Speaker 1: Welcome to Monster DC Sniper, a production of I Heart
Speaker 1: Radio and Tenderfoot TV. The views and opinions expressed in
Speaker 1: this podcast are solely those of the podcast author or
Speaker 1: individuals participating in the podcast, and do not represent those
Speaker 1: of I Heart Media, Tenderfoot TV, or their employees. Listener
Speaker 1: discretion is advised. Mill Dad, you let me know when
Speaker 1: we're rolling and Hi, lady, Hi, I know it won't
Speaker 1: be easy. Um, what won't be easy talking about some
Speaker 1: of this stuff? Easy? Yeah? Really, it may not be
Speaker 1: easy for you to hear it. For you? Is that
Speaker 1: because you're processed it? I'm done? What does that mean?
Speaker 1: You're done? It means I do not have any emotional
Speaker 1: charge to this story. You may have one, Other people
Speaker 1: may have one, but I don't. How long do you
Speaker 1: expect me to hold onto that kind of pain? It's
Speaker 1: been two thousand two, We're in two thousand nineteen. I
Speaker 1: still supposed to be crying, and I'm still supposed to
Speaker 1: feel some type of emotions towards him. Some people think
Speaker 1: I'm still supposed to love him and forgive him. No,
Speaker 1: I'm not supposed to do that. That's your interpretation of
Speaker 1: what I'm supposed to do, and I have my interpretation
Speaker 1: of what I will do. I get to choose that.
Speaker 1: So the idea that I would think that this might
Speaker 1: be painful as a projection, exactly, it's an assumption. You're
Speaker 1: basing your assumption on other people's or your own perspective
Speaker 1: of how you feel I should be with this story.
Speaker 1: That's not my reality, that's yours. So we're a minute
Speaker 1: in and she's already dropped the mic. She's already well,
Speaker 1: thank you for that, no problem, thank you for that.
Speaker 1: I'm Tony Harris the special episode of Monster DC Sniper.
Speaker 1: I'm proud to present our interview with Mildred Mohammed. Mildred
Speaker 1: is a domestic violence awareness advocate and the ex wife
Speaker 1: of John Mohammed. John kidnapped her children, threatened her life,
Speaker 1: and many believe the DC Sniper attacks were part of
Speaker 1: a plan to disguise her eventual murder. This interview covers
Speaker 1: topics we couldn't fit into the series. If you haven't
Speaker 1: listened to the whole season yet, it might be a
Speaker 1: good idea to finish the show first. All right, back
Speaker 1: to the interview, So could I have you a state
Speaker 1: your name and your professional speaker's title. I am Mildred Mohammed.
Speaker 1: I'm an award winning global keynote speaker. I'm a certified
Speaker 1: consultant with the Office on Victims of Crime, as certified
Speaker 1: Personal and Professional development coach. And my former husband was
Speaker 1: John Ala Mohammed, whom you all know to be the
Speaker 1: DC Sniper. I was laying on the sofa and I
Speaker 1: was having this dream about women calling me asking me
Speaker 1: for help, and they were just all around me, and
Speaker 1: I fell off the sofa and I went to my children.
Speaker 1: I said, look, I got to help other women, and
Speaker 1: the only way I can do that is to share
Speaker 1: my story and yours about your dad. And I need
Speaker 1: your permission to do that. And they say, Mom, you
Speaker 1: do what you need to do. Just tell the truth.
Speaker 1: Just tell the truth. And so that's when I went
Speaker 1: to the library. I got a book on how to
Speaker 1: become a professional speaker. Decided to have the Lowest Flower
Speaker 1: as my logo because it was a flower that came
Speaker 1: out of the darkness into the light. I looked up
Speaker 1: domestic violence conferences on Google. I found two, contacted them
Speaker 1: and I was able to land those two engagements, and
Speaker 1: I've been speaking ever since. When did you realize for
Speaker 1: yourself that you were in an abusive relationship. I was
Speaker 1: watching TV in Washington State and that was a p
Speaker 1: s A. I understand that coming out of a domestic
Speaker 1: violence relationship is not And it was a woman speaking
Speaker 1: and she told of all of the signs associated with
Speaker 1: domestic violence and as she's going through up. Okay, that's wine. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's too but well, I'll be in an abusive relationship.
