WEBVTT - Parents In An Open Marriage Feat. Bae Leche + Husband 0:00:01.560 --> 0:00:04.160 Oh my god. Girl. You know Valentine's Day is coming 0:00:04.240 --> 0:00:08.520 up and I've recently discovered my new favorite vibrator. And 0:00:08.560 --> 0:00:10.799 you know, I don't really like to vibrate that hard, 0:00:11.000 --> 0:00:15.640 but this new one, the Womanizer Premium, is the bomb. 0:00:16.280 --> 0:00:19.880 I thought of you immediately because it has twelve levels 0:00:19.880 --> 0:00:23.400 of vibrations and girl, I'm pretty sure you're gonna appreciate 0:00:23.440 --> 0:00:23.880 that twelve. 0:00:24.000 --> 0:00:25.639 Oh well, girl, you're late to the party because I 0:00:25.720 --> 0:00:29.440 already done found the Womanizer Premium. You know, I am 0:00:29.960 --> 0:00:35.279 a vibrating, masturbating queen, and the Womanizer Premium is one 0:00:35.280 --> 0:00:39.120 of my favorite vibrators because it's intuitive. 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Right now, For our lucky listeners, Womanizer 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:07.200 Premium is giving us twenty percent off y'all, so we 0:01:07.200 --> 0:01:09.720 can get vibe in for the holiday, even if you 0:01:09.760 --> 0:01:12.640 don't have a Valentine it's the perfect gift to yourself. 0:01:12.920 --> 0:01:13.800 That's right, you guys. 0:01:13.840 --> 0:01:17.160 You want to go to Lovehoney dot com and use 0:01:17.360 --> 0:01:21.880 GMBC twenty for twenty percent off the Womanizer Premium. That's 0:01:22.080 --> 0:01:26.600 love Honey dot com and use code GMBC for twenty 0:01:26.680 --> 0:01:27.400 percent off. 0:01:27.480 --> 0:01:38.040 Happy Valentine's Day. 0:01:40.560 --> 0:01:42.400 Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. 0:01:42.520 --> 0:01:45.440 I'm Erica and I'm Mela. Happy hump Day. 0:01:45.319 --> 0:01:49.120 Bitch, Happy hump Day. How how you doing. I'm good. 0:01:49.160 --> 0:01:49.720 I'm good. 0:01:49.880 --> 0:01:54.200 I'm just enjoying the month of February. Love is in 0:01:54.240 --> 0:01:56.560 the air, Loving myself is in the air. 0:01:56.880 --> 0:01:59.559 Yes, thank you guys for joining us this February where 0:01:59.680 --> 0:02:03.200 the thing for February is for the love of self, 0:02:03.440 --> 0:02:05.640 because we all know the most important love that we 0:02:05.720 --> 0:02:07.520 can have is the one for ourselves. 0:02:07.560 --> 0:02:07.960 Amen. 0:02:08.280 --> 0:02:11.160 Amen, How is it going. How's your week going? 0:02:11.600 --> 0:02:12.480 My week is good. 0:02:12.680 --> 0:02:15.960 I've just been chilling being a mom, being fine as fuck. 0:02:16.200 --> 0:02:18.919 You know, the typical shit that I do every day. 0:02:19.000 --> 0:02:20.480 My existence is a gift. 0:02:20.280 --> 0:02:21.360 So that's it. 0:02:21.639 --> 0:02:25.160 I feel you same. I'm just being fine doing good 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:26.320 dance moves, you know. 0:02:26.400 --> 0:02:27.600 It is such a great dancer. 0:02:27.760 --> 0:02:28.200 Thank you. 0:02:28.440 --> 0:02:29.280 I love the way dance. 0:02:29.320 --> 0:02:32.360 Thank you. You know, just cooking meals because I'm also 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:34.560 good at that, and just you know, just trying to 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:36.200 be my best self and make my bed and shit, 0:02:36.639 --> 0:02:38.519 well I love that for you. Thanks. 0:02:38.560 --> 0:02:38.720 You know. 0:02:38.800 --> 0:02:40.120 Making your bed is really crucial. 