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Speaker 1: Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, carryl Lyne.

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Speaker 2: She's a queen and talking a song even she's getting

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Speaker 2: really not afraid to fings episode and.

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Speaker 3: So just let it flow.

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Speaker 1: No one can do we quiet cary Lyne is sound

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Speaker 1: for Caroline.

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Speaker 3: I am here with Alta Springsteen.

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Speaker 2: Let's go.

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Speaker 3: I think the first time I met you was at

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Speaker 3: Tranny's baby shower.

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Speaker 2: That's right.

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Speaker 4: It was so random and like I feel like just serendipitous.

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Speaker 4: I've known Tranny since I was like twelve.

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Speaker 3: How By the way, Tranny is an amazing songwriter. H

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Speaker 3: what's her new last name?

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Speaker 2: Anderson?

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Speaker 3: Tranny Anderson. She moved to town. She's from my hometown

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Speaker 3: of Waco, Texas. I knew how much she was a kid,

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Speaker 3: she wanted to be a songwriter, and now she's here

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Speaker 3: writing for people like Alta Springsteen.

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Speaker 2: I love her story so much. If you don't know Tranny,

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Speaker 2: you know songs, yeah for sure.

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Speaker 3: And she's just like I just love her so much

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Speaker 3: because like this was her calling and she is just

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Speaker 3: doing it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So what did y'all write together?

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Speaker 2: So?

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Speaker 4: Were we started writing back when I was not even driving?

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Speaker 4: Like I moved to Nashville when I was fourteen, signed

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Speaker 4: publishing deal.

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Speaker 3: How did you get to Nashville when you were fourteen?

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Speaker 2: I mean, girl, there was never a plan B for me,

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Speaker 2: Like I always knew.

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Speaker 4: I always knew there was, just like I felt like

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Speaker 4: it was my purpose. And granted, I my family's not

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Speaker 4: in the industry at all. Grew up in a small town,

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Speaker 4: so there was no half pastors, right, yeah, yeah, it

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Speaker 4: was my grands are pastors. Okay, So there was no

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Speaker 4: like set path to follow. It was very much like

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Speaker 4: figure it out as you go, just walk through the

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Speaker 4: doors that open. But it was God the whole way through.

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Speaker 2: And when I got to Nashville for the first time,

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Speaker 2: it was just like an instant I fell in love

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Speaker 2: with it. It was an instant love affair.

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Speaker 4: I just felt like, for the first time I was

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Speaker 4: with people that spoke the same language. I always say,

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Speaker 4: like music is my first language. Yeah, I process my emotions.

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Speaker 4: It's how I have my hardest conversations. And for the

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Speaker 4: first time, it was like, Okay, I don't feel like

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Speaker 4: an outlier anymore. I just I feel like a fit.

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Speaker 4: You know, these people get it.

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Speaker 2: So my parents were amazing enough they took you here.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, we would take quarterly trips. We would drive twelve

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Speaker 4: hours in the car.

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Speaker 2: To come to Nashville four times. Ye, Virginia Beach.

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Speaker 3: So they were like here for the dream.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, oh my god.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I'm grateful that they they're kind of.

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Speaker 2: The way they grew up too, was a little.

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Speaker 4: Untraditional, Like they had me when they were twenty dropped

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Speaker 4: out of college.

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Speaker 3: And just being together. Yeah, were they married?

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Speaker 2: They weren't married, Okay, so it was a little bit drama.

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Speaker 3: So were they or their parents at sick because both

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Speaker 3: their parents are preachers.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I mean it was. It was drama. And

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Speaker 2: they were going to Liberty University, so is.

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Speaker 3: That even more?

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Speaker 2: It's just like a.

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Speaker 4: Very Christian especially back then when they went it was

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Speaker 4: like super don't hold hands in public, don't like super

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Speaker 4: conservative Christian.

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Speaker 3: You talk about a note to self, like that song,

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Speaker 3: how you wrote that for you but also for your mom,

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Speaker 3: also for my mom.

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Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, okay, I mean there's so much to dig

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Speaker 4: into there, but they tell this story now, like when

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Speaker 4: they thought they might be pregnant, they were scared to

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Speaker 4: even go out and buy a pregnancy test because.

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Speaker 2: Classmates might see them walk into the Walgreens or whatever.

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Speaker 4: It was such a small town, so there was just

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Speaker 4: a lot of guilt and shame that they started their

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Speaker 4: marriage with I think, oh, that's hard, if that makes sense.

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Speaker 3: Hard, And it's hard because like we were talking right

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Speaker 3: before we got into this, and I love your song

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Speaker 3: same God. I feel that so much because Okay, I'm scattered, rinning.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm squirreling. It's okay, but I'm gonna come

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Speaker 3: back around. So I relate to you so much because

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Speaker 3: I feel like I moved here from a small town

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Speaker 3: of Waco, Texas. I had an incredible family. Nobody was

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Speaker 3: in the music industry, but just like a good family,

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Speaker 3: good values, all the things. But I always felt like, Okay,

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Speaker 3: I have to get out of here, like I have

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Speaker 3: to get to where all the creative people, even though

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Speaker 3: it was a great, amazing community. Yeah, and so I

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Speaker 3: get to Nashville, and I just feel like I was

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Speaker 3: I have just been searching my whole life. I have

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Speaker 3: been searching my whole life. I've been looking for answers.

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Speaker 3: I thought maybe people had the answers. I thought maybe

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Speaker 3: love would be the answer. I thought, maybe, you know,

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Speaker 3: God is the answer, But like I didn't know where

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Speaker 3: to find God because you grow up with one example

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Speaker 3: of God through church, and then that didn't always like

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Speaker 3: totally sit perfectly well with me. Like I knew that

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Speaker 3: there were parts about the religious aspect that I learned

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Speaker 3: in church that weren't totally aligned with me, and then

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Speaker 3: I just didn't know where I belonged. And then I

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Speaker 3: always felt like I was unworthy and I just have

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Speaker 3: been searching my whole life. So when I heard your

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Speaker 3: album like and I heard Note to Self and Same God,

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Speaker 3: I was like, oh my God, you're brave enough to

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Speaker 3: write all this though, Yeah, because that takes bravery to

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Speaker 3: speak that out loud, because you're kind of telling your

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Speaker 3: upbringing and your family, Like I love you so much,

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Speaker 3: but like this is me and all of my mess

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Speaker 3: that I am trying to discover and I'm trying to

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Speaker 3: really forge out who I am, and I'm not afraid

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Speaker 3: to voice the messy parts. And I was so scared

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Speaker 3: to speak that out loud. How did you get that bravery?

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Speaker 3: Because that's so terrifying because you don't want to let

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Speaker 3: your family down. You don't want let your parents down,

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Speaker 3: you don't want to let your God down or religion

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Speaker 3: or whatever, you've grown up with, but you know you

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Speaker 3: have to go figure it out. Sometimes it's a mess

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Speaker 3: and sometimes you make mistakes, but you're writing about it totally.

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Speaker 3: Why are you so brave?

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Speaker 2: Oh my god? Oh well, thank you. I have not

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Speaker 2: felt brave this whole way through.

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Speaker 3: But how I feel like nervous and sick.

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Speaker 2: You know, it's funny you even mentioned that word, because

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Speaker 2: I look back, I think this journey started a little

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Speaker 2: sooner than I even would like to admit. Like when

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Speaker 2: I released twenty something, there's like three parts. Yeah, three parts.

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Speaker 3: You had a lot to say right over that.

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Speaker 2: Well, granted, I've been in town for probably eight years

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Speaker 2: at that point.

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Speaker 4: Okay, So it's just I had been writing, and it

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Speaker 4: was like songs that I had written within a season

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Speaker 4: of my life.

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Speaker 2: But it just like wrote itself in a way.

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Speaker 4: When I wrote the title track, it was just like

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Speaker 4: those songs were me starting to ask the real questions.

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Speaker 3: What were the questions you were wanting to know?

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Speaker 4: Why am I such a people pleaser? Saying why do

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Speaker 4: why am I so good at shape shifting? Why am

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Speaker 4: I so quick to abandon myself for other people?

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Speaker 3: Even though you're doing it? Though?

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Speaker 2: Would be so long to figure that out. So I

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Speaker 2: had a little bit of a wake up call.

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Speaker 4: I dated a guy who lied to me about everything

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Speaker 4: he ever told me, and we were together for about

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Speaker 4: nine months, but it shook me to my core. I

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Speaker 4: mean when everything came to light. So he was essentially

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Speaker 4: a con artist, like he was pretending to be a

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Speaker 4: professional golfer. Had me fooled, had my parents fooled, had

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Speaker 4: my friends full like kept us going for a while

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Speaker 4: a big.

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Speaker 2: Front to hold.

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Speaker 4: It was crazy and looking back still, I'm like half

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Speaker 4: expecting there to be a Netflix documentary any meant it

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Speaker 4: about this man and be like, oh my god, there

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Speaker 4: he is on my TV. But like all jokes aside,

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Speaker 4: it really did shake me. It rocked my trust in

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Speaker 4: other people. I was so trusting, like so naive, so

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Speaker 4: optimistic about everything.

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Speaker 2: I wanted to see the best in people.

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Speaker 4: And it also rocked my trust and myself, which was

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Speaker 4: the worst part of it.

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Speaker 2: And I realized that.

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Speaker 4: God, if I can be so wrong about this, like

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Speaker 4: what else in my life am I getting wrong? And

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Speaker 4: I realized that I was living my life for other

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Speaker 4: people for so much of my life. I'm the oldest

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Speaker 4: of four kids, you know, firstborn daughter to like babies. Practically,

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Speaker 4: they were twenty years old when they had me, so

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Speaker 4: I just like learned from a really young age before

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Speaker 4: I even knew what I was doing, how to take

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Speaker 4: care of other people and abandon my own needs.

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Speaker 3: So okay, and not just self. I have like all

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Speaker 3: the lyrics down here because there were things I wanted

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Speaker 3: to talk to you about that. It's like your younger

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Speaker 3: brothers are crying and you were soldiering, hiding in your bedroom,

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Speaker 3: trying to keep trying to keep it locked up inside.

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Speaker 3: You just ignored all the sirens. If I could go

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Speaker 3: back in time, and I tried to write it out

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Speaker 3: and it itself, and then this part, I'm gonna cry

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Speaker 3: because you say, I know you had to get us

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Speaker 3: through some hell. You couldn't put a name to what

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Speaker 3: you felt because you never hurt like that before. But

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Speaker 3: you aren't alone anymore. I got you, not like you

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Speaker 3: went back for your younger self.

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Speaker 1: That is.

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Speaker 2: Feeling.

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Speaker 3: You're gonna make me cry, a girl, but like that

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Speaker 3: is it because I just went back from my anger.

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Speaker 3: I've been trying to go back for my younger self

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Speaker 3: for so long, and it took me into like forty

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Speaker 3: to even know how to do that, but like you

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Speaker 3: went back and you got her.

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Speaker 2: Oh I did, and that's what I felt like.

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Speaker 4: It felt like so a big part of like the

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Speaker 4: tools that have really helped me through this process. One

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Speaker 4: big thing has been therapy. And I had to really

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Speaker 4: like find that on my own because coming from a

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Speaker 4: family that's very religious, you know, Southern Baptist Christian, there's

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Speaker 4: so much stigma around therapy.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I got so many calls from family members that were like,

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Speaker 2: why are you seeing a psychiatrist?

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Speaker 4: Like they're gonna brainwash you, you know, pray about it,

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Speaker 4: go to go to see a Christian counselor go like,

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Speaker 4: so is your.

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Speaker 3: Childhood trauma mainly around the church a little bit? Not

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Speaker 3: in like God, I'm not talking about God.

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Speaker 2: There's so much to dig into there. Yeah, I would say,

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Speaker 2: like a big part of the work I've done is separating. Separating. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: we're like the.

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Speaker 4: Where people get involved in religion. To me, it's like

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Speaker 4: faith on one side and religion on the other. And

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Speaker 4: I have more issues with religions. Yeah, and with faith,

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Speaker 4: Like faith has been so intrinsic to me my whole life,

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Speaker 4: and it's like something I'm so grateful for in the

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Speaker 4: way I was raised. I was raised to know that

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Speaker 4: there was something bigger that it wasn't just about like

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Speaker 4: living life for yourself.

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Speaker 2: Good morals. They taught me where to go with my questions,

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Speaker 2: but there.

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Speaker 4: Was so so much guilt and shame and rules and

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Speaker 4: just like checked boxes and judgment like us versus them

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Speaker 4: and all of these semantics that I'm grown up and

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Speaker 4: I've realized.

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Speaker 2: Like what does it matter? Like it's the same God

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Speaker 2: at the end of the day. What is it? Why

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Speaker 2: are we getting so caught up on these things?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but I mean going back to that therapy. Finding

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Speaker 4: therapy for myself was like massive, and I started doing

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Speaker 4: no I went a couple of times. I went a

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Speaker 4: couple of times. That was like my intro to therapy.

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Speaker 4: And then my co writer Laura Velts, well you probably know. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: she's a legend and just true one of the kindest

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Speaker 4: human beings, and she introduced me to my therapist. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: so she was like, you need to see my girl,

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Speaker 4: and it changed my life. I started doing EMDR.

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Speaker 2: Oh that was a massive is that ship for me?

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Speaker 3: Go back and you talk to your child.

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Speaker 2: So that's a lot of where.

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Speaker 4: I think note to self kind of originated from because

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Speaker 4: I was able to go back into these moments that

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Speaker 4: I maybe didn't even remember, but through like.

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Speaker 2: Following the.

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Speaker 4: Breadcrumb trail of emotions, you get back to these moments

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Speaker 4: where it's like, wow, that really cemented this pattern in

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Speaker 4: my life, this core belief of like you can't show emotion,

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Speaker 4: you have to be strong, like that moment in the

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Speaker 4: first verse, a moment in the first verse where it's like,

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Speaker 4: you know, your parents are fighting, your younger brothers are crying,

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Speaker 4: you were shouldering like that was a memory that I

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Speaker 4: had come up, and I had this vivid memory of

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Speaker 4: like my parents when they were going through something like

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Speaker 4: really fighting.

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Speaker 2: I had two younger brothers, one.

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Speaker 4: Younger brother and then the other one was just a baby,

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Speaker 4: and like he was little, little, and I just my

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Speaker 4: instinct in that moment was like, grab my brothers, don't

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Speaker 4: let them hear my parents fighting, Go into my room,

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Speaker 4: shut the door, like entertain them, just be strong, like

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Speaker 4: and I was terrified in that moment, but for me,

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Speaker 4: it was like, soothe my crying brother, Entertain this other brother,

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Speaker 4: like make sure that they don't feel any of this chaos,

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Speaker 4: and protect them at all costs from that, How did.

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Speaker 3: You even know that to do that?

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Speaker 2: I think it's instinctual, like when you're a kid, like.

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Speaker 4: When you're there raise the way I was, I was

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Speaker 4: kind of a third parent a bit to my brothers.

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Speaker 4: Your parents were so young, they're so young, Yeah, and

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Speaker 4: we were all so close, Like we're all homeschooled, so

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Speaker 4: we grew up spending a lot of time together. And

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Speaker 4: I mean, I just I never looked at it another way.

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Speaker 2: To me. It was just my therapist taught me this too.

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Speaker 4: It's like as a kid, you don't know how to differentiate,

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Speaker 4: like what is your fault and what's not. You just

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Speaker 4: think everything is your fault and you do what you

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Speaker 4: can to fix it.

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Speaker 3: So do you think, like your parents fighting was your.

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Speaker 4: Of course that's what kids just kind of assume, Like

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Speaker 4: when you grow up in houses like that where there's

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Speaker 4: a lot of turmoil, it's just.

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Speaker 2: Like it must be something wrong with me. What can

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Speaker 2: I do to fix this?

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Speaker 4: So like going back into moments like that where I

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Speaker 4: was just like in that moment, I picked up this

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Speaker 4: self defense mechanisms like armor that you put on yourself,

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Speaker 4: and it's like, don't show emotion.

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Speaker 2: Be strong.

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Speaker 4: Your job is to protect people, and don't show them

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Speaker 4: you're week. Don't show them it's affecting you, like put

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Speaker 4: on a brave face.

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Speaker 3: Did everyone just always think you had it together? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Like de like Alana's fine.

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Speaker 4: I had this conversation with my dad too, where I

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Speaker 4: was like, Dad, I don't think I ever cried until

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Speaker 4: I was like eighteen, unless I hurt myself, unless I

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Speaker 4: was physically hurting, but I never.

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Speaker 2: Cried, and he was like, that's right. Actually, Like I

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Speaker 2: don't remember seeing you cry as a kid. I always

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Speaker 2: thought that was kind of weird.

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Speaker 3: But everyone just thought you were okay.

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Speaker 2: Everyone thought I was just good and easy and genuinely

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Speaker 2: happy all the time. And I know you weren't okay

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Speaker 2: then No, I wouldn't have had words to put to it.

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Speaker 2: I think my whole life, though, I've struggled with when

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Speaker 2: you have. I was such an impath, like from an

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Speaker 2: early early age, and I didn't know that until recently,

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Speaker 2: and I've really had to learn to like you're with it, yeah,

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Speaker 2: and like realize, yeah, it's a superpower, but it also

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Speaker 2: needs to be protected.

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Speaker 3: And you can't absorb I'm such an impath too, are

319
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Speaker 3: you four on the enneagram.

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Speaker 2: Three or I don't know who you were.

321
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Speaker 3: I'm like, god, I do your four, and I am

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Speaker 3: such a four. And I literally, like I say all

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Speaker 3: the time, I live at the bottom of the drain,

324
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Speaker 3: like I am, like literally just always an emotional wreck.

325
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Speaker 3: I feel everyone's feelings. Like I will walk into a

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Speaker 3: room and if somebody has a bad feeling or is off,

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Speaker 3: immediately feel like I have to go, yes, fix it.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I have to.

329
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Speaker 3: Go energize, I have to go alchemize the energy to

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Speaker 3: make sure they're happy.

331
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Speaker 2: We're the same.

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Speaker 3: I know. That's why when you wrote your album, I'm like,

333
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:31,320
Speaker 3: this is me so much because I and I just like,

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Speaker 3: I have so much mad respect for you for putting

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Speaker 3: these feelings into words and putting them out there in

336
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:39,960
Speaker 3: the world because I haven't terrified, and I still am

337
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Speaker 3: at forty three years old, and I'll cry about it

338
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Speaker 3: right now. I cry every day. I don't know if

339
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Speaker 3: you do, do you know, do much more?

340
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Speaker 2: Yeah?

341
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:52,440
Speaker 3: But I'm terrified of someone I love being disappointed in me, oh,

342
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:55,600
Speaker 3: you know, being disappointed in me and not just someone

343
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Speaker 3: I love. But I'm also terrified of like anyone being

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Speaker 3: disappointed in me. Like anyone, if anything.

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Speaker 2: So where does that come from? For you?

346
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Speaker 3: Do you know I'm such a people pleaser. I mean

347
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Speaker 3: it has to come from my upbringing.

348
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Speaker 2: I think.

349
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Speaker 3: I think I'm born with this personality first off, but

350
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:12,040
Speaker 3: then also I just am a high function and codependent,

351
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Speaker 3: which I finally realized after I hired a life coach

352
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:17,480
Speaker 3: and like try I've hired, I've tried to do everything.

353
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Speaker 2: You need, like three different therapists and a life coach,

354
00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:23,480
Speaker 2: everything you can do to try to fix your brain.

355
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Speaker 3: I have done it because I'm like, I am so

356
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Speaker 3: insane and like everything breaks my heart, the world is

357
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:33,480
Speaker 3: crushing to live in, like people's feelings kill me. And

358
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Speaker 3: then like disappointing someone. So I hear your words and

359
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:38,680
Speaker 3: I'm like, how are you able to do that? And

360
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,240
Speaker 3: like writing same God and then going and playing it

361
00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:43,560
Speaker 3: for your grandparents, Oh my god, when you're talking about

362
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:45,360
Speaker 3: taking shots and like I think you even talk about

363
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:46,800
Speaker 3: hooking up with someone and them.

364
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:49,080
Speaker 2: Did you do that?

365
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:51,640
Speaker 3: I would have died one million deaths, but like I

366
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,360
Speaker 3: did that, same life, but I just hit it in

367
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,880
Speaker 3: the shadows and tried to still act like I was

368
00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:59,760
Speaker 3: following the perfect path because I didn't want them to

369
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:01,520
Speaker 3: be disappointed. How did you do that?

370
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:03,160
Speaker 2: Man? It's terrifying.

