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Speaker 1: Chelsea, how are you. How's Europe?

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Speaker 2: Hi, Catherine, Oh my god, I am I honestly, first

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Speaker 2: of all, I don't even know where to begin. I

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Speaker 2: just walked I think twenty seven thousand steps. We're in

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Speaker 2: Edinburgh today. My cousin's here, Molly, as you know. Mollie.

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Speaker 3: Yes, her husband has crashed our party with their four

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Speaker 3: year old, and I split off with them after her

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Speaker 3: four year old said Mommy for the seven hundredth time

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Speaker 3: in under one hour.

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Speaker 2: I was like, you really are patient, and it's not

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Speaker 2: enough to walk twenty steps ahead of you. I need

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Speaker 2: to go listen to a political podcast while I walk home.

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Speaker 2: But I honestly feel like one of my hips, like

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Speaker 2: I got this great SI belt thing because my s

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Speaker 2: I joint always pops out. When I was skiing all winter.

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Speaker 2: It was kind of annoying me. So it's been amazing.

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Speaker 2: So anyone who's listening who has SI problems, like where

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Speaker 2: your hip kind of pops out, you got to get

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Speaker 2: one of these belts because it keeps everything in place.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to really be promoting Amazon, but I

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Speaker 2: did order it on Amazon, and when I say I

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Speaker 2: ordered it, somebody else ordered it for me. So I

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Speaker 2: want to be very transparent about everything I say. But

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Speaker 2: we're having the best time in Europe. We've had the

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Speaker 2: most amazing shows. It's been so wonderful to be able

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Speaker 2: to apologize on behalf of our administration.

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Speaker 1: And just America as a whole, and.

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Speaker 2: Really convey my apologies to our former allies. We have

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Speaker 2: hit the ground running in every city. Every time we land,

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Speaker 2: they say it's going to be raining, and then we

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Speaker 2: land and the sun is out. It happens everywhere. Rekuvic, Paris.

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Speaker 2: We had two days in Paris. We had an amazing

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Speaker 2: time in Amsterdam. Stockholm was absolutely gorgeous, Oslo, then we

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Speaker 2: went to Belfast. We were in Belfast with sunny. Yamanika

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Speaker 2: was in Belfast with us, so they didn't know what

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Speaker 2: the fuck hit them. London, London was incredible. We were

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Speaker 2: in Glasgow two nights ago. So today is the day off.

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Speaker 2: In Edinburgh, we had yes starting off and then I

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Speaker 2: think tomorrow we go to Zurich. All right, So it's

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Speaker 2: been absolutely wonderful. The crowds are amazing. I'm just I

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Speaker 2: really feel so happy to be here and to be

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Speaker 2: spreading like you know, the vibes.

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Speaker 1: I'm so glad, thank you.

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Speaker 2: How are you.

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Speaker 1: I'm great, you know.

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Speaker 4: I've just had a couple weeks of like a little

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Speaker 4: bit of downtime, had some barbecues.

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Speaker 1: It's been really really nice, so very relaxing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's nice. That's nice. We've had some incredible food here,

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Speaker 2: incredible food everywhere. And Edinburgh is like one of the

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Speaker 2: most beautiful cities in the world. I hadn't been here

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Speaker 2: for like thirty years. I came with one of my

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Speaker 2: boyfriends when I was like twenty years old, and it

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Speaker 2: is so old and so preserved, and they don't have

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Speaker 2: high rises, and it's not gross with all the stores.

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Speaker 2: I mean they have sections of like you know, Gucci

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Speaker 2: and Fendi and all that, which is fine, but they

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Speaker 2: don't it's just beautiful and the cobblestone streets and the

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Speaker 2: castles everywhere, and it's just been gorgeous here. So we

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Speaker 2: went on a long, long walk today and I had

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Speaker 2: a big blood blister when I came home, so that

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Speaker 2: was really satisfying to pop. And then I am going

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Speaker 2: to take a Xanax tonight and prepare for I'm taking

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Speaker 2: the day off of drinking, even though I already had

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Speaker 2: a drink at lunch, taking the night off of drinking

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Speaker 2: because I need to have a clear head since tomorrow

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Speaker 2: night I have a show, and I'm just really grateful.

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Speaker 2: I'm just I'm reading great books.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, oh, we got to do a Minnesota book ground up. Well,

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Speaker 4: if there's anything what you'll mention right now.

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Speaker 2: There's a really good book. This isn't a new book

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Speaker 2: that's out, but I just read it. It's called Red

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Speaker 2: Notice by Bill Browder and it's all about Russia. And

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Speaker 2: he's this big finance investment guy who started investing in

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Speaker 2: Russia after they it changed from communism to quote unquote

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Speaker 2: capitalism and they privatized everything and it's a fascinating rate.

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Speaker 2: So of course, you know, I sent that to my

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Speaker 2: half of my family. I'm like, here's the country you defend.

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Speaker 2: And then I got that book The Emperor of Gladness.

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Speaker 2: Oh sho did you hear about this book?

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Speaker 1: I don't know this one.

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Speaker 2: It's heavy.

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Speaker 1: I know her, but I haven't read that book.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, this is just came out and this is supposed

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Speaker 2: to be great. And then I read Morality by Jonathan Sacks.

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Speaker 2: We'll go over all of that. I just wanted to

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Speaker 2: remember what morality was in these times anyway, So everything's great.

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Speaker 2: Doug is living up a storm in Canada. He's going

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Speaker 2: from house to house to house. People are there's a

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Speaker 2: waiting list to hang out with him. So and I

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Speaker 2: won't see him until I do my show in Vegas

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Speaker 2: on July fifth, So that's when I come back to America.

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Speaker 2: July fifth, everybody, I'll be in Vegas.

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Speaker 1: Awesome. What other dates do you have coming up in

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Speaker 1: Europe for the next week or two?

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Speaker 2: Everything in Europe is sold out, so oh, no, Barcelona

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Speaker 2: I think has tickets. Barcelona, I believe is June second,

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Speaker 2: So if you're yeah, Barcelona has tickets, but everything else

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Speaker 2: is sold out. And I didn't want to add any

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Speaker 2: second shows because I have I'd have to do them

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Speaker 2: the same night, and I'm like, I just can't. I

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Speaker 2: can't do two shows in a night when.

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Speaker 1: I don't have to totally.

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Speaker 2: So I'll have to come back sooner than later because

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Speaker 2: I've just been having the best time here and I'm

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Speaker 2: just so grateful. That's the word of the day is gratitude.

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Speaker 4: Well, listen, you're bringing joy and apparently literal sunshine to

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Speaker 4: every city who go to So that's great.

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Speaker 2: I know, my cousin keeps going every morning. Molly goes, oh,

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Speaker 2: my god, can you believe we keep changing the weather.

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Speaker 2: It's supposed to rain, and we keep changing the weather.

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Speaker 2: And I wanted to go it's not you, it's me,

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Speaker 2: because I've been doing this since I was born. And

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Speaker 2: we were on the phone. We were on the phone

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Speaker 2: with my sister. We're going to Greece in a couple

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Speaker 2: of weeks for my sister's big birthday, like twelve of

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Speaker 2: us of the girls in the family, and my sister goes, well,

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Speaker 2: if Chelsea's coming, we're gonna have sunshine. Molly goes, oh,

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Speaker 2: everywhere we go there's been sunshine, and they've been it's

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Speaker 2: been forecasting rain and everywhere we go sunshine and she goes, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 2: Chelsea always brings the good weather. And Molly's like, no,

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Speaker 2: I thought it was me, And I was like, well,

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Speaker 2: I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but it really

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Speaker 2: has enough in.

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Speaker 1: Its very Molly. Sorry, Molly. And you know what, if

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Speaker 1: you can't get tickets.

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Speaker 4: To Chelsea's sold out shows in Europe, you can check

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Speaker 4: out her special.

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Speaker 2: Oh yes, you could check out my special The Feeling,

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Speaker 2: which is so funny all these European people are like,

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Speaker 2: we didn't want to watch your Feeling because we thought

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Speaker 2: it was going to be the same material as what

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Speaker 2: you're doing. Now I'm like, no, no, no, I have

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Speaker 2: a whole new hour, bitches, I'm ready to rumble. Excellent,

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Speaker 2: I have a whole new hour about not vacationing with

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Speaker 2: your family. Okay, So today's episode we have well, you know,

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Speaker 2: our guests from The l Word and their podcast Pants.

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Speaker 2: They have co written a new memoir and it's called

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Speaker 2: So Gay for You, which I read, which is delightful,

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Speaker 2: and it's all about their experiences on the show and

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Speaker 2: be on the show. Please welcome to Captain Lesbians, Lesha

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Speaker 2: Haley and Kate Mennig. Congrats on the book, you ladies.

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Speaker 5: Thank you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, how excited, Thank you very much. Yeah wild, I know, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I never thought.

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Speaker 5: This would happen. Really yeah, this was never on my

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Speaker 5: bucket list.

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Speaker 2: But let us talk about it' k happening. So welcome

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Speaker 2: to the podcast.

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Speaker 6: Thanks thanks for having us.

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Speaker 2: Very excited about your new book, So Gay for You.

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Speaker 2: I was reading this on a plane and then I

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Speaker 2: and then and the gay flight attendant.

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Speaker 7: It was mail.

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Speaker 2: He was like, m hmmm, and I'm like, uh huh,

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Speaker 2: And I'm like I had no idea what he was

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Speaker 2: talking about. And then when I put when I finished

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Speaker 2: it and closed it, I was like, oh, I see what.

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Speaker 5: He's talking about.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I love this cover of the two of you?

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Speaker 2: And what took you so long to write a book

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Speaker 2: about how you met? How like how the show started?

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Speaker 2: What took you so long?

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Speaker 8: I mean, we're like a couple of dumb dumb actors,

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Speaker 8: no one ever, like, we never thought we could do this,

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Speaker 8: and then the.

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Speaker 5: Opportunity got brought up to us and we thought, sure,

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Speaker 5: why not.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you seem like you don't think you can do

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Speaker 2: much of anything because like what's of you?

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Speaker 6: It's like self esteem issues. That's really funny. That's your takeaway.

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Speaker 5: You always yeah, it's true. You always say that the

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Speaker 5: dumb dumbs. But we never thought well writing. I mean listen, well.

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Speaker 8: We barely graduated and and we didn't go to college,

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Speaker 8: graduated high school and I didn't go to college and

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Speaker 8: I just wrote my seventh books.

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Speaker 2: So that is not a barrier. I'm not anul.

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Speaker 6: What I think of you and I go, oh, she's.

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Speaker 2: Really I love it. I hope my sisters are listening. No,

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Speaker 2: in the book you talk about you tried to turn

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Speaker 2: down this role. Yeah, so you didn't think you could

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Speaker 2: do that. You were in a band. You're still in

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Speaker 2: a band, but you were in a different band then, right,

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Speaker 2: And you got the offer for the role, turned it

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Speaker 2: down one, two, three times? Three times?

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Speaker 3: Was no?

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Speaker 6: Three?

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Speaker 8: Yeah, I that I didn't turn it down because I

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Speaker 8: didn't think I could do it. It's because I was

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Speaker 8: in like a codependent band relationship and I was like,

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Speaker 8: I'm going to leave my band mate and ruin her

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Speaker 8: life and go I don't know, it just felt wrong.

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Speaker 2: Right, Well, that's wrong. You know, that doesn't make any sense.

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Speaker 6: I know.

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Speaker 8: I it was a choice I was about to make

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Speaker 8: that would have changed my life forever.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 4: I think you had a friend who like saved you

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Speaker 4: from that bad decision, right, Yes, like total do it,

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Speaker 4: you gotta do it?

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Speaker 8: Yeah, And no, well to like Heather, who is my bandmate.

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Speaker 8: We just we were in something that we were like,

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Speaker 8: we're going to do this forever. You know, when you're

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Speaker 8: that young, you're like, yeah, have you ever been in that.

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Speaker 6: Where you're in a.

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Speaker 8: Working relationship with someone that you're like, this is for

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Speaker 8: the rest of our lives.

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Speaker 2: I mean I feel like that almost about any relationship, right,

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Speaker 2: Like when things are going well, you're like, we'll be

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Speaker 2: together forever. Yeah, but the reality of that actually coming

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Speaker 2: to fruition is like no, I know, you know, their

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Speaker 2: breakups and all the time, and then there's creative evolution,

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Speaker 2: so you move on to other things and other outlets,

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Speaker 2: and then you're like, oh, okay, well obviously you can't

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Speaker 2: work with everybody. It's a great idea, but it's kind

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Speaker 2: of like a marriage, which is you know why those

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Speaker 2: typically don't work. Yeah, okay, So let's start at the beginning.

