Speaker 1: You get these these these weekly things, and I always
Speaker 1: just like, look your page. I'm like, holy shit, here
Speaker 1: goes the Chris Cortazo chapter. Let's see what your top
Speaker 1: one is currently right now. Seventy five million, or you
Speaker 1: can rent it for two hundred thousand a month. Oh,
Speaker 1: that's a steal. That is a steal. By the way,
Speaker 1: shut the it is two hundred thousands. I look at
Speaker 1: how many pages. You are. Good, God, you have so
Speaker 1: much real estate. Tasha Tosh Tosh Show Show. Welcome to
Speaker 1: Toash Show. I'm Daniel and I'm a Tasha Hollick, Daniel Eddie.
Speaker 1: How are you? I'm good? How are you? Oh? Man?
Speaker 1: I tell you what I'm getting ready for the Civil War.
Speaker 1: I cannot wait. I don't know which side I'm gonna
Speaker 1: fight on yet. I'm undecided. I know who I voted for,
Speaker 1: but as far as the Civil War partner of this goes,
Speaker 1: I'm not sure. I'm not sure what side I'm gonna
Speaker 1: fight on. I might put a Trump sign in my
Speaker 1: front yard after the election and just hope that that,
Speaker 1: you know, lets people know to pass on by the
Speaker 1: bubble I live in. Let me say something about this
Speaker 1: bubble too. Hey, we talk about Malibu a lot, and
Speaker 1: today is a very exciting day for me. Before I
Speaker 1: lived in Malibu in Los Angeles, I lived down in
Speaker 1: South Bay and that's like a little slice of Orange
Speaker 1: County in La County. I was living there when I
Speaker 1: started doing Tosh point zero. And then one night a
Speaker 1: girl came to my house knocked on the door. I
Speaker 1: didn't know who it was. I looked outside, I didn't know.
Speaker 1: But you know, the houses, they're all right next to
Speaker 1: each other. I had a three bedroom, two bath home,
Speaker 1: a twenty five foot by one hundred foot lot. Give
Speaker 1: you an idea of this. You know, small land, they
Speaker 1: just put these tall, skinny homes right next to each other. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I'm at that house and I look out the window
Speaker 1: and I see this girl and she's got a bag
Speaker 1: of stuff. It's late at night. I have no idea
Speaker 1: who it is, so I don't open it. And they
Speaker 1: eventually I call the police, and they say that she
Speaker 1: met me six years ago and said that I needed
Speaker 1: to be here on this night with these things in
Speaker 1: her bag. There. At that point they kind of stopped talking.
Speaker 1: They're like, listen, this this person is ish, you know,
Speaker 1: needs mental help. We'll get rid of her for you.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay. But at that point I was like,
Speaker 1: oh I got a fucking move. And people always think
Speaker 1: Malibu's so expensive, but the reality is where I lived
Speaker 1: was expensive. Look at prices for homes in Manhattan Beach.
Speaker 1: It's ridiculous. So one day a friend of mine was like, Hey,
Speaker 1: I know this real estate agent, why don't you go
Speaker 1: look in Malibu. You like surfing, there's so much the
Speaker 1: waves are so much better up there. You know, I
Speaker 1: lived down in South here. There's some good left point breaks,
Speaker 1: but let's I'm a natural foot. I wanted to right
Speaker 1: point breaks. Never you don't care about that anyway. So
Speaker 1: we start looking at Malibu. Next thing I know, I'm
Speaker 1: looking at an acre of property and I'm not talking
Speaker 1: about the cool area of Malibu right on the beach.
Speaker 1: I'm talking about further west and you know, the farm lands.
Speaker 1: And hey, you're all of a sudden you're getting a
Speaker 1: home with a guesthouse and a pool. And I'll be
Speaker 1: honest with you, it was like two million dollars ocean views.
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is incredible. Now, this is back in
Speaker 1: two thousand and nine, maybe twenty ten. All of a sudden,
Speaker 1: I'm like, hold on, why don't I just build a
Speaker 1: house out here, Just get some old tear down that
Speaker 1: seems like a genius idea. And that's what I did,
Speaker 1: and that's how I ended up here. Now it was
Speaker 1: it a huge mistake. Absolutely took me eight years to
Speaker 1: build a house and then it burnt down. But whatever,
Speaker 1: you know, hindsight is twenty twenty. I'm here and I
Speaker 1: love the beach. Eddie he's still down to South Bay.
Speaker 1: I miss him every day, but you know that's all right.
Speaker 1: His his kids are almost out of the house once.
Speaker 1: He's an empty nester. I'm sure him and his wife,
Speaker 1: you know, maybe they end up downsize and get a
Speaker 1: house boat. You know, come doc near my near. We
Speaker 1: spend more time together, play Monopoly, deal at night, maybe
Speaker 1: a rummy cub or uh. You know, what's the what's
Speaker 1: the game that I have to play a lot? Now,
Speaker 1: it's not it's like guess who, But it's not guess who.
Speaker 1: You have to connect the words that are on the
Speaker 1: this Like you put these cards out and you have
Speaker 1: to like say one word and your partner has to
Speaker 1: guess what code names code names. Oh, I'm playing so
Speaker 1: much Code Names. Now, I kind of like it. I
Speaker 1: have a little thing that infuriates my wife. When we
Speaker 1: play Code Names, you're always allowed to guess one extra
Speaker 1: then if you haven't, if you during your turn, and
Speaker 1: I will always just guess one extra, just randomly, based
Speaker 1: off nothing. I'll just point and pick another card, and
Speaker 1: you know, sometimes it's the Assassin and the game is over,
Speaker 1: right then it's just everybody's mad. But it's just a
Speaker 1: fun way to play the game. I always pick one extra.
Speaker 1: That's code Name. That's a free plug right there. Anyway,
Speaker 1: Code Names, I don't know if you're a sponsor, but
Speaker 1: you're sure as shit should be because you're part of
Speaker 1: my life at least once a week. Anyway, what are
Speaker 1: we talking about? Oh, why I moved to Malibu? Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: today's guest the King of Malibu in my book, and
Speaker 1: I'm excited. Oh I've had a man crush on this
Speaker 1: guy for over fifteen years. Enjoy pusha. My guest today
Speaker 1: was the number one real estate agent in the world
Speaker 1: for over a decade. Now I didn't verify that, but
Speaker 1: if you have millions of dollars burning a hole in
Speaker 1: your pocket and are looking to purchase a tear down
Speaker 1: in Malle. Today's guest is your man. He's closed over
Speaker 1: ten billion in sales. That's billion, working discreetly with more
Speaker 1: celebrities than a luxury addiction treatment center. And if you're
Speaker 1: wondering how we got him, well he lives and works
Speaker 1: down the street. For me, kindly take your shoes off
Speaker 1: at the door as I welcome into the Toss Show
Speaker 1: open house. Chris Cortazo, Chris, Hello, Daniel. By the way,
Speaker 1: I always feel like real state agents lie is Maybe
Speaker 1: that's I don't lie, no, no, a lie about like,
Speaker 1: oh I was the number one, but you legitimately were
Speaker 1: the number one real estate agent in the world.
