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Speaker 1: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.

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Speaker 2: I'm Erica and I'm Miila, and it is week two

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Speaker 2: of masturbation May.

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Speaker 3: I don't know why I wanted to do that. Ooh,

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Speaker 3: me so horny, Me so horny. I don't know why that.

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Speaker 3: That's just what I felt like should drop.

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Speaker 1: But you know, DJ dropped the guns in the two.

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Speaker 3: How are you doing a masturbation, May, my dear thriving?

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Speaker 1: Masturbating thriving?

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Speaker 3: How is your mother's day? Mother's Day was?

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Speaker 1: It was good. I didn't really relax much, but I went.

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Speaker 2: To breakfast, I took my daughter to the park, came

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Speaker 2: back to but I wanted to relax and she said,

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Speaker 2: cannot Can I watch her on the trampoline? I said,

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Speaker 2: I want to relax, and she said, you can relax

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Speaker 2: outside while you watch me on the trampoline. And then

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Speaker 2: I was like, that's actually true. Fine, So I did that,

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Speaker 2: let my titties hang out, got us tan. Then went

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Speaker 2: into the room attempted to read. She kept interrupting me.

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Speaker 2: Then she finally like, was quiet for a while, and

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Speaker 2: I was like, I should be masturbating on another's day,

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Speaker 2: And so I actually used this the satisfier that our

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Speaker 2: girl's sexual essential scent over to us.

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Speaker 1: I will give it a four star rating out of five.

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Speaker 2: Okay, okay, could be a little stronger, you know, I

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Speaker 2: like my like jackhammer your patoral vibrators.

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Speaker 4: If you're reachina losing sensation over there, cheese, it's highs

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Speaker 4: high levels of vibration sensation.

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Speaker 1: No, it's it's Sathagina's just fine. It's great.

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Speaker 5: I tried it.

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Speaker 3: I didn't even go to the highest level.

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Speaker 1: Are you serious?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: It was too intense.

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Speaker 2: Yeah it is intense, but you know I love an

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Speaker 2: intense orgasm.

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Speaker 1: So and so I did that.

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Speaker 2: But honestly, I was stressed the whole time because I

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Speaker 2: felt like she was going to walk in at any moment. Plus,

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Speaker 2: I was listening to Dipsy, like the app on my phone.

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Speaker 2: I had it like on my shoulder like this, and

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Speaker 2: like I was listening to. Actually, it's this story called

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Speaker 2: five years. If you guys have gypsy and make sure you

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Speaker 2: will listen to the five years story. I only listened

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Speaker 2: to black voices on Dipsy. I didn't even know you

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Speaker 2: could make that selection, which is a one, because I

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Speaker 2: only want to hear like black men and women fucking

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Speaker 2: so it was great. And so I listened to that

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Speaker 2: for a little while, kept muting it every time I

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Speaker 2: heard IRI like walk to the bathroom.

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Speaker 1: And then eventually, you know, I got it out.

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Speaker 2: But that's what happened on Another's day.

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Speaker 1: Oh and then I went to dinner with my family.

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Speaker 1: It's beautiful.

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Speaker 4: I I just I didn't. Even though I had great

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Speaker 4: guilt about this, I decided that I didn't want to do.

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Speaker 1: With my kid on Mother's Day.

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Speaker 4: And I initially planned on like we're gonna I'm gonna

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Speaker 4: make dinner. I'm gonna make dinner, but like by the

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Speaker 4: time it was that time, I was like, I don't

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Speaker 4: want to.

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Speaker 5: I actually don't.

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Speaker 4: Want to be bothered at all. I don't want to

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Speaker 4: do a lot of things. I just wanted to lay here,

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Speaker 4: and I did. I ended up going to the Roosevelt

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Speaker 4: and laying by the pool and drinking moment and I

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Speaker 4: was just like I saw and there's and then I

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Speaker 4: got mad because there's always other families there with their

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Speaker 4: fucking kids, and.

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Speaker 3: I was like, you're ruining my dog with those kids

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Speaker 3: away from me.

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Speaker 4: And then I was like, damn, I'm gonna my bad

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Speaker 4: mom because all these moms are with their kids, and

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Speaker 4: I left mine at home and then but you know, ultimately,

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Speaker 4: you know, my cousin told me, she's like, bitch, you've.

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Speaker 5: Been in home with your kid for a year. You

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Speaker 5: need a break. Everybody needs a break.

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Speaker 3: I've been in the house with my kid for a

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Speaker 3: fucking year. This is crazy. I was like, Oh, my god,

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Speaker 3: is that why I'm irritated?

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Speaker 4: Is that why I'm extra irritable this year because I've

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Speaker 4: been in the house with you for a year being

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Speaker 4: a school teacher.

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Speaker 5: That I'm not.

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Speaker 1: Yes, that is why you want to get one month

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Speaker 1: of actual school.

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Speaker 5: And that right right?

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Speaker 1: So it was nice. I I got really good gifts.

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Speaker 4: Viola sent us like the most amazing Mother's Day gifting.

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Speaker 4: I got pre rolls, I got a fifty minute massage.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, I love Viola, thank you for.

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Speaker 5: Being my man.

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Speaker 3: So I had a good Mother's Day and a good weekend.

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Speaker 1: So I'm in good spirits, feel recharged. I do.

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Speaker 6: Well.

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Speaker 1: Shall we pull a card and see what's in the

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Speaker 1: cards for us?

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Speaker 3: Sure?

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Speaker 1: This week?

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Speaker 3: Let's do it, honey. Today's cards card is the tower?

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Speaker 1: Wait the Tower for.

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Speaker 4: Love and relationship situations. The keyword to remember for this

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Speaker 4: Tarot card is explode, explosion in the mind, a quick

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Speaker 4: change taking place in his or her mind. Obviously, the

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Speaker 4: tower marks the conclusion of an important relationship. This ending

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Speaker 4: will be unexpected.

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Speaker 1: Huh interesting. I have no idea what that means.

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Speaker 6: I know.

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Speaker 1: For once, I'm speechless.

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Speaker 2: I have no relationships that well, absolutely can't be us

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Speaker 2: because that's never happened.

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Speaker 1: It's never happening. She's shy.

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Speaker 4: Another No, let's just want to be all right. Maybe

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Speaker 4: that resonates with somebody at home. Maybe there's a relationship

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Speaker 4: not to explode and end that needs to end.

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Speaker 1: So congratulations amen.

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Speaker 2: Anyway, I'm really excited you guys because we have our

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Speaker 2: first guest of the month today. We are joined by

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Speaker 2: Michelle Hope, sexpert activist, overall just badass sexy woman.

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Speaker 1: Hello, welcome to the show.

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Speaker 6: Hey you for having me.

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Speaker 2: I Hope, I introed you well. I forgot to ask

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Speaker 2: you all the titles that you like. You don't know

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Speaker 2: if you want to be like, No, what does Mandy

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Speaker 2: call herself?

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Speaker 3: Mandy called herself?

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Speaker 7: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: The stallion, Oh yeah.

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Speaker 4: Peg, the stallions all types of Orlando is a big dick,

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Speaker 4: bad bitch, do you have.

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Speaker 1: Any No, okay, just Michelle hoped.

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Speaker 6: Keep it simple, always keep it simple, the best way

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Speaker 6: to go.

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Speaker 1: How are you?

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Speaker 8: I mean, I'm good. I'm so happy to be here.

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Speaker 8: Thank you for inviting me. Yeah, have a conversation of awesomeness.

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Speaker 4: Absolutely, We're excited to have you and pick your brain

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Speaker 4: and ask you all the questions ask away.

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Speaker 2: My first question is as a sexpert, sexologist, sexpert. I

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Speaker 2: think I was telling Jamila this earlier today. I was like,

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Speaker 2: I wonder if Michelle just has like level ten sex

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Speaker 2: all the time, Like I feel like I feel like

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Speaker 2: the same thing with like therapists. People think that like

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Speaker 2: therapists like don't have problem.

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna say I was gonna say, I actually there was

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Speaker 4: the most problem.

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Speaker 7: Yeah.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, I think that's a misconception. Like, you know, I'm

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Speaker 8: not swinging from chandeliers. I'm not now am I willing

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Speaker 8: to try things?

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Speaker 6: You know?

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Speaker 8: I could consider myself a try sexual. I'll try anything once,

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Speaker 8: But uh, that doesn't mean that my sex life is

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Speaker 8: always like that. It's really interesting because as I've deepened

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Speaker 8: my practice in this space and taught and traveled and

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Speaker 8: lectured around all these topics on.

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Speaker 6: Anything from rape.

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Speaker 8: Culture to kink play to you know, whatever the case

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Speaker 8: may be healthy relationships.

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Speaker 6: My views on my own personal sex life have changed.

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Speaker 8: I also tend to tell people, listen, this little red

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Speaker 8: corvette baby, it got miles, but these level seats is

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Speaker 8: still solved.

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Speaker 1: Okay, soft of them.

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Speaker 8: So, I mean, I've had a lot of fun, I've

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Speaker 8: had a lot of wild things. I've done a lot,

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Speaker 8: and now it's it kind of boils down to do

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Speaker 8: I want to put that much effort into it or

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Speaker 8: do I want to grab my vibrator, rub one out

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Speaker 8: and go to sleep.

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Speaker 4: Oh that's a good question. That's a damn good question

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Speaker 4: that I ask myself every day.

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Speaker 6: And I'm an excellent masturbator.

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Speaker 8: I'm the master of masturbating for my sale, right, and

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Speaker 8: it is masturbation may so it's you know, I think

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Speaker 8: masturbation is so important. And for me, the idea of

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Speaker 8: great sex is really rooted in sex with yourself. I'm

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Speaker 8: a firm believer that, you know, the first relationship starts

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Speaker 8: with self, and if that's fucked up, all of them

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Speaker 8: are going to be off. So your relationship with yourself

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Speaker 8: sexually is really really important. Not to say you can't

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Speaker 8: have good sex without masturbation. I just tend to wonder

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Speaker 8: if you're getting all the deep levels of great sex

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Speaker 8: if you don't know how to please yourself, Like how

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Speaker 8: do you tell somebody how to please you if you

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Speaker 8: yourself aren't sure what you like.

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Speaker 6: So that's kind of my perspective.

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Speaker 4: I've never heard her put it that way, like you

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Speaker 4: have to it's the same as your relationship with yourself.

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Speaker 4: If you don't know yourself, then how are you going

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Speaker 4: to ever, like just on a without sex level, have

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Speaker 4: friendship and relationships if you're unaware of who you are.

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Speaker 4: So that makes sense that if you can't please yourself,

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Speaker 4: that it would be more difficult to have a more successful,

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Speaker 4: pleasurable relationship with somebody else.

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Speaker 2: So I'm seeing someone right now that doesn't masturbate, and

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Speaker 2: it's so strange to me because I'm such a masturbator.

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Speaker 2: And I actually had a discussion with him yesterday or

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Speaker 2: this was it this morning or yesterday about it, and

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Speaker 2: I was like trying to like understand, like why he

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Speaker 2: doesn't like to masturbate, And I said, what happened?

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Speaker 1: He's like, I don't know. I was like fourteen.

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Speaker 2: It was the first time I really masturbated and then

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Speaker 2: I looked at myself in the mirror doing it and

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Speaker 2: I felt like a creep.

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Speaker 1: He was like, he said, it felt creepy. It feels

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Speaker 1: creepy to me, and I was like creepy.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, to please yourself and he's like, I just

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Speaker 2: prefer someone else to do it. And I was like,

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Speaker 2: but you don't understand how problematic that sounds. Just like that,

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Speaker 2: you can't you just refuse, refuse because he's also doing this.

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Speaker 2: So I'm on a dick tooks and he's doing it

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Speaker 2: with me. But I'm like, I'm masturbating. He's like I'm not.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, you're gonna be stressed out. I'm like, don't

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Speaker 2: you need to get it out? And he was like, no,

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Speaker 2: I'm good, I'm good.

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Speaker 3: I was like, is he from like a religious background

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Speaker 3: of anything.

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Speaker 6: No.

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Speaker 3: No.

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Speaker 8: That's really interesting to me because usually when people are like,

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Speaker 8: oh I felt creeped out, there's a shame associated with that,

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Speaker 8: and there is a possibility. Now I don't know this person,

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Speaker 8: and there is a possibility, like babies tend to masturbate

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Speaker 8: quite a bit as a form of a body exploration,

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Speaker 8: so there may have been a time when he was

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Speaker 8: much much younger. Right, they're not masturbating for orgasm, They're

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Speaker 8: just masturbating because huh me, touching these places says feels

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Speaker 8: really good.

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Speaker 6: And you know, I've worked with.

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Speaker 8: Parents in teaching them like how to understand what healthy

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Speaker 8: sexual development looks like across the lifespan, and oftentimes I

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Speaker 8: come in contact with parents who chastise their children when

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Speaker 8: they're young and masturbating. So perhaps somewhere, very very early

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Speaker 8: in life he was reprimanded in a way that identified

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Speaker 8: masturbation as something being dirty, right, or being bad, And

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Speaker 8: then somewhere in the subconscious that's still living. So when

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Speaker 8: he did get to the place of maturation or puberty

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Speaker 8: and did that, it triggered something. Now it doesn't mean

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Speaker 8: that you'll remember what that is, but those feelings of

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Speaker 8: oh my gosh, this is a bad thing can come up.

