Speaker 1: Hey, do you want to see me in Langston live
Speaker 1: in the flesh looking cute. We'll come on out to
Speaker 1: the Allegian Theater where we are doing a live version
Speaker 1: of My mom and told me the first live version
Speaker 1: featuring Langston and myself. Hell yeah, my mama told me
Speaker 1: live David and myself together. We're gonna be doing the
Speaker 1: damn thing at the Allegian Theater February seven thirty pm.
Speaker 1: We would love for you to see it. We're gonna
Speaker 1: have special guests. We're gonna have Q and A. We're
Speaker 1: gonna throw stuff at the audience. Probably it's gonna be Mayhem.
Speaker 1: Lanston is gonna numb chuck. I'm bringing my gosh darn
Speaker 1: numb chucks. So get those tickets www dot Allegian Theater
Speaker 1: dot com. Backslash Shows Backslash My baba told me, Bam,
Speaker 1: I think if I was an address, I think it
Speaker 1: would be a it would be a body positivity piece. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can see that, like move over, Lizzo, here's a
Speaker 1: new starring child, here's a man doing it now. You
Speaker 1: want to see some butt sheets that need to be
Speaker 1: out David a rhythmic clapping. Yeah, your racist money can't
Speaker 1: tell Me. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to another brand new episode
Speaker 1: of My Mama Told Me, the podcast where we dive deep,
Speaker 1: deep into the pockets of black conspiracy aries and we
Speaker 1: worked to prove that the k Y and Ky jelly
Speaker 1: does in fact stand for Kentucky and it is a
Speaker 1: proprietary plan invented by slaves. You want our money back. Wait, So,
Speaker 1: if I'm understanding correctly, what an exciting journey we're on it,
Speaker 1: you're saying that these slaves thought to use the chicken
Speaker 1: grease to funk each other. Okay, you said chicken grease.
Speaker 1: Well you said Kentucky. I immediately went to Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Speaker 1: I thought you were making two branches happen at once. No,
Speaker 1: I just meant, I guess I meant that there were
Speaker 1: slaves in Kentucky. Alright, alright, okay, no, but let's let's play.
Speaker 1: Let's play a game. So in theory, there are slaves
Speaker 1: in Kentucky making sex grease, I believe is what it's true. Additionally,
Speaker 1: called they're making this sex grease, and you're saying that
Speaker 1: a slave owner, uh, an evil white, not like you
Speaker 1: good whites who listened to the podcast, whole. You guys
Speaker 1: are the best whites, fine whites, some of my favorite whites. Uh,
Speaker 1: there's just people with with whites for lengthstin the whole
Speaker 1: signs behind me? Where are my whites? Where are my crackers?
Speaker 1: But you're saying that these evil whites stole that formulas,
Speaker 1: stole that sex grease formula, and then and then turned
Speaker 1: it into their own product. Yes, hell yeah, because I mean,
Speaker 1: what's the one place you would want to put chicken
Speaker 1: grease beside your mouth? Come on, it's got it tastes
Speaker 1: good down there a little bit, you know, if I'm
Speaker 1: gonna make it taste worse, it's gotta help. Well. I'm
Speaker 1: Legston Cartman, I'm David Bory And and you've come. You've
Speaker 1: come so far. You've come to a fantastic new episode.
Speaker 1: And and specifically it is an Langston and David episode.
Speaker 1: David and Langston, you you pick your poison. And and
Speaker 1: this is the one where we just talk ship and
Speaker 1: unpack a few emails. Maybe just let's figure out where
Speaker 1: our hearts lie in all of this, let's get to
Speaker 1: the bottom of it. It's January, you know, New Year
Speaker 1: knew me. Yeah, it's goddamn January. Are you are you?
Speaker 1: Are you like a new year? Are you like a
Speaker 1: New Year's resolution person? Uh? Not in a way that
Speaker 1: would create any real accountability, if that makes sense. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like I I make some resolutions in my head
Speaker 1: where I'm like, hell, yeah, come on, dog, you can
Speaker 1: get in shape this year. Hey, big man, let's just
Speaker 1: let's just in sugar always forever in your life what
Speaker 1: you need. And the sugar ship is fucking killing me.
Speaker 1: It's really so bad for you sugar. For me, it's
Speaker 1: alcohol where I realized I'm like thirty five, and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: nothing new was gonna happen if I get drunk, so
Speaker 1: I should probably get it. Yeah. I think that's why
Speaker 1: we started to like become a thing in my life.
Speaker 1: Was like, damn, these drunk nights are starting to repeat
Speaker 1: themselves in a way that that it's not even joyful anymore. No,
Speaker 1: there's nothing new, and there's nothing new, you just getting
Speaker 1: doored ash late, like yeah, and then you get married
Speaker 1: and and that becomes so much of like a this
Speaker 1: is a guaranteed ending to your night that it's like
Speaker 1: that you can't even go out and get loose because
Speaker 1: it's like you gotta go home, right. I couldn't even
Speaker 1: possibly wake up somewhere I didn't expect like the Truly,
Speaker 1: it is a non factor in my life, and I'm
Speaker 1: grateful to have a person that makes that a non factor.
