Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer Podcast.
Speaker 2: Glaser pos.
Speaker 3: Hello here, I am welcome to the Nicky Glazer Podcast.
Speaker 4: I'm Nicki Glazer. I am in Saint Louis, Missouri alone. Well,
Speaker 4: my dog's in the room, but I'm back home in
Speaker 4: my home studio. Good to be back. Brian is in
Speaker 4: Los Angeles. What's up, Brian?
Speaker 1: Yeah, what's up? I'm in my home studio with my
Speaker 1: dog as well.
Speaker 3: Yes, Oh my god, dog life is so good.
Speaker 1: Dog you like being back in the dog life.
Speaker 4: I mean, she didn't like recognize me, because honestly, I
Speaker 4: had her for I think four weeks before I left
Speaker 4: for Europe, and then she was with her dogs atter
Speaker 4: for two and a half, which is like the same
Speaker 4: amount of time. So I think she just thought that
Speaker 4: was her new owner, and she was probably sad to
Speaker 4: see her go.
Speaker 3: But then Chris was with her a couple days before
Speaker 3: I got home.
Speaker 4: But I got home yesterday and she barked at me
Speaker 4: at first and was alarmed. But I had sunglasses on,
Speaker 4: so maybe she's not a fan of the podcast. She's
Speaker 4: not used to seeing me like that. She'sn't watching her
Speaker 4: YouTube channel, so half my face was covered.
Speaker 1: But she's more of a Tiger belly fan. I think, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: And uh so she she oh, she is. She would
Speaker 4: be a Tiger belly fan because she just loves the word.
Speaker 4: Just belly is like very crucial to her. She's so
Speaker 4: cute and I love her. But she Yeah, she barked
Speaker 4: at me at first and then wow, and I didn't
Speaker 4: take it offensively, like that's the thing.
Speaker 3: Animals can do.
Speaker 4: No harm to me, Like they can do whatever they want,
Speaker 4: and I'll never take anything personally or be like. She
Speaker 4: doesn't wike me anymore. I'm just like you, be you girl.
Speaker 4: I don't care like I like. People sometimes ask why
Speaker 4: my parents have my old dogs, Luigi and Marion, and
Speaker 4: the reason that I didn't take them back from them
Speaker 4: because I gave them to them because I was living
Speaker 4: in New York and it just made living there. Oh,
Speaker 4: I forget to turn off the AC. So I'm sorry
Speaker 4: if you guys hear that it's just too hot, not
Speaker 4: too This is what I'm gonna say, even though I don't.
Speaker 4: It's not true, but it sounds like it could be
Speaker 4: anywhere in the country. It was yesterday, but now it's
Speaker 4: not too hot. I'm just too I'm too lazy. To
Speaker 4: do it, and I think it's just it's for the
Speaker 4: best that I don't because I'm just feeling really lazy
Speaker 4: right now.
Speaker 1: You're hot and bothered.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And so I gave my dogs to my parents
Speaker 4: because I was in a four floor walk up and
Speaker 4: it just became like brutal to walk them up and down,
Speaker 4: and they didn't like the stairs and they don't like
Speaker 4: shitting on the sidewalk, and so I was like, I
Speaker 4: just want them to have a better life, even though
Speaker 4: I love them, And it made my life a hell
Speaker 4: of a lot better too, so we both benefited from it.
Speaker 4: But then when I moved back to Saint Louis and
Speaker 4: I was able to like actually have a dog again.
Speaker 4: First of all, my parents didn't want to give Marian
Speaker 4: back because they love her so much and Luigi. They
Speaker 4: would have given back, but Luigi really liked living there.
Speaker 4: And he's also too big to travel now because he's
Speaker 4: a he's just a chonker. He got too big and
Speaker 4: I can't carry that thing around. And he has a
Speaker 4: better life with them, and he doesn't like leaving them,
Speaker 4: and one time, like he would do little sleepovers with me.
Speaker 4: For the past couple of years where I would just
Speaker 4: borrow him for a couple of days and we'd just
Speaker 4: hang out like we to, you know, when I was
Speaker 4: his owner. And one night he was coming over for
Speaker 4: a sleepover, which he did not ask to do, and
Speaker 4: I'm just like, get in the car and he gets
Speaker 4: in the car reluctantly, and then I just open the
Speaker 4: door and I go, do you want to go back?
Speaker 4: And he just instantly juts out and I go, I
Speaker 4: just call my parents. I'm like, Luigi's at the door.
Speaker 4: He's back, and They're like take him. And I'm like, no,
Speaker 4: he wanted to be with you, and I'm not hurt
Speaker 4: by it, Like I just want him to have a
Speaker 4: good life. So yesterday when she barked at me, there
Speaker 4: was I'm glad there's no part of me that was.
Speaker 3: Like she doesn't when membo.
Speaker 4: Me, Because all it takes to get a dog to
Speaker 4: love you is just like hang out with them for
Speaker 4: a day and feed them and give them snuggles, and
Speaker 4: then I'll be her number one. Whoever is giving her
Speaker 4: the most attention is her number one.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I mean over time, that'll get harder. It'll
Speaker 1: take longer than a day. Over time. I think if
Speaker 1: you own this dog for years and years and establish this.
Speaker 4: I want her to be a transient pop that's just
Speaker 4: horrid around, because that's what she.
Speaker 3: Is right now.
Speaker 1: She's like, some dogs are not bad.
Speaker 3: No, what's going on?
Speaker 1: When I was picking out dogs to foster and then
Speaker 1: eventually I got Jack. I remember one of the dogs
Speaker 1: I walked. I walked around. This man was holding the
Speaker 1: dog and he's like, you want to try walking this
Speaker 1: dog around? I was like sure. He handed me the dog,
Speaker 1: and the dog like didn't even notice that someone else
Speaker 1: was walking him. Yeah, there was no difference. He could
Speaker 1: have handed the dog off to like Hitler and he
Speaker 1: would have been totally fine with it. And I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I want to foster a dog
Speaker 1: that like, I don't Well, I'll foster a dog about you,
Speaker 1: but I don't want to adopt a dog who like
Speaker 1: doesn't even notice that you're a person.
Speaker 4: No. The thing is, my dog is not totally just like, Uh,
Speaker 4: I've been tossed around so much that I'm just numb
Speaker 4: to any new person. She just likes everyone, and I
Speaker 4: love it because she's just gonna have a ton of
Speaker 4: people who she's like always excited to see when she
Speaker 4: does get to see them, Like her sitter, her sitter
Speaker 4: who she had for was with her two and a
Speaker 4: half weeks, cried when she dropped her off. She was
Speaker 4: gonna miss her so much. And she's been texting us
Speaker 4: being like, can you send pictures of the dog? And
Speaker 4: I'm like, wait, who's sitting for who? She's like requesting
Speaker 4: footage to make sure she's okay. I'm like, yeah, so
Speaker 4: we uh so this weekend, like I'm out of town
Speaker 4: in Vegas, and I don't want to bring her because
Speaker 4: it's just too hard to be in a hotel on the
Speaker 4: strip walking a dog and and so and then Chris
Speaker 4: is trying to get work done here. So I was like,
Speaker 4: let's give Gracie a couple of days with the dog
Speaker 4: and get the dog sit are back in here, because
Speaker 4: she like is constantly she's like I miss her so much.
Speaker 4: So yeah, it's like now she has a bunch of
Speaker 4: people who love her.
Speaker 3: It's so nice.
Speaker 1: That's very good. I bought Jack to Vegas when we
Speaker 1: went there for the Super Bowl, and I have to say,
Speaker 1: there's no place, there's no place in this country that's
Speaker 1: worse to bring a dog than a Vegas hotel because
Speaker 1: it takes like forty five minutes to leave the hotel
Speaker 1: so that they can piss.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's not ideal. You'd probably have to carry Jack through.
Speaker 4: Did you carry him most of the time?
Speaker 1: No, I walked him. I mean he was he could
Speaker 1: do that walk. He can't just to take forever. And
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, if I want to walk the dog,
Speaker 1: I mean four times a day or something, I can't
Speaker 1: take an hour every single time.
Speaker 4: That's the thing with my building is like, that's why
Speaker 4: suddenly I'm looking at houses because I have never cared
Speaker 4: about having a house until I had a dog, and
Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, every time this dog is to pee,
Speaker 4: I have to walk down a hallway and then go
Speaker 4: down you know, I think I've talked about it before,
Speaker 4: an elevator and then go outside. And it's like, if
Speaker 4: I could just the difference between having a dog when
Speaker 4: you have a yard and having a dog and not
Speaker 4: a yard is a really big difference, y'all. I didn't
Speaker 4: even think about it, but it is a big difference.
