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Speaker 1: Oh hello everybody. Hi, Hi Katherine, Hi, how are you Chelsea? Well,

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Speaker 1: I'm we're gonna get started right away today with our

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Speaker 1: very special guests because she has a lot to say,

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Speaker 1: she has a lot on her mind. This has been

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Speaker 1: a very very long time in the making. She has

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Speaker 1: had a long time to reflect on our relationship. This

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Speaker 1: is a non traditional guest. I'm going to introduce her

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Speaker 1: with the intro that she gave me, which is she

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Speaker 1: is a wife, a mother of two, and a survivor

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Speaker 1: of living with Chelsea Handler. Her name is Colleen Saragosa

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Speaker 1: and she was my roommate in Brentwood on Barrington six

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Speaker 1: or five South Barrington. Whoa yep, yea for I don't

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Speaker 1: know how many years do we live together. We lived

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Speaker 1: together for three okay, three years we lived together. I

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Speaker 1: was in my early mid twenties. I was twenty three

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Speaker 1: to twenty six, so you're a little younger than so

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Speaker 1: I must have been. Well, maybe I was like nineteen

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Speaker 1: to twenty one. In my book I wrote that you

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Speaker 1: were a twenty eight year old virgin? Was that a lie?

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Speaker 1: Let's just jump right in. Okay, Hi to Colleen Saragosa.

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Speaker 1: Hi college, Oh my god, Colleen and I were texting

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Speaker 1: the other day. I said, you know, it would be funny.

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Speaker 1: You should come on my podcast and you can tell

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Speaker 1: all the horror stories about what it was like to

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Speaker 1: live with me. And She's like, I would love nothing more.

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Speaker 1: I'm ready, I'm ready. I'm finally ready. I've had twenty

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Speaker 1: years to digest what it was like to be attached

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Speaker 1: to you for three years and she's just coming out

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Speaker 1: of the fog and wait. So but back off to

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Speaker 1: the most recent time I ran into you, which was

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Speaker 1: like four or five years ago. Four years ago, okay,

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Speaker 1: four years ago. I was in Brentwood, at the top

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Speaker 1: of Brentwood. You were in Starbucks and I was walking

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Speaker 1: my little girl, she was what two at the time

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Speaker 1: I was walking and we haven't seen each other. We

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Speaker 1: mind you. I'll get into the story because I'm sure

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Speaker 1: everyone wants to know the story of Chelsea and how

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Speaker 1: I survived living with her, because it wasn't an easy feat.

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Speaker 1: I needed tons of therapy after that. But anyway, we

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Speaker 1: hadn't seen each other in seventeen years. I harbored a

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Speaker 1: lot of bad feelings towards her. I'm also known as

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Speaker 1: dumb Dumb dumb dumb in my book My Horizontal Life, Yes,

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Speaker 1: my Horizontal Life. I wrote a book and I talked

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Speaker 1: about someone I named her dumb dumb and that was

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Speaker 1: named after I can laugh about it now, I can.

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Speaker 1: I can. I I was upset for so many years

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Speaker 1: and I actually asked a mutual friend of ours and

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Speaker 1: I went to her in tears and I said, in

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Speaker 1: my dumb dumb I need to know, and she said yes,

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Speaker 1: and I was just like wow, Wow, I was so mad.

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Speaker 1: I was so mad, and it's taken a lot of

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Speaker 1: time and and I'm a different person now. And anyway,

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Speaker 1: fast forward to a few years ago. I ran into

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Speaker 1: her at Starbucks and I walked past her and I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: there's Chelsea. Do I stop? Do I stop and say anything?

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, no, don't. So I walked past her,

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Speaker 1: and then on the way back, I was like, you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm gonna I'm gonna stop. And I stopped

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Speaker 1: and I said hi, and she stood up and she

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Speaker 1: hugged me hm and and she had tears in her eyes. Sorry,

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Speaker 1: I'm emotional all the time, all the time. It's very

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Speaker 1: welcome here, and it was it was why it was

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Speaker 1: so hard to live together because she's always emotional and

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Speaker 1: I have no emotion. And she made me cry all

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Speaker 1: the time. All the time. I was the butt of

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Speaker 1: every joke. Yes, so anyway, I she hugged me and

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Speaker 1: she said, can you sit down for a second. I

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Speaker 1: said sure, So we sat down and and um, I said,

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Speaker 1: am I dumb? Dumb? And she said yes you are?

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Speaker 1: Are you pissed? And I was like, I've been pissed

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Speaker 1: for a really long time, but you know I'm over it.

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Speaker 1: I'm over it now. And um, she said, I was

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Speaker 1: a real bitch to you, wasn't I? And I said, yes,

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Speaker 1: you were, and she said I'm sorry. And that was

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Speaker 1: the first time I was like, wow, I think Chelsea

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Speaker 1: has changed. I think Chelsea has gotten a lot of therapy.

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Speaker 1: And I really felt that she was sorry for the

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Speaker 1: hell that she put me through for those three years

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Speaker 1: because it was it was. Man. I want to meet

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Speaker 1: Joe Koy. I want to shake his hands, because the

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Speaker 1: man I can put up with her bullshit deserves a

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Speaker 1: freaking metal. Let me just say, first of all, he's adorable,

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Speaker 1: he's funny. The two of you together are on fire,

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Speaker 1: and I I am so happy for you. Because you

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Speaker 1: have found what is most important in this world, and um,

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Speaker 1: and it is. I mean, I'm married, I have a family.

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Speaker 1: It's totally changed who I am and made me see

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Speaker 1: what's important in life. And um, yeah, we have lots

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Speaker 1: of stories to share. When we got together, so we

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Speaker 1: waited tables together at a couple of places, at Judy's,

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Speaker 1: Daly and on muscowna what establishment that I was fired

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Speaker 1: from when we found out he was basically stealing from us.

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Speaker 1: Remember we were getting paid, we were getting paid under

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Speaker 1: the table. And then on top of that, I called

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Speaker 1: and I reported him so that he had to legally

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Speaker 1: pay us, but he would pay us and make us

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Speaker 1: reimburse him for the payment that he would give us

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Speaker 1: because he thought we were making too much money at

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Speaker 1: a restaurants. The worst part is is that he ended

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Speaker 1: up thinking we were stealing from him, so he put

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Speaker 1: cameras up all around the restaurant and he was videotaping us.

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Speaker 1: And I just remember Chelsea one day just she was

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Speaker 1: so pissed that the cameras were up and she just

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Speaker 1: went flipping the birds of the camera and she just left.

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Speaker 1: That was it. So we ended up moving because I

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Speaker 1: ended up leaving too, and I found a place in

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Speaker 1: the Palisades, Pacific Palisades, not a place to live. We

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Speaker 1: lived in brent but she found a job in the

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Speaker 1: Pacific Palisades. And then you brought me to that judge.

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Speaker 1: By the way, I lived in Brentwood for years, is

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Speaker 1: in that apartment. My husband had to drag me out

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Speaker 1: because I love that apartment so much, the same apartment

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Speaker 1: that she and I, Colleen and I lived in when

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Speaker 1: I we were in our early twenties. I didn't realize

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Speaker 1: you were twenty three through six, so I must have

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Speaker 1: been yeah, twenty to twenty three because we were super young,

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Speaker 1: young and I was younger than you. Okay, so anyway,

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Speaker 1: we we So then we got a job in the Palisades.

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Speaker 1: We worked at that together. So when we ran into

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Speaker 1: each other four years ago, I was like, what are

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Speaker 1: you doing here? And she's like, I still live in

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Speaker 1: the apartment that we lived and I go, what if

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Speaker 1: I hadn't met my husband, I would be there till

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Speaker 1: I die because I loved that apartment so much. I

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Speaker 1: mean it is it was like Melrose Place to me.

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Speaker 1: I I it was awesome. And she's like, my daughter

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Speaker 1: lives in your room. I'm like, shut the fuck up.

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Speaker 1: She's like, yes, my daughter lives in her room in

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Speaker 1: your room, and my husband and I still live in

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Speaker 1: that apartment. I could not wrap my head around that.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I cannot believe you're still there. I know

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Speaker 1: it was awesome. I'm glad that you moved out, though,

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Speaker 1: because that was you know, that is very you to

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Speaker 1: stick with something for years. Well, that's the thing I do.

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Speaker 1: I get very comfortable. And I mean I waited tables

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Speaker 1: at the same place in the Palisades for fifteen years.

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Speaker 1: I mean I loved it. I mean it was a

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Speaker 1: great job. I mean I was a struggling actress, but

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Speaker 1: I that's what I did for my living. I waited tables.

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Speaker 1: But it was more than just that. It was I

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Speaker 1: met so many people there that just made my life

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Speaker 1: so happy, and it was it was awesome. She, on

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Speaker 1: the other hand, is the worst waitress of all time,

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Speaker 1: of all time, and I got her the job there,

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Speaker 1: and so she started working there. But she would, I

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Speaker 1: mean her and I would be the only waitresses there,

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Speaker 1: and she would go up to people. This is I'm

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Speaker 1: going to tell a story, a true story. Someone ordered

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Speaker 1: something they called her over they were they had a

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Speaker 1: problem with it, they didn't like and she goes, too

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Speaker 1: fucking bad, you ordered it, eat it, and walked away.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, oh my god, so I'm the

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Speaker 1: one that had to go, and you know, I'm so sorry.

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Speaker 1: And Coleen was like the best waitress of all time,

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Speaker 1: Like she was in a fucking great mood. Every customer

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Speaker 1: wanted to sit in her section. Everyone who come in

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Speaker 1: and would see her, they'd be like, oh my god, Calle,

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Speaker 1: it's here. I'd be like, great, you fucking take everybody.

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Speaker 1: They all fucking love you. I'll just run the food out,

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Speaker 1: but I have to tell you. And I was trying

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Speaker 1: to find it because it was so funny. Terry, the owner,

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Speaker 1: actually gave me a letter that was given to her

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Speaker 1: by a customer, and I'm telling you, it was like

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Speaker 1: three pages long about the service that she got from

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Speaker 1: Chelsea anyway. It was awful. And Terry was like, look,

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Speaker 1: I know that you you sometimes and I wasn't even

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Speaker 1: in contact with you at this time, but she was like,

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Speaker 1: I think that you probably would like to hold onto this.

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Speaker 1: And it got lost in the shuffles some It's somewhere.

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Speaker 1: I'll find it, but it is unbelievable the service that

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Speaker 1: you gave, how terrible it is, how you should never

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Speaker 1: be allowed to set foot in this restaurant. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, wow, I mean you were just bad. I

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Speaker 1: had no interest in waiting tables. It was simply a

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Speaker 1: means to an end until I could support myself in

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Speaker 1: other ways. Yeah. Yeah, I mean as soon as she

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Speaker 1: got her first development deal, she was like, I'm done.

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Speaker 1: I will never wait tables again. As soon as I

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Speaker 1: got my first, like the smallest thing, like I got

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Speaker 1: a guest star role on the Practice, and I I

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Speaker 1: just thought, because I didn't know anything about how much

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Speaker 1: money you'd make, I was like, oh, I'll just retire,

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Speaker 1: like this is it, Like I'm now going to be

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Speaker 1: a successful person. And then I realized, oh, it's like

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Speaker 1: ten thousand dollars, you know, for the year. And I'm like, oh, well,

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Speaker 1: wait a second, I'm gonna need to supplement this with

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Speaker 1: some other stuff. But in the beginning, you're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I got a job, I could quit everything. But anyway,

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Speaker 1: so okay. So we moved in together, and Colleen, who

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Speaker 1: I described in my I was very much fast and loose.

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Speaker 1: I was out and about meeting men hooking up left

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Speaker 1: and right, and Colleen was putting on her pajamas at

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Speaker 1: eight o'clock. Well, first she puts on her bad Bath

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Speaker 1: and Body Works lotion for an hour and a half.

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Speaker 1: She's the one who tap to lubricate. I've never seen

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Speaker 1: anyone lubricate as much as this girl. She has never

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Speaker 1: had an ounce of dry skin. Well but maybe after

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Speaker 1: a baby, but not before she would put on Bath

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Speaker 1: and Body Works lotion. She would go. Plumria was one

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Speaker 1: of her favorites. Remember that because I remember all the

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Speaker 1: sense because I still the shower because of you. I

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Speaker 1: used the Pair one because they come out with new

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Speaker 1: flavors all the time, you know, so some of them

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Speaker 1: are superior to the previous ones. Plumya, I remember this.

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Speaker 1: And she would just and she had these long French

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Speaker 1: manicured nails, and she would sit on the couch and

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Speaker 1: she loved her shows. She just wanted to She just

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Speaker 1: wanted to like come home and snuggle, you know, with herself. Basically.

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Speaker 1: I mean she wanted to meet a guy, because you

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Speaker 1: had crushes on various people. But I didn't go out.

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Speaker 1: I was like a herm. I loved being home. I'm

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Speaker 1: a homebody, and I just loved the apartment. I love,

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Speaker 1: I loved it. And she loved activities, like she liked

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Speaker 1: to get her nails done, she liked to go to work,

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Speaker 1: like she was very bounced see about all the things

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Speaker 1: that she had going on, you know, But all of

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Speaker 1: those things were interests that I never had. You know.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't looping up at night with lotion. I remember

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Speaker 1: the smells that stayed with me forever. But I would

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Speaker 1: always be like, don't you want to go out, like,

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Speaker 1: let's go meet people, And she'd like, she just didn't

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Speaker 1: want to write, Yeah, that's just not your person. I

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Speaker 1: just didn't want to go out. I mean I didn't

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Speaker 1: want to go. I didn't want to leave you apart.

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Speaker 1: We go to CPK to get our I still go

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Speaker 1: to my daughter's restaurant. We go every Sunday night to

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Speaker 1: c p K. What do you order? No? No, I

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Speaker 1: mean I'm want to strict. We'll get into that, but

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Speaker 1: I mean I'm really strict with my diet. So I word,

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Speaker 1: it's a vegetable plate with with shrimp and with vegetables. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's really but yeah, CPK is one of my favorites

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Speaker 1: and then tanning, you'd go to I did. I don't

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Speaker 1: do that anymore because you know, yeah, well I don't

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Speaker 1: do that anymore that anymore. But I love the sun.

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Speaker 1: So we have a beautiful pool and I would be

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Speaker 1: out there while she was parading in men into the

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Speaker 1: apartmental I'd be like hi, and She's like, there's my roommate,

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Speaker 1: you know. And I'd call her a virgin all the

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Speaker 1: time because she was one at a later age than

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Speaker 1: I was one, and I just couldn't understand I'm still

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Speaker 1: a virgin. She I couldn't understand how she didn't want

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Speaker 1: to get some penetration. I was like, Colleen, let's go,

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Speaker 1: let's get the show on the road. She kept trying

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Speaker 1: to get me to go out and everything. But I just,

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Speaker 1: you know, I just I was very naive. I was

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Speaker 1: very young, twenty three year old, very young and naive,

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Speaker 1: and I was the butt of a lot of jokes

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Speaker 1: and it it did wear on me, but you know,

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Speaker 1: I got through it. But yeah, Chelsea and I, I

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Speaker 1: mean we um. Do you remember when we went shopping

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Speaker 1: for our couches together? Okay, so Chelsea and I decided

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Speaker 1: that we would go shopping and each get our own

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Speaker 1: couch because we love to watch shows together. We'd watch friends. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so we got our own couch. And she had no money.

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Speaker 1: I mean she would she would ask her sisters for money.

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Speaker 1: She would call and be like, I put money in

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Speaker 1: my account. I'm completely broke. And I was like, well,

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Speaker 1: we need sofas. So I got a credit card. I

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Speaker 1: opened a credit card, and every month on the refrigerator

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Speaker 1: I had how much she owed me, and she would

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Speaker 1: pay me pay me back. But we would fight constantly.

