Speaker 1: Carol. She's a queen of talking. He's got the scoop.
Speaker 1: No one can do Carol Carol. No one can do
Speaker 1: Carol Carolin. This interview is so awesome. I have Jessica
Speaker 1: Payne with me. I called her Jeff Southern because that's
Speaker 1: her Instagram name and I always just know hers Jess Southern,
Speaker 1: but her real name is jess Payne because she married
Speaker 1: the love of her life and she's freaking awesome. She's
Speaker 1: a makeup artist, not just any makeup artist, celebrity makeup artist.
Speaker 1: She started when she was just out of high school,
Speaker 1: moved straight to New Yorker and hear all about that story.
Speaker 1: She marked straight up to Forward Agencies, Model Agencies, and
Speaker 1: like brought her portfolio. She says should go get her.
Speaker 1: Her first kid she landed was with Pamela Anderson's makeup artists.
Speaker 1: It's incredible and she's also just one of the kindest people.
Speaker 1: She shares her whole journey. She's been on Jesse James
Speaker 1: Decker's TV show on e all the seasons that she's
Speaker 1: had it on. She's just an incredible person. She's so interesting, gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous,
Speaker 1: and she's pregnant with her little girl. Oh, y'all get excited.
Speaker 1: Here's jess Paine a K. Jess Southern. Oh my goodness, Jess, Hi,
Speaker 1: I'm so happy to see you. Jessica Payne, Yes, yes, okay,
Speaker 1: So I always called you jes Southern because that is
Speaker 1: your Instagram Instagram handle, but it's Jessica Payne. MS. Miss
Speaker 1: is Jessica Payne. This is Jessica Payne. I know. It's
Speaker 1: so funny because sometimes people are like, wait, I thought
Speaker 1: Southern was your last name, and I'm like, no, I
Speaker 1: don't even know I have a Southern tattoo. And that's
Speaker 1: the whole reason I did it. Other than that I
Speaker 1: have no I mean, I'm born from the South, but yeah,
Speaker 1: that's it, so not my last name. I do love that.
Speaker 1: How so, just you are born from the South and
Speaker 1: southern it says southern is what your tattoo says. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's um. It used to be. I felt very like
Speaker 1: Angelina esque, you know what, a girl like. I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get a badass tattoo and it just says
Speaker 1: southern and like an old like kind of whiskey riding
Speaker 1: and I don't even drink whiskey, so it doesn't even
Speaker 1: make sense, but I just love the font and yeah,
Speaker 1: it just says southern, so that's kind of why I
Speaker 1: did it. I was like, well, I don't know what
Speaker 1: my Instagram names should be. Well, I haven't tattoo that
Speaker 1: says southern, so I'll just go with that. I love it,
Speaker 1: and I fel like I'm wondering how bad it's gonna
Speaker 1: stretch when I'm older, but I know that's how I
Speaker 1: feel too, Like I'm I got tattoos in my arms.
Speaker 1: I'm like, when I have like saggy old lady skin,
Speaker 1: is it gonna be like three little birds on fence posts,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have so many wrinkles in between, and that's
Speaker 1: a guy that's a face in there. Yes, it will.
Speaker 1: Actually that's what mine will say, like s N or something,
Speaker 1: because I know an old man that had his name
Speaker 1: was Phil, and I was like, why do you have
Speaker 1: PL on your arm? And he goes, no, honey, and
Speaker 1: he's stretched out and it's actually Phil, but because he's
Speaker 1: so old, it like just wrinkled up to p L.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, I'm gonna have s N when I'm older. Hey,
Speaker 1: you know, living in the moment, enjoying the day. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'll worry about that when i'm older. Exactly exactly, I'll
Speaker 1: get a tattoo removal of that point. Okay, so we're
Speaker 1: reaching the end of my influencer series, So happy you
Speaker 1: could join me via skypird Zoom whatever this is. I
Speaker 1: have never done this before. I am so technology like idiotic.
Speaker 1: So this is amazing that it's working. I know, I'm impressed.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I've never even heard of zoom? What is that?
Speaker 1: I heard it from Julie Solomon. She was like, because
Speaker 1: I'm gonna sing with her and she was like, have
Speaker 1: you do you have Zoom? And I was like, no,
Speaker 1: but if she's using it's probably what we should do.
Speaker 1: It's it's probably yeah, exactly, she's so smart with all
Speaker 1: that stuff. I'm putting everything, you know, everything, but you're
Speaker 1: so smart. Yes, Like, if Julie says it, then that's
Speaker 1: what we need to do. Yes, I agree with that.
Speaker 1: So I kind of just want to talk to you
Speaker 1: about your journey. Tell me about like how you got
Speaker 1: into makeup, how you what your thoughts on influencing are,
Speaker 1: what this whole wild West world is of social media?
Speaker 1: Like being a job now, you know, like because so
Speaker 1: many people want to get into this world because it's
Speaker 1: it is such just a new world with so much potential.
Speaker 1: Like how how did you get into makeup and then
Speaker 1: entertainment and how did it evolve into the social media
Speaker 1: empire that you have? So I got into makeup, so
Speaker 1: my my dad. Um, it was so funny because like
Speaker 1: I think, like back then it was so weird, but
Speaker 1: it's it's kind of common now. So my mom worked
Speaker 1: at a chemical plant and my dad was a hairstylist,
Speaker 1: so it was such like a reversal of like, you know,
Speaker 1: what the normal gender jobs were back then, which is
Speaker 1: so weird. Um, So my dad was a hairstylist and
Speaker 1: he is the creative one, and my mom was the
Speaker 1: like buy the book, organized one. So I took after
Speaker 1: my dad and my sister, my half sister, um in
Speaker 1: that aspect. And I you know, I always loved, like,
Speaker 1: you know, watching the hairstyles and the cutting, and even
Speaker 1: though I knew I didn't want to do that, Like
Speaker 1: I knew that I personally didn't want to cut or color,
Speaker 1: um because I'm too a d D. I would mess
Speaker 1: up somebody's color just by like talking to them. So
Speaker 1: I know better than that. But I knew that I
Speaker 1: wanted to do like something artistic, and I started drawing,
Speaker 1: So I instead of drawing, I would paint like faces.
Speaker 1: So when I was in elementary and um, middle school
Speaker 1: and high school, I would always like just paint faces, um,
Speaker 1: and then I would you know, add makeup to them
Speaker 1: and eyelashes and blush and all of this other stuff.
Speaker 1: But I would love doing it with like flower pedals
Speaker 1: because my memo, UM was like, honey, we lived in
Speaker 1: the Great Depression. We just like ground up some flowers
Speaker 1: and put water in it, and that's what we did.
Speaker 1: That's what we used for makeup. So that was like
Speaker 1: my first actual makeup was you know, grounding up flowers
Speaker 1: in the garden with my mammal and I could put
Speaker 1: it on the paper and then she would let me
Speaker 1: put it on my cheeks. But my mom did not
Speaker 1: know about it. Um. My mom was very and my
Speaker 1: mom was very anti makeup. UM. And then I started
Speaker 1: doing it like on my friends and on you know,
Speaker 1: like I didn't I didn't get to do it all myself.
Speaker 1: My mom was very strict about that, so I could
Speaker 1: do it on her. I could do it all my friends,
Speaker 1: and I started doing it for girls for prom and
Speaker 1: then um, I was like, this is what I want
Speaker 1: to do. And I moved to New York and I
Speaker 1: went to New York. I was eighteen when I moved
Speaker 1: to New York, Like I literally graduated said out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I went straight to New York because I was like,
Speaker 1: where'd you go up? Where'd you go in Kingsport, Tennessee. Okay,
Speaker 1: So I was like, if I don't leave now, I'm
Speaker 1: going to be here. It was like kind of like
Speaker 1: it's it's a great town, but it's one of those
Speaker 1: towns that if you don't, like I feel like immediately leave,
Speaker 1: then like you just might stay. So I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I graduated, and you knew you had dreams you had
Speaker 1: to pursue, so you're like, I gotta get out. Yeah. Yes,
Speaker 1: And I knew that, like I wanted to do makeup
Speaker 1: in magazines, Like that's what I wanted to do. I
Speaker 1: didn't know what it was called, but I knew that
Speaker 1: was it. And I went to the Forward Modeling Agency,
Speaker 1: which is hilarious because they were models everywhere in New York.
Speaker 1: You just walked into it. Yeah. So I looked up
Speaker 1: for their open calls because I didn't know how to
Speaker 1: start as a makeup artist. So I'm like so short. Obviously,
Speaker 1: I'm like five to and um a tad thicker than
Speaker 1: the most models to New York especially. So I'm like
Speaker 1: in this agency and I have this little these little
Speaker 1: photographs of a book and they were from prom pictures
Speaker 1: and makeup that I've done on my mom, like not
Speaker 1: a makeup artist book. And I walked in and they
Speaker 1: got to my name because it was an open car,
Speaker 1: and he was like, sweetie, these pictures aren't you. So
Speaker 1: I'm confused. And I was like, oh, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, no, I want to do makeup.
Speaker 1: And he was like, oh okay. He was like because
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I know I'm too short and I'm
Speaker 1: too chubby, So it's okay chubby for I am for
Speaker 1: those like tall, thin models, Yes I am. So I
Speaker 1: don't know, I want to do makeup. And he was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I admire your ambition. What I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do is set you up with this photographer Andrew Bruckner,
Speaker 1: and he works with a lot of makeup artists and
Speaker 1: he'll have you learned, and he was like, because now
Speaker 1: it's there. He was like, I can see, like for
Speaker 1: you not to have any training, it's there. We just
Speaker 1: need to tweak some things. So he introduced me to Andrew,
Speaker 1: and then Andrew introduced me to um Alexis Vogel, which
Speaker 1: was Pam Anderson's makeup at the time, and she had
Speaker 1: all like the Vogel cosmetics. Oh gosh, was perfect Pam
Speaker 1: Anderson's makeup artists. Immediately, I was like I was dying
Speaker 1: because you know, I'm in the South and I loved
Speaker 1: any girl with big blonde hair, you know. And I
Speaker 1: was just like, oh my god, you did the liplider
Speaker 1: on Pam Anderson, like you have your you have your
Speaker 1: own makeup one. I watched it late at night, like
Speaker 1: when I'm asleep, like yeah. So I was so excited.
Speaker 1: And um, I learned pretty much everything from her, which
Speaker 1: is weird because people are like, what did she tell you?
Speaker 1: She didn't tell me anything for you like her apprentice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I assist. So she had a bunch of assistance,
Speaker 1: but I would assist her like on shoots. Okay, um,
Speaker 1: and I got to assist on the sheet with Pam
Speaker 1: Anderson and I was just like dying, like the whole
Speaker 1: day I was in it was she so nice he was.
Speaker 1: She was like the nicest, nicest, nice as human, like
Speaker 1: so sweet. And I get so defensive when somebody says
Speaker 1: anything bad about her, like don't you talk about him
Speaker 1: that way? Like at my pain? Would you talk about Pam?
Speaker 1: She is a nice woman, like I love her um
Speaker 1: And yeah, so she didn't. She wasn't like this is
Speaker 1: what you need to do. If I asked, oh, how
Speaker 1: did you do that, she'd be like, well, how do
Speaker 1: you think that I did it? Like I want to
Speaker 1: figure about want have you figured out? So it was
Speaker 1: a weird way of teaching, but I liked it because
Speaker 1: her biggest thing. And it's stuck with me to where
Speaker 1: I went on to train UM artists at a company
Speaker 1: called Washington, but it's stuck with me. Then she was like,
Speaker 1: I never want to take away somebody's natural instinct because
Speaker 1: your natural instinct is usually the best way that you're
Speaker 1: going to portray that type of work. So how would
Speaker 1: you naturally do that? Okay, And it might have been
Speaker 1: different than her way, but it was really cool, Like
Speaker 1: it was really cool, like you could be the best
Speaker 1: artist you could be that I could take inspiration from her,
Speaker 1: but like be yourself exactly. And it was such a
Speaker 1: cool way. And most people when I tell them that,
Speaker 1: they're like, that's so weird. You would think that she
Speaker 1: would tell you this stuff, and I'm like, yeah, but
Speaker 1: she also really made me think. So it made me
Speaker 1: go home and like mixed colors and work to see
Speaker 1: how I blended better or how I controured better. It
Speaker 1: just it made you think, which I think is awesome.
Speaker 1: And it genuinely taught me to be my own artists
Speaker 1: as opposed to just call he did. That's incredible. So
Speaker 1: you got right into I got very well because because
Speaker 1: luck to me is true. But you also majorly put
Speaker 1: yourself out there by moving to New York City and
Speaker 1: jumping into like forward modeling agency and like just showing
Speaker 1: up with your poor fault folio from high school. You know,
Speaker 1: I mean that to me is what it takes. You
Speaker 1: have to be brave and take that jump. You know. Yes, No,
Speaker 1: I a hundred percent agree with that. Everybody thought I
Speaker 1: was completely crazy, and my mom didn't want me to
Speaker 1: move obviously. She wanted me to go to college. And
Speaker 1: do you know the right, the right thing, that the
Speaker 1: good thing that you should do because education is very important.
Speaker 1: But I was like, no, that's not what I want
Speaker 1: to do, like I want to I want to do this,
Speaker 1: And she gave me one month to make so she
Speaker 1: paid for one month of rent, food, subway, everything. She
Speaker 1: was like the next month. If you don't have it,
Speaker 1: you come back home. You had you had a quick
Speaker 1: timeline I had. I had. I had thirty days of
Speaker 1: a timeline in New York City at eighteen, only thirty days.
Speaker 1: Girls got to go. Yeah. So my second day there,
Speaker 1: I went and got a job at a company called
Speaker 1: wet Seal. I love what Seals. It was so good
Speaker 1: right ever, just a little bit slutty, perfectly just look
Speaker 1: perfectly slow. I heard too much, but it was amazing.
Speaker 1: So I got a job there and then I realized
Speaker 1: after my paycheck that I wasn't going to make my
Speaker 1: New York rent. And I was talking to one of
Speaker 1: the girls about it. I'm like, I just don't want
Speaker 1: to go home, like I can really do this. She
Speaker 1: was like, let me introduce you to this guy, Seth,
Speaker 1: who works at this nightclub called Swede. And I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, the suede that like all this slebs
Speaker 1: go to like like Joey Fatone Tuesdays. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: So I was like, yes, so I worked coach check
Speaker 1: um at Swede and believe it or not, CoA check
Speaker 1: in New York pays very well. Really, Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I don't think yeah, girl, yes it pays. It pays
Speaker 1: so good because they're paying you to do the job
Speaker 1: and then you're getting like a dollar per coade that
Speaker 1: you check and it's New York so it's cold, like
Speaker 1: dropping the coaches that night. Wow. So yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: like I made my rent in like four days. So
Speaker 1: tip standing on moving to New York. Become a coach.
Speaker 1: Didn't become a coach check girl. You don't really have
Speaker 1: to do. Anything you have to do is like give
Speaker 1: them their tag and then is it. And people are like,
Speaker 1: oh really co check. I'm like until you get the money, like,
Speaker 1: don't don't knock it, because I did what I had
Speaker 1: to do, and I did that and I worked with
Speaker 1: the most I met some of the most amazing people. Say,
Speaker 1: you probably met awesome people because people coming in and
Speaker 1: out of a bar like that or a nightclub are
Speaker 1: probably pretty fantastic. Yeah, No, they were awesome and I
Speaker 1: still you know, um, one of the owners was Aton Sugarman,
Speaker 1: and I still keep in contact with him, Like he's
Speaker 1: got a great restaurant now. Like that whole family was
Speaker 1: just so close knit and any time I had a
Speaker 1: problem or anything, I would go to them. They were
Speaker 1: like big brothers. So it was it was just great
Speaker 1: and that's yeah. And then after that I just started
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Oh, it's like, um, the dogs are crazy.
