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Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Chelsea Handler. Welcome to Life Will Be the

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Speaker 1: Death of Me, a production of I Heart Radio. Welcome

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Speaker 1: to our podcast this week, Brandon. Hello. Uh So, this

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Speaker 1: week's episode is of our shows in Chicago. Had two

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Speaker 1: shows in Chicago with Shawn Hey, so we split it,

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Speaker 1: I think, into two episodes, right yeah, spek the next week. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So this week's episode, I do a reading which will

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Speaker 1: play for you next week of one of my chapters.

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Speaker 1: And Sean comes out and immediately starts attacking me for that,

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Speaker 1: So you can listen to that. Right now, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to bring out a very special guest, a native of Chicago.

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Speaker 1: He's been on the show Will and Grace for sixty

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Speaker 1: seven years and his name is Sean Hayes. Come on out, Hi, everybody,

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Speaker 1: how are you? Thank you? Happen all? Remember when Oprah

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Speaker 1: would come out you take a seat, Pixie? That was

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Speaker 1: so condescending, wasn't it to her audience? ChIL You only

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Speaker 1: literally only have ten pages left in the book. Nobody

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Speaker 1: has to buy it. What a fucking asshole, Sean and

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Speaker 1: I I wanted at first, before you start with whatever

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Speaker 1: questions you haven't prepared, I want to talk about believe me.

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Speaker 1: I just learned how to read. But I did an

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Speaker 1: episode of Will and Grace with Sean Uma see Take

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Speaker 1: a Seat where I played a lesbian power couple with

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Speaker 1: my best friend Mary typecasting. I am, I would be

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Speaker 1: a great lesbian. What do you mean? Would I would?

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Speaker 1: I can't, but I would. If I were to do that,

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Speaker 1: I would kill it. I'm sure I've done it until

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Speaker 1: it was my turn, and then I quite no. Thanks,

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Speaker 1: not into going down on your beaver, not into it,

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Speaker 1: and that is why I'm gay. Ah. Anyway, we met

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Speaker 1: on Will and Grace and listen, but we met before that.

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Speaker 1: But but I don't remember that we met on a

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Speaker 1: game show, right, didn't we do some charity games before that? Something? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: quite an impression. I remember saying. I remember saying something

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Speaker 1: to you the first time I met you, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, hey, something about being gay. And You're like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not gay, and I was like, oh, yeah you are.

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Speaker 1: When did I say that? You said I'm not are?

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Speaker 1: You were being funny but I didn't know that, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, you're not. You go I'm not out,

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Speaker 1: and I go, yeah you are? Oh that was were

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Speaker 1: not out? Yes, I was totally out, but I was

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Speaker 1: not out. That's a different interview. It's very boring story.

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Speaker 1: All right, Happy, you want to minimize your gayness, you

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Speaker 1: go ahead and do that. Well, one of us has to,

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Speaker 1: so Sean. I met him on the on Will and Grace,

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Speaker 1: which is a like a television show. It's a television show.

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Speaker 1: A lot of you won't know about it. But it

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Speaker 1: was here for a while, then it went away, and

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Speaker 1: then it came back and it's still here. Yea, and

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Speaker 1: thank you, and I had but you were so stupid,

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Speaker 1: it's so dumb. Wait, you were so good on the show,

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Speaker 1: and she didn't want me to come out and say

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Speaker 1: how great you are. You were still great, and you

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Speaker 1: were really scared, and you were nervous, nervous as fun.

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Speaker 1: And I don't get nervous, because I mean I do,

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Speaker 1: but I I like to make up my own words,

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Speaker 1: not a script. So when I got the script, I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: this is a guidelining. Yeah. I was like, oh this

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Speaker 1: is a guideline. I'll paraphrase this, and they're like, no,

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Speaker 1: you need to say the line. I'm like, I don't

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Speaker 1: know it, and they're like, fucking learn it. I was,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, I hadn't been talked to

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Speaker 1: like that in a long time, so I was like oh.

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Speaker 1: And then I'm in my room like memorizing my lines.

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Speaker 1: It was simple lines like no, and I'd be in

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Speaker 1: the mirror going no, and Mary's like no, not like that,

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Speaker 1: like no, but you've acted a billion times before that.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. It's just too much of a well

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Speaker 1: oiled machine. You guys were so in gear and I

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Speaker 1: was out of my element. And Mary is a professional.

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Speaker 1: I like to wing ship and that usually works for me.

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Speaker 1: I like improv and like you know, and that was

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Speaker 1: not the right space for me because everyone is so

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Speaker 1: tight and and they know what they're doing that I

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Speaker 1: stuck out like a sore thumb. And I hope I

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Speaker 1: never see any of those people again. Yeah, I lovely,

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Speaker 1: hope you come back on. We're good. We're good, We

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Speaker 1: got it. I said to him. I go how badly

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Speaker 1: at my embarrassing And once we did the taping, I

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Speaker 1: was fined by the end of the week because I

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Speaker 1: had to be um. But the rehearsals all week long,

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Speaker 1: We're just getting at myself and I was like, Oh,

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Speaker 1: you suck. You can't even while you were getting huge laughs.

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Speaker 1: The audience just shut up. You know you were talking

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Speaker 1: about me too, I know right now, Well it was

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Speaker 1: a fun show. You're hilarious. But whatever, let's stop rubbing

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Speaker 1: each other's assholes. I bought my phone on here just

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Speaker 1: in case I get a phone call. Um, so the

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Speaker 1: um can I have my phone too? Then I want?

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Speaker 1: I also told Karen Karen her assistant, Karen Karen's the

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Speaker 1: tour manager. Well, she looks like an assistant. She meant.

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Speaker 1: I meant that. I meant the pay grade is higher.

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Speaker 1: She looks like an assistant, is what I meant to say. Um,

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Speaker 1: but um right, Karen, just keep talking to it. Waves

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Speaker 1: to her. Now, Yes, I said you got to read

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Speaker 1: this book. We're gonna do this in Chicago. He's nice

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Speaker 1: enough to say he's gonna come, and we have two shows.

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Speaker 1: He was nice enough to say, yea, No, that's not

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Speaker 1: how this went down. You've said to me, I haven't

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Speaker 1: a Marco Polo? Should I play it? Don't get your

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Speaker 1: phone out? So um Chelsea says to me, um, hey,

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Speaker 1: this because this is how she asks somebody to do something. Hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to Chicago to do the thing. You're cool

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Speaker 1: with going right, you're cool to come because I just

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Speaker 1: I need you to come and do this, and I

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Speaker 1: and I and so so I go, yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, I flying to I have to go

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Speaker 1: to New York. I have to do this and really

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Speaker 1: a fly Chicago, like I don't love to travel. But

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Speaker 1: all my friends who are here tonight, both of you clap, yeah,

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Speaker 1: there they are there they are. They're actually the ushers here. Um.

