1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,400 Speaker 1: We're supposed to work like we don't have children and 2 00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:05,200 Speaker 1: parent like we don't have a job, and that can 3 00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:15,600 Speaker 1: really weigh on you. Hey, everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, 4 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:18,400 Speaker 1: the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to 5 00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:20,400 Speaker 1: each and every single one of you that come back 6 00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:24,360 Speaker 1: every week to listen, learn, and grow. Now, I'm really 7 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:26,599 Speaker 1: lucky in life to have a great group of friends. 8 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:29,800 Speaker 1: And these friends are just not doing everyday things. They're 9 00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:34,680 Speaker 1: doing incredible things and helping other people do that as well. Now, 10 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:36,720 Speaker 1: one of these friends is a guest I have on 11 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:39,000 Speaker 1: the show today. She has a new book out that 12 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,760 Speaker 1: I can't wait for you to hear about, and she 13 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:44,880 Speaker 1: is something exciting as well for you to discover when 14 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,440 Speaker 1: you pre order the book, So I want you to 15 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,640 Speaker 1: hang around for that as well. I'm excited. And remember 16 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,680 Speaker 1: I always talk about how pre orders really help authors. 17 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:55,040 Speaker 1: Orders really help authors, and as an author myself, I 18 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:59,000 Speaker 1: know how much hours and time and energy goes into 19 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,640 Speaker 1: writing a books. When one of my friends puts in 20 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:04,200 Speaker 1: that energy, puts in that effort, I love to support 21 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,880 Speaker 1: them with all my heart and all my joy, and 22 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:09,840 Speaker 1: I love that our community does the same. But today's 23 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:13,200 Speaker 1: guest is none other than Jenna Kutcher born and raised 24 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:17,960 Speaker 1: in Minnesota, wife, mother, and entrepreneur who aims for two 25 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:22,080 Speaker 1: things daily, helping others wake up to life and staying 26 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:25,480 Speaker 1: in comfy pants. Creator and host of the top rated 27 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:29,839 Speaker 1: gold Digger podcast, She's helped thousands redefine success and chase 28 00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:33,800 Speaker 1: bold dreams through her decade long work as a leading 29 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:39,240 Speaker 1: online personality and educator. Welcome to the show, Jenna Kutcher, 30 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,760 Speaker 1: and today we're talking about her new book, How are 31 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:47,560 Speaker 1: you really? Jenna? Thank you for being here. Oh my gosh, Jay, 32 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:51,040 Speaker 1: this genuinely feels like such a dream come true. I'm 33 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:53,400 Speaker 1: getting so many brownie points in my mom's world for 34 00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:56,280 Speaker 1: being with you today. But thank you for having me. 35 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,920 Speaker 1: This is such a dream. Well, no, we became friends, 36 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:01,040 Speaker 1: I think now it's like three years ago. I think 37 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,640 Speaker 1: when we're in Portant we go together, want to me 38 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:06,080 Speaker 1: with your beautiful family as well, and then we hung 39 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:08,280 Speaker 1: out in Napa more recently, and I know you and 40 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:12,120 Speaker 1: rather you have been connecting and collaborating and so I 41 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:15,079 Speaker 1: was so happy to do this with you. Honestly, it's 42 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:19,160 Speaker 1: it's my greatest joy to you know, just see friends 43 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:21,840 Speaker 1: do incredible things and support them, and I think that 44 00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,200 Speaker 1: all of us are really looking for that. I was 45 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:28,920 Speaker 1: saying to my team today that I really love doing 46 00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:32,680 Speaker 1: what I do, but what I'm excited about is having 47 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:36,120 Speaker 1: history with people. So I love the idea. One of 48 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:38,840 Speaker 1: my greatest values is when I'm fifty and then when 49 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:41,520 Speaker 1: I'm seventy five, It's like, I want to look back 50 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:45,600 Speaker 1: and I want someone to look back with. And that's 51 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,680 Speaker 1: why I think friendships are so important to me too, 52 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:51,400 Speaker 1: because when you can look back at twenty thirty, forty 53 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:54,120 Speaker 1: fifty years with the same people and say, look what 54 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:55,960 Speaker 1: we did, that's what we did, and that's what we 55 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:58,720 Speaker 1: did together. You know, I really appreciate that. So thank 56 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:02,240 Speaker 1: you for giving me this opportunity. But the title of 57 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:06,480 Speaker 1: your book is how are you really? And I love 58 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:11,120 Speaker 1: that you, you know, very much emphasize the importance of 59 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:15,000 Speaker 1: that question and the depth of that question, because I 60 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,480 Speaker 1: think today we ask how are you? All the time? 61 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,640 Speaker 1: So I wanted to ask you to start off with 62 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,840 Speaker 1: then I'll answer the question too, to be honest and vulnerable, 63 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:27,440 Speaker 1: how are you really today in this moment, and then 64 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:29,000 Speaker 1: I'll have a go and telling you how I am 65 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:32,160 Speaker 1: really too. I can't wait you know, I didn't make 66 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,520 Speaker 1: a mistake, but when I named the book that I 67 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,320 Speaker 1: should have known that every time I talked to someone 68 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:41,200 Speaker 1: now they ask and I'm being called into honesty, which 69 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:43,920 Speaker 1: I think is so beautiful. And there is such a 70 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:47,280 Speaker 1: big differentiator between like how are you and it's like good, fine, busy, 71 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:50,200 Speaker 1: but like when you feel safe, especially when you're with 72 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:51,880 Speaker 1: someone that you love and you know, and they like 73 00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:53,960 Speaker 1: lean in and they're like, but how are you really, 74 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:57,560 Speaker 1: You're like okay. And I've been describing this season of 75 00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:59,760 Speaker 1: my life. So I have two little ones, very little. 76 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:02,600 Speaker 1: One is three, one is a few months old. And 77 00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:06,119 Speaker 1: I said, this season of life, I feel stretched, and 78 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:08,320 Speaker 1: I feel stretched in a beautiful way because I have 79 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:11,760 Speaker 1: so much love for being a mom. But I also 80 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:15,080 Speaker 1: have never loved my work more and it just sometimes 81 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,840 Speaker 1: feels like a lot of love to carry and it's 82 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:21,320 Speaker 1: like the fullness of it is never lost on me. 83 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:25,160 Speaker 1: And so we're in this season of like total sleep deprivation. 84 00:04:25,279 --> 00:04:28,279 Speaker 1: At home. My toddler recently started sleeping in a big 85 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:31,000 Speaker 1: girl bed. There are probably five times a night where 86 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:33,880 Speaker 1: there is a little one at my feet saying mommy, mommy, 87 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:37,520 Speaker 1: and I'm in this season where it's like this energy 88 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,960 Speaker 1: can only come from something other than myself, because I 89 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:45,839 Speaker 1: feel so electrically energized and excited about the work I'm doing, 90 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:48,440 Speaker 1: but also like the life I'm living offline. So to 91 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:51,479 Speaker 1: answer your question, it all feels heavy and full, but 92 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:57,280 Speaker 1: in the best way possible. Now, how are you really? Yeah? No, 93 00:04:57,440 --> 00:05:02,839 Speaker 1: thank you for that very full and you know, textured answer. 94 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:06,359 Speaker 1: I think one of the things I loved about what 95 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:09,840 Speaker 1: you said, and it's inspired my response as well, is 96 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:13,040 Speaker 1: you were saying that you're in a particular season, and 97 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,600 Speaker 1: I think that that is such a healthy way of 98 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:19,440 Speaker 1: thinking how you are. And I think often we do 99 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:23,800 Speaker 1: one of two things. We look at things too minutely, 100 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:25,960 Speaker 1: where it's like this is how I am right now, 101 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,760 Speaker 1: and that can feel like a lot of pressure because 102 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:33,000 Speaker 1: I could feel totally different within thirty seconds of drinking 103 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:35,760 Speaker 1: some water or going on a walk or looking outside 104 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:38,760 Speaker 1: the window. Or we sometimes say well, this is how 105 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:43,600 Speaker 1: the year's going, and that's sometimes scary as well, because 106 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,640 Speaker 1: it feels like we can't control anything until December thirty first, 107 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,720 Speaker 1: and we have to wait till jan first again. So 108 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:52,800 Speaker 1: I love that you use the word season, and I 109 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:54,960 Speaker 1: would say that I'm in the season right now, and 110 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,719 Speaker 1: I feel like I'm constantly in this season. I'm in 111 00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:01,560 Speaker 1: a season of like lots of growth, lots of being 112 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:05,200 Speaker 1: outside of my comfort zone. And I'm in a season 113 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:09,920 Speaker 1: also of I'm actually finishing writing my second book right now, 114 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:13,560 Speaker 1: so I'm in the process of completing a creative journey 115 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:17,440 Speaker 1: that takes everything out of me, and I'm about to 116 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:21,080 Speaker 1: open up to a new world of creativity because I'm 117 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,640 Speaker 1: now going to have that time and energy back to 118 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,520 Speaker 1: translate it in another direction. So I feel like I'm 119 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:30,320 Speaker 1: at this transition, and I find that transitions are always 120 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:34,600 Speaker 1: tiring and exhausting because you're about to complete, let go 121 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:37,520 Speaker 1: and sign off on something, and then you're thinking about 122 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:40,880 Speaker 1: what to do next, and that's always like that little 123 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:44,640 Speaker 1: moment of discomfort and unease that comes with that transition. 124 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:47,719 Speaker 1: So that's how I am really Oh my gosh, you know, 125 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,919 Speaker 1: it's interesting. There's so much that goes into writing a 126 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,960 Speaker 1: book that I think is surprising, and until you do 127 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:58,080 Speaker 1: the journey, you don't recognize that. And one thing that 128 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:01,000 Speaker 1: I think is fascinating that our friend Brendan Burchard actually 129 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,040 Speaker 1: told me that I thought was so beautiful is that 130 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:05,760 Speaker 1: when you're writing a book, it really does feel like 131 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:08,560 Speaker 1: your life's work, right, Like you pour your heart and 132 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:11,200 Speaker 1: your soul and your everything into it. He said something 133 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:13,600 Speaker 1: to me, and he said, you know, Jennet, this is 134 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,160 Speaker 1: not your life's work. This is an important piece of 135 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:19,120 Speaker 1: work in your life. And I thought, oh, that is 136 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:22,640 Speaker 1: so beautiful because it's so tempting to dive head first 137 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:24,560 Speaker 1: in and like kind of crawl out of the hole 138 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:26,760 Speaker 1: when you finally get there. So I thought that was 139 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,600 Speaker 1: such a good reminder for all of us who are 140 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:31,880 Speaker 1: working on projects or relationships or careers or whatever that 141 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:34,520 Speaker 1: might be, or your health of like, this isn't your 142 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:36,640 Speaker 1: life's work. It's just an important piece of work in 143 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:41,240 Speaker 1: your life. Yeah. Wow, that's such a refreshing perspective. And 144 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:45,920 Speaker 1: I love that little shift in mindset that changes it completely. 