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Speaker 8: So I immediately when you said that, I thought there's

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Speaker 8: definitely something tied to shame there.

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Speaker 6: Now my other thing with the whole I don't masturbate.

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Speaker 8: I don't do self pleasure, especially as a cisgendered, heteronormative man,

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Speaker 8: a bit patriarchal, a little bit uh as if a

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Speaker 8: woman is the catalyst to pleasure, a catalyst to your orgasm,

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Speaker 8: as if we are here on this earth to serve

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Speaker 8: you and your orgasm, like I'm gonna need you to.

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Speaker 8: We got to deconstruct this patriarchy because that is what

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Speaker 8: continues to oppress women. And if you really look at patriarchy,

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Speaker 8: it's deeply rooted in white supremacy. Now, I'm not saying

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Speaker 8: any bad things about the person you're dating because.

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Speaker 2: You have drama and also fuck you.

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Speaker 8: But the thing is is, like, that's how our society

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Speaker 8: normalizes sexuality for men, especially men of color.

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Speaker 6: Right that it is? It is. You are a sexual beast.

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Speaker 8: You know all the things, and it's like a lot

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Speaker 8: of men don't know all the things. They don't know

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Speaker 8: what they're doing. They're watching porn and they're saying, ooh

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Speaker 8: this work. I saw this in a porn It'll work.

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Speaker 8: It's like, listen, brother, every motherfucking bova is different. So

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Speaker 8: you can't be using old dog tricks on this new

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Speaker 8: this new Betty right here. So I think it's really

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Speaker 8: important to start to really have conversations about sex and sexuality.

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Speaker 8: And I love that you and your partner are having

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Speaker 8: conversations and that's like the healthiest thing to get to

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Speaker 8: really great sex.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's something I was I tried to dig into

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Speaker 2: a little bit more during this last conversation, but I

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Speaker 2: could tell he was just like, it's just this is

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Speaker 2: what it is, like that's it, Like, yeah, like this

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Speaker 2: is me.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, but is.

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Speaker 2: It you or are you just telling yourself that because

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Speaker 2: you'd refuse to actually ask the questions. And I like,

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Speaker 2: I just I know that there's there's and I'm not

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Speaker 2: put all his business on the streets and ship, but

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Speaker 2: there's these other things. And it's like I know, I'm

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Speaker 2: like and then I was like, is it my place

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Speaker 2: to really I felt almost like uncomfortable, but also it is,

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Speaker 2: well we're not not in sex at some point, it

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Speaker 2: might be my place to be like, sir, like this,

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Speaker 2: this could get in the way of our sex and like,

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Speaker 2: you know, the growth we have sexually, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I just I find it. You don't really usually find

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Speaker 1: a lot of men that don't masturbate.

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Speaker 5: You don't you don't.

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Speaker 1: And maybe that's a misconception, but that's what.

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Speaker 5: I feel the same.

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Speaker 4: I feel like it's more easy, more accessible for men

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Speaker 4: and masterbate because their dicks are just like.

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Speaker 8: Hey me, well yeah, and we and we glorify masturbation

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Speaker 8: of young men all the time, and we put men's

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Speaker 8: pleasure before we put women's pleasure.

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Speaker 6: And you know, yank and spank is something.

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Speaker 8: We've giggled about in elementary and high school and middle school,

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Speaker 8: and this idea that it's totally normal, but nobody talks

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Speaker 8: about female pleasure or masturbation at a young age.

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Speaker 6: I have to be honest with you.

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Speaker 8: I get really frustrated when I think about sex toys

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Speaker 8: only being for people over eighteen, right.

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Speaker 6: You know, I have worked with youth for a very.

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Speaker 8: Long time in helping young people understand what healthy sexuality

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Speaker 8: he is. And I'm like, can we just give them?

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Speaker 8: Can we give them a vibrator? Like, because it's the

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Speaker 8: idea not to expose them, But studies show that if

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Speaker 8: you educate a young person to the good, bad and

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Speaker 8: ugly of sex they are, they tend to be safer

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Speaker 8: when they choose, and they tend to wait a little

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Speaker 8: bit longer.

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Speaker 6: And are safer with their sex practices.

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Speaker 8: And my thing is, listen, I mean I had a

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Speaker 8: lot of I've worked with so many young people that

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Speaker 8: are like, I don't really think I like sex.

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Speaker 6: Well, honey, if it don't feel good, don't do it.

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Speaker 8: But so often we're told that losing your virginity is

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Speaker 8: a right of passage, or you're supposed to be doing

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Speaker 8: this if you're in a relationship, and it's like, if

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Speaker 8: it don't feel good, stap, And it goes back to

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Speaker 8: if you don't know how to masturbate, or we're not

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Speaker 8: teaching you that masturbation is healthy and normal, and okay,

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Speaker 8: how are you ever going to know?

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Speaker 6: And then that's how I end up with adult.

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Speaker 8: Clients that are like, I've never had an orgasm. You know,

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Speaker 8: a lot of young people and even adults, they don't

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Speaker 8: look at their volvas, And I'm like, what do you mean?

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Speaker 6: You don't look at You.

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Speaker 8: Don't look at your volva, you don't smell your vult

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Speaker 8: you don't smell your panties, you don't know, you're not

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Speaker 8: looking at the type of discharge because that changes throughout

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Speaker 8: your cycle. But you want to use a FDS spray

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Speaker 8: and you want a douche and to want to use

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Speaker 8: all the washes and stems to try to get y'all

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Speaker 8: pussy to smell like roses and peaches and strawberries, and

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Speaker 8: it's kind of like, that's not what a pussy smells like.

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Speaker 8: It's just not what it smells like.

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Speaker 6: You know, I don't. I don't go down. You don't.

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Speaker 8: You don't go down and give a blowjob to a

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Speaker 8: man and think it's gonna be pina colada flavored or bananas,

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Speaker 8: And nobody sets that expectation. But with women, it's like, oh,

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Speaker 8: if you don't smell like a basket full of free

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Speaker 8: shuts or a motherfucker tropical paradise, something wrong with you? No, no, wrong,

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Speaker 8: it's pussy.

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Speaker 4: Amen.

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Speaker 2: You know what I just did so within this this

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Speaker 2: dick toks that I'm doing with our community, I shared

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Speaker 2: something actually yesterday on Patreon about like just some tips

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Speaker 2: and tricks to like, you know, helping balance your pH balance.

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Speaker 2: But I also just shared that, like, this is such

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Speaker 2: a conversation that women I actually posted about today, that

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Speaker 2: we don't talk about, we whisper about it because we

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Speaker 2: have so much shame associated with what our vagina supposed

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Speaker 2: to look like, what it's supposed to smell like, and

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Speaker 2: and so we just suffer in silence essentially, and we're

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Speaker 2: putting all types of weird shit inside of our pussy

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Speaker 2: to make it smell, like you said, like a fucking

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Speaker 2: tropical paradise and fucking up our pH balance even more

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Speaker 2: because we're like, we don't know, we don't know what

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Speaker 2: what it's supposed to smell like. And the answer is

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Speaker 2: is that all pussy smell different.

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Speaker 8: Right now, there are some there are some sense that

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Speaker 8: you might be like, oh, for sure.

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Speaker 2: There are some sense where like maybe your pH is off,

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Speaker 2: you know, and maybe your diet is off.

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Speaker 4: But also like the conversations of like the scent of

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Speaker 4: the pussy and like how it looks, and just like

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Speaker 4: this perfect concept of what perfect pussy is like even

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Speaker 4: when we're off, even when something's off, because every woman

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Speaker 4: has had a time where like something's not right, you know,

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Speaker 4: like you're even afraid, like you're secretly talking to your

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Speaker 4: friend about it, or like and maybe not and maybe

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Speaker 4: not and you're just suffering in silence like I can

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Speaker 4: only It's just it's ridiculous, and there's just so many

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Speaker 4: conversations that have been so stigmatized. Even right now you're

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Speaker 4: talking about as we're talking about masturbation, and you're saying like, oh,

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00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:37,600
Speaker 4: babies masturbate like that in a sentence sounded weird to me,

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Speaker 4: and I.

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Speaker 5: Just took note of it because obviously it's not weird,

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Speaker 5: it's fucking natural and normal.

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Speaker 4: But the fact that it stuck out in my mind

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00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,840
Speaker 4: is that it's such proof that we don't discuss our

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Speaker 4: bodies and sex and sexual pleasure in a normal way,

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Speaker 4: and that forever fucks us up. Like I'm one of

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00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:58,199
Speaker 4: those people who don't masturbate a lot, and like I

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Speaker 4: think a lot of parents think, like, what is I

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Speaker 4: if I gifted my daughter a vibrator at sixteen, Like

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Speaker 4: would I be encouraging her to have sex and explore?

389
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,760
Speaker 4: But it's like no, not necessarily. We just have to

390
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:10,119
Speaker 4: have the comp Like it has to start in a

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Speaker 4: healthy way, because chances are you're going to discover how

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Speaker 4: your vagina feels and that it feels good, and if

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Speaker 4: you don't have a healthy relationship around that pleasure, you're

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Speaker 4: going to feel shame. Like I remember like masturbating as

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Speaker 4: a kid and then like immediately like having an orgasm

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00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,119
Speaker 4: or whatever that was at that time, and then like

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Speaker 4: feeling terrible like wow, that was I shouldn't do that,

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00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:35,400
Speaker 4: you know, And then like even this is so inappropriate

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Speaker 4: life now, Like I don't tell the rest of my business,

400
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,000
Speaker 4: but I remember being like.

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Speaker 5: Seven and discovering my mom's vibrator and like using it

402
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,359
Speaker 5: and then like I just churned it on.

403
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Speaker 4: I figured what it was for, and like it was

404
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:52,919
Speaker 4: with other shit that was clearly about sex, and like

405
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:54,320
Speaker 4: being very young.

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Speaker 5: Like seven eight and like waiting for it.

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Speaker 4: Like first of all, I don't know why I was

408
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,879
Speaker 4: being left at home alone at this young age, but

409
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:04,919
Speaker 4: like waiting for her to leave and checking to make

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Speaker 4: sure she left, and then like using it and like.

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Speaker 5: This all this weird, freaky shit. But it's such an

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00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:10,080
Speaker 5: interesting thing.

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Speaker 4: Because as as I'm an adult, I don't masturbate that much.

414
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,280
Speaker 4: I have to like kind of like force myself. And

415
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,919
Speaker 4: I have had like what I'm realizing now is some

416
00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:26,600
Speaker 4: like sexual abuse, but like from someone in my family

417
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,040
Speaker 4: that was a little bit older than me, and that

418
00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:32,479
Speaker 4: person had had been abused by someone old, like so

419
00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:34,760
Speaker 4: there was there was this trickle down of things, and

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Speaker 4: I don't blame that person or have any like hard feelings.

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00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,760
Speaker 4: In fact, for years, until recently, I didn't even feel

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00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:42,199
Speaker 4: like that was abuse. I felt like that's what like

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00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:47,040
Speaker 4: kids do. But it's just all these conversations that are

424
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:49,920
Speaker 4: not being had that trickle down into your adulthood, into

425
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:51,879
Speaker 4: your sex life and to your sexual pleasures and to

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Speaker 4: your relationships with other people. And so many of us

427
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:58,080
Speaker 4: are unwilling to explore that because it feels uncomfortable and

428
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Speaker 4: it feels like to have a conversation about your sexuality

429
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Speaker 4: as a child, and a lot of times that does

430
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Speaker 4: look different for different people. Is such a taboo conversation,

431
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,439
Speaker 4: especially now as moms. You know, I'm like, damn, am

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Speaker 4: I going to buy my child? Are we going to

433
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Speaker 4: talk about this when she's twelve?

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Speaker 8: You know?

435
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:16,080
Speaker 4: Like yeah, Like I don't whenever it comes up naturally,

436
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:19,520
Speaker 4: but it has to change or else you'll be thirty

437
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:22,840
Speaker 4: three year old me seeking pleasure in other people.

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Speaker 5: And maybe it's not even as good as I.

439
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,840
Speaker 8: Think it is, right, I mean a couple of things.

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Speaker 8: There's so much to unpack there. Thank you for sharing

441
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:34,040
Speaker 8: to You're not alone with your experience of sexual trauma.

442
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:37,760
Speaker 8: Most people have experienced some type of sexual trauma. Not

443
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:40,199
Speaker 8: all of it is physical. Some of it might be

444
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:43,320
Speaker 8: around shame, some of it might be around body dysmorphia.

445
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:47,240
Speaker 8: When going through puberty, developing too soon or developing too late.

446
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:51,679
Speaker 8: One thing I like to let parents know there is

447
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:54,080
Speaker 8: never too early of a time to start talking to

448
00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:55,879
Speaker 8: your child about sexuality.

449
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:59,760
Speaker 6: I didn't say the act of sex, I said sexuality. Right.

450
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:00,800
Speaker 6: We start to.

