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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcast and we have.

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Speaker 2: Some foundational stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation needs a little support

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Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll

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Speaker 1: get into the episode.

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Speaker 3: My girlfriend wants to pretend she's dating her hot friend

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Speaker 3: instead of me.

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Speaker 2: Well, don't let her pretend, just let her live it.

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Speaker 3: I have twenty six male, been dating my lovely girlfriend,

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Speaker 3: twenty five female for roughly five years. We met in

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Speaker 3: college when she was a sophomore and I was a junior.

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Speaker 3: That's a little corny, but I've felt pretty hard for

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Speaker 3: her first. She's absolutely stunning with a bubbly and outgoing personality.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from users seventeen thirty eight,

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Speaker 3: twenty nine, twenty seven for and if you want to

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Speaker 3: spend your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 3: Storytime suburt it. I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm Riley, and

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Speaker 3: we're here to give good advice. Scoof Ley, but we

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Speaker 3: don't have all the answers. We only know what we do,

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Speaker 3: so let us know what you would do in the comment.

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Speaker 3: As for myself. I won't lie. I'm average as heck,

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Speaker 3: and I'm quite introverted think Patrick Payne, but slightly tolerated.

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Speaker 3: Where she thrived in the party crowd. I was more

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Speaker 3: than happy to stay home and read or play games

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Speaker 3: with friends. On to the incident, my girlfriend was recently

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Speaker 3: sent a last minute Facebook invite to a reunion party

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Speaker 3: including several people from her high school and hometown area.

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Speaker 3: She was super nervous and ignored it at first, while

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Speaker 3: saying she wasn't interested. I am assuming her hesitation is

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Speaker 3: because of how she was treated back then. According to her,

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Speaker 3: she was relentlessly teased and bullied for being annoying and chubby.

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Speaker 3: I always try to uplift and encourage her where I can. However,

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Speaker 3: since high school, she's admittedly always had a slight obsession

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Speaker 3: with appearances, constantly working out and skipping meals, shopping or

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Speaker 3: eating at pricey places for socials, and slaving away at

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Speaker 3: her terrible but.

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Speaker 4: Well paying job.

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Speaker 3: Anyway, on to the issue, she finally decided to accept

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Speaker 3: the invite, but with the catch. The other night, a

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Speaker 3: few of her college friends were over at our place

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Speaker 3: for dinner and drinks after one too many beverages. She

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Speaker 3: joked she should bring her hot attracted the same gender

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Speaker 3: friend to pose as her partner back home now because

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Speaker 3: the guy in question was sitting at the table. I

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Speaker 3: simply laughed awkwardly and tried to move on. However, she

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Speaker 3: and her friends started to really play into the idea.

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Speaker 3: They claimed I wouldn't want to go anyway because I'm

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Speaker 3: a homebody, and that it would be really funny to

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Speaker 3: see her petty classmates reactions after treating her so poorly,

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Speaker 3: and look, I get the dude in question was respectfully

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Speaker 3: go f yourself level, handsome, and looks like Wanda's brother

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Speaker 3: from Avengers Ultron. However, I felt the pit in my

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Speaker 3: stomach row when the guy drunkenly said I've always wanted

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Speaker 3: to visit girlfriend's home to day. Whether it was true

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Speaker 3: or not, my heartbreak was sealed as they all laughed

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Speaker 3: and started to set things in stone. After everyone left,

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Speaker 3: I asked my girlfriend.

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Speaker 4: You're not actually planning on going home with him?

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Speaker 2: Right? She looked at me with oblivious.

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Speaker 3: Concern and said, oh, come on, it's harmless. We've known

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Speaker 3: this guy for years. You don't trust me.

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Speaker 2: It's literally not about trust.

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Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, gracious respect. It's not about bringing him home.

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Speaker 3: It's the fact that you just told me that I'm

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Speaker 3: not good enough to bring home. Now it seems like

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Speaker 3: you're following through with that plan. I tried to explain

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Speaker 3: it wasn't about trust. I asked why she felt the

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Speaker 3: need to lie without considering if I wanted to attend

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Speaker 3: it with her. She then got MOPy and said she understood,

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Speaker 3: and mumbling that she didn't have to go. I told

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Speaker 3: her it was fine if she went. I just didn't

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Speaker 3: understand why she would be so ashamed to be.

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Speaker 4: With me and not him.

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Speaker 3: Admittedly, I was a bit tipsy and the last words

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Speaker 3: had a bit more attitude than I intended, which made

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Speaker 3: her feel guilty and tear up. I was torn, but

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Speaker 3: ended up comforting her as always and gave in the

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Speaker 3: next day no. I told her she could go with

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Speaker 3: him if it would truly heal the little girl in

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Speaker 3: her from high school, Oh my gosh, and hopefully and

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Speaker 3: her self destructive obsession with perfection. She thanked me profusely

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Speaker 3: with peppered kisses and promises. I wore a brave face

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Speaker 3: as she swore up and down that they would have

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Speaker 3: completely different hotels, and she would contact me every second

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Speaker 3: she could. Now I'm simply at a loss for what

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Speaker 3: to do because I don't want want to be the

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Speaker 3: insecure eighthle who won't let her go out with friends.

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Speaker 2: Not what you're doing if.

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Speaker 3: You couldn't already tell I hate confrontation and often fold

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Speaker 3: to keep the peace. But am I insane for thinking

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Speaker 3: it's weird to play boyfriend and girlfriend with someone else

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Speaker 3: while in a five plus year relationship, even if they

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Speaker 3: are attracted to the same gender.

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Speaker 4: Common one says, I feel like.

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Speaker 2: I'm going crazy here.

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Speaker 3: Literally, just flip the scenario back on her and put

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Speaker 3: it exactly out. Is that you want to find some

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Speaker 3: other girl to show off to people because she isn't

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Speaker 3: hot enough. That's literally what she's doing.

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Speaker 2: Reply.

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Speaker 3: Imagine Op's girlfriend going back to her hometown with Op

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Speaker 3: in the future, whatever bullies saw her.

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Speaker 4: What she gonna do?

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Speaker 3: Introduce Op as her cousin or will she always bring

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Speaker 3: her friend to her home town with her as a

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Speaker 3: partner Genie's therapy, Like yesterday, to deal with all the bs,

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Speaker 3: OP needs to grow a spine. She didn't even think

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Speaker 3: about the Op if he wanted to come with her

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Speaker 3: Comma two. If she's embarrassed to be seen with you,

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Speaker 3: it's time to move on. Common three says, is she

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Speaker 3: gonna want the other got to stand in at your

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Speaker 3: wedding so no one knows she's actually married to someone

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Speaker 3: like you? And there is an update.

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Speaker 4: I agree with all of that.

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Speaker 2: It's ah entirely unsustainable. No, I mean, yeah, there's a

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Speaker 2: word beyond this.

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Speaker 3: And also just like gross friends, gross friends for being

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Speaker 3: all jumping on that bandwagon, because if I was with

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Speaker 3: a friend and their partner and then they said that,

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Speaker 3: I'd be like, like, right.

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Speaker 2: That was a joke though, and then they just keep

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Speaker 2: going and you're right there. It's weird. It's really weird.

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Speaker 3: Thank you everyone for your thoughts and advice. I am

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Speaker 3: overwhelmingly appreciative of everyone saying I'm not crazy or overreacting.

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Speaker 3: It amused me that some people hope this was all

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Speaker 3: fake for my sake. With my newfound backbone, I'm definitely

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Speaker 3: gonna have a serious conversation with her and bring up

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Speaker 3: everything that's been said. For those saying she's awful, I

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Speaker 3: only really highlighted her flaws while she was wasted in

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Speaker 3: this one occurrence. It's hard to put our several year

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Speaker 3: relationship into words, but we truly have been each other's

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Speaker 3: best friends for over half a decade now. There is

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Speaker 3: a reason why I call her lovely. She is the

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Speaker 3: most caring woman I know. She was so loving that

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Speaker 3: she nurtured me after a serious accident that left me

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Speaker 3: unable to do a lot of things for several months.

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Speaker 3: To the person asking why I haven't proposed, I almost

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Speaker 3: did the moment she helped me walk again. I think

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Speaker 3: people give her too much credit, calling her a manipulative.

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Speaker 3: She's extremely oblivious and unawaresometimes, sure, but she's corrected certain

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Speaker 3: behaviors in the past. When I brought it up, I

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Speaker 3: admit that I was unintentionally enabling her by giving in

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Speaker 3: making her think it's okay. Whenever I stand my ground,

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Speaker 3: she does listen. I'm extremely laid back and led a

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Speaker 3: lot of stuff slide as.

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Speaker 4: For the event.

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Speaker 3: In the end, I'm glad I didn't go because of

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Speaker 3: all the petty, small town nonsense that occurred. My girlfriend

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Speaker 3: was true to a word for the first few hours,

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Speaker 3: texting me updates with pictures of her and her friends

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Speaker 3: doing awkward sears Christmas card poses like siblings. It's stung

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Speaker 3: that I wasn't in the pictures with her, but I

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Speaker 3: had a laugh regardless. Thankfully, they're both terrible at keeping

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Speaker 3: secrets for those still thinking something was going on between them.

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Speaker 3: I didn't think that didn't that was never once was

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Speaker 3: I worried about that at all.

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Speaker 2: Actually, not the point, not the point, not the principle.

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Speaker 3: The last picture she sent was a group picture of

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Speaker 3: them drinking and playing cards. She sloppily texted me how

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Speaker 3: she finally felt included, like the missing part of her

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Speaker 3: childhood was finally satisfied. As a distraction, I hung out

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Speaker 3: with old friends and gamed the holiday away, regardless of

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Speaker 3: how crappy this was for me. My girlfriend got back

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Speaker 3: later that day, pretty drained and hung over from it all.

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Speaker 3: I planned to talk things over with her to see

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Speaker 3: if she understood. As long as it's done and she's

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Speaker 3: finally happy with herself and not truly ashamed of me,

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Speaker 3: I'm smitten anyway, update is promised, I'm absolutely shattered, gutted,

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Speaker 3: and other adjectives to describe. Holy af this sucks. Turns

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Speaker 3: out people were right. The guy she's friends with is

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Speaker 3: actually by and isn't seeing anyone like she said.

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Speaker 2: Oh, no, no, no, it's even worst. Okay, well I

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Speaker 2: was offering he was only kind of well now you know, ay,

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Speaker 2: well it's it should be clear as day. Yeah, right, congratulations.

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Speaker 3: So now she's ashamed of you, and the guy that

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Speaker 3: she thinks is really hot is an option for her.

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Speaker 3: She told me yesterday that after the last photo she

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Speaker 3: sent me, they drank even more and played a weird

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Speaker 3: adult card game.

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Speaker 2: Yikes.

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Speaker 3: She says she can't remember how it happened, only that

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Speaker 3: things kept escalating. Her friend brought her back to the hotel,

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Speaker 3: and it makes me sick to my stomach what she

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Speaker 3: recalled doing with him after that. I was right about

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Speaker 3: one thing.

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Speaker 2: In the end.

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Speaker 4: She couldn't keep a secret.

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Speaker 3: I asked if there was anything else she had to

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Speaker 3: say or come clean about. Through tears and snot, she

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Speaker 3: admitted to hooking up with him briefly during a freshman year,

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Speaker 3: before he realized his preference for men.

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Speaker 2: Blood boiling.

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Speaker 3: At this point, I quietly got up, gathered my things,

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Speaker 3: and left as she pitifully begged me to stay. I'm

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Speaker 3: completely drained and had hoped to see the goodner ruined

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Speaker 3: and undone via.

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Speaker 4: Benefit of the doubt.

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Speaker 3: It's pathetic even now, distraught as I am, I can

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Speaker 3: only see the anxiety ridden girl who clings to people

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Speaker 3: for validation, suffering from imposter syndrome, yet full of love

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Speaker 3: and stayed by my side through it all. Just maybe

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Speaker 3: maybe a good friend, maybe because she like helped you

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Speaker 3: with you know, when you were going through medical issues

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Speaker 3: and stuff. But so bad of a partner, so so bad,

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Speaker 3: shockingly bad.

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Speaker 4: And also I think, ope, you need.