371
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,920
Speaker 4: I remember that specific moment, like going back home and

372
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:07,720
Speaker 4: the song was about to come out, so granted, I

373
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,800
Speaker 4: was like, I want to be respectful and like play

374
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,760
Speaker 4: it for them and like allow them to digest it

375
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,880
Speaker 4: so they don't hear it with the rest of the world,

376
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:19,360
Speaker 4: you know, But that moment, my heart was racing.

377
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:20,200
Speaker 2: I was so nervous.

378
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,880
Speaker 4: You probably couldn't tell, because again, I'm good at hiding emotion, right,

379
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:26,680
Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm totally fine, right time, We're good.

380
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:28,360
Speaker 2: But I was freaking out.

381
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:31,240
Speaker 4: And that was the most honest conversation I've ever had

382
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Speaker 4: with my grandparents. Like we grew up also living in

383
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:35,680
Speaker 4: the same house as them, so.

384
00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:37,360
Speaker 2: In a way they're like my parents.

385
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:41,240
Speaker 4: Like I mean, every single morning I would wake up

386
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:43,200
Speaker 4: and like sit around the kitchen table and have coffee

387
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,960
Speaker 4: with my grandparents and talk and like they are not

388
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,920
Speaker 4: only is my granddad my pastor, but he's also like

389
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Speaker 4: this incredible like figure in my family that I look up.

390
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:51,520
Speaker 2: To so much.

391
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:53,840
Speaker 4: That's a voice in the song, yeah it is, and

392
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,080
Speaker 4: that actually is from a phone call that we had

393
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:58,680
Speaker 4: where he was basically telling me that he was worried

394
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,160
Speaker 4: for me and scared I was going down to our

395
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:03,080
Speaker 4: path and upset that I was seeing a therapist and

396
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:03,840
Speaker 4: all of this stuff.

397
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Speaker 3: So this is a big song for them. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,

398
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:08,480
Speaker 3: I didn't even so.

399
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:12,199
Speaker 2: Okay, So I played it for him, and you know,

400
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:16,479
Speaker 2: a I realized, like in that moment it was important

401
00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,920
Speaker 2: for me to go into it knowing like I am,

402
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:21,880
Speaker 2: I'm doing this for me, like I don't need anything

403
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:24,520
Speaker 2: from them, I'm not expecting anything from them. I'm just

404
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:28,399
Speaker 2: doing this because I want to have honesty with my

405
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:32,360
Speaker 2: relationships and honesty with myself. And it was really tough

406
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:33,600
Speaker 2: because I aftergot a song.

407
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Speaker 3: I admire you so much, so thank you.

408
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:38,600
Speaker 2: That means a lot. Thank you.

409
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,480
Speaker 3: Well, I know a lot of this work is like invisible.

410
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,840
Speaker 4: That's the thing, and it's so it's so gratification. It's

411
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,440
Speaker 4: so crushing for you though, to you to.

412
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,080
Speaker 3: Say I am going to be who I am, Yes,

413
00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:52,000
Speaker 3: and I'm going to tell the people I love who

414
00:17:52,040 --> 00:18:02,280
Speaker 3: I am.

415
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,480
Speaker 4: So much of the past two years has been me

416
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:07,480
Speaker 4: keeping promises to myself and like building trust with myself

417
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:10,440
Speaker 4: because for so many years I let myself down.

418
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:11,600
Speaker 2: I abandoned myself.

419
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:16,200
Speaker 4: And as you do that, your body will stop listening.

420
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:17,760
Speaker 4: It will, it will start going Okay, if you don't

421
00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:19,680
Speaker 4: want to hear us, we'll shut the fuck up and

422
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,280
Speaker 4: just like deal with it. And for me that came

423
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:24,240
Speaker 4: out in like health issues and.

424
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,000
Speaker 3: Because you said another post where you could never eat

425
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:27,320
Speaker 3: junk food or anything, I couldn't.

426
00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:27,840
Speaker 2: I couldn't.

427
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:29,800
Speaker 4: It got to the point where I couldn't eat anything

428
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:31,680
Speaker 4: without getting incredibly bloated and.

429
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,600
Speaker 2: Like plain just so much pain.

430
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:37,640
Speaker 4: And it was my body going, we've reached our lime girlfriend,

431
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:41,080
Speaker 4: like you've got to We're trying to tell you, We're

432
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:41,880
Speaker 4: trying to tell you something.

433
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:46,600
Speaker 3: We're freaking out, we're screaming, and that it really.

434
00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:50,959
Speaker 2: Has opened my eyes too, to like how much of

435
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,280
Speaker 2: my life I've spent living out of my body.

436
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:57,359
Speaker 4: Too, like dissociating from my body and now learning like

437
00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:59,280
Speaker 4: where do I feel fear?

438
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:01,720
Speaker 2: Where do I feel anxiety? Where do I feel happiness? Joy?

439
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:02,880
Speaker 3: In different places?

440
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:05,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, and like learning to be more embodied. And that's

441
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,959
Speaker 4: translated into live shows too, like being able to get

442
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:11,760
Speaker 4: up on stage and not dissociate because I'm nervous or

443
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:17,120
Speaker 4: anxious or being perceived. But just like I'm here because

444
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:20,760
Speaker 4: this is my purpose and I get to enjoy being here.

445
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:21,960
Speaker 2: I get to perform just.

446
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:25,200
Speaker 4: For me, and by doing that, it gives them permission

447
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:27,920
Speaker 4: to just experience it for them and show up however

448
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:29,560
Speaker 4: they are, but.

449
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:30,680
Speaker 3: Performing just for you.

450
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,200
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, that was something one of my therapists

451
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,440
Speaker 2: told me where I was like, it sounds so simple,

452
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,320
Speaker 2: but I think most of my life I've been like

453
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:40,919
Speaker 2: grading myself based on reactions and just going am I

454
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:42,840
Speaker 2: good enough yet? Am I good enough? Yet? Are you

455
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,120
Speaker 2: having fun? Are you?

456
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:44,359
Speaker 1: Like?

457
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:46,320
Speaker 2: Are you getting what you need out of this? Instead

458
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,439
Speaker 2: of going am I getting what I need out of this?

459
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:48,800
Speaker 3: Like?

460
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:52,080
Speaker 4: I'm up here because this is how I communicate, This

461
00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:54,760
Speaker 4: is how I metabolize emotion. This is my gift, and

462
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:58,800
Speaker 4: I'm allowed to enjoy this, like I'm allowed to call

463
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,200
Speaker 4: this my job and also.

464
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:02,000
Speaker 2: Really enjoy this and not fun?

465
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:04,960
Speaker 3: So what did your grandparents say? So?

466
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:10,159
Speaker 2: My nana, my granddad a funny but not funny.

467
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,119
Speaker 4: He's kind of getting to that age where he's losing

468
00:20:12,119 --> 00:20:14,560
Speaker 4: his hearing. He's got a little bit of dementia setting in.

469
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:17,119
Speaker 4: God bless him, so, like I think most of it

470
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,639
Speaker 4: probably went over his head. Like after I sang, he

471
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,720
Speaker 4: just broke out into singing a hymn, like he didn't

472
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:25,440
Speaker 4: even really like address it. My Nana, on the other hand,

473
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:29,920
Speaker 4: was like I just and she's m I. There's so

474
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,639
Speaker 4: much I could say about my Nancy. We're similar in

475
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:35,480
Speaker 4: a lot of ways, but I've I have so much

476
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:39,359
Speaker 4: more empathy for her now because she's spent most of

477
00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:42,399
Speaker 4: her life silencing herself, Like I notice that now, Like

478
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:46,760
Speaker 4: she's such a deep feeler and she's so soft spoken,

479
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,000
Speaker 4: like so afraid to speak her mind, so afraid to

480
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,879
Speaker 4: ruffle feathers, and like when there were ever arguments in

481
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,199
Speaker 4: our family chaos, like she would disappear and just go

482
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,360
Speaker 4: play the piano and music.

483
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:57,000
Speaker 2: Was her therapy.

484
00:20:57,480 --> 00:21:00,919
Speaker 4: And I never realized that I got that from her

485
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:03,760
Speaker 4: until one of the last trips to home and I

486
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:05,720
Speaker 4: was like, wow, like I noticed that.

487
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:08,280
Speaker 2: I was like, that's exactly what I do. That's we're

488
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:09,160
Speaker 2: the same in that way.

489
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:11,640
Speaker 3: But she was just like howful and beautiful.

490
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:13,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, that worse more similar than I ever thought.

491
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:18,239
Speaker 3: For now you're speaking yeah rights, which honestly is honoring her,

492
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:21,879
Speaker 3: even if they don't even realize it, Like you're speaking

493
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,240
Speaker 3: your voice.

494
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,960
Speaker 4: So after I played the song. She she basically was

495
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:30,520
Speaker 4: just like, I just have one thing.

496
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:35,880
Speaker 2: To say, Like there's a difference between judging someone and.

497
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:41,040
Speaker 4: Being fearful for them and showing concern. And she was like,

498
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,240
Speaker 4: you know, if you saw me on a path that

499
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:46,560
Speaker 4: was hurting me and like that you felt was bad

500
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,480
Speaker 4: for me and dark, I would want you.

501
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:50,919
Speaker 2: To say something to me. So that was kind of

502
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:54,919
Speaker 2: her lens. And I was like, okay, fair, and I

503
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:57,880
Speaker 2: expected that, Like, you know, it's so hard to hear that.

504
00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:00,800
Speaker 3: But I'm like, has it's still it's still unresolved. You're

505
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 3: still like on your own path. That's the thing too.

506
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:04,919
Speaker 3: It's like where I relate to you so much is

507
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:07,320
Speaker 3: like I always felt that way. And I was like,

508
00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:09,560
Speaker 3: I was always so envious of the people who just

509
00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:12,120
Speaker 3: could say like this is like my sister, for instance,

510
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:16,320
Speaker 3: Like I'm so envious of her because she knows the way,

511
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:19,240
Speaker 3: the black and white way, like she knows the truth. Yeah,

512
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:23,440
Speaker 3: and she doesn't need to go explore outside of those boundaries.

513
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 3: Actually exploring outside of the truth is very painful for her.

514
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,880
Speaker 2: She knows her truth or the truth, and it might

515
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,520
Speaker 2: be in her mind both okay, you know, for me,

516
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:34,560
Speaker 2: I'm like it's all splatter paint. Like the whole world

517
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,120
Speaker 2: is like just a giant splatter paint, and like this

518
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:38,720
Speaker 2: could be the truth, and this could be the truth,

519
00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:40,160
Speaker 2: and this could be the truth and what if that's

520
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:41,960
Speaker 2: the way and that person has an idea and like

521
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:43,840
Speaker 2: this looks like I might want to try that, and

522
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:45,800
Speaker 2: like I need to know, I need to try all this,

523
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,119
Speaker 2: and like I do want to go get drunk, and

524
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:49,560
Speaker 2: I do want to make out, and I do want

525
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,919
Speaker 2: to do these things that I know necessarily aren't And

526
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:52,320
Speaker 2: now I.

