1 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,960 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of Eating 2 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:17,119 Speaker 1: Therapy podcast. My name is Kat and this is the 3 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:22,799 Speaker 1: first episode of so Welcome to the New Year. I'm 4 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:27,040 Speaker 1: saying this to you before it even because I am 5 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:29,840 Speaker 1: recording this on What day is it? It's Saturday. I 6 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:31,960 Speaker 1: you know, I think if we all get this way, 7 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,440 Speaker 1: I cannot remember what data is for the life of me. 8 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:38,920 Speaker 1: I took the week between Christmas and the New Year off, 9 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:43,720 Speaker 1: so this whole week I thought it was Thursday. Today 10 00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:45,640 Speaker 1: it is Saturday. I'm looking at the calendar in front 11 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:47,440 Speaker 1: of me. It is Saturday. It is New Year's Eve, 12 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:51,440 Speaker 1: and so it's my last day of getting ready to 13 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:54,880 Speaker 1: make it a very good day with what is in 14 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:57,120 Speaker 1: within my control, which we'll talk about more of that, 15 00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:01,120 Speaker 1: but I thought it might be fun or helpful or 16 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:04,840 Speaker 1: important to talk about something that comes up very often 17 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:09,360 Speaker 1: every single year when the new year approaches. Now, before 18 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,920 Speaker 1: we get into that, just a quick reminder that I 19 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,840 Speaker 1: like to give everybody at the top of every episode 20 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:17,720 Speaker 1: that although I'm a therapist, this podcast is called You 21 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:20,520 Speaker 1: Need Therapy. This does not serve as a replacement for 22 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:24,120 Speaker 1: therapy or substitute for any mental health services. However, it 23 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:27,640 Speaker 1: can be helpful, and if this is your first time 24 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:30,800 Speaker 1: listening to this podcast, welcome And also what a great 25 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:34,080 Speaker 1: way to start your new year with listening to a 26 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:36,640 Speaker 1: new podcast, like you need therapy, So share it with 27 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:39,800 Speaker 1: all your friends and help them start their new year. 28 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 1: That's quite possible. So what we're gonna talk about today, Well, 29 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:45,760 Speaker 1: if you think about the new year and what I 30 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:48,200 Speaker 1: just said and how certain things do come to mind, 31 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:51,160 Speaker 1: and they come up every single year right around this time, 32 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:54,560 Speaker 1: what comes to my mind is a lot of diets, 33 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:56,680 Speaker 1: a lot of ads for weight loss, a lot of 34 00:01:56,720 --> 00:02:02,840 Speaker 1: sales at gyms and fitness centers, and also New year resolutions, 35 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,800 Speaker 1: which I don't always make, but I will be doing 36 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,360 Speaker 1: this year, which that's actually what we're going to talk about. 37 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,040 Speaker 1: Side note, we're not gonna be talking about diets and 38 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:13,800 Speaker 1: why you don't need to go on them this year, 39 00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:15,280 Speaker 1: because I have a lot of content on that and 40 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:18,239 Speaker 1: I will link those episodes. I also found something new 41 00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:21,320 Speaker 1: out that I will put in the show notes and 42 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:24,440 Speaker 1: I will also make a post about. But apparently you 43 00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 1: can hide diet ads on your Instagram specifically, I don't 44 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:30,119 Speaker 1: know if you can do that on other social media avenues, 45 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,680 Speaker 1: but there's a way for you to hide ads that 46 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,840 Speaker 1: are sending you just any kind of information that is 47 00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:38,600 Speaker 1: hurtful or not helpful as you're trying to actually live 48 00:02:38,639 --> 00:02:40,480 Speaker 1: a life where you can be confident and love yourself, 49 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:43,040 Speaker 1: so you can actually get rid of the diet culture 50 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:44,840 Speaker 1: kind of stuff in your social media feeds. So I 51 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,000 Speaker 1: will post that. But today, what we're gonna be talking 52 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:51,160 Speaker 1: about our New Year's resolutions. And I know this can 53 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:53,799 Speaker 1: be a hot topic and and over talked about topic 54 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:57,240 Speaker 1: these days. I think that I've talked about year's resolutions 55 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,680 Speaker 1: maybe every year that I've done this podcast. I can't remember, 56 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:02,440 Speaker 1: but I I probably did because it comes up so often. 57 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:06,760 Speaker 1: And what I remember about news resolutions as a kid 58 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:11,560 Speaker 1: is being forced to come up with them at school, 59 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:13,000 Speaker 1: like every year, like what are you going to do 60 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:15,520 Speaker 1: this year? What's your goal this year? I remember it 61 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,560 Speaker 1: feeling like it was a project or homework assignment, maybe 62 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:22,640 Speaker 1: because sometimes it was. And I also have zero memories 63 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:27,360 Speaker 1: of actually working towards any goals that I set, And 64 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,440 Speaker 1: I don't have any memories of any goals that I 65 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:32,520 Speaker 1: set as a kid, other than like I want to 66 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:35,400 Speaker 1: lose so much this much weight or I want to 67 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,360 Speaker 1: it was something to do with body and weight and 68 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,920 Speaker 1: all that, something toxic that's really not helpful and that 69 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:43,480 Speaker 1: I actually probably failed at because those things that you 70 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:45,800 Speaker 1: have to fail. And I'm also the kind of person 71 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:49,160 Speaker 1: who when I'm being forced to do something for the 72 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 1: sake of doing it because everyone else is doing it 73 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:54,440 Speaker 1: or there's no reason behind it. I don't have some 74 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:56,800 Speaker 1: information about why do I need to do this. It 75 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:59,600 Speaker 1: just feels like busy work. I don't want to do that, 76 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,160 Speaker 1: and I'm probably going to rebel because I don't want 77 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:04,440 Speaker 1: to do it. Now. I'm somebody who believes that we 78 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:06,440 Speaker 1: have to do things we don't want to do in life, 79 