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Speaker 1: Welcome to Stuff Mob Never Told You from how stupp

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Speaker 1: works dot com. Hello, and welcome to the podcast. I'm

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Speaker 1: Caroline and I'm Kristen, and this is part two of

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Speaker 1: our look at rape and sexual assault in America, and

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Speaker 1: our first episode we looked at rape culture and how

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Speaker 1: we got to where we are in our country and

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Speaker 1: in our culture as far as our views on women,

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Speaker 1: women's sexuality and rape. This episode, we're going to talk

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Speaker 1: to you more about the nuts and bolts of the

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Speaker 1: statistics of it. Who were the victims, who were the perpetrators,

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Speaker 1: what is the issue of reporting that makes these numbers

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Speaker 1: so kind of hazy, And of course we want to

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Speaker 1: kick things off with a trigger warning for people who

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Speaker 1: might be sensitive to hearing details about rape and sexual assault.

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Speaker 1: Um and also, as we mentioned in the last podcast,

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Speaker 1: we're not going to spend a lot of time talking

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Speaker 1: about the specifics of certain high profile cases like what

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Speaker 1: happened in Steubenville, Ohio, because what we really want to

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Speaker 1: do with these two episodes is try to educate ourselves

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Speaker 1: and hopefully educate you listeners about some of the things

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Speaker 1: that aren't talked about so much in terms of maybe

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Speaker 1: the history of rape laws, and uh, the statistics of

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Speaker 1: really who this is happening too? And first off, for

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Speaker 1: this episode, we want to talk about rape and sexual assault.

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Speaker 1: Why we keep using those two terms and what those

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Speaker 1: terms actually mean? What do we mean Caroline when we

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Speaker 1: are talking about rape and sexual assault? And this is

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Speaker 1: coming from the Bureau of Justice statistics. And so sexual

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Speaker 1: assault is an umbrella term for quote, a wide range

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Speaker 1: of victimizations, so from rape or attempted rape. Um, it's

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Speaker 1: attacks or attempted attacks generally involving unwanted sexual contact between

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Speaker 1: a victim and an offender. And verbal attacks can also

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Speaker 1: constitute sexual assault. So this is why in the last

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Speaker 1: episode and in this episode you hear us say rape

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Speaker 1: and sexual assault, right, and not only verbal but visual

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Speaker 1: as well. Um, people who are flashers exhibitionism is a

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Speaker 1: form of sexual assault. So what else falls under this umbrella?

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Speaker 1: We have inappropriate touching, any type of vaginal, anal, or

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Speaker 1: oral penetration, any sexual intercourse to which you say no,

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Speaker 1: and that includes rape and attempted rape. Child molestation also

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Speaker 1: falls under sexual assault. And specifically, then what rape means

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Speaker 1: is a force sexual intercourse, including both psychological coercion as

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Speaker 1: well as physical force, and for sexual intercourse means vaginal, anal,

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Speaker 1: or oral penetration by the offender. But that psychological aspect

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Speaker 1: is important as well, because um as we talked about

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Speaker 1: in our last episode, looking more at the history of

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Speaker 1: rape and rape laws, there was this movement away slowly, slowly, slowly,

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Speaker 1: away from having the burden on the victim of having

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Speaker 1: to prove that they tried with all of their might

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Speaker 1: to get away from the offender. But there are actually

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Speaker 1: a lot of psychological issues that can go with us

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Speaker 1: as well. Sometimes victims might not try to fight their

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Speaker 1: way out because they might be physically in danger if

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Speaker 1: they do. So, it's important to realize that there is

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Speaker 1: a lot of nuance within these kinds of terms. But

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Speaker 1: over its slate, Brian Palmer talks about how the legal

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Speaker 1: definition does vary state by state because in the United

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Speaker 1: States we have these these overarching federal laws, so that's

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Speaker 1: why we cited the Bureau of Justice to a sticks,

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Speaker 1: but within each state, the definition of sexual assault and

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Speaker 1: rape can change. So in New Jersey, for instance, sexual

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Speaker 1: assault is synonymous with rape, whereas in Pennsylvania, rape requires

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Speaker 1: the use or threat of force, whereas sexual assault refers

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Speaker 1: to any act of intercourse without consent. And side note,

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Speaker 1: sexual assault didn't become a legal term until the nineteen

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Speaker 1: sixties as part of the feminism fueled reform movement that

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Speaker 1: we talked about in our last episode, and at that time,

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Speaker 1: actually some of these reformers wanted to remove the term

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Speaker 1: rape altogether because of its connotation as a crime of

