1 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:09,240 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:12,240 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:16,840 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:25,599 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. 5 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:30,280 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever 6 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:32,360 Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is so great to 7 00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:35,680 Speaker 1: have you here. Back for another episode as we, of 8 00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:40,080 Speaker 1: course break down the psychology of our twenties. Today, we 9 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:44,319 Speaker 1: are talking about decision making, but not in a way 10 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:47,400 Speaker 1: that you expect. We're not talking about how we can 11 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:52,120 Speaker 1: make decisions, how we know that we're making the right decision. 12 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:53,680 Speaker 1: We're not going to talk about how to weigh up 13 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,920 Speaker 1: costs and benefits, how to have certainty in your decisions. 14 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:01,040 Speaker 1: We're actually going to talk about the aftermath of making 15 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:06,920 Speaker 1: a choice, where you realize, Hey, this actually isn't right 16 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:10,440 Speaker 1: for me, this actually isn't what I believe in, this 17 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:13,520 Speaker 1: actually isn't what I want for my life, and why 18 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:18,000 Speaker 1: it feels so hard in those moments to admit that 19 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:20,679 Speaker 1: we were wrong or I guess, to change our mind. 20 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:24,760 Speaker 1: I obviously on this podcast reflect so much on my 21 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:27,520 Speaker 1: own personal growth. If you've been here for a long time, 22 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:30,000 Speaker 1: You'll know that I started the Psychology of your Twenties 23 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:32,840 Speaker 1: basically as a way to kind of therapize myself and 24 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:38,160 Speaker 1: to kind of like interrogate, explore research like the stuff 25 00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,360 Speaker 1: that was going on in my own life and in 26 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:43,800 Speaker 1: my twenties. And a big thing that I am learning 27 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:50,720 Speaker 1: right now is exactly this. Changing your mind and having 28 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:53,640 Speaker 1: to tell people that or having to let people down 29 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:58,600 Speaker 1: is incredibly uncomfortable. It is also absolutely necessary, especially in 30 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:01,680 Speaker 1: this decade, and I have had to do this a lot. Recently. 31 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:04,040 Speaker 1: I had to turn down like a really big business 32 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,760 Speaker 1: opportunity that I really wanted to do but realized, like, 33 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,720 Speaker 1: you know, no, I'm not right for this, or it's 34 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 1: not the right time for me. I've changed my mind 35 00:02:11,639 --> 00:02:15,320 Speaker 1: on some of my political opinions recently. But what really 36 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:18,359 Speaker 1: inspired me to talk about this and what has made 37 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:21,440 Speaker 1: me realize why we need to talk about this more 38 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:25,359 Speaker 1: was a friend of mine who recently called off an engagement, 39 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:28,639 Speaker 1: and she's given me permission to talk about this. But basically, 40 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,800 Speaker 1: she knew when she said yes to her now ex fiance, 41 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,760 Speaker 1: like in the bottom of her heart, that this wasn't right, 42 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,560 Speaker 1: and she ignored it for months. They'd been together for 43 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:42,080 Speaker 1: four years, her whole family loved him, everyone said they 44 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:46,519 Speaker 1: were soulmates, but the relationship obviously looked very different from within, 45 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,040 Speaker 1: which you know, as a friend, you only really find 46 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,800 Speaker 1: out later on most of the time. And she was 47 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:54,840 Speaker 1: telling me in hindsight how she was going back and forth, 48 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:58,160 Speaker 1: kind of plagued with guilt, plagued with doubt, plagued with 49 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:01,240 Speaker 1: this fear of disappointing people, people who had kind of 50 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:03,679 Speaker 1: come to expect something from her in in a way, 51 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:07,080 Speaker 1: something from her relationship, and finally she just had to 52 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:12,160 Speaker 1: make the call. Obviously, in the aftermath, we've been talking 53 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:15,119 Speaker 1: a lot about not like how this happened, but yeah, 54 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:17,839 Speaker 1: how did this happen? How was it that she ended 55 00:03:17,919 --> 00:03:21,359 Speaker 1: up engaged to someone who she knew wasn't right for her? 56 00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:23,959 Speaker 1: And we've been talking a lot about this whole concept 57 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,240 Speaker 1: of having to admit to ourselves and having to admit 58 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:28,960 Speaker 1: to others that we have changed as a person, that 59 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,880 Speaker 1: we have changed our minds, and how if we talked 60 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:34,480 Speaker 1: about how truly normal this is, we would be saving 61 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:37,120 Speaker 1: people a lot of doubt, a lot of heartbreak, and 62 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:39,440 Speaker 1: a lot of kind of wasted time at the end 63 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,480 Speaker 1: of the day, if time can never be wasted. But 64 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:45,360 Speaker 1: that's another discussion, So to get into it, this is 65 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:49,080 Speaker 1: a quick summary of what we are going to discuss. First, 66 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:52,200 Speaker 1: I want to talk about why we resist changing our 67 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:55,200 Speaker 1: minds because of a fear of being judged, a fear 68 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:58,640 Speaker 1: of disappointing people, especially our parents. We're going to talk 69 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:04,280 Speaker 1: about sunk cost fowls and what it actually means and 70 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:08,520 Speaker 1: what it feels like and what comes after disappointment. Secondly, 71 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:11,480 Speaker 1: we're going to talk about the cost of staying loyal 72 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:15,920 Speaker 1: to old and outdated versions of ourselves and why actually 73 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:19,960 Speaker 1: being less afraid to say I was wrong, I made 74 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:23,080 Speaker 1: the wrong decision, this is not right for me, would 75 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:28,320 Speaker 1: actually counterintuitively allow us to make decisions easier and with 76 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:32,960 Speaker 1: a lot less anxiety. It's a big topic, guys, but honestly, 77 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,880 Speaker 1: I think there's a lot of clarity that comes with 78 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,719 Speaker 1: accepting this huge truth. You can't always make the right decision, 79 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:43,680 Speaker 1: but you cannot make a better one unless you have 80 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:47,360 Speaker 1: the courage to admit I was wrong, and so hopefully 81 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:51,159 Speaker 1: this episode gives you the courage. Without further ado, let's 82 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:54,400 Speaker 1: get into why it is okay, to change your mind 83 00:04:54,920 --> 00:05:02,200 Speaker 1: stay with us. So I know I've kind of framed 84 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:06,080 Speaker 1: this discussion as changing your mind about big decisions like 85 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,800 Speaker 1: an engagement or I don't know a job, But honestly, 86 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:12,360 Speaker 1: I think that this extends to just about anything. Changing 87 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:16,360 Speaker 1: your mind about your beliefs, your political opinions, the kind 88 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,400 Speaker 1: of people you want to surround yourself with, the kind 89 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,279 Speaker 1: of clothes you want to wear, where you want to live, 90 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,240 Speaker 1: who you want to be with, what kind of person 91 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:26,920 Speaker 1: you see yourself as Like, there are countless moments and 92 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:30,599 Speaker 1: folks in the road where we make choices and we 93 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,320 Speaker 1: change our mind about who we want to be, either 94 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:38,039 Speaker 1: consciously or unconsciously. None of these things are ever set 95 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:40,440 