1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional Girl Professional 2 00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:40,720 Speaker 1: It's your Girl Ebena from the Professional Homegirl podcast, the 3 00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:43,680 Speaker 1: only place where you would hear interviews from women of 4 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:47,199 Speaker 1: color anonymously on stories that were enlightened and expand on 5 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:50,800 Speaker 1: taboo topics. Now, if you hear someone that sounds familiar, 6 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:54,000 Speaker 1: mind the business that pays you child. Please support the 7 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:57,000 Speaker 1: show by leaving a five star review by some merch 8 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,960 Speaker 1: or simply share these stories with your Professional home Girl. 9 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:05,039 Speaker 1: You never know these storylines can be someone else's lifeline. Now, 10 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:07,640 Speaker 1: please keep in mind that all of my guests are anonymous. 11 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:14,160 Speaker 1: So let's begin this week's episode. So I am super 12 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,920 Speaker 1: excited to have my guests on the show today. She 13 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:21,560 Speaker 1: is committed to telling inclusive stories via unique viewpoints. My guests. 14 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:25,240 Speaker 1: Is fascinated with using storytelling and cultural criticism not as 15 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:28,880 Speaker 1: a way to overcome or transcend transcend her unique identities 16 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:32,679 Speaker 1: as a fat, bisexual, and disabled African American woman, but 17 00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:35,720 Speaker 1: as a way to explore them, celebrate them, affirm them, 18 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:38,880 Speaker 1: and most importantly, normalize them, and make the world a 19 00:01:38,959 --> 00:01:41,720 Speaker 1: safe enough place for people who share them to exist. 20 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 1: We are going to speak this into existence that her 21 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:48,840 Speaker 1: book fat On fat Off, a big bitch Menathisto dropping 22 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,440 Speaker 1: Mark seven would be on the New York Times. That's 23 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:54,040 Speaker 1: their list. So to my guests, how are you doing? 24 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:59,880 Speaker 1: I am good, Thank you for having me. I'm just 25 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:03,160 Speaker 1: be to be here. Honestly, Yes, I'm super excited. And 26 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:06,160 Speaker 1: her book is so good. I was so blessed and 27 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:10,320 Speaker 1: thankful to get an advanced copy and it is so amazing. UM, 28 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,040 Speaker 1: I just want to say that I absolutely love your 29 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:15,800 Speaker 1: book for many reasons, and I experienced so many emotions 30 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,840 Speaker 1: as I as I felt I saw myself in your 31 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:20,480 Speaker 1: story so many times. So what has this experience been 32 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:24,880 Speaker 1: like for you while writing your memoir? UM? Writing has 33 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:28,119 Speaker 1: been very interesting because UM, I think long time followers 34 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:32,840 Speaker 1: are aware that, like my UM living slash housing situation 35 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:37,480 Speaker 1: has been like just non existent, nonstable through the entire 36 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:41,320 Speaker 1: writing process, so from beginning to end even to me 37 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:46,320 Speaker 1: signing the book contract. So it's been interesting. Yeah. So 38 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:50,519 Speaker 1: it's been interesting trying to UM kind of gather these 39 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:54,320 Speaker 1: stories back together, UM, because everything is like a different 40 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:56,480 Speaker 1: essay that I try to weave together into one pice 41 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:59,240 Speaker 1: of story, right, So trying to remember all these stories 42 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,960 Speaker 1: UM through you know, the instability, but also through like 43 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:06,200 Speaker 1: the backdrop of like the pandemic. Right. I feel like 44 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:10,959 Speaker 1: people don't talk about that enough because you know, collectively 45 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:15,480 Speaker 1: we're trying not to I guess feed the beast that 46 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,880 Speaker 1: is COVID, I guess. But for me, I feel like 47 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 1: it's important to talk about, um, how that hath helped 48 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:26,559 Speaker 1: but also hindered the process. Right. So Yeah, it's been illuminating. 49 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 1: And I was lucky for like the first year or 50 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:35,880 Speaker 1: so like to have like a therapist and a psychiatrist 51 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:38,000 Speaker 1: on the side. So it's one of those things where 52 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,720 Speaker 1: like even when the process got really hard, I was 53 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:43,360 Speaker 1: able to pause and be like, Okay, I'm gonna go 54 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:47,880 Speaker 1: talk to my therapist or psychiatrist and like unpack whether 55 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,640 Speaker 1: it's just kind of dealing with the stress of balancing 56 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:56,320 Speaker 1: housing and writing, or like the um getting possibly you know, 57 00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:58,960 Speaker 1: retriggered by you know, remember I had to like think 58 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,680 Speaker 1: about in detail in order to get in yeah down 59 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:06,440 Speaker 1: on paper. So um, very tough process, not gonna sugarcode Dad, 60 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:09,880 Speaker 1: but ultimately very rewarding to to kind of see how 61 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:13,280 Speaker 1: I came together. No, I'm telling you, her book was 62 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:19,000 Speaker 1: so good, Like, um, I mean Gabrielle Union loved the book, Like, 63 00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:21,280 Speaker 1: how does that feel? Like? What was? What's that? We 64 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:25,719 Speaker 1: have been? The reception that you've been receiving from everyone? Okay, 65 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:30,360 Speaker 1: so um, obviously getting Gabrielle's co sign was UM awesome 66 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:34,320 Speaker 1: because I remember um reading her book We're Gonna Need 67 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:38,280 Speaker 1: More Wine. Her book was really good. Yes, it's really good. 68 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,520 Speaker 1: It's really good. So it's nice to have a co 69 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:45,200 Speaker 1: sign from another great author. You know, I love you know, 70 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:51,360 Speaker 1: I feel like people to be dishonest about how good 71 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:54,360 Speaker 1: it is to hear like good things about your work 72 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:57,159 Speaker 1: from like peers or people that you respect, Like I'm 73 00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,680 Speaker 1: never not gonna I'm never gonna pretend like that doesn't 74 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,920 Speaker 1: feel good, doesn't gas little bit? Yeah? I like that? 75 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:06,359 Speaker 1: Um yeah, I like I like that, like people just like, 76 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:10,000 Speaker 1: you know, well, I don't need them if you can't pretend, 77 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:13,360 Speaker 1: I don't go pretend. I like that keeps me going right. Um. 78 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:18,160 Speaker 1: And then other like other reception um has been like um, 79 00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:22,839 Speaker 1: either long time followers or like me shouls like pigging 80 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:25,360 Speaker 1: me like hey, you know, um, I work for this 81 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:27,440 Speaker 1: library or this book store, and I happened to get 82 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,960 Speaker 1: ahold of an advanced copy, and I just have to 83 00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 1: tell you how much this part of your book like 84 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:35,919 Speaker 1: really touched me or this part um you know, lots 85 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:39,279 Speaker 1: of like laughing but also crying to UM. And you know, 86 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:42,520 Speaker 1: I like hearing stuff like that because you know, life 87 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:45,880 Speaker 1: is really tough and there will be extremely hilarious moments 88 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:48,680 Speaker 1: in your life and sometimes not very hilarious moments. So 89 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:53,120 Speaker 1: it's nice hearing UM people who read it hold those 90 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:57,120 Speaker 1: moments like together because it is like one story. UM. 91 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:59,520 Speaker 1: So yeah, I just I just really love hearing from 92 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:05,920 Speaker 1: my careers, especially UM because I was definitely anxious about 93 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,520 Speaker 1: sharing some of the things that I do in the 94 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:13,000 Speaker 1: book because they're just very deeply personal. UM. And even 95 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:16,440 Speaker 1: though I've shared a lot in my public pieces with 96 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:20,839 Speaker 1: some of these outlets, UM, definitely had to push myself 97 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:24,880 Speaker 1: to share even more than I might usually do in 98 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:28,599 Speaker 1: my waking life. So it was like nice hearing that. 99 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:33,440 Speaker 1: You know, people UM picked up on how personal these 100 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:45,359 Speaker 1: things were. UM, but how um just how much you 101 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,960 Speaker 1: know they're they're supposed to like talk to you, you know, 102 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,400 Speaker 1: supposed to be kind of like this UM back and 103 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:53,920 Speaker 1: forth with the book essentially. Yeah, because when I was reading, 104 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:57,880 Speaker 1: I was like, what, Like, it's definitely and I'm one 105 00:06:57,920 --> 00:06:59,480 Speaker 1: thing I like about your book is I feel like 106 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,159 Speaker 1: a lot of the people can relate to it. Like 107 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:04,960 Speaker 1: I think that one part that hit hard for me 108 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:07,719 Speaker 1: was obviously when you were speaking about your family, which 109 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,840 Speaker 1: we all talk about a few but like, I don't 110 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:13,280 Speaker 1: have a relationship with my little sister, so we are 111 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:18,160 Speaker 1: in the process of going to therapy and I'm just like, whoo, child, 112 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:23,600 Speaker 1: this is gonna be Yeah. So I definitely appreciate you 113 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:26,320 Speaker 1: for just being vulnerable and just sharing your stories because 114 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:29,520 Speaker 1: I always say, you never know how your your storyline 115 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:33,880 Speaker 1: could be someone else's lifeline. M hm. So that's true. 116 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:42,920 Speaker 1: So let's start from the beginning. Tell us about your childhood. Um. Yeah, 117 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:45,080 Speaker 1: so I obviously still people want people to read the 118 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:48,280 Speaker 1: books on the say too much. Um, just if I 119 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:52,560 Speaker 1: were to do like in summation, Um, you know, Um, 120 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:56,280 Speaker 1: I honor my background and that you know, my parents 121 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 1: you know, are not German immigrants, you know, they came 122 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:02,320 Speaker 1: here to do the whole a dream thing, right, Um, 123 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:05,640 Speaker 1: you know, because there was also dealing with like instability 124 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:08,800 Speaker 1: back you know in Nigeria, which is as an own 125 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:10,760 Speaker 1: like a whole different piece that I can't really get 126 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:14,760 Speaker 1: into because I'm American born and kind of ignorant unfortunately. 