Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
Speaker 1: tip is don't agree to something that you will be
Speaker 1: grouchy about later. For the happiness of your future self
Speaker 1: and for the sake of your relationship with the person
Speaker 1: who is making the request, you may be better off declining.
Speaker 1: As I recently heard it put, don't consent and resent.
Speaker 1: So in our personal and professional lives, probably all of
Speaker 1: us have agreed to things that we know we aren't
Speaker 1: going to be happy about. You may also have had
Speaker 1: a partner or a colleague consent to a request of
Speaker 1: yours and then found yourself on the receiving end of
Speaker 1: what feels like unfair resentment. The person said yes but
Speaker 1: clearly didn't mean it, and now they are going to
Speaker 1: extract revenge in the form of being impossible to be around.
Speaker 1: So how do you avoid consenting and resenting? Sometimes we
Speaker 1: are not in a great position to decline a proposal.
Speaker 1: If your boss assigns you to a project you aren't
Speaker 1: thrilled with, you may just need to go along with it.
Speaker 1: But other times you may be able to compromise, or
Speaker 1: at least reach a place where you won't be bitter
Speaker 1: about saying yes. For instance, maybe your partner wants to
Speaker 1: host people at your home, which sounds fine, but you
Speaker 1: know that you often get stuck with the lion's share
Speaker 1: of the extra cleaning involved in making a home company ready.
Speaker 1: You can explain to your partner that you will resent
Speaker 1: having to do all that. So if your partner would
Speaker 1: like you to be happy about hosting people, you will
Speaker 1: need to split the list of work that you come
Speaker 1: up with. Sometimes we may actually be able to decline
Speaker 1: a proposal. Fun fact, you don't have to make your
Speaker 1: life harder to accommodate everybody else. This is where the
Speaker 1: phrase of don't consent and resent seems especially helpful. Maybe
Speaker 1: your friend wants to move your planned lunch date from
Speaker 1: Monday to Tuesday, but you know that Tuesday is completely
Speaker 1: packed with meetings. While adding a lunch date would theoretically
Speaker 1: be possible, it means you'd be rushing all day and
Speaker 1: likely need to stay late to get your work done.
Speaker 1: If that is the case, don't agree to move the
Speaker 1: lunch and then resent that you moved lunch from a
Speaker 1: time that was inconvenient for your friend to a time
Speaker 1: that was inconvenient for you. Say you can't do it.
Speaker 1: You'll either have to find another day that is convenient
Speaker 1: for both of you, or possibly do a thing thirty
Speaker 1: minute zoom lunch so you don't have to leave your
Speaker 1: office or switch to drink some evening. But since you
Speaker 1: have a voice in the decision, you don't need to
Speaker 1: consent to a plan that you will end up resenting.
Speaker 1: Are you worried what your friend will think? I mean maybe,
Speaker 1: But here's the thing. Resentment can poison relationships. You may
Speaker 1: feel in the moment that consenting is the agreeable and
Speaker 1: nice thing to do, but if you are going to
Speaker 1: be in a bad mood about it and be angry
Speaker 1: at your friend, that is going to come across as
Speaker 1: pretty disagreeable. You might actually do better with protecting the
Speaker 1: relationship by not introducing a source of bitterness. So don't
Speaker 1: consent and resent. You're much better off if you reach
Speaker 1: a plan that everyone can live with, then you can
Speaker 1: implement the plan with a cheerful spirit. In the meantime,
Speaker 1: this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making
Speaker 1: the most of our time. Thanks for listening to before breakfast.
Speaker 1: If you've got questions, ideas or feedback. You can reach
Speaker 1: me at Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast
Speaker 1: is a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia,
Speaker 1: please visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you
Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows.