WEBVTT - So Gay For You with Leisha Hailey & Kate Moennig

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<v Speaker 1>Chelsea, how are you. How's Europe?

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<v Speaker 2>Hi, Catherine, Oh my god, I am I honestly, first

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<v Speaker 2>of all, I don't even know where to begin. I

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<v Speaker 2>just walked I think twenty seven thousand steps. We're in

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<v Speaker 2>Edinburgh today. My cousin's here, Molly, as you know. Mollie.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, her husband has crashed our party with their four

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<v Speaker 3>year old, and I split off with them after her

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<v Speaker 3>four year old said Mommy for the seven hundredth time

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<v Speaker 3>in under one hour.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, you really are patient, and it's not

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<v Speaker 2>enough to walk twenty steps ahead of you. I need

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<v Speaker 2>to go listen to a political podcast while I walk home.

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<v Speaker 2>But I honestly feel like one of my hips, like

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<v Speaker 2>I got this great SI belt thing because my s

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<v Speaker 2>I joint always pops out. When I was skiing all winter.

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<v Speaker 2>It was kind of annoying me. So it's been amazing.

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<v Speaker 2>So anyone who's listening who has SI problems, like where

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<v Speaker 2>your hip kind of pops out, you got to get

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<v Speaker 2>one of these belts because it keeps everything in place.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't want to really be promoting Amazon, but I

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<v Speaker 2>did order it on Amazon, and when I say I

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<v Speaker 2>ordered it, somebody else ordered it for me. So I

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<v Speaker 2>want to be very transparent about everything I say. But

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<v Speaker 2>we're having the best time in Europe. We've had the

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<v Speaker 2>most amazing shows. It's been so wonderful to be able

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<v Speaker 2>to apologize on behalf of our administration.

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<v Speaker 1>And just America as a whole, and.

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<v Speaker 2>Really convey my apologies to our former allies. We have

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<v Speaker 2>hit the ground running in every city. Every time we land,

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<v Speaker 2>they say it's going to be raining, and then we

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<v Speaker 2>land and the sun is out. It happens everywhere. Rekuvic, Paris.

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<v Speaker 2>We had two days in Paris. We had an amazing

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<v Speaker 2>time in Amsterdam. Stockholm was absolutely gorgeous, Oslo, then we

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<v Speaker 2>went to Belfast. We were in Belfast with sunny. Yamanika

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<v Speaker 2>was in Belfast with us, so they didn't know what

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<v Speaker 2>the fuck hit them. London, London was incredible. We were

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<v Speaker 2>in Glasgow two nights ago. So today is the day off.

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<v Speaker 2>In Edinburgh, we had yes starting off and then I

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<v Speaker 2>think tomorrow we go to Zurich. All right, So it's

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<v Speaker 2>been absolutely wonderful. The crowds are amazing. I'm just I

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<v Speaker 2>really feel so happy to be here and to be

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<v Speaker 2>spreading like you know, the vibes.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so glad, thank you.

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<v Speaker 2>How are you.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm great, you know.

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<v Speaker 4>I've just had a couple weeks of like a little

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<v Speaker 4>bit of downtime, had some barbecues.

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<v Speaker 1>It's been really really nice, so very relaxing.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's nice. That's nice. We've had some incredible food here,

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<v Speaker 2>incredible food everywhere. And Edinburgh is like one of the

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<v Speaker 2>most beautiful cities in the world. I hadn't been here

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<v Speaker 2>for like thirty years. I came with one of my

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<v Speaker 2>boyfriends when I was like twenty years old, and it

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<v Speaker 2>is so old and so preserved, and they don't have

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<v Speaker 2>high rises, and it's not gross with all the stores.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean they have sections of like you know, Gucci

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<v Speaker 2>and Fendi and all that, which is fine, but they

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<v Speaker 2>don't it's just beautiful and the cobblestone streets and the

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<v Speaker 2>castles everywhere, and it's just been gorgeous here. So we

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<v Speaker 2>went on a long, long walk today and I had

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<v Speaker 2>a big blood blister when I came home, so that

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<v Speaker 2>was really satisfying to pop. And then I am going

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<v Speaker 2>to take a Xanax tonight and prepare for I'm taking

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<v Speaker 2>the day off of drinking, even though I already had

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<v Speaker 2>a drink at lunch, taking the night off of drinking

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<v Speaker 2>because I need to have a clear head since tomorrow

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<v Speaker 2>night I have a show, and I'm just really grateful.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just I'm reading great books.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, oh, we got to do a Minnesota book ground up. Well,

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<v Speaker 4>if there's anything what you'll mention right now.

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<v Speaker 2>There's a really good book. This isn't a new book

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<v Speaker 2>that's out, but I just read it. It's called Red

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<v Speaker 2>Notice by Bill Browder and it's all about Russia. And

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<v Speaker 2>he's this big finance investment guy who started investing in

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<v Speaker 2>Russia after they it changed from communism to quote unquote

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<v Speaker 2>capitalism and they privatized everything and it's a fascinating rate.

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<v Speaker 2>So of course, you know, I sent that to my

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<v Speaker 2>half of my family. I'm like, here's the country you defend.

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<v Speaker 2>And then I got that book The Emperor of Gladness.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh sho did you hear about this book?

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know this one.

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<v Speaker 2>It's heavy.

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<v Speaker 1>I know her, but I haven't read that book.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, this is just came out and this is supposed

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<v Speaker 2>to be great. And then I read Morality by Jonathan Sacks.

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<v Speaker 2>We'll go over all of that. I just wanted to

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<v Speaker 2>remember what morality was in these times anyway, So everything's great.

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<v Speaker 2>Doug is living up a storm in Canada. He's going

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<v Speaker 2>from house to house to house. People are there's a

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<v Speaker 2>waiting list to hang out with him. So and I

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<v Speaker 2>won't see him until I do my show in Vegas

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<v Speaker 2>on July fifth, So that's when I come back to America.

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<v Speaker 2>July fifth, everybody, I'll be in Vegas.

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<v Speaker 1>Awesome. What other dates do you have coming up in

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<v Speaker 1>Europe for the next week or two?

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<v Speaker 2>Everything in Europe is sold out, so oh, no, Barcelona

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<v Speaker 2>I think has tickets. Barcelona, I believe is June second,

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<v Speaker 2>So if you're yeah, Barcelona has tickets, but everything else

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<v Speaker 2>is sold out. And I didn't want to add any

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<v Speaker 2>second shows because I have I'd have to do them

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<v Speaker 2>the same night, and I'm like, I just can't. I

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<v Speaker 2>can't do two shows in a night when.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't have to totally.

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<v Speaker 2>So I'll have to come back sooner than later because

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<v Speaker 2>I've just been having the best time here and I'm

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<v Speaker 2>just so grateful. That's the word of the day is gratitude.

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<v Speaker 4>Well, listen, you're bringing joy and apparently literal sunshine to

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<v Speaker 4>every city who go to So that's great.

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<v Speaker 2>I know, my cousin keeps going every morning. Molly goes, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>my god, can you believe we keep changing the weather.

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<v Speaker 2>It's supposed to rain, and we keep changing the weather.

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<v Speaker 2>And I wanted to go it's not you, it's me,

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<v Speaker 2>because I've been doing this since I was born. And

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<v Speaker 2>we were on the phone. We were on the phone

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<v Speaker 2>with my sister. We're going to Greece in a couple

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<v Speaker 2>of weeks for my sister's big birthday, like twelve of

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<v Speaker 2>us of the girls in the family, and my sister goes, well,

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<v Speaker 2>if Chelsea's coming, we're gonna have sunshine. Molly goes, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>everywhere we go there's been sunshine, and they've been it's

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<v Speaker 2>been forecasting rain and everywhere we go sunshine and she goes, oh, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>Chelsea always brings the good weather. And Molly's like, no,

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<v Speaker 2>I thought it was me, And I was like, well,

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but it really

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<v Speaker 2>has enough in.

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<v Speaker 1>Its very Molly. Sorry, Molly. And you know what, if

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<v Speaker 1>you can't get tickets.

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<v Speaker 4>To Chelsea's sold out shows in Europe, you can check

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<v Speaker 4>out her special.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh yes, you could check out my special The Feeling,

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<v Speaker 2>which is so funny all these European people are like,

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<v Speaker 2>we didn't want to watch your Feeling because we thought

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<v Speaker 2>it was going to be the same material as what

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<v Speaker 2>you're doing. Now I'm like, no, no, no, I have

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<v Speaker 2>a whole new hour, bitches, I'm ready to rumble. Excellent,

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<v Speaker 2>I have a whole new hour about not vacationing with

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<v Speaker 2>your family. Okay, So today's episode we have well, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>our guests from The l Word and their podcast Pants.

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<v Speaker 2>They have co written a new memoir and it's called

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<v Speaker 2>So Gay for You, which I read, which is delightful,

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<v Speaker 2>and it's all about their experiences on the show and

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<v Speaker 2>be on the show. Please welcome to Captain Lesbians, Lesha

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<v Speaker 2>Haley and Kate Mennig. Congrats on the book, you ladies.

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<v Speaker 5>Thank you.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, how excited, Thank you very much. Yeah wild, I know, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I never thought.

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<v Speaker 5>This would happen. Really yeah, this was never on my

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<v Speaker 5>bucket list.

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<v Speaker 2>But let us talk about it' k happening. So welcome

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<v Speaker 2>to the podcast.

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<v Speaker 6>Thanks thanks for having us.

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<v Speaker 2>Very excited about your new book, So Gay for You.

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<v Speaker 2>I was reading this on a plane and then I

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<v Speaker 2>and then and the gay flight attendant.

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<v Speaker 7>It was mail.

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<v Speaker 2>He was like, m hmmm, and I'm like, uh huh,

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<v Speaker 2>And I'm like I had no idea what he was

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<v Speaker 2>talking about. And then when I put when I finished

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<v Speaker 2>it and closed it, I was like, oh, I see what.

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<v Speaker 5>He's talking about.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I love this cover of the two of you?

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<v Speaker 2>And what took you so long to write a book

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<v Speaker 2>about how you met? How like how the show started?

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<v Speaker 2>What took you so long?

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<v Speaker 8>I mean, we're like a couple of dumb dumb actors,

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<v Speaker 8>no one ever, like, we never thought we could do this,

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<v Speaker 8>and then the.

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<v Speaker 5>Opportunity got brought up to us and we thought, sure,

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<v Speaker 5>why not.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you seem like you don't think you can do

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<v Speaker 2>much of anything because like what's of you?

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<v Speaker 6>It's like self esteem issues. That's really funny. That's your takeaway.

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<v Speaker 5>You always yeah, it's true. You always say that the

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<v Speaker 5>dumb dumbs. But we never thought well writing. I mean listen, well.

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<v Speaker 8>We barely graduated and and we didn't go to college,

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<v Speaker 8>graduated high school and I didn't go to college and

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<v Speaker 8>I just wrote my seventh books.

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<v Speaker 2>So that is not a barrier. I'm not anul.

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<v Speaker 6>What I think of you and I go, oh, she's.

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<v Speaker 2>Really I love it. I hope my sisters are listening. No,

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<v Speaker 2>in the book you talk about you tried to turn

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<v Speaker 2>down this role. Yeah, so you didn't think you could

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<v Speaker 2>do that. You were in a band. You're still in

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<v Speaker 2>a band, but you were in a different band then, right,

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<v Speaker 2>And you got the offer for the role, turned it

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<v Speaker 2>down one, two, three times? Three times?

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<v Speaker 3>Was no?

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<v Speaker 6>Three?

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<v Speaker 8>Yeah, I that I didn't turn it down because I

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<v Speaker 8>didn't think I could do it. It's because I was

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<v Speaker 8>in like a codependent band relationship and I was like,

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<v Speaker 8>I'm going to leave my band mate and ruin her

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<v Speaker 8>life and go I don't know, it just felt wrong.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, Well, that's wrong. You know, that doesn't make any sense.

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<v Speaker 6>I know.

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<v Speaker 8>I it was a choice I was about to make

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<v Speaker 8>that would have changed my life forever.

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<v Speaker 2>Right.

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<v Speaker 4>I think you had a friend who like saved you

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<v Speaker 4>from that bad decision, right, Yes, like total do it,

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<v Speaker 4>you gotta do it?

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<v Speaker 8>Yeah, And no, well to like Heather, who is my bandmate.

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<v Speaker 8>We just we were in something that we were like,

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<v Speaker 8>we're going to do this forever. You know, when you're

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<v Speaker 8>that young, you're like, yeah, have you ever been in that.

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<v Speaker 6>Where you're in a.

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<v Speaker 8>Working relationship with someone that you're like, this is for

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<v Speaker 8>the rest of our lives.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean I feel like that almost about any relationship, right,

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<v Speaker 2>Like when things are going well, you're like, we'll be

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<v Speaker 2>together forever. Yeah, but the reality of that actually coming

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<v Speaker 2>to fruition is like no, I know, you know, their

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<v Speaker 2>breakups and all the time, and then there's creative evolution,

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<v Speaker 2>so you move on to other things and other outlets,

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<v Speaker 2>and then you're like, oh, okay, well obviously you can't

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<v Speaker 2>work with everybody. It's a great idea, but it's kind

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<v Speaker 2>of like a marriage, which is you know why those

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<v Speaker 2>typically don't work. Yeah, okay, So let's start at the beginning.

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<v Speaker 2>So you guys open this book with your with your

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<v Speaker 2>auditions for the Elk. Yes, and so what year was this?

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<v Speaker 2>Do we remember to?

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<v Speaker 5>June two thousand and two.

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<v Speaker 2>June two thousand and two, okay, so that's like twenty

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<v Speaker 2>twenty something. It was a long time ago. Yeah, yes,

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<v Speaker 2>And you met each you saw each other, yeah, yeah

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<v Speaker 2>at the audition because you were auditioning for the same

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<v Speaker 2>role originally.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah. We Yeah. I was told my manager said there's

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<v Speaker 5>only one other person who's going to be reading for

0:10:11.400 --> 0:10:14.280
<v Speaker 5>this part, and I said okay, because it was a specific.

0:10:13.920 --> 0:10:16.559
<v Speaker 2>Kind of and you came out from I flew out

0:10:16.559 --> 0:10:17.160
<v Speaker 2>from New York.

0:10:17.000 --> 0:10:19.120
<v Speaker 5>Because I was on the East coast then. And my

0:10:19.160 --> 0:10:21.160
<v Speaker 5>manager is like, I can do some digging find out

0:10:21.160 --> 0:10:22.560
<v Speaker 5>who it is. And I said, no, no, no, no no.

0:10:22.600 --> 0:10:24.000
<v Speaker 5>I was like, let me just go there. This is

0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:27.640
<v Speaker 5>pressurrey enough. And I walk in and I saw the

0:10:27.679 --> 0:10:30.360
<v Speaker 5>back of her head and her hair was like whisping

0:10:30.360 --> 0:10:31.040
<v Speaker 5>out in the back.

0:10:31.520 --> 0:10:34.120
<v Speaker 6>Well you remember this, Lek, Yes, it was.

0:10:36.400 --> 0:10:37.679
<v Speaker 5>You know what I'm saying. It's like we had a

0:10:37.720 --> 0:10:41.120
<v Speaker 5>lot of layers. Yeah, we had layers in the whole thing.

0:10:41.160 --> 0:10:44.240
<v Speaker 5>And compared to every other actor out there playing reading

0:10:44.240 --> 0:10:46.480
<v Speaker 5>for another role who had long hair, I just saw

0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:48.480
<v Speaker 5>the back of her head and I thought that's it.

0:10:49.400 --> 0:10:52.480
<v Speaker 5>And then that's it. I was like, that's her, that's it.

0:10:52.520 --> 0:10:54.920
<v Speaker 5>I was like, that's that's that's my competition. And so

0:10:55.480 --> 0:10:58.439
<v Speaker 5>they ushered actors reading for another role to the one side.

0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:00.280
<v Speaker 5>We went off to the other side and and we

0:11:00.320 --> 0:11:02.360
<v Speaker 5>just sat in an echo week quiet hallway for about

0:11:02.400 --> 0:11:05.080
<v Speaker 5>forty five minutes, just kind of nodding and smiling at

0:11:05.120 --> 0:11:06.240
<v Speaker 5>each other, trying to be polite.

0:11:06.440 --> 0:11:08.319
<v Speaker 8>And a lot of people find this hard to believe

0:11:08.320 --> 0:11:10.560
<v Speaker 8>that I was up for the role that Kate ended

0:11:10.640 --> 0:11:14.800
<v Speaker 8>up getting because it's like this sexual lithario like but

0:11:15.440 --> 0:11:18.040
<v Speaker 8>I think it might have just been my like funky hair.

