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Speaker 1: Hey or hive. This week's episode is brought to you

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Speaker 1: Adam and Eve. This week's episode is also brought to

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Speaker 1: E I b l E. We can't wait to see

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Speaker 1: you there. Now, let's get on with the show. Hey guys,

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Speaker 1: how are you? Yes, it's the raste one and only

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Speaker 1: Mandy V. Hey guys, it's Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday,

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Speaker 1: whatever day you're listening to us. It is Horrible Decisions

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Speaker 1: And I am recording live out here in Los Angeles.

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Speaker 1: I am joined by a guest co host today because

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Speaker 1: Wheezy is still in New York and probably actually in

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Speaker 1: Europe right now. But I am joined by my good

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Speaker 1: friend Stacy. Hi. You really just so nervous because you're

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Speaker 1: just staring straight now crazy. You totally just you just

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Speaker 1: introduced yourself like Wheezy. I'm like, Yo, just Mendy b

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Speaker 1: A k A. Hi, I'm Stacy, Okay, I'm the realist

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Speaker 1: bitch ever a k A Stacy a kor just Stacy

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Speaker 1: Ak the only one she has money signed, boss Witch.

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Speaker 1: And it's not just us in the studio today, we

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Speaker 1: are also joined by a lovely lady that you guys

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Speaker 1: may or may not have seen, but you're gonna learn

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Speaker 1: her today. She's been on TV and I'm gonna allow

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Speaker 1: her just both about all of her accolades that she's

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Speaker 1: been through. Go ahead and introduce yourself. Well, Hello, I'm

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Speaker 1: Demona Hoffman and I am certified dating coach and you

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Speaker 1: may have seen me on the TV show's hashtag black

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Speaker 1: Love on f Y I or a Question of Love,

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Speaker 1: Black Lives. Yeah, and I write for b ET and

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Speaker 1: Washington Post and all kinds of magazines. But let's say

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Speaker 1: that now I'm loving I'm loving it, Oprah Magazine Daily

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Speaker 1: That there's what I do. This is what I do.

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Speaker 1: You're an expert dating coach. That is your typle on

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Speaker 1: how to date and um also how to stay in

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Speaker 1: relationships if they want. Gosh, Mandy needs you and her

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited. I'm not even a lie. When you

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Speaker 1: were coming, I was literally like, so you emailed us

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Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, yeah, we need this because

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Speaker 1: I apparently need an intervention when it comes to dating,

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Speaker 1: and so I'm super excited to be having, um, the

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Speaker 1: conversation we're gonna have. Of course, we are going to

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Speaker 1: talk about dating. We're gonna dig into the mistakes of

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Speaker 1: online dating and also eating. As a millennial, UM, A

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Speaker 1: lot of us, what what is millennial? What is that

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Speaker 1: eighty seven to ninety six or something like that? Millennial?

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Speaker 1: I know me too, but I was born in nineteen ninety,

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Speaker 1: but I feel like I think it's like eighty five.

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Speaker 1: No no, no, no, no, no, hold on, because I

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Speaker 1: researched this because my man's ten years older and he

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Speaker 1: wouldn't and I was he always talked about because I'm

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Speaker 1: ten years younger. And it says millennial was like seventy

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Google it. It's I think it's like

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Speaker 1: seventy nine. Basically, we don't know what the millennials just

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Speaker 1: a state of mind. Okay, I would say between between

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Speaker 1: mid twenties two late thirties would be I would agree

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Speaker 1: with you, yeah, which would be about the millennials. Okay,

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Speaker 1: do you want the real answer? Yes? Go ahead, Okay,

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Speaker 1: early nineteen eighties, UM to mid nineteen nineties, early two

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Speaker 1: thousand's Okay, yeah, that's about as early as nineteen eighty

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Speaker 1: one to nineteen nineties sixty. There we go eighty one

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Speaker 1: to ninety six. So this really um, this I guess

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Speaker 1: conversation is kind of going to apply to so many

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Speaker 1: of you guys. I guess before we get started to

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Speaker 1: instead of doing an icebreaker, because it's gonna be pretty

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Speaker 1: pretty PG thirteen ish. Apparently she has an eleven year

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Speaker 1: old daughter, and I don't know how to be even

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Speaker 1: PG so do not let Mandy watch like sexual filter

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Speaker 1: at all. But I didn't know, like what you can.

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Speaker 1: I cannot stay around a kid because I feel like

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Speaker 1: these conversations need to be had. So me and her

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Speaker 1: daughter were watching the vim as and this is not

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Speaker 1: what I'm talking about. I know, well I'm gonna what

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna bring it up. So we're talking and I

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Speaker 1: see the girl like kind of Caballo or whatever her

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Speaker 1: name is, and so we're talking about Fifth Harmony. I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, yeah, one of them date ty Dolla

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Speaker 1: Sign and I was really heartbroken because I'm followed him

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Speaker 1: because he posted so much of him and this girl,

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Speaker 1: and so she tells me she updates. She's like, I

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Speaker 1: think they broke up. I'm fill the bathroom like with

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Speaker 1: the door close, listening, not saying anything. So she's not

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Speaker 1: saying I'm literally talking to her eleven year old daughter

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Speaker 1: like oh my god. So we're looking on Google about

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Speaker 1: why they broke up. We're looking up his instagram, her

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Speaker 1: instagram like, oh my god, all the pictures have been deleted.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, dang, he's saying now he's fine.

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Speaker 1: I'm about to slide at his DM and we literally

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Speaker 1: were just talking within Yeah, she also just entered middle school,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, yeah, that was probably here we go.

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Speaker 1: So I just just like my daughter, she is eleven.

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Speaker 1: She's very mature. A lot of my friends forget that

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Speaker 1: she's eleven, and my daughter will look at you and

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Speaker 1: listen to you. It's like whatever you tell her, like really,

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Speaker 1: like she didn't she's older. Anyways, She's talking about how

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Speaker 1: she just got into middle school and um Mandy, she's

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Speaker 1: just like walking around like, oh, I remember middle school.

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Speaker 1: I was getting my titty sucked on in eighth grade.

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Speaker 1: You did not, man, Oh my god. I cross. I

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Speaker 1: was just like in middle school, that's when you do

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Speaker 1: start like experience, like that's where I had my first

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Speaker 1: tone kiss my friends were getting finger pops. I had

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Speaker 1: my nipples. Say that to a fucking eleven arld that

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Speaker 1: just entered sixth grade. You want her to be you

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Speaker 1: want her to be open with you when that happens

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Speaker 1: very forward. I wasn't ready for her to say were

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Speaker 1: sucked on? Yeah. I talked to my nine year old

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Speaker 1: and like, not, I don't go that far with it. No,

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Speaker 1: that's a little bit much. My daughter just stared at me,

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Speaker 1: like because the last time she came, she says some

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Speaker 1: crazy fucking wild ship. I said. She was on face

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Speaker 1: time with somebody I don't know, you know, one of

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Speaker 1: her lovers, not lovers, And she was just saying, actually,

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Speaker 1: do you remember that? And then Adriana and my daughter

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Speaker 1: named ag it was yes, it was him, it was

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Speaker 1: him last night. Um well he was drunk and wanting

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Speaker 1: me like this, just like I just my daughter just

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Speaker 1: doesn't stay at the house. So she doesn't like Mandy

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Speaker 1: because she can't stay home because she likes talking to Maddy,

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Speaker 1: but I just can't filter her. Oh yeah, like me

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Speaker 1: and Hart will be talking and I'll be like I'll

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Speaker 1: be like, Adriana, cover your ears, and she's covering them.

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Speaker 1: But it's like, girl, I know you hear us. That's

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Speaker 1: cute that you're covering your ears. So that's real cute. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so we're gonna get into our vanilla ship. Vanilla ship,

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Speaker 1: if you guys are listening for the very first time,

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Speaker 1: is our sex in the news segment. So this one

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Speaker 1: I picked especially for you as a dating coach because

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Speaker 1: I would love to know what your thoughts are on this.

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Speaker 1: So this comes from Mirror Online. It says that sex

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Speaker 1: on the first date is important if you want a

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Speaker 1: serious relationship. Yes, so a listening counters dot Com, the

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Speaker 1: UK's leading dating site for married people, has shared its

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Speaker 1: staggering research into sex on the first date. If you

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Speaker 1: want a serious relationship, sex on the first date is crucial.

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Speaker 1: According to new research, more than a third of men

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Speaker 1: found love after sleeping with their partner on the first date.

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Speaker 1: It has led um to a proper relationship for thirty

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Speaker 1: six percent of women a percent of men, but women

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Speaker 1: are slightly more weary than men of partners who wants

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Speaker 1: to jump into bed straight away. Um, I guess I

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Speaker 1: wanted to know what your thoughts were on if dating

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Speaker 1: on the first night is a tell tell fine, that

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Speaker 1: you could or could not be in a serious relationship

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Speaker 1: with that person. I wish we can like record your

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Speaker 1: face expression. I'm not good at yeah, I'm not good

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Speaker 1: Like no poker face for me. No, I just see

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Speaker 1: that study. I don't know who they were they were

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Speaker 1: talking to. But here's what I'll say. I would never

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Speaker 1: tell a client you will not end up in a

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Speaker 1: relationship if you have sex on the first date. It

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Speaker 1: can happen, and it does happen all the time. But

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to help people move into relationships that are

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Speaker 1: going to last. And statistically speaking, you're much more likely

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Speaker 1: to have the relationship last if you practice slow love

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Speaker 1: and if you get to know them over time. Now,

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Speaker 1: I'm not really here for this like ninety days, like

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Speaker 1: Steve Harvey says, that's a little bit much somewhere in between,

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Speaker 1: but I I feel like you have to if you

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Speaker 1: want to be in a relationship, like you you could

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Speaker 1: just go on an app and have sex and that's fine,

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Speaker 1: But if you want it to move into relationship, I

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Speaker 1: feel like you have to be at that point where

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Speaker 1: there's still a little bit of mystery left, because once

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Speaker 1: you have sex, the question of are we going to

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Speaker 1: have sex. When are we gonna have sex? What's it

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Speaker 1: gonna be? Like, it's already answered, and that just takes

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Speaker 1: all of the anticipation. It's crazy that you said that,

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Speaker 1: because to me, I do have kind of the thought

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Speaker 1: process of, Okay, let me get sex out of the way,

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Speaker 1: because now I know if we're continuing after the sex

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Speaker 1: has gone, now you are finding other reasons to be

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Speaker 1: around outside of just sex, Like we're having conversations. But

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Speaker 1: it's not you manipulating your answers based on sex. No,

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Speaker 1: why does that? Why does that not make sense? How

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Speaker 1: are you getting sex out the way first? Because like

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Speaker 1: you're doing it backwards. Okay, So here's what I understand

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Speaker 1: what you're saying. You're saying, you're saying, if you've already

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Speaker 1: had sex, then it's like, well, what else is there?

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Speaker 1: If you're still sticking around, you're just trying to get

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Speaker 1: me right. Well, well, and that's the thing, so listen,

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Speaker 1: hear me out saying, and for and for the listeners

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Speaker 1: who are who are on board with you. To me,

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Speaker 1: when you're dating somebody, I feel like that's where maybe

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Speaker 1: the manipulation even comes in on the male side of things,

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Speaker 1: because they're doing things the right way in order to

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Speaker 1: get you into bed. So the dating, the maybe things

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Speaker 1: they say as far as what their relationship status is,

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Speaker 1: like all of the things that you ask when you're

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Speaker 1: dating somebody, they're probably gonna give you more answers that

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Speaker 1: that they're gonna want to get you into bed with.

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Speaker 1: So if you guys have sex already and the conversation continues,

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Speaker 1: you can now probably be more of yourself to this

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Speaker 1: person because now you're no longer just trying to get

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Speaker 1: laid or get this person in bed that's already happened.

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Speaker 1: Does that not make sense? So? I think, and to

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Speaker 1: me because it makes sense, Like there's just so many

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Speaker 1: different ways to get into a relationship that that it

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Speaker 1: makes sense. But it's like, I just don't find that

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Speaker 1: being the healthiest way to get into a relationship. It's

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Speaker 1: also weird because I just met someone. Um, shout out

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Speaker 1: to you, Joe Budden, because I found possibly, um a

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Speaker 1: love interest at your pool party, sir. That was amazing. Um.

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Speaker 1: But the guy that I did meet at his fool party,

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Speaker 1: we've been talking and that's kind of the thing that

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Speaker 1: we both realized, Like when we realize we like someone

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Speaker 1: or we may want them for more than sex. We

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Speaker 1: tend to wait on sex. And He's like, every time

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Speaker 1: I've done that, it still hasn't happened, Like it hasn't

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Speaker 1: about that, But don't you love that magic and adding

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Speaker 1: to know someone and and the anticipation. I just like

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Speaker 1: to be taste. See, And you know I don't even

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Speaker 1: like heads, so now you're just doing the head a chase.

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Speaker 1: Oh I heard taste? No, but I mean I like

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Speaker 1: that too. I just said, what the fun that I

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Speaker 1: just said. I don't know why I heard taste. I

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Speaker 1: really don't know, because that's where your mind is when

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Speaker 1: it comes to a relationship up. I will say for

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Speaker 1: gay mail clients that I've worked with, they say, for them,

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Speaker 1: it's that is so important. The sexual dynamic is so

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Speaker 1: important that a lot of them do end up meeting

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Speaker 1: on a dating app. They have sex first and then

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Speaker 1: the relationship develops. It's I'm kind of talking. Yeah, well,

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Speaker 1: Dustin and a Sante shout out to them. They say

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Speaker 1: that I'm a black gay male at heart, so that's

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Speaker 1: probably yeah, no, that's probably why I am just definitely

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Speaker 1: like what sex is a large component to me, and

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Speaker 1: I genuinely don't feel like I could be in a

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Speaker 1: long term relationship with someone if the sex is bad.

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Speaker 1: I also don't want to get into a relationship with

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Speaker 1: someone who I like, because I talked about this with Fellombay.

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Speaker 1: Fellombay was perfect. I loved being around him, his company. Okay,

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Speaker 1: financially he wasn't where I needed them to be. But

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Speaker 1: outside of that, I knew that I would still probably

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Speaker 1: need to get pleased from or find sexual from. Don't

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Speaker 1: do this, um, but I just don't want to get

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Speaker 1: into a relationship knowing that I'm going to have to

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Speaker 1: get something else because you're lacking it from someone else.

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Speaker 1: Because then, okay, we just need to talk about not

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Speaker 1: being monogamous. And that's also just a hard conversation to

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Speaker 1: have about the gate as well. I just see that's

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Speaker 1: why I feel like she's not ready to be in

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Speaker 1: a relationship, because there's a lot of compromise. But it

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Speaker 1: means also you haven't been in a relationship with the

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Speaker 1: person that you want to go on that journey with.