451
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:05,439
Speaker 8: Identify things about our unborn children around sexuality when we

452
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,000
Speaker 8: have these gender reveal parties.

453
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,560
Speaker 6: Right, we go ahead.

454
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,240
Speaker 8: And decide, oh, we want to put you in blue

455
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:12,879
Speaker 8: because we know you're a boy, or we want to

456
00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:16,000
Speaker 8: put you in pink. I often tell parents the best

457
00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 8: time to start conversations around sexuality is with body autonomy

458
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:23,240
Speaker 8: before they can speak. So when you're changing a diaper,

459
00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:27,400
Speaker 8: explaining Mama needs to wipe your behind now, or Mama

460
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:30,119
Speaker 8: needs to wipe your volva, or please don't call it

461
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,960
Speaker 8: a cookie, Please don't call it it's a volva, it's

462
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 8: a vagina. And then what you do is it's age appropriate, right, Like,

463
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:41,480
Speaker 8: if you catch your child touching themselves, you want to say,

464
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:43,960
Speaker 8: I know it feels good when you touch there, but

465
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:49,720
Speaker 8: please remember nobody should touch you there, and nobody If

466
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 8: somebody touches you there, you need to come and tell

467
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:55,639
Speaker 8: me you're not in trouble. I think there's that and

468
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:58,960
Speaker 8: then also, you know, between the ages of like five

469
00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:02,720
Speaker 8: and seven, explain that babies don't come from storks, they

470
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,600
Speaker 8: come from an egg and a sperm.

471
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:07,240
Speaker 6: And there are some really great books.

472
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:12,720
Speaker 8: Robbie Harris has great illustrated books that can talk you

473
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:15,080
Speaker 8: as a parent through all the things you need to

474
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:16,159
Speaker 8: let a child know.

475
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:17,760
Speaker 6: And the sooner you have.

476
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:21,639
Speaker 8: Those conversations, and the more you normalize those conversations, it

477
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:23,880
Speaker 8: becomes a lot easier when they hit puberty.

478
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:25,760
Speaker 6: I always tell people, please don't wait.

479
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:29,080
Speaker 8: Until puberty or wait until it's the right time, because

480
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:31,360
Speaker 8: the right time may never come up. And the next

481
00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:33,520
Speaker 8: thing you know, you're sitting in a planned parenthood or

482
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:35,640
Speaker 8: your child sitting in a plant parent trying to figure

483
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:40,760
Speaker 8: out what decisions to make because there wasn't necessarily the talk.

484
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:44,560
Speaker 8: So I encourage those conversations and it's not bad, it's

485
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:48,919
Speaker 8: just really you want to set the baselines for you know,

486
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:52,119
Speaker 8: you can come to me. I'm your trusted, knowledgeable adult.

487
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:54,240
Speaker 6: I'm the one that's going to listen.

488
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:58,119
Speaker 8: Sure, I might be pissed the first thirty forty maybe

489
00:23:58,119 --> 00:24:02,159
Speaker 8: even thirty forty minutes, right, but I'm your ace in

490
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,359
Speaker 8: the hole. I'm gonna be here for you. I'm gonna

491
00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:06,680
Speaker 8: help you figure this out. We can do this together.

492
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:11,640
Speaker 8: And then in regards to like the sexual trauma we experience,

493
00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:16,879
Speaker 8: I have for a long long time said that in

494
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:21,120
Speaker 8: communities of color, not only do we not discuss sexual

495
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:24,200
Speaker 8: assault when it comes to women, but what we what

496
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:28,440
Speaker 8: we just turn away from, is the sexual assault experienced

497
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:34,400
Speaker 8: by men, and we don't have these conversations and then

498
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:39,359
Speaker 8: hurt people, hurt people, and we don't allow them a

499
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:42,399
Speaker 8: space to heal, We don't allow Let me tell you something,

500
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:44,639
Speaker 8: I could be at a bar, I could be at

501
00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,360
Speaker 8: a happy hour and somebody will ask me what I do,

502
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:49,920
Speaker 8: and the really kind of assholes will be like, oh,

503
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:51,200
Speaker 8: how much fucking did you.

504
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:52,520
Speaker 6: Have to do to get this job?

505
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:54,960
Speaker 8: Or oh I'm gonnaddict digit you know what I'm saying,

506
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:58,760
Speaker 8: Like really misogynistic, crappy things, and then a few drinks

507
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 8: in they've been Yes.

508
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:07,239
Speaker 2: That has come up a lot for me lately with

509
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:10,199
Speaker 2: a few different men that I've just been talking to

510
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:14,160
Speaker 2: and them telling me that they were molested as children.

511
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 4: Same and a lot of them don't even consider it

512
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:19,119
Speaker 4: molestation because they're like, oh, I was you know, I

513
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 4: was thirteen.

514
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:23,879
Speaker 6: I was no, I was, no, you weren't. It's really strange.

515
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:27,880
Speaker 8: I worked at Rikers here in New York and I

516
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:32,680
Speaker 8: taught under eighteen in the maximum security space for young

517
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:33,560
Speaker 8: men under eighteen.

518
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:34,440
Speaker 6: It was called.

519
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:39,240
Speaker 8: Horizons at the time. Yeah, it was Horizons. And the

520
00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:42,399
Speaker 8: amount of young men that were in for really violent

521
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:45,879
Speaker 8: crimes and the number of them who had children, Like

522
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:52,080
Speaker 8: I had one young man who was seventeen and had

523
00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:55,400
Speaker 8: a or sixteen, just turned seventeen, had a three year

524
00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:58,439
Speaker 8: old and the baby mama was twenty two. I had

525
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:01,200
Speaker 8: another one who was seventeen and had a two year

526
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:02,960
Speaker 8: old and the baby mama was twenty eight.

527
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:08,440
Speaker 6: And in their mind, they didn't see that as assault.

528
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,480
Speaker 8: They just saw that as a coming of age, right

529
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:14,840
Speaker 8: of passage. But when you start to think about like

530
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:18,359
Speaker 8: some of the tendencies we see with people who have

531
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:22,960
Speaker 8: experienced sexual assault, and in women, we tend to see

532
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:27,399
Speaker 8: them self sabotage inward when they're when they are processing this,

533
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:32,439
Speaker 8: and for men it becomes an outward expression, right, And

534
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:37,199
Speaker 8: so I really encourage people to have conversations. But I

535
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:41,199
Speaker 8: also think that as women, we do a lot of damage, right, Like,

536
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:47,439
Speaker 8: not only do we slect shame other women. We marginalize

537
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:50,320
Speaker 8: men who whether they are like I don't really want

538
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:52,040
Speaker 8: to have sex with you. We then come out the

539
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:55,040
Speaker 8: side of our mouth talk about oh, use a gay.

540
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:56,640
Speaker 2: And it's like, no, use a gag.

541
00:26:58,119 --> 00:27:00,080
Speaker 8: I mean I've heard that, I definitely, oh girl, or

542
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:02,520
Speaker 8: he's a gay, and it's like is he a gay?

543
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:06,160
Speaker 5: Wow, I haven't heard that in a minute, or.

544
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:08,000
Speaker 6: Like, oh he didn't come on to me.

545
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:10,879
Speaker 8: He must be a little sweet, or you know, maybe

546
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:15,920
Speaker 8: he don't really like women, and it's like or maybe right,

547
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:19,200
Speaker 8: or maybe he's dealing with his own trauma and something

548
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:20,120
Speaker 8: that was said or.

549
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:22,680
Speaker 6: Something that came up. So I just get really annoyed.

550
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:28,120
Speaker 8: So I always encourage people to have conversations with you know,

551
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:31,400
Speaker 8: their friends, their peers. It's so interesting because I had

552
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:33,240
Speaker 8: a man stop me on the street because girl, you know,

553
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:36,000
Speaker 8: I'd be talking this shit anywhere I go, anywhere I go,

554
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:39,040
Speaker 8: and this individual had seen me a bunch at like

555
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,320
Speaker 8: a local watering hole I like to go to, and

556
00:27:41,359 --> 00:27:44,879
Speaker 8: I was always talking about you know, rape culture and

557
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:46,040
Speaker 8: sexualist and.

558
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:47,480
Speaker 6: He stopped me on the street one day and was like,

559
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:48,120
Speaker 6: I just want to.

560
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:52,399
Speaker 8: Say, keep having those conversations because I was with my

561
00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:55,919
Speaker 8: guy friends the other night telling him about you and

562
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,320
Speaker 8: what you do, and then he was like a group

563
00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:01,159
Speaker 8: of us over Kanyak and cigars had a really tough

564
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 8: conversation with each other about our behavior in college and

565
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:09,720
Speaker 8: what we thought was normal behavior in college was actually

566
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:11,399
Speaker 8: causing pain to other people.

567
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:12,760
Speaker 6: But nobody ever had.

568
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:16,000
Speaker 8: This conversation, and he said it was a hard conversation

569
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:16,760
Speaker 8: for us to have.

570
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:19,640
Speaker 6: But at this point in his life, he had children.

571
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:22,359
Speaker 8: A lot of his boys had children, and a lot

572
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,919
Speaker 8: of them had girls. They were like girl dads, So

573
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 8: they were kind of going back and thinking about, like,

574
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:30,880
Speaker 8: how do we stop this cycle? And the only way

575
00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:33,119
Speaker 8: we're going to stop the cycle is by continuing to

576
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:37,360
Speaker 8: have tough conversations and providing a space for not just men,

577
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 8: but men, women, gender non conforming people, a safe space

578
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:47,960
Speaker 8: to explore and heal and be heard and not feel

579
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 8: as though it's their fault or that there's guilt there.

580
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:57,800
Speaker 8: So absolutely, I mean I didn't need to derail into anything.

581
00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:55,880
Speaker 8: You know.

582
00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:01,720
Speaker 4: The thing about sex and sexuality is it is deep,

583
00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:04,200
Speaker 4: and it does if it's not healed and tended to,

584
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:08,120
Speaker 4: it will inevitably lead into other parts of your life.

585
00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:10,840
Speaker 5: And the truth is anything that you avoid.

586
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:13,520
Speaker 4: Anything that you like rest to the side because it's

587
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:15,560
Speaker 4: too difficult to talk about, is always going to like

588
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:18,600
Speaker 4: not do well if you don't tend to it to it.

589
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:24,720
Speaker 4: So I've been using the app you told me about Field,

590
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:26,320
Speaker 4: and I love it.

591
00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:29,080
Speaker 2: Field is amazing. I mean, it's the perfect place to

592
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:31,400
Speaker 2: explore all your kinks. I'm so glad you're using it.

593
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:33,760
Speaker 2: When I was using it, I was getting really into

594
00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:37,640
Speaker 2: the idea of male male female. I mean it was

595
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:40,120
Speaker 2: just like the options are endless over there.

596
00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:41,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, it does feel like all of the things you

597
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:44,880
Speaker 4: want to explore you can explore in a comfortable place.

598
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:48,920
Speaker 2: It is the world's biggest dating app for threesomes today,

599
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 2: so you're actually in the perfect place. I love that

600
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 2: the app is inclusive to all and no matter what gender orientation,

601
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:58,080
Speaker 2: and when you join, you can choose to identify as

602
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 2: over two hundred plus genders in steadf xualities.

603
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:04,440
Speaker 7: I'm actually in talks with someone right now via text,

604
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,480
Speaker 7: so I'm really excited to see what happens and if

605
00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:10,280
Speaker 7: my beautiful threesome comes to fruition, and I can't wait

606
00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:11,400
Speaker 7: to keep you guys updated.

607
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:14,640
Speaker 2: Oh yes, we need that update, and here's some great news.

608
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:17,680
Speaker 2: You can download the Field app for free and support

609
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610
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:24,000
Speaker 4: So download Field app now for free and support our

611
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:26,400
Speaker 4: show by using the link in this episode's description.

612
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:33,040
Speaker 2: Conversations about sex and some difficulties some of us may

613
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:34,920
Speaker 2: or may not have in the bedroom can be really

614
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:39,040
Speaker 2: awkward conversation. But I'm a true believer that a closed

615
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:40,720
Speaker 2: mouth don't get fed, and sometimes you just got to

616
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:41,200
Speaker 2: speak up.

617
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 4: I'm so happy that we're finally in a space so

618
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:46,240
Speaker 4: we could talk about sex more openly.

619
00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:47,680
Speaker 7: I mean, especially for men.

620
00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:51,120
Speaker 4: Erect oul dysfunction is such a hard conversation to have.

621
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:53,120
Speaker 7: But it doesn't have to be.

622
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623
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624
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626
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627
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628
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629
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630
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631
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643
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Speaker 5: Many men who have been molested, and like a.

