Speaker 1: Hi.
Speaker 2: I'm Laura Vanderkamp. I'm a mother of five, an author, journalist,
Speaker 2: and speaker.
Speaker 3: And I'm Sarah Hart Hunger, a mother of three, practicing physician,
Speaker 3: writer and course creator. We are two working parents who
Speaker 3: love our careers and our families.
Speaker 2: Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about
Speaker 2: how real women manage work, family, and time for fun,
Speaker 2: from figuring out childcare to mapping out long.
Speaker 1: Term career goals.
Speaker 2: We want you to get the most out of life.
Speaker 1: Welcome to best of both worlds. This is Laura.
Speaker 2: This episode is airing in late October of twenty twenty five.
Speaker 2: We are going to be talking about creating great weekends.
Speaker 2: We feel that weekends are an important part of life.
Speaker 2: They can also be a complicated part of life if
Speaker 2: you have little kids, and so we want to start
Speaker 2: this episode with a bit of a caveat here, which
Speaker 2: is that, to be totally transparent, I am so much
Speaker 2: happier with my weekends now than when my kids were
Speaker 2: very little, because it is actually possible to relax when
Speaker 2: no one has to be watched every minute. When I
Speaker 2: have older kids who can do quick babysitting so I
Speaker 2: don't have to like load three kids in the car
Speaker 2: to go anywhere. When they are capable of entertaining themselves
Speaker 2: for big chunks of time, there's just so much more
Speaker 2: opportunity to relax and not have to think through absolutely
Speaker 2: every single minute and who is on top of the
Speaker 2: two year old and all that good stuff. So I
Speaker 2: almost feel like weekends need to be two separate topics
Speaker 2: depending on whether you have little kids versus older kids.
Speaker 2: I mean, if you are in the little kid stage, though,
Speaker 2: I want to start by saying, it probably will get
Speaker 2: better in a few years and pretty soon you don't
Speaker 2: have five kids over twelve years, right, right, Sarah.
Speaker 3: I just did the math for myself. I'm like, okay,
Speaker 3: so I had eleven years of that since my kids
Speaker 3: are a six year spread.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I had.
Speaker 2: A seventeen years of having a kid under age five.
Speaker 2: But yes, we're out of it now.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I guess, I mean, we're going to get
Speaker 3: to this later. But the only real way to recreate
Speaker 3: the feeling of having not having a little kid that
Speaker 3: you are following around keeping safe is to have somebody
Speaker 3: else help you with that in an air tight and
Speaker 3: very fully reliable way, so you're not like half there
Speaker 3: and we'll talk about strategies for that later. But I
Speaker 3: do feel like that's the only thing that can really
Speaker 3: allow for the same kind of relaxed feeling. And even
Speaker 3: even that is even still stressful because you're like, but
Speaker 3: what if they get a cold and then it doesn't
Speaker 3: actually happen, And I've been looking forward to my little
Speaker 3: rest but all week and then I have to cancel it.
Speaker 3: So I get it, like there's almost no way around it.
Speaker 3: But I do agree with Laura that things do get better,
Speaker 3: and I do agree with you that like when the
Speaker 3: youngest one is around, it helps, although both of us,
Speaker 3: I think are influenced by our current situations, which also
Speaker 3: involves having maybe some older helpers around, so you know,
Speaker 3: have more kids, you have.
Speaker 1: To get through them.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean, there was definitely a point where
Speaker 2: your weekends got more relaxing one hundred percent.
Speaker 3: Like I feel like I even did wake up one
Speaker 3: day and be like, huh, I used to be so
Speaker 3: excited sometimes on Monday morning when the help would arrive
Speaker 3: to rescue me, because the weeks truly felt easier because
Speaker 3: I had this extra person around who could really absorb
Speaker 3: a lot of the parenting responsibilities. That felt so twenty
Speaker 3: four to seven versus the weekend, when even if my
Speaker 3: husband was helping, I felt like I was very much
Speaker 3: in it. And then one day it was like, oh, actually,
Speaker 3: the weekends are something that I am finding to be
Speaker 3: the more relaxing piece. Although Laura, I was thinking about
Speaker 3: this and I'm like, one other sort of angle to
Speaker 3: that is, I think the weeks have gotten harder. So
Speaker 3: I mean harder in some ways and easier in some ways. Yes,
Speaker 3: it's true out like rocking and screaming maybe to sleep
Speaker 3: and worrying about pumping during the day, but like our
Speaker 3: nights are later, we're doing sports picks ups at nine o'clock,
Speaker 3: and so the weeks in some ways feel more hectic,
Speaker 3: and then the weekends are like ah yeah.
Speaker 2: But with that, we would like to note that there's
Speaker 2: a lot of literature out there that talks about the
Speaker 2: idea that they start with is that the work week
Speaker 2: is stressful and the work the weekend is relaxing. And
Speaker 2: I feel like all of that needs to have an
Speaker 2: asterisk by it being like if you don't have small kids,
Speaker 2: or given that some of this seems to be written
Speaker 2: for men who probably do have small kids. The assumption
Speaker 2: is that somebody else is fully responsible for them, so
Speaker 2: that you can relax on the weekend, even if you
Speaker 2: are helping, to put in quotes, your spouse is the
Speaker 2: one who is making sure that the two year old
Speaker 2: is constantly being supervised. You just walk away, Like you
Speaker 2: want to brush your teeth after dinner, you just go
Speaker 2: do it. You want to go deal with something in
Speaker 2: the yard, you just go do it, which which is.