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Speaker 2: So you guys open this book with your with your

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Speaker 2: auditions for the Elk. Yes, and so what year was this?

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Speaker 2: Do we remember to?

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Speaker 5: June two thousand and two.

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Speaker 2: June two thousand and two, okay, so that's like twenty

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Speaker 2: twenty something. It was a long time ago. Yeah, yes,

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Speaker 2: And you met each you saw each other, yeah, yeah

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Speaker 2: at the audition because you were auditioning for the same

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Speaker 2: role originally.

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Speaker 5: Yeah. We Yeah. I was told my manager said there's

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Speaker 5: only one other person who's going to be reading for

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Speaker 5: this part, and I said okay, because it was a specific.

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Speaker 2: Kind of and you came out from I flew out

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Speaker 2: from New York.

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Speaker 5: Because I was on the East coast then. And my

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Speaker 5: manager is like, I can do some digging find out

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Speaker 5: who it is. And I said, no, no, no, no no.

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Speaker 5: I was like, let me just go there. This is

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Speaker 5: pressurrey enough. And I walk in and I saw the

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Speaker 5: back of her head and her hair was like whisping

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Speaker 5: out in the back.

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Speaker 6: Well you remember this, Lek, Yes, it was.

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Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying. It's like we had a

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Speaker 5: lot of layers. Yeah, we had layers in the whole thing.

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Speaker 5: And compared to every other actor out there playing reading

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Speaker 5: for another role who had long hair, I just saw

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Speaker 5: the back of her head and I thought that's it.

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Speaker 5: And then that's it. I was like, that's her, that's it.

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Speaker 5: I was like, that's that's that's my competition. And so

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Speaker 5: they ushered actors reading for another role to the one side.

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Speaker 5: We went off to the other side and and we

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Speaker 5: just sat in an echo week quiet hallway for about

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Speaker 5: forty five minutes, just kind of nodding and smiling at

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Speaker 5: each other, trying to be polite.

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Speaker 8: And a lot of people find this hard to believe

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Speaker 8: that I was up for the role that Kate ended

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Speaker 8: up getting because it's like this sexual lithario like but

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Speaker 8: I think it might have just been my like funky hair.

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Speaker 8: I don't know why I was up for this role,

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Speaker 8: but I had there was something about me. But there

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Speaker 8: was no way in hell. There was no way in

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Speaker 8: hell I was meant for that part right right, like

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Speaker 8: it was Kate's.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, of course, but I didn't know that. I thought, oh,

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Speaker 5: she's got this in the.

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Speaker 1: Bag because you have the comb right.

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Speaker 8: I had to come because like the fawns.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, she showed up with the prop and I

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Speaker 5: thought that's it. I was like, that's the secret to

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Speaker 5: this whole thing. And I never thought of doing that.

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Speaker 5: And I slept all the way out here from the

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Speaker 5: other coast and it's over before it even started, Like

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Speaker 5: I thought I was done auditioning.

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Speaker 2: Fucking sucks.

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Speaker 5: It's horrible.

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Speaker 2: I mean, it is really one of the most I think.

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Speaker 2: I mean, that's what turned me off of acting. When

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Speaker 2: I got out here. Thank goodness I could do other

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Speaker 2: things because I was like, I don't know how I'm

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Speaker 2: going to nail this. Yeah, it's so unnatural. What an

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Speaker 2: unnatural environment and it's degrading and you know, you're sitting

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Speaker 2: there like cattle waiting outside a room and then going

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Speaker 2: in and everyone's competing that that energy is so bad

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Speaker 2: for the soul.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, trying to not compeding, but you all know.

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Speaker 5: And then you get and then you get called into

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Speaker 5: the room and it's whatever the circumstances that you're meant

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Speaker 5: to be reading for, it's just it's always going to

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Speaker 5: be unnatural. But you have to somehow make it look like,

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Speaker 5: oh no, this is completely normal, and like we're in

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Speaker 5: this intimate experience and we're not.

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Speaker 6: And now we don't even do that anymore.

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Speaker 5: No, now we go on zooms and we control it

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Speaker 5: or still better, yeah, better, but it's that has its

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Speaker 5: own set of problems.

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Speaker 8: But yeah, I want to hear about your like your

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Speaker 8: audition process or what you were.

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Speaker 2: Well. Let me, I once auditioned for a Nike commercial.

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Speaker 2: I mean this wasn't a serious thing obviously, but I

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Speaker 2: have tons of audition stories. But at some point, at

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Speaker 2: a certain point, I.

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Speaker 5: Was like, rshoals, that's that was your thing.

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Speaker 2: No, I never was my thing. I never booked one.

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Speaker 2: But I once auditioned for a Nike commercial and they

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Speaker 2: had me and I had to wear short shorts. So

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Speaker 2: I remember getting up in the morning in Santa Monica

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Speaker 2: and I ran six miles so that my legs were like,

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Speaker 2: you know, like like a throbbing penis, basically like they

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Speaker 2: were at peak muscle, like you know, you know, after

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Speaker 2: a run was when they're like the strongest. And I

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Speaker 2: was young. I was like in my twenties. And then

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Speaker 2: I got it and they were like, okay, you know,

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Speaker 2: this is a dance commercial, so just like do whatever,

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Speaker 2: you know, just dance. And I cannot dance. I have

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Speaker 2: no rhythm, I can't sing, and I can't dance. Anyone

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Speaker 2: who sees me dance it's like, oh wow, but I'm

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Speaker 2: now I'm met like I'm fifty. So I'm like, fuck it,

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Speaker 2: who cares if I'm a bad dancer. I've already proven

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Speaker 2: that I'm good at other things, not dancing. But that's

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Speaker 2: not going to stop me. You know, I'll just take

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Speaker 2: whatever drugs I need to get me on the dance floor.

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Speaker 2: And I remember in the moment, not knowing that I

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Speaker 2: had to dance, and them telling me, and it was

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Speaker 2: a bunch of Asian people and that were and I

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Speaker 2: just basically blacked out, like I blacked out and just

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Speaker 2: started running and doing aerobics and just whatever the most

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Speaker 2: humiliating version of that could have been was what I did.

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Speaker 2: And I didn't look anyone in the eye. I just

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Speaker 2: kept spinning around. I was doing it. At one point

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Speaker 2: I did a jumping jack and then I was like

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Speaker 2: two stepping, and then I ran in certain directions, but

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Speaker 2: that there was a wall, and all I remember is

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Speaker 2: when is this going to be over? When is this

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Speaker 2: going to be over? And I remember just running out

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Speaker 2: the door. I said thank you, goodbye, ran out the door,

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Speaker 2: and I called my agent and I was like, I

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Speaker 2: don't want to audition for commercials anymore, and I know dancing.

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Speaker 2: And after that I stopped auditioning for commercials because I

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Speaker 2: was like, this is too sure. I can't do. I

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Speaker 2: can't subject myself to this kind of shame, Like I'm

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Speaker 2: too confident of a person. This will ruin me. And

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Speaker 2: it wasn't long after that that I stopped auditioning for

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Speaker 2: television stuff too, Like if it was an auditioned situation,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, that's not my strong suit. You have to

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Speaker 2: audition so many times to be good at it, except

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Speaker 2: in your case, you weren't auditioning a lot to be

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Speaker 2: good at it. You just nailed it.

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Speaker 8: Well, yeah, I guess it was meant to be. But

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Speaker 8: I've since that role, I've never really booked much of anything.

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Speaker 7: Like.

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Speaker 8: That's the funny thing about my stories, Like I got

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Speaker 8: this like iconic show, but have like failed as an

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Speaker 8: actress ever since. Really yeah yeah, Like and then the

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Speaker 8: reboot happened again and I was like, Okay, I'm back

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Speaker 8: to play this part again, and then crickets again. It's

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Speaker 8: really and I've made peace with it. I'm like, I

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Speaker 8: guess that's what I was supposed to do.

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Speaker 6: Or I can't do. I don't know what it is,

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Speaker 6: but it's it's wild.

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Speaker 5: You may count thanks. That is wild.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that is frustrating. Also, it must have been

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Speaker 2: really frustrating for until you made peace with it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 8: I mean when the show ended, I thought, Okay, great,

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Speaker 8: I'm gonna go on to do I mean I did

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Speaker 8: do it.

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Speaker 5: Lisha did a thing where when we the show ended,

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Speaker 5: the original show ended, Lisha had a band and she said,

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Speaker 5: I'm going to go off touring. Yeah, the band And

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Speaker 5: whenever anytime you're you're coming off a long running show,

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Speaker 5: everyone not everyone, but sort of this unspoken thing where

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Speaker 5: people realize, oh, you have like a to kind of

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Speaker 5: see where you can take that influence and maybe directed

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Speaker 5: into a different into another job, right, And that's when

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Speaker 5: you took off.

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Speaker 6: And yeah, and everyone else went on to do so

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Speaker 6: other things.

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Speaker 5: Everyone else was like trying to utilize that little momentum.

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Speaker 5: We had to say, Oh, let's see if it's just good.

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Speaker 2: How many years was the l word on?

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Speaker 8: It was six season, six seasons the original was six

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Speaker 8: and three in the.

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Speaker 2: Reboot and three in the reboot. And did you direct

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Speaker 2: one of the episodes from the reboot?

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Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, which something always wanted to do. But yeah,

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Speaker 8: it's the life of an actor kind.

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Speaker 5: Of, it's not. It's not for the faint at heart.

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Speaker 5: And now it's shifted in a completely different way that.

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Speaker 2: How do you think it's shifted now?

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Speaker 5: Well, for one, you can't get into rooms anymore, so

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Speaker 5: everything's just based on your zoom audition, so there's never

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Speaker 5: any feedback. And because there's so many mergers and all

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Speaker 5: these companies are either forming or breaking apart, it's it's

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Speaker 5: nothing is safe. I think part of the reason why

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Speaker 5: why our reboot got canceled is because of a merger,

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Speaker 5: and you just even when a project seems like it's

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Speaker 5: going to be great, well well maybe not because either

395
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:06,520
Speaker 5: our company is going to fold into another one or

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Speaker 5: that's no longer the direction, or a new president is

397
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Speaker 5: coming in, and it's just this nothing settled yet.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so weird. It's like there's so much money

399
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:18,480
Speaker 2: in entertainment and there's so many platforms now, yet there

400
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:22,520
Speaker 2: seems to be like a contraction happening, you know, severe contraction,

401
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:24,840
Speaker 2: and it doesn't really add up because all the money's

402
00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:26,760
Speaker 2: at the top, you know, they don't want to distribute

403
00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:31,000
Speaker 2: it down like evenly to anyone. So it's just like greedy, greedy, greedy.

404
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:33,680
Speaker 2: I guess it's a reflection of what's happening in Washington, really,

405
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Speaker 2: you know, it's kind of the same thing. It's like

406
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Speaker 2: people are so greedy they don't want to pay. But

407
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Speaker 2: so talk let's talk about the experience of being on

408
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:43,040
Speaker 2: the L word. What that meant to you, because it

409
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Speaker 2: was really the only show about lesbians and such a

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Speaker 2: huge success on Showtime.

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Speaker 5: Right, did you ever see it?

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Speaker 7: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Of course, of course.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And you don't think only lesbians watched it?

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Speaker 5: No, Actually, for fact, a lot of straight women.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, they really identified with the friendships.

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Speaker 2: I think, yes, yeah, let's talk about that. Let's talk

419
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Speaker 2: about the French. It's so funny because with heterosexual people

420
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Speaker 2: like it's I just had this conversation the other day,

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Speaker 2: like I think, or maybe it was somebody who called

422
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Speaker 2: into the podcast. We were talking about like you wouldn't

423
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Speaker 2: be talking about these feelings if it wasn't a straight

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Speaker 2: man and you were a straight woman. And they were

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Speaker 2: both like you know, in other relationships, and they were

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Speaker 2: talking about their friendship and if there were feelings, and

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Speaker 2: it's like, oh, you can have male friends without having

428
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Speaker 2: sexual feelings. But at the inception of meeting every man

429
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Speaker 2: and woman when there's a HEATERO, when they're both heterosexual,

430
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Speaker 2: there's always the glance over of like what I fuck you? Yeah?

431
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Speaker 2: Am I attracted to you? Do I find you attractive?

432
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Speaker 2: Like that's the first thing that comes to your mind?

433
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Speaker 2: And because of how we've all been trained, you know,

434
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Speaker 2: like and this, but with lesbians and friendships, I want

435
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:55,280
Speaker 2: to explore that more and talk about that because that

436
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Speaker 2: was depicted on the show so well, well we.

437
00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,720
Speaker 6: Will assume that like if your friends, you're.

