Speaker 1: Hi, Hi, how are you.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm good. I'm really okay. I'm actually decently rested,
Speaker 2: which is great, and things are okay good, Yeah, look good,
Speaker 2: thank you. Okay. So this is Brack. We've spoken him before.
Speaker 2: I don't like the term life coach, but that's what
Speaker 2: he is. But it's sort of like a term that
Speaker 2: gets shade because it seems like sort of faux spiritual,
Speaker 2: touchy feely, weird, seminar ish. But Brack is actually a
Speaker 2: life coach. He's the real deal.
Speaker 1: I'm almost trained myself to kind of listen to what
Speaker 1: people aren't saying, right, but you know that that's what's
Speaker 1: behind the scenes, so that I can so that I
Speaker 1: can direct people, and I really clear way of kind
Speaker 1: of are they doing the right thing with the right
Speaker 1: person in the right situation.
Speaker 2: Because they're presenting to you off of what they want
Speaker 2: you to hear, but you're seeing what is.
Speaker 1: I'm listening to. I'm listening to what they're not saying.
Speaker 1: A lot of times that makes sense. Yeah, so I
Speaker 1: think that's probably a good probably good you know, entree
Speaker 1: to the conversation.
Speaker 2: Okay, so some reason, not for some reason, but there's
Speaker 2: this convergence in things that I think about and talk
Speaker 2: about with like personal relationships that are maybe not romantic
Speaker 2: to romantic relationships to business. And the reason I say
Speaker 2: that is why you know, it's not just that getting
Speaker 2: married and signing a document is a business arrangement, but
Speaker 2: it is there. It's a deal that two people make
Speaker 2: and what are they bringing to the table. And because
Speaker 2: I'm so knowledgeable in business and I am actually knowledgeable
Speaker 2: in relationships too, but been more successful in business, I
Speaker 2: know that they're not the same and you can't approach
Speaker 2: them the same way. And coaches will say that often
Speaker 2: people that are good in business think that they can
Speaker 2: approach them the same way. But there are some things
Speaker 2: that I do see in like metaphorically and analogy analogies
Speaker 2: like saying if someone else is not meeting you where
Speaker 2: you're at, or meeting you fifty percent at some points
Speaker 2: and I'm sure will ebb and flow, then it might
Speaker 2: not be the right relationship. And I find that in
Speaker 2: business you could end a partnership in a similar way
Speaker 2: that you feel you might want to end a partnership
Speaker 2: in relationships, like wait, I'm the giving tree, I'm giving
Speaker 2: and the other person is taking but not I'm not
Speaker 2: getting back what I'm giving, Like, there's no not as
Speaker 2: much of an ROI. So do you agree with that
Speaker 2: there are similarities?
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I think that there's absolutely similarities. First all,
Speaker 1: I have human beings involved, and so those those contracts
Speaker 1: can be absolutely similar and intersect in terms of you know,
Speaker 1: similar applications. The component of what did Plato say years ago,
Speaker 1: thousands of years ago that love is a grave mental disease,
Speaker 1: So it offers up a whole other component. Though in
Speaker 1: a relationship you will stay a lot of times a
Speaker 1: lot longer than you might stay in a business partnership, right,
Speaker 1: you know, You'll you'll have kids involved, so you'll think, well,
Speaker 1: what's the what's the right to decision? Is it best
Speaker 1: to leave a situation that's bad for the kids? Is
Speaker 1: it best to stay in this situation for the kids.
Speaker 1: So there's there's a lot more nuances that take place.
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that the financial aspects of a business partnership,
Speaker 1: you know, or an in relationship don't come into play.
Speaker 1: They're just I just think there they are really two
Speaker 1: different animals, right and and and as you said, to
Speaker 1: your point that a lot of times people who feel
Speaker 1: that they've got an expertise in one area, think they've
Speaker 1: got an expertise in another area, right, and they actually don't.
Speaker 1: You know. So you've got to kind of know where
Speaker 1: you where you lead, where you follow, where you you
Speaker 1: need to collaborate, where you need to let go of something.
Speaker 1: But you know, I think we use to say mapplic
Speaker 1: we're successful if there's if we're successful in business, we
Speaker 1: use that application and relationships and they don't necessarily work.