527
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:55,080
Speaker 3: Have forty three, I definitely am through that. I'm on

528
00:22:55,119 --> 00:22:56,480
Speaker 3: the other end of the spectrum. And now I'm like

529
00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:57,680
Speaker 3: sober as a goat mana.

530
00:22:57,840 --> 00:22:59,280
Speaker 2: I mean, if you still want to go get drunk, like,

531
00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:00,560
Speaker 2: let's go tequila.

532
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:04,680
Speaker 3: I've been sober for almost four years now. Oh congrats,

533
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:07,680
Speaker 3: I mean, but not because honestly, my husband decided he wanted.

534
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:08,320
Speaker 2: To and feel better.

535
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:10,760
Speaker 3: Alcohol was terrible for me. I don't know being a

536
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:12,480
Speaker 3: four if you have this, but like it just made

537
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:15,440
Speaker 3: me more in my feelings. I would either cry, pick

538
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:18,440
Speaker 3: a fight or want to make out, but then fight.

539
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:20,600
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm probably right behind you there because

540
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:21,720
Speaker 2: I noticed some of those patterns.

541
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:23,760
Speaker 4: Sometimes I don't fun, like' not fun. I don't drink

542
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:27,399
Speaker 4: aton and never have. But like I have a feeling

543
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:28,520
Speaker 4: I'll be right behind you on that.

544
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:32,000
Speaker 3: Like some people are like, whoa, let's good spring break?

545
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:33,720
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, you know, I.

546
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:36,879
Speaker 3: Was like, all my feelings are worse and now like

547
00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:38,199
Speaker 3: I just like I didn't want to.

548
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:39,760
Speaker 2: Crawl under a blanket and cry about.

549
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:41,639
Speaker 3: Yell whor it's creamy.

550
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:46,280
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, I think I will say to that, like,

551
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:50,080
Speaker 4: there are just like different types of people, and I

552
00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:53,240
Speaker 4: think we're created differently for that reason. But I've started

553
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,240
Speaker 4: to see it as a gift that needs to be producted.

554
00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:58,240
Speaker 4: It's like not a right or wrong way to live.

555
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:01,840
Speaker 4: But in my opinion, if you just innately have that

556
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:07,119
Speaker 4: curiosity and your soul like you just need to experience,

557
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:09,919
Speaker 4: you just want to like color outside the lines and

558
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:11,879
Speaker 4: figure out where your right path is.

559
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:12,960
Speaker 3: And figure out your truth.

560
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:14,040
Speaker 2: That's what you need to do.

561
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:15,920
Speaker 3: Like for me, I know you have to go too

562
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:17,520
Speaker 3: far one way to realize that's too far.

563
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,919
Speaker 2: And for me, I know I never would have been

564
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:22,000
Speaker 2: able to be so.

565
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:24,600
Speaker 4: Confident in where I am now and like the life

566
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:27,280
Speaker 4: I'm living and the choices I'm making, what I am

567
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:30,760
Speaker 4: convicted about. If I hadn't allowed myself to ask hard

568
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:34,120
Speaker 4: questions and like disappoint people.

569
00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:35,440
Speaker 2: And follow suit.

570
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:38,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't learn just by like copying someone else.

571
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:40,840
Speaker 2: I have to learn it. I have to live it.

572
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:43,760
Speaker 4: And I mean that's so artist of me, right, I'm like,

573
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:45,199
Speaker 4: I need all the experience.

574
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:46,040
Speaker 2: I want to do it all.

575
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 4: But I think it's a little bit of a gift

576
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:52,199
Speaker 4: and the way I see it too, And the purpose

577
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:55,480
Speaker 4: of this album honestly was to create a space where

578
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:59,199
Speaker 4: people like me can feel validated in that and like

579
00:24:59,280 --> 00:24:59,880
Speaker 4: it's not a.

580
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:03,639
Speaker 2: It's not a flaw.

581
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:07,800
Speaker 4: It's actually like your superpower to be able to live

582
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:12,160
Speaker 4: all of this experience and then like turn it into

583
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,800
Speaker 4: something that other people can learn from an experience and

584
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:20,080
Speaker 4: like digest and I this album is not me going

585
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:23,120
Speaker 4: like I've done all the healing, I've got all the answers,

586
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:23,960
Speaker 4: got it figured out.

587
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:28,240
Speaker 2: It's more going. I actually.

588
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,399
Speaker 4: Am recognizing now that I don't have a lot of

589
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:34,679
Speaker 4: answers that I thought I had, and that's okay. Like,

590
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:37,520
Speaker 4: this is a space where I want people to feel

591
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:40,119
Speaker 4: like they can ask questions and be curious and not

592
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 4: feel guilt and shame because of it.

593
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 3: I think it's amazing, and I think I just want

594
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:49,439
Speaker 3: I want to validate you because you have validated me

595
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:54,520
Speaker 3: with this album and say that like I always have

596
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 3: felt shame for the way that I am, Like I

597
00:25:57,119 --> 00:25:59,480
Speaker 3: have felt shame my whole life. Yeah, because I feel

598
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:01,800
Speaker 3: like I'm just like, why am I a disaster? Why

599
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:03,480
Speaker 3: am I such a mess? Like why can I not

600
00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:05,919
Speaker 3: just like figure this out? Like why can I not

601
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:07,920
Speaker 3: just like stay on this straight and arrow? Like why

602
00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:10,720
Speaker 3: do I have to go and do all this exploring

603
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:14,640
Speaker 3: and searching, And like hearing your album and seeing you

604
00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:18,840
Speaker 3: talk about this so bravely and honestly, I'm like, Okay,

605
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:22,200
Speaker 3: it makes me feel like this is a beautiful thing

606
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:24,919
Speaker 3: and it is great that like there are people in

607
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:28,320
Speaker 3: the world who want to go to the depths of

608
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:31,120
Speaker 3: their emotions and experience all of it. Some people don't

609
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,879
Speaker 3: need that. Some people don't want to do that, and

610
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:35,960
Speaker 3: that's terrifying for them. But some people like you, and

611
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,359
Speaker 3: I relate to you so much, have to go to

612
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:42,000
Speaker 3: all these depths of every corner that their imagination can

613
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,120
Speaker 3: come up with and feel like if you have a curiosity,

614
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:46,360
Speaker 3: you have to go there and find out if it's

615
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:49,199
Speaker 3: for you or not, and then you come back and

616
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:53,399
Speaker 3: you recalibrate, and now you have your own alignment, but

617
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:54,080
Speaker 3: it's yours.

618
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:56,480
Speaker 2: Yes, girls true, I feel.

619
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:58,840
Speaker 3: That in your songs and I'm just but I'm gonna

620
00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:00,639
Speaker 3: say it again. I'm just so proud of you for

621
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,239
Speaker 3: being so brave to speak it out loud, especially at

622
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:04,399
Speaker 3: twenty five years old.

623
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:06,720
Speaker 2: God, that means a lot. Thank you, Oh, thank you,

624
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:07,440
Speaker 2: so healing.

625
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:09,719
Speaker 3: I was sitting there listening in the car and I

626
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:11,879
Speaker 3: was crying my eyes out, and it was another one

627
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,320
Speaker 3: of these lyrics that hit me so freaking hard. Was

628
00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:14,760
Speaker 3: it same?

629
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:15,080
Speaker 2: God?

630
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:18,080
Speaker 3: I think, oh love me anyway.

631
00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:22,800
Speaker 2: All all the in your feels ones, Oh my gosh,

632
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:23,920
Speaker 2: and it's said this one.

633
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:31,480
Speaker 3: It's like, okay, where is the part that I'm fine? Okay,

634
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:33,320
Speaker 3: It's like, because I drink too much, I get too high,

635
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:34,760
Speaker 3: I wake up next to some one I can't take

636
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,399
Speaker 3: back home. I've spent some nights that ain't like the

637
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:40,320
Speaker 3: way you raised me. If you knew, If you knew,

638
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:41,920
Speaker 3: would you still pick up the phone if I told

639
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:43,920
Speaker 3: you everything? Would you pray for me to change? Or

640
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 3: would you love me? Anyway. I know I still got

641
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:48,880
Speaker 3: a crossround my neck when I'm standing at a crossroads

642
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,120
Speaker 3: of where I've been and where I'm gonna be. Yeah,

643
00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:53,399
Speaker 3: I just want to know that you're still listening. And

644
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:58,720
Speaker 3: I'm like, man, because isn't that God's love? Ultimately it's

645
00:27:58,800 --> 00:28:00,959
Speaker 3: like in like coming back to the origin of it all,

646
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:03,800
Speaker 3: like doesn't God love us anyway? And when you talk

647
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:05,879
Speaker 3: about same God, it's like you're just out there in

648
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,399
Speaker 3: the big middle trying to find your truth and be

649
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 3: real to you. But it's like, are these people gonna

650
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:13,959
Speaker 3: love you when you are the mess? When you are

651
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:16,440
Speaker 3: in the big messy middle? Yeah, when you aren't walking

652
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:19,840
Speaker 3: in the straight and narrow and you're not lost. You're lost,

653
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:22,440
Speaker 3: but you're not. You're just you're looking for yourself and

654
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 3: you have to go through the woods, so.

655
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:26,440
Speaker 4: Right, And I wrote that with Training, actually you did,

656
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:28,160
Speaker 4: and it was like the first.

657
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:29,399
Speaker 3: Song circle back to Training.

658
00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:31,880
Speaker 2: I know she is such a godsend. It has been

659
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,600
Speaker 2: for me, like I wrote note self with her no way,

660
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:37,160
Speaker 2: Like every time that I have an idea that I'm

661
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:38,800
Speaker 2: terrified of, I.

662
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:40,520
Speaker 3: Take it to her, which is amazing because she's so

663
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:43,080
Speaker 3: rude in her face which has to feel so comforting

664
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 3: too to know someone so grounded in God is also saying.

665
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,160
Speaker 2: Yes, also a safe place, safe place for the mess,

666
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,520
Speaker 2: for the mess. It's been such a God thing. Like

667
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 2: I literally typed out those.