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Speaker 1: We would get into drag out whole hair pinch id

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Speaker 1: like to pinch on the floor in our apartment, rolling

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Speaker 1: around pulling hair. I mean kind of stuff are you

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Speaker 1: fighting about? Like what? Like what? She would to vide

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Speaker 1: the bill? She would like, give me, well, it wasn't

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Speaker 1: just that bill, because there was other bills, right. She

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Speaker 1: would divide the bills like if there we split anything,

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Speaker 1: and she would divide it down exactly to a t.

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Speaker 1: So it would be like so and so in like

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Speaker 1: twenty eight cents, and I'd be like, oh my god, Colin,

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Speaker 1: can you just round it to a certain number. But anyway,

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Speaker 1: go on with your version. Well wait. We would just

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Speaker 1: fight about anything about everything, and probably because she was

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Speaker 1: making fun of me and I would get upset and

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Speaker 1: I started to sit and I was super sensitive and

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Speaker 1: then when I start to cry, you're gonna she would

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Speaker 1: do that to me and it would it would really like.

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Speaker 1: So Chelsea is super handy. I mean, she decided that

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Speaker 1: in her bedroom she needed a desk for you know,

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Speaker 1: we had those computers with the big monitors and everything,

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Speaker 1: and so she was when desktops first came out. So

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Speaker 1: she was like, I'm going to Ikea and I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: get myself a desk and I'm gonna put it together.

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Speaker 1: And she did and she came back with this desk.

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Speaker 1: Then she was like, it's going to be done tonight,

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Speaker 1: and like a week later she was still on the

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Speaker 1: floor putting like I mean, she hit. It was funny.

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Speaker 1: It was funny because, yeah, it took forever for her

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Speaker 1: to put that together. Do you remember that. I do

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Speaker 1: remember my desk because I remember that was the first

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Speaker 1: email account that I ever got, was when we were

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Speaker 1: living there. It's still my email address, it's my original

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Speaker 1: email address. It's causing me a lot of problems quite frankly,

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Speaker 1: because well is a ship show and it's the server

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Speaker 1: never works, So I have some other email addresses, but

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Speaker 1: that's my primary email address. But we lived in this

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Speaker 1: right in this kind of like Melrose Placy type place,

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Speaker 1: so we would hang out a lot, like we go

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Speaker 1: to launch or we go to dinner. We worked together,

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Speaker 1: so we were basically like you know, operating as sisters

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Speaker 1: because we were fighting all the time, but also together

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Speaker 1: all the time, right, Like we would fight and then

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Speaker 1: be like, let's go to the movies, you know, and

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Speaker 1: then but wait, something I would like to do is

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Speaker 1: I'd like to read those Chicken Soup for the Soul books.

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Speaker 1: And Chelsea would be on her couch and I would

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Speaker 1: be on mine, and I would read her chapters of

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Speaker 1: the book and we would just I mean, it was

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Speaker 1: like a really nice bonding time. But I remember, do

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Speaker 1: you remember we had dinner with Terry and a lot

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Speaker 1: of people from the restaurant one night, and I mentioned

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Speaker 1: that I was reading Chicken Soup for the Soul to

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Speaker 1: you one night and the ones that the one lady said,

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Speaker 1: it's so nice that to do that as a as

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Speaker 1: a couple, like she totally thought we were a couple,

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Speaker 1: And Chelsea's face was like, no, no, we're not together,

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Speaker 1: we're not there. Yeah, yeah, but it was so funny.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean we would do stuff like that. Honestly,

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Speaker 1: it just was I was like, you know, the demon

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Speaker 1: and she was the wholesome one. I was the demon

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Speaker 1: child like crazy was like. And we and then she

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Speaker 1: had a crush on a guy that would come to

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Speaker 1: the restaurant, and we were all about it, like we

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Speaker 1: just wanted this to happen for her, right, we wanted

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Speaker 1: this to come to Fruition because she had It was

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Speaker 1: years that you had a crush on him, the soap

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Speaker 1: opera star. Okay, I I hope he never ever listens

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Speaker 1: to this, but we're not going to mention his name.

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Speaker 1: But he would come in and I had the biggest

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Speaker 1: crush on him, and I met lots of celebrities. I

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Speaker 1: became friends with lots of celebrities by them coming in,

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Speaker 1: just by seeing them every day. And he would come

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Speaker 1: in and talk to me, and I was like I

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Speaker 1: would come home every day and tell Chelsea stories about

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Speaker 1: this is what he said today, and it was just like,

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Speaker 1: I mean, it was so exciting. I really really yeah.

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Speaker 1: I loved him. I did. I was like, wow, I

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Speaker 1: So anyway, I got the opportunity to go to a

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Speaker 1: function that was a really high end function, and I

341
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Speaker 1: was like, I'm gonna ask him to go with me.

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Speaker 1: And I did. I knew where he lived. He lived

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Speaker 1: in the Palisa, So I went to his house and

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Speaker 1: I knocked on his door and and he answered the

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Speaker 1: door in his briefs. He was in his yeah, oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: and he was beauty. He's he is, he's beautiful. And

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Speaker 1: he got behind the door and I'm like he's like, Colleen,

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Speaker 1: what are you? What are you doing here? And I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I just have a question to ask you. I'm going

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Speaker 1: to this function and I would like you to come

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Speaker 1: with me. And he just looked at me and he

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Speaker 1: started laughing and he said, oh, I can't go with you.

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Speaker 1: I said why not? And he said because I have

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Speaker 1: a function that I have to go to tonight. And

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Speaker 1: I said, well, maybe it's the same function and then

356
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Speaker 1: you could take me, and he just was like, I'm sorry,

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Speaker 1: I think you should go. And by this point I

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Speaker 1: just looked at him and I was like tears and

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00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,560
Speaker 1: tears running down my face and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm going, I'm going. And I got in the car

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Speaker 1: and I drove home and I bawled the whole way home.

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Speaker 1: And when I get home, she's just like, what is

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Speaker 1: wrong with you? Because I'm just like a man mass

364
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:12,280
Speaker 1: And I told her what happened, and she's like, you're nuts.

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Speaker 1: You've got the biggest balls of anyone that I've ever met.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe that you actually went to his house

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Speaker 1: and did that. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I did.

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Speaker 1: I did, but I I've seen him since you did that.

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Speaker 1: After that, Oh man, he was on and I wasn't

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Speaker 1: there to see him. I knew someone that worked there,

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Speaker 1: and I went to see the show at taping a

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Speaker 1: few times there. So when I found out he was on,

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh my gosh. So I told the

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00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,679
Speaker 1: person and they said, oh, let me tell him, and

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Speaker 1: so he was like, yeah, yeah, send her back, send

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Speaker 1: her to my trailer. So I got to see him

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Speaker 1: and he introduced me to his wife and his lovely children,

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Speaker 1: and I mean, he's he's an awesome person. And you know,

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00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,600
Speaker 1: that was just me hoping that, you know, but I

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Speaker 1: fucking don't you do regret doing that exactly. That is

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Speaker 1: what every listener should know. I don't regret at all.

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Speaker 1: I've done a lot of crazy ship in my life,

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00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:08,359
Speaker 1: crazy shit that I and you know what, it's brought

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Speaker 1: me to where I am right now, and I have

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Speaker 1: no I mean, I I don't think you know this,

386
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,920
Speaker 1: but I was in love with this guy for years

387
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:18,359
Speaker 1: and years and years. I was friends with him for

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00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:20,200
Speaker 1: years and years and years. And we spent the day

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Speaker 1: together and I hope he's not listening, but anyway, I

390
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:27,159
Speaker 1: loved him and we spent the day together and I

391
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:29,719
Speaker 1: never told him how I felt and he was leaving,

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Speaker 1: he dropped me off. We spent the day and down

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Speaker 1: Barrington Avenue. I decided I had that because I feel

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Speaker 1: like my life sometimes is like a romantic comedy. And

395
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:42,360
Speaker 1: I saw him leaving and I started running down Barrington

396
00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:46,080
Speaker 1: Avenue calling his name, and he stopped in the middle

397
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:47,720
Speaker 1: of the road and I went up and I was like,

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00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:52,640
Speaker 1: I love you, I love you. It didn't go well.

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00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:56,760
Speaker 1: It didn't you know again, it didn't go well. Yeah again,

400
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,040
Speaker 1: I can't remember that it was supposed to be a

401
00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:02,000
Speaker 1: romantic comedy moments, I know I have. I've had a

402
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,040
Speaker 1: lot of those moments where I think it's going to

403
00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:06,919
Speaker 1: go one way and it it just it doesn't. It

404
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,639
Speaker 1: goes bad, so, you know, but I don't regret it

405
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:11,760
Speaker 1: at all because now I've I've met my husband and

406
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,879
Speaker 1: he's wonderful. Yeah. Did you have to take any of

407
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,040
Speaker 1: those sorts of risks with your husband? You have to

408
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:20,639
Speaker 1: take risks. We met online dating? Yeah, we met on

409
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:24,120
Speaker 1: e harmony. We're like an e harmony success story. Yeah,

410
00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:28,159
Speaker 1: there's a lot of e harmony success stories. Yeah, so great.

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00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,400
Speaker 1: Before we get to all the fun stuff, we'll take

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00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,960
Speaker 1: a quick break. Okay, sounds good. We'll be right back.

413
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:42,160
Speaker 1: But yeah, getting back to Chelsea and I we um um,

414
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:44,720
Speaker 1: we have to talk about something else. We have to

415
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:51,600
Speaker 1: talk about our vacation that we decided to take. I

416
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:54,440
Speaker 1: wrote about this in My Horizontal Life and this is where. Yes,

417
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:59,440
Speaker 1: the cruise ship. We took a three day cruise from

418
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:03,520
Speaker 1: Long Long Beach to Ensonata for for the for the

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00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:06,000
Speaker 1: New Year's holiday. We were like, let's spend New Years together.

420
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:09,800
Speaker 1: We're gonna We had no money, so we were carnival cruise.

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00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:13,439
Speaker 1: Everybody just yes, it was Carnival cruise. It was. It

422
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:21,000
Speaker 1: was a disaster. I recommend I recommend never going to Ensonataval.

423
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,359
Speaker 1: I would like to recommend for going on a carnival

424
00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:28,000
Speaker 1: cruise with it doesn't matter who the company is. I

425
00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:31,560
Speaker 1: had visions of us walking on board and seeing like

426
00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:35,720
Speaker 1: Captain Stubing and you know the doc from the Love Boat,

427
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:38,639
Speaker 1: like I thought the whole that's what cruises were based

428
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,480
Speaker 1: on my television experience. Yeah, I have a picture of

429
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,240
Speaker 1: Chelsea on the cruise. So let me just good news.

430
00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:46,879
Speaker 1: Let me just get this real quick, because this would

431
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:50,560
Speaker 1: summarize right here, This would summarize Chelsea. Do I just

432
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:56,560
Speaker 1: where do I show it? This would summarize you giving

433
00:21:56,600 --> 00:22:01,119
Speaker 1: the finger to her, bundled up in blankets. That was

434
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,439
Speaker 1: pretty much where. We're gonna have to send that to

435
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,040
Speaker 1: me so we can use it for the podcast. That's

436
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,959
Speaker 1: how cold we were because we thought, oh we we're

437
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:11,400
Speaker 1: gonna go to Mexico. It's going to be beautiful, Oh

438
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:15,080
Speaker 1: my god. And all right in this picture we are

439
00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:18,840
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna tell this story. This right here is

440
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:21,080
Speaker 1: us wearing our bracelets so we don't get sick, you know,

441
00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:26,359
Speaker 1: the motions bracelets, which you know they don't work. But anyway, um,

442
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:29,359
Speaker 1: so there's me and Chelsea there I am as a brunette.

443
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:35,720
Speaker 1: My goodness. So maybe, but but this cruise we were

444
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:38,360
Speaker 1: freezing the entire time. We get on there and there

445
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,760
Speaker 1: was these First of all, do you remember running through

446
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,120
Speaker 1: the decks like we were like running like we were

447
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,639
Speaker 1: in the Titanic or something like running away from people

448
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:48,399
Speaker 1: that were chasing us. Do you remember, Okay, when we

449
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:50,560
Speaker 1: first got on there, I think there was a guy

450
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:52,840
Speaker 1: is that and you were like Rod Rod, and so

451
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:54,640
Speaker 1: we're running to try and find our room. You don't

452
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:57,919
Speaker 1: remember that you stole away. I don't remember that part. Well,

453
00:22:57,960 --> 00:22:59,880
Speaker 1: we get on. We get first of all, the room

454
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:02,840
Speaker 1: is the size of like a bathroom. I thought it

455
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:05,119
Speaker 1: was gonna be like a romantic love sweet you know,

456
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,040
Speaker 1: where we have some big master and she and I

457
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:09,800
Speaker 1: would just switch off when we hooked up with guys. Meanwhile,

458
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,399
Speaker 1: we check in and it's literally the size. It's like

459
00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:15,840
Speaker 1: a twelve foot by twelve foot room, cabbyhole. You had

460
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:18,200
Speaker 1: to climb over one of the single beds to get

461
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:21,640
Speaker 1: to the fucking bathroom. Like the bathroom wasn't easy, like

462
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 1: accessible for anyone to take a shower. You couldn't take

463
00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:28,639
Speaker 1: a shower. I mean you were like this washing because

464
00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:30,800
Speaker 1: you couldn't move your arms. It was awful. And then

465
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:33,480
Speaker 1: we had a porthole. This is a really fun story.

466
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:35,959
Speaker 1: So if you've ever been on a cruise, you know

467
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:38,400
Speaker 1: that dinner time you sit with the same people every

468
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,440
Speaker 1: single night. And we're all excited to go to dinner.

469
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:43,400
Speaker 1: Let's eat it's all you can eat buffet. We get there,

470
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:46,199
Speaker 1: we sit down. So who we sit down with is

471
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:49,360
Speaker 1: a family of Mormons. And they were lovely, they were

472
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:53,199
Speaker 1: you know, it was a really nice family. But this

473
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:56,720
Speaker 1: one over here, she just offended them left and right,

474
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 1: left and right. I mean, it was so bad. It

475
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:02,400
Speaker 1: was it was I was so embarrassed. I was so

476
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:05,680
Speaker 1: embarrassed because every other the word is f this and

477
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:07,960
Speaker 1: then they're just like I mean, it was like a

478
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,240
Speaker 1: husband and wife and they're like five kids or something,

479
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:13,920
Speaker 1: and it was so so bad. So we finished dinner

480
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,240
Speaker 1: and the next night, I'm getting ready for dinner and

481
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:18,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, are you ready to go? And she's like yeah.

482
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:20,880
Speaker 1: She's like yeah, I'm not. I'm not going have fun.

483
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:24,160
Speaker 1: And I'm like, what you have to come to dinner

484
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,400
Speaker 1: and she's like no, you fucking go have a good time,

485
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 1: and she didn't leave the cabin the rest of the

486
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:34,640
Speaker 1: two days. I gotta once I got a full understanding

487
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:37,040
Speaker 1: of the company we were keeping. I was like, I'll

488
00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:40,320
Speaker 1: just be inside the cabinet. So I was so upset.

489
00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:43,440
Speaker 1: I had to go and have dinner with the family

490
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 1: who you know by association I was the devil. So

491
00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:49,240
Speaker 1: I had to sit at this table with them, and

492
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:52,359
Speaker 1: they hated me and it was just awful. Oh it

493
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,400
Speaker 1: was I can't believe she made me go by myself

494
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:57,320
Speaker 1: and she just she thought it was funny. I was like,

495
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,119
Speaker 1: I just can't commingle with those people again. And and

496
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,359
Speaker 1: when we got to Ensenada, I was like hey, because

497
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:04,600
Speaker 1: there was like, oh, they're gonna be gambling on the ship.

498
00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:06,840
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, great, that's something that will keep

499
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:08,840
Speaker 1: me busy for at least an hour. But you create

500
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:12,080
Speaker 1: your gamble until you crossed the Mexican border, so I

501
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:15,240
Speaker 1: was like, you had to wait like twelve hours to

502
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,320
Speaker 1: start the gambling. And I was like wait, what what?