Speaker 1: There's like a Melman. They're like, get real, life is happening.
Speaker 1: It's all good, it's happening, and like yeah pharaohs like
Speaker 1: I need a tention. I need attention. Um. But yeah,
Speaker 1: so after that I just started to makeup. And then
Speaker 1: I got with Fuel TV and then they're like, hey,
Speaker 1: you want to move out to l A and do
Speaker 1: p j um fuel TV. So it was like action
Speaker 1: sports because I loved action sports. And then that's when
Speaker 1: I moved to l A. Okay, so then you get
Speaker 1: in l A and then do you just get into
Speaker 1: the whole world and make up out there? Was that
Speaker 1: an easy transition for you? That was? It's weird because
Speaker 1: I worked in action sports and that was easy and
Speaker 1: steady work. Um and then a lot of other stuff
Speaker 1: happened in l A that kind of unfortunately put my
Speaker 1: makeup on hold because, Um, I was with somebody that
Speaker 1: genuinely was scared of me being successful. So I've seen
Speaker 1: your YouTube videos. We don't have to go into this,
Speaker 1: but like, I think it is so incredible how honest
Speaker 1: you've been about all of your journey with that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because so many women I feel like, and all the
Speaker 1: women listening yesterday, you were such an inspiration for your
Speaker 1: because you were in a very bad relationship and came
Speaker 1: through that on the other side, and you've been honest.
Speaker 1: But I thought struggle and so I just think that's
Speaker 1: so great that you put that off there because so
Speaker 1: many goals. How she decided to be honest about that? Um,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get Harlowe. Harl wants to talk Harlo. She's
Speaker 1: the oldest one and she gets a little bit grumpy.
Speaker 1: Um My nieces called her the grumpy one. They won't
Speaker 1: They're like, she's the grumpy one. It's okay, she's old Harlow. Um,
Speaker 1: but wait, what was the question? How did you decide
Speaker 1: to be honest about that relationship? Um, you had to
Speaker 1: go into whatever. No, I mean, I think for me,
Speaker 1: I wanted to because what's so weird is that people
Speaker 1: kind of knew about it because if they emailed me,
Speaker 1: that was my last name, so then they would kind
Speaker 1: of know about it. And then unfortunately, when we went
Speaker 1: through a divorce, TMZ picked it up and any time
Speaker 1: that there was like a bad thing that happened, they
Speaker 1: picked it up, and it wasn't it wasn't the right story,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I'm like, um, I wasn't
Speaker 1: shopping with my ex husband, Like he literally came to
Speaker 1: my store and like you know, got very aggressive. But
Speaker 1: I just thought, like, you know what, if I can
Speaker 1: help one person at all, then it's worth it to share.
Speaker 1: And then more importantly to that, like a lot of
Speaker 1: women and even like friends or anybody, I just don't
Speaker 1: think like they understood like and I also wanted to.
Speaker 1: I wanted to reach out to the people that were
Speaker 1: in the relationship, but I also wanted to reach out
Speaker 1: to the people that weren't in the relationships, so that
Speaker 1: way they kind of maybe had little bit of a
Speaker 1: sense of compassion about how to handle that. Because if
Speaker 1: you have a friend who is in a situation and
Speaker 1: relationship because it's so hard because I'm like, what they
Speaker 1: don't understand is that, like, you do love that person
Speaker 1: and you want to see the good in them and
Speaker 1: you want to fix them. So like maybe kind of
Speaker 1: don't come down so hard on that person because they're
Speaker 1: in a very delicate state and they need support, and yes,
Speaker 1: they need not get hard on. Yeah, but it's like
Speaker 1: they just I just wanted to kind of like look
Speaker 1: at both sides and have both sides understand the relationship
Speaker 1: a little bit more. So, like now these people know
Speaker 1: a little bit more about what it's like to be
Speaker 1: in an abusive relationship and how you know, manipulative it
Speaker 1: really is, and how you believe whatever this person is
Speaker 1: telling you unfortunately, And then I wanted the girls that
Speaker 1: were in it to understand that, like listen, like it
Speaker 1: can only get worse. It will never ever ever get better.
Speaker 1: It will only get worse. And no matter how embarrassing
Speaker 1: it might be for you to leave that situation, at
Speaker 1: least you'll leave it alive. At the end of the day.
Speaker 1: You have a better chance of survival if you just
Speaker 1: leave that situation. So that was why, that was why
Speaker 1: I really really wanted to do it and put it
Speaker 1: out there. I just think that as incredible, Jess, And honestly,
Speaker 1: you are such a beautiful woman to share that because
Speaker 1: so and I think especially when you're a young girl
Speaker 1: in a city like l A and you meet someone
Speaker 1: who's exciting and like, it's so easy to potentially fall
Speaker 1: into a relationship, especially when you don't maybe know exactly
Speaker 1: who you are all the way. Yeah, I know, and
Speaker 1: I was. I mean I was so young, and but
Speaker 1: I also I never knew that he had problems, Like
Speaker 1: I didn't. Everybody's like, how did you not know what?
Speaker 1: I'm Like? I was, I was nineteen. I had just
Speaker 1: turned nineteen when I met him, and I come from
Speaker 1: a small town that my family didn't even drink, you
Speaker 1: know what. I feel Like when he was acting crazy,
Speaker 1: I just thought he was hyper and entertaining. I never
Speaker 1: thought that there was Like I was so naive and
Speaker 1: I'm like, if I would have met him at this age,
Speaker 1: I would have been like, boy, what is wrong with you?
Speaker 1: Like I am not going down this road. I know
Speaker 1: exactly what this road is and I'm not doing it.
Speaker 1: But it's like, you know what, like you live and
Speaker 1: learn and m because of that, I not that I'm
Speaker 1: not saying I wouldn't I wouldn't have appreciated my husband
Speaker 1: because of that, but I generally think like things like
Speaker 1: that make you who you are. And I know that
Speaker 1: I am so appreciative of Logan, probably twenty times more
Speaker 1: than maybe I might have been if I wouldn't have
Speaker 1: went through something like that. You know, like I might
Speaker 1: take little things for granted that he does and says,
Speaker 1: but like I don't take anything for granted. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you're amazing, and he's like they have. All I said
Speaker 1: was you look pretty. I'm like, you know, it's amazing,
Speaker 1: but he you now are and that's what's so great now.
Speaker 1: Logan loves every bit of you, appreciates you, Like how
Speaker 1: amazing that you do have your fairy tale because it
Speaker 1: can't happen Like it didn't happen, I know, And that's
Speaker 1: that's also what I wanted to portray it. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I was older when I met Logan, and that's okay,
Speaker 1: Like that is might even better because you have your
Speaker 1: head on more straight. I have my head on straight.
Speaker 1: I know who I am, I know what I want
Speaker 1: to do, and like we're both in the same place.
Speaker 1: And yeah, it's just it's awesome having a baby, girl, baby,
Speaker 1: I'm so happy for you. Just like that would make
Speaker 1: me cry my eyes having to cry, like you're like, Oprah,
Speaker 1: I'll cry now at that point. It's just so beautiful
Speaker 1: because honestly, like you see someone who goes through so much,
Speaker 1: and we all have our own struggles, you know, but
Speaker 1: in your case scenario, like you went through Helen high
Speaker 1: Water for love and it was the wrong situation and
Speaker 1: you still believe in love, like you never even gave
Speaker 1: up even after all the crap that you went through,
Speaker 1: and then you meet Logan and you had to go
Speaker 1: through another struggle to get pregnant. And what do you
Speaker 1: want to say to women out there who are struggling
Speaker 1: to get pregnant, because I am just now realizing how
Speaker 1: incredibly delicate pregnancy is and how hard it is because
Speaker 1: I've been like trying to avoid getting pregnant my whole life,
Speaker 1: and you know, he's still entering the phase where like
Speaker 1: my husband Michael and are thinking about kids and it
Speaker 1: is such a delicate thing and it's such a blessing
Speaker 1: and there's so many things that happened with pregnancy. It's
Speaker 1: no it is it's so crazy because, like you said,
Speaker 1: like you avoid you basically spend your twenties being like
Speaker 1: stay away from mebe what are you doing? We need
Speaker 1: to run to see the s real fast. What happened?