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Speaker 3: To work on your own insecurities and your communication skills

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Speaker 3: because the fact that you had to find out that

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Speaker 3: she was cheating on you to leave this mess of

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Speaker 3: a relationship is sorry.

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Speaker 2: I don't think that, Like I don't think you would

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Speaker 2: have left it she didn't.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm seeking therapy so that her insecurities do not

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Speaker 3: become my own. I can only hope she does the

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Speaker 3: same for her self so she doesn't throw away her

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Speaker 3: next relationship so easily. And should you ever find this,

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Speaker 3: know that I truly loved Juliah. You were my heart,

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Speaker 3: my legs, and my reason to keep going most days.

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Speaker 2: Nah man, your legs belong to your legs are your own,

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Speaker 2: your heart is your own, and Leah is spile of dirt.

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Speaker 2: Don't you let her take your legs from you.

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Speaker 4: Don't let her take your legs. Those are your legs.

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Speaker 2: Earn those legs.

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Speaker 5: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

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Speaker 5: on to the next one.

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Speaker 2: I taught my boyfriend's son how to cook and it

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Speaker 2: made his mother furious.

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Speaker 4: I don't want him to be able to do things

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Speaker 4: on his own.

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Speaker 2: I Female twenty seven, just made this account to ask

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Speaker 2: a question before my boyfriend comes home and we talk.

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Speaker 2: My boyfriend, male thirty five and his ex wife, female

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Speaker 2: thirty seven share a son named Tristan. Tristan, male eight,

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Speaker 2: comes to our place every other week. I recently moved

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Speaker 2: in with my boyfriend after two years of dating. And

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Speaker 2: by the way, this comes from you, your sad Active

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Speaker 2: eighty one thirty one. And if you want to submit

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Speaker 2: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime

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Speaker 2: subred it.

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Speaker 6: I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, I'm Riley, and we are here

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Speaker 6: to give good advice goofly, but we don't have all

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Speaker 6: the answers. We only know what we do, so let

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Speaker 6: us know what you would do in the comments. I

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Speaker 6: asked Tristan what his favorite meal is. He said, butter, chicken,

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Speaker 6: so I made sure to cook it on the night

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Speaker 6: he comes to our place.

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Speaker 2: Today. He was home because of a p D day

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Speaker 2: and I had the day off to be with him.

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Speaker 2: I told him, do you want to make it together?

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Speaker 2: I'll supervise and tell you what to do. It'll be fun.

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Speaker 2: We prepared rice and buttered chicken together. He was so

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Speaker 2: proud of himself. He asked me to take a picture

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Speaker 2: and send it to his mom and dad while he

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Speaker 2: held the plate already. I did, and I wrote, Chef

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Speaker 2: Tristan made his first buttered chicken today, yayo. His mom

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Speaker 2: lost it and message that I robbed her of his

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Speaker 2: first cooking experience. And then I'm just a girlfriend trying

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Speaker 2: to play family time out. He's okay, and you haven't

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Speaker 2: cooked him with him or anything, not a single thing okay.

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Speaker 3: So it seems like the issue is not like he's

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Speaker 3: up already should and cook. It's just that she is

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Speaker 3: feeling very maternal.

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Speaker 2: She says I was going to.

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Speaker 3: Do that, which you know is a totally not like

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Speaker 3: not okay reaction. However, if we're giving her a little

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Speaker 3: bit of like you know, benefit of the doubt, it

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Speaker 3: seems like she's you know watching her son grow up

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Speaker 3: and feeling very emotional about losing some of those firsts

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Speaker 3: with him. Still not ever okay to react like that

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Speaker 3: dopey though, but yet a hopefully hopeful usual calm down.

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Speaker 4: You can say, Hey, I didn't know that. I'm so sorry.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you should try to tell her to calm down.

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Speaker 2: I was about to say that, dang bro classic move.

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Speaker 2: I said I didn't mean it that way, and that

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Speaker 2: I thought it was just a fun activity, and I apologized.

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Speaker 2: My boyfriend messaged saying I should have talked to his

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Speaker 2: mom first, especially since it involved being close to the

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Speaker 2: oven or cutting. I told him I did the cutting,

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Speaker 2: and I truly didn't mean to insult his mom. Now

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Speaker 2: Tristan has finished his meal and I'm waiting for his

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Speaker 2: dad to come home. I just want to know if

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Speaker 2: I crossed any boundaries and if I owe him and

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Speaker 2: his ex wife an apology. Did I cross the line?

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Speaker 2: And there is an edit? No, it is not a

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Speaker 2: cultural meal for any of us. He just really likes

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Speaker 2: this meal. It wasn't my boyfriend's a fair partner. Tristan's

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Speaker 2: mom broke up with my boyfriend when Tristan was one.

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Speaker 2: When she met her coworker. Tristan has a half sister

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Speaker 2: from his mom's side. She is still with this guy,

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Speaker 2: and there's an update. I talked to him. Well, apparently

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Speaker 2: I crossed. It's the line because it was his favorite meal.

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Speaker 2: He was supposed to be his mom's job to teach him,

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Speaker 2: not me, As I was told, my boyfriend asked if

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Speaker 2: I could first check with Tristan's mom in the future

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Speaker 2: before doing anything. I told him there won't be a

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Speaker 2: next time because I refuse to do anything one on

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Speaker 2: one with him. He thinks I'm overreacting and I should

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Speaker 2: just let it go. What do I know, I'm just

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Speaker 2: some girl playing family. And also, you can't let it

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Speaker 2: go because the premise is that you'd have to ask

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Speaker 2: every time.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's the thing. It's like, oh, you can just

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Speaker 3: get over it. It's like no, no, no, Now, this

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Speaker 3: is an ongoing thing. Yeah, how I'm I supposed to

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Speaker 3: get over something that is still there.

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Speaker 2: And still an ongoing from watch your boyfriend not back

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Speaker 2: you up?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like he's I don't know, he could have said like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I told her that it was fine.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. I am so annoyed by him being

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Speaker 2: such a wuss, and there are some more comments here.

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Speaker 2: Number one, If Tristan's parents want to criticize you for

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Speaker 2: taking a day off to watch their son for them

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Speaker 2: and actually make that day fun, they owe you an apology.

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Speaker 2: They also need to stay home with him. If every

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Speaker 2: first is so critically important, they either have you watching

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Speaker 2: him and choosing things to do, or they do it themselves.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, to get mad at you for taking time off

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Speaker 3: to watch him is pretty crazy, like this isn't your son.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't have to do this.

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Speaker 4: You're doing them a favor.

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Speaker 2: When he has professional development days and with us, my

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Speaker 2: boyfriend and I take turns to watch him. Comment two says,

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Speaker 2: were you taking care of him while the mom and

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Speaker 2: dad were at work? If so, I would stop babysitting

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Speaker 2: immediately and make that clear. After this response hope, he says,

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Speaker 2: it's his week with us until Sunday. His mom is

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Speaker 2: a stay at home mom. Come at her three. I

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Speaker 2: don't have kids, so maybe I'm missing something. But is

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Speaker 2: cooking their first meal with some assistance that big of

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Speaker 2: a deal that a grown woman needs to throw a tantrum?

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Speaker 2: Some things I can understand feeling like no step parents

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Speaker 2: should not take that opportunity from the actual parent, but

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Speaker 2: cooking some things. By the way, his mother could have

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00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:53,200
Speaker 2: done with him a million times over, but never I

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Speaker 2: actually did. I will say, though, that the real issue

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Speaker 2: here is your partner not taking your side. At the

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00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:00,440
Speaker 2: very least, he should have calmed her down and had

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Speaker 2: a conversation with her about it, and also about how

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Speaker 2: she spoke to you. Either way, if I were you,

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00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,320
Speaker 2: I'd cut contact with her for now and let your

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Speaker 2: partner do the communicating until things settle. Opie says, I

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Speaker 2: don't have any kids, so this was new to me.

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Speaker 3: I think that's a good point. Yeah, I think he

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Speaker 3: should have been handling that. Yeah, because that was a

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Speaker 3: what you know. However, she felt it was a completely

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Speaker 3: inappropriate response.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so comment for you didn't mean any harm. It

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00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:28,840
Speaker 2: was sweet, but involving Tristan in something his mom sees

351
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Speaker 2: as a first crossed a boundary. A quick apology and

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Speaker 2: telling her it was just for fun. Should fix it

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Speaker 2: next time, check with both parents first. Well, apparently I

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Speaker 2: crossed the line because it was his favorite meal. It

355
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Speaker 2: was supposed to be his mom's job to teach him,

356
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Speaker 2: not me. As I was told, my boyfriend asked if

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Speaker 2: I could first check with Tristan's mom in the future

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Speaker 2: before doing anything. I told him there won't be a

359
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Speaker 2: next time because I refused to do anything when on

360
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Speaker 2: one with him. He thinks I'm overreacting and I should

361
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,600
Speaker 2: just let it go. What do I know, I'm just

362
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:57,280
Speaker 2: some girl playing house. I'm annoyed by him being a

363
00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:59,960
Speaker 2: woos Was there any other option but you staying home

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Speaker 2: home just wanting to check that you're not being treated

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Speaker 2: as a babysitter. Being a step parent is hard. You

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Speaker 2: facilitated an activity to support your rapport between you and

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Speaker 2: your stepchild, and it sounds like he had a great

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Speaker 2: time and made something he was proud of. Parents are

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Speaker 2: in the wrong and how dare dad turn it around

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Speaker 2: on you?

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Speaker 3: Also just like sucks as the kid to do this

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Speaker 3: thing and seemingly not really receive any encouragement or any

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Speaker 3: you know, I don't know support from his parents because

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Speaker 3: he might not ever want to cook again if this

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Speaker 3: is how his parents react, you know, his mom might

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Speaker 3: never have that chance to cook with him again. If

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Speaker 3: the one time, the first time he makes something, she's like,

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Speaker 3: I hope she didn't do that in front of him.

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Speaker 2: I just want a list of all the other things,

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Speaker 2: all the other things you haven't done with your eight

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Speaker 2: year old son. I'm less say, like, what were you

382
00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,800
Speaker 2: waiting for? Yeah? What were you? What exactly were you

383
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,280
Speaker 2: waiting for this whole time? Oh to complain for someone

384
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,680
Speaker 2: else to do? What so I can complain? I guess.

385
00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:01,880
Speaker 2: Oh that's right. Oh, we have an update, folks. I

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00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:04,280
Speaker 2: called him on my lunch break and told him I

387
00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:07,119
Speaker 2: had thought about everything and that both he and his

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00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,120
Speaker 2: ex wife owe me an apology. I explained that I

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00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,600
Speaker 2: was bonding with Tristan and made a meal with him

390
00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:15,240
Speaker 2: after taking care of him all day. She got mad

391
00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:18,679
Speaker 2: and insulted me and then took her side. Then he

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Speaker 2: had the audacity to come to bed and ask for

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Speaker 2: some spicy time. He said, I was being ridiculous and immature. Hahaha.

394
00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:28,360
Speaker 2: I told him that if I didn't hear a real apology,

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Speaker 2: I wasn't coming home and we were done. He said, fine, whatever, sorry,

396
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,720
Speaker 2: and I said that didn't sound sincere at all, and

397
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,359
Speaker 2: asked whether he was going to ask his ex to

398
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Speaker 2: apologize to me, and he said, are you insane? No?

399
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Speaker 2: Out of the question. I asked him if he honestly

400
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,520
Speaker 2: wouldn't even try to stand up for me. He said

401
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,520
Speaker 2: I was being unrealistic and that it wasn't like that.

402
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,639
Speaker 2: So I told him we were done. Yeah, because he

403
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:53,800
Speaker 2: wasn't even trying. Right now, I'm at my best friend's house,

404
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:58,200
Speaker 2: eating sushi takeout and watching Gilmore Girl's reruns. Lol. Heck yam,

405
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,320
Speaker 2: I'm more mad than sad. I'm not at the eating

406
00:18:01,359 --> 00:18:04,480
Speaker 2: ice cream and crying stage yet. And I guess that's it.

407
00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:07,280
Speaker 2: We're done. He's been texting saying we need to talk,

408
00:18:07,359 --> 00:18:09,679
Speaker 2: but I have nothing to talk about. We're done. My

409
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:11,840
Speaker 2: best friend and I will start looking at rental places

410
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:14,879
Speaker 2: online for me after dinner. Thank you for all your feedback,

411
00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:16,800
Speaker 2: all right, and that's the story.

