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Speaker 1: So I wanted to talk about what has just come

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Speaker 1: to me to be three ms, just because not because

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Speaker 1: I thought of it ahead of time, but just because

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Speaker 1: the three things I want to talk about are ems.

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Speaker 1: One is men, like I want to give men advice

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Speaker 1: because we're always talking about what women should do, and

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Speaker 1: I don't want to be so blanket in saying that

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Speaker 1: men are clueless, but I do think that many men

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Speaker 1: are clueless. I'll just be the one to say that.

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Speaker 1: So I want to get and women are clueless too,

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Speaker 1: but men are clueless, So I want to give some

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Speaker 1: tips to men on dating and relationships. I want to

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Speaker 1: talk about possibly merging, like blending families, like merging you

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Speaker 1: know how important it is to own property together, or

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Speaker 1: like kids merging how different people handle that. So I

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Speaker 1: want to talk about men merging, and money like which

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Speaker 1: is similar to merging, Like how you deal with money.

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Speaker 1: And everyone has a different approach to money, and it

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Speaker 1: doesn't really matter if one person's even if both people

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Speaker 1: are wealthy, they could have too drastically different ways of

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Speaker 1: approaching money. Someone could be frugal, someone could be a

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Speaker 1: spender like some people gift giving is their love language.

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Speaker 1: Some people will spend millions of dollars on real estate,

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Speaker 1: but no money on clothes.

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Speaker 2: Like there's just there're just money as a.

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Speaker 1: Whole bag of you know, a bag, a whole bag

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Speaker 1: of money. So what is exciting to you about these

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Speaker 1: three times? Like, what do you want to talk about?

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Speaker 2: First?

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Speaker 1: We could talk about men and like giving that what

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Speaker 1: are you interested in? Oh my gosh, they're all yes,

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Speaker 1: I'd love to talk about men. I'm I'm I love

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Speaker 1: all three topics. I'm so excited to address some tips

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Speaker 1: from the Playbook of Women that I constantly hear. And

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Speaker 1: this applies to all men across every decade, no matter

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Speaker 1: what their age is, where they live, what their ethnicity is,

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Speaker 1: whatever their life page is.

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Speaker 2: It's it's literally a universal theme.

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Speaker 3: What I always hear complaints about people when they meet

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Speaker 3: people before they come to selective search, of course, but.

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Speaker 2: Ongoing, all right, frustrations that men need some tips. Let's

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Speaker 2: play tennis. Let's go.

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Speaker 1: You come up with one thing about men that they

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Speaker 1: that they a tip, like we have to not like

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Speaker 1: it has to be like prescriptive because men are not

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Speaker 1: going to we cannot thrown on. We have to go like,

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Speaker 1: this is a tip we can discuss it. Then I'll

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Speaker 1: give what I think a tip. I don't even have

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Speaker 1: any in my mind, but I'll sure I'll come right away.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, I have so give.

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Speaker 1: A tip for men that men like need to know

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Speaker 1: and must do in dating and or relationships.

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Speaker 2: They need to be.

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Speaker 3: A man with the plan. They need to plan and

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Speaker 3: schedule ahead. So if you think about a woman who

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Speaker 3: they ask them out, they need to also tell us

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Speaker 3: where where we're going so we know what to wear.

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Speaker 3: But they need to first plan the date. They can't

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Speaker 3: just have not have a reservation. They have to have

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Speaker 3: the right time. Ask someone about is there food energies,

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Speaker 3: cuisine preferences. They just need to have a plan and

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Speaker 3: be thoughtful about it.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So I'm going to challenge that, not just for

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Speaker 1: the sake of it, but explain an experience of mine.

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Speaker 1: So I was in the Hamptons this summer and someone

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Speaker 1: wanted to have a plan with me, and they asked me,

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Speaker 1: do you want to get together Saturday night? And they

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Speaker 1: didn't really have a plan and said, I don't know

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Speaker 1: if they said what do you want to do or something,

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Speaker 1: I don't remember, but they weren't from the Hamptons, but

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Speaker 1: we're staying there for like three weeks. And by the way,

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Speaker 1: someone not from somewhere can do research, can ask people,

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Speaker 1: et cetera. But I believe and have come to realize

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Speaker 1: that they probably were worried that like I would definitely

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Speaker 1: know better, and maybe because of who I am and

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Speaker 1: that I'm like savvy or seem like a certain type

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Speaker 1: of person, that they were going to just like fire

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Speaker 1: a random shot and come up with something and that

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Speaker 1: either wouldn't be good enough or that it wouldn't be

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Speaker 1: like a good idea. And I said, in the text,

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Speaker 1: which I know you guys always talk about leaning into

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Speaker 1: your feminine energy, it's ceter I said, whatever the text was,

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Speaker 1: I was like, are you hesitating because you're not from here?

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Speaker 2: Do you need some help?

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Speaker 1: And he was like, I haven't been here in years.

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Speaker 1: And I said, okay, well, here are a couple of choices.

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Speaker 1: This place is there, and this is the vibe. This

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Speaker 1: is a situation where you could go on a boat.

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Speaker 1: I happen to have this membership on a boat to

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Speaker 1: go and you can take the early plan or this

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Speaker 1: other thing. And he was like, I think we do

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Speaker 1: the early plan on the boat. So I was kind

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Speaker 1: of the one who had the plan, but I am

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Speaker 1: a person that believes it. In a relationship, best idea wins.

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Speaker 1: So in many cases, I'm the one who makes the plan,

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Speaker 1: but I require something else from the other person. Like

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Speaker 1: I relace the track, they like rock the flow. They

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Speaker 1: have to figure out how we're getting there.

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Speaker 2: They have to do them.

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Speaker 1: If there's a map before hiking, like we're going on

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Speaker 1: a trail, they figure it out.

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Speaker 2: But I'll be like, let's go hiking.

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Speaker 3: This is more universal advice for what I hear constantly

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Speaker 3: from thousands and thousands of people saying, it's not attractive.

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Speaker 3: That guy might be attractive to you because you know

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Speaker 3: who he is and you already know he's a desirable person.

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Speaker 3: It's not attractive if someone doesn't put care into the

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Speaker 3: beginning of the date, and if they don't know the place,

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Speaker 3: it's fair to either do research or say what is

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Speaker 3: your preferences. Some people don't want to date in their

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Speaker 3: exact town because they don't want the whole community to

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Speaker 3: know their business, so it might be the next town over.

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Speaker 3: They want to go date somewhere else. But I do

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Speaker 3: think the overall tip to men should start with they

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Speaker 3: need to do the hunting. They need to put thought

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Speaker 3: into it. No high quality woman wants a guy that's

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Speaker 3: half asked that doesn't put a plan or thought.

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Speaker 1: Okay, let's revise it because if we're writing a book together,

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Speaker 1: let's fill in the blank. So let's say a person

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Speaker 1: should have the intention for a plan, but if they

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Speaker 1: are still assertive and know what they don't know, they

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Speaker 1: find a way that the other person knows that they

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Speaker 1: have a plan, or that they that their intention is

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Speaker 1: to have a plan, that they may not. Actually, they

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Speaker 1: may think they might not have the best idea and

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Speaker 1: that the person they're talking to, you might have a

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Speaker 1: better idea.

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Speaker 2: So be collaborative if necessary.

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Speaker 3: Right, So let's revise it to be a good communicator

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Speaker 3: and be thoughtful to say, do you want me to

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Speaker 3: take the lead of making some suggestions or or do

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Speaker 3: you have a certain place or idea that you'd have?

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Speaker 2: All right?

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Speaker 1: So chapter one is the intention for a plan, but

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Speaker 1: the potential collaboration in.

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Speaker 2: The plan, correct, all right, So that's that's a big thing.

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Speaker 2: All right, So that's good, So we work together. Wow,

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Speaker 2: that was good.

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Speaker 1: That's good because, by the way, Barbie, I've dated a

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Speaker 1: lot more than you so you have been an expert

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Speaker 1: at a higher level. You have a texture that comes

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Speaker 1: together where you're like a teacher of it. But I'm

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Speaker 1: like out there in the field and you're saying, don't

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Speaker 1: get so drunk, and I'm getting black aut drunk sometimes

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Speaker 1: with still ending up with the person like you're trying

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Speaker 1: to give.

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Speaker 2: Totally got level. Yes, so yeah, all right.

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Speaker 3: We were talking about how men need this this advice

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Speaker 3: because I don't think there's anyone giving them this advice.

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Speaker 3: So I think it's really important to know that if

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Speaker 3: you don't know a guy from adam and you are

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Speaker 3: only able to evaluate him on his actions, if he

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Speaker 3: doesn't have the thoughtfulness to be a good communicator or

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Speaker 3: at least have an idea of a plan. You can't

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Speaker 3: just go somewhere on a Saturday night. The average person

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Speaker 3: can't and get and have a meal.

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Speaker 1: You're effectively saying that someone has to appear to be

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Speaker 1: making effort, which is interesting because it's literally the first

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Speaker 1: thing that you say that a man wants from a

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Speaker 1: woman in her appearance, and that she took care to

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Speaker 1: come to the date. The guy's about to pay for

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Speaker 1: a date in traditional systems, and she's showing up and

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Speaker 1: she made efforts, so you're effectively It doesn't really matter

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Speaker 1: about the content, it's about the delivery.

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Speaker 2: It's the effort. It's putting the effort into it.

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Speaker 1: So it's really more about the effort than correct calling

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Speaker 1: in a man with a plan. But the effort is

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Speaker 1: what it is. So that's let's say e for effort

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Speaker 1: for number one. We've even taken it deeper. All right, men,

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Speaker 1: that's great.

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Speaker 3: Okay, So under the whole theme of effort, I do

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Speaker 3: think that hygie and sometimes is overlooked and I don't

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Speaker 3: know what it is, but we hear this from people

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Speaker 3: go on dates on apps all the time that say

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Speaker 3: they didn't put an effort, like they're they have Noah's hair,

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Speaker 3: they have ear here, their eyebrows were bushy, that had

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Speaker 3: something on their shirt. They all the different things, so

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Speaker 3: like it's really important as a man.

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Speaker 2: That's interesting.

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Speaker 1: So we're saying, so this is good because we're opening

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Speaker 1: it up even bigger that it's effectively effort.