668
00:28:56,080 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 4: Chorous lyrics basically verbatim into my phone like a late

669
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:01,240
Speaker 4: night crash out.

670
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:04,160
Speaker 2: I was in my fields. I was just.

671
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:05,880
Speaker 4: Going through it, and I was at the beginning of

672
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:08,920
Speaker 4: realizing that the path that I felt I was meant

673
00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:11,520
Speaker 4: for was so different than the one I was taught

674
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:14,560
Speaker 4: to live. And I knew it was gonna be hard.

675
00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 4: I knew it was gonna be shake up. I knew

676
00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:17,520
Speaker 4: it was gonna scare a lot of people. I knew

677
00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:19,880
Speaker 4: I was gonna probably be pretty isolated through it and

678
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:21,240
Speaker 4: have to do it on my own, which.

679
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:23,920
Speaker 3: In reality, you're really not doing anything that crazy. I know,

680
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 3: you know what, And I'm like, it's I'm not that crazy.

681
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 2: I know.

682
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:31,640
Speaker 3: When you come from such a loving, protective family, they

683
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:34,440
Speaker 3: just want you to be safe and get into heaven.

684
00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:38,719
Speaker 2: And here's the thing that helped me too, is like

685
00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:43,560
Speaker 2: I grew up leaving in a literal heaven and hell

686
00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:44,800
Speaker 2: like a hell where.

687
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:47,880
Speaker 4: You burn for eternity if you don't do X, Y

688
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 4: and Z. Yeah, right, And my parents believe in that.

689
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 4: And I was taught that as like a four or

690
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,800
Speaker 4: five six year old kids like reciting these verses about

691
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:57,760
Speaker 4: like burning and being tormented for eternity. I'm like, don't

692
00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:00,560
Speaker 4: you think that's a little traumatizing for like five year

693
00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:04,760
Speaker 4: old mind cannot comprehend that concept, even if it is true.

694
00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 2: So my parents believe that to their.

695
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 4: Core, Like, and you know that's for them, Like, that's

696
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:18,239
Speaker 4: great for them, really, And if I truly did believe that,

697
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:22,400
Speaker 4: and I felt like someone I loved was doing something

698
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 4: that would send them to a place of endless torment,

699
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:28,720
Speaker 4: That's how I would react to I would try everything

700
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:31,880
Speaker 4: in my power to save them, to go Nope, pull

701
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:34,400
Speaker 4: you back over here. I can't let you make those

702
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:36,800
Speaker 4: decisions because it's gonna cost you more than you know.

703
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:39,920
Speaker 4: And the thing is, we just believe differently about that.

704
00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:42,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, And explaining that to them has been so hard.

705
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:45,040
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, I know this is your truth, but

706
00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:47,000
Speaker 2: it's not the way I choose to live life. I

707
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:48,880
Speaker 2: don't want to come at life from a place of fear.

708
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:51,040
Speaker 2: I want to come like I want to.

709
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:55,040
Speaker 4: I want to be close to God and like one

710
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:57,440
Speaker 4: with my faith out of a place of love and

711
00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:00,040
Speaker 4: just like dedication to it and not fear.

712
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:01,920
Speaker 3: Not doing it because you're scared you're going to burn

713
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:02,320
Speaker 3: in hell.

714
00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:06,240
Speaker 2: Yes, but because I like, I know this is right.

715
00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:08,080
Speaker 2: I know he has a purpose for me. I know

716
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:08,840
Speaker 2: this is the path.

717
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 4: And that's been a big part of like this album

718
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:16,000
Speaker 4: and a lot of these songs is it's just a

719
00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:20,960
Speaker 4: call to embrace like curiosity and acceptance and openness over

720
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:24,400
Speaker 4: fear and judgment. That to me is like the best

721
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:27,240
Speaker 4: way I can sum up with this album represents for me,

722
00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:32,080
Speaker 4: and I just think the world could use a lot

723
00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:37,760
Speaker 4: more of that, especially sometimes in these extremely religious communities,

724
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:38,720
Speaker 4: Like it's.

725
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:40,600
Speaker 3: So easy to forget grace.

726
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:42,520
Speaker 2: We're right, you're wrong.

727
00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:46,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, forget grace, forget forgiveness, forget forget empathy.

728
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 3: And remember how Jesus was. Jesus wasn't like that. He

729
00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:52,360
Speaker 3: was actually he was with all of the sinners.

730
00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:53,440
Speaker 2: Yeah.

731
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:55,520
Speaker 4: But when I wrote Love Me Anyway, it was kind

732
00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:58,920
Speaker 4: of a threefold question, like the first verse is to myself,

733
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 4: the second to my family, and the.

734
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 2: Bridge is to God that still got across around my neck.

735
00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 4: But I'm standing at a crossroads and that was a

736
00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 4: line that was a line training had like she saw

737
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:10,800
Speaker 4: the cross that I wear this all the time, and

738
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:13,000
Speaker 4: she was like came up with that line.

739
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:15,760
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my God, that just wrecked me

740
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:23,960
Speaker 2: because you're right in that god God's love is perfect love.

741
00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 4: And I grew up thinking that there were contingencies on it, rules,

742
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:31,120
Speaker 4: rules on it, like I need to present myself a

743
00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:34,040
Speaker 4: certain way for God. I need to when I pray,

744
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 4: like I'm I can't be fully honest, like right, there's

745
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:43,000
Speaker 4: almost like performance and even prayer and like that that communication,

746
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:50,520
Speaker 4: and I think I had to allow myself. I think

747
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:54,240
Speaker 4: I've learned that, like testing your faith is so important

748
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 4: and it's a concept that ruffles a lot of feathers,

749
00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:00,760
Speaker 4: like the idea that doubt is and to the sists

750
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:03,400
Speaker 4: of faith, but actually it's the past two faith. Yeah,

751
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 4: Like if you're not doubting, if you're not asking questions,

752
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:09,640
Speaker 4: like you're probably gonna have pretty weak faith that's not

753
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:12,080
Speaker 4: going to hold up in the reality of life, like

754
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 4: the the how gray life can be sometimes and like

755
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:21,360
Speaker 4: you know, in those moments where you know, I was

756
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:25,440
Speaker 4: taking shots backstage and I'm you know, living a life

757
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:27,040
Speaker 4: that my parents would definitely.

758
00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:29,040
Speaker 2: Not approve of. In a lot of ways, I would

759
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:29,760
Speaker 2: have prayed for me.

760
00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:31,920
Speaker 4: Like ten years ago, you know, I would have been

761
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:33,320
Speaker 4: the type of person that I would pray for.

762
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 2: And now I'm realizing that.

763
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:39,120
Speaker 4: God, it's it's so much less like about the checked

764
00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 4: boxes and the rules and more about just the your

765
00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:47,120
Speaker 4: heart position, like how you're living life, where you're living

766
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:50,600
Speaker 4: life from how you show up for other people. And

767
00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:54,000
Speaker 4: my faith has gotten so much deeper through this process,

768
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:54,800
Speaker 4: and it's.

769
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:58,240
Speaker 2: Yours, yeah, and it's mine, And it's like not something

770
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:01,880
Speaker 2: I'm performing. It's something that I'm wrestling with every day

771
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:07,520
Speaker 2: and learning more about and and practicing, and it's it's

772
00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:10,200
Speaker 2: just a lot more. It's ever evolving, I think, as

773
00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:10,640
Speaker 2: it should be.

774
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:16,080
Speaker 3: How are you emotionally with your family? Like, now that

775
00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:19,240
Speaker 3: this album is out, now that you have these these

776
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:24,520
Speaker 3: huge songs, these big conversations, how is it with them?

777
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:27,040
Speaker 3: Do you get like a sick feeling in your stomach sometimes?

778
00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:28,200
Speaker 3: Are you guys like ye?

779
00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:29,640
Speaker 2: I mean you see my body language.

780
00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:32,080
Speaker 3: I'm like immediately like because I would never be able

781
00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:33,640
Speaker 3: to do what you did. So I'm just wondering, how

782
00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:36,200
Speaker 3: has it been? Yeah, because I probably will just die

783
00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:37,680
Speaker 3: never expressing my full truth.

784
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:39,359
Speaker 2: That's not true.

785
00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:44,400
Speaker 3: I mean it might be somewhere, maybe not that publicly

786
00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:45,560
Speaker 3: because I'm too afraid.

787
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:57,759
Speaker 2: Yeah sorry, Yeah. My making this album in a lot

788
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:00,240
Speaker 2: of ways, was was the most terrifying because of my family.

789
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,720
Speaker 2: Like there was so much that I was writing about

790
00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:04,680
Speaker 2: for the first time, about my childhood, about the way

791
00:35:04,719 --> 00:35:09,040
Speaker 2: I was raised, and I'm so protective of them, always

792
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:11,120
Speaker 2: have been. I told you that story about me as

793
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:13,280
Speaker 2: a kid, Like that's how I've approached everyone in my family.

794
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:16,520
Speaker 2: It's very much like block you from everything, shield you

795
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:19,400
Speaker 2: from everything, protect you at all costs, like be whatever

796
00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:20,399
Speaker 2: I need to be for you.

797
00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:22,680
Speaker 3: So now you're saying this is how I feel.

798
00:35:23,239 --> 00:35:24,839
Speaker 2: It was like experience.

799
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:25,080
Speaker 3: Yeah with you.

800
00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:29,480
Speaker 4: I'm I'm going to tell my story and not with

801
00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:32,200
Speaker 4: the intention of like putting a spotlight on you or

802
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:35,360
Speaker 4: hurting you in any way, but telling this story because

803
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,319
Speaker 4: I hope it helps somebody else. Somebody else out there

804
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:39,400
Speaker 4: might need it or relate to it, or see themselves

805
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:44,279
Speaker 4: in it and find something beautiful from it. And we

806
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:49,200
Speaker 4: had a lot of hard conversations, a lot of periods

807
00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:51,960
Speaker 4: that were transformative.

808
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:56,680
Speaker 2: I think anything where it's like you're changing the ecosystem

809
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:57,680
Speaker 2: of your family.

