1 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:20,919 Speaker 1: Hi, Hi, how are you. 2 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:26,000 Speaker 2: Oh, I'm good. I'm really okay. I'm actually decently rested, 3 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 2: which is great, and things are okay good, Yeah, look good, 4 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:34,800 Speaker 2: thank you. Okay. So this is Brack. We've spoken him before. 5 00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:37,479 Speaker 2: I don't like the term life coach, but that's what 6 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:39,640 Speaker 2: he is. But it's sort of like a term that 7 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:45,519 Speaker 2: gets shade because it seems like sort of faux spiritual, 8 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:48,680 Speaker 2: touchy feely, weird, seminar ish. But Brack is actually a 9 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 2: life coach. He's the real deal. 10 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:52,760 Speaker 1: I'm almost trained myself to kind of listen to what 11 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,880 Speaker 1: people aren't saying, right, but you know that that's what's 12 00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:58,480 Speaker 1: behind the scenes, so that I can so that I 13 00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:01,000 Speaker 1: can direct people, and I really clear way of kind 14 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,520 Speaker 1: of are they doing the right thing with the right 15 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:04,360 Speaker 1: person in the right situation. 16 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:06,880 Speaker 2: Because they're presenting to you off of what they want 17 00:01:06,959 --> 00:01:09,199 Speaker 2: you to hear, but you're seeing what is. 18 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:11,039 Speaker 1: I'm listening to. I'm listening to what they're not saying. 19 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:13,319 Speaker 1: A lot of times that makes sense. Yeah, so I 20 00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:16,720 Speaker 1: think that's probably a good probably good you know, entree 21 00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:17,479 Speaker 1: to the conversation. 22 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:23,480 Speaker 2: Okay, so some reason, not for some reason, but there's 23 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:26,360 Speaker 2: this convergence in things that I think about and talk 24 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:31,160 Speaker 2: about with like personal relationships that are maybe not romantic 25 00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:35,200 Speaker 2: to romantic relationships to business. And the reason I say 26 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:39,640 Speaker 2: that is why you know, it's not just that getting 27 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,319 Speaker 2: married and signing a document is a business arrangement, but 28 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:44,560 Speaker 2: it is there. It's a deal that two people make 29 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:46,959 Speaker 2: and what are they bringing to the table. And because 30 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:53,880 Speaker 2: I'm so knowledgeable in business and I am actually knowledgeable 31 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,640 Speaker 2: in relationships too, but been more successful in business, I 32 00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:58,840 Speaker 2: know that they're not the same and you can't approach 33 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:02,160 Speaker 2: them the same way. And coaches will say that often 34 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:04,080 Speaker 2: people that are good in business think that they can 35 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,920 Speaker 2: approach them the same way. But there are some things 36 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:11,760 Speaker 2: that I do see in like metaphorically and analogy analogies 37 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:15,839 Speaker 2: like saying if someone else is not meeting you where 38 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:19,519 Speaker 2: you're at, or meeting you fifty percent at some points 39 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,799 Speaker 2: and I'm sure will ebb and flow, then it might 40 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:23,920 Speaker 2: not be the right relationship. And I find that in 41 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:27,320 Speaker 2: business you could end a partnership in a similar way 42 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,320 Speaker 2: that you feel you might want to end a partnership 43 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:32,880 Speaker 2: in relationships, like wait, I'm the giving tree, I'm giving 44 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,400 Speaker 2: and the other person is taking but not I'm not 45 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:38,480 Speaker 2: getting back what I'm giving, Like, there's no not as 46 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:40,880 Speaker 2: much of an ROI. So do you agree with that 47 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:42,400 Speaker 2: there are similarities? 48 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:46,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I think that there's absolutely similarities. First all, 49 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:51,040 Speaker 1: I have human beings involved, and so those those contracts 50 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:54,920 Speaker 1: can be absolutely similar and intersect in terms of you know, 51 00:02:54,960 --> 00:03:01,640 Speaker 1: similar applications. The component of what did Plato say years ago, 52 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:04,640 Speaker 1: thousands of years ago that love is a grave mental disease, 53 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,880 Speaker 1: So it offers up a whole other component. Though in 54 00:03:07,919 --> 00:03:12,040 Speaker 1: a relationship you will stay a lot of times a 55 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:15,239 Speaker 1: lot longer than you might stay in a business partnership, right, 56 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:19,079 Speaker 1: you know, You'll you'll have kids involved, so you'll think, well, 57 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,320 Speaker 1: what's the what's the right to decision? Is it best 58 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:24,919 Speaker 1: to leave a situation that's bad for the kids? Is 59 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:27,119 Speaker 1: it best to stay in this situation for the kids. 60 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:30,120 Speaker 1: So there's there's a lot more nuances that take place. 61 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:33,880 Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that the financial aspects of a business partnership, 62 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,560 Speaker 1: you know, or an in relationship don't come into play. 63 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,360 Speaker 1: They're just I just think there they are really two 64 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:42,720 Speaker 1: different animals, right and and and as you said, to 65 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:45,119 Speaker 1: your point that a lot of times people who feel 66 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:47,360 Speaker 1: that they've got an expertise in one area, think they've 67 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,839 Speaker 1: got an expertise in another area, right, and they actually don't. 68 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:52,280 Speaker 1: You know. So you've got to kind of know where 69 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:54,800 Speaker 1: you where you lead, where you follow, where you you 70 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:58,160 Speaker 1: need to collaborate, where you need to let go of something. 