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Speaker 1: This is John, this is Sam, your og Okay Storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast hosts.

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Speaker 2: We have some spectacular stories coming up, but.

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Speaker 1: Real quick, we got a two minute break from our

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Speaker 1: lovely sponsors keeping this ship sailing. My wife said another

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Speaker 1: man's name during an intimate time. She reasoned it was

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Speaker 1: only a slip of the tongue.

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Speaker 3: Her tongue's probably been slipping some out of places.

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Speaker 1: I'm twenty seven male in a fight with my wife,

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Speaker 1: twenty seven female after an incident during intimacy for contact

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Speaker 1: where high school sweetheart's married for six years. We have

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Speaker 1: a child, the three male. We've been through a lot together.

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Speaker 1: I love her deeply. And by the way, this comes

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Speaker 1: from you throwaway Crimson, oh make and if you want

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Speaker 1: to submit your own stories, go to our Okay Storytime. Separated.

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Speaker 1: So our marriage is in a rough patch. Our quality

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Speaker 1: time as a couple is struggling. We're in counseling. We're

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Speaker 1: working on making time for each other and reaffirming our bond.

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Speaker 1: That's our current focus in counseling, and we're assigned intimacy exercises.

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Speaker 1: Part of these exercises is for us to make a

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Speaker 1: consistent conscious for each other. We had stay cation to

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Speaker 1: celebrate our anniversary while our son spent the weekending his grandparents.

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Speaker 1: The trip was largely nice and we got to focus

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Speaker 1: on each other, but it took a turn. The nine

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Speaker 1: of our anniversary were cuddling' and it turned into more.

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Speaker 1: My wife initiated, she was really getting into it, an

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Speaker 1: expressive and then out of nowhere, she moaned another man's name,

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Speaker 1: who's in our friend.

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Speaker 3: Grew that's messed up.

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Speaker 1: My heart would break. We stopped immediately. There was no

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Speaker 1: mistaking what she said. She looked stunned before recovering and

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Speaker 1: treating it like a texting typo or something. When I

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Speaker 1: questioned why'd she say another guy's name, let alone one

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Speaker 1: of our friends, she swore it meant nothing, and that

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Speaker 1: she was just consumed with what I was doing to.

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Speaker 3: Her, probably thinking of someone else doing it.

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Speaker 1: That's not an excuse. I couldn't buy it. I don't

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Speaker 1: believe it meant nothing, not the passionate why she said it.

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Speaker 1: I believe she was fantasizing about him while being with me.

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Speaker 1: She insisted it wasn't like that, it was only a

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Speaker 1: slip of the tongue. I asked why his name in particular? First,

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Speaker 1: you didn't know, then said maybe because she was replying

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Speaker 1: to his text earlier in the group chat. When I

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Speaker 1: pushed back, she got defensive. She said I was making

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Speaker 1: something out of nothing and how it didn't need to

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Speaker 1: ruin our anniversary. I told her nothing that she was

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Speaker 1: saying was reaching me and I needed some time. She

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Speaker 1: tried kissing me and initiating again, like nothing happened.

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Speaker 3: Girl, take a break.

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Speaker 1: The incident put a damper on the rest of the trip.

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Speaker 1: We haven't been intimate since. In any steps we made

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Speaker 1: forward with our exercises have taken a significant leap back.

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Speaker 1: We're in a cycle of awkward silence, even in front

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Speaker 1: of our son or ignoring the elephant in the room.

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Speaker 1: She's being extra affectionate now, but I can't shake what happened.

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Speaker 1: I never thought twice about their friendship, but now I'm

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Speaker 1: seeing past interactions differently. I love my wife, She and

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Speaker 1: our son meant the world to me. I've been committed

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Speaker 1: to working on our marriage, but I'm at a loss here.

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Speaker 1: I feel my wife isn't being honest and it's attempting

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Speaker 1: to rug sweet by pouring on affection. I'm left reconsidering everything.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to navigate forward. I need outside perspectives.

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Speaker 1: We got some comments Bad Guy Busters twenty twenty. Definitely

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Speaker 1: need to say a conversation on this or or counseling sessions.

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Speaker 1: I highly recommend using a therapist certified and the got

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Speaker 1: Mid method Mama to grace. Okay, if this happened with

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Speaker 1: my partner, in the first place my head would go

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Speaker 1: immediately would be he's having an affair. I want to

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Speaker 1: go there. I would go to like they're just like

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Speaker 1: attracted or fantasizing about them, but being on the outside.

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Speaker 1: Even though an affair is still on my list of possibilities,

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Speaker 1: I don't think an affair is the only logical answer.

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Speaker 1: My other logical conclusions isn't very pretty either, though. But

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Speaker 1: it's happened that people are fantasizing about someone else, so

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Speaker 1: she may just have the huts for this stude and

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Speaker 1: thinking of him gets her going, and she was so

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Speaker 1: in her own head picturing him that she got lost

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Speaker 1: in her own moment and it slipped out. For me,

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Speaker 1: this option would still be grounds for me to take

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Speaker 1: a step back in question a lot, even in thinking

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Speaker 1: of my partner fantasizing about a friend while having spices

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Speaker 1: sleep with me makes me want to throw up, So

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Speaker 1: why one hundred percent can understand why this has messed

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Speaker 1: you up so bad. I don't think any response is

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Speaker 1: going to make you feel better. Honestly, yeah, I think

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Speaker 1: the only response would be an honest response. It would

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Speaker 1: be hard, but I think that would get you past it.

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Speaker 1: It happened, and that's going to be a hard one

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Speaker 1: to forget. Man. I wish I had advice, but knowing

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Speaker 1: it would make how it would make me feel nothing

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Speaker 1: I believe will make this feel any better for you.

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Speaker 1: I would absolutely check your phone records to see if

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Speaker 1: they are communicating more than they should be. That would

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Speaker 1: definitely be my first move. Sheepskin Rugger. Reddit is bananas.

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Speaker 1: There was a post here the other day by a

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Speaker 1: guy who fantasized about another woman while having spicy sleep

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Speaker 1: with his wife and it was the best spicy sleep

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Speaker 1: he ever had. He was wrecked with gilt and was

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Speaker 1: asking if he should confess. Tons of commentaris were saying

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Speaker 1: they've done it, but it's not a big deal. It's

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Speaker 1: just a fantasy. Don't borrow trouble by telling the wife, etc. Etc.

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying that to convince you to react one

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Speaker 1: way or another. How you feel is how you feel.

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Speaker 1: But I do say to caution you against taking advice

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Speaker 1: from Reddit because what you'll get tends to be completely arbitrary,

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Speaker 1: and many commenters are influenced by what they read from others.

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Speaker 1: And at Snowballs, you're already in counseling with your wife.

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Speaker 1: Take this there and ignore whatever you read from people

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Speaker 1: who say it's no big deal. I fantasize about someone

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Speaker 1: else every time I have spicy sleep with my partner

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Speaker 1: lol lol or a man. I can never get past this.

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Speaker 1: She clearly wants that guy, and it's only amount of

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Speaker 1: time before she cheats. Get out while you're still young.

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Speaker 1: We don't have the answers you need. Talk to your

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Speaker 1: wife and counselor what every Reddit comment should be, Well,

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Speaker 1: don't know, jack crap. Figure this out on your own

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Speaker 1: or with a therapist or through a conversation, But like

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Speaker 1: navigate it without comments. Certain people have no idea the

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Speaker 1: context of your life in intimate ways. Update Thanks to

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Speaker 1: everyone who reached out. I twenty seven male couldn't replied everything,

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Speaker 1: but the outside perspectives helped. General consensus was that my

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Speaker 1: wife twenty seven female and i's issues should be tackled

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Speaker 1: with therapy. I know that's what I should have done,

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Speaker 1: but I delayed. I was too embarrassed. The thought of

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Speaker 1: bringing up what happened and counseling made it worse. But

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Speaker 1: I knew it needed to be done. My wife didn't

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Speaker 1: initially take kindly to it. She was defensive and accused

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Speaker 1: me of throwing her under the bus.

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Speaker 3: Who do you think is that fall here?

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Speaker 1: You should be bringing issues into therapy, That's what it

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Speaker 1: did it for. I disagreed. I wouldn't throw her under

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Speaker 1: the bus either. The truth as we never arranged topics

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Speaker 1: in therapy beforehand, we argued over each other. Our therapists

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Speaker 1: came through as a referee to call it for a

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Speaker 1: time out for us to recollect and to reflect on

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Speaker 1: the objective being working towards a solution, not going at

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Speaker 1: each other. We're able to actually talk when things cooled

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Speaker 1: off and my wife was asked how she would feel

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Speaker 1: if the roles were reversed. That's a great question. I

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Speaker 1: really like that she admitted it. If I had said

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Speaker 1: another woman's name while we were having spicy sleep and

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Speaker 1: on our anniversary, she wouanted to have handled it well

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Speaker 1: at all. She apologized her downplaying my feelings. While I

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Speaker 1: appreciated her acknowledgment, I still thought she wasn't honest about

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Speaker 1: why she said that guy's name.

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Speaker 2: Why.

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Speaker 1: Pressed she said she didn't want to hurt me more

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Speaker 1: than she already did.

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Speaker 3: Girl, you gotta do it.

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Speaker 1: I told her she was hurting me by lying. She

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Speaker 1: confessed that during a stint where we weren't having spicy

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Speaker 1: sleep she had engaged in fantasies to satisfy herself. One

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Speaker 1: of them was of our friend. I knew the stint

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Speaker 1: she was talking about. Intimacy as a whole has been

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Speaker 1: a struggle, But there was a point where we were

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Speaker 1: abstinent spicy sleepy. We weren't even sharing a bed at

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Speaker 1: the time. We'd argue, then leave to separate rooms. Our

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Speaker 1: own son, three male, would share the bed with us.

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Speaker 1: I asked how long she's been fantasizing about him. She said,

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Speaker 1: on and off. He wasn't a constant fantasy. It was

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Speaker 1: necessarily about him, but more about the taboo. I could

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Speaker 1: totally see the taboo neus of it, and I could

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Speaker 1: also see she's not getting specific needs met in the relationship,

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Speaker 1: and maybe she sees those needs being met by traits

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Speaker 1: that that person.

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Speaker 3: Has maybe in his own relationship.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and so I think this could be a wonderful

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Speaker 1: opportunity to voice that what your own system is desiring

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Speaker 1: and see if your own partner can bring that into

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Speaker 1: the relationship, so you don't have to like unconsciously look

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Speaker 1: for that elsewhere in a fantasy. She swore that the

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Speaker 1: fantasys meant nothing, that they were just scenarios to get

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Speaker 1: her there and nothing she would ever actually want. It

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Speaker 1: was tough, but I tried hearing her out instead of

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Speaker 1: shutting down, arguing wasn't getting us anywhere either. I can't

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Speaker 1: relate to her about this. She's always been enough for

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Speaker 1: me during good and bad times. I was always focused

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Speaker 1: on her during intimacy. I told her that why I

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Speaker 1: knew our marriage wasn't perfect. I thought we were getting

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Speaker 1: to a better place and we were engaging in various

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Speaker 1: forms of intimacy. Again, she claims she doesn't indulge fantasies anymore.

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Speaker 1: I called bull because she did just that on our anniversary,

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Speaker 1: of all days. She insisted his name was only a

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Speaker 1: slip of the tongue because she was replying to his

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Speaker 1: text in the group thread that day. She said she

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Speaker 1: was consumed with what I was doing to her, and

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Speaker 1: in the heat of the moment, his name slipped out.

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Speaker 1: I felt like we were going into truth and now

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Speaker 1: it seems like we're kind of leaving back into lies.

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Speaker 1: When I asked why she didn't tell me all of

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Speaker 1: this after the incident, she said she felt guilty and

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Speaker 1: afraid for our marriage. She said our marriage was already

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Speaker 1: in a state of recovery and she didn't want to

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Speaker 1: blow everything up over a stupid mistake. She kept saying

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Speaker 1: she doesn't want him or anyone else. She only wants

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Speaker 1: to be with me, and that's the only reason why

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Speaker 1: she's fighting for a marriage. The session was a lot.

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Speaker 1: I was mostly quiet after If she finished, she asked

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Speaker 1: me to please say something, but all I could say

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Speaker 1: was I needed some time. I'm still sorting through how

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Speaker 1: I feel. I believe she was more truthful, but it's difficult.

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Speaker 1: Nor do I see things between her and our friend

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Speaker 1: the same. I don't know if you could ever Yeah.

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Speaker 3: It'd always be kind of suspicious, just glaring at the

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Speaker 3: friends and the friends like what's up.

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Speaker 1: I would like to work on my marriage, my wife

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Speaker 1: and our son mean the world to me. I want

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Speaker 1: the best solution for everyone. Thank you to everyone. I

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Speaker 1: appreciate the support we got, more relevant comments, arts needs

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Speaker 1: more flu I think next thing is you need to

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Speaker 1: do is schedule another therapy session and discuss tools for

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Speaker 1: rebuilding trust. At this point, you bring up your trust,

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Speaker 1: which shook because she kept trickle truthing, and how you

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Speaker 1: can you know she isn't hiding more from you that

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Speaker 1: you don't want to distrust her, but you don't know

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Speaker 1: how to rebuild. Allow me to be blunt about some

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Speaker 1: uncomfortable truths. Everyone fantasizes. Let me be blunt. If someone

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Speaker 1: says an absolute truth on the internet, don't believe them.