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00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,440
Speaker 4: That's like to see you're sorry.

413
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:22,720
Speaker 2: I'm happy that you are breaking uppedy and sea And

414
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:24,800
Speaker 2: see how now he goes, well we need to talk.

415
00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:27,679
Speaker 2: It's like no, no, no, we already did that.

416
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,000
Speaker 4: You I asked you and.

417
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:33,040
Speaker 5: Win And that's the end of this story. We're gonna

418
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Speaker 5: go on to the next one.

419
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:38,160
Speaker 2: I've been engaged my boyfriend for six years, but now

420
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:39,560
Speaker 2: I'm feeling detached.

421
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:42,400
Speaker 4: Oh no, ring means no bond.

422
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,359
Speaker 2: My partner thirty one male and I thirty female, are

423
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:49,080
Speaker 2: newly engaged after almost six years together. The journey to

424
00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:52,000
Speaker 2: getting engaged was not an easy one. We argued a ton,

425
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:57,359
Speaker 2: mainly around mismatched timelines, lack of or spotty discussion around engagement,

426
00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:01,719
Speaker 2: me not feeling wanted, et cetera. Even so, we're here engaged,

427
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:04,240
Speaker 2: not living together, and I don't think we're ready for

428
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,160
Speaker 2: what comes with a marriage. By the way, this comes

429
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:09,119
Speaker 2: from user Taurus Pisce's cancer and if you want to

430
00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:10,840
Speaker 2: submit your own stories, go to the hers slash Okay

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00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:11,600
Speaker 2: storytime Supredated.

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Speaker 6: I'm Dakota, I'm Angie, I'm Sophia, and we are here

433
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:16,760
Speaker 6: to give you good advice goofily, but we don't have

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00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:17,680
Speaker 6: all the answers.

435
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:19,159
Speaker 2: We only know what we'd do, so let us know

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00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:21,480
Speaker 2: what you do in the comments. This past August, we

437
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,920
Speaker 2: got engaged, and although it was nice, it didn't feel

438
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,960
Speaker 2: super special. I had made a joke saying I wouldn't

439
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,760
Speaker 2: care if he came to my place and did it,

440
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:32,399
Speaker 2: and well that's literally what he did. Fast forward to

441
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:35,520
Speaker 2: now we are engaged, not living together, and not at

442
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,480
Speaker 2: all planning for a wedding. He still lives at home

443
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:39,720
Speaker 2: with his mom and splits financial costs with her there.

444
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:42,760
Speaker 2: In addition, he's been struggling with career stability based on

445
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:46,240
Speaker 2: his field for pretty much our entire relationship. In the

446
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,920
Speaker 2: same time we've spent together, I've been able to move

447
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:51,520
Speaker 2: back home to New York from Maryland, get my own place,

448
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:53,879
Speaker 2: and finally get into my career. Granted, we grew up

449
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:57,120
Speaker 2: with very different backgrounds and resources, and the pandemic impacted

450
00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:59,720
Speaker 2: us in different ways, but it feels like he's still stuck.

451
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,520
Speaker 2: I have been able to progress well in the last

452
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:05,119
Speaker 2: few years. We are now considering moving him into my

453
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:07,760
Speaker 2: place because we have to live together before getting married,

454
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,960
Speaker 2: but I have been having a ton of concerns and

455
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:13,520
Speaker 2: anxiety around that, especially him coming straight from his mom's home.

456
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:16,440
Speaker 2: We had a conversation around splitting costs when he gets

457
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:18,919
Speaker 2: here last week, and even that wasn't easy because of

458
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,560
Speaker 2: his lack of financial stability. At this point, part of

459
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,879
Speaker 2: me feels like we probably shouldn't have gotten engaged, but

460
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:26,360
Speaker 2: we did it to save the relationship, and now I'm

461
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:28,359
Speaker 2: wondering if it was even the right choice. So what

462
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:31,399
Speaker 2: makes this all challenging is he's a very sweet guy.

463
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,440
Speaker 2: He gets along well with all my friends and family,

464
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,080
Speaker 2: and he's very emotionally mature. He's been in therapy since

465
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:38,199
Speaker 2: he was twenty four. His work ethic is good, but

466
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:40,200
Speaker 2: he keeps getting the short end of the stick when

467
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:41,680
Speaker 2: it comes to life. He grew up with a lot

468
00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:44,280
Speaker 2: of childhood trauma as well, but he's been able to

469
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,359
Speaker 2: make something out of himself through it all. And while

470
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,720
Speaker 2: I love him, I know that love isn't enough to

471
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:52,240
Speaker 2: make a marriage. Has our relationship run its course? Why

472
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:55,080
Speaker 2: am I feeling so detached? And there are some comments

473
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:58,320
Speaker 2: here I would say it's because you have values. One

474
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:01,919
Speaker 2: of your values would be financial stability. He doesn't have that.

475
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,119
Speaker 2: He has a lot of other things that you might value,

476
00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:06,160
Speaker 2: but that seems like a big one and he does

477
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,600
Speaker 2: not have it. Yeah, and you also haven't lived with him.

478
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:11,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like this is like he might be

479
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:16,080
Speaker 4: emotionally mature, he might be you know, someone that's worth loving,

480
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:18,880
Speaker 4: But yeah, I feel like we need to be practical

481
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:22,359
Speaker 4: here and like you can still date just maybe like

482
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:26,040
Speaker 4: calm down, Like maybe we just don't get married yet,

483
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,639
Speaker 4: just might not be running for that, yeah exactly, Like

484
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:30,679
Speaker 4: like we're just maybe that can be in the future,

485
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:32,639
Speaker 4: but we rushed into it too soon. This is not

486
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:33,280
Speaker 4: the way to do it.

487
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:36,680
Speaker 2: You can just stay engaged. Yeah perhaps, yeah, stay engaged,

488
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:40,040
Speaker 2: live together and if that's an absolute nightmare, then I

489
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,360
Speaker 2: guess stop. But if you're already saying stuff like has

490
00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:46,560
Speaker 2: it run its course? Eh? Yeah? I always say if

491
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,439
Speaker 2: it's not an f yes, then it's a no. Do

492
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,600
Speaker 2: some introspection and be true to yourself. It's your life, partner.

493
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:55,399
Speaker 2: We're talking about a very important decision, OP says. My gut, head,

494
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,640
Speaker 2: and heart are all saying different things. I'm confused, hurt,

495
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,200
Speaker 2: and frustrated. If you don't know if you want to

496
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,680
Speaker 2: get married after six years together as full grown adults,

497
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:05,680
Speaker 2: then the answer is that you don't. I don't mean

498
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:10,160
Speaker 2: this kindly, but it sounds so childish that you are engaged.

499
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,879
Speaker 2: Engaged means engaged to be married. What was your shared

500
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:16,040
Speaker 2: thought process there? If you're going to spend the rest

501
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:17,520
Speaker 2: of your life with someone, it has to be the

502
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:20,959
Speaker 2: person you just can't imagine not waking up next to forever,

503
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,560
Speaker 2: not the person you stayed in a relationship with out

504
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:26,920
Speaker 2: of habit, and not someone you aren't feeling excited about

505
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,720
Speaker 2: building a life with It's been six years. Time to

506
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:32,320
Speaker 2: face up to reality. I think Pope says, you are

507
00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:35,520
Speaker 2: absolutely right, and I keep questioning why we actually went

508
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:37,800
Speaker 2: through with getting engaged. I think we did it to

509
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:40,560
Speaker 2: keep the relationship from ending, when in reality it's really

510
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:43,800
Speaker 2: underscoring how unprepared we are for this. I would love

511
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:45,159
Speaker 2: to build a life with him, but I don't think

512
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:48,320
Speaker 2: he's quite ready for it, given his continued financial hardship.

513
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:51,120
Speaker 2: And the comment replies, Okay, now you have to work

514
00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:53,879
Speaker 2: together as a team to resolve this. Not MEMI me

515
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:57,000
Speaker 2: versus him, him him, You are not working together as

516
00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:59,879
Speaker 2: a team. I'll probably get down voted, but this is

517
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:02,760
Speaker 2: what it feels like to me. What do you think marriages?

518
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 2: Vows are until the d F do us part? And

519
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,000
Speaker 2: in sickness and in health? Will you abandon him if

520
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:12,320
Speaker 2: he gets ill or loses his job? You will always

521
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:14,639
Speaker 2: have resentment towards him. At your current level of thinking,

522
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:17,159
Speaker 2: I mean you're already trying to justify the idea of

523
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:19,879
Speaker 2: breaking up with him. Set him free, dump him so

524
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:23,280
Speaker 2: he can find someone better for himself. I mean, yeah,

525
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:25,760
Speaker 2: dump him so you can find someone better for yourself.

526
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:29,480
Speaker 2: Maybe if you guys got engaged to salvage a relationship.

527
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:30,040
Speaker 2: It's over.

528
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:33,919
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's like the complete opposite of what needs to happen.

529
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:37,280
Speaker 4: That just truly doesn't make any sort of sense at all,

530
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 4: Like were you thinking that you could just fake it? Like, oh, well,

531
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:43,080
Speaker 4: if we can engage, that'll be something to do, something

532
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:46,200
Speaker 4: to talk about, Like we got to plan a wedding. Cool,

533
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:48,040
Speaker 4: we got a shared activity.

534
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,440
Speaker 2: Oh, he says. We have worked together on his career

535
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:52,760
Speaker 2: stability as a team. I was the one that even

536
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:55,720
Speaker 2: looked into getting a consultation for his portfolio. He's a

537
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:58,560
Speaker 2: graphic designer, and I offered to help pay for part

538
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:00,359
Speaker 2: of it. I send him jobs to apply for and

539
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:02,680
Speaker 2: try to find connections within my network to send over

540
00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:05,200
Speaker 2: to him, et cetera. I've tried helping him move out

541
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:07,360
Speaker 2: of his mom's house as well. Over the years, I've

542
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:09,239
Speaker 2: gone to look at places with him and connect him

543
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,919
Speaker 2: with brokers and help him increase his credit score so

544
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:14,080
Speaker 2: he can qualify for housing, et cetera. And I am

545
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:16,480
Speaker 2: now offering for him to move to my place so

546
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:19,200
Speaker 2: we can start the process of living together. It's crazy

547
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:21,880
Speaker 2: for you to assume I haven't been helping him all

548
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,400
Speaker 2: this time. Comment. If you don't know how you feel,

549
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:26,920
Speaker 2: you shouldn't be engaged, you shouldn't be living together. Get

550
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,359
Speaker 2: into some couples therapy and start talking about things. Have

551
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:32,640
Speaker 2: deep conversations about the hard things. Make plans and see

552
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:35,600
Speaker 2: if both of you work to action them. If nothing changes,

553
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:38,520
Speaker 2: then you know, relationships take work, and to be honest,

554
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:40,760
Speaker 2: it sounds like the work isn't being done on one

555
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,479
Speaker 2: or both sides. Ope, he says. So the thing is

556
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:45,879
Speaker 2: we're in couples therapy now and have been for the

557
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:50,360
Speaker 2: past year, boom roasted. Most of the difficult conversations are

558
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:53,720
Speaker 2: also initiated by me, so I don't know how much

559
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:56,480
Speaker 2: it's helped us overcome some of these deficiencies. We have

560
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 2: an update from two days later. I think, ah, smell

561
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:01,520
Speaker 2: of little bit of trouble. I don't know if this

562
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:02,360
Speaker 2: is gonna work out.

563
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, I had no hope from the beginning. You've been

564
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:09,399
Speaker 4: in couples therapy and it's been a rough ride up

565
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:11,760
Speaker 4: until you got engaged. You have multiple fights. What are

566
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 4: you guys fighting about? Because you might love him, you might,

567
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 4: but like that also happens when you've been with someone

568
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,920
Speaker 4: for six years, Like you would definitely if you were

569
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:23,639
Speaker 4: hanging out with someone, like if you went to school

570
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,119
Speaker 4: with someone for six years, you could love them. But

571
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:29,080
Speaker 4: like even if that's like platonic or something, it's like, well, yeah,

572
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:31,320
Speaker 4: I gotta I've been with them for so long, I

573
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,639
Speaker 4: know them so well. But like, listen to your gut

574
00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:36,879
Speaker 4: in your head when they tell you that this is

575
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,720
Speaker 4: a bad idea, because that's a that's a huge part

576
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:39,919
Speaker 4: of it.

