Speaker 1: iHeart podcasts, bring you the ultimate Summer of Love Tree.
Speaker 1: This is famously available. It's been here with an episode
Speaker 1: of our new favorite show, and it is absolutely incredible,
Speaker 1: famously available. The best job in the world is the
Speaker 1: job I have right now where I get to chat
Speaker 1: with incredible single women. Today, we have one of my favorites,
Speaker 1: former Bachelorette Dianna Stagliano favorites.
Speaker 2: Am I living up to that?
Speaker 1: Ben? Oh? Every time? Yeah, this has been like a blast.
Speaker 2: I'm really glad you got a full dose of me
Speaker 2: over the last forty eight hours. Oh, it'll be changed forever.
Speaker 1: I will never be the same. No, it's going to
Speaker 1: be a better version of myself. As soon as I
Speaker 1: walked into the Verbo Summer lake House and Lake Tahoe
Speaker 1: and I saw you there, you have like this ability
Speaker 1: to gather a group and entertain like you like people
Speaker 1: kind of gravitate to be around you. I don't know
Speaker 1: if you ever notice that in your life, but like
Speaker 1: you bring a crowd and it's pretty incredible to witness.
Speaker 2: That's really kind. Thank you. I don't notice that about myself.
Speaker 1: I don't start watching You're very very rarely alone in
Speaker 1: social gatherings because I think people just like to be
Speaker 1: around you.
Speaker 2: I think I'm an I'm an extrovert at heart, like
Speaker 2: I like, through and through, I am an extrovert. I
Speaker 2: also just thank you for saying that I'm very flattered.
Speaker 2: I don't know how much they're paying you for this, Ben,
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't know either at this point, So yeah, I.
Speaker 2: Thank you for saying that. I think I just tried
Speaker 2: to lead with like just being true to myself, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean. I tend to think I'm pretty
Speaker 2: genuine and I don't want anyone to read between the lines.
Speaker 2: I like to be myself, but also be the good
Speaker 2: version myself. Every day I'm waking up like I want
Speaker 2: to be a better person. I want to be a
Speaker 2: better mother, I want to be a better woman. I'd
Speaker 2: like to be a better partner someday to someone, But
Speaker 2: I just want to be good. Like that's it at
Speaker 2: the end of the day. I just want to be
Speaker 2: a good person. And I cherish genuine friendships and relationships.
Speaker 2: I really value that. I don't do surface level well,
Speaker 2: so the people that I do spend my time with,
Speaker 2: I don't know, like, I genuinely want to get to
Speaker 2: know you. I want to get to know that wall.
Speaker 2: I can sit here for the next hour and genuinely
Speaker 2: know that window behind you, like I just don't do
Speaker 2: surface level very well. I cherish that you know.
Speaker 1: What and I see that a prayer of my heart
Speaker 1: this year to my wife was I told her personally,
Speaker 1: I'm thirty six years old. In the last ten years
Speaker 1: of my life, I've had very few people ask me
Speaker 1: questions to actually get to know me. And my wife
Speaker 1: sees it. She's like, I get that, I've seen you
Speaker 1: around social gets, I've seen you around friends, like nobody
Speaker 1: really like spends time to try to understand, like what
Speaker 1: makes Ben tick. And I said, it's a priyer in
Speaker 1: my heart to get that this year, you do a
Speaker 1: great job at it, which I think is one of
Speaker 1: the many reasons why this is going to be a
Speaker 1: lot of fun for me to sit in a seat
Speaker 1: of being able to walk alongside of you, but also
Speaker 1: just witness like you putting yourself out there to the world,
Speaker 1: having hilarious stories from dates, having really great stories from dates,
Speaker 1: and men getting to sit with you and for you to,
Speaker 1: no matter what, take the time to get to know them.
Speaker 1: I think it's going to do great things for them
Speaker 1: and for you and for me. And it's a journey
Speaker 1: that I can't wait for the listener to follow on.
Speaker 1: I did mention we're at the Verbo Summerhouse in Lake
Speaker 1: Taha right now. Verbos last Minute deals are live on
Speaker 1: the Verbo app and website, showing travelers nearly three hundred
Speaker 1: thousand discounted properties they can book thirty days in front
Speaker 1: of checking. It's really simple to find these deals. Last
Speaker 1: Minute Booking Filter is an industry first for vacation rentals.
Speaker 1: Discount of vacation rentals are also labeled with a last
Speaker 1: Minute badge that displays the total amount travelers can save
Speaker 1: on their booking make it an easy, efficient, effective plus,
Speaker 1: travelers never have to second guess the total cost or
Speaker 1: worry about hidden fees. Verbo displays all mandatory fees in
Speaker 1: the upfront price. And as I said, we're here at
Speaker 1: the Verbo Summerhouse in Lake Tahoe right now. It is beautiful.
Speaker 1: It is incredible, And going back to what we were just
Speaker 1: talking about, we are surrounded by some really special people.
Speaker 1: It's one of my favorite parts about getting together in
Speaker 1: a group setting with people that I don't know personally,
Speaker 1: usually coming into them and just getting to know people better.
Speaker 1: It's been funny over the years of doing things like this.
Speaker 1: I don't always like see eye to eye with everybody,
Speaker 1: but seeing everybody's different person and kind of understanding how
Speaker 1: they tick has been just like fascinating and fun and
Speaker 1: allowed me to feel still so connected to the people
Speaker 1: of the past and then the people that have just
Speaker 1: you know, walked off the show.
Speaker 2: Recently, I was saying this to a friend of mine
Speaker 2: this morning, is like you can see where some of
Speaker 2: the people coming in the lights are still on, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean, And there must be I can't
Speaker 2: imagine anything more fun than putting a bunch of washed
Speaker 2: up reality stars in one house. And who gets more attention.
