Speaker 1: This is How Men Think with brooks Like and Gavin
Speaker 1: to Grab and I heard radio podcast. Welcome to another
Speaker 1: episode of How Men Think. My name is brooks Like
Speaker 1: and I am here with my gracious and ever so
Speaker 1: dashing co host today. What's up, buddy? Not much? I
Speaker 1: am the good sir of the day. How are you
Speaker 1: happy belated birthday? And most importantly, tell us how old
Speaker 1: are you? I am now thirty seven, thirty seven years young.
Speaker 1: We are at the same age, We're the same age.
Speaker 1: You're born in eighty three? Are you thirty seven now?
Speaker 1: Or are you thirty six? Still seven now? Oh? So
Speaker 1: you're old? You're older than I am. Yeah, that's you
Speaker 1: can tell by my maturity. Yeah, clearly I can crate
Speaker 1: by the way I do feel. Um one, I do
Speaker 1: feel that you stepped up to this opportunity to have
Speaker 1: co hosting duties today because you are in a beautiful
Speaker 1: blue collared shirt with a fresh new haircut, slicked back,
Speaker 1: looking clean, clean shaven. We also have producer Tori with us. Tori,
Speaker 1: doesn't he look clean? I was gonna ask, uh, what
Speaker 1: was the experience like getting your hair cut? Did you
Speaker 1: go into a salon? Did you have to wear a mask.
Speaker 1: The salon I go to typically is still closed. Um
Speaker 1: so my woman, Terry came to my house, so we
Speaker 1: did it in the garage. We both wore masks, and yeah,
Speaker 1: it was it was a necessary thing. I looked like,
Speaker 1: not good. You look very professional right now, and I
Speaker 1: want to I want to challenge one thing. I should
Speaker 1: go a mohawk on your next cut. I will take
Speaker 1: that into consideration and get back to you. Come on,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna Tori. I'm gonna pressure all of the dudes
Speaker 1: on how men think to unite under a mohawk. A
Speaker 1: common mohawk for good is what we'll call it. I think.
Speaker 1: Since we're going to be delving a little bit deeper
Speaker 1: into Tories dating life, let me ask you this, would
Speaker 1: you be into a guy with the mohawk? But I
Speaker 1: don't know. I've never dated anyone with the mohawk. And
Speaker 1: I don't mind Brooks. I mean, he's got some volume
Speaker 1: on his right now. Right I just worked out, so
Speaker 1: it's kind of like all over the place. But just wait, Tory.
Speaker 1: In like a week, I have a friend of mine,
Speaker 1: Jill Bach, who's like the best Jill Is. I love you, Jill,
Speaker 1: you are the best stylisted l A. She always just
Speaker 1: I just go to Jill and she just cuts my
Speaker 1: hair however she wants. I just have full faith in her.
Speaker 1: She's going to do some gnarly kind of lines in it.
Speaker 1: We're gonna do something real funky with this mohawk and
Speaker 1: just amplify it and turn it up a bit. See. See,
Speaker 1: it's not a deal breaker for me. I kind of
Speaker 1: like it now. It's like, I know it's your form
Speaker 1: of expression right now. You're like, I'm here to mix
Speaker 1: things up, let's make it fun. It shows you have
Speaker 1: a good personality. Um, but what about you that deal breaker?
Speaker 1: Did you think for women? No, I think it. I
Speaker 1: think if it suits your personality, fine, I don't think
Speaker 1: I consider myself a mohawk guy. It's just not who
Speaker 1: I am. So nothing I get to mohawx is just
Speaker 1: not my style. He looked he's a little bit more preppy,
Speaker 1: like you know, the Nanton Red's and an Oxford, not
Speaker 1: the mohax. You know, he's very you have a very
Speaker 1: polished and professional look, Ryan. Well, I thought I had
Speaker 1: to step up the game after the tank top I
Speaker 1: wore on the one year anniversary episode. Did you get
Speaker 1: some blowback from the Ryano Dowt fan club, where the
Speaker 1: team Ryan Loyalists came out in full forced to support
Speaker 1: the look as I would have expected they would, and
Speaker 1: it was just you guys who were very mean to me.
Speaker 1: And it it hurts, but luckily my support base rallied
Speaker 1: and here I am today. I'm glad you're here, buddy,
Speaker 1: Glad you made it. And I'm also super excited about
Speaker 1: today's show because producer Tori, who is one of the
Speaker 1: loveliest and kindest souls I've ever met and enjoy to
Speaker 1: work with every single day on this podcast. I've always
Speaker 1: said that our team is one of the best parts
Speaker 1: of doing this podcast. Producer Tori is finally willing to
Speaker 1: open up about her dating life, her personal life, and
Speaker 1: she's notoriously said she hasn't been looking for somebody, but
Speaker 1: now you feel that you are ready and have the
Speaker 1: composure or capacity to bring somebody into your life, or
Speaker 1: you're willing to bring somebody into your life. Is that correct, Tory? Yes,
Speaker 1: I have been someone since honestly I was born that
Speaker 1: I have almost kind of take pride in the fact
Speaker 1: that I've never desired to really like date someone do
Speaker 1: I enjoy dating, Yes, but I haven't been like I
Speaker 1: need have companionship. And now I'm in this radition and
Speaker 1: I am like, holy, okay, quarantine, Okay, So let's get
Speaker 1: into this. So, so we're gonna walk you through Tori's story.
Speaker 1: We're gonna dive into tori story, and the whole purpose
Speaker 1: of this podcast today, Tori, is to just Ryan and
Speaker 1: I are ears for you. We want to hear your
Speaker 1: story and offer any insight from a man's mind or
Speaker 1: a man's perspective, and for our listeners, you might see
Speaker 1: your story through Tori. Um. So, Tori, can you give us,
Speaker 1: like give us and give our listeners a little background
Speaker 1: on if you're okay with this? How old you are,
Speaker 1: where you come from, and how you when you move
Speaker 1: to l a Yeah. So, um, I'm originally from a
Speaker 1: small town called Grass Valley where people literally have babies
Speaker 1: at sixteen, and it's in California. It's just like right
Speaker 1: outside of Lake Tahoe area. And then I moved when
Speaker 1: I was eighteen to Orange County because my it was
Speaker 1: a job shift for my parents. And then I ended
Speaker 1: up in l A. Um from college and crazy, and
Speaker 1: I haven't really realized this until honestly a couple of
Speaker 1: weeks ago that I'm now in my mid twenties, so
Speaker 1: I'm twenty five, and it's been a little bit of
Speaker 1: like a quarter life crisis. A quarter life crisis, can
Speaker 1: you be more specific in in which way? Um? I
Speaker 1: think Quarantine has definitely brought to light the fact that
Speaker 1: like companionship uh is really important because for me, like
Speaker 1: I'm I'm a huge extrovert, so I can hang out
Speaker 1: with my friends and have my quote unquote love tanks filled.
Speaker 1: But now even my friends, um, and even like older
Speaker 1: parents or family friends or even my cousins, like everyone's
Speaker 1: separated and quarantined away that I'm now realizing how nice
Speaker 1: it really would be to have someone in my life
Speaker 1: in that way. So I would say the quarter life
Speaker 1: crisis kind of hit now in Quarantine. So let me
Speaker 1: ask you this story. Did you what was your dating
Speaker 1: life like pre COVID and were you finding companionship pre
Speaker 1: COVID or in that that contrast now being disconnected from
Speaker 1: those types of people has exacerbated it. Or were you
Speaker 1: always for the past couple of years kind of not
Speaker 1: seeking companionship? Well, I'm someone it sounds funny because I'm
Speaker 1: not someone who's like a lonely person, because again, I
Speaker 1: do find companions I think companionship looks deeper than just
Speaker 1: having someone in your life, Like it's your family, it's
Speaker 1: your support systems, it's your community and so forth. So
Speaker 1: having that all stripped away has definitely emphasized this. But
Speaker 1: at the same time, like up before quarantine, you know,
Speaker 1: you're I have a very active job, so I'm able
Speaker 1: to go to events and like flirt with people or
Speaker 1: have people be like, hey, like can I take you
Speaker 1: on a date? And You're like sure, and like you
Speaker 1: might go on a date knowing like you're not totally interested,
Speaker 1: but you're still dating and like meeting people. And I
Speaker 1: was talking to one guy specifically up until about January February.
Speaker 1: Um and I kind of which I'm kind of jumping
Speaker 1: forward a lot, but um, I like work a lot,
Speaker 1: So for me, I was putting my work first before
Speaker 1: that relationship. UM, and I use relationship loosely because like
Speaker 1: we weren't anything official, but we were definitely talking for
Speaker 1: about like seven to eight months and then UM yeah,
Speaker 1: So then I put my work first and then that
Speaker 1: kind of just fizzled out. And then in quarantine, I
Speaker 1: was like, dang it, Like why do I constantly put
Speaker 1: other things before reip. So that's a question I have,
Speaker 1: and I also want to preface it with this, is
Speaker 1: that that's completely okay for you to prioritize your work
Speaker 1: if that is what is priority in your life. And
Speaker 1: I say that from personal experience from the age of
Speaker 1: like fifteen un till like thirty when I was like
Speaker 1: pursuing making the NHL and then the first ten years
Speaker 1: playing in the NHL, undoubtedly my training and my sport
Speaker 1: and my career came first in my life. They were priority.
Speaker 1: I was very selfish that way. I will say that
Speaker 1: I was very selfish that way, but it was what
Speaker 1: I needed to do for me at that time in
Speaker 1: my life. I knew another stage of life would come
Speaker 1: at a certain time, but I needed to express myself
Speaker 1: fully and get every ounce of potential out of my
Speaker 1: athletic career that I could. And so in that stage
Speaker 1: of life, I was completely fine with it. I was
Speaker 1: lonely and alone for a lot of it, but I
Speaker 1: accepted that that that was my choice. That wasn't something
Speaker 1: that anybody else put on me. So that being said,
Speaker 1: it's okay if you want to prioritize work and career
Speaker 1: in your life at this stage of your life. If
Speaker 1: that's what you want, the question is is that what
Speaker 1: you want? Or was it what you wanted in that
Speaker 1: stage and now you're just starting to see a little
Speaker 1: shift in the priorities in your life. Is that what's happening? Um?
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's it's it's hard to explain because
Speaker 1: we're living in a situation that no one could have
Speaker 1: ever predicted. So I don't know if it's a shift.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's just loneliness that I'm feeling.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's like I'm just looking to
Speaker 1: change up something in my life because I don't have
Speaker 1: control over anything else. So I'm like trying to evaluate
Speaker 1: all of that as we kind of go through this
Speaker 1: kind of a thing. I have a question, uh, and
Speaker 1: I want to get into that Tory think. But Brooks,
Speaker 1: something you said just begs a question for me, which is,
Speaker 1: so did you feel like in those how many years
Speaker 1: were you in a job? You said over ten thirteen
Speaker 1: seasons and then we had two lockouts, so fifteen years professional? Okay,
Speaker 1: But so you you mentioned you were alone for the
Speaker 1: majority of those years, did you. Was that the case
Speaker 1: because you made a concerted effort to say, Okay, like,
Speaker 1: it's a zero sum game. If I'm dating somebody or
Speaker 1: romantically involved as anybody, it will then be taking me
Speaker 1: away from my focus on the game and and my
Speaker 1: job as an athlete, and therefore I won't be the
Speaker 1: best hockey player I can be. So I need to
Speaker 1: just like, there there will be a time when I
Speaker 1: can go hook up with women, but now I just
Speaker 1: have to just focus only on hockey. Like, was that
Speaker 1: the mindset? Yeah, that was my mindset, truly, that was
Speaker 1: full transparency. That was my mindset. Was I wanted to
Speaker 1: pour every ounce of intensity and energy, um and time
Speaker 1: everything I could into dedicating myself to become as good
Speaker 1: at my craft as I could, to reach as high
Speaker 1: a level as possible in my craft as I could.
Speaker 1: And that was my decision. That wasn't put on me
Speaker 1: by parents, siblings, friends, anybody else. That was my decision.
Speaker 1: And so I purposefully just kind of pushed a personal
Speaker 1: life and a romantic relationship to the back burner. Um,
Speaker 1: if I came across somebody year found somebody I was
Speaker 1: intrigued in I would engage as much as I could. Um.
Speaker 1: That didn't happen for the most part um, And so
Speaker 1: all of my pretty much every decision in the course
Speaker 1: of my day was based around what's going to allow
Speaker 1: me to perform the best? What am I eating? How
Speaker 1: am I resting? How my training? What time is the game?