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Speaker 1: And and when you are in a relationship with someone

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Speaker 1: that you you want to continue to get to know better,

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Speaker 1: you want to know on a deeper level. The sex

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Speaker 1: does evolve as well, like this, I've been with my

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Speaker 1: husband but long sixteen years. Yeah, but like the first

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Speaker 1: time we had sex, like if I had judged, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I feel that. So if the sex is bad, you

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Speaker 1: guys have continued to try to keep going. And I

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Speaker 1: don't want to say it was bad, but just you know,

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Speaker 1: it just happened. And if you're in a relationship with someone,

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Speaker 1: you work on your sexual dynamic as well as the

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Speaker 1: other elements of the relationship, and that being in that

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Speaker 1: that kind of relationship where you have you have mutual trust,

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Speaker 1: you can you can talk about anything, you can ask

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Speaker 1: for anything, and it's not weird or on more than sex.

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Speaker 1: It's a friendship. It's just like it's like it's like

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Speaker 1: your Carla, but a man version that you want to fuck. Okay,

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Speaker 1: don't bring up Carla because everyone thinks we already because

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Speaker 1: I know I was saying, I'm trying to like put

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Speaker 1: them together. Like you know how you love talking to

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Speaker 1: carl all the time, even though she you're always with her,

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Speaker 1: Like imagine that just being like not Carla, but like

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Speaker 1: the relationship that you have with her in a man

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Speaker 1: It's so hard for me too. That makes sense In

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Speaker 1: my I mean, it just makes I think it's hard

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Speaker 1: for me because I'm big on, like building platonic relationships

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Speaker 1: with men. So when I find someone that I want

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Speaker 1: as a friend to me, sex or the idea of

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Speaker 1: relationships can ruin that friendship. And we talked about this too.

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Speaker 1: I feel like my friendships are above everything, so I

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Speaker 1: put my friends before should I put my friends before family? Like,

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Speaker 1: my friendships are like everything to me, So I don't

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Speaker 1: really like we were having the conversation. If my friends

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Speaker 1: want to go on a trip, I don't care if

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Speaker 1: I have a boyfriend, Hey, I'm going on a trip.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to feel like I have to ask

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Speaker 1: permission or tell someone what I'm doing every now and then.

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Speaker 1: Like there's just so many things about relations right right,

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Speaker 1: And I mean there's also a danger in making your

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Speaker 1: partner your everything. A lot of times people say that

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Speaker 1: talk about you, but I know I would love to

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Speaker 1: hear about this because that's the thing that I feel

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Speaker 1: like does happen with a lot of my friends. As

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Speaker 1: soon as they do get in a relationship, they cut

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Speaker 1: everyone off or they're only talking, they're venting about the

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Speaker 1: sour things of relationships. So you literally only hear about

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Speaker 1: when they're going through something negative with a relationship. Other

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Speaker 1: than that, when you get into a relationship, you're like

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Speaker 1: cut you cut off your friends. But also, I refer

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Speaker 1: to it as like a Yelp review, which is why

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Speaker 1: it's hard to it's hard to like gauge what people

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Speaker 1: think of things because they only bring up when they

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Speaker 1: really really hate something, like if you really hate the

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Speaker 1: service somewhere, you're like, I'm going to leave an awfully

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Speaker 1: up review. This was awful. But when things are going well,

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Speaker 1: you don't feel the need to really tell people, Hey,

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Speaker 1: it's going well. There are plenty of five starry Yelp reviews. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: looks really good. You talk about that too. So when

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Speaker 1: it's really good, and that's normally the puppy dog phase,

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Speaker 1: But what about if it's a three or I find

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Speaker 1: myself complaining talking about relationship when I'm irritated. I don't

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Speaker 1: talk about it when I'm when I'm happy, because then

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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm gloating. And it's like, Oh, I

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Speaker 1: have a boyfriend and or fiance, and you know he

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Speaker 1: does all the stuff for me, he's so amazing. You're like, okay,

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Speaker 1: good bitch. But when you tell them like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: he's so fucking annoying, like he just will not let

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Speaker 1: me go somewhere. And then it's like, oh, it's interesting,

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Speaker 1: Like I cannot believe he won't let you go anywhere, Stacy,

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Speaker 1: you need to lead, you know, just but but I

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Speaker 1: feel like, but why is that? Yeah, but it's not

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Speaker 1: only that, Like you even said that as someone who

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Speaker 1: gets into a relationship when your partner, when you're with

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Speaker 1: your partner, you become a hermit crab and you decide, Okay, well,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to spend time with my friends because

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Speaker 1: now I want to spend all of my time with

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Speaker 1: my lover or my boyfriend, and that becomes to me.

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Speaker 1: To me, that's kind of toxic in a sense. And

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Speaker 1: so what what have you seemed to be the reason

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Speaker 1: that people kind of distance themselves from friends and family

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Speaker 1: when they get into relationships. Okay, that's really two questions.

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Speaker 1: So the first question is why do people expect their

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Speaker 1: partner to be everything? And I think actually dating apps

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Speaker 1: and online dating is a part of that, because now

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Speaker 1: our dating pool is as wide as the worlds. It

352
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Speaker 1: used to just be people you knew, people, your mama

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Speaker 1: knew like anyone that was in your immediate circle. Now

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Speaker 1: you can find your ideal match anywhere, and if they're

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Speaker 1: not ideal, then you swipe onto the next. And so

356
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:11,359
Speaker 1: now our expectation level has gone right, like our life

357
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Speaker 1: is back next. Yeah, and well, and that's how it's

358
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Speaker 1: been for me with dating apps. It does happen, Yeah,

359
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Speaker 1: I absolutely so. We're gonna go ahead and get into

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Speaker 1: our kink of the week. Guys. This one is pretty vanilla.

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Speaker 1: So for you guys who are not into like swap

362
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Speaker 1: spinning and cream pies, this may be for you. So

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Speaker 1: the kink of the week for this weekend I would

364
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Speaker 1: love to see maybe if you can guess just off

365
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,280
Speaker 1: of the Latin roots. This is what we do with

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Speaker 1: our live show sometimes. So the kink of the week

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Speaker 1: is Melolagnia. What do you think Melolagnia stands for? Oh

368
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Speaker 1: my god, use the Latin root lag That ain't he's

369
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Speaker 1: looking at me. I'm looking at her too. I don't

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Speaker 1: even have a guess. Melanagnia. Yes, it's maybe mel like melanin.

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00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:12,399
Speaker 1: That's so cute. I don't know. Can I give you

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Speaker 1: a hint? Okay, ask me for a hint. Melan like

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Speaker 1: a melody. Well that's pretty much. She still doesn't melan

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Speaker 1: is actually the arousal from music. And I wanted to

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Speaker 1: bring this up because I actually have been seeing that

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Speaker 1: more and more when I watch porn. I hate porn music,

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Speaker 1: but I like music that plays that I've had playing,

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Speaker 1: maybe while I've had sex. So I wanted to know

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Speaker 1: if there is any music or songs that turn you on.

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Speaker 1: I had this boyfriend in college that would always play

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Speaker 1: Byork Weird. First, I know it's weird. I was like,

382
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Speaker 1: this is so straight. I know. I think you knew

383
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Speaker 1: because you mean is that like she's um like this

384
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:07,560
Speaker 1: Ice sing it? I know you know the song because

385
00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:09,439
Speaker 1: you had sex to it. No, it's a lot of

386
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Speaker 1: like kind of electronic sounding like sense you don't know,

387
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:16,040
Speaker 1: but I would. It would not be what I would

388
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Speaker 1: think because it's there's nothing in it that's sexual, but

389
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:23,080
Speaker 1: there was something about it. And maybe you like toxicate

390
00:21:23,119 --> 00:21:25,520
Speaker 1: because that was my thing. No, okay, no, but it was.

391
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Speaker 1: I'm turned on by music when I'm drunk. Okay, what

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Speaker 1: so like, what songs gets you to where, oh my god,

393
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Speaker 1: I want to have sex to Not honestly, you don't

394
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Speaker 1: you don't like it, but I really love drags on

395
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Speaker 1: like it makes me so hard, like that would make me.

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Speaker 1: That does not make that actually drive noting scanning, okay,

397
00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:49,199
Speaker 1: that it's like very sexual. They'd be talking about how

398
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Speaker 1: they're gonna eat you or pussy and fuck you and like, yeah,

399
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,520
Speaker 1: there it's really sexual, like oh, I want your fucking

400
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:59,399
Speaker 1: titties in my mouth. But this isn't like aish like

401
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:02,959
Speaker 1: a tan. It's Spanish language. When so singing, how does

402
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:06,240
Speaker 1: it go? Say something really raunchy in Spanish that turns

403
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:07,800
Speaker 1: you on, but it's in Spanish. Let me see if

404
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:13,160
Speaker 1: it sounds sexy. No, no, no, that's what it sounds like.

405
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:17,640
Speaker 1: That's the be for you to sing too. No, I don't.

406
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:23,200
Speaker 1: I can't pressure thing. Okay, name that tune. O, come on,

407
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:32,480
Speaker 1: I'm nervous sela um to me. It's I'm cool with

408
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:35,160
Speaker 1: fucking that. Actually it's weird like hip hop can be

409
00:22:35,359 --> 00:22:37,360
Speaker 1: on Like there's of course, you all know, I watch

410
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,520
Speaker 1: porn and there's like a few scenes like the amateur

411
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:47,400
Speaker 1: ones gay porn and the Korean porn that's cool pop

412
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,560
Speaker 1: and so the amateur porn they actually have a lot

413
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Speaker 1: of the music playing in the background, so like hip hop,

414
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Speaker 1: like all your like young thug or like one of

415
00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:00,160
Speaker 1: them actually plays who is it? Um damn? I think

416
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:03,440
Speaker 1: it opens with bow wow. Oh it's the first thing

417
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,240
Speaker 1: I think about you when it's all in my mind.

418
00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:09,439
Speaker 1: I said that. It just was like, oh, let's go

419
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Speaker 1: and seen. Um No, but I think I really do

420
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:15,720
Speaker 1: like R and B. I really like R and B,

421
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Speaker 1: and I actually like Donald Jones, or like I like

422
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Speaker 1: honest Chris Old, Chris Brown? What is that song? That

423
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:25,719
Speaker 1: sex me song? What is it by Chris Brown? Oh? Well,

424
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:28,280
Speaker 1: apparently I said it really wrong. I said, lay you

425
00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,320
Speaker 1: down on my thing, and it's take you down, So

426
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:35,679
Speaker 1: I really let me take you down? That actually gets me.

427
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:37,760
Speaker 1: It makes my pussy. Look my my pussy is wet

428
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:41,479
Speaker 1: right now as we're talking. U. No, but I do.

429
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:44,720
Speaker 1: I do so for you guys who like listening to music,

430
00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:47,679
Speaker 1: maybe while you have sex, or if a song comes

431
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,760
Speaker 1: on and you're like, oh my god, now I need

432
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:52,840
Speaker 1: to hop on dick. Um, how about you write us

433
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 1: and I would love to maybe start some sort of

434
00:23:54,840 --> 00:24:01,000
Speaker 1: um sex playlists for us right check out. Maybe we'll

435
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:07,479
Speaker 1: add J O, R K B J. There you go.

436
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:10,040
Speaker 1: It was in it. So we're gonna now get into

437
00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:14,320
Speaker 1: our horrible decisions. So guys, take out your pens, your pencils,

438
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:17,359
Speaker 1: type on your work computers because I know y'all are

439
00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:19,960
Speaker 1: at your desks, but apparently not all of you are.

440
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:23,359
Speaker 1: So get your notes out on your phone and oh okay,

441
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:27,199
Speaker 1: that's little dots and stuff. Um, so get ready to

442
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:29,800
Speaker 1: take notes. We are going to talk about the mistakes

443
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:34,320
Speaker 1: of not only online dating, but getting through the era

444
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:38,080
Speaker 1: of online dating as a millennial and maybe the mistakes

445
00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:40,720
Speaker 1: that we're making and how we can go about doing

446
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:46,080
Speaker 1: this ship successfully because is there a way that there

447
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:48,800
Speaker 1: is to be successful? Many of my clients have done it.

448
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:51,080
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you how I love this. So let's

449
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:54,159
Speaker 1: start it off. Like, um, Demonel literally hit me and

450
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:57,120
Speaker 1: was like, let's talk about sucking mistakes and dumb online

451
00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:02,760
Speaker 1: dating and and it was all capitals she said, online dating. Yeah, yeah,

452
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:04,879
Speaker 1: she literally and it was a capital. It makes a

453
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,359
Speaker 1: lot of sense for the millennials because I have a

454
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:11,120
Speaker 1: lot of friends not pointing anything, but I have other

455
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:14,040
Speaker 1: friends too that they don't know how to date or

456
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 1: date on't They just don't know how to date? So

457
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:19,920
Speaker 1: what what is? What? Is dumb online dating. You definitely

458
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:23,080
Speaker 1: wrote that, what do you consider online dating? Well, there's

459
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:26,800
Speaker 1: a lot of online dating dating app mistakes that people make.

460
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:29,800
Speaker 1: I think overall, people first want to blame the app.

461
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:33,960
Speaker 1: They're like, oh, dating apps don't work, and it's likely

462
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:36,240
Speaker 1: been on all the dating apps and none of them work.

463
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:39,000
Speaker 1: Maybe the problem is in the dating app personnel problems.

464
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:43,359
Speaker 1: But it's not necessarily that you're the problem. It's the

465
00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:45,640
Speaker 1: way that you're putting yourself out there that's the problem. Right,

466
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,520
Speaker 1: just read me because I literally just deleted all of

467
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 1: my god damn dating appen because it's not working. And

468
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:53,320
Speaker 1: I was like, this is not working. But now I

469
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:57,240
Speaker 1: feel like you're reading me because maybe I'm not working damn. Okay. Well,

470
00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:00,200
Speaker 1: it's also like figuring out what do you want out

471
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:02,400
Speaker 1: of it? If you do you want is it? Are

472
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:03,760
Speaker 1: you doing it for sex? Are you doing it for

473
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:07,160
Speaker 1: a relationship? What is your goal? And then we work

474
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,240
Speaker 1: backwards to figure out, well, what how are you presenting yourself?

475
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,199
Speaker 1: What pictures are you choosing, what you what is your

476
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:16,480
Speaker 1: profile saying about you? And then how are you moving

477
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,360
Speaker 1: yourself in the direction of what you really want? Okay,

478
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:23,399
Speaker 1: so what are I guess the common mistakes that we

479
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 1: do um to lead to someone like me who has

480
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:29,840
Speaker 1: been very unsuccessful with online dating. A lot of times

481
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:33,359
Speaker 1: people choose pictures that they think someone else will think

482
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:36,960
Speaker 1: is attractive. They'll just choose a generic photo that is

483
00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:41,879
Speaker 1: like everybody will like this, and there You're better off

484
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:45,280
Speaker 1: having a profile that fewer people respond to, but that

485
00:26:45,359 --> 00:26:48,240
Speaker 1: the right people respond to then trying to catch everybody

486
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:51,679
Speaker 1: in your inbox. Right, So, cleavage photos are bad for

487
00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:53,879
Speaker 1: I guess for girls and guys, what would be the

488
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 1: number one mistake when choosing your photos? I would say

489
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:01,840
Speaker 1: cleavage photos are bad if you're looking to be in

490
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:07,199
Speaker 1: a relationship because immediately you know the code is going

491
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:09,440
Speaker 1: to send a different message. You have to leave a

492
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:12,280
Speaker 1: little bit of mystery. But I actually use little tricks.

493
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:16,160
Speaker 1: I use tricks, tricks on the mind that can get

494
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:19,800
Speaker 1: your profile noticed. So you you have to think about

495
00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:22,800
Speaker 1: the mentality from the other side of the coin, like

496
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:26,639
Speaker 1: who's looking at the profile? Right? So put yourself in

497
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:28,600
Speaker 1: their shoes? And you know how you swipe on an

498
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:32,359
Speaker 1: app right, it's just like picture, Picture, Picture picture. Hopefully

499
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 1: like some some right swipes, but a lot of left swipes.

500
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 1: And you're just going based on the primary picture and

501
00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:47,479
Speaker 1: basically the one sentence bio, right, So that primary picture

502
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 1: is everything. And so many times people create a profile

503
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:53,639
Speaker 1: and they're just like, well, I just want to get online,

504
00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:55,159
Speaker 1: and I don't. I'm not really gonna put that much

505
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:56,639
Speaker 1: a loot into it. And here's some pictures on Instagram

506
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 1: and then they're on. So you have to really put

507
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:01,880
Speaker 1: thought into what you're saying with that first picture. And

508
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 1: I talked about using the three c's in your profile,

509
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,920
Speaker 1: three sees in your breaking be easy and it's gonna

510
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:12,680
Speaker 1: I'm gonna keep it clean. It's easy to remember. First

511
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:17,200
Speaker 1: C is color. Okay, it's been shown in studies and

512
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:23,200
Speaker 1: real studies, not like the ones earlier. Uh that particularly,

513
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:27,359
Speaker 1: men will respond to the color red differently than any

514
00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:31,199
Speaker 1: other color. Yeah, so if they see like they What

515
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:34,200
Speaker 1: they did in the study was they showed men pictures

516
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:36,720
Speaker 1: of women with different color borders around it, and they

517
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:41,600
Speaker 1: started rotating the same pictures back in with different color borders,

518
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:44,360
Speaker 1: and the men raid were rating the attractiveness of the

519
00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:47,040
Speaker 1: pictures of the women that they saw, and they rated

520
00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:49,920
Speaker 1: the women with the red border more attractive than the

521
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:53,880
Speaker 1: women with the green border even though the same picture.

522
00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:57,000
Speaker 1: And so if you think about it from a biological perspective,

523
00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:00,400
Speaker 1: red is is something that attracts, like we we put

524
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 1: red lipstick on because it doesn't right, it emulates what

525
00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:06,880
Speaker 1: happens you know in the in the animal kingdom, Like

526
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 1: we're animals, so you want to use the color red.

527
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:12,040
Speaker 1: Also think of like stop signs, you want them to

528
00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:17,320
Speaker 1: stop and actually go for that very Now we're gonna

529
00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:27,400
Speaker 1: see like ten thousand profiles. What is the second So

530
00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:30,080
Speaker 1: the second sea is context. This is telling your life

531
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:32,120
Speaker 1: story through your photos. Like if you just have a

532
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:35,120
Speaker 1: bunch of bikini shots where you're like high angle, if

533
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:37,680
Speaker 1: the beach, if that's telling you, I like to go

534
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:39,360
Speaker 1: to the beach. If it's telling you I like the beach,

535
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:43,680
Speaker 1: that's great. But it can't be every shot bikini that

536
00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 1: would be that would be the picture to your bikini. Right.

537
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,440
Speaker 1: But you want to have throughout your profile, you know

538
00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:54,200
Speaker 1: about five six photos max, Like you don't need to

539
00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:57,520
Speaker 1: tell your entire life story. This is not your timeline

540
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:00,960
Speaker 1: that this is your dating profile. And I'm not a

541
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:04,960
Speaker 1: huge fan. While we're on the subject of linking your Instagram,

542
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:06,880
Speaker 1: I agree, I don't do it. I'm not. I'm not.

543
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:10,280
Speaker 1: It's too much information. That's a ton of information. And

544
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:13,680
Speaker 1: then especially for me, like I like to appear as

545
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:17,200
Speaker 1: normal as possible while I'm on dating apps, and of

546
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 1: course the k behind my name on Instagram and the

547
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:23,640
Speaker 1: abundance of photos I do have and some a lot

548
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 1: of Nikini's now. Um, but I feel like it would

549
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:30,080
Speaker 1: give them a different idea about me to look Yeah,

550
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:40,400
Speaker 1: calm down. I don't know. So I'm thinking that's probably

551
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:42,960
Speaker 1: the sand in the beach. I wanter, you know, probably

552
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 1: I don't connect my Instagram. Um, I don't know what

553
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:51,240
Speaker 1: the thirds is. But while we're on context of photos,

554
00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:54,840
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask your thoughts between selfies and full

555
00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 1: body images what you feel like, because I feel like

556
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:02,800
Speaker 1: that's my problem because I so I swipe girls as well,

557
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:05,280
Speaker 1: but I am shallow. I'm just as shallow with women

558
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:08,440
Speaker 1: as I am with men. And I don't know if

559
00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:11,720
Speaker 1: I want to necessarily swipe someone who is only from

560
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:14,600
Speaker 1: the neck up, because then I feel like, Okay, you're

561
00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:17,640
Speaker 1: hiding something. So are my profile? Are multiple pictures? I

562
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:19,280
Speaker 1: can't you just have? Yeah, But a lot of people

563
00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:23,120
Speaker 1: still like the don't anything. They don't. They're they should

564
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:27,040
Speaker 1: probably have three types of pictures they put right maybe okay, yeah,

565
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:32,240
Speaker 1: well dating coaching certific Yeah, so dating. So I guess

566
00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:34,120
Speaker 1: the types of photos before we get into the third.

567
00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:36,920
Speaker 1: See how many should be selfies? How many should be

568
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:41,400
Speaker 1: full body? Especially the woman only you only need one

569
00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 1: full body, but you o, you do need one full body,

570
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:46,120
Speaker 1: and by full body you don't. It doesn't have to

571
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:48,520
Speaker 1: be like literally head to toe, it has to be

572
00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:51,400
Speaker 1: three quarters like that. You want to see the whole

573
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:54,000
Speaker 1: gud damned body. I ain't swiping from three couters either,

574
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:56,239
Speaker 1: let me see that, let me see if you got

575
00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:59,120
Speaker 1: some that or something like, I would like to see

576
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:01,320
Speaker 1: the full body. But I say that because I remember

577
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:05,080
Speaker 1: I was more self conscious when I was bigger, um

578
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:07,600
Speaker 1: at putting full body, saying I would just put self

579
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 1: like I just started just taking faith selfies. Actually yeah,

580
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:13,840
Speaker 1: And so maybe for someone who's not into bigger women

581
00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:17,520
Speaker 1: like my face can photograph very thin sometimes and so

582
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:21,640
Speaker 1: especially oh girl, that was that's my whole thing. So

583
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:24,040
Speaker 1: that's where I go to where maybe you even feel

584
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:26,800
Speaker 1: like you you're getting catfished when you meet someone it's

585
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:28,520
Speaker 1: like WHOA she looks nothing like her pictures. But then

586
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:30,800
Speaker 1: you go back and you realize, oh, well she didn't

587
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:33,600
Speaker 1: even have full body pictures. Well, a little bit on that.

588
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,800
Speaker 1: We have expectations that we bring into the date when

589
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:39,400
Speaker 1: we meet someone offline, which is one of the reasons

590
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:42,640
Speaker 1: just sidebar will come back to the third seed. But

591
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:47,080
Speaker 1: another mistake is having conversations that go on and on

592
00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 1: online and then waiting months or or sometimes even years

593
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:56,280
Speaker 1: to actually move online Like that's why catfish is a thing,

594
00:32:56,480 --> 00:33:00,440
Speaker 1: because people are having these fantasy relationships that are actually

595
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:03,120
Speaker 1: happening in the real world. And online dating dating apps

596
00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:06,120
Speaker 1: work as it's just a tool. It's just a tool

597
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:09,040
Speaker 1: to connect you if you but you have to actually

598
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:11,720
Speaker 1: meet face to face to know if it's a real relation.

599
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:14,640
Speaker 1: So for all of our listeners, um, both men and

600
00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 1: women who are swiping and in the messages currently doing

601
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:22,480
Speaker 1: online dating, how long what is the time frame do

602
00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:25,960
Speaker 1: you feel for someone to be in the app talking

603
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:29,360
Speaker 1: possibly now they're moved to text messages. How long do

604
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:30,960
Speaker 1: you think you should talk to someone that you met

605
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,840
Speaker 1: online dating before you actually meet in person? And one

606
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:37,720
Speaker 1: to seven days max? Seven days? Why is the max

607
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:41,440
Speaker 1: seven days? Oh, there's so many reasons. But one, you

608
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:45,440
Speaker 1: create anticipation for this person, and they can never be

609
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:47,840
Speaker 1: the person that you created in your mind. So they're

610
00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:49,960
Speaker 1: going through all your face shots and they're like, Oh,

611
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:52,520
Speaker 1: I wonder what her body is gonna look like, and

612
00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:54,600
Speaker 1: I wonder what her personality is gonna be, Like I

613
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:56,720
Speaker 1: wonder what she's gonna sound like. And you create this

614
00:33:56,800 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 1: whole fantasy and that person is then competing against the

615
00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:05,440
Speaker 1: image of who you created. So that's one reason. Another

616
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:09,200
Speaker 1: reason is that there's just so much volume right now. Yeah,

617
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:11,359
Speaker 1: I was gonna say that if you take too long

618
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:14,239
Speaker 1: to meet me, weaving the good and bad. Yeah, but

619
00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:18,959
Speaker 1: even if you take too long for I'll forget about

620
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:21,600
Speaker 1: you because because we haven't met, I'm still going to

621
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:25,520
Speaker 1: probably be actively swiping. And so now we're at the

622
00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:27,839
Speaker 1: seven day mark, and you may have been the only

623
00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:30,560
Speaker 1: person I swiped seven days ago, but now since then,

624
00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:33,680
Speaker 1: I've met three other people that I've swiped chained dating

625
00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:35,239
Speaker 1: or something I have. Like I used to have a

626
00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:37,880
Speaker 1: lot of clients, especially older clients, that would date online

627
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,880
Speaker 1: all the time. But they literally they would set up

628
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:43,600
Speaker 1: dates like all week long, every and just like go

629
00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:46,240
Speaker 1: for ten minutes and one of them would ten minutes.

630
00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:48,600
Speaker 1: No one of them was a bit She was like, Okay,

631
00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:50,200
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go meet you for ten minutes. If I

632
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:52,000
Speaker 1: don't like you after ten minutes, and we're just gonna

633
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:55,640
Speaker 1: have the part ways. But she was like, so I

634
00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:58,520
Speaker 1: I will take a part of that. I tell my

635
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:01,560
Speaker 1: clients basically me an hour for the first date, an

636
00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:05,560
Speaker 1: hour and always coming from somewhere Starbucks or t dates,

637
00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:07,080
Speaker 1: just and then from there be like, okay, we can

638
00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:08,840
Speaker 1: go to lunch. Maybe you have but ten minutes is

639
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,239
Speaker 1: a little bit much, but yeah, I say, like have

640
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:15,719
Speaker 1: a drink, have coffee, go for ice cream, whatever, But

641
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:20,319
Speaker 1: you don't really need more than ninety minutes max. To

642
00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:22,560
Speaker 1: just see is this somebody that I want to see

643
00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:25,000
Speaker 1: again and see if you convibe with them. I like

644
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:28,040
Speaker 1: to think of it also again from their perspective, you

645
00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:31,040
Speaker 1: want that to leave them wanting more. If you talked

646
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:34,600
Speaker 1: about everything, and then the energy that you left the

647
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:37,120
Speaker 1: date on felt low, like it was like, oh well

648
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:38,839
Speaker 1: it was really good and I was really attracted them

649
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:40,920
Speaker 1: at first, but then we stayed for three hours and

650
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:43,040
Speaker 1: we ran out of things to talk about. That's what

651
00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:45,759
Speaker 1: they'll remember. I remember the low energy, and they'll be

652
00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:47,840
Speaker 1: like should I call her again? I don't know, and

653
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:51,640
Speaker 1: then swipe next. So if you leave the date feeling

654
00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:54,839
Speaker 1: like oh we just we just got started and now

655
00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:57,120
Speaker 1: and I always say be coming from somewhere and be

656
00:35:57,160 --> 00:36:00,600
Speaker 1: going to somewhere, and so then like you're is right

657
00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:03,640
Speaker 1: and saying like well, if to ten minutes now, I'm

658
00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:07,759
Speaker 1: coming or going to the gym, yeah exactly. And I

659
00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:10,240
Speaker 1: had always a pre date ritual when I was dating,

660
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:12,080
Speaker 1: like I would come from the gym and then I

661
00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:13,880
Speaker 1: would always say like, oh I have to meet up

662
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:15,319
Speaker 1: a friend with a friend, or I have to get

663
00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:18,520
Speaker 1: up early for work or whatever, or like oh my

664
00:36:18,560 --> 00:36:21,480
Speaker 1: mom's gonna call me anything. It could be literally anything.

665
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:24,120
Speaker 1: But if you set the expectation that the date's not

666
00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:27,479
Speaker 1: gonna last for the whole night and then you then

667
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:29,680
Speaker 1: then when it comes time for the day to end,

668
00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:32,600
Speaker 1: they're not like, oh, well this bitch kick made the

669
00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:36,880
Speaker 1: curb after I actually really like that's a little a

670
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:41,160
Speaker 1: little dating thing too. I used to always I don't wonder,

671
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:43,399
Speaker 1: what do you think about this? I would always bring

672
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:47,560
Speaker 1: a friend on it. Now now no, I literally just

673
00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:49,359
Speaker 1: talked about this on an episode and I'm not sure

674
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:52,080
Speaker 1: if we dropped it, but to me, as soon as

675
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:55,239
Speaker 1: I bring a friend on a date, I'm it's the

676
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:58,120
Speaker 1: epitome of friend zoning somebody. It's the epitome of this

677
00:36:58,200 --> 00:37:00,440
Speaker 1: is no longer. I just see how you vey to me,

678
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:04,080
Speaker 1: and then if I don't like you first date, Okay, okay,

679
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:05,600
Speaker 1: well I think I would just do that with guys

680
00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:06,960
Speaker 1: that I'm like, I don't know if I want. Yeah,

681
00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying to me, it's not a date.