810
00:35:57,719 --> 00:36:01,959
Speaker 4: And my family's very like we're so tight knit, grew

811
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:05,040
Speaker 4: up in like a very close circle, like not many

812
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:08,480
Speaker 4: people ever came in and nobody leaves. Like it's very

813
00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:11,239
Speaker 4: much like this is our tribe. And there's a lot

814
00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:13,919
Speaker 4: of beauty to that, but it's also like one if

815
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:18,640
Speaker 4: one person within that changes or evolves or like starts

816
00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:22,440
Speaker 4: behaving differently, it throws everything off. And it sent some

817
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:26,800
Speaker 4: ripple effects in my family, and I think it forced

818
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:29,960
Speaker 4: them to ask some hard questions too, and like I

819
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:33,279
Speaker 4: am grateful because they've shown up for every hard conversation

820
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:38,919
Speaker 4: that's from a place of like love and openness and.

821
00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:43,280
Speaker 3: Oh okay, we gotta fly away. His hair is amazing anyway,

822
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 3: thank you. Love your hair, wavy, natural waves.

823
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:49,480
Speaker 2: It's not natural. No, no, this is like an hour

824
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:54,480
Speaker 2: of doing it. Make it look so Mars did it. Mars,

825
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:57,000
Speaker 2: She's amazing. She she does my hair the best.

826
00:36:57,120 --> 00:37:03,680
Speaker 3: I love that. Hey. I just was like, if she

827
00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:05,640
Speaker 3: turns her head, you're just gonna have like one like

828
00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:19,439
Speaker 3: you know. I love that. Okay, So your family, though,

829
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:22,560
Speaker 3: they showed up for the hard conversations that to me

830
00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:25,960
Speaker 3: that's all you can ask for. I mean, because you're

831
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:29,280
Speaker 3: walking the boat, their boat and so but they're saying, Okay,

832
00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:31,759
Speaker 3: we love you so much that we are gonna come,

833
00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:34,120
Speaker 3: We're gonna go here with you. That's beautiful.

834
00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:36,000
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm so blessed for that.

835
00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:41,640
Speaker 3: So where have all landed since all this? How's your

836
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:42,280
Speaker 3: nervous system?

837
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:46,560
Speaker 2: That's a good question. I mean, I'm in therapy all

838
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:46,960
Speaker 2: the time.

839
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:50,360
Speaker 4: I'm I Every week I go see my therapist, so

840
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:51,400
Speaker 4: we have a conversation.

841
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:52,960
Speaker 2: It's been it's been really really good.

842
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 4: But my nervous system a is like more regulated than

843
00:37:58,120 --> 00:37:59,040
Speaker 4: it ever has been.

844
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:01,200
Speaker 2: I think it's been such it's been.

845
00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:05,760
Speaker 4: So eye opening to realize what regulated feels like, because

846
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:07,360
Speaker 4: now I'm looking back and going, oh my god, I

847
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:08,719
Speaker 4: was pretty unregulated for.

848
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:11,800
Speaker 3: You stop people. Have you caught or can you catch yourself?

849
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:14,560
Speaker 4: I don't know if I ever will fully stop having

850
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:17,560
Speaker 4: that instinct, because I think it's some of it is personality, right.

851
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:20,640
Speaker 4: I'm a Libra, I'm a three wing four like I

852
00:38:20,719 --> 00:38:22,000
Speaker 4: just I want to keep the peace.

853
00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:25,640
Speaker 2: I can see all sides of an argument.

854
00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:28,480
Speaker 4: I can put myself in somebody else's shoes really easily,

855
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:30,800
Speaker 4: which is a good thing. But also when it comes

856
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:34,080
Speaker 4: to like setting boundaries or going you hurt me, I'm

857
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:36,440
Speaker 4: so quick to invalidate my own feelings because I'm like,

858
00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:37,920
Speaker 4: I can understand why you did what you.

859
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:39,360
Speaker 2: Did, especially mad.

860
00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:41,839
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I just don't understand them. You can get

861
00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:44,040
Speaker 3: to the root even if they're completely disturbed. You're like, yeah,

862
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:46,720
Speaker 3: let's go back to your childhood when you have happened

863
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:48,920
Speaker 3: and that's why you're acting like this exactly.

864
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:50,480
Speaker 2: I think I'll always have.

865
00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:52,200
Speaker 3: That, which also is beautiful. That's a gift.

866
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:56,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's it's a double edged sword. I think with everything,

867
00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:59,120
Speaker 2: it's like you just have to understand it and learn

868
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:03,560
Speaker 2: how to navigate it. And so for me, I just have.

869
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:05,120
Speaker 4: To watch out for those things. I have to watch

870
00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:09,120
Speaker 4: out and check in and go like does this feel right.

871
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:09,480
Speaker 2: In my body?

872
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:12,520
Speaker 4: I'm really working on that, even just like small decisions

873
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:15,200
Speaker 4: like going what do I want to wear today?

874
00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:17,280
Speaker 2: Does this feel like a yes or no on my body?

875
00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:20,480
Speaker 3: Intuitive dressing blue or are we going.

876
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:21,120
Speaker 2: Like basic black?

877
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:21,680
Speaker 3: What are we feeling?

878
00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:24,319
Speaker 4: And like little things like that have really helped me

879
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:27,400
Speaker 4: learn what a yes and no feels like and to

880
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:30,160
Speaker 4: be more embodied just in small decisions.

881
00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:34,040
Speaker 2: That's really really helping me. Thank my therapist for that

882
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:34,440
Speaker 2: one too.

883
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:37,040
Speaker 3: Just like I love that just knowing all exercises you

884
00:39:37,239 --> 00:39:39,960
Speaker 3: want yes, instead of all of the layers that have

885
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:43,319
Speaker 3: been put honest, just like it happens, yeah, just like

886
00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:44,279
Speaker 3: what do you want?

887
00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:44,760
Speaker 2: Totally.

888
00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:47,520
Speaker 4: But I would say like when it comes to my parents,

889
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:50,520
Speaker 4: we're actually closer than we ever have been because it's

890
00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:54,960
Speaker 4: for the first time, like fully honest, and you know,

891
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:57,560
Speaker 4: I'm twenty five, I'm their oldest daughter, so like it's

892
00:39:57,600 --> 00:39:59,600
Speaker 4: the first time they've had a kid go from a

893
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:01,880
Speaker 4: child to an adult and like living their own life

894
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:03,280
Speaker 4: and setting boundaries.

895
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:06,640
Speaker 2: And I think they've actually handled it really gracefully all

896
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:09,480
Speaker 2: things considered, especially when your kid is like making an

897
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:11,880
Speaker 2: album about all this stuff and putting it out in

898
00:40:11,880 --> 00:40:14,440
Speaker 2: the world. Like I get it, I get it, I

899
00:40:14,480 --> 00:40:15,360
Speaker 2: get how hard that is.

900
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:18,120
Speaker 4: And I'm just really grateful that they've been able to

901
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:22,120
Speaker 4: have the conversations and have them from a place of love.

902
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:26,359
Speaker 3: Man gosh, and in a few years, like you are

903
00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:28,799
Speaker 3: going to have such a new normal. Yes, yes, Like

904
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:31,840
Speaker 3: I feel like that's so beautiful because it's like so

905
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:35,279
Speaker 3: hard to do the big shake. And then like once

906
00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:37,319
Speaker 3: it kind of levels out, then it's like, Okay, you're

907
00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:39,080
Speaker 3: going to be in a new normal. And you did that.

908
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,160
Speaker 3: You did that for yourself, you and your family.

909
00:40:41,239 --> 00:40:43,400
Speaker 4: I think it's important to realize too, for anybody out

910
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:46,480
Speaker 4: there that's like, oh my god, I feel so responsible

911
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:49,719
Speaker 4: for my parents' happiness, or for my siblings happen, or

912
00:40:49,719 --> 00:40:53,839
Speaker 4: whoever it is my partner's happiness to one of One

913
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:57,799
Speaker 4: thing that my therapist told me was like, you're never

914
00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:01,160
Speaker 4: going to be responsible for their happiness or their unhappiness.

915
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:04,680
Speaker 4: That's never going to be You can't take credit for it,

916
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:06,120
Speaker 4: and you can't blame yourself for it.

917
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:08,239
Speaker 2: That is one hundred percent their thing.

918
00:41:08,719 --> 00:41:11,279
Speaker 4: And if you spend your whole life trying to earn

919
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:13,600
Speaker 4: somebody's happiness, this is one thing she told me. She

920
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:16,799
Speaker 4: was like, yeah, it's kind of a morbid thought, but

921
00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:18,840
Speaker 4: it really like put things in perspective.

922
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:20,839
Speaker 2: It was like, if you spend your whole life trying

923
00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:23,279
Speaker 2: to make your mother happy, you're going to bury your

924
00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:26,520
Speaker 2: happiness with her. And I was like, oh my god.

925
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:32,240
Speaker 4: Like the idea that you can't ever make somebody fully happy,

926
00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:33,759
Speaker 4: You're never going to be able to do that. That's

927
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:36,120
Speaker 4: their responsibility at the end of the day to manage

928
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:39,200
Speaker 4: their own emotions, and you owe it to yourself to

929
00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:42,680
Speaker 4: be happy regardless, like because you can't control anybody else,

930
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:45,279
Speaker 4: but you can control whether you allow yourself to be

931
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:48,960
Speaker 4: happy and validate your own self. And that was a

932
00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:51,320
Speaker 4: that was an eye opener for me. Like she just

933
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:53,400
Speaker 4: drops these truth bombs sometimes where I'm.

934
00:41:53,239 --> 00:41:55,239
Speaker 3: Like, oh, thank you for that, thank you for that.

935
00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:57,239
Speaker 2: I needed that. Why does it sound so simple when

936
00:41:57,280 --> 00:41:57,719
Speaker 2: you say it?

937
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:03,759
Speaker 4: But yeah, it's I'm working on. I'm working on like

938
00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:07,160
Speaker 4: being okay, being a little misunderstood. And that's kind of

939
00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:08,560
Speaker 4: what Black Sheep is about too. That's another one of

940
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:09,479
Speaker 4: my favorite songs on the und.

941
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:11,840
Speaker 3: I don't think you're missingner stood. I totally, I totally

942
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:14,040
Speaker 3: feel you. And I'm like, thank you for those of

943
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:16,359
Speaker 3: us who are feeling the same way. I'm like, you're

944
00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:17,600
Speaker 3: speaking what I have.

945
00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:20,440
Speaker 2: Felt, you see, But like you were talking earlier, You're like,

946
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:22,120
Speaker 2: why do I feel so broken? Why do I feel

947
00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:23,440
Speaker 2: so crazy? Why do I feel that?

948
00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:23,759
Speaker 3: Was me?

949
00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:27,360
Speaker 2: Like I was in those like always asking myself those questions,

950
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:30,840
Speaker 2: always thinking I was the problem, Something's wrong with me?