438
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,320
Speaker 5: Obviously going to be sleeping.

439
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:03,440
Speaker 6: It's the same thing.

440
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:06,640
Speaker 5: Like everyone shocked that Lisha and I have never crossed

441
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:10,320
Speaker 5: that line because it's such a rarity, actually because a

442
00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:13,920
Speaker 5: lot of it's I do. I think kind I do. Yeah,

443
00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:17,439
Speaker 5: It's normal for like two women to like be together

444
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:19,600
Speaker 5: at one point, break up, and then ten years down

445
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,920
Speaker 5: the line they're best friends, like to the point where

446
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:24,159
Speaker 5: they're family. You and I we never know.

447
00:19:24,359 --> 00:19:26,359
Speaker 6: Never, we never crossed, and we never wanted to.

448
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:26,880
Speaker 2: Never.

449
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:28,480
Speaker 6: It never would bring to either one of us.

450
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:30,080
Speaker 5: No, that would just be unnatural.

451
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:33,280
Speaker 2: I find when lesbian, all of my lesbian friends, when

452
00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:35,760
Speaker 2: one of them breaks up, like six of them break up.

453
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:39,879
Speaker 2: It happens in seasons, like so when they break up

454
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:42,760
Speaker 2: with a partner, a long term partner is domino. It's

455
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:43,840
Speaker 2: a domino effects.

456
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:44,640
Speaker 5: Interesting.

457
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:47,840
Speaker 2: Right now I'm experiencing three sets of lesbian couples that

458
00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:48,520
Speaker 2: are breaking up.

459
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:50,440
Speaker 6: I have major relationships.

460
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,760
Speaker 5: You're like, I've never I'm going to pay attention to that.

461
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:54,480
Speaker 5: I've never noticed it.

462
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,680
Speaker 2: I know, it's very strange. I mean, I think that's

463
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:58,560
Speaker 2: the advantage of being a straight person and being so

464
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:01,560
Speaker 2: immersed in lesbian in world. I have so many lesbians

465
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:03,879
Speaker 2: in my life, so I get the best of both worlds.

466
00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:06,320
Speaker 2: I assume at some point I will transition into being

467
00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:08,879
Speaker 2: a full blown lesbian just because the writing is on

468
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:12,679
Speaker 2: the wall there. So I guess they're just waiting for

469
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:13,360
Speaker 2: me to come over.

470
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:20,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, you'd be welcome to your open arms, of course.

471
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:24,199
Speaker 2: So what was the experience like of being able to

472
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:28,119
Speaker 2: depict that in a truthful, healthy way, like what like

473
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:29,719
Speaker 2: sharing that experience together?

474
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,840
Speaker 5: Well, it's interesting because I think the perception outside of

475
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,560
Speaker 5: our show is that it was so it was only

476
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:37,960
Speaker 5: designed for the male gaze, and that was a lot

477
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:41,199
Speaker 5: of critique we always heard. And Yeah, everyone thought, oh,

478
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,399
Speaker 5: it's only for straight men to get off on into

479
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,040
Speaker 5: like and it's clearly being directed.

480
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:47,680
Speaker 2: Why is every everything's for to serve up to straight man?

481
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:49,760
Speaker 5: Precisely? And the irony is that the whole show was

482
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:54,200
Speaker 5: run by women and and written by Yeah, and so

483
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:58,280
Speaker 5: it actually had like you said this before, and it's

484
00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:00,960
Speaker 5: true that like women can sexualize each other as well.

485
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,919
Speaker 5: It wasn't just objectified and objectify each other. It's not

486
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:06,040
Speaker 5: just for men. And so that was sort of a

487
00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:09,880
Speaker 5: disconnect that we on the show always thought, there's that's

488
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:12,200
Speaker 5: so off base actually to what's really going on here?

489
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:12,960
Speaker 8: M hmm.

490
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:15,359
Speaker 2: I mean if you guys had a male creator and

491
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,440
Speaker 2: a male director, I mean, can you imagine the ship

492
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:21,840
Speaker 2: you would have gotten. Well, maybe we would have been

493
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,480
Speaker 2: fine actually because people wouldn't have called it out right.

494
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:26,560
Speaker 8: We did have male directors and they were all great,

495
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:29,320
Speaker 8: like everyone took it really seriously, like everyone felt the

496
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:30,360
Speaker 8: pressure to get it right.

497
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:31,520
Speaker 6: I was like, okay, this.

498
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:33,639
Speaker 5: Is like all the male directors were always saying, is

499
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,399
Speaker 5: this right? Is okay? Like I don't want to make you,

500
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:37,040
Speaker 5: I don't want to push it or anything, and so

501
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:41,960
Speaker 5: they always they've always left it up to us to decide, oh,

502
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,159
Speaker 5: you're like pushing the boundary. And they'd listen. If we

503
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:47,560
Speaker 5: had extreme critique to an idea they had, they go okay, fine, yeah.

504
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:50,199
Speaker 8: And it was way before intimacy coordinators, which are like

505
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:52,440
Speaker 8: now it's like it's a whole thing now.

506
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:53,480
Speaker 1: But I mean we're gonna have.

507
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,320
Speaker 2: Intimacy coordinators in our real lives that.

508
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:57,960
Speaker 6: Come on right now.

509
00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:02,400
Speaker 2: I mean, like, I mean that's how serious intimacy coordinators

510
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:02,800
Speaker 2: have gotten.

511
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:03,199
Speaker 5: You know.

512
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:05,159
Speaker 8: Back then, we were just like we would work it

513
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:08,000
Speaker 8: out with each other, with the director, like it was

514
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:08,760
Speaker 8: all just like.

515
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,480
Speaker 5: I was always on the day. It was like we'd

516
00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:12,240
Speaker 5: be on set and we'd say, all right, let's figure

517
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:12,439
Speaker 5: this out.

518
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:13,679
Speaker 6: How are we going to do how are we going

519
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:14,080
Speaker 6: to do this?

520
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:17,760
Speaker 8: Yeah, But to answer your question earlier, like because I

521
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,080
Speaker 8: was out and like I was like the only gay

522
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:21,639
Speaker 8: one at the time, even though.

523
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:23,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, you were still dating men right when the show started.

524
00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:27,359
Speaker 5: Not really No, like I had, I had dated guys,

525
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,520
Speaker 5: but I wasn't. I don't think I was dating anyone

526
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:30,399
Speaker 5: when that show started.

527
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:31,240
Speaker 6: Had just broken up.

528
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:33,720
Speaker 5: But maybe I just stopped like dating some guy, but

529
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:36,760
Speaker 5: I was sort of it was nothing serious serious when

530
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:40,560
Speaker 5: I got up to Canada. But go ahead, that's right, Canada, Canada.

531
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:45,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, but we're all going back there, so yes,

532
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:50,720
Speaker 2: I'm slowly transitioning into Canada permanently before they become the

533
00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:53,800
Speaker 2: fifty first state. Anyway, Oh my god, let's not talk

534
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,439
Speaker 2: about that. Let's keep things happening.

535
00:22:56,560 --> 00:23:01,520
Speaker 8: Yes, back to Pussy Yeah, No, I I like I

536
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:06,639
Speaker 8: felt this responsibility to represent our community correctly. But I

537
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:09,840
Speaker 8: didn't even know the impact the show is going to have.

538
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:11,600
Speaker 8: Like I thought it was going to be this really

539
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:15,760
Speaker 8: underground in the TV show that what everybody.

540
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:18,800
Speaker 5: Saw, but everybody wanted to get it. Yes, we had

541
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:20,879
Speaker 5: an we had a we had a sexpert show up

542
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:25,159
Speaker 5: during the pilot with a big binder talking about like

543
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:27,440
Speaker 5: talking about sex toys and.

544
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:30,360
Speaker 6: How like a toolbox and all these and all these.

545
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:33,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, all of these, like all these all these apparatuses

546
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,200
Speaker 5: to be like, okay, so here are all the options one has.

547
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:38,320
Speaker 5: And everyone was sitting there like, oh okay, okay, and like

548
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,399
Speaker 5: there was a whole seminar about it. So everyone had

549
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 5: a really clear agenda. No one wanted to fuck it up.

550
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:50,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. I think we all. I thought

551
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:54,359
Speaker 2: you were going to continue, okay, but with the with

552
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:57,200
Speaker 2: the recognition, I mean, I'm sure here in town, right,

553
00:23:57,359 --> 00:24:01,080
Speaker 2: obviously you were being people were approaching you all the time.

554
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:02,240
Speaker 2: Oh they weren't.

555
00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:05,320
Speaker 5: No, really, you know way, No, we were in Canada.

556
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:09,199
Speaker 5: No one cared about us. Oh we lived in Canada

557
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:10,200
Speaker 5: for like nine months.

558
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:14,440
Speaker 2: Oh oh I'm sorry, I'm I'm but so you weren't

559
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 2: living in La at all.

560
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:18,480
Speaker 5: No, we weren't doing hiatus, but no one when we

561
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:20,680
Speaker 5: got home. I don't think anyone really seemed to care

562
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:23,600
Speaker 5: that much. Really, Yeah, unless you went to a gay bar,

563
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:25,760
Speaker 5: it was. That was a different story. It was different

564
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:27,199
Speaker 5: wandering down the street.

565
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,280
Speaker 8: Yeah, it was kind of like a like an insular

566
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:32,800
Speaker 8: fame like it was.

567
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:35,199
Speaker 5: It was very you know totally.

568
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 8: It was very big in the gay community. But like

569
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:41,160
Speaker 8: if you go to like Ralph's Supermarket, you're fine.

570
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:44,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, like Perez Hilton wasn't didn't care about us whatever,

571
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:45,400
Speaker 5: you know, he didn't care.

572
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,280
Speaker 2: When is Perez Hilton going to go away?

573
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:48,200
Speaker 6: Question?

574
00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:52,880
Speaker 2: Thought the most repugnant. I mean, honestly, he didn't. Didn't

575
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:55,119
Speaker 2: he go He went away, but he's back. I mean,

576
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:58,680
Speaker 2: but he's in the ether and every once in a

577
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:00,679
Speaker 2: while he pops up on my with them. I'm like,

578
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:04,359
Speaker 2: this guy is like, what are those lizards? Lizards that

579
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,879
Speaker 2: just can recreate and you cut their tail off and

580
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:08,880
Speaker 2: then they come back and they grow. I mean, talk

581
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:13,320
Speaker 2: about toxic, talk about negative. Oh my god, he's the worst. Anyway,

582
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:17,600
Speaker 2: that's a sidebar. Okay. So after the show ended, when

583
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,680
Speaker 2: when it did end and you went on tour? Where

584
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:20,679
Speaker 2: did you go on tour? I?

585
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:23,080
Speaker 8: Yeah, all all around the world. It was really fun.

586
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:26,439
Speaker 8: I had a fan yeah called uhhh hear. And it

587
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,399
Speaker 8: was a blast and I loved doing it and I

588
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:32,359
Speaker 8: felt really like at home in a band. So that

589
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:34,440
Speaker 8: was great, and I did, yeah, I just didn't concentrate

590
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:37,040
Speaker 8: on getting another show. And like Kate went off to.

591
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:40,800
Speaker 5: Do, I played a doctor and you played.

592
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:44,920
Speaker 8: A doctor and then you run Ray Donovan forever? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

593
00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 2: And so how did how do your other acting experiences

594
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:48,200
Speaker 2: compared to being on The L Word?

595
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:52,439
Speaker 5: It was like night and day, really completely well. I

596
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:54,720
Speaker 5: went from our show, which was on cable where you

597
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:58,080
Speaker 5: could get away with anything, to network television where you

598
00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:00,919
Speaker 5: couldn't get away with with a single thing, and so

599
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:03,919
Speaker 5: it was very controlled. I don't think they knew what

600
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:06,800
Speaker 5: really to do with me necessarily. I didn't have that

601
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:09,720
Speaker 5: kind of look that would cater to their audience, and

602
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:11,480
Speaker 5: so I was sort of shoved off to the side

603
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:11,760
Speaker 5: a bit.

604
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:13,639
Speaker 2: And do you think you but do you think you

605
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:15,400
Speaker 2: got that job because of the L Word?

606
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:18,639
Speaker 5: I think I got that job because of a producer

607
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:21,120
Speaker 5: named Curtis Hansen who fought for me. I don't think

608
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:23,560
Speaker 5: I got that job because CBS was like, yeah, let's

609
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:26,960
Speaker 5: get her. Absolutely not. And that was a very short

610
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,800
Speaker 5: lived job, and then I luckily landed on Ray Donovan

611
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:31,879
Speaker 5: that just kept going and going, and going, And that

612
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:33,920
Speaker 5: was back on showtime, so at least I didn't have

613
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:36,199
Speaker 5: to prove myself right, So I shut up and I

614
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 5: was like, you guys know me, you know what I

615
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 5: can do. So I felt more at home there than

616
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 5: I did on mainstream.