127 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:18,520 Speaker 1: But um, yeah, so they came here trying to do 128 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:21,240 Speaker 1: the right thing. But you know, as people read, you 129 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:26,240 Speaker 1: know my um father was not very good person, right, 130 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:29,840 Speaker 1: so it complicated the whole process for everybody, um, and 131 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:34,040 Speaker 1: took that out on everybody in the house. Um. So 132 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:38,760 Speaker 1: it's one of those things where like, um, what could 133 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:42,559 Speaker 1: have been while a very turbulent process for them could 134 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,559 Speaker 1: have been a rewarding process that ended up not being 135 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:48,199 Speaker 1: so um and you know we suffered for it in 136 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:53,160 Speaker 1: the house. Um And UM, it was just it was 137 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,880 Speaker 1: just interesting because it did not have to be that way, 138 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:59,800 Speaker 1: and it was that way. So then you know, when 139 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,160 Speaker 1: you're in situations as a child where you know you 140 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:06,040 Speaker 1: have an emotionally immature parents who's just taking out they're 141 00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:09,440 Speaker 1: displaced anger on. You can be there just warranting because 142 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,720 Speaker 1: you know you're the kid supposed to be able to 143 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:15,080 Speaker 1: be the kid, right, Um, but you're dealing with an 144 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:18,440 Speaker 1: immature adult where like those roles are switched essentially, but 145 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:22,520 Speaker 1: because of the obvious power difference, Um, you're dealing with 146 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:26,920 Speaker 1: this central like very abusive child's in an adult you know, 147 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:30,520 Speaker 1: an adults body, um, which you know describes actually more 148 00:09:30,559 --> 00:09:36,040 Speaker 1: people than right. Yeah, I think a lot of people 149 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:40,240 Speaker 1: got a lot of fun up families, unfortunately, including exactly 150 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 1: right right. So, UM, you know I had to deal 151 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:48,800 Speaker 1: with that because also some of the emotional maturity that 152 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:52,959 Speaker 1: would leap out of this person was very hyper specific. Um. 153 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,719 Speaker 1: So as people are gonna read, you know, there was 154 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:59,520 Speaker 1: a lot of let's you know was before bia directed 155 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:02,440 Speaker 1: by sister. In my case, it was you know, fat phobia, 156 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:07,360 Speaker 1: being dark skinned, etcetera, etcetera. Um. It was different from 157 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:10,160 Speaker 1: my brother, different from my other brother. So just kind 158 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:13,560 Speaker 1: of dealing with that and dealing with the fact that 159 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:16,280 Speaker 1: you know, as siblings, wenna have different experiences with this 160 00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:22,240 Speaker 1: and remember different things. UM. So not to cut you off. 161 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,280 Speaker 1: Does that bother you? Because that's something that me and 162 00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:27,040 Speaker 1: my sisters to go through. We had two different experience 163 00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,800 Speaker 1: in the same household, and that ship drives me crazy. 164 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:31,520 Speaker 1: Does that bother you when it happens with you and 165 00:10:31,559 --> 00:10:37,679 Speaker 1: your siblings or doesn't it does? Um? And it's it's 166 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:40,960 Speaker 1: like it does because like sometimes when you talk about 167 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:44,040 Speaker 1: this stuff and they shared that different experience. You'll feel 168 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:45,840 Speaker 1: kind of gas lit, like I'm not gonna lie. Like 169 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:49,200 Speaker 1: I'll be like like, so you're just as saying this 170 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:51,760 Speaker 1: like you wasn't there, like he was right there. You 171 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:54,440 Speaker 1: don't remember right life for real? And it's one of 172 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:58,920 Speaker 1: those things were like honestly it varies her child or simbling, 173 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:01,040 Speaker 1: because you know, at the end day, some people are 174 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:06,240 Speaker 1: going to um decide to retain things like I guess 175 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:09,079 Speaker 1: in their medium memory and then decide that some of 176 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,840 Speaker 1: the things they don't want to retain m are not 177 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:15,080 Speaker 1: as important. And I'm like, well, you know that's your 178 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:20,120 Speaker 1: I guess, your prerogative, but um, you know, I don't 179 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:24,000 Speaker 1: think ignoring some of this stuff makes it go away. UM, 180 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:27,400 Speaker 1: just let's it fester. And I think something that I 181 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:33,000 Speaker 1: really appreciate about millennials in particular, but also very early 182 00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 1: gen Z is that, like we've seen the futility especially 183 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:41,959 Speaker 1: with our UM gen X boomer parents. Right, I have 184 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,880 Speaker 1: boom parents. I'm not gonna lie, they're they're older, right, 185 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:47,800 Speaker 1: UM Boomer agenda experience, like seeing the futility of like 186 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:51,840 Speaker 1: trying to cover that stuff up um and and recognizing 187 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:56,560 Speaker 1: when it just festers because people are dancing around the issue. UM. 188 00:11:56,600 --> 00:12:01,880 Speaker 1: So yeah, it was very interesting being in that house um, 189 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:05,040 Speaker 1: and even more interesting when I left the house because 190 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:09,079 Speaker 1: one of those things we're like, Okay, Um, nobody outside 191 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:12,480 Speaker 1: this house is responsible for what I happened to be unfortunately, right, 192 00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:16,120 Speaker 1: So I can't just go out and project it onto 193 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:18,720 Speaker 1: others like my parents did with me. Um. I have 194 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:22,560 Speaker 1: to figure out how to sort that, um and do 195 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:26,240 Speaker 1: the best with the little that I was given, right. UM. 196 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:30,480 Speaker 1: I think that's the other thing that UM really bothers 197 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:34,880 Speaker 1: people like us who have emotionally immature parents, is like 198 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:38,360 Speaker 1: you do, Yeah, I'm mopefully unprepared for the world after 199 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:43,080 Speaker 1: having deals still so yeah, So it's it's like that, 200 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:47,800 Speaker 1: and there's some resentment obviously with that. But UM, it's 201 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:50,880 Speaker 1: one of those things where you really have to pull through, 202 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:57,400 Speaker 1: um because you know, you can't change what happened, right, Um, 203 00:12:57,440 --> 00:13:01,720 Speaker 1: but you can determine what you're life looks like after 204 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,600 Speaker 1: that for the most part. We're not talking about like 205 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:10,760 Speaker 1: some outside factors. But um. Yeah, And so I'm from 206 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:12,400 Speaker 1: so I'm erased me from New York, but I was 207 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,960 Speaker 1: raised in Tennessee. I went to school at Tennessee State 208 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:18,840 Speaker 1: university and why did this Nick pick Tennessee for y'all 209 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:23,760 Speaker 1: live it. Yeah, that's why I put it in because 210 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:27,080 Speaker 1: I'm like, I know people like what, but like, no, 211 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:31,120 Speaker 1: for him, it was you know, he's a very i 212 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:35,679 Speaker 1: would say, miserly, um, very cheap person. So it's one 213 00:13:35,679 --> 00:13:37,880 Speaker 1: of those things when he looked at locations in terms 214 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:41,280 Speaker 1: of moving, um, and where to be advantageous for him 215 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:45,360 Speaker 1: financially to raise a bunch of kids, because I'm I 216 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:51,280 Speaker 1: have got account sorry, so like five or six siblings, right, so, um, 217 00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:53,280 Speaker 1: one of them did not live with us, like I 218 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,680 Speaker 1: mentioned in the book, because I'm thankful for that. Thankful. 219 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,560 Speaker 1: I'm like, yes, you don't have to be here to 220 00:13:58,559 --> 00:14:02,440 Speaker 1: experience this, y'alls. Right, Um, at least one of us 221 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:05,440 Speaker 1: can get away, right, somebody I don't have to go 222 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:09,760 Speaker 1: through all this exactly. So um, you know there we 223 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:11,480 Speaker 1: were a big family too. So it's one of those 224 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:14,760 Speaker 1: things where like do we does he stay in New 225 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,080 Speaker 1: York and try to raise us through that, or like 226 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:19,520 Speaker 1: do we want to go out west? Um? So for him, 227 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:23,520 Speaker 1: it was determined by cost in um also schooling and 228 00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:26,160 Speaker 1: how much that was gonna cost to for him personally 229 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:30,240 Speaker 1: because he was a medical professional, so thinking about all that, 230 00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,960 Speaker 1: he was like, yeah, I'm just gonna stay here. Um. 231 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,840 Speaker 1: So then you know, then we you know, we settled 232 00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:38,760 Speaker 1: in Tennessee and um, that was an interesting experience, you 233 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:42,840 Speaker 1: know being Nigerian too, um, because you know, we are 234 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,920 Speaker 1: like a mentionable. We're everywhere, even places people don't expect 235 00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:50,440 Speaker 1: this to be. So it's always interesting, like finding other 236 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:56,080 Speaker 1: Nigerians are Africans from that region because we're like, let's talk, right. 237 00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:59,960 Speaker 1: It's interesting, you know being in the appalation South in particular, 238 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:03,000 Speaker 1: right because people when people here South is usually like 239 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:06,640 Speaker 1: you know, we're thinking Georgia. Flash. I went to alabamaa 240 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:08,680 Speaker 1: is syby. I'm like, no, you know, testing is there. 241 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:15,240 Speaker 1: But it's interesting because you know it's almost like almost 242 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:17,960 Speaker 1: Midwest or Middle America depending on where you ex just 243 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:23,800 Speaker 1: in that state. So yeah, and you know, when I 244 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,440 Speaker 1: was reading your book on that in that particular chapter, 245 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:30,040 Speaker 1: you know, something did transpire between your father and your 246 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:34,080 Speaker 1: sister and why do you think your mom chose to 247 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:36,400 Speaker 1: stay instead of just leaving? Like have you ever have 248 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:41,040 Speaker 1: you ever had that conversation? Yeah, so we actually had 249 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:45,720 Speaker 1: like a semblance of that conversation once I had arrived 250 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:48,880 Speaker 1: in California, And like the latter half of that book, 251 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:52,520 Speaker 1: I didn't really go into detail because it was it was, 252 00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:53,920 Speaker 1: it was a lot. It was a bit as a 253 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,880 Speaker 1: very uh intense conversation. So one of those things you like, 254 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:01,080 Speaker 1: I didn't necessarily want to included because I want to 255 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:04,400 Speaker 1: keep a little bit close to my chest. Um. But 256 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:09,920 Speaker 1: for her and her upbringing and unfortunately that age group 257 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:14,400 Speaker 1: of um, black women slash African women, you know, partnership 258 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,760 Speaker 1: was stressed. Um. You know, partnership was stressed. You know, 259 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:22,560 Speaker 1: if you didn't have a partner, then somehow you were defective, right. Um. 260 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:27,000 Speaker 1: So for her, you know, unfortunately, um, when it came 261 00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:30,480 Speaker 1: now to you know, losing that partnership or you know, 262 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:36,680 Speaker 1: sacrificing her kid on the altar of partnership, she chose partnership. Um. 263 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:40,720 Speaker 1: And yeah, so I remember having that conversation with her 264 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:45,240 Speaker 1: because I was just like, you know, the world doesn't 265 00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:49,320 Speaker 1: end if you have to be by yourself, period, right, Um. 266 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:53,320 Speaker 1: But it also doesn't end if you decide to end 267 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:57,360 Speaker 1: the toxic partnership. Like you know, I feel like they're 268 00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:00,880 Speaker 1: your child. Yeah, you know, I just feel like there 269 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:03,760 Speaker 1: are people who would just deal with a lot in 270 