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Speaker 1: Welcome guys to another new episode of You Need Therapy Podcast.

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Speaker 1: My name is Kat and I am sitting here with

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Speaker 1: my friend Amy Hey, and I'm laughing because in full

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Speaker 1: was it full transparency or full disclosure? Which one is

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Speaker 1: that I'm supposed to be using either transparency? Just give

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Speaker 1: you some backstories. Story of the last couple of hours

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Speaker 1: that we've just had is we just recorded an hour

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Speaker 1: long episode right now. It was fifty nine minutes and

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Speaker 1: it was really good, right yeah, But for whatever reason,

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Speaker 1: it was not in God's will because as um it

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Speaker 1: was being saved, it also deleted itself. My computer just

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Speaker 1: said Adobe, which is what we were recording in where

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Speaker 1: at my house crashed and what I liked, report the crash,

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Speaker 1: And I thought, well, this is a pop up I've

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Speaker 1: never seen before. So whether I reported the crash or not,

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Speaker 1: I don't know which button would have mattered, but I

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Speaker 1: opted not to report the crash. But either way, I

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Speaker 1: think it was going to take me out of the

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Speaker 1: folder and the file was gone. And then got on

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Speaker 1: the phone with an engineer that works in California and

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Speaker 1: he screen shared and he probably worked on it for

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Speaker 1: another fifteen minutes while we sat here and waited, and

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Speaker 1: then we just gave up. And now we're recording again.

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Speaker 1: We can't even re No, we can't redo what we did.

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Speaker 1: Maybe one day we need to give it some space

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Speaker 1: and then we can do it again. But if we

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Speaker 1: read it wanted a touching subject into and we redid

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Speaker 1: that same episode right now, it would just be inauthentic.

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Speaker 1: Like we would try to tell the same stories they would.

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Speaker 1: We wouldn't have authentic responses. It wouldn't hit the same Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we're just two real girls. We aren't really well. I

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Speaker 1: was gonna say, I'm not going to acting, but you

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Speaker 1: are going to be in a movie. So but I'm

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Speaker 1: not good at acting. And that's still the juries out

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Speaker 1: on that. But I think that it's a good time

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Speaker 1: to practice. What happened when you joined me on my

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Speaker 1: four Things podcast with that we did with Donald Miller,

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Speaker 1: and he taught us what does this make possible when

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Speaker 1: things go wrong? So that is what we have applied

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Speaker 1: to this situation, and what it has made possible is

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Speaker 1: you are getting this episode about what to do when

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Speaker 1: things go wrong. And the cat had googled something about

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Speaker 1: what people say when things go wrong, and the best

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Speaker 1: things to say when things go wrong, right. But something

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Speaker 1: that people often say that I don't know is the

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Speaker 1: best thing to say is what I said a minute ago,

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Speaker 1: which is, well, it just wasn't God's will. It's like, okay,

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Speaker 1: not helping, not helping, not helping. But that was so funny.

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Speaker 1: Clearly that episode that we recorded was not cause for

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Speaker 1: you to hear, because if you were supposed to hear

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Speaker 1: it, it it would not have been deleted. And you taught

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Speaker 1: me that A long time ago, like maybe a year

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Speaker 1: and a half ago. I recorded an episode with my

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Speaker 1: friend Anne Marie, and I was cleaning my desktop and

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Speaker 1: I accident I did it myself. My computer didn't crash.

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Speaker 1: I literally clicked delete and got rid of it thinking

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Speaker 1: it was a different file, and so the episode was gone,

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Speaker 1: like goodbye. Could not use it. So what did I

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Speaker 1: teach you? You said, I all. I texted you because

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Speaker 1: I was so frustrated, and I felt really guilty because

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Speaker 1: my friend drove to my office, sat in my office

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Speaker 1: for hours we talked the episode. I feel right now

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Speaker 1: for you because this is your podcast and I just

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Speaker 1: completely messed it up. But you didn't do it on purpose.

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Speaker 1: I didn't adobe did it. Yeah, so you would know

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Speaker 1: I did it. I just wasn't paying attention. So I

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Speaker 1: felt really guilty. And you said what I always tell

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Speaker 1: myself when that kind of stuff happens, is it wasn't

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Speaker 1: meant to be heard, or I can do it better.

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Speaker 1: I'm glad I gave you that advice, and I'm giving

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Speaker 1: you there. There are some episodes that I do that

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Speaker 1: I put up that I wish they would have accidentally

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Speaker 1: been deleted, and I'm like, well, I guess somebody needed

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Speaker 1: to hear that. I will say I have before been like, oh,

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Speaker 1: it deleted, and it didn't because I didn't like the

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Speaker 1: interview or the recording. Not hers, though, yeah, not hers,

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Speaker 1: I'm saying of other people. For yourself. Yes, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh sorry, but hers. And she was very gracious and

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Speaker 1: we read it, and honestly, when we did the second time,

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Speaker 1: it was so much better because she had more of

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Speaker 1: an awareness of what she was going to talk about,

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Speaker 1: what was important. And recently I did an episode with

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Speaker 1: friends and I messed up the audio and they had

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Speaker 1: to redo it, and it always does end up better.