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Speaker 1: passion rather than being a violent offense. That's something that

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Speaker 1: we also see with the within the history of rape

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Speaker 1: is how it has been slowly reframed as not a

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Speaker 1: crime of dishonor against a woman in her family, but

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Speaker 1: as a physical assault. As it is so when we

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Speaker 1: take a look at who the victims of rape and

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Speaker 1: sexual assault are in our country, it is a very

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Speaker 1: broad demographic um. These statistics, by the way, are coming

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Speaker 1: from RAIN, the Rape Abused in Incest National Network and

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Speaker 1: the Bureau of Justice statistics, which we've already cided. According

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Speaker 1: to the U. S Department of Justice National Crime Victimization Survey,

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Speaker 1: there are two hundred thirty seven thousand, eight hundred and

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Speaker 1: sixty eight victims over the age of twelve every year.

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Speaker 1: Now that said, the annual rate of female rape or

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Speaker 1: sexual assault has declined fifty eight percent from two thousand

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Speaker 1: and ten, from five victimizations per one thousand women to

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Speaker 1: two point one per one thousands. So that's good news.

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Speaker 1: It's great that the that the rate has declined, but

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Speaker 1: at the same time, actual numbers could be higher. The

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Speaker 1: Center for Disease Control and Prevention inducted the National Intimate

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Speaker 1: Partner Violence and Sexual Violence Survey and counted one point

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Speaker 1: two million victims of rape and attempted rape in two

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Speaker 1: thousand and ten alone. So this is something that a

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Speaker 1: lot of public health advocates and groups have been looking

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Speaker 1: at in terms of documenting and counting rape and sexual assault, because,

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Speaker 1: as we'll talk about, it's highly underreported, but even when

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Speaker 1: it is reported, the way that information is gathered as

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Speaker 1: often highly flawed. Just adding to all of these problems

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Speaker 1: that we have with rape and sexual assault, well, sure,

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Speaker 1: because you already sided the fact that states have different

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Speaker 1: definitions of rape and sexual assault. You add to that

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Speaker 1: the psychological damage of feeling shamed and embarrassed, whether you're

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Speaker 1: male or female, if you've been assaulted. Well, and also

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Speaker 1: add to that too, where what is often not talked

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Speaker 1: about is how this is not often an issue of

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Speaker 1: stranger danger, it's an intimate partner, it's an acquaintance, it's

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Speaker 1: a family member, and so yeah, there might be more

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Speaker 1: hesitation with reporting something like that. Absolutely, And in our country,

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Speaker 1: one in six women has been the victim of attempted

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Speaker 1: or completed rape. And indeed women make up the majority

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Speaker 1: of rape and sexual assault victims, nine out of ten

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Speaker 1: in fact. Yeah, but that's not to say, obviously that

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Speaker 1: men can't be the victims of rape. Around three percent

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Speaker 1: of American men, or one in thirty three. It's estimated

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Speaker 1: that three percent of men, or one and thirty three

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Speaker 1: have experienced attempted or completed rape, and and that adds

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Speaker 1: up to two point seven eight million men in the

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Speaker 1: United States, which is why it is important that they

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Speaker 1: are not left out of this conversation either. Absolutely, and

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Speaker 1: looking at children, fifteen percent of sexual assault and rape

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Speaker 1: victims are under twelve years old. Percent of juvenile victims

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Speaker 1: know they're assailant, three four of them knew them well.

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Speaker 1: And children are most vulnerable to sexual assault between mean

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Speaker 1: the ages of seven and thirteen. And not surprisingly, the

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Speaker 1: effects of sexual assault are wide ranging and they're they're

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Speaker 1: very damaging as well. This is also coming from rain UM.

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Speaker 1: Sexual assault is linked to things like postraumatic stress disorder,

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Speaker 1: substance abuse, self harm, depression, sleep disorders, eating disorders, dissociative

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Speaker 1: identity disorder, and so forth. And rape victims are six

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Speaker 1: times more likely than average to experience PTSD, they are

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Speaker 1: thirteen times more likely to abuse alcohol, twenty six times

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Speaker 1: more likely to abuse drugs, and three times more likely

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Speaker 1: than average to suffer depression. And I mean, and it

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Speaker 1: makes sense when you think about it because of the

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Speaker 1: very nature of this crime, in terms of how violating

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Speaker 1: it is, how personal it is, and also within the

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Speaker 1: context of a society that US often blames the victim,

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Speaker 1: often us what they could have done to stop it

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Speaker 1: or prevent it, and the answer is nothing, um. And