Speaker 1: Not really fair.
Speaker 3: And so yeah, absolutely, I'm not going to like name
Speaker 3: the specific planner, but there was some planner that talked
Speaker 3: about like weekend rejuvenation rituals, and I had it when
Speaker 3: my kids were little, and I used to be like, uh, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: this was not designed for me.
Speaker 2: So yeah, well, and so if you believe that your
Speaker 2: spouse is the one who's going to keep your toddler
Speaker 2: from sticking a fork in the eye, then yeah, of
Speaker 2: course you can relax.
Speaker 1: You can.
Speaker 2: You know, it feels like I think you and I
Speaker 2: have felt when we had our nannies.
Speaker 1: There.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so keep in mind that many men seem to
Speaker 2: have that all the time, and we can have a
Speaker 2: whole separate discussion about that. But anyway, we will just
Speaker 2: say that as the beginning of our weekend discussion.
Speaker 3: Moving on and save that for another fun soapbox episode.
Speaker 1: So, yes, the soapbox we get on occasionally.
Speaker 2: Anyway we want to talk about I think it was
Speaker 2: a five part formula for a great weekend in this episode.
Speaker 2: The first one, of course, you will not be surprised
Speaker 2: to hear that both Sarah and I believe in planning
Speaker 2: your weekends.
Speaker 1: And I think sometimes people think.
Speaker 2: Planning gets a bad reputation because they think you are
Speaker 2: planning things that you don't want to do. But here's
Speaker 2: the thing, you are going to do the things that
Speaker 2: you have to do. My guess is that if you
Speaker 2: are a responsible parent, you're going to make sure your
Speaker 2: eight year old gets to a soccer tournament. You are
Speaker 2: going to make sure that the laundry gets done. You
Speaker 2: are going to make sure that you know if somebody
Speaker 2: was supposed to practice the piano twice, they do it.
Speaker 2: Planning the weekends is not about making sure those things happen.
Speaker 2: It's about making sure you still have time for things
Speaker 2: that you want to do, and that there are things
Speaker 2: in the weekend that you are genuinely looking forward to
Speaker 2: that you have thought through your downtime to make it
Speaker 2: more enjoyable for you. So my strategy for that is
Speaker 2: to double plan my weekends. And this is a function
Speaker 2: of when I do my weekly planning, I tend to
Speaker 2: do it on Thursday or Friday looking forward to the
Speaker 2: next Monday to Sunday week And so as I am
Speaker 2: planning on Thursday or Friday, I am lightly planning the
Speaker 2: weekend that is eight to nine days in the future.
Speaker 2: But because I am then planning on Thursday and Friday,
Speaker 2: I can also look at the weekend that is immediately
Speaker 2: coming up and tighten the plan based on has the
Speaker 2: weather changed, has something else come up? Is there open
Speaker 2: space we'd like to do something in. Does it look
Speaker 2: like this kid isn't doing anything this weekend, Maybe I
Speaker 2: should see if they could meet up with a friend.
Speaker 2: But it allows you to plan a little bit more
Speaker 2: tightly having planned lightly for the weekend.
Speaker 1: Eight to nine days in the future.
Speaker 3: So this is where I am going to confess this
Speaker 3: is an episode that I need as much as one
Speaker 3: that I am participating in now, because I haven't done
Speaker 3: a great job with this in the past, because there
Speaker 3: was a time I was very very on it. I think,
Speaker 3: especially when my kids were little, and I had the
Speaker 3: necessity of like very intentionally protecting part of my time
Speaker 3: in order to fit things in. But I will say
Speaker 3: in recent years, I have gotten more lax with this,
Speaker 3: and I'm in a little bit of a transitional phase.
Speaker 3: In that last year, so many of our weekends were
Speaker 3: anchored by sports events for Cameron because he was just
Speaker 3: on a soccer team that played constantly, and now we
Speaker 3: don't have that, so because he's taking a year off
Speaker 3: or maybe forever off, but definitely this year off from
Speaker 3: doing that. And so I just feel like I'm faced
Speaker 3: with a lot of new weekend planning challenges. And the
Speaker 3: school year is still fairly young as we're recording this,
Speaker 3: and I don't feel like I have my planning groove
Speaker 3: back on to the point where I was actually talking
Speaker 3: about it with the kids in the car that like,
Speaker 3: hey remember our weekends when we used to like do
Speaker 3: more fun stuff. What happened to that? So this is
Speaker 3: a work in progress. But I will say my planning
Speaker 3: ritual is generally to do my planning on Sunday. That
Speaker 3: is my like I sit there, I do what I
Speaker 3: call the week on the board, you know, I fill
Speaker 3: in the whole board for next week, figure out where
Speaker 3: the activities are, and I do include the following weekend.