Speaker 1: This is in no way resentful of my wife. But
Speaker 1: that said, funk, am I doing this for? You? Know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Like you've stolen a joy that I
Speaker 1: can't get back, a joy? Did you like, like waking
Speaker 1: up scared that you got robbed? Maybe? I I think
Speaker 1: there was a joy in the way that it feels
Speaker 1: like going through a haunted house, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: That's right? Well, yeah, I think, But then you volunteer
Speaker 1: for that fear and you're like, oh yeah, and I
Speaker 1: for this. I guess it's exciting. I'm because I'm single
Speaker 1: as hell. It's I guess it's exciting. Are you still
Speaker 1: waking up places you didn't know? Are you, like, you
Speaker 1: know but single? I've been thinking about it because I
Speaker 1: did a drinking contest last night. I did a drinking
Speaker 1: contest live show, and I haven't really been drinking like
Speaker 1: that for a while. And I woke up today with
Speaker 1: no memory of how the night ended. And I woke
Speaker 1: up and I came, I came into the kitchen, man,
Speaker 1: and there was I fried up spam. Oh no, And
Speaker 1: it's like, from what is this? What? What is this?
Speaker 1: Isn't even that couldn't have been a good time? Yeah,
Speaker 1: come on, man, that's not even the best thing you
Speaker 1: could have fried and not even I have a fridge
Speaker 1: food and food. I have leafy greens in there. I
Speaker 1: don't even know where I got the spam. That's crazy.
Speaker 1: So you didn't just have spam on hand, I assume must. Oh, man,
Speaker 1: that's that's haunting in either direction. That's what I'm saying, Like,
Speaker 1: this is a new apartment for you, You don't you
Speaker 1: don't have to have spam no more. I know you
Speaker 1: have a good amount of money. Spam is a choice
Speaker 1: you're making. And then on top of that, if it
Speaker 1: isn't a choice you're making, if you didn't already have
Speaker 1: the spam, you were like, I need fucking spam in
Speaker 1: my blood right now, and then you went and got that.
Speaker 1: Yeah it's I live above a seven eleven, So I
Speaker 1: think that was the last one because I remember coming home.
Speaker 1: And then what I'm saying is you don't want these problems, man,
Speaker 1: I hear you. I hear you, and I I sort
Speaker 1: of believe you, and uh and I couldn't be more
Speaker 1: grateful for what I have and couldn't be more mournful
Speaker 1: for what I've lost, You know what I mean? Like
Speaker 1: I get it. I get because it's always like you know,
Speaker 1: hindsight is right. It looks beautiful in the rear view
Speaker 1: deciding days, waking up? Did I eat spam? Did I not?
Speaker 1: Who's this lady? Hell? Yeah? Come on? Man? The the
Speaker 1: best We all love the finale episode where they start
Speaker 1: playing the recap of the stuff that happened all throughout
Speaker 1: the years. You know what I mean, when you look
Speaker 1: up at the sky and you remember all the things
Speaker 1: that happened in Martin's apartment before he leaves. Come on,
Speaker 1: that's that's the best part of the finale. That was
Speaker 1: the saddest one was that the one where he wrote
Speaker 1: I'll miss you on the wall. I think he wrote
Speaker 1: love or peace and love. It was something like more like,
Speaker 1: uh whatever, but maybe it was I'll miss you. But
Speaker 1: either way, it was definitely he wrote on the wall,
Speaker 1: which I think was improvised. I have to assume was more.
Speaker 1: I don't think Martin was heavily scripted. I'm gonna say,
Speaker 1: I'm going on record right now. I think they had
Speaker 1: the plot points of every episode in the think they
Speaker 1: just kind of like point and shoot. I don't. I
Speaker 1: will say I cannot think of a sitcom where you
Speaker 1: can physically visibly see people breaking more often than Martin. Like,
Speaker 1: nobody was funnier than Martin in address. They could not
Speaker 1: keep it together to save their lives, and they were
Speaker 1: kind instantly fucking laughing at whatever this motherfucker was doing.
Speaker 1: He was so funny, he did everything. Here's where I say,
Speaker 1: I don't think Dave Chappelle would be funny in address
Speaker 1: as funny as Martin. Whoa, I said it. I don't
Speaker 1: think he got I don't whoa. Okay, so you're saying
Speaker 1: that Chappelle denying the dress like being like black Man
Speaker 1: in dressed. This is the evil that they put on us.
Speaker 1: Was less about him like trying to save black Man,
Speaker 1: and more about him basically being like funck. That nigg
Speaker 1: is so much funnier than me and address. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: sabotage the bit entirely. Have you ever seen, professor, This
Speaker 1: is the funniest thing in the world. I truly. I
Speaker 1: I yeah, I mean, but that was Eddie, that wasn't Martin.