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Speaker 1: But anyway, rock a duck a duck, A duck a duck.

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Speaker 1: So it would be great if you're two friends from

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Speaker 1: my school. We're both ushers here, Like I keep a

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Speaker 1: touch with two people and they both happen to work

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Speaker 1: at the same theater. It's so weird. But anyway, she's like,

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Speaker 1: you're going, and I was like, okay, fine, i'll go.

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Speaker 1: Are you paying for the trip? She said yes, I

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Speaker 1: go fine, I'm totally going. And then she said, um,

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Speaker 1: but you have to read the book. And I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I can't read. He goes, I can't read. I can't read.

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Speaker 1: I have to read your book. And let me tell

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Speaker 1: you something, it is probably the best book I've ever read.

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Speaker 1: Out of the three I mean, there's The Lion, the

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Speaker 1: witch in the wardrobe, the given tread and and what

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Speaker 1: is it called life will be the death of Me?

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Speaker 1: And let me tell you it is. I'm not. I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm being totally serious that I'm not fucking

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Speaker 1: did I not? Marco pulled you after every chapter and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, this is amazing. We're the

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Speaker 1: exact same person. This is there's so many similarities. The

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Speaker 1: first thing that you read in there that you thought

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Speaker 1: were the same person, well, I saw the word vodka

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Speaker 1: in there. Wait, I want to say something. I want

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Speaker 1: to get back to that, but I have to tell

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Speaker 1: this funny Will and Grace story really quick. No, I

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Speaker 1: want you to, okay, because it makes me laughing. I

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Speaker 1: think it'll make you laugh because she does edibles and

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Speaker 1: I used to smoke pot a lot and um and

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Speaker 1: so I'm gonna get you back on the pot. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna get everybody's like pushing pot on me. I can't.

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Speaker 1: It makes me crazy. It makes me crazy. Now. Um So, anyway,

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Speaker 1: after we tape uh an episode. This is like when

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Speaker 1: we first did the show, I would go back to

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Speaker 1: Max much Nick's house, who was the creator of the show,

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Speaker 1: and we would I think he's okay with me, saying

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Speaker 1: we spoke a little bit and we discussed the evening,

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Speaker 1: like the taping of the show. We just taped and

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Speaker 1: it was fun and we'd laugh, and he just moved

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Speaker 1: in this brand new house and it was unbelievable, was

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Speaker 1: like super high tech, and uh, I was stoned out

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Speaker 1: of my mind. And I'm sitting in the back of

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Speaker 1: his like crazy Hollywood theater in his house, you know

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Speaker 1: how the people have those huge theaters, and it was

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Speaker 1: all brand new equipment, and he's like, let's oh, and

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Speaker 1: he goes. You remember that scene and Castaway where the

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Speaker 1: planes going down and Tom Hanks is in the bathroom

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Speaker 1: and he gets whipped out and it's crazy and they're

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Speaker 1: going down. I'm like, yeah, he goes, let's put that in.

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Speaker 1: Let's just fast forward to that scene. It's incredible, right,

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, yes, let's watch that. And so he

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Speaker 1: goes to his big, huge, fucking you know, TV screen

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Speaker 1: and he has the Castaway thing and he can't figure

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Speaker 1: out how to do it because his brand new house,

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Speaker 1: it's brand new equipment. And I'm way in the back

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Speaker 1: of the theater like this stone onto my mind and

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Speaker 1: I go is that a Sony and he goes, yeah,

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Speaker 1: how did you? I go, those are the new ones

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Speaker 1: their voice activated. And he's like what, And I go,

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Speaker 1: is that a Sony? He goes yeah, I go, those

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Speaker 1: are the new ones. I read all about them, their

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Speaker 1: voice activator. You have to say the name of the

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Speaker 1: movie after you put the DVD in. And he's like

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Speaker 1: and he's like, what the are you talking about? I go,

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Speaker 1: listen to me. I just read all about you have

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Speaker 1: to say the name. And then he's like this really,

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Speaker 1: I go yes. So he puts the DV in and

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Speaker 1: he goes cast away, cast away like that, and I

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Speaker 1: couldn't even breathe. I was laughing so hard. Okay, so

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Speaker 1: let's get back to the buck. So, um tell me.

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna ask you a question. Okay, okay, were there? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Well you said the first thing, Well that that I

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Speaker 1: realized we we were the same. You know that we

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Speaker 1: both have there's five children and our family bilies. You

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Speaker 1: you need attention, I need attention. You felt like and

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Speaker 1: like an outsider your whole life as a kid. You

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Speaker 1: write about that in the book That and what made

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Speaker 1: you feel that way as a kid? What what were

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Speaker 1: the circumstances that made you feel even though you were

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Speaker 1: in a household with two parents and you talk about

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Speaker 1: them a lot, saying how they weren't really present or

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Speaker 1: with you, yet you felt but see, I didn't have

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Speaker 1: a dad and my mom worked all the time, so

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Speaker 1: my mom raised five kids better? Or was your present

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Speaker 1: when she was with you? Guys? Yeah? Well, to to me,

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Speaker 1: she was. She was the best mom ever. She was

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Speaker 1: very loving and supportive and everything until I came out no,

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Speaker 1: and then she was great. She did like a one.

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Speaker 1: Uh but uh, I was like great, now I don't

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Speaker 1: have a mom or dad, and then I would just

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Speaker 1: cry and leave, like but so but you now, So

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Speaker 1: tell me what made you feel that way, because I

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Speaker 1: don't know that I would have felt that way even

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Speaker 1: with two parents, but you had the parents, and yet

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Speaker 1: you still felt the same as me. I felt like

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Speaker 1: an outsider because my family was just not traditional and

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Speaker 1: my dad was just a mess. He was a used

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Speaker 1: car dealer. So there was just ship at my like

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Speaker 1: our family, like it looked like Sandford and Son our house,

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Speaker 1: and we lived in this kind of like upper middle

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Speaker 1: class Jewish neighborhood. So everybody else's parents were like normal,

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Speaker 1: and then had to your mom was Jewish and your

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Speaker 1: dad my mom was Mormon. Who I thought she was

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Speaker 1: Jewish until I was ten and then I was revealed

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Speaker 1: to me that she was Mormon. I'm like, oh, this

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Speaker 1: is great news. I was like, what's Mormon? And then

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Speaker 1: they told me. I'm like, oh no, And I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'll take the drado, thank you very much, you know,

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Speaker 1: like Mormon scientology. It's like I felt like, yeah, definitely adjacent. Uh.