Speaker 3: So I am starting to think through like do we
Speaker 3: have a birthday party? Do we have something fun? But
Speaker 3: I haven't done a lot of what you were just
Speaker 3: talking about, and I absolutely miss it. Whether that is
Speaker 3: my own stuff, and sometimes that's already in there, which
Speaker 3: is great, and I put it on the board and
Speaker 3: I get to think about it and it's fun or
Speaker 3: stuff that involves me and the kids, but it's still
Speaker 3: fun for maybe everyone, like visiting some local farm or
Speaker 3: something like that that, like I know, will be have
Speaker 3: some elements of pleasantness, even if, of course every moment
Speaker 3: isn't going to be bliss. So yeah, my method is
Speaker 3: to do it on Sunday, and that gives me enough.
Speaker 3: You know, I have about six days in advance to
Speaker 3: plan up to the next weekend. Although I love your
Speaker 3: double planning method, I just don't tend to do a
Speaker 3: lot of my home type of planning during the week
Speaker 3: these days, just because of the way my work calendar flows.
Speaker 3: And so I think I could do what you're doing,
Speaker 3: I just need to do more of it. When I
Speaker 3: do that Sunday planning.
Speaker 2: Well, when do you tighten up the weekend r I
Speaker 2: mean because I assume that like stuff comes up in
Speaker 2: the course of the week that will need to then
Speaker 2: happen on the weekend.
Speaker 3: Every once in a while it does. It's more like
Speaker 3: stuff will just get slotted into where there's already blank space,
Speaker 3: and you know, I'll write it on the board and
Speaker 3: talk about it with the kids. But that's much more
Speaker 3: like what falls into my lap, like oh, a kid
Speaker 3: gets invited to this more impromptu thing, and much less
Speaker 3: of like let's all do this thing. And again, I
Speaker 3: think that's what we're missing, but I don't know that
Speaker 3: that has happened later. I think we could even have
Speaker 3: things tentatively done by the Sunday. We can always move them,
Speaker 3: but having some ideas in place would be good. I
Speaker 3: do tend to plan my like pilates, so like anything
Speaker 3: that needs to be reserved in advance that would be
Speaker 3: like fun for me or that I enjoy. I'm still
Speaker 3: doing that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well you know this, we're pivoting.
Speaker 2: And they said, this discussion of the things you plan
Speaker 2: in which you know, I like to talk about anchor
Speaker 2: events for your weekend or one big adventure and one
Speaker 2: little adventure.
Speaker 1: But all of this is something to adjust.
Speaker 2: As your kids get older, because they're not going to
Speaker 2: want to do all of these things with you, right,
Speaker 2: But you could start to revisit this, like, oh wait,
Speaker 2: I can choose things for myself, right, And especially if
Speaker 2: you have older kids who probably will be around and
Speaker 2: taking care of your younger kids isn't a huge ask.
Speaker 2: And especially you know, if your youngest kid is maybe
Speaker 2: eight or nine, and you have a thirteen year old,
Speaker 2: a fifteen year old whatever, they're not having to do
Speaker 2: hands on babysitting for that person. You can start putting
Speaker 2: in your own stuff even if other people don't want
Speaker 2: to do things. But we'll talk about that in a
Speaker 2: minute when we come back from our first ad break. Well,
Speaker 2: we are back talking all things weekends. We've been talking
Speaker 2: about anchor events, and I think when we have little kids,
Speaker 2: we think about, Okay, we're going to put in a
Speaker 2: trip to the zoo today, we are going to put
Speaker 2: in a trip to the aquarium today. Now there becomes
Speaker 2: a point where the kids absolutely do not want to
Speaker 2: go to the zoo or the aquarium with you. This
Speaker 2: sounds like the worst possible thing in the world. Sometimes
Speaker 2: they would have a good time if they went. We
Speaker 2: have certainly convinced some children to do things like this,
Speaker 2: but you have to sort of keep your expectations in
Speaker 2: check for that. But generally you want to ask yourself
Speaker 2: going into the weekend, what do I want to remember
Speaker 2: from this weekend? Is there something I'm going to do
Speaker 2: this weekend that if people were saying, hey, Sarah, how
Speaker 2: is your weekend, you would say on Monday morning, you know, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: this is what we did this weekend, or this is
Speaker 2: what I did this weekend. So what is that thing
Speaker 2: going to be? And you can plan in a small
Speaker 2: number of those things over the course of the weekend
Speaker 2: that you would be excited about. So, what are some
Speaker 2: recent anchor events or adventures.
Speaker 1: That you have had, Sarah?
Speaker 3: Recent anchor events? Well, last weekend, we actually had a
Speaker 3: fun work event and it was on a Friday night,
Speaker 3: which is not my typical evening of going out, but
Speaker 3: they threw this sizeable party and I was determined to
Speaker 3: do it and I did. I actually went straight from work.
Speaker 3: I brought an outfit with me so I could change
Speaker 3: out of my scrubs, and that is that did turn
Speaker 3: out to be like a really memorable part of the weekend.
