Speaker 1: What APPX lip Service.
Speaker 2: I'm Angela Yee, I'm Gigi Maguire, I'm Stephanie Santiago, I'm.
Speaker 3: Laura Moa and it's Chris CQ Perry.
Speaker 1: Okay. First of all, Chris GQ Perry, I've been following
Speaker 1: you for quite a while and usually in the morning,
Speaker 1: I guess because I always look at what you have
Speaker 1: to say about relationships. It pops up on my timeline,
Speaker 1: like the first thing I opened on Instagram. It'll be
Speaker 1: like one of your posts. You know, always right away
Speaker 1: that positivity you need. It's like a daily information.
Speaker 2: Right So, Chris, let's talk about who you are, because
Speaker 2: you are a relationship coach, you're a best selling author,
Speaker 2: and you have your own show. So just give people
Speaker 2: a little bit of a background.
Speaker 3: Yep. So my book twenty four Reasons You Are Good
Speaker 3: Enough was pretty much just an idea of who I
Speaker 3: am and just talking about things that I've gone through
Speaker 3: to make me the person that I am, and that
Speaker 3: trickles into my relationship stuff because I feel like it's
Speaker 3: very important to love yourself before you can love anybody else.
Speaker 3: And that's what my book means to me and to
Speaker 3: the people that read it. I hope they feel the same,
Speaker 3: and then I, Yeah, I'm just a small town boy
Speaker 3: and I have my traditional values. My dad and my
Speaker 3: mom raised me. My dad was a very masculine, strong man,
Speaker 3: and he taught me how to be a man, how
Speaker 3: to lead, how to protect, how to provide. And I
Speaker 3: feel like in today's generation, we lack that the common
Speaker 3: values in relationships, and people are struggling so much to
Speaker 3: find a good man or a good woman because they
Speaker 3: don't understand their roles in a relationship. They don't understand
Speaker 3: how to be in healthy relationships.
Speaker 1: You think that is this generation? Like it's a newer phenomenon,
Speaker 1: because okay, and why do you think that is?
Speaker 3: Why do I think that is?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, why do you think that's happening in this generation?
Speaker 3: I honestly think it starts in the home. I don't
Speaker 3: think the man's in the home enough. We don't have enough,
Speaker 3: especially in the black community. The father's not in the
Speaker 3: house to build that structure. You see, A woman can
Speaker 3: can raise a boy, but if he doesn't see what
Speaker 3: he needs to do and what and what he ed
Speaker 3: A man has to do to love his mom correctly
Speaker 3: and what a man's role is he's not going to know.
Speaker 3: His mom can tell until he's blue in the face.
Speaker 3: This is what you're supposed to do. This is how
Speaker 3: you treat a woman. This is how you're a man
Speaker 3: and a provider. But if he doesn't see it, he
Speaker 3: doesn't know. He only knows what his mom shows him.
Speaker 3: And that's why I say this, and it's such it's
Speaker 3: so important when I say this, because men look for
Speaker 3: women that are like their mom. So men look for
Speaker 3: a woman that does everything for them and plays the
Speaker 3: role of their.
Speaker 2: Mom instead of how I feel about the man on
Speaker 2: the East Coast at least.
Speaker 4: But I don't feel like that about all men.
Speaker 3: Not all men.
Speaker 1: Even women take on the role of being nurturing too,
Speaker 1: because sometimes as women, like we maybe cater too much.
Speaker 4: Yes, I agree with that.
Speaker 2: I feel like women that I first go to when
Speaker 2: I'm with a man, my nursing side, like I want
Speaker 2: to take care of everything.
Speaker 4: Are you okay? Are you hungry? Maybe?
Speaker 1: She like we been on the back where Yeah, I feel.
Speaker 2: Like I'm definitely I'm a mother and I've been a
Speaker 2: mother since sixteen.
Speaker 1: She has two sons.
Speaker 2: I have a twenty two year old and I have
Speaker 2: a twelve year old, so like that's just something organic
Speaker 2: and that's just my personality. Like I'm like that with
Speaker 2: my friends, I'm like that with my family. I'm like
Speaker 2: that with people they don't even like me, Like that's
Speaker 2: just something in me. And I feel like sometimes when
Speaker 2: I do that, people think I don't love myself, you know,
Speaker 2: But I love you, So therefore I love myself and
Speaker 2: I give what I want. I feel like, if I
Speaker 2: want love, I got to give love. So when it
Speaker 2: comes to friendship, relationship, family ship, like that's all I
Speaker 2: know how to do. Because I also didn't get a
Speaker 2: lot of that growing up. So you're right, I didn't
Speaker 2: get it from her, and it.
Speaker 3: Has to be reciprocated. I'm not going to sit here.
Speaker 3: I'm not sitting here bashing all men. There are good
Speaker 3: men out there, but I just feel like there's not enough, okay,
Speaker 3: and the men set the tone in relationships. We can
Speaker 3: sit here, women can sit here and say all day
Speaker 3: this is I want to nurse, nurture my man. I
Speaker 3: want to be there for my man. But how exhausting
Speaker 3: does it get? If the man is leading, yeah and
Speaker 3: being and setting the tone of the relationship, it works.
Speaker 3: If the woman has to set it.
Speaker 1: If he's doing that for you too, then it works, right,
Speaker 1: He's you think we give up too easily nowadays too.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, one hundred percent. Social media has made that.
Speaker 3: It's so there's so many fishency right with social media.
Speaker 3: Like you see somebody that's beautiful and you just want
Speaker 3: to go grab them because you can get him. You
Speaker 3: have that option to just jump in their inbox.
Speaker 1: Well, listen, because you are a relationship coach, we are
Speaker 1: definitely going to take advantage of the fact that you're
Speaker 1: here because everybody has different situations going on. So I know,
Speaker 1: we all came up with things that are going on
Speaker 1: in our lives that we're going to share today just
Speaker 1: to get to your perspective, you know, as an expert
Speaker 1: in this scenario. And by the way, you got to
Speaker 1: check it out because he also just recently sat down
Speaker 1: with Tia Murray. So that was a great conversation that
Speaker 1: you had.
Speaker 3: If you guys, she's a good woman. She did me
Speaker 3: a favor. She didn't have to do what she did.
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, but it seemed like she very much wanted
Speaker 1: to do it too. Because sometimes it's having those conversations
Speaker 1: and hopefully what we talk about today helps other people
Speaker 1: who might be going through something similar. It can spark something.
Speaker 1: And you say, Laura, let's start with you, hey, because
Speaker 1: we talked about what all of our situations are right now,
Speaker 1: so that we could you know, share with you.
Speaker 3: I'm coaching through.
Speaker 1: And you can send us in boys.
Speaker 2: So basically, all right, I met some one amazing person,
Speaker 2: but he's in the process of a divorce. They're legally
Speaker 2: separated at the moment, and we've been dating for about
Speaker 2: six months now and everything is great, except that that's
Speaker 2: not fully taking care of it, and it kind of
Speaker 2: like it's it's it's it's calls and problems as far
Speaker 2: as like the time. You know, he has two girls,
Speaker 2: so it's like he has to spend time with the girls.
Speaker 2: And then you know, his significant his wife because she's
Speaker 2: still his wife, which is hard to really say. She's
Speaker 2: not having it like she already know who I am.
Speaker 2: So now that's even worse, Like she's not trying to
Speaker 2: give him the divorce.
Speaker 4: She's listening right, and she's yeah, she definitely is talking
Speaker 4: about at this moment.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's she definitely she doesn't want to divorce.
Speaker 4: Some At first, I was a little.
Speaker 2: I held back, Like I took a while before I
Speaker 2: could really fully put my guard zones and really going
Speaker 2: because I'm not I haven't dated a man going through
Speaker 2: a divorce, and I didn't know if I should even
Speaker 2: do that because, like you said, like in this generation,
Speaker 2: there is.
Speaker 4: Not a lot of values and morales.
Speaker 2: So I was still feeling bad because it's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: you're legally separated, but you're still legally married until the divorce,
Speaker 2: and she just won't sign the divorce, so it's like
Speaker 2: how long are we going to go with this? But
Speaker 2: now he's dealing with that, But then he's dealing with
Speaker 2: work issues, and it's like the time like that, I
Speaker 2: feel like the things that I want and I need
Speaker 2: from him, I'm being over understanding and at the same
Speaker 2: time compromising.
Speaker 1: So you're accommodating him. And she's also not letting him
Speaker 1: see his kids the way that he went right.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we've been dating for six months.
Speaker 2: Six months, Yes, And it was easy at first until
Speaker 2: she find out.
