WEBVTT - Episode 420: Coach My Life, Please Pt. 1 (Feat. Chris GQ Perry) 0:00:01.680 --> 0:00:03.119 What APPX lip Service. 0:00:03.160 --> 0:00:06.840 I'm Angela Yee, I'm Gigi Maguire, I'm Stephanie Santiago, I'm. 0:00:06.760 --> 0:00:09.200 Laura Moa and it's Chris CQ Perry. 0:00:09.560 --> 0:00:12.560 Okay. First of all, Chris GQ Perry, I've been following 0:00:12.600 --> 0:00:15.240 you for quite a while and usually in the morning, 0:00:15.320 --> 0:00:17.000 I guess because I always look at what you have 0:00:17.079 --> 0:00:20.320 to say about relationships. It pops up on my timeline, 0:00:20.360 --> 0:00:22.400 like the first thing I opened on Instagram. It'll be 0:00:22.480 --> 0:00:25.160 like one of your posts. You know, always right away 0:00:25.200 --> 0:00:28.320 that positivity you need. It's like a daily information. 0:00:28.480 --> 0:00:30.960 Right So, Chris, let's talk about who you are, because 0:00:31.000 --> 0:00:34.120 you are a relationship coach, you're a best selling author, 0:00:34.600 --> 0:00:37.000 and you have your own show. So just give people 0:00:37.000 --> 0:00:38.040 a little bit of a background. 0:00:38.640 --> 0:00:41.159 Yep. So my book twenty four Reasons You Are Good 0:00:41.240 --> 0:00:43.600 Enough was pretty much just an idea of who I 0:00:43.600 --> 0:00:45.519 am and just talking about things that I've gone through 0:00:45.520 --> 0:00:47.239 to make me the person that I am, and that 0:00:47.280 --> 0:00:51.279 trickles into my relationship stuff because I feel like it's 0:00:51.360 --> 0:00:54.920 very important to love yourself before you can love anybody else. 0:00:55.000 --> 0:00:57.320 And that's what my book means to me and to 0:00:57.360 --> 0:00:59.080 the people that read it. I hope they feel the same, 0:00:59.400 --> 0:01:01.120 and then I, Yeah, I'm just a small town boy 0:01:01.200 --> 0:01:03.360 and I have my traditional values. My dad and my 0:01:03.400 --> 0:01:06.680 mom raised me. My dad was a very masculine, strong man, 0:01:06.800 --> 0:01:08.160 and he taught me how to be a man, how 0:01:08.200 --> 0:01:11.600 to lead, how to protect, how to provide. And I 0:01:11.600 --> 0:01:17.720 feel like in today's generation, we lack that the common 0:01:17.800 --> 0:01:21.480 values in relationships, and people are struggling so much to 0:01:21.560 --> 0:01:23.960 find a good man or a good woman because they 0:01:23.959 --> 0:01:26.280 don't understand their roles in a relationship. They don't understand 0:01:26.280 --> 0:01:28.760 how to be in healthy relationships. 0:01:28.920 --> 0:01:31.720 You think that is this generation? Like it's a newer phenomenon, 0:01:31.800 --> 0:01:34.080 because okay, and why do you think that is? 0:01:34.760 --> 0:01:35.600 Why do I think that is? 0:01:35.680 --> 0:01:37.840 Yeah, Like, why do you think that's happening in this generation? 0:01:40.560 --> 0:01:43.040 I honestly think it starts in the home. I don't 0:01:43.040 --> 0:01:45.240 think the man's in the home enough. We don't have enough, 0:01:45.760 --> 0:01:48.080 especially in the black community. The father's not in the 0:01:48.080 --> 0:01:51.520 house to build that structure. You see, A woman can 0:01:51.720 --> 0:01:58.120 can raise a boy, but if he doesn't see what 0:01:58.160 --> 0:01:59.960 he needs to do and what and what he ed 0:02:00.080 --> 0:02:02.200 A man has to do to love his mom correctly 0:02:02.200 --> 0:02:04.280 and what a man's role is he's not going to know. 0:02:04.600 --> 0:02:06.240 His mom can tell until he's blue in the face. 0:02:06.280 --> 0:02:07.680 This is what you're supposed to do. This is how 0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:09.839 you treat a woman. This is how you're a man 0:02:09.880 --> 0:02:11.480 and a provider. But if he doesn't see it, he 0:02:11.520 --> 0:02:13.400 doesn't know. He only knows what his mom shows him. 0:02:13.440 --> 0:02:16.440 And that's why I say this, and it's such it's 0:02:16.480 --> 0:02:19.800 so important when I say this, because men look for 0:02:19.880 --> 0:02:22.720 women that are like their mom. So men look for 0:02:22.880 --> 0:02:27.160 a woman that does everything for them and plays the 0:02:27.240 --> 0:02:27.920 role of their. 