Speaker 3: I guess amusing last weekend as an example. My other
Speaker 3: bink anchor was impromptu and I did not plan it.
Speaker 3: But on Sunday morning, I realized that it was Taylor
Speaker 3: Swift's release movie, and why would I not go to that?
Speaker 3: So I just said to the kids, like, who would
Speaker 3: like to come with me? And I got one taker
Speaker 3: and I took her with me and we had a
Speaker 3: great time. So that was an example of one where
Speaker 3: I didn't do a ton of planning ahead. I mean,
Speaker 3: obviously I had that invitation for a while sitting there,
Speaker 3: but I was able to carve out some fun things.
Speaker 3: So I guess that's my best example of a recent weekend.
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe that the work event was your like big
Speaker 2: Adventure in the Taylor Swift movie is like your Little
Speaker 2: Adventure or something like that, if we're going.
Speaker 1: To look at that rubric.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would say that the work event was at
Speaker 3: a totally new venue and it was not something we
Speaker 3: do all the time, So I think I get Big
Speaker 3: Adventure for that one. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, I was thinking back to some previous weekends I did.
Speaker 2: Oh a couple WEEKDS ago, I went to a Phillies
Speaker 2: game on Friday. It was actually some friends had rented
Speaker 2: out a suite for a birthday party, so that was
Speaker 2: a lot of fun. And then biked Valley Forage with
Speaker 2: some of my kids on one of the days. Another
Speaker 2: recent weekend, I went to Longwood Gardens, you know, on
Speaker 2: a solo trip. Actually again because you could do your
Speaker 2: own solo adventures. You don't have to get people to
Speaker 2: come with you, if you don't have to not do
Speaker 2: things even if nobody else wants to do anything. And
Speaker 2: went out to dinner with a friend. Another weekend, I
Speaker 2: went apple picking with Ruth. That required some bribery to
Speaker 2: get her to do with me, but we had a
Speaker 2: good time. And then I went to Chanticlare, which is
Speaker 2: another botanical garden. This past weekend I sang in a concert,
Speaker 2: so that was kind of a big adventure. We did
Speaker 2: family brunch with all seven of us because Jasper was
Speaker 2: home visiting for the weekend. So lots of little things
Speaker 2: that are fun to do. But you know, those are
Speaker 2: examples of things you would say you remembered from the weekend,
Speaker 2: right Like I could look back and say, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: that's what I did that weekend, And if you were
Speaker 2: going to have this conversation on Monday totally.
Speaker 3: And I like your thought about the time slots, and
Speaker 3: I think there was a time. So the timeslots that
Speaker 3: you've had done on the weekend or like Friday night,
Speaker 3: Saturday day, Saturday after an internight, Sunday day, Sunday night,
Speaker 3: you don't have to have something huge planned for all
Speaker 3: of those. In fact, I would argue that for most
Speaker 3: people that would be too much to have like five
Speaker 3: big slotted things. But maybe if you have two of them,
Speaker 3: like one's a big adventure, one's a little adventure, and
Speaker 3: a lot of the rest is purposeful down time and
Speaker 3: maybe a little bit of depending on when you do
Speaker 3: your kind of household rejuvenation stuff, one block of like
Speaker 3: okay at grocery shop, I get ready for the week,
Speaker 3: confine it to a block so it's not taking over
Speaker 3: your entire weekend. But there can be a balance there,
Speaker 3: And I think taking the intimidation out of I have
Speaker 3: to plan every minute or have every single one of
Speaker 3: them have something big and memorable in them will take
Speaker 3: the pressure off of some people who might just find
Speaker 3: this to seem like a lot.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, but it could.
Speaker 2: Be little things and I think I had originally started
Speaker 2: thinking of this because you know, when you have little kids,
Speaker 2: you have the nap, So when you have to do
Speaker 2: something before the nap, right, get out and do your
Speaker 2: adventure for the day, then come on minutes. Then you
Speaker 2: always want to have a little something for after the
Speaker 2: nap because otherwise, when the beltdown happens, it's only four
Speaker 2: o'clock and you've got hours till bedtime. So if you
Speaker 2: can push that forward a little bit and have something
Speaker 2: that's distracting everyone, that that can be great.
Speaker 3: But yeah, that's the worst slot. I agree with you
Speaker 3: with the post map pre dinner. Oh, especially if you
Speaker 3: have a partner that's like working that day and is
Speaker 3: maybe not going to come home for dinner or is
Speaker 3: going to be late, Like oh my gosh, you need something.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, but you know, Friday night, even having an
Speaker 2: intention for Friday night, if if that's like a fun
Speaker 2: dinner with your family, you're going to make or a
Speaker 2: special dessert, something to welcome the weekend in.
Speaker 3: And then I would also be Nightriday.
Speaker 2: Yeah, careful about actually thinking of if there is something
Speaker 2: you would like to do on Sunday evening.
Speaker 1: And now I know that Sunday evening is like a
Speaker 1: work night, right.
Speaker 2: You know, it's a school night, as we say, so
Speaker 2: it won't be late, and it probably won't be elaborate.
