WEBVTT - Which Country Has the Happiest Kids? Why? 0:00:03.760 --> 0:00:04.720 Now really. 0:00:06.760 --> 0:00:11.440 Really now really hello, and welcome to really know really 0:00:11.480 --> 0:00:14.120 with Jason Alexander and Peter Tilden, who remind you that 0:00:14.240 --> 0:00:16.759 children of people who subscribe to our show are the 0:00:16.800 --> 0:00:19.560 happiest children in the world. The caveat to that is 0:00:19.560 --> 0:00:22.600 that your subscription and your children must be in the Netherlands, 0:00:22.760 --> 0:00:25.680 because the recent study suggests that children in the Netherlands 0:00:25.760 --> 0:00:27.880 are in fact the happiest kids in the world. And 0:00:27.920 --> 0:00:29.640 when we heard that here in the Home Office, our 0:00:29.680 --> 0:00:33.400 reaction was naturally really no, really, So Jason and Peter 0:00:33.479 --> 0:00:35.880 became determined to find out how a country was able 0:00:35.880 --> 0:00:38.640 to lay claim to having the happiest children in the world, and, 0:00:38.720 --> 0:00:41.599 more importantly, if true, what could be learned from their 0:00:41.680 --> 0:00:44.360 child rearing techniques. They also wanted to figure out the 0:00:44.360 --> 0:00:46.720 correct name for the country, since people refer to it 0:00:46.760 --> 0:00:51.199 as Netherlands or the Netherlands or Holland. It's all very confusing, 0:00:51.400 --> 0:00:54.280 so for answers they turned to an actual Netherlander or 0:00:54.320 --> 0:00:57.640 whatever they're called, very unique vonder Klay. She's a child 0:00:57.640 --> 0:00:59.920 and school psychologist who has also worked at the Intern 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:02.960 National School of the Hague with children, adolescents and their 0:01:02.960 --> 0:01:06.039 families and now here are two guys whose children really 0:01:06.080 --> 0:01:07.800 wish they had done this episode years ago. 0:01:08.080 --> 0:01:08.800 Jason and Peter. 0:01:09.400 --> 0:01:12.200 I know today is a very uh it's kind of 0:01:12.200 --> 0:01:16.360 a wonderful topic, but it depresses me going in because 0:01:16.400 --> 0:01:19.280 by its very nature it's comparative, and I'm on the 0:01:19.319 --> 0:01:23.480 wrong side of the comparison. Other people are happy and 0:01:23.920 --> 0:01:29.120 add E r happy er than I am, and by 0:01:29.160 --> 0:01:30.200 the way in the world around. 0:01:30.280 --> 0:01:31.960 But the thing that she make you happy is you 0:01:32.040 --> 0:01:34.600 have a best friend and partner. Most of the time, 0:01:34.680 --> 0:01:36.720 barometer wized is even less avocate. 0:01:37.600 --> 0:01:39.200 Hence that's why it makes you feel. 0:01:39.440 --> 0:01:42.320 You feel so much better and me continuously crappy. So 0:01:42.360 --> 0:01:43.240 this show, I say, what. 0:01:43.240 --> 0:01:44.560 Makes the best friend a best friend? 0:01:44.640 --> 0:01:47.720 You feel better an the when they do because they 0:01:47.760 --> 0:01:49.320 are worse comparison. 0:01:49.320 --> 0:01:51.240 You call me and you go, how's your day? And 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:53.640 I go, oh, man, it's not good. You go, wow, 0:01:54.680 --> 0:01:56.760 I'm having a pretty good day. I'm tackling. I'm tackling. 0:01:57.040 --> 0:02:01.160 So the topic is the Netherlands are home to the 0:02:01.200 --> 0:02:02.160 happiest kids in the. 0:02:02.080 --> 0:02:05.600 World that there's already in and of its. 0:02:05.680 --> 0:02:09.440 I got so annoyed, Why well the Netherlands, even the 0:02:09.600 --> 0:02:13.960 name and even the notes nothing the nether regions, right, 0:02:14.120 --> 0:02:15.960 don't go down there, that's your nether part. 0:02:16.120 --> 0:02:18.520 So already. Usually when we see a topic that makes 0:02:18.520 --> 0:02:20.200 it go really, it makes it go really no really, 0:02:20.240 --> 0:02:24.239 this one had an adute went really no, really, they're 0:02:24.240 --> 0:02:27.559 the happiest kids in the world. So and the Netherlands, 0:02:27.639 --> 0:02:29.880 I guarantee. Now, if you're listening, if I walked in 0:02:29.960 --> 0:02:31.400 the street, did a man on the street right now 0:02:31.400 --> 0:02:35.880 insteads where's the Netherland? People wouldn't know it's a country, right, 0:02:35.919 --> 0:02:38.960 they wouldn't know if it's the Netherlands or Netherlands? Right? 