Speaker 1: Oh hello everybody. Hi, Hi Katherine, Hi, how are you Chelsea? Well,
Speaker 1: I'm we're gonna get started right away today with our
Speaker 1: very special guests because she has a lot to say,
Speaker 1: she has a lot on her mind. This has been
Speaker 1: a very very long time in the making. She has
Speaker 1: had a long time to reflect on our relationship. This
Speaker 1: is a non traditional guest. I'm going to introduce her
Speaker 1: with the intro that she gave me, which is she
Speaker 1: is a wife, a mother of two, and a survivor
Speaker 1: of living with Chelsea Handler. Her name is Colleen Saragosa
Speaker 1: and she was my roommate in Brentwood on Barrington six
Speaker 1: or five South Barrington. Whoa yep, yea for I don't
Speaker 1: know how many years do we live together. We lived
Speaker 1: together for three okay, three years we lived together. I
Speaker 1: was in my early mid twenties. I was twenty three
Speaker 1: to twenty six, so you're a little younger than so
Speaker 1: I must have been. Well, maybe I was like nineteen
Speaker 1: to twenty one. In my book I wrote that you
Speaker 1: were a twenty eight year old virgin? Was that a lie?
Speaker 1: Let's just jump right in. Okay, Hi to Colleen Saragosa.
Speaker 1: Hi college, Oh my god, Colleen and I were texting
Speaker 1: the other day. I said, you know, it would be funny.
Speaker 1: You should come on my podcast and you can tell
Speaker 1: all the horror stories about what it was like to
Speaker 1: live with me. And She's like, I would love nothing more.
Speaker 1: I'm ready, I'm ready. I'm finally ready. I've had twenty
Speaker 1: years to digest what it was like to be attached
Speaker 1: to you for three years and she's just coming out
Speaker 1: of the fog and wait. So but back off to
Speaker 1: the most recent time I ran into you, which was
Speaker 1: like four or five years ago. Four years ago, okay,
Speaker 1: four years ago. I was in Brentwood, at the top
Speaker 1: of Brentwood. You were in Starbucks and I was walking
Speaker 1: my little girl, she was what two at the time
Speaker 1: I was walking and we haven't seen each other. We
Speaker 1: mind you. I'll get into the story because I'm sure
Speaker 1: everyone wants to know the story of Chelsea and how
Speaker 1: I survived living with her, because it wasn't an easy feat.
Speaker 1: I needed tons of therapy after that. But anyway, we
Speaker 1: hadn't seen each other in seventeen years. I harbored a
Speaker 1: lot of bad feelings towards her. I'm also known as
Speaker 1: dumb Dumb dumb dumb in my book My Horizontal Life, Yes,
Speaker 1: my Horizontal Life. I wrote a book and I talked
Speaker 1: about someone I named her dumb dumb and that was
Speaker 1: named after I can laugh about it now, I can.
Speaker 1: I can. I I was upset for so many years
Speaker 1: and I actually asked a mutual friend of ours and
Speaker 1: I went to her in tears and I said, in
Speaker 1: my dumb dumb I need to know, and she said yes,
Speaker 1: and I was just like wow, Wow, I was so mad.
Speaker 1: I was so mad, and it's taken a lot of
Speaker 1: time and and I'm a different person now. And anyway,
Speaker 1: fast forward to a few years ago. I ran into
Speaker 1: her at Starbucks and I walked past her and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: there's Chelsea. Do I stop? Do I stop and say anything?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, no, don't. So I walked past her,
Speaker 1: and then on the way back, I was like, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm gonna I'm gonna stop. And I stopped
Speaker 1: and I said hi, and she stood up and she
Speaker 1: hugged me hm and and she had tears in her eyes. Sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm emotional all the time, all the time. It's very
Speaker 1: welcome here, and it was it was why it was
Speaker 1: so hard to live together because she's always emotional and
Speaker 1: I have no emotion. And she made me cry all
Speaker 1: the time. All the time. I was the butt of
Speaker 1: every joke. Yes, so anyway, I she hugged me and
Speaker 1: she said, can you sit down for a second. I
Speaker 1: said sure, So we sat down and and um, I said,
Speaker 1: am I dumb? Dumb? And she said yes you are?
Speaker 1: Are you pissed? And I was like, I've been pissed
Speaker 1: for a really long time, but you know I'm over it.
Speaker 1: I'm over it now. And um, she said, I was
Speaker 1: a real bitch to you, wasn't I? And I said, yes,
Speaker 1: you were, and she said I'm sorry. And that was
Speaker 1: the first time I was like, wow, I think Chelsea
Speaker 1: has changed. I think Chelsea has gotten a lot of therapy.
Speaker 1: And I really felt that she was sorry for the
Speaker 1: hell that she put me through for those three years
Speaker 1: because it was it was. Man. I want to meet
Speaker 1: Joe Koy. I want to shake his hands, because the
Speaker 1: man I can put up with her bullshit deserves a
Speaker 1: freaking metal. Let me just say, first of all, he's adorable,
Speaker 1: he's funny. The two of you together are on fire,
Speaker 1: and I I am so happy for you. Because you
Speaker 1: have found what is most important in this world, and um,
Speaker 1: and it is. I mean, I'm married, I have a family.
Speaker 1: It's totally changed who I am and made me see
Speaker 1: what's important in life. And um, yeah, we have lots
Speaker 1: of stories to share. When we got together, so we
Speaker 1: waited tables together at a couple of places, at Judy's,
Speaker 1: Daly and on muscowna what establishment that I was fired
Speaker 1: from when we found out he was basically stealing from us.
Speaker 1: Remember we were getting paid, we were getting paid under
Speaker 1: the table. And then on top of that, I called
Speaker 1: and I reported him so that he had to legally
Speaker 1: pay us, but he would pay us and make us
Speaker 1: reimburse him for the payment that he would give us
Speaker 1: because he thought we were making too much money at
Speaker 1: a restaurants. The worst part is is that he ended
Speaker 1: up thinking we were stealing from him, so he put
Speaker 1: cameras up all around the restaurant and he was videotaping us.
Speaker 1: And I just remember Chelsea one day just she was
Speaker 1: so pissed that the cameras were up and she just
Speaker 1: went flipping the birds of the camera and she just left.
Speaker 1: That was it. So we ended up moving because I
Speaker 1: ended up leaving too, and I found a place in
Speaker 1: the Palisades, Pacific Palisades, not a place to live. We
Speaker 1: lived in brent but she found a job in the
Speaker 1: Pacific Palisades. And then you brought me to that judge.
Speaker 1: By the way, I lived in Brentwood for years, is
Speaker 1: in that apartment. My husband had to drag me out
Speaker 1: because I love that apartment so much, the same apartment
Speaker 1: that she and I, Colleen and I lived in when
Speaker 1: I we were in our early twenties. I didn't realize
Speaker 1: you were twenty three through six, so I must have
Speaker 1: been yeah, twenty to twenty three because we were super young,
Speaker 1: young and I was younger than you. Okay, so anyway,
Speaker 1: we we So then we got a job in the Palisades.
Speaker 1: We worked at that together. So when we ran into
Speaker 1: each other four years ago, I was like, what are
Speaker 1: you doing here? And she's like, I still live in
Speaker 1: the apartment that we lived and I go, what if
Speaker 1: I hadn't met my husband, I would be there till
Speaker 1: I die because I loved that apartment so much. I
Speaker 1: mean it is it was like Melrose Place to me.
Speaker 1: I I it was awesome. And she's like, my daughter
Speaker 1: lives in your room. I'm like, shut the fuck up.
Speaker 1: She's like, yes, my daughter lives in her room in
Speaker 1: your room, and my husband and I still live in
Speaker 1: that apartment. I could not wrap my head around that.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I cannot believe you're still there. I know
Speaker 1: it was awesome. I'm glad that you moved out, though,
Speaker 1: because that was you know, that is very you to
Speaker 1: stick with something for years. Well, that's the thing I do.
Speaker 1: I get very comfortable. And I mean I waited tables
Speaker 1: at the same place in the Palisades for fifteen years.
Speaker 1: I mean I loved it. I mean it was a
Speaker 1: great job. I mean I was a struggling actress, but
Speaker 1: I that's what I did for my living. I waited tables.
Speaker 1: But it was more than just that. It was I
Speaker 1: met so many people there that just made my life
Speaker 1: so happy, and it was it was awesome. She, on
Speaker 1: the other hand, is the worst waitress of all time,
Speaker 1: of all time, and I got her the job there,
Speaker 1: and so she started working there. But she would, I
Speaker 1: mean her and I would be the only waitresses there,
Speaker 1: and she would go up to people. This is I'm
Speaker 1: going to tell a story, a true story. Someone ordered
Speaker 1: something they called her over they were they had a
Speaker 1: problem with it, they didn't like and she goes, too
Speaker 1: fucking bad, you ordered it, eat it, and walked away.
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh my god, so I'm the
Speaker 1: one that had to go, and you know, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: And Coleen was like the best waitress of all time,
Speaker 1: Like she was in a fucking great mood. Every customer
Speaker 1: wanted to sit in her section. Everyone who come in
Speaker 1: and would see her, they'd be like, oh my god, Calle,
Speaker 1: it's here. I'd be like, great, you fucking take everybody.
Speaker 1: They all fucking love you. I'll just run the food out,
Speaker 1: but I have to tell you. And I was trying
Speaker 1: to find it because it was so funny. Terry, the owner,
Speaker 1: actually gave me a letter that was given to her
Speaker 1: by a customer, and I'm telling you, it was like
Speaker 1: three pages long about the service that she got from
Speaker 1: Chelsea anyway. It was awful. And Terry was like, look,
Speaker 1: I know that you you sometimes and I wasn't even
Speaker 1: in contact with you at this time, but she was like,
Speaker 1: I think that you probably would like to hold onto this.
Speaker 1: And it got lost in the shuffles some It's somewhere.
Speaker 1: I'll find it, but it is unbelievable the service that
Speaker 1: you gave, how terrible it is, how you should never
Speaker 1: be allowed to set foot in this restaurant. And I
Speaker 1: was like, wow, I mean you were just bad. I
Speaker 1: had no interest in waiting tables. It was simply a
Speaker 1: means to an end until I could support myself in
Speaker 1: other ways. Yeah. Yeah, I mean as soon as she
Speaker 1: got her first development deal, she was like, I'm done.
Speaker 1: I will never wait tables again. As soon as I
Speaker 1: got my first, like the smallest thing, like I got
Speaker 1: a guest star role on the Practice, and I I
Speaker 1: just thought, because I didn't know anything about how much
Speaker 1: money you'd make, I was like, oh, I'll just retire,
Speaker 1: like this is it, Like I'm now going to be
Speaker 1: a successful person. And then I realized, oh, it's like
Speaker 1: ten thousand dollars, you know, for the year. And I'm like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: wait a second, I'm gonna need to supplement this with
Speaker 1: some other stuff. But in the beginning, you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I got a job, I could quit everything. But anyway,
Speaker 1: so okay. So we moved in together, and Colleen, who
Speaker 1: I described in my I was very much fast and loose.
