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Speaker 1: It's stay or go.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Kiana is here, Hello, Kiana, how you doing.

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Speaker 3: I'm okay, okay.

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Speaker 2: Okay, all right, Well you know what, we're all a little

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Speaker 2: tired around here, but I don't. We can obviously give

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Speaker 2: incredible advice even while fatigued.

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Speaker 1: Okay, We're going to fix your life right now, go

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Speaker 1: ahead please.

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Speaker 4: Okay.

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Speaker 3: So my new boyfriend he like, we recently decided to

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Speaker 3: be exclusive, like it's been three months, but now he's

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Speaker 3: like he wants to get ahead of some issues that

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Speaker 3: he had in past relationships.

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Speaker 1: Okay, that was like, oh.

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Speaker 3: And one of them was like he said, he will

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Speaker 3: not put up with being talked about or having his

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Speaker 3: business shared in.

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Speaker 5: My group chat with my friends or during girls night.

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Speaker 2: Well, welcome to begin a relationship. Okay, okay, all right,

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Speaker 2: So he won't put up with with the.

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Speaker 3: Group chat, You're not going to put up with me

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Speaker 3: and my friends. And he said he didn't want little

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Speaker 3: friends with his friends wives and girlfriends because in the

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Speaker 3: past it means that then his relationship gets talked about

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Speaker 3: and it leads to problems.

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Speaker 4: So I can't get close to the wives and girlfriends.

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Speaker 6: Of his friends.

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Speaker 2: Okay, okay, So you you can't talk about him in group,

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Speaker 2: yet you can't talk about him when you're out with

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Speaker 2: your friends, and you also can't be friends with his

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Speaker 2: friends wives and girlfriends.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, and then who are you.

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Speaker 1: Allowed to socialize with this man? This guy?

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Speaker 2: Is this a dude to shut the the CEO man

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Speaker 2: in New York or something like why does this guy?

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Speaker 1: What does he have to hide?

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Speaker 3: I don't like he just keeps saying that they're not negotiable.

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Speaker 3: This is not negotiable, and like if I have a problem,

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Speaker 3: like he's not going to blame me, but we can't

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Speaker 3: be together. And it's just like this guy like was

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Speaker 3: so before he laid down these rules, Like it was

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Speaker 3: pretty normal before, like we had the like what are

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Speaker 3: we doing, let's get exclusive talk and then.

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Speaker 2: That like no, I will say this about the I

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Speaker 2: don't know why you wouldn't want you to be friends

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Speaker 2: with the wives of his friends, because I would think

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Speaker 2: that would make life easier. You know, you guys can

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Speaker 2: go out and do your thing well while he's out

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Speaker 2: with his friends, and I don't know, maybe.

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Speaker 1: If they talk about it.

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Speaker 2: Well yeah, but if they if they like you, then

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Speaker 2: they're going to tell his friends that they like you.

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Speaker 2: And then that probably is going to not that they

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Speaker 2: should have a vote, but come on, our friends do

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Speaker 2: kind of have a vote. Like it's it's a miserable

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Speaker 2: situation to be dating someone who no one else likes.

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Speaker 2: So I would think that that would be a good thing.

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Speaker 2: The only part of this that I can commiserate with.

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Speaker 2: While I would never tell anyone they can't do it

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Speaker 2: is it is difficult when you bring the outside opinions

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Speaker 2: of friends from the group, chatter from girls side or

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Speaker 2: whatever into your relationship in that I don't really care

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Speaker 2: what your friends think about your version of the story

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Speaker 2: that you told them about the fight that we had.

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Speaker 1: Oh you know, I've been a relationship before.

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Speaker 2: It was like, well, so and so says that you know,

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Speaker 2: I should see this and that you should do that

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Speaker 2: and whatever. And it's like, okay, but so and so

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Speaker 2: only heard your side of the story, and so and

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Speaker 2: so is not part of this relationship. And so and

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Speaker 2: so is not in this, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: So it's like at that point, I understand, but that's

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Speaker 2: his own insecurity. He can't tell you that you cannot

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Speaker 2: communicate with these people like you. That's controlling.

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Speaker 3: You can't do that it's really weird, Like it's just

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Speaker 3: it's really weird, Like we didn't have these rules before,

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Speaker 3: so it's like everything was sort of fine, Like I

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Speaker 3: even met some of his friends, but now we're starting

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Speaker 3: to like see them like a second time. So that's

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Speaker 3: why he, like, I think it came out of the

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Speaker 3: fact that his friend's girlfriend and I like kind of

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Speaker 3: hit it off, like we were good for you know,

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Speaker 3: and we like we follow each other now on Instagram.