0:02:39.600 --> 0:02:42.960 Is it Holland? Is it? Why are you not calling 0:02:43.000 --> 0:02:47.480 it the Holland? And are the people the Holland deers? 0:02:47.639 --> 0:02:49.760 And by the way, there's a whole the whole place 0:02:49.800 --> 0:02:50.680 you live is a fesso. 0:02:51.000 --> 0:02:52.079 How can you be happy? 0:02:52.240 --> 0:02:53.920 Every other country? This that in the room said, what 0:02:53.919 --> 0:02:58.640 do you think? How Schmelsburg not good billy Germany. Let's 0:02:58.680 --> 0:03:02.080 go with that. Yeah, here they went the Netherlands. Sounds 0:03:02.120 --> 0:03:05.079 like we're going over the hill to an area of nondescript. 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:07.399 It's kind of like, yeah, yeah, where's it begin? Where's it? 0:03:07.400 --> 0:03:09.440 Sounds like something in Hoppita and the Hague is there, 0:03:10.040 --> 0:03:13.079 the Hague I made myself left day. 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:14.560 I'm happy every because of the Netherlands. 0:03:14.960 --> 0:03:16.880 So we're gonna talk about that. So before we talk 0:03:17.000 --> 0:03:20.680 about that, though, in this country, we have our our 0:03:21.080 --> 0:03:23.600 traditions and the way we raise our kids in culture. 0:03:23.919 --> 0:03:26.440 So I thought we'd give a comparative of some of 0:03:26.480 --> 0:03:28.200 the other cultures in the world. So when we have 0:03:28.320 --> 0:03:31.720 this guest on, we know how it's a child psychologist. 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:34.720 Great and she talks about what's going on in the 0:03:34.720 --> 0:03:36.400 Netherlands slash Hollands slash. 0:03:40.120 --> 0:03:42.320 So there's a copyright infringement right there. 0:03:42.160 --> 0:03:44.400 All right, so let's find out. Let's talk to a 0:03:44.440 --> 0:03:49.640 culture that allegedly has the happiest. So joining us now 0:03:50.280 --> 0:03:53.600 is Veronic Voni. 0:03:55.320 --> 0:03:57.800 You're gonna mess up the last that I know, but 0:03:57.880 --> 0:03:58.600 at least get. 0:03:58.440 --> 0:04:03.360 The very neat there you go, very neat now Clay, right, 0:04:03.600 --> 0:04:07.800 Vander Clay, Clay, I do this. 0:04:07.880 --> 0:04:11.600 I got obviously someone else should be doing this. It 0:04:11.720 --> 0:04:14.560 was a beautiful did your study it's a it's a 0:04:14.560 --> 0:04:17.840 beautiful name, and thank you for coming on. You are 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:21.040 a child psychologist in the Netherlands. And we saw the 0:04:21.080 --> 0:04:25.560 headline that the Netherlands is home to the world's happiest children, 0:04:25.600 --> 0:04:28.760 and we had to find out a why b if 0:04:28.800 --> 0:04:32.159 that's accurate how they judged that. But before we even 0:04:32.200 --> 0:04:37.159 get into that, is it the Netherlands, Netherlands, Holland, the 0:04:37.279 --> 0:04:39.120 kingdom of what is your country? 0:04:39.200 --> 0:04:41.560 Sometimes there's the sometimes there's not. 0:04:41.760 --> 0:04:46.520 The It is the Netherlands, all right? 0:04:46.600 --> 0:04:46.880 Yeah? 0:04:46.920 --> 0:04:51.720 And do you know offhand why it is the Netherlands? 0:04:52.400 --> 0:04:55.039 Is that was there a guy named nether was there? 