Speaker 1: in stone. Just because they were once important to you, 96 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,680 Speaker 1: or because you once claimed it was something that you 97 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,880 Speaker 1: believed in. You are allowed to change as a person 98 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:51,040 Speaker 1: when you really interrogate this as well. Oftentimes, some of 99 00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:53,559 Speaker 1: the core pillars of our identity that we feel most 100 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:57,680 Speaker 1: loyal to, some of our core opinions and beliefs, are 101 00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,800 Speaker 1: things that we first started to believe in at like 102 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:04,400 Speaker 1: eighteen or maybe even younger. It was often things that 103 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:07,840 Speaker 1: were influenced by family, influenced by the people around us, 104 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:14,120 Speaker 1: by our environments, and the influence of these factors kind 105 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:16,960 Speaker 1: of diminishes when we leave those spaces and the older 106 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:21,200 Speaker 1: we get, and we also importantly start to really independently 107 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:24,440 Speaker 1: rethink parts of our lives that we've kind of always 108 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:27,920 Speaker 1: just assumed, or we've kind of just taken for granted, 109 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:32,160 Speaker 1: or you know, decisions that we just felt were inevitable 110 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:35,480 Speaker 1: because someone had wanted them from us, someone had served 111 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 1: it up on a silver platter and said, this is 112 00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:41,799 Speaker 1: what we've chosen for you. Now, changing your mind about 113 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:48,520 Speaker 1: those things terrifying, scary, also a good thing. This is 114 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:53,280 Speaker 1: what we call individuation. It is an essential part of 115 00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:58,200 Speaker 1: our psychological development, whereby we separate from the collective or 116 00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:01,599 Speaker 1: the norms that have previously shaped us, so that we 117 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:05,000 Speaker 1: can carve out our own unique persona and unique identity. 118 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:08,080 Speaker 1: It is one of our goals, one of our missions 119 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:11,640 Speaker 1: as humans, to go through this phase in our life. 120 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:14,440 Speaker 1: If you want to move from child to adult and 121 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:18,320 Speaker 1: then from adult to individual, you have to go through 122 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:22,400 Speaker 1: this period maybe a couple of times. And people who 123 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:26,000 Speaker 1: don't do this, I think we all know one of them. 124 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:30,880 Speaker 1: They end up basically without an identity very miserable. And 125 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:34,080 Speaker 1: what this theory says is that they are incredibly malleable 126 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:38,160 Speaker 1: to others opinions, others' expectations, and they go through life 127 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:42,280 Speaker 1: never really figuring out who they are. That sounds pretty 128 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:47,840 Speaker 1: scary to me. Now, this word individuation very serious. Might 129 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:51,200 Speaker 1: sound like a very serious term, but you have, probably 130 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:54,080 Speaker 1: if you are in your twenties, already experienced this to 131 00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:57,040 Speaker 1: a degree, even if you're at like eighteen or younger. 132 00:07:57,160 --> 00:08:00,600 Speaker 1: That's when this really begins to take hold. It's when 133 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,280 Speaker 1: we decide, you know, hey, maybe I don't want to 134 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:06,720 Speaker 1: study law at university just because my parents expect me to. 135 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:11,200 Speaker 1: Maybe I don't fully believe my family's ultra conservative viewpoints. 136 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:13,840 Speaker 1: Maybe I don't like dressing this way. Maybe this is 137 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:17,160 Speaker 1: more my personal style. We realize, maybe I don't like 138 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:20,000 Speaker 1: being around these people. Maybe I don't like my hometown. 139 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,200 Speaker 1: Maybe I don't want to have kids. Maybe I do 140 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:25,000 Speaker 1: want to have kids. After saying that, you thought one 141 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 1: thing for a long time, and maybe now you feel 142 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:32,200 Speaker 1: differently about those matters. Our twenties are a period where 143 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:37,120 Speaker 1: we change our mind a whole lot, and we have 144 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:40,439 Speaker 1: a lot of these sort of what we would call epiphanies. 145 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:44,200 Speaker 1: These like come to moments where we're like, wait, what 146 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:47,880 Speaker 1: am I doing? Like I don't like this, I don't 147 00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:53,520 Speaker 1: believe this, I am not this. Firstly, it's because we 148 00:08:53,559 --> 00:08:57,880 Speaker 1: gain a lot of independence physically but also emotionally that secondly, 149 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:02,320 Speaker 1: we are undergoing rapid idea entity development and experimentation. You 150 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:07,480 Speaker 1: may find yourself wanting different things every three months, every year, 151 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:12,360 Speaker 1: every week. Maybe that's actually totally normal. You know, one 152 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:14,520 Speaker 1: day you might feel like, oh, I need to leave 153 00:09:14,559 --> 00:09:16,240 Speaker 1: this city and never come back. I'm going to move 154 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,640 Speaker 1: to Puerto Rico. I'm gonna move to London. And then 155 00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,680 Speaker 1: the next you're like, no, I'm going to find a 156 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,839 Speaker 1: really nice person and settle down, or I'm going to 157 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,360 Speaker 1: start a farm. And then the next you're thinking, I'm 158 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:27,839 Speaker 1: gonna go back to university and I'm going to learn 159 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:31,760 Speaker 1: a trade, and it's like a freaking cyclone in your 160 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:37,480 Speaker 1: mind of possibilities. That's amazing, that's actually exactly where you 161 00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:39,400 Speaker 1: should be. I don't know if anyone's ever told you this, 162 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:43,000 Speaker 1: but that is you're doing it right. You may have 163 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:48,439 Speaker 1: heard this idea that our brains aren't fully developed until 164 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:52,520 Speaker 1: twenty five I think that's a very famous, a famous 165 00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:56,800 Speaker 1: fact that is actually a myth that is actually not 166 00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:00,640 Speaker 1: entirely true, and there's actually no solid evidence for this. 167 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:04,840 Speaker 1: Our brains continue to develop across our lifespan. They actually 168 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:09,800 Speaker 1: peak in maturation anywhere between twenty to our early thirties. 169 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 1: Like it's a very broad and individual process. I think 170 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:16,000 Speaker 1: the reason we hear twenty five is because twenty five 171 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:20,120 Speaker 1: just sounds like a fun number. So our brains aren't 172 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,360 Speaker 1: fully developed at twenty five. But this is a period 173 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:25,839 Speaker 1: where we are doing a lot of fine tuning, especially 174 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:29,920 Speaker 1: in the prefrontal cortext which this place, this part of 175 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:33,640 Speaker 1: our brain, it governs planning, it governs decision making, it 176 00:10:33,679 --> 00:10:38,920 Speaker 1: governs things like impulse control. And so with this ongoing development, 177 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 1: that means that our sense of judgment, our priorities, our 178 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:45,600 Speaker 1: long term thinking is still under construction. It is still 179 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:49,440 Speaker 1: shifting constantly. And we also, just because of our age, 180 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,840 Speaker 1: have more doors open to us than we probably ever 181 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:55,800 Speaker 1: will in our teen years. You know, we are kind 182 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:58,960 Speaker 1: of limited by our age. We're kind of limited by 183 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:03,400 Speaker 1: our As we get older, we also become limited by 184 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,960 Speaker 1: past decisions that we made in our twenties. You know, 185 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:11,440 Speaker 1: the decision to have kids, the decision to settle down 186 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:14,800 Speaker 1: in a certain place, the decision to get a mortgage. 