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Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, welcome back to I have some thoughts our

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Speaker 1: weekly therapy for Blood Girls mini cel series, or we

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Speaker 1: are talking about all things pop culture, but of course

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Speaker 1: from a mental health lens. And this week I am

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Speaker 1: joined by Elise, our director of podcasting in Digital Content.

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Speaker 2: Hey Elise, Hey doctor Joy. I am so happy to

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Speaker 2: be back. While I was out, of course, I was

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Speaker 2: enjoying my break, enjoying vacation. But you know, in the

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Speaker 2: back of your mind, you're like, the team is talking

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Speaker 2: about something I want to talk to me too.

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Speaker 1: So what do we have on our list today? There's

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Speaker 1: been so much happening.

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Speaker 2: There has been a lot happening, So we're gonna start

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Speaker 2: strong with the twenty twenty six BEET Awards, which aired

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Speaker 2: this past weekend and honored the fabulous Lauren Hill with

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Speaker 2: the Living Legend Icon Award, which recognized her lasting impact

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Speaker 2: on music and culture. Despite releasing just one solo studio album,

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Speaker 2: The Miseducation of Warnie Hill, nearly three decades ago, she

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Speaker 2: has remained one of the most influential artists of her generation,

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Speaker 2: and industry disputes and creative differences have all contributed to

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Speaker 2: her limited catalog. But I think the recognition at the

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Speaker 2: BT Awards has prompted a lot to question whether artistic

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Speaker 2: value should be measured by how much someone produces or

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Speaker 2: by the lasting impact of the work they create. And so,

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Speaker 2: you know, I think a lot about like, in a

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Speaker 2: culture that celebrates this constant productivity and output, what can

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Speaker 2: we learn from slowing down and letting the work speak

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Speaker 2: for itself? And so my question for you is why

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Speaker 2: do we often assume that more is always better, whether

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Speaker 2: it's accomplishments, promotions, or creative work.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I think you've talked to spoke to it

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Speaker 1: in the question. I think so much of our society

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Speaker 1: really glamorizes this idea of more equals better. Right, So,

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Speaker 1: even as you finished one accomplishment, than it is immediately

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Speaker 1: going to like, oh well, what's next? Right? Like, that's

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Speaker 1: even how we talk with one another. But I think

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Speaker 1: if we could all be so fortunate as to do

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Speaker 1: a thing like the mis education of Lauren Hill, and

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Speaker 1: that be our only thing, would that not be enough? Right? Like?

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Speaker 1: I think that if there's something that I did in

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Speaker 1: my life and people compared it to the miseducation, I

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Speaker 1: would feel pleased, right to be able to say that

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Speaker 1: a work that you created twenty plus years ago still

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Speaker 1: has such staying power. Like I watched the BT Awards

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Speaker 1: and immediately launched into a re listen of Miseducation, right,

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Speaker 1: and so something that has that kind of staying power

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Speaker 1: that feels just as relevant now as it did when

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Speaker 1: I was a sophomore in college, because that's when it

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Speaker 1: came out. Like I can vividly remember being in my

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Speaker 1: friend's apartment listening to this album. And so I think

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Speaker 1: that that just really speaks to why we love Lauren

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Speaker 1: in general, is that she creates this work that is

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Speaker 1: so timeless that really speaks to us through multiple levels

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Speaker 1: of our lives. But I do think so much of

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Speaker 1: society is just go, go, go, do the next thing,

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Speaker 1: and I think she has really just resisted that for

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Speaker 1: one reason or another. Right, some of it I think

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Speaker 1: has been legal, but I think also has she felt

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Speaker 1: like there's anything else she needed to say on that

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Speaker 1: same level as mystification, maybe not.

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Speaker 2: I'm curious what does it cost us when we feel

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Speaker 2: like we always have to produce something? What does it

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Speaker 2: cost our mental health?

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Speaker 1: Ooh? I think it kind of leads to exhaustion and burnout,

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Speaker 1: which I think is really interesting because I've also seen

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Speaker 1: this conversation and very struck by how many black women

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Speaker 1: are having this conversation when so many of us also

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Speaker 1: find ourselves like depleted and exhausted, right, And so instead

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Speaker 1: of kind of looking at Lauren and holding her up

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Speaker 1: to be like a possibility model of hey, I could

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Speaker 1: do this thing and not feel pressure to kind of

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Speaker 1: rush into this next thing we're questioning, we've kind of

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Speaker 1: drink the kool aid, so to speak, of this idea

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Speaker 1: that we have to constantly be producing to kind of

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Speaker 1: prove our worth to advance to the next stage. And

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Speaker 1: I think it costs us a lot in terms of

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Speaker 1: our mental health. So much of our identity then becomes

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Speaker 1: tied to work, which can be fleeting. And so how

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Speaker 1: good do you feel about yourself if you're not putting

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Speaker 1: out this next thing, which I think is very detrimental

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Speaker 1: to our mental health, But also the anxiety that comes

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Speaker 1: with like trying to top this thing that you just did,

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Speaker 1: or the depression when it feels like you are not

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Speaker 1: raising to the levels that maybe you've previously gone to.