Speaker 1: How am I pre scouting the next game? You know?
Speaker 1: How can I be so prepared to execute at the
Speaker 1: highest possible level? Um? And so I did it, ran fully,
Speaker 1: I pushed, I pushed personal life to the side for many, many,
Speaker 1: many years. And then it got to a point where
Speaker 1: maybe this is what Tories going through. Was around thirty
Speaker 1: years old. Almost when I hit thirty, where I was like,
Speaker 1: I could have the best night at the rink. I
Speaker 1: could score a couple of goals, be first star, be
Speaker 1: toasted for in front of eighteen thousand people. But I'd
Speaker 1: come home and the lights were off, the house was cold,
Speaker 1: there wasn't another heartbeat in the house, and I had
Speaker 1: nobody to share that success with. And I was like, ultimately,
Speaker 1: I was unfulfilled in my life life. And that's when
Speaker 1: I started to turn for me that wow, life is
Speaker 1: more than what I do. It's more than my career.
Speaker 1: It's about living a fulfilled and happy life and the
Speaker 1: ability to express love and to receive love. And so
Speaker 1: then I really made a conscious shift on how do
Speaker 1: I want to lead my life? What do I want
Speaker 1: to prioritize in my life? And now family, friends and
Speaker 1: connection is at the priority of my life. I still
Speaker 1: have massive career aspirations, but those are secondary to a
Speaker 1: fulfilling life full of love and laughter. Is that in retrospect?
Speaker 1: Would you have done it if you could do it
Speaker 1: all again, would you do an anchor for life? No?
Speaker 1: But now I'm at total peace with with all of it,
Speaker 1: with the amount of energy that I poured into it,
Speaker 1: I feel like I got every ounce of potential out
Speaker 1: of myself. I feel like I had the best career.
Speaker 1: I have no regrets about decisions I made in my
Speaker 1: career because I know I poured my entire heart into it,
Speaker 1: and so at peace with that stage of life now,
Speaker 1: which is really allowing me to enjoy fully this stage.
Speaker 1: Did you arrive at that decision part because you saw
Speaker 1: other teammates that were like you know, they came in,
Speaker 1: they put our time on the rank, and then they
Speaker 1: couldn't wait to go out to the clubs and hook
Speaker 1: up with girls, and you know, you just you saw
Speaker 1: how that made them less. They didn't realize their potential
Speaker 1: as a result, So you didn't want to go down
Speaker 1: that path. No, that had nothing to do with it. No,
Speaker 1: my realizing my potential was just my journey from the
Speaker 1: as a child. It was my dream to become the
Speaker 1: best hockey player I could. That had nothing to do
Speaker 1: with it. But it was really cool to see people
Speaker 1: that I knew dedicated their their hearts to the game
Speaker 1: and then go into the family lounge afterwards and pick
Speaker 1: up their daughter, pick up their son and just play
Speaker 1: with them and have their eyes light up in a
Speaker 1: way that I had never seen like they I knew
Speaker 1: that they poured their heart soul into the game, but
Speaker 1: then when I really saw them around their families, You're like, Wow,
Speaker 1: they are happier around their families than they are playing
Speaker 1: this beautiful game that we're so lucky to play. And
Speaker 1: that kind of like include me into two And it
Speaker 1: just was when I got older. So Tori, maybe that's
Speaker 1: the stage of life you're entering now where you're realizing, Hey,
Speaker 1: work is great, I love my work life, but now
Speaker 1: I have the capacity to bring in welcome in more
Speaker 1: fulfillment and joy in my life totally. And I think
Speaker 1: that kind of what Ryan said to also applies to
Speaker 1: a non athlete, Like you start hitting your mid twenties,
Speaker 1: where you see the people still going to the club
Speaker 1: and like cooking up and or just doing the tender
Speaker 1: dates or whatever, and then you also have the other
Speaker 1: half who are like fully, I've had three of my
Speaker 1: friends get engaged this year. Two of them are pregnant.
Speaker 1: So I'm also seeing the like the other side of
Speaker 1: it where it's like, Okay, well do I want that
Speaker 1: or do I still want to live like the l
Speaker 1: a I'm only in my mid twenties. But then it's
Speaker 1: also the other side of I'm already in my mid twenties,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And so I'm seeing both sides,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, don't know which one I want because
Speaker 1: I don't want to have a baby now, Like I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm literally eating celery and peanut butter for breakfast, Like
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm equipped to like prepare a baby's meal,
Speaker 1: you know. But at the same time, it's like, is
Speaker 1: that something I need to be focusing more on is
Speaker 1: like a future of that, Tori, I'm curious about this.
Speaker 1: So you're does does this play into your into your
Speaker 1: thought process? This idea of because my wife has a
Speaker 1: friend who's thirty four, um who who basically is still single,
Speaker 1: and she's like, she is now in this crisis mode
Speaker 1: of she really wants to get married and have kids,
Speaker 1: and she's saying, I'm thirty four, Like how long am
Speaker 1: I going to have eggs that are fertile? Like? And
Speaker 1: so like when am I going to Yeah? And so
Speaker 1: she's like and we did the math and it was
Speaker 1: actually really frightening. More like, Okay, if she met someone today,
Speaker 1: then you're not going to get engaged for at least
Speaker 1: a year probably for you to know that this is
Speaker 1: definitely the guy you want to marry, and then your
Speaker 1: engagement is going to be you know, X long before
Speaker 1: the wedding can happen. And then you want to be
Speaker 1: married for a period of time where you can enjoy
Speaker 1: each other and not distract kids and everything where life
Speaker 1: gets real quickly. And so you do this timeline and
Speaker 1: it's like it's your it's like a five year plan
Speaker 1: before you can even think about having kids. And yes,
Speaker 1: you of course in a later stage of life can
Speaker 1: fast track that. But the point is, um, then you
Speaker 1: start just thinking like do I need to just settle
Speaker 1: for anyone now just to ever have kids someday? And
Speaker 1: that's not a good way to look at it. But
Speaker 1: do you have you begun freaking yourself out at the timeline?
Speaker 1: I mean, you have the luxury of volume being twenty five,
Speaker 1: but still Ryan wants to know if I've become him
Speaker 1: and become a warrior, and yeah, one how to sent
Speaker 1: because for me also, like my whole family extended my grandparents,
Speaker 1: they've all gotten married honestly straight out of college. So
Speaker 1: and I have, um, I would say about sixty immediate
Speaker 1: family sixty people in there, so I have, like, I
Speaker 1: mean half of that is so it's like thirty cousins
Speaker 1: who were married right out of college. And for me,
Speaker 1: all my siblings met their person right out of college
Speaker 1: and got married minus my brother, but he's also a man,
Speaker 1: which is also annoying. They can get married way later
Speaker 1: and have less stress on that, so he's kind of
Speaker 1: the exception. But both my sisters found the person got
Speaker 1: married out of college. My other sisters got pregnant at
Speaker 1: twenty four, which is the same as my mom. So
Speaker 1: it's like I don't know, like should I be there
Speaker 1: because I don't want to be an old mom who
Speaker 1: only has two kids. But at the same time, I
Speaker 1: want to be able to focus on my job and
Speaker 1: my career. But then it's so are It's just like
Speaker 1: I just start spiraling a little bit because I just
Speaker 1: don't know what the answer is because I know I
Speaker 1: can't put pressure on it, and like, my body is
Speaker 1: my body, and it's like all in God's timing if
Speaker 1: you want to say it that way. But at the
Speaker 1: same time, I have to be realistic and knowing that
Speaker 1: like my eggs literally do start dying now, and like
Speaker 1: thirty five, you risk having health issues and your kids.
Speaker 1: So and then if I want to be dating for
Speaker 1: like a couple of years, I essentially need to start now,
Speaker 1: and then we'd want to have kids by you, And
Speaker 1: then it's like you still want to have the honeymoon
Speaker 1: phase even when you're married and not have kids. I'm
Speaker 1: so glad to have another Worrior with me. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: out numbered here with two warriors. Your eggs frozen. Now,
Speaker 1: I know, it's crazy, it's crazy I'm just asking a question.
Speaker 1: It's not crazy. I don't think it's crazy at all.
Speaker 1: You're young and healthy, Like, yeah, yeah, I mean, I
Speaker 1: think that that's something that as crossed my mind just
Speaker 1: because I am very career driven and I don't want
Speaker 1: to be in a position where I've put my career
Speaker 1: four in the forefront so much that I've missed out
Speaker 1: on a lot of opportunities, which I think I'm kind
Speaker 1: of feeling right now even though I'm only in my
Speaker 1: mid twenties and iself a lot more that I'm excited about.
Speaker 1: I think that I take a lot of pride and
Speaker 1: joy and like my work, like that's what fulfills me.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, like I don't want that
Speaker 1: to be the only thing in my life because I
Speaker 1: don't want to make that like an idol, because there's
Speaker 1: so many things that could happen, you know, pandemic kids,
Speaker 1: you could be furloughed, you could lose your job, something
Speaker 1: could happen, and you know, things just don't work out.
Speaker 1: So it has been something that I've thought about and
Speaker 1: being like, hey, maybe when I'm like twenty eight, I
Speaker 1: do it. Um Or you're just kind of almost like
Speaker 1: you have those alliances, Like I literally an alliance with
Speaker 1: a friend where we're like, okay, we're both single at
Speaker 1: like forty or like thirty eight, let's just get married
Speaker 1: and have babies, you know. Like So I just I
Speaker 1: don't I don't know what the answer is for that
Speaker 1: way yet, because also it is very expensive and there
Speaker 1: are a lot of things to take an account for that,
Speaker 1: just like health risks and YadA YadA, which will just
Speaker 1: make me spile more ryan um. But it is something
Speaker 1: that I have thought about, not as seriously, but it
Speaker 1: is something that I've thought about for my future. Tory,
Speaker 1: I gotta I got a real important question for you,
Speaker 1: and I call it truthfully, I call it my golden question.
Speaker 1: Is what I asked myself, and it changes over time,
Speaker 1: but this is what I asked myself, Like literally every
Speaker 1: single day of my life, are my daily actions congruent
Speaker 1: with my life goals? Say one more time, are my
Speaker 1: daily actions congruent with my life goals? So by that,
Speaker 1: I mean if I want to be a hockey player,
Speaker 1: I can't be playing basketball every day. M hm. You
Speaker 1: know what I mean. If I want to be a
Speaker 1: family man, my heart's got to be there, not absent
Speaker 1: from birthdays and weddings and working all the time and
Speaker 1: gone building a career. So that's what I asked myself,
Speaker 1: is what are and then from there I work backwards
Speaker 1: what are my life goals? Truly like what kind of
Speaker 1: life do I want to lead? And then I work
Speaker 1: backward from there, Am I are my daily actions congruent
Speaker 1: with those life goals? Am I practicing that daily to
Speaker 1: build that kind of a life. So when I when
Speaker 1: I ask you that question, are your are your daily
Speaker 1: actions congruent with your life goals? It's sort of you
Speaker 1: have to go on a journey of okay, defining what
Speaker 1: are your life goals? And then looking back, are you
Speaker 1: living a congruence with those? Yeah? Well, I think that
Speaker 1: I just have a lot to sort through as well,
Speaker 1: just like internally, because for me this is a huge step,
Speaker 1: Like I think a lot of people in my situation,
Speaker 1: especially my age, are now like shoot, especially if you
Speaker 1: live in a big city or you know you're you're
Speaker 1: big at the dating apps, like everything was put on
Speaker 1: pause and quarantine. So now you're having to just sit
Speaker 1: at home and basically figure out new things in your
Speaker 1: life that you want to be working on and so
Speaker 1: this is something that I'm like, Okay, I've realized, like
Speaker 1: I do desire companionship, which I've never desired before, like never.
Speaker 1: There's times I love dating and like I love meeting
Speaker 1: new people and all stuff, but the idea of commitment,
Speaker 1: I think has actually been like more of a fear
Speaker 1: for me because I struggle with the idea. I think, like,
Speaker 1: once I'm evaluating all this, that I don't like to
Speaker 1: be out of control and knowing someone could have control
Speaker 1: over my emotions and feelings is like really scary to
Speaker 1: me because obviously there's like rejection that plays into that,
Speaker 1: or um, you know, having just be vulnerable where let's
Speaker 1: say two months from now or here from now, somebody's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: this isn't working out, then I have to you know,
Speaker 1: deal with that heartbreak and no one wants to feel that,
Speaker 1: you know, Like I remember feeling that in high school
Speaker 1: was probably the last time I've really felt heartbreak, and
Speaker 1: that was enough for me to probably now be realizing
Speaker 1: I never really healed from that. MM. Can I want
Speaker 1: to touch on something that you just said there that
Speaker 1: really like struck a chord with me. So I believe
Speaker 1: someone can only have control you said, like, I don't
Speaker 1: know if I want to feel out of control with
Speaker 1: somebody having, you know, control over my heart or my emotions.