0:11:18.120 --> 0:11:20.480
<v Speaker 8>I don't know why I was up for this role,

0:11:20.520 --> 0:11:22.679
<v Speaker 8>but I had there was something about me. But there

0:11:22.720 --> 0:11:25.520
<v Speaker 8>was no way in hell. There was no way in

0:11:25.559 --> 0:11:28.120
<v Speaker 8>hell I was meant for that part right right, like

0:11:28.200 --> 0:11:28.959
<v Speaker 8>it was Kate's.

0:11:29.080 --> 0:11:31.240
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, of course, but I didn't know that. I thought, oh,

0:11:31.320 --> 0:11:32.160
<v Speaker 5>she's got this in the.

0:11:32.120 --> 0:11:34.880
<v Speaker 1>Bag because you have the comb right.

0:11:34.880 --> 0:11:38.480
<v Speaker 8>I had to come because like the fawns.

0:11:38.679 --> 0:11:40.760
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, yeah, she showed up with the prop and I

0:11:40.800 --> 0:11:42.640
<v Speaker 5>thought that's it. I was like, that's the secret to

0:11:42.679 --> 0:11:44.679
<v Speaker 5>this whole thing. And I never thought of doing that.

0:11:44.760 --> 0:11:46.880
<v Speaker 5>And I slept all the way out here from the

0:11:46.880 --> 0:11:50.080
<v Speaker 5>other coast and it's over before it even started, Like

0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:52.280
<v Speaker 5>I thought I was done auditioning.

0:11:52.320 --> 0:11:52.959
<v Speaker 2>Fucking sucks.

0:11:52.960 --> 0:11:53.440
<v Speaker 5>It's horrible.

0:11:53.440 --> 0:11:56.160
<v Speaker 2>I mean, it is really one of the most I think.

0:11:56.360 --> 0:11:58.000
<v Speaker 2>I mean, that's what turned me off of acting. When

0:11:58.040 --> 0:11:59.760
<v Speaker 2>I got out here. Thank goodness I could do other

0:11:59.800 --> 0:12:02.360
<v Speaker 2>things because I was like, I don't know how I'm

0:12:02.360 --> 0:12:05.560
<v Speaker 2>going to nail this. Yeah, it's so unnatural. What an

0:12:05.640 --> 0:12:08.960
<v Speaker 2>unnatural environment and it's degrading and you know, you're sitting

0:12:09.040 --> 0:12:12.640
<v Speaker 2>there like cattle waiting outside a room and then going

0:12:12.679 --> 0:12:16.320
<v Speaker 2>in and everyone's competing that that energy is so bad

0:12:16.480 --> 0:12:17.240
<v Speaker 2>for the soul.

0:12:17.760 --> 0:12:21.200
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, trying to not compeding, but you all know.

0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:22.760
<v Speaker 5>And then you get and then you get called into

0:12:22.800 --> 0:12:26.240
<v Speaker 5>the room and it's whatever the circumstances that you're meant

0:12:26.240 --> 0:12:28.319
<v Speaker 5>to be reading for, it's just it's always going to

0:12:28.360 --> 0:12:30.840
<v Speaker 5>be unnatural. But you have to somehow make it look like,

0:12:30.880 --> 0:12:33.120
<v Speaker 5>oh no, this is completely normal, and like we're in

0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:34.640
<v Speaker 5>this intimate experience and we're not.

0:12:34.960 --> 0:12:36.280
<v Speaker 6>And now we don't even do that anymore.

0:12:36.320 --> 0:12:38.160
<v Speaker 5>No, now we go on zooms and we control it

0:12:38.200 --> 0:12:42.040
<v Speaker 5>or still better, yeah, better, but it's that has its

0:12:42.080 --> 0:12:42.959
<v Speaker 5>own set of problems.

0:12:42.960 --> 0:12:46.199
<v Speaker 8>But yeah, I want to hear about your like your

0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:47.839
<v Speaker 8>audition process or what you were.

0:12:48.200 --> 0:12:51.240
<v Speaker 2>Well. Let me, I once auditioned for a Nike commercial.

0:12:51.280 --> 0:12:53.400
<v Speaker 2>I mean this wasn't a serious thing obviously, but I

0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:55.760
<v Speaker 2>have tons of audition stories. But at some point, at

0:12:55.760 --> 0:12:56.439
<v Speaker 2>a certain point, I.

0:12:56.360 --> 0:12:57.880
<v Speaker 5>Was like, rshoals, that's that was your thing.

0:12:58.000 --> 0:13:01.000
<v Speaker 2>No, I never was my thing. I never booked one.

0:13:01.400 --> 0:13:03.600
<v Speaker 2>But I once auditioned for a Nike commercial and they

0:13:03.720 --> 0:13:06.360
<v Speaker 2>had me and I had to wear short shorts. So

0:13:06.400 --> 0:13:08.440
<v Speaker 2>I remember getting up in the morning in Santa Monica

0:13:08.480 --> 0:13:10.600
<v Speaker 2>and I ran six miles so that my legs were like,

0:13:10.720 --> 0:13:14.200
<v Speaker 2>you know, like like a throbbing penis, basically like they

0:13:14.240 --> 0:13:17.319
<v Speaker 2>were at peak muscle, like you know, you know, after

0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:19.440
<v Speaker 2>a run was when they're like the strongest. And I

0:13:19.480 --> 0:13:21.800
<v Speaker 2>was young. I was like in my twenties. And then

0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:23.720
<v Speaker 2>I got it and they were like, okay, you know,

0:13:24.160 --> 0:13:26.480
<v Speaker 2>this is a dance commercial, so just like do whatever,

0:13:26.559 --> 0:13:29.640
<v Speaker 2>you know, just dance. And I cannot dance. I have

0:13:29.679 --> 0:13:32.720
<v Speaker 2>no rhythm, I can't sing, and I can't dance. Anyone

0:13:32.760 --> 0:13:35.880
<v Speaker 2>who sees me dance it's like, oh wow, but I'm

0:13:35.920 --> 0:13:38.040
<v Speaker 2>now I'm met like I'm fifty. So I'm like, fuck it,

0:13:38.800 --> 0:13:41.400
<v Speaker 2>who cares if I'm a bad dancer. I've already proven

0:13:41.480 --> 0:13:44.120
<v Speaker 2>that I'm good at other things, not dancing. But that's

0:13:44.160 --> 0:13:45.400
<v Speaker 2>not going to stop me. You know, I'll just take

0:13:45.440 --> 0:13:47.640
<v Speaker 2>whatever drugs I need to get me on the dance floor.

0:13:48.000 --> 0:13:51.200
<v Speaker 2>And I remember in the moment, not knowing that I

0:13:51.280 --> 0:13:54.160
<v Speaker 2>had to dance, and them telling me, and it was

0:13:54.200 --> 0:13:57.680
<v Speaker 2>a bunch of Asian people and that were and I

0:13:58.000 --> 0:14:01.960
<v Speaker 2>just basically blacked out, like I blacked out and just

0:14:02.040 --> 0:14:05.960
<v Speaker 2>started running and doing aerobics and just whatever the most

0:14:06.040 --> 0:14:09.880
<v Speaker 2>humiliating version of that could have been was what I did.

0:14:10.480 --> 0:14:12.920
<v Speaker 2>And I didn't look anyone in the eye. I just

0:14:13.040 --> 0:14:15.280
<v Speaker 2>kept spinning around. I was doing it. At one point

0:14:15.320 --> 0:14:17.320
<v Speaker 2>I did a jumping jack and then I was like

0:14:17.400 --> 0:14:20.920
<v Speaker 2>two stepping, and then I ran in certain directions, but

0:14:20.960 --> 0:14:23.240
<v Speaker 2>that there was a wall, and all I remember is

0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:24.720
<v Speaker 2>when is this going to be over? When is this

0:14:24.760 --> 0:14:26.960
<v Speaker 2>going to be over? And I remember just running out

0:14:26.960 --> 0:14:29.760
<v Speaker 2>the door. I said thank you, goodbye, ran out the door,

0:14:29.880 --> 0:14:31.480
<v Speaker 2>and I called my agent and I was like, I

0:14:31.520 --> 0:14:34.320
<v Speaker 2>don't want to audition for commercials anymore, and I know dancing.

0:14:34.800 --> 0:14:37.400
<v Speaker 2>And after that I stopped auditioning for commercials because I

0:14:37.480 --> 0:14:40.120
<v Speaker 2>was like, this is too sure. I can't do. I

0:14:40.160 --> 0:14:42.920
<v Speaker 2>can't subject myself to this kind of shame, Like I'm

0:14:42.960 --> 0:14:45.680
<v Speaker 2>too confident of a person. This will ruin me. And

0:14:45.760 --> 0:14:47.920
<v Speaker 2>it wasn't long after that that I stopped auditioning for

0:14:47.960 --> 0:14:50.520
<v Speaker 2>television stuff too, Like if it was an auditioned situation,

0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:52.760
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, that's not my strong suit. You have to

0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:56.400
<v Speaker 2>audition so many times to be good at it, except

0:14:56.440 --> 0:14:59.000
<v Speaker 2>in your case, you weren't auditioning a lot to be

0:14:59.000 --> 0:15:00.800
<v Speaker 2>good at it. You just nailed it.

0:15:01.040 --> 0:15:03.200
<v Speaker 8>Well, yeah, I guess it was meant to be. But

0:15:03.440 --> 0:15:07.760
<v Speaker 8>I've since that role, I've never really booked much of anything.

0:15:08.000 --> 0:15:08.080
<v Speaker 7>Like.

0:15:08.160 --> 0:15:10.600
<v Speaker 8>That's the funny thing about my stories, Like I got

0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:14.600
<v Speaker 8>this like iconic show, but have like failed as an

0:15:14.600 --> 0:15:18.520
<v Speaker 8>actress ever since. Really yeah yeah, Like and then the

0:15:18.560 --> 0:15:20.600
<v Speaker 8>reboot happened again and I was like, Okay, I'm back

0:15:20.640 --> 0:15:23.400
<v Speaker 8>to play this part again, and then crickets again. It's

0:15:23.520 --> 0:15:25.480
<v Speaker 8>really and I've made peace with it. I'm like, I

0:15:25.480 --> 0:15:27.680
<v Speaker 8>guess that's what I was supposed to do.

0:15:27.960 --> 0:15:29.640
<v Speaker 6>Or I can't do. I don't know what it is,

0:15:29.720 --> 0:15:31.280
<v Speaker 6>but it's it's wild.

0:15:31.360 --> 0:15:34.000
<v Speaker 5>You may count thanks. That is wild.

0:15:34.200 --> 0:15:36.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, that is frustrating. Also, it must have been

0:15:36.960 --> 0:15:39.520
<v Speaker 2>really frustrating for until you made peace with it.

0:15:39.760 --> 0:15:40.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:15:40.040 --> 0:15:42.360
<v Speaker 8>I mean when the show ended, I thought, Okay, great,

0:15:42.360 --> 0:15:44.280
<v Speaker 8>I'm gonna go on to do I mean I did

0:15:44.320 --> 0:15:44.440
<v Speaker 8>do it.

0:15:44.800 --> 0:15:47.120
<v Speaker 5>Lisha did a thing where when we the show ended,

0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:49.480
<v Speaker 5>the original show ended, Lisha had a band and she said,

0:15:49.480 --> 0:15:51.920
<v Speaker 5>I'm going to go off touring. Yeah, the band And

0:15:52.240 --> 0:15:55.280
<v Speaker 5>whenever anytime you're you're coming off a long running show,

0:15:55.400 --> 0:15:58.680
<v Speaker 5>everyone not everyone, but sort of this unspoken thing where

0:15:58.720 --> 0:16:01.200
<v Speaker 5>people realize, oh, you have like a to kind of

0:16:01.600 --> 0:16:06.360
<v Speaker 5>see where you can take that influence and maybe directed

0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:08.920
<v Speaker 5>into a different into another job, right, And that's when

0:16:08.920 --> 0:16:09.720
<v Speaker 5>you took off.

0:16:09.560 --> 0:16:11.400
<v Speaker 6>And yeah, and everyone else went on to do so

0:16:11.520 --> 0:16:11.960
<v Speaker 6>other things.

0:16:11.960 --> 0:16:14.160
<v Speaker 5>Everyone else was like trying to utilize that little momentum.

0:16:14.200 --> 0:16:15.720
<v Speaker 5>We had to say, Oh, let's see if it's just good.

0:16:15.880 --> 0:16:17.160
<v Speaker 2>How many years was the l word on?

0:16:17.800 --> 0:16:20.840
<v Speaker 8>It was six season, six seasons the original was six

0:16:21.000 --> 0:16:22.000
<v Speaker 8>and three in the.

0:16:21.920 --> 0:16:24.080
<v Speaker 2>Reboot and three in the reboot. And did you direct

0:16:24.120 --> 0:16:25.640
<v Speaker 2>one of the episodes from the reboot?

0:16:25.840 --> 0:16:29.160
<v Speaker 8>Yeah, yeah, which something always wanted to do. But yeah,

0:16:29.240 --> 0:16:31.160
<v Speaker 8>it's the life of an actor kind.

0:16:30.960 --> 0:16:32.960
<v Speaker 5>Of, it's not. It's not for the faint at heart.

0:16:33.040 --> 0:16:37.000
<v Speaker 5>And now it's shifted in a completely different way that.

0:16:37.200 --> 0:16:38.600
<v Speaker 2>How do you think it's shifted now?

0:16:39.000 --> 0:16:41.960
<v Speaker 5>Well, for one, you can't get into rooms anymore, so

0:16:42.040 --> 0:16:45.080
<v Speaker 5>everything's just based on your zoom audition, so there's never

0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:49.000
<v Speaker 5>any feedback. And because there's so many mergers and all

0:16:49.000 --> 0:16:53.000
<v Speaker 5>these companies are either forming or breaking apart, it's it's

0:16:53.240 --> 0:16:55.320
<v Speaker 5>nothing is safe. I think part of the reason why

0:16:55.600 --> 0:16:58.240
<v Speaker 5>why our reboot got canceled is because of a merger,

0:16:58.760 --> 0:17:01.640
<v Speaker 5>and you just even when a project seems like it's

0:17:01.640 --> 0:17:03.840
<v Speaker 5>going to be great, well well maybe not because either

0:17:03.840 --> 0:17:06.520
<v Speaker 5>our company is going to fold into another one or

0:17:07.359 --> 0:17:09.720
<v Speaker 5>that's no longer the direction, or a new president is

0:17:09.760 --> 0:17:13.080
<v Speaker 5>coming in, and it's just this nothing settled yet.

0:17:13.400 --> 0:17:15.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's so weird. It's like there's so much money

0:17:15.440 --> 0:17:18.480
<v Speaker 2>in entertainment and there's so many platforms now, yet there

0:17:18.560 --> 0:17:22.520
<v Speaker 2>seems to be like a contraction happening, you know, severe contraction,

0:17:22.640 --> 0:17:24.840
<v Speaker 2>and it doesn't really add up because all the money's

0:17:24.840 --> 0:17:26.760
<v Speaker 2>at the top, you know, they don't want to distribute

0:17:26.760 --> 0:17:31.000
<v Speaker 2>it down like evenly to anyone. So it's just like greedy, greedy, greedy.

0:17:31.040 --> 0:17:33.680
<v Speaker 2>I guess it's a reflection of what's happening in Washington, really,

0:17:33.760 --> 0:17:35.760
<v Speaker 2>you know, it's kind of the same thing. It's like

0:17:35.840 --> 0:17:38.119
<v Speaker 2>people are so greedy they don't want to pay. But

0:17:38.320 --> 0:17:40.399
<v Speaker 2>so talk let's talk about the experience of being on

0:17:40.480 --> 0:17:43.040
<v Speaker 2>the L word. What that meant to you, because it

0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:46.800
<v Speaker 2>was really the only show about lesbians and such a

0:17:46.920 --> 0:17:49.760
<v Speaker 2>huge success on Showtime.

0:17:49.600 --> 0:17:51.119
<v Speaker 5>Right, did you ever see it?

0:17:51.200 --> 0:17:51.360
<v Speaker 7>Yeah?

0:17:51.400 --> 0:17:52.200
<v Speaker 2>Of course, of course.

0:17:52.280 --> 0:17:53.040
<v Speaker 5>Yeah.

0:17:53.080 --> 0:17:55.040
<v Speaker 2>And you don't think only lesbians watched it?

