1 00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:06,040 Speaker 1: Hey guys, welcome to I've never said this before with 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:09,840 Speaker 1: me Tommy Didario. Now, today's guest is someone that I 3 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:13,319 Speaker 1: really couldn't love more. Candace King is an actress most 4 00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:16,279 Speaker 1: known for her starring role as Caroline Forbes in The 5 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:19,320 Speaker 1: Vampire Diaries. We all know that smash hit series, and 6 00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: she's least known for her role as the redheaded girl 7 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:26,600 Speaker 1: complaining of menstrew cramps in two thousand and sevens film Juno. 8 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:30,360 Speaker 1: You can listen to our weekly podcast, a Super Bloom Podcast, 9 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:33,560 Speaker 1: where she interviews guests on the difficult moments in life 10 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:37,720 Speaker 1: that taught them great life lessons and created space for 11 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:41,959 Speaker 1: self growth. I love that she currently resides in Nashville, Tennessee, 12 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:45,120 Speaker 1: with her two daughters and her many, many many dead 13 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:49,519 Speaker 1: house plans. She's also one of my dearest friends that 14 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:52,720 Speaker 1: from the moment I met her virtually during the pandemic, 15 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:55,120 Speaker 1: of course, I knew that she would just be a 16 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:58,120 Speaker 1: lifer for me. So let's see if today we can 17 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:02,160 Speaker 1: get Candace to say something that she's never said before. 18 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:11,679 Speaker 1: Candace King, my friend. Oh my god, I am so 19 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:15,480 Speaker 1: excited to have you on today. Obviously, I think most 20 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:17,920 Speaker 1: people know you are one of my very dear friends. 21 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:21,039 Speaker 1: I don't know if everybody or most people knows that 22 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:22,600 Speaker 1: you are also one of the most. 23 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:24,320 Speaker 2: Humble people in the world. 24 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:28,679 Speaker 1: Candace came into town for fashion week and we went 25 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:31,560 Speaker 1: out to a really fancy restaurant called Buddhacan, which is 26 00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:35,480 Speaker 1: delicious Asian inspired cuisine, and we were just talking and 27 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:37,640 Speaker 1: I looked at you and I said, my god, do 28 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:40,720 Speaker 1: people just recognize you all the time? You're such an 29 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:46,480 Speaker 1: easily recognizable person, especially playing Caroline for our eight plus seasons, 30 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:50,440 Speaker 1: and you were so like humble man. You said, hey, 31 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:53,760 Speaker 1: sometimes but not really. You would be surprised it doesn't 32 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:56,680 Speaker 1: happen as often as you think. Then meanwhile, on our 33 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:59,640 Speaker 1: way out, two tables stopped and we're like shaking, saying, 34 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:01,640 Speaker 1: oh my god, I just we have to say hi. 35 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:03,120 Speaker 2: We didn't want to bother you, but we're on our 36 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:04,680 Speaker 2: way out and we love you so much. 37 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,280 Speaker 1: Then we go to the parties that my agents are 38 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:09,880 Speaker 1: at for fashion week, and of all people, my agents 39 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:12,680 Speaker 1: freak out and they're like, wait, you didn't say you're 40 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:16,840 Speaker 1: bring Candice Caroline Forbes. Wait what we love her? And 41 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:20,280 Speaker 1: I'm like, guys, like I'm here too. Hello, it's nice 42 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:23,560 Speaker 1: to see you again. You are so humble, but who 43 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:24,520 Speaker 1: doesn't know who you are? 44 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:27,480 Speaker 3: A lot of people. No, it's I'm sticking to what 45 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 3: I told you that night, and I know that it 46 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:34,040 Speaker 3: might make some people uncomfortable, but I swear nobody recognizes me. 47 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:37,240 Speaker 3: And then one time a month, everybody in the world 48 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:39,760 Speaker 3: recognizes me. And I think it's because it's when I'm ovulating. 49 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,120 Speaker 3: And I know that sounds crazy, but I believe in 50 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:46,080 Speaker 3: the power of pheromones and the moon and whatever, the 51 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:50,040 Speaker 3: currents of the oceans, whatever it is, it's one day 52 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:53,160 Speaker 3: a month, all of a sudden, everyone's like, you're that girl, 53 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,320 Speaker 3: and I'm like, oh yeah. What made me crack up 54 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:58,320 Speaker 3: that night is when we were at the first party 55 00:02:58,919 --> 00:03:01,680 Speaker 3: and there was like this really awesome group of like 56 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,839 Speaker 3: younger people, the youths as I like to call them 57 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:07,720 Speaker 3: because I feel very old, and they were like, you're 58 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:11,400 Speaker 3: the TikTok person. You're the voice on TikTok because there 59 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:14,919 Speaker 3: was a snippet of the character I played Caroline Forbes. 60 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,280 Speaker 3: There was a line that she said that kind of 61 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,880 Speaker 3: went that trended and went viral on TikTok and so 62 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:23,600 Speaker 3: so bad at social media. I actually hired someone to 63 00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:26,960 Speaker 3: help me, like learn how to do it, and she's 64 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,120 Speaker 3: the one that made me do this little TikTok, and 65 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:32,399 Speaker 3: I was like, that's so funny to the line. It's 66 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:36,440 Speaker 3: a scene where Caroline has her humanity off and she 67 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:41,160 Speaker 3: is basically trying to burn this letter that her mom 68 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:44,720 Speaker 3: wrote to her on her deathbed. And so she's telling 69 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,400 Speaker 3: this other character, Stephan, to burn the letter and she's like, 70 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:50,240 Speaker 3: burn it. Did I say, stand there and look stupid? No, 71 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,440 Speaker 3: I said burn it. And it's like this whole thing, 72 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:57,160 Speaker 3: but it was just so funny because like, you just 73 00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 3: forget these lines, you forget the scenes. They all and 74 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:03,760 Speaker 3: in and the show premiered, going on, this will be 75 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:06,720 Speaker 3: in the fall, it'll be fourteen years ago, and it's 76 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:09,480 Speaker 3: just I forget I And we lived a very normal 77 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:12,440 Speaker 3: life in Atlanta, Georgia. So even when I was on 78 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:18,000 Speaker 3: the show at its height of popularity for the time 79 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:21,240 Speaker 3: it was, it's not like it would it changed my 80 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:24,599 Speaker 3: life beyond I could breathe and put food on the table, 81 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,120 Speaker 3: like that was the biggest thing. I was like, Wow, 82 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:29,039 Speaker 3: I can pay rent, I have job security to a 83 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:32,880 Speaker 3: certain extent, and I can buy nice shoes. But those 84 00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:36,120 Speaker 3: are the biggest changes of my life. It wasn't like 85 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:39,800 Speaker 3: suddenly anytime I did a red carpet event or a party, 86 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,320 Speaker 3: like even when I was with you at those parties. 87 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,520 Speaker 3: Those are so funny to me, like they're so uncomfortable 88 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:46,560 Speaker 3: because I never rarely did them, Like I was more 89 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:50,719 Speaker 3: of a social butterfly when my late teen pre vampire 90 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:54,000 Speaker 3: diary club days like that was was way cooler then 91 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,280 Speaker 3: than I ever was when I was working on the show. 92 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:57,040 Speaker 2: Two things. 93 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:59,440 Speaker 1: Number one, you must be ovulating every day, because I 94 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:01,680 Speaker 1: swear to go. You get recognized every day, whether you 95 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:04,320 Speaker 1: want to admit it or not. Very cute, but come on. 96 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:08,440 Speaker 1: And number two, you and I definitely bonded over our 97 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:12,880 Speaker 1: mutual fear and or hatred for doing those little photo 98 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,400 Speaker 1: op moments on the carpet and people scream in your name, 99 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 1: I break out into a sweat. 100 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:18,400 Speaker 2: I'm like, no, get me out of here. 101 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:21,800 Speaker 3: Goat. Yeah. If there was any sort of just don't know, 102 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,280 Speaker 3: I would love like I'm in awe of people that 103 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,359 Speaker 3: know just how to like stand in there and just 104 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,440 Speaker 3: feel like comfortable, Like I will always feel like Will 105 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:31,839 Speaker 3: Ferrell in Talladega Knights being like I don't know what 106 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:34,400 Speaker 3: to do with my hands. I can fake it, I'll 107 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:36,600 Speaker 3: fake it for a photo shoot, but it's just in 108 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:39,279 Speaker 3: that scenario, I still I think it's just it's just 109 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:43,360 Speaker 3: so magical and cool and what you dream of Hollywood 110 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:47,320 Speaker 3: and being like successful in the tree to be And 111 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,400 Speaker 3: there will always I will always still feel the girl 112 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:51,120 Speaker 3: who's going to sit in the lunch room and then 113 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:53,400 Speaker 3: is scared to figure out like if anyone will let 114 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 3: me sit at the table. That is just and that's 115 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:57,400 Speaker 3: what I'll work on in therapy for the rest of 116 00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:57,880 Speaker 3: my life. 117 00:05:58,200 --> 00:05:59,640 Speaker 2: I want to dive into Vampire Diary. 118 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:02,039 Speaker 1: Is I think I told you that during the pandemic, 119 00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:04,599 Speaker 1: I had never watched the show prior, and I actually 120 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:08,000 Speaker 1: had time to watch an eight season show, and my 121 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:10,040 Speaker 1: husband Geo and I just we loved it and I 122 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:14,400 Speaker 1: really understood whoa This show still has such a following 123 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:18,520 Speaker 1: and people go crazy over it. So I know You've 124 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:20,800 Speaker 1: talked a lot about the show and your experiences on it, 125 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,480 Speaker 1: So today I'm hoping to get some other insights from you. 126 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,680 Speaker 1: One being was such a big part of your life 127 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:29,279 Speaker 1: for so many years eight seasons, But I don't know 128 00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:32,240 Speaker 1: what that equates to in years. What is the one 129 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 1: thing you missed more than anything about being on that show? 130 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:40,080 Speaker 1: Aside from people, aside from cast, aside from crew, that aside, 131 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,120 Speaker 1: what do you miss the most about being on The 132 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:43,160 Speaker 1: Vampire Diaries. 133 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:45,080 Speaker 3: I mean, you nailed it, and it's not just like 134 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,760 Speaker 3: a here's the easy answer, Like it really is the 135 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,560 Speaker 3: people that you have this kind of shared language with 136 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:53,719 Speaker 3: because you are spending so many hours together in a day, 137 00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:57,240 Speaker 3: and in a matter of eight years, you go through 138 00:06:57,240 --> 00:07:01,760 Speaker 3: a lot together. I think what I really miss is 139 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:04,560 Speaker 3: I just I really love being on a set like 140 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:08,840 Speaker 3: I love to work. I had found a rhythm within that. 141 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:12,480 Speaker 3: I really loved the character that I played. I feel 142 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:17,720 Speaker 3: very grateful that I was never bored, Like the writers 143 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:21,720 Speaker 3: found We're always doing something really fun with Caroline that 144 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:24,080 Speaker 3: I just got to benefit off of. Whether it was 145 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:28,800 Speaker 3: just season one. She's like this queen bee and but 146 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:32,200 Speaker 3: also highly insecure, and I just I loved being able 147 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:35,560 Speaker 3: to play those highly insecure parts. They're like why does 148 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,600 Speaker 3: he never pick me? And I just I just felt 149 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:41,600 Speaker 3: like that I could relate to that so much from 150 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:44,679 Speaker 3: when I was younger and in high school. So that's 151 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,040 Speaker 3: what I miss I know that I'm not going to 152 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:47,960 Speaker 3: get that again. You know, you don't get that in 153 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,160 Speaker 3: a movie. It's really hard to see a show go 154 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:54,040 Speaker 3: that many years nowadays. So I'm very humbled by the 155 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,920 Speaker 3: opportunity that I had to experience that. 156 00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:01,280 Speaker 1: And with that being said, what was your favorite Caroline 157 00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:03,000 Speaker 1: Era throughout the entire show? 158 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,360 Speaker 3: I liked when she had her humanity off. It was 159 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:09,600 Speaker 3: just so fun. It was just there was like a 160 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:14,360 Speaker 3: scene where I think it's when Ian was appropriately directing, 161 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:17,080 Speaker 3: because there's like a big club scene and so we 162 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:20,040 Speaker 3: had we like did my hair like Britney Spears and 163 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,320 Speaker 3: the I'm a Slave for You video. It's like all 164 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:25,120 Speaker 3: twisted up and slashed like Jennifer Anison when she went 165 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:27,080 Speaker 3: to the Oscars that year when it was all twisted 166 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,800 Speaker 3: and it was just fun and it got to bring 167 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:34,000 Speaker 3: a different side of me out and that I usually 168 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:37,600 Speaker 3: keep more to myself. I guess she was a little 169 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:44,120 Speaker 3: bit more dominating and more aggressive and assertive, and so 170 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:47,440 Speaker 3: it was really fun to do that. 171 00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:49,920 Speaker 2: She was a power bitch in that mode. 172 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:50,960 Speaker 3: Yes she was. 173 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:54,240 Speaker 1: Yes, do you ever go back and rewatch the show? 174 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:56,160 Speaker 1: Is it weird for you to do that? You ever 175 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,720 Speaker 1: catch it on, like, what's your relationship with the show? 176 00:08:58,800 --> 00:08:59,040 Speaker 2: Now? 177 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,280 Speaker 3: I've never rewatched it in the first season. We all 178 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,760 Speaker 3: watched it in the first couple seasons. Every once in 179 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:06,959 Speaker 3: a while, if there was like a really big episode 180 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:10,679 Speaker 3: in which the crew have busted their butts and we 181 00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:13,480 Speaker 3: were overtime a lot, they would during lunch they would 182 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:15,760 Speaker 3: show the episode on a big screen to be like, 183 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:18,200 Speaker 3: look how it turned out over the years. If I 184 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:20,640 Speaker 3: had to recap, I would watch it. But you fall 185 00:09:20,679 --> 00:09:23,959 Speaker 3: off of it. It does become a job and you're there, 186 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,480 Speaker 3: you were there to see it all. And so I 187 00:09:26,559 --> 00:09:29,880 Speaker 3: haven't rewatched it. I'm waiting because my seven year old 188 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:34,800 Speaker 3: Florence wants to watch it. You're Bestieu, so she really 189 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:36,920 Speaker 3: wants to watch it right now, but I'm like, it's 190 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,880 Speaker 3: too soon. She's asked me a lot of questions and 191 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:45,040 Speaker 3: she's horrified, horrified by the fact that because at first 192 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:46,920 Speaker 3: I was like, mommy, had mommy, you're going to see 193 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,360 Speaker 3: her playing Caroline and Caroline kisses a lot of boys, 194 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:52,280 Speaker 3: kisses a lot of people, and she was like oh, 195 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:54,640 Speaker 3: and then she was like, I forget what she had 196 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:57,000 Speaker 3: asked me, but it was something about like clothes, like 197 00:09:57,080 --> 00:10:01,040 Speaker 3: being because she knows if I'm taking picture. She's aware 198 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:03,600 Speaker 3: of like bath time and stuff like we've talked about 199 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:07,040 Speaker 3: like body safety roles. And she was like, you wouldn't 200 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:10,600 Speaker 3: be like you've never been in your underwear on TV 201 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:12,679 Speaker 3: or something like that, and I was like, oh no, 202 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:17,000 Speaker 3: And I had to say, mommy was in her I'm 203 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:20,120 Speaker 3: in abroad underpants, and I just am like, what conversation. 