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Speaker 1: it just it's so compounded. And we already in the

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Speaker 1: United States have such a hard time talking about sex

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Speaker 1: and sexuality to begin with, that if we look at

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Speaker 1: it in a criminal sense like this, it becomes even

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Speaker 1: more shadowed. Um. And when we talk about the perpetrators,

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Speaker 1: I feel like it's often portrayed as some kind of

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Speaker 1: stranger danger, but a lot of times it's not strangers

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Speaker 1: who are the offenders. Um. The average rapist in fact

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Speaker 1: is thirty one years old and white, and a majority

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Speaker 1: involves someone the victim knows. Yeah, And based on data,

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Speaker 1: between of sexual violence was committed by someone the victim

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Speaker 1: knew by an intimate partner, six percent by a family

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Speaker 1: member was committed by strangers, and between two thousand five

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Speaker 1: and alone, eleven of rape and sexual assault cases involved

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Speaker 1: a weapon. Yeah. And and this is also not to

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Speaker 1: to say that everyone needs to be terrified of their

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Speaker 1: families and intimate partners, but that, hey, we need to

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Speaker 1: flip the script on how we talk about this and

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Speaker 1: how we talk to girls about quote unquote preventing sexual

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Speaker 1: assault and rate, because this is not happening from them

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Speaker 1: leaving their homes and putting themselves in danger of people

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Speaker 1: who don't know them doing bad things to them. But

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Speaker 1: rather the question is what is going on in our homes? Um.

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Speaker 1: But when it comes to that stranger factor, it does

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Speaker 1: come a lot more into play. In the nation's most

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Speaker 1: at risk population of sexual assault, which is Native American women.

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Speaker 1: The rate of assaults committed by strangers is forty one

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Speaker 1: per cent among Native American women, and among those women

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Speaker 1: to the rate of sexual assault is higher than for

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Speaker 1: any other group. Of women in the United States. Right,

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Speaker 1: according to the Justice Department, one in three American Indian

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Speaker 1: women have been raped or experienced attempted rape. There twice

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Speaker 1: as likely as all other races in our country. And

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Speaker 1: there was a New York Times article looking at this

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Speaker 1: incredibly horrific. Not I was gonna say trend, but it's

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Speaker 1: so much more of a culturally ingrained issue that this

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Speaker 1: culture has to deal with. These cultures have to deal with,

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Speaker 1: And they quoted so many women who just say, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's not an issue of if, but when um alcohol

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Speaker 1: is typically involved, it is typically fueled by alcohol. And

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Speaker 1: according to one woman, you know, she she says, I'm

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Speaker 1: tired of women coming into my clinic and saying I

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Speaker 1: need Plan B emergency contraception for when my daughter gets raped. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean cansidering that the rate of sexual violence in

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Speaker 1: rural Alaskan villages it's twelve times the national rate, and

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Speaker 1: in South Dakota, where Native Americans make up ten percent

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Speaker 1: of the population, they account for forty percent of sexual

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Speaker 1: assault victims. When you hear statistics like that, yeah, there's

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Speaker 1: absolutely a problem. That is like the understatement of the

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Speaker 1: year to even just call it a problem and echoing

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Speaker 1: that South Dakota statistic. In Alaska, Native Americans make up

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Speaker 1: fifteen percent of the state's population but sixty one percent

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Speaker 1: of its sexual assault victims. Yeah, and and the reasons

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Speaker 1: sided um include not just the alcohol factor that you mentioned, Caroline,

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Speaker 1: but also the breakdowns of family structure probably linked to alcohol,

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Speaker 1: lack of discussion about sexual violence, where it's just treated

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Speaker 1: as something that will happen, right, and I mean nationwide,

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Speaker 1: and arrest is made in just thirteen percent of sexual

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Speaker 1: assaults reported by Native American I mean, to the point

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Speaker 1: where people in positions of authority are basically telling these

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Speaker 1: women just don't don't do it, because they're saying that

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Speaker 1: it's almost even more heartbreaking for these victims to come

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Speaker 1: forward and try to prosecute and then have charges be

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Speaker 1: dropped or have the man get acquitted, then it would

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Speaker 1: be to just try to recover. And there are also

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Speaker 1: these geographical challenges of a lot of these crimes happening

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Speaker 1: in more remote areas where if something happens, you can't

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Speaker 1: just pick up a telephone and expect a cop to

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Speaker 1: be at your house in a few minutes. You know,

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Speaker 1: that's that's not going to happen in a rural Alaskan village,

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Speaker 1: for instance. And speaking of laws, a lot of times