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Speaker 1: And so I think that there is a huge cost

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Speaker 1: to our mental health when we are kind of constantly going, going, going,

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Speaker 1: instead of just being and you know, allowing ourselves to

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Speaker 1: sit with maybe the things that we've already created.

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Speaker 2: I think something you said earlier that really resonated with

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Speaker 2: me is questioning whether or not you have something to say.

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Speaker 2: I sometimes will like peruse the timeline of Tony Morrison's releases,

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Speaker 2: and obviously books take a longer time to produce, but

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Speaker 2: I do think there's gaps in between those books. There

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Speaker 2: are very long gaps in between some of those books,

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Speaker 2: and I think it does take a level of internal metering.

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Speaker 2: Do I have something to say, or am I trying

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Speaker 2: to appease an algorithm or some arbitrary timeline our goal.

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Speaker 2: That's something I think about a.

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Speaker 1: Lot me too, And I think that that's a part

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Speaker 1: of my tension with social media, just because it feels

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Speaker 1: like there's always a conversation happening, and I personally just

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Speaker 1: feel like I don't need to talk if what I

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Speaker 1: have to say has already been said. But I feel

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Speaker 1: like so much of social media prioritizes and like praises

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Speaker 1: just like saying something just to be a part of

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Speaker 1: the conversation regardless, and personally that is a tension for me,

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Speaker 1: like I don't want to talk if like the thing

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Speaker 1: that needs to be said has already been said by

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Speaker 1: somebody else.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think every medium, every conversation is for everyone,

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Speaker 2: and that's completely okay. So my last question on this

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Speaker 2: beat is how can creativity benefit from rest space or

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Speaker 2: even long periods of riet rather than conc output, which

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Speaker 2: we talked a little bit about. But I'd love to

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Speaker 2: hear your perspective as someone who's has a book or

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Speaker 2: wrote a book and is producing and working on this podcast.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think we see it, and I think that

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Speaker 1: this kind of speaks directly to what I feel like

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Speaker 1: has been a decline in like music for example, right,

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Speaker 1: Like historically people would have one album and they would

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Speaker 1: tour and you would see, you know, random singles kind

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Speaker 1: of released throughout time, and then maybe a couple of

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Speaker 1: years later there would be another album, whereas now sometimes

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Speaker 1: we're getting like two albums a year, and it's like

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Speaker 1: there's been enough time to breathe. And so I think

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Speaker 1: for anything creative, you have to kind of sit with

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Speaker 1: stuff right for it to be good. So people will

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Speaker 1: often ask me like, oh, what's the next book? I

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Speaker 1: have no plans of writing another book right now, like

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Speaker 1: there's nothing that I feel like I need to say again,

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Speaker 1: and I feel like Sisterhood Hills still has time to percoctate.

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Speaker 1: There's still things I want to talk about from that book.

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Speaker 1: And so I think sitting with ideas is really important

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Speaker 1: for the creative process. I think things through to live

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Speaker 1: with them, to breathe with them, and dance with them.

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Speaker 1: Like the creative process, I think, by nature, is a

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Speaker 1: slow one and it doesn't really conlend itself to this

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Speaker 1: next project. Yet I think some of us feel forced

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Speaker 1: to live in.

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Speaker 2: I also think there's a difference between having some type

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Speaker 2: of creative discipline and practice that gets you in the

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Speaker 2: routine versus constant output, and that practice might be really internal.

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Speaker 2: I also think about, you know, in terms of writing,

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Speaker 2: you gotta live a little like how can you write

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Speaker 2: your tar baby if you haven't even been outside? You

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Speaker 2: can't do that. And so I always think about when

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Speaker 2: I feel like I'm not producing some arbitrary level output,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, girl, part of the research is in development

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Speaker 2: is just living?

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Speaker 1: Yes? Agree more from our conversation after the break.