Speaker 2: Well, I was with Cohal Banker for and for twelve years,
Speaker 2: I was number one out of ninety three thousand agents
Speaker 2: within the Colwall Banker family nationally and internationally.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's ever, it doesn't matter. It's still
Speaker 1: such an absurd number. By the way, ten billion, it's
Speaker 1: a lot of work, seven days a week. I believe it.
Speaker 1: I know you read I see you, I see your car,
Speaker 1: I see you. By the way, who puts a fucking
Speaker 1: baby on board sticker on a goddamn rolls Royce. The
Speaker 1: fuck's wrong with you?
Speaker 2: Gotta make it a little bit better so it's not
Speaker 2: so obnoxious.
Speaker 1: You don't have to worry about it. Because I had
Speaker 1: on Chandler Parsons and he had his NBA basketball career
Speaker 1: destroyed when he was t boned in his Rolls Royce.
Speaker 1: But they said, had he not been in a Rolls Royce,
Speaker 1: he'd have been dead. Well, that's why I got it.
Speaker 1: It's so darn safe. Oh it's a tank. All right,
Speaker 1: let's get back on. He's a great guy. By the way,
Speaker 1: do you know Okay, have you sold him something? Yeah?
Speaker 1: A few things. Yeah, I love channel. Ah. Good for you, Chris,
Speaker 1: God damn it. You have so many clients, and you
Speaker 1: do have to understand this. I don't have celebrities on
Speaker 1: my show, but you're my celebrity because your world is
Speaker 1: what I'm fascinated. I would never want to do what
Speaker 1: you do because I understand that you work constantly. I
Speaker 1: also understand that you have to be nice to everybody
Speaker 1: in the community, and everybody in the community is not
Speaker 1: a great person. So that blows my mind how you
Speaker 1: pull that off. Everywhere you go, everybody comes up to
Speaker 1: you to talk and you're just always like you have
Speaker 1: to just be on and I don't know how you do.
Speaker 1: That's just maddening to me. It's a lot. After the
Speaker 1: end of the day, you're tired.
Speaker 2: Oh that's why I love my rants property in northern
Speaker 2: Malibu because it's so silent and no one could get
Speaker 2: in and you're at peace.
Speaker 1: Good for you.
Speaker 2: I mean, you're although with a three to a five
Speaker 2: year old. I don't know how much peace there is now.
Speaker 1: But honestly, how many hours are you working. You have
Speaker 1: to have slowed down a little bit because you have
Speaker 1: children now, But prior to that, let's say that.
Speaker 2: That t like fourteen hours a day, every seven days
Speaker 2: a week. They would call me on Christmas time.
Speaker 1: All right, my first question I ask all my guests.
Speaker 1: Do you believe in ghosts? Oh?
Speaker 2: Yes, I saw one as a child. Oh sure, yes,
Speaker 2: at my grandma and great aunt's house. I was downstairs
Speaker 2: and he passed away in this room my great aunt's husband,
Speaker 2: and I woke up and literally screwed because I saw
Speaker 2: this whole floating ghost like thing coming towards me.
Speaker 1: Wait, you said you woke up, Well, I was.
Speaker 2: Awake and I saw this thing coming towards me. I screamed,
Speaker 2: would not go back in the room. My dad slept there.
Speaker 1: The next night I saw the same thing. He was
Speaker 1: trying to make you feel good. Now, professionally realtors have
Speaker 1: to disclose if someone dies in a home. Is that
Speaker 1: because of some old law that we believe spirits are
Speaker 1: still in the house.
Speaker 2: I don't know where that comes from, but I think
Speaker 2: it's if someone is not murdered or a suicide or.
Speaker 1: Something like that.
Speaker 2: I think it could be a beautiful thing if you
Speaker 2: die in your home, because you obviously love your home
Speaker 2: and that's where you want.
Speaker 1: To leave your body. But why do I think that's
Speaker 1: could be a positive thing? Why do we have to
Speaker 1: disclose it? Because I think it's important for people to know.
Speaker 2: People always ask if someone I said, oh, the seller
Speaker 2: passed away, they always ask, did they pass away in
Speaker 2: this home?
Speaker 1: Well? I know, but I mean legally just tells me
Speaker 1: like that, that's basically saying that we believe there are spirits. Maybe, perhaps,
Speaker 1: maybe now I have to change my opinion. What was
Speaker 1: childhood like growing up in Malibu?
Speaker 2: Absolutely heaven. There was no fences. We had big to
Speaker 2: kick the can games, and we'd all run through the canyons,
Speaker 2: all through these scooby trails, and it was just divine.
Speaker 1: We'd walk to school. I walked my kid to school,
Speaker 1: I know, but by ourselves, Like we'd walk to school. Well,
Speaker 1: he's five, he barely can get there on his own,
Speaker 1: I know. But that was just a different time. Uh huh,
Speaker 1: are you going to be one of these people? Like
Speaker 1: when I was a kid, life was so much better?
Speaker 2: No, I think it changes. Mean, my god, we didn't
Speaker 2: have a lot of money growing up, So I mean.
Speaker 1: That confuses people. So you grew up in Malibu and
Speaker 1: you say you didn't have a lot of money. People
Speaker 1: don't realize that there are parts of Malibu that aren't
Speaker 1: just uber wealthy people. And back then it didn't necessarily
Speaker 1: mean uber wealthy no way.
Speaker 2: My dad was a fireman. We cut out Q pons.
Speaker 2: We drove old Falcon station wagons because that's what we
Speaker 2: could afford.
Speaker 1: We went out to.
Speaker 2: Dinner maybe once every two months. My brother and I
Speaker 2: would split a root beer. We didn't have any extra funds.
Speaker 1: What's your childhood home cost? My parents like, well, I
Speaker 1: mean just but.
Speaker 2: They bought the land for eleven thousand dollars in nineteen sixty.
Speaker 2: My dad built our house in nineteen sixty six, the
Speaker 2: year I was born, and now it's probably worth twenty
Speaker 2: five thirty that's million million.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, not a bad investment. When did you come
Speaker 1: out at your family twenty seven? You were twenty seven
Speaker 1: years old? Yeah? Did they have any inclination?
Speaker 2: They probably had an idea, But my parents are so cool.
Speaker 2: I was hanging out with her Brits. My mom was
Speaker 2: in Canada taking care of my beautiful grandmother.
Speaker 1: Uh huh.
Speaker 2: And she goes, Chris, I know herb's a gay man,
Speaker 2: and you're spending a lot of time with him. And
Speaker 2: I said, I'm enjoying myself and I find him fascinating.
Speaker 2: They said, as long as you're happy, we're happy. I mean,
Speaker 2: that's the way it should be.
Speaker 1: Well, of course, but I mean, but it wasn't until
Speaker 1: twenty seven or were you hiding it?