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:09,480 Speaker 1: and as an adult, we really have to do that stuff, 80 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,160 Speaker 1: and I do those things. But when it just feels 81 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:14,200 Speaker 1: like there's no rhyme or reason and I'm just being 82 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,040 Speaker 1: forced to do this, there's just part of me that 83 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:17,680 Speaker 1: comes up and just wants to rebel, and like, I 84 00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:20,640 Speaker 1: don't want to do that because I don't want to 85 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:22,599 Speaker 1: even if it might be something that would be helpful 86 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:27,720 Speaker 1: for me. Speaking of I believe there are people out there, 87 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:32,800 Speaker 1: including myself, who hold onto certain things for bragging rights, 88 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:34,320 Speaker 1: like I've never done this, or I've never done that, 89 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,560 Speaker 1: or I've never seen that, or I've never tried that, 90 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:39,159 Speaker 1: and it's like a bragging, right thing. But really, what 91 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:41,160 Speaker 1: you're doing is you're holding back from experience you might 92 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:46,479 Speaker 1: actually like. For example, I've always really enjoyed being able 93 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:49,640 Speaker 1: to say to people. And I don't know why I've 94 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:52,840 Speaker 1: never seen the Harry Potter movies. It's not that I 95 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:54,960 Speaker 1: was like, I don't well, maybe I did think that, 96 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:58,000 Speaker 1: like I wouldn't like them. I don't know, but there 97 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,560 Speaker 1: is a part of me, well, that's not true, because 98 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:02,720 Speaker 1: I like the Hunger Games and I read the Hunger 99 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:05,160 Speaker 1: Games books and they're not exactly the same, but they're 100 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:08,000 Speaker 1: kind of similar. I've never seen any of the movies 101 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,400 Speaker 1: and i've never read any of the books. And in 102 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:14,360 Speaker 1: two and maybe part of one, I think I started. 103 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:17,440 Speaker 1: I've started watching the Harry Potter movies. I've only gotten 104 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 1: on number six. Now they're so good and I can't 105 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,400 Speaker 1: wait to read the books. And now I'm like, I've 106 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:27,359 Speaker 1: been holding myself back from really enjoying something from my 107 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:30,760 Speaker 1: whole childhood. I remember when I got a Harry Potter 108 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:34,000 Speaker 1: book when I was in elementary school maybe, and I 109 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:35,800 Speaker 1: didn't end up reading and I think I just at 110 00:05:35,839 --> 00:05:37,320 Speaker 1: that age couldn't get into it. And it was a 111 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:39,800 Speaker 1: big book, and as as a small kid, the big 112 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,200 Speaker 1: book kind of intimated to me, even though the print 113 00:05:42,279 --> 00:05:44,480 Speaker 1: is kind of big. But then I just turned into 114 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:47,679 Speaker 1: this like person who No, I don't read those books. 115 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,880 Speaker 1: I don't do that, I don't watch those movies. Nope, 116 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:51,880 Speaker 1: I have no idea what you're talking about. When I 117 00:05:52,279 --> 00:05:55,159 Speaker 1: could have been really nerd ing out over this stuff 118 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:58,800 Speaker 1: for a long time, and I just think it's silly. 119 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:00,480 Speaker 1: And I think a lot of us do that. We 120 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:03,279 Speaker 1: hold onto these things for like bragging rights, but nobody 121 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:05,479 Speaker 1: cares that. Nobody cares that I never saw Harry Potter 122 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:07,560 Speaker 1: there probably actually feel bad for me more than being 123 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:10,880 Speaker 1: like that's cool. Nobody's ever being like that's cool that 124 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:14,760 Speaker 1: SHO doesn't watch Harry Potter. Nobody cares. So if you're 125 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:16,800 Speaker 1: holding onto something like that, this is my little p 126 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,640 Speaker 1: s A that has nothing to do with this episode, 127 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:22,440 Speaker 1: to maybe dip your toes in that water see if 128 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,920 Speaker 1: you like it before you say I'm no, I don't 129 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:27,720 Speaker 1: do that. Because now one of my goals for the 130 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:30,600 Speaker 1: year is to watch all of the Harry Potter movies, 131 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:34,760 Speaker 1: which shouldn't be that hard, but I fall asleep during 132 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:37,640 Speaker 1: movies really easily. But then my goal is to read 133 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,600 Speaker 1: the books. And I don't have to do it any year, 134 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:41,800 Speaker 1: but my goal is to read the books. And once 135 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,560 Speaker 1: I read the books, my boyfriend has agreed to plan 136 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:47,440 Speaker 1: a trip to Harry Potter World because that sounds really 137 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:50,520 Speaker 1: fun after watching some of these movies, I want to 138 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:53,960 Speaker 1: go in a world that is created to look like that. Anyway, 139 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,960 Speaker 1: back to the content for today. As I was thinking 140 00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:01,400 Speaker 1: about why maybe I don't or have not try to 141 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:05,320 Speaker 1: set resolutions or follow through with them, what also came up? 142 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:06,600 Speaker 1: Other than the fact I feel like I used to 143 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:08,400 Speaker 1: be forced to do them for no good reason. I 144 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:11,640 Speaker 1: didn't understand it, and it felt like homework. Another thing 145 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:14,520 Speaker 1: that came up was this dilemma that I come back 146 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:19,520 Speaker 1: to pretty often, where I am asking myself and I'm 147 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:23,040 Speaker 1: asking the people around me, how do you strive to 148 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:25,920 Speaker 1: be the best version of yourself and also accept who 149 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:28,440 Speaker 1: you are at the same time. Sometimes those things can 150 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:30,640 Speaker 1: get kind of confident, and they can fight against each other, 151 00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:32,520 Speaker 1: and so how do we hold those things at the 152 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:35,880 Speaker 1: same time? And every year when we have to make 153 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:37,600 Speaker 1: a resolution where we feel like we have to make 154 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:40,600 Speaker 1: a resolution or we should make a resolution, is it 155 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:43,000 Speaker 1: bumping up against the part that wants to accept who 156 00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:46,440 Speaker 1: I am walking into the new year? Or is it 157 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:48,840 Speaker 1: taking away from me when I don't do it, because 158 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:52,160 Speaker 1: I could be striving to enjoy more parts of my life. 159 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:55,200 Speaker 1: So that came up, and as I thought about this, 160 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:59,160 Speaker 1: I also thought about how, historically, for me personally, and 161 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,480 Speaker 1: I think this is a big in the world, new 162 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:05,040 Speaker 1: Year's resolutions have been very shame based. They've been about 163 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:07,600 Speaker 1: losing weight. They were that for me as a kid, 164 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:10,880 Speaker 1: the ones that I can remember, and they were consistently 165 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:15,200 Speaker 1: about changing this big thing about you that you hate 166 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,960 Speaker 1: and taking on this big project. And then those projects 167 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,560 Speaker 1: are just so big, and then you end up not 168 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:23,080 Speaker 1: being able to follow through with them for various reasons. 169 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:25,440 Speaker 1: And then on top of the goal that might also 170 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:29,800 Speaker 1: be shame based, you're then also adding this feeling of 171 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:32,240 Speaker 1: failure because you don't achieve it, and that you can't 172 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:33,640 Speaker 1: achieve things that you put your mind to, and so 173 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:36,400 Speaker 1: what's the point. So all that was going on in 174 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:38,640 Speaker 1: my head, then the other thing that's coming up is 175 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:41,600 Speaker 1: I actually really like fresh starts. I love having a 176 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:44,720 Speaker 1: clean space to walk into, whether that is a new 177 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:48,320 Speaker 1: week or a new day, or a new hour, a 178 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:51,200 Speaker 1: new year, a new month. I like clean spaces where 179 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:54,000 Speaker 1: we get to like start again, and we can take 180 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,160 Speaker 1: what we learned, the good and the bad, and then 181 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,200 Speaker 1: we can also walk into a new space where we 182 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:01,000 Speaker 1: get to use that information. And for me, building a 183 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:05,760 Speaker 1: life that you are are wanting and that you enjoy 184 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:09,960 Speaker 1: and that you love includes being an active participant in 185 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,560 Speaker 1: the building of that life. Like you can't build a 186 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:15,400 Speaker 1: life of all those things without being a participant in 187 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:18,160 Speaker 1: building that. You can't hire somebody to build that for you. 188 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:20,360 Speaker 1: You can go to a therapist, but that therapist can't 189 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,040 Speaker 1: build a life for you. You can find a partner 190 00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:23,600 Speaker 1: where that partner is not going to be building a 191 00:09:23,679 --> 00:09:25,520 Speaker 1: life that you want. You can have kids, but those 192 00:09:25,559 --> 00:09:27,320 Speaker 1: kids are not gonna be building a life that you want. 193 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:30,440 Speaker 1: You have to be an active participant in creating that life. 194 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:34,400 Speaker 1: Which is why I've come to this conclusion over the 195 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:37,839 Speaker 1: past couple of years that I really do like using 196 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:41,360 Speaker 1: the new year as a meeting ground for reevaluation. What 197 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:43,200 Speaker 1: did I really like this year, What did I really 198 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:45,880 Speaker 1: enjoy this year? What did I really not enjoy? What 199 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:49,200 Speaker 1: experiences brought me? Memories and feelings that I want to 200 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,800 Speaker 1: savor and I want to have more of, And then 201 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:56,000 Speaker 1: I want to remember and what feelings and memories I 202 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:57,880 Speaker 1: think that I want to get out of my mind, 203 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:03,240 Speaker 1: Evaluate what happened, what went on, what you want more of, 204 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:05,959 Speaker 1: and what you don't, and then create goals around that. 205 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:10,360 Speaker 1: These questions are very simple, Like they're pretty simple questions. 206 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,480 Speaker 1: You can journal about that in a couple of minutes, 207 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:17,680 Speaker 1: but they lead you to creating a space for you 208 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:21,000 Speaker 1: to walk into where you are better equipped to know 209 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:22,760 Speaker 1: what you want to get out of your life, versus 210 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:25,800 Speaker 1: blindly walking into like doors being like, oh, I wonder 211 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,559 Speaker 1: if this would be better than last time, or I 212 00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:30,280 Speaker 1: wonder if I like this, or oh I don't know 213 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:32,520 Speaker 1: where I'm going, Oh I don't like that. Like, we 214 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:35,160 Speaker 1: can't control everything, but there are ways that we can 215 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:39,120 Speaker 1: set ourselves up to control what we can. Which I 216 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:41,640 Speaker 1: know control is something that comes up in therapy and 217 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:44,439 Speaker 1: people's just digging into their lives a lot, and it's 218 00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:46,720 Speaker 1: something that they are learning to let go of. But 219 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:48,440 Speaker 1: the kind of control that we want to let go 220 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:51,559 Speaker 1: of is the control that leads us nowhere and kind 221 00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:53,440 Speaker 1: of gets us into fights with the world and the 222 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:56,680 Speaker 1: actual rules of how the world works versus and the 223 00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:59,560 Speaker 1: realities rather than rules of how how the world is 224 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:03,560 Speaker 1: versus the control that we do have that it's really 225 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:06,480 Speaker 1: helpful and can actually help us create for fruitful lives. 226 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:15,160 Speaker 1: I also find it very important to pay attention to 227 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:17,920 Speaker 1: your life for the fact that it forces you out 228 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,920 Speaker 1: of victim mode, right victim mentality, and victim mode tells 229 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,560 Speaker 1: you don't pay attention because you can't control life anyway. 230 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:26,080 Speaker 1: It says, just go with the flow. And then it 231 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,400 Speaker 1: gives you a lot of excuses why the world is 232 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:31,120 Speaker 1: against you living a joyful life, because bad things are 233 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,240 Speaker 1: going to happen, and bad things happen to you, and 234 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:34,840 Speaker 1: you're not going to get what you want, and so 235 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,120 Speaker 1: don't pay attention to your life, because what's the point. 