503
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:19,400
Speaker 1: And then on the way back, the same thing as

504
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,720
Speaker 1: soon as you got into I don't even remember gambling

505
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:25,639
Speaker 1: American waters. Yeah, we gambled together. We did. Did we win? No?

506
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:27,439
Speaker 1: I mean we had no money. It was like twenty

507
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 1: dollars and you know, I think I blew that and

508
00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:31,679
Speaker 1: lost it right away. But I was like trying to

509
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,240
Speaker 1: convince Colleen. I was like, listen, when we get to Ensenada,

510
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:36,760
Speaker 1: we have to jump ship and we have to get

511
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:38,679
Speaker 1: a car to take us back to l A. And

512
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:41,960
Speaker 1: She's like, Chelsea, we could get assaulted. At least we'd

513
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:44,440
Speaker 1: have a good New Year's Like, who cares what happens

514
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:46,600
Speaker 1: on the way back home. But I'm not taking this

515
00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:49,479
Speaker 1: fucking boat back. And I was just trying to convince her.

516
00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:52,359
Speaker 1: Do you remember that I trying to convince her to

517
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 1: get off the boat and the rules. Yeah, I follow

518
00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:59,280
Speaker 1: the rules all the time. I followed the rules. I

519
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:01,199
Speaker 1: was like, why do you We'll pay someone. I'm like,

520
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 1: we'll find somebody to get us back to l A

521
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,439
Speaker 1: and we will pay them. And she's like with what money.

522
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:09,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, who cares, We'll figure that out later. Yeah, No,

523
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:13,280
Speaker 1: that was just it was. It was a nightmare. Kept

524
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,760
Speaker 1: you alive by not letting you, like find a random

525
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:19,720
Speaker 1: driver and you're welcome. Possibly, yes, but yeah, thank you. Yeah,

526
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:22,119
Speaker 1: she had a good hand in keeping me alive. At

527
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,160
Speaker 1: least I wasn't such a bit that I just left

528
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:25,720
Speaker 1: her on the boat, because that would have been a

529
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,479
Speaker 1: step above that would have been. That would have been.

530
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 1: But I think I I don't think. I think we

531
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:33,119
Speaker 1: were just so mad. I I honestly don't think we

532
00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:34,680
Speaker 1: talked the whole way home. I think that we were

533
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:36,920
Speaker 1: like pissed. I was just like, I mean, we get

534
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:39,360
Speaker 1: so we would get so aggravated with each other. We

535
00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:41,280
Speaker 1: were we were like sisters, and it was like we

536
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:43,919
Speaker 1: wouldn't talk to each other. We'd be like, fuck you,

537
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:46,880
Speaker 1: and then ten minutes later she'd be like, you want

538
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:50,920
Speaker 1: to go to c p KNY, And I like, let's

539
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:55,320
Speaker 1: do it. That's funny. That boat was also so depressed

540
00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:58,000
Speaker 1: because it was cold. I don't know. I had this

541
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:01,840
Speaker 1: idea that was in Mexico everything was warm. It have

542
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:05,199
Speaker 1: to get there first, and it was freezing, so like

543
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:08,080
Speaker 1: there was no bathing suit action. There was no lido

544
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:12,159
Speaker 1: deck activity, nobody was. There was a pool and it

545
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:16,480
Speaker 1: was completely covered, like it was closed off, like we

546
00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:18,480
Speaker 1: thought we were gonna be hanging out our bathing suites

547
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,360
Speaker 1: right right. It's like we did nothing. We did tracked.

548
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:24,720
Speaker 1: It's like we almost had no idea what happens on cruises,

549
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:26,040
Speaker 1: Like we thought it was going to be well. I

550
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:28,000
Speaker 1: think we just took a bad one. I think there

551
00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,440
Speaker 1: are really good cruises, yeah, but I sure there are,

552
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:33,000
Speaker 1: but in general, I would like to stay away from them.

553
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:36,480
Speaker 1: I know, you know, it's just not that's not my scene.

554
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:38,320
Speaker 1: It's funny what you remember from that trip and what

555
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:41,119
Speaker 1: I remember from that trip, like different memories that the

556
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:43,240
Speaker 1: other person doesn't remember at all. It makes you wonder, like,

557
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:45,840
Speaker 1: am I making all this shut up? You know? Like

558
00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:47,880
Speaker 1: when I talked to my sisters, they're always like, you're

559
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,760
Speaker 1: so full of ship your memories, they're not real. I'm like,

560
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 1: and then somebody will corroborate it, you know, in my

561
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,040
Speaker 1: family they'll be like, actually that wasn't that was true?

562
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:58,120
Speaker 1: And my sisters will be like, oh great, don't give

563
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:01,159
Speaker 1: her anymore, you know, gas, because she already thinks she

564
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:04,240
Speaker 1: fucking remembers everything, and I know I don't. Joe's always like,

565
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:06,920
Speaker 1: you have a six month memory, He's like, and even

566
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:10,119
Speaker 1: then it's pretty shifty. Well, he's adorable. I want to

567
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:11,560
Speaker 1: meet him, I know, I want to tell him to

568
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:13,680
Speaker 1: come and say hi if he's in the neighborhood. I also,

569
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:15,800
Speaker 1: do you remember your car, your first car that you

570
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:18,240
Speaker 1: bought at six o five? No, which one was. She

571
00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:22,399
Speaker 1: had a black Echo, a Toyota Echo, and she was

572
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:24,720
Speaker 1: so proud of herself, and she would go, look at me,

573
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 1: I'm so cute. O, oh my gosh. She loved that car.

574
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:33,720
Speaker 1: Oh that car was the buzzing around because that was

575
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:36,119
Speaker 1: the first brand new car that I had ever driven,

576
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:38,320
Speaker 1: because my father was a used car dealer, so every

577
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:40,640
Speaker 1: car I had ever had up until that point was used.

578
00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:43,200
Speaker 1: And I remember when I got rid of the Toyota Echo.

579
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 1: I went to go turn it in and I got

580
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 1: it in this place in the marina. It says I

581
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:48,360
Speaker 1: got a whale of a deal. It's said on the

582
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:52,120
Speaker 1: license plate, and I remember that. And then I when

583
00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:54,120
Speaker 1: I turned that car in and I got my next car.

584
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 1: I remember the car. They were opening up my glove

585
00:28:56,560 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaker 1: compartment and they found an egg McMuffin clove compartment from

586
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 1: like two years before, and I was so hard. I

587
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:06,160
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, this is exactly what my

588
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:08,920
Speaker 1: parents like. This is exactly how I had turned into

589
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:12,080
Speaker 1: my parents, because they would drive around their disgusting cars

590
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:16,880
Speaker 1: with fucking McDonald's, old McDonald's coffees and egg mcmuffins in

591
00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:19,440
Speaker 1: every compartment you could find, and then it happened to me.

592
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:22,640
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, this is a full circle moment. Yeah,

593
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:25,120
Speaker 1: that was her. She was so proud of that car. Yeah. Yeah,

594
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:27,400
Speaker 1: And then I gave it to know I didn't give

595
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:29,880
Speaker 1: it to someone. Oh, I got Chewy. When Chewy and

596
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 1: I got together, he I was like, this is you,

597
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:35,600
Speaker 1: this is the car you need this to No. I

598
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:37,680
Speaker 1: got him a different one. But he had his own

599
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:40,160
Speaker 1: little Toyota Echo, a red one, because that was a

600
00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:43,160
Speaker 1: perfect size car for him. That Toyota Echo was amazing

601
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:44,960
Speaker 1: because you didn't even have to put it in reverse.

602
00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:47,000
Speaker 1: You could just pick it up and turn it around.

603
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:49,840
Speaker 1: That was my joke and stand up. When I had

604
00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:51,880
Speaker 1: that car, I would talk about it all the time.

605
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:54,560
Speaker 1: What kind of Yeah, what kind of car did you drive?

606
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 1: You had a Okay, well I came here. I think

607
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 1: it was my Camaro. Wasn't my rent? Yes? Yes, okay,

608
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:03,560
Speaker 1: so my Camaro. By the way, we're both from Jersey

609
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:07,200
Speaker 1: and um I had my car, my nineteen seventy one

610
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:10,960
Speaker 1: or something Camaro. My dad shipped it out, and yeah,

611
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:13,120
Speaker 1: it was the greatest. I loved my Camaro. But yeah,

612
00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:16,040
Speaker 1: it blew up on me. My dad whenever he came

613
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 1: to visit. He would do the oil changes. He like,

614
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:21,040
Speaker 1: would you know, do my car in the parking lot.

615
00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:25,080
Speaker 1: That's another thing. She's always been super close with her family, right,

616
00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:28,680
Speaker 1: we actually have some questions that are exactly about that.

617
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:31,200
Speaker 1: So I'm interested to hear. Oh, yeah, we have to

618
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:33,040
Speaker 1: take colors. By the way, people have to call in

619
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:35,360
Speaker 1: and get advice because I'm the one to give advice.

620
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:37,600
Speaker 1: Who am I to give advice? This is perfect, but

621
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:40,719
Speaker 1: they just needed from anybody. It doesn't really matter, all right,

622
00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:43,040
Speaker 1: But yeah, well that's something. I would talk to my

623
00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:45,320
Speaker 1: parents every single day, so I would tell them everything

624
00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:49,360
Speaker 1: that happened throughout the day. And that would drive me like,

625
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:51,280
Speaker 1: what are you doing? Like she'd be on the phone

626
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 1: with her dad and she'd be like, and then whoever

627
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 1: the crush was, let's say his name was Luke. She'll

628
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:56,320
Speaker 1: be like, and then Luke came in, and then Luke

629
00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:58,840
Speaker 1: said this to me, didn't And I'm like, that's your father.

630
00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 1: And then she'd be on the It was so funny,

631
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 1: and I would be so annoyed. I like, you need

632
00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:07,160
Speaker 1: to get some friends, Like you cannot be on the

633
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:09,040
Speaker 1: phone telling your parents all this, And she's like, I

634
00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:12,200
Speaker 1: love my family. I tell them everything. I tell my

635
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:14,880
Speaker 1: mother everything, and I tell my father everything. And that

636
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:17,560
Speaker 1: was not the relationship I had with my parents. You know,

637
00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:21,200
Speaker 1: I wasn't telling them anything. I'm still really close. I

638
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:23,800
Speaker 1: mean they're they're here visiting me for two months. And

639
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:26,280
Speaker 1: and now Colleen has her own child and she has

640
00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:28,480
Speaker 1: a step well she has two children because she's a stepmother.

641
00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 1: And you actually gave birth. I did, I did. How

642
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:36,479
Speaker 1: was that not fun? It's it's terrible. It was. I mean,

643
00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 1: I people say it's the most beautiful. It's not. It's

644
00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 1: beautiful when you're holding your baby at the end. But

645
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:44,479
Speaker 1: I ended up having an emergency C section. It was

646
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:49,600
Speaker 1: traumatic and really scary. And an epidural is a life saver.

647
00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:52,080
Speaker 1: And anyone who doesn't do it, I don't know what

648
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:54,640
Speaker 1: the funds wrong with you, because it is, like, I mean,

649
00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:57,560
Speaker 1: it really helps you a lot, a lot. I would

650
00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:02,600
Speaker 1: like to get an epidural just just yeah, it sounds good. Yeah,

651
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:05,280
Speaker 1: so yeah, so yeah I gave birth and yeah, and

652
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:08,280
Speaker 1: then I, um, I gained tons of weight my I

653
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:11,440
Speaker 1: you know, balloons, like I don't even know. I've I've

654
00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:15,320
Speaker 1: lost forty five pounds in six months. What are you

655
00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:17,360
Speaker 1: doing okay? So well? First of all, let me just

656
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:21,160
Speaker 1: say that I went to my doctor and my doctor said,

657
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:24,000
Speaker 1: you have high cholesterol. I was on medication for everything,

658
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:26,880
Speaker 1: high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and the beginnings of a

659
00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:29,800
Speaker 1: fatty liver. And I was like, okay, I have to

660
00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:33,000
Speaker 1: do something. I have to take control of my body here.

661
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:37,240
Speaker 1: So I started on this diet where I eat super clean,

662
00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:40,120
Speaker 1: I eat veggies, I eat protein, I cut out carbs,

663
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:42,480
Speaker 1: I cut no there's no bread, there's no pasta, there's

664
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:45,960
Speaker 1: no alcohol whatsoever. So you probably couldn't do this diet.

665
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 1: But yeah, I just eat really clean and I exercise

666
00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 1: five times a week. I run and I do at

667
00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:54,360
Speaker 1: intervals like I walk and then I run and I

668
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:57,000
Speaker 1: on an incline, so I think it's really important to

669
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,640
Speaker 1: get your heart rate up. And then I walk, like

670
00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:02,200
Speaker 1: every point tenth of a mile, I stopped, like I'll

671
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:05,360
Speaker 1: either walk or run, and I do that for four miles,

672
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:09,160
Speaker 1: so it keeps my heart rated and even keel. And yeah,

673
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:12,120
Speaker 1: I just started losing weight and I started making really

674
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:15,960
Speaker 1: small goals for myself, and every month, I'd lose ten pounds.

675
00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:19,640
Speaker 1: So not any specific diet, just common sense, like common sense.

676
00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:21,160
Speaker 1: But I also do these meals. I don't know if

677
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:24,480
Speaker 1: you've heard of it. It's called Factor and my husband

678
00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:26,760
Speaker 1: and I he's lost like thirty pounds two. Um. We

679
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:29,080
Speaker 1: do these Factor meals. So we get them delivered and

680
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:31,400
Speaker 1: we eat them for dinner, and they are delicious. They

681
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:34,240
Speaker 1: are it's like a gourmet meal. I hate to cook anyway,

682
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:35,480
Speaker 1: so I'm like, I put it in the mic way

683
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:36,680
Speaker 1: for two and a half minutes, I put it on

684
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 1: a plate. It looks like a gourmet meal. There you go. Done.

685
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 1: It's portion control. It's delicious. I got my parents on

686
00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:46,440
Speaker 1: it while they're here. We're doing the Factor meals. So

687
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:49,520
Speaker 1: I tell everybody because I've been getting like people commenting

688
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,680
Speaker 1: and on Instagram and stuff, and I send them the

689
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:56,240
Speaker 1: Factor thing. I'm like, it's worked. So it's combination of everything.

690
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:59,200
Speaker 1: I do the Factor meals and I work out, and

691
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:01,960
Speaker 1: I'm just really you know, diligent about what I put

692
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:04,479
Speaker 1: in my body. And and you had said when we

693
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:07,040
Speaker 1: were on the phone, like you know, getting to know

694
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:10,040
Speaker 1: what your interests were and stuff about you. You had

695
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:12,359
Speaker 1: said that, like you are finding that you're actually able

696
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,000
Speaker 1: to carve out time for yourself because You're like, this

697
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:16,799
Speaker 1: is my time. I go to the gym, and so

698
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:18,839
Speaker 1: it seems like you're feeling really great and well as

699
00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:21,840
Speaker 1: a as a mom and all moms, no, you have

700
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:23,759
Speaker 1: no free time. You have none. I mean, for the

701
00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:27,240
Speaker 1: past five years, I don't do anything else for myself.

702
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:29,879
Speaker 1: It is for her all the time, and you start

703
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:32,319
Speaker 1: to get really depressed. We moved to Orange County from

704
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:34,360
Speaker 1: l A last year and there's a dairy Queen across

705
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:38,440
Speaker 1: the street, which is not not because I'm like, just

706
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:40,799
Speaker 1: go to dairy Queen, and you know, and I wanted

707
00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:42,680
Speaker 1: to try all the restaurants and stuff, and I put

708
00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:45,080
Speaker 1: on the pounds, but yeah, I don't have any time

709
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:48,000
Speaker 1: for myself. And then she started school, which is the

710
00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:51,959
Speaker 1: best thing in the world. Schools awesome. So she started school,

711
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,640
Speaker 1: so she goes for four hours a day and those

712
00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:56,840
Speaker 1: four hours are my time, and I go right to

713
00:34:56,840 --> 00:34:58,400
Speaker 1: the gym. I drop her off and I go right

714
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:01,160
Speaker 1: to the gym. So it's not even like a question

715
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 1: of what I'm gonna do today, It's off to the gym.