0:02:40.919 --> 0:02:43.200 You know, I'm usually getting to it, sometimes i'm not. 0:02:43.440 --> 0:02:45.320 It's like between the bed and the dishes. I'm just 0:02:45.360 --> 0:02:48.160 working on being a better adult. I really realize. My 0:02:48.200 --> 0:02:52.120 therapist and I have really been working on reparenting myself, 0:02:52.320 --> 0:02:54.679 which is really difficult when you're a real parent and 0:02:54.680 --> 0:02:57.720 you're parenting someone else. I'm like, wow, this is a 0:02:57.720 --> 0:03:01.200 lot of work, a lot of parenting happening. And yeah, 0:03:01.280 --> 0:03:04.440 part of that is making giving myself choice and sometimes 0:03:04.440 --> 0:03:06.600 I get done, sometimes they don't. I think a part 0:03:06.600 --> 0:03:09.239 of loving myself is also just really I've been focusing 0:03:09.240 --> 0:03:12.080 on when the shit doesn't get done. I think I 0:03:12.120 --> 0:03:13.760 wrote a note this was so important last night, and 0:03:13.760 --> 0:03:16.720 I couldn't sleep. It was like the things I write 0:03:16.720 --> 0:03:18.480 in my phone is that I think are important, and 0:03:18.560 --> 0:03:20.720 I go back, I'm like, what the fuck does this mean? 0:03:21.440 --> 0:03:23.639 I was like discipline, Wait, oh my god, where is 0:03:23.680 --> 0:03:27.040 I must see what I wrote. Reparenting and mothering myself 0:03:27.120 --> 0:03:32.720 simultaneously may require the most commitment, discipline and gentleness. Amen, 0:03:33.360 --> 0:03:34.960 Why am I writing this in the middle of the night. 0:03:35.000 --> 0:03:35.800 I have to write this down. 0:03:36.280 --> 0:03:37.240 Really need to remind yourself. 0:03:37.280 --> 0:03:38.800 Yeah, because that's what I've been doing. So I'm trying 0:03:38.800 --> 0:03:41.840 to be gentle with myself but also discipline, which yeah, 0:03:41.920 --> 0:03:42.600 it's difficult. 0:03:43.520 --> 0:03:46.160 I see it, I feel it, and you're glowing. 0:03:46.320 --> 0:03:49.600 Thank you. I appreciate that. By the time this actually 0:03:49.680 --> 0:03:53.160 comes out, will be topless and titties out in Costa 0:03:53.240 --> 0:03:57.520 Rica apparancing in the jungles, so I'll definitely be looking 0:03:57.560 --> 0:03:58.680 fine in the jungle. 0:03:58.800 --> 0:03:59.000 Yeah. 0:03:59.040 --> 0:04:00.839 So if you're not following us on Instagram and only 0:04:00.880 --> 0:04:04.280 listening to our sexy boyases, you should definitely go follow 0:04:04.360 --> 0:04:07.320 us at Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices because there's definitely 0:04:07.360 --> 0:04:10.000 going to be a lot of nudity in our close 0:04:10.040 --> 0:04:12.560 friends if Instagram doesn't hate us and delete our account. 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:16.400 If not, then maybe we'll start only fans in Costa Rica. 0:04:16.440 --> 0:04:19.640 I don't know, I know, I was thinking that, like, 0:04:19.920 --> 0:04:22.640 there's this new play made I don't all the Playboy 0:04:22.839 --> 0:04:25.039 Playboy OnlyFans. I don't know how you call it, but 0:04:25.320 --> 0:04:27.680 King Nowir and Jet Sunning Jasmin are on there, and 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:29.880 I was like, you know, I think I missed the 0:04:29.920 --> 0:04:31.960 only fans wave, but I think that you. 0:04:31.880 --> 0:04:32.600 Can get on this one. 0:04:32.640 --> 0:04:34.720 I think I can get on this one that's called Centerfold. 0:04:34.720 --> 0:04:36.320 I'm like, is this my calling? Do I need to 0:04:36.320 --> 0:04:38.880 do yoga and naked on Centerfold? Is that even an option? 0:04:39.000 --> 0:04:39.400 I don't know. 0:04:40.279 --> 0:04:41.760 I think it is. I think anything's an option. 0:04:41.839 --> 0:04:43.440 Oh God, I really do hope you get to I 0:04:43.440 --> 0:04:48.240 hope you started only fans while we're clostering my dream. 