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Speaker 1: Loka Tora Radio is a radiophonic novella.

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Speaker 2: Which is just a very extra way of saying a podcast.

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Speaker 1: I'm Deosa m.

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Speaker 2: And I am Mala.

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Speaker 1: Munos Lokatra Radio is yr Brima's favorite podcast, hosted by

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Speaker 1: us Mala and Viosa.

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Speaker 2: We're two ig friends turned podcast partners, breaking down pop culture, feminism,

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Speaker 2: sexual wellness, and offering fresh takes on trending topics through

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Speaker 2: nuanced interviews with up and coming LATINX creatives.

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Speaker 1: Known as Las Lokatas, Las Mammis of Myth and Bullshit

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Speaker 1: and Las borgas Prosas. We were podcasting independently since twenty sixteen,

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Speaker 1: but joined iHeartMedia's Microtura network in twenty twenty two.

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Speaker 2: This year, we're continuing to share stories from the LATINX community.

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Speaker 2: Bartol Mundo, Welcome to season eight. Are you listening.

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Speaker 1: Ola La Loka Motives. Welcome to Season eight of Loka

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Speaker 1: Tora Radio.

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Speaker 2: I'm the Osa and I'm Mala.

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Speaker 1: You're tuning in to Capitolo one sixty eight.

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Speaker 2: Now, before we dive into our mini series, we want

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Speaker 2: to invite all of our Loka Motives to the my

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Speaker 2: Kultura podcast networks to your anniversary live show.

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Speaker 1: We'll be hosting a live show which is really just

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Speaker 1: a live recording of Loka Tora Radio in front of

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Speaker 1: a live audience, and that could be you, along with

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Speaker 1: Curly and Maya of Super Secret Bessies Club and Cheeky's

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Speaker 1: Like the Cheeky Ribera of the Cheeky's and Chill Podcast.

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Speaker 2: It's this Thursday, August seventeenth at the iHeart Theater in Burbank.

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Speaker 2: The show will be hosted by DJ Lacero with music

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Speaker 2: by our good friend DJ Sizzle. And if you're not

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Speaker 2: able to attend the live show in person, you can

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Speaker 2: still join us virtually. It will be available to stream

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Speaker 2: starting August twenty eighth, so you can tune in from anywhere.

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Speaker 1: So today we are concluding our mental health mini series

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Speaker 1: and along the way we've talked to Adriana Alejandre of

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Speaker 1: LATINX Therapy about grieving Danny Fernandez about mental health advocacy

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Speaker 1: and being online and Sad Girls with Midianjuades and Sasha

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Speaker 1: Roblis of Homegirl Gonzerjos.

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Speaker 2: We have also talked about being Deluluu. And today we're

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Speaker 2: continuing this series and the series of conversations by talking

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Speaker 2: about therapy speak and what exactly is therapy speak. It's

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Speaker 2: something that has gotten a lot of attention and airtime

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Speaker 2: over the past couple years, so we wanted to do

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Speaker 2: a little bit of a dive.

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Speaker 1: So basically, therapy speak is when people take the terms

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Speaker 1: they use in therapy and apply them to their daily lives,

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Speaker 1: to their relationships. And sometimes it's used out of context.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes it's not. We all want to go to therapy

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Speaker 1: and take what we learn and apply it. But Vanity Fair, Vox,

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Speaker 1: The New Yorker, and others have done extensive reporting on

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Speaker 1: therapy speak, so we're going to link those articles in

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Speaker 1: the show notes so that y'all can check it out.

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Speaker 1: I did want to quote one of the articles by

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Speaker 1: Vanity Fair and journalist Delia Kai interviewed Esther Peril, who

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Speaker 1: is a pretty famous therapist and author. She wrote this

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Speaker 1: very famous book that was actually recommended to me by

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Speaker 1: my therapist, called Mating in Captivity. Her take on therapy

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Speaker 1: speak is that it's actually making people lonelier. When she

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Speaker 1: talks about therapy speak, she is really saying that there's

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Speaker 1: kind of a danger there because when you're just calling

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Speaker 1: something gaslighting, where you're just calling something trauma bonding, you're

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Speaker 1: really taking it out of the context of a therapy session.