Speaker 1: Somebody only has that control if you give that to them.
Speaker 1: I believe that individually in our lives, our happiness in
Speaker 1: our lives is entirely up to us. I believe that
Speaker 1: somebody can massively amplify and add to your life, but
Speaker 1: I don't think that they can. They can only subtract
Speaker 1: from it if you give them the power to do that.
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean you won't feel hurt or that you
Speaker 1: won't feel sadness a little bit, but that that does
Speaker 1: not Someone will only have the power to make you
Speaker 1: happy or take happiness from you if you grant them
Speaker 1: that happiness or if you grant them that power. But
Speaker 1: also you have to think a lot of men's maturity.
Speaker 1: Is it totally like that, Like there is a lot
Speaker 1: of you know, I'm still am only twenty five, which
Speaker 1: let's be honest, and if I date somebody my age,
Speaker 1: you kind of subtract four years maturity wise, And so
Speaker 1: you're dating like basically younger, and they're not going to
Speaker 1: handle your heart or your emotions. And in the greater
Speaker 1: scheme of things. It's gonna be more like you live
Speaker 1: day to day and it doesn't work out what doesn't
Speaker 1: work out, And there's things said, um more unfiltered and
Speaker 1: like there there are guys who are gonna say things
Speaker 1: that are gonna hurt you and like that can scar you.
Speaker 1: So do you typically of all the guys you dated
Speaker 1: in the past or they always the same age as you?
Speaker 1: And if more recently dating somebody that's four years older
Speaker 1: than You've given the ridiculous mathematical equation you just laid
Speaker 1: out for maturity levels. Listen, I think women can agree
Speaker 1: it's pretty spot on what I just said. For you
Speaker 1: gotta minus the four years. But I will say weirdly,
Speaker 1: all throughout college I dated at like either my age
Speaker 1: or a year younger, and then the last guy most
Speaker 1: recently dated was my age. But I also don't really
Speaker 1: have that total like older age group friends that could
Speaker 1: be like, oh, you should like date my thirty year
Speaker 1: old friend. You know, it's like i'd have to meet
Speaker 1: that naturally, like at a bar or like on a
Speaker 1: dating app, which I'm not on dating apps, I've ryan
Speaker 1: have you ever heard of like you have to subtract
Speaker 1: four years. I've never heard of that, No, I think,
Speaker 1: I mean, maybe it's because we're so mature, we can't.
Speaker 1: You don't hear these things. I have no idea. Very interesting.
Speaker 1: I've made a note of it. Okay, so it's interesting
Speaker 1: to hear. Tor. So let's say, if a guy is thirty,
Speaker 1: you kind of just put him as he's twenty six
Speaker 1: years in maturity? Yes? Is that kind of just a standard,
Speaker 1: like an operating standard amongst women when talking about dating men.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is me strictly speaking this into existence,
Speaker 1: But I when I talked to my other friends, we
Speaker 1: do come with a consensus like you have to subtract
Speaker 1: around like two to four years. Okay. I I don't
Speaker 1: disagree truthfully when I look and I'm speaking just of
Speaker 1: experience from myself, Like if you told me that about me,
Speaker 1: I would probably be like, yeah, I get it. So bops,
Speaker 1: I think let's we should edit out the beginning of
Speaker 1: the podcast. Happy thirty third birthday. I just turned thirty
Speaker 1: three yesterday. Okay, that feels good. I kind of like this.
Speaker 1: You're real go see just here to please? Sorry, quick
Speaker 1: question for you, what what do you think you would
Speaker 1: prefer in a partner do you have a And I
Speaker 1: asked this in kind of a lighthearted way, but um,
Speaker 1: because I believe when you meet somebody, your entire world
Speaker 1: can change. And I don't believe in boxing boxing your
Speaker 1: vision in or your your opportunities into one sort of
Speaker 1: frame or template. But ideally, as you sit today, as
Speaker 1: we're having this conversation today, what would be a real
Speaker 1: good age of somebody that you would like to meet. Well,
Speaker 1: age isn't necessarily an issue for me. It's the I don't.
Speaker 1: I mean, I've dated younger and i've dated older. I've
Speaker 1: dated until like I think he was like, okay, right,
Speaker 1: yeah that was my sugar daddy. I don't kind in
Speaker 1: his dating no what I was three year old. I
Speaker 1: mean I thoroughly enjoyed it. Like your conversations do differ
Speaker 1: the older you get, Like we had conversations that I
Speaker 1: have never had with someone like my age on a
Speaker 1: first date. Um, and like you know, it's great, Like
Speaker 1: I could tell you had like way more initiative, which
Speaker 1: I appreciate, like when we sat down for dinner. I
Speaker 1: don't know all girls like this, but on a first
Speaker 1: day I do enjoy um when like a man kind
Speaker 1: of steps into orders for you like and not like
Speaker 1: she'll take the steak. It's like, oh, like, do you
Speaker 1: wanted to do like a bunch of appetizers, because that's me,
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily always know what I want. So he's like,
Speaker 1: let's just get a bunch of like taste testers for
Speaker 1: the meals. So does order a bunch of things like
Speaker 1: you pick some, I'll pick some. And so I appreciated
Speaker 1: that because which this will actually lead into um, what
Speaker 1: I did kind of want to get into as well
Speaker 1: as I I have been reading a book called Why
Speaker 1: Men Love Bitches and so basically, um, way, hold on,
Speaker 1: let me pause so I can get up who it's
Speaker 1: by Sherry Yes, thank you by Sherry Yes argov um,
Speaker 1: And it's basically on like how to get a man.
Speaker 1: But all my friends are reading this and like right
Speaker 1: now it's like back ordered on Amazon. You have to
Speaker 1: get it. It's like forty bucks for this book, or
Speaker 1: you can get it on Kindle for maybe like fifteen
Speaker 1: sixteen bucks. So it's like a hot commodity right now.
Speaker 1: So I thought, well, I'll just read it and see
Speaker 1: what's going on. So one of the pin points is
Speaker 1: talking about um basically like the whole dinner aspect of it,
Speaker 1: which I have questions for you guys on this. Um.
Speaker 1: I hate it when a man says, hey, let's go
Speaker 1: to dinner. You picked the restaurant because for me, I
Speaker 1: don't know, like from if I'm dating someone who's like
Speaker 1: forty three, he's probably a little bit more well established
Speaker 1: than a twenty five year old. But also like I
Speaker 1: think that men can sometimes like do like a subtle
Speaker 1: flex on a date of like where they want to
Speaker 1: take you, But when they put it in your court,
Speaker 1: you don't want to sound like the bitch who's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: take me to you know, steakhouse or like or like
Speaker 1: STK whatever that is. Don't even know um or you
Speaker 1: know somewhere like West Hollywood. I don't know somewhere fancy.
Speaker 1: I can even think of something. See, that's my problem
Speaker 1: is I don't even know. I don't even know restaurants.
Speaker 1: I eat at home. I love eating at home, and
Speaker 1: so when it's time to go to a restaurant, I'm like, dang,
Speaker 1: I don't even know a restaurant to go to. Brooks
Speaker 1: is like you know, I'm bigging in the super foods.
Speaker 1: I'll make you this kale keen was smoothie with avocado
Speaker 1: ice cream, and then we'll work out. So I will
Speaker 1: say this tory that I do agree with you that
Speaker 1: if a man asks you on a date, that he
Speaker 1: should he should sort of lead. That just my opinion
Speaker 1: that like, I have a great place i'd love to
Speaker 1: take you, you know, and and have a mindset of
Speaker 1: where he wants to take you, or um or make
Speaker 1: it like a conversation like what is your favorite kind
Speaker 1: of food? Like I'd love to take somewhere of a
Speaker 1: food that you like? Um? Oh you like sushi? Okay? Um?
Speaker 1: I know these couple of places. Have you been to
Speaker 1: these before? You haven't been to that one? Awesome, Let's
Speaker 1: go to this one that would be fun? Um I
Speaker 1: don't That's how I would maybe go about it. But
Speaker 1: but like, do men actually want me to pick or
Speaker 1: would they want me to kind of be like the
Speaker 1: nice girl who's like, oh my gosh, no, like you pick.
Speaker 1: I don't care where we go. I'm easy going because
Speaker 1: essentially I am. Or does he want the person who's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: like take me to this nice restaurant, you know, take
Speaker 1: me to sugar fish, take to these places that you're
Speaker 1: going to have to drop some money on you know,
Speaker 1: great sugarfish is so good. I think it is they
Speaker 1: should be a sponsor. I think, Uh, Nozawa, are you listening? Uh?
Speaker 1: I think that posing the question is interesting to me
Speaker 1: because if you're willing to answer it, it's going to
Speaker 1: tell it's going to give me a little bit more
Speaker 1: insight into who you are as a person. So if
Speaker 1: you're willing to say, yeah, let's go to Mastro's, the
Speaker 1: most expensive steakhouse and in the country, are you bel like,
Speaker 1: then I'm thinking like interesting? Like so she that's the
Speaker 1: type of girl she is. She wants things and like
Speaker 1: and by by you saying that, I've now seen my future,
Speaker 1: which is like you want the finest things all the time.
Speaker 1: Do I want to enter into that. I have my
Speaker 1: best friend who did exactly this and he's now married
Speaker 1: to her. But she she wanted to go to this
Speaker 1: crazy fancy restaurant and he felt obliged to do so
Speaker 1: because he was in there and they this is their
Speaker 1: first date. But I said, this is a red flag. Like,
Speaker 1: so now the bar has been said this high. You
Speaker 1: can never go fast, casual or go like middle of
Speaker 1: the road, because she's gonna want it's expensive five star
Speaker 1: meal every time, it's a problem. So then but then
Speaker 1: do men also do this? Do men also then undercut
Speaker 1: that first date and take him to like just kind
Speaker 1: of a middle of a road restaurant because they don't
Speaker 1: want to backpedal from a high end one. I think,
Speaker 1: what you what my thought process would be, take take
Speaker 1: you somewhere that is, I would do exactly what you said, Bruce.
Speaker 1: I'd say, like, do you like what do you like
Speaker 1: Italian sushi? Like you give me the the type of
Speaker 1: cuisines that are are interesting to you, and then I'll
Speaker 1: know what the best places to take you within that
Speaker 1: John Us. So if you say sushi, like I'm gonna
Speaker 1: take you somewhere that's not a chain, that's not ridiculous,
Speaker 1: but that you may you probably have never been that,
Speaker 1: you're gonna be like, oh wow, like he took me
Speaker 1: some or not mainstream. He put thought into it, like
Speaker 1: I think. Also the hard part is like girls love
Speaker 1: to be romance and I think that's definitely a lost
Speaker 1: art happening in our generation. And so it's like you
Speaker 1: kind of do want the guy to be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: let's get to Mastros, Like I want to treat you right,
Speaker 1: But now it comes with the fact of Okay, are
Speaker 1: you're just taking me to masters to have a nice
Speaker 1: dinner to like, does that mean now like sex is
Speaker 1: in the back of your mind, where like I do
Speaker 1: have to like you would have to put out on
Speaker 1: the first date. Like it just has made things so confusing.
Speaker 1: Like I don't know if you guys can speak on this,
Speaker 1: but like taking a girl to a nice date in
Speaker 1: the past, has it been like I'm going to romance
Speaker 1: her quote unquote, but like this is going to lead
Speaker 1: to sex because now I'm dropping some money or at
Speaker 1: least in the hopes of that. Um. The hangup I
Speaker 1: have here is that it's date one on date one,
Speaker 1: like if I don't know, it's just like I'm a
Speaker 1: traditional guy, like to consider myself a traditional guy. Like
Speaker 1: date one is should be fun, energetic, playful and like
Speaker 1: just have a fun time and and the atmosphere of
Speaker 1: surroundings whatever that can add to that, but that's kind
Speaker 1: of secondary to like the person you're with and the
Speaker 1: interaction Like date one could be could be, Um, anything
Speaker 1: could be a fun activity that doesn't have to be
Speaker 1: like going out for supper. You know, I think that's
Speaker 1: also a lost start. People think going on a date
Speaker 1: has to be just going for supper with somebody. Will
Speaker 1: you sit down and you just converse with them? But like,
Speaker 1: what if you're active with somebody, doing something fun and
Speaker 1: playful and laughter and there's actually an activity that you
Speaker 1: can bond over versus just sitting and eating. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: what if you have to pull up bars and you're
Speaker 1: both just like talking and getting to know each other.