Speaker 3: Who I was m So is he trying to get
Speaker 3: the divorce? Is he putting the effort in?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 2: And and I you know, I always still had my
Speaker 2: doubts because I don't put past, let them past, no
Speaker 2: men right now. So I always had my doubts until
Speaker 2: she called my phone. She called my phone and she
Speaker 2: tried to act like she was his sister, and then
Speaker 2: I was like, that's not his sister.
Speaker 4: I was like, yeah, you're not his sister.
Speaker 2: She was like, well, I'm just trying to see where
Speaker 2: he's at, because he told me he moved in with you,
Speaker 2: so you know, his daughter need him so and I
Speaker 2: was like, you're so stupid. You just proved to me that, Okay,
Speaker 2: he's not lying about where you guys are at and
Speaker 2: you're divorce, you know, So that let me know that
Speaker 2: he wasn't lying for real.
Speaker 3: And I made her communication to right.
Speaker 4: So I try.
Speaker 2: I trust him and I believe him, but he's now
Speaker 2: overwhelmed with that, and then he has a lot of
Speaker 2: projects and business things going on, and then he's in
Speaker 2: between because he left the house, you know, so he's
Speaker 2: not where he wants to be and he feels that
Speaker 2: it's too much for me. But I'm like, I knew
Speaker 2: what I was getting into, and I already decided to
Speaker 2: be understanding of that because I see who you are
Speaker 2: as a person, and we're Greek together, So you're doing
Speaker 2: all that understanding. Yeah, like I'm doing all the understanding.
Speaker 2: But now it's like where we at.
Speaker 3: But it's not like he's not trying. He's doing everything
Speaker 3: he can as a man too, trying to make this happen.
Speaker 4: Like he's exactly to be with you, exactly.
Speaker 3: Be different if he was just stagnant and just like
Speaker 3: giving you the run around and not being on right.
Speaker 4: But he's trying, but he feels like he's feeling.
Speaker 2: So he doesn't want to fail me and he doesn't
Speaker 2: want me to hurt, so he rather us just for
Speaker 2: the meantime.
Speaker 4: So I'm like, I.
Speaker 2: Don't know if I could just sit here and wait,
Speaker 2: I don't I may meet somebody else, Like what do
Speaker 2: I do?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Because how long is this gonna take?
Speaker 2: Exactly, especially you don't want to sign it and it's
Speaker 2: so early on to be going through this exact Like
Speaker 2: he doesn't want to where we're at right now, it's like, no,
Speaker 2: he wants to, but he's trying to safeguard my feelings
Speaker 2: and my emotions and from me be grateful for him.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so he's being really thoughtful.
Speaker 5: So you guys aren't talking anymore. No, we're still peing
Speaker 5: each other.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're still conversating, but it's that like he's leaving
Speaker 2: he he's leaving it in my court. But at the
Speaker 2: same time he he don't want to cause pain.
Speaker 4: Right, he doesn't know.
Speaker 1: It's interesting because I feel like we're also at a
Speaker 1: point where some people's relationships are coming to an end.
Speaker 1: Like we see there was a period where everyone's getting married.
Speaker 1: Now there's a lot of people getting divorced because it
Speaker 1: does happen, but they're not divorced yet. And some people
Speaker 1: will tell you, well, oh, that person is still legally married,
Speaker 1: but you can see they're separated and he's working on
Speaker 1: moving on it. But he does have kids, and he
Speaker 1: does have responses and was.
Speaker 5: Sounding like everything was the goal because he told her
Speaker 5: that he moved in with.
Speaker 2: You, like, but then he started having business problems, so
Speaker 2: it ended up like he's just very overwhelmed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and the relationship is suffering because of it. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's always going to feel like he doesn't me to her.
Speaker 2: So what I keep telling him is, like I said,
Speaker 2: I I knew what I was getting into, so I
Speaker 2: want to be there for you.
Speaker 4: I want to support you through this.
Speaker 2: I want to help you builds and I know everything
Speaker 2: feels like the world is coming down on you, but
Speaker 2: you're going to get through it. Because I went through
Speaker 2: not a divorce, but you know when me and my
Speaker 2: youngest son dad, like I went through hell like it
Speaker 2: was and that's what she It kind of takes me
Speaker 2: back to what I went through when I decided to
Speaker 2: leave my son's dad because I didn't see it going
Speaker 2: anywhere and I didn't want to stay with a man
Speaker 2: just for you know, for the kids. And I tell
Speaker 2: him that a lot, like, you know, do you think
Speaker 2: that you do you want to go back because of
Speaker 2: the kids? If that's like, you know, for the kids,
Speaker 2: it's never yeah, and that's what he says. He said,
Speaker 2: it's mind, but he's not going to be able to
Speaker 2: do it.
Speaker 3: And then you deciding that you wanted to be with
Speaker 3: a man that was going through a divorce. I mean
Speaker 3: it takes time and if you know what you want,
Speaker 3: you know you want to be with him, you kind
Speaker 3: of got to go through that storm with him.
Speaker 4: And I'm willing to, but it doesn't want to hurt me.
Speaker 1: But why where is this hurt thing coming from?
Speaker 4: Though? Like because he do so if it's it's not
Speaker 4: The marriage is work, you know.
Speaker 2: And then what he kind of explained to me just yesterday,
Speaker 2: the day before yesterday, when we finally had a conversation,
Speaker 2: he was like, you know, I feel like I'm so overwhelmed.
Speaker 2: I'm lashing out at people because I'm just so upset.
Speaker 2: And every time we speak, I know you hurt and
Speaker 2: I'm lashing out in you and I don't want to
Speaker 2: do that.
Speaker 4: So you need to get his shit together.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and the need some time on his own for
Speaker 1: a little while, That's.
Speaker 4: What he's saying.
Speaker 2: I went back to like one of my exes a
Speaker 2: couple months ago, right, and he was just hanging around
Speaker 2: me going through a divorce, and it was so stressful.
Speaker 4: I couldn't deal with it.
Speaker 2: It is, so you know, I understand like what the
Speaker 2: annoyance like it would bother.
Speaker 1: You, because sometimes people feel like, let me get over
Speaker 1: her by getting under you, right, say right. Sometimes people
Speaker 1: jump from one situation to another, but they're not completely ready.
Speaker 1: I don't know, Like it feels like he has so
Speaker 1: much going on that he needs to focus on himself.
Speaker 1: Because at a time, certain times in your life, you
Speaker 1: do have to be kind of selfish.
Speaker 2: I would think, as you're going through having career issues
Speaker 2: for wanting to deal with that person, because I really
Speaker 2: like it.
Speaker 1: He hasn't figured out his co parenting situation.
Speaker 3: Exactly that situation.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry both of his children with her, yeah, and
Speaker 2: how old are they and they're girls.
Speaker 4: I don't want to say the ages.
Speaker 3: So you can decide if you want to ride through
Speaker 3: the storm with him, if you want to take a
Speaker 3: step back to the biggest he wants to do.
Speaker 2: I'm willing to ride the storm with him, but I
Speaker 2: feel like he's not the he's not where he wants
Speaker 2: to be at, and he feels that he's not the
Speaker 2: man that I deserve. But I tell him, you can't
Speaker 2: tell me what I want and what I needed. I
Speaker 2: know what it is. But I do respect him and
Speaker 2: I do respect that. At first, I was frustrated because
Speaker 2: I was like, come on, now, all this time, it's
Speaker 2: been six months, we're good, But and and and again,
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm telling him, I'm like, you feel like
Speaker 2: you're at your lowest right now. And I think it's
Speaker 2: more because what he's going through I went through, not
Speaker 2: with marriage, but it's kind of like similar and I'm like,
Speaker 2: it feels like it's the worst thing and feel like, damn,
Speaker 2: should I stay in this just because of my kids?
Speaker 4: You know? But it gets better. She's gonna get she's hurt.
Speaker 2: No matter what she cheated on you, whatever it was
Speaker 2: that she did, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 4: She probably don't even want you.
Speaker 2: But if you don't exactly, I'm like, but eventually, as
Speaker 2: when you get over it, like it seems right now
Speaker 2: like it's terrible.
Speaker 4: So I just decide.
Speaker 2: I was like, you know what, I'm not going to
Speaker 2: force anything. I'm gonna just let it go. But I
Speaker 2: can't promise that I'm gonna be here when you feel
Speaker 2: like the dust settle and you're ready to do girls,
Speaker 2: So what's your question?
Speaker 3: And you come first, right, So you have to sit
Speaker 3: down with yourself and decide what do I want for me?