Speaker 1: I was out and about meeting men hooking up left
Speaker 1: and right, and Colleen was putting on her pajamas at
Speaker 1: eight o'clock. Well, first she puts on her bad Bath
Speaker 1: and Body Works lotion for an hour and a half.
Speaker 1: She's the one who tap to lubricate. I've never seen
Speaker 1: anyone lubricate as much as this girl. She has never
Speaker 1: had an ounce of dry skin. Well but maybe after
Speaker 1: a baby, but not before she would put on Bath
Speaker 1: and Body Works lotion. She would go. Plumria was one
Speaker 1: of her favorites. Remember that because I remember all the
Speaker 1: sense because I still the shower because of you. I
Speaker 1: used the Pair one because they come out with new
Speaker 1: flavors all the time, you know, so some of them
Speaker 1: are superior to the previous ones. Plumya, I remember this.
Speaker 1: And she would just and she had these long French
Speaker 1: manicured nails, and she would sit on the couch and
Speaker 1: she loved her shows. She just wanted to She just
Speaker 1: wanted to like come home and snuggle, you know, with herself. Basically.
Speaker 1: I mean she wanted to meet a guy, because you
Speaker 1: had crushes on various people. But I didn't go out.
Speaker 1: I was like a herm. I loved being home. I'm
Speaker 1: a homebody, and I just loved the apartment. I love,
Speaker 1: I loved it. And she loved activities, like she liked
Speaker 1: to get her nails done, she liked to go to work,
Speaker 1: like she was very bounced see about all the things
Speaker 1: that she had going on, you know, But all of
Speaker 1: those things were interests that I never had. You know.
Speaker 1: I wasn't looping up at night with lotion. I remember
Speaker 1: the smells that stayed with me forever. But I would
Speaker 1: always be like, don't you want to go out, like,
Speaker 1: let's go meet people, And she'd like, she just didn't
Speaker 1: want to write, Yeah, that's just not your person. I
Speaker 1: just didn't want to go out. I mean I didn't
Speaker 1: want to go. I didn't want to leave you apart.
Speaker 1: We go to CPK to get our I still go
Speaker 1: to my daughter's restaurant. We go every Sunday night to
Speaker 1: c p K. What do you order? No? No, I
Speaker 1: mean I'm want to strict. We'll get into that, but
Speaker 1: I mean I'm really strict with my diet. So I word,
Speaker 1: it's a vegetable plate with with shrimp and with vegetables. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's really but yeah, CPK is one of my favorites
Speaker 1: and then tanning, you'd go to I did. I don't
Speaker 1: do that anymore because you know, yeah, well I don't
Speaker 1: do that anymore that anymore. But I love the sun.
Speaker 1: So we have a beautiful pool and I would be
Speaker 1: out there while she was parading in men into the
Speaker 1: apartmental I'd be like hi, and She's like, there's my roommate,
Speaker 1: you know. And I'd call her a virgin all the
Speaker 1: time because she was one at a later age than
Speaker 1: I was one, and I just couldn't understand I'm still
Speaker 1: a virgin. She I couldn't understand how she didn't want
Speaker 1: to get some penetration. I was like, Colleen, let's go,
Speaker 1: let's get the show on the road. She kept trying
Speaker 1: to get me to go out and everything. But I just,
Speaker 1: you know, I just I was very naive. I was
Speaker 1: very young, twenty three year old, very young and naive,
Speaker 1: and I was the butt of a lot of jokes
Speaker 1: and it it did wear on me, but you know,
Speaker 1: I got through it. But yeah, Chelsea and I, I
Speaker 1: mean we um. Do you remember when we went shopping
Speaker 1: for our couches together? Okay, so Chelsea and I decided
Speaker 1: that we would go shopping and each get our own
Speaker 1: couch because we love to watch shows together. We'd watch friends. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so we got our own couch. And she had no money.
Speaker 1: I mean she would she would ask her sisters for money.
Speaker 1: She would call and be like, I put money in
Speaker 1: my account. I'm completely broke. And I was like, well,
Speaker 1: we need sofas. So I got a credit card. I
Speaker 1: opened a credit card, and every month on the refrigerator
Speaker 1: I had how much she owed me, and she would
Speaker 1: pay me pay me back. But we would fight constantly.
Speaker 1: We would get into drag out whole hair pinch id
Speaker 1: like to pinch on the floor in our apartment, rolling
Speaker 1: around pulling hair. I mean kind of stuff are you
Speaker 1: fighting about? Like what? Like what? She would to vide
Speaker 1: the bill? She would like, give me, well, it wasn't
Speaker 1: just that bill, because there was other bills, right. She
Speaker 1: would divide the bills like if there we split anything,
Speaker 1: and she would divide it down exactly to a t.
Speaker 1: So it would be like so and so in like
Speaker 1: twenty eight cents, and I'd be like, oh my god, Colin,
Speaker 1: can you just round it to a certain number. But anyway,
Speaker 1: go on with your version. Well wait. We would just
Speaker 1: fight about anything about everything, and probably because she was
Speaker 1: making fun of me and I would get upset and
Speaker 1: I started to sit and I was super sensitive and
Speaker 1: then when I start to cry, you're gonna she would
Speaker 1: do that to me and it would it would really like.
Speaker 1: So Chelsea is super handy. I mean, she decided that
Speaker 1: in her bedroom she needed a desk for you know,
Speaker 1: we had those computers with the big monitors and everything,
Speaker 1: and so she was when desktops first came out. So
Speaker 1: she was like, I'm going to Ikea and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get myself a desk and I'm gonna put it together.
Speaker 1: And she did and she came back with this desk.
Speaker 1: Then she was like, it's going to be done tonight,
Speaker 1: and like a week later she was still on the
Speaker 1: floor putting like I mean, she hit. It was funny.
Speaker 1: It was funny because, yeah, it took forever for her
Speaker 1: to put that together. Do you remember that. I do
Speaker 1: remember my desk because I remember that was the first
Speaker 1: email account that I ever got, was when we were
Speaker 1: living there. It's still my email address, it's my original
Speaker 1: email address. It's causing me a lot of problems quite frankly,
Speaker 1: because well is a ship show and it's the server
Speaker 1: never works, So I have some other email addresses, but
Speaker 1: that's my primary email address. But we lived in this
Speaker 1: right in this kind of like Melrose Placy type place,
Speaker 1: so we would hang out a lot, like we go
Speaker 1: to launch or we go to dinner. We worked together,
Speaker 1: so we were basically like you know, operating as sisters
Speaker 1: because we were fighting all the time, but also together
Speaker 1: all the time, right, Like we would fight and then
Speaker 1: be like, let's go to the movies, you know, and
Speaker 1: then but wait, something I would like to do is
Speaker 1: I'd like to read those Chicken Soup for the Soul books.
Speaker 1: And Chelsea would be on her couch and I would
Speaker 1: be on mine, and I would read her chapters of
Speaker 1: the book and we would just I mean, it was
Speaker 1: like a really nice bonding time. But I remember, do
Speaker 1: you remember we had dinner with Terry and a lot
Speaker 1: of people from the restaurant one night, and I mentioned
Speaker 1: that I was reading Chicken Soup for the Soul to
Speaker 1: you one night and the ones that the one lady said,
Speaker 1: it's so nice that to do that as a as
Speaker 1: a couple, like she totally thought we were a couple,
Speaker 1: And Chelsea's face was like, no, no, we're not together,
Speaker 1: we're not there. Yeah, yeah, but it was so funny.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean we would do stuff like that. Honestly,
Speaker 1: it just was I was like, you know, the demon
Speaker 1: and she was the wholesome one. I was the demon
Speaker 1: child like crazy was like. And we and then she
Speaker 1: had a crush on a guy that would come to
Speaker 1: the restaurant, and we were all about it, like we
Speaker 1: just wanted this to happen for her, right, we wanted
Speaker 1: this to come to Fruition because she had It was
Speaker 1: years that you had a crush on him, the soap
Speaker 1: opera star. Okay, I I hope he never ever listens
Speaker 1: to this, but we're not going to mention his name.
Speaker 1: But he would come in and I had the biggest
Speaker 1: crush on him, and I met lots of celebrities. I
Speaker 1: became friends with lots of celebrities by them coming in,
Speaker 1: just by seeing them every day. And he would come
Speaker 1: in and talk to me, and I was like I
Speaker 1: would come home every day and tell Chelsea stories about
Speaker 1: this is what he said today, and it was just like,
Speaker 1: I mean, it was so exciting. I really really yeah.
Speaker 1: I loved him. I did. I was like, wow, I
Speaker 1: So anyway, I got the opportunity to go to a
Speaker 1: function that was a really high end function, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm gonna ask him to go with me.
Speaker 1: And I did. I knew where he lived. He lived
Speaker 1: in the Palisa, So I went to his house and
Speaker 1: I knocked on his door and and he answered the
Speaker 1: door in his briefs. He was in his yeah, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: and he was beauty. He's he is, he's beautiful. And
Speaker 1: he got behind the door and I'm like he's like, Colleen,
Speaker 1: what are you? What are you doing here? And I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I just have a question to ask you. I'm going
Speaker 1: to this function and I would like you to come
Speaker 1: with me. And he just looked at me and he
Speaker 1: started laughing and he said, oh, I can't go with you.
Speaker 1: I said why not? And he said because I have
Speaker 1: a function that I have to go to tonight. And
Speaker 1: I said, well, maybe it's the same function and then
Speaker 1: you could take me, and he just was like, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I think you should go. And by this point I
Speaker 1: just looked at him and I was like tears and
Speaker 1: tears running down my face and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm going, I'm going. And I got in the car
Speaker 1: and I drove home and I bawled the whole way home.
Speaker 1: And when I get home, she's just like, what is
Speaker 1: wrong with you? Because I'm just like a man mass
Speaker 1: And I told her what happened, and she's like, you're nuts.
Speaker 1: You've got the biggest balls of anyone that I've ever met.
Speaker 1: I can't believe that you actually went to his house
Speaker 1: and did that. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I did.
Speaker 1: I did, but I I've seen him since you did that.
Speaker 1: After that, Oh man, he was on and I wasn't
Speaker 1: there to see him. I knew someone that worked there,
Speaker 1: and I went to see the show at taping a
Speaker 1: few times there. So when I found out he was on,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my gosh. So I told the
Speaker 1: person and they said, oh, let me tell him, and
Speaker 1: so he was like, yeah, yeah, send her back, send
Speaker 1: her to my trailer. So I got to see him
Speaker 1: and he introduced me to his wife and his lovely children,
Speaker 1: and I mean, he's he's an awesome person. And you know,
Speaker 1: that was just me hoping that, you know, but I
Speaker 1: fucking don't you do regret doing that exactly. That is
Speaker 1: what every listener should know. I don't regret at all.