Speaker 2: I think there's always curiosity. But I had the most beautiful,
Speaker 2: tacular girlfriends. I was engaged to this gorgeous Australian girl
Speaker 2: and I had a great life. But it was interesting.
Speaker 2: I was with her and I saw these two guys
Speaker 2: holding hands on the street in Oxford Street and Sydney, Australia,
Speaker 2: and I was like, eh, but I thought, you know what,
Speaker 2: Chris Cortazo is not a lie.
Speaker 1: You can't live this life as a lie.
Speaker 2: And then herb was my I dialley delayed with men before,
Speaker 2: but then that was my first open relationship and that
Speaker 2: hit Malburn by a storm because I was a beach lifeguard,
Speaker 2: had all these great girlfriends and that don't forget that
Speaker 2: was like ninety two. That was a different error. Well
Speaker 2: here's what I mean.
Speaker 1: It was crazy. I'm so curious about I always stood
Speaker 1: up to what I believe in. I read an article
Speaker 1: that you were featured in decade ago, because I knew
Speaker 1: you as a gay man, very successful real estate agent
Speaker 1: to the stars. But there's something in the article that
Speaker 1: struck me, and it was like your support of your
Speaker 1: mother your whole life. She was just like, let you
Speaker 1: do whatever you wanted. It just supported you. And I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, that's amazing. But in my head I
Speaker 1: had pictured you out much younger, and I was curious
Speaker 1: as someone who grew up in a horrible, poor Florida town,
Speaker 1: and I was like, Oh, I wonder how different it
Speaker 1: is growing up in Malibu. Were people open then? But
Speaker 1: you're saying no, not so.
Speaker 2: Much, and all my friends and it was like, Cortazo
Speaker 2: is gay, and I was like, I'm traveling the world
Speaker 2: with Cindy Crawford and you know, Claudia Scheffer, and every
Speaker 2: day with herb was a different, incredible experience.
Speaker 1: So you've had sex with women? Oh yeah, lots? Yeah.
Speaker 1: Do you remember the last time you had sex? You
Speaker 1: had sex with woman? Yes, the very last time. You
Speaker 1: can remember it vividly. How long ago was it? Probably
Speaker 1: three weeks ago. I'm cidous so mad. Oh by the way,
Speaker 1: so what you were a life guard? I knew you
Speaker 1: were life guard as what other jobs did you have
Speaker 1: before we came? I was a massage therapist, oh sax.
Speaker 2: Yeah, which it makes sense though, because I'm such a
Speaker 2: like I'm always hugging and I'm just an outgoing guy and.
Speaker 1: You still give a good rub if you need to. Yeah,
Speaker 1: whatever it takes. Oh. Clients are asking, Okay, how'd you
Speaker 1: get into real estate in the first place?
Speaker 2: I was working with her Brits and he was shooting
Speaker 2: every celebrity in every wealthy person at the time, and
Speaker 2: on the shoots they say, oh, you're born and raised
Speaker 2: in Malibu, and I say yes, and they say where
Speaker 2: should I buy? And I say, well, what are you
Speaker 2: looking for? Because I know every aspect of Malibu. After that,
Speaker 2: I started putting two and two together and I was like,
Speaker 2: you're gonna sell real estate.
Speaker 1: And my first sale was Richard Gear. Your first sale
Speaker 1: was to Richard Gear.
Speaker 2: Five million at the time, which probably today is like
Speaker 2: a seventy five million dollar sale.
Speaker 1: Geez. Yeah that Richard up to these days, he's remarried.
Speaker 1: Good for him. Yeah, I can't wait to get remarried.
Speaker 1: How uh uh the real estate exam? How often you
Speaker 1: have to take it? Just one time? Yeah, but then
Speaker 1: you have to do refresher courses. How'd you do on your exam? First?
Speaker 1: Failed it three times? Disaster disaster, Yet yet all these
Speaker 1: girls that retire from bottle service at nightclubs tend to
Speaker 1: breeze through it.
Speaker 2: No, I panic a multiple choice tests, good for you,
Speaker 2: there's always two and I picked the wrong one.
Speaker 1: So you failed three times. You became an agent, and
Speaker 1: then I never gave up. I never I don't give
Speaker 1: up on anything you sell outside of Malibiah. Of course.
Speaker 2: I have something on the palisades for thirty seven million
Speaker 2: on a Malfie amazing house, celebrity owned house, and I
Speaker 2: just got the list in. I sold properties all over.
Speaker 1: Okay, but la la okay? So la is is how
Speaker 1: far you don't get on an Orange County at all? No? No, no, no,
Speaker 1: you ever fuck with duplexes. That's just a fun thing
Speaker 1: to say. I don't. We don't have any do. What's
Speaker 1: the fastest you've ever like, somebody has walked in and
Speaker 1: bought and closed a house? Can you like turn turn around,
Speaker 1: like no contingencies, here's the money.
Speaker 2: Cash because that's so dangerous because you have to review
Speaker 2: the title report.
Speaker 1: Okay, but so what's the fastest you've ever done? A week? Yeah?
Speaker 1: A week? I would say, I'm going to read tell
Speaker 1: the story. I wanted to go into your house, and
Speaker 1: you let my wife and I walk around your house,
Speaker 1: and then just casually when we were leaving, you like,
Speaker 1: i'll sell it to you for twenty two. This is
Speaker 1: a decade ago. Really, that's why you said, you go,
Speaker 1: do you want it? I'll sell it to you for
Speaker 1: twenty two? And I was like, where did you even
Speaker 1: come up with that number?
Speaker 2: You should have bought it then, because now I want
Speaker 2: thirty seven.
Speaker 1: No, no, I couldn't have. I didn't want it. By
Speaker 1: the way, I do a lot of naked women African
Speaker 1: women art in your pa.
Speaker 2: I love Africa. It's my one of my favorite places
Speaker 2: to travel to. I have a really good photography collection.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's pretty. But you noticed that everything is like
Speaker 1: lines and shape, and I didn't notice that. I don't
Speaker 1: have a great eye for that stuff. But what I
Speaker 1: did notice is that it was beautiful. And then I
Speaker 1: noticed that a lot of your frames had like necklaces
Speaker 1: draped over them. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Everywhere I travel in Africa or wherever, I get necklaces
Speaker 2: and I put it all over the picture frames.
Speaker 1: Good memory. I'm very impressed. So you have a memory too, Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it mine's useless. You know, it's meant for stupid stuff.
Speaker 1: How many NDAs have you had a signe in your life? Hundreds?
Speaker 1: You've just seen horrible shit, too, haven't you. You see
Speaker 1: it all. What's the least expensive piece of real estate
Speaker 1: you've ever sold?
Speaker 2: Probably seven hundred thousands, maybe.
Speaker 1: Seven thousand, that's the least expensive. All right, I would say,
Speaker 1: when's the last time you've had to open up a
Speaker 1: whole house and do all the turning all the lights on,
Speaker 1: opening the doors. Do you do any of that stuff anymore?