0:04:55.360 --> 0:04:58.640 Was it a region that people it was below other things, 0:04:59.080 --> 0:05:00.760 you know, and the history of how it. 0:05:00.960 --> 0:05:04.000 Now prepared for this that's okay, I. 0:05:03.920 --> 0:05:05.720 Have it for the end. I have it for the end. 0:05:05.800 --> 0:05:12.240 Okay, okay, all right, you want to ask questions. So 0:05:12.320 --> 0:05:16.120 let's talk about children, educated and highly respected person. 0:05:16.040 --> 0:05:19.159 So what's different in the way kids are raised there 0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:21.320 culturally than anywhere else. 0:05:21.240 --> 0:05:21.880 In the Netherlands. 0:05:22.000 --> 0:05:25.440 In the Netherlands, Yeah, it would make them happen. Now 0:05:25.480 --> 0:05:25.880 you're doing it. 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:27.360 I knew it. 0:05:27.480 --> 0:05:30.640 I knew it. You guys wanted us up. You know 0:05:30.720 --> 0:05:36.120 that the lies it is really Holland. But somehow all right. Nevertheless, so, yes, 0:05:36.279 --> 0:05:39.960 kids in the Netherlands, what's going on there that allegedly 0:05:40.000 --> 0:05:40.880 makes them the happiest. 0:05:41.640 --> 0:05:44.960 Yeah, well, I do have to say obviously we're not 0:05:45.120 --> 0:05:47.159 perfect either, but I think there are quite a few 0:05:47.160 --> 0:05:51.359 things that we do that are having a positive effect 0:05:51.440 --> 0:05:54.359 on our children's well being. I think one of the 0:05:54.440 --> 0:05:58.919 things that we're very very good at is allowing our 0:05:59.000 --> 0:06:03.240 children to learn independence at a very young age. We 0:06:03.400 --> 0:06:06.160 tend and I'm not saying that everyone does that, but 0:06:06.240 --> 0:06:12.040 we tend to let our children play quite independently by themselves, 0:06:12.120 --> 0:06:16.440 like at the playground, without hovering too much, without you know, 0:06:16.600 --> 0:06:20.880 catching them as soon as they might fall. Also with 0:06:21.160 --> 0:06:24.640 for example, we cycle quite a bit here in the 0:06:24.680 --> 0:06:30.000 Netherlands from a very very young age, and so children 0:06:30.120 --> 0:06:34.240 learn this independence cycling by themselves. Also to school very 0:06:34.400 --> 0:06:38.400 very young, usually when they're about like nine or ten. 0:06:39.160 --> 0:06:42.680 We do already allow them to go independently to school 0:06:42.800 --> 0:06:45.920 on their bicycles, but that's something that they learn quite young, 0:06:45.960 --> 0:06:48.919 and I think that we try as Dutch parents to 0:06:48.960 --> 0:06:51.120 give them a lot of freedom, and I think that 0:06:51.279 --> 0:06:54.479 is part of one of the reasons why I think 0:06:54.560 --> 0:06:56.679 they are quite happy in that sense. 0:06:56.760 --> 0:06:59.839 So anecdotally, what that reminds me of very nick is 0:07:00.320 --> 0:07:02.920 when I was a kid in my neighborhood. 0:07:03.480 --> 0:07:04.000 Same thing. 0:07:04.240 --> 0:07:07.320 I was on my bike my you know, I would 0:07:07.360 --> 0:07:09.520 have breakfast on a Saturday, and then I'd go on 0:07:09.640 --> 0:07:12.440 my bike and I'd be with my friends, no parental supervision, 0:07:13.040 --> 0:07:15.200 and we'd come back for dinner. And that was the 0:07:15.280 --> 0:07:19.320 norm if my child. When I became a parent a 0:07:19.400 --> 0:07:24.160 mere thirty something years later, that was the scariest thing 0:07:24.200 --> 0:07:24.960 we could imagine. 0:07:25.000 --> 0:07:27.680 What wait, let me ask you something there, because the 0:07:27.680 --> 0:07:30.280 same thing with me, although my parents didn't care as much, 0:07:30.320 --> 0:07:33.120 so there was not that much. But in our neighborhood, 0:07:33.600 --> 0:07:36.560 in our neighborhood's growing up at that point, it was 0:07:36.760 --> 0:07:40.800 my neighbors knew they would. There are a lot of 0:07:40.840 --> 0:07:43.560 eyes on kids, so it was very different. 