Speaker 1: And I called the number seven nine nine safe. It's
Speaker 1: time for everyone to allow for their voices to be heard.
Speaker 1: And they talked to me. I'm in the room, My
Speaker 1: children are in the living room. John is at work,
Speaker 1: and they say, well, we'd like for you to come in.
Speaker 1: I say, nope, not coming in. They said, well, we
Speaker 1: really need to get you help. Nope. I just wanted
Speaker 1: to call to make sure at I'm seeing what I'm
Speaker 1: seeing and I need to come to terms with that,
Speaker 1: and then I'll call you back. I never called them back,
Speaker 1: but at that point, that's when I knew, because I
Speaker 1: just thought it was a part of a relationship, you know,
Speaker 1: that's how relationships are. I didn't grow up in an
Speaker 1: abusive home, so I didn't know that I was in
Speaker 1: an abusive relationship until I saw that commercial, and they
Speaker 1: don't even have p essays anymore. They don't not even
Speaker 1: in the month of October, which is Domestic Holenesce Awareness month,
Speaker 1: they're no PSAs on TV. So that's when I knew
Speaker 1: most people don't really know that they're in abusive relationships.
Speaker 1: Eighty percent of victims do not have physical scars to
Speaker 1: prove that they are victims, although do I choose to
Speaker 1: concentrate on the eighty percent, the verbal, the psychological, the spiritual,
Speaker 1: the stock game, and it is my mission to shift
Speaker 1: the thinking of society to understand that you do not
Speaker 1: have to have physical scars to be a victim or
Speaker 1: a survivor of domestic violence. And because this is a
Speaker 1: worldwide epidemic, the person that you're sitting next to could
Speaker 1: be a victim or a survivor. It is how you
Speaker 1: have responded to this person as to rather or not
Speaker 1: they will confide in you and ask you for help.
Speaker 1: Before I left John, he came over and said we
Speaker 1: need to talk. My brother was there, so I felt
Speaker 1: I was safe. We're going to garage, so he says,
Speaker 1: you are not going to raise my children by yourself.
Speaker 1: You have become my enemy, and as my enemy, I
Speaker 1: will kill you. He charges at me. I ran around
Speaker 1: him into the house where my brother was and he
Speaker 1: leaves and I tell my brother, I said, John's gonna
Speaker 1: kill me. He's gonna kill me. He said, girl, John,
Speaker 1: I gonna kill you. I never went to my brother
Speaker 1: again for help because he didn't believe me. And a
Speaker 1: victim does not have time to clarify to the people
Speaker 1: who she's going to for help how dangerous the situation is.
Speaker 1: He was hiding from everybody else, but I was the
Speaker 1: one that got to see it all. So when I
Speaker 1: go to people and say, you know, John is treating
Speaker 1: me is such and such a way. He's doing this
Speaker 1: to me, Well, that's not to John. I know, of
Speaker 1: course it's not. I tell victims of domestic violence be
Speaker 1: careful who you talk to, du to touch tests, touch tests.
Speaker 1: Tony Johnson is not treating me, right, I mean, he
Speaker 1: is humiliating me and making me feel that I shouldn't
Speaker 1: even be here. And depending on his response is how
Speaker 1: I will either continue to talk to him or never
Speaker 1: speak to him again, because he is gonna put my
Speaker 1: life in jeopardy. He's gonna go back and tell him, hey, man,
Speaker 1: you know Milda came in. Damn So no, that's the
Speaker 1: touch tests. When he took the children, I stopped eating.
Speaker 1: I was eating. I have a slice of bread and
Speaker 1: crushed ice. That was it, just enough to sustain me.
Speaker 1: I was signing for a package from my mom or
Speaker 1: Mother's Day and I passed out. Get to the hospital
Speaker 1: and I had to have a blood transfusion. Two people
Speaker 1: knew I was in hospital. My phone rings and it's John.
Speaker 1: He had people watching the house and he says, how
Speaker 1: you doing how? I said, I'm good. He said how's mom?