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Speaker 2: It's effectively effort. Okay, so that's great.

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Speaker 3: It's women are dolling up right, like we're putting an effort,

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Speaker 3: and we always hear that men appreciate when we put

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Speaker 3: an effort for a date, and women are saying the

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Speaker 3: same thing about men, like make sure that you're putting

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Speaker 3: an effort. Make sure that your version of dolling up,

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Speaker 3: which is take a shower, look presentable, make sure that

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Speaker 3: your nails are clean. It sounds so basic, and like

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Speaker 3: who what wouldn't be doing? It's a deal, are not dirty? Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I heard from my daughters all the way to people

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Speaker 3: all ages that have gone on dates prior of course

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Speaker 3: to us fixing them up, of just people that are

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Speaker 3: just not showing the effort. So I think through hygiene

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Speaker 3: head to toe that you put an effort.

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Speaker 1: It's true because I've also found that like once a

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Speaker 1: guy's locked in and really likes you, then all of

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Speaker 1: a sudden he's like you're finding that he's manscaping because

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Speaker 1: he's like sort of more intentional and more into the effort.

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Speaker 1: So that's good because we made a blanket general category

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Speaker 1: called effort that involves your appear efforts and involves the

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Speaker 1: plan that is flexible in its nature based on who

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Speaker 1: you're dealing with them where you are. Okay, so give

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Speaker 1: me another one.

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Speaker 3: I would say, effort on the date. So you want

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Speaker 3: to make sure that you're not well. First effort in

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Speaker 3: following up to make sure, like the day before the

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Speaker 3: date looking for is seeing you tomorrow, just something where

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Speaker 3: they know it's confirmed if it was scheduled before.

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Speaker 2: I love that. So effort is a big giant bucket.

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Speaker 1: And then you're going into effort into the plan, into

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Speaker 1: the appearance, and then into the communication about what you're yes,

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Speaker 1: the intent and also that you're excited.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it just sets the tone like you took the time,

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Speaker 2: you care. You have to almost treat it.

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Speaker 3: I mean it's more important than a business meeting because

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Speaker 3: it's your personal life. But it's like you have to

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Speaker 3: treat it as how you would attack a business meeting

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Speaker 3: right or something you'd go after that you really want,

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Speaker 3: you have the strategic plans the same thing. It's putting

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Speaker 3: in the effort to showing that you care, you're looking

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Speaker 3: forward to it. That quick text before the day before

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Speaker 3: as well as after the date. I think it's important

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Speaker 3: to say like had a great time or let me

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Speaker 3: know when you get home safe.

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Speaker 2: That's a big pro tip.

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Speaker 3: So on the date, you want to be plugged in, engaging,

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Speaker 3: be interesting and interested so it's not a monologue. It's

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Speaker 3: a dialogue. It's not an interrogation. It's just a nice

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Speaker 3: back and forth, staying in the moment, having a great conversation.

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Speaker 3: It's also being thoughtful, like if she seems cold by

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Speaker 3: baby saying like to the manager, can you turn down

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Speaker 3: the air?

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Speaker 2: Or was talking like making sure that she.

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Speaker 3: Feels like you're she's being heard, understood and that you're

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Speaker 3: being attended to her needs.

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Speaker 1: Also, I would say then, like I don't want to

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Speaker 1: be a coworker with this person, meaning I don't want

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Speaker 1: to be involved in the process of like the tables

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Speaker 1: at two top in between two other people that I'm

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Speaker 1: the one who's like that's a little weird. Like I

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Speaker 1: was out with a guy that he was gonna accept

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Speaker 1: with me who is public and doesn't need people to

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Speaker 1: my left of my right listening. You know, I'm at

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Speaker 1: a two top against the wall, and like then there's

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Speaker 1: two people on either side of me, you know, like,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like so key. I had to say hey,

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Speaker 1: like and I felt like I was now being the

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Speaker 1: man like to say, so, what table is it? I

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Speaker 1: had a guy once do advance work, like he walked

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Speaker 1: in earlier he went to see what the table. As

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Speaker 1: he came back, he texted me that I should go

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Speaker 1: on another entrance. There were a lot of people there.

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Speaker 1: Now that doesn't usually apply to most people, but as

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Speaker 1: knowing who I was, he had done some research on

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Speaker 1: who he was with and he didn't want me to

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Speaker 1: walk into a crowded entrance and it to be all

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Speaker 1: weird that I was going on a date and it

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Speaker 1: was public.

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Speaker 3: So it shows such respect and such thoughtfulness. They could

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Speaker 3: get there fifteen minutes earlier. Talk to the hostess, say hey,

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Speaker 3: I'd love a corner table. Obviously in advance to ask

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Speaker 3: for a corner table, ask for four top somewhere private

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Speaker 3: is great. But again, know your audience and know what's

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Speaker 3: a great ambience where can actually hear each other talking.

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Speaker 1: What about men who always like to sit facing the door,

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Speaker 1: But isn't that the better seat and you're supposed to

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Speaker 1: give the woman face the seat facing at or it

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Speaker 1: really doesn't matter, Does it matter?

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Speaker 2: I don't think it matters.

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Speaker 3: The biggest thing is that you're not distracted by your

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Speaker 3: head is on a swivel where you're looking at every

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Speaker 3: other person but your date.

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Speaker 2: Same with the phone.

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Speaker 3: If you have kids and you need to keep your

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Speaker 3: phone out, turn it upside down, maybe call your kids before,

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Speaker 3: just letting them know that you're going into a meal,

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Speaker 3: and only call if it need be.

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Speaker 1: I don't think you should turn it upside down. I

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Speaker 1: think I don't think it should be on the table.

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Speaker 3: Well, I'm saying upside down because sometimes people will put

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Speaker 3: it upside it and might not be appropriate to see

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Speaker 3: what's coming in.

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Speaker 1: No, I'm saying, but I don't even think it should

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Speaker 1: be on the table, because that's.

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Speaker 3: Fine, except for some people might say it is the

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Speaker 3: first time they having a babysitter. It might be nervous

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Speaker 3: about that, so it compromises turning it down. But I agree,

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Speaker 3: if possible, don't put it on the table.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, if.

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Speaker 1: That kind of thing called the restaurant, I think you

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Speaker 1: have to go old school there too.

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Speaker 3: The other thing is is that you, yeah, you don't

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Speaker 3: want to make sure you're on the phone. Look in

295
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Speaker 3: business mode. I don't care what business deal you have

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Speaker 3: to do. Everything can wait a couple hours. Like this

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Speaker 3: is an important you have to show that it's a

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Speaker 3: priority and that you're engaged in your conversation. So I

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Speaker 3: do think giving someone that the view is nice, But

300
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Speaker 3: if it might be better to have the worse views so

301
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Speaker 3: you're not distracted by seeing what's around you as well

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Speaker 3: and can be more engaged.

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Speaker 2: Depending on I'll take it to the next level.

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Speaker 1: I don't think when you get back from the bathroom,

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Speaker 1: the man should have, like had the urgency it'll pick

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Speaker 1: up his phone and look at it. So when you're

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Speaker 1: walking back to the table, he's looking at the phone.

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Speaker 2: I don't like that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I want him to be thinking about how great

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Speaker 1: the data is present, looking around, eating, eating a piece

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Speaker 1: of bread.

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Speaker 2: I'm not interested.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not interested in like he rushed to

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Speaker 1: get on the phone and second I went to the bathroom.

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Speaker 3: No, no, no, But if he forever is he should send

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Speaker 3: you a text saying I'm on a date with the

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Speaker 3: hottest woman tonight, or how did.

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Speaker 2: I get so lucky? Right?

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00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:18,480
Speaker 3: I did that well because you said that, or something

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00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:21,360
Speaker 3: yeah cute sexy like flirty text because that's kind of

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Speaker 3: fun play. Yeah, but yeah, I think phone needs to

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Speaker 3: be off. But if you are sending a text communication

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Speaker 3: before the date or after, you got to make sure

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Speaker 3: you're being mindful of your spelling. It's such a turn

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Speaker 3: off when people spell things wrong, and especially with autocorrect,

326
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Speaker 3: it's even send the wrong text.

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Speaker 2: Wow, or the name wrong.

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Speaker 3: I've had my name is spelled wrong. Yeah, you guys

329
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,000
Speaker 3: have to be thoughtful about things like that. Just again

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Speaker 3: just paying attention to the little things. But here's an

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Speaker 3: advanced move that most men unfortunately mess up.

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Speaker 2: If someone or the dates.

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00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,960
Speaker 3: Over ubers are being ordered if you're not sharing a

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00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:59,280
Speaker 3: car together, and sometimes people will leave the dates without

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Speaker 3: waiting for the woman's Uber. And I think it's such

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00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:06,400
Speaker 3: a class act. It happens all the time. What it's

337
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,640
Speaker 3: such a class act to wait until their uber arrives.

338
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Speaker 2: I would literally never speak to the person again.

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00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:12,120
Speaker 3: Never.

340
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Speaker 2: Back in the day, there was a cab and then

341
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Speaker 2: you could slide.

342
00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:17,600
Speaker 3: The gentleman could slide at twenty to the cab driver

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Speaker 3: saying make sure she gets home safe.

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Speaker 2: Nowadays, if someone's going.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I don't thinking her own Uber and paying

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Speaker 1: for it either.

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Speaker 3: By the way, well there's really no other there's not

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Speaker 3: a mechanism where you could gift an uber.

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Speaker 2: There's you can't call an uber for something. Yes, you

350
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Speaker 2: can put in your own Uber account.

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Speaker 3: They're two adress could but they you could do that yeah,

352
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:38,440
Speaker 3: of course they're sharing, but then you're sharing an uber.

353
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Speaker 2: No they're uber. Oh you can't have two ubers going

354
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Speaker 2: at the same time. You could for you and a kid.

355
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,240
Speaker 2: You call an uber, then you call it know the uber.

356
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Speaker 2: Now I see you're saying, so you first first you

357
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Speaker 2: call for them, and then you call that for you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

359
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Speaker 1: Yeah.