Speaker 1: I'm saying, but I'm saying like there's a long line
Speaker 1: of people really that that even in the line of succession,
Speaker 1: Martin is ahead of him. But Martin may not even
Speaker 1: be the master of that that space, right, whereas stand
Speaker 1: up Chappelle has a real chance of outshining both of them,
Speaker 1: all of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's better at
Speaker 1: writing jokes for sure. We're talking about just like nitty
Speaker 1: gritty getting to address maker happen bro I saw. I
Speaker 1: saw the Nutty Professor in a movie theater in Atlanta,
Speaker 1: and it was like, I've never seen anything that happened
Speaker 1: like that in my life. Sure because you you remember
Speaker 1: the movie, but you don't remember the first time at
Speaker 1: the table with a movie theater full of black people,
Speaker 1: people were throwing like drinks at Yeah, it was you
Speaker 1: literally went to Mecca to pray. You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like that is it was nobody's ever killed his heart.
Speaker 1: I love Dave Chappelle, He's never done anything as funny
Speaker 1: as Eddie Murphy did in that movie theater. Listen, I'm
Speaker 1: not I don't disagree with this premise at all. I
Speaker 1: don't the to me that when David was at his
Speaker 1: funniest as certainly as an actor, and we might be
Speaker 1: able to debate even as a stand up, was when
Speaker 1: he was gangly, sort of like silly Chappelle in his
Speaker 1: youth as as an actor, when he was like more
Speaker 1: of like a you kick me in the dick and
Speaker 1: I fall down Chappelle. And then at some point he
Speaker 1: he elevated beyond being just a get kicked in the
Speaker 1: dick guy and more of like a buff dude and
Speaker 1: then a fat dude, and then whatever is in between
Speaker 1: those two. Yeah, he's a yeah, and he wears the
Speaker 1: long coats to the match the aesthetic. He wears weird clothes.
Speaker 1: But there's a stand up thing. Yeah, I think I
Speaker 1: still respect a stand up who's a bad dresser. So
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm if you stand up in your bad dresser,
Speaker 1: you work hard at the craft, and I like that,
Speaker 1: keep on, keep on. I'm not a great a dresser.
Speaker 1: I get it, I get it. I'm just saying, yeah, man,
Speaker 1: it's like not you can't just put a suit. You
Speaker 1: can just put a dress on and be funny. There's
Speaker 1: like if I put on a dress. I don't think
Speaker 1: it's that funny. I mean, before you could be you know,
Speaker 1: what I would worry about you in a dress is
Speaker 1: that it would be taken too seriously. That's and that's
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I don't think it would end up
Speaker 1: being as funny as as I would want it to be.
Speaker 1: Like you and a sun dress would just be like
Speaker 1: a fashion choice. I think somebody would write a think piece.
Speaker 1: I think I would make a whole episode me wearing
Speaker 1: a dress or a show, and then somebody would write
Speaker 1: a think piece about how important that work and effort was.
Speaker 1: And it was a very wearing dress. Yes, like this.
Speaker 1: It is related to the relationship between black and Asian
Speaker 1: people coming together. It's like, bro, I just wanted you
Speaker 1: to see my dick print in a sundress. What are
Speaker 1: you talking about? Yeah, you would be too serious. Your
Speaker 1: body is too serious for dresses. Yeah, that's why. And
Speaker 1: that's that's that's you know across you have to bear. Yeah, No,
Speaker 1: I think I think it's uh, it's everybody ain't funny
Speaker 1: and addressed to your point? And so I think Chappelle
Speaker 1: in address wasn't it They could really do it? And
Speaker 1: I do think to the grander conspiracy. I don't like
Speaker 1: the way Chappelle tanked that for for some motherfucker's that
Speaker 1: could really shine in dresses. Some of the greatest comedy
Speaker 1: ever has been done addresses. Yeah, man, we we really
Speaker 1: fell in love with comedy because of nikeds in dresses.
Speaker 1: And then this old, old, fucking why why is motherfucker
Speaker 1: was like, I wonder if that's because of racist and
Speaker 1: it's like, of course it is, David, Yeah, funny. You
Speaker 1: should read the things I text my mom. All of
Speaker 1: it's because of racism, But what parts of it are
Speaker 1: funny and not funny? Let's you this is the core
Speaker 1: of it. That's all I care about. Put that dress on.
Speaker 1: But there's a young comedian listen to this and put
Speaker 1: that dress. Slip on that red dress and some hi
Speaker 1: he do it. For those of us who can't, come on, man,
Speaker 1: hashtag put that dress on. Put that hashtag. Put that
Speaker 1: dress on. So blow up, right, This will turn into
Speaker 1: some sort of challenge getting put that dress on. Put
Speaker 1: that dress on. Challenge brought to you by my mama
Speaker 1: told me. We we challenge you to be to be
Speaker 1: a pioneer in and uh in black retraction and put
Speaker 1: that dress on, that dress on you, beautiful man, only
Speaker 1: if it's funny. Only if it's funny, or if that's
Speaker 1: who you are. It doesn't matter. We're truly not going
Speaker 1: to decide. But for the funny people, put that dress on.
Speaker 1: No buck, dudes, you gotta be soft, buff man, big
Speaker 1: old muscles popping up the Dressy's gonna focus. Should we
Speaker 1: should we do an email? Just? Oh yeah, let's do
Speaker 1: an email. I got, I got, I got lost in
Speaker 1: the dress of it all. We we before we started,
Speaker 1: we were we were debating which email to take on.