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Speaker 1: I just felt like I think everyone feels out of play.

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Speaker 1: So I mean, I think most people feel like they

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Speaker 1: don't belong. Like you fit in sometimes in your life

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Speaker 1: and other times you feel like an outsider, like a faker,

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Speaker 1: like you're not real, Like people like you for the

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Speaker 1: wrong reasons or they don't get you. You know, you're

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Speaker 1: always kind of dipping in and out of your the

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Speaker 1: right zone in life, you know what I mean. Your

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Speaker 1: trains on the track sometimes and everything's vibing, and then

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Speaker 1: sometimes it's off. And in my family it was off

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Speaker 1: when I was born, Like I slept with my brother.

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Speaker 1: My mom let me sleep on when I was a

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Speaker 1: two day old baby, and she's like, oh. She always

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Speaker 1: would tell the story of how my oldest brother Chet,

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Speaker 1: how he slept with me on the first night I

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Speaker 1: was home from the hospital, and I was like, but

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Speaker 1: why why did you let a twelve year old sleep

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Speaker 1: with me? And she's like, that's not the point of

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Speaker 1: the story, sweetie. I'm like, I think it's the biggest

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Speaker 1: point of the story. Um. And then Dan, your therapist, said,

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Speaker 1: that was the first guy to break up with you

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Speaker 1: at nine years old, And then you associated relationships with

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Speaker 1: men being broken up with I associated all relationships, I

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Speaker 1: said to Dan once, I said, why do I end

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Speaker 1: relationships on a dime? I have a pattern where I

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Speaker 1: people do some one thing and I'm like, you're out,

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Speaker 1: get out of my life. I can't trust you, You're

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Speaker 1: a liar, You're you know, cheater or whatever. And not

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Speaker 1: just with men, with girlfriends, with anyone. It was black

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Speaker 1: and white, and I asked him, I go, there's a

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Speaker 1: common denominator here, and I'm pretty sure it's me. Like

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Speaker 1: I have a ton of friends all the time, but

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Speaker 1: not a ton of old friends. You know, I have some,

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Speaker 1: but a lot of people go in and out of

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Speaker 1: my life and I'm done with them. I'm annoyed, or

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Speaker 1: I lose interest or whatever. But I'd like, it's scorched earth.

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Speaker 1: And he said, because that's your first blueprint for breaking

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Speaker 1: up with somebody. It's here today and gone tomorrow. And

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Speaker 1: then your dad passed away and you're like, there's another

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Speaker 1: guy who betrayed me. Well, he just passed away last year.

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Speaker 1: But we were waiting that for that for a while. No,

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Speaker 1: that was all right because he was too old. And

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Speaker 1: when I started, when I was writing this book, I

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Speaker 1: said to my therapist, I'm like my brothers, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: everyone's every My brother died, my mother died, my dad's

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Speaker 1: fully going to die this year, and like it's too

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Speaker 1: much dat. We had we had dinner in October November,

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Speaker 1: like literally a week or two weeks right after your

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Speaker 1: dad died. And she's like, I don't know, do you guys?

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Speaker 1: You know what the specials ocean by the way, my

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Speaker 1: dad died. Um, I'll have the broccoli soup and like

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Speaker 1: and I was like, wait, broccoli soup. I mean, what

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Speaker 1: do I want to explode? Thank you? First of all,

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Speaker 1: whoever who made up broccoli soup, take it back. It's

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Speaker 1: like the mcribb, but like, no, thank you, I'll take

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Speaker 1: two mac ribs in my brobot. What is the food

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Speaker 1: we ordered? We ordered Portilla. She's never had portillo's. See you, idiot,

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Speaker 1: this is good. I've always wondered this too. Have you

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Speaker 1: ever had difficulty separating your public from your private self? Friendships? Uh? Friendships?

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Speaker 1: What do you mean? I'm going to read it again.

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Speaker 1: Have you ever had difficulties separating your public from your

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Speaker 1: private self in your friendships? Moving on? I think those

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Speaker 1: two things are really intertwined for me. I mean, my

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Speaker 1: public persona is my real persona, Like, that's who I am.

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Speaker 1: I don't put on a show. That's why I'm you know,

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Speaker 1: I don't. I try not to. I try not to

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Speaker 1: lie about anything. I mean, that's more advantageous for me

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Speaker 1: because I don't want to get caught in a lie.

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Speaker 1: You know. I don't want the press to come out

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Speaker 1: and be like, oh, Chelsea was ship faced. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm ship faced. I want to tell everyone I'm ship faced,

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Speaker 1: So don't try and catch me. Okay, I gotta get

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Speaker 1: ahead of it. You know what, I remember seeing you

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Speaker 1: unlike TMZ and like E and stuff like that, when

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Speaker 1: you would be out just like fucking telling it like

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Speaker 1: it is and like how are you different now than

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Speaker 1: you were? Then? Well? What I you know? Again? Learning

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Speaker 1: all this stuff through this therapist was about, you know,

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Speaker 1: my big, bloud personality, in this brashness that I had,

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Speaker 1: because a lot of people say they've had awakenings and

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Speaker 1: they don't do anything about it. So I love that.

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Speaker 1: In the in the thing, you're like page one seventy two.

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Speaker 1: Memorize the page number because it was so national National

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Speaker 1: Autism Awareness months. So good for you. Yeah, me and

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Speaker 1: uh me and Mary lou Henna are having a drink

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Speaker 1: after this. And she the one who knows like dates

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Speaker 1: and times and all that we do. Yeah, yeah, she's

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Speaker 1: like an astrologist or something. Right, No, no she's not. No, no,

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Speaker 1: Mary astrologist, you know she is. Okay, we're gonna take

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Speaker 1: a quick break and we'll be right back. So you say,

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Speaker 1: the question is why am I so impatient as an adult?

