Speaker 1: Hey or hive. This week's episode is brought to you
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Speaker 1: Adam and Eve. This week's episode is also brought to
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Speaker 1: you there. Now, let's get on with the show. Hey guys,
Speaker 1: how are you? Yes, it's the raste one and only
Speaker 1: Mandy V. Hey guys, it's Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday,
Speaker 1: whatever day you're listening to us. It is Horrible Decisions
Speaker 1: And I am recording live out here in Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: I am joined by a guest co host today because
Speaker 1: Wheezy is still in New York and probably actually in
Speaker 1: Europe right now. But I am joined by my good
Speaker 1: friend Stacy. Hi. You really just so nervous because you're
Speaker 1: just staring straight now crazy. You totally just you just
Speaker 1: introduced yourself like Wheezy. I'm like, Yo, just Mendy b
Speaker 1: A k A. Hi, I'm Stacy, Okay, I'm the realist
Speaker 1: bitch ever a k A Stacy a kor just Stacy
Speaker 1: Ak the only one she has money signed, boss Witch.
Speaker 1: And it's not just us in the studio today, we
Speaker 1: are also joined by a lovely lady that you guys
Speaker 1: may or may not have seen, but you're gonna learn
Speaker 1: her today. She's been on TV and I'm gonna allow
Speaker 1: her just both about all of her accolades that she's
Speaker 1: been through. Go ahead and introduce yourself. Well, Hello, I'm
Speaker 1: Demona Hoffman and I am certified dating coach and you
Speaker 1: may have seen me on the TV show's hashtag black
Speaker 1: Love on f Y I or a Question of Love,
Speaker 1: Black Lives. Yeah, and I write for b ET and
Speaker 1: Washington Post and all kinds of magazines. But let's say
Speaker 1: that now I'm loving I'm loving it, Oprah Magazine Daily
Speaker 1: That there's what I do. This is what I do.
Speaker 1: You're an expert dating coach. That is your typle on
Speaker 1: how to date and um also how to stay in
Speaker 1: relationships if they want. Gosh, Mandy needs you and her
Speaker 1: I'm so excited. I'm not even a lie. When you
Speaker 1: were coming, I was literally like, so you emailed us
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, yeah, we need this because
Speaker 1: I apparently need an intervention when it comes to dating,
Speaker 1: and so I'm super excited to be having, um, the
Speaker 1: conversation we're gonna have. Of course, we are going to
Speaker 1: talk about dating. We're gonna dig into the mistakes of
Speaker 1: online dating and also eating. As a millennial, UM, A
Speaker 1: lot of us, what what is millennial? What is that
Speaker 1: eighty seven to ninety six or something like that? Millennial?
Speaker 1: I know me too, but I was born in nineteen ninety,
Speaker 1: but I feel like I think it's like eighty five.
Speaker 1: No no, no, no, no, no, hold on, because I
Speaker 1: researched this because my man's ten years older and he
Speaker 1: wouldn't and I was he always talked about because I'm
Speaker 1: ten years younger. And it says millennial was like seventy
Speaker 1: I don't know. Google it. It's I think it's like
Speaker 1: seventy nine. Basically, we don't know what the millennials just
Speaker 1: a state of mind. Okay, I would say between between
Speaker 1: mid twenties two late thirties would be I would agree
Speaker 1: with you, yeah, which would be about the millennials. Okay,
Speaker 1: do you want the real answer? Yes? Go ahead, Okay,
Speaker 1: early nineteen eighties, UM to mid nineteen nineties, early two
Speaker 1: thousand's Okay, yeah, that's about as early as nineteen eighty
Speaker 1: one to nineteen nineties sixty. There we go eighty one
Speaker 1: to ninety six. So this really um, this I guess
Speaker 1: conversation is kind of going to apply to so many
Speaker 1: of you guys. I guess before we get started to
Speaker 1: instead of doing an icebreaker, because it's gonna be pretty
Speaker 1: pretty PG thirteen ish. Apparently she has an eleven year
Speaker 1: old daughter, and I don't know how to be even
Speaker 1: PG so do not let Mandy watch like sexual filter
Speaker 1: at all. But I didn't know, like what you can.
Speaker 1: I cannot stay around a kid because I feel like
Speaker 1: these conversations need to be had. So me and her
Speaker 1: daughter were watching the vim as and this is not
Speaker 1: what I'm talking about. I know, well I'm gonna what
Speaker 1: I'm gonna bring it up. So we're talking and I
Speaker 1: see the girl like kind of Caballo or whatever her
Speaker 1: name is, and so we're talking about Fifth Harmony. I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, yeah, one of them date ty Dolla
Speaker 1: Sign and I was really heartbroken because I'm followed him
Speaker 1: because he posted so much of him and this girl,
Speaker 1: and so she tells me she updates. She's like, I
Speaker 1: think they broke up. I'm fill the bathroom like with
Speaker 1: the door close, listening, not saying anything. So she's not
Speaker 1: saying I'm literally talking to her eleven year old daughter
Speaker 1: like oh my god. So we're looking on Google about
Speaker 1: why they broke up. We're looking up his instagram, her
Speaker 1: instagram like, oh my god, all the pictures have been deleted.
Speaker 1: And I was like, dang, he's saying now he's fine.
Speaker 1: I'm about to slide at his DM and we literally
Speaker 1: were just talking within Yeah, she also just entered middle school,
Speaker 1: and I was like, yeah, that was probably here we go.
Speaker 1: So I just just like my daughter, she is eleven.
Speaker 1: She's very mature. A lot of my friends forget that
Speaker 1: she's eleven, and my daughter will look at you and
Speaker 1: listen to you. It's like whatever you tell her, like really,
Speaker 1: like she didn't she's older. Anyways, She's talking about how
Speaker 1: she just got into middle school and um Mandy, she's
Speaker 1: just like walking around like, oh, I remember middle school.
Speaker 1: I was getting my titty sucked on in eighth grade.
Speaker 1: You did not, man, Oh my god. I cross. I
Speaker 1: was just like in middle school, that's when you do
Speaker 1: start like experience, like that's where I had my first
Speaker 1: tone kiss my friends were getting finger pops. I had
Speaker 1: my nipples. Say that to a fucking eleven arld that
Speaker 1: just entered sixth grade. You want her to be you
Speaker 1: want her to be open with you when that happens
Speaker 1: very forward. I wasn't ready for her to say were
Speaker 1: sucked on? Yeah. I talked to my nine year old
Speaker 1: and like, not, I don't go that far with it. No,
Speaker 1: that's a little bit much. My daughter just stared at me,
Speaker 1: like because the last time she came, she says some
Speaker 1: crazy fucking wild ship. I said. She was on face
Speaker 1: time with somebody I don't know, you know, one of
Speaker 1: her lovers, not lovers, And she was just saying, actually,
Speaker 1: do you remember that? And then Adriana and my daughter
Speaker 1: named ag it was yes, it was him, it was
Speaker 1: him last night. Um well he was drunk and wanting
Speaker 1: me like this, just like I just my daughter just
Speaker 1: doesn't stay at the house. So she doesn't like Mandy
Speaker 1: because she can't stay home because she likes talking to Maddy,
Speaker 1: but I just can't filter her. Oh yeah, like me
Speaker 1: and Hart will be talking and I'll be like I'll
Speaker 1: be like, Adriana, cover your ears, and she's covering them.
Speaker 1: But it's like, girl, I know you hear us. That's
Speaker 1: cute that you're covering your ears. So that's real cute. Okay,
Speaker 1: so we're gonna get into our vanilla ship. Vanilla ship,
Speaker 1: if you guys are listening for the very first time,
Speaker 1: is our sex in the news segment. So this one
Speaker 1: I picked especially for you as a dating coach because
Speaker 1: I would love to know what your thoughts are on this.
Speaker 1: So this comes from Mirror Online. It says that sex
Speaker 1: on the first date is important if you want a
Speaker 1: serious relationship. Yes, so a listening counters dot Com, the
Speaker 1: UK's leading dating site for married people, has shared its
Speaker 1: staggering research into sex on the first date. If you
Speaker 1: want a serious relationship, sex on the first date is crucial.
Speaker 1: According to new research, more than a third of men
Speaker 1: found love after sleeping with their partner on the first date.
Speaker 1: It has led um to a proper relationship for thirty
Speaker 1: six percent of women a percent of men, but women
Speaker 1: are slightly more weary than men of partners who wants
Speaker 1: to jump into bed straight away. Um, I guess I
Speaker 1: wanted to know what your thoughts were on if dating
Speaker 1: on the first night is a tell tell fine, that
Speaker 1: you could or could not be in a serious relationship
Speaker 1: with that person. I wish we can like record your
Speaker 1: face expression. I'm not good at yeah, I'm not good
Speaker 1: Like no poker face for me. No, I just see
Speaker 1: that study. I don't know who they were they were
Speaker 1: talking to. But here's what I'll say. I would never
Speaker 1: tell a client you will not end up in a
Speaker 1: relationship if you have sex on the first date. It
Speaker 1: can happen, and it does happen all the time. But
Speaker 1: I'm trying to help people move into relationships that are
Speaker 1: going to last. And statistically speaking, you're much more likely
Speaker 1: to have the relationship last if you practice slow love
Speaker 1: and if you get to know them over time. Now,
Speaker 1: I'm not really here for this like ninety days, like
Speaker 1: Steve Harvey says, that's a little bit much somewhere in between,
Speaker 1: but I I feel like you have to if you
Speaker 1: want to be in a relationship, like you you could
Speaker 1: just go on an app and have sex and that's fine,
Speaker 1: But if you want it to move into relationship, I
Speaker 1: feel like you have to be at that point where
Speaker 1: there's still a little bit of mystery left, because once
Speaker 1: you have sex, the question of are we going to
Speaker 1: have sex. When are we gonna have sex? What's it
Speaker 1: gonna be? Like, it's already answered, and that just takes
Speaker 1: all of the anticipation. It's crazy that you said that,
Speaker 1: because to me, I do have kind of the thought
Speaker 1: process of, Okay, let me get sex out of the way,
Speaker 1: because now I know if we're continuing after the sex
Speaker 1: has gone, now you are finding other reasons to be
Speaker 1: around outside of just sex, Like we're having conversations. But
Speaker 1: it's not you manipulating your answers based on sex. No,
Speaker 1: why does that? Why does that not make sense? How
Speaker 1: are you getting sex out the way first? Because like
Speaker 1: you're doing it backwards. Okay, So here's what I understand
Speaker 1: what you're saying. You're saying, you're saying, if you've already
Speaker 1: had sex, then it's like, well, what else is there?