Speaker 1: And we have a number. We've been getting a funk
Speaker 1: ton of emails from you guys, and they've they've been amazing,
Speaker 1: and we're super grateful for him. So please continue to
Speaker 1: send your messages. They are not going unnoticed, even if
Speaker 1: it takes a little while for us to get back
Speaker 1: to you. But we got an email from a person
Speaker 1: named Carly. Carly sent us an email that I would
Speaker 1: argue bordering on smut. I would say that certainly the
Speaker 1: the subject line of this of this conspiracy theory I
Speaker 1: think is is smut ish. If I'm not mistaken, I
Speaker 1: know you do. And so I didn't. I didn't want
Speaker 1: to say it with any judgment, but I didn't want
Speaker 1: to point out we're getting smut here. But but the
Speaker 1: subject of the line is poop in the mouth conspiracy theory,
Speaker 1: and we all heard that and we were like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we should probably do. Do you have any any guests
Speaker 1: as to what this this relates to? Do you does
Speaker 1: poop in the mouth conspiracy theory trigger anything for you? Not? No,
Speaker 1: there's no conversations I've had or like, no, the Internet. Sure.
Speaker 1: The only thing. The only thing that it immediately triggered
Speaker 1: for me was thinking about like two girls, one cup
Speaker 1: and fake I have no clue. And frankly, I never
Speaker 1: made it far enough into the video to be able
Speaker 1: to like go like, hey, those those poops don't match colors.
Speaker 1: Something ain't right here. Yeah, it looks very real, and
Speaker 1: I I can't I can't go back to whatever that
Speaker 1: was even talking about it now at that time. I
Speaker 1: want to vomit. Yeah, something like that, oh seven oh
Speaker 1: eight something that world we didn't know what to do
Speaker 1: with the Internet yet know. And And frankly, if the
Speaker 1: fact that people didn't shut it down right then tells
Speaker 1: you that they did not have good plans for us. No, No,
Speaker 1: it was unregular. It was the wild Wild Westpact then,
Speaker 1: because like, all right, not for nothing that that's some
Speaker 1: black mark it ship right, Like I don't made it,
Speaker 1: but that's what I'm saying. I think, like for a
Speaker 1: while in the world that we understood, in the Windows
Speaker 1: world that we lived in, the presumption was that if
Speaker 1: you wanted to see two girls each ship out of
Speaker 1: a cub you paid you you had to go to
Speaker 1: like a black market dark web space. And then at
Speaker 1: at some point around two thousand and seven, the black
Speaker 1: market became the regular ass Internet where they were just
Speaker 1: like fuck it released the you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: the archives, and then we just started going on YouTube
Speaker 1: seeing black market ship you know what I mean. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was like because he was like, I've seen gross
Speaker 1: stuff since, but I had not seen anything grosser at
Speaker 1: the time. Yeah, that that broke a seal for like
Speaker 1: I would say, eighty percent of us. Yeah, because once
Speaker 1: now that you know that that's out there, I got
Speaker 1: and some of us had to know, and some of
Speaker 1: us were like, I'm good, I'm going to like join
Speaker 1: a church and in turn in the opposite direction, and
Speaker 1: that fucking video I would say holds holds a lot
Speaker 1: of weight in that responsibility. Yeah, I would like to
Speaker 1: find them. I wonder if they know what they do.
Speaker 1: They have two girls, they know they know. I guess
Speaker 1: that's weird for me to ask, as if you were
Speaker 1: I gotta find that cup? Do you know what you did?
Speaker 1: They burn the cup? Imagine the intern that had to
Speaker 1: wash out that cup after the mess that was made?
Speaker 1: Where is that true crime documentary? They're talking about everything else?
Speaker 1: Why don't we have a two girls, one cup video history? Yeah.
Speaker 1: The fact that they haven't come forward and said like
Speaker 1: this was abuse, this, this was a violation, tells you
Speaker 1: something something crazy you had to have had. They haven't
Speaker 1: been murdered. I think that they I don't know, maybe
Speaker 1: they're maybe the proud of it. Okay, but but he's great.
Speaker 1: The word great, it's not a moral word. It's just
Speaker 1: a word for a size. Yeah. I guess where I
Speaker 1: start to worry or worry wonder? I guess, is is
Speaker 1: something that popular? They couldn't have been paid that much, right,
Speaker 1: So it becomes that no, so so why haven't we
Speaker 1: heard of any of them coming forward and being like, hey,
Speaker 1: we never saw enough money on what became truly a
Speaker 1: worldwide phenomenon. Dog, where are the two girls, one cup girl?
Speaker 1: Where they are? Where's the cameraman? Back girls and specifically
Speaker 1: the two girls one cup girl? If that's we gotta
Speaker 1: make deep, that's a perfect God damn t shirt is
Speaker 1: bring back our hashtag bring back our Girls, and it's
Speaker 1: just the image of the two girls one cup ladies
Speaker 1: right beneath it. Bro. You know what's crazy is they
Speaker 1: could walk into my apartment right now. I would not
Speaker 1: recognize it. You wouldn't recognize them because they're not covered
Speaker 1: in poop. They were covered in poop. People, I know
Speaker 1: you something I recognize you? Does somebody pup in your mouth? Wait?