Speaker 1: This happened. And then it's like and I thought, which
Speaker 1: is and I feel like naive? Because my husband says,
Speaker 1: he's like, Babe, sometimes you're you're still a little naive.
Speaker 1: But I love that about you and I don't want
Speaker 1: you to lose that about you. But I thought I
Speaker 1: was like, well, you know what, like you said, like
Speaker 1: I went through hell and back, like I have the
Speaker 1: perfect husband now and like we have like our version
Speaker 1: of a perfect life together having a baby. I'll be
Speaker 1: knocked up in three months, Like this is gonna be
Speaker 1: so easy. And then it didn't happen. I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: so maybe we need to try harder. Girl. We were
Speaker 1: trying pretty hard and it just never happened. I was like, okay, UM,
Speaker 1: so yeah, we eventually, after tracking and tracking, we went
Speaker 1: to the doctor foun out way to um, well, I
Speaker 1: had endometriosis. So we got that all cleared out there,
Speaker 1: like you'll be pregnant in three months, um, within two
Speaker 1: to three months because you're like, your insides are like
Speaker 1: a sixteen year old. You're like brands making me laser
Speaker 1: it out? Is that the laser treatment, it's it's um.
Speaker 1: So I had four procedures done, so I had laparoscopic surgery, heteroscopy,
Speaker 1: a d n C, and um my philope my left
Speaker 1: phallopian tubes. So I had a lot of pain. But
Speaker 1: my left phallopian tubes both my Philippian tubes were closed,
Speaker 1: so I wasn't even even though I was ovulating, no
Speaker 1: egg was dropping. So it was wrapptor on my bladder. UM.
Speaker 1: So they had to un do that. So they were
Speaker 1: like after that, like we flushed the water out, both
Speaker 1: sides came out and meeting your eggs are gonna drop,
Speaker 1: you'll be pregnant in two months, And I'm like great, awesome.
Speaker 1: So then two months came around and we didn't get pregnant.
Speaker 1: In our neighbor was like, we're having twins, and it
Speaker 1: was like the day that I took the test and
Speaker 1: found out that I wasn't pregnant again, and I was
Speaker 1: so happy for them, but I was just like why.
Speaker 1: So luckily he my my husband and him started talking
Speaker 1: and Logan was like, maybe, why don't I just go
Speaker 1: get checked before they keep like poking you and doing
Speaker 1: all this stuff. You, why don't I go get checked?
Speaker 1: And he went to go get checked and we found
Speaker 1: out that to get like he had UM, he had
Speaker 1: an issue with him UM, a morphology problem I had.
Speaker 1: After more tests, I had a very low ovariant reserve UM,
Speaker 1: even though it was high two years ago, which is
Speaker 1: so crazy that it could be like hi and then
Speaker 1: I'm low. I guess that's what they say in your thirties.
Speaker 1: It started, It's like everyone puts some My must have
Speaker 1: went like a straight down here in mind wasn't even
Speaker 1: like a roller coaster. Mind was like thirty boom drop. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was just like straight dropped down. UM. But yeah,
Speaker 1: so they're like, you really only have one option and
Speaker 1: that's IBF, and we can put you on medicine and
Speaker 1: maybe do a surgery on him and a surgery on
Speaker 1: you and then you might have a higher chance. And
Speaker 1: we were like, no, we're not going to do that
Speaker 1: to ourselves. Like if you say IBF L two ib F,
Speaker 1: like whatever we can. We got this UM. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it's so hard and girls that are like
Speaker 1: trying to get pregnant, like like just it sounds so cheesy,
Speaker 1: but it's literally like don't give up hope. But more
Speaker 1: importantly like beer on advocate because I think, like I
Speaker 1: knew from before I had my surgery in June. I
Speaker 1: had to fight for my indo surgery because I was like, no,
Speaker 1: there's something not right, like and doctors and friends are like, no,
Speaker 1: all you have to do is like going a trip,
Speaker 1: have a margarita, You'll get pregnant. I'm like, carl, if
Speaker 1: that is not the case, have sex, thank you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I like great sex without a margarita, Like we don't
Speaker 1: need a like a vacation and a margarite at act
Speaker 1: and that's not how it happens. And I just I
Speaker 1: felt like I had to push my doctor to be like, no,
Speaker 1: I know something's wrong. I want to be scheduled for
Speaker 1: the surgery. Um. And then I had to schedule two
Speaker 1: months later and I was like, I'm not pregnant. I
Speaker 1: know that there's something wrong, Like we have to do something.
Speaker 1: And I came in and I had my husband's results,
Speaker 1: my results, and she was like okay, well you're prepared
Speaker 1: and this is what you gotta do. Um. But you
Speaker 1: just have to be your own advocate. And to me,
Speaker 1: if you haven't gotten pregnant in like six d eight months,
Speaker 1: go to the doctor and make them test you, like,
Speaker 1: make them test your husband. Um. Doctors will say that
Speaker 1: they don't want to do any thing with fertility until
Speaker 1: a year. We didn't wait that long, and I'm so
Speaker 1: happy we didn't because if we would have waited the
Speaker 1: full year after my indo surgery, we still wouldn't be pregnant.
Speaker 1: Now we would just be starting ibs, like, oh my god.
Speaker 1: So that's why I'm like, no, you have to be
Speaker 1: your own advocate for yourself. I goes for all things.
Speaker 1: You have to be your own advocate for yourself in
Speaker 1: all areas of life. Absolutely let someone else take the
Speaker 1: reins of their own life. How does anyone else know
Speaker 1: how to direct your life? You know? Yeah, because you
Speaker 1: know yourself best. At the end of the day, you
Speaker 1: know you and whatever you want, Like I mean, if
Speaker 1: I had to fight for everything that I wanted, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, And I think most people do.
Speaker 1: So it's like if you want something, like if you
Speaker 1: want it bad enough, like you fight for it. And
Speaker 1: me and him wanted a baby more than anything in
Speaker 1: this whole world, and we were like, Okay, perfect IVF
Speaker 1: let's do it. This is what we have to do.
Speaker 1: Like let's go so so happy for you, j and
Speaker 1: I'm so glad of you. Like you you have fought
Speaker 1: for you have fought for your happiness in every area
Speaker 1: of your life, and you have it. And that's why
Speaker 1: I think it is so important for women. I don't
Speaker 1: I don't only mean to talk to women, because this
Speaker 1: goes to men too, but I just know a lot
Speaker 1: of women are not so used to being as bold
Speaker 1: as men were in the past. But like this season
Speaker 1: that we're in of life, that's I feel like where
Speaker 1: we're going as a society and culture, women are really
Speaker 1: stepping up and like figuring out exactly what they want.
Speaker 1: They're not scared to speak up. And I think that
Speaker 1: you are a prime example of someone who is a
Speaker 1: spot for themselves and their happiness in all areas. And
Speaker 1: that's what that's such a great role model, Like you're
Speaker 1: such a great role model. Thank you. No, I just
Speaker 1: I mean, like like my mom, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like my mom was that way, like my my memmos
Speaker 1: that way. So they just genuinely fight for everything and
Speaker 1: I'm like, honestly, like, we're only here once, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like, and you know what I've started
Speaker 1: realizing for it. Once we're gonna die. I mean, in
Speaker 1: a hundred of years. No one's really even remember us
Speaker 1: at all. Anyway, you might as well just live the
Speaker 1: life you want and go all in, which kind of
Speaker 1: makes me want to bring bring to the influencer part
Speaker 1: of this, how so many people are so scared to
Speaker 1: put themselves out there special and so especially on social
Speaker 1: media and things like that. And social media is crazy.