Speaker 1: I would say, if you have a football coach, given that,
Speaker 1: you know, got the Super Bowl coming up, right, who's
Speaker 1: screaming and yelling, going, you know, at his players and
Speaker 1: talking to them in a particular right, there's a particular
Speaker 1: contract about that, right, Well, if he goes home and
Speaker 1: does the same thing, right, you know. It's so it's
Speaker 1: really understanding the differences and the nuances and how to
Speaker 1: apply that and having that mobility in mental mobility, emotional mobility,
Speaker 1: so you can actually you know, shift and people are
Speaker 1: you know, and people can get pretty singular.
Speaker 2: And I think sometimes some of the concepts in some
Speaker 2: of the takeaway that people like you or a dating
Speaker 2: coach or a matchmaker or a therapist give, it's kind
Speaker 2: of like religion, where if you if you like, you
Speaker 2: say like if it works for you that if cilantro
Speaker 2: is working in the recipe for you, great, If not,
Speaker 2: throw it out, will try something else, like it doesn't.
Speaker 2: Just like medicine, you could be on one thing for antidepression.
Speaker 2: It could work, it could not work, and then it
Speaker 2: could not work after a while. It's like, you know
Speaker 2: anything else that works for you or doesn't? So what
Speaker 2: this dating coach who came on this show said something
Speaker 2: that resonated with me and my audience, which was, if
Speaker 2: you're dating or guess let's say getting into a relationship,
Speaker 2: you want to get into a relationships, you are the CEO,
Speaker 2: and you are hiring for this position. He would say
Speaker 2: to both sides the same thing. He's not talking to
Speaker 2: two people in a couple's relationship in that way, he's
Speaker 2: coaching one person, but if you were coaching the other person,
Speaker 2: he would be saying the same thing because he believes that.
Speaker 2: I think what he's saying is that people are just
Speaker 2: accepting so much that they don't deserve because they're not
Speaker 2: seeing clearly when it comes to relationships. Meaning let's say
Speaker 2: that you are hiring for this position. It's very important
Speaker 2: to you. Whatever the position is, it's going to help
Speaker 2: your overall life. Your business life, will help your personal
Speaker 2: life and the way you feel every day. And I
Speaker 2: know that from personal experience with people that I work
Speaker 2: with in business, it can really drag you down and
Speaker 2: it can really like affect your life. And if I'm
Speaker 2: strict about someone that I'm hiring for the position that
Speaker 2: I've said that I know what it is, and I've
Speaker 2: sometimes broken that diet. Sometimes beforehand I've been like, well,
Speaker 2: this person can't do this and they can't do that,
Speaker 2: but they gave good interview, and then you end up unhappy.
Speaker 2: And so he believes that you should treat your dating
Speaker 2: life that way, meaning they're supposed to come in and
Speaker 2: if they're not doing the things that would fulfill that
Speaker 2: role that you've already said that you know that you need,
Speaker 2: then then they should be fired. That's how he feels,
Speaker 2: not maybe in marriage, because you've already have those other elements,
Speaker 2: but like you're dating, what do you think about that?
Speaker 1: No, I mean, I think that's I think that's pretty
Speaker 1: spot on in terms of what you're looking at. I'd
Speaker 1: probably would. I mean, like all of us are probably
Speaker 1: doing terminology to that rather than say so, I mean,
Speaker 1: I think that people, you know, a lot of times
Speaker 1: are just as to his point, are accepting, well, someone
Speaker 1: wants me, so that's good enough, right, that's right, that's
Speaker 1: enough due diligence for me to actually, you know, say okay,
Speaker 1: that's fine. And you can see that how problematic it
Speaker 1: is down the road, right, that not using enough of
Speaker 1: their own voice, their own discernment to determine is this
Speaker 1: really good fit? And then chemistry comes in is involved.
Speaker 1: So a lot of times I think things are dysfunctional
Speaker 1: chemistry like oh I'm not enough ful, great, I'm great,
Speaker 1: and let's get together. Right. So you know, so those
Speaker 1: elements people make choices based on really inaccurate data, right,
Speaker 1: A lot of times there they'll they'll commit to a
Speaker 1: lifetime just based on chemistry when maybe that down the
Speaker 1: road is going to be really problematic. Right, And and
Speaker 1: you know we talked about that in the last session,
Speaker 1: where charm like after two years you want to kill
Speaker 1: the person, you know, bait and it comes nauseating. So
Speaker 1: so you know, I think that's what kind of like
Speaker 1: age gives you a little bit more when you're young,
Speaker 1: you'll just commit to your expectations and you're and what
Speaker 1: you want or what you think you want rather than
Speaker 1: what might be actually really sustainable and grows and gets
Speaker 1: better over time.