0:02:27.760 --> 0:02:32.520 Mom instead of how I feel about the man on 0:02:32.560 --> 0:02:34.240 the East Coast at least. 0:02:35.600 --> 0:02:38.000 But I don't feel like that about all men. 0:02:38.360 --> 0:02:38.880 Not all men. 0:02:39.160 --> 0:02:41.600 Even women take on the role of being nurturing too, 0:02:42.080 --> 0:02:46.560 because sometimes as women, like we maybe cater too much. 0:02:47.200 --> 0:02:48.480 Yes, I agree with that. 0:02:48.520 --> 0:02:51.720 I feel like women that I first go to when 0:02:51.760 --> 0:02:55.040 I'm with a man, my nursing side, like I want 0:02:55.040 --> 0:02:55.880 to take care of everything. 0:02:55.919 --> 0:02:57.640 Are you okay? Are you hungry? Maybe? 0:02:57.720 --> 0:03:01.440 She like we been on the back where Yeah, I feel. 0:03:01.240 --> 0:03:05.080 Like I'm definitely I'm a mother and I've been a 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:05.960 mother since sixteen. 0:03:06.120 --> 0:03:07.000 She has two sons. 0:03:07.040 --> 0:03:08.760 I have a twenty two year old and I have 0:03:09.160 --> 0:03:12.200 a twelve year old, so like that's just something organic 0:03:12.480 --> 0:03:14.720 and that's just my personality. Like I'm like that with 0:03:14.760 --> 0:03:17.640 my friends, I'm like that with my family. I'm like 0:03:17.639 --> 0:03:19.560 that with people they don't even like me, Like that's 0:03:19.600 --> 0:03:22.880 just something in me. And I feel like sometimes when 0:03:22.880 --> 0:03:24.760 I do that, people think I don't love myself, you know, 0:03:24.840 --> 0:03:26.960 But I love you, So therefore I love myself and 0:03:26.960 --> 0:03:30.280 I give what I want. I feel like, if I 0:03:30.320 --> 0:03:32.280 want love, I got to give love. So when it 0:03:32.320 --> 0:03:36.640 comes to friendship, relationship, family ship, like that's all I 0:03:36.680 --> 0:03:38.760 know how to do. Because I also didn't get a 0:03:38.760 --> 0:03:41.080 lot of that growing up. So you're right, I didn't 0:03:41.080 --> 0:03:41.760 get it from her, and it. 0:03:41.760 --> 0:03:43.520 Has to be reciprocated. I'm not going to sit here. 0:03:43.560 --> 0:03:46.000 I'm not sitting here bashing all men. There are good 0:03:46.000 --> 0:03:50.680 men out there, but I just feel like there's not enough, okay, 0:03:50.920 --> 0:03:53.120 and the men set the tone in relationships. We can 0:03:53.160 --> 0:03:54.760 sit here, women can sit here and say all day 0:03:54.960 --> 0:03:57.440 this is I want to nurse, nurture my man. I 0:03:57.440 --> 0:03:59.120 want to be there for my man. But how exhausting 0:03:59.120 --> 0:04:01.040 does it get? If the man is leading, yeah and 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:03.640 being and setting the tone of the relationship, it works. 0:04:03.640 --> 0:04:05.000 If the woman has to set it. 0:04:05.120 --> 0:04:07.400 If he's doing that for you too, then it works, right, 0:04:07.560 --> 0:04:10.360 He's you think we give up too easily nowadays too. 0:04:10.280 --> 0:04:12.560 Oh my god, one hundred percent. Social media has made that. 0:04:14.160 --> 0:04:16.520 It's so there's so many fishency right with social media. 0:04:16.600 --> 0:04:18.480 Like you see somebody that's beautiful and you just want 0:04:18.520 --> 0:04:20.039 to go grab them because you can get him. You 0:04:20.040 --> 0:04:21.760 have that option to just jump in their inbox. 