0:04:48.240 --> 0:04:50.160 Not really, but kind of, you know what it is. 0:04:50.520 --> 0:04:52.160 I was thinking about my nudity and I was looking 0:04:52.240 --> 0:04:54.200 at my own page and I was like, wow, I 0:04:54.240 --> 0:04:56.640 am naked a lot on here. It's true. It's eighty 0:04:56.720 --> 0:04:58.960 percent of my pictures are naked. I was like, God, 0:04:59.040 --> 0:05:01.320 those niggas who are talking shit to me weren't lying. 0:05:01.640 --> 0:05:03.880 And then I was thinking, why why do I need 0:05:03.880 --> 0:05:05.680 a lot of attention? I was like, no, bitch, you're 0:05:05.680 --> 0:05:08.000 just generally naked. So if you take a picture, you're 0:05:08.000 --> 0:05:10.880 gonna be naked. All your pictures are naked because you'll 0:05:10.880 --> 0:05:14.640 be naked. Yeah, so you know, it's always a battle 0:05:14.720 --> 0:05:17.800 just being your true self, titties out and et cetera, 0:05:18.480 --> 0:05:20.839 which brings me to our guest today. 0:05:21.080 --> 0:05:21.880 I like that transition. 0:05:22.080 --> 0:05:27.520 Thank you. Actually, my favorite titties out mom on Instagram 0:05:27.920 --> 0:05:30.880 is here with us again. For is there a third 0:05:30.880 --> 0:05:31.760 time or second time? 0:05:32.440 --> 0:05:34.880 Second we had her on. She came and hung out 0:05:34.880 --> 0:05:35.919 with us on a. 0:05:36.040 --> 0:05:39.120 Zoom, so it's our it's our second time. Oh my god, 0:05:39.279 --> 0:05:44.240 having be Leche here with us, Hi and aby akabriy 0:05:44.720 --> 0:05:47.960 and today it's very special because we're also joined by 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:55.000 her husband, Daniels. The Lynches are here, are in the building, 0:05:57.080 --> 0:05:57.839 so we had breon. 0:05:58.240 --> 0:06:00.719 God, it was like the first year of podcast, I think, 0:06:01.200 --> 0:06:03.880 and she kind of shared what it was like to 0:06:03.960 --> 0:06:05.839 be in an open marriage with her husband and the 0:06:05.880 --> 0:06:06.640 process of that. 0:06:06.839 --> 0:06:08.960 And at that time they had they had one child, 0:06:09.040 --> 0:06:11.240 and I think shortly after that she got pregnant again. 0:06:12.040 --> 0:06:16.880 And Daniel's putting it down over there, I will see, 0:06:18.160 --> 0:06:20.679 and we've kind of like, you know, me and Erica, 0:06:20.760 --> 0:06:23.800 if you haven't noticed, are very nosy bitches, and we'll 0:06:23.880 --> 0:06:25.599 keep up with your life and all your business. And 0:06:25.640 --> 0:06:27.960 so we've been keeping up with you love that and 0:06:28.000 --> 0:06:31.000 all your badns. I know, we like touched some bases 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:32.560 last time we had the zoom. I have so many 0:06:32.640 --> 0:06:35.720 questions because I know, like, okay, just to catch you 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:39.640 up on Bay's status of her open marriage. You know, 0:06:39.760 --> 0:06:41.960 she was really like out there. She was dating mostly. 0:06:42.000 --> 0:06:43.479 It was like Daniel was having a hard time. He 0:06:43.520 --> 0:06:47.039 wasn't like finding anyone in the dating apps. And then update, 0:06:47.240 --> 0:06:51.440 Daniel had a woman. And not only was Daniel had 0:06:51.440 --> 0:06:53.159 a woman, you know, like I also follow you on 0:06:53.160 --> 0:06:55.280 Instagram where I also stalk you, but you know, I 0:06:55.279 --> 0:06:56.919 remember you expressing that the one I don't know if 0:06:56.960 --> 0:06:58.880 it's the same woman. Now you guys can like tell me, 0:06:59.360 --> 0:07:01.680 but she was like the crazy thing is is the 0:07:01.720 --> 0:07:03.560 woman that he found kind of looks like me. 0:07:03.720 --> 0:07:04.919 She's like artsy like me. 0:07:05.279 --> 0:07:07.040 I was like, God, can't she meet someone different? Right 0:07:07.040 --> 0:07:08.200 when you're telling me that, and you're like, but you 0:07:08.279 --> 0:07:09.960 kind of love her so and then I think I 0:07:09.960 --> 0:07:12.640 looked recently and then you had somebody too. 0:07:14.160 --> 0:07:15.760 To find somebody. 0:07:15.800 --> 0:07:18.200 Yeah, I think that's it was, you know I think 0:07:18.520 --> 0:07:20.800 for me, like I really kind of took a break 0:07:20.960 --> 0:07:25.040 with mothering, Like I think I really underestimated how much 0:07:25.080 --> 0:07:27.680 I would love being a mom to babies and like 0:07:27.760 --> 0:07:31.480 how much I would be okay with my non monogamy not. 0:07:31.640 --> 0:07:35.840 Being I don't know, so active. It has been active, 0:07:35.840 --> 0:07:38.160 it just hasn't been so active. So for me, I'm 0:07:38.200 --> 0:07:40.440 kind of in a for twenty twenty two, I'm actually 0:07:40.440 --> 0:07:43.640 thinking about, like, Okay, what kind of relationships am I seeking? 0:07:43.920 --> 0:07:47.840 Because for us, we don't necessarily identify as polyamorous. So 0:07:48.200 --> 0:07:50.880 what that means for me is like I don't have 0:07:50.960 --> 0:07:55.680 to love everybody that I'm seeing, Like my non monogamy 0:07:55.720 --> 0:07:58.640 can definitely be more casual, just depending on what feels 0:07:58.720 --> 0:07:59.880 right for me in the season. 0:08:00.240 --> 0:08:02.480 Well, you said, for you, it's shifted a lot to 0:08:02.600 --> 0:08:07.080 more kind of virtual for yeah, I think that's such 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:07.920 an old person thing. 0:08:10.120 --> 0:08:12.240 Yeah, I think a lot of my non monogamy since 0:08:12.240 --> 0:08:16.280 I've had babies has like existed via like texting, which 0:08:16.280 --> 0:08:20.640 has been really fun and then only recently. Actually, you know, men, 0:08:21.400 --> 0:08:23.040 I'm more hetero than I want to be. 0:08:23.200 --> 0:08:24.680 That's just not this. 0:08:24.720 --> 0:08:29.200 Is most women who are pretty hetero feel this way. 0:08:29.320 --> 0:08:31.640 Is just like I have to be me. 0:08:31.960 --> 0:08:34.120 I'm one of them, right, I feel you so like 0:08:34.400 --> 0:08:35.760 I want girl? 0:08:36.000 --> 0:08:38.520 I what It's true, you're more your head you're more 0:08:38.600 --> 0:08:40.520 you're more hetero and you want to be. 0:08:40.520 --> 0:08:42.320 Yeah, I would like to be a little more lesbian 0:08:42.640 --> 0:08:45.520 because men get on my nerves and that's that's where 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:48.560 that's where I'm better kind of I mean, no offense, Daniel, 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:53.119 I don't know. It's not you. You find you find, you find. 0:08:52.880 --> 0:08:55.640 One, you find one good one, and the chances of 0:08:55.679 --> 0:08:58.240 like finding a second one that you really like enough 0:08:58.320 --> 0:09:01.120 to like to bay up is is challenging. 0:09:01.240 --> 0:09:06.320 And you thought you found not so good, not so good, 0:09:06.360 --> 0:09:07.160 it turns out. 0:09:07.320 --> 0:09:11.520 Really I know you can speak more about that if 0:09:11.520 --> 0:09:12.360 you want. 0:09:12.400 --> 0:09:13.080 But where I'm. 0:09:12.960 --> 0:09:17.480 At, but where I'm at now is I did start 0:09:17.559 --> 0:09:19.679 dating someone at the end of the year where there 0:09:19.720 --> 0:09:21.800 feels like there's some potential there and I'm like, oh, 0:09:21.920 --> 0:09:25.560 am I ready for like another boyfriend you say, last 0:09:25.640 --> 0:09:26.439 year or this year. 0:09:26.320 --> 0:09:28.600 At the end of the last okay, okay. 0:09:28.360 --> 0:09:31.439 Yeah, so so that's still like ramping up right now. 0:09:31.480 --> 0:09:35.000 It gets pretty new. And his name is also Daniel, so. 0:09:34.960 --> 0:09:39.640 That oh you know, Daniel and Daniel and he's also Sagittarius. 