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Speaker 1: This is How Men Think with brooks Like and Gavin

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Speaker 1: to Grab and I heard radio podcast. Welcome to another

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Speaker 1: episode of How Men Think. My name is brooks Like

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Speaker 1: and I am here with my gracious and ever so

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Speaker 1: dashing co host today. What's up, buddy? Not much? I

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Speaker 1: am the good sir of the day. How are you

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Speaker 1: happy belated birthday? And most importantly, tell us how old

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Speaker 1: are you? I am now thirty seven, thirty seven years young.

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Speaker 1: We are at the same age, We're the same age.

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Speaker 1: You're born in eighty three? Are you thirty seven now?

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Speaker 1: Or are you thirty six? Still seven now? Oh? So

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Speaker 1: you're old? You're older than I am. Yeah, that's you

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Speaker 1: can tell by my maturity. Yeah, clearly I can crate

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Speaker 1: by the way I do feel. Um one, I do

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Speaker 1: feel that you stepped up to this opportunity to have

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Speaker 1: co hosting duties today because you are in a beautiful

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Speaker 1: blue collared shirt with a fresh new haircut, slicked back,

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Speaker 1: looking clean, clean shaven. We also have producer Tori with us. Tori,

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Speaker 1: doesn't he look clean? I was gonna ask, uh, what

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Speaker 1: was the experience like getting your hair cut? Did you

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Speaker 1: go into a salon? Did you have to wear a mask.

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Speaker 1: The salon I go to typically is still closed. Um

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Speaker 1: so my woman, Terry came to my house, so we

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Speaker 1: did it in the garage. We both wore masks, and yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was it was a necessary thing. I looked like,

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Speaker 1: not good. You look very professional right now, and I

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Speaker 1: want to I want to challenge one thing. I should

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Speaker 1: go a mohawk on your next cut. I will take

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Speaker 1: that into consideration and get back to you. Come on,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna Tori. I'm gonna pressure all of the dudes

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Speaker 1: on how men think to unite under a mohawk. A

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Speaker 1: common mohawk for good is what we'll call it. I think.

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Speaker 1: Since we're going to be delving a little bit deeper

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Speaker 1: into Tories dating life, let me ask you this, would

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Speaker 1: you be into a guy with the mohawk? But I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I've never dated anyone with the mohawk. And

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Speaker 1: I don't mind Brooks. I mean, he's got some volume

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Speaker 1: on his right now. Right I just worked out, so

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Speaker 1: it's kind of like all over the place. But just wait, Tory.

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Speaker 1: In like a week, I have a friend of mine,

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Speaker 1: Jill Bach, who's like the best Jill Is. I love you, Jill,

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Speaker 1: you are the best stylisted l A. She always just

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Speaker 1: I just go to Jill and she just cuts my

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Speaker 1: hair however she wants. I just have full faith in her.

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Speaker 1: She's going to do some gnarly kind of lines in it.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna do something real funky with this mohawk and

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Speaker 1: just amplify it and turn it up a bit. See. See,

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Speaker 1: it's not a deal breaker for me. I kind of

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Speaker 1: like it now. It's like, I know it's your form

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Speaker 1: of expression right now. You're like, I'm here to mix

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Speaker 1: things up, let's make it fun. It shows you have

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Speaker 1: a good personality. Um, but what about you that deal breaker?

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Speaker 1: Did you think for women? No, I think it. I

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Speaker 1: think if it suits your personality, fine, I don't think

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Speaker 1: I consider myself a mohawk guy. It's just not who

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Speaker 1: I am. So nothing I get to mohawx is just

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Speaker 1: not my style. He looked he's a little bit more preppy,

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Speaker 1: like you know, the Nanton Red's and an Oxford, not

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Speaker 1: the mohax. You know, he's very you have a very

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Speaker 1: polished and professional look, Ryan. Well, I thought I had

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Speaker 1: to step up the game after the tank top I

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Speaker 1: wore on the one year anniversary episode. Did you get

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Speaker 1: some blowback from the Ryano Dowt fan club, where the

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Speaker 1: team Ryan Loyalists came out in full forced to support

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Speaker 1: the look as I would have expected they would, and

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Speaker 1: it was just you guys who were very mean to me.

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Speaker 1: And it it hurts, but luckily my support base rallied

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Speaker 1: and here I am today. I'm glad you're here, buddy,

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Speaker 1: Glad you made it. And I'm also super excited about

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Speaker 1: today's show because producer Tori, who is one of the

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Speaker 1: loveliest and kindest souls I've ever met and enjoy to

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Speaker 1: work with every single day on this podcast. I've always

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Speaker 1: said that our team is one of the best parts

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Speaker 1: of doing this podcast. Producer Tori is finally willing to

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Speaker 1: open up about her dating life, her personal life, and

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Speaker 1: she's notoriously said she hasn't been looking for somebody, but

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Speaker 1: now you feel that you are ready and have the

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Speaker 1: composure or capacity to bring somebody into your life, or

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Speaker 1: you're willing to bring somebody into your life. Is that correct, Tory? Yes,

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Speaker 1: I have been someone since honestly I was born that

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Speaker 1: I have almost kind of take pride in the fact

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Speaker 1: that I've never desired to really like date someone do

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Speaker 1: I enjoy dating, Yes, but I haven't been like I

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Speaker 1: need have companionship. And now I'm in this radition and

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Speaker 1: I am like, holy, okay, quarantine, Okay, So let's get

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Speaker 1: into this. So, so we're gonna walk you through Tori's story.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna dive into tori story, and the whole purpose

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Speaker 1: of this podcast today, Tori, is to just Ryan and

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Speaker 1: I are ears for you. We want to hear your

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Speaker 1: story and offer any insight from a man's mind or

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Speaker 1: a man's perspective, and for our listeners, you might see

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Speaker 1: your story through Tori. Um. So, Tori, can you give us,

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Speaker 1: like give us and give our listeners a little background

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Speaker 1: on if you're okay with this? How old you are,

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Speaker 1: where you come from, and how you when you move

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Speaker 1: to l a Yeah. So, um, I'm originally from a

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Speaker 1: small town called Grass Valley where people literally have babies

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Speaker 1: at sixteen, and it's in California. It's just like right

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Speaker 1: outside of Lake Tahoe area. And then I moved when

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Speaker 1: I was eighteen to Orange County because my it was

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Speaker 1: a job shift for my parents. And then I ended

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Speaker 1: up in l A. Um from college and crazy, and

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Speaker 1: I haven't really realized this until honestly a couple of

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Speaker 1: weeks ago that I'm now in my mid twenties, so

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Speaker 1: I'm twenty five, and it's been a little bit of

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Speaker 1: like a quarter life crisis. A quarter life crisis, can

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Speaker 1: you be more specific in in which way? Um? I

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Speaker 1: think Quarantine has definitely brought to light the fact that

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Speaker 1: like companionship uh is really important because for me, like

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm a huge extrovert, so I can hang out

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Speaker 1: with my friends and have my quote unquote love tanks filled.

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Speaker 1: But now even my friends, um, and even like older

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Speaker 1: parents or family friends or even my cousins, like everyone's

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Speaker 1: separated and quarantined away that I'm now realizing how nice

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Speaker 1: it really would be to have someone in my life

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Speaker 1: in that way. So I would say the quarter life

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Speaker 1: crisis kind of hit now in Quarantine. So let me

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Speaker 1: ask you this story. Did you what was your dating

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Speaker 1: life like pre COVID and were you finding companionship pre

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Speaker 1: COVID or in that that contrast now being disconnected from

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Speaker 1: those types of people has exacerbated it. Or were you

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Speaker 1: always for the past couple of years kind of not

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Speaker 1: seeking companionship? Well, I'm someone it sounds funny because I'm

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Speaker 1: not someone who's like a lonely person, because again, I

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Speaker 1: do find companions I think companionship looks deeper than just

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Speaker 1: having someone in your life, Like it's your family, it's

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Speaker 1: your support systems, it's your community and so forth. So

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Speaker 1: having that all stripped away has definitely emphasized this. But

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Speaker 1: at the same time, like up before quarantine, you know,

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Speaker 1: you're I have a very active job, so I'm able

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Speaker 1: to go to events and like flirt with people or

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Speaker 1: have people be like, hey, like can I take you

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Speaker 1: on a date? And You're like sure, and like you

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Speaker 1: might go on a date knowing like you're not totally interested,

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Speaker 1: but you're still dating and like meeting people. And I

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Speaker 1: was talking to one guy specifically up until about January February.

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Speaker 1: Um and I kind of which I'm kind of jumping

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Speaker 1: forward a lot, but um, I like work a lot,

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Speaker 1: So for me, I was putting my work first before

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Speaker 1: that relationship. UM, and I use relationship loosely because like

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Speaker 1: we weren't anything official, but we were definitely talking for

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Speaker 1: about like seven to eight months and then UM yeah,

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Speaker 1: So then I put my work first and then that

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Speaker 1: kind of just fizzled out. And then in quarantine, I

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Speaker 1: was like, dang it, Like why do I constantly put

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Speaker 1: other things before reip. So that's a question I have,

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Speaker 1: and I also want to preface it with this, is

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Speaker 1: that that's completely okay for you to prioritize your work

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Speaker 1: if that is what is priority in your life. And

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Speaker 1: I say that from personal experience from the age of

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Speaker 1: like fifteen un till like thirty when I was like

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Speaker 1: pursuing making the NHL and then the first ten years

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Speaker 1: playing in the NHL, undoubtedly my training and my sport

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Speaker 1: and my career came first in my life. They were priority.

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Speaker 1: I was very selfish that way. I will say that

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Speaker 1: I was very selfish that way, but it was what

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Speaker 1: I needed to do for me at that time in

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Speaker 1: my life. I knew another stage of life would come

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Speaker 1: at a certain time, but I needed to express myself

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Speaker 1: fully and get every ounce of potential out of my

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Speaker 1: athletic career that I could. And so in that stage

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Speaker 1: of life, I was completely fine with it. I was

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Speaker 1: lonely and alone for a lot of it, but I

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Speaker 1: accepted that that that was my choice. That wasn't something

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Speaker 1: that anybody else put on me. So that being said,

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Speaker 1: it's okay if you want to prioritize work and career

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Speaker 1: in your life at this stage of your life. If

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Speaker 1: that's what you want, the question is is that what

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Speaker 1: you want? Or was it what you wanted in that

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Speaker 1: stage and now you're just starting to see a little

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Speaker 1: shift in the priorities in your life. Is that what's happening? Um?

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Speaker 1: I don't know, it's it's it's hard to explain because

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Speaker 1: we're living in a situation that no one could have

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Speaker 1: ever predicted. So I don't know if it's a shift.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if it's just loneliness that I'm feeling.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if it's like I'm just looking to

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Speaker 1: change up something in my life because I don't have

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Speaker 1: control over anything else. So I'm like trying to evaluate

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Speaker 1: all of that as we kind of go through this

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Speaker 1: kind of a thing. I have a question, uh, and

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Speaker 1: I want to get into that Tory think. But Brooks,

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Speaker 1: something you said just begs a question for me, which is,

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Speaker 1: so did you feel like in those how many years

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Speaker 1: were you in a job? You said over ten thirteen

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Speaker 1: seasons and then we had two lockouts, so fifteen years professional? Okay,

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Speaker 1: But so you you mentioned you were alone for the

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Speaker 1: majority of those years, did you. Was that the case

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Speaker 1: because you made a concerted effort to say, Okay, like,

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Speaker 1: it's a zero sum game. If I'm dating somebody or

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Speaker 1: romantically involved as anybody, it will then be taking me

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Speaker 1: away from my focus on the game and and my

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Speaker 1: job as an athlete, and therefore I won't be the

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Speaker 1: best hockey player I can be. So I need to

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Speaker 1: just like, there there will be a time when I

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Speaker 1: can go hook up with women, but now I just

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Speaker 1: have to just focus only on hockey. Like, was that

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Speaker 1: the mindset? Yeah, that was my mindset, truly, that was

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Speaker 1: full transparency. That was my mindset. Was I wanted to

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Speaker 1: pour every ounce of intensity and energy, um and time

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Speaker 1: everything I could into dedicating myself to become as good

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Speaker 1: at my craft as I could, to reach as high

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Speaker 1: a level as possible in my craft as I could.

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Speaker 1: And that was my decision. That wasn't put on me

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Speaker 1: by parents, siblings, friends, anybody else. That was my decision.

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Speaker 1: And so I purposefully just kind of pushed a personal

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Speaker 1: life and a romantic relationship to the back burner. Um,

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Speaker 1: if I came across somebody year found somebody I was

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Speaker 1: intrigued in I would engage as much as I could. Um.

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Speaker 1: That didn't happen for the most part um, And so

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Speaker 1: all of my pretty much every decision in the course

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Speaker 1: of my day was based around what's going to allow

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Speaker 1: me to perform the best? What am I eating? How

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Speaker 1: am I resting? How my training? What time is the game?

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Speaker 1: How am I pre scouting the next game? You know?

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Speaker 1: How can I be so prepared to execute at the

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Speaker 1: highest possible level? Um? And so I did it, ran fully,

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Speaker 1: I pushed, I pushed personal life to the side for many, many,

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Speaker 1: many years. And then it got to a point where

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Speaker 1: maybe this is what Tories going through. Was around thirty

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Speaker 1: years old. Almost when I hit thirty, where I was like,

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Speaker 1: I could have the best night at the rink. I

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Speaker 1: could score a couple of goals, be first star, be

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Speaker 1: toasted for in front of eighteen thousand people. But I'd

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Speaker 1: come home and the lights were off, the house was cold,

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Speaker 1: there wasn't another heartbeat in the house, and I had

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Speaker 1: nobody to share that success with. And I was like, ultimately,

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Speaker 1: I was unfulfilled in my life life. And that's when

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Speaker 1: I started to turn for me that wow, life is

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Speaker 1: more than what I do. It's more than my career.

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Speaker 1: It's about living a fulfilled and happy life and the

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Speaker 1: ability to express love and to receive love. And so

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Speaker 1: then I really made a conscious shift on how do

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Speaker 1: I want to lead my life? What do I want

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Speaker 1: to prioritize in my life? And now family, friends and

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Speaker 1: connection is at the priority of my life. I still

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Speaker 1: have massive career aspirations, but those are secondary to a

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Speaker 1: fulfilling life full of love and laughter. Is that in retrospect?

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Speaker 1: Would you have done it if you could do it

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Speaker 1: all again, would you do an anchor for life? No?

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Speaker 1: But now I'm at total peace with with all of it,

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Speaker 1: with the amount of energy that I poured into it,

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Speaker 1: I feel like I got every ounce of potential out

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Speaker 1: of myself. I feel like I had the best career.

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Speaker 1: I have no regrets about decisions I made in my

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Speaker 1: career because I know I poured my entire heart into it,

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Speaker 1: and so at peace with that stage of life now,

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Speaker 1: which is really allowing me to enjoy fully this stage.

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Speaker 1: Did you arrive at that decision part because you saw

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Speaker 1: other teammates that were like you know, they came in,

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Speaker 1: they put our time on the rank, and then they

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Speaker 1: couldn't wait to go out to the clubs and hook

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Speaker 1: up with girls, and you know, you just you saw

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Speaker 1: how that made them less. They didn't realize their potential

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Speaker 1: as a result, So you didn't want to go down

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Speaker 1: that path. No, that had nothing to do with it. No,

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Speaker 1: my realizing my potential was just my journey from the

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Speaker 1: as a child. It was my dream to become the

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Speaker 1: best hockey player I could. That had nothing to do

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Speaker 1: with it. But it was really cool to see people

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Speaker 1: that I knew dedicated their their hearts to the game

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Speaker 1: and then go into the family lounge afterwards and pick

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Speaker 1: up their daughter, pick up their son and just play

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Speaker 1: with them and have their eyes light up in a

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Speaker 1: way that I had never seen like they I knew

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Speaker 1: that they poured their heart soul into the game, but

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Speaker 1: then when I really saw them around their families, You're like, Wow,

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Speaker 1: they are happier around their families than they are playing

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Speaker 1: this beautiful game that we're so lucky to play. And

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Speaker 1: that kind of like include me into two And it

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Speaker 1: just was when I got older. So Tori, maybe that's

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Speaker 1: the stage of life you're entering now where you're realizing, Hey,

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Speaker 1: work is great, I love my work life, but now

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Speaker 1: I have the capacity to bring in welcome in more

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Speaker 1: fulfillment and joy in my life totally. And I think

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Speaker 1: that kind of what Ryan said to also applies to

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Speaker 1: a non athlete, Like you start hitting your mid twenties,

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Speaker 1: where you see the people still going to the club

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Speaker 1: and like cooking up and or just doing the tender

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Speaker 1: dates or whatever, and then you also have the other

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Speaker 1: half who are like fully, I've had three of my

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Speaker 1: friends get engaged this year. Two of them are pregnant.

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Speaker 1: So I'm also seeing the like the other side of

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Speaker 1: it where it's like, Okay, well do I want that

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Speaker 1: or do I still want to live like the l

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Speaker 1: a I'm only in my mid twenties. But then it's

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Speaker 1: also the other side of I'm already in my mid twenties,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And so I'm seeing both sides,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, don't know which one I want because

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Speaker 1: I don't want to have a baby now, Like I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm literally eating celery and peanut butter for breakfast, Like

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Speaker 1: I'm not I'm equipped to like prepare a baby's meal,

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Speaker 1: you know. But at the same time, it's like, is

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Speaker 1: that something I need to be focusing more on is

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Speaker 1: like a future of that, Tori, I'm curious about this.

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Speaker 1: So you're does does this play into your into your

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Speaker 1: thought process? This idea of because my wife has a

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Speaker 1: friend who's thirty four, um who who basically is still single,

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Speaker 1: and she's like, she is now in this crisis mode

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Speaker 1: of she really wants to get married and have kids,

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Speaker 1: and she's saying, I'm thirty four, Like how long am

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Speaker 1: I going to have eggs that are fertile? Like? And

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Speaker 1: so like when am I going to Yeah? And so

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Speaker 1: she's like and we did the math and it was

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Speaker 1: actually really frightening. More like, Okay, if she met someone today,

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Speaker 1: then you're not going to get engaged for at least

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Speaker 1: a year probably for you to know that this is

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Speaker 1: definitely the guy you want to marry, and then your

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Speaker 1: engagement is going to be you know, X long before

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Speaker 1: the wedding can happen. And then you want to be

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Speaker 1: married for a period of time where you can enjoy

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Speaker 1: each other and not distract kids and everything where life

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Speaker 1: gets real quickly. And so you do this timeline and

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Speaker 1: it's like it's your it's like a five year plan

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Speaker 1: before you can even think about having kids. And yes,

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Speaker 1: you of course in a later stage of life can

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Speaker 1: fast track that. But the point is, um, then you

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Speaker 1: start just thinking like do I need to just settle

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Speaker 1: for anyone now just to ever have kids someday? And

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Speaker 1: that's not a good way to look at it. But

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Speaker 1: do you have you begun freaking yourself out at the timeline?