204 00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:22,559 Speaker 3: But I want to be honest with her, So that's 205 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:25,040 Speaker 3: I'm waiting till she will be ready for that. It 206 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:27,880 Speaker 3: was difficult for my stepdaughters. I don't think that either 207 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:29,760 Speaker 3: of them got through it all because it's weird. The 208 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:32,760 Speaker 3: character that I played, she has a romantic relationship with 209 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:37,040 Speaker 3: almost every character on the show at one point or another. 210 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:49,200 Speaker 2: The show is very sexy. 211 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:51,960 Speaker 1: There's a lot of love, a lot of kissing, a 212 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,600 Speaker 1: lot of hooking up, a. 213 00:10:53,559 --> 00:10:56,560 Speaker 3: Lot of hooking up. Even like by episode two, it 214 00:10:56,640 --> 00:11:00,320 Speaker 3: is aggressively. I remember having to tell my parents because 215 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,920 Speaker 3: they were so excited. They're like our dog. They couldn't 216 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,800 Speaker 3: believe it. I'd never grown up acting. They're like, how 217 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:06,240 Speaker 3: the heck is all of a sudden Our daughter's on 218 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,560 Speaker 3: TV and my dad is a doctor. And he's at 219 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:11,000 Speaker 3: the hospital like turning the TV's on, trying to show 220 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:13,160 Speaker 3: his patience, and I was like no, because there was 221 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,440 Speaker 3: literally by episode two, it is in brown underwear in 222 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:19,800 Speaker 3: the bed and Ian's head pops out from under the 223 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:23,199 Speaker 3: There's just stuff going on that no parent or person 224 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:28,439 Speaker 3: who's about to get a surgery should probably beat. They're searching. 225 00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:31,280 Speaker 1: It's definitely spicy. It maybe would make their heart go 226 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:33,880 Speaker 1: a little faster than needed. But if you pulled it off, 227 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:37,040 Speaker 1: was the our favorite love story or a partner for 228 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:40,199 Speaker 1: Caroline that you thought she was the best with. 229 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:46,240 Speaker 3: Fans of the series always love Klaus and Caroline, and 230 00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:49,640 Speaker 3: which I've said many times over that I've just never 231 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:52,199 Speaker 3: understood it, and I think maybe it was just I 232 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:54,200 Speaker 3: don't know, because I think it started off as just 233 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:58,360 Speaker 3: a joke. There was a scene in which Klaus, who's 234 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:03,240 Speaker 3: this big bad vampire like of the historical Vampire family, 235 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:05,080 Speaker 3: and he comes in and he saves Caroline, and was 236 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:07,000 Speaker 3: just supposed to be like a passing scene, like he 237 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:09,080 Speaker 3: is supposed to be dealing with other people, and it's 238 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,720 Speaker 3: just like I was the damselone distress of that episode. 239 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:14,560 Speaker 3: And so the episode airs and all of a sudden 240 00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:19,520 Speaker 3: like clarline. The names put together is trending like fire 241 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,600 Speaker 3: on Twitter. This is when like it was important for 242 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:25,480 Speaker 3: things to trend on Twitter. And it was just going nuts, 243 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:29,120 Speaker 3: and the writers are like, that's weird, that's not that 244 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:31,680 Speaker 3: wasn't supposed to. It wasn't even a romantic scene, and 245 00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:34,640 Speaker 3: everyone's just like, we love them, we ship. So then 246 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:36,360 Speaker 3: they kept just being like, Okay, we'll throw them a 247 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:38,880 Speaker 3: bone and just writing another scene and then it would 248 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:40,760 Speaker 3: go again, and then doing it again, and then it 249 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:44,240 Speaker 3: would go again, and it just never ever stopped. So 250 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,280 Speaker 3: it turned into this kind of like cat and mouse 251 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:48,679 Speaker 3: between the writers and the fans of the show. As 252 00:12:48,679 --> 00:12:51,640 Speaker 3: a TV watcher, I love along. I love a slow 253 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:55,520 Speaker 3: long burn, like I will be Pacey and Joey all 254 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:59,040 Speaker 3: day long, like even Gray's Anatomy those early seasons, like 255 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,480 Speaker 3: dreamy like I love a long burn. So I was 256 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:03,960 Speaker 3: always and we were told early on that Caroline and 257 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:08,400 Speaker 3: Stephen would could probably be end game within that realm. 258 00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:11,360 Speaker 3: So just as a TV watcher, to be a part 259 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:13,600 Speaker 3: of a storyline that had that like long burn, I 260 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,640 Speaker 3: was like, oh my gosh, this is so crazy. I 261 00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:17,680 Speaker 3: get to be a part of one of these slow 262 00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:22,720 Speaker 3: burning romances. So I just as a TV lover, loved that. 263 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:24,719 Speaker 1: How hard do you think it would be to get 264 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:28,840 Speaker 1: the gang back together again for some sort of special 265 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:32,920 Speaker 1: holiday episode or mini series. 266 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,079 Speaker 2: Do you think that would ever happen? 267 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:38,079 Speaker 3: I don't know. I think it's still really soon. I 268 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:42,680 Speaker 3: think everyone's really busy. I think that there's always room 269 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:46,840 Speaker 3: for that down the road. It was very significant, it 270 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:49,080 Speaker 3: meant I think it also meant something different for each 271 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:52,240 Speaker 3: person that was a part of it, And those were 272 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:55,480 Speaker 3: formative years for everyone, no matter what, no matter how 273 00:13:55,559 --> 00:13:57,679 Speaker 3: you look at it, And I think all of that 274 00:13:57,679 --> 00:14:00,640 Speaker 3: would definitely be an element of when and how that 275 00:14:00,679 --> 00:14:02,680 Speaker 3: would happen and what it would the context of what 276 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,839 Speaker 3: this reunion would be. But we all see each other. 277 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:07,239 Speaker 3: We a lot of us do comic cons and conventions, 278 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,520 Speaker 3: and so a lot of us get to see each 279 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,720 Speaker 3: other a handful of times a year, which is fun. 280 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:13,199 Speaker 2: You should be so proud. 281 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:16,520 Speaker 1: I think when any artists I talked to is on 282 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:19,200 Speaker 1: a show for this along or part of something that 283 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:22,160 Speaker 1: is such a huge part of pop culture and leaves 284 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:25,000 Speaker 1: that lasting impression on people that it makes them feel 285 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,440 Speaker 1: like they're part of something bigger than their own lives, 286 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:28,360 Speaker 1: and they feel like they have. 287 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:29,520 Speaker 2: A community with you. Guys. 288 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:32,640 Speaker 1: I just think it's amazing that you were part of 289 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:33,320 Speaker 1: that creation. 290 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,200 Speaker 3: Crazy. This was my first pilot that I booked. It 291 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:41,520 Speaker 3: was which is an episode zero of a series. I 292 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:43,880 Speaker 3: tested for a handful of them, but it was my 293 00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:46,480 Speaker 3: first pilot season. I was the greenest of the bunch. 