0:09:39.840 --> 0:09:45.400 Oh okay, yeah, so that's where my non monogamy is 0:09:45.400 --> 0:09:48.400 at right now. Otherwise, like I have play partners one 0:09:48.440 --> 0:09:52.640 in particular, but it hasn't been like super active. I've gone, 0:09:52.720 --> 0:09:55.560 I've had a lot of like really good first dates, 0:09:55.800 --> 0:09:58.400 but it's never good enough, you know what I mean. 0:09:58.640 --> 0:10:00.480 I'm just like, my time is precious right now, Like 0:10:00.679 --> 0:10:01.920 that was a good date, but. 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:02.880 Not good enough. 0:10:04.040 --> 0:10:05.120 Do I really to do this again? 0:10:05.160 --> 0:10:05.360 Yeah? 0:10:05.400 --> 0:10:08.160 Exactly, Yeah exactly. So that's kind of where I've been. 0:10:09.160 --> 0:10:11.760 And Daniel's actually enjoyed a more active season of non 0:10:11.800 --> 0:10:15.120 monogamy because I've just like really liked me home with Yeah, 0:10:15.840 --> 0:10:16.800 I'm like, yeah, you go ahead. 0:10:17.520 --> 0:10:20.640 Yeah, it's been more that it started over the summer, 0:10:20.800 --> 0:10:22.880 feeling like a little bit more of a role reversal 0:10:22.880 --> 0:10:25.120 in that way. But most of my like I had 0:10:25.160 --> 0:10:27.320 like a couple of different connections that I was kind 0:10:27.320 --> 0:10:30.160 of cultivating throughout the fall that have sort of like 0:10:30.280 --> 0:10:33.360 some of them have kind of turned pages, Like some 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:36.200 of them weren't really sustainable how they were kind of 0:10:36.280 --> 0:10:39.360 unfolding in the moment, so you know, and now I'm 0:10:39.440 --> 0:10:42.040 kind of back with like not a completely blank slate, 0:10:42.080 --> 0:10:44.600 but with a little bit more kind of armed with 0:10:44.640 --> 0:10:46.520 a little bit more self knowledge and armed with a 0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:50.360 little bit more of like the task of the daunting 0:10:50.400 --> 0:10:52.440 task of really figuring out what it is that I 0:10:52.480 --> 0:10:55.840 want and what it is that I'm looking for. So, yeah, 0:10:56.080 --> 0:10:56.400 is that. 0:10:57.920 --> 0:10:59.000 I have so many questions. 0:10:59.080 --> 0:11:00.719 Well before we get into all the essions, I think 0:11:00.760 --> 0:11:02.839 we've really jumped in. And I'm sure people are like. 0:11:02.800 --> 0:11:05.199 Wait, hold up, sorry, who are they? 0:11:05.520 --> 0:11:07.400 What is going on? How? No? 0:11:07.400 --> 0:11:08.440 No, no, no, no, it's good. 0:11:08.440 --> 0:11:10.080 I mean that's just because like we know, we know 0:11:10.160 --> 0:11:12.200 you guys. We can have this conversation. But if you 0:11:12.240 --> 0:11:14.960 guys don't like we give you a little backstory on 0:11:15.040 --> 0:11:17.400 Bee and Daniel, I mean, or they can. But we 0:11:17.440 --> 0:11:20.600 met Bee over the internet, and By and Daniel have 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:23.600 been in a non monogamous open marriage for how long 0:11:24.160 --> 0:11:24.760 eight years? 0:11:25.400 --> 0:11:28.560 But married we've been married for eight but we were 0:11:28.559 --> 0:11:30.640 open before we were married. Even so, we've been open 0:11:30.720 --> 0:11:34.040 for basically the duration of our whole relationship, which has 0:11:34.080 --> 0:11:35.640 been about twelve years now. 0:11:36.200 --> 0:11:38.840 Yeah, not always with like the label or the title 0:11:38.880 --> 0:11:41.160 on it, but like going back and examining the way 0:11:41.160 --> 0:11:43.400 in which we were doing things in those first couple 0:11:43.400 --> 0:11:46.319 of years, it did have like that spirit of openness. 