WEBVTT - Checking In with Gabby Bernstein 0:00:01.880 --> 0:00:05.359 Wind down with Jane Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio Podcast. 0:00:07.080 --> 0:00:11.879 Happy New Year five. I love this crazy here. So 0:00:11.960 --> 0:00:13.560 excited to ring in the new year with you girls, 0:00:13.600 --> 0:00:16.920 and I can't wait to chat about it all next time. 0:00:17.200 --> 0:00:19.120 We chat next time. 0:00:19.400 --> 0:00:23.120 Time today, But we have a very special guest waiting 0:00:23.280 --> 0:00:28.600 in the waiting room. Her name is Gabrielle Bernstein. She's phenomenal, 0:00:28.760 --> 0:00:32.000 She's an amazing motivational speaker. She's got a new book 0:00:32.000 --> 0:00:35.000 out called self Help. This is your chance to change 0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:37.360 your life. Given it's twenty twenty five and a new year, 0:00:37.760 --> 0:00:43.000 let's all get on the journey. Hi, guys, Gabrielle Bernstein, 0:00:43.159 --> 0:00:46.480 you dreamboat, get in here. Every time I say your name, 0:00:46.640 --> 0:00:48.960 and this is probably just my childhood, but the Bernstein 0:00:49.040 --> 0:00:54.880 you know the book, Thank you, but that's where I go. 0:00:54.960 --> 0:00:59.680 I'm like, we're the best. There was so good anyways, 0:00:59.680 --> 0:01:00.240 but not as. 0:01:00.120 --> 0:01:03.720 Good as your bucks. I don't remember anything about the 0:01:03.720 --> 0:01:05.640 baron Steed Bears. To be very honest with you, I 0:01:05.680 --> 0:01:08.240 don't have any Mabby. How old are you forty five? 0:01:08.959 --> 0:01:10.480 Okay? Yeah, I thought we were all kind of like 0:01:10.760 --> 0:01:12.160 ish the same seas. 0:01:12.319 --> 0:01:14.240 Yeah, how old are you girls? 0:01:14.319 --> 0:01:16.560 How old are you, guys, I just turned forty one 0:01:17.040 --> 0:01:20.480 forty forty three almost in a month. Well, no, this 0:01:20.560 --> 0:01:24.279 is airs in January, so sorry, Oh forty three forty. 0:01:23.800 --> 0:01:26.080 Five is another level of all of this. 0:01:27.120 --> 0:01:30.520 Hey, what is the difference between forty five and we're 0:01:30.560 --> 0:01:32.800 forty collagen forty one to forty three? 0:01:33.120 --> 0:01:38.240 In my experience, Harry menopause? Uh huh, girls, call me, 0:01:38.800 --> 0:01:39.560 get my number. 0:01:40.040 --> 0:01:42.760 I will be What is the number one thing that 0:01:42.760 --> 0:01:44.240 you're experiencing with perry montpause? 0:01:44.480 --> 0:01:46.800 Well, I'm not experiencing any of it anymore because I'm 0:01:46.800 --> 0:01:49.920 on HRT. I'm on hormone replacement therapy. Think the Good 0:01:49.920 --> 0:01:53.560 Lord and saved my life. The new message is like, 0:01:53.680 --> 0:01:57.600 get on it earlier and get ahead of it. And 0:01:57.640 --> 0:01:59.600 it's the best thing that ever happens to me, because 0:01:59.600 --> 0:02:02.160 I'm like, wow, I probably needed this a decade ago 0:02:02.240 --> 0:02:04.160 because I think I was in perimenopause. You can go 0:02:04.160 --> 0:02:08.040 into perimenopause about ten should we record this? Are we're recording? 0:02:08.120 --> 0:02:10.160 Go good, We'll believe the thuck. 0:02:10.200 --> 0:02:12.160 Don't worry. I don't. 0:02:12.240 --> 0:02:15.760 I don't believe any fuck No, actually I do. So 0:02:16.919 --> 0:02:19.840 we go into perimenopause about ten years before we're actually 0:02:19.840 --> 0:02:23.600 in menopause. And so when I was in my mid thirties, 0:02:23.639 --> 0:02:26.640 I was like sweating at night, having brain fog, I 0:02:26.840 --> 0:02:29.880 was having fertility. It took me till thirty nine to 0:02:29.960 --> 0:02:33.520 conceive to deliver my son. So there was all these things, 0:02:33.560 --> 0:02:36.480 but I was never informed that this was these were 0:02:36.520 --> 0:02:39.840 perimenopausal symptoms. And then I did a lot of IVF 0:02:40.000 --> 0:02:44.000 later in life for a second pregnancy, which which unfortunately 0:02:44.000 --> 0:02:48.480 did not lat I couldn't keep. But that really busted 0:02:48.480 --> 0:02:50.880 out all my eggs and so then I went into perimenopause. 