Speaker 1: So I wanted to talk about what has just come
Speaker 1: to me to be three ms, just because not because
Speaker 1: I thought of it ahead of time, but just because
Speaker 1: the three things I want to talk about are ems.
Speaker 1: One is men, like I want to give men advice
Speaker 1: because we're always talking about what women should do, and
Speaker 1: I don't want to be so blanket in saying that
Speaker 1: men are clueless, but I do think that many men
Speaker 1: are clueless. I'll just be the one to say that.
Speaker 1: So I want to get and women are clueless too,
Speaker 1: but men are clueless, So I want to give some
Speaker 1: tips to men on dating and relationships. I want to
Speaker 1: talk about possibly merging, like blending families, like merging you
Speaker 1: know how important it is to own property together, or
Speaker 1: like kids merging how different people handle that. So I
Speaker 1: want to talk about men merging, and money like which
Speaker 1: is similar to merging, Like how you deal with money.
Speaker 1: And everyone has a different approach to money, and it
Speaker 1: doesn't really matter if one person's even if both people
Speaker 1: are wealthy, they could have too drastically different ways of
Speaker 1: approaching money. Someone could be frugal, someone could be a
Speaker 1: spender like some people gift giving is their love language.
Speaker 1: Some people will spend millions of dollars on real estate,
Speaker 1: but no money on clothes.
Speaker 2: Like there's just there're just money as a.
Speaker 1: Whole bag of you know, a bag, a whole bag
Speaker 1: of money. So what is exciting to you about these
Speaker 1: three times? Like, what do you want to talk about?
Speaker 2: First?
Speaker 1: We could talk about men and like giving that what
Speaker 1: are you interested in? Oh my gosh, they're all yes,
Speaker 1: I'd love to talk about men. I'm I'm I love
Speaker 1: all three topics. I'm so excited to address some tips
Speaker 1: from the Playbook of Women that I constantly hear. And
Speaker 1: this applies to all men across every decade, no matter
Speaker 1: what their age is, where they live, what their ethnicity is,
Speaker 1: whatever their life page is.
Speaker 2: It's it's literally a universal theme.
Speaker 3: What I always hear complaints about people when they meet
Speaker 3: people before they come to selective search, of course, but.
Speaker 2: Ongoing, all right, frustrations that men need some tips. Let's
Speaker 2: play tennis. Let's go.
Speaker 1: You come up with one thing about men that they
Speaker 1: that they a tip, like we have to not like
Speaker 1: it has to be like prescriptive because men are not
Speaker 1: going to we cannot thrown on. We have to go like,
Speaker 1: this is a tip we can discuss it. Then I'll
Speaker 1: give what I think a tip. I don't even have
Speaker 1: any in my mind, but I'll sure I'll come right away.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I have so give.
Speaker 1: A tip for men that men like need to know
Speaker 1: and must do in dating and or relationships.
Speaker 2: They need to be.
Speaker 3: A man with the plan. They need to plan and
Speaker 3: schedule ahead. So if you think about a woman who
Speaker 3: they ask them out, they need to also tell us
Speaker 3: where where we're going so we know what to wear.
Speaker 3: But they need to first plan the date. They can't
Speaker 3: just have not have a reservation. They have to have
Speaker 3: the right time. Ask someone about is there food energies,
Speaker 3: cuisine preferences. They just need to have a plan and
Speaker 3: be thoughtful about it.
Speaker 1: Okay, So I'm going to challenge that, not just for
Speaker 1: the sake of it, but explain an experience of mine.
Speaker 1: So I was in the Hamptons this summer and someone
Speaker 1: wanted to have a plan with me, and they asked me,
Speaker 1: do you want to get together Saturday night? And they
Speaker 1: didn't really have a plan and said, I don't know
Speaker 1: if they said what do you want to do or something,
Speaker 1: I don't remember, but they weren't from the Hamptons, but
Speaker 1: we're staying there for like three weeks. And by the way,
Speaker 1: someone not from somewhere can do research, can ask people,
Speaker 1: et cetera. But I believe and have come to realize
Speaker 1: that they probably were worried that like I would definitely
Speaker 1: know better, and maybe because of who I am and
Speaker 1: that I'm like savvy or seem like a certain type
Speaker 1: of person, that they were going to just like fire
Speaker 1: a random shot and come up with something and that
Speaker 1: either wouldn't be good enough or that it wouldn't be
Speaker 1: like a good idea. And I said, in the text,
Speaker 1: which I know you guys always talk about leaning into
Speaker 1: your feminine energy, it's ceter I said, whatever the text was,
Speaker 1: I was like, are you hesitating because you're not from here?
Speaker 2: Do you need some help?
Speaker 1: And he was like, I haven't been here in years.
Speaker 1: And I said, okay, well, here are a couple of choices.
Speaker 1: This place is there, and this is the vibe. This
Speaker 1: is a situation where you could go on a boat.
Speaker 1: I happen to have this membership on a boat to
Speaker 1: go and you can take the early plan or this
Speaker 1: other thing. And he was like, I think we do
Speaker 1: the early plan on the boat. So I was kind
Speaker 1: of the one who had the plan, but I am
Speaker 1: a person that believes it. In a relationship, best idea wins.
Speaker 1: So in many cases, I'm the one who makes the plan,
Speaker 1: but I require something else from the other person. Like
Speaker 1: I relace the track, they like rock the flow. They
Speaker 1: have to figure out how we're getting there.
Speaker 2: They have to do them.
Speaker 1: If there's a map before hiking, like we're going on
Speaker 1: a trail, they figure it out.
Speaker 2: But I'll be like, let's go hiking.
Speaker 3: This is more universal advice for what I hear constantly
Speaker 3: from thousands and thousands of people saying, it's not attractive.
Speaker 3: That guy might be attractive to you because you know
Speaker 3: who he is and you already know he's a desirable person.
Speaker 3: It's not attractive if someone doesn't put care into the
Speaker 3: beginning of the date, and if they don't know the place,
Speaker 3: it's fair to either do research or say what is
Speaker 3: your preferences. Some people don't want to date in their
Speaker 3: exact town because they don't want the whole community to
Speaker 3: know their business, so it might be the next town over.
Speaker 3: They want to go date somewhere else. But I do
Speaker 3: think the overall tip to men should start with they
Speaker 3: need to do the hunting. They need to put thought
Speaker 3: into it. No high quality woman wants a guy that's
Speaker 3: half asked that doesn't put a plan or thought.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's revise it because if we're writing a book together,
Speaker 1: let's fill in the blank. So let's say a person
Speaker 1: should have the intention for a plan, but if they
Speaker 1: are still assertive and know what they don't know, they
Speaker 1: find a way that the other person knows that they
Speaker 1: have a plan, or that they that their intention is
Speaker 1: to have a plan, that they may not. Actually, they
Speaker 1: may think they might not have the best idea and
Speaker 1: that the person they're talking to, you might have a
Speaker 1: better idea.
Speaker 2: So be collaborative if necessary.
Speaker 3: Right, So let's revise it to be a good communicator
Speaker 3: and be thoughtful to say, do you want me to
Speaker 3: take the lead of making some suggestions or or do
Speaker 3: you have a certain place or idea that you'd have?
Speaker 2: All right?
Speaker 1: So chapter one is the intention for a plan, but
Speaker 1: the potential collaboration in.
Speaker 2: The plan, correct, all right, So that's that's a big thing.
Speaker 2: All right, So that's good, So we work together. Wow,
Speaker 2: that was good.
Speaker 1: That's good because, by the way, Barbie, I've dated a
Speaker 1: lot more than you so you have been an expert
Speaker 1: at a higher level. You have a texture that comes
Speaker 1: together where you're like a teacher of it. But I'm
Speaker 1: like out there in the field and you're saying, don't
Speaker 1: get so drunk, and I'm getting black aut drunk sometimes
Speaker 1: with still ending up with the person like you're trying
Speaker 1: to give.