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:05,920 Speaker 1: order to not be alone. And you know, my mother 271 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:09,359 Speaker 1: was one of those people. UM, And for me, it 272 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:13,840 Speaker 1: took me a while to like accept that um because 273 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:16,760 Speaker 1: you know, as much as she was also a victim, UM, 274 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:20,840 Speaker 1: she was also participant. So you know, yeah, it was 275 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:24,480 Speaker 1: it was very difficult to come to terms with that, 276 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:27,199 Speaker 1: like even as I wrote the book too, because you know, 277 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,720 Speaker 1: once you kind of step out of the situation and 278 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:32,879 Speaker 1: and start to write and observe what you saw, You're like, Okay, 279 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:35,879 Speaker 1: there's a whole picture, and it's not really a pretty picture, 280 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:38,880 Speaker 1: but that's you know, that's the picture none blessing. So 281 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:43,560 Speaker 1: you know, it definitely taught me important things about UM, 282 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,880 Speaker 1: not centering partnership in my life, but particularly not centering 283 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:53,080 Speaker 1: um like man um or just you know, abusive people too, um, 284 00:17:53,119 --> 00:17:57,000 Speaker 1: no matter what the family connection is. So yeah, it's 285 00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:59,679 Speaker 1: a tough lesson. But but you know, that kind of 286 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:02,879 Speaker 1: figure of that because being that she is Nigerian and 287 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,440 Speaker 1: I'm just like, I can just only imagine how many 288 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:09,760 Speaker 1: children have to suffer because of that idea or ideology 289 00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:11,359 Speaker 1: of how they feel like they have to stay with 290 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,880 Speaker 1: their family because you know, women back in the day 291 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:17,760 Speaker 1: are different than us. Yeah yeah, and you know, less 292 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:22,240 Speaker 1: options too, especially economically. That's why I struggle, Like I 293 00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:26,040 Speaker 1: understand people, you know, um choices, right, I do think 294 00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:29,840 Speaker 1: it's import to exercise your choice, especially as a woman. Right. 295 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:33,560 Speaker 1: But I always get so nervous, um when I see 296 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:37,320 Speaker 1: a woman giving up economic power, um, because I'm just like, 297 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:40,880 Speaker 1: it's just because like when she gets touched and gold, 298 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,520 Speaker 1: like sometimes that's all you have to fall back on. 299 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:46,120 Speaker 1: So I always get nervous about that, Like I'm I'm 300 00:18:46,119 --> 00:18:48,720 Speaker 1: gonna trust you because you're adult or whatever. But it 301 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:51,280 Speaker 1: always just just gives me a lot of anxiety because 302 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:54,200 Speaker 1: a lot of the reasons why my mom made those 303 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:57,600 Speaker 1: really unfortunately disturbing decisions too, um was like lack of 304 00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:03,159 Speaker 1: economic power. Um, she didn't and go really start like 305 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:07,359 Speaker 1: working working until like I was basically entering like teenhood 306 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:12,400 Speaker 1: you know. Um. So that also kind of contributed to it. 307 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:16,240 Speaker 1: Um being willing to like look the other way because 308 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,359 Speaker 1: you know your money is tied up in you know 309 00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,800 Speaker 1: this person, right, So what is your relationship like with 310 00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:25,720 Speaker 1: your family? Now, I don't talk to any new I'm 311 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:28,400 Speaker 1: not gonna life. I don't need the end of your 312 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:34,040 Speaker 1: now child. Okay, I did not talk to any of them, 313 00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:40,399 Speaker 1: you know, and I did really try to retain some relationship, 314 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,760 Speaker 1: Like obviously that was not gonna happened. My father, Um, 315 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:46,760 Speaker 1: absolutely not. UM. I tried with my mom, but like 316 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,640 Speaker 1: like I mentioned, she just was determined to not let 317 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:55,320 Speaker 1: this person go. But and then from my sister, Um, 318 00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:57,920 Speaker 1: as far as I heard, you know, the last time 319 00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:01,960 Speaker 1: I heard yes, um, because yeah, because I last spoke 320 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:06,680 Speaker 1: to them, it was like two thousand and it's really 321 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:09,520 Speaker 1: two thousand eighteen. And then there's like a brief second 322 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:13,000 Speaker 1: in because as you know, as you probably were two, 323 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:16,560 Speaker 1: you know, people saw the pandemic as very much a 324 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:19,720 Speaker 1: way to re enter people's lives, like oh my god, 325 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:26,080 Speaker 1: everybody sticking dying, you know, yeah, you know, so there 326 00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:28,120 Speaker 1: was definitely a brief moment where like she was trying 327 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:32,160 Speaker 1: to use her way back in and I was like no, um. 328 00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:35,280 Speaker 1: From my sister, you know, as people reading the book, 329 00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:40,040 Speaker 1: there was also attempts at reconciliation, but like she was not, 330 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,560 Speaker 1: like there was still some toxicity that she just did 331 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:46,480 Speaker 1: not want to like go of. And I'm just like, 332 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:50,399 Speaker 1: you can't be bringing that into this new relationship you 333 00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,080 Speaker 1: have with me, so like, that's not you know. So 334 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:56,240 Speaker 1: I was just like, you know, and then from my brother. 335 00:20:56,440 --> 00:21:02,119 Speaker 1: You know, this is why I say that, you know, 336 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:05,639 Speaker 1: the whole not all men thing, just like it is 337 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,960 Speaker 1: not you know, y'all got to really think about that 338 00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:09,720 Speaker 1: because you know, I was close to my brother and 339 00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:12,760 Speaker 1: well I wasn't because I found out he did some 340 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:16,560 Speaker 1: things that I did not jell with. UM. So I 341 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,560 Speaker 1: was like, yeah, I can't be working with you, like 342 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:23,280 Speaker 1: like fundamentally, we're just not we're not doing it. Um. 343 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:24,720 Speaker 1: And it's one of those things, like it was also 344 00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:27,800 Speaker 1: hard to let go this person because this person was 345 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:32,040 Speaker 1: mostly truthful about what he had also observed in that household. 346 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:35,119 Speaker 1: So it um, it did hurt to let this person go, 347 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,879 Speaker 1: But was one of those things were like you know, um, 348 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:42,399 Speaker 1: because of what I observed in that house, Um, you 349 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:46,080 Speaker 1: just have to choose to be better. And you know, 350 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:49,760 Speaker 1: a lot of my relationships with these people got cut 351 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:54,040 Speaker 1: off because they just the choice to not be better 352 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:56,600 Speaker 1: was what they went with. And I'm like, yeah, no, 353 00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,439 Speaker 1: because if I stay here, I keep working with you, 354 00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:01,920 Speaker 1: you just you just going to drag me down. Um. 355 00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:05,639 Speaker 1: And I personally don't believe in the whole feeding people 356 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:09,000 Speaker 1: the long spoon thing because people forget that this person 357 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:13,680 Speaker 1: can you know, they can grab the spoon, right, you 358 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:17,640 Speaker 1: don't take you back right? So um, so yeah, that's 359 00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:20,399 Speaker 1: that's my thing. I don't really talk to any of them. 360 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:22,800 Speaker 1: Well listen, kudos to you, sis, because I don't talk 361 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,199 Speaker 1: to my family. I do. I would like to have 362 00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:28,679 Speaker 1: a relationship with my little sister, um, because it does 363 00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,439 Speaker 1: really bother me that we're not as close as I 364 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:32,960 Speaker 1: would like us to be or I mean, we just 365 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,800 Speaker 1: don't talk at all. But I will say that I 366 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:38,640 Speaker 1: know it's not easy navigating this world by yourself. I'm 367 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:41,200 Speaker 1: just reading your story and I can only imagine the 368 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:44,920 Speaker 1: stories that you did not tell. Yeah. Yeah, so kudos 369 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,000 Speaker 1: to you. I'm just so proud of you. I feel 370 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,360 Speaker 1: like I'm looking at myself because I know this ship 371 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:52,840 Speaker 1: is not easy. No, it's not. Yeah. And then you know, 372 00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:57,120 Speaker 1: socidal messaging is always interesting too, about especially from the holidays, 373 00:22:57,760 --> 00:22:59,639 Speaker 1: which is why, which is why I open will I 374 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:01,600 Speaker 1: will what I said because I was just like, you know, 375 00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,199 Speaker 1: you tell people you talk to your family, They're just like, 376 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:08,960 Speaker 1: why they can't, Yeah, imagine it and I'm like, you know, y'all, like, yeah, 377 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:12,800 Speaker 1: you're born with them, but like there's no law, rigging 378 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:16,040 Speaker 1: stone somewhere that you have to keep working with these people. 379 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:19,439 Speaker 1: You know, Um, you didn't really have the choice to 380 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:23,919 Speaker 1: be born with them, you know. Um, now depend on 381 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,040 Speaker 1: what you believe that might be. You know, you might 382 00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:30,400 Speaker 1: argue that, but um, for the most part, I'm like, 383 00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:32,679 Speaker 1: you know, you don't you know, you're just here. You're 384 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:36,720 Speaker 1: born here. Um. Whether you retain relationships with these people 385 00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:40,200 Speaker 1: is entirely up to you. Um, But just no, like 386 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,040 Speaker 1: you know, it can be different, You can choose differently. 387 00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:47,639 Speaker 1: I know it's scary, um, especially when you don't have 388 00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:51,840 Speaker 1: any examples of it, but yeah, I just you know, 389 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:56,600 Speaker 1: I feel like familiar obligations should be questioned more, um, 390 00:23:56,840 --> 00:24:01,240 Speaker 1: especially if you know that you know they are, um, 391 00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:04,359 Speaker 1: impeding your growth as a person. I feel like people 392 00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:07,840 Speaker 1: should like be more critical about the connections that they 393 00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:11,280 Speaker 1: choose to retain. Listen, I know they're gonna be tight 394 00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,320 Speaker 1: when you hit that New York Times. That's so is 395 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:21,560 Speaker 1: They're gonna be tight. Yeah, oh my god. And also, 396 00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:24,840 Speaker 1: your family contribute to how you felt about yourself. In 397 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:29,760 Speaker 1: what ways did your family affect your self esteem. I 398 00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:32,159 Speaker 1: mean that's a great question. So, um, you know it 399 00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:36,359 Speaker 1: all all the problems. You know that the standard human 400 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:40,399 Speaker 1: being has always starts with childhood, right because that's the foundation. 401 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:43,680 Speaker 1: It's the foundation everything. Um, it's good and bad. Right. 