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Speaker 1: I mean, you have the luxury of volume being twenty five,

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Speaker 1: but still Ryan wants to know if I've become him

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Speaker 1: and become a warrior, and yeah, one how to sent

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Speaker 1: because for me also, like my whole family extended my grandparents,

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Speaker 1: they've all gotten married honestly straight out of college. So

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Speaker 1: and I have, um, I would say about sixty immediate

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Speaker 1: family sixty people in there, so I have, like, I

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Speaker 1: mean half of that is so it's like thirty cousins

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Speaker 1: who were married right out of college. And for me,

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Speaker 1: all my siblings met their person right out of college

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Speaker 1: and got married minus my brother, but he's also a man,

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Speaker 1: which is also annoying. They can get married way later

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Speaker 1: and have less stress on that, so he's kind of

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Speaker 1: the exception. But both my sisters found the person got

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Speaker 1: married out of college. My other sisters got pregnant at

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Speaker 1: twenty four, which is the same as my mom. So

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Speaker 1: it's like I don't know, like should I be there

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Speaker 1: because I don't want to be an old mom who

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Speaker 1: only has two kids. But at the same time, I

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Speaker 1: want to be able to focus on my job and

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Speaker 1: my career. But then it's so are It's just like

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Speaker 1: I just start spiraling a little bit because I just

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Speaker 1: don't know what the answer is because I know I

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Speaker 1: can't put pressure on it, and like, my body is

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Speaker 1: my body, and it's like all in God's timing if

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Speaker 1: you want to say it that way. But at the

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Speaker 1: same time, I have to be realistic and knowing that

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Speaker 1: like my eggs literally do start dying now, and like

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Speaker 1: thirty five, you risk having health issues and your kids.

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Speaker 1: So and then if I want to be dating for

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Speaker 1: like a couple of years, I essentially need to start now,

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Speaker 1: and then we'd want to have kids by you, And

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Speaker 1: then it's like you still want to have the honeymoon

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Speaker 1: phase even when you're married and not have kids. I'm

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Speaker 1: so glad to have another Worrior with me. Yeah, I'm

356
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:48,400
Speaker 1: out numbered here with two warriors. Your eggs frozen. Now,

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Speaker 1: I know, it's crazy, it's crazy I'm just asking a question.

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Speaker 1: It's not crazy. I don't think it's crazy at all.

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Speaker 1: You're young and healthy, Like, yeah, yeah, I mean, I

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Speaker 1: think that that's something that as crossed my mind just

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Speaker 1: because I am very career driven and I don't want

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Speaker 1: to be in a position where I've put my career

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Speaker 1: four in the forefront so much that I've missed out

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Speaker 1: on a lot of opportunities, which I think I'm kind

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Speaker 1: of feeling right now even though I'm only in my

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Speaker 1: mid twenties and iself a lot more that I'm excited about.

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Speaker 1: I think that I take a lot of pride and

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Speaker 1: joy and like my work, like that's what fulfills me.

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Speaker 1: But at the same time, like I don't want that

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Speaker 1: to be the only thing in my life because I

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Speaker 1: don't want to make that like an idol, because there's

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Speaker 1: so many things that could happen, you know, pandemic kids,

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Speaker 1: you could be furloughed, you could lose your job, something

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Speaker 1: could happen, and you know, things just don't work out.

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Speaker 1: So it has been something that I've thought about and

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Speaker 1: being like, hey, maybe when I'm like twenty eight, I

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Speaker 1: do it. Um Or you're just kind of almost like

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Speaker 1: you have those alliances, Like I literally an alliance with

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Speaker 1: a friend where we're like, okay, we're both single at

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Speaker 1: like forty or like thirty eight, let's just get married

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Speaker 1: and have babies, you know. Like So I just I

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Speaker 1: don't I don't know what the answer is for that

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Speaker 1: way yet, because also it is very expensive and there

384
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Speaker 1: are a lot of things to take an account for that,

385
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Speaker 1: just like health risks and YadA YadA, which will just

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Speaker 1: make me spile more ryan um. But it is something

387
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:14,960
Speaker 1: that I have thought about, not as seriously, but it

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Speaker 1: is something that I've thought about for my future. Tory,

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Speaker 1: I gotta I got a real important question for you,

390
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Speaker 1: and I call it truthfully, I call it my golden question.

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Speaker 1: Is what I asked myself, and it changes over time,

392
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Speaker 1: but this is what I asked myself, Like literally every

393
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Speaker 1: single day of my life, are my daily actions congruent

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Speaker 1: with my life goals? Say one more time, are my

395
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Speaker 1: daily actions congruent with my life goals? So by that,

396
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Speaker 1: I mean if I want to be a hockey player,

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Speaker 1: I can't be playing basketball every day. M hm. You

398
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Speaker 1: know what I mean. If I want to be a

399
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Speaker 1: family man, my heart's got to be there, not absent

400
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:04,199
Speaker 1: from birthdays and weddings and working all the time and

401
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:08,720
Speaker 1: gone building a career. So that's what I asked myself,

402
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:10,680
Speaker 1: is what are and then from there I work backwards

403
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:13,879
Speaker 1: what are my life goals? Truly like what kind of

404
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:16,120
Speaker 1: life do I want to lead? And then I work

405
00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:20,400
Speaker 1: backward from there, Am I are my daily actions congruent

406
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Speaker 1: with those life goals? Am I practicing that daily to

407
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Speaker 1: build that kind of a life. So when I when

408
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:31,080
Speaker 1: I ask you that question, are your are your daily

409
00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:35,719
Speaker 1: actions congruent with your life goals? It's sort of you

410
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:37,600
Speaker 1: have to go on a journey of okay, defining what

411
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:39,879
Speaker 1: are your life goals? And then looking back, are you

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Speaker 1: living a congruence with those? Yeah? Well, I think that

413
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Speaker 1: I just have a lot to sort through as well,

414
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Speaker 1: just like internally, because for me this is a huge step,

415
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Speaker 1: Like I think a lot of people in my situation,

416
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Speaker 1: especially my age, are now like shoot, especially if you

417
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:58,040
Speaker 1: live in a big city or you know you're you're

418
00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:00,119
Speaker 1: big at the dating apps, like everything was put on

419
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Speaker 1: pause and quarantine. So now you're having to just sit

420
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:06,080
Speaker 1: at home and basically figure out new things in your

421
00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:08,000
Speaker 1: life that you want to be working on and so

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Speaker 1: this is something that I'm like, Okay, I've realized, like

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Speaker 1: I do desire companionship, which I've never desired before, like never.

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Speaker 1: There's times I love dating and like I love meeting

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Speaker 1: new people and all stuff, but the idea of commitment,

426
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Speaker 1: I think has actually been like more of a fear

427
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Speaker 1: for me because I struggle with the idea. I think, like,

428
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:29,280
Speaker 1: once I'm evaluating all this, that I don't like to

429
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:32,720
Speaker 1: be out of control and knowing someone could have control

430
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,600
Speaker 1: over my emotions and feelings is like really scary to

431
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:38,240
Speaker 1: me because obviously there's like rejection that plays into that,

432
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:42,400
Speaker 1: or um, you know, having just be vulnerable where let's

433
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:45,760
Speaker 1: say two months from now or here from now, somebody's like, yeah,

434
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:48,040
Speaker 1: this isn't working out, then I have to you know,

435
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,359
Speaker 1: deal with that heartbreak and no one wants to feel that,

436
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:52,160
Speaker 1: you know, Like I remember feeling that in high school

437
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:54,119
Speaker 1: was probably the last time I've really felt heartbreak, and

438
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:56,880
Speaker 1: that was enough for me to probably now be realizing

439
00:23:56,880 --> 00:24:00,800
Speaker 1: I never really healed from that. MM. Can I want

440
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:04,840
Speaker 1: to touch on something that you just said there that

441
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:09,119
Speaker 1: really like struck a chord with me. So I believe

442
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,880
Speaker 1: someone can only have control you said, like, I don't

443
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:13,359
Speaker 1: know if I want to feel out of control with

444
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:18,040
Speaker 1: somebody having, you know, control over my heart or my emotions.

445
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:23,280
Speaker 1: Somebody only has that control if you give that to them.

446
00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:27,240
Speaker 1: I believe that individually in our lives, our happiness in

447
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:30,679
Speaker 1: our lives is entirely up to us. I believe that

448
00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:34,359
Speaker 1: somebody can massively amplify and add to your life, but

449
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:37,440
Speaker 1: I don't think that they can. They can only subtract

450
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:40,840
Speaker 1: from it if you give them the power to do that.

451
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:42,600
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean you won't feel hurt or that you

452
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,760
Speaker 1: won't feel sadness a little bit, but that that does

453
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,679
Speaker 1: not Someone will only have the power to make you

454
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:51,600
Speaker 1: happy or take happiness from you if you grant them

455
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:54,679
Speaker 1: that happiness or if you grant them that power. But

456
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:57,000
Speaker 1: also you have to think a lot of men's maturity.

457
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,520
Speaker 1: Is it totally like that, Like there is a lot

458
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,880
Speaker 1: of you know, I'm still am only twenty five, which

459
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,160
Speaker 1: let's be honest, and if I date somebody my age,

460
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:07,639
Speaker 1: you kind of subtract four years maturity wise, And so

461
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 1: you're dating like basically younger, and they're not going to

462
00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:15,600
Speaker 1: handle your heart or your emotions. And in the greater

463
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:17,600
Speaker 1: scheme of things. It's gonna be more like you live

464
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:19,160
Speaker 1: day to day and it doesn't work out what doesn't

465
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:24,360
Speaker 1: work out, And there's things said, um more unfiltered and

466
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:27,240
Speaker 1: like there there are guys who are gonna say things

467
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 1: that are gonna hurt you and like that can scar you.

468
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:34,200
Speaker 1: So do you typically of all the guys you dated

469
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,960
Speaker 1: in the past or they always the same age as you?

470
00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:42,280
Speaker 1: And if more recently dating somebody that's four years older

471
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 1: than You've given the ridiculous mathematical equation you just laid

472
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:50,720
Speaker 1: out for maturity levels. Listen, I think women can agree

473
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:52,840
Speaker 1: it's pretty spot on what I just said. For you

474
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:57,400
Speaker 1: gotta minus the four years. But I will say weirdly,

475
00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 1: all throughout college I dated at like either my age

476
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:06,040
Speaker 1: or a year younger, and then the last guy most

477
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,960
Speaker 1: recently dated was my age. But I also don't really

478
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,960
Speaker 1: have that total like older age group friends that could

479
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:13,479
Speaker 1: be like, oh, you should like date my thirty year

480
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:15,080
Speaker 1: old friend. You know, it's like i'd have to meet

481
00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:17,000
Speaker 1: that naturally, like at a bar or like on a

482
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:20,880
Speaker 1: dating app, which I'm not on dating apps, I've ryan

483
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:23,080
Speaker 1: have you ever heard of like you have to subtract

484
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 1: four years. I've never heard of that, No, I think,

485
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,600
Speaker 1: I mean, maybe it's because we're so mature, we can't.

486
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:34,160
Speaker 1: You don't hear these things. I have no idea. Very interesting.

487
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:38,320
Speaker 1: I've made a note of it. Okay, so it's interesting

488
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,280
Speaker 1: to hear. Tor. So let's say, if a guy is thirty,

489
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:45,960
Speaker 1: you kind of just put him as he's twenty six

490
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:50,040
Speaker 1: years in maturity? Yes? Is that kind of just a standard,

491
00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:54,200
Speaker 1: like an operating standard amongst women when talking about dating men.

492
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:58,240
Speaker 1: I mean, this is me strictly speaking this into existence,

493
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 1: But I when I talked to my other friends, we

494
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:03,480
Speaker 1: do come with a consensus like you have to subtract

495
00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:07,080
Speaker 1: around like two to four years. Okay. I I don't

496
00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:10,600
Speaker 1: disagree truthfully when I look and I'm speaking just of

497
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:14,760
Speaker 1: experience from myself, Like if you told me that about me,

498
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 1: I would probably be like, yeah, I get it. So bops,

499
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:22,119
Speaker 1: I think let's we should edit out the beginning of

500
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 1: the podcast. Happy thirty third birthday. I just turned thirty

501
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,720
Speaker 1: three yesterday. Okay, that feels good. I kind of like this.

502
00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:35,040
Speaker 1: You're real go see just here to please? Sorry, quick

503
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:39,440
Speaker 1: question for you, what what do you think you would

504
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 1: prefer in a partner do you have a And I

505
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:46,160
Speaker 1: asked this in kind of a lighthearted way, but um,

506
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:48,560
Speaker 1: because I believe when you meet somebody, your entire world

507
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 1: can change. And I don't believe in boxing boxing your

508
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:56,800
Speaker 1: vision in or your your opportunities into one sort of

509
00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:00,919
Speaker 1: frame or template. But ideally, as you sit today, as

510
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:03,800
Speaker 1: we're having this conversation today, what would be a real

511
00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:06,760
Speaker 1: good age of somebody that you would like to meet. Well,

512
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:11,000
Speaker 1: age isn't necessarily an issue for me. It's the I don't.

513
00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:13,480
Speaker 1: I mean, I've dated younger and i've dated older. I've

514
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:18,440
Speaker 1: dated until like I think he was like, okay, right,

515
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:21,600
Speaker 1: yeah that was my sugar daddy. I don't kind in

516
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:27,359
Speaker 1: his dating no what I was three year old. I

517
00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:30,919
Speaker 1: mean I thoroughly enjoyed it. Like your conversations do differ

518
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:34,879
Speaker 1: the older you get, Like we had conversations that I

519
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 1: have never had with someone like my age on a

520
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:42,320
Speaker 1: first date. Um, and like you know, it's great, Like

521
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:44,400
Speaker 1: I could tell you had like way more initiative, which

522
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:46,640
Speaker 1: I appreciate, like when we sat down for dinner. I

523
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:48,800
Speaker 1: don't know all girls like this, but on a first

524
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:52,239
Speaker 1: day I do enjoy um when like a man kind

525
00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:55,560
Speaker 1: of steps into orders for you like and not like

526
00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:57,520
Speaker 1: she'll take the steak. It's like, oh, like, do you

527
00:28:57,520 --> 00:28:59,640
Speaker 1: wanted to do like a bunch of appetizers, because that's me,

528
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:01,800
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily always know what I want. So he's like,

529
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 1: let's just get a bunch of like taste testers for

530
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:05,080
Speaker 1: the meals. So does order a bunch of things like

531
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:07,880
Speaker 1: you pick some, I'll pick some. And so I appreciated

532
00:29:07,920 --> 00:29:12,040
Speaker 1: that because which this will actually lead into um, what

533
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:13,640
Speaker 1: I did kind of want to get into as well

534
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 1: as I I have been reading a book called Why

535
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 1: Men Love Bitches and so basically, um, way, hold on,

536
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 1: let me pause so I can get up who it's

537
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:31,000
Speaker 1: by Sherry Yes, thank you by Sherry Yes argov um,

538
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:33,320
Speaker 1: And it's basically on like how to get a man.

539
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:35,840
Speaker 1: But all my friends are reading this and like right

540
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:38,440
Speaker 1: now it's like back ordered on Amazon. You have to

541
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:40,640
Speaker 1: get it. It's like forty bucks for this book, or

542
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:43,000
Speaker 1: you can get it on Kindle for maybe like fifteen

543
00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:46,280
Speaker 1: sixteen bucks. So it's like a hot commodity right now.

544
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:47,800
Speaker 1: So I thought, well, I'll just read it and see

545
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:50,800
Speaker 1: what's going on. So one of the pin points is

546
00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:55,280
Speaker 1: talking about um basically like the whole dinner aspect of it,

547
00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:59,440
Speaker 1: which I have questions for you guys on this. Um.

548
00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 1: I hate it when a man says, hey, let's go

549
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 1: to dinner. You picked the restaurant because for me, I

550
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:11,960
Speaker 1: don't know, like from if I'm dating someone who's like

551
00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:14,600
Speaker 1: forty three, he's probably a little bit more well established

552
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:17,600
Speaker 1: than a twenty five year old. But also like I

553
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:20,240
Speaker 1: think that men can sometimes like do like a subtle

554
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:22,680
Speaker 1: flex on a date of like where they want to

555
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:25,400
Speaker 1: take you, But when they put it in your court,

556
00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:28,040
Speaker 1: you don't want to sound like the bitch who's like, yeah,

557
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:31,480
Speaker 1: take me to you know, steakhouse or like or like

558
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:34,680
Speaker 1: STK whatever that is. Don't even know um or you

559
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:39,080
Speaker 1: know somewhere like West Hollywood. I don't know somewhere fancy.

560
00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:41,479
Speaker 1: I can even think of something. See, that's my problem

561
00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 1: is I don't even know. I don't even know restaurants.

562
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:45,800
Speaker 1: I eat at home. I love eating at home, and

563
00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:48,360
Speaker 1: so when it's time to go to a restaurant, I'm like, dang,

564
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:50,360
Speaker 1: I don't even know a restaurant to go to. Brooks

565
00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:52,680
Speaker 1: is like you know, I'm bigging in the super foods.

566
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:56,240
Speaker 1: I'll make you this kale keen was smoothie with avocado

567
00:30:56,320 --> 00:31:01,360
Speaker 1: ice cream, and then we'll work out. So I will

568
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 1: say this tory that I do agree with you that

569
00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 1: if a man asks you on a date, that he

570
00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:13,640
Speaker 1: should he should sort of lead. That just my opinion

571
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:16,120
Speaker 1: that like, I have a great place i'd love to

572
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:19,800
Speaker 1: take you, you know, and and have a mindset of

573
00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 1: where he wants to take you, or um or make

574
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:25,719
Speaker 1: it like a conversation like what is your favorite kind

575
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:27,600
Speaker 1: of food? Like I'd love to take somewhere of a

576
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:31,520
Speaker 1: food that you like? Um? Oh you like sushi? Okay? Um?

577
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 1: I know these couple of places. Have you been to

578
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:35,520
Speaker 1: these before? You haven't been to that one? Awesome, Let's

579
00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:37,960
Speaker 1: go to this one that would be fun? Um I

580
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:41,000
Speaker 1: don't That's how I would maybe go about it. But

581
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,400
Speaker 1: but like, do men actually want me to pick or

582
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:45,360
Speaker 1: would they want me to kind of be like the

583
00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:48,240
Speaker 1: nice girl who's like, oh my gosh, no, like you pick.

584
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:51,440
Speaker 1: I don't care where we go. I'm easy going because

585
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:55,200
Speaker 1: essentially I am. Or does he want the person who's like, yeah,

586
00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:58,600
Speaker 1: like take me to this nice restaurant, you know, take

587
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:01,240
Speaker 1: me to sugar fish, take to these places that you're

588
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:02,840
Speaker 1: going to have to drop some money on you know,

589
00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:06,600
Speaker 1: great sugarfish is so good. I think it is they

590
00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:13,320
Speaker 1: should be a sponsor. I think, Uh, Nozawa, are you listening? Uh?

591
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:18,200
Speaker 1: I think that posing the question is interesting to me

592
00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:21,680
Speaker 1: because if you're willing to answer it, it's going to

593
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:23,360
Speaker 1: tell it's going to give me a little bit more

594
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:26,120
Speaker 1: insight into who you are as a person. So if

595
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:29,520
Speaker 1: you're willing to say, yeah, let's go to Mastro's, the

596
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:33,680
Speaker 1: most expensive steakhouse and in the country, are you bel like,

597
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:40,160
Speaker 1: then I'm thinking like interesting? Like so she that's the

598
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:44,360
Speaker 1: type of girl she is. She wants things and like

599
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 1: and by by you saying that, I've now seen my future,

600
00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:51,360
Speaker 1: which is like you want the finest things all the time.