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Speaker 2: So moving on to our second topic of the week, money,

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Speaker 2: Long revealed that her ten plus year struggle with lupus

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Speaker 2: caused her to have a double long transplant. You may

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Speaker 2: remember last year she was on tour with Brandy and

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Speaker 2: Monica for the broy Is Mind Tour and had to

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Speaker 2: drop out unfortunately for health reasons. She shared on Good

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Speaker 2: Morning America that at just thirty seven, doctors had given

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Speaker 2: her only a week to live. And I'm thinking about

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Speaker 2: how can a serious illness reshape someone's sense of identity.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I was really shocked to hear this. I mean,

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Speaker 1: of course her health information is private, but to no

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Speaker 1: I do remember her having to leave that tour, but

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Speaker 1: never really knew why, and so to find out like

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Speaker 1: how serious things were, I think was really kind of

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Speaker 1: striking to me. And when you think about like illness,

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Speaker 1: especially something that feels like maybe this sudden, I think

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Speaker 1: it does really kind of shake your sense of identity

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Speaker 1: and your sense of normalcy and safety in the world,

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Speaker 1: right because all the things that you knew before, and

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Speaker 1: in her case right of like being a touring artist

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Speaker 1: and probably being somebody who was super active and kind

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Speaker 1: of on the go instantly shifts when you have this

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Speaker 1: kind of diagnosis, and the doctor says, Hey, you gotta

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Speaker 1: like stop right, Like that goes against all the things

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Speaker 1: that we just talked about, right in terms of how

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Speaker 1: you make your living and how you identify as an artist,

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Speaker 1: and you know, all the kinds of things that you've

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Speaker 1: known about yourself. And so I think that there can

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Speaker 1: be a huge shift to your identity when there is

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Speaker 1: an illness that kind of really forces you to stop

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Speaker 1: in the way that something like this did.

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Speaker 2: What does it mean or what might it look like

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Speaker 2: to really grieve and give space to the version of

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Speaker 2: yourself that existed before a major illness, especially when there

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Speaker 2: are I don't like, characteristics or stereotypes of what it

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Speaker 2: means for a person to have lupis or PCOS or

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Speaker 2: whatever it may be.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think the grieving process is a very

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Speaker 1: difficult one for lots of different reasons, and especially in

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Speaker 1: this case, like we talked about, you know, when you

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Speaker 1: kind of have identified yourself as somebody who is a

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Speaker 1: touring artist and somebody who has the stamina to perform,

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Speaker 1: and you know, so much of like your physicality is

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Speaker 1: tied into like what your voice even sounds like, right,

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Speaker 1: And so there were likely periods where she couldn't even

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Speaker 1: sing whether it was performing or not. And so there

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Speaker 1: is a grieving of this is what I thought my

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Speaker 1: life would be, and this is the reality and the

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Speaker 1: actuality of it, of what it is. And so how

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Speaker 1: do I make peace with the things that I can

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Speaker 1: no longer do but also embrace the things now that

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Speaker 1: may look very different? And even though I may not

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Speaker 1: be able to do these kinds of things, maybe there

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Speaker 1: are other possibilities that are open to me now. But

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Speaker 1: you can't necessarily get to that, like silver lining before

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Speaker 1: you get to the ouse. This really kind of sucks,

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Speaker 1: and I don't like this right Like, there is often

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Speaker 1: a lot of negotiation and anger when somebody is grieving

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Speaker 1: because you have likely spent a long time developing the

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Speaker 1: identity that you found yourself in and so to kind

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Speaker 1: of have that drastically pulled away is very, very, very difficult.

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Speaker 1: And so I think allowing yourself to sit with that,

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Speaker 1: I feel like we say that all the time here,

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Speaker 1: but allowing yourself to sit with it, and also getting

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Speaker 1: support from people who maybe are in similar situations or

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Speaker 1: people who really understand it and who won't rush you

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Speaker 1: to like, oh okay, well, but we can do this,

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Speaker 1: right like, you don't want people who to rush you

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Speaker 1: to that silver lining before you've actually had time to

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Speaker 1: sit with This is the new reality of my situation

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Speaker 1: and I don't love it, but at some point I

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Speaker 1: will be able to make peace with it.

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Speaker 2: I love that.

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Speaker 1: I love that.

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Speaker 2: I think you're the girl on this. But sisterhood truly

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Speaker 2: does heal.

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Speaker 1: It definitely does.

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Speaker 2: And before we go today, we're going to talk about

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Speaker 2: my gem night, little sister Northwest, who was photographed at

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Speaker 2: Paris Fashion Week with new pair sings between her blue hair,

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Speaker 2: her cheek studs, her nose piercings, all of this at

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Speaker 2: thirteen years old. I think her express of herself has

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Speaker 2: definitely caused a lot of conversation, and I'm curious how

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Speaker 2: can parents strike a balance between encouraging individuality and setting

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Speaker 2: boundaries with their children, but also not shaming the individuality

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Speaker 2: that we see other people express themself within.