Speaker 1: I've done a lot of crazy ship in my life,
Speaker 1: crazy shit that I and you know what, it's brought
Speaker 1: me to where I am right now, and I have
Speaker 1: no I mean, I I don't think you know this,
Speaker 1: but I was in love with this guy for years
Speaker 1: and years and years. I was friends with him for
Speaker 1: years and years and years. And we spent the day
Speaker 1: together and I hope he's not listening, but anyway, I
Speaker 1: loved him and we spent the day together and I
Speaker 1: never told him how I felt and he was leaving,
Speaker 1: he dropped me off. We spent the day and down
Speaker 1: Barrington Avenue. I decided I had that because I feel
Speaker 1: like my life sometimes is like a romantic comedy. And
Speaker 1: I saw him leaving and I started running down Barrington
Speaker 1: Avenue calling his name, and he stopped in the middle
Speaker 1: of the road and I went up and I was like,
Speaker 1: I love you, I love you. It didn't go well.
Speaker 1: It didn't you know again, it didn't go well. Yeah again,
Speaker 1: I can't remember that it was supposed to be a
Speaker 1: romantic comedy moments, I know I have. I've had a
Speaker 1: lot of those moments where I think it's going to
Speaker 1: go one way and it it just it doesn't. It
Speaker 1: goes bad, so, you know, but I don't regret it
Speaker 1: at all because now I've I've met my husband and
Speaker 1: he's wonderful. Yeah. Did you have to take any of
Speaker 1: those sorts of risks with your husband? You have to
Speaker 1: take risks. We met online dating? Yeah, we met on
Speaker 1: e harmony. We're like an e harmony success story. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of e harmony success stories. Yeah, so great.
Speaker 1: Before we get to all the fun stuff, we'll take
Speaker 1: a quick break. Okay, sounds good. We'll be right back.
Speaker 1: But yeah, getting back to Chelsea and I we um um,
Speaker 1: we have to talk about something else. We have to
Speaker 1: talk about our vacation that we decided to take. I
Speaker 1: wrote about this in My Horizontal Life and this is where. Yes,
Speaker 1: the cruise ship. We took a three day cruise from
Speaker 1: Long Long Beach to Ensonata for for the for the
Speaker 1: New Year's holiday. We were like, let's spend New Years together.
Speaker 1: We're gonna We had no money, so we were carnival cruise.
Speaker 1: Everybody just yes, it was Carnival cruise. It was. It
Speaker 1: was a disaster. I recommend I recommend never going to Ensonataval.
Speaker 1: I would like to recommend for going on a carnival
Speaker 1: cruise with it doesn't matter who the company is. I
Speaker 1: had visions of us walking on board and seeing like
Speaker 1: Captain Stubing and you know the doc from the Love Boat,
Speaker 1: like I thought the whole that's what cruises were based
Speaker 1: on my television experience. Yeah, I have a picture of
Speaker 1: Chelsea on the cruise. So let me just good news.
Speaker 1: Let me just get this real quick, because this would
Speaker 1: summarize right here, This would summarize Chelsea. Do I just
Speaker 1: where do I show it? This would summarize you giving
Speaker 1: the finger to her, bundled up in blankets. That was
Speaker 1: pretty much where. We're gonna have to send that to
Speaker 1: me so we can use it for the podcast. That's
Speaker 1: how cold we were because we thought, oh we we're
Speaker 1: gonna go to Mexico. It's going to be beautiful, Oh
Speaker 1: my god. And all right in this picture we are
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna tell this story. This right here is
Speaker 1: us wearing our bracelets so we don't get sick, you know,
Speaker 1: the motions bracelets, which you know they don't work. But anyway, um,
Speaker 1: so there's me and Chelsea there I am as a brunette.
Speaker 1: My goodness. So maybe, but but this cruise we were
Speaker 1: freezing the entire time. We get on there and there
Speaker 1: was these First of all, do you remember running through
Speaker 1: the decks like we were like running like we were
Speaker 1: in the Titanic or something like running away from people
Speaker 1: that were chasing us. Do you remember, Okay, when we
Speaker 1: first got on there, I think there was a guy
Speaker 1: is that and you were like Rod Rod, and so
Speaker 1: we're running to try and find our room. You don't
Speaker 1: remember that you stole away. I don't remember that part. Well,
Speaker 1: we get on. We get first of all, the room
Speaker 1: is the size of like a bathroom. I thought it
Speaker 1: was gonna be like a romantic love sweet you know,
Speaker 1: where we have some big master and she and I
Speaker 1: would just switch off when we hooked up with guys. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: we check in and it's literally the size. It's like
Speaker 1: a twelve foot by twelve foot room, cabbyhole. You had
Speaker 1: to climb over one of the single beds to get
Speaker 1: to the fucking bathroom. Like the bathroom wasn't easy, like
Speaker 1: accessible for anyone to take a shower. You couldn't take
Speaker 1: a shower. I mean you were like this washing because
Speaker 1: you couldn't move your arms. It was awful. And then
Speaker 1: we had a porthole. This is a really fun story.
Speaker 1: So if you've ever been on a cruise, you know
Speaker 1: that dinner time you sit with the same people every
Speaker 1: single night. And we're all excited to go to dinner.
Speaker 1: Let's eat it's all you can eat buffet. We get there,
Speaker 1: we sit down. So who we sit down with is
Speaker 1: a family of Mormons. And they were lovely, they were
Speaker 1: you know, it was a really nice family. But this
Speaker 1: one over here, she just offended them left and right,
Speaker 1: left and right. I mean, it was so bad. It
Speaker 1: was it was I was so embarrassed. I was so
Speaker 1: embarrassed because every other the word is f this and
Speaker 1: then they're just like I mean, it was like a
Speaker 1: husband and wife and they're like five kids or something,
Speaker 1: and it was so so bad. So we finished dinner
Speaker 1: and the next night, I'm getting ready for dinner and
Speaker 1: I'm like, are you ready to go? And she's like yeah.
Speaker 1: She's like yeah, I'm not. I'm not going have fun.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, what you have to come to dinner
Speaker 1: and she's like no, you fucking go have a good time,
Speaker 1: and she didn't leave the cabin the rest of the
Speaker 1: two days. I gotta once I got a full understanding
Speaker 1: of the company we were keeping. I was like, I'll
Speaker 1: just be inside the cabinet. So I was so upset.
Speaker 1: I had to go and have dinner with the family
Speaker 1: who you know by association I was the devil. So
Speaker 1: I had to sit at this table with them, and
Speaker 1: they hated me and it was just awful. Oh it
Speaker 1: was I can't believe she made me go by myself
Speaker 1: and she just she thought it was funny. I was like,
Speaker 1: I just can't commingle with those people again. And and
Speaker 1: when we got to Ensenada, I was like hey, because
Speaker 1: there was like, oh, they're gonna be gambling on the ship.
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, great, that's something that will keep
Speaker 1: me busy for at least an hour. But you create
Speaker 1: your gamble until you crossed the Mexican border, so I
Speaker 1: was like, you had to wait like twelve hours to
Speaker 1: start the gambling. And I was like wait, what what?
Speaker 1: And then on the way back, the same thing as
Speaker 1: soon as you got into I don't even remember gambling
Speaker 1: American waters. Yeah, we gambled together. We did. Did we win? No?
Speaker 1: I mean we had no money. It was like twenty
Speaker 1: dollars and you know, I think I blew that and
Speaker 1: lost it right away. But I was like trying to
Speaker 1: convince Colleen. I was like, listen, when we get to Ensenada,
Speaker 1: we have to jump ship and we have to get
Speaker 1: a car to take us back to l A. And
Speaker 1: She's like, Chelsea, we could get assaulted. At least we'd
Speaker 1: have a good New Year's Like, who cares what happens
Speaker 1: on the way back home. But I'm not taking this
Speaker 1: fucking boat back. And I was just trying to convince her.
Speaker 1: Do you remember that I trying to convince her to
Speaker 1: get off the boat and the rules. Yeah, I follow
Speaker 1: the rules all the time. I followed the rules. I
Speaker 1: was like, why do you We'll pay someone. I'm like,
Speaker 1: we'll find somebody to get us back to l A
Speaker 1: and we will pay them. And she's like with what money.
Speaker 1: I'm like, who cares, We'll figure that out later. Yeah, No,
Speaker 1: that was just it was. It was a nightmare. Kept
Speaker 1: you alive by not letting you, like find a random
Speaker 1: driver and you're welcome. Possibly, yes, but yeah, thank you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she had a good hand in keeping me alive. At
Speaker 1: least I wasn't such a bit that I just left
Speaker 1: her on the boat, because that would have been a
Speaker 1: step above that would have been. That would have been.
Speaker 1: But I think I I don't think. I think we
Speaker 1: were just so mad. I I honestly don't think we
Speaker 1: talked the whole way home. I think that we were
Speaker 1: like pissed. I was just like, I mean, we get
Speaker 1: so we would get so aggravated with each other. We
Speaker 1: were we were like sisters, and it was like we
Speaker 1: wouldn't talk to each other. We'd be like, fuck you,
Speaker 1: and then ten minutes later she'd be like, you want
Speaker 1: to go to c p KNY, And I like, let's
Speaker 1: do it. That's funny. That boat was also so depressed
Speaker 1: because it was cold. I don't know. I had this
Speaker 1: idea that was in Mexico everything was warm. It have
Speaker 1: to get there first, and it was freezing, so like
Speaker 1: there was no bathing suit action. There was no lido
Speaker 1: deck activity, nobody was. There was a pool and it
Speaker 1: was completely covered, like it was closed off, like we
Speaker 1: thought we were gonna be hanging out our bathing suites
Speaker 1: right right. It's like we did nothing. We did tracked.
Speaker 1: It's like we almost had no idea what happens on cruises,
Speaker 1: Like we thought it was going to be well. I
Speaker 1: think we just took a bad one. I think there
Speaker 1: are really good cruises, yeah, but I sure there are,
Speaker 1: but in general, I would like to stay away from them.
Speaker 1: I know, you know, it's just not that's not my scene.
Speaker 1: It's funny what you remember from that trip and what
Speaker 1: I remember from that trip, like different memories that the
Speaker 1: other person doesn't remember at all. It makes you wonder, like,
Speaker 1: am I making all this shut up? You know? Like
Speaker 1: when I talked to my sisters, they're always like, you're
Speaker 1: so full of ship your memories, they're not real. I'm like,
Speaker 1: and then somebody will corroborate it, you know, in my
Speaker 1: family they'll be like, actually that wasn't that was true?
Speaker 1: And my sisters will be like, oh great, don't give
Speaker 1: her anymore, you know, gas, because she already thinks she
Speaker 1: fucking remembers everything, and I know I don't. Joe's always like,
Speaker 1: you have a six month memory, He's like, and even
Speaker 1: then it's pretty shifty. Well, he's adorable. I want to
Speaker 1: meet him, I know, I want to tell him to
Speaker 1: come and say hi if he's in the neighborhood. I also,
Speaker 1: do you remember your car, your first car that you
Speaker 1: bought at six o five? No, which one was. She
Speaker 1: had a black Echo, a Toyota Echo, and she was
Speaker 1: so proud of herself, and she would go, look at me,
Speaker 1: I'm so cute. O, oh my gosh. She loved that car.