360
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Speaker 3: Most people just or most people are okay with their

361
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Speaker 3: having their ordering their own uber because what if they

362
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Speaker 3: don't want the person to know where they're going or

363
00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,240
Speaker 3: their address or whatever it could be. But I think

364
00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:04,320
Speaker 3: it's very polite to wait, and it is a pro

365
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:07,520
Speaker 3: tip because a lot of people don't have that. I

366
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,360
Speaker 3: think just ignoorance you. They don't know that that's not

367
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:11,440
Speaker 3: a polite thing to do. It's it always waits, So.

368
00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,840
Speaker 1: No wonder everybody fails miserably because we're still on the

369
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,480
Speaker 1: first date? Is the man ordering for the woman? Because

370
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:18,200
Speaker 1: I've seen it both ways, what would you like and

371
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:20,640
Speaker 1: then you say it? Or he asks what you would

372
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Speaker 1: like and then he orders for you. I do think

373
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,800
Speaker 1: that's a nice note that something a girl would tell

374
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Speaker 1: their girlfriend. It's not necessary, but I think it's a

375
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,080
Speaker 1: nice thing. He finds out what you want, he's not

376
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,640
Speaker 1: just saying we'll both have the blah. But I like

377
00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,680
Speaker 1: and I also think there should be a collaboration so

378
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:35,640
Speaker 1: you can find it if the person is a sharer,

379
00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:38,280
Speaker 1: because I'm a sharer and I like to say.

380
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,360
Speaker 2: Like, what do we want to get? But that's so fun.

381
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,160
Speaker 3: That's part of the whole thing is that's what I

382
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:43,960
Speaker 3: think that bond Like, let's share.

383
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:44,640
Speaker 2: How about this?

384
00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:45,080
Speaker 1: Yeah?

385
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:45,560
Speaker 2: I love it?

386
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:45,840
Speaker 1: Yeah?

387
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,200
Speaker 2: Like or like I was thinking of getting to this.

388
00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:48,880
Speaker 2: Do you like that?

389
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:50,400
Speaker 1: Because you could have a bite, like you don't have

390
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:53,080
Speaker 1: to push your thing on them or vice versa. But

391
00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:57,760
Speaker 1: collaborating and like what you're getting because it's interactive and

392
00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:59,200
Speaker 1: food's a great conversation piece.

393
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,600
Speaker 3: Why would it you And you could be playful for

394
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:04,560
Speaker 3: whatever reason you're not a share to say good because

395
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,919
Speaker 3: they'll have more more for me or something like that

396
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:09,560
Speaker 3: if they're not. But it is good to make it

397
00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:12,159
Speaker 3: a fun experience because it does bond you and it's

398
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,840
Speaker 3: kind of a happy thing to talk about too.

399
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:15,440
Speaker 2: It's like an icebreaker.

400
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,320
Speaker 1: Mine is always awkward because I always have to say

401
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:20,639
Speaker 1: I'm allergic to fish, and it has to get out

402
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:22,679
Speaker 1: of the way fast because if a guy might be

403
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,919
Speaker 1: interested in kissing me, a third of the menu is

404
00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:25,720
Speaker 1: off limits for him.

405
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, right, so that so that's a whole but that's

406
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:30,400
Speaker 3: it could be playful on how you, you know, spin

407
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,520
Speaker 3: that as well, how you present that one hundred percent.

408
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:34,719
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm just letting you know I'm definitely alerted

409
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:35,119
Speaker 1: to fish.

410
00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:36,040
Speaker 2: So good.

411
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,080
Speaker 1: So you're two minutes in, you're like, in the event

412
00:17:38,119 --> 00:17:40,439
Speaker 1: that we might kiss, fish is off the table.

413
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,400
Speaker 3: It's not right, no, but it's kind of a fun

414
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,399
Speaker 3: thing because they know they have to navigate around that

415
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:47,520
Speaker 3: menu and fast, and then I feel so selfish, like

416
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:48,960
Speaker 3: for the rest of their life, like if they want

417
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,240
Speaker 3: to be with me, they now cannot order fish at restaurants.

418
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:54,040
Speaker 2: Like it's a big sacrifice for people. You're worth it.

419
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:55,800
Speaker 2: So it's all good, Okay.

420
00:17:56,000 --> 00:18:00,000
Speaker 3: The other thing that's important is, so now you're leading

421
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:04,240
Speaker 3: the date, and you could say it's very uncomfortable when

422
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:07,280
Speaker 3: a guy asks the woman out for another date, because

423
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,800
Speaker 3: sometimes people will polite and say yes when they don't

424
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:12,040
Speaker 3: want to. So unless you really are vibing and you

425
00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:16,000
Speaker 3: already feel like it's kind of known that both people

426
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,120
Speaker 3: want it, it's so much better to say you could

427
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:20,119
Speaker 3: say I had such a wonderful time. I hope to

428
00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:22,359
Speaker 3: see you again, but not going to say detail and

429
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:23,919
Speaker 3: like assertive about it.

430
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,439
Speaker 2: Not like let's do this again. I'm around on Thursday.

431
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:30,560
Speaker 1: That's a great note because it's like putting the contract

432
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:33,119
Speaker 1: on the other person. You'd rather be like, get the

433
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:34,919
Speaker 1: vibe of if they also had a nice time, and

434
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,159
Speaker 1: then you tomorrow you say it or you call.

435
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:39,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, I had a wonderful time. I hope we could

436
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:39,760
Speaker 2: do this again.

437
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:42,040
Speaker 3: Just something chill, but not putting the pressure where they

438
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,280
Speaker 3: have to answer it, and it leaves a little bit

439
00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:46,840
Speaker 3: of a mystery. But I do think it's nice to say, well,

440
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:49,320
Speaker 3: you text me when you got home safe, because it

441
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:50,960
Speaker 3: shows that you care and you want to make sure

442
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:52,000
Speaker 3: they get home safe.

443
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,760
Speaker 2: And I think it's really a gentleman act to say,

444
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:56,760
Speaker 2: like tex to me when you get home. Mind you, well,

445
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,960
Speaker 2: let's take a step further. Even if you don't like

446
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:00,600
Speaker 2: the woman, why not say that just you have a.

447
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:04,200
Speaker 3: Good representation like the woman. It is so nice. That's

448
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:07,439
Speaker 3: the other thing, Like the ghosting has to stop. It

449
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:09,840
Speaker 3: is unbelievable. I know why people do it. They don't

450
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:12,320
Speaker 3: want to hurt somebody's feelings, so they would rather say

451
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:15,320
Speaker 3: I'm back with an AX or I just met someone,

452
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:17,960
Speaker 3: but it's not true. It's just they're not interested and

453
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,040
Speaker 3: they don't want to hurt someone's feelings. But they're gonna

454
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,840
Speaker 3: hurt someone's feelings more, and they're gonna make themselves look

455
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:25,640
Speaker 3: like an asshole by not following up. It's so much

456
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:30,120
Speaker 3: more attractive and just high class to say I said

457
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:33,240
Speaker 3: a wonderful time tonight on text or the next day.

458
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:34,280
Speaker 2: I've given it more thought.

459
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,720
Speaker 3: I really I feel more of a friendship than a

460
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,760
Speaker 3: romantic connection, and I'm really holding up for that. We

461
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,040
Speaker 3: both deserve that. Whoever gets you as super lucky. I

462
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,040
Speaker 3: wish you all the best. It's just such a class act.

463
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:45,000
Speaker 2: Go with the truth.

464
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:48,160
Speaker 1: I said to a guy that was I was set

465
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:50,359
Speaker 1: up with. I said to a guy that yeah, I said,

466
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:52,800
Speaker 1: I don't remember what I said. I said something like,

467
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,240
Speaker 1: you call it a couple times, you want to go

468
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,119
Speaker 1: out again, you're dragging it out. I just said I

469
00:19:56,160 --> 00:20:00,520
Speaker 1: think you're amazing, and I eventually said not then, but

470
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,560
Speaker 1: you know, I might know someone who's interesting, etc. I'm

471
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:04,960
Speaker 1: not sure if it's a fit, but I think you're

472
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,560
Speaker 1: wonderful and anyone's lucky to just what you said, look

473
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:10,160
Speaker 1: to have a human being and you get a good reputation.

474
00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:12,399
Speaker 1: You don't know who you might set up, but you

475
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:13,800
Speaker 1: don't know that maybe they might set you up with

476
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,600
Speaker 1: their best friend. Once they meet someone, they may keep

477
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:18,439
Speaker 1: you in mind. There's no reason to burn a bridge

478
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:19,240
Speaker 1: and be a jerk.

479
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,679
Speaker 3: Correct If you're a class act, they're gonna say, oh

480
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,760
Speaker 3: my gosh, I'm so bummy. He doesn't like me, but

481
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,159
Speaker 3: he's such a great guy. And they're gonna think of

482
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:28,880
Speaker 3: a girlfriend saying he doesn't like me, but he might

483
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:30,720
Speaker 3: like you and he's such a good guy. But if

484
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:32,960
Speaker 3: they someone thinks that you're in a relationship, you just

485
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:36,720
Speaker 3: totally cut yourself off from other opportunities and you're also lying.

486
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:39,040
Speaker 2: And it's just it's you don't need to do that.

487
00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:42,120
Speaker 3: Just get back to someone promptly, takes two seconds, as

488
00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:45,120
Speaker 3: in a text, say something warm, that's a sincere compliment,

489
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:48,840
Speaker 3: and done, it's over. Then making someone feel hurting their

490
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,600
Speaker 3: feelings and like it's painful.

491
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:51,920
Speaker 2: It's not necessary.

492
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:54,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not necessary, and you could cut them loose

493
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:55,480
Speaker 1: real fast and a nice way.

494
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:56,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's good.

495
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:58,520
Speaker 3: Karma points to do the right thing and just treat

496
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,720
Speaker 3: people how you want to be treated. Literally goes back

497
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,840
Speaker 3: down to kindergarten right of how you want to be treated,

498
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:06,160
Speaker 3: to treat people with that same kindness and that way,

499
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,560
Speaker 3: when it happens to you, you'll realize that you hope

500
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,000
Speaker 3: that that person would have handled it better themselves, like

501
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,439
Speaker 3: how you are handling other people.

502
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:15,320
Speaker 1: Well, same thing with business or a job interview when

503
00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:17,159
Speaker 1: someone just says like, it's not right, we're going with

504
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:17,720
Speaker 1: another person.