Speaker 1: If you're still sticking around, you're just trying to get
Speaker 1: me right. Well, well, and that's the thing, so listen,
Speaker 1: hear me out saying, and for and for the listeners
Speaker 1: who are who are on board with you. To me,
Speaker 1: when you're dating somebody, I feel like that's where maybe
Speaker 1: the manipulation even comes in on the male side of things,
Speaker 1: because they're doing things the right way in order to
Speaker 1: get you into bed. So the dating, the maybe things
Speaker 1: they say as far as what their relationship status is,
Speaker 1: like all of the things that you ask when you're
Speaker 1: dating somebody, they're probably gonna give you more answers that
Speaker 1: that they're gonna want to get you into bed with.
Speaker 1: So if you guys have sex already and the conversation continues,
Speaker 1: you can now probably be more of yourself to this
Speaker 1: person because now you're no longer just trying to get
Speaker 1: laid or get this person in bed that's already happened.
Speaker 1: Does that not make sense? So? I think, and to
Speaker 1: me because it makes sense, Like there's just so many
Speaker 1: different ways to get into a relationship that that it
Speaker 1: makes sense. But it's like, I just don't find that
Speaker 1: being the healthiest way to get into a relationship. It's
Speaker 1: also weird because I just met someone. Um, shout out
Speaker 1: to you, Joe Budden, because I found possibly, um a
Speaker 1: love interest at your pool party, sir. That was amazing. Um.
Speaker 1: But the guy that I did meet at his fool party,
Speaker 1: we've been talking and that's kind of the thing that
Speaker 1: we both realized, Like when we realize we like someone
Speaker 1: or we may want them for more than sex. We
Speaker 1: tend to wait on sex. And He's like, every time
Speaker 1: I've done that, it still hasn't happened, Like it hasn't
Speaker 1: about that, But don't you love that magic and adding
Speaker 1: to know someone and and the anticipation. I just like
Speaker 1: to be taste. See, And you know I don't even
Speaker 1: like heads, so now you're just doing the head a chase.
Speaker 1: Oh I heard taste? No, but I mean I like
Speaker 1: that too. I just said, what the fun that I
Speaker 1: just said. I don't know why I heard taste. I
Speaker 1: really don't know, because that's where your mind is when
Speaker 1: it comes to a relationship up. I will say for
Speaker 1: gay mail clients that I've worked with, they say, for them,
Speaker 1: it's that is so important. The sexual dynamic is so
Speaker 1: important that a lot of them do end up meeting
Speaker 1: on a dating app. They have sex first and then
Speaker 1: the relationship develops. It's I'm kind of talking. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: Dustin and a Sante shout out to them. They say
Speaker 1: that I'm a black gay male at heart, so that's
Speaker 1: probably yeah, no, that's probably why I am just definitely
Speaker 1: like what sex is a large component to me, and
Speaker 1: I genuinely don't feel like I could be in a
Speaker 1: long term relationship with someone if the sex is bad.
Speaker 1: I also don't want to get into a relationship with
Speaker 1: someone who I like, because I talked about this with Fellombay.
Speaker 1: Fellombay was perfect. I loved being around him, his company. Okay,
Speaker 1: financially he wasn't where I needed them to be. But
Speaker 1: outside of that, I knew that I would still probably
Speaker 1: need to get pleased from or find sexual from. Don't
Speaker 1: do this, um, but I just don't want to get
Speaker 1: into a relationship knowing that I'm going to have to
Speaker 1: get something else because you're lacking it from someone else.
Speaker 1: Because then, okay, we just need to talk about not
Speaker 1: being monogamous. And that's also just a hard conversation to
Speaker 1: have about the gate as well. I just see that's
Speaker 1: why I feel like she's not ready to be in
Speaker 1: a relationship, because there's a lot of compromise. But it
Speaker 1: means also you haven't been in a relationship with the
Speaker 1: person that you want to go on that journey with.
Speaker 1: And and when you are in a relationship with someone
Speaker 1: that you you want to continue to get to know better,
Speaker 1: you want to know on a deeper level. The sex
Speaker 1: does evolve as well, like this, I've been with my
Speaker 1: husband but long sixteen years. Yeah, but like the first
Speaker 1: time we had sex, like if I had judged, yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel that. So if the sex is bad, you
Speaker 1: guys have continued to try to keep going. And I
Speaker 1: don't want to say it was bad, but just you know,
Speaker 1: it just happened. And if you're in a relationship with someone,
Speaker 1: you work on your sexual dynamic as well as the
Speaker 1: other elements of the relationship, and that being in that
Speaker 1: that kind of relationship where you have you have mutual trust,
Speaker 1: you can you can talk about anything, you can ask
Speaker 1: for anything, and it's not weird or on more than sex.
Speaker 1: It's a friendship. It's just like it's like it's like
Speaker 1: your Carla, but a man version that you want to fuck. Okay,
Speaker 1: don't bring up Carla because everyone thinks we already because
Speaker 1: I know I was saying, I'm trying to like put
Speaker 1: them together. Like you know how you love talking to
Speaker 1: carl all the time, even though she you're always with her,
Speaker 1: Like imagine that just being like not Carla, but like
Speaker 1: the relationship that you have with her in a man
Speaker 1: It's so hard for me too. That makes sense In
Speaker 1: my I mean, it just makes I think it's hard
Speaker 1: for me because I'm big on, like building platonic relationships
Speaker 1: with men. So when I find someone that I want
Speaker 1: as a friend to me, sex or the idea of
Speaker 1: relationships can ruin that friendship. And we talked about this too.
Speaker 1: I feel like my friendships are above everything, so I
Speaker 1: put my friends before should I put my friends before family? Like,
Speaker 1: my friendships are like everything to me, So I don't
Speaker 1: really like we were having the conversation. If my friends
Speaker 1: want to go on a trip, I don't care if
Speaker 1: I have a boyfriend, Hey, I'm going on a trip.
Speaker 1: I don't want to feel like I have to ask
Speaker 1: permission or tell someone what I'm doing every now and then.
Speaker 1: Like there's just so many things about relations right right,
Speaker 1: And I mean there's also a danger in making your
Speaker 1: partner your everything. A lot of times people say that
Speaker 1: talk about you, but I know I would love to
Speaker 1: hear about this because that's the thing that I feel
Speaker 1: like does happen with a lot of my friends. As
Speaker 1: soon as they do get in a relationship, they cut
Speaker 1: everyone off or they're only talking, they're venting about the
Speaker 1: sour things of relationships. So you literally only hear about
Speaker 1: when they're going through something negative with a relationship. Other
Speaker 1: than that, when you get into a relationship, you're like
Speaker 1: cut you cut off your friends. But also, I refer
Speaker 1: to it as like a Yelp review, which is why
Speaker 1: it's hard to it's hard to like gauge what people
Speaker 1: think of things because they only bring up when they
Speaker 1: really really hate something, like if you really hate the
Speaker 1: service somewhere, you're like, I'm going to leave an awfully
Speaker 1: up review. This was awful. But when things are going well,
Speaker 1: you don't feel the need to really tell people, Hey,
Speaker 1: it's going well. There are plenty of five starry Yelp reviews. Yeah,
Speaker 1: looks really good. You talk about that too. So when
Speaker 1: it's really good, and that's normally the puppy dog phase,
Speaker 1: But what about if it's a three or I find
Speaker 1: myself complaining talking about relationship when I'm irritated. I don't
Speaker 1: talk about it when I'm when I'm happy, because then
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm gloating. And it's like, Oh, I
Speaker 1: have a boyfriend and or fiance, and you know he
Speaker 1: does all the stuff for me, he's so amazing. You're like, okay,
Speaker 1: good bitch. But when you tell them like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: he's so fucking annoying, like he just will not let
Speaker 1: me go somewhere. And then it's like, oh, it's interesting,
Speaker 1: Like I cannot believe he won't let you go anywhere, Stacy,
Speaker 1: you need to lead, you know, just but but I
Speaker 1: feel like, but why is that? Yeah, but it's not
Speaker 1: only that, Like you even said that as someone who
Speaker 1: gets into a relationship when your partner, when you're with
Speaker 1: your partner, you become a hermit crab and you decide, Okay, well,
Speaker 1: I don't want to spend time with my friends because
Speaker 1: now I want to spend all of my time with
Speaker 1: my lover or my boyfriend, and that becomes to me.
Speaker 1: To me, that's kind of toxic in a sense. And
Speaker 1: so what what have you seemed to be the reason
Speaker 1: that people kind of distance themselves from friends and family
Speaker 1: when they get into relationships. Okay, that's really two questions.
Speaker 1: So the first question is why do people expect their
Speaker 1: partner to be everything? And I think actually dating apps
Speaker 1: and online dating is a part of that, because now
Speaker 1: our dating pool is as wide as the worlds. It
Speaker 1: used to just be people you knew, people, your mama
Speaker 1: knew like anyone that was in your immediate circle. Now
Speaker 1: you can find your ideal match anywhere, and if they're
Speaker 1: not ideal, then you swipe onto the next. And so
Speaker 1: now our expectation level has gone right, like our life
Speaker 1: is back next. Yeah, and well, and that's how it's
Speaker 1: been for me with dating apps. It does happen, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I absolutely so. We're gonna go ahead and get into
Speaker 1: our kink of the week. Guys. This one is pretty vanilla.
Speaker 1: So for you guys who are not into like swap
Speaker 1: spinning and cream pies, this may be for you. So
Speaker 1: the kink of the week for this weekend I would
Speaker 1: love to see maybe if you can guess just off
Speaker 1: of the Latin roots. This is what we do with
Speaker 1: our live show sometimes. So the kink of the week
Speaker 1: is Melolagnia. What do you think Melolagnia stands for? Oh
Speaker 1: my god, use the Latin root lag That ain't he's
Speaker 1: looking at me. I'm looking at her too. I don't
Speaker 1: even have a guess. Melanagnia. Yes, it's maybe mel like melanin.