Speaker 3: Where do I want to be? Am I getting enough
Speaker 3: out of this relationship? And if the answer is no,
Speaker 3: then you might have to step back and give him
Speaker 3: his time. But if you guys are in a good
Speaker 3: place and you guys are communicating and he feels like
Speaker 3: he can get through this with you.
Speaker 4: Then that's the part that has me like, I don't
Speaker 4: have to be.
Speaker 3: Very open with that communication and very honest. You can't
Speaker 3: just like we'll see what happens tomorrow. No, you need
Speaker 3: you guys need to have these conversations daily and make
Speaker 3: sure you guys are on the same page and communicating
Speaker 3: with one another, because it's so easy to not talk
Speaker 3: about things and just things kind of fall in the
Speaker 3: place where they do it.
Speaker 1: And that's never good.
Speaker 4: And that's what I was doing.
Speaker 2: Like it was a lot of things, like we're the time,
Speaker 2: you know, because I'm super busy, like Angela ye has
Speaker 2: me hella busy. Okay, so he Busy's good, amazing, so
Speaker 2: but but you.
Speaker 1: Know you're not busy. That's when you be stalking people.
Speaker 2: So it's like I tell him, it's not like I'm
Speaker 2: not busy. I'm super busy. So I understand the time.
Speaker 2: But we still have to make time, right, And that's
Speaker 2: the part that I you know, I would stay quiet,
Speaker 2: you know sometimes, like I was three four days without
Speaker 2: seeing each other, and even though it bothers me, I
Speaker 2: don't want to be another burden. I don't want to nag.
Speaker 2: I don't want to put more on him, so I
Speaker 2: stay quiet. So then when he do come around, and
Speaker 2: we see each other. I'm happy, I'm receptive, but I'm not.
Speaker 1: Everything's on his time and on what exactly that that's
Speaker 1: what I have. That's a hard time. Yeah, the balance
Speaker 1: is off. That's to balance that out. But the question
Speaker 1: is is he able with all of the overwhelming and
Speaker 1: the busyness and this and that happening, is he able
Speaker 1: to be able to create their balance for the relations And.
Speaker 3: She can't give you, like some of the things that
Speaker 3: you need, and he's going days without talking to you,
Speaker 3: then you're gonna have to question if that's what you want.
Speaker 1: You got to hand your handself.
Speaker 3: Before anything, like do you are you willing to go
Speaker 3: five days without talking to him for a whole year
Speaker 3: and making this a consistent thing, or do you want more?
Speaker 3: And if you want more, you might have to fall
Speaker 3: back and give him a space and find it somewhere else,
Speaker 3: or decide what you want to do for you first
Speaker 3: before anything. Remember you come first, your happiness.
Speaker 1: Chris, Let me ask you this while she's in the
Speaker 1: midst of this, is it okay for her? Like all right,
Speaker 1: let's just say now you're like, you know, get your
Speaker 1: shit together, let me fall back do this, But she's
Speaker 1: dating other Let's just say she starts dating other.
Speaker 4: People down that work, right? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Does he have the right then, because sometimes you feel like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't want to do that because then he won't
Speaker 1: really take me seriously if I start dating other people
Speaker 1: but we're not in a relationship. He said this, X, Y,
Speaker 1: and Z. Do you think you should make an effort
Speaker 1: to date other people or is it better to just
Speaker 1: kind of, like, you know, wait it out and see
Speaker 1: if the person who I really want, if he figures
Speaker 1: it out.
Speaker 3: That's where you have to decide. Because if you decide
Speaker 3: that you don't, you have to communicate that with him
Speaker 3: and then kind of just enjoy you can date because
Speaker 3: once you communicate I'm not ready for this right now,
Speaker 3: I don't think you are. I'm going to take a
Speaker 3: step back and I'm going to date. I'm gonna enjoy
Speaker 3: my life. He has no right to tell you, oh,
Speaker 3: you can't do that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's so crazy.
Speaker 2: Got answered that because literally, somebody just out of the blue,
Speaker 2: I would have So I was invited out two weeks
Speaker 2: ago somewhere. Normally I wouldn't go because I'll be at
Speaker 2: homewait and well, I don't know maybe he'll be able
Speaker 2: to make time, like you know, I wouldn't do anything
Speaker 2: like I'm like, oh, maybe he has time today, but
Speaker 2: this time, since it's been like that and he said
Speaker 2: what he said, my friend's like, yo, let's go. We
Speaker 2: went and literally I met someone who's great. But now
Speaker 2: I'm like, ah, should I Now Ye're allowed today pursue this.
Speaker 3: You're not in a relationship, just just keep that honest,
Speaker 3: open communication even though you're still healthy. Changed. Yeah, you
Speaker 3: need to be You need to be honest with what
Speaker 3: you're doing with hi man, because if you what if
Speaker 3: you're out and he sees you, what if you get
Speaker 3: in a situation? What if he knows you're talking to somebody.
Speaker 3: I think it's very important.
Speaker 4: You can tell him.
Speaker 1: I feel like you don't have to, though, because I
Speaker 1: also feel like, you know, if you see me out,
Speaker 1: it's like, dude, we're not in a relationship.
Speaker 3: A man. If I feel like I'm in I'm dating
Speaker 3: you and we're talking and then I'm just chilling out
Speaker 3: when I see you with another woman.
Speaker 1: But we're not in a relationship another man, if we're
Speaker 1: not in a relationship, wouldn't you think like she and.
Speaker 3: I said, if she's if she's communicating that like we're
Speaker 3: not in a relationship, but if she ain't saying nothing.
Speaker 4: And then because it.
Speaker 1: Was the start of a relationship, but but has it
Speaker 1: been didnt have y'all had that? We are now committed
Speaker 1: to each other? Conversation?
Speaker 2: Yeah, up under and all sudden that's changed for the
Speaker 2: past like month, like the past month and a half.
Speaker 4: Okay, so now maybe you shouldn't tell him that you
Speaker 4: met somebody.
Speaker 1: But this is when you have the conversation of Okay,
Speaker 1: if I do, I'm gonna.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm the first liar in the world.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you that.
Speaker 3: As hard as it might be, or if it does
Speaker 3: ruin that relationship, you have to be honest and he
Speaker 3: has to be able to trust you, whether he likes
Speaker 3: it or not. And you don't want to put yourself
Speaker 3: in any situations. So if you decide that you want
Speaker 3: to go out with somebody else, you have to let
Speaker 3: him know. Listen, I know that we're going through whatever
Speaker 3: we're going through. I'm gonna fall back and I'm gonna
Speaker 3: date other people. You have to be honest.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna still support you, but I'm gonna be over here. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: that figuring my life.
Speaker 3: Or when you lose a woman's trust you, it's very
Speaker 3: hard to get that back.
Speaker 4: All right, figure your ship out, and I'm gonna figure
Speaker 4: mine out.
Speaker 1: Now, Jji, let's get to yours, because you have.
Speaker 3: What y'all looking y'all looking over there like I ain't
Speaker 3: saying nothing, but you.
Speaker 1: Know that was my That was that was what I said.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna figure myself. You figure yourself out, and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna figure mine out too. So that way, she's saying
Speaker 1: you're doing what you're doing and I'm doing what I'm
Speaker 1: doing without actually saying I'm gonna date other people. But
Speaker 1: you know you're figuring, figuringspect because I was trying to
Speaker 1: figure out us, but you're not ready for that. So
Speaker 1: not I'm gonna figure out me. Women. All right now,
Speaker 1: gizz let's talk about your situation, my situation. I cannot
Speaker 1: wait till you hear this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I am two months into a relationship where
Speaker 2: it was love at first night. I feel like it
Speaker 2: should be first first night only two months July August, August, September.
Speaker 1: Yeah, two months, so sixty day fiance, she's engaged. She
Speaker 1: got engaged after how long three days.
Speaker 2: Three days, like love does not wait. Love that first
Speaker 2: night love is not what it was. It wasn't it
Speaker 2: wasn't first sight, but it was first night.
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna say no, but I'm going to say
Speaker 3: this though, it takes about a year, year and a
Speaker 3: half to get out of that infatuation stage and then
Speaker 3: you start seeing somebody'shoe colors. A year. Yeah, we're in
Speaker 3: the honeymoon. I think we're in the honeymoon face for
Speaker 3: at least a year.
Speaker 4: Honeymoon about two years.
Speaker 3: Then you start seeing or not.