0:02:50.960 --> 0:02:53.639 I went into very close you know, really in close 0:02:53.680 --> 0:02:58.919 to menopausal numbers now at forty five. And the miracle 0:02:59.080 --> 0:03:02.320 is that I learned everything I could about it, became 0:03:02.360 --> 0:03:05.799 an expert in menopause. So if you ever need my help, 0:03:05.840 --> 0:03:06.440 I'm here for you. 0:03:06.919 --> 0:03:09.080 And I love that well definitely will be you know, 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:10.480 like let the patch. 0:03:10.840 --> 0:03:14.120 I've got my estrogen, my progesterone and my estrogen on 0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:15.320 my face, like the whole thing. 0:03:16.360 --> 0:03:19.720 I have a question and the just when you get 0:03:19.840 --> 0:03:23.560 because you know you're a motivational speaker, you have all 0:03:23.560 --> 0:03:26.160 these books about being your best self and how to 0:03:26.200 --> 0:03:30.400 get there, and when you struggle, what do you what 0:03:30.560 --> 0:03:34.000 is the best tip that you take from everything that 0:03:34.040 --> 0:03:37.120 you talk about, or like what's I guess where's where 0:03:37.120 --> 0:03:39.400 do you struggle? And then what's the thing that helps 0:03:39.440 --> 0:03:40.640 you kind of get back up? 0:03:41.320 --> 0:03:44.640 Well, the answer to getting back up actually is what's 0:03:44.640 --> 0:03:46.480 in the new book. So this is my tenth book 0:03:46.640 --> 0:03:49.400 self help, and the four step practice it's in that 0:03:49.400 --> 0:03:51.560 book is something I do every single day because it's 0:03:51.560 --> 0:03:53.520 the thing that saved my life, and that's why I've 0:03:53.680 --> 0:03:55.960 decided to write an entire book about it. And so 0:03:56.000 --> 0:03:57.520 I'll talk to you a lot about that a lot today. 0:03:57.600 --> 0:04:02.720 But but I think I've hit big bottoms in my life, 0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:06.400 really big bottoms. We all have. Everyone here has had 0:04:06.640 --> 0:04:11.160 experiences that have been really tough. And for me, my 0:04:11.200 --> 0:04:13.280 girlfriend was talking with me the other day and she's like, 0:04:14.000 --> 0:04:15.920 you know, we all have tough moments, but you've got 0:04:15.920 --> 0:04:21.919 some tsunamis, Gabby. I was like, got some tsunamis. And so, 0:04:22.080 --> 0:04:25.719 like these kind of conversations of these these experiential moments 0:04:25.720 --> 0:04:30.880 and time like postpartum or perimenopause or fertility, for me, 0:04:30.960 --> 0:04:35.720 they were tsunamis. And right now, this most recent experience 0:04:35.720 --> 0:04:40.119 of being hit with really hardcore menopause and and being 0:04:40.360 --> 0:04:45.839 really thrown into emotional upheaval. My brain wasn't working. My 0:04:46.520 --> 0:04:49.200 most extreme rage I've ever felt in my life, like 0:04:49.240 --> 0:04:51.359 if I had had a I could have murdered. You know, 0:04:51.440 --> 0:04:54.320 That's where I was at. And that's not an uncommon thing, 0:04:54.360 --> 0:04:57.240 but it doesn't happen to everyone, but for me, it 0:04:57.320 --> 0:05:00.040 was so extreme. So there's two things that happened, and 0:05:00.160 --> 0:05:02.920 I had to realize, Okay, this is a hormonal imbalance, 0:05:03.279 --> 0:05:05.800 and no amount of self help or personal development or 0:05:05.800 --> 0:05:09.000 spiritual connection can actually save me here other than prayer, 0:05:09.360 --> 0:05:13.479 prayer for answers, and prayer for medical support. That was it, right, 0:05:13.560 --> 0:05:16.560 because you have to know the difference. If you're having 0:05:16.640 --> 0:05:21.279 a biochemical condition or you're having a hormonal upheaval. Your 0:05:21.360 --> 0:05:23.719 self help tools are only going to be able to 0:05:23.760 --> 0:05:26.640 get you so far, but you're going to need medical 0:05:26.680 --> 0:05:29.800 support period. That's the answer. And I want to always 0:05:29.839 --> 0:05:32.200 go on the record saying that because I'm never going 0:05:32.240 --> 0:05:39.040 to spiritually whitewash our hormonal or brain issues. Yeah, Okay, 0:05:39.520 --> 0:05:43.039 it's just too important to say that. But now that 0:05:43.080 --> 0:05:46.000 I'm back at baseline, I'm not losing my mind anymore. 