Speaker 1: Oh that car was the buzzing around because that was
Speaker 1: the first brand new car that I had ever driven,
Speaker 1: because my father was a used car dealer, so every
Speaker 1: car I had ever had up until that point was used.
Speaker 1: And I remember when I got rid of the Toyota Echo.
Speaker 1: I went to go turn it in and I got
Speaker 1: it in this place in the marina. It says I
Speaker 1: got a whale of a deal. It's said on the
Speaker 1: license plate, and I remember that. And then I when
Speaker 1: I turned that car in and I got my next car.
Speaker 1: I remember the car. They were opening up my glove
Speaker 1: compartment and they found an egg McMuffin clove compartment from
Speaker 1: like two years before, and I was so hard. I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, this is exactly what my
Speaker 1: parents like. This is exactly how I had turned into
Speaker 1: my parents, because they would drive around their disgusting cars
Speaker 1: with fucking McDonald's, old McDonald's coffees and egg mcmuffins in
Speaker 1: every compartment you could find, and then it happened to me.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, this is a full circle moment. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was her. She was so proud of that car. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And then I gave it to know I didn't give
Speaker 1: it to someone. Oh, I got Chewy. When Chewy and
Speaker 1: I got together, he I was like, this is you,
Speaker 1: this is the car you need this to No. I
Speaker 1: got him a different one. But he had his own
Speaker 1: little Toyota Echo, a red one, because that was a
Speaker 1: perfect size car for him. That Toyota Echo was amazing
Speaker 1: because you didn't even have to put it in reverse.
Speaker 1: You could just pick it up and turn it around.
Speaker 1: That was my joke and stand up. When I had
Speaker 1: that car, I would talk about it all the time.
Speaker 1: What kind of Yeah, what kind of car did you drive?
Speaker 1: You had a Okay, well I came here. I think
Speaker 1: it was my Camaro. Wasn't my rent? Yes? Yes, okay,
Speaker 1: so my Camaro. By the way, we're both from Jersey
Speaker 1: and um I had my car, my nineteen seventy one
Speaker 1: or something Camaro. My dad shipped it out, and yeah,
Speaker 1: it was the greatest. I loved my Camaro. But yeah,
Speaker 1: it blew up on me. My dad whenever he came
Speaker 1: to visit. He would do the oil changes. He like,
Speaker 1: would you know, do my car in the parking lot.
Speaker 1: That's another thing. She's always been super close with her family, right,
Speaker 1: we actually have some questions that are exactly about that.
Speaker 1: So I'm interested to hear. Oh, yeah, we have to
Speaker 1: take colors. By the way, people have to call in
Speaker 1: and get advice because I'm the one to give advice.
Speaker 1: Who am I to give advice? This is perfect, but
Speaker 1: they just needed from anybody. It doesn't really matter, all right,
Speaker 1: But yeah, well that's something. I would talk to my
Speaker 1: parents every single day, so I would tell them everything
Speaker 1: that happened throughout the day. And that would drive me like,
Speaker 1: what are you doing? Like she'd be on the phone
Speaker 1: with her dad and she'd be like, and then whoever
Speaker 1: the crush was, let's say his name was Luke. She'll
Speaker 1: be like, and then Luke came in, and then Luke
Speaker 1: said this to me, didn't And I'm like, that's your father.
Speaker 1: And then she'd be on the It was so funny,
Speaker 1: and I would be so annoyed. I like, you need
Speaker 1: to get some friends, Like you cannot be on the
Speaker 1: phone telling your parents all this, And she's like, I
Speaker 1: love my family. I tell them everything. I tell my
Speaker 1: mother everything, and I tell my father everything. And that
Speaker 1: was not the relationship I had with my parents. You know,
Speaker 1: I wasn't telling them anything. I'm still really close. I
Speaker 1: mean they're they're here visiting me for two months. And
Speaker 1: and now Colleen has her own child and she has
Speaker 1: a step well she has two children because she's a stepmother.
Speaker 1: And you actually gave birth. I did, I did. How
Speaker 1: was that not fun? It's it's terrible. It was. I mean,
Speaker 1: I people say it's the most beautiful. It's not. It's
Speaker 1: beautiful when you're holding your baby at the end. But
Speaker 1: I ended up having an emergency C section. It was
Speaker 1: traumatic and really scary. And an epidural is a life saver.
Speaker 1: And anyone who doesn't do it, I don't know what
Speaker 1: the funds wrong with you, because it is, like, I mean,
Speaker 1: it really helps you a lot, a lot. I would
Speaker 1: like to get an epidural just just yeah, it sounds good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so yeah, so yeah I gave birth and yeah, and
Speaker 1: then I, um, I gained tons of weight my I
Speaker 1: you know, balloons, like I don't even know. I've I've
Speaker 1: lost forty five pounds in six months. What are you
Speaker 1: doing okay? So well? First of all, let me just
Speaker 1: say that I went to my doctor and my doctor said,
Speaker 1: you have high cholesterol. I was on medication for everything,
Speaker 1: high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and the beginnings of a
Speaker 1: fatty liver. And I was like, okay, I have to
Speaker 1: do something. I have to take control of my body here.
Speaker 1: So I started on this diet where I eat super clean,
Speaker 1: I eat veggies, I eat protein, I cut out carbs,
Speaker 1: I cut no there's no bread, there's no pasta, there's
Speaker 1: no alcohol whatsoever. So you probably couldn't do this diet.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I just eat really clean and I exercise
Speaker 1: five times a week. I run and I do at
Speaker 1: intervals like I walk and then I run and I
Speaker 1: on an incline, so I think it's really important to
Speaker 1: get your heart rate up. And then I walk, like
Speaker 1: every point tenth of a mile, I stopped, like I'll
Speaker 1: either walk or run, and I do that for four miles,
Speaker 1: so it keeps my heart rated and even keel. And yeah,
Speaker 1: I just started losing weight and I started making really
Speaker 1: small goals for myself, and every month, I'd lose ten pounds.
Speaker 1: So not any specific diet, just common sense, like common sense.
Speaker 1: But I also do these meals. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you've heard of it. It's called Factor and my husband
Speaker 1: and I he's lost like thirty pounds two. Um. We
Speaker 1: do these Factor meals. So we get them delivered and
Speaker 1: we eat them for dinner, and they are delicious. They
Speaker 1: are it's like a gourmet meal. I hate to cook anyway,
Speaker 1: so I'm like, I put it in the mic way
Speaker 1: for two and a half minutes, I put it on
Speaker 1: a plate. It looks like a gourmet meal. There you go. Done.
Speaker 1: It's portion control. It's delicious. I got my parents on
Speaker 1: it while they're here. We're doing the Factor meals. So
Speaker 1: I tell everybody because I've been getting like people commenting
Speaker 1: and on Instagram and stuff, and I send them the
Speaker 1: Factor thing. I'm like, it's worked. So it's combination of everything.
Speaker 1: I do the Factor meals and I work out, and
Speaker 1: I'm just really you know, diligent about what I put
Speaker 1: in my body. And and you had said when we
Speaker 1: were on the phone, like you know, getting to know
Speaker 1: what your interests were and stuff about you. You had
Speaker 1: said that, like you are finding that you're actually able
Speaker 1: to carve out time for yourself because You're like, this
Speaker 1: is my time. I go to the gym, and so
Speaker 1: it seems like you're feeling really great and well as
Speaker 1: a as a mom and all moms, no, you have
Speaker 1: no free time. You have none. I mean, for the
Speaker 1: past five years, I don't do anything else for myself.
Speaker 1: It is for her all the time, and you start
Speaker 1: to get really depressed. We moved to Orange County from
Speaker 1: l A last year and there's a dairy Queen across
Speaker 1: the street, which is not not because I'm like, just
Speaker 1: go to dairy Queen, and you know, and I wanted
Speaker 1: to try all the restaurants and stuff, and I put
Speaker 1: on the pounds, but yeah, I don't have any time
Speaker 1: for myself. And then she started school, which is the
Speaker 1: best thing in the world. Schools awesome. So she started school,
Speaker 1: so she goes for four hours a day and those
Speaker 1: four hours are my time, and I go right to
Speaker 1: the gym. I drop her off and I go right
Speaker 1: to the gym. So it's not even like a question
Speaker 1: of what I'm gonna do today, It's off to the gym.
Speaker 1: And I feel the best that I have ever felt,
Speaker 1: and I have time for myself, and the most important
Speaker 1: thing is no more fatty liver. No more cholesterol, no
Speaker 1: more high blood pressure. Everything's under control, and I feel great.
Speaker 1: So I love that. Yeah, that's such a motivator for
Speaker 1: so many people who are feeling like that. Yeah, once
Speaker 1: you have kids, I don't even understand how people can function.
Speaker 1: I don't even get it. It must be so it's
Speaker 1: talk about all consuming. It's it's the hardest thing that
Speaker 1: I've ever had to do. I love this child so much,
Speaker 1: but it is the hardest. Okay, I have O c D.
Speaker 1: My husband is a perfectionist. She doesn't have much of
Speaker 1: a of a chance here. She's a she's going to
Speaker 1: be a disaster, but she's she's already got O c
Speaker 1: D issues where all of her toys have to be
Speaker 1: perfectly stacked up and and um. But she's the sweetest
Speaker 1: thing ever. But yeah, the tantrums and everything, it's it's
Speaker 1: not fun. How do you handle tantrums? I just locked
Speaker 1: myself in my bedroom and no, no, no, no, no. Um.
Speaker 1: I'm getting better at it. Usually I'm like, what's wrong?
Speaker 1: What you know? And now I have to I have
Speaker 1: to calm myself down and try to see it from
Speaker 1: her perspective. Because kids, they're upset for some reason. You
Speaker 1: have to try and understand where they're coming from instead
Speaker 1: of just getting upset. So my husband, who he's really
Speaker 1: good at handling that, he's helping me see that. I've
Speaker 1: gotten a lot calmer over the years. I've let things go.
Speaker 1: I'm very wound up and tight and very structured, and
Speaker 1: so I have as a mom, let go because you
Speaker 1: have to let go, because right, it's too bad you
Speaker 1: didn't have that skill set when you were living with me,
Speaker 1: because that was your first experience with the toddler. It
Speaker 1: was it was Okay, So we're gonna take callers. People
Speaker 1: are going to call in or right in, Katherine, do
Speaker 1: you want to get the ball rolling? Or should we
Speaker 1: take a quick break first. Let's take a quick break first,
Speaker 1: and then we'll come back with callers. Okay, Well, see
Speaker 1: how we do this as a couple, as the odd couple. Alright, Well,
Speaker 1: our first caller today is Emma. She says, help, I'm
Speaker 1: a twenty five year old virgin. Dear Chelsea, I'm just
Speaker 1: going to cut right to it. I'm a twenty five
Speaker 1: year old virgin, and I hate it. I shouldn't really
Speaker 1: use the word hate because I don't hate the fact
Speaker 1: that I still am, but I'm embarrassed and I can't
Speaker 1: help it. It's not that I want to wait, or
Speaker 1: that I'm waiting for the right person and all that ship.