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Speaker 1: And so I thought that that was really important for

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Speaker 1: us to share today as we talk about boundary setting

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Speaker 1: and using therapy speak.

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Speaker 2: And it's something that we've been covering for a long time,

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Speaker 2: the way that this therapy language shows up on the

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Speaker 2: Internet in particular and in the comment section and in

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Speaker 2: content that folks are making across platforms. And then we

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Speaker 2: see examples from real people and how folks in their

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Speaker 2: day to day interactions in their relationships are weaponizing therapy speaks.

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Speaker 2: So the most recent example that I think was got

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Speaker 2: a lot of attention were the leaked text messages from

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Speaker 2: Jonah Hill. His ex girlfriend shared some text messages that

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Speaker 2: he sent her where he's basically demanding that she removed

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Speaker 2: pictures of herself from her own Instagram account where she's

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Speaker 2: wearing a bikini. And now this woman is a surfer.

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Speaker 2: We're in California. People were bikinis and they put them

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Speaker 2: on the ground. Very normal, very Cotitian, very like boring, honestly.

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Speaker 2: But Jonah Hill in his text to his ex girlfriend

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Speaker 2: stating that his request that she removed her photos is

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Speaker 2: because of a boundary. He has right that his girlfriend

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Speaker 2: shouldn't be posting bikini pictures of herself because that's his boundary,

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Speaker 2: when really it's good old fashioned misogyny. It's good old

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Speaker 2: fashioned jealousy, and it's a good old fashioned control issue.

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Speaker 2: But he's calling it. Jonah Hill has famously been in

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Speaker 2: therapy and has had a therapist, and has even gone

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Speaker 2: so far as to put out a docuseriies a documentary

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Speaker 2: with his therapist. It's called Stuts. And in this work,

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Speaker 2: he is in conversation with his therapist on camera. So

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Speaker 2: it's just so fascinating that that has sort of been

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Speaker 2: part of his public image and public brand and public work.

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Speaker 2: And now we see the way that he's utilizing whatever

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Speaker 2: he got out of therapy in a negative way with

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Speaker 2: his ex girlfriend. So these are the types of things

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Speaker 2: that we want to just continue to talk about, and

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Speaker 2: I think that our guest is going to help us

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Speaker 2: to shed some light on this trend and on this behavior. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I love that you mentioned that it's not a boundary,

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Speaker 1: it's just good old fashioned misogyny, because I think we

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Speaker 1: have all had that experience where an ex or a

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Speaker 1: partner has told us I don't want you to wear this.

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Speaker 1: I don't want you to wear that. Don't post this,

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Speaker 1: don't post that. And we know that that's not a boundary, right,

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Speaker 1: But I think this is the first time that we're

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Speaker 1: seeing at this large scale that someone is actually calling

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Speaker 1: it a boundary instead of saying instead of saying this

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Speaker 1: is controlling, this is a red flag, this is misogynistic behavior,

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Speaker 1: They're going to say that it's a boundary, which again

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Speaker 1: goes back to weaponizing these terms that have been created

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Speaker 1: to help us be better people, to be better in relationships,

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Speaker 1: and now they're being weaponized and taken out of context.

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Speaker 1: So we are going to be chatting with licensed social

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Speaker 1: worker Gloria Osborne Schieler and founder of Glow and Therapy,

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Speaker 1: and we're going to be talking to her about boundaries

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Speaker 1: and why it's so hard for Latinas in particular to

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Speaker 1: set boundaries.

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Speaker 2: My name is Gloria Osborne Schieler. I'm a licensed clinical

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Speaker 2: social worker, mental health therapist, owner and creator of Glow

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Speaker 2: in Therapy, a private practice that allows me to provide

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Speaker 2: a space for women and couples of color to learn

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Speaker 2: about how to improve their self care and self love practices.

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Speaker 2: All while improving their relationships. I identify as a verse

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Speaker 2: gen Afro Latina Panamania from Panama but raised here in

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Speaker 2: La So. I also identify as an American Panamanian American.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us today.