Speaker 2: My story is more important, I'm more famous, I make
Speaker 2: more money. My story is way more cool. I think
Speaker 2: it is also really incredible to see it when you
Speaker 2: walk into a room, right, this is a very fun
Speaker 2: situation all of us here and here everybody share their stories,
Speaker 2: their experience, and it is different but also the same
Speaker 2: on so many levels. But what I appreciate about you
Speaker 2: and I think that I am the same, is I
Speaker 2: didn't have this expectation when I came off the show
Speaker 2: that I was going to be this big star, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean. And I shared with you last
Speaker 2: night how much money I actually made. Like I genuinely
Speaker 2: went on the show for the right reasons. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 2: also a little stupid.
Speaker 1: But I fall in that same category of not a
Speaker 1: lot of money and not right reasons and very stupid
Speaker 1: and saying yes to something that was making two hundred
Speaker 1: and fifty million dollars.
Speaker 2: But think about it, there are a few things in
Speaker 2: my life that have changed the trajectory of my life.
Speaker 2: And I have a long story of resilience. I just do.
Speaker 2: I just have to overcome some really hard things in
Speaker 2: my life. But going on the Bachelor and the becoming
Speaker 2: the Bachelorette changed the trajectory of my life. That was
Speaker 2: one of the first. The second was getting married and
Speaker 2: then divorced. It's not how you see your life, but
Speaker 2: I think that when you look back on those moments,
Speaker 2: there are places where I personally and I want to
Speaker 2: surround myself with people of the same. There is growth
Speaker 2: to be found to be had in those moments, right,
Speaker 2: And you were saying the conversation thing you can't teach
Speaker 2: that to people what your wife told you. I think
Speaker 2: that many times when I walk away, I think I
Speaker 2: just had dinner with someone and they never asked me
Speaker 2: one question about myself. They didn't. And I don't know
Speaker 2: if people just don't learn that, or if it's us
Speaker 2: as humans we have this egotistical piece in us that
Speaker 2: we just can't help. You just can't help it, right,
Speaker 2: it's human nature, but that they just can't see past themselves.
Speaker 2: Do you understand what I'm saying?
Speaker 1: One hundred percent, one hundred percent see that. And that's
Speaker 1: why I mean I said, I think when it comes
Speaker 1: to this experience, you are I don't know if you
Speaker 1: see yourself in this. I see you right now as
Speaker 1: a great dater, meaning you're going to go on some
Speaker 1: fantastic dates because you are going to invest into the
Speaker 1: other side. And I hope that they reciprocate and invest
Speaker 1: into you.
Speaker 2: But that'll be a hard past for me. Say we
Speaker 2: go on this really great day, and not that I
Speaker 2: haven't been on really great dates before in my entire life,
Speaker 2: but I have a hard time walking away and thinking, Oh,
Speaker 2: that person didn't choose to get to know me at all. Yeah,
Speaker 2: And again I can talk to a wall I have
Speaker 2: no problem with that. I can sit through a two
Speaker 2: hour long date and no, I'm not going to have
Speaker 2: a second date, but still genuinely get to know someone
Speaker 2: and hear about their life or their experience. I can
Speaker 2: absolutely do that. I can find appreciation in that. But
Speaker 2: I will not choose to invest in someone or go
Speaker 2: on a second date for when it's not reciprocated. Like
Speaker 2: reciprocation is so important to me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and a few years in the marriage now one
Speaker 1: of the most incredible pieces of being married is the
Speaker 1: fact that I have somebody in my life who wants
Speaker 1: to get to know me, like her cry of her
Speaker 1: heart is to get to know me, and I don't
Speaker 1: always allow it because I'm not used to it. I
Speaker 1: spent an hour and a half with Producer Easton last night,
Speaker 1: and he asked me questions about myself that nobody's ever
Speaker 1: asked me. It was amazing, It's therapeutic. I loved it.
Speaker 1: I went to bed and say, my head against the pillows. Goodness,
Speaker 1: you talked about yourself a lot last night. But it's
Speaker 1: just because I'm uncomfortable with it. And it's the same
Speaker 1: thing happens with my wife. It's one of the coolest
Speaker 1: parts about marriage is you have a teammate that says,
Speaker 1: I want to know you inside and out, your fears,
Speaker 1: your insecurities, your joys, your successes, and I want to
Speaker 1: do that for the rest of my life because those
Speaker 1: are going to change.
Speaker 2: I'm going to tell you at the end of the night.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you do a gratitude list or not,
Speaker 2: but I don't always write it down, but I have
Speaker 2: some things that I just run through my head, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean, quickly as I'm laying my head
Speaker 2: down on the pillow. And that's something to be really
Speaker 2: grateful for because I believe that relationships. I don't care
Speaker 2: if you get married or two men, two women, a
Speaker 2: man and a wife, I don't, you know, partnership, that's
Speaker 2: how it should be. That's really beautiful to have a partner,
Speaker 2: a spouse, someone who genuinely wants to know you and
Speaker 2: love you and support you. Like that's really beautiful. And
Speaker 2: imagine how many people don't have that. Like at the
Speaker 2: end of the day, Ben, I would be laying my
Speaker 2: sweet little head down and going, thank you God, thank
Speaker 2: you that she wants to deeply know me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's uh, thank you God.
Speaker 2: That Easton wants to deeply know you.
Speaker 1: I know there's some there's like some really special moments,
Speaker 1: and it's it's been incredible. But it's also been the
Speaker 1: prayer of the year for me, as somebody would ask
Speaker 1: me a question about myself, which gets me into asking
Speaker 1: you a bunch of questions about yourself.
Speaker 2: I'm so good at this. Yeah, super shy.
Speaker 1: These are some wild questions. Let's start all right, your age.
Speaker 1: I am forty three, forty three years old. Describe your
Speaker 1: physical appearance. If somebody's listening and they're like, I don't
Speaker 1: really know what Deanna looks like, how would you describe yourself?
Speaker 2: I'm five foot four, which is average?
Speaker 1: Is it?
Speaker 2: It is? I think it is. I think for a woman,
Speaker 2: five foot four is average. Okay, now listen, I'm not
Speaker 2: always right. A lot of times I am ben.
Speaker 1: But I might question the five foot four thing. We
Speaker 1: need to give get a measurement out here.
Speaker 2: Did you see me against all the women in pickleball?
Speaker 2: I was the tallest of the group and I'm never
Speaker 2: the tallest of the group. Yeah, but it's good because
Speaker 2: I like to be shorter, like a really tall man.