Speaker 1: That's so cute. I don't know. Can I give you
Speaker 1: a hint? Okay, ask me for a hint. Melan like
Speaker 1: a melody. Well that's pretty much. She still doesn't melan
Speaker 1: is actually the arousal from music. And I wanted to
Speaker 1: bring this up because I actually have been seeing that
Speaker 1: more and more when I watch porn. I hate porn music,
Speaker 1: but I like music that plays that I've had playing,
Speaker 1: maybe while I've had sex. So I wanted to know
Speaker 1: if there is any music or songs that turn you on.
Speaker 1: I had this boyfriend in college that would always play
Speaker 1: Byork Weird. First, I know it's weird. I was like,
Speaker 1: this is so straight. I know. I think you knew
Speaker 1: because you mean is that like she's um like this
Speaker 1: Ice sing it? I know you know the song because
Speaker 1: you had sex to it. No, it's a lot of
Speaker 1: like kind of electronic sounding like sense you don't know,
Speaker 1: but I would. It would not be what I would
Speaker 1: think because it's there's nothing in it that's sexual, but
Speaker 1: there was something about it. And maybe you like toxicate
Speaker 1: because that was my thing. No, okay, no, but it was.
Speaker 1: I'm turned on by music when I'm drunk. Okay, what
Speaker 1: so like, what songs gets you to where, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I want to have sex to Not honestly, you don't
Speaker 1: you don't like it, but I really love drags on
Speaker 1: like it makes me so hard, like that would make me.
Speaker 1: That does not make that actually drive noting scanning, okay,
Speaker 1: that it's like very sexual. They'd be talking about how
Speaker 1: they're gonna eat you or pussy and fuck you and like, yeah,
Speaker 1: there it's really sexual, like oh, I want your fucking
Speaker 1: titties in my mouth. But this isn't like aish like
Speaker 1: a tan. It's Spanish language. When so singing, how does
Speaker 1: it go? Say something really raunchy in Spanish that turns
Speaker 1: you on, but it's in Spanish. Let me see if
Speaker 1: it sounds sexy. No, no, no, that's what it sounds like.
Speaker 1: That's the be for you to sing too. No, I don't.
Speaker 1: I can't pressure thing. Okay, name that tune. O, come on,
Speaker 1: I'm nervous sela um to me. It's I'm cool with
Speaker 1: fucking that. Actually it's weird like hip hop can be
Speaker 1: on Like there's of course, you all know, I watch
Speaker 1: porn and there's like a few scenes like the amateur
Speaker 1: ones gay porn and the Korean porn that's cool pop
Speaker 1: and so the amateur porn they actually have a lot
Speaker 1: of the music playing in the background, so like hip hop,
Speaker 1: like all your like young thug or like one of
Speaker 1: them actually plays who is it? Um damn? I think
Speaker 1: it opens with bow wow. Oh it's the first thing
Speaker 1: I think about you when it's all in my mind.
Speaker 1: I said that. It just was like, oh, let's go
Speaker 1: and seen. Um No, but I think I really do
Speaker 1: like R and B. I really like R and B,
Speaker 1: and I actually like Donald Jones, or like I like
Speaker 1: honest Chris Old, Chris Brown? What is that song? That
Speaker 1: sex me song? What is it by Chris Brown? Oh? Well,
Speaker 1: apparently I said it really wrong. I said, lay you
Speaker 1: down on my thing, and it's take you down, So
Speaker 1: I really let me take you down? That actually gets me.
Speaker 1: It makes my pussy. Look my my pussy is wet
Speaker 1: right now as we're talking. U. No, but I do.
Speaker 1: I do so for you guys who like listening to music,
Speaker 1: maybe while you have sex, or if a song comes
Speaker 1: on and you're like, oh my god, now I need
Speaker 1: to hop on dick. Um, how about you write us
Speaker 1: and I would love to maybe start some sort of
Speaker 1: um sex playlists for us right check out. Maybe we'll
Speaker 1: add J O, R K B J. There you go.
Speaker 1: It was in it. So we're gonna now get into
Speaker 1: our horrible decisions. So guys, take out your pens, your pencils,
Speaker 1: type on your work computers because I know y'all are
Speaker 1: at your desks, but apparently not all of you are.
Speaker 1: So get your notes out on your phone and oh okay,
Speaker 1: that's little dots and stuff. Um, so get ready to
Speaker 1: take notes. We are going to talk about the mistakes
Speaker 1: of not only online dating, but getting through the era
Speaker 1: of online dating as a millennial and maybe the mistakes
Speaker 1: that we're making and how we can go about doing
Speaker 1: this ship successfully because is there a way that there
Speaker 1: is to be successful? Many of my clients have done it.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you how I love this. So let's
Speaker 1: start it off. Like, um, Demonel literally hit me and
Speaker 1: was like, let's talk about sucking mistakes and dumb online
Speaker 1: dating and and it was all capitals she said, online dating. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: she literally and it was a capital. It makes a
Speaker 1: lot of sense for the millennials because I have a
Speaker 1: lot of friends not pointing anything, but I have other
Speaker 1: friends too that they don't know how to date or
Speaker 1: date on't They just don't know how to date? So
Speaker 1: what what is? What? Is dumb online dating. You definitely
Speaker 1: wrote that, what do you consider online dating? Well, there's
Speaker 1: a lot of online dating dating app mistakes that people make.
Speaker 1: I think overall, people first want to blame the app.
Speaker 1: They're like, oh, dating apps don't work, and it's likely
Speaker 1: been on all the dating apps and none of them work.
Speaker 1: Maybe the problem is in the dating app personnel problems.
Speaker 1: But it's not necessarily that you're the problem. It's the
Speaker 1: way that you're putting yourself out there that's the problem. Right,
Speaker 1: just read me because I literally just deleted all of
Speaker 1: my god damn dating appen because it's not working. And
Speaker 1: I was like, this is not working. But now I
Speaker 1: feel like you're reading me because maybe I'm not working damn. Okay. Well,
Speaker 1: it's also like figuring out what do you want out
Speaker 1: of it? If you do you want is it? Are
Speaker 1: you doing it for sex? Are you doing it for
Speaker 1: a relationship? What is your goal? And then we work
Speaker 1: backwards to figure out, well, what how are you presenting yourself?
Speaker 1: What pictures are you choosing, what you what is your
Speaker 1: profile saying about you? And then how are you moving
Speaker 1: yourself in the direction of what you really want? Okay,
Speaker 1: so what are I guess the common mistakes that we
Speaker 1: do um to lead to someone like me who has
Speaker 1: been very unsuccessful with online dating. A lot of times
Speaker 1: people choose pictures that they think someone else will think
Speaker 1: is attractive. They'll just choose a generic photo that is
Speaker 1: like everybody will like this, and there You're better off
Speaker 1: having a profile that fewer people respond to, but that
Speaker 1: the right people respond to then trying to catch everybody
Speaker 1: in your inbox. Right, So, cleavage photos are bad for
Speaker 1: I guess for girls and guys, what would be the
Speaker 1: number one mistake when choosing your photos? I would say
Speaker 1: cleavage photos are bad if you're looking to be in
Speaker 1: a relationship because immediately you know the code is going
Speaker 1: to send a different message. You have to leave a
Speaker 1: little bit of mystery. But I actually use little tricks.
Speaker 1: I use tricks, tricks on the mind that can get
Speaker 1: your profile noticed. So you you have to think about
Speaker 1: the mentality from the other side of the coin, like
Speaker 1: who's looking at the profile? Right? So put yourself in
Speaker 1: their shoes? And you know how you swipe on an
Speaker 1: app right, it's just like picture, Picture, Picture picture. Hopefully
Speaker 1: like some some right swipes, but a lot of left swipes.
Speaker 1: And you're just going based on the primary picture and
Speaker 1: basically the one sentence bio, right, So that primary picture
Speaker 1: is everything. And so many times people create a profile
Speaker 1: and they're just like, well, I just want to get online,
Speaker 1: and I don't. I'm not really gonna put that much
Speaker 1: a loot into it. And here's some pictures on Instagram
Speaker 1: and then they're on. So you have to really put
Speaker 1: thought into what you're saying with that first picture. And
Speaker 1: I talked about using the three c's in your profile,
Speaker 1: three sees in your breaking be easy and it's gonna
Speaker 1: I'm gonna keep it clean. It's easy to remember. First
Speaker 1: C is color. Okay, it's been shown in studies and
Speaker 1: real studies, not like the ones earlier. Uh that particularly,
Speaker 1: men will respond to the color red differently than any
Speaker 1: other color. Yeah, so if they see like they What
Speaker 1: they did in the study was they showed men pictures
Speaker 1: of women with different color borders around it, and they
Speaker 1: started rotating the same pictures back in with different color borders,
Speaker 1: and the men raid were rating the attractiveness of the
Speaker 1: pictures of the women that they saw, and they rated
Speaker 1: the women with the red border more attractive than the
Speaker 1: women with the green border even though the same picture.
Speaker 1: And so if you think about it from a biological perspective,
Speaker 1: red is is something that attracts, like we we put
Speaker 1: red lipstick on because it doesn't right, it emulates what
Speaker 1: happens you know in the in the animal kingdom, Like
Speaker 1: we're animals, so you want to use the color red.
Speaker 1: Also think of like stop signs, you want them to
Speaker 1: stop and actually go for that very Now we're gonna
Speaker 1: see like ten thousand profiles. What is the second So
Speaker 1: the second sea is context. This is telling your life
Speaker 1: story through your photos. Like if you just have a
Speaker 1: bunch of bikini shots where you're like high angle, if
Speaker 1: the beach, if that's telling you, I like to go
Speaker 1: to the beach. If it's telling you I like the beach,
Speaker 1: that's great. But it can't be every shot bikini that
Speaker 1: would be that would be the picture to your bikini. Right.