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Speaker 1: Everyone fantasizes. It is if and how we act on

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Speaker 1: our fantasies, and if we allow our fantasies to impact

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Speaker 1: our real life that matters. Keep your focus on her behavior,

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Speaker 1: not her fantasies, and on that thing. I'm not saying like,

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Speaker 1: oh it's bad to you know, fantasize when you're by yourself,

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Speaker 1: and everyone has different relationships with like fantasy and spicy sleep.

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Speaker 1: But I don't know the way it shows up for

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Speaker 1: me is like, yeah, do what you want on your

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Speaker 1: own like, I don't think if I'm partners with someone

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Speaker 1: that biologically you know I'm not going to be the

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Speaker 1: only person they're attracted to. And that makes sense. But

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Speaker 1: if you're with me and you're thinking of someone else, wow,

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Speaker 1: we're having spicy sleep. It feels rude and disrespectful. And

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Speaker 1: keep your focus on her behavior and not her fantasy's.

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Speaker 1: Trust is similar to Rewitch and Espenolson in that once

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Speaker 1: it is broken, it is hard to rebuild, but it

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Speaker 1: can be rebuilt. Trust is always a leap of faith.

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Speaker 1: It is built on little acts of consistent, reliable behavior,

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Speaker 1: but at its heart it is a leap of faith.

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Speaker 1: The little voices in your head, Opie, the ones going,

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Speaker 1: but what is she seectly in love with my friend?

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Speaker 1: But what if she thinks he is sexier than me, etc. Yes,

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Speaker 1: those voices. Nothing your wife can say or do will

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Speaker 1: be able to silence those voices. That is a battle

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Speaker 1: for you and you alone. You need to figure out

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Speaker 1: how to self sue those voices. Rick Russell t X. Well,

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Speaker 1: that's the problem with trickle truth thing. There's no way

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Speaker 1: to know when she stops trickling and when she's telling

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Speaker 1: the truth. Once you start lying. People don't know when

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Speaker 1: you're truth in the little boy crable situation. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: said it earlier, but I think this can be an

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Speaker 1: opportunity to see, like what of her needs are being

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Speaker 1: met and what she's you know, unconsciously going into her

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Speaker 1: head to try to meet and to get the outside

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Speaker 1: of your relationship. And maybe it's possible to use this

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Speaker 1: as an opportunity to bring just a wonderful, honest conversation

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Speaker 1: around what both of you need. Very very true.

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Speaker 3: My husband is way too close to his married girl BFF.

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Speaker 3: I told him to choose between.

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Speaker 1: Us ultimatums boo.

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Speaker 3: My husband and I have been together for more than

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Speaker 3: five years and married for two years. He has a

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Speaker 3: female friend that he cares for deeply. They have been

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Speaker 3: friends for almost the same time as us being together.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from virtual anxiety for three

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Speaker 3: through three and if you want to spit your own stories,

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Speaker 3: go to our slashowcase storytime.

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Speaker 1: Separate it.

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Speaker 3: So when we started dating, it wasn't anything serious. They

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Speaker 3: used to hang out together during office hours and office parties.

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Speaker 3: Problems started when he wanted to hang out alone with her.

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Speaker 3: She lived closer to his place and I lived on

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Speaker 3: the outskirts of the city, so it was a long drive.

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Speaker 3: He would make plans with her in the office, text

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Speaker 3: me about it later after work, and arguments ensued. Why

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Speaker 3: not go to dinner with your friend group? Why only

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Speaker 3: be alone with her? Why would you want to go

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Speaker 3: to the movies alone with her?

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Speaker 1: Why do you want to kiss her when I'm not there?

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Speaker 3: Are you saying your name? Their friendship always gave me

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Speaker 3: weird vibes, never seemed normal, and she was single with

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Speaker 3: guys hitting on her. They even went on a trip

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Speaker 3: together to attend an important event just the two of them.

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Speaker 3: It seemed fishy, but he would always reassure me that

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Speaker 3: they're just good friends and nothing more, that she had

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Speaker 3: been through a lot in life without giving me the details,

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Speaker 3: and he just wanted to be there for her. One

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Speaker 3: year of drama and then she relocated. A year later,

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Speaker 3: she got married and I felt relieved, But their friendship

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Speaker 3: grew stronger over time. They would text and video call

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Speaker 3: all the time. You talk to her more than me,

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Speaker 3: trusted her more than me, opened up to her, was

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Speaker 3: emotionally vulnerable, which he almost never is with me, shared

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Speaker 3: everything with her. I will never understand their friendship. But

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Speaker 3: it makes me very suss why he always deletes their conversations.

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Speaker 1: That's immediately Yeah, concerning the.

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Speaker 3: Emotional intimacy they share, sends her gifts the only person

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Speaker 3: he sends gifts to you, apart from me. They have

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Speaker 3: an odd love hate relationship. There are times when they

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Speaker 3: would argue and stop talking to each other completely. He

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Speaker 3: would never tell me the reason why. Usually it's for

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Speaker 3: a few days, a few weeks at MAX. Recently they

301
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:20,920
Speaker 3: stopped talking altogether, from being glued to a phone to

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Speaker 3: no message. He would even tell me about women who

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Speaker 3: have shown interest in him, but that's about it. I

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Speaker 3: trust him fully, and even more so because he himself

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00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:31,240
Speaker 3: told me about them. But with his BFF, he tells

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Speaker 3: me nothing, just the constant reassurance that there's nothing more

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Speaker 3: than friendship. Now I want him to end his friendship

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Speaker 3: with her. Am I overreacting? Could they just be really

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Speaker 3: good friends? And there are some comments and I'm gonna

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Speaker 3: read those before because there's one from Opie. Opie says

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Speaker 3: when I asked him about deleting his conversations, he says,

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Speaker 3: he deletes everything, and not just the conversations with her.

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Speaker 3: That's weird behavior. Who does that?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Who deletes all their texts?

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Speaker 2: After?

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00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:01,000
Speaker 1: You know? Who does that? So I've since dealers.

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Speaker 3: I don't even know if they're still talking. He does

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00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,480
Speaker 3: check his phone every now and then after their long hiatus,

320
00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,960
Speaker 3: they did speak recently, But again, why can't he take

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Speaker 3: calls in my presence? What even is so confidential between

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Speaker 3: them two? He has promised me several times that there's

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00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:17,360
Speaker 3: nothing between the two, but I just can't trust his

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Speaker 3: words anymore. Is there a way to retrieve deleted chats?

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Speaker 3: And there are one more comment? Come one says Gosh,

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00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:27,840
Speaker 3: sounds like you are the third wheel. Sorry, Opie, Why

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Speaker 3: didn't they just get married to each other? Since they

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Speaker 3: act like it is? Her husband okay with their closeness

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00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:35,560
Speaker 3: deleting messages looks sus. Why can't a married couple not

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Speaker 3: be best friends? Why can't a married couple not share

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00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:41,240
Speaker 3: secrets and stories with each other but need best friends

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00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:44,040
Speaker 3: from the opposite sex? I disagree with that. Get yourself

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00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:46,920
Speaker 3: a male best friend and think of yourself your husband doesn't.

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00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:48,840
Speaker 1: I don't agree with that, called stupid comment.

335
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:51,000
Speaker 3: Is her husband not looking for a female bestie?

336
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:51,600
Speaker 2: Ope?

337
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:54,120
Speaker 3: He says, I have no idea how much her husband knows.

338
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:57,280
Speaker 3: Her husband obviously came much later into the picture, and

339
00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,680
Speaker 3: by then she had already relocated. It's so sad that

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Speaker 3: it makes me laugh. He isn't a bad husband, but

341
00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:06,960
Speaker 3: he just acts weird around her. And there is an update.

342
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Speaker 3: But you said you have thoughts.

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00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:13,520
Speaker 1: Usually I'm so supportive around the opposite gender. Are friendships,

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Speaker 1: This one's concerning.

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Speaker 3: They're hiding so much.

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Speaker 1: Why are you hiding things if you're so concerned around

347
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:21,520
Speaker 1: your privacy with his friend and you can't let your

348
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:26,200
Speaker 1: partner into anything in the relationship of this friendship, that's concerning.

349
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Speaker 1: And then also if he's more emotionally revealing with his

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Speaker 1: friend than his own wife, it seems like he's not

351
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Speaker 1: very revealing with his wife. That's concerning as well. I

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00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,520
Speaker 1: think people are welcome to have friends, but if you

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Speaker 1: know they're intimate, then your wife, and.

354
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:42,920
Speaker 3: When you have said multiple times, hey, I'm uncomfortable, and

355
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:46,760
Speaker 3: he knows you're uncomfortable and does seemingly nothing to alleviate

356
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:50,360
Speaker 3: your concerns or your discomfort. But there is an update. Clarifications.

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Speaker 3: They met shortly after my husband and I started dating. No,

358
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Speaker 3: we don't have kids. She lives far away from us,

359
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,680
Speaker 3: so they don't meet in person. I'm planning to reach

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00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:00,520
Speaker 3: out to her, but not to her husband, at least

361
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,880
Speaker 3: not yet. Questions I asked him and his responses. One,

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00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:07,480
Speaker 3: How did they become such close friends over time? They

363
00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:09,480
Speaker 3: didn't start on good terms, but as they got to

364
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:11,760
Speaker 3: know each other better, their friendship grew stronger. So it

365
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:13,960
Speaker 3: was kind of an enemy's to lovers kind of the situation.

366
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,840
Speaker 3: What are her secrets? He didn't give me much detail,

367
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,760
Speaker 3: just that she was slash, has been depressed, and her

368
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:23,400
Speaker 3: coping mechanisms weren't very healthy. She's doing much better now.

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Speaker 1: Three.

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Speaker 3: Why can't he share things with me? He feels there

371
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:28,840
Speaker 3: might be things that could hurt me and he just

372
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:31,160
Speaker 3: wants to protect me. When I asked him, like what,

373
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,560
Speaker 3: he deflected saying it's his dark shide and he's too

374
00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:36,080
Speaker 3: scared to discuss it with me, his dark shide where

375
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Speaker 3: he cheats on his wife.

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Speaker 1: If he can't discuss things he's scared to reveal with

377
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Speaker 1: his own wife, but he can with the friend who

378
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:44,040
Speaker 1: he has.

379
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,640
Speaker 3: Known for basically the same amount. It's not like a

380
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Speaker 3: childhood friend.

381
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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's like major Kraken foundation of relationship huge crack.

382
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:56,120
Speaker 3: Four has he ever been disloyal? Never? Five? Does he

383
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:57,560
Speaker 3: feel their friendship is unusual?

384
00:16:57,920 --> 00:16:58,080
Speaker 4: No?

385
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,680
Speaker 3: Why did they stop talking? He said he made a

386
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,120
Speaker 3: rude comment and didn't think she would forgive him. When

387
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,399
Speaker 3: I asked what he said, he explained it was related

388
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:07,320
Speaker 3: to her personal life and that he was being a

389
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:10,800
Speaker 3: wiener head. Seven Why are they talking again? They've resolved

390
00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:13,280
Speaker 3: the issue, he apologize for his behavior, and they decided

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Speaker 3: to move forward. Eight Has there ever been any physical intimacy? No,

392
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:20,320
Speaker 3: just hugs, holding hands to comfort her and offering a

393
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Speaker 3: shoulder to cry on.

394
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,359
Speaker 1: You know what they say about shoulder to cryon.

395
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:25,920
Speaker 3: It leads to spicy sleep.

396
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:28,600
Speaker 1: A shoulder to cryon is a wiener to write on.

397
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:31,080
Speaker 3: He'd also agreed to show me their text before he'd

398
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Speaker 3: deleats some. But of course I wouldn't know if he

399
00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:35,600
Speaker 3: decides to let a few here and there. I'm going

400
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:38,360
Speaker 3: to ask her the same or similar questions and we'll

401
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:39,200
Speaker 3: update later.

402
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:39,960
Speaker 1: Update two.

403
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:44,240
Speaker 3: I messaged her. Surprisingly, she responded, but I was not

404
00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:47,800
Speaker 3: prepared for what she told me. After some small talk,

405
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:50,200
Speaker 3: I told her that my husband had mentioned her depression

406
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:53,479
Speaker 3: and I wanted to help. She was very furious at

407
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:56,040
Speaker 3: first felt betrayed by my husband for telling me. Then

408
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,240
Speaker 3: I explained her the situation.

409
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,200
Speaker 1: You want to help, that's a lie. Why you lying

410
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,800
Speaker 1: to this woman. It's pretty manipulative to say that when

411
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:04,359
Speaker 1: it's not true, and you'd try and get dirt on

412
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:04,960
Speaker 1: your husband.

413
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,520
Speaker 3: I told her that he didn't ever give me the details,

414
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,320
Speaker 3: but I've reached a point where I really need to

415
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,280
Speaker 3: know what had happened for the sake of her marriage.

416
00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:13,760
Speaker 3: She told me she was in a very toxic relationship.