Speaker 4: Like you just open the door and your dog goes
Speaker 4: out in the backyard. That's amazing, yues. They need exercise
Speaker 4: and you should, but a lot of you don't do
Speaker 4: it as much as you should with locks because you
Speaker 4: don't have to because they do have a yard that
Speaker 4: you can convince yourself they can run around. And the
Speaker 4: great thing with her is is that I can get
Speaker 4: her tuckered out within five minutes, like full blown. Like
Speaker 4: if you had a dog like a whine marine or something,
Speaker 4: you would have to go run this thing in the park.
Speaker 4: And I guess throwing the ball. Having a dog that
Speaker 4: plays fetch is so great because you can tucker them
Speaker 4: out so quickly, But it's you have to teach a
Speaker 4: dog how to play fetch. We do. We play a
Speaker 4: game called hallball where I throw it down a cat
Speaker 4: like the hallway, and she runs so hard. I have
Speaker 4: to do it like five times. Her legs are so tiny,
Speaker 4: and she's dead, and then she has to go sleep
Speaker 4: for five hours.
Speaker 3: She yes, it's great, So maybe.
Speaker 4: I don't need a yard in a house. But I
Speaker 4: was looking up apartments Friday night or Saturday night. When
Speaker 4: the assassination attempt broke, I immediately texted Chris and was like,
Speaker 4: let's get an apartment in Amsterdam. Let's let's move to Amsterdam.
Speaker 4: I'm seriously I'm not joking about it anymore. I'm literally
Speaker 4: looking at property I want to have, like a small
Speaker 4: place that's just to get away.
Speaker 3: Literally to get away.
Speaker 4: Not just a little beachy getaway, No, like I need
Speaker 4: to escape.
Speaker 1: So U can, and you should, and if just for
Speaker 1: the escape, but it's like you, if you can, why not?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: And I loved Amsterdam so much when I was there
Speaker 4: for tour, I was like just obsessed with that town.
Speaker 4: And I found this cafe with this food that I
Speaker 4: just can't thinking about. I talked about it already, but
Speaker 4: I just I can't stop thinking about Amsterdam.
Speaker 3: And so I was like, a, yes, a reason to go.
Speaker 4: Not that you know, you can never escape anything that's
Speaker 4: happening right now globally with the weather and everything, but
Speaker 4: it seems like a pretty good place to like die.
Speaker 1: Sure, I mean there's lots of places that are great
Speaker 1: to die. But it feels like this is like a
Speaker 1: full character arc for you, like you've gone through a transformation,
Speaker 1: because I recall before you went on your European tour,
Speaker 1: you were like, why leave the country. I don't want
Speaker 1: to speak different languages, I don't want to experience these
Speaker 1: cultures I know, and now you're like, wouldn't it be
Speaker 1: nice to have a little getaway at Amsterdam?
Speaker 4: I don't have to do work and I can Can
Speaker 4: I retire if I just oppositely in Amsterdam? Wow?
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is all a big change.
Speaker 4: Well, because vacation rules, and if you don't take one,
Speaker 4: you never know how good it can be, and so
Speaker 4: you just are addicted to work. But people who are
Speaker 4: addicted to work don't take vacations because if they really
Speaker 4: let themselves do it, they realize.
Speaker 3: How fucking sweet it is not to work. Oh yeah,
Speaker 3: I loved it. I like it.
Speaker 4: I mean I think it's probably me picturing Amsterdam like
Speaker 4: this place where I don't I just don't have to
Speaker 4: do anything today and I just walk around and tonight
Speaker 4: I get to go see Taylor Swift like that was
Speaker 4: my life there. But I just liked the weather. I know,
Speaker 4: I was there for a really nice time of year.
Speaker 4: I liked the vibe. I liked the smell of the air.
Speaker 4: I liked the vibe of the people that were not
Speaker 4: judgmental but not overly excited.
Speaker 3: I just liked it.
Speaker 4: And I'm like, what can I Could I be famous
Speaker 4: in Amsterdam? Like my parents have a friend who's a
Speaker 4: musician who claimed only to be famous in Holland, like
Speaker 4: he can go over to Holland and he like cannot
Speaker 4: get around, And so I was like, can I be
Speaker 4: the Can I do that? I was almost going to
Speaker 4: say his name, and then I was like, no, I'll
Speaker 4: have to take it out because I'll be alorad he sees.
Speaker 3: It and it's going to be a whole thing.
Speaker 4: But yeah, I was wondering what I could do over
Speaker 4: at Amsterdam, and then I was like, wait, I looked
Speaker 4: up like what's it like to be.
Speaker 3: An American in Amsterdam. I'm not even joking.
Speaker 4: I was like, I'm I want to eventually have a
Speaker 4: plan to move there, and so on Reddit, I found
Speaker 4: this thing about you know, someone was like, I'm moving
Speaker 4: to Amsterdam from the States.
Speaker 3: Can will tell me?
Speaker 4: Like, what's the biggest difference is culture shocks And the
Speaker 4: only one that stood out to me was that shops
Speaker 4: and restaurants close.
Speaker 3: At five five and stores what no that open?
Speaker 4: Well, there's one night a week where it's it's called
Speaker 4: like nocked eternal and it like they're open till eight
Speaker 4: and it's one night. Jesus Christ, where to God? Yeah,
Speaker 4: And so that would kind of bum me up. What
Speaker 4: do they do the taste of Starbucks over there? I don't,
Speaker 4: I don't know. I don't know how they eat.
Speaker 1: They I mean they I mean obviously you can cook,
Speaker 1: but like every single night five o'clock, it's all shut down,
Speaker 1: Like what if you work?
Speaker 4: I don't. I think everyone doesn't work. Everyone just cooks.
Speaker 1: Nobody in Amsterdam works.
Speaker 4: They all just cook and then dates. I guess if
Speaker 4: you're dating at night, where would you go? I guess
Speaker 4: bars are open maybe okay, but I don't know. Like
Speaker 4: that was the one thing that I was like, I
Speaker 4: don't know if I could do that, but I really
Speaker 4: did love.
Speaker 3: This one word.
Speaker 4: I came across Amsterdam and I want to try to
Speaker 4: figure out what it is. It was like they have
Speaker 4: a lot of like bing ding dang's in there, Like
Speaker 4: they'll just throw the word ding bing dang, Like those
Speaker 4: ding bang and dang are all over the.
Speaker 1: What's what's the what's the lexicon? No? What's the language
Speaker 1: called Dutch?
Speaker 3: Dutch? Yeah? Okay, thank you.
Speaker 4: I'm really bad with languages and like countries, I'm really like,
Speaker 4: I show how stupid I am when I start talking
Speaker 4: like that.
Speaker 3: I literally thought this was.
Speaker 4: I thought I almost translated in front of someone who
Speaker 4: is in uh Switzerland, but I just thought Zurich was
Speaker 4: in Sweden. I just thought I stopped at the s
Speaker 4: W and I just like committed to it, and I
Speaker 4: was translating things to Swedish to like communicate there, and
Speaker 4: luckily never said anything to anyone, but I definitely looked
Speaker 4: at the infection to take to a pharmacy and like
Speaker 4: was in Swedish. So I would have said just in
Speaker 4: Swedish to someone that I should have been speaking doing
Speaker 4: Swiss German. All of a sudden, I've we're two nights
Speaker 4: into Zurich, and I'm like, this whole menu is in German.
Speaker 3: I go Swedish. Looks like German.
Speaker 1: I want an idiot, okay, kind of look Swedish. If
Speaker 1: you start speaking in Swedish, they would have been like, oh,
Speaker 1: she's from Sweden.
Speaker 3: Okay. Literally this is the word Brian. Are you ready?
Speaker 3: Because this I only know this word because I.
Speaker 4: Was trying to find the entrance to the Aristour and
Speaker 4: so it was like on my ticket it said entrance
Speaker 4: b So I'm looking for this word and I'm so.
Speaker 4: I did not confirm then that it was entrance, But
Speaker 4: I'm glad because I just looked up entrance dunch and
Speaker 4: here it is hoof ding gang hoof Okay, look at
Speaker 4: think of seeing this word gigantic hoof ding gang b.
Speaker 4: It sounds like a horse gang bang, hoof ding gang.
Speaker 4: It sounds like a uh.
Speaker 1: It doesn't sound like a made up language. It sounds
Speaker 1: like a made up language like if you're thinking about
Speaker 1: like Elvish or something in a fantasy novel. Kind of
Speaker 1: makes sense. Hoof ding gang.
Speaker 4: I wanted to ask someone how to pronounce it. I mean,
Speaker 4: I guess I could look at but it's silly, serious word,
Speaker 4: and it made me go like, maybe I want to
Speaker 4: learn this language because it's so funny. But I just
Speaker 4: I could not believe that they had signs that were
Speaker 4: literally that said hoof ding gang and everyone was just like, yeah,
Speaker 4: go to hof.
Speaker 3: Ding like this.
Speaker 4: I mean, I'm sure there's English words that make them
Speaker 4: go what are you saying?