0:04:22.320 --> 0:04:25.560 Well, listen, because you are a relationship coach, we are 0:04:25.600 --> 0:04:27.400 definitely going to take advantage of the fact that you're 0:04:27.400 --> 0:04:31.080 here because everybody has different situations going on. So I know, 0:04:31.880 --> 0:04:33.960 we all came up with things that are going on 0:04:34.000 --> 0:04:37.120 in our lives that we're going to share today just 0:04:37.160 --> 0:04:40.240 to get to your perspective, you know, as an expert 0:04:40.320 --> 0:04:42.400 in this scenario. And by the way, you got to 0:04:42.440 --> 0:04:44.360 check it out because he also just recently sat down 0:04:44.360 --> 0:04:47.240 with Tia Murray. So that was a great conversation that 0:04:47.279 --> 0:04:47.600 you had. 0:04:47.600 --> 0:04:50.440 If you guys, she's a good woman. She did me 0:04:50.480 --> 0:04:52.120 a favor. She didn't have to do what she did. 0:04:52.320 --> 0:04:55.200 Right, Yeah, but it seemed like she very much wanted 0:04:55.240 --> 0:04:58.040 to do it too. Because sometimes it's having those conversations 0:04:58.160 --> 0:05:00.240 and hopefully what we talk about today helps other people 0:05:00.240 --> 0:05:03.479 who might be going through something similar. It can spark something. 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:07.680 And you say, Laura, let's start with you, hey, because 0:05:07.440 --> 0:05:11.080 we talked about what all of our situations are right now, 0:05:11.480 --> 0:05:13.719 so that we could you know, share with you. 0:05:14.320 --> 0:05:15.080 I'm coaching through. 0:05:17.040 --> 0:05:18.200 And you can send us in boys. 0:05:18.360 --> 0:05:23.480 So basically, all right, I met some one amazing person, 0:05:23.800 --> 0:05:28.560 but he's in the process of a divorce. They're legally 0:05:28.600 --> 0:05:33.960 separated at the moment, and we've been dating for about 0:05:34.000 --> 0:05:38.679 six months now and everything is great, except that that's 0:05:38.720 --> 0:05:42.800 not fully taking care of it, and it kind of 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:47.040 like it's it's it's it's calls and problems as far 0:05:47.080 --> 0:05:49.680 as like the time. You know, he has two girls, 0:05:49.680 --> 0:05:51.640 so it's like he has to spend time with the girls. 0:05:51.640 --> 0:05:54.760 And then you know, his significant his wife because she's 0:05:54.800 --> 0:05:58.360 still his wife, which is hard to really say. She's 0:05:58.400 --> 0:06:00.320 not having it like she already know who I am. 0:06:00.400 --> 0:06:02.760 So now that's even worse, Like she's not trying to 0:06:02.760 --> 0:06:03.560 give him the divorce. 0:06:03.640 --> 0:06:06.960 She's listening right, and she's yeah, she definitely is talking 0:06:06.960 --> 0:06:07.880 about at this moment. 0:06:08.480 --> 0:06:11.600 Yeah, she's she definitely she doesn't want to divorce. 0:06:11.640 --> 0:06:13.159 Some At first, I was a little. 0:06:13.760 --> 0:06:16.680 I held back, Like I took a while before I 0:06:16.680 --> 0:06:19.240 could really fully put my guard zones and really going 0:06:19.240 --> 0:06:21.400 because I'm not I haven't dated a man going through 0:06:21.400 --> 0:06:23.440 a divorce, and I didn't know if I should even 0:06:23.440 --> 0:06:25.480 do that because, like you said, like in this generation, 0:06:25.560 --> 0:06:26.159 there is. 0:06:26.040 --> 0:06:27.760 Not a lot of values and morales. 