0:11:45.960 --> 0:11:48.679 To and was this your first open relationship? 0:11:48.760 --> 0:11:49.920 Oh yeah, both of them? Right? 0:11:50.080 --> 0:11:53.000 I remember we were so young twenty one. Oh yeah, 0:11:53.040 --> 0:11:57.600 I remember Babe telling us that she you met Daniel 0:11:57.679 --> 0:12:00.120 when you're in another relationship and you loved the guy, 0:12:00.200 --> 0:12:02.560 but you also love Daniel and you had always cheated 0:12:02.720 --> 0:12:05.880 like in high school, and and you're like, you didn't 0:12:06.040 --> 0:12:09.560 understand why, you know, like there's this huge label of 0:12:09.600 --> 0:12:11.480 being a cheater when you can just love multiple people. 0:12:12.400 --> 0:12:14.960 And that was the kind of like word that thought began, right, 0:12:15.320 --> 0:12:16.840 And I just want to confirm because I said this 0:12:16.880 --> 0:12:18.480 and Eric was like, are you sure you guys met 0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:19.320 at Christian College? 0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:19.839 We did? 0:12:20.400 --> 0:12:22.920 I told you we did. 0:12:23.160 --> 0:12:27.280 Christian It's very we're very different people. 0:12:27.240 --> 0:12:33.559 Lead with that deeply as possible. 0:12:33.880 --> 0:12:35.080 Leave it for me to dig it up. 0:12:35.120 --> 0:12:37.400 Did you guys graduate? Yeah? 0:12:37.400 --> 0:12:41.440 Oh my god, it's so beautiful Christian College love it is. 0:12:41.480 --> 0:12:43.079 Oh my god. They gott to bring it back. 0:12:44.760 --> 0:12:48.240 Back. They will not be putting us in like the 0:12:48.559 --> 0:12:49.760 alumni magazine. 0:12:49.840 --> 0:12:50.320 They will not. 0:12:50.840 --> 0:12:53.680 They should should well before we started this episode, you know, 0:12:53.720 --> 0:12:55.840 we always like to pull a card, and Daniel saying 0:12:55.840 --> 0:12:57.680 that he always pulled swords, and of course he did. 0:12:57.880 --> 0:13:04.200 It's not reversed. Your biggest so my love, my Tarot queen, Hello, 0:13:04.559 --> 0:13:06.120 tell us what called Daniels. 0:13:06.559 --> 0:13:10.240 So today we've pulled the four of Swords and we're 0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:13.560 pulled from the mahogany deck that we've been using by 0:13:13.800 --> 0:13:17.680 fellow Mama. So check that out. And basically the Four 0:13:17.840 --> 0:13:22.120 of Swords says it tells you to rest before you 0:13:22.200 --> 0:13:25.400 take on the next challenge. You have reached an important 0:13:25.440 --> 0:13:28.560 first milestone and must recharge your energy before the next 0:13:28.600 --> 0:13:32.960 phase begins, so you are refreshed and ready to go. Right, 0:13:33.160 --> 0:13:35.360 you just said that, you're kind of like, figure out 0:13:35.480 --> 0:13:39.240 what's happening over there weighing. Even if you are highly 0:13:39.280 --> 0:13:42.160 productive and driven, take time out from your busy schedule 0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:44.559 to restore your energy and heal the body and the mind. 0:13:45.040 --> 0:13:47.720 Constant stress and tension will break even the hardest and 0:13:47.760 --> 0:13:50.960 most resilient of people, but brief periods of rest enable 0:13:51.000 --> 0:13:53.920 you to refresh your energy, concentrate, and focus so that 0:13:53.960 --> 0:13:56.040 you are ready for the next challenge. If you've been 0:13:56.080 --> 0:13:58.240 going through tough times recently, such as a trauma or 0:13:58.280 --> 0:14:03.440 breakup or departure, relationship or family problems, financial or health worries, 0:14:03.480 --> 0:14:06.319 stress or conflict, then the Four of Swords comes as 0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:09.439 a sign to take a step back and regain perspective, 0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:11.640 take a day off of work, travel to a new destination, 0:14:11.760 --> 0:14:13.960 or spend time with your loved ones, whatever you need 0:14:14.000 --> 0:14:16.040 to do to take a break. Now is the time 0:14:16.440 --> 0:14:20.720 to make decisions, okay, Danielle. 