236 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,360 Speaker 1: But when you don't pay attention to your life and 237 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:41,839 Speaker 1: you don't get what you want, it's not because life 238 00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:43,680 Speaker 1: is not fair and you can't control things. Is because 239 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:45,400 Speaker 1: you didn't pay attention to your life. That's not the 240 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:49,079 Speaker 1: world's fault that comes back on you. So This doesn't 241 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:51,199 Speaker 1: mean that you have to dissect every aspect of your life. 242 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:53,360 Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that you have to strive for perfection either. 243 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,960 Speaker 1: I don't want those things to get convoluted into any 244 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,520 Speaker 1: of what I'm saying. But it does mean that you 245 00:11:58,559 --> 00:12:00,920 Speaker 1: can't create goals and a health way that set you 246 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,000 Speaker 1: up for a year that you can enjoy parts of. 247 00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:06,120 Speaker 1: So before we talk about some ideas on how to 248 00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:09,040 Speaker 1: actually set yourself up well in doing this, I wanted 249 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:12,640 Speaker 1: to kind of get an idea of if you guys 250 00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:15,560 Speaker 1: out there that listen to this podcast, if you set 251 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:18,240 Speaker 1: New Year's resolutions or if you don't, and why or 252 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:20,720 Speaker 1: why not? So I posted on Instagram a question and 253 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:23,959 Speaker 1: then I pulled some of your answers, and this is 254 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:26,280 Speaker 1: what some of you said about why you don't set 255 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:29,319 Speaker 1: in Year's resolutions. I set small goals throughout the year. 256 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:33,320 Speaker 1: New year resolutions are intimidating. I just start my goals 257 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,800 Speaker 1: when I want, versus waiting for the new year. It 258 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:38,880 Speaker 1: makes me feel pressure versus a fresh start. I never 259 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,440 Speaker 1: stay committed, and I feel like a failure. I just 260 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:44,040 Speaker 1: start when I'm ready. I make goals for my year, 261 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:47,560 Speaker 1: but with no starting point or no timeline, there's too 262 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:50,880 Speaker 1: much pressure. I do a word for the year. Instead, 263 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:53,920 Speaker 1: I create goals throughout throughout the year. I do this 264 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,240 Speaker 1: on my birthday, and that's the year I go by. 265 00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:59,000 Speaker 1: Doing this makes me anxious. I quit making resolutions and 266 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,480 Speaker 1: started making a bucket list. So that was just a 267 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:02,959 Speaker 1: couple of them. But you could even tell in the 268 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,560 Speaker 1: couple that I I am read that there's a theme. 269 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,400 Speaker 1: There is a lot of note. Because I never followed 270 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:10,880 Speaker 1: through makes me feel like a failure. And there's a 271 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:14,200 Speaker 1: lot that said I just start goals when I want so. 272 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:15,760 Speaker 1: Here are some of the wise Here are some of 273 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:19,360 Speaker 1: the reasons why people are creating resolutions and why they 274 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,680 Speaker 1: continue to do so. It's something that I look forward 275 00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:25,400 Speaker 1: to doing every year. I like having things to work towards. 276 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,600 Speaker 1: I make goals rather than resolutions. They give me direction 277 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,800 Speaker 1: throughout the year. It's a good opportunity to build habits 278 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:34,600 Speaker 1: and build on past year's habits. I am the most 279 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:38,240 Speaker 1: consistent and motivated when I have actual goals. I've learned 280 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:40,520 Speaker 1: if you aim at nothing, you miss every time. I 281 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:43,520 Speaker 1: need to find some purpose. I create broad goals of 282 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:47,120 Speaker 1: personal growth. I never get specific and set impossible goals. 283 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:50,720 Speaker 1: I always want to keep learning about myself and it 284 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:53,320 Speaker 1: helps me focus. So in this less what I noticed 285 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:57,280 Speaker 1: is that people who were setting these goals or resolutions, 286 00:13:57,640 --> 00:13:59,840 Speaker 1: and somebody even said I don't I don't do resolutions. 287 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,080 Speaker 1: That feels different. I actually just sent these goals. So 288 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:04,920 Speaker 1: what I noticed in this list is that the people 289 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:09,360 Speaker 1: who said that they do keep resolutions or goals, they 290 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,760 Speaker 1: were focusing on small things rather than I'm going to 291 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:15,000 Speaker 1: completely change my life. They say I'm going to start 292 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,240 Speaker 1: a budget this year, or I want to read more, 293 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,880 Speaker 1: I want to learn how to grow tomatoes. There's these smaller, 294 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:22,880 Speaker 1: attainable goals, and here are some of the things. I 295 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,960 Speaker 1: also asked you, guys, what are the things that you 296 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:27,440 Speaker 1: have done in the past, Goals that you've made, resolutions 297 00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:29,640 Speaker 1: that you've made, that you're actually proud of and that 298 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:33,480 Speaker 1: actually helped you feel good about yourself. And here's some 299 00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:35,920 Speaker 1: of the things that people said. I decided to go 300 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:39,200 Speaker 1: back to therapy. I decided to make a budget and 301 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:41,160 Speaker 1: ended up being able to pay for my car in cash. 302 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,280 Speaker 1: I made it a goal to go back to school 303 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:47,280 Speaker 1: and get my m B a reading for a pleasure, 304 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:50,880 Speaker 1: not a specific goal in books. I just started reading 305 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:54,000 Speaker 1: for a pleasure, stretching every day for five minutes. I 306 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:56,600 Speaker 1: didn't ace this, but it helped me focus on something 307 00:14:56,600 --> 00:15:00,120 Speaker 1: that I need. Drinking more water, lots of read, being 308 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:03,240 Speaker 1: smiling at strangers I have resting bitch face, I love 309 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:06,480 Speaker 1: that one. And focusing on gratitude. So these are examples 310 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,800 Speaker 1: of goals. Some of them feel bigger than others. But 311 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:13,480 Speaker 1: this last one focus on gratitude that can be really small. 