Speaker 1: I just haven't had the moment of okay right now
Speaker 1: is fine, but would stop something from going further. Every
Speaker 1: man I've had somewhat of a relationship with has been
Speaker 1: respectful and kind about it. But I hate bringing it up,
Speaker 1: and I hate that I feel like I have to
Speaker 1: bring it up. I also hate looking around me and
Speaker 1: seeing all of my friends talking comfortably about their sex
Speaker 1: lives when mine is non existent. So I'm seeking any
Speaker 1: advice that you can possibly give me because I can't
Speaker 1: help but feel alone in this. Sincerely, Emma, Hi, Emma, Hi, Emma, Hi,
Speaker 1: how are you? Hi? Emma? This is my roommate from
Speaker 1: many many moons ago in l A. Her name's Colleen,
Speaker 1: and she's our guest today. Yeah. Hi, Hi, it's so
Speaker 1: nice to meet you. Guys. Well, it's so nice and
Speaker 1: refreshing to meet a virgin. I don't meet a lot
Speaker 1: of virgins. I don't either, Yeah, I do know other
Speaker 1: virgins your age, not within like my circle. Oh that
Speaker 1: makes it even more. That makes it stand out more. Colleen,
Speaker 1: why don't you talk about your experience because one of
Speaker 1: us had sex at a very young age and one
Speaker 1: of us was a little bit more um responsible, Yes, yeah, responsible. Well, Emma,
Speaker 1: first of all, there's nothing to be embarrassed about at all.
Speaker 1: I lost my virginity at twenty nine. In my head,
Speaker 1: like I was telling Chelsea, I feel like my life
Speaker 1: should be like a romantic comedy, and that's what I
Speaker 1: was waiting for, the perfect love and we were going
Speaker 1: to ride off into the sunset together. And I felt
Speaker 1: the same way as you. I was embarrassed. I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna have sex with with anybody because this
Speaker 1: is so you know, you just at like why am
Speaker 1: I not meeting someone or what's going on? I actually
Speaker 1: wish I would have waited longer because the person that
Speaker 1: I did have sex with it was a mistake and
Speaker 1: it was a mistake and it was a horrible experience.
Speaker 1: It was awful and it was terrible. It wasn't a
Speaker 1: good at treeria Is, I would have waited. So my
Speaker 1: advice to you is, don't be embarrassed, don't settle. You're
Speaker 1: gonna meet someone who loves that you are a virgin,
Speaker 1: You're gonna meet someone who appreciates you and who adores you,
Speaker 1: and don't ever apologize for it. Just be who you are.
Speaker 1: That's the most important thing. And if you're not feeling it,
Speaker 1: don't do it. Yeah, that you should embrace the uniqueness
Speaker 1: that is you and your virginity and all the other
Speaker 1: unique things about you and focus on those things. That's
Speaker 1: that's something that's cool. Ye uncommon you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: it's it's uncommonly cool, I should say. Anyway, anyway you
Speaker 1: phrase it, it covers it, like, that's cool. You have
Speaker 1: something that not a lot of people have going on
Speaker 1: right now. Yeah, that's true. It's definitely like uncommon. Like
Speaker 1: when I tell men when I'm in a relationship and
Speaker 1: it's starting to get a little risque, you should say,
Speaker 1: I've never had Like I said, I've never had a
Speaker 1: bad experience telling them. They're always very nice and they're
Speaker 1: surprised for sure. But it is uncomfortable kind of to
Speaker 1: bring up because I can't help but have that little
Speaker 1: guy in the back of my head being like this
Speaker 1: is so embarrassing. No, I know, I know, I feel you.
Speaker 1: I was in the same boat I actually didn't even
Speaker 1: tell the guy that I had sex with it. I
Speaker 1: was really I didn't even tell them. I was just like, Yeah,
Speaker 1: was it because you were so eager to have sex
Speaker 1: or was it you were so into the guy? Like, well,
Speaker 1: I honestly think I was twenty nine. I hadn't really
Speaker 1: met anyone that I really really really liked, and we
Speaker 1: were dating, so it was going there. But I didn't
Speaker 1: want to tell him because I was embarrassed. I was
Speaker 1: the same way as you feel. I was embarrassed. I
Speaker 1: was just like, Oh, he's going to run away if
Speaker 1: he finds out I'm twenty nine years old. This is
Speaker 1: and so I didn't say anything. And after the fact
Speaker 1: I told him and he was just like what. But
Speaker 1: I regret that whole situation because I would have just
Speaker 1: waited to find someone that appreciated me. And so my
Speaker 1: advice to you would be to just hang in there.
Speaker 1: You are going to meet someone. You're going to meet
Speaker 1: someone that adores you, and it's going to be like, Wow,
Speaker 1: you waited for me, and that's gonna be so special.
Speaker 1: So that is special. Yeah, I think I've read too
Speaker 1: many books in my lifetime, so I have this whole
Speaker 1: preconception of like it's a magical moment. Like I just
Speaker 1: read I'm in graduate school and I just read Forever
Speaker 1: by Judy Bluem and it's literally about a teenage girl
Speaker 1: having sex for the first time. And I was like,
Speaker 1: this is too fitting. This is maybe a little past two,
Speaker 1: but also like too fitting. I love Judy Bloom read
Speaker 1: those are the fastings around. So, Emma, what are you
Speaker 1: waiting for? Are you waiting to be in love and
Speaker 1: being a relationship, like a really serious relationship. Is that
Speaker 1: what you're waiting for? I think kind of yes, And no,
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm not like into hook up culture. I
Speaker 1: I live in Boston, so like dating out here is
Speaker 1: hard enough as it is, especially in Boston. Um, but
Speaker 1: I've definitely like gotten away from that whole. I'm going
Speaker 1: to wait for the one, and I'm gonna wait for
Speaker 1: someone that I really like. You know, if I'm currently
Speaker 1: dating someone and it's going well for a couple of
Speaker 1: months or weeks or whatever, like and I have a
Speaker 1: moment where I'm like, I feel comfortable enough right now
Speaker 1: and they know, so let's give it a shot. That's
Speaker 1: kind of my mindset right now. And it took me
Speaker 1: a while to get in that mindset because the embarrassment
Speaker 1: just like never went away. Yeah, and I think it
Speaker 1: is something that's lovely. Of course, it's not like what
Speaker 1: it looks like in movies or you know, sounds like
Speaker 1: in books. But my advice would be lose it with
Speaker 1: the person that you can kind of laugh about things with,
Speaker 1: Like you're laughing in the middle of it, You're cracking
Speaker 1: jokes and like sometimes it's really romantic and sometimes it's not.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you're just like fooling around. So I mean it
Speaker 1: might be helpful to be with somebody who, like you
Speaker 1: can kind of joke around, laugh about it, and also
Speaker 1: like you don't necessarily have to say it's your first time.
Speaker 1: I think that's fine. Yeah, that's so true. I've definitely
Speaker 1: been in relationships and and with men that I do
Speaker 1: feel comfortable enough like not only telling them, but being like, yeah,
Speaker 1: let's try. But as it continues, it's like, Okay, no,
Speaker 1: I was wrong, Like I'm not ready for this, please
Speaker 1: back up. Yeah. I also I would say, I don't know, Catherine,
Speaker 1: I disagree with that. Maybe calling you can speak to us,
Speaker 1: but I think like if you're gonna if you've waited
Speaker 1: this long, right, Which isn't it like a ridiculous amount
Speaker 1: of time. It's a it's a logical amount of time,
Speaker 1: Like you've waited this long and you're not going to
Speaker 1: jump to Like, why not have that experience be on
Speaker 1: the table with the person that you're going to have
Speaker 1: it with so that they can be even more careful
Speaker 1: and like caring you know about the situation, because if
Speaker 1: you have been, you know, saving yourself for the right person,
Speaker 1: you know, it doesn't have to mean it's your husband,
Speaker 1: but the right person, someone who cares for you deeply, right,
Speaker 1: that's all you really need is somebody who really cares
Speaker 1: about you. Why not have that experience together so that
Speaker 1: they know going in you know that it is your
Speaker 1: first time, because it can be a more delicate situation. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's true, that's true. I completely I do agree with that.
Speaker 1: I think that you know, he should know, and you
Speaker 1: should feel totally comfortable with him, and it gives him
Speaker 1: the opportunity to make you feel even more comfortable and
Speaker 1: even safer. And if it goes the other way, then
Speaker 1: it's not meant to be with him exactly. And I
Speaker 1: think me as a person, I would feel so guilty
Speaker 1: if like I didn't tell them, and then it would
Speaker 1: just be like in the back of my head and
Speaker 1: I'd be like, I'm such a fucking horrible person. Well,
Speaker 1: then you have your answer about whether you should tell them.
Speaker 1: That's true. So that's why I always That's why I've
Speaker 1: always told people, because I have a feeling I would
Speaker 1: just feel like so guilty, and I know what I'm
Speaker 1: not like obligated to tell like my partner. But at
Speaker 1: the same time, it's like I wish I could just
Speaker 1: like not and not have those feelings of like anxiety
Speaker 1: and guilt over it and just let it happen. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's special, Like it's special. Embrace the fact
Speaker 1: that it's special. Nothing embarrassing, Yeah, embarrassing losing your virginity
Speaker 1: when you're you know, a teenager to someone that you
Speaker 1: don't even know, whose name you don't remember the point
Speaker 1: of that. No, mine was Mitch, I remember who I
Speaker 1: lost my virginity too. But he knew I was a
Speaker 1: virgin and he was very careful with me. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: have a friend who she actually in her thirties and
Speaker 1: just lost her virginity. But when you say, like all
Speaker 1: my friends were talking really easily about this. I remember
Speaker 1: there was a time when a bunch of us friends
Speaker 1: were talking and one of the girls was like, how
Speaker 1: did everybody lose their virginity? And when it got to her,
Speaker 1: it was like, well, it almost happened this one time,
Speaker 1: and then it didn't, and you know, she handled it well.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, like she's now at a
Speaker 1: place in her life where like she's having the first
Speaker 1: great love of her life, and it's just like all
Speaker 1: this anxiety she had around it, all of these worries,
Speaker 1: they're gone in like the blink of an eye, and
Speaker 1: she's having so much fun, and it's just you know,
Speaker 1: when it happens, that happens. Yeah, I also feel like
Speaker 1: the pandemic didn't really help me at all. I moved
Speaker 1: to Boston in followed nineteen, so we only had a
Speaker 1: window of like a couple of months to go out
Speaker 1: there and date and meet new people. And then it
Speaker 1: was like, oh, just kidding, you're stuck inside, you're alone.