601
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:54,440
Speaker 1: Do I want to enter into that. I have my

602
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:57,800
Speaker 1: best friend who did exactly this and he's now married

603
00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 1: to her. But she she wanted to go to this

604
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:03,160
Speaker 1: crazy fancy restaurant and he felt obliged to do so

605
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:05,600
Speaker 1: because he was in there and they this is their

606
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:08,680
Speaker 1: first date. But I said, this is a red flag. Like,

607
00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:11,400
Speaker 1: so now the bar has been said this high. You

608
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 1: can never go fast, casual or go like middle of

609
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:20,080
Speaker 1: the road, because she's gonna want it's expensive five star

610
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:24,320
Speaker 1: meal every time, it's a problem. So then but then

611
00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:27,400
Speaker 1: do men also do this? Do men also then undercut

612
00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:29,920
Speaker 1: that first date and take him to like just kind

613
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:34,480
Speaker 1: of a middle of a road restaurant because they don't

614
00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:39,200
Speaker 1: want to backpedal from a high end one. I think,

615
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 1: what you what my thought process would be, take take

616
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:47,840
Speaker 1: you somewhere that is, I would do exactly what you said, Bruce.

617
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:49,120
Speaker 1: I'd say, like, do you like what do you like

618
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:52,480
Speaker 1: Italian sushi? Like you give me the the type of

619
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:55,000
Speaker 1: cuisines that are are interesting to you, and then I'll

620
00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:58,600
Speaker 1: know what the best places to take you within that

621
00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:01,760
Speaker 1: John Us. So if you say sushi, like I'm gonna

622
00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 1: take you somewhere that's not a chain, that's not ridiculous,

623
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:08,320
Speaker 1: but that you may you probably have never been that,

624
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:10,920
Speaker 1: you're gonna be like, oh wow, like he took me

625
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:13,359
Speaker 1: some or not mainstream. He put thought into it, like

626
00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:17,759
Speaker 1: I think. Also the hard part is like girls love

627
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:19,920
Speaker 1: to be romance and I think that's definitely a lost

628
00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 1: art happening in our generation. And so it's like you

629
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:25,319
Speaker 1: kind of do want the guy to be like, yeah,

630
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:27,560
Speaker 1: let's get to Mastros, Like I want to treat you right,

631
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:29,880
Speaker 1: But now it comes with the fact of Okay, are

632
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:31,560
Speaker 1: you're just taking me to masters to have a nice

633
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:34,480
Speaker 1: dinner to like, does that mean now like sex is

634
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:35,799
Speaker 1: in the back of your mind, where like I do

635
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:37,719
Speaker 1: have to like you would have to put out on

636
00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:40,760
Speaker 1: the first date. Like it just has made things so confusing.

637
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:42,600
Speaker 1: Like I don't know if you guys can speak on this,

638
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:44,320
Speaker 1: but like taking a girl to a nice date in

639
00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:47,200
Speaker 1: the past, has it been like I'm going to romance

640
00:34:47,239 --> 00:34:49,279
Speaker 1: her quote unquote, but like this is going to lead

641
00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:51,680
Speaker 1: to sex because now I'm dropping some money or at

642
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:56,520
Speaker 1: least in the hopes of that. Um. The hangup I

643
00:34:56,560 --> 00:35:01,399
Speaker 1: have here is that it's date one on date one,

644
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 1: like if I don't know, it's just like I'm a

645
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:09,080
Speaker 1: traditional guy, like to consider myself a traditional guy. Like

646
00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:12,040
Speaker 1: date one is should be fun, energetic, playful and like

647
00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:16,360
Speaker 1: just have a fun time and and the atmosphere of

648
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:18,839
Speaker 1: surroundings whatever that can add to that, but that's kind

649
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:20,840
Speaker 1: of secondary to like the person you're with and the

650
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:25,680
Speaker 1: interaction Like date one could be could be, Um, anything

651
00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:27,960
Speaker 1: could be a fun activity that doesn't have to be

652
00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:31,719
Speaker 1: like going out for supper. You know, I think that's

653
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:33,640
Speaker 1: also a lost start. People think going on a date

654
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:35,719
Speaker 1: has to be just going for supper with somebody. Will

655
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:38,120
Speaker 1: you sit down and you just converse with them? But like,

656
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:40,520
Speaker 1: what if you're active with somebody, doing something fun and

657
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:43,360
Speaker 1: playful and laughter and there's actually an activity that you

658
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:46,480
Speaker 1: can bond over versus just sitting and eating. Yeah, like

659
00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:48,440
Speaker 1: what if you have to pull up bars and you're

660
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:50,360
Speaker 1: both just like talking and getting to know each other.

661
00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:53,320
Speaker 1: I hope you're doing pull ups or you know, something

662
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:58,240
Speaker 1: like that. But this but this is like a serious

663
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:02,239
Speaker 1: question though. It's like, how quickly in let's say, you're

664
00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:04,399
Speaker 1: like really physically tracked to this girl, are you kind

665
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:07,560
Speaker 1: of like looking forward to that or like wanting to

666
00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:10,359
Speaker 1: Because we have to realize we're in the hookup culture now,

667
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:14,520
Speaker 1: so for us, it's like you do things for that transaction.

668
00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:19,080
Speaker 1: I have I have a friend who about a week ago,

669
00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:21,200
Speaker 1: I was having a conversation with him and he told

670
00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:25,200
Speaker 1: me a story, um, how he was really into this girl,

671
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:29,200
Speaker 1: super into this girl, and he goes, the biggest mistake

672
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:33,880
Speaker 1: we made was we had sex on night one. He said,

673
00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:36,520
Speaker 1: that was the biggest mistake. He goes, then, I was

674
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:39,319
Speaker 1: just for some reason, just kind of not into her,

675
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:41,359
Speaker 1: even though she was wonderful, I was just kind of

676
00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:43,840
Speaker 1: not into her, and he goes, I bet if we

677
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:47,680
Speaker 1: would have waited a couple of weeks, there was a

678
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:51,000
Speaker 1: chance of a relationship there. But for some reason, it

679
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:54,000
Speaker 1: just kind of rocked his boat that they had sex

680
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 1: on night one and then they never neither of them

681
00:36:57,719 --> 00:37:02,640
Speaker 1: pursued any more relationship from that. I think. I think

682
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:05,879
Speaker 1: what Tory is saying is fascinating, and I think there's

683
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:07,680
Speaker 1: so much to unpack in terms of like, if you

684
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:12,040
Speaker 1: go to the really fancy steakhouse, do do you then

685
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:17,360
Speaker 1: owe this guy's like some sexual favor as a result,

686
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:21,000
Speaker 1: And like, yeah, if you were to the Dungeoness crab

687
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 1: cocktail on the lobster Yoki, I mean, there may be

688
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:30,520
Speaker 1: some expectations there and then you're like, is it worth

689
00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:33,160
Speaker 1: the meal? If I then have to owe this guy

690
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:34,920
Speaker 1: is something at the end? What if I don't like him?

691
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:38,399
Speaker 1: Now I'm gonna feel the guilt. It's almost like now

692
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:41,160
Speaker 1: if they say mastros, is that a red flag? Is

693
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:43,560
Speaker 1: that automatically you saying great, this guy is going to

694
00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:45,440
Speaker 1: just expect something out of me at the end of

695
00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:49,960
Speaker 1: the day. It's a great question. But that is interesting

696
00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:51,480
Speaker 1: about your friend because I was going to ask my

697
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:54,400
Speaker 1: second faulup question would be honest with me, You guys,

698
00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:59,080
Speaker 1: be very honest. Do you actually judge girls? Because I

699
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:00,640
Speaker 1: know you always like be a free spirit, be who

700
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:02,840
Speaker 1: you want, But do you actually judge girls for sleeping

701
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:06,960
Speaker 1: on the first date? You personally, if you hear someone saying, yeah,

702
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:08,920
Speaker 1: I was really into him and like we slept together,

703
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:16,360
Speaker 1: are your first gut instincts saying good or like eikes? Um,

704
00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:18,919
Speaker 1: I'll go this way. To be truthfully honest, I would

705
00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:22,520
Speaker 1: go sixty kind of yikes. But I try not to

706
00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:26,800
Speaker 1: judge people. Um. I had a strength and conditioning coach

707
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:31,120
Speaker 1: who hooked up with his now wife. They have three kids. Um,

708
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:33,799
Speaker 1: on the very first night married, just kind of knew

709
00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:36,080
Speaker 1: that they were. I don't know they that's just their

710
00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:38,680
Speaker 1: journey went like that. So I'm not saying it can't work.

711
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:42,560
Speaker 1: My you asked me honestly to answer this question. I'm like, like,

712
00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:48,040
Speaker 1: because I'm I'd like to consider myself a traditional guy. UM,

713
00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:51,759
Speaker 1: so I'm kind of like initially jarred, like maybe that's

714
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:56,000
Speaker 1: not the best for the long term, but um, just

715
00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:59,000
Speaker 1: how I feel, but I don't hold any judgment against it.

716
00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:03,000
Speaker 1: Answer gut and and I've seen with my own eyes

717
00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:06,080
Speaker 1: it works out in somebody's life where they are life

718
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:13,839
Speaker 1: partners and have built a family together. Brian. Uh, I'm

719
00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:18,280
Speaker 1: of a similar mindset. I think every situation is completely different.

720
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 1: I tend to like, if I really feel like I

721
00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:29,279
Speaker 1: care or will ultimately care deeply about this person, like

722
00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:37,520
Speaker 1: and I view her as potential life material that I

723
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:40,880
Speaker 1: am less inclined to want to rush it on the

724
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:45,480
Speaker 1: first night, just have sex, Like I'm saying, like, because

725
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:50,080
Speaker 1: I think this could lead to something life changing, I'm

726
00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:53,160
Speaker 1: gonna slow play it to a to a degree so

727
00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:57,640
Speaker 1: as to not jeopardize that. Well, Brian, you have kids,

728
00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:00,160
Speaker 1: So let's say your your kids come home one of

729
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:03,560
Speaker 1: these days saying hey, Dad, like, yeah this happened. Are

730
00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:07,319
Speaker 1: you feeling like, yeah, okay, that's like your that's your situation.

731
00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:13,480
Speaker 1: Or would you be like, I don't do that again. Uh?

732
00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:15,480
Speaker 1: So what my son comes home and says, I just

733
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:18,000
Speaker 1: had sex with this girl on the first night, Yes,

734
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:19,040
Speaker 1: and he was like, I don't really know if I

735
00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:23,000
Speaker 1: was into her, but we slept together. Is he then

736
00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:26,759
Speaker 1: saying why? But I am in love or like I

737
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:29,719
Speaker 1: really think there's a future here, Like I guess I

738
00:40:29,719 --> 00:40:34,040
Speaker 1: would just be like, okay, you know after I high

739
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:37,000
Speaker 1: five to him, I would I guess it would just

740
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:42,600
Speaker 1: be like, you know, play it out, Like just because

741
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:46,160
Speaker 1: it happens doesn't mean you've now put a nail on

742
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:49,600
Speaker 1: the coffin. You you could have felt such a strong

743
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:52,160
Speaker 1: connection that there is a connection you've never felt ever

744
00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:55,600
Speaker 1: before that led you to doing this, and that that

745
00:40:55,719 --> 00:40:59,880
Speaker 1: connection will remain from that day forward unbreakable when you

746
00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:02,520
Speaker 1: end up with them. Who knows? So Like, I don't

747
00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:05,480
Speaker 1: think it's like trying true role that if you do

748
00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:08,080
Speaker 1: that on nine one that like you're doomed for failure

749
00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:10,279
Speaker 1: at all. I think there's plenty of examples where that

750
00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:15,600
Speaker 1: has happened in people of have long, great relationships. Definitely,

751
00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:21,120
Speaker 1: tory Um, what what kind of qualities or characteristics are

752
00:41:21,120 --> 00:41:23,399
Speaker 1: you looking for in a partner? One of the top

753
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:28,359
Speaker 1: three qualities that you're looking for, um, Well, obviously someone

754
00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:30,400
Speaker 1: with like morals, because like I have a faith, and

755
00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:32,759
Speaker 1: so I would love someone that has like the same

756
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:36,520
Speaker 1: kind of like morals or at least something that they

757
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:40,480
Speaker 1: believe in passionately. Um. The second one would be personality.

758
00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:44,439
Speaker 1: I am like, I need to have a good personality

759
00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:47,319
Speaker 1: and want to be outgoing and fun, which is hard

760
00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:51,839
Speaker 1: to find. Okay, yes, because defined personality like I like

761
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:54,799
Speaker 1: life of the party, energetic, I'm someone who's like never

762
00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:57,000
Speaker 1: never stops, and people always like, oh you need to

763
00:41:57,000 --> 00:42:00,239
Speaker 1: do the opposites attract, but for me like opposite. I've

764
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:04,040
Speaker 1: dated opposites and I am so bored, so bored. Um.

765
00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:05,960
Speaker 1: I would would rather have someone who's like very similar

766
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:07,799
Speaker 1: to me and like being outgoing where we maybe both

767
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:09,879
Speaker 1: burned out, being like we're exhausted, but like let's keep

768
00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 1: going and I don't know, but um, and that could

769
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:15,520
Speaker 1: just be the young meet because also, again you know,

770
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:18,520
Speaker 1: talking about characteristics, like this last guy that I talked to,

771
00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:21,600
Speaker 1: he was amazing. He was like he could honestly get

772
00:42:21,600 --> 00:42:23,560
Speaker 1: married tomorrow. But for me, I was like, Okay, if

773
00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:25,600
Speaker 1: I was thirty, this would be the guy. But where

774
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:30,160
Speaker 1: I am at like I'm just not there yet. Okay.

775
00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:32,920
Speaker 1: But that brings me to another question I have for

776
00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:37,239
Speaker 1: you guys. So dating in the past, one of the

777
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:40,200
Speaker 1: worst lines I've been told is you're not the girl

778
00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:42,960
Speaker 1: I marry or sorry, you're the girl I marry and

779
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:46,239
Speaker 1: I'm just not ready for that right now? What the

780
00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:48,200
Speaker 1: hell does that line mean? Because it is my biggest

781
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:50,359
Speaker 1: pet peeve because I'm well, I'm not looking for marriage either,

782
00:42:50,719 --> 00:42:53,160
Speaker 1: Like that's so much pressure to put on me. Is

783
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 1: that just the line to cop out? And like, be honest?

784
00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:57,560
Speaker 1: Is this a cop outline? Is this something that like

785
00:42:57,680 --> 00:43:00,759
Speaker 1: generally guys feel because they feel, um, be intimidated or

786
00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:04,000
Speaker 1: they're not enough for the person, or is it just

787
00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:05,759
Speaker 1: they don't have any other words to say? But like,

788
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:08,919
Speaker 1: I don't want this to go on anymore. I think

789
00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:11,760
Speaker 1: it's I think it's a garbage line by a guy.

790
00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:13,400
Speaker 1: If that's a guy that gave it to you, I

791
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:15,799
Speaker 1: think it's a garbage line. I think what he's really

792
00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:19,120
Speaker 1: saying is like I think, actually what he's saying is

793
00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:22,440
Speaker 1: you're actually a better person than I am at this moment,

794
00:43:22,760 --> 00:43:25,279
Speaker 1: he's actually seeing truth and honesty in you. And he's like,

795
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:27,759
Speaker 1: I'm not there yet. I'm an idiot. I want to

796
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:30,040
Speaker 1: run around as a dumb, young, dumb kid here for

797
00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:33,759
Speaker 1: a while. Um, I wish I had your kind of

798
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:40,080
Speaker 1: clarity on life and presence and commitment. Um, but that's

799
00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:42,239
Speaker 1: if if those words were to come out of my mouth,

800
00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:45,960
Speaker 1: that's probably what I would be saying, Ryan, what do

801
00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:49,600
Speaker 1: you think there? I think you're I think yeah. He's

802
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:52,400
Speaker 1: basically saying, it's I can boil it down to this.

803
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:54,399
Speaker 1: He's basic saying, like I just want to hook up.

804
00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:56,040
Speaker 1: I want to have like I want to just hook

805
00:43:56,120 --> 00:43:57,600
Speaker 1: up right now, Like I don't even want to think

806
00:43:57,600 --> 00:44:02,560
Speaker 1: about long term. But the when you decode that, that

807
00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:08,920
Speaker 1: basically implies that men that that a woman could never

808
00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:11,680
Speaker 1: have the same mindset right, Like to your point, sorry

809
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:16,440
Speaker 1: that you you yourself could never be in a position

810
00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:19,399
Speaker 1: where you're like just wanting to hook up and also

811
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:21,400
Speaker 1: not wanting to think about marriage, and therefore that the

812
00:44:21,480 --> 00:44:23,600
Speaker 1: two of you would actually be great for each other

813
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:26,680
Speaker 1: in that moment because you both want the same thing, right,

814
00:44:26,719 --> 00:44:31,040
Speaker 1: But it's this warped mentality of like a woman could

815
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:34,719
Speaker 1: never just want to fulfill that aspect and not be

816
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:38,880
Speaker 1: thinking about wanting to like buckle down and like commit

817
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:42,640
Speaker 1: to some long term thing. What do all men think

818
00:44:42,719 --> 00:44:50,960
Speaker 1: that woman just date for marriage? Uh? I would say no, um,

819
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:53,320
Speaker 1: And I was actually just having this conversation the other day.

820
00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:56,759
Speaker 1: I have a friend who is in her thirties and

821
00:44:57,080 --> 00:44:59,920
Speaker 1: has said she's not looking for a lifetime partner right now.

822
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:05,720
Speaker 1: M hmm, she's she's actually just having fun. Um, she's

823
00:45:05,760 --> 00:45:10,000
Speaker 1: really since the since COVID has happened, she's really stopped dating.

824
00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:13,320
Speaker 1: But she was kind of dating until like January favorite

825
00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:15,760
Speaker 1: and stopped it. And she's like, I'm actually super enjoying

826
00:45:15,800 --> 00:45:19,720
Speaker 1: this time, just reading a lot, working on myself, Um,

827
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:23,360
Speaker 1: discovering a lot about myself, and like, I'm not searching

828
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:26,319
Speaker 1: or seeking a lifetime partner right now. That doesn't mean

829
00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:29,239
Speaker 1: I don't want one in the future, but um, right

830
00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:33,400
Speaker 1: now I'm not. And she's in her thirties, So I

831
00:45:33,440 --> 00:45:35,840
Speaker 1: wouldn't say I don't think men look at that. I

832
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:43,200
Speaker 1: think there's a societal connotation somewhat that that's but I

833
00:45:43,239 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 1: think it's misinformed or ill informed. But I think that

834
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:50,000
Speaker 1: is present where guys tend to think that women just

835
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:53,200
Speaker 1: want to get married, but having friends that that I

836
00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:59,480
Speaker 1: have actually as like they don't. Not everyone does. It's

837
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:01,760
Speaker 1: an individual. You can't just paint a broad stroke across

838
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:04,480
Speaker 1: every woman wants to get married, because it's not true.