Speaker 2: But having something you are looking forward to on Sunday
Speaker 2: evening can actually help with those Sunday scaries that sometimes
Speaker 2: people get because instead of spending all of Sunday afternoon
Speaker 2: thinking about Monday morning, you're spending Sunday afternoon.
Speaker 1: Thinking about whatever fun thing you are doing on Sunday evening.
Speaker 2: So that can be a way to make your weekends
Speaker 2: a little bit more enjoyable too.
Speaker 1: Another idea we.
Speaker 2: Talked about adventures, and these can be your own adventures too,
Speaker 2: But make sure you plan in some me time. So
Speaker 2: what do you want to do for you this weekend,
Speaker 2: and specifically, are there are times you're going to exercise,
Speaker 2: like what sort of exercise do you think you are
Speaker 2: going to do? Is there a hobby you want to
Speaker 2: make space for? And also do you have things that
Speaker 2: you are consciously choosing to do during any downtime? And
Speaker 2: I think it helps to go into your weekend with
Speaker 2: a little bit of intention about this, because otherwise it's
Speaker 2: very easy to just read headlines half heartedly. Check email,
Speaker 2: scroll around on social media, put her around the house
Speaker 2: half heartedly picking things up, but not really because you know,
Speaker 2: you kind of go to another room and then there's
Speaker 2: something that needs to be put away, and then you
Speaker 2: go to another room and there's something that you never
Speaker 2: really relax. So you want something compelling to do during
Speaker 2: your downtime, you know, good idea. Maybe too, if you
Speaker 2: go to the library, do this sort of late in
Speaker 2: the week so you have your new books ready for
Speaker 2: the weekend.
Speaker 1: You're a bookstore if you're doing that.
Speaker 2: Or maybe it's that if you like to do puzzles,
Speaker 2: you're sure you have one going for the weekend, or
Speaker 2: whatever it is. You've laid in a good stack of magazines,
Speaker 2: how about you, Sarah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, reading is a huge one. I feel like if
Speaker 3: I have a fiction book that I'm into, I often
Speaker 3: look forward to just having a block of time or
Speaker 3: I'm going to be in my bed with that book
Speaker 3: and maybe like finish it or read forty percent of
Speaker 3: it or something like that. And that usually happens while
Speaker 3: my kids are playing video games, let's be real, that's what,
Speaker 3: or doing homework depending on what people have do the
Speaker 3: next day, So that tends to be one of my
Speaker 3: sort of big defaults. Another thing which I'm experimenting with
Speaker 3: that is new is I just got a print subscription
Speaker 3: to the New York Times, so that kind of like
Speaker 3: it's there. And then on Sunday mornings, if you want
Speaker 3: to have a relaxed morning, you bring the print thing
Speaker 3: to the table, you have your coffee, and I mean
Speaker 3: for me, I mostly like read book reviews, but that's fun.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well then you know what books you're gonna read.
Speaker 2: And again, this is something that would just not work
Speaker 2: if you have an eighteen month old, right, like, yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, you're trying to sit there and read your
Speaker 2: coffee and they're screaming.
Speaker 1: You have to get up and get something for them.
Speaker 2: And then you know, it's just aggravating to the nth
Speaker 2: degree to like want to relax and not be able to.
Speaker 2: And so again we have to have different expectations, like
Speaker 2: when you have little kids, your weekends are gonna be
Speaker 2: planned around what you're gonna.
Speaker 1: Do that's fun for them.
Speaker 2: And then if you want downtime, which your course, you're
Speaker 2: gonna want downtime, you need to actively plan it in
Speaker 2: like you trade off with your partner.
Speaker 1: Okay, you get Sunday morning to do your thing.
Speaker 2: I get Saturday morning to do my thing, or we
Speaker 2: each take three hours on Saturday afternoon and do our
Speaker 2: own thing and then we you know, even I think
Speaker 2: it would be a good idea to map out who
Speaker 2: is on with the little kids when you're all in
Speaker 2: the house, right so that mom, because let's be real,
Speaker 2: it's going to be mom who would be the default
Speaker 2: in most cases, can in fact relax at the house
Speaker 2: because she knows that somebody is actively on with the
Speaker 2: kid and that's got to be mapped out. But you
Speaker 2: don't if they are not little kids anymore.
Speaker 3: And I would put on huge encouragement to if you
Speaker 3: do map something like this out, try to leave. And
Speaker 3: I know you heard me talk about lying in my
Speaker 3: bed and reading books, and that's what you really want
Speaker 3: to do. You're tired, and you're like, but you can't.
Speaker 3: It's very unlike you're gonna hear screams, You're gonna hear fights,
Speaker 3: Like it's gonna be better. See what you can think
Speaker 3: of that would be relaxing and rejuvenating if that's what
Speaker 3: you're looking for that is not in your home. One
Speaker 3: thing to think about would be an exercise class that
Speaker 3: does not feel like hard work or torture like a
Speaker 3: yin yoga class, for example, it's like, you know what,
Speaker 3: you're gonna get to be quiet and lay on pillows
Speaker 3: and you'll be left alone, or going to Starbucks for
Speaker 3: an hour and getting your favorite drink and reading a
Speaker 3: book or something like that, because if you have had
Speaker 3: this discussion of a swap, you want to make the
Speaker 3: most of those hours and it's just going to probably
Speaker 3: be difficult if you're staying in your own home. If
Speaker 3: they're home now, if they.