0:14:21.240 --> 0:14:23.400 Yeah, that's why I haven't been doing shit. 0:14:26.720 --> 0:14:32.400 Check it in. 0:14:34.960 --> 0:14:39.800 Yeah, the swords usually deal with intellect and decision making 0:14:40.160 --> 0:14:43.240 and those type of things, so that makes sense. Yeah, 0:14:43.320 --> 0:14:43.840 a lot of that. 0:14:43.960 --> 0:14:47.680 I think you're definitely in a period of transition, like personally, 0:14:47.800 --> 0:14:48.520 so that makes a. 0:14:48.520 --> 0:14:49.120 Lot of sense. 0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:52.840 Yeah, I sign off on that. 0:14:53.800 --> 0:14:57.080 And it mentioned breakup, which is also Yeah, I mean 0:14:57.120 --> 0:14:57.960 that's true. 0:14:57.960 --> 0:15:01.520 But like I mean mostly what the entire fall, in 0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:05.080 the entire season of really like exploring a little bit 0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:08.800 more depth in my connections and in my relationships was 0:15:09.520 --> 0:15:13.480 like it really illuminated a lot about I don't know, 0:15:13.720 --> 0:15:16.640 my deepest sort of like boss level shit that I've 0:15:16.640 --> 0:15:20.080 got to conquer. So I don't know, like it would 0:15:20.160 --> 0:15:22.840 it ended up being a lot of lessons about like 0:15:22.880 --> 0:15:27.359 in the context of that like a relationship, but ultimately 0:15:27.440 --> 0:15:31.120 like it kind of transferred itself to really revealing a 0:15:31.160 --> 0:15:34.480 lot to me about myself. Some of it good, some 0:15:34.520 --> 0:15:37.440 of it not so good, but all I don't know, 0:15:37.480 --> 0:15:40.200 in the service of being better and getting better. 0:15:40.600 --> 0:15:46.520 Yeah, I think that people underestimate how much different relationships, 0:15:46.600 --> 0:15:50.400 even in friendships, actually are a reflect like can be 0:15:50.400 --> 0:15:52.560 a reflection for yourself and. 0:15:52.560 --> 0:15:54.280 Likely seeing me talk about that. 0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:57.840 You know, like like the more you interact with different people, 0:15:57.880 --> 0:16:01.760 different versions of yourself come up and different lessons and like, 0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:04.520 and then you're like, damn, who am I? This is 0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:06.960 what I want? Like because now you're you've met someone 0:16:07.000 --> 0:16:09.880 new and it's kind of triggered these different things about yourself, 0:16:09.920 --> 0:16:14.000 you know, and like so often in traditional monogamous relationships, 0:16:14.120 --> 0:16:17.760 not that I'm downting traditional monogamous relationships works. 0:16:17.480 --> 0:16:18.160 For some people. 0:16:18.560 --> 0:16:20.200 It works for some people, works for some people, but 0:16:20.320 --> 0:16:23.920 sometimes like maybe I don't want to say that you stuck, 0:16:24.000 --> 0:16:26.840 like you stuck your limited your you're stunted your growth. 0:16:27.760 --> 0:16:31.040 But because well, it really depends on how people conduct 0:16:31.080 --> 0:16:34.640 their monogamy. But the vast majority of folks conduct their 0:16:34.680 --> 0:16:37.400 monogamy in a way that yes, it does stunt. 