0:07:43.680 --> 0:07:45.240 And is that true there as well? 0:07:45.240 --> 0:07:48.240 That it's sort of the village is aware that the 0:07:48.320 --> 0:07:52.040 children are out and so as a community, you know, 0:07:52.160 --> 0:07:54.360 they're watching other kids and the adults are sort of 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:59.000 keeping a distant but but focused eye on these kids. 0:07:59.200 --> 0:07:59.400 Yeah. 0:07:59.440 --> 0:08:01.680 I think it's so like a safety thing. I think 0:08:01.720 --> 0:08:04.560 that's what you guys are talking about, right. It is, 0:08:05.080 --> 0:08:07.880 I mean relatively safe here in the Netherlands, and our 0:08:07.960 --> 0:08:10.160 roads are built so for if we're talking about the 0:08:10.240 --> 0:08:14.920 cycling that we can safely cycle almost everywhere. It's easier 0:08:14.960 --> 0:08:17.240 almost to take it. No, it is easier to take 0:08:17.240 --> 0:08:23.160 your bicycle everywhere and not take your car. So it's 0:08:23.800 --> 0:08:27.120 relatively safe here. But you know, we're also quite a 0:08:27.160 --> 0:08:30.280 small country, so that feeling of you know, community and 0:08:30.720 --> 0:08:33.320 not that we know everyone, but it is, you know, 0:08:33.679 --> 0:08:35.760 taking care of each other. Even if you don't know 0:08:35.840 --> 0:08:38.200 that child that's crossing the street with the bike, you do, 0:08:38.920 --> 0:08:40.320 you know, take care of each other. 0:08:40.200 --> 0:08:40.880 In that sense. 0:08:41.520 --> 0:08:44.160 How much is that truly a part of the formula 0:08:44.360 --> 0:08:48.360 for the fact that you have these happy kids? Is 0:08:48.400 --> 0:08:52.040 it the fact that it really is small communities in 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:54.480 a small country. And I would also imagine, and I 0:08:54.520 --> 0:08:58.920 don't mean this in any pejorative way, sort of homogeneous communities, 0:09:00.320 --> 0:09:00.880 you know what I mean. 0:09:01.040 --> 0:09:02.440 It's the culture dates back. 0:09:02.559 --> 0:09:06.000 So yeah, there's there's a My impression of having never 0:09:06.040 --> 0:09:09.400 been there, is that there's sort of a singular culture. 0:09:09.480 --> 0:09:12.480 There isn't a sort of melting pot culture that we 0:09:12.520 --> 0:09:13.480 have here in the US. 0:09:13.559 --> 0:09:15.080 Is that true? 0:09:15.320 --> 0:09:17.679 No, we do have quite a few different cultures here 0:09:17.720 --> 0:09:23.679 as well. Yeah, we definitely do. We have lots of 0:09:23.720 --> 0:09:27.880 different communities, the Turkish, the Moroccan communities. We have a 0:09:27.880 --> 0:09:31.959 lot of people who've come from Africa as well who've 0:09:32.000 --> 0:09:36.760 settled here right here or so it's it's not just Dutch. 0:09:37.400 --> 0:09:40.760 We also have, especially like in the Hague. I live 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:43.800 close to the Hague, a lot of international families that 0:09:43.840 --> 0:09:46.360 come and live here because of a lot of the 0:09:46.400 --> 0:09:51.560 international organizations that we have here. So it's definitely not 0:09:51.679 --> 0:09:53.160 just Dutch. But it depends on where you go in 0:09:53.200 --> 0:09:57.280 the Netherlands. So where I live, it's very very international, 0:09:58.480 --> 0:10:02.120 and we do have a lot of people who have 0:10:02.320 --> 0:10:07.080 immigrated here, but there's also areas in the Netherlands that 0:10:07.200 --> 0:10:08.080 it's very. 0:10:08.000 --> 0:10:13.160 Very touch Yeah, okay, question the bike, the Viking, the 0:10:13.240 --> 0:10:15.600 letting kids be independent of a certain age and looking 0:10:15.640 --> 0:10:18.600 out for other people's kids. Does it translate across all 0:10:20.080 --> 0:10:22.000 all the cultures there kind of feel the same way 0:10:22.000 --> 0:10:24.160 about it. When they're exposed to that, they all embrace it. 0:10:25.280 --> 0:10:27.520 Yeah, And I think I think other cultures have to 0:10:27.559 --> 