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Speaker 1: iHeart podcasts, bring you the ultimate Summer of Love Tree.

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Speaker 1: This is famously available. It's been here with an episode

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Speaker 1: of our new favorite show, and it is absolutely incredible,

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Speaker 1: famously available. The best job in the world is the

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Speaker 1: job I have right now where I get to chat

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Speaker 1: with incredible single women. Today, we have one of my favorites,

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Speaker 1: former Bachelorette Dianna Stagliano favorites.

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Speaker 2: Am I living up to that?

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Speaker 1: Ben? Oh? Every time? Yeah, this has been like a blast.

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Speaker 2: I'm really glad you got a full dose of me

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Speaker 2: over the last forty eight hours. Oh, it'll be changed forever.

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Speaker 1: I will never be the same. No, it's going to

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Speaker 1: be a better version of myself. As soon as I

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Speaker 1: walked into the Verbo Summer lake House and Lake Tahoe

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Speaker 1: and I saw you there, you have like this ability

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Speaker 1: to gather a group and entertain like you like people

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Speaker 1: kind of gravitate to be around you. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if you ever notice that in your life, but like

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Speaker 1: you bring a crowd and it's pretty incredible to witness.

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Speaker 2: That's really kind. Thank you. I don't notice that about myself.

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Speaker 1: I don't start watching You're very very rarely alone in

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Speaker 1: social gatherings because I think people just like to be

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Speaker 1: around you.

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Speaker 2: I think I'm an I'm an extrovert at heart, like

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Speaker 2: I like, through and through, I am an extrovert. I

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Speaker 2: also just thank you for saying that I'm very flattered.

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Speaker 2: I don't know how much they're paying you for this, Ben,

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Speaker 2: I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't know either at this point, So yeah, I.

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Speaker 2: Thank you for saying that. I think I just tried

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Speaker 2: to lead with like just being true to myself, you

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Speaker 2: know what I mean. I tend to think I'm pretty

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Speaker 2: genuine and I don't want anyone to read between the lines.

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Speaker 2: I like to be myself, but also be the good

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Speaker 2: version myself. Every day I'm waking up like I want

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Speaker 2: to be a better person. I want to be a

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Speaker 2: better mother, I want to be a better woman. I'd

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Speaker 2: like to be a better partner someday to someone, But

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Speaker 2: I just want to be good. Like that's it at

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Speaker 2: the end of the day. I just want to be

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Speaker 2: a good person. And I cherish genuine friendships and relationships.

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Speaker 2: I really value that. I don't do surface level well,

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Speaker 2: so the people that I do spend my time with,

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Speaker 2: I don't know, like, I genuinely want to get to

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Speaker 2: know you. I want to get to know that wall.

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Speaker 2: I can sit here for the next hour and genuinely

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Speaker 2: know that window behind you, like I just don't do

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Speaker 2: surface level very well. I cherish that you know.

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Speaker 1: What and I see that a prayer of my heart

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Speaker 1: this year to my wife was I told her personally,

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Speaker 1: I'm thirty six years old. In the last ten years

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Speaker 1: of my life, I've had very few people ask me

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Speaker 1: questions to actually get to know me. And my wife

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Speaker 1: sees it. She's like, I get that, I've seen you

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Speaker 1: around social gets, I've seen you around friends, like nobody

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Speaker 1: really like spends time to try to understand, like what

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Speaker 1: makes Ben tick. And I said, it's a priyer in

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Speaker 1: my heart to get that this year, you do a

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Speaker 1: great job at it, which I think is one of

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Speaker 1: the many reasons why this is going to be a

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Speaker 1: lot of fun for me to sit in a seat

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Speaker 1: of being able to walk alongside of you, but also

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Speaker 1: just witness like you putting yourself out there to the world,

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Speaker 1: having hilarious stories from dates, having really great stories from dates,

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Speaker 1: and men getting to sit with you and for you to,

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Speaker 1: no matter what, take the time to get to know them.

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Speaker 1: I think it's going to do great things for them

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Speaker 1: and for you and for me. And it's a journey

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Speaker 1: that I can't wait for the listener to follow on.

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Speaker 1: I did mention we're at the Verbo Summerhouse in Lake

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Speaker 1: Taha right now. Verbos last Minute deals are live on

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Speaker 1: of checking. It's really simple to find these deals. Last

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Speaker 1: travelers never have to second guess the total cost or

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Speaker 1: worry about hidden fees. Verbo displays all mandatory fees in

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Speaker 1: the upfront price. And as I said, we're here at

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Speaker 1: the Verbo Summerhouse in Lake Tahoe right now. It is beautiful.

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Speaker 1: It is incredible, And going back to what we were just

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Speaker 1: talking about, we are surrounded by some really special people.

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Speaker 1: It's one of my favorite parts about getting together in

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Speaker 1: a group setting with people that I don't know personally,

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Speaker 1: usually coming into them and just getting to know people better.

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Speaker 1: It's been funny over the years of doing things like this.

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Speaker 1: I don't always like see eye to eye with everybody,

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Speaker 1: but seeing everybody's different person and kind of understanding how

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Speaker 1: they tick has been just like fascinating and fun and

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Speaker 1: allowed me to feel still so connected to the people

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Speaker 1: of the past and then the people that have just

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Speaker 1: you know, walked off the show.

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Speaker 2: Recently, I was saying this to a friend of mine

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Speaker 2: this morning, is like you can see where some of

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Speaker 2: the people coming in the lights are still on, you

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Speaker 2: know what I mean, And there must be I can't

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Speaker 2: imagine anything more fun than putting a bunch of washed

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Speaker 2: up reality stars in one house. And who gets more attention.

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Speaker 2: My story is more important, I'm more famous, I make

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Speaker 2: more money. My story is way more cool. I think

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Speaker 2: it is also really incredible to see it when you

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Speaker 2: walk into a room, right, this is a very fun

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Speaker 2: situation all of us here and here everybody share their stories,

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Speaker 2: their experience, and it is different but also the same

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Speaker 2: on so many levels. But what I appreciate about you

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Speaker 2: and I think that I am the same, is I

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Speaker 2: didn't have this expectation when I came off the show

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Speaker 2: that I was going to be this big star, you

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Speaker 2: know what I mean. And I shared with you last

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Speaker 2: night how much money I actually made. Like I genuinely

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Speaker 2: went on the show for the right reasons. Yeah, I'm

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Speaker 2: also a little stupid.

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Speaker 1: But I fall in that same category of not a

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Speaker 1: lot of money and not right reasons and very stupid

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Speaker 1: and saying yes to something that was making two hundred

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Speaker 1: and fifty million dollars.

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Speaker 2: But think about it, there are a few things in

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Speaker 2: my life that have changed the trajectory of my life.

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Speaker 2: And I have a long story of resilience. I just do.

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Speaker 2: I just have to overcome some really hard things in

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Speaker 2: my life. But going on the Bachelor and the becoming

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Speaker 2: the Bachelorette changed the trajectory of my life. That was

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Speaker 2: one of the first. The second was getting married and

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Speaker 2: then divorced. It's not how you see your life, but

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Speaker 2: I think that when you look back on those moments,

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Speaker 2: there are places where I personally and I want to

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Speaker 2: surround myself with people of the same. There is growth

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Speaker 2: to be found to be had in those moments, right,

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Speaker 2: And you were saying the conversation thing you can't teach

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Speaker 2: that to people what your wife told you. I think

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Speaker 2: that many times when I walk away, I think I

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Speaker 2: just had dinner with someone and they never asked me

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Speaker 2: one question about myself. They didn't. And I don't know

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Speaker 2: if people just don't learn that, or if it's us

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Speaker 2: as humans we have this egotistical piece in us that

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Speaker 2: we just can't help. You just can't help it, right,

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Speaker 2: it's human nature, but that they just can't see past themselves.