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Speaker 2: Can you talk to us about glow in Therapy, when

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Speaker 2: it got started, the mission, and how it's going, what

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Speaker 2: you're doing with it. Yes. So, glow in Therapy is

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Speaker 2: a virtual therapy space that actually got started right before

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Speaker 2: the pandemic in October of twenty nineteen, so I'll be

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Speaker 2: coming up on four years pretty soon. And it started

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Speaker 2: off as me just wanting to dip my toes into

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Speaker 2: private practice. I had some experience with telehealth, and I

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Speaker 2: chose to create this space, glow In Therapy, and the

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Speaker 2: premise was to really provide women and later couples of

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Speaker 2: color with the space to work on their self love,

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Speaker 2: self care and to strengthen their relationships. And I integrate

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Speaker 2: a lot of mental health evidence based interventions. I'm certified

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Speaker 2: and quite a few things. But it's also a unique

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Speaker 2: space because as I integrate a lot of holistic ancestral

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Speaker 2: practices into the therapy space as well. So typically the

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Speaker 2: clients that end up aligning with glow in Therapy's mission,

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Speaker 2: which is all about finding your freedom and your glow

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Speaker 2: in therapy, realigning with that inner light. A lot of

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Speaker 2: these clients are people who want the therapy but also

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Speaker 2: want the space or the permission to talk about crystals,

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Speaker 2: to talk about astrology, to talk about spirituality, and how

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Speaker 2: that becomes integrated into their healing journey as they're also

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Speaker 2: working through their mental health challenges.

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Speaker 1: I know that do you do a lot of work

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Speaker 1: around boundary setting and we hear this word a lot,

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Speaker 1: especially on TikTok online. Like that word boundary has been

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Speaker 1: in the lexicon for many years now as mental health

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Speaker 1: therapy and words become more mainstream. But I just wanted

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Speaker 1: to get to the basics and ask you to define

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Speaker 1: a boundary. We use it all the time, but what

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Speaker 1: is a boundary?

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Speaker 2: That's a great question. So I see a boundary as

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Speaker 2: an effective tool, of an effective method to really just

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Speaker 2: protect your space, your enner piece, to really just navigate

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Speaker 2: life and the things that we experience. Sometimes we are

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Speaker 2: going to be confronted with things that make us feel

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Speaker 2: uncomfortable or have a second guessing, and when we're armed

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Speaker 2: with tools such as boundaries, which is just really an

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Speaker 2: affirmative statement, clarification about something. I think they can help

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Speaker 2: us work through some of those things that might make

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Speaker 2: us feel unsettled at times. I think in life we

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Speaker 2: hear about all these different types of boundaries, Like there's

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Speaker 2: professional boundaries. It's like very clear what is an appropriate

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Speaker 2: thing to do at work and what's not, and like

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Speaker 2: setting those boundaries with your boss and with your coworkers.

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Speaker 2: But I think for us and for our listeners, we

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Speaker 2: are really interested in the more personal boundaries, like setting

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Speaker 2: boundaries with family, friends, community, and doing it in a

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Speaker 2: healthy way. And I'm sure that that's something that's come

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Speaker 2: up with you and your practice. Absolutely so for me,

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Speaker 2: a lot of my clients are also first gen LATINX

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Speaker 2: or second generation LATINX and growing up in a Latino household.

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Speaker 2: Over the years, learning through my clients and also to

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Speaker 2: my own personal experiences, I feel that we come from

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Speaker 2: a culture that conditions us to put the other person first.

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Speaker 2: We're often catering to you go over your mom's house,

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Speaker 2: and what does she do? She's like giving you food?

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Speaker 2: Do you need something to drink? Do you need graceries

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Speaker 2: to take back with you? Do you need your clothes wash.

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Speaker 2: So it's always this preoccupation of other people or other

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Speaker 2: people saved, do other people feel comfortable? And so I

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Speaker 2: think as a result as a Latina growing up in

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Speaker 2: a home where we're conditioned to take care of others,

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Speaker 2: we go out into the real world, into the work settings,

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Speaker 2: into the friendship setting, into the relationship settings, and we're

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Speaker 2: constantly we're preconditioned to be preoccupied about other So setting

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Speaker 2: the boundaries or speaking up for what we need becomes

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Speaker 2: more difficult because we don't know how to do that.

