Speaker 1: Wind down with Jane Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2: Happy New Year five. I love this crazy here. So
Speaker 2: excited to ring in the new year with you girls,
Speaker 2: and I can't wait to chat about it all next time.
Speaker 3: We chat next time.
Speaker 2: Time today, But we have a very special guest waiting
Speaker 2: in the waiting room. Her name is Gabrielle Bernstein. She's phenomenal,
Speaker 2: She's an amazing motivational speaker. She's got a new book
Speaker 2: out called self Help. This is your chance to change
Speaker 2: your life. Given it's twenty twenty five and a new year,
Speaker 2: let's all get on the journey. Hi, guys, Gabrielle Bernstein,
Speaker 2: you dreamboat, get in here. Every time I say your name,
Speaker 2: and this is probably just my childhood, but the Bernstein
Speaker 2: you know the book, Thank you, but that's where I go.
Speaker 2: I'm like, we're the best. There was so good anyways,
Speaker 2: but not as.
Speaker 3: Good as your bucks. I don't remember anything about the
Speaker 3: baron Steed Bears. To be very honest with you, I
Speaker 3: don't have any Mabby. How old are you forty five?
Speaker 2: Okay? Yeah, I thought we were all kind of like
Speaker 2: ish the same seas.
Speaker 3: Yeah, how old are you girls?
Speaker 2: How old are you, guys, I just turned forty one
Speaker 2: forty forty three almost in a month. Well, no, this
Speaker 2: is airs in January, so sorry, Oh forty three forty.
Speaker 3: Five is another level of all of this.
Speaker 2: Hey, what is the difference between forty five and we're
Speaker 2: forty collagen forty one to forty three?
Speaker 3: In my experience, Harry menopause? Uh huh, girls, call me,
Speaker 3: get my number.
Speaker 2: I will be What is the number one thing that
Speaker 2: you're experiencing with perry montpause?
Speaker 3: Well, I'm not experiencing any of it anymore because I'm
Speaker 3: on HRT. I'm on hormone replacement therapy. Think the Good
Speaker 3: Lord and saved my life. The new message is like,
Speaker 3: get on it earlier and get ahead of it. And
Speaker 3: it's the best thing that ever happens to me, because
Speaker 3: I'm like, wow, I probably needed this a decade ago
Speaker 3: because I think I was in perimenopause. You can go
Speaker 3: into perimenopause about ten should we record this? Are we're recording?
Speaker 3: Go good, We'll believe the thuck.
Speaker 2: Don't worry. I don't.
Speaker 3: I don't believe any fuck No, actually I do. So
Speaker 3: we go into perimenopause about ten years before we're actually
Speaker 3: in menopause. And so when I was in my mid thirties,
Speaker 3: I was like sweating at night, having brain fog, I
Speaker 3: was having fertility. It took me till thirty nine to
Speaker 3: conceive to deliver my son. So there was all these things,
Speaker 3: but I was never informed that this was these were
Speaker 3: perimenopausal symptoms. And then I did a lot of IVF
Speaker 3: later in life for a second pregnancy, which which unfortunately
Speaker 3: did not lat I couldn't keep. But that really busted
Speaker 3: out all my eggs and so then I went into perimenopause.
Speaker 3: I went into very close you know, really in close
Speaker 3: to menopausal numbers now at forty five. And the miracle
Speaker 3: is that I learned everything I could about it, became
Speaker 3: an expert in menopause. So if you ever need my help,
Speaker 3: I'm here for you.
Speaker 2: And I love that well definitely will be you know,
Speaker 2: like let the patch.
Speaker 3: I've got my estrogen, my progesterone and my estrogen on
Speaker 3: my face, like the whole thing.
Speaker 2: I have a question and the just when you get
Speaker 2: because you know you're a motivational speaker, you have all
Speaker 2: these books about being your best self and how to
Speaker 2: get there, and when you struggle, what do you what
Speaker 2: is the best tip that you take from everything that
Speaker 2: you talk about, or like what's I guess where's where
Speaker 2: do you struggle? And then what's the thing that helps
Speaker 2: you kind of get back up?
Speaker 3: Well, the answer to getting back up actually is what's
Speaker 3: in the new book. So this is my tenth book
Speaker 3: self help, and the four step practice it's in that
Speaker 3: book is something I do every single day because it's
Speaker 3: the thing that saved my life, and that's why I've
Speaker 3: decided to write an entire book about it. And so
Speaker 3: I'll talk to you a lot about that a lot today.
Speaker 3: But but I think I've hit big bottoms in my life,
Speaker 3: really big bottoms. We all have. Everyone here has had
Speaker 3: experiences that have been really tough. And for me, my
Speaker 3: girlfriend was talking with me the other day and she's like,
Speaker 3: you know, we all have tough moments, but you've got
Speaker 3: some tsunamis, Gabby. I was like, got some tsunamis. And so,
Speaker 3: like these kind of conversations of these these experiential moments
Speaker 3: and time like postpartum or perimenopause or fertility, for me,
Speaker 3: they were tsunamis. And right now, this most recent experience
Speaker 3: of being hit with really hardcore menopause and and being
Speaker 3: really thrown into emotional upheaval. My brain wasn't working. My
Speaker 3: most extreme rage I've ever felt in my life, like
Speaker 3: if I had had a I could have murdered. You know,
Speaker 3: That's where I was at. And that's not an uncommon thing,
Speaker 3: but it doesn't happen to everyone, but for me, it
Speaker 3: was so extreme. So there's two things that happened, and
Speaker 3: I had to realize, Okay, this is a hormonal imbalance,
Speaker 3: and no amount of self help or personal development or
Speaker 3: spiritual connection can actually save me here other than prayer,
Speaker 3: prayer for answers, and prayer for medical support. That was it, right,
Speaker 3: because you have to know the difference. If you're having
Speaker 3: a biochemical condition or you're having a hormonal upheaval. Your
Speaker 3: self help tools are only going to be able to
Speaker 3: get you so far, but you're going to need medical
Speaker 3: support period. That's the answer. And I want to always
Speaker 3: go on the record saying that because I'm never going
Speaker 3: to spiritually whitewash our hormonal or brain issues. Yeah, Okay,
Speaker 3: it's just too important to say that. But now that
Speaker 3: I'm back at baseline, I'm not losing my mind anymore.