145 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,280 Speaker 1: But let's dive in. You know, both of us gave 146 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:53,240 Speaker 1: very I think honestances and vulnerablelnces, and you know, I 147 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:56,800 Speaker 1: think that it's probably taken us some time to get 148 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,280 Speaker 1: to be able to do that. And you talk about 149 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:02,160 Speaker 1: this in your book, the idea that some of us 150 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:07,200 Speaker 1: actually afraid to answer that question and acknowledge the problems 151 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:10,680 Speaker 1: and the challenges and the discomfort that comes with that question. 152 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,680 Speaker 1: So we often find it easier to say I'm fine, 153 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:17,440 Speaker 1: it's okay, you know, the usual, the same old, But 154 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:22,360 Speaker 1: you're actually saying that it's healthy to try and acknowledge, 155 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:28,200 Speaker 1: accept and go there. Why is it critical, necessary and 156 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:33,040 Speaker 1: integral for us to try and face the real answer 157 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:36,240 Speaker 1: to that question? Why is that so important? When I 158 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,760 Speaker 1: think about the question how are you? Really? A lot 159 00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:41,079 Speaker 1: of times people think about it in context of conversation 160 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:44,080 Speaker 1: with someone else, but really, when I think about it, 161 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:47,080 Speaker 1: it's about coming home to yourself. And we live in 162 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,760 Speaker 1: this culture where it's like we're constantly distracted. It's really 163 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,440 Speaker 1: easy for me as a mom to see it with children, 164 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:55,320 Speaker 1: where you're like, children don't know how to be bored anymore. 165 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,040 Speaker 1: They don't know how to be creative anymore. They're so 166 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,920 Speaker 1: used to being like pacified with screens. Are different things, 167 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,840 Speaker 1: And when I look at it through the lens of children, 168 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:07,320 Speaker 1: I suddenly see, oh wait, adults are like ten times worse. 169 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 1: We are the kind of people who bring our phones 170 00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:13,120 Speaker 1: to the restroom with us, Like we skip shavasana at 171 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,160 Speaker 1: the end of a yoga session because we don't believe 172 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:17,720 Speaker 1: we deserve the rest, Like there are so many ways 173 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:21,679 Speaker 1: that we avoid getting quiet with ourselves, and it's really 174 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:24,640 Speaker 1: easy to do because we are busier than ever, right, 175 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:26,880 Speaker 1: Like busy is the badge of honor. If you're busy, 176 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,280 Speaker 1: you must be doing well. And what I think is 177 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:32,840 Speaker 1: really fascinating about that is that we start to tune 178 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:35,880 Speaker 1: out like the whispers of like our own soul, like 179 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:40,320 Speaker 1: the divine pieces of ourselves that are guiding us, so 180 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:42,920 Speaker 1: that we listen to the noise of the world and 181 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:46,680 Speaker 1: it gets really uncomfortable and it gets really hard to discern, 182 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,880 Speaker 1: like what is my intuition, What is my soul telling me? 183 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,240 Speaker 1: What is the world telling me? And how do these 184 00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:55,480 Speaker 1: two coexist? And I think that in truth, you know, 185 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,040 Speaker 1: with the culture that we're in, they have to coexist. 186 00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:01,320 Speaker 1: But there's a difference between being the passenger on a 187 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,760 Speaker 1: journey and being in the driver's seat. And a lot 188 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:05,960 Speaker 1: of times the noise of the world is the driver's 189 00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:08,360 Speaker 1: seat for us, and our intuition might be that garment 190 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,600 Speaker 1: that hasn't been updated since twenty ten that's telling us 191 00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:16,120 Speaker 1: like redirect, redirect, redirect, And I feel like whenever I 192 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:18,600 Speaker 1: talk to people and they're going through a massive life change, 193 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:20,560 Speaker 1: whether it's a breakup or a career change or a 194 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,200 Speaker 1: health change. You asked them like did you have that 195 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:26,600 Speaker 1: inner knowing? Like did you have that ping? And a 196 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:29,160 Speaker 1: lot of times they'll say, yeah, I knew something was off, 197 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:30,840 Speaker 1: or I knew I needed a change, or I knew 198 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,440 Speaker 1: I was out of alignment, but I didn't listen. And 199 00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:35,760 Speaker 1: so this idea of like how are you really isn't 200 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:39,720 Speaker 1: necessarily just about in conversation. It's about how am I really? 201 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,840 Speaker 1: Am I faking that I'm enjoying my life? Am I 202 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:46,640 Speaker 1: putting on a public persona for the world online but 203 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:50,280 Speaker 1: offline I'm miserable? Am I really yearning for something different? 204 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:53,160 Speaker 1: And so it's really this invitation to get quiet with 205 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:56,760 Speaker 1: yourself and to learn how to invite in that margin 206 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:58,880 Speaker 1: in that time. And Jay, you are one of the 207 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:02,040 Speaker 1: best at helping people get to that place. I mean, 208 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:05,880 Speaker 1: your meditations have been this constant in my life because 209 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,480 Speaker 1: it's this invitation of getting quiet. And I don't know 210 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:11,559 Speaker 1: about you, but for a long time I've always just 211 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:14,600 Speaker 1: told myself, like, I can't meditate, my brain is too busy. 212 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:17,240 Speaker 1: I operated at a higher level all these things, but 213 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:19,560 Speaker 1: I had to train myself in how to do that, 214 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:21,760 Speaker 1: just as I had to train myself to run a 215 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,440 Speaker 1: race or to work as hard as I do. Yeah, 216 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,640 Speaker 1: I love I love what you spoke about there and 217 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:30,720 Speaker 1: how it's beyond the conversation but the idea of listening 218 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:34,720 Speaker 1: to our real selves and listening to that voice. And 219 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,200 Speaker 1: you're so right. I loved what you said about how 220 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:41,280 Speaker 1: we are constantly feeling or we say things like oh 221 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,920 Speaker 1: I wasn't aligned or I wasn't listening then, so that 222 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,960 Speaker 1: means we know it's there, but we keep trying to 223 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:51,319 Speaker 1: put it off, and it's almost like it's it's I mean, 224 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:54,520 Speaker 1: this is a very crude example, but it's just reality. 225 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:59,000 Speaker 1: I was having a bit of pain physically recently and 226 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,520 Speaker 1: it was recurring, like it just kept coming up and 227 00:12:01,559 --> 00:12:06,400 Speaker 1: more often. And then my trainer, physical trainer, he said 228 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,480 Speaker 1: to me, he said, have you had this before we 229 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:10,920 Speaker 1: were working out or have you just had it now? 230 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,120 Speaker 1: And that got me to think about it. And then 231 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,880 Speaker 1: I started to think about it and I couldn't remember when. 232 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:20,360 Speaker 1: And then this weekend I went to a trampoline park 233 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,040 Speaker 1: with one of my closest friends and their kids like 234 00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:26,080 Speaker 1: their sons, like two years old, and so we went 235 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,120 Speaker 1: to a trampoline park messing around with him on the 236 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:31,280 Speaker 1: trampoline park. Obviously, I got two carried away. I felt 237 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:33,480 Speaker 1: like I stread something came back again. I was like, 238 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:37,160 Speaker 1: oh no, it's definitely triggered through physical activity. Realized that 239 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:40,440 Speaker 1: two years ago I felt the same thing while playing basketball, 240 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:44,199 Speaker 1: and I was like, wow, I've been feeling something physically 241 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:47,320 Speaker 1: for two years, but I waited for it to get 242 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:51,440 Speaker 1: really bad and happen more often, to listen to it, 243 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:55,400 Speaker 1: pat to pay attention. And that's something physical. What about 244 00:12:55,440 --> 00:13:00,920 Speaker 1: something emotional and mental and relational and people based? And 245 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:02,920 Speaker 1: so I love what you said about the idea of 246 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:07,320 Speaker 1: listening and silence and stillness being the best place you 247 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:11,560 Speaker 1: can listen. How have you learned? And I'm intrigued by this, 248 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:15,600 Speaker 1: how have you learned? As someone who is busy, who 249 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,640 Speaker 1: is a mother, who is an entrepreneur, who who is 250 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:21,480 Speaker 1: a wife? You play so many roles, you know, you're 251 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:24,320 Speaker 1: writing a book on top of all of that. How 252 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:27,559 Speaker 1: have you found what is stillness to you? And I'm 253 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:29,520 Speaker 1: asking that to you as who you are, because I 254 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,400 Speaker 1: think when people talk to me, they know I meditate, 255 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:34,439 Speaker 1: they know I have these practices. I was lucky enough 256 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,120 Speaker 1: to be among for three years where I learned so 257 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:39,480 Speaker 1: many practices. But as someone who's in the real world 258 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:42,760 Speaker 1: in challenging situations constantly, what does stillness mean for you? 259 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,840 Speaker 1: And what does it look like for you? Yeah, there's 260 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:49,600 Speaker 1: this chapter in the book called My Soul Shavasana. Because 261 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:52,520 Speaker 1: I used to go to yoga and I did it 262 00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:55,160 Speaker 1: for the workout. I like missed the whole point right, 263 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:57,719 Speaker 1: like it's called a practice, not an art, like we're 264 00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:01,400 Speaker 1: supposed to be practicing it. And as an achiever and 265 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:04,160 Speaker 1: someone who loves to achieve, I always was the person 266 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,240 Speaker 1: in the class like comparing myself like did I get 267 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,480 Speaker 1: that bind? Can I do the headstand? And at the 268 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:11,120 Speaker 1: end of the class, it pained me to lay on 269 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,960 Speaker 1: the mat, like I told myself, like you didn't deserve this, 270 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,720 Speaker 1: you didn't sweat hard enough. You know all of these things. 271 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,760 Speaker 1: And when I look at my life, it's so easy 272 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:23,280 Speaker 1: to delay rest. It's like we keep pushing the finish 273 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:26,720 Speaker 1: line further and further. I'll rest when, I'll rest, then 274 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,680 Speaker 1: I'll celebrate when and we like keep pushing these lines 275 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:32,600 Speaker 1: out so that we never arrive. And what I think 276 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:36,320 Speaker 1: is fascinating is that I've honestly had to learn how 277 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:39,120 Speaker 1: to rest. I've literally had to look at it kind 278 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,480 Speaker 1: of like a couch to five k but in reverse, 279 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:44,160 Speaker 1: like I'm running the five k daily. How do I 280 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:47,880 Speaker 1: get myself back on the couch without feeling guilty, without 281 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:51,880 Speaker 1: feeling like I'm lazy or complacent or any of those things. 