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Speaker 2: It hasn't been modeled for us. So when we think

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Speaker 2: about setting personal boundaries for anybody that might be listening

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Speaker 2: who identifies as a Latina, I hear you. It's difficult.

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Speaker 2: It's hard to say, you know what, I don't like that,

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Speaker 2: because we might fear that other person rejecting us, or

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Speaker 2: that other person not liking us, or us making them mad.

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Speaker 2: But when we set that boundary where we're not only

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Speaker 2: showing up for ourselves, but we're also too I think

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Speaker 2: demonstrating what it looks like to speak up for what

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Speaker 2: we might be needing in that relationship or in that friendship.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that example. Of that you gave about

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Speaker 1: going to your mom's house, and she's providing you with

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Speaker 1: all these things. She's catering to you, she's serving you.

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Speaker 1: And that really makes me think about how women in particular,

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Speaker 1: especially if for talking from a LATINX or Latina cultural background,

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Speaker 1: we are conditioned to serve. And so, speaking specifically to

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Speaker 1: the Latinas or the women listening, like, how do we

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Speaker 1: work towards breaking that cycle of we're going to serve

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Speaker 1: everybody else but ourselves or we come second.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a really great question. And I often assisting

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Speaker 2: my clients work through this because they might show up

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Speaker 2: in therapy and they can say, Groya, I hear you.

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Speaker 2: That boundary sounds really great, but I just don't see

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Speaker 2: myself being able to set that boundary or I just

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Speaker 2: don't I don't know what that looks like, right, And

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Speaker 2: how we begin to break out of this, or why

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Speaker 2: we're breaking out of this is to really just show

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Speaker 2: ourselves like, Okay, I have been working through this, I

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Speaker 2: have been dealing with this. I'm so used to things

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Speaker 2: being this particular way, but I can I can work

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Speaker 2: through this. I want something different for myself. We begin

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Speaker 2: to show up and say I'm really tired of For example,

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Speaker 2: you know this happens to me every time every time I,

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Speaker 2: you know, talk to my mom, I call her. This

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Speaker 2: is an example I hear from a lot of my clients.

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Speaker 2: So I'm sure some of the listeners might resonate. You

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Speaker 2: call your mom and maybe the first thing she says

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Speaker 2: is you never call me anymore. You haven't called me

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Speaker 2: in a really long time, or I would have been

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Speaker 2: dying if you called, or you know, it's like, oh

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Speaker 2: what a thing. Maybe I'm just this, you know, and

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Speaker 2: instead of just appreciating that call, right And so, what

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Speaker 2: I have encouraged my clients to do is say, man,

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Speaker 2: it sounds like you really missed me, I really missed

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Speaker 2: you too, which is why I'm giving you this call.

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Speaker 2: So listening for what the other person might be trying

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Speaker 2: to communicate to you. When a mom says, you know,

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Speaker 2: you didn't call me or you haven't called me enough,

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Speaker 2: what she's really saying is I wish you'd called me

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Speaker 2: more often. And oftentimes our parents are coming from countries

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Speaker 2: experiences generational traumas where they didn't have the permission or

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Speaker 2: the space to really learn there's another more effective way

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Speaker 2: to be able to express a need that you might

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Speaker 2: be needing in the moment, you know, And I think

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Speaker 2: just showing them, showing up with love and recognizing I

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Speaker 2: don't have to get defensive with my mom. I don't

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Speaker 2: have to shut her down. I also don't have to

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Speaker 2: submit to what she's saying. But I can. I can

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Speaker 2: say what I'm hearing her say. What is she really

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Speaker 2: meaning behind what she's stating to me right now? I

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Speaker 2: love that example you gave about the phone call my

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Speaker 2: grandma in particular, Nabia Meyama, and she's on the phone

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Speaker 2: all day, every day with somebody constantly. But I appreciate

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Speaker 2: that shift in perspective even for us, you know, how

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Speaker 2: can we be more understanding even as we're setting boundaries, Like,

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Speaker 2: you know, everybody has their own trauma, and how do

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Speaker 2: we approach this without being cold or you know, or

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Speaker 2: lacking empathy? I think coming from a space grace and compassion.