617
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's interesting, I mean not surprising. You know, mainstream

618
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:49,000
Speaker 2: television is just like such a cudgel. It's just so

619
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,960
Speaker 2: it's first of all, getting notes from a network. Well

620
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:55,280
Speaker 2: that was the thing, so obtrusive. It's like you're not

621
00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:58,560
Speaker 2: a creator at all. Like the whole system seems like

622
00:26:58,600 --> 00:26:59,680
Speaker 2: it needs to be broken.

623
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:03,200
Speaker 5: Yeah it was, Yeah, it was. Everyone gave notes, and

624
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:07,560
Speaker 5: assistance of people gave notes. There's always notes getting thrown around.

625
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 2: And sometimes the note giving is just like an exercise

626
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:14,240
Speaker 2: of giving notes. They're just pretending to be doing a job, right, Yeah,

627
00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:16,040
Speaker 2: because they have to give you They can't be like

628
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:16,879
Speaker 2: we have no notes.

629
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:20,040
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and they have to justify their existence precisely.

630
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's yeah.

631
00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:24,439
Speaker 8: Don't they like catchphrases like easter egg or you know,

632
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:25,160
Speaker 8: like they have things.

633
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:28,280
Speaker 5: No, it's more like can you not. Oh it's it's

634
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:31,080
Speaker 5: it varies. I mean it can go from like appeerence

635
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:33,240
Speaker 5: down to how you're delivering a line. God only knows,

636
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:35,720
Speaker 5: but it gets to a point where you have to say,

637
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:38,040
Speaker 5: I'm not no, stop, like I'm not doing it, and

638
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:40,280
Speaker 5: what you're not doing it? It's like, I'm not doing it.

639
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:42,119
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm not trying great at that.

640
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 2: That's good.

641
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:44,080
Speaker 6: She's always good at the nose.

642
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:44,920
Speaker 2: That's nice.

643
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 5: I've been. Yeah, it's been like a lifelong like since

644
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 5: we've known each other for what like twenties, a long time,

645
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:52,160
Speaker 5: and I've been trying to teach other word no from

646
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:52,800
Speaker 5: day one.

647
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can see. I can see that from reading

648
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,320
Speaker 2: your book, that you guys that you're good at no

649
00:27:57,480 --> 00:27:58,040
Speaker 2: and you're.

650
00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:01,160
Speaker 5: Not Yeah, like I know, is a complete sentence.

651
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:04,040
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I love it. I mean even I've had to

652
00:28:04,119 --> 00:28:05,959
Speaker 2: learn how to say no and people would be surprised

653
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:06,240
Speaker 2: to hear it.

654
00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:08,760
Speaker 6: I am surprised right now. Yeah you really?

655
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:11,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, because I want to. I want to I

656
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,160
Speaker 2: want to be generous with my time, and you get

657
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:16,480
Speaker 2: confused about what that means. You know what I mean,

658
00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:20,639
Speaker 2: Generosity with your time doesn't necessarily mean saying yes to everything.

659
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:24,080
Speaker 2: You can be generous and also say no. So that

660
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:27,600
Speaker 2: took a long time to understand because I yeah, And

661
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,359
Speaker 2: I wanted to be one of those people who you

662
00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:32,960
Speaker 2: could rely on to do anything like the out. I'll

663
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,240
Speaker 2: do that, don't worry, I'll deal with that.

664
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:36,639
Speaker 6: You know, you can handle it.

665
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:38,400
Speaker 2: I can handle it. And then you realize you're just

666
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:41,200
Speaker 2: subscribing to being in the boys club. And then you're like, wait, wait, wait,

667
00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:43,160
Speaker 2: I'm catering to men right now. I actually want to

668
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:45,560
Speaker 2: be catering to women less men. So it's like that.

669
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:47,479
Speaker 2: I had to go through that a little bit, uh

670
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 2: not a little bit, a lot, but I yeah, I

671
00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:53,400
Speaker 2: understood it, recognized it, and then fixed it. Was there

672
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:56,680
Speaker 2: like an episode to you that really was more meaningful

673
00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:58,120
Speaker 2: than any of the others.

674
00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:00,760
Speaker 5: An episode world, oh.

675
00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:02,600
Speaker 6: God, meaningful. I don't know.

676
00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:03,120
Speaker 5: I don't know.

677
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:06,920
Speaker 2: I found to you it was so long.

678
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 8: It was soap opera too, like let's not like over

679
00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:13,880
Speaker 8: you know, I mean, it was silly, and maybe the overall,

680
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:17,760
Speaker 8: maybe the overall series how to yeah, more meaning than

681
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:19,440
Speaker 8: each individual.

682
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:20,080
Speaker 2: Some of it.

683
00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:23,560
Speaker 8: I think it like broke down barriers. I think it

684
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:27,640
Speaker 8: opened eyes, like it showed people not just one character

685
00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:30,000
Speaker 8: like you always see like one lesbian or like one

686
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 8: lesbi or they die or they're coming out. It's always

687
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,200
Speaker 8: a coming out story, but this was like, no, we're

688
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:39,040
Speaker 8: like functioning women in the world. We have careers, we

689
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:41,800
Speaker 8: have friendships, we have relationships, like that's what it did

690
00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:44,800
Speaker 8: it and we like to yeah, and there's that, you know,

691
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:46,959
Speaker 8: and it's like, I don't know, it just was this

692
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 8: well rounded.

693
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:50,320
Speaker 5: It's hard to think. It's hard to think of one

694
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:51,840
Speaker 5: episode because my memories.

695
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:54,840
Speaker 2: No, I can understand that. It's so interesting when you

696
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:57,760
Speaker 2: look at especially in our industry, there are so many

697
00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:00,440
Speaker 2: women that become late in life lesbians. Yeah, are so

698
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:02,600
Speaker 2: many women who get divorced and they're like, I'm done

699
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:05,719
Speaker 2: with this, I'm done with men, and then they're lesbians.

700
00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:08,080
Speaker 2: And it's like it's almost I don't know, if it's

701
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:09,960
Speaker 2: a sign of the times that we live in where

702
00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 2: men have just outworn you know, they're welcome and everyone,

703
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:16,200
Speaker 2: all of their secrets have been exposed and we're just

704
00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:18,600
Speaker 2: done with it, or if this happens in every generation

705
00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:21,920
Speaker 2: you know, where they're where a woman is fifty or

706
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 2: forties and fifties and starts going, you know what, I

707
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 2: don't want to be with men anymore.

708
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:28,720
Speaker 6: Yeah, I don't have to. I have choices, like do.

709
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:31,360
Speaker 2: You think that happens during every generation, even I mean

710
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:32,240
Speaker 2: it's all come.

711
00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:35,480
Speaker 5: Around, It's always been around, but now there's gay people

712
00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:40,320
Speaker 5: are new. But there's less there's a less binary way

713
00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 5: of looking at everything. So, you know, I look at

714
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:45,360
Speaker 5: how teenagers look at themselves and they say I'm open

715
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:48,920
Speaker 5: to anything, and that's translating into people our age, and

716
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,640
Speaker 5: I think that's wonderful. So it's there's not so much fear,

717
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:53,560
Speaker 5: and it's just you can be whoever you are and

718
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:55,920
Speaker 5: you don't have to label it and who you love

719
00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:57,480
Speaker 5: is who you love And that sounds like a super

720
00:30:57,560 --> 00:31:01,400
Speaker 5: cheesy motto, but it's true. And I think the less

721
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:04,480
Speaker 5: labeling is I think helping people accept who they are more.

722
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:07,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, I decided. I was at a I got a

723
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:10,960
Speaker 2: mammogram the other day and they were asking like ethnicity,

724
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:13,440
Speaker 2: and I was like, I'm not answering these questions anymore.

725
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:16,880
Speaker 2: You know what, it's outdated. You have to update your forum.

726
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:20,400
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter if I'm married or not. It doesn't

727
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:23,560
Speaker 2: matter if I'm white or Asian or Caucasian or you know.

728
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:25,480
Speaker 1: I was at the doctor the other day, where are

729
00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:28,200
Speaker 1: these Yeah, there was a line that said, what is

730
00:31:28,240 --> 00:31:30,240
Speaker 1: the gender of the head of your.

731
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:38,880
Speaker 4: Household And I was like, what, like what what like?

732
00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:42,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, unnecessary, completely unnecessary.

733
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:45,760
Speaker 8: Kind of doctor a GP, just like I had an

734
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:46,280
Speaker 8: eye doctor.

735
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:47,880
Speaker 5: I went to an eye doctor and I was asked

736
00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:50,640
Speaker 5: something about my ethnicity, and I was like, what difference

737
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:53,520
Speaker 5: does it make? And I looked at him and he's like, sorry,

738
00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 5: it's on the form, and I was like why.

739
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:55,200
Speaker 6: Yeah.

740
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:58,560
Speaker 2: Don't you think that the political environment we're living in

741
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 2: is a direct reflection of the fact that most people

742
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:04,520
Speaker 2: are coming to terms, not most people, but the majority

743
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:08,320
Speaker 2: of educated people are coming to terms with the fact

744
00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:10,200
Speaker 2: that all of this is such a nonsense, All of

745
00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:13,280
Speaker 2: these labels are such nonsense. Like it is the death

746
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:16,880
Speaker 2: cough of white supremacy. I don't know if we'll experience

747
00:32:16,920 --> 00:32:20,000
Speaker 2: the end of it, but it's definitely the last stages

748
00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:21,640
Speaker 2: of it, and that could be another one hundred and

749
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:25,120
Speaker 2: fifty years. I don't know. But it's the old white

750
00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 2: man's reaction to women going no, no, no, we don't need labels. Yeah, boys,

751
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 2: we might like girls, we might like both, we might

752
00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:36,560
Speaker 2: like nothing like, you know, they're not willing to accept that.

753
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:39,360
Speaker 5: It certainly adds to the fear that they're no longer

754
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:39,920
Speaker 5: in power.

755
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:42,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, I got this great book, this friend, I'm going

756
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:44,239
Speaker 2: to do this when we do our book round up.

757
00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:46,480
Speaker 2: My friend, my makeup artists in New York, gave it

758
00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:49,120
Speaker 2: to me and she was going over all these women

759
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:51,960
Speaker 2: in history, you know, who've gone unnoticed, and all these painters,

760
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:54,440
Speaker 2: and that there was a period in the sixteen hundreds

761
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:58,640
Speaker 2: where there was this explosion of female talent, and by explosion,

762
00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:02,040
Speaker 2: there were like thirteen really well known painters in Paris

763
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:04,600
Speaker 2: during that period of time where all these painters were

764
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:06,719
Speaker 2: coming up, and there were thirteen of them, and they

765
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:09,200
Speaker 2: were in history books in the sixteen hundreds, and then

766
00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:12,680
Speaker 2: when you get past eighteen hundred, they're gone. There's complete

767
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:16,480
Speaker 2: erasure of them because men were so threatened by the

768
00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:19,320
Speaker 2: few that got in and the successes that they reached,

769
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:22,880
Speaker 2: which were beyond the reaches of the men, that they decided, Okay,

770
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:24,880
Speaker 2: we're going to take their work and claim it as

771
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:27,040
Speaker 2: our own. And women are no longer allowed to paint.

772
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:30,000
Speaker 8: Isn't that the same with Hollywood? Women directors they directed

773
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:31,520
Speaker 8: everything at the beginning of Hollywood.

774
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:32,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, right, that's true.

775
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:36,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so I mean that's not a new information.

776
00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 2: But it's nice to It's so funny how threatened they

777
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:43,400
Speaker 2: are by us, Yet we're not that threatened by them?

778
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:45,720
Speaker 5: Right, How women have been the animated them since the

779
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:46,880
Speaker 5: beginning of time? Right?

780
00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:49,920
Speaker 2: Why are you so threatened by us? Because we're not

781
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:53,720
Speaker 2: threatened by you. So we'll threaten you. Yeah, we'll threaten

782
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:58,120
Speaker 2: your bodies. We'll threaten, yes, your rights because yeah. So

783
00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:04,320
Speaker 2: it's nice to know this has been going on for No,

784
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:06,200
Speaker 2: we'll take a break and we'll be right back with

785
00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:07,880
Speaker 2: Lesha Haley and Kate Manigg.

786
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:10,839
Speaker 4: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, write into us at

787
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:14,279
Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. We'd love to

788
00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:17,120
Speaker 4: hear your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on,

789
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:20,600
Speaker 4: but this week we're specifically looking for questions about family issues.