Speaker 1: We'll just hang in there. You'll meet somebody who is
Speaker 1: perfect for you and will make you feel special and
Speaker 1: it won't matter that you're a virgin. It's very true.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thanks for calling Emma, you're adorable. Oh, thank you.
Speaker 1: So you're adorable, virgin. Thank you so much. Hey, I
Speaker 1: that's a great compliment. I'm gonna add that to my
Speaker 1: like LinkedIn profile. Yeah, all right, thanks Emma. Let us
Speaker 1: know how it goes. I will keep you posted. Jay
Speaker 1: sounds good. Nice to meet you. Bye. Nice to meet
Speaker 1: you too, Emma. Bye, Thank you. She reminds me of
Speaker 1: me when I mean totally like, what a better question
Speaker 1: to have a caller call in with. She's good, good producing, Catherine, Well,
Speaker 1: thank you. I mean this next one is pretty on
Speaker 1: the nose for you as well, Colleen. So our next
Speaker 1: caller is Ashley. She is thirty one and a stay
Speaker 1: at home mom. She says, Dear Chelsea, my mom and
Speaker 1: I have always has been very close. However, I love
Speaker 1: my independence and personal space, and she is about as
Speaker 1: codependent as they come. We talk every day on the phone,
Speaker 1: text back and forth numerous times a day, and she
Speaker 1: shows up at my house unannounced all the time. She
Speaker 1: has no boundaries and relies on my kids and I
Speaker 1: for her fulfillment in life. Sadly, my brother and only
Speaker 1: sibling passed away four years ago, which puts an even
Speaker 1: bigger burden and responsibility on me to be there for
Speaker 1: her emotionally since her partner is not at all. I
Speaker 1: know how much the daily calls and texts mean to her,
Speaker 1: but I can't help but feel super annoyed when I
Speaker 1: have to check in with her and tell her every
Speaker 1: detail of my life. So my question is am I
Speaker 1: being a bit for wanting and needing my own space
Speaker 1: when I know how much she needs me. Any help
Speaker 1: on how to navigate this relationship would be so helpful.
Speaker 1: I want to be there for her, but being married
Speaker 1: with three kids is a very busy life, and I
Speaker 1: can't help but feel that she just adds to the stress.
Speaker 1: With love Ashley, Oh, Hi, Ashley, Hi, Ashley, Hi, Hi, Hi.
Speaker 1: This is my friend Colleen. She's guess Hi Colleen. Hey, Chelsea, Hey,
Speaker 1: So tell us what's going on? So your mom is
Speaker 1: around a lot? Yeah, she is. We live only a
Speaker 1: few miles away from each other, and like I said
Speaker 1: in the letter, my brother passed away and I don't
Speaker 1: have any other siblings. So I try to be patient
Speaker 1: with her and let her over whenever she wants to come,
Speaker 1: and always stay in touch, But sometimes it's just annoying
Speaker 1: being there for her all the time. Yeah, that's a
Speaker 1: tough one because I can understand. Yeah, but I mean
Speaker 1: she I mean, how can you create boundaries now, I
Speaker 1: guess is the question right when there haven't been any before?
Speaker 1: How long have you guys lived this close to each other? Oh,
Speaker 1: we've always lived really, We've always been super tight growing up.
Speaker 1: She was a single mom. My parents got divorced when
Speaker 1: I was a baby, so we were always her. My
Speaker 1: brother and I were always really super tighten it, and
Speaker 1: she was always like the cool, fun mom. Uh. I mean,
Speaker 1: as you know, when you lose someone in your family,
Speaker 1: but it's like to just see your parents crumble. In
Speaker 1: a sense, it was different for you, I know, because
Speaker 1: you were a child at the time. But it really
Speaker 1: does just change a person. And she is very sensitive
Speaker 1: and I try to not hurt her feelings to be
Speaker 1: there for her, but sometimes it's just like I have
Speaker 1: a lot of my own ship going on, and it
Speaker 1: takes a lot out of me to take on her
Speaker 1: stress and depression, you know. Yeah, Yeah, this is such
Speaker 1: a tricky area because your mom sounds like she's you know,
Speaker 1: she's grieving too. You know, she lost her son. Even
Speaker 1: though it's four years ago. You know that doesn't ever
Speaker 1: go away for a parent. Yeah, and you're her only
Speaker 1: family and your children are her only family. So it's
Speaker 1: like you want to be sensitive and empathetic too to
Speaker 1: the fact that she that you're the only ties she has. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that's why it's like my door is always open
Speaker 1: for her, and she does totally take advantage of that.
Speaker 1: But it's like I just I like my own personal space.
Speaker 1: And I told Catherine before, like I moved out when
Speaker 1: I was eighteen, haven't been back since. We don't have
Speaker 1: the type of relationship where I've ever like relied on
Speaker 1: her for anything or depended on her to provide anything
Speaker 1: for me and my family. I've always just been a
Speaker 1: very independent person and I let her in as much
Speaker 1: as I can, knowing how much it means to her.
Speaker 1: But it really does just sometimes just suck the life
Speaker 1: out of me, knowing how much it takes to be
Speaker 1: there for her. Well, is there any other sort of
Speaker 1: configuration you can work out with her, Like, is there
Speaker 1: a a lot of time you can give her with
Speaker 1: each of the kids alone or maybe all of them together,
Speaker 1: so it's less on you and more on like you know,
Speaker 1: like what about dropping one of your children off to
Speaker 1: her for like two hours a week and they each
Speaker 1: get their one on one time with grandma, So that
Speaker 1: doesn't necessarily involve you or her being at your house,
Speaker 1: like if you frame it's or her like mom, this
Speaker 1: is for the kids. They get really jealous when you
Speaker 1: spend you know, you can make up whatever you want
Speaker 1: when you're with them all together. They all want one
Speaker 1: on one time. You know, I think this might be
Speaker 1: a great idea for both of you. You guys, you
Speaker 1: get each kid for two hours a week at your
Speaker 1: house and you do your thing with them alone, or
Speaker 1: she could take them all out without you, you know, like,
Speaker 1: is do you trust her to do that? Or is
Speaker 1: she like able bodied and everything? Yeah? Oh yeah. She
Speaker 1: is an absolutely phenomenal grandma. She's very super close to
Speaker 1: my kids, Like they do probably go over her house
Speaker 1: a couple of times a week, which is great. But
Speaker 1: it's more so the thing that gets under my skin
Speaker 1: is like when she pops over all the time unannounced.
Speaker 1: She never feels like she needs to call and say like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm around the neighborhood. You mind if I pop over?
Speaker 1: Is now a good time? It's just a sense of
Speaker 1: like she's entitled the come over whenever she wants, or
Speaker 1: like if she comes over and I'm not there, she'll
Speaker 1: call me and be like, hey, where you at, It's like,
Speaker 1: I don't know you an explanation of where I'm at.
Speaker 1: Those are more so the things that really get under
Speaker 1: my skin. It's instead of like not being there for her,
Speaker 1: I'm always there to talk and all that, but it's
Speaker 1: just like the sense of me owing her all these
Speaker 1: explanations about my personal life when I just it's like,
Speaker 1: I'm an adult. I'm thirty one years old. I shouldn't
Speaker 1: be needed to check in with you every single day.
Speaker 1: It's almost like when she calls when I how I
Speaker 1: told you earlier, when she says, just doing my daily
Speaker 1: check in, it's like that's that's not necessary. And whenever
Speaker 1: she's like, hey, what are you doing, it's always the
Speaker 1: same thing. Nothing new, nothing new because I just talked
Speaker 1: to you yesterday. It's like if we went more than
Speaker 1: a few days without talking to each other, then I
Speaker 1: would have more to fill her in on and vice versa.
Speaker 1: But it's like she already knows every aspect of my
Speaker 1: life that it's like I just have to go with
Speaker 1: it just because I know that maybe what she needs
Speaker 1: now in the moment, it's just it's off to someone.
Speaker 1: They're trying not to let it annoy me. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: agree with Chelsea that there is a conversation that has
Speaker 1: to happen, and putting some parameters, like whatever that signal
Speaker 1: is in place might be might be really helpful. So
Speaker 1: maybe it's like, hey, mom, like the kids are back
Speaker 1: in school now, schedules have changed, and we really need
Speaker 1: to kind of know what to expect each day. So
Speaker 1: you know what, if the light is on on the
Speaker 1: front porch, like, feel free to come on in. If
Speaker 1: it's not, we might just need some family time or
Speaker 1: have a busy school work night that night, or you know,
Speaker 1: whatever stage your kids are in, put it on something else.
Speaker 1: Things are changing because of X y Z. The world's
Speaker 1: kind of getting back to normal, and so we need
Speaker 1: to have a little bit of family time. That's just
Speaker 1: our nuclear not nuclear nucule I'm usually yes. My parents
Speaker 1: actually they have a place in in Phoenix where they
Speaker 1: live half the year, and then they just sold my
Speaker 1: childhood home this last year, and so they've spent a
Speaker 1: few weeks living in what we call the suite at
Speaker 1: my sister's house. They've got their own bedroom with a
Speaker 1: bathroom and all that nice stuff. But when they are
Speaker 1: fun with the kids popping in, I have teenage niece
Speaker 1: and nephew on that side. They'll leave the door open
Speaker 1: and when the door is open, the kids can come
Speaker 1: in talk about their day. But when they close the door,
Speaker 1: the kids know like grandma and Grandpa are not ready
Speaker 1: to chat, or they're having coffee together, or they're doing whatever,
Speaker 1: and so it's sort of their signal. But yeah, maybe
Speaker 1: there's some sort of a signal. And maybe it's also
Speaker 1: like we're going to do this and have the light
Speaker 1: on sometimes and have the light off sometimes, but we're
Speaker 1: also going to do game night every Sunday. So it's
Speaker 1: that sort of like creating a compromise before you even
Speaker 1: need to. Yeah, how old are your children? Six and one? Okay,
Speaker 1: well then you can totally pin it on them anyway,
Speaker 1: you know, right right right? She has such a help
Speaker 1: when she takes them, yeah eight, So I mean take
Speaker 1: advantage of the fact that she wants to take them
Speaker 1: and maybe lean in on that because that's a moment
Speaker 1: for you to be okay, some alone time. Yeah, maybe
Speaker 1: made into that and she's not. You know, setting up
Speaker 1: boundaries sounds like, oh, it's gonna be a conversation. It's
Speaker 1: gonna have hurt feelings, and it always does. But eventually,
Speaker 1: after the initial wear and tear of a conversation like that,
Speaker 1: it invokes respect in the relationship and both sides, you know,
Speaker 1: because people start to understand, oh, it's not just a
Speaker 1: free for all. I can't just show up because you know,
Speaker 1: if my best friend said to me, you can't stop you.