0:10:31.280 get used to it, because I mean I recently went 0:10:31.360 --> 0:10:35.000 on holiday with my family and we were out at 0:10:34.520 --> 0:10:37.480 the playground and you could see a couple. It was 0:10:38.040 --> 0:10:42.280 a Dutch father and an American mother, and the Dutch 0:10:42.280 --> 0:10:45.120 father was like, well, just let let let our daughter 0:10:45.240 --> 0:10:48.320 go play, and the mom was like, He's like, oh, 0:10:48.400 --> 0:10:50.560 let it go. She's fun. So you know, those cultures, 0:10:50.559 --> 0:10:52.360 they also have to get used to it, right, but 0:10:52.400 --> 0:10:54.480 they do. I think they do embrace it and they 0:10:54.520 --> 0:10:57.400 see they see the benefit too. I noticed it with 0:10:57.480 --> 0:10:59.319 some of the clients that I've had that I've had 0:10:59.320 --> 0:11:03.640 as well into national clients in my practice. The parents say, yeah, 0:11:03.640 --> 0:11:06.680 we've learnt a lot from the Dutch letting our children 0:11:06.720 --> 0:11:07.400 go a bit more. 0:11:08.880 --> 0:11:12.079 I'm curious. I remembered an incident with Robert when he 0:11:12.160 --> 0:11:15.079 was six seven years old. He's playing soccer, and soccer 0:11:15.080 --> 0:11:18.960 at that age is really about fifteen kids in a scrum. 0:11:19.000 --> 0:11:21.760 They all get together, everybody's kicking everybody, dust is going up, 0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:25.040 and then they separate. They're not really playing soccer fertida 0:11:25.080 --> 0:11:28.160 the United States. It's not good. But I remember Robert 0:11:28.160 --> 0:11:31.480 got pushed down and I, of course my wife and 0:11:31.640 --> 0:11:33.959 rush out because my poor boy is on the ground crying. 0:11:33.960 --> 0:11:36.320 And the mother of the other kid rushed out and 0:11:36.360 --> 0:11:38.080 instead of saying to the kid, why did you push them? 0:11:38.160 --> 0:11:39.640 She said, how did that make you feel? And I 0:11:39.679 --> 0:11:42.960 knew something had changed. When the bully was being asked, 0:11:42.960 --> 0:11:46.160 how does that make you feel where you are? Did 0:11:46.200 --> 0:11:48.880 the parents interact and solve the kid's problems at that 0:11:48.960 --> 0:11:52.160 age or do they let the kids figure out how 0:11:52.160 --> 0:11:54.400 to get through the day without us hovering and without 0:11:54.480 --> 0:11:55.760 us solving all your problems? 0:11:56.520 --> 0:11:58.599 Yeah, I think it. Yeah, I think it depends on 0:11:58.960 --> 0:12:01.440 the age. But we do try to encourage them to 0:12:01.520 --> 0:12:05.160 solve things by themselves. Also, like if you see like 0:12:05.240 --> 0:12:08.080 little kids like sometimes falling at the playground, it's not 0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:10.840 like the parents right away rush to help them. And 0:12:10.920 --> 0:12:14.800 I'm not saying all parents, right, but other kids help 0:12:14.880 --> 0:12:17.319 them as well, right, And it's not that the parents 0:12:17.360 --> 0:12:21.560 aren't aware. We're aware, we're looking, but we're teaching them 0:12:21.679 --> 0:12:25.480 maybe differently, right, teaching them to get up by themselves 0:12:25.520 --> 0:12:27.880 or get their peers to help them. You learn a 0:12:27.880 --> 0:12:29.760 lot from your peers as well. I mean, you learn 0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:33.960 a lot from your parents, obviously, But yeah, so I think. 