Speaker 2: Well, that's why what you were saying in the beginning
Speaker 2: about what someone's not saying. So what I didn't say,
Speaker 2: which was the original TikTok I was talking about, was
Speaker 2: the comments someone said. Let's say, I'm paraphrasing, but I
Speaker 2: think it was exactly this, like, don't date who you
Speaker 2: want them to be. Yeah, so what about that? Because
Speaker 2: do people change? Do they not change? Can you? What
Speaker 2: if you do have amazing chemistry, But it's more than chemistry.
Speaker 2: What if the person is like minded, they are going
Speaker 2: in the same direction, they have the same feeling about family,
Speaker 2: or there are a lot of things that's not just
Speaker 2: wanting to have sex with them, but there are some
Speaker 2: key fundamentals. Is what if someone is what if I
Speaker 2: want to change? What if they want to change? How
Speaker 2: much can people actually change or not at all?
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, first of all, I mean that's the business.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm the business of change. I mean in
Speaker 1: a very concrete way. But I also think it's legitimate
Speaker 1: when people say, well you know people don't really change.
Speaker 1: I think both both of those questions, even though seem contradictory,
Speaker 1: are correct. What heads, So.
Speaker 2: Let's get into that because I agree, but I want
Speaker 2: to I think that's why I'm saying it, because I
Speaker 2: believe people can evolve or change. But then also I
Speaker 2: think someone that you can't make a dog a cat.
Speaker 2: So we're saying the same thing. But I want like
Speaker 2: to break it down with you because I think it's
Speaker 2: an important thing that people run around circles in their
Speaker 2: heads convincing themselves and really don't know the actual answer
Speaker 2: or the exceptions.
Speaker 1: So to answer, to get into it, or to break
Speaker 1: it down. There's there's certain stimulus of course, that prompts change.
Speaker 1: Health breakdowns can prompt or change financial problems. The fires, yes,
Speaker 1: are prompting in extraordinary change. Now you know LA has
Speaker 1: got great resilience. But you know we got to work
Speaker 1: on sustainability. Can we sustain the generosity the community to
Speaker 1: build the dream from a different context? Right? So the
Speaker 1: only thing, the only way that something changes is something's
Speaker 1: more important than something else. Yes, So yes, that is
Speaker 1: the key. So sobriety is more important than you know,
Speaker 1: drinking or alcohol or whatever, or that you know, character
Speaker 1: is more important than reputation. So something has to be
Speaker 1: more important than something else, and there can be stimulus.
Speaker 2: Is to that, I was just, oh my god, I
Speaker 2: love you so much. Okay, great, I'm excited we're going
Speaker 2: in this direction.
Speaker 1: So stimulus can as I said, it could be healthy,
Speaker 1: financial can be another person, like I love this person
Speaker 1: so much, I'm willing to do what it takes without
Speaker 1: a compromising your essence.
Speaker 2: You're saying the effective. Something has to happen for something
Speaker 2: to happen. So it could be the fires, It could
Speaker 2: be someone hits rock bottom. It could be someone does
Speaker 2: it realizes what it's like to be without the other
Speaker 2: person they need. But there needs to be a stimulus program.
Speaker 2: It can't just be because otherwise people get atrophied in
Speaker 2: that dynamic, right, like of what it is, you're eating junk,
Speaker 2: you're unhealthy, and you're the wife sitting by watching your
Speaker 2: husband kill themselves. Whatever it is.
Speaker 1: Yes, so there has to be some prompt okay that
Speaker 1: allows for that change, and it has to be important
Speaker 1: enough that you feel like and because people will make
Speaker 1: outther therapy twice or they may go see a coach
Speaker 1: a few times. But to have that sustain you really
Speaker 1: do have to do whatever it takes. Now, why this
Speaker 1: is so difficult for people when people say, well not,
Speaker 1: no one really changes because that voice in your head
Speaker 1: after you've taken a few actions, if you don't see
Speaker 1: immediate results, a lot of people they don't go back
Speaker 1: to their original behavior.
