1
00:00:00,840 --> 00:00:05,840
Speaker 1: Oh hello everybody. Oh it's Thursday or Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

2
00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:07,440
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter what day it is that you're listening

3
00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:09,639
Speaker 1: to this podcast, but it comes out every Thursday. And

4
00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:13,920
Speaker 1: this is Dear Chelsea and I'm Chelsea hand Chop and

5
00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:19,360
Speaker 1: this is my co host, Catherine law Hi. So much

6
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:22,640
Speaker 1: to report. Yes, oh god, I had the best fucking

7
00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:25,759
Speaker 1: weekend ever. You've been on tour, like math, Oh my god,

8
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,440
Speaker 1: it's been the best. I went to Albany, which was awesome.

9
00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:31,680
Speaker 1: I went to Boston. I love Boston. Oh my god.

10
00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:34,680
Speaker 1: The theater was built in eighteen fifty four that I

11
00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:38,559
Speaker 1: performed in in Boston, and it felt like it. I

12
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:41,240
Speaker 1: was sweating through my jumpsuit. I had to throw away

13
00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:43,920
Speaker 1: my underwear after the show I threw I walked off

14
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,880
Speaker 1: stage at the Orpheum Theater in Boston. First of all,

15
00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:49,440
Speaker 1: one of the best crowds ever. I've had so many

16
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,120
Speaker 1: great crowds on this tour. And I just love performing

17
00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:54,560
Speaker 1: in Boston because I'm an East Coaster and I'm from

18
00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:56,840
Speaker 1: the Vineyard, and I just, you know, all of those

19
00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:59,560
Speaker 1: places feel like home to me. And I walked off

20
00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:03,160
Speaker 1: stage and into what seemed like a prison shower at

21
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:06,039
Speaker 1: the Orpheum Theater just and I threw my underwear and

22
00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:08,240
Speaker 1: my bra and the garbage. I just was like, these

23
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:11,920
Speaker 1: two have seen their this is it and uh. And

24
00:01:11,959 --> 00:01:14,320
Speaker 1: then I did two shows of the Beacon, which were

25
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:18,839
Speaker 1: epic because the first show I had Sarah Cooper, who

26
00:01:18,959 --> 00:01:20,800
Speaker 1: you know that great girls who did all those trumpet

27
00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:26,039
Speaker 1: and then I had Amy Schumer and Sarah Silverman come

28
00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:30,679
Speaker 1: in to do surprise sets, which was the crowd went nuts.

29
00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:33,760
Speaker 1: And my crowds, I have to say everyone at my

30
00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:36,800
Speaker 1: shows Saturday and Sunday at the Beacon, all the comics

31
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:40,319
Speaker 1: that performed were like, Chelsea, you have the best crowds.

32
00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:43,720
Speaker 1: Amy said it, Sarah said it. I had Matteo Lane,

33
00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:46,320
Speaker 1: who's this incredible comic. If you don't know him, please

34
00:01:46,319 --> 00:01:49,440
Speaker 1: try and find him on Instagram Mateo Lane. He's so funny.

35
00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:52,320
Speaker 1: Hopefully I'll have him when I announced more dates, I

36
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:55,160
Speaker 1: had rosebud Baker and then Sarah Cooper again Sunday night.

37
00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:57,320
Speaker 1: My crowds are the best crowds and they were in

38
00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:59,480
Speaker 1: the best mood and I'm my family was there. I

39
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,360
Speaker 1: had so many friends there and we just crushed it.

40
00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:04,880
Speaker 1: It was just one of those great weekends. So we

41
00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:08,799
Speaker 1: justin ounced more tour dates in Canada and the Pacific Northwest.

42
00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:12,720
Speaker 1: We're coming to Seattle, We're coming to Eugene and Portland

43
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:17,360
Speaker 1: and Winnipeg and Vancouver and Toronto and all of those places.

44
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:19,760
Speaker 1: So please look at Chelsea Handler dot com for your tickets.

45
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:24,200
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna bring Joe Koy to my Florida dates,

46
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:28,680
Speaker 1: so we will have some Joe Koy Chelsea Handler duo

47
00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:34,560
Speaker 1: action in Jacksonville Jacksonville, Florida, and we're going to Orlando, Miami,

48
00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:37,799
Speaker 1: and St. Petersburg, So please look at my website by

49
00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:41,520
Speaker 1: your tickets. This tour has been awesome. I'm crushing it

50
00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,600
Speaker 1: and I usually don't say that about myself, but I'm

51
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:46,520
Speaker 1: gonna because I fucking ad and it's a message that

52
00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:49,600
Speaker 1: everyone needs to hear right now. And my thirty day

53
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:56,840
Speaker 1: alcohol clans is, Oh, I'm a couple of days really,

54
00:02:56,919 --> 00:02:58,800
Speaker 1: because I started a few days after you. You were

55
00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:01,280
Speaker 1: like four days in or something. How have you felt

56
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:03,840
Speaker 1: on it? Okay, I'm not. It was easy for the

57
00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:06,160
Speaker 1: first couple of weeks, and then once I got to

58
00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:08,120
Speaker 1: New York City and I was I was staying in

59
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:10,240
Speaker 1: New York, like between my weekends where I go on

60
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:11,840
Speaker 1: the road and Joe goes on the road, so we

61
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,080
Speaker 1: meet up. The last two weeks we've met up in

62
00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,000
Speaker 1: New York. Going to New York and going out to

63
00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:18,680
Speaker 1: restaurants was the most challenging for me because that's where

64
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:22,600
Speaker 1: I wanted Margarita right. I wanted Margarita no salt and

65
00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:26,320
Speaker 1: I and that was very difficult. But Joe is so

66
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:30,080
Speaker 1: great because he doesn't care about drinking, so it didn't matter,

67
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,280
Speaker 1: so it was easy to be with him. So we

68
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:35,920
Speaker 1: started ordering non alcoholic beers and now I'm addicted to

69
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:39,480
Speaker 1: non alcoholic beer. Class Tower is my favorite. But I

70
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,680
Speaker 1: went into one place and they had the Heideken zero

71
00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:45,040
Speaker 1: and they handed to us, handed it to us, and

72
00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,120
Speaker 1: I was like jones ing by the time, I like

73
00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,200
Speaker 1: the third day of non alcoholic beer. Once I was

74
00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:51,800
Speaker 1: introduced to it, I was like, oh wait. I was like,

75
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,680
Speaker 1: I need out alcoholic beer right now. Joe, let's go.

76
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:56,960
Speaker 1: And He's like, oh my god, you're such a non

77
00:03:56,960 --> 00:04:01,880
Speaker 1: alcoholic alcoholic. And they served us a Heineken zero and

78
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:05,480
Speaker 1: it was warm, and I just I said, we have

79
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:07,200
Speaker 1: to go right now, and I just left a hundred

80
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,000
Speaker 1: bucks on the table and we departed. I was like,

81
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:12,240
Speaker 1: I'm already struggling. So it was the last week that

82
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,680
Speaker 1: was the hardest. I broke it. Last night after my

83
00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:17,480
Speaker 1: show at the Beacon, I went out with Matteo, Lane,

84
00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:20,640
Speaker 1: and Alana Glazier from Broad City. She was at my show,

85
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:25,440
Speaker 1: love her and Matteo and his friend Dorian, and we

86
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:30,240
Speaker 1: had an apperall sprits at dinner. I had to lovely, Lovely.

87
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:34,000
Speaker 1: I've been feeling the same way like after week two.

88
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:36,640
Speaker 1: It was harder, and I kept sort of waiting for

89
00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:38,680
Speaker 1: what everybody talks about, like and I just felt so

90
00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:42,200
Speaker 1: inspired and wonderful and no hangovers and all this stuff.

91
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,360
Speaker 1: I kept waiting for that, but I just found myself

92
00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:47,640
Speaker 1: being very bored in the evenings and very boring. I

93
00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:50,600
Speaker 1: found myself to be boring, Like people come on the

94
00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:53,040
Speaker 1: road in the openers. I have different girls coming to

95
00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,440
Speaker 1: different cities, and I think they think, like it's going

96
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:58,480
Speaker 1: to be this party afterwards, We're gonna go to drink,

97
00:04:58,720 --> 00:04:59,880
Speaker 1: And I was like, I go to my room and

98
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:03,039
Speaker 1: FaceTime with my boyfriend, and now that's my life and

99
00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:06,200
Speaker 1: I have I have no social skills without alcohol, Like

100
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,839
Speaker 1: I mean, I do, but you have to. It's a hurdle.

101
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:12,200
Speaker 1: Like going out without drinking is like do I really

102
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,280
Speaker 1: want to do that to myself. I'd rather just go

103
00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:18,000
Speaker 1: home and be by myself, so there's no pressure to socialize,

104
00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:21,039
Speaker 1: you know. And Plus when I'm starting my tours, I liked,

105
00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:23,480
Speaker 1: well this store. I wanted to be really focused, and

106
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:26,120
Speaker 1: I kept running into people that had done a thirty

107
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:29,080
Speaker 1: day cleanse, like my hair stylist Ben Scriven in New York.

108
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,960
Speaker 1: He was like, oh, I I took January sober January,

109
00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:35,640
Speaker 1: and then it led to ten more months and I

110
00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:37,520
Speaker 1: was like, oh, is that going to happen to me?

111
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,000
Speaker 1: Am I going to be a sneaky sober person? And

112
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,880
Speaker 1: then I was like no, no, you can't do that, Chelsea,

113
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:45,120
Speaker 1: Like that is not your personality. So I think it

114
00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,479
Speaker 1: has to be accumulative. Like I think people get to

115
00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:49,360
Speaker 1: a month and then they do another month and then

116
00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:52,120
Speaker 1: you start to feel so incredible, but like month three,

117
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,039
Speaker 1: I don't have that kind of time. Another thing that

118
00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,520
Speaker 1: happened was that I was eating whatever the funk I

119
00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:01,920
Speaker 1: wanted to do or wanted to and that was counter

120
00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:05,200
Speaker 1: active to my no alcohol right. The one thing I

121
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:09,040
Speaker 1: did notice is that my skin and my face was tight,

122
00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,120
Speaker 1: like is tight. It got tight and everyone was going,

123
00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,560
Speaker 1: oh my god, your skin is so incredible. That could

124
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,720
Speaker 1: also be because I'm in love. It could also be

125
00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:20,640
Speaker 1: because I'm getting penetrated on a regular basis. But there

126
00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:23,360
Speaker 1: is a definite component about you know, alcohol does aide you.

127
00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:27,640
Speaker 1: That's not deniable. I mean, but yeah, I I'm glad

128
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,960
Speaker 1: to be done with it. I'm gonna have a drink tonight.

129
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,719
Speaker 1: We're gonna go out to dinner with Joe and his

130
00:06:31,839 --> 00:06:34,880
Speaker 1: son and his ex wife and her friend, and I'm

131
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:38,359
Speaker 1: planning on having a stiff drink. It's a night for

132
00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:42,120
Speaker 1: a drink. Yeah, And I think I'll just I think

133
00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:44,880
Speaker 1: I'll probably taper off my drinking a little bit. I mean,

134
00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:46,960
Speaker 1: it was already a lot less than I had been.