Speaker 2: Totally got level. Yes, so yeah, all right.
Speaker 3: We were talking about how men need this this advice
Speaker 3: because I don't think there's anyone giving them this advice.
Speaker 3: So I think it's really important to know that if
Speaker 3: you don't know a guy from adam and you are
Speaker 3: only able to evaluate him on his actions, if he
Speaker 3: doesn't have the thoughtfulness to be a good communicator or
Speaker 3: at least have an idea of a plan. You can't
Speaker 3: just go somewhere on a Saturday night. The average person
Speaker 3: can't and get and have a meal.
Speaker 1: You're effectively saying that someone has to appear to be
Speaker 1: making effort, which is interesting because it's literally the first
Speaker 1: thing that you say that a man wants from a
Speaker 1: woman in her appearance, and that she took care to
Speaker 1: come to the date. The guy's about to pay for
Speaker 1: a date in traditional systems, and she's showing up and
Speaker 1: she made efforts, so you're effectively It doesn't really matter
Speaker 1: about the content, it's about the delivery.
Speaker 2: It's the effort. It's putting the effort into it.
Speaker 1: So it's really more about the effort than correct calling
Speaker 1: in a man with a plan. But the effort is
Speaker 1: what it is. So that's let's say e for effort
Speaker 1: for number one. We've even taken it deeper. All right, men,
Speaker 1: that's great.
Speaker 3: Okay, So under the whole theme of effort, I do
Speaker 3: think that hygie and sometimes is overlooked and I don't
Speaker 3: know what it is, but we hear this from people
Speaker 3: go on dates on apps all the time that say
Speaker 3: they didn't put an effort, like they're they have Noah's hair,
Speaker 3: they have ear here, their eyebrows were bushy, that had
Speaker 3: something on their shirt. They all the different things, so
Speaker 3: like it's really important as a man.
Speaker 2: That's interesting.
Speaker 1: So we're saying, so this is good because we're opening
Speaker 1: it up even bigger that it's effectively effort.
Speaker 2: It's effectively effort. Okay, so that's great.
Speaker 3: It's women are dolling up right, like we're putting an effort,
Speaker 3: and we always hear that men appreciate when we put
Speaker 3: an effort for a date, and women are saying the
Speaker 3: same thing about men, like make sure that you're putting
Speaker 3: an effort. Make sure that your version of dolling up,
Speaker 3: which is take a shower, look presentable, make sure that
Speaker 3: your nails are clean. It sounds so basic, and like
Speaker 3: who what wouldn't be doing? It's a deal, are not dirty? Yeah,
Speaker 3: I heard from my daughters all the way to people
Speaker 3: all ages that have gone on dates prior of course
Speaker 3: to us fixing them up, of just people that are
Speaker 3: just not showing the effort. So I think through hygiene
Speaker 3: head to toe that you put an effort.
Speaker 1: It's true because I've also found that like once a
Speaker 1: guy's locked in and really likes you, then all of
Speaker 1: a sudden he's like you're finding that he's manscaping because
Speaker 1: he's like sort of more intentional and more into the effort.
Speaker 1: So that's good because we made a blanket general category
Speaker 1: called effort that involves your appear efforts and involves the
Speaker 1: plan that is flexible in its nature based on who
Speaker 1: you're dealing with them where you are. Okay, so give
Speaker 1: me another one.
Speaker 3: I would say, effort on the date. So you want
Speaker 3: to make sure that you're not well. First effort in
Speaker 3: following up to make sure, like the day before the
Speaker 3: date looking for is seeing you tomorrow, just something where
Speaker 3: they know it's confirmed if it was scheduled before.
Speaker 2: I love that. So effort is a big giant bucket.
Speaker 1: And then you're going into effort into the plan, into
Speaker 1: the appearance, and then into the communication about what you're yes,
Speaker 1: the intent and also that you're excited.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it just sets the tone like you took the time,
Speaker 2: you care. You have to almost treat it.
Speaker 3: I mean it's more important than a business meeting because
Speaker 3: it's your personal life. But it's like you have to
Speaker 3: treat it as how you would attack a business meeting
Speaker 3: right or something you'd go after that you really want,
Speaker 3: you have the strategic plans the same thing. It's putting
Speaker 3: in the effort to showing that you care, you're looking
Speaker 3: forward to it. That quick text before the day before
Speaker 3: as well as after the date. I think it's important
Speaker 3: to say like had a great time or let me
Speaker 3: know when you get home safe.
Speaker 2: That's a big pro tip.
Speaker 3: So on the date, you want to be plugged in, engaging,
Speaker 3: be interesting and interested so it's not a monologue. It's
Speaker 3: a dialogue. It's not an interrogation. It's just a nice
Speaker 3: back and forth, staying in the moment, having a great conversation.
Speaker 3: It's also being thoughtful, like if she seems cold by
Speaker 3: baby saying like to the manager, can you turn down
Speaker 3: the air?
Speaker 2: Or was talking like making sure that she.
Speaker 3: Feels like you're she's being heard, understood and that you're
Speaker 3: being attended to her needs.
Speaker 1: Also, I would say then, like I don't want to
Speaker 1: be a coworker with this person, meaning I don't want
Speaker 1: to be involved in the process of like the tables
Speaker 1: at two top in between two other people that I'm
Speaker 1: the one who's like that's a little weird. Like I
Speaker 1: was out with a guy that he was gonna accept
Speaker 1: with me who is public and doesn't need people to
Speaker 1: my left of my right listening. You know, I'm at
Speaker 1: a two top against the wall, and like then there's
Speaker 1: two people on either side of me, you know, like,
Speaker 1: and I'm like so key. I had to say hey,
Speaker 1: like and I felt like I was now being the
Speaker 1: man like to say, so, what table is it? I
Speaker 1: had a guy once do advance work, like he walked
Speaker 1: in earlier he went to see what the table. As
Speaker 1: he came back, he texted me that I should go
Speaker 1: on another entrance. There were a lot of people there.
Speaker 1: Now that doesn't usually apply to most people, but as
Speaker 1: knowing who I was, he had done some research on
Speaker 1: who he was with and he didn't want me to
Speaker 1: walk into a crowded entrance and it to be all
Speaker 1: weird that I was going on a date and it
Speaker 1: was public.
Speaker 3: So it shows such respect and such thoughtfulness. They could
Speaker 3: get there fifteen minutes earlier. Talk to the hostess, say hey,
Speaker 3: I'd love a corner table. Obviously in advance to ask
Speaker 3: for a corner table, ask for four top somewhere private
Speaker 3: is great. But again, know your audience and know what's
Speaker 3: a great ambience where can actually hear each other talking.
Speaker 1: What about men who always like to sit facing the door,
Speaker 1: But isn't that the better seat and you're supposed to
Speaker 1: give the woman face the seat facing at or it
Speaker 1: really doesn't matter, Does it matter?
Speaker 2: I don't think it matters.
Speaker 3: The biggest thing is that you're not distracted by your
Speaker 3: head is on a swivel where you're looking at every
Speaker 3: other person but your date.
Speaker 2: Same with the phone.
Speaker 3: If you have kids and you need to keep your
Speaker 3: phone out, turn it upside down, maybe call your kids before,
Speaker 3: just letting them know that you're going into a meal,
Speaker 3: and only call if it need be.
Speaker 1: I don't think you should turn it upside down. I
Speaker 1: think I don't think it should be on the table.
Speaker 3: Well, I'm saying upside down because sometimes people will put
Speaker 3: it upside it and might not be appropriate to see
Speaker 3: what's coming in.
Speaker 1: No, I'm saying, but I don't even think it should
Speaker 1: be on the table, because that's.
Speaker 3: Fine, except for some people might say it is the
Speaker 3: first time they having a babysitter. It might be nervous
Speaker 3: about that, so it compromises turning it down. But I agree,
Speaker 3: if possible, don't put it on the table.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, if.