682
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:10,239
Speaker 1: Then I literally will bring a friend if I don't

683
00:37:10,239 --> 00:37:12,560
Speaker 1: want them to think it's not a date. At that point,

684
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:15,720
Speaker 1: it's a group outing. So as we're talking about millennial dating,

685
00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:18,600
Speaker 1: that is also one of the biggest challenges this is

686
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:22,880
Speaker 1: this is dumb offline dating group dates. It's like, I

687
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:26,000
Speaker 1: don't date where you don't know your date or hang out.

688
00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:30,120
Speaker 1: You know, it's creates too much confusion. What is the purpose?

689
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:33,840
Speaker 1: But then it would date into like a single day afterwards.

690
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:40,440
Speaker 1: I disagree. Okay, well whatever, I think you're gonna like

691
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:44,920
Speaker 1: the third day, because I think this might unlock the

692
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:50,160
Speaker 1: whole dating app world for you. It is not it's

693
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:55,520
Speaker 1: character's actually showing your personality, showing the wild side of

694
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:59,800
Speaker 1: you that wants the character of the dick right and

695
00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:06,840
Speaker 1: I need that to get kicked off the later you

696
00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:13,560
Speaker 1: can see the character that but you show don't be

697
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:15,719
Speaker 1: afraid of that part of you because that's and I

698
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:17,359
Speaker 1: know you've talked about that on the show before too,

699
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 1: Like letting that be an element of your profile. It

700
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:23,440
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be every picture is crazy, but letting

701
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:27,239
Speaker 1: that part of your personality that's different from everybody else

702
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:29,960
Speaker 1: come through in your profile. And this is what this

703
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 1: is the biggest dating at mistake. I see people are

704
00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:36,560
Speaker 1: trying to be something to everybody, but they are not

705
00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:39,080
Speaker 1: trying to bring themselves. Yeah, if you I'll put it

706
00:38:39,120 --> 00:38:42,960
Speaker 1: in like halloween pictures for clients goofy pictures to really

707
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:44,879
Speaker 1: to show their personality, to show their sense of humor,

708
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:47,319
Speaker 1: and then they're more likely to get a response on

709
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:49,560
Speaker 1: those because people see like, oh, I don't have to

710
00:38:49,680 --> 00:38:52,080
Speaker 1: be a certain thing for this person. I can just

711
00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:55,080
Speaker 1: come and be myself like that. Okay, So I don't

712
00:38:55,080 --> 00:38:58,040
Speaker 1: see your profile next and I don't even know, let

713
00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:00,600
Speaker 1: me see if I have, So I've really been just

714
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:05,200
Speaker 1: deleting these apps. Um oh yeah, and her profile too.

715
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 1: First off, calm down, They're good, But I don't have

716
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:12,319
Speaker 1: a dating app on my phone. Let me ask you

717
00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:15,840
Speaker 1: a question. What do you think about emojis in the bio?

718
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:18,560
Speaker 1: Hate it? Hate it? I think it's I think it's

719
00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:20,279
Speaker 1: child is just basically, I don't want to see a

720
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:23,360
Speaker 1: fucking palm tree a plane because the plane means you

721
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:27,840
Speaker 1: like traveling, a basketball because you liketball. It's like, no,

722
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:30,480
Speaker 1: I don't like even when people talk to me an emoji.

723
00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:34,239
Speaker 1: I don't know what can you speak like, like we

724
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:41,080
Speaker 1: can emoji after a year? Maybe yeah, um, I mean

725
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:45,839
Speaker 1: maybe an emoji like at the end of a paragraph.

726
00:39:46,239 --> 00:39:48,000
Speaker 1: But I don't want to. I don't want to, like

727
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:51,640
Speaker 1: guess what you're into because you put fucking you know.

728
00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:55,560
Speaker 1: I just asked because I'm I. I usually said that,

729
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:59,200
Speaker 1: But I feel like communication is changing. This is what

730
00:39:59,239 --> 00:40:00,839
Speaker 1: I love about the fact that I've been doing this

731
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:03,759
Speaker 1: for so long. I've seen so many evolutions in the

732
00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:06,680
Speaker 1: way people use dating apps. But it's not It's not

733
00:40:06,719 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 1: like Hi, I'm Yolanda smiley emoji face like, I'm not

734
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:12,319
Speaker 1: Eve gonna lie. I want to go back to a

735
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:19,040
Speaker 1: s lp age sex let age sex like yeah, but um,

736
00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:21,440
Speaker 1: so to me. I think not only the dating apps,

737
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:25,320
Speaker 1: but um ship, people are now asking for your Snapchat

738
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:28,360
Speaker 1: before your number. I've noticed on the dating apps and

739
00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:31,560
Speaker 1: so and so when they get not personal No, but

740
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:33,680
Speaker 1: that's the thing too, Like when you get all of

741
00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:37,000
Speaker 1: these social media apps, you're now communicating via the dating app.

742
00:40:37,239 --> 00:40:40,200
Speaker 1: Now you guys may be gotten too exchanging Instagrams, so

743
00:40:40,239 --> 00:40:43,000
Speaker 1: now you're dmming each other. Then they asked for your Snapchat,

744
00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:46,600
Speaker 1: so now you're communicating via snap Nothing is personalized. And

745
00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:48,840
Speaker 1: you're having all these ways to communicate with me, But

746
00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:50,960
Speaker 1: yet you're not just picking up the phone and calling me.

747
00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:54,000
Speaker 1: You're not just doing the basic necessities of talking, which

748
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:56,600
Speaker 1: is what I'm seeing. People can have a full blown

749
00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:59,400
Speaker 1: conversation in text messages in these apps, and then you

750
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:03,080
Speaker 1: go on the day and it's fucking awkward. They don't

751
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,440
Speaker 1: know how to talk in person. Which is why I

752
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:08,560
Speaker 1: feel like it's it's hard to take that day off

753
00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:11,080
Speaker 1: of the app, because now you're meeting someone you guys

754
00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:13,880
Speaker 1: connected through text messages, you guys connected through the apps.

755
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:15,920
Speaker 1: You thought he was funny, and then you meet him

756
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:19,840
Speaker 1: and it's like he doesn't even know how to pity. Yeah,

757
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:22,200
Speaker 1: So well, I for a long time. I've had my

758
00:41:22,239 --> 00:41:26,400
Speaker 1: clients do a phone call before the date, in between

759
00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:32,360
Speaker 1: the texting and and I FaceTime. Oh no, not FaceTime.

760
00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:34,759
Speaker 1: And I'll tell you why, because you only get you

761
00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 1: only get once to make that first impression. You will

762
00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:40,400
Speaker 1: get one chance. So if you're just like, oh well,

763
00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:41,879
Speaker 1: we'll go and face him, because you're like, I gotta

764
00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:44,160
Speaker 1: check him out and make sure that he's not crazy,

765
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:47,520
Speaker 1: I want to check for catfish FaceTime someone, but yeah,

766
00:41:47,560 --> 00:41:49,480
Speaker 1: I might not even have my makeup done, and of course,

767
00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:50,880
Speaker 1: to me, I do want to put my best foot

768
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:57,880
Speaker 1: forward and forget. Oh no, definitely not don't. Yeah, so

769
00:41:58,040 --> 00:41:59,759
Speaker 1: you can't call anybody just out of the blue. So

770
00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:03,280
Speaker 1: I have I've met someone a Muslim Bay. We met

771
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:09,600
Speaker 1: on Unhinge. Yeah, so via Muslim Bay met on Hinge.

772
00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:12,239
Speaker 1: And it's ironic. I was literally just on there just

773
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:15,160
Speaker 1: to get fire rapid questions because the way Hinges set

774
00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:18,480
Speaker 1: up is super dope, like it's like ice breaker questions,

775
00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:20,839
Speaker 1: so you really get to learn the person a little

776
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:22,520
Speaker 1: bit more. So I was on there and I had

777
00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 1: a match. I matched him back and we literally were

778
00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:29,000
Speaker 1: like up all night in the app. Then exchange numbers

779
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:32,000
Speaker 1: and we're texting, and we planned a date almost immediately

780
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:34,759
Speaker 1: within the first week. He's like, if it goes beyond that,

781
00:42:34,880 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna probably lose interest. So let's set up

782
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:41,040
Speaker 1: a date. So we're talking, and before I set up

783
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:42,799
Speaker 1: a date, because he seems so cool, I was like,

784
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:44,360
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna face time you real quick, just to

785
00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:47,440
Speaker 1: see that you are who these pictures are and just

786
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:49,719
Speaker 1: a validate. I can't validate if you're a serial killer

787
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:51,080
Speaker 1: or not, but at least I can see if you

788
00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:53,000
Speaker 1: are who you say you are. And then I immediately

789
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:55,319
Speaker 1: hung up, So it wasn't a quick face time. It

790
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:57,680
Speaker 1: was just a verify that he was catfish. I don't

791
00:42:57,680 --> 00:42:59,680
Speaker 1: see why you can't do it that fast. You can

792
00:42:59,719 --> 00:43:02,359
Speaker 1: do it, but I would say I've always said, if

793
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:05,880
Speaker 1: you're gonna do any kind of video video chatting, you

794
00:43:05,920 --> 00:43:10,240
Speaker 1: gotta show up like you would on a date. So

795
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:12,560
Speaker 1: maybe you line them up back to back and then

796
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:14,120
Speaker 1: you know, you get your face on, you get your

797
00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:17,839
Speaker 1: lashes done by Stacy, and then you're like, all right,

798
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:20,520
Speaker 1: let me just let me just check in real quick

799
00:43:20,840 --> 00:43:23,239
Speaker 1: with each of them. So I mean, right now I'm

800
00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:25,239
Speaker 1: kind of on the fence about the phone call, because

801
00:43:25,239 --> 00:43:27,040
Speaker 1: I know a lot of people are like, oh, it's

802
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:29,839
Speaker 1: just so much work. But I find my clients do not.

803
00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:33,359
Speaker 1: They do not get ghosted on the first date. They

804
00:43:33,400 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 1: do not um end up sitting across from someone that

805
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:40,160
Speaker 1: they thought was really funny and actually can't carry on

806
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:43,080
Speaker 1: a conversation. And it only needs to be like ten minutes,

807
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:46,040
Speaker 1: like just to see do the things that you say

808
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:49,759
Speaker 1: in your profile check out? Are you? Are you? My

809
00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:53,799
Speaker 1: husband call me? I put all my my rules out

810
00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 1: the window when I met him, and then I was like, oh, hey, rules,

811
00:43:56,719 --> 00:43:59,440
Speaker 1: I got a bound by rules after I met it,

812
00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:04,920
Speaker 1: like we have to change things yours I had. I

813
00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:07,440
Speaker 1: had so many rules, like only have one drink on

814
00:44:07,440 --> 00:44:09,440
Speaker 1: the first date, because I knew for me that rule

815
00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 1: never worked for me. It was awful. Well, I went on.

816
00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:14,560
Speaker 1: I went on a date with Muslim Bay and was like,

817
00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:16,080
Speaker 1: just so you know, I know you don't drink, but

818
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 1: I drink because when I have two drinks and it

819
00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:20,600
Speaker 1: just just goes like I get so happy, like oh,

820
00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:22,239
Speaker 1: let's have another drink. Then it's like I forget how

821
00:44:22,239 --> 00:44:24,000
Speaker 1: many drinks I'd taken. Then it's like, wait, I didn't

822
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:28,359
Speaker 1: want to fuck you right right and now you know

823
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:30,239
Speaker 1: and I know that's like the point where I make

824
00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:32,839
Speaker 1: the horrible decisions. So I was like one drink, that's it.

825
00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:34,520
Speaker 1: But I did have to drinks with him. And then

826
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:36,120
Speaker 1: I saw his profile and I was like, you are

827
00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:39,040
Speaker 1: everything I'm looking for, Like when can we meet? And

828
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:41,040
Speaker 1: then we set a date and I was like, oh wait,

829
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:42,520
Speaker 1: I didn't do a phone call. So then I was

830
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:44,360
Speaker 1: like I need I said to him, I need you

831
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:45,759
Speaker 1: to call me so I can make sure you're not

832
00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:49,799
Speaker 1: a serial killer. That's like, what would serial killer sound like? Apparently? Yeah,

833
00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:54,080
Speaker 1: him out out? Do you want to meet on Monday? Still?

834
00:44:55,400 --> 00:44:59,160
Speaker 1: So you met your husband through a dating app? Yeah?

835
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:03,399
Speaker 1: Well it was online dating back then there was. It

836
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:07,799
Speaker 1: was called Nerve Nerve dot com and it was it

837
00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:10,640
Speaker 1: was sort of for the It was tied into like

838
00:45:11,239 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 1: l A Weekly Personals and UM and the onion and

839
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:19,520
Speaker 1: it was sort of like for I guess like artsy,

840
00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:22,400
Speaker 1: I don't know, Yeah, there's a there's app now that

841
00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:24,880
Speaker 1: UM we talked about a lot riya, which is like

842
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:28,799
Speaker 1: not like Ryan at all, and it was clients was like,

843
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:31,239
Speaker 1: I guess you have to like send it invitation yet

844
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,120
Speaker 1: but I heard it was directors and stuff like that

845
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:37,160
Speaker 1: that are on the New York and yes, all creatives

846
00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 1: and they have to show like their I d social

847
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:40,799
Speaker 1: like you have to put all this ship it was.

848
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:45,839
Speaker 1: It was more like like striving artists on fun fun Nerve.

849
00:45:46,239 --> 00:45:51,080
Speaker 1: But yeah, Ryan is only you have to be invited

850
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:53,239
Speaker 1: to be the industry people. Industry people. You have to

851
00:45:53,239 --> 00:45:57,000
Speaker 1: submit your Instagram. That's how you don't like it. I

852
00:45:57,040 --> 00:45:59,000
Speaker 1: didn't say I didn't like. Yeah, I thought you said

853
00:45:59,040 --> 00:46:00,759
Speaker 1: don't like it. I'm so sorry said it was not

854
00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:05,200
Speaker 1: at all like that. I now I'm careful. I work

855
00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:06,799
Speaker 1: with a lot of dating apps, so I'm not gonna

856
00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:09,080
Speaker 1: say I like or dislike any of them. What I'll

857
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:10,680
Speaker 1: say from Riya is that there are a lot of

858
00:46:10,719 --> 00:46:13,560
Speaker 1: people there who are there because they got in and

859
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:16,880
Speaker 1: they're like, oh well I'm I'm elite and I'm in Riyah,

860
00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:19,719
Speaker 1: and then they never move offline. So for most of

861
00:46:19,719 --> 00:46:22,319
Speaker 1: my clients that have gotten in that have used it,

862
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:25,000
Speaker 1: I have a client that's been on it for almost

863
00:46:25,040 --> 00:46:28,160
Speaker 1: two years and has never ever been on a date

864
00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:30,279
Speaker 1: from it. So I want to ask you, this is

865
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:32,520
Speaker 1: she's gorgeous. This is before we get into the homemail

866
00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:38,440
Speaker 1: because I have found, as a black woman who only

867
00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:42,040
Speaker 1: dates black men, that dating apps have been hard because

868
00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:45,440
Speaker 1: I'm swiping fifty white guys before I can get to

869
00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:49,680
Speaker 1: someone black and then shout out to x D black dating.