951
00:42:31,040 --> 00:42:33,839
Speaker 2: Why Why am I so emotional? Why can't I just

952
00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:37,440
Speaker 2: like color inside the lines. Why is what's so easy

953
00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:40,960
Speaker 2: for everybody else so damn hard for me? And I

954
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:44,000
Speaker 2: mean it is the biggest compliment that, in some small

955
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:46,080
Speaker 2: way you feel more seen because of it, because I

956
00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:48,560
Speaker 2: think there's a lot of people that ask those same

957
00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:50,360
Speaker 2: questions all the time.

958
00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:53,040
Speaker 3: And someone not everyone's brave like you to put them

959
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:55,280
Speaker 3: into songs. So that's why I'm like, so great.

960
00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:58,160
Speaker 2: Thank you. Yes, And I say this all the time too,

961
00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:03,440
Speaker 2: but like, I think having something to put all of

962
00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:07,480
Speaker 2: this into has saved me because I'm so grateful that

963
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:12,520
Speaker 2: I have music to help me like metabolize this and

964
00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:16,000
Speaker 2: then like have it lived somewhere outside of me that

965
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:18,040
Speaker 2: I can just put it there and leave it there.

966
00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:23,000
Speaker 2: And Yeah, if you're going through like a season like

967
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:26,680
Speaker 2: that where things just feel really heavy or you're changing

968
00:43:26,719 --> 00:43:30,759
Speaker 2: a lot, I think everybody should create in some way,

969
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:33,759
Speaker 2: like even if it's just like cooking or like painting

970
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:35,560
Speaker 2: or like doing something.

971
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:36,200
Speaker 3: To get it out of you.

972
00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:39,399
Speaker 4: Yes, let it move through you. Don't let it sit

973
00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:41,040
Speaker 4: here because it's just too much.

974
00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:45,200
Speaker 2: Like I, having this album has saved me through the

975
00:43:45,239 --> 00:43:46,040
Speaker 2: past couple of years.

976
00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:50,520
Speaker 3: So that's amazing. Okay, quickly, Let's talk about touring Keith Urban.

977
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:53,320
Speaker 2: How is that insane? As you can imagine?

978
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:55,799
Speaker 3: What is that like? Just like just like for a year.

979
00:43:56,320 --> 00:43:58,440
Speaker 2: I mean yeah, it was a long I think the

980
00:43:58,440 --> 00:44:00,439
Speaker 2: longest tour I've done. It was probably about months.

981
00:44:00,560 --> 00:44:02,560
Speaker 3: Okay, so you kind of you get to know him, Yeah,

982
00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:04,319
Speaker 3: a friend.

983
00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:09,759
Speaker 2: He's so cool cool. Granted, like he you know, wasn't

984
00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:11,080
Speaker 2: around all the time on the tour.

985
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:14,160
Speaker 4: He's the headliner, like everybody tours differently, but the time

986
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:16,360
Speaker 4: we get we did get together, he's just so like

987
00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:17,800
Speaker 4: down to earth.

988
00:44:17,880 --> 00:44:19,240
Speaker 2: One thing he said that really.

989
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:22,440
Speaker 4: Stuck with me was we're all perpetual students and he

990
00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:25,719
Speaker 4: approaches every aspect of his career like that. And that

991
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:27,520
Speaker 4: was just a piece of advice that's going to stick

992
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:30,080
Speaker 4: with me forever, Like the idea of approaching life like that.

993
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:35,080
Speaker 4: You know, even where he's at like peak success, all

994
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:38,480
Speaker 4: the things, he's still going, how do I learn more?

995
00:44:38,480 --> 00:44:41,000
Speaker 4: How can I be better? Like what can I still

996
00:44:41,040 --> 00:44:41,359
Speaker 4: work on?

997
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 2: What do I not know?

998
00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:47,360
Speaker 4: And that's so exciting to me. Having that growth mindset,

999
00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:50,760
Speaker 4: I think is really really special. But we had a blast.

1000
00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:53,880
Speaker 4: It was so much fun. We had this like funny moment.

1001
00:44:54,920 --> 00:44:58,839
Speaker 4: You know how artists have like tour outfits, Like yeah,

1002
00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:01,760
Speaker 4: it almost like costing, right, They're like, it's.

1003
00:45:01,560 --> 00:45:04,520
Speaker 3: A lot to dress for, just like dialed in.

1004
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:06,120
Speaker 4: Have it dialed in and have it all figured out.

1005
00:45:06,239 --> 00:45:09,359
Speaker 4: So he had a similar outfit that he wore every night.

1006
00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:12,200
Speaker 4: It was like this black shirt with like paint. It

1007
00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:14,440
Speaker 4: looked like a custom different piece.

1008
00:45:14,239 --> 00:45:15,319
Speaker 2: Of art on it every night.

1009
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:19,000
Speaker 4: And I saw him we had played like a couple

1010
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 4: weeks worth of shows, and I saw him at cmafest

1011
00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:23,120
Speaker 4: and I was interviewing him for something and I was like,

1012
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:25,040
Speaker 4: he walked in and he was wearing like the same thing,

1013
00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:26,880
Speaker 4: and I was like, do you have like is that

1014
00:45:26,880 --> 00:45:27,560
Speaker 4: the same shirt?

1015
00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:32,000
Speaker 2: And he was like, no, it's a different shirt. I

1016
00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:34,960
Speaker 2: was like, okay, I wasn't sure if you had, like,

1017
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:38,000
Speaker 2: you know, a tour outfit or like something that you

1018
00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:40,600
Speaker 2: always wear. I wasn't meaning the exact same shirt, but

1019
00:45:40,680 --> 00:45:43,040
Speaker 2: like you know, Taylor Swift has her same bodysuit that

1020
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:47,520
Speaker 2: she wears show. Anyway, it got in his head. So

1021
00:45:47,719 --> 00:45:50,120
Speaker 2: every time I saw him after that, he was like,

1022
00:45:50,400 --> 00:45:53,920
Speaker 2: it's a different shirt. He sent me a picture of

1023
00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:55,799
Speaker 2: like his clothing rack on his tour bus, and they're

1024
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 2: like fifty of them same but difference to prove, just

1025
00:45:58,120 --> 00:45:59,200
Speaker 2: to prove that they were all just.

1026
00:45:59,239 --> 00:46:01,640
Speaker 3: Like either and I have a lot of shirts. Okay,

1027
00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:03,240
Speaker 3: oh my buddy God.

1028
00:46:03,480 --> 00:46:04,760
Speaker 2: But yeah, it was special.

1029
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:07,080
Speaker 4: And then I think one of the most memorable moments

1030
00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:09,160
Speaker 4: was here in Nashville at Bridgetone.

1031
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:11,120
Speaker 2: It was my first time playing Bridgetone.

1032
00:46:10,680 --> 00:46:15,880
Speaker 4: So like unbelievable, like driving from my house and like

1033
00:46:15,960 --> 00:46:19,200
Speaker 4: pulling in the loading dock at Bridgetone, it was just wild.

1034
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:22,359
Speaker 3: And like you're an artist parking, Yeah, you're people are here,

1035
00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:24,080
Speaker 3: this is you're part of the part of.

1036
00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:27,920
Speaker 4: This show, like so wild. I will never forget that feeling.

1037
00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:31,520
Speaker 4: But he pulled me up during his set to sing Landslide,

1038
00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:33,560
Speaker 4: and it was just like, what.

1039
00:46:33,480 --> 00:46:35,560
Speaker 3: Does that feel like when dreams are coming true? Like

1040
00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:38,200
Speaker 3: literally that's a dream come true? Yeah, what does it

1041
00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:40,520
Speaker 3: feel like when your dreams are coming true? In real time?

1042
00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:44,320
Speaker 4: I think in that moment it was like time didn't

1043
00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:47,160
Speaker 4: really exist. It just felt like this moment outside of time.

1044
00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:49,760
Speaker 2: And I'm grateful. Actually, I think the timing of everything.

1045
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:51,960
Speaker 4: I was able to be so much more in my

1046
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:55,160
Speaker 4: body for that performance, where I think if it had

1047
00:46:55,200 --> 00:46:57,160
Speaker 4: been two years ago, and I was a different version

1048
00:46:57,160 --> 00:46:59,120
Speaker 4: of me. I probably would have just gone whoop somewhere

1049
00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:02,120
Speaker 4: else because I was nervous and you know, there's a

1050
00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:04,120
Speaker 4: lot of people looking at me. And that was just

1051
00:47:04,200 --> 00:47:07,680
Speaker 4: my habit when I performed was like disassociated, going.

1052
00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:10,000
Speaker 2: To autopilot, disassociate. But I was able to be.

1053
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:13,640
Speaker 3: Like so present And just how did it feel you're embodied?

1054
00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:18,880
Speaker 2: It feels like you're putting your hand into a light socket.

1055
00:47:19,160 --> 00:47:23,440
Speaker 2: It's like you have this electric current running through your body.

1056
00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:27,319
Speaker 2: And I kind of visualize it like I think it's

1057
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:30,680
Speaker 2: source energy, like anytime you're channeling or creating. When I'm writing,

1058
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:35,399
Speaker 2: sometimes I feel like it's just this light coming from

1059
00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:37,759
Speaker 2: source into my body. And that's kind of how I

1060
00:47:37,800 --> 00:47:38,840
Speaker 2: visualize it, because.

1061
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:42,200
Speaker 4: Sometimes it can feel like a lot, and you just

1062
00:47:42,239 --> 00:47:43,920
Speaker 4: have to learn how to be a container for it

1063
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:46,200
Speaker 4: and not disappear and just like be able to hold

1064
00:47:46,200 --> 00:47:47,760
Speaker 4: it and know like I can't.

1065
00:47:47,520 --> 00:47:49,799
Speaker 2: Hold this, I'm meant to hold this energy right now.

1066
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:51,879
Speaker 3: But that's kind of that's wisdom right there.

1067
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:54,600
Speaker 2: It's hard to describe. It's it's out of body experience,

1068
00:47:54,640 --> 00:47:55,640
Speaker 2: but it's it's beautiful.

1069
00:47:56,040 --> 00:47:58,160
Speaker 3: Okay, And you're going to Europe, you're going to in

1070
00:47:58,200 --> 00:47:58,640
Speaker 3: like a week.

1071
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:01,480
Speaker 2: What is it called the haruko or I don't know

1072
00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:02,680
Speaker 2: how to said that.

