1 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:14,480 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly 2 00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:19,320 Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small 3 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:22,480 Speaker 1: decisions we can make to become the best possible versions 4 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:26,639 Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr joy hard and Bradford, 5 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or 6 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:35,560 Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website 7 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:39,280 Speaker 1: at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While I hope 8 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:43,199 Speaker 1: you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it 9 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:46,400 Speaker 1: is not meant to be a substitute for relationship with 10 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:57,520 Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much 11 00:00:57,560 --> 00:01:00,280 Speaker 1: for joining me for session one seven of the Arapy 12 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:04,240 Speaker 1: for Black Girls podcast, and happy New Year. I hope 13 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:07,839 Speaker 1: that your is also an amazing start, and I'm really 14 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:09,720 Speaker 1: happy to hear that so many of you love the 15 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:13,400 Speaker 1: twenty questions we shared in the last episode. Will definitely 16 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:15,319 Speaker 1: be checking in on you throughout the year to see 17 00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:18,679 Speaker 1: what kind of progress you're making with your answers. I 18 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:20,920 Speaker 1: know that many of you are probably working on some 19 00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:24,200 Speaker 1: pretty big goals and dreams this year, things you've maybe 20 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:26,840 Speaker 1: been wanting to do for a while. And I heard 21 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:30,280 Speaker 1: a podcast recently that sparked my thoughts and the information 22 00:01:30,319 --> 00:01:33,520 Speaker 1: that I wanted to share with you today. So I 23 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,960 Speaker 1: was listening to the most recent episode of the Masses 24 00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:38,920 Speaker 1: of Scale podcast. It's definitely when you want to check 25 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:41,200 Speaker 1: out if you're an entrepreneur and you want to hear 26 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:44,000 Speaker 1: how others have been able to build and scale their businesses, 27 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:47,840 Speaker 1: and it featured a conversation with Sarah Blakeley of Spinks. 28 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:51,200 Speaker 1: She shared something that I thought could be an important 29 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:54,040 Speaker 1: message for many of you. She said that when she 30 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:57,000 Speaker 1: first had her idea for Spinx, she didn't talk to 31 00:01:57,080 --> 00:02:01,280 Speaker 1: anyone about it other than investors, man factors, and other 32 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:04,240 Speaker 1: people who could actually make the product happen for the 33 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,320 Speaker 1: first year because she didn't want to have to deal 34 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:11,160 Speaker 1: with the opinions and feedback of others. She shared that 35 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:14,640 Speaker 1: your idea is at its most vulnerable during that first year, 36 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:18,880 Speaker 1: which means that you have to protect it fiercely. Now, 37 00:02:18,919 --> 00:02:21,720 Speaker 1: it's absolutely common and expected that when you have a 38 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:25,000 Speaker 1: great idea that you're really excited about, you want to 39 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:27,400 Speaker 1: share it with the people closest to you, like your partner, 40 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:31,280 Speaker 1: your mother, or your best friend. But what sometimes happens 41 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:33,560 Speaker 1: when we have what we think is a brilliant idea 42 00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:37,000 Speaker 1: and we talked to Aunt Kathy about it. Aunt Kathy 43 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:40,079 Speaker 1: is like, um, okay, but how are you going to 44 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:43,240 Speaker 1: make money? And we start to question whether the idea 45 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:46,240 Speaker 1: is actually a good one. We doubt our abilities, and 46 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:49,240 Speaker 1: we get all in our heads. And that happens for 47 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:51,560 Speaker 1: a couple of reasons. And that's what I want to 48 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:55,320 Speaker 1: chat with you about today, Why sometimes others can't meet 49 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,920 Speaker 1: us in the space of our dreams, and what you 50 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:01,720 Speaker 1: can do to get support instead. Now, of course, the 51 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:04,880 Speaker 1: conversation with Sarah was all about entrepreneurship and having a 52 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:07,680 Speaker 1: big idea in terms of business, but I think this 53 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:10,240 Speaker 1: could apply to virtually any kind of dream we have 54 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:15,919 Speaker 1: for ourselves. So Number one, it's sometimes difficult for others 55 