282 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:57,600 Speaker 1: Because I really think our culture has confused contentness with complacency, 283 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,640 Speaker 1: and if we're content, we believe that we should be 284 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:03,480 Speaker 1: achieving more, we're not using our full potential. But I 285 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:06,680 Speaker 1: think being content is the most beautiful gift you can 286 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,720 Speaker 1: give yourself. It means that you're like fully in the moment, 287 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,520 Speaker 1: You're fully filled with gratitude, you're fully present, You're in 288 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:16,800 Speaker 1: life as it's happening. And so for me getting quiet 289 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:18,360 Speaker 1: with myself, there's this part at the end of the 290 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:20,840 Speaker 1: book where I joke because I'm like, I love listening 291 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:24,080 Speaker 1: to like incredible personal development people who are like, you know, 292 00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,000 Speaker 1: you wake up and you do your morning pages, and 293 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:28,040 Speaker 1: you do your meditation and you do all these things, 294 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,560 Speaker 1: because I think that's beautiful. But in this stage of life, 295 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:32,720 Speaker 1: I am clinging to every second of sleep I can 296 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:35,280 Speaker 1: possibly get because I'm up in the middle of the night, 297 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:37,080 Speaker 1: and so I'm like, oh my god, I would love 298 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:40,720 Speaker 1: those things. But rest comes in these tiny, infinite, small 299 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,040 Speaker 1: moments for me. And one of the things that I've 300 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:45,840 Speaker 1: had to do is that I often feel pulled in 301 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:49,360 Speaker 1: many directions. So there's this line out there for working mothers, 302 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:52,120 Speaker 1: because I believe all mothers are working, but specifically women 303 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,880 Speaker 1: with careers who are also mothers, and it's like we're 304 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,360 Speaker 1: supposed to work, like we don't have children and parent, 305 00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:00,440 Speaker 1: like we don't have a job, and that can really 306 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:03,640 Speaker 1: weigh on you, like it can really pull you. And 307 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,200 Speaker 1: so I've had to adopt this practice of when I 308 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:09,480 Speaker 1: crossed the threshold into a room, whether it's an office, 309 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:12,560 Speaker 1: my bedroom, the house, the living room, my daughter's room, 310 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,400 Speaker 1: like whatever that is, I have to really like plant 311 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:18,680 Speaker 1: my feet and like actually cross through with intention to 312 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:22,680 Speaker 1: just be here now. Because my brain could be thinking 313 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,800 Speaker 1: about an email while I'm reading Doctor SEUs, and I 314 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,120 Speaker 1: could be writing an email and thinking about nap time 315 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:31,200 Speaker 1: or nursing or whatever it is. And so I've really 316 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,240 Speaker 1: had to just invite stillness in really small segments in 317 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:37,720 Speaker 1: my life and prioritize that in a meaningful way. But 318 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:41,120 Speaker 1: I really yearn for and look forward to those days 319 00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:44,080 Speaker 1: where I can have more of that. And I think 320 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:47,280 Speaker 1: that again, we look at seasons and if I've learned 321 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:50,960 Speaker 1: anything specifically about motherhood, it's all temporary, it's all fleeting, 322 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,520 Speaker 1: it all goes by so fast, and so just kind 323 00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:55,920 Speaker 1: of being where you are but knowing where you want 324 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:58,240 Speaker 1: to go. That's kind of where I'm sitting today. Oh 325 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:01,840 Speaker 1: that's beautiful. Yeah, I don't agree more too. I wonder 326 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,919 Speaker 1: as you were saying that, and I'm literally just sitting 327 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,200 Speaker 1: with you and thinking with you and hearing you out, 328 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,520 Speaker 1: and I'm like, how have you made sense, Jena, of 329 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:14,960 Speaker 1: your identity of who you are? Because I you know, 330 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,840 Speaker 1: the book really does dive into like who you are, 331 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,080 Speaker 1: and I find like we've we adopt so many titles. 332 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:26,760 Speaker 1: I often say to my team, I'm like, I find 333 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,679 Speaker 1: it really hard to choose a title for who I 334 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:31,879 Speaker 1: am and what I do. I really don't enjoy it. 335 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,399 Speaker 1: And so whenever they ask like, oh, Jay, what do 336 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:37,000 Speaker 1: you want us to put from your bio onto this thing, 337 00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:40,400 Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't like that at you know human 338 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:45,520 Speaker 1: being being human? Yeah, exactly, exactly exactly. When someone asked me, like, 339 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:48,120 Speaker 1: who are you and what do you do? My answer 340 00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:51,560 Speaker 1: to that is I am someone who's trying to help 341 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:54,360 Speaker 1: people discover their purpose and live up to their potential, 342 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:58,000 Speaker 1: whatever that may be. Like, that's who I am. I'm 343 00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:01,520 Speaker 1: not an author or a podcast or a coach or 344 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,680 Speaker 1: which is all the things I have to say I 345 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,920 Speaker 1: am to make sense. And then I think about that, 346 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,560 Speaker 1: how many things do we say about ourselves so that 347 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:13,359 Speaker 1: it makes sense to other people, but may stop making 348 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:18,159 Speaker 1: sense or feeling sense like to ourselves. So, how have 349 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:25,679 Speaker 1: you made sense of your identity? As more titles, more expectations, 350 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:29,639 Speaker 1: more achievements and things come in the mix, more responsibilities, 351 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,520 Speaker 1: how do you see yourself? I'm intrigued by that. Yeah, 352 00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:35,520 Speaker 1: I love this because I really struggled. So there's this 353 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:39,560 Speaker 1: idea of identity foreclosure. I learned about it on my podcast. 354 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,160 Speaker 1: There was an amazing woman, doctor Maya Shanker, who came 355 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:48,040 Speaker 1: on and yeah, y, she's amazing, and she was talking 356 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,679 Speaker 1: about it and she said something that has just stuck 357 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,640 Speaker 1: with me, and she's like, it's the same reason why 358 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:55,040 Speaker 1: we hang on to jeans that don't fit, and we 359 00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:57,480 Speaker 1: complete degrees when we know we don't want to even 360 00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,600 Speaker 1: finish them. In work in that area, it's this idea 361 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:02,880 Speaker 1: of like, well, I've already come so far, and why 362 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,160 Speaker 1: would I make that a waste of time? Or why 363 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:08,240 Speaker 1: would I change? And I have really had to learn 364 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:11,440 Speaker 1: how to welcome change into my life because I feel 365 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,359 Speaker 1: like I am constantly on the precipice of like who 366 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:18,720 Speaker 1: I am becoming? And for me, my career path has 367 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,080 Speaker 1: been all over the place. So I worked in corporate America, 368 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,560 Speaker 1: had a fancy five word title, then decided to pick 369 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,240 Speaker 1: up a camera. My camera became my vehicle out of 370 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,840 Speaker 1: that job. And Jay, just like you were saying, like 371 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:33,160 Speaker 1: author podcast, all these things, those are just the vehicles 372 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,600 Speaker 1: to get your mission out into the world, right Like 373 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:38,600 Speaker 1: they're not necessarily who you are, They're just the methods 374 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:42,000 Speaker 1: to get the message. And so it's been super interesting 375 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,240 Speaker 1: to me because I feel like I'm constantly changing and evolving, 376 00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:48,600 Speaker 1: and to me, the mission matters so much more than 377 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:52,160 Speaker 1: the method. And so for me, like being a mom 378 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:55,720 Speaker 1: is like my number one thing. It's like my identity marker. 379 00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:58,600 Speaker 1: And I think some of it too is because I 380 00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:00,639 Speaker 1: yearned for it for so long. We went through a 381 00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:03,320 Speaker 1: lot of obstacles in starting that, and so I always said, like, 382 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:06,320 Speaker 1: if I'm ever fortunate enough to have that title, I 383 00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:08,879 Speaker 1: will never take that title for granted because I watch 384 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,679 Speaker 1: other people get that and it pained me to see, like, 385 00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:16,320 Speaker 1: you don't know the miracle that this is. But I agree. 386 00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:19,119 Speaker 1: I think that we are visionaries and the way that 387 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:22,240 Speaker 1: we do our work is like the missionaries of the mission, 388 00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:24,920 Speaker 1: and so it's like the methods of that, and so 389 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,200 Speaker 1: I always try And I'm from the Midwest, so a 390 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:29,919 Speaker 1: lot of people aren't super familiar with the world we're in, 391 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:32,840 Speaker 1: and so try describing a podcast you're ninety three year 392 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:35,359 Speaker 1: old grandfather. I'm like, Grandpa, it's kind of like a 393 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,119 Speaker 1: sermon where I talk about business, and it's like a 394 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:40,960 Speaker 1: radio show, but you can listen to it anytime. And 395 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:44,080 Speaker 1: so it's like, none of that matters more than the 396 00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:46,560 Speaker 1: mission and who we are. And I think who we 397 00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:50,760 Speaker 1: are offline is more important than who we are online. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 398 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:54,000 Speaker 1: I couldn't agree with you more. I think I always 399 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:55,920 Speaker 1: I was saying to a friend yesterday the other day 400 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,760 Speaker 1: that I feel like the stuff that I get to 401 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:03,040 Speaker 1: do in my private life is even more fun than 402 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,560 Speaker 1: the stuff I get to do in my public life, 403 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:09,399 Speaker 1: and most people are unaware of the private life, and 404 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:12,720 Speaker 1: and I get joy out of it. And I think 405 00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:16,560 Speaker 1: there's something about that that I think it's important to protect. 