Speaker 1: So what when we talk we're talking about pooping mouth. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the poop pooping mouth conspiracy. There is what what Carly
Speaker 1: sent us. Carly sent us this email and she said, Hey,
Speaker 1: lengths in the David, I love your show. I've been
Speaker 1: talking shipped to my husband forever, swearing I will email
Speaker 1: my own conspiracy and finally making it happen. So here
Speaker 1: we go. I am by rationable. My black mom and
Speaker 1: her extended family are responsible for most of my upbringing.
Speaker 1: As kids, my cousins and I were always pushing to
Speaker 1: finish our plates at meal time, whether you liked what
Speaker 1: you would you were being served or not. At some
Speaker 1: point us kids started this thing. We thought we were
Speaker 1: being slick. I just uh by just holding a big
Speaker 1: mouthful of food forever without swallowing, presumably in hopes that
Speaker 1: dinner would end at the UH and the adults would
Speaker 1: give up on making us finish our plates. When the
Speaker 1: adults caught onto this ruse, my mama told me that
Speaker 1: if we kept food in our mouths for too long,
Speaker 1: it will automatically turn to ship like act tool, physical
Speaker 1: poop in your mouth. It was devious and insanely effective.
Speaker 1: Where are you at so far? Where? What are your feelings?
Speaker 1: I'll finish the email. Let's let's gauge your immediate responses
Speaker 1: inside of this. Listen. I'm not a docu, right, Okay,
Speaker 1: here's what I got. Poop is made out of food,
Speaker 1: That's right. That's as far as I could go on.
Speaker 1: That's as far as I do. I think that like,
Speaker 1: if I just kept food in my mouth for a
Speaker 1: long time, it would turn the poop. No, I think
Speaker 1: it would smell bad. Mm hmm, But do I think
Speaker 1: it would turn turn into the same poop that comes
Speaker 1: out of my But do you think it would smell bad?
Speaker 1: Like poop bad or like just like like old oats
Speaker 1: and hot breath type that, Like do you think it's
Speaker 1: I think it's like have you ever like these those
Speaker 1: little the tooth the dentech strips? Do you ever these things? Oh? Yeah,
Speaker 1: those the things that people are are throwing on the
Speaker 1: street constantly for something. Yeah? Yeah, yeah. What Sometimes I'll
Speaker 1: pull like a piece of steak or something out with
Speaker 1: one of these, and it smells pretty bad, and that
Speaker 1: she has just been there for like twenty minutes, because
Speaker 1: like if I get a big one, you know, I'll
Speaker 1: sniff it and like so like extrapolate that over time.
Speaker 1: I think, I think there's something happens. I don't know.
Speaker 1: This is a difficult one. It is I I guess
Speaker 1: where my brain originally went. Is holding food you don't
Speaker 1: like in your mouth? It would taste like ship? Do
Speaker 1: you have more difficult than need to? Yeah, it seems
Speaker 1: like at the point that you've put it in your mouth,
Speaker 1: you've you've already crossed the threshold. You don't just finished.
Speaker 1: Good motherfucker. That's what I mean children are. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: the craziest part of this to me is like I'll
Speaker 1: just hold these chiplands in my mouth and that way
Speaker 1: I don't have to experience them. It's like, no, that's
Speaker 1: the worst part. Also, that's crazy to me because like
Speaker 1: maybe I'm crazy. My mom can cook. That's like one
Speaker 1: thing we never had, like nasty meals, like are you good?
Speaker 1: My mom could cook. She didn't love doing it, but
Speaker 1: she could cook. My dad, I think had like four
Speaker 1: meals that he knew how to handle, and like we
Speaker 1: would have those pretty consistently. They hit for for my
Speaker 1: palette then. And and I'm a big fan of my dad.
Speaker 1: He's a good man, good man, good But I wouldn't
Speaker 1: say that. I I'd like, go to somebody else's house
Speaker 1: be like, man, you gotta try my dad's tomato chicken.
Speaker 1: It's like, I don't I enjoyed it. It was chicken
Speaker 1: with tomatoes all over it. I don't know again, good
Speaker 1: good white tomato. I don't know for those two words together. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what do you want for me? I'm a victim too,
Speaker 1: So I was like, no, I'm not gonna say, like,
Speaker 1: you know, great chef, but I enjoyed what we had
Speaker 1: growing up and and have zero regrets about having ate it,
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, tomato chicken.
Speaker 1: But that's the thing that's like this Priston's parents food
Speaker 1: was nasty. Yeah, no, that part is pretty clear. Was
Speaker 1: like this is nasty food but apparently also nasty because
Speaker 1: it was so unseasoned and so sort of like blank
Speaker 1: that it was. You could keep it in your mouth
Speaker 1: for for sometimes hours at a time to escape responsibility
Speaker 1: of finishing your plate. Yeah, I don't, but do I
Speaker 1: think Okay, so back to this conspiracy beery, No, I
Speaker 1: don't think it would turn mm hmm. I I guess
Speaker 1: I kind of do I have. If I'm being completely honest,
Speaker 1: I don't think that it's necessarily gonna take the form
Speaker 1: that poop does. I think you gotta make it all
Speaker 1: the way down to the end of the train to
Speaker 1: to get that blackened. Uh. Yeah, that casion flavoring that
Speaker 1: that ends up with poop. But I do think that
Speaker 1: that's it's like the difference between like black and salmon
Speaker 1: and like and like sushi, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like they're still both fish. It's just like this is poop.