577
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:42,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, honestly, you're like, all my gut in my head

578
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:43,920
Speaker 2: and my heart are telling me different things. It's like

579
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:45,960
Speaker 2: it sounds like they're all telling you like a version

580
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:46,800
Speaker 2: of the same thing.

581
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:48,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, exactly.

582
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:51,919
Speaker 2: I thirty female, was in a five almost six year

583
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,520
Speaker 2: relationship with a man thirty one male that wasn't logistically

584
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:56,440
Speaker 2: ready to put his life with mine. He's still living

585
00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:58,880
Speaker 2: at home with the mom, getting his career in check,

586
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:00,720
Speaker 2: and through all this time, I stayed with him in

587
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,320
Speaker 2: the hopes that he would get his life together so

588
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:06,120
Speaker 2: we could start hours after five years with essentially no change.

589
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:08,919
Speaker 2: We had the genius idea of getting engaged with the

590
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,440
Speaker 2: hopes that things would just click into place. The only

591
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:13,639
Speaker 2: thing that clicked to me is that we aren't ready

592
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:16,520
Speaker 2: for marriage. No, we don't live together, and we never

593
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:18,479
Speaker 2: got the chance to. I wanted him to leave his

594
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:20,880
Speaker 2: family home before moving in with me, and he never

595
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:23,359
Speaker 2: got around to it. In addition, his lack of taking

596
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:26,439
Speaker 2: initiative and troubles with autonomy and decision making were a

597
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:29,400
Speaker 2: big part of why these things never happened. On top

598
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:31,800
Speaker 2: of the fact that his finances aren't where they need

599
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:34,159
Speaker 2: to be with the recent passing of my grandmother, on

600
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:36,080
Speaker 2: top of having to tell the love of my life

601
00:26:36,119 --> 00:26:38,199
Speaker 2: that we can't be together, you can only imagine how

602
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,520
Speaker 2: badly my heart is breaking. I never wanted it to

603
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:43,200
Speaker 2: end this way, but I also couldn't picture us being

604
00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:47,000
Speaker 2: happy with the way things were. Add resentment around timelines

605
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:51,280
Speaker 2: and dissatisfaction with intimacy, spicy sleep, etc. Into the mix,

606
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:54,440
Speaker 2: and it was bound to happen. While I also take

607
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,320
Speaker 2: blame for allowing the relationship to drag on this long,

608
00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:00,920
Speaker 2: I learned that having the difficult and important conversation earlier

609
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:04,960
Speaker 2: is what sets couples up for success, especially when marriage

610
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,960
Speaker 2: comes into the picture as well. Seek counseling if you

611
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:12,159
Speaker 2: guys feel necessary and be fully transparent with one another.

612
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:14,840
Speaker 2: Early on, we tried our best to do those things,

613
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:18,120
Speaker 2: but our efforts were not enough to really build anything. Lastly,

614
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 2: love is not enough to make a marriage last communication, respect, compromise,

615
00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 2: and commitment in addition to love and companionship. Do out

616
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:29,880
Speaker 2: of the sixth listed here, I can say we only

617
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:34,200
Speaker 2: successfully achieved three after almost six years. My heart is heavy,

618
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:36,400
Speaker 2: but I know this is what's best for both of us.

619
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:39,119
Speaker 2: And that is the end of that story, exactly. And

620
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:41,919
Speaker 2: the lesson is, yes, sometimes you got to make heavy

621
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:44,879
Speaker 2: heart decisions. Yeah, and it sucks.

622
00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 4: And I'm proud of you for doing it because that's

623
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:47,960
Speaker 4: fricking hard.

624
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:51,000
Speaker 2: But it definitely is better than getting married. That would

625
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,720
Speaker 2: have been much worse. Yeah, I guess what. It still

626
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:55,720
Speaker 2: would have been the same situation, and it still would

627
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,000
Speaker 2: have sucked, and you still be hurting totally.

628
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:00,720
Speaker 4: I mean, if you like, if you are feeling this

629
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:02,800
Speaker 4: way after only six years, how long are you planning

630
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:05,720
Speaker 4: to live? Because I saw a long time to be

631
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:08,840
Speaker 4: with this person that you're unhappy with. Yeah, long time.

632
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,359
Speaker 2: It's a long long time, long long time.

633
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:13,520
Speaker 5: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

634
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:14,399
Speaker 5: on to the next one.

635
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We'll get back to the stories. But

636
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,120
Speaker 1: here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

637
00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:23,240
Speaker 4: My fiance made our wedding planning a nightmare. Now I

638
00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:24,359
Speaker 4: want to call it off.

639
00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:26,240
Speaker 2: Nightmare nightmare, nightmare nightmare.

640
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:28,960
Speaker 4: So about a year ago I popped the big question.

641
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:31,760
Speaker 4: I was deeply in love with my girlfriend and everything

642
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:36,120
Speaker 4: felt amazing. Keyword was that is until she transformed into

643
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:38,520
Speaker 4: a bride zilla in front of my eyes. By the way,

644
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 4: this comes from it throwaway the day to one two three,

645
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:43,000
Speaker 4: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

646
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:45,560
Speaker 4: to the r slash Okay storytime and separate it. And

647
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 4: I'm Angie, I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good

648
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,200
Speaker 4: advice goofy, but we don't have all the answers. We

649
00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 4: just know what we would do in the situation, So

650
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:54,560
Speaker 4: let us know what you would do in the comments.

651
00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 4: So Ever, since we got engaged, all she can do

652
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:59,320
Speaker 4: is talk about the wedding. At first, this was fine,

653
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:02,600
Speaker 4: but it's to consume her. I thought I would get

654
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:04,760
Speaker 4: some say in how the day was going to go,

655
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:08,000
Speaker 4: but everything I suggest is immediately shot down. The only

656
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,240
Speaker 4: choice I got to make was my tucks, and even

657
00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 4: that had to fit her color scheme. Things really started

658
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,960
Speaker 4: ramping up when her mother came down for the weekend.

659
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 4: She is your typical trailer trash woman who married into

660
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 4: a successful family. All her ideas are awful and tacky,

661
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:26,480
Speaker 4: yet my fiance laps them up like a dehydrated person

662
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 4: in a desert. When I try to bring it up

663
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:31,400
Speaker 4: with her, she tells me that this is her big

664
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 4: day and I should just be supportive. I told her

665
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:36,520
Speaker 4: it was my money and that I should have more

666
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:38,600
Speaker 4: of a say and how it's spent. Her mom picked

667
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:41,880
Speaker 4: out maroon tablecloths with flowers and suns on them. I

668
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:45,080
Speaker 4: feel like it's a funeral for a carnival worker. She

669
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:48,080
Speaker 4: even suggested that we have adult soda kegs on ta.

670
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:51,200
Speaker 4: The last straw was when she and her mother, without

671
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 4: my consent, used my credit card to pay for a

672
00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:56,440
Speaker 4: venue down by a river instead of the church that

673
00:29:56,480 --> 00:30:00,360
Speaker 4: we discussed, where my family has attended for generation and

674
00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:04,080
Speaker 4: made many contributions. The pricing was even a little cheaper

675
00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:06,960
Speaker 4: minus the price of the hall afterwards. Who wants to

676
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 4: get married next to us sinking river of full of

677
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:13,600
Speaker 4: flies and whatever other insects float around on top of people?

678
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:16,280
Speaker 4: Who will just waltz up to enjoy the day while

679
00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:19,560
Speaker 4: we were trying to get married. I finally had enough

680
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:21,920
Speaker 4: after she told me what she did. I canceled the

681
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:24,920
Speaker 4: payment on my credit card, spending hours dealing with the

682
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:27,920
Speaker 4: credit card company. I told her she could either set

683
00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:30,280
Speaker 4: up a date at the church or find someone else

684
00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:32,800
Speaker 4: to marry because I've had enough. She's spent the last

685
00:30:32,800 --> 00:30:35,400
Speaker 4: couple of hours bawling her eyes out to her mom,

686
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:38,400
Speaker 4: making me seem like the monster after she went behind

687
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 4: my back? Am I the hole in this situation? And

688
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:42,560
Speaker 4: we do have an update? But what would you say

689
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:42,960
Speaker 4: to Coda?

690
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 2: I don't even think so, honestly, Like sometimes I might

691
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:48,880
Speaker 2: be like yeah, but no, it's like you guys had

692
00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:51,080
Speaker 2: already set up this venue and it's like really important

693
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,880
Speaker 2: because your family has gone there for generations and stuff,

694
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:56,680
Speaker 2: and it's like, what are we talking about? Yeah, yeah,

695
00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:59,320
Speaker 2: it's our wedding, our wedding.

696
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:01,680
Speaker 4: And that's like a huge thing to one, I mean

697
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:05,040
Speaker 4: not even talk about and two yeah, like you're disrespecting

698
00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:08,360
Speaker 4: me And it's just a not even alone example. It's

699
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:12,040
Speaker 4: just another example of how you're not thinking of me

700
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:15,200
Speaker 4: and thinking of like my feelings when it's our wedding,

701
00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:17,960
Speaker 4: Like what why are we not even and why are

702
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:19,600
Speaker 4: we not considering it, not even talking about it.

703
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 2: This happens sometimes when people get you know, engaged, and

704
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,080
Speaker 2: they're like doing the wedding thing, and then this kind

705
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:27,200
Speaker 2: of stuff like rears its head and you realize, oh,

706
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:29,520
Speaker 2: this is just gonna be my whole life. Yeah, like

707
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:32,120
Speaker 2: if it's not the wedding, it'll be like some other

708
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:35,720
Speaker 2: thing where it's just like just this insane like everything

709
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 2: has to be my way perfect and you have no

710
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 2: say and all this stuff. It's like, yeah, we can't

711
00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:42,320
Speaker 2: even do that, Like I'm not signing up for that future,

712
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:42,920
Speaker 2: you know.

713
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 4: Exactly exactly. We do have an update. Thank you everyone

714
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 4: for your great responses. It has been a pretty eye opening,

715
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,360
Speaker 4: to say the least. I'm going to confront her in

716
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:54,160
Speaker 4: the morning. I'll post another update for anyone so interested.

717
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 4: And there are some comments. OPI responds to a deleted

718
00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:01,760
Speaker 4: comment about his fiance taking his money without his Opie says, right,

719
00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:04,840
Speaker 4: who thinks it's right to take someone's money without their

720
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:07,360
Speaker 4: consent and then get mad at them for being upset?

721
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:10,080
Speaker 4: Commentary number one says, not the a hole. Maybe it's

722
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:12,600
Speaker 4: my values, but I think to this day is also

723
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:15,280
Speaker 4: very very much your day, not just hers, so you

724
00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:18,800
Speaker 4: should undoubtedly have a say in this, unless, of course,

725
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:21,960
Speaker 4: you handed her the reins. She's forgetting about the person

726
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:24,920
Speaker 4: she's marrying, and I don't think her mother is helping.

727
00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:27,320
Speaker 4: This should not break you up, but you should definitely

728
00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:30,120
Speaker 4: have a conversation about it. You should also consider how

729
00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:32,480
Speaker 4: she treats your money now and how she might in

730
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:35,040
Speaker 4: the future. Running with your credit card and making a

731
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:38,560
Speaker 4: brand new plan without you is a big no. There's

732
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,200
Speaker 4: no guarantee what might happen when you share finances in

733
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 4: the future. Opie says, the financial aspect does worry me.

734
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:46,720
Speaker 4: What if I come home one day to find out

735
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:49,320
Speaker 4: that we're in debt over our heads because of an

736
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 4: investment that she made without talking to me. Comment number

737
00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 4: two says everyone sucks here. Your fiance is way out

738
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:57,959
Speaker 4: of line booking something with your credit card without discussing it.

739
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 4: But you also seem a holish consenting. You talk about

740
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:05,120
Speaker 4: her trashy mother and look down on her ideas, completely

741
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:08,040
Speaker 4: ignoring that these are things that your fiance genuinely likes.