Speaker 1: I don't like they start fighting with the whole but
Speaker 1: go ahead, I'm not. I'm so we are not planning
Speaker 1: to like go get married tomorrow. We are planning to
Speaker 1: live this committed life for at least a month. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: until we you know, figure it out. But we did
Speaker 1: commit to each other relationship within like the first hour
Speaker 1: of that first night date night. And then three days
Speaker 1: later he's like, let's get married, and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: so here we are. Do you believe in that type
Speaker 1: of quick love?
Speaker 3: I think you need to get somebody, to get to
Speaker 3: know somebody a little better before you jump. But I'm
Speaker 3: not judging you but I do think that when somebody's
Speaker 3: very like, let's get married and let's just do this,
Speaker 3: let's have a kid.
Speaker 4: Oh there will be no.
Speaker 1: Kids, right, but some people I saw people saying love
Speaker 1: bombing in your comments.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so it was like, oh, that's the bombing.
Speaker 1: Oh he's manipulating.
Speaker 3: But nobody knows what you got, and so I'm not
Speaker 3: here to judge.
Speaker 1: So we definitely held hands and leaped face first together.
Speaker 1: And sixty days later, everything's fine. We're still holding hands
Speaker 1: and we're still descending on this.
Speaker 4: No issues, nothing, Everything is good.
Speaker 1: I mean, small things, but nothing to whereas though I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I made a mistake, like there was
Speaker 1: some there was a miscommunication issue that happened just a
Speaker 1: couple of days ago. We have not had an argument, like,
Speaker 1: we have not yelled at each other. That has been
Speaker 1: no cursing or anything. But there was a situation where
Speaker 1: we there was a miscommunication in a conversation that we had.
Speaker 1: He asked me to do something and I didn't know
Speaker 1: that he asked me to do it, and I didn't
Speaker 1: do it, and then his attitude changed and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm leaving. So I left because I didn't want to
Speaker 1: create an argument.
Speaker 3: What did you say?
Speaker 1: I said, I loved a little commentary, So.
Speaker 4: I left.
Speaker 1: For one, I didn't want to argue at all. For two,
Speaker 1: his son was there, so I didn't want to express
Speaker 1: negative energy in front of his son.
Speaker 4: So I just left.
Speaker 1: But I text him as soon as I got to
Speaker 1: my car, and I told him what my issue was,
Speaker 1: and when he responded, I realized that I miscommunicated what
Speaker 1: he said to me. So ultimately, that's what the issue was.
Speaker 1: So that wasn't like a big thing. But that's like
Speaker 1: the only thing that happened, and it wasn't big at all.
Speaker 1: But I even I don't know if I would have
Speaker 1: left if his son wasn't there, but I definitely wouldn't
Speaker 1: have like blown it up to be a big argument
Speaker 1: because it was something like very minute school. So I
Speaker 1: feel like I was proud of myself for handling it
Speaker 1: that way, because you know, I'm fucking great, Yeah, like
Speaker 1: I am rare, you know what I'm saying normally, and
Speaker 1: I did not.
Speaker 4: I held the clause in and I was proud of
Speaker 4: myself for that.
Speaker 2: But so interesting to know, like as a relationship coaching,
Speaker 2: as a man, what you think about it for one
Speaker 2: and for two.
Speaker 1: Advice because I did it already. I just name tattooed
Speaker 1: on me. Yeah, you can't really go back now, Well
Speaker 1: you can tattooed. I mean I can always get removed
Speaker 1: the cover. First of all, sidebar tattoos is over the
Speaker 1: sidebar about the tattoo. Everybody and the me maw is
Speaker 1: worried about this damn tattoo.
Speaker 4: I am not worried about the was the tattoo.
Speaker 3: Let me see.
Speaker 4: You can't see the tattoo, can't. Yeah you can't.
Speaker 1: I'll show your picture later, but you can't see it, right.
Speaker 1: But but everybody's worried about this tattoo, like.
Speaker 4: You, tatty. That man's name are you after three days?
Speaker 2: Right? And and I don't care about that part because
Speaker 2: I have tattoos all over my body like you. Your
Speaker 2: tattoos mean have meetings, right, All of my tattoos have meanings.
Speaker 1: I don't have not one tattoo and tattooed somebody. He's
Speaker 1: not the first man tattooed.
Speaker 4: On me, you know.
Speaker 2: But even so, he's gonna be permanent. Exactly negativity. We
Speaker 2: don't live together, we live in the same city. I
Speaker 2: did not move in with him.
Speaker 4: I will not move in.
Speaker 1: No, I stay there a lot, but I will I
Speaker 1: have He has his own space that he's been in
Speaker 1: that he fully fits in with his son is partially
Speaker 1: living with him. They have joint Why would you give
Speaker 1: for that? And I have my own space that I'm
Speaker 1: very comfortable in and are we understand?
Speaker 3: Why would you give?
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to blend until we are actually married,
Speaker 1: because I've made that my love before. But I picked
Speaker 1: up and moved in with a man with my child
Speaker 1: and it didn't work and I ended up. But that
Speaker 1: honeymoon face, like you said, right, and I'm here for that.
Speaker 1: That's really really fun. That's really amazing. You know, that's
Speaker 1: exciting and lovey dovey. You had your first little tiny argument.
Speaker 1: That's always a cute milestone too. So what do you
Speaker 1: think about Gigi's situation?
Speaker 3: I think it was kind of fast. I'm gonna be honest,
Speaker 3: because you don't really know people's demons and the trauma,
Speaker 3: childhood trauma that makes us who we are, like little
Speaker 3: arguments fighting with somebody, somebody just running out on you, like,
Speaker 3: oh you really can't communicate, Like I gotta know things
Speaker 3: about you and I got to know how our dynamic is.
Speaker 3: I want to see you at you're worst. I need
Speaker 3: to know what you are, like it's your worst, You're
Speaker 3: gonna show me what you are at your best, because yeah,
Speaker 3: you know that.
Speaker 4: First.
Speaker 3: And I just think that I'm not trying to judge you,
Speaker 3: like I respect what you do and it may be
Speaker 3: a beautiful relationship, but I do think take your time
Speaker 3: with it and just kind of like really try to
Speaker 3: figure that person out and enjoy the ride and don't
Speaker 3: rush things because you don't really know somebody until you.
Speaker 1: Jesus like, no, no, no, I agree with all of that,
Speaker 1: and I think that No, I definitely agree, and he
Speaker 1: got engaged from there. So here's the thing. And Angela,
Speaker 1: we are all friends. So they noticed about me. I
Speaker 1: never ever wanted to get married. I was with somebody
Speaker 1: for eleven years and didn't want to marry him. So
Speaker 1: it's like the fact that I even feel like, oh
Speaker 1: my God, like this person is like really my person,
Speaker 1: like and it's like small things that it's how it's
Speaker 1: of course the energy and chemistry, like of course that's
Speaker 1: like the what everybody's says, but it's like little things
Speaker 1: like the way we like organize our cabinets and fold
Speaker 1: our towels. It's like really small things like down to
Speaker 1: like brand lotions and soaps and shit that we will feel.
Speaker 4: It's very like those things. Those sound like important things,
Speaker 4: that they are important things. There are important things, but
Speaker 4: it's things that you would never think matter. Like I'm
Speaker 4: trying to say.
Speaker 1: So, it's like so our first thirty days together, but
Speaker 1: we like to en leave each other side and we
Speaker 1: would wake up every morning at like six am and
Speaker 1: just like talk, like the communication and the trust from
Speaker 1: day one has only been continuing to build, Like we've
Speaker 1: learned so much about each other, family, past, religion, like
Speaker 1: all of those important conversations, and it was kind of
Speaker 1: like a crash course on each other. Sometimes people come
Speaker 1: from such fucked up prior relationships that it kind of
Speaker 1: prepares you for like all the things you don't want,
Speaker 1: and then you know what you don't want and that
Speaker 1: helps you know what.
Speaker 3: You do want. I don't know, like this could be
Speaker 3: a beautiful relationship. Things can break out, and I think
Speaker 3: that also spent some time living with him before you
Speaker 3: make any big decisions.
Speaker 1: Definitely not going, We're definitely not getting So he's a
Speaker 1: business owner's entrepreneur. He has restaurants and clubs, and there
Speaker 1: are restaurants being built out, there's a club being remodeled.
Speaker 1: So we're not even thinking about playing the wedding until
Speaker 1: all of that is done. Coffee his restaurants.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we got to make to get on that menu.
Speaker 1: So it's not like we like, okay, we got engaged
Speaker 1: in there, we're getting married tomorrow, like we're really gonna like,
Speaker 1: let they ask y'all both something and everybody here. How
Speaker 1: I'm praying, is sex in the equation when it comes
Speaker 1: to something like this, okay, because it's like that the
Speaker 1: sex is definitely good, but okay, let's just say it.