402 00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:47,199 Speaker 1: So you know, like I mentioned, definitely gave me a 403 00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:50,800 Speaker 1: complex about being a darker skin, definitely gave me complex 404 00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:54,840 Speaker 1: about being fat. So it's one of those things. Were like, um, 405 00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:58,200 Speaker 1: those two things, you know, as things that were wrong 406 00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:01,919 Speaker 1: with me, right quotations. Um, we're always kind of like 407 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:06,040 Speaker 1: in the both in the background and foreground of my mind. UM. 408 00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:10,720 Speaker 1: So because of those things, I definitely tried to do 409 00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:14,760 Speaker 1: other things or play of other things too. Um offset 410 00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,280 Speaker 1: that in a way. So it's like I mentioned the 411 00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:20,320 Speaker 1: book where like then the focus became on you know, 412 00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:25,400 Speaker 1: the focus veered off to my grades, um or whatever 413 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:31,639 Speaker 1: talents I decided to um improve upon or you know, 414 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:36,679 Speaker 1: practice on. UM. So yeah, definitely from very early age, 415 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:41,160 Speaker 1: impacted UM how I felt about myself. UM and how 416 00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:44,119 Speaker 1: I felt about how I was perceived too, because you know, 417 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:48,080 Speaker 1: you can't really control for the most part, people's perceptions 418 00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:51,760 Speaker 1: of you. That's their perception, right, UM. So they also 419 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:55,840 Speaker 1: taught me um and obviously really funded the way that 420 00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:59,879 Speaker 1: you know, Um, at some point, you have to just 421 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:04,199 Speaker 1: not give a fuck, like you just can't, Like you 422 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:09,320 Speaker 1: can't face your opinion about yourself, specially your appearance, like 423 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:13,960 Speaker 1: physical appearance, Like you cannot allow yourself to have that 424 00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:17,880 Speaker 1: dictated by other people, because you also can't please other 425 00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:22,439 Speaker 1: people too, like everybody, So trying, yeah, trying to do 426 00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:25,840 Speaker 1: that is not only futile, but like detrimental to you, um, 427 00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:28,520 Speaker 1: because then you're just at the mercy of other people's whims. 428 00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:32,800 Speaker 1: That's the thing they taught me um by you know, 429 00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:38,480 Speaker 1: attempting to tear me down. So yeah, I when I 430 00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:41,159 Speaker 1: was reading your book, you mentioned um and moments of 431 00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:44,360 Speaker 1: intimacy with your lovers, and you were just saying how 432 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:46,639 Speaker 1: you felt like you didn't deserve love or even touch. 433 00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:48,440 Speaker 1: And I'm like, damn, like that's so funked up because 434 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:49,879 Speaker 1: how many of us can relate to that because of 435 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,680 Speaker 1: some ship our family told us And we can't even 436 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:55,359 Speaker 1: see our full selves because we can't see past the trauma. 437 00:26:56,080 --> 00:27:02,359 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. I was like yeah, yeah, like it bleeds 438 00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:05,760 Speaker 1: into everything, um, And I feel like if people were 439 00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:09,080 Speaker 1: more honest about that. We could have you know, healthier 440 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:14,040 Speaker 1: conversations that go past you know, two hundred dollar dates 441 00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:20,080 Speaker 1: or who's saving who in a fire? Life better conversation 442 00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:24,119 Speaker 1: if we really talking about that, you know, um, you know, 443 00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:27,560 Speaker 1: for better for worse. You know, Um, how our parents 444 00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:32,080 Speaker 1: raised us, but particularly how they spoke to us has 445 00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:36,240 Speaker 1: a huge impact on you know, who we date, how 446 00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:41,680 Speaker 1: we date, um, how we you know, like allow these 447 00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,439 Speaker 1: people to treat us or what we you know, decided 448 00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:51,480 Speaker 1: to look away from. Um. So yeah, like yeah, Freud, 449 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:59,600 Speaker 1: you can't keep get away with it? Why every day? 450 00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:03,120 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, No, I just he can't keep getting away 451 00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:06,400 Speaker 1: with you. Just what I'm saying, Like he just every 452 00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:15,160 Speaker 1: day he's proven right some body? Yeah, but right? Why 453 00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:18,119 Speaker 1: do you think that society has these expectations when it 454 00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:20,200 Speaker 1: comes to wait and do you think they would ever 455 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:22,200 Speaker 1: go away? Because I dont feel like how they did 456 00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:27,320 Speaker 1: Lizzo was disgusting. It is very disgusting. Um. I actually 457 00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:30,359 Speaker 1: saw a post the day where people were like, uh, 458 00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:33,080 Speaker 1: you know, she's so pretty because she's serving face or whatever, 459 00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:35,719 Speaker 1: and I'm like, even that is still do you know, 460 00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:39,920 Speaker 1: like okay, because you know, you you know, as a 461 00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:42,240 Speaker 1: fat person. You hear that a lot, like, even if 462 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,560 Speaker 1: it's not being said to you, like, you may observe 463 00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:47,360 Speaker 1: that when people discuss other fat people like oh, you know, 464 00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:49,520 Speaker 1: the fat but like their face like oh my god. 465 00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:52,400 Speaker 1: And I'm like, or even being a dark skinned girl, 466 00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:55,280 Speaker 1: you're pretty for a dark skinned girl, yeah, you know. 467 00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:58,880 Speaker 1: And I'm like, you may want to run that back. 468 00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:02,680 Speaker 1: I don't like that, right. But you know, in so 469 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:10,600 Speaker 1: far as like waight, um, uh, fat phobias origins obviously, um, 470 00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:14,800 Speaker 1: shout out to Sabrina Strings, Um you forgetting the name 471 00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:16,360 Speaker 1: of her book. Oh my gosh, she's gonna be my 472 00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:22,960 Speaker 1: ask at one point. Yeah, never her book, Um, I 473 00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:24,960 Speaker 1: don't have to look it up again. But you know, 474 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:28,440 Speaker 1: Sabrina Strings in her book goes into like the origins 475 00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:31,640 Speaker 1: of fat phobia and how you know they're racist, right? Um? 476 00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:35,440 Speaker 1: You know Europeans um came up with these categories to 477 00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:42,040 Speaker 1: separate themselves from us, you know. So then they're like, okay, well, 478 00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:46,200 Speaker 1: fatness used to represent being you know, opulent, invention and 479 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:49,760 Speaker 1: you know and wealthy, right, Um, we don't want to 480 00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:52,960 Speaker 1: be associated with Africans, So now we're gonna change what 481 00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:57,760 Speaker 1: fatness is associated with and make it associated with being 482 00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:02,000 Speaker 1: you know, dim witted or being you know, um greedy, 483 00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:06,920 Speaker 1: or being um you know just unintelligent or what like 484 00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:10,240 Speaker 1: whatever have you? Right, Like you like separating that and 485 00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:13,360 Speaker 1: associating that with Africans, with black people whatever. Right. So 486 00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:16,040 Speaker 1: I think that's part of it, because you know, anti 487 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:19,840 Speaker 1: blackness and racism are like they're deeply in trenches this country. Right, 488 00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:21,800 Speaker 1: So it makes sense that fact Bobi it would also 489 00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:25,880 Speaker 1: be deeply entrenched in this country. Um. But also, like 490 00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:28,040 Speaker 1: I mentioned the book in particular, a lot of it 491 00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:34,040 Speaker 1: also has to do with um controlling women, right, Um 492 00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:41,560 Speaker 1: you know, so how do I explain this? So that 493 00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:44,920 Speaker 1: Wobi is interesting in terms of when gender comes into 494 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:50,720 Speaker 1: play because there's this aspect of like control that happens 495 00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:54,760 Speaker 1: with gender. Right. So if you're a woman and you know, 496 00:30:55,320 --> 00:31:00,840 Speaker 1: gets impressed upon you to be thinner, um, that being 497 00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:05,760 Speaker 1: impressed upon you is just a form of control, like 498 00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:10,720 Speaker 1: because if you're smaller, your tiier, um, it's easier to 499 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:14,920 Speaker 1: kind of control you and occasionally harm you, right, especially physically. Um. 500 00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:18,200 Speaker 1: So I thought about that a lot growing up, and 501 00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:21,600 Speaker 1: in terms of um the ways in which violence in particular, 502 00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:24,360 Speaker 1: I was doled out like my observations of that and 503 00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:28,400 Speaker 1: how um, sometimes they correlated with weight, you know, whether 504 00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:33,600 Speaker 1: you know you're heavier or you're thin it right, So UM, 505 00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:35,680 Speaker 1: I feel like in terms of will they go away 506 00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:40,720 Speaker 1: in society mm hmm, I don't know. It's one of 507 00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:43,800 Speaker 1: those things where waxes and Wayne's right. So, like when 508 00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:46,280 Speaker 1: a lot of us were at home and like gaining weight, 509 00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:51,520 Speaker 1: there started to be conversations about, um, the role of 510 00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:57,000 Speaker 1: alphobia in terms of like work, labor, rest right, um. 511 00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:59,720 Speaker 1: And you know I had conference honest conversations with people 512 00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:03,080 Speaker 1: where we talked about how like okay, if this is 513 00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:08,040 Speaker 1: your weight, right while you are arrest, right, while you're happy, 514 00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:11,160 Speaker 1: or while you are less stressed than you would usually be. 515 00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:14,080 Speaker 1: Now you have to start asking self questions like, okay, 516 00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:17,040 Speaker 1: so this is the way I was always supposed to 517 00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:21,400 Speaker 1: be when you know, I am unstressed or unburdened right 518 00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:24,680 Speaker 1: by some of the things I usually burdened with. Um. 519 00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,840 Speaker 1: So people had to ask themselves for those types of questions, right. 520 00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:30,520 Speaker 1: But before we really got to the kind of the 521 00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:34,720 Speaker 1: heart of the matter. Um, you have these diet companies, right, 522 00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:38,320 Speaker 1: these exercise companies be like, oh, let's help you lose 523 00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:41,840 Speaker 1: that COVID fifteen, Like, let's help you get this extra 524 00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:44,600 Speaker 1: way off that you're pulling on while you're inside the house. 525 00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:47,240 Speaker 1: So then it got turned into the thing again where 526 00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:49,640 Speaker 1: it's like a stigma like, oh, if you get away 527 00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:53,400 Speaker 1: while you were trying not to die, you know, a 528 00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:56,240 Speaker 1: killer illness, there's something wrong with you. Like it's a 529 00:32:56,320 --> 00:33:04,400 Speaker 1: moral failing, right, soose moral failing too. So um, it's 530 00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:06,280 Speaker 1: one of those things that like, I don't know if 531 00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:09,600 Speaker 1: it will truly ever go away, because that'd be like asking, like, oh, 532 00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:12,240 Speaker 1: racism ever go away? You know, because there it's a 533 00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:16,440 Speaker 1: stomach thing. Um. But I feel like if we keep 534 00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:21,880 Speaker 1: having these kind of on his conversations about it, um, 535 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:26,880 Speaker 1: then maybe we could affect I guess the larger collective 536 00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:30,560 Speaker 1: understanding about how fat phobia affects us and how it 537 00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:33,600 Speaker 1: affects not just like you know, because people always focus 538 00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:36,440 Speaker 1: on desirability and dating or whatever. No, but I'm like 539 00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:42,600 Speaker 1: actual societal you know, implications, including things like employment, um, 540 00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:45,840 Speaker 1: things like even travel. You know, for example, I hate 541 00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:49,080 Speaker 1: flying on Delta because those see bills are smallest fuck 542 00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:52,120 Speaker 1: and I hate having to extend, you know, ask for 543 00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:55,840 Speaker 1: an extender because I feel like enough for me to 544 00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:58,440 Speaker 1: I don't think people should have to pay extra like 545 00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:03,520 Speaker 1: make this seat pable. Yeah, so it's it's things like that, 546 00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:07,080 Speaker 1: where like it's it's bigger implications than just like UM 547 00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:12,040 Speaker 1: desirability and and you know, UM dating and etcetera, etcetera. 