Speaker 1: But you want to have throughout your profile, you know
Speaker 1: about five six photos max, Like you don't need to
Speaker 1: tell your entire life story. This is not your timeline
Speaker 1: that this is your dating profile. And I'm not a
Speaker 1: huge fan. While we're on the subject of linking your Instagram,
Speaker 1: I agree, I don't do it. I'm not. I'm not.
Speaker 1: It's too much information. That's a ton of information. And
Speaker 1: then especially for me, like I like to appear as
Speaker 1: normal as possible while I'm on dating apps, and of
Speaker 1: course the k behind my name on Instagram and the
Speaker 1: abundance of photos I do have and some a lot
Speaker 1: of Nikini's now. Um, but I feel like it would
Speaker 1: give them a different idea about me to look Yeah,
Speaker 1: calm down. I don't know. So I'm thinking that's probably
Speaker 1: the sand in the beach. I wanter, you know, probably
Speaker 1: I don't connect my Instagram. Um, I don't know what
Speaker 1: the thirds is. But while we're on context of photos,
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask your thoughts between selfies and full
Speaker 1: body images what you feel like, because I feel like
Speaker 1: that's my problem because I so I swipe girls as well,
Speaker 1: but I am shallow. I'm just as shallow with women
Speaker 1: as I am with men. And I don't know if
Speaker 1: I want to necessarily swipe someone who is only from
Speaker 1: the neck up, because then I feel like, Okay, you're
Speaker 1: hiding something. So are my profile? Are multiple pictures? I
Speaker 1: can't you just have? Yeah, But a lot of people
Speaker 1: still like the don't anything. They don't. They're they should
Speaker 1: probably have three types of pictures they put right maybe okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: well dating coaching certific Yeah, so dating. So I guess
Speaker 1: the types of photos before we get into the third.
Speaker 1: See how many should be selfies? How many should be
Speaker 1: full body? Especially the woman only you only need one
Speaker 1: full body, but you o, you do need one full body,
Speaker 1: and by full body you don't. It doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be like literally head to toe, it has to be
Speaker 1: three quarters like that. You want to see the whole
Speaker 1: gud damned body. I ain't swiping from three couters either,
Speaker 1: let me see that, let me see if you got
Speaker 1: some that or something like, I would like to see
Speaker 1: the full body. But I say that because I remember
Speaker 1: I was more self conscious when I was bigger, um
Speaker 1: at putting full body, saying I would just put self
Speaker 1: like I just started just taking faith selfies. Actually yeah,
Speaker 1: And so maybe for someone who's not into bigger women
Speaker 1: like my face can photograph very thin sometimes and so
Speaker 1: especially oh girl, that was that's my whole thing. So
Speaker 1: that's where I go to where maybe you even feel
Speaker 1: like you you're getting catfished when you meet someone it's
Speaker 1: like WHOA she looks nothing like her pictures. But then
Speaker 1: you go back and you realize, oh, well she didn't
Speaker 1: even have full body pictures. Well, a little bit on that.
Speaker 1: We have expectations that we bring into the date when
Speaker 1: we meet someone offline, which is one of the reasons
Speaker 1: just sidebar will come back to the third seed. But
Speaker 1: another mistake is having conversations that go on and on
Speaker 1: online and then waiting months or or sometimes even years
Speaker 1: to actually move online Like that's why catfish is a thing,
Speaker 1: because people are having these fantasy relationships that are actually
Speaker 1: happening in the real world. And online dating dating apps
Speaker 1: work as it's just a tool. It's just a tool
Speaker 1: to connect you if you but you have to actually
Speaker 1: meet face to face to know if it's a real relation.
Speaker 1: So for all of our listeners, um, both men and
Speaker 1: women who are swiping and in the messages currently doing
Speaker 1: online dating, how long what is the time frame do
Speaker 1: you feel for someone to be in the app talking
Speaker 1: possibly now they're moved to text messages. How long do
Speaker 1: you think you should talk to someone that you met
Speaker 1: online dating before you actually meet in person? And one
Speaker 1: to seven days max? Seven days? Why is the max
Speaker 1: seven days? Oh, there's so many reasons. But one, you
Speaker 1: create anticipation for this person, and they can never be
Speaker 1: the person that you created in your mind. So they're
Speaker 1: going through all your face shots and they're like, Oh,
Speaker 1: I wonder what her body is gonna look like, and
Speaker 1: I wonder what her personality is gonna be, Like I
Speaker 1: wonder what she's gonna sound like. And you create this
Speaker 1: whole fantasy and that person is then competing against the
Speaker 1: image of who you created. So that's one reason. Another
Speaker 1: reason is that there's just so much volume right now. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was gonna say that if you take too long
Speaker 1: to meet me, weaving the good and bad. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: even if you take too long for I'll forget about
Speaker 1: you because because we haven't met, I'm still going to
Speaker 1: probably be actively swiping. And so now we're at the
Speaker 1: seven day mark, and you may have been the only
Speaker 1: person I swiped seven days ago, but now since then,
Speaker 1: I've met three other people that I've swiped chained dating
Speaker 1: or something I have. Like I used to have a
Speaker 1: lot of clients, especially older clients, that would date online
Speaker 1: all the time. But they literally they would set up
Speaker 1: dates like all week long, every and just like go
Speaker 1: for ten minutes and one of them would ten minutes.
Speaker 1: No one of them was a bit She was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go meet you for ten minutes. If I
Speaker 1: don't like you after ten minutes, and we're just gonna
Speaker 1: have the part ways. But she was like, so I
Speaker 1: I will take a part of that. I tell my
Speaker 1: clients basically me an hour for the first date, an
Speaker 1: hour and always coming from somewhere Starbucks or t dates,
Speaker 1: just and then from there be like, okay, we can
Speaker 1: go to lunch. Maybe you have but ten minutes is
Speaker 1: a little bit much, but yeah, I say, like have
Speaker 1: a drink, have coffee, go for ice cream, whatever, But
Speaker 1: you don't really need more than ninety minutes max. To
Speaker 1: just see is this somebody that I want to see
Speaker 1: again and see if you convibe with them. I like
Speaker 1: to think of it also again from their perspective, you
Speaker 1: want that to leave them wanting more. If you talked
Speaker 1: about everything, and then the energy that you left the
Speaker 1: date on felt low, like it was like, oh well
Speaker 1: it was really good and I was really attracted them
Speaker 1: at first, but then we stayed for three hours and
Speaker 1: we ran out of things to talk about. That's what
Speaker 1: they'll remember. I remember the low energy, and they'll be
Speaker 1: like should I call her again? I don't know, and
Speaker 1: then swipe next. So if you leave the date feeling
Speaker 1: like oh we just we just got started and now
Speaker 1: and I always say be coming from somewhere and be
Speaker 1: going to somewhere, and so then like you're is right
Speaker 1: and saying like well, if to ten minutes now, I'm
Speaker 1: coming or going to the gym, yeah exactly. And I
Speaker 1: had always a pre date ritual when I was dating,
Speaker 1: like I would come from the gym and then I
Speaker 1: would always say like, oh I have to meet up
Speaker 1: a friend with a friend, or I have to get
Speaker 1: up early for work or whatever, or like oh my
Speaker 1: mom's gonna call me anything. It could be literally anything.
Speaker 1: But if you set the expectation that the date's not
Speaker 1: gonna last for the whole night and then you then
Speaker 1: then when it comes time for the day to end,
Speaker 1: they're not like, oh, well this bitch kick made the
Speaker 1: curb after I actually really like that's a little a
Speaker 1: little dating thing too. I used to always I don't wonder,
Speaker 1: what do you think about this? I would always bring
Speaker 1: a friend on it. Now now no, I literally just
Speaker 1: talked about this on an episode and I'm not sure
Speaker 1: if we dropped it, but to me, as soon as
Speaker 1: I bring a friend on a date, I'm it's the
Speaker 1: epitome of friend zoning somebody. It's the epitome of this
Speaker 1: is no longer. I just see how you vey to me,
Speaker 1: and then if I don't like you first date, Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: well I think I would just do that with guys
Speaker 1: that I'm like, I don't know if I want. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying to me, it's not a date.
Speaker 1: Then I literally will bring a friend if I don't
Speaker 1: want them to think it's not a date. At that point,
Speaker 1: it's a group outing. So as we're talking about millennial dating,
Speaker 1: that is also one of the biggest challenges this is
Speaker 1: this is dumb offline dating group dates. It's like, I
Speaker 1: don't date where you don't know your date or hang out.
Speaker 1: You know, it's creates too much confusion. What is the purpose?
Speaker 1: But then it would date into like a single day afterwards.
Speaker 1: I disagree. Okay, well whatever, I think you're gonna like
Speaker 1: the third day, because I think this might unlock the
Speaker 1: whole dating app world for you. It is not it's
Speaker 1: character's actually showing your personality, showing the wild side of
Speaker 1: you that wants the character of the dick right and
Speaker 1: I need that to get kicked off the later you
Speaker 1: can see the character that but you show don't be
Speaker 1: afraid of that part of you because that's and I
Speaker 1: know you've talked about that on the show before too,
Speaker 1: Like letting that be an element of your profile. It
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be every picture is crazy, but letting
Speaker 1: that part of your personality that's different from everybody else
Speaker 1: come through in your profile. And this is what this
Speaker 1: is the biggest dating at mistake. I see people are
Speaker 1: trying to be something to everybody, but they are not
Speaker 1: trying to bring themselves. Yeah, if you I'll put it
Speaker 1: in like halloween pictures for clients goofy pictures to really
Speaker 1: to show their personality, to show their sense of humor,
Speaker 1: and then they're more likely to get a response on
Speaker 1: those because people see like, oh, I don't have to
Speaker 1: be a certain thing for this person. I can just
Speaker 1: come and be myself like that. Okay, So I don't
Speaker 1: see your profile next and I don't even know, let
Speaker 1: me see if I have, So I've really been just
Speaker 1: deleting these apps. Um oh yeah, and her profile too.
Speaker 1: First off, calm down, They're good, But I don't have
Speaker 1: a dating app on my phone. Let me ask you
Speaker 1: a question. What do you think about emojis in the bio?