0:05:46.960 --> 0:05:48.640 My self help tools really work. 0:05:48.560 --> 0:05:53.760 And which are helpless. 0:05:54.120 --> 0:05:56.679 So right now I think that the greatest, the greatest 0:05:56.680 --> 0:05:59.320 contribution I can give people is the four steps inside 0:05:59.320 --> 0:06:01.000 self Help. So the book is called self Help. This 0:06:01.080 --> 0:06:03.440 is your Chance to change your life, and it's based 0:06:03.480 --> 0:06:06.359 on a therapy that changed my life, and I, with 0:06:06.440 --> 0:06:09.080 the blessing of the founder of this therapy called Internal 0:06:09.120 --> 0:06:13.000 Family Systems Therapy, I went on and became trained in it, 0:06:13.200 --> 0:06:16.200 became a practitioner in this therapy, and then with the 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:19.280 blessing of Dick Schwartz, the founder, wrote a self help 0:06:19.360 --> 0:06:22.919 book based on the therapy. So the book is my method. 0:06:23.320 --> 0:06:26.680 It's a self help method, but it's informed by the 0:06:26.720 --> 0:06:31.200 principles of a world renowned therapy. And the book is 0:06:31.240 --> 0:06:35.279 there to help us heal the core beliefs and patterns 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:38.359 and sort of the maybe we call them bad habits 0:06:38.440 --> 0:06:43.160 or protection mechanisms that have been holding us back. And 0:06:43.240 --> 0:06:47.200 we all can probably identify one or more beliefs or 0:06:47.240 --> 0:06:51.320 patterns or behaviors that we may find undesirable. Yeah, you 0:06:51.360 --> 0:06:53.839 guys with me on that. And if I were to 0:06:53.880 --> 0:06:57.080 ask you how long of those beliefs or patterns or 0:06:57.120 --> 0:06:59.880 behavior has been around, what might you say? 0:07:00.279 --> 0:07:03.640 I mean some stem from childhood six is usually my 0:07:03.760 --> 0:07:09.920 childhood six, thirteen and thirty middle mid thirties are like 0:07:09.960 --> 0:07:15.800 my pivotal like on nineteen yeah. 0:07:14.600 --> 0:07:17.480 Yeah, I would say since nineteen eighty two, so when 0:07:17.520 --> 0:07:20.960 you were little, yeah yeah, solid. I mean so much 0:07:21.000 --> 0:07:23.160 even if we don't remember, is already in our DNA 0:07:23.200 --> 0:07:26.200 when we're growing up in tumultuous, crazy environments like that. 0:07:26.520 --> 0:07:27.720 And so that's right. 0:07:27.760 --> 0:07:30.000 That is actually one of my questions for you, because 0:07:30.000 --> 0:07:32.880 I know that you grew up kind of like a 0:07:32.880 --> 0:07:36.360 little bit anchored in spirituality, right because your mom isn't 0:07:36.400 --> 0:07:39.480 your mom as a spiritual person, right, So you had 0:07:39.480 --> 0:07:42.520 that like kind of grounding force. And I got really 0:07:42.600 --> 0:07:44.880 excited when I learned what this book was about because 0:07:44.880 --> 0:07:48.200 I think I've done a lot of therapy, also a 0:07:48.240 --> 0:07:51.120 lot of hormone replacement therapy, so I feel like I'm 0:07:51.120 --> 0:07:54.200 at a good base, but so much. 0:07:54.080 --> 0:07:56.560 Of those like last little bits of like lid that. 0:07:56.520 --> 0:08:00.080 I still put on myself, I think are still and 0:08:00.120 --> 0:08:02.760 I've done EMDR and all of that mean like I'm. 0:08:02.560 --> 0:08:05.720 In Gabby, I'm trying. You're my girl, but I can 0:08:05.840 --> 0:08:07.880 tell that there's still a couple of. 0:08:07.840 --> 0:08:11.040 Things and it's not that I don't believe in myself. 0:08:11.120 --> 0:08:13.920 Actually like myself for the first time, so that's exceptional. 