548 00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:15,360 Speaker 1: So yeah, I don't think it'll ever truly go away, 549 00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:18,560 Speaker 1: but I feel like if we're more mindful about how 550 00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:22,200 Speaker 1: it affects kind of greater society than maybe we can 551 00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:26,640 Speaker 1: do something about it, you know, and something that's tangible. 552 00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:31,160 Speaker 1: But do you think social media plays apart in fact phobia? 553 00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:35,120 Speaker 1: I absolutely absolutely. Um. I feel like another part of 554 00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:38,800 Speaker 1: it is um what I personally called TikTok the devil 555 00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:41,959 Speaker 1: app but obviously don't have no room to talk because 556 00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:43,719 Speaker 1: I'll be on Twitter, you know, and Twitter is his 557 00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:47,799 Speaker 1: own devil app. Right, but UM, you better enjoy. We're 558 00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:51,239 Speaker 1: about to go bye bye child, right. UM. I just 559 00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:59,120 Speaker 1: feel like people's UM affinity currently for like just being 560 00:34:59,719 --> 00:35:04,880 Speaker 1: calv Hilaire about recording each other. Um. It's something I 561 00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:08,480 Speaker 1: really don't like, UM because it invites a lot of 562 00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:16,319 Speaker 1: scrutiny on people's appearances and particularly articular UM you know, 563 00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:22,080 Speaker 1: when we were kind of like in and really heavily 564 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:25,960 Speaker 1: focused on trying to alright, okay COVID before people decided 565 00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:29,640 Speaker 1: to start ignoring You're right. Um. You know there I 566 00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:41,880 Speaker 1: talked about how like people starting to focus on UM 567 00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:44,800 Speaker 1: in particular like video and how they go about getting 568 00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:48,960 Speaker 1: video and content. I thought that was going to eventually 569 00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:52,880 Speaker 1: backfire in terms of like a post pandemic world in 570 00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:58,960 Speaker 1: that UM people will feel more comfortable commenting on people 571 00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:03,360 Speaker 1: and their bodies, especially after not having been outside in 572 00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:06,640 Speaker 1: so long, if that makes sense, like you just eager, 573 00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:09,680 Speaker 1: you know, to get back out in the world. Um. 574 00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:12,600 Speaker 1: And honestly, I feel like, again we don't talk about 575 00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:16,320 Speaker 1: this enough, a lot of people's social skills erodent just 576 00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:23,239 Speaker 1: when they work inside. Yeah, you know, and I feel 577 00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:26,800 Speaker 1: like I don't know me, but I feel like, yes, 578 00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:32,840 Speaker 1: thank you. I feel like, um, I noticed the shift happened. Um. 579 00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:36,719 Speaker 1: I want to thing one because it was the way 580 00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:41,120 Speaker 1: that people were, you know, you know, a little bit mean, 581 00:36:41,719 --> 00:36:45,719 Speaker 1: a little bit snappier way interacting with you know, the 582 00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:49,799 Speaker 1: next you know, human being. UM. So I feel like 583 00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:54,640 Speaker 1: it after having gone through that and then coming back outside, 584 00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:59,000 Speaker 1: people are kind of just way too comfortable commenting on 585 00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:04,640 Speaker 1: people's bodies. UM. So yeah, I just feel like that 586 00:37:04,719 --> 00:37:10,319 Speaker 1: has definitely contributed to it. Um yeah, I don't know 587 00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:14,680 Speaker 1: how we fixed that personally, UM obviously and feeling like 588 00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:18,359 Speaker 1: you shouldn't just be going around recording anybody, but you know, 589 00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:25,200 Speaker 1: this kind of focus on making everything content, um, you 590 00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:29,640 Speaker 1: know incentifizes people to do that. So I definitely think 591 00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:34,879 Speaker 1: social media contributed. Yeah, and I think because of social media. 592 00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:37,080 Speaker 1: I think, well, I think because of COVID, because COVID 593 00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:40,879 Speaker 1: definitely shifted things like things have not saying I don't care, 594 00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:42,879 Speaker 1: how are we trying to go back to being how 595 00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:46,759 Speaker 1: it used to be? But things are normal right in quotations, 596 00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:51,560 Speaker 1: So I definitely agree with you on that. Um. I 597 00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:55,200 Speaker 1: was reading an article on how on how somebody positivity 598 00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:59,520 Speaker 1: phrases reinforced able is M and I was like, Okay, 599 00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:02,319 Speaker 1: that doesn't exense because one of the phrases that was 600 00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:06,000 Speaker 1: mentioned was we celebrate all body types. But then when 601 00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:08,120 Speaker 1: you look at these ads and look at all these 602 00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:11,800 Speaker 1: promotions and stuff, not all body types and being shown. 603 00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:17,120 Speaker 1: So do you feel like body positivity excludes disabled people? UM? 604 00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:20,720 Speaker 1: I would say, so, I feel like, you know, Um, 605 00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:25,440 Speaker 1: obviously people smarter than me, can um go into the 606 00:38:25,719 --> 00:38:29,400 Speaker 1: detail about how the body positivity movement was like hijacked 607 00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:35,000 Speaker 1: from um, black women and non white women, right, so 608 00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:40,720 Speaker 1: by yes, right, by being hijacked, you know, people try 609 00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:44,960 Speaker 1: to push this certain image of the ideal body like 610 00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:49,080 Speaker 1: it technically wasn't terrible, like as terrible as what a 611 00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:52,280 Speaker 1: lot of was witnessed with heroin chic right in the nineties. 612 00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:57,200 Speaker 1: That's bad. It was bad. It's terrible nineties until early 613 00:38:57,239 --> 00:38:59,759 Speaker 1: two thousands. I'm just like, I don't even know how 614 00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:01,960 Speaker 1: y'all got away with like saying, it's all of this stuff, 615 00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:06,440 Speaker 1: but it's terrible. So we get to body positivity, and 616 00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:09,000 Speaker 1: while you know, some of the bodies that are being 617 00:39:09,120 --> 00:39:13,640 Speaker 1: displayed or praised or whatever are larger, there's still even 618 00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:16,680 Speaker 1: exceptions to that. You know, you want you want the 619 00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:18,759 Speaker 1: coke bottle, you want to pair, you don't want to 620 00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:21,400 Speaker 1: be apple shipped. You know, they started focusing on different 621 00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:24,560 Speaker 1: shapes of what that fat should look like. Like if 622 00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:27,560 Speaker 1: you got the big gass and the big tips, we 623 00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:30,759 Speaker 1: may we may look away from you know, your big gut, right, 624 00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:33,680 Speaker 1: even though often those accompany each other. I don't know 625 00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:36,120 Speaker 1: who told people that kind of thing that's not a 626 00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:40,239 Speaker 1: package deal. Um. But yeah, it became this thing where 627 00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:45,440 Speaker 1: it's just like you know, certain acceptable larger bodies are okay, um, 628 00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:50,120 Speaker 1: and yes it did leave disabled people out, um because 629 00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:55,600 Speaker 1: there was not for me personally, I didn't see as 630 00:39:55,680 --> 00:40:01,880 Speaker 1: much as a focus um um on people like so um, 631 00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:05,880 Speaker 1: maybe occasionally they throw in the disabled person who's in 632 00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:09,640 Speaker 1: a wheelchair because people can't expand their minds outside of 633 00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:14,160 Speaker 1: like physical disability, right, Um, so you know occasionally they 634 00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:17,239 Speaker 1: would throw in like a token disabled person who was 635 00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:19,279 Speaker 1: in the wheelchair, but that would really be it. And 636 00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:25,000 Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, what about you know, amputees, you know, um, 637 00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:27,799 Speaker 1: what about other people who you know, maybe I need 638 00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:30,120 Speaker 1: like a walking aid or something? What about stuff like that? 639 00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:33,279 Speaker 1: So I don't know, it's just, um, I feel like 640 00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:37,280 Speaker 1: they're definitely there were omissions, um with certain body types 641 00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:40,960 Speaker 1: if you didn't feel like I said that acceptable larger 642 00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:47,919 Speaker 1: type right and even even your stuff was performative, Yes, yes, 643 00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:51,600 Speaker 1: I agree, I agree. Um, you know a lot of 644 00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:54,960 Speaker 1: it was just like kind of through um a lot 645 00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:58,560 Speaker 1: of like what do what do we usually call a 646 00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:04,359 Speaker 1: lot of like um, okay, just just a lot of 647 00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:07,960 Speaker 1: like like word phrase, like a lot a lot a 648 00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,279 Speaker 1: lot of like I'm gonna talk this thing up, but 649 00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:15,320 Speaker 1: not actually like apply it, like apply this this lesson 650 00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:19,759 Speaker 1: or apply um the values of what I'm speaking on. 651 00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:26,319 Speaker 1: So yeah, um, I don't know. And then and then 652 00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:28,919 Speaker 1: the other thing that was, like I feel like hurt 653 00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:32,920 Speaker 1: full was the whole positivity aspect of it, you know, 654 00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:36,000 Speaker 1: because I feel like when you are trying to stress 655 00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:39,440 Speaker 1: the positivity of something, you don't leave room to maybe 656 00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:44,760 Speaker 1: um discuss you know, how you maybe feel negatively about 657 00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:47,320 Speaker 1: your body or how you know you don't feel happy 658 00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:51,560 Speaker 1: about seven right um? And how you know sometimes your 659 00:41:51,560 --> 00:41:54,719 Speaker 1: feelings about your body you're gonna be up or down, 660 00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:58,080 Speaker 1: are gonna vary, you know, there's gonna be variations, right Um. 661 00:41:58,120 --> 00:42:03,040 Speaker 1: So I feel like it definitely did not allow enough 662 00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:10,920 Speaker 1: space to discuss um what like media representation um does 663 00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:14,520 Speaker 1: to how we feel about our bodies? Um, like really 664 00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:16,640 Speaker 1: feel about our bodies the good and then the bad 665 00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:20,520 Speaker 1: and ugly? Um. So yeah, I feel like you're Yeah, 666 00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:22,239 Speaker 1: I feel like you're definitely on the money about like 667 00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:26,799 Speaker 1: a mission of certain bodies, because don't nobody loved their body? Seven? Yeah, 668 00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:29,560 Speaker 1: Like it's not that's not honest. Yeah, you know, it's 669 00:42:29,719 --> 00:42:32,560 Speaker 