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Speaker 1: Conversations on life, style, beauty and relationships. It's the Velvet's

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Speaker 1: Edge Podcast with Kelly Henderson. What's up you guys. It's

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Speaker 1: Kelly and this is a Solow podcast. You know I

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Speaker 1: love those so much? Oh my god, I don't if

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Speaker 1: you haven't listened before. I hate them. But I just

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Speaker 1: held some things to say today and I felt this

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Speaker 1: need to really connect with you guys, and sometimes for

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Speaker 1: me that is just best. And I've toured my heart

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Speaker 1: out and get really honest about what's been going on.

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Speaker 1: And the thing that I'm dealing with lately is burnout.

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Speaker 1: I think I've actually been dealing with it for quite

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Speaker 1: some time now. For the last couple of years have

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Speaker 1: just rocked me. And I know that's been the case

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Speaker 1: for so many people. And obviously we've been going through

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Speaker 1: a global pandemic, so we're all feeling this to some

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Speaker 1: degree for different reasons. I have found many different conversations

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Speaker 1: come up in my life where there's a lot of

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Speaker 1: burnout happening, just from the constant bad news that comes up.

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Speaker 1: It's just one thing I've dur another. Are we ever

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Speaker 1: going to get a break? Are we ever going to

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Speaker 1: see the lot at the end of the tunnel. The losses,

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Speaker 1: the amount of losses that some of us have experienced.

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Speaker 1: That's been my case. It's been losses of relationships, losses

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Speaker 1: of jobs because of the pandemic, losses of normal living. Um.

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Speaker 1: I've had fertility issues. That was another loss. It's just

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Speaker 1: been one thing after another, and they've all added up

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Speaker 1: to being in a place of just complete overwhelmed. The

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Speaker 1: pandemic helped in some ways for me UM, and I

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Speaker 1: think this is the case for some other people too,

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Speaker 1: as I got some downtime so grieving all of the

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Speaker 1: things that I was grieving and going through all of

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Speaker 1: the panic and the confusion that was happening. Sometimes things

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Speaker 1: shutting down is exactly what we need to happen. However,

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Speaker 1: now I'm realizing, as I start to get back into

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Speaker 1: somewhat normal life, I just don't have the capacity to

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Speaker 1: do the things that I used to do, and sometimes

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Speaker 1: that is getting overwhelming because I just don't feel like

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Speaker 1: I know where to start. There's absolutely no chance that

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Speaker 1: I could do the same things that I've done in

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Speaker 1: a day in the past. Now I feel like I

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Speaker 1: could barely even do half of that amount. I don't

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Speaker 1: really know how I used to function, but it's been

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Speaker 1: a big reminder to me and the fact that we

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Speaker 1: probably were pushing ourselves way too hard. I've always heard

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Speaker 1: stories about American culture being so over the top and

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Speaker 1: so ridiculous, and the go go, go, go go, and

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Speaker 1: constantly filling our time with different activities or jobs or

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Speaker 1: relationships or whatever it was. We don't take the time

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Speaker 1: to stop, the time to breathe, the time to connect

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Speaker 1: with ourselves and actually deal with anything we're feeling. We

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Speaker 1: just medicate over and over and over, and thus we

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Speaker 1: have a crazy, anxious, depressed society that I think became

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Speaker 1: very um I became very aware of it during the pandemic.

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Speaker 1: I do think there's some other things that are happening

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Speaker 1: with burnout, though, and some other places that people are

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Speaker 1: experiencing it. One that I've read about is if you

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Speaker 1: have a job where you're now working at home, or

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Speaker 1: you have a job that kept going during the pandemic

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Speaker 1: unlike mine, um, and you were required to wake up

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Speaker 1: every day through all of this turmoil and work, you

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Speaker 1: had a lot of work on your plate. Maybe you

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Speaker 1: were even in a digital world where you got more

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Speaker 1: work during the pandemic and now what you're finding is

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Speaker 1: that some of the relationships or activities that you used

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Speaker 1: to do that brought joy and meeting to your life

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Speaker 1: that was something other than work aren't the same, or

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Speaker 1: they aren't there, or you got kind of pushed away

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Speaker 1: from those first a certain amount of time, and so

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Speaker 1: that can bring burnout. Um. I think over all the

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Speaker 1: biggest thing is just that we have experienced a collective trauma.