Speaker 2: Is that usually? No, nothing's been leave me. I will
Speaker 2: pick up a leaf, a trash on the cigarette, butt
Speaker 2: on pch. I will do whatever it takes. The same guy.
Speaker 2: I'm not above anything.
Speaker 1: Whatever it takes. You do those dumb open houses you
Speaker 1: don't ever have like you don't do open houses.
Speaker 2: But the great thing is with my staff because I
Speaker 2: have so much of the inventory and Malabu. They all
Speaker 2: prepare because usually if someone's coming in, they're going to
Speaker 2: see the whole series from one under malby the next
Speaker 2: and all my assistants are going ahead and prepare the
Speaker 2: next house. So I don't usually go in and prepare
Speaker 2: a house because time is so Forget that.
Speaker 1: But do you have a party, like do you do
Speaker 1: that type of thing? No? No, no, no, no no no,
Speaker 1: just show the house. I just show the house, food, drinks,
Speaker 1: none of that no good for you, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean?
Speaker 2: If agents are coming to get free food, they're not
Speaker 2: going to be selling the house. Like we don't have time.
Speaker 2: Top agents are We're busy? How big is your team now?
Speaker 1: Sixteen maybe fourteen to sixteen? Are you rarely at your
Speaker 1: open houses or is it just your your team now?
Speaker 1: Not on weekends. I don't do that.
Speaker 2: But if the client wants open houses, all my assistants
Speaker 2: are there doing that. There all licensed, amazing qualified, a
Speaker 2: lot of them born and raised in Malibu.
Speaker 1: Is there heavy turnover? I mean, because are they always
Speaker 1: looking like don't they want to be the next Chris
Speaker 1: Cortazo or no? Are they happy being on a great team.
Speaker 2: I had one assistant, such a great guy, and he
Speaker 2: looked at me with all what I've created financially and everything.
Speaker 2: He goes, I would never want to be you, because
Speaker 2: no one wants to put in the hours or the stress.
Speaker 1: So there you go. I don't want to be you,
Speaker 1: but I like to see you. I don't even want
Speaker 1: to be be right now. I work too hard. I
Speaker 1: watched you one time. I was in one of my
Speaker 1: neighbor's houses that was for sale and I watch it
Speaker 1: just had come on the market, and I watched you
Speaker 1: preview it. I've never seen a human walk through a
Speaker 1: house so quickly, just like like Jake, take an inventory
Speaker 1: of what it was. I got it thanks out. That's
Speaker 1: just what you do.
Speaker 2: I'm like an elephant when it comes to a house,
Speaker 2: floor plans, everything.
Speaker 1: I just need to see it real quick and I'm done.
Speaker 1: What about your math? Are you one of those wizards
Speaker 1: with math where I tell you it's eight thousand square
Speaker 1: feet and I want twenty five million. What's that per
Speaker 1: square foot? You know what?
Speaker 2: Per square foot? In Malibu is almost impossible. Okay, you
Speaker 2: can't do it.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter.
Speaker 2: It's really hard because one property could have a view,
Speaker 2: one could be on the bluff, one could be on
Speaker 2: the other side.
Speaker 1: There's just it's too hard that one bedroom on cliff side.
Speaker 1: Do you sell it for fifteen million? I did. Good
Speaker 1: for you, Yeah, fifteen million one bedroom. Now it's for
Speaker 1: rent as a two bedroom. Good for them for putting
Speaker 1: a wall up.
Speaker 2: I love it when I go against other people and
Speaker 2: they said you could never You'll never get this price.
Speaker 2: I've changed the price points in Malibu. Sorry for buyers,
Speaker 2: but I've really raised prices in Malibu because I believe
Speaker 2: so strongly in that.
Speaker 1: You explain to me, the whole world is focused now
Speaker 1: in this lawsuit that has changed the game for agents.
Speaker 1: Give me a brief rundown of what happens now. It
Speaker 1: used to be the seller would all the house and
Speaker 1: that they would put up three percent or six percent
Speaker 1: that you would split between. Yeah, it's five or six percent. Okay,
Speaker 1: And now it's the same thing.
Speaker 2: But you cannot list the compensation for the buyer's agent
Speaker 2: and the multiple listening service. But the agent's call and
Speaker 2: say is our compensation for me? I say, all my
Speaker 2: listings have compensation, and this is what it is.
Speaker 1: So it's business as usual. Should we negotiate with agents
Speaker 1: when we're selling a house? Should we say, hey, can
Speaker 1: I get a deal? Why? I don't know. I don't.
Speaker 1: That's horrible. Are people trying to save money? It's a
Speaker 1: horrible idea. Doesn't Doesn't it change with like now that
Speaker 1: everybody has their smartphones and they can look up everything
Speaker 1: on their own.
Speaker 2: No, But there's so much more to selling real estate
Speaker 2: than just that. You want proper representation and you want
Speaker 2: to be educated on the market. You just can't come
Speaker 2: in the Malibu.
Speaker 1: You don't have to sell me on this. No, I'm
Speaker 1: just saying. I I'm just going to say because because
Speaker 1: so many times, especially in this area, so many houses
Speaker 1: are off market and people don't even know about them.
Speaker 1: They're not on the eye. No, but that's why I
Speaker 1: have a lot of pocket lists? How many pocket listings
Speaker 1: do you have a lot? Do some of these Malalabamians do?
Speaker 1: They hate you?
Speaker 2: They love me because when they want to sell it,
Speaker 2: there's delight.
Speaker 1: Listen. I have a neighbor that I would do anything
Speaker 1: if you could pull it off to make them sell
Speaker 1: and leave. Oh, we have such an awful relationship. Wow,
Speaker 1: that's too bad. It's just horrible. They won't even look
Speaker 1: me in the eye. My kids will walk by the
Speaker 1: you know what I think you're talking about? My aunt? Oh?
Speaker 1: Is it really your aunt? I would love it. I
Speaker 1: would well if I could find an end to bridge
Speaker 1: the gap. I've tried so many times to be like
Speaker 1: I go to bed at nine o'clock. I'm like a
Speaker 1: dream neighbor. But they're just one of these people that
Speaker 1: calls the city every fucking day for something in the neighborhood,
Speaker 1: not just me. That's too bad. Do you ever advertise
Speaker 1: on a shopping cart in pavilions?
Speaker 2: Never does that even work? I have no idea. Would
Speaker 2: you die if you saw my name?
Speaker 1: I think it's fun. I think I might just do
Speaker 1: it for you. I like it. How Frome real estate
Speaker 1: ads always have to have the ruler's face on it.
Speaker 2: Well, I think you want the facial recognition. But now
Speaker 2: I'm malibi. I know most people.