71 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,760 Speaker 1: But you know, I think we use to say mapplic 72 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,640 Speaker 1: we're successful if there's if we're successful in business, we 73 00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:07,760 Speaker 1: use that application and relationships and they don't necessarily work. 74 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,680 Speaker 1: I would say, if you have a football coach, given that, 75 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:12,040 Speaker 1: you know, got the Super Bowl coming up, right, who's 76 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:14,840 Speaker 1: screaming and yelling, going, you know, at his players and 77 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,080 Speaker 1: talking to them in a particular right, there's a particular 78 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:20,279 Speaker 1: contract about that, right, Well, if he goes home and 79 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:23,120 Speaker 1: does the same thing, right, you know. It's so it's 80 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:26,719 Speaker 1: really understanding the differences and the nuances and how to 81 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:31,600 Speaker 1: apply that and having that mobility in mental mobility, emotional mobility, 82 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:35,000 Speaker 1: so you can actually you know, shift and people are 83 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:37,080 Speaker 1: you know, and people can get pretty singular. 84 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,080 Speaker 2: And I think sometimes some of the concepts in some 85 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:42,000 Speaker 2: of the takeaway that people like you or a dating 86 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:45,279 Speaker 2: coach or a matchmaker or a therapist give, it's kind 87 00:04:45,279 --> 00:04:47,440 Speaker 2: of like religion, where if you if you like, you 88 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:49,520 Speaker 2: say like if it works for you that if cilantro 89 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,320 Speaker 2: is working in the recipe for you, great, If not, 90 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,200 Speaker 2: throw it out, will try something else, like it doesn't. 91 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:57,000 Speaker 2: Just like medicine, you could be on one thing for antidepression. 92 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:58,640 Speaker 2: It could work, it could not work, and then it 93 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:00,600 Speaker 2: could not work after a while. It's like, you know 94 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:04,320 Speaker 2: anything else that works for you or doesn't? So what 95 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:08,239 Speaker 2: this dating coach who came on this show said something 96 00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:12,160 Speaker 2: that resonated with me and my audience, which was, if 97 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:15,159 Speaker 2: you're dating or guess let's say getting into a relationship, 98 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:17,839 Speaker 2: you want to get into a relationships, you are the CEO, 99 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:21,320 Speaker 2: and you are hiring for this position. He would say 100 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:23,599 Speaker 2: to both sides the same thing. He's not talking to 101 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:25,800 Speaker 2: two people in a couple's relationship in that way, he's 102 00:05:25,839 --> 00:05:28,680 Speaker 2: coaching one person, but if you were coaching the other person, 103 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:31,800 Speaker 2: he would be saying the same thing because he believes that. 104 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:35,800 Speaker 2: I think what he's saying is that people are just 105 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:40,000 Speaker 2: accepting so much that they don't deserve because they're not 106 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:43,280 Speaker 2: seeing clearly when it comes to relationships. Meaning let's say 107 00:05:43,279 --> 00:05:45,400 Speaker 2: that you are hiring for this position. It's very important 108 00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:47,680 Speaker 2: to you. Whatever the position is, it's going to help 109 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:50,840 Speaker 2: your overall life. Your business life, will help your personal 110 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:52,719 Speaker 2: life and the way you feel every day. And I 111 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,400 Speaker 2: know that from personal experience with people that I work 112 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:57,520 Speaker 2: with in business, it can really drag you down and 113 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,640 Speaker 2: it can really like affect your life. And if I'm 114 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:03,280 Speaker 2: strict about someone that I'm hiring for the position that 115 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:06,960 Speaker 2: I've said that I know what it is, and I've 116 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,880 Speaker 2: sometimes broken that diet. Sometimes beforehand I've been like, well, 117 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:11,640 Speaker 2: this person can't do this and they can't do that, 118 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:15,400 Speaker 2: but they gave good interview, and then you end up unhappy. 119 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,920 Speaker 2: And so he believes that you should treat your dating 120 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:21,200 Speaker 2: life that way, meaning they're supposed to come in and 121 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:24,120 Speaker 2: if they're not doing the things that would fulfill that 122 00:06:24,279 --> 00:06:26,720 Speaker 2: role that you've already said that you know that you need, 123 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:29,640 Speaker 2: then then they should be fired. That's how he feels, 124 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,160 Speaker 2: not maybe in marriage, because you've already have those other elements, 125 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:34,120 Speaker 2: but like you're dating, what do you think about that? 126 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:37,719 Speaker 1: No, I mean, I think that's I think that's pretty 127 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:41,440 Speaker 1: spot on in terms of what you're looking at. I'd 128 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:43,400 Speaker 1: probably would. I mean, like all of us are probably 129 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:47,120 Speaker 1: doing terminology to that rather than say so, I mean, 130 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:51,040 Speaker 1: I think that people, you know, a lot of times 131 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:55,719 Speaker 1: are just as to his point, are accepting, well, someone 132 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:58,680 Speaker 1: wants me, so that's good enough, right, that's right, that's 133 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:02,240 Speaker 1: enough due diligence for me to actually, you know, say okay, 134 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:06,320 Speaker 1: that's fine. And you can see that how problematic it 135 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,880 Speaker 1: is down the road, right, that not using enough of 136 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:11,400 Speaker 1: their own voice, their own discernment to determine is this 137 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,960 Speaker 1: really good fit? And then chemistry comes in is involved. 138 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:17,160 Speaker 1: So a lot of times I think things are dysfunctional 139 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,840 Speaker 1: chemistry like oh I'm not enough ful, great, I'm great, 140 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:24,160 Speaker 1: and let's get together. Right. So you know, so those 141 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:30,400 Speaker 1: elements people make choices based on really inaccurate data, right, 142 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:33,120 Speaker 1: A lot of times there they'll they'll commit to a 143 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:36,880 Speaker 1: lifetime just based on chemistry when maybe that down the 144 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:40,720 Speaker 1: road is going to be really problematic. Right, And and 145 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,920 Speaker 1: you know we talked about that in the last session, 146 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:45,880 Speaker 1: where charm like after two years you want to kill 147 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 1: the person, you know, bait and it comes nauseating. So 148 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,080 Speaker 1: so you know, I think that's what kind of like 149 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:56,800 Speaker 1: age gives you a little bit more when you're young, 150 00:07:56,880 --> 00:08:00,320 Speaker 1: you'll just commit to your expectations and you're and what 151 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:03,080 Speaker 1: you want or what you think you want rather than 152 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:07,080 Speaker 1: what might be actually really sustainable and grows and gets 153 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:07,960 Speaker 1: better over time. 154 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:09,960 Speaker 2: Well, that's why what you were saying in the beginning 155 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,680 Speaker 2: about what someone's not saying. So what I didn't say, 156 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:15,880 Speaker 2: which was the original TikTok I was talking about, was 157 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,480 Speaker 2: the comments someone said. Let's say, I'm paraphrasing, but I 158 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:21,600 Speaker 2: think it was exactly this, like, don't date who you 159 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:38,800 Speaker 2: want them to be. Yeah, so what about that? Because 160 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:42,560 Speaker 2: do people change? Do they not change? Can you? What 161 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:45,160 Speaker 2: if you do have amazing chemistry, But it's more than chemistry. 162 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:48,520 Speaker 2: What if the person is like minded, they are going 163 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:50,920 Speaker 2: in the same direction, they have the same feeling about family, 164 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:52,840 Speaker 2: or there are a lot of things that's not just 165 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,280 Speaker 2: wanting to have sex with them, but there are some 166 00:08:55,559 --> 00:08:59,040 Speaker 2: key fundamentals. Is what if someone is what if I 167 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:02,480 Speaker 2: want to change? What if they want to change? How 168 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,960 Speaker 2: much can people actually change or not at all? 169 00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:07,959 Speaker 1: Well, I mean, first of all, I mean that's the business. 170 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm the business of change. I mean in 171 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:15,640 Speaker 1: a very concrete way. But I also think it's legitimate 172 00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:18,000 Speaker 1: when people say, well you know people don't really change. 173 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:21,559 Speaker 1: I think both both of those questions, even though seem contradictory, 174 00:09:21,679 --> 00:09:24,320 Speaker 1: are correct. What heads, So. 175 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:25,959 Speaker 2: Let's get into that because I agree, but I want 176 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,040 Speaker 2: to I think that's why I'm saying it, because I 177 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:31,160 Speaker 2: believe people can evolve or change. But then also I 178 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:32,800 Speaker 2: think someone that you can't make a dog a cat. 179 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:34,240 Speaker 2: So we're saying the same thing. But I want like 180 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:35,559 Speaker 2: to break it down with you because I think it's 181 00:09:35,559 --> 00:09:39,120 Speaker 2: an important thing that people run around circles in their 182 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:43,120 Speaker 2: heads convincing themselves and really don't know the actual answer 183 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:44,200 Speaker 2: or the exceptions. 184 00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:48,200 Speaker 1: So to answer, to get into it, or to break 185 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:53,360 Speaker 1: it down. There's there's certain stimulus of course, that prompts change. 186 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:58,680 Speaker 1: Health breakdowns can prompt or change financial problems. The fires, yes, 187 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:02,880 Speaker 1: are prompting in extraordinary change. Now you know LA has 188 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:05,240 Speaker 1: got great resilience. But you know we got to work 189 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:09,520 Speaker 1: on sustainability. Can we sustain the generosity the community to 190 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:13,080 Speaker 1: build the dream from a different context? Right? So the 191 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:16,600 Speaker 1: only thing, the only way that something changes is something's 192 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:20,439 Speaker 1: more important than something else. Yes, So yes, that is 193 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:23,320 Speaker 1: the key. So sobriety is more important than you know, 194 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:27,439 Speaker 1: drinking or alcohol or whatever, or that you know, character 195 00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:30,000 Speaker 1: is more important than reputation. So something has to be 196 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,359 Speaker 1: more important than something else, and there can be stimulus. 197 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,000 Speaker 2: Is to that, I was just, oh my god, I 198 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,559 Speaker 2: love you so much. Okay, great, I'm excited we're going 199 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:37,160 Speaker 2: in this direction. 200 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:40,720 Speaker 1: So stimulus can as I said, it could be healthy, 201 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:44,600 Speaker 1: financial can be another person, like I love this person 202 00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:47,200 Speaker 1: so much, I'm willing to do what it takes without 203 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,679 Speaker 1: a compromising your essence. 204 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:54,000 Speaker 2: You're saying the effective. Something has to happen for something 205 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:55,800 Speaker 2: to happen. So it could be the fires, It could 206 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:59,880 Speaker 2: be someone hits rock bottom. It could be someone does 207 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:02,240 Speaker 2: it realizes what it's like to be without the other 208 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:05,080 Speaker 2: person they need. But there needs to be a stimulus program. 209 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:08,000 Speaker 2: It can't just be because otherwise people get atrophied in 210 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:12,240 Speaker 2: that dynamic, right, like of what it is, you're eating junk, 211 00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:14,520 Speaker 2: you're unhealthy, and you're the wife sitting by watching your 212 00:11:14,559 --> 00:11:16,079 Speaker 2: husband kill themselves. Whatever it is. 213 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:19,679 Speaker 1: Yes, so there has to be some prompt okay that 214 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,920 Speaker 1: allows for that change, and it has to be important 215 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:28,320 Speaker 1: enough that you feel like and because people will make 216 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:30,800 Speaker 1: outther therapy twice or they may go see a coach 217 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,520 Speaker 1: a few times. But to have that sustain you really 218 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:36,280 Speaker 1: do have to do whatever it takes. Now, why this 219 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:38,440 Speaker 1: is so difficult for people when people say, well not, 220 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,960 Speaker 1: no one really changes because that voice in your head 221 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:44,040 Speaker 1: after you've taken a few actions, if you don't see 222 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:46,800 Speaker 1: immediate results, a lot of people they don't go back 223 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:48,040 Speaker 1: to their original behavior. 224 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:50,360 Speaker 2: Or you might see immediate results and think I'm done, 225 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:51,839 Speaker 2: I'm cured, let's go. I don't need it. 226 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:55,240 Speaker 1: Any dat as well, So to really make a change, 227 00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:57,880 Speaker 1: because the voice in most people sads is like, Okay, 228 00:11:57,960 --> 00:11:59,960 Speaker 1: if you make this change, you're also going to lose 229 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:04,199 Speaker 1: you know, your your talents, your qualities, your your abilities. 230 00:12:04,559 --> 00:12:06,760 Speaker 1: You know, we talk about the charm. If I if 231 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,640 Speaker 1: I intervene in charm for integrity, I'm going to lose 232 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:11,280 Speaker 1: all my you know, skills. 233 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:13,600 Speaker 2: Or if I stop drinking, I won't be fun and entertaining. 234 00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:15,240 Speaker 1: I won't be entertaining, right. I think there was a 235 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:19,480 Speaker 1: Seinfeld so like fun yeah, fun bad Yeah, right, like 236 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:21,800 Speaker 1: hey fun, Bobby is coming over. Well he stopped drinking 237 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:23,000 Speaker 1: and he's no fun. 238 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:26,280 Speaker 2: Right, So that was the Housewives entire a lot of. 239 00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:28,840 Speaker 1: But that's but that's a myth. By the way. As 240 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:32,520 Speaker 1: far as i'm I think that if you really introduce change, 241 00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:35,679 Speaker 1: and you really make those changes, it enhances all your qualities. 242 00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:38,560 Speaker 1: It enhances all your existing qualities. I think it's a 243 00:12:38,559 --> 00:12:40,079 Speaker 1: myth that you're going to lose those things. 244 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,040 Speaker 2: I do too, and I also think that this is 245 00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:43,840 Speaker 2: why I'm making parallels. In business. You could have a 246 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:47,040 Speaker 2: business partner that's good in many ways, but maybe it's 247 00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:48,880 Speaker 2: the way they speak to you, or maybe it's the dynamic. 248 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:53,880 Speaker 2: So let's say you are the personally what you're saying. 249 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:56,320 Speaker 1: Building great teams. That's been one of my you know, 250 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:59,760 Speaker 1: one of my intentions and specialties is to build great teams. 251 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,520 Speaker 1: You'll know that the lane that they're in, and they 252 00:13:02,679 --> 00:13:04,160 Speaker 1: know how to stay in their lane, and how to 253 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:06,120 Speaker 1: work with other people in their lane, and all of 254 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:10,120 Speaker 1: those kinds of dynamics make a successful business. 