00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:19,120 Speaker 1: to jump all in with us on our dreams because 56 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,840 Speaker 1: it reminds them of a time when they couldn't go 57 00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 1: all in on their dreams. And it's important to note 58 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:28,600 Speaker 1: that this is mostly a subconscious kind of thing. Most 59 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,800 Speaker 1: people don't set out with the intention of being dream killers, 60 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:35,120 Speaker 1: but in that moment, the pain of what they've not 61 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:38,600 Speaker 1: yet been able to actualize becomes too difficult for them 62 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:41,560 Speaker 1: to tolerate, and the only way for them to minimize 63 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:44,320 Speaker 1: it is to talk you into thinking that your idea 64 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:49,920 Speaker 1: isn't good either. Number two, the second reason is sometimes 65 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,760 Speaker 1: difficult for others to go all in on our dreams 66 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:55,160 Speaker 1: is that there may not be a lot for them 67 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:57,520 Speaker 1: to be excited about in their own life at the 68 00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:00,720 Speaker 1: current moment, and so it's difficult for them to extend 69 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:04,960 Speaker 1: excitement to us. It doesn't necessarily mean that they're hating 70 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:08,160 Speaker 1: or rooting for our failure, but I can't lend you 71 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,680 Speaker 1: a cup of sugar if I'm all out of sugar. 72 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:14,480 Speaker 1: So sometimes the capacity is not there due to their 73 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:18,080 Speaker 1: own circumstances. It has nothing to do with the validity 74 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:24,600 Speaker 1: or possibility of your dream. And number three, sometimes it's 75 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,760 Speaker 1: difficult for others to meet us in the space of 76 00:04:26,839 --> 00:04:30,240 Speaker 1: our dreams because they simply don't have the context to 77 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:33,760 Speaker 1: join us there. If you came to me with an 78 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,680 Speaker 1: amazing idea about a new type of product that will 79 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:40,599 Speaker 1: revolutionize the way we learn math, there's only going to 80 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:43,360 Speaker 1: be so far I can get in the conversation with you. 81 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:47,679 Speaker 1: Because my knowledge in this area is limited, I'm likely 82 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:51,320 Speaker 1: to have more questions and confusion for you than support 83 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:54,720 Speaker 1: and encouragement. And when you first have a great idea, 84 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:58,840 Speaker 1: support and encouragement or what you need lots of now. 85 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,919 Speaker 1: Of course, at some point need to also need to 86 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:04,039 Speaker 1: figure out the rough edges. But those kinds of questions 87 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:07,120 Speaker 1: and challenges should come from someone who actually has the 88 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:10,720 Speaker 1: range and the depth of knowledge about your idea to 89 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:14,560 Speaker 1: actually make a difference, not someone who can't even meet 90 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:18,560 Speaker 1: you halfway. So what do you do with all this 91 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:21,640 Speaker 1: excitement and energy you have around your new dream? If 92 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:23,760 Speaker 1: you can't talk to the people closest to you, what 93 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:26,400 Speaker 1: can you do? Here are a couple of things that 94 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:31,240 Speaker 1: might help. Number One, spend as much time as you 95 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:34,440 Speaker 1: can doing the research about how to make your dream 96 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:38,599 Speaker 1: a reality. If pursuing an advanced degree is your dream, 97 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:42,839 Speaker 1: then start researching the areas you'd like to study. What 98 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:47,720 Speaker 1: schools offer these programs, What are the admissions requirements? Do 99 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:50,240 Speaker 1: you have everything you need to apply or is there 100 00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:53,200 Speaker 1: something you're missing? Maybe you need a couple of pre 101 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,920 Speaker 1: red classes, or you need to take the g r E. 102 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:59,080 Speaker 1: There's plenty of leg work that needs to be done 103 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:02,080 Speaker 1: once this dream comes to you, so channel all of 104 00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:08,400 Speaker 1: your excitement into doing that. Number two, find a coach 105 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:11,640 Speaker 1: or a mentor or someone who can help you to 106 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:14,599 Speaker 1: ask the questions you don't even know to ask it 107 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,960 Speaker 1: When you're starting out on a new adventure, there are 108 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:21,200 Speaker 1: some questions you know you need answers to and others 109 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:24,600 Speaker 1: you haven't even begun to think about. This is where 110 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:27,320 Speaker 1: you would want to find someone who has experienced either 111 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:30,680 Speaker 1: doing the thing you're interested in doing or something similar. 