644
00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:04,960
Speaker 4: Lot of times, even if you've been molested by another

645
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:08,400
Speaker 4: boy or another man, then that's completely completely don't talk

646
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:12,840
Speaker 4: to those. There's not even you don't even mention it,

647
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:15,560
Speaker 4: you don't even ask, you know, and and and and

648
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:20,080
Speaker 4: I know a man who experienced that at a young

649
00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:23,040
Speaker 4: age and for a long time, and like as an

650
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:25,800
Speaker 4: adult is not doing well, like ended up on drugs,

651
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 4: and like it's just if we could have these conversations,

652
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:34,240
Speaker 4: we could change so much in our community, you know,

653
00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:38,000
Speaker 4: and it's it's so it's so important, like you know,

654
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:40,240
Speaker 4: even even having this conversation and saying the ship I said,

655
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:43,200
Speaker 4: it's like there was a long time like as women,

656
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:47,280
Speaker 4: you've been molested, you've been raped, And then even the

657
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:51,080
Speaker 4: even to think of the word rape, it it.

658
00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:53,200
Speaker 5: Feels too harsh to say. It feels like.

659
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:55,600
Speaker 4: Too much of an accusation to put on someone, and

660
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:58,640
Speaker 4: so we we don't even admit it to ourselves, let

661
00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:01,280
Speaker 4: alone to the person because we're like, oh no, no, no,

662
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:03,360
Speaker 4: that's that's too heavy off a thing, Like it's fine,

663
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 4: I drank too much, I was over there late, Like

664
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:08,560
Speaker 4: it's cool, it's not a big deal. I'll be fine,

665
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:12,080
Speaker 4: and like and that's trauma in itself, you know, and

666
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:13,840
Speaker 4: I love because.

667
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:16,280
Speaker 8: You're carrying the burden, you know. But one thing I

668
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:20,640
Speaker 8: do want to say to this is change the language right.

669
00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:26,120
Speaker 8: Words are powerful for myself. I don't identify as a survivor.

670
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 8: I identify as a thriver. I while experiencing sexual assault

671
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:37,320
Speaker 8: is a horrible thing, I don't like the word survivor.

672
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:40,360
Speaker 6: It makes me think of like really waif, like white

673
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:40,880
Speaker 6: people on.

674
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:45,400
Speaker 8: An island with tea like, I'm like, ooh, it's so

675
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:50,800
Speaker 8: I really want to empower myself because healing is a

676
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:53,160
Speaker 8: journey and it's not like, oh, I'll get over that

677
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 8: it happened to so long ago. No, that's that's with

678
00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:59,800
Speaker 8: you forever. So you have to give yourself that space.

679
00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:04,240
Speaker 8: I always encourage people if they can, to shift the language.

680
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:07,440
Speaker 8: Not a survivor, you're a thriver. And what thriving looks

681
00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 8: like to me is really taking that experience and then saying, Okay,

682
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:13,040
Speaker 8: this is the field I want to go in, and

683
00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:14,960
Speaker 8: I want to empower other people that have had this

684
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:17,960
Speaker 8: experience to feel better and know they're not alone. But

685
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:20,640
Speaker 8: for somebody, that might just be getting up out of

686
00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:23,960
Speaker 8: bed and that could be your thriving, and that's enough, right.

687
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:27,120
Speaker 8: I'm not here to determine what thriving looks like to

688
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:27,760
Speaker 8: that person.

689
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:30,720
Speaker 6: I just want to say, you know, you're not alone.

690
00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 8: If you're still with us, you're if you're with yourself,

691
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:38,359
Speaker 8: you're thriving, and you can be thriving and you can

692
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:41,520
Speaker 8: continue to thrive and have a great sex life and

693
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:43,480
Speaker 8: have great relationships.

694
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:45,839
Speaker 6: But I do think that what you're saying about if

695
00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:47,040
Speaker 6: we had these conversations.

696
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:50,520
Speaker 8: We could heal so much in our communities because we

697
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:54,200
Speaker 8: just keep going round and round and round in this cycle.

698
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:59,239
Speaker 6: And I think that it really roots roots us sexuality.

699
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:01,799
Speaker 6: I have said this sexuality to me.

700
00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:07,160
Speaker 8: Some of the social areas that black and brown communities

701
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:11,319
Speaker 8: struggle with the most are deeply rooted in sexuality. Whether

702
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:15,720
Speaker 8: it's wage gaps because of gender norms, whether it's homophobia,

703
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:20,200
Speaker 8: whether it's domestic violence, intimate partner violence. Look at the

704
00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:24,919
Speaker 8: rates of homicide on black women in America. We ain't

705
00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:27,880
Speaker 8: out here gangbanging that hard people. We ain't out here,

706
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:32,000
Speaker 8: you know, throwing up all the things. So we know

707
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:37,399
Speaker 8: that there is connection to partner violence. And ugh, it's

708
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 8: a really great book, Brittany Cooper Eloquent Rage. It's incredibly powerful,

709
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:47,080
Speaker 8: and she speaks to a lot of these social issues

710
00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:50,520
Speaker 8: through the lens of her own lived experience, and so

711
00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:54,520
Speaker 8: many of them are rooted in unhealthy relationship dynamics, like

712
00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:57,000
Speaker 8: dating back to her mother and her mother's mother.

713
00:35:57,120 --> 00:36:00,200
Speaker 6: And uh, it's very very interesting, very interesting thing.

714
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:04,319
Speaker 2: We actually have an advice question that I feel is

715
00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:08,040
Speaker 2: kind of on topic with what we're discussing right now.

716
00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:11,600
Speaker 2: How just how do you navigate with the anxieties around

717
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 2: penetration due to trauma.

718
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:16,440
Speaker 6: Okay, great question.

719
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 8: I mean there's I have a couple other questions. Some

720
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:26,440
Speaker 8: people can can And I always say this word wrong vegsmus,

721
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:28,839
Speaker 8: But I'm not vegsmus.

722
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:30,239
Speaker 6: I think I'm saying that right.

723
00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:33,760
Speaker 8: But that's where your vagina tightens and it won't allow

724
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:36,759
Speaker 8: for penetration to happen. And usually that is associated with

725
00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:41,160
Speaker 8: something psychologically happening where your body just kind of tightens up,

726
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:45,680
Speaker 8: and it sometimes is attached to trauma. So if you

727
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:50,400
Speaker 8: have problems with penetration or you can't have a penis come.

728
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:52,279
Speaker 6: In, one, I might recommend a.

729
00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:56,400
Speaker 8: Pelvic floor specialist or a therapist to go through some

730
00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:57,400
Speaker 8: physical therapy.

731
00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:02,720
Speaker 6: Two any go slow, go slow, slow, slow, slow slow.

732
00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:08,440
Speaker 6: And three remember that sex isn't always just penetration. There

733
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:10,160
Speaker 6: are a lot of ways that you can.

734
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:14,040
Speaker 8: Experience pleasure with the partner and give pleasure with a

735
00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:18,480
Speaker 8: partner that don't equate to penetration. And it you know,

736
00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:22,520
Speaker 8: I think again, think about all the language we use

737
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:23,480
Speaker 8: around sex.

738
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:25,520
Speaker 6: Oh, I'm about to blow yell back out, I'm about

739
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:28,479
Speaker 6: to murder the policy, I'm about to shoot up.

740
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:32,560
Speaker 8: The club, Like why do we associate language of like

741
00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:35,960
Speaker 8: like language and violence. Yeah, I mean that all of

742
00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:38,080
Speaker 8: a sudden, my vagina just tightened up.

743
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:41,400
Speaker 5: Okay, ye go to break your back in said it

744
00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:41,600
Speaker 5: to me.

745
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:45,080
Speaker 8: I was like, what right? And I and I like

746
00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:48,600
Speaker 8: to remind people there's very few nerve endings on my cervix,

747
00:37:48,719 --> 00:37:51,280
Speaker 8: so no need to use it like a punching bag, okay,

748
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:54,680
Speaker 8: So and and so I would think that, like just this.

749
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:57,200
Speaker 2: Also be careful with my clip too, because niggas be

750
00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:00,480
Speaker 2: doing the most Like this is a fucking DJ competition.

751
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:05,400
Speaker 6: Right, Cut your nails, make sure they're cleaning. Okay. If

752
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:06,280
Speaker 6: you have a five.

753
00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:09,439
Speaker 8: O'clock shadow, you don't need to go downtown, okay, because

754
00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:11,759
Speaker 8: I don't need to giving me some tour at the

755
00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:15,520
Speaker 8: five o'clock shadow rash. So I think that I guess

756
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:18,319
Speaker 8: my advice would be go slow. If you feel like

757
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:23,000
Speaker 8: you're struggling with your vagina tightening, maybe think about going

758
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:28,759
Speaker 8: to a pelvic floor therapist, and then again masturbation and

759
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:33,759
Speaker 8: identifying toys or dildos that are small and working your

760
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:36,839
Speaker 8: way up to something larger. But there's a whole lot

761
00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:40,440
Speaker 8: of fun things you can do without penetration, you know,

762
00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:44,440
Speaker 8: have your partner play with a vibrator on your clid

763
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:47,480
Speaker 8: and tease you with that. That kid really get you going.

764
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:51,880
Speaker 8: And then also if you're worried about lubrication, grab you

765
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:52,879
Speaker 8: some lube.

766
00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:56,279
Speaker 6: And go to town. But I do want to encourage masturbation.

767
00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:59,040
Speaker 5: And I was going to say that too.

768
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:01,840
Speaker 2: I was going to say, like, I'm wondering if this person,

769
00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:04,040
Speaker 2: like how often they masturbate too, like so that they

770
00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:07,080
Speaker 2: can kind of connect back with themselves and feel comfortable,

771
00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:11,839
Speaker 2: you know, exploring their own pleasure and also penetration, penetrating themselves.

772
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:13,719
Speaker 6: Yeah, like what is that like?

773
00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:16,520
Speaker 2: What is that experience like when it's you penetrating yourself.

774
00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:19,720
Speaker 6: We've all we were all born with our first sex toys.

775
00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 6: Use them, use them, you know what I'm saying. You

776
00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:25,040
Speaker 6: got ten of them.

777
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 8: You got sex toys, right, Chia all your body, so

778
00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:33,279
Speaker 8: use them. But I think it's important for people to

779
00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:37,200
Speaker 8: just really masturbate again. It's it's it's a great way

780
00:39:37,239 --> 00:39:42,240
Speaker 8: to connect with self and reignite your your your whole

781
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:43,600
Speaker 8: sex drive.

782
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:46,719
Speaker 2: And and do you have any specific toys that you

783
00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:48,520
Speaker 2: love or like, what are your what are your go

784
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:49,960
Speaker 2: tos when I have masturbation.

785
00:39:50,239 --> 00:39:52,399
Speaker 8: I have so many toys, but I tend to use

786
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:57,759
Speaker 8: my trusty Dusty, which is just like your average shabari

787
00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:01,759
Speaker 8: or the ha Tachi three thousand, Okay.

788
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:02,920
Speaker 5: Is that like a back massager?

789
00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:05,239
Speaker 6: Well, some use it as that.

790
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:09,640
Speaker 8: I actually have a really funny story about that one time,

791
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:12,120
Speaker 8: because I had the ha Tachi that plugged into the wall.

792
00:40:12,239 --> 00:40:15,719
Speaker 8: This is the old school one. And what day It's

793
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:18,040
Speaker 8: left under my pillow in my bed, you know, just

794
00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:19,640
Speaker 8: nightly because no one else was there.

795
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:23,480
Speaker 6: And one morning I'm talking on the phone.

796
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:25,920
Speaker 8: And all of a sudden I hear and then I

797
00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:28,319
Speaker 8: start smelling something and I'm like, what is that?

798
00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:29,960
Speaker 6: Why does it sound like hair is burning?

799
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:35,680
Speaker 8: My freaking vibrator had short circuited, shot a spark and

800
00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:37,320
Speaker 8: caught a little bit of my hair on fire.

801
00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:42,040
Speaker 5: Go girl, that's a horror story. Was that was that

802
00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:43,320
Speaker 5: a plugin was plugged?

803
00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:45,920
Speaker 6: That's a lot you and.

804
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:49,360
Speaker 4: Erica with these plugins, Like you guys are these ancient?

805
00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:53,160
Speaker 4: Erica for the longest had this this plug in vibrator.

806
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:55,960
Speaker 2: I'm like, bitch, it's the best.

807
00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 4: The best part is that it doesn't die, because the

808
00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:01,960
Speaker 4: dying of the vibrator is amongst the most annoying shit ever.

809
00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:04,240
Speaker 6: But but those sounds my favorite.

810
00:41:04,280 --> 00:41:07,440
Speaker 8: The womanizer is good too, so that one the air

811
00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:08,480
Speaker 8: pols technology.

812
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:10,520
Speaker 6: But please remember that a circle.

813
00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:13,880
Speaker 8: Yeah, anything that's got a circle on it, if you're pierced,

814
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:15,359
Speaker 8: could be a.

815
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:21,400
Speaker 6: Little bit detrimental, so you know, move forward with caution.

816
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:22,239
Speaker 6: I guess.

817
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:27,359
Speaker 2: Do you have any advice for people that maybe or

818
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:29,840
Speaker 2: maybe even Mila, like, what advice can you give my

819
00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:33,279
Speaker 2: dear friend here, who you know doesn't it's always like

820
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:34,440
Speaker 2: maybe needs like a.

821
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:39,200
Speaker 5: Masturbation motivation motivation do you think maybe.