294 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:50,040 Speaker 3: I was told that from the higher ups. Just what 295 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,520 Speaker 3: do you mean? You were told that because it was 296 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:55,960 Speaker 3: this was a we were a vampire show. On our 297 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:59,400 Speaker 3: first when we made it to Atlanta and our first 298 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:02,640 Speaker 3: read through, we were told, welcome to the show. This 299 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:06,000 Speaker 3: is the Vampire Diaries. No one's name is in the title, 300 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:10,040 Speaker 3: and we are here to make a good television show. 301 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:13,880 Speaker 3: We will be killing people off, so let's start. Everyone 302 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:16,840 Speaker 3: was just like, oh god, okay, So you. 303 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:19,520 Speaker 1: Really didn't know your fate when you signed on to 304 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:20,120 Speaker 1: do that show. 305 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:21,240 Speaker 2: Isn't that never guaranteed? 306 00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:23,520 Speaker 3: No? I wish I would like. I never even bought 307 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:26,160 Speaker 3: anything in Atlanta, which is insane looking back. That was 308 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:30,360 Speaker 3: my one thing by season three. By season two, at 309 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:32,120 Speaker 3: the end of season two, I was looking to buy something. 310 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:34,840 Speaker 3: And my parents have since been like, we're sorry, that 311 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:37,240 Speaker 3: was probably bad advice, but they were like, don't do it. 312 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:40,240 Speaker 3: Don't this second you buy something, you're gonna be off 313 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:43,920 Speaker 3: that show because you just didn't know. And that's also 314 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:46,880 Speaker 3: is I think the exciting thing of being a viewer 315 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:50,040 Speaker 3: of a show like that, You really don't know what 316 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,080 Speaker 3: was going to happen. And we didn't have spoilers back 317 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:55,880 Speaker 3: then like you do now, where you see people have 318 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:58,480 Speaker 3: exited the show or you see them working on something 319 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:01,400 Speaker 3: else already. Then it was like week by week, you're 320 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:04,040 Speaker 3: just like, what is going to happen next? And we actually, 321 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:07,760 Speaker 3: even when social media began and Instagram did pick up, 322 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:12,200 Speaker 3: we were signing things saying that we wouldn't We would 323 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:17,120 Speaker 3: be legally like, look, I'm forgetting the exact I remember 324 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:20,680 Speaker 3: it being. There would be ramifications if you posted about 325 00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:24,920 Speaker 3: being on set or spoilers, and you had to really 326 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:29,160 Speaker 3: think before you tweeted or posted anything, which is now 327 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:31,840 Speaker 3: everyone's like, please post as much as possible. We don't care, 328 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,000 Speaker 3: go ahead and film the whole thing and post it, 329 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:37,000 Speaker 3: and that's fine. It was just a different time. 330 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:39,040 Speaker 1: And that's so interesting to me that you were worried 331 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:42,240 Speaker 1: about not making another season or your fate because you 332 00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:43,960 Speaker 1: just didn't know that was the nature of the show. 333 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:47,440 Speaker 1: But you were obviously in all eight seasons, you were 334 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:51,240 Speaker 1: one of the main characters, and you became like the girl, right, Like, 335 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,720 Speaker 1: at that point did you say I'm okay. 336 00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:57,480 Speaker 3: Well, by the time I would have one of the 337 00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:03,640 Speaker 3: actresses left the show in season six, and I knew 338 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:07,240 Speaker 3: that there were some plans for what my trajectory was 339 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:10,560 Speaker 3: going to be within the the following season. And then 340 00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:12,840 Speaker 3: I really threw them a loop when I showed up 341 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:15,360 Speaker 3: to our first cast read through and was like, I'm pregnant. 342 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:20,119 Speaker 3: Oh my god, surprise everything that you guys have just 343 00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:22,600 Speaker 3: spent the last four months writing, you're gonna have to 344 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:28,439 Speaker 3: rewrite and reconfigure. Yeah, and I knew that I was 345 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:32,160 Speaker 3: had job security. Then you can't really kill anyone off. 346 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,080 Speaker 2: That's would be a problem. 347 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,800 Speaker 3: That was probably the one time where I was like, ooh, 348 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:41,200 Speaker 3: I'm safe. I'm safe now. But yeah, it just it's funny. 349 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:44,520 Speaker 3: It just was always there was always something that's for sure. 350 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:46,840 Speaker 3: He just never knew what was gonna happen in the 351 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:47,479 Speaker 3: next season. 352 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:50,720 Speaker 1: You grew up playing this character essentially, right, there's so 353 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:54,560 Speaker 1: much in our twenties that we learn about ourselves and 354 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,679 Speaker 1: we're discovering who we are. And you were doing that 355 00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:59,479 Speaker 1: while one of the most popular shows in the world. 356 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,160 Speaker 1: What do you think is one of the biggest life 357 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:05,760 Speaker 1: lessons you learned about yourself during that time period? 358 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:13,760 Speaker 3: Ooh. I appreciated how much they would write Caroline. She'd 359 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:15,520 Speaker 3: always say that she puts her foot in her mouth, 360 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,919 Speaker 3: and she'd shame spirals, and she does all these things. 361 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:21,080 Speaker 3: And the more that and I do those same things, 362 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,760 Speaker 3: I definitely put my foot in my mouth, and I 363 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,159 Speaker 3: have a lot of my own personal shame spiraling and 364 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:29,199 Speaker 3: wanting to control everything. And also you realize when you 365 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:31,720 Speaker 3: work on a long running TV show that the writers 366 00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:35,439 Speaker 3: do understart to begin to write to you. In a sense, 367 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:39,159 Speaker 3: they're servicing the storyline and the characters that they the 368 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,399 Speaker 3: trajectories that they need to accomplish in order for it 369 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:43,480 Speaker 3: to be a good show, of course, but they're going 370 00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:45,399 Speaker 3: to write to the cadence of your voice. They're going 371 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:47,720 Speaker 3: to start picking up on the way that you say 372 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:49,280 Speaker 3: things and the way that you do things, and it's 373 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:51,440 Speaker 3: going to find its way into the script. It always does. 374 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,719 Speaker 3: And I think that the more I kept reading it 375 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,320 Speaker 3: and seeing that it's actually okay. The more that I 376 00:18:57,359 --> 00:18:59,760 Speaker 3: could accept Caroline for her faults in a lot of 377 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:02,760 Speaker 3: those ways, I started giving myself so much more grace 378 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:06,920 Speaker 3: in my faults in those ways. And it even is 379 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,520 Speaker 3: rooted in but so wild how we as people. Some 380 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:12,760 Speaker 3: people can treat their friends and family with just such 381 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:16,239 Speaker 3: support and lift them up and then turn around and 382 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,760 Speaker 3: just be their own worst enemy. And that the lesson 383 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,119 Speaker 3: of just having to be your own best friend. And 384 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,200 Speaker 3: I feel like that is something I learned a lot 385 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:28,960 Speaker 3: from playing that character, is to just the self acceptance 386 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:31,879 Speaker 3: with her being that mirror of saying, oh, that's okay, 387 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:35,200 Speaker 3: that's actually just a human quality and that's okay. Wow, 388 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:37,040 Speaker 3: it's not the worst quality in the world to have. 389 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,880 Speaker 1: It's like your character holding up a mirror to you 390 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,840 Speaker 1: as a human saying it's all good, it's okay. 391 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:44,880 Speaker 2: I love that. I love that. 392 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:46,800 Speaker 1: Do you feel like there was a struggle at all 393 00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:49,480 Speaker 1: with your mental health during those years being on the 394 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:51,840 Speaker 1: show and being in the spotlight and all of that. 395 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:57,040 Speaker 3: No, it's funny, I will say the first year. I 396 00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:01,520 Speaker 3: know this is gonna sound silly, or it could be 397 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,679 Speaker 3: I should remove the word silly. The first year of 398 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:07,960 Speaker 3: working there. I never went to college. I never experienced 399 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:11,080 Speaker 3: the freshman fifteen. I moved to Georgia. I moved to Atlanta. 