Speaker 1: I hope you're doing pull ups or you know, something
Speaker 1: like that. But this but this is like a serious
Speaker 1: question though. It's like, how quickly in let's say, you're
Speaker 1: like really physically tracked to this girl, are you kind
Speaker 1: of like looking forward to that or like wanting to
Speaker 1: Because we have to realize we're in the hookup culture now,
Speaker 1: so for us, it's like you do things for that transaction.
Speaker 1: I have I have a friend who about a week ago,
Speaker 1: I was having a conversation with him and he told
Speaker 1: me a story, um, how he was really into this girl,
Speaker 1: super into this girl, and he goes, the biggest mistake
Speaker 1: we made was we had sex on night one. He said,
Speaker 1: that was the biggest mistake. He goes, then, I was
Speaker 1: just for some reason, just kind of not into her,
Speaker 1: even though she was wonderful, I was just kind of
Speaker 1: not into her, and he goes, I bet if we
Speaker 1: would have waited a couple of weeks, there was a
Speaker 1: chance of a relationship there. But for some reason, it
Speaker 1: just kind of rocked his boat that they had sex
Speaker 1: on night one and then they never neither of them
Speaker 1: pursued any more relationship from that. I think. I think
Speaker 1: what Tory is saying is fascinating, and I think there's
Speaker 1: so much to unpack in terms of like, if you
Speaker 1: go to the really fancy steakhouse, do do you then
Speaker 1: owe this guy's like some sexual favor as a result,
Speaker 1: And like, yeah, if you were to the Dungeoness crab
Speaker 1: cocktail on the lobster Yoki, I mean, there may be
Speaker 1: some expectations there and then you're like, is it worth
Speaker 1: the meal? If I then have to owe this guy
Speaker 1: is something at the end? What if I don't like him?
Speaker 1: Now I'm gonna feel the guilt. It's almost like now
Speaker 1: if they say mastros, is that a red flag? Is
Speaker 1: that automatically you saying great, this guy is going to
Speaker 1: just expect something out of me at the end of
Speaker 1: the day. It's a great question. But that is interesting
Speaker 1: about your friend because I was going to ask my
Speaker 1: second faulup question would be honest with me, You guys,
Speaker 1: be very honest. Do you actually judge girls? Because I
Speaker 1: know you always like be a free spirit, be who
Speaker 1: you want, But do you actually judge girls for sleeping
Speaker 1: on the first date? You personally, if you hear someone saying, yeah,
Speaker 1: I was really into him and like we slept together,
Speaker 1: are your first gut instincts saying good or like eikes? Um,
Speaker 1: I'll go this way. To be truthfully honest, I would
Speaker 1: go sixty kind of yikes. But I try not to
Speaker 1: judge people. Um. I had a strength and conditioning coach
Speaker 1: who hooked up with his now wife. They have three kids. Um,
Speaker 1: on the very first night married, just kind of knew
Speaker 1: that they were. I don't know they that's just their
Speaker 1: journey went like that. So I'm not saying it can't work.
Speaker 1: My you asked me honestly to answer this question. I'm like, like,
Speaker 1: because I'm I'd like to consider myself a traditional guy. UM,
Speaker 1: so I'm kind of like initially jarred, like maybe that's
Speaker 1: not the best for the long term, but um, just
Speaker 1: how I feel, but I don't hold any judgment against it.
Speaker 1: Answer gut and and I've seen with my own eyes
Speaker 1: it works out in somebody's life where they are life
Speaker 1: partners and have built a family together. Brian. Uh, I'm
Speaker 1: of a similar mindset. I think every situation is completely different.
Speaker 1: I tend to like, if I really feel like I
Speaker 1: care or will ultimately care deeply about this person, like
Speaker 1: and I view her as potential life material that I
Speaker 1: am less inclined to want to rush it on the
Speaker 1: first night, just have sex, Like I'm saying, like, because
Speaker 1: I think this could lead to something life changing, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna slow play it to a to a degree so
Speaker 1: as to not jeopardize that. Well, Brian, you have kids,
Speaker 1: So let's say your your kids come home one of
Speaker 1: these days saying hey, Dad, like, yeah this happened. Are
Speaker 1: you feeling like, yeah, okay, that's like your that's your situation.
Speaker 1: Or would you be like, I don't do that again. Uh?
Speaker 1: So what my son comes home and says, I just
Speaker 1: had sex with this girl on the first night, Yes,
Speaker 1: and he was like, I don't really know if I
Speaker 1: was into her, but we slept together. Is he then
Speaker 1: saying why? But I am in love or like I
Speaker 1: really think there's a future here, Like I guess I
Speaker 1: would just be like, okay, you know after I high
Speaker 1: five to him, I would I guess it would just
Speaker 1: be like, you know, play it out, Like just because
Speaker 1: it happens doesn't mean you've now put a nail on
Speaker 1: the coffin. You you could have felt such a strong
Speaker 1: connection that there is a connection you've never felt ever
Speaker 1: before that led you to doing this, and that that
Speaker 1: connection will remain from that day forward unbreakable when you
Speaker 1: end up with them. Who knows? So Like, I don't
Speaker 1: think it's like trying true role that if you do
Speaker 1: that on nine one that like you're doomed for failure
Speaker 1: at all. I think there's plenty of examples where that
Speaker 1: has happened in people of have long, great relationships. Definitely,
Speaker 1: tory Um, what what kind of qualities or characteristics are
Speaker 1: you looking for in a partner? One of the top
Speaker 1: three qualities that you're looking for, um, Well, obviously someone
Speaker 1: with like morals, because like I have a faith, and
Speaker 1: so I would love someone that has like the same
Speaker 1: kind of like morals or at least something that they
Speaker 1: believe in passionately. Um. The second one would be personality.
Speaker 1: I am like, I need to have a good personality
Speaker 1: and want to be outgoing and fun, which is hard
Speaker 1: to find. Okay, yes, because defined personality like I like
Speaker 1: life of the party, energetic, I'm someone who's like never
Speaker 1: never stops, and people always like, oh you need to
Speaker 1: do the opposites attract, but for me like opposite. I've
Speaker 1: dated opposites and I am so bored, so bored. Um.
Speaker 1: I would would rather have someone who's like very similar
Speaker 1: to me and like being outgoing where we maybe both
Speaker 1: burned out, being like we're exhausted, but like let's keep
Speaker 1: going and I don't know, but um, and that could
Speaker 1: just be the young meet because also, again you know,
Speaker 1: talking about characteristics, like this last guy that I talked to,
Speaker 1: he was amazing. He was like he could honestly get
Speaker 1: married tomorrow. But for me, I was like, Okay, if
Speaker 1: I was thirty, this would be the guy. But where
Speaker 1: I am at like I'm just not there yet. Okay.
Speaker 1: But that brings me to another question I have for
Speaker 1: you guys. So dating in the past, one of the
Speaker 1: worst lines I've been told is you're not the girl
Speaker 1: I marry or sorry, you're the girl I marry and
Speaker 1: I'm just not ready for that right now? What the
Speaker 1: hell does that line mean? Because it is my biggest
Speaker 1: pet peeve because I'm well, I'm not looking for marriage either,
Speaker 1: Like that's so much pressure to put on me. Is
Speaker 1: that just the line to cop out? And like, be honest?
Speaker 1: Is this a cop outline? Is this something that like
Speaker 1: generally guys feel because they feel, um, be intimidated or
Speaker 1: they're not enough for the person, or is it just
Speaker 1: they don't have any other words to say? But like,
Speaker 1: I don't want this to go on anymore. I think
Speaker 1: it's I think it's a garbage line by a guy.
Speaker 1: If that's a guy that gave it to you, I
Speaker 1: think it's a garbage line. I think what he's really
Speaker 1: saying is like I think, actually what he's saying is
Speaker 1: you're actually a better person than I am at this moment,
Speaker 1: he's actually seeing truth and honesty in you. And he's like,
Speaker 1: I'm not there yet. I'm an idiot. I want to
Speaker 1: run around as a dumb, young, dumb kid here for
Speaker 1: a while. Um, I wish I had your kind of
Speaker 1: clarity on life and presence and commitment. Um, but that's
Speaker 1: if if those words were to come out of my mouth,
Speaker 1: that's probably what I would be saying, Ryan, what do
Speaker 1: you think there? I think you're I think yeah. He's
Speaker 1: basically saying, it's I can boil it down to this.
Speaker 1: He's basic saying, like I just want to hook up.
Speaker 1: I want to have like I want to just hook
Speaker 1: up right now, Like I don't even want to think
Speaker 1: about long term. But the when you decode that, that
Speaker 1: basically implies that men that that a woman could never
Speaker 1: have the same mindset right, Like to your point, sorry
Speaker 1: that you you yourself could never be in a position
Speaker 1: where you're like just wanting to hook up and also
Speaker 1: not wanting to think about marriage, and therefore that the
Speaker 1: two of you would actually be great for each other
Speaker 1: in that moment because you both want the same thing, right,
Speaker 1: But it's this warped mentality of like a woman could
Speaker 1: never just want to fulfill that aspect and not be
Speaker 1: thinking about wanting to like buckle down and like commit
Speaker 1: to some long term thing. What do all men think
Speaker 1: that woman just date for marriage? Uh? I would say no, um,
Speaker 1: And I was actually just having this conversation the other day.
Speaker 1: I have a friend who is in her thirties and
Speaker 1: has said she's not looking for a lifetime partner right now.
Speaker 1: M hmm, she's she's actually just having fun. Um, she's
Speaker 1: really since the since COVID has happened, she's really stopped dating.
Speaker 1: But she was kind of dating until like January favorite
Speaker 1: and stopped it. And she's like, I'm actually super enjoying
Speaker 1: this time, just reading a lot, working on myself, Um,
Speaker 1: discovering a lot about myself, and like, I'm not searching
Speaker 1: or seeking a lifetime partner right now. That doesn't mean
Speaker 1: I don't want one in the future, but um, right
Speaker 1: now I'm not. And she's in her thirties, So I
Speaker 1: wouldn't say I don't think men look at that. I
Speaker 1: think there's a societal connotation somewhat that that's but I
Speaker 1: think it's misinformed or ill informed. But I think that
Speaker 1: is present where guys tend to think that women just
Speaker 1: want to get married, but having friends that that I
Speaker 1: have actually as like they don't. Not everyone does. It's
Speaker 1: an individual. You can't just paint a broad stroke across
Speaker 1: every woman wants to get married, because it's not true.
Speaker 1: They all don't right now. Um, same with guys. Some
Speaker 1: guys take a while more to find. Took me till
Speaker 1: my thirties almost to find the capacity to want to
Speaker 1: welcome a committed relationship like other guys. I have another
Speaker 1: friend who was married at the age of twenty r
Speaker 1: has three beautiful boys. Like married at the age of twenty,
Speaker 1: and he found that purpose in that happiness ten years
Speaker 1: before I did. So. I don't think we could just
Speaker 1: paint a broad stroke over men men this way and
Speaker 1: women this way, um, but I would say that, yes,
Speaker 1: what you're asking, does that is that somewhat of an
Speaker 1: underlying connotation in society? I would say yes. I really
Speaker 1: think it's like, are you asking like are you overpear it?
Speaker 1: Every case is different. Are you like asking a ton
Speaker 1: of questions that are leading him to believe like you
Speaker 1: want to settle down immediately? And if you're not, then
Speaker 1: there's no reason to assume that. And by the way,
Speaker 1: the guy who said like you're more wife and a
Speaker 1: you real like in his mind, I genuinely believe he
Speaker 1: thinks he's giving you a compliment like and obviously it's
Speaker 1: not received that way, but like I generally believe in
Speaker 1: his he's twenty five, so that's he's twenty one. Maturity
Speaker 1: wise and his twenty one year old infantile man brain.
Speaker 1: He's thinking, like, that's such a nice thing for me
Speaker 1: to say the tory, Like it's reverse psychology, like she's
Speaker 1: going to eat that up that I'm calling her wife
Speaker 1: even more, and then like here we go. That is
Speaker 1: so funny. I feel like that's okay. That brings like
Speaker 1: clarity a little like to that situation. Yeah, I know
Speaker 1: that's the hard part. I think that no matter what
Speaker 1: you say to a woman, like if it's some form
Speaker 1: of rejection, I think that I would rather have, oh
Speaker 1: it say, I'd rather have the harsh truth. But then
Speaker 1: I do know someone else that one of my best friends,
Speaker 1: she was dating a guy and he was like, I
Speaker 1: am just physically not attracted to you. That's just like
Speaker 1: why we can't forego this and it and it's still
Speaker 1: like haunts her to this digs. It's like, am I
Speaker 1: now just like never physically attractive to another male? So
Speaker 1: it's like, I don't know, do I want the more
Speaker 1: passive aggressive line with an underlining meaning or do I
Speaker 1: want them more upfront. I don't know. It's a great question.
