Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and
Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together
Speaker 1: called defect or Defector, and we're gonna have a new
Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, This very podcast which has
Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now at available
Speaker 1: every rusticate your podcast at such a Spotify, Apple Go
Speaker 1: listen right now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now.
Speaker 1: Go listen to see I buy. If I could do
Speaker 1: it all over again and I had the ability, I
Speaker 1: will put you in a box and just keep you
Speaker 1: on the side so I could do my thing and
Speaker 1: then come back and get you at the box. Leader Gee,
Speaker 1: thanks too, as dead ass and being honest, Well, if
Speaker 1: I could do it all over again, I wouldn't have
Speaker 1: rushed into a relationship with you. I took my time,
Speaker 1: played the field and all that, so you gave up
Speaker 1: the box. Possibly that ASDA broke out the box, dead ass. Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm Cade and we're the ellis Is. You may know
Speaker 1: us from posting fundy videos with our boys and reading
Speaker 1: each other publicly as a form of therapy. I'm making
Speaker 1: me derby most days. And one more important thing to
Speaker 1: mention we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We created this
Speaker 1: podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics,
Speaker 1: things most folks don't want to talk about through the
Speaker 1: lens of a millennium married couple. Dead ass is a
Speaker 1: term that we say every day. Where we say dead ass,
Speaker 1: we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and
Speaker 1: nothing but the truth. We're about to take pillow talk
Speaker 1: to a whole new level. Dead Ask starts now. Two
Speaker 1: thousand and seven. Codein and I spend the first Christmas
Speaker 1: and Thanksgiving together as a couple living in our own
Speaker 1: space in Michigan. This is my second year in the NFL,
Speaker 1: our first holiday outside of school. She had graduated from
Speaker 1: Hostra's master's program, and Codeine pretty much gives me, not
Speaker 1: an ultimatum, but she let me know she was not
Speaker 1: into shacking up. That I had to make a decision.
Speaker 1: I pretty much had to shipt or get off the pot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was a extended situation that I feel like we
Speaker 1: were in. And you know, when you reach a certain age,
Speaker 1: there's this natural succession of life that you feel like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I've reached this achievement and I've reached this achievement almost
Speaker 1: like school, you know, you go from nursery to kindergarten
Speaker 1: for a second third, you know, junior high high school.
Speaker 1: In life, I at least saw it as we've been dating.
Speaker 1: We're dating seriously, and for me, an engagement seemed like
Speaker 1: the natural progression if we've been together for seven years.
Speaker 1: But you didn't quite see it that way. Now. I
Speaker 1: just finished my second year in the NFL. I'm coming
Speaker 1: off knee surgery. I didn't play my second year. My
Speaker 1: focus was on getting back to doing what I do
Speaker 1: to make money. You give me this ultimatum, pretty much
Speaker 1: told me you would be going back to New York
Speaker 1: if I didn't make some decisions. So buy a house
Speaker 1: in Michigan. I propose the summer two eight. Spring it
Speaker 1: was spring. Excuse me, Spring two. I get cut. Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: In two thousand and eight, the recession hits August two eight.
Speaker 1: We lose of all of the money in the stock market.
Speaker 1: We lose over a hundred thousand dollars and the properties
Speaker 1: that I bought. We moved back to Brooklyn with nothing,
Speaker 1: and you say to me, I'm ready to plan this wedding.
Speaker 1: At that point, we had nothing else but I had you.
Speaker 1: But we planned a wedding. We get married three d
Speaker 1: and seven and the five people mm hmm. We moved
Speaker 1: back into this apartment and we're just looking at each
Speaker 1: other like, what did we just do? It was all
Speaker 1: a dream. I used to read Bird Up magazine, so
Speaker 1: on Pepper and Heavy deal in a limousine, hanging pictures
Speaker 1: on my wall every Saturday. Remain Yes, you know very
Speaker 1: well who we are. Listen, listen't about to get me
Speaker 1: into spread love. It's the Brooklyn way. That's my joint
Speaker 1: fread love is the Brooklyn that record deal, Papa. I
Speaker 1: know you over here singing. Yeah, I know how I am.
Speaker 1: I singing. I make a song up for everything you do.
Speaker 1: That's how I keep Kate's working and the next and whatnot.
Speaker 1: You know, let's get to the nitty gritty. What's the
Speaker 1: nitty griddy? We have five facts about each other that
Speaker 1: we weren't allowed to let each other see. So do
Speaker 1: not look at my paper, all right, do not look
Speaker 1: at my papers. I'm shifting my laptop as we speak.
Speaker 1: I hope, I hope you're not trying to read me,
Speaker 1: because that's the whole nother I'm not going to read you.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna read younna be honest. Right, So we
Speaker 1: gave we both gave one fact early on. You know,
Speaker 1: I played in the NFL, right, gave our little backstory
Speaker 1: and whatnot. And I'm trying I was trying to think
Speaker 1: of things that people wouldn't guess. I guess based off
Speaker 1: of like social media, because let's basically, people know us
Speaker 1: from social media, YouTube, blogs, and though that shows a
Speaker 1: lot of our life, um, it's scripted, like we put
Speaker 1: out there what I want. We want, we want you
Speaker 1: all to see, you know. So now, yeah, and it's
Speaker 1: also therapy for us. So we get an opportunity to
Speaker 1: be real with each other right in front of your
Speaker 1: so you can see how we flesh out some of
Speaker 1: our how we discuss and debate. Yes, so I'll let
Speaker 1: you go first. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that beauty.
Speaker 1: All right. So fact number two about Devo, I'll choose
Speaker 1: your favorite number. Yes, umber two. Devo is a legitimate artist,
Speaker 1: like he can paint. He actually painted what was it
Speaker 1: a cheetah or a jack? And I had no idea.
Speaker 1: I thought it was something like you bought from the
Speaker 1: store or something. It was that good. So all the
Speaker 1: kids projects from here on they had anything to do
Speaker 1: with drawing my alley. But it just makes sense about
Speaker 1: you always having been a creative. You know, you played
Speaker 1: football in the NFL, you run businesses, You're great at
Speaker 1: establishing them, You're great at kind of overseeing that stuff.
Speaker 1: That's cool, But I noticed that you're never really fulfilled
Speaker 1: unless you really submerge yourself into the craft. So I
Speaker 1: got to create. I feel like, I like, I have
Speaker 1: a lot of things going on in my mind, and
Speaker 1: when I see something I can inspire by, I either
Speaker 1: want to sketch it, I want to draw it, I
Speaker 1: want to make a video, I want to write about it.
Speaker 1: And like you said, I've never been fulfilled if I
Speaker 1: wasn't creating. And that's the thing that killed me about
Speaker 1: the NFL was the structure. Was that you only had
Speaker 1: time to do this. You had to go to practice
Speaker 1: these days. And I don't like structure, Like most creative
Speaker 1: people don't like structure. We like to color outside the lines.
Speaker 1: So creating, drawing and painting allows me to do that.
Speaker 1: Do you take the same approach with me in the gym,
Speaker 1: Like when you're trying to like, you know, show me
Speaker 1: workouts to sculpt my body. Absolutely well, you know you're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you need a little more on hip. Stop me give
Speaker 1: you this exercise I do artist and whatnot? Yes, that
Speaker 1: well that technically that's not your body, that's my body.