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Speaker 1: on reservations, law enforcement is pretty scant, and then you

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Speaker 1: also deal in terms of prosecution. You have to deal

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Speaker 1: with tribal laws versus US laws. That's why some people

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Speaker 1: have said that the stranger rate happens so much more

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Speaker 1: commonly on Native American reservations because it is possible to

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Speaker 1: face fewer penalties because of the mismatch between what protection

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Speaker 1: the US federal government will afford you and how that

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Speaker 1: aligns with legal protection under tribal law. Um. And there

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Speaker 1: have been some movements to improve the kinds of legal

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Speaker 1: rights that women have, and I think that last time

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Speaker 1: I checked, a lot of those bills were being struck

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Speaker 1: down in Congress because a lot of times those rights

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Speaker 1: are being packaged up with other types of rights for say,

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Speaker 1: undocumented immigrants, trans people, groups that not all of our

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Speaker 1: politicians want to align themselves with right and I mean

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Speaker 1: taking that and speaking about at risk populations to which

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Speaker 1: perhaps our politicians are not all that sensitive, we moved

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Speaker 1: to looking at our military. This has also been in

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Speaker 1: the news quite a bit recently. And when I say

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Speaker 1: speaking of politicians. I want to quote Senator Saxby Shambles

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Speaker 1: from here in Georgia. He's a Republican who during a

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Speaker 1: Senate Arm Services Committee meetings, said that the hormone level

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Speaker 1: created by nature sets in place the possibility for these

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Speaker 1: types of things to occur. So basically saying that by

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Speaker 1: virtue of having women in the military, that we're simply

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Speaker 1: establishing an atmosphere in which rape will happen because men

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Speaker 1: will be men, right, and we want a horrifying thing

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Speaker 1: for a guy to say about other guys. It blows

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Speaker 1: my mind. Well, yeah, And so looking at the rate

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Speaker 1: of sexual assault in the military, reports of these assaults

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Speaker 1: spiked forty six over the past year from two thousand,

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Speaker 1: four hundred and thirty four to three thousand, five hundred

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Speaker 1: and fifty three, and about of victims one study one

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Speaker 1: similar studies said that the offender was a ranking officer. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and and that uptick might be due to more awareness

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Speaker 1: of sexual assault within the military. This was actually something

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Speaker 1: that some listeners wrote into us about when we did

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Speaker 1: an episode a while ago on women in combat in

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Speaker 1: the military. Opening up previously excluded positions to women saying hey, guys,

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Speaker 1: y'all are celebrating women in the military and you're not

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Speaker 1: talking about sexual assault. Um. And it's true that this

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Speaker 1: has been something that along with the progress of UH

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Speaker 1: gender equality in terms of what women are allowed and

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Speaker 1: not allowed to do in the military, there has been

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Speaker 1: more reporting of sexual assault. UM. And here's the thing though,

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Speaker 1: it's again not just female soldiers who are at risk.

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Speaker 1: Fifty three cent of reported unwanted sexual contact tracked by

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Speaker 1: the Pentagon were perpetrated by men on men, right. And

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Speaker 1: in these cases a lot of times it's reported that

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Speaker 1: it's more torture motivated that rape. I mean, this is

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Speaker 1: also a conversation that's been happening for years and years

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Speaker 1: and years that rape is not, as we said, a

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Speaker 1: crime of passion, a crime of lust and love. It

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Speaker 1: is a power issue. Yeah, as is often seen in

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Speaker 1: the military. These men aren't being basically sodomized in their

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Speaker 1: bunks because their peers are so attracted to them. This

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Speaker 1: is an issue of hazing, torture power. And it's not

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Speaker 1: that much different for the women, the active duty women

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Speaker 1: in the military who are suffering rape and sexual assault.

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Speaker 1: Because there was one instance where, um, a woman was

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Speaker 1: the victim of rape and basically her supervisors said that

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Speaker 1: she was being punished because she were running shorts and

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Speaker 1: makeup and Caroline. The fact that we are mentioning the

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Speaker 1: military power, dynamics and rape, it just reminds me that

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Speaker 1: we didn't even touch on in our last episode on

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Speaker 1: looking at a history of rape on how it has

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Speaker 1: been used systematically as a weapon of war. Um. But

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Speaker 1: when we look back at the current issue of sexual

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Speaker 1: assault within the U. S Military, as it is among

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Speaker 1: the civilian population, it is vastly under reported. It's estimated

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Speaker 1: that seventy five and seventy six percent of military women

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Speaker 1: and men, respectively did not report their attacks. It is