839
00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:07,920
Speaker 1: They all don't right now. Um, same with guys. Some

840
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:11,000
Speaker 1: guys take a while more to find. Took me till

841
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:13,279
Speaker 1: my thirties almost to find the capacity to want to

842
00:46:13,320 --> 00:46:16,880
Speaker 1: welcome a committed relationship like other guys. I have another

843
00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:19,080
Speaker 1: friend who was married at the age of twenty r

844
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:23,960
Speaker 1: has three beautiful boys. Like married at the age of twenty,

845
00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:26,600
Speaker 1: and he found that purpose in that happiness ten years

846
00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:28,960
Speaker 1: before I did. So. I don't think we could just

847
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:31,680
Speaker 1: paint a broad stroke over men men this way and

848
00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:35,640
Speaker 1: women this way, um, but I would say that, yes,

849
00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:38,080
Speaker 1: what you're asking, does that is that somewhat of an

850
00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:41,319
Speaker 1: underlying connotation in society? I would say yes. I really

851
00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:44,800
Speaker 1: think it's like, are you asking like are you overpear it?

852
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:47,359
Speaker 1: Every case is different. Are you like asking a ton

853
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:52,399
Speaker 1: of questions that are leading him to believe like you

854
00:46:52,440 --> 00:46:54,680
Speaker 1: want to settle down immediately? And if you're not, then

855
00:46:54,719 --> 00:46:57,640
Speaker 1: there's no reason to assume that. And by the way,

856
00:46:57,719 --> 00:46:59,920
Speaker 1: the guy who said like you're more wife and a

857
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:02,960
Speaker 1: you real like in his mind, I genuinely believe he

858
00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:09,040
Speaker 1: thinks he's giving you a compliment like and obviously it's

859
00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:11,719
Speaker 1: not received that way, but like I generally believe in

860
00:47:11,840 --> 00:47:15,560
Speaker 1: his he's twenty five, so that's he's twenty one. Maturity

861
00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:20,280
Speaker 1: wise and his twenty one year old infantile man brain.

862
00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:23,160
Speaker 1: He's thinking, like, that's such a nice thing for me

863
00:47:23,200 --> 00:47:28,000
Speaker 1: to say the tory, Like it's reverse psychology, like she's

864
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:30,719
Speaker 1: going to eat that up that I'm calling her wife

865
00:47:31,719 --> 00:47:36,120
Speaker 1: even more, and then like here we go. That is

866
00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:38,759
Speaker 1: so funny. I feel like that's okay. That brings like

867
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:41,759
Speaker 1: clarity a little like to that situation. Yeah, I know

868
00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:43,600
Speaker 1: that's the hard part. I think that no matter what

869
00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:46,319
Speaker 1: you say to a woman, like if it's some form

870
00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:50,799
Speaker 1: of rejection, I think that I would rather have, oh

871
00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:52,480
Speaker 1: it say, I'd rather have the harsh truth. But then

872
00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:55,640
Speaker 1: I do know someone else that one of my best friends,

873
00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:57,279
Speaker 1: she was dating a guy and he was like, I

874
00:47:57,320 --> 00:48:00,840
Speaker 1: am just physically not attracted to you. That's just like

875
00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:03,200
Speaker 1: why we can't forego this and it and it's still

876
00:48:03,239 --> 00:48:05,000
Speaker 1: like haunts her to this digs. It's like, am I

877
00:48:05,040 --> 00:48:08,560
Speaker 1: now just like never physically attractive to another male? So

878
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:09,839
Speaker 1: it's like, I don't know, do I want the more

879
00:48:09,840 --> 00:48:12,600
Speaker 1: passive aggressive line with an underlining meaning or do I

880
00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:17,040
Speaker 1: want them more upfront. I don't know. It's a great question.

881
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:20,359
Speaker 1: I've said this many times in this podcast that I

882
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:23,840
Speaker 1: believe that people can take good news and bad news

883
00:48:24,120 --> 00:48:28,520
Speaker 1: as long as it's delivered honestly and truthfully. And so like,

884
00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:31,240
Speaker 1: you're the guy that just told your friend like, I'm sorry,

885
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:37,600
Speaker 1: I'm not physically attracted to you. Um, it's he's he's

886
00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:41,080
Speaker 1: actually being honest there. Now, how he says it, how

887
00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:43,000
Speaker 1: he delivers it, I think there's a lot to be

888
00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:45,080
Speaker 1: put in the stock of how he delivers it. He's like,

889
00:48:45,360 --> 00:48:48,040
Speaker 1: I'm not physically attracted to you. That's like almost a

890
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:52,400
Speaker 1: that's like an attack on the person that that's just

891
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:55,000
Speaker 1: a discussing way. But it's like your heart is beautiful.

892
00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:57,600
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm sorry, I'm not physically attracted to you.

893
00:48:58,440 --> 00:49:01,080
Speaker 1: It makes my stomach turn. Yeah, I know, but it's

894
00:49:01,200 --> 00:49:03,680
Speaker 1: but it's the same. I read this book recently, um

895
00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:07,000
Speaker 1: the Four Agreements. I think it's called the Four Agreements,

896
00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:10,680
Speaker 1: and it says, never take anything defensively because I could

897
00:49:10,680 --> 00:49:13,880
Speaker 1: tell you you're beautiful, and how you receive that is

898
00:49:13,920 --> 00:49:16,279
Speaker 1: how you receive that. You can say you can make

899
00:49:16,320 --> 00:49:19,680
Speaker 1: yourself feel great with that, or and on conversely, I

900
00:49:19,719 --> 00:49:21,440
Speaker 1: can tell you I'm not attracted to you, and you

901
00:49:21,440 --> 00:49:27,719
Speaker 1: can make yourself feel like unattractive with that. So, so

902
00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:31,920
Speaker 1: it's like, never take anything, even compliments, like words are

903
00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:34,400
Speaker 1: just words, and it's the emotion you get from them

904
00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 1: comes from the power you give them. So your friend

905
00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:39,439
Speaker 1: is giving this guy so much power when he said

906
00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:42,879
Speaker 1: he's not physically attracted to her, Like, do you think

907
00:49:42,960 --> 00:49:45,719
Speaker 1: you're physically attracted to every person in this world? Is

908
00:49:45,719 --> 00:49:48,399
Speaker 1: that what we think is happening every single person, that

909
00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:50,759
Speaker 1: you would be physically drawn to all of them. No,

910
00:49:51,160 --> 00:49:53,239
Speaker 1: some you're gonna prefer some you aren't going to be

911
00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:57,600
Speaker 1: attracted to physically. It's just you know, so why so

912
00:49:57,760 --> 00:50:00,399
Speaker 1: she's taking that defensive that there's one i I I out

913
00:50:00,440 --> 00:50:03,879
Speaker 1: of four billion guys is not physically attracted to her.

914
00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:07,600
Speaker 1: I Mean the flip side is this is like, I

915
00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:09,440
Speaker 1: agree with you, it's all on the delivery. But it's

916
00:50:09,440 --> 00:50:11,160
Speaker 1: an interesting point. You make books in terms of just

917
00:50:11,239 --> 00:50:17,279
Speaker 1: like being honest, and if he were to say, you know,

918
00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:19,640
Speaker 1: it's just not working out, and you know it's just

919
00:50:19,719 --> 00:50:22,800
Speaker 1: not working out, that is incredibly vague. And now she's

920
00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:29,200
Speaker 1: left to try to make sense of what that actually means,

921
00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:32,279
Speaker 1: like what isn't working out like and she can't. She

922
00:50:32,719 --> 00:50:35,040
Speaker 1: may never be able to get over it because she can't.

923
00:50:35,040 --> 00:50:38,040
Speaker 1: She has no clarity when when he is direct, assuming

924
00:50:38,040 --> 00:50:41,920
Speaker 1: he does so in a eloquent way and not a

925
00:50:42,320 --> 00:50:44,320
Speaker 1: like when I look at you, I want to vomit.

926
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:47,920
Speaker 1: It's not the line. I'm just I'm having a tough

927
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:52,680
Speaker 1: time with our physical connection, at least as tough as

928
00:50:52,719 --> 00:50:55,440
Speaker 1: that is on the surface to hear and immediately to

929
00:50:55,560 --> 00:50:59,520
Speaker 1: process when you take a step back, I think ultimately

930
00:50:59,520 --> 00:51:02,880
Speaker 1: she can be a appreciative to at least now, Okay,

931
00:51:02,960 --> 00:51:05,160
Speaker 1: there's nothing I could have done about that, and now

932
00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:07,760
Speaker 1: I can move on. It is what it is, because

933
00:51:07,760 --> 00:51:09,680
Speaker 1: she's also what she's doing there, and I'm not trying

934
00:51:09,760 --> 00:51:11,680
Speaker 1: to attack your friend in any way, but what she's

935
00:51:11,719 --> 00:51:15,600
Speaker 1: doing there, she's making his comment about herself. Yeah. Well,

936
00:51:15,640 --> 00:51:17,320
Speaker 1: I think the hard part that I left out is

937
00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:19,719
Speaker 1: they had already slept together and like been together for

938
00:51:19,760 --> 00:51:22,440
Speaker 1: a long time, so then it brought it led up

939
00:51:22,480 --> 00:51:24,319
Speaker 1: to this moment of him being like, listen, this just

940
00:51:24,400 --> 00:51:26,759
Speaker 1: isn't working out, which I understand because I think that

941
00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:32,359
Speaker 1: usually people are more physical attractive base and I think

942
00:51:32,400 --> 00:51:37,040
Speaker 1: they were more like, uh, friendship compatible. So that carried

943
00:51:37,080 --> 00:51:38,520
Speaker 1: through a lot, and then at the end of the

944
00:51:38,560 --> 00:51:41,400
Speaker 1: day when he was like, Okay, is this something I

945
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:43,840
Speaker 1: can really forego? It's like, Okay, I'm not physically attracted

946
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:47,840
Speaker 1: to you. Okay, so that yeah, that context is different. Um,

947
00:51:48,320 --> 00:51:51,000
Speaker 1: but just kind of leave that statement for where it is,

948
00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:56,080
Speaker 1: Like he said he's not physically attracted to you. That

949
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:58,759
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with you, that's his Can you

950
00:51:58,840 --> 00:52:01,600
Speaker 1: not take that person? Like that? Just sucks. It's like

951
00:52:01,640 --> 00:52:03,960
Speaker 1: something that you literally cannot If you would have been

952
00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:06,480
Speaker 1: like listen, like you're too clingy, that's one thing. But

953
00:52:06,520 --> 00:52:08,680
Speaker 1: to be like you're I'm physically not attracted to you,

954
00:52:08,680 --> 00:52:12,759
Speaker 1: You're like, like there's nothing I can fix on that.

955
00:52:13,400 --> 00:52:17,360
Speaker 1: We asked like this without coming off as insensitive, like

956
00:52:17,760 --> 00:52:22,800
Speaker 1: did she change physically from the time that they first

957
00:52:22,920 --> 00:52:26,279
Speaker 1: hooked up? No? No, I got what you're asking. No,

958
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:30,840
Speaker 1: she's like they're both athletes, both in great shape. He

959
00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:34,480
Speaker 1: just hit this moment. So, Tory, here's here's where I'm

960
00:52:34,520 --> 00:52:37,520
Speaker 1: coming from on this and why I have this perspective

961
00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:40,560
Speaker 1: and maybe this has helped shape my life. Um, I've

962
00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:44,240
Speaker 1: been traded three times in my life in professional sports.

963
00:52:44,680 --> 00:52:48,359
Speaker 1: So that's essentially saying we don't want you, we want

964
00:52:48,400 --> 00:52:51,239
Speaker 1: that other guy on that other team instead of you,

965
00:52:51,280 --> 00:52:53,360
Speaker 1: and we're going to give them, give you them so

966
00:52:53,480 --> 00:52:56,759
Speaker 1: we can get you, or give you, give them to

967
00:52:56,840 --> 00:52:59,879
Speaker 1: you so we can get him, so he's we value him,

968
00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:03,600
Speaker 1: or and we don't even really know him yet. Well,

969
00:53:03,640 --> 00:53:05,480
Speaker 1: that's happened to me three times in my life and

970
00:53:05,520 --> 00:53:08,960
Speaker 1: by an organization that I spent twelve years there, twelve

971
00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:11,160
Speaker 1: years of my heart and soul. So if I'm going

972
00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:14,120
Speaker 1: to take that as an attack on me that you

973
00:53:14,160 --> 00:53:16,960
Speaker 1: guys don't like me, you blah blah blah, like I'm

974
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:22,279
Speaker 1: giving them so much power versus just saying, Okay, they

975
00:53:22,320 --> 00:53:24,719
Speaker 1: see me, they know who I am. I'm not the

976
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:28,000
Speaker 1: fit for them, That's okay, that's okay, But that's not

977
00:53:28,040 --> 00:53:30,080
Speaker 1: a slight on me, because I know how I showed up.

978
00:53:30,719 --> 00:53:32,400
Speaker 1: I know I am who I am. This is the

979
00:53:32,440 --> 00:53:34,440
Speaker 1: effort that I've put in, and if I'm not the

980
00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:37,520
Speaker 1: fit for you, that's okay. It takes some time to

981
00:53:37,560 --> 00:53:40,080
Speaker 1: develop that muscle. I've also been dumped in my life.

982
00:53:40,600 --> 00:53:43,600
Speaker 1: I've also been I've been in a relationship and been dumped,

983
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:47,520
Speaker 1: So that's okay. I'm like, okay, that's okay, I'm gonna

984
00:53:47,600 --> 00:53:50,840
Speaker 1: leave it. I'm going to accept your words or your actions,

985
00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:53,399
Speaker 1: and I'm not going to take them defensively, but I'm

986
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:56,080
Speaker 1: going to I'm going to just accept that that's how

987
00:53:56,160 --> 00:54:00,200
Speaker 1: you feel. Otherwise, I'm trying to control everything in this

988
00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:05,080
Speaker 1: world and have everything lined up the way that I wanted. So, Brooks,

989
00:54:05,200 --> 00:54:08,680
Speaker 1: you got did you get traded? Who did the Capital's

990
00:54:08,760 --> 00:54:14,600
Speaker 1: trade you to Toronto? Okay? So as at glast half

991
00:54:14,600 --> 00:54:19,560
Speaker 1: full guy? Could you not say to yourself that rather

992
00:54:19,600 --> 00:54:22,879
Speaker 1: than saying the Capitals didn't want me and so they

993
00:54:22,920 --> 00:54:24,920
Speaker 1: traded me for this other guy, you could look at

994
00:54:24,920 --> 00:54:28,839
Speaker 1: it as like, Wow, the Toronto Maple Leafs wanted me

995
00:54:29,320 --> 00:54:33,319
Speaker 1: so much that they were willing to part with ex

996
00:54:33,440 --> 00:54:36,319
Speaker 1: player in the trade so as to get me. That's

997
00:54:36,360 --> 00:54:39,839
Speaker 1: how desirable I am as a player that that organization

998
00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:42,080
Speaker 1: would go to such great lengths to trade one of

999
00:54:42,120 --> 00:54:45,640
Speaker 1: their guys to get me like that, that seems unless

1000
00:54:45,680 --> 00:54:49,000
Speaker 1: you're saying, who was the guy that I was traded for?

1001
00:54:49,200 --> 00:54:52,680
Speaker 1: And am I better than him? And you know, yeah,

1002
00:54:52,480 --> 00:54:54,920
Speaker 1: you're right, then that's it's the power that you give

1003
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:57,719
Speaker 1: to the words or the actions that are in front

1004
00:54:57,760 --> 00:55:00,879
Speaker 1: of you that are coming from another party. Right. But

1005
00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:03,319
Speaker 1: if I could bring this back to the like the

1006
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:06,280
Speaker 1: dating realm for quick second would be like this, okay,

1007
00:55:06,280 --> 00:55:07,880
Speaker 1: this is I feel like how girls would take like

1008
00:55:07,960 --> 00:55:11,000
Speaker 1: take that call like, um, anything physical that maybe you're

1009
00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:15,200
Speaker 1: not attracted to them. Um, you're getting a girl, you

1010
00:55:15,200 --> 00:55:17,719
Speaker 1: guys are having sex whatever, and she just goes, listen,

1011
00:55:17,760 --> 00:55:20,960
Speaker 1: I need to break up with you. You're just too

1012
00:55:21,040 --> 00:55:24,960
Speaker 1: like you're down there, your penis is too tiny. I'm

1013
00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:28,040
Speaker 1: so sorry. It's just not working. You're just kind of like, well,

1014
00:55:28,040 --> 00:55:29,560
Speaker 1: what am I supposed to do? Fix that? You know

1015
00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:30,759
Speaker 1: what I mean? So it's like it's just how do

1016
00:55:30,800 --> 00:55:34,040
Speaker 1: you not take it personal? They're literally like attacking. It's

1017
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:35,839
Speaker 1: almost like a character like I feel like men take

1018
00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:38,680
Speaker 1: a lot of pride in they're like their package. And

1019
00:55:38,680 --> 00:55:41,000
Speaker 1: then now you're just saying it's not good enough. It's like, yeah,

1020
00:55:41,040 --> 00:55:44,920
Speaker 1: sure I'm fine, and that one man's trash is another

1021
00:55:44,960 --> 00:55:46,720
Speaker 1: you know, man's treasure. What do you want to say?

1022
00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:48,560
Speaker 1: But it's like, how do you not take that personal?

1023
00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:53,759
Speaker 1: That example you gave, I think I can't. I'm gonna

1024
00:55:53,800 --> 00:56:00,319
Speaker 1: let Brooks take that one. I'm sure he's delicate. Um, Tory,

1025
00:56:00,880 --> 00:56:03,200
Speaker 1: what it's it's not ever say well, Tori, I want

1026
00:56:03,239 --> 00:56:04,960
Speaker 1: you to be six ft six. I don't like you

1027
00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:06,799
Speaker 1: because you're not six ft six. You're like, well, I

1028
00:56:06,840 --> 00:56:10,360
Speaker 1: can't change that, but it's it's different. It's not like

1029
00:56:10,400 --> 00:56:12,600
Speaker 1: a height thing you'd be like, I get it. I'm tall,

1030
00:56:12,760 --> 00:56:16,319
Speaker 1: and I don't think I would date a short guy.

1031
00:56:16,360 --> 00:56:18,160
Speaker 1: I don't think I would feel feminine enough to date

1032
00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:21,399
Speaker 1: a short guy. Like, to be completely honest, well, what's

1033
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:25,200
Speaker 1: wrong with somebody having preferences. It's not wrong, it's just

1034
00:56:25,239 --> 00:56:28,000
Speaker 1: like it's different. When you attack like it feels attack

1035
00:56:28,120 --> 00:56:32,000
Speaker 1: of like your humanity. Girls are sensitive, we can be

1036
00:56:32,120 --> 00:56:35,200
Speaker 1: we're tough, like, we can be the bitch that a

1037
00:56:35,280 --> 00:56:37,520
Speaker 1: man wants, but we still have things where like I

1038
00:56:37,600 --> 00:56:39,680
Speaker 1: just don't know if you could totally say you're not

1039
00:56:39,719 --> 00:56:43,439
Speaker 1: attracted to a woman, I get that, But you just said,

1040
00:56:43,440 --> 00:56:46,120
Speaker 1: like you want an outgoing guy. Should that be attack

1041
00:56:46,200 --> 00:56:48,759
Speaker 1: on like an introverted guy that he's not good enough,

1042
00:56:48,800 --> 00:56:52,360
Speaker 1: he's not outgoing, his personality is not enough personality for somebody.