Speaker 1: We're coming from what everything else was great. Let's just
Speaker 1: say and fortunately for you it is, but let's just
Speaker 1: say it wasn't. Do you think you could still feel
Speaker 1: this way?
Speaker 4: So?
Speaker 1: And I only asked this because I was watching The
Speaker 1: Ultimatum on Netflix and she had an issue with her
Speaker 1: man just because this sex wasn't that great but everything else.
Speaker 1: So the relationship that I was in prior to this
Speaker 1: one lasted for a year and a half, and the
Speaker 1: worst part of that relationship was the sex. What do
Speaker 1: you think about that, Chris, Like, can you see a
Speaker 1: relationship working and thriving if this sex just does not click?
Speaker 3: No, I think that you guys gotta find either ways
Speaker 3: to spark it up a little bit and figure out
Speaker 3: what's going on. But yeah, that's a that's important part
Speaker 3: of a relationship, especially if sex is important to you,
Speaker 3: your sexual highly sexual person.
Speaker 1: I am relationship that relationship that I was in two
Speaker 1: years ago. What was so bad about it?
Speaker 4: The sex.
Speaker 6: You're gonna so, you know, So it was the very
Speaker 6: first time we had so we waited probably like I
Speaker 6: don't know, six months before we had sex, sign right,
Speaker 6: and the very first time I feel like there was
Speaker 6: so much passion and anticipation that it was good.
Speaker 4: The first time I came twice it was great, not great,
Speaker 4: but it was good. Right.
Speaker 1: Every every time since then, like every time it was
Speaker 1: like very cookie cutter, like exactly the same, and it
Speaker 1: didn't last very long. And I can literally remember in
Speaker 1: a year and a half, I can remember twice that
Speaker 1: it was different.
Speaker 2: I remember the exact two times that it wasn't the same,
Speaker 2: exact sex, and then it wasn't.
Speaker 3: But that's the problem with it.
Speaker 2: I mean, it just it just he was. He was
Speaker 2: on average size. You're very vocal. Did you tell him
Speaker 2: and he was?
Speaker 4: I didn't tell her, Yeah he was answered he had
Speaker 4: some weird injury.
Speaker 2: Yeah, penis no, but that's your side. But he was
Speaker 2: going through some things with his body, like in turn
Speaker 2: those things with his body, so he couldn't do a
Speaker 2: whole lot.
Speaker 1: So basically I rolled him until he came every single time.
Speaker 1: Yeah right, nobody wants to do that. Okay, all right,
Speaker 1: that was our sex every time except twice, and then
Speaker 1: it wasn't that big.
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna lie, so I did for my opinion.
Speaker 1: But I didn't say like, oh my god, I hate
Speaker 1: our sex, because I didn't really hate it, but it
Speaker 1: just wasn't good. However, when I did like kind of
Speaker 1: bring it up, he would just like brush it off
Speaker 1: and not really want to like get into like the conversation.
Speaker 4: So yeah, after a.
Speaker 1: While, I was just like, all right, I gotta slide
Speaker 1: up out of this, and eventually I did.
Speaker 4: I ended the relationship.
Speaker 1: But you're not going to tell be cause you didn't
Speaker 1: really miss him. When he was like, you know, like
Speaker 1: yeah it's good, you'd be like listen, I need Yeah,
Speaker 1: you were like I had talked to him in three weeks.
Speaker 3: That was the other thing.
Speaker 1: The other reason why I broke up with that man
Speaker 1: is because we would go weeks without seeing each other
Speaker 1: and we did. We were not in a long dier
Speaker 1: stance relationship. We were It actually got to the point
Speaker 1: where it was like a two month span where I'm like,
Speaker 1: we haven't seen each other in two months going on
Speaker 1: exactly so like that in the in the Terrible sex.
Speaker 1: And it was another thing that I care not to
Speaker 1: mention on camera, was the three things that made me
Speaker 1: be like, all right, I gotta suck out with it.
Speaker 1: So I ended it.
Speaker 3: But that's the thing, though, that was something that was
Speaker 3: important to you. That's something that was important to you
Speaker 3: that you communicated to him. He didn't try to fix.
Speaker 1: No right and wouldn't even address he wouldn't even like
Speaker 1: get into the conversation part of communication. And it was
Speaker 1: more than once that I bought it up in different settings,
Speaker 1: Like it was literally one time when we like I'm
Speaker 1: taking like the the hot washcloth back to the bathroom
Speaker 1: and I'll come back and I get right in bed
Speaker 1: and I say something about what just happened, and then
Speaker 1: he's just like I'd love to come too. Exactly, That's
Speaker 1: not what I said, but you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: Like I said something like in the moment, like right after,
Speaker 1: like in the moment you.
Speaker 3: Got to hit him in the ego to get them.
Speaker 4: And he just was like a rag No I.
Speaker 7: Cold.
Speaker 3: I believe that they left him in the bathtub where
Speaker 3: they left Shorty home in the bathtub.
Speaker 4: The Tyler Perry wash cloth.
Speaker 1: But yeah, definitely gonna take my time moving forward with right,
Speaker 1: because if that's your if that's your forever, there's no rush. Right,
Speaker 1: you're together, We're taking the day by day. Do you
Speaker 1: think marriage is important nowadays? Because there's so many people
Speaker 1: now who were like we could be together but not
Speaker 1: get married.
Speaker 3: To each his own me personally, I do think marriage
Speaker 3: is important.
Speaker 4: But that's what I was gonna say.
Speaker 5: I think that you guys should if you're gonna get married,
Speaker 5: like an said, is forever, might as well.
Speaker 4: I don't agree. I think you should do it faster.
Speaker 4: You know we're gonna wait. Don't give it that we're
Speaker 4: gonna wait.
Speaker 3: I think you should wait and see all sides of him.
Speaker 3: I see all sid because you even admitted like you
Speaker 3: just ran out and he was like, y'all, I'm tripping,
Speaker 3: I'm doing too much. So he got to see those
Speaker 3: sides of you tube to see how you react.
Speaker 4: You felt like you're doing too much.
Speaker 1: No, this was the in the moment of this miscommunication
Speaker 1: she got.
Speaker 4: And just like, yeah, it's just mad. You didn't really
Speaker 4: feel like that.
Speaker 1: I felt I didn't feel like I was doing too much.
Speaker 1: But I felt like if I don't remove myself from
Speaker 1: the situation, it can turn negative, and I don't want
Speaker 1: to do that. Like, I know my capabilities. I know
Speaker 1: I'm about to Chris, how did you know your women?
Speaker 3: Brittany?
Speaker 1: Okay, how did you know she was the one?
Speaker 3: A lot of time, a lot of working with each other.
Speaker 3: We do therapy, so us just kind of growing and
Speaker 3: taking our time and our relationships. So a lot of
Speaker 3: people always say, like, you're not married, spent five years
Speaker 3: in now I want to get married now I'm ready,
Speaker 3: But I feel like we just spent a lot of
Speaker 3: time building, building our relationship with God, building our relationship
Speaker 3: with each other, seeing every aspect of each other.
Speaker 4: How have you guys been together five years?
Speaker 3: I know I'm about to hear why you ain't married?
Speaker 4: It isn't a long time married.
Speaker 3: We aren't married yet.
Speaker 4: No, are you getting married?
Speaker 1: Look at that?
Speaker 4: I want to hear her. Go ahead.
Speaker 3: How long?
Speaker 4: So you guys have been together five years?
Speaker 2: You've already explored guard God, you know this is your
Speaker 2: person person and you be in a relationship expert five years.
Speaker 3: I don't think there's a timeline, right.
Speaker 2: Do you think that's you think that's a long but
Speaker 2: you think that's a long time normal. I don't think
Speaker 2: that's a long time. It's like my regular relationship around
Speaker 2: the corner, like I have with anybody. Any All of
Speaker 2: my relationships are five get older.
Speaker 3: The thing is she does, and that's why I know.
Speaker 2: She was getting to wait want I'm sorry. Child is
Speaker 2: thirty thirty, she has time. Do you guys have children?
Speaker 3: We do not have children together, Yes, but she wants children.
Speaker 3: I'm a firm believer in just taking our time. And
Speaker 3: people always tell you know her, her family, my family,
Speaker 3: They want to rush things. Yeah, I do want to
Speaker 3: you have a child. Yeah, I do have a child,
Speaker 3: but I want a child with her.