400 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:14,399 Speaker 3: I'm having the best time ever. I move into this 401 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:17,720 Speaker 3: great little apartment, and I noticed that I wasn't I 402 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:20,679 Speaker 3: had clothes weren't fitting. I saw myself on screen. I 403 00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:24,239 Speaker 3: could tell that, like my body had changed, and I 404 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:27,000 Speaker 3: was like, God, am I how did this happen? Just 405 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:30,439 Speaker 3: eating like bacon and a glass with a side of 406 00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:33,960 Speaker 3: homemade peanut butter and drinking beer, Like, how did this happen? 407 00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:38,040 Speaker 3: Obviously I was just making really poor food choices and 408 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:39,840 Speaker 3: not taking care of my health because I was just 409 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:43,960 Speaker 3: like riding the high of this new experience. And I 410 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,040 Speaker 3: hear so often that like for actors or actresses that 411 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,760 Speaker 3: struggle with that. I felt really grateful that I just 412 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:53,359 Speaker 3: I went ahead and got a therapist and was like, Hey, 413 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,720 Speaker 3: I need someone just to walk my hand to make 414 00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:58,800 Speaker 3: sure that I'm not overcorrecting or undercorrecting, and just make 415 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,919 Speaker 3: sure that I'm doing this for health reasons and not 416 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:05,080 Speaker 3: to serve like an unrealistic vanity perspective that because bodies 417 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:06,760 Speaker 3: do change, it if I'm going to be on this show, 418 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,639 Speaker 3: and if we're going to go first six seven years, 419 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:12,359 Speaker 3: I can't, like all of a sudden just stop living 420 00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:16,320 Speaker 3: like I have to have a balanced lifestyle that just 421 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,200 Speaker 3: makes me healthy and not trying to project an idea 422 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,240 Speaker 3: of what I'm supposed to look like on the screen. 423 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:25,000 Speaker 3: And that is the one like really big, like mental 424 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:28,879 Speaker 3: health check that I did for myself and I and luckily, 425 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:32,080 Speaker 3: I'm so grateful I don't struggle with any sort of 426 00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:35,960 Speaker 3: like food or eating disorder or body dysmorphia. Like I'm 427 00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:39,680 Speaker 3: very aware of that that it's out of hand, it's 428 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,919 Speaker 3: out of your hands for a lot of people. But 429 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,879 Speaker 3: that is the one like mental health check that I did. 430 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,800 Speaker 3: I always saw a therapist that was always really helpful. 431 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,879 Speaker 3: We had an on set acting coach throughout the whole 432 00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:52,359 Speaker 3: period of time who would walk us through scenes that 433 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:55,919 Speaker 3: were maybe more emotional, that felt like vulnerable, and I 434 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,440 Speaker 3: leaned on her almost like a second mom and therapist 435 00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:00,640 Speaker 3: in a lot of ways. We were just in Atlanta. 436 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:05,240 Speaker 3: We had a great time. It was not like a 437 00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:10,080 Speaker 3: red carpet ego vanity thing. If anything, it was just 438 00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:12,960 Speaker 3: like be tiring, exhausting. 439 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:15,800 Speaker 2: Why did you starting therapy at what age. 440 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,399 Speaker 3: I started therapy when I was eighteen, when I was 441 00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:21,840 Speaker 3: living in LA I had other friends that were in 442 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:25,640 Speaker 3: therapy and things I needed to sort out and behavioral patterns. 443 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:27,920 Speaker 3: I was already starting to recognize that I didn't really 444 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:31,560 Speaker 3: like and so I started seeing a therapist and loved it. 445 00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:33,440 Speaker 3: I was like, oh, this is cool. And I felt 446 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:36,840 Speaker 3: very lucky at the time I could. I had. I'd 447 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:39,040 Speaker 3: been making my own money, I'd started off in music, 448 00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:43,679 Speaker 3: and I had signed some pretty financially stable deals. I 449 00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:46,600 Speaker 3: had a part time job as a personal assistant. I 450 00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:50,040 Speaker 3: was always doing something, So I felt very lucky that 451 00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:53,000 Speaker 3: I was in a position to be able to go 452 00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,920 Speaker 3: and see a therapist financially be able to afford it. 453 00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:59,040 Speaker 1: Something that I'm inspired by with you is that you talk, 454 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:03,240 Speaker 1: so you know, openly about using a therapist and going 455 00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:05,760 Speaker 1: to therapy. And I told you privately and I haven't 456 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:07,919 Speaker 1: talked about it publicly, but I went to therapy for 457 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:11,359 Speaker 1: the first time over the holidays, and it's people like 458 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:14,240 Speaker 1: you who made me feel like it was okay. And 459 00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:16,600 Speaker 1: I know it sounds ridiculous because I'm thirty six and 460 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,040 Speaker 1: you think, of course it's okay. Everybody knows it's okay, 461 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:22,919 Speaker 1: but there's still that thing that people have where you 462 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:25,680 Speaker 1: think I'm the guy everybody comes to for their problems, 463 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:27,560 Speaker 1: and I'm the one that always gives the advice, and 464 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:29,800 Speaker 1: I play the therapist in my friend groups and my 465 00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:33,080 Speaker 1: family groups, so I can't possibly need to go myself. 466 00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:35,439 Speaker 1: And that was something I had to get over to 467 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,679 Speaker 1: deal with some things I was working through. And it 468 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:39,520 Speaker 1: is people like you who shed a light on it 469 00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:42,560 Speaker 1: that makes other people feel like it's okay. So I 470 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:44,959 Speaker 1: think it's awesome you so openly talk about it. 471 00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:49,520 Speaker 3: Oh man, I'm just really happy for you that you've 472 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:51,400 Speaker 3: been able to not only take that step of found 473 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:54,640 Speaker 3: someone that you really like working with, because I think 474 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,880 Speaker 3: that's another element. There's so many roadblocks on why someone 475 00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:00,000 Speaker 3: might not go to therapy. One it is really scared. 476 00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:03,520 Speaker 3: Two it is really Sometimes I even go, this is 477 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:05,320 Speaker 3: such a waste. What am I doing? I could I 478 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,679 Speaker 3: let me total up all this money that I'm spending. 479 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:12,040 Speaker 3: This is insane because it's it feels in that moment 480 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:15,120 Speaker 3: like what I want immediate result. We are a generation 481 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,080 Speaker 3: of just wanting You can order anything you want on 482 00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:19,040 Speaker 3: Postmates and we'll be there within an hour. You can't 483 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,840 Speaker 3: do that with therapy. It does take a while. And 484 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,199 Speaker 3: what I always think is interesting is you don't have 485 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:27,200 Speaker 3: to be stuck with the first person that you meet. 486 00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:29,919 Speaker 3: Go meet a few people. No one's going to get 487 00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:32,000 Speaker 3: their feelings hurt. And if they do get their feelings 488 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,520 Speaker 3: hurt and try to convince you not to leave them, 489 00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:36,639 Speaker 3: that is not the right therapist for you. That is 490 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:39,080 Speaker 3: probably not a good therapist for anybody, and that they 491 00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:41,800 Speaker 3: need to go to therapy, even though all therapists usually 492 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:46,119 Speaker 3: have their own therapist. But also it's usually I have 493 00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:49,200 Speaker 3: found in my years of going to seek counseling and therapy, 494 00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,879 Speaker 3: it's always the session that I show up going what 495 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:55,000 Speaker 3: am I going to talk about? I feel great, everything's fine, 496 00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:58,400 Speaker 3: and then I just start rambling about some way in 497 00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:02,040 Speaker 3: the back of the brain cabinet thing and have the 498 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,760 Speaker 3: biggest breakthrough from those sessions. 