1043
00:56:52,600 --> 00:56:57,360
Speaker 1: We're shaping arguments here, we're framing arguments. I do think

1044
00:56:57,520 --> 00:57:01,640
Speaker 1: I get what she's saying, because you can be introverted

1045
00:57:01,800 --> 00:57:04,160
Speaker 1: and if you know that you're the person you're dating

1046
00:57:04,840 --> 00:57:07,479
Speaker 1: would prefer you come out of your show a little

1047
00:57:07,480 --> 00:57:10,560
Speaker 1: bit more like and be more of an extrovert. You're

1048
00:57:10,600 --> 00:57:12,560
Speaker 1: never gonna be a full on extrovert, but you can.

1049
00:57:13,280 --> 00:57:17,200
Speaker 1: There's an ability to change. Whereas the micro penis example,

1050
00:57:18,520 --> 00:57:20,920
Speaker 1: or and this is this is what you're gonna get,

1051
00:57:20,920 --> 00:57:24,280
Speaker 1: there's no there's it is what it is and you can't,

1052
00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:30,080
Speaker 1: unfortunately ever change that, whereas like personality things and behavioral things,

1053
00:57:30,400 --> 00:57:33,280
Speaker 1: you can if you devote yourself to it, you can

1054
00:57:34,120 --> 00:57:36,720
Speaker 1: change so that I do I understand, like how you

1055
00:57:36,760 --> 00:57:40,120
Speaker 1: could really take it personally, My wife's best friend dating

1056
00:57:40,160 --> 00:57:44,160
Speaker 1: a guy with a micro penis, and ah, if he

1057
00:57:44,240 --> 00:57:46,400
Speaker 1: only knew the amount of they've since of broken up

1058
00:57:46,400 --> 00:57:51,320
Speaker 1: with the amount of jokes that were made about him.

1059
00:57:51,440 --> 00:57:53,960
Speaker 1: I mean, I'll be honest. I texted her after my

1060
00:57:54,040 --> 00:57:58,040
Speaker 1: first son was born and said to her, hey, just

1061
00:57:58,160 --> 00:58:02,440
Speaker 1: cleaning giving him as for spath, like cleaning his penis, Like,

1062
00:58:02,520 --> 00:58:04,640
Speaker 1: I've never dealt with the penis. That's small. Can you

1063
00:58:04,680 --> 00:58:12,120
Speaker 1: tell me how you're a bad as your boyfriend? She got,

1064
00:58:13,320 --> 00:58:22,080
Speaker 1: all right, that's probably could. I felt fine doing No.

1065
00:58:22,920 --> 00:58:26,320
Speaker 1: I hate cheaters. But to bring it to another question

1066
00:58:26,360 --> 00:58:31,600
Speaker 1: for you guys, intimidating that word is something else. I've

1067
00:58:31,640 --> 00:58:34,600
Speaker 1: been told like, like you're kind of like other girls

1068
00:58:34,640 --> 00:58:36,400
Speaker 1: have told me, like you're kind of intimidating or whatever,

1069
00:58:36,640 --> 00:58:39,040
Speaker 1: and that's never been something that I take pride in.

1070
00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:42,000
Speaker 1: But in this book it says like men are attracted

1071
00:58:42,040 --> 00:58:45,240
Speaker 1: to women who are intimidating, But like, is that true?

1072
00:58:45,760 --> 00:58:48,280
Speaker 1: Are you? Are you more attracted to the woman who's

1073
00:58:48,400 --> 00:58:50,120
Speaker 1: could be maybe like a stay at home, go with

1074
00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:52,240
Speaker 1: the flow wife, or are you attracted to the woman

1075
00:58:52,240 --> 00:58:55,720
Speaker 1: who's like a powerhouse, like knows what she wants and

1076
00:58:55,840 --> 00:59:01,880
Speaker 1: like gets career oriented, YadA, YadA. I'm you asked me

1077
00:59:01,920 --> 00:59:08,520
Speaker 1: this question. I am processing the word intimidating, and I'm

1078
00:59:08,520 --> 00:59:13,960
Speaker 1: trying to think of what what characteristics or presence of

1079
00:59:14,520 --> 00:59:18,720
Speaker 1: female A woman would have to have to be intimidating

1080
00:59:19,480 --> 00:59:22,240
Speaker 1: to me. I like this, tell me what they are?

1081
00:59:23,680 --> 00:59:28,520
Speaker 1: And I don't know. I don't know, Like, um, truthfully,

1082
00:59:28,520 --> 00:59:30,960
Speaker 1: I don't know what what's that? Ryan? I can tell?

1083
00:59:32,320 --> 00:59:34,760
Speaker 1: I think it's a really interesting question. I would say

1084
00:59:34,800 --> 00:59:43,720
Speaker 1: that three qualities would be um, beauty, wealth, and power,

1085
00:59:44,840 --> 00:59:47,320
Speaker 1: like any one of those three things, or the most

1086
00:59:47,360 --> 00:59:51,560
Speaker 1: intimidating person would be the person who possessed all three

1087
00:59:51,600 --> 00:59:58,400
Speaker 1: of those attributes. Beauty, wealth, and power. They're all intimidating.

1088
00:59:59,720 --> 01:00:02,920
Speaker 1: So that attractive to you or not attractive? You know,

1089
01:00:03,560 --> 01:00:09,200
Speaker 1: it's attractive. It's absolutely attractive. Yeah, Like I mean, here's

1090
01:00:09,200 --> 01:00:13,440
Speaker 1: what I would say, Like I think, if you, I

1091
01:00:13,440 --> 01:00:16,400
Speaker 1: mean to if like you're so career driven, career or

1092
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:19,480
Speaker 1: in you you do great things with your job or

1093
01:00:19,520 --> 01:00:25,520
Speaker 1: in your job, that's attractive, right because like I don't

1094
01:00:25,960 --> 01:00:30,960
Speaker 1: I personally could never be attracted to someone who didn't

1095
01:00:31,000 --> 01:00:34,440
Speaker 1: have career aspirations prior to us meeting and prior to

1096
01:00:35,080 --> 01:00:38,400
Speaker 1: being married, and just wanted to immediately find a guy

1097
01:00:38,560 --> 01:00:45,200
Speaker 1: settled down and and had no drive and as long

1098
01:00:45,240 --> 01:00:48,640
Speaker 1: as they had that drive and then had to change

1099
01:00:48,680 --> 01:00:52,000
Speaker 1: course once life got in the way and we had

1100
01:00:52,080 --> 01:00:54,280
Speaker 1: kids and stuff like that. Like that's completely different. But

1101
01:00:54,320 --> 01:00:58,400
Speaker 1: I think it's very attractive to have drive and to

1102
01:00:58,520 --> 01:01:01,760
Speaker 1: have power or any one of those three three things

1103
01:01:01,800 --> 01:01:05,040
Speaker 1: I mentioned. I agree with the drive part, the power part.

1104
01:01:05,760 --> 01:01:09,640
Speaker 1: It's very subjective. Well in terms of intimidation, though, you

1105
01:01:09,640 --> 01:01:13,360
Speaker 1: wouldn't say you could be intimidated by someone who has

1106
01:01:13,800 --> 01:01:18,080
Speaker 1: a tremendous amount of power. I don't know, like what

1107
01:01:18,080 --> 01:01:20,920
Speaker 1: what kind of political power? What? What? What are you

1108
01:01:21,000 --> 01:01:27,000
Speaker 1: giving power. The word power, Like if you met Michelle Obama,

1109
01:01:27,040 --> 01:01:29,440
Speaker 1: for instance, would you not would you not admit that

1110
01:01:29,520 --> 01:01:34,280
Speaker 1: there it would be because of the power that she

1111
01:01:34,400 --> 01:01:38,520
Speaker 1: has and who she is, and or Oprah Winfrey, Like

1112
01:01:38,960 --> 01:01:42,920
Speaker 1: you get what I'm saying, Like there isn't aura of intimidation.

1113
01:01:43,000 --> 01:01:47,760
Speaker 1: I think because they have so much power. I see

1114
01:01:47,800 --> 01:01:50,680
Speaker 1: what you're saying. Do you think that the people who

1115
01:01:50,760 --> 01:01:52,720
Speaker 1: are more and I have a follow up question to this,

1116
01:01:52,760 --> 01:01:55,240
Speaker 1: but the people who are more intimidating, though, I think,

1117
01:01:55,240 --> 01:01:59,040
Speaker 1: have a harder time dating. So basically like being successful,

1118
01:01:59,080 --> 01:02:02,560
Speaker 1: being driven, I think takes you into a different almost

1119
01:02:02,600 --> 01:02:04,640
Speaker 1: era of dating where you do have to wait to

1120
01:02:04,800 --> 01:02:09,840
Speaker 1: date older because younger guys aren't going for intimidating girls.

1121
01:02:10,520 --> 01:02:13,200
Speaker 1: So if you guys could, like think of a celebrity,

1122
01:02:13,760 --> 01:02:16,000
Speaker 1: because I think it'd be interesting. So Ryan, you've said,

1123
01:02:16,080 --> 01:02:18,360
Speaker 1: kind of like Oprah or like Michelle Obama is someone

1124
01:02:18,400 --> 01:02:20,640
Speaker 1: that you would think is like intimidating. But who do

1125
01:02:20,680 --> 01:02:24,040
Speaker 1: you think is intimidating in your eyes? And would you

1126
01:02:24,080 --> 01:02:28,800
Speaker 1: ever approach that person? I'm trying to think right same

1127
01:02:28,840 --> 01:02:31,320
Speaker 1: with you. You have to think of someone else. I'm

1128
01:02:31,520 --> 01:02:33,680
Speaker 1: trying to think of somebody who I would be like

1129
01:02:33,840 --> 01:02:37,439
Speaker 1: intimidated by I would I would just clarify, I don't

1130
01:02:37,480 --> 01:02:41,000
Speaker 1: think Oprah she's great. I don't think she possesses all three.

1131
01:02:41,040 --> 01:02:45,160
Speaker 1: I'm not as physically attracted to Oprah. I would say,

1132
01:02:45,240 --> 01:02:51,200
Speaker 1: but like get like Beyonce j Low, I'd say, they

1133
01:02:51,280 --> 01:02:56,480
Speaker 1: have all three. They have they have power, they have beauty,

1134
01:02:56,640 --> 01:03:00,040
Speaker 1: and they have wealth all it's the holy trend of

1135
01:03:00,640 --> 01:03:06,720
Speaker 1: intimidation at all. Right, But would you ever go up

1136
01:03:06,760 --> 01:03:09,680
Speaker 1: to that person and approach them if they were sitting

1137
01:03:09,680 --> 01:03:11,200
Speaker 1: next to each other like a football game, and you

1138
01:03:11,240 --> 01:03:14,200
Speaker 1: were like, this is my time? Would you take advantage

1139
01:03:14,240 --> 01:03:17,840
Speaker 1: of it? It all depends on the guy. I would

1140
01:03:17,920 --> 01:03:21,280
Speaker 1: because that excites me that those butterflies of being like

1141
01:03:21,440 --> 01:03:25,840
Speaker 1: this is like somebody who's what. Let's go back to

1142
01:03:25,880 --> 01:03:29,640
Speaker 1: what the guy saying, you're more wife material In the

1143
01:03:29,680 --> 01:03:34,120
Speaker 1: guy's mind, when he's telling you, you know, you're intimidating,

1144
01:03:34,280 --> 01:03:37,800
Speaker 1: that's a compliment. He's saying, you're you could be perceived

1145
01:03:37,840 --> 01:03:41,360
Speaker 1: to be out of his league because of all those attributes,

1146
01:03:41,440 --> 01:03:46,600
Speaker 1: and he believes that's a compliment genuinely. Um. But some

1147
01:03:46,680 --> 01:03:48,680
Speaker 1: guys are fearful of that and they want to just

1148
01:03:49,640 --> 01:03:51,520
Speaker 1: they want to be able to be with someone who's

1149
01:03:52,800 --> 01:03:55,680
Speaker 1: who's beneath them so that they can control that. I

1150
01:03:55,720 --> 01:04:01,000
Speaker 1: don't know, that's a whole another thing. But I think

1151
01:04:01,000 --> 01:04:05,000
Speaker 1: it's exciting to pursue somebody that's out of your league

1152
01:04:05,160 --> 01:04:09,320
Speaker 1: or that's intimidating, because that's so interesting to me though,

1153
01:04:09,320 --> 01:04:11,080
Speaker 1: because it's like, that's not the dating scenes. And I

1154
01:04:11,240 --> 01:04:14,800
Speaker 1: almost don't believe you because I think that like men

1155
01:04:14,840 --> 01:04:18,080
Speaker 1: would rather go for the easy option, which is definitely

1156
01:04:18,160 --> 01:04:21,440
Speaker 1: more of a trait in in my generation. It's like

1157
01:04:21,440 --> 01:04:24,120
Speaker 1: what's easier and more convenient. It may not be long lasting,

1158
01:04:24,240 --> 01:04:26,000
Speaker 1: but that's the one they're going to initially go for.

1159
01:04:27,160 --> 01:04:31,640
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe that's an insecurity in the man because if

1160
01:04:31,640 --> 01:04:36,360
Speaker 1: this woman has, as Ryan says, beauty, wealth and power,

1161
01:04:37,120 --> 01:04:42,120
Speaker 1: she's undoubtedly got options. Right with that undoubtedly going to

1162
01:04:42,240 --> 01:04:46,240
Speaker 1: come options, And so maybe the man is thinking like

1163
01:04:46,360 --> 01:04:49,440
Speaker 1: I can't get her, she's too good for me, or

1164
01:04:49,480 --> 01:04:52,040
Speaker 1: she's I'm scared, Like maybe I'll go for somebody that

1165
01:04:52,120 --> 01:04:57,280
Speaker 1: has less options because that's gonna make me feel more secure. Yeah,

1166
01:04:57,400 --> 01:05:01,080
Speaker 1: I mean, I think the guy doesn't want to face rejections.

1167
01:05:01,160 --> 01:05:04,680
Speaker 1: So if you go for someone who's intimidating you have

1168
01:05:04,720 --> 01:05:08,160
Speaker 1: a higher likelihood of being rejected, which makes you feel

1169
01:05:08,160 --> 01:05:11,720
Speaker 1: bad about yourself. So yeah, you you are inclined to

1170
01:05:11,720 --> 01:05:14,960
Speaker 1: go for the short thing that won't reject you. But

1171
01:05:15,040 --> 01:05:17,080
Speaker 1: like you read about this in all the magazines, by

1172
01:05:17,120 --> 01:05:19,640
Speaker 1: the way, like not a sure thing that person could

1173
01:05:19,640 --> 01:05:24,959
Speaker 1: reject you anyway. You know then, And I will also

1174
01:05:25,000 --> 01:05:27,360
Speaker 1: say this that I've I've been fortunate in my life

1175
01:05:27,400 --> 01:05:31,280
Speaker 1: to meet many, um people that are very successful, that

1176
01:05:31,320 --> 01:05:35,120
Speaker 1: are very beautiful, that are very wealthy, um, just through

1177
01:05:35,120 --> 01:05:37,880
Speaker 1: my community here in Los Angeles, and a lot of

1178
01:05:37,920 --> 01:05:42,400
Speaker 1: them are the most kind and generous and grateful and

1179
01:05:42,920 --> 01:05:46,880
Speaker 1: warmhearted people have ever met. I think that we're giving

1180
01:05:46,920 --> 01:05:51,680
Speaker 1: a misconnotation to people that are successful or maybe beautiful,

1181
01:05:51,760 --> 01:05:55,360
Speaker 1: or have a platform or something that that they're untouchable

1182
01:05:55,440 --> 01:05:58,560
Speaker 1: or intimidating, when actually know all they want to do

1183
01:05:58,640 --> 01:06:00,400
Speaker 1: is love. In this world, all I want to do

1184
01:06:00,480 --> 01:06:03,120
Speaker 1: is welcome people into their circle. And I'm sure that's

1185
01:06:03,160 --> 01:06:05,960
Speaker 1: examples of the opposite, but I in my life have

1186
01:06:06,040 --> 01:06:09,840
Speaker 1: witnessed those kinds of examples as well. It's the credentials

1187
01:06:09,920 --> 01:06:12,840
Speaker 1: that are intimidating. It's not the person themselves once you

1188
01:06:13,320 --> 01:06:18,760
Speaker 1: approach them, it's about getting to the balls to approach them.

1189
01:06:18,800 --> 01:06:20,600
Speaker 1: That is the most intimating thing. But then once you

1190
01:06:20,680 --> 01:06:23,160
Speaker 1: connect they are people too. When you read about it

1191
01:06:23,560 --> 01:06:26,240
Speaker 1: in US Weekly, it's like it's interviewing an actress who's

1192
01:06:26,760 --> 01:06:29,840
Speaker 1: you know, gorgeous, and it's like they're single. Why are

1193
01:06:29,880 --> 01:06:32,960
Speaker 1: you still singles? Like nobody ever approaches me, Like I

1194
01:06:32,960 --> 01:06:35,120
Speaker 1: don't know, And I always roll my eyes at that,

1195
01:06:35,120 --> 01:06:38,040
Speaker 1: but I guess it's true, like because of how intimidating

1196
01:06:38,120 --> 01:06:41,400
Speaker 1: they are, nobody wants or thinks that they would have

1197
01:06:41,440 --> 01:06:43,840
Speaker 1: a chance, so they just don't deal with them. Tori,

1198
01:06:44,000 --> 01:06:52,120
Speaker 1: do you get approached often? I mean, like if I'm

1199
01:06:52,120 --> 01:06:56,640
Speaker 1: at a bar for let's say, like a night, I'll

1200
01:06:56,640 --> 01:06:59,040
Speaker 1: have like someone like maybe it's just it's hard because

1201
01:06:59,040 --> 01:07:00,600
Speaker 1: it's like I do get a pro but it's never

1202
01:07:00,640 --> 01:07:03,080
Speaker 1: somebody that I would like, really want to talk to.

1203
01:07:03,160 --> 01:07:05,800
Speaker 1: It's always a person when you're like really man, like

1204
01:07:06,240 --> 01:07:09,720
Speaker 1: you're up to my shoulder or like you're eight years old.

1205
01:07:10,120 --> 01:07:12,160
Speaker 1: It's like kind of like we missed the marker a

1206
01:07:12,200 --> 01:07:15,240
Speaker 1: lot um. But like I do go on dates or

1207
01:07:15,280 --> 01:07:17,000
Speaker 1: like I'll get set up or things like that, But

1208
01:07:17,040 --> 01:07:20,040
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say I'm like the most approached person. No,

1209
01:07:21,280 --> 01:07:24,520
Speaker 1: do you do you feel that you have anything to

1210
01:07:24,720 --> 01:07:28,160
Speaker 1: do with that? And knowing you, I feel the answer

1211
01:07:28,200 --> 01:07:30,320
Speaker 1: is no. But like you know how some people give

1212
01:07:30,320 --> 01:07:32,600
Speaker 1: off an energy like don't come near me, and the

1213
01:07:32,720 --> 01:07:34,720
Speaker 1: other people just give off an energy like they're warm

1214
01:07:34,720 --> 01:07:37,480
Speaker 1: and bubbly and welcoming of people into their circle. I

1215
01:07:37,520 --> 01:07:39,800
Speaker 1: believe you're the because I know you. I've known you

1216
01:07:39,840 --> 01:07:42,320
Speaker 1: for a year now, and you are the latter to me,

1217
01:07:42,480 --> 01:07:45,840
Speaker 1: But um, do you believe that that's any part of

1218
01:07:45,840 --> 01:07:49,760
Speaker 1: it or you're like, No, I I'm warm everywhere I go,

1219
01:07:49,920 --> 01:07:54,840
Speaker 1: And I definitely think I'm warm wherever I go because

1220
01:07:55,000 --> 01:07:59,080
Speaker 1: I genuinely love humans. Like I said, I'm an extrovert

1221
01:07:59,120 --> 01:08:03,280
Speaker 1: to the max. Um, but I will say, like my

1222
01:08:03,360 --> 01:08:07,120
Speaker 1: mom calls me emotionally unavailable a lot because to really

1223
01:08:07,200 --> 01:08:09,760
Speaker 1: know me, Like even some of my best friends are

1224
01:08:09,760 --> 01:08:11,720
Speaker 1: like I still don't know if I totally know Tori.