Speaker 1: Hate it? Hate it? I think it's I think it's
Speaker 1: child is just basically, I don't want to see a
Speaker 1: fucking palm tree a plane because the plane means you
Speaker 1: like traveling, a basketball because you liketball. It's like, no,
Speaker 1: I don't like even when people talk to me an emoji.
Speaker 1: I don't know what can you speak like, like we
Speaker 1: can emoji after a year? Maybe yeah, um, I mean
Speaker 1: maybe an emoji like at the end of a paragraph.
Speaker 1: But I don't want to. I don't want to, like
Speaker 1: guess what you're into because you put fucking you know.
Speaker 1: I just asked because I'm I. I usually said that,
Speaker 1: But I feel like communication is changing. This is what
Speaker 1: I love about the fact that I've been doing this
Speaker 1: for so long. I've seen so many evolutions in the
Speaker 1: way people use dating apps. But it's not It's not
Speaker 1: like Hi, I'm Yolanda smiley emoji face like, I'm not
Speaker 1: Eve gonna lie. I want to go back to a
Speaker 1: s lp age sex let age sex like yeah, but um,
Speaker 1: so to me. I think not only the dating apps,
Speaker 1: but um ship, people are now asking for your Snapchat
Speaker 1: before your number. I've noticed on the dating apps and
Speaker 1: so and so when they get not personal No, but
Speaker 1: that's the thing too, Like when you get all of
Speaker 1: these social media apps, you're now communicating via the dating app.
Speaker 1: Now you guys may be gotten too exchanging Instagrams, so
Speaker 1: now you're dmming each other. Then they asked for your Snapchat,
Speaker 1: so now you're communicating via snap Nothing is personalized. And
Speaker 1: you're having all these ways to communicate with me, But
Speaker 1: yet you're not just picking up the phone and calling me.
Speaker 1: You're not just doing the basic necessities of talking, which
Speaker 1: is what I'm seeing. People can have a full blown
Speaker 1: conversation in text messages in these apps, and then you
Speaker 1: go on the day and it's fucking awkward. They don't
Speaker 1: know how to talk in person. Which is why I
Speaker 1: feel like it's it's hard to take that day off
Speaker 1: of the app, because now you're meeting someone you guys
Speaker 1: connected through text messages, you guys connected through the apps.
Speaker 1: You thought he was funny, and then you meet him
Speaker 1: and it's like he doesn't even know how to pity. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So well, I for a long time. I've had my
Speaker 1: clients do a phone call before the date, in between
Speaker 1: the texting and and I FaceTime. Oh no, not FaceTime.
Speaker 1: And I'll tell you why, because you only get you
Speaker 1: only get once to make that first impression. You will
Speaker 1: get one chance. So if you're just like, oh well,
Speaker 1: we'll go and face him, because you're like, I gotta
Speaker 1: check him out and make sure that he's not crazy,
Speaker 1: I want to check for catfish FaceTime someone, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I might not even have my makeup done, and of course,
Speaker 1: to me, I do want to put my best foot
Speaker 1: forward and forget. Oh no, definitely not don't. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: you can't call anybody just out of the blue. So
Speaker 1: I have I've met someone a Muslim Bay. We met
Speaker 1: on Unhinge. Yeah, so via Muslim Bay met on Hinge.
Speaker 1: And it's ironic. I was literally just on there just
Speaker 1: to get fire rapid questions because the way Hinges set
Speaker 1: up is super dope, like it's like ice breaker questions,
Speaker 1: so you really get to learn the person a little
Speaker 1: bit more. So I was on there and I had
Speaker 1: a match. I matched him back and we literally were
Speaker 1: like up all night in the app. Then exchange numbers
Speaker 1: and we're texting, and we planned a date almost immediately
Speaker 1: within the first week. He's like, if it goes beyond that,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna probably lose interest. So let's set up
Speaker 1: a date. So we're talking, and before I set up
Speaker 1: a date, because he seems so cool, I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna face time you real quick, just to
Speaker 1: see that you are who these pictures are and just
Speaker 1: a validate. I can't validate if you're a serial killer
Speaker 1: or not, but at least I can see if you
Speaker 1: are who you say you are. And then I immediately
Speaker 1: hung up, So it wasn't a quick face time. It
Speaker 1: was just a verify that he was catfish. I don't
Speaker 1: see why you can't do it that fast. You can
Speaker 1: do it, but I would say I've always said, if
Speaker 1: you're gonna do any kind of video video chatting, you
Speaker 1: gotta show up like you would on a date. So
Speaker 1: maybe you line them up back to back and then
Speaker 1: you know, you get your face on, you get your
Speaker 1: lashes done by Stacy, and then you're like, all right,
Speaker 1: let me just let me just check in real quick
Speaker 1: with each of them. So I mean, right now I'm
Speaker 1: kind of on the fence about the phone call, because
Speaker 1: I know a lot of people are like, oh, it's
Speaker 1: just so much work. But I find my clients do not.
Speaker 1: They do not get ghosted on the first date. They
Speaker 1: do not um end up sitting across from someone that
Speaker 1: they thought was really funny and actually can't carry on
Speaker 1: a conversation. And it only needs to be like ten minutes,
Speaker 1: like just to see do the things that you say
Speaker 1: in your profile check out? Are you? Are you? My
Speaker 1: husband call me? I put all my my rules out
Speaker 1: the window when I met him, and then I was like, oh, hey, rules,
Speaker 1: I got a bound by rules after I met it,
Speaker 1: like we have to change things yours I had. I
Speaker 1: had so many rules, like only have one drink on
Speaker 1: the first date, because I knew for me that rule
Speaker 1: never worked for me. It was awful. Well, I went on.
Speaker 1: I went on a date with Muslim Bay and was like,
Speaker 1: just so you know, I know you don't drink, but
Speaker 1: I drink because when I have two drinks and it
Speaker 1: just just goes like I get so happy, like oh,
Speaker 1: let's have another drink. Then it's like I forget how
Speaker 1: many drinks I'd taken. Then it's like, wait, I didn't
Speaker 1: want to fuck you right right and now you know
Speaker 1: and I know that's like the point where I make
Speaker 1: the horrible decisions. So I was like one drink, that's it.
Speaker 1: But I did have to drinks with him. And then
Speaker 1: I saw his profile and I was like, you are
Speaker 1: everything I'm looking for, Like when can we meet? And
Speaker 1: then we set a date and I was like, oh wait,
Speaker 1: I didn't do a phone call. So then I was
Speaker 1: like I need I said to him, I need you
Speaker 1: to call me so I can make sure you're not
Speaker 1: a serial killer. That's like, what would serial killer sound like? Apparently? Yeah,
Speaker 1: him out out? Do you want to meet on Monday? Still?
Speaker 1: So you met your husband through a dating app? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Well it was online dating back then there was. It
Speaker 1: was called Nerve Nerve dot com and it was it
Speaker 1: was sort of for the It was tied into like
Speaker 1: l A Weekly Personals and UM and the onion and
Speaker 1: it was sort of like for I guess like artsy,
Speaker 1: I don't know, Yeah, there's a there's app now that
Speaker 1: UM we talked about a lot riya, which is like
Speaker 1: not like Ryan at all, and it was clients was like,
Speaker 1: I guess you have to like send it invitation yet
Speaker 1: but I heard it was directors and stuff like that
Speaker 1: that are on the New York and yes, all creatives
Speaker 1: and they have to show like their I d social
Speaker 1: like you have to put all this ship it was.
Speaker 1: It was more like like striving artists on fun fun Nerve.
Speaker 1: But yeah, Ryan is only you have to be invited
Speaker 1: to be the industry people. Industry people. You have to
Speaker 1: submit your Instagram. That's how you don't like it. I
Speaker 1: didn't say I didn't like. Yeah, I thought you said
Speaker 1: don't like it. I'm so sorry said it was not
Speaker 1: at all like that. I now I'm careful. I work
Speaker 1: with a lot of dating apps, so I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: say I like or dislike any of them. What I'll
Speaker 1: say from Riya is that there are a lot of
Speaker 1: people there who are there because they got in and
Speaker 1: they're like, oh well I'm I'm elite and I'm in Riyah,
Speaker 1: and then they never move offline. So for most of
Speaker 1: my clients that have gotten in that have used it,
Speaker 1: I have a client that's been on it for almost
Speaker 1: two years and has never ever been on a date
Speaker 1: from it. So I want to ask you, this is
Speaker 1: she's gorgeous. This is before we get into the homemail
Speaker 1: because I have found, as a black woman who only
Speaker 1: dates black men, that dating apps have been hard because
Speaker 1: I'm swiping fifty white guys before I can get to
Speaker 1: someone black and then shout out to x D black dating.
Speaker 1: You know, That's what I was about to ask if
Speaker 1: there's like I just so, I just noticed all of
Speaker 1: the black dating apps basically have vanished from the app store,
Speaker 1: so soul Sweat one and I don't know that's day
Speaker 1: and I was like, I like just turn around and realized,
Speaker 1: like what happened? There is one called b Lka out there.
Speaker 1: And then oh, somebody told me about another one. I'll
Speaker 1: look it up for you black people. Well I know
Speaker 1: that no, well that I'm sure it's transformed into app,
Speaker 1: but it's online like match dot com. And then I
Speaker 1: know that there's another one that I just heard about.
Speaker 1: Um Olani Um from the Laid Bear podcast shout out
Speaker 1: to her. She does. It's called highly, but it's not
Speaker 1: it's not specific to black people, but it is a
Speaker 1: black owned app. Um, so it's h I L Y
Speaker 1: or something like that. But um, but that is a
Speaker 1: problem and a problem with me with dating apps because
Speaker 1: of that, when they like when they launched Coffee Meats Bagel,
Speaker 1: they were like, we'll do a beta with one of
Speaker 1: your clients and I I so, I gave this is what.
Speaker 1: Way in the beginning, they were launching in l A.
