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Speaker 1: Swine Down with Janet Kramer and I heard radio podcast.

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Speaker 1: I got pulled over this morning and I was having

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Speaker 1: a little bit of the morning. I was that time

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Speaker 1: of the month. Okay, you know, so like you're already

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Speaker 1: like do you get on edge? Yeah? I get on

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Speaker 1: edge like a couple of days before, and so then

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Speaker 1: I know it's coming. But then I don't like to

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Speaker 1: like anyone to know that I'm then on my period

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Speaker 1: because then oh, that that's why he were such a

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Speaker 1: bit three days ago. Do you know how many times

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Speaker 1: in my marriage that I actually would roll up the

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Speaker 1: stuff and literally put it in a bin in my

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Speaker 1: cupboard so that he wouldn't see it in the trash,

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Speaker 1: far so that he wouldn't blame my rational behavior, because

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Speaker 1: that's the worst the word for them to be like, oh,

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Speaker 1: that's why you're I'm like, no, that's not why, because

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Speaker 1: you did this as why Granted I'm I'm a little

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Speaker 1: more represensitive, yeah for sure, but like that's when they

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Speaker 1: call that out. Why did they do that? Because their men?

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Speaker 1: That's a good enough reason. It's just annoying, But I

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Speaker 1: don't know why I'm trying to hide it now, Like

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Speaker 1: I'm not nobody to hide it from. But I think

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Speaker 1: it was just I was rushing. I was I wasn't

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Speaker 1: supposed to have the kids had a little change in

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Speaker 1: the schedule, so I was trying to figure stuff out.

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Speaker 1: Luckily the preschool have let us back in. I got

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Speaker 1: an email that the preschool will allow goodness, so I

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Speaker 1: think I'm gonna bring flowers. Did she for She's like, well,

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Speaker 1: we'll allow it. She basically was like, it's fine if

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Speaker 1: you want to bring him back in Tuesday Thursdays. I

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Speaker 1: was like, wonderful, thank you so much, have a have

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Speaker 1: a blessed day, flowers whatever. I'll figure it out. But

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Speaker 1: and then also, I know we gotta start thinking about

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Speaker 1: menopause already my mom went through. I'm gonna be thirty eight.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't mind menopause. Why why don't want my period anymore? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but like there's like so many other issues that go

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Speaker 1: along with it. I'm gonna get to when I get

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Speaker 1: pulled over apart. But the whole point was, I was

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Speaker 1: just like feeling crampy, and I feel like I feel

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Speaker 1: like I'm pre menopausal because my periods or having said that,

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Speaker 1: I think it's just because I had kids. And it's

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Speaker 1: changed my period. And then that vaccine changed my period.

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Speaker 1: So that's just been like annoying because it's been all

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Speaker 1: over the freaking place. But um, I just felt like hot,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like they were going through menopause. So I

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Speaker 1: was like texting my mom asking her, like what were

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Speaker 1: her pre menopausal symptoms, because I just because my periods

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Speaker 1: have just been so weird. So like, into my car,

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Speaker 1: I had to change around the schedule to get the kids,

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Speaker 1: and I'm on my phone texting my mom about menopause.

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Speaker 1: And then like then, I'm like I'm old and I'm

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Speaker 1: washed up. I see this cop right in front of

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Speaker 1: me and I don't even stop, like there was a

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Speaker 1: stop sign, and I just like rolled right through it.

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Speaker 1: I'm on my phone, but it was like I saw

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Speaker 1: him after I rolled through it. You know. It was

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Speaker 1: like one of those where it's like I thought, I

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Speaker 1: thought you just rolled No. No, I like went right

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Speaker 1: through it. Okay, I'm just trying to help you out. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because I was talking about menopause to my mom because

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Speaker 1: I was like massively on my period and freaking out

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Speaker 1: and it was weird. And so then he started following

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Speaker 1: me and I was like, I might as well just

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Speaker 1: put my linker on and just I'm just literally and

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Speaker 1: I pretty much did. Like at the same I saw

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Speaker 1: that there was a subdivision coming up, so I was like,

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Speaker 1: he's gonna pull me over. I feel it like he's

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Speaker 1: right on my tail. He's looking up my license plate

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Speaker 1: right now, see if I'm a felon. And then in

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Speaker 1: my head this is I'm like, what do I do?

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Speaker 1: Do I play the menopause card? I just wanted and

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Speaker 1: I was like, I'm only thirty eight years old, actual

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Speaker 1: idea or I'm bleeding and so I don't know or um.

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Speaker 1: So this all went through my head and then I

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Speaker 1: was like I don't even know wh my registration card

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Speaker 1: is or like I have no like all and I'm like, well,

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Speaker 1: I don't have cream around my thing, and it's like,

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Speaker 1: what is it going to show up cream around there?

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Speaker 1: Because my license anyways, So then about the same time

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Speaker 1: I put my blinker on, the lights go on and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, there of ever. So I pulled into

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Speaker 1: this neighborhood pre menopausal and just bleeding just defeated. I

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Speaker 1: rolled on my window and I was like, I know

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Speaker 1: I was on my phone and I rolled through it.

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Speaker 1: You can just give me a ticket, and he kind

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Speaker 1: of like laughed, and I was like, I'm sorry, like

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Speaker 1: and normally and I just I was texting a friend

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Speaker 1: and I was like, I just got pulled over. And

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Speaker 1: he was like, are you apologizing profusely and just being

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Speaker 1: so nice? And I was like, actually no, I was like,

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Speaker 1: I did it. Arrest me, officer like just handcuffs. No,

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Speaker 1: arrest me to take me to jail, give me deal

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Speaker 1: with the rest. Take me to jail. You think that

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Speaker 1: might be kind. I'm the thing of my kids. Figure

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Speaker 1: it out, you know what, you figure out my life

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Speaker 1: for me. It's fine, but can I have a tampon? Please?

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Speaker 1: It's not going to be pretty in jail. But he

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Speaker 1: kind of like laughed at me because I don't think

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Speaker 1: he was expecting me to be like, yeah, no, I know.

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Speaker 1: I was totally on my phone and I I went

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Speaker 1: through the thing, and you can give me a ticket.

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Speaker 1: It's fine. I don't know where my registration is, give

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Speaker 1: me a second. And he kind of laughing, kind of chuckled,

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Speaker 1: and he was he was like an older he's probably

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Speaker 1: in his fifties. He probably has a menopausal wife. Prob

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Speaker 1: he recognized the scientists. I'm gonna let this one goal.

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Speaker 1: He did. You can see like the sweat he knows,

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Speaker 1: like I'm having a hot flash, sir, please just let me.

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Speaker 1: He's so he came back and he was like, and

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Speaker 1: I know, put the phone down and stop, and he

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Speaker 1: goes pretty much, Oh go, You're awesome, dude. That's funny.

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Speaker 1: And then I called you because you were texting me,

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Speaker 1: So do your symptoms fall in line with pre menopause

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Speaker 1: changes in period? Me? My mom she was thirty four

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Speaker 1: and she went to the doctors because she thought she

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Speaker 1: was having another baby. But like, how do how how

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Speaker 1: would I date pre menopausele pre menopause or boast? I

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Speaker 1: mean all the above, Like can you imagine being like, Hi,

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Speaker 1: I'm in menopause, I'm super sexy. Let's start there. I

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Speaker 1: don't think it would be any different. No, I just

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Speaker 1: heard that, like megmenopause scares me, and like the fact

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Speaker 1: that we've even are getting onto that level. It's usually

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Speaker 1: like fifty though, right. Do you know what my doctor

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Speaker 1: asked me the other day. We were talking about like

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Speaker 1: mammograms and colon stuff, colot whatever, and I'm like he's like,

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Speaker 1: we gotta start thinking about that. He's like, but that's

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Speaker 1: like in your fifties, and I was like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: that's like twelve years away. Well you started mammograms at forty.

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Speaker 1: I know that because you're I just started. Just did

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Speaker 1: my first one. Did they smash your booby? Yeah? Plant pops?

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Speaker 1: Can it pop? It won't pop, but I mean it

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Speaker 1: might feel like it's kind of stop. Yeah, that's fine.

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Speaker 1: I love doing it. Why did I am like give

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Speaker 1: me all the preventative crap, like test me for everything?

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Speaker 1: I want test for everything, and they won't do it.

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Speaker 1: Probably because of like radiation, Well yeah, probably, I know.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. You like, I don't want cancer, so

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Speaker 1: radiate me to like show me that I don't give me. Um, yeah, no,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I've always just like, wasn't your mom

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Speaker 1: kind of I mean, I don't know. I don't remember

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Speaker 1: with my mom going through I'm just gonna need to

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Speaker 1: start doing research. I think the heart flashes and stuff

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Speaker 1: like that, and then obviously like, I mean, yes, there's

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Speaker 1: a lot of negatives to it. But honestly, though a

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Speaker 1: hot flash sounds great, I'm always freezing. Yes, we can

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Speaker 1: turn the air down in your house. Is it really

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Speaker 1: that bad? I mean it's okay right now, but it's

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Speaker 1: usually about sevent and it's roasting. I like a warmhouse.

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Speaker 1: What can I say, warm heart, a warmhouse, warm heart.

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Speaker 1: M I don't think that works. No, you know, I excape. Thanks. Um,

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Speaker 1: so there was that. That was my morning and UM

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Speaker 1: really excited to get Jace back into school. That's going

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Speaker 1: to be good. He's Um, what age do you think

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Speaker 1: you should bring a kid to therapy? Oh that's a

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Speaker 1: good question. I could see myself putting my twelve year

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Speaker 1: old in therapy. I think it depends. I think it

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Speaker 1: depends on trauma. I think it depends. He seems a little.

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Speaker 1: I know he's having a hard time. That seems a little.

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Speaker 1: I feel like at this age it would just be someone.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how how that would work at this stage. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out what's transition and what's divorced

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Speaker 1: with him so hard with his age. Yeah. The only

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Speaker 1: time I ever get angry at my ex now is

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Speaker 1: when the kid screams for him. It was Jason, when

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Speaker 1: Jay screams for him because I'm like, I don't want

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Speaker 1: look he's upset like that breaks my heart because you know,

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Speaker 1: my kids are like triggers life. Yeah, so I'm like, God,

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Speaker 1: I hate you for doing this. Um. That was not

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Speaker 1: nice to say, though, I mean, I think it's only

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Speaker 1: human and I think he would understand that. Um. But

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Speaker 1: I also think that as he gets older, I mean,

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Speaker 1: he's still young, He's not going to keep screaming for

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Speaker 1: his dad. I wouldn't think as he gets older. You know,

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Speaker 1: it worries me too, is other kids, Like what if

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Speaker 1: I start hanging out with some of that has kids,

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Speaker 1: That'll be interesting because like the kids would be attached.

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Speaker 1: It's like when do you introduce the kids at the kid?

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Speaker 1: That is a big Yeah. I would wait a while

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Speaker 1: because like I mean, of course I would get attached

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Speaker 1: to the kids, but like my kids would get attached

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Speaker 1: to the kids. And I saw like my brother's divorce

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Speaker 1: and play out secondhand with that because it's like they

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Speaker 1: were all and then it's just then they don't see

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Speaker 1: the kids anymore. It's like, well, how unfair is that

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Speaker 1: for the kids? I think unless you're able to be

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Speaker 1: like absolute adults about it and allow them to still

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Speaker 1: have a relationship. And I feel like I know somebody

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Speaker 1: in that situation, um where they just you know, they

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Speaker 1: were like brothers and sisters for a while, so you

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Speaker 1: kind of have to allow them to still have that

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Speaker 1: relationship if you introduce it. If I would never force it,

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Speaker 1: but if it's something they wanted, because you're ripping something

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Speaker 1: from them, you know. I you know what I started

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Speaker 1: thinking there day too, is I'm the holidays. I started

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Speaker 1: working on the calendar because I in charge of doing

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Speaker 1: our co parenting calendar. And it's just that I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, you know, things change weekly daily, yes,

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Speaker 1: with my life, and I'm like, I just I hope

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Speaker 1: that I'm not if I please help me not be

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Speaker 1: sad like I came and talked about during the holidays. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it'll be hard for you. Yeah, it'll be hard. I

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Speaker 1: can think about. Okay, next topics, give that one some time.