Speaker 1: I said she's fine. I say, why won't you let
Speaker 1: the children call me? He said, we don't always get
Speaker 1: what we want, do we. So there's a dialogue that
Speaker 1: goes on between the victim and the abuser, and only
Speaker 1: those two people know what that means. He had already
Speaker 1: said you have become my enemy, and as my enemy,
Speaker 1: I will kill you. So I had two choices. I
Speaker 1: could go back to him and die, or I could
Speaker 1: hang up the phone and never see my children again.
Speaker 1: And I hung up the phone. I let out a scream.
Speaker 1: The nurses came. My mother call the hospital. Shortly thereafter,
Speaker 1: and told them that John just called her and said
Speaker 1: he was on his way to the hospital to kill
Speaker 1: her daughter. So they moved me from one room to another,
Speaker 1: posted a guard outside my door, took my name off
Speaker 1: of the register and stated that anybody who was coming
Speaker 1: up to see me needed to send up their I
Speaker 1: d to identify rather or not it was John. A
Speaker 1: social worker came and said, you can't go back home.
Speaker 1: I said, well, my mom is at home. Said we'll
Speaker 1: take care of your mom, but we have to disconnect
Speaker 1: from everybody that you know, because we have to put
Speaker 1: you in hiding so that John will not find and
Speaker 1: kill you. So they waited till it got dark, took
Speaker 1: me out of the back door of the hospital. They
Speaker 1: told me I needed to slouch down in the car
Speaker 1: so no one could see that I was in the car.
Speaker 1: But I watched the rooftops and I was watching the
Speaker 1: open windows because I knew it was gonna be a
Speaker 1: head shot, just as sure as I'm sitting here talking
Speaker 1: to you, I knew it was gonna be a head shot.
Speaker 1: I go into the shelter and the staff person said, Miller,
Speaker 1: you're in luck. You get your own room, like I
Speaker 1: want to be in a shelter. So we go upstairs
Speaker 1: and I'm sitting on the bed and I'm thinking, how
Speaker 1: did I get here? Married for twelve years, three children,
Speaker 1: a business, I'm a businesswoman, taking care of my mom,
Speaker 1: and I'm in a shelter. When a victim is still
Speaker 1: emotionally attached to her abuser, she or he, they are
Speaker 1: more concerned with what the abuser thinks instead of what
Speaker 1: they need to do to get away. Because even in
Speaker 1: the shelter, I was watching a commercial about a family
Speaker 1: and the husband, and that's when it clicked that John
Speaker 1: didn't love me. That's when it clicked. That's crazy. And
Speaker 1: that's when I had to swallow that pill. And he
Speaker 1: didn't love me. After all of that, that was the
Speaker 1: moment in the shelter, in the shelter, watching TV and
Speaker 1: don't love me? The light came on, so to speak.
Speaker 1: Was there anything in the commercial that triggered that? It
Speaker 1: was a family setting and it just clicked just but
Speaker 1: once I swallowed that pill, it was only like popcorn.
Speaker 1: What knowledge did your children have of the difficulty you
Speaker 1: guys were having in your relationship? Were they're aware of it?
Speaker 1: Children are always aware of a couple's issues. As much
Speaker 1: as we try to keep things from them, they know.
Speaker 1: September two thousand one, I gained custody of my children.
Speaker 1: We are trying to put our lives together. I did
Speaker 1: not interrogate them to inform me of what happened. We
Speaker 1: would watch TV and they would recognize, say An Island,
Speaker 1: and my daughter said, Mom, we were in Antiga. Really yeah,
Speaker 1: that was a lady that we stayed with. And she
Speaker 1: asked us why were we there? And I told her
Speaker 1: that my daddy took us from you, and then she
Speaker 1: told us we needed to leave. I say, really, m okay,
Speaker 1: anything else you want to share? Nope, that's it. The
Speaker 1: person that I had the most issues with was my son.