505
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,200
Speaker 2: Why leave you twisting in the wind for two weeks?

506
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:21,600
Speaker 2: So listen? So this works.

507
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:25,840
Speaker 1: Also, I've had one person on an app say to

508
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:31,040
Speaker 1: me that you match and you were texting I met someone.

509
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:32,920
Speaker 1: I think I'm going to give it a go, et cetera.

510
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,199
Speaker 1: And you're like, great, good for you. You're cheering for them.

511
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:36,960
Speaker 1: They're on an app. Yeah you don't even know them,

512
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:40,080
Speaker 1: but you're like yes, versus like ghosting you and texting.

513
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:41,320
Speaker 2: And then this has happened to me.

514
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,639
Speaker 1: I was out on the second date with someone that

515
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:48,560
Speaker 1: I really liked and there was another very good looking

516
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,720
Speaker 1: guy there and I happened to run into, oddly enough,

517
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:56,600
Speaker 1: a matchmaker, and she reached out to me later and

518
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:59,400
Speaker 1: said to me that that other guy, the guy number one,

519
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:01,920
Speaker 1: was it was it was the second date the other guy.

520
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,879
Speaker 1: She was like, that guy is a real catch and

521
00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:08,160
Speaker 1: he's interested in you, and I'd like to connect you. Now.

522
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:09,920
Speaker 1: I wasn't sure if guy number one was a player,

523
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:11,359
Speaker 1: if I was gonna be into him. I was still

524
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:15,200
Speaker 1: wide open. So I was like, great, guy number two

525
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,480
Speaker 1: was in fact a catch. She says to me, he

526
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:19,960
Speaker 1: wants your number and he wants to get together with you.

527
00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:20,720
Speaker 2: I look him up.

528
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:23,720
Speaker 1: He seems he's good looking, he's single, all the things.

529
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:28,119
Speaker 1: So now it took like for days, might have been

530
00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:29,600
Speaker 1: a week. I was like, he never reached out. She

531
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:31,159
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I think he's with his family. This

532
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:34,120
Speaker 1: is happening, blah blah blah. Okay bye, And he had

533
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,160
Speaker 1: my number because she had connected the two of us.

534
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:41,480
Speaker 1: Finally he texted me and no, mind you. Things had

535
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:43,080
Speaker 1: accelerated with the guy that I was on a second

536
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:44,560
Speaker 1: date with. Maybe by this time we had been to

537
00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:46,239
Speaker 1: like five days, and I was like, really into him,

538
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:47,240
Speaker 1: you could be into somebody.

539
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:51,160
Speaker 2: That might be him calling right now, literally talking about

540
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:52,119
Speaker 2: you right now. Call you back.

541
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,360
Speaker 1: I'm on the podcast, but not you. But the guy,

542
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:59,800
Speaker 1: I'll call you back. So I was on like fifth

543
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:06,040
Speaker 1: day with him, and this other guy texted me and said, hey,

544
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:09,480
Speaker 1: I think you're amazing and I'm really sorry. He owes

545
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:11,280
Speaker 1: me nothing. The only thing that happens is we were

546
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,760
Speaker 1: in a group text. He's interested, he's supposed to call me.

547
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,200
Speaker 1: I don't know him from Adam. He says, I'm really

548
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:20,480
Speaker 1: sorry I didn't reach out sooner. I reconnected with my

549
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:23,000
Speaker 1: ex and I really don't know what's going to happen,

550
00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:25,840
Speaker 1: but I would like to give this a shot. And

551
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,360
Speaker 1: I've said good for you. I hope it works out.

552
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:32,320
Speaker 1: And I said, so interesting when I met you that night.

553
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:34,840
Speaker 1: When I saw you that night, I was actually on

554
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:36,800
Speaker 1: the second day it was someone and now I think

555
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:40,119
Speaker 1: it's heating up a little bit. And so that was

556
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 1: like a very like we were both cheering. We didn't

557
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:43,880
Speaker 1: even know each other, but we were cheering for each other

558
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:45,560
Speaker 1: and it was like classy.

559
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:47,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, so nice.

560
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:51,200
Speaker 3: That's how more people need to do that, because that way,

561
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:53,840
Speaker 3: if whatever reason doesn't work out for him or you,

562
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,280
Speaker 3: you can reach out and the call will be so

563
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:58,600
Speaker 3: highly regarded because you ended it with a bow.

564
00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:01,200
Speaker 2: There's just a nice experience how you do anything is

565
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,320
Speaker 2: how you do everything. So be but that should be

566
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:04,000
Speaker 2: the norm.

567
00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:07,320
Speaker 1: Be classy and every aspect of it, whether it works,

568
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:10,160
Speaker 1: doesn't work, like her, don't like her, attracted, aren't attracted.

569
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,840
Speaker 1: Even if you're supposed to text her, you follow through.

570
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:14,840
Speaker 1: Even if you're not going, you fall through. Even if

571
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:16,359
Speaker 1: you go, you don't like it, you fall through. If

572
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,359
Speaker 1: you go, you like it, you fall through. Do the

573
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,560
Speaker 1: right thing the whole way through, you get it. It's

574
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,440
Speaker 1: it's smart. That's a great come back to.

575
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:26,280
Speaker 2: And no one knows that. No one knows that. Okay.

576
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:30,360
Speaker 3: Other thing pro tips on dates be everyone has their

577
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:33,320
Speaker 3: antenta up of how the way staff is treated right.

578
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:35,720
Speaker 3: It's just like the little things like don't treat anyone

579
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:40,400
Speaker 3: like the help. It's a total turn off on the date.

580
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:43,639
Speaker 3: You don't want to grill someone about their ex especially

581
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:45,640
Speaker 3: in a first date, like I know, sometimes it could

582
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:47,800
Speaker 3: be like more of a biography date where you're catching

583
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:50,320
Speaker 3: up on all aspects of life, but it's so much

584
00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:53,160
Speaker 3: more attractive, like in time you'll hear about people's pasts

585
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:56,240
Speaker 3: and things like that, but just stay focused on the present,

586
00:24:56,359 --> 00:24:58,240
Speaker 3: Like there's so many things to talk about besides having

587
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:01,159
Speaker 3: to just talk about who else they date or tales

588
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:01,679
Speaker 3: from X.

589
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:03,240
Speaker 2: It goes negative.

590
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,760
Speaker 3: The biggest thing is talk about like be happy, like

591
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:09,480
Speaker 3: don't complain about your kids, don't complain about you be happy.

592
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:13,399
Speaker 1: Yes, but I will say this, it is often unavoidable

593
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:17,760
Speaker 1: based on questions to not get into some version of

594
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 1: what you came from. But I would I'm going to

595
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:23,000
Speaker 1: color that in the lines and say be vague, but

596
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:26,159
Speaker 1: in a way that moves this conversation forward in a

597
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:28,520
Speaker 1: positive way, Like I think that was just a situation

598
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:30,840
Speaker 1: where I might have needed a little bit more freedom,

599
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:33,520
Speaker 1: and I'm looking for someone who you know, kind of

600
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:34,800
Speaker 1: is a little more alive.

601
00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:36,639
Speaker 2: So you're kind of talking about your expert.

602
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:39,000
Speaker 1: You're not like Joe used to take me out for

603
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,760
Speaker 1: dinner and we had a roman antic tize.

604
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 2: It's not like that.

605
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 1: It's a little more positive. You're paying it forward. I

606
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:48,520
Speaker 1: think you have to reference the past to be in reality.

607
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:51,680
Speaker 3: I try if someone's asked, it's more of an elevator

608
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:55,120
Speaker 3: speech where you land the ending, where you're not going

609
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 3: on and on and talking about where's the focus of

610
00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:00,159
Speaker 3: the conversation. If anything, it's two to three sentences and

611
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,760
Speaker 3: ends like I wish him all the best, and we're

612
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,600
Speaker 3: both and I'm looking forward to being my person.

613
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:09,560
Speaker 2: It's not talking to it, but that's different.

614
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:12,399
Speaker 1: I'm saying the way it informs the present, Like, you know,

615
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:15,560
Speaker 1: what were you were together for four years? That oh

616
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:18,160
Speaker 1: interesting that you didn't why you broke off your engagement,

617
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:20,720
Speaker 1: that's relevant. A person is also looking for rest dress,

618
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:22,879
Speaker 1: so you might be like, he lived far, it was

619
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:24,919
Speaker 1: really hard. I think it was amazing. I wish him

620
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:26,840
Speaker 1: the best. To your point, I'm looking for something a

621
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,480
Speaker 1: little closer. I'm looking for someone younger. I didn't want

622
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:32,560
Speaker 1: young kids. Whatever, if it informs this situation, it can

623
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 1: help this person learn about you.

624
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:35,240
Speaker 2: I think you can talk about the.

625
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:38,200
Speaker 3: Past, but you're not trash talking somebody never And you're

626
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:42,639
Speaker 3: also not romanticizing your ex. Correct, and you're not romanticizing.

627
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:44,560
Speaker 3: You're not trash shocking. But you're also not making it

628
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:48,320
Speaker 3: the focus of the conversation, not therapy. Yeah, it's now

629
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 3: you wanted to be like, I'm going to explain it

630
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,240
Speaker 3: from a contact standpoint, but then you're moving on and

631
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:53,560
Speaker 3: talking about other things.

632
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,399
Speaker 1: No, and you don't use it as a license to

633
00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:57,320
Speaker 1: keep going back to it, because you did it once.

634
00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:58,719
Speaker 2: Yes, you know what I mean.

635
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:00,280
Speaker 1: You said it once you got away with You're not

636
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:01,560
Speaker 1: now talking about rob.

637
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:04,320
Speaker 2: For two hours, right for sure? Okay, So now let's

638
00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:05,520
Speaker 2: say you go on a date.

639
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:07,520
Speaker 3: You have a great date, you have good follow up,

640
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:10,400
Speaker 3: she got home safe, you're setting your texting.

641
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,920
Speaker 2: I'd love to see you again, and what works for you? Well,

642
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 2: hold on before we even do that.

643
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:16,840
Speaker 1: I don't think enough people say thank you on the

644
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:18,920
Speaker 1: date either I know where you're going, and I don't

645
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:21,080
Speaker 1: think the bill comes thank you so much it was

646
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:24,320
Speaker 1: so amazing, like, or you look nice like.