Speaker 1: I have the most fun with it, all right, so
Speaker 1: I want to enjoy it, so I sculpt it. I
Speaker 1: am not your possession. Don't even go there. See why
Speaker 1: you gotta take it there? Women always got to take
Speaker 1: it there. We know you empowered. I wasn't. I was
Speaker 1: just letting you know that I love you girl. There.
Speaker 1: I can't let you know I love you, girl. Just
Speaker 1: let's just speak. It's so stupid, but no, it makes
Speaker 1: sense because even watching you with like a recent business
Speaker 1: that you have and you having to be responsible for
Speaker 1: email chains and you know, the chain of commands. If
Speaker 1: I was like going crazy every day having to deal
Speaker 1: with that structure. So you know that that should be
Speaker 1: like an artist all the way that it makes me
Speaker 1: want to You can't quit your own business, though, so
Speaker 1: I can't. That's why I didn't quit. But it's like
Speaker 1: once once you have someone who's telling me you have
Speaker 1: to be somewhere at a certain time or do it
Speaker 1: this way. I don't want to do it almore. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't. I want to do it my way. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: That's just the way I am. Yeah. That's why we
Speaker 1: work well because You're all about structure and alignment and
Speaker 1: purpose and I'm all about creating. So it's kind of
Speaker 1: like the contract. We feed off of each other because
Speaker 1: sometimes you need you a little structure whenever you're ready,
Speaker 1: nere need structure. Yeah, but I need to I need
Speaker 1: to bring that that. I need to take a picture
Speaker 1: and post it one day. And my stories of the
Speaker 1: cheetah that devoted painted like legit painted, guys, Yes, no
Speaker 1: paint by numbers. Painted it myself. I sketched it first
Speaker 1: and then I painted. That's crazy. So when Jackson has
Speaker 1: this projects now, I'm like, don't even look this way.
Speaker 1: I won't I do the writing assignments. Let's get into
Speaker 1: your second fact, don't you because you looking at me
Speaker 1: with that phase. Okay, let I'm an artist, Codeine is
Speaker 1: as well. Codeine excels in the art of procrastination. Shut out. Yea,
Speaker 1: this is a huge fact that I think people need
Speaker 1: to know. All Right, we talked about it. I'm a creator.
Speaker 1: I am not organized. I am not organized at all.
Speaker 1: I have my faults, but Codeine is very organized. She
Speaker 1: just don't like to do ship. That is not true.
Speaker 1: I just get it done in your time, yes, because
Speaker 1: then it becomes my best work when I do it
Speaker 1: in my time. You know what you're You're great at
Speaker 1: creating excuses as to why stuff don't got to be
Speaker 1: done when it needs to be done, but respected respect
Speaker 1: of it gets done when it's supposed to get You're
Speaker 1: like Michaelangelo procrastination, and at that point it becomes perfection. No,
Speaker 1: but honestly, you're right. You're right guys, that I am
Speaker 1: a procrastinator. I am, and I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1: I think it's like in my mind there's this pursuit
Speaker 1: of the perfect time, or like the perfect thing, and
Speaker 1: if I could never reach that perfection, I feel like
Speaker 1: I gotta wait and then life just casses me by.
Speaker 1: So it really helps to have somebody like him that
Speaker 1: is so focused and driven on light the task at
Speaker 1: hand needs to be completed right now. And as much
Speaker 1: as it drives me nuts, sometimes I need it. I
Speaker 1: need it. You're watching, You're watching the art, the artist
Speaker 1: in the mastery telling you. Unless you break this down
Speaker 1: for you. And I'm an actress to so because you
Speaker 1: know how you go into a job interview and it
Speaker 1: was just like, you know, tell us one fault about
Speaker 1: yourself that you would you know, that's one fault. And
Speaker 1: what they say weakness, what's your one weakness? This is
Speaker 1: good needs one weakness. I'm a perfectionist. I have things
Speaker 1: you have to be perfect, so it takes me a lot.
Speaker 1: That's what she just did just now. She said that
Speaker 1: she procrastinates because if it's not done perfectly, she gotta
Speaker 1: wait to tomorrow to do it, or sometimes I don't
Speaker 1: feel like doing that ship right then and there. All right,
Speaker 1: I'll give you up perfect example, your artist. You're the
Speaker 1: Michelangelo of artist. Tree of procrastination. The Sistine Chapel is
Speaker 1: in our living room. That Christmas tree, the Christmas four parts,
Speaker 1: and like one four of the tree is off, the
Speaker 1: ornaments down. I don't even talk about the to the
Speaker 1: to the third fact please because I'm starting to get
Speaker 1: upset things about the Christmas tree. Well, it's funny that
Speaker 1: that one segues into one of mine. My third fact
Speaker 1: for the val de Vo thinks that arguing is a
Speaker 1: sport and he always thinks he's right, and he is
Speaker 1: probably the most exhausting person to debate or argue with.
Speaker 1: I'm taking back, like the competitive nature in you takes
Speaker 1: up discussions as something you have to win, and you're
Speaker 1: not always right. And that's the thing that drives me nuts,
Speaker 1: is because you're not always right. Bro, I'm taking back.
Speaker 1: You said I think I'm always right. You know, I know,
Speaker 1: I know I'm always right. He does, and and the
Speaker 1: thing is so frustrated and arguing with you is not
Speaker 1: about it's just waiting for you to realize that I'm right.
Speaker 1: That's what's wrong with the people don't argue with They
Speaker 1: don't know that which is so funny and it's so
Speaker 1: opposite of what people see on social media, because you're
Speaker 1: just like, I need me a devil in my life.
Speaker 1: I need a man who understands the X, Y, Z
Speaker 1: and Z and No, this dude over here tell me
Speaker 1: somebody who argue when they know they're wrong. Nobody argue
Speaker 1: when they know they're wrong. That's not the point. People.
Speaker 1: You need to be open to seeing other people's visions
Speaker 1: and other people's reasons. You need to be understanding of
Speaker 1: their explanations. As to how they arrived at their decision
Speaker 1: or how they arrived at the path they took. You
Speaker 1: don't be trying to hear that you're doing. You breathe
Speaker 1: over that. They got to make sense though in your
Speaker 1: minds you can't, beautiful mind. You have to be able
Speaker 1: to articulate those thoughts. Yeah, all right. So for everybody
Speaker 1: that is like, I want me a devil in condine,
Speaker 1: what prayer did you say to find you? And you
Speaker 1: don't even know? Just know when it comes with at easy,
Speaker 1: every day absolutely every day facts. B. I just realized
Speaker 1: how to do that in an emoji sidebar. You put
Speaker 1: the fax machine and then the B. So this is
Speaker 1: the person I'll be arguing with this and now you
Speaker 1: see why while arguing to my dolop and I was like, yo,
Speaker 1: I put the one hundred, like yo, one hundred, that's
Speaker 1: another like phrase for a hundred, Like I got you, bro,
Speaker 1: And then he put the fax machine. And to be
Speaker 1: like an actual I was like up in the private house,
Speaker 1: you know certain things, certain things private house don't don't
Speaker 1: do it. Let me go, let me go to my
Speaker 1: third factor for codein and a lot of people don't
Speaker 1: know this. Oh God, Codeine's discipline comes from the fact
Speaker 1: that she's a classically trained dancer and penis right, So yes,
Speaker 1: I did. What people don't know is that Codeine is
Speaker 1: very detail oriented. So when I say things like she's
Speaker 1: a perfectionist or or like she know she graduated magnicolon lauda.