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Speaker 1: And I try to sometimes pretend like grief doesn't feel

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Speaker 1: really heavy, maybe because I don't have the time to

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Speaker 1: let it take me down. Um it has in the past,

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Speaker 1: and I think that once you've gone through depressive episode,

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Speaker 1: you get really scared to ever go through that again.

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Speaker 1: And so I know, for me, I will use all

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Speaker 1: my tools. I'll tell myself I'm being healthy, and I

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Speaker 1: will try to avoid feeling heavy, heavy grief because I

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Speaker 1: know it can just take me out. But what happens

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Speaker 1: with that is it ends up still taking you out,

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Speaker 1: and maybe even in a more sideways, unhealthy version of

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Speaker 1: that grief. Um. So what I'm leading into now is

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Speaker 1: how do we get back to life. How do we

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Speaker 1: except that yes, we are feeling burnout for whatever the reason.

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Speaker 1: How do we accept those challenges and know that they're

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Speaker 1: a part of our life at this moment, and how

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Speaker 1: do we navigate them. I feel like tons of people's

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Speaker 1: jobs have changed, tons of people's lives have changed, and

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Speaker 1: that in and of itself can be a grieving period.

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Speaker 1: Even if life is going to be better on this

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Speaker 1: other side, which actually I'm starting to believe that it is,

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Speaker 1: we can still grieve our old life and not feel

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Speaker 1: any shame in that. If there were things that needed

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Speaker 1: to go, a relationships that needed to end, jobs that

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Speaker 1: needed to change, if you finally found your purpose or

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Speaker 1: you feel like you're finding a new direction. I think

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Speaker 1: that's what a lot of people are experiencing right now,

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Speaker 1: and that is all positive stuff. Even the fact that

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Speaker 1: we can say to ourselves we were working too hard,

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Speaker 1: we were experiencing extremes amount of stress that aren't good

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Speaker 1: for our bodies. I can still look back, and I

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Speaker 1: think most people could and go, God, I miss that.

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Speaker 1: I miss the intensity of my life in the past.

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Speaker 1: Although I can't do it right now anymore, I don't

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Speaker 1: feel wired to do that anymore, I still can miss it,

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Speaker 1: and I can still grieve the period of time that

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Speaker 1: that was and all of the things that it brought

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Speaker 1: to me. I do feel like life in general has

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Speaker 1: been overwhelming and chaotic. It has, like I said earlier,

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Speaker 1: been a string of bad news, and unfortunately, I don't

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Speaker 1: feel that's ending. Chip and I actually did a podcast

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Speaker 1: on the edge a couple of weeks ago, how we're

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Speaker 1: having to and talked about how we were really having

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Speaker 1: to be conscious about the news we were taking in

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Speaker 1: because of the emotional and mental effects that we were

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Speaker 1: feeling because of it. Chip's been off the news for

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Speaker 1: I think almost two weeks now, and he said he

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Speaker 1: feels so much lighter, he feels so much more in

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Speaker 1: tune with what's actually going on with him and what

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Speaker 1: weight he was picking up from our country or from

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Speaker 1: other tragedies. And I don't think that any of us

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Speaker 1: really want to feel like we're uninformed or not in

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Speaker 1: the know of what's happening, But maybe protecting ourselves a

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Speaker 1: little bit is something we all need to think about

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Speaker 1: when we get to that acceptance of the things that

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Speaker 1: have been happening. So I did look up burnout basically

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Speaker 1: because that was what I was feeling today. And I

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Speaker 1: had an interview schedule that got shifted because of another job,

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Speaker 1: and I just thought to myself, this is a some

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Speaker 1: point where I used to jump through hoops, used to

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Speaker 1: kill myself to make something happen, and I just don't

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Speaker 1: do that anymore. I can't do that anymore, And so

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Speaker 1: I wanted to be honest with you guys and just

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Speaker 1: talk a little bit about that. I know I'm finding

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Speaker 1: a different stride and it's kind of about reevaluating the

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Speaker 1: things that are really important to me and what I

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Speaker 1: want to put my energy into. And this podcast is

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Speaker 1: hands down one of them. So that will keep happening.