0:06:28.200 --> 0:06:30.320 So I was still feeling bad because it's like, yeah, 0:06:30.360 --> 0:06:35.200 you're legally separated, but you're still legally married until the divorce, 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:37.560 and she just won't sign the divorce, so it's like 0:06:37.640 --> 0:06:39.159 how long are we going to go with this? But 0:06:39.240 --> 0:06:41.200 now he's dealing with that, But then he's dealing with 0:06:41.320 --> 0:06:44.039 work issues, and it's like the time like that, I 0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:46.360 feel like the things that I want and I need 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:50.240 from him, I'm being over understanding and at the same 0:06:50.279 --> 0:06:51.960 time compromising. 0:06:52.160 --> 0:06:55.200 So you're accommodating him. And she's also not letting him 0:06:55.200 --> 0:06:57.039 see his kids the way that he went right. 0:06:58.160 --> 0:07:00.160 Yeah, we've been dating for six months. 0:07:00.320 --> 0:07:03.400 Six months, Yes, And it was easy at first until 0:07:03.440 --> 0:07:04.279 she find out. 0:07:04.279 --> 0:07:09.480 Who I was m So is he trying to get 0:07:09.520 --> 0:07:10.960 the divorce? Is he putting the effort in? 0:07:11.200 --> 0:07:11.400 Yes? 0:07:11.720 --> 0:07:14.400 And and I you know, I always still had my 0:07:14.480 --> 0:07:17.000 doubts because I don't put past, let them past, no 0:07:17.120 --> 0:07:20.120 men right now. So I always had my doubts until 0:07:20.200 --> 0:07:23.440 she called my phone. She called my phone and she 0:07:23.520 --> 0:07:25.600 tried to act like she was his sister, and then 0:07:25.640 --> 0:07:26.720 I was like, that's not his sister. 0:07:26.840 --> 0:07:28.000 I was like, yeah, you're not his sister. 0:07:28.120 --> 0:07:30.960 She was like, well, I'm just trying to see where 0:07:30.960 --> 0:07:32.600 he's at, because he told me he moved in with you, 0:07:32.800 --> 0:07:35.160 so you know, his daughter need him so and I 0:07:35.200 --> 0:07:38.320 was like, you're so stupid. You just proved to me that, Okay, 0:07:38.360 --> 0:07:41.360 he's not lying about where you guys are at and 0:07:41.400 --> 0:07:44.480 you're divorce, you know, So that let me know that 0:07:44.560 --> 0:07:45.880 he wasn't lying for real. 0:07:46.120 --> 0:07:48.560 And I made her communication to right. 0:07:48.720 --> 0:07:49.360 So I try. 0:07:49.480 --> 0:07:51.520 I trust him and I believe him, but he's now 0:07:51.600 --> 0:07:55.200 overwhelmed with that, and then he has a lot of 0:07:55.320 --> 0:07:58.400 projects and business things going on, and then he's in 0:07:58.440 --> 0:08:01.520 between because he left the house, you know, so he's 0:08:01.560 --> 0:08:03.720 not where he wants to be and he feels that 0:08:03.800 --> 0:08:06.240 it's too much for me. But I'm like, I knew 0:08:06.240 --> 0:08:09.000 what I was getting into, and I already decided to 0:08:09.040 --> 0:08:11.680 be understanding of that because I see who you are 0:08:11.720 --> 0:08:14.200 as a person, and we're Greek together, So you're doing 0:08:14.200 --> 0:08:18.000 all that understanding. Yeah, like I'm doing all the understanding. 0:08:18.080 --> 0:08:19.280 But now it's like where we at. 0:08:19.320 --> 0:08:21.920 But it's not like he's not trying. He's doing everything 0:08:21.960 --> 0:08:24.400 he can as a man too, trying to make this happen. 0:08:24.480 --> 0:08:27.600 Like he's exactly to be with you, exactly. 0:08:27.280 --> 0:08:28.960 Be different if he was just stagnant and just like 0:08:29.000 --> 0:08:30.840 giving you the run around and not being on right. 0:08:30.960 --> 0:08:33.160 But he's trying, but he feels like he's feeling. 0:08:33.280 --> 0:08:36.160 So he doesn't want to fail me and he doesn't 0:08:36.160 --> 0:08:38.880 want me to hurt, so he rather us just for 0:08:38.960 --> 0:08:39.480 the meantime. 