790
00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:22,440
Speaker 1: If you have an issue with a family member, or

791
00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:22,880
Speaker 1: you need.

792
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:25,920
Speaker 4: Advice about a specific relationship issue, please write in at

793
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:32,000
Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com.

794
00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:35,920
Speaker 2: And we're back with Leisha Haley and Kate Manigg. Okay,

795
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:37,160
Speaker 2: what do we got today?

796
00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:37,960
Speaker 1: Many question?

797
00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:45,080
Speaker 5: So many? We did this on our podcast. Yes, awesome, st.

798
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:46,799
Speaker 1: Well, this first one is just a write in. We

799
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:47,800
Speaker 1: do have a couple of callers.

800
00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:49,520
Speaker 4: So we'll spend a little time with this one, but

801
00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:51,720
Speaker 4: then we'll move on to our callers. So this one

802
00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:54,760
Speaker 4: is from Lola. She's not joining us, she says, Dear Chelsea.

803
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:56,960
Speaker 4: I've been in a relationship with my partner, Bridget for

804
00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:59,280
Speaker 4: two and a half years, and her ex girlfriend, Samantha

805
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:02,600
Speaker 4: just never goes away. When we started dating, I knew

806
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:05,040
Speaker 4: things were complicated with her ex, but it was impossible

807
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:08,160
Speaker 4: to comprehend how the situation would impact me in the future.

808
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:10,440
Speaker 4: My partner, Bridget, was in a three and a half

809
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:14,040
Speaker 4: year relationship with Samantha, who is her sister's best friend

810
00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:14,680
Speaker 4: and coworker.

811
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:18,799
Speaker 5: Wait, I need such need this has gotten a little

812
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:19,279
Speaker 5: bit of a check.

813
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:25,280
Speaker 4: So the writer her partner, the ex is the partner's

814
00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:28,120
Speaker 4: sister's best friend slash coworker.

815
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:31,840
Speaker 5: The ex is the partner's.

816
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:31,919
Speaker 2: Sister's best friend.

817
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:34,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, so it's like if I'm if I'm the girlfriend,

818
00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:36,240
Speaker 4: it's my sister's best friend.

819
00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:38,280
Speaker 1: So like kind of around like in the family.

820
00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:39,480
Speaker 5: YEA.

821
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,400
Speaker 4: Samantha is also a single mom. This is the X

822
00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:44,440
Speaker 4: to a ten year old daughter. She was three to

823
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:46,719
Speaker 4: four years old when they started dating. My partner has

824
00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 4: a close relationship with her daughter, and this is something

825
00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:51,759
Speaker 4: I've always tried to support, as the child has nothing

826
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:53,800
Speaker 4: to do with me or their breakup.

827
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:54,120
Speaker 2: Or does it.

828
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:58,480
Speaker 4: FaceTime, and it's a little awkward for me. Though I

829
00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:01,200
Speaker 4: find her commitment to her ex's child admirable, I do

830
00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:03,880
Speaker 4: struggle with this, not because she's spending time with the child,

831
00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:07,240
Speaker 4: but because Samantha is still deeply in love with my partner.

832
00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:09,960
Speaker 4: At the beginning of our relationship, she would call, text

833
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 4: and FaceTime multiple times a week. I always found it

834
00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:14,839
Speaker 4: to be weird, but it started making me uncomfortable when

835
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:17,520
Speaker 4: she began to ask my partner to give her another chance,

836
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:20,560
Speaker 4: professing her feelings for her. Bridget ended up blocking her

837
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:22,880
Speaker 4: for over a year. I know this is immature of me,

838
00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:25,239
Speaker 4: but within the last year something told me to check

839
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:28,200
Speaker 4: out Samantha's social media and what I saw was bizarre,

840
00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:30,600
Speaker 4: and if I'm honest, I feel a little embarrassed for her.

841
00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:34,560
Speaker 4: She regularly makes tiktoks about my partner where she's professing

842
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:37,120
Speaker 4: her love for her, saying that she's her soulmate and

843
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:39,640
Speaker 4: that she'll do anything to get her back. Though I

844
00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:41,640
Speaker 4: find it sad and embarrassing that this thirty seven year

845
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:44,439
Speaker 4: old woman is consistently making tiktoks about a person who

846
00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:46,600
Speaker 4: broke up with her three years ago. I still find

847
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:49,840
Speaker 4: myself feeling insecure about this. When I express my concerns,

848
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:53,040
Speaker 4: my partner mostly validates my feelings but also brushes it off.

849
00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:55,120
Speaker 4: I want to find a way to be more secure

850
00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:57,719
Speaker 4: knowing that Samantha is always going to be around. Is

851
00:36:57,719 --> 00:36:59,560
Speaker 4: it possible for Bridget to have a relationship with this

852
00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:03,080
Speaker 4: child without having a close friendship with Samantha? And what

853
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:05,840
Speaker 4: if anything should I do about the social media obsession?

854
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:06,440
Speaker 5: Lola?

855
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:11,440
Speaker 8: Oh god, that is that's that's also very outside of

856
00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 8: gay too.

857
00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:14,440
Speaker 6: It's just, I mean, like, I know.

858
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:17,279
Speaker 2: I think this is all your problem, you guys, it

859
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,560
Speaker 2: is this is all about being gay.

860
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:25,000
Speaker 5: Like there's like codependency and toxicity and cross boundary crossing

861
00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:27,640
Speaker 5: and then it's a child involved. I mean, it's just

862
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:28,440
Speaker 5: it's a mess.

863
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:29,800
Speaker 2: But this is a mess.

864
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:31,080
Speaker 5: I'm sorry, No, just.

865
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:34,280
Speaker 8: That I was confused because I thought Bridget the partner

866
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:36,759
Speaker 8: blocked she did, had.

867
00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:38,799
Speaker 1: Blocked her, but then I think she unblocked her at

868
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:39,120
Speaker 1: some point.

869
00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:44,000
Speaker 5: Okay, but but but Lola right, the writer Lola had

870
00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:47,920
Speaker 5: not blocked her and fell into this awful habit of

871
00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:51,640
Speaker 5: tracking her on social media TikTok, is it TikTok whatever?

872
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:53,439
Speaker 5: So that's a problem that you just have to break

873
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:56,720
Speaker 5: that cycle. Just you can fall into that easily.

874
00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:01,799
Speaker 8: I think the issue lies definitely with Sam, right, you

875
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:04,200
Speaker 8: just have to know who Sam is and that Sam

876
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:08,920
Speaker 8: has some issues. But I think within the relationship they

877
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:11,880
Speaker 8: have to figure out, like what boundaries are, like going

878
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:14,080
Speaker 8: to be there because kid or no kid, and I

879
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:15,840
Speaker 8: don't have kids, I really can't speak to it. But

880
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:19,800
Speaker 8: like this woman seems a little unsafe.

881
00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:22,879
Speaker 2: Totally unsafe, and also this is an issue that her

882
00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:24,319
Speaker 2: partner needs to address with her.

883
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:25,319
Speaker 6: Yes, that's what I'm saying.

884
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:27,840
Speaker 2: And it should be also with relation to the child.

885
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:30,400
Speaker 2: Like if you want me to continue to be in

886
00:38:30,440 --> 00:38:32,960
Speaker 2: your child's life, which is what I want and my

887
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:36,120
Speaker 2: partner wants, you have to understand that I am in

888
00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:39,240
Speaker 2: another relationship and you have to act in a mature

889
00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:43,799
Speaker 2: way and respect that relationship. Yeah, the relationship that I'm in,

890
00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:48,600
Speaker 2: Like she has to honor that relationship. She's tiktoks together?

891
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:50,560
Speaker 2: What is she in? Eighth fucking grade?

892
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:53,040
Speaker 8: Like that's what I mean, that's what you're dealing with

893
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:53,680
Speaker 8: something different.

894
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:57,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, that's not the most stable adult. But I

895
00:38:57,719 --> 00:39:00,960
Speaker 2: honestly would would say, I'm not going to have a

896
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,000
Speaker 2: relationship with your child unless you can act in a

897
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:05,799
Speaker 2: more mature way about our relationship that is over.

898
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:08,920
Speaker 6: Can you do that, because it doesn't the child suffer.

899
00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:11,399
Speaker 2: The child does suffer. But it sounds like you have

900
00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:14,520
Speaker 2: to give or put something up there, like that's at

901
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:17,560
Speaker 2: stake because right now she's just getting everything she wants,

902
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:19,440
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, She's got her involvement with

903
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:22,640
Speaker 2: a child, she's used, probably using her child to remain

904
00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:26,879
Speaker 2: interacts as a life that's and so when does that end?

905
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:27,600
Speaker 2: You know what I mean?

906
00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:30,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, some serious boundaries need to be WHOA.

907
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:33,839
Speaker 4: So it sounds like this is a conversation Lola needs

908
00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:35,759
Speaker 4: to have with her partner and say like you got

909
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:38,480
Speaker 4: to put some ground rules here y yes, yeah.

910
00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:40,439
Speaker 6: I mean if I can do it together, they can

911
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:40,799
Speaker 6: go to her.

912
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:42,880
Speaker 5: But you need a teammate. Lola needs a teammate and

913
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:44,640
Speaker 5: bridget like there needs to.

914
00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:47,000
Speaker 8: Be you need to be I would go as a

915
00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:50,200
Speaker 8: unified friend. Yes, samily say this is what we need.

916
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:52,799
Speaker 5: You have to Yeah, strengthen numbers.

917
00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:55,000
Speaker 6: Well, also it's like we're together.

918
00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:57,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, so you have to Yeah, so a unified front

919
00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:00,759
Speaker 5: to the problem at hand. Absolutely, otherwise you're just you're

920
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:01,760
Speaker 5: screaming into nothing.

921
00:40:02,239 --> 00:40:04,040
Speaker 1: Is this a letter? Is this an email? What do

922
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 1: we think? I don't think it's a text.

923
00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:06,680
Speaker 5: Where do they live?

924
00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:08,600
Speaker 6: Where do they live?

925
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:10,719
Speaker 5: Where do they live in proximity to each other?

926
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:13,279
Speaker 6: I think they need to sit the person to person.

927
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:16,560
Speaker 5: This is a person to person. Yeah, in person, in

928
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:19,879
Speaker 5: public in a public setting, not at someone's house. What, yeah,

929
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:22,000
Speaker 5: don't come over and I don't want to go to yours.

930
00:40:22,239 --> 00:40:25,720
Speaker 5: Let's meet publicly. Check screaming or crying?

931
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:28,440
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. You want to temper the

932
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:32,040
Speaker 2: I mean I would say it's her responsibility because it's

933
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:35,400
Speaker 2: her ax and it's her relationship. But you guys are

934
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:37,319
Speaker 2: saying that they should do it together as a unit

935
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:40,719
Speaker 2: five front. I don't either way. It should definitely be

936
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:43,920
Speaker 2: in person, and it should be you know, these are

937
00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:46,040
Speaker 2: the new set of rules. Like either you can follow

938
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:49,359
Speaker 2: them and you can't be making tiktoks about me, Like

939
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:51,839
Speaker 2: that's that's a boundary crossing. Like you can't do that.

940
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:52,920
Speaker 1: Find some fresh are content.

941
00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:56,480
Speaker 2: It's delusional and it's sad and what does that say

942
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:58,320
Speaker 2: to your kid? Like your kid's going to see that

943
00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:01,080
Speaker 2: one day. People don't understand when you make those videos,

944
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:04,719
Speaker 2: they're there forever, like they're out there and then then

945
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:06,640
Speaker 2: every everyone's going to find everything.

946
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:07,000
Speaker 6: You know.

947
00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:08,480
Speaker 5: Do you have TikTok?

948
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:10,319
Speaker 2: I do have TikTok. I don't go on it. I

949
00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:11,960
Speaker 2: mean I have a social media team, Like I have

950
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:13,920
Speaker 2: enough addictions in my life, you know what I mean.

951
00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 2: I'm on Instagram. I'll go on Instagram, but I don't

952
00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:20,400
Speaker 2: on TikTok. It's like, no, I don't have the bandwidth

953
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:20,600
Speaker 2: for that.

954
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:22,839
Speaker 1: All right, well, Lola, let us know how it goes.

955
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 1: I know that's yeah. Well, our nex caller is l K.

956
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:31,239
Speaker 4: LK has actually called in before she called in on

957
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:34,359
Speaker 4: our Dylan mulvaney episode, which we recorded a long long

958
00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:38,719
Speaker 4: time ago. So LK says, Hi, Chelsey, it's me again, LK.