135
00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:50,200
Speaker 1: But I do like being clear and on stage. I

136
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:54,080
Speaker 1: don't like having alcohol in my system or around when

137
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,440
Speaker 1: I'm when I'm performing. Yeah, I would imagine it sort

138
00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:58,000
Speaker 1: of slows you down and makes you a little more

139
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:01,240
Speaker 1: sluggish on stage. Sluggish. And I'll so, Yeah, Like I

140
00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:03,360
Speaker 1: like sharpness. I want to be quick and I want

141
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:04,760
Speaker 1: to be sharp and I want to know what the

142
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,680
Speaker 1: hell I'm doing so that I'm in complete control of

143
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:10,960
Speaker 1: the situation. Right. So, I luckily, at the age tender

144
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:13,280
Speaker 1: age of forty six, I've realized how to do stand up.

145
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,480
Speaker 1: What are you planning on having as your first drink?

146
00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:20,520
Speaker 1: I think it's gonna be champagne. But one of the

147
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,720
Speaker 1: other things that happened at some point during this experiment,

148
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:26,880
Speaker 1: like there was a night where I woke up in

149
00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:29,040
Speaker 1: the morning and felt like I had a hangover. Like

150
00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:30,520
Speaker 1: if I had had a drink the night before, I

151
00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:32,280
Speaker 1: would have been like, wow, I got a hangover from

152
00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,560
Speaker 1: one drink. That happened to me too, did it. Yeah,

153
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,480
Speaker 1: every morning that I was on the road, I woke

154
00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:38,400
Speaker 1: up and felt hung over, And I'm like, this is

155
00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:41,040
Speaker 1: very unfair, because god forbid I was drinking. How the

156
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:42,800
Speaker 1: funk would I have felt? I wouldn't have been. And

157
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,720
Speaker 1: the schedules when you're when you're on the road, like

158
00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:47,880
Speaker 1: you take four hour car drives. It's a fucking racket.

159
00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:49,880
Speaker 1: And you know, it takes a lot of energy to

160
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:51,920
Speaker 1: be on stage for an hour and a half or

161
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:54,720
Speaker 1: however long I do, usually like an hour, ten twenty minutes,

162
00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:58,360
Speaker 1: but it takes a lot. Then with alcohol just compounds

163
00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:01,400
Speaker 1: the situation. So I was like, Oh, if I feel

164
00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:04,680
Speaker 1: hungover without alcohol, what is alcohol going to add to

165
00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:07,680
Speaker 1: the mix. So that's very frustrating, but I felt that

166
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,360
Speaker 1: way too. Yeah, but I think it's going to be champagne.

167
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:13,760
Speaker 1: Champagne is the thing, Okay, Yeah, well I can't enjoy that.

168
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:17,040
Speaker 1: I also don't want to minimize that people do have

169
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,720
Speaker 1: real struggles with alcohol. Clearly we're joking about it, but

170
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,280
Speaker 1: I know a lot of our listeners have a lot

171
00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:24,960
Speaker 1: of issues with substances, and so please don't you know,

172
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:27,800
Speaker 1: I don't want you to feel disrespected or not heard.

173
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:31,240
Speaker 1: I think having it be this easy to take a

174
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:34,400
Speaker 1: break is a reason to take a break from alcohol.

175
00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:36,679
Speaker 1: If it is difficult to take a break, then you

176
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:39,760
Speaker 1: probably have something to talk about, you know, And you

177
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:42,000
Speaker 1: should take a break if it feels like you can't.

178
00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:45,160
Speaker 1: But I know that people sometimes have to take a

179
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:48,560
Speaker 1: break and sometimes they have to stop. So you and

180
00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:52,199
Speaker 1: I are clearly just taking a break. And yeah, and

181
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,240
Speaker 1: that was, honestly one of the things that motivated me

182
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:58,360
Speaker 1: to not quit in the middle is because I thought

183
00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:00,720
Speaker 1: to myself, well, if I can't do the default days,

184
00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:03,400
Speaker 1: then that means something to me, and maybe there is

185
00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:06,840
Speaker 1: an issue with that because I enjoyed drinking, but it

186
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,560
Speaker 1: was kind of a nice refresher to see how I

187
00:09:09,559 --> 00:09:13,080
Speaker 1: function without it and kind of take the temperature on that. Yeah,

188
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,480
Speaker 1: see how I functioned without it? Yeah, exactly because I

189
00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:17,360
Speaker 1: said to Joe, I got I have no social skills.

190
00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:19,920
Speaker 1: He goes, Honey, you can't say that if you don't drink,

191
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,160
Speaker 1: you have no social skills. I'm like, no, I haven't

192
00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:25,200
Speaker 1: had social skills since the pandemic, and not drinking is

193
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:29,079
Speaker 1: really making me realize it. But we all are lacking

194
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:31,240
Speaker 1: in social skills right now. You know, we're all just

195
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:34,120
Speaker 1: gonna be a little weird. There's a lot of gaps

196
00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,800
Speaker 1: and conversations where there were none before. Let's just put

197
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,680
Speaker 1: it that way. Yes, absolutely, And by the way, you

198
00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:41,840
Speaker 1: know what, I've got so many d ms on Instagram

199
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:43,600
Speaker 1: of people who were joining us in the in the

200
00:09:43,679 --> 00:09:46,040
Speaker 1: on the clans. They were like, you've inspired me to

201
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:48,040
Speaker 1: take thirty days off. I got a girl that said

202
00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:50,120
Speaker 1: she took thirty days off. She's moving on to another

203
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,280
Speaker 1: month because she feels so great. So to all of

204
00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:54,200
Speaker 1: the people that DM me who are listening to this.

205
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:58,240
Speaker 1: I see your messages and I'm really excited that we're

206
00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:00,439
Speaker 1: able to kind of do this stuff together because it's

207
00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,440
Speaker 1: so helpful to do something like this and no other

208
00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:04,960
Speaker 1: people are doing it with you, you know, Yeah, have you?

209
00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:08,000
Speaker 1: Has your husband done it too? Um, he's sort of

210
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:12,400
Speaker 1: done it. He drank a lot less, we'll put it

211
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:15,080
Speaker 1: that way. You know. Our love runs deep, So yeah,

212
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:18,160
Speaker 1: you're running and even deeper now because you guys have

213
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:22,720
Speaker 1: been watching Sex, Love and Gool. Which brings us to

214
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:26,480
Speaker 1: our next guests. And she's a very exciting guest. But

215
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:28,720
Speaker 1: we have to take an ad break. Oh, we'll be

216
00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:33,800
Speaker 1: right back. Okay. Sounds good. Okay, So I'm going to

217
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,280
Speaker 1: go ahead and introduce our guest for today, who is

218
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:38,200
Speaker 1: a dear friend of mine. I love her so much.

219
00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:41,880
Speaker 1: She's an actress. She's an entrepreneur and CEO and founder

220
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:48,319
Speaker 1: of Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow. Her show is Sex, Love and Goop.

221
00:10:48,559 --> 00:10:51,760
Speaker 1: It premiers Thursday, October one, which means you can catch

222
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:55,200
Speaker 1: it today. It's a new six part series on Netflix,

223
00:10:55,679 --> 00:11:00,360
Speaker 1: and I am very excited to introduce my friend Gunnet. Hello.

224
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:07,000
Speaker 1: Oh hello, call her go ahead, caller, caller, are you there?

225
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:11,240
Speaker 1: It's meet Chelsea callor Esther. Are you there? Is that you?

226
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,520
Speaker 1: We see you? Baby? I see you? Can you see me?

227
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:19,080
Speaker 1: You look beautiful? Oh honey, not as beautiful as you? Hi? Hi, Hi, Hi?

228
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,920
Speaker 1: Where are you? I just got to l A. We're

229
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:24,600
Speaker 1: in a studio in l A. This is my co host, Katherine.

230
00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:29,360
Speaker 1: She's my producer on this podcast. She will be joining us.

231
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:34,440
Speaker 1: Nice to meet you, Gwyneth. Let's get right into it. Okay, Yeah,

232
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:37,199
Speaker 1: I would like to start with a you just came

233
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:40,440
Speaker 1: out with a new vibrator that was very exciting for

234
00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:43,240
Speaker 1: everybody to find out about, because you've been at the

235
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:50,360
Speaker 1: forefront of celebrities embracing their sex lives and discussing all

236
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:54,160
Speaker 1: the kind of taboo subjects that everybody in our industry

237
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,360
Speaker 1: seems to be very shy about. So as I was

238
00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:59,080
Speaker 1: reading this quote about you, it sounded a lot about

239
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,880
Speaker 1: like a quote about out me. It says Gwyneth has

240
00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:05,440
Speaker 1: always pushed uncomfortable topics forward and been an advocate for

241
00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:10,040
Speaker 1: normalizing the conversation around female pleasure. And I thought, what

242
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:13,520
Speaker 1: a great thing to be an advocate for female pleasure.

243
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:17,200
Speaker 1: And I know from our own friendship forgive me when

244
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,760
Speaker 1: I call her Esther listeners. I called Gwyneth Esther and

245
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,520
Speaker 1: she calls me YELSEI because we have a history together

246
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:25,280
Speaker 1: and those are our nicknames from a long time ago.

247
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,600
Speaker 1: And I'm not really even sure why, but we've stuck

248
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:34,160
Speaker 1: with it. I know, why, tell me? Why do you remember? Why? Yeah,

249
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,640
Speaker 1: but I'll tell I'll tell you, Okay. It sounds like

250
00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:40,000
Speaker 1: an ex boyfriend that I'm not just supposed to mention anyway,

251
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:44,720
Speaker 1: both it's a double penetration ex boyfriend. We're not supposed

252
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:49,040
Speaker 1: to mention. But we have had very candid conversations about sex,

253
00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:52,040
Speaker 1: you and I have, and and I have to say,

254
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:55,200
Speaker 1: you know, growing up and knowing of Gwyneth, and before

255
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,920
Speaker 1: I knew her personally, I had an idea about you

256
00:12:58,040 --> 00:13:01,000
Speaker 1: and I had a not a judgment, I want to say,

257
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:05,679
Speaker 1: but I just thought, wow, yeah, I know I didn't

258
00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:09,160
Speaker 1: eat you, but I just definitely thought you were very patrician.

259
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:12,320
Speaker 1: That's the right word, right, patrician, which isn't to say

260
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,360
Speaker 1: that you aren't. But when I did get to know you,

261
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:17,920
Speaker 1: one of the things the most endearing qualities about you

262
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:21,840
Speaker 1: is how open you are about sex, and how open

263
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:25,600
Speaker 1: you are about everything really and I remember talking about

264
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,959
Speaker 1: our sex lives, and we were we had a very

265
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,640
Speaker 1: kind of candid conversation with a bunch of people around,

266
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:34,040
Speaker 1: and I just thought, oh, this is this is more freeing.

267
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:37,520
Speaker 1: And you were more free than I was at that point,

268
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:40,520
Speaker 1: which I thought, Oh, how ironic. I'm known as this

269
00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:44,120
Speaker 1: person who's outspoken and says everything, and yet you were

270
00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:47,520
Speaker 1: so much more easily able to discuss kind of the

271
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:51,560
Speaker 1: the taboos of things like you know, vibrators and different

272
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:53,560
Speaker 1: kinds of sex, and what turns you on and what

273
00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:55,880
Speaker 1: turns you off, and and all of the things that

274
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:58,840
Speaker 1: go into the melting pot of being so attracted to

275
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:02,400
Speaker 1: somebody and building on out attraction through trust and through

276
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:07,079
Speaker 1: kind of self exploration and everything that encompasses being a whole,

277
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:10,160
Speaker 1: more full person. Would you say that you were always

278
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,400
Speaker 1: that way? I think so, you know, I mean I

279
00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:17,160
Speaker 1: tend to be I guess a little more circumspect, but

280
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:20,000
Speaker 1: you know, like in public, but when I'm with my girlfriends,

281
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:24,000
Speaker 1: as you know, like I just I just want to

282
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:27,280
Speaker 1: go there, like I want to know what is in

283
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:30,640
Speaker 1: everybody's way, what are the friction points? Like what is

284
00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:35,120
Speaker 1: everybody up against? Can we peel off some layers of stuff,

285
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:38,760
Speaker 1: Like I'm so fascinated by what makes us all tick

286
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:42,160
Speaker 1: and the things that we're honest about and not honest about,

287
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,800
Speaker 1: and what our blind spots are. And I think, like

288
00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:47,320
Speaker 1: the conversation around sex with your women friends, it's such

289
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:50,880
Speaker 1: a fascinating one because it's like this microcosm of their

290
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,760
Speaker 1: lives where like they think they're talking about sex, but

291
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:58,520
Speaker 1: they're talking about everything right there, talking about all insecurities

292
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:01,760
Speaker 1: or you know, patterns that come up, like it's all

293
00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:03,840
Speaker 1: right there. And so I just find it like a

294
00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:07,400
Speaker 1: really fascinating topic. And when do you think that you

295
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:10,960
Speaker 1: came into your kind of sexual awareness, Like when do

296
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,280
Speaker 1: you think what age were you when you really started

297
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:17,280
Speaker 1: to understand yourself and your wants sexually, because obviously it's

298
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:20,880
Speaker 1: a moving target for many of us. Exactly Well, I

299
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:23,200
Speaker 1: think you said it perfectly, and I think it's still

300
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:26,040
Speaker 1: a moving target, and I think forever it's an exploration.

301
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:30,200
Speaker 1: And you know, recently, I've started to think, I don't

302
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,480
Speaker 1: know if you feel this way, but I feel like

303
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:36,960
Speaker 1: there's so much programming that happens implicitly from the time

304
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:40,120
Speaker 1: we're young, especially our generation, about what good girls do

305
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:44,560
Speaker 1: and don't do. And so therefore, if you have a

306
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,840
Speaker 1: thought that's maybe outside the box, or if you want

307
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:49,360
Speaker 1: to do something that's outside the box, I think you're

308
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:53,000
Speaker 1: conditioned to think there's something wrong with you, or you know,

309
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:56,080
Speaker 1: you're weird or whatever. And I think a couple of things.

310
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:59,160
Speaker 1: I think, first of all, I've had sort of chapters

311
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:02,160
Speaker 1: in my life where I've felt very close to myself

312
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:06,000
Speaker 1: sexually and like accepting myself sexually, and then chapters of

313
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,440
Speaker 1: my life where I've felt really far away from myself,

314
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:12,320
Speaker 1: and I don't know. I think the idea that like,

315
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,800
Speaker 1: I would just love it if we could all give

316
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,280
Speaker 1: ourselves the space to be like, well, let you know,

317
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:20,400
Speaker 1: let me just explore what this what what this thought is,

318
00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:24,120
Speaker 1: or what this feels like, as opposed to constantly putting

319
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:27,920
Speaker 1: it in a context of like shame or it was

320
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:30,160
Speaker 1: bad because I didn't get what I want, or like

321
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,600
Speaker 1: just like what if we started to open up a

322
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:36,480
Speaker 1: little bit and talk about it's really hard, Like have you,

323
00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:38,560
Speaker 1: you know, been with a partner and said, well, you're

324
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:42,000
Speaker 1: a different case because you're very forthright. But I think

325
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:44,360
Speaker 1: to say, like that doesn't feel good, or I would

326
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:47,040
Speaker 1: really love it if you tried this, Like, it's just

327
00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:49,760
Speaker 1: really hard for women to say. I want to say that.

328
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,800
Speaker 1: It's hard even for me to say. Everyone thinks that

329
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,400
Speaker 1: I have like no idea. It is hard for me

330
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:57,440
Speaker 1: to say. You know, I I've recently been talking about

331
00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,600
Speaker 1: blow jobs because that was something that I thought was degrading.

332
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:02,880
Speaker 1: I really did. I grew. I went in high school.

333
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,680
Speaker 1: I had a guy. The first time I tried to

334
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:06,800
Speaker 1: give a blowjob, he put his hand on the back

335
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,640
Speaker 1: of my head, and I thought, get that buck off

336
00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:12,040
Speaker 1: of me, like, you are never allowed to touch me again.

337
00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:15,680
Speaker 1: And so for so many years I was so kind

338
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:18,520
Speaker 1: of traumatized by that one incident that I thought blow

339
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:23,760
Speaker 1: jobs equated degradation, like that was demoralizing and and that

340
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,840
Speaker 1: wasn't That wasn't a girl that respected herself. And now

341
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,320
Speaker 1: that I'm in love with somebody, I want to give

342
00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:31,639
Speaker 1: blow jobs to him. I want to put his hand

343
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,399
Speaker 1: on the back of my head. I'm like, yes, yes,

344
00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:38,440
Speaker 1: Like I've never felt more inclined to want to put

345
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:41,080
Speaker 1: someone's penis in my mouth than I do with somebody

346
00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:44,360
Speaker 1: that I deeply, deeply love. And I get it now.

347
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:47,320
Speaker 1: I just paused to say, is this this is the

348
00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:50,040
Speaker 1: same guy from summer. Yes, yes, Joe Coy is his name.

349
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:54,080
Speaker 1: He's my game, he's my lover. So psyched because I

350
00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:55,639
Speaker 1: thought when we were having dinner in the summer, I

351
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,439
Speaker 1: was like this, really, this really sounds promising, like you

352
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,800
Speaker 1: were talking about it's on baby. Never heard you talk

353
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,119
Speaker 1: about a dude, So this is great. It's on baby,

354
00:18:04,119 --> 00:18:05,880
Speaker 1: and you're going to meet him at some point and

355
00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:09,119
Speaker 1: he cannot and he has given me because I because

356
00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:11,440
Speaker 1: there is a deep love and a deep respect. There

357
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:14,399
Speaker 1: is an intimacy there that I have never experienced before.

358
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,359
Speaker 1: So when you talk about saying to somebody, hey, when

359
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,800
Speaker 1: they're rubbing the side of your labia instead of your

360
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:23,240
Speaker 1: clatorus and we just sit there and pretend that that's

361
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:27,080
Speaker 1: acceptable and fake and orgasm, I've come to a point

362
00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:28,840
Speaker 1: in my life where I'm like, no, honey, move your

363
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:31,760
Speaker 1: hand over here. This is where this is and that

364
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,640
Speaker 1: level of intimacy where you can say to somebody, hey,

365
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,320
Speaker 1: this is what I like, this is what I want

366
00:18:36,359 --> 00:18:39,600
Speaker 1: to try. Let's try. This is something that that is

367
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:43,080
Speaker 1: the definition of intimacy. I agree with you completely, and

368
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:46,159
Speaker 1: I just want to acknowledge that it is really a

369
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:49,840
Speaker 1: vulnerable conversation in a hard conversation for I think especially

370
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,399
Speaker 1: women to have and especially younger women especially. You know,

371
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:54,639
Speaker 1: it's like you look around in this generation and the

372
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:58,840
Speaker 1: messages they're being told about sex, and it's like they

373
00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:01,399
Speaker 1: have to be fuckable, and you know, it's like I

374
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:05,000
Speaker 1: worry so much about the messages they're getting about who

375
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:08,719
Speaker 1: they're supposed to be sexually. So that's kind of like

376
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:11,080
Speaker 1: why I wanted to do the show so badly, because

377
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:12,600
Speaker 1: I thought it would be so nice to have some

378
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:15,560
Speaker 1: counter programming to all of that, you know, and to

379
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,600
Speaker 1: show what happens in an intimate relationship when there are

380
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:21,960
Speaker 1: when there are problems, when problems arise, and and the

381
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:26,240
Speaker 1: level of communication that's needed and bravery, you know, to

382
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:29,280
Speaker 1: counteract some of that. I just get very disturbed by

383
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:32,000
Speaker 1: by what I see and in the popular culture in

384
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,520
Speaker 1: terms of what what a girl is supposed to look

385
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:38,240
Speaker 1: like and therefore be like do you know what I mean? Yeah? Absolutely?

386
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:40,400
Speaker 1: And I think the new show you have coming out,

387
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:43,280
Speaker 1: which is on Netflix, I think it streams today, correct, Yes,

388
00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:47,480
Speaker 1: it drops today, comes out. It drips it drip drops today.

389
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:51,200
Speaker 1: It's called sex Love and Goop. And this is an

390
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:54,879
Speaker 1: exploration of five couples that are seeking ways to be

391
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:59,720
Speaker 1: more intimate and have a stronger kind of sexual relationship,

392
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:06,360
Speaker 1: stronger intimacy, and a stronger understanding really of of what

393
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:08,280
Speaker 1: it means to be there for your partner and what

394
00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:11,719
Speaker 1: it means to ask for what you want, which is

395
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:14,480
Speaker 1: what we're all about, because I think this applies to

396
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,480
Speaker 1: everything in a woman's life. Asking for what we want

397
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,320
Speaker 1: is sometimes the last thing we're able to do. And

398
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,600
Speaker 1: so if you can apply this, I think it always

399
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:24,840
Speaker 1: starts at home. If you can apply it to your relationship,

400
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,680
Speaker 1: you're able to apply it to the world, You're able

401
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:28,840
Speaker 1: to apply it to your career, and so on and

402
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,760
Speaker 1: so on. And Catherine, you were telling me that you

403
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:34,480
Speaker 1: guys were watching it with your husband. I watched it

404
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:37,960
Speaker 1: with my husband, and one thing I found so amazing

405
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,359
Speaker 1: was literally ten minutes in, like ten minutes in we

406
00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:44,440
Speaker 1: were pausing a show. We were like talking about things

407
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:47,359
Speaker 1: that we we've never talked about, and not just about sex,

408
00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:50,360
Speaker 1: but about relationships. And and I mean I learned I've

409
00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:53,040
Speaker 1: been with him for sixteen years, and I learned stuff

410
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:56,160
Speaker 1: about him I never knew. So it was this wonderful

411
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:59,880
Speaker 1: experience to watch together and discover new things about each

412
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:04,240
Speaker 1: other other. It was really cool. I'm so happy about that. Yeah,

413
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,240
Speaker 1: do you want? Would you and Brad watch it together

414
00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:10,240
Speaker 1: and discover new things about yourselves? Gwyneth, we haven't watched

415
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:13,160
Speaker 1: it together. He hasn't seen it yet. You know. It's

416
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:16,159
Speaker 1: like when you're editing a show and you're just in

417
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:18,639
Speaker 1: the computer with headphones on. But I'm looking forward to

418
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:21,040
Speaker 1: watching it with him. I want to say, like, your

419
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,760
Speaker 1: relationship with each other has been so inspiring to watch,

420
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:27,760
Speaker 1: because the two of you really had a really beautiful

421
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:32,520
Speaker 1: friendship that developed into a love ship and developed into

422
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,520
Speaker 1: a marriage. And for a long time, you guys didn't

423
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:37,560
Speaker 1: even live together. I'm still not even convinced you really

424
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:41,680
Speaker 1: do now because we do. But what do you think

425
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:47,560
Speaker 1: that added to your relationship by remaining independent but together. Well,

426
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:51,320
Speaker 1: it's interesting because the reason that we we got we

427
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:53,679
Speaker 1: were together for a long time and we never we

428
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:55,480
Speaker 1: didn't live together, and then we got married and we

429
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:59,240
Speaker 1: decided let's just wait another year before we move in.