Speaker 1: That kind of thing called the restaurant, I think you
Speaker 1: have to go old school there too.
Speaker 3: The other thing is is that you, yeah, you don't
Speaker 3: want to make sure you're on the phone. Look in
Speaker 3: business mode. I don't care what business deal you have
Speaker 3: to do. Everything can wait a couple hours. Like this
Speaker 3: is an important you have to show that it's a
Speaker 3: priority and that you're engaged in your conversation. So I
Speaker 3: do think giving someone that the view is nice, But
Speaker 3: if it might be better to have the worse views so
Speaker 3: you're not distracted by seeing what's around you as well
Speaker 3: and can be more engaged.
Speaker 2: Depending on I'll take it to the next level.
Speaker 1: I don't think when you get back from the bathroom,
Speaker 1: the man should have, like had the urgency it'll pick
Speaker 1: up his phone and look at it. So when you're
Speaker 1: walking back to the table, he's looking at the phone.
Speaker 2: I don't like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want him to be thinking about how great
Speaker 1: the data is present, looking around, eating, eating a piece
Speaker 1: of bread.
Speaker 2: I'm not interested.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not interested in like he rushed to
Speaker 1: get on the phone and second I went to the bathroom.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, But if he forever is he should send
Speaker 3: you a text saying I'm on a date with the
Speaker 3: hottest woman tonight, or how did.
Speaker 2: I get so lucky? Right?
Speaker 3: I did that well because you said that, or something
Speaker 3: yeah cute sexy like flirty text because that's kind of
Speaker 3: fun play. Yeah, but yeah, I think phone needs to
Speaker 3: be off. But if you are sending a text communication
Speaker 3: before the date or after, you got to make sure
Speaker 3: you're being mindful of your spelling. It's such a turn
Speaker 3: off when people spell things wrong, and especially with autocorrect,
Speaker 3: it's even send the wrong text.
Speaker 2: Wow, or the name wrong.
Speaker 3: I've had my name is spelled wrong. Yeah, you guys
Speaker 3: have to be thoughtful about things like that. Just again
Speaker 3: just paying attention to the little things. But here's an
Speaker 3: advanced move that most men unfortunately mess up.
Speaker 2: If someone or the dates.
Speaker 3: Over ubers are being ordered if you're not sharing a
Speaker 3: car together, and sometimes people will leave the dates without
Speaker 3: waiting for the woman's Uber. And I think it's such
Speaker 3: a class act. It happens all the time. What it's
Speaker 3: such a class act to wait until their uber arrives.
Speaker 2: I would literally never speak to the person again.
Speaker 3: Never.
Speaker 2: Back in the day, there was a cab and then
Speaker 2: you could slide.
Speaker 3: The gentleman could slide at twenty to the cab driver
Speaker 3: saying make sure she gets home safe.
Speaker 2: Nowadays, if someone's going.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't thinking her own Uber and paying
Speaker 1: for it either.
Speaker 3: By the way, well there's really no other there's not
Speaker 3: a mechanism where you could gift an uber.
Speaker 2: There's you can't call an uber for something. Yes, you
Speaker 2: can put in your own Uber account.
Speaker 3: They're two adress could but they you could do that yeah,
Speaker 3: of course they're sharing, but then you're sharing an uber.
Speaker 2: No they're uber. Oh you can't have two ubers going
Speaker 2: at the same time. You could for you and a kid.
Speaker 2: You call an uber, then you call it know the uber.
Speaker 2: Now I see you're saying, so you first first you
Speaker 2: call for them, and then you call that for you.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Most people just or most people are okay with their
Speaker 3: having their ordering their own uber because what if they
Speaker 3: don't want the person to know where they're going or
Speaker 3: their address or whatever it could be. But I think
Speaker 3: it's very polite to wait, and it is a pro
Speaker 3: tip because a lot of people don't have that. I
Speaker 3: think just ignoorance you. They don't know that that's not
Speaker 3: a polite thing to do. It's it always waits, So.
Speaker 1: No wonder everybody fails miserably because we're still on the
Speaker 1: first date? Is the man ordering for the woman? Because
Speaker 1: I've seen it both ways, what would you like and
Speaker 1: then you say it? Or he asks what you would
Speaker 1: like and then he orders for you. I do think
Speaker 1: that's a nice note that something a girl would tell
Speaker 1: their girlfriend. It's not necessary, but I think it's a
Speaker 1: nice thing. He finds out what you want, he's not
Speaker 1: just saying we'll both have the blah. But I like
Speaker 1: and I also think there should be a collaboration so
Speaker 1: you can find it if the person is a sharer,
Speaker 1: because I'm a sharer and I like to say.
Speaker 2: Like, what do we want to get? But that's so fun.
Speaker 3: That's part of the whole thing is that's what I
Speaker 3: think that bond Like, let's share.
Speaker 2: How about this?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I love it?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Like or like I was thinking of getting to this.
Speaker 2: Do you like that?
Speaker 1: Because you could have a bite, like you don't have
Speaker 1: to push your thing on them or vice versa. But
Speaker 1: collaborating and like what you're getting because it's interactive and
Speaker 1: food's a great conversation piece.
Speaker 3: Why would it you And you could be playful for
Speaker 3: whatever reason you're not a share to say good because
Speaker 3: they'll have more more for me or something like that
Speaker 3: if they're not. But it is good to make it
Speaker 3: a fun experience because it does bond you and it's
Speaker 3: kind of a happy thing to talk about too.
Speaker 2: It's like an icebreaker.
Speaker 1: Mine is always awkward because I always have to say
Speaker 1: I'm allergic to fish, and it has to get out
Speaker 1: of the way fast because if a guy might be
Speaker 1: interested in kissing me, a third of the menu is
Speaker 1: off limits for him.
Speaker 3: Yeah, right, so that so that's a whole but that's
Speaker 3: it could be playful on how you, you know, spin
Speaker 3: that as well, how you present that one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm just letting you know I'm definitely alerted
Speaker 1: to fish.
Speaker 2: So good.
Speaker 1: So you're two minutes in, you're like, in the event
Speaker 1: that we might kiss, fish is off the table.
Speaker 3: It's not right, no, but it's kind of a fun
Speaker 3: thing because they know they have to navigate around that
Speaker 3: menu and fast, and then I feel so selfish, like
Speaker 3: for the rest of their life, like if they want
Speaker 3: to be with me, they now cannot order fish at restaurants.
Speaker 2: Like it's a big sacrifice for people. You're worth it.
Speaker 2: So it's all good, Okay.
Speaker 3: The other thing that's important is, so now you're leading
Speaker 3: the date, and you could say it's very uncomfortable when
Speaker 3: a guy asks the woman out for another date, because
Speaker 3: sometimes people will polite and say yes when they don't
Speaker 3: want to. So unless you really are vibing and you
Speaker 3: already feel like it's kind of known that both people
Speaker 3: want it, it's so much better to say you could
Speaker 3: say I had such a wonderful time. I hope to
Speaker 3: see you again, but not going to say detail and
Speaker 3: like assertive about it.
Speaker 2: Not like let's do this again. I'm around on Thursday.
Speaker 1: That's a great note because it's like putting the contract
Speaker 1: on the other person. You'd rather be like, get the
Speaker 1: vibe of if they also had a nice time, and
Speaker 1: then you tomorrow you say it or you call.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I had a wonderful time. I hope we could
Speaker 2: do this again.
Speaker 3: Just something chill, but not putting the pressure where they
Speaker 3: have to answer it, and it leaves a little bit
Speaker 3: of a mystery. But I do think it's nice to say, well,
Speaker 3: you text me when you got home safe, because it
Speaker 3: shows that you care and you want to make sure
Speaker 3: they get home safe.
Speaker 2: And I think it's really a gentleman act to say,
Speaker 2: like tex to me when you get home. Mind you, well,
Speaker 2: let's take a step further. Even if you don't like
Speaker 2: the woman, why not say that just you have a.
