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Speaker 2: I love because sometimes the vibrations and the sounds can

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Speaker 1: can get vibe in for the holiday, even if you

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Speaker 1: don't have a Valentine it's the perfect gift to yourself.

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Speaker 3: That's right, you guys.

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Speaker 4: Happy Valentine's Day.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.

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Speaker 3: I'm Erica and I'm Mela. Happy hump Day.

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Speaker 1: Bitch, Happy hump Day. How how you doing. I'm good.

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Speaker 3: I'm good.

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Speaker 2: I'm just enjoying the month of February. Love is in

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Speaker 2: the air, Loving myself is in the air.

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Speaker 1: Yes, thank you guys for joining us this February where

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Speaker 1: the thing for February is for the love of self,

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Speaker 1: because we all know the most important love that we

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Speaker 1: can have is the one for ourselves.

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Speaker 3: Amen.

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Speaker 1: Amen, How is it going. How's your week going?

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Speaker 4: My week is good.

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Speaker 2: I've just been chilling being a mom, being fine as fuck.

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Speaker 2: You know, the typical shit that I do every day.

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Speaker 2: My existence is a gift.

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Speaker 3: So that's it.

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Speaker 1: I feel you same. I'm just being fine doing good

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Speaker 1: dance moves, you know.

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Speaker 3: It is such a great dancer.

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Speaker 5: Thank you.

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Speaker 3: I love the way dance.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. You know, just cooking meals because I'm also

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Speaker 1: good at that, and just you know, just trying to

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Speaker 1: be my best self and make my bed and shit,

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Speaker 1: well I love that for you. Thanks.

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Speaker 6: You know.

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Speaker 3: Making your bed is really crucial.

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Speaker 1: You know, I'm usually getting to it, sometimes i'm not.

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Speaker 1: It's like between the bed and the dishes. I'm just

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Speaker 1: working on being a better adult. I really realize. My

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Speaker 1: therapist and I have really been working on reparenting myself,

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Speaker 1: which is really difficult when you're a real parent and

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Speaker 1: you're parenting someone else. I'm like, wow, this is a

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Speaker 1: lot of work, a lot of parenting happening. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: part of that is making giving myself choice and sometimes

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Speaker 1: I get done, sometimes they don't. I think a part

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Speaker 1: of loving myself is also just really I've been focusing

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Speaker 1: on when the shit doesn't get done. I think I

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Speaker 1: wrote a note this was so important last night, and

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Speaker 1: I couldn't sleep. It was like the things I write

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Speaker 1: in my phone is that I think are important, and

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Speaker 1: I go back, I'm like, what the fuck does this mean?

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Speaker 1: I was like discipline, Wait, oh my god, where is

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Speaker 1: I must see what I wrote. Reparenting and mothering myself

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Speaker 1: simultaneously may require the most commitment, discipline and gentleness. Amen,

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Speaker 1: Why am I writing this in the middle of the night.

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Speaker 1: I have to write this down.

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Speaker 3: Really need to remind yourself.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because that's what I've been doing. So I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to be gentle with myself but also discipline, which yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's difficult.

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Speaker 3: I see it, I feel it, and you're glowing.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. I appreciate that. By the time this actually

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Speaker 1: comes out, will be topless and titties out in Costa

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Speaker 1: Rica apparancing in the jungles, so I'll definitely be looking

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Speaker 1: fine in the jungle.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: So if you're not following us on Instagram and only

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Speaker 2: listening to our sexy boyases, you should definitely go follow

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Speaker 2: us at Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices because there's definitely

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Speaker 2: going to be a lot of nudity in our close

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Speaker 2: friends if Instagram doesn't hate us and delete our account.

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Speaker 2: If not, then maybe we'll start only fans in Costa Rica.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, I know, I was thinking that, like,

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Speaker 1: there's this new play made I don't all the Playboy

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Speaker 1: Playboy OnlyFans. I don't know how you call it, but

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Speaker 1: King Nowir and Jet Sunning Jasmin are on there, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I think I missed the

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Speaker 1: only fans wave, but I think that you.

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Speaker 3: Can get on this one.

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Speaker 1: I think I can get on this one that's called Centerfold.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, is this my calling? Do I need to

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Speaker 1: do yoga and naked on Centerfold? Is that even an option?

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I think it is. I think anything's an option.

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Speaker 1: Oh God, I really do hope you get to I

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Speaker 1: hope you started only fans while we're clostering my dream.

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Speaker 1: Not really, but kind of, you know what it is.

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Speaker 1: I was thinking about my nudity and I was looking

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Speaker 1: at my own page and I was like, wow, I

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Speaker 1: am naked a lot on here. It's true. It's eighty

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Speaker 1: percent of my pictures are naked. I was like, God,

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Speaker 1: those niggas who are talking shit to me weren't lying.

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Speaker 1: And then I was thinking, why why do I need

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Speaker 1: a lot of attention? I was like, no, bitch, you're

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Speaker 1: just generally naked. So if you take a picture, you're

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Speaker 1: gonna be naked. All your pictures are naked because you'll

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Speaker 1: be naked. Yeah, so you know, it's always a battle

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Speaker 1: just being your true self, titties out and et cetera,

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Speaker 1: which brings me to our guest today.