Speaker 1: So you have a handyman. That's amazing. I need a recommendation,
Speaker 1: like just a guy that can do anything and we
Speaker 1: get it done. I need a great hand ask me
Speaker 1: for anything. I know all that I know. Well, that's
Speaker 1: what I just asked you. Right now, I don't have
Speaker 1: my phone. Fine, I turned it off. Here's here's this
Speaker 1: is what I want to do at the end of this.
Speaker 1: I want you to turn your phone on and I
Speaker 1: want you to tell me how many text and phone
Speaker 1: calls you missed in the length of this interview. Oh,
Speaker 1: it's going to be it's going to be huge. Now
Speaker 1: you're making me nervous. It's so stressful. I know what
Speaker 1: you do. It's so stressful. You go to the bathroom
Speaker 1: in your listings a lot, pete poop. You pooped. You've
Speaker 1: never pooped in your listings.
Speaker 2: I would rather kill myself. Well, such an extreme no, No,
Speaker 2: that's so private for me.
Speaker 1: All right, Well, then you've got an amazing bowel control.
Speaker 1: But where do you draw the line? Because you're allowed
Speaker 1: to use the bathroom of course, I know I have.
Speaker 1: I had sex and one of your Are you allowed to? No?
Speaker 1: Why are you not allowed to have sex in their
Speaker 1: bad You're allowed to use their bathroom? Why can't you
Speaker 1: use their bed? What's the best way to lowball? It
Speaker 1: depends on the market.
Speaker 2: If it's a tough market, what you might consider a
Speaker 2: low ball might be accepted.
Speaker 1: You don't know is writing a letter worth it or no? Yes,
Speaker 1: I just tried it. Wrote a letter and put in
Speaker 1: a low ball on a property up in Tahoe and
Speaker 1: they're like, yeah, we got a higher offer, thank you.
Speaker 2: I think it helps. I wrote a letter when I
Speaker 2: bought my place in Tennessee. Mm hmmm, And there was
Speaker 2: two graves on the property from the previous owners, and
Speaker 2: I wrote a beautiful letter saying I'd be honored that
Speaker 2: they would be there, to be the guardians of blah
Speaker 2: blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: And I really meant it. And every time I go.
Speaker 2: There, their graves are there, and I go, we put
Speaker 2: flowers beside them and honor them.
Speaker 1: You don't yell at your staff. Why haven't you dug
Speaker 1: these up yet? Is there a Rolex watch down there?
Speaker 1: What if there was? Oh man, I couldn't resist. How
Speaker 1: many properties do you own? You say that number. You
Speaker 1: don't have to answer if you don't want to. A lot,
Speaker 1: over a dozen? Oh yeah, over fifty, now under fifty,
Speaker 1: over a dozen, that's fair. Yeah. How many outside of
Speaker 1: the state I can see your fingers five? Okay? How
Speaker 1: many acres in Tennessee? One hundred and fifty? And do
Speaker 1: you know what it's called. It's so great.
Speaker 2: Obviously my name's Christopher her and it's one hundred acre
Speaker 2: woods after Winnie the Pooh.
Speaker 1: Oh, that's cute. Isn't that great? I like it? I
Speaker 1: love it. I love Winnie the Pooh. Have you ever
Speaker 1: been to Dollywood? You've got to go. It's so great.
Speaker 1: Ever bring your kids, they'll freak. It's so fun. Isn't
Speaker 1: Dolly the best? Oh? She's great.
Speaker 2: I have a Dolly sort. When I was with herban
Speaker 2: she ordered like mashed potatoes and mac and cheese, and
Speaker 2: she just would take a bite of each, so she
Speaker 2: got to enjoy it. But when we eat the rest,
Speaker 2: I mean, that's she's fabulous.
Speaker 1: Oh, that's really funny. She still gets to enjoy it.
Speaker 1: She's got a figure to watch. You have tons of
Speaker 1: celebrity clients almost exclusively. Now where would I fall on
Speaker 1: the celebrity scale.
Speaker 2: You're kind of a fascinating person to me because I
Speaker 2: never thought you actually liked me, so you were kind
Speaker 2: of like larger than life to me. I guess there's
Speaker 2: a little insecurity on my side. So I think you're
Speaker 2: like supersed celebrity because you're kind of like this anomally
Speaker 2: to me.
Speaker 1: Wait, do you see super C supersed? Oh that's way
Speaker 1: better than a super sed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe a C minus. So I was really touched
Speaker 2: that you wanted me to be on the show because
Speaker 2: I never thought you liked me, So you kind of
Speaker 2: like you're a little beyond celebrity to me, that's nonsense,
Speaker 2: but you're not nonsense.
Speaker 1: That just means I'm so that I putting off negative energy,
Speaker 1: which is which I've been accused. No, but I know
Speaker 1: for you to feel no, it's a cool factor. Oh, brother,
Speaker 1: it is. There's somewhat of a cool factor there. Well,
Speaker 1: christ I'm glad we put that to rest because people
Speaker 1: sometimes when they see a celebrity, they recognize them and
Speaker 1: they kind of like are nervous and so they won't
Speaker 1: talk to them or they just like, oh, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: give them their space and let me do the thing
Speaker 1: you When people see you, everyone almost feels entitled to
Speaker 1: go talk to you. And that's where I'm like, oh, it's.
Speaker 2: Even with my earbuds in, they still will just wait
Speaker 2: around for me to hang out my call.
Speaker 1: No I I watch it from afar. I think that's
Speaker 1: also what I find fascinating because I'm like, I just
Speaker 1: couldn't imagine having to be on that much. But that's
Speaker 1: only But the great thing is is Malibu.
Speaker 2: So if I go to Tennessee or wherever I go,
Speaker 2: no one knows whore I'm at.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna change that because they got a huge following
Speaker 1: outside of Chattanooga. But do you get noticed when you
Speaker 1: go out of me? Yes? Yeah, but not like by
Speaker 1: the people I want to be noticed. It's us like
Speaker 1: some weirdo that's bagging my groceries, going what's up, gosh,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, all right, here we go Malibu. I
Speaker 1: used to say twenty six miles, Now it's twenty three miles.
Speaker 1: I don't give a shit of why that changed. But
Speaker 1: the danger of the highway of people getting killed, there's
Speaker 1: always signs like sixty one people since twenty ten or something.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Way do you have a way to
Speaker 1: fix the PCH to make it safer. I don't know
Speaker 1: how to do it. I do how The thing is,
Speaker 1: it's a highway, okay, and the city is a tourist destination,
Speaker 1: so you have the two don't go together. So you
Speaker 1: just have to say, well, if we actually care about
Speaker 1: people dying on the PC, if we really want to
Speaker 1: stop it, then we can't have fifty five mile an
Speaker 1: hour zones anywhere, and you can't allow parking anywhere. People
Speaker 1: slamming on their brakes to back into a spot is
Speaker 1: absurd on a highway. I mean, imagine driving now a
Speaker 1: highway and somebody in front of you is going backwards
Speaker 1: towards you. That's obscene.
Speaker 2: So you have to well, especially the summer traffic, is
Speaker 2: you have to eliminate beyond crazy.