499 00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:07,800 Speaker 1: And it's amazing what a good therapist can connect in 500 00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:11,200 Speaker 1: your life from past to present to make it all 501 00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:14,080 Speaker 1: make sense, which is what I find really valuable. And 502 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,800 Speaker 1: I think that we're never not going through something. Everyone 503 00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:20,040 Speaker 1: has a struggle, everyone's going through something, right, So it's 504 00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:21,360 Speaker 1: good to talk it out. 505 00:25:22,119 --> 00:25:24,400 Speaker 3: It's really good to talk it out. And I also 506 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,600 Speaker 3: had realized that sometimes a healthy place to talk it 507 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:29,520 Speaker 3: out before you talk it out with your friends is 508 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:33,840 Speaker 3: with someone who like because it's a lot depending on 509 00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:36,199 Speaker 3: what subject matter you're dealing with at the moment. It 510 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:38,440 Speaker 3: is nice to go to a safe place in which, 511 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:41,280 Speaker 3: if you decide afterwards, you're like, actually, I don't really 512 00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:43,320 Speaker 3: want to share this with my friends yet because I 513 00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:45,480 Speaker 3: want to make sure I know how I feel about it. 514 00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:48,600 Speaker 3: And now I have this person who is legally obligated 515 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:50,800 Speaker 3: not to tell anyone, and it could not be a 516 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:54,760 Speaker 3: safer place. Yeah, it's nice to sometimes check in with 517 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:58,320 Speaker 3: how you feel as opposed to people that you know 518 00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:00,119 Speaker 3: that are in your life all the time. Yeah, and 519 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:02,880 Speaker 3: that you already can anticipate what they're going to tell 520 00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:05,119 Speaker 3: you and usually talk to the people that you know 521 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:07,080 Speaker 3: will tell you what you want to hear. Or maybe 522 00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:07,720 Speaker 3: that's just me. 523 00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:21,320 Speaker 1: No, I'm with you. I get it. It's so good 524 00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,400 Speaker 1: to be good to our mind, body, and souls. And 525 00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,440 Speaker 1: I know that's something you work on and strive to do. 526 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:30,080 Speaker 1: And speaking of being good to ourselves, you very openly 527 00:26:30,119 --> 00:26:33,240 Speaker 1: have talked about a divorce you're going through, right, And 528 00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:35,439 Speaker 1: a lot of people listening today are going through their 529 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:40,280 Speaker 1: own divorces or separations, breakups, whatever it may be. And 530 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:43,480 Speaker 1: sometimes it feels so hard to put one foot in 531 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:45,920 Speaker 1: front of the other and just keep going during it all. 532 00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:50,000 Speaker 1: So how do you just keep going during something like that? 533 00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:56,520 Speaker 3: Oh? Man, I feel like as it is impossible to 534 00:26:56,640 --> 00:27:02,119 Speaker 3: say that since twenty twenty, and since March of twenty twenty, 535 00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:06,320 Speaker 3: we as a collect like it globally have not all 536 00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:10,640 Speaker 3: just gone through something very traumatic that is involved grief 537 00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:14,960 Speaker 3: or just the uprooting of our lives. So it is 538 00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:20,359 Speaker 3: very interesting to be going through something that one, yes, 539 00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:22,760 Speaker 3: I know that I'm not the first person in the 540 00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:27,160 Speaker 3: world to go through a divorce, but that everyone's been 541 00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:30,320 Speaker 3: going through something lately. It has been really interesting to 542 00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:34,520 Speaker 3: be walking through something while everyone else is also feels 543 00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:37,280 Speaker 3: very much more open and vulnerable to share in what 544 00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:41,360 Speaker 3: that they've experienced lately. So that has been really encouraging 545 00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:46,200 Speaker 3: and a beautiful thing during these crazy couple of years 546 00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:49,119 Speaker 3: that we've all been putting one foot in front of 547 00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:50,920 Speaker 3: the other. And I think that's part of it too. 548 00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:53,480 Speaker 3: We're all still no matter what you're going through we 549 00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:56,439 Speaker 3: are all still on one day or another putting just 550 00:27:56,480 --> 00:28:00,040 Speaker 3: one foot in front of the other. There's also so 551 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:05,000 Speaker 3: I don't know. You just you have to, I think, 552 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,680 Speaker 3: with anything in life unless you you don't really know, 553 00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:12,520 Speaker 3: like anyone who has lost a loved one, it's a 554 00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:15,000 Speaker 3: few haven't been through that before. You just don't know 555 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:19,560 Speaker 3: if you've not given like for me there, if you 556 00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:22,640 Speaker 3: haven't had a similar birth experience, like there's certain out 557 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:24,840 Speaker 3: things that you go through in life, or unless someone else, 558 00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:27,040 Speaker 3: unless you've also been through it, you just don't know. 559 00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:30,680 Speaker 3: So I'm very encouraged by the fact that that there's 560 00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:33,840 Speaker 3: so many wonderful people that just are willing to share 561 00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:38,280 Speaker 3: in their experiences with me, and and just watching them 562 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,360 Speaker 3: put one foot in front of the other is like 563 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:44,240 Speaker 3: such a wonderful thing. I keep joking. We're very big 564 00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:46,680 Speaker 3: into Frozen and Frozen two in this house. I have 565 00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:52,080 Speaker 3: two young daughters. And in my b session, it's funny 566 00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:53,880 Speaker 3: just putting one foot in front of the other. My 567 00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:55,480 Speaker 3: therapist the other day was like, yeah, and then sometimes 568 00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:57,239 Speaker 3: you just get to you just got to do the 569 00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:00,480 Speaker 3: next right thing, because it's easy in any spectrum of 570 00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:04,040 Speaker 3: life to get be overwhelmed. Whether it's like a new job, 571 00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:08,000 Speaker 3: or whether it's moving, or whether it's like people getting married, 572 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,600 Speaker 3: or whether it's a divorce, or whether it's having a child, 573 00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:13,040 Speaker 3: or whether it's a matter what it can all. If 574 00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:16,320 Speaker 3: you start trying to conceptualize the entire process at once, 575 00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:19,760 Speaker 3: it's going to be overwhelming. And so just doing the 576 00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,840 Speaker 3: next right thing. And I was like, have you ever 577 00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:25,920 Speaker 3: seen Frozen two, because honest thing's an entire song about that, 578 00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:29,320 Speaker 3: and that's exactly so it's really like therapy coupled with 579 00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:32,680 Speaker 3: watching Frozen two over and over again, I think, is 580 00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:35,320 Speaker 3: what the world could benefit from. 581 00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,040 Speaker 2: You just fixed the entire world. 582 00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:39,760 Speaker 3: You're welcome, guys, Oh my god. 583 00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:42,680 Speaker 2: I am blessed to have that knowledge. Thank you. 584 00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:44,760 Speaker 1: I'm going to go home and watch Frozen two and 585 00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:48,040 Speaker 1: tell Geo that if it's not on when I get home, don't. 586 00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:48,440 Speaker 2: Even show up. 587 00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:50,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, And then that's the thing. It's the new You 588 00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:52,320 Speaker 3: just keep swimming it. So you just got to do 589 00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:53,120 Speaker 3: the next right thing. 