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Speaker 1: I don't know why that's the problem for him, and

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Speaker 1: I don't know how. I don't know why he's threatened

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Speaker 1: by that.

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Speaker 2: Again, the only thing I can see here is is

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Speaker 2: that he's been in a relationship like many of us have,

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Speaker 2: where you know, the friends inject themselves or you allow

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Speaker 2: the friends to you inject the friends in your relationship

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Speaker 2: to where it's like, but yeah, this is between us,

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Speaker 2: you know, and it's like I don't get to talk

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Speaker 2: to them about what my side of.

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Speaker 1: The story is.

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Speaker 2: So why are we acting like your perspective is gospel

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Speaker 2: and like their perspective is the direction? You know what

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Speaker 2: I mean, that's the only part of this that I

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Speaker 2: can see being an issue. But we haven't even gotten

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Speaker 2: that far yet, or have we have you done that?

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Speaker 2: Have you have you done the thing where you're like, well,

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Speaker 2: Stacy says that you should be doing this and that

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Speaker 2: and the other thing, have you done that?

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Speaker 3: Well? No, because we really haven't had any issues with

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Speaker 3: this ultimatum. And now it's like, oh, well now, so

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Speaker 3: really you're the first conversation I've had about it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't talk about it, don't talk to the

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Speaker 2: relationship about don't talk about your relationship to your friends

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Speaker 2: or his friend's girlfriends.

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Speaker 1: But certainly call the radio station talk about it.

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Speaker 2: He didn't testify, No, No, he didn't eight five five

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Speaker 2: five one three five. I want some phone calls. I

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Speaker 2: want some text on this to Kiki.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, I wonder if he's maybe doing something then he

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Speaker 8: has no business doing and he doesn't want that to

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Speaker 8: get back to her because what happens is you guys

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Speaker 8: do stuff sometimes and with your little friends, and then

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Speaker 8: they pillow talk with their spouses, and now that she's

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Speaker 8: befriending the spouses, they can report back to her what

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Speaker 8: her man is doing that she doesn't know about.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but a good friend, I mean, not that you

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Speaker 2: should be doing any of that stuff in it My

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Speaker 2: friends would not, I don't. They might tell their if

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Speaker 2: they told their wives about something I was doing that

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Speaker 2: I wasn't supposed to be doing. They I think my

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Speaker 2: friends would know that their wives weren't going to talk.

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Speaker 2: If they thought their wives were going to tattle on me,

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Speaker 2: then they wouldn't tattle on me themselves. Like that's the

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Speaker 2: situation between you and your friends and keeping your secrets.

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Speaker 2: This to me is highly controlling. And again, I'll say

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Speaker 2: one more time, the only issue I have is when

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Speaker 2: people bring outside factors into your relationship is not fair

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Speaker 2: because again, the only people who really know what's going

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Speaker 2: on in the relationship are me and you, and I

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Speaker 2: don't really care what someone thinks about what's happening in

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Speaker 2: our relationship based on the story you told them, because

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Speaker 2: that is your side of the story.

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Speaker 6: When you tell people like okay, let's just say you

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Speaker 6: talk to your friends right about your issues in your

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Speaker 6: marriage relationship, like you don't tell them like even the

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Speaker 6: wrongs that you do.

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Speaker 2: Of course I do, but I don't think everybody does.

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Speaker 2: I feel like most people when they venture their close friends,

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Speaker 2: they're telling them their side of the story. And I

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Speaker 2: don't know that I necessarily always trust that someone's going

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Speaker 2: to be like and here's the thing I did that

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Speaker 2: where I really screwed up, because you should because if

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Speaker 2: you do that, then that person's going to tell you

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Speaker 2: that you were wrong. And then, well, I guess it's

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Speaker 2: for some people that's a real friend. Well I agree,

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Speaker 2: but I have not always found that people are being

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Speaker 2: as transparent as they could be because they're going to

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Speaker 2: their friends looking for them to commiserate with them, right,

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Speaker 2: you know, to empathize with them.

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Speaker 6: Like another thing jew is that you mentioned like he

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Speaker 6: doesn't want to be mentioned in the group chat, right,

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Speaker 6: I want to know, like to what context? Like is

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Speaker 6: it like I don't know, like how he is in

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Speaker 6: bed or something? He doesn't want that out there, like

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Speaker 6: because you know that that's into information that like some

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Speaker 6: people just don't want to share about in their relationship.

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Speaker 1: That's fine, I respect it. Or is it like all

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Speaker 1: we got into a fight yesterday?

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Speaker 7: Hate it?