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Speaker 2: That's the motto, Like how can I show up? Am

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Speaker 2: I leading with love? That is such an important question.

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Speaker 2: I'm constantly sharing two my clients who are working through

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Speaker 2: very difficult relationships or trying to the family relationships. You know,

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Speaker 2: It's like how do we make the relationships better because

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Speaker 2: it's not everybody is showing up in the therapy space,

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Speaker 2: But how can I still kind of let what I'm

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Speaker 2: learning trickle log to people, And I say, just leading

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Speaker 2: with compassion, leading with grace, leading with love, understanding that

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Speaker 2: my mom is not trying to put me down. My

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Speaker 2: mom is just expressing how she feels. And this is

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Speaker 2: how he does it. She has a different way of

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Speaker 2: showing how she's feeling about me not calling all of

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Speaker 2: the time. But at the same time, I don't. It

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Speaker 2: doesn't mean like, oh yeah, let me just accept this,

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Speaker 2: but it's more about, Okay, how can I Mom, I

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Speaker 2: really miss you too, you know, And I just had

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Speaker 2: a moment right now to call, so tell me what

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Speaker 2: your day is looking like, you know, and just kind

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Speaker 2: of shifting the direction of the conversation, you know, if

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Speaker 2: you have it in you because I know it's it's difficult.

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Speaker 2: You know, it's like I'm saying it right now, like

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Speaker 2: oh that sounds so easy, But when you're in the moment,

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Speaker 2: we still have feelings. We still you know, like, oh

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Speaker 2: my gosh, she always said this when I call her,

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Speaker 2: right So if you can just stop for a moment

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Speaker 2: and really just sit with Okay, what is she really

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Speaker 2: trying to say to me here? And how can I

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Speaker 2: respond with more compassion, with more grace? How can I

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Speaker 2: lead with love? Mom? I really miss you too, Tell

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Speaker 2: me what your day has been like, and just keep

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Speaker 2: it pushing.

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Speaker 1: I love that idea of leading with compassion, But what

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Speaker 1: happens when it's not accepted? It's not the boundary that

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Speaker 1: you're setting isn't being respected or compassion can and understanding

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Speaker 1: can only get you so far with someone that doesn't

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Speaker 1: want to receive it. So what would you advise to

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Speaker 1: someone in those instances?

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Speaker 2: That's a really great question as well. You guys ask

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Speaker 2: really good questions. But yeah, it's just because you learn

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Speaker 2: how to set a boundary doesn't mean that when you

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Speaker 2: set the boundary people are going to respond like, Okay, yes,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to honor your boundary. Sometimes the boundary can

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Speaker 2: trigger somebody else because again, I think growing up in

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Speaker 2: a Latino household, we're not always provided with opportunities to

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Speaker 2: speak up for ourselves, to be more assertive, to communicate

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Speaker 2: our emotions or our feelings, So when we do that,

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Speaker 2: it can sometimes trigger the other person. So I think

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Speaker 2: having that in mind, I might set this boundary and

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Speaker 2: it might not be received well. Boundaries are typically received

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Speaker 2: well when other people have set their own boundaries and

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Speaker 2: they understand how the boundary is setting. But typically when

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Speaker 2: somebody responds like really uncomfortably, keep in mind you're not

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Speaker 2: setting this boundary to make that other person happy. To

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Speaker 2: make that other person feel comfortable, the reason behind your

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Speaker 2: motive behind setting the boundary is really to protect and

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Speaker 2: on or yourself. So if you lead with that, I'm

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Speaker 2: setting this boundary to protect an honor myself. This person

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Speaker 2: doesn't respond that well. I am not responsible for how

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Speaker 2: somebody responds to my boundary. How they respond might make

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Speaker 2: me feel uncomfortable, and that's okay. It's just indicative of

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Speaker 2: where the work continues for me, because my whole purpose

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Speaker 2: is not to set a boundary to make somebody else

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Speaker 2: feel happy. So knowing walking into the situation, I might

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Speaker 2: make somebody else feel uncomfortable, and that's okay because I'm

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Speaker 2: setting this boundary to protect my peace. I'm curious also