Speaker 3: My self help tools really work.
Speaker 2: And which are helpless.
Speaker 3: So right now I think that the greatest, the greatest
Speaker 3: contribution I can give people is the four steps inside
Speaker 3: self Help. So the book is called self Help. This
Speaker 3: is your Chance to change your life, and it's based
Speaker 3: on a therapy that changed my life, and I, with
Speaker 3: the blessing of the founder of this therapy called Internal
Speaker 3: Family Systems Therapy, I went on and became trained in it,
Speaker 3: became a practitioner in this therapy, and then with the
Speaker 3: blessing of Dick Schwartz, the founder, wrote a self help
Speaker 3: book based on the therapy. So the book is my method.
Speaker 3: It's a self help method, but it's informed by the
Speaker 3: principles of a world renowned therapy. And the book is
Speaker 3: there to help us heal the core beliefs and patterns
Speaker 3: and sort of the maybe we call them bad habits
Speaker 3: or protection mechanisms that have been holding us back. And
Speaker 3: we all can probably identify one or more beliefs or
Speaker 3: patterns or behaviors that we may find undesirable. Yeah, you
Speaker 3: guys with me on that. And if I were to
Speaker 3: ask you how long of those beliefs or patterns or
Speaker 3: behavior has been around, what might you say?
Speaker 2: I mean some stem from childhood six is usually my
Speaker 2: childhood six, thirteen and thirty middle mid thirties are like
Speaker 2: my pivotal like on nineteen yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would say since nineteen eighty two, so when
Speaker 4: you were little, yeah yeah, solid. I mean so much
Speaker 4: even if we don't remember, is already in our DNA
Speaker 4: when we're growing up in tumultuous, crazy environments like that.
Speaker 3: And so that's right.
Speaker 4: That is actually one of my questions for you, because
Speaker 4: I know that you grew up kind of like a
Speaker 4: little bit anchored in spirituality, right because your mom isn't
Speaker 4: your mom as a spiritual person, right, So you had
Speaker 4: that like kind of grounding force. And I got really
Speaker 4: excited when I learned what this book was about because
Speaker 4: I think I've done a lot of therapy, also a
Speaker 4: lot of hormone replacement therapy, so I feel like I'm
Speaker 4: at a good base, but so much.
Speaker 2: Of those like last little bits of like lid that.
Speaker 4: I still put on myself, I think are still and
Speaker 4: I've done EMDR and all of that mean like I'm.
Speaker 2: In Gabby, I'm trying. You're my girl, but I can
Speaker 2: tell that there's still a couple of.
Speaker 4: Things and it's not that I don't believe in myself.
Speaker 4: Actually like myself for the first time, so that's exceptional.
Speaker 4: Like I actually like really dig me, which feels good
Speaker 4: to say out loud, but there's still something that's whispering
Speaker 4: in the back. Yeah, and internal family system stuff really
Speaker 4: does shape who we are.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, well let me clarify that for you. First
Speaker 3: of all, you're my dream reader, so I'm so excited
Speaker 3: that we'll get books in your hands. So internal family
Speaker 3: systems actually isn't about our external family at all. It's
Speaker 3: about an inner family of parts of us. So inside
Speaker 3: all of us are lots of little protection mechanisms. They're
Speaker 3: young parts of us that are working really hard to
Speaker 3: protect us. So those patterns and the behavior, like for me,
Speaker 3: it was control or addictive patterns, which kind of goes
Speaker 3: hand in hand with control or the belief that if
Speaker 3: I'm not doing it, nobody else will. These have been
Speaker 3: around for decades and decades, and those patterns are protection mechanisms,
Speaker 3: and those protect we can call them protector parts for
Speaker 3: the sake of the book. And who are these protector parts.
Speaker 3: Who are these protection mechanisms actually protecting? They're protecting very
Speaker 3: very young exiled parts of us. So as children, we
Speaker 3: experienced trauma with a big ta, trauma with a small tea.
Speaker 3: You know, trauma with the small tea might be always
Speaker 3: bullied in class. Big tea is sexual abuse or neglect
Speaker 3: or having an alcoholic parent, or attachment breach, and so
Speaker 3: we all have these trauma moments and they're so extreme
Speaker 3: for our little brains as young people, and we don't
Speaker 3: have parents typically to help us resource or process these experiences.
Speaker 3: So as a result, we meet mediately as little people
Speaker 3: go into protection mechanism. That's why when we look at
Speaker 3: these patterns, beliefs, and behaviors, we can say, oh, they
Speaker 3: stem back so far when I was like six years
Speaker 3: old or five years older, before I could even remember,
Speaker 3: because from very young ages we went into protector mode.
Speaker 3: And those protection mechanisms are protecting young exiled feelings of
Speaker 3: being unsafe, inadequate, unlovable, not good enough, and we never
Speaker 3: wanted to feel that feeling, so right away we built
Speaker 3: up the protection mechanism. I'm going to be a perfectionist
Speaker 3: so I feel loved. I'm going to be a control
Speaker 3: freak because if I'm not in control, I feel completely
Speaker 3: unsafe or I'm going to be and then that control
Speaker 3: can turn into addiction. Right, So, we have all these
Speaker 3: kinds of false protections that have been running our lives,
Speaker 3: and this entire book that I've written is about how
Speaker 3: to befriend those protection mechanisms and treat them like little
Speaker 3: children and compassionately connect to those parts of ourselves so
Speaker 3: that we can access an inner healer and feel relief
Speaker 3: the first time in our life.