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Speaker 2: Do you understand what I'm saying?

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Speaker 1: One hundred percent, one hundred percent see that. And that's

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Speaker 1: why I mean I said, I think when it comes

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Speaker 1: to this experience, you are I don't know if you

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Speaker 1: see yourself in this. I see you right now as

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Speaker 1: a great dater, meaning you're going to go on some

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Speaker 1: fantastic dates because you are going to invest into the

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Speaker 1: other side. And I hope that they reciprocate and invest

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Speaker 1: into you.

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Speaker 2: But that'll be a hard past for me. Say we

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Speaker 2: go on this really great day, and not that I

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Speaker 2: haven't been on really great dates before in my entire life,

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Speaker 2: but I have a hard time walking away and thinking, Oh,

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Speaker 2: that person didn't choose to get to know me at all. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: And again I can talk to a wall I have

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Speaker 2: no problem with that. I can sit through a two

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Speaker 2: hour long date and no, I'm not going to have

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Speaker 2: a second date, but still genuinely get to know someone

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Speaker 2: and hear about their life or their experience. I can

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Speaker 2: absolutely do that. I can find appreciation in that. But

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Speaker 2: I will not choose to invest in someone or go

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Speaker 2: on a second date for when it's not reciprocated. Like

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Speaker 2: reciprocation is so important to me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and a few years in the marriage now one

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Speaker 1: of the most incredible pieces of being married is the

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Speaker 1: fact that I have somebody in my life who wants

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Speaker 1: to get to know me, like her cry of her

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Speaker 1: heart is to get to know me, and I don't

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Speaker 1: always allow it because I'm not used to it. I

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Speaker 1: spent an hour and a half with Producer Easton last night,

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Speaker 1: and he asked me questions about myself that nobody's ever

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Speaker 1: asked me. It was amazing, It's therapeutic. I loved it.

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Speaker 1: I went to bed and say, my head against the pillows. Goodness,

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Speaker 1: you talked about yourself a lot last night. But it's

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Speaker 1: just because I'm uncomfortable with it. And it's the same

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Speaker 1: thing happens with my wife. It's one of the coolest

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Speaker 1: parts about marriage is you have a teammate that says,

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Speaker 1: I want to know you inside and out, your fears,

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Speaker 1: your insecurities, your joys, your successes, and I want to

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Speaker 1: do that for the rest of my life because those

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Speaker 1: are going to change.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to tell you at the end of the night.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if you do a gratitude list or not,

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Speaker 2: but I don't always write it down, but I have

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Speaker 2: some things that I just run through my head, you

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Speaker 2: know what I mean, quickly as I'm laying my head

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Speaker 2: down on the pillow. And that's something to be really

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Speaker 2: grateful for because I believe that relationships. I don't care

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Speaker 2: if you get married or two men, two women, a

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Speaker 2: man and a wife, I don't, you know, partnership, that's

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Speaker 2: how it should be. That's really beautiful to have a partner,

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Speaker 2: a spouse, someone who genuinely wants to know you and

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Speaker 2: love you and support you. Like that's really beautiful. And

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Speaker 2: imagine how many people don't have that. Like at the

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Speaker 2: end of the day, Ben, I would be laying my

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Speaker 2: sweet little head down and going, thank you God, thank

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Speaker 2: you that she wants to deeply know me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's uh, thank you God.

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Speaker 2: That Easton wants to deeply know you.

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Speaker 1: I know there's some there's like some really special moments,

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Speaker 1: and it's it's been incredible. But it's also been the

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Speaker 1: prayer of the year for me, as somebody would ask

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Speaker 1: me a question about myself, which gets me into asking

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Speaker 1: you a bunch of questions about yourself.

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Speaker 2: I'm so good at this. Yeah, super shy.

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Speaker 1: These are some wild questions. Let's start all right, your age.

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Speaker 1: I am forty three, forty three years old. Describe your

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Speaker 1: physical appearance. If somebody's listening and they're like, I don't

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Speaker 1: really know what Deanna looks like, how would you describe yourself?

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Speaker 2: I'm five foot four, which is average?

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Speaker 1: Is it?

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Speaker 2: It is? I think it is. I think for a woman,

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Speaker 2: five foot four is average. Okay, now listen, I'm not

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Speaker 2: always right. A lot of times I am ben.

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Speaker 1: But I might question the five foot four thing. We

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Speaker 1: need to give get a measurement out here.

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Speaker 2: Did you see me against all the women in pickleball?

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Speaker 2: I was the tallest of the group and I'm never

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Speaker 2: the tallest of the group. Yeah, but it's good because

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Speaker 2: I like to be shorter, like a really tall man.

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Speaker 1: You're a great partner, fierce.

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Speaker 2: I'm an excellent pickleball player.

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Speaker 1: I think you're an athlete. That's one way I describe yourself. Athlete.

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Speaker 2: True, yeah, true, I will not argue with you.

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Speaker 1: Amazing gun.

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Speaker 2: You can really she does have a potty mouth as well.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you can get into it. Can you as

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Speaker 1: you describe your physical appearance, can you just if you're

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Speaker 1: hitting a pickleball. We played in a pickleball tournament out

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Speaker 1: here in Lake Tahoe. If you're hitting a ball, can

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Speaker 1: you just give us an example of what your grunt.

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Speaker 2: I won't do it in here. This is embarrassing, and

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Speaker 2: I'm so thankful. As the day went on yesterday, I

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Speaker 2: did have this mental moment where I was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: thank God no one is filming this, Like, thank you

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Speaker 2: Lord for allowing me to be my favorite, my free

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Speaker 2: self right now. I'm poor Ben Right. We have had

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Speaker 2: a luxury of like knowing of each other over the years,

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Speaker 2: but this is the most time we've actually spent together. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: how great, am I.

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Speaker 1: You're a thank you? Yeah, thank you? Brown eyes, brown eyes.

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Speaker 2: I have nice big eyes.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, shoes eyes.

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Speaker 2: When I was little, I was a baby. If you

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Speaker 2: start talking about my toes. I'm getting up, I'm walking out. Uh,

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Speaker 2: my dad called me Et. I was born in eighty one,

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Speaker 2: which is the year ET came out. But I was

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Speaker 2: this little, tiny baby. And you have a baby, and

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Speaker 2: you know how tiny they are. But I had these

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Speaker 2: really big eyes, like really really big eyes.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I had an excellent smile.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: In high school, I was voted best smile.

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Speaker 1: I see it, and you let that smile shine bright.

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Speaker 2: If I'm not smiling, something is wrong and you should

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Speaker 2: ask me. I am genuinely a happy human being.

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Speaker 1: You talked about your time on the show and the

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Speaker 1: good things that came from it. We talked about how

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Speaker 1: pivotal it was in our growth as humans. But outside

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Speaker 1: of those friendships, tell us about the relationships that came

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Speaker 1: from the show, Like, what are some of the standout

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Speaker 1: things that have happened to you personally from this experience

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Speaker 1: on the Bachelor and Bachelorette that have made you the

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Speaker 1: person you are today.