Speaker 1: I need you to call before you start coming over,
Speaker 1: I'd be like, wait, what I thought we had an
Speaker 1: understanding like I would feelings would be hurt. Oh sorry,
Speaker 1: my feelings would be hurt. My back is all fucked up,
Speaker 1: so I can't sit still. I'm just like, I don't
Speaker 1: want you to think I'm masturbating during this call. I
Speaker 1: know it's a sexy subject, but feelings are hurt. But like,
Speaker 1: people do respect boundaries, so you just want to draw
Speaker 1: them lightly, put it out there in a certain way,
Speaker 1: like I want to be around the family, I love
Speaker 1: you to pieces, I'm noticing I'm needing a little bit
Speaker 1: more alone time, and so the nicest way you can
Speaker 1: say that and figure out the ways to get that
Speaker 1: alone time while maybe sometimes you're also providing her with
Speaker 1: time with the children. You know, it sounds like a
Speaker 1: good compromise. And then and you know what Catherine said.
Speaker 1: I mean, Colleen, you haven't chipped in yet or chimed
Speaker 1: in yet. Do you have anything you want to I
Speaker 1: agree a lot with what Catherine said. I think that
Speaker 1: you need to carve out time. I like the idea
Speaker 1: of actually having the conversation with your mom and just
Speaker 1: say maybe you even say, you know, this day and
Speaker 1: this day, we're busy with this. How about you come over,
Speaker 1: like she said, on Sunday for family game night, or
Speaker 1: you just make it certain days. I mean, I'm I'm
Speaker 1: super close with my family and I talked to them
Speaker 1: every single day and there are yeah, there are days
Speaker 1: I have nothing to say and it's just and I
Speaker 1: tell them I got nothing for you today. But you
Speaker 1: know what, it's about hearing their voice and and connecting
Speaker 1: with them because they need it as much as you do.
Speaker 1: And you're so lucky to have your mom be here,
Speaker 1: and one day she won't be And so for me,
Speaker 1: I'm getting emotional and I'm sorry, but um, she's been
Speaker 1: crying the whole episode, so I don't worry about it.
Speaker 1: My parents are here for two months visiting me, and
Speaker 1: it's such a blessing. And I try to see them
Speaker 1: every single day for some time, and they know they
Speaker 1: have boundaries and they're like, you guys, have your family time.
Speaker 1: We'll see you tomorrow. We're gonna we're gonna do our
Speaker 1: own thing today. And I really appreciate that because it does.
Speaker 1: It takes the pressure off of me. They know, you know,
Speaker 1: So if your mom's not really getting the hint, you know,
Speaker 1: have a conversation with her, just tell her how much
Speaker 1: you love her and you love seeing her, but you
Speaker 1: need some time. I mean, I'm a mom too, and
Speaker 1: it's hard and you need some alone time. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: even if it's just you and your kids, you need
Speaker 1: just you and your kids sometimes, just so I get it.
Speaker 1: So just be gentle with her. She sounds like a
Speaker 1: lovely woman. She is, and I do love her so much.
Speaker 1: And I felt so guilty even writing this submission. I
Speaker 1: felt like I was like going behind her back and
Speaker 1: betray or even just talking about her like this, because
Speaker 1: she is an amazing woman and we always have been
Speaker 1: so tight, and like I know, she's not here forever,
Speaker 1: and and she loves to remind me of that too.
Speaker 1: She'll say, you'll miss me one day. I'm like, I know,
Speaker 1: I know, but it's like you said, I think it's
Speaker 1: a good idea to just come at her in like
Speaker 1: a loving way, in a calm way, instead of kind
Speaker 1: of you're annoying me. Give me, because if you dont
Speaker 1: want to address it, it might come out that way.
Speaker 1: You know, it's good, And it has in the past
Speaker 1: where I have tried to address it and I have
Speaker 1: kind of like snapped a little bit, and she will
Speaker 1: like it does hurt her feelings. And you can think
Speaker 1: of just real quick, one time in particular, off the
Speaker 1: top of my head, I had just had a baby
Speaker 1: and my son was like five days old, and she
Speaker 1: just kept showing up and I'm like, mom, you've been
Speaker 1: here six times in the last five days, like I'm
Speaker 1: trying to figure out how to breastfeed. Our sleep schedules
Speaker 1: are completely all over the place, Like please just call
Speaker 1: before you come, and she just started crying. It's like okay, okay,
Speaker 1: oh God, that conversation didn't go the way I hoped,
Speaker 1: Like I just made her cry. She left, Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: another way to also go at it is to just
Speaker 1: blame yourself. I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed lately. I'm feeling irritable lately.
Speaker 1: I'm feeling like I need some more space. So if
Speaker 1: you can help me through this time by giving me
Speaker 1: a little bit of extra space and a little bit
Speaker 1: of a more alone time, I'd be so appreciative. You know,
Speaker 1: if you come at it like it's your issue, that
Speaker 1: is a really good, that's really good angle tof com
Speaker 1: come into conversation like that because it is me. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah it is. I mean, listen, everyone annoys the fucking
Speaker 1: ship out of me. So you don't have to tell
Speaker 1: me twice about your mother coming over too often. I
Speaker 1: don't have I get it, I get it. But thank you.
Speaker 1: I thought you would. That's why I wrote in I'm
Speaker 1: like you. You get it from all angles. You've experienced loss,
Speaker 1: and you also seem like the type of person that
Speaker 1: does like your own personal space. So I really appreciate
Speaker 1: your advice. Well, good luck, Ashley. Let us know how
Speaker 1: it goes. Thanks. I will and I absolutely love your book.
Speaker 1: Life Will Be the Death of Me has helped me
Speaker 1: out so much. Thank you so much for everything you
Speaker 1: put out into the world. It really does help. Oh, thanks, Ashley,
Speaker 1: I appreciate that. Welcome. You're welcome. Thank you, take care
Speaker 1: you too. Bye bye. All of our callers are always
Speaker 1: so cool. Yeah, they're cool. They're cute there, I love it,
Speaker 1: so nice, normal, they're not fucking weirdos, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. Well, a couple of times, but usually those
Speaker 1: are men. Yeah, yeah, we try to avoid those. We
Speaker 1: are going to take a quick break so you can
Speaker 1: hear and add and then we'll be right back. So
Speaker 1: our next question comes from Caitlin. Caitlin says, Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 1: my eight year old daughter determined that the way for
Speaker 1: her to do whatever the funk she wants is to
Speaker 1: respond with I forgot you told me not to do that,
Speaker 1: or I didn't hear you say that. Engaging with her
Speaker 1: and entertaining her lame excuses is out of the question
Speaker 1: because I know it's all bullshit and I won't pretend otherwise.
Speaker 1: I want to wrap up these shenanigans without opening the
Speaker 1: conversation up for an argument. How would you handle the
Speaker 1: nieces and nephews that you've been saddled with if they
Speaker 1: tried to pull this ship. A five milligram gummy with
Speaker 1: a margarita definitely helps, but I appreciate any additional advice
Speaker 1: you can provide. Cheers, Caitlin. I think anytime she says
Speaker 1: anything like that, I didn't hear you, I don't remember
Speaker 1: you telling me that, then something there's a punishment that
Speaker 1: goes along with that because she wasn't paying attention or
Speaker 1: she's conveniently forgetting. So there has to be a repercussion
Speaker 1: for any time she says that, right, like whether it's
Speaker 1: screen time. Well it's eight years old, so I don't
Speaker 1: know if she's got a phone yet or what, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I nipped that in the bud right now. How she's eleven?
Speaker 1: And have you ever had to deal with this kind
Speaker 1: of thing? Yeah? Yeah, it is hard. It is hard
Speaker 1: because yeah, she'll say things and I know that she's
Speaker 1: not telling the truth, or it drives you nuts because
Speaker 1: you're like, no, you're I know, you're not telling the truth.
Speaker 1: I know, I know, you know. But there has to
Speaker 1: be repercussions for everything. There has to be. I mean,
Speaker 1: there was one time she was forgetting her jacket at school.
Speaker 1: She forget a lot of things, but this is just
Speaker 1: an example, but forgetting her jacket at school every day
Speaker 1: every day, and we'd lose jackets, they'd be gone, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, we can't keep buying you jackets. And it
Speaker 1: was just like, okay, well, you know what, the next
Speaker 1: time you forget it, you're gonna give me your phone
Speaker 1: for the day, and doesn't forget her jacket anymore. That
Speaker 1: was easy, you know. I mean, there has to be
Speaker 1: repercussions for things. So it's either if she has a
Speaker 1: phone that needs to be taken away with her anytime
Speaker 1: she forgets something or she doesn't hear something, then you
Speaker 1: can take away your phone. If she doesn't have a phone,
Speaker 1: make it screen time. I'm sure she loves the most.
Speaker 1: Whatever you take away, it's got to be a little
Speaker 1: bit hurtful. It's got to hurt a little bit. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: take it away, take a couple of hours away at night,
Speaker 1: or take it away altogether. I mean, I'm all about that,
Speaker 1: But you know, parents are so scared of their children
Speaker 1: not on screen time anymore. Like, okay, I'd take it
Speaker 1: away completely. What will they do. I'm like, well, I
Speaker 1: don't know what the funk we did, which was not
Speaker 1: be on our screens, but Yeah, you have to instill
Speaker 1: Like I mean, she's doing that because she can get
Speaker 1: away with it, So stop letting her get away with it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: problem solved. Okay, and our last email comes from Darla.
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea. I'm a forty three year old single mother
Speaker 1: of two. I recently had a third child as a surrogate.
Speaker 1: Well before that, I was married in a loveless, sexless
Speaker 1: marror of ten years, and in between the marriage and
Speaker 1: the surrogacy, I was in a five year relationship with
Speaker 1: a struggling musician. Before I met the musician, I had
Speaker 1: never really enjoyed sex. When we came together, I was
Speaker 1: in my late thirties and had the first of many, many,
Speaker 1: many orgasms with that guy. I really feel like he
Speaker 1: saved me, and I feel like he was my true
Speaker 1: first love. As much as he says he wanted me
Speaker 1: and the kids to be his family, he never really
Speaker 1: blended well when we were all four together. I've always
Speaker 1: struggled with low self esteem, but I feel like I've
Speaker 1: overcome that to a large degree simply by getting older.
Speaker 1: But now, after having had three vaginal births and tearing
Speaker 1: pretty much the whole caslapis in this last delivery and
Speaker 1: completely wrecking my breasts with nursing and pumping. Think rocks
Speaker 1: and socks. Do I go back to the guy who
Speaker 1: I know isn't right but loves me and accepts my
Speaker 1: body we have unreal sexual chemistry. Or do I roll
Speaker 1: the dice and maybe go online for dating. I've never
Speaker 1: done that, By the way, I definitely want to partner,
Speaker 1: not casual random sex. Thanks Darla. I thought you said
Speaker 1: she's had her third child with a surrogate. She was
Speaker 1: the surrogate. Oh, she was a surrogate for someone else. Yes,
Speaker 1: so she's has two of her own children, okay, not three? Okay.