647
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:28,640
Speaker 3: I think compliments are not given enough in general. Genuine

648
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:30,960
Speaker 3: compliments should be given one hundred percent.

649
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:34,359
Speaker 1: Even about a car, you're clothes like you could go

650
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:36,879
Speaker 1: into a mansion. Don't act like you're not jaded just

651
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:38,479
Speaker 1: because you know the person's rich or hasn't. I that's

652
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:42,240
Speaker 1: a nice wild like, be complimentary in every way. Everybody's insecure,

653
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:42,920
Speaker 1: That's what I think.

654
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:45,919
Speaker 3: And it could be physical compliments, it could be compliment

655
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:48,720
Speaker 3: with what someone said, but it is really nice to

656
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,920
Speaker 3: be complimented. It also does let people's guard down, like, Okay,

657
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 3: that person likes what they're seeing, so it is a reinforcement,

658
00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:01,560
Speaker 3: reinforcement amazing. Yeah, I think that's good. But the other

659
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:05,320
Speaker 3: thing is after a date, I would say the next day.

660
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:07,760
Speaker 3: And this is more for women, but it is nice

661
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,199
Speaker 3: for a woman to send a text saying thank you

662
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:12,160
Speaker 3: so much. I had a really nice time at dinner

663
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:14,520
Speaker 3: to thank you, because men don't hear that enough and

664
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,720
Speaker 3: that gives buying signals for them to make the next move.

665
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:20,520
Speaker 2: Yes, but I'm gonna revise that. I'm gonna say that night,

666
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:21,679
Speaker 2: you have the next day, you like it? You like

667
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:22,119
Speaker 2: it that night?

668
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:24,439
Speaker 1: No, because the next day is a new day, and

669
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:26,400
Speaker 1: the girl feels like she's being a little desperate and

670
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:28,879
Speaker 1: if a guy is a gameplay or insecured all, he

671
00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:30,000
Speaker 1: might think she's doing that.

672
00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:32,840
Speaker 2: And I think that night it doesn't count. It's like,

673
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:33,960
Speaker 2: so let's revise it.

674
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:36,440
Speaker 3: That that night when they're when the guy says, do

675
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:39,120
Speaker 3: me favor, tell me you get home safe, she sends

676
00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:42,240
Speaker 3: the text saying I got home safe and thanks for dinner.

677
00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:44,560
Speaker 1: But maybe he didn't say that because he might not.

678
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 1: You Still it still counts. It's that night, thanks so much,

679
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:49,960
Speaker 1: that was really fun. Have they to do that?

680
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:53,560
Speaker 3: Yes, it's it goes a class act and then the

681
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:55,320
Speaker 3: biggest thing is is though the guy has to go

682
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:59,080
Speaker 3: back to having a plan because you can't wait weeks

683
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:02,000
Speaker 3: and have a lull. A guy might really like someone

684
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:04,400
Speaker 3: but then think, oh, I'm busy, I'm going to wait

685
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:04,880
Speaker 3: two weeks.

686
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 2: I got this. But a woman is not going to

687
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:10,400
Speaker 2: put up with a guy that's not keeping momentum, making

688
00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:13,560
Speaker 2: an effort and making sure that they're setting time to

689
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:15,920
Speaker 2: see someone again. It signals they're.

690
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:18,800
Speaker 3: Either dating too many people, or they're not really interested,

691
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:20,800
Speaker 3: or there's they're dating someone else.

692
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:23,640
Speaker 1: Okay, so let's make it this because I think, yes,

693
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:26,720
Speaker 1: a new plan, but I think that let's call it

694
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:29,440
Speaker 1: within the next two to three days. The man should

695
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:31,560
Speaker 1: express interest for the next plan. He may not know

696
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:33,880
Speaker 1: his exact calendar, he may have a custody schedule, but

697
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:35,720
Speaker 1: he should be like, I would really like to get

698
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:36,320
Speaker 1: together again.

699
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:38,479
Speaker 2: Let me get back to you with my can. There

700
00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:38,920
Speaker 2: should be.

701
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:42,720
Speaker 1: Some the ball has moved forward in some way with intention. Correct,

702
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 1: he is expressing his intention to want to see someone.

703
00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:48,600
Speaker 3: But if he says I'll go back to a couple

704
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 3: of days, he needs to get back in a couple

705
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 3: of days. He is to be like the person that

706
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 3: he says he's going he has to do what he

707
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:58,160
Speaker 3: says he's going to do, because he's also not attractive

708
00:29:58,200 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 3: if he says he's going to do something and then

709
00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:01,080
Speaker 3: he does, and like I'll get back to you on

710
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:02,480
Speaker 3: Wednesday and now it's Friday.

711
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:04,360
Speaker 2: That's that's not cool.

712
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 1: No, he also can't say on the let's say we

713
00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:10,560
Speaker 1: went out on Saturday and it's the Monday, let's get together.

714
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 1: You're getting together Saturday, and he's completely silent until Saturday

715
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:17,800
Speaker 1: at four o'clock afternoon. That is you get insecure. He

716
00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:21,560
Speaker 1: forgot there needs to be a thread between right, the.

717
00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:24,960
Speaker 3: Day before is amazing to say, looking worth seeing you

718
00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 3: tomorrow night. And remember to tell the person where they're

719
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:30,040
Speaker 3: going so they know how to dress.

720
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:32,720
Speaker 2: Facts, because what am I wearing? Am I wearing jeans?

721
00:30:32,800 --> 00:30:34,680
Speaker 2: And it's like a casual place is a dressy?

722
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,440
Speaker 3: Are we eating outside or walking a lot where I

723
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:39,120
Speaker 3: have to be careful what shoes I'm wearing.

724
00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:41,920
Speaker 1: I'm always starting you might have a plan that day. Also,

725
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:44,120
Speaker 1: just women get anxiety. They just want to know something

726
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:46,680
Speaker 1: to like make a plan even we need to calms

727
00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 1: us down.

728
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, we need to know because we're planning our outfit

729
00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 3: like days and the second you ask us out, we're

730
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:53,800
Speaker 3: planning our outfit, like what are we going to wear.

731
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:55,920
Speaker 2: And what you're doing that day and time to get home.

732
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 3: It's not loose correct, So that is like a big

733
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:01,320
Speaker 3: thing that guys need to do is have a little

734
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:04,440
Speaker 3: bit more. But I do think that it's I mean,

735
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:07,320
Speaker 3: if I was a guy, I would have the best

736
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:11,400
Speaker 3: restaurants already, like on lockdown, like a month in advance,

737
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:13,880
Speaker 3: so you have great ideas and options so that when

738
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:16,920
Speaker 3: you are making a date, you have great tables even reserved,

739
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 3: or a great or experiences, whether it's a concert or

740
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:21,000
Speaker 3: do cool fun things.

741
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:22,720
Speaker 2: It just requires planning.

742
00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:26,640
Speaker 3: If you think about you know, Christmas time, most people

743
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:28,440
Speaker 3: know to get the best resort and to get the

744
00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:31,760
Speaker 3: best of everything, you need to plan a year in

745
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:35,720
Speaker 3: advance to know what you're doing next Christmas time, right,

746
00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:37,640
Speaker 3: So it's the same thing. If you want to have

747
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:41,360
Speaker 3: the best experiences or if you care about ambiance, you

748
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:43,560
Speaker 3: care about making sure that you have something.

749
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,880
Speaker 2: The more you could plan in advance is so attractive.

750
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 3: And if you know that, then if you don't have

751
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:50,600
Speaker 3: a date, you cancel it within the time frame to

752
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:53,680
Speaker 3: cancel the reservation. But there's nothing wrong with being that

753
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:57,400
Speaker 3: strategic and proactive and putting and also putting to the universe,

754
00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:58,960
Speaker 3: Like I'm going to go on some really great dates

755
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:00,880
Speaker 3: and making some great reservations.

756
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:05,040
Speaker 1: I have a big one because I have gotten feedback

757
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:08,320
Speaker 1: from so many men on this. Now I'm like thought

758
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:11,040
Speaker 1: of as funny, so we're gonna put that to the side.

759
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:17,240
Speaker 1: But as what happens with me is men are like

760
00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:22,120
Speaker 1: dying to make me laugh, like they find when I'm laughing,

761
00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:25,760
Speaker 1: like it really is a bigger ego boost. And saying

762
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:28,240
Speaker 1: they're handsome, they have a big peanut, like it doesn't

763
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 1: matter what you're rich, you're perfect, you're smart.

764
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:31,920
Speaker 2: Smart is a big one.

765
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:34,440
Speaker 1: Making someone feel like a man and validated and all

766
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:38,080
Speaker 1: that stuff. But like I would say this is for women,

767
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:40,520
Speaker 1: but just an insight into men.

768
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 2: And like the.

769
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:45,680
Speaker 1: Humor has to be found in the date by both parties,

770
00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:48,080
Speaker 1: so give us to men too. Like the humor in

771
00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:51,200
Speaker 1: the date is critical. It could literally make the difference.

772
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:54,760
Speaker 1: Everybody wants to laugh, everybody wants to think something is funny,

773
00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:57,480
Speaker 1: and so finding the humor in the date to me

774
00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:03,040
Speaker 1: for me is absolutely critical. So for example, I remember

775
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:07,160
Speaker 1: asking a guy. I asked a guy what his worst

776
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:10,120
Speaker 1: dating story has been like, and I told my worst

777
00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:12,280
Speaker 1: like Hall of Fame bad. And then I said to

778
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:15,880
Speaker 1: him rate it, rate mine, and he said forrest and

779
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:19,760
Speaker 1: holy shit, for what the hell is yours? And he

780
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:22,000
Speaker 1: told me the crazy story and we were crying laughing,

781
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:27,640
Speaker 1: but he felt like very validated and very Yeah, it

782
00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:29,640
Speaker 1: felt like a big man on campus because he had

783
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:32,600
Speaker 1: like a big, good funny story. So bring in the nuts.

784
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:34,960
Speaker 1: Guys are guys and guys are animals, so you can't

785
00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:37,360
Speaker 1: be too serious with them. And this is more for women,

786
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:40,240
Speaker 1: but it's for both because I want like men to

787
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:42,360
Speaker 1: know too the like the playfulness is on both sides.