187 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:20,520 Speaker 1: So this is like the most perfect little space and 188 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:25,600 Speaker 1: like nugget of time where our choices are so abundant. 189 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:29,120 Speaker 1: We're young, we're hopefully healthy, and we're like a kid 190 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:31,480 Speaker 1: in a candy store rushing about being like, no, I 191 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:33,000 Speaker 1: want this one, Like no, I want this one. I 192 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,199 Speaker 1: want this life. I want this life. We can't choose. 193 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,760 Speaker 1: It's why we make plans for the future maybe like 194 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:41,800 Speaker 1: six months out and then like because we are changing 195 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:44,679 Speaker 1: so rapidly during this decade, by the time we get there, 196 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,640 Speaker 1: we've like already changed our minds. Again, that doesn't mean 197 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:51,240 Speaker 1: you were lying about that choice or that that wasn't 198 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:54,760 Speaker 1: a priority at some stage. It is literally just that 199 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:58,440 Speaker 1: the fact, like our the rate at which we are 200 00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:01,839 Speaker 1: changing as individuals outpaces the rate at which we can 201 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:05,320 Speaker 1: sometimes make decisions and follow through on them. It is 202 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:09,240 Speaker 1: literally that you become a different person psychologically. I think 203 00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:12,559 Speaker 1: in our twenties like every six months. And I think 204 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:15,600 Speaker 1: that's important. This is quite literally the definition of trial 205 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:18,400 Speaker 1: and error. And I've said it before, I will continue 206 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,040 Speaker 1: to say it. Life is not meant to be a 207 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:25,360 Speaker 1: recipe where step one naturally leads into step two and 208 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:27,880 Speaker 1: step three until you've made the dish you decided on 209 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:31,560 Speaker 1: at the beginning. It is a series of experiments, and 210 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:35,520 Speaker 1: even the experiments that don't work out, even the ones 211 00:12:35,559 --> 00:12:38,960 Speaker 1: that you change your mind about, have taught you something. 212 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:43,560 Speaker 1: I think in your twenties you live many many lives, 213 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:46,840 Speaker 1: or at least you should, and changing your mind. Being 214 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:49,679 Speaker 1: able to interpret what you want in a specific moment, 215 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:52,560 Speaker 1: even if that's different from what you wanted before, is 216 00:12:52,679 --> 00:12:55,839 Speaker 1: a really really important part of that. And it means 217 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,240 Speaker 1: that when you get to your thirties or your forties 218 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:01,800 Speaker 1: and you're ready to choose, you have as much information 219 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:05,559 Speaker 1: as you need to make the right choice. Now. These 220 00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:09,640 Speaker 1: decisions they often require action, though, or at the very 221 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:13,600 Speaker 1: least like some kind of vocalization. And this is where 222 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:17,400 Speaker 1: we find it hard to admit I have changed my mind. 223 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:21,080 Speaker 1: I'm not that person anymore, especially if we've already kind 224 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:25,920 Speaker 1: of started down the path. We think that just because 225 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,320 Speaker 1: we've said we are one thing, we must always be 226 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:31,360 Speaker 1: that thing. We must always believe in what we once 227 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:34,520 Speaker 1: did with conviction, We must always want what we claimed 228 00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:37,719 Speaker 1: we once wanted. Why do we think that? Why is that? 229 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:40,680 Speaker 1: Of course it's not one reason. It's never one reason. 230 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:45,079 Speaker 1: It's a multitude of reasons. I think we don't always 231 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:49,720 Speaker 1: want to admit we've changed our mind because there is 232 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 1: a great deal of cultural messaging to do with sticking 233 00:13:54,559 --> 00:13:59,600 Speaker 1: things out, not quitting, following through, finishing what you're started, 234 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:05,280 Speaker 1: being reliable, being trustworthy. The driver behind this is really 235 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:10,720 Speaker 1: other people's desire for continuity from us. They want us 236 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,880 Speaker 1: to be the same person that we were a year 237 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,240 Speaker 1: ago and a year before that so that they can 238 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:19,720 Speaker 1: understand us. And it's also this idea that you know, 239 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:23,880 Speaker 1: being a hard worker and having follow through gives you 240 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,640 Speaker 1: some kind of like moral superiority or means that you 241 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:30,280 Speaker 1: have a better kind of character. The problem with this 242 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:34,440 Speaker 1: framing is that, yes, making promises to other people and 243 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:38,880 Speaker 1: making promises to yourself and following through is amazing and 244 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:41,800 Speaker 1: should be something that you aspire to do. Not if 245 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:45,920 Speaker 1: though you don't actually want to do that thing. We 246 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:50,680 Speaker 1: frame this as a failure of willpower, that someone just 247 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:54,680 Speaker 1: didn't have what it take took or just wasn't committed enough, 248 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,920 Speaker 1: Rather than realizing that changing your mind about these things 249 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,720 Speaker 1: is actually a really natural de developmental process and a 250 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:05,160 Speaker 1: really important sign of growth. But I think that framing 251 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:07,720 Speaker 1: is why we feel a lot of shame around, you know, 252 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:10,280 Speaker 1: maybe quitting a degree that wasn't right for us, or 253 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:13,720 Speaker 1: stepping away from a venture, or ending a long term relationship, 254 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:16,920 Speaker 1: whatever it may be that we'd previously committed to, because 255 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:19,520 Speaker 1: we think it means we don't have follow through. We 256 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:23,000 Speaker 1: think that it signals that we are a quitter rather 257 00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:27,040 Speaker 1: than someone who is actually very very brave. This cultural conditioning, 258 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:32,160 Speaker 1: it is very powerful sometimes, you know, I often have 259 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,600 Speaker 1: this thought where I think, like, I wonder how many 260 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:39,280 Speaker 1: people are in loveless marriages, or are in careers they 261 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:42,640 Speaker 1: don't want, or stuck in cities they don't actually like, 262 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:46,000 Speaker 1: or because they don't want to be they don't want 263 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,480 Speaker 1: to be seen as quitting, or they don't want to 264 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:51,640 Speaker 1: be labeled as unreliable. And how wild is it that 265 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:57,160 Speaker 1: we have prioritized the opinions of some people that we 266 00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:00,920 Speaker 1: may not even know, or the opinions of people who 267 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:06,680 Speaker 1: don't actually have to live our life over our own desires, Like, 268 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:12,600 Speaker 1: it's really strange that we do that to ourselves. This 269 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,760 Speaker 1: kind of brings me to the next big factor, and 270 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 1: that is the fear of judgment, mainly the fear of 271 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:24,760 Speaker 1: disappointing people, as we just said, especially people who are 272 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,840 Speaker 1: close to us. For many of us in our twenties, 273 00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:32,320 Speaker 1: let's just say it, I think that's our parents. And 274 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:35,320 Speaker 1: our fear of disappointing our parents isn't one dimensional. It's 275 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:40,200 Speaker 1: actually very complex. The starters your parents may have placed 276 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:44,520 Speaker 1: a lot of expectation on you that ended up really 277 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,880 Speaker 1: controlling your life. I know this is particularly the experience 