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Speaker 1: I just need to maybe get better at scheduling differently.

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Speaker 1: New change is happening here. But I did look up

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Speaker 1: burnout because I was literally sitting here thinking to myself,

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Speaker 1: why can't I do what I used to do? Why

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Speaker 1: can I operate that way? What is wrong with me?

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Speaker 1: It felt like such a personal problem. And literally I

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Speaker 1: put the word burnout into my Google search, and so

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Speaker 1: many article articles if you pull up burnout, it is

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Speaker 1: such a common theme happening right now about burnout. Like

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Speaker 1: I said, there's so many different avenues to our angles

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Speaker 1: to why people are feeling this, but it's happening. Burnout

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Speaker 1: is happening, and I think a lot of us relate

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Speaker 1: to all of those things. So if you're feeling it,

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Speaker 1: just know you aren't alone. And if you want to

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Speaker 1: go find some information about why it might be happening

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Speaker 1: to you, or even tips on what experts say are

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Speaker 1: things that would help, if it's mindfulness or whatever it

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Speaker 1: might be. Especially in the office place, they're they're coming

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Speaker 1: up with so many different things that people can do

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Speaker 1: to help themselves who are experiencing burnout. Um, but it

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Speaker 1: did inspire me to kind of put together the list

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Speaker 1: of things that I am doing that are helping me

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Speaker 1: come out of this haze and find myself again or

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Speaker 1: actually maybe redefine myself in my life and what I

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Speaker 1: want my life to be and how I want to

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Speaker 1: feel in my life. So again I'm not an expert.

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Speaker 1: If you want to go look at what some expert

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Speaker 1: opinions are, I do highly recommend that. Literally just type

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Speaker 1: in burnout into your Google and you will it a

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Speaker 1: plethora of articles of tips of things people are doing

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Speaker 1: that can help burn out. Here's what I'm doing, Here's

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Speaker 1: what's working for me. First things. First, remove toxic relationships

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Speaker 1: from your life. This has been happening for me regardless

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Speaker 1: of my choice. Some of you probably saw it on

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Speaker 1: National TV. Other things have happened in my life in

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Speaker 1: the past two years that I'm just finding I don't

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Speaker 1: have the space for bullshit anymore. I think toxic relationships

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Speaker 1: can be kind of sneaky because it can come in

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Speaker 1: the form of an acquaintance maybe, or it can be

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Speaker 1: someone who was such a long term friend that we

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Speaker 1: don't even see some of the cycles or some of

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Speaker 1: the um the off nature of the relationship, maybe the

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Speaker 1: one sided nature of their relationship, or maybe that you

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Speaker 1: don't really even have that much in common with this

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Speaker 1: person anymore, but you're still giving so much energy to

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Speaker 1: this relationship. And at a time like that, when burnout

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Speaker 1: is real, we're all experiencing something really traumatic. Who has

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Speaker 1: extra energy, because if you do, email me let me know,

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Speaker 1: because I don't have it and I want to know

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Speaker 1: how to get more always. But I do know that

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Speaker 1: eliminating things that are bad for me, such as toxic relationships,

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Speaker 1: is a huge, huge energy saver. First of all, you're

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Speaker 1: not putting energy into the negative aspects of your life.

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Speaker 1: Second of all, you're not just being taken for your

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Speaker 1: energy without being poured back into That's been something that's

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Speaker 1: truly been a bad pattern of mine in my life.

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Speaker 1: Probably a lot of it has to do with the

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Speaker 1: nature of my job to My job is one of service,

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Speaker 1: it's one of taking care of people, and those can

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Speaker 1: be really depleting. So even over the years, unconsciously, I

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Speaker 1: have started only taking clients that I feel it's a

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Speaker 1: mutually beneficial relationship, whether that's financially, whether that is because

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Speaker 1: of their art and what they pour back into me.