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Speaker 6: Watch the dishes? I can't stand his ass, Like you

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Speaker 6: know what I mean? It's like, like, what's the level here?

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Speaker 6: Because I think they're different?

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Speaker 1: Is it just nothing?

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Speaker 4: He didn't get specific?

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Speaker 3: He was like, do not see my name?

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Speaker 1: Do not see my name? Yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't

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Speaker 2: think with that one asterisk, I don't like it. No,

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Speaker 2: because he could very easily say to you, Hey, look,

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Speaker 2: in my past relationship, I felt like I was dating

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Speaker 2: a group because I've been in that relationship before. I've

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Speaker 2: dated somewhere where I feel like I'm dating seven people

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, but I'm not.

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Speaker 1: I'm dating you, you know what I mean. And so

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Speaker 1: I don't.

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Speaker 2: Necessarily care what the other six people think because well,

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Speaker 2: they're not in bed with us, unless I'd like to

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Speaker 2: be in bed with us, and then we can involve

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Speaker 2: them if you. But I agree, I think there's something

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Speaker 2: very efficient going on here. I think there's something going

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Speaker 2: on that that he's insecure about or hiding or something.

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Speaker 2: And even if it's none of that, it's just downright controlling.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean it came out of nowhere really like

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Speaker 3: it was like we were. It was the next conversation

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Speaker 3: after we talked about going exclusive.

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Speaker 9: So yeah, in my experience, if someone's worried about being

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Speaker 9: talked about.

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Speaker 1: It's because there's a reason to be. Yeah, people need

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Speaker 1: their friendships.

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Speaker 9: You can't just only keep everything in between your relationship.

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Speaker 1: It's not healthy.

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Speaker 9: I've only ever seen people be worried about that if

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Speaker 9: they they have a reason to make.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, someone just texts it to form of isolation. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: he wants you, he wants you in his little silo. Yes,

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Speaker 2: and he doesn't want you communicating for some reason. It's

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Speaker 2: not Yeah. Yeah, it's toxic. It's giving narcissism, it's giving

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Speaker 2: much controlling. Yeah, I'm gonna take some phone calls on this,

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Speaker 2: but have the radio on. Let's see what people have

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Speaker 2: to say. But yeah, I don't like it, and none

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Speaker 2: of us like it.

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Speaker 1: But good luck, Okay, okay, thank you very yeah, thank

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Speaker 1: you eight five five five one one three five Andrea, Hi,

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Speaker 1: hi Ver, good morning, Hey, good morse. You just heard

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Speaker 1: the story.

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Speaker 2: This woman just started ditting a guy I've been together

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Speaker 2: for about three months. They're now exclusive, and his thing is,

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Speaker 2: I don't want you talking to me about me with

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Speaker 2: your friends or the females who my friends are involved with.

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Speaker 1: His male friends are involved with. What do you think?

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Speaker 5: I think that if your intuition it feels like something

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Speaker 5: is off, it's because something is completely off for a

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Speaker 5: man to want to isolate you that soon and be

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Speaker 5: exclusive and not talk about you should already give you

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Speaker 5: your answer. I think there is, you know, there's an

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Speaker 5: understanding where you can say, well, I don't want you know,

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Speaker 5: there's certain things that you talk about your relationship with

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Speaker 5: your friends, and there's certain things that you don't. But

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Speaker 5: for him to say, like, don't talk about me at all,

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Speaker 5: you can't be around my friends, that is just a

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Speaker 5: sign already to end it and be like, Okay, thanks

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Speaker 5: so much, and I'm pretty sure later on she will

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Speaker 5: find out why.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think so too. Thank you, Andrea. I

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Speaker 2: have a great day.

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Speaker 5: You're welcome you too, so bud By.

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Speaker 2: Kathy, Hi, oh hey Kathy, what do you think.

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Speaker 4: I'm going to say? Because I just got out of

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Speaker 4: this situation hardcore, immediately go because it's only going to

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Speaker 4: get worse from here. So my ex sold me a

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Speaker 4: fake person, which it sounds like this guy did the

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Speaker 4: exact same thing, and then he, once we became exclusive

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Speaker 4: and moved in together, started really showing his true colors.

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Speaker 4: It's going to start with don't talk about me to

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Speaker 4: your friends, because they're only going to tell you that

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Speaker 4: I'm a bad person and you need to leave me

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Speaker 4: to the point where he's going to say, I don't

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Speaker 4: care if you go out once a year with your friends.

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Speaker 4: I'm not invited, and it makes me feel unwanted. So

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Speaker 4: it's just going to get worse from here. It's controlling,

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Speaker 4: it's manipulative. She needs to go now, she needs to

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Speaker 4: get out before four years like I did.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well four years, yeah out again.