Speaker 2: Or you might see immediate results and think I'm done,
Speaker 2: I'm cured, let's go. I don't need it.
Speaker 1: Any dat as well, So to really make a change,
Speaker 1: because the voice in most people sads is like, Okay,
Speaker 1: if you make this change, you're also going to lose
Speaker 1: you know, your your talents, your qualities, your your abilities.
Speaker 1: You know, we talk about the charm. If I if
Speaker 1: I intervene in charm for integrity, I'm going to lose
Speaker 1: all my you know, skills.
Speaker 2: Or if I stop drinking, I won't be fun and entertaining.
Speaker 1: I won't be entertaining, right. I think there was a
Speaker 1: Seinfeld so like fun yeah, fun bad Yeah, right, like
Speaker 1: hey fun, Bobby is coming over. Well he stopped drinking
Speaker 1: and he's no fun.
Speaker 2: Right, So that was the Housewives entire a lot of.
Speaker 1: But that's but that's a myth. By the way. As
Speaker 1: far as i'm I think that if you really introduce change,
Speaker 1: and you really make those changes, it enhances all your qualities.
Speaker 1: It enhances all your existing qualities. I think it's a
Speaker 1: myth that you're going to lose those things.
Speaker 2: I do too, and I also think that this is
Speaker 2: why I'm making parallels. In business. You could have a
Speaker 2: business partner that's good in many ways, but maybe it's
Speaker 2: the way they speak to you, or maybe it's the dynamic.
Speaker 2: So let's say you are the personally what you're saying.
Speaker 1: Building great teams. That's been one of my you know,
Speaker 1: one of my intentions and specialties is to build great teams.
Speaker 1: You'll know that the lane that they're in, and they
Speaker 1: know how to stay in their lane, and how to
Speaker 1: work with other people in their lane, and all of
Speaker 1: those kinds of dynamics make a successful business.
Speaker 2: Of course, by the way, this synergy is the whole thing,
Speaker 2: and often it comes in unlikely packages. Meaning my greatest
Speaker 2: partnerships are my partnership with Michael, my relief work partner,
Speaker 2: and David Kambar, my Skinny Girl partner. And I want
Speaker 2: to kill them both like I want to, and I
Speaker 2: have wanted to kill them both, that they wanted to
Speaker 2: kill me both. But they both have the right temperament
Speaker 2: for me and vice versa, and their opposites in many ways.
Speaker 2: And they let me be who I am and I've
Speaker 2: let them be who they It's just interesting, but they
Speaker 2: are completely No one ever set us up for business
Speaker 2: or for relief. I found them on my own. Ever. Really,
Speaker 2: you and this personality should be together. Never.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's been that's been true. That's been true
Speaker 1: for me as well, both in in my relationship, in
Speaker 1: my marriage as well as in my business partnerships. If
Speaker 1: you left it up to kind of my ego or
Speaker 1: what I thought was the perfect match, yeah, we would
Speaker 1: have never picked those people.
Speaker 2: Interesting, Okay, so that's great. So so you're the person
Speaker 2: who wants the other person to change. You're the person
Speaker 2: whose husband drinks too much. You're the person who doesn't.
Speaker 2: They don't think remember you on the anniversary of the
Speaker 2: flowers they're taking you for granted, you're the giving tree.
Speaker 2: People say someone has to change on their own. But
Speaker 2: like you're saying, but that doesn't mean we're going to
Speaker 2: sit in the definition of insanity. I'm married to you,
Speaker 2: and we're going to keep making the same mistake. So
Speaker 2: there has to be the stimulus. So it has to
Speaker 2: be what that the one person is going to be
Speaker 2: self respecting enough or in their business saying I am
Speaker 2: going to own my part and I'm going to do
Speaker 2: fifty percent, but I'm not going to do ninety percent.
Speaker 2: So when I am only doing fifty percent, the partnership
Speaker 2: will suffer and the other person will realize, like, where
Speaker 2: does that stimulus come from? For that person that wants
Speaker 2: to change the other person but knows that you can't
Speaker 2: change another person, they have to change themselves.
Speaker 1: But before before that, I think think we have to
Speaker 1: you have to determine when you're looking on your kind
Speaker 1: of forging out of partnership, proposing whatever you're doing, you
Speaker 1: have to really have a set I mean, like.