1: all the way. But I'm like, um, but you know this, 670 00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:35,680 Speaker 1: I feel like that's part of the human experience. UM. 671 00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:38,200 Speaker 1: And I feel like we should be able to acknowledge that, 672 00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:43,120 Speaker 1: UM while also acknowledging that, you know, if you consistently 673 00:42:43,239 --> 00:42:46,520 Speaker 1: feel negatively about your body, then there's obviously something bigger 674 00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:49,919 Speaker 1: at work. Yeah, but I feel like we don't get 675 00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:55,440 Speaker 1: there when we we discussed body positivity. So now you 676 00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:59,399 Speaker 1: are really good at sports, especially soccer, but you had 677 00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:01,279 Speaker 1: to stop playing and due to your tour and a 678 00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:03,000 Speaker 1: c L. And when I was reading that part, I 679 00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:04,919 Speaker 1: was like, girl, why you just didn't listen to your 680 00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:09,359 Speaker 1: gut though, I was, you know, I just want to leave, 681 00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:11,720 Speaker 1: you know, dorm And like I said, I was hyper 682 00:43:11,719 --> 00:43:14,560 Speaker 1: focused on fitness and you know, and eventually been me 683 00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:18,239 Speaker 1: in the you know, it's a lesson, all right, you know. 684 00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:21,200 Speaker 1: So I felt like that was the start of when 685 00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:23,560 Speaker 1: everything started to shift for you, and this is when 686 00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:29,759 Speaker 1: life really started to life about that time, Yeah, I 687 00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:36,160 Speaker 1: just UM, in particular, I was really how do I say? 688 00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:44,520 Speaker 1: My parents had an interesting relationship with money and housing, 689 00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:48,919 Speaker 1: especially being immigrants, right, UM, and I was sheltered from 690 00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:53,080 Speaker 1: some of that because they were like UM initially like 691 00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:55,719 Speaker 1: firmly middle class, and then as like right before I 692 00:43:55,719 --> 00:43:59,000 Speaker 1: went to college, they like touched like upper class money, 693 00:43:59,239 --> 00:44:01,760 Speaker 1: not too much but just enough, right, So I feel 694 00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:06,360 Speaker 1: like I was kind of halfway sheltered about UM the 695 00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:10,319 Speaker 1: importance of housing and stable housing. So once I got 696 00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:14,520 Speaker 1: to UM Chicago and I was like dealing with trying 697 00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:20,400 Speaker 1: to maintain housing while also dealing with my injury, UM, 698 00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:23,160 Speaker 1: it was a very humbling experience. So then, like I 699 00:44:23,239 --> 00:44:26,839 Speaker 1: mentioned the book, I really UM had like a come 700 00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:31,000 Speaker 1: to Jesus moment about like able ism and disability and 701 00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:35,040 Speaker 1: how it plays into those things UM. And you know 702 00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:40,000 Speaker 1: how I was going to have to definitely um learn 703 00:44:40,239 --> 00:44:43,839 Speaker 1: more about those things to move forward in a way 704 00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:47,200 Speaker 1: that was like productive for me. UM. So yeah, I 705 00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:54,280 Speaker 1: definitely rocked the foundation of UM my beliefs, belief system 706 00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:58,120 Speaker 1: and any preconceived notion I had about like disability and 707 00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:00,680 Speaker 1: able is um UM and how you know, also how 708 00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:03,720 Speaker 1: it interacts with particularly fastphobia, because one of those things, 709 00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:06,799 Speaker 1: you know, once I was injured, I can't go to 710 00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:10,520 Speaker 1: the gym seven, I can't step back on you know, 711 00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:14,000 Speaker 1: the soccer field until I'm healed right, So naturally I 712 00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:16,840 Speaker 1: had to sit. I had the rest. I gave weight. 713 00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:18,920 Speaker 1: You know, that's what happens. So it's one of those 714 00:45:18,960 --> 00:45:23,720 Speaker 1: things where like, um, I really had to think hard 715 00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:28,600 Speaker 1: about like the kind of damage of my obsession with 716 00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:32,600 Speaker 1: my weight was doing to myself and my body, my 717 00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:35,319 Speaker 1: psych as my body was trying to heal. So I 718 00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:38,560 Speaker 1: really had to like I really had to tell myself 719 00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:41,759 Speaker 1: to like relax, like you know, physically your body is 720 00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:45,000 Speaker 1: not okay right now, so you can't be focused. I'm 721 00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:47,160 Speaker 1: like trying to lose weight, like doesn't make sense. I 722 00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:51,719 Speaker 1: didn't even stand up right now, like what. So you know, Um, 723 00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:56,800 Speaker 1: the injury definitely like forced me um to de prioritize 724 00:45:57,120 --> 00:46:03,240 Speaker 1: losing weight, um, which was in amportant part of also 725 00:46:03,480 --> 00:46:08,919 Speaker 1: like just informing my politics when it comes to like haaphobia. 726 00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:14,239 Speaker 1: So and listen, thank god for your friends, man. Yeah 727 00:46:14,400 --> 00:46:21,319 Speaker 1: your friends held you damn okay Yeah they did. Yeah. UM, 728 00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:24,279 Speaker 1: very thankful to them, um, because, like you know, I 729 00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:26,920 Speaker 1: mentioned earlier, I don't talk to my family. I didn't. 730 00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:29,799 Speaker 1: They just were not in the picture really after that, 731 00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:32,359 Speaker 1: so you know, I had to I had to rely 732 00:46:32,520 --> 00:46:36,719 Speaker 1: on my community. Um, and they stepped up in a 733 00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:41,160 Speaker 1: big way. So UM, that's why I also made sure 734 00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:43,080 Speaker 1: at the end of like, let me make sure I 735 00:46:43,080 --> 00:46:46,160 Speaker 1: acknowledge these people so they're no like, hey, like you 736 00:46:46,239 --> 00:46:49,440 Speaker 1: did that, you didn't do that. You part of this journet. 737 00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:52,120 Speaker 1: You know this, This book doesn't happen without you. So 738 00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:56,799 Speaker 1: and how I also felt like during this time you 739 00:46:56,840 --> 00:47:00,919 Speaker 1: were also exploring your sexuality and it I also feel 740 00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:05,560 Speaker 1: like you either write a romance book because the way 741 00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:09,960 Speaker 1: driving these moments with these people, I said, come on, girl, 742 00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:13,920 Speaker 1: that's what I'm talking about. I was toldly, oh my god, 743 00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:17,239 Speaker 1: this is good. It was getting steaming. So which one 744 00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:20,240 Speaker 1: of your lovers was was most difficult to write about? 745 00:47:20,239 --> 00:47:26,120 Speaker 1: And why? Um, that's a good question. You got me 746 00:47:26,239 --> 00:47:33,160 Speaker 1: girl home I'm singing because they're right. There were so 747 00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:38,200 Speaker 1: many good things about them, so many heartbreaking things about them. UM. 748 00:47:38,239 --> 00:47:42,040 Speaker 1: I feel like in terms of like, if we're talking 749 00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:46,640 Speaker 1: about sexuality and you know, how how do be it? 750 00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:49,080 Speaker 1: Do be? A said is especially you know when you're 751 00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:51,640 Speaker 1: a black person, Um, when you are you know, a 752 00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:57,680 Speaker 1: black woman. UM, I would definitely say it technically Bruce, Um, 753 00:47:57,760 --> 00:48:00,560 Speaker 1: you know he's also white. So there was the whole thing. 754 00:48:00,800 --> 00:48:04,279 Speaker 1: You know, it's like I don't really swirl like that. 755 00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:06,239 Speaker 1: I know people some people into that. I don't really 756 00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:08,759 Speaker 1: swel like that. So it was also very disoriented to 757 00:48:08,840 --> 00:48:12,120 Speaker 1: be like, oh, I'm very attracted to this person. I'm like, yikes, 758 00:48:12,960 --> 00:48:16,200 Speaker 1: what he was? He was fine, I'm sorry. So it 759 00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:18,120 Speaker 1: was kind of tough in that way because he had 760 00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:21,040 Speaker 1: his own like sad back story, UM, and I wanted 761 00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:23,640 Speaker 1: to honor that, but not you know, be too much 762 00:48:23,680 --> 00:48:25,960 Speaker 1: of his business, like just a little bit like I'll 763 00:48:25,960 --> 00:48:28,120 Speaker 1: tell you a little bit, but not too much, because 764 00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:30,319 Speaker 1: he had to be on his own journey right um. 765 00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:35,799 Speaker 1: And then with um emilia know, that was tough too 766 00:48:35,880 --> 00:48:38,439 Speaker 1: because one of those things were like if we had 767 00:48:38,480 --> 00:48:45,879 Speaker 1: more time, um, if we didn't have their own responsibilities. Yes, yes, yes, 768 00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:48,799 Speaker 1: I know people all the time are like, oh, you know, 769 00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:51,360 Speaker 1: like everything happy is at the right time, you know that, 770 00:48:51,440 --> 00:48:54,080 Speaker 1: And I'm like, no, less of my life personally is 771 00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:57,600 Speaker 1: that sometimes the time it will just be off that 772 00:48:58,160 --> 00:49:00,960 Speaker 1: and except the lesson at that point any time, and 773 00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:03,800 Speaker 1: then hope that maybe you know, we can circle back 774 00:49:04,239 --> 00:49:07,560 Speaker 1: and do it again or maybe do it differently. Right. Um. 775 00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:11,000 Speaker 1: So that was sad in the fact that, like, no 776 00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:13,759 Speaker 1: matter what we did, like you mentioned, the timing, just 777 00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:16,040 Speaker 1: it just was not time for that, Like it was 778 00:49:16,120 --> 00:49:19,719 Speaker 1: just not going to work. So um, having to let 779 00:49:19,719 --> 00:49:24,440 Speaker 1: go was just like like no, because that was good, 780 00:49:24,880 --> 00:49:29,400 Speaker 1: that story was yeah, yeah, yeah, I just it's just 781 00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:33,760 Speaker 1: the sadness in just knowing that, like if the timing 782 00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:38,839 Speaker 1: have lined up perfectly, then we'd be telling a different story. Right, 783 00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:41,920 Speaker 1: That's what made that hard because I was really reflecting 784 00:49:41,960 --> 00:49:44,760 Speaker 1: like damn, like this, I'm just really into this person 785 00:49:44,800 --> 00:49:47,480 Speaker 1: and we couldn't couldn't make it work. But you know, 786 00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:52,120 Speaker 1: so yeah, So though those two were definitely difficult for 787 00:49:52,200 --> 00:49:55,880 Speaker 1: like different reasons to discuss us, right, I'm just curious. 788 00:49:55,880 --> 00:49:58,919 Speaker 1: Did you ever hear back from the physical therapist. No. 789 00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,040 Speaker 1: I was so upset about that because like he really 790 00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:03,960 Speaker 1: had me, Like I was waiting on that phone, like 791 00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:06,040 Speaker 1: I said in the book, I really was just waiting, like, 792 00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:09,479 Speaker 1: so he's gonna call us, I'm just going to post 793 00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:11,800 Speaker 1: it the right at home, And then he didn't. I 794 00:50:11,840 --> 00:50:16,480 Speaker 1: was like damn, right he was, you know, like, what 795 00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:18,120 Speaker 1: was the what was the point, nigger? Like, if you're 796 00:50:18,160 --> 00:50:22,160 Speaker 1: not gonna call I don't know that's why. Um I 797 00:50:22,200 --> 00:50:24,399 Speaker 1: had that point and like tending the book where I'm 798 00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:26,920 Speaker 1: just like, so it's just like a routine does like well, 799 00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:29,560 Speaker 1: I just sucked him, Like does he like do this 800 00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:33,560 Speaker 1: to like inspire you, you know, to finish the physical therapy? 801 00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:35,719 Speaker 1: And then he like leaves like a right right right? 