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Speaker 2: I'm trying to see the other side of this, in

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Speaker 2: any sort of redeeming part of what he's asking for again,

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Speaker 2: and this is personal to me, but I've been in

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Speaker 2: situations before where it's like, you told we had a fight,

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Speaker 2: you said this, I said that, I said this, you

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Speaker 2: said this, you told your friends the side of it

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Speaker 2: that I did, and now I have to not only

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Speaker 2: sort of I have to recover with your friend group.

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Speaker 2: And that's not fair, especially if it's a fight that

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Speaker 2: we both got in and we're both going to resolve

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Speaker 2: and we're both going to move vun Like it's hard enough.

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Speaker 2: A relationship is hard enough with two people. What I

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Speaker 2: don't need to do is also then have to try

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Speaker 2: and ingratiate myself re ingratiate myself with your friends or

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Speaker 2: vice versa.

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Speaker 1: The same way that if I go. If I go

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Speaker 1: and tell.

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Speaker 2: My friends I got in this fight, I got cheated on,

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Speaker 2: this horrible thing happened to me, my friends might go,

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Speaker 2: you need to get out, and maybe they're right. But

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Speaker 2: then if I choose then to forgive him and I

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Speaker 2: choose to go back or her or whatever, then the

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Speaker 2: problem is the friends are not going to forget that thing,

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Speaker 2: and it might be very difficult to have success moving

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Speaker 2: forward because you may have chosen to forgive me or

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Speaker 2: I may have chosen to forgive you. But is it

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Speaker 2: always going to be out there that your friends hate

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Speaker 2: me or I hate your friends because they gave you

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Speaker 2: bad advice.

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Speaker 1: You know, that's very true.

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Speaker 7: I agree.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so that's what you need to be as transparent

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Speaker 4: as possible. You know, some people just want to make

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Speaker 4: sure everybody's on their side.

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Speaker 7: So that's a.

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Speaker 4: Character thought that people need to work on. But again,

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Speaker 4: I was just in this situation and I can completely

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Speaker 4: see where this is going, and so I say, just

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Speaker 4: get out now before it gets worth Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree with you, Kathy. Thank you, have a

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Speaker 1: great day, you two, thank you. Yeah. I mean this

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Speaker 1: to me. This if his.

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Speaker 2: Concern is what my concern is an overcorrection, and I

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Speaker 2: think it's way more than that, and you need friends.

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Speaker 9: That are able to discern, Like I don't know, I

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Speaker 9: feel like Jason, Pauline and I have a very honest,

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Speaker 9: have very honest conversations about our partners, and even if

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Speaker 9: it doesn't paint them in the best light, I never

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Speaker 9: judge their partner. I never think of them differently because

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Speaker 9: I know I feel like they're good people at their core.

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Speaker 9: I like, you need the ability to be able to

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Speaker 9: like sort through that stuff.

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Speaker 2: But we all know people who it's like every day

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Speaker 2: we hear my husband did this, my wife did this,

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Speaker 2: my girlfriend did this, like nag and nag and nagg,

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Speaker 2: And then you start to ask yourself, like, if it's

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Speaker 2: that bad, then what are you doing?

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Speaker 1: You a goofy like.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, right, But the problem is maybe it's not really

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Speaker 2: that bad. Maybe you're just looking for people to go,

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Speaker 2: oh my gosh, you're right, you're right, you're right.

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Speaker 1: Because we all know those people. We all know the.

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Speaker 2: People who they only want they only want validation, yes,

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Speaker 2: And the problem is like people who go to therapy,

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Speaker 2: you know, and they go to therapy and they tell

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Speaker 2: their therapy all the stuff that everyone else is doing wrong,

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Speaker 2: and like I go to therapy, I do the opposite.

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Speaker 2: I sit down and I tell her everything I did wrong,

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Speaker 2: and she has to reel me in and go, well,

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Speaker 2: can we talk about why that happened? Like what's the

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Speaker 2: other side of the story, you know, And both both

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Speaker 2: scenarios don't lead to any resolution because we're not dealing

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Speaker 2: with the actual problem, you know, but we all know

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Speaker 2: people who it's like if this guy said that bad

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Speaker 2: and this person you're doating is this horrible? If your

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Speaker 2: husband's that awful, then why are you with it?

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Speaker 7: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Why would you want people to think or of your partner?

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Speaker 1: You are weird exactly.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Ashley, Hi, Hey are you hey? Good morning, Thanks

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Speaker 2: for colling, Thanks for listening.

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Speaker 1: What do you want to say? Yeah?