Speaker 1: So she's asking if she should go back to the
Speaker 1: guy that she has great sex with right but like
Speaker 1: not doesn't really jell with her with the family, or
Speaker 1: whether she should go online and find she should go
Speaker 1: and find someone else. She's got to find someone that
Speaker 1: accepts her family. I think he well, yeah, ay, and yeah,
Speaker 1: you have to find somebody who's like perfect all the
Speaker 1: way around, and he's got all the qualities that you're
Speaker 1: looking for, not one of them. Sexual chemistry is only
Speaker 1: one component of a relationship. Don't settle. We've been talking
Speaker 1: about this NonStop. Do not settle for anything less than
Speaker 1: what you deserve, and you decide what you deserve. And
Speaker 1: if you think that that's all you deserve is a
Speaker 1: good sexual chemistry partner, then then that's all you're gonna get.
Speaker 1: But I would say to set your standards a little
Speaker 1: bit higher and desire someone that's going to come in
Speaker 1: except your family for what it is and how many
Speaker 1: people there are, and be able to contribute in a
Speaker 1: meaningful way. Maybe they'll even have some family of their
Speaker 1: own that they're bringing to the table. And don't settle
Speaker 1: until you find exactly what you're looking for. Also, the
Speaker 1: language that she uses around her body like that, to
Speaker 1: me is like thing number one to deal with. Like,
Speaker 1: obviously this other guy thinks you're crazy hot. Someone else
Speaker 1: will think you're crazy hot. But I think you've got
Speaker 1: to fix some of the stuff that's going on inside
Speaker 1: and what happens when you look at yourself in the mirror,
Speaker 1: because I mean saying like, oh, my my breasts are
Speaker 1: rocks and stocks, like it just hurts my heart for her, Like,
Speaker 1: do some looking in the mirror and talking to yourself
Speaker 1: about how beautiful you are, even if it feels cringe
Speaker 1: e and fake and bullshit at the beginning. Do it.
Speaker 1: It will change the way you see yourself, Like get
Speaker 1: giggly and excited when you look at your yourself, even
Speaker 1: if it feels like lying to yourself, be like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I look amazing today. There is something that
Speaker 1: it does in your psyche that when you do start
Speaker 1: dating again, people are going to be so attracted to
Speaker 1: that that like positive radiant energy you have because you're
Speaker 1: psyched about yourself and they'll be psyched about you too.
Speaker 1: Confidence is everything, too, have confidence in yourself and and
Speaker 1: know who you are. And yeah, don't settle, don't go back,
Speaker 1: look forward, look for someone new. Also, yeah, I sorry
Speaker 1: I skipped over that, Katherine. Thank you for bringing that though,
Speaker 1: Like it does feel like the timing isn't necessarily right
Speaker 1: for you to be like that to be your sole
Speaker 1: mode of operation is finding a man. Maybe you should
Speaker 1: spend a little bit more time with yourself and your girls,
Speaker 1: Like you've been through a lot. You just had another
Speaker 1: baby for somebody else, Like that's a lot, So I
Speaker 1: think you should take a time out and like reinvest
Speaker 1: yourself and yourself and your girls and your family or sorry,
Speaker 1: I don't know. If you have boys or girls, but
Speaker 1: in your family and and yeah, find the value in
Speaker 1: yourself and do a little inside work before you start
Speaker 1: to look for you know, another external factor to bring
Speaker 1: into your family dynamic. Yeah that's really good. Well fill
Speaker 1: us in. Let us know how it goes, Starla, keep
Speaker 1: us posted. Yeah, let us know. Well, let us know
Speaker 1: what develops and what doesn't develop. Yes, well, let's take
Speaker 1: a quick break and we'll be back with Colleen and Chelsea. Okay,
Speaker 1: we're back from our break. Colleen and I were gonna
Speaker 1: have a snack, but she's not eating anything bad, so
Speaker 1: we didn't have one. And now we're here we're just
Speaker 1: having water. Yeah, it's so great. How many meals do
Speaker 1: you have a day? Three? Or do you allow yourself? Okay,
Speaker 1: this is I'm going to tell people what I eat
Speaker 1: because a lot of people have been contacting me on
Speaker 1: Instagram and stuff asking what I'm just gonna tell you
Speaker 1: what I eat for breakfast, I have two hard boiled eggs.
Speaker 1: That's it. For lunch, I have chicken salad. I make
Speaker 1: chicken salad with a little mayo, and I eat Keto bread,
Speaker 1: so I make like a little Keto sandwich. That's lunch
Speaker 1: and then I eat a Keto bar from Costco. It's
Speaker 1: like a little chocolate keto bar, and I have that
Speaker 1: in between, and then for dinner, I have the Factor
Speaker 1: meal or I go to CPIK and get my special
Speaker 1: salad that I get at c p K. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't eat out all that often. My husband and
Speaker 1: I are both on this diet, so we're you know,
Speaker 1: but yeah, that's pretty much what I eat, and so yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't cheat. If I cheat, it's a keto dessert.
Speaker 1: So Colleen, Yes, we also love when our guests ask
Speaker 1: for a piece of advice from Chelsea. So is there
Speaker 1: anything you'd like to ask Chelsea about? Well, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: ask Chelsea a question about health because I really admire
Speaker 1: and now she has Ben Bruno. You've got a trainer.
Speaker 1: I don't have that, but but I your body's a
Speaker 1: main thing. Thank you and your pictures in your bikinis.
Speaker 1: I I'm like, okay, my goal. I've never worn a
Speaker 1: bikini ever ever, so my goal is to look good
Speaker 1: in a bikini. It doesn't have to be perfect. But
Speaker 1: I got the pooch still, I had a baby, I
Speaker 1: have the belly. I want to know how I can
Speaker 1: tone my stomach. What exercises I can do at home
Speaker 1: to just give me. I hate sit ups? I hate them,
Speaker 1: so please don't tell me sit ups. But something I
Speaker 1: don't know what to do to tone the stomach muscles,
Speaker 1: to make me. You know, I don't have any definition yet,
Speaker 1: So okay, I will tell you what I what my
Speaker 1: experience has been. I with your diet that you're eating,
Speaker 1: I don't know how long you go without eating food.
Speaker 1: Is it like three to four hours or is it
Speaker 1: five to six? Like? What is it? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm like two hours, I'll eat, I'll eat a bar.
Speaker 1: So okay, So I would say to try this every
Speaker 1: so when I get my leanness, Like if I have
Speaker 1: a photo shoot, this is what I do. I eat
Speaker 1: and then I set my alarm and in between three
Speaker 1: you have to wait three to four hours and then
Speaker 1: I eat again. It could be something small, it could
Speaker 1: be a full meal, whatever, but every three to four
Speaker 1: hours to feed your body is how you get the
Speaker 1: remaining last five pounds off. And you don't have to
Speaker 1: do sit ups because as soon as your ribs, like
Speaker 1: as soon as I start doing that, my fat just starts.
Speaker 1: Because you need the fat to burn the fat, right,
Speaker 1: so you can't deprive yourself a fat. So what you're doing,
Speaker 1: your plan is working. But I would just say time it.
Speaker 1: Don't eat every two hours, eat every three to four
Speaker 1: hours with student wherever you're hungry between those three to
Speaker 1: four hours, and see if that makes a difference, because
Speaker 1: that's a way to kick start your metabolism. And that's
Speaker 1: to have to get ready for anything, okay, because there's
Speaker 1: like that last you know, five pounds and it's and
Speaker 1: I have I've had a baby, whatever, but I mean
Speaker 1: it's I'm not bikini ready yet, so I would like to,
Speaker 1: you know, put on my bikini too and feel good
Speaker 1: in it. Us feel good. And even if you're not
Speaker 1: hungry with the three or fours, I know you will
Speaker 1: because you eat pretty consistently, right, Like if you need
Speaker 1: to split it up, Like the more you can do
Speaker 1: that throughout the day, the more meals you can have,
Speaker 1: the better. Like five small meals is better than four
Speaker 1: small meals because it just keeps burning your fat and
Speaker 1: it gets in there to those areas that are hard
Speaker 1: to lose. So yeah, I'm doing it right now. And
Speaker 1: I mean I can already tell I've lost body fat
Speaker 1: and I've been doing it. It It takes you'll see a
Speaker 1: difference in four or five days. But I wanted to
Speaker 1: hear what happens with that with the diet thing too.
Speaker 1: So you'll see a post and I'm keen and I'll
Speaker 1: tell you, yeah, exactly Fitness for Life Chelsea Hammer. Well,
Speaker 1: do you want to plug any socials or anything? Colleen?
Speaker 1: That's fine, Colleen, What am I? I don't even know.
Speaker 1: She tried to get the handle dumb dumb. She's like,
Speaker 1: I'm not on Instagram or anything, and she's like, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna get the handle, dumb dumb on Instagram. Colleen underscore Saragosa.
Speaker 1: There you go. There you go. You can follow me
Speaker 1: there or ask me any questions and I'll get back
Speaker 1: to you. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you.
Speaker 1: This was so much fun, so much fun. I'm so
Speaker 1: glad you came. Thank you, Colleen, Thank you, Gathrie. Where's
Speaker 1: Joe Koy because I need to meet him here. Oh
Speaker 1: my goodness, I said, I need to shake the hand
Speaker 1: of the man. Okay, stand up dates. I have Winnipeg
Speaker 1: coming up March tenth and March eleventh. There are still
Speaker 1: tickets to the second show, which I believe the second
Speaker 1: show was added on the tenth. Yes, we have two
Speaker 1: shows coming up in Toronto March twelve. You can get
Speaker 1: tickets to the late show still for that, and then
Speaker 1: I'm going to Ottawa, and then I picked back up
Speaker 1: in Cedar, Rapids, Des Moines and Omaha April fourteen fift
Speaker 1: and then every weekend and through July. So pick your
Speaker 1: tickets up, go buy them at Chelsea hand the dot
Speaker 1: com and you'll see me on my People's Choice Award
Speaker 1: winning comedy tour, the best tour of one and even
Speaker 1: though it's I consider it to be the best tour
Speaker 1: of two as well. Thank you also for tickets to
Speaker 1: Vancouver and Calgary. I really apologize for all the changing
Speaker 1: of dates, but now the Grammys have been rescheduled for
Speaker 1: the day that I was going to reschedule my Vancouver dates.
Speaker 1: And I don't get nominated for Grammys very often people,
Speaker 1: so I have to go to those. So we are
Speaker 1: rescheduling again the Vancouver and Calgary dates. They are most
Speaker 1: likely to be rescheduled in August. But you can always
Speaker 1: check my website we will update or Instagram or Twitter.
Speaker 1: We updated all the time and as soon as we
Speaker 1: have those dates locked in, you will hear about it,
Speaker 1: so my apologies and any tickets you have will be
Speaker 1: honored for those new rescheduled dates. And if you like
Speaker 1: to get advice from Chelsea and one of her guests,
Speaker 1: please write into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com