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Speaker 2: I don't think you could put a weight on that,

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Speaker 2: you know what I mean. I cherish the women from

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Speaker 2: the show, I really do. I tend to think that

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Speaker 2: I'm everyone's biggest cheerleader all the bachelorettes. We have like

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Speaker 2: one group text and I'm the first person if they're like, Hey,

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Speaker 2: I've got a book, will you promote it? Absolutely? Let

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Speaker 2: me cheer you on. You have something, you have a song,

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Speaker 2: you have a podcast, you need a guest, let me

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Speaker 2: let me do that for you.

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Speaker 1: It just sounds like you're talking about Kaylyn Brislo right now.

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Speaker 2: I love Kayln Bristow, all of the women, all the women, Andy, Desirae, Trista. Please,

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Speaker 2: I'm your biggest cheerleader. I would love to do anything

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Speaker 2: to support to support these women. I love them. I

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Speaker 2: think you just naturally gravitate to certain people over others,

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Speaker 2: Like that's just who I am. But I love every

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Speaker 2: one of them. And you know, the last few years

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Speaker 2: have not just been difficult for me, several women have

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Speaker 2: gone through breakups and divorce, and I made a point

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Speaker 2: to reach out to those women because I know how

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Speaker 2: isolating it felt for me in that time. And I

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Speaker 2: just thought, if it's just a hey, I'm thinking about you,

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Speaker 2: you are loved, you are more. If there's anything I

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Speaker 2: can do, let me know. I just want to genuinely

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Speaker 2: lift people up, and I just feel like that's a

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Speaker 2: good place to be in life. Trista I adore from

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Speaker 2: the second I was on the show until now, Like

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Speaker 2: she's just great. She's intentional, and I love that when

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Speaker 2: it comes to friendships, relationships, whatever you want to call them,

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Speaker 2: intentionality is important to me. And there have been many

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Speaker 2: times over the last few months that Trista has either

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Speaker 2: called me or texted me just to check on me.

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Speaker 2: And I needed that. I needed that in a time

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Speaker 2: in my life where I felt so isolated and I

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Speaker 2: felt so very alone. And then I've had the pleasure

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Speaker 2: of doing some really awesome things since the show. I

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Speaker 2: don't know if you know this, but I've been to

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Speaker 2: Iraq twice, in Afghanistan twice.

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Speaker 1: No, yeah, I did with the show.

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Speaker 2: No, so after I was the bachelorette and after I

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Speaker 2: broke up with the guy that I chose, which we'll

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Speaker 2: put that one to bed. Let's say I don't can't

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Speaker 2: say it out.

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Speaker 1: Loud, Oh okay, I can't. Baltimore, Valdimore.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I got to do four good will tours to

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Speaker 2: visit the troops when the Iraqi War was going on.

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Speaker 2: And like I come from a family of military people,

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Speaker 2: like my dad was in the Navy. Both of my

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Speaker 2: grandfathers were in World War Two. Like, I just have

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Speaker 2: a like a serious respect for anyone who supports our

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Speaker 2: country in that way. Like I literally walk free because

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Speaker 2: there are people who are willing to sacrifice for this right.

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Speaker 2: I went to Iraq twice and to afghanist Stand twice

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Speaker 2: as a good will tour to visit the troops during

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Speaker 2: the war, and it was hands down the coolest things

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Speaker 2: I've ever done in my life. Coolest thing I ever done.

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Speaker 2: I've shot a fifty cow. I'm like, really cool.

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Speaker 1: That's sweet.

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Speaker 2: I'm like really cool.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you're you're cool. I mean, any guy listening right

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Speaker 1: now is going all right, I can see myself outside

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Speaker 1: of the marriage. What's the most serious relationship that you've had.

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Speaker 2: I actually dated a guy all throughout high school into

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Speaker 2: my twenties for five years before I ever went on

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Speaker 2: the Bachelor or the Bachelorette. I was in a five

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Speaker 2: year relationship and he was like my first love. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: he was my first love, and I thought I was

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Speaker 2: going to marry this guy. I thought we were going

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Speaker 2: to be high school sweethearts and live happily ever after.

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Speaker 2: And that was that like young love that you know,

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Speaker 2: you get the butterflies. Yeah, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 2: like that almost like sick love to where it's almost

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Speaker 2: like an obsession, you know. And his family was really

337
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Speaker 2: good to me in a time when I needed it.

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Speaker 2: My mom died when I was twelve, and I moved

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Speaker 2: to Georgia and didn't know anyone, and I had a

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Speaker 2: really terrible stepmother and my just at home life was

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Speaker 2: really awful. And he and his family were wonderful to

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Speaker 2: me in a time when I really needed it. And

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Speaker 2: I spent five wonder four years with him, you know,

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Speaker 2: the cheating aside and some of the other stuff, but

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Speaker 2: it was really great. It was young love. It was

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Speaker 2: really great. But that would be, yeah, outside of my

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Speaker 2: ex husband, that would be my longest relationship.

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Speaker 1: And maybe the most influential.

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Speaker 2: I would say that one was for sure. He was

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Speaker 2: the first guy. And because I was still dealing with

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Speaker 2: grief and loss from my mother, Like that's a great

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Speaker 2: loss to lose a mother, that you have a daughter,

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Speaker 2: You have a daughter. That is one of the most

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Speaker 2: important relationships that a child can have as a mother.

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Speaker 2: And I am grateful for twelve years I had a

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Speaker 2: really incredible mother. And not that I dated a lot

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Speaker 2: when I was younger. It was never very important to me.

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Speaker 2: But he was one of the very few people in

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Speaker 2: my life. And we've all know I've dated a lot.

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Speaker 2: I did it on television. So he genuinely wanted to

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Speaker 2: know me, and he genuinely wanted to know my family.

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Speaker 2: My mother. He wasn't scared to ask about her. And

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Speaker 2: I think there's something with like death and divorce that's

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Speaker 2: a form of death to me, where people are scared

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Speaker 2: to ask.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 2: They don't want to make you sad. They don't want

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Speaker 2: you to have to talk about really difficult things, breakups.

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Speaker 2: They don't want you to have to talk about those things.

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Speaker 2: For me, it was like, don't you care enough to ask?

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Speaker 2: This woman made me who I am. This woman made

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Speaker 2: me feel I was a chubby child. I really liked McDonald's. Really,

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Speaker 2: my mother made me feel beautiful. I'm really grateful I

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00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:42,879
Speaker 2: never grew up with like body image issues because my

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Speaker 2: mother made me feel beautiful. She never made me look

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Speaker 2: around a room and see that there were different sizes

377
00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:51,879
Speaker 2: or different colors or different shapes. We were taught to

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00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:55,520
Speaker 2: love like that's how it was. And so for me,

379
00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:59,679
Speaker 2: I was so proud and so happy to discuss this

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Speaker 2: woman who made me who I am. I am strong

381
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:04,199
Speaker 2: because of her, I am resilient because of her. I

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00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:07,720
Speaker 2: know my worth because of her. And so for me,

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00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:10,920
Speaker 2: I love talking about her. And he was one of

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Speaker 2: the very few people in my life in like partnership wise,

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Speaker 2: that was ever brave enough to talk about her, to

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Speaker 2: ask about her, to ask about my mother, who she was,

387
00:19:18,119 --> 00:19:20,760
Speaker 2: who she is, how she impacted me in my life.