959
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:41,160
Speaker 4: I have yet another crush to pick your brain about.

960
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:43,560
Speaker 4: I'm over the hump of working through some stuff back

961
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:45,960
Speaker 4: in the spring, so feeling a little bit more feisty.

962
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:48,960
Speaker 4: I've been working on myself relentlessly while engaging and a

963
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:51,480
Speaker 4: slippery slope with an old flame who I care about.

964
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:54,120
Speaker 4: Progress is being made, but I'm still not ready for

965
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:58,239
Speaker 4: a committed relationship. Meanwhile, I've developed a crush on my hairdresser.

966
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:01,120
Speaker 4: Is this some gay right of passage I've dodged until now?

967
00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:04,000
Speaker 4: She's married to a man. Oof, but this gal is

968
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:06,839
Speaker 4: the poster child of closet and homos. I know it's

969
00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:09,360
Speaker 4: not my job to jumpstart her Lesie awakening, but on

970
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:11,719
Speaker 4: the other hand, that seems like it could be super.

971
00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:12,600
Speaker 1: Fun and gay.

972
00:42:12,719 --> 00:42:15,239
Speaker 4: The problem is she maintains she isn't gay while being

973
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:17,880
Speaker 4: really playful about how gay she presents to the world.

974
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:20,600
Speaker 4: I asked if my playfulness about it was offensive to her.

975
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:22,960
Speaker 4: She says, nope, You're just hurting your own feelings. She

976
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:24,920
Speaker 4: isn't wrong, but my gut tells me she's for the

977
00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:27,480
Speaker 4: girls deep down in her soul. Should I keep the

978
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:30,040
Speaker 4: playful flirting with hopes and prayers or just stick to

979
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:33,200
Speaker 4: my monthly haircut for a crush fix? Queerly confused?

980
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:37,520
Speaker 5: LKA, really simple? Can I just answer this? Oh?

981
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:39,680
Speaker 2: Go?

982
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:40,720
Speaker 1: Sorry?

983
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:44,359
Speaker 5: I have I have feelings on this for so high.

984
00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:54,080
Speaker 2: Hi Hello, Hello, Hi, y thank god? Okay. Kate has

985
00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:59,080
Speaker 2: some very strong feelings about this. Hi okay, Hello, this

986
00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:04,359
Speaker 2: Kate and Lisa Special a little bit of panic, right.

987
00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:07,440
Speaker 5: Don't gay panic, please please, But my word of advice is,

988
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:11,760
Speaker 5: don't waste your energy with your hairdresser. Why because it's

989
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:15,160
Speaker 5: it's just it's too much trouble for no very little payoff.

990
00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:19,440
Speaker 7: I'm avoidant as fuck, and I think I'm using these

991
00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:22,920
Speaker 7: crushes as a distraction from my real feelings.

992
00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:25,960
Speaker 1: You feel me, you said, there's somebody else that's like

993
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:28,440
Speaker 1: a long term person you have feelings for, right.

994
00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:32,759
Speaker 7: Yes, yes, yes, We've been on off again for at

995
00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:37,160
Speaker 7: least a couple of years now, and I keep, you know,

996
00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:40,200
Speaker 7: doing the whole avoidant running away thing.

997
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:43,600
Speaker 5: And why are you doing that?

998
00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:45,520
Speaker 2: Well, I don't know.

999
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:50,359
Speaker 6: I'm asking you, guys, well that situation. It's way better

1000
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:51,160
Speaker 6: than the hairdresser.

1001
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:51,480
Speaker 5: I know.

1002
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:55,759
Speaker 2: I'm a quick Okay, let's talk about what's going on now.

1003
00:43:56,040 --> 00:43:59,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, let's but what about the avoidant problem, the

1004
00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:01,799
Speaker 5: other one when you're on.

1005
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:05,200
Speaker 7: That In therapy, I have made some progress. We're seeing

1006
00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:09,880
Speaker 7: each other now. I'm trying to be very slow and deliberate,

1007
00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:13,439
Speaker 7: going to therapy weekly. Still, I do think I've made

1008
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 7: some progress, but I still have the tendencies of just

1009
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:19,319
Speaker 7: to engage in avoidant behaviors, you know, when things get

1010
00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:20,840
Speaker 7: a little too real A.

1011
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:23,799
Speaker 5: Bowl, Eh, that's what it is, is because you try

1012
00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:24,680
Speaker 5: to avoid conflict.

1013
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:30,520
Speaker 8: Yeah, no, no, intimacy, love, Yeah, okay, you know, like

1014
00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:31,440
Speaker 8: being vulnerable.

1015
00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:34,960
Speaker 7: Yeah, I'm an idiot.

1016
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:39,080
Speaker 5: You sound like you sound like Shane. Actually, we're gonna

1017
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:39,879
Speaker 5: get real about it.

1018
00:44:40,239 --> 00:44:43,799
Speaker 2: I mean you're an anagram, eid. I'm an antiagram aid.

1019
00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:48,160
Speaker 2: I used to have problems being vulnerable and being intimate too. Yeah,

1020
00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:50,200
Speaker 2: and therapy is exactly where you need to be for

1021
00:44:50,239 --> 00:44:55,040
Speaker 2: those issues. Yeah, you have to run listen, Like, I know,

1022
00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:58,240
Speaker 2: there's no fast forwarding these emotions. But like you recognize

1023
00:44:58,239 --> 00:45:00,920
Speaker 2: a pattern in your behavior, you're doing something about it.

1024
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:05,440
Speaker 2: And every time you have an instinct that is your pattern,

1025
00:45:05,960 --> 00:45:08,160
Speaker 2: you have to try to fight that. You have to

1026
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:10,720
Speaker 2: run towards what you're running away from in a sense

1027
00:45:11,239 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 2: advice and you to and you have to like practice

1028
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:17,480
Speaker 2: that on a daily basis, because it is totally possible

1029
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:21,359
Speaker 2: to create new habits. It is totally possible. I just

1030
00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:24,239
Speaker 2: got an email yesterday from Jane Fonda about something and

1031
00:45:24,239 --> 00:45:26,600
Speaker 2: she said, it's so we were talking about we were

1032
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:29,319
Speaker 2: talking about therapy, and she said it's it's like when

1033
00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:32,520
Speaker 2: you create new neural pathways, it's like you're changing the

1034
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:35,560
Speaker 2: temperature on a thermostat, because once you change it, it

1035
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:38,120
Speaker 2: doesn't change again until you go back and change it.

1036
00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:40,239
Speaker 2: And I thought that was such a great way to

1037
00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:43,200
Speaker 2: put it. And and that's and it's so true. Like

1038
00:45:43,640 --> 00:45:46,040
Speaker 2: doing the work of therapy is great, but you have

1039
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:48,239
Speaker 2: to supplement that with the work that you're doing on

1040
00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:50,800
Speaker 2: your own when you're out there in the real world.

1041
00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:53,399
Speaker 2: You have to practice running towards the things that make

1042
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:56,560
Speaker 2: you feel uncomfortable, that make you feel scared, because those

1043
00:45:56,600 --> 00:46:00,640
Speaker 2: are just feelings. That's a pattern of behavior, something that

1044
00:46:00,680 --> 00:46:02,600
Speaker 2: happened in your childhood. It could have been many things

1045
00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:05,160
Speaker 2: that happened in your childhood. But what you're saying is

1046
00:46:05,440 --> 00:46:10,120
Speaker 2: you want a relationship, right, she died.

1047
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:12,840
Speaker 8: I have to say, I think a lot of people

1048
00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:15,600
Speaker 8: don't even recognize her patterns to late in life.

1049
00:46:15,719 --> 00:46:17,840
Speaker 2: Yes, like they don't even she's saying she's avoidant, so

1050
00:46:17,880 --> 00:46:19,080
Speaker 2: she knows it. She knows it.

1051
00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:22,160
Speaker 6: But like the latter step, Oh my god, I think.

1052
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:25,479
Speaker 8: Half people are like asleep until you're like, oh, I've

1053
00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:28,239
Speaker 8: realized now I've been doing this, Like my whole life.

1054
00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:30,439
Speaker 2: And then as soon as it's like it's so it's

1055
00:46:30,480 --> 00:46:33,520
Speaker 2: so powerful to reckon, to be told or to understand

1056
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:35,640
Speaker 2: what your issue is so that you can go out

1057
00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:38,120
Speaker 2: there and combat it. Yeah, Like, oh, okay, I'm this

1058
00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:40,600
Speaker 2: type of person I might identify as this. I don't

1059
00:46:40,719 --> 00:46:42,719
Speaker 2: like this. I don't like it. I used to be like, Oh,

1060
00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 2: I don't like romance. I mean I really don't like

1061
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:47,440
Speaker 2: you know a lot of like kitchy shit, you know,

1062
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:50,600
Speaker 2: like Valentine's right. I don't like when people men send

1063
00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:53,000
Speaker 2: me flowers, Like, I'm just like save that. I'd rather

1064
00:46:53,040 --> 00:46:55,799
Speaker 2: get a nice note, right, get me a card, write

1065
00:46:55,800 --> 00:46:58,160
Speaker 2: me a nice text. I way more. I value that

1066
00:46:58,239 --> 00:47:00,480
Speaker 2: way more than anything you could ever buy me or

1067
00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:03,120
Speaker 2: any kind of cheesy acts of love. But that's not

1068
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:05,440
Speaker 2: a fear of intimacy. That's actually what I've learned is

1069
00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:09,520
Speaker 2: like my style, my love language, you know what I mean.

1070
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:12,680
Speaker 2: But I think once you identify what your issues are,

1071
00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:16,000
Speaker 2: like her fear of intimacy, that is so freeing to

1072
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:19,360
Speaker 2: know that, because that is the first and biggest step

1073
00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:20,680
Speaker 2: you get to correct exactly.

1074
00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:24,040
Speaker 8: Like maybe with this girl she's with, she's been this

1075
00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:26,320
Speaker 8: in this pattern of pushing herway pushing, and maybe she

1076
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:29,640
Speaker 8: just realized, like, in fact.

1077
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:31,399
Speaker 2: Did you get did we get to intimate for you?

1078
00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:33,160
Speaker 2: Did you drop the call on purpose?

1079
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:34,600
Speaker 4: Phone?

1080
00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:35,600
Speaker 2: Overheated?

1081
00:47:36,560 --> 00:47:41,360
Speaker 7: Luf's breaking my car in my own phone overheated?

1082
00:47:42,840 --> 00:47:47,359
Speaker 2: First of all of Alabama. Yeah, you need to get

1083
00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:51,520
Speaker 2: as far away from Alabama as you can. But we understand.

1084
00:47:51,600 --> 00:47:53,640
Speaker 2: Do you understand how powerful it is to know what

1085
00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:54,960
Speaker 2: your what your issue is?

1086
00:47:55,080 --> 00:47:55,239
Speaker 5: Right?

1087
00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:57,600
Speaker 2: You're you know that you have a fear of intimacy,

1088
00:47:57,800 --> 00:48:01,080
Speaker 2: you know you're avoidant. Those are superpower. Now you use

1089
00:48:01,120 --> 00:48:02,200
Speaker 2: those as superpowers.

1090
00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:03,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, because you're.

1091
00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:05,239
Speaker 2: Going to use that and go, look what I'm doing

1092
00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:07,840
Speaker 2: right now? This is me being avoided. Even if you

1093
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:10,920
Speaker 2: say it to your girlfriend and start calling her your girlfriend,

1094
00:48:11,040 --> 00:48:14,239
Speaker 2: that is your girlfriend, and you actively want to you

1095
00:48:14,320 --> 00:48:19,359
Speaker 2: want a relationship? Is that right? That's right? Is it?

1096
00:48:20,920 --> 00:48:23,360
Speaker 2: Can you tell me do you want a relationship?

1097
00:48:23,440 --> 00:48:23,680
Speaker 7: Yes?

1098
00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:24,360
Speaker 6: Great?

1099
00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:26,480
Speaker 2: Keep saying that out loud. I want to be in

1100
00:48:26,480 --> 00:48:29,080
Speaker 2: a relationship. I want to be in a relationship. I

1101
00:48:29,120 --> 00:48:31,239
Speaker 2: want to love someone and I want them to love me.

1102
00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:34,080
Speaker 2: Write that down every fucking morning, put it on your

1103
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:36,759
Speaker 2: mirror and say it to yourself and get comfortable with

1104
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:39,840
Speaker 2: saying that. It's great to say those things. It's great

1105
00:48:39,880 --> 00:48:41,719
Speaker 2: to say I want to be in love, I want

1106
00:48:41,719 --> 00:48:44,279
Speaker 2: to be loved, I want to love say it, just

1107
00:48:44,360 --> 00:48:45,640
Speaker 2: keep fucking saying it.