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Speaker 3: I like that transition.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. Actually, my favorite titties out mom on Instagram

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Speaker 1: is here with us again. For is there a third

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Speaker 1: time or second time?

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Speaker 3: Second we had her on. She came and hung out

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Speaker 3: with us on a.

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Speaker 1: Zoom, so it's our it's our second time. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: having be Leche here with us, Hi and aby akabriy

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Speaker 1: and today it's very special because we're also joined by

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Speaker 1: her husband, Daniels. The Lynches are here, are in the building,

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Speaker 1: so we had breon.

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Speaker 2: God, it was like the first year of podcast, I think,

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Speaker 2: and she kind of shared what it was like to

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Speaker 2: be in an open marriage with her husband and the

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Speaker 2: process of that.

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Speaker 1: And at that time they had they had one child,

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Speaker 1: and I think shortly after that she got pregnant again.

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Speaker 1: And Daniel's putting it down over there, I will see,

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Speaker 1: and we've kind of like, you know, me and Erica,

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Speaker 1: if you haven't noticed, are very nosy bitches, and we'll

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Speaker 1: keep up with your life and all your business. And

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Speaker 1: so we've been keeping up with you love that and

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Speaker 1: all your badns. I know, we like touched some bases

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Speaker 1: last time we had the zoom. I have so many

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Speaker 1: questions because I know, like, okay, just to catch you

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Speaker 1: up on Bay's status of her open marriage. You know,

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Speaker 1: she was really like out there. She was dating mostly.

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Speaker 1: It was like Daniel was having a hard time. He

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Speaker 1: wasn't like finding anyone in the dating apps. And then update,

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Speaker 1: Daniel had a woman. And not only was Daniel had

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Speaker 1: a woman, you know, like I also follow you on

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Speaker 1: Instagram where I also stalk you, but you know, I

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Speaker 1: remember you expressing that the one I don't know if

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Speaker 1: it's the same woman. Now you guys can like tell me,

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Speaker 1: but she was like the crazy thing is is the

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Speaker 1: woman that he found kind of looks like me.

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Speaker 3: She's like artsy like me.

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Speaker 1: I was like, God, can't she meet someone different? Right

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Speaker 1: when you're telling me that, and you're like, but you

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Speaker 1: kind of love her so and then I think I

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Speaker 1: looked recently and then you had somebody too.

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Speaker 5: To find somebody.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, I think that's it was, you know I think

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Speaker 7: for me, like I really kind of took a break

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Speaker 7: with mothering, Like I think I really underestimated how much

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Speaker 7: I would love being a mom to babies and like

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Speaker 7: how much I would be okay with my non monogamy not.

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Speaker 8: Being I don't know, so active. It has been active,

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Speaker 8: it just hasn't been so active. So for me, I'm

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Speaker 8: kind of in a for twenty twenty two, I'm actually

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Speaker 8: thinking about, like, Okay, what kind of relationships am I seeking?

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Speaker 8: Because for us, we don't necessarily identify as polyamorous. So

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Speaker 8: what that means for me is like I don't have

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Speaker 8: to love everybody that I'm seeing, Like my non monogamy

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Speaker 8: can definitely be more casual, just depending on what feels

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Speaker 8: right for me in the season.

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Speaker 5: Well, you said, for you, it's shifted a lot to

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Speaker 5: more kind of virtual for yeah, I think that's such

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Speaker 5: an old person thing.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, I think a lot of my non monogamy since

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Speaker 8: I've had babies has like existed via like texting, which

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Speaker 8: has been really fun and then only recently. Actually, you know, men,

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Speaker 8: I'm more hetero than I want to be.

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Speaker 1: That's just not this.

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Speaker 8: Is most women who are pretty hetero feel this way.

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Speaker 1: Is just like I have to be me.

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Speaker 8: I'm one of them, right, I feel you so like

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Speaker 8: I want girl?

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Speaker 2: I what It's true, you're more your head you're more

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Speaker 2: you're more hetero and you want to be.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I would like to be a little more lesbian

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Speaker 1: because men get on my nerves and that's that's where

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Speaker 1: that's where I'm better kind of I mean, no offense, Daniel,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. It's not you. You find you find, you find.

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Speaker 8: One, you find one good one, and the chances of

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Speaker 8: like finding a second one that you really like enough

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Speaker 8: to like to bay up is is challenging.

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Speaker 5: And you thought you found not so good, not so good,

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Speaker 5: it turns out.

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Speaker 8: Really I know you can speak more about that if

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Speaker 8: you want.

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Speaker 1: But where I'm.

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Speaker 6: At, but where I'm at now is I did start

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Speaker 6: dating someone at the end of the year where there

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Speaker 6: feels like there's some potential there and I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 6: am I ready for like another boyfriend you say, last

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Speaker 6: year or this year.

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Speaker 1: At the end of the last okay, okay.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, so so that's still like ramping up right now.

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Speaker 8: It gets pretty new. And his name is also Daniel, so.

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Speaker 1: That oh you know, Daniel and Daniel and he's also Sagittarius.