Speaker 3: Good representation like the woman. It is so nice. That's
Speaker 3: the other thing, Like the ghosting has to stop. It
Speaker 3: is unbelievable. I know why people do it. They don't
Speaker 3: want to hurt somebody's feelings, so they would rather say
Speaker 3: I'm back with an AX or I just met someone,
Speaker 3: but it's not true. It's just they're not interested and
Speaker 3: they don't want to hurt someone's feelings. But they're gonna
Speaker 3: hurt someone's feelings more, and they're gonna make themselves look
Speaker 3: like an asshole by not following up. It's so much
Speaker 3: more attractive and just high class to say I said
Speaker 3: a wonderful time tonight on text or the next day.
Speaker 2: I've given it more thought.
Speaker 3: I really I feel more of a friendship than a
Speaker 3: romantic connection, and I'm really holding up for that. We
Speaker 3: both deserve that. Whoever gets you as super lucky. I
Speaker 3: wish you all the best. It's just such a class act.
Speaker 2: Go with the truth.
Speaker 1: I said to a guy that was I was set
Speaker 1: up with. I said to a guy that yeah, I said,
Speaker 1: I don't remember what I said. I said something like,
Speaker 1: you call it a couple times, you want to go
Speaker 1: out again, you're dragging it out. I just said I
Speaker 1: think you're amazing, and I eventually said not then, but
Speaker 1: you know, I might know someone who's interesting, etc. I'm
Speaker 1: not sure if it's a fit, but I think you're
Speaker 1: wonderful and anyone's lucky to just what you said, look
Speaker 1: to have a human being and you get a good reputation.
Speaker 1: You don't know who you might set up, but you
Speaker 1: don't know that maybe they might set you up with
Speaker 1: their best friend. Once they meet someone, they may keep
Speaker 1: you in mind. There's no reason to burn a bridge
Speaker 1: and be a jerk.
Speaker 3: Correct If you're a class act, they're gonna say, oh
Speaker 3: my gosh, I'm so bummy. He doesn't like me, but
Speaker 3: he's such a great guy. And they're gonna think of
Speaker 3: a girlfriend saying he doesn't like me, but he might
Speaker 3: like you and he's such a good guy. But if
Speaker 3: they someone thinks that you're in a relationship, you just
Speaker 3: totally cut yourself off from other opportunities and you're also lying.
Speaker 2: And it's just it's you don't need to do that.
Speaker 3: Just get back to someone promptly, takes two seconds, as
Speaker 3: in a text, say something warm, that's a sincere compliment,
Speaker 3: and done, it's over. Then making someone feel hurting their
Speaker 3: feelings and like it's painful.
Speaker 2: It's not necessary.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not necessary, and you could cut them loose
Speaker 1: real fast and a nice way.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's good.
Speaker 3: Karma points to do the right thing and just treat
Speaker 3: people how you want to be treated. Literally goes back
Speaker 3: down to kindergarten right of how you want to be treated,
Speaker 3: to treat people with that same kindness and that way,
Speaker 3: when it happens to you, you'll realize that you hope
Speaker 3: that that person would have handled it better themselves, like
Speaker 3: how you are handling other people.
Speaker 1: Well, same thing with business or a job interview when
Speaker 1: someone just says like, it's not right, we're going with
Speaker 1: another person.
Speaker 2: Why leave you twisting in the wind for two weeks?
Speaker 2: So listen? So this works.
Speaker 1: Also, I've had one person on an app say to
Speaker 1: me that you match and you were texting I met someone.
Speaker 1: I think I'm going to give it a go, et cetera.
Speaker 1: And you're like, great, good for you. You're cheering for them.
Speaker 1: They're on an app. Yeah you don't even know them,
Speaker 1: but you're like yes, versus like ghosting you and texting.
Speaker 2: And then this has happened to me.
Speaker 1: I was out on the second date with someone that
Speaker 1: I really liked and there was another very good looking
Speaker 1: guy there and I happened to run into, oddly enough,
Speaker 1: a matchmaker, and she reached out to me later and
Speaker 1: said to me that that other guy, the guy number one,
Speaker 1: was it was it was the second date the other guy.
Speaker 1: She was like, that guy is a real catch and
Speaker 1: he's interested in you, and I'd like to connect you. Now.
Speaker 1: I wasn't sure if guy number one was a player,
Speaker 1: if I was gonna be into him. I was still
Speaker 1: wide open. So I was like, great, guy number two
Speaker 1: was in fact a catch. She says to me, he
Speaker 1: wants your number and he wants to get together with you.
Speaker 2: I look him up.
Speaker 1: He seems he's good looking, he's single, all the things.
Speaker 1: So now it took like for days, might have been
Speaker 1: a week. I was like, he never reached out. She
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I think he's with his family. This
Speaker 1: is happening, blah blah blah. Okay bye, And he had
Speaker 1: my number because she had connected the two of us.
Speaker 1: Finally he texted me and no, mind you. Things had
Speaker 1: accelerated with the guy that I was on a second
Speaker 1: date with. Maybe by this time we had been to
Speaker 1: like five days, and I was like, really into him,
Speaker 1: you could be into somebody.
Speaker 2: That might be him calling right now, literally talking about
Speaker 2: you right now. Call you back.
Speaker 1: I'm on the podcast, but not you. But the guy,
Speaker 1: I'll call you back. So I was on like fifth
Speaker 1: day with him, and this other guy texted me and said, hey,
Speaker 1: I think you're amazing and I'm really sorry. He owes
Speaker 1: me nothing. The only thing that happens is we were
Speaker 1: in a group text. He's interested, he's supposed to call me.
Speaker 1: I don't know him from Adam. He says, I'm really
Speaker 1: sorry I didn't reach out sooner. I reconnected with my
Speaker 1: ex and I really don't know what's going to happen,
Speaker 1: but I would like to give this a shot. And
Speaker 1: I've said good for you. I hope it works out.
Speaker 1: And I said, so interesting when I met you that night.
Speaker 1: When I saw you that night, I was actually on
Speaker 1: the second day it was someone and now I think
Speaker 1: it's heating up a little bit. And so that was
Speaker 1: like a very like we were both cheering. We didn't
Speaker 1: even know each other, but we were cheering for each other
Speaker 1: and it was like classy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so nice.
Speaker 3: That's how more people need to do that, because that way,
Speaker 3: if whatever reason doesn't work out for him or you,
Speaker 3: you can reach out and the call will be so
Speaker 3: highly regarded because you ended it with a bow.
Speaker 2: There's just a nice experience how you do anything is
Speaker 2: how you do everything. So be but that should be
Speaker 2: the norm.
Speaker 1: Be classy and every aspect of it, whether it works,
Speaker 1: doesn't work, like her, don't like her, attracted, aren't attracted.
Speaker 1: Even if you're supposed to text her, you follow through.
Speaker 1: Even if you're not going, you fall through. Even if
Speaker 1: you go, you don't like it, you fall through. If
Speaker 1: you go, you like it, you fall through. Do the
Speaker 1: right thing the whole way through, you get it. It's
Speaker 1: it's smart. That's a great come back to.
Speaker 2: And no one knows that. No one knows that. Okay.
Speaker 3: Other thing pro tips on dates be everyone has their
Speaker 3: antenta up of how the way staff is treated right.
Speaker 3: It's just like the little things like don't treat anyone
Speaker 3: like the help. It's a total turn off on the date.
Speaker 3: You don't want to grill someone about their ex especially
Speaker 3: in a first date, like I know, sometimes it could
Speaker 3: be like more of a biography date where you're catching
Speaker 3: up on all aspects of life, but it's so much
Speaker 3: more attractive, like in time you'll hear about people's pasts
Speaker 3: and things like that, but just stay focused on the present,
Speaker 3: Like there's so many things to talk about besides having
Speaker 3: to just talk about who else they date or tales
Speaker 3: from X.
Speaker 2: It goes negative.