430
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:02,359
Speaker 1: And the consciousness behind that was really like, let's just

431
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 1: let the kids kind of settle into this energetic body

432
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:10,280
Speaker 1: of like a marriage and a family, and and I

433
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,320
Speaker 1: think for that year it was funny because in the

434
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:16,840
Speaker 1: years before it was nice to have that time. It's like, oh,

435
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,359
Speaker 1: tonight is like my night with Brad. I'm so excited,

436
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,120
Speaker 1: and now tonight he's with his kids, and oh my god.

437
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:24,560
Speaker 1: Fun I get to have a girl's dinner or I

438
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,280
Speaker 1: get to like drink wine in the bath and then

439
00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:29,919
Speaker 1: dance around like a lunatic like and I was like,

440
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,160
Speaker 1: this is great, this is so fun because we get

441
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,560
Speaker 1: the best of both worlds. And then interestingly, if once

442
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:38,439
Speaker 1: we got married, I really really missed him and and

443
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:41,600
Speaker 1: it was like it felt like, gosh, I really wish

444
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:43,760
Speaker 1: we lived. It felt like we should be living under

445
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:45,840
Speaker 1: the same roof. And so by the time he moved in,

446
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,000
Speaker 1: it was really I had a lot of longing and

447
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:51,520
Speaker 1: I was so excited about it. Oh that's so sweet,

448
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 1: and he's so sweet too. Yeah, yeah, I think that's

449
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:58,680
Speaker 1: And also dating is so much sexier, Like the longer

450
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:01,560
Speaker 1: you could prolong that experience with somebody, I think the

451
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:05,280
Speaker 1: sexterior relationship becomes you know. I I love to think

452
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:06,880
Speaker 1: of the idea. When people ask me if I'm gonna

453
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:08,560
Speaker 1: get married, I'm like, I would just like to be

454
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:10,560
Speaker 1: engaged for a really long time because I want to

455
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:14,120
Speaker 1: be with my boyfriend, not necessarily my husband. But that's

456
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:16,520
Speaker 1: those are my issues about what, you know, the construct

457
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:19,240
Speaker 1: of marriage and all that bullshit, which is irrelevant for this.

458
00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 1: But I will say, like if you kind of take

459
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,280
Speaker 1: the modern version of marriage out of it, or like

460
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,199
Speaker 1: the patriarchical version of marriage, and it's like and you

461
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:31,040
Speaker 1: kind of go back to some other thing of like

462
00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:34,280
Speaker 1: a real commitment to someone, like something cool does happen.

463
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:38,359
Speaker 1: You'll see it's like this. It is like this entity

464
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:41,880
Speaker 1: that you guys create. It's this very cool thing. I mean,

465
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:44,000
Speaker 1: you know what I'm talking about. Because you've been married

466
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:47,400
Speaker 1: for sixteen years, right, Yeah, I think there is an

467
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:51,280
Speaker 1: energetic shift you don't expect with that. Like we got

468
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:54,639
Speaker 1: married very young, and years later when our friends started

469
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,160
Speaker 1: getting married, they were like, nothing's going to change. We've

470
00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,520
Speaker 1: been living together. It's just a piece of paper. And

471
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:03,359
Speaker 1: every time there was a shift, and it was either

472
00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:06,800
Speaker 1: for the better or for the worst, like some people

473
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,640
Speaker 1: thought about things that they had never fought about or

474
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:12,199
Speaker 1: just had different expectations of each other. But there is

475
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:15,639
Speaker 1: some shift that happens. Yeah, because you're teaming up and

476
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:18,399
Speaker 1: it's a partnership, you know, and a lot of people,

477
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,040
Speaker 1: I think also think that marriage is going to solve

478
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:23,680
Speaker 1: you know. Conversely, I think many people think marriage is

479
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:25,200
Speaker 1: going to solve a lot of the issues that they

480
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,680
Speaker 1: may have. So that's why this show is so well.

481
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:30,440
Speaker 1: It's always been timely, but timelier now I think because

482
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,199
Speaker 1: people are open more open to having these kind of deeper,

483
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:37,240
Speaker 1: intimate conversations about what they're feeling. I forget the couple's name,

484
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,560
Speaker 1: but the woman who talks about unclenching in one of

485
00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:43,160
Speaker 1: the episodes, and I was like, oh my god, unclenching.

486
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:45,720
Speaker 1: I'm like, do I do that? And I think I might,

487
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,919
Speaker 1: And how she said, I realize I've been clenched for

488
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:53,120
Speaker 1: so long and just had this incredible emotional experience through

489
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:56,560
Speaker 1: that she she and her partner, and there was Erica

490
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,480
Speaker 1: and Damon, I believe, and I mean they both had

491
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:03,560
Speaker 1: these basically like touching the face of God experiences. I

492
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:07,000
Speaker 1: feel like the energetic orgasm that Damon had, and and

493
00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:10,280
Speaker 1: her experience with unclenching and letting herself be freer, and

494
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:12,280
Speaker 1: and the body shame that went with some of the

495
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 1: assumptions that she made about her body because of what

496
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:17,960
Speaker 1: partners had said in the past. And I mean, yeah,

497
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 1: that's something that I think all women can relate to.

498
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:21,439
Speaker 1: You know, I had a boyfriend who told me my

499
00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:23,520
Speaker 1: boobs were too big, and then I went on a

500
00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:26,560
Speaker 1: topless rampage for six years after we broke up to

501
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:29,280
Speaker 1: prove to myself that my boobs were just perfect and

502
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:31,520
Speaker 1: they were for me. But he had given me a

503
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:34,960
Speaker 1: complex about it for so long at that I was like,

504
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,119
Speaker 1: by the time I got away from him, on like freedom,

505
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:39,800
Speaker 1: You know, I should embrace these boobs. They're mine, They're natural,

506
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:43,520
Speaker 1: they're big and bountiful, and I should love them. So yeah,

507
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:45,639
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people shame us into thinking

508
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:47,800
Speaker 1: about our bodies. I know, Gwyneth, you and I have

509
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:51,000
Speaker 1: had this conversation about past boyfriends making comments about parts

510
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 1: of our bodies and carrying it with you for so long,

511
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:58,400
Speaker 1: and what that does to our self esteem and self worth. Absolutely,

512
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,320
Speaker 1: and if you take that, which is I think the

513
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:04,480
Speaker 1: most painful, because you know, you're at your most vulnerable

514
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:06,920
Speaker 1: when you're in an intimate relationship with somebody, and if

515
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:13,240
Speaker 1: they take that opportunity to hurt you even if they're joking,

516
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:17,879
Speaker 1: it cuts so deep in that context. And yeah, it's funny,

517
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:19,840
Speaker 1: Like I've had stuff that stayed with me for a

518
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:22,880
Speaker 1: really long time, like you little comments here and there,

519
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 1: and that's what I loved. Someone there's one expert in

520
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,439
Speaker 1: the show named Amina, and she does this exercise with

521
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:32,879
Speaker 1: this woman where she disrobes and she kind of just

522
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:36,840
Speaker 1: like looks at her body naked, and it's this exercise

523
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:40,960
Speaker 1: and acceptance. I thought it was really powerful because I

524
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,680
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, you know the way that

525
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:47,280
Speaker 1: we look at our bodies through this insane under a

526
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:50,360
Speaker 1: microscopic lens of everything that's wrong, and I was like,

527
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,919
Speaker 1: we have got to stop doing that. It's so I

528
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:56,000
Speaker 1: think it hurts us in so many ways, you know.

529
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:58,800
Speaker 1: I think it it affects how you can report yourself

530
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:01,080
Speaker 1: in the world, how you relate to herself sexually. It's

531
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,159
Speaker 1: like and then you know, you take something like that,

532
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:05,439
Speaker 1: and then you take social media and how we're all

533
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:07,399
Speaker 1: supposed to look and it's like, by the end of

534
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:10,640
Speaker 1: the day, how can you feel good about yourself? Right?

535
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:12,720
Speaker 1: I said this gun last week's podcast, but I was

536
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:15,240
Speaker 1: talking about Joe my my lover, and I was saying

537
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:17,040
Speaker 1: how I was. I was in my Orka and I

538
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:18,680
Speaker 1: was looking at my arms like, go oh, honey, I

539
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:20,639
Speaker 1: think I have like cellulate on my arm. Now what

540
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:23,399
Speaker 1: is going on? And he said, honey, cellulate is the

541
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:25,639
Speaker 1: sexiest thing in the world. That's what makes a woman

542
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:27,760
Speaker 1: a woman. And I'm like, oh my god, I have

543
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:31,520
Speaker 1: to write that fucking down. I mean, every woman needs

544
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:34,679
Speaker 1: to hear that. That is what makes a woman a woman.

545
00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 1: On that note, yeah, thank you. On that note, Let's

546
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,520
Speaker 1: take some callers Gwyne's So what people are gonna call

547
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:43,960
Speaker 1: in ask us some questions. We're going to give our

548
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:47,720
Speaker 1: best advice to them and help them. This is the best.

549
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,520
Speaker 1: It's such a fun podcast. I love it well. Our

550
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:55,479
Speaker 1: first question comes from mel in Vancouver. She's thirty four.

551
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:59,120
Speaker 1: She says, Dear Chelsea, I've been dating a tall, dark

552
00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:01,520
Speaker 1: and handsome attawel I in Man for almost two years.

553
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:04,880
Speaker 1: He's forty nine and I'm thirty four. Everything about him

554
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:07,920
Speaker 1: is great except one giant problem. I feel like he's

555
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:11,360
Speaker 1: the child I never wanted. He doesn't do anything for himself.

556
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:13,720
Speaker 1: If I wasn't in his life, he would never do

557
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,000
Speaker 1: laundry or cook a meal and because of this, our

558
00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:18,920
Speaker 1: sex life is non existent. In the beginning, it was okay,

559
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:22,680
Speaker 1: and now nothing. He's financially stable, has two great kids,

560
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:24,879
Speaker 1: and wants all the same things I want out of life.

561
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 1: But if he can't start taking care of me in

562
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,919
Speaker 1: the ways I need sexually and emotionally, I think I

563
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:33,320
Speaker 1: need to leave. I would say I would agree with that.