Speaker 1: Out of all three of them, I knew that John
Speaker 1: would turn him against me. He was jealous of our
Speaker 1: relationship and he wanted to break him from being so
Speaker 1: attached and sensitive towards me. So I would ask him
Speaker 1: to take out the trash and he would jump ab
Speaker 1: off the sofa and come right in my face. You
Speaker 1: don't tell me what the dude? Boy, you need to
Speaker 1: back up. Don't you know I'm from Louisiana. Do you
Speaker 1: know we don't take this type of disrespect you know what.
Speaker 1: Let me just take a pause and walk away from you.
Speaker 1: And so the girl said, John, why are you so
Speaker 1: disrespectful to mommy? You know you shouldn't be treating her
Speaker 1: like that. And I said, again, take out the trash.
Speaker 1: He took it out reluctantly, but he did. So. I'm
Speaker 1: sitting on the sofa journaling because journaling is therapeutic for me. Actually,
Speaker 1: I journal because I had no one else to talk to.
Speaker 1: People were judging me, victim blaming, telling me that everything
Speaker 1: was my fault. And John walks up and he says,
Speaker 1: you want to know what Dad said about you. I said, yeah,
Speaker 1: I do. He said, okay. Dad said you didn't want me.
Speaker 1: Dad said you love the girls more than me. Dad
Speaker 1: said you wanted him to take us because you wanted
Speaker 1: to live the rest of your life without us. Say
Speaker 1: anything else? He said, yeah, he said a lot of things.
Speaker 1: I said, well, tell me the rest of you. No,
Speaker 1: I don't want to hurt your feelings. I say, I'm
Speaker 1: a big girl, I can take it. Say no, mom,
Speaker 1: I said, okay, this is what I want you to do.
Speaker 1: I want you to compare what your dad said to
Speaker 1: what I do. If you find that I am doing
Speaker 1: something negative that He said to you, I want you
Speaker 1: to talk to me. I want you to tell me
Speaker 1: about it so that we can talk about it. You
Speaker 1: need to know why I do the things I do,
Speaker 1: and then you can come up with your own interpretation.
Speaker 1: Because the only way we're going to get through this
Speaker 1: is with the truth. And I will tell you the
Speaker 1: truth even if it makes me look bad. But that's
Speaker 1: the only way we're going to get through this as
Speaker 1: a family and be stronger afterwards. Can you promise me
Speaker 1: you'll do that? He said, yes, ma'am, I can do that.
Speaker 1: I said, And by the way, what can I do?
Speaker 1: He said, Mommy, if you could just spend time with
Speaker 1: me and talk to me, I think that will help.
Speaker 1: I said, when do you want to get started? Can
Speaker 1: we start today? Absolutely, Let's go for a walk and talk.
Speaker 1: And I had to tell him what happened. I used
Speaker 1: age appropriate language he was a lovin to describe to
Speaker 1: him what happened and how we got to the point
Speaker 1: where we were. I'm thinking about possible issues. I don't
Speaker 1: know how many of these were present. I'm thinking about
Speaker 1: little John having questions issues surrounding maybe betrayal, abandonment. They
Speaker 1: all had abandonment issues. I would go to work and
Speaker 1: I told them I would be back at five o'clock.
Speaker 1: I didn't show up until five fifteen. Opened the door.