Speaker 2: You're saying someone's going to propose marriage. I have to
Speaker 2: decide that's the right person.
Speaker 1: Okay. You have to have a strong sense of does
Speaker 1: this person have the ability to fulfill in that area?
Speaker 1: Really you really have to know that so so that
Speaker 1: they're complimentary skills. So, I mean, I think a lot
Speaker 1: of times our expectations are unrealistic because that person's never
Speaker 1: going to be there's certain people are really brilliant at math,
Speaker 1: and certain people are great, you know, just like you know,
Speaker 1: are great entrepreneurs, and certain people are great at executing
Speaker 1: other people's intentions. And people can originate ideas. A lot
Speaker 1: of times people want to be what they're not, or
Speaker 1: they want to keep trying to provide what they don't have.
Speaker 1: So I think a lot of times in those relationships,
Speaker 1: you know, people are having really unrealistic expectations of what
Speaker 1: the person can actually fulfill on and then they get
Speaker 1: frustrated with that. And in most and in dating, people
Speaker 1: are promoting things that they're not necessary, that are necessarily true.
Speaker 1: You know, they're morning, they're showing, they're putting the best
Speaker 1: foot forward. So so I think that kind of like
Speaker 1: doing that due diligence and understanding, Oh you know this
Speaker 1: is this person's really great at emotional access, this person
Speaker 1: is really great at you know, providing you know, creative
Speaker 1: and creative expression, and understanding that so that you have
Speaker 1: complimentary skills.
Speaker 2: And the reason it's very different with business too, is
Speaker 2: that in business, in many cases, people want to make money. Yeah,
Speaker 2: turn the brand. It's three things you want to do.
Speaker 2: You want to either have generational wealth and pass this
Speaker 2: businesses on to your kids. You have a great idea,
Speaker 2: you want to sell the brand, you want to you know,
Speaker 2: employ a bunch of people, You're going to send it
Speaker 2: all to already cash out whatever. There's five options of
Speaker 2: what real true entrepreneurs want with a relationship. Are you
Speaker 2: healing your relationship with your mother? Do you just not
Speaker 2: want to be alone? Do you want to be rich?
Speaker 2: Do you want to have good sex? Do you want
Speaker 2: to be with a hot guy or girl? Do you
Speaker 2: want Luck's goods? Like, there's a thousand different things, And
Speaker 2: how do people determine what's supposed to be the most
Speaker 2: important for them versus what their parents want, or what
Speaker 2: society wants, or what they think they want? Like, is
Speaker 2: someone supposed to write a list? Like what are people
Speaker 2: supposed to do to decide what they actually want?
Speaker 1: Well, I mean i've I mean I have found or
Speaker 1: I'm not saying this is necessarily true, it's just something.
Speaker 1: It's just my experience is that a relationship is really
Speaker 1: designed for evolution. And that's what I see. So that means, okay,
Speaker 1: your own personal evolution, the collective evolution of the two people,
Speaker 1: or polyamorous relationships, the collective evolution of that as well
Speaker 1: as the procreation of the species, like you know that
Speaker 1: we leave you know, we're leaving people better off, like
Speaker 1: our children are better than we.
Speaker 2: Were, right, Okay, yeah, so if which is which is
Speaker 2: literally evolution?
Speaker 1: So if that's the context, okay, with that as a context, right,
Speaker 1: because people go into most relationships to be happy, and
Speaker 1: I think that's a setup for a disaster, right because
Speaker 1: at some point that wonkret But if you go and
Speaker 1: committed to evolution, meaning that that everyone has some sort
Speaker 1: of trauma on some level major B, then there's a
Speaker 1: hierarchy to trauma, of course, but something that they bring
Speaker 1: they bring in. They bring in skills, passions, traumas, interests,
Speaker 1: you know, all kinds of nuances. And usually in a
Speaker 1: relationship those things become highlighted like oh, you know, I
Speaker 1: can't complete anything, or I can't make something happen, or
Speaker 1: I'm not a good cook, I don't know whatever. Those
Speaker 1: traumas might manifest as, and we usually indict each other
Speaker 1: for the things that were not and in a relationship
Speaker 1: rather than no, those are those are getting revealed in
Speaker 1: an intimate relationship. As soon as you're in a committed relationship,
Speaker 1: the issues come up for everyone. Right, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: not enough. I mean, I'm not wanted, I'm not desired.