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Speaker 1: So I'm just saying that of look out for our

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Speaker 1: episode on Red Flags in the future because it's gonna

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Speaker 1: it's gonna be really freaking good. It's about red flags,

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Speaker 1: yellow flags, and green flags in a relationship, mostly focusing

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Speaker 1: on dating, but just for those of you out there

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Speaker 1: that are dating, but you could apply these flags and

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Speaker 1: our personal opinions of them cats the expert in friendships

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Speaker 1: or as if you're exploring work employment, who you want

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Speaker 1: to work with? Um? But I thought, since we have

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Speaker 1: the time, we I want to talk a little bit.

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Speaker 1: Because we did that episode with Donald where he talked

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Speaker 1: about his book here on a mission. We talked about

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Speaker 1: the different roles we play in the characters we play

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Speaker 1: in our lives, and the conversation we had on your

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Speaker 1: podcast was how to be the hero in your life?

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Speaker 1: Like how to act as a hero not so much

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Speaker 1: as a victim. And that's where he gave us those

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Speaker 1: questions one, what does this make possible? Into? What big

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Speaker 1: thing is this preparing me for? Which isn't really good?

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Speaker 1: And I talked about those two questions on another episode.

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Speaker 1: But as I was sitting here being like, well, what

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Speaker 1: are we gonna do now? Because also backstory, the reason

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Speaker 1: I'm even here tonight is because my interview for this

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Speaker 1: week got rescheduled, so I was thing is I texted

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Speaker 1: you earlier than I wanted to do this episode with you,

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Speaker 1: but then I was like, we have to do it

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Speaker 1: today because I need an EPISO, so now, so I

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Speaker 1: really need to ask myself. I could be like, oh,

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Speaker 1: the world is so hard, like bad things just keep

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Speaker 1: happening to me, Like, no, the world just preparing you

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Speaker 1: for something exactly. So what big thing is the world

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Speaker 1: preparing me? I don't know, but it's preparing me for

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Speaker 1: something too. I can't wait. Yeah, and we don't know

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Speaker 1: what it is. We just get to be excited. But

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Speaker 1: I was googling over here that was I was like,

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Speaker 1: what am I going to do? And I was just

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Speaker 1: googling things like what do you do? And what what

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Speaker 1: should you do when shitty things happen? Which as a

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Speaker 1: therapistic shouldn't have to google that, but I did, And

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Speaker 1: a couple of things came up that I want to

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Speaker 1: talk about. One this quote by unknown So if we

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Speaker 1: wanted to take credit for it, we could, but we're

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Speaker 1: not going to. Um And says we all have problems.

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Speaker 1: It's the way we solve them that makes us different. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And I really like that because I could be the

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Speaker 1: kind of person who's like, oh, well, you know what

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Speaker 1: that happened. This happened. It wasn't what I was planning.

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Speaker 1: And so now I'm just going to like use an

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Speaker 1: old episode, or we're gonna, um, I'm gonna sit in

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Speaker 1: sulk and I'm not going to put anything out. Or

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Speaker 1: I could take the stance and say, okay, well what

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Speaker 1: does this make possible? Really, and it makes possible an

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Speaker 1: episode that we were never planning to put out, which

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Speaker 1: is this one. And then I googled or I clicked

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Speaker 1: on one of these articles and this comes from pop Sugar,

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Speaker 1: and this is an article from and the title of

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Speaker 1: it was, to us sixteen was a literal piece of ship.

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Speaker 1: Here's how to move on and make it better next year,

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Speaker 1: which I don't really know I was going to say

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Speaker 1: that would have aligned better with but they had some

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Speaker 1: really good ways to kind of like move on instead

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Speaker 1: of focusing on the icky stuff. And the first one,

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Speaker 1: the reason that this caught my eye is because the

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Speaker 1: first point they made, or their first tip, was don't

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Speaker 1: focus on what happened in the past. And that seems

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Speaker 1: really simple, but it made me think about maybe a

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Speaker 1: year and a half ago, I had this situation where

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Speaker 1: I had to have contact a lawyer and I had

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Speaker 1: kind of taken matters into my own hands because I

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Speaker 1: just was like on a mission and I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm an independent person that can take care of myself. Well,

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Speaker 1: I got myself in a little more trouble by doing that.

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Speaker 1: And I called this lawyer and I was telling her

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Speaker 1: the situation and I do remember the story, yes, And

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Speaker 1: I was talking to her and I was like, and

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Speaker 1: I did this and I shouldn't have and now I'm

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Speaker 1: in this situation. And she stopped me and she said, honestly,

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Speaker 1: we're wasting your time by talking about what you have done.

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Speaker 1: We can't go back and change the past. All we

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Speaker 1: can do is look at how we can make this better.

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Speaker 1: So how can we make this better? And I was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: I will pay you as much money as you want

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Speaker 1: me to pay you because it was so simple. But

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Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, you're right. I can't go back

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Speaker 1: and fix it. I can't go back and find the

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Speaker 1: lost audio. Andrew in California tried. Yeah, And so when

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Speaker 1: the the engineer team sharing Paige, and that was kind

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Speaker 1: of cool. I know it's gotten creepy, but also cool. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you give him a code and then he's all up

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Speaker 1: in my computer all the way from the west coast.