Speaker 1: She was valedictorian of her junior high school. And you
Speaker 1: were salutatorian in high school. What was it in high school? No,
Speaker 1: high school And there was mad people up high school,
Speaker 1: and I say what you want to say, it was
Speaker 1: mad smart people. The auditorian's overall a g p A
Speaker 1: was like a hundred point eight. Like how does that
Speaker 1: even happen? I have no clue. Hey, this is what
Speaker 1: it is. Very smart. But um, yeah, you you were
Speaker 1: very detail oriented. You do everything with purpose. Um. Today
Speaker 1: is a perfect example. Like you put your makeup on
Speaker 1: and your wig to do a podcast. Can't nobody see
Speaker 1: what you wear it, but they can hear how beautiful
Speaker 1: you are. If I feel good and I look good,
Speaker 1: I'm going to sound good. And I wanted to sound
Speaker 1: out there like this is some of y'all's first time
Speaker 1: hearing me. So I want to make sure that y'all
Speaker 1: can understand how I feel. And and and also I
Speaker 1: need John to understand how I feel because she's classically
Speaker 1: trained as a dancer. She she turns and she points
Speaker 1: on like one ft all the time. So left foot,
Speaker 1: it is fucked up. I got. I'm just being honest
Speaker 1: with the people. I gotta deal with that. Left foot
Speaker 1: is on my left foot, guy. The bottom part about bed,
Speaker 1: she's shoving my right my right leg, my right leg
Speaker 1: right now. I seem like somebody was kicking me in
Speaker 1: my sleep. That just be heard what she cut along.
Speaker 1: Now you're gonna have people zooming into my feet like
Speaker 1: on my finches and stuff. Make sure I filter my
Speaker 1: foot from now on. It don't matter who. I love it.
Speaker 1: I love it. I still looked them tolds. Baby. You
Speaker 1: know I'm a nasty motherfucker. I would stay far away
Speaker 1: from it. Left kind of bad guys. Fact number four
Speaker 1: about the bell, this is like becoming a roast? Is
Speaker 1: this anywhere in the breakdown that ya like Devot's on
Speaker 1: roast kidding today? So this one, I don't know when
Speaker 1: I thought of it. I really thought of it. I
Speaker 1: I tried to try to find facts that people based
Speaker 1: off of social media and and and vlogs and everything
Speaker 1: would not guess about Devo. And this kind of made
Speaker 1: me a little emotional when I thought about it. Um,
Speaker 1: devots relentlessness is a direct result of him feeling like
Speaker 1: he's never been anyone's favorite. Oh damn, you're just gonna
Speaker 1: go right in too, my childhood. Childhood episode one wounds
Speaker 1: my mother already, Like you shut up. True, I have
Speaker 1: a very good relationship with shout out to, but no, like,
Speaker 1: this is something that we've spoken about and I feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, in future episodes we can dive into it
Speaker 1: a little bit deeper. But it's the truth, though, it's
Speaker 1: the truth. I remember you saying that you've you've always
Speaker 1: felt like you were never good enough or you never
Speaker 1: a favorite, never the favorite child, never the favorite on
Speaker 1: the football team, never the you know know what's funny though,
Speaker 1: and honest, having kids now I understand why I felt
Speaker 1: that we're growing up. We're both the oldest. So when
Speaker 1: you're the oldest child, there's no blueprint for how to
Speaker 1: do things. So I was the first, and then my
Speaker 1: brother came three years later, and then my sister ten
Speaker 1: years later. So seven seven years later from my brother
Speaker 1: so ten years from me, but I feel like with
Speaker 1: my parents they were trying to figure it out with me.
Speaker 1: And on top of that, when you're the oldest, there's
Speaker 1: a greater pressure to do well because the younger ones
Speaker 1: are watching. And I find myself doing that to Jackson,
Speaker 1: and it's tough because I want to parent him as
Speaker 1: best as I can, and sometimes I feel like, damn,
Speaker 1: I'm turning into my parents. But I understand it now,
Speaker 1: But throughout life before I had kids, I didn't get it, Like,
Speaker 1: you know, they couldn't. They couldn't show any favor towards
Speaker 1: me because I was the oldest. I did things first,
Speaker 1: and then my brother comes along and we're the same sex,
Speaker 1: so it's like you don't want him to have to
Speaker 1: live up to his brother, so you kind of find
Speaker 1: his his attributes that you can highlight. And then to me,
Speaker 1: I took it as you were just you know, forgetting
Speaker 1: about my attributes. But I think also too um in
Speaker 1: your parents defense, that they knew you were going to
Speaker 1: be good. Like as a parent, you know when your
Speaker 1: child has something, when they have like an X factor,
Speaker 1: like something just this, there's a light in them that
Speaker 1: just can't be damned, and you just know that this
Speaker 1: child is going to do X y Z and to
Speaker 1: try to as a lot though she used to try
Speaker 1: to fresh and you used to talk back the damn.
Speaker 1: You just turn into Jackson's mom in here fresh you were,
Speaker 1: I wasn't fresh that very opinionated. Yes I've heard that
Speaker 1: before too. Yes my mother told you that. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I know, I deal with you now. She handed
Speaker 1: you off to me like proudly. She was like here,
Speaker 1: She's like here here he's yours now. Yeah, good luck,
Speaker 1: She's like, good luck. Me and Ma we share many
Speaker 1: of like side eyes together, codes and whatnot. Got a
Speaker 1: number one ladies in my life. Kane kane until my daughter,
Speaker 1: but not excuse kicking you don't try to slide it in.
Speaker 1: You slide nothing. Now shut up. I slide it in again,
Speaker 1: not even and again my daughter is here noting for it.
Speaker 1: You know about the last time that was one pump
Speaker 1: too many. So we ain't going to through that again.
Speaker 1: Fool me twice, shame on me the same. You don't
Speaker 1: even know the same, sounding like bush, sounding like bush,
Speaker 1: sounding terrible, just stopping you can't get food again. Topic,
Speaker 1: But you know it's funny though you know what I
Speaker 1: heard a lot growing up my dad. You know, you
Speaker 1: know what broke your attitude stinks and I always felt
Speaker 1: like I had to like go more and more. But
Speaker 1: I mean you you you suffered with a similar thing. Though. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just funky when you're ready? Is she talking about something?
Speaker 1: I thought this wasn't a roast, no many therapy session.
Speaker 1: But I just want you to you're my favorite, babe,
Speaker 1: just so you know that. I know you may not
Speaker 1: feel like that every day, but you really, I'm definitely
Speaker 1: not your favorite. Definitely not your favorite. I have other
Speaker 1: husbands that you could your favorite anyway. Well, I mean,
Speaker 1: we live in the house with you three other husbands,
Speaker 1: and I know I don't come before kyro Jackson and Cass.
Speaker 1: I know that the I know that right now, which
Speaker 1: is why you feel like you want a daughter so
Speaker 1: you can have you know, I need my own teammate.
Speaker 1: But this takes me to my fourth fact about Codeine,
Speaker 1: And it's funny how we've lived together so long. I see,
Speaker 1: I feel like our facts are almost going in unison.