Speaker 1: You can't allow people to park on the side of
Speaker 1: the highway, and you have to lower the speed limit
Speaker 1: to thirty five and just be like fuck it if
Speaker 1: you want people to not die.
Speaker 2: I know, but can you imagine going thirty miles an
Speaker 2: hour to Santa Monica.
Speaker 1: We would all I kill themselves because you and I
Speaker 1: are the only geniuses that figured out living here and
Speaker 1: working here is the right mood. All these people that commute.
Speaker 2: Thirty thirty miles per hour, Oh my goody god, that
Speaker 2: would be shocking. All right, Well, now then you would
Speaker 2: have road rates and it would be like millions more.
Speaker 1: I don't get road rage. I used to, and now
Speaker 1: I don't. Do. You want to know how I eliminated it. How?
Speaker 1: I just assume that everybody that's that's driving around me
Speaker 1: that's frantic, is about to shit themselves and they have
Speaker 1: to get somewhere. So I'm like, let them go. Don't
Speaker 1: what happens when you have to go pee in the car?
Speaker 1: Do you bring a cup?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: What this is? Cup? I can pee. I can just
Speaker 1: go outside of my car. I have a question for you.
Speaker 1: Can I ask you a few questions? Yeah? Ask me anything, Chris?
Speaker 1: Where would you live beside Malibi? I think I have
Speaker 1: to go. I don't know, south of France on the
Speaker 1: coast Atlantic coast, right. Maybe I have to be able
Speaker 1: to surf. My whole fucking life has been ruined by surfing.
Speaker 1: I could live in Mexico, could you? Probably? I could
Speaker 1: not with my wife. That's I don't know. I love
Speaker 1: the mountains too. Yeah, I live in Tahoe a lot.
Speaker 1: Do you have a home up there too? What's your
Speaker 1: favorite holiday? Christmas? That's why I live in Tahoe because
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm in a Hallmark Christmas movie. Isn't
Speaker 1: it the greatest? Huh? But I have to being cold
Speaker 1: because I grew up in Florida, So I if I'm
Speaker 1: not near snow, I feel like this isn't real Christmas.
Speaker 1: Where are you going to be for Thanksgiving? Hawaii Maui?
Speaker 1: I have to work. Oh you do great shows? Tickets
Speaker 1: still available? When's the next housing crash coming? It's coming right?
Speaker 1: You know what? Though?
Speaker 2: I think people I think Malibu is such a good
Speaker 2: investment because town there's a lot more crime in town.
Speaker 2: I just feel that Malibi. I don't know if we're
Speaker 2: gonna have a crash. It's slowed down for sure. I
Speaker 2: think everyone's apprehensive.
Speaker 1: You think it's completely bulletproof wild?
Speaker 2: No, No, I mean an earthquake could be monumental, a
Speaker 2: bad one.
Speaker 1: Where were you at the earthquake? Living room? My living room,
Speaker 1: sort of watch it feeling it just recently, Oh, here
Speaker 1: we go.
Speaker 2: I know my kids in my arm and I was
Speaker 2: like he goes Papa, and I go, oh, we're dancing.
Speaker 1: He goes, not funny, Papa. Oh he got scared, terrified.
Speaker 1: My kid didn't get scared. Didn't really, No, he did
Speaker 1: not like it. But then, you know, you get all
Speaker 1: those alerts on the phone during I got the alert
Speaker 1: during the shaking. I'm like, this is you. It was
Speaker 1: planned for sure. No, no, oh, you're a big conspiracy nut?
Speaker 1: Are conspiracy love? I go down every rabbit? How you
Speaker 1: handling the knucklehead? Cheryl Hines's husband endorsing I love Bobby Kennedy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: endorsing Trump. I think he's amazing. Oh you're nuts. I
Speaker 1: sold them three homes. I'm sure it doesn't matter if
Speaker 1: you sold him a home, it doesn't matter. I like him.
Speaker 1: I think he's a great guy. I think he's nice too,
Speaker 1: But I know that he's a knucklehead. There's two things.
Speaker 1: And I did you where'd you get knucklehead from? I
Speaker 1: don't know. It's just a nice way of saying of
Speaker 1: fucking lunatic. You used to have and I don't know
Speaker 1: if you still do, but I used to take pride
Speaker 1: that I did, in fact get a few invites. The
Speaker 1: most popular Halloween parties. Now was it debauchery? Was it sex?
Speaker 1: I always assumed it was sex. No, was it sexy? Sexy?
Speaker 2: I had the go go dancers from the abbey, the guy,
Speaker 2: the hottest guys, the hottest girls.
Speaker 1: But it was hard to get into this party. I
Speaker 1: mean you had to be invited, for sure, you had
Speaker 1: to be invited. However, at the end it was like
Speaker 1: five hundred and fifty people. It was.
Speaker 2: I have to say it was the party in Malibu.
Speaker 1: But I just I got too concerned with liability.
Speaker 2: Even though we had limos taking people back in Malibu.
Speaker 2: We did everything we could. I just didn't want the responsibility.
Speaker 1: You stopped, Yeah, how long did you stop? A couple
Speaker 1: of years ago? They were brilliant. I knew they were.
Speaker 1: I used to. I used to even say, like, and
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, i'll make sure you have your email,
Speaker 1: I'll make sure you're invited. I was like, good, but
Speaker 1: I wouldn't go. But I just liked, why don't you
Speaker 1: want to go? I don't do things. I never shy.
Speaker 1: What's the shy? Yeah, yeah, I'm shy. No, you're not
Speaker 1: in social situations, are you shy? I don't. I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't like to go out. The only thing that's
Speaker 1: broken me out of my shell is having stupid kids.
Speaker 1: It's like, now I'm forced to hang out with all
Speaker 1: my wife's friends husbands, and I have to act like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: all right, this is a good time. How old are
Speaker 1: your kids now? Five and one and a half? What
Speaker 1: are you five? Three and five? Oh my god, I
Speaker 1: were going to be forced to hang out with each other? Probably?
Speaker 1: I mean, I see you at the farm. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1: Those are those things that I do. That's what my
Speaker 1: life has been reduced to, Jesus the farm.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: You, by the way, are you happy with your current
Speaker 1: situation of you have two children? Uh? And and you're
Speaker 1: not co parenting with anyone. No, I might have my
Speaker 1: own journey, which I love if I could somehow void out.
Speaker 1: The problem is my wife is so much smarter than me,
Speaker 1: so I love that the kids are getting that perspective.
Speaker 1: Who's more strict me? And know I'm pretty strict. What's
Speaker 1: your help situation? Because I've counted at least three nannies?
Speaker 1: Uh in your world? Is there more? No?
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't lie, I don't lie. We have
Speaker 2: revolving on the weekends. I have two now, help because
Speaker 2: all of a sudden I could get called.
Speaker 1: In the work and I'm running. I understand that the
Speaker 1: complexity of not wanting to be with your kids. I
Speaker 1: actually really want to be with them the whole time.