417
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,439
Speaker 3: Her ex mistreated her verbally and physically. He was a manipulative,

418
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:21,359
Speaker 3: lying trash. She never spoke about her relationship with anyone,

419
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,159
Speaker 3: but she used to get mad wasted. One time, they

420
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:26,720
Speaker 3: were all out for office dinner. Because she was wasted,

421
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:29,240
Speaker 3: my husband and another friend offered to drive her home

422
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:32,280
Speaker 3: since they lived close by. My husband, being his cold

423
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,679
Speaker 3: and distant self, told her to not get wasted if

424
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,960
Speaker 3: she couldn't handle her liquor. Immediately, she burst into tears,

425
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,720
Speaker 3: told them she drinks to forget the pain, and told

426
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,879
Speaker 3: them all about her ex, how that relationship took a

427
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,919
Speaker 3: toll on her, how she had no support system. She

428
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,560
Speaker 3: had stopped talking to her friends and family because of

429
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:51,919
Speaker 3: her ex. They didn't say much to her then, but

430
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:55,000
Speaker 3: were obviously worried. They would check in on her every day,

431
00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:58,080
Speaker 3: and slowly she also started opening up to them. That's

432
00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:00,439
Speaker 3: how their friendship started. My husband did doesn't know how

433
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:03,120
Speaker 3: to comfort people and would say mean things at times.

434
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,119
Speaker 3: That's why they used to fight a lot, and she

435
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:08,080
Speaker 3: moved cities to start a new chapter in life. She,

436
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:11,000
Speaker 3: just like my husband, reassured me that there was nothing

437
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,920
Speaker 3: more than friendship between the two. I then asked her

438
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,840
Speaker 3: about their last fight. She told me how my husband

439
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:19,679
Speaker 3: made a remark on her life choices, which upset her

440
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,359
Speaker 3: and that's why they stopped talking. I believed her. I

441
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,880
Speaker 3: thought maybe that's why they wanted to hang out separately

442
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,840
Speaker 3: and why he maintained all this secrecy. Maybe he just

443
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:30,200
Speaker 3: cares for her and wants to make sure she's doing well.

444
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:34,000
Speaker 3: I was wrong. I asked her if she ever felt

445
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:38,640
Speaker 3: differently about him. She told me yes, she yes, there

446
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:40,480
Speaker 3: was a time when she started liking him and not

447
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:43,000
Speaker 3: just as a friend, but that was a long time ago.

448
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,159
Speaker 3: I asked her if he also felt the same, but

449
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,960
Speaker 3: she said she doesn't know. He is caring and protective

450
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,960
Speaker 3: of her, and that's all that matters to her. She

451
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,199
Speaker 3: knew he was with me, so she didn't pursue. I

452
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:55,560
Speaker 3: then asked her if there are still any residual feelings.

453
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:59,159
Speaker 3: She gave me very vague response that she's happy in

454
00:19:59,160 --> 00:19:59,560
Speaker 3: her marriage.

455
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,680
Speaker 1: Are you in my my husband? I'm happy in mine.

456
00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:03,960
Speaker 3: I thought I would be relieved after talking to her,

457
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:05,920
Speaker 3: but it made me even more uneasy.

458
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:07,560
Speaker 1: Honestly, I feel more relieved.

459
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:10,120
Speaker 3: I feel mixed. I do believe her, but I think

460
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:12,760
Speaker 3: that the husband probably knew that she had feelings for him,

461
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:13,840
Speaker 3: or maybe that came up.

462
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,919
Speaker 1: He doesn't seem like the most emotionally attuned and mature person.

463
00:20:17,119 --> 00:20:19,240
Speaker 3: I feel sorry for everything she's been through, but I

464
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:22,880
Speaker 3: still don't fully believe her when she says she never pursued.

465
00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:25,920
Speaker 3: Caring for someone does not mean talking to them for hours.

466
00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:28,159
Speaker 3: They may be close friends, but she should confide in

467
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:31,679
Speaker 3: her husband now, which she probably does. But my husband

468
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:35,280
Speaker 3: being the way he is about her makes me very uncomfortable.

469
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:37,320
Speaker 3: I feel like asking my husband to end of the

470
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,359
Speaker 3: friendship would be me being an a whole, but I

471
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,720
Speaker 3: want him to be more transparent with me. And there

472
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:42,720
Speaker 3: is an update.

473
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,600
Speaker 1: Before the update real quick. It's not going to go

474
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:46,879
Speaker 1: well if you ultimatum that.

475
00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:48,640
Speaker 3: I mean, like, it's not going to build trust back

476
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:49,560
Speaker 3: into your relationship.

477
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:51,920
Speaker 1: If he were to agree with you and stop being

478
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,760
Speaker 1: friends with his good friend that he's known as long

479
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:56,439
Speaker 1: as he's known you, he's just gonna resent you.

480
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:58,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, so it doesn't really help anything. So you just

481
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,520
Speaker 3: need to decide if this is something that you can

482
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:03,600
Speaker 3: get over through therapy or having a conversation, like setting

483
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,959
Speaker 3: up boundaries and stuff, if you can be comfortable through it,

484
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:09,639
Speaker 3: like doing therapy together and like having conversations and stuff,

485
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:11,480
Speaker 3: or if this is something they're like, I don't think

486
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,800
Speaker 3: I can ever get over this. Update three. I had

487
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,320
Speaker 3: a long talk with my husband. I'm definitely not the

488
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:20,440
Speaker 3: A hole. Also, I wasn't being paranoid. I told him

489
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,040
Speaker 3: everything she shared with me. I asked him if she

490
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,720
Speaker 3: had ever told him about her feelings. He said yes,

491
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:29,160
Speaker 3: but only after she got married. He's like, no, no, no,

492
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:31,120
Speaker 3: it's fine because she was already married.

493
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:32,639
Speaker 1: When she told me she had feelings when we had

494
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:34,040
Speaker 1: spicy Sleep, she was married.

495
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,320
Speaker 3: I asked if he had felt the same, and why

496
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:39,439
Speaker 3: so protective of her. Finally he told me the full story.

497
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:42,439
Speaker 3: When they first met, they didn't like each other, but

498
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:45,080
Speaker 3: over time that changed. She started to like him, but

499
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:48,159
Speaker 3: kept it to herself. They did have one wasted kiss.

500
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:51,640
Speaker 3: They quickly realized it was a mistake, apologized, kept their distance,

501
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:55,040
Speaker 3: never spoke about it again. Things were awkward for a while,

502
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,639
Speaker 3: but after a few months they were back to normal.

503
00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:00,560
Speaker 3: She eventually got married. She seemed to be due going well.

504
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,840
Speaker 3: Then one day, while very wasted, she told him about

505
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:06,160
Speaker 3: her dating life. That's when he found out she once

506
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,280
Speaker 3: had a crush on him, but nothing came of it.

507
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:11,520
Speaker 3: I asked him again if he had ever felt the same.

508
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:13,639
Speaker 3: I told him that it's all in the past, but

509
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:16,600
Speaker 3: we can't move forward unless he's honest with me. She's like,

510
00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:18,679
Speaker 3: tell me, I won't be mad. He admitted there was

511
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:22,080
Speaker 3: a time after we got married when he was confused.

512
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:24,920
Speaker 3: He even told her that he might feel more than friendship.

513
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,960
Speaker 3: He didn't expect anything from her. She didn't take it well.

514
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:30,560
Speaker 3: They both dismissed it. They said boundaries. Now they're just

515
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:33,439
Speaker 3: good friends. But he never told you. I asked if

516
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 3: her husband knows. My husband isn't sure, but her husband

517
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,760
Speaker 3: definitely dislikes me. He's seen her cry every time they fight.

518
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:41,960
Speaker 3: He thinks my husband is bad for her, and that's

519
00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:45,840
Speaker 3: probably true. I asked my husband why he even married me.

520
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:47,919
Speaker 3: He said he loves me and wants to spend his

521
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:51,119
Speaker 3: life with me. That brief confusion was just a temporary

522
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:54,480
Speaker 3: stupid face. I asked why he avoids calls in my presence.

523
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:57,000
Speaker 3: He said he sometimes steps out to get an outside

524
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,480
Speaker 3: perspective on our arguments.

525
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:03,800
Speaker 1: Oh, he's talking about OP. Yeah, so the friend has

526
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:05,520
Speaker 1: so many more privileges than OP does.

527
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,280
Speaker 3: He's also been deleting conversations from his phone, not just

528
00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:11,320
Speaker 3: with her, with everyone. I told him I don't trust him.

529
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:13,639
Speaker 3: I said he needs to be transparent with me to

530
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:17,000
Speaker 3: rebuild trust. He insists there's nothing to hide. He even

531
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:19,960
Speaker 3: shared his pass code without me asking. He said cutting

532
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:23,000
Speaker 3: her off would be hard, but he's willing to try

533
00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:26,680
Speaker 3: if it proves his loyalty. We set some ground rules

534
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:28,960
Speaker 3: for now, and I've agreed to try couple's therapy. And

535
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:33,120
Speaker 3: there are some comments and I believe an update OP

536
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:36,080
Speaker 3: in the comment section. These are the ground rules which

537
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,159
Speaker 3: we've said. No private calls, just not even if it's

538
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:43,399
Speaker 3: switching about each other. Nobody deletes any text messages, limiting

539
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:47,359
Speaker 3: conversations with her, Transparency, no more gifts for her, no

540
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:51,320
Speaker 3: more special treatment. If there's something controversial her husband deserves

541
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:55,320
Speaker 3: to know too, regular counseling, spend more time with each other,

542
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:57,440
Speaker 3: no screen locks on phones.

543
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:00,720
Speaker 1: I like these, These feel healthy, and these like solid

544
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:02,320
Speaker 1: agreements to bring back trust.

545
00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:05,800
Speaker 3: Exactly comment one trickle truth. Ugh, it just gets worse.

546
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,199
Speaker 3: You're better than this. Please just seek therapy. Because as

547
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,920
Speaker 3: much as he now says, I bet that's not all

548
00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:14,200
Speaker 3: they kiss They had feelings for each other, and yet

549
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:17,040
Speaker 3: he still wanted to maintain a secret relationship with her.

550
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,679
Speaker 3: Please it couldn't be me. Even after telling you these

551
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,800
Speaker 3: small truths, he has the nerve to say it won't

552
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:24,720
Speaker 3: be easy, like, come on, lady, stick up for yourself.

553
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:28,240
Speaker 3: And Opie says, yes, I'm furious, but what's another month

554
00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:31,639
Speaker 3: when I've already invested so many years. If it gets better, great,

555
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:33,560
Speaker 3: If it doesn't, at least I wouldn't be a third

556
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:36,320
Speaker 3: wheel in my own marriage any longer. And someone replies,

557
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:38,640
Speaker 3: you're right, that would make sense. I was just concerned

558
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 3: because of all the lies. How would you even know?

559
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:43,360
Speaker 3: You know him better than anyone I did? Wonder why

560
00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 3: you've never met any of his coworkers. You don't go

561
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:48,600
Speaker 3: to any events or your marriage. That seems odd to me,

562
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:52,119
Speaker 3: and Opie says, I'm keeping my expectations very low. He

563
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:54,480
Speaker 3: can hide things for me, But what's the point. Why

564
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:56,119
Speaker 3: not just leave and be with her If that's what

565
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:58,920
Speaker 3: he wants, it's a very good opportunity for him to

566
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:02,320
Speaker 3: walk away. Well, we've read a lot of stories where

567
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 3: that doesn't happen, where they just keep cheating, like they

568
00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:08,160
Speaker 3: have the opening to leave and they don't.

569
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:08,680
Speaker 1: We have a.

570
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:11,160
Speaker 3: Different group from UNI that we usually hang out with. Also,

571
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 3: people don't usually bring their esso to these office dinners.

572
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:16,159
Speaker 3: It's more of a team building event. And there is

573
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:18,360
Speaker 3: an update. Really quick thought. I think, as you said,

574
00:25:18,359 --> 00:25:20,320
Speaker 3: the ground rows that they're sending are good, and I

575
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 3: think as long as both show like that they want

576
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:27,720
Speaker 3: that they're trying to put in the work, then perhaps

577
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:31,480
Speaker 3: this relationship can get back to kind of a healthy space.

578
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:33,760
Speaker 1: It seems like you're doing what you got to do

579
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:37,399
Speaker 1: to repair the relationship. Also, I would say like an

580
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 1: additional thing that could be done is just like creating

581
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,840
Speaker 1: a space for op to voice her anger and for

582
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,679
Speaker 1: you to acknowledge that, and to acknowledge, you know, all

583
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:47,720
Speaker 1: the ways you've you've crossed the line and all the

584
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:50,639
Speaker 1: ways you've kind of like broken her trust, and to

585
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:53,159
Speaker 1: just have that. Finally, Big acknowledged that Opie could let

586
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:55,879
Speaker 1: that go and then be able to move towards a

587
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 1: trustful relationship.

588
00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:59,480
Speaker 3: But the reason an update. I'm done with him. He

589
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:02,400
Speaker 3: needs Jesus in his life. Not only has he lied

590
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:04,840
Speaker 3: to me, but he's also lied to her, who doesn't

591
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:07,200
Speaker 3: want anything to do with him anymore either. I reached

592
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 3: out to her again, thought i'd tell her to back

593
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:11,560
Speaker 3: off and inform her about the agreement I'd made with

594
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:14,240
Speaker 3: my husband Sudibi X. Turns out it was always him

595
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:16,520
Speaker 3: who kept her close and refused to let her go.

596
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 3: She told me that after he first opened up about

597
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:22,760
Speaker 3: his feelings, they didn't dismiss it right away. She was

598
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:23,399
Speaker 3: taken aback.

599
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:25,040
Speaker 1: There was conversations around it.

600
00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:27,720
Speaker 3: Because she too had once liked him. It was difficult

601
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:30,000
Speaker 3: for her to shut him down immediately, so she didn't

602
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 3: say anything, and as always, they pretended nothing had happened.