742
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:12,120
Speaker 4: Her mother is trailer trash, That's probably how she was raised.

743
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:15,400
Speaker 4: That's what she's comfortable with why are you marrying someone

744
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:17,360
Speaker 4: when you look down on the way that she was

745
00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:19,640
Speaker 4: raised and the things that she enjoys. You say the

746
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:21,840
Speaker 4: original plan was to get married in the church that

747
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:25,080
Speaker 4: has been special to your family for generations, But you

748
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:27,920
Speaker 4: also say that you had no input other than your tucks.

749
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 4: Those conflicting statements make me wonder what else you've my

750
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:34,400
Speaker 4: way or the high weight to her on without even noticing. Honestly,

751
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:36,520
Speaker 4: you both have way more issues to sort out than

752
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:38,360
Speaker 4: the venues before you get married. Come in to her.

753
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:40,840
Speaker 4: Number three says not the a hole. Frankly in your shoes.

754
00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:43,360
Speaker 4: I would have called off the entire wedding. It seems

755
00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:45,720
Speaker 4: as soon as she had you locked in, her real

756
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:48,760
Speaker 4: personality came to the fore. Her mother is probably a

757
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,160
Speaker 4: good example of what your fiance will become in the future.

758
00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:54,000
Speaker 4: I would have noped the f out a while ago.

759
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:56,880
Speaker 4: You don't say you love her, you say you did.

760
00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:59,920
Speaker 4: Time to walk away, dude, for both of your sake,

761
00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:03,040
Speaker 4: and we do have a second update. I got a

762
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:05,520
Speaker 4: lot of great advice from my post last time, and

763
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:07,640
Speaker 4: the main thing I took away was that someone using

764
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:10,040
Speaker 4: your money for large purchases behind your back is a

765
00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:12,879
Speaker 4: big red flag. Well, it turns out you guys were right,

766
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:15,799
Speaker 4: because I decided to look into our finances regarding the

767
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:19,000
Speaker 4: wedding and found a lot more than I bargained for.

768
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:21,719
Speaker 4: I have a large savings account that I have been

769
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:23,839
Speaker 4: putting money into for the last eight years or so.

770
00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 4: About a year back, my fiance ran into some vehicle

771
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:29,440
Speaker 4: trouble and it was a hassle, so I gave her

772
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:32,240
Speaker 4: access to my account in case of emergencies in the future.

773
00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:34,680
Speaker 4: This same account is what we were using for a

774
00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:37,600
Speaker 4: lot of the wedding expenses. We agreed on a maximum

775
00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:39,800
Speaker 4: price that we could spend out of it, and everything

776
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:42,440
Speaker 4: else would have to come directly out of pocket. I

777
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:44,600
Speaker 4: don't often keep tabs on the account because it's in

778
00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:46,319
Speaker 4: the back of my mind. I put money out of

779
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:48,680
Speaker 4: each check into it and move on. After all this

780
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:51,600
Speaker 4: went down yesterday, I decided to check all my finances

781
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:54,200
Speaker 4: and found out that not only had she exceeded the

782
00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:56,600
Speaker 4: limit that we agreed to, but some of the money

783
00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:59,960
Speaker 4: coming out didn't make sense. She had transferred almost two

784
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:03,640
Speaker 4: one thousand dollars to her mother recently. I confronted her,

785
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:06,240
Speaker 4: and her answer was that her mom needed the money

786
00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:08,920
Speaker 4: to come down because she can't spend her money right

787
00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:11,439
Speaker 4: now due to a new business venture that her mother

788
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:14,239
Speaker 4: and father are involved in. I was angry because it's

789
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:17,279
Speaker 4: bs that not only are the mother and father not

790
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:19,640
Speaker 4: helping with the wedding, but we have to pay for

791
00:35:19,719 --> 00:35:23,239
Speaker 4: them the entire time too. These people are pretty well off,

792
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:26,400
Speaker 4: so it's ridiculous. And that wasn't the end though. After

793
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:29,160
Speaker 4: more arguing, my fiancee told me that she paid for

794
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:31,600
Speaker 4: her mother and father to come down last time too

795
00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:34,480
Speaker 4: and it wasn't a big deal and that I didn't

796
00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:37,359
Speaker 4: even notice the money was gone, so who cares. After

797
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:39,799
Speaker 4: learning all this, I told her that the wedding was

798
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,239
Speaker 4: off for now until I get a chance to think

799
00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:45,400
Speaker 4: things through. She cried and begged for another chance, but

800
00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:48,880
Speaker 4: I wouldn't budge. I told her I needed time. She's

801
00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 4: staying at the hotel with her mother tonight and I'm

802
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:52,920
Speaker 4: not sure what I'm going to do yet. I'm so

803
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:55,880
Speaker 4: mad right now and feel really betrayed. I don't know

804
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:57,960
Speaker 4: if she's the right one for me anymore. We have

805
00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:00,840
Speaker 4: talked over the phone recently, but still have gone anywhere.

806
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:03,880
Speaker 4: It's a pretty tough situation all around. Thanks for listening everyone,

807
00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:06,799
Speaker 4: But there are some comments left here. But do you

808
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:08,080
Speaker 4: have any final comments of your own?

809
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:12,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think literally stealing your money and not telling you,

810
00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:14,520
Speaker 2: because it's like it's just a discussion. It's like, hey,

811
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:17,160
Speaker 2: I need to pay for my mom's flight, Like, and

812
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:19,640
Speaker 2: you said some money from the savings account, But she

813
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:20,759
Speaker 2: just stole from you.

814
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:23,960
Speaker 4: She just stole. There are some comments coming. Number one

815
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:25,920
Speaker 4: says I could tell from the first post that this

816
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:28,000
Speaker 4: dude is going to get the your money is our

817
00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:30,799
Speaker 4: money treatment? If he says I, do I really hope

818
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,279
Speaker 4: he saved himself coming. Number two says, yeah, No, I

819
00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:36,440
Speaker 4: cannot take this girl seriously. First you don't contribute to

820
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:38,480
Speaker 4: the fund, and now take it all away like it's

821
00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:41,560
Speaker 4: yours and then beg for another chance. Dang, I would

822
00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:45,160
Speaker 4: have called the police on the first thing alone. Someone responds,

823
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:48,200
Speaker 4: I can't take him seriously either. He is a condescending

824
00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 4: butt hat to her money grabbing Bridezilla. It's like they've

825
00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:54,759
Speaker 4: never had any of the important pre marriage conversations. They

826
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:58,000
Speaker 4: are obviously not remotely a loving team. Neither of them

827
00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:00,799
Speaker 4: are within spitting distance of being ready for marriage. I

828
00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,160
Speaker 4: would love to know their ages if he said, I

829
00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:06,680
Speaker 4: missed it because they act like they're teenagers. Someone else responds,

830
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:09,160
Speaker 4: I'm surprised to see so many in this thread sighting

831
00:37:09,239 --> 00:37:13,240
Speaker 4: fully with Ope when it's clear that he's an unreliable narrator.

832
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:15,880
Speaker 4: They both seem to really suck, and I wouldn't wish

833
00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:18,880
Speaker 4: either of them on any one. Another commentary says, Okay,

834
00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:21,240
Speaker 4: I agree with everything else and Op dodged a bullet,

835
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:24,240
Speaker 4: but I can't wrap my head around why having drapped

836
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:27,680
Speaker 4: adult soda at a wedding is trashy, Like you're okay

837
00:37:27,719 --> 00:37:31,680
Speaker 4: with an open bar, but a keg brings socioeconomic judgment,

838
00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:34,879
Speaker 4: someone explained. Someone else responds when he described Mom as

839
00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:37,680
Speaker 4: a typical trailer trash woman, I knew Ope was a

840
00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:40,719
Speaker 4: pos too. And yeah, there's a whole bunch of other

841
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:42,399
Speaker 4: comments just like crapping on Op.

842
00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:47,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, fair, fair, fair, But.

843
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:50,000
Speaker 4: I think because that was like such a small part

844
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:53,600
Speaker 4: to the story, like in relation to everything that she

845
00:37:53,719 --> 00:37:55,719
Speaker 4: did wrong, I didn't really think about it that much.

846
00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:58,719
Speaker 2: Those table costs. It sounds so bad though.

847
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:02,279
Speaker 4: Yeah, maroon with flowers and sons, Well, honestly, I feel

848
00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:04,680
Speaker 4: like there's a way to do it. If I'm imagining it,

849
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:09,160
Speaker 4: I'm imagining like gold suns and flowers and like a

850
00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:11,360
Speaker 4: simple thing around the edges or something.

851
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:14,160
Speaker 2: And then it's like I'm imagining like maroon and orange.

852
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:17,879
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm imagining like very Renaissance type vibe. But yeah,

853
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:19,319
Speaker 4: at the end of the day, you're not right for

854
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:19,759
Speaker 4: each other.

855
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 2: You got it.

856
00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:22,520
Speaker 4: You gotta respect to your mother in law and you

857
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:25,960
Speaker 4: gotta not steal from your fiance. And that's the end

858
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:27,879
Speaker 4: of this story. We're going on to the next one.

859
00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:32,040
Speaker 2: Everything went wrong at me and my wife's wedding, from

860
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:35,240
Speaker 2: her family to the photographer.

861
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:37,040
Speaker 4: Not the photographer, and everything in between.

862
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 2: There ain't no flare to recap what went down this weekend. Y'all,

863
00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:44,760
Speaker 2: weddings bring out a different breed of crazy and people.

864
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:49,359
Speaker 2: And by the way, this comes from user orange juliuss

865
00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:51,239
Speaker 2: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

866
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:53,600
Speaker 2: to the r slash Okay storytime suburn it. I'm Dakota,

867
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:57,160
Speaker 2: I'm Angie, and we're here to good advice. That was googling.

868
00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:59,120
Speaker 2: But we don't have all the answers. We just know

869
00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 2: what we do, so let us know what you do.

870
00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:04,280
Speaker 2: In the comments, and op says, I'd like to start

871
00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:07,600
Speaker 2: by saying, I absolutely adore my wife, I adore my

872
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:10,480
Speaker 2: chosen family, and I will forever cherish our wedding as

873
00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:13,759
Speaker 2: the day our family tree was planted. Necessary context. We

874
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:17,520
Speaker 2: had a non religious family only about ten people, ceremony

875
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:20,920
Speaker 2: at noon in a state park, immediately followed by a

876
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:23,239
Speaker 2: reception at a nearby location with the rest of our

877
00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:26,520
Speaker 2: guests about sixty people. It was a fifteen minute drive

878
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:30,120
Speaker 2: between locations. We'd been engaged for about fourteen months and

879
00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:32,880
Speaker 2: sent out save the dates exactly one year in advance.

880
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:35,400
Speaker 2: My wife had a major medical emergency that kept her

881
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:38,360
Speaker 2: in the hospital all summer. There was absolutely a time

882
00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:41,480
Speaker 2: we thought we'd have two postpone. All of her doctors

883
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:44,000
Speaker 2: were extremely surprised she would be able to walk long

884
00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:46,799
Speaker 2: enough to go down the aisle and stand long enough

885
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:50,240
Speaker 2: to have her first dance interjection. This determination in grit

886
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:52,839
Speaker 2: is why I married her. Now. On to the wedding day,

887
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:55,279
Speaker 2: one family member in her forty showed up in a

888
00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:58,080
Speaker 2: white T shirt and black leggings. Somehow, this is the

889
00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:01,239
Speaker 2: least defensive thing that happened, and makes both of us

890
00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:04,200
Speaker 2: laugh when we talk about it. Wife's mom, grandma, grandpa,

891
00:40:04,239 --> 00:40:07,560
Speaker 2: and her only sibling did not attend the ceremony nor reception.

892
00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 2: Still not sure why. The photographer's camera crapped out immediately

893
00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:15,279
Speaker 2: after we walked down the aisle, so everything else was

894
00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:19,400
Speaker 2: taken on a phone. Family photos, rings, first kiss, everything.