Speaker 1: And I had a black client that was only dating
Speaker 1: black men, and like it literally got to the end
Speaker 1: in a week. She was like, they were like, we
Speaker 1: have no matches for you, and that's a problem. It's
Speaker 1: a problem when you're when you're doing the swipe apps,
Speaker 1: particularly because you can't filter rate really right. So the
Speaker 1: only that's why I did UM. I just wanted to
Speaker 1: know if you knew of any other ones. But Hinge
Speaker 1: Hinge has been the only dating apples and now owned
Speaker 1: by match Really yeah they oh wow, So hin hinges
Speaker 1: where I met Muslim Bay and Hinge allows you to
Speaker 1: um do deal breakers, And for me, a deal breaker
Speaker 1: is someone who's white, Like I'm not interested. So I
Speaker 1: literally you know what they say, once you go white, No,
Speaker 1: don't know, don't knock it though, don't knock it. Hinge
Speaker 1: has been the only one that I've been able to
Speaker 1: specify whether they are you know, black or other. Wifey
Speaker 1: somebody told me about wife white. FA is a is
Speaker 1: a black dating app. Apparently not. I've not looked at
Speaker 1: it yet, but see I come in here with all
Speaker 1: kinds of information. You do look a whole munch. So
Speaker 1: I'm excited. Now you're gonna go ahead and let me
Speaker 1: check us. Okay, we're doing good on something, so I am.
Speaker 1: We're gonna talk about our home mail. If you guys
Speaker 1: want to send in your homemail, you can do so
Speaker 1: by emailing us at Horrible Decisions at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: So this one, I'm just gonna read the title just
Speaker 1: so you can know what we're dealing with here. The
Speaker 1: title for this week's homemail is escorts. Do I have
Speaker 1: a problem. Over the last two to three years, I've
Speaker 1: had experiences with escorts. It started as an exciting experience
Speaker 1: whils at university, but kind of progress into a more
Speaker 1: occasional thing. I've been with around four to five each
Speaker 1: year and have enjoyed my experiences, usually going for girls
Speaker 1: that are down to earth and laid back, offering the
Speaker 1: girlfriend experience, not pouring star or trashy types. But I
Speaker 1: do like trying kinky new experiences with escorts. I'm comfortable
Speaker 1: with two. I've had a strap on. The problem is
Speaker 1: I'm worried I may become too reliant on escorts for
Speaker 1: new and regular sexual experiences. It doesn't help that I'm
Speaker 1: kind of shy when approaching girls too. Also, I'm worried
Speaker 1: that regular girls won't be too interested in getting as
Speaker 1: kinky as me. And I'm really enjoying trying new things
Speaker 1: like b DSM. I love being dominated. Now, what are
Speaker 1: your opinions? What should I do? This is a man
Speaker 1: or a woman. Definitely sounds like a man. It sounds
Speaker 1: like a man, so basically they are I guess feel
Speaker 1: like they're becoming addicted with having sex with escorts. Um
Speaker 1: they're paying. I assume he said he does like to
Speaker 1: be nominated, so this would be in the kinky realm
Speaker 1: where he may not feel comfortable bringing up these kinks too.
Speaker 1: Regular people, however, of course, when and I've realized, even
Speaker 1: with me just having a podcast about sex, that people
Speaker 1: are more open to talking about sex as the same
Speaker 1: with porn stars. You can be in the group of
Speaker 1: girls who do nothing surprises them. So I guess his
Speaker 1: concern is ever being able to date a quote unquote
Speaker 1: regular girl because he's not only shy, but it's bringing
Speaker 1: the kinky world to regular people. I think it is
Speaker 1: a problem is that he yeah, he is. It's not
Speaker 1: just the dating escorts or going whatever, going out with
Speaker 1: escorts and having sex with escorts that is the problem.
Speaker 1: It's the fact that he never has to actually risk
Speaker 1: to write, to to share anything about himself, to ask
Speaker 1: a woman out, to even chat on a dating app.
Speaker 1: It takes a little bit of effort, right, a little
Speaker 1: bit of risk. And if he's never it's going to
Speaker 1: experience that, then he's going to continue to feel shy,
Speaker 1: as he says it. And I would not assume that
Speaker 1: regular girls are into your key, right, I think you
Speaker 1: have to talk to them, no one, that might be
Speaker 1: the thing. He just doesn't know how to talk about it.
Speaker 1: So I feel like when he feels like he's putting
Speaker 1: a dollar sign on it, he feels more confident in
Speaker 1: asking for these things because he feels like he's buying.
Speaker 1: So you're getting what you pay for as as opposed
Speaker 1: to dealing with a regular girl, you are going to
Speaker 1: have to maybe be like, so, this is what I'm into.
Speaker 1: Is this something you would be like? Yeah. I think
Speaker 1: the dynamic of just communicating that you're into these things
Speaker 1: is what is scaring him. But it's what scares a
Speaker 1: lot of open up right away. I think, you know,
Speaker 1: you just kind of get to know someone and then eventually,
Speaker 1: but he has to start me. That's what the relationship is. Like,
Speaker 1: that's so weird because I opened up. I open up
Speaker 1: so early about the things. Yeah, you know, if he
Speaker 1: wants a relationship, I would think that it's like just
Speaker 1: take your time, because like if you're going to be
Speaker 1: with someone, you don't know how long you're gonna be
Speaker 1: with them for, and it's like you don't want them
Speaker 1: obviously judge you right away if you want, Like I
Speaker 1: don't know whatever he's into, but you know what, we
Speaker 1: slowly start opening up. You No, I feel like you
Speaker 1: learn stuff about your partners still till this day because
Speaker 1: like even with my situation, like he was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I just I didn't want your judgment, Like I'm not
Speaker 1: going to judge you. And you know, also i've been
Speaker 1: together for five years. After you've been with someone for
Speaker 1: a while to like sixteen years. Like there were things
Speaker 1: that he brought up early on that I was like, no,
Speaker 1: not into that after sixteen years and like fine, like
Speaker 1: let's try. You're just like whatever if you want to
Speaker 1: keep the relationship fresh. You're like, we'll try it, but
Speaker 1: he has to get over the hurdle of even taking
Speaker 1: the risk and talking to women and and like feel
Speaker 1: that there's sometimes he might not get his need met,
Speaker 1: he might get rejected and that he's okay. Oh and
Speaker 1: I've done that um recently, especially with dating. So, like
Speaker 1: I said, I opened up actually almost immediately. Of the
Speaker 1: things that I think, what opening up that fast? I
Speaker 1: just want you to have a successful relationship it one day, No,
Speaker 1: But because this is such a big part of what
Speaker 1: she does, I think it's appropriate for you to bring
Speaker 1: it up early on, because you don't want people than
Speaker 1: going and like checking out the Instagram and listening to
Speaker 1: the podcast. Like the guy that I just met at
Speaker 1: the pool party, our first conversation was about sex clubs
Speaker 1: and polyamory and open relationships and monogamy, and so this
Speaker 1: was like a conversation. Mind you, I don't remember at
Speaker 1: all because I was highly intoxicated. So we're gonna probably
Speaker 1: have to redo that conversation. But to me, seeing the
Speaker 1: comfortability of these things, so I'll bring it back and
Speaker 1: I'm not I think I was just having this conversation
Speaker 1: just amongst friends. But there was a guy recently that
Speaker 1: I was talking to, super good looking, definitely sexual like attraction,
Speaker 1: and we started talking about what we were both into because,
Speaker 1: as I said, I talked about the things that I
Speaker 1: like very early because I want to be sure that
Speaker 1: we're gonna have sex that I'm going to be able
Speaker 1: to come from. Like there's things that I want in sex,
Speaker 1: and I want to know that you're willing to do
Speaker 1: those things. And I remember where I brought up the
Speaker 1: kinky aspect, and of course pegging was brought up, and
Speaker 1: his response to that was like, thank god I didn't
Speaker 1: suck him. He literally was like, wait, a guy let
Speaker 1: you do that to him. He was like, actually, now
Speaker 1: I don't listen to how like ignorant the song. He
Speaker 1: literally said, well, I don't really know if I want
Speaker 1: to have sex with you now, because if a guy
Speaker 1: allowed you to peg him with a strap on, I
Speaker 1: know that that guy has had sex with other men
Speaker 1: and they're literally and he said, I just don't think
Speaker 1: you know, he's like, not that I'm calling you dirty
Speaker 1: or anything, And of course brought in brought in that
Speaker 1: whole thing. It was literally like I just don't want
Speaker 1: to have sex with a girl who has had sex
Speaker 1: with a man, who has sex with men. He's like you,
Speaker 1: like literally he's literally with like so beyond with it.
Speaker 1: And I was just like, thank god, I didn't open
Speaker 1: my legs to you. For one, because you're ignorant, but
Speaker 1: for two, for you to genuinely think that every woman
Speaker 1: you've had sex with, you know that you know all
Speaker 1: of their sexual history and who their partners have had
Speaker 1: sex with, just based off of a kink that someone
Speaker 1: may enjoy, Like we literally went down a rabbit hole
Speaker 1: and I just started like he was spewing homophobia. And
Speaker 1: of course, so to me, bringing up those things early
Speaker 1: allowed me to see where he is in his mindset.
Speaker 1: And yes, maybe two years from now that may change,
Speaker 1: like he could be one that's open, but to see
Speaker 1: how closed minded he was that early, I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not even gonna waste my time moving forward, Like
Speaker 1: just a disclaimer because I love Mandy to death and
Speaker 1: I don't judge her at all for whatever showever she goes.
Speaker 1: I just because I don't want people like, oh, she's
Speaker 1: like attacking her. I just want to know, like if
Speaker 1: there's another way maybe that she can talk to a
Speaker 1: guy where it's not but her' it's very sexual. So yeah,
Speaker 1: but like she said, straight and fucking pegging, like you know,
Speaker 1: it's kind of like doesn't open. Also, but I'm also
Speaker 1: just saying that I've done it. I don't have to
Speaker 1: peg every person I'm with, which is also the misconception
Speaker 1: of me having that kink. I'm okay with us not
Speaker 1: pegging at all. I've never pegged. I've never pecked twenty seven.
Speaker 1: I would. I would like to know what my partner
Speaker 1: is into or what what the kickiest thing there into.