Speaker 2: And what is like the one the best tool within
Speaker 2: those that has helped you the most, Like.
Speaker 3: Well, here's the cool news. The whole book is one tool.
Speaker 3: It's a four step practice. That's that's why I love
Speaker 3: it. It's not like, oh, you've to open this book and
Speaker 3: have a million different tools. This is a four step
Speaker 3: practice called the four step check in. And so I
Speaker 3: cant do it with you guys right now? Do I
Speaker 3: just do it? I want to just experience? Yes, Okay,
Speaker 3: So you guys are familiar and the listener is probably
Speaker 3: familiar with a belief, a pattern, or a extreme behavior
Speaker 3: or a habit that maybe isn't really wait, something that's
Speaker 3: not very desirable in your life. Yep, okay, So instead
Speaker 3: of normally you might check out and just go into
Speaker 3: that extreme pattern to check out from whatever you're feeling inside,
Speaker 3: so you get triggered and then you go to that
Speaker 3: behavior pattern or belief because that's your way of protecting yourself.
Speaker 3: So right now, instead of checking out, we're going to
Speaker 3: choose to check in, which is the first step. So
Speaker 3: just making that choice with me right now, to choose
Speaker 3: to check in with this part of you is everybody
Speaker 3: with me? You got buy in from you all? Yeah,
Speaker 3: think to check in, focusing your attention inward.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 3: The second step is to become curious about that part
Speaker 3: of yourself. And this is where you'd ask some questions.
Speaker 3: So asking that part, how long have you been around?
Speaker 3: You guys can answer me. You said six young.
Speaker 2: Yeah, second age yeah yeah six yeah? What is your age? Cat?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I've blocked out a lot younger than fifteen,
Speaker 1: so I always kind of go back to fifteen, but
Speaker 1: I think it's younger than that for sure.
Speaker 3: Okay, gorgeous, Good Now asking if these parts of yourself
Speaker 3: just checking in a little bit more. You might even
Speaker 3: want to close your eyes if you feel called to
Speaker 3: check in a little further and just get a little
Speaker 3: bit of information. So, are there any thoughts or feelings
Speaker 3: or sensations that this part wants to reveal, And you
Speaker 3: don't have to say it. Just just listen to my
Speaker 3: voice and I'll guide you any thoughts, feelings, sensations, images,
Speaker 3: words that want to come forward when you become curious
Speaker 3: about this part of yourself. If you get a little
Speaker 3: bit more information, just give that part of you some
Speaker 3: permission to reveal whatever it wants you to know. Becoming
Speaker 3: a little bit more curious, just let the part of
Speaker 3: you know that anything else it wants you to know
Speaker 3: about can come forward in whatever way feel safe. And
Speaker 3: now in the third step, we'll compassionately connect to this
Speaker 3: part of you and asking that part what do you need?
Speaker 3: And don't overthink it. Just listen, let it speak up
Speaker 3: and noticing what it says, take a deep breath and
Speaker 3: just put your hand on your heart and give it
Speaker 3: some breath and let it know that you've heard what
Speaker 3: it's asked for. And now the fourth step is to
Speaker 3: check in and see how you feel right now. How
Speaker 3: do you feel in your body? Are you feeling any
Speaker 3: sensations of calmness or curiosity? Just notice what's coming through
Speaker 3: and let me know how you feel right now guys.
Speaker 2: My r ring is telling me I'm calm yeap.
Speaker 3: Whenever I do, it's calmer. Yeah, yeah, like.
Speaker 4: A deep It was weird because when you asked me
Speaker 4: to identify with the feeling I felt it. I always
Speaker 4: throw those part chests in my back, like I get
Speaker 4: very anxious. And then as we were, when I got
Speaker 4: my answer, I just felt my whole body kind of
Speaker 4: melt a little bit.
Speaker 3: Excellent, A'm melting a calmness. Do you feel connected to
Speaker 3: that part of you?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Did you notice that? Yeah?
Speaker 4: I think what's interesting is all the work and we,
Speaker 4: ironically all three of us see the same therapists.
Speaker 2: I just got back from therapy today when I saw
Speaker 2: that one up.
Speaker 4: But I think all of us have gotten like such
Speaker 4: a good tool support from Amy that it's interesting because
Speaker 4: when I got my answer, I was like, oh, well,
Speaker 4: like in my brain, I'm like, well I can supply
Speaker 4: myself that.
Speaker 3: Yes, ma'am, that's right. That's right, because all the therapy
Speaker 3: you've been doing has been helping you access what's called self.
Speaker 3: And self is your adult resourced, undamaged, curious, compassionate, calm, connected, confident, courageous, creative, clear.
Speaker 3: These are these c qualities of self. Self is often
Speaker 3: like the inner healer, it's like the God within us,
Speaker 3: it's like the spirit within us, the intuitive force within us.
Speaker 3: We always have access to self. And in the book,
Speaker 3: I share this quote by IFS practitioner Stephen Kranz, and
Speaker 3: the quote says that self is like the sun behind
Speaker 3: the clouds, and self is always there, but the clouds
Speaker 3: are in the way, and when those clouds dissipate, this
Speaker 3: self energy can emerge. So these four steps are about
Speaker 3: connecting to the clouds and compassionately, curiously connecting to those clouds,
Speaker 3: which are the protections. And as we start to connect them,
Speaker 3: they soften and relax. And then, as you guys said,
Speaker 3: calmness emerged that self. And so your inner healer, your
Speaker 3: internal parent, the resource you've always longed, we all have
Speaker 3: always longed for, is actually inside of us. We have
Speaker 3: access to that support, that calmness, and that clarity and
Speaker 3: that compassion, and so when we do this practice, we
Speaker 3: can let it emerge naturally. And then because you guys
Speaker 3: have been doing the therapy, you've already begin to acquire
Speaker 3: a lot of that self energy calmness. So this practice
Speaker 3: will really tip for both for all three of you,
Speaker 3: it'll be like, I think people who are already therapy
Speaker 3: therapeutically inclined are going to have a real like Wow,
Speaker 3: that practice just nails it for me and beautiful because
Speaker 3: it's non pathologizing. It's not like we're judging ourselves or
Speaker 3: telling ourselves we've done anything wrong. It's befriending these parts
Speaker 3: of ourselves and getting to know these parts of ourselves.
Speaker 2: So yeah, it takes the shame away from those little pieces.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah too.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah.
Speaker 2: When you're out speaking and you're meeting people, what are
Speaker 2: the people want to hear the most from you? Like,
Speaker 2: where are they stuck the most? And what do you
Speaker 2: think they're wanting to hear the most?
Speaker 3: Well, I mean people want a quick fix and they
Speaker 3: want to manifest, and so I think that's what I
Speaker 3: think the most desire, the biggest desire is like how
Speaker 3: do I get to that thing that's going to make
Speaker 3: me happy? And I honestly think that what we're doing
Speaker 3: right here is actually the real manifesting flex because we
Speaker 3: manifest what we believe, and so if our belief systems
Speaker 3: are not in alignment with what it is that we want,
Speaker 3: which they aren't ninety nine point nine percent of time.
Speaker 3: Then we're not going to manifest what we desire, or
Speaker 3: we will manifest it because we thought about it a lot,
Speaker 3: but then we won't be able to keep it. The
Speaker 3: real manifesting is to heal the beliefs so that in
Speaker 3: healing those beliefs, we actually become calm, connected, clear, creative.
Speaker 3: That energy is the energy that is attract that is
Speaker 3: attracting energy, that is your super attractor energy.
Speaker 2: For the person though, that is so chaotic in their
Speaker 2: mind and they're depressed and they feel stuck. They don't
Speaker 2: know which way to go, and they're having a hard
Speaker 2: time finding you know, their why and their purpose and
Speaker 2: where they're going and what they should be doing. Like yes,
Speaker 2: I feel like this four step check in would be
Speaker 2: great for them, but also if you know what else
Speaker 2: would be something that would be beneficial to that person
Speaker 2: that is having a hard time finding the direction when
Speaker 2: they're feeling stuck, because I know for me, like when
Speaker 2: I get in those moments, I'm like I don't know
Speaker 2: which way is up or down or how Like I
Speaker 2: know you just have to start, but like it's it's
Speaker 2: hard when you don't really know your why or your
Speaker 2: purpose or what you're supposed to be doing or and
Speaker 2: it's just it's you're living in kind of a chaotic
Speaker 2: mind frame to even strugg you know, put it where
Speaker 2: it needs to be.
Speaker 3: I want to remind everybody that we could always exercise choice.
Speaker 3: And there's a chapter in the book about how prayer
Speaker 3: is a choice, and so even in those moments when
Speaker 3: we may not actually be able to go and do
Speaker 3: the four step check in, we can we can say
Speaker 3: a prayer. And that's a choice. Actually that's actually the
Speaker 3: first step. It's it's a choice to check rather than
Speaker 3: check out. So we can say, I choose to see
Speaker 3: peace instead of this, I choose to open my heart
Speaker 3: to heal. I welcome creative possibilities for healing, because there
Speaker 3: are plenty of moments in our lives where we're going
Speaker 3: to be in crisis, chaos, overwhelm, and access to enough
Speaker 3: access to our right mind to get into a four
Speaker 3: step practice may not be there, may not be available
Speaker 3: to us. So we may have to say a prayer,
Speaker 3: and then we say that prayer and then an hour
Speaker 3: later the book falls off the shelf, or an hour
Speaker 3: later you're listening and all of a sudden you're listening
Speaker 3: to wind down and this exact message that you need,
Speaker 3: because prayer is a conduit for miracles. A prayer is
Speaker 3: opening up our conscious awareness to possibilities for healing. And
Speaker 3: you can call it a prayer, you can call it
Speaker 3: an intention. I don't care. But if you are at
Speaker 3: your wits end and you're saying, I can't go on
Speaker 3: like this, there has to be a better way. The
Speaker 3: only way up is to intend or pray for clarity
Speaker 3: and a way out, and then the doors can open.
Speaker 3: Then maybe in an hour you feel a little bit
Speaker 3: more calm, and you can go back and open the
Speaker 3: book and do the four steps, or you can go
Speaker 3: to your therapist, you can reach out to a friend.
Speaker 3: That's what I would recommend in those moments of real crisis.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: So recently, you know, six months ago, when I was
Speaker 3: going through a hormonal upheaval, no tool was going to
Speaker 3: help me, but I had prayer, and so I started
Speaker 3: to pray for guidance, and then one next day I
Speaker 3: was guided to a podcast that gave me exactly what
Speaker 3: I needed to know about hormonal health, and then I
Speaker 3: was given the inspiration to learn more. And so it's
Speaker 3: a perceptual shift. First, that's the miracle. And so practicing
Speaker 3: a practice like self help and reading the book and
Speaker 3: practicing it for one minute a day is actually a tool.
Speaker 3: And the more you practice that tool, the easier you
Speaker 3: can access that tool. But sometimes you may not have
Speaker 3: enough awareness to access that tool. Prayer might open the door. Well,
Speaker 3: like any practice or any habit, if we exercise regularly,
Speaker 3: we can pick up and lift more, and lift more
Speaker 3: and lift more. If we practice these types of self
Speaker 3: help tools like self like the four steps, you'll be
Speaker 3: able to do to reach for it more and more
Speaker 3: and more and expand and expand and expand. It becomes
Speaker 3: easier and easier to access, and that self energy becomes
Speaker 3: more expansive inside of you. You just feel safer and safer.