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Speaker 8: Oh okay, yeah, so that's where my non monogamy is

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Speaker 8: at right now. Otherwise, like I have play partners one

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Speaker 8: in particular, but it hasn't been like super active. I've gone,

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Speaker 8: I've had a lot of like really good first dates,

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Speaker 8: but it's never good enough, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 8: I'm just like, my time is precious right now, Like

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Speaker 8: that was a good date, but.

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Speaker 1: Not good enough.

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Speaker 3: Do I really to do this again?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 8: Exactly, Yeah exactly. So that's kind of where I've been.

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Speaker 8: And Daniel's actually enjoyed a more active season of non

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Speaker 8: monogamy because I've just like really liked me home with Yeah,

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Speaker 8: I'm like, yeah, you go ahead.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it's been more that it started over the summer,

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Speaker 5: feeling like a little bit more of a role reversal

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Speaker 5: in that way. But most of my like I had

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Speaker 5: like a couple of different connections that I was kind

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Speaker 5: of cultivating throughout the fall that have sort of like

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Speaker 5: some of them have kind of turned pages, Like some

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Speaker 5: of them weren't really sustainable how they were kind of

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Speaker 5: unfolding in the moment, so you know, and now I'm

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Speaker 5: kind of back with like not a completely blank slate,

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Speaker 5: but with a little bit more kind of armed with

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Speaker 5: a little bit more self knowledge and armed with a

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Speaker 5: little bit more of like the task of the daunting

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Speaker 5: task of really figuring out what it is that I

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Speaker 5: want and what it is that I'm looking for. So, yeah,

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Speaker 5: is that.

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Speaker 1: I have so many questions.

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Speaker 2: Well before we get into all the essions, I think

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Speaker 2: we've really jumped in. And I'm sure people are like.

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Speaker 1: Wait, hold up, sorry, who are they?

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Speaker 5: What is going on? How? No?

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Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, it's good.

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Speaker 2: I mean that's just because like we know, we know

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Speaker 2: you guys. We can have this conversation. But if you

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Speaker 2: guys don't like we give you a little backstory on

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Speaker 2: Bee and Daniel, I mean, or they can. But we

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Speaker 2: met Bee over the internet, and By and Daniel have

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Speaker 2: been in a non monogamous open marriage for how long

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Speaker 2: eight years?

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Speaker 8: But married we've been married for eight but we were

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Speaker 8: open before we were married. Even so, we've been open

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Speaker 8: for basically the duration of our whole relationship, which has

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Speaker 8: been about twelve years now.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, not always with like the label or the title

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Speaker 5: on it, but like going back and examining the way

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Speaker 5: in which we were doing things in those first couple

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Speaker 5: of years, it did have like that spirit of openness.

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Speaker 3: To and was this your first open relationship?

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Speaker 5: Oh yeah, both of them? Right?

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Speaker 1: I remember we were so young twenty one. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: I remember Babe telling us that she you met Daniel

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Speaker 1: when you're in another relationship and you loved the guy,

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Speaker 1: but you also love Daniel and you had always cheated

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Speaker 1: like in high school, and and you're like, you didn't

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Speaker 1: understand why, you know, like there's this huge label of

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Speaker 1: being a cheater when you can just love multiple people.

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Speaker 1: And that was the kind of like word that thought began, right,

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Speaker 1: And I just want to confirm because I said this

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Speaker 1: and Eric was like, are you sure you guys met

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Speaker 1: at Christian College?

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Speaker 5: We did?

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Speaker 1: I told you we did.

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Speaker 8: Christian It's very we're very different people.

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Speaker 5: Lead with that deeply as possible.

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Speaker 1: Leave it for me to dig it up.

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Speaker 3: Did you guys graduate? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's so beautiful Christian College love it is.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god. They gott to bring it back.

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Speaker 5: Back. They will not be putting us in like the

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Speaker 5: alumni magazine.

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Speaker 1: They will not.

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Speaker 2: They should should well before we started this episode, you know,

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Speaker 2: we always like to pull a card, and Daniel saying

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Speaker 2: that he always pulled swords, and of course he did.

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Speaker 3: It's not reversed. Your biggest so my love, my Tarot queen, Hello,

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Speaker 3: tell us what called Daniels.

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Speaker 1: So today we've pulled the four of Swords and we're

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Speaker 1: pulled from the mahogany deck that we've been using by

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Speaker 1: fellow Mama. So check that out. And basically the Four

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Speaker 1: of Swords says it tells you to rest before you

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Speaker 1: take on the next challenge. You have reached an important

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Speaker 1: first milestone and must recharge your energy before the next

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Speaker 1: phase begins, so you are refreshed and ready to go. Right,

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Speaker 1: you just said that, you're kind of like, figure out

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Speaker 1: what's happening over there weighing. Even if you are highly

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Speaker 1: productive and driven, take time out from your busy schedule

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Speaker 1: to restore your energy and heal the body and the mind.

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Speaker 1: Constant stress and tension will break even the hardest and

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Speaker 1: most resilient of people, but brief periods of rest enable

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Speaker 1: you to refresh your energy, concentrate, and focus so that

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Speaker 1: you are ready for the next challenge. If you've been

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Speaker 1: going through tough times recently, such as a trauma or

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Speaker 1: breakup or departure, relationship or family problems, financial or health worries,

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Speaker 1: stress or conflict, then the Four of Swords comes as

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Speaker 1: a sign to take a step back and regain perspective,

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Speaker 1: take a day off of work, travel to a new destination,

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Speaker 1: or spend time with your loved ones, whatever you need

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Speaker 1: to do to take a break. Now is the time

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Speaker 1: to make decisions, okay, Danielle.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that's why I haven't been doing shit.