Speaker 1: That's good, all right. But anyway, so the numbers between
Speaker 1: two right now. But I get them. My children they
Speaker 1: sleep in my bed every night, and that's not good.
Speaker 1: You gotta get them out of you. They have their
Speaker 1: own room.
Speaker 2: No, uh, totally different parting. No, so they're in bed.
Speaker 2: So I have them from eight to eight every night,
Speaker 2: right in my arms, sandwiched.
Speaker 1: Eight to eight. But what about the other what about
Speaker 1: the other twelve hours? You see them? Then? Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know they come home and I'm doing drop
Speaker 2: offs or pickup from school.
Speaker 1: Your kids go to probably some fancy, fancy private school.
Speaker 1: Now my kids, oh public, I love it.
Speaker 2: No, they're in preschool. So they're in preschool. But they
Speaker 2: will go to a public school.
Speaker 1: Oh they will? Oh god, yeah, good for you. Yeah
Speaker 1: see that coming, Chris, Are you kidding me? I'm homegrown Maliban?
Speaker 1: Oh fuck off? Seriously. I mean I would love right
Speaker 1: now for you to be straight up honest and tell
Speaker 1: me the exact number that you're worth, because I bet
Speaker 1: it's fucking huge. God damn it, it's huge. But you
Speaker 1: know it's so weird. I don't.
Speaker 2: It's I just didn't come from money, so I don't
Speaker 2: feel like I ever have it.
Speaker 1: Like it's bizarre and you'll buy real estate, but you don't.
Speaker 1: You're kind of frugal when it comes to just like
Speaker 1: other rand. You know what I want.
Speaker 2: I tell my business matter, can I please have a
Speaker 2: hot and cold plunge bowl outside my ball house? He's like,
Speaker 2: it's not in the budget right now.
Speaker 1: Like, oh, what kind of business manager? Do you have?
Speaker 2: A smart one? Because we have so many properties, there's
Speaker 2: a lot of expenses. But I still value money and
Speaker 2: I can't believe I can buy an isolate lot every
Speaker 2: day from Cafe Lapplause, which is like ten dollars worth.
Speaker 1: The tip you tip, You always hit tip on the
Speaker 1: on the iPad screen always, no matter what you've purchased.
Speaker 1: They hand you a muffin and you just you give
Speaker 1: them an extra buck fifty. I call it in, I say,
Speaker 1: I always add twenty percent. I do too. I call
Speaker 1: it in too and say add the tip. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: tip everywhere I do too. I can't. That's the one
Speaker 1: thing I do. You tip it a housekeeping and hotels?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and I write a note, You write a note? Yes,
Speaker 1: oh you one? Uf me so bad? No, you have
Speaker 1: good Just.
Speaker 2: Say I so appreciate how beautiful the room is and
Speaker 2: how the blessed day.
Speaker 1: I don't do the blessed day. Okay, yes, you get
Speaker 1: an air pod coming out of your pocket? You got
Speaker 1: an air pod coming out of your pocket? There, he goes,
Speaker 1: it's not even it was. It's a cold cord. You
Speaker 1: know why it's a cord because he's fucking a conspiracy
Speaker 1: nut believes the bluetooth is doing radiation? Are you kidding?
Speaker 1: I wouldn't touch that for nothing. Oh man, I love
Speaker 1: the You're as crazy as you are. I'm a nutter.
Speaker 1: Everybody that's been on uh that's been on this show.
Speaker 1: And I know you're a huge fan because you watched
Speaker 1: one episode as you were a huge preview in a
Speaker 1: house today, I give them a gift, just something from
Speaker 1: my house. It's it's just literally my way of getting
Speaker 1: rid of stuff. And to give you stuff is the
Speaker 1: best because I know you won't take it, but I'm
Speaker 1: still going to give it to you. So this I
Speaker 1: didn't want anymore. It's free kids, it's a city. It's
Speaker 1: a rug that goes in your kids room. And then
Speaker 1: this is great. They get in the playroom, they can
Speaker 1: learn about which areas just they should live in, and
Speaker 1: you can like defund the police and certain I don't
Speaker 1: know whatever what they want to do. But I get
Speaker 1: rid of this. This is out of my house now,
Speaker 1: I'm so sick of it. So that's going to be
Speaker 1: for your kids. There is really this is all my
Speaker 1: beach keys that I that I kept over the years.
Speaker 1: That is it's actually spectacular. So now we have the fobs.
Speaker 1: I know, but the old days he had the beach
Speaker 1: keys to get down to the beach. Now I want
Speaker 1: people to know it's in Malibu. There's certain areas where
Speaker 1: beaches the beaches are not private, but maybe maybe the
Speaker 1: easeman to get down to the beach is private and
Speaker 1: it's harder to get to yes, especially at high tides,
Speaker 1: possibly impossible. Now what value did beach keys give to houses?
Speaker 1: I would say today million and a half to two
Speaker 1: million dollars per key. Look at that we might just
Speaker 1: be able to retire. Get this off my desk, I'll
Speaker 1: push this down over there. Yeah, it's fine, just shove
Speaker 1: it off. It'll be fine, okay, but that that needs
Speaker 1: to go to But don't I don't want to shove
Speaker 1: it off. If you set that down at your gift,
Speaker 1: yes you're gonna I'm gonna carry that home for you,
Speaker 1: all right. I want to talk about reality television because
Speaker 1: I do love watching it. I saw you occasionally pop
Speaker 1: up on Million Dollar Listing. I'm guessing that those people
Speaker 1: have approached you in the past. Is it bullshit? Are
Speaker 1: they producing the numbers they're saying they're producing or is
Speaker 1: it just eye candy? The shows, I.
Speaker 2: Think the shows are really entertaining, although I didn't never
Speaker 2: watch them. I don't even watch myself.
Speaker 1: Do these things. You're telling me that you've never watched
Speaker 1: Selling Sunset, Oh you got to watch it. Really, it's
Speaker 1: just absurd. First ever, I've never watched it. Selling Sunset's
Speaker 1: barely about real estate. It's just about these outfits, these
Speaker 1: wardrobes that they wear. That's just so ridiculous, and it's
Speaker 1: just drama. So you don't want to do a reality
Speaker 1: show about Chris Cortazo. I don't have time, I know,
Speaker 1: But what if they said we would work around your schedule.
Speaker 1: You can't. You have to do it like three days
Speaker 1: a week. Fine, what if they said, we'll do it
Speaker 1: two days a week. You think Kim Kardashian doesn't control
Speaker 1: Maybe one day, Maybe one day. I'd rather make the money.
Speaker 1: What's the hardest part for you?
Speaker 2: I love being a papa and I love like I
Speaker 2: want to spend like twenty four hours a day with them.
Speaker 1: Well, then I mean, excuse me for being blunt. Then
Speaker 1: fucking do it. I'm trying. I'm trying to sell some
Speaker 1: of my holdings. You don't. I'm making the moves. Are
Speaker 1: you prepared to stop being the version of yourself that yours?