Speaker 1: It can be really disheartening. It can really like, it
Speaker 1: can make you feel like you're not as good as
Speaker 1: someone else, comparing hold on, Michael, schedule an appointment at
Speaker 1: our house right now? They Oh, we're gonna do about that, Okay,
Speaker 1: hold on, uh, Michael, didn't check our joint calendar. We
Speaker 1: have hold on a second, I remember us. You have
Speaker 1: a joint calendar. That's impressive. Sorry, j'all mind is being
Speaker 1: very quiet. Sorry about that. Yeah, this is called get
Speaker 1: real and U Sometimes your husband and you aren't on
Speaker 1: the same page with your calendar. Is all good? I
Speaker 1: love it. Me Logan would be impressed that you had
Speaker 1: a calendar, for one, he would be more impressed that
Speaker 1: you wrote something down because I'm like, no, it's in
Speaker 1: my mind, babe. And he's like, it is not in
Speaker 1: your mind. You live your life like Steven Tyler, Jimmie,
Speaker 1: it's not all of your mind, babe. Down I know.
Speaker 1: If it's not written down, it's not happening. That's what
Speaker 1: he says. I'm like, no, I remember, like me for
Speaker 1: the baby, and I'm like, babe, it's today, it's at
Speaker 1: like twelve thirty and we have to go. And he's like,
Speaker 1: where's it written down at? Why did you write it all?
Speaker 1: Because it's in my head. It's fine. I know. If
Speaker 1: it's not written down, it's not happening. But that with
Speaker 1: with social media and stuff. How do you feel about
Speaker 1: social media? Because you are a queen, your queen, you
Speaker 1: have a huge following and girls like everything you say,
Speaker 1: girls want because they trust you. And I think that's
Speaker 1: another thing, like trust is social media. But tell me
Speaker 1: what you think the pros and the cons are and
Speaker 1: then how you navigate your social media world? Well, I
Speaker 1: think and I tell I actually tell our friend Jessee
Speaker 1: this all the time. I'm like, I'm like, girl, I'm like, listen,
Speaker 1: the whole reason I have people following me is because
Speaker 1: they're waiting for me to post one bad picture of you,
Speaker 1: want to picture of you bending over on the toilet
Speaker 1: or something like. They're waiting for me to post a
Speaker 1: picture of you that they've never seen before. And I'm
Speaker 1: a good friend. So first of all, she doesn't take
Speaker 1: a bad photo, even like I mean, if she's thrown
Speaker 1: up sick, she still doesn't take a bad photo. But
Speaker 1: also I'm like, I'm also a better friend than that.
Speaker 1: I would never post a bad picture of her, So
Speaker 1: while are following me, wait on something that is never
Speaker 1: gonna happen. No, But also because you are amazing in
Speaker 1: your own right, you're career, you're an incredibly you're an
Speaker 1: incredibly interesting person to follow. Also, um, you're very sweet,
Speaker 1: because I feel like I'm very bland. You're not where
Speaker 1: I'm like two out there. Um. But yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: I don't know. So I love social media and the fact,
Speaker 1: like what I love about it is I think that
Speaker 1: you can't I gotta tell Hey, they funny. Michael, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm talking a little. I'm sorry, Sorry, thank you, sorry?
Speaker 1: Or Michael, Um, you know what I love about social
Speaker 1: media is that you can you know, if you have
Speaker 1: a struggle, you can help people. And if you want
Speaker 1: to share something brand new that you love, you can
Speaker 1: also share that. And because I love sharing, like I
Speaker 1: you know, anytime somebody's like, oh, where did you get that,
Speaker 1: like I'm like, oh, I got it here, like because
Speaker 1: me and all of my like all of all of
Speaker 1: us like like you know, like we're very open. Like
Speaker 1: if we're all like if everybody's hanging out, it's like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, you have to try this new restaurant,
Speaker 1: or you have to try this new hair product. Like
Speaker 1: it's just very open. And that's what I love about
Speaker 1: social media is because like I go through and I
Speaker 1: find stuff from like other bloggers and you know, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I'm gonna have to buy that. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna try. It's great. And I just think it's so
Speaker 1: awesome because you get to put out what you love
Speaker 1: and people can try it and maybe they haven't heard
Speaker 1: about it, and I think that's like amazing. And then
Speaker 1: that's what I feel like social media is being used
Speaker 1: in the positive way. And I think maybe when you're
Speaker 1: a little bit older, I feel like social media maybe
Speaker 1: when you're younger. It can really I don't know. Actually
Speaker 1: I have no idea. I don't. I mean the career
Speaker 1: platform to how do you use it? How do you
Speaker 1: make it a career? Like what would you tell young
Speaker 1: influencers wanting to get in this game? Like how do
Speaker 1: you make this your career? That is a very good question. Um,
Speaker 1: because it's so because what's so weird is that I
Speaker 1: don't look at it as a career. I think, which
Speaker 1: is which is really weird. But also I tell everybody,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I am like the worst blogger. I will
Speaker 1: like barely post something, um, and then I'll get distracted
Speaker 1: by my four other jobs that I have, and then
Speaker 1: I might it might get posted like four months later
Speaker 1: and it doesn't even make sense. They're like, what is
Speaker 1: she talking about? I'm like, oh, sorry, it was that
Speaker 1: conversation like four months ago that I told you I
Speaker 1: would I would have this is it I've been I've
Speaker 1: been sitting on my computer um and edit the whole time.
Speaker 1: So I'm so sorry. But yeah, I mean I think,
Speaker 1: like for girls that want to make it a career,
Speaker 1: I think, um, you know, learning from somebody like go
Speaker 1: follow a blockers. There's so many bloggers out there that
Speaker 1: do tutorials and how two's of like how to become
Speaker 1: a blogger, this is what you need to do. And
Speaker 1: also try to look at like what you love in
Speaker 1: life and focus on that. So if you're into cooking
Speaker 1: and you are a great home chef and you know
Speaker 1: easy recipes, focus on that, like and I think that's
Speaker 1: so key, Like whatever you're really good at, whatever drives
Speaker 1: your passion, put that out there because that's what the
Speaker 1: world wants to see, because authentic truth. They want to see.
Speaker 1: Authentic truth because you know, if I mean, like I'm
Speaker 1: trying to think like for instance, like I mean I
Speaker 1: do like go into the gym. I do like going
Speaker 1: to the gym. I am not a trainer. I am
Speaker 1: not somebody that is going to be like this is
Speaker 1: absolutely what I need to eat. This is how you
Speaker 1: do this exercise. Um, I might share a couple of
Speaker 1: things just because I'm like, hey, I've been doing this,
Speaker 1: but I'm also like, oh, I got that from the
Speaker 1: Chloe Kardashian pregnancy app that's the that's the exercise of
Speaker 1: that Chloe was doing while she was pregnant. That's how
Speaker 1: I know about it. But if that's your thing. You
Speaker 1: need to do that and start posting videos, and I
Speaker 1: mean hashtagging I think is huge. I think you get
Speaker 1: huge recognition from like hashtagging and just posting like good
Speaker 1: original content. Um. And if you're not all over the place,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, because I think like if
Speaker 1: you go into so many different realms, people get so
Speaker 1: confused and they're like, what are you promoting? Yeah, like
Speaker 1: I don't understand, Like what are you talking about? UM?
Speaker 1: So for me, I just make it things that I
Speaker 1: love because I kind of like I love makeup, I
Speaker 1: love talking hair stuff, I love like home stuff to
Speaker 1: anything that just like I personally love is what I
Speaker 1: like to portray. So I'm never really going to post
Speaker 1: like that many recipe pictures, you know, because it's not me.
Speaker 1: I'll do something like I'll do a little insto stories
Speaker 1: if I'm cooking and like super easy mills, and it
Speaker 1: might be like a few, like a handful, But other
Speaker 1: than that, I'm just I'm not that's just like not
Speaker 1: my thing. So I'll be like, oh my god, I
Speaker 1: love this and then that's it. But you're not going
Speaker 1: to see any more of it. Um. And that's an
Speaker 1: insistent thing that on this influencer series that pretty much
Speaker 1: everyone has said is stay true to what you love,
Speaker 1: because it shows if you're not being honest, it's going
Speaker 1: to ring through because people eventually are going to pick
Speaker 1: up on that because you can just you can tell,
Speaker 1: and they're gonna be like I thought I was following
Speaker 1: this person because they liked oranges, and now they're over
Speaker 1: here liking enchiladas and I don't understand it, Like you
Speaker 1: can't make any sense. It's totally like I totally, I
Speaker 1: totally agree with that, And I think over time sustainability,
Speaker 1: like if you want to sustain you have to be
Speaker 1: real and authentic. Yeah, and no matter like what what
Speaker 1: that is, just yeah, just be just be real. And
Speaker 1: I try to tell everybody like I'm never going to
Speaker 1: talk about something that I genuinely do not love, Like
Speaker 1: if I talk about it, I'm loving it, I'm using it.