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Speaker 1: Chelsea Handler says to her therapist. Okay, Dan says, give

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Speaker 1: me an example. It's only one page, give me, it's

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Speaker 1: not eight seven pages. Like, Okay, give me an example

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Speaker 1: of something that happens frequently. He asked you. You said,

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Speaker 1: when I can't turn on the TV in my house,

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Speaker 1: so I can't get the music on. That's something that

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Speaker 1: happens all the time. And then I have to call

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Speaker 1: one of my assistants, right, And then, uh, what does

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Speaker 1: it feel like? He says when you can't work your

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Speaker 1: music right? Because I get annoyed and you're irritated, an

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Speaker 1: impatient with technologynology. So you say it made me feel

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Speaker 1: annoyed and he says, what's underneath that? You said more annoyance?

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Speaker 1: He says, but what's the emotion under it? And you said,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, anger? And he says, what does that

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Speaker 1: feel like? And you said, can't you just tell me?

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Speaker 1: And you see, I read that right, and then he said, uh,

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Speaker 1: keep going. Are there any images that elicit the feeling?

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Speaker 1: And she's like, I don't know musical notes? And he says,

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Speaker 1: is there a feeling? And you said frustration? And he

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Speaker 1: said because why? He said, because my intention was to

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Speaker 1: listen to music and now I can't. And he says

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Speaker 1: anything else and you're like stupid, useless. He says helpless

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Speaker 1: and you said yes, and he says what does that

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Speaker 1: feel like? And you said sad? And he said, sit

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Speaker 1: with that and you said helpless and sad. I agree

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Speaker 1: but then where does that anger come in? Fucking genius?

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Speaker 1: He says, sad is your internal reaction which turns to anger,

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00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:12,160
Speaker 1: because anger sets you in kinetic motion, like we're talking

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00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,639
Speaker 1: about to avoid the sadness of sitting there and not

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Speaker 1: listening to music and knowing your plans have been thwarted.

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Speaker 1: Your anger is your way to avoid sadness. I love that.

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Speaker 1: I need to go to therapy because and then the

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Speaker 1: whole lesson from that in the book which I read, Um,

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Speaker 1: you're a beautiful reader, by the way, that was your reader.

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Speaker 1: Look at you, I learned. I learned backstage the no,

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Speaker 1: what's cool about that is? You said? After that, and

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Speaker 1: then he introduces the I am identification awareness modification, So like,

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Speaker 1: I have a real problem with patients. I know you

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Speaker 1: do too, and he wanted me to give examples. That

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Speaker 1: was one example. Another example of my impatience is like

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Speaker 1: if I go to an airport, you know those stores,

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Speaker 1: the bookstores that have the magazines and candy. The slowness

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Speaker 1: of that transaction, by the way, I just that Scottie.

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Speaker 1: I just told Scotty the story and the airport on

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Speaker 1: the way here, I'm like, the people are never there

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Speaker 1: and then I'm like I usually I just grab whatever

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Speaker 1: book I'm looking for and I just get take twenty

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Speaker 1: or thirty bucks and throw it in front of the

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Speaker 1: security camera and just wave it around and go, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna be in the airport if this isn't enough money.

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Speaker 1: And then I put it on the counter and I

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Speaker 1: walk out because I cannot deal with the slowness and

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Speaker 1: waiting in line like these people at the airports. And

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Speaker 1: I was telling Dan like he was gonna be with me,

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Speaker 1: like commiserating, like yeah, I don't I get it, and

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Speaker 1: he was just like what And I was like, I

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Speaker 1: just can't deal with it. It's too slow. I just

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Speaker 1: want the book and I want to go. And he's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: everybody wants what they want and they want to go.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, go, is that is that privilege? Is

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Speaker 1: that being white? He's like, no, white people aren't doing

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Speaker 1: that either. I was like, good to know, and then

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Speaker 1: it's like, you know, like in a hotel, but but

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Speaker 1: impatience about things that are so it's so unempathetic to

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Speaker 1: be like that, like to not cons you know, who

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Speaker 1: knows what these people are are dealing with or why

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00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:21,720
Speaker 1: they're slow or why they're you know, why why they're

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Speaker 1: in the back for a half hour while you're waiting

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Speaker 1: to buy a magazine. I was in d C a

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Speaker 1: few weekends ago on this tour and the fire alarm.

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Speaker 1: I'm so I was in my room. I had taken

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Speaker 1: an outible. I was just like just really jam and

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00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:39,360
Speaker 1: out by myself, reading my Instagram d m s people's responses.

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Speaker 1: I was trying to respond, but I was very stone

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Speaker 1: and and I had the steamer going and just forgot

387
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:49,840
Speaker 1: about it. Sounds like a party, it's an after party

388
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,800
Speaker 1: on Like, I'm gonna turn my steamer on and get

389
00:21:54,880 --> 00:22:01,480
Speaker 1: loose the steamers for the broccoli soup. So I went

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00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:03,600
Speaker 1: and I heard the alarm go off. I was like, oh.

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Speaker 1: And I texted Karen because we were in the same

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Speaker 1: hotel obviously, and I texted her. I was like, if

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Speaker 1: there's a fire, job not doing it. I just thought

394
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:14,240
Speaker 1: of a jingle really fast, the Regina Steamer carpet cleaner,

395
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:22,400
Speaker 1: so stupid. And so I realized after like ten more

396
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Speaker 1: minutes that she's like, I don't hear an alarm. I'm like, well,

397
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:26,919
Speaker 1: there's one going off. Hopefully they'll fix it. And then

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00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:30,959
Speaker 1: I realized it's in my room going off, and I'm like, osh, fuck,

399
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,879
Speaker 1: I'm like, you are dumb. And then I looked at

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00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 1: the alarm and I'm like, I've learned, patients. I've learned

401
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:38,879
Speaker 1: to take a breath. I've learned to not react, to

402
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,000
Speaker 1: take a minute. That was something I didn't know you

403
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:45,000
Speaker 1: could do. I heard about it, but I heard about

404
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:47,520
Speaker 1: people saying write an email back, don't send it until

405
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Speaker 1: the next day. And I'm like, all right, you know,

406
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:54,400
Speaker 1: like that's fun for you. I've never done that. I'm reactive.