1225
01:08:12,360 --> 01:08:14,439
Speaker 1: And it's because like I am just not someone who

1226
01:08:14,440 --> 01:08:17,240
Speaker 1: like can completely let my guard down or like want

1227
01:08:17,240 --> 01:08:20,479
Speaker 1: to share life with you, because first of all, like

1228
01:08:20,560 --> 01:08:23,759
Speaker 1: opening up to people, like it's just awkward in general

1229
01:08:23,960 --> 01:08:26,200
Speaker 1: because you know the person can't totally help you. You know,

1230
01:08:26,280 --> 01:08:28,200
Speaker 1: It's like I could say, hey, I'm feeling insecure about

1231
01:08:28,200 --> 01:08:30,280
Speaker 1: myself even like dating. It's like a guy can tell

1232
01:08:30,280 --> 01:08:33,080
Speaker 1: you're beautiful, but you're I almost here opposite because it's like,

1233
01:08:34,080 --> 01:08:36,840
Speaker 1: I know I struggle with that and like your words

1234
01:08:36,840 --> 01:08:38,479
Speaker 1: aren't going to do anything for me, but you think

1235
01:08:38,520 --> 01:08:40,360
Speaker 1: like you need to hear affirmation, and then you hear

1236
01:08:40,400 --> 01:08:43,040
Speaker 1: and it's not good enough. So I just don't really

1237
01:08:43,040 --> 01:08:45,360
Speaker 1: open up about things like that because it doesn't make

1238
01:08:45,360 --> 01:08:49,080
Speaker 1: me feel good. So I internalize a lot more um

1239
01:08:49,280 --> 01:08:51,439
Speaker 1: rather than like let people totally in. So I will

1240
01:08:51,479 --> 01:08:54,519
Speaker 1: say I'm initially like, I'm always very warm, I'll always

1241
01:08:54,560 --> 01:08:59,479
Speaker 1: be there, I'll always be very extroverted. But to really

1242
01:08:59,479 --> 01:09:02,280
Speaker 1: get to know O me, I think, is where I

1243
01:09:02,320 --> 01:09:05,960
Speaker 1: can come off as like a closed door mm hmm.

1244
01:09:07,880 --> 01:09:10,519
Speaker 1: You don't have any there's no body order issues or

1245
01:09:10,560 --> 01:09:13,479
Speaker 1: anything that might be it too, honestly does add it

1246
01:09:13,520 --> 01:09:17,400
Speaker 1: to list? Ryan? Thanks, I'm just trying to cover everything here, okay.

1247
01:09:18,880 --> 01:09:20,639
Speaker 1: And by the way, the eight year old that approached

1248
01:09:20,640 --> 01:09:24,360
Speaker 1: you at the bar like the seventy six mentally and

1249
01:09:24,479 --> 01:09:30,280
Speaker 1: that's not too bad, that's true, You're right, Shoot, we

1250
01:09:30,360 --> 01:09:38,360
Speaker 1: missed opportunities, uh, Tory, I'll say from a from my standpoint,

1251
01:09:38,520 --> 01:09:40,679
Speaker 1: as I want to say, guys standpoint, but I don't

1252
01:09:40,680 --> 01:09:47,840
Speaker 1: know if it's true. But from my standpoint, like I think, Um,

1253
01:09:47,880 --> 01:09:55,040
Speaker 1: I think kindness is so attractive. I think somebody with

1254
01:09:55,080 --> 01:10:01,360
Speaker 1: an open heart is so attractive. Um. And conversely, I

1255
01:10:01,400 --> 01:10:04,400
Speaker 1: think somebody with a closed heart that is really fighting

1256
01:10:04,479 --> 01:10:08,840
Speaker 1: hard or like that to me is off putting. It's

1257
01:10:08,920 --> 01:10:11,040
Speaker 1: very off putting. I'm like, what is the struggle? What

1258
01:10:11,080 --> 01:10:15,439
Speaker 1: are you fighting against? Like, I'm I'm here to open

1259
01:10:15,479 --> 01:10:17,360
Speaker 1: my heart to you and to be on your team

1260
01:10:18,680 --> 01:10:21,040
Speaker 1: and to be together in this and you're you're fighting

1261
01:10:21,560 --> 01:10:25,400
Speaker 1: to keep me out? Like what that? That's not attractive

1262
01:10:25,439 --> 01:10:29,679
Speaker 1: to me, just speaking from my own and I get

1263
01:10:30,479 --> 01:10:33,240
Speaker 1: I get that when people open up, there's a possibility

1264
01:10:33,640 --> 01:10:36,559
Speaker 1: one there one, there's a possibility that somebody is truly

1265
01:10:36,720 --> 01:10:41,040
Speaker 1: going to see you. Right when you open up, somebody

1266
01:10:41,200 --> 01:10:45,160
Speaker 1: was truly going to see you. Um. And I've really

1267
01:10:45,200 --> 01:10:47,959
Speaker 1: only learned a lot about this since our dogs passed

1268
01:10:48,000 --> 01:10:51,320
Speaker 1: in September, because I broke my heart wide open where

1269
01:10:51,320 --> 01:10:56,040
Speaker 1: I couldn't protect anything. And I've cried probably five times

1270
01:10:56,040 --> 01:10:59,599
Speaker 1: since our dogs passed, Like just emotions come and they

1271
01:10:59,640 --> 01:11:03,880
Speaker 1: come now, and I'm so grateful for that that I

1272
01:11:03,960 --> 01:11:05,960
Speaker 1: don't have the I don't know if it's the will

1273
01:11:06,040 --> 01:11:09,440
Speaker 1: or even the ability anymore to try and suppress emotions

1274
01:11:09,439 --> 01:11:12,120
Speaker 1: where everything comes right through my heart and I'm fully

1275
01:11:12,160 --> 01:11:16,000
Speaker 1: transparent and and people in the room can see and

1276
01:11:16,080 --> 01:11:18,599
Speaker 1: feel that. And if that means I cry in front

1277
01:11:18,600 --> 01:11:20,200
Speaker 1: of a bunch of dudes, I cry in front of

1278
01:11:20,200 --> 01:11:23,000
Speaker 1: a bunch of dudes. It's just real. Um. But that

1279
01:11:23,479 --> 01:11:25,960
Speaker 1: just recently came to me through a tragic event in

1280
01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:30,760
Speaker 1: my life. But having like knowing that now, I love

1281
01:11:30,840 --> 01:11:34,599
Speaker 1: to see somebody's heart. I love to see somebody's heart,

1282
01:11:34,680 --> 01:11:39,920
Speaker 1: and not to me is extremely attractive. Yeah, if you're

1283
01:11:39,920 --> 01:11:45,080
Speaker 1: emotionally unavailable, I don't have time for you. Like it's

1284
01:11:45,120 --> 01:11:48,360
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna, like I'm trying to get establish a

1285
01:11:48,400 --> 01:11:51,800
Speaker 1: connection here or pursue what could be a connection, and

1286
01:11:51,880 --> 01:11:55,880
Speaker 1: if you're closed off, then I'm not gonna waste my

1287
01:11:56,000 --> 01:12:00,400
Speaker 1: time trying to like convince you to open up. Like

1288
01:12:00,640 --> 01:12:06,439
Speaker 1: it's a mindset, commit to this and let's go totally. Now.

1289
01:12:06,439 --> 01:12:08,400
Speaker 1: I appreciate hearing that, because I think that I do

1290
01:12:08,520 --> 01:12:10,880
Speaker 1: need to hear that, But I feel like, at the

1291
01:12:10,920 --> 01:12:13,360
Speaker 1: same time, again, I hate to just keep saying like

1292
01:12:13,400 --> 01:12:15,400
Speaker 1: my generation, because I think that it does apply to

1293
01:12:15,400 --> 01:12:18,559
Speaker 1: all men though, but like I never in my head

1294
01:12:18,600 --> 01:12:21,360
Speaker 1: when I think of like the male population, it's not

1295
01:12:21,439 --> 01:12:24,160
Speaker 1: in like the highest standard necessarily, and it might be

1296
01:12:24,160 --> 01:12:25,680
Speaker 1: because now I'm in l A and l A. It's

1297
01:12:25,680 --> 01:12:28,040
Speaker 1: definitely hard to date. But when I think of men,

1298
01:12:28,080 --> 01:12:31,920
Speaker 1: I'm like, do you actually want to get to know me?

1299
01:12:32,080 --> 01:12:34,160
Speaker 1: Or is this just a way for you to like,

1300
01:12:35,320 --> 01:12:37,200
Speaker 1: because then it's like, okay. Then if you have the

1301
01:12:37,280 --> 01:12:40,559
Speaker 1: overly overly emotional girl or someone who's just like opening

1302
01:12:40,640 --> 01:12:43,479
Speaker 1: up or like bears all to you, then it's like,

1303
01:12:43,520 --> 01:12:48,280
Speaker 1: oh that's too much and like that's overwhelming or she's crazy.

1304
01:12:48,520 --> 01:12:51,000
Speaker 1: So it's like it's hard not to be on that spectrum.

1305
01:12:51,120 --> 01:12:53,360
Speaker 1: And like I would rather be the easy going girl

1306
01:12:54,080 --> 01:12:55,920
Speaker 1: who still knows what I want, but like the easy

1307
01:12:55,920 --> 01:12:57,599
Speaker 1: going like you don't need to be involved in all

1308
01:12:57,640 --> 01:13:01,839
Speaker 1: that aspects until maybe your one or whatever. Being dramatic,

1309
01:13:01,920 --> 01:13:05,719
Speaker 1: but I would rather like hold out than be called

1310
01:13:05,880 --> 01:13:08,880
Speaker 1: or like in that stigma like a crazy woman, you know,

1311
01:13:09,040 --> 01:13:14,000
Speaker 1: or the crazy girl. It's a tory. This is great.

1312
01:13:14,040 --> 01:13:17,519
Speaker 1: I want to just appreciate you for opening up your

1313
01:13:17,600 --> 01:13:21,200
Speaker 1: questions and your thoughts are real, and they're challenging me

1314
01:13:21,280 --> 01:13:24,320
Speaker 1: to really think deeply on this. It's actually it's a

1315
01:13:24,360 --> 01:13:30,080
Speaker 1: fair point, touche. I think there's like, yeah, on day

1316
01:13:30,120 --> 01:13:32,880
Speaker 1: one or week one, do you want to unload all

1317
01:13:32,920 --> 01:13:37,960
Speaker 1: of your deepest, darkest issues. Probably not, But there's a

1318
01:13:38,000 --> 01:13:43,559
Speaker 1: happy medium towards being open and then you know, in

1319
01:13:43,720 --> 01:13:46,360
Speaker 1: time kind of it's just a slow burn, I think

1320
01:13:46,479 --> 01:13:48,559
Speaker 1: is what it has to be. Yeah, I agree with Ryan.

1321
01:13:48,760 --> 01:13:51,639
Speaker 1: I agree with you there, buddy. Um. I also think

1322
01:13:51,680 --> 01:13:53,240
Speaker 1: one word that I've been focusing a lot on in

1323
01:13:53,320 --> 01:13:58,000
Speaker 1: my life lately is intent, intent and in coded energy,

1324
01:13:58,080 --> 01:14:01,839
Speaker 1: like what's when you go on a date? What's your intent?

1325
01:14:02,439 --> 01:14:05,439
Speaker 1: How are you showing up energetically on this date? Is

1326
01:14:05,479 --> 01:14:09,200
Speaker 1: it for true connection to really discover this person, to

1327
01:14:09,360 --> 01:14:12,439
Speaker 1: learn about this person, to connect with this person and

1328
01:14:12,520 --> 01:14:16,920
Speaker 1: share share yourself or is it like hey, I'm just bored.

1329
01:14:17,040 --> 01:14:18,800
Speaker 1: We're showing up to have some fun tonight and we're

1330
01:14:18,840 --> 01:14:21,800
Speaker 1: gonna just and whatever happens happens kind of, you know.

1331
01:14:21,920 --> 01:14:24,960
Speaker 1: And so something I've been focusing on in all areas

1332
01:14:24,960 --> 01:14:28,240
Speaker 1: of my life, not just personal but career as well,

1333
01:14:28,320 --> 01:14:32,040
Speaker 1: being on this podcast, like what is my intent here?

1334
01:14:32,960 --> 01:14:35,840
Speaker 1: And and the more you the more that I found

1335
01:14:35,840 --> 01:14:38,000
Speaker 1: that I focused on that, the better radar I have

1336
01:14:38,120 --> 01:14:43,920
Speaker 1: of somebody else's intent. And if I like, if I go,

1337
01:14:44,240 --> 01:14:46,960
Speaker 1: say it's even just a business meeting or say whatever,

1338
01:14:47,040 --> 01:14:49,519
Speaker 1: I can tell if somebody just wants something for from

1339
01:14:49,560 --> 01:14:51,960
Speaker 1: me they're like, yeah, yeah, I want they want something

1340
01:14:52,000 --> 01:14:54,960
Speaker 1: from me, Or if like they want to do something

1341
01:14:55,000 --> 01:14:58,200
Speaker 1: and partner on something with me, because we could make

1342
01:14:58,240 --> 01:15:01,880
Speaker 1: something amazing and serve the community you with it. You know,

1343
01:15:01,960 --> 01:15:06,160
Speaker 1: like the radar becomes better for what is this person's intent?

1344
01:15:06,680 --> 01:15:09,680
Speaker 1: And I think if you lead with your intent on

1345
01:15:09,720 --> 01:15:12,960
Speaker 1: a date and as Ryan said, a little bit of

1346
01:15:13,000 --> 01:15:15,680
Speaker 1: a slow burn, don't come out and tell me everything

1347
01:15:15,720 --> 01:15:18,320
Speaker 1: that's gone wrong in your life and and try and

1348
01:15:18,360 --> 01:15:20,559
Speaker 1: like share all of that. Like, let's let's get to

1349
01:15:20,600 --> 01:15:23,960
Speaker 1: know each other, let's discover the other person, share drip

1350
01:15:24,040 --> 01:15:27,120
Speaker 1: a little bit of myself. Let's see if this connection

1351
01:15:27,240 --> 01:15:33,320
Speaker 1: is working. And I'm actually here honoring you, honoring getting

1352
01:15:33,360 --> 01:15:38,280
Speaker 1: to know somebody new and in return respecting that you're

1353
01:15:38,320 --> 01:15:40,320
Speaker 1: there in the same facet that I am. And I'm

1354
01:15:40,360 --> 01:15:44,040
Speaker 1: going to open myself up to to honor your honor.

1355
01:15:44,520 --> 01:15:47,720
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Um, I just believe in

1356
01:15:47,720 --> 01:15:51,840
Speaker 1: intent and encoded energy so much in our presence and

1357
01:15:51,960 --> 01:15:54,400
Speaker 1: living that way has really opened my radar to how

1358
01:15:54,439 --> 01:15:56,920
Speaker 1: other people are showing up in front of me. M hm.

1359
01:15:57,720 --> 01:16:00,160
Speaker 1: Does that help at all? Does that make sense? Only?

1360
01:16:00,200 --> 01:16:02,160
Speaker 1: I think it's something that like if I could pinpoint

1361
01:16:02,200 --> 01:16:04,000
Speaker 1: one thing in dating is like to do that to

1362
01:16:04,080 --> 01:16:07,479
Speaker 1: like open to be more like vulnerable and like when

1363
01:16:07,479 --> 01:16:09,720
Speaker 1: people want to actually know something to not give like

1364
01:16:09,800 --> 01:16:13,000
Speaker 1: the I'm fine answer. It's just again, it's hard because

1365
01:16:13,680 --> 01:16:16,040
Speaker 1: there's so many double standards, like we just discussed the

1366
01:16:16,080 --> 01:16:17,840
Speaker 1: like crazy versus like I'm not going to deal with

1367
01:16:17,840 --> 01:16:19,360
Speaker 1: you if you're not gonna open up to me or

1368
01:16:19,400 --> 01:16:22,120
Speaker 1: like be in it or be you know. So it's

1369
01:16:22,120 --> 01:16:25,439
Speaker 1: just it's just it's just why dating is so freaking

1370
01:16:25,600 --> 01:16:29,360
Speaker 1: hard in this generation because there's so many like pros

1371
01:16:29,400 --> 01:16:32,440
Speaker 1: and cons to each one. And and when I evaluate,

1372
01:16:32,560 --> 01:16:34,960
Speaker 1: I know that I would rather I get I don't

1373
01:16:34,960 --> 01:16:35,960
Speaker 1: even know if I could say that, but like I

1374
01:16:36,000 --> 01:16:39,720
Speaker 1: would rather I guess be heartbroken and like at least

1375
01:16:39,800 --> 01:16:43,760
Speaker 1: like try to risk it to to open myself up.

1376
01:16:43,760 --> 01:16:46,080
Speaker 1: But then the idea of being heartbroken and it's just

1377
01:16:46,120 --> 01:16:49,880
Speaker 1: like it's so brutal, like heartbreak is so brutal that

1378
01:16:50,000 --> 01:16:53,559
Speaker 1: I don't I don't desire to go there, and I'd

1379
01:16:53,680 --> 01:16:56,240
Speaker 1: rather just be like be lonely. But then it's like

1380
01:16:56,960 --> 01:16:58,920
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. Like a couple of weeks ago,

1381
01:17:00,040 --> 01:17:02,280
Speaker 1: we were I mean like there's been like this quarantine

1382
01:17:02,320 --> 01:17:04,479
Speaker 1: kind of group. We've been bouncing back and forth between

1383
01:17:04,520 --> 01:17:06,000
Speaker 1: and like this guy kind of came back and like

1384
01:17:06,000 --> 01:17:07,840
Speaker 1: we didn't have sex or anything, but like we definitely

1385
01:17:07,880 --> 01:17:09,960
Speaker 1: messed around. But then I woke up the next morning

1386
01:17:09,960 --> 01:17:11,800
Speaker 1: and I was like, well, this doesn't feel good, you know.

1387
01:17:11,880 --> 01:17:13,519
Speaker 1: And so it's like I'm just I feel like I'm

1388
01:17:13,560 --> 01:17:15,760
Speaker 1: like losing in so many different areas that it's like

1389
01:17:15,880 --> 01:17:17,840
Speaker 1: I would I guess I would rather have heartbreak than

1390
01:17:17,880 --> 01:17:19,280
Speaker 1: like wake up with someone that I'm like, I don't

1391
01:17:19,280 --> 01:17:23,120
Speaker 1: really feel good about that, you know, m But it's

1392
01:17:23,160 --> 01:17:27,519
Speaker 1: just hard because it's a yeah, it's a dance. And

1393
01:17:27,520 --> 01:17:29,920
Speaker 1: and Tori, I also give you credit your twenty five.