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Speaker 1: I just don't have the capacity for what I used

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Speaker 1: to as far as relationships go, whether it's a work relationship,

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Speaker 1: a friendship, and dating relationship, whatever. My body can't function

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Speaker 1: in the same way if I'm constantly being drained by

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Speaker 1: a relationship. So I think it's like been a huge

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Speaker 1: part of going into the pandemic to realize that you

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Speaker 1: could only see certain people at certain times, and so

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Speaker 1: you didn't really have the option to see all these

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Speaker 1: extra people or go to these like, oh, let's go

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Speaker 1: grab a drink kind of things. You know, we all

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Speaker 1: had those relationships in our life where it was like,

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Speaker 1: let me just go grab a coffee with this person.

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Speaker 1: You don't really like invest in this person or it's

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Speaker 1: fun for a second. But like those kind of relationships

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Speaker 1: kind of fell through the cracks during the pandemic, and I,

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Speaker 1: for one didn't really miss them. That was something I

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Speaker 1: realized was all this time that I was giving to

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Speaker 1: one sided that weren't filling me back up, they went unmissed.

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Speaker 1: The relationships that mattered to me were the ones that

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Speaker 1: going on. It wasn't just the pandemic. I feel like

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Speaker 1: the universe is making lots of changes for all of us.

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Speaker 1: And so if you can be in a mutually supportive

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Speaker 1: same time but also building each other up instead of

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Speaker 1: it being one sided and take take, take, take take,

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Speaker 1: I think that's the kind of relationships that I want

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Speaker 1: moving forward, Relationships of love, relationships that involved fun, but

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Speaker 1: there's so much more. There's so much deeper than just

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Speaker 1: let's go out and have some drinks and get drunk

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Speaker 1: or party together. It's just so much more than that now,

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Speaker 1: and I'm realizing taking the toxic relationships out of my

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Speaker 1: life feels like a loss at first, and like I

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Speaker 1: said earlier, can be agreeving process for a minute, but

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Speaker 1: ultimately it's for your highest good. It serves your highest

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Speaker 1: purpose and can bring a lot of peace. Speaking of

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Speaker 1: alcohol during the pandemic, Uh, yeah, my happy hours kept

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Speaker 1: getting earlier and earlier. Did anyone else feel that? That's

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Speaker 1: just me being honest? And it's kind of embarrassing actually

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Speaker 1: that that was a medicator that I used, but it was,

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Speaker 1: and I've talked about it a little bit before on

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Speaker 1: this podcast, um that during the pandemic, I think I

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Speaker 1: was just sort of numbing out and you know, trying

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Speaker 1: so you're at home, why not have a drink one?

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Speaker 1: I have a last one and it just became sort

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Speaker 1: of this bad habit. I'm not sober, I haven't quit drinking,

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Speaker 1: but I'm really realizing I do not need so much

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Speaker 1: alcohol in my life. And that has been a major

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Speaker 1: shift in the past couple of months. That's helped open

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Speaker 1: up so much energy and space in my life for peace.

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Speaker 1: I didn't realize how much creatively that was zapping me

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Speaker 1: when you wake up in the morning and you're just

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Speaker 1: kind of hazy, you just don't feel like doing anything.

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Speaker 1: So not only are we trying to adjust back to

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Speaker 1: the days of being busy and full force at work again,

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Speaker 1: but if you're not at your own best self physically, mentally, emotionally,

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Speaker 1: it's really hard to do that. I find personally that

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Speaker 1: alcohol just really plays into all of that. For me,

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Speaker 1: my energy levels are low. I don't sleep as well.

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Speaker 1: It's such a myth by the way that people are like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna have a glass of red wine and

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Speaker 1: go to bed. That is not in it. That's a myth.