895
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 2: I had assumed she would want to run home and

896
00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:24,440
Speaker 2: figure that out before dinner and the first dance, so

897
00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:26,640
Speaker 2: we let her leave a little early. When we showed

898
00:40:26,719 --> 00:40:29,160
Speaker 2: up to dinner, I immediately noticed the family table was

899
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:32,239
Speaker 2: only half full. My in laws were nowhere to be found. They,

900
00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:36,839
Speaker 2: along with the photographer, missed our first dance and speeches.

901
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:40,440
Speaker 2: Dinner and cake were completely gone, and dishes were on

902
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:42,879
Speaker 2: the drying rack by the time they got there. Aunt

903
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:46,360
Speaker 2: and uncle strolled in almost four hours late, stayed for

904
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:49,279
Speaker 2: forty five minutes, and then left. Turns out cousins and

905
00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:51,919
Speaker 2: uncles were at another party when we did the math,

906
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,400
Speaker 2: and an uncle decided to show up when the Dodgers

907
00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:58,000
Speaker 2: had sealed the game. F the Dodgers, but that's relevant.

908
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:01,360
Speaker 2: All night, our VIP friends and I texted and called

909
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:04,000
Speaker 2: the photographer like our lives depended on it. We took

910
00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:07,279
Speaker 2: shifts all night long. The response. After we got into bed,

911
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:10,640
Speaker 2: Verbatim was fell asleep. Thankfully, we had a few folks

912
00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:12,840
Speaker 2: go nuts on their phones, so it's not like we

913
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:15,440
Speaker 2: don't have any pictures, but that meant all night I

914
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:18,400
Speaker 2: was worrying about asking people to take and text me

915
00:41:18,560 --> 00:41:21,680
Speaker 2: pictures of my wife. Thankfully, the agreement was cash in

916
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:24,840
Speaker 2: exchange for a disc of unedited photos. Yeah. I know

917
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:27,919
Speaker 2: that's non traditional, but that's how people do things here.

918
00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:30,719
Speaker 2: When the disc is physically in my hands, I will

919
00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:33,279
Speaker 2: inform her that she will not receive any payment as

920
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:37,360
Speaker 2: she failed to meet her obligations as a hired photographer. Thankfully,

921
00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:40,040
Speaker 2: she has already sent the pictures on her phone, which

922
00:41:40,040 --> 00:41:42,640
Speaker 2: were the most important parts anyway. Oh and did I

923
00:41:42,719 --> 00:41:45,360
Speaker 2: mention our officiants showed up to the ceremony with a

924
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:48,600
Speaker 2: completely blank journal, not a drop of ink on her

925
00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:52,200
Speaker 2: supposed script. She did not use the proclamation or declaration

926
00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:55,000
Speaker 2: my wife and I wrote together. None of the readings

927
00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:57,640
Speaker 2: were provided. She had no idea what was going on

928
00:41:57,719 --> 00:42:00,120
Speaker 2: and repeatedly asked me what to do and what is

929
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:03,759
Speaker 2: supposed to happen next. She delayed and canceled every opportunity

930
00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:06,560
Speaker 2: we had to rehearse and showed up ten minutes before

931
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:09,840
Speaker 2: we walked down the aisle. Bro those crazy who are

932
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:12,760
Speaker 2: you guys hiring for this stuff? Like, would you guys

933
00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:13,440
Speaker 2: grab for this?

934
00:42:13,719 --> 00:42:15,359
Speaker 4: At that point, I feel like it. It's like, well,

935
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:18,239
Speaker 4: if you can't make any of the rehearsals, like you

936
00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:22,200
Speaker 4: decline once, whatever scheduling issue, we make it up. Okay,

937
00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:24,399
Speaker 4: you declined twice, I'm getting someone else.

938
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:25,480
Speaker 2: You're the officiant.

939
00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:28,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm getting someone ordained online in like twenty four

940
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:29,880
Speaker 4: hours or whatever.

941
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:33,440
Speaker 2: And yeah, you're booted. All right, She's gonna get someone

942
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:35,759
Speaker 2: who knows how to read. The ceremony missed the most

943
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:40,879
Speaker 2: important ceremonial parts. The photographer missed ten hours of her commitment. Family. Well,

944
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:43,160
Speaker 2: that's a great question. Yeah. I love my wife. I

945
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:45,359
Speaker 2: am so hyped I got to marry my best friend.

946
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:48,399
Speaker 2: I'm so extremely happy she's been healthy enough to have

947
00:42:48,520 --> 00:42:50,640
Speaker 2: a wedding. I just hate that so many different people

948
00:42:50,719 --> 00:42:52,880
Speaker 2: let her down. And there's an edit. I swear the

949
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:55,319
Speaker 2: lack of detail in this is from writing it at

950
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:58,239
Speaker 2: four am in my kitchen after everyone left, when I said,

951
00:42:58,320 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 2: how we do things here? I live in a very

952
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:03,640
Speaker 2: rural small town on the US Mexico border naming the

953
00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:06,480
Speaker 2: community would one hundred percent identify me as if this

954
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:09,399
Speaker 2: whole post doesn't anyways, Lol, It would have been way

955
00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:11,960
Speaker 2: too expensive to pay someone to travel several hours to us,

956
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:14,800
Speaker 2: so we asked who we thought was a reliable family member.

957
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:16,640
Speaker 2: She's done a lot of similar work for people in

958
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:18,560
Speaker 2: the community in the same boat as us. And there

959
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:22,080
Speaker 2: are some comments here, boy oh boy, what a mess.

960
00:43:22,239 --> 00:43:23,440
Speaker 2: But at least y'all are married.

961
00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:25,279
Speaker 4: At least y'all am married at the end of the day.

962
00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:28,319
Speaker 4: I mean you can hopefully just like turn it into

963
00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:30,160
Speaker 4: a funny story. Yeah, it off.

964
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:33,440
Speaker 2: It's a funny story now, because I mean, would you

965
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:36,040
Speaker 2: rather have a funny story or would you rather have

966
00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:38,360
Speaker 2: like super cookie cutter wedding boring?

967
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:40,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, just like all the others.

968
00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:44,120
Speaker 2: Now, the ridiculousness of it all bond you together. Relevant

969
00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:47,200
Speaker 2: comments number one, I am so sorry this all happened.

970
00:43:47,239 --> 00:43:49,279
Speaker 2: I know you're trying to be positive and are still

971
00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:51,640
Speaker 2: so grateful you got to marry your wife, who got

972
00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:53,920
Speaker 2: to make it to her own wedding, but you have

973
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:57,040
Speaker 2: every right to be PI. Truly, I would trash that

974
00:43:57,080 --> 00:44:00,760
Speaker 2: photographer on every single review board possible, include local wedding

975
00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:04,680
Speaker 2: Facebook pages. I'd reach out to every day of coordinator

976
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:07,439
Speaker 2: or a wedding planner in the area and advise them

977
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:10,640
Speaker 2: to not hire this person next. And this is obviously

978
00:44:10,719 --> 00:44:13,080
Speaker 2: up to your wife, but I'd really consider going no

979
00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:16,319
Speaker 2: contact with her whole immediate family. It doesn't sound like

980
00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:18,440
Speaker 2: you guys have major beef with them if you have

981
00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:21,840
Speaker 2: no idea why they didn't show. You'd think a set

982
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:25,680
Speaker 2: of parents, siblings, and grandparents would be so happy their

983
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 2: child or family member was alive and well and getting

984
00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:31,000
Speaker 2: married to the love of their life that they would

985
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:34,200
Speaker 2: be at their wedding crying. But no, they don't care

986
00:44:34,239 --> 00:44:36,920
Speaker 2: about her, and I think going no contact is the

987
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:39,279
Speaker 2: best way to protect her going forward. For when you

988
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:42,960
Speaker 2: guys have children and other major life events that they ignore.

989
00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:46,200
Speaker 2: Don't give them the opportunity to even pretend to care

990
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:49,680
Speaker 2: because they don't. Opie says, thank you for this, I

991
00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:52,680
Speaker 2: really appreciate it. I texted her mom to say we

992
00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:55,600
Speaker 2: missed you yesterday. My wife would like at least a

993
00:44:55,640 --> 00:44:58,440
Speaker 2: text from her mother on her wedding day. The response

994
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:01,719
Speaker 2: was noted reading between the lines here and totally not

995
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:04,719
Speaker 2: blaming op for this crazy stuff happening. It seems that

996
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:08,120
Speaker 2: maybe OP had more of an informal type gathering that

997
00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:11,560
Speaker 2: did not involve professional wedding vendors. I can't imagine any

998
00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:14,560
Speaker 2: well reviewed photographer would fall asleep, or well reviewed officient

999
00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:17,120
Speaker 2: would come empty handed and wing it. There is something

1000
00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:19,600
Speaker 2: more to this story. People's own parents do not miss

1001
00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:22,200
Speaker 2: their weddings without their being more to the story, even

1002
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:24,520
Speaker 2: if the more is just that their horrible parents, or

1003
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:27,240
Speaker 2: that it was Op's wife's fifth wedding or something. Ope,

1004
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:30,239
Speaker 2: we need more details here, Op says, correct, you'll see

1005
00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:32,600
Speaker 2: in my edit. But our family and local community is

1006
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:35,239
Speaker 2: just way too small to justify vendors of any kind there.

1007
00:45:35,320 --> 00:45:38,640
Speaker 2: Legitimately are not wedding vendors here, so our only option

1008
00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:41,000
Speaker 2: for chairs and tables were a business an hour away

1009
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 2: that specializes in bouncy houses, much more of a DIY wedding,

1010
00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:47,920
Speaker 2: but it still deserves the same respect from the people

1011
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:51,080
Speaker 2: in our lives. Comment three says, I think you and

1012
00:45:51,080 --> 00:45:55,160
Speaker 2: your wife deserve beautyful wedding votos. I would pick a

1013
00:45:55,239 --> 00:45:58,600
Speaker 2: location you love in an actual professional photographer, so some

1014
00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:01,120
Speaker 2: staged photos of you both and your wedding gear can

1015
00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:03,040
Speaker 2: be taken if you're not up to it now. It

1016
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:06,120
Speaker 2: would make a wonderful first anniversary gift. If I hadn't

1017
00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:08,839
Speaker 2: quite literally just returned to my rental TuS, I'd say

1018
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:10,920
Speaker 2: we'd go for it this week. She loves the idea

1019
00:46:10,960 --> 00:46:13,440
Speaker 2: of retrying the vow ceremony just the two of us

1020
00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:16,960
Speaker 2: with a very very close friend, who expressed her disgust

1021
00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:21,000
Speaker 2: at both the photographer and efficient situations. A fourth comment says,

1022
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:23,600
Speaker 2: I hope you torched that photographer in her reviews. Oh,

1023
00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:26,600
Speaker 2: he says I did torture in her dang text messages

1024
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:30,560
Speaker 2: selfish and lazy, honestly. And there is another littles a

1025
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:33,759
Speaker 2: little update right here. Ooh, I want to know what

1026
00:46:33,800 --> 00:46:38,279
Speaker 2: it says normalize trashing people who let you down as

1027
00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:39,960
Speaker 2: a business, It's okay.

1028
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:41,880
Speaker 4: Kay to be Karen, if you're justified.

1029
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:46,320
Speaker 2: If your wedding photographer falls asleep tick when she's supposed

1030
00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:49,120
Speaker 2: to be taking your wedding photos, let them all know.

1031
00:46:49,680 --> 00:46:52,439
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like I feel like getting a full refund isn't

1032
00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:54,520
Speaker 4: even enough. Like I feel like you need to pay

1033
00:46:54,640 --> 00:46:57,759
Speaker 4: me because yeah, I could have gotten someone else who

1034
00:46:57,800 --> 00:46:59,600
Speaker 4: would have done the job. True, and I did it,

1035
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:01,600
Speaker 4: and you you took up that space for me to

1036
00:47:01,680 --> 00:47:03,480
Speaker 4: not get wedding pictures one.

1037
00:47:03,480 --> 00:47:06,359
Speaker 2: Hundred percent, just to maybe let people know you're gonna

1038
00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:09,440
Speaker 2: hire her. Make sure you have a little a mattress

1039
00:47:09,440 --> 00:47:11,040
Speaker 2: into corna because it's gonna be necktime.

1040
00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:14,479
Speaker 4: Make sure you buy all of the camera equipment because

1041
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:15,279
Speaker 4: she won't bring it.