716
00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:06,720
Speaker 1: And I feel the best that I have ever felt,

717
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:10,400
Speaker 1: and I have time for myself, and the most important

718
00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:13,319
Speaker 1: thing is no more fatty liver. No more cholesterol, no

719
00:35:13,440 --> 00:35:17,120
Speaker 1: more high blood pressure. Everything's under control, and I feel great.

720
00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:21,279
Speaker 1: So I love that. Yeah, that's such a motivator for

721
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:24,040
Speaker 1: so many people who are feeling like that. Yeah, once

722
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:26,600
Speaker 1: you have kids, I don't even understand how people can function.

723
00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:29,680
Speaker 1: I don't even get it. It must be so it's

724
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:32,960
Speaker 1: talk about all consuming. It's it's the hardest thing that

725
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:36,200
Speaker 1: I've ever had to do. I love this child so much,

726
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:39,239
Speaker 1: but it is the hardest. Okay, I have O c D.

727
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:41,520
Speaker 1: My husband is a perfectionist. She doesn't have much of

728
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:43,840
Speaker 1: a of a chance here. She's a she's going to

729
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:46,120
Speaker 1: be a disaster, but she's she's already got O c

730
00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:48,640
Speaker 1: D issues where all of her toys have to be

731
00:35:48,719 --> 00:35:52,240
Speaker 1: perfectly stacked up and and um. But she's the sweetest

732
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:55,839
Speaker 1: thing ever. But yeah, the tantrums and everything, it's it's

733
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:59,839
Speaker 1: not fun. How do you handle tantrums? I just locked

734
00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:03,080
Speaker 1: myself in my bedroom and no, no, no, no, no. Um.

735
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:06,560
Speaker 1: I'm getting better at it. Usually I'm like, what's wrong?

736
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:08,440
Speaker 1: What you know? And now I have to I have

737
00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:11,640
Speaker 1: to calm myself down and try to see it from

738
00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:15,120
Speaker 1: her perspective. Because kids, they're upset for some reason. You

739
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:18,640
Speaker 1: have to try and understand where they're coming from instead

740
00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:21,959
Speaker 1: of just getting upset. So my husband, who he's really

741
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:25,359
Speaker 1: good at handling that, he's helping me see that. I've

742
00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:28,560
Speaker 1: gotten a lot calmer over the years. I've let things go.

743
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:32,080
Speaker 1: I'm very wound up and tight and very structured, and

744
00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:34,880
Speaker 1: so I have as a mom, let go because you

745
00:36:34,880 --> 00:36:37,440
Speaker 1: have to let go, because right, it's too bad you

746
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:39,120
Speaker 1: didn't have that skill set when you were living with me,

747
00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:42,200
Speaker 1: because that was your first experience with the toddler. It

748
00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:45,759
Speaker 1: was it was Okay, So we're gonna take callers. People

749
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:48,120
Speaker 1: are going to call in or right in, Katherine, do

750
00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:49,600
Speaker 1: you want to get the ball rolling? Or should we

751
00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:52,280
Speaker 1: take a quick break first. Let's take a quick break first,

752
00:36:52,480 --> 00:37:00,279
Speaker 1: and then we'll come back with callers. Okay, Well, see

753
00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:04,879
Speaker 1: how we do this as a couple, as the odd couple. Alright, Well,

754
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:09,399
Speaker 1: our first caller today is Emma. She says, help, I'm

755
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:12,759
Speaker 1: a twenty five year old virgin. Dear Chelsea, I'm just

756
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 1: going to cut right to it. I'm a twenty five

757
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:17,839
Speaker 1: year old virgin, and I hate it. I shouldn't really

758
00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:19,680
Speaker 1: use the word hate because I don't hate the fact

759
00:37:19,719 --> 00:37:22,400
Speaker 1: that I still am, but I'm embarrassed and I can't

760
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:25,080
Speaker 1: help it. It's not that I want to wait, or

761
00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:27,240
Speaker 1: that I'm waiting for the right person and all that ship.

762
00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:30,600
Speaker 1: I just haven't had the moment of okay right now

763
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:34,080
Speaker 1: is fine, but would stop something from going further. Every

764
00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:36,359
Speaker 1: man I've had somewhat of a relationship with has been

765
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:39,040
Speaker 1: respectful and kind about it. But I hate bringing it up,

766
00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:41,360
Speaker 1: and I hate that I feel like I have to

767
00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:44,520
Speaker 1: bring it up. I also hate looking around me and

768
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:47,360
Speaker 1: seeing all of my friends talking comfortably about their sex

769
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:50,960
Speaker 1: lives when mine is non existent. So I'm seeking any

770
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:53,279
Speaker 1: advice that you can possibly give me because I can't

771
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:58,960
Speaker 1: help but feel alone in this. Sincerely, Emma, Hi, Emma, Hi, Emma, Hi,

772
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:03,200
Speaker 1: how are you? Hi? Emma? This is my roommate from

773
00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:05,920
Speaker 1: many many moons ago in l A. Her name's Colleen,

774
00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:11,680
Speaker 1: and she's our guest today. Yeah. Hi, Hi, it's so

775
00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:14,400
Speaker 1: nice to meet you. Guys. Well, it's so nice and

776
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:16,560
Speaker 1: refreshing to meet a virgin. I don't meet a lot

777
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:21,000
Speaker 1: of virgins. I don't either, Yeah, I do know other

778
00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:26,600
Speaker 1: virgins your age, not within like my circle. Oh that

779
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,560
Speaker 1: makes it even more. That makes it stand out more. Colleen,

780
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 1: why don't you talk about your experience because one of

781
00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:37,000
Speaker 1: us had sex at a very young age and one

782
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:44,000
Speaker 1: of us was a little bit more um responsible, Yes, yeah, responsible. Well, Emma,

783
00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:47,440
Speaker 1: first of all, there's nothing to be embarrassed about at all.

784
00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:51,760
Speaker 1: I lost my virginity at twenty nine. In my head,

785
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:54,839
Speaker 1: like I was telling Chelsea, I feel like my life

786
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:57,120
Speaker 1: should be like a romantic comedy, and that's what I

787
00:38:57,160 --> 00:38:59,920
Speaker 1: was waiting for, the perfect love and we were going

788
00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:02,799
Speaker 1: to ride off into the sunset together. And I felt

789
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:06,360
Speaker 1: the same way as you. I was embarrassed. I was like,

790
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:09,080
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna have sex with with anybody because this

791
00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:11,719
Speaker 1: is so you know, you just at like why am

792
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:15,120
Speaker 1: I not meeting someone or what's going on? I actually

793
00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:19,279
Speaker 1: wish I would have waited longer because the person that

794
00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:23,560
Speaker 1: I did have sex with it was a mistake and

795
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:26,480
Speaker 1: it was a mistake and it was a horrible experience.

796
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:30,640
Speaker 1: It was awful and it was terrible. It wasn't a

797
00:39:30,680 --> 00:39:34,319
Speaker 1: good at treeria Is, I would have waited. So my

798
00:39:34,400 --> 00:39:39,000
Speaker 1: advice to you is, don't be embarrassed, don't settle. You're

799
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,800
Speaker 1: gonna meet someone who loves that you are a virgin,

800
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:45,879
Speaker 1: You're gonna meet someone who appreciates you and who adores you,

801
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:49,799
Speaker 1: and don't ever apologize for it. Just be who you are.

802
00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:53,000
Speaker 1: That's the most important thing. And if you're not feeling it,

803
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:57,480
Speaker 1: don't do it. Yeah, that you should embrace the uniqueness

804
00:39:57,520 --> 00:40:00,399
Speaker 1: that is you and your virginity and all the other

805
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:03,839
Speaker 1: unique things about you and focus on those things. That's

806
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:07,239
Speaker 1: that's something that's cool. Ye uncommon you know what I mean,

807
00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:11,799
Speaker 1: it's it's uncommonly cool, I should say. Anyway, anyway you

808
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:14,680
Speaker 1: phrase it, it covers it, like, that's cool. You have

809
00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:16,560
Speaker 1: something that not a lot of people have going on

810
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:21,759
Speaker 1: right now. Yeah, that's true. It's definitely like uncommon. Like

811
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:24,400
Speaker 1: when I tell men when I'm in a relationship and

812
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:27,200
Speaker 1: it's starting to get a little risque, you should say,

813
00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:29,480
Speaker 1: I've never had Like I said, I've never had a

814
00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:32,279
Speaker 1: bad experience telling them. They're always very nice and they're

815
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:37,080
Speaker 1: surprised for sure. But it is uncomfortable kind of to

816
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:40,160
Speaker 1: bring up because I can't help but have that little

817
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:41,959
Speaker 1: guy in the back of my head being like this

818
00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:46,040
Speaker 1: is so embarrassing. No, I know, I know, I feel you.

819
00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:48,839
Speaker 1: I was in the same boat I actually didn't even

820
00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:50,960
Speaker 1: tell the guy that I had sex with it. I

821
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:55,520
Speaker 1: was really I didn't even tell them. I was just like, Yeah,

822
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:57,960
Speaker 1: was it because you were so eager to have sex

823
00:40:58,080 --> 00:41:00,279
Speaker 1: or was it you were so into the guy? Like, well,

824
00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:03,200
Speaker 1: I honestly think I was twenty nine. I hadn't really

825
00:41:03,239 --> 00:41:06,480
Speaker 1: met anyone that I really really really liked, and we

826
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:09,319
Speaker 1: were dating, so it was going there. But I didn't

827
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:11,319
Speaker 1: want to tell him because I was embarrassed. I was

828
00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:14,000
Speaker 1: the same way as you feel. I was embarrassed. I

829
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:16,920
Speaker 1: was just like, Oh, he's going to run away if

830
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:19,359
Speaker 1: he finds out I'm twenty nine years old. This is

831
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:23,240
Speaker 1: and so I didn't say anything. And after the fact

832
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:25,680
Speaker 1: I told him and he was just like what. But

833
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:28,880
Speaker 1: I regret that whole situation because I would have just

834
00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:33,560
Speaker 1: waited to find someone that appreciated me. And so my

835
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:36,719
Speaker 1: advice to you would be to just hang in there.

836
00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:38,520
Speaker 1: You are going to meet someone. You're going to meet

837
00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:41,160
Speaker 1: someone that adores you, and it's going to be like, Wow,

838
00:41:41,239 --> 00:41:44,360
Speaker 1: you waited for me, and that's gonna be so special.

839
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:48,319
Speaker 1: So that is special. Yeah, I think I've read too

840
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:52,440
Speaker 1: many books in my lifetime, so I have this whole

841
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:55,480
Speaker 1: preconception of like it's a magical moment. Like I just

842
00:41:55,520 --> 00:41:58,240
Speaker 1: read I'm in graduate school and I just read Forever

843
00:41:58,239 --> 00:42:00,600
Speaker 1: by Judy Bluem and it's literally about a teenage girl

844
00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:02,080
Speaker 1: having sex for the first time. And I was like,

845
00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:05,480
Speaker 1: this is too fitting. This is maybe a little past two,

846
00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:08,719
Speaker 1: but also like too fitting. I love Judy Bloom read

847
00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:14,279
Speaker 1: those are the fastings around. So, Emma, what are you

848
00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:16,200
Speaker 1: waiting for? Are you waiting to be in love and

849
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:18,920
Speaker 1: being a relationship, like a really serious relationship. Is that

850
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:22,400
Speaker 1: what you're waiting for? I think kind of yes, And no,

851
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:25,720
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm not like into hook up culture. I

852
00:42:25,719 --> 00:42:29,600
Speaker 1: I live in Boston, so like dating out here is

853
00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:34,200
Speaker 1: hard enough as it is, especially in Boston. Um, but

854
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:38,400
Speaker 1: I've definitely like gotten away from that whole. I'm going

855
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:41,120
Speaker 1: to wait for the one, and I'm gonna wait for

856
00:42:41,160 --> 00:42:44,040
Speaker 1: someone that I really like. You know, if I'm currently

857
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:47,640
Speaker 1: dating someone and it's going well for a couple of

858
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:50,440
Speaker 1: months or weeks or whatever, like and I have a

859
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:52,560
Speaker 1: moment where I'm like, I feel comfortable enough right now

860
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:55,959
Speaker 1: and they know, so let's give it a shot. That's

861
00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:58,239
Speaker 1: kind of my mindset right now. And it took me

862
00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:02,440
Speaker 1: a while to get in that mindset because the embarrassment

863
00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:07,000
Speaker 1: just like never went away. Yeah, and I think it

864
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:10,160
Speaker 1: is something that's lovely. Of course, it's not like what

865
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:12,759
Speaker 1: it looks like in movies or you know, sounds like

866
00:43:12,800 --> 00:43:16,319
Speaker 1: in books. But my advice would be lose it with

867
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:19,160
Speaker 1: the person that you can kind of laugh about things with,

868
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:22,440
Speaker 1: Like you're laughing in the middle of it, You're cracking

869
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:25,960
Speaker 1: jokes and like sometimes it's really romantic and sometimes it's not.

870
00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:29,520
Speaker 1: Sometimes you're just like fooling around. So I mean it

871
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:31,799
Speaker 1: might be helpful to be with somebody who, like you

872
00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:34,480
Speaker 1: can kind of joke around, laugh about it, and also

873
00:43:34,520 --> 00:43:37,160
Speaker 1: like you don't necessarily have to say it's your first time.

874
00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:41,440
Speaker 1: I think that's fine. Yeah, that's so true. I've definitely

875
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:45,719
Speaker 1: been in relationships and and with men that I do

876
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:49,640
Speaker 1: feel comfortable enough like not only telling them, but being like, yeah,

877
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:53,080
Speaker 1: let's try. But as it continues, it's like, Okay, no,

878
00:43:53,239 --> 00:43:56,280
Speaker 1: I was wrong, Like I'm not ready for this, please

879
00:43:56,320 --> 00:44:00,520
Speaker 1: back up. Yeah. I also I would say, I don't know, Catherine,

880
00:44:00,560 --> 00:44:02,719
Speaker 1: I disagree with that. Maybe calling you can speak to us,

881
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:05,480
Speaker 1: but I think like if you're gonna if you've waited

882
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:09,040
Speaker 1: this long, right, Which isn't it like a ridiculous amount

883
00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:11,040
Speaker 1: of time. It's a it's a logical amount of time,

884
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:12,920
Speaker 1: Like you've waited this long and you're not going to

885
00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:16,120
Speaker 1: jump to Like, why not have that experience be on

886
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:18,000
Speaker 1: the table with the person that you're going to have

887
00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:20,560
Speaker 1: it with so that they can be even more careful

888
00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:25,279
Speaker 1: and like caring you know about the situation, because if

889
00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:28,920
Speaker 1: you have been, you know, saving yourself for the right person,

890
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:30,960
Speaker 1: you know, it doesn't have to mean it's your husband,

891
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:34,319
Speaker 1: but the right person, someone who cares for you deeply, right,

892
00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:36,799
Speaker 1: that's all you really need is somebody who really cares

893
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:39,719
Speaker 1: about you. Why not have that experience together so that

894
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:42,239
Speaker 1: they know going in you know that it is your

895
00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:45,400
Speaker 1: first time, because it can be a more delicate situation. Yeah,

896
00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:48,200
Speaker 1: that's true, that's true. I completely I do agree with that.