870
00:46:50,280 --> 00:46:52,399
Speaker 1: You know, That's what I was about to ask if

871
00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:57,560
Speaker 1: there's like I just so, I just noticed all of

872
00:46:57,600 --> 00:47:02,160
Speaker 1: the black dating apps basically have vanished from the app store,

873
00:47:02,239 --> 00:47:06,080
Speaker 1: so soul Sweat one and I don't know that's day

874
00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:09,200
Speaker 1: and I was like, I like just turn around and realized,

875
00:47:09,239 --> 00:47:14,839
Speaker 1: like what happened? There is one called b Lka out there.

876
00:47:15,080 --> 00:47:17,440
Speaker 1: And then oh, somebody told me about another one. I'll

877
00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:19,960
Speaker 1: look it up for you black people. Well I know

878
00:47:19,960 --> 00:47:24,040
Speaker 1: that no, well that I'm sure it's transformed into app,

879
00:47:24,080 --> 00:47:28,160
Speaker 1: but it's online like match dot com. And then I

880
00:47:28,200 --> 00:47:31,080
Speaker 1: know that there's another one that I just heard about.

881
00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:34,279
Speaker 1: Um Olani Um from the Laid Bear podcast shout out

882
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:37,279
Speaker 1: to her. She does. It's called highly, but it's not

883
00:47:37,640 --> 00:47:39,600
Speaker 1: it's not specific to black people, but it is a

884
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:43,239
Speaker 1: black owned app. Um, so it's h I L Y

885
00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:45,960
Speaker 1: or something like that. But um, but that is a

886
00:47:46,040 --> 00:47:49,319
Speaker 1: problem and a problem with me with dating apps because

887
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:52,160
Speaker 1: of that, when they like when they launched Coffee Meats Bagel,

888
00:47:52,239 --> 00:47:55,279
Speaker 1: they were like, we'll do a beta with one of

889
00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:58,239
Speaker 1: your clients and I I so, I gave this is what.

890
00:47:58,640 --> 00:48:00,880
Speaker 1: Way in the beginning, they were launching in l A.

891
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:03,080
Speaker 1: And I had a black client that was only dating

892
00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:06,279
Speaker 1: black men, and like it literally got to the end

893
00:48:06,480 --> 00:48:08,319
Speaker 1: in a week. She was like, they were like, we

894
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:12,120
Speaker 1: have no matches for you, and that's a problem. It's

895
00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:14,840
Speaker 1: a problem when you're when you're doing the swipe apps,

896
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:18,360
Speaker 1: particularly because you can't filter rate really right. So the

897
00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:21,200
Speaker 1: only that's why I did UM. I just wanted to

898
00:48:21,239 --> 00:48:23,240
Speaker 1: know if you knew of any other ones. But Hinge

899
00:48:23,960 --> 00:48:27,040
Speaker 1: Hinge has been the only dating apples and now owned

900
00:48:27,080 --> 00:48:31,520
Speaker 1: by match Really yeah they oh wow, So hin hinges

901
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:34,560
Speaker 1: where I met Muslim Bay and Hinge allows you to

902
00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:39,040
Speaker 1: um do deal breakers, And for me, a deal breaker

903
00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:41,799
Speaker 1: is someone who's white, Like I'm not interested. So I

904
00:48:41,840 --> 00:48:47,480
Speaker 1: literally you know what they say, once you go white, No,

905
00:48:47,640 --> 00:48:50,439
Speaker 1: don't know, don't knock it though, don't knock it. Hinge

906
00:48:50,440 --> 00:48:52,200
Speaker 1: has been the only one that I've been able to

907
00:48:52,239 --> 00:48:58,000
Speaker 1: specify whether they are you know, black or other. Wifey

908
00:48:58,440 --> 00:49:01,360
Speaker 1: somebody told me about wife white. FA is a is

909
00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:04,839
Speaker 1: a black dating app. Apparently not. I've not looked at

910
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:07,600
Speaker 1: it yet, but see I come in here with all

911
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:12,520
Speaker 1: kinds of information. You do look a whole munch. So

912
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:15,160
Speaker 1: I'm excited. Now you're gonna go ahead and let me

913
00:49:15,239 --> 00:49:17,839
Speaker 1: check us. Okay, we're doing good on something, so I am.

914
00:49:17,960 --> 00:49:21,240
Speaker 1: We're gonna talk about our home mail. If you guys

915
00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:23,960
Speaker 1: want to send in your homemail, you can do so

916
00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:28,280
Speaker 1: by emailing us at Horrible Decisions at gmail dot com.

917
00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:30,080
Speaker 1: So this one, I'm just gonna read the title just

918
00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:32,359
Speaker 1: so you can know what we're dealing with here. The

919
00:49:32,360 --> 00:49:36,000
Speaker 1: title for this week's homemail is escorts. Do I have

920
00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:40,239
Speaker 1: a problem. Over the last two to three years, I've

921
00:49:40,239 --> 00:49:44,319
Speaker 1: had experiences with escorts. It started as an exciting experience

922
00:49:44,320 --> 00:49:47,920
Speaker 1: whils at university, but kind of progress into a more

923
00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:52,239
Speaker 1: occasional thing. I've been with around four to five each

924
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:55,720
Speaker 1: year and have enjoyed my experiences, usually going for girls

925
00:49:55,719 --> 00:49:58,080
Speaker 1: that are down to earth and laid back, offering the

926
00:49:58,080 --> 00:50:02,279
Speaker 1: girlfriend experience, not pouring star or trashy types. But I

927
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:06,760
Speaker 1: do like trying kinky new experiences with escorts. I'm comfortable

928
00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:11,040
Speaker 1: with two. I've had a strap on. The problem is

929
00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:14,440
Speaker 1: I'm worried I may become too reliant on escorts for

930
00:50:14,560 --> 00:50:17,880
Speaker 1: new and regular sexual experiences. It doesn't help that I'm

931
00:50:17,960 --> 00:50:21,040
Speaker 1: kind of shy when approaching girls too. Also, I'm worried

932
00:50:21,080 --> 00:50:24,319
Speaker 1: that regular girls won't be too interested in getting as

933
00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:27,520
Speaker 1: kinky as me. And I'm really enjoying trying new things

934
00:50:27,760 --> 00:50:31,440
Speaker 1: like b DSM. I love being dominated. Now, what are

935
00:50:31,520 --> 00:50:34,560
Speaker 1: your opinions? What should I do? This is a man

936
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:37,640
Speaker 1: or a woman. Definitely sounds like a man. It sounds

937
00:50:37,680 --> 00:50:41,879
Speaker 1: like a man, so basically they are I guess feel

938
00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:45,560
Speaker 1: like they're becoming addicted with having sex with escorts. Um

939
00:50:45,680 --> 00:50:49,160
Speaker 1: they're paying. I assume he said he does like to

940
00:50:49,200 --> 00:50:52,120
Speaker 1: be nominated, so this would be in the kinky realm

941
00:50:52,360 --> 00:50:55,080
Speaker 1: where he may not feel comfortable bringing up these kinks too.

942
00:50:55,160 --> 00:50:58,359
Speaker 1: Regular people, however, of course, when and I've realized, even

943
00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:00,880
Speaker 1: with me just having a podcast about sex, that people

944
00:51:00,880 --> 00:51:03,480
Speaker 1: are more open to talking about sex as the same

945
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:05,359
Speaker 1: with porn stars. You can be in the group of

946
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:09,840
Speaker 1: girls who do nothing surprises them. So I guess his

947
00:51:09,960 --> 00:51:13,320
Speaker 1: concern is ever being able to date a quote unquote

948
00:51:13,360 --> 00:51:17,200
Speaker 1: regular girl because he's not only shy, but it's bringing

949
00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:21,440
Speaker 1: the kinky world to regular people. I think it is

950
00:51:21,480 --> 00:51:25,839
Speaker 1: a problem is that he yeah, he is. It's not

951
00:51:25,920 --> 00:51:29,120
Speaker 1: just the dating escorts or going whatever, going out with

952
00:51:29,280 --> 00:51:32,760
Speaker 1: escorts and having sex with escorts that is the problem.

953
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:36,720
Speaker 1: It's the fact that he never has to actually risk

954
00:51:37,400 --> 00:51:41,520
Speaker 1: to write, to to share anything about himself, to ask

955
00:51:41,560 --> 00:51:44,440
Speaker 1: a woman out, to even chat on a dating app.

956
00:51:44,719 --> 00:51:47,000
Speaker 1: It takes a little bit of effort, right, a little

957
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:50,839
Speaker 1: bit of risk. And if he's never it's going to

958
00:51:50,920 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 1: experience that, then he's going to continue to feel shy,

959
00:51:54,800 --> 00:51:59,600
Speaker 1: as he says it. And I would not assume that

960
00:52:00,160 --> 00:52:03,200
Speaker 1: regular girls are into your key, right, I think you

961
00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:06,480
Speaker 1: have to talk to them, no one, that might be

962
00:52:06,520 --> 00:52:08,680
Speaker 1: the thing. He just doesn't know how to talk about it.

963
00:52:08,719 --> 00:52:10,560
Speaker 1: So I feel like when he feels like he's putting

964
00:52:10,560 --> 00:52:12,840
Speaker 1: a dollar sign on it, he feels more confident in

965
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:15,880
Speaker 1: asking for these things because he feels like he's buying.

966
00:52:16,680 --> 00:52:20,160
Speaker 1: So you're getting what you pay for as as opposed

967
00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:22,200
Speaker 1: to dealing with a regular girl, you are going to

968
00:52:22,280 --> 00:52:24,560
Speaker 1: have to maybe be like, so, this is what I'm into.

969
00:52:24,640 --> 00:52:26,839
Speaker 1: Is this something you would be like? Yeah. I think

970
00:52:26,880 --> 00:52:29,640
Speaker 1: the dynamic of just communicating that you're into these things

971
00:52:29,960 --> 00:52:32,080
Speaker 1: is what is scaring him. But it's what scares a

972
00:52:32,120 --> 00:52:33,880
Speaker 1: lot of open up right away. I think, you know,

973
00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:36,080
Speaker 1: you just kind of get to know someone and then eventually,

974
00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:39,600
Speaker 1: but he has to start me. That's what the relationship is. Like,

975
00:52:39,920 --> 00:52:42,000
Speaker 1: that's so weird because I opened up. I open up

976
00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:47,520
Speaker 1: so early about the things. Yeah, you know, if he

977
00:52:47,560 --> 00:52:49,680
Speaker 1: wants a relationship, I would think that it's like just

978
00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:51,719
Speaker 1: take your time, because like if you're going to be

979
00:52:51,760 --> 00:52:53,120
Speaker 1: with someone, you don't know how long you're gonna be

980
00:52:53,160 --> 00:52:54,480
Speaker 1: with them for, and it's like you don't want them

981
00:52:54,480 --> 00:52:56,480
Speaker 1: obviously judge you right away if you want, Like I

982
00:52:56,480 --> 00:52:58,680
Speaker 1: don't know whatever he's into, but you know what, we

983
00:52:58,840 --> 00:53:01,640
Speaker 1: slowly start opening up. You No, I feel like you

984
00:53:01,800 --> 00:53:05,400
Speaker 1: learn stuff about your partners still till this day because

985
00:53:05,440 --> 00:53:08,160
Speaker 1: like even with my situation, like he was like, oh,

986
00:53:08,320 --> 00:53:10,040
Speaker 1: I just I didn't want your judgment, Like I'm not

987
00:53:10,080 --> 00:53:13,000
Speaker 1: going to judge you. And you know, also i've been

988
00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:15,360
Speaker 1: together for five years. After you've been with someone for

989
00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:18,279
Speaker 1: a while to like sixteen years. Like there were things

990
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:21,040
Speaker 1: that he brought up early on that I was like, no,

991
00:53:21,320 --> 00:53:25,279
Speaker 1: not into that after sixteen years and like fine, like

992
00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:27,800
Speaker 1: let's try. You're just like whatever if you want to

993
00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:30,480
Speaker 1: keep the relationship fresh. You're like, we'll try it, but

994
00:53:30,560 --> 00:53:34,040
Speaker 1: he has to get over the hurdle of even taking

995
00:53:34,040 --> 00:53:38,560
Speaker 1: the risk and talking to women and and like feel

996
00:53:38,640 --> 00:53:41,200
Speaker 1: that there's sometimes he might not get his need met,

997
00:53:41,320 --> 00:53:44,560
Speaker 1: he might get rejected and that he's okay. Oh and

998
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:47,880
Speaker 1: I've done that um recently, especially with dating. So, like

999
00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:50,960
Speaker 1: I said, I opened up actually almost immediately. Of the

1000
00:53:51,000 --> 00:53:58,200
Speaker 1: things that I think, what opening up that fast? I

1001
00:53:58,280 --> 00:54:00,920
Speaker 1: just want you to have a successful relationship it one day, No,

1002
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:04,520
Speaker 1: But because this is such a big part of what

1003
00:54:04,640 --> 00:54:07,480
Speaker 1: she does, I think it's appropriate for you to bring

1004
00:54:07,560 --> 00:54:09,319
Speaker 1: it up early on, because you don't want people than

1005
00:54:09,440 --> 00:54:13,319
Speaker 1: going and like checking out the Instagram and listening to

1006
00:54:13,360 --> 00:54:15,600
Speaker 1: the podcast. Like the guy that I just met at

1007
00:54:15,239 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 1: the pool party, our first conversation was about sex clubs

1008
00:54:19,120 --> 00:54:23,040
Speaker 1: and polyamory and open relationships and monogamy, and so this

1009
00:54:23,120 --> 00:54:25,360
Speaker 1: was like a conversation. Mind you, I don't remember at

1010
00:54:25,360 --> 00:54:27,880
Speaker 1: all because I was highly intoxicated. So we're gonna probably

1011
00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:31,840
Speaker 1: have to redo that conversation. But to me, seeing the

1012
00:54:31,880 --> 00:54:35,319
Speaker 1: comfortability of these things, so I'll bring it back and

1013
00:54:35,360 --> 00:54:37,799
Speaker 1: I'm not I think I was just having this conversation

1014
00:54:37,880 --> 00:54:40,279
Speaker 1: just amongst friends. But there was a guy recently that

1015
00:54:40,320 --> 00:54:44,520
Speaker 1: I was talking to, super good looking, definitely sexual like attraction,

1016
00:54:45,400 --> 00:54:47,840
Speaker 1: and we started talking about what we were both into because,

1017
00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:49,920
Speaker 1: as I said, I talked about the things that I

1018
00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:51,879
Speaker 1: like very early because I want to be sure that

1019
00:54:52,040 --> 00:54:53,919
Speaker 1: we're gonna have sex that I'm going to be able

1020
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:56,880
Speaker 1: to come from. Like there's things that I want in sex,

1021
00:54:56,920 --> 00:54:58,400
Speaker 1: and I want to know that you're willing to do

1022
00:54:58,440 --> 00:55:01,160
Speaker 1: those things. And I remember where I brought up the

1023
00:55:01,239 --> 00:55:04,479
Speaker 1: kinky aspect, and of course pegging was brought up, and

1024
00:55:05,280 --> 00:55:07,600
Speaker 1: his response to that was like, thank god I didn't

1025
00:55:07,600 --> 00:55:10,560
Speaker 1: suck him. He literally was like, wait, a guy let

1026
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:14,160
Speaker 1: you do that to him. He was like, actually, now

1027
00:55:14,320 --> 00:55:18,719
Speaker 1: I don't listen to how like ignorant the song. He

1028
00:55:18,920 --> 00:55:22,839
Speaker 1: literally said, well, I don't really know if I want

1029
00:55:22,840 --> 00:55:26,160
Speaker 1: to have sex with you now, because if a guy

1030
00:55:26,440 --> 00:55:30,160
Speaker 1: allowed you to peg him with a strap on, I

1031
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:32,879
Speaker 1: know that that guy has had sex with other men

1032
00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:37,320
Speaker 1: and they're literally and he said, I just don't think

1033
00:55:37,440 --> 00:55:39,720
Speaker 1: you know, he's like, not that I'm calling you dirty

1034
00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:42,200
Speaker 1: or anything, And of course brought in brought in that

1035
00:55:42,239 --> 00:55:44,560
Speaker 1: whole thing. It was literally like I just don't want

1036
00:55:44,560 --> 00:55:46,800
Speaker 1: to have sex with a girl who has had sex

1037
00:55:46,840 --> 00:55:49,560
Speaker 1: with a man, who has sex with men. He's like you,

1038
00:55:49,680 --> 00:55:55,359
Speaker 1: like literally he's literally with like so beyond with it.

1039
00:55:55,520 --> 00:55:57,160
Speaker 1: And I was just like, thank god, I didn't open

1040
00:55:57,200 --> 00:55:59,319
Speaker 1: my legs to you. For one, because you're ignorant, but

1041
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:02,360
Speaker 1: for two, for you to genuinely think that every woman

1042
00:56:02,360 --> 00:56:05,000
Speaker 1: you've had sex with, you know that you know all

1043
00:56:05,040 --> 00:56:07,600
Speaker 1: of their sexual history and who their partners have had

1044
00:56:07,600 --> 00:56:09,800
Speaker 1: sex with, just based off of a kink that someone

1045
00:56:09,840 --> 00:56:12,839
Speaker 1: may enjoy, Like we literally went down a rabbit hole

1046
00:56:13,120 --> 00:56:16,720
Speaker 1: and I just started like he was spewing homophobia. And

1047
00:56:16,880 --> 00:56:23,040
Speaker 1: of course, so to me, bringing up those things early

1048
00:56:23,120 --> 00:56:25,520
Speaker 1: allowed me to see where he is in his mindset.

1049
00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:28,720
Speaker 1: And yes, maybe two years from now that may change,

1050
00:56:28,880 --> 00:56:30,839
Speaker 1: like he could be one that's open, but to see

1051
00:56:30,880 --> 00:56:33,240
Speaker 1: how closed minded he was that early, I was like, Okay,

1052
00:56:33,280 --> 00:56:35,440
Speaker 1: I'm not even gonna waste my time moving forward, Like

1053
00:56:35,800 --> 00:56:38,200
Speaker 1: just a disclaimer because I love Mandy to death and

1054
00:56:38,239 --> 00:56:40,719
Speaker 1: I don't judge her at all for whatever showever she goes.

1055
00:56:40,880 --> 00:56:42,399
Speaker 1: I just because I don't want people like, oh, she's

1056
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:45,120
Speaker 1: like attacking her. I just want to know, like if

1057
00:56:45,160 --> 00:56:48,080
Speaker 1: there's another way maybe that she can talk to a

1058
00:56:48,160 --> 00:56:52,520
Speaker 1: guy where it's not but her' it's very sexual. So yeah,

1059
00:56:52,560 --> 00:56:57,920
Speaker 1: but like she said, straight and fucking pegging, like you know,

1060
00:56:57,960 --> 00:57:02,120
Speaker 1: it's kind of like doesn't open. Also, but I'm also

1061
00:57:02,200 --> 00:57:03,880
Speaker 1: just saying that I've done it. I don't have to

1062
00:57:03,880 --> 00:57:06,399
Speaker 1: peg every person I'm with, which is also the misconception

1063
00:57:06,719 --> 00:57:10,600
Speaker 1: of me having that kink. I'm okay with us not

1064
00:57:10,640 --> 00:57:14,799
Speaker 1: pegging at all. I've never pegged. I've never pecked twenty seven.

1065
00:57:14,960 --> 00:57:17,880
Speaker 1: I would. I would like to know what my partner

1066
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:20,360
Speaker 1: is into or what what the kickiest thing there into.

1067
00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:22,520
Speaker 1: To me, it's just a conversation me saying I like

1068
00:57:22,600 --> 00:57:24,880
Speaker 1: pegging doesn't mean oh my god, I won't have sex

1069
00:57:24,920 --> 00:57:27,400
Speaker 1: if you don't let me peg you. It's literally like, hey,

1070
00:57:27,400 --> 00:57:29,280
Speaker 1: this is the thing I'm into. I brought up the

1071
00:57:29,320 --> 00:57:32,280
Speaker 1: story there was a guy that I met um online

1072
00:57:32,640 --> 00:57:35,560
Speaker 1: and he told me that he wanted to gag and

1073
00:57:35,560 --> 00:57:38,480
Speaker 1: fit my entire foot in his mouth. This is what

1074
00:57:38,520 --> 00:57:41,520
Speaker 1: he was into. And he's like, I really love Yeah

1075
00:57:41,640 --> 00:57:43,560
Speaker 1: he wanted. I told him, I said, I don't think

1076
00:57:43,560 --> 00:57:45,320
Speaker 1: you'll be able to. He's like, oh yes I will,

1077
00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:52,800
Speaker 1: and oh yes I will though, but go of thing.

1078
00:57:53,160 --> 00:57:56,120
Speaker 1: But this is what he was into, and I let

1079
00:57:56,160 --> 00:57:57,880
Speaker 1: him know. Well, I don't know if I would really

1080
00:57:57,880 --> 00:58:00,200
Speaker 1: be into that, but I didn't look at him many

1081
00:58:00,200 --> 00:58:02,400
Speaker 1: different because that was his king. I think we should

1082
00:58:02,400 --> 00:58:03,800
Speaker 1: all be able to talk about our kicks. So I

1083
00:58:03,840 --> 00:58:05,920
Speaker 1: feel like the problem even with the guy in the homemail,

1084
00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:09,480
Speaker 1: is that there's some level of shame to what he

1085
00:58:09,520 --> 00:58:12,800
Speaker 1: feels like. He enjoys bringing up the shop on being dominated,

1086
00:58:13,080 --> 00:58:15,480
Speaker 1: so that's where it comes from. It's not that what

1087
00:58:15,640 --> 00:58:18,240
Speaker 1: a regular girl's gonna think. I think it's the shame

1088
00:58:18,320 --> 00:58:21,400
Speaker 1: that he feels like. Damn, I don't think he embraces it.

1089
00:58:21,520 --> 00:58:24,040
Speaker 1: So going to a sex worker makes sense for him

1090
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:26,000
Speaker 1: because he feels like he's going to be judged or

1091
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:27,640
Speaker 1: not be able to bring up this part of him

1092
00:58:27,640 --> 00:58:30,880
Speaker 1: to people. I want people to like me, know me,

1093
00:58:31,160 --> 00:58:35,120
Speaker 1: and all of me. She's just like to say this

1094
00:58:35,560 --> 00:58:37,560
Speaker 1: sounding like I'm a loser or anything. But I feel

1095
00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:39,680
Speaker 1: like he needs to love himself in order for other

1096
00:58:39,720 --> 00:58:41,800
Speaker 1: people to love him and him to be secure and

1097
00:58:42,040 --> 00:58:44,160
Speaker 1: who he is. He needs to kind of like accept

1098
00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:46,240
Speaker 1: who he is and just be himself and not be

1099
00:58:46,320 --> 00:58:49,920
Speaker 1: someone else, because he's always paid for those things to

1100
00:58:49,960 --> 00:58:53,840
Speaker 1: be done. He's making the assumption that regular girls wouldn't

1101
00:58:53,840 --> 00:58:57,640
Speaker 1: be into that. I mean, don't you listen to this podcast? Well,

1102
00:58:57,960 --> 00:58:59,560
Speaker 1: well he does, but there's a lot of people that

1103
00:58:59,640 --> 00:59:02,600
Speaker 1: listen to this podcast and they're still learning themselves. Trust me,

1104
00:59:02,800 --> 00:59:04,560
Speaker 1: everyone that listens to this podcast, But I mean, I

1105
00:59:04,560 --> 00:59:06,520
Speaker 1: woul think it would give them kind of like, oh wait,

1106
00:59:06,560 --> 00:59:08,400
Speaker 1: there's people like me out here in this world, which

1107
00:59:08,440 --> 00:59:11,040
Speaker 1: is which is what this show has done, thankfully, but

1108
00:59:11,120 --> 00:59:14,160
Speaker 1: there's still so many people that are still just like, Okay, damn,

1109
00:59:14,200 --> 00:59:16,800
Speaker 1: I realized that this is something that I like to do,

1110
00:59:17,160 --> 00:59:19,760
Speaker 1: but now, okay, how do I express this to my

1111
00:59:19,800 --> 00:59:22,320
Speaker 1: partner or how do I express this to the people

1112
00:59:22,360 --> 00:59:24,600
Speaker 1: I'm dating? Damn? Is this something I can even share

1113
00:59:24,600 --> 00:59:26,600
Speaker 1: with my friends? There's so many people that listen to

1114
00:59:26,600 --> 00:59:28,680
Speaker 1: this podcast and are like, thank you, ladies. I wish

1115
00:59:28,720 --> 00:59:31,320
Speaker 1: I had friends like you, because there's even we judge

1116
00:59:31,320 --> 00:59:34,000
Speaker 1: each other as friends for what we do behind closed doors.

1117
00:59:34,040 --> 00:59:37,440
Speaker 1: So there's still just a level of uncomfortablelity of sex

1118
00:59:37,560 --> 00:59:39,760
Speaker 1: and shame about the things that we like in it.

1119
00:59:40,000 --> 00:59:42,720
Speaker 1: So to me, within dating, I want to see how

1120
00:59:42,720 --> 00:59:45,080
Speaker 1: open minded someone is, whether they're into the things I'm

1121
00:59:45,080 --> 00:59:47,200
Speaker 1: into or not. That's fine, but I want someone to

1122
00:59:47,240 --> 00:59:49,680
Speaker 1: be able to comfortably tell me what they like and

1123
00:59:49,720 --> 00:59:52,880
Speaker 1: don't like, comfortably explain to me what their level of

1124
00:59:52,960 --> 00:59:55,800
Speaker 1: kink is and what they want to experience it, because

1125
00:59:55,800 --> 01:00:00,120
Speaker 1: I want to do that your work too. It's impossible

1126
01:00:00,120 --> 01:00:02,080
Speaker 1: to escape it like a first date conversation. As soon

1127
01:00:02,120 --> 01:00:04,120
Speaker 1: as I tell people like I host the Dates and

1128
01:00:04,160 --> 01:00:07,240
Speaker 1: Mats podcast, they're like, oh, you're a dating coach. I

1129
01:00:07,280 --> 01:00:10,760
Speaker 1: want to know X y Z. Every interaction I have

1130
01:00:10,880 --> 01:00:14,240
Speaker 1: becomes like dating dating advice, and I feel like that's

1131
01:00:14,240 --> 01:00:16,480
Speaker 1: why when we work to him. In his case, I

1132
01:00:16,520 --> 01:00:18,680
Speaker 1: just think he needs to find a little more confidence

1133
01:00:18,720 --> 01:00:25,520
Speaker 1: within himself to one You're finally right because that you've

1134
01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:32,000
Speaker 1: been wrong, so I'm never wrong. I know I'm not

1135
01:00:32,000 --> 01:00:33,400
Speaker 1: gonna lie. When we were looking at you like no,

1136
01:00:33,440 --> 01:00:37,200
Speaker 1: but you're wrong, you were like, how dare you say

1137
01:00:37,400 --> 01:00:42,040
Speaker 1: such a thing? No, but I love this conversation. And

1138
01:00:42,360 --> 01:00:45,240
Speaker 1: so a lot of us are in unfortunately this dating

1139
01:00:45,480 --> 01:00:49,000
Speaker 1: cess pool because it sucks. So for some way, stop

1140
01:00:49,440 --> 01:00:54,560
Speaker 1: getting stock you have it sounds also a just mindset

1141
01:00:54,600 --> 01:00:57,840
Speaker 1: around it. You have read me a guess your mindset

1142
01:00:57,920 --> 01:01:01,440
Speaker 1: around me, because if you're going into it with the

1143
01:01:01,520 --> 01:01:03,880
Speaker 1: expectation that it is sucked in the past and it's

1144
01:01:03,920 --> 01:01:06,320
Speaker 1: going to suck again. True, you're going to repeat that

1145
01:01:06,360 --> 01:01:10,560
Speaker 1: same experience. So that's the first place to start. Man, Okay,

1146
01:01:10,560 --> 01:01:14,880
Speaker 1: read me again. So for any of our listeners um

1147
01:01:14,920 --> 01:01:17,640
Speaker 1: that are interested and maybe signing up for some dating

1148
01:01:17,640 --> 01:01:20,440
Speaker 1: coaching from you or listening to your podcast, everything, go

1149
01:01:20,440 --> 01:01:23,600
Speaker 1: ahead and drop everything. Also, everything that Demona says now

1150
01:01:23,640 --> 01:01:26,840
Speaker 1: will be in the description of this episode so that

1151
01:01:26,880 --> 01:01:29,240
Speaker 1: you guys can click on it, check her out and

1152
01:01:29,320 --> 01:01:30,920
Speaker 1: get some more tips. So go ahead and let everyone

1153
01:01:30,920 --> 01:01:32,800
Speaker 1: know where they can find you. Yeah, I give dating

1154
01:01:32,840 --> 01:01:36,080
Speaker 1: advice like this every week on the Dates and Mates

1155
01:01:36,160 --> 01:01:38,600
Speaker 1: with Demona Hoffman podcast. I'm gonna have to come on

1156
01:01:38,640 --> 01:01:40,720
Speaker 1: there so you could like give me a dating intervention.