603
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:37,320
Speaker 3: He continued showering her with affection. She asked him to stop,

604
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,000
Speaker 3: telling him he was putting her in an uncomfortable position.

605
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:41,919
Speaker 1: He was pursuing her. That's what it seems like.

606
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 3: That she loves her husband and that's enough for her.

607
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:46,639
Speaker 3: Things were fine for a few months, but then he

608
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:50,040
Speaker 3: started again showing her how caring he was. Making her

609
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,800
Speaker 3: feel special. He constantly told her that she was the

610
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:55,200
Speaker 3: most important person in his life and that he never

611
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:56,080
Speaker 3: want to lose her.

612
00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:58,680
Speaker 1: Most important person in his life.

613
00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:02,080
Speaker 3: He repeated this so often directly and indirectly that she

614
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:05,880
Speaker 3: eventually started to believe him, and when she was fully invested,

615
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:08,640
Speaker 3: he told her there couldn't be anything more than friendship

616
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:10,320
Speaker 3: with her because he wouldn't cheat on me.

617
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:13,879
Speaker 1: How awful is that is? That you're pursuing this woman

618
00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 1: and she's like putting up with it, and then finally

619
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 1: she's like open to it, and you're like, psych, I'm out.

620
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:21,520
Speaker 3: You thought I was into you?

621
00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:22,639
Speaker 4: WHOA?

622
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:26,200
Speaker 1: I just wanted to see if I could convince you

623
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:26,919
Speaker 1: to be into me.

624
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:30,800
Speaker 3: She realized what a huge mistake she'd made and a

625
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:34,040
Speaker 3: wake up call. She is immensely ashamed of her actions

626
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:36,840
Speaker 3: and disappointed in herself. I don't blame her, though, to me,

627
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,600
Speaker 3: she is a victim too. He knows how vulnerable she is,

628
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:42,439
Speaker 3: and he used it against her. To this day, he

629
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:45,120
Speaker 3: tells her the same thing, he loves her, but only

630
00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:46,919
Speaker 3: he's a friend because he's married to me. What a

631
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:50,600
Speaker 3: pathetic excuse. Maybe he does care about her and wants

632
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:53,000
Speaker 3: the best for her, but his actions are definitely causing

633
00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:55,800
Speaker 3: her more pain. When she tried to end their friendship,

634
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:59,200
Speaker 3: he wouldn't even let her go, saying couldn't live without her,

635
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,360
Speaker 3: that he feels lowly a lost and that she's the

636
00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:05,440
Speaker 3: only good thing that's ever happened to him. He put

637
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:08,760
Speaker 3: her through so much, keeping her emotionally stuck and playing

638
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:11,280
Speaker 3: with her feelings. The rude remark came when she told

639
00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:13,680
Speaker 3: them he was going to tell me everything and show

640
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 3: all the messages and drama he'd put her through. He

641
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:18,119
Speaker 3: threw it back on her, saying she was the one

642
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:19,919
Speaker 3: who first admitted she liked him and that he had

643
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:22,440
Speaker 3: always been clear they were just friends. He accused her

644
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:24,920
Speaker 3: of wanting all or nothing and blaming her for trying

645
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:28,360
Speaker 3: to run away just like she always has. You know what, Yeah,

646
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:30,240
Speaker 3: I mean, OPI told us that he was bad at

647
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:34,040
Speaker 3: emotions and was mean. He made cruel comments and this

648
00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 3: tracks They stopped talking after that zero contact, but he

649
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:42,080
Speaker 3: messaged her again. She told him to stay away from her,

650
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 3: but he said he just wanted to apologize and asked

651
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:47,120
Speaker 3: if they could start over. He reassured her that he

652
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 3: would never repeat his actions. They had been good friends

653
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 3: before all this happened, so she agreed to give it

654
00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:55,720
Speaker 3: another shot. But you should give us many, many shots.

655
00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:58,280
Speaker 3: Listen to full episodes of stories just like this. Just

656
00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:01,000
Speaker 3: go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app.

657
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 1: There is a little bit more I want to hear it.

658
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:04,840
Speaker 3: Now that I have reached out to her. She feels

659
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:07,320
Speaker 3: she doesn't want any drama in her life. She's happy,

660
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:09,200
Speaker 3: and if their friendship is putting my marriage at risk,

661
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:11,000
Speaker 3: she's more than willing to back off. I think your

662
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:14,040
Speaker 3: friendship is ended their marriage. I don't know what he

663
00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 3: wants in life, but I'm having none of it. I

664
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:18,160
Speaker 3: wonder if he was cheating on me with her, or

665
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:22,040
Speaker 3: cheating on her with me, oh, whatever it may be,

666
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:25,480
Speaker 3: whether he is genuinely confused or he is simply making

667
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:27,560
Speaker 3: a fool out of everyone. I don't want to be

668
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:30,520
Speaker 3: with someone who isn't in love with me or emotionally

669
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:34,040
Speaker 3: invested elsewhere. What did he say when you confronted him

670
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 3: with the truth. I am glad you finally got the

671
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:37,640
Speaker 3: truth and your mind is clear on what to do.

672
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:40,840
Speaker 3: Obe says. He's telling me a lot of things including, oh,

673
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:44,040
Speaker 3: she must have misinterpreted our messages. I've asked her for

674
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:48,000
Speaker 3: screenshots and reply. Very cowardly of him. Instead of manning up,

675
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 3: he keeps on lying and even throwing her under the

676
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:53,320
Speaker 3: bus to save his butt. Let him video call her,

677
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:55,120
Speaker 3: phone call r and speaker and let him tell her

678
00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 3: that then she can hear his lies as well. And

679
00:29:58,080 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 3: if he calls her a liar, then it makes it

680
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:01,440
Speaker 3: perfect make sense for him to go no contact and

681
00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:04,480
Speaker 3: vice versa. Since his bestie lies. That is the end

682
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:05,840
Speaker 3: of the story. There's nothing left.

683
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:08,240
Speaker 1: Wow. Wow, I feel scared of this man.

684
00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:12,080
Speaker 3: I mean, just like the psychological kind of torment that

685
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 3: he's been putting these women through. I mean, the best

686
00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:17,440
Speaker 3: friend of just constantly going back and forth of giving

687
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:19,720
Speaker 3: affection and then taking it back, trying to convince her

688
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:21,120
Speaker 3: that he loves her and then taking it back.

689
00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:24,120
Speaker 1: And when she gives him the affection that he wants, he's.

690
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:25,320
Speaker 3: Like, oh, what are you talking about? You misread that

691
00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:27,440
Speaker 3: and then with OPI just lying and lying and.

692
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:29,800
Speaker 1: Lying, giving some truth and then taking it back.

693
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 3: But that is the end of that story.

694
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:35,080
Speaker 1: I'm glad you're getting out of that relationship.

695
00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:36,640
Speaker 3: Me freaking too.

696
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:38,480
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Sam.

697
00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:40,080
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories. But here's three

698
00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:41,480
Speaker 1: minutes of bads from our sponsors.

699
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:46,040
Speaker 4: My best friend wants to risk our friendship, and I'm

700
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 4: scared of the consequence.

701
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:49,640
Speaker 2: Trying to shoot for a party of three.

702
00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:51,920
Speaker 4: Sometimes you gotta risk it for the biscuit. But let's

703
00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:55,000
Speaker 4: see if this biscuit's worth it. I've known this girl, Aaron,

704
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:57,720
Speaker 4: since we were in elementary school. Our families are really

705
00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:00,800
Speaker 4: close and our parents are best friends and neighbors. We

706
00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:03,880
Speaker 4: would often spend countless hours together at each other's houses,

707
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:05,640
Speaker 4: and it got to the point where we could literally

708
00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:08,160
Speaker 4: let each other in each other's houses and rooms with

709
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 4: parental supervision, which is a big deal as kids and teen.

710
00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:13,320
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from a user grad oh

711
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:15,000
Speaker 4: four and if you want to submit your own stories,

712
00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 4: go to the r slash Okay storytime stubreddit. I have

713
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:20,800
Speaker 4: always been attracted to her. In middle school, she was cute.

714
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:22,680
Speaker 4: In high school, she was attractive, and we went to

715
00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:25,400
Speaker 4: prom together as friends. Told her a few times over

716
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:27,280
Speaker 4: the years how I felt, and she has always said,

717
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:30,160
Speaker 4: you know, let's just be friends, or that would be weird,

718
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:32,880
Speaker 4: pretty much turning me down. We grew distant in undergrad

719
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 4: due to us attending different universities, and then she studied abroad,

720
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:39,400
Speaker 4: but still kept in touch from time to time Skype, text, holidays,

721
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:42,320
Speaker 4: et cetera. In undergrad, I started working out seriously and

722
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:45,080
Speaker 4: playing soccer. We both played since we were young. I've

723
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:46,800
Speaker 4: never been out of shape, but I've never been this

724
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 4: physically defined in my life. After graduating college, I went

725
00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:53,520
Speaker 4: into grad school, where I stayed in a single apartment

726
00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:55,560
Speaker 4: on campus. I leave a key at my parents in

727
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:58,120
Speaker 4: case I ever lose or forget mine. One evening, I'm

728
00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:00,880
Speaker 4: taking a nap and hears someone coming in my apartment.

729
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:03,080
Speaker 4: By the time I open my eyes and get myself together,

730
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 4: Aaron is already sitting on my bed. I'm thrilled to

731
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:08,760
Speaker 4: see her, as it's been nearly two years at this

732
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:11,160
Speaker 4: point since we've physically seen each other. Crawls over and

733
00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:13,320
Speaker 4: hugs me, and that's when I realized things kind of

734
00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:16,600
Speaker 4: went different. She leans in and instead of the normal, Hey,

735
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:21,480
Speaker 4: what's up? How's life during crystals? Well? Oh oh, I'm

736
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:24,640
Speaker 4: blown away, shocked and beyond happy. All of this led

737
00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:28,000
Speaker 4: to the spicy tango. When we finished, she tells me

738
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:30,080
Speaker 4: I better get used to her because she's attending the

739
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:33,000
Speaker 4: same graduate school. She says, she wants more of this,

740
00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:35,440
Speaker 4: and mind you, at the time, I was s thlung

741
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:38,040
Speaker 4: cloud nine, So of course I say sure, without thinking

742
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:40,400
Speaker 4: that was nearly three months ago. And now she comes

743
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:42,560
Speaker 4: over some days and we talk like best friends, and

744
00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:45,120
Speaker 4: other days it's just a lot of spicy tango. My

745
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:47,479
Speaker 4: emotions are all over the place. And as if it

746
00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:49,920
Speaker 4: wasn't bad enough as her best friend, being friends with

747
00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:53,040
Speaker 4: benefits is really challenging for me. To my knowledge, she

748
00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:55,600
Speaker 4: has no boyfriend, no love interest, or anything like that.

749
00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:58,240
Speaker 4: But whenever I bring up dating or anything serious, I

750
00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 4: met with just a spicy tank and an open ended

751
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 4: we'll talk about it later, or let's just have some

752
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 4: fun together and think about it later. Should I just

753
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:08,440
Speaker 4: be patient? Our friendship dynamic has changed. I get excited

754
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:11,239
Speaker 4: just by the thought of being alone with her, and

755
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:13,280
Speaker 4: now we're hiding things from our parents and friends. And

756
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 4: while I feel like I'm falling for her more and more.

757
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:17,240
Speaker 4: I haven't any clue as to what she is thinking.

758
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:19,760
Speaker 4: Why do I feel so much regret despite being so happy?

759
00:33:19,880 --> 00:33:21,959
Speaker 4: Is this wrong to have this type of relationship with

760
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,920
Speaker 4: her given how I feel about her? Clearly law on

761
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 4: one page and she's on another. You intuitively know this.

762
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:29,960
Speaker 4: He doesn't want to have the conversation and you do.