Speaker 1: That's just it, Like that's it, that's it. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: I'm like I'm yeah, because I feel like you lose
Speaker 1: people's trust, Like if you post something that like you know,
Speaker 1: doesn't work, then you're like you are you? Then? What
Speaker 1: are you? Even? Then? What is your plathfore? Because you're
Speaker 1: not really promoting you and you're I'm like, you get
Speaker 1: that for a paycheck and you just lost my trust.
Speaker 1: So I hope it was worth it, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean check because I won't do that, and I've
Speaker 1: I'm pretty hardcore about it. Um one of my agents. Really,
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure because I'm like, I'm not using that.
Speaker 1: That product is horrible, Jessica, and I'm like, I'm not
Speaker 1: doing it. It's are like why would I post about it?
Speaker 1: I'm like, and you know, and then he'll be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: well I'm gonna go back and talk to him, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, don't waste your time. I am not doing
Speaker 1: it for a million dollars, Like and I really wouldn't
Speaker 1: because I would other have people's trust then have that paycheck,
Speaker 1: because I mean, I am lucky. I have other things
Speaker 1: to you know, that helps pay my bills, like my
Speaker 1: YouTube and my social media doesn't you know, It's it's
Speaker 1: not my main thing. Like I'm a makeup artist and
Speaker 1: we're going to open a business, so it's like I
Speaker 1: have other things that like I'm not going to push
Speaker 1: something that I don't think that you're gonna love. You
Speaker 1: know what you mean and if and hopefully you love it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I keep you living authentic life, which I think
Speaker 1: is what every Ultimately, the goal, even beyond influencing in general,
Speaker 1: is people should figure out what you were saying earlier,
Speaker 1: what do you love? Who are you? And live that
Speaker 1: life in all areas of your life. Yeah, and if
Speaker 1: you don't know who you are yet, like trying everything,
Speaker 1: what would you say, trial and error, You're gonna know
Speaker 1: if you like it or don't like it, Yes, like
Speaker 1: do it? Do it one time? And I said that
Speaker 1: at a family dinner, um one time, And I don't
Speaker 1: know how that went over because I was like, oh no,
Speaker 1: and I was like my motto before I got married
Speaker 1: was try everything one Yeah, They're like what does that mean? Exactly?
Speaker 1: Just yeah, they were like, um so and Logan was
Speaker 1: just like it's like, I'm just saying, like you gotta like,
Speaker 1: don't what is this saying? I can't think of it.
Speaker 1: Don't knock it till you try it, right, Yeah my
Speaker 1: brain is so not there sometimes, um but yeah, so yeah,
Speaker 1: just like just wait, try it, see if you love it.
Speaker 1: And if you don't absolutely love it, then it's not
Speaker 1: for you. Like it's just that you closer to what
Speaker 1: you love and then you know, like just keep being
Speaker 1: closer and follow your curiosity and your interests. Interest? What what?
Speaker 1: What is? What's the advice you would tell your younger self? Um,
Speaker 1: my younger self, oh god um um. Sadly, for me,
Speaker 1: it would probably be the guys that I dated, because
Speaker 1: work wise, I was really driven. I'm I'm very proud
Speaker 1: of my younger self in that aspect because I was very,
Speaker 1: very very driven. Um, and I knew what I wanted
Speaker 1: and I went for it. But even at like twelve,
Speaker 1: I had a very bad thing with guys. So I
Speaker 1: would say, justin, don't date the bad boys with um,
Speaker 1: don't don't date the bad boys. You're clear, like you know,
Speaker 1: if he got detention five times in school, just maybe
Speaker 1: like real back in like that change. And don't pluck
Speaker 1: your eyebrows because they will never grow back. That is
Speaker 1: so true. I giant patchy newses and my eyebrows because that.
Speaker 1: Don't do it. And then look your eyebrows and then
Speaker 1: know that your mom is right. She's right about everything. Yes,
Speaker 1: so yeah, I don't let the eyebrows stay away from
Speaker 1: the bad boys and attention. And your mother is always right,
Speaker 1: No wontter how much I wanted to argue it. She
Speaker 1: is always right, like it never fails. And I'm like, damn,
Speaker 1: you were really right about everything. Like how they know
Speaker 1: they know she's like psychic, Like it's weird. They know everything.
Speaker 1: They know what you're doing when you're not looking, which
Speaker 1: is so scary to me. But because they've just loved
Speaker 1: you so long and they've just and now you being pregnant,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you're feeling it even more, you know, just
Speaker 1: like knowing how a mother feels. It's so weird. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my gosh, Like I'm gonna be like
Speaker 1: my mom, Oh my gosh, this is bad, but like
Speaker 1: so good because she's awesome. But um yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: I'm just like, oh, I said this would never happen,
Speaker 1: and it's gonna happen, like it's happening right now. Um.
Speaker 1: What do you think the point of life is? That's
Speaker 1: kind of a really big question. I mean my point
Speaker 1: of life is. I feel like I'm gonna sound like
Speaker 1: a like an ad that's like live your best life,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, with like a big banner.
Speaker 1: But like I do I think like like my point
Speaker 1: to life or whatever is just to like love, show kindness,
Speaker 1: live your best life because at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: nobody knows if you're going to have it tomorrow, So
Speaker 1: like just don't have any regrets. And if you get hurt,
Speaker 1: the best part about being like a human, I think
Speaker 1: is that we can rebuild ourselves. So if you go
Speaker 1: out there and you get you know, shot down, or
Speaker 1: you get told no, or your heart gets broken, that
Speaker 1: only is a very short period in your whole life,
Speaker 1: and you a can make it so much better and
Speaker 1: just just never give up and like live your best life,
Speaker 1: like to the best of your ability. How do you
Speaker 1: bounce back from a heartbreak? What would you be yours?
Speaker 1: Since you've had some major traumatic, heartbreaking things happen, how
Speaker 1: how do you bounce back from that? How do you rebuild? Um?
Speaker 1: I know a lot of girls are going to be
Speaker 1: like chocolate and wine. Well I didn't do wine, so
Speaker 1: that was not mine. Um my whole thing. Actually, I
Speaker 1: dove into work for a lot of it. I dove
Speaker 1: into work, which is actually good and bad. It has
Speaker 1: pros and cons. So the pros that obviously you're working
Speaker 1: very very very very very hard. The con is that
Speaker 1: you're not addressing the issue at hand, which is the heartbreak.
Speaker 1: So for me, I got over everything by taking a
Speaker 1: step back and I actually I made a list of
Speaker 1: everything that made me feel bad in the real so
Speaker 1: you take inventory. Yeah, And I was like, this made
Speaker 1: me feel bad and when he did this, this is
Speaker 1: how it made me feel. And for me seeing it
Speaker 1: on paper, I was like, wait a second, like why
Speaker 1: would I love somebody that would do this? Like here's
Speaker 1: the Like it wasn't even a pro and a con thing.
Speaker 1: It was just like but yeah, just like why am
Speaker 1: I letting somebody like this make me sad all the time?
Speaker 1: Like I don't. I don't need to be sad because
Speaker 1: this is this is an unhealthy person. Um. And that
Speaker 1: was how I was able to recrup because I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: so this is it and it was how it made
Speaker 1: me feel. So now I need to rebuild myself and
Speaker 1: start to appreciate me, which at that point I didn't
Speaker 1: love myself at all. I was very much like out
Speaker 1: of love with myself. I thought I didn't deserve anything.