Speaker 1: You're a great partner, fierce.
Speaker 2: I'm an excellent pickleball player.
Speaker 1: I think you're an athlete. That's one way I describe yourself. Athlete.
Speaker 2: True, yeah, true, I will not argue with you.
Speaker 1: Amazing gun.
Speaker 2: You can really she does have a potty mouth as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you can get into it. Can you as
Speaker 1: you describe your physical appearance, can you just if you're
Speaker 1: hitting a pickleball. We played in a pickleball tournament out
Speaker 1: here in Lake Tahoe. If you're hitting a ball, can
Speaker 1: you just give us an example of what your grunt.
Speaker 2: I won't do it in here. This is embarrassing, and
Speaker 2: I'm so thankful. As the day went on yesterday, I
Speaker 2: did have this mental moment where I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: thank God no one is filming this, Like, thank you
Speaker 2: Lord for allowing me to be my favorite, my free
Speaker 2: self right now. I'm poor Ben Right. We have had
Speaker 2: a luxury of like knowing of each other over the years,
Speaker 2: but this is the most time we've actually spent together. Yeah,
Speaker 2: how great, am I.
Speaker 1: You're a thank you? Yeah, thank you? Brown eyes, brown eyes.
Speaker 2: I have nice big eyes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, shoes eyes.
Speaker 2: When I was little, I was a baby. If you
Speaker 2: start talking about my toes. I'm getting up, I'm walking out. Uh,
Speaker 2: my dad called me Et. I was born in eighty one,
Speaker 2: which is the year ET came out. But I was
Speaker 2: this little, tiny baby. And you have a baby, and
Speaker 2: you know how tiny they are. But I had these
Speaker 2: really big eyes, like really really big eyes.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I had an excellent smile.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: In high school, I was voted best smile.
Speaker 1: I see it, and you let that smile shine bright.
Speaker 2: If I'm not smiling, something is wrong and you should
Speaker 2: ask me. I am genuinely a happy human being.
Speaker 1: You talked about your time on the show and the
Speaker 1: good things that came from it. We talked about how
Speaker 1: pivotal it was in our growth as humans. But outside
Speaker 1: of those friendships, tell us about the relationships that came
Speaker 1: from the show, Like, what are some of the standout
Speaker 1: things that have happened to you personally from this experience
Speaker 1: on the Bachelor and Bachelorette that have made you the
Speaker 1: person you are today.
Speaker 2: I don't think you could put a weight on that,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. I cherish the women from
Speaker 2: the show, I really do. I tend to think that
Speaker 2: I'm everyone's biggest cheerleader all the bachelorettes. We have like
Speaker 2: one group text and I'm the first person if they're like, Hey,
Speaker 2: I've got a book, will you promote it? Absolutely? Let
Speaker 2: me cheer you on. You have something, you have a song,
Speaker 2: you have a podcast, you need a guest, let me
Speaker 2: let me do that for you.
Speaker 1: It just sounds like you're talking about Kaylyn Brislo right now.
Speaker 2: I love Kayln Bristow, all of the women, all the women, Andy, Desirae, Trista. Please,
Speaker 2: I'm your biggest cheerleader. I would love to do anything
Speaker 2: to support to support these women. I love them. I
Speaker 2: think you just naturally gravitate to certain people over others,
Speaker 2: Like that's just who I am. But I love every
Speaker 2: one of them. And you know, the last few years
Speaker 2: have not just been difficult for me, several women have
Speaker 2: gone through breakups and divorce, and I made a point
Speaker 2: to reach out to those women because I know how
Speaker 2: isolating it felt for me in that time. And I
Speaker 2: just thought, if it's just a hey, I'm thinking about you,
Speaker 2: you are loved, you are more. If there's anything I
Speaker 2: can do, let me know. I just want to genuinely
Speaker 2: lift people up, and I just feel like that's a
Speaker 2: good place to be in life. Trista I adore from
Speaker 2: the second I was on the show until now, Like
Speaker 2: she's just great. She's intentional, and I love that when
Speaker 2: it comes to friendships, relationships, whatever you want to call them,
Speaker 2: intentionality is important to me. And there have been many
Speaker 2: times over the last few months that Trista has either
Speaker 2: called me or texted me just to check on me.
Speaker 2: And I needed that. I needed that in a time
Speaker 2: in my life where I felt so isolated and I
Speaker 2: felt so very alone. And then I've had the pleasure
Speaker 2: of doing some really awesome things since the show. I
Speaker 2: don't know if you know this, but I've been to
Speaker 2: Iraq twice, in Afghanistan twice.
Speaker 1: No, yeah, I did with the show.
Speaker 2: No, so after I was the bachelorette and after I
Speaker 2: broke up with the guy that I chose, which we'll
Speaker 2: put that one to bed. Let's say I don't can't
Speaker 2: say it out.
Speaker 1: Loud, Oh okay, I can't. Baltimore, Valdimore.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I got to do four good will tours to
Speaker 2: visit the troops when the Iraqi War was going on.
Speaker 2: And like I come from a family of military people,
Speaker 2: like my dad was in the Navy. Both of my
Speaker 2: grandfathers were in World War Two. Like, I just have
Speaker 2: a like a serious respect for anyone who supports our
Speaker 2: country in that way. Like I literally walk free because
Speaker 2: there are people who are willing to sacrifice for this right.
Speaker 2: I went to Iraq twice and to afghanist Stand twice
Speaker 2: as a good will tour to visit the troops during
Speaker 2: the war, and it was hands down the coolest things
Speaker 2: I've ever done in my life. Coolest thing I ever done.
Speaker 2: I've shot a fifty cow. I'm like, really cool.
Speaker 1: That's sweet.
Speaker 2: I'm like really cool.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're you're cool. I mean, any guy listening right
Speaker 1: now is going all right, I can see myself outside
Speaker 1: of the marriage. What's the most serious relationship that you've had.