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Speaker 3: Check it in.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, the swords usually deal with intellect and decision making

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Speaker 1: and those type of things, so that makes sense. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: a lot of that.

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Speaker 8: I think you're definitely in a period of transition, like personally,

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Speaker 8: so that makes a.

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Speaker 1: Lot of sense.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I sign off on that.

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Speaker 8: And it mentioned breakup, which is also Yeah, I mean

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Speaker 8: that's true.

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Speaker 5: But like I mean mostly what the entire fall, in

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Speaker 5: the entire season of really like exploring a little bit

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Speaker 5: more depth in my connections and in my relationships was

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Speaker 5: like it really illuminated a lot about I don't know,

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Speaker 5: my deepest sort of like boss level shit that I've

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Speaker 5: got to conquer. So I don't know, like it would

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Speaker 5: it ended up being a lot of lessons about like

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Speaker 5: in the context of that like a relationship, but ultimately

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Speaker 5: like it kind of transferred itself to really revealing a

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Speaker 5: lot to me about myself. Some of it good, some

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Speaker 5: of it not so good, but all I don't know,

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Speaker 5: in the service of being better and getting better.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that people underestimate how much different relationships,

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Speaker 1: even in friendships, actually are a reflect like can be

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Speaker 1: a reflection for yourself and.

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Speaker 8: Likely seeing me talk about that.

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Speaker 1: You know, like like the more you interact with different people,

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Speaker 1: different versions of yourself come up and different lessons and like,

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Speaker 1: and then you're like, damn, who am I? This is

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Speaker 1: what I want? Like because now you're you've met someone

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Speaker 1: new and it's kind of triggered these different things about yourself,

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Speaker 1: you know, and like so often in traditional monogamous relationships,

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Speaker 1: not that I'm downting traditional monogamous relationships works.

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Speaker 8: For some people.

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Speaker 1: It works for some people, works for some people, but

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Speaker 1: sometimes like maybe I don't want to say that you stuck,

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Speaker 1: like you stuck your limited your you're stunted your growth.

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Speaker 8: But because well, it really depends on how people conduct

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Speaker 8: their monogamy. But the vast majority of folks conduct their

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Speaker 8: monogamy in a way that yes, it does stunt.

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Speaker 4: Well.

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Speaker 2: I remember on our episode you were talking about limiting

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Speaker 2: your love, Like if I asked Daniel to limit his

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Speaker 2: love with with this other person, then it ultimately that

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Speaker 2: affects me and how he shows up for me, and

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Speaker 2: like limit and it comes up in so many ways,

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Speaker 2: like limiting you know how many people whatever, whether you're

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Speaker 2: monogamous or not, but like even your capacity to love.

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Speaker 2: You don't have to be sexually active with someone to

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Speaker 2: have an intimate relationship intimate relationship. But I think often

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Speaker 2: even in monogamy, we close off even that to the

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Speaker 2: other opposite.

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Speaker 1: It becomes threatening. It becomes threatening.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, it becomes threatening, which is toxic monogamy culture. It's

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Speaker 8: not how everyone does monogamy, but it is how most

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Speaker 8: people do it. And that's one of the things that's

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Speaker 8: most unappealing about it for me is like I personally

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Speaker 8: like really value growth and I I really I want

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Speaker 8: to keep changing throughout this one life that I maybe

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Speaker 8: have on the earth. I don't want to stop just

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Speaker 8: because I got married when we were in our early twenties,

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Speaker 8: and non monogamy has been a huge, maybe the biggest

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Speaker 8: part besides the motherhood of my personal growth journey.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and I think that the way that we first

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Speaker 5: approached non monogamy for us, it wasn't like, I mean, yeah,

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Speaker 5: the sex with other people is appealing, right, that's kind

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Speaker 5: of why you sign up for it in some ways.

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Speaker 1: Wait, maybe that's.

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Speaker 5: It also stemmed from seeing and feeling kind of the

383
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Speaker 5: wrongness of being like okay, being at a wedding and

384
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Speaker 5: feel like the geometry of the dance floor kind of

385
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Speaker 5: get defined by like couples who are not just like

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Speaker 5: like sexually monogamous, but like even like will shut off

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Speaker 5: like like twelve energetically, like the twelve steps, or that's

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Speaker 5: not the best number for it, like the thirteen steps

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Speaker 5: that lead up to having sex with someone.

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Speaker 2: Right, let me, dancing with you doesn't mean immediately you're

391
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Speaker 2: putting your dick in me, like we're just we're dancing

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Speaker 2: and sharing energy.

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Speaker 3: But like you people like when you were related, you

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Speaker 3: don't can't. We can't dance with anyone else.

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Speaker 5: I think most people voluntarily kind of surrender that.

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Speaker 8: Right, It's not even something said, yeah.

