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Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,

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Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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Speaker 1: tip is don't agree to something that you will be

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Speaker 1: grouchy about later. For the happiness of your future self

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Speaker 1: and for the sake of your relationship with the person

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Speaker 1: who is making the request, you may be better off declining.

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Speaker 1: As I recently heard it put, don't consent and resent.

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Speaker 1: So in our personal and professional lives, probably all of

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Speaker 1: us have agreed to things that we know we aren't

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Speaker 1: going to be happy about. You may also have had

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Speaker 1: a partner or a colleague consent to a request of

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Speaker 1: yours and then found yourself on the receiving end of

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Speaker 1: what feels like unfair resentment. The person said yes but

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Speaker 1: clearly didn't mean it, and now they are going to

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Speaker 1: extract revenge in the form of being impossible to be around.

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Speaker 1: So how do you avoid consenting and resenting? Sometimes we

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Speaker 1: are not in a great position to decline a proposal.

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Speaker 1: If your boss assigns you to a project you aren't

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Speaker 1: thrilled with, you may just need to go along with it.

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Speaker 1: But other times you may be able to compromise, or

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Speaker 1: at least reach a place where you won't be bitter

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Speaker 1: about saying yes. For instance, maybe your partner wants to

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Speaker 1: host people at your home, which sounds fine, but you

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Speaker 1: know that you often get stuck with the lion's share

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Speaker 1: of the extra cleaning involved in making a home company ready.

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Speaker 1: You can explain to your partner that you will resent

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Speaker 1: having to do all that. So if your partner would

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Speaker 1: like you to be happy about hosting people, you will

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Speaker 1: need to split the list of work that you come

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Speaker 1: up with. Sometimes we may actually be able to decline

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Speaker 1: a proposal. Fun fact, you don't have to make your

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Speaker 1: life harder to accommodate everybody else. This is where the

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Speaker 1: phrase of don't consent and resent seems especially helpful. Maybe

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Speaker 1: your friend wants to move your planned lunch date from

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Speaker 1: Monday to Tuesday, but you know that Tuesday is completely

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Speaker 1: packed with meetings. While adding a lunch date would theoretically

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Speaker 1: be possible, it means you'd be rushing all day and

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Speaker 1: likely need to stay late to get your work done.

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Speaker 1: If that is the case, don't agree to move the

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Speaker 1: lunch and then resent that you moved lunch from a

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Speaker 1: time that was inconvenient for your friend to a time

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Speaker 1: that was inconvenient for you. Say you can't do it.

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Speaker 1: You'll either have to find another day that is convenient

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Speaker 1: for both of you, or possibly do a thing thirty

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Speaker 1: minute zoom lunch so you don't have to leave your

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Speaker 1: office or switch to drink some evening. But since you

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Speaker 1: have a voice in the decision, you don't need to

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Speaker 1: consent to a plan that you will end up resenting.

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Speaker 1: Are you worried what your friend will think? I mean maybe,

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Speaker 1: But here's the thing. Resentment can poison relationships. You may

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Speaker 1: feel in the moment that consenting is the agreeable and

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Speaker 1: nice thing to do, but if you are going to

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Speaker 1: be in a bad mood about it and be angry

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Speaker 1: at your friend, that is going to come across as

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Speaker 1: pretty disagreeable. You might actually do better with protecting the

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Speaker 1: relationship by not introducing a source of bitterness. So don't

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Speaker 1: consent and resent. You're much better off if you reach

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Speaker 1: a plan that everyone can live with, then you can

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Speaker 1: implement the plan with a cheerful spirit. In the meantime,

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Speaker 1: this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making

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Speaker 1: the most of our time. Thanks for listening to before breakfast.

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Speaker 1: If you've got questions, ideas or feedback. You can reach

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Speaker 1: me at Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast

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Speaker 1: is a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia,

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Speaker 1: please visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you

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Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows.