WEBVTT - Ep140: Online Dating Done Right feat Damona Hoffman & Stacy 0:00:00.520 --> 0:00:03.000 Hey or hive. This week's episode is brought to you 0:00:03.040 --> 0:00:06.120 by none other than Adam and Eve. We all like 0:00:06.200 --> 0:00:10.200 free ship, sometimes not all the time, but when free 0:00:10.240 --> 0:00:12.719 ship is a good ship, that's when we really like it. 0:00:12.840 --> 0:00:18.520 So Adam and Eve is now giving our listeners off 0:00:18.560 --> 0:00:22.280 of almost any one item, but they're also throwing a 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:26.000 ton of more free ship into the mix. Enter off 0:00:26.000 --> 0:00:28.639 for code w D five zero and check out and 0:00:28.720 --> 0:00:32.280 get ten free gifts. That's a sexy item for him, 0:00:32.640 --> 0:00:35.120 a special gift for her, and a third item that 0:00:35.159 --> 0:00:39.600 you'll both enjoy, plus six free spicy movies. And they're 0:00:39.600 --> 0:00:43.320 throwing in free shipping and handling. 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So 0:01:26.080 --> 0:01:29.280 go now to Maka fest dot com, go to the 0:01:29.360 --> 0:01:33.560 Jamaica trip Moca Fes and say fifty dollars off of 0:01:33.560 --> 0:01:37.520 your booking using promo code horrible. W h O R 0:01:37.600 --> 0:01:39.640 E I b l E. We can't wait to see 0:01:39.680 --> 0:01:46.679 you there. Now, let's get on with the show. Hey guys, 0:01:47.080 --> 0:01:50.160 how are you? Yes, it's the raste one and only 0:01:50.200 --> 0:01:54.080 Mandy V. Hey guys, it's Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, 0:01:54.080 --> 0:01:57.720 whatever day you're listening to us. It is Horrible Decisions 0:01:57.760 --> 0:02:01.000 And I am recording live out here in Los Angeles. 0:02:01.960 --> 0:02:05.640 I am joined by a guest co host today because 0:02:05.760 --> 0:02:09.160 Wheezy is still in New York and probably actually in 0:02:09.200 --> 0:02:12.880 Europe right now. But I am joined by my good 0:02:12.960 --> 0:02:19.120 friend Stacy. Hi. You really just so nervous because you're 0:02:19.160 --> 0:02:22.480 just staring straight now crazy. You totally just you just 0:02:22.520 --> 0:02:25.639 introduced yourself like Wheezy. I'm like, Yo, just Mendy b 0:02:25.919 --> 0:02:31.000 A k A. Hi, I'm Stacy, Okay, I'm the realist 0:02:31.040 --> 0:02:34.960 bitch ever a k A Stacy a kor just Stacy 0:02:35.040 --> 0:02:38.240 Ak the only one she has money signed, boss Witch. 0:02:40.720 --> 0:02:42.640 And it's not just us in the studio today, we 0:02:42.680 --> 0:02:46.600 are also joined by a lovely lady that you guys 0:02:46.720 --> 0:02:49.320 may or may not have seen, but you're gonna learn 0:02:49.360 --> 0:02:51.040 her today. She's been on TV and I'm gonna allow 0:02:51.080 --> 0:02:53.239 her just both about all of her accolades that she's 0:02:53.480 --> 0:02:57.720 been through. Go ahead and introduce yourself. Well, Hello, I'm 0:02:57.760 --> 0:03:02.640 Demona Hoffman and I am certified dating coach and you 0:03:02.680 --> 0:03:05.519 may have seen me on the TV show's hashtag black 0:03:05.560 --> 0:03:08.200 Love on f Y I or a Question of Love, 0:03:08.480 --> 0:03:11.040 Black Lives. Yeah, and I write for b ET and 0:03:11.160 --> 0:03:16.000 Washington Post and all kinds of magazines. But let's say 0:03:16.040 --> 0:03:23.280 that now I'm loving I'm loving it, Oprah Magazine Daily 0:03:24.560 --> 0:03:25.840 That there's what I do. This is what I do. 0:03:26.280 --> 0:03:29.880 You're an expert dating coach. That is your typle on 0:03:29.960 --> 0:03:33.320 how to date and um also how to stay in 0:03:33.400 --> 0:03:37.160 relationships if they want. Gosh, Mandy needs you and her 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:40.680 I'm so excited. I'm not even a lie. When you 0:03:40.760 --> 0:03:43.640 were coming, I was literally like, so you emailed us 0:03:43.640 --> 0:03:45.200 and I was like, oh, yeah, we need this because 0:03:45.320 --> 0:03:48.480 I apparently need an intervention when it comes to dating, 0:03:49.040 --> 0:03:51.680 and so I'm super excited to be having, um, the 0:03:51.680 --> 0:03:53.560 conversation we're gonna have. Of course, we are going to 0:03:53.600 --> 0:03:58.160 talk about dating. We're gonna dig into the mistakes of 0:03:58.240 --> 0:04:01.320 online dating and also eating. As a millennial, UM, A 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:03.400 lot of us, what what is millennial? What is that 0:04:03.480 --> 0:04:08.600 eighty seven to ninety six or something like that? Millennial? 0:04:09.440 --> 0:04:11.400 I know me too, but I was born in nineteen ninety, 0:04:11.480 --> 0:04:13.320 but I feel like I think it's like eighty five. 0:04:13.560 --> 0:04:15.840 No no, no, no, no, no, hold on, because I 0:04:15.920 --> 0:04:17.919 researched this because my man's ten years older and he 0:04:17.920 --> 0:04:20.200 wouldn't and I was he always talked about because I'm 0:04:20.240 --> 0:04:24.279 ten years younger. And it says millennial was like seventy 0:04:24.320 --> 0:04:27.479 I don't know. Google it. It's I think it's like 0:04:27.560 --> 0:04:32.080 seventy nine. Basically, we don't know what the millennials just 0:04:32.120 --> 0:04:35.200 a state of mind. Okay, I would say between between 0:04:36.279 --> 0:04:41.760 mid twenties two late thirties would be I would agree 0:04:41.800 --> 0:04:44.000 with you, yeah, which would be about the millennials. Okay, 0:04:44.120 --> 0:04:46.279 do you want the real answer? Yes? Go ahead, Okay, 0:04:46.279 --> 0:04:51.320 early nineteen eighties, UM to mid nineteen nineties, early two 0:04:51.360 --> 0:04:55.719 thousand's Okay, yeah, that's about as early as nineteen eighty 0:04:55.760 --> 0:04:57.880 one to nineteen nineties sixty. There we go eighty one 0:04:57.920 --> 0:05:00.799 to ninety six. So this really um, this I guess 0:05:00.800 --> 0:05:04.599 conversation is kind of going to apply to so many 0:05:04.800 --> 0:05:06.800 of you guys. I guess before we get started to 0:05:06.920 --> 0:05:10.360 instead of doing an icebreaker, because it's gonna be pretty 0:05:10.520 --> 0:05:16.040 pretty PG thirteen ish. Apparently she has an eleven year 0:05:16.040 --> 0:05:17.560 old daughter, and I don't know how to be even 0:05:17.640 --> 0:05:26.800 PG so do not let Mandy watch like sexual filter 0:05:26.960 --> 0:05:29.200 at all. But I didn't know, like what you can. 0:05:29.279 --> 0:05:30.919 I cannot stay around a kid because I feel like 0:05:31.160 --> 0:05:33.000 these conversations need to be had. So me and her 0:05:33.080 --> 0:05:36.040 daughter were watching the vim as and this is not 0:05:36.080 --> 0:05:38.240 what I'm talking about. I know, well I'm gonna what 0:05:38.400 --> 0:05:41.159 I'm gonna bring it up. So we're talking and I 0:05:41.200 --> 0:05:43.400 see the girl like kind of Caballo or whatever her 0:05:43.480 --> 0:05:45.760 name is, and so we're talking about Fifth Harmony. I 0:05:45.880 --> 0:05:48.600 was like, oh, yeah, one of them date ty Dolla 0:05:48.680 --> 0:05:50.760 Sign and I was really heartbroken because I'm followed him 0:05:50.800 --> 0:05:53.480 because he posted so much of him and this girl, 0:05:55.080 --> 0:05:57.160 and so she tells me she updates. She's like, I 0:05:57.200 --> 0:05:59.599 think they broke up. I'm fill the bathroom like with 0:05:59.680 --> 0:06:01.720 the door close, listening, not saying anything. So she's not 0:06:01.800 --> 0:06:04.159 saying I'm literally talking to her eleven year old daughter 0:06:04.240 --> 0:06:06.640 like oh my god. So we're looking on Google about 0:06:06.640 --> 0:06:09.080 why they broke up. We're looking up his instagram, her 0:06:09.120 --> 0:06:11.520 instagram like, oh my god, all the pictures have been deleted. 0:06:11.720 --> 0:06:13.800 And I was like, dang, he's saying now he's fine. 0:06:13.839 --> 0:06:16.080 I'm about to slide at his DM and we literally 0:06:16.120 --> 0:06:19.080 were just talking within Yeah, she also just entered middle school, 0:06:19.320 --> 0:06:21.760 and I was like, yeah, that was probably here we go. 0:06:23.360 --> 0:06:25.640 So I just just like my daughter, she is eleven. 0:06:25.720 --> 0:06:28.000 She's very mature. A lot of my friends forget that 0:06:28.080 --> 0:06:30.400 she's eleven, and my daughter will look at you and 0:06:30.440 --> 0:06:32.680 listen to you. It's like whatever you tell her, like really, 0:06:33.000 --> 0:06:35.480 like she didn't she's older. Anyways, She's talking about how 0:06:35.520 --> 0:06:40.080 she just got into middle school and um Mandy, she's 0:06:40.120 --> 0:06:42.559 just like walking around like, oh, I remember middle school. 0:06:42.600 --> 0:06:44.600 I was getting my titty sucked on in eighth grade. 0:06:44.800 --> 0:06:48.640 You did not, man, Oh my god. I cross. I 0:06:48.720 --> 0:06:51.200 was just like in middle school, that's when you do 0:06:51.360 --> 0:06:53.440 start like experience, like that's where I had my first 0:06:53.480 --> 0:06:56.280 tone kiss my friends were getting finger pops. I had 0:06:56.279 --> 0:06:58.719 my nipples. Say that to a fucking eleven arld that 0:06:58.839 --> 0:07:01.359 just entered sixth grade. You want her to be you 0:07:01.360 --> 0:07:03.840 want her to be open with you when that happens 0:07:04.200 --> 0:07:09.240 very forward. I wasn't ready for her to say were 0:07:09.320 --> 0:07:12.560 sucked on? Yeah. I talked to my nine year old 0:07:12.600 --> 0:07:14.960 and like, not, I don't go that far with it. No, 0:07:15.040 --> 0:07:17.080 that's a little bit much. My daughter just stared at me, 0:07:17.160 --> 0:07:19.040 like because the last time she came, she says some 0:07:19.120 --> 0:07:22.880 crazy fucking wild ship. I said. She was on face 0:07:22.960 --> 0:07:25.400 time with somebody I don't know, you know, one of 0:07:25.440 --> 0:07:31.120 her lovers, not lovers, And she was just saying, actually, 0:07:31.840 --> 0:07:34.320 do you remember that? And then Adriana and my daughter 0:07:34.440 --> 0:07:38.160 named ag it was yes, it was him, it was 0:07:38.240 --> 0:07:44.559 him last night. Um well he was drunk and wanting 0:07:44.600 --> 0:07:47.680 me like this, just like I just my daughter just 0:07:47.680 --> 0:07:50.120 doesn't stay at the house. So she doesn't like Mandy 0:07:50.120 --> 0:07:52.280 because she can't stay home because she likes talking to Maddy, 0:07:52.320 --> 0:07:54.480 but I just can't filter her. Oh yeah, like me 0:07:54.560 --> 0:07:56.600 and Hart will be talking and I'll be like I'll 0:07:56.640 --> 0:08:00.240 be like, Adriana, cover your ears, and she's covering them. 0:08:00.360 --> 0:08:02.640 But it's like, girl, I know you hear us. That's 0:08:02.680 --> 0:08:05.559 cute that you're covering your ears. So that's real cute. Okay, 0:08:05.600 --> 0:08:08.800 so we're gonna get into our vanilla ship. Vanilla ship, 0:08:08.840 --> 0:08:10.760 if you guys are listening for the very first time, 0:08:11.320 --> 0:08:13.560 is our sex in the news segment. So this one 0:08:13.560 --> 0:08:16.520 I picked especially for you as a dating coach because 0:08:16.520 --> 0:08:18.920 I would love to know what your thoughts are on this. 0:08:20.040 --> 0:08:24.480 So this comes from Mirror Online. It says that sex 0:08:24.520 --> 0:08:26.880 on the first date is important if you want a 0:08:26.960 --> 0:08:32.440 serious relationship. Yes, so a listening counters dot Com, the 0:08:32.480 --> 0:08:34.679 UK's leading dating site for married people, has shared its 0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:37.920 staggering research into sex on the first date. If you 0:08:37.960 --> 0:08:40.960 want a serious relationship, sex on the first date is crucial. 0:08:41.040 --> 0:08:43.480 According to new research, more than a third of men 0:08:43.520 --> 0:08:46.240 found love after sleeping with their partner on the first date. 0:08:46.840 --> 0:08:49.800 It has led um to a proper relationship for thirty 0:08:49.840 --> 0:08:52.480 six percent of women a percent of men, but women 0:08:52.520 --> 0:08:54.679 are slightly more weary than men of partners who wants 0:08:54.720 --> 0:08:57.440 to jump into bed straight away. Um, I guess I 0:08:57.440 --> 0:09:01.640 wanted to know what your thoughts were on if dating 0:09:02.000 --> 0:09:04.960 on the first night is a tell tell fine, that 0:09:05.120 --> 0:09:07.480 you could or could not be in a serious relationship 0:09:07.520 --> 0:09:09.600 with that person. I wish we can like record your 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:14.920 face expression. I'm not good at yeah, I'm not good 0:09:15.360 --> 0:09:19.960 Like no poker face for me. No, I just see 0:09:20.000 --> 0:09:24.079 that study. I don't know who they were they were 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:27.839 talking to. But here's what I'll say. I would never 0:09:28.360 --> 0:09:31.200 tell a client you will not end up in a 0:09:31.240 --> 0:09:34.320 relationship if you have sex on the first date. It 0:09:34.440 --> 0:09:37.640 can happen, and it does happen all the time. But 0:09:38.120 --> 0:09:40.760 I'm trying to help people move into relationships that are 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:44.280 going to last. And statistically speaking, you're much more likely 0:09:44.360 --> 0:09:49.040 to have the relationship last if you practice slow love 0:09:49.240 --> 0:09:51.800 and if you get to know them over time. Now, 0:09:51.840 --> 0:09:54.520 I'm not really here for this like ninety days, like 0:09:54.559 --> 0:09:59.280 Steve Harvey says, that's a little bit much somewhere in between, 0:09:59.320 --> 0:10:02.920 but I I feel like you have to if you 0:10:02.960 --> 0:10:05.079 want to be in a relationship, like you you could 0:10:05.120 --> 0:10:07.680 just go on an app and have sex and that's fine, 0:10:07.960 --> 0:10:10.520 But if you want it to move into relationship, I 0:10:10.559 --> 0:10:12.679 feel like you have to be at that point where 0:10:12.880 --> 0:10:15.319 there's still a little bit of mystery left, because once 0:10:15.360 --> 0:10:17.719 you have sex, the question of are we going to 0:10:17.800 --> 0:10:19.920 have sex. When are we gonna have sex? What's it 0:10:19.920 --> 0:10:22.720 gonna be? Like, it's already answered, and that just takes 0:10:22.800 --> 0:10:25.560 all of the anticipation. It's crazy that you said that, 0:10:25.600 --> 0:10:28.840 because to me, I do have kind of the thought 0:10:28.880 --> 0:10:31.080 process of, Okay, let me get sex out of the way, 0:10:31.160 --> 0:10:34.640 because now I know if we're continuing after the sex 0:10:34.640 --> 0:10:37.560 has gone, now you are finding other reasons to be 0:10:37.600 --> 0:10:40.960 around outside of just sex, Like we're having conversations. But 0:10:41.000 --> 0:10:44.679 it's not you manipulating your answers based on sex. No, 0:10:44.800 --> 0:10:47.360 why does that? Why does that not make sense? How 0:10:47.400 --> 0:10:51.240 are you getting sex out the way first? Because like 0:10:51.280 --> 0:10:54.160 you're doing it backwards. Okay, So here's what I understand 0:10:54.200 --> 0:10:57.160 what you're saying. You're saying, you're saying, if you've already 0:10:57.160 --> 0:10:58.920 had sex, then it's like, well, what else is there? 