Speaker 1: They were hysterical. I said, okay, let me give myself
Speaker 1: some room. So I told them I will be home
Speaker 1: between five thirty and five forty five, and I showed
Speaker 1: them on the clock what that looks like. But I
Speaker 1: always made sure I came home at about five fifteen
Speaker 1: five twenty to give them a routine. After we got
Speaker 1: all of that cleared up, then there were no more
Speaker 1: abandonment issues. I didn't find out about the conditions in
Speaker 1: Antiqua until years later. I went to the Virgin Islands
Speaker 1: for a speaking engagement. One of the ladies was explaining
Speaker 1: to me the conditions in Antiqua is as if you
Speaker 1: went back a hundred years and I lost it, you know,
Speaker 1: speaking engagement. I'm glad I was finished speaking because I
Speaker 1: I was a mess. It took everything to hold myself
Speaker 1: together until I got home. And when I got home,
Speaker 1: my son came home and he said, Mom, this is
Speaker 1: what I want to tell you. They had to wipe
Speaker 1: themselves with leaves to use the bathroom. They had to
Speaker 1: carry painter buckets of water with worms in it back
Speaker 1: to wherever they were living and put a sheet up
Speaker 1: so that they could bathe. He said, Mom, we almost
Speaker 1: lost hope, and that just stabbed me in my heart
Speaker 1: when he said that, And I said, Honey, I'm just
Speaker 1: so sorry you went through that. I did not bring
Speaker 1: you in this world to suffer. And I've lost you,
Speaker 1: guys for eighteen months, and that's eighteen months I can't
Speaker 1: get back. But I hope that since I've had you back,
Speaker 1: that I have done everything that I possibly can do
Speaker 1: to make you feel like your home. And he said, Mom,
Speaker 1: you did that. You went over and above. We know
Speaker 1: everything you've done, and you've done a great job. You
Speaker 1: taught us that we have to go through our emotional breakthroughs,
Speaker 1: and we're gonna give you time to do that. Just
Speaker 1: go through this process, go through this crime, and then
Speaker 1: once you're done with it, then we can keep going.
Speaker 1: When you speak, when you look out into the audience,
Speaker 1: describe what you see. I see individuals who have taken
Speaker 1: the time to come and hear my story, but also
Speaker 1: there are victims in the audience that are looking for
Speaker 1: something that would help them leave strategically without being hurt
Speaker 1: or killed, because up to seventy of women who try
Speaker 1: to leave an abusive relationship or either hurt or killed.
Speaker 1: Share some of your your knowledge on how do women leave?
Speaker 1: Everybody has a different way. Some leave abruptly, some plan,
Speaker 1: some stay. I saw instead that it takes women in
Speaker 1: abusive relationships up to seven attempts to ultimately leave for good.
Speaker 1: That is correct, but that speaks to how difficult it
Speaker 1: is to leave. It does the short answer. The long
Speaker 1: answer is it wouldn't take me seven times to leave
Speaker 1: if I had support. It wouldn't take me seven times
Speaker 1: to leave if people didn't blame me for the abuse
Speaker 1: that I'm in. So I have to not only handle
Speaker 1: the abuse that I am in with my boyfriend or husband,
Speaker 1: but I also have to deal with his family who's
Speaker 1: coming after me, telling me not to report him or
Speaker 1: turn him over to the police. I have to look
Speaker 1: at my friends who are telling me that I'm stupid
Speaker 1: and I should get out, but nobody's offering me a
Speaker 1: way out. Nobody asked me what I want to do.
Speaker 1: You're too busy telling me what to do. But if
Speaker 1: you was in my shoes, what would you do so?
Speaker 1: Don't give me medicine you won't take. Is there a
Speaker 1: story that you've heard or that comes to mind that
Speaker 1: demonstrates for you the key differences between violent abuse stories
Speaker 1: that we hear a lot about and verbal abuse stories
Speaker 1: that we don't pay as much attention to. I'll give
Speaker 1: you the case of Rihanna and Chris Brown. When it
Speaker 1: first came to light of the abuse, we only had
Speaker 1: her word. She told how he was hurting her. What
Speaker 1: do we do? We praise the abuser and we silenced
Speaker 1: the victim. Why would you do that to Chris? He's
Speaker 1: a good man. Why are you saying these things about him?
Speaker 1: Then they started to bring up her past and how
Speaker 1: terrible of a person she was until those pictures hit
Speaker 1: the news and then it flipped. He lost endorsements. People
Speaker 1: couldn't understand why he would do this to her, and
Speaker 1: whatever she did, it shouldn't worry that. When it came out,
Speaker 1: my first instinct was, she's calling out for help, but
Speaker 1: no one is listening. When the pictures came out, everybody listened.
Speaker 1: Why does it take a picture for you to understand?