763
00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:33,320
Speaker 4: Food it's going to lead to things ending, which they

764
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:35,719
Speaker 4: probably should, because you're setting yourself up for like a

765
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 4: huge let down here. Obviously, the spicy Tango is a

766
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:42,040
Speaker 4: dream come true for me. She's a gorgeous girl, and

767
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:44,920
Speaker 4: friends slash family all throughout school have always joked about

768
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:46,920
Speaker 4: us dating or looking up. I don't know if I

769
00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:48,560
Speaker 4: can ever go back to seeing her as just a

770
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:50,800
Speaker 4: best friend without the benefits. And the fact that I

771
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:53,080
Speaker 4: don't know if this is the same for her scares

772
00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:55,719
Speaker 4: me my overthinking this? Or should I just enjoy it

773
00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 4: while it lasts? You have some comments. Number one says,

774
00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:01,440
Speaker 4: enjoy it while it lasts because it will abruptly end

775
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:04,040
Speaker 4: at some point. Don't get emotionally attached, and if you are,

776
00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:06,400
Speaker 4: and the friends with benefits for your own sake, ohp

777
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:09,360
Speaker 4: he replied, I am about a three miles past that

778
00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:11,719
Speaker 4: don't get attached part. All I can really do is

779
00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:14,080
Speaker 4: enjoy it while last and see where it goes. We've

780
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:17,120
Speaker 4: been friends for this long, and we've always been there

781
00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:19,919
Speaker 4: when we needed each other. So here's to hoping there

782
00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:22,680
Speaker 4: is another reason she hasn't given me answer. The only

783
00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:25,200
Speaker 4: thing I would worry about and a reply is if

784
00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:27,360
Speaker 4: there is a fallout and you two are not on

785
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:29,640
Speaker 4: the same page about things. The sixteen year old friendship

786
00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:31,719
Speaker 4: is a lot to lose, and emotions can run high

787
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:33,839
Speaker 4: and things like this, so just be careful. Looking at

788
00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:36,239
Speaker 4: it from a third party, this can't end well. But

789
00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:38,959
Speaker 4: you have more information than we do. OPI replies, Yeah,

790
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,600
Speaker 4: I completely understand where you're coming from. Like one of

791
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:43,960
Speaker 4: the other commenters said, though I've liked this girl for

792
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:47,080
Speaker 4: more than half my life, I vividly remember daydreaming about

793
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,640
Speaker 4: doing the tango with her back in high school even prom,

794
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:51,440
Speaker 4: and I didn't manage it. I can't turn off my

795
00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:54,160
Speaker 4: feeling for and even ending it beforehand won't bring about

796
00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:56,800
Speaker 4: the closure I'm seeking. I think, if anything, it's probably

797
00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:59,480
Speaker 4: regret not biding my time to see where we could

798
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:01,560
Speaker 4: have went. I don't want to sound corny or helpless,

799
00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:03,880
Speaker 4: but what I'm doing with this girl undoubtedly makes me

800
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:05,759
Speaker 4: more happy than I've ever been. The way I see

801
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:07,480
Speaker 4: it in black and white is either we end up

802
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:09,919
Speaker 4: together and live happily ever after some time down the road,

803
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:11,839
Speaker 4: or she leaves me for someone else, in which case

804
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:14,600
Speaker 4: our friendship ends anyways for an extremely long time. That's

805
00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:16,520
Speaker 4: just how trying to date a best friend, in my eyes,

806
00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:19,520
Speaker 4: is always gone make it something better, or watch years

807
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:20,840
Speaker 4: of friendship crumble two million.

808
00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:22,080
Speaker 1: So you know what you're doing?

809
00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:23,640
Speaker 4: Did you know what you're risking?

810
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:25,160
Speaker 2: Understand the consequences?

811
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:28,160
Speaker 4: It sounds like you're just trying to delude yourself, but whatever.

812
00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:30,480
Speaker 4: The only information I left out is that she doesn't

813
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:32,440
Speaker 4: want to talk about the two years we weren't connected,

814
00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:34,719
Speaker 4: which leads me to think that something happened. I don't

815
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:37,319
Speaker 4: know if it's a bad breakup, a horrible experience, or

816
00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:40,240
Speaker 4: what really caused such a change. Hopefully I can find

817
00:35:40,239 --> 00:35:44,560
Speaker 4: out and hear the update. TLDR, my best friend of

818
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 4: sixteen years who never showed interest in me, showed up

819
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:48,800
Speaker 4: in my college apartment one day and randomly had the

820
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:50,960
Speaker 4: spice to sleep with me. She's been coming over pretty

821
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,000
Speaker 4: much every other day since the semester started. I've liked

822
00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:54,560
Speaker 4: her for years, but she won't give me a definite

823
00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:57,080
Speaker 4: reason as to what this means or where it's going.

824
00:35:57,120 --> 00:36:00,400
Speaker 4: Despite most people, including many of my closest friends, telling

825
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:02,920
Speaker 4: me to just end things with her or force her

826
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:06,160
Speaker 4: into a decision, I decided to not listen to anyone's

827
00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:09,239
Speaker 4: advice and write it out, accepting that I'd probably get

828
00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:11,440
Speaker 4: tossed to the side when someone better came around for

829
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:14,960
Speaker 4: her and be crushed into a million little pieces, and

830
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:17,920
Speaker 4: my heart would be put behind a ten foot fixed

831
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 4: steel wall. Brother, what are you doing yourself here? We

832
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:23,400
Speaker 4: went on to be friends with benefits for about four months,

833
00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:25,480
Speaker 4: and those were honestly the most nerve wrecking months of

834
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:27,560
Speaker 4: my life, never knowing when or if it was going

835
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:29,479
Speaker 4: to end or what she was really thinking. I tried

836
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 4: my best to play it off as it didn't bother me,

837
00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:34,080
Speaker 4: but really it was a bittersweet time for me. Of course,

838
00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:36,520
Speaker 4: it was after our school semester ended we drifted apart

839
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:38,400
Speaker 4: a little bit. We both were spending time with family

840
00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:41,000
Speaker 4: and friends. We both had extremely busy semesters and spent

841
00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:43,560
Speaker 4: most of the time studying or with one another, so

842
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:46,000
Speaker 4: that was expected. She ended up going on vacation with

843
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:48,359
Speaker 4: her parents to visit her grandparents in England. She did

844
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:50,800
Speaker 4: invite me to come along months ago, but I already

845
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:53,440
Speaker 4: had other obligations, so I couldn't go with her, despite

846
00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:55,080
Speaker 4: wanting to. We did talk on the phone a few

847
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:58,080
Speaker 4: times while she was away. I actually had an annual

848
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:00,719
Speaker 4: soccer tournament with my traveling team and we met this

849
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:02,840
Speaker 4: all girls team at the tournament and I was telling

850
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:04,960
Speaker 4: her about it, since she plays soccer as well. She

851
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:07,040
Speaker 4: seemed happy for me that I was having fun, but

852
00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:08,799
Speaker 4: I could tell that it was bothering her. I just

853
00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:11,120
Speaker 4: chopped it up to maybe I sounded like I was

854
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:12,040
Speaker 4: bragging or something.

855
00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:15,040
Speaker 2: Ooh, she caught feelings. She caught feelings. She just caught felains.

856
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:16,000
Speaker 2: She got the feelings.

857
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:18,239
Speaker 4: Now, two weeks later, she asked me if I can

858
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:20,520
Speaker 4: pick her up from the airport because she flew back early,

859
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:23,400
Speaker 4: and she nearly knocks me over. She hugs me so tightly. Ooh,

860
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:25,600
Speaker 4: she wants me she can't have She's never shown so

861
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:27,960
Speaker 4: much intimacy in public before, and she even tells me

862
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:30,439
Speaker 4: that she really missed me. It's like eight pm when

863
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:33,000
Speaker 4: we go to Starbucks. She's being like really different, a

864
00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:35,240
Speaker 4: lot quieter than normal, and she seems a little nervous

865
00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:36,960
Speaker 4: around me, like she wants to say something.

866
00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:37,600
Speaker 2: Oh no.

867
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:41,480
Speaker 4: Eventually she confesses that she realizes she does like me

868
00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:44,600
Speaker 4: as more than just a friend, and she apologizes for

869
00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:47,520
Speaker 4: her unfairness making me wait so long before giving me

870
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 4: an answer.

871
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:50,840
Speaker 2: I tell you what, I tell you, what I tell you.

872
00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:51,640
Speaker 2: I could fix her.

873
00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:53,480
Speaker 1: I was wrong a project.

874
00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:56,120
Speaker 4: I was wrong if this is real, because it's reading

875
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:58,120
Speaker 4: like a fan fiction of this, this is.

876
00:37:58,120 --> 00:37:59,680
Speaker 1: Real all to me.

877
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:02,680
Speaker 4: This is alternate Riley, right are Remember, folks, if you

878
00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:04,880
Speaker 4: want your friends with benefits to take you seriously, just

879
00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:07,200
Speaker 4: brag about how you met the all girls' soccer team.

880
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:08,000
Speaker 2: It'll go perfectly.

881
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:10,120
Speaker 4: She tells me that before she left, she didn't really

882
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:12,080
Speaker 4: know what she wanted. She didn't know if she wanted

883
00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:14,080
Speaker 4: a relationship or if she was ready to be in one.

884
00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:15,560
Speaker 4: She said that she was afraid to get into a

885
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:18,280
Speaker 4: relationship with me, only to realize that she didn't want it. Beard,

886
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:20,360
Speaker 4: our friendship would be unable to bounce back, by the

887
00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:23,280
Speaker 4: way you can bounce on over to Spotify or Apple

888
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:26,440
Speaker 4: podcasts or iHeartRadio or wherever you listen to your podcast

889
00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:29,320
Speaker 4: and search Okay storytime where you can find full episodes

890
00:38:29,360 --> 00:38:32,400
Speaker 4: with stories like this. How many days forty nine days

891
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:33,840
Speaker 4: worth of stories to listen to?

892
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:35,439
Speaker 2: Forty seven days, forty seven nights.

893
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:37,480
Speaker 4: Yes, we have plenty to listen to. Go over there

894
00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:39,480
Speaker 4: and listen to it. The story's almost over, let's finish

895
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:41,440
Speaker 4: it off. She told me that she experienced a lot

896
00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:43,719
Speaker 4: of things in England and was sad that she wasn't

897
00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:46,000
Speaker 4: able to experience them together with me. You talk to

898
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:48,319
Speaker 4: her older sister who lives in England, who really put

899
00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:50,920
Speaker 4: in some good words for me. So we're officially dating

900
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,680
Speaker 4: and everything has been awesome and I couldn't be happier.

901
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:54,040
Speaker 1: Sorry.

902
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:56,040
Speaker 4: If this update is a bit lacking, I mean it's not.

903
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:57,040
Speaker 1: It's a great update.

904
00:38:57,239 --> 00:38:59,360
Speaker 4: I'm happy for you. I tried to summarize three weeks

905
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:01,440
Speaker 4: worth into this post without making it a novel. But

906
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:03,680
Speaker 4: if you have any questions about anything, just let me know.

907
00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:06,399
Speaker 4: Thanks for the advice on the original post. It really

908
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:08,160
Speaker 4: gave me some solid perspective.

909
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:11,480
Speaker 2: Dude, bro one bro is winning. I am so freaking

910
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:12,399
Speaker 2: happy for this man.

911
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:15,520
Speaker 4: I was winning, but her lack of communication really does

912
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:20,720
Speaker 4: a flag for me. Make sure that if you feel

913
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:23,440
Speaker 4: like y'all can't talk about something moving forward, you have

914
00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:24,720
Speaker 4: to be able to speak.

915
00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:27,920
Speaker 2: She just needed you know what happens when the heart

916
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:30,240
Speaker 2: is distant. She just needed to day dream fonder.

917
00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:33,040
Speaker 4: She just needed to daydream about you flirting with an

918
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:35,960
Speaker 4: entire girls soccer team, and then she realized how much

919
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:36,719
Speaker 4: of a catch you were.

920
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:39,480
Speaker 2: And that's the blueprints, guys, that's how you do it.

921
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:41,759
Speaker 2: That story right in the end of that story, switch

922
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:43,040
Speaker 2: it off to the next.

923
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:46,240
Speaker 3: My friend drop me as a maid of honor days

924
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:49,440
Speaker 3: before the wedding. I still hold a grudge.

925
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:52,160
Speaker 1: That's that's fair, that's fair, that's grudge worthy.

926
00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:55,879
Speaker 3: Small warning, this is a long post. Around six years ago,

927
00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:58,600
Speaker 3: one of my best friends at the time got engaged

928
00:39:58,719 --> 00:40:00,680
Speaker 3: and asked me to be her made of honor. To

929
00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:03,759
Speaker 3: avoid confusion, let's day for Tessa and her fiance Dave.

930
00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:06,320
Speaker 3: I was thrilled for her and beyond happy that she

931
00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:08,760
Speaker 3: asked me. By the way, this comes from Star Crossed

932
00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:10,960
Speaker 3: Astrod and if you want to submit your own stories,

933
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:13,080
Speaker 3: go to our slash Shokey storytime supperate It. I grew

934
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:15,759
Speaker 3: up with her, and we were very close. For context,

935
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:18,000
Speaker 3: she was a close family friend who ended up moving

936
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:20,279
Speaker 3: in with us. I was an early teenager thirteen to

937
00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:22,920
Speaker 3: fourteen years old, and she had just turned twenty two.

938
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:25,239
Speaker 3: Since we lived together and spent a lot of time

939
00:40:25,239 --> 00:40:27,879
Speaker 3: with each other, we became like sisters. We told each

940
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:32,359
Speaker 3: other everything, went everywhere together, et cetera. Anyway, fast forward

941
00:40:32,360 --> 00:40:34,440
Speaker 3: to the wedding. You got married a month before my

942
00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:37,760
Speaker 3: eighteenth birthday. She and her fiance had a classic modern

943
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:41,640
Speaker 3: love story of falling in love online and doing long distance.

944
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:43,960
Speaker 3: Due to this, I never really met the guy. I

945
00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:46,320
Speaker 3: only ever really said hi to him a few times

946
00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:48,799
Speaker 3: on the phone. For more context, they typically met up

947
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:50,720
Speaker 3: when she got off work, but since I was always

948
00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:53,120
Speaker 3: back and forth between my mom and dads and busy

949
00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:55,720
Speaker 3: with clubs and schools, I never met him. Anyway, Fast

950
00:40:55,719 --> 00:40:57,840
Speaker 3: forward again to the wedding. They ended up deciding that

951
00:40:57,920 --> 00:41:00,480
Speaker 3: she gets to choose all the details if he picks

952
00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 3: the venue. Dave chose Vegas. We were there for around

953
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:06,560
Speaker 3: five days. Day one was just us all catching up

954
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:09,120
Speaker 3: and hanging out. Day two we decided to spend some

955
00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:11,560
Speaker 3: quality time together, so my mom and aunt went on

956
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:13,640
Speaker 3: their own, and so did we. Towards the middle of

957
00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:16,839
Speaker 3: the day, we ran into Dave's son. More context, Dave

958
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:19,200
Speaker 3: was in his late forties, his son was around twenty

959
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:21,360
Speaker 3: three to twenty four, and Tessa was now in her

960
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:23,960
Speaker 3: late twenties. Anyway, we talked with them for a bit

961
00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:26,880
Speaker 3: and the conversation evolved to her mentioning she was nervous.