1157
01:01:40,720 --> 01:01:42,080
Speaker 1: I know you're coming to New York. Maybe we can

1158
01:01:42,120 --> 01:01:45,400
Speaker 1: do that because I know I leave to please. Oh

1159
01:01:45,440 --> 01:01:47,960
Speaker 1: my god, are you really my friend? I hate you?

1160
01:01:49,040 --> 01:01:52,280
Speaker 1: I want the best for you. Know, we can maybe

1161
01:01:52,400 --> 01:01:56,040
Speaker 1: go down on how I've dated even over just the

1162
01:01:56,120 --> 01:01:58,400
Speaker 1: last year, and maybe how I kind of proved of

1163
01:01:58,440 --> 01:02:00,240
Speaker 1: all my friends in the room and just give, Like

1164
01:02:00,520 --> 01:02:02,480
Speaker 1: what is that called when it's like you give like

1165
01:02:02,520 --> 01:02:04,080
Speaker 1: a drug addict? You put them in a room and

1166
01:02:04,120 --> 01:02:07,600
Speaker 1: then it's like intervention is like your family gets there.

1167
01:02:07,600 --> 01:02:11,520
Speaker 1: It's like thetating life has affected my life in the

1168
01:02:11,520 --> 01:02:15,440
Speaker 1: following way. Yeah, your dating problems. Okay, so we have

1169
01:02:15,480 --> 01:02:19,400
Speaker 1: the Dates and Mates when you drop and every Monday

1170
01:02:19,960 --> 01:02:23,760
Speaker 1: just likes guy, I know you know you guys want

1171
01:02:23,760 --> 01:02:27,080
Speaker 1: to listen to something on your Monday? Um can you

1172
01:02:27,080 --> 01:02:28,880
Speaker 1: you know? There we go. We have two podcasts that

1173
01:02:28,920 --> 01:02:30,880
Speaker 1: you can listen to now on Mondays. Yeah. And then

1174
01:02:30,880 --> 01:02:32,720
Speaker 1: I also I have a lot of resources on my

1175
01:02:32,800 --> 01:02:35,720
Speaker 1: website Demona Hoffman dot com or on Dates and Mates

1176
01:02:35,760 --> 01:02:37,720
Speaker 1: dot com. So I have a profile starter kid, if

1177
01:02:37,760 --> 01:02:40,200
Speaker 1: you're just like, okay, I want to date online in

1178
01:02:40,200 --> 01:02:42,680
Speaker 1: a totally different way. It hasn't worked before. We can

1179
01:02:42,720 --> 01:02:45,400
Speaker 1: refresh your profile. You can write your your own profile.

1180
01:02:45,440 --> 01:02:47,560
Speaker 1: It's like remember mad lips, Like were you used to

1181
01:02:47,560 --> 01:02:51,280
Speaker 1: write in like the that must people for meting? My

1182
01:02:51,400 --> 01:02:55,400
Speaker 1: kids do it? Your kids don't do it? Lives. So

1183
01:02:55,440 --> 01:02:59,640
Speaker 1: it was like you can you kill in the blank?

1184
01:02:59,760 --> 01:03:02,640
Speaker 1: They change the words. It's like a it's it's like

1185
01:03:02,680 --> 01:03:05,600
Speaker 1: a story and then they change certain words and then

1186
01:03:05,680 --> 01:03:07,480
Speaker 1: you fill in a word and then it becomes a

1187
01:03:07,480 --> 01:03:11,560
Speaker 1: funny story. It's like fill in the blank of dating profile.

1188
01:03:11,600 --> 01:03:13,880
Speaker 1: So I've taken profiles that have worked for clients in

1189
01:03:13,960 --> 01:03:17,120
Speaker 1: mind before and I've basically rearranged it so that you

1190
01:03:17,160 --> 01:03:19,560
Speaker 1: can build your own profile, just kind of cut and

1191
01:03:19,600 --> 01:03:21,960
Speaker 1: paste and put your own words into I like that

1192
01:03:22,000 --> 01:03:26,800
Speaker 1: because I make the hardest party know what to about

1193
01:03:26,840 --> 01:03:29,920
Speaker 1: me genius, because it's kind of like marketing online, except

1194
01:03:29,920 --> 01:03:31,720
Speaker 1: you know all the codes and you know, you just

1195
01:03:31,760 --> 01:03:34,520
Speaker 1: give it to the person, Like, Yeah, it doesn't have

1196
01:03:34,600 --> 01:03:36,320
Speaker 1: to be stressful. I mean, that's the biggest thing. I

1197
01:03:36,360 --> 01:03:39,920
Speaker 1: try to make dating apps not stressful, like a dating marketer,

1198
01:03:45,760 --> 01:03:48,760
Speaker 1: sell what you have. Yeah. No, well, we'll definitely have

1199
01:03:48,840 --> 01:03:51,960
Speaker 1: to to come. I would love to maybe even just

1200
01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:54,840
Speaker 1: ask more like and hopefully I've had more dates by

1201
01:03:54,880 --> 01:03:57,360
Speaker 1: then with um, what are we going to call him?

1202
01:03:57,360 --> 01:04:00,840
Speaker 1: Pool party Bay or Muslim bayther one. Those are the

1203
01:04:00,880 --> 01:04:02,920
Speaker 1: two guys that I'm kind of entertaining right now. So

1204
01:04:04,040 --> 01:04:05,760
Speaker 1: par Bay, I don't I don't know if I like that.

1205
01:04:05,880 --> 01:04:07,640
Speaker 1: I don't like that neither. We gotta come up with

1206
01:04:07,680 --> 01:04:11,480
Speaker 1: a better name. Graham. Um, but yeah, so and come

1207
01:04:11,520 --> 01:04:15,560
Speaker 1: on social media, I'm at Demona Hoffman on all of

1208
01:04:15,600 --> 01:04:20,919
Speaker 1: the socials, So here you're dating questions decisions listeners, send

1209
01:04:20,920 --> 01:04:23,000
Speaker 1: those in for sure, and I'll definitely send them over

1210
01:04:23,000 --> 01:04:24,800
Speaker 1: to you as well. So any dating app questions you

1211
01:04:24,840 --> 01:04:27,600
Speaker 1: guys have for Demona, definitely put hey, I heard the

1212
01:04:27,600 --> 01:04:30,720
Speaker 1: episode with Dedemona and please help me um. And then

1213
01:04:31,000 --> 01:04:34,480
Speaker 1: Stacy for our listeners who enjoyed you hating on me

1214
01:04:34,560 --> 01:04:37,560
Speaker 1: on episode. Um, I'm just playing, um, where can they

1215
01:04:37,560 --> 01:04:39,480
Speaker 1: find you? And also tell tell them about what you

1216
01:04:39,560 --> 01:04:42,040
Speaker 1: do in your business because okay, so I was going

1217
01:04:42,080 --> 01:04:44,600
Speaker 1: to close out being serious. I am the owner of

1218
01:04:44,640 --> 01:04:48,520
Speaker 1: get lash l a on Laurel Canyon. I also have

1219
01:04:48,760 --> 01:04:53,160
Speaker 1: an online um shop by manufacturer all my Lashes shop

1220
01:04:53,200 --> 01:04:56,000
Speaker 1: get lash l a dot com. And I just recently

1221
01:04:56,080 --> 01:05:00,480
Speaker 1: made my profile public again and that is all one

1222
01:05:00,800 --> 01:05:03,360
Speaker 1: g s. So please be nice and gental to me

1223
01:05:03,400 --> 01:05:06,240
Speaker 1: because it's been a while. Also, something happened. It sounds

1224
01:05:06,240 --> 01:05:11,760
Speaker 1: like I used well we okay, like you know, Twitter days,

1225
01:05:11,760 --> 01:05:13,560
Speaker 1: Instagram days, kind of a little like a lot of

1226
01:05:13,600 --> 01:05:16,120
Speaker 1: following the case behind the numbers, you know. So I

1227
01:05:16,200 --> 01:05:18,000
Speaker 1: was kind of a little like, you know, I don't know,

1228
01:05:18,520 --> 01:05:21,080
Speaker 1: social media whatever, the millennial that's what I was. I

1229
01:05:21,080 --> 01:05:23,920
Speaker 1: got in a relationship like you were talking about left everything.

1230
01:05:24,000 --> 01:05:25,800
Speaker 1: I was like, funk this, I just don't want any

1231
01:05:25,880 --> 01:05:27,840
Speaker 1: like you know, I was just too much draw in

1232
01:05:27,880 --> 01:05:30,400
Speaker 1: the beginning, so I just wanted to get away. I

1233
01:05:30,480 --> 01:05:34,240
Speaker 1: refocused my energy into my business, which is like the

1234
01:05:34,240 --> 01:05:37,320
Speaker 1: greatest thing I could have done. So now I am

1235
01:05:37,360 --> 01:05:41,480
Speaker 1: like refinding myself and who I have become. And I

1236
01:05:41,520 --> 01:05:43,640
Speaker 1: just didn't want to do that in front of everyone

1237
01:05:43,680 --> 01:05:48,960
Speaker 1: because I've changed her. Honus has been deleted has now.

1238
01:05:49,120 --> 01:05:52,320
Speaker 1: But guys, if you guys are lash text or even

1239
01:05:52,360 --> 01:05:54,160
Speaker 1: looking to get your lashes done here in l A,

1240
01:05:54,440 --> 01:05:56,280
Speaker 1: we do have a promo code. It get last l A.

1241
01:05:56,640 --> 01:05:59,400
Speaker 1: It is w d P and it gets on the

1242
01:05:59,400 --> 01:06:03,000
Speaker 1: shop one person off online that's w d P and

1243
01:06:03,040 --> 01:06:06,880
Speaker 1: then twenty five dollars off of full sets. If you

1244
01:06:06,960 --> 01:06:11,800
Speaker 1: come in and say, hey, horrible decisions. Um, and yeah,

1245
01:06:12,400 --> 01:06:14,440
Speaker 1: she does a really good job and like she does

1246
01:06:14,480 --> 01:06:17,120
Speaker 1: it quick. She did my lashes, and well I have

1247
01:06:17,240 --> 01:06:19,080
Speaker 1: a shop with like it's not meat, it's gonna do

1248
01:06:19,120 --> 01:06:21,000
Speaker 1: your lashes as a couple of girls. Yeah, she's like, which,

1249
01:06:21,000 --> 01:06:23,160
Speaker 1: I have employees. I own it now. Um, I have

1250
01:06:23,240 --> 01:06:25,280
Speaker 1: people that work under me. No, but thank you guys

1251
01:06:25,360 --> 01:06:28,160
Speaker 1: so much for joining me. If you guys enjoyed this episode,

1252
01:06:28,440 --> 01:06:31,560
Speaker 1: please leave the comments on SoundCloud. We don't have video

1253
01:06:31,600 --> 01:06:33,400
Speaker 1: for this, so for all of the people who enjoy

1254
01:06:33,440 --> 01:06:36,200
Speaker 1: watching us on YouTube, we are recording remotely and so

1255
01:06:36,360 --> 01:06:38,240
Speaker 1: bit a bit had to pay for the studio this time.

1256
01:06:38,280 --> 01:06:41,680
Speaker 1: So um, but shout out to you guys. As always,

1257
01:06:41,840 --> 01:06:43,800
Speaker 1: I want to give a huge shout out to all

1258
01:06:43,840 --> 01:06:47,280
Speaker 1: of our supporters. So everyone on Patreon who donates as

1259
01:06:47,280 --> 01:06:49,360
Speaker 1: little as one dollar a month, you guys are helping

1260
01:06:49,440 --> 01:06:53,240
Speaker 1: us rock. We are also about to drop these tour

1261
01:06:53,360 --> 01:06:56,840
Speaker 1: dates guys. So there's sixteen cities that we are coming

1262
01:06:56,920 --> 01:06:58,880
Speaker 1: to for the ones who have been asking us. We

1263
01:06:58,920 --> 01:07:04,560
Speaker 1: are coming to Boston, New Orleans, Cleveland, the Bay Area, Dallas, Charlotte, Orlando,

1264
01:07:05,440 --> 01:07:08,680
Speaker 1: New Orleans, I said, the Bay Where else that we

1265
01:07:08,720 --> 01:07:12,160
Speaker 1: haven't had before. Yeah, I'm We're also hitting the cities

1266
01:07:12,200 --> 01:07:15,360
Speaker 1: we've fit before. Oh also Detroit, Um, so yeah, we're

1267
01:07:15,440 --> 01:07:18,960
Speaker 1: hitting We're hitting nine new cities. So I'm super excited

1268
01:07:19,400 --> 01:07:21,280
Speaker 1: um to see all of you guys. Oh yeah, Philly,

1269
01:07:21,400 --> 01:07:23,360
Speaker 1: y'all rock y'all always rock with us, So we're coming

1270
01:07:23,400 --> 01:07:25,320
Speaker 1: to Philly. Um. But before we get out of here,

1271
01:07:25,440 --> 01:07:27,600
Speaker 1: we are going to leave you a five minute bonus

1272
01:07:27,600 --> 01:07:30,640
Speaker 1: clip from our Patreon. If you guys did not know,

1273
01:07:31,080 --> 01:07:33,800
Speaker 1: we dropped seven episodes a month, that is an additional

1274
01:07:33,880 --> 01:07:36,880
Speaker 1: three bonus episodes. We are now sitting on almost forty

1275
01:07:36,960 --> 01:07:39,920
Speaker 1: five bonus episodes. So if you're all caught up with

1276
01:07:39,960 --> 01:07:42,760
Speaker 1: all of the Horrible Decisions podcast, you can go onto

1277
01:07:42,760 --> 01:07:45,640
Speaker 1: patreon dot com, back slash Horrible Decisions and check out

1278
01:07:45,680 --> 01:07:49,280
Speaker 1: our bonus content. Once again, guys, tune in to the

1279
01:07:49,280 --> 01:07:51,720
Speaker 1: five minute bonus clip, and this has been yet another

1280
01:07:51,760 --> 01:08:03,240
Speaker 1: episode of Horrible Decisions. A FI guys faction rarely compared

1281
01:08:03,280 --> 01:08:05,920
Speaker 1: to the general population, and some have little to no

1282
01:08:06,000 --> 01:08:08,760
Speaker 1: interest in sexual activity. No, you're not a demi sexual.