897
00:44:48,320 --> 00:44:50,560
Speaker 1: I think that you know, he should know, and you

898
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:53,839
Speaker 1: should feel totally comfortable with him, and it gives him

899
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:56,480
Speaker 1: the opportunity to make you feel even more comfortable and

900
00:44:56,600 --> 00:44:58,839
Speaker 1: even safer. And if it goes the other way, then

901
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:01,839
Speaker 1: it's not meant to be with him exactly. And I

902
00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:04,640
Speaker 1: think me as a person, I would feel so guilty

903
00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:07,000
Speaker 1: if like I didn't tell them, and then it would

904
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:08,560
Speaker 1: just be like in the back of my head and

905
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:12,719
Speaker 1: I'd be like, I'm such a fucking horrible person. Well,

906
00:45:12,719 --> 00:45:14,520
Speaker 1: then you have your answer about whether you should tell them.

907
00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:18,319
Speaker 1: That's true. So that's why I always That's why I've

908
00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:20,479
Speaker 1: always told people, because I have a feeling I would

909
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:22,680
Speaker 1: just feel like so guilty, and I know what I'm

910
00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:26,239
Speaker 1: not like obligated to tell like my partner. But at

911
00:45:26,239 --> 00:45:28,080
Speaker 1: the same time, it's like I wish I could just

912
00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:32,120
Speaker 1: like not and not have those feelings of like anxiety

913
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:35,360
Speaker 1: and guilt over it and just let it happen. Yeah,

914
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:38,120
Speaker 1: I think it's special, Like it's special. Embrace the fact

915
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:42,600
Speaker 1: that it's special. Nothing embarrassing, Yeah, embarrassing losing your virginity

916
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:44,600
Speaker 1: when you're you know, a teenager to someone that you

917
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:47,799
Speaker 1: don't even know, whose name you don't remember the point

918
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:51,520
Speaker 1: of that. No, mine was Mitch, I remember who I

919
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:54,000
Speaker 1: lost my virginity too. But he knew I was a

920
00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:58,400
Speaker 1: virgin and he was very careful with me. Yeah. I

921
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:01,200
Speaker 1: have a friend who she actually in her thirties and

922
00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:03,560
Speaker 1: just lost her virginity. But when you say, like all

923
00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:06,360
Speaker 1: my friends were talking really easily about this. I remember

924
00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:07,760
Speaker 1: there was a time when a bunch of us friends

925
00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:09,440
Speaker 1: were talking and one of the girls was like, how

926
00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:11,880
Speaker 1: did everybody lose their virginity? And when it got to her,

927
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:15,400
Speaker 1: it was like, well, it almost happened this one time,

928
00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:18,920
Speaker 1: and then it didn't, and you know, she handled it well.

929
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:21,640
Speaker 1: But at the same time, like she's now at a

930
00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:23,960
Speaker 1: place in her life where like she's having the first

931
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:27,600
Speaker 1: great love of her life, and it's just like all

932
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:31,640
Speaker 1: this anxiety she had around it, all of these worries,

933
00:46:32,320 --> 00:46:34,520
Speaker 1: they're gone in like the blink of an eye, and

934
00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:37,440
Speaker 1: she's having so much fun, and it's just you know,

935
00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:40,719
Speaker 1: when it happens, that happens. Yeah, I also feel like

936
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:45,320
Speaker 1: the pandemic didn't really help me at all. I moved

937
00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:48,160
Speaker 1: to Boston in followed nineteen, so we only had a

938
00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:50,600
Speaker 1: window of like a couple of months to go out

939
00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:52,719
Speaker 1: there and date and meet new people. And then it

940
00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:56,440
Speaker 1: was like, oh, just kidding, you're stuck inside, you're alone.

941
00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:00,440
Speaker 1: We'll just hang in there. You'll meet somebody who is

942
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:03,440
Speaker 1: perfect for you and will make you feel special and

943
00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:06,560
Speaker 1: it won't matter that you're a virgin. It's very true.

944
00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:11,160
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thanks for calling Emma, you're adorable. Oh, thank you.

945
00:47:11,239 --> 00:47:15,520
Speaker 1: So you're adorable, virgin. Thank you so much. Hey, I

946
00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:20,560
Speaker 1: that's a great compliment. I'm gonna add that to my

947
00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:28,480
Speaker 1: like LinkedIn profile. Yeah, all right, thanks Emma. Let us

948
00:47:28,480 --> 00:47:32,200
Speaker 1: know how it goes. I will keep you posted. Jay

949
00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:35,160
Speaker 1: sounds good. Nice to meet you. Bye. Nice to meet

950
00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:38,360
Speaker 1: you too, Emma. Bye, Thank you. She reminds me of

951
00:47:38,400 --> 00:47:41,040
Speaker 1: me when I mean totally like, what a better question

952
00:47:41,080 --> 00:47:45,600
Speaker 1: to have a caller call in with. She's good, good producing, Catherine, Well,

953
00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:48,439
Speaker 1: thank you. I mean this next one is pretty on

954
00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:51,760
Speaker 1: the nose for you as well, Colleen. So our next

955
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:55,960
Speaker 1: caller is Ashley. She is thirty one and a stay

956
00:47:55,960 --> 00:47:59,360
Speaker 1: at home mom. She says, Dear Chelsea, my mom and

957
00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:02,040
Speaker 1: I have always has been very close. However, I love

958
00:48:02,080 --> 00:48:05,200
Speaker 1: my independence and personal space, and she is about as

959
00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:09,280
Speaker 1: codependent as they come. We talk every day on the phone,

960
00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:11,840
Speaker 1: text back and forth numerous times a day, and she

961
00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:15,000
Speaker 1: shows up at my house unannounced all the time. She

962
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:17,520
Speaker 1: has no boundaries and relies on my kids and I

963
00:48:17,640 --> 00:48:21,080
Speaker 1: for her fulfillment in life. Sadly, my brother and only

964
00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:24,040
Speaker 1: sibling passed away four years ago, which puts an even

965
00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:26,960
Speaker 1: bigger burden and responsibility on me to be there for

966
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:30,359
Speaker 1: her emotionally since her partner is not at all. I

967
00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:32,879
Speaker 1: know how much the daily calls and texts mean to her,

968
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:35,239
Speaker 1: but I can't help but feel super annoyed when I

969
00:48:35,320 --> 00:48:37,720
Speaker 1: have to check in with her and tell her every

970
00:48:37,719 --> 00:48:40,600
Speaker 1: detail of my life. So my question is am I

971
00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:43,040
Speaker 1: being a bit for wanting and needing my own space

972
00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:45,520
Speaker 1: when I know how much she needs me. Any help

973
00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:48,360
Speaker 1: on how to navigate this relationship would be so helpful.

974
00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:50,720
Speaker 1: I want to be there for her, but being married

975
00:48:50,719 --> 00:48:52,759
Speaker 1: with three kids is a very busy life, and I

976
00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:55,320
Speaker 1: can't help but feel that she just adds to the stress.

977
00:48:55,760 --> 00:49:03,120
Speaker 1: With love Ashley, Oh, Hi, Ashley, Hi, Ashley, Hi, Hi, Hi.

978
00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:09,520
Speaker 1: This is my friend Colleen. She's guess Hi Colleen. Hey, Chelsea, Hey,

979
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:11,799
Speaker 1: So tell us what's going on? So your mom is

980
00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:16,440
Speaker 1: around a lot? Yeah, she is. We live only a

981
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:20,319
Speaker 1: few miles away from each other, and like I said

982
00:49:20,320 --> 00:49:22,239
Speaker 1: in the letter, my brother passed away and I don't

983
00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:25,880
Speaker 1: have any other siblings. So I try to be patient

984
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:28,759
Speaker 1: with her and let her over whenever she wants to come,

985
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:32,280
Speaker 1: and always stay in touch, But sometimes it's just annoying

986
00:49:32,600 --> 00:49:36,520
Speaker 1: being there for her all the time. Yeah, that's a

987
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:39,200
Speaker 1: tough one because I can understand. Yeah, but I mean

988
00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:41,880
Speaker 1: she I mean, how can you create boundaries now, I

989
00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:46,000
Speaker 1: guess is the question right when there haven't been any before?

990
00:49:46,480 --> 00:49:49,560
Speaker 1: How long have you guys lived this close to each other? Oh,

991
00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:53,719
Speaker 1: we've always lived really, We've always been super tight growing up.

992
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:56,680
Speaker 1: She was a single mom. My parents got divorced when

993
00:49:56,680 --> 00:49:59,560
Speaker 1: I was a baby, so we were always her. My

994
00:49:59,640 --> 00:50:02,680
Speaker 1: brother and I were always really super tighten it, and

995
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:06,680
Speaker 1: she was always like the cool, fun mom. Uh. I mean,

996
00:50:06,719 --> 00:50:10,480
Speaker 1: as you know, when you lose someone in your family,

997
00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:14,560
Speaker 1: but it's like to just see your parents crumble. In

998
00:50:14,600 --> 00:50:16,640
Speaker 1: a sense, it was different for you, I know, because

999
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:19,360
Speaker 1: you were a child at the time. But it really

1000
00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:23,319
Speaker 1: does just change a person. And she is very sensitive

1001
00:50:24,280 --> 00:50:28,560
Speaker 1: and I try to not hurt her feelings to be

1002
00:50:28,640 --> 00:50:30,960
Speaker 1: there for her, but sometimes it's just like I have

1003
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:33,239
Speaker 1: a lot of my own ship going on, and it

1004
00:50:33,320 --> 00:50:36,680
Speaker 1: takes a lot out of me to take on her

1005
00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:41,319
Speaker 1: stress and depression, you know. Yeah, Yeah, this is such

1006
00:50:41,320 --> 00:50:44,279
Speaker 1: a tricky area because your mom sounds like she's you know,

1007
00:50:44,480 --> 00:50:47,120
Speaker 1: she's grieving too. You know, she lost her son. Even

1008
00:50:47,120 --> 00:50:49,160
Speaker 1: though it's four years ago. You know that doesn't ever

1009
00:50:49,160 --> 00:50:53,320
Speaker 1: go away for a parent. Yeah, and you're her only

1010
00:50:53,360 --> 00:50:56,239
Speaker 1: family and your children are her only family. So it's

1011
00:50:56,280 --> 00:50:59,319
Speaker 1: like you want to be sensitive and empathetic too to

1012
00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:03,440
Speaker 1: the fact that she that you're the only ties she has. Yeah,

1013
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:05,960
Speaker 1: and that's why it's like my door is always open

1014
00:51:06,040 --> 00:51:08,480
Speaker 1: for her, and she does totally take advantage of that.

1015
00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:13,520
Speaker 1: But it's like I just I like my own personal space.

1016
00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:17,399
Speaker 1: And I told Catherine before, like I moved out when

1017
00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:19,880
Speaker 1: I was eighteen, haven't been back since. We don't have

1018
00:51:19,920 --> 00:51:22,200
Speaker 1: the type of relationship where I've ever like relied on

1019
00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 1: her for anything or depended on her to provide anything

1020
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:28,560
Speaker 1: for me and my family. I've always just been a

1021
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:33,120
Speaker 1: very independent person and I let her in as much

1022
00:51:33,120 --> 00:51:34,919
Speaker 1: as I can, knowing how much it means to her.

1023
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:38,759
Speaker 1: But it really does just sometimes just suck the life

1024
00:51:38,760 --> 00:51:42,200
Speaker 1: out of me, knowing how much it takes to be

1025
00:51:42,280 --> 00:51:45,080
Speaker 1: there for her. Well, is there any other sort of

1026
00:51:45,120 --> 00:51:48,040
Speaker 1: configuration you can work out with her, Like, is there

1027
00:51:48,040 --> 00:51:50,000
Speaker 1: a a lot of time you can give her with

1028
00:51:50,040 --> 00:51:52,920
Speaker 1: each of the kids alone or maybe all of them together,

1029
00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:56,880
Speaker 1: so it's less on you and more on like you know,

1030
00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:59,040
Speaker 1: like what about dropping one of your children off to

1031
00:51:59,120 --> 00:52:01,080
Speaker 1: her for like two hours a week and they each

1032
00:52:01,120 --> 00:52:03,120
Speaker 1: get their one on one time with grandma, So that

1033
00:52:03,160 --> 00:52:06,560
Speaker 1: doesn't necessarily involve you or her being at your house,

1034
00:52:06,680 --> 00:52:09,239
Speaker 1: like if you frame it's or her like mom, this

1035
00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:11,920
Speaker 1: is for the kids. They get really jealous when you

1036
00:52:11,960 --> 00:52:13,759
Speaker 1: spend you know, you can make up whatever you want

1037
00:52:13,840 --> 00:52:15,920
Speaker 1: when you're with them all together. They all want one

1038
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:18,360
Speaker 1: on one time. You know, I think this might be

1039
00:52:18,400 --> 00:52:20,759
Speaker 1: a great idea for both of you. You guys, you

1040
00:52:20,800 --> 00:52:23,120
Speaker 1: get each kid for two hours a week at your

1041
00:52:23,160 --> 00:52:26,520
Speaker 1: house and you do your thing with them alone, or

1042
00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:29,960
Speaker 1: she could take them all out without you, you know, like,

1043
00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:31,920
Speaker 1: is do you trust her to do that? Or is

1044
00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:35,600
Speaker 1: she like able bodied and everything? Yeah? Oh yeah. She

1045
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:40,520
Speaker 1: is an absolutely phenomenal grandma. She's very super close to

1046
00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:43,760
Speaker 1: my kids, Like they do probably go over her house

1047
00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:46,560
Speaker 1: a couple of times a week, which is great. But

1048
00:52:46,640 --> 00:52:49,480
Speaker 1: it's more so the thing that gets under my skin

1049
00:52:49,640 --> 00:52:53,879
Speaker 1: is like when she pops over all the time unannounced.

1050
00:52:53,920 --> 00:52:57,440
Speaker 1: She never feels like she needs to call and say like, hey,

1051
00:52:57,680 --> 00:52:59,600
Speaker 1: I'm around the neighborhood. You mind if I pop over?

1052
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:01,600
Speaker 1: Is now a good time? It's just a sense of

1053
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:04,480
Speaker 1: like she's entitled the come over whenever she wants, or

1054
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:07,160
Speaker 1: like if she comes over and I'm not there, she'll

1055
00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:09,680
Speaker 1: call me and be like, hey, where you at, It's like,

1056
00:53:09,719 --> 00:53:11,759
Speaker 1: I don't know you an explanation of where I'm at.

1057
00:53:12,400 --> 00:53:14,399
Speaker 1: Those are more so the things that really get under

1058
00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:17,759
Speaker 1: my skin. It's instead of like not being there for her,

1059
00:53:17,800 --> 00:53:20,359
Speaker 1: I'm always there to talk and all that, but it's

1060
00:53:20,400 --> 00:53:23,120
Speaker 1: just like the sense of me owing her all these

1061
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:26,560
Speaker 1: explanations about my personal life when I just it's like,

1062
00:53:26,600 --> 00:53:28,720
Speaker 1: I'm an adult. I'm thirty one years old. I shouldn't

1063
00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:31,200
Speaker 1: be needed to check in with you every single day.

1064
00:53:31,560 --> 00:53:34,040
Speaker 1: It's almost like when she calls when I how I

1065
00:53:34,120 --> 00:53:37,000
Speaker 1: told you earlier, when she says, just doing my daily

1066
00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:41,520
Speaker 1: check in, it's like that's that's not necessary. And whenever

1067
00:53:41,560 --> 00:53:43,040
Speaker 1: she's like, hey, what are you doing, it's always the

1068
00:53:43,040 --> 00:53:45,480
Speaker 1: same thing. Nothing new, nothing new because I just talked

1069
00:53:45,480 --> 00:53:47,920
Speaker 1: to you yesterday. It's like if we went more than

1070
00:53:47,960 --> 00:53:50,480
Speaker 1: a few days without talking to each other, then I

1071
00:53:50,480 --> 00:53:52,600
Speaker 1: would have more to fill her in on and vice versa.