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Speaker 1: Next topic, Um, what's funny right now in the world?

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Speaker 1: What's funny? Talking my kids? I just get upset. I

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Speaker 1: know that's me in therapy. Oh, speaking of therapy, Canna

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Speaker 1: say what the other day? Please? That was hilarious, which

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Speaker 1: but I just want to say, though, I need you

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Speaker 1: to affirm yourself that you are making that choice for

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Speaker 1: yourself not anybody else. Oh yes, And honestly, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to be honest. I think this podcast was that a

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Speaker 1: lot to do with it. Talking to cal the other

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Speaker 1: day a couple weeks ago, like that was that was good? Um,

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Speaker 1: And obviously you're always helpful with that. But yes, I

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Speaker 1: mean I think with me, it's like I'm like, yes,

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Speaker 1: I but I can only push you so far. I

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Speaker 1: can you just like help with You're very helpful with yeah. Um.

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Speaker 1: Which I've seen a therapist before, years ago. It's been

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Speaker 1: a long time. So I decided that I was going

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Speaker 1: to call a therapist and sit down, you know whatever. Um.

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Speaker 1: So I asked Janna for hers, which we had talked

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Speaker 1: to her on the podcast before. Um, Amy Alexander over

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Speaker 1: at a refuge center in Nashville or Franklin. They're incredible. Yes.

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Speaker 1: So loved her, loved talking to her that day. So

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Speaker 1: I was like, I'll reach out to Amy. So I

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Speaker 1: amail Amy and I'm like new client and I'm like, hey,

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Speaker 1: it's Katherine, you know blah blah blah. Um, I would

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Speaker 1: love if you have time to sit down with you

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah. And she was like, um, do you

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Speaker 1: have time today? For a quick five minute call, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, she's not gonna take me, Like what

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Speaker 1: do I need to say to make sure that she

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Speaker 1: takes me? Janna blah blah blah. So she calls me

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Speaker 1: and she's like, what would you say your main concern is?

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Speaker 1: And then I go into like, well, you know whatever,

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Speaker 1: my main concern um and then she's like, would you

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Speaker 1: like to share your main concern or no? Sure? I mean,

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Speaker 1: I like, of course, this is a five minute phone call.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, well, let's see, like I've been married

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Speaker 1: for fourteen years, we have wraps and downs and then

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Speaker 1: like I've got family trauma and blah blah blah. Say,

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Speaker 1: I go through the whole and trying to figure out

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Speaker 1: when I'm unhappy in our marriage, like why I'm unhappy,

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Speaker 1: not just like what he's doing wrong or you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm very aware that it's a lot of times is

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Speaker 1: me and me being unhappy and just kind of trying

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Speaker 1: to figure me out more, I guess, and then obviously

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Speaker 1: going back to the childhood traumas and stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: So I go into the whole spiel and clearly I

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Speaker 1: figure out that's like really not what she wanted and

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Speaker 1: she's like okay. She's like, well, she's like beating around

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Speaker 1: the bush a little bit. But you know, she was like,

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Speaker 1: usually I don't see like family members or good friends

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Speaker 1: of other clients. And I was like, oh no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm not coming to talk about Janna. She's great. She's like, okay,

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Speaker 1: as long as that's not part of your concern. I

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Speaker 1: was like, no, that's pretty funny. I love it. She

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Speaker 1: was just like, you can't come in here and like

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Speaker 1: like Janna, she's just like the worst boss ever. Like

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Speaker 1: and so then I told Janna, I was like, you're

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Speaker 1: gonna know when I go get another therapist, it's because

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Speaker 1: I'm not happy with you. Oh my god, that would

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Speaker 1: be the worst anymore. Oh what am I doing wrong?

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Speaker 1: Wait wait await, but I mean vice versa. You can't

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Speaker 1: talk about me either, but I talk about you all

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Speaker 1: the time, but not in a way of like negative.

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Speaker 1: I'll just be like, oh, Catherine brought this up to

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Speaker 1: me and she made a really good write or like

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Speaker 1: Catherine noticed this and me and because it's like those again,

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Speaker 1: like you are the one that kind of um sees

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Speaker 1: me or you see me every day, so you're the

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Speaker 1: ones that you hold you pay them, especially hold me accountable.

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Speaker 1: So when you say something to me, then I usually

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Speaker 1: write it down and then bring that to therapy and

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Speaker 1: be like, hey, they brought this up, like why do

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Speaker 1: I do that right? Or like how how come? Or

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Speaker 1: which I'm sure I'll do that too because you point

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Speaker 1: out all that you know, yeah, like I know, just

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Speaker 1: talk about each other. But no, no, it's just that

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Speaker 1: we just can't say like like you can't be my problem.

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Speaker 1: I can't problem would suck. I feel like we're good though, right, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: everything's great, everything, everything is fine. But I'm really really

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Speaker 1: proud of you because I think it's I think, if

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Speaker 1: I can speak openly, I feel like you, um, I

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Speaker 1: make up that you think there has to be an

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Speaker 1: issue wrong with the marriage, like Nick cheats or he

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Speaker 1: drinks or he is and for for why, like you

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Speaker 1: might be unhappy, and it's like there, there doesn't need

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Speaker 1: to be a reason, it's just but figuring out why

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Speaker 1: you're unhappy is you know the goal? I guess right

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Speaker 1: for sure? Well, I think it all goes back to

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Speaker 1: you know, my pa, it's getting divorced and my mom leaving,

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Speaker 1: and they're not being a real reason. But also the

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Speaker 1: mom leaving, So I have this whole and I've always

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Speaker 1: told him. I've told him from the very beginning of

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Speaker 1: our marriage, like I will never stay in a marriage

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Speaker 1: just for the kids, because my parents tried to, Like

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Speaker 1: my mom tried to stay until I was eighteen, but

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Speaker 1: she ended up leaving a sixteen. And I was like,

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Speaker 1: if you're unhappy, you should have left a long time ago.

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Speaker 1: But I think that trauma. It's like I don't want

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Speaker 1: to be not that we're getting divorced, but like I

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Speaker 1: don't want to be the one to leave or unless

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Speaker 1: I have a reason, I guess well, And unfortunately you

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Speaker 1: have said to me a lot like I mean, like

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Speaker 1: it's not like Mike, like he didn't didn't nicked and cheat,

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Speaker 1: and like Kavine, he doesn't have to cheat for me

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Speaker 1: to be unhappy. Like there's things and like again, you

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Speaker 1: guys have been married for so long, and I'm so

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Speaker 1: proud that like you're going to figure out like because

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Speaker 1: it might have nothing to do. It might be little

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Speaker 1: things that like y'all can figure out together. But also

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Speaker 1: fourteen years is a long time, Like you know, those

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Speaker 1: we've had people on and you just might have missed

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Speaker 1: that one season of growing back together, you know, when

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Speaker 1: Pastor cal Had says something that was so helpful because

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Speaker 1: it was like, you know a lot of the time,

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Speaker 1: it's not necessarily like it's something going on in you,

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Speaker 1: and that's what kind of prompted it. Like I feel

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Speaker 1: that way, Like I don't feel like, I mean, it's

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Speaker 1: a great guy, you know, I mean it's not like

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Speaker 1: but is it? You know, I find myself in these

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Speaker 1: moments when I'm upset with him where I'm ad. I'm

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Speaker 1: just like, I feel like this is more just my feeling.

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Speaker 1: I don't. I don't really honestly feel like there's really

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Speaker 1: something specific he's doing that it's more me. So I

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Speaker 1: just have to kind of is that where the emotion

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Speaker 1: comes from? Then when you going to therapy? Is that

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Speaker 1: really emotion? Like when you because when you because I

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Speaker 1: you rarely cry, Oh I do in therapy, right, So

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Speaker 1: that's that's where I'm like, what's feel like, Oh, it's

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Speaker 1: either talking about my kids, just like I mean if

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Speaker 1: I talk if I go in therapy and I talk

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Speaker 1: about like how it's going to affect my kids, I

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Speaker 1: mean that makes me cry every time. Um or when

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Speaker 1: I do get because I can be vulnerable. I do

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Speaker 1: not like to be vulnerable, but I can. I just

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Speaker 1: don't think I was taught to. I think I grew

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Speaker 1: up in a family where you don't talk about feelings,

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Speaker 1: you don't show affection, you don't I don't know how

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Speaker 1: to do that in like a healthy way, and just

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Speaker 1: literally was not shown how to do that. So I

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Speaker 1: just automatically put up a wall. If something happens, wall

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Speaker 1: goes up, you know. Um. But in therapy, I can

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Speaker 1: be vulnerable. I can talk about it. So that's usually

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Speaker 1: where the emotion will come too, because I'm addressing the

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Speaker 1: things in me that are not like I could be like, well,

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Speaker 1: I know I did this and this was wrong in

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Speaker 1: our marriage, and that will make me upset, you know.

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Speaker 1: So Yeah, and you've suppressed these feelings for probably years

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Speaker 1: and years, so it's like it's all just like bottles.

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Speaker 1: I don't like to talk about it, Yeah, Or if

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Speaker 1: we start to talk about whatever it is, then I'll

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Speaker 1: usually just it'll just be a blow up because I

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Speaker 1: don't want to talk about it. He's better at talking

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Speaker 1: about things than I am, for sure, But I'm so

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Speaker 1: out of you appreciate that. I'm really proud um. All right, Well,

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Speaker 1: on that note, we have Mel Robbins coming on, who

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Speaker 1: is an incredible emotional UM speaker, motivational, emotional. She was

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Speaker 1: very emotional, No, incredible motivational speaker. She's um. We had

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Speaker 1: her on last January. It was last January, last January,

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Speaker 1: no mom, January, mom mom before that. Yeah, oh yeah, wow,

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Speaker 1: m yep. So I'm gonna have her on and I've

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Speaker 1: do you remember her five three two one? Remember she

364
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,240
Speaker 1: was five four three two one? Get up and do

365
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:52,479
Speaker 1: like I've used that in since the divorce because there

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Speaker 1: were so many times where I would just like lay

367
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Speaker 1: there staring at a wall and I'm like, okay, I

368
00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,520
Speaker 1: no joke, have to count myself down to get up,

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Speaker 1: and it's fascinating how it does work. So I'm gonna

370
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:06,480
Speaker 1: bring yourself to her again and um take a break

371
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:23,159
Speaker 1: and have her. What up everybody? Hi? How are you?

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Speaker 1: I miss you? Oh? Well, it's so nice to see you. Boy.