1394
01:17:30,880 --> 01:17:33,920
Speaker 1: Like Ryan and I are both thirty seven, that's twelve

1395
01:17:34,000 --> 01:17:38,040
Speaker 1: years of life experience. And and I honestly like I

1396
01:17:38,160 --> 01:17:40,960
Speaker 1: honestly the more I hear myself talk and have this

1397
01:17:41,000 --> 01:17:44,360
Speaker 1: discussion I had, I would even put that four years

1398
01:17:44,360 --> 01:17:47,000
Speaker 1: that you discount men to even to tend for me,

1399
01:17:47,760 --> 01:17:51,360
Speaker 1: you know, like, um, like when I was in my

1400
01:17:51,439 --> 01:17:54,280
Speaker 1: mid twenties, story, I had none. I wasn't asking I

1401
01:17:54,320 --> 01:17:57,960
Speaker 1: wasn't even asking myself these questions that you're asking, Like,

1402
01:17:58,160 --> 01:18:01,160
Speaker 1: I think you're evolved in so far head at least

1403
01:18:01,200 --> 01:18:04,040
Speaker 1: just from my own journey. Like I feel I'm a

1404
01:18:04,160 --> 01:18:07,200
Speaker 1: late arrival. I'm a late arrival to everything, is how

1405
01:18:07,240 --> 01:18:12,120
Speaker 1: I feel. Truly, Yeah, I just feel that way. I

1406
01:18:12,160 --> 01:18:15,599
Speaker 1: feel like I wish I had more emotional capacity earlier

1407
01:18:15,640 --> 01:18:18,559
Speaker 1: in my life. I wish I had so many more things,

1408
01:18:18,560 --> 01:18:20,519
Speaker 1: And I see I have many friends in my life.

1409
01:18:20,680 --> 01:18:23,160
Speaker 1: Like you're twenty five, I think you're so far ahead

1410
01:18:23,160 --> 01:18:26,160
Speaker 1: of the trajectory, you know, to even be asked, to

1411
01:18:26,160 --> 01:18:28,799
Speaker 1: have the awareness to ask these questions and be seeking

1412
01:18:28,840 --> 01:18:35,280
Speaker 1: these things, um versus just like you're you're you're asking

1413
01:18:35,320 --> 01:18:38,000
Speaker 1: yourself how to offer this amazing How can I offer

1414
01:18:38,320 --> 01:18:41,920
Speaker 1: this amazing person to somebody. That's a journey you're on.

1415
01:18:41,960 --> 01:18:44,439
Speaker 1: That's why you read, That's why you're like, you want

1416
01:18:44,520 --> 01:18:46,960
Speaker 1: to know more about how to connect with somebody and

1417
01:18:47,040 --> 01:18:50,960
Speaker 1: offer a great version of yourself to somebody versus just

1418
01:18:51,000 --> 01:18:54,120
Speaker 1: saying I need somebody to fix me, like somebody or

1419
01:18:54,240 --> 01:18:57,840
Speaker 1: not to fix me, but something definitely, you know, like

1420
01:18:57,920 --> 01:19:00,640
Speaker 1: just that that intent and quoted energy it's self is

1421
01:19:00,720 --> 01:19:04,000
Speaker 1: just like your miles ahead. It took me. It took

1422
01:19:04,000 --> 01:19:10,040
Speaker 1: me decades to learn that. This whole time, truthfully, I

1423
01:19:10,120 --> 01:19:12,200
Speaker 1: thought to myself, this is probably the first time I've

1424
01:19:12,200 --> 01:19:16,719
Speaker 1: ever had I noticed this in depth and lengthy type

1425
01:19:16,720 --> 01:19:21,880
Speaker 1: of conversation with you, Tori, Like we've never so everything

1426
01:19:21,920 --> 01:19:27,360
Speaker 1: has been fairly surface level, surface level, superficial. It is

1427
01:19:27,400 --> 01:19:30,080
Speaker 1: what it is worth. That it is. That that's what

1428
01:19:30,120 --> 01:19:33,840
Speaker 1: it is. But I have been sitting standing here thinking

1429
01:19:33,840 --> 01:19:40,400
Speaker 1: to myself, like Tory is amazing, and now I'm like,

1430
01:19:40,640 --> 01:19:44,840
Speaker 1: I need to find somebody for her because she's amazing.

1431
01:19:44,960 --> 01:19:47,639
Speaker 1: Like I I like have found myself being like this

1432
01:19:47,720 --> 01:19:51,519
Speaker 1: is the type of person you would want your best

1433
01:19:51,720 --> 01:19:54,439
Speaker 1: guy friend to end up with, given all the things

1434
01:19:54,439 --> 01:19:57,160
Speaker 1: that I mean that I really do. So now I'm like,

1435
01:19:57,400 --> 01:20:01,080
Speaker 1: wheels are spending up like who I've worked with, who

1436
01:20:01,160 --> 01:20:03,880
Speaker 1: would be perfective? And all the things she wants, like

1437
01:20:03,960 --> 01:20:05,600
Speaker 1: who's not going to take her to master? I was

1438
01:20:05,680 --> 01:20:09,519
Speaker 1: like all these, but honestly I'm blown away by everything

1439
01:20:09,520 --> 01:20:13,439
Speaker 1: you said, and like to his point, how mature and

1440
01:20:13,640 --> 01:20:18,160
Speaker 1: just dynamic you are from just this conversation. So credit

1441
01:20:18,200 --> 01:20:20,160
Speaker 1: to you. Thank you. I'm going to send that clip

1442
01:20:20,200 --> 01:20:26,080
Speaker 1: to my mom and say, Mom, I'm emotually available. No,

1443
01:20:26,160 --> 01:20:36,120
Speaker 1: I really appreciate that. Um Tory, I'd like to ask

1444
01:20:36,160 --> 01:20:38,559
Speaker 1: you one And this is a hard question, but it's

1445
01:20:38,600 --> 01:20:41,760
Speaker 1: a real question, and it's I'm asking I'm asking you

1446
01:20:41,800 --> 01:20:43,640
Speaker 1: this question because I love you and I care about you.

1447
01:20:44,880 --> 01:20:49,920
Speaker 1: What is your biggest fear about opening up to somebody

1448
01:20:50,040 --> 01:20:52,360
Speaker 1: you truthfully in your heart? What is your biggest fear? Well,

1449
01:20:52,400 --> 01:20:54,760
Speaker 1: I think for me, I'm the youngest. I have three

1450
01:20:54,760 --> 01:20:59,160
Speaker 1: older siblings. Um, I always call myself like the like

1451
01:20:59,200 --> 01:21:01,439
Speaker 1: the car seat bay be so like my whole life

1452
01:21:01,439 --> 01:21:05,360
Speaker 1: I've been I've been the one people express their emotions

1453
01:21:05,360 --> 01:21:09,040
Speaker 1: like emotions too, but no one has ever really tended

1454
01:21:09,080 --> 01:21:11,000
Speaker 1: to ask me like hey, are you doing okay? Or

1455
01:21:11,040 --> 01:21:14,519
Speaker 1: like what do you want to do? So I and

1456
01:21:14,640 --> 01:21:16,920
Speaker 1: I don't resent anything, like I haven't amazed my parents

1457
01:21:16,960 --> 01:21:19,719
Speaker 1: are married, like everything's healthy. But it's just like I've realized,

1458
01:21:19,720 --> 01:21:21,960
Speaker 1: like now I'm just used to being that person where

1459
01:21:22,000 --> 01:21:24,559
Speaker 1: like the idea of being like hey, how are you

1460
01:21:24,640 --> 01:21:27,800
Speaker 1: and me giving an honest answer is like genuinely really

1461
01:21:27,840 --> 01:21:31,320
Speaker 1: hard for me. So I think my biggest fear is

1462
01:21:31,360 --> 01:21:35,040
Speaker 1: like getting into a relationship and being like I can't

1463
01:21:35,200 --> 01:21:40,160
Speaker 1: escape or like give you shallow answers, because like that's

1464
01:21:40,200 --> 01:21:42,320
Speaker 1: not how a relationship works. So having to like have

1465
01:21:42,360 --> 01:21:45,439
Speaker 1: somebody fully entern and do life with me is like

1466
01:21:45,600 --> 01:21:50,960
Speaker 1: a huge jump off the cliff that I would have

1467
01:21:51,000 --> 01:21:54,960
Speaker 1: to take with that person two that I've never done

1468
01:21:55,000 --> 01:21:58,519
Speaker 1: honestly with like anyone. And then I have a fear

1469
01:21:59,000 --> 01:22:00,680
Speaker 1: that like as soon as people get close to me,

1470
01:22:00,800 --> 01:22:03,519
Speaker 1: like they just want to leave. So it's like and

1471
01:22:03,560 --> 01:22:05,200
Speaker 1: I think that might come from me moving at a

1472
01:22:05,240 --> 01:22:07,400
Speaker 1: young age, like that was so scarring because I came

1473
01:22:07,400 --> 01:22:09,479
Speaker 1: from a small town and like moving to Orange County

1474
01:22:09,520 --> 01:22:13,360
Speaker 1: and then like not feeling enough or or being good enough,

1475
01:22:13,479 --> 01:22:15,960
Speaker 1: you know, and in like l A you have like

1476
01:22:16,040 --> 01:22:19,599
Speaker 1: Instagram models and YadA YadA YadA. Like there's just there's

1477
01:22:19,600 --> 01:22:24,439
Speaker 1: a fear of like being fully vulnerable and like having

1478
01:22:24,560 --> 01:22:28,360
Speaker 1: someone have to like almost deal with me scares me.

1479
01:22:29,479 --> 01:22:32,360
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. One, I just want to say thank you

1480
01:22:32,400 --> 01:22:36,960
Speaker 1: for sharing um, because that's part of it right there.

1481
01:22:37,000 --> 01:22:39,840
Speaker 1: You opened up to me, You open up and ship

1482
01:22:40,080 --> 01:22:43,080
Speaker 1: to me. And and the fact that you one are

1483
01:22:43,120 --> 01:22:48,920
Speaker 1: aware of your biggest fears and two are willing to

1484
01:22:49,000 --> 01:22:53,200
Speaker 1: share them, that's a wonderful blessing. That's the first step

1485
01:22:53,240 --> 01:22:58,679
Speaker 1: in the right direction. UM. I'd be interested to unpacked

1486
01:22:58,840 --> 01:23:00,800
Speaker 1: We don't have to do it today, but like be

1487
01:23:00,880 --> 01:23:05,120
Speaker 1: interested to unpack any of that childhood stuff that you referenced,

1488
01:23:05,120 --> 01:23:06,840
Speaker 1: any of the family stuff that you rest with your

1489
01:23:06,840 --> 01:23:12,280
Speaker 1: reference because I think of shapes us. You know, it's shapes.

1490
01:23:12,760 --> 01:23:15,040
Speaker 1: It shapes our perspective of the world. It shapes how

1491
01:23:15,120 --> 01:23:20,559
Speaker 1: we we think people perceive us. Its shapes aspects in

1492
01:23:20,560 --> 01:23:23,439
Speaker 1: our life. UM. And so it'd be interesting to dive

1493
01:23:23,479 --> 01:23:28,160
Speaker 1: into that stuff further. But I acknowledge you for sharing that.

1494
01:23:28,360 --> 01:23:32,920
Speaker 1: And it's very true what you said is, Um, you

1495
01:23:33,000 --> 01:23:35,799
Speaker 1: will truthfully, to be honest with you, you will be challenged,

1496
01:23:35,840 --> 01:23:39,080
Speaker 1: because I have fallen in love truthfully in my life.

1497
01:23:39,479 --> 01:23:43,800
Speaker 1: You will be challenged to step off a cliff that

1498
01:23:43,960 --> 01:23:49,000
Speaker 1: you are scared of, that that you that is uncomfortable

1499
01:23:49,040 --> 01:23:52,559
Speaker 1: to you, That is fearful. UM. And you also know

1500
01:23:52,680 --> 01:23:55,439
Speaker 1: that along that road that there's life isn't gonna be perfect.

1501
01:23:55,479 --> 01:23:59,720
Speaker 1: There's gonna be bumps and bruises and hurt in there. Um,

1502
01:24:00,000 --> 01:24:02,519
Speaker 1: that is going to come there. I don't believe that

1503
01:24:02,560 --> 01:24:06,800
Speaker 1: there's ever been a relationship where where both partners have

1504
01:24:06,880 --> 01:24:10,480
Speaker 1: never been hurt by the other. We're not perfect beings,

1505
01:24:10,600 --> 01:24:12,200
Speaker 1: right as much as we want to be, we're not

1506
01:24:12,320 --> 01:24:17,040
Speaker 1: perfect beings. And our actions will sometimes unintentionally or intentionally

1507
01:24:17,120 --> 01:24:21,240
Speaker 1: hurt the person we love. That's just truth, um. And

1508
01:24:21,320 --> 01:24:24,439
Speaker 1: so you will have to have the courage at some

1509
01:24:24,520 --> 01:24:27,200
Speaker 1: point in your life to take that step, to maybe

1510
01:24:27,240 --> 01:24:31,320
Speaker 1: even blindly take that step, um, and somebody will have

1511
01:24:31,360 --> 01:24:34,720
Speaker 1: to have the same courage with you. But the the

1512
01:24:34,800 --> 01:24:38,519
Speaker 1: alternative is you never take that step. You always wonder

1513
01:24:38,600 --> 01:24:41,679
Speaker 1: what that step would be like, and you live alone

1514
01:24:41,800 --> 01:24:46,360
Speaker 1: and lonely. So so what is the greater fear? Then?

1515
01:24:47,280 --> 01:24:49,400
Speaker 1: My fear was like, Wow, if I don't if I

1516
01:24:49,439 --> 01:24:51,960
Speaker 1: don't commit some time and open up my heart and

1517
01:24:52,000 --> 01:24:55,519
Speaker 1: really like get out of being just a hoggy soldier,

1518
01:24:56,479 --> 01:24:59,920
Speaker 1: like I'm going to live an unfulfilled and and love

1519
01:25:00,000 --> 01:25:03,720
Speaker 1: of the list life, you know, like I my my

1520
01:25:03,800 --> 01:25:05,960
Speaker 1: greatest I've said this on the podcast a million times

1521
01:25:05,960 --> 01:25:08,479
Speaker 1: for listeners of my greatest joy and desire in life

1522
01:25:08,560 --> 01:25:10,719
Speaker 1: is to be a loving husband, loving father and friend.

1523
01:25:11,320 --> 01:25:14,080
Speaker 1: Those are the great fulfillments and joys I could ever

1524
01:25:14,160 --> 01:25:17,920
Speaker 1: imagine in my life. But my daily actions weren't congruent

1525
01:25:18,000 --> 01:25:20,720
Speaker 1: with that. My daily actions were all about hockey, all

1526
01:25:20,760 --> 01:25:25,680
Speaker 1: about sport, all about commitment, zero about personal. So I

1527
01:25:25,720 --> 01:25:27,720
Speaker 1: had to learn and adjust that, and then I had

1528
01:25:27,760 --> 01:25:30,519
Speaker 1: to take a step in that direction and really bring

1529
01:25:30,600 --> 01:25:33,160
Speaker 1: that to the forefront. That was my compass point then

1530
01:25:33,160 --> 01:25:37,120
Speaker 1: in my life. Um, and it's scary, trust me, it's scary.

1531
01:25:37,160 --> 01:25:39,160
Speaker 1: But the fact that you're aware of it, you can

1532
01:25:39,240 --> 01:25:42,559
Speaker 1: start inching towards that cliff. You know, the fact that

1533
01:25:42,600 --> 01:25:45,559
Speaker 1: you're reading, you can inch towards it. The people you meet.

1534
01:25:45,640 --> 01:25:48,800
Speaker 1: I even changed my language, even when you ask you

1535
01:25:48,880 --> 01:25:51,200
Speaker 1: meet somebody, I even changed my language said saying, hey,

1536
01:25:51,200 --> 01:25:54,559
Speaker 1: how are you that's such a general vanilla question. I

1537
01:25:54,640 --> 01:25:59,599
Speaker 1: even ask people like how's your heart? That's a different

1538
01:25:59,640 --> 01:26:03,719
Speaker 1: like is your heart happy? And then you'll see people

1539
01:26:04,120 --> 01:26:06,200
Speaker 1: react in a different way. And now and now you're

1540
01:26:06,200 --> 01:26:09,840
Speaker 1: penetrating your your intent is actually I'm I'm diving into

1541
01:26:09,880 --> 01:26:12,760
Speaker 1: this person's journey. I'm getting to know this person, and

1542
01:26:12,800 --> 01:26:15,800
Speaker 1: that's me diving into them. And I hope they recognize that,

1543
01:26:16,520 --> 01:26:20,360
Speaker 1: you know, Um, so I changed the language that I

1544
01:26:20,439 --> 01:26:23,240
Speaker 1: used because I wanted the intent with this connection to

1545
01:26:23,280 --> 01:26:26,320
Speaker 1: be different than just hey, how are you today? I'm good?

1546
01:26:26,360 --> 01:26:31,679
Speaker 1: How are you? Standard answer? Nothing changes, right, but hey, Tori,

1547
01:26:31,760 --> 01:26:35,160
Speaker 1: how's your heart? Is your heart happy today? Yeah? No?

1548
01:26:36,080 --> 01:26:41,720
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. I wish we were in the sam having

1549
01:26:41,720 --> 01:26:44,600
Speaker 1: this discussion. I wish we were doing because you know,

1550
01:26:44,680 --> 01:26:48,240
Speaker 1: I'm such a Tory fan. I love you dearly um,

1551
01:26:48,280 --> 01:26:50,519
Speaker 1: And I'm thinking I'm racking my brain the same to

1552
01:26:50,600 --> 01:26:54,720
Speaker 1: think I had somebody. Both guys were married, and I'm

1553
01:26:54,720 --> 01:26:57,240
Speaker 1: trying to wrap my brain of like who do I

1554
01:26:57,360 --> 01:27:00,600
Speaker 1: know that I would that I would respect enough to

1555
01:27:00,760 --> 01:27:04,559
Speaker 1: set them up on a date with you? Yeah, I

1556
01:27:04,600 --> 01:27:09,000
Speaker 1: know it's no for sure, And like that has been

1557
01:27:09,040 --> 01:27:11,160
Speaker 1: something that I've kind of started to take the step

1558
01:27:11,200 --> 01:27:15,680
Speaker 1: forward more in is like asking people like, hey, if

1559
01:27:15,720 --> 01:27:18,360
Speaker 1: you know of anyone like I genuinely want to push

1560
01:27:18,360 --> 01:27:20,479
Speaker 1: myself more. And again it's just like in quarantine. So

1561
01:27:20,520 --> 01:27:22,479
Speaker 1: it's like that's also really hard because I'm not able

1562
01:27:22,520 --> 01:27:24,640
Speaker 1: to go to the bars and like meet someone and

1563
01:27:24,680 --> 01:27:28,519
Speaker 1: at least like have a quick drink with some random

1564
01:27:28,560 --> 01:27:30,120
Speaker 1: person at the bar who buys you drink. You know what,

1565
01:27:30,200 --> 01:27:32,000
Speaker 1: I mean, like there's not even that interaction. So now

1566
01:27:32,160 --> 01:27:35,200
Speaker 1: like how to really like voice, hey, like I do

1567
01:27:35,560 --> 01:27:38,080
Speaker 1: desire this, and like do you know of anyone that

1568
01:27:38,200 --> 01:27:43,519
Speaker 1: like would be interested? And like I mean, which is

1569
01:27:43,560 --> 01:27:45,680
Speaker 1: also really hard for me because I just am not

1570
01:27:45,720 --> 01:27:49,240
Speaker 1: someone who admits to that. Also, someone being like, hey,

1571
01:27:49,240 --> 01:27:51,360
Speaker 1: like I am lonely, Like that is showing an emotion

1572
01:27:51,400 --> 01:27:54,040
Speaker 1: that I feel like shaman, because I don't think you

1573
01:27:54,080 --> 01:27:57,479
Speaker 1: should feel lonely just because you're not with someone. Um,

1574
01:27:58,120 --> 01:28:02,200
Speaker 1: But again, that's okay, only right, It's okay. It's okay

1575
01:28:02,200 --> 01:28:04,920
Speaker 1: to say you feel lonely, like to yearn for a

1576
01:28:04,960 --> 01:28:07,800
Speaker 1: stronger connection, that's okay. I think that's healthy to acknowledge

1577
01:28:07,800 --> 01:28:10,679
Speaker 1: it versus deny it and say no, I'm fine, totally

1578
01:28:10,920 --> 01:28:14,160
Speaker 1: totally and again into something that like I have to

1579
01:28:14,200 --> 01:28:16,200
Speaker 1: process through and like why do I feel shame if

1580
01:28:16,240 --> 01:28:19,559
Speaker 1: I'm If I'm genuinely lonely, you know, and it's all deeper.