802 00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:39,480 Speaker 1: I decay, Like I don't know what he's like whole like, 803 00:50:39,560 --> 00:50:41,320 Speaker 1: I don't I don't know if that was an animal 804 00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:45,800 Speaker 1: or whatever, but definitely he definitely got me good and 805 00:50:46,239 --> 00:50:48,680 Speaker 1: I was fine beautiful. Well, I feel like everybody he 806 00:50:48,760 --> 00:50:50,799 Speaker 1: was dealing with was fine. The way he was describing them. 807 00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:56,520 Speaker 1: I'm like, ship, Yeah, it was just weird because like 808 00:50:56,600 --> 00:50:59,880 Speaker 1: you know, like you mentioned, the injury happened and you know, 809 00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:03,279 Speaker 1: life started really laughing. Well that was also when you know, 810 00:51:03,640 --> 00:51:06,000 Speaker 1: beautiful people started finding me. So I'm just like, this 811 00:51:06,040 --> 00:51:07,799 Speaker 1: is just a really odd point in my life right 812 00:51:07,840 --> 00:51:11,120 Speaker 1: now because I'm not at a hundred physically or mentally, 813 00:51:11,960 --> 00:51:13,920 Speaker 1: but the universe is like, I don't care, You're so 814 00:51:13,960 --> 00:51:16,839 Speaker 1: hop people. So I'm like, yeah, okay, so I gotta 815 00:51:16,840 --> 00:51:18,719 Speaker 1: figure out how to get it together real quick and 816 00:51:18,880 --> 00:51:21,840 Speaker 1: address this. But I'm like, damn, I thought it was 817 00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:24,200 Speaker 1: hard dayes niggas. But when you when you shared the 818 00:51:24,239 --> 00:51:26,600 Speaker 1: story about how he was dating that um lebonese woman 819 00:51:27,320 --> 00:51:29,640 Speaker 1: and she was treating you as a standing for a man, 820 00:51:29,719 --> 00:51:39,000 Speaker 1: I was like, what, yeah, yeah, like, um just dating 821 00:51:39,040 --> 00:51:42,120 Speaker 1: as a dark skinned woman. It's just very it doesn't 822 00:51:42,160 --> 00:51:44,880 Speaker 1: matter if it's you know, like a man a woman 823 00:51:45,120 --> 00:51:49,000 Speaker 1: on buying a person like it just it's really complex, um. 824 00:51:49,120 --> 00:51:52,000 Speaker 1: And you know, some of the stories that you're not 825 00:51:52,080 --> 00:51:55,000 Speaker 1: just mine are always heartbreaking because you're just like trying 826 00:51:55,040 --> 00:51:58,200 Speaker 1: to make it work and whatever bias this person has 827 00:51:58,280 --> 00:52:00,680 Speaker 1: is just getting in the way. So, like you mentioned, 828 00:52:00,719 --> 00:52:03,480 Speaker 1: like she really was just like I am, like I 829 00:52:03,520 --> 00:52:06,799 Speaker 1: am her man and that's how she viewed me and 830 00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:09,360 Speaker 1: there was no growing past that. And obviously that was 831 00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:11,200 Speaker 1: not a productive relationship for me, so I had to 832 00:52:11,719 --> 00:52:14,600 Speaker 1: you know, leave it. But you know, because like I mentioned, 833 00:52:14,640 --> 00:52:20,040 Speaker 1: I wasn't very familiar with um, I guess queer dating quotations, right, 834 00:52:20,239 --> 00:52:23,799 Speaker 1: but also like dating non men, I didn't. I just 835 00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:27,080 Speaker 1: I didn't know that that wasn't okay, that was also 836 00:52:27,920 --> 00:52:31,759 Speaker 1: yeah so right, So it was definitely she would learn 837 00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:33,719 Speaker 1: curve for me. But you know, I'm glad I did 838 00:52:33,800 --> 00:52:36,279 Speaker 1: learn so I could be like, oh, that's not acceptable. Um. 839 00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:39,200 Speaker 1: And that's also another way that colorism could come in, 840 00:52:39,440 --> 00:52:42,319 Speaker 1: you know. So right, well, that's why I don't feel 841 00:52:42,360 --> 00:52:44,960 Speaker 1: a way like I want. I would love for my 842 00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:47,719 Speaker 1: my sisters, my dark, scared sisters, to be with a 843 00:52:47,760 --> 00:52:51,840 Speaker 1: beautiful black man, But when I see them happy with another, 844 00:52:52,280 --> 00:52:54,200 Speaker 1: I'm like, girl, I'm not even mad because I know 845 00:52:54,239 --> 00:52:59,960 Speaker 1: how hard it is like to really be lovefully. Yeah, 846 00:53:00,040 --> 00:53:05,279 Speaker 1: it's difficult, you know. And you know, and then, um, 847 00:53:05,480 --> 00:53:09,000 Speaker 1: you know, because people, what's the house the saying go 848 00:53:09,120 --> 00:53:11,839 Speaker 1: all the men are black and all the women are white. Um, 849 00:53:11,880 --> 00:53:14,760 Speaker 1: I don't remember who said it. Don't attack me, I forgot, 850 00:53:15,040 --> 00:53:17,879 Speaker 1: but um, just think about that and how we are 851 00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:23,680 Speaker 1: constantly erased too, um and greater society, right, and how 852 00:53:23,760 --> 00:53:27,960 Speaker 1: that bleeds into dating is very, um, very complex, very 853 00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:30,680 Speaker 1: complex because sometimes you just want to date and not 854 00:53:30,760 --> 00:53:34,160 Speaker 1: be bothered with those things. But you know, because again, 855 00:53:34,200 --> 00:53:36,799 Speaker 1: because the people's biases and how that can bleed into 856 00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:40,839 Speaker 1: the relationship, you have to address it. So it's exhausting 857 00:53:40,840 --> 00:53:43,560 Speaker 1: in that way too. UM, Like I don't always want 858 00:53:43,600 --> 00:53:47,000 Speaker 1: to bust out and talk about the dangerous of colorism, 859 00:53:47,200 --> 00:53:49,480 Speaker 1: and you know, faphobia or whatever, Like I don't want 860 00:53:49,480 --> 00:53:52,480 Speaker 1: to constantly feel like you know I'm talking about like 861 00:53:52,600 --> 00:53:55,440 Speaker 1: I don't know, like a social experiencement or whatever, Like 862 00:53:55,560 --> 00:53:57,759 Speaker 1: I don't want to constantly be in that space. But 863 00:53:57,880 --> 00:54:01,799 Speaker 1: you know, um, often, you know, these things play out 864 00:54:01,800 --> 00:54:05,120 Speaker 1: in these interpersonal relationships and you know it's detrimental if 865 00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:09,319 Speaker 1: you decided to ignore them. So right, and also on 866 00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:13,319 Speaker 1: this subject, have you seen any pretty dicks lately? Because 867 00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:15,760 Speaker 1: he was acting like you've never seen a pretty dick before? Child, 868 00:54:18,360 --> 00:54:20,640 Speaker 1: you know that Christian will bring in like it'll funk 869 00:54:20,680 --> 00:54:22,640 Speaker 1: you up, you know. So I had to do a 870 00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:25,920 Speaker 1: lot of light and learning, um and not being like 871 00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:29,360 Speaker 1: scared of certain body parts, you know, independencies and stuff. 872 00:54:29,680 --> 00:54:34,400 Speaker 1: So as of late, not really. I think right before, 873 00:54:34,880 --> 00:54:37,479 Speaker 1: right before like the pandemic sued, I did see one 874 00:54:38,040 --> 00:54:41,319 Speaker 1: that was nice, Um, I'm not gonna lie to you. 875 00:54:41,840 --> 00:54:44,360 Speaker 1: Definitely a little aggressive looking because it was it was 876 00:54:44,560 --> 00:54:50,760 Speaker 1: larger than I was, but I was like, um what um, 877 00:54:50,800 --> 00:54:53,560 Speaker 1: but you know it was it was nice and pretty um. 878 00:54:53,600 --> 00:54:56,600 Speaker 1: But since then not really the focus has been mostly 879 00:54:56,640 --> 00:55:01,120 Speaker 1: on the book because you know, um, once I'm locked 880 00:55:01,160 --> 00:55:03,279 Speaker 1: in on Jason's bag, I'm not gonna lie to you. 881 00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:05,440 Speaker 1: I'm just like very much laser focused and I'm like, 882 00:55:05,480 --> 00:55:08,920 Speaker 1: I'll get around to daily later one several bags, are 883 00:55:09,200 --> 00:55:13,279 Speaker 1: you know quiet? Yeah? No, that's where I'm at. I've 884 00:55:13,320 --> 00:55:18,239 Speaker 1: been celibrant. It'll be three years this year. Really, Yes, 885 00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:21,760 Speaker 1: I'm feeding to see a pretty big child. Yeah, yeah, 886 00:55:21,800 --> 00:55:24,800 Speaker 1: I am. I think to two and a half and 887 00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:28,640 Speaker 1: then yeah. But I'm pretty sure you can agree with this. 888 00:55:28,760 --> 00:55:32,080 Speaker 1: I feel like because I've been celebrant, I feel like 889 00:55:32,560 --> 00:55:36,080 Speaker 1: the universe or just God just been rewarding me with 890 00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:38,520 Speaker 1: so many things that I've been praying on. I feel 891 00:55:38,520 --> 00:55:40,600 Speaker 1: like everything's just been like coming from left and right 892 00:55:40,600 --> 00:55:46,280 Speaker 1: and I'm like, thank you. Yeah, I agree with you. Um, 893 00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:49,480 Speaker 1: I mean depending on what people believe. And I guess 894 00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:53,319 Speaker 1: there's spirtuality for me, um in this like this part 895 00:55:53,360 --> 00:55:59,840 Speaker 1: of my life. UM, I've just noticed that like direct 896 00:56:00,160 --> 00:56:04,320 Speaker 1: personally for me, directing what would would usually be sexual 897 00:56:04,680 --> 00:56:08,719 Speaker 1: energy right towards like some things like my book or 898 00:56:08,800 --> 00:56:13,760 Speaker 1: things like the essays that right, or even um planning 899 00:56:14,160 --> 00:56:16,719 Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know my latest social strategy 900 00:56:16,800 --> 00:56:19,279 Speaker 1: or whatever right in terms of social media. UM, I 901 00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:22,920 Speaker 1: just found that like redirection, that energies are helpful in 902 00:56:23,040 --> 00:56:26,279 Speaker 1: terms of kind of um keeping me going and like 903 00:56:26,480 --> 00:56:30,640 Speaker 1: vitality too. UM. You know because like personally for me, 904 00:56:30,719 --> 00:56:34,520 Speaker 1: dealing with other people's very sousting depending on the capacity 905 00:56:34,560 --> 00:56:37,160 Speaker 1: that I'm dealing with them. So when you know, I 906 00:56:37,200 --> 00:56:40,560 Speaker 1: have extended period time where I'm not dealing with anybody 907 00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:43,400 Speaker 1: you know, physically or sexually, I just find that sometimes 908 00:56:43,440 --> 00:56:45,480 Speaker 1: I just have a little bit more ex strategy. Um. 909 00:56:45,520 --> 00:56:48,880 Speaker 1: But that's just me. So UM. I found that like 910 00:56:48,880 --> 00:56:52,800 Speaker 1: like you just said, um me redirecting that energy definitely, 911 00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:55,960 Speaker 1: UM made it so that I was able to kind 912 00:56:55,960 --> 00:57:00,279 Speaker 1: of attract more opportunities um that I had been you know, 913 00:57:00,360 --> 00:57:03,600 Speaker 1: chasing for a little bit. Right. And you also spoke 914 00:57:03,600 --> 00:57:07,439 Speaker 1: about how Christianity has stolen a lot of time from 915 00:57:07,440 --> 00:57:09,240 Speaker 1: you in what ways and you feel like you're religion 916 00:57:09,280 --> 00:57:14,359 Speaker 1: affected you, Um, definitely body wise. You know. Obviously my 917 00:57:14,400 --> 00:57:17,120 Speaker 1: parents gave me that complex to begin with, like you 918 00:57:17,120 --> 00:57:21,160 Speaker 1: know that lives with them. Um. But going into like 919 00:57:21,360 --> 00:57:26,640 Speaker 1: you know, church space, Um, those politics then gets like 920 00:57:26,760 --> 00:57:29,560 Speaker 1: wrapped up and you know what it means to be 921 00:57:29,640 --> 00:57:32,480 Speaker 1: like a good person too, So it's one of those 922 00:57:32,520 --> 00:57:37,520 Speaker 1: things like now we're going from um, you know, being 923 00:57:37,880 --> 00:57:41,560 Speaker 1: demonized just be a physical appearance to being now like 924 00:57:41,640 --> 00:57:45,400 Speaker 1: that turning into like a question about like your morality too, 925 00:57:45,760 --> 00:57:48,000 Speaker 1: so that can funk with you like, oh, because I'm 926 00:57:48,040 --> 00:57:51,120 Speaker 1: fat and I looked this way and close, I'm like 927 00:57:51,200 --> 00:57:53,080 Speaker 1: going to hill, you know, like stuff like that. Like 928 00:57:53,200 --> 00:57:56,560 Speaker 1: it just it becomes this thing where you spiral quickly 929 00:57:57,600 --> 00:58:00,720 Speaker 1: because of what is you know, being talked to you 930 00:58:00,800 --> 00:58:04,920 Speaker 1: in terms of like how your physical appearance plays into um, 931 00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:07,840 Speaker 1: whether you go to heaven or hell or not. Um. 932 00:58:07,880 --> 00:58:11,120 Speaker 1: And then also thinking about um fat full be in particular, 933 00:58:11,280 --> 00:58:15,280 Speaker 1: and like associations with like the sin of gluttony or 934 00:58:15,320 --> 00:58:19,200 Speaker 1: sloth right. Um, yeah, it just it just does something 935 00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:22,920 Speaker 1: to you mentally. Um. It's not a good space to 936 00:58:23,120 --> 00:58:27,240 Speaker 1: you know, foster any positive feelings about your body, especially 937 00:58:27,280 --> 00:58:30,000 Speaker 1: if you are a black woman, especially if you are 938 00:58:30,040 --> 00:58:34,040 Speaker 1: a fat black woman. Right um. You know, um, those 939 00:58:34,080 --> 00:58:38,480 Speaker 1: purity culture politics that that especially again you know early 940 00:58:38,520 --> 00:58:43,120 Speaker 1: two thousand's um, because it created a very um advocacy 941 00:58:43,160 --> 00:58:46,920 Speaker 1: your relationship not just with people's bodies, um, but also 942 00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:49,800 Speaker 1: how they viewed sex. So now you can't even have 943 00:58:50,400 --> 00:58:53,120 Speaker 1: you know, healthy view on sex or have sex that 944 00:58:53,200 --> 00:58:57,200 Speaker 1: you enjoy because once again you're stuck here about how 945 00:58:57,240 --> 00:59:02,680 Speaker 1: sinful your body is, you know, so yeah, you know, definitely, definitely, 946 00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:05,320 Speaker 1: definitely affected me greatly, which is why I like in 947 00:59:05,480 --> 00:59:07,480 Speaker 1: the latter half of the book, I spent a lot 948 00:59:07,520 --> 00:59:11,800 Speaker 1: of time trying to, um, you know, create a safe 949 00:59:11,880 --> 00:59:15,520 Speaker 1: sexual experience that will hopefully help me deal with some 950 00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:18,040 Speaker 1: of the programming that I dealt with it as a 951 00:59:18,200 --> 00:59:22,120 Speaker 1: young Right. I feel like, um, I feel like religion 952 00:59:22,160 --> 00:59:26,560 Speaker 1: in the number I'm Black women man. Yes, yes, it 953 00:59:26,680 --> 00:59:31,720 Speaker 1: still is, but yes, yeah, for sure, that's a fact. Um. 954 00:59:31,800 --> 00:59:33,920 Speaker 1: One of my favorite parts of the book was the end, 955 00:59:33,960 --> 00:59:37,880 Speaker 1: and you dedicated a certain sections to Bill Hooks, And 956 00:59:37,880 --> 00:59:41,080 Speaker 1: in that chapter you said, for twenty seven years, I've 957 00:59:41,080 --> 00:59:43,800 Speaker 1: been on a journey home, and you were speaking about 958 00:59:43,800 --> 00:59:46,360 Speaker 1: the journey home to yourself, and y'all, I really felt 959 00:59:46,400 --> 00:59:49,439 Speaker 1: that ship because I feel like, now, at this big 960 00:59:49,480 --> 00:59:51,640 Speaker 1: age that I met, I feel like I'm finally at 961 00:59:51,680 --> 00:59:58,200 Speaker 1: home with myself. Yes, tell us about that. Um yeah. 962 00:59:58,360 --> 01:00:02,360 Speaker 1: I when I wrote that that ending, um, I just 963 01:00:02,480 --> 01:00:08,640 Speaker 1: really wanted to discuss how being disconnected for from my 964 01:00:08,680 --> 01:00:12,840 Speaker 1: body so long really made my life hard. Um Like, 965 01:00:12,920 --> 01:00:15,440 Speaker 1: obviously there are certain things in society that I can't 966 01:00:15,440 --> 01:00:19,480 Speaker 1: control that will make my life difficult unfortunately, but having 967 01:00:19,640 --> 01:00:24,000 Speaker 1: like like having hatred of my body to be part 968 01:00:24,000 --> 01:00:27,600 Speaker 1: of that was really just hindering my progress. And I 969 01:00:27,640 --> 01:00:29,919 Speaker 1: really had to come to terms with that, like how 970 01:00:29,960 --> 01:00:32,200 Speaker 1: I was being my own worst enemy, like on top 971 01:00:32,240 --> 01:00:34,880 Speaker 1: of what I was already dealing with. So yeah, I 972 01:00:34,960 --> 01:00:37,400 Speaker 1: was just like, yeah, I know it took me. We 973 01:00:37,520 --> 01:00:40,720 Speaker 1: was three decades, but you know, I finally learned that, 974 01:00:40,880 --> 01:00:44,040 Speaker 1: you know, my body is not the enemy. I'm not 975 01:00:44,120 --> 01:00:47,640 Speaker 1: the enemy, um, And that you know, despite my life 976 01:00:47,720 --> 01:00:52,360 Speaker 1: being difficult because these outside factors, um, I can choose 977 01:00:52,680 --> 01:00:55,400 Speaker 1: to not make my body into yet another thing that 978 01:00:55,440 --> 01:00:59,200 Speaker 1: I have to overcome. Right, So yeah, it's important for 979 01:00:59,240 --> 01:01:02,280 Speaker 1: me to talk about that in a way. That was 980 01:01:02,320 --> 01:01:05,560 Speaker 1: like a full circle moment too, because like it's again, know, 981 01:01:05,720 --> 01:01:09,000 Speaker 1: something I dealt with as a small child, and getting 982 01:01:09,040 --> 01:01:11,320 Speaker 1: to the point in my adulthood where you know that 983 01:01:11,560 --> 01:01:15,080 Speaker 1: isn't as much of a problem was like very significant. 