Speaker 3: But it's practice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's It's so interesting because so Alan
Speaker 2: and I, you know, we're good friends with Tim's story
Speaker 2: and we watched, you know, we went to a few
Speaker 2: of his his uh speaking engagements and been chatting with
Speaker 2: him a bunch and he's you know, and I have
Speaker 2: this thing where I'm like, it's going to be okay
Speaker 2: because we kind of can can get in slums with
Speaker 2: our career and you just can you know, be frustrating
Speaker 2: or whatever and you know, trying to uplift each other.
Speaker 2: I'm like, it's going to be a great week because
Speaker 2: it's like, you know, you go to these speeches and
Speaker 2: you guys are very motivational and you know, I've seen
Speaker 2: the stuff that you post online and you know, so
Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, and it's like it's going to be
Speaker 2: a great week. Every time I've said that, it's been
Speaker 2: a week. Like so it's like it's so hard in
Speaker 2: those moments when you're like trying to have the like
Speaker 2: that positive outlook and you're just like pushback down and
Speaker 2: it's like, yeah, you can always pick out one good
Speaker 2: thing from the week, and there's always something, but when
Speaker 2: it's not like it's you know, it's like I'm really glad.
Speaker 3: I'm really glad you said that, because actually believe in affirmations,
Speaker 3: but I don't believe in using affirmations that you don't
Speaker 3: believe in.
Speaker 2: So I really do want to believe it's going to
Speaker 2: be a great week. Like I truly like it's gonna
Speaker 2: be a great week.
Speaker 3: But now I'll make a minor I would make a
Speaker 3: minor adjustment, like I'm welcome and welcome creative possibilities for
Speaker 3: joy this week, m you know, or I like that
Speaker 3: because yeah, that feels That's what I mean. Like, I
Speaker 3: know you believe that that good things will happen, and
Speaker 3: I know you, but affirming it's like we don't want
Speaker 3: to whitewash our feelings and emotions, and so instead that's
Speaker 3: why I love intentions, prayers or affirming affirming what we believe. Right,
Speaker 3: So I welcome creative possibilities. If you're broke, I welcome
Speaker 3: created possibilities for abundance. Or lately, I've been really working
Speaker 3: with a part of myself that's struggled a lot, you know,
Speaker 3: a part of me that's been really controlling, and I
Speaker 3: want to heal that control. And so I just instead
Speaker 3: of saying I'm at it, I'm surrendered, I'm free, I'm
Speaker 3: just saying like, I welcome opportunities to surrender, right, Or
Speaker 3: I'll say things like like I choose to forgive this
Speaker 3: situation and release this situation in the moment and not
Speaker 3: just sort of be like I'm free. I'm free because
Speaker 3: I don't know if I believe that quite yet. Right, Yeah,
Speaker 3: that's a good point.
Speaker 2: And I love the fact that you're honest about that too,
Speaker 2: because so many times it's like when I see people
Speaker 2: that are like yourself and you're up there and I'm
Speaker 2: just like, Okay, they've got it all figured out. But
Speaker 2: it's like, no, you just said that you were having
Speaker 2: a hard time with certain things, and that's a very
Speaker 2: human like. Not everything is perfect, and it doesn't all all.
Speaker 2: It's not all butterflies and rainbows, and we all have hard,
Speaker 2: hard times, hard weeks, hard years, and but there there
Speaker 2: is joy and there's goodness in there, and if you
Speaker 2: use prayer and meditation and things that in the forcep
Speaker 2: check in. Like, I think there's ways to get out
Speaker 2: of those ruts. I think it's just hard for the
Speaker 2: people that don't think they might that they that they
Speaker 2: don't deserve the goodness too. I have someone that I
Speaker 2: love so deeply this it's like just trying so hard
Speaker 2: to believe that they are deserving of that.
Speaker 3: So that would be a part to check in with, right,
Speaker 3: the part that doesn't believe that they deserve.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And then the thing that you just said that was
Speaker 3: so interesting was you said, well, you know, some people
Speaker 3: like you might have it figured all out, right, And
Speaker 3: the funny thing is that at this stage in my life,
Speaker 3: after writing ten self help books and spiritual self help
Speaker 3: books and doing all this work, I actually do think
Speaker 3: I have it figured all it all out, but I
Speaker 3: have to access the tool that I know can figure
Speaker 3: it out right. So it's not like I'm walking around
Speaker 3: being like I'm her happy all the time, but I
Speaker 3: have figured out how to get there and stay there
Speaker 3: and keep shining the crystal every single day to get
Speaker 3: closer and closer to the there that we want to
Speaker 3: be at, right.
Speaker 2: Like You've got all the tools in the box. Like
Speaker 2: I wrote the it's your choice.
Speaker 3: To I wrote the book. I wrote the book self help.
Speaker 3: I'd better here's your mom, I better know how to get.
Speaker 2: Read it back to yourself.
Speaker 3: So does that mean that I don't act out every day? Guys?
Speaker 3: I am probably been acting up more right now because
Speaker 3: I'm getting closer and closer to the healing. Right, So
Speaker 3: the more we get close to the healing, sometimes those
Speaker 3: parts of us can get really activated very easily. So
Speaker 3: the beauty is not that I'm perfect all the time.
Speaker 3: The beauty is I can speak for these parts of
Speaker 3: myself instead of as them. I can say I'm feeling
Speaker 3: really outraged right now rather than being in the rage,
Speaker 3: or I can have the rage, and five minutes later say,
Speaker 3: I'd like to speak for that rage that just came up,
Speaker 3: because it's a part of it. It really needs some
Speaker 3: help and I'm working with it.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Tell me about your married right, yes, okay, tell me
Speaker 4: about Gabby and marriage and this kind of communication, because
Speaker 4: I like, I am a more I'm more of a
Speaker 4: I'm a twenty one twenty one day manifestation challenge gal.
Speaker 4: I've done it before, Like I love you, I'm an
Speaker 4: Oprah girl, you know.
Speaker 2: Like I dig it.
Speaker 4: My husband is the sweetest little redneck man, and he
Speaker 4: is not all in for my theories all of the time.
Speaker 2: You know. Sometimes it's like it's just as simple as
Speaker 2: this baby. You know, Well I was.
Speaker 3: We all wish we could be more like him.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't know. Avoidance is only charming for so long.
Speaker 3: Right, So some of its avoidance, and some people are
Speaker 3: just simple, you know, some people really yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: some people like so it sounds like for him it
Speaker 3: might be manifesting its avoidance. But you know, there are
Speaker 3: some people that just have more simplicity, and that's just
Speaker 3: God bless them, God bless.
Speaker 2: Them, what a beautiful life.
Speaker 3: Well, you know, I wouldn't choose that. I think that
Speaker 3: happy for them that they can have that piece. But
Speaker 3: I like the choice I've made. I'm happy here, I'm learning.
Speaker 3: I would say that when we have a partner that
Speaker 3: doesn't have a shared spiritual belief or personal development belief,
Speaker 3: there's absolutely no way that you could push it upon them.
Speaker 3: Just live it, be it, and let trust trust. This
Speaker 3: trust that is your vibration starts to elevate as you
Speaker 3: begin to heal, as you access more self inside self
Speaker 3: begets more self. So when you're in self, you actually
Speaker 3: begin to spark that self energy in him. I'm telling
Speaker 3: you it's magic.
Speaker 2: I actually believe that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, magic. Think about it. The more calm and compassionate
Speaker 3: and connected and creative you are, what is that going
Speaker 3: to ignite in your spouse? More calm, more compassion, more connection.
Speaker 3: We're really co regulating all day long with our partners,
Speaker 3: So if we change our point of attraction, they begin
Speaker 3: to change.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it does get pretty hot when they start using
Speaker 4: terms like that too.
Speaker 3: Don't use the don't use it, and also don't don't
Speaker 3: talk to them about it no, no, does be it no?
Speaker 2: Be it?
Speaker 4: Well, we had we had like a time a couple
Speaker 4: of years ago that was really really tough for us.
Speaker 4: There's been a few and and it was wild because
Speaker 4: it was hurtful in ways that's not TMZ worthy or anything,
Speaker 4: but it was just wild to me that it was
Speaker 4: the opportunity we needed to kind of like break and rebuild. Yeah,
Speaker 4: but the way I loved him in that I think
Speaker 4: set a tone for our marriage that we've kind of
Speaker 4: taken for two years. Which is so when you say that,
Speaker 4: like the coregulation, I feel it.
Speaker 2: I do.
Speaker 3: I think that the bottoms in our partnerships are often
Speaker 3: the greatest catalyst for healing and growth. They are they're
Speaker 3: then right. So so my husband I actually got remarried
Speaker 3: last weekend very impromptuo. We were at a real bottoming
Speaker 3: out of just some of these parts getting activated and
Speaker 3: I'm just changing so much that I was like, these
Speaker 3: parts of myself no longer want to coexist like this.
Speaker 3: And so we were on some shore road and he's like,
Speaker 3: this is our first day we're meeting, and it's one
Speaker 3: forty five shore line road and we're going to start
Speaker 3: over today and we both decided to. And then later
Speaker 3: we were with my brother and sister in law, I said,
Speaker 3: look up the vows and the ceremony and we walked
Speaker 3: to the water and I was like, marry us and
Speaker 3: we had to redo it wedding.
Speaker 2: I love that. That's great.
Speaker 1: Well, just like on a simpler version of that, speaking
Speaker 1: of like for us at home, it's the simplest things
Speaker 1: of positive and negative. And I've just started not saying
Speaker 1: anything to him and just everything that was out of
Speaker 1: my mouth positive positive, and he started to see that,
Speaker 1: like his comments were negative or you know whatever. So
Speaker 1: I could see a difference in him without even acknowledging
Speaker 1: it or talking about it. I just was very cognizant
Speaker 1: of everything coming out of my mouth being a positive,
Speaker 1: joyful statement, whether I felt that at the moment or not,
Speaker 1: you know. And then I started to see a difference
Speaker 1: in him. It's like he was catching himself because his
Speaker 1: comments or does that make sense, Yeah.
Speaker 2: Because it's lonely when you're.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you kind of.
Speaker 1: Realize over you're like a girl. Everybody's all joyful. And
Speaker 1: then it wasn't bad, but you know, just like little
Speaker 1: things like that. But and then another thing I was
Speaker 1: going to ask like, for me, I'm not as like, uh,
Speaker 1: into therapy. I mean I've seen a therapist. I actually
Speaker 1: don't see her at the moment. I'm not as into
Speaker 1: this stuff as these two girls are. I've definitely dealt
Speaker 1: with a lot of my trauma stuff like that. But
Speaker 1: the thing that comes up for me a lot and
Speaker 1: that I want to ask you about is being very
Speaker 1: overwhelmed with like I'm happy, I love myself, I love
Speaker 1: my family, I feel very content where I am.
Speaker 2: You love what you do, I love what I do.