1072
00:53:52,680 --> 00:53:55,200
Speaker 1: But it's like she already knows every aspect of my

1073
00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:58,880
Speaker 1: life that it's like I just have to go with

1074
00:53:58,960 --> 00:54:01,000
Speaker 1: it just because I know that maybe what she needs

1075
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:03,280
Speaker 1: now in the moment, it's just it's off to someone.

1076
00:54:03,920 --> 00:54:06,880
Speaker 1: They're trying not to let it annoy me. Yeah, I

1077
00:54:06,960 --> 00:54:09,919
Speaker 1: agree with Chelsea that there is a conversation that has

1078
00:54:09,960 --> 00:54:14,160
Speaker 1: to happen, and putting some parameters, like whatever that signal

1079
00:54:14,360 --> 00:54:17,520
Speaker 1: is in place might be might be really helpful. So

1080
00:54:17,600 --> 00:54:20,279
Speaker 1: maybe it's like, hey, mom, like the kids are back

1081
00:54:20,360 --> 00:54:23,239
Speaker 1: in school now, schedules have changed, and we really need

1082
00:54:23,320 --> 00:54:25,640
Speaker 1: to kind of know what to expect each day. So

1083
00:54:26,120 --> 00:54:28,319
Speaker 1: you know what, if the light is on on the

1084
00:54:28,320 --> 00:54:30,879
Speaker 1: front porch, like, feel free to come on in. If

1085
00:54:30,920 --> 00:54:33,360
Speaker 1: it's not, we might just need some family time or

1086
00:54:33,440 --> 00:54:36,279
Speaker 1: have a busy school work night that night, or you know,

1087
00:54:36,320 --> 00:54:39,000
Speaker 1: whatever stage your kids are in, put it on something else.

1088
00:54:39,080 --> 00:54:41,440
Speaker 1: Things are changing because of X y Z. The world's

1089
00:54:41,480 --> 00:54:43,680
Speaker 1: kind of getting back to normal, and so we need

1090
00:54:43,719 --> 00:54:45,719
Speaker 1: to have a little bit of family time. That's just

1091
00:54:45,760 --> 00:54:54,600
Speaker 1: our nuclear not nuclear nucule I'm usually yes. My parents

1092
00:54:54,640 --> 00:54:57,279
Speaker 1: actually they have a place in in Phoenix where they

1093
00:54:57,280 --> 00:54:59,440
Speaker 1: live half the year, and then they just sold my

1094
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:02,480
Speaker 1: childhood home this last year, and so they've spent a

1095
00:55:02,520 --> 00:55:06,000
Speaker 1: few weeks living in what we call the suite at

1096
00:55:06,040 --> 00:55:08,960
Speaker 1: my sister's house. They've got their own bedroom with a

1097
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:12,239
Speaker 1: bathroom and all that nice stuff. But when they are

1098
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:14,799
Speaker 1: fun with the kids popping in, I have teenage niece

1099
00:55:14,800 --> 00:55:17,480
Speaker 1: and nephew on that side. They'll leave the door open

1100
00:55:17,640 --> 00:55:19,480
Speaker 1: and when the door is open, the kids can come

1101
00:55:19,520 --> 00:55:22,359
Speaker 1: in talk about their day. But when they close the door,

1102
00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:25,360
Speaker 1: the kids know like grandma and Grandpa are not ready

1103
00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:28,720
Speaker 1: to chat, or they're having coffee together, or they're doing whatever,

1104
00:55:29,280 --> 00:55:31,520
Speaker 1: and so it's sort of their signal. But yeah, maybe

1105
00:55:31,520 --> 00:55:33,839
Speaker 1: there's some sort of a signal. And maybe it's also

1106
00:55:33,920 --> 00:55:36,000
Speaker 1: like we're going to do this and have the light

1107
00:55:36,080 --> 00:55:38,319
Speaker 1: on sometimes and have the light off sometimes, but we're

1108
00:55:38,320 --> 00:55:40,680
Speaker 1: also going to do game night every Sunday. So it's

1109
00:55:40,680 --> 00:55:43,919
Speaker 1: that sort of like creating a compromise before you even

1110
00:55:43,920 --> 00:55:50,280
Speaker 1: need to. Yeah, how old are your children? Six and one? Okay,

1111
00:55:50,360 --> 00:55:52,440
Speaker 1: well then you can totally pin it on them anyway,

1112
00:55:52,640 --> 00:55:58,040
Speaker 1: you know, right right right? She has such a help

1113
00:55:58,040 --> 00:56:01,080
Speaker 1: when she takes them, yeah eight, So I mean take

1114
00:56:01,080 --> 00:56:03,120
Speaker 1: advantage of the fact that she wants to take them

1115
00:56:03,200 --> 00:56:05,880
Speaker 1: and maybe lean in on that because that's a moment

1116
00:56:05,920 --> 00:56:08,839
Speaker 1: for you to be okay, some alone time. Yeah, maybe

1117
00:56:08,920 --> 00:56:11,279
Speaker 1: made into that and she's not. You know, setting up

1118
00:56:11,280 --> 00:56:13,719
Speaker 1: boundaries sounds like, oh, it's gonna be a conversation. It's

1119
00:56:13,760 --> 00:56:17,880
Speaker 1: gonna have hurt feelings, and it always does. But eventually,

1120
00:56:18,080 --> 00:56:21,560
Speaker 1: after the initial wear and tear of a conversation like that,

1121
00:56:22,080 --> 00:56:25,879
Speaker 1: it invokes respect in the relationship and both sides, you know,

1122
00:56:26,040 --> 00:56:28,239
Speaker 1: because people start to understand, oh, it's not just a

1123
00:56:28,239 --> 00:56:30,239
Speaker 1: free for all. I can't just show up because you know,

1124
00:56:30,239 --> 00:56:32,120
Speaker 1: if my best friend said to me, you can't stop you.

1125
00:56:32,440 --> 00:56:34,480
Speaker 1: I need you to call before you start coming over,

1126
00:56:34,600 --> 00:56:36,640
Speaker 1: I'd be like, wait, what I thought we had an

1127
00:56:36,680 --> 00:56:39,680
Speaker 1: understanding like I would feelings would be hurt. Oh sorry,

1128
00:56:39,960 --> 00:56:41,920
Speaker 1: my feelings would be hurt. My back is all fucked up,

1129
00:56:41,960 --> 00:56:45,279
Speaker 1: so I can't sit still. I'm just like, I don't

1130
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:48,719
Speaker 1: want you to think I'm masturbating during this call. I

1131
00:56:48,760 --> 00:56:53,520
Speaker 1: know it's a sexy subject, but feelings are hurt. But like,

1132
00:56:53,600 --> 00:56:56,600
Speaker 1: people do respect boundaries, so you just want to draw

1133
00:56:56,640 --> 00:56:59,080
Speaker 1: them lightly, put it out there in a certain way,

1134
00:56:59,120 --> 00:57:01,200
Speaker 1: like I want to be around the family, I love

1135
00:57:01,239 --> 00:57:04,120
Speaker 1: you to pieces, I'm noticing I'm needing a little bit

1136
00:57:04,120 --> 00:57:07,879
Speaker 1: more alone time, and so the nicest way you can

1137
00:57:07,920 --> 00:57:10,000
Speaker 1: say that and figure out the ways to get that

1138
00:57:10,080 --> 00:57:13,239
Speaker 1: alone time while maybe sometimes you're also providing her with

1139
00:57:13,320 --> 00:57:15,520
Speaker 1: time with the children. You know, it sounds like a

1140
00:57:15,560 --> 00:57:19,200
Speaker 1: good compromise. And then and you know what Catherine said.

1141
00:57:19,480 --> 00:57:21,560
Speaker 1: I mean, Colleen, you haven't chipped in yet or chimed

1142
00:57:21,600 --> 00:57:23,320
Speaker 1: in yet. Do you have anything you want to I

1143
00:57:23,400 --> 00:57:25,600
Speaker 1: agree a lot with what Catherine said. I think that

1144
00:57:25,680 --> 00:57:28,880
Speaker 1: you need to carve out time. I like the idea

1145
00:57:28,920 --> 00:57:31,720
Speaker 1: of actually having the conversation with your mom and just

1146
00:57:31,720 --> 00:57:34,440
Speaker 1: say maybe you even say, you know, this day and

1147
00:57:34,480 --> 00:57:37,560
Speaker 1: this day, we're busy with this. How about you come over,

1148
00:57:37,600 --> 00:57:39,960
Speaker 1: like she said, on Sunday for family game night, or

1149
00:57:40,280 --> 00:57:42,800
Speaker 1: you just make it certain days. I mean, I'm I'm

1150
00:57:42,840 --> 00:57:45,360
Speaker 1: super close with my family and I talked to them

1151
00:57:45,400 --> 00:57:48,160
Speaker 1: every single day and there are yeah, there are days

1152
00:57:48,200 --> 00:57:50,160
Speaker 1: I have nothing to say and it's just and I

1153
00:57:50,160 --> 00:57:52,800
Speaker 1: tell them I got nothing for you today. But you

1154
00:57:52,800 --> 00:57:57,200
Speaker 1: know what, it's about hearing their voice and and connecting

1155
00:57:57,240 --> 00:57:59,920
Speaker 1: with them because they need it as much as you do.

1156
00:58:00,640 --> 00:58:03,720
Speaker 1: And you're so lucky to have your mom be here,

1157
00:58:04,360 --> 00:58:07,960
Speaker 1: and one day she won't be And so for me,

1158
00:58:08,320 --> 00:58:12,360
Speaker 1: I'm getting emotional and I'm sorry, but um, she's been

1159
00:58:12,400 --> 00:58:14,640
Speaker 1: crying the whole episode, so I don't worry about it.

1160
00:58:14,760 --> 00:58:17,440
Speaker 1: My parents are here for two months visiting me, and

1161
00:58:17,480 --> 00:58:20,680
Speaker 1: it's such a blessing. And I try to see them

1162
00:58:20,720 --> 00:58:23,640
Speaker 1: every single day for some time, and they know they

1163
00:58:23,680 --> 00:58:27,040
Speaker 1: have boundaries and they're like, you guys, have your family time.

1164
00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:29,120
Speaker 1: We'll see you tomorrow. We're gonna we're gonna do our

1165
00:58:29,160 --> 00:58:32,840
Speaker 1: own thing today. And I really appreciate that because it does.

1166
00:58:32,920 --> 00:58:35,280
Speaker 1: It takes the pressure off of me. They know, you know,

1167
00:58:35,400 --> 00:58:38,480
Speaker 1: So if your mom's not really getting the hint, you know,

1168
00:58:38,840 --> 00:58:42,160
Speaker 1: have a conversation with her, just tell her how much

1169
00:58:42,200 --> 00:58:44,600
Speaker 1: you love her and you love seeing her, but you

1170
00:58:44,640 --> 00:58:47,080
Speaker 1: need some time. I mean, I'm a mom too, and

1171
00:58:47,200 --> 00:58:51,200
Speaker 1: it's hard and you need some alone time. Yeah, I mean,

1172
00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:53,000
Speaker 1: even if it's just you and your kids, you need

1173
00:58:53,080 --> 00:58:56,440
Speaker 1: just you and your kids sometimes, just so I get it.

1174
00:58:56,720 --> 00:58:58,760
Speaker 1: So just be gentle with her. She sounds like a

1175
00:58:58,800 --> 00:59:01,920
Speaker 1: lovely woman. She is, and I do love her so much.

1176
00:59:01,960 --> 00:59:04,200
Speaker 1: And I felt so guilty even writing this submission. I

1177
00:59:04,240 --> 00:59:05,800
Speaker 1: felt like I was like going behind her back and

1178
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:08,200
Speaker 1: betray or even just talking about her like this, because

1179
00:59:08,200 --> 00:59:11,320
Speaker 1: she is an amazing woman and we always have been

1180
00:59:11,360 --> 00:59:13,640
Speaker 1: so tight, and like I know, she's not here forever,

1181
00:59:14,280 --> 00:59:16,439
Speaker 1: and and she loves to remind me of that too.

1182
00:59:17,440 --> 00:59:20,360
Speaker 1: She'll say, you'll miss me one day. I'm like, I know,

1183
00:59:20,600 --> 00:59:24,800
Speaker 1: I know, but it's like you said, I think it's

1184
00:59:24,840 --> 00:59:27,600
Speaker 1: a good idea to just come at her in like

1185
00:59:27,640 --> 00:59:30,840
Speaker 1: a loving way, in a calm way, instead of kind

1186
00:59:30,840 --> 00:59:35,040
Speaker 1: of you're annoying me. Give me, because if you dont

1187
00:59:35,040 --> 00:59:36,840
Speaker 1: want to address it, it might come out that way.

1188
00:59:36,920 --> 00:59:40,000
Speaker 1: You know, it's good, And it has in the past

1189
00:59:40,040 --> 00:59:42,600
Speaker 1: where I have tried to address it and I have

1190
00:59:42,760 --> 00:59:44,919
Speaker 1: kind of like snapped a little bit, and she will

1191
00:59:45,080 --> 00:59:47,880
Speaker 1: like it does hurt her feelings. And you can think

1192
00:59:47,920 --> 00:59:49,800
Speaker 1: of just real quick, one time in particular, off the

1193
00:59:49,840 --> 00:59:51,680
Speaker 1: top of my head, I had just had a baby

1194
00:59:52,240 --> 00:59:56,400
Speaker 1: and my son was like five days old, and she

1195
00:59:56,640 --> 00:59:58,600
Speaker 1: just kept showing up and I'm like, mom, you've been

1196
00:59:58,600 --> 01:00:01,160
Speaker 1: here six times in the last five days, like I'm

1197
01:00:01,160 --> 01:00:04,440
Speaker 1: trying to figure out how to breastfeed. Our sleep schedules

1198
01:00:04,440 --> 01:00:08,080
Speaker 1: are completely all over the place, Like please just call

1199
01:00:08,240 --> 01:00:12,200
Speaker 1: before you come, and she just started crying. It's like okay, okay,

1200
01:00:13,520 --> 01:00:17,160
Speaker 1: oh God, that conversation didn't go the way I hoped,

1201
01:00:17,280 --> 01:00:20,080
Speaker 1: Like I just made her cry. She left, Yeah, that's

1202
01:00:20,880 --> 01:00:23,280
Speaker 1: another way to also go at it is to just

1203
01:00:23,360 --> 01:00:28,400
Speaker 1: blame yourself. I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed lately. I'm feeling irritable lately.

1204
01:00:28,840 --> 01:00:31,640
Speaker 1: I'm feeling like I need some more space. So if

1205
01:00:31,720 --> 01:00:34,840
Speaker 1: you can help me through this time by giving me

1206
01:00:34,880 --> 01:00:36,760
Speaker 1: a little bit of extra space and a little bit

1207
01:00:36,760 --> 01:00:39,760
Speaker 1: of a more alone time, I'd be so appreciative. You know,

1208
01:00:39,880 --> 01:00:42,840
Speaker 1: if you come at it like it's your issue, that

1209
01:00:43,120 --> 01:00:45,480
Speaker 1: is a really good, that's really good angle tof com

1210
01:00:45,760 --> 01:00:51,840
Speaker 1: come into conversation like that because it is me. Yeah, yeah,

1211
01:00:52,040 --> 01:00:54,280
Speaker 1: yeah it is. I mean, listen, everyone annoys the fucking

1212
01:00:54,280 --> 01:00:55,640
Speaker 1: ship out of me. So you don't have to tell

1213
01:00:55,680 --> 01:00:58,320
Speaker 1: me twice about your mother coming over too often. I

1214
01:00:58,320 --> 01:01:01,240
Speaker 1: don't have I get it, I get it. But thank you.