Speaker 1: You are? Yeah? Are you? Are you? Are you comfortable
Speaker 1: completely walking away from it? Oh? Good for you? Yeah.
Speaker 1: People say that me, like, I, oh, you couldn't stop
Speaker 1: doing comedy. I'm like, oh, yes I could. I could.
Speaker 1: I could stop everything. You know, We've done it. Look
Speaker 1: at your career. It's amazing. At it. It's amazing. From
Speaker 1: from Florida trash to Malibu. All right, Chris, turn on
Speaker 1: your phone, tell me how many calls you've missed, and
Speaker 1: thank you very much for being here. Thank you? Okay,
Speaker 1: Best friends, forever. Yes, all right, let's see let's see this.
Speaker 1: I want to see this number. Oh, look at this,
Speaker 1: here's a perfect thing. Chris comes over here with two phones.
Speaker 1: That's how you. Oh my god, make card you have
Speaker 1: in the back of that thing. Jesus, I just saw
Speaker 1: a fifty one and sixty one text. Is it going up?
Speaker 1: Sixty four? Sixty four? Holy shit, Chris, it's it's a shocker.
Speaker 1: That's fucking shock ninety six on that one. This is
Speaker 1: my life now, you know my life for Chris Corton. No,
Speaker 1: I knew it. I knew it before. It is I
Speaker 1: talk whatever I picked comedy, you picked fucking selling billionaires,
Speaker 1: fucking crazy homes. It's your problem, Pasha. I want to
Speaker 1: thank Chris for being on the show. Ah, I mean
Speaker 1: talk about are Rags to riches story. Although the rags
Speaker 1: weren't like complete rags, it's still you know, Malibu life,
Speaker 1: but I mean, good grief. I know it's infuriating for
Speaker 1: some people to listen to it, but I just love them.
Speaker 1: I mean just so excited. I just love I just
Speaker 1: love how he was like, Oh what am I gonna
Speaker 1: do with my life? Oh? Maybe I'll become a real
Speaker 1: estate agent. Oh maybe I'll become the best real estate
Speaker 1: agent in the world. That's fascinating. How in the world
Speaker 1: does that happen? Pretty good? Huh. People talk about the
Speaker 1: American dream being dead. I say, nay, nay, not dead alive,
Speaker 1: And well, yeah, I'm sure Chris is a conspiracy nut.
Speaker 1: But you know, put that aside. You guy's just delightful
Speaker 1: to be around. Eddie. You still hyped up back there?
Speaker 1: Not really? No, you know what, you need a Toss
Speaker 1: Show T shirt? Huh No, it's just the thing throwing
Speaker 1: a T shirt to somebody that used to get people
Speaker 1: so excited. But you know it's been a while, the
Speaker 1: T shirt canon. How long has that been out? Twenty years?
Speaker 1: They need to up their game. You know you want
Speaker 1: me to scream a T shirt's not going to do it.
Speaker 1: You throw a shack at my way and I'll fucking
Speaker 1: stand and cheer the entire fourth quarter. That's a fact.
Speaker 1: By the way, Head on over now to tossshowstore dot
Speaker 1: com and get yourself some fresh new merch. Every purchase
Speaker 1: comes with a couple of tickles. That's a pretty good deal.
Speaker 1: You know what else I want to plug? This is exciting?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 1: Did you guys. See Tony who fixed my Subaru three
Speaker 1: sixty sandbar, a little minivan thing. He did an episode
Speaker 1: on it. It's available. You go check it out on
Speaker 1: his YouTube channel called Stay Tuned. I think it came
Speaker 1: out a few weeks ago, but I watched it because
Speaker 1: it was about my van. I think they all made
Speaker 1: fun of my van. I knew they would. They were
Speaker 1: curious how I get into that thing. It's tricky, it's
Speaker 1: not easy, but I can get in. You slouch a
Speaker 1: little bit. You can. You know, you don't have to
Speaker 1: sit up straight. He slouch like this, You lean over,
Speaker 1: You do your drive. I'm not I'm not. I'm not
Speaker 1: doing road trips. I'm just going around the neighborhood and
Speaker 1: honking at people. Anyway. What other plugs go boyswarpink dot
Speaker 1: com Check that out. Eddiegosling dot com check out his
Speaker 1: tour dates. Daniel Tosh dot com check out my tour dates.
Speaker 1: Come see Carl and I. We're gonna be in New Orleans.
Speaker 1: We're gonna in Hawaii, We're gonna be in Reno, We're
Speaker 1: gonna be in Washington. I'm gonna do a whole big
Speaker 1: tour next year. Buddy, you ready for that gas up
Speaker 1: the bus. Now it's time for free plug. Hit the music.
Speaker 1: Damn you hear that kind of music? You gotta flash
Speaker 1: your tits all right? The free plug today. If you
Speaker 1: own a sword made out of a pool noodle and
Speaker 1: are in Georgetown, Texas, November two and third, head down
Speaker 1: to Reunion Ranch located at eight five zero Country Road
Speaker 1: two five five for a larpfest. The amassing whether a
Speaker 1: valiant hero or a powerful villain. Participants will immerse themselves
Speaker 1: in a post apocalyptic scenario as they act out the
Speaker 1: roles of their chosen characters. I'm surprised that the tickets.
Speaker 1: I'm surprised there's tickets period, to be honest with you,
Speaker 1: but you can you don't have to dress up. I
Speaker 1: guess you can just go to watch their Spectator passes
Speaker 1: for twenty four to fifty tickets can go all the
Speaker 1: way to three hundred dollars. If you want to be
Speaker 1: a main character, what the fuck you get? All right?
Speaker 1: So you just get you can just pay to be
Speaker 1: the star of the festival. And it sounds like I
Speaker 1: love it, all right, I don't know, I'm not shitting
Speaker 1: on it. I'm sorry. Three hundred dollars for anyone wants
Speaker 1: to be a main character or attend the VIP pre party.
Speaker 1: You know those nerds get there early too. If this
Speaker 1: seems like something you'd want to do with your weekend
Speaker 1: and fucking I have no idea why, head over to
Speaker 1: larpfest dot net. Yeahh shame on you, guy who is
Speaker 1: squatting on larpfest dot com. I got a gold mind here.
Speaker 1: Never give it up. Head on over to larpfest dot
Speaker 1: net for more information. What more information you need? You
Speaker 1: dress up, you head on down to Georgetown, Texas, and
Speaker 1: you have the best weekend of your life. Is November
Speaker 1: two third a weekend? Yes it is? Oh good? Good
Speaker 1: for them? No, that'd be fun, that's good, clean fun.
Speaker 1: I almost sent my son to a private school, and
Speaker 1: when they were giving us the tour of this private school,
Speaker 1: they're like, you know, we were we do LARPing on Thursday.
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh yeah, I'm just gonna send
Speaker 1: him to public school. Way better than this fucking nonsense.
Speaker 1: See you next week.