0:10:58.920 --> 0:11:00.840 If you're still sticking around, you're just trying to get 0:11:00.840 --> 0:11:03.160 me right. Well, well, and that's the thing, so listen, 0:11:03.920 --> 0:11:07.200 hear me out saying, and for and for the listeners 0:11:07.240 --> 0:11:09.200 who are who are on board with you. To me, 0:11:09.600 --> 0:11:12.600 when you're dating somebody, I feel like that's where maybe 0:11:12.600 --> 0:11:16.000 the manipulation even comes in on the male side of things, 0:11:16.280 --> 0:11:19.000 because they're doing things the right way in order to 0:11:19.040 --> 0:11:22.280 get you into bed. So the dating, the maybe things 0:11:22.280 --> 0:11:24.440 they say as far as what their relationship status is, 0:11:24.480 --> 0:11:26.200 like all of the things that you ask when you're 0:11:26.280 --> 0:11:29.800 dating somebody, they're probably gonna give you more answers that 0:11:29.760 --> 0:11:32.040 that they're gonna want to get you into bed with. 0:11:32.520 --> 0:11:36.080 So if you guys have sex already and the conversation continues, 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:39.040 you can now probably be more of yourself to this 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:41.199 person because now you're no longer just trying to get 0:11:41.320 --> 0:11:44.120 laid or get this person in bed that's already happened. 0:11:44.520 --> 0:11:46.440 Does that not make sense? So? I think, and to 0:11:46.480 --> 0:11:49.000 me because it makes sense, Like there's just so many 0:11:49.000 --> 0:11:51.120 different ways to get into a relationship that that it 0:11:51.320 --> 0:11:53.800 makes sense. But it's like, I just don't find that 0:11:53.840 --> 0:11:57.120 being the healthiest way to get into a relationship. It's 0:11:57.120 --> 0:12:00.480 also weird because I just met someone. Um, shout out 0:12:00.520 --> 0:12:04.440 to you, Joe Budden, because I found possibly, um a 0:12:04.520 --> 0:12:09.719 love interest at your pool party, sir. That was amazing. Um. 0:12:09.840 --> 0:12:12.840 But the guy that I did meet at his fool party, 0:12:12.840 --> 0:12:15.200 we've been talking and that's kind of the thing that 0:12:15.240 --> 0:12:18.600 we both realized, Like when we realize we like someone 0:12:18.760 --> 0:12:22.320 or we may want them for more than sex. We 0:12:22.400 --> 0:12:24.319 tend to wait on sex. And He's like, every time 0:12:24.320 --> 0:12:27.640 I've done that, it still hasn't happened, Like it hasn't 0:12:27.679 --> 0:12:32.480 about that, But don't you love that magic and adding 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:36.520 to know someone and and the anticipation. I just like 0:12:36.679 --> 0:12:39.160 to be taste. See, And you know I don't even 0:12:39.400 --> 0:12:42.480 like heads, so now you're just doing the head a chase. 0:12:42.840 --> 0:12:45.640 Oh I heard taste? No, but I mean I like 0:12:45.800 --> 0:12:49.440 that too. I just said, what the fun that I 0:12:49.480 --> 0:12:53.959 just said. I don't know why I heard taste. I 0:12:54.240 --> 0:12:56.959 really don't know, because that's where your mind is when 0:12:56.960 --> 0:13:01.679 it comes to a relationship up. I will say for 0:13:02.440 --> 0:13:05.800 gay mail clients that I've worked with, they say, for them, 0:13:05.960 --> 0:13:09.000 it's that is so important. The sexual dynamic is so 0:13:09.040 --> 0:13:13.520 important that a lot of them do end up meeting 0:13:13.520 --> 0:13:15.640 on a dating app. They have sex first and then 0:13:15.679 --> 0:13:20.920 the relationship develops. It's I'm kind of talking. Yeah, well, 0:13:21.000 --> 0:13:24.160 Dustin and a Sante shout out to them. They say 0:13:24.160 --> 0:13:26.480 that I'm a black gay male at heart, so that's 0:13:26.559 --> 0:13:32.400 probably yeah, no, that's probably why I am just definitely 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:34.840 like what sex is a large component to me, and 0:13:34.880 --> 0:13:36.520 I genuinely don't feel like I could be in a 0:13:36.640 --> 0:13:39.920 long term relationship with someone if the sex is bad. 0:13:40.240 --> 0:13:43.319 I also don't want to get into a relationship with 0:13:43.400 --> 0:13:45.840 someone who I like, because I talked about this with Fellombay. 