590 00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:56,840 Speaker 1: I want to ask you about the concept of success, 591 00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:00,000 Speaker 1: and what I mean by that is I look at you, 592 00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:04,720 Speaker 1: and you, to me have achieved success that people dream 593 00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:08,480 Speaker 1: of in their entire lives. Hopefully many receive it, but 594 00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:12,440 Speaker 1: many don't. And you achieve that so young and so 595 00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:15,600 Speaker 1: early in your life, do you look at yourself and say, 596 00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:20,400 Speaker 1: I am successful, and what's your relationship with like success today? 597 00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:27,640 Speaker 3: Oh man, this question five years ago would have been 598 00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:31,760 Speaker 3: a completely different I would have had a completely different answer. 599 00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:36,280 Speaker 3: Success five years ago would have been I need to 600 00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:39,080 Speaker 3: be on another show, like I need to be on 601 00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:41,960 Speaker 3: a half hour sitcom that films at CBS Radford that 602 00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:45,520 Speaker 3: goes for ten seasons and I get to pick up 603 00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:46,840 Speaker 3: my kids from school and then I get to be 604 00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:50,240 Speaker 3: there and then it just it was so based on 605 00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:55,360 Speaker 3: optics and a checklist, and if I was doing all 606 00:30:55,400 --> 00:31:00,360 Speaker 3: of those things, then I would just suddenly feel capp 607 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:07,320 Speaker 3: being complete and successful. Success now is could look different 608 00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:10,960 Speaker 3: on a daily basis. This whole concept of having it all. 609 00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:16,080 Speaker 3: I think for me, I realized having children that there's 610 00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:18,120 Speaker 3: something's got to give anyone that's trying to say, like 611 00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:19,479 Speaker 3: how do you do it? But then you have got 612 00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:20,880 Speaker 3: the kids, and then you got to build the lunch, 613 00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:22,240 Speaker 3: and then you get and then you got to work, 614 00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:24,440 Speaker 3: and then you got there's always something's got to give. 615 00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:27,840 Speaker 3: There are some days where I crush it with work 616 00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:31,160 Speaker 3: and I'm like bringing home the bacon. I'm like podcasting, 617 00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:34,719 Speaker 3: I'm auditioning, or I'm filming and I can't make it 618 00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:37,480 Speaker 3: to this recital thing, or I can't make it, or 619 00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:40,520 Speaker 3: I forgot to pack the little joke that my daughter 620 00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:42,840 Speaker 3: begged for in lunch and now she's opening her lunch 621 00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:45,640 Speaker 3: box and I disappointed her because I promised and I 622 00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:48,480 Speaker 3: broke the part. It's like there's always something. So I 623 00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:53,640 Speaker 3: think now my level of success is am I enjoying 624 00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:57,120 Speaker 3: what I'm doing with good people? Am I able to 625 00:31:57,200 --> 00:32:01,560 Speaker 3: provide for a roof food for myself and my children? 626 00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:06,520 Speaker 3: And am I like finding a bit of joy in 627 00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:10,880 Speaker 3: the day in some form of that? Like my two 628 00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:13,400 Speaker 3: year old didn't feel super great last night, but she 629 00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:16,080 Speaker 3: wanted to snuggle with me on the couch. And whereas yeah, 630 00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:18,560 Speaker 3: I needed, I had stuff I needed to do, It's okay, 631 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:20,960 Speaker 3: let's let this be the little moment of joy. And 632 00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:23,440 Speaker 3: I didn't do the dishes. They just sat stinking up 633 00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:25,800 Speaker 3: the kitchen all night. We can't do it all, but 634 00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,479 Speaker 3: I'd rather soak up that little bit of joy. Whereas 635 00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:31,240 Speaker 3: the other day my level of success was the whole 636 00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:33,600 Speaker 3: house was clean and immaculate, both kids were tucked in. 637 00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:36,200 Speaker 3: I got all my work done and then danced with 638 00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:38,200 Speaker 3: a glass of wine doing all the dishes, and I 639 00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:41,320 Speaker 3: was like, success, It just looks different every day, but 640 00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:45,000 Speaker 3: it has simplified in these in the last couple of years. 641 00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:48,680 Speaker 3: It is definitely simplified, and so I think that's the 642 00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:51,400 Speaker 3: It looks different for everyone, but that's what it looks 643 00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:52,440 Speaker 3: like for me at this point. 644 00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:56,640 Speaker 1: Sometimes success to me is windexing my glass coffee table. 645 00:32:56,840 --> 00:32:58,680 Speaker 2: Yes, anything a. 646 00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:03,000 Speaker 1: Better feeling than a clean coffee table. I don't know 647 00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:03,400 Speaker 1: about that. 648 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:06,920 Speaker 3: No, I get that, I totally get I have a 649 00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:08,040 Speaker 3: different version. 650 00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:09,160 Speaker 2: Of that, But what's your version? 651 00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:14,640 Speaker 3: Oh man? Mine is like planning something and exiting. 652 00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:17,240 Speaker 1: Yep, when you come to New York, I know I 653 00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:20,880 Speaker 1: better be pencil de pend into your itinerary. And you 654 00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:22,240 Speaker 1: were here there everywhere. 655 00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:22,680 Speaker 2: I know. 656 00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:26,720 Speaker 3: I love crushing it. And I tell you, yeah, like 657 00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:29,640 Speaker 3: I just had. I just had a weekend away at 658 00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:31,600 Speaker 3: the lake with a bunch of my girlfriends in Atlanta 659 00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:34,480 Speaker 3: and we had one mom day and a friend of 660 00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:37,200 Speaker 3: ours lent us her lake house, which was so kind, 661 00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:40,000 Speaker 3: but we basically, instead of what would pay on an Airbnb. 662 00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:43,200 Speaker 3: We applied to like things that day, so I was 663 00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:46,000 Speaker 3: in charge of like planning it. So at ten ten 664 00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:49,440 Speaker 3: thirty the mobile Spa company showed up for massages, Manny's 665 00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:52,040 Speaker 3: and petties, and then they were there till two, in 666 00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:53,920 Speaker 3: which then we had the church couter replay, and then 667 00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:55,360 Speaker 3: by three I said, we all need to get to 668 00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:56,960 Speaker 3: the hot tub because we have one hour in the 669 00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:59,320 Speaker 3: hot tub before the tarot card reader gets here. And 670 00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:01,560 Speaker 3: then while the tear card is reading our tarots, the 671 00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:04,080 Speaker 3: chefs will be coming in through the back door preparing 672 00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:06,120 Speaker 3: our meal, and as soon as the sun is set, 673 00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:08,399 Speaker 3: we will be toasting our glasses. And it all went out. 674 00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:10,560 Speaker 3: I'm a psycho. I know they're like, we're not like 675 00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:12,080 Speaker 3: scheduled for anything. I was like, no, but we all 676 00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:13,440 Speaker 3: need to get in the hot tub now or in 677 00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:14,319 Speaker 3: the next fifteen minutes. 678 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:16,680 Speaker 1: But you know what, it's a place of love and 679 00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:18,799 Speaker 1: I love that about you. You want people to have 680 00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:21,200 Speaker 1: fun and enjoy their lives, and I love that. 681 00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:22,320 Speaker 2: I love it so much. 682 00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:26,800 Speaker 1: What is something that you're actively working on for yourself? 683 00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:31,000 Speaker 3: Ooh, I think what I know what I'm actively working 684 00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:36,480 Speaker 3: on is the knowing is that if I know the 685 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:41,320 Speaker 3: answers within myself to not quite I will always question myself. 