0:08:14.080 --> 0:08:16.680 Like I actually like really dig me, which feels good 0:08:16.720 --> 0:08:20.920 to say out loud, but there's still something that's whispering 0:08:21.000 --> 0:08:24.800 in the back. Yeah, and internal family system stuff really 0:08:25.120 --> 0:08:26.560 does shape who we are. 0:08:27.400 --> 0:08:30.080 Yeah, well, well let me clarify that for you. First 0:08:30.080 --> 0:08:32.600 of all, you're my dream reader, so I'm so excited 0:08:32.640 --> 0:08:36.480 that we'll get books in your hands. So internal family 0:08:36.520 --> 0:08:39.640 systems actually isn't about our external family at all. It's 0:08:39.640 --> 0:08:43.559 about an inner family of parts of us. So inside 0:08:43.600 --> 0:08:46.920 all of us are lots of little protection mechanisms. They're 0:08:47.040 --> 0:08:50.679 young parts of us that are working really hard to 0:08:50.760 --> 0:08:55.480 protect us. So those patterns and the behavior, like for me, 0:08:55.520 --> 0:09:01.000 it was control or addictive patterns, which kind of goes 0:09:01.280 --> 0:09:05.079 hand in hand with control or the belief that if 0:09:05.160 --> 0:09:08.480 I'm not doing it, nobody else will. These have been 0:09:08.520 --> 0:09:14.079 around for decades and decades, and those patterns are protection mechanisms, 0:09:14.800 --> 0:09:17.920 and those protect we can call them protector parts for 0:09:17.960 --> 0:09:22.559 the sake of the book. And who are these protector parts. 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:27.080 Who are these protection mechanisms actually protecting? They're protecting very 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:31.040 very young exiled parts of us. So as children, we 0:09:31.160 --> 0:09:34.280 experienced trauma with a big ta, trauma with a small tea. 0:09:34.360 --> 0:09:35.959 You know, trauma with the small tea might be always 0:09:35.960 --> 0:09:40.840 bullied in class. Big tea is sexual abuse or neglect 0:09:41.160 --> 0:09:44.760 or having an alcoholic parent, or attachment breach, and so 0:09:44.800 --> 0:09:48.360 we all have these trauma moments and they're so extreme 0:09:48.559 --> 0:09:52.280 for our little brains as young people, and we don't 0:09:52.320 --> 0:09:56.439 have parents typically to help us resource or process these experiences. 0:09:56.960 --> 0:10:00.959 So as a result, we meet mediately as little people 0:10:01.000 --> 0:10:05.040 go into protection mechanism. That's why when we look at 0:10:05.040 --> 0:10:07.120 these patterns, beliefs, and behaviors, we can say, oh, they 0:10:07.200 --> 0:10:09.400 stem back so far when I was like six years 0:10:09.400 --> 0:10:11.440 old or five years older, before I could even remember, 0:10:11.800 --> 0:10:15.000 because from very young ages we went into protector mode. 0:10:16.040 --> 0:10:20.480 And those protection mechanisms are protecting young exiled feelings of 0:10:20.520 --> 0:10:25.080 being unsafe, inadequate, unlovable, not good enough, and we never 0:10:25.120 --> 0:10:27.240 wanted to feel that feeling, so right away we built 0:10:27.280 --> 0:10:29.760 up the protection mechanism. I'm going to be a perfectionist 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:31.800 so I feel loved. I'm going to be a control 0:10:31.840 --> 0:10:34.839 freak because if I'm not in control, I feel completely 0:10:34.920 --> 0:10:37.240 unsafe or I'm going to be and then that control 0:10:37.400 --> 0:10:41.400 can turn into addiction. Right, So, we have all these 0:10:41.480 --> 0:10:45.800 kinds of false protections that have been running our lives, 0:10:46.960 --> 0:10:49.439 and this entire book that I've written is about how 0:10:49.440 --> 0:10:52.400 to befriend those protection mechanisms and treat them like little 0:10:52.440 --> 0:10:56.640 children and compassionately connect to those parts of ourselves so 0:10:56.679 --> 0:10:59.800 that we can access an inner healer and feel relief 0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:01.160 the first time in our life. 0:11:01.679 --> 0:11:04.640 And what is like the one the best tool within 0:11:04.760 --> 0:11:07.480 those that has helped you the