822
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:41,440
Speaker 2: It's like the setup, like I know some like some

823
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:44,440
Speaker 2: people have specific ways they set up their space for masturbation,

824
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:46,560
Speaker 2: right like get their space in the in the get

825
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:48,800
Speaker 2: the room in the in the in the right vibe

826
00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:53,400
Speaker 2: or it has to be very specific for you to relax.

827
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:55,960
Speaker 2: Where for me, obviously I can masturbate with my child

828
00:41:56,040 --> 00:41:56,640
Speaker 2: at home.

829
00:41:58,200 --> 00:41:59,720
Speaker 1: Or some that's not going to happen.

830
00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:03,799
Speaker 8: I mean I can masturbate pretty much anywhere if I

831
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:04,239
Speaker 8: need to.

832
00:42:04,719 --> 00:42:07,760
Speaker 2: But what we need a masturbation one on one course.

833
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:10,200
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean so I did.

834
00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:14,160
Speaker 8: I did a workshop with a group of ladies and

835
00:42:13,719 --> 00:42:15,799
Speaker 8: I may I may circle back around and do it.

836
00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:22,120
Speaker 8: But like meditation, through masturbation to manifest what you want, right,

837
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:26,040
Speaker 8: there's so much power in orgasms. There's it's such an

838
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:29,719
Speaker 8: amazing way to connect to your body. And so one

839
00:42:29,760 --> 00:42:33,239
Speaker 8: of the things is really ritualize it. You should turn

840
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:37,000
Speaker 8: it into a practice, right, you know, practice makes perfect

841
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:41,280
Speaker 8: And you deserve that time for yourself, right. You deserve

842
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:44,239
Speaker 8: a time and a space where you turn your cell

843
00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:48,520
Speaker 8: phone off, you set up some candles, your space or

844
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:52,879
Speaker 8: area is clear of distractions because remember again, I'll say

845
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:54,840
Speaker 8: it again, the brain is the most important part.

846
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:57,000
Speaker 6: And really give yourself that time.

847
00:42:57,040 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 8: Maybe it's a glass of wine, maybe it's a bubble bath,

848
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:04,360
Speaker 8: put yourself in the lap of luxury, your favorite lotions,

849
00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:09,960
Speaker 8: and then really set the mood for yourself and practice.

850
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:15,320
Speaker 8: Try thirty days of masturbation every day.

851
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:18,080
Speaker 5: Whoa is that the challenge?

852
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:21,000
Speaker 7: Oh my god, I guess.

853
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:20,640
Speaker 6: What I mean.

854
00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:24,000
Speaker 8: I know it sounds intense, but the idea is just

855
00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:28,960
Speaker 8: as much about masturbation as it is giving yourself that

856
00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:34,360
Speaker 8: gift of you time for thirty days, right, and not

857
00:43:34,520 --> 00:43:38,120
Speaker 8: every time needs to be candles and rose petals or whatever.

858
00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:38,520
Speaker 6: The case may be.

859
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:42,239
Speaker 8: But really it's like I'm going to set aside fifteen

860
00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:45,840
Speaker 8: twenty thirty minutes a day where all it is is

861
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 8: about me, and masturbation doesn't even necessarily have to be

862
00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:53,880
Speaker 8: to orgasm. It could be body pleasure. It could be

863
00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:57,160
Speaker 8: playing with your nipples, it could be caressing your skin,

864
00:43:57,320 --> 00:44:00,319
Speaker 8: caressing around your vulva. You don't have to get all

865
00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:03,440
Speaker 8: the way to orgasm, but really setting aside that time

866
00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:07,319
Speaker 8: can just and then clear your mind. You know, I

867
00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:13,000
Speaker 8: sometimes candles, incense, you know, the whole, the whole kitten

868
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:17,400
Speaker 8: kokboodle to just really honor myself, honor my volva, honor

869
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:22,200
Speaker 8: my sensuality, honor my sexuality. And it was so amazing

870
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:26,200
Speaker 8: to see how my head space cleared when I do that,

871
00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:28,319
Speaker 8: and when I do that for a certain amount of time.

872
00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:30,160
Speaker 5: That makes sense.

873
00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:32,640
Speaker 4: I think at one point I tried to get sexy

874
00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:34,480
Speaker 4: with it and then it felt good, and then I

875
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:37,520
Speaker 4: stopped in that practice because other shit was happening and

876
00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:39,920
Speaker 4: you know, life, and I just wasn't prioritizing it. So

877
00:44:40,239 --> 00:44:43,120
Speaker 4: I think like a thirty day challenge a will make

878
00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:46,239
Speaker 4: you really dive into it consistently, a.

879
00:44:46,280 --> 00:44:50,880
Speaker 2: Great challenge, like you're literally going to be pleasing yourself.

880
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:53,080
Speaker 4: And allotty days, you'll probably like explore different ways in

881
00:44:53,120 --> 00:44:55,959
Speaker 4: which you can do that, you know, like how what toys.

882
00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:56,680
Speaker 5: Can I use? Can I try this?

883
00:44:56,760 --> 00:44:59,640
Speaker 4: And I'm gonna use this, the suction cup with the vibrator,

884
00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:01,040
Speaker 4: let me use you know what I mean, And then

885
00:45:01,080 --> 00:45:03,520
Speaker 4: you can kind of more explore what that looks like

886
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:03,960
Speaker 4: for you.

887
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:08,239
Speaker 8: Yeah, but you can also manifest things, right, Like you

888
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:10,759
Speaker 8: open the show, you talk about manifesting what you want,

889
00:45:11,239 --> 00:45:14,080
Speaker 8: and when you are orgasming again, you're releasing a lot

890
00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:17,160
Speaker 8: of chemicals in the brain. So if while you're let's

891
00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:19,840
Speaker 8: say you want money to come your way, right, and

892
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:22,200
Speaker 8: if you ever want to do a thirty day challenge

893
00:45:22,239 --> 00:45:25,600
Speaker 8: that like a guided challenge with you and your listeners,

894
00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:28,880
Speaker 8: let me know and we can set that up. But

895
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:33,400
Speaker 8: this idea of manifesting, this thought you're manifesting. Oh, so

896
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:36,560
Speaker 8: maybe I'm trying to get a new job or I'm

897
00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:39,759
Speaker 8: trying to get money. What does it feel like when

898
00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:42,480
Speaker 8: you have that money? And so when you're orgasming, I

899
00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:45,560
Speaker 8: want you to think about that. For me, you know,

900
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:48,480
Speaker 8: sometimes it was like money falling on me. Right, So

901
00:45:48,520 --> 00:45:51,560
Speaker 8: when I was orgasming, I was really intentionally focusing on

902
00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:55,200
Speaker 8: money falling on me, and you can manifest that because

903
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:57,799
Speaker 8: it's putting that energy out into the world of what

904
00:45:57,880 --> 00:46:01,040
Speaker 8: you want and you're using that orgasm energy from your

905
00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:03,360
Speaker 8: orgasm to attract that to you.

906
00:46:03,719 --> 00:46:06,319
Speaker 6: And there's so much power there, so much power.

907
00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:12,000
Speaker 2: I wholeheartedly agree, and it's something that I have. I

908
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:15,600
Speaker 2: think I began putting in practice probably it like around

909
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:20,719
Speaker 2: two years ago. And it's like I've told I've talked

910
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:23,239
Speaker 2: about it on the show before that, like when I'm

911
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:26,520
Speaker 2: in orgasm, I will like focus on like you said,

912
00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:31,040
Speaker 2: like visualizing money or visualizing.

913
00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:31,920
Speaker 5: Whatever it is that I'm my goal is.

914
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:36,359
Speaker 2: It's total that's totally not based in sex at all.

915
00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:38,359
Speaker 2: It's something totally like I'm going to get a new

916
00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:40,840
Speaker 2: house or you know, I'm gonna get I'm gonna get

917
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:43,520
Speaker 2: that whatever whatever it may be. And then when I

918
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:49,799
Speaker 2: do orgasm afterwards, I feel so motivated, Like it's like

919
00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:52,719
Speaker 2: this surge of energy goes through my body and I

920
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:57,120
Speaker 2: feel activated to do whatever whatever that thing I was manifesting.

921
00:46:57,600 --> 00:47:00,520
Speaker 2: I feel even more driven to go try and pomplish it.

922
00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:03,960
Speaker 2: So it's just a really great tool to like kind

923
00:47:03,960 --> 00:47:07,680
Speaker 2: of kickstart whatever it is you're trying to manifest. We

924
00:47:07,760 --> 00:47:10,720
Speaker 2: actually are doing a on May twentieth, our girl Samaya.

925
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:13,400
Speaker 2: I don't know if you know Sexual Essentials, but she

926
00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:17,880
Speaker 2: is teaching a manifestation masturbation class to our tribe at Patreon.

927
00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:20,239
Speaker 1: So if you guys are interested in really.

928
00:47:20,040 --> 00:47:21,960
Speaker 2: Learning a lot more, I would love to have you

929
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:26,040
Speaker 2: there too as well, learning a lot more about this

930
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:31,640
Speaker 2: very very powerful tool in manifesting. Please join, because I'm

931
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:36,800
Speaker 2: telling you I've manifested things in pleasure period, Like it's happened.

932
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:42,160
Speaker 2: So it's so it's so incredibly powerful because, yeah, your

933
00:47:42,160 --> 00:47:45,400
Speaker 2: brain is like almost like you finally are outside of

934
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:47,080
Speaker 2: yourself for that moment.

935
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:49,040
Speaker 1: You open up something inside of you.

936
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:51,680
Speaker 2: And you allow things to come in in a way

937
00:47:52,040 --> 00:47:54,520
Speaker 2: that is really hard to do when you're just like

938
00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:57,040
Speaker 2: even sometimes just meditating and surrender.

939
00:47:57,360 --> 00:48:00,160
Speaker 5: You're surrendered, Yeah, the most open that you'll be. You

940
00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:01,400
Speaker 5: just kind of leave your body.

941
00:48:01,520 --> 00:48:03,600
Speaker 4: So it's like it's no wonder that that is the

942
00:48:03,640 --> 00:48:05,840
Speaker 4: time in which you can correct directly.

943
00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:07,759
Speaker 5: You can connect directly to source.

944
00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:12,799
Speaker 8: And that inner source, your inner power. Right, we're all

945
00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:16,239
Speaker 8: gods inside, right, if you believe. I mean, I'm not

946
00:48:16,239 --> 00:48:18,200
Speaker 8: here to say what anybody believes, but I believe God

947
00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:20,600
Speaker 8: is a woman. Therefore, and I believe that I am

948
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:24,080
Speaker 8: the reflection of God, and I carry that with me

949
00:48:25,200 --> 00:48:28,960
Speaker 8: to remember that, you know, my ancestors, all the wisdom,

950
00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:32,080
Speaker 8: all the things I need, all the things I want

951
00:48:32,080 --> 00:48:36,040
Speaker 8: to manifest, I have the power to manifest within me.

952
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:39,120
Speaker 8: You know, I don't need to go out. I don't

953
00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:41,560
Speaker 8: need to It's all within me. I just have to

954
00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:43,399
Speaker 8: bring it up and bring it out. And you can

955
00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:46,560
Speaker 8: really tap into some of those deep spaces and really

956
00:48:46,840 --> 00:48:50,040
Speaker 8: connects through your chakra during orgasm and sex.

957
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:51,200
Speaker 6: You know, here's the thing.

958
00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:55,279
Speaker 8: There's some about sex, right, Like you could do this

959
00:48:55,400 --> 00:49:01,040
Speaker 8: with a partner, this master like sex meditation, But be mindful.

960
00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:03,160
Speaker 8: If you're doing this with a partner, it needs to

961
00:49:03,160 --> 00:49:05,319
Speaker 8: be somebody you really want to be with because you're

962
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:08,919
Speaker 8: really like, that's a really deep practice because you're really

963
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:13,239
Speaker 8: intentionally focusing on something together. So I oftentimes like to

964
00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:16,400
Speaker 8: urge people to keep that for yourself for a while

965
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:18,480
Speaker 8: until you really feel like you're ready to share that,

966
00:49:18,520 --> 00:49:21,120
Speaker 8: because that's something really intimate, right.

967
00:49:21,480 --> 00:49:23,359
Speaker 2: I think if you do it by yourself too, you'll

968
00:49:23,400 --> 00:49:26,719
Speaker 2: really be so much more intentional when you share that

969
00:49:26,719 --> 00:49:29,719
Speaker 2: with someone, Like, yeah, nigga, this might just be a fuck.

970
00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:31,600
Speaker 1: I don't know if we need to be manifesting shit together.

971
00:49:33,280 --> 00:49:36,160
Speaker 4: What kind of energy do you have deeply, deeply deep

972
00:49:36,200 --> 00:49:38,040
Speaker 4: in there? What are we We have to be on

973
00:49:38,040 --> 00:49:41,240
Speaker 4: the same page so that we're getting the same results.

974
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:45,280
Speaker 8: Right, because you can't be out here manifesting a Dodge

975
00:49:45,360 --> 00:49:48,120
Speaker 8: Charger and I'm trying to manifest a new house, right, like,

976
00:49:49,800 --> 00:49:53,319
Speaker 8: you'll go shit right right, I'm on, Martha Stewart, You're

977
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:54,000
Speaker 8: on World Star.