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Speaker 5: It's kind of a cultural expectation that, like monogamy also

398
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Speaker 5: entails all of these other hyper rigid forms of like

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Speaker 5: self control or self policing, or unavailability, unavailable an availability

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Speaker 5: to people in the world around you.

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Speaker 1: And then it's marketed as well. I mean, I want

402
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Speaker 1: to make you comfortable. I don't want to make him uncomfortable.

403
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,520
Speaker 1: It's always marketed that way, like, well, don't you want

404
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:11,240
Speaker 1: to make me comfortable?

405
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Speaker 2: They market both both sexes different ways too, Like men

406
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Speaker 2: are like these men that can't help themselves.

407
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Speaker 3: So you don't approach a man and like.

408
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:22,040
Speaker 2: Be appealing dance with him, because he'll automatically assume he

409
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Speaker 2: wants to sleep with you, which I don't know.

410
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Speaker 3: I mean, maybe it's a fifty fifties thing there.

411
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Speaker 2: And then when any woman that would approach a man

412
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Speaker 2: who's clearly here with another woman in joy and dance must.

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Speaker 1: Be a hub and conversation, right right, you know, it's

414
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Speaker 1: just like.

415
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Speaker 2: We can't just all enjoy ourselves exactly and not want

416
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Speaker 2: to have sex. But also maybe, I mean I've literally

417
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Speaker 2: seen men like, oh my god, this happened to us.

418
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Speaker 2: We were at a fucking wedding and we were asked

419
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Speaker 2: to move some chairs and they were big ass shares

420
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Speaker 2: and was in the desert. It was a long distance,

421
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Speaker 2: lots of men, Me and.

422
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Speaker 1: This bitch carrying three stacked chairs in heels in the dirt. Men, men, men,

423
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Speaker 1: they were with women.

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Speaker 8: Now not one man, see that's a perfect one man

425
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Speaker 8: was like.

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Speaker 1: Hey, let me help you. No, Like, my bitch is

427
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,760
Speaker 1: not about to cuss me out for helping this bitch.

428
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Speaker 1: They watched us carry those motherfucking chairs go.

429
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Speaker 5: I was like.

430
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Speaker 1: Audacity. I was like, if that was my man, I

431
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Speaker 1: would be fucking embarrassed.

432
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Speaker 3: I was pissed. I was pissed.

433
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Speaker 2: I was like, kind of fucking men, they see us

434
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Speaker 2: with these stilettos, this.

435
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Speaker 1: Dirt, They looked scared as hell. They didn't look out

436
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:37,080
Speaker 1: in our direction. Okay, they held their bitches hands and

437
00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:42,920
Speaker 1: they didn't look at didn't like what they're like, you're mine,

438
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Speaker 1: you better look at that bitch. I don't care IF's struggling.

439
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:47,040
Speaker 1: I don't care if she falls.

440
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Speaker 8: I think that's a good example. And like another thing

441
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Speaker 8: for us is just how it breaks down community, like

442
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:56,040
Speaker 8: monogamy breaks down community.

443
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,840
Speaker 5: Wow, that's you can't see. You can't see like a

444
00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:03,600
Speaker 5: basic human need of carrying multiple heavy chairs across Like

445
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,640
Speaker 5: it's a basic you know, it's a situation where there's

446
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:10,160
Speaker 5: a basic human need there, right, and you won't even

447
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:10,760
Speaker 5: recognize it.

448
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,720
Speaker 3: Right, It's true. I mean I think it does.

449
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:15,040
Speaker 2: It's like it does break down like that community effort,

450
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,280
Speaker 2: the community help that it's just like we're all in

451
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:20,439
Speaker 2: it together and we all need help, and like we

452
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,480
Speaker 2: all need love all can experience each other's different versions

453
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:23,960
Speaker 2: of love.

454
00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:26,000
Speaker 3: You know, like I never.

455
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,160
Speaker 2: Really thought about it that way, but that's so that's

456
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:28,960
Speaker 2: really interesting.

457
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:31,320
Speaker 1: I know we like, okay, we had briefly discussed that

458
00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:33,440
Speaker 1: this episode was going to be like the five ways

459
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:36,600
Speaker 1: to successfully open in your marriage, or like know, if

460
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:38,760
Speaker 1: it's time, and I think maybe that's step one. Do

461
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,480
Speaker 1: you have a need to to like broaden your community

462
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:44,080
Speaker 1: and continue to grow as an individual, Maybe that's something

463
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:46,560
Speaker 1: that applies to you, and it's time, that's how you know,

464
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:49,720
Speaker 1: like do we both have this same goal in mind

465
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:52,000
Speaker 1: to grow in this way and to like make our

466
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,720
Speaker 1: community broad and comfortable in this way? Because you know,

467
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:56,119
Speaker 1: I was talking about it. For us, it makes so

468
00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:59,640
Speaker 1: much fucking sense, right, like love thy neighbor show up,

469
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:02,120
Speaker 1: you know, like you could like I'm a very intimate

470
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:05,600
Speaker 1: person that way, Like I like to cuddle people like

471
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:08,280
Speaker 1: like like it doesn't necessarily.

472
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:08,560
Speaker 3: Have to for me.