Speaker 1: This is like fucking mush that like is to your point,
Speaker 1: gonna stink and like be vile in a way. That's
Speaker 1: like pretty close to book if we if we like
Speaker 1: had a scientist and a a glass, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. I mean, but isn't man, we're talking so much.
Speaker 1: It's like, but boop is also stripped of all the nutrients.
Speaker 1: It's like you take all the nutrients out and then
Speaker 1: your body pushes out the rest. Yeah. And I think that,
Speaker 1: at least in my understanding, that the more that we
Speaker 1: cook something right, the more that we heat it, the
Speaker 1: more that we uh that, the more nutrients are lost
Speaker 1: into the atmosphere, I guess, into the fire, whatever the
Speaker 1: funk it is. And similarly, I think when you leave
Speaker 1: something soaking in a saliva or around bacteria, that's gonna
Speaker 1: be eating up those nutrients. I think in this case,
Speaker 1: we're just not absorbing them the way that we would.
Speaker 1: They're just being resolved in our bullshit mouths. Okay, I
Speaker 1: mean you don't you have no, I have no. I
Speaker 1: have no. This is the weirdest conspiracy theory because it's
Speaker 1: not based in race. Yeah, so I have no like,
Speaker 1: I have no like people I want to win or
Speaker 1: lose here. I got you. Let's read on because maybe
Speaker 1: and and it's worth noting that I do believe Carly
Speaker 1: said that she was raised by her black mom, yes,
Speaker 1: and extended family, and so it sounds like they were
Speaker 1: doing this in a black household. And subsequently it came
Speaker 1: from a black parent that uh that you got ship
Speaker 1: in your mouth if you hold it in in your face,
Speaker 1: I need proof with ship like that, I got you.
Speaker 1: You need somebody to poop out their mouth and then
Speaker 1: you're like, God, I got you. Yeah, there it is.
Speaker 1: She goes on to say. So, I'll be the first
Speaker 1: to admit that this isn't a textbook inspiracy theory per se,
Speaker 1: but I certainly believed it and was deceived by it
Speaker 1: for an embarrassingly long time. I also came to realize
Speaker 1: there's some poignant themes in there that I didn't really
Speaker 1: process until I was an adult, something about not letting
Speaker 1: anything go to waste and not taking food for granted,
Speaker 1: especially when so many others in our community of lower
Speaker 1: income black and brown families went without Anyhow, over the years,
Speaker 1: I always get a good laugh when I tell people
Speaker 1: about this lie or is it that my mama told
Speaker 1: me that I thought you guys would get a laugh
Speaker 1: too much love. Carly, Yeah, Carly, your mama is yeah,
Speaker 1: she lied to you, probably because you didn't get it.
Speaker 1: But you know what I see the vision, Mama. I
Speaker 1: I think that whatever's been, whatever is being kept in
Speaker 1: your face is equivalent to ship at the point that
Speaker 1: you would spit it out. And it is not only
Speaker 1: harmful and wasteful, but it also is basically poop ish.
Speaker 1: It's poop, It's it's Kidney Barris brings to all of
Speaker 1: us poopish. Uh. It's a lighter poop. Uh, it's a
Speaker 1: biracial poop. It's a biracial poop, but it's it's got
Speaker 1: its own struggles that we were unaware of twenty years ago.
Speaker 1: Popish Starr, She's back back, baby, You can't if you
Speaker 1: want to come see my mama told me live at
Speaker 1: the Allegian Theater on February sixteenth. But you don't live
Speaker 1: in Los Angeles. Have we got an offer for you.
Speaker 1: We're live streaming it via moment House. We're doing Q
Speaker 1: and as you can see me, you can see Langston
Speaker 1: tell him about it. Please purchase tickets at moment dot
Speaker 1: c o slash. My mama told me again February six
Speaker 1: at the Alician Theater, but in your homes for the
Speaker 1: livestream or the next five days after so by those tickets.
Speaker 1: Olivia mentioned that there is apparently a disease, a a
Speaker 1: disorder of sorts. Oh, because if you hold it for
Speaker 1: too long, when it comes at your mouth. Right, yeah,
Speaker 1: so well apparently there's something uh yeah, feculent vomiting, uh,
Speaker 1: fecal being the root word there. If anybody was wondering, uh,
Speaker 1: where where people throw up poop out of their mouths?
Speaker 1: I guess unexpectedly, which truly sounds like the worst day.
Speaker 1: There's no what do you do? Yeah, okay, let's say
Speaker 1: you're at dinner. Right, let's say let's say you're at
Speaker 1: a fine Lebanese restaurant and uh, and you you feculent
Speaker 1: vomit out of your face? Or do you wait for
Speaker 1: the check? Do you how do you proceed after that? Out?