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Speaker 1: It's west coast. Yeah, um, making sure I got it right.

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Speaker 1: But I really liked when she said that to me

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Speaker 1: because I would have been sitting there harping on all

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Speaker 1: the things and beating myself up. And the reality is, like,

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Speaker 1: what can we do. If we could go back in time,

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Speaker 1: then that would be irrelevant, but we can't. So the

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Speaker 1: first thing this article said is, don't focus on what

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Speaker 1: happened in the past. When's the last time you did that? No, earlier? Well, now,

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Speaker 1: this so much doesn't throw me to my past, but

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Speaker 1: other stuff, you know, earlier today, probably yesterday and now,

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Speaker 1: but like actually two hours ago, and then in the

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Speaker 1: day before. Okay. And then their second one was, well,

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Speaker 1: so they said don't focus on that. But then they said,

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Speaker 1: and allow yourself to feel angry and frustrated if you

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Speaker 1: need to be. Yeah, I mean maybe we should have

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Speaker 1: gone downstairs real quick and just throw something and screamed,

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Speaker 1: because it is annoying. Is it's annoying. And I think

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Speaker 1: that's where when people say stuff like well it's not

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Speaker 1: in God's will, Like, well, that's annoying because you're telling

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Speaker 1: me and that I had real feelings about this right

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Speaker 1: now and God gave me feelings and you're invalidating my

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Speaker 1: whole experience. Yeah, there's this parenting expert that I follow

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Speaker 1: on Instagram, Sissy Golf, I think is the one that

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Speaker 1: posted this, and not questioning your name, but I think

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Speaker 1: I follow a few. But she was showing people on

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Speaker 1: Instagram like, if you're ever about you feel like you're

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Speaker 1: on the urge of yelling at your kids and you

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Speaker 1: don't want to yell, Like, she gives you five things

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Speaker 1: you can do for yourself to release that energy, to

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Speaker 1: release that feeling, that frustration, that anger, that whatever it is,

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Speaker 1: and you can go in your own space. And some

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Speaker 1: of it is like this weird stuff, like it looked

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Speaker 1: a little a little crazy, Like some of it was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, like have you ever gone to a yoga

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Speaker 1: class and they're like a lion and you stick your

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Speaker 1: tongue out and you release all this noise from your throat.

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Speaker 1: One of it was breathing in and exhaling for ten

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Speaker 1: full seconds. If you were trying to excell for ten

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Speaker 1: do you want to try it? It's hard hold on

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Speaker 1: I don't even want to put people through it. Okay,

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Speaker 1: here we go. We're breathing for how long? But for

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Speaker 1: ten full second? Breathe in and then you breathe out

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Speaker 1: for ten seconds. I need to see a timer. I

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Speaker 1: can do it on my phone. Wait to do it yet? Okay, God, Okay,

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Speaker 1: set go breathing. Oh how much I think we did.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't even make it to end. But that's the thing.

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Speaker 1: Then it put it felt It feels nice, but it

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Speaker 1: you know, there's sensory stuff happening and there's a release

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Speaker 1: that needs to occur. So actually it probably wouldn't have

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Speaker 1: been a bad idea. I'm using the yelling at your

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Speaker 1: kids the parenting tip example, but you could really apply

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Speaker 1: that to anything. Are you at work and you're really

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Speaker 1: frustrated and you're about to lose it on a coworker,

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Speaker 1: or are you in a relationship and you're about to

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Speaker 1: lose it on your partner or a roommate or a sibling,

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Speaker 1: whatever the case may be. Your parents, do you need

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Speaker 1: to go and take a few seconds for yourself and

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Speaker 1: just find a way to release some of this energy

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Speaker 1: from your body. Acknowledge it, don't stuff it away because

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Speaker 1: then it just is gonna build up and build up,

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Speaker 1: and you're not going to have the control and you

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Speaker 1: are gonna yell at the kids or like it's going

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Speaker 1: to come out for a coworker and it's not. It's yeah,

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Speaker 1: you can release it. So anyway, I mean, we probably

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Speaker 1: should have before we started recording this gone downstairs and

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Speaker 1: throw that stuff and yelled and been all crazy. But

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Speaker 1: that makes As we did that, I was like, that's

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Speaker 1: kind of like crazy but smart, Like it looked crazy,

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Speaker 1: but like what she was doing, I was like, if

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Speaker 1: people don't get this type of therapy, they don't get this.