407
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, you, fuck you. I don't like this. I

408
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:59,760
Speaker 1: don't let other like problems settle or the idea that

409
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:02,119
Speaker 1: you right and letary yourself and in the morning you

410
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:03,880
Speaker 1: might not even want to send it. I'm like, that's

411
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Speaker 1: never gonna happen. But do you do that now? Because

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00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,880
Speaker 1: I do? I do that. I didn't. Actually, I'm I'm

413
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Speaker 1: somewhere in between your extremes and and doing that. I

414
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Speaker 1: do that. Like if I have to write a really

415
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:18,359
Speaker 1: angry or I feel angry somebody, I always write the

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Speaker 1: email out first and I don't send. Yeah, that's what

417
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,840
Speaker 1: you should do, and usually I had never tried it,

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Speaker 1: so what I learned was that usually the next day

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Speaker 1: you really don't want to send it. You don't, you

420
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:31,199
Speaker 1: don't care half the time anymore. The next day, But

421
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:33,879
Speaker 1: to the fire alarm I went, and I was like,

422
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,800
Speaker 1: here's an opportunity to not be a baby. Like usually

423
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,760
Speaker 1: if a fire alarm ever went off at a hotel,

424
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:40,440
Speaker 1: I would just walk out the door and check into

425
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:43,560
Speaker 1: another hotel, like I don't want to deal with that.

426
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:46,000
Speaker 1: I don't want to deal with a line of people out.

427
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:47,840
Speaker 1: I just be like funk. I would even leave my

428
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,120
Speaker 1: clothes and just be like, let's get new stuff. I don't.

429
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:53,080
Speaker 1: I mean, I've been on vacation and seeing my suitcase

430
00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:55,000
Speaker 1: ready to pack, and I'd be like, let's just leave it.

431
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:58,119
Speaker 1: I can't deal, Like, let me just get new things,

432
00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:03,199
Speaker 1: travel overseas and send your luggage before you. Yeah. Always

433
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:05,600
Speaker 1: always fed X until they gave money to Trump, and

434
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,560
Speaker 1: then I stopped using that, and then I started using

435
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:09,919
Speaker 1: ups and they don't get ship anywhere on time, So

436
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:14,560
Speaker 1: now I use fed X again. That was a commitment.

437
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:17,280
Speaker 1: If you've seen Castaway, sometimes fed X doesn't get there.

438
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:23,280
Speaker 1: So anyway, it was a moment I was like, oh,

439
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:25,960
Speaker 1: the fire alarms going off like, you're capable of doing this.

440
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:28,159
Speaker 1: You've dealt with this before at some point before you

441
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:32,240
Speaker 1: had domestic amnesia. You were able to do simple tasks

442
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:34,000
Speaker 1: like this. So I got a chair out and I

443
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:36,520
Speaker 1: went up and I undid it. I took the battery

444
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 1: out and I looked at the battery and the alarm

445
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:40,760
Speaker 1: went off, and I was like, look at you, girl,

446
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:42,959
Speaker 1: And then I looked at the battery. I looked at

447
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 1: the minus and the positive. I was like, how do

448
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:46,840
Speaker 1: you know this? Like it was one of those moments

449
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:48,399
Speaker 1: where I was like, so you know how to do ship.

450
00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:51,399
Speaker 1: You're just a baby, and you've had so many people

451
00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:53,440
Speaker 1: working for you for so long, and I lost touch

452
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,480
Speaker 1: with like reality, and I was spoiled and I was

453
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:58,720
Speaker 1: so icked out by myself. You know. It came to

454
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:01,439
Speaker 1: a crescendo where I was so spoiled and I was

455
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,280
Speaker 1: saying yes to things because of paychecks rather than being

456
00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:06,480
Speaker 1: thoughtful about what I wanted to put out into the world.

457
00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:09,639
Speaker 1: And you know how that goes. You get successful and

458
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:11,920
Speaker 1: people are like into you and love you, and you're like,

459
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 1: oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I want more. I want more.

460
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:17,439
Speaker 1: And I sat in that hotel and I'm like, this

461
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:20,040
Speaker 1: is everything you've been working on. Just be a regular person,

462
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 1: be down to earth, and like, don't be you know,

463
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:24,679
Speaker 1: a baby. And so I got up, I put this

464
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,800
Speaker 1: thing back on and I got off the chair and

465
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 1: I was about to text my sister like I just

466
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:32,120
Speaker 1: turned off a fire alarm, and I was like, don't

467
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:36,119
Speaker 1: send that text, you asshole. Just keep it here. Not

468
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:39,840
Speaker 1: everything is for everybody all the time. You're not a performance.

469
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 1: Just be with yourself. That's really great. Yeah, are you

470
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 1: crying inside? I am, Um, And I heard every other

471
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 1: word you just said. I'm kidding. That was really great.

472
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:58,919
Speaker 1: Um My, it was great. My friend Maria Shriver and

473
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,520
Speaker 1: I've told you this before. She how did you become

474
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:04,679
Speaker 1: friends with Maria Schreiber. No, she's fantastic, as you know

475
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:07,760
Speaker 1: you met her. She's a real mama there. She's the

476
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:11,000
Speaker 1: best and super smart and she always says to your

477
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:18,200
Speaker 1: point for the last twenty minutes, she said. She she said, um,

478
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:21,880
Speaker 1: you know a lot of people tweet and instagram and

479
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:25,000
Speaker 1: voice their own opinion that they're angry, angry opinions on

480
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:28,080
Speaker 1: Facebook or whatever it is, and they go crazy and

481
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:32,840
Speaker 1: they yell and scream, and she always says I totally

482
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:37,080
Speaker 1: agree with you. What are you doing about it? And

483
00:26:37,119 --> 00:26:40,479
Speaker 1: it shuts people down because people use their voices all

484
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:42,119
Speaker 1: the time and they should and we should, we should

485
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:45,080
Speaker 1: speak our minds and everything. But there's not enough people

486
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:48,439
Speaker 1: putting that into action. Right. So, if I feel right,

487
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:52,760
Speaker 1: if I feel if if I feel so so fucking

488
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:56,359
Speaker 1: pissed about a certain you know, the issue that Trump

489
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:59,159
Speaker 1: is not supporting or supporting in a wrong way or whatever,

490
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:02,159
Speaker 1: you know, and I feel that strongly about it, I

491
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:05,280
Speaker 1: could bitch about it, but there's plenty of people bitching

492
00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:08,720
Speaker 1: about everything. So what are we doing about it? Right?

493
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:11,400
Speaker 1: And yes, we can vote, but beyond voting, there has

494
00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:13,919
Speaker 1: to be things we can do in little junks that

495
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 1: will add up. And I think people are people are Yeah.

496
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 1: I think people are really actually realizing that they have

497
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:22,200
Speaker 1: to do something because otherwise, you know, everything is at risk.