Speaker 1: Are you kidding? You? You vomit out of your vomited
Speaker 1: ship out of your face and then you just stand
Speaker 1: up and you you just walk, you just meet you
Speaker 1: never see me again, probably not even on that side
Speaker 1: of town. To be honest, I won't come back. So
Speaker 1: you're not moving cities, but you are like a New
Speaker 1: Borough kind of dude. I'm off that st I got you?
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me out of my mouth at the time,
Speaker 1: I'm gone. Ever, well, this is a very real thing
Speaker 1: that that apparently exists. In the American Journal of Surgery
Speaker 1: I'm reading now, looks specifically at feculent vombing. Researchers found
Speaker 1: that throwing up poop, while not common, was associated with
Speaker 1: some type of intestinal obstruction, including either of the following
Speaker 1: mechanical intestinal obstruction, a partial or complete blockage of the
Speaker 1: intestine that's more common in the small bow, paralytic obstruction.
Speaker 1: With this condition, muscle or nerve problems disrupt the normal
Speaker 1: muscle contractions of the intestines. A paralytic can can cause
Speaker 1: symptoms of an intestinal blockage, but there's not a physical blockage.
Speaker 1: So it sounds like most of this has to do
Speaker 1: with the intestine more than just you holding it in
Speaker 1: your mouth and then becoming poop. Right, this is it's
Speaker 1: got to come out. And they're like, we're going back
Speaker 1: baby bread, miss bad breath jokes. Remember where there used
Speaker 1: to be so many bad bread jokes? Yeah, I will
Speaker 1: say that that one of Uh, it's a bad bread
Speaker 1: joke that lives in my head forever, and it's it's
Speaker 1: it happened to a very funny comedian and a friend.
Speaker 1: So I won't name names, but uh, one time we
Speaker 1: were leaving we were leaving a concert. It was me,
Speaker 1: Jack and a few others and this comedian and uh,
Speaker 1: at one point, out of nowhere, Jack just turned to
Speaker 1: this dude and was like, dog your breath fucking like
Speaker 1: ship it's like and we've all been talking about it.
Speaker 1: Everybody knows that. Come on, man, we gotta do something.
Speaker 1: And then walk him into a convenience store and and
Speaker 1: bought him gum in front of like ten people, and
Speaker 1: like made this big announcement. It was one of the meanest,
Speaker 1: most effective things that he could have possibly done in
Speaker 1: that moment. But like, did did you see this guy later?
Speaker 1: And or was his breath? No? He kept hanging out
Speaker 1: with us and and it helped. The gum definitely helped.
Speaker 1: And I feel shame even bringing it up, But it
Speaker 1: was funny. That is insane. It was truly one of
Speaker 1: the funniest things that that has ever happened where because
Speaker 1: he was talking, he was having a good night. We
Speaker 1: have been to a concert. We were just enjoying some
Speaker 1: ship and Jack was just like, bro your breath. Everybody
Speaker 1: looked the secrets out. Man. Everybody knows we've already had
Speaker 1: private conversations about you gotta that's that's the beauty of Jack. Though,
Speaker 1: It's like you do have to like he could have
Speaker 1: not done it, you know what I mean. I wasn't
Speaker 1: gonna do it. That's a bit. It was just gonna be,
Speaker 1: you know, I was just gonna have a rough night.
Speaker 1: I I was like, man, if I drink enough, maybe
Speaker 1: there's a little you don't smell nothing when you drunk. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: walked the man into a bodega and said, here fix this.
Speaker 1: So to your point, I think there's still some bad
Speaker 1: breath jokes out there. They just think good hitting hit
Speaker 1: hitting as often as they used to. It was the
Speaker 1: mainstay of my like childhood. The problem with bad breath
Speaker 1: is like people could lie about it. Whoa People could
Speaker 1: be like, oh, he's breath stinks, and then it's like,
Speaker 1: but does it? Are you just being me? Uh like?
Speaker 1: Meaning like if I you if I say your breath stinks,
Speaker 1: but you're not nearby to prove it. I'm just I'm
Speaker 1: just saying a random thing about you. Like if a
Speaker 1: woman says that your breath stink, there's no, you can't.
Speaker 1: There's no rebuttal. Yeah she's just a hater. But but
Speaker 1: there's no like you coming and being like, no, actually
Speaker 1: I brushed my teeth. You just didn't like me. Uh
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. It's just like your breast.
Speaker 1: Then oh you're saying that at the point, there's no
Speaker 1: rebuttal for the receiver of that. Yeah, there's no, there's
Speaker 1: no you can't. You can't beat that. Yeah, it does it.
Speaker 1: It sucks when there. I think it got overused in
Speaker 1: the nineties, Right, there was a point where like they
Speaker 1: were constantly telling people their breast things, and it was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: but you're nowhere near them. We don't even how do
Speaker 1: you know? Yeah? Yeah, yeah I got watered down. Yeah
Speaker 1: I got super watered down. But then there was a
Speaker 1: point to your point where it was like, oh, if
Speaker 1: somebody said it to you and they were close enough
Speaker 1: and or like had a context to be able to
Speaker 1: point it out, it became a thing that you was
Speaker 1: like a challenge for the rest of your life, right, Right, right, right, right, right, man,
Speaker 1: we gotta bring that back. I used to carry banaka
Speaker 1: just out of fear of I don't think it does either.