788
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:43,960
Speaker 2: The humor is on both sides. Yeah.

789
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:45,880
Speaker 3: I was about to say, if people don't feel like

790
00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 3: they're funny, then go lean in on playful, because I

791
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:51,600
Speaker 3: think the biggest thing is don't be so stereily we're

792
00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:53,440
Speaker 3: just talking about work, or you're just talking about like

793
00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:57,400
Speaker 3: the mundane things. Find the situational humor, have a good

794
00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:58,760
Speaker 3: exchange of stories.

795
00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:00,280
Speaker 2: Everybody can be funny.

796
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:04,920
Speaker 1: They don't have to be traditionally funny. That the way

797
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:08,840
Speaker 1: that they dryly respond to someone funny I'll be with

798
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 1: guys that are never would never be called funny, but

799
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:14,719
Speaker 1: they're funny around me because of like their reaction of

800
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:15,920
Speaker 1: something I would do.

801
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:17,000
Speaker 2: Like so it's a quick wit.

802
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:19,400
Speaker 3: It's like their response, it's like how they're de It

803
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:21,440
Speaker 3: could be dry, it could be nothing, but it's funny

804
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:23,399
Speaker 3: because because of the way, like there can't be two

805
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 3: clowns in the circus.

806
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 2: Like it could also just be good banter.

807
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:28,480
Speaker 3: It's just the biggest point is just make sure you're

808
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:31,280
Speaker 3: being playful with each other where you're.

809
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:47,680
Speaker 1: Like engaging with each other. I'd like to talk about

810
00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:50,479
Speaker 1: the pen pal. I don't want to be a pen pal,

811
00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 1: Like not for five minutes.

812
00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:52,919
Speaker 2: I really don't.

813
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:54,640
Speaker 1: It's called I had a great time. If you meet,

814
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:57,560
Speaker 1: that's so funny. I just ate a cheeseburger. Send me

815
00:34:57,560 --> 00:34:58,680
Speaker 1: a picture of a cheeseburger.

816
00:34:58,960 --> 00:34:59,879
Speaker 2: Lol. My dog.

817
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:01,640
Speaker 1: First of all, I don't give a shit about your

818
00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:03,200
Speaker 1: dog all day long. Is a guy who I knew

819
00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 1: from twenty years ago, who still is in love with me.

820
00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:07,680
Speaker 1: I don't even care about his dog now. I don't

821
00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:09,960
Speaker 1: want to see pictures of your dog. I'm not interested.

822
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:13,640
Speaker 1: I am so emphatic. This could be my biggest one

823
00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:16,600
Speaker 1: of all time and someone that you introduced me to.

824
00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:20,360
Speaker 2: Remember, like, I don't want a fucking pen pal. Let's

825
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:22,960
Speaker 2: move the board. We're doing it. We're not something. Text

826
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:23,399
Speaker 2: me later.

827
00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:27,040
Speaker 1: Move the You should keep in touch and correspond, like,

828
00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:31,399
Speaker 1: I hope your day is going well. That's fine because

829
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:32,880
Speaker 1: you already have a plan on the board. You know

830
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:35,880
Speaker 1: you have a plan. Hope your day's going well, gorgeous

831
00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:37,719
Speaker 1: day out here. Once you have a plan, you can

832
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:40,640
Speaker 1: be a light pen pal and then yeah, look forward

833
00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:43,680
Speaker 1: to seeing you Saturday. That's like the utter light pen pal.

834
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:46,120
Speaker 1: But I'm not looking for a pen pald Er Well,

835
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:46,880
Speaker 1: I think it's.

836
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:49,000
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, until your until your relationship.

837
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:51,080
Speaker 3: It's it's it's the point of you want to make

838
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:55,240
Speaker 3: sure you're not over communicating and becoming clingy and needy.

839
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:57,040
Speaker 2: It's just not attractive.

840
00:35:57,080 --> 00:36:01,719
Speaker 1: I like, I'm referring to the casualness of we're now penthals.

841
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:02,839
Speaker 2: We don't even have a on.

842
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 3: The board, right no, no, no, well oh yeah yeah,

843
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:06,919
Speaker 3: that's like a no no that should not exist.

844
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:10,240
Speaker 2: I that's that everybody does that. Yeah.

845
00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:13,200
Speaker 3: I mean, look, I'm always like people don't mind readers.

846
00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:15,319
Speaker 3: They don't know, so maybe there's things you need to

847
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:19,279
Speaker 3: shit say, like lookfore like setting a date. I don't know,

848
00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:21,640
Speaker 3: you might need to say something if that happens, if

849
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:25,640
Speaker 3: someone's listening to the thing. Because some people do like

850
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:29,359
Speaker 3: it and they like the bonding and getting to know someone,

851
00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:31,040
Speaker 3: so I think it's more of a personal thing. But

852
00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:34,480
Speaker 3: I think that it's when you're writing novels and you're texting.

853
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:36,480
Speaker 3: I think the biggest thing is like text should be

854
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:40,560
Speaker 3: about small things, not about bonding and communicating. It's more

855
00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:44,399
Speaker 3: about logistics or confirming or setting a cute, flirty, warm text.

856
00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:47,359
Speaker 3: It shouldn't be novels or mundane things like you said

857
00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:50,000
Speaker 3: about I just ate cheeseburger. Here's a picture of my cheeseburger.

858
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:52,120
Speaker 3: Look my dad, my dog's doing the cues thing. Un

859
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:54,000
Speaker 3: till you're in a relationship that it makes sense. But

860
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:56,959
Speaker 3: I agree it should just be curbed. I also think

861
00:36:57,760 --> 00:37:00,680
Speaker 3: before you know someone, you should not be saying pictures

862
00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:03,680
Speaker 3: like shirtless pictures or asking people send me a pic

863
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:07,759
Speaker 3: of you. I think it's just really distasteful. If you're

864
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:10,120
Speaker 3: on an app, you already saw each other's photos. There's

865
00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:12,759
Speaker 3: no reason to send more, and it could be just

866
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:14,760
Speaker 3: a total turn off. It's like tacky.

867
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 1: I think it's just I think text needs to be

868
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 1: used as a tool just now something rely on that

869
00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:24,799
Speaker 1: weakness that you're relying on your back and forth now

870
00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:28,680
Speaker 1: you're like in a dialogue, nor like it shouldn't be

871
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:31,400
Speaker 1: like a crutch, like just a bridge to get us

872
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:33,359
Speaker 1: to when I feel like I'm gonna ask you out again.

873
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:35,520
Speaker 2: I don't like that. It really bothers me.

874
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:39,520
Speaker 1: And I've had a situation where a relationship that ended

875
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:42,400
Speaker 1: up being great could have not worked because of it

876
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:45,799
Speaker 1: because I was like, put some fun, put that, And

877
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:47,719
Speaker 1: it could be something going on with the person where

878
00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:50,439
Speaker 1: they're going to a bad divorce, they're with their kids,

879
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:52,640
Speaker 1: and they're not sharing with you why it's happening.

880
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:54,840
Speaker 2: But you're there, You're like, this guy doesn't even what

881
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:55,399
Speaker 2: does he think?

882
00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:58,239
Speaker 1: And it's a very bad communication tool and you have

883
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:00,920
Speaker 1: to find a confident way to break through it to

884
00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:05,160
Speaker 1: be like I really like you. This communication style isn't

885
00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:08,480
Speaker 1: isn't working from you. You have to like pat it and

886
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:11,239
Speaker 1: you have to dip it in frosting, and you can't

887
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:14,080
Speaker 1: you know, you can't say something rude like I don't

888
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:15,440
Speaker 1: want to be your pem popc as it could turn

889
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:18,680
Speaker 1: someone up. It's very hard to land and because people

890
00:38:18,719 --> 00:38:21,160
Speaker 1: say stop texting them back and then they'll call you,

891
00:38:21,239 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 1: it doesn't work like that. If you don't text, it's

892
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:24,879
Speaker 1: the new communication. So if you don't text them back,

893
00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:26,520
Speaker 1: they're going to think you don't like them. You have

894
00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:30,040
Speaker 1: to find a way to verbalize to them. And we're

895
00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 1: back to women again, because that's who we are. You

896
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:35,319
Speaker 1: have to find a way to verbalize to them that

897
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:39,799
Speaker 1: it's not your favorite communication style at this stage. Better

898
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:41,319
Speaker 1: to maybe get on the phone or make a plan,

899
00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:42,719
Speaker 1: like you have to get the words up.

900
00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:45,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think there's a way to say where you

901
00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:48,839
Speaker 3: could again like kiss punch, but it's more like you

902
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:52,000
Speaker 3: have to be You do have to maybe sugarcoat it,

903
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:55,200
Speaker 3: but it is important. If it's a pet peeve of

904
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:58,120
Speaker 3: somebody's it's important to say, hey, I like you, but

905
00:38:58,239 --> 00:39:01,040
Speaker 3: this communication I'm not a texture. So looking forward to

906
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 3: setting a date or like if someone's texting it, you

907
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:05,799
Speaker 3: just are like I want to now start my night,

908
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:06,799
Speaker 3: or like I can't do this.

909
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:08,000
Speaker 2: I always just say.

910
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:11,440
Speaker 3: To putting my phone down, have a great night or

911
00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:14,360
Speaker 3: something like that, or about about to drive talk you know,

912
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:17,359
Speaker 3: have a great night. Something that signals, okay, we're done

913
00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:19,680
Speaker 3: with this chain, because people will just keep going on

914
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:19,920
Speaker 3: and not.

915
00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:23,879
Speaker 2: I also, it doesn't matter and you can get through it.

916
00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:27,480
Speaker 1: But if it goes on too long, but the person

917
00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:32,480
Speaker 1: has a very long delay in texting you back, it's

918
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:36,960
Speaker 1: a problem. You'll see how they text their kids. You'll

919
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,360
Speaker 1: see that they are texters. And I'll tell you something,

920
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:44,200
Speaker 1: whether it's Steve Cohen or Mark Cuban or the most

921
00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:49,279
Speaker 1: successful people in the world, you know, text me back immediately.

922
00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:54,680
Speaker 1: People that are successful and smart and secure text back immediately.