most, Like. 0:11:07.520 --> 0:11:10.079 Well, here's the cool news. The whole book is one tool. 0:11:10.360 --> 0:11:13.040 It's a four step practice. That's that's why I love 0:11:13.080 --> 0:11:14.520 it. It's not like, oh, you've to open this book and 0:11:14.559 --> 0:11:17.480 have a million different tools. This is a four step 0:11:17.720 --> 0:11:21.760 practice called the four step check in. And so I 0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:23.079 cant do it with you guys right now? Do I 0:11:23.240 --> 0:11:25.320 just do it? I want to just experience? Yes, Okay, 0:11:26.000 --> 0:11:28.439 So you guys are familiar and the listener is probably 0:11:28.440 --> 0:11:33.199 familiar with a belief, a pattern, or a extreme behavior 0:11:33.520 --> 0:11:37.400 or a habit that maybe isn't really wait, something that's 0:11:37.440 --> 0:11:42.040 not very desirable in your life. Yep, okay, So instead 0:11:42.040 --> 0:11:44.959 of normally you might check out and just go into 0:11:45.000 --> 0:11:47.720 that extreme pattern to check out from whatever you're feeling inside, 0:11:47.760 --> 0:11:49.719 so you get triggered and then you go to that 0:11:49.760 --> 0:11:53.000 behavior pattern or belief because that's your way of protecting yourself. 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:55.520 So right now, instead of checking out, we're going to 0:11:55.640 --> 0:11:59.839 choose to check in, which is the first step. So 0:12:00.440 --> 0:12:03.760 just making that choice with me right now, to choose 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:06.240 to check in with this part of you is everybody 0:12:06.240 --> 0:12:08.720 with me? You got buy in from you all? Yeah, 0:12:08.800 --> 0:12:11.920 think to check in, focusing your attention inward. 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:12.240 Now. 0:12:13.280 --> 0:12:16.680 The second step is to become curious about that part 0:12:16.720 --> 0:12:19.960 of yourself. And this is where you'd ask some questions. 0:12:20.000 --> 0:12:22.680 So asking that part, how long have you been around? 0:12:24.120 --> 0:12:30.080 You guys can answer me. You said six young. 0:12:29.920 --> 0:12:34.480 Yeah, second age yeah yeah six yeah? What is your age? Cat? 0:12:34.240 --> 0:12:38.280 I don't know. I've blocked out a lot younger than fifteen, 0:12:39.160 --> 0:12:40.920 so I always kind of go back to fifteen, but 0:12:41.000 --> 0:12:42.520 I think it's younger than that for sure. 0:12:42.840 --> 0:12:47.199 Okay, gorgeous, Good Now asking if these parts of yourself 0:12:47.240 --> 0:12:48.560 just checking in a little bit more. You might even 0:12:48.559 --> 0:12:50.680 want to close your eyes if you feel called to 0:12:50.800 --> 0:12:52.640 check in a little further and just get a little 0:12:52.640 --> 0:12:55.600 bit of information. So, are there any thoughts or feelings 0:12:55.720 --> 0:12:59.560 or sensations that this part wants to reveal, And you 0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:02.120 don't have to say it. Just just listen to my 0:13:02.200 --> 0:13:06.880 voice and I'll guide you any thoughts, feelings, sensations, images, 0:13:08.400 --> 0:13:11.240 words that want to come forward when you become curious 0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:15.240 about this part of yourself. If you get a little 0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:19.719 bit more information, just give that part of you some 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:25.400 permission to reveal whatever it wants you to know. Becoming 0:13:25.400 --> 0:13:28.000 a little bit more curious, just let the part of 0:13:28.040 --> 0:13:29.960 you know that anything else it wants you to know 0:13:30.000 --> 0:13:36.679 about can come forward in whatever way feel safe. And 0:13:36.720 --> 0:13:40.120 now in the third step, we'll compassionately connect to this 0:13:40.200 --> 0:13:45.280 part of you and asking that part what do you need? 0:13:47.200 --> 0:13:51.360 And don't overthink it. Just