Speaker 1: I've said this many times in this podcast that I
Speaker 1: believe that people can take good news and bad news
Speaker 1: as long as it's delivered honestly and truthfully. And so like,
Speaker 1: you're the guy that just told your friend like, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm not physically attracted to you. Um, it's he's he's
Speaker 1: actually being honest there. Now, how he says it, how
Speaker 1: he delivers it, I think there's a lot to be
Speaker 1: put in the stock of how he delivers it. He's like,
Speaker 1: I'm not physically attracted to you. That's like almost a
Speaker 1: that's like an attack on the person that that's just
Speaker 1: a discussing way. But it's like your heart is beautiful.
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm sorry, I'm not physically attracted to you.
Speaker 1: It makes my stomach turn. Yeah, I know, but it's
Speaker 1: but it's the same. I read this book recently, um
Speaker 1: the Four Agreements. I think it's called the Four Agreements,
Speaker 1: and it says, never take anything defensively because I could
Speaker 1: tell you you're beautiful, and how you receive that is
Speaker 1: how you receive that. You can say you can make
Speaker 1: yourself feel great with that, or and on conversely, I
Speaker 1: can tell you I'm not attracted to you, and you
Speaker 1: can make yourself feel like unattractive with that. So, so
Speaker 1: it's like, never take anything, even compliments, like words are
Speaker 1: just words, and it's the emotion you get from them
Speaker 1: comes from the power you give them. So your friend
Speaker 1: is giving this guy so much power when he said
Speaker 1: he's not physically attracted to her, Like, do you think
Speaker 1: you're physically attracted to every person in this world? Is
Speaker 1: that what we think is happening every single person, that
Speaker 1: you would be physically drawn to all of them. No,
Speaker 1: some you're gonna prefer some you aren't going to be
Speaker 1: attracted to physically. It's just you know, so why so
Speaker 1: she's taking that defensive that there's one i I I out
Speaker 1: of four billion guys is not physically attracted to her.
Speaker 1: I Mean the flip side is this is like, I
Speaker 1: agree with you, it's all on the delivery. But it's
Speaker 1: an interesting point. You make books in terms of just
Speaker 1: like being honest, and if he were to say, you know,
Speaker 1: it's just not working out, and you know it's just
Speaker 1: not working out, that is incredibly vague. And now she's
Speaker 1: left to try to make sense of what that actually means,
Speaker 1: like what isn't working out like and she can't. She
Speaker 1: may never be able to get over it because she can't.
Speaker 1: She has no clarity when when he is direct, assuming
Speaker 1: he does so in a eloquent way and not a
Speaker 1: like when I look at you, I want to vomit.
Speaker 1: It's not the line. I'm just I'm having a tough
Speaker 1: time with our physical connection, at least as tough as
Speaker 1: that is on the surface to hear and immediately to
Speaker 1: process when you take a step back, I think ultimately
Speaker 1: she can be a appreciative to at least now, Okay,
Speaker 1: there's nothing I could have done about that, and now
Speaker 1: I can move on. It is what it is, because
Speaker 1: she's also what she's doing there, and I'm not trying
Speaker 1: to attack your friend in any way, but what she's
Speaker 1: doing there, she's making his comment about herself. Yeah. Well,
Speaker 1: I think the hard part that I left out is
Speaker 1: they had already slept together and like been together for
Speaker 1: a long time, so then it brought it led up
Speaker 1: to this moment of him being like, listen, this just
Speaker 1: isn't working out, which I understand because I think that
Speaker 1: usually people are more physical attractive base and I think
Speaker 1: they were more like, uh, friendship compatible. So that carried
Speaker 1: through a lot, and then at the end of the
Speaker 1: day when he was like, Okay, is this something I
Speaker 1: can really forego? It's like, Okay, I'm not physically attracted
Speaker 1: to you. Okay, so that yeah, that context is different. Um,
Speaker 1: but just kind of leave that statement for where it is,
Speaker 1: Like he said he's not physically attracted to you. That
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with you, that's his Can you
Speaker 1: not take that person? Like that? Just sucks. It's like
Speaker 1: something that you literally cannot If you would have been
Speaker 1: like listen, like you're too clingy, that's one thing. But
Speaker 1: to be like you're I'm physically not attracted to you,
Speaker 1: You're like, like there's nothing I can fix on that.
Speaker 1: We asked like this without coming off as insensitive, like
Speaker 1: did she change physically from the time that they first
Speaker 1: hooked up? No? No, I got what you're asking. No,
Speaker 1: she's like they're both athletes, both in great shape. He
Speaker 1: just hit this moment. So, Tory, here's here's where I'm
Speaker 1: coming from on this and why I have this perspective
Speaker 1: and maybe this has helped shape my life. Um, I've
Speaker 1: been traded three times in my life in professional sports.
Speaker 1: So that's essentially saying we don't want you, we want
Speaker 1: that other guy on that other team instead of you,
Speaker 1: and we're going to give them, give you them so
Speaker 1: we can get you, or give you, give them to
Speaker 1: you so we can get him, so he's we value him,
Speaker 1: or and we don't even really know him yet. Well,
Speaker 1: that's happened to me three times in my life and
Speaker 1: by an organization that I spent twelve years there, twelve
Speaker 1: years of my heart and soul. So if I'm going
Speaker 1: to take that as an attack on me that you
Speaker 1: guys don't like me, you blah blah blah, like I'm
Speaker 1: giving them so much power versus just saying, Okay, they
Speaker 1: see me, they know who I am. I'm not the
Speaker 1: fit for them, That's okay, that's okay, But that's not
Speaker 1: a slight on me, because I know how I showed up.
Speaker 1: I know I am who I am. This is the
Speaker 1: effort that I've put in, and if I'm not the
Speaker 1: fit for you, that's okay. It takes some time to
Speaker 1: develop that muscle. I've also been dumped in my life.
Speaker 1: I've also been I've been in a relationship and been dumped,
Speaker 1: So that's okay. I'm like, okay, that's okay, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: leave it. I'm going to accept your words or your actions,
Speaker 1: and I'm not going to take them defensively, but I'm
Speaker 1: going to I'm going to just accept that that's how
Speaker 1: you feel. Otherwise, I'm trying to control everything in this
Speaker 1: world and have everything lined up the way that I wanted. So, Brooks,
Speaker 1: you got did you get traded? Who did the Capital's
Speaker 1: trade you to Toronto? Okay? So as at glast half
Speaker 1: full guy? Could you not say to yourself that rather
Speaker 1: than saying the Capitals didn't want me and so they
Speaker 1: traded me for this other guy, you could look at
Speaker 1: it as like, Wow, the Toronto Maple Leafs wanted me
Speaker 1: so much that they were willing to part with ex
Speaker 1: player in the trade so as to get me. That's
Speaker 1: how desirable I am as a player that that organization
Speaker 1: would go to such great lengths to trade one of
Speaker 1: their guys to get me like that, that seems unless
Speaker 1: you're saying, who was the guy that I was traded for?
Speaker 1: And am I better than him? And you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're right, then that's it's the power that you give
Speaker 1: to the words or the actions that are in front
Speaker 1: of you that are coming from another party. Right. But
Speaker 1: if I could bring this back to the like the
Speaker 1: dating realm for quick second would be like this, okay,
Speaker 1: this is I feel like how girls would take like
Speaker 1: take that call like, um, anything physical that maybe you're
Speaker 1: not attracted to them. Um, you're getting a girl, you
Speaker 1: guys are having sex whatever, and she just goes, listen,
Speaker 1: I need to break up with you. You're just too
Speaker 1: like you're down there, your penis is too tiny. I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry. It's just not working. You're just kind of like, well,
Speaker 1: what am I supposed to do? Fix that? You know
Speaker 1: what I mean? So it's like it's just how do
Speaker 1: you not take it personal? They're literally like attacking. It's
Speaker 1: almost like a character like I feel like men take
Speaker 1: a lot of pride in they're like their package. And
Speaker 1: then now you're just saying it's not good enough. It's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: sure I'm fine, and that one man's trash is another
Speaker 1: you know, man's treasure. What do you want to say?
Speaker 1: But it's like, how do you not take that personal?
Speaker 1: That example you gave, I think I can't. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: let Brooks take that one. I'm sure he's delicate. Um, Tory,
Speaker 1: what it's it's not ever say well, Tori, I want
Speaker 1: you to be six ft six. I don't like you
Speaker 1: because you're not six ft six. You're like, well, I
Speaker 1: can't change that, but it's it's different. It's not like
Speaker 1: a height thing you'd be like, I get it. I'm tall,
Speaker 1: and I don't think I would date a short guy.
Speaker 1: I don't think I would feel feminine enough to date
Speaker 1: a short guy. Like, to be completely honest, well, what's
Speaker 1: wrong with somebody having preferences. It's not wrong, it's just
Speaker 1: like it's different. When you attack like it feels attack
Speaker 1: of like your humanity. Girls are sensitive, we can be
Speaker 1: we're tough, like, we can be the bitch that a
Speaker 1: man wants, but we still have things where like I
Speaker 1: just don't know if you could totally say you're not
Speaker 1: attracted to a woman, I get that, But you just said,
Speaker 1: like you want an outgoing guy. Should that be attack
Speaker 1: on like an introverted guy that he's not good enough,
Speaker 1: he's not outgoing, his personality is not enough personality for somebody.
Speaker 1: We're shaping arguments here, we're framing arguments. I do think
Speaker 1: I get what she's saying, because you can be introverted
Speaker 1: and if you know that you're the person you're dating
Speaker 1: would prefer you come out of your show a little
Speaker 1: bit more like and be more of an extrovert. You're
Speaker 1: never gonna be a full on extrovert, but you can.
Speaker 1: There's an ability to change. Whereas the micro penis example,
Speaker 1: or and this is this is what you're gonna get,
Speaker 1: there's no there's it is what it is and you can't,
Speaker 1: unfortunately ever change that, whereas like personality things and behavioral things,
Speaker 1: you can if you devote yourself to it, you can
Speaker 1: change so that I do I understand, like how you
Speaker 1: could really take it personally, My wife's best friend dating
Speaker 1: a guy with a micro penis, and ah, if he
Speaker 1: only knew the amount of they've since of broken up
Speaker 1: with the amount of jokes that were made about him.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'll be honest. I texted her after my
Speaker 1: first son was born and said to her, hey, just
Speaker 1: cleaning giving him as for spath, like cleaning his penis, Like,
Speaker 1: I've never dealt with the penis. That's small. Can you
Speaker 1: tell me how you're a bad as your boyfriend? She got,
Speaker 1: all right, that's probably could. I felt fine doing No.
Speaker 1: I hate cheaters. But to bring it to another question
Speaker 1: for you guys, intimidating that word is something else. I've
Speaker 1: been told like, like you're kind of like other girls
Speaker 1: have told me, like you're kind of intimidating or whatever,
Speaker 1: and that's never been something that I take pride in.
Speaker 1: But in this book it says like men are attracted
Speaker 1: to women who are intimidating, But like, is that true?
Speaker 1: Are you? Are you more attracted to the woman who's
Speaker 1: could be maybe like a stay at home, go with
Speaker 1: the flow wife, or are you attracted to the woman
Speaker 1: who's like a powerhouse, like knows what she wants and
Speaker 1: like gets career oriented, YadA, YadA. I'm you asked me
Speaker 1: this question. I am processing the word intimidating, and I'm
Speaker 1: trying to think of what what characteristics or presence of
Speaker 1: female A woman would have to have to be intimidating
Speaker 1: to me. I like this, tell me what they are?
Speaker 1: And I don't know. I don't know, Like, um, truthfully,
Speaker 1: I don't know what what's that? Ryan? I can tell?
Speaker 1: I think it's a really interesting question. I would say
Speaker 1: that three qualities would be um, beauty, wealth, and power,
Speaker 1: like any one of those three things, or the most
Speaker 1: intimidating person would be the person who possessed all three
Speaker 1: of those attributes. Beauty, wealth, and power. They're all intimidating.