Speaker 1: But Codein never thinks she's good enough, and I think
Speaker 1: that comes from my third fact, because you were a
Speaker 1: pageant girl, and because you did classically training dance and
Speaker 1: classically geo classically trained pianists, that you always trying to
Speaker 1: be perfect at everything, that no matter how great you
Speaker 1: are at something, you just feel like it's not good enough.
Speaker 1: You get down on yourself. I think that that's part
Speaker 1: of the reason why you procrastinate. Plus, your mom is
Speaker 1: hard on you, bro, Like, your mom is very very
Speaker 1: hard on you. And I think it's another oldest thing.
Speaker 1: My mom, the oldest of six, born and raised in Jamaica,
Speaker 1: you know, was trying to find our way to America.
Speaker 1: It's for a better life and you know, be able
Speaker 1: to send money back home to her family. And yeah,
Speaker 1: my mom was always very very adamant about me being
Speaker 1: able to stand on my own two feet and be
Speaker 1: able to provide for myself and take care of myself
Speaker 1: and be independent. And I mean, hey, it's the pressure
Speaker 1: that was put on me. This made me the woman
Speaker 1: I am today. So I have no regrets and I
Speaker 1: love my mother for that. Um and my dad of
Speaker 1: course has been around two but Dad is not as
Speaker 1: like you know mom. Dad's kind of like, yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: live and be free. Mom more so, you know, she
Speaker 1: she had her foot in my neck like from early
Speaker 1: early so and that. Like you said, I think it's
Speaker 1: the oldest thing. But I also think it's being a
Speaker 1: woman and her wanting you to be a strong woman.
Speaker 1: Absolutely absolutely. I mean you think about where women have
Speaker 1: been where we're going right now, especially like being a
Speaker 1: woman right now and a black woman at that. Speaking
Speaker 1: of which, this is a question that people always ask
Speaker 1: that I don't think they know about you, is that
Speaker 1: Codeine suffers from anxiety, especially when she has to perform.
Speaker 1: That's in part because she thinks she's never good enough.
Speaker 1: But it's it's funny because you can, you can function
Speaker 1: while having anxiety. For example, on the way over here,
Speaker 1: Coudin was, damn, they're having a panic attack. And we
Speaker 1: talked about it and we we got it out, you know,
Speaker 1: when she was able to speak on it. And the
Speaker 1: thing is we've learned that we speak through things. If
Speaker 1: she's going through something and or I'm going through something,
Speaker 1: we got to talk to each others with us, there's
Speaker 1: no putting things off like we got to deal with it.
Speaker 1: And the thing is, so many women, so many women
Speaker 1: asked me like what did Coldein do to get you
Speaker 1: or how what does codein do in your relationship to
Speaker 1: you know, make it work? That she's so strong, And
Speaker 1: I think what you do the most is that you're
Speaker 1: vulnerable through your strength, Like you're able to you know,
Speaker 1: you're about to cry and we're on the train and
Speaker 1: you're just like maybe I'm having anxiety. Like I think
Speaker 1: that's the strength and being vulnerable and you know, and
Speaker 1: being able to tell me like I don't think I'm
Speaker 1: going to be good, you know what I'm saying, being
Speaker 1: been with that. I think that's a strength that you have,
Speaker 1: you know, as a woman, which is not hard, not easy,
Speaker 1: because women always have to be so strong because if
Speaker 1: you show any weakness, then it's like she's emotional, she's hormonal.
Speaker 1: Yeah's passionate. Yeah I am passionate. So it's like the
Speaker 1: weakness I've showing that vulnerability. I think it's strong. Oh thanks,
Speaker 1: that's fun. One devoce fit fact, which I think is
Speaker 1: just it's just a funny, random thing. It's devout when
Speaker 1: I when I make his plate of food, because I
Speaker 1: do make his plate of food. Here you go already
Speaker 1: know when you're going Devo has to eat all his
Speaker 1: food separately. So DeVos plate is literally like veggies are
Speaker 1: off to the side, starches off to the side, proteins
Speaker 1: off for the side, and they can't touch. He's neurotic
Speaker 1: and crazy like that. It's not what neurotic. And foods
Speaker 1: have their own taste. Why I gotta put them on them?
Speaker 1: Why don't you just put it in the big pot
Speaker 1: stirred all. I want to taste my vegetables and my meat,
Speaker 1: pause and my my starts. But sometimes the like meaning
Speaker 1: like what's on the fork needs the meat with the
Speaker 1: vegetable and the starch, you know what I mean? Like
Speaker 1: the perfect edge of that taste is everything. I just
Speaker 1: feel like you're missing out on that in life, bro,
Speaker 1: if you want to eat all your stuff separately, that
Speaker 1: goes back to you being so detail oriented and picky.
Speaker 1: You gotta give so much pressure to the damn colleg
Speaker 1: greens to make sure they're good on college is better
Speaker 1: be good. If somebody puts some nasty ass collegues in
Speaker 1: my player, I want to be able to say these
Speaker 1: these colleagues nasty. I don't want to put my colleagues
Speaker 1: on my chicken and my rice, and but this is
Speaker 1: my thing, y'all, and we can talk about it right.
Speaker 1: This is what wives do. This is what wives do. Right.
Speaker 1: If I don't do something the way she likes it done,
Speaker 1: then I'm crazy and neurotic. I accept the fact that
Speaker 1: she likes to mix her food up into a jumbo
Speaker 1: and eat it at one time. I embrace ittail gravy
Speaker 1: on the rice, extra gravy. You see what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: With the steam cabbage mixed in. You're not enjoying, aren't there.
Speaker 1: You're not enjoying what the chef put together. But you
Speaker 1: know what she'll do. She'll shame me for being a
Speaker 1: food separator. She'll shame me. First of all. You ever
Speaker 1: go out to eat and watch somebody watch you eat
Speaker 1: your food? You know how annoying that is. I'm sitting
Speaker 1: at my table and it's just quiet, and I'm getting
Speaker 1: ready to eat, and I'll look up and she's looking
Speaker 1: at me with her eyes looking at me. Don't ever
Speaker 1: go to lunch and dinner with me. Guys, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: watch you eat, and if you chew that, it's an
Speaker 1: ultimate wrap. Like I'm going to another table. Stop watching
Speaker 1: people eat. Don't slurp your soup. You have a problem.
Speaker 1: I can't be in the same room when people eating cereal.
Speaker 1: You have a problem. You have a problem, Pet Peeve,
Speaker 1: number four thousand two, You have a problem of mine.
Speaker 1: Just so ya know, Pet Peeves speaking to Pet Peeves. Um,
Speaker 1: this is Cadine's final fact for me. It's a fun one,
Speaker 1: is it? Yes? Okay? Codein is a freak. She doesn't
Speaker 1: like to have sex often. She does not like to
Speaker 1: have sex often because I feel like I have to
Speaker 1: like conserve, conserve all of my energy, my freak for
Speaker 1: that one good time. And I could wait like a
Speaker 1: couple of days. But the way you set up you
Speaker 1: won't let me live. That don't work for me because listen,
Speaker 1: if you're freak right, all that does is make me
Speaker 1: want to freak off more. So, now you don't freak
Speaker 1: me off on Monday. Now it was Tuesday. I wake
Speaker 1: up thinking about the freak of if we have Monday,
Speaker 1: I want to freak go off Tuesday. That's just supposed
Speaker 1: to last, you know, like a good couple. That's not
Speaker 1: how men work though, That's not how men work. Like
Speaker 1: my When once you freaked me off, my I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm looking for it. I'm looking for it, and then
Speaker 1: I have to scale it back a little bit. I
Speaker 1: was gonna scale it ball. Something that's gonna scale it back.