Speaker 1: To me, it's just a conversation me saying I like
Speaker 1: pegging doesn't mean oh my god, I won't have sex
Speaker 1: if you don't let me peg you. It's literally like, hey,
Speaker 1: this is the thing I'm into. I brought up the
Speaker 1: story there was a guy that I met um online
Speaker 1: and he told me that he wanted to gag and
Speaker 1: fit my entire foot in his mouth. This is what
Speaker 1: he was into. And he's like, I really love Yeah
Speaker 1: he wanted. I told him, I said, I don't think
Speaker 1: you'll be able to. He's like, oh yes I will,
Speaker 1: and oh yes I will though, but go of thing.
Speaker 1: But this is what he was into, and I let
Speaker 1: him know. Well, I don't know if I would really
Speaker 1: be into that, but I didn't look at him many
Speaker 1: different because that was his king. I think we should
Speaker 1: all be able to talk about our kicks. So I
Speaker 1: feel like the problem even with the guy in the homemail,
Speaker 1: is that there's some level of shame to what he
Speaker 1: feels like. He enjoys bringing up the shop on being dominated,
Speaker 1: so that's where it comes from. It's not that what
Speaker 1: a regular girl's gonna think. I think it's the shame
Speaker 1: that he feels like. Damn, I don't think he embraces it.
Speaker 1: So going to a sex worker makes sense for him
Speaker 1: because he feels like he's going to be judged or
Speaker 1: not be able to bring up this part of him
Speaker 1: to people. I want people to like me, know me,
Speaker 1: and all of me. She's just like to say this
Speaker 1: sounding like I'm a loser or anything. But I feel
Speaker 1: like he needs to love himself in order for other
Speaker 1: people to love him and him to be secure and
Speaker 1: who he is. He needs to kind of like accept
Speaker 1: who he is and just be himself and not be
Speaker 1: someone else, because he's always paid for those things to
Speaker 1: be done. He's making the assumption that regular girls wouldn't
Speaker 1: be into that. I mean, don't you listen to this podcast? Well,
Speaker 1: well he does, but there's a lot of people that
Speaker 1: listen to this podcast and they're still learning themselves. Trust me,
Speaker 1: everyone that listens to this podcast, But I mean, I
Speaker 1: woul think it would give them kind of like, oh wait,
Speaker 1: there's people like me out here in this world, which
Speaker 1: is which is what this show has done, thankfully, but
Speaker 1: there's still so many people that are still just like, Okay, damn,
Speaker 1: I realized that this is something that I like to do,
Speaker 1: but now, okay, how do I express this to my
Speaker 1: partner or how do I express this to the people
Speaker 1: I'm dating? Damn? Is this something I can even share
Speaker 1: with my friends? There's so many people that listen to
Speaker 1: this podcast and are like, thank you, ladies. I wish
Speaker 1: I had friends like you, because there's even we judge
Speaker 1: each other as friends for what we do behind closed doors.
Speaker 1: So there's still just a level of uncomfortablelity of sex
Speaker 1: and shame about the things that we like in it.
Speaker 1: So to me, within dating, I want to see how
Speaker 1: open minded someone is, whether they're into the things I'm
Speaker 1: into or not. That's fine, but I want someone to
Speaker 1: be able to comfortably tell me what they like and
Speaker 1: don't like, comfortably explain to me what their level of
Speaker 1: kink is and what they want to experience it, because
Speaker 1: I want to do that your work too. It's impossible
Speaker 1: to escape it like a first date conversation. As soon
Speaker 1: as I tell people like I host the Dates and
Speaker 1: Mats podcast, they're like, oh, you're a dating coach. I
Speaker 1: want to know X y Z. Every interaction I have
Speaker 1: becomes like dating dating advice, and I feel like that's
Speaker 1: why when we work to him. In his case, I
Speaker 1: just think he needs to find a little more confidence
Speaker 1: within himself to one You're finally right because that you've
Speaker 1: been wrong, so I'm never wrong. I know I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna lie. When we were looking at you like no,
Speaker 1: but you're wrong, you were like, how dare you say
Speaker 1: such a thing? No, but I love this conversation. And
Speaker 1: so a lot of us are in unfortunately this dating
Speaker 1: cess pool because it sucks. So for some way, stop
Speaker 1: getting stock you have it sounds also a just mindset
Speaker 1: around it. You have read me a guess your mindset
Speaker 1: around me, because if you're going into it with the
Speaker 1: expectation that it is sucked in the past and it's
Speaker 1: going to suck again. True, you're going to repeat that
Speaker 1: same experience. So that's the first place to start. Man, Okay,
Speaker 1: read me again. So for any of our listeners um
Speaker 1: that are interested and maybe signing up for some dating
Speaker 1: coaching from you or listening to your podcast, everything, go
Speaker 1: ahead and drop everything. Also, everything that Demona says now
Speaker 1: will be in the description of this episode so that
Speaker 1: you guys can click on it, check her out and
Speaker 1: get some more tips. So go ahead and let everyone
Speaker 1: know where they can find you. Yeah, I give dating
Speaker 1: advice like this every week on the Dates and Mates
Speaker 1: with Demona Hoffman podcast. I'm gonna have to come on
Speaker 1: there so you could like give me a dating intervention.
Speaker 1: I know you're coming to New York. Maybe we can
Speaker 1: do that because I know I leave to please. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, are you really my friend? I hate you?
Speaker 1: I want the best for you. Know, we can maybe
Speaker 1: go down on how I've dated even over just the
Speaker 1: last year, and maybe how I kind of proved of
Speaker 1: all my friends in the room and just give, Like
Speaker 1: what is that called when it's like you give like
Speaker 1: a drug addict? You put them in a room and
Speaker 1: then it's like intervention is like your family gets there.
Speaker 1: It's like thetating life has affected my life in the
Speaker 1: following way. Yeah, your dating problems. Okay, so we have
Speaker 1: the Dates and Mates when you drop and every Monday
Speaker 1: just likes guy, I know you know you guys want
Speaker 1: to listen to something on your Monday? Um can you
Speaker 1: you know? There we go. We have two podcasts that
Speaker 1: you can listen to now on Mondays. Yeah. And then
Speaker 1: I also I have a lot of resources on my
Speaker 1: website Demona Hoffman dot com or on Dates and Mates
Speaker 1: dot com. So I have a profile starter kid, if
Speaker 1: you're just like, okay, I want to date online in
Speaker 1: a totally different way. It hasn't worked before. We can
Speaker 1: refresh your profile. You can write your your own profile.
Speaker 1: It's like remember mad lips, Like were you used to
Speaker 1: write in like the that must people for meting? My
Speaker 1: kids do it? Your kids don't do it? Lives. So
Speaker 1: it was like you can you kill in the blank?
Speaker 1: They change the words. It's like a it's it's like
Speaker 1: a story and then they change certain words and then
Speaker 1: you fill in a word and then it becomes a
Speaker 1: funny story. It's like fill in the blank of dating profile.
Speaker 1: So I've taken profiles that have worked for clients in
Speaker 1: mind before and I've basically rearranged it so that you
Speaker 1: can build your own profile, just kind of cut and
Speaker 1: paste and put your own words into I like that
Speaker 1: because I make the hardest party know what to about
Speaker 1: me genius, because it's kind of like marketing online, except
Speaker 1: you know all the codes and you know, you just
Speaker 1: give it to the person, Like, Yeah, it doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be stressful. I mean, that's the biggest thing. I
Speaker 1: try to make dating apps not stressful, like a dating marketer,
Speaker 1: sell what you have. Yeah. No, well, we'll definitely have
Speaker 1: to to come. I would love to maybe even just
Speaker 1: ask more like and hopefully I've had more dates by
Speaker 1: then with um, what are we going to call him?
Speaker 1: Pool party Bay or Muslim bayther one. Those are the
Speaker 1: two guys that I'm kind of entertaining right now. So
Speaker 1: par Bay, I don't I don't know if I like that.
Speaker 1: I don't like that neither. We gotta come up with
Speaker 1: a better name. Graham. Um, but yeah, so and come
Speaker 1: on social media, I'm at Demona Hoffman on all of
Speaker 1: the socials, So here you're dating questions decisions listeners, send
Speaker 1: those in for sure, and I'll definitely send them over
Speaker 1: to you as well. So any dating app questions you
Speaker 1: guys have for Demona, definitely put hey, I heard the
Speaker 1: episode with Dedemona and please help me um. And then
Speaker 1: Stacy for our listeners who enjoyed you hating on me
Speaker 1: on episode. Um, I'm just playing, um, where can they
Speaker 1: find you? And also tell tell them about what you
Speaker 1: do in your business because okay, so I was going
Speaker 1: to close out being serious. I am the owner of
Speaker 1: get lash l a on Laurel Canyon. I also have
Speaker 1: an online um shop by manufacturer all my Lashes shop
Speaker 1: get lash l a dot com. And I just recently
Speaker 1: made my profile public again and that is all one
Speaker 1: g s. So please be nice and gental to me
Speaker 1: because it's been a while. Also, something happened. It sounds
Speaker 1: like I used well we okay, like you know, Twitter days,
Speaker 1: Instagram days, kind of a little like a lot of
Speaker 1: following the case behind the numbers, you know. So I
Speaker 1: was kind of a little like, you know, I don't know,
Speaker 1: social media whatever, the millennial that's what I was. I
Speaker 1: got in a relationship like you were talking about left everything.
Speaker 1: I was like, funk this, I just don't want any
Speaker 1: like you know, I was just too much draw in
Speaker 1: the beginning, so I just wanted to get away. I
Speaker 1: refocused my energy into my business, which is like the
Speaker 1: greatest thing I could have done. So now I am
Speaker 1: like refinding myself and who I have become. And I
Speaker 1: just didn't want to do that in front of everyone
Speaker 1: because I've changed her. Honus has been deleted has now.
Speaker 1: But guys, if you guys are lash text or even
Speaker 1: looking to get your lashes done here in l A,
Speaker 1: we do have a promo code. It get last l A.
Speaker 1: It is w d P and it gets on the
Speaker 1: shop one person off online that's w d P and
Speaker 1: then twenty five dollars off of full sets. If you
Speaker 1: come in and say, hey, horrible decisions. Um, and yeah,
Speaker 1: she does a really good job and like she does
Speaker 1: it quick. She did my lashes, and well I have
Speaker 1: a shop with like it's not meat, it's gonna do
Speaker 1: your lashes as a couple of girls. Yeah, she's like, which,
Speaker 1: I have employees. I own it now. Um, I have
Speaker 1: people that work under me. No, but thank you guys
Speaker 1: so much for joining me. If you guys enjoyed this episode,
Speaker 1: please leave the comments on SoundCloud. We don't have video
Speaker 1: for this, so for all of the people who enjoy
Speaker 1: watching us on YouTube, we are recording remotely and so
Speaker 1: bit a bit had to pay for the studio this time.