1042
00:47:15,320 --> 00:47:17,160
Speaker 2: In case you missed it, we had a non traditional

1043
00:47:17,200 --> 00:47:19,880
Speaker 2: ceremony and reception in our rural community over the weekend.

1044
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:22,879
Speaker 2: Our photographer slept through the reception, family ditched to watch

1045
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:25,320
Speaker 2: the World Series, and officiants showed up to the ceremony

1046
00:47:25,320 --> 00:47:28,080
Speaker 2: completely empty handed. Number One, no update on the family

1047
00:47:28,239 --> 00:47:31,080
Speaker 2: or why they left. No update from wife's mom, grandparents

1048
00:47:31,120 --> 00:47:33,839
Speaker 2: for not showing, and they are still refusing to reach

1049
00:47:33,880 --> 00:47:36,160
Speaker 2: out to her. She's doing better today, but we probably

1050
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 2: aren't getting an answer on this for a good while. Honestly,

1051
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:41,440
Speaker 2: that is really only her family's loss and not ours.

1052
00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:44,000
Speaker 2: Got the disc of photos, didn't say a word or

1053
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:45,799
Speaker 2: exchange a penny when I picked them up. I just

1054
00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:47,799
Speaker 2: turned around and got right back in the car. Looking

1055
00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:50,040
Speaker 2: at them reminded me why we chose this state park

1056
00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:53,520
Speaker 2: is our venue. It is impossible to even notice camera

1057
00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:56,000
Speaker 2: quality when the location is so stunning. I do a

1058
00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:58,080
Speaker 2: lot of graphic design and photo editing for work, so

1059
00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:01,360
Speaker 2: I'm excited to take brack at editing them myself today.

1060
00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:04,200
Speaker 2: Number three, I don't think we need an apology from

1061
00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:06,360
Speaker 2: the officiant because the photos of her looking like she

1062
00:48:06,440 --> 00:48:09,160
Speaker 2: got caught in the cookie jar are more than enough. God,

1063
00:48:09,200 --> 00:48:11,120
Speaker 2: I wish I could post them here. Her face in

1064
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:15,120
Speaker 2: every single photo rings Reading's vows looks exactly like the

1065
00:48:15,239 --> 00:48:18,960
Speaker 2: awkward monkey puppet meme. In the family photos, she is

1066
00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:22,400
Speaker 2: fully upstaging my wife. My wife is quite literally in

1067
00:48:22,520 --> 00:48:26,520
Speaker 2: her shadow. Lol. In her words, that's a big booty

1068
00:48:26,560 --> 00:48:29,360
Speaker 2: smile for half a booty of work. Every time I

1069
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:32,560
Speaker 2: get irritated or bummed about logistical failings, I look at

1070
00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:36,600
Speaker 2: the ceremony picks and immediately start crying laughing. I'm genuinely

1071
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:39,200
Speaker 2: shocked that this community has been so supportive. It'll be

1072
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:41,000
Speaker 2: a long time before either of us want to spend

1073
00:48:41,040 --> 00:48:43,000
Speaker 2: any amount of time with this side of the family.

1074
00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:45,720
Speaker 2: But we had such a special weekend with childhood friends

1075
00:48:45,719 --> 00:48:48,400
Speaker 2: from nine different states around the country. No matter what,

1076
00:48:48,920 --> 00:48:50,400
Speaker 2: that can never be taken from us.

1077
00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:53,440
Speaker 6: What a beautiful, what a wonderful perspective to leave it

1078
00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:57,440
Speaker 6: with absolutely, yes, absolutely, and that is the end.

1079
00:48:57,280 --> 00:49:00,520
Speaker 2: Of that story. John here og host gonna get back

1080
00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:02,279
Speaker 2: to these stories, but a quick three minute break from

1081
00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:03,200
Speaker 2: hows from our sponsors.

1082
00:49:03,800 --> 00:49:06,719
Speaker 4: My brother in law and his fiance are always late,

1083
00:49:06,920 --> 00:49:08,480
Speaker 4: and now it ruined my wedding.

1084
00:49:08,640 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 2: We better set those clocks early because you know you're

1085
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:11,239
Speaker 2: always late.

1086
00:49:11,320 --> 00:49:11,600
Speaker 5: Baby.

1087
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:15,279
Speaker 4: My hubby thirty eight male's family is Filipino and my

1088
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:19,239
Speaker 4: thirty seven female family is Korean. And hubby's brother forty male,

1089
00:49:19,320 --> 00:49:22,640
Speaker 4: let's call him John. His fiance, thirty female, let's call

1090
00:49:22,719 --> 00:49:26,000
Speaker 4: her Jane, is Chinese. For context, We are both the

1091
00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:28,400
Speaker 4: third child and our families and the problems started with

1092
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:31,560
Speaker 4: his brother and his fiance. By the way, this comes

1093
00:49:31,560 --> 00:49:33,920
Speaker 4: from drinking tea, is all. And if you want to

1094
00:49:33,920 --> 00:49:36,080
Speaker 4: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

1095
00:49:36,080 --> 00:49:37,960
Speaker 4: storytime suffered it And I'm.

1096
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:39,440
Speaker 2: Angie, I'm Dakota.

1097
00:49:39,120 --> 00:49:41,200
Speaker 4: And we're here to give good advice. Gooofully, But we

1098
00:49:41,239 --> 00:49:42,920
Speaker 4: don't have all the answers. We just know what we

1099
00:49:42,960 --> 00:49:44,880
Speaker 4: would do in this situation. So let us know what

1100
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:48,000
Speaker 4: you would do in the comments. So oh, he says,

1101
00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:51,160
Speaker 4: My family didn't accept my husband right away because he

1102
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:54,279
Speaker 4: wasn't Korean. My parents wanted a Korean son in law,

1103
00:49:54,360 --> 00:49:56,200
Speaker 4: so for a couple of years they had to grow

1104
00:49:56,239 --> 00:49:58,880
Speaker 4: to accept my husband and his family, understanding that he

1105
00:49:58,960 --> 00:50:01,279
Speaker 4: treats me right and makes me happy. When he asked

1106
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:04,120
Speaker 4: for their blessing privately and our thirty year together, they

1107
00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:07,040
Speaker 4: happily accepted and gave him the approval. We are almost

1108
00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:09,800
Speaker 4: in our fifth year together and now we are married.

1109
00:50:10,080 --> 00:50:12,839
Speaker 4: When we got engaged in December twenty twenty three, we

1110
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:15,840
Speaker 4: pretty much announced it right away during on Christmas gathering.

1111
00:50:16,239 --> 00:50:18,399
Speaker 4: We wanted to have an engagement party, but we had

1112
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:20,600
Speaker 4: to do it soon because two women in my bridal

1113
00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:24,520
Speaker 4: party announced their pregnancies. By March twenty twenty four, my

1114
00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:26,640
Speaker 4: future in laws told us that they would be out

1115
00:50:26,680 --> 00:50:28,879
Speaker 4: of the country in May twenty twenty fours. We had

1116
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:32,000
Speaker 4: our engagement party in June twenty twenty four. When we

1117
00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:35,560
Speaker 4: sent out our engagement party invitations to everyone, John reached

1118
00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:38,560
Speaker 4: out to us that his girlfriend Jane wouldn't be joining us.

1119
00:50:38,880 --> 00:50:40,680
Speaker 4: We said that that would be fine, as we were

1120
00:50:40,719 --> 00:50:43,440
Speaker 4: sending invitations to get head counts and share that info

1121
00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:47,360
Speaker 4: with the venue coordinator for estimated pricing. When our engagement

1122
00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:49,960
Speaker 4: party happened in June twenty twenty four. We had all

1123
00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:52,880
Speaker 4: the head counts except for John and Jane. John called

1124
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:55,839
Speaker 4: during our engagement party to ask if Jane could bring

1125
00:50:55,880 --> 00:50:58,560
Speaker 4: her friend. We told him it would be an extra cost,

1126
00:50:58,680 --> 00:51:01,160
Speaker 4: but since it was only one person, it was okay.

1127
00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:04,400
Speaker 4: When they arrived, they came without her friend, costing us

1128
00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:07,480
Speaker 4: an extra seventy five dollars for the four hour event,

1129
00:51:07,640 --> 00:51:10,719
Speaker 4: and they were nearly two hours late. From that point on,

1130
00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:13,480
Speaker 4: that was how things started with us. We knew they

1131
00:51:13,480 --> 00:51:16,520
Speaker 4: were always late. I guess we brushed it off thinking

1132
00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:19,040
Speaker 4: it wouldn't hurt our relationship with them. Jane would show

1133
00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:22,520
Speaker 4: up really late or just nonchalantly laugh it off. John,

1134
00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:24,960
Speaker 4: being my husband's best man, was supposed to plan the

1135
00:51:24,960 --> 00:51:28,040
Speaker 4: bachelor's party. My husband had about ten guys going, all

1136
00:51:28,040 --> 00:51:30,719
Speaker 4: married with kids, so they had to plan ahead. Most

1137
00:51:30,719 --> 00:51:33,040
Speaker 4: of their kids were ten or younger, so the sooner

1138
00:51:33,080 --> 00:51:35,920
Speaker 4: they planned, the better it was. Then John gave all

1139
00:51:35,920 --> 00:51:38,239
Speaker 4: the details Only a few weeks before the trip. Some

1140
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:41,000
Speaker 4: of the guys had to back out and plane tickets

1141
00:51:41,120 --> 00:51:43,799
Speaker 4: doubled for those who could still go. I noticed John

1142
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:46,880
Speaker 4: stopped keeping things on track and wasn't in contact unless

1143
00:51:46,920 --> 00:51:51,000
Speaker 4: contacted during our entire wedding preparation. Fast forward to now.

1144
00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:55,120
Speaker 4: We just had a wedding on Halloween, fun and unsurprisingly

1145
00:51:55,280 --> 00:51:58,120
Speaker 4: we had issues with John. At this point, John and

1146
00:51:58,239 --> 00:52:01,680
Speaker 4: Jane are engaged. We had a Friday wedding and how

1147
00:52:01,760 --> 00:52:05,320
Speaker 4: to set up and rehearse on Thursday. John called Wednesday

1148
00:52:05,400 --> 00:52:07,719
Speaker 4: night asking if we would need the truck. We said yes,

1149
00:52:08,040 --> 00:52:11,520
Speaker 4: for our arch, for two flower stands and centerpieces. We

1150
00:52:11,640 --> 00:52:15,319
Speaker 4: thought he was confirming his task. Unbeknownst to us, this

1151
00:52:15,360 --> 00:52:17,000
Speaker 4: would start the family drama.

1152
00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:20,600
Speaker 2: Ah, and so it begins, So it begins.