Speaker 1: So what I would say to victims and survivors in
Speaker 1: the eight percent who do not have physical scars. Document document,
Speaker 1: document time and date. Write it down as soon as
Speaker 1: it's fresh in your mind. If there are people there
Speaker 1: to witness, ask them to write affidavits so that you
Speaker 1: can help the police by building your case, because the
Speaker 1: police only goes off of evidence, and if you have
Speaker 1: it written down, then you are actually building your case,
Speaker 1: which is evident that you are in an abusive relationship
Speaker 1: and you need help. And it goes the same way
Speaker 1: for men. Men, You know, y'all just summarize stuff because
Speaker 1: you feel you don't want to get the woman in trouble,
Speaker 1: and it's not until your backs are against the wall
Speaker 1: that you start to explain the physical assaults that you're
Speaker 1: going through. Mom. Dad passed when I was nine from
Speaker 1: a domestic violent situation, not with my mom, but with
Speaker 1: another woman. What happened my mom and dad were separated
Speaker 1: and he had decided to come back to my mom.
Speaker 1: The woman who he was with said no, and she
Speaker 1: waited until he was asleep. She pad locked the doors
Speaker 1: and the windows and set the house on fire. You're
Speaker 1: telling me your dad was killed and a domestic violence
Speaker 1: murdered in a domestic violence situation, when I was nine
Speaker 1: years old. I found this out when I was twenty one.
Speaker 1: I went to my cousin's funeral. While we were at
Speaker 1: the repass, there was some men playing cards and I
Speaker 1: heard them call my dad's name, and so I went
Speaker 1: over by the doorway, you know, just to listen. And
Speaker 1: they said, you can hear him screaming from miles and
Speaker 1: no one could get close to the house because it
Speaker 1: was too hot, and so they waited until the Friday
Speaker 1: harmon came to put the fire out. I say, Mom,
Speaker 1: you told us he died in the Navy, that he
Speaker 1: died on a ship. That's why they had his casket
Speaker 1: draped with the flag. She said, well, he wasn't a military.
Speaker 1: They gave him the flag because that's what they do
Speaker 1: with soldiers. But I was waiting for you to get
Speaker 1: old enough to tell you. But that's how my dad died.
Speaker 1: How do you know what are the warning signs that
Speaker 1: you're in an abusive relationship and that it's not some
Speaker 1: quote unquote tough love. Love is not tough. There are
Speaker 1: many signs to domestic abuse and violence. And I could
Speaker 1: go over the signs and you can look them up
Speaker 1: on the computer. But I'm a say it like this.
Speaker 1: It really depends on your tolerance for pain. It really
Speaker 1: depends on how you grew up. If you grew up
Speaker 1: in a household where you witness your father or your
Speaker 1: mother abusing the other parent, then your tolerance for pain
Speaker 1: is high, and so it wouldn't be much of a
Speaker 1: surprise if someone yelled at you, if someone tried to
Speaker 1: restrict you, or something to that nature. There are many
Speaker 1: men who grew up in an abusive home, and there
Speaker 1: are many men who choose not to abuse when they
Speaker 1: are in relationships. So that tells you right, there is
Speaker 1: a choice. You are making a conscious decision to control
Speaker 1: a life you did not create. So the question is
Speaker 1: why do you feel entitled to control someone else's lie
Speaker 1: life when you don't have control of your own. Disappointments
Speaker 1: and frustrations are dealt with in different ways, but if
Speaker 1: you were not taught how to handle your frustrations and disappointments,
Speaker 1: then you will blame other people for bad decisions that
Speaker 1: you've made instead of holding yourself accountable for your own actions.
Speaker 1: Can you explain from your work with other victims and
Speaker 1: survivors the control dynamic in abusive relationships? Well, it's the
Speaker 1: honeymoon cycle. You know, I love you. Then you do
Speaker 1: something too to make me hurt you. I'll call you
Speaker 1: out your name, I'll even physically assault you. Then I
Speaker 1: look at you and go, oh my god, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: I'll never do this again. I go by flowers, or
Speaker 1: I go get your favorite perfume or whatever, until you
Speaker 1: do something again and then I beat you again. I
Speaker 1: never hold myself responsible for beating you. It's always your fault.