Speaker 2: Left, great, Yeah, then you get to do what you
Speaker 2: want at home, which is even better, Sarah. You like
Speaker 2: to do some baking projects sometimes, right, Like this is
Speaker 2: a thing that happens on weekends.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is a fit really common thing on and
Speaker 3: this you know when your kids are like not eighteen months,
Speaker 3: but maybe like four or five and older, you know,
Speaker 3: in that age group where you know, this could potentially
Speaker 3: be something that you do as a something to do
Speaker 3: after nap time kind of a thing that also is
Speaker 3: somewhat productive because hey, you'll have those pumpkin muffins for
Speaker 3: the morning or whatever you decide to put together. But
Speaker 3: I like it even more when I can do it
Speaker 3: by myself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's relaxing. Cooking by yourself can be relaxing.
Speaker 2: Cooking with people underfoot not so much.
Speaker 1: With this.
Speaker 2: One idea is that you could choose things that are
Speaker 2: that could be chores, like cooking or baking, but you
Speaker 2: can do them for fun. However, most of us do
Speaker 2: have some sort of chores we have to do on
Speaker 2: the weekend, So with that, you might want to set
Speaker 2: a small window for doing those things so they are
Speaker 2: not always possibilities. Right, So we're a big fan of
Speaker 2: like outsourcing housekeeping, getting groceries delivered or anything like that.
Speaker 2: But if you are doing those things, maybe you say, okay,
Speaker 2: we clean house from ten thirty to noon on Saturday morning.
Speaker 2: Everyone participates outside of that, we are not cleaning the house,
Speaker 2: and you will probably get the things that most had
Speaker 2: to happen done during that time. And then you know,
Speaker 2: if you're finding yourself looking at a dirty floor on
Speaker 2: Friday night, you're not spending all of Friday night cleaning
Speaker 2: out because you know there's a time for that Saturday
Speaker 2: morning and most of the things will get done.
Speaker 3: Then, Yeah, compartmentalizing sounds awesome. I definitely think if you're
Speaker 3: looking for kid participation in any chores and your kids
Speaker 3: are older again, then that eighteen month window, having a
Speaker 3: deal that they have to pick up XYZ before they
Speaker 3: turn on their game of choice can be incredibly effective.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and with that, we often have these projects we
Speaker 2: want to get done on the weekend. We're like, oh, well,
Speaker 2: this is the time I'm going to clean out the garage,
Speaker 2: this is the time that I'm going to organize everyone's
Speaker 2: winter clothes or whatever it is. And that's fine because again,
Speaker 2: you probably are going to do it on the weekend
Speaker 2: and not during the week. However, you want to make
Speaker 2: sure that you only bite off the amount you can
Speaker 2: chew on a weekend and the amount that's not going
Speaker 2: to make you feel stressed and like you are a
Speaker 2: failure when you don't finish it. So I would suggest
Speaker 2: making yourself a very short weekend to do list, like
Speaker 2: the things that absolutely have to happen, and you can
Speaker 2: do one thing beyond maybe two if it's a low
Speaker 2: key weekend, but one or two things beyond basic life maintenance.
Speaker 2: So yeah, you know you're gonna do the laundry and
Speaker 2: grocery shopping. But if there is one or two other
Speaker 2: small things you are going to do. Set that as
Speaker 2: a goal for yourself, and then only do that, and
Speaker 2: then you'll accomplish it and you'll feel good. So a
Speaker 2: previous weekend, I decided I was going to clean off
Speaker 2: the shelves in the upstairs movie room. Right, they'd gotten
Speaker 2: really cluttered over the course of the past year with
Speaker 2: nobody putting things away.
Speaker 1: So I went and did that. They look better. That
Speaker 1: was my thing for the weekend. Nothing else.
Speaker 3: I did that with my book decluttering, like you know,
Speaker 3: I'm trying to organize and declutter key areas, and putting
Speaker 3: an entire room on my list for the Sunday would
Speaker 3: have made me do absolutely nothing. But I'm like, oh,
Speaker 3: I'm going to do is go to my bookshelf and
Speaker 3: figure out what books I'm ready to donate.
Speaker 1: And I did it there and they're diaty.
Speaker 3: Go, they're in the garage, they're out of the house,
Speaker 3: so we're good.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And if you have a big project, you're like, we
Speaker 2: have to clean out the garage. Spread it over like
Speaker 2: six weekends, right and look at it. Shine a specifical task. Yes,
Speaker 2: this idea shelf is this weekend, that shelf is next weekend.
Speaker 2: This pile on the floor is the next weekend, and
Speaker 2: you will get through it and you will not feel overwhelmed.