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Speaker 2: about where forgiveness lives in all of this, you know,

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Speaker 2: and especially with people who like we're talking about like

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Speaker 2: your mother. You know, your grandmother, your blood relatives, like

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Speaker 2: people who are are probably in your life forever, and

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Speaker 2: that sort of spectrum you know, forgiving empathy, boundary setting

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Speaker 2: like how do we gauge you know, yeah, that dreaded

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Speaker 2: f word forgiveness, which can be really difficult for people

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Speaker 2: to not only forgive yourself, but especially forgiving others when

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Speaker 2: we feel things have been just done wrong or handled

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Speaker 2: them correctly or not the way that we would have

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Speaker 2: preferred right. And so with forgiveness, how forgiveness enters in?

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Speaker 2: So I might use the example I'm going to use

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Speaker 2: the example the mom, the Latina mom. You call her

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Speaker 2: and you didn't do something that she needed you to do,

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Speaker 2: or you didn't comply with something that she expected you

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Speaker 2: to do in the exact kind of way, and just knowing, okay,

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Speaker 2: my mom needs this, she needs this done. So having

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Speaker 2: that level of an understanding she needs just done a

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Speaker 2: particular way because that helps her feel safe. Now while

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Speaker 2: she might be upset at me for not doing something

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Speaker 2: how she needed it to be done, it doesn't mean

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Speaker 2: that I have to tolerate yelling, screaming, criticizing. So I

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Speaker 2: can forgive my mom for Okay, she's having a moment.

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Speaker 2: You don't need to say, Mom, I forgive you for

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Speaker 2: acting this way for me, But it's about how you

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Speaker 2: show up and how you decide to engage with Mom.

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Speaker 2: Something I'm constantly teaching my clients about is do not

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Speaker 2: hop in the ring. Like, if you imagine a boxer,

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Speaker 2: a boxer is in the ring. Mom is that boxer.

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Speaker 2: When she's calling you up and she's mad about something,

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Speaker 2: you can literally choose not to hop in the ring.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes people are just waiting for you to hop in

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Speaker 2: the ring, and then now you're in the ring. Now

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Speaker 2: you're reacting, and now we have a full on match.

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Speaker 2: But if you pause and allow yourself to like, how

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Speaker 2: can I effectively respond to this? And I'm also not

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Speaker 2: saying don't acknowledge your feelings, but acknowledging your feelings or

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Speaker 2: hashing them out with Mom in the moment might not

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Speaker 2: be the safest thing for you to do. But at

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Speaker 2: the same time, having a space for yourself and acknowledging

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Speaker 2: what was so triggering for me about that moment when

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Speaker 2: my mom yells at me, when my mom criticizes me,

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Speaker 2: when my mom uses certain words, And then you can

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Speaker 2: go back and you can have a conversation with her

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Speaker 2: about it. Maybe when she's not so activated, you can

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Speaker 2: say to her, hey, mom, I have no problem with

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Speaker 2: you needing me to do something, but when yell at me,

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Speaker 2: it doesn't make me feel loved. And I think that

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Speaker 2: when we approach our caregivers, parents, grandparents, well with that

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Speaker 2: compassionate language. I understand what you really want me to

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Speaker 2: do for you right now in this moment. But I

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Speaker 2: also didn't feel loved with the way that you shared

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Speaker 2: with me, or I didn't feel respected. I think there's

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Speaker 2: space for them to hear us, and in the worst

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Speaker 2: case scenario, when they don't hear us, you can say, Okay,

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Speaker 2: I just wanted to let you know this is how

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Speaker 2: it made me feel, and then you can decide how

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Speaker 2: much you want to continue to navigate or interact with

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Speaker 2: somebody who's not respecting you or not treating you with love.

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Speaker 1: I love that that's such a good analogy of being

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Speaker 1: in the boxer's ring. I want to ask you more

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Speaker 1: about setting boundaries in relationships. Text surfaced from Jonah Hill's

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Speaker 1: ex girlfriend Sarah Brady, and she shared these text messages

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Speaker 1: where Jonah Hill was saying that he wanted her to

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Speaker 1: take down photos of her in a bikini even though

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Speaker 1: she's a surfer, because it was his boundary. And I

395
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Speaker 1: think that that's another way that maybe we are misusing

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Speaker 1: this term.