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Speaker 2: You know, because people are scared. They don't want you

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Speaker 2: to be sad, they don't want you to have to grieve.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I think, I mean, I also think

391
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:33,600
Speaker 1: there's like a some investment that goes into dating before

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00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:37,320
Speaker 1: you feel comfortable asking those questions. But you do have

393
00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:40,520
Speaker 1: a great story to tell, and a crazy story to tell,

394
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Speaker 1: and one that has a lot of twists and turns,

395
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Speaker 1: and a lot of it in the last few years

396
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,920
Speaker 1: has become very public. And I'm sure you've learned a

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Speaker 1: lot about what now as you sit here, what a

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00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:55,919
Speaker 1: partner could look like for you. And so if you

399
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Speaker 1: were to kind of describe some like three significant characters

400
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:03,560
Speaker 1: oristics of now what you're looking for in a partner

401
00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:08,000
Speaker 1: a companion of dating, you know, a day even what

402
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:08,600
Speaker 1: would those be.

403
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:11,879
Speaker 2: I actually have a really hard time with this question.

404
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:16,720
Speaker 2: I don't know that I know exactly what I'm looking

405
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:19,240
Speaker 2: for and what would stand out. But I just in

406
00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:24,040
Speaker 2: my heart feel at peace that like something great is

407
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:27,560
Speaker 2: coming for me, and I feel really secure about that,

408
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:31,920
Speaker 2: and I feel really okay with just like sitting in

409
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Speaker 2: a place and waiting for it.

410
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:35,240
Speaker 1: Is there an excitement?

411
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:37,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm so excited. I am. I am in a

412
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,560
Speaker 2: very transformational place in my life and in your right,

413
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,680
Speaker 2: it has been a really difficult time in my life.

414
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:47,439
Speaker 2: I have experienced things in the last few months that

415
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,520
Speaker 2: I don't ever want to go through ever again. That like,

416
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:52,320
Speaker 2: if that's like the low point of my life and

417
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:54,439
Speaker 2: that's where I had to go to go up, then

418
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:57,040
Speaker 2: let that be that. I don't ever want to do

419
00:20:57,119 --> 00:21:01,919
Speaker 2: that again. It's just not a good look, Ben. But

420
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:05,080
Speaker 2: I do just feel like there is something great and

421
00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:07,600
Speaker 2: I don't know what it is. There is a great

422
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:11,760
Speaker 2: job out there for me. There's a great man, and

423
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:13,159
Speaker 2: I don't know that I can tell you what that

424
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:15,560
Speaker 2: looks like. I'm hoping that when it happens, I'm like

425
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,160
Speaker 2: blown away by it and I'm like, ah, yeah, this

426
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,359
Speaker 2: is it, this is it, This is for me. But

427
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:22,399
Speaker 2: I do feel like in my gut and in my

428
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:25,960
Speaker 2: heart of hearts that like there's something, there's something great

429
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:29,040
Speaker 2: coming for me, and I think it's coming soon, and

430
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:32,880
Speaker 2: I just feel really excited about that. I know emotionally

431
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,919
Speaker 2: how I want to feel in my next relationship, in

432
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:39,000
Speaker 2: my next partnership, and I like, really really want to

433
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:43,159
Speaker 2: feel very safe in a relationship. And I say that

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00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:46,919
Speaker 2: for me in a partnership with a man. But I

435
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:49,760
Speaker 2: think that's really important in all aspects of relationships in

436
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:52,119
Speaker 2: your life. I think it's really important in friendship. I

437
00:21:52,119 --> 00:21:54,400
Speaker 2: think it's very important in family. I think it's very

438
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:57,159
Speaker 2: important between a mother and their children. Right, I have

439
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,520
Speaker 2: two children. I want them to feel safe coming to me.

440
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,280
Speaker 2: That is like top on my list is I want

441
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:05,600
Speaker 2: to feel safe because I think if I'm looking back

442
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:07,920
Speaker 2: at times in my life, I don't have a lot

443
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:10,560
Speaker 2: of moments been where I felt really safe in relationships.

444
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,080
Speaker 2: I have a deep, deep fear of abandonment.

445
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:19,280
Speaker 1: How are you like handling that you've.

446
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:20,920
Speaker 2: Thousands of dollars for therapy? That was going to ask

447
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:23,720
Speaker 2: it's funny, but it's not funny.

448
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:27,480
Speaker 1: I've done that. Yeah, I mean because you can communicate

449
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:29,199
Speaker 1: it and you can say it, which is obviously a

450
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:34,040
Speaker 1: big step, but those things kind of hanging over you.

451
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:35,680
Speaker 1: I mean it sounds like to me right now and

452
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:38,960
Speaker 1: getting to talk to you a few times here and

453
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,840
Speaker 1: a lot of aspects of your life, it's kind of

454
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:46,240
Speaker 1: a reset and a blank slate like and I think

455
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:49,040
Speaker 1: that's actually like for me listening to you, I get

456
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,720
Speaker 1: excited about that because a lot of times in life,

457
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,400
Speaker 1: as we get older and the more things get built up,

458
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:57,720
Speaker 1: it's hard to reset. It takes a lot of things,

459
00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:01,520
Speaker 1: either being forced to reset or some really hard intentional

460
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:05,760
Speaker 1: choices to reset you. I think, if if it's fair,

461
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:07,800
Speaker 1: you kind of were forced into a reset in a

462
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:08,359
Speaker 1: lot of ways.

463
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:09,160
Speaker 2: It's a cleansing.

464
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:09,880
Speaker 1: It's cleansing.

465
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:13,720
Speaker 2: It's a cleansing. I don't when relationships come to an end.

466
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,160
Speaker 2: I am not a person who goes back. I am

467
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 2: not one of those women that gives someone ten chances

468
00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:21,719
Speaker 2: to come back. Now, I will tell you that I

469
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:26,000
Speaker 2: clung desperately to my marriage, but that was different. I

470
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:30,120
Speaker 2: really valued my marriage. I valued my vows that I took.

471
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,600
Speaker 2: I am a Christian like to me, that was super important.

472
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:35,680
Speaker 2: I clung to my marriage on hands and knees. Sometimes

473
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 2: I begged, please don't do this, Please don't leave me.

474
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:41,399
Speaker 2: I'll never do it again. I will never do it again.

475
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:41,919
Speaker 1: Why not?

476
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:45,840
Speaker 2: Because I shouldn't have to. I shouldn't have to beg

477
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:49,520
Speaker 2: someone to love me, choose me. I shouldn't have to.

478
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:54,119
Speaker 2: That's not real love. I think I clung to a

479
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:57,800
Speaker 2: person and to a marriage that was never really mine.

480
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,159
Speaker 2: I was never going to be number one, and frankly,

481
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:01,879
Speaker 2: I would like to be.

482
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 1: That's our third characteristic before you're looking for in a

483
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:07,439
Speaker 1: significant other. Yeah, you want to be number one? I

484
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:11,040
Speaker 1: mean I think it's it's not a crazy ask. That

485
00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:13,680
Speaker 1: is it is a commitment my wife and I made

486
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:15,359
Speaker 1: to each other. As many kids as we have, we

487
00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:16,800
Speaker 1: will always be each other's number one.

488
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:20,160
Speaker 2: Don't confuse that I'm not looking for a pedestal. No,

489
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:22,720
Speaker 2: I'm not a princess. I don't need to be treated

490
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:24,480
Speaker 2: like a queen. I just want to be chosen.

491
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:26,760
Speaker 1: You just want to be chosen. I think it's very fair.