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Speaker 1: You've had a hell of a year. Girlfriend, talk about

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Speaker 1: it now right we can? And you know what's so

375
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:43,119
Speaker 1: crazy is I referenced that the Momuary back in last January,

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Speaker 1: and I obviously couldn't tell people at the time, what

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00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:50,600
Speaker 1: was going on last January? UM, And I honestly didn't

378
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:55,480
Speaker 1: even know the full extent of it until a few

379
00:20:55,520 --> 00:21:01,320
Speaker 1: months ago. But UM, I just remember I always remembered

380
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,080
Speaker 1: your words, I always remembered what you said, and it

381
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:07,160
Speaker 1: was just I have such a and since that day

382
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Speaker 1: and since that podcast with you, I've just had such

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00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:11,280
Speaker 1: a connection to you in your words, because you're just

384
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Speaker 1: so right. Well, I mean, I don't want to be

385
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:22,040
Speaker 1: right honestly, I feel like, Um, having talked to so

386
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:29,200
Speaker 1: many people, reaching so many people, and also studying and

387
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:33,159
Speaker 1: digging so deep into the research around human behavior and

388
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,440
Speaker 1: habits and all this stuff, and also having like kind

389
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:38,000
Speaker 1: of screwed up my own life. I've been on both

390
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:41,760
Speaker 1: the receiving end of heartbreak and I've been on the

391
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:47,600
Speaker 1: delivering end of it and struggling with childhood drama and

392
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:51,040
Speaker 1: really only fully starting to understand it. They're just patterns

393
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:54,000
Speaker 1: of behavior, there are patterns of thinking that trip us

394
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Speaker 1: all up. And you know, the one thing that I

395
00:21:56,640 --> 00:22:02,760
Speaker 1: want you to know is that you are really really

396
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:06,800
Speaker 1: well known. But I think in in it's important for

397
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 1: you to also understand I didn't even know what was

398
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:14,280
Speaker 1: going on in your life. Recently until we sat down

399
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:18,159
Speaker 1: to UM, you know, do this interview and I and

400
00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:19,879
Speaker 1: I basically was like, well, let me see what's been

401
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,359
Speaker 1: going on since I talked to her last time. And

402
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,239
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god. And so I want you

403
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:26,119
Speaker 1: to know that it can feel like the whole world

404
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:33,159
Speaker 1: knows everything that's happening, and don't allow yourself to magnify

405
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 1: this because I want you to know your friend Mel

406
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,760
Speaker 1: Robbins didn't have a clue about any of the details

407
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:41,160
Speaker 1: of anything. And so I think understanding that not everybody

408
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 1: knows and that life will go on, and don't magnify

409
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,000
Speaker 1: the stuff that's happening in your life to something bigger

410
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:53,520
Speaker 1: than it is, because the stuff that you're going through

411
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Speaker 1: so many people go through and most people aren't even

412
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Speaker 1: paying attention. And so I don't want you to feel

413
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:01,359
Speaker 1: self conscious. I actually think that your story and the

414
00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:03,720
Speaker 1: things that you're going through and your willingness to talk

415
00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:06,760
Speaker 1: about what you will or what you won't UM, it

416
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Speaker 1: helps everybody. Well, I mean, thank you for saying that.

417
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Speaker 1: And I think I think I struggled with UM because

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00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 1: you are such like the comeback like you're the comeback relationship.

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00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:21,560
Speaker 1: You're the comeback, you know, and like all of that

420
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:23,879
Speaker 1: was like, you know, your marriage was about to fall apart.

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Speaker 1: You were depressed, and so I looked at you and

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00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:29,239
Speaker 1: I understood the words that you were saying a year

423
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:30,560
Speaker 1: and a half ago. But at the same time, I'm like,

424
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,640
Speaker 1: well if if that, if they can change, then we can.

425
00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:37,200
Speaker 1: Well what exactly did I say to you? So let's

426
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:42,040
Speaker 1: go there. Um, when you you mentioned something about repeated

427
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:46,359
Speaker 1: patterns or something to be to take notice of. Yeah, like,

428
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:48,439
Speaker 1: don't listen to what somebody says, watch what they do,

429
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:52,800
Speaker 1: and then pattern to see the pattern to continue to repeat.

430
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:56,240
Speaker 1: It's kind of like you basically said, he's not gonna

431
00:23:56,320 --> 00:24:01,920
Speaker 1: not cheat. Yes, correct, and you were right like you

432
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:04,160
Speaker 1: you know, it's and and it was And I think

433
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:07,600
Speaker 1: that was so hard because I wanted to look at

434
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:11,119
Speaker 1: other people's lives that have made at work and being like,

435
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,920
Speaker 1: well maybe this is the Maybe now they'll eventually change.

436
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:18,280
Speaker 1: Maybe now we can actually do what we say we're doing. Well,

437
00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:22,680
Speaker 1: I want to ask you a question, Sure, when did

438
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:29,480
Speaker 1: you know that he was going to cheat again? Because

439
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:36,200
Speaker 1: my suspicion is that your issue is that you're not

440
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:42,679
Speaker 1: listening to yourself and if you look back on the

441
00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:44,960
Speaker 1: patterns in your life. And I don't even know the

442
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:47,720
Speaker 1: patterns in your life, but if you look back on

443
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:52,720
Speaker 1: the patterns in your own life, I guarantee you what

444
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:56,080
Speaker 1: you will see when you're taking a very hard and

445
00:24:56,160 --> 00:25:00,879
Speaker 1: honest look as a pattern of behavior. Are you know

446
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 1: what is true? And you betray yourself for the sake

447
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:12,399
Speaker 1: of somebody else. And it is probably a pattern that

448
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 1: has been going on since you were a little girl.

449
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:17,719
Speaker 1: And the reason why I say this is because in

450
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:23,679
Speaker 1: my own life, the biggest heartbreaks, the biggest punches in

451
00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:27,160
Speaker 1: the face, the most horrible things that I've ever had

452
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:31,560
Speaker 1: to go through. When I really stop and I take

453
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 1: a look at myself, I realized, holy shot, this is

454
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:43,440
Speaker 1: a pattern that has been present in my life, typically

455
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:48,560
Speaker 1: due to trauma from childhood that life has been trying

456
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:51,240
Speaker 1: to wake me up to. And it's just gotten bigger

457
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:55,119
Speaker 1: and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger until life

458
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:58,119
Speaker 1: hands me a sledgehammer and I finally wake up and

459
00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 1: pay attention. So, for example, I'm going to share a story,

460
00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:06,480
Speaker 1: um so I um you know, I think I can

461
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,640
Speaker 1: remember if we talked about this when I was when

462
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:10,280
Speaker 1: I had a conversation with you last time, but we

463
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:14,040
Speaker 1: I shared you know this story is public. When I

464
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:17,199
Speaker 1: was in the fourth grade, I was molested and we

465
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:20,720
Speaker 1: were on a skeep vacation with a bunch of other

466
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,560
Speaker 1: families and all the kids were in a bunk room

467
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 1: and I woke up, as a fourth grader in the

468
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:28,400
Speaker 1: middle of the night. I was dead asleep. I woke

469
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:30,080
Speaker 1: up and there was an older kid on top of me.

470
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 1: And the fact is, in terms of the span of

471
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,159
Speaker 1: things that can happen in somebody's life, in terms of

472
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:39,760
Speaker 1: sexual abuse, this was really mild. It was a one off.

473
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:45,320
Speaker 1: It was not scary. It was confusing, and I literally

474
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:48,400
Speaker 1: disassociated in the moment as this kid was on top

475
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,040
Speaker 1: of me. And I don't even know how it ended.

476
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:54,399
Speaker 1: I just woke up the next morning and I felt

477
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:57,280
Speaker 1: that something was wrong, and I felt that I had

478
00:26:57,320 --> 00:27:01,560
Speaker 1: done something wrong. And then I walked downstairs and my

479
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:04,240
Speaker 1: mom is there cooking breakfast with the other moms, and

480
00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:06,840
Speaker 1: she turns and just says, hi, honey, how to sleep?

481
00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:10,679
Speaker 1: And I immediately wanted to tell her, but there was

482
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:14,639
Speaker 1: this kid right at the corner of my eye. Now,

483
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:18,880
Speaker 1: my mom's amazing. My mom grew up on a cattle farm.

484
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:21,080
Speaker 1: She would have taken that spatchel and knocked that kid

485
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,480
Speaker 1: into next week. Like there was no question how my

486
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:28,840
Speaker 1: mother was going to respond to this. I could not

487
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:32,679
Speaker 1: predict how he was going to and so in that moment,

488
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:36,639
Speaker 1: I betrayed myself and I did not tell the truth.

489
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:39,159
Speaker 1: And I did it in order to keep the peace.

490
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:45,080
Speaker 1: And what's interesting, and look, here's the thing about human beings.

491
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:51,760
Speaker 1: We are unbelievably designed. There's so much intelligence in our

492
00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:53,600
Speaker 1: DNA and her body and her soul, in her mind

493
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:56,120
Speaker 1: and her spirit, and all of it is amazing. There

494
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:59,639
Speaker 1: is one profound, fundamental flaw in human design, and that

495
00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 1: is when you're a little kid and something happens to you,

496
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:06,080
Speaker 1: you do not have the life experience most of us

497
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:09,119
Speaker 1: don't have the support system, and you do not have

498
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:12,200
Speaker 1: the internal wirling to go, well, this is screwed up.

499
00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:15,560
Speaker 1: That kid probably did that because somebody's doing it to him.

500
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:19,880
Speaker 1: These adults should be arrested, Like no kid does that.

501
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 1: We all go there's something wrong with me, and we

502
00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:28,359
Speaker 1: stop listening and we silence that wisdom and that intuition,

503
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:30,760
Speaker 1: and then for the rest of your life you're like,

504
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:35,240
Speaker 1: what happens. In order to heal, you can take a

505
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:40,120
Speaker 1: look at where are the patterns that developed in your

506
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,320
Speaker 1: life where you were just trying to survive the stuff

507
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,360
Speaker 1: that happened to you as a kid. You're just doing

508
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:46,160
Speaker 1: the best that you could. And for me, the pattern

509
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:48,560
Speaker 1: that I can now see is that I was always

510
00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 1: drawn towards really big personalities, really unpredictable people, because they

511
00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:55,640
Speaker 1: felt fun and sexy and amazing. And then when I

512
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 1: would get close to that person that has a big personality,

513
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:02,560
Speaker 1: I would realize, oh, God, like this person is dangerous,

514
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:05,600
Speaker 1: they're a narcissist, or they are unpredictable, or through this

515
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:07,760
Speaker 1: or that. And then, just like I was in the

516
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:14,040
Speaker 1: fourth grade, worried about somebody's reaction, I would go right

517
00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 1: into that trauma pattern, but staying silent, I would know

518
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:21,800
Speaker 1: that I needed to not be a friend with this

519
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:25,320
Speaker 1: person or doing a business with this person, you know,

520
00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 1: in terms of conducting business that I shouldn't be, you know,

521
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:31,080
Speaker 1: having this person in my life in whatever capacity. Like

522
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:34,880
Speaker 1: it's over, and like the pattern is as clear as day.

523
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:38,000
Speaker 1: I'm drawn to a certain type of personality because it

524
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:41,040
Speaker 1: matches an old pattern, and then I go right into

525
00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:46,200
Speaker 1: the coping mechanism of allowing stuff to happen and staying

526
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:49,280
Speaker 1: silent about it, and then I'm the one that gets hurt.