0:13:46.080 --> 0:13:50.760 Fellombay was perfect. I loved being around him, his company. Okay, 0:13:50.800 --> 0:13:52.840 financially he wasn't where I needed them to be. But 0:13:53.480 --> 0:13:56.880 outside of that, I knew that I would still probably 0:13:56.920 --> 0:14:01.880 need to get pleased from or find sexual from. Don't 0:14:01.880 --> 0:14:08.559 do this, um, but I just don't want to get 0:14:08.559 --> 0:14:11.800 into a relationship knowing that I'm going to have to 0:14:11.840 --> 0:14:15.560 get something else because you're lacking it from someone else. 0:14:15.920 --> 0:14:17.760 Because then, okay, we just need to talk about not 0:14:17.800 --> 0:14:20.600 being monogamous. And that's also just a hard conversation to 0:14:20.600 --> 0:14:21.960 have about the gate as well. I just see that's 0:14:21.960 --> 0:14:23.200 why I feel like she's not ready to be in 0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:25.960 a relationship, because there's a lot of compromise. But it 0:14:26.000 --> 0:14:28.320 means also you haven't been in a relationship with the 0:14:28.320 --> 0:14:30.360 person that you want to go on that journey with. 0:14:30.480 --> 0:14:33.280 And and when you are in a relationship with someone 0:14:33.320 --> 0:14:35.720 that you you want to continue to get to know better, 0:14:35.760 --> 0:14:37.880 you want to know on a deeper level. The sex 0:14:38.040 --> 0:14:42.120 does evolve as well, like this, I've been with my 0:14:42.200 --> 0:14:49.120 husband but long sixteen years. Yeah, but like the first 0:14:49.160 --> 0:14:56.040 time we had sex, like if I had judged, yeah, 0:14:56.080 --> 0:14:58.080 I feel that. So if the sex is bad, you 0:14:58.160 --> 0:15:01.760 guys have continued to try to keep going. And I 0:15:01.800 --> 0:15:04.479 don't want to say it was bad, but just you know, 0:15:04.800 --> 0:15:08.520 it just happened. And if you're in a relationship with someone, 0:15:08.720 --> 0:15:12.440 you work on your sexual dynamic as well as the 0:15:12.480 --> 0:15:16.240 other elements of the relationship, and that being in that 0:15:16.240 --> 0:15:19.440 that kind of relationship where you have you have mutual trust, 0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:22.720 you can you can talk about anything, you can ask 0:15:22.760 --> 0:15:25.880 for anything, and it's not weird or on more than sex. 0:15:26.040 --> 0:15:29.720 It's a friendship. It's just like it's like it's like 0:15:29.760 --> 0:15:32.240 your Carla, but a man version that you want to fuck. Okay, 0:15:32.240 --> 0:15:34.840 don't bring up Carla because everyone thinks we already because 0:15:35.680 --> 0:15:37.480 I know I was saying, I'm trying to like put 0:15:37.520 --> 0:15:39.360 them together. Like you know how you love talking to 0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:41.280 carl all the time, even though she you're always with her, 0:15:41.560 --> 0:15:43.920 Like imagine that just being like not Carla, but like 0:15:44.240 --> 0:15:48.160 the relationship that you have with her in a man 0:15:48.520 --> 0:15:50.520 It's so hard for me too. That makes sense In 0:15:50.560 --> 0:15:53.400 my I mean, it just makes I think it's hard 0:15:53.400 --> 0:15:57.640 for me because I'm big on, like building platonic relationships 0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:00.240 with men. So when I find someone that I want 0:16:00.280 --> 0:16:03.680 as a friend to me, sex or the idea of 0:16:03.680 --> 0:16:06.760 relationships can ruin that friendship. And we talked about this too. 0:16:06.840 --> 0:16:10.240 I feel like my friendships are above everything, so I 0:16:10.280 --> 0:16:13.680 put my friends before should I put my friends before family? Like, 0:16:14.080 --> 0:16:18.120 my friendships are like everything to me, So I don't 0:16:18.160 --> 0:16:21.640 really like we were having the conversation. If my friends 0:16:21.680 --> 0:16:23.400 want to go on a trip, I don't care if 0:16:23.400 --> 0:16:25.520 I have a boyfriend, Hey, I'm going on a trip. 0:16:25.640 --> 0:16:27.760 I don't want to feel like I have to ask 0:16:27.840 --> 0:16:30.480 