312 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:15,920 Speaker 1: It could be something that you do for thirty seconds 313 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:18,720 Speaker 1: a day. The smiling at strangers, that is a little 314 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:20,640 Speaker 1: thing that you work on that actually does make a 315 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:23,920 Speaker 1: big difference. So what I've come to know about goals 316 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:25,880 Speaker 1: and changes that people want to make in their lives 317 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:29,480 Speaker 1: is that sometimes we get paralyzed in the big stuff, 318 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:33,600 Speaker 1: as in, we want these monumental, life changing, instagram worthy feats, 319 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,400 Speaker 1: but there is a lot that goes into that, a 320 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:40,120 Speaker 1: lot that goes into that final Instagram post, which all 321 00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:43,320 Speaker 1: could be goals in and of themselves. And a good 322 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:45,720 Speaker 1: life is not created by running a marathon. Say like, 323 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:47,880 Speaker 1: if that's your resolution, I want to run a marathon 324 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,280 Speaker 1: this year, your year is not gonna be made better 325 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:55,320 Speaker 1: by that marathon. Specifically running the marathon, the four or 326 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,200 Speaker 1: however many hours it takes for you to run that marathon, 327 00:15:57,920 --> 00:15:59,840 Speaker 1: your life is going to be made different or if 328 00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:02,280 Speaker 1: it does end up being a better thing for you 329 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:06,040 Speaker 1: better and how you get to run that marathon. And 330 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:09,560 Speaker 1: this is if you enjoy running. A good life is 331 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:14,120 Speaker 1: not created by you landing a dream job. A good 332 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:17,360 Speaker 1: life is created by actually enjoying that dream job that 333 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:18,960 Speaker 1: you go to every day. And that that's the same 334 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:21,880 Speaker 1: kind of idea. And that's an example. I'm not saying 335 00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:23,480 Speaker 1: that like a good life is just about your job, 336 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,680 Speaker 1: but you know what I mean. So a good life 337 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:28,480 Speaker 1: isn't created just by running that marathon. It's about the 338 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:31,000 Speaker 1: process of what it took to get you to that 339 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:33,280 Speaker 1: place where you could run that marathon. Because it's to 340 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:36,000 Speaker 1: be honest, running a marathon is not that fun the 341 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:40,000 Speaker 1: actual event of it. It's hard and it hurts and 342 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,600 Speaker 1: you need a lot of recovery before and after. Anyway, 343 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,840 Speaker 1: if you ever heard people talk about how, I mean, 344 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,760 Speaker 1: they've had it all and they still didn't feel happy, 345 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:53,800 Speaker 1: this is simply because you having a happy life is 346 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,560 Speaker 1: not in the end result of having it all. The 347 00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:59,000 Speaker 1: end result can be fun and exciting, but it is 348 00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:01,400 Speaker 1: a small part of the in between stuff that actually 349 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:03,880 Speaker 1: is your life. That is something that you probably have 350 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:07,560 Speaker 1: heard people say before. It is something that just doesn't 351 00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:10,320 Speaker 1: sink in the way I really wish it sunk in 352 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:13,119 Speaker 1: with people, because we still go when we say no, 353 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:16,399 Speaker 1: I want that thing versus I want that process. No 354 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,320 Speaker 1: one really cares, f y I if you read a 355 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,920 Speaker 1: hundred books this year, nobody cares. And I'm sure when 356 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,800 Speaker 1: you do it, if you complete that goal and you 357 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:29,040 Speaker 1: finally post, like let's say, on Instagram or TikTok or something, 358 00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:31,520 Speaker 1: that you read a hundred books, I bet that that 359 00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:33,880 Speaker 1: felt good. And I bet that you've got some comments 360 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:37,040 Speaker 1: and feedback and likes. That felt good. But then that 361 00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:40,359 Speaker 1: post is over, and then what and then what did 362 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,600 Speaker 1: you do all that for that ten minutes of excitement 363 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,359 Speaker 1: when you got to post and tell people about it. 364 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,600 Speaker 1: Did you do this just so you could tell people 365 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,879 Speaker 1: about it, or did you do it because you actually 366 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,760 Speaker 1: enjoyed the process of doing it. You like to read, 367 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,399 Speaker 1: and you read some stories that were really good, and 368 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,919 Speaker 1: you learned some stuff that was really interesting. If you 369 00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:59,520 Speaker 1: don't like to read, and you made a goal to 370 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:01,800 Speaker 1: read a hunt of books and you read a hundred books. 371 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:04,640 Speaker 1: Then you just spent a lot of time doing something 372 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,760 Speaker 1: that you hate or maybe just don't like by choice. 373 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:11,639 Speaker 1: That wasn't very beneficial to you. And my question for 374 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:13,800 Speaker 1: the people out there who are still fighting themselves in 375 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,240 Speaker 1: this big goal only world is if no one would 376 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:20,000 Speaker 1: get to know about you achieving the goal, if you 377 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,560 Speaker 1: couldn't talk about it or post about it on social media, 378 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:26,360 Speaker 1: would you still do it now? It would be very 379 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:28,960 Speaker 1: different if you were like, I'm not a reader and 380 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,280 Speaker 1: I want to see if I like to read, and 381 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,560 Speaker 1: so I'm gonna make a goal to read for fun 382 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:36,920 Speaker 1: this year to try it out, kind of how I 383 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:38,320 Speaker 1: was with Harry Potter. I don't know if I like 384 00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:39,919 Speaker 1: Hary Potter. I'm gonna try it out and guess what, 385 00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:42,000 Speaker 1: I liked it. So then I created a goal around 386 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,080 Speaker 1: Harry Potter. But if you just create a goal, it's 387 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:45,679 Speaker 1: like I'm gonna read a hundred books. But like you 388 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,200 Speaker 1: don't like to read or you don't like to read 389 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:51,840 Speaker 1: that much? Was that worth it? Because you spent a 390 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,800 Speaker 1: lot of time doing something that you chose to do 391 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,880 Speaker 1: that might not have helped you, and took away time 392 00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:59,760 Speaker 1: that you could be doing something else that you do enjoy. 