962
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:29,760
Speaker 3: The son and his partner happened to have magic gummies

963
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:31,680
Speaker 3: on them, and since she was nervous, they offered her

964
00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:34,200
Speaker 3: one to calm her down. However, she didn't tell them

965
00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:37,239
Speaker 3: that she hadn't eaten or wasted anything since morning, and

966
00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:40,759
Speaker 3: because we met up right after lunch, I didn't know that. Well,

967
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:43,719
Speaker 3: the magic ummies worked very fast, and before we knew it,

968
00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:46,640
Speaker 3: she was feeling sick. Oh no, it got so bad

969
00:41:46,719 --> 00:41:48,279
Speaker 3: that I ended up having to take her back to

970
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:50,400
Speaker 3: our rooms since they didn't know where hers was and

971
00:41:50,440 --> 00:41:52,640
Speaker 3: she was really out of it. I tried phoning my

972
00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:54,840
Speaker 3: mom and aunt, but they weren't answering, so I just

973
00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:57,200
Speaker 3: tried to give her food and water in small increments

974
00:41:57,239 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 3: so she would throw it up. I tried to let

975
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:01,520
Speaker 3: her rest and get it out out of her system. Eventually,

976
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:03,800
Speaker 3: they came back and I didn't know how to explain

977
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:06,520
Speaker 3: it and get her what she needed without telling them

978
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:09,360
Speaker 3: the truth, so I did. They unfortunately ended up telling

979
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:12,000
Speaker 3: her fiance because they didn't know how to explain it

980
00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:14,480
Speaker 3: to him either, and they knew he would have questions.

981
00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:17,120
Speaker 3: He ended up coming to pick her up and was pissed.

982
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:19,000
Speaker 3: We weren't a fan of how he was talking to

983
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:20,880
Speaker 3: her in the moment, rushing her to get up and

984
00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:23,000
Speaker 3: telling her she was fine, but we ignored it in

985
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:25,360
Speaker 3: the moment because we were more focused on trying to

986
00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:27,440
Speaker 3: make her feel better. He came to me, since I

987
00:42:27,520 --> 00:42:30,439
Speaker 3: was the only one with her all day, and demanded.

988
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:31,280
Speaker 1: Answers, give me the answer.

989
00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:33,560
Speaker 3: I told him the truth. He said, okay, she just

990
00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 3: needs water and food. After that, we ended up convincing

991
00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:38,000
Speaker 3: him to give her an hour more, so he did.

992
00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:39,960
Speaker 3: Then he picked her up again and brought her back

993
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:41,799
Speaker 3: to their room. On day three, she was fine again.

994
00:42:41,880 --> 00:42:44,520
Speaker 3: Tessa apologized profusely to my mom and aunt and they

995
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:47,360
Speaker 3: forgave her. We all decided to do the same split

996
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:50,320
Speaker 3: hangout again, so Tessa and I went out and enjoyed

997
00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:53,400
Speaker 3: her day, roaming around and doing a bunch of fun activities.

998
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:55,920
Speaker 3: When we then met up with my mom and aunt

999
00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:58,320
Speaker 3: at the end of the night for dinner, since that's

1000
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:00,720
Speaker 3: what she wanted to do for her bachelorette party. Bars

1001
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:02,560
Speaker 3: were off the table due to my age, so we

1002
00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:05,439
Speaker 3: just chose a fancy, sit down rushaurant. At some point

1003
00:43:05,520 --> 00:43:07,759
Speaker 3: during the night, I'm not really sure when, but I

1004
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:10,080
Speaker 3: guess she pulled my mom aside and talked to her.

1005
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:12,160
Speaker 3: Once we were back up in our rooms, my mom

1006
00:43:12,239 --> 00:43:14,880
Speaker 3: sat me down for the conversation.

1007
00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:15,520
Speaker 1: What do you think is about to have it?

1008
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:17,600
Speaker 3: Well, based on the title.

1009
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:18,960
Speaker 1: And you didn't have the title.

1010
00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:22,360
Speaker 3: I didn't have the title. What do you think is it?

1011
00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:27,440
Speaker 3: I don't know. Oh, okay, saw the title? Yeah, okay,

1012
00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:29,239
Speaker 3: I already know what's gonna happen. She told me that

1013
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:32,040
Speaker 3: Dave didn't like that Tessa chose a seventeen year old

1014
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:33,960
Speaker 3: to be her maid of honor. He knew how close

1015
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:35,680
Speaker 3: we were and why she asked me, and he was

1016
00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:38,200
Speaker 3: also aware that I was one month away from being eighteen,

1017
00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:40,960
Speaker 3: but he still didn't want me to be made of honor.

1018
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:43,560
Speaker 3: In his opinion, I was too young, and he told

1019
00:43:43,560 --> 00:43:45,359
Speaker 3: her to pick someone else. I don't know if it's

1020
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:47,719
Speaker 3: because he thought I gave her the magic gummies, or

1021
00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:50,000
Speaker 3: if that was just his genuine opinion, but it was

1022
00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:53,200
Speaker 3: what he wanted regardless, since the only family she really

1023
00:43:53,239 --> 00:43:55,439
Speaker 3: had there was us, she ended up picking my mom.

1024
00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:58,080
Speaker 3: Apparently they argued about it, but he wasn't letting up,

1025
00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:00,680
Speaker 3: and in order to avoid a small argument into more,

1026
00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:03,120
Speaker 3: she just I figured if I voiced how I felt,

1027
00:44:03,239 --> 00:44:05,360
Speaker 3: he would just write off my anger as me proving

1028
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:07,360
Speaker 3: his point that I was too young, which just nodded

1029
00:44:07,440 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 3: my head the sure and went to bed. I ended

1030
00:44:09,719 --> 00:44:13,000
Speaker 3: up crying myself to sleep that night. Oh it may

1031
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:14,600
Speaker 3: have been dumb, but I've always been the one that

1032
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:17,759
Speaker 3: gets chosen last growing up. Due to me moving around

1033
00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:19,520
Speaker 3: a lot when I was younger, I didn't really have

1034
00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:22,239
Speaker 3: too many of those lasting connections. Most people stopped making

1035
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:24,520
Speaker 3: an effort after a year or two, and you kind

1036
00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:27,120
Speaker 3: of just become the back burner friend that they remember last.

1037
00:44:27,239 --> 00:44:29,359
Speaker 3: Tessa was one of the few people that didn't do that.

1038
00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:31,960
Speaker 3: So it really meant the world to me for multiple

1039
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,160
Speaker 3: reasons that she wanted me to be the maid of honor.

1040
00:44:34,200 --> 00:44:36,640
Speaker 3: It also really hurt that he decided I shouldn't be

1041
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:40,600
Speaker 3: and she reluctantly gave in. Well, the next day came,

1042
00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:43,359
Speaker 3: the wedding happened, and I sat through the whole thing

1043
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:45,520
Speaker 3: with a fake smile because as much as I tried,

1044
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:47,839
Speaker 3: I could not bring myself to be happy about it.

1045
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:53,279
Speaker 1: This is also so I'm sad. I'm frustrated too. This

1046
00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:56,279
Speaker 1: is days before the wedding. This is her a day

1047
00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:58,239
Speaker 1: before the wedding, a day before the wedding, this is

1048
00:44:58,520 --> 00:45:00,719
Speaker 1: her good friend. He has no right to be like

1049
00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:03,480
Speaker 1: to decide who is her maid of honor? Yeah, and

1050
00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:06,800
Speaker 1: it being age is so irrelevant? Why does that matter?

1051
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:08,919
Speaker 3: And the slightest like, why is she marrying this man?

1052
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:11,520
Speaker 3: He struck me as not such a great guy. He

1053
00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:13,479
Speaker 3: made no effort to get to know me or my mom.

1054
00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:16,120
Speaker 3: He didn't even really talk to us. All we got

1055
00:45:16,239 --> 00:45:18,120
Speaker 3: was a hello and a handshake on the first night.

1056
00:45:18,360 --> 00:45:20,880
Speaker 3: We didn't see him again until the magic gummy situation,

1057
00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:23,040
Speaker 3: and then we didn't see him again until the wedding.

1058
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:25,439
Speaker 3: After that, all we got was a thank you when

1059
00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:28,040
Speaker 3: we said congratulations and a quick bye when it was

1060
00:45:28,080 --> 00:45:30,319
Speaker 3: time for us all to leave. Personally, that never sat

1061
00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:32,160
Speaker 3: well with me. I'm not sure if my aunt and

1062
00:45:32,239 --> 00:45:34,279
Speaker 3: mom said that he thought we gave it to her,

1063
00:45:34,400 --> 00:45:36,959
Speaker 3: or if they were just guessing, But apparently he wasn't

1064
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:39,919
Speaker 3: the happiest with us after that. I am now twenty two,

1065
00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:42,640
Speaker 3: and even though I'm no longer actively mad about the situation,

1066
00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:45,120
Speaker 3: it still hurts to look back on it. Every once

1067
00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:48,160
Speaker 3: in a while when I hear about Dave get a

1068
00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:49,239
Speaker 3: bitter taste in my mouth.

1069
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:49,759
Speaker 1: I would too.

1070
00:45:49,920 --> 00:45:52,080
Speaker 3: Since she married him, Tessa has only been able to

1071
00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:54,480
Speaker 3: visit us once for a weekend, and it was only

1072
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:56,720
Speaker 3: because she had some paperwork to get in our state.

1073
00:45:56,960 --> 00:45:59,279
Speaker 3: My best guess is that he probably would have not

1074
00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:02,480
Speaker 3: let her go oh otherwise. He's also never come out

1075
00:46:02,480 --> 00:46:04,600
Speaker 3: with her to see us, even though she goes home

1076
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:06,480
Speaker 3: every year to see them. From what I know of

1077
00:46:06,520 --> 00:46:08,960
Speaker 3: her life now, other than being a housewife, she works

1078
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:11,399
Speaker 3: for his company and is so busy that her health

1079
00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:12,800
Speaker 3: has actively been declining.

1080
00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:16,600
Speaker 1: That's terrifying. Yeah, I mean, that's very busy, very busy.

1081
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:18,319
Speaker 3: I wish there was something we could do about it.

1082
00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:20,239
Speaker 3: But she's so busy that we only ever get the

1083
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:23,239
Speaker 3: occasional text from her on holidays and birthdays. Any other

1084
00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:25,560
Speaker 3: updates we hear it come from her grandmother, who calls

1085
00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:27,160
Speaker 3: us from time to time. I wish I would have

1086
00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:29,600
Speaker 3: seen the signs before. I wasn't around much when I

1087
00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:32,320
Speaker 3: was seventeen because it was constantly traveling back and forth

1088
00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:34,520
Speaker 3: between my mom and dad, who are separated and live

1089
00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:36,600
Speaker 3: in two different countries. But from what little I knew

1090
00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:39,240
Speaker 3: of this man, he seemed cool. I was so busy

1091
00:46:39,320 --> 00:46:41,920
Speaker 3: juggling everything that I wasn't seeing the signs. I know

1092
00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:44,279
Speaker 3: it was not my responsibility to tell her, since she

1093
00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:46,920
Speaker 3: was a grown woman capable of making grown decisions, but

1094
00:46:47,040 --> 00:46:49,120
Speaker 3: in my personal opinion, I feel that she should have

1095
00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:51,520
Speaker 3: at least heard it from one person. Everyone else at

1096
00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:54,399
Speaker 3: the time was doing nothing but seeing his praises. By

1097
00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:58,840
Speaker 3: the way, you can praise us, praise us by listening

1098
00:46:58,880 --> 00:47:01,360
Speaker 3: to fall episodes of stories just like this. Just go

1099
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:03,920
Speaker 3: to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app and

1100
00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:05,439
Speaker 3: search up Okay story Time. But there is a little

1101
00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:08,400
Speaker 3: bit left to the final thoughts about this marriage about Vegas.

1102
00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:11,719
Speaker 1: I would like, Oh, Peter, know that it is not

1103
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:17,839
Speaker 1: your responsibility what your adult friend decided to marry this man,

1104
00:47:18,400 --> 00:47:22,080
Speaker 1: and these things and the signs and your concerns progressed

1105
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:25,239
Speaker 1: over time, so one it's not even if it looked bad.

1106
00:47:25,320 --> 00:47:28,799
Speaker 1: It's not your responsibility to change your opinion or to

1107
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:31,480
Speaker 1: convince her not to marry this man, not that you

1108
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:36,239
Speaker 1: could if you tried. And then two like these concerns

1109
00:47:36,239 --> 00:47:39,279
Speaker 1: have progressed and with time you have seen that, and

1110
00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:41,400
Speaker 1: so it's I don't think it's fair to yourself to

1111
00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:43,319
Speaker 1: kind of backtrack. And you're like, oh, I should have

1112
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:46,920
Speaker 1: seen all these signs in the very beginning, when her

1113
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:49,280
Speaker 1: herself couldn't have even seen that exactly.