Speaker 3: But that really got me.
Speaker 1: No, we're culturally insensitive here, but I do think if
Speaker 1: the language is already that ridiculous, I can't imagine doing
Speaker 1: comedy in Dutch. Every single word you say is is
Speaker 1: is nonsense.
Speaker 3: I really feel like the Dutch people.
Speaker 4: I remember I performed in Amsterdam, so I can't remember
Speaker 4: what the reception was, like I would remember if it
Speaker 4: was horrible, so I'm sure it was just like fine,
Speaker 4: but or or it could be really good. I tend
Speaker 4: to not remember great and fine. I only remember horrible.
Speaker 4: But I would have expected them to just be like
Speaker 4: kind of like hmm, that's funny, I guess, like polite,
Speaker 4: but not like laughing like ha hofting gung gun doung
Speaker 4: like I wouldn't as what I know about the Dutch people.
Speaker 4: They're just smilers, uh huh. And I like that, like
Speaker 4: I dig that vibe. But yeah, what was your initial
Speaker 4: reaction on Saturday night?
Speaker 1: Oh wow? Switching gear without getting.
Speaker 3: Without getting too uh, without getting too honest.
Speaker 1: We can let's talk about it honestly and cut.
Speaker 4: It all right, Well, welcome back to the show, because
Speaker 4: we got off on a tangent and I know it
Speaker 4: just like cut out there, but you can only imagine
Speaker 4: the things that we were saying and discussing regarding just
Speaker 4: the news of the weekend.
Speaker 3: And when I say the news of the weekend, we
Speaker 3: got our fact straight.
Speaker 4: Now we really have true opinions about the girl who
Speaker 4: sang the national anthem last night, And that's what we're
Speaker 4: going to talk about when we get back from break.
Speaker 3: We're back.
Speaker 4: My dog's going crazy. She doesn't understand that I'm recording
Speaker 4: a podcast right now and I'm not in the mood
Speaker 4: to play. But did you hear the national anthem last night?
Speaker 4: From that girl?
Speaker 1: So I didn't hear it. That was the only thing
Speaker 1: I didn't see. Can you give me the lowdown?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Can Olivia? Can you play it for us? So
Speaker 3: I only heard about it because.
Speaker 4: I opened my phone and it was everywhere immediately last night.
Speaker 4: And as someone who sang the national anthem at a
Speaker 4: parade publicly, it's a very hard song. And I didn't
Speaker 4: really do that well at it at all, Like i'd
Speaker 4: give myself maybe a D plus.
Speaker 3: Like not good.
Speaker 4: But I got asked to do it, and it was
Speaker 4: a small It wasn't that big of a deal, and
Speaker 4: I didn't think it was going to exist anywhere, and
Speaker 4: I think it probably does, but like I don't i'd
Speaker 4: like it.
Speaker 3: You learn from these things. It wasn't on this scale.
Speaker 4: And also I'm not a professional singer, so if I
Speaker 4: sounded like a d is really moves up to a
Speaker 4: B for the learning curve from me because no one
Speaker 4: expects me to be any good. This girl is a
Speaker 4: professional singer, and all I can feel for her is
Speaker 4: I feel I feel sad and embarrassed and I'm sorry
Speaker 4: for her.
Speaker 3: Talk about sympathy.
Speaker 1: Wait, I don't even know where this was? What where
Speaker 1: was that?
Speaker 3: It was at that like home home run derby?
Speaker 4: What do they do?
Speaker 3: Like the just some kind of like is it that?
Speaker 1: Yeah? No, home run Derby was yesterday? It was all
Speaker 1: start breaking mL.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was a big event.
Speaker 4: I mean it was a huge baseball stadium and it
Speaker 4: was not good in a way. That's so like, I
Speaker 4: don't even know. I don't know that I've ever sounded
Speaker 4: this bad. And this girl is a professional singer, so
Speaker 4: I don't know what happened. And apparently she's messing with
Speaker 4: her in ears during it. Oh, I don't even know
Speaker 4: if I can watch it.
Speaker 1: Is she a professional singer and like she's a pop
Speaker 1: star or.
Speaker 4: What she's like a burgeoning country star? I think Ingrid Andress. Okay,
Speaker 4: four time Grammy nominee, by the way, four time Grammy nominee.
Speaker 1: It says, Yeah, what's happening.
Speaker 3: I got to look this girl up. Okay, let's listen.
Speaker 3: Oh say you.
Speaker 2: Sae Bye the Donce, What's too? Proudly by the Tilight,
Speaker 2: Last Green.
Speaker 3: Almost shot silmade.
Speaker 1: Through the pain.
Speaker 3: You're just nervous. I can hear it.
Speaker 1: Oh the.
Speaker 3: But we watch We're so gas least stream poor thing
Speaker 3: and get spread the.
Speaker 2: Bombs burst.
Speaker 3: Gave pool, do the night.
Speaker 2: That of the wash, say thet speed.
Speaker 3: She doesn't look like she knows. Someone said there was
Speaker 3: an instant meme that.
Speaker 4: Said, this was a rough weekend for America's ears. She
Speaker 4: looks like a Heidi Gardner character. She looks like Heidie Gardner.
Speaker 1: It's almost like it got so bad at the end
Speaker 1: it almost felt like she was doing it on purpose.
Speaker 4: First, honestly, I think that's the track she should go in,
Speaker 4: So I looked her up.
Speaker 3: She's, you know, a four time Grammy winning.
Speaker 1: Artist, Grammy for Comedy Album God.
Speaker 3: She's born in ninety one. She's thirty two.
Speaker 4: Her breakthrough say More Hearts than Mine peaked at number
Speaker 4: thirty on the Billboard. Okay, we got to listen to
Speaker 4: More Hearts than My? You know what, it doesn't matter
Speaker 4: because you can sound good in a recording studio. Her
Speaker 4: single The Stranger peaked at number forty nine on country airplay.
Speaker 3: But Da Da Da Da.
Speaker 4: She's released two albums. She has also co written songs
Speaker 4: for Charlie XCX. That's a big deal. Yeah, grew up
Speaker 4: in Michigan. Okay, she's been on the show Perfect Pitch
Speaker 4: or something pitch Slapped. No, she was in a group
Speaker 4: called pitch Slapped on the NBC singing competition The sing Off,
Speaker 4: which is like an a cappella show.
Speaker 3: Do you remember that? Uh huh, So she is a
Speaker 3: history of singing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I was gonna.
Speaker 4: I decided when I was listening. Okay, she's nervous and
Speaker 4: she's tensing up and like it is like trot. I've
Speaker 4: talked about it on the show. Unless you're relaxed, like
Speaker 4: you cannot sing and if you're nervous. But also the
Speaker 4: echoes coming back to her, she looked. But then I
Speaker 4: saw her and she looked very relaxed.
Speaker 1: She looked like she was enjoying that, you know what.
Speaker 1: She was doing a lot of these like flourishes and
Speaker 1: had that She has that weird like b York style
Speaker 1: voice where she's like not really using like a human
Speaker 1: accent or whatever that is.
Speaker 3: I think yeah, yeah, yeah, where she changes like the
Speaker 3: wording of yeah.
Speaker 1: And I feel like that's that's happening a lot now
Speaker 1: with like younger singers or something where I'm just hearing
Speaker 1: a like pop songs, like people are doing like little
Speaker 1: baby voices or something. I don't know what to call it,
Speaker 1: but it's a very sting for a while. What what
Speaker 1: is that and why? And is that good?
Speaker 3: It just is easy to sound like this and sing
Speaker 3: like this.
Speaker 1: Like instead of saying instead of saying like I went
Speaker 1: to the store, yeah, or it's like stir.
Speaker 3: Well.
Speaker 4: It does help with singing to change the way you
Speaker 4: say some words like justin Timberlake kind of got poked
Speaker 4: fun at for it, but you shouldn't have noticed. It's
Speaker 4: gonna be May. May is easier to say than me,
Speaker 4: Like singing me is not easy. So most people when
Speaker 4: they say me, when you hear me in a song,
Speaker 4: they're saying may.
Speaker 1: But I thought it was gonna be May. I thought
Speaker 1: about the months that's about him. Yeah, I'm sorry to interrupt.
Speaker 1: Related to Ingrid, two minutes ago, she posted that she
Speaker 1: was drunk last night, apologizes and she going to rehab.
Speaker 3: Oh she's going to what rehab?
Speaker 1: Oh rehab?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I just it just notified.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, Well that's an interesting angle to go. I
Speaker 1: think I don't really believe her.
Speaker 4: Whoever in her PR team came up with that one,
Speaker 4: give me a call, because I want that person in
Speaker 4: my corner when she hits the fan, because that is
Speaker 4: good that this is.