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Speaker 1: They would look at her and be like, she looks

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Speaker 1: bonkers here on Instagram, but she's actually giving people very

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Speaker 1: valuable tips to survive. Yeah. Well, And and when I

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Speaker 1: have worked with a lot of trauma in the past,

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Speaker 1: one thing that we teach clients to do is to

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Speaker 1: shake stuff out. So when I worked in a treatment center,

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Speaker 1: it was very normal to walk around the house that

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Speaker 1: we were in and just see people like shaking. They

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Speaker 1: would just go like this. They would just shake their

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Speaker 1: limbs and sometimes they would shake their legs, but they

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Speaker 1: just walk up and down the house shaking out the

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Speaker 1: energy that they don't want in their body. And if

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Speaker 1: I were to do that at well, I work in therapy,

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Speaker 1: so at my office it wouldn't be that weird. But

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Speaker 1: if I went to like Kroger, a public story of

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Speaker 1: the grocery store in the mall and just walked around

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Speaker 1: doing that, people would be like, what's going on? So

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Speaker 1: I think maybe what this is making possible is we're

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Speaker 1: normalizing people shaking out their energy right and sharing it

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Speaker 1: with others. And so obviously this doesn't have to be

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Speaker 1: done in a public place or like you don't have

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Speaker 1: to post yourself doing it on Instagram or anything, but

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Speaker 1: just normalizing it in general because you may feel weird

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Speaker 1: about it in your own private room, like you might

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Speaker 1: feel weird getting on all fours and like a lion,

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Speaker 1: but there is a release that's happening, so there you go,

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Speaker 1: and it don't feel weird until it doesn't. So the

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Speaker 1: first time you do anything like that feels weird. Although

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Speaker 1: that breathing thing didn't feel weird. That felt really nice,

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Speaker 1: the breathing out for ten and then we laughed afterwards.

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Speaker 1: And then it reminds me of like I do that

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Speaker 1: all the time, where you like take a big breath

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Speaker 1: and it might not be for ten seconds, but when

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Speaker 1: you're like before you go do something, that's a normal response.

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Speaker 1: So we should just be doing that intentionally more. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you want to know something that just popped in my

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Speaker 1: head from the other episode that will never see the

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Speaker 1: light of day now, which is so sad because it

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Speaker 1: was so organic and it was so unexpected. When you

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Speaker 1: were giving a scenario about how say you're dating someone

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Speaker 1: and their families from Idaho and then Idaho say it,

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Speaker 1: just say every so this is how it went. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So imagine you're dating somebody, you've been dating them for

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Speaker 1: like ten months, you live in Tennessee, their family lives

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Speaker 1: in Idaho, and I said, let's just see you're right

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Speaker 1: doing it again. It's not authentic, But you said, set

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Speaker 1: it up that you haven't gotten to meet their family

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Speaker 1: and you're wondering why they're not inviting you to Idaho

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Speaker 1: And you say that, okay, so just say why they're

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Speaker 1: not inviting you? So why are they not inviting you?

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Speaker 1: You tell the jock, it's not a Joke's a joke.

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Speaker 1: It never was supposed to be. You're wondering family. But

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Speaker 1: then they don't know what you're gonna say. I know,

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Speaker 1: so you're wondering why their family won't invite you to Idaho. No, Youdaho,

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Speaker 1: because I did not expect her to say that. Now.

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Speaker 1: I didn't just came out and You're like Idaho, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I at first I was

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Speaker 1: like what, No, And then I was like, oh, you're

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Speaker 1: making a joke. I see that. Probably jokes should probably

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Speaker 1: not have seen the light of day, but we tried.

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Speaker 1: We gave me a good college stripe. But that's another

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Speaker 1: thing too, is that, yeah, you're right, we shouldn't have

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Speaker 1: forced redoing that episode right now, because we would. It

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Speaker 1: was really good. Not I'm not talking about that joke part,

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Speaker 1: by the way, just everything we got into when we

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Speaker 1: were reminiscing on our past relationships and seeing yellow flags

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Speaker 1: that were presented from our exes or ourselves. I admitted

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Speaker 1: to plenty of flags that I was just throwing left

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Speaker 1: and right. So maybe it's not God's will that people

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Speaker 1: were supposed to know that. Maybe my ex boyfriend wasn't

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Speaker 1: supposed to hear that. I bet he's a listener. Rude,

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Speaker 1: Why wouldn't you listen to this podcast? My podcast is good?

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Speaker 1: I like, I bet he doesn't listen because I don't

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Speaker 1: picture him being listening to podcasts the last time you

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Speaker 1: saw him. I don't know. I have a couple of

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Speaker 1: male listeners, thank for. I'm not saying I just don't

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Speaker 1: he's the type of person that would listen. Like he's

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Speaker 1: not on social media all that thing. Like, I think

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Speaker 1: he likes to read. If you were to print this

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Speaker 1: in a book form, he might read it. So you're

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Speaker 1: saying if I wrote a book, he would read it. Yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: I'll take that. But yeah, There's could be lots of

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Speaker 1: reasons why the episode was not God's will. My ex boyfriends,

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Speaker 1: maybe just for me because I admitted to a lot

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Speaker 1: of stuff that maybe I shouldn't have. Yeah, well, I

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Speaker 1: don't know, but I will say we're making light of

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Speaker 1: the fact that people say it's not God's will. That

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Speaker 1: might be something that's very comforting to you. That could

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Speaker 1: be something I have said it and I say it

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Speaker 1: to myself when I'm ready, but it's probably just not