listen, let it speak up 0:13:56.000 --> 0:13:59.840 and noticing what it says, take a deep breath and 0:13:59.880 --> 0:14:01.520 just put your hand on your heart and give it 0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:06.200 some breath and let it know that you've heard what 0:14:06.280 --> 0:14:11.280 it's asked for. And now the fourth step is to 0:14:11.360 --> 0:14:14.439 check in and see how you feel right now. How 0:14:14.440 --> 0:14:17.720 do you feel in your body? Are you feeling any 0:14:17.760 --> 0:14:22.520 sensations of calmness or curiosity? Just notice what's coming through 0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:28.080 and let me know how you feel right now guys. 0:14:27.600 --> 0:14:30.680 My r ring is telling me I'm calm yeap. 0:14:31.000 --> 0:14:34.320 Whenever I do, it's calmer. Yeah, yeah, like. 0:14:34.360 --> 0:14:36.360 A deep It was weird because when you asked me 0:14:36.440 --> 0:14:39.640 to identify with the feeling I felt it. I always 0:14:39.960 --> 0:14:43.040 throw those part chests in my back, like I get 0:14:43.160 --> 0:14:46.240 very anxious. And then as we were, when I got 0:14:46.240 --> 0:14:48.120 my answer, I just felt my whole body kind of 0:14:48.120 --> 0:14:48.920 melt a little bit. 0:14:50.120 --> 0:14:56.720 Excellent, A'm melting a calmness. Do you feel connected to 0:14:56.760 --> 0:14:57.360 that part of you? 0:14:59.480 --> 0:15:01.760 Yeah? 0:15:02.280 --> 0:15:04.360 Did you notice that? Yeah? 0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:06.960 I think what's interesting is all the work and we, 0:15:07.600 --> 0:15:09.560 ironically all three of us see the same therapists. 0:15:09.680 --> 0:15:11.720 I just got back from therapy today when I saw 0:15:11.800 --> 0:15:12.240 that one up. 0:15:13.160 --> 0:15:17.120 But I think all of us have gotten like such 0:15:17.120 --> 0:15:22.400 a good tool support from Amy that it's interesting because 0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:24.520 when I got my answer, I was like, oh, well, 0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:26.320 like in my brain, I'm like, well I can supply 0:15:26.440 --> 0:15:26.920 myself that. 0:15:28.000 --> 0:15:31.480 Yes, ma'am, that's right. That's right, because all the therapy 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:34.880 you've been doing has been helping you access what's called self. 0:15:35.800 --> 0:15:47.120 And self is your adult resourced, undamaged, curious, compassionate, calm, connected, confident, courageous, creative, clear. 0:15:47.440 --> 0:15:50.400 These are these c qualities of self. Self is often 0:15:50.560 --> 0:15:54.600 like the inner healer, it's like the God within us, 0:15:54.640 --> 0:15:58.160 it's like the spirit within us, the intuitive force within us. 0:15:58.480 --> 0:16:01.200 We always have access to self. And in the book, 0:16:01.440 --> 0:16:05.280 I share this quote by IFS practitioner Stephen Kranz, and 0:16:05.640 --> 0:16:07.800 the quote says that self is like the sun behind 0:16:07.840 --> 0:16:10.160 the clouds, and self is always there, but the clouds 0:16:10.160 --> 0:16:13.560 are in the way, and when those clouds dissipate, this 0:16:13.680 --> 0:16:19.000 self energy can emerge. So these four steps are about 0:16:19.000 --> 0:16:25.000 connecting to the clouds and compassionately, curiously connecting to those clouds, 0:16:25.000 --> 0:16:28.360 which are the protections. And as we start to connect them, 0:16:28.400 --> 0:16:30.640 they soften and relax. And then, as you guys said, 0:16:30.760 --> 0:16:37.560 calmness emerged that self. And so your inner healer, your 0:16:37.640 --> 0:16:41.160 internal parent, the resource you've always longed, we all have 0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:44.480 always longed for, is actually inside of us. We have 0:16:44.520 --> 0:16:47.040 access to that support, that calmness, and that clarity and 0:16:47.040 --> 0:16:50.080 that compassion, and so when we do this practice, we 0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:53.240 