498
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:24,280
Speaker 1: I mean, if you have a daughter or you I

499
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:27,760
Speaker 1: mean whatever, whatever reasons. I think people have been galvanized

500
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:30,359
Speaker 1: in a way that is really inspiring. I mean, I've

501
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:32,080
Speaker 1: become friends with people I would never talk to you

502
00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:35,040
Speaker 1: before the election, because we're like a coalition, you know.

503
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:38,000
Speaker 1: I've met women and and it made me open my

504
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:40,400
Speaker 1: eyes and realize how privileged my whole life has been.

505
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:41,840
Speaker 1: You know, I don't know what it's like to be

506
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 1: a person of color. I have no idea what that's like.

507
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,119
Speaker 1: And how often was I thinking about what it's like

508
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:49,800
Speaker 1: to be a person of color? Not often enough? How

509
00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:51,359
Speaker 1: often was I thinking about what it's like to be

510
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:54,480
Speaker 1: a gay person and to be scared violence, to be

511
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 1: scared and I get pulled over by a police officer

512
00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:59,600
Speaker 1: and be have it be a life or death situation.

513
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:02,439
Speaker 1: We need to always be fucking thinking about that, and

514
00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:05,320
Speaker 1: we need to be mobilized in helping communities that need us,

515
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:08,119
Speaker 1: you know, and not not because white people are going

516
00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:11,880
Speaker 1: to fix the problem. But I don't think it's That's

517
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:15,440
Speaker 1: not what I'm saying. I'm saying that people who have platforms,

518
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,679
Speaker 1: I feel a sense of responsibility to look outside of

519
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,560
Speaker 1: my own asshole and look around at other people's stories

520
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:24,040
Speaker 1: and say, how can I be a better advocate? How

521
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:26,000
Speaker 1: can I know more? How can I be a good ally?

522
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,640
Speaker 1: Because I'm not fighting for my rights, I want to

523
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:31,399
Speaker 1: vote for other people's rights. I got enough, you know

524
00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:34,520
Speaker 1: in this life. It's full right, right, right right? That's

525
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:39,760
Speaker 1: so great? Have um here's a funny story. So, um,

526
00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:43,880
Speaker 1: we'll see about that. So you mentioned an alarm a

527
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:48,600
Speaker 1: while ago, an alarm, the fire alarm? Right, good, good, good,

528
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:52,840
Speaker 1: recall so much, thank you? So uh, Scottie and I

529
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:54,959
Speaker 1: is a funny story, just because we're going to balance

530
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:57,520
Speaker 1: this conversation. Sure, balance it. Yeah, I know you don't

531
00:28:57,560 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 1: like to get too serious. I've seen it. No, no, no,

532
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 1: go yuck it up. No, let's move on. Let's no no, no, no,

533
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 1: don't like that. Tell the story now. So we So,

534
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:12,680
Speaker 1: Scotty and I. I don't know if you even know

535
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:17,920
Speaker 1: that's that funny, but um, so, Scotty and my husband

536
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:21,840
Speaker 1: we were watching the movie Gone Girl, Gone Girl, right,

537
00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:27,640
Speaker 1: Gone Girl with Ben Affleck and some woman Rosamond Pike.

538
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,560
Speaker 1: Is that really who it is? That's her name? Okay,

539
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:38,760
Speaker 1: that's true? Yeah, okay, you think I can make up

540
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,920
Speaker 1: a name like that, Rosamond Pike. I mean, I can't

541
00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:44,680
Speaker 1: believe I even remembered it that she really stuck with you.

542
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:51,320
Speaker 1: I'm obviously a huge fan. So we're watching the movie

543
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:54,280
Speaker 1: and it's like, I don't know, eleven thirty twelve o'clock

544
00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:56,239
Speaker 1: and it's not that scary of a movie. But it's

545
00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:57,640
Speaker 1: kind of like a thriller. Did you say, did you

546
00:29:57,680 --> 00:30:00,280
Speaker 1: gont to me? See it? All? Right? Yeah? That was

547
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:03,720
Speaker 1: a great movie. Yeah. And so we're watching it and

548
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, our fire alarm goes off for

549
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:11,280
Speaker 1: some reason because the fucking battery might because the battery

550
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:15,240
Speaker 1: goes you're going to kill still steal my story right now.

551
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:19,320
Speaker 1: But wait, I'm gonna build on it. I'm gonna I'm

552
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:25,480
Speaker 1: actually gonna make it interesting. Should I text my sister

553
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 1: that I changed the battery now? Period? Jesus God, thank

554
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:41,080
Speaker 1: God for your angst against Trump. So anyway, oh, I'm

555
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:45,120
Speaker 1: gonna get it in between shows. Yeah, that hot dog

556
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:51,920
Speaker 1: is coming your way, coming in hot gladly. So anyway,

557
00:30:52,560 --> 00:31:00,120
Speaker 1: what's that expression hot dog in the hallway? What is that? Girl? Oh?

558
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:02,640
Speaker 1: I thought it was about lose guys. Are that like

559
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:06,240
Speaker 1: a hot dog throwing a hot dog down the hallway? Um?

560
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:14,880
Speaker 1: What a gross visual one. Anyway, So for watching gone

561
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:19,720
Speaker 1: girl and um, and the fire alarm goes off, right,

562
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 1: and it triggers the sound triggers our house alarm, which

563
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:31,440
Speaker 1: cover your ears is like boo wowow, I mean, it's

564
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:34,800
Speaker 1: it's like unnerving, right, it's through it's in the backyard.

565
00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:37,719
Speaker 1: It goes off in the backyard and the neighbors, right,

566
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:40,720
Speaker 1: it's so loud, and so we're like, wait, what the fuck?

567
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:44,080
Speaker 1: We didn't hear the fire alarm and we're watching Gone,

568
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:48,440
Speaker 1: Gone Girl, So we're like kind of freaked out already.

569
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 1: And so the alarms going off because we didn't even

570
00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:53,239
Speaker 1: and we're like, put the funk. So we go and

571
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:56,360
Speaker 1: put the punch the code, right, which is I won't

572
00:31:56,440 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 1: tell you what it is, and uh so we punched

573
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:02,520
Speaker 1: the code and it goes off. We're like, Jesus God,

574
00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:04,480
Speaker 1: that gave me a heart attack. And then then the

575
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 1: fire alarm and then the fucking house alarm goes off,

576
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:10,480
Speaker 1: like and this goes on for half an hour, right,

577
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:12,800
Speaker 1: So I turned that off, and we're like, what's going on?