473
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:11,679
Speaker 1: It is intimate, but it's friendly, like we're getting close,

474
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:13,520
Speaker 1: you know, like I have even in my friendships, I've

475
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,200
Speaker 1: always said this, like I want my man to be

476
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,800
Speaker 1: able to like be a protector of my friends too,

477
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:19,120
Speaker 1: Like if my friend comes and gets in the bed

478
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:21,680
Speaker 1: with us, like cuddle us. Yeah, you know, like I don't,

479
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:23,920
Speaker 1: like I want to feel that love and also feel

480
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,399
Speaker 1: the trust, you know, like, and I think when people

481
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,679
Speaker 1: put all this pressure like that's my man, that's my man,

482
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:30,920
Speaker 1: I don't care if you're my friend. It's like, bitch,

483
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:33,600
Speaker 1: I'm your friend, so right, Like you don't think I'm

484
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:35,640
Speaker 1: a run off into the sunset, which you're richer man,

485
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:36,919
Speaker 1: Like I hope not, but like.

486
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,320
Speaker 3: That's exactly why I don't care if you're my friendly.

487
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:41,680
Speaker 5: Yeah.

488
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:46,360
Speaker 1: Actually, and that's always been so weird to me totally,

489
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:49,080
Speaker 1: you know, Like and obviously for some people listening and

490
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,080
Speaker 1: for a lot of my friends are like, bitch, you're weird,

491
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:53,480
Speaker 1: and get the fuck away from my nigger, you know,

492
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,440
Speaker 1: and please don't take your titties out. And for me,

493
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:58,960
Speaker 1: it's just like intimacy, and like, I really I want

494
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:00,320
Speaker 1: you to spend time with my friends and get to

495
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:02,400
Speaker 1: know them and like them and have a personal relationship

496
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:04,760
Speaker 1: because it's my friend, and I think that they're cool,

497
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:06,159
Speaker 1: and I think that you're cool, and I think that

498
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:08,880
Speaker 1: that makes sense, you know, whereas like I have even

499
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,400
Speaker 1: though I've been in relationships and known people for years,

500
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 1: even with you know, and they're like, why are you

501
00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:15,160
Speaker 1: talking to him? Why are you getting I'm like, ask

502
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:15,959
Speaker 1: you about his grandma?

503
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:16,520
Speaker 3: What the fuck?

504
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:16,680
Speaker 5: Like?

505
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:20,080
Speaker 8: Yeah, And I think you're hitting on Another reason that

506
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:24,280
Speaker 8: we really love non monogamy is it forces you to

507
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:28,680
Speaker 8: inquire a little more deeply, like why do you feel

508
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,040
Speaker 8: those things? You know so like for your friends, like

509
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:35,200
Speaker 8: why do you feel so threatened by me? I don't

510
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:39,280
Speaker 8: know having my tits sound front of your But like

511
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:40,880
Speaker 8: what non monogamy.

512
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:43,480
Speaker 2: Forces you to do is like it's actually totally normal.

513
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:45,879
Speaker 3: Actually that's one of the problems.

514
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:47,399
Speaker 5: For me.

515
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:50,359
Speaker 8: But okay, conversal, let's let's back it up conversation like

516
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:53,080
Speaker 8: why why can't I have a conversation with your husband

517
00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:56,240
Speaker 8: without you there? Like why does that actually bother you?

518
00:23:56,480 --> 00:24:00,600
Speaker 8: Like what is the deeper reason? And non monogamy forces

519
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:04,320
Speaker 8: you to grapple with those questions and to do that

520
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:07,320
Speaker 8: deep work that you wouldn't have to do otherwise.

521
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,320
Speaker 1: And it's so true some.

522
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:11,880
Speaker 3: People don't want to do it though, that's the reason.

523
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:13,480
Speaker 8: That's exactly exactly.

524
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:14,320
Speaker 3: It's like, ooh, I don't.

525
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:14,560
Speaker 8: I don't.

526
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:15,320
Speaker 3: I don't want to.

527
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,639
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have to. If you're mine, I shouldn't have

528
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:22,280
Speaker 1: to think about exactly. That's not it's not about why

529
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:24,080
Speaker 1: I feel uncofortable? Is that why your chips have to

530
00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:26,520
Speaker 1: be out? Like it's you that you're the problem, not me,

531
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:29,680
Speaker 1: And like that's just a lot of people don't want

532
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:34,400
Speaker 1: to dissect jealousy and like it's never jealousy, it's something else.

533
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 1: It's an underlying thing. There's not You're just not just jealous,

534
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,359
Speaker 1: you know. Like this happened to me this week. I

535
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:45,080
Speaker 1: have a lover, Orlando, and he is in New York,

536
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:47,400
Speaker 1: like living his best life, and he's always like checking

537
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:50,160
Speaker 1: and telling me things. And the other day and he's

538
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:52,320
Speaker 1: also has a podcast. So the other day I was

539
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:56,960
Speaker 1: scrolling and he was talking someone one of his people

540
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,959
Speaker 1: that he has like a relationship with, also has a podcast,

541
00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:02,560
Speaker 1: and I'm scrolling past her podcast and I see her

542
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:06,840
Speaker 1: talking about a sexual encounter and I'm like, I'm like

543
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:11,800
Speaker 1: waiting to see if she's gonna say who it is, yeah,

544
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:16,440
Speaker 1: and then she does, and then I was annoyed. I

545
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:18,160
Speaker 1: was like I'm annoyed, and I was like I'm gonna

546
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 1: have to check in with this. I'm gonna have to

547
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:21,679
Speaker 1: figure out why I'm so annoyed. I'm like, first of all,

548
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 1: this is what I do as a podcaster, and I'm like,

549
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:26,240
Speaker 1: this is what anyone dating me has to deal with.