Speaker 4: Yes.
Speaker 3: So let me let me make this clear too, because
Speaker 3: I know this is going to come out. I'm not
Speaker 3: a perfect man. By any means, and I don't want
Speaker 3: to sit here and appreciate it like I know everything.
Speaker 3: I'm speaking from my experience and things that I've been through.
Speaker 3: I went through my dog years, I went through my
Speaker 3: fun years.
Speaker 6: Not you.
Speaker 4: Yeah, within the past five years.
Speaker 3: Not within the past five years. Absolutely not. When I
Speaker 3: was younger. When I was a young man, I experienced,
Speaker 3: I had fun. You get older, you mature, you live,
Speaker 3: and you learn right. And I'm not here to sit
Speaker 3: here and try to talk like I'm perfect. None of
Speaker 3: my messages are talking about being perfect. I just want
Speaker 3: to once speak about the man that I inspire to
Speaker 3: be and to hold myself accountable and try to inspire
Speaker 3: other young men coming up.
Speaker 1: We can't listen to people who think they're perfect, though
Speaker 1: nobody is perfect. Yeah, because I think you learn the
Speaker 1: most from things that didn't work out, yep. And I
Speaker 1: always feel that way because we've all sat here and
Speaker 1: had some things that did not work out, and some
Speaker 1: of it is not our fun and some of it
Speaker 1: is tend to be able to understand what we've done,
Speaker 1: you know in the past that we're like, Okay, that
Speaker 1: was a mistake, and I can tell you what I
Speaker 1: did so you know not to do the same thing
Speaker 1: I did.
Speaker 4: So are you feeling pressured?
Speaker 3: No, I don't feel her too for a marriage from her? Yes,
Speaker 3: am I feeling pressured? So you feel like she's waiting
Speaker 3: and I know she's ready. She's ready and waiting and
Speaker 3: I know it's like now, now is the time? And
Speaker 3: I prayed on it and I know I know it's time.
Speaker 1: So I want to say, asked one more question, because
Speaker 1: when Laura was asking, you said no. Stephanie said what's
Speaker 1: the date? And you said, I'm not going to tell
Speaker 1: you the date? So you in your mind know that
Speaker 1: you one of my forward with this. You have it,
Speaker 1: but you just are going to work on it, and
Speaker 1: that it happened when it happened.
Speaker 3: No, right, That's.
Speaker 2: What I'm That's what I'm getting at, Like, you know
Speaker 2: what you want to do, and you know that they're
Speaker 2: timing and you're figuring it out.
Speaker 1: What do you think about ultimating? That's what I get
Speaker 1: from that because sometimes in relationships people feel like, look,
Speaker 1: we've been together X amount of years and you know,
Speaker 1: and there is a show on Netflix that I just
Speaker 1: reference called The Ultimatum, But what do you think about
Speaker 1: women being like Okay, we've been together eight years, and
Speaker 1: so what are we doing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's her boundary. She setting her boundaries and what
Speaker 3: she wants in the relationship. If that's what she wants,
Speaker 3: you got to respect that she's communicating it with you,
Speaker 3: like you communicate it with the sex thing, right, You're
Speaker 3: letting your man know and it's his decision to decide
Speaker 3: what he wants to do with that. I'm going to
Speaker 3: do the right thing, or I'm just going to avoid
Speaker 3: you and just keep doing what I want and I
Speaker 3: broke up with him. Yeah, I think communication is very
Speaker 3: That's why it's so healthy, right, communication, Because when you
Speaker 3: don't tell your partner and then you break up, you
Speaker 3: feel like the bad person because you didn't communicate what
Speaker 3: was wrong in the relationship. But when you communicate and
Speaker 3: you're being consistent and your partner's not doing what they want,
Speaker 3: it's so much easier for you to just walk away
Speaker 3: because it's like I told.
Speaker 2: You, But sometimes over communicating, Like, I'm a very communicated person.
Speaker 4: I love to communicate. I'm very emotional. I agree with you,
Speaker 4: you can't over communicate, bro I am very.
Speaker 2: To the point where it's like Nagari, right, and this
Speaker 2: is what I'm saying, or it's just CMI.
Speaker 4: That's how I felt like, we're my situation.
Speaker 2: Like he felt that because I was communicating and expressing
Speaker 2: how I'm feeling at the moment, is that I was
Speaker 2: upset or that I was angry.
Speaker 4: But I'm like, I'm not.
Speaker 2: I'm just expressing how I feel and how some of
Speaker 2: your moves make me feel. I know it's unintentional, but
Speaker 2: it's still having these feelings, and I just want you
Speaker 2: to know that so you could be aware of it
Speaker 2: and be a little more mindful when you make the
Speaker 2: moves that you make.
Speaker 3: Isn't that crazy how it works? I feel like women
Speaker 3: are always going to feel they're over communicating because women
Speaker 3: are much more emotional than men, and it's a man's job.
Speaker 1: List hear that from me.
Speaker 3: Men were meant to carry the burdens of his family, right,
Speaker 3: So what a woman's communicating with you, I think what
Speaker 3: men lack is the ability to put their anxiety to
Speaker 3: a side, to the side and listen to their women
Speaker 3: and understand her. Because what happens is men want to
Speaker 3: fix things. So when a woman's telling her what's telling
Speaker 3: him what's wrong. This has bothered me. Instantly he gets
Speaker 3: into an anxiety mode like he wants to fix it, like,
Speaker 3: just be quiet, we will fix this is.
Speaker 1: What we're going to do. We're going to figure it out.
Speaker 3: And a woman wants to talk through it, yes.
Speaker 1: And the man is on his actions and.
Speaker 3: I got high anxiety. I don't want to really engage
Speaker 3: in this conversation, and they try to brush it off.
Speaker 3: But I think when a man could get a asking,
Speaker 3: a man can understand a woman's feelings validate her feelings. First,
Speaker 3: I understand why you feel this way, even if he
Speaker 3: doesn't at the moment, I understand why you feel this way.
Speaker 3: Just give me a little bit of time to just
Speaker 3: kind of figure out how I can get my thoughts
Speaker 3: together and communicate how I feel with you. And that's
Speaker 3: for a woman too. A woman is very high anxiety,
Speaker 3: or a woman is very high strung, so when she
Speaker 3: gets upset, her first thought is sometimes she loses it
Speaker 3: in her being able to be like, you know, I
Speaker 3: need to chill. Why do I feel the way I do?
Speaker 3: What's the real reason I feel the way I do?
Speaker 3: Bringing herself back and then having a healthy conversation, because
Speaker 3: yelling and screaming is not going to fix anything.
Speaker 1: Some people say I act like a dude in relationships
Speaker 1: because I'd be mad calm till I do not want
Speaker 1: to talk about everything all the time. It's true, like
Speaker 1: you're also a laid back person in general.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you was gonna say that's because you were.
Speaker 7: Let's talk about you got her saying that Angelo got
Speaker 7: that New York, you got that New York that. I
Speaker 7: will say this like people think like the man is
Speaker 7: the only masculine in the relationship.
Speaker 3: That's not true. The woman could be the masculine, the
Speaker 3: man could be the feminine one.
Speaker 1: Can we both be mascular hilarity?
Speaker 3: The balance is the balance of the two. So there's
Speaker 3: the masculine and the feminine. It might be the woman,
Speaker 3: it might be the man, but there has to be
Speaker 3: that balance.
Speaker 4: Then it can't be too masculine.
Speaker 3: No, it's not gonna work out. There has to be
Speaker 3: a masculine and the feminine, and that has to balance
Speaker 3: yourself out.
Speaker 1: Balance auto.
Speaker 3: Look at two women that are together, you always know
Speaker 3: right away who's the mask. You know who's the femine.
Speaker 1: What are some things you learned from your dog years?
Speaker 3: What did I learn from I've learned that there was
Speaker 3: a time where you know, I would talk to multiple women,
Speaker 3: I never got anywhere. I think those were my most
Speaker 3: unsuccessful years of my life until I realized, like man,
Speaker 3: I met brilliant in my life changed. Not saying I
Speaker 3: was doing bad, but focusing on one person. Is somebody
Speaker 3: that believes in you, is your teammate, is your partner
Speaker 3: and helping you grow. There's nothing better than that. And
Speaker 3: when you when you try to spread yourself too thing
Speaker 3: and talk to multiple.
Speaker 1: People, you get nowhere fast.
Speaker 3: You get nowhere.
Speaker 1: It's time consuming and I don't know how people do it.
Speaker 4: I can.