Speaker 3: The biggest thing is talk about like be happy, like
Speaker 3: don't complain about your kids, don't complain about you be happy.
Speaker 1: Yes, but I will say this, it is often unavoidable
Speaker 1: based on questions to not get into some version of
Speaker 1: what you came from. But I would I'm going to
Speaker 1: color that in the lines and say be vague, but
Speaker 1: in a way that moves this conversation forward in a
Speaker 1: positive way, Like I think that was just a situation
Speaker 1: where I might have needed a little bit more freedom,
Speaker 1: and I'm looking for someone who you know, kind of
Speaker 1: is a little more alive.
Speaker 2: So you're kind of talking about your expert.
Speaker 1: You're not like Joe used to take me out for
Speaker 1: dinner and we had a roman antic tize.
Speaker 2: It's not like that.
Speaker 1: It's a little more positive. You're paying it forward. I
Speaker 1: think you have to reference the past to be in reality.
Speaker 3: I try if someone's asked, it's more of an elevator
Speaker 3: speech where you land the ending, where you're not going
Speaker 3: on and on and talking about where's the focus of
Speaker 3: the conversation. If anything, it's two to three sentences and
Speaker 3: ends like I wish him all the best, and we're
Speaker 3: both and I'm looking forward to being my person.
Speaker 2: It's not talking to it, but that's different.
Speaker 1: I'm saying the way it informs the present, Like, you know,
Speaker 1: what were you were together for four years? That oh
Speaker 1: interesting that you didn't why you broke off your engagement,
Speaker 1: that's relevant. A person is also looking for rest dress,
Speaker 1: so you might be like, he lived far, it was
Speaker 1: really hard. I think it was amazing. I wish him
Speaker 1: the best. To your point, I'm looking for something a
Speaker 1: little closer. I'm looking for someone younger. I didn't want
Speaker 1: young kids. Whatever, if it informs this situation, it can
Speaker 1: help this person learn about you.
Speaker 2: I think you can talk about the.
Speaker 3: Past, but you're not trash talking somebody never And you're
Speaker 3: also not romanticizing your ex. Correct, and you're not romanticizing.
Speaker 3: You're not trash shocking. But you're also not making it
Speaker 3: the focus of the conversation, not therapy. Yeah, it's now
Speaker 3: you wanted to be like, I'm going to explain it
Speaker 3: from a contact standpoint, but then you're moving on and
Speaker 3: talking about other things.
Speaker 1: No, and you don't use it as a license to
Speaker 1: keep going back to it, because you did it once.
Speaker 2: Yes, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: You said it once you got away with You're not
Speaker 1: now talking about rob.
Speaker 2: For two hours, right for sure? Okay, So now let's
Speaker 2: say you go on a date.
Speaker 3: You have a great date, you have good follow up,
Speaker 3: she got home safe, you're setting your texting.
Speaker 2: I'd love to see you again, and what works for you? Well,
Speaker 2: hold on before we even do that.
Speaker 1: I don't think enough people say thank you on the
Speaker 1: date either I know where you're going, and I don't
Speaker 1: think the bill comes thank you so much it was
Speaker 1: so amazing, like, or you look nice like.
Speaker 3: I think compliments are not given enough in general. Genuine
Speaker 3: compliments should be given one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: Even about a car, you're clothes like you could go
Speaker 1: into a mansion. Don't act like you're not jaded just
Speaker 1: because you know the person's rich or hasn't. I that's
Speaker 1: a nice wild like, be complimentary in every way. Everybody's insecure,
Speaker 1: That's what I think.
Speaker 3: And it could be physical compliments, it could be compliment
Speaker 3: with what someone said, but it is really nice to
Speaker 3: be complimented. It also does let people's guard down, like, Okay,
Speaker 3: that person likes what they're seeing, so it is a reinforcement,
Speaker 3: reinforcement amazing. Yeah, I think that's good. But the other
Speaker 3: thing is after a date, I would say the next day.
Speaker 3: And this is more for women, but it is nice
Speaker 3: for a woman to send a text saying thank you
Speaker 3: so much. I had a really nice time at dinner
Speaker 3: to thank you, because men don't hear that enough and
Speaker 3: that gives buying signals for them to make the next move.
Speaker 2: Yes, but I'm gonna revise that. I'm gonna say that night,
Speaker 2: you have the next day, you like it? You like
Speaker 2: it that night?
Speaker 1: No, because the next day is a new day, and
Speaker 1: the girl feels like she's being a little desperate and
Speaker 1: if a guy is a gameplay or insecured all, he
Speaker 1: might think she's doing that.
Speaker 2: And I think that night it doesn't count. It's like,
Speaker 2: so let's revise it.
Speaker 3: That that night when they're when the guy says, do
Speaker 3: me favor, tell me you get home safe, she sends
Speaker 3: the text saying I got home safe and thanks for dinner.
Speaker 1: But maybe he didn't say that because he might not.
Speaker 1: You Still it still counts. It's that night, thanks so much,
Speaker 1: that was really fun. Have they to do that?
Speaker 3: Yes, it's it goes a class act and then the
Speaker 3: biggest thing is is though the guy has to go
Speaker 3: back to having a plan because you can't wait weeks
Speaker 3: and have a lull. A guy might really like someone
Speaker 3: but then think, oh, I'm busy, I'm going to wait
Speaker 3: two weeks.
Speaker 2: I got this. But a woman is not going to
Speaker 2: put up with a guy that's not keeping momentum, making
Speaker 2: an effort and making sure that they're setting time to
Speaker 2: see someone again. It signals they're.
Speaker 3: Either dating too many people, or they're not really interested,
Speaker 3: or there's they're dating someone else.
Speaker 1: Okay, so let's make it this because I think, yes,
Speaker 1: a new plan, but I think that let's call it
Speaker 1: within the next two to three days. The man should
Speaker 1: express interest for the next plan. He may not know
Speaker 1: his exact calendar, he may have a custody schedule, but
Speaker 1: he should be like, I would really like to get
Speaker 1: together again.
Speaker 2: Let me get back to you with my can. There
Speaker 2: should be.
Speaker 1: Some the ball has moved forward in some way with intention. Correct,
Speaker 1: he is expressing his intention to want to see someone.
Speaker 3: But if he says I'll go back to a couple
Speaker 3: of days, he needs to get back in a couple
Speaker 3: of days. He is to be like the person that
Speaker 3: he says he's going he has to do what he
Speaker 3: says he's going to do, because he's also not attractive
Speaker 3: if he says he's going to do something and then
Speaker 3: he does, and like I'll get back to you on
Speaker 3: Wednesday and now it's Friday.
Speaker 2: That's that's not cool.
Speaker 1: No, he also can't say on the let's say we
Speaker 1: went out on Saturday and it's the Monday, let's get together.
Speaker 1: You're getting together Saturday, and he's completely silent until Saturday
Speaker 1: at four o'clock afternoon. That is you get insecure. He
Speaker 1: forgot there needs to be a thread between right, the.
Speaker 3: Day before is amazing to say, looking worth seeing you
Speaker 3: tomorrow night. And remember to tell the person where they're
Speaker 3: going so they know how to dress.
Speaker 2: Facts, because what am I wearing? Am I wearing jeans?
Speaker 2: And it's like a casual place is a dressy?
Speaker 3: Are we eating outside or walking a lot where I
Speaker 3: have to be careful what shoes I'm wearing.
Speaker 1: I'm always starting you might have a plan that day. Also,
Speaker 1: just women get anxiety. They just want to know something
Speaker 1: to like make a plan even we need to calms
Speaker 1: us down.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we need to know because we're planning our outfit
Speaker 3: like days and the second you ask us out, we're
Speaker 3: planning our outfit, like what are we going to wear.
Speaker 2: And what you're doing that day and time to get home.