550
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 1: And I was like, I don't like that. Don't date you.

551
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:34,359
Speaker 1: What you're asking people for you can't handle. Okay, perfect.

552
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:37,040
Speaker 8: I was like, that's one of your late night notes

553
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:39,159
Speaker 8: in your phone, right right.

554
00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:42,919
Speaker 2: I would have loved to scroll through your notes an

555
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:45,120
Speaker 2: episode scroll that would be good.

556
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:47,160
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's so deep in there, it's so emo,

557
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:53,359
Speaker 1: so much to do. Yeah, episodes, it's so emo. But

558
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:55,280
Speaker 1: you know, I text him, I was like, I don't know.

559
00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:57,159
Speaker 1: I just wanted to check in with myself. I was like,

560
00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:58,720
Speaker 1: I'm just telling you, not that it's an issue.

561
00:25:58,760 --> 00:25:59,000
Speaker 8: It's me.

562
00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 1: It's a me issue. But I was thinking, I'm happy

563
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:05,200
Speaker 1: to have this relationship where I can address myself and

564
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:07,239
Speaker 1: then address it out loud to someone else, and then

565
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:09,800
Speaker 1: together we could work through what was the problem, Where

566
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:12,560
Speaker 1: is the issue lying? And like, the more you explore

567
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:14,879
Speaker 1: and sit in the feeling of like that annoyed me

568
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:17,720
Speaker 1: because immediately I was like, but how do.

569
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:19,440
Speaker 3: You guys work through jealousy, Like, is that something that

570
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:22,720
Speaker 3: you guys encounter a lot? Is it like throughout the years?

571
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:25,800
Speaker 3: Does it get better over time or I think yes

572
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 3: and no.

573
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:29,920
Speaker 8: The thing that's interesting for me about it is that

574
00:26:30,119 --> 00:26:35,200
Speaker 8: every connection will potentially like trigger different things for you,

575
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:38,240
Speaker 8: Like each person that your partner dates, just depending on

576
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,399
Speaker 8: who they are, and then also depending on where you're at,

577
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:44,359
Speaker 8: you know, how you're doing personally, maybe it'll trigger you

578
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:47,239
Speaker 8: more or less or what you got going on if

579
00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:49,600
Speaker 8: I'm dating you know, somebody else, and it feels like

580
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:52,640
Speaker 8: kind of even There's a lot of factors. So that's

581
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:56,640
Speaker 8: been my experience with it throughout yeah time.

582
00:26:57,119 --> 00:26:59,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean I think for myself, I've definitely gone

583
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:03,520
Speaker 5: through like seasons where I engage it more readily, like

584
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:06,119
Speaker 5: the jealousy and want to know kind of what's under it.

585
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:10,520
Speaker 5: I'll also go through seasons of like total avoidance mode

586
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:13,800
Speaker 5: with it, like or even like denial of jealousy, you know,

587
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:16,720
Speaker 5: because it's it's easier to just kind of, you know,

588
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:19,720
Speaker 5: say that you don't feel jealousy, that you don't experience it,

589
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 5: but really like what you're doing is kind of numbing

590
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:25,080
Speaker 5: yourself and so like, and then that needs working through,

591
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:28,080
Speaker 5: and so I kind of will oscillate back and forth

592
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:31,280
Speaker 5: between those seasons. And sometimes when you think you're confronting

593
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 5: jealousy in a real and authentic way, actually you take

594
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:37,159
Speaker 5: a better assessment of it and you're like, nah, I

595
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:40,080
Speaker 5: think I was not really facing what it was making

596
00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:40,520
Speaker 5: me feel.

597
00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:43,879
Speaker 2: Times it's usually, like you said, what you're facing is

598
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:47,680
Speaker 2: something like within you, it has nothing to do with her, right,

599
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:49,880
Speaker 2: So do would you say that non monogamy also has

600
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:53,440
Speaker 2: like kind of helped you tap into certain parts that

601
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:56,480
Speaker 2: you need to heal within yourself, right percent.

602
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:57,760
Speaker 5: I'll say a thousand percent.

603
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:01,560
Speaker 8: Yeah, I mean I think this has kind of been

604
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:03,800
Speaker 8: on our minds a lot lately on the back of

605
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:07,840
Speaker 8: Daniel's last relationship, which you kind of touched on earlier.

606
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 8: I think it was his most intense relationship that he's

607
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:16,560
Speaker 8: experienced since we've been open, so it's right, yeah, or.

608
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:18,920
Speaker 5: That I've allowed myself to experience.

609
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:23,280
Speaker 8: Yeah, So that was just a really it was just

610
00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:25,399
Speaker 8: really rich with a lot of learning for both of

611
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 8: us because I'm like, whoa, you really like this person?