1215
01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:03,760
Speaker 1: I thought you would. That's why I wrote in I'm

1216
01:01:03,800 --> 01:01:07,160
Speaker 1: like you. You get it from all angles. You've experienced loss,

1217
01:01:07,800 --> 01:01:10,360
Speaker 1: and you also seem like the type of person that

1218
01:01:10,440 --> 01:01:14,360
Speaker 1: does like your own personal space. So I really appreciate

1219
01:01:14,400 --> 01:01:17,240
Speaker 1: your advice. Well, good luck, Ashley. Let us know how

1220
01:01:17,240 --> 01:01:21,680
Speaker 1: it goes. Thanks. I will and I absolutely love your book.

1221
01:01:21,960 --> 01:01:23,400
Speaker 1: Life Will Be the Death of Me has helped me

1222
01:01:23,400 --> 01:01:25,840
Speaker 1: out so much. Thank you so much for everything you

1223
01:01:25,840 --> 01:01:29,080
Speaker 1: put out into the world. It really does help. Oh, thanks, Ashley,

1224
01:01:29,120 --> 01:01:33,040
Speaker 1: I appreciate that. Welcome. You're welcome. Thank you, take care

1225
01:01:33,800 --> 01:01:37,920
Speaker 1: you too. Bye bye. All of our callers are always

1226
01:01:37,920 --> 01:01:42,680
Speaker 1: so cool. Yeah, they're cool. They're cute there, I love it,

1227
01:01:42,840 --> 01:01:46,200
Speaker 1: so nice, normal, they're not fucking weirdos, you know what

1228
01:01:46,320 --> 01:01:48,480
Speaker 1: I mean. Well, a couple of times, but usually those

1229
01:01:48,480 --> 01:01:52,320
Speaker 1: are men. Yeah, yeah, we try to avoid those. We

1230
01:01:52,400 --> 01:01:54,240
Speaker 1: are going to take a quick break so you can

1231
01:01:54,280 --> 01:02:00,120
Speaker 1: hear and add and then we'll be right back. So

1232
01:02:00,680 --> 01:02:06,280
Speaker 1: our next question comes from Caitlin. Caitlin says, Dear Chelsea,

1233
01:02:06,600 --> 01:02:08,720
Speaker 1: my eight year old daughter determined that the way for

1234
01:02:08,800 --> 01:02:11,360
Speaker 1: her to do whatever the funk she wants is to

1235
01:02:11,440 --> 01:02:14,760
Speaker 1: respond with I forgot you told me not to do that,

1236
01:02:15,080 --> 01:02:18,280
Speaker 1: or I didn't hear you say that. Engaging with her

1237
01:02:18,400 --> 01:02:21,360
Speaker 1: and entertaining her lame excuses is out of the question

1238
01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:24,440
Speaker 1: because I know it's all bullshit and I won't pretend otherwise.

1239
01:02:24,720 --> 01:02:27,080
Speaker 1: I want to wrap up these shenanigans without opening the

1240
01:02:27,120 --> 01:02:29,880
Speaker 1: conversation up for an argument. How would you handle the

1241
01:02:29,960 --> 01:02:32,320
Speaker 1: nieces and nephews that you've been saddled with if they

1242
01:02:32,360 --> 01:02:35,920
Speaker 1: tried to pull this ship. A five milligram gummy with

1243
01:02:35,960 --> 01:02:39,440
Speaker 1: a margarita definitely helps, but I appreciate any additional advice

1244
01:02:39,520 --> 01:02:44,160
Speaker 1: you can provide. Cheers, Caitlin. I think anytime she says

1245
01:02:44,200 --> 01:02:47,280
Speaker 1: anything like that, I didn't hear you, I don't remember

1246
01:02:47,360 --> 01:02:50,600
Speaker 1: you telling me that, then something there's a punishment that

1247
01:02:50,640 --> 01:02:53,960
Speaker 1: goes along with that because she wasn't paying attention or

1248
01:02:54,120 --> 01:02:57,240
Speaker 1: she's conveniently forgetting. So there has to be a repercussion

1249
01:02:57,600 --> 01:03:00,600
Speaker 1: for any time she says that, right, like whether it's

1250
01:03:00,640 --> 01:03:03,720
Speaker 1: screen time. Well it's eight years old, so I don't

1251
01:03:03,720 --> 01:03:06,040
Speaker 1: know if she's got a phone yet or what, but yeah,

1252
01:03:06,040 --> 01:03:09,840
Speaker 1: I nipped that in the bud right now. How she's eleven?

1253
01:03:10,560 --> 01:03:12,480
Speaker 1: And have you ever had to deal with this kind

1254
01:03:12,520 --> 01:03:17,200
Speaker 1: of thing? Yeah? Yeah, it is hard. It is hard

1255
01:03:17,240 --> 01:03:20,919
Speaker 1: because yeah, she'll say things and I know that she's

1256
01:03:20,920 --> 01:03:24,440
Speaker 1: not telling the truth, or it drives you nuts because

1257
01:03:24,440 --> 01:03:28,040
Speaker 1: you're like, no, you're I know, you're not telling the truth.

1258
01:03:28,080 --> 01:03:30,880
Speaker 1: I know, I know, you know. But there has to

1259
01:03:30,880 --> 01:03:33,880
Speaker 1: be repercussions for everything. There has to be. I mean,

1260
01:03:34,160 --> 01:03:37,880
Speaker 1: there was one time she was forgetting her jacket at school.

1261
01:03:38,280 --> 01:03:40,360
Speaker 1: She forget a lot of things, but this is just

1262
01:03:40,400 --> 01:03:44,360
Speaker 1: an example, but forgetting her jacket at school every day

1263
01:03:44,400 --> 01:03:46,680
Speaker 1: every day, and we'd lose jackets, they'd be gone, and

1264
01:03:46,720 --> 01:03:49,840
Speaker 1: I'm like, we can't keep buying you jackets. And it

1265
01:03:50,040 --> 01:03:52,919
Speaker 1: was just like, okay, well, you know what, the next

1266
01:03:52,920 --> 01:03:55,120
Speaker 1: time you forget it, you're gonna give me your phone

1267
01:03:55,120 --> 01:03:58,840
Speaker 1: for the day, and doesn't forget her jacket anymore. That

1268
01:03:59,000 --> 01:04:01,200
Speaker 1: was easy, you know. I mean, there has to be

1269
01:04:01,240 --> 01:04:04,000
Speaker 1: repercussions for things. So it's either if she has a

1270
01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:06,680
Speaker 1: phone that needs to be taken away with her anytime

1271
01:04:06,720 --> 01:04:09,840
Speaker 1: she forgets something or she doesn't hear something, then you

1272
01:04:09,880 --> 01:04:11,800
Speaker 1: can take away your phone. If she doesn't have a phone,

1273
01:04:11,840 --> 01:04:14,800
Speaker 1: make it screen time. I'm sure she loves the most.

1274
01:04:14,880 --> 01:04:17,360
Speaker 1: Whatever you take away, it's got to be a little

1275
01:04:17,360 --> 01:04:20,120
Speaker 1: bit hurtful. It's got to hurt a little bit. Yeah, yeah,

1276
01:04:20,240 --> 01:04:22,520
Speaker 1: take it away, take a couple of hours away at night,

1277
01:04:22,640 --> 01:04:25,200
Speaker 1: or take it away altogether. I mean, I'm all about that,

1278
01:04:25,240 --> 01:04:27,560
Speaker 1: But you know, parents are so scared of their children

1279
01:04:27,600 --> 01:04:31,320
Speaker 1: not on screen time anymore. Like, okay, I'd take it

1280
01:04:31,360 --> 01:04:34,520
Speaker 1: away completely. What will they do. I'm like, well, I

1281
01:04:34,520 --> 01:04:36,640
Speaker 1: don't know what the funk we did, which was not

1282
01:04:36,800 --> 01:04:40,400
Speaker 1: be on our screens, but Yeah, you have to instill

1283
01:04:40,440 --> 01:04:42,280
Speaker 1: Like I mean, she's doing that because she can get

1284
01:04:42,320 --> 01:04:44,680
Speaker 1: away with it, So stop letting her get away with it. Yeah,

1285
01:04:44,760 --> 01:04:49,920
Speaker 1: problem solved. Okay, and our last email comes from Darla.

1286
01:04:50,400 --> 01:04:52,919
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea. I'm a forty three year old single mother

1287
01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:56,240
Speaker 1: of two. I recently had a third child as a surrogate.

1288
01:04:56,640 --> 01:04:59,720
Speaker 1: Well before that, I was married in a loveless, sexless

1289
01:04:59,720 --> 01:05:02,640
Speaker 1: marror of ten years, and in between the marriage and

1290
01:05:02,640 --> 01:05:05,040
Speaker 1: the surrogacy, I was in a five year relationship with

1291
01:05:05,080 --> 01:05:08,360
Speaker 1: a struggling musician. Before I met the musician, I had

1292
01:05:08,400 --> 01:05:11,920
Speaker 1: never really enjoyed sex. When we came together, I was

1293
01:05:11,960 --> 01:05:14,760
Speaker 1: in my late thirties and had the first of many, many,

1294
01:05:14,800 --> 01:05:18,040
Speaker 1: many orgasms with that guy. I really feel like he

1295
01:05:18,120 --> 01:05:20,080
Speaker 1: saved me, and I feel like he was my true

1296
01:05:20,200 --> 01:05:22,960
Speaker 1: first love. As much as he says he wanted me

1297
01:05:23,080 --> 01:05:25,520
Speaker 1: and the kids to be his family, he never really

1298
01:05:25,520 --> 01:05:29,200
Speaker 1: blended well when we were all four together. I've always

1299
01:05:29,200 --> 01:05:31,880
Speaker 1: struggled with low self esteem, but I feel like I've

1300
01:05:31,920 --> 01:05:34,560
Speaker 1: overcome that to a large degree simply by getting older.

1301
01:05:35,200 --> 01:05:38,200
Speaker 1: But now, after having had three vaginal births and tearing

1302
01:05:38,280 --> 01:05:42,040
Speaker 1: pretty much the whole caslapis in this last delivery and

1303
01:05:42,080 --> 01:05:45,680
Speaker 1: completely wrecking my breasts with nursing and pumping. Think rocks

1304
01:05:45,680 --> 01:05:48,200
Speaker 1: and socks. Do I go back to the guy who

1305
01:05:48,240 --> 01:05:50,960
Speaker 1: I know isn't right but loves me and accepts my

1306
01:05:51,040 --> 01:05:54,880
Speaker 1: body we have unreal sexual chemistry. Or do I roll

1307
01:05:54,960 --> 01:05:57,640
Speaker 1: the dice and maybe go online for dating. I've never

1308
01:05:57,640 --> 01:06:00,000
Speaker 1: done that, By the way, I definitely want to partner,

1309
01:06:00,240 --> 01:06:03,919
Speaker 1: not casual random sex. Thanks Darla. I thought you said

1310
01:06:03,960 --> 01:06:07,120
Speaker 1: she's had her third child with a surrogate. She was

1311
01:06:07,160 --> 01:06:11,200
Speaker 1: the surrogate. Oh, she was a surrogate for someone else. Yes,

1312
01:06:11,600 --> 01:06:16,440
Speaker 1: so she's has two of her own children, okay, not three? Okay.

1313
01:06:16,440 --> 01:06:18,880
Speaker 1: So she's asking if she should go back to the

1314
01:06:18,920 --> 01:06:23,000
Speaker 1: guy that she has great sex with right but like

1315
01:06:23,040 --> 01:06:25,320
Speaker 1: not doesn't really jell with her with the family, or

1316
01:06:25,320 --> 01:06:29,720
Speaker 1: whether she should go online and find she should go

1317
01:06:29,800 --> 01:06:32,040
Speaker 1: and find someone else. She's got to find someone that

1318
01:06:32,600 --> 01:06:36,680
Speaker 1: accepts her family. I think he well, yeah, ay, and yeah,

1319
01:06:36,760 --> 01:06:38,960
Speaker 1: you have to find somebody who's like perfect all the

1320
01:06:38,960 --> 01:06:41,280
Speaker 1: way around, and he's got all the qualities that you're

1321
01:06:41,280 --> 01:06:43,680
Speaker 1: looking for, not one of them. Sexual chemistry is only

1322
01:06:43,720 --> 01:06:47,040
Speaker 1: one component of a relationship. Don't settle. We've been talking

1323
01:06:47,080 --> 01:06:50,360
Speaker 1: about this NonStop. Do not settle for anything less than

1324
01:06:50,400 --> 01:06:53,600
Speaker 1: what you deserve, and you decide what you deserve. And

1325
01:06:53,640 --> 01:06:55,960
Speaker 1: if you think that that's all you deserve is a

1326
01:06:56,000 --> 01:06:59,280
Speaker 1: good sexual chemistry partner, then then that's all you're gonna get.

1327
01:06:59,520 --> 01:07:01,360
Speaker 1: But I would say to set your standards a little

1328
01:07:01,360 --> 01:07:04,240
Speaker 1: bit higher and desire someone that's going to come in

1329
01:07:04,360 --> 01:07:07,439
Speaker 1: except your family for what it is and how many

1330
01:07:07,440 --> 01:07:10,000
Speaker 1: people there are, and be able to contribute in a

1331
01:07:10,040 --> 01:07:12,280
Speaker 1: meaningful way. Maybe they'll even have some family of their

1332
01:07:12,320 --> 01:07:15,440
Speaker 1: own that they're bringing to the table. And don't settle

1333
01:07:15,560 --> 01:07:20,040
Speaker 1: until you find exactly what you're looking for. Also, the

1334
01:07:20,160 --> 01:07:24,080
Speaker 1: language that she uses around her body like that, to

1335
01:07:24,160 --> 01:07:26,560
Speaker 1: me is like thing number one to deal with. Like,

1336
01:07:26,600 --> 01:07:29,439
Speaker 1: obviously this other guy thinks you're crazy hot. Someone else

1337
01:07:29,440 --> 01:07:31,360
Speaker 1: will think you're crazy hot. But I think you've got

1338
01:07:31,360 --> 01:07:33,480
Speaker 1: to fix some of the stuff that's going on inside

1339
01:07:33,600 --> 01:07:36,160
Speaker 1: and what happens when you look at yourself in the mirror,

1340
01:07:36,920 --> 01:07:40,280
Speaker 1: because I mean saying like, oh, my my breasts are

1341
01:07:40,360 --> 01:07:43,600
Speaker 1: rocks and stocks, like it just hurts my heart for her, Like,

1342
01:07:44,880 --> 01:07:48,360
Speaker 1: do some looking in the mirror and talking to yourself

1343
01:07:48,400 --> 01:07:51,400
Speaker 1: about how beautiful you are, even if it feels cringe

1344
01:07:51,440 --> 01:07:54,880
Speaker 1: e and fake and bullshit at the beginning. Do it.

1345
01:07:54,880 --> 01:07:58,080
Speaker 1: It will change the way you see yourself, Like get

1346
01:07:58,120 --> 01:08:01,240
Speaker 1: giggly and excited when you look at your yourself, even

1347
01:08:01,280 --> 01:08:03,360
Speaker 1: if it feels like lying to yourself, be like, oh

1348
01:08:03,400 --> 01:08:06,040
Speaker 1: my god, I look amazing today. There is something that

1349
01:08:06,080 --> 01:08:09,439
Speaker 1: it does in your psyche that when you do start

1350
01:08:09,520 --> 01:08:12,320
Speaker 1: dating again, people are going to be so attracted to

1351
01:08:12,360 --> 01:08:15,320
Speaker 1: that that like positive radiant energy you have because you're

1352
01:08:15,360 --> 01:08:18,160
Speaker 1: psyched about yourself and they'll be psyched about you too.