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Speaker 1: It does not work. Alcohol processes in your body every

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Speaker 1: it makes all of that worse. It's kind of like

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Speaker 1: those Sunday scary as they always talked about. That's what

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Speaker 1: you're having them every day. Yeah, that's not fun. Um.

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Speaker 1: It's also a depressant. So the joy, the simple pleasures,

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Speaker 1: the happiness, the serotonin level is all of that just

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Speaker 1: gets dropped lower when you're drinking consistently, and maybe it's

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Speaker 1: even a glass or two of one every night. And

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Speaker 1: that's what it was for me. But before I realized it,

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Speaker 1: that was becoming the norm. And now that I'm not

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Speaker 1: doing that, I'm realizing, Oh, my skin looks better, I

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Speaker 1: feel better, I have more energy, I feel more myself.

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Speaker 1: I'm so much more creative. I could speak more clearly here.

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Speaker 1: I am doing a solo podcast because I haven't been

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Speaker 1: drinking very much. Okay, Next is sleep. This goes back

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Speaker 1: into taking care of your body. But I used to

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Speaker 1: feel a lot of shame about needing a lot of sleep.

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Speaker 1: But my body just needs a lot of sleep. And

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Speaker 1: I'm starting to accept that wholeheartedly, especially right now as

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Speaker 1: I'm processing through navigating a new world, navigating what maybe

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Speaker 1: a new purpose would be for me, for Velvet's Edge,

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Speaker 1: for life in general, and also still processing the grief.

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Speaker 1: Like I talked about, I need more sleep during that.

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Speaker 1: So I have a new rule with myself. No less

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Speaker 1: than seven hours. Uh. That doesn't sound ideal obviously, but

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Speaker 1: I was running on fumes in twenty nineteen. I would

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Speaker 1: sleep ridiculous small, ridiculously small amounts of hours, and uh yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Again, I don't know how it was functioning.

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Speaker 1: But no less than seven and eight to nine is

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Speaker 1: the norm. If I need more, I'm giving myself more.

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Speaker 1: Um I'm trying to factor in, you know, early mornings

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Speaker 1: with work and things like that. But if I need

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Speaker 1: to go to bed really early, I'm going to bed

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Speaker 1: early early. If I need to sleep a little later,

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Speaker 1: I'm sleeping a little later. And the biggest key there

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Speaker 1: is to not shame yourself for the things that you

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Speaker 1: need or that your body needs. Um. That was I

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Speaker 1: used to feel really guilty, like, oh, you know that

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Speaker 1: personally sleeps six hours, I need to sleep six hours.

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Speaker 1: Well maybe they only need six hours, but I need

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Speaker 1: more than that. And so it's about knowing your body,

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Speaker 1: being in touch with yourself, and giving yourself what you need. Lastly,

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Speaker 1: I think a mental health chat is the biggest thing

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Speaker 1: that we can all do for ourselves. This looks different

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Speaker 1: for everybody, So it's really about being in tune with yourself.

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Speaker 1: And one of the most are the biggest lessons. Let

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Speaker 1: me say that one of the biggest lessons I've learned

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Speaker 1: probably in the past six months is something I've known

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Speaker 1: for a long time logically, but it's really finally registering

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Speaker 1: with me emotionally and in my heart the same way

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Speaker 1: that it does in my head. And that's the thing.

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Speaker 1: You know. You always hear people say your most important

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Speaker 1: relationship is your relationship with yourself, and maybe it's an

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Speaker 1: age thing too. You start to really realize the truth

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Speaker 1: in that. But if you aren't taking care of yourself,

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Speaker 1: if you aren't in touch with yourself and your own needs,

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Speaker 1: if you aren't giving yourself the love that you so

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Speaker 1: long for in this life, you cannot find it anywhere else. Also,

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Speaker 1: you cannot function to your highest capacity. So with that said,

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Speaker 1: being in touch with yourself, knowing what you need, knowing

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Speaker 1: all of the things your body, your mind, your your soul,

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Speaker 1: all of the things they need, that is only going

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Speaker 1: to enhance all of your other relationships, your careers, your friendships,

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Speaker 1: your life in general. And like I said, that can