Speaker 1: It's always your fault. If you wouldn't have done that,
Speaker 1: then I wouldn't have had to do see what you
Speaker 1: made me do. No, that's a choice you made. Why
Speaker 1: is control required by these abusers? It must speak to
Speaker 1: lack within themselves. Absolutely, it's lack within themselves. They're insecure
Speaker 1: about their own life. Again, it goes back to the
Speaker 1: childhood and how you were raised in your home. If
Speaker 1: you didn't have anybody to talk to to understand your
Speaker 1: emotions and how you process those emotions, and you're watching
Speaker 1: TV instead of having a sit down talk with an
Speaker 1: actual person in order to understand why am I feeling
Speaker 1: this way? It's got to be a reason, absolutely, as
Speaker 1: a reason. So we have to understand the emotions that
Speaker 1: are coming up or lessons that we need to learn
Speaker 1: for ourse elves and understanding how to handle them. You
Speaker 1: may not know yourself how to do that, but go
Speaker 1: to a friend that you trust to help you to
Speaker 1: process those emotions. When you finish your talks, describe for
Speaker 1: me what are you thinking. What you hope people get
Speaker 1: from your discussion of these issues. I never cry on stage.
Speaker 1: I never cry at a presentation. If there's a victim
Speaker 1: in the audience that's coming to see me, for me
Speaker 1: to cry on stage tells them that they will never
Speaker 1: get out. They look at me hoping I will say
Speaker 1: something that will help them not only to get out,
Speaker 1: but they can be strong, they can be strategic, they
Speaker 1: can put the tools in place and become healed like me.
Speaker 1: Crying tells them I'm not healed. Crying doesn't give them hope.
Speaker 1: Some people say, well, you know it's okay to cry
Speaker 1: to show people how you feel, not at that moment.
Speaker 1: Not at that moment. When you're done, go crying in
Speaker 1: your room, But don't cry in front of an audience
Speaker 1: that's looking to you for hope, for empowerment, and for
Speaker 1: the ability to know that once I get out of this,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be just like that, and I'm going to
Speaker 1: share my story and I'm gonna be strong and help
Speaker 1: other people. Is there a question that you get more
Speaker 1: often than any other after I share my story? Mostly
Speaker 1: what I get is I'm so glad you're still alive.
Speaker 1: I'm so happy that I drove so many miles to
Speaker 1: see you. I'm so glad that you're here. I remember
Speaker 1: one when I was speaking in three different locations in Virginia,
Speaker 1: and it was this one woman that was at all
Speaker 1: three locations and I saw her and she came up
Speaker 1: to me and she said, hey, Miss Mohammed. I said, hey,
Speaker 1: how you doing. She say, you know, I've been to
Speaker 1: all three of your presentations in Virginia. I said, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're my little stalker. Huh. She said Ms. Mohammedan, You're right,
Speaker 1: but I just had to hear you say this one
Speaker 1: statement because I never heard that before. I said, well,
Speaker 1: what was that said? I never heard anybody say that
Speaker 1: you don't have to have physical scars? Ms Mohammed. I
Speaker 1: have been in an abusive relationship for seventeen years and
Speaker 1: he never hit me. I'm the breadwinner. He stays at home,
Speaker 1: and he terrorizes me and my children. The first time
Speaker 1: you said that, I went home and I looked forward everywhere,
Speaker 1: and I couldn't find it on the internet where anybody
Speaker 1: else said that. So I had to make sure that
Speaker 1: I heard what you said. So I went to your
Speaker 1: second session and you said it again, but this time
Speaker 1: I applied what you said when you told us you
Speaker 1: may not realize you're in an abusive relationship. So go
Speaker 1: home and get a sheet of paper, draw a line
Speaker 1: down the middle, pros and cons. Right, so you write
Speaker 1: down the pros, you write down the cons. But when
Speaker 1: you write them down, you don't make excuses like he
Speaker 1: hit me because ABC and D. No, he hit me,
Speaker 1: and your only evaluating the relationship and not the individual
Speaker 1: because we change every day. Right, So she said, I
Speaker 1: went home and I did that, and like you said,
Speaker 1: if the pros outweigh the cons, then we can work
Speaker 1: on the relationship. But ms mohammed, the cons outweigh the pros.