564
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:37,040
Speaker 1: You're not his housekeeper. I mean that isn't fun or hot,

565
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 1: so so I mean you that's going to take care

566
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:43,640
Speaker 1: of itself anyway, because as long as somebody's not turning

567
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:45,520
Speaker 1: you on or looking after you in a way that

568
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:48,880
Speaker 1: makes you feel cared for, you're gonna lose your boner

569
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:52,160
Speaker 1: for that relationship, right. And I felt like this question

570
00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:55,120
Speaker 1: was so similar to Rama and felicitas who are in

571
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:58,320
Speaker 1: sex love and Goup, where he was blindsided when she

572
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:00,080
Speaker 1: all of a sudden was like, you know what, I

573
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 1: think I want a divorce and he didn't know anything

574
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:05,719
Speaker 1: was wrong, but they had this dynamic where he was

575
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:08,840
Speaker 1: childlike and she would sort of condescend to him, but

576
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:13,880
Speaker 1: he needed so much from her. It was just very uneven. Yeah, yeah, no,

577
00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:17,920
Speaker 1: reciproc I would say, she's not she's not married. And

578
00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:21,520
Speaker 1: they don't have kids. It's like the old adage when

579
00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:23,959
Speaker 1: someone shows you who they are, believe them. It's like

580
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:26,440
Speaker 1: he's not going to all of a sudden one day

581
00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:30,040
Speaker 1: start taking care of himself and her And right, I mean,

582
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:32,760
Speaker 1: I don't. I think it's unless I don't know if

583
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:36,120
Speaker 1: they've exhausted all possibilities and if they've had therapy and

584
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:39,760
Speaker 1: stuff like that. But that sounds like he needs to

585
00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:43,240
Speaker 1: to resolve some things, needs to resolve some things. And yeah,

586
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:46,200
Speaker 1: obviously you want to explore the idea of talking to

587
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:49,120
Speaker 1: a professional who can help him understand that that's not

588
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:52,160
Speaker 1: a contributing factor to a great sex life or to

589
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:55,600
Speaker 1: a long term relationship because you're playing a motherly role

590
00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:59,240
Speaker 1: and while that's fine in moments, it's not fine as

591
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:02,520
Speaker 1: your entire a relationship. That's not your role. If you

592
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:05,440
Speaker 1: haven't gone to therapy, please try that first so that

593
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:07,360
Speaker 1: he can become a little bit more self aware, because

594
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 1: maybe he just doesn't understand and the only relationships he's

595
00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 1: been in were with his mother and then possibly a

596
00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:15,680
Speaker 1: wife who did that for him. So you have to

597
00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:19,200
Speaker 1: make it clear that this situation is something that you're

598
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:22,719
Speaker 1: not going to be on board with and then you know,

599
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:25,480
Speaker 1: everyone is capable of change at a certain point in

600
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:27,640
Speaker 1: their lives, and love will do that to you. It

601
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:30,880
Speaker 1: will make you want to change. So I wouldn't say

602
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:33,000
Speaker 1: that there's no hope for him. I would just say

603
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:35,480
Speaker 1: make sure that you find out quickly whether there is

604
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:38,600
Speaker 1: or not. Chelsea's more optimistic than I when it seems

605
00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:42,240
Speaker 1: down about that. Sorry, yeah, sorry, color anyway, good luck

606
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 1: and report back. Let us know what happens. Yes, yes, please.

607
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:50,560
Speaker 1: Our next question comes from Rose. She is a pharmacist.

608
00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:55,120
Speaker 1: I'm a Pharmacist's funny. I'm actually a pharmacological into it,

609
00:30:55,520 --> 00:31:01,600
Speaker 1: so that's that's different. Now. She was potentially going to

610
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 1: come and call in and talk to us, but her

611
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:07,680
Speaker 1: almost husband decided that he did not want her to

612
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 1: do that. I actually asked him to join as well,

613
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:11,800
Speaker 1: because I thought this would be a really beneficial conversation

614
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:14,120
Speaker 1: to have with the two of them. But here's her issue.

615
00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:18,160
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, my husband. They're getting married this week. Actually,

616
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:21,400
Speaker 1: my husband has always played lots of video games, but

617
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:23,440
Speaker 1: he's turning thirty this year, and I think it's time

618
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:26,440
Speaker 1: he shifted his priorities. He's been in dead end jobs

619
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:28,480
Speaker 1: for the last ten years and keep saying he'll go

620
00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:31,000
Speaker 1: back to school or learn new skills. I have a

621
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,840
Speaker 1: doctorate degree in a stable job. However, when it comes

622
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 1: to taking action, he devotes almost eight to ten hours

623
00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:40,080
Speaker 1: a day to playing video games. I feel guilty making

624
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:42,520
Speaker 1: him spend time with me, and even when we spend

625
00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:45,120
Speaker 1: time together, he's on his phone chatting or reading about

626
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:47,680
Speaker 1: video games. How do I get him to focus on

627
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:50,920
Speaker 1: our future? More? Rows Gwyneth, Why don't you take the

628
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:53,560
Speaker 1: lead on this? I mean, I think that he's using

629
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:59,440
Speaker 1: video games as as an excuse to avoid life and

630
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 1: looking it himself, and intimacy and and just about everything

631
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:07,480
Speaker 1: Like this is a real red flag. I mean I

632
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:11,959
Speaker 1: would somebody who is disengaging to this point and not

633
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:15,680
Speaker 1: meeting their partner's needs to this point, and choosing not

634
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:18,600
Speaker 1: to be in a partnership over a video game. I

635
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:22,600
Speaker 1: I personally think like if they're about to get married,

636
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:27,160
Speaker 1: I would crash in an emergency therapy session. Yeah. I

637
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:29,800
Speaker 1: would also like to say that not only is that

638
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:32,800
Speaker 1: this is several red flags. Eight to nine hours a

639
00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:37,040
Speaker 1: day playing video games, It's an unacceptable way to spend

640
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:39,160
Speaker 1: your and where does he work? Like I don't understand

641
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 1: who has time to play eight to nine hours of

642
00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:42,920
Speaker 1: video games. I spoke with him. He's kind of like

643
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 1: a like a gig worker type of thing. Okay, well

644
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:47,800
Speaker 1: that's great, but he has to develop some other interests

645
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:51,200
Speaker 1: that involve his potential wife. And if they're getting married

646
00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:54,080
Speaker 1: this weekend, I mean, this is this is sad because no,

647
00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:56,240
Speaker 1: I don't think she should be getting married to somebody

648
00:32:56,240 --> 00:33:00,160
Speaker 1: this weekend who she feels guilty to ask to. She

649
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:02,760
Speaker 1: feels guilty when she asked him to spend time with her.

650
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:06,240
Speaker 1: Is heartbreaking. You should never feel that way about your partner,

651
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:11,360
Speaker 1: and certainly not over video games. But there's an addiction here, right,

652
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:14,640
Speaker 1: This is not just like I'm playing video games he is.

653
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:19,680
Speaker 1: There's an addiction issue for sure, and people use addictive

654
00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:23,040
Speaker 1: behavior as a way to enops the ties bad or

655
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:25,720
Speaker 1: sad or hard feelings. Like he needs to go and

656
00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:29,240
Speaker 1: look at what he's trying to avoid feeling. Yeah, and

657
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:31,120
Speaker 1: he's probably not going to be very open to that

658
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:34,680
Speaker 1: conversation in his current state. So I mean, I would

659
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:37,200
Speaker 1: hate to say something as dramatic as postponing the marriage,

660
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:39,840
Speaker 1: but I mean, in my my instinct tells me that

661
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:42,840
Speaker 1: that's exactly what you should do, because it sounds like

662
00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 1: you're going to be making a grave mistake without holding

663
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 1: his feet to the fire before you marry him, and

664
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:52,400
Speaker 1: allowing this behavior and moving into a marriage while he's

665
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:56,520
Speaker 1: doing this is sanctioning that behavior and letting him think

666
00:33:56,560 --> 00:34:00,160
Speaker 1: that that's okay. So what is her name? Rose? Was?

667
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:03,120
Speaker 1: I really I'm sorry that you're dealing with this and

668
00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:04,920
Speaker 1: going through this, but I just want to tell you

669
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:08,480
Speaker 1: it's not acceptable as a woman to another woman. This

670
00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 1: is not acceptable and you deserve a lot more. And

671
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:14,800
Speaker 1: when you hold hired standards, somebody will meet you there.

672
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:18,640
Speaker 1: My parents always said that quality time comes with a

673
00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:21,479
Speaker 1: quantity of time, So you don't get that quality time

674
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:23,560
Speaker 1: just by like picking a time for quality time. It

675
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:25,920
Speaker 1: happens when you have a longer period of time with

676
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:28,920
Speaker 1: someone and you get those special moments. And this just

677
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 1: leaves me thinking, how do they have any level of

678
00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 1: intimacy when there's really no time in his life for her? Like,

679
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:38,880
Speaker 1: how do you keep an intimate relationship with that emotionally

680
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:43,239
Speaker 1: or sexually at all. Yeah, it's funny that you say that,

681
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:45,399
Speaker 1: because I was I was talking to my friend about

682
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:48,400
Speaker 1: you know, ex husbands and divorced dads, and how they

683
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:50,200
Speaker 1: come in hot, you know, on the weekend, and they

684
00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:52,560
Speaker 1: want to make that time count, and it's like, you

685
00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:54,759
Speaker 1: can't just do that. It doesn't work that way. You

686
00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:57,000
Speaker 1: can't pop in and out like a pop up. It

687
00:34:57,040 --> 00:35:00,279
Speaker 1: has to be prolonged periods of time lead to those

688
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:04,080
Speaker 1: special special exactly what you said, and you said it beautifully,

689
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:08,399
Speaker 1: so I'll try not to butcher it any further. Fuck Well,

690
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:13,120
Speaker 1: our next question, we do have a caller. This is Teresa.

691
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:16,719
Speaker 1: Teresa says, Dear Chelsea, I'm twenty six and in my

692
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:20,800
Speaker 1: first real relationship. My boyfriend treats me right. He's so kind,

693
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 1: funny and thoughtful, respectful and smart. I could really see

694
00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:27,360
Speaker 1: him being the one. The only issue is, for the

695
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:30,400
Speaker 1: past three months, nearly every time we try to have sex,

696
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:33,520
Speaker 1: he goes soft right before we can actually have sex.

697
00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 1: I will say, he's extremely talented in other arenas, so

698
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:40,520
Speaker 1: much so that it hasn't really bothered me that we

699
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:43,960
Speaker 1: haven't fully had sex, But he gets super worked up

700
00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:46,480
Speaker 1: and in his head about it, which just makes things worse.

701
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:49,279
Speaker 1: He lost a ton of weight during quarantine, and his

702
00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:52,279
Speaker 1: body image issues are definitely contributing to the whole thing.

703
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:55,200
Speaker 1: I just don't know how to help without embarrassing him

704
00:35:55,360 --> 00:36:00,359
Speaker 1: or making things worse. What do I do? Teresa? Hi, Teresa, Hi,

705
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:02,719
Speaker 1: so nice to meet you. Thank you for having me.