Speaker 2: We're gonna take one more quick ad break and then
Speaker 2: we will be back with more on making good weekends. Well,
Speaker 2: we are back talking all things weekends, how to create enjoyable,
Speaker 2: relaxing weekends, with the caveat, of course, that our youngest
Speaker 2: children are now at the age where they don't have
Speaker 2: to be constantly supervised. So if you have young kids,
Speaker 2: we understand that weekends are not automatically relaxing, and there
Speaker 2: are certain strategies you can do consciously trading off with
Speaker 2: your partner or hiring childcare for a few hours. We'll
Speaker 2: discuss that more in a little bit. But you can
Speaker 2: also have the mindset that I should enjoy my weekends
Speaker 2: and this goes a long way toward making weekends more enjoyable.
Speaker 2: Pursuing pleasure and consciously pursuing pleasure is really a two
Speaker 2: step process. I mean one, you want to solve any
Speaker 2: pain points. Is there anything you can do that you
Speaker 2: find on weekends very painful that you can solve? So?
Speaker 2: Are you driving all day to kids sporting events? According
Speaker 2: to your plan? That you're looking at, Well, do you
Speaker 2: need to do that? Can you spread that around with
Speaker 2: other people? Can you skip one of them?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Is there something that could happen or is there something
Speaker 2: fun you can do there? Like is there a cool
Speaker 2: bookstore that's nearby the soccer place that you could spend
Speaker 2: your time there or go for a run while you're
Speaker 2: there instead of just feeling like you've lost your entire
Speaker 2: weekend to this.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I definitely think this is where trade offs come
Speaker 3: in as well. If you know that there are a
Speaker 3: couple of kid birthday parties and two parents, then you
Speaker 3: are not maybe two of them is going to make
Speaker 3: the weekend feel like too much, but one of them
Speaker 3: would be okay. Then embrace the socialista, so the one
Speaker 3: you choose to go to, and then figure out how
Speaker 3: you can swap off for the other one.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean, maybe there's one that, like you would be
Speaker 2: particularly more excited about doing than you know your spouse
Speaker 2: doesn't hate chuck E cheese.
Speaker 1: I don't know, whatever you can work out between the
Speaker 1: two of you.
Speaker 2: And you can also you solve the pain points and
Speaker 2: then also come up with little ways you can up
Speaker 2: the pleasure factor.
Speaker 1: Like, what are you eating on the weekend? Have you
Speaker 1: thought through your meals?
Speaker 2: Like are there good things to eat in your house
Speaker 2: so you're excited about like your Saturday morning breakfast?
Speaker 1: Right, you're not just you know, eating cold cereal again?
Speaker 2: Or something we talked about having good things to read,
Speaker 2: Like if it's pretty outside, are you going to get
Speaker 2: outside at some point? Are you listening to fun music
Speaker 2: while you're in the car, Like do you have something
Speaker 2: good to listen to? You know what you want to
Speaker 2: listen to? Like, think about ways you can push a
Speaker 2: little bit more pleasure into the crevices of your weekend.
Speaker 3: Yeah, even a favorite show that you're going to watch,
Speaker 3: or I don't know, if you have to take a
Speaker 3: kid to Target to get thing? Can you spend ten
Speaker 3: minutes in this section of your choice, like maybe looking
Speaker 3: at all the stationary and planners for next year? You
Speaker 3: know things like.
Speaker 1: That could be done. Sounds fun? Yeah?
Speaker 2: No, I mean when you do all these things, you
Speaker 2: know you plan ahead when you consider the anchor advents
Speaker 2: or adventures you want to be talking about that you
Speaker 2: remember on Monday morning when you going through my list here,
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. When you plan in me time, you
Speaker 2: think through your downtime, you compress your chores and errands,
Speaker 2: and then you consciously pursue pleasure. You can have really
Speaker 2: awesome weekends, and we want that for everyone listening to this.
Speaker 2: So today's question is related to this, though, which is
Speaker 2: that somebody wrote in that I work full time, and
Speaker 2: not coincidentally, we also have full time childcare. Is it
Speaker 2: okay to hire a babysitter for a few hours on
Speaker 2: the weekend. I know it might be okay for the
Speaker 2: occasional date night, but what about like regularly during the day.
Speaker 1: I feel guilty about this, Sarah, what do you think?
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, Well, I love your answer, but I
Speaker 3: will just tell you that I used to do this
Speaker 3: I don't need to do it anymore again, because I'm
Speaker 3: at a different stage. But there was a time in
Speaker 3: my life when I fairly regularly would get someone from
Speaker 3: like I don't know, ten to two or something like
Speaker 3: that on a Saturday, especially if Josh was on call,
Speaker 3: so I knew there was like really no switching off
Speaker 3: to be had, And oh my gosh, the difference that
Speaker 3: those few hours made in my happiness was immense. The
Speaker 3: difference that those hours made in my children's life was
Speaker 3: zero or maybe even positive because they got a break
Speaker 3: from me, they had fun with their babysitter, they got
Speaker 3: to do something else, and the idea looking back on
Speaker 3: having like really any in trepidation about that. It seems
Speaker 3: so crazy because also, like doing the math, Laura's teaches
Speaker 3: us how many hours we have, and four hours out
Speaker 3: of your whole weekend is not even that significant, but
Speaker 3: it's gonna feel significant if it's a difference between you
Speaker 3: having no time for yourself and you having time too.