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Speaker 1: come in many forms. I mean, it could be therapy,

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Speaker 1: and it's what a lot of people do. I love

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Speaker 1: therapy in the headspace. That is one of the highest

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Speaker 1: goals for me. It's always been one of the highest

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Speaker 1: learning places. It's so helpful. Also find that tying in

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Speaker 1: talk therapy with other practices like yoga, breathwork, energy healing.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it could be astrology. You guys know I

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Speaker 1: love all of this stuff, as you hear on the

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Speaker 1: podcast all the time or seal on Velvet's Edge. In general,

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Speaker 1: I just think it's also important and they all serve

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Speaker 1: different purposes. So if you're just doing therapy, maybe you

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Speaker 1: want to tie in some body work, do some yoga,

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Speaker 1: do something that puts you in your body and back

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Speaker 1: in touch with your breath, back in touch with identifying

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Speaker 1: your own needs and all of those parts of it. Um,

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Speaker 1: whatever your body needs to find peace. I know it's

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Speaker 1: different for everyone, So I can sit here and list

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Speaker 1: off all the million things that I do. I honestly

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Speaker 1: love this stuff, So the more I can do, the better,

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Speaker 1: the more at piece I feel. UM. But it's whatever

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Speaker 1: it is for you, and honestly, it's also about fitting

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Speaker 1: it into your life, whatever is helpful for you. For clarity,

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Speaker 1: for mindfulness, all of those things are so important. And

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Speaker 1: I am finding that the more in touch I get

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Speaker 1: with myself and finding my own inner piece and my

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Speaker 1: own body piece, my own mind piece, like letting go

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Speaker 1: of the anxiety, letting go of depression, all of those

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Speaker 1: pieces of this um the more the less burnout I'm feeling,

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Speaker 1: so I am more available for the things that are

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Speaker 1: coming into my life now or getting back to the

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Speaker 1: things that I was doing before. Also plan things to

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Speaker 1: look forward to, so now that we can finally get

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Speaker 1: back into life and more things are opening up, intentionally

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Speaker 1: planned something or put something on the calendar each week

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Speaker 1: that brings you joy. This has made a huge difference

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Speaker 1: for me to have stuff to get excited about again.

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Speaker 1: So whether it's going to your favorite restaurant, going for

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Speaker 1: a hike. I honestly recently did a hip hop dance class.

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Speaker 1: Yes you're never too old. I also took a cooking

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Speaker 1: class last week. Just exciting things that you could do

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Speaker 1: with people that you love. This goes back to those

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Speaker 1: relationships that fill you up. Find a friend that wants

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Speaker 1: to get in on the activities that you're doing, and

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Speaker 1: just do something one thing a week, one thing that

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Speaker 1: could be big or small, that gets you excited, that

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Speaker 1: helps you embrace just the blessing of your life of

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Speaker 1: being alive. Remember why you love your life and all

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Speaker 1: the magic that's out there. That's a huge one for me.

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Speaker 1: I hope this is healthfully y'all. I hate solo podcasting,

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Speaker 1: so I hope it wasn't a full ramble. But I

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Speaker 1: do love feedback and you have anything's, any things that

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Speaker 1: you're doing, or any tips that you're doing. They are

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Speaker 1: helping you with the burnout or even just your stories

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Speaker 1: of burnout and what's you're experiencing personally. I love to

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Speaker 1: connect with you guys. Also, am always open to new suggestions,

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Speaker 1: So d m me at Velvet Edge on Instagram or

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Speaker 1: you can slide into my email as well. It's um

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Speaker 1: Kelly at velvet edge dot com to hit me up directly.

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Speaker 1: Any feedback is welcome. Thank you guys so much for listening.

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Speaker 1: Love y'all and hope you have an amazing day. Thanks

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Speaker 1: for listening to the Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson,

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Speaker 1: where we believe everyone has a little velvet and a

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Speaker 1: little edge. Subscribe for more conversations on life, style, beauty

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Speaker 1: and relationships. Search Velvet's Edge wherever you get your podcasts.