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Speaker 7: I was just feeling like that's that's a rich like

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Speaker 7: a big ridden like a clear sign of narcissism, controlling isolation.

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Speaker 7: And I've been there, like to the point where I

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Speaker 7: had an excep was in the story I complimented someone

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Speaker 7: choose and he was like, you shouldn't be talking to

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Speaker 7: anybody period.

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Speaker 1: WHOA No.

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Speaker 7: I just I just feel like that's a red flag

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Speaker 7: and run.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's because I feel like people who do this

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Speaker 2: and they try to isolate you and close you off

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Speaker 2: is because they know they're doing bad stuff, and they

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Speaker 2: know that people around you are going to tell you

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Speaker 2: they're doing bad stuff, and they don't want that. They

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Speaker 2: want you to somehow believe that the way you're being

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Speaker 2: treated is the way you're supposed to be treated, the.

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Speaker 7: Way you're supposed to be exactly. And like with that,

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Speaker 7: when she gave the example, I was like, well, maybe

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Speaker 7: maybe something happened with somebody in that group, the little

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Speaker 7: friend group, and he doesn't want that to come out

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Speaker 7: because something happened in the past.

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Speaker 1: Well that could be too.

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Speaker 7: Either way, it's negative. Yeah, I just feel like it's

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Speaker 7: a whole negative situation.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree with that. Hey, thank you so much,

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Speaker 1: have a good day. Thank you you call.

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Speaker 2: We got a psychologist. We got we got doctor Nick

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Speaker 2: over here, doctor Nick is here.

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Speaker 10: Hi, not a doctor by a massive degree in Council

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Speaker 10: of psychology.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, close enough to a doctor for this show.

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Speaker 2: Honestly, as far as I'm concidered, you're the foremost expert

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Speaker 2: in this topic.

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Speaker 1: So what do you want to say?

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Speaker 10: Yeah, so I heard you know, kind playing both sides

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Speaker 10: of the situation and we could all look at the

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Speaker 10: aspect of her. You know, it is a controlling thing.

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Speaker 10: I totally agree with that. If this is worth salvaging,

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Speaker 10: I would look into possibly go into therapy and seeing

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Speaker 10: if these insecurities are due to other things, such as

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Speaker 10: early developmental engagements that he had growing up, maybe with

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Speaker 10: other people. That's something that's worth diving into, because I

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Speaker 10: heard another listener say that it's only going to get worse,

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Speaker 10: and it's just like having your car and writing it

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Speaker 10: with no oil, you know, if you don't check everything

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Speaker 10: and make sure that everything is working properly.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's gonna get worse. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And I mean, look again, I'm only playing the other

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Speaker 2: side of that. I don't I don't agree with what

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Speaker 2: he's doing at all. I think it's a problem. I

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Speaker 2: think she should go, but.

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Maybe maybe he doesn't think she's an accountable, honest person

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Speaker 2: and doesn't think that, you know, she's she would go

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Speaker 2: to her friends with accurate information or ask, you know,

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Speaker 2: give them the whole story. If he thinks that she's

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Speaker 2: you know, if she thinks she's if he thinks he's

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Speaker 2: a narcissister, she has the issue, then why is he

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Speaker 2: dating her anyway?

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Like, So, I don't think

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Speaker 1: that's it exactly.

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Speaker 10: Yeah, I think there has to be some early deep

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Speaker 10: dives into what's actually going on. And I do think

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Speaker 10: it's wrong to have isolation, of course, because we're creatures

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Speaker 10: of habit. We need to be with our friends and

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Speaker 10: we need to be able to engage. And when you

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Speaker 10: take that away from them, they're going to resent that

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Speaker 10: person too.

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Speaker 2: And you need to trust that someone's going to be accountable.

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Speaker 2: You need to trust that they're going to take information

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Speaker 2: of all different kinds from the outside, come back to

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Speaker 2: what they know about you, and and act accordingly. And again,

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Speaker 2: So if he thinks that she has the problem, or

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Speaker 2: if he thinks that she can't be trusted, then this

404
00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:40,080
Speaker 2: relationship won't work anyway. So what difference is a mattera

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Speaker 2: look at that, Nick, We figured it out. We solve

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Speaker 2: this one's problems. To go dump his ass and it's

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Speaker 2: all good.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Nick.

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Speaker 7: Welcome.

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Speaker 2: I just upgraded you to PhD. Yes you are a

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Speaker 2: doctor University of Fred's sign.

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Speaker 1: On air. What it is? That's all it is. The

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Speaker 1: entertainer of forty is next Shelley. After that, a timebreaker

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Speaker 1: one thousand fifty bucks. Friend Joe