1353
01:08:18,920 --> 01:08:23,479
Speaker 1: Confidence is everything, too, have confidence in yourself and and

1354
01:08:23,840 --> 01:08:27,439
Speaker 1: know who you are. And yeah, don't settle, don't go back,

1355
01:08:27,560 --> 01:08:31,160
Speaker 1: look forward, look for someone new. Also, yeah, I sorry

1356
01:08:31,200 --> 01:08:33,680
Speaker 1: I skipped over that, Katherine. Thank you for bringing that though,

1357
01:08:33,800 --> 01:08:36,640
Speaker 1: Like it does feel like the timing isn't necessarily right

1358
01:08:36,680 --> 01:08:38,559
Speaker 1: for you to be like that to be your sole

1359
01:08:38,880 --> 01:08:43,040
Speaker 1: mode of operation is finding a man. Maybe you should

1360
01:08:43,160 --> 01:08:47,320
Speaker 1: spend a little bit more time with yourself and your girls,

1361
01:08:47,439 --> 01:08:49,679
Speaker 1: Like you've been through a lot. You just had another

1362
01:08:49,720 --> 01:08:53,479
Speaker 1: baby for somebody else, Like that's a lot, So I

1363
01:08:53,840 --> 01:08:57,120
Speaker 1: think you should take a time out and like reinvest

1364
01:08:57,160 --> 01:09:00,200
Speaker 1: yourself and yourself and your girls and your family or sorry,

1365
01:09:00,240 --> 01:09:01,439
Speaker 1: I don't know. If you have boys or girls, but

1366
01:09:01,920 --> 01:09:05,040
Speaker 1: in your family and and yeah, find the value in

1367
01:09:05,080 --> 01:09:08,599
Speaker 1: yourself and do a little inside work before you start

1368
01:09:08,680 --> 01:09:12,080
Speaker 1: to look for you know, another external factor to bring

1369
01:09:12,120 --> 01:09:17,479
Speaker 1: into your family dynamic. Yeah that's really good. Well fill

1370
01:09:17,560 --> 01:09:20,280
Speaker 1: us in. Let us know how it goes, Starla, keep

1371
01:09:20,360 --> 01:09:22,680
Speaker 1: us posted. Yeah, let us know. Well, let us know

1372
01:09:22,760 --> 01:09:26,439
Speaker 1: what develops and what doesn't develop. Yes, well, let's take

1373
01:09:26,439 --> 01:09:35,000
Speaker 1: a quick break and we'll be back with Colleen and Chelsea. Okay,

1374
01:09:35,040 --> 01:09:37,160
Speaker 1: we're back from our break. Colleen and I were gonna

1375
01:09:37,160 --> 01:09:39,599
Speaker 1: have a snack, but she's not eating anything bad, so

1376
01:09:39,680 --> 01:09:41,439
Speaker 1: we didn't have one. And now we're here we're just

1377
01:09:41,479 --> 01:09:46,640
Speaker 1: having water. Yeah, it's so great. How many meals do

1378
01:09:46,680 --> 01:09:49,720
Speaker 1: you have a day? Three? Or do you allow yourself? Okay,

1379
01:09:49,760 --> 01:09:51,439
Speaker 1: this is I'm going to tell people what I eat

1380
01:09:51,479 --> 01:09:53,920
Speaker 1: because a lot of people have been contacting me on

1381
01:09:54,040 --> 01:09:56,439
Speaker 1: Instagram and stuff asking what I'm just gonna tell you

1382
01:09:56,439 --> 01:10:00,000
Speaker 1: what I eat for breakfast, I have two hard boiled eggs.

1383
01:10:00,640 --> 01:10:04,800
Speaker 1: That's it. For lunch, I have chicken salad. I make

1384
01:10:04,880 --> 01:10:07,800
Speaker 1: chicken salad with a little mayo, and I eat Keto bread,

1385
01:10:07,920 --> 01:10:10,439
Speaker 1: so I make like a little Keto sandwich. That's lunch

1386
01:10:10,760 --> 01:10:13,680
Speaker 1: and then I eat a Keto bar from Costco. It's

1387
01:10:13,720 --> 01:10:17,240
Speaker 1: like a little chocolate keto bar, and I have that

1388
01:10:17,320 --> 01:10:19,719
Speaker 1: in between, and then for dinner, I have the Factor

1389
01:10:19,760 --> 01:10:23,160
Speaker 1: meal or I go to CPIK and get my special

1390
01:10:23,200 --> 01:10:25,240
Speaker 1: salad that I get at c p K. But yeah,

1391
01:10:25,240 --> 01:10:27,680
Speaker 1: I don't eat out all that often. My husband and

1392
01:10:27,720 --> 01:10:29,680
Speaker 1: I are both on this diet, so we're you know,

1393
01:10:30,240 --> 01:10:32,920
Speaker 1: but yeah, that's pretty much what I eat, and so yeah,

1394
01:10:32,960 --> 01:10:36,040
Speaker 1: I don't cheat. If I cheat, it's a keto dessert.

1395
01:10:37,160 --> 01:10:42,200
Speaker 1: So Colleen, Yes, we also love when our guests ask

1396
01:10:42,320 --> 01:10:44,280
Speaker 1: for a piece of advice from Chelsea. So is there

1397
01:10:44,280 --> 01:10:48,040
Speaker 1: anything you'd like to ask Chelsea about? Well, I'm gonna

1398
01:10:48,040 --> 01:10:52,240
Speaker 1: ask Chelsea a question about health because I really admire

1399
01:10:53,040 --> 01:10:56,160
Speaker 1: and now she has Ben Bruno. You've got a trainer.

1400
01:10:56,439 --> 01:10:59,760
Speaker 1: I don't have that, but but I your body's a

1401
01:10:59,840 --> 01:11:04,200
Speaker 1: main thing. Thank you and your pictures in your bikinis.

1402
01:11:04,280 --> 01:11:06,800
Speaker 1: I I'm like, okay, my goal. I've never worn a

1403
01:11:06,800 --> 01:11:11,200
Speaker 1: bikini ever ever, so my goal is to look good

1404
01:11:11,240 --> 01:11:13,400
Speaker 1: in a bikini. It doesn't have to be perfect. But

1405
01:11:14,240 --> 01:11:16,320
Speaker 1: I got the pooch still, I had a baby, I

1406
01:11:16,360 --> 01:11:20,120
Speaker 1: have the belly. I want to know how I can

1407
01:11:20,280 --> 01:11:23,719
Speaker 1: tone my stomach. What exercises I can do at home

1408
01:11:24,280 --> 01:11:27,040
Speaker 1: to just give me. I hate sit ups? I hate them,

1409
01:11:27,080 --> 01:11:29,680
Speaker 1: so please don't tell me sit ups. But something I

1410
01:11:29,720 --> 01:11:32,280
Speaker 1: don't know what to do to tone the stomach muscles,

1411
01:11:32,320 --> 01:11:35,479
Speaker 1: to make me. You know, I don't have any definition yet,

1412
01:11:35,560 --> 01:11:39,040
Speaker 1: So okay, I will tell you what I what my

1413
01:11:39,120 --> 01:11:43,280
Speaker 1: experience has been. I with your diet that you're eating,

1414
01:11:43,360 --> 01:11:45,320
Speaker 1: I don't know how long you go without eating food.

1415
01:11:45,360 --> 01:11:46,880
Speaker 1: Is it like three to four hours or is it

1416
01:11:46,920 --> 01:11:50,120
Speaker 1: five to six? Like? What is it? I don't know.

1417
01:11:50,160 --> 01:11:52,080
Speaker 1: I'm like two hours, I'll eat, I'll eat a bar.

1418
01:11:52,280 --> 01:11:55,480
Speaker 1: So okay, So I would say to try this every

1419
01:11:55,560 --> 01:11:57,519
Speaker 1: so when I get my leanness, Like if I have

1420
01:11:57,560 --> 01:11:59,639
Speaker 1: a photo shoot, this is what I do. I eat

1421
01:12:00,040 --> 01:12:02,519
Speaker 1: and then I set my alarm and in between three

1422
01:12:02,600 --> 01:12:05,160
Speaker 1: you have to wait three to four hours and then

1423
01:12:05,200 --> 01:12:07,840
Speaker 1: I eat again. It could be something small, it could

1424
01:12:07,840 --> 01:12:10,840
Speaker 1: be a full meal, whatever, but every three to four

1425
01:12:10,880 --> 01:12:14,000
Speaker 1: hours to feed your body is how you get the

1426
01:12:14,040 --> 01:12:17,280
Speaker 1: remaining last five pounds off. And you don't have to

1427
01:12:17,280 --> 01:12:20,200
Speaker 1: do sit ups because as soon as your ribs, like

1428
01:12:20,479 --> 01:12:23,160
Speaker 1: as soon as I start doing that, my fat just starts.

1429
01:12:23,360 --> 01:12:25,880
Speaker 1: Because you need the fat to burn the fat, right,

1430
01:12:25,920 --> 01:12:28,960
Speaker 1: so you can't deprive yourself a fat. So what you're doing,

1431
01:12:29,000 --> 01:12:31,400
Speaker 1: your plan is working. But I would just say time it.

1432
01:12:31,640 --> 01:12:34,519
Speaker 1: Don't eat every two hours, eat every three to four

1433
01:12:34,560 --> 01:12:36,920
Speaker 1: hours with student wherever you're hungry between those three to

1434
01:12:37,000 --> 01:12:39,960
Speaker 1: four hours, and see if that makes a difference, because

1435
01:12:39,960 --> 01:12:42,760
Speaker 1: that's a way to kick start your metabolism. And that's

1436
01:12:43,680 --> 01:12:45,599
Speaker 1: to have to get ready for anything, okay, because there's

1437
01:12:45,640 --> 01:12:48,840
Speaker 1: like that last you know, five pounds and it's and

1438
01:12:49,000 --> 01:12:51,320
Speaker 1: I have I've had a baby, whatever, but I mean

1439
01:12:51,560 --> 01:12:55,040
Speaker 1: it's I'm not bikini ready yet, so I would like to,

1440
01:12:55,640 --> 01:12:59,559
Speaker 1: you know, put on my bikini too and feel good

1441
01:12:59,600 --> 01:13:01,479
Speaker 1: in it. Us feel good. And even if you're not

1442
01:13:01,560 --> 01:13:03,360
Speaker 1: hungry with the three or fours, I know you will

1443
01:13:03,400 --> 01:13:06,479
Speaker 1: because you eat pretty consistently, right, Like if you need

1444
01:13:06,520 --> 01:13:08,360
Speaker 1: to split it up, Like the more you can do

1445
01:13:08,439 --> 01:13:10,680
Speaker 1: that throughout the day, the more meals you can have,

1446
01:13:10,720 --> 01:13:14,000
Speaker 1: the better. Like five small meals is better than four

1447
01:13:14,040 --> 01:13:17,559
Speaker 1: small meals because it just keeps burning your fat and

1448
01:13:17,640 --> 01:13:19,639
Speaker 1: it gets in there to those areas that are hard

1449
01:13:19,680 --> 01:13:22,559
Speaker 1: to lose. So yeah, I'm doing it right now. And

1450
01:13:22,640 --> 01:13:24,719
Speaker 1: I mean I can already tell I've lost body fat

1451
01:13:25,760 --> 01:13:27,320
Speaker 1: and I've been doing it. It It takes you'll see a

1452
01:13:27,360 --> 01:13:29,439
Speaker 1: difference in four or five days. But I wanted to

1453
01:13:29,439 --> 01:13:31,559
Speaker 1: hear what happens with that with the diet thing too.

1454
01:13:31,880 --> 01:13:35,840
Speaker 1: So you'll see a post and I'm keen and I'll

1455
01:13:35,880 --> 01:13:44,440
Speaker 1: tell you, yeah, exactly Fitness for Life Chelsea Hammer. Well,

1456
01:13:44,720 --> 01:13:47,080
Speaker 1: do you want to plug any socials or anything? Colleen?

1457
01:13:47,400 --> 01:13:50,559
Speaker 1: That's fine, Colleen, What am I? I don't even know.

1458
01:13:51,200 --> 01:13:55,320
Speaker 1: She tried to get the handle dumb dumb. She's like,

1459
01:13:55,360 --> 01:13:57,080
Speaker 1: I'm not on Instagram or anything, and she's like, I'm

1460
01:13:57,120 --> 01:14:02,120
Speaker 1: gonna get the handle, dumb dumb on Instagram. Colleen underscore Saragosa.

1461
01:14:02,240 --> 01:14:04,760
Speaker 1: There you go. There you go. You can follow me

1462
01:14:04,800 --> 01:14:07,400
Speaker 1: there or ask me any questions and I'll get back

1463
01:14:07,400 --> 01:14:10,679
Speaker 1: to you. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you.

1464
01:14:10,840 --> 01:14:13,240
Speaker 1: This was so much fun, so much fun. I'm so

1465
01:14:13,280 --> 01:14:16,080
Speaker 1: glad you came. Thank you, Colleen, Thank you, Gathrie. Where's

1466
01:14:16,120 --> 01:14:22,200
Speaker 1: Joe Koy because I need to meet him here. Oh

1467
01:14:22,240 --> 01:14:24,920
Speaker 1: my goodness, I said, I need to shake the hand

1468
01:14:25,040 --> 01:14:31,760
Speaker 1: of the man. Okay, stand up dates. I have Winnipeg

1469
01:14:31,880 --> 01:14:34,679
Speaker 1: coming up March tenth and March eleventh. There are still

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01:14:34,720 --> 01:14:36,960
Speaker 1: tickets to the second show, which I believe the second

1471
01:14:36,960 --> 01:14:39,599
Speaker 1: show was added on the tenth. Yes, we have two

1472
01:14:39,600 --> 01:14:42,680
Speaker 1: shows coming up in Toronto March twelve. You can get

1473
01:14:42,680 --> 01:14:45,840
Speaker 1: tickets to the late show still for that, and then

1474
01:14:45,840 --> 01:14:48,800
Speaker 1: I'm going to Ottawa, and then I picked back up

1475
01:14:48,800 --> 01:14:51,960
Speaker 1: in Cedar, Rapids, Des Moines and Omaha April fourteen fift

1476
01:14:52,920 --> 01:14:57,639
Speaker 1: and then every weekend and through July. So pick your

1477
01:14:57,680 --> 01:15:00,400
Speaker 1: tickets up, go buy them at Chelsea hand the dot

1478
01:15:00,400 --> 01:15:03,759
Speaker 1: com and you'll see me on my People's Choice Award

1479
01:15:04,080 --> 01:15:09,360
Speaker 1: winning comedy tour, the best tour of one and even

1480
01:15:09,400 --> 01:15:12,720
Speaker 1: though it's I consider it to be the best tour

1481
01:15:12,760 --> 01:15:16,600
Speaker 1: of two as well. Thank you also for tickets to

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01:15:16,680 --> 01:15:20,360
Speaker 1: Vancouver and Calgary. I really apologize for all the changing

1483
01:15:20,360 --> 01:15:22,960
Speaker 1: of dates, but now the Grammys have been rescheduled for

1484
01:15:23,000 --> 01:15:25,920
Speaker 1: the day that I was going to reschedule my Vancouver dates.

1485
01:15:26,360 --> 01:15:29,040
Speaker 1: And I don't get nominated for Grammys very often people,

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01:15:29,080 --> 01:15:31,120
Speaker 1: so I have to go to those. So we are

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01:15:31,360 --> 01:15:35,479
Speaker 1: rescheduling again the Vancouver and Calgary dates. They are most

1488
01:15:35,560 --> 01:15:37,719
Speaker 1: likely to be rescheduled in August. But you can always

1489
01:15:37,760 --> 01:15:40,639
Speaker 1: check my website we will update or Instagram or Twitter.

1490
01:15:40,760 --> 01:15:43,000
Speaker 1: We updated all the time and as soon as we

1491
01:15:43,080 --> 01:15:45,760
Speaker 1: have those dates locked in, you will hear about it,

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01:15:45,880 --> 01:15:49,280
Speaker 1: so my apologies and any tickets you have will be

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01:15:49,320 --> 01:15:52,000
Speaker 1: honored for those new rescheduled dates. And if you like

1494
01:15:52,080 --> 01:15:54,759
Speaker 1: to get advice from Chelsea and one of her guests,

1495
01:15:54,960 --> 01:16:00,680
Speaker 1: please write into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com