can let it emerge naturally. And then because you guys 0:16:53.240 --> 0:16:56.160 have been doing the therapy, you've already begin to acquire 0:16:56.200 --> 0:17:00.440 a lot of that self energy calmness. So this practice 0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:02.240 will really tip for both for all three of you, 0:17:02.520 --> 0:17:05.080 it'll be like, I think people who are already therapy 0:17:05.320 --> 0:17:08.840 therapeutically inclined are going to have a real like Wow, 0:17:08.960 --> 0:17:12.960 that practice just nails it for me and beautiful because 0:17:12.960 --> 0:17:16.399 it's non pathologizing. It's not like we're judging ourselves or 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:20.640 telling ourselves we've done anything wrong. It's befriending these parts 0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:24.840 of ourselves and getting to know these parts of ourselves. 0:17:25.600 --> 0:17:27.880 So yeah, it takes the shame away from those little pieces. 0:17:27.880 --> 0:17:28.640 Oh yeah too. 0:17:29.200 --> 0:17:42.360 Oh yeah. 0:17:42.440 --> 0:17:46.679 When you're out speaking and you're meeting people, what are 0:17:46.720 --> 0:17:48.520 the people want to hear the most from you? Like, 0:17:48.560 --> 0:17:50.560 where are they stuck the most? And what do you 0:17:50.560 --> 0:17:52.040 think they're wanting to hear the most? 0:17:52.680 --> 0:17:56.160 Well, I mean people want a quick fix and they 0:17:56.160 --> 0:17:59.320 want to manifest, and so I think that's what I 0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:03.000 think the most desire, the biggest desire is like how 0:18:03.000 --> 0:18:04.520 do I get to that thing that's going to make 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:07.040 me happy? And I honestly think that what we're doing 0:18:07.119 --> 0:18:10.280 right here is actually the real manifesting flex because we 0:18:10.400 --> 0:18:14.360 manifest what we believe, and so if our belief systems 0:18:14.400 --> 0:18:16.320 are not in alignment with what it is that we want, 0:18:16.359 --> 0:18:20.240 which they aren't ninety nine point nine percent of time. 0:18:20.680 --> 0:18:22.560 Then we're not going to manifest what we desire, or 0:18:22.560 --> 0:18:24.640 we will manifest it because we thought about it a lot, 0:18:24.720 --> 0:18:26.399 but then we won't be able to keep it. The 0:18:26.520 --> 0:18:30.000 real manifesting is to heal the beliefs so that in 0:18:30.080 --> 0:18:35.679 healing those beliefs, we actually become calm, connected, clear, creative. 0:18:35.960 --> 0:18:39.000 That energy is the energy that is attract that is 0:18:39.080 --> 0:18:41.880 attracting energy, that is your super attractor energy. 0:18:42.680 --> 0:18:45.320 For the person though, that is so chaotic in their 0:18:45.359 --> 0:18:50.320 mind and they're depressed and they feel stuck. They don't 0:18:50.359 --> 0:18:52.640 know which way to go, and they're having a hard 0:18:52.680 --> 0:18:56.879 time finding you know, their why and their purpose and 0:18:56.920 --> 0:19:01.080 where they're going and what they should be doing. Like yes, 0:19:01.119 --> 0:19:02.840 I feel like this four step check in would be 0:19:02.840 --> 0:19:05.399 great for them, but also if you know what else 0:19:05.440 --> 0:19:08.080 would be something that would be beneficial to that person 0:19:08.119 --> 0:19:10.719 that is having a hard time finding the direction when 0:19:10.720 --> 0:19:13.239 they're feeling stuck, because I know for me, like when 0:19:13.280 --> 0:19:14.960 I get in those moments, I'm like I don't know 0:19:15.000 --> 0:19:16.639 which way is up or down or how Like I 0:19:17.400 --> 0:19:19.800 know you just have to start, but like it's it's 0:19:19.840 --> 0:19:22.880 hard when you don't really know your why or your 0:19:22.920 --> 0:19:25.320 purpose or what you're supposed to be doing or and 0:19:25.359 --> 0:19:27.600 it's just it's you're living in kind of a chaotic 0:19:29.240 --> 0:19:32.440 mind frame to even strugg you know, put it where 0:19:32.440 --> 0:19:32.960 it needs to be. 0:19:33.680 --> 0:19:38.120 I want to remind everybody that we could always exercise choice. 