0:12:33.800 --> 0:12:36.640 It's that reflects something Peter and I were talking about 0:12:36.640 --> 0:12:40.760 before you joined us about my kids. My wife and 0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:43.040 I tried a program when we were raising our kids 0:12:43.120 --> 0:12:45.880 when they were little that was developed by a woman 0:12:45.920 --> 0:12:51.120 named Mogged Gerber, and it was called Research education infants, 0:12:51.320 --> 0:12:56.400 And it was also very much the sort of engage 0:12:56.440 --> 0:12:59.560 the child in their own life, even at the very 0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:03.160 early of a month, six weeks, eight weeks. But when 0:13:03.200 --> 0:13:05.640 a child would get when a baby would get frustrated 0:13:05.720 --> 0:13:07.600 in a group of you know, there'd be like an 0:13:07.640 --> 0:13:11.120 open mat and the babies are wandering around and they 0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:16.200 get frustrated with something. The philosophy there was don't run 0:13:16.200 --> 0:13:20.199 in and save it so fast. First of all, they 0:13:20.240 --> 0:13:23.640 may figure it out. And second of all, it's okay 0:13:23.679 --> 0:13:25.880 to be frustrated. That's one of those things that you 0:13:25.920 --> 0:13:28.720 can be frustrated and get through it. And I was 0:13:28.720 --> 0:13:30.840 saying to Peter it worked very well for one of 0:13:30.880 --> 0:13:33.480 my kids and not very well for my other son. 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:36.760 And so, you know, I think it must be. 0:13:36.720 --> 0:13:38.960 Hard as a parent because you work with children, but 0:13:38.960 --> 0:13:40.719 I'm sure you work with families too, so it must 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:45.600 be hard for parents who have the inclination to jump 0:13:45.640 --> 0:13:50.840 in to hold back. Is there for you if you 0:13:50.880 --> 0:13:53.599 were just giving general advice to a parent who is 0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:56.000 struggling with you know when to jump in and when not. 0:13:56.920 --> 0:14:00.880 There is there sort of a tipping point where you go, yeah, 0:14:01.000 --> 0:14:03.800 that means go in. But prior to that. Let's see 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:06.719 if you is there a way to look at those situations. 0:14:07.520 --> 0:14:10.400 Well, I mean, every child is unique, and I think 0:14:10.400 --> 0:14:13.160 that's what you're describing as well. You don't have a 0:14:13.200 --> 0:14:15.560 program that fits every child. You have to look at 0:14:15.600 --> 0:14:18.760 what fits best for your child. And that's what I 0:14:18.800 --> 0:14:22.080 work with When I work with parents, we always look 0:14:22.120 --> 0:14:25.000 at well what fits your child, and as a parent, 0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:28.000 you know very very well what your child needs. Right, 0:14:28.280 --> 0:14:31.960 So if you feel that this is too much for 0:14:32.040 --> 0:14:34.400 them or they really need help here, then you also 0:14:34.400 --> 0:14:37.480 have to trust your instinct. And what I'm talking about 0:14:37.760 --> 0:14:41.440 are general things. Right. Generally, it's good to let them 0:14:42.040 --> 0:14:44.800 figure things out. But if you've tried that and you notice, okay, 0:14:44.840 --> 0:14:46.760 this doesn't work so well with my child, then you 0:14:46.800 --> 0:14:49.160 know you have to find a different way that works 0:14:49.200 --> 0:14:51.160 better to teach them the same things. Right. 0:14:52.920 --> 0:14:56.240 I want to jump for a second too again this 0:14:56.360 --> 0:15:02.200 notion of the Netherlands producing happier kids, and I want 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:04.479 to jump a little bit to some of the influences 0:15:04.480 --> 0:15:07.880 on the older kids. So I have to assume that 0:15:08.040 --> 0:15:14.000 those kids are as engaged with social media as any 0:15:14.040 --> 0:15:18.840 other as teenagers and kids in our country, and what 0:15:19.040 --> 0:15:21.600 we're hearing more and more is that social media is 0:15:21.640 --> 0:15:25.560 having a tremendous negative impact, building all kinds of stresses 0:15:25.600 --> 0:15:31.040 and all kinds of problems. Are the kids in your 0:15:31.160 --> 0:15:36.960 country somehow avoiding those pitfalls? Are they not as stressed 0:15:36.960 --> 0:15:39.040 out by these things? Are they not as plagued by it? 0:15:39.280 --> 0:15:40.240 Or is it the. 0:15:40.160 --> 0:15:43.960 Same thing but they're more somehow fortified to deal with it? 0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:05.520 Are the kids in your country somehow avoiding those pitfalls? 