Speaker 1: Let's than what it's already scaled back. Like like I
Speaker 1: need more and anybody got the recipe for me being
Speaker 1: able to freak off two days in the row. Let
Speaker 1: me know, because this has become a big thing in
Speaker 1: our house. This has been a big like you made
Speaker 1: something funny, I said to a text last night because
Speaker 1: we had sex yesterday and I knew when I came home.
Speaker 1: You know, we had sex two days ago, and I
Speaker 1: knew when I came home last night we wasn't gonna
Speaker 1: have sex. So I was sitting there in the house
Speaker 1: and kids all day, and I was preparing for this,
Speaker 1: and you don't have the kids all day. I had
Speaker 1: the kid the first part of the day, and then
Speaker 1: your mother came by the second part of the day.
Speaker 1: See this is how women be lying. They always throw
Speaker 1: this out. They always throw this out as if they're
Speaker 1: the only ones that have the kids, when they're not
Speaker 1: the only I had the kids and the only want me.
Speaker 1: You know how the babies are there, but you weren't
Speaker 1: at the house. You weren't at the house. That was
Speaker 1: only for a couple of hours that I'll stop because
Speaker 1: you didn't get home until at the ten, so don't
Speaker 1: even play yourself. The kids will sleep at nine, so
Speaker 1: you had an old hour to yourself. Get your freak
Speaker 1: level up right. I'll work on that next time. So
Speaker 1: let me tell you what happened. So last night we go,
Speaker 1: we go to bed, and this is what she does
Speaker 1: when she don't want to have sex, right, when she
Speaker 1: don't want to have sex, right, when she passed me
Speaker 1: and something, she makes sure she don't touch my dick
Speaker 1: at all, like she'll slide by it like it'd be
Speaker 1: like I can't touch it. If I touch it, that
Speaker 1: he gonna want to put it on me. So then
Speaker 1: she goes to bed, right, and she turns over and
Speaker 1: go to sleep. I'm like, you know, i ain't even
Speaker 1: gonna argue with her tonight. I'm gonna just send her
Speaker 1: a text my third dream by then. And I didn't
Speaker 1: even know this a long text, like a woman text
Speaker 1: where the texts, so women text, yes, don't do that, yo,
Speaker 1: you do that. You know you know women text longer
Speaker 1: than men, and y'all get mad about it all the time.
Speaker 1: You'll text me a long text and I'll reply with okay,
Speaker 1: and you'll be like going. So I should have replied
Speaker 1: with it okay and kept that same man and even
Speaker 1: reply this morning like you didn't see the text. Honestly didn't.
Speaker 1: I wasn't paying attention to that. I was having anxiety.
Speaker 1: I wasn't even paying attention to that the lot. So
Speaker 1: we didn't have sex last night. So I texted a
Speaker 1: long text explaining how upset I was that we haven't
Speaker 1: had sex two days in row. Better luck tonight and
Speaker 1: better luck. Le's see how we go. Listen, man, we'll
Speaker 1: see how the rest of this discussion goes. Say that
Speaker 1: you see what I'm saying, You see what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: This is what we go through in our house. These
Speaker 1: are the fact, This is the truth. This is what happens.
Speaker 1: This is stuff you don't see. But it's very real,
Speaker 1: very very real. A matter of fact, I might withhold
Speaker 1: it from you because you know, in the mood nor
Speaker 1: More suddenly got a headache for my head hurts, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go over here and recharge, and my head hurt
Speaker 1: in a rechard, I got cramps. Don't even go there
Speaker 1: either with that, because you don't know what that you
Speaker 1: know what it's like to have these kids my bag. Goodbye.
Speaker 1: This for the record, there it is a win for
Speaker 1: the ages. Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring
Speaker 1: sports icons. In his story, it comes with many chapters.
Speaker 1: I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior,
Speaker 1: but here it is the return to glory. This is
Speaker 1: All American, a new series from Stitcher, hosted by me
Speaker 1: Jordan Bell. You realized Tiger Woods doesn't know who he
Speaker 1: is best in the history of Gaul no question in
Speaker 1: my mind. And this season, with the help of journalist
Speaker 1: Albert And we're asking what if the story of Tiger
Speaker 1: Woods that the media has been telling, what if it's
Speaker 1: been completely wrong? All American Tiger is out now listen
Speaker 1: and Stitcher, Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast app. All right,
Speaker 1: now it's time for my favorite part of the show,
Speaker 1: the listener letters. This is the time when you guys
Speaker 1: can write in, you can ask for advice. And I
Speaker 1: like this portion because I can give my perspective, but
Speaker 1: I will not proclaim to be an expert. So if
Speaker 1: it don't go right, don't blame us, don't come looking
Speaker 1: for me in the park a lot. Don't get mad,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm just gonna give you my perspective. Like
Speaker 1: I said, I am not a relationship expert. It's my
Speaker 1: favorite part too, because I'm not another year because I
Speaker 1: like to hear other I want the questions sometimes give
Speaker 1: you insight into what the other people are going through.
Speaker 1: So I get to learn sometimes just by listening to
Speaker 1: what the question is. So this is my favorite part.
Speaker 1: That's nice. But I always put the disclaimer out that
Speaker 1: we are not relationship advice experts because I am still
Speaker 1: every day trying to figure out this man next to
Speaker 1: melt all right, and you're struggling. You're struggling, you know.
Speaker 1: But I got to figure out a difficult person. I
Speaker 1: got to figure out which your fifteen personalities I'm dealing
Speaker 1: with at the time. So depending on that personality, about
Speaker 1: roughly you got fifteen personalities, each one each one comes
Speaker 1: with a different wig. Yes, don't throw shade at my wig, devo.
Speaker 1: And then there are substances to your personalities when you
Speaker 1: have the hat on with the wig, so there are
Speaker 1: layers to your personality. So you have about eight different personalities.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you, I just call it being very
Speaker 1: resourceful because when I have a wig on, guys. Just
Speaker 1: so y'all know if the lace front portion is not
Speaker 1: acting right at that particular time, I went on Amazon
Speaker 1: and I ordered fifteen berets different different color berets I
Speaker 1: have read are just like the whole rainbow. So depending
Speaker 1: on what I'm wearing, Like if I'm wearing a blue
Speaker 1: set of pants, I'll wear the orange beret. Just you know,
Speaker 1: complimentary colors for everybody. Everybody who thinks that it's one
Speaker 1: it's a hat wig combination, it's not. It's not. She
Speaker 1: buys a wig and a hat to go with the wig.
Speaker 1: But I'm able to simultaneously take off the wig and
Speaker 1: the hat in one clean swoop. Yeah. That that right there,
Speaker 1: and I'm able to then think the skill. I can
Speaker 1: think and breathe again after I get the wig off
Speaker 1: my head. Right before we eat crab legs. That's when
Speaker 1: the wig and the hat comes off. Absolutely, I have
Speaker 1: to be comfortable when I eat sidebar. Back to the question.
Speaker 1: Get I'm getting get just thinking about this all right.