0:08:39.520 --> 0:08:40.199 So I'm like, I. 0:08:40.160 --> 0:08:41.880 Don't know if I could just sit here and wait, 0:08:41.960 --> 0:08:44.439 I don't I may meet somebody else, Like what do 0:08:44.480 --> 0:08:44.800 I do? 0:08:44.960 --> 0:08:46.600 Yeah? Because how long is this gonna take? 0:08:46.720 --> 0:08:49.480 Exactly, especially you don't want to sign it and it's 0:08:49.480 --> 0:08:52.720 so early on to be going through this exact Like 0:08:52.760 --> 0:08:55.679 he doesn't want to where we're at right now, it's like, no, 0:08:55.760 --> 0:08:59.440 he wants to, but he's trying to safeguard my feelings 0:08:59.480 --> 0:09:03.280 and my emotions and from me be grateful for him. 0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:05.360 Yeah, so he's being really thoughtful. 0:09:05.440 --> 0:09:08.520 So you guys aren't talking anymore. No, we're still peing 0:09:08.559 --> 0:09:09.000 each other. 0:09:09.200 --> 0:09:12.520 Yeah, we're still conversating, but it's that like he's leaving 0:09:12.640 --> 0:09:16.280 he he's leaving it in my court. But at the 0:09:16.320 --> 0:09:19.800 same time he he don't want to cause pain. 0:09:19.920 --> 0:09:20.760 Right, he doesn't know. 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:22.599 It's interesting because I feel like we're also at a 0:09:22.640 --> 0:09:25.559 point where some people's relationships are coming to an end. 0:09:25.600 --> 0:09:27.720 Like we see there was a period where everyone's getting married. 0:09:27.840 --> 0:09:29.640 Now there's a lot of people getting divorced because it 0:09:29.679 --> 0:09:31.960 does happen, but they're not divorced yet. And some people 0:09:32.000 --> 0:09:34.559 will tell you, well, oh, that person is still legally married, 0:09:34.800 --> 0:09:37.640 but you can see they're separated and he's working on 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:39.640 moving on it. But he does have kids, and he 0:09:39.679 --> 0:09:40.959 does have responses and was. 0:09:40.920 --> 0:09:43.719 Sounding like everything was the goal because he told her 0:09:43.720 --> 0:09:44.840 that he moved in with. 0:09:44.800 --> 0:09:48.280 You, like, but then he started having business problems, so 0:09:48.320 --> 0:09:51.360 it ended up like he's just very overwhelmed. 0:09:51.400 --> 0:09:54.679 Yeah, and the relationship is suffering because of it. I mean, 0:09:54.720 --> 0:09:57.280 it's always going to feel like he doesn't me to her. 0:09:57.800 --> 0:09:59.480 So what I keep telling him is, like I said, 0:09:59.800 --> 0:10:02.280 I I knew what I was getting into, so I 0:10:02.320 --> 0:10:03.200 want to be there for you. 0:10:03.280 --> 0:10:04.440 I want to support you through this. 0:10:04.520 --> 0:10:06.400 I want to help you builds and I know everything 0:10:06.480 --> 0:10:09.240 feels like the world is coming down on you, but 0:10:09.280 --> 0:10:11.200 you're going to get through it. Because I went through 0:10:11.320 --> 0:10:13.320 not a divorce, but you know when me and my 0:10:13.840 --> 0:10:16.800 youngest son dad, like I went through hell like it 0:10:16.840 --> 0:10:19.320 was and that's what she It kind of takes me 0:10:19.400 --> 0:10:22.200 back to what I went through when I decided to 0:10:22.280 --> 0:10:24.720 leave my son's dad because I didn't see it going 0:10:24.800 --> 0:10:26.200 anywhere and I didn't want to stay with a man 0:10:26.320 --> 0:10:28.000 just for you know, for the kids. And I tell 0:10:28.080 --> 0:10:30.240 him that a lot, like, you know, do you think 0:10:30.840 --> 0:10:33.040 that you do you want to go back because of 0:10:33.080 --> 0:10:35.320 the kids? If that's like, you know, for the kids, 0:10:35.320 --> 0:10:37.280 it's never yeah, and that's what he says. He said, 0:10:37.280 --> 0:10:41.240 it's mind, but he's not going to be able to 0:10:41.280 --> 0:10:41.559 do it. 0:10:42.120 --> 0:10:43.840 And then you deciding that you wanted to be