0:16:05.520 --> 0:16:07.680 Are they not as stressed out by these things? Are 0:16:07.680 --> 0:16:09.960 they not as plagued by it? Or is it the 0:16:10.000 --> 0:16:13.800 same thing, but they're more somehow fortified to deal with it. 0:16:17.240 --> 0:16:19.000 I think they struggle with a lot of the things 0:16:19.000 --> 0:16:23.360 that you guys mentioned as well. A lot of a 0:16:23.400 --> 0:16:27.080 lot of these social media apps are made to have, 0:16:27.440 --> 0:16:32.000 you know, teenagers addicted to them, so Dutch teenagers are 0:16:32.000 --> 0:16:35.640 not immune to that. I think one of the things 0:16:35.680 --> 0:16:39.160 that helps, and that's what you want to work on 0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:42.400 from a young age, is being able to talk about 0:16:42.440 --> 0:16:45.040 it right, being able to talk about it at home 0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:48.320 and how do you solve these problems. A lot of 0:16:48.320 --> 0:16:51.200 the time, it's not necessary that social media is bad. 0:16:51.240 --> 0:16:53.520 It's about how you use it and how long you're 0:16:53.520 --> 0:16:57.040 on it. And if it's replacing certain things or right 0:16:57.080 --> 0:16:59.160 that you're not going out as much to meet people 0:16:59.240 --> 0:17:02.240 face to face. But if you're able to have those 0:17:02.240 --> 0:17:05.520 conversations at home, I think that makes it a lot easier. 0:17:05.520 --> 0:17:07.400 And if you know you can talk about anything at 0:17:07.400 --> 0:17:10.200 home from a young age, then you're more inclined I think, 0:17:10.200 --> 0:17:14.000 to have those conversations later on when your teenager struggling. 0:17:13.480 --> 0:17:14.240 With these things. 0:17:14.480 --> 0:17:18.000 You also engage them on subjects that here. Not everybody 0:17:18.000 --> 0:17:22.920 talks their kids about sex and drugs and self identification 0:17:23.080 --> 0:17:26.480 and transgender but you do, and you don't shy away 0:17:26.480 --> 0:17:28.000 from that in the country, even with young kids, if 0:17:28.000 --> 0:17:29.680 they have a question, you sit and you address or 0:17:29.720 --> 0:17:31.200 it's a different different attitude. 0:17:31.880 --> 0:17:35.080 Yeah, and you know, of course I can't speak for 0:17:35.240 --> 0:17:40.480 all such parents, generally, we do. We do have these conversations, 0:17:40.520 --> 0:17:45.440 like conversations about I don't know, marriage. Yeah, it could 0:17:45.480 --> 0:17:47.240 be a man and a woman, but it can also 0:17:47.280 --> 0:17:48.920 be a man and a man, it can be a woman. 0:17:49.359 --> 0:17:55.160 There's lots of different ways a family can look like, right, 0:17:55.680 --> 0:17:58.000 And those are conversations that you have as a young age. 0:17:58.040 --> 0:18:01.760 I mean, if you look at a book for our 0:18:01.840 --> 0:18:06.320 children to talk about sex, and how your your body develops, 0:18:06.359 --> 0:18:09.640 and these things about families and it's all in there. Right, 0:18:09.760 --> 0:18:12.159 it's Dutch books like that, but they're written like that 0:18:12.880 --> 0:18:16.840 for kids as young as yeah, four or five six, right, 0:18:17.480 --> 0:18:18.720 this conversation. 0:18:18.480 --> 0:18:19.919 Just as a point of comparison. 0:18:19.960 --> 0:18:23.240 I remember when my son gave was I'm going to 0:18:23.320 --> 0:18:27.320 guess ten or eleven, and he finally said, okay, no kidding, 0:18:27.800 --> 0:18:29.000 how do babies happen? 