Speaker 1: So our first question is when you're significant other looks
Speaker 1: at you, what do you think they see or think
Speaker 1: about you? Man, that's that's a that's a very loaded
Speaker 1: question and there's a lot of different nuances to that
Speaker 1: question because a lot of that depends on how you
Speaker 1: feel in the morning as the person like when I
Speaker 1: wake up in the morning, it depends on what my
Speaker 1: confidence is, okay, And then it also depends on the
Speaker 1: first face you make when you look at me in
Speaker 1: the morning. So yeah, so that's what I like sometimes. Um,
Speaker 1: But for the most part, when I look at you,
Speaker 1: I know that you look at me, you see a protector,
Speaker 1: you see a provider, you see someone that's going to
Speaker 1: make sure that you're okay and taking care of Yes,
Speaker 1: that's for the most part. But then there are days
Speaker 1: where I I know you look at me and you
Speaker 1: give me that little squint side I because you're really
Speaker 1: not sure what you're doing here anymore. Because we have
Speaker 1: our days as a married couple where we're just like, bro,
Speaker 1: this this this really is not working. And the funny
Speaker 1: thing is that I think everyone goes through that. But
Speaker 1: I can tell what what you're thinking sometimes in your
Speaker 1: face or your responses, and you know, I've learned to
Speaker 1: to accept the fact that as I change and as
Speaker 1: you change, you're going to be a lot of days
Speaker 1: like that. But as long as the overarching idea is
Speaker 1: that you know that I'm a provider and I'm a protector,
Speaker 1: and then I love you more than anything else. I
Speaker 1: think that we're good. So all of the little funny
Speaker 1: you know, the funny looks where he's kinda like I
Speaker 1: don't even know if he is anymore. They're gonna come
Speaker 1: and go, but you're always gonna know I'm going to provide,
Speaker 1: protect and I love you. That is very spot on.
Speaker 1: You're trying to get some tonight, right, That's another thing.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm gonna put that thing on you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know when when you look at me, I know
Speaker 1: you're going yeah, something like that. But I have said
Speaker 1: that before. I feel like you you make me feel
Speaker 1: as if your sole purpose in life is to ensure
Speaker 1: that me and the boys are good all the time.
Speaker 1: Like sound mind, we're good financially, you know, we feel
Speaker 1: like we're taken care of. So high five for that
Speaker 1: you're successful in that, and that's my whole purpose right now.
Speaker 1: Asked me the question, so, uh, what do you think
Speaker 1: I see when I look at you? You know, the
Speaker 1: first thing that came to mind when I saw this question.
Speaker 1: It kind of made me a little se I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna gonna lie. Um. I feel like sometimes at least
Speaker 1: now you look at me and you wonder, where is
Speaker 1: that girl that I met and knew when we first met,
Speaker 1: you know, And it has a lot to do It
Speaker 1: has a lot to do with I feel like just
Speaker 1: over the years, with you know, kids and with time
Speaker 1: and with responsibilities, a little bit of that girl has
Speaker 1: gotten lost. Um, And it was just kind of like
Speaker 1: the carefree Kadean who was just happy with had at
Speaker 1: that time. And I'm not I'm not, but I feel
Speaker 1: like sometimes you miss that. No, there's no sometimes I
Speaker 1: do miss that. Like, if you think about it, that's
Speaker 1: how we we met, Like we met each other at
Speaker 1: that moment. That's what makes you fall in love that
Speaker 1: person that you you initially meet. But then it also
Speaker 1: creates in me a little bit of uh inadequacy that
Speaker 1: I feel sometimes, you know, I kind of feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, maybe a little part of you is yearning
Speaker 1: for that person again, that girl who was like, you know,
Speaker 1: the go getter, always going, and you kind of have
Speaker 1: to use that too then say, hey, like remotivate me
Speaker 1: all the time if that makes sense. No, it does
Speaker 1: make sense. But I have a follow up question, You
Speaker 1: don't miss that about me? No, because I feel like
Speaker 1: your your ambition and your your work ethic and your
Speaker 1: drive has always been consistent. It has been consistent, and
Speaker 1: I think that's because too you've had to like you've
Speaker 1: never had the easy way into anything that you've done.
Speaker 1: For example, go into Hastra. They weren't like, oh, this
Speaker 1: guy is a great athlete. We're gonna give him a
Speaker 1: full scholarship. You had to walk on to Hastra approve yourself.
Speaker 1: The same thing happened with the NFL. You weren't, you know,
Speaker 1: a draft pick. You had to go improve yourself. So
Speaker 1: I think you always having to do that and having
Speaker 1: that insane work ethic is something that I admire and
Speaker 1: I'm jealous of. Like I wish I felt like that
Speaker 1: all the time. I get that. So pretty much what
Speaker 1: you're saying is is that you've lost a little bit
Speaker 1: of your spark for in yourself from being that goal getter,
Speaker 1: that nineteen year old that I met. Why do you
Speaker 1: feel like you lost that? I think it's your It's
Speaker 1: just everything compounded on top of each other. It's the years,
Speaker 1: it's the work, it's the bills, it's the kids. It's
Speaker 1: just like, sometimes I struggle with who Codeine is again,
Speaker 1: you know, and I feel like sometimes you look at
Speaker 1: me and you're just like where where is she at?
Speaker 1: Like that girl that I wanted to put in the
Speaker 1: box right right for a rainy day. Well, you know
Speaker 1: what's funny, though, I will admit that watching you as
Speaker 1: a woman grow has been great because I've seen you
Speaker 1: just conquered so many different things. I don't think you
Speaker 1: give yourself enough credit for the things you've done, and
Speaker 1: I think that's in part why you find it hard
Speaker 1: to celebrate who you've become. And I think that's in
Speaker 1: part why we kind of had this back and forth
Speaker 1: and where you're not excited and happy sometimes about who
Speaker 1: you are. But baby, I love who you are. You're growing.
Speaker 1: I do miss that little girl sometimes, but I can't
Speaker 1: say that I'm not in love with the person you
Speaker 1: are now. You know what I'm saying. I'm also in
Speaker 1: love with the person you are now. And he's in
Speaker 1: love with this extra about pounds that I've put on
Speaker 1: since I you know, he sees the mother of his
Speaker 1: sons like I gave you three whole boys, and that
Speaker 1: a little extra babywait has fallen into the right place.
Speaker 1: So you know when my significant you got you got
Speaker 1: to give yourself credit. Alight, all right, give yourself down,
Speaker 1: double up, thank you, thank you. Right, let's go to
Speaker 1: the next question. One question being married, do you feel
Speaker 1: obligated to have sex every time y'all get in bed? Yep,
Speaker 1: but it don't happen. It don't happen. Let me tell you. Okay,
Speaker 1: I feel the obligation, but it just don't happen. I can't.
Speaker 1: I can't like who And that's another thing. Cadine Drive
Speaker 1: at eighteen and nineteen is not here. We are a
Speaker 1: decade and change later. Okay, it's just not And it's
Speaker 1: like you're throwing throw into it all the actors of
Speaker 1: just like not even just the Drive, but it's like
Speaker 1: all the ship that we got going on. Like I
Speaker 1: sometimes that should don't stop me from what I want
Speaker 1: to go to sleep? That do not stop me. Do
Speaker 1: you remember that one time you were like deathly ill?
Speaker 1: Devo had a fever that was like a hundred and
Speaker 1: three point yes, and he was so sick, and all
Speaker 1: I can think to myself that night was like, how
Speaker 1: dona give me a free night? He's not gonna be
Speaker 1: looking at me like okay, so we're gonna get it in.