278 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:53,440 Speaker 1: for firstborns, for eldest daughters, the children of immigrants, for example, 279 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:56,800 Speaker 1: the children of high achievers. I'm not an immigrant, so 280 00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:59,760 Speaker 1: I can't directly speak to that experience, but it's something 281 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,600 Speaker 1: I can get a lot of DMS about. How can 282 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,320 Speaker 1: I let my parents down? How can I forge my 283 00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:08,160 Speaker 1: own path? How can I make them value my interests 284 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:09,719 Speaker 1: even if they aren't going to make a whole lot 285 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:12,960 Speaker 1: of money, when they have sacrificed so much to get 286 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,320 Speaker 1: me here, so much to get me to this place, 287 00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:18,360 Speaker 1: to raise me, to give me a better life. There 288 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,800 Speaker 1: was a twenty twenty study that found that the children 289 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:25,600 Speaker 1: of first generation immigrants often experience significantly more stress compared 290 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:28,320 Speaker 1: to their peers when it comes to meeting their parents' 291 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:32,399 Speaker 1: academic expectations. In fact, they often cite it as one 292 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:37,240 Speaker 1: of their main forms of academic motivation to please their parents, 293 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:42,560 Speaker 1: to live out their parents' dream. Compared to non immigrant children, 294 00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:45,399 Speaker 1: who say that often what motivates their study is a 295 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:49,600 Speaker 1: sense of personal achievement or some kind of personal goal, 296 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:54,199 Speaker 1: they worry a lot less about parental approval, especially again 297 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:59,280 Speaker 1: for firstborns. Imagine if you are a firstborn, first generation immigrant, 298 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,159 Speaker 1: Oh my god, the pressure and not let down your 299 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:05,520 Speaker 1: parents must be astounding. And birth order theory, whether you 300 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:08,520 Speaker 1: believe it or not, does hypothesize that if you are 301 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:12,800 Speaker 1: the firstborn child, the standard for you is higher, the 302 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:16,720 Speaker 1: expectations are greater. You are the example. You are being 303 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:20,280 Speaker 1: molded to eventually become the guide and the leader for 304 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:23,439 Speaker 1: the family. So stepping away from the dream your parents 305 00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:27,600 Speaker 1: have for you, that's going against decades in some cases, 306 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:30,520 Speaker 1: of validation and decades of training. You know, if you're 307 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:34,439 Speaker 1: twenty twenty one, twenty seven, whatever it is, that's like 308 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 1: twenty years that this is the information you have been 309 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:43,080 Speaker 1: receiving from those around you to please them, to impress them, 310 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:46,520 Speaker 1: to do what is best according to them. Here's the thing. 311 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:52,440 Speaker 1: You have two options here. You can keep up the facade. 312 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:55,440 Speaker 1: You can keep up with the expectations. You can keep 313 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:59,639 Speaker 1: up with what other people want from you. But that 314 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:03,879 Speaker 1: is a choice. You do have a choice. I'm going 315 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:07,640 Speaker 1: to give you some hard love here. At some stage, 316 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,600 Speaker 1: you have decided that this is what you were going 317 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:14,000 Speaker 1: to do, even if you didn't realize it. You have 318 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:18,520 Speaker 1: decided to suppress the deeper, individualized version of you. And 319 00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,480 Speaker 1: that might be because it is the right choice based 320 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:25,320 Speaker 1: on your priorities. If disappointing your parents or letting them 321 00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:28,160 Speaker 1: down is more serious to you than choosing your own path, 322 00:19:29,119 --> 00:19:32,040 Speaker 1: that's okay. You've made that choice. But I just want 323 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:34,440 Speaker 1: to remind you that changing your mind is also an option. 324 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:36,879 Speaker 1: It will take a whole lot of courage. But on 325 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:41,159 Speaker 1: the other side of disappointment is clarity and is growth. 326 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:45,320 Speaker 1: What's the saying you can't make You can't make an 327 00:19:45,359 --> 00:19:48,400 Speaker 1: omelet without breaking a few eggs. You also can't make 328 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,680 Speaker 1: a life without disappointing a few people who are perhaps 329 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,600 Speaker 1: expecting too much from you or vicariously living through you. 330 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:59,679 Speaker 1: It doesn't make you unkind. In fact, I think not 331 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:02,640 Speaker 1: just appointing others would actually mean you're truly being unkind 332 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:05,959 Speaker 1: to yourself. It's actually a profound form of honesty, and 333 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:09,920 Speaker 1: multiple studies, including a very famous one from the University 334 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:16,480 Speaker 1: of Chicago, find that actually being honest about your preferences, 335 00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,159 Speaker 1: being willing to say no or to say I've changed 336 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:23,480 Speaker 1: my mind, allows for more genuine happiness and almost I 337 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:27,040 Speaker 1: think the majority of the cases. Okay, we're going to 338 00:20:27,119 --> 00:20:30,720 Speaker 1: take a short break here, but when we return, we're 339 00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:33,520 Speaker 1: going to talk about some cost fallacy. We're also going 340 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:38,399 Speaker 1: to talk about why being okay with changing your mind 341 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:43,320 Speaker 1: actually means that you could make decisions faster and experience 342 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:47,720 Speaker 1: less analysis paralysis. So stick around. Will be right back 343 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:56,480 Speaker 1: after this short break. So before we talk about why 344 00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:58,760 Speaker 1: we should all be changing our minds a little bit 345 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:02,680 Speaker 1: more and why it's actually really great for psychological well 346 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:06,280 Speaker 1: being and for growth, let's talk about one final reason 347 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:09,959 Speaker 1: why we struggle to go back on decisions we previously 348 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:13,600 Speaker 1: felt were correct, and that final reason is the sunk 349 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,880 Speaker 1: cost fallacy. This is a very famous theory. You probably 350 00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:20,240 Speaker 1: know it by now, but just to summarize, the more 351 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:23,199 Speaker 1: we feel we have put into a decision we have 352 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,840 Speaker 1: put into a choice, we have put into a course 353 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:30,000 Speaker 1: of action relationship, job, city, hobby, even identity. The less 354 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:33,639 Speaker 1: we feel we can walk away because we believe we 355 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:37,560 Speaker 1: will lose all of that time, all of that money, effort, 356 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:41,800 Speaker 1: energy that we have invested that loss. We have a 357 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:44,840 Speaker 1: natural loss of version as humans, we don't want to 358 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,240 Speaker 1: lose things. We don't want to lose out on things 359 00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:52,159 Speaker 1: we've previously earned or given to something. It actually causes 360 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:55,960 Speaker 1: us to act really, really irrationally. And by irrationally, I 361 00:21:56,040 --> 00:22:00,360 Speaker 1: mean it causes us to actually act against our self interest. 362 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:04,880 Speaker 1: So let's talk about an experiment that shows this. So 363 00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:11,400 Speaker 1: this experiment went this way. These participants were I think 364 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,160 Speaker 1: that I don't know how many they were, It doesn't matter. 365 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:17,280 Speaker 1: These participants were given the opportunity to work for twenty dollars. 