255 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,640 Speaker 2: Of course, by the way, this synergy is the whole thing, 256 00:13:13,679 --> 00:13:18,240 Speaker 2: and often it comes in unlikely packages. Meaning my greatest 257 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:23,440 Speaker 2: partnerships are my partnership with Michael, my relief work partner, 258 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:26,959 Speaker 2: and David Kambar, my Skinny Girl partner. And I want 259 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,199 Speaker 2: to kill them both like I want to, and I 260 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,559 Speaker 2: have wanted to kill them both, that they wanted to 261 00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:33,319 Speaker 2: kill me both. But they both have the right temperament 262 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:37,319 Speaker 2: for me and vice versa, and their opposites in many ways. 263 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:39,640 Speaker 2: And they let me be who I am and I've 264 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:41,839 Speaker 2: let them be who they It's just interesting, but they 265 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:45,160 Speaker 2: are completely No one ever set us up for business 266 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:47,720 Speaker 2: or for relief. I found them on my own. Ever. Really, 267 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,480 Speaker 2: you and this personality should be together. Never. 268 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:53,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's been that's been true. That's been true 269 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:56,960 Speaker 1: for me as well, both in in my relationship, in 270 00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:00,160 Speaker 1: my marriage as well as in my business partnerships. If 271 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:02,200 Speaker 1: you left it up to kind of my ego or 272 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,840 Speaker 1: what I thought was the perfect match, yeah, we would 273 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:06,240 Speaker 1: have never picked those people. 274 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:09,880 Speaker 2: Interesting, Okay, so that's great. So so you're the person 275 00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:12,160 Speaker 2: who wants the other person to change. You're the person 276 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,800 Speaker 2: whose husband drinks too much. You're the person who doesn't. 277 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:16,640 Speaker 2: They don't think remember you on the anniversary of the 278 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:19,200 Speaker 2: flowers they're taking you for granted, you're the giving tree. 279 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:24,480 Speaker 2: People say someone has to change on their own. But 280 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:26,600 Speaker 2: like you're saying, but that doesn't mean we're going to 281 00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:28,680 Speaker 2: sit in the definition of insanity. I'm married to you, 282 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:30,840 Speaker 2: and we're going to keep making the same mistake. So 283 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:34,360 Speaker 2: there has to be the stimulus. So it has to 284 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:36,600 Speaker 2: be what that the one person is going to be 285 00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:40,280 Speaker 2: self respecting enough or in their business saying I am 286 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:42,000 Speaker 2: going to own my part and I'm going to do 287 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,120 Speaker 2: fifty percent, but I'm not going to do ninety percent. 288 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:48,040 Speaker 2: So when I am only doing fifty percent, the partnership 289 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,280 Speaker 2: will suffer and the other person will realize, like, where 290 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,640 Speaker 2: does that stimulus come from? For that person that wants 291 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:54,960 Speaker 2: to change the other person but knows that you can't 292 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,000 Speaker 2: change another person, they have to change themselves. 293 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,840 Speaker 1: But before before that, I think think we have to 294 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:02,920 Speaker 1: you have to determine when you're looking on your kind 295 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:08,920 Speaker 1: of forging out of partnership, proposing whatever you're doing, you 296 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:10,800 Speaker 1: have to really have a set I mean, like. 297 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,320 Speaker 2: You're saying someone's going to propose marriage. I have to 298 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:13,400 Speaker 2: decide that's the right person. 299 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:17,520 Speaker 1: Okay. You have to have a strong sense of does 300 00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:20,840 Speaker 1: this person have the ability to fulfill in that area? 301 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:23,480 Speaker 1: Really you really have to know that so so that 302 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:27,600 Speaker 1: they're complimentary skills. So, I mean, I think a lot 303 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:32,400 Speaker 1: of times our expectations are unrealistic because that person's never 304 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:34,960 Speaker 1: going to be there's certain people are really brilliant at math, 305 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,120 Speaker 1: and certain people are great, you know, just like you know, 306 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:40,240 Speaker 1: are great entrepreneurs, and certain people are great at executing 307 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:45,280 Speaker 1: other people's intentions. And people can originate ideas. A lot 308 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,200 Speaker 1: of times people want to be what they're not, or 309 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,880 Speaker 1: they want to keep trying to provide what they don't have. 310 00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:52,600 Speaker 1: So I think a lot of times in those relationships, 311 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:58,040 Speaker 1: you know, people are having really unrealistic expectations of what 312 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:00,680 Speaker 1: the person can actually fulfill on and then they get 313 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:05,000 Speaker 1: frustrated with that. And in most and in dating, people 314 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:08,240 Speaker 1: are promoting things that they're not necessary, that are necessarily true. 315 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:10,480 Speaker 1: You know, they're morning, they're showing, they're putting the best 316 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:15,640 Speaker 1: foot forward. So so I think that kind of like 317 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:19,920 Speaker 1: doing that due diligence and understanding, Oh you know this 318 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,800 Speaker 1: is this person's really great at emotional access, this person 319 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,720 Speaker 1: is really great at you know, providing you know, creative 320 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:29,160 Speaker 1: and creative expression, and understanding that so that you have 321 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:30,240 Speaker 1: complimentary skills. 