Speaker 1: And I was so excited until devout and his hot
Speaker 1: asked body, because I remember your body was so hot,
Speaker 1: rolled over everything else in his body was dead except
Speaker 1: for you know what. I was like, there is absolutely
Speaker 1: no way that you want to do this right now.
Speaker 1: Imagine what that would have felt like. Though it's heated,
Speaker 1: it's heated, it feels good, added sensation. I was like,
Speaker 1: a reason why, there's a reason why the Lord makes
Speaker 1: that still work. Literally, I was floored by that. I said,
Speaker 1: there's no way this man on his almost deathbed wants
Speaker 1: to have sex right now, because how is that possible?
Speaker 1: I literally think it has a mind of its own,
Speaker 1: Like it's not having a mind to see what You
Speaker 1: don't understand the power you have. You could have cured me.
Speaker 1: I couldn't. You could have cured me by giving me something.
Speaker 1: That's why it still works. Gave his as a thorough
Speaker 1: flu a night quill. Drop him up, and I was like,
Speaker 1: go to bed. I was pissed. Go to bed, let
Speaker 1: me sleep in peace. I was pissed, But you know
Speaker 1: it's it's it's funny because as like, like what she said.
Speaker 1: Even though we're joking a lot, we do have these
Speaker 1: these talks and these issues. You know, our sex drives
Speaker 1: don't always match, and for the most part right now,
Speaker 1: yes they don't. They don't ever match. And this has become,
Speaker 1: you know, a topic of contention in our home because
Speaker 1: me as a man, want to know, like, well, what
Speaker 1: do you expect me to do? You want me to
Speaker 1: be monogamous, You want me to come home and love
Speaker 1: on you and be romantic and do all these things.
Speaker 1: But how am I supposed to do all these things
Speaker 1: if I'm not getting what I need as well? I know,
Speaker 1: but you need it like every day to week? Can
Speaker 1: we like come to a happy medium? Sign? Stop stop
Speaker 1: lying and making it seem like like, Okay, here's the truth,
Speaker 1: right If I don't get it, we've already we started
Speaker 1: to bargain. Okay, she can't do it every day. The
Speaker 1: female body cannot take that type of interaction. Every day.
Speaker 1: Things happen, all right, So we go every other day, right,
Speaker 1: But if two and three days go in between that
Speaker 1: every other day, I'm gonna being a bad movie. Don't
Speaker 1: don't ask me for no hugs, you know, And don't
Speaker 1: and then don't act like you don't know what it is,
Speaker 1: because you'll be knowing what it is. She just gets
Speaker 1: tired of having the same discussions over and over again,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, I know what it is, so
Speaker 1: I know i'mnn have to turn up tonight. But we
Speaker 1: need to find we need to find some middle ground.
Speaker 1: Because I'm speaking for all the men here. Men turn
Speaker 1: up your radios. It is unfair for you, as a
Speaker 1: wife to ask me to have sex. When do you
Speaker 1: want to have sex? Only when you want to have sex?
Speaker 1: How you want to have sex and only have sex
Speaker 1: with you and be happy about it. That's like, that's
Speaker 1: where that's my point. Where is the compromise? If I
Speaker 1: got to do all that and I got to be happy?
Speaker 1: So I got ya. I'm just trying to smile right now,
Speaker 1: like I got to smile. She wants me to walk
Speaker 1: him smiling. Y'all hear the smile. So she wants me
Speaker 1: to walk in the house, horny. We ain't have sex
Speaker 1: in three or four days, and when we have sex,
Speaker 1: you gotta have sex how she want to have it.
Speaker 1: And I'm supposed to be like, hey, hey, you can't
Speaker 1: expect me to do that. Absolutely, I'm gonna be grumpy.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be to understand my plight and know that
Speaker 1: I was dealing with the kids all day, and I
Speaker 1: was working all day and all that good stuff. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't ever deal with the kids. I don't ever
Speaker 1: work right. I'll just be walking around the world free
Speaker 1: all day. Sometimes women be full of ship. I'm telling you,
Speaker 1: we're gonna cap this discussion for a whole another peut.
Speaker 1: Now we're capping. Now cap this is exactly what she doing,
Speaker 1: capping the booty because you're trying to tap the booty.
Speaker 1: But let's tap this for a whole another whole, another episode.
Speaker 1: Let me gather my thoughts because you're not about to
Speaker 1: attack me. I'm not attacking, attacking the truth. Just sure
Speaker 1: that's de vous truth though that's the only truth I'm
Speaker 1: concerned about, you know, because you always think you're right.
Speaker 1: Like I said before, guys see or the Highway, I
Speaker 1: know him right whatever? Anyway, Um, any advice for couples
Speaker 1: with different culture American and Caribbean. But this is something
Speaker 1: we had to deal with directly because there were some
Speaker 1: some issues of us not understanding each other's culture on
Speaker 1: a very serious level. You know, let's just throw out
Speaker 1: the food thing. Um, the religion thing because her her
Speaker 1: mom and dad sell them their seven day eventus. So
Speaker 1: I was raised seven, so they went to church on Saturday.
Speaker 1: I grew up Baptist. We go to church on Sunday.
Speaker 1: For me, those are the easy issues to deal with,
Speaker 1: you know, like we weren't even concerned about that. Some
Speaker 1: of the issues that we struggled with was the social
Speaker 1: economic issues that Caribbean and American blacks go through, and
Speaker 1: that a little bit of that clash they have, not
Speaker 1: understanding each other's history. Yeah, I think there's definitely a
Speaker 1: little bit of m contention between American blacks and Caribbean Absolutely.
Speaker 1: Um my parents are My mom is from Jamaica, my
Speaker 1: dad is from St. Vincent Um, And I think that,
Speaker 1: you know, they might I didn't think. I know that
Speaker 1: they migrated to New York looking for a better opportunity.
Speaker 1: You know, that's the thing you're back home, you have
Speaker 1: your family. My mom was the oldest of six. She
Speaker 1: is the oldest of six, I should say. My father,
Speaker 1: um also too, was one of the older sons in
Speaker 1: the family. So they came up here looking for a
Speaker 1: way to make money so they can send money back
Speaker 1: home to send for the kids and bring them up,
Speaker 1: and just looking for more opportunity out here in America.