Speaker 2: I actually dated a guy all throughout high school into
Speaker 2: my twenties for five years before I ever went on
Speaker 2: the Bachelor or the Bachelorette. I was in a five
Speaker 2: year relationship and he was like my first love. Yeah,
Speaker 2: he was my first love, and I thought I was
Speaker 2: going to marry this guy. I thought we were going
Speaker 2: to be high school sweethearts and live happily ever after.
Speaker 2: And that was that like young love that you know,
Speaker 2: you get the butterflies. Yeah, you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: like that almost like sick love to where it's almost
Speaker 2: like an obsession, you know. And his family was really
Speaker 2: good to me in a time when I needed it.
Speaker 2: My mom died when I was twelve, and I moved
Speaker 2: to Georgia and didn't know anyone, and I had a
Speaker 2: really terrible stepmother and my just at home life was
Speaker 2: really awful. And he and his family were wonderful to
Speaker 2: me in a time when I really needed it. And
Speaker 2: I spent five wonder four years with him, you know,
Speaker 2: the cheating aside and some of the other stuff, but
Speaker 2: it was really great. It was young love. It was
Speaker 2: really great. But that would be, yeah, outside of my
Speaker 2: ex husband, that would be my longest relationship.
Speaker 1: And maybe the most influential.
Speaker 2: I would say that one was for sure. He was
Speaker 2: the first guy. And because I was still dealing with
Speaker 2: grief and loss from my mother, Like that's a great
Speaker 2: loss to lose a mother, that you have a daughter,
Speaker 2: You have a daughter. That is one of the most
Speaker 2: important relationships that a child can have as a mother.
Speaker 2: And I am grateful for twelve years I had a
Speaker 2: really incredible mother. And not that I dated a lot
Speaker 2: when I was younger. It was never very important to me.
Speaker 2: But he was one of the very few people in
Speaker 2: my life. And we've all know I've dated a lot.
Speaker 2: I did it on television. So he genuinely wanted to
Speaker 2: know me, and he genuinely wanted to know my family.
Speaker 2: My mother. He wasn't scared to ask about her. And
Speaker 2: I think there's something with like death and divorce that's
Speaker 2: a form of death to me, where people are scared
Speaker 2: to ask.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: They don't want to make you sad. They don't want
Speaker 2: you to have to talk about really difficult things, breakups.
Speaker 2: They don't want you to have to talk about those things.
Speaker 2: For me, it was like, don't you care enough to ask?
Speaker 2: This woman made me who I am. This woman made
Speaker 2: me feel I was a chubby child. I really liked McDonald's. Really,
Speaker 2: my mother made me feel beautiful. I'm really grateful I
Speaker 2: never grew up with like body image issues because my
Speaker 2: mother made me feel beautiful. She never made me look
Speaker 2: around a room and see that there were different sizes
Speaker 2: or different colors or different shapes. We were taught to
Speaker 2: love like that's how it was. And so for me,
Speaker 2: I was so proud and so happy to discuss this
Speaker 2: woman who made me who I am. I am strong
Speaker 2: because of her, I am resilient because of her. I
Speaker 2: know my worth because of her. And so for me,
Speaker 2: I love talking about her. And he was one of
Speaker 2: the very few people in my life in like partnership wise,
Speaker 2: that was ever brave enough to talk about her, to
Speaker 2: ask about her, to ask about my mother, who she was,
Speaker 2: who she is, how she impacted me in my life.
Speaker 2: You know, because people are scared. They don't want you
Speaker 2: to be sad, they don't want you to have to grieve.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I think, I mean, I also think
Speaker 1: there's like a some investment that goes into dating before
Speaker 1: you feel comfortable asking those questions. But you do have
Speaker 1: a great story to tell, and a crazy story to tell,
Speaker 1: and one that has a lot of twists and turns,
Speaker 1: and a lot of it in the last few years
Speaker 1: has become very public. And I'm sure you've learned a
Speaker 1: lot about what now as you sit here, what a
Speaker 1: partner could look like for you. And so if you
Speaker 1: were to kind of describe some like three significant characters
Speaker 1: oristics of now what you're looking for in a partner
Speaker 1: a companion of dating, you know, a day even what
Speaker 1: would those be.
Speaker 2: I actually have a really hard time with this question.
Speaker 2: I don't know that I know exactly what I'm looking
Speaker 2: for and what would stand out. But I just in
Speaker 2: my heart feel at peace that like something great is
Speaker 2: coming for me, and I feel really secure about that,
Speaker 2: and I feel really okay with just like sitting in
Speaker 2: a place and waiting for it.
Speaker 1: Is there an excitement?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm so excited. I am. I am in a
Speaker 2: very transformational place in my life and in your right,
Speaker 2: it has been a really difficult time in my life.
Speaker 2: I have experienced things in the last few months that
Speaker 2: I don't ever want to go through ever again. That like,
Speaker 2: if that's like the low point of my life and
Speaker 2: that's where I had to go to go up, then
Speaker 2: let that be that. I don't ever want to do
Speaker 2: that again. It's just not a good look, Ben. But
Speaker 2: I do just feel like there is something great and
Speaker 2: I don't know what it is. There is a great
Speaker 2: job out there for me. There's a great man, and
Speaker 2: I don't know that I can tell you what that
Speaker 2: looks like. I'm hoping that when it happens, I'm like
Speaker 2: blown away by it and I'm like, ah, yeah, this
Speaker 2: is it, this is it, This is for me. But
Speaker 2: I do feel like in my gut and in my
Speaker 2: heart of hearts that like there's something, there's something great
Speaker 2: coming for me, and I think it's coming soon, and
Speaker 2: I just feel really excited about that. I know emotionally
Speaker 2: how I want to feel in my next relationship, in
Speaker 2: my next partnership, and I like, really really want to
Speaker 2: feel very safe in a relationship. And I say that
Speaker 2: for me in a partnership with a man. But I
Speaker 2: think that's really important in all aspects of relationships in
Speaker 2: your life. I think it's really important in friendship. I
Speaker 2: think it's very important in family. I think it's very
Speaker 2: important between a mother and their children. Right, I have
Speaker 2: two children. I want them to feel safe coming to me.