Speaker 1: Going to be a huge positive for her now instead
Speaker 1: of being like you're the worst singer in the world,
Speaker 1: it's like she's suffering and she now has admitted her addiction,
Speaker 1: and now she's going to go try to fix it.
Speaker 1: And I still think she could have.
Speaker 3: Got an addiction, an addiction, but she was wasted. I
Speaker 3: don't know that she was.
Speaker 4: She didn't seem but but that might explain the relaxation.
Speaker 4: That might explain crazy she loses it. I think two
Speaker 4: notes in she uh goes her own way and then
Speaker 4: everyone's going like, why is she doing all these like
Speaker 4: land of the like those little things. It's because she
Speaker 4: already practiced it that way. That's why she didn't abandon
Speaker 4: those like yeah, she she just had to do them.
Speaker 4: That that's gonna be this is Yeah, the HAKT girl
Speaker 4: needs to move to the side, and this.
Speaker 3: Is our new queen.
Speaker 4: This is it.
Speaker 1: I mean Hawk two is doing all right by the
Speaker 1: way she's having she you're gonna like this. Actually, did
Speaker 1: you see what hawk Ta posted this week? No, so
Speaker 1: hawk Tua is now getting a lot of pushback because
Speaker 1: you know, she's getting fifteen minutes of fame and now
Speaker 1: people are like, she's not anything. Why is this girl
Speaker 1: who spit on a dick like gonna be famous to us?
Speaker 1: And she is now owning the idea that she only
Speaker 1: has fifteen minutes of fame. And she made a video
Speaker 1: where she said, people are telling me I only have
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes of fame, and so I'm gonna take that
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes and do something good. And then she goes
Speaker 1: to a Pet Smart and she buys sixty thousand dollars
Speaker 1: worth of pet food and pet supplies, and then she
Speaker 1: goes to her low animal shelter in Nashville and she
Speaker 1: donates it all to the animal shelter and uses this
Speaker 1: as a platform to get dogs and cats adopted.
Speaker 3: Okay, couple things. What number one that I don't like.
Speaker 4: Pet Smart? I got a problem with pets. Pet Smart
Speaker 4: is not a good They don't care about animals. They're
Speaker 4: there to make a profit. They really don't. They throw
Speaker 4: goldfish out in the trash, still alive. They do that
Speaker 4: with lizards, they do it with hamsters. It's well documented.
Speaker 4: They don't give a fuck about animals. You should not
Speaker 4: shop at pet Smart if you can avoid it. I
Speaker 4: know that there's so many things in the world that
Speaker 4: are It's like I've had to do it sometimes too.
Speaker 4: There's just no other place to go to get the
Speaker 4: dog food and you need it. But I think pet
Speaker 4: Smart was in on this. It's great again, another great
Speaker 4: PR move. I want whoever is on her team on
Speaker 4: my team. I have a great team. But I mean
Speaker 4: like I think, like, yes, these are people that I
Speaker 4: would employ.
Speaker 1: You'd fire a regular team if you could have one.
Speaker 3: It's a good thing to do. Go, okay, let's spin
Speaker 3: this fifteen minutes. Now what can you do?
Speaker 4: And everyone like really is on your because now they're
Speaker 4: not on your side because you made a dirty joke
Speaker 4: and everyone's.
Speaker 3: Intrigued by you. And what this is like When people
Speaker 3: go like, oh, this is where our culture's at. The
Speaker 3: hook tool.
Speaker 4: Girl's famous, I'm like, it's the same when someone complains
Speaker 4: that there's traffic.
Speaker 3: I'm like, you're a part of it. Yeah, you are
Speaker 3: making this traffic.
Speaker 4: You watched the video, you know, you liked it and
Speaker 4: you like it's it's just you know, when someone goes
Speaker 4: like it's so crowded here, I'm like, but you're here too,
Speaker 4: so you're part of stumbed to k Blaine. It's like
Speaker 4: when people get mad about it. I understand commenting and
Speaker 4: being like, God, it sucks that it's crowded, but like
Speaker 4: to be like, what all these people doing here? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Well I think that sometimes when I'm driving down the
Speaker 1: street and I see all the cars driving in the
Speaker 1: opposite direction, and I'm like, where the fuck are all
Speaker 1: these people?
Speaker 4: I think I sometimes do, Yes, I do wonder, like
Speaker 4: where everyone is going. I wish I could have random
Speaker 4: information about people's.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I would love that if you could
Speaker 1: just scan a car. And it's like I'm going to
Speaker 1: the beach and I am with my sister, Essay.
Speaker 3: Is probably doing that.
Speaker 4: They're like, what would it be like to know everything
Speaker 4: about every person? Like when everyone lost their virginity, and they.
Speaker 3: Like have that now?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, I mean I now. The assumption is whenever
Speaker 1: I'm looking at the cars driving by and im when
Speaker 1: I'm like, where the fuck that they're going? Yeah, honestly,
Speaker 1: what I'm thinking is they don't need to be going there.
Speaker 1: I automatically think they don't need to Wherever they're going,
Speaker 1: it's not important, it doesn't matter. Meanwhile, I'm like driving
Speaker 1: to like get a candy or something, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: what are these people doing?
Speaker 4: I never think about other drivers, Like, I don't get
Speaker 4: mad at drivers almost ever. Do you often get mad
Speaker 4: at drivers?
Speaker 1: I'm not mad at them. I think I'm just like,
Speaker 1: I'm not mad at the people driving. I'm just like,
Speaker 1: why are you even trying to go? Where you're trying
Speaker 1: to go? I just assume everyone's doing something unimportant when
Speaker 1: they're probably all like saying, registered nurses going to the hospital,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, what are you even doing? Right?
Speaker 4: I often have that thing called sounder, where you like
Speaker 4: realize other people have deep internal lives, just as deep
Speaker 4: and interesting and complex as your own. Where you where
Speaker 4: you go like, oh my god, every single person. But
Speaker 4: I don't think they all, do, you know?
Speaker 1: I think some people kind of.
Speaker 3: Are just like du.
Speaker 4: Their brains aren't doing much. They're not like struggling with things, and.
Speaker 1: I think it's about half. I think about half the
Speaker 1: people are just like I just don't even Have you
Speaker 1: ever heard someone say like, I don't really have any thoughts,
Speaker 1: I don't really think about Have you ever heard someone
Speaker 1: say something like that, No, I don't think so much.
Speaker 1: Like if you said, what do you think about this person.
Speaker 3: David conversation on the show?
Speaker 4: Like I feel like that's the kind of thing someone
Speaker 4: would say on that show, and you go, what do
Speaker 4: you mean you don't have thoughts?
Speaker 3: No, I've never heard that.
Speaker 1: I think there are some people who go through their
Speaker 1: day and they're not really thinking about much.
Speaker 4: Well, I do agree with that, but I don't I
Speaker 4: know that I've ever heard someone say I don't think
Speaker 4: about much.
Speaker 1: Well, like if you ask someone what do you think
Speaker 1: about this national anthem? And then they'll go, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't really didn't really think.
Speaker 4: Yeah, just people that don't seem to have much of
Speaker 4: an opinion and don't seem to like, oh, I just
Speaker 4: don't really meddle in those kinds of things, like you know,
Speaker 4: what are you talking about?
Speaker 1: But you can meet those people for a functioning society.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I.
Speaker 4: I really, you know, I was on this track of
Speaker 4: like not talking shit about anyone, or not gossiping, or
Speaker 4: just not just saying things about people that I wouldn't
Speaker 4: say to their face for a while, or at least
Speaker 4: trying to, and I got really got away from it
Speaker 4: because it's just it's almost impossible not to bond with
Speaker 4: people by talking shit about other people. And I find
Speaker 4: it's just not talking shit and being like, don't you
Speaker 4: hate them, but like, you know, another version of hate,
Speaker 4: which is like making fun of them or whatever, or
Speaker 4: being you know, I don't think I do it as
Speaker 4: much because I definitely think that period where I was
Speaker 4: trying not to taught me that.
Speaker 3: Some of it's just not that fun. But I still
Speaker 3: I think I let it back in my life a
Speaker 3: little bit. It's kind of make fun of you.
Speaker 1: You've been trying to avoid it for the last You've
Speaker 1: been saying like, I'm trying to avoid it, and it
Speaker 1: is like it is somewhat poisonous to yourself.
Speaker 4: But man, it's like so what like, but people can
Speaker 4: make fun of me, and if I'm allowing that, then
Speaker 4: I I should be able to make fun of them.
Speaker 4: I really, you can make fun of me you can
Speaker 4: talk shit about me. Any comedians that want to like
Speaker 4: pull up my stuff and go like, look, how cringe
Speaker 4: this is. I just have at it because I want
Speaker 4: to do it to you too.
Speaker 3: Is that okay?
Speaker 4: Is that a fair exchange if I offer it myself
Speaker 4: to be mocked behind my back mercer, I.