527
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:53,200
Speaker 1: And so the breakthrough for me is in seeing that

528
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 1: it's connected to trauma, doing the work to heal my

529
00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:58,680
Speaker 1: nervous system so I don't get triggered, and being very

530
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:04,480
Speaker 1: mindful about the kinds of situations and the people that

531
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:10,240
Speaker 1: I'm around. And so I believe if you are being

532
00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:14,720
Speaker 1: honest with yourself, there was a moment where you knew

533
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 1: in your heart this this guy's gonna cheat again, and

534
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:21,560
Speaker 1: I know it, but for the sake of keeping the

535
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:24,320
Speaker 1: peace or being the good one or staying silent or whatever,

536
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:30,240
Speaker 1: you didn't listen to it. Mhm, No, I mean you're

537
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:36,000
Speaker 1: one thousand percent right. And when you said that, I

538
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,760
Speaker 1: started to just get like, you know, um, kind of

539
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:43,200
Speaker 1: a heavy chest and emotion emotional, just because yeah, I mean,

540
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:47,880
Speaker 1: if I if I really really truly we're being you know,

541
00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:54,880
Speaker 1: being honest. I mean, yeah, I probably I always knew

542
00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:59,560
Speaker 1: he had cheat. I just never wanted to believe that, yes,

543
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:04,000
Speaker 1: but you know, seeing the repeated patterns, and even when

544
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:07,440
Speaker 1: I spoke to you during that momuary, I mean knowing

545
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:09,600
Speaker 1: now what I know what was actually going on, then,

546
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:13,920
Speaker 1: um I I knew, like I there was that piece

547
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:15,680
Speaker 1: of me that that knew, just like my best friend

548
00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 1: Katherine was like I always knew, and I you know

549
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:22,440
Speaker 1: I had. And but also what's sad too is kind

550
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:24,680
Speaker 1: of what you were saying from my childhood, from traumas

551
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:27,000
Speaker 1: and stuff, that's I've always picked the abuser. And so

552
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:30,160
Speaker 1: there was something that happened when we first started dating

553
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 1: that I've don't think I'll ever actually share, but um

554
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:39,880
Speaker 1: in and in that moment, I was like, it was

555
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:43,080
Speaker 1: that sign like I have have to leave this, but

556
00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 1: I then that was that was that was that was

557
00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:48,920
Speaker 1: the moment that I betrayed myself was because I didn't

558
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 1: want to see his reaction or know what his reaction

559
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:53,840
Speaker 1: would be, so I allowed it to happen for the

560
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:56,720
Speaker 1: rest of our marriage. Well, so here's the thing I

561
00:31:56,720 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 1: want you to understand. So first things first, Um, especially

562
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,800
Speaker 1: as somebody that was a trained crisis intervention counselor and

563
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:07,600
Speaker 1: I volunteered on a domestic violence hotline for four years,

564
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 1: and being somebody that was a public defender from legal aid,

565
00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:12,960
Speaker 1: I want to make sure that you don't ever hear

566
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:15,840
Speaker 1: this as you're to blame for anything. What I want

567
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 1: you to understand is that inside every breakdown of your life,

568
00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:23,760
Speaker 1: inside every heartbreak, every trauma, every horrendous thing that you've

569
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:27,360
Speaker 1: ever survived, if you look closely, you will find the

570
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 1: keys that will unlock the cage that you've been trapped in.

571
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:34,360
Speaker 1: And I believe the cage that you're probably trapped in.

572
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:36,120
Speaker 1: And I'm just going to throw things at you and

573
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:38,200
Speaker 1: they're either going to feel like, oh that rings true

574
00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:41,560
Speaker 1: or not. Almost like if we were shopping, I would throw, hey,

575
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,200
Speaker 1: try this. I know you don't like this color bridges.

576
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 1: Try it on um and you're the one has to

577
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:47,160
Speaker 1: see if it fits. You're the one who has to

578
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:49,840
Speaker 1: unpack it with your therapist. But I think it's really

579
00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:56,000
Speaker 1: important for you two take this incredible thing that's happened

580
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:59,240
Speaker 1: in your life and see it as a dot on

581
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:01,760
Speaker 1: the map of your life, like everything that's ever happened

582
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 1: to you has led you to this moment, and this

583
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:07,920
Speaker 1: moment is going to lead you just like a dot,

584
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:12,000
Speaker 1: another dot on the map of your life to somewhere extraordinary.

585
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:15,920
Speaker 1: If you take the time to unpack the lesson that's

586
00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:18,600
Speaker 1: meant for you in this and what's meant for you

587
00:33:18,680 --> 00:33:21,960
Speaker 1: in this is not to blame yourself. It's not to

588
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:25,840
Speaker 1: excuse the behavior that you endured from somebody else. It's

589
00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 1: to understand what happened to you that made you equate

590
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:35,360
Speaker 1: this kind of treatment with love. And so it probably

591
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,640
Speaker 1: started with something you witnessed in childhood or experienced in

592
00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:40,120
Speaker 1: the home that you were growing up with. You don't

593
00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:43,480
Speaker 1: have to talk about it, but what I want you

594
00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:47,400
Speaker 1: to realize is somewhere along the line, in your your

595
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:52,400
Speaker 1: baby or your toddler or your young brain, the experience

596
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:58,959
Speaker 1: of being loved got fused with being treated poorly. And

597
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:02,280
Speaker 1: so what you need to do, in addition to healing

598
00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:04,440
Speaker 1: your nervous system, which we can talk about, we can

599
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:06,720
Speaker 1: talk about high five in your heart, which I definitely

600
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 1: want you to start doing, yes to talk about that, yep.

601
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:14,280
Speaker 1: And in addition to high fiving yourself in the mirror,

602
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:19,319
Speaker 1: which is so deep and which you need because what

603
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:23,799
Speaker 1: you've been doing, and what all of us do in

604
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:27,719
Speaker 1: various ways in our lives, is we look outside of

605
00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:33,960
Speaker 1: ourselves for love and validation. And the best way to

606
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:38,600
Speaker 1: heal yourself is to start working on and building an

607
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:46,160
Speaker 1: incredible partnership with yourself to learn how to love yourself,

608
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:51,640
Speaker 1: accept yourself, forgive yourself for exactly where you are right

609
00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 1: now and exactly where you're not. Because the relationship you

610
00:34:55,760 --> 00:35:00,160
Speaker 1: have with yourself is the foundation of every relation and

611
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 1: ship that you have in life. So if you are

612
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:06,919
Speaker 1: insecure with yourself, you will be insecure in other relationships.

613
00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:09,640
Speaker 1: If you don't truly love yourself and treat yourself with love,

614
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:12,320
Speaker 1: you will not even be able to accept that somebody

615
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:16,640
Speaker 1: else truly loves you. And so we need to and

616
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:20,279
Speaker 1: you have a huge opportunity to go. Okay, I get it,

617
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:24,839
Speaker 1: I get it. I need to truly empower myself and

618
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:28,239
Speaker 1: listen to all of those instincts and the wisdom that

619
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:31,719
Speaker 1: comes up, because the fact is I knew I just

620
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:33,680
Speaker 1: didn't listen to myself. That's all that happened. I was

621
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:36,200
Speaker 1: too scared to listen to myself. And I'm not even

622
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:39,880
Speaker 1: gonna blame myself for that. I'm I I'm just gonna

623
00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:42,799
Speaker 1: learn the lesson and I'm gonna forgive myself for not

624
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:47,160
Speaker 1: listening to myself, and then I'm gonna practice rebuilding a

625
00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:49,600
Speaker 1: connection and a trust with myself. And you can do

626
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:54,920
Speaker 1: it you can. Yeah, it's actually really awesome. No, I mean,

627
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:59,000
Speaker 1: it's definitely been fun to to do that because I

628
00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 1: think I have not listen to my gut for so

629
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:02,840
Speaker 1: many years in my life, and that's just been the

630
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:06,360
Speaker 1: like the biggest, like you said, betrayal. But I also

631
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:09,160
Speaker 1: it's you know, obviously working through some trauma pieces in

632
00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:12,160
Speaker 1: childhood and early relationships with like M d R with

633
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:14,359
Speaker 1: my therapist, and it's been it's been really good. But yeah,

634
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:18,680
Speaker 1: finding that worthiness that I am okay. I don't need

635
00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:21,960
Speaker 1: a validation from a man, I don't need um that

636
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:24,200
Speaker 1: I'm okay alone, Like all those things have been a

637
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:28,359
Speaker 1: true um blessing that has come out of this, like

638
00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:31,719
Speaker 1: the divorce um. And I'm still working on it, like

639
00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:35,040
Speaker 1: it's it's still I still have moments of um of

640
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:37,520
Speaker 1: self doubt and the voices and all those things Like God,

641
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:39,920
Speaker 1: of course who does it for It will be a

642
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:44,560
Speaker 1: lifelong journey. And because what you're talking about is repairing

643
00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 1: your nervous system from past trauma. And when your nervous

644
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:55,560
Speaker 1: system is hardwired to react, it reacts before your brain does.

645
00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:59,080
Speaker 1: And one of the things that I write about in

646
00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:01,360
Speaker 1: this new book that I want you to start practicing

647
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:03,080
Speaker 1: as this high five to your heart, and we can

648
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:05,520
Speaker 1: get into this because I think that when I unpack

649
00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:11,759
Speaker 1: everything for you, you're going to have a moment where

650
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:15,640
Speaker 1: you go, oh my god, like this is it. This

651
00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:32,759
Speaker 1: is foundational what Miles talking about. Before we get into

652
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:34,640
Speaker 1: the high five thing, I just want to say one

653
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:38,680
Speaker 1: thing that I the last and I was telling Catherine

654
00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:41,600
Speaker 1: this UM before you came on the last UM four

655
00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:45,319
Speaker 1: or five months post divorce. I have used five two

656
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:50,240
Speaker 1: one almost daily because when I get into those moments

657
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:53,000
Speaker 1: where I'm literally just staring at a wall, or I'm depressed,

658
00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:54,719
Speaker 1: or I'm missing my kids and because they're at their

659
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:57,680
Speaker 1: dads or UM or I just don't even want to

660
00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:01,000
Speaker 1: get up, I have used three to one and it

661
00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:04,600
Speaker 1: it's been incredible how much it actually works and just

662
00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:07,360
Speaker 1: it gets you up, and I'm like, okay, and I

663
00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:09,480
Speaker 1: just thank you for that because we I know, we

664
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:11,000
Speaker 1: talked about that, and you guys can listen to the

665
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:14,400
Speaker 1: podcast where you know she she goes into one. But

666
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:18,960
Speaker 1: it's incredible change of mindset that is so helpful when

667
00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:21,560
Speaker 1: you are just at your lowest. So I appreciate you

668
00:38:21,719 --> 00:38:24,960
Speaker 1: for that. Well, thank you for that, and thank you

669
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,759
Speaker 1: for using it. And I want to tell you something

670
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:31,480
Speaker 1: really exciting. So the five second rule, I mean, it's extraordinary.

671
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:34,280
Speaker 1: It's it's so dumb, it's so simple, it's so easy.

672
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:39,160
Speaker 1: It works, it's like weird. Um. The science behind it's crazy,

673
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:42,239
Speaker 1: and um, you know, we know millions of people's lives

674
00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:44,480
Speaker 1: who have changed, including a hundred and eleven people who

675
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:48,040
Speaker 1: have stopped themselves from attempting suicide by counting backwards five,

676
00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:50,759
Speaker 1: three to one and asking for help. And it is

677
00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:53,480
Speaker 1: a tool that will push you to interrupt thoughts that

678
00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:56,279
Speaker 1: are torturing you. It's a tool that will push you

679
00:38:56,320 --> 00:38:58,640
Speaker 1: to take action, push you to do the work to

680
00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:02,840
Speaker 1: change life. It's it's extraordinary as a tool that way.