Speaker 2: That is like top on my list is I want
Speaker 2: to feel safe because I think if I'm looking back
Speaker 2: at times in my life, I don't have a lot
Speaker 2: of moments been where I felt really safe in relationships.
Speaker 2: I have a deep, deep fear of abandonment.
Speaker 1: How are you like handling that you've.
Speaker 2: Thousands of dollars for therapy? That was going to ask
Speaker 2: it's funny, but it's not funny.
Speaker 1: I've done that. Yeah, I mean because you can communicate
Speaker 1: it and you can say it, which is obviously a
Speaker 1: big step, but those things kind of hanging over you.
Speaker 1: I mean it sounds like to me right now and
Speaker 1: getting to talk to you a few times here and
Speaker 1: a lot of aspects of your life, it's kind of
Speaker 1: a reset and a blank slate like and I think
Speaker 1: that's actually like for me listening to you, I get
Speaker 1: excited about that because a lot of times in life,
Speaker 1: as we get older and the more things get built up,
Speaker 1: it's hard to reset. It takes a lot of things,
Speaker 1: either being forced to reset or some really hard intentional
Speaker 1: choices to reset you. I think, if if it's fair,
Speaker 1: you kind of were forced into a reset in a
Speaker 1: lot of ways.
Speaker 2: It's a cleansing.
Speaker 1: It's cleansing.
Speaker 2: It's a cleansing. I don't when relationships come to an end.
Speaker 2: I am not a person who goes back. I am
Speaker 2: not one of those women that gives someone ten chances
Speaker 2: to come back. Now, I will tell you that I
Speaker 2: clung desperately to my marriage, but that was different. I
Speaker 2: really valued my marriage. I valued my vows that I took.
Speaker 2: I am a Christian like to me, that was super important.
Speaker 2: I clung to my marriage on hands and knees. Sometimes
Speaker 2: I begged, please don't do this, Please don't leave me.
Speaker 2: I'll never do it again. I will never do it again.
Speaker 1: Why not?
Speaker 2: Because I shouldn't have to. I shouldn't have to beg
Speaker 2: someone to love me, choose me. I shouldn't have to.
Speaker 2: That's not real love. I think I clung to a
Speaker 2: person and to a marriage that was never really mine.
Speaker 2: I was never going to be number one, and frankly,
Speaker 2: I would like to be.
Speaker 1: That's our third characteristic before you're looking for in a
Speaker 1: significant other. Yeah, you want to be number one? I
Speaker 1: mean I think it's it's not a crazy ask. That
Speaker 1: is it is a commitment my wife and I made
Speaker 1: to each other. As many kids as we have, we
Speaker 1: will always be each other's number one.
Speaker 2: Don't confuse that I'm not looking for a pedestal. No,
Speaker 2: I'm not a princess. I don't need to be treated
Speaker 2: like a queen. I just want to be chosen.
Speaker 1: You just want to be chosen. I think it's very fair.
Speaker 1: You know, this is your scenario, is what I do.
Speaker 1: And when I say this, it is exciting for me
Speaker 1: because of this kind of like blank slate because of
Speaker 1: your excitement towards whatever is happening in your future. Because
Speaker 1: you look at your future and there's a smile on
Speaker 1: your face about it, like something good is coming and
Speaker 1: you feel it and you know it and you believe it.
Speaker 1: That's exciting for me just to even be able to
Speaker 1: witness it.
Speaker 2: But you have to send me on a date first, Ben.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're going to get there. I uh. I have
Speaker 1: some rapid fire questions about dating for you, and I'm
Speaker 1: going to choose with you to ask even the most
Speaker 1: intimate ones. You have all abilities to say. I'm not
Speaker 1: answering that, but I'd love for you to try. Are
Speaker 1: you willing to be the primary breadwinner?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: Uh? Do you? What do? If you could look at
Speaker 1: your life, you have a partner in it, You're not
Speaker 1: the primary breadwinner. What does your days look like?
Speaker 2: It's such a loaded question.
Speaker 1: Oh it's a good question. I think it was a
Speaker 1: fantastic question.
Speaker 2: It's a great question, but it's loaded.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I see. I don't see like a day to day
Speaker 2: in great detail what I want to share with you,
Speaker 2: But I see like equal. I see I see joy,
Speaker 2: I see peace, I see fulfillment. I see a place
Speaker 2: where I belong and where I want to belong. And yeah,
Speaker 2: I see safety like I see that. I see that
Speaker 2: in myself and in my future partnership.
Speaker 1: I do such a big word for you. You've used it
Speaker 1: a few times. Safety. Can you elaborate on what that
Speaker 1: actually means?
Speaker 2: I want to be safe, to be truly who I am.
Speaker 2: I'm not dismissing the fact of like you spend time
Speaker 2: you are married. You know this. I was married for
Speaker 2: a very long time. You can't help it. We're all human.
Speaker 2: Certain things start to get on your nerves. It just happens.
Speaker 2: But in a place to be safely yourself good and bad, right,
Speaker 2: we all have good days, we all have bad days. Ben,
Speaker 2: I love myself, but I'm not telling you I'm easy.
Speaker 2: I know that is not the case. I need someone
Speaker 2: who can take me and hold me, do you know
Speaker 2: what I mean? Almost like a baby, like when I'm
Speaker 2: talking about this cleansing. I have just put a fifteen
Speaker 2: year relationship to bed. I have grieved that every wave
Speaker 2: of that. I've grieved that. I've been angry, I've and sad.
Speaker 2: I've been happy, I've been excited. I've been sorely depressed
Speaker 2: about it. I've grieved every wave of that. I just
Speaker 2: think that there is room for like when you do that,
Speaker 2: when there is this cleansing, you become new. Right and
Speaker 2: right now, I need to be held. I need to
Speaker 2: be coddled. And in order to feel safe, you need
Speaker 2: someone who is willing to put in the time and
Speaker 2: effort because I can be reactive and I'm trying to
Speaker 2: learn how not to be that. And I think in
Speaker 2: some of your deepest, safest relationships, you can be your
Speaker 2: worst self. You should be safe to be able to
Speaker 2: do so, but also accepted in those moments.