706
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:06,719
Speaker 1: Hi Teresa, Hi, great to meet you. Nice to meet

707
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:09,720
Speaker 1: you too. This might be obvious, but has he tried

708
00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:12,719
Speaker 1: by agra or something like that? So he hasn't, And

709
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:14,359
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out the best way to kind

710
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 1: of bring it up without it damaging his self esteem

711
00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:19,800
Speaker 1: more because I know it's a very like tricky topic,

712
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:22,160
Speaker 1: especially for guys. So I'm trying to figure out kind

713
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:25,880
Speaker 1: of like the best way to have that conversation, and

714
00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:28,239
Speaker 1: he would be open to it, I think. I mean,

715
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:31,960
Speaker 1: if he's feeling terrible about not being able to it

716
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:35,400
Speaker 1: feels to me like it's a pretty easy conversation to

717
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 1: have from that place, right, like, Hey, this is happening,

718
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:42,080
Speaker 1: I can see how upset you are. Why don't we

719
00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:44,920
Speaker 1: give this a try? Like what's the worst it can happen? Yeah,

720
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:46,799
Speaker 1: And I've mentioned that I'm open to it and like

721
00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:49,400
Speaker 1: open to whatever he wants to try. I think he

722
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 1: just needs like the push to do it. Even though

723
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:55,160
Speaker 1: I've encouraged him to. So I don't know, does you

724
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:58,879
Speaker 1: have any trauma in his past? Like, does he has?

725
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:02,320
Speaker 1: He explored it all. This might be happening. He's mentioned

726
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:05,279
Speaker 1: just kind of general self esteem issues. So I think

727
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:07,800
Speaker 1: it's like since the first time when it didn't happen,

728
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 1: like he kept getting in his head about it and

729
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,680
Speaker 1: then it just got worse and worse. Oh, he needs

730
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 1: to break the cycle. He needs to pop a viagra,

731
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:19,440
Speaker 1: right right, guys, Yeah, you know this happens to so

732
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:21,480
Speaker 1: many people, by the way, just so you know, and

733
00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:24,719
Speaker 1: just so he knows. And I know you're protecting his

734
00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:26,360
Speaker 1: ego and you want to be careful with him, but

735
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:28,880
Speaker 1: you're a team, right, You're on his side, so it

736
00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be emasculating and it doesn't have to

737
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:34,640
Speaker 1: take his manhood away to be like, Okay, listen, we

738
00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:37,480
Speaker 1: have a slight issue. Let's figure it out. Everything is workable.

739
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:41,239
Speaker 1: You obviously love him, he loves you. And I once

740
00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:44,520
Speaker 1: got this shaky leg syndrome right where all of a sudden,

741
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:46,880
Speaker 1: my legs started shaking when I was on stage and

742
00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:48,680
Speaker 1: that had never happened to me. And I make a

743
00:37:48,719 --> 00:37:51,200
Speaker 1: living by standing on stage and talking so that was

744
00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:54,960
Speaker 1: a real problem for me, and I started taking beta

745
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:58,040
Speaker 1: blockers and they said, okay, take them for three weeks

746
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 1: and then you'll just change the neuropathway is the neural

747
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:03,080
Speaker 1: pathways in your brain, and you remember not to send

748
00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:05,319
Speaker 1: that signal to your brain that you're nervous and that

749
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:07,840
Speaker 1: your leg is shaking, and that's how it's presenting itself.

750
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:10,839
Speaker 1: And once I cut that out, like, I've never had

751
00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:14,239
Speaker 1: that problem again. This sounds analogous to that. Obviously it's

752
00:38:14,239 --> 00:38:16,160
Speaker 1: a separate issue, but it sounds kind of in the

753
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:21,040
Speaker 1: same ballpark. There's probably plentiful antidotes to this situation, whether

754
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:24,960
Speaker 1: it's viagra, whether it's therapy, whether it's him, you know,

755
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:27,600
Speaker 1: getting more comfortable with his body. I think the first

756
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:29,680
Speaker 1: and foremost, you just have to remind him in this

757
00:38:29,719 --> 00:38:32,879
Speaker 1: conversation that there's nothing to be embarrassed about when it's

758
00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:35,399
Speaker 1: concerning the two of you. You are a team. You

759
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:37,880
Speaker 1: love him, and you're gonna be with him, whether or

760
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:40,840
Speaker 1: not he could ever have sex again exactly. Yeah, it

761
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:42,920
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. If he's so great in other areas and

762
00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:45,759
Speaker 1: then it really doesn't matter. But he'll get past this

763
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:48,279
Speaker 1: and he just has to be willing to kind of

764
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 1: face it, because before you can get past anything, you

765
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:53,720
Speaker 1: have to face something. Yeah. I think he also doesn't

766
00:38:53,719 --> 00:38:55,759
Speaker 1: realize how common it is. I feel like guys that

767
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:58,200
Speaker 1: probably don't talk about it, like the same white girls

768
00:38:58,239 --> 00:39:00,799
Speaker 1: talk about things, Yeah, because why would they. Why would

769
00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:03,200
Speaker 1: a guy be like, hey, I lost my direction to

770
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:05,160
Speaker 1: last night. Can you believe like that's not something to

771
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:08,560
Speaker 1: brag about? You know, they're not on the SmartLess podcast

772
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:11,080
Speaker 1: with Will Arnett saying I got soft last night. No

773
00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:14,000
Speaker 1: one is bragging about that. So you have to be

774
00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:17,200
Speaker 1: sensitive to why men are, you know, are the way

775
00:39:17,239 --> 00:39:19,600
Speaker 1: they are, and they are so insecure about stuff. They

776
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:22,799
Speaker 1: don't talk to each other about that stuff ever ever,

777
00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:26,200
Speaker 1: So I think it's just being more of a ballast

778
00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:29,160
Speaker 1: of support. It's always just showing people that you're there

779
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,959
Speaker 1: for them when they're in their most insecure phases, which

780
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:34,399
Speaker 1: is what he's going through with his weight loss. That

781
00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:37,960
Speaker 1: shifts you know, your bio rhythm, your biology, all of

782
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 1: that stuff is affected. So I wouldn't even think about

783
00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:44,680
Speaker 1: this as a serious issue, and I wouldn't treat it

784
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:47,200
Speaker 1: as a serious issue. You know, it's just something you

785
00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:49,360
Speaker 1: guys are gonna deal with together and figure out a

786
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:52,239
Speaker 1: way through. Yeah, I agree, and that's how I've kind

787
00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:53,880
Speaker 1: of been treating it too. I think for him, he

788
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:55,920
Speaker 1: was worried about losing me over it, even though I've

789
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:58,480
Speaker 1: assured him a million times that, like, he's amazing and

790
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:01,440
Speaker 1: I love him and I wouldn't change anything else about him.

791
00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:05,200
Speaker 1: So I'm very happy. That's really sweet. And you know,

792
00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 1: we all have our things that make us holly imperfect, right,

793
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:14,920
Speaker 1: It's like we're all human beings, we all have problems,

794
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:17,319
Speaker 1: we all have stuff, and it's like if he's an

795
00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:20,440
Speaker 1: amazing human being and this is the thing, and you

796
00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:22,480
Speaker 1: feel like you can get past it. And by the way,

797
00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:25,480
Speaker 1: as Chelsea said, there is totally hope. That's amazing that

798
00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:28,480
Speaker 1: you're able to prioritize who he is as a person

799
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:31,279
Speaker 1: over everything else. And he's good at other things. So

800
00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:33,600
Speaker 1: I'm having a good time. Yeah, we got it, you

801
00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:35,160
Speaker 1: like when he goes down on you, we got it

802
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:38,640
Speaker 1: loud ready, we got it, And we're happy for you.

803
00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:42,600
Speaker 1: And he's lucky to have you. Yes, well, thank you,

804
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:45,320
Speaker 1: and Docoy is lucky to have you. I'm very happy

805
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:49,239
Speaker 1: for you, Chelsea. Thanks Teresa, thank you so much. It's

806
00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:54,759
Speaker 1: so nice. Thank you, thank you. Oh she's so cute. Yeah.

807
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:58,759
Speaker 1: This brings me back to like Darshana and Camille, who

808
00:40:58,880 --> 00:41:02,160
Speaker 1: were a nice lesbian cup ball on sex, Love and Goop.

809
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:05,640
Speaker 1: And what I thought was so interesting is that one

810
00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:09,120
Speaker 1: of them had issues with penetration, which you know, is

811
00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:12,640
Speaker 1: so similar to this situation. But it came back to

812
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:17,200
Speaker 1: that religious trauma that she had gone through, and the

813
00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 1: relaxation exercises they did, the like hands on sexual therapy

814
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:25,200
Speaker 1: that they did, really helped. But I mean it truly

815
00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:28,319
Speaker 1: for her was it was all in her head and

816
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:31,360
Speaker 1: getting past that really opened up so many new avenues

817
00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:34,000
Speaker 1: for them. And I think that's an important salient point

818
00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:37,000
Speaker 1: to drive home for this series for Gwyneth, because it

819
00:41:37,239 --> 00:41:42,000
Speaker 1: is we all, especially as women, are so in our

820
00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:46,400
Speaker 1: heads about how, you know, think about hooking up with

821
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:49,000
Speaker 1: somebody for the first time or getting to know somebody

822
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:51,080
Speaker 1: and thinking about the way that you present your body

823
00:41:51,239 --> 00:41:54,200
Speaker 1: or the positions you put yourself into be more flattering,

824
00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:57,480
Speaker 1: or you know, looking a certain way, or you know,

825
00:41:57,560 --> 00:42:01,080
Speaker 1: we all look a little bit ugly at times when

826
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:03,160
Speaker 1: we're having sex. We look a little silly, we look

827
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:06,160
Speaker 1: a little ridiculous, and instead of is showing that it's

828
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:09,279
Speaker 1: better to lean in and embrace it and understand that

829
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:11,600
Speaker 1: we are human beings. That we are going to look

830
00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:14,839
Speaker 1: silly with our legs behind our ears, you know, you know,

831
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:18,560
Speaker 1: but we are going to be in positions that are vulnerable,

832
00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:21,800
Speaker 1: that make us feel like, you know, oh my god,

833
00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:23,960
Speaker 1: where is he going to see my bellule? Fat? Is

834
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:27,399
Speaker 1: he gonna see my cellulite? And as woman, the more

835
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:30,400
Speaker 1: you embrace that, the more that you lean into it,

836
00:42:30,560 --> 00:42:39,279
Speaker 1: the more sexualized you become, and the more sexy sex becomes. Yep,

837
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:42,840
Speaker 1: did you just climax? It sounded like I mean, it

838
00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:45,680
Speaker 1: really makes me think of again my relationship with my

839
00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:48,400
Speaker 1: husband because, to put it quickly, he and I have

840
00:42:48,520 --> 00:42:51,239
Speaker 1: very different taste in women, and it took me a

841
00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:54,640
Speaker 1: long time to realize that, you know, I'm a curvy girl.

842
00:42:55,160 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 1: He doesn't like me despite my body type. He actually

843
00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:02,960
Speaker 1: likes me because of my body type. And honestly, Instagram

844
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:05,920
Speaker 1: really helped with that, following a lot of gorgeous women

845
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:08,400
Speaker 1: who look a lot like me and being like, wait,

846
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:12,600
Speaker 1: if she looks great in that bikini dress? Whatever. It

847
00:43:12,680 --> 00:43:14,719
Speaker 1: took a while, but I had to sort of recondition

848
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 1: my brain to finally realize, like, well, that's actually what

849
00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:20,520
Speaker 1: turns him on, that's what he's looking for in a partner.