978
00:49:54,239 --> 00:49:55,120
Speaker 6: That may not work.

979
00:49:55,480 --> 00:49:56,960
Speaker 5: It's not gonna work. It's really not.

980
00:49:59,120 --> 00:50:01,920
Speaker 1: That we're gonna get some fun diffusion of the boat

981
00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:03,839
Speaker 1: in a.

982
00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:10,880
Speaker 6: Balmdal right, the Inland Empires.

983
00:50:11,960 --> 00:50:12,600
Speaker 5: God damn it.

984
00:50:12,680 --> 00:50:16,400
Speaker 4: I knew I shouldn't have manifested with this nigga ghetto

985
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:21,120
Speaker 4: ass nigga, right, I told you that yat right?

986
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:23,200
Speaker 6: And he was not that he was a fishing boat

987
00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:23,960
Speaker 6: is what he had.

988
00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:27,719
Speaker 9: He was like, yeah, body, it's like nah, No, I

989
00:50:27,719 --> 00:50:31,160
Speaker 9: think that there's sex is powerful, and I think that

990
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:34,319
Speaker 9: when we have great sex with ourselves, we tap into

991
00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:35,080
Speaker 9: our own power.

992
00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:39,680
Speaker 8: And that's important. That's a I mean, it's really important.

993
00:50:39,840 --> 00:50:43,920
Speaker 8: I've built my whole career around sex. And you know

994
00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:49,840
Speaker 8: that the activism of sexuality, and.

995
00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:50,880
Speaker 2: Can you speak to that a little bit more on

996
00:50:50,920 --> 00:50:52,799
Speaker 2: what you mean by that. I was actually listening. I

997
00:50:52,840 --> 00:50:58,120
Speaker 2: was listening into your podcast and you had said something

998
00:50:58,200 --> 00:51:01,799
Speaker 2: similar to that, and I thought to my because I said,

999
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:04,840
Speaker 2: I think you said, how can we be social agents

1000
00:51:04,880 --> 00:51:07,160
Speaker 2: of change in the sex space.

1001
00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:09,800
Speaker 6: I mean, there's so many ways.

1002
00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:12,080
Speaker 8: But for me, you know, sometimes people look at me

1003
00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:13,800
Speaker 8: and they're like, oh, you're a sexologist.

1004
00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:15,920
Speaker 6: You're going to teach me how to pop my plassy

1005
00:51:16,520 --> 00:51:19,080
Speaker 6: and you know, suck a mean dick.

1006
00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:21,240
Speaker 8: And it's like I can a little bit low hanging

1007
00:51:21,280 --> 00:51:23,680
Speaker 8: fruit for me because like so many people do that.

1008
00:51:24,440 --> 00:51:28,120
Speaker 8: But what I'm really interested in is the sexuality of

1009
00:51:28,160 --> 00:51:30,960
Speaker 8: social justice, kind of like what I was talking about earlier,

1010
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:34,400
Speaker 8: this idea of like a lot of the social ills

1011
00:51:34,400 --> 00:51:38,000
Speaker 8: that are plaguing black and brown communities are deeply rooted

1012
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:43,799
Speaker 8: in sexuality, those intersections of race and class and socioeconomics.

1013
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:47,560
Speaker 8: And so for me, my activism revolves around sexuality, and

1014
00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:50,680
Speaker 8: it's rooted deeply in reproductive justice.

1015
00:51:50,360 --> 00:51:53,000
Speaker 6: The idea that all people have the right to have.

1016
00:51:52,880 --> 00:51:56,680
Speaker 8: A child, not have a child, choose how to not

1017
00:51:56,719 --> 00:51:59,240
Speaker 8: have a child, and be able to parent that child

1018
00:51:59,320 --> 00:52:02,640
Speaker 8: in a safe and sustainable environment. And all last summer

1019
00:52:02,640 --> 00:52:05,040
Speaker 8: when I was marching and screaming at the top of

1020
00:52:05,040 --> 00:52:08,759
Speaker 8: my lungs and shutting down bridges, it's the idea that

1021
00:52:09,280 --> 00:52:13,160
Speaker 8: if George Floyd can't live in this world, then we

1022
00:52:13,239 --> 00:52:17,160
Speaker 8: have not realized reproductive justice because he is someone's child

1023
00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:20,759
Speaker 8: and that mother needs to be able to live in

1024
00:52:20,800 --> 00:52:25,000
Speaker 8: a sustainable, safe place where she can raise that child.

1025
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:25,879
Speaker 4: Right.

1026
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:28,200
Speaker 8: And then on the flip side of that, I did

1027
00:52:28,239 --> 00:52:30,360
Speaker 8: go ham and a lot of people didn't like me

1028
00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:34,399
Speaker 8: because I said, black men, black men, I can't take

1029
00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:37,719
Speaker 8: a knee for y'all if you keep killing us, And

1030
00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:40,839
Speaker 8: there was a limited amount of conversation.

1031
00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:42,160
Speaker 6: I think last year.

1032
00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:46,680
Speaker 1: You mean black men killing black women, yes, okay.

1033
00:52:46,840 --> 00:52:49,720
Speaker 6: And not just cisgendered black women.

1034
00:52:50,480 --> 00:52:53,280
Speaker 8: If you won't say black lives matter, black trans lives

1035
00:52:53,280 --> 00:52:53,920
Speaker 8: matter matter.

1036
00:52:54,280 --> 00:52:56,080
Speaker 6: And we have already seen this year.

1037
00:52:56,160 --> 00:53:02,000
Speaker 8: I believe twenty seven to date trans or gender nonconforming

1038
00:53:02,200 --> 00:53:04,880
Speaker 8: individuals murdered and we are on track to have the

1039
00:53:04,920 --> 00:53:09,640
Speaker 8: most deadliest year for trans folk. And it's every year

1040
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:12,359
Speaker 8: it goes up, it goes up, it goes up, right,

1041
00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:18,280
Speaker 8: and women have led the movements, you know, women lead

1042
00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:19,800
Speaker 8: these movements, and.

1043
00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:24,400
Speaker 6: I just hope that people understand.

1044
00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:28,440
Speaker 8: We love leading the movements and we love protecting our brothers,

1045
00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:31,520
Speaker 8: but I'm gonna need some of y'all to step up

1046
00:53:32,440 --> 00:53:36,359
Speaker 8: and step out. And really it's this isn't a call out,

1047
00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:39,920
Speaker 8: It is a call in because we need you and

1048
00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:42,760
Speaker 8: you can do it. You can be an active agent

1049
00:53:42,920 --> 00:53:47,080
Speaker 8: of change in this space by just having a conversation

1050
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:50,480
Speaker 8: with your homeboys about language like can we get rid

1051
00:53:50,480 --> 00:53:52,080
Speaker 8: of I'm about to beat the pussy up?

1052
00:53:52,840 --> 00:53:55,279
Speaker 6: Or you know, she knock your head in that's what

1053
00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:55,560
Speaker 6: I heard.

1054
00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:59,040
Speaker 2: I'm gonna knock her head, break your back, figure out

1055
00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:00,359
Speaker 2: like simp.

1056
00:54:00,640 --> 00:54:03,360
Speaker 8: It's like when I say that, it's like that simple

1057
00:54:03,840 --> 00:54:04,960
Speaker 8: change the language.

1058
00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:07,640
Speaker 6: If you can have a friend that's talking kind of

1059
00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:12,799
Speaker 6: crazy about women, say bro, it ain't eighty nine, it's

1060
00:54:12,840 --> 00:54:14,400
Speaker 6: not ninety two. Okay.

1061
00:54:14,760 --> 00:54:17,959
Speaker 8: You know, we have to do better by our black

1062
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:21,080
Speaker 8: women because our black women have been holding us down

1063
00:54:21,760 --> 00:54:23,879
Speaker 8: in ways that we have not been able to hold

1064
00:54:23,920 --> 00:54:26,759
Speaker 8: ourselves down for a long long time. And then on

1065
00:54:26,800 --> 00:54:31,000
Speaker 8: the flip side of that, you know, some of us black.

1066
00:54:30,719 --> 00:54:32,799
Speaker 6: Women we need to check ourselves.

1067
00:54:33,280 --> 00:54:35,920
Speaker 8: We need to say, am I slept shaming somebody, am

1068
00:54:35,960 --> 00:54:40,280
Speaker 8: I perpetuating a patriarchal narrative that continues to put.

1069
00:54:40,120 --> 00:54:44,560
Speaker 6: My sisters down. Okay, like we all.

1070
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:47,200
Speaker 8: Have to kind of just be there for each other,

1071
00:54:47,520 --> 00:54:52,520
Speaker 8: be more accepting, and just really start having frank, open, loving,

1072
00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:56,799
Speaker 8: accepting conversations around all aspects of sexuality.

1073
00:54:57,160 --> 00:54:57,359
Speaker 6: Right.

1074
00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:00,960
Speaker 8: You know, it's not well, she showed up late, she

1075
00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:04,960
Speaker 8: knew what it was, but did she say yes like you?

1076
00:55:05,120 --> 00:55:09,359
Speaker 6: I mean, like, did you really get consent or you know, oh, he.

1077
00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:11,160
Speaker 8: Didn't want to sleep with me, he didn't make I've

1078
00:55:11,200 --> 00:55:13,640
Speaker 8: had women say to me, well, he didn't really push

1079
00:55:13,719 --> 00:55:15,880
Speaker 8: up on me like that, so you know, maybe he

1080
00:55:16,040 --> 00:55:18,680
Speaker 8: not into women. We have to stop all that because

1081
00:55:18,719 --> 00:55:22,120
Speaker 8: that is that narrative that continues to perpetuate the idea

1082
00:55:22,160 --> 00:55:26,080
Speaker 8: that men are these sexual beasts that know all the things,

1083
00:55:26,560 --> 00:55:28,600
Speaker 8: and we have to celebrate men that are sensitive. We

1084
00:55:28,680 --> 00:55:31,520
Speaker 8: have to celebrate men that can be vulnerable in these spaces.

1085
00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:35,040
Speaker 8: We have to celebrate partners. You know, and I'm saying

1086
00:55:35,440 --> 00:55:40,080
Speaker 8: I'm speaking in pretty heteronormative terms, but I think that

1087
00:55:40,600 --> 00:55:46,120
Speaker 8: even in lgbtq AI relationships, we still see gender norms,

1088
00:55:46,640 --> 00:55:50,520
Speaker 8: and you still see one person who has this more

1089
00:55:50,600 --> 00:55:53,520
Speaker 8: masculine space and this other person who takes on a

1090
00:55:53,520 --> 00:55:57,799
Speaker 8: more feminine gender role, and it's like, we can be

1091
00:55:57,960 --> 00:56:01,280
Speaker 8: all the things, Like I love being that. It doesn't

1092
00:56:01,280 --> 00:56:05,960
Speaker 8: help me in my dating right at all, But I mean,

1093
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:09,400
Speaker 8: I'm not gonna I don't want to stifle some of

1094
00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:14,359
Speaker 8: the best parts of me to conform to what men

1095
00:56:14,480 --> 00:56:17,279
Speaker 8: believe women should be, even though I've had a lot

1096
00:56:17,280 --> 00:56:19,880
Speaker 8: of men be like, well maybe if you weren't so

1097
00:56:20,160 --> 00:56:24,760
Speaker 8: in their face. You gotta play it, You've gotta fall back, play.

1098
00:56:24,600 --> 00:56:29,520
Speaker 5: More delicate, be more bashful. I'm not bashful. What the fuck?

1099
00:56:29,760 --> 00:56:32,320
Speaker 6: Yeah, don't tell them everything.

1100
00:56:32,400 --> 00:56:35,200
Speaker 8: I'm like, I'm a sexologist and if you google me,

1101
00:56:35,480 --> 00:56:38,359
Speaker 8: you're gonna be how I set my hair on fire

1102
00:56:38,400 --> 00:56:42,240
Speaker 8: with a vibrator, like, and there's nothing to be ashamed

1103
00:56:42,239 --> 00:56:46,000
Speaker 8: of for that. And it doesn't make me a whore

1104
00:56:46,400 --> 00:56:49,160
Speaker 8: or a no, it makes me human, you know.

1105
00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:55,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's this there's this narrative that women can't be like,

1106
00:56:55,480 --> 00:56:58,200
Speaker 4: can't be human. And I've been having this conversation a

1107
00:56:58,200 --> 00:57:01,640
Speaker 4: lot with some that's in my life and has very

1108
00:57:01,719 --> 00:57:08,400
Speaker 4: like conservative patriarch patriarchal views, and it's just it perplexes

1109
00:57:08,440 --> 00:57:11,000
Speaker 4: me because I'm like, I realize you're an intelligent person,

1110
00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:15,799
Speaker 4: and I know you understand that what you're saying sounds ridiculous.

1111
00:57:16,320 --> 00:57:19,760
Speaker 5: That men are somehow like created in a.

1112
00:57:19,720 --> 00:57:24,560
Speaker 4: Way that is just naturally more sexual and should be

1113
00:57:24,600 --> 00:57:27,760
Speaker 4: able to indulge more sexually on this like sexual process.