Speaker 1: So that attractive to you or not attractive? You know,
Speaker 1: it's attractive. It's absolutely attractive. Yeah, Like I mean, here's
Speaker 1: what I would say, Like I think, if you, I
Speaker 1: mean to if like you're so career driven, career or
Speaker 1: in you you do great things with your job or
Speaker 1: in your job, that's attractive, right because like I don't
Speaker 1: I personally could never be attracted to someone who didn't
Speaker 1: have career aspirations prior to us meeting and prior to
Speaker 1: being married, and just wanted to immediately find a guy
Speaker 1: settled down and and had no drive and as long
Speaker 1: as they had that drive and then had to change
Speaker 1: course once life got in the way and we had
Speaker 1: kids and stuff like that. Like that's completely different. But
Speaker 1: I think it's very attractive to have drive and to
Speaker 1: have power or any one of those three three things
Speaker 1: I mentioned. I agree with the drive part, the power part.
Speaker 1: It's very subjective. Well in terms of intimidation, though, you
Speaker 1: wouldn't say you could be intimidated by someone who has
Speaker 1: a tremendous amount of power. I don't know, like what
Speaker 1: what kind of political power? What? What? What are you
Speaker 1: giving power. The word power, Like if you met Michelle Obama,
Speaker 1: for instance, would you not would you not admit that
Speaker 1: there it would be because of the power that she
Speaker 1: has and who she is, and or Oprah Winfrey, Like
Speaker 1: you get what I'm saying, Like there isn't aura of intimidation.
Speaker 1: I think because they have so much power. I see
Speaker 1: what you're saying. Do you think that the people who
Speaker 1: are more and I have a follow up question to this,
Speaker 1: but the people who are more intimidating, though, I think,
Speaker 1: have a harder time dating. So basically like being successful,
Speaker 1: being driven, I think takes you into a different almost
Speaker 1: era of dating where you do have to wait to
Speaker 1: date older because younger guys aren't going for intimidating girls.
Speaker 1: So if you guys could, like think of a celebrity,
Speaker 1: because I think it'd be interesting. So Ryan, you've said,
Speaker 1: kind of like Oprah or like Michelle Obama is someone
Speaker 1: that you would think is like intimidating. But who do
Speaker 1: you think is intimidating in your eyes? And would you
Speaker 1: ever approach that person? I'm trying to think right same
Speaker 1: with you. You have to think of someone else. I'm
Speaker 1: trying to think of somebody who I would be like
Speaker 1: intimidated by I would I would just clarify, I don't
Speaker 1: think Oprah she's great. I don't think she possesses all three.
Speaker 1: I'm not as physically attracted to Oprah. I would say,
Speaker 1: but like get like Beyonce j Low, I'd say, they
Speaker 1: have all three. They have they have power, they have beauty,
Speaker 1: and they have wealth all it's the holy trend of
Speaker 1: intimidation at all. Right, But would you ever go up
Speaker 1: to that person and approach them if they were sitting
Speaker 1: next to each other like a football game, and you
Speaker 1: were like, this is my time? Would you take advantage
Speaker 1: of it? It all depends on the guy. I would
Speaker 1: because that excites me that those butterflies of being like
Speaker 1: this is like somebody who's what. Let's go back to
Speaker 1: what the guy saying, you're more wife material In the
Speaker 1: guy's mind, when he's telling you, you know, you're intimidating,
Speaker 1: that's a compliment. He's saying, you're you could be perceived
Speaker 1: to be out of his league because of all those attributes,
Speaker 1: and he believes that's a compliment genuinely. Um. But some
Speaker 1: guys are fearful of that and they want to just
Speaker 1: they want to be able to be with someone who's
Speaker 1: who's beneath them so that they can control that. I
Speaker 1: don't know, that's a whole another thing. But I think
Speaker 1: it's exciting to pursue somebody that's out of your league
Speaker 1: or that's intimidating, because that's so interesting to me though,
Speaker 1: because it's like, that's not the dating scenes. And I
Speaker 1: almost don't believe you because I think that like men
Speaker 1: would rather go for the easy option, which is definitely
Speaker 1: more of a trait in in my generation. It's like
Speaker 1: what's easier and more convenient. It may not be long lasting,
Speaker 1: but that's the one they're going to initially go for.
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe that's an insecurity in the man because if
Speaker 1: this woman has, as Ryan says, beauty, wealth and power,
Speaker 1: she's undoubtedly got options. Right with that undoubtedly going to
Speaker 1: come options, And so maybe the man is thinking like
Speaker 1: I can't get her, she's too good for me, or
Speaker 1: she's I'm scared, Like maybe I'll go for somebody that
Speaker 1: has less options because that's gonna make me feel more secure. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I think the guy doesn't want to face rejections.
Speaker 1: So if you go for someone who's intimidating you have
Speaker 1: a higher likelihood of being rejected, which makes you feel
Speaker 1: bad about yourself. So yeah, you you are inclined to
Speaker 1: go for the short thing that won't reject you. But
Speaker 1: like you read about this in all the magazines, by
Speaker 1: the way, like not a sure thing that person could
Speaker 1: reject you anyway. You know then, And I will also
Speaker 1: say this that I've I've been fortunate in my life
Speaker 1: to meet many, um people that are very successful, that
Speaker 1: are very beautiful, that are very wealthy, um, just through
Speaker 1: my community here in Los Angeles, and a lot of
Speaker 1: them are the most kind and generous and grateful and
Speaker 1: warmhearted people have ever met. I think that we're giving
Speaker 1: a misconnotation to people that are successful or maybe beautiful,
Speaker 1: or have a platform or something that that they're untouchable
Speaker 1: or intimidating, when actually know all they want to do
Speaker 1: is love. In this world, all I want to do
Speaker 1: is welcome people into their circle. And I'm sure that's
Speaker 1: examples of the opposite, but I in my life have
Speaker 1: witnessed those kinds of examples as well. It's the credentials
Speaker 1: that are intimidating. It's not the person themselves once you
Speaker 1: approach them, it's about getting to the balls to approach them.
Speaker 1: That is the most intimating thing. But then once you
Speaker 1: connect they are people too. When you read about it
Speaker 1: in US Weekly, it's like it's interviewing an actress who's
Speaker 1: you know, gorgeous, and it's like they're single. Why are
Speaker 1: you still singles? Like nobody ever approaches me, Like I
Speaker 1: don't know, And I always roll my eyes at that,
Speaker 1: but I guess it's true, like because of how intimidating
Speaker 1: they are, nobody wants or thinks that they would have
Speaker 1: a chance, so they just don't deal with them. Tori,
Speaker 1: do you get approached often? I mean, like if I'm
Speaker 1: at a bar for let's say, like a night, I'll
Speaker 1: have like someone like maybe it's just it's hard because
Speaker 1: it's like I do get a pro but it's never
Speaker 1: somebody that I would like, really want to talk to.
Speaker 1: It's always a person when you're like really man, like
Speaker 1: you're up to my shoulder or like you're eight years old.
Speaker 1: It's like kind of like we missed the marker a
Speaker 1: lot um. But like I do go on dates or
Speaker 1: like I'll get set up or things like that, But
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say I'm like the most approached person. No,
Speaker 1: do you do you feel that you have anything to
Speaker 1: do with that? And knowing you, I feel the answer
Speaker 1: is no. But like you know how some people give
Speaker 1: off an energy like don't come near me, and the
Speaker 1: other people just give off an energy like they're warm
Speaker 1: and bubbly and welcoming of people into their circle. I
Speaker 1: believe you're the because I know you. I've known you
Speaker 1: for a year now, and you are the latter to me,
Speaker 1: But um, do you believe that that's any part of
Speaker 1: it or you're like, No, I I'm warm everywhere I go,
Speaker 1: And I definitely think I'm warm wherever I go because
Speaker 1: I genuinely love humans. Like I said, I'm an extrovert
Speaker 1: to the max. Um, but I will say, like my
Speaker 1: mom calls me emotionally unavailable a lot because to really
Speaker 1: know me, Like even some of my best friends are
Speaker 1: like I still don't know if I totally know Tori.
Speaker 1: And it's because like I am just not someone who
Speaker 1: like can completely let my guard down or like want
Speaker 1: to share life with you, because first of all, like
Speaker 1: opening up to people, like it's just awkward in general
Speaker 1: because you know the person can't totally help you. You know,
Speaker 1: It's like I could say, hey, I'm feeling insecure about
Speaker 1: myself even like dating. It's like a guy can tell
Speaker 1: you're beautiful, but you're I almost here opposite because it's like,
Speaker 1: I know I struggle with that and like your words
Speaker 1: aren't going to do anything for me, but you think
Speaker 1: like you need to hear affirmation, and then you hear
Speaker 1: and it's not good enough. So I just don't really
Speaker 1: open up about things like that because it doesn't make
Speaker 1: me feel good. So I internalize a lot more um
Speaker 1: rather than like let people totally in. So I will
Speaker 1: say I'm initially like, I'm always very warm, I'll always
Speaker 1: be there, I'll always be very extroverted. But to really
Speaker 1: get to know O me, I think, is where I
Speaker 1: can come off as like a closed door mm hmm.
Speaker 1: You don't have any there's no body order issues or
Speaker 1: anything that might be it too, honestly does add it
Speaker 1: to list? Ryan? Thanks, I'm just trying to cover everything here, okay.
Speaker 1: And by the way, the eight year old that approached
Speaker 1: you at the bar like the seventy six mentally and
Speaker 1: that's not too bad, that's true, You're right, Shoot, we
Speaker 1: missed opportunities, uh, Tory, I'll say from a from my standpoint,
Speaker 1: as I want to say, guys standpoint, but I don't
Speaker 1: know if it's true. But from my standpoint, like I think, Um,
Speaker 1: I think kindness is so attractive. I think somebody with
Speaker 1: an open heart is so attractive. Um. And conversely, I
Speaker 1: think somebody with a closed heart that is really fighting
Speaker 1: hard or like that to me is off putting. It's
Speaker 1: very off putting. I'm like, what is the struggle? What
Speaker 1: are you fighting against? Like, I'm I'm here to open
Speaker 1: my heart to you and to be on your team
Speaker 1: and to be together in this and you're you're fighting
Speaker 1: to keep me out? Like what that? That's not attractive
Speaker 1: to me, just speaking from my own and I get
Speaker 1: I get that when people open up, there's a possibility
Speaker 1: one there one, there's a possibility that somebody is truly
Speaker 1: going to see you. Right when you open up, somebody
Speaker 1: was truly going to see you. Um. And I've really
Speaker 1: only learned a lot about this since our dogs passed
Speaker 1: in September, because I broke my heart wide open where
Speaker 1: I couldn't protect anything. And I've cried probably five times
Speaker 1: since our dogs passed, Like just emotions come and they
Speaker 1: come now, and I'm so grateful for that that I
Speaker 1: don't have the I don't know if it's the will
Speaker 1: or even the ability anymore to try and suppress emotions
Speaker 1: where everything comes right through my heart and I'm fully
Speaker 1: transparent and and people in the room can see and
Speaker 1: feel that. And if that means I cry in front
Speaker 1: of a bunch of dudes, I cry in front of
Speaker 1: a bunch of dudes. It's just real. Um. But that
Speaker 1: just recently came to me through a tragic event in
Speaker 1: my life. But having like knowing that now, I love
Speaker 1: to see somebody's heart. I love to see somebody's heart,
Speaker 1: and not to me is extremely attractive. Yeah, if you're
Speaker 1: emotionally unavailable, I don't have time for you. Like it's
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna, like I'm trying to get establish a
Speaker 1: connection here or pursue what could be a connection, and
Speaker 1: if you're closed off, then I'm not gonna waste my
Speaker 1: time trying to like convince you to open up. Like
Speaker 1: it's a mindset, commit to this and let's go totally. Now.
Speaker 1: I appreciate hearing that, because I think that I do
Speaker 1: need to hear that, But I feel like, at the
Speaker 1: same time, again, I hate to just keep saying like
Speaker 1: my generation, because I think that it does apply to
Speaker 1: all men though, but like I never in my head
Speaker 1: when I think of like the male population, it's not
Speaker 1: in like the highest standard necessarily, and it might be
Speaker 1: because now I'm in l A and l A. It's
Speaker 1: definitely hard to date. But when I think of men,
Speaker 1: I'm like, do you actually want to get to know me?
Speaker 1: Or is this just a way for you to like,
Speaker 1: because then it's like, okay. Then if you have the
Speaker 1: overly overly emotional girl or someone who's just like opening
Speaker 1: up or like bears all to you, then it's like,
Speaker 1: oh that's too much and like that's overwhelming or she's crazy.