Speaker 1: So it took a very, very, very um a decent
Speaker 1: amount of time for me to realize like, hey, it's
Speaker 1: okay to like love other people, and it's okay to um,
Speaker 1: you know, to love yourself, and it's okay to be selfish.
Speaker 1: So like for me, it was putting myself first and
Speaker 1: doing things that we're good for me, and that's how
Speaker 1: I got over the heartbreak, which is kind of weird,
Speaker 1: but I mean, I think stelf love has to come first,
Speaker 1: like and there's a you know, and you can like
Speaker 1: I think there's a difference between self love and like
Speaker 1: just living this incredible. I mean, honestly, it's being selfish
Speaker 1: though too is really important for a while. Like it's
Speaker 1: so great eventually like expand and share, but like you
Speaker 1: have to figure out how to love yourself first or
Speaker 1: there's no way you're going to be able to give
Speaker 1: it to anyone else. No, you can't. Like I couldn't
Speaker 1: even tell um all of my friends. It's so funny.
Speaker 1: I when I was in that bad relationship, I couldn't
Speaker 1: even tell my friends that I loved them because I
Speaker 1: was so without love in your life at that point. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was just so like closed off and I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: this this person hurt me so like I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: love you because like what if you do something bad?
Speaker 1: So I wouldn't tell my friends that I loved them,
Speaker 1: and they could tell me. I mean, they could be
Speaker 1: crying in my face and be like I just lost
Speaker 1: somebody in my family, and I would be stone cold.
Speaker 1: I was like a wall and I would be like,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to hear that, Like I was a robot.
Speaker 1: So for me, it was like learning to open up
Speaker 1: my emotions and be like, you know what, like we
Speaker 1: got hurt, We're better than that. We can continuously get
Speaker 1: hurt because eventually it will pay off. Because don't open
Speaker 1: yourself up, You're never gonna find love anyway, so you know,
Speaker 1: might as well just get hurt a few times. Then
Speaker 1: they'll eventually pay off. And that's it. I love that
Speaker 1: I love and learn along the way, like don't just
Speaker 1: so many things, yes, live like the sex in the
Speaker 1: city life, just you know, just have fun, have your girls,
Speaker 1: some cosmos, you know, have your aiden and then have
Speaker 1: your Mr Big and have your Petrovsky, like just to
Speaker 1: have them all, have your girger, have everybody burger, Oh
Speaker 1: burger burger, I say gerber, have your burger and then
Speaker 1: have Mr Big at the very end. And that's fine,
Speaker 1: but just like do do you and keep your girlfriends
Speaker 1: so close? And I think that is so important to
Speaker 1: like having a great girl squad is everything and not
Speaker 1: to be like girl power for life, but seriously girl
Speaker 1: power because if you know, I know, because I'm like,
Speaker 1: I literally don't know what I would do with all
Speaker 1: like my friends, like I love them all so much
Speaker 1: and there it's so important to have that, and I
Speaker 1: think like sometimes you can lose that in relationships. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you can't. Like your girlfriends need to be like your
Speaker 1: loves as well, like they agree they need to be
Speaker 1: like those are those are your girls? Like you love them,
Speaker 1: they're yours to be selfish with them. I totally agree.
Speaker 1: Jus Okay, I want to talk to you forever, but
Speaker 1: we're almost like like an hour. Can you believe that?
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna wrap up with leave your light. After
Speaker 1: everything that you've gone through, all of your experiences good bad,
Speaker 1: like traveling, like your careers, loves, friends, everything, just leave
Speaker 1: inspiration of how everything you've experienced in your life, Like
Speaker 1: this whole interview is inspiring, You're inspiring in general, but
Speaker 1: like what just inspiration do you want to share? What
Speaker 1: inspiration doing maybe with like younger girls especially, I mean,
Speaker 1: you've given so much great insight, but just like just
Speaker 1: some things that you've gathered along the way that maybe
Speaker 1: I don't know mm hmm. Give me an example. I'm
Speaker 1: having a blond moment like if what have you? It's
Speaker 1: almost like I guess how I've kind of asked you
Speaker 1: like advice to yourself, but like leave your light, Like
Speaker 1: what like what do you think what would you like
Speaker 1: your legacy to be? Like from everything you've gone through,
Speaker 1: what would you like to put on the world, Like
Speaker 1: if people are going to think of just Southern at
Speaker 1: the end of the day of everything, what would you
Speaker 1: want it to be? And how would you want to
Speaker 1: like through your journeys, say like two younger people or
Speaker 1: people watching this who look up to you like this
Speaker 1: is it, this is what it's about, this is what
Speaker 1: you know? Just sort of like yeah, I mean so,
Speaker 1: which it's really weird. But I kind of had this
Speaker 1: conversation um with my my mom the other day and
Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, Like I was like,
Speaker 1: I was thinking about it, and I want my daughter
Speaker 1: to look back like when I die and be like
Speaker 1: my mom was strong, She never took herself seriously and
Speaker 1: she loved with her whole heart like and that's like
Speaker 1: I was like, that's what i want. I'm like gonna
Speaker 1: tear up, and I was like, that's what I want,
Speaker 1: you know, my daughter to think of me as which
Speaker 1: I'm literally gonna cry like, but I think like, and
Speaker 1: that's how That's how I want my husband to, you know,
Speaker 1: to remember me when when I passed. And I think
Speaker 1: that goes for everybody. I just want people, you know,
Speaker 1: to be like, she was strong, she loved with her
Speaker 1: whole heart, she didn't take herself too seriously, like she
Speaker 1: had fun, you know, And that's that's kind of it.
Speaker 1: I know, if I talked about it all, I start crying.
Speaker 1: It's so sad. I love that. Jeff. Yeah, so very cheesy.
Speaker 1: And I'm hormonal, so I'll cry if you tell me
Speaker 1: like Snoopy passed away or something embarrassing. You could burn
Speaker 1: a hot dog and I'd be like, but it was
Speaker 1: just trying to survive. Why did you burn it? You know,
Speaker 1: I'm the cutest and you are all of those things,
Speaker 1: and you are such an example, and you are someone
Speaker 1: who I think is a constant bright light. You always
Speaker 1: a radiating love has to be kindness. You have such
Speaker 1: a you have such a light energy about you, Like
Speaker 1: being around you is so easy to be around you
Speaker 1: because you're just so welcoming to all. Oh thank you, well, special,
Speaker 1: you are special, and thank you for using your platform
Speaker 1: to make other people feel special, because you really do
Speaker 1: a great job of that. No, well, thank you for
Speaker 1: doing this, because all of your podcasts are like awesome
Speaker 1: and I loved it. They're just like you know, they're
Speaker 1: like they're really like women empowering and I love that.
Speaker 1: So that's why I'm like, I think it's just awesome.
Speaker 1: I think when I think, I really started this podcast
Speaker 1: because I was just wanting to get inside of people's
Speaker 1: brains who I looked up to, who have figured out
Speaker 1: how to navigate life in a way that I really respect.
Speaker 1: Because n getting this thing, especially when you aren't like
Speaker 1: following a traditional formula, is really interesting. Yeah, you would
Speaker 1: want to know, like trust me, Like I I watched
Speaker 1: everything and I'm like, oh, okay, learn something, learn something,
Speaker 1: like so good just to keep learning. And there's so
Speaker 1: many ways to skin a cat, as they say, you know,
Speaker 1: like nobody has to do it the same way. But
Speaker 1: I just like to like for me personally, I like
Speaker 1: to talk to people like you and other influencers and
Speaker 1: other people doing great stuff and just figure out like, Okay,
Speaker 1: how did you do that? Like like how did you
Speaker 1: not let fear get the best of you? How did
Speaker 1: you say brave? How did you find your calling? Like
Speaker 1: you know, and that's what we're thing. How would you
Speaker 1: tell someone to find their calling? Like you said, try everything.