Speaker 1: Think it's a fair exchange. Yeah, And I think you
Speaker 1: know what, you can't control it anyways, see of mine
Speaker 1: as It's like people believe that if they don't talk shit,
Speaker 1: they're like spreading joy and happiness in the world, and
Speaker 1: that's going to make a difference, and it really doesn't.
Speaker 1: Other than the fact that does. It's not going to
Speaker 1: like you're not to start in a movement by uh
Speaker 1: not talking shit about other people.
Speaker 3: I think it can't.
Speaker 4: It's a little no because I was actually inspired by
Speaker 4: my friend who I was trying to talk shit about
Speaker 4: someone around and he was like, I just really am
Speaker 4: not like into talking about people that like talking, you know,
Speaker 4: making fun of people behind their backs, and it would
Speaker 4: like shocked me. And that's was the first time I
Speaker 4: was like, maybe I should do that. So I do
Speaker 4: think it does affect change, But I know what you're saying,
Speaker 4: like in the scheme of things, just you can't control it.
Speaker 4: So but I I just don't know, Like if it's
Speaker 4: it's just not good for your bottom line, send me
Speaker 4: out like negative energy. I should just much more be
Speaker 4: always thinking positive. Like this documentary I watched over the
Speaker 4: weekend about the boy in Harry Potter who was Harry
Speaker 4: Potter's stunt double, that I didn't get to the story
Speaker 4: the other day. I don't think he was.
Speaker 3: Paralyzed from the waist down, and or maybe I did
Speaker 3: say this.
Speaker 4: Forgive me if I'm repeating myself, but because I've been
Speaker 4: telling people the story because I was so inspired by it.
Speaker 3: He was on the set of Harry Potter.
Speaker 4: They were planning for the seventh final Harry Potter movie,
Speaker 4: and he'd been on he had been Harry's stunt double
Speaker 4: the whole time for six movies. Seventh third in pre production,
Speaker 4: he does a stunt, things go wrong, he gets paralyzed,
Speaker 4: and he was like, he's really good friends with Daniel Radcliffe.
Speaker 3: And this is a documentary called The Boy Who Lived
Speaker 3: on HBO.
Speaker 1: Aw it's really good.
Speaker 4: But he once he gets paralyzed, and he was such
Speaker 4: an active person. I mean, he was a stunt man.
Speaker 4: He was like a stunt kid, Like his whole life
Speaker 4: was doing stunt work and like moving around and then
Speaker 4: suddenly he's paralyzed. He said he was allergic to negativity.
Speaker 4: He was like, I don't let any end. He was like, literally,
Speaker 4: if something there's a negative vibe or someone has a
Speaker 4: negative he was like, I have to get away from
Speaker 4: it because it's just like because he knows the poison
Speaker 4: of it, especially for someone in his position where like
Speaker 4: he can't distract himself if a negative thought comes in,
Speaker 4: like he has to avoid it, like an alcoholic would
Speaker 4: avoid drinking alcohol.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but that's kind of unhealthy too, to be like
Speaker 1: I can't even be around negativity. And it's also kind
Speaker 1: of like, well, sometimes negative things happen and you have
Speaker 1: to like accept that. I acknowledge that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I agree with you, but I'm just saying, like
Speaker 4: stuff that doesn't need when you don't need it, when
Speaker 4: when someone just has bad energy getting them out, like, yes, you'd.
Speaker 1: Have to, it's good. It's a bad look. It's a
Speaker 1: bad look. Also if you're like doing it all the
Speaker 1: time and people are like I don't know what to
Speaker 1: deal with this person, Like why are they like this,
Speaker 1: but like every once in a while you got to
Speaker 1: you do drugs, you know, and it's like talking shit
Speaker 1: drug spending a night talking shit about everybody. It is
Speaker 1: like doing a coke yeah, one.
Speaker 4: Or four or five, you know, like, yeah, sometimes you
Speaker 4: just gotta lean into being a little bit bad.
Speaker 3: I love being bad. Yeah, what did I say the
Speaker 3: other day?
Speaker 4: I was like I had to do this thing because
Speaker 4: and someone goes, why do you do that? And I go,
Speaker 4: because I don't shop lift anymore?
Speaker 3: And this is where I get that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh oh, I know what it was.
Speaker 4: It was like I was talking about Rachel Finestein and
Speaker 4: I were talking about being add and how we won't
Speaker 4: screw the lids on things fully even though we are
Speaker 4: mid screw and we could, we just don't because we
Speaker 4: almost want to, like fuck with ourselves, like we almost
Speaker 4: want to, like we don't deserve a full screwed on lid,
Speaker 4: or like there's some kind of challenge and like, Okay, yeah,
Speaker 4: if I hit that, it's gonna go everywhere.
Speaker 3: But I'm not gonna hit it. I'm gonna actually give
Speaker 3: myself a chat like.
Speaker 1: Dot I've noticed this actually on like a die a
Speaker 1: coke bottle you won't screw it on and I look
Speaker 1: at it and I'm like, oh my god, I do.
Speaker 3: It all the time.
Speaker 2: I do it.
Speaker 4: I won't zip things, I won't close drawers, I won't
Speaker 4: close cabinets.
Speaker 3: I won't.
Speaker 4: Yes, And it's really and I could, I really could,
Speaker 4: And there are times where I just go Noh.
Speaker 1: I think this.
Speaker 4: I don't want to give away what I said is
Speaker 4: the like the shoplifting thing, because there's this other really
Speaker 4: gross thing that I do where I like test the
Speaker 4: limits of like almost dying, like just doing something really weird,
Speaker 4: and it really is because I'm just like I need
Speaker 4: to feel the adrenaline of the risk.
Speaker 3: But I think the lid thing is maybe not the same.
Speaker 4: That I feel like is a low self esteem thing
Speaker 4: where it's like I don't deserve to have nice things.
Speaker 4: So like I have this really nice cream that I
Speaker 4: should like wipe it off and make it look nice,
Speaker 4: but like it's I'm embarrassed I even have this and
Speaker 4: I shouldn't have this, and so I got to make
Speaker 4: it look like shit because I'm a fraud and like
Speaker 4: I don't like my I think that I have this
Speaker 4: the well I've talked about on the podcast years ago.
Speaker 4: But like, I feel like everything I owned is stained somehow,
Speaker 4: like nothing I get ever doesn't get like have some
Speaker 4: kind of defect in it, which is it's dumb, because
Speaker 4: I will find it everything has some kind of is different.
Speaker 4: Even if things are perfectly made to be different, there's
Speaker 4: going to be defects, and I'll always find that, and
Speaker 4: I'll always think it's a reason why I'm less than
Speaker 4: Have you ever done that?
Speaker 2: Does that?
Speaker 1: No, Because I'm the opposite of that. I'm a perfectionist
Speaker 1: and everything needs to be like perfect around me, and
Speaker 1: any any sort of error or miscalculation or something like
Speaker 1: that needs to be corrected instantaneously or else. I feel
Speaker 1: probably how you feel when it's perfect.
Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, but.
Speaker 4: I am a perfectionist when it comes to like my
Speaker 4: performance or like when I really when I'm trying, it
Speaker 4: needs to be perfect. And I think that's why I
Speaker 4: don't try, because if I even tried, I know that
Speaker 4: cleaning this bathroom to make it perfect, yeah, be so
Speaker 4: much work. So don't give anything because now you're not
Speaker 4: failing yourself.
Speaker 3: You're just not like you're not a failure. You just
Speaker 3: don't care.
Speaker 1: Right, Well, that's why you're Maybe that's why you're a
Speaker 1: three and you supposedly I still think there's a seven
Speaker 1: in there. But you're a three because you're your care
Speaker 1: when other people are watching you, Like if someone was
Speaker 1: watch if you were if someone was filming you do
Speaker 1: your bathroom routine, I bet you'd screw all the lids
Speaker 1: on perfectly.
Speaker 3: No, it depends on what I was trying to capture.
Speaker 4: If I was trying to be like do a product review, yeah,
Speaker 4: I would try to make the product look nice. But
Speaker 4: if it was trying at this point in my life,
Speaker 4: I'm like, I kind of am comfortable with who I
Speaker 4: am on camera, but I if a guy that I liked, yeah,
Speaker 4: that I was trying to like seduce someone or like
Speaker 4: have if Jennifer Anison was watching a video of like
Speaker 4: someone who I wanted them to think I was a clean,
Speaker 4: neat person.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: The general public, I think they kind of know who
Speaker 4: I am now, or at least I'm not interested in
Speaker 4: like convincing them I'm otherwise.
Speaker 3: But yeah, I think you're right.
Speaker 4: When I know I'm being watched, I probably if I'm
Speaker 4: on a date, I'm chewing with my mouth closed, yep,
Speaker 4: and I I just the fact that I don't know
Speaker 4: if I chew with my mouth closed is not a
Speaker 4: good sign that I do.