492
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:31,760
Speaker 1: You know, this is your scenario, is what I do.

493
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:34,119
Speaker 1: And when I say this, it is exciting for me

494
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:38,280
Speaker 1: because of this kind of like blank slate because of

495
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:42,600
Speaker 1: your excitement towards whatever is happening in your future. Because

496
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,760
Speaker 1: you look at your future and there's a smile on

497
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:47,399
Speaker 1: your face about it, like something good is coming and

498
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:49,320
Speaker 1: you feel it and you know it and you believe it.

499
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:54,199
Speaker 1: That's exciting for me just to even be able to

500
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:54,760
Speaker 1: witness it.

501
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:57,680
Speaker 2: But you have to send me on a date first, Ben.

502
00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:05,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're going to get there. I uh. I have

503
00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:10,120
Speaker 1: some rapid fire questions about dating for you, and I'm

504
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:14,520
Speaker 1: going to choose with you to ask even the most

505
00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:18,639
Speaker 1: intimate ones. You have all abilities to say. I'm not

506
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:23,560
Speaker 1: answering that, but I'd love for you to try. Are

507
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:25,600
Speaker 1: you willing to be the primary breadwinner?

508
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:27,320
Speaker 2: No?

509
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:32,080
Speaker 1: Uh? Do you? What do? If you could look at

510
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:35,520
Speaker 1: your life, you have a partner in it, You're not

511
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:39,159
Speaker 1: the primary breadwinner. What does your days look like?

512
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:42,439
Speaker 2: It's such a loaded question.

513
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:44,199
Speaker 1: Oh it's a good question. I think it was a

514
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:45,040
Speaker 1: fantastic question.

515
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:46,720
Speaker 2: It's a great question, but it's loaded.

516
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:48,280
Speaker 1: Yeah.

517
00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:51,800
Speaker 2: I see. I don't see like a day to day

518
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:53,639
Speaker 2: in great detail what I want to share with you,

519
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:58,680
Speaker 2: But I see like equal. I see I see joy,

520
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:03,240
Speaker 2: I see peace, I see fulfillment. I see a place

521
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:07,359
Speaker 2: where I belong and where I want to belong. And yeah,

522
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:11,719
Speaker 2: I see safety like I see that. I see that

523
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:13,320
Speaker 2: in myself and in my future partnership.

524
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:15,399
Speaker 1: I do such a big word for you. You've used it

525
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:18,560
Speaker 1: a few times. Safety. Can you elaborate on what that

526
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:19,520
Speaker 1: actually means?

527
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 2: I want to be safe, to be truly who I am.

528
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:27,879
Speaker 2: I'm not dismissing the fact of like you spend time

529
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:29,840
Speaker 2: you are married. You know this. I was married for

530
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:32,000
Speaker 2: a very long time. You can't help it. We're all human.

531
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,520
Speaker 2: Certain things start to get on your nerves. It just happens.

532
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:40,280
Speaker 2: But in a place to be safely yourself good and bad, right,

533
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:42,960
Speaker 2: we all have good days, we all have bad days. Ben,

534
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:45,000
Speaker 2: I love myself, but I'm not telling you I'm easy.

535
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:48,840
Speaker 2: I know that is not the case. I need someone

536
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:50,760
Speaker 2: who can take me and hold me, do you know

537
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:54,320
Speaker 2: what I mean? Almost like a baby, like when I'm

538
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:57,200
Speaker 2: talking about this cleansing. I have just put a fifteen

539
00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:00,800
Speaker 2: year relationship to bed. I have grieved that every wave

540
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,720
Speaker 2: of that. I've grieved that. I've been angry, I've and sad.

541
00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:09,480
Speaker 2: I've been happy, I've been excited. I've been sorely depressed

542
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:13,399
Speaker 2: about it. I've grieved every wave of that. I just

543
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:15,879
Speaker 2: think that there is room for like when you do that,

544
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 2: when there is this cleansing, you become new. Right and

545
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 2: right now, I need to be held. I need to

546
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:24,560
Speaker 2: be coddled. And in order to feel safe, you need

547
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:26,159
Speaker 2: someone who is willing to put in the time and

548
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:28,639
Speaker 2: effort because I can be reactive and I'm trying to

549
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:32,359
Speaker 2: learn how not to be that. And I think in

550
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:35,720
Speaker 2: some of your deepest, safest relationships, you can be your

551
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:39,399
Speaker 2: worst self. You should be safe to be able to

552
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,000
Speaker 2: do so, but also accepted in those moments.

553
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:55,360
Speaker 1: I hear that, I understand that you need like a

554
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:56,080
Speaker 1: big hug.

555
00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:58,479
Speaker 2: I'm a good hugger too.

556
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:02,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, I need a big hug because I think you're great.

557
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:06,320
Speaker 1: Thank you. But I hear what you're saying, and it's

558
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:09,240
Speaker 1: just like, at my worst, am I still going to

559
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:12,359
Speaker 1: be loved? I think? Is what like I'm hearing? Yeah,

560
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:16,760
Speaker 1: Like at when I don't have it all together? Is

561
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:19,359
Speaker 1: that going to make somebody run? And the cool part

562
00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:22,080
Speaker 1: is and I think what you're asking for is no,

563
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:23,439
Speaker 1: they're just run closer to you.

564
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,160
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, don't run further away.

565
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:30,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is an interesting question. I think and I

566
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:34,040
Speaker 1: want to hear kind of. I mean, I'm trying to

567
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:37,880
Speaker 1: be sensitive to obviously you're fifteen years of marriage and

568
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 1: to move on past that because you have and you're

569
00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 1: excited about what's in front of you. But this question,

570
00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:48,840
Speaker 1: I think really will help me understand your situation better

571
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,800
Speaker 1: and the listeners better. Would you date someone that your

572
00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:55,240
Speaker 1: family doesn't like? Like? How much input are you going

573
00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 1: to allow them to have? And when I say family,

574
00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:00,040
Speaker 1: I even mean like close friends, because I know you

575
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:01,080
Speaker 1: get older sometimes.

576
00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:04,120
Speaker 2: No, I think those are red flags, Ben, I think

577
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 2: those are red flags. And everyone goes into relationships with

578
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:10,600
Speaker 2: what is it, rose colored glasses? You just do. You

579
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:13,200
Speaker 2: don't always see the bad things right, And so we

580
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:15,440
Speaker 2: are going to depend on the people around us who

581
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:18,360
Speaker 2: know us the best. I have friends who have literally

582
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:20,400
Speaker 2: put on boots and truck through the mud with me

583
00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:22,719
Speaker 2: over the last few years. Those people know me through

584
00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:24,760
Speaker 2: and through and they love me. And I feel very

585
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:27,960
Speaker 2: safe with those people and those friendships. In those times

586
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:31,360
Speaker 2: where I'm newly with someone and all I see is

587
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:36,560
Speaker 2: their greatness, I'm going to trust those people to say, hey, Deanna,

588
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,480
Speaker 2: make sure you're seeing these or that's a red flag.

589
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:41,760
Speaker 2: Because I don't want to miss those again. I don't

590
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:43,480
Speaker 2: want to wake up fifteen years from nound and be like.

591
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:46,400
Speaker 1: Oops, do you give them space to speak that into you?

592
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:49,440
Speaker 2: Yeah? Oh yeah, Yeah. I have a couple of friends

593
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:55,200
Speaker 2: in LA that I value their wise counsel, advice, the prayers,

594
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:57,840
Speaker 2: every bit of it. Like I cling to their words.