Speaker 1: So it's like it's hard not to be on that spectrum.
Speaker 1: And like I would rather be the easy going girl
Speaker 1: who still knows what I want, but like the easy
Speaker 1: going like you don't need to be involved in all
Speaker 1: that aspects until maybe your one or whatever. Being dramatic,
Speaker 1: but I would rather like hold out than be called
Speaker 1: or like in that stigma like a crazy woman, you know,
Speaker 1: or the crazy girl. It's a tory. This is great.
Speaker 1: I want to just appreciate you for opening up your
Speaker 1: questions and your thoughts are real, and they're challenging me
Speaker 1: to really think deeply on this. It's actually it's a
Speaker 1: fair point, touche. I think there's like, yeah, on day
Speaker 1: one or week one, do you want to unload all
Speaker 1: of your deepest, darkest issues. Probably not, But there's a
Speaker 1: happy medium towards being open and then you know, in
Speaker 1: time kind of it's just a slow burn, I think
Speaker 1: is what it has to be. Yeah, I agree with Ryan.
Speaker 1: I agree with you there, buddy. Um. I also think
Speaker 1: one word that I've been focusing a lot on in
Speaker 1: my life lately is intent, intent and in coded energy,
Speaker 1: like what's when you go on a date? What's your intent?
Speaker 1: How are you showing up energetically on this date? Is
Speaker 1: it for true connection to really discover this person, to
Speaker 1: learn about this person, to connect with this person and
Speaker 1: share share yourself or is it like hey, I'm just bored.
Speaker 1: We're showing up to have some fun tonight and we're
Speaker 1: gonna just and whatever happens happens kind of, you know.
Speaker 1: And so something I've been focusing on in all areas
Speaker 1: of my life, not just personal but career as well,
Speaker 1: being on this podcast, like what is my intent here?
Speaker 1: And and the more you the more that I found
Speaker 1: that I focused on that, the better radar I have
Speaker 1: of somebody else's intent. And if I like, if I go,
Speaker 1: say it's even just a business meeting or say whatever,
Speaker 1: I can tell if somebody just wants something for from
Speaker 1: me they're like, yeah, yeah, I want they want something
Speaker 1: from me, Or if like they want to do something
Speaker 1: and partner on something with me, because we could make
Speaker 1: something amazing and serve the community you with it. You know,
Speaker 1: like the radar becomes better for what is this person's intent?
Speaker 1: And I think if you lead with your intent on
Speaker 1: a date and as Ryan said, a little bit of
Speaker 1: a slow burn, don't come out and tell me everything
Speaker 1: that's gone wrong in your life and and try and
Speaker 1: like share all of that. Like, let's let's get to
Speaker 1: know each other, let's discover the other person, share drip
Speaker 1: a little bit of myself. Let's see if this connection
Speaker 1: is working. And I'm actually here honoring you, honoring getting
Speaker 1: to know somebody new and in return respecting that you're
Speaker 1: there in the same facet that I am. And I'm
Speaker 1: going to open myself up to to honor your honor.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Um, I just believe in
Speaker 1: intent and encoded energy so much in our presence and
Speaker 1: living that way has really opened my radar to how
Speaker 1: other people are showing up in front of me. M hm.
Speaker 1: Does that help at all? Does that make sense? Only?
Speaker 1: I think it's something that like if I could pinpoint
Speaker 1: one thing in dating is like to do that to
Speaker 1: like open to be more like vulnerable and like when
Speaker 1: people want to actually know something to not give like
Speaker 1: the I'm fine answer. It's just again, it's hard because
Speaker 1: there's so many double standards, like we just discussed the
Speaker 1: like crazy versus like I'm not going to deal with
Speaker 1: you if you're not gonna open up to me or
Speaker 1: like be in it or be you know. So it's
Speaker 1: just it's just it's just why dating is so freaking
Speaker 1: hard in this generation because there's so many like pros
Speaker 1: and cons to each one. And and when I evaluate,
Speaker 1: I know that I would rather I get I don't
Speaker 1: even know if I could say that, but like I
Speaker 1: would rather I guess be heartbroken and like at least
Speaker 1: like try to risk it to to open myself up.
Speaker 1: But then the idea of being heartbroken and it's just
Speaker 1: like it's so brutal, like heartbreak is so brutal that
Speaker 1: I don't I don't desire to go there, and I'd
Speaker 1: rather just be like be lonely. But then it's like
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. Like a couple of weeks ago,
Speaker 1: we were I mean like there's been like this quarantine
Speaker 1: kind of group. We've been bouncing back and forth between
Speaker 1: and like this guy kind of came back and like
Speaker 1: we didn't have sex or anything, but like we definitely
Speaker 1: messed around. But then I woke up the next morning
Speaker 1: and I was like, well, this doesn't feel good, you know.
Speaker 1: And so it's like I'm just I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: like losing in so many different areas that it's like
Speaker 1: I would I guess I would rather have heartbreak than
Speaker 1: like wake up with someone that I'm like, I don't
Speaker 1: really feel good about that, you know, m But it's
Speaker 1: just hard because it's a yeah, it's a dance. And
Speaker 1: and Tori, I also give you credit your twenty five.
Speaker 1: Like Ryan and I are both thirty seven, that's twelve
Speaker 1: years of life experience. And and I honestly like I
Speaker 1: honestly the more I hear myself talk and have this
Speaker 1: discussion I had, I would even put that four years
Speaker 1: that you discount men to even to tend for me,
Speaker 1: you know, like, um, like when I was in my
Speaker 1: mid twenties, story, I had none. I wasn't asking I
Speaker 1: wasn't even asking myself these questions that you're asking, Like,
Speaker 1: I think you're evolved in so far head at least
Speaker 1: just from my own journey. Like I feel I'm a
Speaker 1: late arrival. I'm a late arrival to everything, is how
Speaker 1: I feel. Truly, Yeah, I just feel that way. I
Speaker 1: feel like I wish I had more emotional capacity earlier
Speaker 1: in my life. I wish I had so many more things,
Speaker 1: And I see I have many friends in my life.
Speaker 1: Like you're twenty five, I think you're so far ahead
Speaker 1: of the trajectory, you know, to even be asked, to
Speaker 1: have the awareness to ask these questions and be seeking
Speaker 1: these things, um versus just like you're you're you're asking
Speaker 1: yourself how to offer this amazing How can I offer
Speaker 1: this amazing person to somebody. That's a journey you're on.
Speaker 1: That's why you read, That's why you're like, you want
Speaker 1: to know more about how to connect with somebody and
Speaker 1: offer a great version of yourself to somebody versus just
Speaker 1: saying I need somebody to fix me, like somebody or
Speaker 1: not to fix me, but something definitely, you know, like
Speaker 1: just that that intent and quoted energy it's self is
Speaker 1: just like your miles ahead. It took me. It took
Speaker 1: me decades to learn that. This whole time, truthfully, I
Speaker 1: thought to myself, this is probably the first time I've
Speaker 1: ever had I noticed this in depth and lengthy type
Speaker 1: of conversation with you, Tori, Like we've never so everything
Speaker 1: has been fairly surface level, surface level, superficial. It is
Speaker 1: what it is worth. That it is. That that's what
Speaker 1: it is. But I have been sitting standing here thinking
Speaker 1: to myself, like Tory is amazing, and now I'm like,
Speaker 1: I need to find somebody for her because she's amazing.
Speaker 1: Like I I like have found myself being like this
Speaker 1: is the type of person you would want your best
Speaker 1: guy friend to end up with, given all the things
Speaker 1: that I mean that I really do. So now I'm like,
Speaker 1: wheels are spending up like who I've worked with, who
Speaker 1: would be perfective? And all the things she wants, like
Speaker 1: who's not going to take her to master? I was
Speaker 1: like all these, but honestly I'm blown away by everything
Speaker 1: you said, and like to his point, how mature and
Speaker 1: just dynamic you are from just this conversation. So credit
Speaker 1: to you. Thank you. I'm going to send that clip
Speaker 1: to my mom and say, Mom, I'm emotually available. No,
Speaker 1: I really appreciate that. Um Tory, I'd like to ask
Speaker 1: you one And this is a hard question, but it's
Speaker 1: a real question, and it's I'm asking I'm asking you
Speaker 1: this question because I love you and I care about you.
Speaker 1: What is your biggest fear about opening up to somebody
Speaker 1: you truthfully in your heart? What is your biggest fear? Well,
Speaker 1: I think for me, I'm the youngest. I have three
Speaker 1: older siblings. Um, I always call myself like the like
Speaker 1: the car seat bay be so like my whole life
Speaker 1: I've been I've been the one people express their emotions
Speaker 1: like emotions too, but no one has ever really tended
Speaker 1: to ask me like hey, are you doing okay? Or
Speaker 1: like what do you want to do? So I and
Speaker 1: I don't resent anything, like I haven't amazed my parents
Speaker 1: are married, like everything's healthy. But it's just like I've realized,
Speaker 1: like now I'm just used to being that person where
Speaker 1: like the idea of being like hey, how are you
Speaker 1: and me giving an honest answer is like genuinely really
Speaker 1: hard for me. So I think my biggest fear is
Speaker 1: like getting into a relationship and being like I can't
Speaker 1: escape or like give you shallow answers, because like that's
Speaker 1: not how a relationship works. So having to like have
Speaker 1: somebody fully entern and do life with me is like
Speaker 1: a huge jump off the cliff that I would have
Speaker 1: to take with that person two that I've never done
Speaker 1: honestly with like anyone. And then I have a fear
Speaker 1: that like as soon as people get close to me,
Speaker 1: like they just want to leave. So it's like and
Speaker 1: I think that might come from me moving at a
Speaker 1: young age, like that was so scarring because I came
Speaker 1: from a small town and like moving to Orange County
Speaker 1: and then like not feeling enough or or being good enough,
Speaker 1: you know, and in like l A you have like
Speaker 1: Instagram models and YadA YadA YadA. Like there's just there's
Speaker 1: a fear of like being fully vulnerable and like having
Speaker 1: someone have to like almost deal with me scares me.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. One, I just want to say thank you
Speaker 1: for sharing um, because that's part of it right there.
Speaker 1: You opened up to me, You open up and ship
Speaker 1: to me. And and the fact that you one are
Speaker 1: aware of your biggest fears and two are willing to
Speaker 1: share them, that's a wonderful blessing. That's the first step
Speaker 1: in the right direction. UM. I'd be interested to unpacked
Speaker 1: We don't have to do it today, but like be
Speaker 1: interested to unpack any of that childhood stuff that you referenced,
Speaker 1: any of the family stuff that you rest with your
Speaker 1: reference because I think of shapes us. You know, it's shapes.
Speaker 1: It shapes our perspective of the world. It shapes how
Speaker 1: we we think people perceive us. Its shapes aspects in
Speaker 1: our life. UM. And so it'd be interesting to dive
Speaker 1: into that stuff further. But I acknowledge you for sharing that.
Speaker 1: And it's very true what you said is, Um, you
Speaker 1: will truthfully, to be honest with you, you will be challenged,
Speaker 1: because I have fallen in love truthfully in my life.
Speaker 1: You will be challenged to step off a cliff that
Speaker 1: you are scared of, that that you that is uncomfortable
Speaker 1: to you, That is fearful. UM. And you also know
Speaker 1: that along that road that there's life isn't gonna be perfect.
Speaker 1: There's gonna be bumps and bruises and hurt in there. Um,
Speaker 1: that is going to come there. I don't believe that
Speaker 1: there's ever been a relationship where where both partners have
Speaker 1: never been hurt by the other. We're not perfect beings,
Speaker 1: right as much as we want to be, we're not
Speaker 1: perfect beings. And our actions will sometimes unintentionally or intentionally
Speaker 1: hurt the person we love. That's just truth, um. And
Speaker 1: so you will have to have the courage at some
Speaker 1: point in your life to take that step, to maybe
Speaker 1: even blindly take that step, um, and somebody will have
Speaker 1: to have the same courage with you. But the the
Speaker 1: alternative is you never take that step. You always wonder
Speaker 1: what that step would be like, and you live alone
Speaker 1: and lonely. So so what is the greater fear? Then?
Speaker 1: My fear was like, Wow, if I don't if I
Speaker 1: don't commit some time and open up my heart and
Speaker 1: really like get out of being just a hoggy soldier,
Speaker 1: like I'm going to live an unfulfilled and and love
Speaker 1: of the list life, you know, like I my my
Speaker 1: greatest I've said this on the podcast a million times
Speaker 1: for listeners of my greatest joy and desire in life
Speaker 1: is to be a loving husband, loving father and friend.