1114
00:47:49,400 --> 00:47:50,680
Speaker 3: And again you were like seventy.

1115
00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:55,040
Speaker 1: And also I think there there is room to have

1116
00:47:55,040 --> 00:47:58,160
Speaker 1: a conversation with your friend and instead of like say

1117
00:47:58,239 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 1: blaming or anything, just be like I've I've been noticed

1118
00:48:00,719 --> 00:48:03,960
Speaker 1: earned because of this and this, like can you glu

1119
00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:05,279
Speaker 1: me in like what's going on?

1120
00:48:05,280 --> 00:48:07,520
Speaker 3: Absolutely just saying like I haven't seen in a long time,

1121
00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:09,399
Speaker 3: and I just want you to know that you need

1122
00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:11,080
Speaker 3: a place to stay, if you need.

1123
00:48:10,920 --> 00:48:11,640
Speaker 1: Someone to talk to.

1124
00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:14,040
Speaker 3: It's now been years since I've seen her, and other

1125
00:48:14,120 --> 00:48:15,920
Speaker 3: than the few updates I get now and then, I

1126
00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:18,240
Speaker 3: don't know much about how they are now. So here's

1127
00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:21,560
Speaker 3: where my title comes into play. Am I the ale

1128
00:48:21,719 --> 00:48:25,640
Speaker 3: for still holding a grudge against Dave? Even after five years.

1129
00:48:25,680 --> 00:48:27,759
Speaker 3: What are your opinions on the story? Do you think

1130
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:29,520
Speaker 3: I'm wrong? And how I think of Dave and what

1131
00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:31,600
Speaker 3: do you all think of the situation. I never really

1132
00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:34,320
Speaker 3: had anyone to talk with about this specific situation because

1133
00:48:34,320 --> 00:48:36,799
Speaker 3: me and my mom aren't very close. We'd love some

1134
00:48:36,880 --> 00:48:39,719
Speaker 3: input things for reading. And that is the end of

1135
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:42,680
Speaker 3: the story. No, I don't think you're the ale again.

1136
00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:45,640
Speaker 3: You were seventeen, You were child in a situation where

1137
00:48:45,640 --> 00:48:48,319
Speaker 3: two adults were getting married and maybe not the best match.

1138
00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:52,320
Speaker 1: And regardless, you haven't had anyone to talk to about

1139
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:54,920
Speaker 1: this situation, and it meant a lot to you. This

1140
00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:57,080
Speaker 1: person was a good friend. You haven't had a long

1141
00:48:57,200 --> 00:49:01,080
Speaker 1: history of good friends sticking around, and I can imagine

1142
00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:04,319
Speaker 1: you feeling kind of let down, not only by Dave,

1143
00:49:04,360 --> 00:49:07,759
Speaker 1: but by your friend, and so it's totally natural that

1144
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:10,920
Speaker 1: all those emotions are kind of grouped around Dave. And

1145
00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:14,600
Speaker 1: also even after the fact, you kind of lost a

1146
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:17,400
Speaker 1: friend who I haven't seen for years because of this marriage.

1147
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:19,600
Speaker 1: So it makes sense that you're you're holding this grudge

1148
00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:20,080
Speaker 1: and that you're.

1149
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:22,280
Speaker 3: Upset exactly, But that is the end of the story.

1150
00:49:23,680 --> 00:49:25,680
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We'll get back to the stories.

1151
00:49:25,680 --> 00:49:27,600
Speaker 4: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1152
00:49:28,239 --> 00:49:32,280
Speaker 1: My friend is only taking advantage of my friendship, making

1153
00:49:32,320 --> 00:49:37,720
Speaker 1: me sad. Direct sub Hello. My name is Ria female

1154
00:49:37,719 --> 00:49:40,440
Speaker 1: and this involves a friend named Eva twenty six female.

1155
00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:43,320
Speaker 1: I met Eva a few months ago in late August.

1156
00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:45,600
Speaker 1: We met through a mutual ex Eva and I got

1157
00:49:45,719 --> 00:49:48,480
Speaker 1: very close, super quickly. And by the way, this comes

1158
00:49:48,520 --> 00:49:51,160
Speaker 1: from you dash Lonely Bone at eleven. If you want

1159
00:49:51,160 --> 00:49:54,360
Speaker 1: to submit your own stories, go to Roka story Time subwritter.

1160
00:49:54,520 --> 00:49:56,879
Speaker 1: So we are both into art and we both paint

1161
00:49:56,920 --> 00:49:59,719
Speaker 1: to make jewelry together. My friend and I often sell

1162
00:49:59,719 --> 00:50:02,239
Speaker 1: it mars vendor events around town. We even have an

1163
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:04,520
Speaker 1: art show coming up where we will both have some

1164
00:50:04,719 --> 00:50:07,000
Speaker 1: art pieces on display. When I first met her, she

1165
00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:09,880
Speaker 1: had no job, drank too much and smoked too much,

1166
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:12,640
Speaker 1: so much that she embarrassed herself at this vendor event

1167
00:50:12,680 --> 00:50:16,440
Speaker 1: where we help this band sell merch. I was also embarrassed.

1168
00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:18,440
Speaker 1: I did have a conversation with her the next day

1169
00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:21,200
Speaker 1: or to tell her that things needed to change or else

1170
00:50:21,239 --> 00:50:23,759
Speaker 1: our friendship could no longer be. In the upcoming weeks,

1171
00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:25,520
Speaker 1: she changed a lot, at least in front of me.

1172
00:50:25,760 --> 00:50:27,760
Speaker 1: She didn't drink like I would see her in the past.

1173
00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:31,200
Speaker 1: She became a little more responsible with our vendor events. However,

1174
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:34,080
Speaker 1: she was still very forgetful and still smoked a lot,

1175
00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:36,520
Speaker 1: but that's on her. Usually for our events, I am

1176
00:50:36,520 --> 00:50:38,080
Speaker 1: the one who drives us, and if I happen to

1177
00:50:38,080 --> 00:50:40,400
Speaker 1: get hungry, I also have to buy her food because

1178
00:50:40,400 --> 00:50:42,840
Speaker 1: she doesn't have any money to get her own. We

1179
00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:45,200
Speaker 1: usually do share a table, but I usually have more

1180
00:50:45,239 --> 00:50:47,600
Speaker 1: of my stuff set up because she doesn't really create

1181
00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:49,879
Speaker 1: too much art like she used to before I knew her.

1182
00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:51,920
Speaker 1: She seems to start something and then leave it there

1183
00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:54,480
Speaker 1: and begin on something else, so she is constantly just

1184
00:50:54,560 --> 00:50:57,200
Speaker 1: reselling her old merchandise that hasn't sold. I do like

1185
00:50:57,239 --> 00:50:58,959
Speaker 1: having her as a friend because she is the first

1186
00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:01,200
Speaker 1: person that I actually got along with really well in

1187
00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:04,400
Speaker 1: regards to having things in commons such as music, art creating.

1188
00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:06,080
Speaker 1: I've allowed her to come spend the night in my

1189
00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:08,000
Speaker 1: house when it is near an event so that we

1190
00:51:08,040 --> 00:51:10,520
Speaker 1: could plan what we're taking and create a few pieces

1191
00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:13,120
Speaker 1: befo going. We recently signed up for an artist event

1192
00:51:13,200 --> 00:51:15,439
Speaker 1: where we have to draw something original and it would

1193
00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:17,239
Speaker 1: be up for sale. I got my art in time,

1194
00:51:17,280 --> 00:51:19,120
Speaker 1: but she did not, and she was going to drop

1195
00:51:19,160 --> 00:51:21,040
Speaker 1: it off on the very last date that it would

1196
00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:23,239
Speaker 1: be accepted. I did try to make sure that she

1197
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:25,600
Speaker 1: would take it on time, However, I never heard back

1198
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:27,440
Speaker 1: from her on that subject to see if she ended

1199
00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:29,879
Speaker 1: up submitting it or not. Recently, she just got into

1200
00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:33,160
Speaker 1: a relationship with her friend from some years ago. Ever

1201
00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:35,680
Speaker 1: since then, which hasn't been very long, maybe two weeks

1202
00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:38,880
Speaker 1: or so, she's been ignoring my text messages. To clarify,

1203
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:42,080
Speaker 1: these aren't text messages on catching up or silly questions,

1204
00:51:42,080 --> 00:51:44,520
Speaker 1: not saying that asking how someone is doing is silly.

1205
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:46,200
Speaker 1: I just don't know how to ward it. However, I've

1206
00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:48,480
Speaker 1: been texting her to see if art was submitted for

1207
00:51:48,520 --> 00:51:50,440
Speaker 1: the art show, since I probably had to drive her

1208
00:51:50,440 --> 00:51:52,439
Speaker 1: there because she may not have a ride. I also

1209
00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:54,520
Speaker 1: want to be very supportive if she happens to have

1210
00:51:54,600 --> 00:51:56,520
Speaker 1: her art on display. But ever since she got in

1211
00:51:56,560 --> 00:51:59,520
Speaker 1: a relationship, she actually doesn't text me back at all.

1212
00:51:59,800 --> 00:52:02,080
Speaker 1: She does, it will be the day of an event,

1213
00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:04,879
Speaker 1: maybe hours leading to it. Honestly, it makes me sad

1214
00:52:04,920 --> 00:52:07,320
Speaker 1: because growing up I didn't have a lot of court friends,

1215
00:52:07,360 --> 00:52:09,520
Speaker 1: and I'm thirty now I am actually making up for

1216
00:52:09,560 --> 00:52:12,759
Speaker 1: my teenage years now, as honestly, I didn't even have

1217
00:52:12,840 --> 00:52:15,719
Speaker 1: teenage years as a normal teenager. Growing up, I was

1218
00:52:15,760 --> 00:52:18,200
Speaker 1: just always bullied and I feel like I never really

1219
00:52:18,239 --> 00:52:21,040
Speaker 1: fit in anywhere. I was also uber poor. Things got

1220
00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:23,080
Speaker 1: a little better in my late twenties. So now that

1221
00:52:23,160 --> 00:52:25,240
Speaker 1: I feel like I have a true connection with a friend,

1222
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:28,200
Speaker 1: all I ask for is basic communication. I currently do

1223
00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:31,239
Speaker 1: have two best friends, both male about the same age

1224
00:52:31,239 --> 00:52:33,359
Speaker 1: as me. However, it's not the same. They don't really

1225
00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:36,000
Speaker 1: like crafting the way I do like painting and designing

1226
00:52:36,080 --> 00:52:37,880
Speaker 1: and things like that. I love them, but we do

1227
00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:40,239
Speaker 1: other things apart that we also enjoy. As for my

1228
00:52:40,239 --> 00:52:42,359
Speaker 1: friend Eva, I've been very nice to her, even though

1229
00:52:42,360 --> 00:52:44,320
Speaker 1: I haven't known her that long. It's been a little

1230
00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:46,640
Speaker 1: under a year. She's always coming to my house and

1231
00:52:46,680 --> 00:52:48,920
Speaker 1: we usually have a good time watching movies and crafting.

1232
00:52:49,040 --> 00:52:51,440
Speaker 1: Of course, we also go out and sometimes more due

1233
00:52:51,480 --> 00:52:53,520
Speaker 1: to our vendor events. Since i've known her, she has

1234
00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:56,840
Speaker 1: a lot of boys who are friends. We went out

1235
00:52:56,840 --> 00:52:59,200
Speaker 1: one time and my priority was to bring her home

1236
00:52:59,239 --> 00:53:02,440
Speaker 1: because she doesn't with her mom. Gosh forbid, something happened

1237
00:53:02,440 --> 00:53:05,200
Speaker 1: and her mom would come after me again. Yes, we

1238
00:53:05,239 --> 00:53:07,520
Speaker 1: are adults. But again, she doesn't have a car and

1239
00:53:07,560 --> 00:53:08,520
Speaker 1: she doesn't have a job.

1240
00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:10,839
Speaker 3: What you're both adults, But she doesn't have a car,

1241
00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:13,280
Speaker 3: she doesn't have a job, she doesn't pay for anything,

1242
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:15,120
Speaker 3: so she doesn't have money. What does you have?

1243
00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:17,880
Speaker 1: It seems like because and then this is not dissing

1244
00:53:17,880 --> 00:53:20,960
Speaker 1: you at all, because unfortunately you've had, you know, a

1245
00:53:21,200 --> 00:53:25,520
Speaker 1: childhood without many friends, without the relationships that feel good

1246
00:53:25,760 --> 00:53:28,080
Speaker 1: that you're making up and kind of like taking on

1247
00:53:28,239 --> 00:53:31,160
Speaker 1: so much responsibility of this friendship where you're kind of

1248
00:53:31,200 --> 00:53:33,480
Speaker 1: taking on her like a mother role.

1249
00:53:33,840 --> 00:53:34,080
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1250
00:53:34,080 --> 00:53:36,719
Speaker 1: I mean, like there's a meshment of like having so

1251
00:53:36,800 --> 00:53:39,720
Speaker 1: much responsibility of everything this human does.

1252
00:53:39,680 --> 00:53:41,239
Speaker 3: Even saying like, oh, her mom will come after me,

1253
00:53:41,280 --> 00:53:43,200
Speaker 3: so you're taking on that role. Yeah.

1254
00:53:43,280 --> 00:53:43,360
Speaker 2: No.