366 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,879 Speaker 1: They just had to do a series of tasks and 367 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:23,600 Speaker 1: if they did those tasks, they would get the twenty dollars. Now, 368 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:26,840 Speaker 1: after they had gotten the money, they were then given 369 00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:31,000 Speaker 1: a seventy five percent chance that they could make one 370 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:34,680 Speaker 1: hundred dollars, but they would have to forfeit their right 371 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:39,400 Speaker 1: to that twenty dollars. The majority of these individuals would 372 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:42,000 Speaker 1: not take it. They felt they had put so much 373 00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:45,280 Speaker 1: time and energy into making that money, and they didn't 374 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:47,600 Speaker 1: want to give it up, even for the chance of 375 00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:54,800 Speaker 1: winning something much better. That is highly irrational. Now, I 376 00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:57,320 Speaker 1: know you're probably thinking, like, wait, but doesn't it Isn't 377 00:22:57,320 --> 00:23:00,679 Speaker 1: it just showing that maybe these people don't like gambling. No, 378 00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:04,680 Speaker 1: because the chances of them winning were seventy five percent. 379 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:08,880 Speaker 1: Imagine if I told you you go out and buy 380 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,440 Speaker 1: a lot of ticket there's a seventy five percent chance 381 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:14,159 Speaker 1: that you would win. Oh my god, I would be 382 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:17,960 Speaker 1: doing that because that's the rational choice. Right. It was 383 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:21,080 Speaker 1: highly irrational in this situation for them to not take 384 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:26,320 Speaker 1: that opportunity because of the sunk cost fallacy. They didn't 385 00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:28,600 Speaker 1: want to give up what they'd already worked really hard for. 386 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:33,440 Speaker 1: And that happens all the time in real life. If 387 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:37,439 Speaker 1: you think about my friend and her engagement, you know, 388 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:40,240 Speaker 1: I told her this analogy. I was like, you've put 389 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:43,960 Speaker 1: so much energy into this, you kept up appearances for 390 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,320 Speaker 1: so long. You really like she did truly want it 391 00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:48,679 Speaker 1: to work. I And that's a sad thing. Really like 392 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:53,199 Speaker 1: she really wanted it to work, So walking away from it, 393 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:57,760 Speaker 1: you just feel like all that time, what was it for? 394 00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:01,520 Speaker 1: Was it for nothing? My book, though, I give this analogy. 395 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:03,800 Speaker 1: So if you've read my book, I'm sorry, you'll know 396 00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:05,720 Speaker 1: what I'm about to say. But in my book, I 397 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:07,960 Speaker 1: give this analogy of this pair of boots that I bought, 398 00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:10,320 Speaker 1: and at the time they were like the most expensive 399 00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:13,720 Speaker 1: pair of boots I had ever bought. You know what, 400 00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:17,000 Speaker 1: they were the most expensive item of clothing out of wear, 401 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,679 Speaker 1: anything that I had ever bought. It was ridiculous. It 402 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,960 Speaker 1: was like, I think I bought them with my first 403 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:25,840 Speaker 1: paycheck when I was working my like research job, and 404 00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:28,080 Speaker 1: I was been waiting to get them for a while. 405 00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:31,399 Speaker 1: They were so beautiful. They were three hundred dollars. They 406 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,600 Speaker 1: were three hundred fifty dollars. Sorry, just to give you 407 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:35,280 Speaker 1: it you need that. You need to know how much 408 00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:37,080 Speaker 1: they were. For this later part. They were three hundred 409 00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:40,200 Speaker 1: fifty dollars. And I wore them to this winery with 410 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:43,320 Speaker 1: my friends when I lived in Canberra, and they broke 411 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,720 Speaker 1: literally on the first wear, the heel like snapped off. 412 00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:49,880 Speaker 1: Now I'd put three hundred and fifty dollars into these boots. 413 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:53,080 Speaker 1: So I went to a cobbler because they still exist, 414 00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:57,480 Speaker 1: and he fixed it cost me one hundred dollars. Next 415 00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:00,520 Speaker 1: next time I wore them, the other heel broke, cost 416 00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:04,000 Speaker 1: me another one hundred dollars. Then I tore the zipper, 417 00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:07,720 Speaker 1: cost me like fifty dollars. Then they broke again. I 418 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:10,080 Speaker 1: kid you not. These shoes were terribly made. Let's just 419 00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:15,720 Speaker 1: say that they were terribly made shoes. And at that 420 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:19,320 Speaker 1: point I had spent more money repairing these shoes when 421 00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:21,200 Speaker 1: I literally could have just gone and bought a whole 422 00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:25,200 Speaker 1: new pair. But it's because that investment, that initial investment 423 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:28,440 Speaker 1: of three hundred and fifty dollars and there's other continual investments, 424 00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:31,399 Speaker 1: meant that this pair of shoes was no longer worthless 425 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,360 Speaker 1: to me, even though they literally didn't work. They were 426 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:37,200 Speaker 1: worth all that money that I'd put into them. Why 427 00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:39,480 Speaker 1: was I wearing them? Why did I keep them? I 428 00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:42,120 Speaker 1: should have literally just started from zero again and bought 429 00:25:42,119 --> 00:25:44,680 Speaker 1: another pair of shoes, even if they were less, less 430 00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:47,960 Speaker 1: expensive and less dreamy like because of the sun cost fallacy. 431 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,320 Speaker 1: We do that with jobs, We do that with relationships, 432 00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:54,160 Speaker 1: We do that with career pathways. We do that with 433 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,960 Speaker 1: you know, moving to places and realizing actually this isn't 434 00:25:57,960 --> 00:25:59,879 Speaker 1: the place that we should live. But we just you know, 435 00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:03,000 Speaker 1: we've already told everyone that we're moving and we've already 436 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:06,439 Speaker 1: spent so much money on like the removalist, Like, I 437 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,360 Speaker 1: guess I just have to see it through when really 438 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:11,280 Speaker 1: we're not happy and it causes us to continue to 439 00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:16,320 Speaker 1: serve an outdated dream and in the process forfeit future happiness. 440 00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:21,200 Speaker 1: If you want to see exactly how susceptible you are 441 00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:24,159 Speaker 1: to this, to the sunt cost fallacy, there is a 442 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:27,960 Speaker 1: really interesting Harvard study that you can actually go and do. 443 00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,919 Speaker 1: Like they have the checklist that gave people a number 444 00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:35,159 Speaker 1: of scenarios like make a Halloween cape, paint your bedroom, 445 00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:38,959 Speaker 1: terminate a project and a relationship, and how willing they 446 00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:43,000 Speaker 1: would be to walk away from that project and what 447 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:47,159 Speaker 1: the factors were that would influence that, and their answers 448 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:50,480 Speaker 1: determined the susceptibility they had to the sun cost fallacy 449 00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:55,800 Speaker 1: in a more real world scenario. This is a really 450 00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:59,920 Speaker 1: great way to kind of give yourself some data about yourself, 451 00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:02,959 Speaker 1: learn more about yourself. Am I susceptible to this? And 452 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:06,919 Speaker 1: maybe knowing that you are would reveal or help you 453 00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:08,840 Speaker 1: understand a lot of choices that you'd made in the 454 00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:12,560 Speaker 1: past and just understand how your brain works for future decisions. 