Speaker 1: Just be curious. Just just be curious, Like if you
Speaker 1: if you have just like a small thought in the
Speaker 1: back of your head that's like, you know, I think
Speaker 1: I'd be really good at building furniture, but it's probably not,
Speaker 1: Like maybe you know, I should be going to college
Speaker 1: to be a professor. Just you know what, try it out,
Speaker 1: because realistically, that that small little thing that you have
Speaker 1: in the back of your head, that's that's your passion
Speaker 1: that you're scared to pursue because you're scared of failing
Speaker 1: at it. So try it and see if it works.
Speaker 1: And if it, I mean, maybe you're really talented or
Speaker 1: maybe you're really horrible at it, and you should just
Speaker 1: make furniture pieces for your own house and that's it
Speaker 1: and not have not sell them to anybody. But do
Speaker 1: it so that way, like it's your passionate whether or
Speaker 1: not I think. I mean, I think success depends on
Speaker 1: how you view it, you know what I mean? Like,
Speaker 1: I think success is being happy and and if you're
Speaker 1: happy doing that, then do it. Like you might not
Speaker 1: you know, that might not be your living, but you
Speaker 1: can do it. You can be happy and that's all
Speaker 1: that matters. Okay, one last question, because you touched on this,
Speaker 1: and I think it's really interesting. What is failure to you?
Speaker 1: Because you said you're scared of failing? So what happens
Speaker 1: when you fail? So many people are so afraid that
Speaker 1: when they failed, the world's gonna explode and everything's gonna end.
Speaker 1: But what happens when you fail? Because someone like you
Speaker 1: has probably run into some failure never But what is that?
Speaker 1: Why are people so hard? Tell me what it really is?
Speaker 1: I mean, failure to me is like okay, for instance,
Speaker 1: if you and I and I'm very hard on myself,
Speaker 1: so I'm my worst critic when it comes to work. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my gosh, like I feeled it that
Speaker 1: that that is that isn't blended the way it should be.
Speaker 1: That eyelier is broken. I'm horrible. Uh, I need to quit.
Speaker 1: I should never do make up again. I should be
Speaker 1: doing it on my dog. This is why don't you
Speaker 1: know the rabbit hole so fast? I didn't know. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm the worst. No one likes this. It sucks. Who
Speaker 1: am I fast? I know? Logan's like, baby, you go
Speaker 1: from like ninety too, like zero your past zero, You're
Speaker 1: like in the ground. Um. But that's also because I'm
Speaker 1: more like artistic and dramatic, So that's that kind of
Speaker 1: comes into play. But I mean I think failure like
Speaker 1: it should at least for me, it makes me want
Speaker 1: to be better the next time. So I get very
Speaker 1: down on myself for a few minutes and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: that was not good. That was so stupid, Like why
Speaker 1: did I mess it up? But then I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: think about it. Why did I mess it up? How
Speaker 1: can I fix it? What do I need to do? Okay,
Speaker 1: this is what I need to do. So then I
Speaker 1: kind of like like the failure was the problem. I
Speaker 1: figured out a way to solve the problem or to
Speaker 1: try to make it better, and then I attempted it again,
Speaker 1: and if it fails the second time and that's not working, out.
Speaker 1: Then I keep trying it, but I keep trying each
Speaker 1: time to make it better. So what either from the failure? Yes,
Speaker 1: So like I think like you just can't look at
Speaker 1: it and be like I'll never do that again. Tweak it.
Speaker 1: There's always a way to tweak it, because I think
Speaker 1: every single failure ends up being um, it ends up
Speaker 1: being a great success in the end. I just think
Speaker 1: you have to focus on swallow you exactly because you're
Speaker 1: just gonna get in like a little bubble and you're
Speaker 1: never going to try it again because it didn't work
Speaker 1: out one time, Like you're gonna give up after one try.
Speaker 1: Just figured out what went wrong and do it again,
Speaker 1: like and maybe you know, like I have a lot
Speaker 1: of makeup artists that will be like how did you
Speaker 1: do this? Or you know, how did you get started?
Speaker 1: Or how like what can I do? And I'm like, honestly, assist.
Speaker 1: Keep going out to agencies and reaching out to people
Speaker 1: and saying like can I assist you? And I promise
Speaker 1: you every note because they're like I feel like a failure.
Speaker 1: They're saying no to me, right you need when yes,
Speaker 1: it's more yeah, and it's like you know what, like
Speaker 1: and next year. If you if you've got a whole
Speaker 1: year of nose, keep going. You will eventually at some
Speaker 1: point get a yes. And if it means that much
Speaker 1: to you, then you'll keep doing it. If it doesn't,
Speaker 1: then you're like it doesn't, just let it go. But
Speaker 1: if it means that much to you, you will get
Speaker 1: a yes and you will learn off that yes. But
Speaker 1: maybe they said no because you needed to grow your book.
Speaker 1: So what do you do? You go, you get a model,
Speaker 1: you work on your craft, and you add to your book,
Speaker 1: and then you go back. So like that's the thing.
Speaker 1: If you keep getting knows, keep trying to improve yourself
Speaker 1: as you go, like yourself yeah, because that's that's all
Speaker 1: you can do is just continuously trying to improve you know,
Speaker 1: whatever you failed at, just improve it and work on
Speaker 1: it and go again. You know, like super easy. I
Speaker 1: mean it's not easy, but it's like give you a
Speaker 1: moment and then get out of your head. Yeah you do.
Speaker 1: We have Margarita drowning the sorrows, like drink it up
Speaker 1: and then the next day just be like, Okay, we're
Speaker 1: gonna have to go through this again, you know, Like
Speaker 1: and if it was an interview, maybe I need to
Speaker 1: show up fifteen minutes earlier. Maybe I need to, you know,
Speaker 1: go get my suit on, just just go do it again.
Speaker 1: You're fine, totally, completely fine. You will get a Yes.
Speaker 1: I believe that. I don't know anybody in my life
Speaker 1: that has consistently gotten to know. Yeah, you will get it, yes,
Speaker 1: and eventually. And also and also, don't like take yourself
Speaker 1: too seriously about it because it's not personal. Like That's
Speaker 1: what I've had to learn, is it's not personal, even
Speaker 1: though it feels really personal, it's not personal. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: it feels really personal, but it's not at all. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't give up on anything. I will like, I
Speaker 1: will drag it in like no matter if it's like
Speaker 1: a career or anything. Like I want a llama. I'm
Speaker 1: getting a lama. Do you really want a lama? Yes?
Speaker 1: I do. And this is this is this should be
Speaker 1: a lesson to all girls. I didn't give up asking
Speaker 1: my husband for it. He finally said, yes, when we
Speaker 1: have a yard that is big enough, he will give
Speaker 1: me a llama. What are you gonna do with the llama?
Speaker 1: I don't know, nit sweaters and I have absolutely no idea.
Speaker 1: But my point is that I didn't give up asking
Speaker 1: and I eventually got it. Yes, So if you have
Speaker 1: to be then like what are like? They's like driving
Speaker 1: it in, driving it in every day, like with your
Speaker 1: employer because you deserve a raise. Just keep going at it.
Speaker 1: He will get it. Yests, You're amazing, jess You're so amazing.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Thank you so much for joining me and
Speaker 1: sharing your story, your heart. This is my first like
Speaker 1: skyed interview, is it? I'm the first? Yes, girl, I'm
Speaker 1: shaking too much right now. You are so amazing, jess seriously,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. How amazing is Jessica? She's so positive,
Speaker 1: such an inspiration through everything she's been through, good Bade.
Speaker 1: She just takes it all in stride and she totally
Speaker 1: grows from it. She totally makes it beautiful. Her life
Speaker 1: is beautiful. I am so impressed by her. I cannot
Speaker 1: wait to meet her. Baby girl. Y'all, we are almost
Speaker 1: done with the Influencers series. I have just one or
Speaker 1: two more left. You won't even believe how great they're
Speaker 1: going to be, though, so get excited. We're at the end.
Speaker 1: How much fun has this been. I've loved getting to
Speaker 1: tap into all the minds of these incredible influencers and
Speaker 1: just see how they go about their day and their
Speaker 1: life and their business. So we got a couple more
Speaker 1: left for you. We'll see you next week. Bye,