Speaker 3: It's not loose correct, So that is like a big
Speaker 3: thing that guys need to do is have a little
Speaker 3: bit more. But I do think that it's I mean,
Speaker 3: if I was a guy, I would have the best
Speaker 3: restaurants already, like on lockdown, like a month in advance,
Speaker 3: so you have great ideas and options so that when
Speaker 3: you are making a date, you have great tables even reserved,
Speaker 3: or a great or experiences, whether it's a concert or
Speaker 3: do cool fun things.
Speaker 2: It just requires planning.
Speaker 3: If you think about you know, Christmas time, most people
Speaker 3: know to get the best resort and to get the
Speaker 3: best of everything, you need to plan a year in
Speaker 3: advance to know what you're doing next Christmas time, right,
Speaker 3: So it's the same thing. If you want to have
Speaker 3: the best experiences or if you care about ambiance, you
Speaker 3: care about making sure that you have something.
Speaker 2: The more you could plan in advance is so attractive.
Speaker 3: And if you know that, then if you don't have
Speaker 3: a date, you cancel it within the time frame to
Speaker 3: cancel the reservation. But there's nothing wrong with being that
Speaker 3: strategic and proactive and putting and also putting to the universe,
Speaker 3: Like I'm going to go on some really great dates
Speaker 3: and making some great reservations.
Speaker 1: I have a big one because I have gotten feedback
Speaker 1: from so many men on this. Now I'm like thought
Speaker 1: of as funny, so we're gonna put that to the side.
Speaker 1: But as what happens with me is men are like
Speaker 1: dying to make me laugh, like they find when I'm laughing,
Speaker 1: like it really is a bigger ego boost. And saying
Speaker 1: they're handsome, they have a big peanut, like it doesn't
Speaker 1: matter what you're rich, you're perfect, you're smart.
Speaker 2: Smart is a big one.
Speaker 1: Making someone feel like a man and validated and all
Speaker 1: that stuff. But like I would say this is for women,
Speaker 1: but just an insight into men.
Speaker 2: And like the.
Speaker 1: Humor has to be found in the date by both parties,
Speaker 1: so give us to men too. Like the humor in
Speaker 1: the date is critical. It could literally make the difference.
Speaker 1: Everybody wants to laugh, everybody wants to think something is funny,
Speaker 1: and so finding the humor in the date to me
Speaker 1: for me is absolutely critical. So for example, I remember
Speaker 1: asking a guy. I asked a guy what his worst
Speaker 1: dating story has been like, and I told my worst
Speaker 1: like Hall of Fame bad. And then I said to
Speaker 1: him rate it, rate mine, and he said forrest and
Speaker 1: holy shit, for what the hell is yours? And he
Speaker 1: told me the crazy story and we were crying laughing,
Speaker 1: but he felt like very validated and very Yeah, it
Speaker 1: felt like a big man on campus because he had
Speaker 1: like a big, good funny story. So bring in the nuts.
Speaker 1: Guys are guys and guys are animals, so you can't
Speaker 1: be too serious with them. And this is more for women,
Speaker 1: but it's for both because I want like men to
Speaker 1: know too the like the playfulness is on both sides.
Speaker 2: The humor is on both sides. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I was about to say, if people don't feel like
Speaker 3: they're funny, then go lean in on playful, because I
Speaker 3: think the biggest thing is don't be so stereily we're
Speaker 3: just talking about work, or you're just talking about like
Speaker 3: the mundane things. Find the situational humor, have a good
Speaker 3: exchange of stories.
Speaker 2: Everybody can be funny.
Speaker 1: They don't have to be traditionally funny. That the way
Speaker 1: that they dryly respond to someone funny I'll be with
Speaker 1: guys that are never would never be called funny, but
Speaker 1: they're funny around me because of like their reaction of
Speaker 1: something I would do.
Speaker 2: Like so it's a quick wit.
Speaker 3: It's like their response, it's like how they're de It
Speaker 3: could be dry, it could be nothing, but it's funny
Speaker 3: because because of the way, like there can't be two
Speaker 3: clowns in the circus.
Speaker 2: Like it could also just be good banter.
Speaker 3: It's just the biggest point is just make sure you're
Speaker 3: being playful with each other where you're.
Speaker 1: Like engaging with each other. I'd like to talk about
Speaker 1: the pen pal. I don't want to be a pen pal,
Speaker 1: Like not for five minutes.
Speaker 2: I really don't.
Speaker 1: It's called I had a great time. If you meet,
Speaker 1: that's so funny. I just ate a cheeseburger. Send me
Speaker 1: a picture of a cheeseburger.
Speaker 2: Lol. My dog.
Speaker 1: First of all, I don't give a shit about your
Speaker 1: dog all day long. Is a guy who I knew
Speaker 1: from twenty years ago, who still is in love with me.
Speaker 1: I don't even care about his dog now. I don't
Speaker 1: want to see pictures of your dog. I'm not interested.
Speaker 1: I am so emphatic. This could be my biggest one
Speaker 1: of all time and someone that you introduced me to.
Speaker 2: Remember, like, I don't want a fucking pen pal. Let's
Speaker 2: move the board. We're doing it. We're not something. Text
Speaker 2: me later.
Speaker 1: Move the You should keep in touch and correspond, like,
Speaker 1: I hope your day is going well. That's fine because
Speaker 1: you already have a plan on the board. You know
Speaker 1: you have a plan. Hope your day's going well, gorgeous
Speaker 1: day out here. Once you have a plan, you can
Speaker 1: be a light pen pal and then yeah, look forward
Speaker 1: to seeing you Saturday. That's like the utter light pen pal.
Speaker 1: But I'm not looking for a pen pald Er Well,
Speaker 1: I think it's.
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, until your until your relationship.
Speaker 3: It's it's it's the point of you want to make
Speaker 3: sure you're not over communicating and becoming clingy and needy.
Speaker 2: It's just not attractive.
Speaker 1: I like, I'm referring to the casualness of we're now penthals.
Speaker 2: We don't even have a on.
Speaker 3: The board, right no, no, no, well oh yeah yeah,
Speaker 3: that's like a no no that should not exist.
Speaker 2: I that's that everybody does that. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean, look, I'm always like people don't mind readers.
Speaker 3: They don't know, so maybe there's things you need to
Speaker 3: shit say, like lookfore like setting a date. I don't know,
Speaker 3: you might need to say something if that happens, if
Speaker 3: someone's listening to the thing. Because some people do like
Speaker 3: it and they like the bonding and getting to know someone,
Speaker 3: so I think it's more of a personal thing. But
Speaker 3: I think that it's when you're writing novels and you're texting.
Speaker 3: I think the biggest thing is like text should be
Speaker 3: about small things, not about bonding and communicating. It's more
Speaker 3: about logistics or confirming or setting a cute, flirty, warm text.
Speaker 3: It shouldn't be novels or mundane things like you said
Speaker 3: about I just ate cheeseburger. Here's a picture of my cheeseburger.
Speaker 3: Look my dad, my dog's doing the cues thing. Un
Speaker 3: till you're in a relationship that it makes sense. But
Speaker 3: I agree it should just be curbed. I also think
Speaker 3: before you know someone, you should not be saying pictures
Speaker 3: like shirtless pictures or asking people send me a pic
Speaker 3: of you. I think it's just really distasteful. If you're
Speaker 3: on an app, you already saw each other's photos. There's
Speaker 3: no reason to send more, and it could be just
Speaker 3: a total turn off. It's like tacky.
Speaker 1: I think it's just I think text needs to be
Speaker 1: used as a tool just now something rely on that
Speaker 1: weakness that you're relying on your back and forth now
Speaker 1: you're like in a dialogue, nor like it shouldn't be
Speaker 1: like a crutch, like just a bridge to get us
Speaker 1: to when I feel like I'm gonna ask you out again.
Speaker 2: I don't like that. It really bothers me.
Speaker 1: And I've had a situation where a relationship that ended
Speaker 1: up being great could have not worked because of it
Speaker 1: because I was like, put some fun, put that, And
Speaker 1: it could be something going on with the person where
Speaker 1: they're going to a bad divorce, they're with their kids,
Speaker 1: and they're not sharing with you why it's happening.