681
00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:05,239
Speaker 1: But I need I need some more tools though, So

682
00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:06,759
Speaker 1: I want to hear. I want to I want to

683
00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:13,360
Speaker 1: tell you something. Even knowing all of that, I cannot

684
00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:17,080
Speaker 1: wait for you to truly understand and learn the high

685
00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:21,000
Speaker 1: five habit because I think it is even more profound,

686
00:39:21,840 --> 00:39:26,360
Speaker 1: it works even more deeply, and there is no mistake

687
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:30,480
Speaker 1: in why we're talking today because it is exactly what

688
00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 1: you need. And so let me tell you the story

689
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:37,359
Speaker 1: of how this got created. Because again, you know, like

690
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:40,480
Speaker 1: my brand of personal development is screw up my own life,

691
00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 1: find myself at a hole? Word can ladder Like, like,

692
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:49,319
Speaker 1: how do I get out of this? Yes? I can?

693
00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:52,399
Speaker 1: I just please be like somebody who reads this stuff

694
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 1: in a book and applies it. Why do I have

695
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:55,799
Speaker 1: to pick up my life? Like I don't understand why

696
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:58,000
Speaker 1: I have to make things so difficult? Thank you for doing?

697
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:02,319
Speaker 1: Like I said. Situation where I'm like, Okay, it's been

698
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:04,360
Speaker 1: five years since I have had a book out. I

699
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:06,279
Speaker 1: guess I need to write a book about five you know.

700
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:10,640
Speaker 1: But that's not what happened. Like I literally find myself

701
00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:13,400
Speaker 1: and this is not a pandemic book, but here's what

702
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:16,360
Speaker 1: happens in my in my life, So I find myself.

703
00:40:16,400 --> 00:40:19,840
Speaker 1: We all have a quarantine story, right, We all know

704
00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:23,279
Speaker 1: the moment that your life imploded because of COVID and

705
00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:26,160
Speaker 1: you're like, okay, this is actually a thing, and my

706
00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:28,400
Speaker 1: whole life just changed. And for me, when was it that?

707
00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:32,880
Speaker 1: When was it that you knew? Oh, like COVID is

708
00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:35,239
Speaker 1: for real and my whole life just changed. When I

709
00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:39,319
Speaker 1: got sent home from the movie, yeah, production shutdown, and

710
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:42,640
Speaker 1: I was like, well here we are, like we're all

711
00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:48,560
Speaker 1: locked down. Nanny went away. Never got one back, like yes, yes, yeah,

712
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:51,319
Speaker 1: like whether it was an email from work that no

713
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:54,640
Speaker 1: one's going to the office or you can't visit your grandparents. Uh,

714
00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:57,000
Speaker 1: you know, for me, it was very similar to yours.

715
00:40:57,080 --> 00:40:59,560
Speaker 1: We were filming my daytime talk show. Somebody walks in

716
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:02,080
Speaker 1: the studio at CBS Broadcast Center and says, COVID is

717
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:04,440
Speaker 1: in the building. You need to evacuate immediately, and like

718
00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:08,799
Speaker 1: that show canceled. I'm fired from my dream job. Don't

719
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:10,640
Speaker 1: get to say goodbye to the hundred and thirty people

720
00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:13,120
Speaker 1: I've been working with for a year. I'm driving home.

721
00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:15,680
Speaker 1: Next thing, you know, my daughter's calling from Spain, where

722
00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:18,480
Speaker 1: she's studying abroad during college. Oh my god, they're closing

723
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:20,000
Speaker 1: the borders. How am I going to get out of here?

724
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:22,680
Speaker 1: And then my daughter calls from usc where she's a

725
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:25,680
Speaker 1: music student. Oh my mom, they're shutting the door. What's

726
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:28,560
Speaker 1: a all? Next thing, you know, the next three weeks

727
00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:30,919
Speaker 1: are a blur. I'm in my pajamas for three weeks straight.

728
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:33,359
Speaker 1: I'm drinking bloody marries at eleven o'clock in the morning, Like,

729
00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:36,920
Speaker 1: I just have no idea. What's happening. Every speech is canceled,

730
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:39,960
Speaker 1: a book contract gets canceled. I'm fired from and I'm thinking,

731
00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:46,279
Speaker 1: are you kidding me? After working this hard? I have

732
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:51,279
Speaker 1: to reinvent myself again? Haven't we been through this? Come on? God? Like,

733
00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:54,840
Speaker 1: I'm literally so angry, and I'm also beaten down like

734
00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:57,319
Speaker 1: everybody else, Like I'm worried about the people that work

735
00:41:57,400 --> 00:41:59,879
Speaker 1: for me. I'm worried about making payroll. I'm worried about

736
00:41:59,920 --> 00:42:02,600
Speaker 1: my parents. I'm worried about frontline workers. I'm worried about

737
00:42:02,600 --> 00:42:07,400
Speaker 1: my kids who are anxiety stricken and angry and full

738
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:10,400
Speaker 1: of grief. And college is imploded, and just the world

739
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:12,960
Speaker 1: is upside down, and and I know everybody can relate

740
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:15,719
Speaker 1: to this. So I wake up one morning and I

741
00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:17,760
Speaker 1: just feel the way of the world on my shoulders.

742
00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:22,360
Speaker 1: I am overwhelmed by the amount I have to do,

743
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:25,719
Speaker 1: by the problems that I'm facing, by the stress that

744
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:29,440
Speaker 1: I feel, by the loneliness that I feel. I use

745
00:42:29,520 --> 00:42:31,720
Speaker 1: the five second or five or three to one, even

746
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:34,160
Speaker 1: thirteen years later, I don't like getting out of bed,

747
00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:36,640
Speaker 1: and I still use it every morning. And it's important

748
00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:38,719
Speaker 1: for everybody to know that, because I know we all

749
00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:41,120
Speaker 1: hear that. You know, if you practice something twenty one

750
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:43,000
Speaker 1: days in a row, it's a habit. Well, that's true

751
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:44,920
Speaker 1: if you like it. If you don't like what you

752
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:47,799
Speaker 1: have to do, you gotta keep on pushing yourself. And

753
00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:50,080
Speaker 1: so five or three to one, I pushed myself out

754
00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:52,160
Speaker 1: of bed. I always make my bed. On that morning,

755
00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:54,239
Speaker 1: I made the bed so I wouldn't crawl back into it.

756
00:42:54,719 --> 00:42:56,920
Speaker 1: I dragged myself to the bathroom and there I am

757
00:42:57,000 --> 00:43:04,120
Speaker 1: standing in my underwear and I feel you'll exhausted, and

758
00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:06,560
Speaker 1: I'm brushing my teeth, and all of a sudden, I

759
00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:10,440
Speaker 1: catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror, and

760
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:18,759
Speaker 1: I think, oh my god, you look like hell. And

761
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:22,920
Speaker 1: the woman I saw in the mirror had dark circles

762
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:26,120
Speaker 1: under her eyes, and a saggy neck, and one boobs

763
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:29,920
Speaker 1: hanging lower than the other, and gray hair is coming in.

764
00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:36,680
Speaker 1: She looked tired, overwhelmed, beaten down. I actually felt sad

765
00:43:36,719 --> 00:43:40,520
Speaker 1: for her, and I started picking her apart. And then,

766
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:43,560
Speaker 1: of course, once you start thinking a negative thought, your

767
00:43:43,560 --> 00:43:47,040
Speaker 1: thoughts just spiral even lower. I started like beating myself up.

768
00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:48,640
Speaker 1: Why to get up so late? I've got a zoom

769
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:50,680
Speaker 1: call in eight minutes. How I'm gonna pull myself together?

770
00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:52,719
Speaker 1: I see the dog at my feet. I haven't even

771
00:43:52,719 --> 00:43:55,960
Speaker 1: walked the damn dog yet. And here's the interesting thing.

772
00:43:57,080 --> 00:44:01,000
Speaker 1: If you had walked into the bathroom at that moment,

773
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:03,680
Speaker 1: I could have pivoted on a dime. I would have

774
00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:06,120
Speaker 1: been like, honey, oh come on, I know this isn't fair,

775
00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:09,000
Speaker 1: I know this sucks. I know you don't deserve it,

776
00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:12,959
Speaker 1: but if anybody can handle it, it's you. I would

777
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:14,920
Speaker 1: have picked you up. I would have sent you on

778
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 1: your way. But standing there with myself, I couldn't think

779
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:23,359
Speaker 1: of a damn thing to say. And you know what,

780
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:28,360
Speaker 1: I probably wouldn't have believed it anyway. That's how beaten

781
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:31,879
Speaker 1: down I felt. And I don't know what came over me,

782
00:44:33,560 --> 00:44:39,040
Speaker 1: but I literally raised my hand, as cheesy as it sounds,

783
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:41,120
Speaker 1: and I high five the woman I saw in the

784
00:44:41,160 --> 00:44:44,640
Speaker 1: mirror because I knew she needed it. And here's the thing.

785
00:44:45,719 --> 00:44:49,560
Speaker 1: It's not like lightning stroke and I suddenly, oh, like

786
00:44:49,719 --> 00:44:53,720
Speaker 1: changed my life. That's not what happened. But something shifted

787
00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:56,640
Speaker 1: like my I felt my shoulders drop, I felt my

788
00:44:56,719 --> 00:45:00,200
Speaker 1: chin lift. I laughed because it's so dumb, like I'm

789
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:02,359
Speaker 1: standing there in my underwearth a dog and I'm never

790
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:05,680
Speaker 1: brawn and I'm high fiving, like how pathetic is this?

791
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:10,279
Speaker 1: But I laugh and all of a sudden, I just

792
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:14,160
Speaker 1: feel a little better and I go on with my day. Now.

793
00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:18,759
Speaker 1: It was the second morning that something really clicked for me.

794
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:23,759
Speaker 1: I woke up, same overwhelmed, same problems. I used the

795
00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:25,440
Speaker 1: five second or five or three too, want to get

796
00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:28,520
Speaker 1: out of bed. I make my bed, I start walking

797
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:30,640
Speaker 1: to the bathroom, and as I'm about to round the

798
00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:35,440
Speaker 1: corner and step into the bathroom, I feel something I

799
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:42,880
Speaker 1: have never ever felt before. And this is what I felt.

800
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:46,320
Speaker 1: You know how when you go and you're going to

801
00:45:46,440 --> 00:45:48,960
Speaker 1: meet a friend for a cup of coffee, somebody you

802
00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:54,040
Speaker 1: really like, and you're about to walk into the coffee

803
00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:57,680
Speaker 1: shop to see this person you really like, What is

804
00:45:57,719 --> 00:46:02,080
Speaker 1: it that you feel happy a friend just to see

805
00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:05,600
Speaker 1: a friend? Yeah, Like you're like, oh friend, Yeah, you're

806
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:11,680
Speaker 1: excited looking forward to it. I felt that way about

807
00:46:11,719 --> 00:46:17,560
Speaker 1: the idea of seeing myself. You're being a friend here,

808
00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:20,719
Speaker 1: so yeah, I'm gonna be fifty three years old this year.

809
00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:24,680
Speaker 1: I have never felt that before. In my entire life,

810
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:30,240
Speaker 1: I have looked forward to seeing my outfit, we're seeing

811
00:46:30,239 --> 00:46:34,440
Speaker 1: my hairstyle or how the new eye shadow looks. I

812
00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:39,440
Speaker 1: have never experienced the feeling of looking forward to seeing

813
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:43,240
Speaker 1: the human being. Mel Robbins. Do you think it's because

814
00:46:43,239 --> 00:46:47,480
Speaker 1: we always carry our shame or we carry our past

815
00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:49,920
Speaker 1: and we're like, oh, we're not worthy enough, we're not

816
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:51,880
Speaker 1: good enough, we're not like it's all the negative voices

817
00:46:51,880 --> 00:46:53,919
Speaker 1: that we've put on us that like, why why would

818
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:56,080
Speaker 1: I want to be me friend? Catherine wants to be

819
00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:59,359
Speaker 1: my friend, but I don't want to be my friend. Yeah, why,

820
00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:02,640
Speaker 1: I think it's those so deep? I think it is

821
00:47:02,680 --> 00:47:04,759
Speaker 1: so deep. I think we have a habit that we

822
00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:08,520
Speaker 1: don't realize. Everybody talks about morning routines. Will you have one?