Speaker 1: I think you're truly just getting kind of buzzed off
Speaker 1: of of a listerine. Do they even make it anymore?
Speaker 1: I think they still make banaca. Yeah, man, that was
Speaker 1: some fresh ship to do though it's under twenty and
Speaker 1: you had banaka and that was pretty fresh. You spray
Speaker 1: a couple of times and it was like, yeah, you
Speaker 1: end up at a girl's house and you know that
Speaker 1: that part of the night where you gotta empty your
Speaker 1: pockets and you pull some but knockout. Yeah, she knows
Speaker 1: you're on point. She knows you're playing this. This is
Speaker 1: this is meant to be, baby girl. I was always
Speaker 1: ready for you, shorty bo later today. Yeah, man, you
Speaker 1: know what, don't buy it. I'm gonna send you some,
Speaker 1: but knocka. I'm gonna send you a big old case, man,
Speaker 1: so you can get back to whatever whatever that is
Speaker 1: for you. Keep some in the bedside, keeps something in
Speaker 1: your sock, like an extra gun. Yeah, a little but
Speaker 1: not a holes th right on your sock. I like
Speaker 1: to put it in a little pocket. You know the
Speaker 1: fifth pocket on the wherea goes dollars just in case,
Speaker 1: because you don't you gotta have you gotta have a
Speaker 1: hundred dollars in your little pocket, Come on, man. So
Speaker 1: so it doesn't sound, it doesn't sound like you're you're
Speaker 1: even still convinced that this is one and this is
Speaker 1: complicated because this one was not. This isn't a that's
Speaker 1: not a typical conspiracy theory, you know what I mean. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think in this case, it feels like your mom
Speaker 1: was writing her own contemporary allegories, like in the same
Speaker 1: way that like Jonas and the Whale. Ain't that his name? Jonah?
Speaker 1: Jonah and the whale? Is he? He didn't really get
Speaker 1: swallowed by a whale and then come out of it.
Speaker 1: But it's a lesson about like faithfulness. Food. Yeah, my
Speaker 1: used my mom told me if you swallowed chewing gum,
Speaker 1: and this is a direct quote, it will rub against
Speaker 1: your gut and you will die. M hmm. And then
Speaker 1: and I thought it was just me. I talked to
Speaker 1: my little brother about it recently. She told him the
Speaker 1: same thing, not based in anything other than don't eat gum,
Speaker 1: which you shouldn't eat gum. It's really really bad for you.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying, and I think that's where it
Speaker 1: came from. She was like, if you eat, because you know,
Speaker 1: I was a kid, I was sucking house in big
Speaker 1: week you. I'll take your thickest peck, sir, Yes, sir,
Speaker 1: and the bubble tape to go. Yeah. I I think
Speaker 1: I think that's one of those where it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: technically you will die, but it's not just because of
Speaker 1: the one piece of bubble gum. You would have to
Speaker 1: be doing that constantly for a long, active period of
Speaker 1: time for this to start to have its residual effects.
Speaker 1: And the point is that it worked to this day.
Speaker 1: I don't swallow gum. And I think Carly eats aller food.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, Carly. We we hope that you are finishing
Speaker 1: your plate. We hope you have a big old pile
Speaker 1: of unseasoned pasta in front of you right now, and
Speaker 1: and you finish it anyway because of fear that you
Speaker 1: might be shifting shipping out your face. Eat all that
Speaker 1: tomato chicken. I did, and I like it. BORI do
Speaker 1: you want to tell other people where they can find
Speaker 1: you and what cool should you have going on? You
Speaker 1: can find me a cool guy jokes seven on Instagram.
Speaker 1: You can also go there because I don't have a
Speaker 1: list alright, Hell yeah, but I got er stand updates Dallas,
Speaker 1: San Francisco, Montana. Hell yeah, he's got other ship. He's
Speaker 1: got some things around listen. More. Most importantly, I would say,
Speaker 1: we have a live show coming up on February six
Speaker 1: at the Allegian Theater and and here in Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: Uh And if at any point you want to buy tickets,
Speaker 1: do that ship. Why not? It's my mama told me live.
Speaker 1: We're gonna have guests, we're gonna have games, we're gonna
Speaker 1: be doing our usual shenanigans and also some very in
Speaker 1: face in person shenanigans. And you can buy tickets both
Speaker 1: for the live show to be in the room. And
Speaker 1: and I think I'm not I'm not speaking out of
Speaker 1: turn here that we're also going to be doing a
Speaker 1: live stream of the show and we're gonna make that
Speaker 1: available on moment House. So if you wanted to see
Speaker 1: the show, even from your own home, see me and
Speaker 1: David do our bullshit, and you can. You can buy
Speaker 1: tickets on a moment House or buy tickets in person.
Speaker 1: And as always, you can you can follow me at
Speaker 1: lengths in Kerman and go subscribe to our YouTube hang
Speaker 1: out bullshit whatever that is, and uh all right as it,
Speaker 1: by bitch because of growing babies. Crop chips in your
Speaker 1: qualibars are racist. The most layers mostly money, actually many
Speaker 1: turkey stuff. I can't tell me