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Speaker 1: estimated right, and the Pentagon estimates that of sexual assault

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Speaker 1: crimes overall go unreported. And this goes back to the

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Speaker 1: fact that we sited earlier that about of victims said

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Speaker 1: that their perpetrator was a ranking officer. So who do

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Speaker 1: you who do you go to if you want to

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Speaker 1: continue your career in the military. And because of these factors,

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Speaker 1: military sexual trauma is a primary source of PTSD for

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Speaker 1: female soldiers, whereas for male soldiers, the number one cause

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Speaker 1: of PTSD related to the mility erry is combat of

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Speaker 1: actually it's the violence that's happening on the field, whereas

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Speaker 1: for these women it's the violence happening in their barracks. Um.

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Speaker 1: But we should say, though you mentioned senators Chamblists from Georgia,

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Speaker 1: Senator Cureson Jilabrand has been instrumental in really leading the

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Speaker 1: charge in Congress to raise awareness of this issue. And

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Speaker 1: also she's i know, authoring a bill that I think

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Speaker 1: that the vote at least as of this recording, has

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Speaker 1: been stalled at the moment. But it's a bill to

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Speaker 1: change how sexual assault is reported within the military so

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Speaker 1: that the victim would not have to report to say

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Speaker 1: a ranking officer, that there would be a more objective

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Speaker 1: group that would not only process these reports but also

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Speaker 1: deal with the hearings. Because that's been another problem where

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Speaker 1: you know, how can you it's like trying It's like

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Speaker 1: in the workplace, if your your boss is, you know,

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Speaker 1: sexually harassing you and then you have to report it

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Speaker 1: to him or her, how's that going to happen? Right? Exactly? So,

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Speaker 1: getting more into the breakdown of under reporting, the issue

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Speaker 1: of under reporting, an average of sixty percent of assaults

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Speaker 1: in the past five years were not reported to police

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Speaker 1: of the forty a hundred that do ten lead to

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Speaker 1: an arrest, of which four only four will lead to

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Speaker 1: a felony conviction. And when you think about that trickle

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Speaker 1: down of how often this crime is happening and to

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Speaker 1: how often offenders are actually punished and put behind bars,

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Speaker 1: if you compare that to the hue and cry we

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Speaker 1: often hear in rape cases of people saying, oh, well,

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Speaker 1: can we really trust her? Women are always crying rape

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Speaker 1: and you know, always blaming some person for something that

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Speaker 1: she just didn't want to happen. Where when when we're

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Speaker 1: actually reporting, when we're actually even reporting sexual assault, the

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Speaker 1: process has so many there's so many holes in that pipeline.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's not like hordes of men are just

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Speaker 1: being you know, shepherded into prisons, because women are just

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Speaker 1: constantly stepping forward. And according to data from the Bureau

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Speaker 1: of Justice Statistics from two thousand five to police took

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Speaker 1: a report for eighties six percent of reported victimizations. They

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Speaker 1: went on to conduct a search for the offender or

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Speaker 1: question witnesses for forty eight percent of those cases, and

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Speaker 1: only twelve percent overall resulted in an arrest, which how

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Speaker 1: I mean, just how discouraging. Those numbers themselves are discouraging

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Speaker 1: to hear, but to actually be living it, I can't

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Speaker 1: imagine the feeling of helplessness. Well, one of the newest

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Speaker 1: wrinkles in this whole conversation about sexual assault in the

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Speaker 1: United States, there was a comprehensive study from the National

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Speaker 1: Research Council that was released recently which found that sexual

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Speaker 1: assault is vastly not just underreported, but also misreported because

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Speaker 1: of the way that the information is initially gathered, and

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Speaker 1: so they they're recommending things like new approaches to interviews

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Speaker 1: with victims, changing the wording of questions and refocusing away

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Speaker 1: from criminal aspects. And a big push for changes like

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Speaker 1: that is to shift the focus away from victim blaming

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Speaker 1: to actually shifting it to the alleged perpetrators. Yeah, because

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Speaker 1: part of that huge under reporting issue is just that

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Speaker 1: a lot of victims out there feel that they are

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Speaker 1: responsible for their own attack, that they didn't do enough,

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Speaker 1: they should have done something different. Why was I wearing that?