Speaker 1: You know all those things. Yeah, exactly, I feel very
Speaker 1: very content, But there's this part of me that's like
Speaker 1: I haven't figured out my purpose, you know, But that
Speaker 1: also feels very overwhelming to me, Like I know my
Speaker 1: purpose in God, and I'm you know, I'm a believer
Speaker 1: and all of those things, but that thought of like,
Speaker 1: but what is that purpose? Like why did why did
Speaker 1: God put me here? Am I supposed to just be
Speaker 1: a mom? Am I supposed to just to work? Like
Speaker 1: that has become one of the most overwhelming things to me.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, should I have figured that out? Should
Speaker 1: I have an answer? Is it fine to not have
Speaker 1: an answer? You know?
Speaker 3: Like when you questions around when you said.
Speaker 2: I feel like it's your chest is heavy. Does it
Speaker 2: make you like emotional?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean yes and no. Like at times I'm like,
Speaker 1: it's okay that I don't know. Yeah, but I'm like, wait,
Speaker 1: I think you do know.
Speaker 3: I think you do know. You said I know my
Speaker 3: purpose in God. Yeah, what does that mean to you?
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, I definitely know that my purpose on
Speaker 1: this earth for me is to spread the love of
Speaker 1: Jesus and to spread that to my children and to
Speaker 1: other you know, other people. But I think this whole idea.
Speaker 3: Stop full stop, sorry when you're talking of Jesus both stop.
Speaker 3: You just said your purpose. There's no other purpose. That's it. Okay,
Speaker 3: you are living something that so many people may never
Speaker 3: actually understand in a lifetime.
Speaker 2: Right, Please tell me that makes you emotional.
Speaker 1: Emotional. But I guess as a society, I guess it
Speaker 1: just makes you feel like they're supposed to be some
Speaker 1: other purpose.
Speaker 3: What would what would Jesus tell you?
Speaker 1: Well, obviously Jesus. Yeah, okay, okay, I hear you. Okay, No, absolutely,
Speaker 1: that is what Jesus would tell me. I just I
Speaker 1: think that's why sometimes I'm like great with it. And
Speaker 1: then sometimes I'm like, it's like a trigger word these days,
Speaker 1: you know, or not even a trigger word. It's just
Speaker 1: kind of like figuring out your purpose, figuring out your purpose.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I thought I had my purpose, but
Speaker 1: maybe that's just me.
Speaker 3: Let me tell you what your purpose is. Your purpose
Speaker 3: is to be love and spread love. And so the
Speaker 3: fact that you, in such an integrated, connected way, said
Speaker 3: I'm here to spread the love of Jesus to my
Speaker 3: children and the people around me is one of the
Speaker 3: most beautiful things I've ever heard because it's so integrated.
Speaker 3: It wasn't words, it was knowing. And that is your purpose,
Speaker 3: my love. And and you're doing that through this show,
Speaker 3: and you're doing that with your children. You're doing that
Speaker 3: at the grocery store, and you're doing that through a
Speaker 3: DM and you're doing that. That is that is your purpose,
Speaker 3: period And you do that wherever you go and however
Speaker 3: you choose to do that. And if you get that
Speaker 3: in the way that I know you do, then you
Speaker 3: are fulfilling your function here.
Speaker 2: Hey, well I think too it like I don't know
Speaker 2: if this is the right words. Dare the society is like,
Speaker 2: is that enough maybe, or is it has to be
Speaker 2: a tangible thing or some shiny, shiny or bright where
Speaker 2: it's like, no, that is actually the most beautiful thing ever.
Speaker 1: Like she said, would Jesus told me? Not what everybody
Speaker 1: else around them tell me?
Speaker 3: Exactly?
Speaker 2: Humanous is where I think we trip sometimes.
Speaker 3: And let me ask you another question. When you are
Speaker 3: spreading the love of Jesus, how do you feel.
Speaker 2: Fulfilled?
Speaker 3: Fulfilled?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 3: Happy? And so? What do we want from our purpose?
Speaker 3: Happiness and fulfillment?
Speaker 2: You know what I think you should do. You've got
Speaker 2: the cats out of the bag. You should you should
Speaker 2: also do cats out of the Bible. Oh man, that
Speaker 2: could be. You know, it's like the giving you know,
Speaker 2: talking and I was, I kind of be really honest
Speaker 2: with you. It's like an honest friend moment, like I
Speaker 2: don't like I know, you know you've told me like
Speaker 2: a few things, but I would love to have you
Speaker 2: speak more of it to me. Since I'm a new
Speaker 2: you know, I've just gotten baptized a couple of years ago.
Speaker 2: I'm still trying to figure out you're trying to learn
Speaker 2: something I would I would love it, as you know,
Speaker 2: you're my best friend to how you actually speak more
Speaker 2: of it and not because I don't really hear you
Speaker 2: really talk about it a lot. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I will say there are certain instances where and
Speaker 1: I will be completely honest with you. I pray about
Speaker 1: this actually often. This is an interesting moment. I have always,
Speaker 1: for some reason with you held back why. I mean
Speaker 1: there's reasons. There's definitely reasons.
Speaker 2: Because I had a child on a wedlock. Oh god, no,
Speaker 2: because I'm a sinner.
Speaker 6: Nothing when it comes to getting and getting married. I mean, okay,
Speaker 6: nothing that you've done.
Speaker 1: No, I mean, do you want me to be honest
Speaker 1: this daddy? Yeah, no, it's nothing bad. But you know,
Speaker 1: we had things years ago where things were said about
Speaker 1: Nick and about how he was kind of active, holier
Speaker 1: than now, or talked about Biden.
Speaker 2: Who said that me and you had a thing.
Speaker 1: But it was just a long time ago. It was
Speaker 1: a long time ago, and so I just kind of
Speaker 1: I took that and I was like, Okay, she doesn't
Speaker 1: want to hear it, and so I kind of that's
Speaker 1: where I struggle with my purpose is if I know
Speaker 1: people are not I do struggle because I don't want
Speaker 1: to also push it. So it's kind of this balance.