Speaker 5: I don't have the attention span. I have the attention
Speaker 5: span of a goldfish. I can't talk some more than
Speaker 5: like three people a day, like but definitely I can't
Speaker 5: even Okay, so I'm I don't want to talk about
Speaker 5: my personal situations.
Speaker 4: But I'm doing fine now.
Speaker 1: You post some stuff on social media.
Speaker 5: No, I haven't been in the country. I don't even
Speaker 5: know where I'm at. I'm living a hole matrix. I
Speaker 5: don't even know where where we are, Like it's yeah,
Speaker 5: so anyway, I still have a question though, like about
Speaker 5: me relationship question. Like, Okay, so I meet guys and
Speaker 5: This is throughout my life. This is an issue throughout
Speaker 5: my life. Right I meet guys and I find that
Speaker 5: they want to get serious very fast, right like making plans.
Speaker 4: This is throughout my entire life. And then I.
Speaker 2: Feel like the faster you do that, the faster you burn,
Speaker 2: you know, like because we get to like we get
Speaker 2: to this fast pace getting to know each other, and
Speaker 2: then you know, you start to see the parson that
Speaker 2: you hate of the person quickly.
Speaker 4: I don't have any patience, you know.
Speaker 5: I think I've I've lost I may have given up
Speaker 5: on some great men because I don't have any patience.
Speaker 5: I have this thing about me that I just feel
Speaker 5: like I've already been through like the worst relationship of
Speaker 5: my life. And it's like I don't want any bullshit,
Speaker 5: any red flag. I don't even like I'm done. I
Speaker 5: don't want to talk anymore.
Speaker 3: So you don't have patience in relationship.
Speaker 4: I don't have any patient.
Speaker 3: Are you looking for a relationship?
Speaker 4: I think so? In my head? Is that patience?
Speaker 5: Like in my mind, I feel like I want to
Speaker 5: be somebody's wife all the time.
Speaker 3: You have to have patience with people.
Speaker 2: And I feel like I feel like I'm patient with faith.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 4: I'm patient with my faith. I'm patient with.
Speaker 5: God, you know, And I think that's that, you know,
Speaker 5: working on my faith has helped with that because I've
Speaker 5: never been really a patient person. But when it comes
Speaker 5: to men, especially at this point in my life, I
Speaker 5: just feel like I'm just not going to put up
Speaker 5: with any any bullshit.
Speaker 1: I just have.
Speaker 4: Boundaries any over, I understanding your boundaries.
Speaker 2: But then I might meet a guy and he might
Speaker 2: see a red flag in me, because it happens the
Speaker 2: other way around too. I might meet a great guy
Speaker 2: and we're having a great time and then boom, he
Speaker 2: sees a red flag in me, and he doesn't have
Speaker 2: any patience for me either, so it happens back to
Speaker 2: me too.
Speaker 4: So what do you think?
Speaker 3: First of all, relationships are hard, and anybody tells you
Speaker 3: their relations so you have to have patience. And if
Speaker 3: you see red, you're going to see red flags and
Speaker 3: you're gonna see things you don't like about people. But
Speaker 3: is it strong enough for you to just not talk
Speaker 3: to them again? Or is it something petty like hard
Speaker 3: to love?
Speaker 5: Is visient like you'll think that I'm going to be
Speaker 5: there forever and boom you don't hear from me ever.
Speaker 3: Again, it sounds to me like you might just not
Speaker 3: be ready for a relationship right now because maybe has
Speaker 3: been the right person, and it might be that.
Speaker 4: That's what I was about to ask.
Speaker 5: This was my next my add on question, like, if
Speaker 5: the person is really great, you think it's worth being
Speaker 5: a little more patient for even though I see he's
Speaker 5: doing things that I don't love.
Speaker 3: You know how patient I got to be with Branni
Speaker 3: to this day. Patience when I be in the house.
Speaker 4: Sometimes nobody's perfect.
Speaker 1: Yes, you're never You're always going to find something that
Speaker 1: doesn't wait when you be in the house.
Speaker 3: Sometimes I get frustrated. I'm not the type of person
Speaker 3: that likes living with somebody. I need my space, like
Speaker 3: I need to breathe. And then there's times when I
Speaker 3: get frustrated with Brinnie, but I can't just be you know,
Speaker 3: I'm out.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm not happy your man cave somewhere in
Speaker 1: the house.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I got the man case. But even with that,
Speaker 3: you know, it's just there's a level of patience and understanding.
Speaker 3: It's hard enough living with ourselves and then living with
Speaker 3: somebody else. So when you do make that commitment, you
Speaker 3: have to be patient, understanding, loving, and communicate. And a
Speaker 3: lot of that is from things that we've been through.
Speaker 3: It's hard for us to do that, and it's a
Speaker 3: lot of it is anxiety.
Speaker 5: I think I'm just easy to let everything go, like
Speaker 5: fuck it, God, but you have a very fucking mindset.
Speaker 3: But but you're telling me that. It's telling me you're
Speaker 3: not ready for a relationship. If you could just say,
Speaker 3: if you could just let it go, Like if somebody
Speaker 3: was to give you a hundred thousand dollars today, would
Speaker 3: you just be like, you can have it back? Want
Speaker 3: you would be like, no, no, no, I need that money,
Speaker 3: right because you really want that right.
Speaker 4: A couple of times you had therapy.
Speaker 3: You're not gonna give up a gold mind in a
Speaker 3: person either, right, if they're a good person, that's somebody
Speaker 3: you really want. If you're not ready for that relation,
Speaker 3: if you don't want it, you're just gonna give it back.
Speaker 3: But if you're ready for that for it, you're gonna
Speaker 3: work for it.
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 5: Sometimes I look back and regret, like, dam maybe I
Speaker 5: shouldn't have you know, did that?
Speaker 4: Maybe you know? Like and and it's like you can't
Speaker 4: go back.
Speaker 2: You gotta even though I have to say, there's like
Speaker 2: a good percentage that will come back, but it's like
Speaker 2: you want wait, I'll wait it out and by the
Speaker 2: time you know that thought would probably have left already.
Speaker 2: You know where I'm like, oh, I made a mistake,
Speaker 2: so by the time they come back, I probably don't
Speaker 2: want them again.
Speaker 1: Have you have a question for the room? So we,
Speaker 1: like Angela mentioned before, you turn your losses into lessons, right,
Speaker 1: you turn things that don't work out into a learning experience.
Speaker 1: What do we do with our regrets, our relationship regrets.
Speaker 4: I don't regret anything.
Speaker 2: You never every situation I've been in my life, I
Speaker 2: don't regret.
Speaker 4: I regret if you guys I still have, I do too.
Speaker 4: I can't even shine. I haven't had too.
Speaker 2: Many relationships that like, all my relationships have been long
Speaker 2: relationships and hello, I have two kids, like but people
Speaker 2: that right here your kids fall. I feel like God
Speaker 2: put everybody in your life for a reason, and some
Speaker 2: people I forget about to figure out why and what
Speaker 2: that was.
Speaker 1: For, Like I don't necessarily mean a person, but maybe
Speaker 1: a decision.
Speaker 4: No, But this is what I'm.
Speaker 5: Saying, me regretful for you know, curving somebody who could
Speaker 5: have been a potential I don't have regret, good partner.
Speaker 1: For regretting people. I'm like, why do I get that person?
Speaker 1: Don't you wish? Give you waste? Given things that you
Speaker 1: learn from, right, you learn like, I'm not putting up
Speaker 1: with this anymore if this happens. And you know, along
Speaker 1: those lines, right, one of your red flags and this
Speaker 1: is something I don't agree with. You said not posting
Speaker 1: your significant other is a red flag.
Speaker 3: Were talking about that.
Speaker 1: But see, I also feel like for me, I never
Speaker 1: really I've never posted somebody I was dating, and I
Speaker 1: feel like it's different. Also in the entertainment, I was
Speaker 1: going to say that too, it's different for you to
Speaker 1: post your significant other versus because why why is that?
Speaker 1: Because there's more microscope spot Like, there's more there's more
Speaker 1: people watching, there's more outside influences, there are more haters,
Speaker 1: there's just more chatter.
Speaker 4: There's just more energy putting onto it.
Speaker 3: No, none of that, but I have to The thing
Speaker 3: is like, if you're strong with your partner and you
Speaker 3: guys are like this, nothing on the outside world.
Speaker 4: Matters.
Speaker 2: That's because we posted each other. That was that was
Speaker 2: our announcement and they gonna find out anyway.
Speaker 3: Bigger you get, the more you out.
Speaker 4: That was our That was our announcement to the world
Speaker 4: that we were together.