595
00:29:58,000 --> 00:29:59,880
Speaker 2: They know me sometimes better than I know myself.

596
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:04,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's my number one piece of advice for twenties.

597
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:06,240
Speaker 1: I was just at a conference last week and spoke

598
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 1: to a bunch of twenty year olds twenty to twenty eight,

599
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:10,160
Speaker 1: and I said, my number one piece of advice at

600
00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:13,240
Speaker 1: this point in my life is find one, two, three, four.

601
00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:16,240
Speaker 1: If you have ten awesome. But like a few friends

602
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:20,239
Speaker 1: that you give this space to speak into you on

603
00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:24,200
Speaker 1: your successes and the things that are concerning them, and

604
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:27,040
Speaker 1: listen to them. Not everybody. Don't listen to the masses,

605
00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 1: but listen to the few that know you and love you.

606
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:32,800
Speaker 2: And those are the people that can do that. Those

607
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:34,560
Speaker 2: are the people that can do that in a very loving,

608
00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:38,080
Speaker 2: healthy way. When it is presented to you and done

609
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 2: in a very loving and healthy, healthy way, hopefully you

610
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:42,959
Speaker 2: can be receptive to that.

611
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:46,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I think yeah. I think that's the starting point.

612
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,400
Speaker 1: Is I'm willing to listen, and then I want to listen,

613
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:52,680
Speaker 1: and I'm allowing you to speak into me, so I

614
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:55,960
Speaker 1: will listen. You have to be receptive, absolutely. You don't

615
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:58,520
Speaker 1: want to open that door up if it's just going

616
00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:04,480
Speaker 1: to cause controversy and confrontation. You want to open that

617
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:07,200
Speaker 1: door up to listen. And it sounds like you are

618
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:09,200
Speaker 1: willing and able and you have the people to do that,

619
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 1: but they're also going to play a huge voice in

620
00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:14,080
Speaker 1: this next chapter for you.

621
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:16,560
Speaker 2: Well, do you know what I'll add? My children have

622
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:20,560
Speaker 2: to like someone like I have two kids. That's not

623
00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:23,640
Speaker 2: anything that I'm hiding like that, I don't know. I

624
00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:27,040
Speaker 2: actually was chatting with Kelly yesterday on a separate podcast

625
00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:30,200
Speaker 2: and asking her advice. Her children are older than mine,

626
00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:33,560
Speaker 2: So when do you introduce someone to your kids. I

627
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:36,040
Speaker 2: have not met anyone that I think is good enough

628
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:38,320
Speaker 2: for my children. And I don't mean that as an

629
00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 2: insult to someone else. I mean that is like, my

630
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:43,000
Speaker 2: children are my world, They're my pride. I do not

631
00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:46,360
Speaker 2: want a revolving door around my children, a revolving door

632
00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:49,480
Speaker 2: of men. I don't want that for them. It would

633
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:52,160
Speaker 2: have to be someone really great that I think is

634
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:56,120
Speaker 2: worthy of being in my children's life because I value

635
00:31:56,160 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 2: them that much. It would also be concerning to me

636
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 2: because I have the greatest kids in the entire world.

637
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:07,000
Speaker 2: If they came to me and said, hey, Joe Shmo

638
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:09,760
Speaker 2: is really terrible, I don't like him, that's a red

639
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:11,680
Speaker 2: flag to me. It's a red flag.

640
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:14,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, But there's not like a timetable. It's not like, hey,

641
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,000
Speaker 1: six months, it's for you. It's more of like a

642
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 1: we'll feel it out, well, I'll know.

643
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:22,000
Speaker 2: I have this like in my head, I don't want

644
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:23,920
Speaker 2: to introduce anyone to the kids before a year. I

645
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:25,600
Speaker 2: just like have that in my head because I think

646
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:28,440
Speaker 2: the same thing in relationships. I don't think you fully

647
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:30,120
Speaker 2: get to know someone. There is a there's a place

648
00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:32,520
Speaker 2: of where it's just like you know lust for quite

649
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:34,720
Speaker 2: some time. That's not real love. You don't you don't

650
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:37,760
Speaker 2: really truly love someone. I don't feel like until like

651
00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:40,000
Speaker 2: seven or eight months, you just don't fully know someone

652
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:43,200
Speaker 2: yet you haven't done enough real life. So I can't imagine,

653
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:46,719
Speaker 2: like before a year, putting someone in my kid's life.

654
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:49,960
Speaker 2: But then again, like I have faith. If someone comes

655
00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:51,520
Speaker 2: along and I'm like, this is it like that? I

656
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:52,959
Speaker 2: just feel it in my heart of hearts, like this

657
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:55,400
Speaker 2: is in my gut, then maybe I'll feel differently. But

658
00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:58,280
Speaker 2: no one has. No one has made me feel differently yet.

659
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:01,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's shame that. Let's let's bring somebody in here

660
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 1: that's going to rock your world in all the best ways.

661
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:08,720
Speaker 1: If at this point in your life we've talked previously

662
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:11,920
Speaker 1: about kind of what you're interested in and keeping things,

663
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 1: it sounds like to me you want to be serious,

664
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:16,160
Speaker 1: but you also want to keep things casual. You do

665
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:18,040
Speaker 1: have your kids, and there's days with your kids that

666
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:20,600
Speaker 1: you are dedicating and then you can date, you know,

667
00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:24,560
Speaker 1: when the kids aren't around, or you know, strategically, if

668
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:28,080
Speaker 1: you went on a date and somebody said, this is awesome,

669
00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:30,520
Speaker 1: I want to go on another date with you. I

670
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:32,800
Speaker 1: want to get to know you better. But I'm going

671
00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:36,080
Speaker 1: to be honest, I'm also dating three other people right now.

672
00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:36,960
Speaker 1: Is that okay with you?

673
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:41,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right, It's totally okay. Can I date three

674
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:44,720
Speaker 2: other people at the same time? Yeah? Yeah. I am

675
00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 2: not a serial dater. I'm more of a monogamous person.

676
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:50,239
Speaker 2: I have a really hard time concentrating on more than

677
00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:53,280
Speaker 2: one person at a time like that. So so I

678
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 2: don't know that I would do it, but I think

679
00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:58,640
Speaker 2: that is absolutely appropriate for someone to be dating multiple

680
00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 2: people at a time till they figure out what's important

681
00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:03,000
Speaker 2: and like, listen, I think I'm pretty great. If I'm

682
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:04,160
Speaker 2: not in for them, please move on.

683
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:06,560
Speaker 1: But it'd be so much cooler if somebody said down

684
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:08,560
Speaker 1: on one day and they're like, hey, I was dating

685
00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:09,719
Speaker 1: these other people, but I don't want to.

686
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:11,960
Speaker 2: Bet me away. You're it.

687
00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:15,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, God, I got to call them tomorrow because I'm done.

688
00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:17,640
Speaker 2: I'm cutting off all the other sisters. You're it.

689
00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:21,000
Speaker 1: That'd be awesome, not that I would even be considered, uh,

690
00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:22,480
Speaker 1: but yeah, I'm going to take my name out of

691
00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 1: the pool here to keep things less awkward. The we

692
00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:29,040
Speaker 1: do that, we're going to kind of switch into more

693
00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:37,840
Speaker 1: of the physical elements of dating, uh, sex, looks uh

694
00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:39,360
Speaker 1: and also kind of what you're into.

695
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:40,640
Speaker 2: You're just making it weird.