with 0:10:43.880 --> 0:10:45.480 a man that was going through a divorce. I mean 0:10:45.480 --> 0:10:48.880 it takes time and if you know what you want, 0:10:48.920 --> 0:10:50.199 you know you want to be with him, you kind 0:10:50.200 --> 0:10:51.800 of got to go through that storm with him. 0:10:51.679 --> 0:10:54.480 And I'm willing to, but it doesn't want to hurt me. 0:10:55.080 --> 0:10:56.960 But why where is this hurt thing coming from? 0:10:57.000 --> 0:11:00.240 Though? Like because he do so if it's it's not 0:11:00.320 --> 0:11:03.080 The marriage is work, you know. 0:11:03.240 --> 0:11:07.679 And then what he kind of explained to me just yesterday, 0:11:07.720 --> 0:11:09.880 the day before yesterday, when we finally had a conversation, 0:11:10.360 --> 0:11:12.840 he was like, you know, I feel like I'm so overwhelmed. 0:11:12.880 --> 0:11:16.840 I'm lashing out at people because I'm just so upset. 0:11:17.000 --> 0:11:18.880 And every time we speak, I know you hurt and 0:11:18.960 --> 0:11:21.280 I'm lashing out in you and I don't want to 0:11:21.400 --> 0:11:21.719 do that. 0:11:21.800 --> 0:11:23.080 So you need to get his shit together. 0:11:23.160 --> 0:11:25.240 Yeah, and the need some time on his own for 0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:26.280 a little while, That's. 0:11:26.080 --> 0:11:26.760 What he's saying. 0:11:26.960 --> 0:11:28.960 I went back to like one of my exes a 0:11:29.080 --> 0:11:32.000 couple months ago, right, and he was just hanging around 0:11:32.040 --> 0:11:34.520 me going through a divorce, and it was so stressful. 0:11:34.600 --> 0:11:35.600 I couldn't deal with it. 0:11:35.600 --> 0:11:41.080 It is, so you know, I understand like what the 0:11:41.640 --> 0:11:43.640 annoyance like it would bother. 0:11:43.760 --> 0:11:46.440 You, because sometimes people feel like, let me get over 0:11:46.640 --> 0:11:49.920 her by getting under you, right, say right. Sometimes people 0:11:50.000 --> 0:11:54.040 jump from one situation to another, but they're not completely ready. 0:11:54.160 --> 0:11:56.080 I don't know, Like it feels like he has so 0:11:56.160 --> 0:11:58.520 much going on that he needs to focus on himself. 0:11:58.640 --> 0:12:00.440 Because at a time, certain times in your life, you 0:12:00.480 --> 0:12:01.679 do have to be kind of selfish. 0:12:01.760 --> 0:12:05.520 I would think, as you're going through having career issues 0:12:06.120 --> 0:12:09.760 for wanting to deal with that person, because I really 0:12:09.800 --> 0:12:09.959 like it. 0:12:10.040 --> 0:12:12.760 He hasn't figured out his co parenting situation. 0:12:12.400 --> 0:12:15.200 Exactly that situation. 0:12:15.320 --> 0:12:17.959 I'm sorry both of his children with her, yeah, and 0:12:18.080 --> 0:12:19.680 how old are they and they're girls. 0:12:19.679 --> 0:12:20.679 I don't want to say the ages. 0:12:21.000 --> 0:12:22.560 So you can decide if you want to ride through 0:12:22.559 --> 0:12:23.880 the storm with him, if you want to take a 0:12:23.880 --> 0:12:26.080 step back to the biggest he wants to do. 0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:29.120 I'm willing to ride the storm with him, but I 0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:31.360 feel like he's not the he's not where he wants 0:12:31.440 --> 0:12:33.800 to be at, and he feels that he's not the 0:12:33.840 --> 0:12:35.640 man that I deserve. But I tell him, you can't 0:12:35.679 --> 0:12:37.480 tell me what I want and what I needed. I 0:12:37.559 --> 0:12:40.200 know what it is. But I do respect him and 0:12:40.240 --> 0:12:42.640 I do respect that. At first, I was frustrated because 0:12:42.640 --> 0:12:44.520 I was like, come on, now, all this time, it's 0:12:44.559 --> 0:12:47.839 been six months, we're good, But