1283
01:08:09,080 --> 01:08:12,080
Speaker 1: Demi sexuals are considered to be on the A sexual spectrum,

1284
01:08:12,360 --> 01:08:15,200
Speaker 1: meaning they are closure with a sexuality. So I guess

1285
01:08:15,240 --> 01:08:17,519
Speaker 1: that one. That one is more so, Yeah, I think

1286
01:08:17,880 --> 01:08:20,040
Speaker 1: a Christopher maybe that um And so that's where you're

1287
01:08:20,080 --> 01:08:24,160
Speaker 1: just finding more of um emotional bond because I guess

1288
01:08:24,160 --> 01:08:26,439
Speaker 1: I thought that because maybe some A sexual people don't

1289
01:08:26,439 --> 01:08:28,160
Speaker 1: even need emotional bond. But I was like me with

1290
01:08:28,240 --> 01:08:30,360
Speaker 1: Fellam Bay. I love being around that nigga, but I

1291
01:08:30,400 --> 01:08:32,519
Speaker 1: didn't want to suck him, but only because he wanted

1292
01:08:32,560 --> 01:08:33,920
Speaker 1: to funk, I didn't want to. I used to call

1293
01:08:33,960 --> 01:08:35,800
Speaker 1: him over when I was on my period because I

1294
01:08:35,840 --> 01:08:40,840
Speaker 1: knew I wasn't gonna do you like him? I liked, liked, liked, liked.

1295
01:08:41,200 --> 01:08:44,599
Speaker 1: So that really weird one. This is not a real one, dude,

1296
01:08:44,680 --> 01:08:46,120
Speaker 1: This it is. It took a long time to find,

1297
01:08:46,200 --> 01:08:48,240
Speaker 1: but I had to look up lgbt Q slang. This

1298
01:08:48,280 --> 01:08:51,240
Speaker 1: one is called an eyeball queen, a person who derived

1299
01:08:51,280 --> 01:08:54,479
Speaker 1: pleasure from watching others engage in intercourse. Now, we normally

1300
01:08:54,479 --> 01:08:57,840
Speaker 1: hear voyeurism, but they call it eyeball queens when it's

1301
01:08:57,880 --> 01:09:01,360
Speaker 1: like a gay sex club. So the next one is weird.

1302
01:09:01,520 --> 01:09:03,719
Speaker 1: I ain't never heard of this either. You've never heard

1303
01:09:03,800 --> 01:09:08,800
Speaker 1: that friend of Dorothy? Yes, like Dorothy from the Wizard

1304
01:09:08,840 --> 01:09:11,720
Speaker 1: of Oz. It's like, wait, was the tin man in

1305
01:09:11,840 --> 01:09:17,280
Speaker 1: line and on him gay? With the scarecrawling all that ship? Gay?

1306
01:09:17,479 --> 01:09:19,720
Speaker 1: Don't ruin my childhood. I've been to a brunch called

1307
01:09:19,760 --> 01:09:22,960
Speaker 1: a friend of Dorothy friend of Dorothy? So yeah, a

1308
01:09:23,000 --> 01:09:25,400
Speaker 1: friend of Dorothy is a slang for a gay man.

1309
01:09:25,920 --> 01:09:29,360
Speaker 1: So wait, friend of Dorothy is the friend of Dorothy

1310
01:09:29,400 --> 01:09:31,479
Speaker 1: the gay man? Or is Dorothy the gay man? No? No, no,

1311
01:09:31,600 --> 01:09:33,559
Speaker 1: like you're a friend of Dorothy, you're the gay man,

1312
01:09:33,960 --> 01:09:36,679
Speaker 1: so like it's a way to say that you're not gay.

1313
01:09:36,880 --> 01:09:38,960
Speaker 1: For example, like I was in a gay bar ones

1314
01:09:39,040 --> 01:09:42,160
Speaker 1: where this guy was like, are we family sis? And

1315
01:09:42,200 --> 01:09:44,599
Speaker 1: I knew where he meant, like, no, what is oh?

1316
01:09:44,720 --> 01:09:47,519
Speaker 1: Are we family? Family? And I've heard are you a

1317
01:09:47,600 --> 01:09:49,439
Speaker 1: ladies lady? When I go to the Gate Club, they

1318
01:09:49,479 --> 01:09:50,920
Speaker 1: love to ask me that. Actually what I was the

1319
01:09:51,000 --> 01:09:53,320
Speaker 1: ladies lady? That means you're a lesbian. Yeah, this guy

1320
01:09:53,400 --> 01:09:54,920
Speaker 1: was like, are you a ladies lady? Because there's new

1321
01:09:54,960 --> 01:10:01,400
Speaker 1: news with Tessa Thompson she is dating Lupita. Wait, no,

1322
01:10:01,680 --> 01:10:04,880
Speaker 1: wasn't Tessa Thompson dating um no, the one with the

1323
01:10:04,920 --> 01:10:10,040
Speaker 1: suit Jenelle? Now Tessa Thompson or Jenelle Monet Lupia. It's

1324
01:10:10,040 --> 01:10:13,080
Speaker 1: one or the other Lupeta was dating? Wasn't she dating?

1325
01:10:13,960 --> 01:10:20,320
Speaker 1: Um no? Chin? She hates him Michael Michael B. Jordan's

1326
01:10:20,800 --> 01:10:23,000
Speaker 1: He ain't got no chim bro. You don't think he's cute, No,

1327
01:10:23,200 --> 01:10:26,920
Speaker 1: she it's his profile. His chin dips right into his neck. Y'all.

1328
01:10:26,920 --> 01:10:28,799
Speaker 1: If y'all look at Michael B. Jordan's from the side,

1329
01:10:29,120 --> 01:10:30,920
Speaker 1: she looked. No, she got me saying and that Nick

1330
01:10:31,000 --> 01:10:34,080
Speaker 1: ain't got no chim bro. It's like it's like his

1331
01:10:34,240 --> 01:10:41,519
Speaker 1: face long back. What no, he he ain't got no neck, bro. Well,

1332
01:10:41,520 --> 01:10:45,600
Speaker 1: he ain't got no Look it goes right into no

1333
01:10:45,680 --> 01:10:47,439
Speaker 1: look at him from look at a profile. You gotta

1334
01:10:47,479 --> 01:10:50,479
Speaker 1: do a profile. Look at Michael B. Jordan's profile. His

1335
01:10:50,520 --> 01:10:55,160
Speaker 1: face goes right into his neck. He ain't got no china.

1336
01:10:55,680 --> 01:10:58,559
Speaker 1: So there's a there's two different gs. The first G

1337
01:10:58,920 --> 01:11:02,160
Speaker 1: is a gender queer. It's a way of describing someone's

1338
01:11:02,160 --> 01:11:04,479
Speaker 1: gender that doesn't include the current definitions of man or woman.

1339
01:11:04,520 --> 01:11:08,479
Speaker 1: And Nope, I'm lying. I'm just queer, I think because

1340
01:11:08,920 --> 01:11:11,960
Speaker 1: some people might identify themselves feminine men or masculine women,

1341
01:11:12,040 --> 01:11:16,120
Speaker 1: or androgynous, or there are other category glories um that

1342
01:11:16,200 --> 01:11:18,160
Speaker 1: they just want outside of boy man or girl woman.

1343
01:11:18,240 --> 01:11:22,320
Speaker 1: Not all gender queer people are trans interesting. The next

1344
01:11:22,320 --> 01:11:24,840
Speaker 1: one actually picked two. These are two gs. Another one

1345
01:11:24,840 --> 01:11:28,520
Speaker 1: would be gender fluid, So a person whose gender identification

1346
01:11:28,680 --> 01:11:33,320
Speaker 1: and presentation shifts um, whether within or outside of societal

1347
01:11:33,400 --> 01:11:36,280
Speaker 1: gender based expectations, being fluid in motion between two or

1348
01:11:36,280 --> 01:11:39,759
Speaker 1: more down gender fluid because which my dick is long?

1349
01:11:40,000 --> 01:11:44,240
Speaker 1: James is gender fluid, Well, so me and James gender

1350
01:11:44,280 --> 01:11:47,840
Speaker 1: fluid shout out maybe but he wears like saying maybe,

1351
01:11:48,040 --> 01:11:51,960
Speaker 1: which I wear baggy jeans. I'd be ready to be

1352
01:11:52,040 --> 01:11:56,040
Speaker 1: a nigga and slang my dick a nigga. So what's

1353
01:11:56,040 --> 01:11:59,679
Speaker 1: the problem. I think that's well, no, no, no, wouldn't

1354
01:12:00,160 --> 01:12:03,160
Speaker 1: a woman your gender is not your sexual orientation say that,

1355
01:12:03,560 --> 01:12:09,200
Speaker 1: but you don't think you want? Okay, homo and heterosexual

1356
01:12:09,200 --> 01:12:14,200
Speaker 1: homosexual being gay? Bitch? Could I get an h heterosexual

1357
01:12:14,479 --> 01:12:17,160
Speaker 1: is straight? Mean with the opposite gender? What's I? This

1358
01:12:17,200 --> 01:12:19,920
Speaker 1: is a good one. I is different. Damn. I thought

1359
01:12:19,960 --> 01:12:21,240
Speaker 1: I was gonna get to read the next one. You

1360
01:12:21,280 --> 01:12:22,760
Speaker 1: react because I like the next one. I just like

1361
01:12:22,840 --> 01:12:26,439
Speaker 1: the sound of it. Intersex as a person born with

1362
01:12:26,479 --> 01:12:29,400
Speaker 1: a combination of genitals and chromosomes that are different from

1363
01:12:29,400 --> 01:12:34,680
Speaker 1: the medically defined herrodite. No, but yeah, so like I

1364
01:12:34,680 --> 01:12:36,800
Speaker 1: think we shouldn't use that word anywhere apparently, which is

1365
01:12:36,800 --> 01:12:40,680
Speaker 1: why intersex is the word. But it is hermaphrodite, but

1366
01:12:40,760 --> 01:12:43,920
Speaker 1: you can't see them. So like a woman that did

1367
01:12:43,920 --> 01:12:46,960
Speaker 1: the intersex ted talk said she didn't know for years

1368
01:12:47,040 --> 01:12:50,040
Speaker 1: or something, and she just didn't have the certain chromosome

1369
01:12:50,439 --> 01:12:52,320
Speaker 1: and she had a male chromosome there, so she can't

1370
01:12:52,360 --> 01:12:55,880
Speaker 1: have kids. It's it's a very crazy number. It's like

1371
01:12:55,880 --> 01:12:57,759
Speaker 1: one in every two thousand. Let me look at a

1372
01:12:57,800 --> 01:13:00,280
Speaker 1: percentage of intersex, Like a lot of people will have

1373
01:13:00,400 --> 01:13:02,639
Speaker 1: this um and they just grow up and they don't know.

1374
01:13:02,920 --> 01:13:05,240
Speaker 1: And so she said, when she was growing up, her

1375
01:13:05,240 --> 01:13:07,120
Speaker 1: mom would take her doctors. Nobody could figure it out.

1376
01:13:07,520 --> 01:13:09,840
Speaker 1: Come to find out two percent of people. Only two

1377
01:13:09,840 --> 01:13:16,200
Speaker 1: percent in the whole world or American world. I wish

1378
01:13:16,240 --> 01:13:24,280
Speaker 1: I'd just said nationwide or or the American world. Uh,

1379
01:13:24,560 --> 01:13:27,400
Speaker 1: that's in the US two percent, okay, And it's like

1380
01:13:27,479 --> 01:13:31,759
Speaker 1: what a billion of US I think? Or that China?

1381
01:13:31,960 --> 01:13:34,320
Speaker 1: Is that China eight billion? I think we only three

1382
01:13:34,320 --> 01:13:38,360
Speaker 1: billion or something. Hold on that number. Now I'm seeing

1383
01:13:38,400 --> 01:13:40,800
Speaker 1: one in every births or one in every two thousand,

1384
01:13:40,840 --> 01:13:43,960
Speaker 1: that's what she said. When every two thousand, that's a lot. Yeah,

1385
01:13:44,320 --> 01:13:46,960
Speaker 1: but it's not like you'll have a dick in a pussy.

1386
01:13:47,360 --> 01:13:52,439
Speaker 1: It's like it's your reproductive organs. Okay, So that makes sense.

1387
01:13:52,640 --> 01:13:54,960
Speaker 1: The next one, which I'm excited about, guys, were at

1388
01:13:55,040 --> 01:13:59,559
Speaker 1: j um j is a jelly dildo, the most soft

1389
01:13:59,600 --> 01:14:02,200
Speaker 1: and flex a toy material but also holds the most back.

1390
01:14:02,439 --> 01:14:05,200
Speaker 1: Oh damn, I like my little me too. So it

1391
01:14:05,240 --> 01:14:08,760
Speaker 1: holds the most bacteria. Most experts have said to throw

1392
01:14:08,800 --> 01:14:12,600
Speaker 1: it out. Goddamnit for J I really was trying, and

1393
01:14:12,600 --> 01:14:14,439
Speaker 1: it was like, okay, what's real quick? Can you think

1394
01:14:14,439 --> 01:14:17,000
Speaker 1: of a j other terms involving sex that has to

1395
01:14:17,040 --> 01:14:19,120
Speaker 1: do with J no, bro, I tried all last night.

1396
01:14:19,200 --> 01:14:26,719
Speaker 1: This took me like an hour, JA, jail bird, sex beat. Okay,

1397
01:14:26,880 --> 01:14:29,400
Speaker 1: we could have brought up jail bird. Actually jail is

1398
01:14:29,400 --> 01:14:32,960
Speaker 1: pretty gay. Don't do that because they can sleep, they

1399
01:14:33,000 --> 01:14:36,160
Speaker 1: can sleep with the inmate. They could. Don't do that.

1400
01:14:36,240 --> 01:14:40,960
Speaker 1: Don't do that. That's oh nope, he may so they

1401
01:14:41,040 --> 01:14:44,920
Speaker 1: be gay for their sentence and then they come out

1402
01:14:44,960 --> 01:14:47,439
Speaker 1: saying they're still straight. That's how you know sex is

1403
01:14:47,479 --> 01:14:53,400
Speaker 1: really like you just need it. Okay, I like this one.

1404
01:14:53,439 --> 01:14:56,240
Speaker 1: So I did this. We've had this discussion. Kink first

1405
01:14:56,280 --> 01:15:00,760
Speaker 1: is fetish, but kink is referred to as an unconventional

1406
01:15:00,760 --> 01:15:04,360
Speaker 1: practice which people derive forms of pleasure. It's not okay,

1407
01:15:04,360 --> 01:15:06,720
Speaker 1: but I didn't want to read fetish after it's an