1073
00:48:02,840 --> 00:48:06,880
Speaker 3: Last year we went, okay, going to the her Cossack

1074
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:08,479
Speaker 3: County Festival in Riaza, Spain.

1075
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:10,000
Speaker 2: I'll learn how to pronounce that, I promise.

1076
00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:13,440
Speaker 3: Festival is so fun, isn't it. Michael Sunny and I went.

1077
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:14,799
Speaker 3: My four year old. Five year old went on tour

1078
00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:16,880
Speaker 3: with Michael last year and we went to that festival

1079
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:18,440
Speaker 3: and it was amazing.

1080
00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:20,760
Speaker 2: So excited. I have never been to Spain. I'm dying.

1081
00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:23,200
Speaker 2: I'm dying. I want to eat all the food, yes,

1082
00:48:23,440 --> 00:48:25,359
Speaker 2: and just like do all I cannot just.

1083
00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:28,839
Speaker 3: Getting out of like you know, going into another world. Yeah,

1084
00:48:28,880 --> 00:48:30,799
Speaker 3: it's so amazing just to And I feel like that's

1085
00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:33,080
Speaker 3: the beauty of music too, all the places it takes you.

1086
00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:35,319
Speaker 2: I love traveling. Have you just like.

1087
00:48:35,440 --> 00:48:38,840
Speaker 3: Seen so many things, like the music is just taking everywhere.

1088
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:41,520
Speaker 4: I never I don't think I ever knew to dream

1089
00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:43,560
Speaker 4: this big. Honestly, it's so cool. I grew up in

1090
00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:46,040
Speaker 4: such a small town, like four thousand people, you know,

1091
00:48:46,239 --> 00:48:47,520
Speaker 4: when my parents.

1092
00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:48,400
Speaker 2: Have never been out of the country.

1093
00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:52,480
Speaker 4: Really, my grandparents definitely not so like to be really

1094
00:48:52,520 --> 00:48:54,759
Speaker 4: like the first person in my family to like get

1095
00:48:54,760 --> 00:48:58,160
Speaker 4: to travel the world, and it's just the dream come

1096
00:48:58,200 --> 00:48:59,960
Speaker 4: true and it's something I've always wanted since I was

1097
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:02,319
Speaker 4: a kid. That again, I felt weird for I was like,

1098
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:06,000
Speaker 4: why is everybody so good with just staying here and

1099
00:49:06,200 --> 00:49:08,480
Speaker 4: growing old and having a family and like putting roots down.

1100
00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:11,120
Speaker 2: That's beautiful too, It's beautiful, but it was just never

1101
00:49:11,280 --> 00:49:12,120
Speaker 2: gonna be my path.

1102
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:15,400
Speaker 4: And I always wanted to like see other other cultures

1103
00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:16,640
Speaker 4: and travel the world, and.

1104
00:49:17,360 --> 00:49:19,200
Speaker 2: It's just a big world, like I want to see it.

1105
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:21,719
Speaker 2: You know, there's so much to see.

1106
00:49:22,040 --> 00:49:27,160
Speaker 4: Next time, like Japan, Japan I want to do, like Iceland,

1107
00:49:27,280 --> 00:49:28,440
Speaker 4: Like there's so much I want to do.

1108
00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:31,080
Speaker 3: So okay, so we're going to wrap up. I am

1109
00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 3: so just thank you so much for your heart, your conversation,

1110
00:49:34,080 --> 00:49:36,120
Speaker 3: this album that you've put out. What do we need

1111
00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:38,680
Speaker 3: to know? What's coming up? What is in the docket?

1112
00:49:38,760 --> 00:49:40,680
Speaker 3: What everyone? How do we follow? You? Gives all the

1113
00:49:40,680 --> 00:49:41,600
Speaker 3: details of what's on.

1114
00:49:42,080 --> 00:49:43,960
Speaker 4: So I don't know when this is going live, but

1115
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:47,080
Speaker 4: Europe tours coming up. We are playing like top of July,

1116
00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:50,040
Speaker 4: so I leave like in a week, so excited. And

1117
00:49:50,080 --> 00:49:57,360
Speaker 4: then you're going where you going Spain, Spain, Germany, Manchester, London,

1118
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:05,160
Speaker 4: No not Germany, sorry, Northern Ireland, Belfast and then Glasgow, Scotland.

1119
00:50:05,239 --> 00:50:06,680
Speaker 3: And you're going with their bandy, you and your band,

1120
00:50:06,760 --> 00:50:07,960
Speaker 3: I'll get along the full band.

1121
00:50:08,200 --> 00:50:08,759
Speaker 2: It's gonna be some.

1122
00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:12,120
Speaker 4: It's my first like headline run out there, so it'll

1123
00:50:12,120 --> 00:50:15,759
Speaker 4: be a blast. We're it'll be trekking around just like

1124
00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:19,040
Speaker 4: it's always chaos traveling over there because you know, trains

1125
00:50:19,080 --> 00:50:21,319
Speaker 4: and all of that, as it makes it so great,

1126
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:24,480
Speaker 4: so great. And then later this year, I'm going on

1127
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:29,000
Speaker 4: my second headline tour. It's starting in September like through

1128
00:50:29,640 --> 00:50:33,920
Speaker 4: October twenty some dates across the US and playing like

1129
00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:35,440
Speaker 4: my first headline in California.

1130
00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:37,919
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't freaking wait.

1131
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:42,200
Speaker 4: Like I, as I was making this album, I envisioned

1132
00:50:42,239 --> 00:50:45,640
Speaker 4: these rooms so much. Oh yeah, Like just the idea

1133
00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:49,680
Speaker 4: of getting to sing lyrics this personal and like deep

1134
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:52,480
Speaker 4: in a room full of people is so powerful and

1135
00:50:52,520 --> 00:50:54,040
Speaker 4: I wanted to feel like that for them too. I

1136
00:50:54,040 --> 00:51:00,160
Speaker 4: want it to feel like almost like so so like

1137
00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:02,360
Speaker 4: vulnerable and transparent.

1138
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:06,240
Speaker 2: It feels like illegal to do that in the Yeah, it's.

1139
00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:08,120
Speaker 3: Like now that's healing. How the real time?

1140
00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:09,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, how do when do we ever get to experience

1141
00:51:09,960 --> 00:51:11,640
Speaker 4: something like that if it's not for live music.

1142
00:51:11,760 --> 00:51:14,720
Speaker 2: So I can't wait for those shows. Grab tickets.

1143
00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:15,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, just okay.

1144
00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:19,440
Speaker 2: Your website is just Alana Springsteen dot com. You're not

1145
00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:21,080
Speaker 2: related to Bruce, no relationship.

1146
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:21,799
Speaker 3: Have y'all met yet?

1147
00:51:22,040 --> 00:51:22,320
Speaker 2: Nope?

1148
00:51:22,360 --> 00:51:24,960
Speaker 3: One day, one day, fun, I would die.

1149
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:26,560
Speaker 2: I love his music so much. I want to see

1150
00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:27,959
Speaker 2: him live like all the things.

1151
00:51:28,040 --> 00:51:29,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, So you're going to Europe and you're doing

1152
00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:32,200
Speaker 3: your headlining tour, the album's out, is there saying? What

1153
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:33,759
Speaker 3: is there when you're working right now? Is it just

1154
00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:34,160
Speaker 3: kind of all?

1155
00:51:34,239 --> 00:51:36,200
Speaker 2: I mean saying God was like the last focus track.

1156
00:51:36,239 --> 00:51:38,359
Speaker 3: I freaking love that. I mean, that is a powerful song.

1157
00:51:38,360 --> 00:51:38,640
Speaker 2: Thank you.

1158
00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:42,320
Speaker 4: It's probably the song that I'm most proud of writing, totally.

1159
00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:46,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, so yeah, check that out. But yeah, the full

1160
00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:49,160
Speaker 2: the full record is just two years of my life

1161
00:51:49,280 --> 00:51:51,400
Speaker 2: in music form, and it means the world to me.

1162
00:51:51,480 --> 00:51:52,520
Speaker 2: So I love that so much.

1163
00:51:52,560 --> 00:51:54,319
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for joining me, Thank you for

1164
00:51:54,400 --> 00:51:57,160
Speaker 3: letting me beat dive into your brain. And by the way,

1165
00:51:57,200 --> 00:51:59,160
Speaker 3: if I got inside your brain, I still would love you.

1166
00:51:59,840 --> 00:52:02,879
Speaker 3: I love you more. I love you so much more.

1167
00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:05,080
Speaker 3: And I'm so grateful that you're brave enough to share

1168
00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:05,799
Speaker 3: what's in your brain.

1169
00:52:06,239 --> 00:52:08,400
Speaker 4: I'm so glad this happened from like meeting at Traine's

1170
00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:10,319
Speaker 4: baby shower to like making this happen.

1171
00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:11,160
Speaker 2: Thanks for having me.

1172
00:52:11,120 --> 00:52:13,200
Speaker 3: Well, I always and I loved you. Ad k One,

1173
00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:15,040
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for joining me. Okay, oh, I

1174
00:52:15,040 --> 00:52:17,319
Speaker 3: always wrap up with leader light. Last question, Okay, what

1175
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:19,720
Speaker 3: do you want people to know? Drop some inspiration? Mmmm.

1176
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:26,520
Speaker 2: I want people to know that all the things that

1177
00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:30,520
Speaker 2: make you different, that make you feel like you don't

1178
00:52:30,560 --> 00:52:33,759
Speaker 2: fit in, that make you feel misunderstood, are your superpower

1179
00:52:34,160 --> 00:52:38,080
Speaker 2: and so like, embrace them, learn about it, lean into it.

1180
00:52:38,239 --> 00:52:40,520
Speaker 2: I look at the things that I felt insecure about

1181
00:52:40,560 --> 00:52:43,279
Speaker 2: as a kid that made me different, and they make

1182
00:52:43,320 --> 00:52:46,040
Speaker 2: me uniquely built to live this life like nothing is

1183
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:49,239
Speaker 2: an accident. So embrace those things and figure out why

1184
00:52:49,239 --> 00:52:49,640
Speaker 2: they're there.

1185
00:52:50,239 --> 00:52:52,960
Speaker 3: Hey, then a lot of spring Sea. Thank you so

1186
00:52:53,040 --> 00:53:03,839
Speaker 3: much for joining me. This is amazing. Bye bye pop ennis.

1187
00:53:03,920 --> 00:53:09,000
Speaker 3: To contain pop tennis, to contain

1188
00:53:11,640 --> 00:53:13,600
Speaker 2: Coop tennis, contain