1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,360 Speaker 1: Buggle up, Buggle up, Buggle up, Hold on tight. We 2 00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:04,000 Speaker 1: got it for you here. It is just straw. Every 3 00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:10,360 Speaker 1: letter subject is it another woman, slash, my kids, slash 4 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:13,720 Speaker 1: or me. Stephen Shirley, I am a thirty seven year 5 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:18,320 Speaker 1: old divorced mother of four seventeen, fourteen, ten, and seven. 6 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:21,480 Speaker 1: I am currently dating a man who is forty two, 7 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:25,280 Speaker 1: divorced and has no kids. He treats me very nice. 8 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:28,720 Speaker 1: We've been dating about seven months. He's been there for 9 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:32,400 Speaker 1: me emotionally as well as financially. I was floating on 10 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:35,479 Speaker 1: cloud nine until a month ago. He moved in with 11 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:38,559 Speaker 1: me and my kids and everything was still fine, or 12 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:42,440 Speaker 1: at least I thought he would pay bills. Sex was great, 13 00:00:42,479 --> 00:00:45,680 Speaker 1: and we communicated very well together, and I began to 14 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:48,559 Speaker 1: notice he never bothered to interact with my kids in 15 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:51,680 Speaker 1: any way. When I brought this to his attention, he 16 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:55,320 Speaker 1: said he didn't feel he had to do anything with 17 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:57,960 Speaker 1: them since they have their father in their life. I 18 00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:00,320 Speaker 1: told him I didn't understand how he thought he could 19 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,600 Speaker 1: live with a woman and her kids and not have 20 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:06,560 Speaker 1: some type of interaction with them. The conversation quickly turned 21 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:09,280 Speaker 1: into an argument. This was the first time we had 22 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,600 Speaker 1: had an argument, so I didn't know what to expect. 23 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:14,600 Speaker 1: He left the house and stayed gone all day. When 24 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:17,680 Speaker 1: he returned, he didn't finish the discussion, and he went 25 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:20,199 Speaker 1: on as though it never happened. A few weeks later, 26 00:01:20,319 --> 00:01:22,319 Speaker 1: I thought everything was fine and things were back to 27 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:24,839 Speaker 1: normal when he woke up one Monday morning and told 28 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:26,960 Speaker 1: me he had an appointment to look for an apartment. 29 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:30,560 Speaker 1: When he returned, he told me he signed a lease 30 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:33,080 Speaker 1: and that he would be moving out that Friday, four 31 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:36,080 Speaker 1: days later. I couldn't believe it. I asked him why 32 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:38,240 Speaker 1: was he leaving. He said he thought about the argument, 33 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:40,039 Speaker 1: dealing with the kids, and that he wasn't ready for 34 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:42,680 Speaker 1: his family for this family stuff. Again. He told me 35 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,200 Speaker 1: he loves me, still wants to have a relationship with me, 36 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:47,880 Speaker 1: but that he just doesn't want to live with me 37 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,680 Speaker 1: and my kids. He wouldn't comment on how impressed he 38 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:53,560 Speaker 1: was with how well mannered they were. He would come 39 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:56,160 Speaker 1: in on that. So what's the problem. Their father gets 40 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,520 Speaker 1: them faithfully every other weekend, pay his child support for 41 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:01,360 Speaker 1: free time and money is not an issue. Is he 42 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:03,440 Speaker 1: using my kids as a cop out to break up 43 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,400 Speaker 1: with me to be with someone else? I just don't 44 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,519 Speaker 1: understand how someone's feelings can just change at the drop 45 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:10,600 Speaker 1: of a dime like that. I'm so confused. I don't 46 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:12,720 Speaker 1: know what to believe or think. I thought forty two 47 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,200 Speaker 1: the games would be over. Steve, Please tell me is 48 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:17,959 Speaker 1: this a game or not? Twelve minutes after the hour, 49 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:21,600 Speaker 1: we'll be back. Here we go, Part two, Strawberry Letters. 50 00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:27,239 Speaker 1: Steve's response, Right now, let's go. Well, you know this 51 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:32,959 Speaker 1: letter right here? Really, ladies, please listen to me carefully 52 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:37,040 Speaker 1: on this or right here. You got to know what 53 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:43,359 Speaker 1: you're getting into. Your thirty seven, got four kids. You're 54 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:47,720 Speaker 1: dating a man this forty to divorce, has no kids. 55 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,120 Speaker 1: How do you get to be a forty two, you 56 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:53,560 Speaker 1: old man without no kids? See what bing ding ding 57 00:02:53,639 --> 00:02:57,359 Speaker 1: ding ding ding? Don't know? Flags go off? Forty too? 58 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:03,080 Speaker 1: No kids? Who is this dude? What he's been doing now? 59 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:05,240 Speaker 1: All of a sudden, here in the situation with a 60 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:09,680 Speaker 1: woman that's got folk kids, all of them under age, 61 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,639 Speaker 1: all of them got to go to college, all of 62 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:16,120 Speaker 1: them need const attention and time. You didn't pick the 63 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:19,520 Speaker 1: man that you've been seeing for only seven months, and 64 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:23,120 Speaker 1: y'all haven't moved in together. Seven months is too soon 65 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:26,520 Speaker 1: to move in, not on you, but on them kids. 66 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:29,480 Speaker 1: You've been knowing the man seven months. Now all of 67 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:32,360 Speaker 1: a sudden he goes, y'all new daddy, and then you 68 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:36,120 Speaker 1: expect him to be their daddy. Well he ain't they daddy. 