0:17:55.520 --> 0:17:58.800
<v Speaker 5>No, Actually, for fact, a lot of straight women.

0:17:58.960 --> 0:18:02.200
<v Speaker 8>Yeah, yeah, they really identified with the friendships.

0:18:02.200 --> 0:18:04.520
<v Speaker 2>I think, yes, yeah, let's talk about that. Let's talk

0:18:04.520 --> 0:18:08.600
<v Speaker 2>about the French. It's so funny because with heterosexual people

0:18:08.800 --> 0:18:11.440
<v Speaker 2>like it's I just had this conversation the other day,

0:18:11.520 --> 0:18:13.000
<v Speaker 2>like I think, or maybe it was somebody who called

0:18:13.000 --> 0:18:16.840
<v Speaker 2>into the podcast. We were talking about like you wouldn't

0:18:16.880 --> 0:18:19.600
<v Speaker 2>be talking about these feelings if it wasn't a straight

0:18:19.640 --> 0:18:21.280
<v Speaker 2>man and you were a straight woman. And they were

0:18:21.280 --> 0:18:23.199
<v Speaker 2>both like you know, in other relationships, and they were

0:18:23.200 --> 0:18:25.679
<v Speaker 2>talking about their friendship and if there were feelings, and

0:18:25.680 --> 0:18:28.720
<v Speaker 2>it's like, oh, you can have male friends without having

0:18:28.800 --> 0:18:33.119
<v Speaker 2>sexual feelings. But at the inception of meeting every man

0:18:33.359 --> 0:18:36.439
<v Speaker 2>and woman when there's a HEATERO, when they're both heterosexual,

0:18:36.600 --> 0:18:40.520
<v Speaker 2>there's always the glance over of like what I fuck you? Yeah?

0:18:40.600 --> 0:18:43.200
<v Speaker 2>Am I attracted to you? Do I find you attractive?

0:18:43.400 --> 0:18:45.920
<v Speaker 2>Like that's the first thing that comes to your mind?

0:18:46.400 --> 0:18:48.240
<v Speaker 2>And because of how we've all been trained, you know,

0:18:48.400 --> 0:18:52.280
<v Speaker 2>like and this, but with lesbians and friendships, I want

0:18:52.320 --> 0:18:55.280
<v Speaker 2>to explore that more and talk about that because that

0:18:55.520 --> 0:18:57.679
<v Speaker 2>was depicted on the show so well, well we.

0:18:57.760 --> 0:19:00.720
<v Speaker 6>Will assume that like if your friends, you're.

0:19:00.560 --> 0:19:02.320
<v Speaker 5>Obviously going to be sleeping.

0:19:02.600 --> 0:19:03.440
<v Speaker 6>It's the same thing.

0:19:04.080 --> 0:19:06.640
<v Speaker 5>Like everyone shocked that Lisha and I have never crossed

0:19:06.640 --> 0:19:10.320
<v Speaker 5>that line because it's such a rarity, actually because a

0:19:10.320 --> 0:19:13.920
<v Speaker 5>lot of it's I do. I think kind I do. Yeah,

0:19:14.359 --> 0:19:17.439
<v Speaker 5>It's normal for like two women to like be together

0:19:17.480 --> 0:19:19.600
<v Speaker 5>at one point, break up, and then ten years down

0:19:19.600 --> 0:19:21.920
<v Speaker 5>the line they're best friends, like to the point where

0:19:21.920 --> 0:19:24.159
<v Speaker 5>they're family. You and I we never know.

0:19:24.359 --> 0:19:26.359
<v Speaker 6>Never, we never crossed, and we never wanted to.

0:19:26.640 --> 0:19:26.880
<v Speaker 2>Never.

0:19:26.960 --> 0:19:28.480
<v Speaker 6>It never would bring to either one of us.

0:19:28.600 --> 0:19:30.080
<v Speaker 5>No, that would just be unnatural.

0:19:30.160 --> 0:19:33.280
<v Speaker 2>I find when lesbian, all of my lesbian friends, when

0:19:33.320 --> 0:19:35.760
<v Speaker 2>one of them breaks up, like six of them break up.

0:19:36.200 --> 0:19:39.879
<v Speaker 2>It happens in seasons, like so when they break up

0:19:39.880 --> 0:19:42.760
<v Speaker 2>with a partner, a long term partner is domino. It's

0:19:42.760 --> 0:19:43.840
<v Speaker 2>a domino effects.

0:19:44.200 --> 0:19:44.640
<v Speaker 5>Interesting.

0:19:44.720 --> 0:19:47.840
<v Speaker 2>Right now I'm experiencing three sets of lesbian couples that

0:19:47.880 --> 0:19:48.520
<v Speaker 2>are breaking up.

0:19:48.880 --> 0:19:50.440
<v Speaker 6>I have major relationships.

0:19:50.480 --> 0:19:53.760
<v Speaker 5>You're like, I've never I'm going to pay attention to that.

0:19:53.800 --> 0:19:54.480
<v Speaker 5>I've never noticed it.

0:19:54.560 --> 0:19:56.680
<v Speaker 2>I know, it's very strange. I mean, I think that's

0:19:56.720 --> 0:19:58.560
<v Speaker 2>the advantage of being a straight person and being so

0:19:58.640 --> 0:20:01.560
<v Speaker 2>immersed in lesbian in world. I have so many lesbians

0:20:01.560 --> 0:20:03.879
<v Speaker 2>in my life, so I get the best of both worlds.

0:20:04.119 --> 0:20:06.320
<v Speaker 2>I assume at some point I will transition into being

0:20:06.359 --> 0:20:08.879
<v Speaker 2>a full blown lesbian just because the writing is on

0:20:08.880 --> 0:20:12.679
<v Speaker 2>the wall there. So I guess they're just waiting for

0:20:12.720 --> 0:20:13.360
<v Speaker 2>me to come over.

0:20:13.600 --> 0:20:20.640
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, you'd be welcome to your open arms, of course.

0:20:21.400 --> 0:20:24.199
<v Speaker 2>So what was the experience like of being able to

0:20:24.280 --> 0:20:28.119
<v Speaker 2>depict that in a truthful, healthy way, like what like

0:20:28.240 --> 0:20:29.719
<v Speaker 2>sharing that experience together?

0:20:29.880 --> 0:20:32.840
<v Speaker 5>Well, it's interesting because I think the perception outside of

0:20:32.880 --> 0:20:35.560
<v Speaker 5>our show is that it was so it was only

0:20:35.600 --> 0:20:37.960
<v Speaker 5>designed for the male gaze, and that was a lot

0:20:37.960 --> 0:20:41.199
<v Speaker 5>of critique we always heard. And Yeah, everyone thought, oh,

0:20:41.200 --> 0:20:43.399
<v Speaker 5>it's only for straight men to get off on into

0:20:43.520 --> 0:20:45.040
<v Speaker 5>like and it's clearly being directed.

0:20:45.119 --> 0:20:47.680
<v Speaker 2>Why is every everything's for to serve up to straight man?

0:20:47.760 --> 0:20:49.760
<v Speaker 5>Precisely? And the irony is that the whole show was

0:20:49.840 --> 0:20:54.200
<v Speaker 5>run by women and and written by Yeah, and so

0:20:54.320 --> 0:20:58.280
<v Speaker 5>it actually had like you said this before, and it's

0:20:58.359 --> 0:21:00.960
<v Speaker 5>true that like women can sexualize each other as well.

0:21:01.000 --> 0:21:03.919
<v Speaker 5>It wasn't just objectified and objectify each other. It's not

0:21:04.040 --> 0:21:06.040
<v Speaker 5>just for men. And so that was sort of a

0:21:06.119 --> 0:21:09.880
<v Speaker 5>disconnect that we on the show always thought, there's that's

0:21:09.880 --> 0:21:12.200
<v Speaker 5>so off base actually to what's really going on here?

0:21:12.600 --> 0:21:12.960
<v Speaker 8>M hmm.

0:21:13.320 --> 0:21:15.359
<v Speaker 2>I mean if you guys had a male creator and

0:21:15.400 --> 0:21:17.440
<v Speaker 2>a male director, I mean, can you imagine the ship

0:21:17.480 --> 0:21:21.840
<v Speaker 2>you would have gotten. Well, maybe we would have been

0:21:21.880 --> 0:21:24.480
<v Speaker 2>fine actually because people wouldn't have called it out right.

0:21:24.600 --> 0:21:26.560
<v Speaker 8>We did have male directors and they were all great,

0:21:26.600 --> 0:21:29.320
<v Speaker 8>like everyone took it really seriously, like everyone felt the

0:21:29.359 --> 0:21:30.360
<v Speaker 8>pressure to get it right.

0:21:30.720 --> 0:21:31.520
<v Speaker 6>I was like, okay, this.

0:21:31.560 --> 0:21:33.639
<v Speaker 5>Is like all the male directors were always saying, is

0:21:33.640 --> 0:21:35.399
<v Speaker 5>this right? Is okay? Like I don't want to make you,

0:21:35.440 --> 0:21:37.040
<v Speaker 5>I don't want to push it or anything, and so

0:21:37.400 --> 0:21:41.960
<v Speaker 5>they always they've always left it up to us to decide, oh,

0:21:42.000 --> 0:21:44.159
<v Speaker 5>you're like pushing the boundary. And they'd listen. If we

0:21:44.280 --> 0:21:47.560
<v Speaker 5>had extreme critique to an idea they had, they go okay, fine, yeah.

0:21:47.560 --> 0:21:50.199
<v Speaker 8>And it was way before intimacy coordinators, which are like

0:21:50.720 --> 0:21:52.440
<v Speaker 8>now it's like it's a whole thing now.

0:21:52.480 --> 0:21:53.480
<v Speaker 1>But I mean we're gonna have.

0:21:53.480 --> 0:21:55.320
<v Speaker 2>Intimacy coordinators in our real lives that.

0:21:57.280 --> 0:21:57.960
<v Speaker 6>Come on right now.

0:21:58.040 --> 0:22:02.400
<v Speaker 2>I mean, like, I mean that's how serious intimacy coordinators

0:22:02.440 --> 0:22:02.800
<v Speaker 2>have gotten.

0:22:02.960 --> 0:22:03.199
<v Speaker 5>You know.

0:22:03.520 --> 0:22:05.159
<v Speaker 8>Back then, we were just like we would work it

0:22:05.160 --> 0:22:08.000
<v Speaker 8>out with each other, with the director, like it was

0:22:08.040 --> 0:22:08.760
<v Speaker 8>all just like.

0:22:08.760 --> 0:22:10.480
<v Speaker 5>I was always on the day. It was like we'd

0:22:10.480 --> 0:22:12.240
<v Speaker 5>be on set and we'd say, all right, let's figure

0:22:12.240 --> 0:22:12.439
<v Speaker 5>this out.

0:22:12.480 --> 0:22:13.679
<v Speaker 6>How are we going to do how are we going

0:22:13.720 --> 0:22:14.080
<v Speaker 6>to do this?

0:22:14.280 --> 0:22:17.760
<v Speaker 8>Yeah, But to answer your question earlier, like because I

0:22:17.920 --> 0:22:20.080
<v Speaker 8>was out and like I was like the only gay

0:22:20.080 --> 0:22:21.639
<v Speaker 8>one at the time, even though.

0:22:21.560 --> 0:22:23.719
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you were still dating men right when the show started.

0:22:24.359 --> 0:22:27.359
<v Speaker 5>Not really No, like I had, I had dated guys,

0:22:27.440 --> 0:22:29.520
<v Speaker 5>but I wasn't. I don't think I was dating anyone

0:22:29.600 --> 0:22:30.399
<v Speaker 5>when that show started.

0:22:30.440 --> 0:22:31.240
<v Speaker 6>Had just broken up.

0:22:31.280 --> 0:22:33.720
<v Speaker 5>But maybe I just stopped like dating some guy, but

0:22:33.920 --> 0:22:36.760
<v Speaker 5>I was sort of it was nothing serious serious when

0:22:36.760 --> 0:22:40.560
<v Speaker 5>I got up to Canada. But go ahead, that's right, Canada, Canada.

0:22:40.920 --> 0:22:45.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, but we're all going back there, so yes,

0:22:45.760 --> 0:22:50.720
<v Speaker 2>I'm slowly transitioning into Canada permanently before they become the

0:22:50.760 --> 0:22:53.800
<v Speaker 2>fifty first state. Anyway, Oh my god, let's not talk

0:22:53.840 --> 0:22:56.439
<v Speaker 2>about that. Let's keep things happening.

0:22:56.560 --> 0:23:01.520
<v Speaker 8>Yes, back to Pussy Yeah, No, I I like I

0:23:01.680 --> 0:23:06.639
<v Speaker 8>felt this responsibility to represent our community correctly. But I

0:23:07.160 --> 0:23:09.840
<v Speaker 8>didn't even know the impact the show is going to have.

0:23:10.320 --> 0:23:11.600
<v Speaker 8>Like I thought it was going to be this really

0:23:11.680 --> 0:23:15.760
<v Speaker 8>underground in the TV show that what everybody.

0:23:15.520 --> 0:23:18.800
<v Speaker 5>Saw, but everybody wanted to get it. Yes, we had

0:23:18.800 --> 0:23:20.879
<v Speaker 5>an we had a we had a sexpert show up

0:23:21.280 --> 0:23:25.159
<v Speaker 5>during the pilot with a big binder talking about like

0:23:25.320 --> 0:23:27.440
<v Speaker 5>talking about sex toys and.

0:23:27.280 --> 0:23:30.360
<v Speaker 6>How like a toolbox and all these and all these.

0:23:30.480 --> 0:23:33.040
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, all of these, like all these all these apparatuses

0:23:33.080 --> 0:23:35.200
<v Speaker 5>to be like, okay, so here are all the options one has.

0:23:35.480 --> 0:23:38.320
<v Speaker 5>And everyone was sitting there like, oh okay, okay, and like

0:23:38.400 --> 0:23:40.399
<v Speaker 5>there was a whole seminar about it. So everyone had

0:23:40.400 --> 0:23:44.320
<v Speaker 5>a really clear agenda. No one wanted to fuck it up.

0:23:44.480 --> 0:23:50.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I don't know. I think we all. I thought

0:23:50.480 --> 0:23:54.359
<v Speaker 2>you were going to continue, okay, but with the with

0:23:54.440 --> 0:23:57.200
<v Speaker 2>the recognition, I mean, I'm sure here in town, right,

0:23:57.359 --> 0:24:01.080
<v Speaker 2>obviously you were being people were approaching you all the time.

0:24:01.160 --> 0:24:02.240
<v Speaker 2>Oh they weren't.

0:24:02.359 --> 0:24:05.320
<v Speaker 5>No, really, you know way, No, we were in Canada.

0:24:05.600 --> 0:24:09.199
<v Speaker 5>No one cared about us. Oh we lived in Canada

0:24:09.240 --> 0:24:10.200
<v Speaker 5>for like nine months.

0:24:10.359 --> 0:24:14.440
<v Speaker 2>Oh oh I'm sorry, I'm I'm but so you weren't

0:24:14.480 --> 0:24:15.600
<v Speaker 2>living in La at all.

0:24:16.000 --> 0:24:18.480
<v Speaker 5>No, we weren't doing hiatus, but no one when we

0:24:18.520 --> 0:24:20.680
<v Speaker 5>got home. I don't think anyone really seemed to care

0:24:20.720 --> 0:24:23.600
<v Speaker 5>that much. Really, Yeah, unless you went to a gay bar,

0:24:23.680 --> 0:24:25.760
<v Speaker 5>it was. That was a different story. It was different

0:24:26.080 --> 0:24:27.199
<v Speaker 5>wandering down the street.

0:24:28.640 --> 0:24:31.280
<v Speaker 8>Yeah, it was kind of like a like an insular

0:24:31.840 --> 0:24:32.800
<v Speaker 8>fame like it was.

0:24:32.880 --> 0:24:35.199
<v Speaker 5>It was very you know totally.

0:24:36.240 --> 0:24:38.760
<v Speaker 8>It was very big in the gay community. But like

0:24:38.880 --> 0:24:41.160
<v Speaker 8>if you go to like Ralph's Supermarket, you're fine.

0:24:41.240 --> 0:24:44.040
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, like Perez Hilton wasn't didn't care about us whatever,

0:24:44.160 --> 0:24:45.400
<v Speaker 5>you know, he didn't care.

0:24:45.520 --> 0:24:47.280
<v Speaker 2>When is Perez Hilton going to go away?

0:24:47.960 --> 0:24:48.200
<v Speaker 6>Question?