850
00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:23,480
Speaker 1: And well, I know, Esther, you've said this to me before,

851
00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:25,640
Speaker 1: that Brad always likes you like eight pounds up. Because

852
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:28,359
Speaker 1: Esther always thinks she's eight pounds up or seven, it's

853
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:30,680
Speaker 1: seven or eight. She's always like, I'm eight pounds heavier

854
00:43:30,719 --> 00:43:32,920
Speaker 1: than i'd like to be. And I'm always three pounds

855
00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:35,879
Speaker 1: heavier than I like to be. And my guy Joe

856
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:38,200
Speaker 1: is always like, I like put more weight on. He's like,

857
00:43:38,239 --> 00:43:40,319
Speaker 1: I like a little extra meat on you. And I

858
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:43,000
Speaker 1: know Brad likes I'm Gwinnett too, He's like, I like that,

859
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:46,160
Speaker 1: you know, bulk up. That seems to be a theme

860
00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:49,400
Speaker 1: here because my doesnt. So. I think what we think.

861
00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:52,840
Speaker 1: You know, we're always presenting ourselves almost for other women,

862
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:56,240
Speaker 1: not for our men, because if if they had their druthers,

863
00:43:56,320 --> 00:43:58,479
Speaker 1: we would all be a little beefier. They want something

864
00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:00,799
Speaker 1: to hold onto, They like a little junk in our trunk,

865
00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:03,880
Speaker 1: wouldn't you agree, Esther? I think that's absolutely right. I

866
00:44:03,920 --> 00:44:06,839
Speaker 1: think that we as women look in the mirror like

867
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:09,000
Speaker 1: we have I don't know how we arrived at this

868
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:12,080
Speaker 1: ridiculous idea or number or whatever. But we're like, oh,

869
00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:16,520
Speaker 1: I like myself at X weight. And as you were saying,

870
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:20,600
Speaker 1: like we need to, I think just expand you know,

871
00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:23,240
Speaker 1: instead of looking at at things through a punitive lens,

872
00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:25,080
Speaker 1: like I'm not where I want to be, I don't

873
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:27,600
Speaker 1: look my best. It's like, what if we just like

874
00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:30,279
Speaker 1: relax a little bit and open the spectrum of like

875
00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:33,680
Speaker 1: what was beautiful for us? And because I do think

876
00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:36,520
Speaker 1: a lot of a lot of men, you know, like us.

877
00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:38,799
Speaker 1: However we come that day, you know what I mean.

878
00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:41,880
Speaker 1: They're far more accepting of us than we are of

879
00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:45,040
Speaker 1: our own bodies, I know. And and it's funny that

880
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:48,600
Speaker 1: we hold you know, there is a new new movement

881
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:50,880
Speaker 1: that's been happening for the last couple of years with

882
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:54,319
Speaker 1: people like Ashley Graham who are so body positive and

883
00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:57,319
Speaker 1: who is a professional model who's showing all of the

884
00:44:57,320 --> 00:44:59,719
Speaker 1: flaws that we have on our body and showing the

885
00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:03,759
Speaker 1: b uty of cellulite, of pregnancy, of all of you know,

886
00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:06,279
Speaker 1: the gorgeousness that is involved in that. And I think

887
00:45:06,320 --> 00:45:10,360
Speaker 1: there's a new phase of body consciousness that people understand.

888
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:13,000
Speaker 1: You know, every type is sexy, and it sounds it

889
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:14,960
Speaker 1: can sound like a bunch of horseship, But it's like

890
00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:18,359
Speaker 1: when you really talk to people who are living in

891
00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:21,360
Speaker 1: their bodies, and I know you you are always living

892
00:45:21,360 --> 00:45:23,840
Speaker 1: in your body because you're always doing something to help yourself.

893
00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:25,920
Speaker 1: Are you still not? I saw got this summer and

894
00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:28,719
Speaker 1: she hadn't had a drink in like seven months, and

895
00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:31,400
Speaker 1: that may be sad. I just oh, by the way, Ester,

896
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:34,279
Speaker 1: I just finished a thirty day alcohol cleans. Can you

897
00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:36,799
Speaker 1: dig it? She fs She's about to finish a three

898
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:41,640
Speaker 1: hundred and sixty five day alcohol less Oh my god,

899
00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:44,239
Speaker 1: it's been Yeah, it's been a long year of no

900
00:45:44,680 --> 00:45:47,080
Speaker 1: barely any alcohol. I mean I've had a sip here

901
00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:49,560
Speaker 1: and there, but very well. But how is that affecting you?

902
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:51,719
Speaker 1: Are you happy about that? Do you feel great? Or

903
00:45:51,719 --> 00:45:55,400
Speaker 1: do you feel you know me? I love a drink

904
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:57,799
Speaker 1: and I love the ritual of it, and I love

905
00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:01,279
Speaker 1: to sit down and have one and chat. And I

906
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:04,800
Speaker 1: love the taste of alcohol, like I'm I love whiskey

907
00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:07,960
Speaker 1: and wine and whatever vodka like I'll take it all.

908
00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:11,799
Speaker 1: But I think what happened was it was it was

909
00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:15,080
Speaker 1: just you know, having gotten COVID and having felt like Ship,

910
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:18,240
Speaker 1: but like having had long COVID stuff for a while,

911
00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:21,800
Speaker 1: and I just wasn't I just didn't feel vibrant. I

912
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:26,160
Speaker 1: didn't feel good, and I had really high inflammation levels.

913
00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:27,920
Speaker 1: And the doctor was like, look, you really need to

914
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:30,279
Speaker 1: clean up your act, like you gotta at least for

915
00:46:30,360 --> 00:46:33,880
Speaker 1: three months, no alcohol, no grains, no sugar, you know,

916
00:46:33,960 --> 00:46:38,080
Speaker 1: nothing processed, everything like that, and so I kind of

917
00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:40,839
Speaker 1: begrudgingly did it, and then I just started to feel

918
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 1: so good. And I don't know, I'm not going to

919
00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 1: do it forever. But I think has been about like

920
00:46:48,719 --> 00:46:52,359
Speaker 1: me trying to value my health and wellness a little

921
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:55,120
Speaker 1: bit more, because especially during COVID, I was just like

922
00:46:55,200 --> 00:47:00,520
Speaker 1: eating whatever, drinking you know, seven nights a week. And

923
00:47:01,520 --> 00:47:04,960
Speaker 1: it's been really interesting and I like, I sleep so

924
00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:08,400
Speaker 1: much better with no alcohol. It's wild, like I have

925
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:11,839
Speaker 1: this orr ring and it tracks like your heart rate

926
00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:13,799
Speaker 1: and how will you sleep? And it's like if I

927
00:47:13,840 --> 00:47:17,080
Speaker 1: have two SIPs of wine, like on Saturday night with

928
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:19,480
Speaker 1: someone's birthday and I toasted and I had two SIPs

929
00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:22,520
Speaker 1: of wine and like I slept like ship. So I

930
00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:24,920
Speaker 1: don't know, we'll see, Yeah, I know, that's what I thought.

931
00:47:24,960 --> 00:47:26,440
Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, I'm gonna do thirty days of

932
00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:28,160
Speaker 1: no alcohol, and I was like, oh no, what if

933
00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:30,400
Speaker 1: I become one of those sober people because people always

934
00:47:30,400 --> 00:47:32,040
Speaker 1: go I did thirty days and I felt so good,

935
00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:33,520
Speaker 1: so I did it sixties. So I made sure a

936
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:36,279
Speaker 1: day thirty. I'm like, get me an apriall spirits right stack,

937
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 1: because I don't want to be sober, but thank God

938
00:47:38,719 --> 00:47:41,600
Speaker 1: because you not drinking. It's like, I don't even know

939
00:47:41,640 --> 00:47:46,040
Speaker 1: what that means. Our last question comes from Sydney, and

940
00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:48,360
Speaker 1: this ties right into some of the things you have

941
00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:51,319
Speaker 1: going on at group right now, Gwyneth Dear Chelsea. I'm

942
00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:53,719
Speaker 1: twenty four years old and I haven't had sex in

943
00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:56,440
Speaker 1: three years. I'd be totally fine with that if I

944
00:47:56,520 --> 00:47:59,279
Speaker 1: knew how to masturbate, but I don't, nor have I

945
00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:03,120
Speaker 1: ever had an orgasm. My parents were open and encouraging

946
00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:05,520
Speaker 1: when it came to our sexuality, but for some reason,

947
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:08,640
Speaker 1: I've never been able to overcome the mental hurdles. I

948
00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:11,720
Speaker 1: would try the casual hook up, but I'm terrible at dating,

949
00:48:11,719 --> 00:48:14,160
Speaker 1: and my last sexual encounter was a bit traumatic and

950
00:48:14,200 --> 00:48:16,680
Speaker 1: has taken me a lot of time to process. At

951
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:18,680
Speaker 1: this point, the most stimulation I get is from that

952
00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:22,080
Speaker 1: cheesy show Sex Life. What do I do? Thank you? Sydney?

953
00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:25,680
Speaker 1: What do you think esther? First of all, I think

954
00:48:25,680 --> 00:48:31,320
Speaker 1: there's a lot of pressure around orgasm and dating, and Gio,

955
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 1: who is one of the experts on the show, kind

956
00:48:33,239 --> 00:48:35,960
Speaker 1: of talks about a spectrum of orgasms and a spectrum

957
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:38,359
Speaker 1: of pleasure and that sometimes you know, we have this

958
00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:41,640
Speaker 1: in our mind. It's like this high stake situation and

959
00:48:41,719 --> 00:48:43,480
Speaker 1: are we going to be able to orgasm or not?

960
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:48,080
Speaker 1: And I think if Sydney starts to just explore what

961
00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:50,440
Speaker 1: feels good to her, you know, it doesn't have to

962
00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:54,719
Speaker 1: be straight to the genitals. It's like, what is she like?

963
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:57,960
Speaker 1: What feels good like? You know? She I think she

964
00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:01,239
Speaker 1: should try to understand her body. And he's totally accepting

965
00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:04,799
Speaker 1: of what feels right to her and what turns her on.

966
00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:07,040
Speaker 1: You know, think of the things that turn you on.

967
00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:11,400
Speaker 1: For a total beginner like that, would you recommend a

968
00:49:11,800 --> 00:49:14,279
Speaker 1: like a toy like a vibrator or just kind of

969
00:49:14,320 --> 00:49:17,399
Speaker 1: experimenting on her own. I think that a vibrator can't hurt,

970
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:20,120
Speaker 1: because it's good to just explore what you know, what

971
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:22,520
Speaker 1: your options are, and see what's out there. I mean,

972
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:25,560
Speaker 1: vibrators are popular for a reason. You know, a lot

973
00:49:25,600 --> 00:49:27,720
Speaker 1: of women get a lot of pleasure from that. People

974
00:49:27,719 --> 00:49:30,680
Speaker 1: have very sensitive nipples, people have very sensitive backs of

975
00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:33,680
Speaker 1: their neck, people have, you know, sensitive areas. You kind

976
00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:36,239
Speaker 1: of have to find out what your zone is, you know,

977
00:49:36,600 --> 00:49:39,440
Speaker 1: where you feel like you're being turned on. What do

978
00:49:39,480 --> 00:49:41,640
Speaker 1: you see that turns you on? Is it a man,

979
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:44,000
Speaker 1: is it a woman? Is it gay porn? Is it

980
00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:47,400
Speaker 1: straight porn? Like is it porn? Is it a love story? Like?