Speaker 1: I hear that, I understand that you need like a
Speaker 1: big hug.
Speaker 2: I'm a good hugger too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I need a big hug because I think you're great.
Speaker 1: Thank you. But I hear what you're saying, and it's
Speaker 1: just like, at my worst, am I still going to
Speaker 1: be loved? I think? Is what like I'm hearing? Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like at when I don't have it all together? Is
Speaker 1: that going to make somebody run? And the cool part
Speaker 1: is and I think what you're asking for is no,
Speaker 1: they're just run closer to you.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, don't run further away.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is an interesting question. I think and I
Speaker 1: want to hear kind of. I mean, I'm trying to
Speaker 1: be sensitive to obviously you're fifteen years of marriage and
Speaker 1: to move on past that because you have and you're
Speaker 1: excited about what's in front of you. But this question,
Speaker 1: I think really will help me understand your situation better
Speaker 1: and the listeners better. Would you date someone that your
Speaker 1: family doesn't like? Like? How much input are you going
Speaker 1: to allow them to have? And when I say family,
Speaker 1: I even mean like close friends, because I know you
Speaker 1: get older sometimes.
Speaker 2: No, I think those are red flags, Ben, I think
Speaker 2: those are red flags. And everyone goes into relationships with
Speaker 2: what is it, rose colored glasses? You just do. You
Speaker 2: don't always see the bad things right, And so we
Speaker 2: are going to depend on the people around us who
Speaker 2: know us the best. I have friends who have literally
Speaker 2: put on boots and truck through the mud with me
Speaker 2: over the last few years. Those people know me through
Speaker 2: and through and they love me. And I feel very
Speaker 2: safe with those people and those friendships. In those times
Speaker 2: where I'm newly with someone and all I see is
Speaker 2: their greatness, I'm going to trust those people to say, hey, Deanna,
Speaker 2: make sure you're seeing these or that's a red flag.
Speaker 2: Because I don't want to miss those again. I don't
Speaker 2: want to wake up fifteen years from nound and be like.
Speaker 1: Oops, do you give them space to speak that into you?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Oh yeah, Yeah. I have a couple of friends
Speaker 2: in LA that I value their wise counsel, advice, the prayers,
Speaker 2: every bit of it. Like I cling to their words.
Speaker 2: They know me sometimes better than I know myself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's my number one piece of advice for twenties.
Speaker 1: I was just at a conference last week and spoke
Speaker 1: to a bunch of twenty year olds twenty to twenty eight,
Speaker 1: and I said, my number one piece of advice at
Speaker 1: this point in my life is find one, two, three, four.
Speaker 1: If you have ten awesome. But like a few friends
Speaker 1: that you give this space to speak into you on
Speaker 1: your successes and the things that are concerning them, and
Speaker 1: listen to them. Not everybody. Don't listen to the masses,
Speaker 1: but listen to the few that know you and love you.
Speaker 2: And those are the people that can do that. Those
Speaker 2: are the people that can do that in a very loving,
Speaker 2: healthy way. When it is presented to you and done
Speaker 2: in a very loving and healthy, healthy way, hopefully you
Speaker 2: can be receptive to that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I think yeah. I think that's the starting point.
Speaker 1: Is I'm willing to listen, and then I want to listen,
Speaker 1: and I'm allowing you to speak into me, so I
Speaker 1: will listen. You have to be receptive, absolutely. You don't
Speaker 1: want to open that door up if it's just going
Speaker 1: to cause controversy and confrontation. You want to open that
Speaker 1: door up to listen. And it sounds like you are
Speaker 1: willing and able and you have the people to do that,
Speaker 1: but they're also going to play a huge voice in
Speaker 1: this next chapter for you.
Speaker 2: Well, do you know what I'll add? My children have
Speaker 2: to like someone like I have two kids. That's not
Speaker 2: anything that I'm hiding like that, I don't know. I
Speaker 2: actually was chatting with Kelly yesterday on a separate podcast
Speaker 2: and asking her advice. Her children are older than mine,
Speaker 2: So when do you introduce someone to your kids. I
Speaker 2: have not met anyone that I think is good enough
Speaker 2: for my children. And I don't mean that as an
Speaker 2: insult to someone else. I mean that is like, my
Speaker 2: children are my world, They're my pride. I do not
Speaker 2: want a revolving door around my children, a revolving door
Speaker 2: of men. I don't want that for them. It would
Speaker 2: have to be someone really great that I think is
Speaker 2: worthy of being in my children's life because I value
Speaker 2: them that much. It would also be concerning to me
Speaker 2: because I have the greatest kids in the entire world.
Speaker 2: If they came to me and said, hey, Joe Shmo
Speaker 2: is really terrible, I don't like him, that's a red
Speaker 2: flag to me. It's a red flag.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, But there's not like a timetable. It's not like, hey,
Speaker 1: six months, it's for you. It's more of like a
Speaker 1: we'll feel it out, well, I'll know.
Speaker 2: I have this like in my head, I don't want
Speaker 2: to introduce anyone to the kids before a year. I
Speaker 2: just like have that in my head because I think
Speaker 2: the same thing in relationships. I don't think you fully
Speaker 2: get to know someone. There is a there's a place
Speaker 2: of where it's just like you know lust for quite
Speaker 2: some time. That's not real love. You don't you don't
Speaker 2: really truly love someone. I don't feel like until like
Speaker 2: seven or eight months, you just don't fully know someone
Speaker 2: yet you haven't done enough real life. So I can't imagine,
Speaker 2: like before a year, putting someone in my kid's life.
Speaker 2: But then again, like I have faith. If someone comes
Speaker 2: along and I'm like, this is it like that? I
Speaker 2: just feel it in my heart of hearts, like this
Speaker 2: is in my gut, then maybe I'll feel differently. But
Speaker 2: no one has. No one has made me feel differently yet.
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's shame that. Let's let's bring somebody in here
Speaker 1: that's going to rock your world in all the best ways.