923
00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,239
Speaker 1: It's the way of twenty twenty foor. It's extremely rare.

924
00:39:57,280 --> 00:39:58,120
Speaker 1: You're an adoctor.

925
00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:01,200
Speaker 2: You're taking ant like it's late night.

926
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:03,920
Speaker 1: Yes, obviously people don't have a phone attached them, but

927
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:07,800
Speaker 1: people do text back. And I've only found this because

928
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:11,080
Speaker 1: I found that the people that don't then later somehow

929
00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:13,040
Speaker 1: you jolt it, you get in a relationship, but then

930
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:15,920
Speaker 1: they're texting you every second like it's kind of a scam.

931
00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:19,440
Speaker 1: You're either playing a game or something's going on. It's

932
00:40:19,440 --> 00:40:21,759
Speaker 1: just it's a it's a flag. It may not be pinking,

933
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 1: may i'd be read it is a flag. So men,

934
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:27,040
Speaker 1: set your intention, set your pace from the beginning, whatever

935
00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:27,759
Speaker 1: it's going to be.

936
00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 2: But you can't be haphazard about it because it becomes

937
00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:32,960
Speaker 2: a signal and a sign Yeah, and I agree.

938
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 3: Then it's game planing, Like wait a minute, you were

939
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 3: soting to me before and you always texted me, and

940
00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:40,680
Speaker 3: now there's all these lulls and it does make like

941
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:43,919
Speaker 3: it does you know, our intents are up and we're

942
00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:47,040
Speaker 3: smarter than that, so it is important to not play games.

943
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:50,120
Speaker 2: And same with love bombing. I think the same thing implies.

944
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:55,920
Speaker 1: What about establishing, defining and communicating what your communication style is,

945
00:40:56,520 --> 00:40:59,240
Speaker 1: so at least someone understands you could be a doctor

946
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:01,640
Speaker 1: and you like, I don't really text a lot during

947
00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:01,880
Speaker 1: the day.

948
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:04,680
Speaker 2: There are exceptions like or I.

949
00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:06,400
Speaker 1: You know something like that, or I really am not

950
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:08,680
Speaker 1: good on text some people are.

951
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:09,600
Speaker 2: During the day, I'm not.

952
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:12,359
Speaker 3: I think it's the same thing, Like it's just communicating

953
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:14,680
Speaker 3: and just being upfront by saying one thing that's important

954
00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:16,959
Speaker 3: for you to know about me. I don't text during

955
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 3: the day, yeah, Or I'm not a big text or

956
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:21,360
Speaker 3: I don't love that kind of communication.

957
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:23,360
Speaker 2: And there's a playful way you could.

958
00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:25,560
Speaker 3: Say that to someone whether on a date or in

959
00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:28,759
Speaker 3: a text to say so love that you're reaching out,

960
00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 3: but I'm so much better.

961
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:31,120
Speaker 2: I'm so much more of a phone girl.

962
00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:33,600
Speaker 3: Or I just I prefer just setting a plan and

963
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:34,560
Speaker 3: getting to know you better.

964
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:37,200
Speaker 1: Or when when I'm with my kids, I'm not, I

965
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:40,080
Speaker 1: don't text. So something that just gives you something, Yeah,

966
00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:41,160
Speaker 1: because we listen to everything.

967
00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:43,440
Speaker 2: So I think that's good. You said love bombing.

968
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:48,240
Speaker 3: I just think it's still a thing, and I don't

969
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:52,440
Speaker 3: know if people are just over using that label, but

970
00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:55,360
Speaker 3: I think what happens is someone might genuinely be excited

971
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:58,719
Speaker 3: about someone or they like that phase, like the adrenaline

972
00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:01,239
Speaker 3: rush of love bombing, and then when it settles into

973
00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:05,319
Speaker 3: the real thing, then they exit out. So I just

974
00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:07,439
Speaker 3: think that people have to be really careful, like you said,

975
00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:10,200
Speaker 3: set the stage of your intention, because if you can't

976
00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:15,120
Speaker 3: keep up with that pace, we're gonna notice that there's

977
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:18,759
Speaker 3: a shift in your communication style or in yours.

978
00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:21,080
Speaker 2: It's not gonna end. Well, that's a good note, but

979
00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:22,080
Speaker 2: even otherwise.

980
00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:23,719
Speaker 1: There was a guy this summer that I went out

981
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:26,320
Speaker 1: with and he loved bogged me immediately and it turned

982
00:42:26,360 --> 00:42:28,279
Speaker 1: me off. Now I don't believe that he was right.

983
00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:29,440
Speaker 1: I mean, I know that he wasn't right for me,

984
00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:31,879
Speaker 1: and I wouldn't have ended up with him, but there

985
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 1: was such a vibe on it that it was like

986
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:35,799
Speaker 1: ick and it put on me.

987
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:39,080
Speaker 2: Like he'd be like, oh, hey, good.

988
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:41,719
Speaker 1: Morning or something, and I'd be like I didn't really

989
00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:45,120
Speaker 1: sleep well and he'd say, oh, well, usually when you

990
00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:48,080
Speaker 1: meet when Cupid's arrow hits, you would have a good

991
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:51,759
Speaker 1: night's sleep, like assigning to me that I'm supposed to

992
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:53,480
Speaker 1: feel a certain weight based on that we had gone

993
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:54,200
Speaker 1: out for a good date.

994
00:42:54,239 --> 00:42:56,600
Speaker 2: And then I felt like almost like emotionally attacked.

995
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:59,279
Speaker 1: It was like subtle, but it was like yeah, and

996
00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:01,759
Speaker 1: I'm like yeah, no, I just you know, I just

997
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:03,640
Speaker 1: haven't had a good nights to be like ooh, someone's

998
00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:05,960
Speaker 1: not great in the morning. Like it was almost like

999
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:08,680
Speaker 1: assigning all this stuff to me, and it really turned

1000
00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:11,000
Speaker 1: me off. It was like I felt like someone was

1001
00:43:11,040 --> 00:43:13,680
Speaker 1: like suffocating me so fast. It was like a different

1002
00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:15,239
Speaker 1: version of love vomb me. He wasn't like, let's one

1003
00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:17,880
Speaker 1: vacation and he wasn't to me to keep saying that,

1004
00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:20,440
Speaker 1: but yeah, just like put his own shit on me,

1005
00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 1: and I was like, get off.

1006
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:22,800
Speaker 2: You're on my jock.

1007
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:27,480
Speaker 3: It's too much. Yeah, too much, too fast, over communicating.

1008
00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:31,239
Speaker 3: Oversharing is a turnoff. It just it sounds like he

1009
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:33,239
Speaker 3: was just giving you shit, like he was trying to

1010
00:43:33,239 --> 00:43:34,600
Speaker 3: be funny and it wasn't funny.

1011
00:43:35,160 --> 00:43:36,839
Speaker 2: Yeah. I had two guys like that too.

1012
00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:38,560
Speaker 1: That Like you got on the phone one time, We

1013
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:41,840
Speaker 1: did FaceTime one time, then like, okay, I'm going.

1014
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:43,239
Speaker 2: Into a meeting. We just talked for fifteen minutes and

1015
00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:44,719
Speaker 2: he'd be like, I'm going to a meeting. Okay, great.

1016
00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:46,759
Speaker 2: Then the minute he's out, he's texting me we haven't

1017
00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:47,920
Speaker 2: been on a date. You're like, I don't want to

1018
00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 2: talk to you all day. I don't know you, and

1019
00:43:49,239 --> 00:43:51,440
Speaker 2: it's weird. That's why it's so much better when you

1020
00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:53,800
Speaker 2: know someone it's not the date. I agree.

1021
00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:57,239
Speaker 3: It's almost like sometimes people get insecure when you don't

1022
00:43:57,280 --> 00:43:59,160
Speaker 3: when someone doesn't want to do that. But I always

1023
00:43:59,239 --> 00:44:02,560
Speaker 3: try to educate that when you meet someone, it's more

1024
00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:06,719
Speaker 3: healthy when there's a real connection between two people and

1025
00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:10,560
Speaker 3: then it's a natural communication out of their relationship versus

1026
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:12,200
Speaker 3: just falsely wanting to.

1027
00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:14,959
Speaker 2: Have a communication with somebody. It's like a placeholder.

1028
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:18,120
Speaker 1: Well, I think it's like people are dying for a relationship,

1029
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:20,920
Speaker 1: so they won't want cheate a relationship, like you start

1030
00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:23,680
Speaker 1: talking to them. It's the opposite of like ghosting. It's

1031
00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:25,719
Speaker 1: like immediately we're now in a relationship. We had a

1032
00:44:25,719 --> 00:44:28,840
Speaker 1: good correspondence, or we texted right now in each other's

1033
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 1: lives fully in some way, or even after a date,

1034
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:34,000
Speaker 1: like we had a good date, congratulations, Like we're not

1035
00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:36,360
Speaker 1: in a relationship the day after because you were attracted

1036
00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:39,880
Speaker 1: to me because I look hot, because you're successful and smart,

1037
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:42,280
Speaker 1: Like does it You can't like rush a relationship.

1038
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:43,319
Speaker 2: We're not in a relationship.

1039
00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:47,799
Speaker 3: No, And I think that that's great to show the confidence,

1040
00:44:48,320 --> 00:44:51,000
Speaker 3: not the arrogance, but the confidence of just let it

1041
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:53,520
Speaker 3: be a slow burn. No one needs to be in

1042
00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 3: a hurry, because when it's streeks of desperation, when you're

1043
00:44:56,600 --> 00:45:00,359
Speaker 3: pushing and pressing so so much, that's the word.

1044
00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:05,400
Speaker 2: This would be under the desperation category, and that's an it. Yeah.

1045
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:10,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, the glove buttoning is desperate. Pushing your program is desperate.

1046
00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:13,880
Speaker 1: Too many plans too soon is desperate. Too much correspondence

1047
00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:14,879
Speaker 1: is desperate too much.

1048
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:18,400
Speaker 2: Check all of that. That's exactly yeah, right, So that

1049
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:19,120
Speaker 2: to be trusted.