Speaker 2: But you're there, You're like, this guy doesn't even what
Speaker 2: does he think?
Speaker 1: And it's a very bad communication tool and you have
Speaker 1: to find a confident way to break through it to
Speaker 1: be like I really like you. This communication style isn't
Speaker 1: isn't working from you. You have to like pat it and
Speaker 1: you have to dip it in frosting, and you can't
Speaker 1: you know, you can't say something rude like I don't
Speaker 1: want to be your pem popc as it could turn
Speaker 1: someone up. It's very hard to land and because people
Speaker 1: say stop texting them back and then they'll call you,
Speaker 1: it doesn't work like that. If you don't text, it's
Speaker 1: the new communication. So if you don't text them back,
Speaker 1: they're going to think you don't like them. You have
Speaker 1: to find a way to verbalize to them. And we're
Speaker 1: back to women again, because that's who we are. You
Speaker 1: have to find a way to verbalize to them that
Speaker 1: it's not your favorite communication style at this stage. Better
Speaker 1: to maybe get on the phone or make a plan,
Speaker 1: like you have to get the words up.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think there's a way to say where you
Speaker 3: could again like kiss punch, but it's more like you
Speaker 3: have to be You do have to maybe sugarcoat it,
Speaker 3: but it is important. If it's a pet peeve of
Speaker 3: somebody's it's important to say, hey, I like you, but
Speaker 3: this communication I'm not a texture. So looking forward to
Speaker 3: setting a date or like if someone's texting it, you
Speaker 3: just are like I want to now start my night,
Speaker 3: or like I can't do this.
Speaker 2: I always just say.
Speaker 3: To putting my phone down, have a great night or
Speaker 3: something like that, or about about to drive talk you know,
Speaker 3: have a great night. Something that signals, okay, we're done
Speaker 3: with this chain, because people will just keep going on
Speaker 3: and not.
Speaker 2: I also, it doesn't matter and you can get through it.
Speaker 1: But if it goes on too long, but the person
Speaker 1: has a very long delay in texting you back, it's
Speaker 1: a problem. You'll see how they text their kids. You'll
Speaker 1: see that they are texters. And I'll tell you something,
Speaker 1: whether it's Steve Cohen or Mark Cuban or the most
Speaker 1: successful people in the world, you know, text me back immediately.
Speaker 1: People that are successful and smart and secure text back immediately.
Speaker 1: It's the way of twenty twenty foor. It's extremely rare.
Speaker 1: You're an adoctor.
Speaker 2: You're taking ant like it's late night.
Speaker 1: Yes, obviously people don't have a phone attached them, but
Speaker 1: people do text back. And I've only found this because
Speaker 1: I found that the people that don't then later somehow
Speaker 1: you jolt it, you get in a relationship, but then
Speaker 1: they're texting you every second like it's kind of a scam.
Speaker 1: You're either playing a game or something's going on. It's
Speaker 1: just it's a it's a flag. It may not be pinking,
Speaker 1: may i'd be read it is a flag. So men,
Speaker 1: set your intention, set your pace from the beginning, whatever
Speaker 1: it's going to be.
Speaker 2: But you can't be haphazard about it because it becomes
Speaker 2: a signal and a sign Yeah, and I agree.
Speaker 3: Then it's game planing, Like wait a minute, you were
Speaker 3: soting to me before and you always texted me, and
Speaker 3: now there's all these lulls and it does make like
Speaker 3: it does you know, our intents are up and we're
Speaker 3: smarter than that, so it is important to not play games.
Speaker 2: And same with love bombing. I think the same thing implies.
Speaker 1: What about establishing, defining and communicating what your communication style is,
Speaker 1: so at least someone understands you could be a doctor
Speaker 1: and you like, I don't really text a lot during
Speaker 1: the day.
Speaker 2: There are exceptions like or I.
Speaker 1: You know something like that, or I really am not
Speaker 1: good on text some people are.
Speaker 2: During the day, I'm not.
Speaker 3: I think it's the same thing, Like it's just communicating
Speaker 3: and just being upfront by saying one thing that's important
Speaker 3: for you to know about me. I don't text during
Speaker 3: the day, yeah, Or I'm not a big text or
Speaker 3: I don't love that kind of communication.
Speaker 2: And there's a playful way you could.
Speaker 3: Say that to someone whether on a date or in
Speaker 3: a text to say so love that you're reaching out,
Speaker 3: but I'm so much better.
Speaker 2: I'm so much more of a phone girl.
Speaker 3: Or I just I prefer just setting a plan and
Speaker 3: getting to know you better.
Speaker 1: Or when when I'm with my kids, I'm not, I
Speaker 1: don't text. So something that just gives you something, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because we listen to everything.
Speaker 2: So I think that's good. You said love bombing.
Speaker 3: I just think it's still a thing, and I don't
Speaker 3: know if people are just over using that label, but
Speaker 3: I think what happens is someone might genuinely be excited
Speaker 3: about someone or they like that phase, like the adrenaline
Speaker 3: rush of love bombing, and then when it settles into
Speaker 3: the real thing, then they exit out. So I just
Speaker 3: think that people have to be really careful, like you said,
Speaker 3: set the stage of your intention, because if you can't
Speaker 3: keep up with that pace, we're gonna notice that there's
Speaker 3: a shift in your communication style or in yours.
Speaker 2: It's not gonna end. Well, that's a good note, but
Speaker 2: even otherwise.
Speaker 1: There was a guy this summer that I went out
Speaker 1: with and he loved bogged me immediately and it turned
Speaker 1: me off. Now I don't believe that he was right.
Speaker 1: I mean, I know that he wasn't right for me,
Speaker 1: and I wouldn't have ended up with him, but there
Speaker 1: was such a vibe on it that it was like
Speaker 1: ick and it put on me.
Speaker 2: Like he'd be like, oh, hey, good.
Speaker 1: Morning or something, and I'd be like I didn't really
Speaker 1: sleep well and he'd say, oh, well, usually when you
Speaker 1: meet when Cupid's arrow hits, you would have a good
Speaker 1: night's sleep, like assigning to me that I'm supposed to
Speaker 1: feel a certain weight based on that we had gone
Speaker 1: out for a good date.
Speaker 2: And then I felt like almost like emotionally attacked.
Speaker 1: It was like subtle, but it was like yeah, and
Speaker 1: I'm like yeah, no, I just you know, I just
Speaker 1: haven't had a good nights to be like ooh, someone's
Speaker 1: not great in the morning. Like it was almost like
Speaker 1: assigning all this stuff to me, and it really turned
Speaker 1: me off. It was like I felt like someone was
Speaker 1: like suffocating me so fast. It was like a different
Speaker 1: version of love vomb me. He wasn't like, let's one
Speaker 1: vacation and he wasn't to me to keep saying that,
Speaker 1: but yeah, just like put his own shit on me,
Speaker 1: and I was like, get off.
Speaker 2: You're on my jock.
Speaker 3: It's too much. Yeah, too much, too fast, over communicating.
Speaker 3: Oversharing is a turnoff. It just it sounds like he
Speaker 3: was just giving you shit, like he was trying to
Speaker 3: be funny and it wasn't funny.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I had two guys like that too.
Speaker 1: That Like you got on the phone one time, We
Speaker 1: did FaceTime one time, then like, okay, I'm going.
Speaker 2: Into a meeting. We just talked for fifteen minutes and
Speaker 2: he'd be like, I'm going to a meeting. Okay, great.
Speaker 2: Then the minute he's out, he's texting me we haven't
Speaker 2: been on a date. You're like, I don't want to
Speaker 2: talk to you all day. I don't know you, and
Speaker 2: it's weird. That's why it's so much better when you
Speaker 2: know someone it's not the date. I agree.