686 00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:43,160 Speaker 3: I don't think that's a bad thing. But to not 687 00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:49,160 Speaker 3: question myself based off of other people, by other people, 688 00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:51,360 Speaker 3: I don't know if that makes it, but basically just 689 00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:55,400 Speaker 3: knowing and if like I'll use an example that actually 690 00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:57,200 Speaker 3: doesn't apply to me, but I know that could apply 691 00:34:57,239 --> 00:34:59,000 Speaker 3: to a lot of other people. I don't read, I 692 00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:02,400 Speaker 3: don't go through commic and on social media very often. 693 00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:06,320 Speaker 3: I also don't I've been very lucky in my realm 694 00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:10,160 Speaker 3: of social media that I've just gotten really nice things said. 695 00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:14,120 Speaker 3: But if there was, like something said that wasn't very nice, 696 00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:17,360 Speaker 3: instead of trying to like that I knew wasn't true 697 00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:20,000 Speaker 3: or didn't apply to me or had nothing to do 698 00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:24,120 Speaker 3: with me, instead of trying to fix that or make 699 00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:28,040 Speaker 3: it better, or then let that throw me off of 700 00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:31,319 Speaker 3: my own center of knowing myself and trying to like 701 00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:34,640 Speaker 3: see myself through that other person's eyes, like maybe I 702 00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:37,520 Speaker 3: am actually this and maybe which doesn't mean again that 703 00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:39,799 Speaker 3: you don't question things you don't receive like what other 704 00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:43,480 Speaker 3: people are saying, But having that filter just be a 705 00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:46,640 Speaker 3: little bit that filtration system being a little bit stronger, 706 00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:50,000 Speaker 3: so I'm not just letting everything in and being really 707 00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:53,480 Speaker 3: sure of the things that I do know about myself. 708 00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:56,520 Speaker 3: I'm turning thirty six this year. I feel like that 709 00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,440 Speaker 3: is what I've heard from a lot of women in 710 00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:02,160 Speaker 3: my life, that all of a sudden towards your late thirties, 711 00:36:02,239 --> 00:36:05,000 Speaker 3: especially in your forties, it is just like a knowing. 712 00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:07,719 Speaker 3: And so I'm starting to feel all that, but to 713 00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:10,960 Speaker 3: really to lean in and not let it throw me 714 00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:15,120 Speaker 3: off balance of when of questioning myself from things that 715 00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:16,680 Speaker 3: don't have anything to do with me. 716 00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:20,760 Speaker 1: And does that also include not comparing yourself to other people? 717 00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:23,000 Speaker 1: Do you find yourself doing that from. 718 00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:26,440 Speaker 3: Time to tind a lot better with that, a lot 719 00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:29,640 Speaker 3: better with that because they also realized that is such 720 00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:31,960 Speaker 3: an easy thing to do, and there's just at a 721 00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:33,880 Speaker 3: certain point you have to just accept it. This is 722 00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:36,759 Speaker 3: my butt, this is what it looks like, it is 723 00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:39,680 Speaker 3: what it is. I'm never going to just like this 724 00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:43,560 Speaker 3: is my body, this is my face, this is my personality, 725 00:36:43,719 --> 00:36:46,520 Speaker 3: you know, like I can go to therapy to forever 726 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:48,000 Speaker 3: for the rest of my life and They're just going 727 00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:50,480 Speaker 3: to be characteristics of myself that are just myself and 728 00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:53,120 Speaker 3: guess what, not everyone is going to like that. And 729 00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:56,520 Speaker 3: there are other ways that people are incredible at what 730 00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:59,719 Speaker 3: they do and have the time and the energy and 731 00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:02,720 Speaker 3: the drive and the motivation to apply themselves to certain 732 00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:06,160 Speaker 3: things in their career that I maybe don't and maybe 733 00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:09,359 Speaker 3: that's okay, And like it goes back to also, what 734 00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:11,840 Speaker 3: does success look like? Maybe their version of success in 735 00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:15,160 Speaker 3: my version of success can look very different, and that 736 00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:19,760 Speaker 3: is okay. Again. Five years ago, ooh, I was drowning 737 00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:25,840 Speaker 3: in comparison. Now I am like, I'm actually like breathing, 738 00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:29,160 Speaker 3: and I actually am excited in a different way to 739 00:37:29,239 --> 00:37:33,239 Speaker 3: see people succeeding and also excited because I know when 740 00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:36,080 Speaker 3: you lift others up, it just makes you feel good 741 00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:38,800 Speaker 3: and it lifts you up and you're just elevating everyone 742 00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:41,880 Speaker 3: at that point, And that had to be That was 743 00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:44,239 Speaker 3: a reckoning. That was not just something I came up 744 00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:47,719 Speaker 3: with one day. I had to like really look at 745 00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:50,880 Speaker 3: myself and process all of that. And so I feel 746 00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:52,759 Speaker 3: like it doesn't mean I'm like healed and I'm not 747 00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:56,799 Speaker 3: gonna have bad days, but I definitely have gotten a 748 00:37:56,880 --> 00:38:01,560 Speaker 3: lot better with the comparison trap. But to like convince 749 00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:03,800 Speaker 3: someone I don't like when someone's mad at me, and 750 00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:07,080 Speaker 3: I don't like when someone might not like something about me. 751 00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:09,600 Speaker 3: I want to fix it. I want to convince them 752 00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:11,480 Speaker 3: why they don't have to be mad at me, and 753 00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:14,120 Speaker 3: just letting that go. Like sometimes we're just going to 754 00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:16,080 Speaker 3: get mad at each other. Sometimes we're going to see 755 00:38:16,239 --> 00:38:17,040 Speaker 3: things differently. 756 00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:20,719 Speaker 1: Candice, you know how much I love you. I love 757 00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:24,040 Speaker 1: your heart, I love your spirit. I think that you know, 758 00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:26,439 Speaker 1: we met when you did my Instagram live pandemic show. 759 00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:28,720 Speaker 1: And I don't think that was by accident. I believe. 760 00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:31,000 Speaker 1: I don't believe in coincidences. I think we were meant 761 00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:33,200 Speaker 1: to be in each other's lives. And what a beautiful 762 00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:36,640 Speaker 1: friendship has bloomed and blossomed between us and you and 763 00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:39,480 Speaker 1: my husband Geo. And I'm just so grateful to have 764 00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:40,160 Speaker 1: you in my life. 765 00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:45,400 Speaker 3: Same it is all reciprocated. Thank you so much, truly, 766 00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:48,840 Speaker 3: I'm so grateful that we met and it was just easy. 767 00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:52,440 Speaker 3: It's fun when life just makes sense. There's so many 768 00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:54,560 Speaker 3: days where you're just like what, why, and then when 769 00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:56,520 Speaker 3: it just makes sense, you're like, oh, Okay, I got this, 770 00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:57,839 Speaker 3: Yeah I can roll with this. 771 00:38:57,960 --> 00:39:00,080 Speaker 2: It was meant to be. Thank you for coming. 772 00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:02,719 Speaker 3: On, and I'm so excited for you. And truly, I'm 773 00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:05,040 Speaker 3: just so excited. I'm so excited for you. Thank you 774 00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:05,799 Speaker 3: for having me. 775 00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:07,839 Speaker 2: Oh, thank you, my friend. We'll talk soon. 776 00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:14,640 Speaker 1: I've Never Said This Before is hosted by me, Tommy Diderio. 777 00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:18,520 Speaker 1: This podcast is produced and edited by Mike Coscarelli, and 778 00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:23,200 Speaker 1: executive producers are Andrew Poglisi and Katrino Norvel at iHeartRadio. 779 00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:25,720 Speaker 1: I've Never Said This Before is part of the Elvis 780 00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:30,120 Speaker 1: Durant podcast Network on iHeart Podcasts. For more, rate review 781 00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:33,160 Speaker 1: and subscribe to our show and if you liked this episode, 782 00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:36,760 Speaker 1: tell your friends. Until next time, I'm Tommy Dederio.