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Speaker 1: Why were you wearing that that kind of stuff? Why

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Speaker 1: were you there? How how late was it? Had you

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Speaker 1: been drinking? How well did you know this person? And

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Speaker 1: it's questions like that that the police might be asking

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Speaker 1: someone who calls them after something happens, and it's like

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Speaker 1: once you get those wheels spinning, that all of a sudden,

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Speaker 1: you do whether whether the police are meaning to or not,

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Speaker 1: it might shift that that person that that victims mindset

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Speaker 1: away from the other per the offender to themselves. It's

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Speaker 1: like they're almost internalizing that victim blaming, which is part

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Speaker 1: of why we wanted to do this two part series

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Speaker 1: because we're talking about all of these depressing statistics because

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Speaker 1: if we don't talk about it, if we don't educate

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Speaker 1: ourselves about it, if we don't really take a moment

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Speaker 1: and face these kinds of statistics, then the situation is

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Speaker 1: not going to change. We're not going to change this

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Speaker 1: culture that we live in if if we don't empower

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Speaker 1: ourselves with knowledge, right, and I mean a huge part

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Speaker 1: of that is from our first episode talking about rape culture.

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Speaker 1: As long as people continue to see it as women's

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Speaker 1: fault or the victim's fault, whoever the victim is, then

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Speaker 1: you know, we're we're never going to get all of

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Speaker 1: our vulnerable people coming forward to get the help they need. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and then if you don't have the reporting, then you

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Speaker 1: have a whole domino effect of things happening. For instance,

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Speaker 1: the National Research Council stresses how important fixing that misreporting

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Speaker 1: and under reporting is to quote understanding the frequency in

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Speaker 1: context under which rape and sexual assault is committed, which

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Speaker 1: is vital to directing law enforcement and victims support resources

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Speaker 1: right and speaking of victims support resources, there are a

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Speaker 1: lot out there UM. For more information about sexual assault,

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Speaker 1: you can go to Women's Health dot gov. You can

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Speaker 1: call them at eight hundred six two, or contact many

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Speaker 1: other organizations out there who are there to help victims,

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Speaker 1: groups like Love Is Respect dot org, National Center for

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Speaker 1: Victims of Crime, and the National Crime Prevention Council. And

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Speaker 1: one thing that is repeated often by groups such as

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Speaker 1: the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network is that rape

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Speaker 1: and sexual assault are never the victim's fault, no matter

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Speaker 1: where or how it happens. And we haven't talked much

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Speaker 1: about alcohol UM that is often present in rape and

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Speaker 1: sexual assault that is reported UM. But legally speaking, if

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Speaker 1: you are intoxicated, you can't consent, and that's black and white.

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Speaker 1: There are blurred lines in these scenarios and it's all

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Speaker 1: so why sex head in the United States also needs

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Speaker 1: to be reformed to include comprehensive information on what consent

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Speaker 1: actually means, that yes means yes and no means no.

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Speaker 1: And guess what, you can say no at any point

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Speaker 1: you can. It doesn't matter what level of undress you

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Speaker 1: are in, how well you know the person, what you

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Speaker 1: have done in the past. At the moment that you

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Speaker 1: say no, that's it. But if we can underscore anything

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Speaker 1: in this episode, Caroline, I think it would be that

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Speaker 1: we have got to stop the victim blaming. We have

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Speaker 1: to stop telling women to dress differently, to drink differently,

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Speaker 1: to interact differently, to in other words, stop asking for it,

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Speaker 1: because that's not the problem. Absolutely. I think it goes

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Speaker 1: back to the idea that women, or whoever the victim

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Speaker 1: is is somehow property is less than human, is less

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Speaker 1: deserving of safety, respect, dignity. The fact that you, the rapist,

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Speaker 1: feels that you can take something from someone for nothing

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Speaker 1: and get away with it. And it's because it is

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Speaker 1: partially because of of miseducation about things like agency and

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Speaker 1: consent and that yes means yes and no means no.

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Speaker 1: And that goes for whether you are male, female, trans, whomever,

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Speaker 1: because it doesn't matter what gender you identify with what

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Speaker 1: your body looks like. We should all have the dignity

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Speaker 1: of having agency and sovereignty over our own bodies. Absolutely well.

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Speaker 1: We we certainly hope that we have achieved our goal

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Speaker 1: of adding to the discourse and educating our listeners. We

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Speaker 1: hope that you were able to take something away, maybe

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Speaker 1: a different perspective, maybe some facts that you didn't know. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and and again it would be im possible to talk

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Speaker 1: about in detail every single aspect of this huge topic,

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Speaker 1: even in two podcasts, um, but we hope that we

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Speaker 1: highlighted some things that maybe aren't talked about as often.

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Speaker 1: So this is when we want to hear from you,

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Speaker 1: and we really do want to hear from you, because again,

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Speaker 1: I know, this is not the funnest topic. It is not.