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Speaker 1: in the moment. It's the moment helpful. I think that's

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Speaker 1: actually like, let's talk about this and then we might

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Speaker 1: get back to this list. But like in the moment, like,

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Speaker 1: let's say something just happened and it doesn't have to

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Speaker 1: be this podcast situation, because things happen to us that

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Speaker 1: are I mean this in the grand scheme of our life,

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Speaker 1: is not going to make that big of an imprint

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Speaker 1: that we lost that episode. I mean, maybe we could

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Speaker 1: have won an award for it, but whatever, I know,

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Speaker 1: we'll never know. But like in the moment, like when

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Speaker 1: something has happened that it's been really tough for you,

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Speaker 1: what is something that you actually want to hear from

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Speaker 1: somebody because you might not in that moment want to

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Speaker 1: hear it's God's will because from I'll say, from my perspective,

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Speaker 1: when that has been the choice of words, it makes

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Speaker 1: me like, well, then I'm going to be mad at

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Speaker 1: God because why would he do this? You know? And

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Speaker 1: so what actually is something in your life that has

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Speaker 1: been helpful for you to hear? I think it's just

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Speaker 1: what do you need for me at this moment? So simple,

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Speaker 1: so simple, and in that it might be I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I just want you to be here, or I just

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Speaker 1: want you to check in with me, or I want

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Speaker 1: to talk about anything but this, or I want to

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Speaker 1: watch this movie, or i'd like to go for a walk.

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Speaker 1: You know our mutual friend Dylan Murphy, who's a registered dietitian.

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Speaker 1: She's a new mom, and she posted something for moms

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Speaker 1: too the other day that I thought was really interesting

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Speaker 1: and it could apply to new moms or anybody that's

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Speaker 1: grieving or going through something. And I'm like, Okay, I

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Speaker 1: need to be better at this. I've known this language,

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Speaker 1: but I need to start being way more intentional about

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Speaker 1: implementing it when I know someone's going through something, instead

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Speaker 1: of just saying, hey, let me know if I could

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Speaker 1: do something, because that's overwhelming to someone that's in the

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Speaker 1: thick of something, because it's like but she she gave

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Speaker 1: specific examples of how her friends showed up for her,

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Speaker 1: and this is stuff we can learn. Like some people

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Speaker 1: have a gift of just knowing that this is how

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Speaker 1: to be. Some people were raised by parents that were like,

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Speaker 1: this is how we are. Some of us have to

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Speaker 1: learn this stuff as an adult. And I put myself

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Speaker 1: in that category. My parents were very caring people. But

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Speaker 1: I don't I just met like I don't know that

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Speaker 1: I didn't for me. Some of this is like I'm

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Speaker 1: forty one and I'm taking notes right now of like, oh,

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Speaker 1: and I've even been there, I've been on the receiving

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Speaker 1: end of people that or like this and I know

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Speaker 1: this and I've said it before, but something about how

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Speaker 1: the way Dylan put it just stuck with me. And

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Speaker 1: she said, be specific. Say Hi, I'm bringing you dinner.

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Speaker 1: Would you like Chick fil a or Torchy Tacos or

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Speaker 1: I can't remember which one? She says, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Those are two restaurants just popped into my head. But

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Speaker 1: she goes, be specific. If don't just say, hey, I'd

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Speaker 1: like to bring your dinner, No, I'm bringing your dinner.

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Speaker 1: Here's your options, two choices choose. Then it's like not

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Speaker 1: a lot of thinking. Or she gave another example of

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Speaker 1: a friend that said I'm coming over to tidy up

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Speaker 1: your house is one PM, okay, and very specific ways

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Speaker 1: to just show up and be present for your friend

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Speaker 1: that is going through life changing time. And I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: that's so good. And I know I saw people show

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Speaker 1: up for my family that way. I've had friends that

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Speaker 1: have done it for me, and I'm like, but yet

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Speaker 1: I'm sometimes still dropped the hey, let me know if

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Speaker 1: you need anything, and I'm mean it, but then when

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Speaker 1: you're in it, they're not gonna think. They can't think

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Speaker 1: of exactly what they need and they don't know, and

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Speaker 1: it's just, yeah, it's overwhelming and they're thankful, thank you

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Speaker 1: for offering that. But I don't know. And so I

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Speaker 1: just thought that was good and like it's for me.

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Speaker 1: It's like, okay, maybe it'll finally stick for me this time,

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Speaker 1: because that's what after my mom died to me, my

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Speaker 1: sister had a whole crew people. They came over, they

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Speaker 1: were doing laundry, they delivered foods, packages were arriving. We

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Speaker 1: didn't have to do anything. Same thing when my dad

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Speaker 1: passed away. It's just I know it's been done for me,

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Speaker 1: and it's just I want to show up for people

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Speaker 1: in that way, and I think it's just never too

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Speaker 1: late to keep trying, even though such a natural, natural

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Speaker 1: default is to just be like, hey, I'm here, what

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Speaker 1: do you need? Let me know? But I know why

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Speaker 1: that is making me think of something that you said recently.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if it was on your fifth Thing

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Speaker 1: podcast or if it was on the Thursday episode. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if you've said this to me or if

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Speaker 1: I just listen to you say this um by myself.