permission or tell someone what I'm doing every now and then. 0:16:30.480 --> 0:16:34.000 Like there's just so many things about relations right right, 0:16:34.040 --> 0:16:37.440 And I mean there's also a danger in making your 0:16:37.480 --> 0:16:41.600 partner your everything. A lot of times people say that 0:16:43.000 --> 0:16:47.600 talk about you, but I know I would love to 0:16:47.640 --> 0:16:49.760 hear about this because that's the thing that I feel 0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:52.200 like does happen with a lot of my friends. As 0:16:52.200 --> 0:16:54.480 soon as they do get in a relationship, they cut 0:16:54.520 --> 0:16:59.080 everyone off or they're only talking, they're venting about the 0:16:59.160 --> 0:17:03.240 sour things of relationships. So you literally only hear about 0:17:03.520 --> 0:17:06.080 when they're going through something negative with a relationship. Other 0:17:06.119 --> 0:17:09.239 than that, when you get into a relationship, you're like 0:17:09.280 --> 0:17:13.080 cut you cut off your friends. But also, I refer 0:17:13.160 --> 0:17:15.200 to it as like a Yelp review, which is why 0:17:15.240 --> 0:17:18.960 it's hard to it's hard to like gauge what people 0:17:19.000 --> 0:17:21.120 think of things because they only bring up when they 0:17:21.200 --> 0:17:23.639 really really hate something, like if you really hate the 0:17:23.680 --> 0:17:26.320 service somewhere, you're like, I'm going to leave an awfully 0:17:26.359 --> 0:17:29.000 up review. This was awful. But when things are going well, 0:17:29.080 --> 0:17:30.920 you don't feel the need to really tell people, Hey, 0:17:30.960 --> 0:17:35.040 it's going well. There are plenty of five starry Yelp reviews. Yeah, 0:17:35.359 --> 0:17:37.520 looks really good. You talk about that too. So when 0:17:37.520 --> 0:17:39.560 it's really good, and that's normally the puppy dog phase, 0:17:39.560 --> 0:17:42.040 But what about if it's a three or I find 0:17:42.040 --> 0:17:45.400 myself complaining talking about relationship when I'm irritated. I don't 0:17:45.400 --> 0:17:47.159 talk about it when I'm when I'm happy, because then 0:17:47.160 --> 0:17:48.960 I feel like I'm gloating. And it's like, Oh, I 0:17:48.960 --> 0:17:51.119 have a boyfriend and or fiance, and you know he 0:17:51.160 --> 0:17:53.280 does all the stuff for me, he's so amazing. You're like, okay, 0:17:53.320 --> 0:17:56.879 good bitch. But when you tell them like, oh my gosh, 0:17:56.880 --> 0:17:59.560 he's so fucking annoying, like he just will not let 0:17:59.560 --> 0:18:02.159 me go somewhere. And then it's like, oh, it's interesting, 0:18:02.200 --> 0:18:04.679 Like I cannot believe he won't let you go anywhere, Stacy, 0:18:04.800 --> 0:18:06.520 you need to lead, you know, just but but I 0:18:06.520 --> 0:18:09.280 feel like, but why is that? Yeah, but it's not 0:18:09.320 --> 0:18:11.640 only that, Like you even said that as someone who 0:18:11.640 --> 0:18:15.280 gets into a relationship when your partner, when you're with 0:18:15.320 --> 0:18:18.560 your partner, you become a hermit crab and you decide, Okay, well, 0:18:18.560 --> 0:18:20.280 I don't want to spend time with my friends because 0:18:20.320 --> 0:18:21.800 now I want to spend all of my time with 0:18:21.840 --> 0:18:24.480 my lover or my boyfriend, and that becomes to me. 0:18:25.119 --> 0:18:27.919 To me, that's kind of toxic in a sense. And 0:18:27.960 --> 0:18:30.919 so what what have you seemed to be the reason 0:18:31.000 --> 0:18:34.520 that people kind of distance themselves from friends and family 0:18:34.520 --> 0:18:38.200 when they get into relationships. Okay, that's really two questions. 