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Speaker 2: And so if you're in a relationship, especially if.

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Speaker 1: You're a woman dating a sis hetero man, you know

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Speaker 1: there's some power dynamics there. So how do we move

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00:24:56,480 --> 00:25:02,560
Speaker 1: through relationships romantic relationships set boundaries with them without demanding

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Speaker 1: something from the other person and removing their own agency

402
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Speaker 1: and autonomy to do what is right for them.

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Speaker 2: When we set boundaries and relationships, a boundary in that

404
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:20,800
Speaker 2: context is really a request. So if we're showing up

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Speaker 2: and we're saying, I really don't like that you're doing xyz,

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Speaker 2: this is a request. I'm making it known. I'm letting

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Speaker 2: you know how this is making me feel and my

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00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:35,879
Speaker 2: preference for you to not do something. Now, whether somebody

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Speaker 2: honors that boundary or that request is really up to them. Again,

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Speaker 2: this goes back to how people respond whenever we do

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Speaker 2: set the boundary, Right, Like, just because we're setting the

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Speaker 2: boundary doesn't automatically mean that the person's going to see

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Speaker 2: it from your point of view. The person's going to

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Speaker 2: understand how you're feeling maybe the other person in the relationship.

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Speaker 2: The Heller thing to do is say, tell me more

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Speaker 2: about that, Tell me more about why this is important

417
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:07,679
Speaker 2: to you, Tell me more about what that would do

418
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:09,760
Speaker 2: for you. If I'm able to set or if I'm

419
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:13,960
Speaker 2: able to meet this boundary, how might that make our

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00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:17,359
Speaker 2: relationship better? Right? Like, what is my motive? What am

421
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 2: I hoping for? What is my goal in setting this boundary?

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00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,479
Speaker 2: And knowing not just because you set the boundary doesn't

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Speaker 2: necessarily mean that that other person is going to honor

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Speaker 2: it or that they have to honor it. But if

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00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:32,520
Speaker 2: you're in a healthy relationship, I think it provides a

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Speaker 2: space and opportunity to have a deeper conversation about where

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00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:38,359
Speaker 2: the boundary is coming from.

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Speaker 1: We've been talking about boundaries, and I just wanted to

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Speaker 1: ask you about identifying when to set a boundary and

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Speaker 1: with who, Like, at what point do you recognize or

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00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:54,680
Speaker 1: acknowledge like I actually need to set a boundary here

432
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:55,439
Speaker 1: with this person.

433
00:26:56,240 --> 00:27:07,320
Speaker 3: Whenever you have any kind of emotional reaction, a physical reaction, usually.

434
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:12,080
Speaker 2: That's our own intuition speaking to us. Something doesn't feel right,

435
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 2: the vibes are off, or the spirit doesn't align with mine,

436
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:20,159
Speaker 2: whatever it might be for you, It's always an opportunity

437
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:24,119
Speaker 2: to look at can there be a boundary set here?

438
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:29,800
Speaker 2: You know? And I think it it requires some self

439
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:33,479
Speaker 2: awareness of like where is this coming from? Like what

440
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:36,000
Speaker 2: does this remind me of? Is one of the key

441
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:39,040
Speaker 2: questions I share with my clients. Whenever you notice you

442
00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:42,720
Speaker 2: have some sort of trigger or a reaction, When have

443
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 2: I felt this way before? What does this remind me of?

444
00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:51,240
Speaker 2: And then really thinking, Okay, what's bothering me about this situation?

445
00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:56,520
Speaker 2: And then once you've identified that and what your goal is,

446
00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:58,719
Speaker 2: I think figuring out, like what is my goal here?