696
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:43,480
Speaker 1: I'm making it very weird right now. It's not my fault.

697
00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:46,000
Speaker 1: Of all the bachelors since the beginning, who is the

698
00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:47,240
Speaker 1: most handsome in your opinion?

699
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,360
Speaker 2: My bachelor Brad was pretty good looking.

700
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:51,200
Speaker 1: He is a handsome.

701
00:34:51,239 --> 00:34:55,000
Speaker 2: He's a handsome stud muffin. Like he's really hot.

702
00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:57,319
Speaker 1: Like he's kind of only gotten hotter too.

703
00:34:57,440 --> 00:34:59,360
Speaker 2: He is he is. I tend to think that I

704
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:01,839
Speaker 2: have had the hottest Bachelor of all time. I really do.

705
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:05,120
Speaker 1: No, I mean, I just interviewed him and I was like, goodness, gracious, buddy.

706
00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 2: Did you really Yeah, he's alive.

707
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's great.

708
00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:10,680
Speaker 2: Well that's so great.

709
00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:12,240
Speaker 1: Got big muscles, he's.

710
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:15,400
Speaker 2: Very big, beefy man. Yeah, I'm actually not into the beef.

711
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:19,840
Speaker 2: I don't mind some some armmage. Yeah, but I'm just

712
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:22,680
Speaker 2: not into the beef. Like I get my protein. But

713
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:25,560
Speaker 2: I'm not like counting Graham's all day.

714
00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:26,720
Speaker 1: He'd keep you safe.

715
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:29,279
Speaker 2: He would keep me safe, for sure. I think he

716
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:30,400
Speaker 2: keeps someone safe.

717
00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:30,799
Speaker 1: He does.

718
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:33,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's also very attractive.

719
00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:37,120
Speaker 1: I think, Yeah, it makes sense. It makes absolutely who

720
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:39,600
Speaker 1: had the greatest personality of all the Bachelor's.

721
00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:42,479
Speaker 2: Bob, listen you aside. I think you're really great.

722
00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:44,480
Speaker 1: I think you're really I can't even be talked about

723
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:46,920
Speaker 1: in this Remember, I'm out, like you can't even consent.

724
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:49,480
Speaker 2: I'm so glad. But let me say I've told someone today.

725
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 2: I was very pleased that I very few people come

726
00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 2: onto this show and leave still being true to themselves.

727
00:35:57,360 --> 00:35:59,759
Speaker 2: It just happens that some people change, right, they become

728
00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:02,120
Speaker 2: more famous, had become less famous, they sell teeth, whitener.

729
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:05,640
Speaker 2: I don't know, you know either job changes. I really

730
00:36:05,719 --> 00:36:07,960
Speaker 2: value and appreciate people who can come onto the show

731
00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:10,439
Speaker 2: and remain true to themselves and be just who they are.

732
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:12,799
Speaker 2: And you've done that, and I really appreciate that about you.

733
00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:14,800
Speaker 1: Well, I appreciate that. Thanks for saying that.

734
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:17,240
Speaker 2: Bob has a great personality. I would never date Bob,

735
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:20,400
Speaker 2: and thankfully he's married too, But I like funny guys,

736
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:21,280
Speaker 2: and Bob's funny.

737
00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:24,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, Bob. Bob is one of like Bob and Andrew

738
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:28,239
Speaker 1: Firestone are two people that when you're in a room

739
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:31,239
Speaker 1: with them, you just know it's going to be better. Absolutely,

740
00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:33,600
Speaker 1: And it's not like a forced funny. It's just like

741
00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:36,000
Speaker 1: a joy that they're just great, Like, yeah, they just

742
00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:37,480
Speaker 1: good people, good.

743
00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:40,640
Speaker 2: People, They're great and neither one of them, neither one

744
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:42,840
Speaker 2: of them has it gone to their heads. No, I

745
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:45,000
Speaker 2: mean Bob's floats a little well.

746
00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:46,960
Speaker 1: No, Bob wants it to go to his head, like

747
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:49,920
Speaker 1: Bob is looking for the like reason why he can

748
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:53,280
Speaker 1: get a little bit, he wants it, it just never happens,

749
00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:54,920
Speaker 1: and so he just lives in this lane of like,

750
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:58,160
Speaker 1: but I'm pretty great, right, guys. Look around the room.

751
00:36:58,200 --> 00:36:59,640
Speaker 1: Everybody goes, yes, Bob.

752
00:36:59,440 --> 00:36:59,959
Speaker 2: I'm the shine.

753
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:01,360
Speaker 1: Yeah he was.

754
00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:03,439
Speaker 2: I mean, you're cool, but like, I'm also a really

755
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:06,880
Speaker 2: I'm really great, really great Bob is Bob is an

756
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:09,000
Speaker 2: incredible human, one of a kind.

757
00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:11,000
Speaker 1: What is your ultimate fantasy date?

758
00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:12,680
Speaker 2: A baseball game?

759
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:14,960
Speaker 1: What team?

760
00:37:15,320 --> 00:37:18,200
Speaker 2: I'm from Atlanta, so I'm a Braves fan, but like,

761
00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:20,600
Speaker 2: I'll suffer through a Dodgers game if you have to.

762
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:23,359
Speaker 2: I just like baseball. It actually is on my list.

763
00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:25,439
Speaker 2: I would like to hit a stadium in every state.

764
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:26,200
Speaker 1: Oh, it's a great deal.

765
00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:26,879
Speaker 2: I have quite a few.

766
00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:30,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, I have friends who have kids who have done

767
00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:33,919
Speaker 1: that with like their kids, they hit every stadium like once,

768
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:38,439
Speaker 1: and it's so awesome. I'm a big Cubs fan, so, oh,

769
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:41,160
Speaker 1: you're a cubby big Cubs fan. Go to many games?

770
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:41,680
Speaker 2: Look at you?

771
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:47,080
Speaker 1: I know, speaking of fantasy, would you sleep with somebody

772
00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:49,840
Speaker 1: on the first date? No, would you kiss him on

773
00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:50,359
Speaker 1: the first date?

774
00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 2: Yes? Okay, I'm sorry. Maybe I'm a prude. Maybe I'm

775
00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:55,960
Speaker 2: a bit of a prude.

776
00:37:57,200 --> 00:37:58,480
Speaker 1: Your standards are your standards.

777
00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:00,360
Speaker 2: They are. So let me say two things. If I

778
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:03,200
Speaker 2: thought that the first date was going to go somewhere

779
00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:05,600
Speaker 2: in that was longevity, No, I would not sleep with

780
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:07,480
Speaker 2: them on the first date. If I was just trying

781
00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:08,800
Speaker 2: to get down and I found them super hot and

782
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:11,960
Speaker 2: it was a means to an end, I would I

783
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:14,400
Speaker 2: would not have done that in my twenties. But like, listen,

784
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:16,879
Speaker 2: we know I've had sex at least twice, yeah, nine

785
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:17,440
Speaker 2: and eleven.

786
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:21,800
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. But like, so there's so you're not saying.

787
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:24,719
Speaker 2: No, I am in a place in my life where

788
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:27,120
Speaker 2: I would like a relationship to turn into something really great. Therefore,

789
00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:28,640
Speaker 2: I would not sleep on the first date. I would

790
00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:29,680
Speaker 2: not sleep with someone on the first date.

791
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:32,160
Speaker 1: That makes sense. Okay, can you be in love with

792
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:32,959
Speaker 1: two people at once?