393 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,960 Speaker 1: One of the most important keys in creating any goal, 394 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,120 Speaker 1: not just in your resolution where now this is any goal, 395 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,000 Speaker 1: this is just a good time to create some goals, 396 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,320 Speaker 1: is that the goal is actually achievable. It has to 397 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,879 Speaker 1: be less about the end result and more about the process. 398 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:17,399 Speaker 1: And maybe you're thinking, like what no, I was taught 399 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,080 Speaker 1: like keep your eye on the prize, like that's how 400 00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:22,440 Speaker 1: you get to the finish line. Ensure you can do that. 401 00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:24,840 Speaker 1: But I also think you can get more out of 402 00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:27,120 Speaker 1: what you're set in your mind to if you ask yourself, 403 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,600 Speaker 1: why is it that I want to achieve that prize? 404 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:33,680 Speaker 1: And then you make the goal about that. You make 405 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,520 Speaker 1: the goal about the why you wanted to do that 406 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:38,919 Speaker 1: big scary thing before you set a goal, before you 407 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:41,920 Speaker 1: set a resolution, and ask yourself, is this created based 408 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,840 Speaker 1: on what somebody else or what I think society says 409 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:47,160 Speaker 1: I should change or says I should do, or says 410 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:50,119 Speaker 1: I might get some validation from or is this something 411 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,840 Speaker 1: that I'm creating because this feels like I want to 412 00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:55,880 Speaker 1: try this out, and if nobody knew I was doing this, 413 00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:59,360 Speaker 1: I still would want to do it. So let's talk 414 00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:03,679 Speaker 1: about that again. One of the most popular new resolutions, 415 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:07,320 Speaker 1: one of the most popular goals out there lose weight. 416 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,720 Speaker 1: So let's say your goal is to lose a hundred pounds. Okay, 417 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:13,000 Speaker 1: why why do you want to lose a hundred pounds? 418 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:15,359 Speaker 1: Answer that, like, without any judgment. I just want you 419 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:17,920 Speaker 1: to tell me why, and then let that kind of flow. 420 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,560 Speaker 1: A bunch of stuff might come out. Some of that 421 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,040 Speaker 1: might be I want to take care of my body, 422 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,320 Speaker 1: or I wanna be able to go on hikes with 423 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,280 Speaker 1: my partner, or I want to have more energy, or 424 00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:33,080 Speaker 1: I want to build confidence in myself. Those are your goals. 425 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:39,080 Speaker 1: Those are your goals. And sure, the headline of woman 426 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:42,600 Speaker 1: puts her mind to loving herself and gains confidence might 427 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:46,760 Speaker 1: not be as catchy and exciting as woman loses a 428 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:50,879 Speaker 1: hundred pounds, But New Year's resolutions personal goals aren't supposed 429 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:53,000 Speaker 1: to be created to get you likes on Instagram. They 430 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:56,560 Speaker 1: are supposed to be created to get you to like 431 00:20:56,640 --> 00:21:00,280 Speaker 1: how you're living your life. Those are two pretty different inks, 432 00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:02,919 Speaker 1: Because if I focused all my time on how to 433 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:06,800 Speaker 1: get legs on Instagram, I might be living a completely 434 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,640 Speaker 1: different life than I really want. To live those big 435 00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:12,080 Speaker 1: goals that ignore the process and they're just about getting 436 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,760 Speaker 1: to that end result means you won't be achieving something 437 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:18,240 Speaker 1: until you achieve it. Right, You're going to lose every 438 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,280 Speaker 1: day until you win one time. If I'm my goal 439 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,320 Speaker 1: is to run a marathon, I'm going to be not 440 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:24,399 Speaker 1: running a marathon until I run a marathon. If my 441 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:26,359 Speaker 1: goal is to be is to lose a hundred pounds, 442 00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:28,000 Speaker 1: I'm not going to lose a hundred pounds until I 443 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,159 Speaker 1: lose a hundred pounds. If my goal is to go 444 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,480 Speaker 1: on a ten mile hike with my partner, I'm going 445 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,640 Speaker 1: to not be doing that until I actually do that. 446 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:37,520 Speaker 1: But if my goal is to spend more time outside 447 00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:40,000 Speaker 1: with my partner, if my goal is to build confidence 448 00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,280 Speaker 1: in myself, there are things that I can do every 449 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:45,439 Speaker 1: day that that feel good to me. You can be 450 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:48,080 Speaker 1: doing that every single day and winning every single day 451 00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:50,560 Speaker 1: verse and you're not getting to this end result within 452 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:53,680 Speaker 1: you post. Right, my goals to again the hundred books, 453 00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:55,240 Speaker 1: read a hundred books, I'm not going to be reading 454 00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:56,920 Speaker 1: a hundred books until I get to the hundred books. 