Speaker 1: That's hard for me and I don't want to come
Speaker 1: off as you know, in these days it's it's become
Speaker 1: a negative.
Speaker 3: Well, let me just say one thing. Janna just said,
Speaker 3: can you talk more about it?
Speaker 2: She did?
Speaker 1: I know I left you're you're right, I know, so you.
Speaker 3: May be that that that belief.
Speaker 2: To hear it too, because I hate you weren't like
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like I was like God
Speaker 2: gave me another marriage, and I don't believe in that,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like.
Speaker 1: You absolutely were not in the place to hear it.
Speaker 1: And that's another reason why I did. And this isn't
Speaker 1: putting that on you. Sorry that it's not putting it
Speaker 1: on you, putting it on me.
Speaker 3: It's actually really beautiful what I'm witnessing. Because sorry to interrupt,
Speaker 3: because this is a beautiful conversation. You have my interview,
Speaker 3: you have my interview. This is so cool. So Janna
Speaker 3: wasn't ready to receive it, so you didn't give it.
Speaker 3: And that's an important thing about being a teacher of God,
Speaker 3: because you don't if you try to enforce the love
Speaker 3: of Jesus, if that's your language right from you, it
Speaker 3: would be you know, spreading the love of God. Right,
Speaker 3: if you try to put that onto somebody when they're
Speaker 3: not ready to receive it, it will fall on deaf
Speaker 3: years and that will be even more heartbreaking for you,
Speaker 3: for both of you. Really, yes, absolutely right, So you're
Speaker 3: so Jesus was guiding you not to speak for that,
Speaker 3: but to be that energy. Right, So you were being
Speaker 3: the love of Jesus when she was going through those
Speaker 3: hard times, and that's why you're best friends. So speaking
Speaker 3: for it and being it, it's just really as the messenger,
Speaker 3: you have to decide what tool am I going to
Speaker 3: use now to speak on behalf of his love or
Speaker 3: beyond that, on behalf of his love?
Speaker 1: And now, I mean, and that's so true. Sorry not
Speaker 1: to cut you off, but thinking through that, that's kind
Speaker 1: of what I would pray about at that time, was
Speaker 1: how to still be a friend and show that but
Speaker 1: not push it on you because you you were definitely
Speaker 1: were not in a place for that. And that's totally fine,
Speaker 1: and you have I mean, it's this was so long ago,
Speaker 1: and it's it's again, it's not but that's such a
Speaker 1: good point. I think that's what I tried to do.
Speaker 1: But now I hear you and you saying that.
Speaker 2: Some scripture on us, or when I'm like in my
Speaker 2: shame and you're like, well God says, I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 2: thank you. I need like I need those reminders. I
Speaker 2: don't really know his word as well as you do,
Speaker 2: or as well as you do, you know, like I
Speaker 2: I want more of that in my life because that's
Speaker 2: what I want. I want the peace of it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, yeah, absolutely, peace and the piece.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is the coolest podcast interview I've ever had.
Speaker 1: I feel so I like I could just do anything,
Speaker 1: checked in.
Speaker 3: We checked in and got right. And we need more
Speaker 3: powerful women speaking on behalf of the God of their
Speaker 3: own understanding right and speaking with authority around that, because yes,
Speaker 3: that's that's how we heal mm hm and I can
Speaker 3: hear and we can hear it when it's so grounded
Speaker 3: and authentic. The words don't really matter. The the lexicon
Speaker 3: doesn't matter, but the energy and the conviction around it
Speaker 3: is what matters.
Speaker 4: I think these these friendships are for sure a love
Speaker 4: like Jesus to me. I mean, we've always would always
Speaker 4: that we have seen each other through is monumental, But
Speaker 4: I feel like we've always all showed up in really
Speaker 4: christ like ways for each other to.
Speaker 2: Shut up in a boom box a couple of months ago.
Speaker 2: Sometimes it's a boom box.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's like again you know, knowing that you say that,
Speaker 1: it's like I have always so you know, I have
Speaker 1: always felt that with any relationship, not because me and
Speaker 1: you are as close and as long, but that God
Speaker 1: put us. I mean, I've ever felt more like Christ
Speaker 1: put a relationship together than the Jana ever. Yeah, So
Speaker 1: hearing that is also very healing, you know, to like
Speaker 1: talk about that and to know that because I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, just the way our friendship has been, the
Speaker 1: way we've worked together, It's like God take me where
Speaker 1: you want, and He just keeps taking me back to Janna.
Speaker 2: Rerouting that was I loved that. I mean, it's it's
Speaker 2: uh speaking to your book and what happens when you
Speaker 2: check in.
Speaker 3: You know, you know what, That's exactly right, because we
Speaker 3: did a check in and we got to self and
Speaker 3: self is God. Self is Self is that Christ nature
Speaker 3: inside self is the Buddha nature, the love nature that
Speaker 3: whatever you call it m hm, and that self energy
Speaker 3: needs to manifest more on this show. In the Voice
Speaker 3: of Jesus and the Love of Jesus please, I want
Speaker 3: to listen to that. I will tune in for that
Speaker 3: every day.
Speaker 2: What is your favorite quote that you live and swear by.
Speaker 2: I'm just I always loved to know people's faith.
Speaker 3: It's the roomy quote, the wound is the place where
Speaker 3: the light enters.
Speaker 5: You m.
Speaker 2: I like that. Oh, Gabby, I love you more today
Speaker 2: than I did yesterday.
Speaker 3: I love you guys so much. I can't wait to
Speaker 3: go on our full retreat.
Speaker 2: Easy to tell us everything about aging. What a way
Speaker 2: to start the new year, Gabby, Thank you so much.
Speaker 2: Everyone gets self help. This is your chance to change
Speaker 2: your life. It's available now. Happy New Year, everybody.
Speaker 3: Happy New Year, guys,