823
00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:11,720
Speaker 1: You stand in front of yourself and you either ignore

824
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:18,360
Speaker 1: yourself or you beat the out of yourself. That's your habit,

825
00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:21,600
Speaker 1: that's your relationship with yourself. That's what everybody on the

826
00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:25,840
Speaker 1: planet does. And so as I walked into the bathroom

827
00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:30,080
Speaker 1: that morning, this whole idea of the high five felt

828
00:47:30,080 --> 00:47:33,560
Speaker 1: a little bit more profound. And so I finished brushing

829
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:35,719
Speaker 1: my teeth and I and I want you know, when

830
00:47:35,719 --> 00:47:38,000
Speaker 1: you practice this, do it right after you brush your teeth,

831
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:40,280
Speaker 1: because based on the research, when you stack a habit

832
00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:42,520
Speaker 1: with some a new habit with something you're already doing,

833
00:47:43,120 --> 00:47:46,279
Speaker 1: it's way easier for your brain to remember it, to

834
00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:48,880
Speaker 1: encode it in your neural pathways, and to make it

835
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:52,120
Speaker 1: something you always do. And so I put the toothbrush

836
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:54,560
Speaker 1: down and I take a minute, and I'm just staring

837
00:47:54,560 --> 00:47:57,239
Speaker 1: at myself and I'm not even seeing my face or

838
00:47:57,280 --> 00:47:59,480
Speaker 1: my body. I'm just seeing the human being the woman

839
00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:01,759
Speaker 1: that is re flected back in the mirror. And it's

840
00:48:01,760 --> 00:48:04,719
Speaker 1: a very intimate moment. And what I've found in researching

841
00:48:04,960 --> 00:48:09,000
Speaker 1: now this book is how startling it is how many

842
00:48:09,040 --> 00:48:13,719
Speaker 1: people don't even and can't even look at themselves. And

843
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:18,000
Speaker 1: so I thought to myself, and this is the first

844
00:48:18,040 --> 00:48:19,480
Speaker 1: thing that you're going to do when you practice this,

845
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:21,960
Speaker 1: is look at the human being that's staring back at you,

846
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 1: because that's the person you go through life with. There's

847
00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:26,560
Speaker 1: only one human being you spend your whole life with,

848
00:48:26,719 --> 00:48:30,840
Speaker 1: and they're with you every morning in the mirror, and

849
00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:35,440
Speaker 1: they need you. They need your support, they need your encouragement,

850
00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:37,799
Speaker 1: they need you to cheer for them. They need to

851
00:48:37,840 --> 00:48:39,759
Speaker 1: be seen, they need to be felt, they need to

852
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:43,120
Speaker 1: be heard, and you have spent almost your whole life

853
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:48,200
Speaker 1: ignoring them. And so I want you to think, for

854
00:48:48,239 --> 00:48:52,240
Speaker 1: just a second, what does the woman in the mirror

855
00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:54,960
Speaker 1: need for me today? How do I need to show

856
00:48:55,080 --> 00:48:58,239
Speaker 1: up for her? And it's an interesting way to set

857
00:48:58,280 --> 00:49:00,520
Speaker 1: an intention because normally, as you think about the day ahead,

858
00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:01,920
Speaker 1: you're thinking about all the things you need to do,

859
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:04,799
Speaker 1: which are typically for everybody else. I want you to

860
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:08,840
Speaker 1: take an intentional moment of reflection with you, and research

861
00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:11,799
Speaker 1: from Harvard shows that simply reflecting on how you're going

862
00:49:11,840 --> 00:49:14,920
Speaker 1: to show up today for less than a minute, it

863
00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:18,040
Speaker 1: changes your level of focus and productivity, and it changes

864
00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:20,840
Speaker 1: how you show up and your ability to impact people

865
00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:24,640
Speaker 1: around you, including yourself. So ask yourself, how can you

866
00:49:24,680 --> 00:49:26,239
Speaker 1: show up for the person that you see in the

867
00:49:26,239 --> 00:49:28,759
Speaker 1: mirror today? And then secondly, ask yourself, what game are

868
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:31,200
Speaker 1: we going to play today? Like what matters to me

869
00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:34,480
Speaker 1: that I can make a little progress on? And then

870
00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:37,040
Speaker 1: once you kind of think about that, just raise your

871
00:49:37,080 --> 00:49:40,360
Speaker 1: hand and seal it with a high five. Now here's

872
00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:47,560
Speaker 1: the interesting thing about this. The science on this is crazy, absolutely,

873
00:49:47,960 --> 00:49:52,880
Speaker 1: Like you cannot believe how incredible of an idea this is.

874
00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:55,720
Speaker 1: Because I'm about to prove to you that you don't

875
00:49:55,760 --> 00:49:58,440
Speaker 1: have to do anything other than raise your hand in

876
00:49:58,520 --> 00:50:01,200
Speaker 1: high five yourself. You don't have to didn't anything, say anything,

877
00:50:01,239 --> 00:50:04,960
Speaker 1: You don't have to do anything. Your entire nervous system,

878
00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:10,080
Speaker 1: your heart, and your brain are already programmed to receive

879
00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:14,520
Speaker 1: this new like programming. I'm gonna give you. It's incredible.

880
00:50:15,360 --> 00:50:18,600
Speaker 1: So here's what's gonna here's what's gonna happen. First of all,

881
00:50:18,680 --> 00:50:21,279
Speaker 1: when you first do this tomorrow morning, you gotta give

882
00:50:21,320 --> 00:50:23,239
Speaker 1: me five days of doing this in a row. You

883
00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:25,520
Speaker 1: cannot do this for one day and then roll your eyes.

884
00:50:25,840 --> 00:50:28,840
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be with you so because we're going away,

885
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:31,440
Speaker 1: so we're like, I'm gonna I want to watch you

886
00:50:31,480 --> 00:50:33,480
Speaker 1: in the mirror and do it too. Okay, you gotta

887
00:50:33,520 --> 00:50:37,480
Speaker 1: do this five days in a row. Because number one,

888
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:39,680
Speaker 1: it's gonna feel weird. And let me explain to you,

889
00:50:39,719 --> 00:50:44,359
Speaker 1: based on using neuroscience, why it will feel weird. Your

890
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:47,640
Speaker 1: brain is not wired to do new things. Your brain

891
00:50:47,719 --> 00:50:49,480
Speaker 1: loves patterns. This is why you and I were talking

892
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:52,840
Speaker 1: about patterns last time. And so I write, I'm a

893
00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:55,200
Speaker 1: right hander. I don't even think when I'm writing with

894
00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:58,600
Speaker 1: my right hand because it's already a pattern. I could

895
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:01,440
Speaker 1: write with my left hand, but how would it feel

896
00:51:02,120 --> 00:51:05,480
Speaker 1: weird because I've never done it before. But if I

897
00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:07,600
Speaker 1: kept writing with my right hand, Let's say I lost

898
00:51:07,640 --> 00:51:09,360
Speaker 1: my arm in an accident, I could learn how to

899
00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:12,239
Speaker 1: write with my left hand, and over time, by repeating it,

900
00:51:12,239 --> 00:51:14,600
Speaker 1: it would become the second nature and wouldn't feel weird.

901
00:51:15,040 --> 00:51:17,080
Speaker 1: So the high five is going to feel weird in

902
00:51:17,120 --> 00:51:20,399
Speaker 1: your body because you've never done it before, and in fact,

903
00:51:20,520 --> 00:51:24,120
Speaker 1: you're breaking a habit. That's the opposite of high fiving yourself.

904
00:51:24,160 --> 00:51:28,719
Speaker 1: You are literally breaking the habit of criticizing yourself. So

905
00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:32,200
Speaker 1: the cool thing is that when you go to raise

906
00:51:32,239 --> 00:51:36,160
Speaker 1: your hand and high five your own reflection, your brain

907
00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:41,319
Speaker 1: will kick into a subconscious mode. So let's talk about

908
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:43,359
Speaker 1: a high five. When you give somebody a high five.

909
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:45,400
Speaker 1: When you're like high five and your kids or a

910
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:47,640
Speaker 1: friend high fives you, what is a high five? The

911
00:51:47,760 --> 00:51:52,840
Speaker 1: gesture alone communicate to you, good job, you're awesome. You

912
00:51:52,920 --> 00:51:56,480
Speaker 1: do that to me every time. I so, so when

913
00:51:56,480 --> 00:51:59,840
Speaker 1: she high fives you, what does it feel? I know

914
00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:02,160
Speaker 1: you do, I know, It's like I don't know. It

915
00:52:02,239 --> 00:52:05,600
Speaker 1: feels very validating. It feels very like you know, it

916
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:08,960
Speaker 1: feels good. Yeah, it's I believe in you, I see

917
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:12,080
Speaker 1: you keep going. I love you. If somebody's going down

918
00:52:12,160 --> 00:52:14,279
Speaker 1: and our attitude or energy is low and you high five,

919
00:52:14,320 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 1: somebody's like, shug it off, come on, we got this.

920
00:52:16,640 --> 00:52:21,520
Speaker 1: It's celebratory, it's empowering. It's it's positive, it is supportive,

921
00:52:21,719 --> 00:52:26,040
Speaker 1: it's validating. You said the word. It validates your most

922
00:52:26,160 --> 00:52:29,640
Speaker 1: foundational needs of being seen, of being loved, being celebrated.

923
00:52:29,680 --> 00:52:33,920
Speaker 1: It feels so good. All of that positive programming associated

924
00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:35,680
Speaker 1: with a high five that you've given to other people,

925
00:52:35,800 --> 00:52:38,640
Speaker 1: it's already in your brain. So when you raise your

926
00:52:38,680 --> 00:52:42,280
Speaker 1: hand to your own reflection, your brain recognizes the gesturing

927
00:52:42,520 --> 00:52:46,520
Speaker 1: and you cannot think, I suck, I screwed up my marriage,

928
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:49,280
Speaker 1: my kids are ruined. You can't even think it because

929
00:52:49,280 --> 00:52:53,000
Speaker 1: your brain won't allow it because forever it has associated

930
00:52:53,040 --> 00:52:56,080
Speaker 1: that positive stuff with the gesture. So the more you

931
00:52:56,160 --> 00:52:59,240
Speaker 1: do it, you silence the stuff you say to yourself,

932
00:52:59,719 --> 00:53:03,680
Speaker 1: and you override it and program in all the positive

933
00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:06,480
Speaker 1: stuff associated with a high five with the person in

934
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:09,680
Speaker 1: the mirror. And that's not all. You get a boost

935
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:12,279
Speaker 1: in your mood. Now. Dr Daniel Aiman, who is the

936
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:16,120
Speaker 1: world's leading expert on the brain. I talked to him

937
00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:18,200
Speaker 1: for two hours about the high five habit. He went bananas.

938
00:53:18,239 --> 00:53:21,000
Speaker 1: He's like, mel l, do you know why you get

939
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:23,640
Speaker 1: a boost in your mood? I said no. He said, well,

940
00:53:23,719 --> 00:53:27,040
Speaker 1: because when somebody high fives you in life, you get

941
00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:29,279
Speaker 1: a drip of dopamine, the chemical in your brain that

942
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:31,960
Speaker 1: makes you feel good. When you high five yourself, your

943
00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:36,120
Speaker 1: brain does the same thing because the action is already programmed,

944
00:53:36,440 --> 00:53:38,600
Speaker 1: is something that you know and do in your brain.