1050
00:45:19,719 --> 00:45:22,960
Speaker 3: No, well, that's the thing, is it just I think

1051
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:26,080
Speaker 3: that it's like shows the pattern of insecure and not

1052
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:30,440
Speaker 3: a healthy dynamic of a relationship. And sometimes men just

1053
00:45:30,480 --> 00:45:33,040
Speaker 3: can't be alone, so they just want to do that

1054
00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:34,640
Speaker 3: because they need to be your relationship.

1055
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:36,800
Speaker 2: But that's not healthy and that's not healthy for the person.

1056
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:39,640
Speaker 3: So make sure that you just take the time to

1057
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:43,920
Speaker 3: be thoughtful and again, like just operate with being authentic

1058
00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:45,879
Speaker 3: and not just in a hurry, because it is such

1059
00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:46,400
Speaker 3: a turnoff.

1060
00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:50,080
Speaker 2: Okay, so let's talk about I call it manic.

1061
00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:54,959
Speaker 1: So I've been in two different scenarios where I think

1062
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:58,000
Speaker 1: it's like real and it is real. I don't think

1063
00:45:58,040 --> 00:46:01,480
Speaker 1: it's really it's real equally as real as one another.

1064
00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:06,480
Speaker 1: And in one scenario, you fall for a person very

1065
00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:09,279
Speaker 1: not that quickly, but in a reasonable couple of months,

1066
00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:13,680
Speaker 1: let's say. But it doesn't feel manic. It feels like

1067
00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:16,760
Speaker 1: you're going deeper into a yoga post or massaging or needing.

1068
00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:20,600
Speaker 1: And in other scenarios it's equally as like, oh my god,

1069
00:46:20,680 --> 00:46:23,560
Speaker 1: this is it. But it feels manic. You feel like

1070
00:46:23,560 --> 00:46:25,880
Speaker 1: you're a little exasperated, you feel like you can't breathe.

1071
00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:29,239
Speaker 1: You feel like a little anxiety you're waking up that

1072
00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:32,359
Speaker 1: has felt for me like something that's not It doesn't

1073
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:35,359
Speaker 1: mean it's not real, but it's not sustainable. So there

1074
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:37,920
Speaker 1: are two ways to start like something, because you can't

1075
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:40,800
Speaker 1: just say I know, I was out to deal with

1076
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:42,480
Speaker 1: people who were hed it for twenty years. The other

1077
00:46:42,560 --> 00:46:44,480
Speaker 1: night that in three months two and a half months

1078
00:46:44,520 --> 00:46:46,359
Speaker 1: got engaged and they've been together for twenty years.

1079
00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 2: So I'm not going to be here to criticize fast.

1080
00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:52,040
Speaker 2: But yeah, it just worked. They got on the road.

1081
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:53,640
Speaker 2: It was healthy. It just happened.

1082
00:46:53,640 --> 00:46:57,440
Speaker 1: But they weren't like lunatics manic love bombing come to

1083
00:46:57,560 --> 00:46:58,280
Speaker 1: Vegas tomorrow.

1084
00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:01,240
Speaker 2: They just loved being with you each other. They folded

1085
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:01,640
Speaker 2: it in.

1086
00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:04,160
Speaker 1: It was like layering a sauce where it just you

1087
00:47:04,239 --> 00:47:07,440
Speaker 1: keep folding in the ingredients. It keeps working something versus

1088
00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:10,280
Speaker 1: like Manic out of the Gate love bonding.

1089
00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:11,880
Speaker 2: We're doing everything. You can never be apart.

1090
00:47:12,080 --> 00:47:14,919
Speaker 1: We're imprinted on each other where one person I've done

1091
00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:17,280
Speaker 1: it and it's very different in the result.

1092
00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:19,560
Speaker 2: I think, again that's a very personal thing.

1093
00:47:19,600 --> 00:47:22,360
Speaker 3: But I think to know yourself and know what works

1094
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:24,840
Speaker 3: better for you and how your reaction to it. You

1095
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:26,799
Speaker 3: have to listen to your gut with something like that,

1096
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:30,200
Speaker 3: and it could be the right person but the wrong pace,

1097
00:47:30,400 --> 00:47:32,399
Speaker 3: and then it could just be a conversation like, hey,

1098
00:47:33,280 --> 00:47:35,640
Speaker 3: I like to go slow and steady. I truly believe

1099
00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:39,160
Speaker 3: dating through the seasons is so important because it's one

1100
00:47:39,160 --> 00:47:42,320
Speaker 3: thing to have great few dates and the chemistry is

1101
00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:44,719
Speaker 3: off the charts and you like literally can't wait to

1102
00:47:44,840 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 3: Ripischlither's clothes off and you're into it. It's another thing

1103
00:47:47,719 --> 00:47:51,000
Speaker 3: when someone shows that they're a good partner, when they

1104
00:47:51,400 --> 00:47:54,000
Speaker 3: think of you and they're thoughtful and they're doing things

1105
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:57,120
Speaker 3: that they're not selfish, and all that plays out through

1106
00:47:57,200 --> 00:48:00,400
Speaker 3: time and you can't rush that so be in a

1107
00:48:00,480 --> 00:48:03,200
Speaker 3: hurry to know is this my person? It's just like,

1108
00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:05,879
Speaker 3: let's just see what happens is we're having so much

1109
00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:09,080
Speaker 3: fun figuring it out, but you can't be Sometimes you

1110
00:48:09,120 --> 00:48:11,640
Speaker 3: want to know so bad is this my person? But

1111
00:48:11,719 --> 00:48:15,640
Speaker 3: you won't know until the situations of let's see what happens,

1112
00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:17,920
Speaker 3: how we treat each other, how we deal with conflicts,

1113
00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:19,880
Speaker 3: how we deal with navigating everything.

1114
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:23,640
Speaker 1: I'm like a step sooner saying if you feel like

1115
00:48:23,719 --> 00:48:27,319
Speaker 1: you're driving without breaks. You probably are like, I've done

1116
00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 1: that in a wrong relationship, like a bad boy, where

1117
00:48:29,120 --> 00:48:31,520
Speaker 1: you feel like you're driving about breaks. I've also done

1118
00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:33,799
Speaker 1: it with someone that's great. But it's the way that

1119
00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:36,320
Speaker 1: you feel. And you've talked about how someone makes you feel,

1120
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:38,759
Speaker 1: even if it's you feel good, but it feels a

1121
00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:40,000
Speaker 1: little exasperating.

1122
00:48:40,360 --> 00:48:42,480
Speaker 2: Something needs to comp don, is what I'm saying. It

1123
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:43,840
Speaker 2: doesn't mean it is silence.

1124
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:48,360
Speaker 3: Again, there's so much pressure from society, like your girlfriend's

1125
00:48:48,400 --> 00:48:51,799
Speaker 3: like your family. You have to silence all the noise

1126
00:48:51,840 --> 00:48:54,799
Speaker 3: of everyone like liking this person, like fan clubbing them,

1127
00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:57,160
Speaker 3: and being like, how do I feel and how is

1128
00:48:57,200 --> 00:48:58,320
Speaker 3: this person making me feel?

1129
00:48:58,320 --> 00:49:01,240
Speaker 2: And what do I need to communicate different or better?

1130
00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:02,960
Speaker 3: Or what do I need from this person that I'm

1131
00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:05,400
Speaker 3: not getting to be able and then communicate because no

1132
00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:08,560
Speaker 3: one's a mind reader. But it's like, but if you

1133
00:49:08,760 --> 00:49:11,399
Speaker 3: keep it going, then you shame on you because you're

1134
00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:12,240
Speaker 3: allowing it to happen.

1135
00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:16,280
Speaker 1: Well, I think it's regulating yourself, but also to your point,

1136
00:49:16,880 --> 00:49:21,120
Speaker 1: I think it could be regulating other person. Yes, and

1137
00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:24,440
Speaker 1: we get so excited and then we're reading them off

1138
00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:27,000
Speaker 1: a resume of things that we think are going to

1139
00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:29,040
Speaker 1: sound impressive and I don't even meet it in a

1140
00:49:29,080 --> 00:49:29,879
Speaker 1: superficial way.

1141
00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:32,439
Speaker 2: Oh my god, he's so great with his.

1142
00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:35,520
Speaker 1: Kids or his dog or you know, he's a doctor

1143
00:49:35,719 --> 00:49:36,640
Speaker 1: or whatever the thing is.

1144
00:49:36,680 --> 00:49:38,200
Speaker 2: And you're like reading the resume.

1145
00:49:38,320 --> 00:49:41,280
Speaker 1: And I've done that so many times versus like getting

1146
00:49:41,280 --> 00:49:43,719
Speaker 1: in touch with yourself to see what you feel. And

1147
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:47,040
Speaker 1: it's very easy to do because things look shiny and

1148
00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:50,880
Speaker 1: they're exciting. But like every new car has that smell

1149
00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:54,360
Speaker 1: and then it fades, So I think that's really critical. Ye,

1150
00:49:54,719 --> 00:49:56,840
Speaker 1: And so men men need to do that too, And

1151
00:49:56,880 --> 00:50:00,960
Speaker 1: that's kind of connected to love bombing and regularly and

1152
00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:02,799
Speaker 1: coming in and getting all excited and you're right.

1153
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:05,719
Speaker 2: I do notice with men they come in really hot.

1154
00:50:05,760 --> 00:50:08,440
Speaker 1: Sometimes we got the quification and this, and they get

1155
00:50:08,480 --> 00:50:11,680
Speaker 1: excited and you're right, then the new car smell is gone.

1156
00:50:11,960 --> 00:50:12,160
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1157
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:15,319
Speaker 3: The ones they land you, their communication style changes are

1158
00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:17,239
Speaker 3: all of a sudden. They want to they have other

1159
00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:19,760
Speaker 3: plans with their guy friends or their kids, other things.

1160
00:50:19,760 --> 00:50:22,960
Speaker 3: So it's just more about again taking the time to

1161
00:50:23,239 --> 00:50:26,800
Speaker 3: know you know, you're worth enjoy getting to know that person,

1162
00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:29,560
Speaker 3: and if it's not right for you, then don't stay

1163
00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:31,959
Speaker 3: too long just because it looks good to everybody else,

1164
00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:36,560
Speaker 3: because if you're miserable behind closed doors, it's a long,

1165
00:50:37,239 --> 00:50:57,879
Speaker 3: hard life.