0:24:48.359 --> 0:24:52.880
<v Speaker 2>Thought the most repugnant. I mean, honestly, he didn't. Didn't

0:24:52.880 --> 0:24:55.119
<v Speaker 2>he go He went away, but he's back. I mean,

0:24:56.400 --> 0:24:58.680
<v Speaker 2>but he's in the ether and every once in a

0:24:58.720 --> 0:25:00.679
<v Speaker 2>while he pops up on my with them. I'm like,

0:25:00.960 --> 0:25:04.359
<v Speaker 2>this guy is like, what are those lizards? Lizards that

0:25:04.480 --> 0:25:06.879
<v Speaker 2>just can recreate and you cut their tail off and

0:25:06.880 --> 0:25:08.880
<v Speaker 2>then they come back and they grow. I mean, talk

0:25:08.920 --> 0:25:13.320
<v Speaker 2>about toxic, talk about negative. Oh my god, he's the worst. Anyway,

0:25:13.359 --> 0:25:17.600
<v Speaker 2>that's a sidebar. Okay. So after the show ended, when

0:25:17.800 --> 0:25:19.680
<v Speaker 2>when it did end and you went on tour? Where

0:25:19.680 --> 0:25:20.679
<v Speaker 2>did you go on tour? I?

0:25:20.960 --> 0:25:23.080
<v Speaker 8>Yeah, all all around the world. It was really fun.

0:25:23.080 --> 0:25:26.439
<v Speaker 8>I had a fan yeah called uhhh hear. And it

0:25:26.560 --> 0:25:28.399
<v Speaker 8>was a blast and I loved doing it and I

0:25:28.400 --> 0:25:32.359
<v Speaker 8>felt really like at home in a band. So that

0:25:32.520 --> 0:25:34.440
<v Speaker 8>was great, and I did, yeah, I just didn't concentrate

0:25:34.480 --> 0:25:37.040
<v Speaker 8>on getting another show. And like Kate went off to.

0:25:37.040 --> 0:25:40.800
<v Speaker 5>Do, I played a doctor and you played.

0:25:40.520 --> 0:25:44.920
<v Speaker 8>A doctor and then you run Ray Donovan forever? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:25:44.600 --> 0:25:47.000
<v Speaker 2>And so how did how do your other acting experiences

0:25:47.000 --> 0:25:48.200
<v Speaker 2>compared to being on The L Word?

0:25:48.520 --> 0:25:52.439
<v Speaker 5>It was like night and day, really completely well. I

0:25:52.480 --> 0:25:54.720
<v Speaker 5>went from our show, which was on cable where you

0:25:54.720 --> 0:25:58.080
<v Speaker 5>could get away with anything, to network television where you

0:25:58.119 --> 0:26:00.919
<v Speaker 5>couldn't get away with with a single thing, and so

0:26:00.960 --> 0:26:03.919
<v Speaker 5>it was very controlled. I don't think they knew what

0:26:04.040 --> 0:26:06.800
<v Speaker 5>really to do with me necessarily. I didn't have that

0:26:06.960 --> 0:26:09.720
<v Speaker 5>kind of look that would cater to their audience, and

0:26:09.760 --> 0:26:11.480
<v Speaker 5>so I was sort of shoved off to the side

0:26:11.520 --> 0:26:11.760
<v Speaker 5>a bit.

0:26:11.800 --> 0:26:13.639
<v Speaker 2>And do you think you but do you think you

0:26:13.720 --> 0:26:15.400
<v Speaker 2>got that job because of the L Word?

0:26:15.640 --> 0:26:18.639
<v Speaker 5>I think I got that job because of a producer

0:26:18.800 --> 0:26:21.120
<v Speaker 5>named Curtis Hansen who fought for me. I don't think

0:26:21.160 --> 0:26:23.560
<v Speaker 5>I got that job because CBS was like, yeah, let's

0:26:23.560 --> 0:26:26.960
<v Speaker 5>get her. Absolutely not. And that was a very short

0:26:26.960 --> 0:26:29.800
<v Speaker 5>lived job, and then I luckily landed on Ray Donovan

0:26:29.880 --> 0:26:31.879
<v Speaker 5>that just kept going and going, and going, And that

0:26:32.000 --> 0:26:33.920
<v Speaker 5>was back on showtime, so at least I didn't have

0:26:33.960 --> 0:26:36.199
<v Speaker 5>to prove myself right, So I shut up and I

0:26:36.200 --> 0:26:38.040
<v Speaker 5>was like, you guys know me, you know what I

0:26:38.080 --> 0:26:41.600
<v Speaker 5>can do. So I felt more at home there than

0:26:41.600 --> 0:26:42.520
<v Speaker 5>I did on mainstream.

0:26:42.960 --> 0:26:45.760
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's interesting, I mean not surprising. You know, mainstream

0:26:45.800 --> 0:26:49.000
<v Speaker 2>television is just like such a cudgel. It's just so

0:26:49.160 --> 0:26:51.960
<v Speaker 2>it's first of all, getting notes from a network. Well

0:26:51.960 --> 0:26:55.280
<v Speaker 2>that was the thing, so obtrusive. It's like you're not

0:26:55.359 --> 0:26:58.560
<v Speaker 2>a creator at all. Like the whole system seems like

0:26:58.600 --> 0:26:59.680
<v Speaker 2>it needs to be broken.

0:27:00.280 --> 0:27:03.200
<v Speaker 5>Yeah it was, Yeah, it was. Everyone gave notes, and

0:27:03.400 --> 0:27:07.560
<v Speaker 5>assistance of people gave notes. There's always notes getting thrown around.

0:27:07.280 --> 0:27:10.040
<v Speaker 2>And sometimes the note giving is just like an exercise

0:27:10.160 --> 0:27:14.240
<v Speaker 2>of giving notes. They're just pretending to be doing a job, right, Yeah,

0:27:14.359 --> 0:27:16.040
<v Speaker 2>because they have to give you They can't be like

0:27:16.080 --> 0:27:16.879
<v Speaker 2>we have no notes.

0:27:16.960 --> 0:27:20.040
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, and they have to justify their existence precisely.

0:27:20.160 --> 0:27:21.040
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, it's yeah.

0:27:21.280 --> 0:27:24.439
<v Speaker 8>Don't they like catchphrases like easter egg or you know,

0:27:24.520 --> 0:27:25.160
<v Speaker 8>like they have things.

0:27:25.200 --> 0:27:28.280
<v Speaker 5>No, it's more like can you not. Oh it's it's

0:27:28.960 --> 0:27:31.080
<v Speaker 5>it varies. I mean it can go from like appeerence

0:27:31.160 --> 0:27:33.240
<v Speaker 5>down to how you're delivering a line. God only knows,

0:27:33.280 --> 0:27:35.720
<v Speaker 5>but it gets to a point where you have to say,

0:27:35.760 --> 0:27:38.040
<v Speaker 5>I'm not no, stop, like I'm not doing it, and

0:27:38.320 --> 0:27:40.280
<v Speaker 5>what you're not doing it? It's like, I'm not doing it.

0:27:40.440 --> 0:27:42.119
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, I'm not trying great at that.

0:27:42.119 --> 0:27:42.520
<v Speaker 2>That's good.

0:27:42.640 --> 0:27:44.080
<v Speaker 6>She's always good at the nose.

0:27:44.400 --> 0:27:44.920
<v Speaker 2>That's nice.

0:27:44.960 --> 0:27:47.280
<v Speaker 5>I've been. Yeah, it's been like a lifelong like since

0:27:47.280 --> 0:27:50.280
<v Speaker 5>we've known each other for what like twenties, a long time,

0:27:50.320 --> 0:27:52.160
<v Speaker 5>and I've been trying to teach other word no from

0:27:52.400 --> 0:27:52.800
<v Speaker 5>day one.

0:27:52.880 --> 0:27:55.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I can see. I can see that from reading

0:27:55.200 --> 0:27:57.320
<v Speaker 2>your book, that you guys that you're good at no

0:27:57.480 --> 0:27:58.040
<v Speaker 2>and you're.

0:27:58.040 --> 0:28:01.160
<v Speaker 5>Not Yeah, like I know, is a complete sentence.

0:28:01.280 --> 0:28:04.040
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely, I love it. I mean even I've had to

0:28:04.119 --> 0:28:05.959
<v Speaker 2>learn how to say no and people would be surprised

0:28:05.960 --> 0:28:06.240
<v Speaker 2>to hear it.

0:28:06.359 --> 0:28:08.760
<v Speaker 6>I am surprised right now. Yeah you really?

0:28:08.880 --> 0:28:11.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, absolutely, because I want to. I want to I

0:28:11.680 --> 0:28:14.160
<v Speaker 2>want to be generous with my time, and you get

0:28:14.200 --> 0:28:16.480
<v Speaker 2>confused about what that means. You know what I mean,

0:28:17.040 --> 0:28:20.639
<v Speaker 2>Generosity with your time doesn't necessarily mean saying yes to everything.

0:28:20.920 --> 0:28:24.080
<v Speaker 2>You can be generous and also say no. So that

0:28:24.160 --> 0:28:27.600
<v Speaker 2>took a long time to understand because I yeah, And

0:28:28.080 --> 0:28:30.359
<v Speaker 2>I wanted to be one of those people who you

0:28:30.359 --> 0:28:32.960
<v Speaker 2>could rely on to do anything like the out. I'll

0:28:33.000 --> 0:28:35.240
<v Speaker 2>do that, don't worry, I'll deal with that.

0:28:35.320 --> 0:28:36.639
<v Speaker 6>You know, you can handle it.

0:28:36.720 --> 0:28:38.400
<v Speaker 2>I can handle it. And then you realize you're just

0:28:38.400 --> 0:28:41.200
<v Speaker 2>subscribing to being in the boys club. And then you're like, wait, wait, wait,

0:28:41.240 --> 0:28:43.160
<v Speaker 2>I'm catering to men right now. I actually want to

0:28:43.200 --> 0:28:45.560
<v Speaker 2>be catering to women less men. So it's like that.

0:28:45.680 --> 0:28:47.479
<v Speaker 2>I had to go through that a little bit, uh

0:28:47.760 --> 0:28:49.560
<v Speaker 2>not a little bit, a lot, but I yeah, I

0:28:49.840 --> 0:28:53.400
<v Speaker 2>understood it, recognized it, and then fixed it. Was there

0:28:53.520 --> 0:28:56.680
<v Speaker 2>like an episode to you that really was more meaningful

0:28:56.760 --> 0:28:58.120
<v Speaker 2>than any of the others.

0:28:58.560 --> 0:29:00.760
<v Speaker 5>An episode world, oh.

0:29:00.600 --> 0:29:02.600
<v Speaker 6>God, meaningful. I don't know.

0:29:02.680 --> 0:29:03.120
<v Speaker 5>I don't know.

0:29:03.640 --> 0:29:06.920
<v Speaker 2>I found to you it was so long.

0:29:07.000 --> 0:29:09.960
<v Speaker 8>It was soap opera too, like let's not like over

0:29:10.280 --> 0:29:13.880
<v Speaker 8>you know, I mean, it was silly, and maybe the overall,

0:29:14.160 --> 0:29:17.760
<v Speaker 8>maybe the overall series how to yeah, more meaning than

0:29:17.880 --> 0:29:19.440
<v Speaker 8>each individual.

0:29:19.680 --> 0:29:20.080
<v Speaker 2>Some of it.

0:29:20.200 --> 0:29:23.560
<v Speaker 8>I think it like broke down barriers. I think it

0:29:23.760 --> 0:29:27.640
<v Speaker 8>opened eyes, like it showed people not just one character

0:29:27.680 --> 0:29:30.000
<v Speaker 8>like you always see like one lesbian or like one

0:29:30.080 --> 0:29:33.200
<v Speaker 8>lesbi or they die or they're coming out. It's always

0:29:33.200 --> 0:29:35.200
<v Speaker 8>a coming out story, but this was like, no, we're

0:29:35.240 --> 0:29:39.040
<v Speaker 8>like functioning women in the world. We have careers, we

0:29:39.080 --> 0:29:41.800
<v Speaker 8>have friendships, we have relationships, like that's what it did

0:29:41.840 --> 0:29:44.800
<v Speaker 8>it and we like to yeah, and there's that, you know,

0:29:44.840 --> 0:29:46.959
<v Speaker 8>and it's like, I don't know, it just was this

0:29:47.200 --> 0:29:48.120
<v Speaker 8>well rounded.

0:29:48.320 --> 0:29:50.320
<v Speaker 5>It's hard to think. It's hard to think of one

0:29:50.360 --> 0:29:51.840
<v Speaker 5>episode because my memories.

0:29:52.080 --> 0:29:54.840
<v Speaker 2>No, I can understand that. It's so interesting when you

0:29:54.880 --> 0:29:57.760
<v Speaker 2>look at especially in our industry, there are so many

0:29:57.760 --> 0:30:00.440
<v Speaker 2>women that become late in life lesbians. Yeah, are so

0:30:00.520 --> 0:30:02.600
<v Speaker 2>many women who get divorced and they're like, I'm done

0:30:02.640 --> 0:30:05.719
<v Speaker 2>with this, I'm done with men, and then they're lesbians.

0:30:05.760 --> 0:30:08.080
<v Speaker 2>And it's like it's almost I don't know, if it's

0:30:08.080 --> 0:30:09.960
<v Speaker 2>a sign of the times that we live in where

0:30:10.320 --> 0:30:14.120
<v Speaker 2>men have just outworn you know, they're welcome and everyone,

0:30:14.240 --> 0:30:16.200
<v Speaker 2>all of their secrets have been exposed and we're just

0:30:16.280 --> 0:30:18.600
<v Speaker 2>done with it, or if this happens in every generation

0:30:19.160 --> 0:30:21.920
<v Speaker 2>you know, where they're where a woman is fifty or

0:30:22.160 --> 0:30:24.400
<v Speaker 2>forties and fifties and starts going, you know what, I

0:30:24.440 --> 0:30:25.640
<v Speaker 2>don't want to be with men anymore.

0:30:25.720 --> 0:30:28.720
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, I don't have to. I have choices, like do.

0:30:28.720 --> 0:30:31.360
<v Speaker 2>You think that happens during every generation, even I mean

0:30:31.360 --> 0:30:32.240
<v Speaker 2>it's all come.

0:30:32.280 --> 0:30:35.480
<v Speaker 5>Around, It's always been around, but now there's gay people

0:30:35.480 --> 0:30:40.320
<v Speaker 5>are new. But there's less there's a less binary way

0:30:40.320 --> 0:30:42.680
<v Speaker 5>of looking at everything. So, you know, I look at

0:30:42.840 --> 0:30:45.360
<v Speaker 5>how teenagers look at themselves and they say I'm open

0:30:45.400 --> 0:30:48.920
<v Speaker 5>to anything, and that's translating into people our age, and

0:30:48.920 --> 0:30:51.640
<v Speaker 5>I think that's wonderful. So it's there's not so much fear,

0:30:51.720 --> 0:30:53.560
<v Speaker 5>and it's just you can be whoever you are and

0:30:53.560 --> 0:30:55.920
<v Speaker 5>you don't have to label it and who you love

0:30:55.960 --> 0:30:57.480
<v Speaker 5>is who you love And that sounds like a super

0:30:57.560 --> 0:31:01.400
<v Speaker 5>cheesy motto, but it's true. And I think the less

0:31:01.480 --> 0:31:04.480
<v Speaker 5>labeling is I think helping people accept who they are more.

0:31:04.840 --> 0:31:07.400
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I decided. I was at a I got a

0:31:07.440 --> 0:31:10.960
<v Speaker 2>mammogram the other day and they were asking like ethnicity,

0:31:11.440 --> 0:31:13.440
<v Speaker 2>and I was like, I'm not answering these questions anymore.

0:31:13.480 --> 0:31:16.880
<v Speaker 2>You know what, it's outdated. You have to update your forum.

0:31:17.360 --> 0:31:20.400
<v Speaker 2>It doesn't matter if I'm married or not. It doesn't

0:31:20.400 --> 0:31:23.560
<v Speaker 2>matter if I'm white or Asian or Caucasian or you know.

0:31:23.720 --> 0:31:25.480
<v Speaker 1>I was at the doctor the other day, where are

0:31:25.480 --> 0:31:28.200
<v Speaker 1>these Yeah, there was a line that said, what is

0:31:28.240 --> 0:31:30.240
<v Speaker 1>the gender of the head of your.

0:31:30.120 --> 0:31:38.880
<v Speaker 4>Household And I was like, what, like what what like?

0:31:39.080 --> 0:31:42.880
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, yeah, unnecessary, completely unnecessary.