0:19:39.320 --> 0:19:42.479 And there's a chapter in the book about how prayer 0:19:42.600 --> 0:19:47.120 is a choice, and so even in those moments when 0:19:47.240 --> 0:19:51.040 we may not actually be able to go and do 0:19:51.119 --> 0:19:54.880 the four step check in, we can we can say 0:19:54.920 --> 0:19:58.240 a prayer. And that's a choice. Actually that's actually the 0:19:58.280 --> 0:20:00.639 first step. It's it's a choice to check rather than 0:20:00.720 --> 0:20:04.480 check out. So we can say, I choose to see 0:20:04.600 --> 0:20:08.360 peace instead of this, I choose to open my heart 0:20:08.400 --> 0:20:13.200 to heal. I welcome creative possibilities for healing, because there 0:20:13.200 --> 0:20:15.479 are plenty of moments in our lives where we're going 0:20:15.520 --> 0:20:21.600 to be in crisis, chaos, overwhelm, and access to enough 0:20:21.720 --> 0:20:24.320 access to our right mind to get into a four 0:20:24.359 --> 0:20:28.000 step practice may not be there, may not be available 0:20:28.040 --> 0:20:30.280 to us. So we may have to say a prayer, 0:20:30.320 --> 0:20:31.720 and then we say that prayer and then an hour 0:20:31.800 --> 0:20:34.680 later the book falls off the shelf, or an hour 0:20:34.760 --> 0:20:36.800 later you're listening and all of a sudden you're listening 0:20:36.840 --> 0:20:39.520 to wind down and this exact message that you need, 0:20:40.040 --> 0:20:43.199 because prayer is a conduit for miracles. A prayer is 0:20:43.600 --> 0:20:48.919 opening up our conscious awareness to possibilities for healing. And 0:20:48.960 --> 0:20:50.080 you can call it a prayer, you can call it 0:20:50.040 --> 0:20:53.520 an intention. I don't care. But if you are at 0:20:53.560 --> 0:20:55.359 your wits end and you're saying, I can't go on 0:20:55.440 --> 0:20:58.120 like this, there has to be a better way. The 0:20:58.160 --> 0:21:02.320 only way up is to intend or pray for clarity 0:21:02.359 --> 0:21:06.080 and a way out, and then the doors can open. 0:21:06.160 --> 0:21:07.760 Then maybe in an hour you feel a little bit 0:21:07.760 --> 0:21:10.320 more calm, and you can go back and open the 0:21:10.320 --> 0:21:12.600 book and do the four steps, or you can go 0:21:12.760 --> 0:21:14.800 to your therapist, you can reach out to a friend. 0:21:15.680 --> 0:21:18.960 That's what I would recommend in those moments of real crisis. 0:21:19.040 --> 0:21:19.240 Right. 0:21:19.320 --> 0:21:21.800 So recently, you know, six months ago, when I was 0:21:21.840 --> 0:21:24.720 going through a hormonal upheaval, no tool was going to 0:21:24.800 --> 0:21:27.080 help me, but I had prayer, and so I started 0:21:27.080 --> 0:21:29.879 to pray for guidance, and then one next day I 0:21:29.920 --> 0:21:32.560 was guided to a podcast that gave me exactly what 0:21:32.600 --> 0:21:34.639 I needed to know about hormonal health, and then I 0:21:34.720 --> 0:21:38.400 was given the inspiration to learn more. And so it's 0:21:38.960 --> 0:21:44.840 a perceptual shift. First, that's the miracle. And so practicing 0:21:44.880 --> 0:21:47.080 a practice like self help and reading the book and 0:21:47.080 --> 0:21:50.959 practicing it for one minute a day is actually a tool. 0:21:51.840 --> 0:21:54.439 And the more you practice that tool, the easier you 0:21:54.480 --> 0:21:57.600 can access that tool. But sometimes you may not have 0:21:57.760 --> 0:22:01.960 enough awareness to access that tool. Prayer might open the door. Well, 0:22:01.960 --> 0:22:04.600 like any practice or any habit, if we exercise regularly, 0:22:04.640 --> 0:22:06.119 we can pick up and lift more, and lift more 0:22:06.119 --> 0:22:08.920 and lift more. If we practice these types of self 0:22:08.960 --> 0:22:11.760 help tools like self like the four steps, you'll be 0:22:11.800 --> 0:22:13.359 able to do to reach for it more and more 0:22:13.359 --> 0:22:15.760