Speaker 1: I need to work really hard, you know. You know
Speaker 1: I've got all these different different aspects that come up,
Speaker 1: all these traumas that get revealed in a healthy relationship.
Speaker 1: You allow for those you didn't give the person the trauma,
Speaker 1: you didn't give the person the issue, but you certainly
Speaker 1: are revealing it. There's no question that it's getting exacerbated.
Speaker 1: In an intimate relationship. Every one of us, you know,
Speaker 1: gets to see ourselves really clearly if we're looking, you know,
Speaker 1: through that lens of the other person.
Speaker 2: So give me an example, like, let's do an example
Speaker 2: that we're in I'm in a relationship with you. What
Speaker 2: what what happens?
Speaker 1: So so I'm not going to go to all my
Speaker 1: total personal history, but no, no, no, no, just me. But
Speaker 1: there's there's things that I came in where I'm completely
Speaker 1: I'm controlling. So I'll just do it controlling. It goes
Speaker 1: my way or the highway. I don't have a lot
Speaker 1: of guilt, And they're all kind of there are dysfunctional
Speaker 1: affects that have come from a trauma, right, so I
Speaker 1: can you're selfish, Yeah, so I come in there. I
Speaker 1: have to find someone who's sacrificial. That's the chemistry of
Speaker 1: most of those kinds of relationships, right, So someone sacrificial
Speaker 1: and so those things keep you know, combining. So she
Speaker 1: or he betting En here with is generating more resentments
Speaker 1: as time goes on.
Speaker 2: I was gonna say, because you're not evolving either, because
Speaker 2: you're being able to just like go.
Speaker 1: At thermometer, so just don't know.
Speaker 2: And the same muscle you're not working at any muscle,
Speaker 2: that's the muscle you always have worked out, and maybe
Speaker 2: that person is doing the same thing. Then no one's growing,
Speaker 2: that's what exactly.
Speaker 1: So that's so each person is now banging on each
Speaker 1: other right then, looking to see how my control issues
Speaker 1: are getting more and more heightened and revealed in that situation.
Speaker 1: Then I sit down and go, god, I guess can't
Speaker 1: believe you know how much it needs to go my way?
Speaker 1: And I get to share more about that, so I
Speaker 1: have more relationship with that so I can work that out.
Speaker 1: The other person gets to see like, oh, I never
Speaker 1: speak up, I never say anything, I never ask for anything,
Speaker 1: you know, But now it's spitting in the person's food basically.
Speaker 2: So, but what happens if you find the person that
Speaker 2: is not accepting the way that you are, But now
Speaker 2: it's constant pushback, you having to question yourself. So now
Speaker 2: you're in a battle. One is atrophy, one's a battle.
Speaker 1: So that's why I say, I think a really great
Speaker 1: relationship both people have to be committed to their own evolution.
Speaker 1: Ah they do.
Speaker 2: I'm going to meet in the middle. But it's what
Speaker 2: I said, meeting half what You're meeting someone one way.
Speaker 1: If you're the only person that's doing it right and
Speaker 1: the other person thinks their point of view is the
Speaker 1: point of view, it's a death sentence. Interesting, there's nothing
Speaker 1: more painful than when you're trying to get to be heard, seen,
Speaker 1: express and someone has their own point of view that
Speaker 1: wasn't even allow for that that you're just gonna You're
Speaker 1: just get frustrated, leave or kill the person something. So yeah,
Speaker 1: both people have to be you know, admitted to that
Speaker 1: right now. And and I think when I look at
Speaker 1: really great relationships, you know people that's that's naturally kind
Speaker 1: of going on. You know, some people are actively doing that,
Speaker 1: but some people that's just kind of organic. And then
Speaker 1: you see each person's skills being kind of shared. Right,
Speaker 1: Someone's more, you know, more available emotionally or has more
Speaker 1: room that way, can diffuse arguments better. Someone else, you know,
Speaker 1: is more creative, you know, can can generate more. And
Speaker 1: then you watch the complementary aspects of those take place. Uh,
Speaker 1: and it looks really fluid in that way. But but
Speaker 1: most people don't commit to evolution. They commit to their expectations.