Speaker 1: So um, but shout out to you guys. As always,
Speaker 1: I want to give a huge shout out to all
Speaker 1: of our supporters. So everyone on Patreon who donates as
Speaker 1: little as one dollar a month, you guys are helping
Speaker 1: us rock. We are also about to drop these tour
Speaker 1: dates guys. So there's sixteen cities that we are coming
Speaker 1: to for the ones who have been asking us. We
Speaker 1: are coming to Boston, New Orleans, Cleveland, the Bay Area, Dallas, Charlotte, Orlando,
Speaker 1: New Orleans, I said, the Bay Where else that we
Speaker 1: haven't had before. Yeah, I'm We're also hitting the cities
Speaker 1: we've fit before. Oh also Detroit, Um, so yeah, we're
Speaker 1: hitting We're hitting nine new cities. So I'm super excited
Speaker 1: um to see all of you guys. Oh yeah, Philly,
Speaker 1: y'all rock y'all always rock with us, So we're coming
Speaker 1: to Philly. Um. But before we get out of here,
Speaker 1: we are going to leave you a five minute bonus
Speaker 1: clip from our Patreon. If you guys did not know,
Speaker 1: we dropped seven episodes a month, that is an additional
Speaker 1: three bonus episodes. We are now sitting on almost forty
Speaker 1: five bonus episodes. So if you're all caught up with
Speaker 1: all of the Horrible Decisions podcast, you can go onto
Speaker 1: patreon dot com, back slash Horrible Decisions and check out
Speaker 1: our bonus content. Once again, guys, tune in to the
Speaker 1: five minute bonus clip, and this has been yet another
Speaker 1: episode of Horrible Decisions. A FI guys faction rarely compared
Speaker 1: to the general population, and some have little to no
Speaker 1: interest in sexual activity. No, you're not a demi sexual.
Speaker 1: Demi sexuals are considered to be on the A sexual spectrum,
Speaker 1: meaning they are closure with a sexuality. So I guess
Speaker 1: that one. That one is more so, Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: a Christopher maybe that um And so that's where you're
Speaker 1: just finding more of um emotional bond because I guess
Speaker 1: I thought that because maybe some A sexual people don't
Speaker 1: even need emotional bond. But I was like me with
Speaker 1: Fellam Bay. I love being around that nigga, but I
Speaker 1: didn't want to suck him, but only because he wanted
Speaker 1: to funk, I didn't want to. I used to call
Speaker 1: him over when I was on my period because I
Speaker 1: knew I wasn't gonna do you like him? I liked, liked, liked, liked.
Speaker 1: So that really weird one. This is not a real one, dude,
Speaker 1: This it is. It took a long time to find,
Speaker 1: but I had to look up lgbt Q slang. This
Speaker 1: one is called an eyeball queen, a person who derived
Speaker 1: pleasure from watching others engage in intercourse. Now, we normally
Speaker 1: hear voyeurism, but they call it eyeball queens when it's
Speaker 1: like a gay sex club. So the next one is weird.
Speaker 1: I ain't never heard of this either. You've never heard
Speaker 1: that friend of Dorothy? Yes, like Dorothy from the Wizard
Speaker 1: of Oz. It's like, wait, was the tin man in
Speaker 1: line and on him gay? With the scarecrawling all that ship? Gay?
Speaker 1: Don't ruin my childhood. I've been to a brunch called
Speaker 1: a friend of Dorothy friend of Dorothy? So yeah, a
Speaker 1: friend of Dorothy is a slang for a gay man.
Speaker 1: So wait, friend of Dorothy is the friend of Dorothy
Speaker 1: the gay man? Or is Dorothy the gay man? No? No, no,
Speaker 1: like you're a friend of Dorothy, you're the gay man,
Speaker 1: so like it's a way to say that you're not gay.
Speaker 1: For example, like I was in a gay bar ones
Speaker 1: where this guy was like, are we family sis? And
Speaker 1: I knew where he meant, like, no, what is oh?
Speaker 1: Are we family? Family? And I've heard are you a
Speaker 1: ladies lady? When I go to the Gate Club, they
Speaker 1: love to ask me that. Actually what I was the
Speaker 1: ladies lady? That means you're a lesbian. Yeah, this guy
Speaker 1: was like, are you a ladies lady? Because there's new
Speaker 1: news with Tessa Thompson she is dating Lupita. Wait, no,
Speaker 1: wasn't Tessa Thompson dating um no, the one with the
Speaker 1: suit Jenelle? Now Tessa Thompson or Jenelle Monet Lupia. It's
Speaker 1: one or the other Lupeta was dating? Wasn't she dating?
Speaker 1: Um no? Chin? She hates him Michael Michael B. Jordan's
Speaker 1: He ain't got no chim bro. You don't think he's cute, No,
Speaker 1: she it's his profile. His chin dips right into his neck. Y'all.
Speaker 1: If y'all look at Michael B. Jordan's from the side,
Speaker 1: she looked. No, she got me saying and that Nick
Speaker 1: ain't got no chim bro. It's like it's like his
Speaker 1: face long back. What no, he he ain't got no neck, bro. Well,
Speaker 1: he ain't got no Look it goes right into no
Speaker 1: look at him from look at a profile. You gotta
Speaker 1: do a profile. Look at Michael B. Jordan's profile. His
Speaker 1: face goes right into his neck. He ain't got no china.
Speaker 1: So there's a there's two different gs. The first G
Speaker 1: is a gender queer. It's a way of describing someone's
Speaker 1: gender that doesn't include the current definitions of man or woman.
Speaker 1: And Nope, I'm lying. I'm just queer, I think because
Speaker 1: some people might identify themselves feminine men or masculine women,
Speaker 1: or androgynous, or there are other category glories um that
Speaker 1: they just want outside of boy man or girl woman.
Speaker 1: Not all gender queer people are trans interesting. The next
Speaker 1: one actually picked two. These are two gs. Another one
Speaker 1: would be gender fluid, So a person whose gender identification
Speaker 1: and presentation shifts um, whether within or outside of societal
Speaker 1: gender based expectations, being fluid in motion between two or
Speaker 1: more down gender fluid because which my dick is long?
Speaker 1: James is gender fluid, Well, so me and James gender
Speaker 1: fluid shout out maybe but he wears like saying maybe,
Speaker 1: which I wear baggy jeans. I'd be ready to be
Speaker 1: a nigga and slang my dick a nigga. So what's
Speaker 1: the problem. I think that's well, no, no, no, wouldn't
Speaker 1: a woman your gender is not your sexual orientation say that,
Speaker 1: but you don't think you want? Okay, homo and heterosexual
Speaker 1: homosexual being gay? Bitch? Could I get an h heterosexual
Speaker 1: is straight? Mean with the opposite gender? What's I? This
Speaker 1: is a good one. I is different. Damn. I thought
Speaker 1: I was gonna get to read the next one. You
Speaker 1: react because I like the next one. I just like
Speaker 1: the sound of it. Intersex as a person born with
Speaker 1: a combination of genitals and chromosomes that are different from
Speaker 1: the medically defined herrodite. No, but yeah, so like I
Speaker 1: think we shouldn't use that word anywhere apparently, which is
Speaker 1: why intersex is the word. But it is hermaphrodite, but
Speaker 1: you can't see them. So like a woman that did
Speaker 1: the intersex ted talk said she didn't know for years
Speaker 1: or something, and she just didn't have the certain chromosome
Speaker 1: and she had a male chromosome there, so she can't
Speaker 1: have kids. It's it's a very crazy number. It's like
Speaker 1: one in every two thousand. Let me look at a
Speaker 1: percentage of intersex, Like a lot of people will have
Speaker 1: this um and they just grow up and they don't know.
Speaker 1: And so she said, when she was growing up, her
Speaker 1: mom would take her doctors. Nobody could figure it out.
Speaker 1: Come to find out two percent of people. Only two
Speaker 1: percent in the whole world or American world. I wish
Speaker 1: I'd just said nationwide or or the American world. Uh,
Speaker 1: that's in the US two percent, okay, And it's like
Speaker 1: what a billion of US I think? Or that China?
Speaker 1: Is that China eight billion? I think we only three
Speaker 1: billion or something. Hold on that number. Now I'm seeing
Speaker 1: one in every births or one in every two thousand,
Speaker 1: that's what she said. When every two thousand, that's a lot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's not like you'll have a dick in a pussy.
Speaker 1: It's like it's your reproductive organs. Okay, So that makes sense.
Speaker 1: The next one, which I'm excited about, guys, were at
Speaker 1: j um j is a jelly dildo, the most soft
Speaker 1: and flex a toy material but also holds the most back.
Speaker 1: Oh damn, I like my little me too. So it
Speaker 1: holds the most bacteria. Most experts have said to throw
Speaker 1: it out. Goddamnit for J I really was trying, and
Speaker 1: it was like, okay, what's real quick? Can you think
Speaker 1: of a j other terms involving sex that has to
Speaker 1: do with J no, bro, I tried all last night.
Speaker 1: This took me like an hour, JA, jail bird, sex beat. Okay,
Speaker 1: we could have brought up jail bird. Actually jail is
Speaker 1: pretty gay. Don't do that because they can sleep, they
Speaker 1: can sleep with the inmate. They could. Don't do that.
Speaker 1: Don't do that. That's oh nope, he may so they
Speaker 1: be gay for their sentence and then they come out
Speaker 1: saying they're still straight. That's how you know sex is
Speaker 1: really like you just need it. Okay, I like this one.
Speaker 1: So I did this. We've had this discussion. Kink first
Speaker 1: is fetish, but kink is referred to as an unconventional
Speaker 1: practice which people derive forms of pleasure. It's not okay,
Speaker 1: but I didn't want to read fetish after it's an