0:31:42.480 --> 0:31:45.760
<v Speaker 8>Kind of doctor a GP, just like I had an

0:31:45.800 --> 0:31:46.280
<v Speaker 8>eye doctor.

0:31:46.360 --> 0:31:47.880
<v Speaker 5>I went to an eye doctor and I was asked

0:31:47.880 --> 0:31:50.640
<v Speaker 5>something about my ethnicity, and I was like, what difference

0:31:50.640 --> 0:31:53.520
<v Speaker 5>does it make? And I looked at him and he's like, sorry,

0:31:53.560 --> 0:31:54.760
<v Speaker 5>it's on the form, and I was like why.

0:31:54.960 --> 0:31:55.200
<v Speaker 6>Yeah.

0:31:56.160 --> 0:31:58.560
<v Speaker 2>Don't you think that the political environment we're living in

0:31:58.680 --> 0:32:01.080
<v Speaker 2>is a direct reflection of the fact that most people

0:32:01.160 --> 0:32:04.520
<v Speaker 2>are coming to terms, not most people, but the majority

0:32:04.600 --> 0:32:08.320
<v Speaker 2>of educated people are coming to terms with the fact

0:32:08.320 --> 0:32:10.200
<v Speaker 2>that all of this is such a nonsense, All of

0:32:10.200 --> 0:32:13.280
<v Speaker 2>these labels are such nonsense. Like it is the death

0:32:13.320 --> 0:32:16.880
<v Speaker 2>cough of white supremacy. I don't know if we'll experience

0:32:16.920 --> 0:32:20.000
<v Speaker 2>the end of it, but it's definitely the last stages

0:32:20.040 --> 0:32:21.640
<v Speaker 2>of it, and that could be another one hundred and

0:32:21.680 --> 0:32:25.120
<v Speaker 2>fifty years. I don't know. But it's the old white

0:32:25.120 --> 0:32:30.960
<v Speaker 2>man's reaction to women going no, no, no, we don't need labels. Yeah, boys,

0:32:31.000 --> 0:32:33.360
<v Speaker 2>we might like girls, we might like both, we might

0:32:33.520 --> 0:32:36.560
<v Speaker 2>like nothing like, you know, they're not willing to accept that.

0:32:36.680 --> 0:32:39.360
<v Speaker 5>It certainly adds to the fear that they're no longer

0:32:39.400 --> 0:32:39.920
<v Speaker 5>in power.

0:32:40.400 --> 0:32:42.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I got this great book, this friend, I'm going

0:32:42.760 --> 0:32:44.239
<v Speaker 2>to do this when we do our book round up.

0:32:44.560 --> 0:32:46.480
<v Speaker 2>My friend, my makeup artists in New York, gave it

0:32:46.480 --> 0:32:49.120
<v Speaker 2>to me and she was going over all these women

0:32:49.160 --> 0:32:51.960
<v Speaker 2>in history, you know, who've gone unnoticed, and all these painters,

0:32:52.000 --> 0:32:54.440
<v Speaker 2>and that there was a period in the sixteen hundreds

0:32:54.520 --> 0:32:58.640
<v Speaker 2>where there was this explosion of female talent, and by explosion,

0:32:58.680 --> 0:33:02.040
<v Speaker 2>there were like thirteen really well known painters in Paris

0:33:02.320 --> 0:33:04.600
<v Speaker 2>during that period of time where all these painters were

0:33:04.600 --> 0:33:06.719
<v Speaker 2>coming up, and there were thirteen of them, and they

0:33:06.720 --> 0:33:09.200
<v Speaker 2>were in history books in the sixteen hundreds, and then

0:33:09.560 --> 0:33:12.680
<v Speaker 2>when you get past eighteen hundred, they're gone. There's complete

0:33:12.680 --> 0:33:16.480
<v Speaker 2>erasure of them because men were so threatened by the

0:33:16.520 --> 0:33:19.320
<v Speaker 2>few that got in and the successes that they reached,

0:33:19.320 --> 0:33:22.880
<v Speaker 2>which were beyond the reaches of the men, that they decided, Okay,

0:33:23.120 --> 0:33:24.880
<v Speaker 2>we're going to take their work and claim it as

0:33:24.960 --> 0:33:27.040
<v Speaker 2>our own. And women are no longer allowed to paint.

0:33:27.200 --> 0:33:30.000
<v Speaker 8>Isn't that the same with Hollywood? Women directors they directed

0:33:30.040 --> 0:33:31.520
<v Speaker 8>everything at the beginning of Hollywood.

0:33:31.640 --> 0:33:32.960
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, yeah, right, that's true.

0:33:33.560 --> 0:33:36.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And so I mean that's not a new information.

0:33:36.240 --> 0:33:39.360
<v Speaker 2>But it's nice to It's so funny how threatened they

0:33:39.400 --> 0:33:43.400
<v Speaker 2>are by us, Yet we're not that threatened by them?

0:33:43.640 --> 0:33:45.720
<v Speaker 5>Right, How women have been the animated them since the

0:33:45.760 --> 0:33:46.880
<v Speaker 5>beginning of time? Right?

0:33:47.640 --> 0:33:49.920
<v Speaker 2>Why are you so threatened by us? Because we're not

0:33:50.000 --> 0:33:53.720
<v Speaker 2>threatened by you. So we'll threaten you. Yeah, we'll threaten

0:33:53.800 --> 0:33:58.120
<v Speaker 2>your bodies. We'll threaten, yes, your rights because yeah. So

0:33:59.320 --> 0:34:04.320
<v Speaker 2>it's nice to know this has been going on for No,

0:34:04.640 --> 0:34:06.200
<v Speaker 2>we'll take a break and we'll be right back with

0:34:06.320 --> 0:34:07.880
<v Speaker 2>Lesha Haley and Kate Manigg.

0:34:08.280 --> 0:34:10.839
<v Speaker 4>If you'd like advice from Chelsea, write into us at

0:34:10.840 --> 0:34:14.279
<v Speaker 4>Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. We'd love to

0:34:14.280 --> 0:34:17.120
<v Speaker 4>hear your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on,

0:34:17.400 --> 0:34:20.600
<v Speaker 4>but this week we're specifically looking for questions about family issues.

0:34:20.680 --> 0:34:22.440
<v Speaker 1>If you have an issue with a family member, or

0:34:22.480 --> 0:34:22.880
<v Speaker 1>you need.

0:34:22.760 --> 0:34:25.920
<v Speaker 4>Advice about a specific relationship issue, please write in at

0:34:25.920 --> 0:34:32.000
<v Speaker 4>Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com.

0:34:32.080 --> 0:34:35.920
<v Speaker 2>And we're back with Leisha Haley and Kate Manigg. Okay,

0:34:35.920 --> 0:34:37.160
<v Speaker 2>what do we got today?

0:34:36.960 --> 0:34:37.960
<v Speaker 1>Many question?

0:34:38.920 --> 0:34:45.080
<v Speaker 5>So many? We did this on our podcast. Yes, awesome, st.

0:34:45.280 --> 0:34:46.799
<v Speaker 1>Well, this first one is just a write in. We

0:34:46.800 --> 0:34:47.800
<v Speaker 1>do have a couple of callers.

0:34:47.800 --> 0:34:49.520
<v Speaker 4>So we'll spend a little time with this one, but

0:34:49.560 --> 0:34:51.720
<v Speaker 4>then we'll move on to our callers. So this one

0:34:51.760 --> 0:34:54.760
<v Speaker 4>is from Lola. She's not joining us, she says, Dear Chelsea.

0:34:54.960 --> 0:34:56.960
<v Speaker 4>I've been in a relationship with my partner, Bridget for

0:34:57.000 --> 0:34:59.280
<v Speaker 4>two and a half years, and her ex girlfriend, Samantha

0:34:59.560 --> 0:35:02.600
<v Speaker 4>just never goes away. When we started dating, I knew

0:35:02.640 --> 0:35:05.040
<v Speaker 4>things were complicated with her ex, but it was impossible

0:35:05.080 --> 0:35:08.160
<v Speaker 4>to comprehend how the situation would impact me in the future.

0:35:08.880 --> 0:35:10.440
<v Speaker 4>My partner, Bridget, was in a three and a half

0:35:10.520 --> 0:35:14.040
<v Speaker 4>year relationship with Samantha, who is her sister's best friend

0:35:14.040 --> 0:35:14.680
<v Speaker 4>and coworker.

0:35:14.960 --> 0:35:18.799
<v Speaker 5>Wait, I need such need this has gotten a little

0:35:18.840 --> 0:35:19.279
<v Speaker 5>bit of a check.

0:35:20.360 --> 0:35:25.280
<v Speaker 4>So the writer her partner, the ex is the partner's

0:35:25.320 --> 0:35:28.120
<v Speaker 4>sister's best friend slash coworker.

0:35:28.400 --> 0:35:31.840
<v Speaker 5>The ex is the partner's.

0:35:30.600 --> 0:35:31.919
<v Speaker 2>Sister's best friend.

0:35:32.280 --> 0:35:34.880
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, so it's like if I'm if I'm the girlfriend,

0:35:34.960 --> 0:35:36.240
<v Speaker 4>it's my sister's best friend.

0:35:36.360 --> 0:35:38.280
<v Speaker 1>So like kind of around like in the family.

0:35:38.440 --> 0:35:39.480
<v Speaker 5>YEA.

0:35:40.000 --> 0:35:42.400
<v Speaker 4>Samantha is also a single mom. This is the X

0:35:42.480 --> 0:35:44.440
<v Speaker 4>to a ten year old daughter. She was three to

0:35:44.480 --> 0:35:46.719
<v Speaker 4>four years old when they started dating. My partner has

0:35:46.719 --> 0:35:49.680
<v Speaker 4>a close relationship with her daughter, and this is something

0:35:49.719 --> 0:35:51.759
<v Speaker 4>I've always tried to support, as the child has nothing

0:35:51.800 --> 0:35:53.800
<v Speaker 4>to do with me or their breakup.

0:35:53.600 --> 0:35:54.120
<v Speaker 2>Or does it.

0:35:55.920 --> 0:35:58.480
<v Speaker 4>FaceTime, and it's a little awkward for me. Though I

0:35:58.520 --> 0:36:01.200
<v Speaker 4>find her commitment to her ex's child admirable, I do

0:36:01.239 --> 0:36:03.880
<v Speaker 4>struggle with this, not because she's spending time with the child,

0:36:04.280 --> 0:36:07.240
<v Speaker 4>but because Samantha is still deeply in love with my partner.

0:36:07.520 --> 0:36:09.960
<v Speaker 4>At the beginning of our relationship, she would call, text

0:36:10.000 --> 0:36:12.600
<v Speaker 4>and FaceTime multiple times a week. I always found it

0:36:12.640 --> 0:36:14.839
<v Speaker 4>to be weird, but it started making me uncomfortable when

0:36:14.880 --> 0:36:17.520
<v Speaker 4>she began to ask my partner to give her another chance,

0:36:17.640 --> 0:36:20.560
<v Speaker 4>professing her feelings for her. Bridget ended up blocking her

0:36:20.560 --> 0:36:22.880
<v Speaker 4>for over a year. I know this is immature of me,

0:36:22.960 --> 0:36:25.239
<v Speaker 4>but within the last year something told me to check

0:36:25.239 --> 0:36:28.200
<v Speaker 4>out Samantha's social media and what I saw was bizarre,

0:36:28.239 --> 0:36:30.600
<v Speaker 4>and if I'm honest, I feel a little embarrassed for her.

0:36:31.080 --> 0:36:34.560
<v Speaker 4>She regularly makes tiktoks about my partner where she's professing

0:36:34.640 --> 0:36:37.120
<v Speaker 4>her love for her, saying that she's her soulmate and

0:36:37.160 --> 0:36:39.640
<v Speaker 4>that she'll do anything to get her back. Though I

0:36:39.640 --> 0:36:41.640
<v Speaker 4>find it sad and embarrassing that this thirty seven year

0:36:41.640 --> 0:36:44.439
<v Speaker 4>old woman is consistently making tiktoks about a person who

0:36:44.480 --> 0:36:46.600
<v Speaker 4>broke up with her three years ago. I still find

0:36:46.600 --> 0:36:49.840
<v Speaker 4>myself feeling insecure about this. When I express my concerns,

0:36:49.840 --> 0:36:53.040
<v Speaker 4>my partner mostly validates my feelings but also brushes it off.

0:36:53.520 --> 0:36:55.120
<v Speaker 4>I want to find a way to be more secure

0:36:55.360 --> 0:36:57.719
<v Speaker 4>knowing that Samantha is always going to be around. Is

0:36:57.719 --> 0:36:59.560
<v Speaker 4>it possible for Bridget to have a relationship with this

0:36:59.680 --> 0:37:03.080
<v Speaker 4>child without having a close friendship with Samantha? And what

0:37:03.280 --> 0:37:05.840
<v Speaker 4>if anything should I do about the social media obsession?

0:37:06.120 --> 0:37:06.440
<v Speaker 5>Lola?

0:37:06.640 --> 0:37:11.440
<v Speaker 8>Oh god, that is that's that's also very outside of

0:37:11.560 --> 0:37:12.160
<v Speaker 8>gay too.

0:37:12.239 --> 0:37:14.440
<v Speaker 6>It's just, I mean, like, I know.

0:37:14.480 --> 0:37:17.279
<v Speaker 2>I think this is all your problem, you guys, it

0:37:17.320 --> 0:37:19.560
<v Speaker 2>is this is all about being gay.

0:37:19.480 --> 0:37:25.000
<v Speaker 5>Like there's like codependency and toxicity and cross boundary crossing

0:37:25.040 --> 0:37:27.640
<v Speaker 5>and then it's a child involved. I mean, it's just

0:37:27.760 --> 0:37:28.440
<v Speaker 5>it's a mess.

0:37:28.640 --> 0:37:29.800
<v Speaker 2>But this is a mess.

0:37:29.880 --> 0:37:31.080
<v Speaker 5>I'm sorry, No, just.

0:37:31.080 --> 0:37:34.280
<v Speaker 8>That I was confused because I thought Bridget the partner

0:37:34.560 --> 0:37:36.759
<v Speaker 8>blocked she did, had.

0:37:36.760 --> 0:37:38.799
<v Speaker 1>Blocked her, but then I think she unblocked her at

0:37:38.800 --> 0:37:39.120
<v Speaker 1>some point.

0:37:39.200 --> 0:37:44.000
<v Speaker 5>Okay, but but but Lola right, the writer Lola had

0:37:44.320 --> 0:37:47.920
<v Speaker 5>not blocked her and fell into this awful habit of

0:37:48.120 --> 0:37:51.640
<v Speaker 5>tracking her on social media TikTok, is it TikTok whatever?

0:37:51.800 --> 0:37:53.439
<v Speaker 5>So that's a problem that you just have to break

0:37:53.440 --> 0:37:56.720
<v Speaker 5>that cycle. Just you can fall into that easily.

0:37:57.400 --> 0:38:01.799
<v Speaker 8>I think the issue lies definitely with Sam, right, you

0:38:01.840 --> 0:38:04.200
<v Speaker 8>just have to know who Sam is and that Sam

0:38:04.280 --> 0:38:08.920
<v Speaker 8>has some issues. But I think within the relationship they

0:38:08.960 --> 0:38:11.880
<v Speaker 8>have to figure out, like what boundaries are, like going

0:38:11.960 --> 0:38:14.080
<v Speaker 8>to be there because kid or no kid, and I

0:38:14.080 --> 0:38:15.840
<v Speaker 8>don't have kids, I really can't speak to it. But

0:38:15.920 --> 0:38:19.800
<v Speaker 8>like this woman seems a little unsafe.

0:38:19.760 --> 0:38:22.879
<v Speaker 2>Totally unsafe, and also this is an issue that her

0:38:22.880 --> 0:38:24.319
<v Speaker 2>partner needs to address with her.

0:38:24.360 --> 0:38:25.319
<v Speaker 6>Yes, that's what I'm saying.

0:38:25.440 --> 0:38:27.840
<v Speaker 2>And it should be also with relation to the child.

0:38:28.120 --> 0:38:30.400
<v Speaker 2>Like if you want me to continue to be in

0:38:30.440 --> 0:38:32.960
<v Speaker 2>your child's life, which is what I want and my

0:38:33.040 --> 0:38:36.120
<v Speaker 2>partner wants, you have to understand that I am in

0:38:36.160 --> 0:38:39.240
<v Speaker 2>another relationship and you have to act in a mature

0:38:39.280 --> 0:38:43.799
<v Speaker 2>way and respect that relationship. Yeah, the relationship that I'm in,

0:38:44.280 --> 0:38:48.600
<v Speaker 2>Like she has to honor that relationship. She's tiktoks together?