Speaker 3: So I don't think I do normally.
Speaker 4: Like I think I'm a pretty gross eater, but I'm
Speaker 4: also like, I hope I don't offend anyone with my eating.
Speaker 4: But if someone is like, wow, Nicky's does, it doesn't
Speaker 4: affect like I'm not a bad person because I'm a
Speaker 4: gross eater.
Speaker 3: I don't think I'm doing it being like I don't
Speaker 3: care if you're offended, Like that would be weird.
Speaker 1: Like if you're in a work meeting and you have
Speaker 1: a bunch of subordinates surrounding you and you're just like
Speaker 1: spitting lettuce out into the table and stuff like that,
Speaker 1: I think that would be a bad person move to
Speaker 1: do because no one can do anything about it. It's
Speaker 1: just like, yes, God, these meetings are excruciating, Nicki's just
Speaker 1: spitting lettuce at us for an hour.
Speaker 4: No, I really try to be I think most of
Speaker 4: the ti I'm a pretty like trying not to ever
Speaker 4: cause a stir or like be an inconvenience to other
Speaker 4: people in public. I think that's just you know, even
Speaker 4: when I'm with people and they like quietly pay something
Speaker 4: on their phone. They're showing me something like of someone
Speaker 4: I'm with, Yeah, and like horrified if it's ever above
Speaker 4: a volume that a person nearby could hear.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I wonder how to how to make
Speaker 1: sense of that, because that's like politeness and you actually
Speaker 1: caring about other people, like other people's thoughts about you.
Speaker 1: But then also you you don't care if.
Speaker 4: You care about that, because I would fucking hate to
Speaker 4: listen to the volume, Like I'm not caring about them
Speaker 4: being like when I'm when I'm keeping my volume low,
Speaker 4: I'm not like, Wow, they're gonna think I'm I'm a
Speaker 4: good person.
Speaker 3: They're gonna like approve of me.
Speaker 4: It's so that they won't be like in hell listening
Speaker 4: to someone's like speakerphone out of context.
Speaker 3: Now, let me say this, this is this has proves
Speaker 3: my point.
Speaker 4: Now, if I'm in an uber and I'm on a
Speaker 4: phone call or something, or let's say I'm having a
Speaker 4: conversation in the backseat and I'm like, we're talking too
Speaker 4: loud and we're kind of being annoying, like the volume,
Speaker 4: and I'm.
Speaker 3: Guessing the driver doesn't like it.
Speaker 4: If the conversation is juicy yeah, I keep it going
Speaker 4: because I know that now I've made something that would
Speaker 4: otherwise be annoying. Pretty like, at least I'm giving them
Speaker 4: a show.
Speaker 1: Yeah, podcast.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And if I was listening to something on my
Speaker 4: phone that I was thought might annoy people, if it
Speaker 4: was something that was very clearly funny.
Speaker 3: I can't even think of an example of what that
Speaker 3: would be.
Speaker 4: Maybe that girl singing the national anthem, in which there
Speaker 4: would be context for them, I would play it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but yeah, it's I just.
Speaker 4: Oh, yeah, that poor girl. Well have fun in rehab.
Speaker 4: I want to do something so embarrassing and then just
Speaker 4: go I have to go to rehab.
Speaker 1: How many times do you think you could do it?
Speaker 1: How many times could you How many mistakes in life
Speaker 1: can you make where you can say gonna go to rehab?
Speaker 4: I think you can keep going. I mean, if you're
Speaker 4: a true addict, you I mean addicts just be addicting.
Speaker 4: You know they will repeatly, But at.
Speaker 1: A certain point the public will tire of you going
Speaker 1: or making a mistake and going to rehab.
Speaker 4: The public doesn't give a fuck about it. You can't
Speaker 4: ever count on the public. No, you get one shot
Speaker 4: with the public, maybe one show you get one redemption
Speaker 4: and it's hilarious that we found we didn't know who
Speaker 4: this girl was, and we're already redeeming. But it is
Speaker 4: an interesting because you cannot make fun of someone who
Speaker 4: is claiming to be an addict. It's a perfect out
Speaker 4: and it makes all it makes all us look like assholes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and hey, Joe Biden says, everyone's got has a
Speaker 1: bad night something?
Speaker 3: Yeah, everyone was that his one bad night of his life?
Speaker 1: That was the one?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, we all have a bad night.
Speaker 4: I mean, I will say not not to speak of
Speaker 4: the debate, but I think that, yeah, I don't really
Speaker 4: let myself out bad nights, but they do happen.
Speaker 3: The other night, I got off stage early. Whoa because
Speaker 3: I did two shows.
Speaker 4: And the thing about two show nights is that you
Speaker 4: would think that you could differentiate the two shows. But
Speaker 4: because I do just such a mishmasher material and no
Speaker 4: show is ever the same, I like, forget which if
Speaker 4: I've told the joke already in that show or the
Speaker 4: show before. When it gets to around the thirty minute mark,
Speaker 4: I just start going like, whoa ever? The show is
Speaker 4: just one big show now and now am I gonna
Speaker 4: be repeating material, so now I have to do stuff
Speaker 4: I haven't even done tonight. But then that's a challenge
Speaker 4: because now it's just like so anyway, I'm in, I'm
Speaker 4: well into the second show.
Speaker 3: This is in Columbus.
Speaker 4: If you're at the Columbus second show, I gave you
Speaker 4: a shorter show than you deserve. But I didn't know
Speaker 4: that I was, and I had so much more material
Speaker 4: to do. But I was given like a very definitive
Speaker 4: like they if we if we keep the lights on
Speaker 4: past this minute, you have to spend twenty five hundred dollars,
Speaker 4: Like there was a talking show beforehand. No, it was
Speaker 4: a it was a theater, but they had really strict
Speaker 4: union rules, and so it was gonna be twenty five
Speaker 4: hundred dollars if I went past this one minute. And
Speaker 4: I thought the minute was approaching within three minutes, so
Speaker 4: I just instead of going into another bit, I just
Speaker 4: was like, I'll just get off now, And that was
Speaker 4: like the right thing to do, but it wasn't because
Speaker 4: I was supposed to be lit at that time, so
Speaker 4: I really had thirteen minutes to play with and or
Speaker 4: maybe more twenty three, like I got off at forty
Speaker 4: two minutes, which is no. Forty five unheard of for me,
Speaker 4: unheard of. But I will say no one complained. No,
Speaker 4: it's a great amount of time. It was a late show.
Speaker 4: Is a nine point thirty show probably.
Speaker 1: Started to ten.
Speaker 4: People were dying to get out of there, so it
Speaker 4: didn't bother anyone. I did all of my stuff that
Speaker 4: I wanted to do. I wasn't like, you know, harboring
Speaker 4: something that I was like, Oh, I guess they're not
Speaker 4: gonna get this joke. But if you were at that
Speaker 4: show and you want to go to a show of
Speaker 4: mine for free at some point, just tell me what
Speaker 4: show you want to go do and then like show
Speaker 4: your ticket, like screenshot your ticket and DM it to me,
Speaker 4: and I'll like give you a mean like a free
Speaker 4: not meeting great, but a free ticket to any show
Speaker 4: you want to Because I.
Speaker 3: Feel bad, I mean, I don't think.
Speaker 1: I think is actually pretty typical for a lot of
Speaker 1: headline I.
Speaker 2: Know it is.
Speaker 4: It is that there's nothing wrong about doing it. No
Speaker 4: one was upset, and no one even wrote anything afterwards.
Speaker 4: But to me, I was like, oh no, and I
Speaker 4: like really couldn't shake it. And then I was just
Speaker 4: like Nope, You're not gonna let this ruin your night.
Speaker 4: Like you just did two shows, you would have easy
Speaker 4: week of work. You should just be able to eat
Speaker 4: your pizza and celebrate and not like be like, oh
Speaker 4: my god, I can't believe I did forty five, which
Speaker 4: I did do I let I told a meal in
Speaker 4: Matt and I was like, just let me because they
Speaker 4: were like, it's fine.
Speaker 3: I go, I know, it's fine.
Speaker 4: I just need to beat myself up for three more minutes.
Speaker 4: That's it, and then I won't say then I will
Speaker 4: literally forgive myself.
Speaker 3: And then I did.
Speaker 4: And then after that three minutes, I was just like,
Speaker 4: I'm done, and I'm like, you didn't mean to. You
Speaker 4: are gonna make it right on your podcast and tell
Speaker 4: those people that you will refund them or not refund them,
Speaker 4: but give them another free ticket. And also, who gives
Speaker 4: a fuck in the scheme of things, It's okay forgive yourself.
Speaker 4: So I was just like, I let myself up with
Speaker 4: the hook and I ate my pizza and I had
Speaker 4: a good night.
Speaker 3: We'll be right back after this. All right, we're back, Brian.