984 01:01:15,280 --> 01:01:18,080 Speaker 1: So I definitely wanted to like talk about that, especially 985 01:01:18,200 --> 01:01:21,640 Speaker 1: like other people relate to right and last, but not 986 01:01:21,720 --> 01:01:23,800 Speaker 1: at least, what is your advice? But those who are 987 01:01:23,800 --> 01:01:28,240 Speaker 1: treated definitely due to how they look, Um, what my 988 01:01:28,280 --> 01:01:32,600 Speaker 1: advice would be is that, um, they should remember that 989 01:01:32,640 --> 01:01:36,360 Speaker 1: a lot of stuff that is said about their appearance 990 01:01:37,080 --> 01:01:39,760 Speaker 1: UM is going to be either biased or is going 991 01:01:39,800 --> 01:01:44,280 Speaker 1: going to be a projection. UM. In these last couple 992 01:01:44,280 --> 01:01:47,040 Speaker 1: of years of my life, especially like doing work like 993 01:01:47,120 --> 01:01:50,920 Speaker 1: writing publicly I should say UM and kind of observing 994 01:01:51,000 --> 01:01:54,840 Speaker 1: different reactions to my work what I say, well it's 995 01:01:54,880 --> 01:01:58,240 Speaker 1: good or bad, UM, have really taught me that, you know, 996 01:01:58,360 --> 01:02:01,280 Speaker 1: at least fifty of what it said to you. You know, 997 01:02:02,200 --> 01:02:04,560 Speaker 1: people can debate that percentage, right, but at least fift 998 01:02:05,000 --> 01:02:08,240 Speaker 1: of what it's said to you UM is a projection. 999 01:02:08,520 --> 01:02:12,400 Speaker 1: You know, people feel certain ways about theirselves UM, and 1000 01:02:13,040 --> 01:02:16,720 Speaker 1: if they find that you feel maybe slightly more positive 1001 01:02:16,720 --> 01:02:20,240 Speaker 1: about yourself than they do about theirselves, then they're like, Okay, 1002 01:02:20,280 --> 01:02:22,000 Speaker 1: I need to bring this person out to my level 1003 01:02:22,120 --> 01:02:24,520 Speaker 1: or you know, you know they think they're all that 1004 01:02:24,560 --> 01:02:26,560 Speaker 1: in the back of ships, so they're not. I'm gonna 1005 01:02:26,560 --> 01:02:28,320 Speaker 1: tell them they're not. So you know they can feel 1006 01:02:28,320 --> 01:02:32,960 Speaker 1: the same way UM. So you know, just thinking about 1007 01:02:33,120 --> 01:02:36,400 Speaker 1: that has really helped me not take things as personally 1008 01:02:36,840 --> 01:02:40,000 Speaker 1: or not internalized and just kind of look at them like, hey, 1009 01:02:40,120 --> 01:02:43,720 Speaker 1: like I am sorry that you feel that way, but 1010 01:02:43,840 --> 01:02:45,960 Speaker 1: I don't feel that way. So I'm not gonna let 1011 01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:48,440 Speaker 1: you make me feel that way. Um. So kind of 1012 01:02:48,520 --> 01:02:50,960 Speaker 1: that would be my advice for them, just like like 1013 01:02:51,120 --> 01:02:56,640 Speaker 1: really listen two what is being said and here what 1014 01:02:56,880 --> 01:02:59,680 Speaker 1: is not being said, which is like you feel that 1015 01:02:59,720 --> 01:03:02,200 Speaker 1: way about me, but I don't have to feel that 1016 01:03:02,200 --> 01:03:04,840 Speaker 1: way about me. Um. So yeah. I feel like when 1017 01:03:04,840 --> 01:03:08,640 Speaker 1: people like really think about that, then they'll be like, Okay, 1018 01:03:08,760 --> 01:03:13,240 Speaker 1: so I am not as much of the problem as 1019 01:03:13,320 --> 01:03:15,120 Speaker 1: this person is trying to make me feel like you know, 1020 01:03:15,200 --> 01:03:18,680 Speaker 1: clearly there's something going on with them. Um and then 1021 01:03:18,800 --> 01:03:21,960 Speaker 1: only and it doesn't have to then become my issue. Um. 1022 01:03:22,000 --> 01:03:26,240 Speaker 1: So yeah, that's what I would say. Um yeah. And 1023 01:03:26,280 --> 01:03:30,640 Speaker 1: when we think are you proud of yourself? I am? 1024 01:03:30,680 --> 01:03:33,280 Speaker 1: I am. Um. I've changed a lot in like the 1025 01:03:33,360 --> 01:03:37,800 Speaker 1: last three to four years, especially when it comes to, 1026 01:03:38,360 --> 01:03:42,360 Speaker 1: for example, my temper um. You know, getting that like 1027 01:03:42,520 --> 01:03:46,440 Speaker 1: bipolar diagnosis later in life. What's a slight bummer in 1028 01:03:46,440 --> 01:03:48,760 Speaker 1: the fact that, like there was so much time lost 1029 01:03:48,920 --> 01:03:50,680 Speaker 1: not having known that that was the thing that was 1030 01:03:50,720 --> 01:03:53,200 Speaker 1: going on in the background. Um. But once I got 1031 01:03:53,280 --> 01:03:55,760 Speaker 1: treated for I got meds for it. Um, then my 1032 01:03:55,800 --> 01:04:01,360 Speaker 1: whole outlook changed, and then my relationship to my emotions 1033 01:04:01,360 --> 01:04:06,960 Speaker 1: in particular also changed. So UM, I feel very great 1034 01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:09,880 Speaker 1: about where I am now mentally with that because you know, 1035 01:04:10,000 --> 01:04:13,040 Speaker 1: now it's not one of those things where like, um, 1036 01:04:13,080 --> 01:04:14,360 Speaker 1: I don't want, I don't want to say I was 1037 01:04:14,360 --> 01:04:16,120 Speaker 1: a loose cannon, but it's one of those things that 1038 01:04:16,200 --> 01:04:20,800 Speaker 1: because of like the terrible things that were happening to me, obviously, UM, 1039 01:04:20,840 --> 01:04:23,800 Speaker 1: you know, I just did not possess as much emotional 1040 01:04:23,840 --> 01:04:28,800 Speaker 1: regulation as I probably should have. So um, getting treatment 1041 01:04:28,880 --> 01:04:32,040 Speaker 1: for that was really like clutch. So now I just 1042 01:04:32,040 --> 01:04:34,320 Speaker 1: feel like I have a healthier not just a healthier 1043 01:04:34,560 --> 01:04:37,680 Speaker 1: um relationship with my body, but also my mind and 1044 01:04:37,800 --> 01:04:40,480 Speaker 1: my micial state and things like that. So I do 1045 01:04:40,520 --> 01:04:42,840 Speaker 1: you know, I am proud of that. You know, there 1046 01:04:42,880 --> 01:04:45,400 Speaker 1: have been things that have happened to me recently, like 1047 01:04:45,520 --> 01:04:50,360 Speaker 1: maybe major major occurrences, are even minor nuisances that like 1048 01:04:50,520 --> 01:04:53,320 Speaker 1: in the past, I would have really reacted to badly, 1049 01:04:53,400 --> 01:04:56,400 Speaker 1: like I would have had a whole like meltdown about. 1050 01:04:57,000 --> 01:05:02,080 Speaker 1: But UM, these days I'm like, Okay, I could act 1051 01:05:02,160 --> 01:05:06,160 Speaker 1: and ask with this person, or I can take a 1052 01:05:06,200 --> 01:05:09,080 Speaker 1: deep breath to take a walk, or like I said, 1053 01:05:09,280 --> 01:05:12,040 Speaker 1: I can realize that this is not really about me. 1054 01:05:12,800 --> 01:05:17,920 Speaker 1: And can choose to like not participate. So um, I 1055 01:05:17,960 --> 01:05:21,000 Speaker 1: feel you know, I do feel very proud of myself. Um, 1056 01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:26,800 Speaker 1: it's been a very long and wild I know what 1057 01:05:26,800 --> 01:05:28,520 Speaker 1: should be happening to me. I'm like, all right now, 1058 01:05:28,520 --> 01:05:30,120 Speaker 1: come on, God, we've been doing here, come on, come on, 1059 01:05:30,200 --> 01:05:35,000 Speaker 1: cousin right, like, because you set me to stay calm, 1060 01:05:35,440 --> 01:05:39,960 Speaker 1: and I don't want to stay you know, sometimes I 1061 01:05:40,000 --> 01:05:43,959 Speaker 1: want to ask too. But yeah, yeah, part of growing 1062 01:05:44,280 --> 01:05:46,760 Speaker 1: is understanding that, like, you know, there's a there's a 1063 01:05:46,760 --> 01:05:50,200 Speaker 1: time place for everything. That's example, I don't care what 1064 01:05:50,240 --> 01:05:54,080 Speaker 1: people say. I think I personally supported it the will 1065 01:05:54,160 --> 01:05:58,480 Speaker 1: slap because sometimes you show people that like you need 1066 01:05:58,520 --> 01:06:03,280 Speaker 1: to like you need to really mind your business. You know, 1067 01:06:05,040 --> 01:06:07,400 Speaker 1: it was it was so long. I was like that 1068 01:06:07,560 --> 01:06:11,400 Speaker 1: really happened? Like why? But you know, sometimes you know, 1069 01:06:11,480 --> 01:06:16,479 Speaker 1: people good enough of being um talked about or being 1070 01:06:16,520 --> 01:06:19,680 Speaker 1: talked down to or being disparaged um, and you know, 1071 01:06:19,720 --> 01:06:22,960 Speaker 1: sometimes you don't want to take the higher road. UM. 1072 01:06:23,040 --> 01:06:27,280 Speaker 1: So I definitely I definitely understood that. Um. But but yeah, 1073 01:06:27,320 --> 01:06:29,080 Speaker 1: you know, there's a ton of place for everything, and 1074 01:06:29,160 --> 01:06:32,760 Speaker 1: learning that for me was very important when it comes 1075 01:06:32,800 --> 01:06:35,120 Speaker 1: to like my mental health. So I'm very proud of that, 1076 01:06:35,560 --> 01:06:38,880 Speaker 1: very proud of that. Like I'm sure that mine, you know, 1077 01:06:39,480 --> 01:06:42,320 Speaker 1: more mentally ill version of myself is definitely proud of 1078 01:06:42,320 --> 01:06:45,720 Speaker 1: where I ended at, right, right, So I'm super proud 1079 01:06:45,760 --> 01:06:48,360 Speaker 1: of you. I thought your book was just amazing. I 1080 01:06:48,400 --> 01:06:50,720 Speaker 1: ain't gonna definitely do my part so we can get 1081 01:06:50,760 --> 01:06:54,760 Speaker 1: this book on the New York Times bestseller list and 1082 01:06:54,840 --> 01:07:00,959 Speaker 1: definitely gonna reach out to you. Hopefully you'll be celebrating drinking. Yes, 1083 01:07:01,320 --> 01:07:04,000 Speaker 1: I am definitely waiting for launch day because I will 1084 01:07:04,040 --> 01:07:06,920 Speaker 1: be um for people listening. I'll be at the Reparations 1085 01:07:06,920 --> 01:07:10,919 Speaker 1: Club in Los Angeles for the launch um. And I'm yeah, 1086 01:07:10,960 --> 01:07:14,400 Speaker 1: I'm really excited because like it's really all coming down 1087 01:07:14,400 --> 01:07:19,160 Speaker 1: to that day. Um. And it's gonna be very exciting 1088 01:07:19,240 --> 01:07:22,560 Speaker 1: to have like a wide release because I'm already like 1089 01:07:22,800 --> 01:07:25,640 Speaker 1: enjoying like kind of the slow trickle in of like 1090 01:07:25,760 --> 01:07:29,760 Speaker 1: people charming in about their advanced reader copies. So it's 1091 01:07:29,760 --> 01:07:32,120 Speaker 1: gonna be very interesting for people to like see like 1092 01:07:32,160 --> 01:07:35,480 Speaker 1: the final final product, you know, after all of the 1093 01:07:35,560 --> 01:07:38,440 Speaker 1: you know, the edits and the proofs and the correction 1094 01:07:38,560 --> 01:07:42,200 Speaker 1: ends that you know, so they're very excited. And when 1095 01:07:42,200 --> 01:07:44,280 Speaker 1: you come to New York let me know so we 1096 01:07:44,320 --> 01:07:47,880 Speaker 1: can celebrate. Yes, I will keep you posted because I 1097 01:07:47,880 --> 01:07:51,400 Speaker 1: will definitely be up there. Um. I actually was speaking 1098 01:07:51,440 --> 01:07:53,800 Speaker 1: to my sister and I'm like, my goal for this 1099 01:07:53,920 --> 01:07:56,760 Speaker 1: book is to hit every state and she was like 1100 01:07:56,880 --> 01:07:59,880 Speaker 1: every state and I'm like, every state. It's gonna take 1101 01:08:00,040 --> 01:08:03,920 Speaker 1: me a second, but you know there, um, thank you. 1102 01:08:04,000 --> 01:08:06,760 Speaker 1: There's so many areas that are usually knowred, like you 1103 01:08:06,800 --> 01:08:10,000 Speaker 1: know the South right, um, the bid West. You know, 1104 01:08:10,080 --> 01:08:13,439 Speaker 1: people call those places flyover states like people don't live there, 1105 01:08:13,440 --> 01:08:16,320 Speaker 1: and I'm like that's rude, you know, So I want 1106 01:08:16,360 --> 01:08:19,160 Speaker 1: to do my part to look like, um see you 1107 01:08:19,200 --> 01:08:22,600 Speaker 1: know people all over who maybe you know, may touch me, 1108 01:08:22,720 --> 01:08:25,559 Speaker 1: maybe touched by the book. So um, then after that, 1109 01:08:25,560 --> 01:08:28,400 Speaker 1: I will will discuss maybe an international tour, but that's 1110 01:08:28,400 --> 01:08:32,240 Speaker 1: a little far off. Need I need some capital over 1111 01:08:32,280 --> 01:08:35,920 Speaker 1: that one. Let's say you never know that. I think 1112 01:08:35,960 --> 01:08:39,000 Speaker 1: that you're gonna definitely be successful with this book tour, 1113 01:08:39,040 --> 01:08:40,680 Speaker 1: and you never know how big it's gonna be. You 1114 01:08:40,760 --> 01:08:42,559 Speaker 1: might be in London, child, you might go back home 1115 01:08:42,600 --> 01:08:46,960 Speaker 1: to Nigeria, right, you know, I'm I'm I'm definitely welcoming it, 1116 01:08:47,160 --> 01:08:50,280 Speaker 1: you know, I wherever you know, wherever people read the book. 1117 01:08:50,360 --> 01:08:51,840 Speaker 1: I'm trying to be there, you know, so we can 1118 01:08:51,880 --> 01:08:56,439 Speaker 1: discuss well to the audience. If you have any questions 1119 01:08:56,439 --> 01:08:58,439 Speaker 1: coming to a concerns, please make sure to email me 1120 01:08:58,439 --> 01:09:01,639 Speaker 1: a hello at the PFG podcast dot com. To my guest, 1121 01:09:01,680 --> 01:09:05,519 Speaker 1: thank you so much. I really appreciate our conversation. And 1122 01:09:05,640 --> 01:09:11,000 Speaker 1: until next time. Everyone later you're not gonna say bye. 1123 01:09:11,960 --> 01:09:14,320 Speaker 1: Oh I was bad to come in, but yeah, no, 1124 01:09:14,400 --> 01:09:17,640 Speaker 1: thank you for having me on. Um. It was wonderful 1125 01:09:17,680 --> 01:09:20,799 Speaker 1: speaking with you, you guys very you know, thoughtful questions 1126 01:09:20,800 --> 01:09:23,879 Speaker 1: and I always love that, you know, because people sometimes 1127 01:09:23,880 --> 01:09:26,040 Speaker 1: we'll get stuck on like the romance parts and you 1128 01:09:26,080 --> 01:09:28,320 Speaker 1: know those are fun, but you know there's there's so 1129 01:09:28,439 --> 01:09:31,559 Speaker 1: much more um to those experiences. So I really really 1130 01:09:31,640 --> 01:09:34,200 Speaker 1: enjoyed your questions. UM, and thank you for inviting me 1131 01:09:34,240 --> 01:09:38,800 Speaker 1: on there. M thankful to your audience. Will be listening UM. 1132 01:09:38,840 --> 01:09:43,000 Speaker 1: And yeah, I'm just really excited to welcome you know, 1133 01:09:43,360 --> 01:09:46,800 Speaker 1: y'all into my life. Right So, no, thank you, was 1134 01:09:46,880 --> 01:09:50,639 Speaker 1: the question is given? Kaisha wasn't given open. I feel 1135 01:09:50,680 --> 01:09:53,080 Speaker 1: like a good healthy mix because I feel like, you know, 1136 01:09:53,200 --> 01:09:55,360 Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know. I haven't seen Caresia's 1137 01:09:55,360 --> 01:09:57,240 Speaker 1: birth shard because I mean, I'd be very curious about 1138 01:09:57,240 --> 01:10:00,320 Speaker 1: stuff like that. But I think that um, first, she 1139 01:10:00,400 --> 01:10:05,400 Speaker 1: does um a good job um with kind of getting 1140 01:10:05,520 --> 01:10:09,680 Speaker 1: certain details out of people, yeah, that they might not 1141 01:10:09,800 --> 01:10:13,840 Speaker 1: discuss otherwise. I take in away that is actually pretty savvy, 1142 01:10:13,920 --> 01:10:16,920 Speaker 1: you know people, people, people gloss over it because of 1143 01:10:16,920 --> 01:10:19,479 Speaker 1: how she speaks, like her cadence. I'm like, I feel like, 1144 01:10:20,080 --> 01:10:24,920 Speaker 1: so there's something very like relatable yes and also precise 1145 01:10:25,280 --> 01:10:29,400 Speaker 1: about how she yes, she asked these questions, you know. So, 1146 01:10:30,080 --> 01:10:33,080 Speaker 1: but I am excited to see more women like her 1147 01:10:33,760 --> 01:10:38,719 Speaker 1: that's not like that doesn't speak the correct way because 1148 01:10:38,720 --> 01:10:42,200 Speaker 1: they're a lot like Kaisha. Right, we're doing the air quotations. 1149 01:10:42,560 --> 01:10:45,839 Speaker 1: That's like Kaisha opposed to somebody that's like on NBC 1150 01:10:45,880 --> 01:10:48,400 Speaker 1: News or some ship. So I think that we need 1151 01:10:48,439 --> 01:10:50,680 Speaker 1: to take up all spaces we can and be our 1152 01:10:50,720 --> 01:10:53,160 Speaker 1: full selves in every space that we do decide to 1153 01:10:53,200 --> 01:10:57,200 Speaker 1: be in. Yeah, I agree. So, but oh that no, 1154 01:10:57,320 --> 01:11:00,240 Speaker 1: y'all for all this time, Bye bye eight