322 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:45,480 Speaker 2: And the reason it's very different with business too, is 323 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:49,320 Speaker 2: that in business, in many cases, people want to make money. Yeah, 324 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:50,800 Speaker 2: turn the brand. It's three things you want to do. 325 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:52,880 Speaker 2: You want to either have generational wealth and pass this 326 00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:55,120 Speaker 2: businesses on to your kids. You have a great idea, 327 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,480 Speaker 2: you want to sell the brand, you want to you know, 328 00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:59,600 Speaker 2: employ a bunch of people, You're going to send it 329 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:02,720 Speaker 2: all to already cash out whatever. There's five options of 330 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:06,800 Speaker 2: what real true entrepreneurs want with a relationship. Are you 331 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,320 Speaker 2: healing your relationship with your mother? Do you just not 332 00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:11,160 Speaker 2: want to be alone? Do you want to be rich? 333 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,760 Speaker 2: Do you want to have good sex? Do you want 334 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:14,600 Speaker 2: to be with a hot guy or girl? Do you 335 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,560 Speaker 2: want Luck's goods? Like, there's a thousand different things, And 336 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:19,640 Speaker 2: how do people determine what's supposed to be the most 337 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:22,919 Speaker 2: important for them versus what their parents want, or what 338 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,800 Speaker 2: society wants, or what they think they want? Like, is 339 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,680 Speaker 2: someone supposed to write a list? Like what are people 340 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:31,080 Speaker 2: supposed to do to decide what they actually want? 341 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:34,200 Speaker 1: Well, I mean i've I mean I have found or 342 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:37,000 Speaker 1: I'm not saying this is necessarily true, it's just something. 343 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:42,399 Speaker 1: It's just my experience is that a relationship is really 344 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:47,560 Speaker 1: designed for evolution. And that's what I see. So that means, okay, 345 00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:51,560 Speaker 1: your own personal evolution, the collective evolution of the two people, 346 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:57,160 Speaker 1: or polyamorous relationships, the collective evolution of that as well 347 00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,359 Speaker 1: as the procreation of the species, like you know that 348 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,679 Speaker 1: we leave you know, we're leaving people better off, like 349 00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:03,040 Speaker 1: our children are better than we. 350 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:06,760 Speaker 2: Were, right, Okay, yeah, so if which is which is 351 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:07,760 Speaker 2: literally evolution? 352 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:11,640 Speaker 1: So if that's the context, okay, with that as a context, right, 353 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:14,439 Speaker 1: because people go into most relationships to be happy, and 354 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:18,200 Speaker 1: I think that's a setup for a disaster, right because 355 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:19,960 Speaker 1: at some point that wonkret But if you go and 356 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:24,200 Speaker 1: committed to evolution, meaning that that everyone has some sort 357 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,879 Speaker 1: of trauma on some level major B, then there's a 358 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,480 Speaker 1: hierarchy to trauma, of course, but something that they bring 359 00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:34,840 Speaker 1: they bring in. They bring in skills, passions, traumas, interests, 360 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:38,639 Speaker 1: you know, all kinds of nuances. And usually in a 361 00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:44,000 Speaker 1: relationship those things become highlighted like oh, you know, I 362 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:47,320 Speaker 1: can't complete anything, or I can't make something happen, or 363 00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:49,120 Speaker 1: I'm not a good cook, I don't know whatever. Those 364 00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:52,880 Speaker 1: traumas might manifest as, and we usually indict each other 365 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:56,760 Speaker 1: for the things that were not and in a relationship 366 00:18:56,880 --> 00:19:00,800 Speaker 1: rather than no, those are those are getting revealed in 367 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:04,840 Speaker 1: an intimate relationship. As soon as you're in a committed relationship, 368 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:08,240 Speaker 1: the issues come up for everyone. Right, you know, I'm 369 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:11,120 Speaker 1: not enough. I mean, I'm not wanted, I'm not desired. 370 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,080 Speaker 1: I need to work really hard, you know. You know 371 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:17,360 Speaker 1: I've got all these different different aspects that come up, 372 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:21,560 Speaker 1: all these traumas that get revealed in a healthy relationship. 373 00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:25,600 Speaker 1: You allow for those you didn't give the person the trauma, 374 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:28,040 Speaker 1: you didn't give the person the issue, but you certainly 375 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:31,280 Speaker 1: are revealing it. There's no question that it's getting exacerbated. 376 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,119 Speaker 1: In an intimate relationship. Every one of us, you know, 377 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:37,800 Speaker 1: gets to see ourselves really clearly if we're looking, you know, 378 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:39,399 Speaker 1: through that lens of the other person. 379 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,960 Speaker 2: So give me an example, like, let's do an example 380 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,800 Speaker 2: that we're in I'm in a relationship with you. What 381 00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:45,720 Speaker 2: what what happens? 382 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:49,840 Speaker 1: So so I'm not going to go to all my 383 00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,560 Speaker 1: total personal history, but no, no, no, no, just me. But 384 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:56,320 Speaker 1: there's there's things that I came in where I'm completely 385 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,600 Speaker 1: I'm controlling. So I'll just do it controlling. It goes 386 00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:03,120 Speaker 1: my way or the highway. I don't have a lot 387 00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:06,040 Speaker 1: of guilt, And they're all kind of there are dysfunctional 388 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,359 Speaker 1: affects that have come from a trauma, right, so I 389 00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:11,479 Speaker 1: can you're selfish, Yeah, so I come in there. I 390 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:15,320 Speaker 1: have to find someone who's sacrificial. That's the chemistry of 391 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:18,960 Speaker 1: most of those kinds of relationships, right, So someone sacrificial 392 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:22,600 Speaker 1: and so those things keep you know, combining. So she 393 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:26,520 Speaker 1: or he betting En here with is generating more resentments 394 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:27,479 Speaker 1: as time goes on. 395 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,560 Speaker 2: I was gonna say, because you're not evolving either, because 396 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:31,720 Speaker 2: you're being able to just like go. 397 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,120 Speaker 1: At thermometer, so just don't know. 398 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,440 Speaker 2: And the same muscle you're not working at any muscle, 399 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,520 Speaker 2: that's the muscle you always have worked out, and maybe 400 00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:39,600 Speaker 2: that person is doing the same thing. Then no one's growing, 401 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:40,600 Speaker 2: that's what exactly. 402 00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:43,840 Speaker 1: So that's so each person is now banging on each 403 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:48,679 Speaker 1: other right then, looking to see how my control issues 404 00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:51,600 Speaker 1: are getting more and more heightened and revealed in that situation. 405 00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:53,560 Speaker 1: Then I sit down and go, god, I guess can't 406 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,439 Speaker 1: believe you know how much it needs to go my way? 407 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,960 Speaker 1: And I get to share more about that, so I 408 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,480 Speaker 1: have more relationship with that so I can work that out. 409 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:04,440 Speaker 1: The other person gets to see like, oh, I never 410 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,640 Speaker 1: speak up, I never say anything, I never ask for anything, 411 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:11,040 Speaker 1: you know, But now it's spitting in the person's food basically. 412 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:13,840 Speaker 2: So, but what happens if you find the person that 413 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:17,160 Speaker 2: is not accepting the way that you are, But now 414 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,320 Speaker 2: it's constant pushback, you having to question yourself. So now 415 00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:21,520 Speaker 2: you're in a battle. One is atrophy, one's a battle. 416 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:23,960 Speaker 1: So that's why I say, I think a really great 417 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:27,440 Speaker 1: relationship both people have to be committed to their own evolution. 418 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:29,160 Speaker 1: Ah they do. 419 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:30,840 Speaker 2: I'm going to meet in the middle. But it's what 420 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,840 Speaker 2: I said, meeting half what You're meeting someone one way. 421 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:37,159 Speaker 1: If you're the only person that's doing it right and 422 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,480 Speaker 1: the other person thinks their point of view is the 423 00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:44,159 Speaker 1: point of view, it's a death sentence. Interesting, there's nothing 424 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:48,560 Speaker 1: more painful than when you're trying to get to be heard, seen, 425 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,679 Speaker 1: express and someone has their own point of view that 426 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:54,520 Speaker 1: wasn't even allow for that that you're just gonna You're 427 00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:57,800 Speaker 1: just get frustrated, leave or kill the person something. So yeah, 428 00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:00,720 Speaker 1: both people have to be you know, admitted to that 429 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:04,680 Speaker 1: right now. And and I think when I look at 430 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:07,960 Speaker 1: really great relationships, you know people that's that's naturally kind 431 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:11,200 Speaker 1: of going on. You know, some people are actively doing that, 432 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,160 Speaker 1: but some people that's just kind of organic. And then 433 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:17,680 Speaker 1: you see each person's skills being kind of shared. Right, 434 00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:21,919 Speaker 1: Someone's more, you know, more available emotionally or has more 435 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:25,239 Speaker 1: room that way, can diffuse arguments better. Someone else, you know, 436 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,760 Speaker 1: is more creative, you know, can can generate more. And 437 00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:32,719 Speaker 1: then you watch the complementary aspects of those take place. Uh, 438 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:37,040 Speaker 1: and it looks really fluid in that way. But but 439 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,800 Speaker 1: most people don't commit to evolution. They commit to their expectations. 440 00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:41,440 Speaker 1: They commit to concepts. 441 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,560 Speaker 2: By the way, that's you and this dating coach would 442 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,160 Speaker 2: actually do great work together. He says the same. He says, 443 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,399 Speaker 2: you meet someone. He says it in a more eloquent 444 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:51,679 Speaker 2: way because I don't remember the exact tart words, but 445 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:56,119 Speaker 2: he's saying, you meet someone, and now you're immediately in 446 00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:58,679 Speaker 2: a relationship with your expectations of what this was, what 447 00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:01,560 Speaker 2: their dating profile was, what they what their name is, 448 00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:05,680 Speaker 2: where they're from. Like, you're already completely ahead of yourself 449 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:07,840 Speaker 2: instead of just being in exactly. 