and and and again, 0:12:47.880 --> 0:12:50.400 I'm like, I'm telling him, I'm like, you feel like 0:12:50.400 --> 0:12:52.240 you're at your lowest right now. And I think it's 0:12:52.280 --> 0:12:54.880 more because what he's going through I went through, not 0:12:54.920 --> 0:12:58.440 with marriage, but it's kind of like similar and I'm like, 0:12:58.520 --> 0:13:00.800 it feels like it's the worst thing and feel like, damn, 0:13:00.800 --> 0:13:03.440 should I stay in this just because of my kids? 0:13:03.720 --> 0:13:07.120 You know? But it gets better. She's gonna get she's hurt. 0:13:07.160 --> 0:13:09.320 No matter what she cheated on you, whatever it was 0:13:09.360 --> 0:13:11.200 that she did, it doesn't matter. 0:13:11.200 --> 0:13:12.280 She probably don't even want you. 0:13:12.600 --> 0:13:17.600 But if you don't exactly, I'm like, but eventually, as 0:13:17.640 --> 0:13:20.199 when you get over it, like it seems right now 0:13:20.240 --> 0:13:21.000 like it's terrible. 0:13:21.360 --> 0:13:22.160 So I just decide. 0:13:22.160 --> 0:13:23.480 I was like, you know what, I'm not going to 0:13:23.600 --> 0:13:26.000 force anything. I'm gonna just let it go. But I 0:13:26.000 --> 0:13:28.440 can't promise that I'm gonna be here when you feel 0:13:28.440 --> 0:13:30.240 like the dust settle and you're ready to do girls, 0:13:30.240 --> 0:13:31.040 So what's your question? 0:13:31.320 --> 0:13:32.920 And you come first, right, So you have to sit 0:13:33.000 --> 0:13:35.040 down with yourself and decide what do I want for me? 0:13:35.400 --> 0:13:37.480 Where do I want to be? Am I getting enough 0:13:37.480 --> 0:13:40.000 out of this relationship? And if the answer is no, 0:13:40.240 --> 0:13:41.920 then you might have to step back and give him 0:13:41.920 --> 0:13:44.080 his time. But if you guys are in a good 0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:46.080 place and you guys are communicating and he feels like 0:13:46.360 --> 0:13:47.840 he can get through this with you. 0:13:48.160 --> 0:13:51.680 Then that's the part that has me like, I don't 0:13:51.760 --> 0:13:52.520 have to be. 0:13:52.640 --> 0:13:54.840 Very open with that communication and very honest. You can't 0:13:54.840 --> 0:13:57.000 just like we'll see what happens tomorrow. No, you need 0:13:57.080 --> 0:13:59.160 you guys need to have these conversations daily and make 0:13:59.160 --> 0:14:01.040 sure you guys are on the same page and communicating 0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:04.840 with one another, because it's so easy to not talk 0:14:04.880 --> 0:14:06.920 about things and just things kind of fall in the 0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:07.800 place where they do it. 0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:08.600 And that's never good. 0:14:08.840 --> 0:14:10.000 And that's what I was doing. 0:14:10.120 --> 0:14:12.280 Like it was a lot of things, like we're the time, 0:14:12.600 --> 0:14:15.679 you know, because I'm super busy, like Angela ye has 0:14:15.720 --> 0:14:20.800 me hella busy. Okay, so he Busy's good, amazing, so 0:14:20.960 --> 0:14:21.680 but but you. 0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:23.680 Know you're not busy. That's when you be stalking people. 