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Speaker 1: But you were talking about when you're talking about your neighbors,

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Speaker 1: canna getting your neighbors together, and how like we used

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Speaker 1: to reference Jenny Allen who's an author, talking about how

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Speaker 1: we used to bring cast roles to people, but now

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Speaker 1: we don't do that anymore, like our neighbors or yes,

428
00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:12,160
Speaker 1: that's what it is. We don't want to impose on somebody,

429
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:15,359
Speaker 1: and other people also don't want to be a burden

430
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 1: to us. That is one of the most common themes

431
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:19,960
Speaker 1: I see with clients is I don't want somebody to

432
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:21,760
Speaker 1: think I'm a burden. I don't want to be a burden.

433
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:24,200
Speaker 1: I don't like being a burden is such a fear

434
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:27,199
Speaker 1: for so many people where if I say, hey, let

435
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:29,480
Speaker 1: me know if you need anything, it's like, okay, Well

436
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:31,479
Speaker 1: if they I don't want to bother them if they

437
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,080
Speaker 1: have a lot going on, and I've been guilty of that,

438
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:37,440
Speaker 1: like when friends have have had babies, or there has

439
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:41,239
Speaker 1: been a tragedy, a death, a trauma or something. In

440
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:42,960
Speaker 1: my head, I'm like, they probably have so many people

441
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,480
Speaker 1: texting them. I don't want to bother them. And on

442
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,040
Speaker 1: the other side, those people might be thinking I don't

443
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:49,560
Speaker 1: want people to think that they have to help me

444
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,040
Speaker 1: if they don't really want to. And so when we

445
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,000
Speaker 1: take the stance of I love this. This is one

446
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,159
Speaker 1: of the reasons why I love Dylan. We take the

447
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,320
Speaker 1: stance of I'm gonna do this for you, it takes

448
00:22:58,359 --> 00:23:00,679
Speaker 1: all of that out. I'm gonna do this kind thing.

449
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:02,399
Speaker 1: I'm gonna bring you tacos. You can eat them or not.

450
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:04,760
Speaker 1: I'll just drop them off right And then they don't

451
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:08,480
Speaker 1: have to say no, don't because they probably want the tacos. Yeah,

452
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:12,520
Speaker 1: there's no shame. If you have recently, maybe even just today,

453
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,200
Speaker 1: texted someone, Hey, let me know if you need anything.

454
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:18,439
Speaker 1: I'm admitting that I have done it. But I was

455
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:21,440
Speaker 1: so thankful for that reminder. And there's ways where that

456
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:25,280
Speaker 1: some coworkers have a few different things lately. Um, And

457
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:30,040
Speaker 1: you know, door dash is amazing because in the past

458
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:33,280
Speaker 1: three weeks I was able to just door dash food

459
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,439
Speaker 1: to them and it was so easy, and it was

460
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:39,280
Speaker 1: food they loved and it was great. And it made

461
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:41,560
Speaker 1: me think about some of the people though, too that

462
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:45,280
Speaker 1: just have that skill of making a home cooked meal

463
00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:49,040
Speaker 1: and delivering it and showing up with the castrole or

464
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:51,720
Speaker 1: you know, if that's what you have time for. But

465
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:55,320
Speaker 1: there's also no shame in door dashing something. Yeah, I

466
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:57,200
Speaker 1: don't have the skill of cooking a home cooked meal

467
00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 1: unless it's the chicken salsa. That's that's the recipe of

468
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 1: the jam. Yeah, I feel like I talked about all

469
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:07,560
Speaker 1: the time. Anyway, So all of that to be said.

470
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,520
Speaker 1: You know, we didn't put out the episode we planned for.

471
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:13,320
Speaker 1: We might do that in in the future and it

472
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:15,919
Speaker 1: might end up being better, but we still have it.

473
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:17,840
Speaker 1: Will it will be better, it will it will have

474
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 1: to be better. Okay, Yeah, we get better every time

475
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:23,400
Speaker 1: we do something right now. Sometimes we go backwards. Yeah,

476
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,040
Speaker 1: you gotta go backwards and then go forwards and keep going. Yeah,

477
00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:31,159
Speaker 1: two steps forward, two steps back. We get together because

478
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:35,320
Speaker 1: up but sits it checked in you know any fiction.

479
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 1: It's I'm not ter fact. You have no idea what

480
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:41,720
Speaker 1: I'm saying right now. We come together like, uh, but

481
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 1: I used to roller skate to this Paula. I don't know.

482
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,359
Speaker 1: It wasn't a fan of hers. I think she was,

483
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:52,639
Speaker 1: do you know straight up now town, Yeah, that's we

484
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:56,119
Speaker 1: roller skated into my garage to Paula Abdul all the time. Well,

485
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:58,320
Speaker 1: I'm sad I missed out on that maybe we could

486
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:01,120
Speaker 1: be recreative while I was in fifth grade. But yeah,

487
00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:04,120
Speaker 1: all right, well, thank you for re recording with me.