406 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:20,240 Speaker 1: What I find fascinating about what you do, though, especially 407 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:23,240 Speaker 1: with this book, is like you're really try getting people 408 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:26,679 Speaker 1: to bust the myths that our generation kind of adopted, 409 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:31,880 Speaker 1: like hustling harder, having to have this, have that wake 410 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:34,480 Speaker 1: up at this certain time and tell me about the 411 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:38,439 Speaker 1: times when you did hustle hard. And because what I 412 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:40,760 Speaker 1: find different about when you say that is you're not 413 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:44,280 Speaker 1: someone who didn't know how to hustle hard. You're someone 414 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:48,320 Speaker 1: who definitely knows how to hustle hard and was successful 415 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:51,920 Speaker 1: hustling hard, but then realized its shortcomings, which is why 416 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,720 Speaker 1: I appreciate it from your perspective. So, when you're in 417 00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:56,879 Speaker 1: that corporate job in America and you're hustling hard, can 418 00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:00,560 Speaker 1: you walk us through about why the romanticization and about 419 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,479 Speaker 1: hustling hod kind of you know, didn't work for you. 420 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:05,440 Speaker 1: So I want to preface this because I think this 421 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,560 Speaker 1: is an important point and I think your audience will 422 00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,920 Speaker 1: really resonate with this. But I feel like we live 423 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,600 Speaker 1: in such a polarizing time in so many different ways. 424 00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:15,520 Speaker 1: But part of that polarization is that we feel like 425 00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:20,199 Speaker 1: there's two camps, especially for achievers. There is the hustle 426 00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:24,800 Speaker 1: culture camp, and then there's the manifestation camp. The Manifestation 427 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:27,479 Speaker 1: Camp and the hustle camp. They believe that only one 428 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,639 Speaker 1: of these can exist. And so what's interesting about me 429 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:33,000 Speaker 1: and my book and my ideology is it's kind of 430 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,199 Speaker 1: like where the woo meets the work, like where the 431 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:39,240 Speaker 1: vision meets the action, and it's in a sustainable way 432 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:42,560 Speaker 1: that keeps you in your life. And so I tell 433 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:45,000 Speaker 1: the story about how I was in my corporate job 434 00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:47,160 Speaker 1: and I sat down with my boss and she gives 435 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,280 Speaker 1: me my five year plan, like, gives it to me, 436 00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:51,639 Speaker 1: doesn't ask me about it, doesn't ask me like what 437 00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:53,560 Speaker 1: do you want? What do you see for yourself? Like 438 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,919 Speaker 1: what's next for you? And it was this wake up 439 00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:58,040 Speaker 1: call of like I am literally climbing a ladder that 440 00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:00,399 Speaker 1: someone else is putting in front of me without ever 441 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:02,240 Speaker 1: checking me in Is this what I want? Is this 442 00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,280 Speaker 1: what I envisioned for my life? Do I want the 443 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:08,160 Speaker 1: promotion if it means more responsibility. And I've had these 444 00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,520 Speaker 1: different seasons in my life, and I think that everyone 445 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,960 Speaker 1: hits them where there we look at our time and money, 446 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:16,320 Speaker 1: but we don't look at our energy. And I think 447 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:19,719 Speaker 1: energy is everything. And so there are seasons of my 448 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,560 Speaker 1: life where I traded my time in order to make money. 449 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,960 Speaker 1: And then there are seasons of my life where I 450 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:27,680 Speaker 1: have been able to take money and get back time 451 00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,920 Speaker 1: right things like Instacart or uber or whatever that looks like. 452 00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:33,719 Speaker 1: But a lot of times we forget about like our energy. 453 00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:36,160 Speaker 1: And I don't know about you, but like I've arrived 454 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:38,840 Speaker 1: at certain places and I've gotten to these goals or 455 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:41,159 Speaker 1: these big milestones, and I land there and I'm like, 456 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:44,600 Speaker 1: I thought this would feel different, Like it looks great, 457 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,879 Speaker 1: but I thought it would feel different. Maybe I'm not 458 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,160 Speaker 1: going hard enough, Maybe I need to do more. Maybe 459 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:52,080 Speaker 1: it's the next thing that'll feel good. And I've recognized 460 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,880 Speaker 1: that that's not the case. Like I want to live 461 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:58,120 Speaker 1: a life that feels better than it looks. And so 462 00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:01,000 Speaker 1: I have had these seasons of hustle that have led 463 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:04,040 Speaker 1: to burnout. But after the burnout, for me, I always 464 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:07,560 Speaker 1: have this breakthrough and the breakthrough is usually that somewhere 465 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,040 Speaker 1: in the course of the pursuit, I got off the path, 466 00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:12,840 Speaker 1: and now I've got to redirect or figure out a 467 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:16,200 Speaker 1: new map, or reassess the direction I'm heading. And I've 468 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,920 Speaker 1: pivoted so many times in my career, and thankfully I've 469 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,159 Speaker 1: pivoted successfully. But I've gone from being a photographer to 470 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,560 Speaker 1: a watercolor artist, to a speaker, to a podcast or 471 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:27,280 Speaker 1: to a course creator, all of these different things. And 472 00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:30,320 Speaker 1: I believe that people have followed me because of my energy, 473 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,399 Speaker 1: not because of the time or the money, but like 474 00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:35,280 Speaker 1: they can feel the heart and they can sense the alignment. 475 00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:37,720 Speaker 1: And so I feel like there's this really call to 476 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:42,160 Speaker 1: people to pay attention to how are you energetically feeling? 477 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:45,200 Speaker 1: Like I haven't slept a full night in three weeks, 478 00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:48,080 Speaker 1: but I am so energized and excited because I've never 479 00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:51,480 Speaker 1: been in alignment better in my work life, like I've 480 00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,520 Speaker 1: never felt more in alignment. And so it's this interesting 481 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,520 Speaker 1: thing where we focus so much on time and money, 482 00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:58,800 Speaker 1: and that a lot of times attributes to the burnout, 483 00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:01,320 Speaker 1: attributes to the hustle. But if we check in with 484 00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:03,560 Speaker 1: ourselves and see where our energy is, I think that 485 00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:06,359 Speaker 1: can be the compass that then guides us forward. What 486 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,000 Speaker 1: are some of the things that you've found that you 487 00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:11,040 Speaker 1: feel drain your or our energy, and what are some 488 00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:14,119 Speaker 1: of the things that give and drive your energy? Because 489 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:20,040 Speaker 1: as soon as you talked about the ratio of time, money, 490 00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:24,359 Speaker 1: and energy, I was completely with you. I think those 491 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,320 Speaker 1: money and time are always like the levels that we're 492 00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:31,600 Speaker 1: trying to play with, and the real thing that we're 493 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:34,399 Speaker 1: missing out on is energy. So I'm completely with you. 494 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,320 Speaker 1: But yeah, what are the things that drain and drive 495 00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:40,760 Speaker 1: your energy? Or you think generally, maybe more scalably, drain 496 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:44,239 Speaker 1: and drive all of our energy. Yeah, I feel like 497 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:46,639 Speaker 1: if you pull up your calendar and you hate what 498 00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:49,040 Speaker 1: you see coming up, that's a good sign that you're 499 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:50,840 Speaker 1: out of alignment. Have you ever looked at your calendar 500 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:53,520 Speaker 1: and you're like, who booked this? And then you're like, oh, no, 501 00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:56,199 Speaker 1: that was me, Like I said yes to all of 502 00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:59,480 Speaker 1: these things. And I have been in seasons like that 503 00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:03,520 Speaker 1: and really recognize like I am not looking forward to life, 504 00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:07,560 Speaker 1: like I am dreading these agreements, or I'm overextended, or 505 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,359 Speaker 1: I'm stretched too thin, and I feel it, and a 506 00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:13,680 Speaker 1: lot of times it's us saying yes and not having boundaries. 507 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:16,800 Speaker 1: And so for me, I'm actually quite introverted. A lot 508 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:19,600 Speaker 1: of our friends surprisingly are. We're the people that can 509 00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:21,920 Speaker 1: stand on a stage and talk to thousands of people, 510 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,280 Speaker 1: but if we get into a room with strangers, were 511 00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:27,160 Speaker 1: like the ones like awkwardly standing in the corner and 512 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:29,840 Speaker 1: so really paying attention to like what sort of boundaries 513 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:32,080 Speaker 1: do I need to have in place that protect my 514 00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:34,840 Speaker 1: energy but allow me to do work that's meaningful. And 515 00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:37,959 Speaker 1: so when the pandemic hit and life shifted, I was like, 516 00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:41,280 Speaker 1: I have been training my entire life for this. I 517 00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:43,840 Speaker 1: started my business in a town of twelve hundred. I 518 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,520 Speaker 1: live in smalltown Minnesota. I've been trying to convince people 519 00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:48,840 Speaker 1: that so much can be done digitally over the years, 520 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:51,080 Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, I'm like, oh, I can 521 00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:53,760 Speaker 1: open my laptop, do my work, close it, and get 522 00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:56,080 Speaker 1: back to life. And so I think it takes a 523 00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:59,440 Speaker 1: really great deal of self awareness. Because my husband Drew, 524 00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:02,400 Speaker 1: you know, he's an extrovert. He could talk to anyone. 525 00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:06,000 Speaker 1: It is his greatest dream to go to the gym 526 00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,040 Speaker 1: and talk to Bob while they're walking around the path, 527 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,560 Speaker 1: like and figure out his life story. And to me, 528 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:13,320 Speaker 1: that kills me, like small talk kills me. And so 529 00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:16,159 Speaker 1: it's like, what is this self awareness on what drains 530 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:18,520 Speaker 1: you and what drives you? And how do you try 531 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:21,040 Speaker 1: to pursue this blend of it? Because I think we're 532 00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,399 Speaker 1: over this idea of balance, Like if you look at 533 00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:28,760 Speaker 1: the definition of balance, it's maintaining a perfect balance of something, 534 00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:32,080 Speaker 1: and like balance is a moment. It's not like something 535 00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:34,600 Speaker 1: that you can master. And so for me, it's like, 536 00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:36,720 Speaker 1: what does this blend look like If I say my 537 00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:39,480 Speaker 1: values are being a mom, but I'm committing to a 538 00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:42,080 Speaker 1: work trip that takes me away for two weeks. Am 539 00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:44,600 Speaker 1: I in alignment with what I say is important to me? 540 00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:46,359 Speaker 1: And I think a lot of people right now if 541 00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:48,560 Speaker 1: they looked at their calendar and they said, you know, 542 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:51,159 Speaker 1: my values are my health, or my family, or my 543 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:54,560 Speaker 1: relationships or this important work that I'm doing, but they 544 00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:56,600 Speaker 1: looked at their calendar, they would see that they might 545 00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:59,040 Speaker 1: have gotten off course. And it's not a bad thing. 546 00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:02,480 Speaker 1: It's just an invitation to course correct. So in that example, 547 00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:04,760 Speaker 1: which I think was such a great one, are you 548 00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:10,680 Speaker 1: saying that we have to be more selective overall priorities 549 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:15,520 Speaker 1: in a particular season, absolutely if you are able to. 550 00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,280 Speaker 1: And honestly, Jay and I think it's important to note, 551 00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:20,280 Speaker 1: like it's a privilege to be able to say yes 552 00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:23,399 Speaker 1: and no to opportunities. Right, some people don't have that 553 00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:25,840 Speaker 1: invitation to just say, you know, I'm not going to 554 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:28,000 Speaker 1: agree to that if that's something that's going to pay 555 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,840 Speaker 1: the bills. But at the same point in time. One 556 00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:33,520 Speaker 1: thing that I've been doing a lot lately is if 557 00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:36,240 Speaker 1: I get an invitation when I'm in person with someone, 558 00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:38,920 Speaker 1: because i just love people's energy, and I'm so prone 559 00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:41,560 Speaker 1: to say yes. I'm like the kind Midwest girl. I've 560 00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:44,040 Speaker 1: been saying, let me check my calendar and get back 561 00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:46,040 Speaker 1: to you on that, because a lot of times when 562 00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:48,920 Speaker 1: I over commit on things energetically, in the moment, it 563 00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:51,000 Speaker 1: feels right, but then when I look at it a 564 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:53,280 Speaker 1: week from now, a month from now, I'm like, ah, shoot, 565 00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:55,720 Speaker 1: like I shouldn't have committed to this. So there are 566 00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,640 Speaker 1: boundaries that I think can be really important that can 567 00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:01,520 Speaker 1: buy yourself the time to really assessed is this the 568 00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:04,280 Speaker 1: right opportunity, is it shiny? Is it going to guide 569 00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:06,840 Speaker 1: me forward? Is it going to serve others? Is this 570 00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:09,080 Speaker 1: a clear yes or no, And I always think it's 571 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:11,400 Speaker 1: either like a hell yes or a heck no, And 572 00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:13,560 Speaker 1: you've got to pick more of the hell yeses in 573 00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:16,160 Speaker 1: your life. How have you learned to say no recently 574 00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:19,560 Speaker 1: to people who you deeply love and people you know 575 00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,360 Speaker 1: care for you? And then you still want to say 576 00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:24,680 Speaker 1: no for your values? Like have you have you had 577 00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:26,720 Speaker 1: to do that recently? Like how have you? I'm so 578 00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:28,720 Speaker 1: good at how have you? Yeah, Okay, tell us walk 579 00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:30,920 Speaker 1: us through that a little bit, because I think, yeah, 580 00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:32,560 Speaker 1: I had to do it. The other day. I had 581 00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:34,720 Speaker 1: someone reach out and they're like, yeah, I need you 582 00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:38,600 Speaker 1: to do this thing, and I send them my response, 583 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:39,840 Speaker 1: but I want to hear yours and then and then 584 00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:41,719 Speaker 1: all that to it. But yeah, tell tell me how 585 00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:44,800 Speaker 1: you deal with that. I'm intrigued. So boundaries are something 586 00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:47,360 Speaker 1: that I think people are afraid of because when you 587 00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:50,640 Speaker 1: think about boundaries, you think about like keeping something or 588 00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:53,160 Speaker 1: someone out right, like you almost picture up like a 589 00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:56,040 Speaker 1: fence around and that feels scary. But I have found 590 00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:59,320 Speaker 1: that boundaries keep us in our life, like the life 591 00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:02,040 Speaker 1: that we're meant be leaving. And when we have good boundaries, 592 00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:04,800 Speaker 1: it really invites us to be awake to the life 593 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:07,800 Speaker 1: that we say we want. So, for example, when I 594 00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:11,120 Speaker 1: was pregnant with my first daughter, Coco, I blacked out 595 00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:14,160 Speaker 1: the entire year following her birth. I had not a 596 00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:18,920 Speaker 1: single commitment on my calendar for an entire year. Now 597 00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:21,760 Speaker 1: was that scary? Absolutely? Did I fear that I would 598 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,800 Speaker 1: lose momentum? Yes? Did I wonder would I become irrelevant 599 00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:27,920 Speaker 1: in that year? Of course? But I said that being 600 00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:30,520 Speaker 1: a mother was the greatest gift, the biggest miracle that 601 00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:32,560 Speaker 1: I could ever invite into my life. And you better 602 00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:34,120 Speaker 1: believe I was going to live that way. And I 603 00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,920 Speaker 1: just didn't know what to expect. I didn't know if 604 00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:39,240 Speaker 1: I would thrive, if I would be flailing like I 605 00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:41,400 Speaker 1: didn't know, And I wanted to give myself space in 606 00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:43,880 Speaker 1: time to adjust to that new life and that new 607 00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,600 Speaker 1: version of who I was. And so I put up 608 00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:49,680 Speaker 1: bumpers like I think about bowling and I think about boundaries. 609 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,360 Speaker 1: Is like bumpers that keep us in the lane, that 610 00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:55,160 Speaker 1: keep us aligned and from falling in the gutter. And 611 00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:58,560 Speaker 1: so I told my team, I said, if any inquiries 612 00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:01,040 Speaker 1: come in, I don't care who it is. I want 613 00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:03,360 Speaker 1: for you to just send this polite decline to them. 614 00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:04,960 Speaker 1: I don't want to hear about it because I'm going 615 00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:06,920 Speaker 1: to want to say yes. I don't want to see 616 00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:08,960 Speaker 1: it because it's gonna make me aunty that I should 617 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:10,959 Speaker 1: do it. And I just want you to send this 618 00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:13,440 Speaker 1: out and if it's the right thing, I truly believe 619 00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:16,080 Speaker 1: it will come back in the right timing. I believe 620 00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:18,520 Speaker 1: that that will happen. And so I also have a 621 00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:21,480 Speaker 1: note on my phone that I use often, and it's 622 00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:24,320 Speaker 1: when I get an invitation that's wonderful or from somebody 623 00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:27,080 Speaker 1: I love, and all it says is, oh, my goodness, like, 624 00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:29,480 Speaker 1: thank you so much for considering me for this opportunity. 625 00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:32,640 Speaker 1: I'm so flattered and I'm so excited for you. Right now, 626 00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:34,680 Speaker 1: I have to politely decline, and I want for you 627 00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:37,200 Speaker 1: to know that this, in me declining, it is not 628 00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:39,880 Speaker 1: a reflection of you or your opportunity or the work 629 00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:42,760 Speaker 1: that you're doing. It is solely a reflection of the 630 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:45,880 Speaker 1: values that I'm living, and me saying yes to you 631 00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:47,720 Speaker 1: right now means that I'm going to have to say 632 00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:49,840 Speaker 1: no to what is most important to me, and right 633 00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,720 Speaker 1: now that is my family. I truly hope you understand. 634 00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:54,360 Speaker 1: I can't wait to work with you in the future. 635 00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:57,080 Speaker 1: I'm cheering you on as you go, wishing you the best, 636 00:31:57,120 --> 00:31:59,920 Speaker 1: and I also include a caveat that says, I hope 637 00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:02,600 Speaker 1: that in me doing this, it is an invitation for 638 00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:05,600 Speaker 1: you to lean in and live out the values in 639 00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:09,160 Speaker 1: your life as well. Wow, what a message. That's amazing. 640 00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:11,960 Speaker 1: That's that's that's your beautiful. I haven't memorized because I 641 00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:14,200 Speaker 1: need it off. I know. I was like, Wow, that 642 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:17,640 Speaker 1: is That's like a deep, genuine, word for word message. 643 00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:22,640 Speaker 1: I love that. I mean, even just the depth of 644 00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:25,719 Speaker 1: that message is so powerful, and I just want to 645 00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:29,000 Speaker 1: take a moment everyone's listening or watching just to acknowledge 646 00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:31,720 Speaker 1: that that often you can have a message it says, hey, 647 00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:34,080 Speaker 1: thank you so much, I'm grateful, but I can't do 648 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:37,040 Speaker 1: this right now. I hope you understand, and that's great. 649 00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:40,320 Speaker 1: But the depth of that message to even remind someone 650 00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:43,800 Speaker 1: to follow their own values, to explain what your value 651 00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:48,040 Speaker 1: is right now, I think so much is lost in 652 00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:54,520 Speaker 1: not communicating our values and our priorities. And I don't 653 00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,640 Speaker 1: think that we need to create a world where we 654 00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:02,320 Speaker 1: can more easily explain our priority and our values without 655 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:05,160 Speaker 1: feeling uncomfortable about them. And I think often people think 656 00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:11,640 Speaker 1: they need to lie or make something up or constructing, right. Yeah, 657 00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:14,520 Speaker 1: And it's like when someone gets that message, not only 658 00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:17,840 Speaker 1: do they not understand you, actually haven't helped them understand 659 00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:22,120 Speaker 1: what they need to learn for themselves as well. And 660 00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:24,320 Speaker 1: so yeah, I went through it. Recently. I sent a 661 00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:28,280 Speaker 1: similar message where I was really explaining that. I was like, 662 00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:31,200 Speaker 1: you know, this is why I struggle with this, and 663 00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:33,920 Speaker 1: I was even explaining my struggle and how hard it 664 00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:36,760 Speaker 1: is for me to say no, but how I know 665 00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:39,360 Speaker 1: that if I say yes, I'm actually gonna let you 666 00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:43,000 Speaker 1: down even more later. And I just wanted to make 667 00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:44,920 Speaker 1: you aware of that. And yes, I did tell my 668 00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:47,960 Speaker 1: life story a little bit, but it was the same 669 00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:50,560 Speaker 1: point that I was like, I need to really explain 670 00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:55,760 Speaker 1: the context behind this message and this no. And I 671 00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:59,200 Speaker 1: think what that ends up doing is it actually creates 672 00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:02,440 Speaker 1: really beautiful or opportunities. And I'll always say to someone, 673 00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:05,880 Speaker 1: I'll say, I'm sure you can understand it. I'd love 674 00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:08,360 Speaker 1: to know if you do. And nineteen percent at the 675 00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:10,440 Speaker 1: time someone will come back and say, of course I 676 00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:12,960 Speaker 1: understand it. I protect my time in the same way 677 00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:16,400 Speaker 1: or whatever it may be. And then you go, oh, okay, 678 00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:19,200 Speaker 1: we actually are more aligned than we think. So I 679 00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:22,840 Speaker 1: love that advice. It's so great, Jenna. So you know, 680 00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:25,680 Speaker 1: the books in three parts. The first part is who 681 00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:28,359 Speaker 1: you are, yes, And that's what we've been talking about. 682 00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:30,200 Speaker 1: And I would highly recommend that everyone dives into it 683 00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:34,520 Speaker 1: because the book talks about everything from Jenna's childhood to 684 00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:37,880 Speaker 1: you know, her feelings about motherhood. And I am not 685 00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:40,279 Speaker 1: asking her to repeat what's in the book. I would 686 00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,560 Speaker 1: love you to go and read the book and dive 687 00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:45,560 Speaker 1: into it and then helps you figure out who you 688 00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:48,960 Speaker 1: are and how to be clear about your values and priorities, 689 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:52,160 Speaker 1: which we're realizing are so integral to know. And as 690 00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:54,719 Speaker 1: we know, if we don't know our values and priorities, 691 00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:57,440 Speaker 1: we will be living based on someone else's or an 692 00:34:57,480 --> 00:35:01,400 Speaker 1: adopted sense of values and priority. But in the second 693 00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:03,840 Speaker 1: part of the book, you talk about who has you 694 00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:08,640 Speaker 1: and who you have right, and this I think I 695 00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:14,239 Speaker 1: gravitated towards this a lot, because I think sometimes we 696 00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:20,120 Speaker 1: if we have good networks and communities and families and units, 697 00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:22,879 Speaker 1: we often take it for granted because we assume that's 698 00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:26,080 Speaker 1: just how life is. So can you talk to me 699 00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:32,960 Speaker 1: a bit about how you've constructed healthy community and support 700 00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:37,080 Speaker 1: systems around you and given yourselves the permission to lean 701 00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:40,120 Speaker 1: on others, because I find like that's what most of 702 00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:41,680 Speaker 1: us don't want to do, is we don't want to 703 00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:44,640 Speaker 1: depend on others and make people feel we're dependent on them. 704 00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:47,360 Speaker 1: So the second part is that who you have and 705 00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:50,520 Speaker 1: who as you? Because I recognize that we are in 706 00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:53,880 Speaker 1: this season of life and in this area of like 707 00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:57,040 Speaker 1: the world where we have never been more connected, but 708 00:35:57,200 --> 00:35:59,880 Speaker 1: we also don't feel fully known. And I think there 709 00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:02,600 Speaker 1: is nothing worse than being in a room filled with 710 00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:05,719 Speaker 1: people and feeling lonely. Like loneliness isn't just the act 711 00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:08,480 Speaker 1: of being alone, it's feeling like people don't know the 712 00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:11,800 Speaker 1: real you. And I feel like we're in this world 713 00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:14,040 Speaker 1: where that is so common. It's like have you ever 714 00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:16,360 Speaker 1: entered a building and you know that if you just 715 00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:19,640 Speaker 1: exit stage life left, like no one would question who 716 00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:21,440 Speaker 1: you were, where you were, if you were even there. 717 00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:23,480 Speaker 1: And I feel like we're kind of walking through life 718 00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:26,120 Speaker 1: in that way. And we're also in this era where 719 00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:29,120 Speaker 1: people post, you know, bachelotte parties and there's like twenty 720 00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:31,480 Speaker 1: people in matching swimsuits and you're like, I have like 721 00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:34,040 Speaker 1: three close friends and like, is something wrong with me? 722 00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:36,640 Speaker 1: Or like why don't I have this like village around me? 723 00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:40,560 Speaker 1: And a lot of it is because we aren't showing 724 00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:43,920 Speaker 1: up allowing ourselves to fully know others and to be 725 00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:47,680 Speaker 1: fully known. And I think that the pandemic actually gave 726 00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:50,200 Speaker 1: us this really unique invitation because for so long we 727 00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:53,160 Speaker 1: were able to separate, like career Jenna and mom Jenna 728 00:36:53,239 --> 00:36:55,800 Speaker 1: and marriage Jenna and friend Jenna, and all of a sudden, 729 00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:58,279 Speaker 1: we're doing everything under one roof and we're forced to 730 00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:01,000 Speaker 1: communicate in different ways, and we're four to learn how 731 00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:03,360 Speaker 1: to be a good friend from afar, and we're forced 732 00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:05,399 Speaker 1: to be reminded that, like, we need to reach out 733 00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:07,520 Speaker 1: just as much as we hope people reach out to us. 734 00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:11,680 Speaker 1: And what's interesting is I've had this practice for I 735 00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:14,960 Speaker 1: don't know, probably ten years, where every single day when 736 00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:17,960 Speaker 1: I think of people, I text them and it'll just 737 00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:19,520 Speaker 1: be I know, I've sent you a few I've sent 738 00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:21,839 Speaker 1: your wife, if you like where if you come into 739 00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:24,320 Speaker 1: my life or my mind or I see something and 740 00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:26,280 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh do you would love that? Or whatever 741 00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:29,239 Speaker 1: that is, to just reach out, like the universe is 742 00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:32,279 Speaker 1: guiding me towards this opportunity to encourage or check in 743 00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:35,080 Speaker 1: or just be there for someone. And oftentimes it comes 744 00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:37,840 Speaker 1: in the form of like no need to respond, just 745 00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:39,520 Speaker 1: want you to know I'm thinking of you, or I 746 00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:41,640 Speaker 1: saw this thing, like if you want to share how 747 00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:45,560 Speaker 1: you're doing, like just check in. But when I think 748 00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:48,200 Speaker 1: about when we're really feeling lonely, a lot of times 749 00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:50,360 Speaker 1: our act is to like close up and to like 750 00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:53,720 Speaker 1: close ourselves off. And I really think it's this really 751 00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:56,680 Speaker 1: great opportunity for us to reach out and to seek 752 00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:59,359 Speaker 1: and when you bring up like help. There's this chapter 753 00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:01,840 Speaker 1: where it's like one plus one equals a million, and 754 00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:05,160 Speaker 1: it's my story about how I was white knuckling so 755 00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:07,040 Speaker 1: much of my life. I think a lot of us 756 00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:09,719 Speaker 1: do that, where we wear all the hats we can 757 00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:12,520 Speaker 1: do it. We're just getting by. We're holding on with 758 00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:16,680 Speaker 1: all of our might to keep the control, and life 759 00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:20,040 Speaker 1: often gives us these opportunities or it forces us to 760 00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:23,239 Speaker 1: open up our hands. And for me, when we went 761 00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:26,600 Speaker 1: through two pregnancy losses, I was in this place where 762 00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:28,920 Speaker 1: I was like I have to show up to work. 763 00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:30,759 Speaker 1: I had to show up and shoot a wedding. As 764 00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:34,719 Speaker 1: a wedding photographer after getting this news, and I recognize, 765 00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:37,640 Speaker 1: like I cannot do this anymore, Like I cannot. I 766 00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:40,040 Speaker 1: have built something that requires me to show up to 767 00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,680 Speaker 1: get paid, and right now I can't show up. And 768 00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:45,200 Speaker 1: I can't keep doing this to myself because life is 769 00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:48,320 Speaker 1: not always going to invite us to show up. Sometimes 770 00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:51,160 Speaker 1: life calls us to like slow down and to be 771 00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:55,239 Speaker 1: and to sit. And I had run my business by 772 00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:57,520 Speaker 1: myself for years and years and years, and I finally 773 00:38:57,560 --> 00:39:00,320 Speaker 1: got to a place where I said three words, I 774 00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:05,160 Speaker 1: need help, and it transformed everything for me. And it's 775 00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:08,840 Speaker 1: been really fascinating being in this season of motherhood and 776 00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:11,120 Speaker 1: launching a book and all of these different things where 777 00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:14,239 Speaker 1: I'm like, usually I'm the helper, and so asking for 778 00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:17,880 Speaker 1: help is so uncomfortable, but it stretches you in ways 779 00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:20,480 Speaker 1: that allows you to invite people in. And one of 780 00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:23,080 Speaker 1: my friends, Ali Stroker, she is in a wheelchair. She's 781 00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:26,399 Speaker 1: an incredible actress, and she once told me this story 782 00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:28,839 Speaker 1: that totally changed the way I look at asking for help. 783 00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:31,680 Speaker 1: And she said, a lot of times people will come 784 00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:34,280 Speaker 1: and try with good intentions to help me in my wheelchair, 785 00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:36,520 Speaker 1: when really I don't need it. But I've learned to 786 00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:39,920 Speaker 1: recognize that for some people, being the helper is the 787 00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:43,080 Speaker 1: greatest gift I can give them. And when she said that, 788 00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:45,279 Speaker 1: it really made me pause and think, there are so 789 00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:48,520 Speaker 1: many people in my life who love to help, who 790 00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:51,719 Speaker 1: find joy in being the helper, And if I can 791 00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:54,320 Speaker 1: give them the invitation or the opportunity to do that, 792 00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:58,759 Speaker 1: suddenly who I have and who has me expands. And 793 00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:00,560 Speaker 1: a lot of times it's like our pride. It's like 794 00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:04,440 Speaker 1: pride's utter chokehold that like keeps us from like opening 795 00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:07,120 Speaker 1: our hands to what's possible. And so it's a white 796 00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:09,800 Speaker 1: knuckling that is not something that you can maintain, and 797 00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:13,359 Speaker 1: it's something that really keeps greatness out of your life. Yeah, 798 00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:15,399 Speaker 1: and and and you know you touched on it there. 799 00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:18,640 Speaker 1: It was you know, I really admire your bravery for 800 00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:21,480 Speaker 1: doing it. In the book as well, you you talk 801 00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:23,840 Speaker 1: about the time where you found out that you're you know, 802 00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:26,800 Speaker 1: you baby didn't have a heartbeat, and I feel like, 803 00:40:28,239 --> 00:40:31,239 Speaker 1: you know that the book is full of that level 804 00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:33,160 Speaker 1: of vulnerability, and I think you talk about a lot 805 00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:37,360 Speaker 1: of things that we also don't ever talk about, and 806 00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:41,640 Speaker 1: definitely obviously people that we don't announce it on Instagram, 807 00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:44,120 Speaker 1: and that potentially is in the right forum anyway. But 808 00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:48,440 Speaker 1: I wanted to ask you about when you look at 809 00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:52,960 Speaker 1: that community around you, one of the things that's really 810 00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:56,120 Speaker 1: benefited me. I said this to someone the other day. 811 00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:58,360 Speaker 1: They were like, Oh, it seems like you make some 812 00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:02,160 Speaker 1: really good decisions in your life life, and I said, yeah, 813 00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:05,320 Speaker 1: because I had people in my life who told me 814 00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:09,839 Speaker 1: all the bad decisions they made. And I'd say, all 815 00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:11,680 Speaker 1: the good decisions I've made in my life is because 816 00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:14,399 Speaker 1: I've had a few older people in my life who've 817 00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:17,799 Speaker 1: told me about all their bad decisions, and that gave 818 00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:20,520 Speaker 1: me so much hindsight, and it gave me so much 819 00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:26,839 Speaker 1: awareness that it allowed me the space to think about 820 00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:29,200 Speaker 1: things a bit ahead of the time. And so I 821 00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:31,319 Speaker 1: can't take any credit for the good decisions I've made. 822 00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:34,120 Speaker 1: I can only take I can only give the credit 823 00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:37,440 Speaker 1: to the people who shared their either poor decisions with 824 00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:40,120 Speaker 1: me or, as in your case, you do in this book, 825 00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:45,400 Speaker 1: challenges or heartbreaks that they went through in order to 826 00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:50,719 Speaker 1: be hopefully more prepared or more equipped to deal with 827 00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:54,319 Speaker 1: certain things. And so I was like, the best mentorship 828 00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:58,640 Speaker 1: is actually not good advice. The best mentorship is just 829 00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:02,600 Speaker 1: an honest experience of what someone's going through. Can you 830 00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:05,560 Speaker 1: talk to me a bit about like how you've shared 831 00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:08,640 Speaker 1: and how people have shared with you, and how that's 832 00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:10,960 Speaker 1: such an important part of building that community and you're 833 00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:13,000 Speaker 1: doing it through the book. Of course, there are so 834 00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:16,000 Speaker 1: many things that are taboo, which is crazy where it's 835 00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:18,040 Speaker 1: like so many people are experiencing it and it's a 836 00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:20,800 Speaker 1: part of the human experience, but nobody's talking about it. 837 00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:23,759 Speaker 1: And it is so isolating, right, like you feel like 838 00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:26,480 Speaker 1: you are broken, or you are the only one, or 839 00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:31,200 Speaker 1: it's your fault that you went through something. And years ago, 840 00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:33,920 Speaker 1: we lost one of our best friends in a car accident, 841 00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:37,480 Speaker 1: and I found myself going back to his social media 842 00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:41,239 Speaker 1: feeds to feel connected to him. And he didn't know 843 00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:43,840 Speaker 1: when he was talking about taco bell or posting that 844 00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:46,520 Speaker 1: funny family guy meme that like that would be a 845 00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:49,520 Speaker 1: part of his legacy, right, Like, we don't think about that, 846 00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:53,759 Speaker 1: but every single post we're hitting published on online is 847 00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:55,719 Speaker 1: a piece of our legacy. Like we don't do what 848 00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:58,600 Speaker 1: our parents didn't have scrap books and all the little, 849 00:42:58,800 --> 00:43:01,959 Speaker 1: you know, trinkets and put it in an album. These days, 850 00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:05,560 Speaker 1: it's so digital, And I remember when I found myself 851 00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:07,799 Speaker 1: like going to look through his old tweets or things 852 00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:10,640 Speaker 1: just to feel connected to him. I vowed to myself that, 853 00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:13,279 Speaker 1: like what you see online will never be just a 854 00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:16,400 Speaker 1: highlight reel, it will always be real, like r e 855 00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:20,520 Speaker 1: al my real life. And I have stuck by that 856 00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:23,040 Speaker 1: through thick and thin, through the good through the bad, 857 00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:26,280 Speaker 1: because when I get reminded of a memory on Facebook, 858 00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:29,640 Speaker 1: I want to remember that actual moment and not just 859 00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:34,320 Speaker 1: the shiny And when we went through our pregnancy loss, 860 00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:37,480 Speaker 1: for me, part of it was helping people to feel 861 00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:41,239 Speaker 1: less alone, because one in four people women experience that, 862 00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:44,680 Speaker 1: but two it was to give meaning to the experience 863 00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:47,760 Speaker 1: I think as people that are optimistic or positive people. 864 00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:50,440 Speaker 1: Where I was like, life is teaching me a lesson, 865 00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:53,359 Speaker 1: and even when that lesson is inconceivable, or you don't 866 00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:55,719 Speaker 1: have a reason or you can't really pinpoint what that is, 867 00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:58,440 Speaker 1: I really clung to this belief that, like, I'm going 868 00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:00,839 Speaker 1: to give meaning to this mess no matter how I can. 869 00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:04,600 Speaker 1: And there's this story in the book that I love, 870 00:44:05,280 --> 00:44:08,640 Speaker 1: and it's called What Brookshields Doesn't Know. And I was 871 00:44:08,719 --> 00:44:12,160 Speaker 1: at this event with all these incredible women, and there 872 00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:14,320 Speaker 1: was this president of a company that I worked with, 873 00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:17,120 Speaker 1: and she was a woman, and she came up to 874 00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:19,439 Speaker 1: me and we were talking about her children, and she said, 875 00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:23,280 Speaker 1: do you know that I went through IVF seven times 876 00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:25,680 Speaker 1: in order to have my daughter? And this is like 877 00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:29,000 Speaker 1: years ago, like a decade ago. And I said, oh 878 00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:31,239 Speaker 1: my god, how many times did you want to give up? 879 00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:35,160 Speaker 1: And she said never? And I said, how is that possible? 880 00:44:35,239 --> 00:44:38,200 Speaker 1: Like IVF is a most excruciating process, Like there are 881 00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:40,160 Speaker 1: so many layers to it, and so many things and 882 00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:42,880 Speaker 1: so many hopes and dreams and failures and things that 883 00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:45,600 Speaker 1: you just like hate going through. And she said, I 884 00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:48,600 Speaker 1: didn't give up because one time I was watching an 885 00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:51,879 Speaker 1: interview and brookshield said that she did IVF seven times 886 00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:54,040 Speaker 1: to conceive her daughter, and if she can do it 887 00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:57,880 Speaker 1: seven times, so can I. And I think about like that. 888 00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:01,440 Speaker 1: Brookshields doesn't know that she's sponsible for this beautiful girl 889 00:45:01,520 --> 00:45:03,680 Speaker 1: named Maggie who lives in New York City, but her 890 00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:08,320 Speaker 1: vulnerability and sharing that story inspired an total stranger to 891 00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:10,880 Speaker 1: get herself in the ring of something that was told 892 00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:14,200 Speaker 1: to be impossible by doctors but created a miracle. And 893 00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:16,880 Speaker 1: I think that stories have this opportunity to do this, 894 00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:20,720 Speaker 1: and I think that vulnerable stories invite people to again 895 00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:24,920 Speaker 1: step into their own vulnerability. And I've learned so much 896 00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:27,320 Speaker 1: about like the things that I try to keep hidden, 897 00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:29,480 Speaker 1: the things that I'm afraid to share, the things that 898 00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:32,839 Speaker 1: I'm thinking that everyone else is thinking about me. Those 899 00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:35,920 Speaker 1: are called the human experience. Those are the things that 900 00:45:36,040 --> 00:45:38,600 Speaker 1: connects me so much more than pretending like I have 901 00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:40,920 Speaker 1: it all together. I don't have insecurities or that I 902 00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:44,280 Speaker 1: don't worry, And so I've just believed in the power 903 00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:46,000 Speaker 1: of story and the power of real and when you 904 00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:50,200 Speaker 1: put real story to life, that's what really transforms other 905 00:45:50,239 --> 00:45:53,040 Speaker 1: people's lives. Yeah, and I definitely think you do that 906 00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:57,200 Speaker 1: in this book so wonderfully right. There's so many stories, 907 00:45:57,280 --> 00:46:00,520 Speaker 1: whether it's personal, whether it's Korea Bay, you know, I 908 00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:02,799 Speaker 1: think it's so important. One of the things I tried 909 00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:04,799 Speaker 1: to do and think like a monk when I wrote 910 00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:09,480 Speaker 1: it was I don't talk about any enlightened experiences. So 911 00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:13,400 Speaker 1: I talked about all my worst meditation experiences because the 912 00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:17,640 Speaker 1: goal was because it's relatable and it's true, Like, there 913 00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:22,759 Speaker 1: were just so many poor meditation experiences, and I think 914 00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:25,000 Speaker 1: it's very easy to be like, well, you know, this 915 00:46:25,239 --> 00:46:28,359 Speaker 1: was this amazing experience I had, and everyone's like, well, 916 00:46:28,640 --> 00:46:31,120 Speaker 1: you know, like like you just said, like someone's gone 917 00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:34,920 Speaker 1: through seven of the most difficult, excruciating things to get there, 918 00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:37,560 Speaker 1: but that story is so much more powerful. Tell me 919 00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:39,719 Speaker 1: a bit about you know. The third act of the 920 00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:43,080 Speaker 1: book goes into like people setting their goals, living their truth, 921 00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:46,960 Speaker 1: achieving it, making a plan. I want to ask you 922 00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:49,400 Speaker 1: a different question because the book breaks down how you 923 00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:52,080 Speaker 1: do that and what to do. So if anyone who's 924 00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:56,200 Speaker 1: wondering how Jenna goes from who you are to who 925 00:46:56,320 --> 00:46:58,640 Speaker 1: you have and who has you too, then what you're 926 00:46:58,640 --> 00:47:00,480 Speaker 1: going to do about it to actually build it through. 927 00:47:01,160 --> 00:47:04,880 Speaker 1: What I'm more intrigued by is what's a worthy goal? 928 00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:09,000 Speaker 1: Like what's a worthy pursuit? Because I feel like everyone 929 00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:12,120 Speaker 1: talks about goals and goal setting and everyone kind of 930 00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:15,719 Speaker 1: has goals or may have goals. But when I was young, 931 00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:22,120 Speaker 1: all we ever learned about was setting smart goals right specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, 932 00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:25,040 Speaker 1: and time bound. But no one ever told me what 933 00:47:25,239 --> 00:47:29,040 Speaker 1: a worthy goal was. And as I've got an older 934 00:47:29,520 --> 00:47:33,400 Speaker 1: I I do believe that there are worthy pursuits and 935 00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:35,959 Speaker 1: there are pursuits that will let us down. As you said, 936 00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:38,719 Speaker 1: there's so many goals that you hit and you go, well, 937 00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:41,680 Speaker 1: is that it? So how do you help people think 938 00:47:41,719 --> 00:47:44,360 Speaker 1: about Is there a way of knowing what a healthy, 939 00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:49,440 Speaker 1: worthy pursuit or goal is. Yeah, I think it's one 940 00:47:49,520 --> 00:47:52,600 Speaker 1: that feels good, that the pursuit feels good and the 941 00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:56,560 Speaker 1: end product feels right. And for me, I think it's 942 00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:59,360 Speaker 1: really interesting. I remember Jay, we were together in Puerto 943 00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:02,359 Speaker 1: Rico and end In through Brendan Burchard let us through 944 00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:06,000 Speaker 1: this exercise, and it was envisioning these scenes that we 945 00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:10,360 Speaker 1: want for our lives, like what would true success look like? 946 00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:13,120 Speaker 1: And he had already gone through the exercise of like 947 00:48:13,280 --> 00:48:15,640 Speaker 1: envisioning your best moments of life all of these things. 948 00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:18,520 Speaker 1: But I loved how he framed it because it was 949 00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:21,960 Speaker 1: like envisioned these moments before they happened, so that when 950 00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:26,200 Speaker 1: they happen you are fully awake to them. And for me, 951 00:48:26,719 --> 00:48:29,680 Speaker 1: the scene that I envisioned was like pancakes on a 952 00:48:29,760 --> 00:48:32,640 Speaker 1: Saturday morning, looking out of the lake with my family. 953 00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:35,640 Speaker 1: And it's funny because every time we make pancakes on 954 00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:37,440 Speaker 1: a Saturday morning, Drew will look at me and I 955 00:48:37,520 --> 00:48:39,680 Speaker 1: will be like teary eyed, and he'll be like, we're 956 00:48:39,719 --> 00:48:42,320 Speaker 1: living it, like this is the scene and we're awake 957 00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:45,080 Speaker 1: to it. Because how many successful people do you know 958 00:48:45,440 --> 00:48:47,440 Speaker 1: who have done all these amazing things in their life 959 00:48:47,440 --> 00:48:49,920 Speaker 1: they say they missed it. They missed it because they 960 00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:51,719 Speaker 1: were just in pursuit of the next thing, or the 961 00:48:51,840 --> 00:48:53,960 Speaker 1: journey didn't feel good, or they arrived and it wasn't 962 00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:56,120 Speaker 1: where they thought they wanted to be. And so when 963 00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:58,640 Speaker 1: it comes to setting a goal, I want you to 964 00:48:58,719 --> 00:49:02,640 Speaker 1: ask yourself what feels good? Like what in the pursuit 965 00:49:02,719 --> 00:49:05,960 Speaker 1: feels good? And here's an example. I did this visualization 966 00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:09,279 Speaker 1: exercise after our two losses. I was like unpacking my 967 00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:11,600 Speaker 1: grief and really trying to like face it because I 968 00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:13,279 Speaker 1: had buried it the first time. And I was like, 969 00:49:13,400 --> 00:49:15,719 Speaker 1: I've got to figure out how did not move on 970 00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:18,040 Speaker 1: from this, but how to move with my grief? Like 971 00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:20,920 Speaker 1: how do I move forward carrying this grief with me 972 00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:24,440 Speaker 1: as a changed person? And I did this visualization exercise 973 00:49:24,560 --> 00:49:26,920 Speaker 1: and my friend was leading me through it and she 974 00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:30,719 Speaker 1: was like, envisioned the most vibrant version of yourself, Like 975 00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:34,680 Speaker 1: you are fully alive, energized, excited about what you're about 976 00:49:34,719 --> 00:49:36,799 Speaker 1: to do for your day. And she said this line 977 00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:39,200 Speaker 1: where it was like put your fingers and the fingerslots 978 00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:41,840 Speaker 1: like step into where your toes are, like what do 979 00:49:41,960 --> 00:49:44,080 Speaker 1: you see and what do you feel? And it was 980 00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:46,760 Speaker 1: funny because I was doing this meditation, there tears streaming 981 00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:49,200 Speaker 1: down my face, and I'm envisioning this little girl in 982 00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:51,920 Speaker 1: pancakes and Drew and this Persian rug and like all 983 00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:54,719 Speaker 1: of these things. And in this vision, I had on 984 00:49:55,040 --> 00:49:58,200 Speaker 1: jeans and a white linen shirt. And I opened my 985 00:49:58,239 --> 00:50:01,000 Speaker 1: eyes after the visualization and I had on yoga pants 986 00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:03,719 Speaker 1: and like an old college T shirt. And I was like, 987 00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:06,200 Speaker 1: I want the baby and the pancakes. But if I 988 00:50:06,320 --> 00:50:09,680 Speaker 1: can't even live today with the jeans and the linen shirt, 989 00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:12,400 Speaker 1: how do I expect to become a fully different person 990 00:50:12,520 --> 00:50:15,600 Speaker 1: when the thing that I want arrives? Right? Like, sometimes 991 00:50:15,719 --> 00:50:18,040 Speaker 1: the waiting season is just as important as what it 992 00:50:18,200 --> 00:50:20,239 Speaker 1: is that we're waiting for, and the same thing goes 993 00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:23,520 Speaker 1: for goals. Sometimes the journey of working towards the goals 994 00:50:23,680 --> 00:50:26,680 Speaker 1: should be enjoyed just as much as achieving the goal itself. 995 00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:29,279 Speaker 1: And so I've learned how to make sure that the 996 00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:32,520 Speaker 1: pursuit feels good, but that the goal is truly my 997 00:50:32,800 --> 00:50:36,760 Speaker 1: definition of success, because my definition of success isn't shiny, 998 00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:39,480 Speaker 1: it's not great. It's literally a bag of gluten free pancakes. 999 00:50:39,719 --> 00:50:41,799 Speaker 1: But when I'm living it, I know it and I'm 1000 00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:44,200 Speaker 1: awake to it. And I think nowadays it's like with 1001 00:50:44,320 --> 00:50:47,040 Speaker 1: the internet, you could follow the fashion blogger and then 1002 00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:49,440 Speaker 1: follow the home decor and then follow the HealthNet. And 1003 00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:51,480 Speaker 1: our brain tricks is into thinking that we need to 1004 00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:53,320 Speaker 1: do and be all of those things in order to 1005 00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:55,480 Speaker 1: be happy. But if we go back to the beginning 1006 00:50:55,520 --> 00:50:58,360 Speaker 1: of the conversation where we talk about like contentedness is 1007 00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:01,440 Speaker 1: a gift, it's not complacent, See, like, how can you 1008 00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:03,840 Speaker 1: be at peace with your life? And what does that 1009 00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:07,160 Speaker 1: look like as you work towards the goal? And so 1010 00:51:07,480 --> 00:51:09,799 Speaker 1: for me, it's like more so about the journey, because 1011 00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:12,279 Speaker 1: if we know anything, the journey is ninety percent of 1012 00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:15,760 Speaker 1: the pursuit and the actual goal achieving is two percent. 1013 00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:18,200 Speaker 1: And so I want my life to feel good while 1014 00:51:18,239 --> 00:51:20,960 Speaker 1: I'm working towards that thing. Yeah, I think that's a 1015 00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:24,120 Speaker 1: great definition, and I'm really glad you clarified that, because 1016 00:51:24,719 --> 00:51:27,760 Speaker 1: I think we often set goals by default. We adopt 1017 00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:31,680 Speaker 1: goals from our parents, our friends, our family, Instagram, TikTok, 1018 00:51:31,719 --> 00:51:35,560 Speaker 1: social media. We just we have a goal without even 1019 00:51:35,600 --> 00:51:39,320 Speaker 1: knowing we have one, and so I think making it 1020 00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:44,200 Speaker 1: a more conscious, intentional process is so important. And I 1021 00:51:44,360 --> 00:51:47,760 Speaker 1: encourage everyone who wants to live their truth, who wants 1022 00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:51,640 Speaker 1: to authentically discover who they are, who wants to make 1023 00:51:51,719 --> 00:51:53,960 Speaker 1: a shift or a change in your life right now, 1024 00:51:54,120 --> 00:51:56,480 Speaker 1: maybe you're going through a transition, maybe you know you 1025 00:51:56,600 --> 00:51:59,920 Speaker 1: need to start one. Please order Jenna's book today because 1026 00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:03,200 Speaker 1: it will truly guide you and be that helping hand 1027 00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:05,840 Speaker 1: that we all need on that path. And sometimes I 1028 00:52:05,960 --> 00:52:07,879 Speaker 1: think a lot of people and I can honestly say 1029 00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:10,520 Speaker 1: this for myself, and I truly back what I'm about 1030 00:52:10,520 --> 00:52:14,880 Speaker 1: to say is that I often felt alone in my 1031 00:52:15,160 --> 00:52:18,880 Speaker 1: transitions in life from a physical point of view, but 1032 00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:23,080 Speaker 1: I would say that books and people in books have 1033 00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:27,280 Speaker 1: definitely been that navigation guide and helping hand that I've needed. 1034 00:52:27,719 --> 00:52:30,080 Speaker 1: And so often I haven't necessarily been able to turn 1035 00:52:30,160 --> 00:52:32,920 Speaker 1: to someone right next to me to know what's going on, 1036 00:52:33,120 --> 00:52:36,080 Speaker 1: because they may not have experienced what I'm experiencing, But 1037 00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:39,400 Speaker 1: someone in a book has experienced that or experienced something similar, 1038 00:52:39,920 --> 00:52:41,960 Speaker 1: and that I feel now so close to that person 1039 00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:44,399 Speaker 1: that I've never met, and most of the people I'm 1040 00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:47,200 Speaker 1: talking about are not even alive from books that I've read. 1041 00:52:47,280 --> 00:52:50,240 Speaker 1: So I really believe that that if you're in that transition, 1042 00:52:50,280 --> 00:52:52,799 Speaker 1: if you're in that journey, if you're struggling with who 1043 00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:54,799 Speaker 1: you are, if you're trying to figure out the people 1044 00:52:54,840 --> 00:52:57,960 Speaker 1: around you, if you're trying to make a career change, 1045 00:52:58,080 --> 00:53:02,320 Speaker 1: if you're having struggles with motherhood and that journey and 1046 00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:06,480 Speaker 1: your identity right now, Jenna, really I want to be honest, 1047 00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:11,160 Speaker 1: like very vulnerably and honestly captures her story and shares 1048 00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:15,200 Speaker 1: the insights to help see what you can apply. Jenna, 1049 00:53:15,239 --> 00:53:17,880 Speaker 1: I thank you so much for writing this book, for 1050 00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:19,960 Speaker 1: thank you for taking the time today and use you know. 1051 00:53:20,160 --> 00:53:24,080 Speaker 1: We end every on Purpose episode with a final five, 1052 00:53:24,600 --> 00:53:27,480 Speaker 1: which is a fast five round where every question has 1053 00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:32,720 Speaker 1: to be answered in one word or one sentence maximum. So, Jennaka, 1054 00:53:33,040 --> 00:53:35,279 Speaker 1: you've trained my whole life for this, You've trained your 1055 00:53:35,320 --> 00:53:38,600 Speaker 1: whole life for this, You're already prepared. Okay, So the 1056 00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:45,879 Speaker 1: first question is what is the best advice you've ever received? Done? 1057 00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:49,080 Speaker 1: Is better than perfect? Nice? I like that we've never 1058 00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:51,440 Speaker 1: had that on the show, which is good. What is 1059 00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:54,800 Speaker 1: the worst advice you've ever received? Just keep on reaching? 1060 00:53:55,239 --> 00:53:57,200 Speaker 1: What is the first thing you do every morning and 1061 00:53:57,280 --> 00:53:59,160 Speaker 1: the last thing you do every night? Look at my 1062 00:53:59,239 --> 00:54:03,400 Speaker 1: baby monitor. I love it. The honesty. See this is 1063 00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:07,600 Speaker 1: why I asked that question. I love the honesty. Fourth, 1064 00:54:07,840 --> 00:54:10,680 Speaker 1: what is the biggest risk you've ever taken leaving my 1065 00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:13,800 Speaker 1: nine to five job to become an entrepreneur? Nice? And 1066 00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:17,000 Speaker 1: fifth and final question, if you could make one law 1067 00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:19,759 Speaker 1: that everyone in the world would have to follow, what 1068 00:54:19,880 --> 00:54:22,560 Speaker 1: would it be to take a gap year before doing 1069 00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:24,359 Speaker 1: what you think you want to do and figure out 1070 00:54:24,400 --> 00:54:27,799 Speaker 1: who you are? Wow? Great advice. I like that one. 1071 00:54:27,960 --> 00:54:31,480 Speaker 1: I took one before university and one three after, so 1072 00:54:32,239 --> 00:54:37,360 Speaker 1: definitely definitely I agree. I agree with that advice everyone. 1073 00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:40,000 Speaker 1: Jenna Kutcher. The book is called how are You Really 1074 00:54:40,560 --> 00:54:44,000 Speaker 1: Living Your Truth? One answer at a time. Make sure 1075 00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:46,520 Speaker 1: you grab a copy of the book. And Jenna has 1076 00:54:46,640 --> 00:54:49,480 Speaker 1: a special gift for us that we're going to get. 1077 00:54:49,520 --> 00:54:51,600 Speaker 1: As part of this, I want you to head over 1078 00:54:51,640 --> 00:54:55,600 Speaker 1: to Jenna Kutcher dot com forward slash Jay. We will 1079 00:54:55,640 --> 00:54:58,320 Speaker 1: put the link in the captions and the show notes 1080 00:54:58,360 --> 00:55:01,960 Speaker 1: and everywhere else. So Jenna Kutcher Forward slash j as 1081 00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:04,680 Speaker 1: in my name j j why and you will be 1082 00:55:04,719 --> 00:55:06,640 Speaker 1: able to see this amazing gift that she's going to 1083 00:55:06,680 --> 00:55:08,080 Speaker 1: give you a bit of a sneak peek about. So, 1084 00:55:08,360 --> 00:55:10,839 Speaker 1: Jenna over to you. Yeah, So, I wanted to think 1085 00:55:10,840 --> 00:55:13,720 Speaker 1: about how this would be most valuable because my book 1086 00:55:13,840 --> 00:55:16,439 Speaker 1: is not about finding my truth or sharing my truth, 1087 00:55:16,520 --> 00:55:19,040 Speaker 1: but inviting you to find your own. So I gathered 1088 00:55:19,080 --> 00:55:22,279 Speaker 1: a bunch of our incredible mutual friends and did deep 1089 00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:26,080 Speaker 1: dive interviews that aren't public you cannot find them anywhere, 1090 00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:28,640 Speaker 1: and put together a course that is in theme with 1091 00:55:28,680 --> 00:55:33,920 Speaker 1: the book, so on topics like identity, career, relationship, balancing things, 1092 00:55:34,160 --> 00:55:37,040 Speaker 1: shifting careers, all of those things. It is all inside 1093 00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:40,120 Speaker 1: of an incredible free course that you cannot get anywhere else, 1094 00:55:40,200 --> 00:55:42,359 Speaker 1: and you'll get it when you pre order or order 1095 00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:44,360 Speaker 1: the book, and you can find that at Jenna Kutcher 1096 00:55:44,520 --> 00:55:47,080 Speaker 1: dot com slash j. I love it, Jenna, Thank you 1097 00:55:47,120 --> 00:55:50,520 Speaker 1: so much for doing that, because, Yeah, like you said, 1098 00:55:50,800 --> 00:55:53,200 Speaker 1: I think so many of these things, that things we're 1099 00:55:53,239 --> 00:55:55,040 Speaker 1: all struggling with, we need to hear it from lots 1100 00:55:55,080 --> 00:55:57,239 Speaker 1: of different voices, lots of different faces. And so the 1101 00:55:57,320 --> 00:56:00,480 Speaker 1: fact that you've brought them all together is just absolutely brilliant. 1102 00:56:00,520 --> 00:56:03,160 Speaker 1: So please everyone check that out, subscribe for that, sign 1103 00:56:03,239 --> 00:56:07,160 Speaker 1: up for that at Jennacutch dot com, Forward slash Jay Jenna, 1104 00:56:07,280 --> 00:56:09,080 Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining me today. I can't 1105 00:56:09,120 --> 00:56:10,680 Speaker 1: wait to see you again. I can't wait to see 1106 00:56:10,719 --> 00:56:13,680 Speaker 1: your family again. I'm just so grateful we got to 1107 00:56:13,719 --> 00:56:16,560 Speaker 1: take this time out. I really hope everyone will read 1108 00:56:16,600 --> 00:56:20,480 Speaker 1: your book, devour it, apply it, practically put it into 1109 00:56:20,560 --> 00:56:23,120 Speaker 1: their life. And I can't wait to see it change 1110 00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:26,160 Speaker 1: so many lives. So thank you for this work, thank 1111 00:56:26,200 --> 00:56:28,000 Speaker 1: you for your life, and thank you so much for 1112 00:56:28,040 --> 00:56:32,160 Speaker 1: this opportunity. Thank you for pouring into all of us. 1113 00:56:32,320 --> 00:56:35,240 Speaker 1: I'm speaking on behalf of all of your listeners, myself included. 1114 00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:38,520 Speaker 1: I know that you have left a huge, lasting imprint, 1115 00:56:38,560 --> 00:56:41,239 Speaker 1: and I think it's really easy as someone who creates, 1116 00:56:41,640 --> 00:56:45,120 Speaker 1: to forget all of the incredible ways that you are 1117 00:56:45,200 --> 00:56:49,239 Speaker 1: creating ripple effects in lives, in generations, in families, and 1118 00:56:49,360 --> 00:56:52,160 Speaker 1: I can speak from my family's experience, you have done 1119 00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:54,560 Speaker 1: just that. So thank you for the work that you do. No, 1120 00:56:54,800 --> 00:56:58,000 Speaker 1: thank you so much. Everyone who's been listening on watching, 1121 00:56:58,120 --> 00:57:01,480 Speaker 1: make sure you follow Jenna across media and makes you 1122 00:57:01,680 --> 00:57:04,800 Speaker 1: tag Jenna and I with any of the nuggets of wisdom, 1123 00:57:04,880 --> 00:57:08,680 Speaker 1: the insights, even pages from her book. Take screenshots, tag 1124 00:57:08,800 --> 00:57:11,560 Speaker 1: us both, let us know what's resonating with you, what's 1125 00:57:11,600 --> 00:57:15,800 Speaker 1: connecting with you. I genuinely love seeing you with a 1126 00:57:15,840 --> 00:57:18,960 Speaker 1: book open from the podcast, with sharing something from one 1127 00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:21,600 Speaker 1: of our guest pages, because to me, it shows that 1128 00:57:21,640 --> 00:57:24,000 Speaker 1: we're connected. It shows that we're listening learning from each other. 1129 00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:28,200 Speaker 1: And so I genuinely go on Instagram myself regularly and 1130 00:57:28,320 --> 00:57:30,920 Speaker 1: we'll go through posts and tags and everything, and I 1131 00:57:31,000 --> 00:57:33,680 Speaker 1: love seeing you all bring so much love to the podcast. 1132 00:57:34,520 --> 00:57:36,400 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening everyone. I'll see you 1133 00:57:36,480 --> 00:57:40,160 Speaker 1: again next week for another episode, and a big thank 1134 00:57:40,160 --> 00:57:41,720 Speaker 1: you to Jenna again. Thanks everyone,