112 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:33,800 Speaker 1: And I want you to be diligent in making sure 113 00:06:33,839 --> 00:06:36,320 Speaker 1: that you're choosing the right person to get coached or 114 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:39,960 Speaker 1: mentored by. If we stick with our previous example of 115 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:43,359 Speaker 1: getting into an advanced degree program, if you're interested in 116 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:46,960 Speaker 1: becoming a psychologist, yes, someone who has been to law 117 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,799 Speaker 1: school might be able to tell you some things about 118 00:06:49,839 --> 00:06:52,479 Speaker 1: what it's like to apply for an advanced degree and 119 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:56,880 Speaker 1: the interview process, etcetera. But those two areas are also 120 00:06:57,080 --> 00:07:00,080 Speaker 1: vastly different, and so they will be limited in the 121 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,840 Speaker 1: amount of great information they can actually share with you. 122 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,520 Speaker 1: But if a lawyer is the only person you know 123 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:09,800 Speaker 1: with an advanced degree, maybe you can ask them if 124 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:13,520 Speaker 1: they know any psychologists they could connect you with, use 125 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:18,040 Speaker 1: your existing networks, and then have your networks use their networks. 126 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,760 Speaker 1: If there aren't any people you know in real life, 127 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:25,000 Speaker 1: to ask ask in your online communities. The Thrived Tribe, 128 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:28,040 Speaker 1: of course, is our Facebook group for our community, and 129 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,679 Speaker 1: they are all types assists there with of a wide 130 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:33,680 Speaker 1: variety of experiences, so it could be a great place 131 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,760 Speaker 1: to connect with someone who might have the level of 132 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:41,840 Speaker 1: experience that you're looking for. And number three, do the 133 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:46,400 Speaker 1: actual work of your dream. It's great to be excited 134 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,760 Speaker 1: and doing the research and finding a mentor, and all 135 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:52,560 Speaker 1: of those things will likely be integral to your success, 136 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:56,840 Speaker 1: but none of that will matter if you don't actually 137 00:07:56,880 --> 00:08:01,040 Speaker 1: do the work. You can find tune your list of schools, 138 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,960 Speaker 1: and a current PhD student can give you all of 139 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:07,080 Speaker 1: the five star tips they have, but if you don't 140 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:11,560 Speaker 1: actually complete the applications, send them in and show up 141 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 1: for the interviews, none of that will matter. So don't 142 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:17,960 Speaker 1: get so caught up in the excitement of your dream 143 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,720 Speaker 1: that you forget to actually do the work to make 144 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:25,760 Speaker 1: your dream come true. Now, you let me know what 145 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:28,360 Speaker 1: kinds of things have helped you to protect your dreams 146 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:31,440 Speaker 1: and what kinds of resources did you rely on to 147 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,800 Speaker 1: make your dreams come true. Share with us on social 148 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:39,280 Speaker 1: media using the hashtag TBG in session, and please be 149 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:41,559 Speaker 1: sure to share this episode with two of your girls 150 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:45,160 Speaker 1: so that they can weigh in as well. Remember that 151 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:47,960 Speaker 1: if you're looking for a therapist in your area, check 152 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:51,120 Speaker 1: out our therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot 153 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:55,120 Speaker 1: com slash directory. And if you want to continue digging 154 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:58,120 Speaker 1: into this topic and meet some other sisters in your area, 155 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:00,600 Speaker 1: come on over and join us in the Yellow Couch 156 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,520 Speaker 1: Collective where we take a deeper dive into the topics 157 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:06,880 Speaker 1: from the podcast and just about everything else. You can 158 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,880 Speaker 1: join us at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash 159 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:13,319 Speaker 1: y c C. Thank you all so much for joining 160 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:16,080 Speaker 1: me again this week. I look forward to continue in 161 00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:19,640 Speaker 1: this conversation with you all real soon. Take good care.