1108
00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:48,120
Speaker 8: And I love the practice of going towards what you're

1109
00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:50,840
Speaker 8: scared of. That's such a great Yeah. Yeah, it's like

1110
00:48:50,840 --> 00:48:52,000
Speaker 8: a hat's.

1111
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:54,720
Speaker 2: All this world waiting for you. There's a whole world

1112
00:48:55,080 --> 00:48:59,839
Speaker 2: waiting for you once you get over yourself. Yeah, yeah,

1113
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:03,000
Speaker 2: that's true. And I identifying your issues is I, I

1114
00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:05,840
Speaker 2: honestly would argue is probably like seventy five percent of

1115
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:08,799
Speaker 2: the grade of the work. Now you just have to

1116
00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:12,839
Speaker 2: work at maintaining that, because that's very, very honest. When

1117
00:49:12,840 --> 00:49:15,800
Speaker 2: you were gone asleep at the wheel, you were talking

1118
00:49:15,840 --> 00:49:18,560
Speaker 2: about you and.

1119
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:21,440
Speaker 6: Lisia was saying, you said it, and I was like, no,

1120
00:49:21,480 --> 00:49:23,440
Speaker 6: you said it, you said it, Who cares.

1121
00:49:24,960 --> 00:49:25,960
Speaker 2: It was something you said.

1122
00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:28,160
Speaker 5: But you were saying.

1123
00:49:29,400 --> 00:49:31,360
Speaker 6: That we don't realize our patterns.

1124
00:49:31,520 --> 00:49:34,560
Speaker 2: No, oh yeah, thank you, thank you. Most people don't

1125
00:49:34,560 --> 00:49:36,880
Speaker 2: even realize that they're avoidant or that they have a

1126
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:41,040
Speaker 2: fear of intimacy, so therefore I'm avoidant. Okay, great, So

1127
00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:42,920
Speaker 2: this is there's so much power in that. Use it

1128
00:49:42,960 --> 00:49:45,920
Speaker 2: as power instead of using it as a as a crutch.

1129
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:48,759
Speaker 8: Okay, And you can even flip what you're saying, like

1130
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:52,719
Speaker 8: you're an avoidant. Maybe you start saying I'm vulnerable.

1131
00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:56,520
Speaker 2: I'm going that's a good one, okay.

1132
00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:57,440
Speaker 6: Like change the script.

1133
00:49:58,040 --> 00:50:00,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, there is something like fun and distract about serial

1134
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:03,160
Speaker 4: crushes that like keep you from having to get into

1135
00:50:03,200 --> 00:50:03,880
Speaker 4: the hard work.

1136
00:50:03,680 --> 00:50:07,120
Speaker 5: Of her because they're always going to be unattainable.

1137
00:50:07,280 --> 00:50:09,319
Speaker 2: That's they're not.

1138
00:50:09,320 --> 00:50:12,880
Speaker 6: Going or straight be challenged.

1139
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:15,360
Speaker 5: Well, they're just not gonna. It's just not gonna happen.

1140
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:19,920
Speaker 5: It's just a fantasy. Yeah, exactly. You don't even want

1141
00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:22,040
Speaker 5: it to but it's a nice distraction, right.

1142
00:50:22,320 --> 00:50:24,960
Speaker 8: Also, she's straight, it sounds like, so that's like a

1143
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:29,080
Speaker 8: big and more importantly, she's also married, so it's not

1144
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:30,520
Speaker 8: just gonna.

1145
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:34,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, like that's the that's the third thing we brought up.

1146
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:39,000
Speaker 2: She's straight.

1147
00:50:39,040 --> 00:50:43,080
Speaker 7: And oh yeah, hey, Chelsea, I want to say something

1148
00:50:43,080 --> 00:50:45,880
Speaker 7: to you real quick. First of all, the book Signs

1149
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:50,200
Speaker 7: found me because of you. Oh yeah, impacted my life

1150
00:50:50,239 --> 00:50:53,279
Speaker 7: so much. So thank you for being so open and

1151
00:50:53,360 --> 00:50:55,560
Speaker 7: vulnerable with stuff like that, because I've got a lot

1152
00:50:55,560 --> 00:50:59,080
Speaker 7: of grief, a lot of help on the other side. Yes,

1153
00:50:59,520 --> 00:51:02,759
Speaker 7: that was amazing, So okay, thank you.

1154
00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:05,520
Speaker 2: And if you have a lot of grief and you

1155
00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:07,680
Speaker 2: have a lot of help on the other side, it's

1156
00:51:07,719 --> 00:51:11,799
Speaker 2: also important to be crying in front of people. You

1157
00:51:11,880 --> 00:51:15,200
Speaker 2: exercise that cry in front of this person, let yourself

1158
00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:18,319
Speaker 2: be vulnerable, practice that and get better at it. I

1159
00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:21,400
Speaker 2: used to not be able to cry in front of anybody, anybody.

1160
00:51:21,480 --> 00:51:23,799
Speaker 7: I can try in front of her, but she's one

1161
00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:25,759
Speaker 7: of the maybe the only person that I.

1162
00:51:25,680 --> 00:51:28,600
Speaker 2: Can just keep practicing it. You're going to get better

1163
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:30,080
Speaker 2: at crying in front of people. You're going to get

1164
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:32,879
Speaker 2: better at your vulnerability. It's a whole new world when

1165
00:51:32,880 --> 00:51:35,000
Speaker 2: you can do that. You're going to open up yourself

1166
00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:39,440
Speaker 2: to all these possibilities. Not everything has to be tightly

1167
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:43,320
Speaker 2: wrapped up, and you know you don't have to consoled something.

1168
00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:44,000
Speaker 5: You're going to.

1169
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:46,200
Speaker 2: Find all of these people that want to love you

1170
00:51:46,280 --> 00:51:48,200
Speaker 2: and love on you and be with you and be

1171
00:51:48,280 --> 00:51:51,640
Speaker 2: your support system when you are open and honest and vulnerable,

1172
00:51:51,880 --> 00:51:54,319
Speaker 2: and then you can do the same for others. It's

1173
00:51:54,360 --> 00:51:57,640
Speaker 2: like about spreading more love and more joyfulness to as

1174
00:51:57,680 --> 00:52:00,160
Speaker 2: many people as you can, especially in this fucking ar

1175
00:52:00,280 --> 00:52:02,680
Speaker 2: time that we're all living in. It's like you owe

1176
00:52:02,719 --> 00:52:05,200
Speaker 2: it to your you know, you owe it to your community,

1177
00:52:05,239 --> 00:52:10,520
Speaker 2: and you owe it to yourself. Yes, that's powerful stuff. Okay, good,

1178
00:52:10,600 --> 00:52:13,080
Speaker 2: well you listen to this podcast. Back, write down those

1179
00:52:13,080 --> 00:52:14,680
Speaker 2: things I told you to write down. I'm not joking.

1180
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:16,799
Speaker 2: Put them on your mirror and say them every morning.

1181
00:52:16,920 --> 00:52:19,719
Speaker 2: Say affirmations to yourself. You're somebody who needs to do that.

1182
00:52:20,440 --> 00:52:21,920
Speaker 2: And then I'm sure we'll hear back from you in

1183
00:52:21,920 --> 00:52:24,319
Speaker 2: another six months about a problem that you had months ago.

1184
00:52:26,520 --> 00:52:28,400
Speaker 7: Yeah, we're just gonna be like pin pals.

1185
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:32,680
Speaker 2: But like that's fine. I'm down. I'm down, I'm down. Perfect, Okay,

1186
00:52:32,760 --> 00:52:36,960
Speaker 2: have a great day. Okay, bye bye, thank you bye.

1187
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:39,520
Speaker 2: It's so funny, you know those people who are always

1188
00:52:39,600 --> 00:52:42,640
Speaker 2: laughing and upbeat and yeah, totally, she's like scot that

1189
00:52:42,719 --> 00:52:45,799
Speaker 2: whole vibe about her. Yeah, like yeah, everything's great, everything's great.

1190
00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:48,640
Speaker 2: And then you're like everything's not great, everything's good. Yeah. Yeah,

1191
00:52:48,680 --> 00:52:51,360
Speaker 2: it's hard to put it's hard to keep that going.

1192
00:52:51,760 --> 00:52:53,480
Speaker 2: You know that for very long?

1193
00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:54,160
Speaker 6: It breaks down.

1194
00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:54,959
Speaker 5: It breaks down.

1195
00:52:55,040 --> 00:52:57,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it broke down on me at around forty

1196
00:52:57,640 --> 00:53:00,000
Speaker 2: That's when I was like, it's exhausting.

1197
00:53:00,440 --> 00:53:02,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's it's it's just this mask.

1198
00:53:03,360 --> 00:53:04,760
Speaker 2: You hate headphones? Huh?

1199
00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:08,279
Speaker 5: That was just hurting my ears, you know, and like

1200
00:53:08,320 --> 00:53:11,640
Speaker 5: the stay now they heard right now? Yeah, And also

1201
00:53:11,640 --> 00:53:13,719
Speaker 5: there wasn't someone on the camera, so I just gave

1202
00:53:13,760 --> 00:53:14,640
Speaker 5: them my ears a break.

1203
00:53:14,760 --> 00:53:17,960
Speaker 2: Okay, we're going to take a break. Please tag me

1204
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:19,640
Speaker 2: for the special because I get so many tags about

1205
00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:21,840
Speaker 2: my books, but I'm not getting as many about my special,

1206
00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:23,279
Speaker 2: and my special is the newest thing out, so I

1207
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:25,840
Speaker 2: want to make sure all my ardent fans are watching

1208
00:53:25,880 --> 00:53:29,160
Speaker 2: it and tagging me, and I'll repost you. And yes,

1209
00:53:29,239 --> 00:53:36,560
Speaker 2: it's called the Feeling. You have questions and we're back

1210
00:53:37,600 --> 00:53:38,880
Speaker 2: from the break, you guys.

1211
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:41,160
Speaker 4: Okay, at least I'm hoping you don't have too many

1212
00:53:41,239 --> 00:53:44,279
Speaker 4: questions about this because we're hoping for advice. Yeah, but

1213
00:53:44,560 --> 00:53:47,680
Speaker 4: so Brittany, says dear Chelsea. I'm not sure how familiar

1214
00:53:47,680 --> 00:53:50,239
Speaker 4: you are with queer culture, but there's a common stereotype

1215
00:53:50,239 --> 00:53:53,040
Speaker 4: known as lesbian bed death. This term refers to the

1216
00:53:53,080 --> 00:53:57,560
Speaker 4: inevitable decline in sex amongst long term lesbian relationships. One

1217
00:53:57,600 --> 00:54:00,399
Speaker 4: factor at play is my now absence of libido, which

1218
00:54:00,400 --> 00:54:04,320
Speaker 4: is the direct result of antidepressants. We've tried scheduling sex

1219
00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:07,640
Speaker 4: without much success. Another factor that some may relate to

1220
00:54:07,800 --> 00:54:09,759
Speaker 4: is when you get comfortable in a relationship and it's

1221
00:54:09,800 --> 00:54:12,040
Speaker 4: easy to not keep up with physical appearance as you

1222
00:54:12,080 --> 00:54:14,680
Speaker 4: once did, which has led to a decrease in attraction

1223
00:54:14,800 --> 00:54:22,759
Speaker 4: for us. Any advice on how to deal with this, Brittany.

1224
00:54:20,360 --> 00:54:23,120
Speaker 8: I have a straight question because this is this is

1225
00:54:23,200 --> 00:54:26,120
Speaker 8: a I feel like it's a myth. I'm going to say,

1226
00:54:26,239 --> 00:54:28,520
Speaker 8: left me in bed death or it's been put on

1227
00:54:28,600 --> 00:54:31,359
Speaker 8: us and we have just put on us? Right, But

1228
00:54:31,400 --> 00:54:33,840
Speaker 8: doesn't that happen in straight relationships?

1229
00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:35,239
Speaker 1: Yes, we get emails all the time.

1230
00:54:35,960 --> 00:54:37,800
Speaker 5: Happen I think it happens.

1231
00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:41,000
Speaker 2: Have a name, but like I mean, it's I think, yeah,

1232
00:54:41,040 --> 00:54:43,120
Speaker 2: I mean, I've never heard the term bed death before.

1233
00:54:43,200 --> 00:54:44,680
Speaker 5: But what the straight people call it?