455 00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:15,320 Speaker 1: The thing is, again, I'm going to sound like a 456 00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:19,639 Speaker 1: broken record. Broken record, you are meant to change your mind. 457 00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:25,600 Speaker 1: So what's probably stopping you is this whole combination of fear, rationality, 458 00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:31,600 Speaker 1: of social rejection, of disappointing others. So let's kind of 459 00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:35,320 Speaker 1: flip this narrative and talk about some of the benefits 460 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:39,480 Speaker 1: of being the kind of person who can readily admit 461 00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:44,439 Speaker 1: I was wrong. I don't want this, I don't believe this, 462 00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:49,440 Speaker 1: I don't want to be this person anymore. First of all, 463 00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:53,119 Speaker 1: I think giving ourselves permission to change our mind actually 464 00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:57,840 Speaker 1: gives us a less decision fatigue and a reduced fear 465 00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:02,080 Speaker 1: of uncertainty. Tell me if I'm wrong. In our twenties, 466 00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:04,360 Speaker 1: I feel like anytime we go to make a decision, 467 00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:08,280 Speaker 1: there is so much to analyze, so much to think of, 468 00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:12,720 Speaker 1: so many pros and cons to weigh up, that we stagnate. 469 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:15,200 Speaker 1: We just don't make a decision at all. That's decision 470 00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:21,760 Speaker 1: paralysis or analysis paralysis. We have this weird way of thinking, 471 00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:25,280 Speaker 1: which is that if we think about something more somehow, 472 00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:28,159 Speaker 1: that's going to mean that the outcome we want is 473 00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:30,720 Speaker 1: more certain, or we're going to be better able to 474 00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:35,200 Speaker 1: predict things not going right. That is a complete fallacy, 475 00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:38,800 Speaker 1: That is a complete lie. We have no idea of telling. 476 00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:42,280 Speaker 1: And overthinking and thinking about it too much is just 477 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:46,840 Speaker 1: a comfort or reassurance technique. That actually means that we 478 00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:49,800 Speaker 1: stay in the decision phase for much longer than we 479 00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:52,280 Speaker 1: need to. And it means that when we eventually do 480 00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:55,720 Speaker 1: make a choice, we feel such an extreme loyalty to 481 00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:58,120 Speaker 1: that choice that if it isn't working, we won't walk away. 482 00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:02,680 Speaker 1: Now if we decide because it is a decision, that 483 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:06,600 Speaker 1: it's okay to change your mind, Those decisions no longer 484 00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:11,720 Speaker 1: feel so final. Uncertainty about these outcomes feels less threatening 485 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:14,520 Speaker 1: because we know that if we don't like the outcome, 486 00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:17,360 Speaker 1: we can always just change it. No longer are we 487 00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:20,440 Speaker 1: sitting in this like panicked phase of like this is 488 00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:22,680 Speaker 1: so important because once I make a choice, I'm locked 489 00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:24,960 Speaker 1: in for life. No, no, no, we can. We can 490 00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,120 Speaker 1: make a choice and then make a different choice the 491 00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,400 Speaker 1: week after and the week after that and the week 492 00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:32,720 Speaker 1: after that. And I know that some people think that 493 00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:35,040 Speaker 1: that means that, you know, we give up and we 494 00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:36,680 Speaker 1: start again, and we give up, and we start again, 495 00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:39,560 Speaker 1: and we don't have follow through. Now, this is about 496 00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:42,880 Speaker 1: being able to make a decision from a really managed 497 00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:49,800 Speaker 1: place and almost almost silence all those other factors that 498 00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:52,920 Speaker 1: are influencing us and make the decision that's right for us. Right, 499 00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:56,560 Speaker 1: if you think about it again, not wanting to change 500 00:29:56,560 --> 00:30:00,800 Speaker 1: your mind doesn't actually come from the fact that the 501 00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:03,920 Speaker 1: next decision isn't going to be a better decision. If 502 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:07,080 Speaker 1: we only thought about things practically and we were only like, 503 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:09,880 Speaker 1: oh yeah, probably leaving this relationship is the right thing, 504 00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:12,920 Speaker 1: and mentally this relationship, our life would be a lot easier. 505 00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:14,800 Speaker 1: It's all this other stuff that gets in the way, 506 00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:17,800 Speaker 1: and so deciding that it's okay to ignore those things 507 00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:19,960 Speaker 1: would give us more freedom to make the right choice 508 00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:22,760 Speaker 1: in the future, and to make different choices when those 509 00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:25,280 Speaker 1: choices aren't working out. I don't know how many time 510 00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:28,360 Speaker 1: I just said choices. That's like a drinking game right there. 511 00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:31,200 Speaker 1: It also means that we would be more flexible. Right, 512 00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:34,520 Speaker 1: some of the most successful people in the world, and 513 00:30:34,560 --> 00:30:36,960 Speaker 1: they've done studies on this and found they are not 514 00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:40,720 Speaker 1: the smartest. They actually don't have the highest iques. They 515 00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:43,600 Speaker 1: may not have the most resources, but they're the ones 516 00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:47,480 Speaker 1: who can respond and act the fastest. And what allows 517 00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:50,800 Speaker 1: them to do that they don't get too attached to 518 00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:53,800 Speaker 1: what others think they should be doing. They don't get 519 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:56,520 Speaker 1: or they aren't worried about abandoning things that aren't working. 520 00:30:56,960 --> 00:30:59,360 Speaker 1: They don't put too much of their ego in their 521 00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:02,000 Speaker 1: failures or their mistakes, and they are very quick to 522 00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:05,880 Speaker 1: move on from wrong choices. That is what we want 523 00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:08,440 Speaker 1: for ourselves. That's what I want for myself at least. 524 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:12,920 Speaker 1: This also helps us tap into something called the possible 525 00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:17,680 Speaker 1: selves theory. I love this theory and I'll explain it 526 00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:19,440 Speaker 1: to you now, and I'll give you a way to 527 00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:22,160 Speaker 1: feel it for yourself. If I asked you to pause 528 00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:25,280 Speaker 1: for a second, and I said, just think about who 529 00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:28,680 Speaker 1: you are, and I asked you to define yourself and 530 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:32,800 Speaker 1: how you see yourself, you would probably list your hobbies, 531 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:37,640 Speaker 1: your name, your values, your job, your relationship status, all 532 00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:41,880 Speaker 1: stuff that defines you right now now. The possible selves theory. 533 00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:45,200 Speaker 1: This was developed at Stanford during the nineteen eighties, I 534 00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:48,680 Speaker 1: think eighties or nineties. It says that when we start 535 00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:52,920 Speaker 1: considering ourself as not just who we are now, but 536 00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:55,080 Speaker 1: who we want to be in the future, or our 537 00:31:55,440 --> 00:32:02,560 Speaker 1: possible selves what feels available to us dramatically. This is 538 00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:06,920 Speaker 1: particularly the case when we start to actively consider what 539 00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:12,080 Speaker 1: this theory calls our hoped for selves. Our hoped for 540 00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:18,640 Speaker 1: selves is this big category of potential future versions of 541 00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:21,719 Speaker 1: us that we would be really happy to become and 542 00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:26,480 Speaker 1: that we would really like to bring into existence. Basically, 543 00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:29,720 Speaker 1: this theory asks us to see every version of us 544 00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:33,760 Speaker 1: as equally important, the past, the present, and of course 545 00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:38,320 Speaker 1: the future version of us. They all deserve our attention, 546 00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:41,640 Speaker 1: and they all are relying on us to make the 547 00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:45,360 Speaker 1: right decision now, the right decision for right now. Doesn't 548 00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:47,480 Speaker 1: mean you can't change it, but asking us to be 549 00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:50,520 