488
00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:07,800
Speaker 1: I know, I just feel like we had some good stuff.

489
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:11,040
Speaker 1: We'll we'll deliver it at another time, but hopefully this

490
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:15,520
Speaker 1: was the episode you needed to hear, like, have the

491
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:19,240
Speaker 1: day you need to have. And I actually am sitting

492
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:21,200
Speaker 1: here in front of one of our four things gratitude

493
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:24,159
Speaker 1: journals that we have, and it's just happens to be

494
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:27,639
Speaker 1: open on the table. So can I read a quote

495
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,760
Speaker 1: staring at me from it? Why not? Maybe this is

496
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:34,760
Speaker 1: a sign it's from zig Ziggler. Gratitude is the healthiest

497
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:38,320
Speaker 1: of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for

498
00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:41,240
Speaker 1: what you have, the more likely you will have even

499
00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:46,840
Speaker 1: more to express gratitude for. So I am thankful that

500
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:51,800
Speaker 1: that episode just disappeared. So I'm not thankful for that yet. However,

501
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:54,080
Speaker 1: I am thankful that you're the kind of person who's like,

502
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:56,520
Speaker 1: you're not leaving until we have something. You're not leaving

503
00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:59,320
Speaker 1: here without. Oh heck no, so I try to leave

504
00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 1: and I was like, in no, I yeah, So I'm

505
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,479
Speaker 1: thankful that and this also I don't know what kind

506
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:06,320
Speaker 1: of day you're having, but you could be having a

507
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:11,600
Speaker 1: day a week, a month, a year, a decade. Isn't

508
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:14,240
Speaker 1: that the song for Friends? Isn't it your day a

509
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:16,960
Speaker 1: month or week? Or I don't even watch Friends, but

510
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:20,119
Speaker 1: I knew that, so good job. So if maybe you

511
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:21,679
Speaker 1: are having one of those days and this is just

512
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:24,239
Speaker 1: a little reminder for you or a little like what

513
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,840
Speaker 1: do they call that? Um a god tap? What did

514
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,919
Speaker 1: we call that? Got tap? Got tap? Yeah, that's like

515
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:32,320
Speaker 1: you're not the only one out there who struggling. We're

516
00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:34,480
Speaker 1: in this with you too. And because I'm really not

517
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:37,760
Speaker 1: thankful that it deleted, Yeah she was lying, lying. You

518
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:40,600
Speaker 1: can't lie, But I am thankful for this extra time

519
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:45,679
Speaker 1: with you and this conversation and Dylan and her post

520
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:51,080
Speaker 1: and that reminder and just the ability to do better

521
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:53,440
Speaker 1: next time. We're not going to always get it right,

522
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:56,480
Speaker 1: even though I want to do better every single time,

523
00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:59,440
Speaker 1: I'm not going to get it. But we can, you know,

524
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:02,040
Speaker 1: just do better. What another thing Donald said in that

525
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:04,240
Speaker 1: interview that I really liked that you just remind me

526
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:06,280
Speaker 1: of of He was talking about I'm not a fan

527
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:07,800
Speaker 1: of fake it to your make it. He said I'm

528
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:10,840
Speaker 1: a fan of failing until you figure it out, and

529
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,159
Speaker 1: we definitely had a little failure today and we're figuring

530
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:19,640
Speaker 1: it out. We're figuring at one. Yeah, so the engineer

531
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:23,400
Speaker 1: Andrew shout out. He is mailing me some part. He said,

532
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 1: I'll get it on Thursday and that it'll automatically back

533
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:30,080
Speaker 1: up everything. You know what. I think that why that

534
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:32,520
Speaker 1: happened is because you needed that thing. And I don't

535
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:34,959
Speaker 1: know what your next interview is, but imagine if that

536
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:38,320
Speaker 1: happened when you were interviewing somebody you didn't know very well,

537
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,640
Speaker 1: or maybe it was like your who knows, it could

538
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:43,359
Speaker 1: be your like dream guest, and what would what would

539
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 1: happen if that I had deleted? But because it deleted

540
00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:49,320
Speaker 1: our episode, we figured it out. We just solved the

541
00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:54,959
Speaker 1: mystery God's will. This is exactly why it happened, potentially

542
00:27:55,680 --> 00:28:02,360
Speaker 1: exactly potentially well to be like good theory though, that's

543
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:04,920
Speaker 1: just that's another way you can look at life. It's

544
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:08,400
Speaker 1: the obstacles the way. And that's a book, so don't

545
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:10,919
Speaker 1: don't quote me on that. That's literally the title of

546
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:14,120
Speaker 1: a book that I recommend you read because it will

547
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 1: help you shift perspective on things that happen, especially in

548
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:22,399
Speaker 1: the workplace, and as you're as you're trying to figure

549
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,800
Speaker 1: things out, and if you're failing, or if something messes

550
00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:28,760
Speaker 1: up or goes wrong or a coworker messes up, are

551
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:30,760
Speaker 1: you gonna just been all day being mad at that

552
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:33,600
Speaker 1: person and reacting a way or what have we What

553
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:35,280
Speaker 1: can we learn from this? And how are we going

554
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:37,439
Speaker 1: to pivot? And like, what is this preparing me for?