0:18:29.200 --> 0:18:31.399 How does this happen? And my wife and I were 0:18:31.440 --> 0:18:32.040 so prepared. 0:18:32.040 --> 0:18:34.720 We had the graphs and the charts and the language, 0:18:34.720 --> 0:18:36.879 and they explained and I think we answered him for 0:18:36.920 --> 0:18:38.359 about thirty five minutes. 0:18:38.520 --> 0:18:39.240 Wow, you did. 0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:40.640 And then at. 0:18:40.560 --> 0:18:44.000 The present, right, it was about five thirty in the 0:18:44.119 --> 0:18:48.080 afternoon when this happened, and my son's reaction was, I uh, 0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:49.920 I got to take a nap. 0:18:50.280 --> 0:18:51.480 It was out for the night. 0:18:51.760 --> 0:18:53.680 We were so overwhelming. Broke him. 0:18:53.920 --> 0:18:54.680 We broke him. 0:18:56.080 --> 0:18:58.400 Also. In prepping for this, I saw it like in Finland, 0:18:58.440 --> 0:19:02.880 which is considered the happy country, okay, that they have 0:19:03.080 --> 0:19:05.880 and you may have too, the fact that that there's 0:19:06.119 --> 0:19:09.320 brutal there's honestly like here, you ask somebody how you doing, 0:19:09.359 --> 0:19:12.520 they go awesome, awesome, It's always great, and I always go, 0:19:12.680 --> 0:19:14.880 I don't even know what that looks like. But there 0:19:14.960 --> 0:19:16.680 if you say how are things going, you can say 0:19:16.720 --> 0:19:18.439 having a bad day, having a tough time, and you're 0:19:18.520 --> 0:19:21.760 encouraged to be more honest about that that not everything 0:19:21.840 --> 0:19:26.080 is awesome, so you know your kid's expectation isn't just 0:19:26.280 --> 0:19:28.440 those That's the answer. People don't want to hear about 0:19:28.480 --> 0:19:30.840 your aggravation. Is that acting exactly? 0:19:31.320 --> 0:19:34.520 Yeah? Yeah, And we're very down to earth so. 0:19:35.240 --> 0:19:37.120 Generally, so. 0:19:38.560 --> 0:19:42.800 Yeah, it isn't all all perfect and wonderful all the time. 0:19:43.520 --> 0:19:46.399 And I think the Dutch are very good at showing 0:19:46.440 --> 0:19:50.760 that and being direct, sometimes too direct for some people. 0:19:52.000 --> 0:19:54.560 That yields me to like a perfect curve episode would 0:19:54.560 --> 0:19:56.280 be I don't want to go there because when I 0:19:56.400 --> 0:19:59.080 ask and you say not good, and you go, now 0:19:59.080 --> 0:20:01.360 you're into it. You got to hear why, and it gets. 0:20:01.400 --> 0:20:03.480 Exactly yeah, And do people spend. 0:20:03.359 --> 0:20:04.880 You're on your way to the story, you say hi 0:20:04.960 --> 0:20:06.280 to somebody because you think it's going to be a 0:20:06.280 --> 0:20:08.840 two second conversation, they say bad day, and you go why, 0:20:08.880 --> 0:20:10.600 And now, all of a sudden chance, your whole day 0:20:10.600 --> 0:20:11.840 because you got to hear what they're doing and then 0:20:11.880 --> 0:20:14.359 you got to jump into help. What happens with the 0:20:14.400 --> 0:20:15.920 bad day? How do you respond to that? Are you 0:20:15.960 --> 0:20:19.080 supposed to ask? Why is the next question? 0:20:20.760 --> 0:20:22.840 I don't know. I think it'd be nice to say oh, 0:20:22.960 --> 0:20:25.159 or I'm sorry to hear that, or you know, some 0:20:25.240 --> 0:20:26.440 kind of sympathy would be nice. 0:20:26.800 --> 0:20:28.720 Keep you going. You can do sympathy on the move, 0:20:28.880 --> 0:20:30.600 like oh, that sucks, and keep going. 0:20:30.680 --> 0:20:35.280 No, that sucks me too, I'm having. 0:20:35.040 --> 0:20:43.600 A that's the shield me too. You're having a bad mind, I'm. 0:20:43.440 --> 0:20:44.200 Getting a data. 0:20:44.920 --> 0:20:47.600 But you also can connect over that, right, like like 0:20:47.720 --> 0:20:50.320 with parents that sometimes I think it's like, oh, it's 0:20:50.320 --> 0:20:52.920