455 00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:58,160 Speaker 1: And then I get to the hundred books, and then 456 00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:00,639 Speaker 1: what do I do. But if my goal is I 457 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,480 Speaker 1: want to spend more time and give myself more time 458 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,679 Speaker 1: to do something that I love, like reading, then you 459 00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:08,679 Speaker 1: get to do that every day and you get to 460 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:13,879 Speaker 1: experience the goodness of achieving that goal every single day. 461 00:22:14,119 --> 00:22:18,080 Speaker 1: You're setting yourself up and you're you're creating a mindset 462 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:21,159 Speaker 1: that's about doing things that are good for you versus 463 00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:23,680 Speaker 1: torturing yourself for the sake of a goal that might 464 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:27,280 Speaker 1: not even be necessary. Again, it's a very important to 465 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:30,280 Speaker 1: ask myself and ask yourself why why do I want 466 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,800 Speaker 1: to create this goal, because that might actually lead you 467 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:35,160 Speaker 1: to another goal. If my why was to lose fifteen 468 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:38,360 Speaker 1: pounds because I want to feel more confident, I want 469 00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:40,080 Speaker 1: to be able to go hiking with my partner, I 470 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,680 Speaker 1: want to better my health. Like I said, a goal 471 00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:46,439 Speaker 1: to lose fifty pounds might not achieve those things. They 472 00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:49,160 Speaker 1: could even take you further from it. And that's why 473 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,840 Speaker 1: a lot of times people get tired of setting goals 474 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:54,840 Speaker 1: and setting resolutions and they don't have faith in themselves 475 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:56,640 Speaker 1: that they can follow through with things because they set 476 00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:59,480 Speaker 1: these goals that actually aren't things that they really care about, 477 00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:02,399 Speaker 1: even though they think they care about them, and then 478 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:05,639 Speaker 1: you can't follow through with them because they're unrealistic, and 479 00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:09,280 Speaker 1: then you create more and more evident on how you 480 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:12,119 Speaker 1: shouldn't set goals, or you can't set goals, or you 481 00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:14,560 Speaker 1: can't stick to things, when that has nothing to do 482 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:17,000 Speaker 1: with it. You're setting yourself up from failure, and the 483 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,199 Speaker 1: world kind of as create a space for us to 484 00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:21,760 Speaker 1: do that from the beginning. So what we want to 485 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,320 Speaker 1: do is set ourselves up for success from the beginning. 486 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:27,200 Speaker 1: Little success every day, because that's what's going to keep 487 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:36,760 Speaker 1: you going. To close this out, I want to talk 488 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:38,720 Speaker 1: about one more thing that I asked you guys about 489 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:41,520 Speaker 1: on Instagram, and that was things that you told me 490 00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:45,399 Speaker 1: you wanted to leave in, some of them more funny, 491 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:49,359 Speaker 1: like uh, somebody who said they want men who don't 492 00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:52,000 Speaker 1: fish to stop wearing Bass Pro Shop hats, which is 493 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:55,720 Speaker 1: a very interesting trend to me because I don't really 494 00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:59,439 Speaker 1: understand that in the sense that I don't get the 495 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,879 Speaker 1: are of the Bass Pro Shop truck or hat, and 496 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:05,359 Speaker 1: so if I'm not a fisser, why am I wearing 497 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,880 Speaker 1: that hat? But then I started thinking about it more 498 00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:09,560 Speaker 1: and then I was like, oh, it's kind of like 499 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,920 Speaker 1: how people wear band T shirts and they've never listened 500 00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:13,800 Speaker 1: to the band's music. It's just like the style that 501 00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:16,239 Speaker 1: they like versus like they like that music. And I 502 00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:20,399 Speaker 1: get that. I totally get it. So if it's coming 503 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,080 Speaker 1: from me, I don't care if you wear the best 504 00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:24,200 Speaker 1: Pro Shop hat. But I did think that was funny, 505 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:27,119 Speaker 1: so kudos to who ever said that. Also, noon was 506 00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:29,719 Speaker 1: one of the ones which I can't control what the 507 00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:31,760 Speaker 1: diet world does out there. I can control what diets 508 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,120 Speaker 1: come out. There's always going to be new diets. I'm 509 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,320 Speaker 1: not going to ever encourage somebody to do them, and 510 00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:38,520 Speaker 1: I'm going to talk about why they aren't very helpful 511 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:41,040 Speaker 1: all day long. But my main thing with New Miss 512 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,480 Speaker 1: I just rather than just like them going away, I 513 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:45,719 Speaker 1: just want them to like admit what they are and 514 00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,040 Speaker 1: admit that they're a diet because they refuse to acknowledge that, 515 00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:51,360 Speaker 1: which I can't control that either, but it would be nice. 516 00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:54,720 Speaker 1: And then somebody else said crop tops, which and craptops 517 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,600 Speaker 1: don't bother me, but sometimes I am like, I wish 518 00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:00,600 Speaker 1: this was like the days where we wore these umpire 519 00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:04,240 Speaker 1: waste like baggy tank tops everywhere and I don't know 520 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:08,359 Speaker 1: clothes were more comfortable, but they're cute, so for the 521 00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:12,120 Speaker 1: sake of fashion, I guess anyway, Really, what you guys 522 00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:14,480 Speaker 1: said is there is a lot of overwhelming majority of 523 00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:17,960 Speaker 1: two main things, and those things were that you want 524 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:21,440 Speaker 1: to leave people pleasing and you want to leave comparing 525 00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:25,119 Speaker 1: yourself to everyone slash caring more about what other people 526 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:28,520 Speaker 1: think about you than what you think about you. And 527 00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:31,800 Speaker 1: I thought that was pretty interesting that that, I mean 528 00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:35,480 Speaker 1: overwhelming majority of you guys said those two things or 529 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:37,600 Speaker 1: some version of that. So I thought that was very 530 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:41,240 Speaker 1: interesting as it pertains to just setting these goals and 531 00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:43,640 Speaker 1: asking ourselves the why behind the what when it comes 532 00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:45,640 Speaker 1: to our goals. So I want to give you guys 533 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:49,159 Speaker 1: a little challenge. Even if you don't typically make New 534 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:52,800 Speaker 1: Year's resolutions, I want to encourage you to try this. 535 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:56,680 Speaker 1: Create a small goal this year, TN tiny small goal 536 00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:00,880 Speaker 1: that has nothing to do with any outside validation. It's 537 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:03,399 Speaker 1: all about something that just is interesting to you, as 538 00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:06,200 Speaker 1: weird as it might seem. Somebody might not think it's cool, 539 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:07,760 Speaker 1: somebody might not care about it. That's not the point. 