Speaker 1: Those are the great fulfillments and joys I could ever
Speaker 1: imagine in my life. But my daily actions weren't congruent
Speaker 1: with that. My daily actions were all about hockey, all
Speaker 1: about sport, all about commitment, zero about personal. So I
Speaker 1: had to learn and adjust that, and then I had
Speaker 1: to take a step in that direction and really bring
Speaker 1: that to the forefront. That was my compass point then
Speaker 1: in my life. Um, and it's scary, trust me, it's scary.
Speaker 1: But the fact that you're aware of it, you can
Speaker 1: start inching towards that cliff. You know, the fact that
Speaker 1: you're reading, you can inch towards it. The people you meet.
Speaker 1: I even changed my language, even when you ask you
Speaker 1: meet somebody, I even changed my language said saying, hey,
Speaker 1: how are you that's such a general vanilla question. I
Speaker 1: even ask people like how's your heart? That's a different
Speaker 1: like is your heart happy? And then you'll see people
Speaker 1: react in a different way. And now and now you're
Speaker 1: penetrating your your intent is actually I'm I'm diving into
Speaker 1: this person's journey. I'm getting to know this person, and
Speaker 1: that's me diving into them. And I hope they recognize that,
Speaker 1: you know, Um, so I changed the language that I
Speaker 1: used because I wanted the intent with this connection to
Speaker 1: be different than just hey, how are you today? I'm good?
Speaker 1: How are you? Standard answer? Nothing changes, right, but hey, Tori,
Speaker 1: how's your heart? Is your heart happy today? Yeah? No?
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. I wish we were in the sam having
Speaker 1: this discussion. I wish we were doing because you know,
Speaker 1: I'm such a Tory fan. I love you dearly um,
Speaker 1: And I'm thinking I'm racking my brain the same to
Speaker 1: think I had somebody. Both guys were married, and I'm
Speaker 1: trying to wrap my brain of like who do I
Speaker 1: know that I would that I would respect enough to
Speaker 1: set them up on a date with you? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: know it's no for sure, And like that has been
Speaker 1: something that I've kind of started to take the step
Speaker 1: forward more in is like asking people like, hey, if
Speaker 1: you know of anyone like I genuinely want to push
Speaker 1: myself more. And again it's just like in quarantine. So
Speaker 1: it's like that's also really hard because I'm not able
Speaker 1: to go to the bars and like meet someone and
Speaker 1: at least like have a quick drink with some random
Speaker 1: person at the bar who buys you drink. You know what,
Speaker 1: I mean, like there's not even that interaction. So now
Speaker 1: like how to really like voice, hey, like I do
Speaker 1: desire this, and like do you know of anyone that
Speaker 1: like would be interested? And like I mean, which is
Speaker 1: also really hard for me because I just am not
Speaker 1: someone who admits to that. Also, someone being like, hey,
Speaker 1: like I am lonely, Like that is showing an emotion
Speaker 1: that I feel like shaman, because I don't think you
Speaker 1: should feel lonely just because you're not with someone. Um,
Speaker 1: But again, that's okay, only right, It's okay. It's okay
Speaker 1: to say you feel lonely, like to yearn for a
Speaker 1: stronger connection, that's okay. I think that's healthy to acknowledge
Speaker 1: it versus deny it and say no, I'm fine, totally
Speaker 1: totally and again into something that like I have to
Speaker 1: process through and like why do I feel shame if
Speaker 1: I'm If I'm genuinely lonely, you know, and it's all deeper.
Speaker 1: But that's definitely something that like I've been taking a
Speaker 1: step forward into of just being like, okay, like ask
Speaker 1: people for help because I'm not totally Sometimes that person
Speaker 1: who could be like, hey, can you help me find someone?
Speaker 1: Have you done any like Zoom or FaceTime dating during No,
Speaker 1: I'm not on any dating apps, which you know, I
Speaker 1: just like genuinely don't really want to be on a
Speaker 1: dating app. But I have thought of, like maybe it's
Speaker 1: smart for me just to go on and like push
Speaker 1: myself to meet people and like see what's out there.
Speaker 1: But I don't know. I'm a huge advocate of dating
Speaker 1: apps to my friends, like I'm lonely, I'm like, let's
Speaker 1: let's set you up a hinge, let's get a bumble going,
Speaker 1: let's do it. But when it comes to me, I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: So I don't know. Maybe I'll challenge you in that direction,
Speaker 1: and you and I next time we get see each other,
Speaker 1: we'll set you up or we'll just even FaceTime. But
Speaker 1: I think, like I think, like right now, if you
Speaker 1: can't or if you aren't able to go on dates,
Speaker 1: I mean you could meet out for a walk or
Speaker 1: something and stay six ft apart so you at least
Speaker 1: see somebody, um, But also like I think a FaceTime
Speaker 1: or a Zoom call, like hey, would you mind spending
Speaker 1: twenty minutes with me? And like I'd love to jump
Speaker 1: just share some energy and just see if we vibe
Speaker 1: and we chat whatever, And um, I think that would
Speaker 1: be super fun. Yeah, No, definitely, No, definitely, And I
Speaker 1: do agree. It's just like the fact that half the
Speaker 1: world is indoors is like a challenge that we've never
Speaker 1: faced before. So just trying to that and being my
Speaker 1: mid twenties, I get that. But I do appreciate everyone.
Speaker 1: You know, I think it's good for me to hear
Speaker 1: where men's perspect device and hearing like intimidation and all
Speaker 1: these things, because I think that a lot of women
Speaker 1: hit their mid twenties or thirties of being told a
Speaker 1: million things. So I appreciate you guys giving very honest
Speaker 1: answers on like what it means to be intimidating or
Speaker 1: you know, the whole date scenario, and so thank you
Speaker 1: for Yeah, and I would you're a very You're an
Speaker 1: incredibly successful young woman. Never ever ever ever feel bad
Speaker 1: for that. Never ever make a man, or let it
Speaker 1: not make a man or have a man, um make
Speaker 1: you feel guilty or anything for that. You've earned all
Speaker 1: of your success and you have amazing career and potential
Speaker 1: ahead of you. Um, and I would say that for
Speaker 1: every woman. I'd say that for every man to no
Speaker 1: man should ever make to feel bad about his success
Speaker 1: from a woman. You've earned everything you've got, and I
Speaker 1: think for the right person for you, that drive, As
Speaker 1: Ryan said, that drive is attractive, That drive is a pole.
Speaker 1: Maybe some men want something get friend. Maybe some men
Speaker 1: just want like a stay at home wife or something
Speaker 1: to each their own right. Everybody can have their own preferences.
Speaker 1: But you are extremely um successful, extremely attractive, um, you
Speaker 1: have an extremely beautiful heart. I am dying to set
Speaker 1: you up. And I always loved, always loved to see you.
Speaker 1: Every time I see you, I just like you have
Speaker 1: the biggest smile in the room, and he and I
Speaker 1: like so any any How, men think listeners, any guys
Speaker 1: out there that are interested in the date with Tori
Speaker 1: on a virtual date? Send me a message on my
Speaker 1: Instagram and or how men think group on Instagram a
Speaker 1: message Tori, would you be open to a virtual date
Speaker 1: from a member of our community? Listen? I hear every
Speaker 1: romance starts with a good DM. What would you be
Speaker 1: open if I shared it on my social Really, I'm
Speaker 1: here push myself. That's it's every girl in their mid twenties.
Speaker 1: We all need to start reading our d ms. We
Speaker 1: need to be more open. I'm open, Tori. I love this.
Speaker 1: I would I would guess that you were gonna say, no,
Speaker 1: I'm not open for that. Um, okay, can you text
Speaker 1: me a photo that you really love? God? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: will just share. I will just share you as an
Speaker 1: individual to my community in my world, and and we'll
Speaker 1: go fishing. Let's go fishing. I love it. I love
Speaker 1: your openness. Though. I'll say that you're way more open
Speaker 1: than I was at that age. You know, desperate times, Brooks,
Speaker 1: desperate times. No, I'm excited for you. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I even just excited I get to witness and be
Speaker 1: part of your journey. Um. And yeah, and I just
Speaker 1: think like it's also as a guy, like when I'm
Speaker 1: racking my brain of people that I would love or
Speaker 1: that I first off know that are single. Um, it's
Speaker 1: also like you are such a person of integrity and
Speaker 1: moral fabric and I respect you so much. I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: not that guy, this guy. No, Like No, it's hard.
Speaker 1: It's tough when you start eliminating things like even high
Speaker 1: and like, okay, there goes half the population. Then like
Speaker 1: my faith means a lot to me, there goes another half,
Speaker 1: Like it does make things very difficult. But it's something
Speaker 1: like there are some things that I just can't compromise on.
Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, I get it for sure. Never settle,
Speaker 1: never settled. So Tori, you will get me a photo
Speaker 1: that you or a carousel even multiples, or we can
Speaker 1: take of photos that you're really proud of and that
Speaker 1: you really like and I will share it with my
Speaker 1: community and any man in my community. Um, are you
Speaker 1: looking for a man? Let's just clarify that. Okay, look
Speaker 1: for a man. So any man in Mike Unity that
Speaker 1: that would like to get to know you further may
Speaker 1: be interested in call or a FaceTime call. Um, please
Speaker 1: reach out to me on my Instagram. Also, I'll say this,
Speaker 1: I have a friend who is now married, UM that
Speaker 1: to a girl and they met at one of my barbecues.
Speaker 1: Um when I was living back home in Regina and
Speaker 1: Saskatchewan in the summer in the off season, I used
Speaker 1: to have these like kind of community barbecues and invite friends, Hey,
Speaker 1: come over on Saturday, We're gonna barbecue. Just welcome everybody.
Speaker 1: And two people met one of my barbecues and got married.
Speaker 1: And it's one of my proudest things that I was
Speaker 1: able to bring people together and it feels so good.
Speaker 1: People found their life partners from that. So if I
Speaker 1: can in any way, I always try and open my
Speaker 1: home and open my heart and open my community to
Speaker 1: make anything happen. And Tori, you mean so much to me.
Speaker 1: I'd love to do this for you and with you
Speaker 1: so UM. From one thirst trap to the next set
Speaker 1: up date, blind dates, here we go. We're just helping
Speaker 1: each other out. Are you gonna go a first trap photo? Well, Tory,
Speaker 1: I want to commend you. I just want to say
Speaker 1: thank you, um for for opening your heart, for taking
Speaker 1: that step forward for because this is a this is
Speaker 1: a vulnerable discussion, this is real, These are your emotions,
Speaker 1: this is your life. You know where you invest your heart,
Speaker 1: you invest your life, and you've opened that to us today.
Speaker 1: And I think many of our listeners can hear themselves
Speaker 1: and see themselves in your story. UM, for our listeners,
Speaker 1: for our male listeners that have been intrigued by this
Speaker 1: right now, where could they reach out to you directly,
Speaker 1: young lady? I guess my instagram. UM, my middle name
Speaker 1: is Bell, so tour Bell t O R R B
Speaker 1: E L l E beautiful Okay Tour bell and you're
Speaker 1: about to be Also, I'm gonna put it out on
Speaker 1: my Instagram. Um, so when you see that, come out,
Speaker 1: and then I'll just forward you. I'll go through. I'll
Speaker 1: be called through like punk punk, punk punk. This guy's
Speaker 1: a good one, So I'll call through and I'll send
Speaker 1: you the best. Well, I think we'll have to do
Speaker 1: a follow up to this show. Well hopefully the follow
Speaker 1: up will have good responses. You never know, this girl
Speaker 1: might be crying or we might be happy. Hey, following up. Um, sorry,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Thank you to everybody that's listened
Speaker 1: and shared in Tori's story and in our story to
Speaker 1: our community. Also, I want to thank all of our
Speaker 1: listeners that reached out to me yesterday on my birthday
Speaker 1: and sent me beautiful warm birthday wishes. So I had
Speaker 1: so many people say I love the podcast. I've got
Speaker 1: to know and you know you through the podcast listen
Speaker 1: every week. So I just want to say thank you
Speaker 1: to everybody. Tory any last words for just thanks for
Speaker 1: the honesty and keep bringing it because this actually, really
Speaker 1: I hope helped a lot of the mid twenties that
Speaker 1: are just struggling right now. Okay, see okay, life's and journey,
Speaker 1: lifes of dance. We're about to find out. Tor Bell
Speaker 1: in your way, everybody. Thanks for working again today until
Speaker 1: next week. Take care of one another, love one another,
Speaker 1: and send Tory Bell ds