578
00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:15,720
Speaker 1: And we call the thing, the fire alarm company, the

579
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:18,600
Speaker 1: house alarm company, what's going on? So we don't know, so,

580
00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:22,240
Speaker 1: oh my god. So then we didn't know it was

581
00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:25,880
Speaker 1: the fire alarm setting off the house alarm, right right,

582
00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 1: because yeah, you don't have a code for your fire alarm, no,

583
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:30,880
Speaker 1: you just have a battery, like an idiot would have known.

584
00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 1: So when I kind of buried the lead. But anyway,

585
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:36,960
Speaker 1: so I go in the crawl space of the attic,

586
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:42,480
Speaker 1: Mr mechanic and uh, Mike and the mechanics and um

587
00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:46,080
Speaker 1: and I I fucking cut the cord to the house

588
00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 1: alarm because I don't know how to fucking fix it.

589
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:56,600
Speaker 1: And then and then I go, I take unscrewed these grates,

590
00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:59,280
Speaker 1: like these huge grates in the hallways and that hallway

591
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:03,240
Speaker 1: and that hallway as I live in a mansion, and

592
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 1: I cut that fucking alarm thing. I'm cutting, cutting wires

593
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:10,160
Speaker 1: all over and every time like am I gonna get killed?

594
00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 1: You know, like a like die hard, like cut the wad,

595
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:18,680
Speaker 1: not the red one, the green one and so and

596
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 1: then finally no more house alarm, right and then we

597
00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:32,280
Speaker 1: hear and I'm so annoying that you're fucking kidding me

598
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 1: for an hour, and the neighbors lights went on and

599
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:37,640
Speaker 1: they're like what And well, we had to do is

600
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:44,440
Speaker 1: change the battery a little longer than yours, but a

601
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:54,120
Speaker 1: little funnier. I once had my fool overflowing at my

602
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:56,400
Speaker 1: house and left my house and checked into a hotel.

603
00:33:58,080 --> 00:33:59,720
Speaker 1: I was rising. I was like, rend and I don't

604
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 1: like the look. So this I'm taking off. I like

605
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:07,200
Speaker 1: the idea of cutting wires though. You know, sometimes when

606
00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:10,719
Speaker 1: those things are are chirping, it's it's because the batteries low,

607
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:14,440
Speaker 1: and so you think there's a fire. Oh, that's the

608
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:18,719
Speaker 1: point of the story. Sorry, I'm sitting over here in

609
00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:21,600
Speaker 1: deep pain. No, that's okay. The shoes look great with

610
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:29,239
Speaker 1: the T shirt. So uh oh I have I look

611
00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:31,960
Speaker 1: like a lesbian? Just say I won't say it. I

612
00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 1: won't know. When you go low, I go high. Okay,

613
00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:44,720
Speaker 1: Well this sounds like a good time to take a break. Okay,

614
00:34:44,719 --> 00:34:47,200
Speaker 1: so wait, these are really good questions. Who wrote the

615
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:54,439
Speaker 1: um Let me ask you something else about being horny? Yeah,

616
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:57,759
Speaker 1: I haven't had sex in a really long time, A

617
00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:01,680
Speaker 1: long time. Like, uh, I had sex with a ski

618
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:07,760
Speaker 1: guide that I was skiing with a year ago, and

619
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:12,239
Speaker 1: I he got fired from his job for having sex

620
00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:14,840
Speaker 1: with me as like a ski Yeah, yeah, he was

621
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:16,200
Speaker 1: a ski guide. I was skiing with him when he

622
00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:17,759
Speaker 1: was skiing with my nephews all week and then at

623
00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:19,359
Speaker 1: like mid week I was like, who's that guy? Bring

624
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:22,319
Speaker 1: him over here and we ski together and I hooked

625
00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:24,080
Speaker 1: up with him, and then he got in trouble for

626
00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:27,400
Speaker 1: having sex with the client. I guess that's what they

627
00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:35,279
Speaker 1: call you. M Yeah. Well wait, the story stories not over,

628
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:38,520
Speaker 1: because yes, the client, you're like a snow bunny. You're

629
00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:45,040
Speaker 1: like a thumper, a little bunny rabbit. I felt really

630
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:48,560
Speaker 1: badly for getting him fired, because you know, I didn't,

631
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:50,560
Speaker 1: you know, make him have sex with me. But I

632
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:55,120
Speaker 1: felt bad anyway, and so I gave him. Um, I

633
00:35:55,160 --> 00:36:01,640
Speaker 1: gave him some money because I felt bad about his firing.

634
00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:04,600
Speaker 1: And when I told you, oh, that's right, you paid

635
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:07,920
Speaker 1: him because you felt bad about him. Yeah, and he

636
00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:10,880
Speaker 1: thought you felt like you caused the firing. Yes, I

637
00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:12,759
Speaker 1: felt like I've done this before. I've had sex with

638
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:14,840
Speaker 1: people I shouldn't have and then they get fired and

639
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:23,640
Speaker 1: then I have to give them a severance package. So funny,

640
00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:31,720
Speaker 1: and that's so funny. So I gave this guy, like funny,

641
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:36,760
Speaker 1: I gave him twenty dollars. You did not, are you serious?

642
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:46,600
Speaker 1: Fuck you for that hot dog down the hallway. Baby.

643
00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:53,200
Speaker 1: I wouldn't fund somebody for twenty grand I don't know

644
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:57,239
Speaker 1: how much say it. I don't know. I don't think

645
00:36:57,239 --> 00:36:59,040
Speaker 1: I said I'll give you somebody. I'll give you a

646
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:01,520
Speaker 1: million dollars. We need a million dollars to Fox somebody,

647
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:03,919
Speaker 1: I'll give you ten million dollars. No, I'm not gonna Fox.

648
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:06,920
Speaker 1: H well maybe ten million. Yeah, I would give it

649
00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:12,400
Speaker 1: away to Charitae the country. Have you ever seen have

650
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:15,040
Speaker 1: you ever seen bait bus dot com? Anybody clapp Have

651
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:18,560
Speaker 1: you seen bait bus dot com? The gays? The gays? Now?

652
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:21,799
Speaker 1: What is it? Bait bus? Bait bus dot com? Right,

653
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:27,399
Speaker 1: Scotty Yeah, got, he's like what I like, wherever you look,

654
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:31,520
Speaker 1: there's Scotty. Sometimes he's over there. It's like, where's Walden appears?