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Speaker 1: So I think one part of this conversation that's really

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Speaker 1: important to pay attention to is that thirteen year old

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Speaker 1: Northwest is not having the same experience as like a

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Speaker 1: thirteen year old necessarily in Atlanta, right Like, this is

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Speaker 1: a celebrity child who has a very different experience of

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Speaker 1: life than like non celebrity children, and so I think

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Speaker 1: that that part of it can be lost because she

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Speaker 1: is existing in a very different world where like the

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Speaker 1: rules may be different than the ones that you might

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Speaker 1: have in your house. Right. But I think you know,

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Speaker 1: when you think about like thirteen year olds and just

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Speaker 1: their experience of themselves in the world, a lot of

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Speaker 1: what is developmentally appropriate at that age is them finding

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Speaker 1: themselves and figuring out who am I as separate from

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Speaker 1: my parents and like my family, and what does that

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Speaker 1: look like. So there might be different hair colors, that

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Speaker 1: might be piercing, that may be experimenting with all kinds

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Speaker 1: of different things, and so I think what's important is

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Speaker 1: figuring out what does that look like in a way

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Speaker 1: that is safe and healthy and respects the rules of

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Speaker 1: whatever your family is, right. And so I think something

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Speaker 1: I've seen and I think there's been lots of conversations

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Speaker 1: in families around hair color. And so one way that

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Speaker 1: I've seen, like some families kind of experiment with this

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Speaker 1: is like during the summer, when you're not in school,

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Speaker 1: like they will let kids be more experimental with hair.

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Speaker 1: And so I think that that can be one way

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Speaker 1: to you know, allow them to experiment, but in a

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Speaker 1: way that maybe is not breaking any kind of honor

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Speaker 1: colds or dress codes. That's cool. So I think having

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Speaker 1: the child express, like what kinds of things feel important

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Speaker 1: and figuring out ways to do that that are healthy, right,

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Speaker 1: And so if it is piercings, can you take them

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Speaker 1: to I think like some dermatologists do that now, or

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Speaker 1: even pediatricians will do that. So figuring out what kinds

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Speaker 1: of things feel safe or like playing with non you know,

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Speaker 1: like you don't have to get pierced to like you know,

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Speaker 1: experiment with ear rings or you know, like that thing.

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Speaker 1: So what kinds of thing is the child like trying

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Speaker 1: to express and what kinds of ways can you allow

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Speaker 1: them to do that in ways that feel healthy and

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Speaker 1: also don't feel like too big of a stretch for you?

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Speaker 2: How do you think also parents may be able to

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Speaker 2: reckon with their child's expression, like visual expression being outside

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Speaker 2: of like what they feel comfortable with in terms of

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Speaker 2: like it may be like representing like a subculture or

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Speaker 2: if to your parents, like I don't if I don't

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Speaker 2: get it, this is weird, how do your parents like

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Speaker 2: grapple with that without shaming their kid, Like, where can

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Speaker 2: we start to develop a point of understanding?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think this really goes back to the idea

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Speaker 1: of raising the child that you have as opposed to

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Speaker 1: the one that you thought you wanted or that you

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Speaker 1: thought you did have. Right, Like, if a child is

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Speaker 1: coming to you and say, hey, I want blue hair

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Speaker 1: and these kinds of pier things, it may not be

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Speaker 1: something that you get, but if it feel it was

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Speaker 1: like something that's important to them, I think you have

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Speaker 1: to ask yourself what is the harm in this? Right?

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Speaker 1: And I think for a lot of us, what we

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Speaker 1: will recognize if we ask that question is that we

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Speaker 1: are feeding into some kind of respectability politics, right, like

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Speaker 1: this idea that my parenting will be judged because I

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Speaker 1: let my child have blue hair or I let them

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Speaker 1: have a bunch of piercings. Is it really causing any

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Speaker 1: harm to your child? And like their development these decisions

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Speaker 1: they're making now of it is that's a very different

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Speaker 1: kind of conversation. But if it is something as harmless

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Speaker 1: as hair color or piercings, I think you have to

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Speaker 1: really sit with why am I so resistant to this

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Speaker 1: and understanding that this is a part of what they're

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Speaker 1: supposed to be doing at thirteen is like figuring out

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Speaker 1: who they are, how they want to look, how do

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Speaker 1: you fit in with friends? This is what's cool and

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Speaker 1: what's popular if it is not something that is harmful

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Speaker 1: or unhealthy in some way, I think we have to

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Speaker 1: get off our soapboxes and our high horses and say

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Speaker 1: it's okay for kids to experiment and kind of do

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Speaker 1: different things, even if it's not something we would choose

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Speaker 1: for ourselves.

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Speaker 2: Well, thank you for that. I loved when you said

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Speaker 2: raising the child that you have and not the one

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Speaker 2: that you expected to have.

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Speaker 1: That was put.

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Speaker 2: Well, that's all I have for today.

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Speaker 1: Great topics as always, and if there are things that

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Speaker 1: you're talking about in your circles that you'd like us

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Speaker 1: to weigh in on, please send that to us at

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Speaker 1: Therapy from BlackGirl dot com slash mailbox. But until next time,

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Speaker 1: take good care of yourself, right,