1234
00:54:44,960 --> 00:54:46,799
Speaker 2: They don't call it anything. They call it like, I'm

1235
00:54:46,840 --> 00:54:49,400
Speaker 2: fucking sick of you, you know, like it's hard to

1236
00:54:49,480 --> 00:54:53,840
Speaker 2: maintain a fucking hot sex life with I mean living

1237
00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:58,040
Speaker 2: together just I mean, there are couples that have healthy

1238
00:54:58,080 --> 00:55:01,560
Speaker 2: sex lives and most of those couple don't have children. A.

1239
00:55:01,880 --> 00:55:05,160
Speaker 2: That's one thing. B. You get sick of people. Like

1240
00:55:05,440 --> 00:55:07,920
Speaker 2: the reason why I love long distance relationships is because

1241
00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:09,719
Speaker 2: you know, it's something like you're not going to get

1242
00:55:09,760 --> 00:55:11,359
Speaker 2: sick of you and you're not going to annoy me

1243
00:55:11,560 --> 00:55:13,960
Speaker 2: five days, and if you are, that's a big problem.

1244
00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:17,440
Speaker 2: But like if I I like that sparing amount of

1245
00:55:17,480 --> 00:55:20,239
Speaker 2: time with someone, I know my personality and I would

1246
00:55:20,320 --> 00:55:22,799
Speaker 2: experience bad death within the first year. You know, you

1247
00:55:22,880 --> 00:55:26,000
Speaker 2: have to be really into somebody and you have to

1248
00:55:26,040 --> 00:55:29,400
Speaker 2: work hard at maintaining some sort of sex life that's

1249
00:55:29,480 --> 00:55:32,200
Speaker 2: like new and fun and original. And that's really hard

1250
00:55:32,239 --> 00:55:34,800
Speaker 2: to do, right because you usually set up a dynamic

1251
00:55:34,840 --> 00:55:37,279
Speaker 2: with somebody and then you have that dynamic and so

1252
00:55:37,320 --> 00:55:41,120
Speaker 2: you're not creating new sexual like shenanigans with someone you

1253
00:55:41,120 --> 00:55:43,440
Speaker 2: have to That feels false and it's also awkward.

1254
00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:49,239
Speaker 8: Well that the scheduling of sex. It makes me crazy.

1255
00:55:49,239 --> 00:55:51,680
Speaker 5: You know you have to schedule, know the scheduling where

1256
00:55:51,719 --> 00:55:54,640
Speaker 5: you say, okay on Tuesdays, this is going to be

1257
00:55:54,680 --> 00:55:55,040
Speaker 5: our time.

1258
00:55:55,160 --> 00:55:57,400
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, that gives me the creeps.

1259
00:55:57,200 --> 00:56:00,560
Speaker 5: Right by people, but people that is advised, though I

1260
00:56:00,600 --> 00:56:04,000
Speaker 5: know it's been very like people say, no, it actually works.

1261
00:56:04,040 --> 00:56:05,200
Speaker 5: I can't understand that.

1262
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:08,440
Speaker 2: But it also it's also helpful for people who are

1263
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:10,480
Speaker 2: in a dry spell just to get back into the

1264
00:56:10,520 --> 00:56:12,600
Speaker 2: act of having sex because It's like when you don't

1265
00:56:12,680 --> 00:56:15,080
Speaker 2: use your vagina, you start to go, well, I don't

1266
00:56:15,120 --> 00:56:17,920
Speaker 2: need sex. You know who cares. It's like women when

1267
00:56:17,920 --> 00:56:20,920
Speaker 2: they hit menopause are like, well, I'm not it hurts

1268
00:56:20,960 --> 00:56:22,319
Speaker 2: I can't have sex, and it's like, well, you have

1269
00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:25,080
Speaker 2: to use your vagina not to lose your vagina. And also,

1270
00:56:25,120 --> 00:56:27,880
Speaker 2: when you're with somebody for twenty years, most straight couples

1271
00:56:27,920 --> 00:56:30,360
Speaker 2: stop making out. You know, they're not kissing, they're not

1272
00:56:30,400 --> 00:56:33,400
Speaker 2: making out, they're having sex, but it's rudimentary. It's like,

1273
00:56:33,440 --> 00:56:34,000
Speaker 2: oh god, I.

1274
00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:35,399
Speaker 5: Have a scheduled sex thing too.

1275
00:56:35,520 --> 00:56:37,400
Speaker 2: Exactly. It's like, OK, coming, we want to meet me

1276
00:56:37,400 --> 00:56:38,879
Speaker 2: in the shower and we can get it done real quick.

1277
00:56:38,920 --> 00:56:41,080
Speaker 2: So it's like check, check, got it done. I have

1278
00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:43,239
Speaker 2: a lot of friends who talk like that, and a

1279
00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:44,960
Speaker 2: lot of friends when I say do you make out

1280
00:56:45,000 --> 00:56:47,080
Speaker 2: with your husband? I would say ninety percent of my

1281
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:49,440
Speaker 2: straight friends do not make out with their husbands. They

1282
00:56:49,480 --> 00:56:51,560
Speaker 2: would love to, but that ship has sailed.

1283
00:56:51,760 --> 00:56:54,640
Speaker 5: I've heard that making out actually is more powerful than

1284
00:56:54,680 --> 00:56:55,919
Speaker 5: like scheduling sex time.

1285
00:56:56,120 --> 00:56:57,880
Speaker 6: I would love to everything.

1286
00:56:58,000 --> 00:57:00,279
Speaker 5: Yeah, kissing is like the most intimate thing.

1287
00:57:00,480 --> 00:57:03,040
Speaker 6: It also gets you going right, Yes it does.

1288
00:57:03,160 --> 00:57:06,000
Speaker 5: But even if it doesn't get that far, it's still

1289
00:57:06,080 --> 00:57:11,160
Speaker 5: like represents a level of intimacy that that sex doesn't always.

1290
00:57:11,239 --> 00:57:15,120
Speaker 2: And there's like cuddling and like snuggling that goes along

1291
00:57:15,160 --> 00:57:17,240
Speaker 2: with kissing that goes a long way too. Like there

1292
00:57:17,320 --> 00:57:20,800
Speaker 2: is intimate that is intimate, that is intimacy as well.

1293
00:57:21,120 --> 00:57:22,920
Speaker 2: Sex can be non intimate, you know.

1294
00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:23,959
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true.

1295
00:57:24,760 --> 00:57:26,800
Speaker 5: Bad death. It's like the lesbian bed death thing. I

1296
00:57:26,840 --> 00:57:28,480
Speaker 5: think it gets put on us because you think of

1297
00:57:28,520 --> 00:57:32,160
Speaker 5: two women, and two women get together and they just

1298
00:57:32,320 --> 00:57:34,560
Speaker 5: want to like nuzzle in and stay at home and

1299
00:57:34,640 --> 00:57:37,479
Speaker 5: nurture and get a bunch of cats and never leave

1300
00:57:37,720 --> 00:57:40,600
Speaker 5: and order take out in order to take out exactly.

1301
00:57:40,680 --> 00:57:42,600
Speaker 5: And so I think that's how that stigma got put

1302
00:57:42,600 --> 00:57:43,439
Speaker 5: on on us.

1303
00:57:43,640 --> 00:57:48,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I feel like sex is awful, But scheduling

1304
00:57:48,360 --> 00:57:51,439
Speaker 4: a date night where you can actually reconnect with your

1305
00:57:51,560 --> 00:57:54,640
Speaker 4: partner and like go do something novel and.

1306
00:57:55,480 --> 00:57:57,840
Speaker 5: I like, I like it. I'm with you on the

1307
00:57:57,920 --> 00:57:59,720
Speaker 5: date night thing. Yeah, if you make a point to

1308
00:57:59,760 --> 00:58:01,720
Speaker 5: like go have dinner or go out and have drinks

1309
00:58:01,760 --> 00:58:02,440
Speaker 5: and get out of the.

1310
00:58:02,400 --> 00:58:06,640
Speaker 4: House, rekindle intimacy rather than just the sex part of it.

1311
00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:10,000
Speaker 4: I'll also say because of the antidepressant thing, like you

1312
00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:13,360
Speaker 4: don't necessarily know, like antidepressants are tricky to get it right.

1313
00:58:13,480 --> 00:58:16,160
Speaker 4: But if you're open to experimenting with some other stuff,

1314
00:58:16,200 --> 00:58:18,600
Speaker 4: like talk to your doctor because and say like, this

1315
00:58:18,640 --> 00:58:20,640
Speaker 4: is what I'm experiencing. I have no sex life because

1316
00:58:20,640 --> 00:58:22,720
Speaker 4: of this. What else can we try? So that might

1317
00:58:22,720 --> 00:58:23,520
Speaker 4: be something to do to.

1318
00:58:23,640 --> 00:58:28,760
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, on that very depressing note, I would like

1319
00:58:28,880 --> 00:58:31,360
Speaker 2: to say I am very happy that I am single

1320
00:58:32,800 --> 00:58:35,600
Speaker 2: and that the next person I have sex with is

1321
00:58:36,360 --> 00:58:42,000
Speaker 2: hopefully gonna be a lot of fun. Yeah. It's like,

1322
00:58:42,160 --> 00:58:45,240
Speaker 2: even when I'm breaking up with someone, I'm like, I

1323
00:58:45,280 --> 00:58:47,040
Speaker 2: can never be sad because I'm like, there's just a

1324
00:58:47,040 --> 00:58:48,480
Speaker 2: new adventure on my life, right.

1325
00:58:48,600 --> 00:58:48,800
Speaker 6: You know.

1326
00:58:48,840 --> 00:58:50,360
Speaker 5: That's a nice optimistic way of saying.

1327
00:58:50,920 --> 00:58:53,400
Speaker 2: And it's just but I that's how I feel. I'm

1328
00:58:53,400 --> 00:58:55,880
Speaker 2: always like, well that okay, that that would served its purpose.

1329
00:58:56,200 --> 00:58:57,919
Speaker 2: What what other candy is out there?

1330
00:58:58,080 --> 00:58:58,280
Speaker 8: You know?

1331
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:04,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, that doesn't really help the The grass is always greener.

1332
00:59:04,480 --> 00:59:06,360
Speaker 2: The book is called So Gay for You. It's written

1333
00:59:06,360 --> 00:59:09,480
Speaker 2: by Alicia Haley and Kate Manigg And I think I

1334
00:59:09,480 --> 00:59:11,520
Speaker 2: said it better the first time, But you know that's

1335
00:59:11,560 --> 00:59:14,840
Speaker 2: your fault for having that last name. It's a great

1336
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:19,440
Speaker 2: book and these ladies wrote it together, which is so cute.

1337
00:59:19,560 --> 00:59:20,360
Speaker 6: Thanks.

1338
00:59:19,960 --> 00:59:26,520
Speaker 9: Thanks, how gay, So get yourself a copy and tune

1339
00:59:26,560 --> 00:59:28,960
Speaker 9: in and you can follow them both on Instagram and

1340
00:59:29,120 --> 00:59:30,600
Speaker 9: are on TikTok and they follow in love.

1341
00:59:31,040 --> 00:59:33,240
Speaker 5: No, not TikTok.

1342
00:59:33,640 --> 00:59:35,120
Speaker 2: That's what it will be the name of the episode.

1343
00:59:35,200 --> 00:59:39,040
Speaker 2: Not on talk. I can't see this on TikTok. Thank

1344
00:59:39,080 --> 00:59:43,800
Speaker 2: you ladies for coming in today, Thank you for having us. Yeah, Okay,

1345
00:59:43,920 --> 00:59:46,720
Speaker 2: my remaining dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates for

1346
00:59:46,760 --> 00:59:52,800
Speaker 2: this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in

1347
00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:57,240
Speaker 2: Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July fifth.

1348
00:59:57,240 --> 01:00:00,000
Speaker 2: We will be the next date that I'm there, July fifth,

1349
01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:05,120
Speaker 2: August thirtieth, and then November one and twenty ninth. November

1350
01:00:05,160 --> 01:00:08,560
Speaker 2: first and November twenty ninth, I will be in Las

1351
01:00:08,640 --> 01:00:12,520
Speaker 2: Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.

1352
01:00:12,720 --> 01:00:15,480
Speaker 2: It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,

1353
01:00:16,040 --> 01:00:16,440
Speaker 2: thank you.

1354
01:00:17,320 --> 01:00:19,880
Speaker 4: Do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into Dear Chelsea

1355
01:00:19,960 --> 01:00:23,560
Speaker 4: podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of

1356
01:00:23,600 --> 01:00:26,760
Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod.

1357
01:00:27,320 --> 01:00:31,160
Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive

1358
01:00:31,200 --> 01:00:33,720
Speaker 4: producer Catherine Law and be sure to check out our

1359
01:00:33,720 --> 01:00:37,440
Speaker 4: merch at Chelseahandler dot com