945
00:53:39,640 --> 00:53:42,239
Speaker 1: The other thing that happens when you keep doing this

946
00:53:42,920 --> 00:53:45,680
Speaker 1: for more than five days is you will start to

947
00:53:45,719 --> 00:53:48,719
Speaker 1: feel a little jolt of energy. And Dr Daniel Aiman

948
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:52,239
Speaker 1: explained why to me too. He said, because when you

949
00:53:52,440 --> 00:53:56,359
Speaker 1: raise your hand and wave at somebody, it's a positive celebration.

950
00:53:56,360 --> 00:53:58,080
Speaker 1: When you raise your arms to hug somebody, it's a

951
00:53:58,120 --> 00:54:00,520
Speaker 1: positive celebration. When you raise your arm when you cross

952
00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:03,040
Speaker 1: the finish line, it's a positive celebration. When you go

953
00:54:03,080 --> 00:54:05,319
Speaker 1: to high five somebody and raise your arm, it's a

954
00:54:05,320 --> 00:54:08,800
Speaker 1: positive celebration. When you start to do this every single morning,

955
00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:13,040
Speaker 1: you're nervous system, it's like, oh, of course, it's a

956
00:54:13,040 --> 00:54:17,840
Speaker 1: positive celebration of self, and so your nervous system gives

957
00:54:17,840 --> 00:54:22,160
Speaker 1: you that feel good, energizing jolt. That's why it immediately

958
00:54:22,239 --> 00:54:25,120
Speaker 1: makes you feel like you're leaving the bathroom with a

959
00:54:25,120 --> 00:54:27,720
Speaker 1: little bit of momentum to go face the day instead

960
00:54:27,719 --> 00:54:32,080
Speaker 1: of dragging all your problems with you. It's incredible. Yeah,

961
00:54:32,080 --> 00:54:36,439
Speaker 1: And I like where you say to um, because if

962
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:38,520
Speaker 1: I was to ask myself what I need, Like if

963
00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:39,480
Speaker 1: I was to look in the mirror and be like,

964
00:54:39,560 --> 00:54:42,319
Speaker 1: what do you need today, Like, I'd like, just like

965
00:54:42,440 --> 00:54:45,120
Speaker 1: love me, like just like be kind to me, be

966
00:54:45,239 --> 00:54:47,920
Speaker 1: nice to me, like love me. And it's like when

967
00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:49,720
Speaker 1: you start to like be like, all right, I got you,

968
00:54:49,719 --> 00:54:52,399
Speaker 1: you know, it's like you're actually being your friend. You're

969
00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:55,600
Speaker 1: you're being you know how I am for my friends

970
00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:59,359
Speaker 1: are like and it's crazy that we don't. We're where

971
00:54:59,400 --> 00:55:02,960
Speaker 1: the we're the worse with ourselves. Let me just let

972
00:55:02,960 --> 00:55:06,000
Speaker 1: me just say that, Like she is so good at

973
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:08,919
Speaker 1: doing that for other people, of course, I mean by

974
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:12,759
Speaker 1: far the best. I think it's now, like she said,

975
00:55:12,840 --> 00:55:14,279
Speaker 1: you can do it for other people, but then doing

976
00:55:14,280 --> 00:55:17,480
Speaker 1: it for yourself is so important. Nobody has trained you have,

977
00:55:18,600 --> 00:55:21,480
Speaker 1: no one, nobody on the planet knows how to do

978
00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:27,359
Speaker 1: this for themselves. See, we were born celebrating ourselves. You know,

979
00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:29,480
Speaker 1: if you think about when your kids were really little

980
00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:31,239
Speaker 1: and they saw a mirror, they'd crawl right up to

981
00:55:31,280 --> 00:55:33,480
Speaker 1: it and kissed themselves. They wouldn't roll backwards and be like,

982
00:55:33,520 --> 00:55:36,120
Speaker 1: look at those size, there's so bad. And my son

983
00:55:36,280 --> 00:55:38,319
Speaker 1: Jay's just like he learned how to like climb up

984
00:55:38,360 --> 00:55:40,200
Speaker 1: this wall, and he got up from this little wall

985
00:55:40,239 --> 00:55:43,000
Speaker 1: climb and he starts clapping at himself, and I was like, yeah, buddy,

986
00:55:43,160 --> 00:55:48,759
Speaker 1: you did it. Yeah, exactly Exactly what happens is is

987
00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:51,320
Speaker 1: that for many people, you grew up in a household

988
00:55:51,360 --> 00:55:53,880
Speaker 1: where you're not safe, or where there's a tremendous chaos,

989
00:55:54,040 --> 00:55:57,080
Speaker 1: or where you have to like start to cope in

990
00:55:57,160 --> 00:56:00,920
Speaker 1: ways that make you go silent, or what happens with

991
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:04,279
Speaker 1: everybody as we've all had the experience of taking a

992
00:56:04,320 --> 00:56:07,640
Speaker 1: tray and walking into a Cafeterian elementary school and seeing

993
00:56:07,680 --> 00:56:09,520
Speaker 1: a bunch of kids you want to go sit with,

994
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:13,200
Speaker 1: and then what happens is you become your own sorting hat,

995
00:56:13,960 --> 00:56:17,839
Speaker 1: and as a means to protect yourself from rejection, you

996
00:56:17,880 --> 00:56:20,839
Speaker 1: basically start the negative self talk. You start to tell

997
00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:23,319
Speaker 1: yourself where you belong and where you don't. You start

998
00:56:23,360 --> 00:56:25,480
Speaker 1: to pick yourself apart and then say, so, go over

999
00:56:25,520 --> 00:56:27,239
Speaker 1: here because you don't have the genes that they're wearing.

1000
00:56:27,320 --> 00:56:29,640
Speaker 1: Or go over there because your skin color isn't the same,

1001
00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:32,000
Speaker 1: or go here because you don't belong there. And so

1002
00:56:32,160 --> 00:56:35,720
Speaker 1: that's how it begins, through self rejection, and it happens

1003
00:56:35,800 --> 00:56:39,759
Speaker 1: over and over and over again. And that's why there

1004
00:56:39,800 --> 00:56:42,880
Speaker 1: are only two reactions that people have to this. You

1005
00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:47,000
Speaker 1: either start doing it and you'll start crying because you'll

1006
00:56:47,040 --> 00:56:51,360
Speaker 1: realize how much you've longed to feel this way, or

1007
00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:56,040
Speaker 1: more likely, you're going to resist it. And this is

1008
00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:58,520
Speaker 1: the sad part, and this is what you were talking

1009
00:56:58,560 --> 00:57:03,040
Speaker 1: about just a second ago. The resistance is something that's horrible.

1010
00:57:03,880 --> 00:57:06,080
Speaker 1: The resistance is the fact that when you stand in

1011
00:57:06,120 --> 00:57:09,680
Speaker 1: front of yourself every morning in the mirror, you drag

1012
00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:13,720
Speaker 1: with you everything from your past. You believe that because

1013
00:57:13,719 --> 00:57:16,960
Speaker 1: of all the things that you've survived, the abuse, the trauma,

1014
00:57:17,280 --> 00:57:20,120
Speaker 1: the heartbreak, the neglect, whatever it is that you've faced,

1015
00:57:20,640 --> 00:57:23,680
Speaker 1: that somehow that's evidence that you're unworthy or damaged or

1016
00:57:23,760 --> 00:57:27,960
Speaker 1: broken or whatever you say. Or you take all the

1017
00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:30,840
Speaker 1: things that you've done that, you regret that. You can't

1018
00:57:30,840 --> 00:57:33,400
Speaker 1: forgive yourself for that you just did because you were

1019
00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:35,720
Speaker 1: trying to survive all those things you would forgive other

1020
00:57:35,760 --> 00:57:38,439
Speaker 1: people for. But you can't look yourself in the mirror

1021
00:57:38,480 --> 00:57:41,520
Speaker 1: and forgive yourself because you see that as evidence that

1022
00:57:41,560 --> 00:57:44,920
Speaker 1: you're a bad person. And then you stand there in judgment,

1023
00:57:45,000 --> 00:57:47,560
Speaker 1: which is why you're going to resist this. And what

1024
00:57:47,640 --> 00:57:50,120
Speaker 1: I'm here to say, and what I want every human

1025
00:57:50,160 --> 00:57:52,640
Speaker 1: being on this planet to know, is that if you

1026
00:57:52,680 --> 00:57:55,640
Speaker 1: can drag yourself out of bed, if you can stand

1027
00:57:55,640 --> 00:57:58,520
Speaker 1: before the mirror and you're still breathing in spite of

1028
00:57:58,560 --> 00:58:02,200
Speaker 1: all that stuff, and you're still here trying another day

1029
00:58:02,200 --> 00:58:05,320
Speaker 1: to do just a little bit better, you not only

1030
00:58:05,400 --> 00:58:10,400
Speaker 1: deserve a high five, you've earned one. You need one.

1031
00:58:11,320 --> 00:58:15,080
Speaker 1: You know, life is a marathon. And if you ever

1032
00:58:15,240 --> 00:58:19,200
Speaker 1: watch a marathon, the spectators don't cross their arms and

1033
00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:22,120
Speaker 1: stand at mile eight and go, I'm not clapping for

1034
00:58:22,160 --> 00:58:24,480
Speaker 1: you till you get to the finish line. You look terrible.

1035
00:58:25,240 --> 00:58:28,000
Speaker 1: You see how lame that timing was for mile five.

1036
00:58:28,960 --> 00:58:31,960
Speaker 1: I think you're a runner. You shouldn't even be in

1037
00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:35,200
Speaker 1: this race. We don't do that. We clap and cheer

1038
00:58:35,320 --> 00:58:37,400
Speaker 1: just like your son, and we high five them every

1039
00:58:37,480 --> 00:58:42,120
Speaker 1: step of the way. Why because the most motivating force

1040
00:58:42,440 --> 00:58:47,840
Speaker 1: on the planet is feeling seen, celebrated and supported, and

1041
00:58:47,920 --> 00:58:51,320
Speaker 1: that's what we all need every single step of the way.

1042
00:58:51,600 --> 00:58:55,440
Speaker 1: And there's another reason why we don't resist we resist this,

1043
00:58:56,000 --> 00:58:59,680
Speaker 1: and the reason is sad. It's because we've been trained.