540 00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:11,160 Speaker 1: It's about what you care about. I want this goals 541 00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:14,320 Speaker 1: wow factor to come from how it makes you feel 542 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:19,760 Speaker 1: consistently versus one time Okay, So our spulations are has 543 00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:23,200 Speaker 1: nothing to do with outside validation. So you could even 544 00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:25,760 Speaker 1: challenge yourself to not post this on social media. Right 545 00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:28,639 Speaker 1: if I use that idea, If I could not post 546 00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:31,320 Speaker 1: this on on social media, would I still do it? Okay? 547 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:33,960 Speaker 1: And then the other part is the wow factor comes 548 00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:37,560 Speaker 1: from how it makes you feel consistently versus a one 549 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:42,200 Speaker 1: big time wi who moment. So write those goals down 550 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:46,600 Speaker 1: and then you can d m them to me. I'm 551 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:48,879 Speaker 1: gonna make a list of these goals. I'm going to 552 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,919 Speaker 1: keep them. I might share them on couch talks and 553 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:53,359 Speaker 1: I'll give you a couple of weeks to do this. 554 00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:55,000 Speaker 1: But I might share them on couch shops or I 555 00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,040 Speaker 1: might just keep keep them and then I'll talk about 556 00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:59,879 Speaker 1: them next year. So you have some accountability for me, 557 00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:02,560 Speaker 1: because I do believe there's power in speaking your goals, 558 00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:05,880 Speaker 1: getting account accountability, and asking for helping them because it's 559 00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,360 Speaker 1: hard to do most things alone. But I don't want 560 00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:10,399 Speaker 1: this to be something that you're flashing all over Instagram 561 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,520 Speaker 1: to get that light count up and to get some 562 00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:15,919 Speaker 1: attention that we mistake for love and belonging. So I 563 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:17,719 Speaker 1: want you to send them to me, and then we're 564 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:20,320 Speaker 1: gonna check in next year and see how it went. 565 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:25,000 Speaker 1: But again, the sipulations nothing to do with outside validation, 566 00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:27,600 Speaker 1: and a goal that's wild factor comes from how it 567 00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,960 Speaker 1: makes me feel consistently versus one time. It's gonna be 568 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:33,440 Speaker 1: an exercise and pulling us out of this. I'm doing 569 00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:35,240 Speaker 1: this to please other people and to make other people 570 00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:38,920 Speaker 1: happy and and not rough full feathers within what they 571 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:40,600 Speaker 1: want for me in my life or what I want 572 00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:43,600 Speaker 1: from me in my life. And also, uh, it's taking 573 00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:47,280 Speaker 1: away this idea that I'm creating a goal to meet 574 00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:50,480 Speaker 1: someone else's life where they are right. I see somebody 575 00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:52,760 Speaker 1: else's life. I want that. So I'm going to create 576 00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:56,000 Speaker 1: a goal that gets me there versus not knowing really 577 00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:58,000 Speaker 1: what really goes on with that person's life, and is 578 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:00,480 Speaker 1: focusing on what I want from my life outside of 579 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:03,240 Speaker 1: what other people are doing. So send those to me. 580 00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:05,080 Speaker 1: I'm gonna keep a list. I can't wait to hear 581 00:28:05,119 --> 00:28:07,879 Speaker 1: what they are already told you guys what mine is, 582 00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:10,320 Speaker 1: so use that as an example. I'm going to watch 583 00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:13,760 Speaker 1: Harry Potter movies and I'm going to start to read 584 00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,480 Speaker 1: the books and I don't care if some many things 585 00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:18,879 Speaker 1: it's cool. I don't think if some many things it's nerdy. 586 00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:22,320 Speaker 1: But I'm really enjoying it so far. And actually, when 587 00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:23,960 Speaker 1: I get to the end of this in my piece, 588 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:25,960 Speaker 1: you know how like when you reach your goal, you're like, Oh, 589 00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:28,119 Speaker 1: it feels so good. I'm gonna be like, oh, I 590 00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:29,920 Speaker 1: want to keep doing it because I don't want those 591 00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:31,480 Speaker 1: to be over. So maybe by the time I get 592 00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:33,119 Speaker 1: to the end of the movies, they'll come out with 593 00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:36,280 Speaker 1: a new one, because there's a lot of them, and 594 00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:38,040 Speaker 1: I feel like if they made eight, they could make 595 00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:41,280 Speaker 1: nine anyway. So that's going to do it for me today. 596 00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:43,960 Speaker 1: Send me those goals. I hope you guys are having 597 00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:45,920 Speaker 1: the first week of the new year that you need 598 00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:51,240 Speaker 1: to have whether that's good, bad, in between, hard, easy, exciting, 599 00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:54,120 Speaker 1: And if you don't follow me on Instagram, you can 600 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:56,440 Speaker 1: do that at cat dot de Fatah or at You 601 00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:59,280 Speaker 1: Need Therapy podcast. Thank you guys for walking into the 602 00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:01,320 Speaker 1: new year with me. I'm really excited to see what 603 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,560 Speaker 1: comes of these goals and just what comes of this 604 00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,320 Speaker 1: year in general, and what comes of Harry Potter, because 605 00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:08,800 Speaker 1: I have some theories and I will share maybe I'll 606 00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:10,320 Speaker 1: do a whole podcast on what I thought was going 607 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:13,040 Speaker 1: to happen and what happened. What I'm saying is, you 608 00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,480 Speaker 1: need Therapy is soon to be turning into you Need 609 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:17,280 Speaker 1: Harry Potter, and that's it's going to be a Harry 610 00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,880 Speaker 1: Potter podcast. Don't worry. I'm not going to do that. 611 00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:21,680 Speaker 1: But I'm sure there has to be a Harry Potter 612 00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:24,600 Speaker 1: podcast out there if you if you know a good one, 613 00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:27,280 Speaker 1: let me know. No spoilers though, because like I said, 614 00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:30,520 Speaker 1: I am only the sixth movie. Okay, I gotta go. 615 00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:33,160 Speaker 1: I hope you guys again have the first week of 616 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,520 Speaker 1: the year that you need to have. Thanks for being here, 617 00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:37,000 Speaker 1: and I will talk to you guys on Wednesday for 618 00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:37,600 Speaker 1: couch Stocks