0:16:37.840 --> 0:16:37.960 Well. 0:16:37.960 --> 0:16:40.200 I remember on our episode you were talking about limiting 0:16:40.200 --> 0:16:42.280 your love, Like if I asked Daniel to limit his 0:16:42.400 --> 0:16:45.320 love with with this other person, then it ultimately that 0:16:45.360 --> 0:16:47.640 affects me and how he shows up for me, and 0:16:47.720 --> 0:16:49.360 like limit and it comes up in so many ways, 0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:52.000 like limiting you know how many people whatever, whether you're 0:16:52.080 --> 0:16:54.880 monogamous or not, but like even your capacity to love. 0:16:54.920 --> 0:16:58.360 You don't have to be sexually active with someone to 0:16:58.440 --> 0:17:01.200 have an intimate relationship intimate relationship. But I think often 0:17:01.240 --> 0:17:05.760 even in monogamy, we close off even that to the 0:17:05.760 --> 0:17:06.360 other opposite. 0:17:06.720 --> 0:17:09.120 It becomes threatening. It becomes threatening. 0:17:09.240 --> 0:17:12.320 Yeah, it becomes threatening, which is toxic monogamy culture. It's 0:17:12.320 --> 0:17:15.359 not how everyone does monogamy, but it is how most 0:17:15.359 --> 0:17:17.960 people do it. And that's one of the things that's 0:17:18.119 --> 0:17:22.840 most unappealing about it for me is like I personally 0:17:22.840 --> 0:17:25.880 like really value growth and I I really I want 0:17:25.920 --> 0:17:29.119 to keep changing throughout this one life that I maybe 0:17:29.119 --> 0:17:30.760 have on the earth. I don't want to stop just 0:17:30.760 --> 0:17:33.400 because I got married when we were in our early twenties, 0:17:33.680 --> 0:17:38.399 and non monogamy has been a huge, maybe the biggest 0:17:38.440 --> 0:17:42.920 part besides the motherhood of my personal growth journey. 0:17:43.000 --> 0:17:45.359 Yeah, and I think that the way that we first 0:17:45.560 --> 0:17:48.720 approached non monogamy for us, it wasn't like, I mean, yeah, 0:17:48.760 --> 0:17:51.240 the sex with other people is appealing, right, that's kind 0:17:51.240 --> 0:17:55.680 of why you sign up for it in some ways. 0:17:53.720 --> 0:18:01.080 Wait, maybe that's. 0:17:59.760 --> 0:18:04.480 It also stemmed from seeing and feeling kind of the 0:18:04.520 --> 0:18:07.320 wrongness of being like okay, being at a wedding and 0:18:07.440 --> 0:18:10.600 feel like the geometry of the dance floor kind of 0:18:10.640 --> 0:18:15.040 get defined by like couples who are not just like 0:18:15.040 --> 0:18:19.800 like sexually monogamous, but like even like will shut off 0:18:19.960 --> 0:18:24.760 like like twelve energetically, like the twelve steps, or that's 0:18:24.800 --> 0:18:26.960 not the best number for it, like the thirteen steps 0:18:26.960 --> 0:18:28.960 that lead up to having sex with someone. 0:18:29.080 --> 0:18:31.520 Right, let me, dancing with you doesn't mean immediately you're 0:18:31.520 --> 0:18:33.840 putting your dick in me, like we're just we're dancing 0:18:33.880 --> 0:18:34.679 and sharing energy. 0:18:34.880 --> 0:18:37.440 But like you people like when you were related, you 0:18:37.640 --> 0:18:40.119 don't can't. We can't dance with anyone else. 0:18:40.840 --> 0:18:43.600 I think most people voluntarily kind of surrender that. 0:18:43.720 --> 0:18:46.679 Right, It's not even something said, yeah. 0:18:46.560 --> 0:18:49.960 It's kind of a cultural expectation that, like monogamy also 0:18:50.240 --> 0:18:55.080 entails all of these other hyper rigid forms of like 0:18:55.520 --> 0:19:01.720 self control or self policing, or unavailability, unavailable an availability 0:19:01.760 --> 0:19:03.359 to people in the world around you. 0:19:03.640 --> 0:19:06.240