450 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:10,560 Speaker 3: What's in front of you. Yeah, and I mean expectations 451 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:13,320 Speaker 3: what you're saying, and that is that is I mean 452 00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:16,440 Speaker 3: that is not an easy that's a and that's a discipline. Right, 453 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:19,280 Speaker 3: there's some sort of discipline to make sure that you're 454 00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:23,679 Speaker 3: actually listening with the person you're with and understanding you 455 00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:26,280 Speaker 3: know what, you know, what their deficiencies are, what their 456 00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:29,359 Speaker 3: sufficiencies are, you know, having a full blown relation, and 457 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:31,800 Speaker 3: it doesn't take away the romance, doesn't take away the creativity, 458 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,600 Speaker 3: you know, it actually allows for it all the time. 459 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:38,640 Speaker 2: Right, what do you think? So? I think that I 460 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:42,320 Speaker 2: I think that love is probably a dangerous word because 461 00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:47,280 Speaker 2: everybody places so much emphasis on either that feeling or 462 00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:49,879 Speaker 2: that word and when like, so people will be like, 463 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:53,760 Speaker 2: but she loves me, Like I know she loves me, 464 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,560 Speaker 2: but it's like, okay, but she loves you, but how 465 00:23:56,640 --> 00:24:01,040 Speaker 2: is she treating you? Or but she loves me? Okay, 466 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,159 Speaker 2: but don't you have to love yourself? Because if she 467 00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:06,119 Speaker 2: loves you but you still are not happy, are you 468 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:06,800 Speaker 2: loving yourself? 469 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:06,879 Speaker 1: Like? 470 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:11,000 Speaker 2: I think the word love is a very uh loaded 471 00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,760 Speaker 2: word because it becomes something that people just rely on 472 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:16,399 Speaker 2: and then they don't have to do everything else. Well, 473 00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:19,800 Speaker 2: I love her, I do love her? Okay, great, so 474 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:23,880 Speaker 2: back it up? So what about that? 475 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:27,440 Speaker 1: You know the expression love conquers all right, Yeah, that's 476 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:30,760 Speaker 1: a dangerous right right right, because it looks because you 477 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:35,000 Speaker 1: put all the onus on love, as you just said, 478 00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:36,120 Speaker 1: to handle everything. 479 00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:39,800 Speaker 2: Love is the answer. Love wins. It's not It isn't right. 480 00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:45,800 Speaker 1: Love is a portal to you know, real work that 481 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:49,840 Speaker 1: needs to be done have a successful relationship. Right, So 482 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,800 Speaker 1: there has to be a foundation of how you feel 483 00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:55,679 Speaker 1: about the person, how you care about the person. You know, 484 00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:59,040 Speaker 1: what's there that a glue that will that will keep 485 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:02,600 Speaker 1: you together during difficult times. But then on top of 486 00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:07,160 Speaker 1: that all the work I said of evolution, communication, understanding, 487 00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:11,159 Speaker 1: be able to hear something, see someone right. You know 488 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:12,879 Speaker 1: a lot of people don't feel seen at all in 489 00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:16,440 Speaker 1: a relationship or don't feel heard. And so love is 490 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,639 Speaker 1: a love is a I can consider it a found 491 00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:23,480 Speaker 1: foundational aspect, but I certainly don't consider it the entire story, right, 492 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:25,480 Speaker 1: And so it can be and and if you're a 493 00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:28,280 Speaker 1: romantic that can you know you're you're counting saying. 494 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,159 Speaker 2: It's the foundation of the house. But you do need 495 00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:31,440 Speaker 2: window treatments. 496 00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:35,879 Speaker 1: Flooring, like you know, all of that, right, And I 497 00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:39,200 Speaker 1: think that's where you know, we've been sold the mythology 498 00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:43,280 Speaker 1: that love conquers all and and then we have tons 499 00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:48,240 Speaker 1: of programming that that support that, right, and and you know, 500 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:49,800 Speaker 1: I mean I think that then people don't do the 501 00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:52,960 Speaker 1: work that's required. And I'm always saying because you know, 502 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:55,199 Speaker 1: they got people have these sayings like, well, you know, 503 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,960 Speaker 1: if if it was really working, you know, I mean, 504 00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:00,960 Speaker 1: you know, which should it shouldn't be this difficult, right, 505 00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:04,760 Speaker 1: you know, love should take care of But I'm saying, what, 506 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:08,680 Speaker 1: it's the only thing you know that doesn't require work. 507 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:11,879 Speaker 1: Everything that requires some sort of you know, work, discipline, 508 00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,960 Speaker 1: you know, commitment. You just need to know that you're 509 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:19,000 Speaker 1: not spinning your wheels, that the work you're doing is growing, developing, 510 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:22,320 Speaker 1: going somewhere. And that's the same in a business relationship 511 00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:25,080 Speaker 1: and a partnership, and there's signs for that as an 512 00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:28,479 Speaker 1: intimate relationship. You don't want to be doing this spinning 513 00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:31,560 Speaker 1: your wheels and spending your wheels and getting no traction 514 00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:35,640 Speaker 1: at all in either a business relationship or an intimate relationship. 515 00:26:36,119 --> 00:26:39,800 Speaker 1: So knowing that it's going somewhere is essential.