1581
01:28:19,600 --> 01:28:21,880
Speaker 1: But that's definitely something that like I've been taking a

1582
01:28:21,920 --> 01:28:25,639
Speaker 1: step forward into of just being like, okay, like ask

1583
01:28:25,760 --> 01:28:29,000
Speaker 1: people for help because I'm not totally Sometimes that person

1584
01:28:29,040 --> 01:28:32,120
Speaker 1: who could be like, hey, can you help me find someone?

1585
01:28:33,479 --> 01:28:37,479
Speaker 1: Have you done any like Zoom or FaceTime dating during No,

1586
01:28:38,320 --> 01:28:42,559
Speaker 1: I'm not on any dating apps, which you know, I

1587
01:28:42,680 --> 01:28:45,160
Speaker 1: just like genuinely don't really want to be on a

1588
01:28:45,240 --> 01:28:47,280
Speaker 1: dating app. But I have thought of, like maybe it's

1589
01:28:47,320 --> 01:28:49,040
Speaker 1: smart for me just to go on and like push

1590
01:28:49,080 --> 01:28:52,599
Speaker 1: myself to meet people and like see what's out there.

1591
01:28:52,640 --> 01:28:55,040
Speaker 1: But I don't know. I'm a huge advocate of dating

1592
01:28:55,040 --> 01:28:56,960
Speaker 1: apps to my friends, like I'm lonely, I'm like, let's

1593
01:28:57,080 --> 01:28:59,400
Speaker 1: let's set you up a hinge, let's get a bumble going,

1594
01:28:59,479 --> 01:29:02,080
Speaker 1: let's do it. But when it comes to me, I'm like, no,

1595
01:29:04,080 --> 01:29:08,759
Speaker 1: So I don't know. Maybe I'll challenge you in that direction,

1596
01:29:08,800 --> 01:29:10,519
Speaker 1: and you and I next time we get see each other,

1597
01:29:10,560 --> 01:29:14,439
Speaker 1: we'll set you up or we'll just even FaceTime. But

1598
01:29:14,520 --> 01:29:17,599
Speaker 1: I think, like I think, like right now, if you

1599
01:29:17,680 --> 01:29:19,679
Speaker 1: can't or if you aren't able to go on dates,

1600
01:29:20,000 --> 01:29:21,640
Speaker 1: I mean you could meet out for a walk or

1601
01:29:21,680 --> 01:29:24,000
Speaker 1: something and stay six ft apart so you at least

1602
01:29:24,000 --> 01:29:26,959
Speaker 1: see somebody, um, But also like I think a FaceTime

1603
01:29:27,040 --> 01:29:30,320
Speaker 1: or a Zoom call, like hey, would you mind spending

1604
01:29:30,320 --> 01:29:32,120
Speaker 1: twenty minutes with me? And like I'd love to jump

1605
01:29:32,240 --> 01:29:34,479
Speaker 1: just share some energy and just see if we vibe

1606
01:29:34,479 --> 01:29:37,160
Speaker 1: and we chat whatever, And um, I think that would

1607
01:29:37,160 --> 01:29:40,479
Speaker 1: be super fun. Yeah, No, definitely, No, definitely, And I

1608
01:29:40,520 --> 01:29:43,040
Speaker 1: do agree. It's just like the fact that half the

1609
01:29:43,080 --> 01:29:48,080
Speaker 1: world is indoors is like a challenge that we've never

1610
01:29:48,160 --> 01:29:51,600
Speaker 1: faced before. So just trying to that and being my

1611
01:29:51,600 --> 01:29:55,599
Speaker 1: mid twenties, I get that. But I do appreciate everyone.

1612
01:29:55,720 --> 01:29:57,639
Speaker 1: You know, I think it's good for me to hear

1613
01:29:59,080 --> 01:30:02,599
Speaker 1: where men's perspect device and hearing like intimidation and all

1614
01:30:02,640 --> 01:30:04,160
Speaker 1: these things, because I think that a lot of women

1615
01:30:04,200 --> 01:30:06,200
Speaker 1: hit their mid twenties or thirties of being told a

1616
01:30:06,200 --> 01:30:08,960
Speaker 1: million things. So I appreciate you guys giving very honest

1617
01:30:09,000 --> 01:30:11,240
Speaker 1: answers on like what it means to be intimidating or

1618
01:30:12,280 --> 01:30:15,680
Speaker 1: you know, the whole date scenario, and so thank you

1619
01:30:15,720 --> 01:30:19,640
Speaker 1: for Yeah, and I would you're a very You're an

1620
01:30:19,680 --> 01:30:24,679
Speaker 1: incredibly successful young woman. Never ever ever ever feel bad

1621
01:30:24,720 --> 01:30:28,320
Speaker 1: for that. Never ever make a man, or let it

1622
01:30:28,479 --> 01:30:32,000
Speaker 1: not make a man or have a man, um make

1623
01:30:32,040 --> 01:30:35,439
Speaker 1: you feel guilty or anything for that. You've earned all

1624
01:30:35,479 --> 01:30:38,759
Speaker 1: of your success and you have amazing career and potential

1625
01:30:38,800 --> 01:30:41,400
Speaker 1: ahead of you. Um, and I would say that for

1626
01:30:41,439 --> 01:30:43,800
Speaker 1: every woman. I'd say that for every man to no

1627
01:30:43,840 --> 01:30:46,120
Speaker 1: man should ever make to feel bad about his success

1628
01:30:46,280 --> 01:30:50,080
Speaker 1: from a woman. You've earned everything you've got, and I

1629
01:30:50,120 --> 01:30:53,040
Speaker 1: think for the right person for you, that drive, As

1630
01:30:53,120 --> 01:30:57,439
Speaker 1: Ryan said, that drive is attractive, That drive is a pole.

1631
01:30:58,400 --> 01:31:01,439
Speaker 1: Maybe some men want something get friend. Maybe some men

1632
01:31:01,560 --> 01:31:03,840
Speaker 1: just want like a stay at home wife or something

1633
01:31:04,120 --> 01:31:06,800
Speaker 1: to each their own right. Everybody can have their own preferences.

1634
01:31:06,840 --> 01:31:13,400
Speaker 1: But you are extremely um successful, extremely attractive, um, you

1635
01:31:13,439 --> 01:31:17,719
Speaker 1: have an extremely beautiful heart. I am dying to set

1636
01:31:17,720 --> 01:31:21,200
Speaker 1: you up. And I always loved, always loved to see you.

1637
01:31:21,240 --> 01:31:23,680
Speaker 1: Every time I see you, I just like you have

1638
01:31:23,760 --> 01:31:27,240
Speaker 1: the biggest smile in the room, and he and I

1639
01:31:27,360 --> 01:31:30,280
Speaker 1: like so any any How, men think listeners, any guys

1640
01:31:30,280 --> 01:31:32,519
Speaker 1: out there that are interested in the date with Tori

1641
01:31:35,240 --> 01:31:38,840
Speaker 1: on a virtual date? Send me a message on my

1642
01:31:39,000 --> 01:31:44,120
Speaker 1: Instagram and or how men think group on Instagram a

1643
01:31:44,200 --> 01:31:47,120
Speaker 1: message Tori, would you be open to a virtual date

1644
01:31:47,200 --> 01:31:49,920
Speaker 1: from a member of our community? Listen? I hear every

1645
01:31:50,000 --> 01:31:53,240
Speaker 1: romance starts with a good DM. What would you be

1646
01:31:53,360 --> 01:31:59,720
Speaker 1: open if I shared it on my social Really, I'm

1647
01:31:59,760 --> 01:32:02,639
Speaker 1: here push myself. That's it's every girl in their mid twenties.

1648
01:32:02,800 --> 01:32:04,360
Speaker 1: We all need to start reading our d ms. We

1649
01:32:04,400 --> 01:32:08,680
Speaker 1: need to be more open. I'm open, Tori. I love this.

1650
01:32:08,840 --> 01:32:11,200
Speaker 1: I would I would guess that you were gonna say, no,

1651
01:32:11,280 --> 01:32:16,280
Speaker 1: I'm not open for that. Um, okay, can you text

1652
01:32:16,320 --> 01:32:22,840
Speaker 1: me a photo that you really love? God? Yeah, I

1653
01:32:22,880 --> 01:32:25,400
Speaker 1: will just share. I will just share you as an

1654
01:32:25,439 --> 01:32:30,000
Speaker 1: individual to my community in my world, and and we'll

1655
01:32:30,000 --> 01:32:34,920
Speaker 1: go fishing. Let's go fishing. I love it. I love

1656
01:32:34,920 --> 01:32:37,400
Speaker 1: your openness. Though. I'll say that you're way more open

1657
01:32:37,400 --> 01:32:41,280
Speaker 1: than I was at that age. You know, desperate times, Brooks,

1658
01:32:41,439 --> 01:32:46,519
Speaker 1: desperate times. No, I'm excited for you. I don't know.

1659
01:32:46,560 --> 01:32:48,560
Speaker 1: I even just excited I get to witness and be

1660
01:32:48,640 --> 01:32:53,320
Speaker 1: part of your journey. Um. And yeah, and I just

1661
01:32:53,400 --> 01:32:57,439
Speaker 1: think like it's also as a guy, like when I'm

1662
01:32:57,479 --> 01:33:00,600
Speaker 1: racking my brain of people that I would love or

1663
01:33:00,640 --> 01:33:05,960
Speaker 1: that I first off know that are single. Um, it's

1664
01:33:06,000 --> 01:33:09,040
Speaker 1: also like you are such a person of integrity and

1665
01:33:09,080 --> 01:33:12,600
Speaker 1: moral fabric and I respect you so much. I'm like, no,

1666
01:33:12,880 --> 01:33:18,719
Speaker 1: not that guy, this guy. No, Like No, it's hard.

1667
01:33:19,000 --> 01:33:21,280
Speaker 1: It's tough when you start eliminating things like even high

1668
01:33:21,400 --> 01:33:24,240
Speaker 1: and like, okay, there goes half the population. Then like

1669
01:33:24,600 --> 01:33:27,120
Speaker 1: my faith means a lot to me, there goes another half,

1670
01:33:27,360 --> 01:33:30,040
Speaker 1: Like it does make things very difficult. But it's something

1671
01:33:30,120 --> 01:33:32,519
Speaker 1: like there are some things that I just can't compromise on.

1672
01:33:32,640 --> 01:33:36,439
Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, I get it for sure. Never settle,

1673
01:33:37,920 --> 01:33:40,759
Speaker 1: never settled. So Tori, you will get me a photo

1674
01:33:40,880 --> 01:33:44,320
Speaker 1: that you or a carousel even multiples, or we can

1675
01:33:44,360 --> 01:33:47,640
Speaker 1: take of photos that you're really proud of and that

1676
01:33:47,720 --> 01:33:49,960
Speaker 1: you really like and I will share it with my

1677
01:33:50,000 --> 01:33:54,160
Speaker 1: community and any man in my community. Um, are you

1678
01:33:54,200 --> 01:33:57,920
Speaker 1: looking for a man? Let's just clarify that. Okay, look

1679
01:33:58,000 --> 01:34:01,600
Speaker 1: for a man. So any man in Mike Unity that

1680
01:34:01,600 --> 01:34:04,800
Speaker 1: that would like to get to know you further may

1681
01:34:04,840 --> 01:34:10,479
Speaker 1: be interested in call or a FaceTime call. Um, please

1682
01:34:10,520 --> 01:34:12,519
Speaker 1: reach out to me on my Instagram. Also, I'll say this,

1683
01:34:12,840 --> 01:34:16,920
Speaker 1: I have a friend who is now married, UM that

1684
01:34:17,520 --> 01:34:20,600
Speaker 1: to a girl and they met at one of my barbecues.

1685
01:34:21,240 --> 01:34:24,400
Speaker 1: Um when I was living back home in Regina and

1686
01:34:24,400 --> 01:34:26,840
Speaker 1: Saskatchewan in the summer in the off season, I used

1687
01:34:26,880 --> 01:34:31,360
Speaker 1: to have these like kind of community barbecues and invite friends, Hey,

1688
01:34:31,360 --> 01:34:34,200
Speaker 1: come over on Saturday, We're gonna barbecue. Just welcome everybody.

1689
01:34:34,320 --> 01:34:36,920
Speaker 1: And two people met one of my barbecues and got married.

1690
01:34:37,200 --> 01:34:39,040
Speaker 1: And it's one of my proudest things that I was

1691
01:34:39,080 --> 01:34:42,360
Speaker 1: able to bring people together and it feels so good.

1692
01:34:43,280 --> 01:34:48,240
Speaker 1: People found their life partners from that. So if I

1693
01:34:48,240 --> 01:34:50,800
Speaker 1: can in any way, I always try and open my

1694
01:34:50,840 --> 01:34:53,000
Speaker 1: home and open my heart and open my community to

1695
01:34:53,200 --> 01:34:56,720
Speaker 1: make anything happen. And Tori, you mean so much to me.

1696
01:34:56,760 --> 01:34:59,360
Speaker 1: I'd love to do this for you and with you

1697
01:34:59,520 --> 01:35:04,599
Speaker 1: so UM. From one thirst trap to the next set

1698
01:35:04,640 --> 01:35:08,599
Speaker 1: up date, blind dates, here we go. We're just helping

1699
01:35:08,600 --> 01:35:19,160
Speaker 1: each other out. Are you gonna go a first trap photo? Well, Tory,

1700
01:35:19,200 --> 01:35:20,439
Speaker 1: I want to commend you. I just want to say

1701
01:35:20,439 --> 01:35:25,559
Speaker 1: thank you, um for for opening your heart, for taking

1702
01:35:25,560 --> 01:35:28,120
Speaker 1: that step forward for because this is a this is

1703
01:35:28,160 --> 01:35:30,479
Speaker 1: a vulnerable discussion, this is real, These are your emotions,

1704
01:35:30,479 --> 01:35:33,320
Speaker 1: this is your life. You know where you invest your heart,

1705
01:35:33,360 --> 01:35:36,240
Speaker 1: you invest your life, and you've opened that to us today.

1706
01:35:36,479 --> 01:35:38,960
Speaker 1: And I think many of our listeners can hear themselves

1707
01:35:38,960 --> 01:35:42,799
Speaker 1: and see themselves in your story. UM, for our listeners,

1708
01:35:42,800 --> 01:35:45,080
Speaker 1: for our male listeners that have been intrigued by this

1709
01:35:45,240 --> 01:35:47,679
Speaker 1: right now, where could they reach out to you directly,

1710
01:35:48,600 --> 01:35:53,000
Speaker 1: young lady? I guess my instagram. UM, my middle name

1711
01:35:53,040 --> 01:35:55,640
Speaker 1: is Bell, so tour Bell t O R R B

1712
01:35:55,800 --> 01:36:00,280
Speaker 1: E L l E beautiful Okay Tour bell and you're

1713
01:36:00,280 --> 01:36:02,960
Speaker 1: about to be Also, I'm gonna put it out on

1714
01:36:03,000 --> 01:36:05,920
Speaker 1: my Instagram. Um, so when you see that, come out,

1715
01:36:06,080 --> 01:36:09,479
Speaker 1: and then I'll just forward you. I'll go through. I'll

1716
01:36:09,479 --> 01:36:13,760
Speaker 1: be called through like punk punk, punk punk. This guy's

1717
01:36:13,800 --> 01:36:16,000
Speaker 1: a good one, So I'll call through and I'll send

1718
01:36:16,040 --> 01:36:19,560
Speaker 1: you the best. Well, I think we'll have to do

1719
01:36:19,600 --> 01:36:23,000
Speaker 1: a follow up to this show. Well hopefully the follow

1720
01:36:23,080 --> 01:36:25,400
Speaker 1: up will have good responses. You never know, this girl

1721
01:36:25,479 --> 01:36:32,200
Speaker 1: might be crying or we might be happy. Hey, following up. Um, sorry,

1722
01:36:32,240 --> 01:36:34,160
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Thank you to everybody that's listened

1723
01:36:34,360 --> 01:36:37,519
Speaker 1: and shared in Tori's story and in our story to

1724
01:36:37,560 --> 01:36:39,920
Speaker 1: our community. Also, I want to thank all of our

1725
01:36:40,400 --> 01:36:43,200
Speaker 1: listeners that reached out to me yesterday on my birthday

1726
01:36:43,240 --> 01:36:46,280
Speaker 1: and sent me beautiful warm birthday wishes. So I had

1727
01:36:46,280 --> 01:36:48,519
Speaker 1: so many people say I love the podcast. I've got

1728
01:36:48,520 --> 01:36:51,080
Speaker 1: to know and you know you through the podcast listen

1729
01:36:51,120 --> 01:36:52,920
Speaker 1: every week. So I just want to say thank you

1730
01:36:52,960 --> 01:36:56,559
Speaker 1: to everybody. Tory any last words for just thanks for

1731
01:36:56,600 --> 01:36:59,840
Speaker 1: the honesty and keep bringing it because this actually, really

1732
01:37:00,000 --> 01:37:01,880
Speaker 1: I hope helped a lot of the mid twenties that

1733
01:37:01,880 --> 01:37:06,519
Speaker 1: are just struggling right now. Okay, see okay, life's and journey,

1734
01:37:06,640 --> 01:37:09,280
Speaker 1: lifes of dance. We're about to find out. Tor Bell

1735
01:37:09,600 --> 01:37:12,880
Speaker 1: in your way, everybody. Thanks for working again today until

1736
01:37:12,960 --> 01:37:15,400
Speaker 1: next week. Take care of one another, love one another,

1737
01:37:15,840 --> 01:37:17,800
Speaker 1: and send Tory Bell ds