555
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,680
Speaker 1: It's preparing you to not delete your episode with your

556
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 1: most prized guest, which I would have thought was me,

557
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:45,800
Speaker 1: but also, but I see you every week. It would

558
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,240
Speaker 1: probably be if I got Robin Roberts on again, but

559
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 1: I'm hoping I had her on the podcast and hoping

560
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:54,400
Speaker 1: my next interview with her will be in person. I

561
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:56,560
Speaker 1: love her. I love her. And if you all want

562
00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:58,720
Speaker 1: to check out the Donald Miller episode, just search for

563
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 1: things with Amy Brown and it's from like two weeks ago,

564
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:04,200
Speaker 1: or if you if you just type in the search

565
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:07,600
Speaker 1: bar four things Amy round, Donald Miller, it'll pop up totally.

566
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:11,000
Speaker 1: All right, Well, thank you for recording again. Where can

567
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:13,440
Speaker 1: people find you? And then you already shout out out

568
00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 1: your podcast? But that's and Instagram is radio Amy is

569
00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:22,480
Speaker 1: the handle and then on Saturday's, I host a podcast

570
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:26,200
Speaker 1: called Outweigh, which is dedicated to eating, disorder, recovery, and

571
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:31,120
Speaker 1: disordered eating, and that is again every Saturday. The tagline

572
00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:34,120
Speaker 1: is a life without disordered eating, outways Everything. And speaking

573
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:37,040
Speaker 1: of Dylan Murphy, she was a she was a expert

574
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:41,880
Speaker 1: guest with me for three weeks in a row. I

575
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:45,000
Speaker 1: really enjoyed my time with her because I'm not the expert.

576
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:46,760
Speaker 1: I'm just someone that's in recovery. So I try to

577
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 1: bring experts on to come alongside me in the little

578
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:54,760
Speaker 1: thing for the week that people might need to just

579
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:57,840
Speaker 1: have in their back pocket. Two. Recovery is hard. Getting

580
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:01,520
Speaker 1: there is hard, realizing you're even maybe some people we

581
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:03,520
Speaker 1: get notes they're like, oh gosh, I had no idea

582
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:06,920
Speaker 1: I had disorder behavior until I listened to your podcast,

583
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:08,320
Speaker 1: and I lived that way for a long time. I

584
00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:11,640
Speaker 1: just thought I was quote unquote healthy. But so anyway,

585
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 1: that's where people can find me. And if you want

586
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:17,920
Speaker 1: to hear more of Emmy and I talking about random things,

587
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:20,880
Speaker 1: you can listen to Four Things on Tuesday where she

588
00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:23,560
Speaker 1: does the fifth thing, and then she has invited me

589
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:26,000
Speaker 1: to co host with her every single week because I'm

590
00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 1: her dream guest. Yes, no, you're I was getting so

591
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:32,440
Speaker 1: many listener emails and you are. You're the expert, but

592
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:35,720
Speaker 1: you're also a friend that I have very easy conversation with.

593
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:38,840
Speaker 1: So you bring a lot to the table with your expertise,

594
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:42,640
Speaker 1: your wisdom, and then just your banter. And then as

595
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:44,840
Speaker 1: it's a natural fit, I played around with a lot

596
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:46,400
Speaker 1: of different things for the fifth thing. It's just a

597
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:48,400
Speaker 1: bonus episode. For a long time I would have my

598
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:51,280
Speaker 1: friends on, which I miss doing that. But I think

599
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:55,040
Speaker 1: consistency is key for that right now, especially because listeners

600
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:58,000
Speaker 1: were writing in with advice or questions. And even if

601
00:30:58,040 --> 00:30:59,560
Speaker 1: we don't even get to an episode where we do

602
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:02,360
Speaker 1: advice or questions or it's not even therapy type based,

603
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,800
Speaker 1: we just send up always having a good time. But

604
00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:08,200
Speaker 1: that's just another thing too, is to know that you

605
00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:11,000
Speaker 1: you're allowed to evolve the projects that you're working on.

606
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:14,800
Speaker 1: The fifth thing looked so different, it did not look

607
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:17,640
Speaker 1: like how it looks now, and four things has even evolved,

608
00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:21,600
Speaker 1: and that's okay. We get to do move to move,

609
00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:26,560
Speaker 1: you get to flow. We can change. And so Kat is, yes,

610
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:29,360
Speaker 1: you are a co host, all right, Well, Thank you

611
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:31,880
Speaker 1: guys for sticking with us today. You can find me

612
00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:34,120
Speaker 1: at Cat dot de fata on Instagram at You Need

613
00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:36,960
Speaker 1: Therapy podcast as well if you want to follow the podcast.

614
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:39,800
Speaker 1: If you have questions, you can email me Catherine at

615
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 1: You Need Therapy Podcast. And I hope you guys just

616
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:44,719
Speaker 1: go out there and have the day you need to have.

617
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 1: That's what we're doing by