0:14:24.920 --> 0:14:26.360 So it's like I tell him, it's not like I'm 0:14:26.400 --> 0:14:29.120 not busy. I'm super busy. So I understand the time. 0:14:29.400 --> 0:14:33.840 But we still have to make time, right, And that's 0:14:33.880 --> 0:14:36.800 the part that I you know, I would stay quiet, 0:14:37.240 --> 0:14:39.920 you know sometimes, like I was three four days without 0:14:39.920 --> 0:14:42.600 seeing each other, and even though it bothers me, I 0:14:42.600 --> 0:14:44.960 don't want to be another burden. I don't want to nag. 0:14:45.040 --> 0:14:46.600 I don't want to put more on him, so I 0:14:46.720 --> 0:14:48.960 stay quiet. So then when he do come around, and 0:14:48.960 --> 0:14:52.440 we see each other. I'm happy, I'm receptive, but I'm not. 0:14:52.720 --> 0:14:55.960 Everything's on his time and on what exactly that that's 0:14:55.960 --> 0:14:58.960 what I have. That's a hard time. Yeah, the balance 0:14:59.040 --> 0:15:02.360 is off. That's to balance that out. But the question 0:15:02.440 --> 0:15:04.920 is is he able with all of the overwhelming and 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:07.360 the busyness and this and that happening, is he able 0:15:07.400 --> 0:15:09.880 to be able to create their balance for the relations And. 0:15:09.920 --> 0:15:11.440 She can't give you, like some of the things that 0:15:11.480 --> 0:15:13.320 you need, and he's going days without talking to you, 0:15:13.360 --> 0:15:15.280 then you're gonna have to question if that's what you want. 0:15:15.600 --> 0:15:17.240 You got to hand your handself. 0:15:16.800 --> 0:15:19.000 Before anything, like do you are you willing to go 0:15:19.040 --> 0:15:20.760 five days without talking to him for a whole year 0:15:21.280 --> 0:15:23.560 and making this a consistent thing, or do you want more? 0:15:23.880 --> 0:15:26.120 And if you want more, you might have to fall 0:15:26.160 --> 0:15:28.600 back and give him a space and find it somewhere else, 0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:30.880 or decide what you want to do for you first 0:15:30.920 --> 0:15:33.479 before anything. Remember you come first, your happiness. 0:15:33.640 --> 0:15:35.760 Chris, Let me ask you this while she's in the 0:15:35.800 --> 0:15:38.040 midst of this, is it okay for her? Like all right, 0:15:38.120 --> 0:15:41.120 let's just say now you're like, you know, get your 0:15:41.120 --> 0:15:43.520 shit together, let me fall back do this, But she's 0:15:43.600 --> 0:15:46.000 dating other Let's just say she starts dating other. 0:15:45.840 --> 0:15:47.680 People down that work, right? Yeah? 0:15:47.720 --> 0:15:50.320 Does he have the right then, because sometimes you feel like, well, 0:15:50.320 --> 0:15:51.800 I don't want to do that because then he won't 0:15:51.800 --> 0:15:54.400 really take me seriously if I start dating other people 0:15:54.400 --> 0:15:57.080 but we're not in a relationship. He said this, X, Y, 0:15:57.160 --> 0:15:59.640 and Z. Do you think you should make an effort 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:02.240 to date other people or is it better to just 0:16:02.320 --> 0:16:04.960 kind of, like, you know, wait it out and see 0:16:04.960 --> 0:16:07.840 if the person who I really want, if he figures 0:16:07.880 --> 0:16:08.360 it out. 0:16:08.240 --> 0:16:10.080 That's where you have to decide. Because if you decide 0:16:10.120 --> 0:16:11.680 that you don't, you have to communicate that with him 0:16:11.720 --> 0:16:14.040 and then kind of just enjoy you can date because 0:16:14.080 --> 0:16:15.800 once you communicate I'm not ready for this right now, 0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:17.160 I don't think you are. I'm going to take a 0:16:17.160 --> 0:16:18.800 step back and I'm going to date. I'm gonna enjoy 0:16:18.840 --> 0:16:20.720 my life. He has no right to tell you, oh, 0:16:20.760 --> 0:16:21.400 you can't do that. 0:16:21.800 --> 0:16:22.720 Yeah, it's so crazy. 0:16:22.840 --> 0:16:26.040 Got answered that because literally, somebody just out of the blue, 0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:29.240 I would have So I was invited out two weeks 0:16:29.240 --> 0:16:31.840 ago somewhere. Normally I wouldn't go because I'll be at 0:16:31.880 --> 0:16:33.800