793
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:34,759
Speaker 2: I don't think I personally can.

794
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:38,600
Speaker 1: Okay, So we when we're doing this, like it has

795
00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:42,160
Speaker 1: to be like singular focus, Like we're sending you on dates.

796
00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:45,919
Speaker 1: It's not like, I mean, you did the Bachelorette. Though.

797
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 2: I had a really hard time with the Bachelorette. Okay,

798
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:49,680
Speaker 2: I don't know if it was easy for you. I

799
00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:54,240
Speaker 2: had a really hard time deciphering feelings between several people. Now,

800
00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:58,799
Speaker 2: given the scenario, you've done it. I didn't have deep

801
00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:02,600
Speaker 2: feelings for five or six people. I say this all

802
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:04,040
Speaker 2: the time and have probably said it to you before.

803
00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:06,480
Speaker 2: It is like walking into a bar, looking around and

804
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:09,920
Speaker 2: seeing the thirty men that are there, I could probably

805
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:14,600
Speaker 2: pick out two that I would like to speak to. Yeah,

806
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:16,000
Speaker 2: that's how the Bachelorette was for me.

807
00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:16,560
Speaker 1: Okay.

808
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:18,960
Speaker 2: I saw twenty five great looking guys come out of

809
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:23,600
Speaker 2: the limo, some more than others, and I picked out

810
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:25,719
Speaker 2: literally two people that I knew were going to be

811
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:28,719
Speaker 2: my final two in the end, and they were My

812
00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:32,200
Speaker 2: final four. Was the final four from day one till

813
00:39:32,239 --> 00:39:32,520
Speaker 2: the end.

814
00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:34,839
Speaker 1: It was the same guy, though, Like, did you want

815
00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:35,680
Speaker 1: to prove that you knew?

816
00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:38,960
Speaker 2: No, I just knew. Jesse. I knew I wanted to

817
00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:41,920
Speaker 2: go snowboarding. I thought it sounded fun. He was fun.

818
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:45,239
Speaker 2: He was fun. Graham Bunn was smoking hot. He was

819
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:47,400
Speaker 2: it for me like he was it, Like I was sold.

820
00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:49,319
Speaker 2: On day one. All I wanted to do was see

821
00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:54,400
Speaker 2: him naked. Yeah, it's terrible, it's terrible. Jason Mesnick, we

822
00:39:54,480 --> 00:40:00,520
Speaker 2: had really great chemistry. He's a very nice guy. I

823
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:04,200
Speaker 2: love to dance. He loved to dance. I just I

824
00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:05,360
Speaker 2: just thought he was great.

825
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:06,160
Speaker 1: Yeah.

826
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:08,720
Speaker 2: And then there was Jeremy Anderson, who was the smoking

827
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:10,840
Speaker 2: hot lawyer, but he was just too pretty for me.

828
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:12,759
Speaker 2: I remember sitting in a hot tub and he was

829
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:15,680
Speaker 2: more concerned with flexing his abs for the camera than

830
00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:16,920
Speaker 2: he was with me. And I was like, this is

831
00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:19,200
Speaker 2: never gonna work. Yeah, this is never gonna work.

832
00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:20,680
Speaker 1: You had some good guys, though, I did.

833
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:21,720
Speaker 2: I had some really great guys.

834
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:26,080
Speaker 1: Who'd you choose Baltimore? Who was it?

835
00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:26,919
Speaker 2: Jesse?

836
00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:27,600
Speaker 1: Jesse?

837
00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:29,600
Speaker 2: I chose Jesse. That's who I chose.

838
00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:32,759
Speaker 1: It was. It happened, Yeah, Mesnick, want someone, you lose

839
00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:35,640
Speaker 1: some another? One of my favorite Bachelor of all time, Mesnick.

840
00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:38,000
Speaker 1: He's just an absolute just gem of a human.

841
00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:38,759
Speaker 2: Do you know who I love?

842
00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:38,960
Speaker 1: Moore?

843
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:40,400
Speaker 2: Who Mollie?

844
00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:40,799
Speaker 1: Yeah?

845
00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:43,040
Speaker 2: Well, I mean she's really the shining star.

846
00:40:43,239 --> 00:40:45,680
Speaker 1: Yeah. They're just two good people. Yeah, there are another

847
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:47,120
Speaker 1: two good people that when they get in the room

848
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:49,640
Speaker 1: with you, you're like, I just like you both. And

849
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:52,080
Speaker 1: it hasn't gone to their heads. No, it hasn't ever.

850
00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:53,040
Speaker 2: Nope, they're great.

851
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:56,319
Speaker 1: They're great. As we sit here today, we're gonna ready

852
00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:59,960
Speaker 1: kick this thing off. What is your goal from famously available,

853
00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:03,240
Speaker 1: I'd like to find someone really great. That is genuinely

854
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 1: my goal. It's genuinely my goal. I really like to

855
00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:07,480
Speaker 1: do this. I think I told you I could talk

856
00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:09,279
Speaker 1: to a wall. This is a lot of fun for me.

857
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:12,279
Speaker 2: But I really, I really would And I think I've

858
00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:16,280
Speaker 2: said this to you before I did the Bachelorette because

859
00:41:16,360 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 2: I think outside of the box when it comes to dating.

860
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:23,160
Speaker 2: Please don't take me to dinner and drinks. We could

861
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:26,600
Speaker 2: do that anytime. Like, let's just do something. I want

862
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:28,000
Speaker 2: to go to pickle ball. I'm going to find me

863
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:30,279
Speaker 2: a pickleball court in LA and I'm just gonna like

864
00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:32,200
Speaker 2: sit on the sidelines and just like wait for someone

865
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:32,799
Speaker 2: to ask me out.

866
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 1: But somebody could take you to the Dodgers game.

867
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:37,160
Speaker 2: I would love that. I would love that I took

868
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:39,319
Speaker 2: a guy to a Dodger's game one time. Yeah, we

869
00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:40,160
Speaker 2: didn't go out again.

870
00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 1: Would you kiss after a hot dog?

871
00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:44,160
Speaker 2: I really like hammers and hot dogs? But like on

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00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:48,080
Speaker 2: Memorial Day? Yeah, I don't know. It depends on if

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00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:50,080
Speaker 2: they had a beer or something to wash it down.

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00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:52,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, a rough game.

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00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:54,320
Speaker 2: There is a difference though, in the smell of a

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00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:56,920
Speaker 2: hot dog and just like a straight up palatosis, like

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00:41:56,920 --> 00:41:58,840
Speaker 2: I'm would take a hot dog smell over her, like

878
00:41:59,080 --> 00:41:59,960
Speaker 2: horrible breath.

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00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:03,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, floss brush your teeth. This is gonna be a blast.

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Speaker 1: I cannot wait to get this thing kicked off with you.

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00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:08,719
Speaker 1: The stories. I just you're excited for your future, so

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00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:11,560
Speaker 1: am I. I am excited for the future because I

883
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:16,719
Speaker 1: love good stories, and I think you're somebody who, just

884
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:20,279
Speaker 1: like by God's gift to this world, creates a good

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00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:23,879
Speaker 1: story all the time. And they're gonna be funny, they're

886
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:27,360
Speaker 1: gonna be sweet, they're gonna be romantic, and I cannot

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00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:29,400
Speaker 1: wait to be a part of it. It's great to

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00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:30,120
Speaker 1: chat with you again.

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00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:35,280
Speaker 2: Thanks