Speaker 1: They commit to concepts.
Speaker 2: By the way, that's you and this dating coach would
Speaker 2: actually do great work together. He says the same. He says,
Speaker 2: you meet someone. He says it in a more eloquent
Speaker 2: way because I don't remember the exact tart words, but
Speaker 2: he's saying, you meet someone, and now you're immediately in
Speaker 2: a relationship with your expectations of what this was, what
Speaker 2: their dating profile was, what they what their name is,
Speaker 2: where they're from. Like, you're already completely ahead of yourself
Speaker 2: instead of just being in exactly.
Speaker 3: What's in front of you. Yeah, and I mean expectations
Speaker 3: what you're saying, and that is that is I mean
Speaker 3: that is not an easy that's a and that's a discipline. Right,
Speaker 3: there's some sort of discipline to make sure that you're
Speaker 3: actually listening with the person you're with and understanding you
Speaker 3: know what, you know, what their deficiencies are, what their
Speaker 3: sufficiencies are, you know, having a full blown relation, and
Speaker 3: it doesn't take away the romance, doesn't take away the creativity,
Speaker 3: you know, it actually allows for it all the time.
Speaker 2: Right, what do you think? So? I think that I
Speaker 2: I think that love is probably a dangerous word because
Speaker 2: everybody places so much emphasis on either that feeling or
Speaker 2: that word and when like, so people will be like,
Speaker 2: but she loves me, Like I know she loves me,
Speaker 2: but it's like, okay, but she loves you, but how
Speaker 2: is she treating you? Or but she loves me? Okay,
Speaker 2: but don't you have to love yourself? Because if she
Speaker 2: loves you but you still are not happy, are you
Speaker 2: loving yourself?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: I think the word love is a very uh loaded
Speaker 2: word because it becomes something that people just rely on
Speaker 2: and then they don't have to do everything else. Well,
Speaker 2: I love her, I do love her? Okay, great, so
Speaker 2: back it up? So what about that?
Speaker 1: You know the expression love conquers all right, Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: a dangerous right right right, because it looks because you
Speaker 1: put all the onus on love, as you just said,
Speaker 1: to handle everything.
Speaker 2: Love is the answer. Love wins. It's not It isn't right.
Speaker 1: Love is a portal to you know, real work that
Speaker 1: needs to be done have a successful relationship. Right, So
Speaker 1: there has to be a foundation of how you feel
Speaker 1: about the person, how you care about the person. You know,
Speaker 1: what's there that a glue that will that will keep
Speaker 1: you together during difficult times. But then on top of
Speaker 1: that all the work I said of evolution, communication, understanding,
Speaker 1: be able to hear something, see someone right. You know
Speaker 1: a lot of people don't feel seen at all in
Speaker 1: a relationship or don't feel heard. And so love is
Speaker 1: a love is a I can consider it a found
Speaker 1: foundational aspect, but I certainly don't consider it the entire story, right,
Speaker 1: And so it can be and and if you're a
Speaker 1: romantic that can you know you're you're counting saying.
Speaker 2: It's the foundation of the house. But you do need
Speaker 2: window treatments.
Speaker 1: Flooring, like you know, all of that, right, And I
Speaker 1: think that's where you know, we've been sold the mythology
Speaker 1: that love conquers all and and then we have tons
Speaker 1: of programming that that support that, right, and and you know,
Speaker 1: I mean I think that then people don't do the
Speaker 1: work that's required. And I'm always saying because you know,
Speaker 1: they got people have these sayings like, well, you know,
Speaker 1: if if it was really working, you know, I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, which should it shouldn't be this difficult, right,
Speaker 1: you know, love should take care of But I'm saying, what,
Speaker 1: it's the only thing you know that doesn't require work.
Speaker 1: Everything that requires some sort of you know, work, discipline,
Speaker 1: you know, commitment. You just need to know that you're
Speaker 1: not spinning your wheels, that the work you're doing is growing, developing,
Speaker 1: going somewhere. And that's the same in a business relationship
Speaker 1: and a partnership, and there's signs for that as an
Speaker 1: intimate relationship. You don't want to be doing this spinning
Speaker 1: your wheels and spending your wheels and getting no traction
Speaker 1: at all in either a business relationship or an intimate relationship.
Speaker 1: So knowing that it's going somewhere is essential.