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Speaker 1: It is no Bobbypin podcast, Caroline. No, it's not easy

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Speaker 1: to talk about and I think, I mean, that's that's

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Speaker 1: why more people don't talk about it and don't educate themselves,

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Speaker 1: because it is so ugly and so hard to discuss,

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Speaker 1: you know, especially if you're you know, someone like a

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Speaker 1: teenager who doesn't want to talk to your mom for instance,

433
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:48,360
Speaker 1: Like you know, it's it's something that more people need

434
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:51,840
Speaker 1: to be educated about and and not be so afraid

435
00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:54,120
Speaker 1: to discuss. Yeah. I mean I can speak from personal

436
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:57,760
Speaker 1: experience and tell you that when I was in high school,

437
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,400
Speaker 1: I was not aware of these issues of consent. I

438
00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:04,160
Speaker 1: didn't know what that really meant. I didn't you know,

439
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:11,360
Speaker 1: we we don't teach kids enough about how like precious

440
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:13,720
Speaker 1: their own bodies are, right. And I don't think the

441
00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:16,600
Speaker 1: answer is to say that, you know, when you go

442
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 1: to college, you just remember them men are scary. That's

443
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:22,480
Speaker 1: not the answer. It's not to make anyone afraid of

444
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:25,680
Speaker 1: anyone around them. You know. If if anything, if we're

445
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 1: gonna lecture our kids about anything, it just needs to

446
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:33,320
Speaker 1: be about being aware, protect yourself, you know, just kind

447
00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:38,960
Speaker 1: of common sense safety, but also educating all different types

448
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 1: of children, children, children, not teens, about consent, making sure

449
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:47,920
Speaker 1: that they understand the concept, because you can't just teach

450
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:53,240
Speaker 1: girls about that, right and UM, Hopefully this is one

451
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:57,280
Speaker 1: conversation that can help make it a more welcoming and

452
00:29:57,440 --> 00:30:02,240
Speaker 1: safer atmosphere for people who have been victims of sexual

453
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:07,320
Speaker 1: assault and rape to report it, to tell somebody to

454
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:13,239
Speaker 1: find a resource, call a hotline, UM, because it's the

455
00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:17,760
Speaker 1: first step that you can take UM so again if

456
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:20,479
Speaker 1: you want to learn more about what you can do.

457
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:23,920
Speaker 1: If UM you have been a victim of sexual assault

458
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:26,920
Speaker 1: or rape, or if you know someone who has been,

459
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,760
Speaker 1: you can go to Lover's Respect dot org. You can

460
00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 1: look at the National Center for Victims of Crime. You

461
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 1: can also look at rain dot org. That's the Rape,

462
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:39,440
Speaker 1: Abuse and Incest National Network. UM. They all have websites

463
00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 1: with lots of information and numbers to call. So email

464
00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:46,520
Speaker 1: us mom Stuff at discovery dot com. You can tweet

465
00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:49,320
Speaker 1: us at mom Stuff Podcasts, and also find us on

466
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:51,840
Speaker 1: Facebook because we want to hear from you as well

467
00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:55,080
Speaker 1: and start a discussion about these very important topics. And

468
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:57,120
Speaker 1: we're going to share a couple of letters that we

469
00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 1: have gotten from you in the past when we come

470
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:05,800
Speaker 1: right back from quick break and now back to our letters. Well, Caroline,

471
00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:09,280
Speaker 1: I've got a quick Facebook message here from Rochelle who

472
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:12,280
Speaker 1: says I just listened to the do Women Apologize More

473
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 1: Than Men? Podcast? I was wondering if you think the

474
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:18,120
Speaker 1: University of Waterloo study that says men and women apologize

475
00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:22,479
Speaker 1: equally is more reflective of Canadian culture rather than an

476
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:27,040
Speaker 1: observation about gender behavior overall. It's just an anecdotal observation.

477
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:29,880
Speaker 1: But I've lived in Ireland, Australia, in Canada, and then

478
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:35,280
Speaker 1: men in Canada more noticeably apologize than anywhere else. Just

479
00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 1: a thought, love the podcast. Let's call Ryan Reynolds and

480
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 1: find out what Canadians do? Is he Canadian? And so

481
00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:46,200
Speaker 1: is Ryan Gosling? Right, Oh, I'll call it. Let's call

482
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:49,240
Speaker 1: the Ryan. I don't mind, but yeah, I I do,

483
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:51,880
Speaker 1: though I am seriously I I'm sure that there is

484
00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:54,240
Speaker 1: a cultural factor to that, because I believe it was.