1114
00:57:27,840 --> 00:57:32,560
Speaker 4: But Prouse, Yeah, but if I express the same need

1115
00:57:32,600 --> 00:57:37,280
Speaker 4: and want to experience people and that somehow I'm unworthy

1116
00:57:37,400 --> 00:57:41,480
Speaker 4: of like being a wife or being a girlfriend, Like,

1117
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:45,360
Speaker 4: I'm just you know, like it's slight shaming. It's it's

1118
00:57:45,400 --> 00:57:48,920
Speaker 4: literally not being able to be as sexual being and

1119
00:57:49,360 --> 00:57:54,240
Speaker 4: as women. Everything about us is divinely you know, like

1120
00:57:54,680 --> 00:57:58,320
Speaker 4: is rooted in sexuality. To be a woman is to

1121
00:57:59,560 --> 00:58:02,360
Speaker 4: have sex all over you. You know, I'm a sexual being.

1122
00:58:02,400 --> 00:58:05,080
Speaker 4: There's no removing that part of me, and if I tried,

1123
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:06,400
Speaker 4: it would be awkward and weird.

1124
00:58:06,720 --> 00:58:08,479
Speaker 5: And the fact that you know, we haven't been.

1125
00:58:08,360 --> 00:58:11,960
Speaker 4: Able to embrace that, especially as black women and discuss

1126
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:14,160
Speaker 4: it out loud, it's just like even the small even

1127
00:58:14,280 --> 00:58:18,800
Speaker 4: doing this, it's like the smallest nudge towards normalcy, and

1128
00:58:18,840 --> 00:58:21,400
Speaker 4: it feels so uncomfortable. It even feels uncomfortable for me,

1129
00:58:21,520 --> 00:58:25,640
Speaker 4: And like, even in this space talking very freely. I

1130
00:58:25,680 --> 00:58:29,800
Speaker 4: still find myself in ways in private conversations like damn,

1131
00:58:29,800 --> 00:58:31,920
Speaker 4: maybe I should shut the fuck up, Maybe I should,

1132
00:58:31,960 --> 00:58:33,919
Speaker 4: you know what I mean, because you're I'm so I'm

1133
00:58:33,960 --> 00:58:37,240
Speaker 4: still deeply rooted in it too, as you. As much

1134
00:58:37,240 --> 00:58:39,920
Speaker 4: as I feel like I'm a rebel, and I'm rebel

1135
00:58:39,920 --> 00:58:44,479
Speaker 4: with anxiety, with anxiety, rebel with anxiety and a little

1136
00:58:44,480 --> 00:58:46,560
Speaker 4: bit of shame, I'm working on it, the dash of shame.

1137
00:58:47,040 --> 00:58:50,600
Speaker 8: Shame, you know, I think again, all of this is

1138
00:58:50,640 --> 00:58:54,520
Speaker 8: so normal, the idea of all of this anxiety and

1139
00:58:54,520 --> 00:58:55,080
Speaker 8: this shame.

1140
00:58:55,480 --> 00:58:58,560
Speaker 6: Those are all traumas, and healing from them is a journey.

1141
00:58:58,760 --> 00:59:01,560
Speaker 6: It's not a race, it's a It is a journey,

1142
00:59:01,640 --> 00:59:04,800
Speaker 6: and I do it too, like I have the same.

1143
00:59:06,040 --> 00:59:09,439
Speaker 8: Type of Sometimes I imagine myself if I was as

1144
00:59:09,560 --> 00:59:12,640
Speaker 8: unfiltered as I am behind closed doors in all of

1145
00:59:12,680 --> 00:59:16,400
Speaker 8: my discussions and every time I presented on camera, because

1146
00:59:16,560 --> 00:59:19,720
Speaker 8: I sometimes say to myself, I will probably be living

1147
00:59:19,840 --> 00:59:23,200
Speaker 8: real large people will really if we When I got

1148
00:59:23,240 --> 00:59:25,160
Speaker 8: into LA, I'm gonna come and see y'all, and y'all

1149
00:59:25,200 --> 00:59:27,960
Speaker 8: gonna be like, what, girl, you are really funny?

1150
00:59:28,080 --> 00:59:29,640
Speaker 6: You should really let that out.

1151
00:59:29,880 --> 00:59:32,600
Speaker 8: But then there's still this part of me that I'm

1152
00:59:32,640 --> 00:59:37,480
Speaker 8: trying to dismantle of like being a wife and being

1153
00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:40,600
Speaker 8: a bride and and you know, the sun is setting

1154
00:59:40,640 --> 00:59:43,000
Speaker 8: on that because I am, you know, pushing forty, but

1155
00:59:43,600 --> 00:59:45,000
Speaker 8: this idea.

1156
00:59:44,640 --> 00:59:53,080
Speaker 4: That likes not there's no agent limit, there's no age requirement, right.

1157
00:59:53,240 --> 00:59:57,360
Speaker 8: But it seems like, you know, the type of it's

1158
00:59:57,400 --> 01:00:00,800
Speaker 8: so funny because the type of people I attract tend

1159
01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:07,160
Speaker 8: to be from very conservative backgrounds. And yeah, and then

1160
01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:09,680
Speaker 8: once the novelty wears off, it's like, you know, I

1161
01:00:09,720 --> 01:00:12,360
Speaker 8: can't really take you home to my parents, Like the

1162
01:00:12,440 --> 01:00:15,640
Speaker 8: Jack and Jill community is not gonna be keen to you.

1163
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:20,920
Speaker 8: So and I think that, you know, that is the truth.

1164
01:00:21,120 --> 01:00:25,120
Speaker 8: But I'm still developing. I'm still growing into myself and

1165
01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:28,160
Speaker 8: I'm still working on not giving a fuck. And that's

1166
01:00:28,440 --> 01:00:31,240
Speaker 8: a process for me, you know. And again, we could

1167
01:00:31,240 --> 01:00:33,160
Speaker 8: go all the way into being biracial, but that's a

1168
01:00:33,160 --> 01:00:37,000
Speaker 8: whole other added layer of all the things.

1169
01:00:38,400 --> 01:00:41,160
Speaker 1: Still working on not giving a fuck.

1170
01:00:41,520 --> 01:00:42,360
Speaker 5: And it's true.

1171
01:00:42,440 --> 01:00:44,680
Speaker 4: And I feel like, I'm so happy you said it

1172
01:00:44,680 --> 01:00:46,560
Speaker 4: that way because I'm like, I am so I don't

1173
01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:47,120
Speaker 4: give a fuck.

1174
01:00:47,200 --> 01:00:50,120
Speaker 5: But then sometimes I'm like, bitch, no, you're not, you're not.

1175
01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:53,680
Speaker 4: You still give a fuck, still give a fuck, You're

1176
01:00:53,720 --> 01:00:54,800
Speaker 4: still like trying.

1177
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:57,800
Speaker 2: Like there's this weird your give a fuck has shifted

1178
01:00:57,800 --> 01:00:58,400
Speaker 2: somewhere else.

1179
01:00:58,600 --> 01:00:59,960
Speaker 1: It's like liposuck.

1180
01:01:00,320 --> 01:01:02,720
Speaker 2: You get sucked out and then they eat again, and

1181
01:01:02,760 --> 01:01:04,439
Speaker 2: then suddenly your neck is fat.

1182
01:01:04,400 --> 01:01:09,040
Speaker 4: Like showing wherever I was, Like, Damn, I thought I was.

1183
01:01:09,320 --> 01:01:11,360
Speaker 5: I thought I was. I was a slat. You know,

1184
01:01:11,760 --> 01:01:12,760
Speaker 5: I was a proud slat.

1185
01:01:12,840 --> 01:01:15,840
Speaker 4: Now I'm now I'm shamed again and I'm not because

1186
01:01:16,200 --> 01:01:18,040
Speaker 4: and then and then I always go back and forth

1187
01:01:18,120 --> 01:01:22,360
Speaker 4: with like with am I free and and wanting to

1188
01:01:22,400 --> 01:01:26,040
Speaker 4: do things? Or am I just like afraid of commitment

1189
01:01:26,120 --> 01:01:28,479
Speaker 4: and listening and compromise and I just want.

1190
01:01:28,400 --> 01:01:29,760
Speaker 5: To do whatever the fuck I want? Like, is it

1191
01:01:29,800 --> 01:01:31,520
Speaker 5: okay to do whatever the fuck I want? Well, ID

1192
01:01:31,520 --> 01:01:32,840
Speaker 5: be in a relationship if I ever do what the

1193
01:01:32,840 --> 01:01:33,320
Speaker 5: fuck I want?

1194
01:01:33,400 --> 01:01:36,600
Speaker 4: No, It's just there's so as a woman, there's so

1195
01:01:36,720 --> 01:01:41,040
Speaker 4: many lies that we've been told and that we believe

1196
01:01:41,680 --> 01:01:44,000
Speaker 4: and that have been reinforced, and that our parents tell

1197
01:01:44,080 --> 01:01:45,200
Speaker 4: us and our friends tell us.

1198
01:01:45,240 --> 01:01:47,480
Speaker 5: I've been my friend told me like, stop.

1199
01:01:47,240 --> 01:01:50,000
Speaker 4: Being so honest when your day guys like relax, don't

1200
01:01:50,160 --> 01:01:53,520
Speaker 4: come in so hot, Like I'm like, well, fucking three

1201
01:01:53,560 --> 01:01:55,960
Speaker 4: months from now where they listen to this fucking podcast,

1202
01:01:56,200 --> 01:01:58,600
Speaker 4: they're gonna know any fucking way, you know. And it's

1203
01:01:58,760 --> 01:02:02,360
Speaker 4: and it's even the fear of someone won't stay if

1204
01:02:02,360 --> 01:02:03,000
Speaker 4: they really know.

1205
01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:05,160
Speaker 2: That you'll be just enough for the person that's right

1206
01:02:05,200 --> 01:02:06,120
Speaker 2: for you exactly.

1207
01:02:06,800 --> 01:02:08,680
Speaker 8: I mean, I hear you. So a lot of my

1208
01:02:08,760 --> 01:02:11,200
Speaker 8: friends have said the same thing, like you really need

1209
01:02:11,240 --> 01:02:14,040
Speaker 8: to chill, Michelle, you really need to just fall back.

1210
01:02:14,320 --> 01:02:17,000
Speaker 8: And it's like, that's kind of like saying I should

1211
01:02:17,240 --> 01:02:20,040
Speaker 8: always wear makeup and all these thingss like somebody got

1212
01:02:20,160 --> 01:02:22,080
Speaker 8: to wake up with me at some point, and my

1213
01:02:22,080 --> 01:02:24,760
Speaker 8: makeup's not gonna be there, so I might as well

1214
01:02:25,320 --> 01:02:29,800
Speaker 8: show up and show out and let you decide what

1215
01:02:29,880 --> 01:02:30,280
Speaker 8: you want.

1216
01:02:30,480 --> 01:02:32,120
Speaker 6: This is what this is.

1217
01:02:32,120 --> 01:02:37,440
Speaker 4: What is The hard part is once they decide being

1218
01:02:37,560 --> 01:02:39,720
Speaker 4: completely okay with whatever.

1219
01:02:39,440 --> 01:02:41,840
Speaker 5: The fuck that is because I'm good.

1220
01:02:41,640 --> 01:02:44,760
Speaker 4: Over here, not like well maybe I should I could

1221
01:02:44,880 --> 01:02:46,240
Speaker 4: do this, Okay, hold on, wait, come back, let me

1222
01:02:46,240 --> 01:02:48,720
Speaker 4: tell you something I thought about it, and now I'm

1223
01:02:48,760 --> 01:02:51,960
Speaker 4: gonna be conservative, you know what I mean. There's it's

1224
01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:54,640
Speaker 4: it's it's it's saying who you are standing in it

1225
01:02:54,840 --> 01:02:57,280
Speaker 4: and then letting my fucking choose and really you doing

1226
01:02:57,280 --> 01:03:00,840
Speaker 4: the choosing, because if you don't like me as I am,

1227
01:03:01,120 --> 01:03:03,280
Speaker 4: you don't like me at all, Well, what if someone

1228
01:03:03,360 --> 01:03:08,360
Speaker 4: say on our zoom call, you can't take some of me?

1229
01:03:10,200 --> 01:03:11,400
Speaker 5: It just doesn't work that way.

1230
01:03:11,440 --> 01:03:15,000
Speaker 4: And as as healed people, we shouldn't want anyone who

1231
01:03:15,080 --> 01:03:17,200
Speaker 4: wants to pick and choose any parts of us because

1232
01:03:17,360 --> 01:03:20,000
Speaker 4: the slut parts, the hurt parts, the trauma parts, the

1233
01:03:20,040 --> 01:03:22,280
Speaker 4: loud parts are all equal parts of.

1234
01:03:22,160 --> 01:03:23,960
Speaker 5: Me and if you love me, you'll take it.

1235
01:03:25,160 --> 01:03:27,040
Speaker 8: And I think the other part to that, though, that

1236
01:03:27,720 --> 01:03:30,600
Speaker 8: something we definitely don't talk about as really empowered women,

1237
01:03:31,320 --> 01:03:35,120
Speaker 8: is how much of ourselves are we trying to pick apart?