655
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:33,719
Speaker 1: This actually is a wheelchair and he's gonna wheel chair

656
00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:36,400
Speaker 1: me out here, out of here. No bait bus is

657
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:40,520
Speaker 1: like the they it's gay guys. Who it's it's it's

658
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 1: a whole thing where straight guys get lured into a bus.

659
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:47,600
Speaker 1: There's a girl there with titties and he's like yeah,

660
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:50,920
Speaker 1: and she's like can I blindfold you? And she's like yeah,

661
00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:54,520
Speaker 1: And then a guy blows him and they take the

662
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:57,680
Speaker 1: fucking thing off and he's like what the funds going up?

663
00:37:57,840 --> 00:37:59,759
Speaker 1: And they're like see it doesn't matter any mouth to

664
00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:11,359
Speaker 1: mouth bag bus dot com. By the way, it's so old,

665
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:15,759
Speaker 1: I don't even know if it's up anymore. What a

666
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:21,400
Speaker 1: beautiful nighttime story home and tell that to your loved

667
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:24,880
Speaker 1: ones or your children tonight. Don't get on the bus

668
00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:29,560
Speaker 1: because you know what happens. That's right. How much time worry?

669
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:32,040
Speaker 1: We have to wrap it up, We have to say

670
00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:34,520
Speaker 1: goodbye soon. What would you like your parting words of

671
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:36,640
Speaker 1: wisdom to be? I'm going to tell you right now,

672
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 1: before you fucking me with that hot dog, I'm gonna

673
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:45,680
Speaker 1: tell you and everybody here that, and you've probably been

674
00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:50,560
Speaker 1: told this before that well, I'm not gonna back I'm

675
00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:52,359
Speaker 1: gonna back into it. No, it's not I'm gonna back

676
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:55,920
Speaker 1: into that. I think for people who don't know Chelsea,

677
00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:59,120
Speaker 1: and I'm assuming a lot of you don't know her personally,

678
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:04,360
Speaker 1: at her deepest, darkest secret is she's the kindest, sweetest,

679
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:12,080
Speaker 1: most gentle loving, selfless, giving person ever and you need

680
00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:14,799
Speaker 1: to accept that. Sit with that. I'm going to accept that.

681
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:17,719
Speaker 1: I appreciate you saying something nice for once. Thank you.

682
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:23,840
Speaker 1: And And this book truly, out of the three I've read, No,

683
00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:28,120
Speaker 1: this book is really, really, truly the best book I've

684
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:32,080
Speaker 1: ever read. It is it is so uh fraught with

685
00:39:32,239 --> 00:39:38,399
Speaker 1: lessons and um enlightenment and things that you can take

686
00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:41,040
Speaker 1: away and apply to your life and grow and learn,

687
00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:43,800
Speaker 1: and not a lot of books do that. Thank you,

688
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:51,399
Speaker 1: Thank you very much. Um I want to just read

689
00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:53,319
Speaker 1: something from my book. This is a little serious, so

690
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:56,600
Speaker 1: you can close your ears. Um I we're selling bracelets,

691
00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:58,799
Speaker 1: these ones that I'm wearing that say I decide on them,

692
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:00,480
Speaker 1: and T shirts that say I just side that go

693
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:02,319
Speaker 1: to the l g B t q I A. Is

694
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:04,640
Speaker 1: it I A or AI community? It should all be

695
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:07,240
Speaker 1: just Q. But I'm not in charge of that. Okay,

696
00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:10,120
Speaker 1: it's going to youth that the l g B t

697
00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:12,680
Speaker 1: q I A community. Yeah, well, I know, I'm not

698
00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:14,680
Speaker 1: the one who's gay, So I don't know who's coming

699
00:40:14,719 --> 00:40:16,920
Speaker 1: up with the letters. I don't know you're adding letters

700
00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:20,000
Speaker 1: all the time and just trying to those people should

701
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:23,759
Speaker 1: just be qute. It should just be qute. Okay, well

702
00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:25,680
Speaker 1: maybe they will, I mean esventually, they're going to have

703
00:40:25,719 --> 00:40:27,879
Speaker 1: to narrow it down to one letter. And by the way,

704
00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:32,120
Speaker 1: let's say Q on them. Okay, go ahead, Okay, well

705
00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:37,759
Speaker 1: thanks for that. Let me decide which one to read.

706
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:40,960
Speaker 1: Like to go out with something meaningful from this stupid,

707
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:52,879
Speaker 1: stupid conversation. Hold on, let me find something. I'll read this.

708
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:56,960
Speaker 1: I'll read this last part of the book. Shut up

709
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:02,600
Speaker 1: your voice, meaning find something that you care about that

710
00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:04,640
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with you, and learn about it.

711
00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:08,120
Speaker 1: Pay attention when you're tired, Take care of yourself. Read more,

712
00:41:08,239 --> 00:41:11,359
Speaker 1: watch less TV. Find new people to teach you their

713
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:15,120
Speaker 1: life lessons. Be proactive. Know that you have something of

714
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:19,560
Speaker 1: value that is unlike what anyone else has. The world

715
00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:21,959
Speaker 1: is only getting browner and gayer, and if you don't

716
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:33,760
Speaker 1: hop on board, you're gonna miss the fucking bus. Debate bus.

717
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:46,359
Speaker 1: Thank you everybody, Thank you for coming out Chicago. Thank you,

718
00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:57,319
Speaker 1: thank you. Come on, honey, this one. Okay, Well, that's

719
00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,440
Speaker 1: our first episode with Shawn Hays. We will be back

720
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:04,040
Speaker 1: next week with second episode with Sean and I am

721
00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 1: coming to perform in Atlanta this weekend at the Tabernacle Theater.

722
00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:13,280
Speaker 1: I'm coming to Westbury, Long Island, Montclair, New Jersey, and

723
00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 1: I'm coming to a whole bunch of new places in

724
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:17,719
Speaker 1: Additional dates have been added to You can go to

725
00:42:17,760 --> 00:42:20,440
Speaker 1: Live Nation dot com or Chelsea Hamdler dot com. And

726
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:23,120
Speaker 1: the book is called Life Will Be the Death of Me.

727
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:26,839
Speaker 1: In you two and that's Brandon. He is my consigliare.

728
00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:29,880
Speaker 1: Good Night Life will be the Death of Me as

729
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:32,239
Speaker 1: a production of I Heeart Radio. For more podcasts from

730
00:42:32,239 --> 00:42:35,480
Speaker 1: I heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

731
00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:40,360
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. O