447
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,760
Speaker 2: If I'm going to set this boundary, my goal is

448
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:07,119
Speaker 2: to make this relationship better. If I catch my partner

449
00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:10,959
Speaker 2: in a lie and my partner kind of brushes it

450
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:13,720
Speaker 2: off and but told me, Okay, I lied to you

451
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:15,600
Speaker 2: about this thing, but we're good now, and kind of

452
00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:18,600
Speaker 2: brushes it off, but I'm having a really difficult time

453
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:22,200
Speaker 2: letting that go because now I'm starting to question, well,

454
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:25,480
Speaker 2: when when else have they lied to me? That might

455
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:28,960
Speaker 2: be an opportunity for you to say, you know, hey,

456
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:32,119
Speaker 2: I really appreciate you coming clean and talking to me

457
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,960
Speaker 2: about this lie that you've shared, but I would really

458
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:38,440
Speaker 2: appreciate it in the future if you feel tempted to

459
00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:40,560
Speaker 2: lie to me or you want to lie to me

460
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:43,760
Speaker 2: about something that we talk about what's really going on,

461
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:48,720
Speaker 2: because I want our relationship to be based on honesty

462
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:52,520
Speaker 2: and trust and if I can't trust you, then it

463
00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:56,000
Speaker 2: makes it difficult for me to feel safe in this relationship. Right,

464
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 2: So it means addressing that thing, which typically what happens

465
00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:02,959
Speaker 2: is we start to see the little yellow flags before

466
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:06,239
Speaker 2: they turn into really big red flags, and then when

467
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:09,560
Speaker 2: they're the red flag, we end up exploding and blowing

468
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:12,160
Speaker 2: up about it. But these little things I think you

469
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 2: can address by just saying like, hey, I would really

470
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,360
Speaker 2: appreciate if you didn't do this. I noticed that you

471
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:19,840
Speaker 2: did this thing. This is how it made me feel.

472
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,480
Speaker 2: It made me feel unsafe, It made me feel like

473
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:25,200
Speaker 2: I'm going to question other things you've told me and

474
00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:28,080
Speaker 2: whether you're lying to me about it or not. And

475
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:31,000
Speaker 2: I would prefer that you didn't do that because I

476
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:34,680
Speaker 2: imagine that the goal is to always repair, at least

477
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,960
Speaker 2: in this therapy space. It is as I'm always really

478
00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:41,520
Speaker 2: focused in helping clients to work on like can we

479
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:45,720
Speaker 2: exhaust everything in our power to repair a rupture that

480
00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:48,920
Speaker 2: happens in a relationship. Luria, thank you so much for

481
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:52,960
Speaker 2: sharing all of your knowledge and your professional wisdom with

482
00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 2: us today, with us today, with love. If you could

483
00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:59,240
Speaker 2: share with our listeners, they can follow you and if

484
00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:01,840
Speaker 2: they're interested, how they can learn more, how they can

485
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:06,560
Speaker 2: get further involved with what you're working on. Yes, absolutely so.

486
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:10,520
Speaker 2: You can find me on Instagram at glow in Therapy.

487
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:16,280
Speaker 2: That's glow like glow it up, glow in Therapy, and

488
00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:19,000
Speaker 2: you can also find me on Facebook under that as well,

489
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:22,920
Speaker 2: glow in Therapy, and on my website is just glowinthapy

490
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,840
Speaker 2: dot com. And if you go to my website and

491
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:29,920
Speaker 2: you click book a session, if you're interested in signing

492
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 2: up for therapy or just having a conversation about how

493
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:36,240
Speaker 2: to take care of your mental wellness, you can sign

494
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:39,480
Speaker 2: up for a three twenty minute consult. If you don't

495
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:41,800
Speaker 2: see any times or days on there that work for you,

496
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:44,000
Speaker 2: please just shoot me an email. I'm more than willing

497
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:44,680
Speaker 2: to accommodate.

498
00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 1: All right, Look, I'm honest. Thank you for tuning in.

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Speaker 1: We'll catch you next.

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00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:54,360
Speaker 2: Time, Bessie Thos. Look, I thought our radio a radio

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00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:57,640
Speaker 2: Finding Novella is executive produced and hosted by me Mala

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00:30:57,680 --> 00:30:59,680
Speaker 2: Munos and BIOSAFM.

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Speaker 1: Story Edit me FIOSA.

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00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:03,040
Speaker 2: Audio editing by Stephanie Franco.

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Speaker 1: your support. Tsifos Lok Radio a radio phonic novela