0:38:49.280 --> 0:38:50.560
<v Speaker 2>What is she in? Eighth fucking grade?

0:38:50.600 --> 0:38:53.040
<v Speaker 8>Like that's what I mean, that's what you're dealing with

0:38:53.040 --> 0:38:53.680
<v Speaker 8>something different.

0:38:53.920 --> 0:38:57.120
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, exactly, that's not the most stable adult. But I

0:38:57.719 --> 0:39:00.960
<v Speaker 2>honestly would would say, I'm not going to have a

0:39:01.000 --> 0:39:03.000
<v Speaker 2>relationship with your child unless you can act in a

0:39:03.000 --> 0:39:05.799
<v Speaker 2>more mature way about our relationship that is over.

0:39:06.040 --> 0:39:08.920
<v Speaker 6>Can you do that, because it doesn't the child suffer.

0:39:09.239 --> 0:39:11.399
<v Speaker 2>The child does suffer. But it sounds like you have

0:39:11.480 --> 0:39:14.520
<v Speaker 2>to give or put something up there, like that's at

0:39:14.520 --> 0:39:17.560
<v Speaker 2>stake because right now she's just getting everything she wants,

0:39:17.840 --> 0:39:19.440
<v Speaker 2>you know what I mean, She's got her involvement with

0:39:19.480 --> 0:39:22.640
<v Speaker 2>a child, she's used, probably using her child to remain

0:39:22.680 --> 0:39:26.879
<v Speaker 2>interacts as a life that's and so when does that end?

0:39:27.000 --> 0:39:27.600
<v Speaker 2>You know what I mean?

0:39:28.200 --> 0:39:30.640
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, some serious boundaries need to be WHOA.

0:39:31.400 --> 0:39:33.839
<v Speaker 4>So it sounds like this is a conversation Lola needs

0:39:33.880 --> 0:39:35.759
<v Speaker 4>to have with her partner and say like you got

0:39:35.800 --> 0:39:38.480
<v Speaker 4>to put some ground rules here y yes, yeah.

0:39:38.360 --> 0:39:40.439
<v Speaker 6>I mean if I can do it together, they can

0:39:40.480 --> 0:39:40.799
<v Speaker 6>go to her.

0:39:40.840 --> 0:39:42.880
<v Speaker 5>But you need a teammate. Lola needs a teammate and

0:39:42.880 --> 0:39:44.640
<v Speaker 5>bridget like there needs to.

0:39:44.560 --> 0:39:47.000
<v Speaker 8>Be you need to be I would go as a

0:39:47.040 --> 0:39:50.200
<v Speaker 8>unified friend. Yes, samily say this is what we need.

0:39:50.360 --> 0:39:52.799
<v Speaker 5>You have to Yeah, strengthen numbers.

0:39:53.040 --> 0:39:55.000
<v Speaker 6>Well, also it's like we're together.

0:39:55.320 --> 0:39:57.680
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, so you have to Yeah, so a unified front

0:39:57.680 --> 0:40:00.759
<v Speaker 5>to the problem at hand. Absolutely, otherwise you're just you're

0:40:00.840 --> 0:40:01.760
<v Speaker 5>screaming into nothing.

0:40:02.239 --> 0:40:04.040
<v Speaker 1>Is this a letter? Is this an email? What do

0:40:04.080 --> 0:40:05.680
<v Speaker 1>we think? I don't think it's a text.

0:40:06.080 --> 0:40:06.680
<v Speaker 5>Where do they live?

0:40:06.840 --> 0:40:08.600
<v Speaker 6>Where do they live?

0:40:09.000 --> 0:40:10.719
<v Speaker 5>Where do they live in proximity to each other?

0:40:10.960 --> 0:40:13.279
<v Speaker 6>I think they need to sit the person to person.

0:40:13.400 --> 0:40:16.560
<v Speaker 5>This is a person to person. Yeah, in person, in

0:40:16.600 --> 0:40:19.879
<v Speaker 5>public in a public setting, not at someone's house. What, yeah,

0:40:19.960 --> 0:40:22.000
<v Speaker 5>don't come over and I don't want to go to yours.

0:40:22.239 --> 0:40:25.720
<v Speaker 5>Let's meet publicly. Check screaming or crying?

0:40:25.840 --> 0:40:28.440
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. You want to temper the

0:40:28.960 --> 0:40:32.040
<v Speaker 2>I mean I would say it's her responsibility because it's

0:40:32.040 --> 0:40:35.400
<v Speaker 2>her ax and it's her relationship. But you guys are

0:40:35.440 --> 0:40:37.319
<v Speaker 2>saying that they should do it together as a unit

0:40:37.360 --> 0:40:40.719
<v Speaker 2>five front. I don't either way. It should definitely be

0:40:40.760 --> 0:40:43.920
<v Speaker 2>in person, and it should be you know, these are

0:40:43.960 --> 0:40:46.040
<v Speaker 2>the new set of rules. Like either you can follow

0:40:46.080 --> 0:40:49.359
<v Speaker 2>them and you can't be making tiktoks about me, Like

0:40:49.440 --> 0:40:51.839
<v Speaker 2>that's that's a boundary crossing. Like you can't do that.

0:40:51.920 --> 0:40:52.920
<v Speaker 1>Find some fresh are content.

0:40:53.320 --> 0:40:56.480
<v Speaker 2>It's delusional and it's sad and what does that say

0:40:56.480 --> 0:40:58.320
<v Speaker 2>to your kid? Like your kid's going to see that

0:40:58.560 --> 0:41:01.080
<v Speaker 2>one day. People don't understand when you make those videos,

0:41:01.080 --> 0:41:04.719
<v Speaker 2>they're there forever, like they're out there and then then

0:41:04.800 --> 0:41:06.640
<v Speaker 2>every everyone's going to find everything.

0:41:06.800 --> 0:41:07.000
<v Speaker 6>You know.

0:41:07.239 --> 0:41:08.480
<v Speaker 5>Do you have TikTok?

0:41:08.520 --> 0:41:10.319
<v Speaker 2>I do have TikTok. I don't go on it. I

0:41:10.320 --> 0:41:11.960
<v Speaker 2>mean I have a social media team, Like I have

0:41:12.080 --> 0:41:13.920
<v Speaker 2>enough addictions in my life, you know what I mean.

0:41:14.239 --> 0:41:16.640
<v Speaker 2>I'm on Instagram. I'll go on Instagram, but I don't

0:41:16.719 --> 0:41:20.400
<v Speaker 2>on TikTok. It's like, no, I don't have the bandwidth

0:41:20.400 --> 0:41:20.600
<v Speaker 2>for that.

0:41:20.800 --> 0:41:22.839
<v Speaker 1>All right, well, Lola, let us know how it goes.

0:41:23.960 --> 0:41:28.120
<v Speaker 1>I know that's yeah. Well, our nex caller is l K.

0:41:28.640 --> 0:41:31.239
<v Speaker 4>LK has actually called in before she called in on

0:41:31.280 --> 0:41:34.359
<v Speaker 4>our Dylan mulvaney episode, which we recorded a long long

0:41:34.400 --> 0:41:38.719
<v Speaker 4>time ago. So LK says, Hi, Chelsey, it's me again, LK.

0:41:39.160 --> 0:41:41.160
<v Speaker 4>I have yet another crush to pick your brain about.

0:41:41.440 --> 0:41:43.560
<v Speaker 4>I'm over the hump of working through some stuff back

0:41:43.560 --> 0:41:45.960
<v Speaker 4>in the spring, so feeling a little bit more feisty.

0:41:46.360 --> 0:41:48.960
<v Speaker 4>I've been working on myself relentlessly while engaging and a

0:41:49.000 --> 0:41:51.480
<v Speaker 4>slippery slope with an old flame who I care about.

0:41:51.960 --> 0:41:54.120
<v Speaker 4>Progress is being made, but I'm still not ready for

0:41:54.120 --> 0:41:58.239
<v Speaker 4>a committed relationship. Meanwhile, I've developed a crush on my hairdresser.

0:41:58.680 --> 0:42:01.120
<v Speaker 4>Is this some gay right of passage I've dodged until now?

0:42:01.320 --> 0:42:04.000
<v Speaker 4>She's married to a man. Oof, but this gal is

0:42:04.000 --> 0:42:06.839
<v Speaker 4>the poster child of closet and homos. I know it's

0:42:06.880 --> 0:42:09.360
<v Speaker 4>not my job to jumpstart her Lesie awakening, but on

0:42:09.400 --> 0:42:11.719
<v Speaker 4>the other hand, that seems like it could be super.

0:42:11.480 --> 0:42:12.600
<v Speaker 1>Fun and gay.

0:42:12.719 --> 0:42:15.239
<v Speaker 4>The problem is she maintains she isn't gay while being

0:42:15.280 --> 0:42:17.880
<v Speaker 4>really playful about how gay she presents to the world.

0:42:18.280 --> 0:42:20.600
<v Speaker 4>I asked if my playfulness about it was offensive to her.

0:42:20.680 --> 0:42:22.960
<v Speaker 4>She says, nope, You're just hurting your own feelings. She

0:42:23.040 --> 0:42:24.920
<v Speaker 4>isn't wrong, but my gut tells me she's for the

0:42:24.960 --> 0:42:27.480
<v Speaker 4>girls deep down in her soul. Should I keep the

0:42:27.480 --> 0:42:30.040
<v Speaker 4>playful flirting with hopes and prayers or just stick to

0:42:30.080 --> 0:42:33.200
<v Speaker 4>my monthly haircut for a crush fix? Queerly confused?

0:42:33.440 --> 0:42:37.520
<v Speaker 5>LKA, really simple? Can I just answer this? Oh?

0:42:37.600 --> 0:42:39.680
<v Speaker 2>Go?

0:42:40.400 --> 0:42:40.720
<v Speaker 1>Sorry?

0:42:41.920 --> 0:42:44.359
<v Speaker 5>I have I have feelings on this for so high.

0:42:44.760 --> 0:42:54.080
<v Speaker 2>Hi Hello, Hello, Hi, y thank god? Okay. Kate has

0:42:54.120 --> 0:42:59.080
<v Speaker 2>some very strong feelings about this. Hi okay, Hello, this

0:42:59.280 --> 0:43:04.359
<v Speaker 2>Kate and Lisa Special a little bit of panic, right.

0:43:04.320 --> 0:43:07.440
<v Speaker 5>Don't gay panic, please please, But my word of advice is,

0:43:07.520 --> 0:43:11.760
<v Speaker 5>don't waste your energy with your hairdresser. Why because it's

0:43:11.800 --> 0:43:15.160
<v Speaker 5>it's just it's too much trouble for no very little payoff.

0:43:15.520 --> 0:43:19.440
<v Speaker 7>I'm avoidant as fuck, and I think I'm using these

0:43:19.440 --> 0:43:22.920
<v Speaker 7>crushes as a distraction from my real feelings.

0:43:23.120 --> 0:43:25.960
<v Speaker 1>You feel me, you said, there's somebody else that's like

0:43:26.040 --> 0:43:28.440
<v Speaker 1>a long term person you have feelings for, right.

0:43:28.640 --> 0:43:32.759
<v Speaker 7>Yes, yes, yes, We've been on off again for at

0:43:32.840 --> 0:43:37.160
<v Speaker 7>least a couple of years now, and I keep, you know,

0:43:37.320 --> 0:43:40.200
<v Speaker 7>doing the whole avoidant running away thing.

0:43:40.880 --> 0:43:43.600
<v Speaker 5>And why are you doing that?

0:43:44.840 --> 0:43:45.520
<v Speaker 2>Well, I don't know.

0:43:45.640 --> 0:43:50.359
<v Speaker 6>I'm asking you, guys, well that situation. It's way better

0:43:50.400 --> 0:43:51.160
<v Speaker 6>than the hairdresser.

0:43:51.280 --> 0:43:51.480
<v Speaker 5>I know.

0:43:52.800 --> 0:43:55.759
<v Speaker 2>I'm a quick Okay, let's talk about what's going on now.

0:43:56.040 --> 0:43:59.480
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, yeah, let's but what about the avoidant problem, the

0:43:59.520 --> 0:44:01.799
<v Speaker 5>other one when you're on.

0:44:01.880 --> 0:44:05.200
<v Speaker 7>That In therapy, I have made some progress. We're seeing

0:44:05.239 --> 0:44:09.880
<v Speaker 7>each other now. I'm trying to be very slow and deliberate,

0:44:10.560 --> 0:44:13.439
<v Speaker 7>going to therapy weekly. Still, I do think I've made

0:44:13.440 --> 0:44:16.160
<v Speaker 7>some progress, but I still have the tendencies of just

0:44:16.200 --> 0:44:19.319
<v Speaker 7>to engage in avoidant behaviors, you know, when things get

0:44:19.360 --> 0:44:20.840
<v Speaker 7>a little too real A.

0:44:20.880 --> 0:44:23.799
<v Speaker 5>Bowl, Eh, that's what it is, is because you try

0:44:23.800 --> 0:44:24.680
<v Speaker 5>to avoid conflict.

0:44:24.800 --> 0:44:30.520
<v Speaker 8>Yeah, no, no, intimacy, love, Yeah, okay, you know, like

0:44:30.600 --> 0:44:31.440
<v Speaker 8>being vulnerable.

0:44:32.480 --> 0:44:34.960
<v Speaker 7>Yeah, I'm an idiot.

0:44:35.000 --> 0:44:39.080
<v Speaker 5>You sound like you sound like Shane. Actually, we're gonna

0:44:39.080 --> 0:44:39.879
<v Speaker 5>get real about it.

0:44:40.239 --> 0:44:43.799
<v Speaker 2>I mean you're an anagram, eid. I'm an antiagram aid.

0:44:43.880 --> 0:44:48.160
<v Speaker 2>I used to have problems being vulnerable and being intimate too. Yeah,

0:44:48.280 --> 0:44:50.200
<v Speaker 2>and therapy is exactly where you need to be for

0:44:50.239 --> 0:44:55.040
<v Speaker 2>those issues. Yeah, you have to run listen, Like, I know,

0:44:55.040 --> 0:44:58.240
<v Speaker 2>there's no fast forwarding these emotions. But like you recognize

0:44:58.239 --> 0:45:00.920
<v Speaker 2>a pattern in your behavior, you're doing something about it.

0:45:01.239 --> 0:45:05.440
<v Speaker 2>And every time you have an instinct that is your pattern,

0:45:05.960 --> 0:45:08.160
<v Speaker 2>you have to try to fight that. You have to

0:45:08.280 --> 0:45:10.720
<v Speaker 2>run towards what you're running away from in a sense

0:45:11.239 --> 0:45:14.040
<v Speaker 2>advice and you to and you have to like practice

0:45:14.080 --> 0:45:17.480
<v Speaker 2>that on a daily basis, because it is totally possible

0:45:17.760 --> 0:45:21.359
<v Speaker 2>to create new habits. It is totally possible. I just

0:45:21.400 --> 0:45:24.239
<v Speaker 2>got an email yesterday from Jane Fonda about something and

0:45:24.239 --> 0:45:26.600
<v Speaker 2>she said, it's so we were talking about we were

0:45:26.600 --> 0:45:29.319
<v Speaker 2>talking about therapy, and she said it's it's like when

0:45:29.360 --> 0:45:32.520
<v Speaker 2>you create new neural pathways, it's like you're changing the

0:45:32.560 --> 0:45:35.560
<v Speaker 2>temperature on a thermostat, because once you change it, it

0:45:35.600 --> 0:45:38.120
<v Speaker 2>doesn't change again until you go back and change it.

0:45:38.680 --> 0:45:40.239
<v Speaker 2>And I thought that was such a great way to

0:45:40.280 --> 0:45:43.200
<v Speaker 2>put it. And and that's and it's so true. Like

0:45:43.640 --> 0:45:46.040
<v Speaker 2>doing the work of therapy is great, but you have

0:45:46.080 --> 0:45:48.239
<v Speaker 2>to supplement that with the work that you're doing on

0:45:48.280 --> 0:45:50.800
<v Speaker 2>your own when you're out there in the real world.

0:45:50.880 --> 0:45:53.399
<v Speaker 2>You have to practice running towards the things that make

0:45:53.440 --> 0:45:56.560
<v Speaker 2>you feel uncomfortable, that make you feel scared, because those

0:45:56.600 --> 0:46:00.640
<v Speaker 2>are just feelings. That's a pattern of behavior, something that

0:46:00.680 --> 0:46:02.600
<v Speaker 2>happened in your childhood. It could have been many things

0:46:02.640 --> 0:46:05.160
<v Speaker 2>that happened in your childhood. But what you're saying is

0:46:05.440 --> 0:46:10.120
<v Speaker 2>you want a relationship, right, she died.

0:46:10.800 --> 0:46:12.840
<v Speaker 8>I have to say, I think a lot of people

0:46:12.960 --> 0:46:15.600
<v Speaker 8>don't even recognize her patterns to late in life.

0:46:15.719 --> 0:46:17.840
<v Speaker 2>Yes, like they don't even she's saying she's avoidant, so

0:46:17.880 --> 0:46:19.080
<v Speaker 2>she knows it. She knows it.

0:46:19.160 --> 0:46:22.160
<v Speaker 6>But like the latter step, Oh my god, I think.

0:46:22.000 --> 0:46:25.479
<v Speaker 8>Half people are like asleep until you're like, oh, I've

0:46:25.520 --> 0:46:28.239
<v Speaker 8>realized now I've been doing this, Like my whole life.

0:46:28.239 --> 0:46:30.439
<v Speaker 2>And then as soon as it's like it's so it's

0:46:30.480 --> 0:46:33.520
<v Speaker 2>so powerful to reckon, to be told or to understand

0:46:33.560 --> 0:46:35.640
<v Speaker 2>what your issue is so that you can go out

0:46:35.640 --> 0:46:38.120
<v Speaker 2>there and combat it. Yeah, Like, oh, okay, I'm this

0:46:38.200 --> 0:46:40.600
<v Speaker 2>type of person I might identify as this. I don't

0:46:40.719 --> 0:46:42.719
<v Speaker 2>like this. I don't like it. I used to be like, Oh,

0:46:42.760 --> 0:46:44.640
<v Speaker 2>I don't like romance. I mean I really don't like

0:46:45.000 --> 0:46:47.440
<v Speaker 2>you know a lot of like kitchy shit, you know,

0:46:47.560 --> 0:46:50.600
<v Speaker 2>like Valentine's right. I don't like when people men send

0:46:50.600 --> 0:46:53.000
<v Speaker 2>me flowers, Like, I'm just like save that. I'd rather

0:46:53.040 --> 0:46:55.799
<v Speaker 2>get a nice note, right, get me a card, write

0:46:55.800 --> 0:46:58.160
<v Speaker 2>me a nice text. I way more. I value that

0:46:58.239 --> 0:47:00.480
<v Speaker 2>way more than anything you could ever buy me or

0:47:00.520 --> 0:47:03.120
<v Speaker 2>any kind of cheesy acts of love. But that's not

0:47:03.160 --> 0:47:05.440
<v Speaker 2>a fear of intimacy. That's actually what I've learned is

0:47:05.480 --> 0:47:09.520
<v Speaker 2>like my style, my love language, you know what I mean.

0:47:09.960 --> 0:47:12.680
<v Speaker 2>But I think once you identify what your issues are,

0:47:12.719 --> 0:47:16.000
<v Speaker 2>like her fear of intimacy, that is so freeing to

0:47:16.120 --> 0:47:19.360
<v Speaker 2>know that, because that is the first and biggest step

0:47:19.400 --> 0:47:20.680
<v Speaker 2>you get to correct exactly.

0:47:20.760 --> 0:47:24.040
<v Speaker 8>Like maybe with this girl she's with, she's been this

0:47:24.160 --> 0:47:26.320
<v Speaker 8>in this pattern of pushing herway pushing, and maybe she

0:47:26.600 --> 0:47:29.640
<v Speaker 8>just realized, like, in fact.

0:47:29.440 --> 0:47:31.399
<v Speaker 2>Did you get did we get to intimate for you?

0:47:31.400 --> 0:47:33.160
<v Speaker 2>Did you drop the call on purpose?

0:47:34.320 --> 0:47:34.600
<v Speaker 4>Phone?

0:47:34.800 --> 0:47:35.600
<v Speaker 2>Overheated?

0:47:36.560 --> 0:47:41.360
<v Speaker 7>Luf's breaking my car in my own phone overheated?

0:47:42.840 --> 0:47:47.359
<v Speaker 2>First of all of Alabama. Yeah, you need to get

0:47:47.400 --> 0:47:51.520
<v Speaker 2>as far away from Alabama as you can. But we understand.

0:47:51.600 --> 0:47:53.640
<v Speaker 2>Do you understand how powerful it is to know what

0:47:53.680 --> 0:47:54.960
<v Speaker 2>your what your issue is?

0:47:55.080 --> 0:47:55.239
<v Speaker 5>Right?

0:47:55.280 --> 0:47:57.600
<v Speaker 2>You're you know that you have a fear of intimacy,

0:47:57.800 --> 0:48:01.080
<v Speaker 2>you know you're avoidant. Those are superpower. Now you use

0:48:01.120 --> 0:48:02.200
<v Speaker 2>those as superpowers.

0:48:02.320 --> 0:48:03.160
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, because you're.

0:48:02.960 --> 0:48:05.239
<v Speaker 2>Going to use that and go, look what I'm doing

0:48:05.320 --> 0:48:07.840
<v Speaker 2>right now? This is me being avoided. Even if you

0:48:07.920 --> 0:48:10.920
<v Speaker 2>say it to your girlfriend and start calling her your girlfriend,

0:48:11.040 --> 0:48:14.239
<v Speaker 2>that is your girlfriend, and you actively want to you

0:48:14.320 --> 0:48:19.359
<v Speaker 2>want a relationship? Is that right? That's right? Is it?

0:48:20.920 --> 0:48:23.360
<v Speaker 2>Can you tell me do you want a relationship?

0:48:23.440 --> 0:48:23.680
<v Speaker 7>Yes?

0:48:24.080 --> 0:48:24.360
<v Speaker 6>Great?

0:48:24.520 --> 0:48:26.480
<v Speaker 2>Keep saying that out loud. I want to be in

0:48:26.480 --> 0:48:29.080
<v Speaker 2>a relationship. I want to be in a relationship. I

0:48:29.120 --> 0:48:31.239
<v Speaker 2>want to love someone and I want them to love me.

0:48:31.640 --> 0:48:34.080
<v Speaker 2>Write that down every fucking morning, put it on your

0:48:34.080 --> 0:48:36.759
<v Speaker 2>mirror and say it to yourself and get comfortable with

0:48:36.800 --> 0:48:39.840
<v Speaker 2>saying that. It's great to say those things. It's great

0:48:39.880 --> 0:48:41.719
<v Speaker 2>to say I want to be in love, I want

0:48:41.719 --> 0:48:44.279
<v Speaker 2>to be loved, I want to love say it, just

0:48:44.360 --> 0:48:45.640
<v Speaker 2>keep fucking saying it.

0:48:45.800 --> 0:48:48.120
<v Speaker 8>And I love the practice of going towards what you're

0:48:48.120 --> 0:48:50.840
<v Speaker 8>scared of. That's such a great Yeah. Yeah, it's like

0:48:50.840 --> 0:48:52.000
<v Speaker 8>a hat's.

0:48:51.520 --> 0:48:54.720
<v Speaker 2>All this world waiting for you. There's a whole world

0:48:55.080 --> 0:48:59.839
<v Speaker 2>waiting for you once you get over yourself. Yeah, yeah,

0:49:00.080 --> 0:49:03.000
<v Speaker 2>that's true. And I identifying your issues is I, I

0:49:03.080 --> 0:49:05.840
<v Speaker 2>honestly would argue is probably like seventy five percent of

0:49:05.880 --> 0:49:08.799
<v Speaker 2>the grade of the work. Now you just have to

0:49:08.880 --> 0:49:12.839
<v Speaker 2>work at maintaining that, because that's very, very honest. When

0:49:12.840 --> 0:49:15.800
<v Speaker 2>you were gone asleep at the wheel, you were talking

0:49:15.840 --> 0:49:18.560
<v Speaker 2>about you and.

0:49:18.400 --> 0:49:21.440
<v Speaker 6>Lisia was saying, you said it, and I was like, no,

0:49:21.480 --> 0:49:23.440
<v Speaker 6>you said it, you said it, Who cares.

0:49:24.960 --> 0:49:25.960
<v Speaker 2>It was something you said.

0:49:26.400 --> 0:49:28.160
<v Speaker 5>But you were saying.

0:49:29.400 --> 0:49:31.360
<v Speaker 6>That we don't realize our patterns.

0:49:31.520 --> 0:49:34.560
<v Speaker 2>No, oh yeah, thank you, thank you. Most people don't

0:49:34.560 --> 0:49:36.880
<v Speaker 2>even realize that they're avoidant or that they have a

0:49:36.920 --> 0:49:41.040
<v Speaker 2>fear of intimacy, so therefore I'm avoidant. Okay, great, So

0:49:41.160 --> 0:49:42.920
<v Speaker 2>this is there's so much power in that. Use it

0:49:42.960 --> 0:49:45.920
<v Speaker 2>as power instead of using it as a as a crutch.

0:49:46.000 --> 0:49:48.759
<v Speaker 8>Okay, And you can even flip what you're saying, like

0:49:49.320 --> 0:49:52.719
<v Speaker 8>you're an avoidant. Maybe you start saying I'm vulnerable.

0:49:53.640 --> 0:49:56.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm going that's a good one, okay.

0:49:56.320 --> 0:49:57.440
<v Speaker 6>Like change the script.

0:49:58.040 --> 0:50:00.720
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, there is something like fun and distract about serial

0:50:00.760 --> 0:50:03.160
<v Speaker 4>crushes that like keep you from having to get into

0:50:03.200 --> 0:50:03.880
<v Speaker 4>the hard work.

0:50:03.680 --> 0:50:07.120
<v Speaker 5>Of her because they're always going to be unattainable.

0:50:07.280 --> 0:50:09.319
<v Speaker 2>That's they're not.

0:50:09.320 --> 0:50:12.880
<v Speaker 6>Going or straight be challenged.

0:50:13.080 --> 0:50:15.360
<v Speaker 5>Well, they're just not gonna. It's just not gonna happen.

0:50:15.800 --> 0:50:19.920
<v Speaker 5>It's just a fantasy. Yeah, exactly. You don't even want

0:50:19.960 --> 0:50:22.040
<v Speaker 5>it to but it's a nice distraction, right.

0:50:22.320 --> 0:50:24.960
<v Speaker 8>Also, she's straight, it sounds like, so that's like a

0:50:24.960 --> 0:50:29.080
<v Speaker 8>big and more importantly, she's also married, so it's not

0:50:29.840 --> 0:50:30.520
<v Speaker 8>just gonna.

0:50:32.000 --> 0:50:34.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, like that's the that's the third thing we brought up.

0:50:38.400 --> 0:50:39.000
<v Speaker 2>She's straight.

0:50:39.040 --> 0:50:43.080
<v Speaker 7>And oh yeah, hey, Chelsea, I want to say something

0:50:43.080 --> 0:50:45.880
<v Speaker 7>to you real quick. First of all, the book Signs

0:50:45.960 --> 0:50:50.200
<v Speaker 7>found me because of you. Oh yeah, impacted my life

0:50:50.239 --> 0:50:53.279
<v Speaker 7>so much. So thank you for being so open and

0:50:53.360 --> 0:50:55.560
<v Speaker 7>vulnerable with stuff like that, because I've got a lot

0:50:55.560 --> 0:50:59.080
<v Speaker 7>of grief, a lot of help on the other side. Yes,

0:50:59.520 --> 0:51:02.759
<v Speaker 7>that was amazing, So okay, thank you.

0:51:03.360 --> 0:51:05.520
<v Speaker 2>And if you have a lot of grief and you

0:51:05.560 --> 0:51:07.680
<v Speaker 2>have a lot of help on the other side, it's

0:51:07.719 --> 0:51:11.799
<v Speaker 2>also important to be crying in front of people. You

0:51:11.880 --> 0:51:15.200
<v Speaker 2>exercise that cry in front of this person, let yourself

0:51:15.239 --> 0:51:18.319
<v Speaker 2>be vulnerable, practice that and get better at it. I

0:51:18.400 --> 0:51:21.400
<v Speaker 2>used to not be able to cry in front of anybody, anybody.

0:51:21.480 --> 0:51:23.799
<v Speaker 7>I can try in front of her, but she's one

0:51:23.840 --> 0:51:25.759
<v Speaker 7>of the maybe the only person that I.

0:51:25.680 --> 0:51:28.600
<v Speaker 2>Can just keep practicing it. You're going to get better

0:51:28.640 --> 0:51:30.080
<v Speaker 2>at crying in front of people. You're going to get

0:51:30.120 --> 0:51:32.879
<v Speaker 2>better at your vulnerability. It's a whole new world when

0:51:32.880 --> 0:51:35.000
<v Speaker 2>you can do that. You're going to open up yourself

0:51:35.040 --> 0:51:39.440
<v Speaker 2>to all these possibilities. Not everything has to be tightly

0:51:40.000 --> 0:51:43.320
<v Speaker 2>wrapped up, and you know you don't have to consoled something.

0:51:43.560 --> 0:51:44.000
<v Speaker 5>You're going to.

0:51:44.000 --> 0:51:46.200
<v Speaker 2>Find all of these people that want to love you

0:51:46.280 --> 0:51:48.200
<v Speaker 2>and love on you and be with you and be

0:51:48.280 --> 0:51:51.640
<v Speaker 2>your support system when you are open and honest and vulnerable,

0:51:51.880 --> 0:51:54.319
<v Speaker 2>and then you can do the same for others. It's

0:51:54.360 --> 0:51:57.640
<v Speaker 2>like about spreading more love and more joyfulness to as

0:51:57.680 --> 0:52:00.160
<v Speaker 2>many people as you can, especially in this fucking ar

0:52:00.280 --> 0:52:02.680
<v Speaker 2>time that we're all living in. It's like you owe

0:52:02.719 --> 0:52:05.200
<v Speaker 2>it to your you know, you owe it to your community,

0:52:05.239 --> 0:52:10.520
<v Speaker 2>and you owe it to yourself. Yes, that's powerful stuff. Okay, good,

0:52:10.600 --> 0:52:13.080
<v Speaker 2>well you listen to this podcast. Back, write down those

0:52:13.080 --> 0:52:14.680
<v Speaker 2>things I told you to write down. I'm not joking.

0:52:14.840 --> 0:52:16.799
<v Speaker 2>Put them on your mirror and say them every morning.

0:52:16.920 --> 0:52:19.719
<v Speaker 2>Say affirmations to yourself. You're somebody who needs to do that.

0:52:20.440 --> 0:52:21.920
<v Speaker 2>And then I'm sure we'll hear back from you in

0:52:21.920 --> 0:52:24.319
<v Speaker 2>another six months about a problem that you had months ago.

0:52:26.520 --> 0:52:28.400
<v Speaker 7>Yeah, we're just gonna be like pin pals.

0:52:28.480 --> 0:52:32.680
<v Speaker 2>But like that's fine. I'm down. I'm down, I'm down. Perfect, Okay,

0:52:32.760 --> 0:52:36.960
<v Speaker 2>have a great day. Okay, bye bye, thank you bye.

0:52:37.640 --> 0:52:39.520
<v Speaker 2>It's so funny, you know those people who are always

0:52:39.600 --> 0:52:42.640
<v Speaker 2>laughing and upbeat and yeah, totally, she's like scot that

0:52:42.719 --> 0:52:45.799
<v Speaker 2>whole vibe about her. Yeah, like yeah, everything's great, everything's great.

0:52:45.880 --> 0:52:48.640
<v Speaker 2>And then you're like everything's not great, everything's good. Yeah. Yeah,

0:52:48.680 --> 0:52:51.360
<v Speaker 2>it's hard to put it's hard to keep that going.

0:52:51.760 --> 0:52:53.480
<v Speaker 2>You know that for very long?

0:52:53.520 --> 0:52:54.160
<v Speaker 6>It breaks down.

0:52:54.200 --> 0:52:54.959
<v Speaker 5>It breaks down.

0:52:55.040 --> 0:52:57.400
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's it broke down on me at around forty

0:52:57.640 --> 0:53:00.000
<v Speaker 2>That's when I was like, it's exhausting.

0:53:00.440 --> 0:53:02.640
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, it's it's it's just this mask.

0:53:03.360 --> 0:53:04.760
<v Speaker 2>You hate headphones? Huh?

0:53:04.880 --> 0:53:08.279
<v Speaker 5>That was just hurting my ears, you know, and like

0:53:08.320 --> 0:53:11.640
<v Speaker 5>the stay now they heard right now? Yeah, And also

0:53:11.640 --> 0:53:13.719
<v Speaker 5>there wasn't someone on the camera, so I just gave

0:53:13.760 --> 0:53:14.640
<v Speaker 5>them my ears a break.