Speaker 1: If at this point in your life we've talked previously
Speaker 1: about kind of what you're interested in and keeping things,
Speaker 1: it sounds like to me you want to be serious,
Speaker 1: but you also want to keep things casual. You do
Speaker 1: have your kids, and there's days with your kids that
Speaker 1: you are dedicating and then you can date, you know,
Speaker 1: when the kids aren't around, or you know, strategically, if
Speaker 1: you went on a date and somebody said, this is awesome,
Speaker 1: I want to go on another date with you. I
Speaker 1: want to get to know you better. But I'm going
Speaker 1: to be honest, I'm also dating three other people right now.
Speaker 1: Is that okay with you?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right, It's totally okay. Can I date three
Speaker 2: other people at the same time? Yeah? Yeah. I am
Speaker 2: not a serial dater. I'm more of a monogamous person.
Speaker 2: I have a really hard time concentrating on more than
Speaker 2: one person at a time like that. So so I
Speaker 2: don't know that I would do it, but I think
Speaker 2: that is absolutely appropriate for someone to be dating multiple
Speaker 2: people at a time till they figure out what's important
Speaker 2: and like, listen, I think I'm pretty great. If I'm
Speaker 2: not in for them, please move on.
Speaker 1: But it'd be so much cooler if somebody said down
Speaker 1: on one day and they're like, hey, I was dating
Speaker 1: these other people, but I don't want to.
Speaker 2: Bet me away. You're it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, God, I got to call them tomorrow because I'm done.
Speaker 2: I'm cutting off all the other sisters. You're it.
Speaker 1: That'd be awesome, not that I would even be considered, uh,
Speaker 1: but yeah, I'm going to take my name out of
Speaker 1: the pool here to keep things less awkward. The we
Speaker 1: do that, we're going to kind of switch into more
Speaker 1: of the physical elements of dating, uh, sex, looks uh
Speaker 1: and also kind of what you're into.
Speaker 2: You're just making it weird.
Speaker 1: I'm making it very weird right now. It's not my fault.
Speaker 1: Of all the bachelors since the beginning, who is the
Speaker 1: most handsome in your opinion?
Speaker 2: My bachelor Brad was pretty good looking.
Speaker 1: He is a handsome.
Speaker 2: He's a handsome stud muffin. Like he's really hot.
Speaker 1: Like he's kind of only gotten hotter too.
Speaker 2: He is he is. I tend to think that I
Speaker 2: have had the hottest Bachelor of all time. I really do.
Speaker 1: No, I mean, I just interviewed him and I was like, goodness, gracious, buddy.
Speaker 2: Did you really Yeah, he's alive.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's great.
Speaker 2: Well that's so great.
Speaker 1: Got big muscles, he's.
Speaker 2: Very big, beefy man. Yeah, I'm actually not into the beef.
Speaker 2: I don't mind some some armmage. Yeah, but I'm just
Speaker 2: not into the beef. Like I get my protein. But
Speaker 2: I'm not like counting Graham's all day.
Speaker 1: He'd keep you safe.
Speaker 2: He would keep me safe, for sure. I think he
Speaker 2: keeps someone safe.
Speaker 1: He does.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's also very attractive.
Speaker 1: I think, Yeah, it makes sense. It makes absolutely who
Speaker 1: had the greatest personality of all the Bachelor's.
Speaker 2: Bob, listen you aside. I think you're really great.
Speaker 1: I think you're really I can't even be talked about
Speaker 1: in this Remember, I'm out, like you can't even consent.
Speaker 2: I'm so glad. But let me say I've told someone today.
Speaker 2: I was very pleased that I very few people come
Speaker 2: onto this show and leave still being true to themselves.
Speaker 2: It just happens that some people change, right, they become
Speaker 2: more famous, had become less famous, they sell teeth, whitener.
Speaker 2: I don't know, you know either job changes. I really
Speaker 2: value and appreciate people who can come onto the show
Speaker 2: and remain true to themselves and be just who they are.
Speaker 2: And you've done that, and I really appreciate that about you.
Speaker 1: Well, I appreciate that. Thanks for saying that.
Speaker 2: Bob has a great personality. I would never date Bob,
Speaker 2: and thankfully he's married too, But I like funny guys,
Speaker 2: and Bob's funny.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Bob. Bob is one of like Bob and Andrew
Speaker 1: Firestone are two people that when you're in a room
Speaker 1: with them, you just know it's going to be better. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: And it's not like a forced funny. It's just like
Speaker 1: a joy that they're just great, Like, yeah, they just
Speaker 1: good people, good.
Speaker 2: People, They're great and neither one of them, neither one
Speaker 2: of them has it gone to their heads. No, I
Speaker 2: mean Bob's floats a little well.
Speaker 1: No, Bob wants it to go to his head, like
Speaker 1: Bob is looking for the like reason why he can
Speaker 1: get a little bit, he wants it, it just never happens,
Speaker 1: and so he just lives in this lane of like,
Speaker 1: but I'm pretty great, right, guys. Look around the room.
Speaker 1: Everybody goes, yes, Bob.
Speaker 2: I'm the shine.
Speaker 1: Yeah he was.
Speaker 2: I mean, you're cool, but like, I'm also a really
Speaker 2: I'm really great, really great Bob is Bob is an
Speaker 2: incredible human, one of a kind.
Speaker 1: What is your ultimate fantasy date?
Speaker 2: A baseball game?
Speaker 1: What team?
Speaker 2: I'm from Atlanta, so I'm a Braves fan, but like,
Speaker 2: I'll suffer through a Dodgers game if you have to.
Speaker 2: I just like baseball. It actually is on my list.
Speaker 2: I would like to hit a stadium in every state.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's a great deal.
Speaker 2: I have quite a few.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I have friends who have kids who have done
Speaker 1: that with like their kids, they hit every stadium like once,
Speaker 1: and it's so awesome. I'm a big Cubs fan, so, oh,
Speaker 1: you're a cubby big Cubs fan. Go to many games?
Speaker 2: Look at you?
Speaker 1: I know, speaking of fantasy, would you sleep with somebody
Speaker 1: on the first date? No, would you kiss him on
Speaker 1: the first date?
Speaker 2: Yes? Okay, I'm sorry. Maybe I'm a prude. Maybe I'm
Speaker 2: a bit of a prude.