Speaker 1: And they came and they worked. Like both of my parents,
Speaker 1: you know, we're pounding the pavement. My mom started with
Speaker 1: her first job at Burger King, you know, while she
Speaker 1: was going to nursing school. My dad was in the
Speaker 1: hospital working as a as a lab tech um. So
Speaker 1: you know, they definitely both were trying to just find
Speaker 1: a way to make money by any means necessary. And
Speaker 1: I think a lot of um West Indians, Um, I
Speaker 1: don't always say Caribbeans, but West Indians definitely come taking
Speaker 1: any job possible, by any means necessary, being able to
Speaker 1: make money to support themselves into advance. And I think
Speaker 1: and I can respect that, but but there the issue
Speaker 1: comes with Black Americans who have been in you know who,
Speaker 1: who have you grown in this country from generations. The
Speaker 1: issue comes with the lack of respect for the fight
Speaker 1: that black Americans had to go through to even get
Speaker 1: those opportunities for Caribbean Americans to come over here. And
Speaker 1: and part of the reason why there's an issue is
Speaker 1: because in our school systems in America, they do not
Speaker 1: teach Black American history. So I know they're not teaching
Speaker 1: Black American history in the Caribbeans, so in the Caribbean,
Speaker 1: in the Caribbean or West Indies. So when they come
Speaker 1: over here and you hear them use terms like black
Speaker 1: Americans are lazy because we refuse to take job jobs
Speaker 1: that that we've been doing in this country for free
Speaker 1: for years, it causes an issue for Black Americans because
Speaker 1: it's like, Yo, you're not gonna call me lazy when
Speaker 1: my people fought for the rights that you have now
Speaker 1: in this country. And I think that's where the issue
Speaker 1: called definitely, because there's been times when me and her
Speaker 1: dad have gotten into arguments in the home, in her
Speaker 1: home about what black people in the Americans are willing
Speaker 1: to do as opposed to black West Indians. And realistically
Speaker 1: it was just a lack of knowledge on on both parts,
Speaker 1: because there's a lot of Black Americans who don't understand
Speaker 1: the struggles in Caribbean culture and they just feel like, oh,
Speaker 1: you live in the Bahamas, it's nice there. You know,
Speaker 1: they don't understand that you're coming from almost a third
Speaker 1: world country and you're willing to do whatever to get
Speaker 1: that money. To go back. So, and let's be real,
Speaker 1: we all came from Africa and we were dispersed throughout
Speaker 1: the West Indies. We were dispersed about, you know, the
Speaker 1: America's so we all pretty much have the same struggle.
Speaker 1: Been this franchise for hundreds of years and we're all
Speaker 1: seeking that, you know, that ability to be able to
Speaker 1: just provide and thrive in the world. So I will
Speaker 1: say this any advice, make sure that you guys sit
Speaker 1: down as families and talk about the history of your culture.
Speaker 1: Be transparent about how you feel, but make sure someone
Speaker 1: is willing to educate the other and open to listen
Speaker 1: so you can learn about the others culture. I think
Speaker 1: that was very well said. Absolutely, because there's so much
Speaker 1: beauty in the culture. Yes, there is so much beauty
Speaker 1: between the Black American experience. There's beauty with all of
Speaker 1: the islands in the West Indies. So yeah, embrace that,
Speaker 1: embrace that we should really be supporting each other through
Speaker 1: it all. So, you know, first of all, we want
Speaker 1: to thank you guys because this has become like a
Speaker 1: therapy session for us. So if you've got any questions,
Speaker 1: please email it to us too. Dead ass Advice at gmail.
Speaker 1: Dot com. That's D E A D A S S
Speaker 1: A D V I C E at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: Thank you, guys. We appreciate to look forward to those questions. Yes, definitely,
Speaker 1: all right, the moment of truth. You've always hashtagged your
Speaker 1: devource truth on here or your videos and your futures
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. I would say my moment of
Speaker 1: truth or the moment of truth for me today would
Speaker 1: be do whatever you want to do in life, whatever
Speaker 1: you whoever you want to do it with, and enjoy
Speaker 1: it like you just got to enjoy every minute of it.
Speaker 1: You get one life to live and you have to enjoy.
Speaker 1: On top of that, you gotta learn to listen to
Speaker 1: the people closest to you and to be able to
Speaker 1: give and take constructive criticism without being offended or feeling
Speaker 1: insulted or being offensive or insulting people. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like, know what I'm saying is that's that's
Speaker 1: the moment of truth. If you can learn in all
Speaker 1: your relationships, not just marriage, brother, co worker, you know, friends,
Speaker 1: if you can learn how to take constructive criticism and
Speaker 1: not be insulted or offended and give it without insulting
Speaker 1: your relationships can grow because the only way you can
Speaker 1: grow in a relationship and learn is through dialogue. It's true.
Speaker 1: And I think they want the truth, but then I
Speaker 1: can't really digest the truth, so it's hard. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think people don't want the truth. I think people
Speaker 1: want to hear what they what they want to hear
Speaker 1: and take it as because they get offended if it's
Speaker 1: not right. Okay, gotcha, Well, I mean that takes me
Speaker 1: to mom a wer truth. I think, um, thinking about
Speaker 1: everything we spoke about today, I think about how much
Speaker 1: transparency can get you a long way, um, and in
Speaker 1: those relationships. So like you and I being very transparent,
Speaker 1: or just me learning to be more transparent, like with
Speaker 1: my my family and my parents and stuff, because transparency
Speaker 1: was something that was not really encouraged in my household.
Speaker 1: It was like, you know, you don't talk your business,
Speaker 1: you don't talk about things. They kind of blow over
Speaker 1: on their own, which they never do. They tend to fester.
Speaker 1: So transparency get your long way. I mean it's not
Speaker 1: just transparentcy transparency with your significant other, your family or friends,
Speaker 1: but being transparent with yourself. Like a lot of self
Speaker 1: reflection today. You know what's what's going on in Codein's
Speaker 1: life that she needs to fix. You know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Codin fix your life. You don't need yanla Um, but
Speaker 1: you know if no, but it helps to have someone
Speaker 1: who really cares about you in the process, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, and someone who's as invested in your goals,
Speaker 1: if not more, to help you along that way, you know, um,
Speaker 1: And yes, stop caring what people think so much. I
Speaker 1: think a lot of the reason why we're able to
Speaker 1: be in the position that we're in now, having had
Speaker 1: the social media sitcom or having the social media presence,
Speaker 1: it's because we ultimately are doing what we want to
Speaker 1: do and we haven't cared about what people said about
Speaker 1: us since we were eighteen. Because in the time we
Speaker 1: got together, when I was a freshman in college, all
Speaker 1: we kept hearing was y'all ain't gonna last. Oh, you
Speaker 1: got a girlfriend coming into college. We'll see how that goes.
Speaker 1: Oh you got a girlfriend going into the NFL. Oh
Speaker 1: we'll see how that goes. Oh you your wife doing
Speaker 1: social media? That ain't gonna last. Was like, That's why
Speaker 1: I said, do what you want with the people in
Speaker 1: your life and enjoy it and do not listen to
Speaker 1: nobody else. I mean, because if we did listen to
Speaker 1: everybody else, we probably wouldn't be here in the space
Speaker 1: that they're talking to y'all dead ass. Alright, guys, be
Speaker 1: sure to follow us on social media. I am Devout
Speaker 1: and that's Cadeen. I am for me kg A D
Speaker 1: and I am not Condemium, but I mean, hey, I'll
Speaker 1: take it either way. And if you're listening on Apple podcasts,
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review and subscribe and spread the
Speaker 1: lovely way. Baby. It's New York Way, It's cade and
Speaker 1: DeVos Way. Dead as dead Ass is a production of Stitcher.
Speaker 1: It's produced by T Square, Stephanie Karauke and Dinor Opinion.
Speaker 1: Our executive producer is Chris Bannon, and we'd like to
Speaker 1: give a special thanks to our recording engineer, Jared O'Connell,
Speaker 1: our sound designer Brendan Burns, and studio manager Ashley Warren.
Speaker 1: H We'll back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth.
Speaker 1: We have a podcast going on right now as part
Speaker 1: of the Stitchen every We're called Substraction that's available every
Speaker 1: we get a podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen
Speaker 1: right now. To the distraction. Right now, it's out do
Speaker 1: it least