0:18:38.240 --> 0:18:41.880 So the first question is why do people expect their 0:18:41.920 --> 0:18:45.240 partner to be everything? And I think actually dating apps 0:18:45.240 --> 0:18:48.240 and online dating is a part of that, because now 0:18:48.960 --> 0:18:51.840 our dating pool is as wide as the worlds. It 0:18:51.960 --> 0:18:54.920 used to just be people you knew, people, your mama 0:18:54.960 --> 0:18:58.800 knew like anyone that was in your immediate circle. Now 0:18:58.920 --> 0:19:02.960 you can find your ideal match anywhere, and if they're 0:19:03.000 --> 0:19:06.040 not ideal, then you swipe onto the next. And so 0:19:06.160 --> 0:19:11.359 now our expectation level has gone right, like our life 0:19:11.400 --> 0:19:17.520 is back next. Yeah, and well, and that's how it's 0:19:17.520 --> 0:19:19.960 been for me with dating apps. It does happen, Yeah, 0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:22.360 I absolutely so. We're gonna go ahead and get into 0:19:22.359 --> 0:19:25.320 our kink of the week. Guys. This one is pretty vanilla. 0:19:25.440 --> 0:19:28.280 So for you guys who are not into like swap 0:19:28.320 --> 0:19:31.919 spinning and cream pies, this may be for you. So 0:19:32.200 --> 0:19:34.480 the kink of the week for this weekend I would 0:19:34.480 --> 0:19:36.400 love to see maybe if you can guess just off 0:19:36.440 --> 0:19:38.280 of the Latin roots. This is what we do with 0:19:38.320 --> 0:19:41.160 our live show sometimes. So the kink of the week 0:19:41.320 --> 0:19:46.680 is Melolagnia. What do you think Melolagnia stands for? Oh 0:19:46.720 --> 0:19:55.640 my god, use the Latin root lag That ain't he's 0:19:55.720 --> 0:19:59.960 looking at me. I'm looking at her too. I don't 0:20:00.000 --> 0:20:08.760 even have a guess. Melanagnia. Yes, it's maybe mel like melanin. 0:20:09.119 --> 0:20:12.399 That's so cute. I don't know. Can I give you 0:20:12.440 --> 0:20:16.040 a hint? Okay, ask me for a hint. Melan like 0:20:16.040 --> 0:20:23.479 a melody. Well that's pretty much. She still doesn't melan 0:20:24.240 --> 0:20:27.720 is actually the arousal from music. And I wanted to 0:20:27.720 --> 0:20:30.240 bring this up because I actually have been seeing that 0:20:30.280 --> 0:20:33.159 more and more when I watch porn. I hate porn music, 0:20:33.440 --> 0:20:36.920 but I like music that plays that I've had playing, 0:20:36.960 --> 0:20:39.639 maybe while I've had sex. So I wanted to know 0:20:39.960 --> 0:20:44.639 if there is any music or songs that turn you on. 0:20:46.480 --> 0:20:49.440 I had this boyfriend in college that would always play 0:20:49.720 --> 0:20:54.440 Byork Weird. First, I know it's weird. I was like, 0:20:55.080 --> 0:20:58.800 this is so straight. I know. I think you knew 0:20:58.800 --> 0:21:03.080 because you mean is that like she's um like this 0:21:03.400 --> 0:21:07.560 Ice sing it? I know you know the song because 0:21:07.560 --> 0:21:09.439 you had sex to it. No, it's a lot of 0:21:09.480 --> 0:21:12.560 like kind of electronic sounding like sense you don't know, 0:21:14.280 --> 0:21:16.040 but I would. It would not be what I would 0:21:16.040 --> 0:21:19.360 think because it's there's nothing in it that's sexual, but 0:21:20.200 --> 0:21:23.080 there was something about it. And maybe you like toxicate 0:21:23.119 --> 0:21:25.520 because that was my thing. No, okay, no, but it was. 0:21:26.880 --> 0:21:30.200 I'm turned on by music when I'm drunk. Okay, what 0:21:30.320 --> 0:21:32.560 so like, what songs gets you to where, oh my god, 0:21:32.600 --> 0:21:35.359 I want to have sex to Not honestly, you don't 0:21:35.520 --> 0:21:37.480 you don't like it, but I really love drags on 0:21:37.640 --> 0:21:41.000 like it makes me so hard, like that would make me. 0:21:41.560 --> 0:21:47.280 That does not make that actually drive noting scanning, okay, 0:21:47.320 --> 0:21:49.199 that it's like very sexual. They'd be talking about how 0:21:49.200 --> 0:21:52.480 they're gonna eat you or pussy and fuck you and like, yeah, 0:21:52.600 --> 0:21:55.520 there it's really sexual, like oh, I want your fucking 0:21:55.560 --> 0:21:59.399 titties in my mouth. But this isn't like aish like 0:21:59.480 --> 0:22:02.959