1255
00:53:43,480 --> 00:53:45,759
Speaker 3: And also I think going into the point of oh,

1256
00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:47,759
Speaker 3: didn't have a lot of friends growing up, I think

1257
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:51,480
Speaker 3: sometimes when that happens, you have this feeling like if

1258
00:53:51,520 --> 00:53:54,160
Speaker 3: you don't stay with this one friend, you're never going

1259
00:53:54,200 --> 00:53:56,319
Speaker 3: to get another friend. And it's just knowing like you

1260
00:53:56,360 --> 00:53:59,080
Speaker 3: will there are better friends out there than this.

1261
00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:01,960
Speaker 1: Girl, the one that could show you the basics money

1262
00:54:01,960 --> 00:54:05,600
Speaker 1: in a car and show you the basic respect of brand,

1263
00:54:05,680 --> 00:54:07,640
Speaker 1: which is just responding back to you and you know,

1264
00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:11,239
Speaker 1: basic communication and not making you feel like you have

1265
00:54:11,320 --> 00:54:13,600
Speaker 1: to take care of everything she does. So yes, we

1266
00:54:13,640 --> 00:54:15,520
Speaker 1: are adults, but again, she doesn't have a car and

1267
00:54:15,560 --> 00:54:17,440
Speaker 1: she doesn't have a job, so if she is in danger,

1268
00:54:17,560 --> 00:54:19,680
Speaker 1: technically I was the last person that she would have

1269
00:54:19,680 --> 00:54:21,360
Speaker 1: been with. I found out that she wanted us to

1270
00:54:21,440 --> 00:54:23,719
Speaker 1: leave her at a random coffee shop because she wanted

1271
00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:26,360
Speaker 1: to hook up with a guy afterwards. That really irritated

1272
00:54:26,400 --> 00:54:28,200
Speaker 1: me because I felt like she wasn't watching out for

1273
00:54:28,200 --> 00:54:31,160
Speaker 1: her own safety or anything like that. Recently, like I mentioned,

1274
00:54:31,200 --> 00:54:33,759
Speaker 1: got into a relationship about two weeks ago. The other

1275
00:54:33,800 --> 00:54:37,040
Speaker 1: person doesn't know anything about her previous men in her life.

1276
00:54:37,080 --> 00:54:38,960
Speaker 1: This guy seems like a really great guy and I

1277
00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:41,120
Speaker 1: have no problems with him. He is a little shy,

1278
00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:43,080
Speaker 1: so I haven't got to know him too well. The

1279
00:54:43,080 --> 00:54:46,160
Speaker 1: thing is now she is just not answering my messages

1280
00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:48,480
Speaker 1: when it's about our art show this Friday. I just

1281
00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:50,960
Speaker 1: had to know she submitted anything or not, because she

1282
00:54:51,080 --> 00:54:53,160
Speaker 1: and I are actually trying to save up to move

1283
00:54:53,200 --> 00:54:56,440
Speaker 1: to another state for at least three months and our art.

1284
00:54:56,360 --> 00:54:57,680
Speaker 3: So don't move with her.

1285
00:54:57,880 --> 00:55:01,440
Speaker 1: This current relationship she's not showing up to and it

1286
00:55:01,440 --> 00:55:03,400
Speaker 1: seems like any way you're wanting her to. And now

1287
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:06,400
Speaker 1: you're trying to expand on the relationships live with her

1288
00:55:06,480 --> 00:55:08,520
Speaker 1: for and also three months in another state.

1289
00:55:09,080 --> 00:55:11,960
Speaker 3: How is she saving up? She doesn't have a job.

1290
00:55:12,239 --> 00:55:14,239
Speaker 1: Well, all the art is selling. However, I just feel

1291
00:55:14,239 --> 00:55:16,239
Speaker 1: like I'm putting more effort into this than she is.

1292
00:55:16,280 --> 00:55:17,840
Speaker 1: But I'm always trying to give her the benefit of

1293
00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:18,200
Speaker 1: the doop.

1294
00:55:18,840 --> 00:55:20,480
Speaker 3: Stop giving her the meta of doubt.

1295
00:55:20,360 --> 00:55:23,280
Speaker 1: Because as I mentioned, I do really enjoy her company.

1296
00:55:23,400 --> 00:55:26,239
Speaker 1: Just because you enjoy someone's company doesn't mean that you

1297
00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:29,920
Speaker 1: can't voice your frustration and that your feelings aren't valid,

1298
00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:32,000
Speaker 1: and that if your needs aren't being met in a

1299
00:55:32,080 --> 00:55:35,440
Speaker 1: friendship that you have no right to voice them. You

1300
00:55:35,480 --> 00:55:36,640
Speaker 1: have every right to voice them.

1301
00:55:36,600 --> 00:55:38,319
Speaker 3: And you'd probably enjoy her company a lot more if

1302
00:55:38,320 --> 00:55:38,840
Speaker 3: you didn't.

1303
00:55:38,600 --> 00:55:40,800
Speaker 1: Have to pay for Another thing is whenever she needs something,

1304
00:55:40,840 --> 00:55:43,239
Speaker 1: it's like she expects a quick reply from me. I'm

1305
00:55:43,239 --> 00:55:45,279
Speaker 1: not gonna lie. I do feel lonely at times, and

1306
00:55:45,320 --> 00:55:47,319
Speaker 1: her messaging me back has nothing to do with how

1307
00:55:47,360 --> 00:55:49,240
Speaker 1: I feel about that, but it does kind of break

1308
00:55:49,280 --> 00:55:50,879
Speaker 1: me a little because it makes me feel like I'm

1309
00:55:50,920 --> 00:55:53,359
Speaker 1: not really worthy of having anything good in my life

1310
00:55:53,360 --> 00:55:55,919
Speaker 1: at times like friendship or love. I'm never the girl

1311
00:55:55,960 --> 00:55:57,920
Speaker 1: that a guy will look at just because she's pretty.

1312
00:55:57,960 --> 00:56:00,799
Speaker 1: It's usually always the other way around. Not to hate,

1313
00:56:00,840 --> 00:56:02,520
Speaker 1: I promise That's not what I'm trying to do. But

1314
00:56:02,600 --> 00:56:05,480
Speaker 1: at our vendor events, my friends is always getting hit on,

1315
00:56:05,560 --> 00:56:08,120
Speaker 1: and like I mentioned before, I never really had many friends,

1316
00:56:08,120 --> 00:56:09,680
Speaker 1: so I tend to get my hopes up with people,

1317
00:56:09,719 --> 00:56:11,960
Speaker 1: and I try to always see the good people. I

1318
00:56:12,040 --> 00:56:14,239
Speaker 1: just truly hope I'm not being used just for car

1319
00:56:14,360 --> 00:56:16,279
Speaker 1: rides or to pay for the vendor fee at our

1320
00:56:16,400 --> 00:56:19,400
Speaker 1: vendor events. So am I the ahole for expecting my

1321
00:56:19,440 --> 00:56:21,760
Speaker 1: friend to message me back when it's about something important

1322
00:56:21,800 --> 00:56:24,040
Speaker 1: such as our vendor events. Does it seem that I'm

1323
00:56:24,040 --> 00:56:28,640
Speaker 1: projecting my lonely feelings onto someone else? Yes, But in

1324
00:56:28,680 --> 00:56:32,200
Speaker 1: the case that you're not voicing your needs and voicing

1325
00:56:32,239 --> 00:56:35,680
Speaker 1: your frustration, that's how you're projecting it, not by actually

1326
00:56:35,800 --> 00:56:39,040
Speaker 1: voicing your need and frustration. Lately, she's only been messaging

1327
00:56:39,080 --> 00:56:41,760
Speaker 1: me the day of and sometimes last minute, after ignoring

1328
00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:43,879
Speaker 1: me that whole entire week. This is not the first

1329
00:56:43,880 --> 00:56:46,600
Speaker 1: time that it's happened. It happened with our two previous

1330
00:56:46,640 --> 00:56:49,640
Speaker 1: vendor events. In maximum, I will only message for twice,

1331
00:56:49,800 --> 00:56:53,000
Speaker 1: once through personal phone and maybe the other on Instagram.

1332
00:56:53,120 --> 00:56:56,160
Speaker 1: And not only are we available on Instagram, but we're

1333
00:56:56,200 --> 00:56:58,600
Speaker 1: available on full episodes with stories just like this. Just

1334
00:56:58,719 --> 00:57:01,399
Speaker 1: go to Spotify, Apple Podcast or your favorite podcast app.

1335
00:57:01,400 --> 00:57:04,240
Speaker 1: And so it's okay, so do it. So there's another

1336
00:57:04,280 --> 00:57:07,080
Speaker 1: relevant update, but let's discuss.

1337
00:57:06,880 --> 00:57:09,879
Speaker 3: I think it's just knowing that they're with again, there's

1338
00:57:09,920 --> 00:57:11,400
Speaker 3: gonna be a lot of other people out there who

1339
00:57:11,480 --> 00:57:13,279
Speaker 3: are going to be so much better than this girl.

1340
00:57:13,440 --> 00:57:15,520
Speaker 3: I do think that she is trying to take advantage

1341
00:57:15,560 --> 00:57:18,840
Speaker 3: of yond whether that's conscious or not, she she is.

1342
00:57:19,040 --> 00:57:21,080
Speaker 1: I think that's fair, whether it's conscious or not.

1343
00:57:21,240 --> 00:57:25,439
Speaker 3: She is because you're because you're spending money on her.

1344
00:57:25,400 --> 00:57:27,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're putting a lot, or just you're you're putting

1345
00:57:27,440 --> 00:57:29,600
Speaker 1: so much energy and time into this relationship and it's

1346
00:57:29,640 --> 00:57:33,200
Speaker 1: not being recated exactly. I think a simple conversation could

1347
00:57:33,240 --> 00:57:36,600
Speaker 1: be like, hey, I'm noticing it's taking you know, a

1348
00:57:36,640 --> 00:57:40,080
Speaker 1: whole week to respond to and also that you know,

1349
00:57:40,160 --> 00:57:42,800
Speaker 1: I'm paying for things and I'm like taking care of

1350
00:57:42,840 --> 00:57:47,280
Speaker 1: you for different things. I'm feeling pretty like kind of

1351
00:57:47,320 --> 00:57:49,600
Speaker 1: you don't have to say taken advantage of It's little blaming,

1352
00:57:49,640 --> 00:57:52,520
Speaker 1: but you could feel like I'm feeling like frustrated and upset,

1353
00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:55,360
Speaker 1: and I'm wanting to have like a reciprocal relationship with

1354
00:57:55,560 --> 00:57:59,120
Speaker 1: you with what's going on here, Like bring some curiosity.

1355
00:57:59,640 --> 00:58:01,600
Speaker 1: I think like voicing a lot like that, it would

1356
00:58:01,600 --> 00:58:03,680
Speaker 1: be great. I don't like being very pushy because I

1357
00:58:03,680 --> 00:58:05,840
Speaker 1: do believe that she's also a grown adult and needs

1358
00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:07,600
Speaker 1: to take care of her business and not just have

1359
00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:09,920
Speaker 1: someone else remind her or take care of it for her.

1360
00:58:09,960 --> 00:58:11,960
Speaker 1: In regards to the friendship, what should I do? I

1361
00:58:12,120 --> 00:58:14,120
Speaker 1: like her a lot, but feels she's not as responsible

1362
00:58:14,160 --> 00:58:16,200
Speaker 1: as she should be. You should have a conversation, like

1363
00:58:16,240 --> 00:58:17,320
Speaker 1: I just said, yeah.

1364
00:58:17,280 --> 00:58:20,200
Speaker 3: Brady answered to question, but I wish you all the

1365
00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:21,760
Speaker 3: best and I hope that conversation goes well.

1366
00:58:21,760 --> 00:58:24,160
Speaker 1: Look, and also, it seems like you have a lot

1367
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:27,800
Speaker 1: of belonging wounds and that I could relate. And I

1368
00:58:27,840 --> 00:58:30,840
Speaker 1: think when those wounds show up, it's like when there

1369
00:58:30,960 --> 00:58:34,320
Speaker 1: is a connection, there's like this grasping Oh in my past,

1370
00:58:34,360 --> 00:58:37,200
Speaker 1: when I didn't have, you know, relationships that felt good.

1371
00:58:37,400 --> 00:58:41,280
Speaker 1: There's like our biology craves human connections, so much so

1372
00:58:41,320 --> 00:58:45,320
Speaker 1: that it's willing to suppress our own expression or suppress

1373
00:58:45,360 --> 00:58:48,000
Speaker 1: our own emotions when we have that and to kind

1374
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:50,120
Speaker 1: of like take way less than we deserve, and it

1375
00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:53,479
Speaker 1: seems like that's happening here. So again, Sophia pointed out

1376
00:58:53,520 --> 00:58:55,920
Speaker 1: greatly that there are other people out there, and that

1377
00:58:56,160 --> 00:58:59,840
Speaker 1: there are people that could provide a safe connection that

1378
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:02,240
Speaker 1: feels good, that feels nourishing, that can feel reciprocate.

1379
00:59:02,720 --> 00:59:04,480
Speaker 3: But that is the end of that story and the

1380
00:59:04,560 --> 00:59:07,160
Speaker 3: end of the episode. So if you love us, make

1381
00:59:07,160 --> 00:59:07,960
Speaker 3: sure to subscribe.

1382
00:59:07,960 --> 00:59:10,440
Speaker 1: We love you and see you tomorrow.