1044
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:03,360
Speaker 1: You believe that our worth is measured by whether or

1045
00:59:03,360 --> 00:59:06,360
Speaker 1: not somebody else loves us. Are worth is measured by

1046
00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:09,080
Speaker 1: whether or not we have the followers, or the right car,

1047
00:59:09,240 --> 00:59:11,560
Speaker 1: or the right number on the scale, or the right

1048
00:59:12,000 --> 00:59:14,360
Speaker 1: money in the bank, or you know, if you're not

1049
00:59:14,480 --> 00:59:18,080
Speaker 1: where you think you should be, that you don't deserve

1050
00:59:18,120 --> 00:59:22,200
Speaker 1: a high five. And so part of your healing and

1051
00:59:22,320 --> 00:59:26,840
Speaker 1: part of you finding your power again is going to

1052
00:59:27,080 --> 00:59:29,760
Speaker 1: happen when you can stand in front of that mirror

1053
00:59:30,040 --> 00:59:33,320
Speaker 1: and you can raise your hand and you can celebrate

1054
00:59:33,360 --> 00:59:37,640
Speaker 1: and support yourself exactly where you are right now. You

1055
00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:40,360
Speaker 1: can see a human being who's trying to heal, you

1056
00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:43,080
Speaker 1: can support her every step of the way. You can

1057
00:59:43,080 --> 00:59:45,440
Speaker 1: forgive yourself for the times that you didn't listen to

1058
00:59:45,480 --> 00:59:48,439
Speaker 1: yourself because you didn't know any better, and you can

1059
00:59:48,480 --> 00:59:51,200
Speaker 1: celebrate yourself as you wake up every day and you

1060
00:59:51,280 --> 00:59:54,360
Speaker 1: try to do just a little bit better. You start

1061
00:59:54,400 --> 00:59:58,840
Speaker 1: to do that, your relationship with your self changes. The

1062
00:59:58,960 --> 01:00:01,920
Speaker 1: power that you're seeing can the validation that you deserve

1063
01:00:01,960 --> 01:00:05,600
Speaker 1: and need. It gets located back inside you. And let

1064
01:00:05,600 --> 01:00:07,760
Speaker 1: me tell you something I don't give you. When you're

1065
01:00:07,760 --> 01:00:11,520
Speaker 1: ready to start dating, when you are able to feel

1066
01:00:11,600 --> 01:00:15,080
Speaker 1: loved and seen and validated by yourself, you're not gonna

1067
01:00:15,160 --> 01:00:19,000
Speaker 1: let any motherfucker screw around with you because you will

1068
01:00:19,040 --> 01:00:21,960
Speaker 1: have your own back. You will be able to listen

1069
01:00:22,360 --> 01:00:25,360
Speaker 1: when that wisdom rises up. You are not going to

1070
01:00:25,360 --> 01:00:29,680
Speaker 1: tolerate being treated with disrespect because you are respecting yourself

1071
01:00:29,760 --> 01:00:33,680
Speaker 1: every morning. It begins with you. And so I am

1072
01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:37,640
Speaker 1: so excited for you to start doing this for real

1073
01:00:37,880 --> 01:00:41,280
Speaker 1: because it sounds cheesy, but I am telling you this

1074
01:00:41,360 --> 01:00:46,560
Speaker 1: cuts down to the deepest, most foundational thing that everybody needs.

1075
01:00:47,240 --> 01:00:50,160
Speaker 1: And where can everybody? Is out now on Amazon? Or

1076
01:00:50,200 --> 01:00:53,120
Speaker 1: is it coming out? Oh it's you can get it.

1077
01:00:53,120 --> 01:00:55,240
Speaker 1: It's in twenty two languages. You can I don't know

1078
01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:57,760
Speaker 1: when this is airing, but yes, you can order it

1079
01:00:57,840 --> 01:01:01,480
Speaker 1: right now. You can order it in multiple format. Um.

1080
01:01:01,480 --> 01:01:03,600
Speaker 1: It's it's super exciting and I don't know if we

1081
01:01:03,640 --> 01:01:05,760
Speaker 1: have time to, but I want to teach you that

1082
01:01:06,080 --> 01:01:11,480
Speaker 1: this other thing of high five in your hearts. This now,

1083
01:01:11,800 --> 01:01:13,840
Speaker 1: you put your hands on the center of your chest.

1084
01:01:14,000 --> 01:01:16,760
Speaker 1: I'm right there on top of each other. You're gonna

1085
01:01:16,800 --> 01:01:21,640
Speaker 1: take a deep breath, and then you're going to repeat

1086
01:01:21,680 --> 01:01:27,680
Speaker 1: these three sentences. Okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm safe,

1087
01:01:28,160 --> 01:01:34,280
Speaker 1: I'm safe, I'm loved, I'm I'm loved. Why don't you

1088
01:01:34,280 --> 01:01:37,720
Speaker 1: say those three again? I started crying. Go ahead, take

1089
01:01:37,720 --> 01:01:42,240
Speaker 1: a deep breath and do it again. I'm okay, I'm safe,

1090
01:01:42,480 --> 01:01:46,680
Speaker 1: I'm loved. Now. The reason why I want you to

1091
01:01:46,680 --> 01:01:49,080
Speaker 1: do this right after you get out of bed is

1092
01:01:49,120 --> 01:01:52,000
Speaker 1: because after the last eighteen months, every human being on

1093
01:01:52,040 --> 01:01:55,560
Speaker 1: the planet has a stressed out, on edge nervous system.

1094
01:01:55,600 --> 01:01:59,320
Speaker 1: Your sympathetic nervous system is running on overdrive. It is

1095
01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:02,040
Speaker 1: impossible to learn new behavior. It is impossible to get

1096
01:02:02,080 --> 01:02:04,800
Speaker 1: your prefrontal cortex to be able to focus on anything

1097
01:02:05,560 --> 01:02:08,600
Speaker 1: when your nervous system is on edge. When your nervous

1098
01:02:08,600 --> 01:02:12,160
Speaker 1: system is on edge, you are also very prone to

1099
01:02:12,240 --> 01:02:17,200
Speaker 1: being hijacked by trauma patterns because those trauma patterns are

1100
01:02:17,240 --> 01:02:21,320
Speaker 1: stored in your nervous system. So by saying I'm okay,

1101
01:02:21,400 --> 01:02:23,760
Speaker 1: I'm safe, I'm loved, which is if you can hear

1102
01:02:23,800 --> 01:02:25,520
Speaker 1: it and you can say it, it's true in that moment,

1103
01:02:26,080 --> 01:02:28,640
Speaker 1: and by putting your hands on your heart, you're stimulating

1104
01:02:28,680 --> 01:02:32,000
Speaker 1: something called your vegas nerve. Now, your vegas nerve is

1105
01:02:32,160 --> 01:02:34,720
Speaker 1: a treasure inside of you that you need to discover.

1106
01:02:35,320 --> 01:02:39,440
Speaker 1: It is the on off switch for your on edge, disregulated, traumatic,

1107
01:02:39,680 --> 01:02:43,280
Speaker 1: stressed out nervous system. When you simply put your hands

1108
01:02:43,320 --> 01:02:45,280
Speaker 1: on your heart, because the vegas nerve runs from the

1109
01:02:45,360 --> 01:02:47,720
Speaker 1: seat all the way through every major organ, through your

1110
01:02:47,760 --> 01:02:50,720
Speaker 1: vocal cords, and through your head to the top of it.

1111
01:02:51,400 --> 01:02:53,880
Speaker 1: When you simply put your hands here and you press

1112
01:02:53,920 --> 01:02:58,040
Speaker 1: against the vegas nerve and you say I'm okay, I'm safe,

1113
01:02:58,120 --> 01:03:02,000
Speaker 1: I'm loved, you will come back into your body. You're

1114
01:03:02,000 --> 01:03:05,120
Speaker 1: stressed out nervous system will turn off, and you'll turn

1115
01:03:05,240 --> 01:03:10,040
Speaker 1: on your calm, cool, parasympathetic nervous system, and you will

1116
01:03:10,080 --> 01:03:13,800
Speaker 1: start your day grounded in your body. You will start

1117
01:03:13,840 --> 01:03:16,800
Speaker 1: your day with a nervous system that is calm, that

1118
01:03:16,920 --> 01:03:21,240
Speaker 1: is regulated, that is able to then go and receive

1119
01:03:21,840 --> 01:03:25,000
Speaker 1: the love and the encouragement and the support that you're

1120
01:03:25,040 --> 01:03:28,080
Speaker 1: going to feel when you raise your hand in celebration

1121
01:03:28,160 --> 01:03:30,200
Speaker 1: to the woman that you see in the mirror, who

1122
01:03:30,280 --> 01:03:33,480
Speaker 1: is showing up for yet another day on the marathon

1123
01:03:33,560 --> 01:03:37,920
Speaker 1: of this life, knowing that no matter what happens today,

1124
01:03:38,480 --> 01:03:41,040
Speaker 1: she can handle it. She can have her own back,

1125
01:03:41,600 --> 01:03:44,440
Speaker 1: and she's going to take this moment in her life

1126
01:03:44,880 --> 01:03:47,840
Speaker 1: and she's going to use it because she knows it

1127
01:03:47,960 --> 01:03:53,040
Speaker 1: is preparing her for something extraordinary that's coming. I mean,

1128
01:03:53,080 --> 01:03:54,520
Speaker 1: I'm ready to go to bed because i want to

1129
01:03:54,520 --> 01:03:57,280
Speaker 1: wake up high five the shout of myself in the morning.

1130
01:03:57,360 --> 01:04:01,040
Speaker 1: So if my hands are in my heart, I cannot

1131
01:04:01,200 --> 01:04:05,160
Speaker 1: thank you enough for these tools. This I mean not.

1132
01:04:05,280 --> 01:04:07,440
Speaker 1: I'm going to just listen to the last five minutes

1133
01:04:07,440 --> 01:04:09,680
Speaker 1: to that you just I mean just just thank you

1134
01:04:09,760 --> 01:04:13,040
Speaker 1: for for your light, for your light, for your your motivation,

1135
01:04:13,280 --> 01:04:16,919
Speaker 1: for your tools, for your heart. It means so much.

1136
01:04:17,000 --> 01:04:20,920
Speaker 1: So thank you, seriously. You're welcome. You're welcome, and you

1137
01:04:20,920 --> 01:04:22,520
Speaker 1: know I want you to know. I want to invite

1138
01:04:22,560 --> 01:04:24,000
Speaker 1: you to do something with us. So we're doing this

1139
01:04:24,120 --> 01:04:28,680
Speaker 1: free high five Challenge. It's five days where I'm going

1140
01:04:28,720 --> 01:04:31,040
Speaker 1: to give you the tools, the coaching, the community that

1141
01:04:31,080 --> 01:04:33,280
Speaker 1: you need to practice this stuff. Just go to high

1142
01:04:33,280 --> 01:04:36,400
Speaker 1: five Challenge dot com. Great, it's free. I got you,

1143
01:04:36,560 --> 01:04:40,360
Speaker 1: I want you in there for you and I believe

1144
01:04:40,360 --> 01:04:44,200
Speaker 1: in you. I thank you so much. I appreciate it. Okay,

1145
01:04:44,320 --> 01:04:51,800
Speaker 1: we'll talk soon. Thanks changing absolutely. Yes, I love you, baby,

1146
01:04:51,920 --> 01:04:56,360
Speaker 1: Hi five, I love her. I'm gonna high five you.

1147
01:04:57,280 --> 01:04:59,040
Speaker 1: I love how we went in too, like childhood traumas

1148
01:04:59,080 --> 01:05:01,880
Speaker 1: to Yeah, that was good. I'm going to re listen

1149
01:05:01,880 --> 01:05:04,840
Speaker 1: to this episode was steep. It was good. It was

1150
01:05:04,960 --> 01:05:08,200
Speaker 1: very deep and good. And now I'm gonna go to

1151
01:05:08,240 --> 01:05:09,920
Speaker 1: bed and high five myself in the morning. Let's I'll

1152
01:05:09,920 --> 01:05:12,000
Speaker 1: try it though. I'm gonna try. Yeah, I'm just afraid

1153
01:05:12,000 --> 01:05:13,600
Speaker 1: that I'm gonna like break my mirror because I'm gonna

1154
01:05:13,600 --> 01:05:15,480
Speaker 1: be like overly excited about it, like I'm gonna be

1155
01:05:15,520 --> 01:05:17,840
Speaker 1: like by you, and then it just like breaks. I'll

1156
01:05:17,840 --> 01:05:27,240
Speaker 1: figure it out, alright, guys, go high five Okay. Bye,