Speaker 1: ready to make the decisions that we need to. And 550 00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:53,840 Speaker 1: this also helps us rise above our current emotions about 551 00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:57,800 Speaker 1: our circumstances, our current fears of disappointing others or of 552 00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:00,840 Speaker 1: being judged, or of thinking we failed, and just think 553 00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:03,920 Speaker 1: way ahead for a second and really just think about 554 00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:07,560 Speaker 1: what needs to be done for us to become everything 555 00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:09,960 Speaker 1: we want to be in the future, and how much 556 00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:12,720 Speaker 1: that how sweet of a reward that is going to be. 557 00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:18,200 Speaker 1: This is just like such a profound motivational, motivational force, 558 00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:22,240 Speaker 1: and it allows us to see the choice to change 559 00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:26,560 Speaker 1: our mind or to change our path not as a sacrifice, 560 00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:31,680 Speaker 1: but as a really necessary and important bridge between present 561 00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:34,880 Speaker 1: and future. And it gets us to think less about 562 00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:40,760 Speaker 1: the current discomfort and more about the future reward. You 563 00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:44,400 Speaker 1: can do this for yourself right now. I don't think 564 00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:47,720 Speaker 1: about yourself in this moment. I don't care who you 565 00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:51,440 Speaker 1: are right now. Who do you want to be? What 566 00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:53,800 Speaker 1: is the most ideal version of you that you want 567 00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:57,600 Speaker 1: to exist? And if you can't think of one, you 568 00:33:57,640 --> 00:34:00,640 Speaker 1: probably need to think a little bit harder. Now. What 569 00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:03,440 Speaker 1: are the choices in the decisions that aren't working for 570 00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:06,080 Speaker 1: you right now, or the beliefs that aren't working for 571 00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:08,759 Speaker 1: you right now that are stopping you from crossing the 572 00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:13,000 Speaker 1: bridge between your current self and your future possible hoped 573 00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:17,120 Speaker 1: for self. I think when we see when the stakes 574 00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:20,120 Speaker 1: change for us, when the stakes change from I might 575 00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:24,719 Speaker 1: disappoint people too, I might disappoint myself, and I might 576 00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:28,040 Speaker 1: deny myself my future, it becomes a lot easier to 577 00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:30,959 Speaker 1: change our mind because we realize how serious this could 578 00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:36,680 Speaker 1: be for us. Finally, changing your mind actually shows great 579 00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:42,600 Speaker 1: strength psychologically. This is the whole premise behind Carol Dweck's 580 00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:46,680 Speaker 1: growth mindset theory. Carol Dweck. You may not have heard 581 00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:50,160 Speaker 1: her name, you have definitely heard about her theories. She 582 00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:53,239 Speaker 1: is a very famous Stanford psychologist and she developed this 583 00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:58,680 Speaker 1: idea of the fixed versus growth mindset principle, which basically 584 00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:01,160 Speaker 1: says people who are willing to admit when they are 585 00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:05,240 Speaker 1: wrong are actually psychologically stronger than those who cannot challenge 586 00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:08,200 Speaker 1: themselves and basically have this belief that like, ah, this 587 00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:10,120 Speaker 1: is just who I am. I was just born this way, 588 00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:13,879 Speaker 1: I will always be this way. That mindset shows very 589 00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:18,440 Speaker 1: limited cognitive flexibility, and that is directly linked to being 590 00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:23,640 Speaker 1: a less happy person. We actually have to change our 591 00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:26,760 Speaker 1: mind in order to be satisfied. They have done study 592 00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:29,880 Speaker 1: after study on this. There is this very famous theory 593 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:33,120 Speaker 1: called self determination theory, and it argues that for a 594 00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:36,719 Speaker 1: human being to be well and to be happy and 595 00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:41,680 Speaker 1: to be fulfilled, they have three basic psychological needs need 596 00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:48,759 Speaker 1: to be met. Autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Autonomy and competence, 597 00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:51,319 Speaker 1: this is what we're focusing on here. We have to 598 00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:54,000 Speaker 1: feel like we are able to make our own choices 599 00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:58,520 Speaker 1: and then our life is self directed, and we also 600 00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:01,600 Speaker 1: have to feel like we are getting better at something, 601 00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:04,080 Speaker 1: that we are expanding our abilities, that we are progressing, 602 00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:07,560 Speaker 1: and that we are changing. So denying yourself the ability 603 00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:12,000 Speaker 1: to change your mind is basically denying yourself humanness. It's 604 00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:18,560 Speaker 1: denying yourself determination and happiness. So with all that in mind, 605 00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:22,320 Speaker 1: I want to give you some final reminders, some final 606 00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:25,280 Speaker 1: reminders that will make it easier for you to basically 607 00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:29,319 Speaker 1: say I was wrong. Firstly, if it is the fear 608 00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:32,360 Speaker 1: of being judged that is stopping you, I want to 609 00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:35,160 Speaker 1: remind you that no one cares and that no one 610 00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:38,240 Speaker 1: is paying attention. Now, this isn't just like a personal 611 00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:42,200 Speaker 1: belief I have. This is like an evidence supported, evidence 612 00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:48,640 Speaker 1: based fact. A two thousand study done at Cornell I 613 00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:51,520 Speaker 1: think I think it was done in like in association 614 00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:57,080 Speaker 1: with Cornell, basically found that people tend to greatly overestimate 615 00:36:57,520 --> 00:37:00,440 Speaker 1: how much attention others are actually paying to them and 616 00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:04,040 Speaker 1: their decisions. You might know this as the spotlight effect. 617 00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:09,520 Speaker 1: So in this study, Cornell University students war were asked 618 00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:14,680 Speaker 1: to wear embarrassing T shirts around campus, and they significantly 619 00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:18,160 Speaker 1: overestimated how many people were going to notice their shirts. 620 00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:21,720 Speaker 1: What the research has found was that when they asked 621 00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:25,560 Speaker 1: the people who were milling around these students on campus 622 00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:29,680 Speaker 1: on the green, on the lawn in the library, very 623 00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:33,759 Speaker 1: few of them actually noticed those T shirts. Very few 624 00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:36,880 Speaker 1: of them even remembered walking past half of these students. 625 00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:42,880 Speaker 1: This overestimation. It stems from us being so focused on 626 00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:47,000 Speaker 1: our own thoughts and our experiences that we incorrectly project 627 00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:51,120 Speaker 1: them and project that intense self awareness onto others and 628 00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:54,480 Speaker 1: assume that they are also equally aware of us. No 629 00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:59,440 Speaker 1: one is paying attention to you, No one. Some people may, 630 00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:04,080 Speaker 1: but no one is going to be burdened by your 631 00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:07,040 Speaker 1: decision to change your mind or to not change your 632 00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:10,400 Speaker 1: mind more than you are. And for the small majority 633 00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:13,880 Speaker 1: of people who are somehow really focused in on what 634 00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:17,600 Speaker 1: you're doing, and who are really focused in on your 635 00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:21,000 Speaker 1: decision to change your opinion or you know, go back 636 00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:24,440 Speaker 1: on something you once wanted, you know, for some people, 637 00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:28,200 Speaker 1: I always say this, for some people, the most interesting 638 00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:31,479 Speaker 1: thing they can do is criticize others. It's the most 639 00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:33,520 Speaker 1: interesting thing they're ever going to do in their life. 640 00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:37,640 Speaker 1: And it's a pretty sad way of living. What it 641 00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:42,040 Speaker 1: really is is ego defense or ego protection. It's a shield. 