69 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:39,520 Speaker 1: And guess what, he ain't acting like hed daddy because 70 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:43,160 Speaker 1: you in the seven months of having getting okay, now 71 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:46,120 Speaker 1: here to deal. He pays the bills and the sexiest 72 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:49,880 Speaker 1: great now right there, I would say, hanging there. Just 73 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:56,760 Speaker 1: initially I would say getting your bills paid, And you're 74 00:03:56,760 --> 00:04:00,440 Speaker 1: getting your bills really paid. So now I'm saying and you, oh, 75 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:02,920 Speaker 1: there was problem, But here go the problem though you're 76 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,360 Speaker 1: thinking to do with no kids. He don't even know 77 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:08,240 Speaker 1: how to be a father. Maybe his relationship with his 78 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:10,520 Speaker 1: father wasn't that good. Well maybe he never had a 79 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:13,360 Speaker 1: relationship father. He may not even know how to be 80 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:16,200 Speaker 1: a father, which is what really the letter sounds like 81 00:04:16,279 --> 00:04:19,400 Speaker 1: to me. You don't pick the man with no intention, knowledge, 82 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:23,479 Speaker 1: background on being a father at all. So now he 83 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,040 Speaker 1: hadn't told you he don't think he got to interact 84 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:29,680 Speaker 1: with your kids because they fathers in their life. You 85 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:32,760 Speaker 1: moved the man in on your kids after knowing the 86 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:36,080 Speaker 1: man only seven months. Your kids don't hardly know the 87 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:40,800 Speaker 1: dude at all, not at all. I'm pretty sure you 88 00:04:40,839 --> 00:04:43,920 Speaker 1: didn't check with them. Now, the reason he ain't interacting 89 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,839 Speaker 1: with the kids, let's get into that been in this situation. 90 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:49,279 Speaker 1: Let's talk about what it might be the problem. Maybe 91 00:04:49,279 --> 00:04:51,880 Speaker 1: the kids and said the famous Lyne to him, you 92 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:55,560 Speaker 1: ain't my daddy, Okay, go slow, you roll down once 93 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:58,560 Speaker 1: you hear that. Or maybe the dude come over to 94 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:01,479 Speaker 1: pick the kids up me to do. Let's say, I 95 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:04,359 Speaker 1: don't say nothing to my damn kids. I'm the father. 96 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,120 Speaker 1: I don't know what you're over here doing with her, 97 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,880 Speaker 1: but the kids don't need you. O'm the father. He 98 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:11,080 Speaker 1: could have had that conversation. So you don't know where 99 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:13,839 Speaker 1: it's been. Because for this dude to get in an argument, 100 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:17,080 Speaker 1: getting the gold, take an appointment, get an apartment, come 101 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:19,479 Speaker 1: back and tell you. But this was after guess what, though, 102 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:22,039 Speaker 1: this is really a dude. You don't know, lady, he 103 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:26,800 Speaker 1: told me and his his A few weeks later. I 104 00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:30,360 Speaker 1: thought everything was fine and things were back to normal. Yeah, 105 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:33,480 Speaker 1: but things were back to normal to what y'all still 106 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:35,960 Speaker 1: screwing and he ain't talking to the kids. Is that 107 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,240 Speaker 1: what you called back to normal? He got back to 108 00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:41,400 Speaker 1: normal then he showed up with at least from an apartment. 109 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,919 Speaker 1: Tell you he moving out Friday. Isn't another woman, No, 110 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:48,400 Speaker 1: it ain't nothing more. Is you and them kids? Is 111 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:51,640 Speaker 1: you and them kids that you didn't clear before y'all 112 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:57,080 Speaker 1: got it together. Listen to me. You're sitting up in 113 00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,760 Speaker 1: here with a man you don't know. Now you know 114 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:02,680 Speaker 1: the man. Now you want to know why the man 115 00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:05,520 Speaker 1: is this white? A man is dead, lady, you're just 116 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:09,440 Speaker 1: not knowing the man yourself. You jumped in too fast. 117 00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:13,599 Speaker 1: The sex was way too good, and you started getting 118 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:16,560 Speaker 1: you a little chips helping to pay the bill. That's 119 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:19,000 Speaker 1: all this. He is right here. You jumped in too 120 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:23,600 Speaker 1: fast because it's seven months. The kid conversation never came up. 121 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:27,239 Speaker 1: You didn't notice that he wasn't interacting with the kids 122 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:30,359 Speaker 1: when y'all was dating. Now you figure you're just gonna 123 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:33,200 Speaker 1: herod mood his man in so you can get another man. Well, 124 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:35,400 Speaker 1: you got a man, but the kids ain't got no daddy. 125 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,000 Speaker 1: Thank you, Steve. You know we have to get out 126 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,719 Speaker 1: of here. You can email or instagram us your thoughts 127 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:43,960 Speaker 1: on today's Strawberry Letter, and I know I tell you right, 128 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:49,760 Speaker 1: my girl, Shirley, Uh tomorrow, don't forget. At one thirty pm, 129 00:06:49,839 --> 00:06:53,279 Speaker 1: Facebook Live is back. The Strawberry Letter Live After Show 130 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:57,360 Speaker 1: is back one thirty pm Eastern Time. Hopefully I'll see 131 00:06:57,400 --> 00:07:00,800 Speaker 1: you guys all there and we'll talk about today's letter, 132 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:04,200 Speaker 1: have my fresh strawberry pick of the weekend, or trending topics.