485
00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:57,240
Speaker 1: Japan was pointed out in some of our research as

486
00:31:57,320 --> 00:32:01,200
Speaker 1: being a very pro apology kind end of culture, whereas

487
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:04,440
Speaker 1: if you go other places, um, people are less up.

488
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:08,400
Speaker 1: They just hit you in the face exactly. So thanks

489
00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 1: Rochelle for that Facebook message. So I am super happy

490
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:19,120
Speaker 1: to read this next email from a Lovely listener who

491
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 1: confirmed something for me from our Thanksgiving episode. She said,

492
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:29,920
Speaker 1: I couldn't resist answering your question that yes, tomato aspect

493
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:32,480
Speaker 1: on Thanksgiving is a thing, But what you didn't say

494
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 1: was whether it's pronounced to mata like my mother says it,

495
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:39,640
Speaker 1: because that's a Virginia pronunciation. So through the rest of

496
00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:42,640
Speaker 1: this email, I shall pronounce it in the correct Virginia

497
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:46,920
Speaker 1: fashion to mata. All right, here we go, she said.

498
00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:49,840
Speaker 1: When I was growing up, my grandmother always hosted a

499
00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:53,360
Speaker 1: large family Thanksgiving meal, also in Virginia. She'd stay up

500
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:55,360
Speaker 1: until two or three in the morning every year, cooking

501
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:58,400
Speaker 1: and preparing for the big feast. Roast, turkey, my great

502
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:02,720
Speaker 1: grandmother's roles, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes,

503
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:08,160
Speaker 1: several kinds of pie, and alas tomata aspects served on

504
00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:10,360
Speaker 1: a bed of lettuce. That's how we do it too,

505
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 1: As Southern manners dictated. We had to try a little

506
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:16,960
Speaker 1: of everything, but we also had to clean our plates

507
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:19,640
Speaker 1: so there was no way of picking around it. I

508
00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:23,600
Speaker 1: can this is so gross, she says. I can still

509
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:27,480
Speaker 1: remember the slick shine of that ikey tomato jello on

510
00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 1: my plate and the cold tomato we taste in my mouth.

511
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:34,800
Speaker 1: When all the grandkids grew up and disperse and Thanksgiving

512
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:38,600
Speaker 1: grew smaller and smaller, the tomata aspect eventually disappeared. As

513
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:41,680
Speaker 1: much as I absolutely hated that dish, I would give

514
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:45,520
Speaker 1: anything to have another one of those large family thanksgivings

515
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:48,880
Speaker 1: with my grandmother even if it meant the tomato aspect.

516
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:53,600
Speaker 1: So thank you so much for confirming that we are

517
00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:57,760
Speaker 1: not the only family in America who has that disgusting

518
00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:02,240
Speaker 1: tomato jello at Thanksgiving to I appreciate it, and thanks

519
00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 1: to everyone who's written in. Mom Stuff at Discovery dot

520
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:07,400
Speaker 1: com is our email address or you can send your letters.

521
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:10,560
Speaker 1: You can also message us on Facebook or tweet us

522
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:13,319
Speaker 1: at mom Stuff podcast, and if you want to keep

523
00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:15,040
Speaker 1: up with us during the week, you can find us

524
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 1: on Tumbler at stuff mom Never Told You dot tumbler

525
00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:21,120
Speaker 1: dot com, as well as Instagram at stuff Mom Never

526
00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 1: Told You, And of course you can also find us

527
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:27,879
Speaker 1: on YouTube, where I recommend heading over to YouTube dot

528
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:31,880
Speaker 1: com slash stuff Mom Never Told You and watching the

529
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:35,720
Speaker 1: video see is for Consent. If you want more info

530
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:39,320
Speaker 1: on what consent really means, so head on over YouTube

531
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:42,319
Speaker 1: dot com slash stuff Mom Never Told You, and don't

532
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:48,319
Speaker 1: forget to subscribe for more on this and thousands of

533
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:59,360
Speaker 1: other topics. Is it how Stuff works dot com. Audible

534
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 1: dot com is a leading provider of downloadable digital audio

535
00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:06,280
Speaker 1: books and spoken word entertainment. Audible has over one hundred

536
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:08,759
Speaker 1: thousand titles to choose from to be downloaded to your

537
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Speaker 1: iPod or MP three player. Go to audible podcast dot

538
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:15,959
Speaker 1: com slash stuff mom to get a free audio book

539
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:19,239
Speaker 1: download of your choice when you sign up today. That's

540
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:22,879
Speaker 1: audible podcast dot com, slash stuff Mom