Speaker 3: What's been happening in your world? My word up?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I mean I'm one month away from having no
Speaker 1: gall bladder, and uh, so far so good. If anyone
Speaker 1: was wondering, oh.
Speaker 4: I was like, I thought you were like, in one month,
Speaker 4: it'll totally dissent. Great, And I'm like, they put some
Speaker 4: kind of acid into it that.
Speaker 1: It's like, so what they do is when you drink
Speaker 1: an acid and it goes right into your gallbladder and
Speaker 1: over the course of a month, that starts to disintegrate
Speaker 1: ten percent of the time.
Speaker 3: But what's life like without a goll bladder? Like, is
Speaker 3: there a difference not really getting crazy pain?
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I'm not having horrible attacks in my fear
Speaker 1: of eating. I've been eating some fatty foods. I've been eating,
Speaker 1: you know, chicken palm and stuff like that, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: totally fine. So I feel great. If anybody is thinking
Speaker 1: about getting their gall bladder moved, even if it's just
Speaker 1: to lose weight, I think I highly recommend it. It's amazing.
Speaker 1: I really wait, really, you can lose what is it
Speaker 1: three ounces by like.
Speaker 4: The weight of the gall bladder. Yeah, don't joke about that, dude.
Speaker 4: People will be like, what, I can lose weight, but
Speaker 4: taking on an organ.
Speaker 1: I also have been losing weight ever since I did it,
Speaker 1: like on purpose, I've been like dieting and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to eat out. I want to be the
Speaker 1: healthiest I've ever been. My golf for the rest of
Speaker 1: the year is I want to be the healthiest I've
Speaker 1: ever been. I was telling you about this in the car.
Speaker 1: I've discovered this like rich person thing called health spas
Speaker 1: that I had no idea existed, and I went to
Speaker 1: a health spa. Basically, if you ever go to the
Speaker 1: doctor and you're like, I want to know if I
Speaker 1: have like the proper vitamin B levels. I want to
Speaker 1: test my blood for to see if I have this
Speaker 1: like genetic predisposition to whatever disease, Alzheimer's or something like that.
Speaker 1: Your doctor won't do it for you. Yeah, they'll say
Speaker 1: there's no reason to do it. You're not in the
Speaker 1: Even if you wanted like a colonoscopy, they'll be like,
Speaker 1: we can't do it, it's not appropriate. But if you're rich,
Speaker 1: you can do whatever you want. And so there are
Speaker 1: these places called health spas where you just go in
Speaker 1: there and you say, I want to get my blood
Speaker 1: tested for all micronutrients. I want to get a full
Speaker 1: genetic profile, and they're like, give me money and I'll
Speaker 1: do it for you. And so I went to this
Speaker 1: health spa and I got a full micronutrient blood profile.
Speaker 3: How much is that?
Speaker 1: That was six hundred and ninety nine dollars?
Speaker 3: And then do you have a membership fee as well
Speaker 3: to join to the spa?
Speaker 1: No, but you can become a member if you want to,
Speaker 1: or you can do a la carte.
Speaker 3: So you did all a cart six ninety nine six.
Speaker 1: And you know, I'm kind of likesalitating in here?
Speaker 3: Are you like a fucking like?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I say this all the time, Like I don't
Speaker 1: spend money on clothes or watches or technology or anything
Speaker 1: like that. I will spend all my money on health stuff.
Speaker 1: So this to me is like the equivalent of going
Speaker 1: into like a Chanelle store if you're like a housewife.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's that's crazy to me. I didn't even cause
Speaker 4: you were telling me about it. I'm like, yeah, maybe
Speaker 4: I'll check it out. Like I don't do any of
Speaker 4: that stuff. I don't. I'm not really interested in finding
Speaker 4: Like I guess if something was wrong, I guess you
Speaker 4: feel sick, so you want to find answer. Sure, I
Speaker 4: don't feel sick.
Speaker 1: That's true. But also it's the difference between screwing that
Speaker 1: cap closed and leaving it open. I just want every
Speaker 1: number to be correct, right, and that's impossible and it
Speaker 1: won't actually happen. Yeah, but right. I'll never leave that
Speaker 1: cap on screwed. I will. I will run through a
Speaker 1: war field to screw that pap and.
Speaker 4: I'll address the lotion spilling out when it spills. I'm
Speaker 4: not gonna like prematurely.
Speaker 3: Cap it in.
Speaker 1: That's right. But that being said, you should get your
Speaker 1: standard screenings.
Speaker 3: I know I should.
Speaker 1: If you want to, if you want to have that analogy,
Speaker 1: be truly like, you should get don't wait for the
Speaker 1: cream to squirt out of the cab or whatever you
Speaker 1: do for some things. Oh god, I know.
Speaker 3: I was just reading a book actually about.
Speaker 1: It.
Speaker 4: Wasn't about it, but it's fiction. It's Miranda July. It's
Speaker 4: called On All Fours, and it's about this woman going
Speaker 4: through perimenopause, which is the next thing in my life
Speaker 4: that will happen probably forty five I think, like so
Speaker 4: in the next five years, but it can happen even earlier.
Speaker 4: And it's just so fucked man. And I've heard Naomi
Speaker 4: Watts talking about it menopause on something, and she said
Speaker 4: that it's so interesting that we give so much compassion
Speaker 4: to like young girls who and young boys who are
Speaker 4: going through puberty, but like women who go through this
Speaker 4: gigantic hormonal shift.
Speaker 3: It's just like no one talks about it. It's just
Speaker 3: only shameful. Not that people really talk about puberty.
Speaker 4: Puberty is also very shameful, but there's there's at least
Speaker 4: like people know that kids, that teenage girls are crazy
Speaker 4: and emotional, and like then women in their fifties it's
Speaker 4: just like, oh, but you know, this is cute when
Speaker 4: we're about to want to fuck you, but right now,
Speaker 4: no one wants.
Speaker 3: To fuck This is just annoying to that change.
Speaker 1: You have puberty, and then you have periods, which everybody
Speaker 1: makes fun of too, Like every stand up comedian in
Speaker 1: the world has made a joke about periods, and then
Speaker 1: you go through menopause, which also a lot of comedians
Speaker 1: make fun of. But I wonder if that postmenopausal life
Speaker 1: is uh is good? Has that that's what I've heard?
Speaker 4: Yeah, there were there were some positives that came out
Speaker 4: of the book talking about it, but where it's kind
Speaker 4: of the thing I talk about in my special where
Speaker 4: you just give up and you just stop carrying what
Speaker 4: everyone thinks and you can kind of just do what
Speaker 4: you want because you don't suffer fools anymore. Yeah, I
Speaker 4: think a lack of suffering fools is one of the
Speaker 4: the best parts of going through menopause. But yeah, it
Speaker 4: seems pretty rough and I can't. I mean, I'm are
Speaker 4: that could explain even my mood swings now, like I
Speaker 4: could be in it now, who the fuck yeah even knows.
Speaker 1: That's the most fucked up thing about like birth control
Speaker 1: and stuff that men I really don't think truly grasp
Speaker 1: that you have to take a pill or whatever you
Speaker 1: do every day and it like really fucks with you
Speaker 1: in ways that you don't understand, like a man doesn't understand.
Speaker 4: I thank god I'm not on it, but I probably
Speaker 4: should be. Like my hormones are totally out of line
Speaker 4: and all my friends are on some kind of cream. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I've had to like rub creams on my thighs, like
Speaker 4: just hormone cream. Like it's coming for you girls, if
Speaker 4: you're not there yet, it's a coming. Yeah, where you're
Speaker 4: gonna have to like balance your foremones. So you even
Speaker 4: want to do anything the way you ever wanted to
Speaker 4: do it, if you want to eat even remember or
Speaker 4: have like a little inkling of what your former self
Speaker 4: used to.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, yeah, no, I don't want to do that, but.
Speaker 3: You got to do it.
Speaker 4: And that's the thing about going to this hell spot, like,
Speaker 4: oh god, that stresses me out, Like you're going in there,
Speaker 4: like yes.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, yes. I When I saw that list
Speaker 1: of things you could buy, I was like, I'm so
Speaker 1: happy I found out this existed. I had no idea
Speaker 1: I'm sitting there to get bad results. Well, I got
Speaker 1: my results back for the micronutrients, and now I made
Speaker 1: a mistake I took. I got the blood test two
Speaker 1: weeks after I got my gall bladder out, which is
Speaker 1: like the dumbest thing you could possibly.
Speaker 3: Do, because your body is like still figuring out what
Speaker 3: to do with that.
Speaker 1: Everything, popping pills, taking pets. Right, I've been eating saltine
Speaker 1: crackers exclusively saltine crackers for two months. Okay, and I
Speaker 1: got your blood tests. What was I thinking? Six hundred
Speaker 1: ninety nine dollars? But I get the results back and
Speaker 1: they were mostly good. Oh even whip.