Speaker 3: It's almost like sometimes people get insecure when you don't
Speaker 3: when someone doesn't want to do that. But I always
Speaker 3: try to educate that when you meet someone, it's more
Speaker 3: healthy when there's a real connection between two people and
Speaker 3: then it's a natural communication out of their relationship versus
Speaker 3: just falsely wanting to.
Speaker 2: Have a communication with somebody. It's like a placeholder.
Speaker 1: Well, I think it's like people are dying for a relationship,
Speaker 1: so they won't want cheate a relationship, like you start
Speaker 1: talking to them. It's the opposite of like ghosting. It's
Speaker 1: like immediately we're now in a relationship. We had a
Speaker 1: good correspondence, or we texted right now in each other's
Speaker 1: lives fully in some way, or even after a date,
Speaker 1: like we had a good date, congratulations, Like we're not
Speaker 1: in a relationship the day after because you were attracted
Speaker 1: to me because I look hot, because you're successful and smart,
Speaker 1: Like does it You can't like rush a relationship.
Speaker 2: We're not in a relationship.
Speaker 3: No, And I think that that's great to show the confidence,
Speaker 3: not the arrogance, but the confidence of just let it
Speaker 3: be a slow burn. No one needs to be in
Speaker 3: a hurry, because when it's streeks of desperation, when you're
Speaker 3: pushing and pressing so so much, that's the word.
Speaker 2: This would be under the desperation category, and that's an it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the glove buttoning is desperate. Pushing your program is desperate.
Speaker 1: Too many plans too soon is desperate. Too much correspondence
Speaker 1: is desperate too much.
Speaker 2: Check all of that. That's exactly yeah, right, So that
Speaker 2: to be trusted.
Speaker 3: No, well, that's the thing, is it just I think
Speaker 3: that it's like shows the pattern of insecure and not
Speaker 3: a healthy dynamic of a relationship. And sometimes men just
Speaker 3: can't be alone, so they just want to do that
Speaker 3: because they need to be your relationship.
Speaker 2: But that's not healthy and that's not healthy for the person.
Speaker 3: So make sure that you just take the time to
Speaker 3: be thoughtful and again, like just operate with being authentic
Speaker 3: and not just in a hurry, because it is such
Speaker 3: a turnoff.
Speaker 2: Okay, so let's talk about I call it manic.
Speaker 1: So I've been in two different scenarios where I think
Speaker 1: it's like real and it is real. I don't think
Speaker 1: it's really it's real equally as real as one another.
Speaker 1: And in one scenario, you fall for a person very
Speaker 1: not that quickly, but in a reasonable couple of months,
Speaker 1: let's say. But it doesn't feel manic. It feels like
Speaker 1: you're going deeper into a yoga post or massaging or needing.
Speaker 1: And in other scenarios it's equally as like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: this is it. But it feels manic. You feel like
Speaker 1: you're a little exasperated, you feel like you can't breathe.
Speaker 1: You feel like a little anxiety you're waking up that
Speaker 1: has felt for me like something that's not It doesn't
Speaker 1: mean it's not real, but it's not sustainable. So there
Speaker 1: are two ways to start like something, because you can't
Speaker 1: just say I know, I was out to deal with
Speaker 1: people who were hed it for twenty years. The other
Speaker 1: night that in three months two and a half months
Speaker 1: got engaged and they've been together for twenty years.
Speaker 2: So I'm not going to be here to criticize fast.
Speaker 2: But yeah, it just worked. They got on the road.
Speaker 2: It was healthy. It just happened.
Speaker 1: But they weren't like lunatics manic love bombing come to
Speaker 1: Vegas tomorrow.
Speaker 2: They just loved being with you each other. They folded
Speaker 2: it in.
Speaker 1: It was like layering a sauce where it just you
Speaker 1: keep folding in the ingredients. It keeps working something versus
Speaker 1: like Manic out of the Gate love bonding.
Speaker 2: We're doing everything. You can never be apart.
Speaker 1: We're imprinted on each other where one person I've done
Speaker 1: it and it's very different in the result.
Speaker 2: I think, again that's a very personal thing.
Speaker 3: But I think to know yourself and know what works
Speaker 3: better for you and how your reaction to it. You
Speaker 3: have to listen to your gut with something like that,
Speaker 3: and it could be the right person but the wrong pace,
Speaker 3: and then it could just be a conversation like, hey,
Speaker 3: I like to go slow and steady. I truly believe
Speaker 3: dating through the seasons is so important because it's one
Speaker 3: thing to have great few dates and the chemistry is
Speaker 3: off the charts and you like literally can't wait to
Speaker 3: Ripischlither's clothes off and you're into it. It's another thing
Speaker 3: when someone shows that they're a good partner, when they
Speaker 3: think of you and they're thoughtful and they're doing things
Speaker 3: that they're not selfish, and all that plays out through
Speaker 3: time and you can't rush that so be in a
Speaker 3: hurry to know is this my person? It's just like,
Speaker 3: let's just see what happens is we're having so much
Speaker 3: fun figuring it out, but you can't be Sometimes you
Speaker 3: want to know so bad is this my person? But
Speaker 3: you won't know until the situations of let's see what happens,
Speaker 3: how we treat each other, how we deal with conflicts,
Speaker 3: how we deal with navigating everything.
Speaker 1: I'm like a step sooner saying if you feel like
Speaker 1: you're driving without breaks. You probably are like, I've done
Speaker 1: that in a wrong relationship, like a bad boy, where
Speaker 1: you feel like you're driving about breaks. I've also done
Speaker 1: it with someone that's great. But it's the way that
Speaker 1: you feel. And you've talked about how someone makes you feel,
Speaker 1: even if it's you feel good, but it feels a
Speaker 1: little exasperating.
Speaker 2: Something needs to comp don, is what I'm saying. It
Speaker 2: doesn't mean it is silence.
Speaker 3: Again, there's so much pressure from society, like your girlfriend's
Speaker 3: like your family. You have to silence all the noise
Speaker 3: of everyone like liking this person, like fan clubbing them,
Speaker 3: and being like, how do I feel and how is
Speaker 3: this person making me feel?
Speaker 2: And what do I need to communicate different or better?
Speaker 3: Or what do I need from this person that I'm
Speaker 3: not getting to be able and then communicate because no
Speaker 3: one's a mind reader. But it's like, but if you
Speaker 3: keep it going, then you shame on you because you're
Speaker 3: allowing it to happen.
Speaker 1: Well, I think it's regulating yourself, but also to your point,
Speaker 1: I think it could be regulating other person. Yes, and
Speaker 1: we get so excited and then we're reading them off
Speaker 1: a resume of things that we think are going to
Speaker 1: sound impressive and I don't even meet it in a
Speaker 1: superficial way.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, he's so great with his.
Speaker 1: Kids or his dog or you know, he's a doctor
Speaker 1: or whatever the thing is.
Speaker 2: And you're like reading the resume.
Speaker 1: And I've done that so many times versus like getting
Speaker 1: in touch with yourself to see what you feel. And
Speaker 1: it's very easy to do because things look shiny and
Speaker 1: they're exciting. But like every new car has that smell
Speaker 1: and then it fades, So I think that's really critical. Ye,
Speaker 1: And so men men need to do that too, And
Speaker 1: that's kind of connected to love bombing and regularly and
Speaker 1: coming in and getting all excited and you're right.
Speaker 2: I do notice with men they come in really hot.
Speaker 1: Sometimes we got the quification and this, and they get
Speaker 1: excited and you're right, then the new car smell is gone.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: The ones they land you, their communication style changes are
Speaker 3: all of a sudden. They want to they have other
Speaker 3: plans with their guy friends or their kids, other things.
Speaker 3: So it's just more about again taking the time to
Speaker 3: know you know, you're worth enjoy getting to know that person,
Speaker 3: and if it's not right for you, then don't stay
Speaker 3: too long just because it looks good to everybody else,
Speaker 3: because if you're miserable behind closed doors, it's a long,
Speaker 3: hard life.