0:53:14.760 --> 0:53:17.960
<v Speaker 2>Okay, we're going to take a break. Please tag me

0:53:18.000 --> 0:53:19.640
<v Speaker 2>for the special because I get so many tags about

0:53:19.640 --> 0:53:21.840
<v Speaker 2>my books, but I'm not getting as many about my special,

0:53:21.880 --> 0:53:23.279
<v Speaker 2>and my special is the newest thing out, so I

0:53:23.360 --> 0:53:25.840
<v Speaker 2>want to make sure all my ardent fans are watching

0:53:25.880 --> 0:53:29.160
<v Speaker 2>it and tagging me, and I'll repost you. And yes,

0:53:29.239 --> 0:53:36.560
<v Speaker 2>it's called the Feeling. You have questions and we're back

0:53:37.600 --> 0:53:38.880
<v Speaker 2>from the break, you guys.

0:53:39.000 --> 0:53:41.160
<v Speaker 4>Okay, at least I'm hoping you don't have too many

0:53:41.239 --> 0:53:44.279
<v Speaker 4>questions about this because we're hoping for advice. Yeah, but

0:53:44.560 --> 0:53:47.680
<v Speaker 4>so Brittany, says dear Chelsea. I'm not sure how familiar

0:53:47.680 --> 0:53:50.239
<v Speaker 4>you are with queer culture, but there's a common stereotype

0:53:50.239 --> 0:53:53.040
<v Speaker 4>known as lesbian bed death. This term refers to the

0:53:53.080 --> 0:53:57.560
<v Speaker 4>inevitable decline in sex amongst long term lesbian relationships. One

0:53:57.600 --> 0:54:00.399
<v Speaker 4>factor at play is my now absence of libido, which

0:54:00.400 --> 0:54:04.320
<v Speaker 4>is the direct result of antidepressants. We've tried scheduling sex

0:54:04.400 --> 0:54:07.640
<v Speaker 4>without much success. Another factor that some may relate to

0:54:07.800 --> 0:54:09.759
<v Speaker 4>is when you get comfortable in a relationship and it's

0:54:09.800 --> 0:54:12.040
<v Speaker 4>easy to not keep up with physical appearance as you

0:54:12.080 --> 0:54:14.680
<v Speaker 4>once did, which has led to a decrease in attraction

0:54:14.800 --> 0:54:22.759
<v Speaker 4>for us. Any advice on how to deal with this, Brittany.

0:54:20.360 --> 0:54:23.120
<v Speaker 8>I have a straight question because this is this is

0:54:23.200 --> 0:54:26.120
<v Speaker 8>a I feel like it's a myth. I'm going to say,

0:54:26.239 --> 0:54:28.520
<v Speaker 8>left me in bed death or it's been put on

0:54:28.600 --> 0:54:31.359
<v Speaker 8>us and we have just put on us? Right, But

0:54:31.400 --> 0:54:33.840
<v Speaker 8>doesn't that happen in straight relationships?

0:54:34.040 --> 0:54:35.239
<v Speaker 1>Yes, we get emails all the time.

0:54:35.960 --> 0:54:37.800
<v Speaker 5>Happen I think it happens.

0:54:38.000 --> 0:54:41.000
<v Speaker 2>Have a name, but like I mean, it's I think, yeah,

0:54:41.040 --> 0:54:43.120
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I've never heard the term bed death before.

0:54:43.200 --> 0:54:44.680
<v Speaker 5>But what the straight people call it?

0:54:44.960 --> 0:54:46.799
<v Speaker 2>They don't call it anything. They call it like, I'm

0:54:46.840 --> 0:54:49.400
<v Speaker 2>fucking sick of you, you know, like it's hard to

0:54:49.480 --> 0:54:53.840
<v Speaker 2>maintain a fucking hot sex life with I mean living

0:54:53.880 --> 0:54:58.040
<v Speaker 2>together just I mean, there are couples that have healthy

0:54:58.080 --> 0:55:01.560
<v Speaker 2>sex lives and most of those couple don't have children. A.

0:55:01.880 --> 0:55:05.160
<v Speaker 2>That's one thing. B. You get sick of people. Like

0:55:05.440 --> 0:55:07.920
<v Speaker 2>the reason why I love long distance relationships is because

0:55:08.000 --> 0:55:09.719
<v Speaker 2>you know, it's something like you're not going to get

0:55:09.760 --> 0:55:11.359
<v Speaker 2>sick of you and you're not going to annoy me

0:55:11.560 --> 0:55:13.960
<v Speaker 2>five days, and if you are, that's a big problem.

0:55:14.000 --> 0:55:17.440
<v Speaker 2>But like if I I like that sparing amount of

0:55:17.480 --> 0:55:20.239
<v Speaker 2>time with someone, I know my personality and I would

0:55:20.320 --> 0:55:22.799
<v Speaker 2>experience bad death within the first year. You know, you

0:55:22.880 --> 0:55:26.000
<v Speaker 2>have to be really into somebody and you have to

0:55:26.040 --> 0:55:29.400
<v Speaker 2>work hard at maintaining some sort of sex life that's

0:55:29.480 --> 0:55:32.200
<v Speaker 2>like new and fun and original. And that's really hard

0:55:32.239 --> 0:55:34.800
<v Speaker 2>to do, right because you usually set up a dynamic

0:55:34.840 --> 0:55:37.279
<v Speaker 2>with somebody and then you have that dynamic and so

0:55:37.320 --> 0:55:41.120
<v Speaker 2>you're not creating new sexual like shenanigans with someone you

0:55:41.120 --> 0:55:43.440
<v Speaker 2>have to That feels false and it's also awkward.

0:55:43.760 --> 0:55:49.239
<v Speaker 8>Well that the scheduling of sex. It makes me crazy.

0:55:49.239 --> 0:55:51.680
<v Speaker 5>You know you have to schedule, know the scheduling where

0:55:51.719 --> 0:55:54.640
<v Speaker 5>you say, okay on Tuesdays, this is going to be

0:55:54.680 --> 0:55:55.040
<v Speaker 5>our time.

0:55:55.160 --> 0:55:57.400
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, yeah, that gives me the creeps.

0:55:57.200 --> 0:56:00.560
<v Speaker 5>Right by people, but people that is advised, though I

0:56:00.600 --> 0:56:04.000
<v Speaker 5>know it's been very like people say, no, it actually works.

0:56:04.040 --> 0:56:05.200
<v Speaker 5>I can't understand that.

0:56:05.400 --> 0:56:08.440
<v Speaker 2>But it also it's also helpful for people who are

0:56:08.440 --> 0:56:10.480
<v Speaker 2>in a dry spell just to get back into the

0:56:10.520 --> 0:56:12.600
<v Speaker 2>act of having sex because It's like when you don't

0:56:12.680 --> 0:56:15.080
<v Speaker 2>use your vagina, you start to go, well, I don't

0:56:15.120 --> 0:56:17.920
<v Speaker 2>need sex. You know who cares. It's like women when

0:56:17.920 --> 0:56:20.920
<v Speaker 2>they hit menopause are like, well, I'm not it hurts

0:56:20.960 --> 0:56:22.319
<v Speaker 2>I can't have sex, and it's like, well, you have

0:56:22.360 --> 0:56:25.080
<v Speaker 2>to use your vagina not to lose your vagina. And also,

0:56:25.120 --> 0:56:27.880
<v Speaker 2>when you're with somebody for twenty years, most straight couples

0:56:27.920 --> 0:56:30.360
<v Speaker 2>stop making out. You know, they're not kissing, they're not

0:56:30.400 --> 0:56:33.400
<v Speaker 2>making out, they're having sex, but it's rudimentary. It's like,

0:56:33.440 --> 0:56:34.000
<v Speaker 2>oh god, I.

0:56:34.000 --> 0:56:35.399
<v Speaker 5>Have a scheduled sex thing too.

0:56:35.520 --> 0:56:37.400
<v Speaker 2>Exactly. It's like, OK, coming, we want to meet me

0:56:37.400 --> 0:56:38.879
<v Speaker 2>in the shower and we can get it done real quick.

0:56:38.920 --> 0:56:41.080
<v Speaker 2>So it's like check, check, got it done. I have

0:56:41.120 --> 0:56:43.239
<v Speaker 2>a lot of friends who talk like that, and a

0:56:43.280 --> 0:56:44.960
<v Speaker 2>lot of friends when I say do you make out

0:56:45.000 --> 0:56:47.080
<v Speaker 2>with your husband? I would say ninety percent of my

0:56:47.120 --> 0:56:49.440
<v Speaker 2>straight friends do not make out with their husbands. They

0:56:49.480 --> 0:56:51.560
<v Speaker 2>would love to, but that ship has sailed.

0:56:51.760 --> 0:56:54.640
<v Speaker 5>I've heard that making out actually is more powerful than

0:56:54.680 --> 0:56:55.919
<v Speaker 5>like scheduling sex time.

0:56:56.120 --> 0:56:57.880
<v Speaker 6>I would love to everything.

0:56:58.000 --> 0:57:00.279
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, kissing is like the most intimate thing.

0:57:00.480 --> 0:57:03.040
<v Speaker 6>It also gets you going right, Yes it does.

0:57:03.160 --> 0:57:06.000
<v Speaker 5>But even if it doesn't get that far, it's still

0:57:06.080 --> 0:57:11.160
<v Speaker 5>like represents a level of intimacy that that sex doesn't always.

0:57:11.239 --> 0:57:15.120
<v Speaker 2>And there's like cuddling and like snuggling that goes along

0:57:15.160 --> 0:57:17.240
<v Speaker 2>with kissing that goes a long way too. Like there

0:57:17.320 --> 0:57:20.800
<v Speaker 2>is intimate that is intimate, that is intimacy as well.

0:57:21.120 --> 0:57:22.920
<v Speaker 2>Sex can be non intimate, you know.

0:57:23.280 --> 0:57:23.959
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that's true.

0:57:24.760 --> 0:57:26.800
<v Speaker 5>Bad death. It's like the lesbian bed death thing. I

0:57:26.840 --> 0:57:28.480
<v Speaker 5>think it gets put on us because you think of

0:57:28.520 --> 0:57:32.160
<v Speaker 5>two women, and two women get together and they just

0:57:32.320 --> 0:57:34.560
<v Speaker 5>want to like nuzzle in and stay at home and

0:57:34.640 --> 0:57:37.479
<v Speaker 5>nurture and get a bunch of cats and never leave

0:57:37.720 --> 0:57:40.600
<v Speaker 5>and order take out in order to take out exactly.

0:57:40.680 --> 0:57:42.600
<v Speaker 5>And so I think that's how that stigma got put

0:57:42.600 --> 0:57:43.439
<v Speaker 5>on on us.

0:57:43.640 --> 0:57:48.280
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, and I feel like sex is awful, But scheduling

0:57:48.360 --> 0:57:51.439
<v Speaker 4>a date night where you can actually reconnect with your

0:57:51.560 --> 0:57:54.640
<v Speaker 4>partner and like go do something novel and.

0:57:55.480 --> 0:57:57.840
<v Speaker 5>I like, I like it. I'm with you on the

0:57:57.920 --> 0:57:59.720
<v Speaker 5>date night thing. Yeah, if you make a point to

0:57:59.760 --> 0:58:01.720
<v Speaker 5>like go have dinner or go out and have drinks

0:58:01.760 --> 0:58:02.440
<v Speaker 5>and get out of the.

0:58:02.400 --> 0:58:06.640
<v Speaker 4>House, rekindle intimacy rather than just the sex part of it.

0:58:06.960 --> 0:58:10.000
<v Speaker 4>I'll also say because of the antidepressant thing, like you

0:58:10.000 --> 0:58:13.360
<v Speaker 4>don't necessarily know, like antidepressants are tricky to get it right.

0:58:13.480 --> 0:58:16.160
<v Speaker 4>But if you're open to experimenting with some other stuff,

0:58:16.200 --> 0:58:18.600
<v Speaker 4>like talk to your doctor because and say like, this

0:58:18.640 --> 0:58:20.640
<v Speaker 4>is what I'm experiencing. I have no sex life because

0:58:20.640 --> 0:58:22.720
<v Speaker 4>of this. What else can we try? So that might

0:58:22.720 --> 0:58:23.520
<v Speaker 4>be something to do to.

0:58:23.640 --> 0:58:28.760
<v Speaker 2>Okay, Well, on that very depressing note, I would like

0:58:28.880 --> 0:58:31.360
<v Speaker 2>to say I am very happy that I am single

0:58:32.800 --> 0:58:35.600
<v Speaker 2>and that the next person I have sex with is

0:58:36.360 --> 0:58:42.000
<v Speaker 2>hopefully gonna be a lot of fun. Yeah. It's like,

0:58:42.160 --> 0:58:45.240
<v Speaker 2>even when I'm breaking up with someone, I'm like, I

0:58:45.280 --> 0:58:47.040
<v Speaker 2>can never be sad because I'm like, there's just a

0:58:47.040 --> 0:58:48.480
<v Speaker 2>new adventure on my life, right.

0:58:48.600 --> 0:58:48.800
<v Speaker 6>You know.

0:58:48.840 --> 0:58:50.360
<v Speaker 5>That's a nice optimistic way of saying.

0:58:50.920 --> 0:58:53.400
<v Speaker 2>And it's just but I that's how I feel. I'm

0:58:53.400 --> 0:58:55.880
<v Speaker 2>always like, well that okay, that that would served its purpose.

0:58:56.200 --> 0:58:57.919
<v Speaker 2>What what other candy is out there?

0:58:58.080 --> 0:58:58.280
<v Speaker 8>You know?

0:58:58.880 --> 0:59:04.040
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that doesn't really help the The grass is always greener.

0:59:04.480 --> 0:59:06.360
<v Speaker 2>The book is called So Gay for You. It's written

0:59:06.360 --> 0:59:09.480
<v Speaker 2>by Alicia Haley and Kate Manigg And I think I

0:59:09.480 --> 0:59:11.520
<v Speaker 2>said it better the first time, But you know that's

0:59:11.560 --> 0:59:14.840
<v Speaker 2>your fault for having that last name. It's a great

0:59:14.880 --> 0:59:19.440
<v Speaker 2>book and these ladies wrote it together, which is so cute.

0:59:19.560 --> 0:59:20.360
<v Speaker 6>Thanks.

0:59:19.960 --> 0:59:26.520
<v Speaker 9>Thanks, how gay, So get yourself a copy and tune

0:59:26.560 --> 0:59:28.960
<v Speaker 9>in and you can follow them both on Instagram and

0:59:29.120 --> 0:59:30.600
<v Speaker 9>are on TikTok and they follow in love.

0:59:31.040 --> 0:59:33.240
<v Speaker 5>No, not TikTok.

0:59:33.640 --> 0:59:35.120
<v Speaker 2>That's what it will be the name of the episode.

0:59:35.200 --> 0:59:39.040
<v Speaker 2>Not on talk. I can't see this on TikTok. Thank

0:59:39.080 --> 0:59:43.800
<v Speaker 2>you ladies for coming in today, Thank you for having us. Yeah, Okay,

0:59:43.920 --> 0:59:46.720
<v Speaker 2>my remaining dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates for

0:59:46.760 --> 0:59:52.800
<v Speaker 2>this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in

0:59:52.880 --> 0:59:57.240
<v Speaker 2>Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July fifth.

0:59:57.240 --> 1:00:00.000
<v Speaker 2>We will be the next date that I'm there, July fifth,

1:00:00.200 --> 1:00:05.120
<v Speaker 2>August thirtieth, and then November one and twenty ninth. November

1:00:05.160 --> 1:00:08.560
<v Speaker 2>first and November twenty ninth, I will be in Las

1:00:08.640 --> 1:00:12.520
<v Speaker 2>Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.

1:00:12.720 --> 1:00:15.480
<v Speaker 2>It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,

1:00:16.040 --> 1:00:16.440
<v Speaker 2>thank you.

1:00:17.320 --> 1:00:19.880
<v Speaker 4>Do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into Dear Chelsea

1:00:19.960 --> 1:00:23.560
<v Speaker 4>podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of

1:00:23.600 --> 1:00:26.760
<v Speaker 4>Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod.

1:00:27.320 --> 1:00:31.160
<v Speaker 4>Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive

1:00:31.200 --> 1:00:33.720
<v Speaker 4>producer Catherine Law and be sure to check out our

1:00:33.720 --> 1:00:37.440
<v Speaker 4>merch at Chelseahandler dot com