Speaker 3: I used to go to it's not even open anymore,
Speaker 3: but I used to go to a fly bar at
Speaker 3: bar class. I felt all fancy. That was an example
Speaker 3: of a fitness class that wasn't torture. So it was like,
Speaker 3: I'm getting out of the house, I'm doing something for myself,
Speaker 3: and it's also not even that hard, so it's just fun.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, obviously, if you're not seeing your kid at.
Speaker 1: All during the week, I don't know.
Speaker 2: If you're one of those people who is in fact
Speaker 2: gone constantly and all that, then maybe you probably should
Speaker 2: focus your weekends on spend family time. But I'm guessing
Speaker 2: very few people listening to this fall into that category,
Speaker 2: and hiring a few hours sitter for a few hours
Speaker 2: on a weekend can be life changing. I mean, obviously,
Speaker 2: trading off with your spouse is a very straightforward thing
Speaker 2: to do and cost nothing, and so most people can
Speaker 2: avail themselves of that immediately in order to.
Speaker 1: Get more meat time.
Speaker 2: Now, if that doesn't work for whatever reason, or if
Speaker 2: you too want to spend some time together which is
Speaker 2: also allowed, which is also allowed, then this is where
Speaker 2: bringing in somebody else can be helpful. And I would
Speaker 2: point out that many people who live near grandparents, and
Speaker 2: if the grandparents want to be helpful like and drop
Speaker 2: the kids off at Grandma's for a few hours and
Speaker 2: get that time together, if you don't have that available, again,
Speaker 2: the paid help is just approximating either your spouse, your
Speaker 2: extended family, or anything like that. If those things are
Speaker 2: not available to you, So yeah, go for it. I mean,
Speaker 2: you might want to think about when would be most strategic.
Speaker 2: I mean, obviously, sometimes sitters like to have enough hours
Speaker 2: to make it worth their while, So maybe you might
Speaker 2: do something like three o'clock to nine o'clock on Saturday,
Speaker 2: right so you would miss the post nap meltdown, they'd
Speaker 2: get fresh blood in there for that.
Speaker 1: You could go.
Speaker 2: Work out, or you guys each could go see a
Speaker 2: friend and then you meet up for dinner or a
Speaker 2: movie afterwards and have your Saturday night date. And that
Speaker 2: would be a great way to feel like you really
Speaker 2: got a weekend and that Saturday was fun as opposed
Speaker 2: to being all the work of caring for children, because again,
Speaker 2: I mean it's fun. Like, we love babies, we have
Speaker 2: a ton of them, but they are a lot of work,
Speaker 2: and especially if you are the person who's primarily caring
Speaker 2: for them, they are a lot of work and you
Speaker 2: wind up with very little time to relax, and people
Speaker 2: need time to relax.
Speaker 1: That's one of the things that make people feel most stressed.
Speaker 3: Totally agree, So we give you a full permission slip signed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, exactly, all right, So love of the week
Speaker 2: mine is I'm going to say kids who are old
Speaker 2: enough to babysit, because it so makes the logistics easier.
Speaker 2: I'm pondering, I mean, we just need a lot more
Speaker 2: help if we didn't have that now. But the fact
Speaker 2: that you can like leave most of my kids by
Speaker 2: themselves for a bit, and two of them who are
Speaker 2: home right now can be left in charge of others.
Speaker 2: It makes everything so much easier to figure out, which
Speaker 2: I appreciate it totally.
Speaker 3: Well, mine is something simple, But I don't want to
Speaker 3: take this for granted. I love reservations like the fact
Speaker 3: that you can make sure to even book online, not
Speaker 3: even have to talk to anyone, and then know that
Speaker 3: you're going to have like a table big enough for
Speaker 3: your family at a restaurant at a time you guys
Speaker 3: want to eat. That is so nice because the alternative
Speaker 3: is so frustrating, and so yeah, I embrace it, good
Speaker 3: old reservation and I guess we'll add to that apps
Speaker 3: like resi or open Table.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 3: I know they're not always the best thing for restaurants
Speaker 3: because sometimes they have to give a portion of whatever,
Speaker 3: But if you haven't made a reservation and it's Saturday
Speaker 3: night and you have five people or more in your
Speaker 3: family so it's like harder to find a table, you
Speaker 3: can look to see who has a table available and
Speaker 3: actually book it on your phone while you're driving around,
Speaker 3: saving yourself the heartache. So I have both of those
Speaker 3: apps on my phone. I use them, and I love it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, technology is great for having a sufficient information to
Speaker 2: make decisions.
Speaker 1: Which is very efficient. Love it all right? Well, this
Speaker 1: has been best of both worlds.
Speaker 2: We've been talking about how to fall in love with
Speaker 2: your weekends again. We will be back next week with
Speaker 2: more on making work and life fit together.
Speaker 3: Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the
Speaker 3: shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram.
Speaker 1: And you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com.
Speaker 3: This has been the best of both worlds podcasts.
Speaker 1: Please join us next time for more.
Speaker 3: I'm making work and life work together.