642 00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:46,040 Speaker 1: If all of their attention is consumed by thoughts about 643 00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:50,440 Speaker 1: how others are failing or disappointing others or somehow lying, 644 00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:54,360 Speaker 1: they never have to turn that focus inwards or around 645 00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:58,120 Speaker 1: towards themselves. These people and they are the minority. I 646 00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:01,000 Speaker 1: will say that they have a lot of time on 647 00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:04,040 Speaker 1: their hands, and that could never be me, and that 648 00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:06,359 Speaker 1: could never be you, because we've got stuff we want 649 00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:09,200 Speaker 1: to do, Like I've got stuff I want to achieve, 650 00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:11,719 Speaker 1: I've got places I want to see, I've got love 651 00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:15,600 Speaker 1: I want to share, Like I don't have time to 652 00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:21,080 Speaker 1: sit and think about whether you know Simon is actually 653 00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:23,600 Speaker 1: like what's he doing in his degree? Oh? I heard 654 00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:26,080 Speaker 1: he is, Like I heard he's not doing his degree anymore. 655 00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:28,520 Speaker 1: And I heard like, well, wow, what's that choice about? 656 00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:30,319 Speaker 1: Like I don't have time to do that. That's your 657 00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:33,200 Speaker 1: own life. Do what's best for you. I also want 658 00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:35,000 Speaker 1: to remind you it's never too late to start over. 659 00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:40,040 Speaker 1: Like literally, ever, my grandma didn't get her degree until 660 00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:42,759 Speaker 1: she was like in her fifties, and she had a 661 00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:46,040 Speaker 1: great stint and a great career. My mom, you know, 662 00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:49,680 Speaker 1: she didn't graduate from university until much later on in 663 00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:52,200 Speaker 1: her twenties, and even that I think is pretty young. 664 00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:55,439 Speaker 1: I know we've all seen that post that's like, oh, 665 00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:58,080 Speaker 1: you know Verra Awaang didn't design her first wedding dress 666 00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:01,960 Speaker 1: until fifty or Oprah didn't get her first TV show 667 00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:07,160 Speaker 1: until thirty seven. It's important to have those stories. Do 668 00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:10,440 Speaker 1: not fall into the trap that you can't change your 669 00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:14,120 Speaker 1: mind because you don't have enough time to rebuild the 670 00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:18,120 Speaker 1: life around the next decision you make. There are no rules. 671 00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:22,040 Speaker 1: You have so much more time than you think. Life 672 00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:24,919 Speaker 1: is very, very long, and I think you would rather 673 00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:28,040 Speaker 1: die trying to rebuild or build a better life for 674 00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:32,080 Speaker 1: yourself based on something that actually feels authentic than die 675 00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:34,839 Speaker 1: having spent more time in a belief system or an 676 00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:38,400 Speaker 1: opinion or a life that you actually didn't like, believe in, 677 00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:43,520 Speaker 1: enjoy just for the sake of others. No one else 678 00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:46,200 Speaker 1: has to live your life for you. No one else 679 00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:48,759 Speaker 1: is going to face the consequences of not being true 680 00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:52,480 Speaker 1: to yourself or your future possible selves, and the pain 681 00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:55,319 Speaker 1: of not doing what they need you to do more 682 00:40:55,360 --> 00:40:58,200 Speaker 1: than you are. People can judge you or they like. 683 00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:02,239 Speaker 1: You can disappoint your parents, You can disappoint people around you, 684 00:41:02,239 --> 00:41:05,719 Speaker 1: maybe you can be seen as unreliable. That pain is 685 00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:08,400 Speaker 1: never going to be as intense as the pain of 686 00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:13,400 Speaker 1: looking back and realizing God, in my one precious life, 687 00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:15,600 Speaker 1: I didn't do the things I actually wanted because of 688 00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:19,960 Speaker 1: what people who are going to be gone anyways. Don't 689 00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:22,239 Speaker 1: let that be you. There is a lot of life 690 00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:24,640 Speaker 1: to live. There are a lot of mistakes that you 691 00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:27,239 Speaker 1: will make and choices that you will go back on. 692 00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:29,799 Speaker 1: One of the most freeing things I think that I've 693 00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:33,440 Speaker 1: realized recently is like, at some point the life I 694 00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:36,600 Speaker 1: currently have isn't going to fit me anymore. And that 695 00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:39,840 Speaker 1: could be terrifying to realize, because I really love my 696 00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:43,280 Speaker 1: life right now. But I'm also really excited to see 697 00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:47,840 Speaker 1: what's going to evolve from here and what's going to 698 00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:51,200 Speaker 1: need to change, and how that discomfort is actually pushing 699 00:41:51,239 --> 00:41:55,600 Speaker 1: me in a really fruitful, amazing direction. So I hope 700 00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:58,960 Speaker 1: this episode has served as a reminder for you. If 701 00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:01,719 Speaker 1: you have made it this far, I would ask that 702 00:42:01,800 --> 00:42:05,040 Speaker 1: you leave a little comment down below of something you 703 00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:08,960 Speaker 1: changed your mind about. Whether it is that you hate 704 00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:11,480 Speaker 1: eggplant and now you love it, which I don't understand. 705 00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:14,319 Speaker 1: Eggplant is disgusting, but whether it's like you change your 706 00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:16,799 Speaker 1: mind about a food, or about a person, or about 707 00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:19,680 Speaker 1: a belief or about what you thought was going to 708 00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:22,520 Speaker 1: make you happy. Let's share them down below, because I 709 00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:27,279 Speaker 1: think seeing other people not be afraid to admit when 710 00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:30,040 Speaker 1: they were not even wrong, but that something wasn't right 711 00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:33,440 Speaker 1: for them any longer is really empowering. So thank you 712 00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:36,600 Speaker 1: for listening. I hope this has emboldened you, excited you 713 00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:40,560 Speaker 1: inspired you. Make sure as well that you were following 714 00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:44,480 Speaker 1: on us on Instagram, at that psychology podcast if you 715 00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:46,680 Speaker 1: want to see a summary of this episode, if you 716 00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:49,040 Speaker 1: want to see what's going on behind the scenes, if 717 00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:51,719 Speaker 1: you want to give us an episode suggestion, and that 718 00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:54,719 Speaker 1: you are following along wherever you are listening right now, 719 00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:59,920 Speaker 1: whether that is Apple Podcasts, Spotify, the iHeartRadio app, Tie, 720 00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:03,759 Speaker 1: I don't know wherever you are YouTube. Make sure you're 721 00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:05,839 Speaker 1: following and give us a five star review only if 722 00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:07,879 Speaker 1: you feel called to do so. It doesn't really help 723 00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:10,800 Speaker 1: the show grow and reach new people, but it's always 724 00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:13,000 Speaker 1: thank you again for listening. That's the third time I've 725 00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:16,799 Speaker 1: said that. Obviously, I'm feeling a lot of gratitude in 726 00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:19,359 Speaker 1: my heart for you guys, right now, but until next time, 727 00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:22,120 Speaker 1: stay safe, be kind, be gentle with yourself. Remember it 728 00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:25,520 Speaker 1: is okay to change your mind, and we will talk 729 00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:26,839 Speaker 1: very very soon,