1238
01:03:35,680 --> 01:03:38,000
Speaker 8: How much of those pieces.

1239
01:03:37,640 --> 01:03:39,840
Speaker 6: Are we saying, well, I really really like this piece,

1240
01:03:39,880 --> 01:03:40,520
Speaker 6: but I'm not.

1241
01:03:40,400 --> 01:03:44,240
Speaker 8: So excited about that piece, And this idea of we

1242
01:03:44,320 --> 01:03:47,560
Speaker 8: do this to ourselves before we even put ourselves out.

1243
01:03:47,360 --> 01:03:49,200
Speaker 6: There in front of someone else.

1244
01:03:49,680 --> 01:03:53,760
Speaker 8: So going back again, first relationship starts with self and

1245
01:03:53,840 --> 01:03:57,360
Speaker 8: as I am on this journey of working to give less.

1246
01:03:57,080 --> 01:04:00,400
Speaker 6: Fox, is me really tapping in you?

1247
01:04:01,480 --> 01:04:03,560
Speaker 8: Well, if there is a part that I don't like,

1248
01:04:03,960 --> 01:04:06,680
Speaker 8: why do I not like that? Because it's tryly not

1249
01:04:06,800 --> 01:04:09,880
Speaker 8: that bad for a long time, me being vocal and

1250
01:04:09,920 --> 01:04:14,040
Speaker 8: being outspoken I really struggled with And now I'm like,

1251
01:04:14,120 --> 01:04:15,960
Speaker 8: that's one of my favorite parts about myself.

1252
01:04:16,400 --> 01:04:20,720
Speaker 6: So really, if you don't like that, then telling.

1253
01:04:20,440 --> 01:04:24,960
Speaker 8: Embarrassing stories about stupid things I've done or experiences I've had.

1254
01:04:25,120 --> 01:04:30,800
Speaker 6: That make me human and make me like normal is

1255
01:04:31,280 --> 01:04:31,800
Speaker 6: what I like.

1256
01:04:31,880 --> 01:04:34,040
Speaker 8: I've always thought about doing a stand up because again,

1257
01:04:34,720 --> 01:04:38,840
Speaker 8: with this many miles on this corvette, the amount of

1258
01:04:39,360 --> 01:04:41,120
Speaker 8: so many of my girlfriends are like, girl, you have

1259
01:04:41,160 --> 01:04:43,360
Speaker 8: to write a you have got to write a book

1260
01:04:43,440 --> 01:04:45,240
Speaker 8: about all the shenanigans.

1261
01:04:45,840 --> 01:04:47,160
Speaker 5: Well, you know what I'm so, I'm.

1262
01:04:47,040 --> 01:04:49,080
Speaker 1: So glad you're mentioning shenanigans.

1263
01:04:49,120 --> 01:04:49,600
Speaker 5: Michelle.

1264
01:04:49,800 --> 01:04:52,600
Speaker 2: I'm really happy you mentioned the shenanigans because I think

1265
01:04:52,600 --> 01:04:54,400
Speaker 2: we told you that we have the segment on our

1266
01:04:54,440 --> 01:04:56,800
Speaker 2: show that we call horror stories.

1267
01:04:56,880 --> 01:04:58,080
Speaker 1: There are horries.

1268
01:05:02,320 --> 01:05:07,280
Speaker 2: Who stories, And I was like, the sexologist she got.

1269
01:05:07,080 --> 01:05:09,480
Speaker 5: To have horries, right, come with the horries.

1270
01:05:09,680 --> 01:05:11,960
Speaker 1: We asked another sexologist and she ain't had no horries.

1271
01:05:12,000 --> 01:05:12,680
Speaker 6: I was like, how the.

1272
01:05:12,600 --> 01:05:13,880
Speaker 1: Fuck are you not gonna have no horries?

1273
01:05:14,040 --> 01:05:16,760
Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, I'd be shy about sharing the horries,

1274
01:05:16,800 --> 01:05:17,640
Speaker 2: but you're over here.

1275
01:05:17,960 --> 01:05:20,680
Speaker 5: Sexology we would need a love. We would really love

1276
01:05:20,760 --> 01:05:23,600
Speaker 5: to get a level tens. Fucking horry because a lot

1277
01:05:23,640 --> 01:05:28,040
Speaker 5: of times our listeners becoming in medium, you know, a

1278
01:05:28,080 --> 01:05:29,920
Speaker 5: strong seven. We need some tens.

1279
01:05:30,320 --> 01:05:35,160
Speaker 6: Okay, so let's see here. I mean, I thought about

1280
01:05:35,160 --> 01:05:36,280
Speaker 6: this this morning, and I.

1281
01:05:36,200 --> 01:05:39,680
Speaker 8: Thought about all the different things that I have, some

1282
01:05:39,680 --> 01:05:43,200
Speaker 8: funny ones that are not that are like, oh girl, really.

1283
01:05:44,320 --> 01:05:50,720
Speaker 6: So I've done so much. I've I've really done a lot.

1284
01:05:51,920 --> 01:05:55,160
Speaker 8: And I guess instead of something mild, maybe more wild,

1285
01:05:57,840 --> 01:06:00,880
Speaker 8: you know, I have oh God, like right now, so

1286
01:06:00,960 --> 01:06:02,560
Speaker 8: many images are flashing.

1287
01:06:02,200 --> 01:06:07,840
Speaker 6: It in my head. I'm like, when do I tell

1288
01:06:09,400 --> 01:06:12,680
Speaker 6: So there was a time when I was very, very

1289
01:06:12,840 --> 01:06:18,680
Speaker 6: very wild and I had not seen a lover, for

1290
01:06:18,800 --> 01:06:20,680
Speaker 6: I had come off like a marriage.

1291
01:06:20,720 --> 01:06:24,760
Speaker 8: I was living in New York and I had a lover.

1292
01:06:24,920 --> 01:06:28,760
Speaker 8: An old lover had come into town and they were like, yeah,

1293
01:06:28,840 --> 01:06:30,840
Speaker 8: I'm just here for a couple of nights, let's meet

1294
01:06:30,960 --> 01:06:33,360
Speaker 8: whatever whatever. I was like, all right, cool, no problem.

1295
01:06:33,680 --> 01:06:36,120
Speaker 8: So we meet at a watering hole on the Upper

1296
01:06:36,200 --> 01:06:41,400
Speaker 8: West Side, and you know, one thing led to another

1297
01:06:41,760 --> 01:06:43,920
Speaker 8: and the next thing, you know, this space had a

1298
01:06:44,040 --> 01:06:47,520
Speaker 8: very small bathroom.

1299
01:06:46,240 --> 01:06:47,000
Speaker 6: Very small.

1300
01:06:48,440 --> 01:06:52,400
Speaker 8: And when I say very small, I mean, like you

1301
01:06:52,440 --> 01:06:54,680
Speaker 8: couldn't turn around in it to wash your hands.

1302
01:06:55,960 --> 01:06:59,040
Speaker 6: But somehow, somehow.

1303
01:06:59,520 --> 01:07:03,560
Speaker 8: We end it up in that bathroom for quite some time,

1304
01:07:04,160 --> 01:07:07,080
Speaker 8: to the point that we were actually removed from the

1305
01:07:07,200 --> 01:07:14,440
Speaker 8: establishment by the bouncers for inappropriate behavior.

1306
01:07:15,600 --> 01:07:19,080
Speaker 6: And but did that stop the passion? No, no, ma'am,

1307
01:07:19,120 --> 01:07:19,560
Speaker 6: it didn't.

1308
01:07:21,080 --> 01:07:25,880
Speaker 8: More kicked it right back up behind the establishment next

1309
01:07:25,920 --> 01:07:26,640
Speaker 8: to the dumpster.

1310
01:07:29,200 --> 01:07:31,160
Speaker 5: So sexy.

1311
01:07:31,200 --> 01:07:34,240
Speaker 8: You know, while people were just like walking, we could

1312
01:07:34,240 --> 01:07:35,920
Speaker 8: hear them walking pass on.

1313
01:07:35,920 --> 01:07:37,440
Speaker 6: The on the avenue.

1314
01:07:37,680 --> 01:07:41,160
Speaker 8: But guess what, it didn't stop us from having a

1315
01:07:41,200 --> 01:07:46,600
Speaker 8: good time. And then it happened one more time after

1316
01:07:46,640 --> 01:07:48,960
Speaker 8: we got out of the cab, in which it happened

1317
01:07:49,000 --> 01:07:52,920
Speaker 8: again and the person before we got into the house

1318
01:07:53,200 --> 01:07:55,040
Speaker 8: bent me over a parked car.

1319
01:07:58,000 --> 01:07:59,880
Speaker 6: In a neighborhood on it on just like one of

1320
01:07:59,880 --> 01:08:01,080
Speaker 6: the side streets.

1321
01:08:02,000 --> 01:08:06,760
Speaker 8: And the best part, it wasn't dark yet.

1322
01:08:06,960 --> 01:08:08,920
Speaker 4: This whole story took place in the afternoon.

1323
01:08:13,680 --> 01:08:14,040
Speaker 7: Wow.

1324
01:08:14,880 --> 01:08:18,400
Speaker 2: I fully support public sex. I like public sex. I've

1325
01:08:18,439 --> 01:08:23,280
Speaker 2: had my share. And something about like being caught or

1326
01:08:23,320 --> 01:08:27,680
Speaker 2: people even watching is kind of sexy. It's like, I

1327
01:08:27,720 --> 01:08:30,360
Speaker 2: don't know, it's just yeah, I think I'm a voyeur too,

1328
01:08:30,400 --> 01:08:31,000
Speaker 2: Like I need to go.

1329
01:08:30,960 --> 01:08:32,519
Speaker 5: To some We need to go to some stuff. Can

1330
01:08:32,560 --> 01:08:33,880
Speaker 5: we the world was opening up.

1331
01:08:33,920 --> 01:08:35,479
Speaker 2: I need to come to New York and go to

1332
01:08:35,479 --> 01:08:37,599
Speaker 2: some sex clubs dot. Do you ever go to any

1333
01:08:37,600 --> 01:08:38,639
Speaker 2: of the sex clubs in New York?

1334
01:08:38,960 --> 01:08:42,120
Speaker 6: Yes, I have been to some of them. I want

1335
01:08:42,120 --> 01:08:44,120
Speaker 6: to be transparent in saying.

1336
01:08:43,840 --> 01:08:47,960
Speaker 2: Actually, let's save this sex club conversation for our tribe

1337
01:08:47,960 --> 01:08:51,600
Speaker 2: at Patreon. So if you want to hear Michelle's experience

1338
01:08:51,960 --> 01:08:55,360
Speaker 2: and advice and even some actual sex clubs in the

1339
01:08:55,400 --> 01:08:58,519
Speaker 2: New York area, make sure you go on Patreon. That's

1340
01:08:58,520 --> 01:09:02,000
Speaker 2: patreon dot com, back slash, Good Mom, Bad Choices. Thank

1341
01:09:02,040 --> 01:09:04,920
Speaker 2: you so much for coming on our show, Michelle.

1342
01:09:04,560 --> 01:09:06,960
Speaker 6: Thank you so much for having me. I hope I

1343
01:09:07,080 --> 01:09:09,000
Speaker 6: was everything and more that you desired.

1344
01:09:09,080 --> 01:09:10,519
Speaker 5: Absolutely, really truly.

1345
01:09:10,640 --> 01:09:12,640
Speaker 1: Can you tell our listeners where they can find you?

1346
01:09:13,200 --> 01:09:15,240
Speaker 8: I mean you can follow me on all social media

1347
01:09:15,479 --> 01:09:19,120
Speaker 8: at mh Expert. You know, on my website, send me

1348
01:09:19,160 --> 01:09:23,400
Speaker 8: a DM, email me, get in touch, let's chat.

1349
01:09:24,760 --> 01:09:28,240
Speaker 2: Yes, and you guys know where to find us on Instagram.

1350
01:09:28,280 --> 01:09:31,640
Speaker 2: Good Mom's Underscore, Bad Choices. Make sure you join our patreon.

1351
01:09:32,200 --> 01:09:34,160
Speaker 2: If you have not yet joined the tiktoks, it's not

1352
01:09:34,200 --> 01:09:34,559
Speaker 2: so late.

1353
01:09:34,600 --> 01:09:35,160
Speaker 6: You guys, you guys.

1354
01:09:35,200 --> 01:09:37,040
Speaker 4: Can I think I'm going to start the Thirty Day

1355
01:09:37,160 --> 01:09:42,000
Speaker 4: Masturbation Challenge in May because I need.

1356
01:09:41,800 --> 01:09:45,680
Speaker 5: This most Yeah, you should. You should and rate and

1357
01:09:45,720 --> 01:09:47,360
Speaker 5: review this episode, god damn.

1358
01:09:47,200 --> 01:09:50,160
Speaker 1: It, and go check out our new merch on our website.

1359
01:09:50,360 --> 01:09:51,719
Speaker 6: We have some cool things over there.

1360
01:09:52,840 --> 01:09:59,720
Speaker 1: See you guys next week. Bye bye,