Speaker 1: Your standards are your standards.
Speaker 2: They are. So let me say two things. If I
Speaker 2: thought that the first date was going to go somewhere
Speaker 2: in that was longevity, No, I would not sleep with
Speaker 2: them on the first date. If I was just trying
Speaker 2: to get down and I found them super hot and
Speaker 2: it was a means to an end, I would I
Speaker 2: would not have done that in my twenties. But like, listen,
Speaker 2: we know I've had sex at least twice, yeah, nine
Speaker 2: and eleven.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. But like, so there's so you're not saying.
Speaker 2: No, I am in a place in my life where
Speaker 2: I would like a relationship to turn into something really great. Therefore,
Speaker 2: I would not sleep on the first date. I would
Speaker 2: not sleep with someone on the first date.
Speaker 1: That makes sense. Okay, can you be in love with
Speaker 1: two people at once?
Speaker 2: I don't think I personally can.
Speaker 1: Okay, So we when we're doing this, like it has
Speaker 1: to be like singular focus, Like we're sending you on dates.
Speaker 1: It's not like, I mean, you did the Bachelorette. Though.
Speaker 2: I had a really hard time with the Bachelorette. Okay,
Speaker 2: I don't know if it was easy for you. I
Speaker 2: had a really hard time deciphering feelings between several people. Now,
Speaker 2: given the scenario, you've done it. I didn't have deep
Speaker 2: feelings for five or six people. I say this all
Speaker 2: the time and have probably said it to you before.
Speaker 2: It is like walking into a bar, looking around and
Speaker 2: seeing the thirty men that are there, I could probably
Speaker 2: pick out two that I would like to speak to. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's how the Bachelorette was for me.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: I saw twenty five great looking guys come out of
Speaker 2: the limo, some more than others, and I picked out
Speaker 2: literally two people that I knew were going to be
Speaker 2: my final two in the end, and they were My
Speaker 2: final four. Was the final four from day one till
Speaker 2: the end.
Speaker 1: It was the same guy, though, Like, did you want
Speaker 1: to prove that you knew?
Speaker 2: No, I just knew. Jesse. I knew I wanted to
Speaker 2: go snowboarding. I thought it sounded fun. He was fun.
Speaker 2: He was fun. Graham Bunn was smoking hot. He was
Speaker 2: it for me like he was it, Like I was sold.
Speaker 2: On day one. All I wanted to do was see
Speaker 2: him naked. Yeah, it's terrible, it's terrible. Jason Mesnick, we
Speaker 2: had really great chemistry. He's a very nice guy. I
Speaker 2: love to dance. He loved to dance. I just I
Speaker 2: just thought he was great.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And then there was Jeremy Anderson, who was the smoking
Speaker 2: hot lawyer, but he was just too pretty for me.
Speaker 2: I remember sitting in a hot tub and he was
Speaker 2: more concerned with flexing his abs for the camera than
Speaker 2: he was with me. And I was like, this is
Speaker 2: never gonna work. Yeah, this is never gonna work.
Speaker 1: You had some good guys, though, I did.
Speaker 2: I had some really great guys.
Speaker 1: Who'd you choose Baltimore? Who was it?
Speaker 2: Jesse?
Speaker 1: Jesse?
Speaker 2: I chose Jesse. That's who I chose.
Speaker 1: It was. It happened, Yeah, Mesnick, want someone, you lose
Speaker 1: some another? One of my favorite Bachelor of all time, Mesnick.
Speaker 1: He's just an absolute just gem of a human.
Speaker 2: Do you know who I love?
Speaker 1: Moore?
Speaker 2: Who Mollie?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Well, I mean she's really the shining star.
Speaker 1: Yeah. They're just two good people. Yeah, there are another
Speaker 1: two good people that when they get in the room
Speaker 1: with you, you're like, I just like you both. And
Speaker 1: it hasn't gone to their heads. No, it hasn't ever.
Speaker 2: Nope, they're great.
Speaker 1: They're great. As we sit here today, we're gonna ready
Speaker 1: kick this thing off. What is your goal from famously available,
Speaker 1: I'd like to find someone really great. That is genuinely
Speaker 1: my goal. It's genuinely my goal. I really like to
Speaker 1: do this. I think I told you I could talk
Speaker 1: to a wall. This is a lot of fun for me.
Speaker 2: But I really, I really would And I think I've
Speaker 2: said this to you before I did the Bachelorette because
Speaker 2: I think outside of the box when it comes to dating.
Speaker 2: Please don't take me to dinner and drinks. We could
Speaker 2: do that anytime. Like, let's just do something. I want
Speaker 2: to go to pickle ball. I'm going to find me
Speaker 2: a pickleball court in LA and I'm just gonna like
Speaker 2: sit on the sidelines and just like wait for someone
Speaker 2: to ask me out.
Speaker 1: But somebody could take you to the Dodgers game.
Speaker 2: I would love that. I would love that I took
Speaker 2: a guy to a Dodger's game one time. Yeah, we
Speaker 2: didn't go out again.
Speaker 1: Would you kiss after a hot dog?
Speaker 2: I really like hammers and hot dogs? But like on
Speaker 2: Memorial Day? Yeah, I don't know. It depends on if
Speaker 2: they had a beer or something to wash it down.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, a rough game.
Speaker 2: There is a difference though, in the smell of a
Speaker 2: hot dog and just like a straight up palatosis, like
Speaker 2: I'm would take a hot dog smell over her, like
Speaker 2: horrible breath.
Speaker 1: Yeah, floss brush your teeth. This is gonna be a blast.
Speaker 1: I cannot wait to get this thing kicked off with you.
Speaker 1: The stories. I just you're excited for your future, so
Speaker 1: am I. I am excited for the future because I
Speaker 1: love good stories, and I think you're somebody who, just
Speaker 1: like by God's gift to this world, creates a good
Speaker 1: story all the time. And they're gonna be funny, they're
Speaker 1: gonna be sweet, they're gonna be romantic, and I cannot
Speaker 1: wait to be a part of it. It's great to
Speaker 1: chat with you again.
Speaker 2: Thanks