Speaker 1: So that man, I needed to make a decision. But
Speaker 1: I just had to hear you said one more time
Speaker 1: before I made that decision. And when you said it again,
Speaker 1: I knew I had to leave, and so I left
Speaker 1: miss Mohammed, and guess what, me and my children we
Speaker 1: are happy. And I would never have left if I
Speaker 1: didn't hear you say you don't have to have physical scars.
Speaker 1: What does hearing something like that do for you? That
Speaker 1: makes me feel that what I started to do its
Speaker 1: working because it's my mission to shift the thinking. And
Speaker 1: I shifted her thinking so that she can take a
Speaker 1: comprehensive look at her relationship and then strategize on how
Speaker 1: to effectively leave. And that's what she did. I want
Speaker 1: you to dig in a little bit more on that
Speaker 1: sheet of paper concept and what you're writing. So can
Speaker 1: you talk about that bit of guidance again? What you
Speaker 1: tell people to go home and do again? You may
Speaker 1: not know that you are in an abusive relationship. So
Speaker 1: get a sheet of paper, draw a line down the middle.
Speaker 1: Pros on one side, cons on the other. Pros and
Speaker 1: cons of the relationship, of the relationship only not of
Speaker 1: the person. Okay, because we all have flaws, we all
Speaker 1: come with bags. We just choose the person who's willing
Speaker 1: to deal with the stuff that's in my bag. So
Speaker 1: you got the pros and the cons on the paper.
Speaker 1: The next thing you need to do is separate your
Speaker 1: emotions from the actual facts. Just like Judge Judy, she says,
Speaker 1: what all I want are the facts. I don't want
Speaker 1: no emotions. You want to be emotional, go talk to
Speaker 1: Dr Phield. So we only want the facts because the
Speaker 1: facts will help you to see who you dealing with.
Speaker 1: A pro could be he put gas in the car
Speaker 1: because the tank was empty. No, he put gas in
Speaker 1: the car. It doesn't matter the reason. There's no except
Speaker 1: in no condition he put gas in a car. A
Speaker 1: con would be he disconnected my phone because he didn't
Speaker 1: want me on the house phone. No, no, no, he
Speaker 1: disconnected the phone, simple as that. So once you come
Speaker 1: to the end of that, if the pros outweigh the cons,
Speaker 1: the relationship is worth analyzing and saving, and you have
Speaker 1: to create a new normal. You can't go back to
Speaker 1: what it was. You have to start fresh. If the
Speaker 1: cons outweigh the pros, you really have a decision to make.
Speaker 1: Are you gonna stay in a relationship. A lot of
Speaker 1: people don't leave because they got a lot to lose.
Speaker 1: Or I helped to build that house, I put money
Speaker 1: in that account to I'm not having another person to
Speaker 1: come in here and enjoy the fruits of my labor.
Speaker 1: I mean, all of that stuff goes on. So that's
Speaker 1: a decision you have to make, and the decision is
Speaker 1: completely yours. You don't need outside people telling you what
Speaker 1: to do. Nobody's living your life for you but you.
Speaker 1: But make sure it's a decision that you can live with.
Speaker 1: If you suspect you or someone you know is experiencing
Speaker 1: domestic violence, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline A
Speaker 1: seven two three three, or go to the hotline dot org.
Speaker 1: Once again, that's the hotline dot org. Remember you are
Speaker 1: not alone because domestic violence reports are on the rise.
Speaker 1: Mildred Mohammed also recently released an e book called Being
Speaker 1: Abused while Teleworking during COVID nineteen. You can find it online.
Speaker 1: That's it for this bonus episode of Monster. We'll be
Speaker 1: back soon with another bonus episode, an interview with John
Speaker 1: and Mildred's daughters, Taliba and Selena. Subscribe to make sure
Speaker 1: you don't miss it. When you're coming from a position
Speaker 1: of being nine years old and all you've known is
Speaker 1: my dad adds this type of way because I'm a
Speaker 1: child that when you see him on TV, it's like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't know what they're talking about because my dad
Speaker 1: was consistent, consistent, consistent of right and was doing all
Speaker 1: of the things that he was supposed to be doing