981
00:49:47,680 --> 00:49:49,839
Speaker 1: You just have to find out where, like you know,

982
00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:54,000
Speaker 1: your orogenous zones are a and what kind of makes

983
00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:56,799
Speaker 1: you get those feelings is a good place to start.

984
00:49:56,880 --> 00:50:00,360
Speaker 1: And she did mention that she had trauma in her past,

985
00:50:00,480 --> 00:50:04,479
Speaker 1: and that is obviously something that needs to be explored

986
00:50:04,640 --> 00:50:08,120
Speaker 1: and then extinguished for her to feel free enough sexually,

987
00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:12,040
Speaker 1: to relax enough to find out what does give her pleasure,

988
00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:15,239
Speaker 1: because there is a relaxing component that you need to have.

989
00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:17,480
Speaker 1: It's like when you hook up with somebody in the beginning.

990
00:50:17,760 --> 00:50:20,640
Speaker 1: I know for myself it was very hard to have

991
00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:26,240
Speaker 1: sex with people I didn't have relationships with and allow

992
00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:29,720
Speaker 1: and and and and come to orgasm like I wouldn't

993
00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:32,239
Speaker 1: feel comfortable enough. I could have sex with them, but

994
00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:35,000
Speaker 1: I wasn't going to relax enough and show them the way.

995
00:50:35,040 --> 00:50:36,680
Speaker 1: And this is what I like, and I want you

996
00:50:36,719 --> 00:50:39,400
Speaker 1: to do this to my boob or we know whatever.

997
00:50:39,560 --> 00:50:41,960
Speaker 1: Like I don't feel comfortable. I didn't feel comfortable enough

998
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,360
Speaker 1: with somebody to do that. So you do have to

999
00:50:44,440 --> 00:50:48,000
Speaker 1: relax and have an understanding of your own body and

1000
00:50:48,080 --> 00:50:51,719
Speaker 1: a comfort level. And if there is trauma that's unresolved,

1001
00:50:51,719 --> 00:50:55,200
Speaker 1: then that is going to contribute to that kind of stall.

1002
00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:58,319
Speaker 1: I agree with that. And after that, I think we

1003
00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:01,040
Speaker 1: can all go finger blast ourselves. Yeah, I mean that's

1004
00:51:01,080 --> 00:51:04,520
Speaker 1: the takeaway. Problem solved, as usual, problem solved. You've come

1005
00:51:04,520 --> 00:51:08,680
Speaker 1: to the best. I'm happy to send Sydney. Let's do that. Please,

1006
00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:11,520
Speaker 1: Let's send her. Let's make sure we record that. Let's

1007
00:51:11,560 --> 00:51:15,520
Speaker 1: send her, send her exactly. That's perfect. Gwyneth to the

1008
00:51:15,560 --> 00:51:20,760
Speaker 1: rescue as usual, Yes, usual, lament. I think we actually

1009
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:25,040
Speaker 1: should take a quick break. Oh, okay, we'll go to

1010
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:29,600
Speaker 1: some ads. So one thing we've been doing recently is

1011
00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:32,880
Speaker 1: our guests are actually asking Chelsea for advice. So, Gwyneth,

1012
00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:35,160
Speaker 1: is there anything that you'd like to ask Chelsea? Yes,

1013
00:51:35,239 --> 00:51:36,799
Speaker 1: this is my favorite part of the show, so I

1014
00:51:36,880 --> 00:51:39,240
Speaker 1: need you to take it very seriously. Esther, I would

1015
00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:43,919
Speaker 1: love to ask, what are the practices that you put

1016
00:51:43,960 --> 00:51:47,040
Speaker 1: in place to finally get over the hurdle of your

1017
00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:52,920
Speaker 1: intimacy stuff and really accept Joe wholeheartedly and deeply into

1018
00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:56,800
Speaker 1: your heart. Well, I spent a lot of time in therapy,

1019
00:51:57,320 --> 00:52:00,280
Speaker 1: like two years, and then I did it full attle

1020
00:52:00,320 --> 00:52:02,200
Speaker 1: because I didn't want to do it long term. I

1021
00:52:02,239 --> 00:52:03,960
Speaker 1: wanted to do it and get to the root of

1022
00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:07,080
Speaker 1: the matter, and of course I'll go back when issues arise,

1023
00:52:07,160 --> 00:52:08,879
Speaker 1: but I didn't want it to be a long term thing.

1024
00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:12,160
Speaker 1: And I remember somebody saying, you know, when you get healthy,

1025
00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:15,000
Speaker 1: you attract a healthy and I always thought, okay, what

1026
00:52:15,040 --> 00:52:16,920
Speaker 1: do I have to do to get healthy? And the

1027
00:52:16,960 --> 00:52:20,160
Speaker 1: first thing was really digging deep into, you know, discovering

1028
00:52:20,160 --> 00:52:22,279
Speaker 1: yourself and what your what your issues are, why you

1029
00:52:22,320 --> 00:52:24,520
Speaker 1: behave the way you do, why I had so many

1030
00:52:24,520 --> 00:52:28,680
Speaker 1: guardrails up and once you unpack that. If somebody had said, Okay,

1031
00:52:28,719 --> 00:52:30,640
Speaker 1: in six years you're gonna meet the love of your life,

1032
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:32,439
Speaker 1: I would be like, Okay, just blow my brains out.

1033
00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:34,840
Speaker 1: That's too long, you know. If somebody had set but

1034
00:52:34,880 --> 00:52:37,880
Speaker 1: that's really how long it took, because it's the practice

1035
00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:40,640
Speaker 1: of going to therapy. Then it's the practice of taking

1036
00:52:40,640 --> 00:52:44,239
Speaker 1: what you learned in therapy and absorbing it and then

1037
00:52:44,280 --> 00:52:47,080
Speaker 1: applying it to your life, which is a daily practice.

1038
00:52:47,200 --> 00:52:52,160
Speaker 1: And I now I'm just a much healthier, emotionally healthier person.

1039
00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:55,120
Speaker 1: I meditate every morning I used I meditate on my

1040
00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:59,920
Speaker 1: grounding Matt every morning. I am a positive light instead

1041
00:53:00,040 --> 00:53:02,920
Speaker 1: of I don't like if anyone is negative, or anyone

1042
00:53:03,040 --> 00:53:06,680
Speaker 1: is bitching or gossiping. I no longer have any frequency

1043
00:53:06,760 --> 00:53:09,319
Speaker 1: for that. I just immediately am turned off by that,

1044
00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:11,960
Speaker 1: and I walk in the other direction, and my habits

1045
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:14,600
Speaker 1: have changed. And when you are light and love, then

1046
00:53:14,719 --> 00:53:17,759
Speaker 1: it just bounces right back at you. And for me

1047
00:53:17,840 --> 00:53:20,160
Speaker 1: to see his light and love, which was around me

1048
00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:23,719
Speaker 1: for fifteen years in my face, I did not see it,

1049
00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:25,680
Speaker 1: and it was sitting right in front of me, and

1050
00:53:25,719 --> 00:53:27,319
Speaker 1: he wouldn't have it. And I go, I can't believe

1051
00:53:27,360 --> 00:53:29,560
Speaker 1: we've wasted fifteen years. He goes, Honey, we didn't waste

1052
00:53:29,560 --> 00:53:31,600
Speaker 1: fifteen years. He goes, this is the best it's ever

1053
00:53:31,640 --> 00:53:34,319
Speaker 1: gonna be. The timing is perfect. I could have been

1054
00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:36,000
Speaker 1: five more years, and I would have been happy to

1055
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:39,120
Speaker 1: have you then, like, so I just I mean, I

1056
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:41,120
Speaker 1: can't say it enough. Like when you do the work

1057
00:53:41,160 --> 00:53:44,080
Speaker 1: to make yourself the best version of yourself, which is

1058
00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:49,160
Speaker 1: an ongoing process as we all know, it attracts the best,

1059
00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:51,680
Speaker 1: and then you're able to see with a clearer lens

1060
00:53:51,719 --> 00:53:53,440
Speaker 1: all of the people, all of the things that you

1061
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:56,120
Speaker 1: were missing, like how green the trees are, you know,

1062
00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:58,200
Speaker 1: and how beautiful it is to walk on the beach,

1063
00:53:58,680 --> 00:54:00,520
Speaker 1: and all of the little things that I thought we're

1064
00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:03,719
Speaker 1: corny to think about or mentioned are beautiful to me now,

1065
00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:06,520
Speaker 1: you know. I look at the moon, I stare at it.

1066
00:54:06,600 --> 00:54:09,359
Speaker 1: I'm like, that is magnificent, you know. I look at

1067
00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:12,680
Speaker 1: the trees, I'm like, look at nature, Like everything is beautiful.

1068
00:54:13,040 --> 00:54:16,240
Speaker 1: So yeah, I feel very healed. Not like I'm fully

1069
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 1: cooked or done, but I feel like I'm in the

1070
00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:21,640
Speaker 1: process of healing. And being in love is the most

1071
00:54:21,680 --> 00:54:24,240
Speaker 1: healing thing I could have ever asked for. Oh my god,

1072
00:54:24,560 --> 00:54:29,280
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm crying. I'm so happy for you. Thanks honey,

1073
00:54:29,320 --> 00:54:31,880
Speaker 1: Thanks Esther. I'm so happy for you too. You have

1074
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:34,719
Speaker 1: that kind of love too. We've been praying for this

1075
00:54:34,840 --> 00:54:37,640
Speaker 1: for you for a long time. So I can't believe

1076
00:54:37,719 --> 00:54:41,000
Speaker 1: how beautiful that was. You're so sweet to be crying,

1077
00:54:41,440 --> 00:54:44,239
Speaker 1: Esther's crying everyone, and you're moving me. I love you.

1078
00:54:44,680 --> 00:54:47,840
Speaker 1: I love you, honey. I love you so much. And

1079
00:54:47,840 --> 00:54:49,560
Speaker 1: I'll be your neighbor in about a year once I'm

1080
00:54:49,600 --> 00:54:52,799
Speaker 1: done renovating my house. I can't wait to get you

1081
00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:57,080
Speaker 1: in the neighborhood. Exciting times, honey. Ladies, this was so wonderful.

1082
00:54:57,120 --> 00:54:59,520
Speaker 1: Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it. And

1083
00:54:59,760 --> 00:55:01,839
Speaker 1: every one can tune into sex love and Goop It's

1084
00:55:01,880 --> 00:55:05,080
Speaker 1: dreams today Netflix, watch it, watch it. You're gonna have

1085
00:55:05,200 --> 00:55:09,600
Speaker 1: four sex with your partners. Everybody is going to be healed.

1086
00:55:10,040 --> 00:55:14,520
Speaker 1: Thank you, Oh my god, thank you so much. By Okay,

1087
00:55:14,560 --> 00:55:17,480
Speaker 1: bye guys. Thanks Civilian, thank you, thank you. By