1153
00:52:20,880 --> 00:52:23,200
Speaker 4: John and three other guys showed up to pick up

1154
00:52:23,239 --> 00:52:25,680
Speaker 4: decorations and help us set up at the venue. Before

1155
00:52:25,719 --> 00:52:28,759
Speaker 4: the rehearsal. We loaded the arch and all centerpieces into

1156
00:52:28,760 --> 00:52:30,960
Speaker 4: his car. I was a little nervous because over the

1157
00:52:31,080 --> 00:52:33,719
Speaker 4: last three years his brother and fiance had been showing

1158
00:52:33,800 --> 00:52:37,840
Speaker 4: up later and later to every event. I expressed concern

1159
00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:41,160
Speaker 4: to my husband. He suggested giving John a chance, believing

1160
00:52:41,239 --> 00:52:43,920
Speaker 4: he wouldn't be late for this. Everyone arrived at the

1161
00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:48,200
Speaker 4: venue on time, except for his brother. He did not

1162
00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:50,959
Speaker 4: show up with the main decorations before the rehearsal. During

1163
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:53,520
Speaker 4: the rehearsal, or for the first two hours of the

1164
00:52:53,560 --> 00:52:56,080
Speaker 4: rehearsal dinner we had planned to set up that day

1165
00:52:56,120 --> 00:52:59,960
Speaker 4: because the actual wedding day schedule was very tight. I panicked,

1166
00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:03,000
Speaker 4: wanting to see how everything would look. We called hospitals,

1167
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:06,040
Speaker 4: police stations, and looked up news reports, fearing a car

1168
00:53:06,120 --> 00:53:10,240
Speaker 4: accident or injury happened. Neither John nor Jane answered calls

1169
00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:13,799
Speaker 4: or texts. There was complete silence until they showed up

1170
00:53:13,880 --> 00:53:16,799
Speaker 4: literally two hours late for the rehearsal dinner. When he

1171
00:53:16,920 --> 00:53:19,440
Speaker 4: arrived with Jane, he said that they had argued, which

1172
00:53:19,480 --> 00:53:22,759
Speaker 4: caused the delay. Everyone at the rehearsal dinner disapproved for

1173
00:53:22,840 --> 00:53:25,000
Speaker 4: his reason for being a no show for set up

1174
00:53:25,080 --> 00:53:28,200
Speaker 4: rehearsal and being late for dinner. Their delay affected our

1175
00:53:28,360 --> 00:53:31,719
Speaker 4: major wedding plans. They could have picked any day, but

1176
00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:35,399
Speaker 4: chose that Thursday. John was also my husband's best man,

1177
00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:39,400
Speaker 4: making this completely unacceptable. My family felt his actions greatly

1178
00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:42,560
Speaker 4: damage their relationship with John. I felt his actions damage

1179
00:53:42,560 --> 00:53:45,040
Speaker 4: the relationship my parents had worked hard to build with

1180
00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:48,080
Speaker 4: his family. My parents reassured me that they still supported

1181
00:53:48,080 --> 00:53:50,960
Speaker 4: my husband, but confirmed that they wanted to limit interactions

1182
00:53:50,960 --> 00:53:53,960
Speaker 4: with John and Jane, as respect and basic manners were

1183
00:53:53,960 --> 00:53:57,000
Speaker 4: evidently optional for them. I cried to the rehearsal dinner

1184
00:53:57,040 --> 00:53:59,759
Speaker 4: and explaining that his brother was hurting our relationships. One

1185
00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:03,240
Speaker 4: of my my relatives flew thirteen hours to attend our wedding.

1186
00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:06,360
Speaker 4: I could not believe the wedding was slowly becoming about

1187
00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:09,680
Speaker 4: them rather than us. My family ended up leaving early

1188
00:54:09,800 --> 00:54:12,320
Speaker 4: because they did not want to stay longer. After crying

1189
00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:14,560
Speaker 4: in front of my husband's friends and family, I left

1190
00:54:14,600 --> 00:54:15,600
Speaker 4: without saying goodbye.

1191
00:54:15,719 --> 00:54:20,400
Speaker 2: Honestly, though, your family is also like responsible in just

1192
00:54:20,520 --> 00:54:22,960
Speaker 2: like not being able to like suck it up for

1193
00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:28,239
Speaker 2: a single event, just like, yeah, whatever, you don't like them,

1194
00:54:28,680 --> 00:54:31,400
Speaker 2: that's fine, play nice, It's my wedding.

1195
00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:34,879
Speaker 4: On the wedding day, while getting ready, John was remorseful

1196
00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:37,160
Speaker 4: and apologized to me and my parents. Jane did not

1197
00:54:37,360 --> 00:54:40,080
Speaker 4: reach out or acknowledge what happened. My husband and the

1198
00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:43,040
Speaker 4: wedding party finished set up with the coordinator, including John.

1199
00:54:43,200 --> 00:54:46,320
Speaker 4: During the wedding, Jane did not attend the five hour ceremony,

1200
00:54:46,320 --> 00:54:49,160
Speaker 4: but arrived fifteen minutes before closing. Everyone in the wedding

1201
00:54:49,239 --> 00:54:53,520
Speaker 4: party was displeased and disappointed, including close families and relatives.

1202
00:54:53,800 --> 00:54:56,560
Speaker 4: I was upset and angry and walked away from them.

1203
00:54:56,960 --> 00:54:59,800
Speaker 4: I could not believe it. Despite all this, my husband

1204
00:54:59,840 --> 00:55:02,160
Speaker 4: and I had a great time Before the after party,

1205
00:55:02,200 --> 00:55:04,239
Speaker 4: my husband spoke to his brother asking if he was

1206
00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:06,360
Speaker 4: ready to deal with this for the rest of his life.

1207
00:55:06,680 --> 00:55:09,239
Speaker 4: Many people said John was with the wrong girl, but

1208
00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:11,279
Speaker 4: we did not tell him that. We agreed that we

1209
00:55:11,360 --> 00:55:14,160
Speaker 4: needed an apology from Jane. It became clear that John

1210
00:55:14,200 --> 00:55:16,839
Speaker 4: struggled with her behavior and the issues stemmed from him

1211
00:55:16,880 --> 00:55:21,120
Speaker 4: trying to get Jane more involved. Things worsened after their engagement.

1212
00:55:21,320 --> 00:55:23,840
Speaker 4: On the wedding night, we didn't spend time together. My

1213
00:55:24,040 --> 00:55:28,480
Speaker 4: husband dealt with another sibling's PTSD moments caused by excessive booze.

1214
00:55:28,920 --> 00:55:31,000
Speaker 4: My best friend and I stayed with his daughter and

1215
00:55:31,080 --> 00:55:33,719
Speaker 4: went to bed around three am. After returning home, we

1216
00:55:33,920 --> 00:55:38,240
Speaker 4: argued almost immediately. Messages flooded in about how unhappy people

1217
00:55:38,239 --> 00:55:41,439
Speaker 4: were with John. We couldn't get a break. My father

1218
00:55:41,480 --> 00:55:44,560
Speaker 4: in law posted multiple photos, all featuring John and Jane.

1219
00:55:44,960 --> 00:55:48,239
Speaker 4: My family was furious and said our presence was practically

1220
00:55:48,280 --> 00:55:51,200
Speaker 4: non existent to his family. Additionally, my father in law

1221
00:55:51,239 --> 00:55:54,880
Speaker 4: posted John's birthday using our wedding video. It featured John

1222
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:58,560
Speaker 4: and Jane dancing during the last fifteen minutes. This fueled

1223
00:55:58,680 --> 00:56:02,239
Speaker 4: further issues. Us were asked if they understood basic etiquette

1224
00:56:02,280 --> 00:56:05,680
Speaker 4: given the misunderstandings that John and Jane caused. During a

1225
00:56:05,760 --> 00:56:07,959
Speaker 4: milestone in our lives. We spoke to my maid of honor,

1226
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:10,719
Speaker 4: who said she sat with her boyfriend, groomsman, and the

1227
00:56:10,760 --> 00:56:13,959
Speaker 4: other best man. They discussed making John and Jane leave

1228
00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:17,600
Speaker 4: the after party because of their disrespect. Jane's behavior caused

1229
00:56:17,600 --> 00:56:20,560
Speaker 4: waves of problems among friends and family, and the wedding

1230
00:56:20,680 --> 00:56:23,680
Speaker 4: cost us most of our savings. My parents requested a

1231
00:56:23,719 --> 00:56:26,879
Speaker 4: dinner with us the following weekend. My husband apologized again

1232
00:56:26,960 --> 00:56:29,680
Speaker 4: on behalf of John and promised to assess the situation.

1233
00:56:29,920 --> 00:56:32,480
Speaker 4: My parents expressed their love and support for us and

1234
00:56:32,560 --> 00:56:35,600
Speaker 4: wished the best for John. They requested my father in

1235
00:56:35,640 --> 00:56:38,560
Speaker 4: law removed photos of John from our wedding since Jane

1236
00:56:38,600 --> 00:56:42,120
Speaker 4: had not apologized. My husband agreed. The next day, my

1237
00:56:42,160 --> 00:56:45,400
Speaker 4: father in law reluctantly removed the photos in John's birthday

1238
00:56:45,440 --> 00:56:48,040
Speaker 4: message using our wedding background. We visited my in laws

1239
00:56:48,080 --> 00:56:52,000
Speaker 4: to acknowledge their celebration while explaining that wedding misunderstandings caused

1240
00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:54,919
Speaker 4: further issues. I told them John is forty and Jane

1241
00:56:55,000 --> 00:56:58,680
Speaker 4: is thirty. Both no adult responsibilities. Their actions did not

1242
00:56:58,760 --> 00:57:01,480
Speaker 4: represent our families during the wedding. We have not heard

1243
00:57:01,480 --> 00:57:04,399
Speaker 4: from Jane and for now we want time alone. We're

1244
00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:06,759
Speaker 4: giving her until the end of November to reach out.

1245
00:57:06,880 --> 00:57:09,120
Speaker 4: After that, as long as they remain together, I do

1246
00:57:09,280 --> 00:57:12,040
Speaker 4: not want a relationship with Jane. We are doing well now,

1247
00:57:12,120 --> 00:57:15,160
Speaker 4: looking up polaroids until our professional photos arrive, and hanging

1248
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:17,320
Speaker 4: out with friends. We agreed to focus on ourselves and

1249
00:57:17,360 --> 00:57:19,960
Speaker 4: start planning our honeymoon. As of now, we have not

1250
00:57:20,080 --> 00:57:22,600
Speaker 4: heard from either of them, and I honestly don't care.

1251
00:57:22,760 --> 00:57:25,280
Speaker 4: I just wanted to share this somewhere. I know my

1252
00:57:25,360 --> 00:57:27,960
Speaker 4: drama is small compared to others, but it was stressful.

1253
00:57:28,320 --> 00:57:30,560
Speaker 4: I feel for people who have gone through worse. If

1254
00:57:30,600 --> 00:57:32,640
Speaker 4: you made it to me, and thank you for reading.

1255
00:57:32,800 --> 00:57:36,040
Speaker 4: You're so welcome and happy holidays everyone. And there are

1256
00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:39,320
Speaker 4: some comments coming. Number one says you and your husband

1257
00:57:39,320 --> 00:57:41,600
Speaker 4: made a huge mistake by putting any trust in your

1258
00:57:41,600 --> 00:57:44,400
Speaker 4: brother and sister in law. You knew they were unreliable,

1259
00:57:44,520 --> 00:57:47,280
Speaker 4: they proved it with the engagement party, and you still

1260
00:57:47,360 --> 00:57:51,160
Speaker 4: assigned major responsibilities to them for the wedding. That's silly, oh,

1261
00:57:51,200 --> 00:57:53,200
Speaker 4: we said, I honestly told my husband that I didn't

1262
00:57:53,200 --> 00:57:55,360
Speaker 4: want his brother to have major tasks, and I did

1263
00:57:55,400 --> 00:57:57,960
Speaker 4: a lot of I told you sos during her arguments.

1264
00:57:58,040 --> 00:58:01,240
Speaker 4: We did a lot of blame games between us, and

1265
00:58:01,280 --> 00:58:03,320
Speaker 4: I realized I didn't want to fight among us when

1266
00:58:03,360 --> 00:58:06,600
Speaker 4: we knew the issue. My husband had trouble setting boundaries,

1267
00:58:06,600 --> 00:58:08,760
Speaker 4: and this was a major lesson learned from him. Now

1268
00:58:08,800 --> 00:58:11,960
Speaker 4: he is voicing his boundaries with his family. I told him,

1269
00:58:12,040 --> 00:58:14,440
Speaker 4: no more trusting people when they have patterns like this.

1270
00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:17,160
Speaker 4: He is learning it now. He always tried to give

1271
00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:20,600
Speaker 4: people chances to be better, and he realized weddings wasn't

1272
00:58:20,640 --> 00:58:22,840
Speaker 4: one of those times. That's the end of that's strength.

1273
00:58:22,880 --> 00:58:25,240
Speaker 2: It's true the wedding, you gotta be locked in, fully

1274
00:58:25,440 --> 00:58:28,040
Speaker 2: locked in the reliability for the wedding.

1275
00:58:28,160 --> 00:58:31,200
Speaker 4: Yeah. Absolutely, if Jane really is the issue, Like at

1276
00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:33,480
Speaker 4: first it kind of seemed like it was John and Jane,

1277
00:58:33,600 --> 00:58:36,240
Speaker 4: but then it was like, oh, well, Jane's causing problems

1278
00:58:36,280 --> 00:58:39,000
Speaker 4: in the relationship. It's all her fault. It's like, is

1279
00:58:39,040 --> 00:58:40,680
Speaker 4: it really or is it just drawn?

1280
00:58:40,880 --> 00:58:42,080
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know.