Speaker 1: Like I don't hide my man, I just don't post him.
Speaker 2: He's the.
Speaker 1: But I also feel like I kind of really use
Speaker 1: my social media for more work related things.
Speaker 3: But you just you just said it. You don't have
Speaker 3: you just posted your partner by just saying that you
Speaker 3: have a partner. So you let you.
Speaker 1: Say that knows that she's in a relationship.
Speaker 3: But if you don't, we don't know that you have
Speaker 3: a partner. So she's getting DMS or he's getting DMS.
Speaker 3: You know how many people don't post their partner on purpose,
Speaker 3: So it's just I could look like they're single, look
Speaker 3: like they're just in case something bets case.
Speaker 1: But same times, it's also like depending on why, some
Speaker 1: people are just not like social media people, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. Like for me, I feel like my
Speaker 1: page is more about business than anything, you know, like
Speaker 1: my in interview is what I have going on for work,
Speaker 1: what I'm doing with this and until I kind of
Speaker 1: feel like if I got married or something, I would,
Speaker 1: you know, post from that. But other than that. I'm like,
Speaker 1: everything feels like so much smoother without outside influences to me.
Speaker 5: No, absolutely, Like I just posted a picture and it
Speaker 5: made the whole world turn up side.
Speaker 1: I saw that you posted with some guy and you
Speaker 1: were like, this is my man, and I said said that.
Speaker 4: I never said that. I didn't say anything. I didn't
Speaker 4: say anything, and everybody's like.
Speaker 1: Going this you know what it is because you don't
Speaker 1: post anybody ever, Like finally you post somebody and everybody
Speaker 1: is just going to their speculatory.
Speaker 4: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: It's just like like it's fucking Instagram. But it's true, Like,
Speaker 2: as a person in the entertainment business, my Instagram is
Speaker 2: for a certain thing, you know what I'm saying, it's
Speaker 2: not for all of that. And it's like I just
Speaker 2: gave myself Like I'm telling you, I live in the matrix.
Speaker 2: I don't even like posting my kids and I'll take
Speaker 2: it off, but I don't even because I don't even
Speaker 2: like posting my kids because this is social media.
Speaker 1: For one, because said that your man should not be
Speaker 1: liking other pictures. No little I like that either, you know,
Speaker 1: But I'm gonna be honest, like that's.
Speaker 4: Never choose to do that. I used to grab my gears.
Speaker 3: I'm trying to give you all free because we got men.
Speaker 3: I know men, so I know what we're thinking. I
Speaker 3: know why we do things we do.
Speaker 1: I would I would see a random girl on my
Speaker 1: Explorer page and I would like, Oh, she's cute, let
Speaker 1: me see and I would look and then it'd be
Speaker 1: like my man in her life, and I'm just like
Speaker 1: and then I will look to see if he's following her,
Speaker 1: and it's like, he's not following her.
Speaker 3: And then imagine if he ain't posting you, then he.
Speaker 2: Wasn't posting me. This is not this is not my
Speaker 2: current relationship.
Speaker 4: This is good now.
Speaker 3: I'm saying though, for people that are going through it,
Speaker 3: they're heart in other women's pictures and then they the
Speaker 3: women go to their page because they think they're attractive, want.
Speaker 2: To talk to a guy who likes pictures like Chris.
Speaker 1: A lot of women like your posts, yeah right, And.
Speaker 3: I think a lot of men disagree because they don't
Speaker 3: want to hold themselves acount.
Speaker 1: And a lot of men do not like you.
Speaker 3: No, but you'll be surprised if you go to my inbox,
Speaker 3: you'll see how many men like yo Chris, I really
Speaker 3: and it'd be a lot of I'm gonna start doing
Speaker 3: some podcasts with some men that are the mature men
Speaker 3: that really kind of relate to what I'm talking about.
Speaker 3: Men reach out like, Yo, Chris, I appreciate what you're saying.
Speaker 3: You're holding me accountable. Men that don't like, I'm not
Speaker 3: saying anything crazy. I'm not saying anything that's not that.
Speaker 3: I don't feel like I'm saying anything that's outlandis. I'm
Speaker 3: just speaking from a very traditional point.
Speaker 1: And I love it, Like and I've used your some
Speaker 1: of your content on my Way Up with Angela Ye's
Speaker 1: show at a certain time. I actually heard that, Yeah no,
Speaker 1: because I like that, Like I enjoy relationship talk and
Speaker 1: I like to hear. But you know, some men would
Speaker 1: be like, oh, he's just trying to kid it. You
Speaker 1: know what. So many men that are so negative towards women.
Speaker 1: There's so many men, in my personal opinion, are but
Speaker 1: hurt because they're first crushing third grade like Timmy instead
Speaker 1: of them, and they carry this on with them and
Speaker 1: they bash women and they put women down. And that's
Speaker 1: not the only reason. They have multiple reasons why they
Speaker 1: feel like they're superior to women, and they have to
Speaker 1: put women down in order to feel better about themselves.
Speaker 1: And I feel like you definitely don't give that. And
Speaker 1: those men who feel that way look at you like, oh,
Speaker 1: you a sellout, or or you only saying it because
Speaker 1: you're trying to get the girls on your side.
Speaker 3: People don't realize. So, Derek Jackson, I was doing this.
Speaker 4: I was.
Speaker 3: I was the card videos that you that you see
Speaker 3: people doing with the relationship. If you go back to
Speaker 3: my Facebook, I started all that.
Speaker 2: That was me.
Speaker 3: Don't do that. The boy he kind of blew up.
Speaker 3: He kind of blew up before me and did his
Speaker 3: own thing. And I'm not trying to take any credit
Speaker 3: from him. I don't know his situation. I don't, I don't,
Speaker 3: I don't really care.
Speaker 2: I'm just saying, but doing best something I've been very
Speaker 2: passionate about because this is something that my father and
Speaker 2: my mother spoke into me.
Speaker 3: Yes it works, yes it does well, but that's not
Speaker 3: the whole meaning behind this. I feel like this is
Speaker 3: my purpose. This is what God wants me. God wants
Speaker 3: me to speak on healthy relationships. I feel like I
Speaker 3: have a niche, not just a niche for this, but
Speaker 3: a blessing to do this.
Speaker 4: But I want you to be to speak on it
Speaker 4: or be an example of.
Speaker 3: All of it. How many negative messages out there? And
Speaker 3: I'm ready for the fire. People look at me crazy.
Speaker 3: Oh he's a he's a simp. Oh he's a square.
Speaker 4: I don't not care about Derek ja now.
Speaker 3: I mean, I.
Speaker 4: Was going to bring it up, and I'm glad you did.
Speaker 3: I just kept.
Speaker 4: I was going to ask you, like, how did that?
Speaker 2: How did what he did being what you're doing and
Speaker 2: it's similar, you know, and what happened with him? Because
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie I was tight because I used
Speaker 2: to listen to that, like you know, I used to
Speaker 2: listen to him.
Speaker 1: I never felt it though I feel it from you, right,
Speaker 1: but I never felt it did genuineness.
Speaker 4: How did it affect your business?
Speaker 2: Because regardless you may be different, it is I feel him,
Speaker 2: but it had to have some type of effect.
Speaker 3: I think this is not a bit like this is. Yes,
Speaker 3: I might build it and be successful, but I'm a businessman,
Speaker 3: like I have properties, I have other investments. This isn't
Speaker 3: my main nich. This is the niche that I feel
Speaker 3: like God.
Speaker 4: It's more of a hind contial hustle.
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. Like, I'm not here for
Speaker 3: the for the glam. You're not gonna see me pull
Speaker 3: up in here with everything name. But that's not my style.
Speaker 3: I'm a very simple man. Like I'm very simple, I'm
Speaker 3: very traditional from a small town, and I will always
Speaker 3: stick no matter where I go with this. I'm always
Speaker 3: gonna stick to my values and you're gonna see that.
Speaker 3: I'm never gonna change. I'm never gonna be any different.
Speaker 4: All right.
Speaker 1: Well, that is the end a Part one of lip
Speaker 1: Service with a Relationship Coach Chris GQ Perry answering questions
Speaker 1: from myself, from Laura Mora, from gg McGuire, from Stephanie Santiago,
Speaker 1: and next week we'll have some more questions, plus we
Speaker 1: will have some responses and answers to those questions from
Speaker 1: some guys. So y'all tune in for that, because you
Speaker 1: know what, we can't just hear one side of the story.
Speaker 1: Lip Service Part two with Relationship Coach GQ Perry coming
Speaker 1: next week.