Speaker 2: There was.
Speaker 1: There was a few things that were low. My selenium
Speaker 1: is low. A couple of amino acids were low. But like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, you got to get those aminos. But for
Speaker 1: but for someone who was like in the worst possible
Speaker 1: state you could possibly be, and you just got laparoscopic
Speaker 1: surgery and organ removed, and you've been eating exclusively saltine
Speaker 1: crackers for two months for my nutrients to be good.
Speaker 1: Why saltines because they're low fat. I was, I have
Speaker 1: to eat a low fat diet for in order to
Speaker 1: avoid it.
Speaker 3: Timet it. I was even things that are low fat.
Speaker 1: By the way, I couldn't think of anything. I kept
Speaker 1: trying to think. I kept brainstorming at all squalk.
Speaker 3: Through the aisles, and you look at any packaging that's green.
Speaker 1: I didn't think of that.
Speaker 3: That was like the nineties color of no fat, low fat.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm not gonna eat fruits and stuff like that,
Speaker 1: like a banana, and you know, all right.
Speaker 4: But you're relatively healthy. So what's the next test you're
Speaker 4: going to get to prove to yourself that there's something
Speaker 4: wrong with you.
Speaker 1: So yeah, so that's two months now, a month from now,
Speaker 1: which will be two months away from getting the gall
Speaker 1: bladder aut I will do the micro nutrient test again
Speaker 1: because I think my results will be even better.
Speaker 3: Final thought, Wait, you're going to go back and have
Speaker 3: the same exact test. What do you want?
Speaker 4: What do you want to get out of this? Do
Speaker 4: you just get this test every six months to keep
Speaker 4: proving to yourself? Or are you going to add more tests?
Speaker 4: Is it going to get boring if you stabilize? How
Speaker 4: are you going to achieve this new healthy Brian? Like,
Speaker 4: what's really going to change in your life?
Speaker 1: Well, it's diet. You know I've been at I have
Speaker 1: been eating very well ever since I got the surgery
Speaker 1: and my smoothie, you know, like if if I was
Speaker 1: low on vitamin B for example, like if.
Speaker 3: It came back eat very well. What are you not
Speaker 3: eating now? That was like such a problem before.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I thought that's not a big kit
Speaker 1: cat bar. Yeah, So like I mean, I'll.
Speaker 3: Go back cookie. Can you get one of those?
Speaker 2: Still?
Speaker 1: I haven't eaten one since.
Speaker 3: No sugars.
Speaker 1: No, I'm not going to try to.
Speaker 4: Get the healthiest ever. Like you got to get rid
Speaker 4: of sugar, you got to get rid of wheat.
Speaker 2: You gotta.
Speaker 1: I'm not doing any of that, but like you're not.
Speaker 1: If the results came back and said you're low with
Speaker 1: vitamin B, which is a common low vitamin thing and
Speaker 1: people feel tired and stuff, then I would get I
Speaker 1: would start taking a multivitamin or a vitamin B injection
Speaker 1: from the health spot. I'm surprised they don't lie until
Speaker 1: you have all these problems that they can inject you
Speaker 1: with things for you're just taking.
Speaker 3: A selenium supplement right now.
Speaker 1: I believe I can raise my selenium on my own.
Speaker 1: I mean, I know it sounds hard, but I just
Speaker 1: got to eat my selena. I don't know where to gas.
Speaker 3: I don't even know what to get checked though.
Speaker 1: Well you know what your regular screenings need to be, right.
Speaker 3: Tits assus that's right?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 1: Dentist?
Speaker 3: Dentists, Yeah, dentist. I'm I'm dentists.
Speaker 1: And there's one more that you're forgetting that people completely ignore.
Speaker 1: It's insane, but well yeah you you. I guess once
Speaker 1: you ears, you don't. No one really checks the ear
Speaker 1: untilase start losing hearing. No but blood, no what your skin?
Speaker 1: You need to go to a dermatologist once a year
Speaker 1: to get a check you need to get everything that removed.
Speaker 3: That's the organ I want to get rid of. Yeah,
Speaker 3: that's a good point.
Speaker 4: Resent full of dermatologists at this point, though, because I
Speaker 4: went in to have a thing checked and she was
Speaker 4: just like, no, that's nothing, and then charges me hundreds
Speaker 4: of dollars just to no, that's nothing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's like your little test you just got. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you wanted to see something. You wanted to hear some action.
Speaker 1: I mean, no, I'm happy that it was. I mean
Speaker 1: I did get some action. That's selenium things.
Speaker 4: Going to look over your whole naked body to look
Speaker 4: for any kind of suspicious access exactly. And then what
Speaker 4: if I feel like there's I look at my whole body,
Speaker 4: there's no moles that are changing or moving, or.
Speaker 1: There might be places that you don't see, like looking
Speaker 1: into on your butt or something like that, Like there
Speaker 1: might be like, oh, look, there's one right in the
Speaker 1: middle of your back you never saw.
Speaker 3: So they're getting in your butt cracked to look.
Speaker 1: They're going to look in my butt crack, they'll look
Speaker 1: in your scalp, they'll look Okay, fine, I could do that,
Speaker 1: they'll I mean, it's it's good. I mean, if if
Speaker 1: you don't have literally and a single mole on your body,
Speaker 1: then I guess you don't have to go. But it's
Speaker 1: good to get in the habit of going and just
Speaker 1: getting looked over. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I don't know why I'm fighting it. I don't know
Speaker 3: why I'm fighting it.
Speaker 4: I'm getting my new car today, I think, and I
Speaker 4: figured out a way to get it where it's like
Speaker 4: I'm leasing it and Chris has worked it out so
Speaker 4: like I don't have.
Speaker 3: To go to the dealership.
Speaker 1: You can get a dealer.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and they just are letting me sign a thing.
Speaker 3: It's heaven. This is what I've wanted for so long.
Speaker 4: I hate sitting at the dealership and having to like
Speaker 4: sit there and talk while they fax.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's gonna be awesome. Yeah, that's like Carvana.
Speaker 1: Doesn't Carvana do that.
Speaker 3: I feel like I've died and gone there.
Speaker 4: No, I think that, Yeah they do, but I think
Speaker 4: they But then you get a car and it could
Speaker 4: be stinky. Uh huh. Because I got into I saw
Speaker 4: a car that I loved in the showroom at this place,
Speaker 4: and I was like, look at this big puppy. It
Speaker 4: was like the number one car. Like I'm looking in
Speaker 4: the windows, and I'm like, I love it. Oh my god,
Speaker 4: it's used too and it's like lightly used perfect.
Speaker 3: Get it. It smells so much like cigarette smoke. They
Speaker 3: can't get it out. But it's brand new.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you're not going to worry about anything. You
Speaker 1: just get it.
Speaker 4: I will say that it's a white interior and that
Speaker 4: it's dicey for me with all my spray tnds and makeup.
Speaker 1: Cap unscrewed half the way and the unscrewed caps.
Speaker 4: You're not joking, but I you know what, The white
Speaker 4: makes me feel cooler. It makes me feel like it's
Speaker 4: the person I want to be. And I felt the
Speaker 4: coolest in it, and I like the black exterior. And
Speaker 4: the other one was a white exterior with a black interior,
Speaker 4: and I was like, I really just I don't want
Speaker 4: to like air on the side of like, but you're
Speaker 4: too dirty to have a nice thing. So in the
Speaker 4: end this all comes around and I actually am getting
Speaker 4: the thing that I feel. I'm not going to mess
Speaker 4: up the thing that I think I'm not it's too
Speaker 4: nice for me to have. I'm actually gonna keep it nice.
Speaker 4: And I got the nicest version to like, and I
Speaker 4: have to get detailed quite often, so I'm gonna learn
Speaker 4: to treat it nice even though I'm lasing it.
Speaker 1: It's not really mine, so right exactly. That's the way
Speaker 1: to think about it is you're taking care of someone
Speaker 1: else's car.
Speaker 3: Oh okay, that's a that's good. I'm so much better
Speaker 3: if it's someone else's I would be.
Speaker 1: That will be someone else's car in three years.
Speaker 4: That's so beautiful. Yeah, okay, that's a really nice way
Speaker 4: to think about it. I'm gonna go drive someone else's
Speaker 4: car right now, I think.
Speaker 3: Thank you for listening to the podcast. I'll see you
Speaker 3: in Vegas this week.
Speaker 4: People who are coming to see me and David Spade
Speaker 4: at the Venetian in Vegas next weekend. Uh, and then
Speaker 4: we have shows I think I'm off the next weekend
Speaker 4: and then shows, so many shows, so many tour dates.
Speaker 4: Nikyplaser dot com, you know where to find them.
Speaker 3: Thank you guys so much for listening to the podcast.
Speaker 3: We love you so much. Don't be cut and bye.