612
00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:32,320
Speaker 8: Like this hasn't happened before, Like, because you'll go on

613
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:33,840
Speaker 8: his dates and it'll have a good time, but like,

614
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:36,639
Speaker 8: this is the first person I was like, oh, you

615
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:42,880
Speaker 8: really like her, Like, oh okayah Saw, So I'm so

616
00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:43,680
Speaker 8: happy for you.

617
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:46,600
Speaker 5: So I was.

618
00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:49,320
Speaker 8: And I think that was so good for us though,

619
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:52,720
Speaker 8: because it flipped the script on like what we've been

620
00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:56,240
Speaker 8: mostly dealing with, because I've had deeper connections in the

621
00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:58,920
Speaker 8: past than he has, so we've kind of been on

622
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:02,280
Speaker 8: the opposite side prior, and so it was really good

623
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 8: to both get to see the other side where I'm like, whoa,

624
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:07,360
Speaker 8: you had to deal with this. This is hard, Like

625
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 8: my feelings are a little hurd like having to deal

626
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 8: you dealt with this, like, oh my god, thank you.

627
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 8: And and then for him, like whoa, you had to

628
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 8: navigate like two different people's feelings and your own, Like

629
00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:19,720
Speaker 8: that's really.

630
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:21,600
Speaker 5: Hard beside what it is you feel.

631
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 8: Yeah, And so it was really this latest relationship for us,

632
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:28,560
Speaker 8: I think taught us the most that that and he

633
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:30,200
Speaker 8: has so far.

634
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:31,280
Speaker 1: At least in a while.

635
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:34,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, but ultimately most I mean for me, most of

636
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:38,440
Speaker 5: those lessons are about myself, you know, and like I mean,

637
00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:41,600
Speaker 5: I think one of the things that being non monogamous

638
00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:45,600
Speaker 5: and like reaching these deeper levels of it with one another.

639
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:48,840
Speaker 5: Has has really taught me, is I think I could

640
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:52,160
Speaker 5: have gone through like a lifelong I might have been

641
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,800
Speaker 5: able to go through a lifelong monogamous lesson, just like

642
00:29:55,560 --> 00:30:01,200
Speaker 5: a relationship, just feeling content in, satisfied and assured of

643
00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:06,160
Speaker 5: my good guyness, you know, and like feeling good about

644
00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:08,960
Speaker 5: the ways in which I questioned patriarchy, feeling good about

645
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 5: the ways in which, like I felt myself to be

646
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:13,920
Speaker 5: a feminist. But like when you really put yourself kind

647
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:16,760
Speaker 5: of on the line like this and allow yourself to

648
00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:21,160
Speaker 5: encounter those feelings of jealousy, and what's actually underneath them,

649
00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:24,480
Speaker 5: like actually underneath them, is that like a desire to control?

650
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 5: Like you know, is this a fear of like letting

651
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:31,840
Speaker 5: you express like your fullest and most authentic part of yourself?

652
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 5: You know, Like, I guess it's really made clear for

653
00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:41,440
Speaker 5: me how deep the imprint of like toxic masculinity and

654
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:45,440
Speaker 5: misogyny and all of that stuff is. And yeah, that's

655
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:48,560
Speaker 5: not like a particularly fun thing to say, but I

656
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:49,280
Speaker 5: mean I think.

657
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:52,480
Speaker 1: Seeve, I'm telling you, we got no I mean, but yeah,

658
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:54,360
Speaker 1: yeah to all that, I.

659
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:57,920
Speaker 2: Think too, I mean obviously, I mean even talking about

660
00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:00,719
Speaker 2: toxic masculinity. I mean, some men might some look at

661
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:02,760
Speaker 2: you and are like, oh my god, this is the ship.

662
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:05,640
Speaker 2: Like you're a guy and your wife lets you fuck

663
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:06,440
Speaker 2: other girls?

664
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:10,880
Speaker 3: Like oh, and that's the fucking score man. And then

665
00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 3: they like what does she fuck other guys?

666
00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 5: Yeah?

667
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:14,400
Speaker 3: And you're like yeah and they're like.

668
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:21,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know.

669
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:23,320
Speaker 2: It's like it's because I think too, I think men

670
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:25,560
Speaker 2: this would at least what I've heard from here from men,

671
00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:27,560
Speaker 2: and I think women are this way too in ways,

672
00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:29,760
Speaker 2: but they're such a visual creature, so like when they

673
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:34,600
Speaker 2: think about, like, you know, sex, they immediately visualize it.

674
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:37,880
Speaker 3: And the visual of it of a woman possibly.

675
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:42,080
Speaker 1: Like receiving somebody else's intimacy is just like the ultimate

676
00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:45,720
Speaker 1: ego kill for a man. And I guess we've learned

677
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:48,440
Speaker 1: and been a condition to believe like what the man

678
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:51,320
Speaker 1: manhood is, you know, like that they control and that

679
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 1: they you're.

680
00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:53,120
Speaker 3: Exclusive to them.

681
00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:55,600
Speaker 1: And even in that me scrolling, I was like I

682
00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 1: wanted something exclusive and I'm like, oh my god, I've

683
00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:00,240
Speaker 1: heard men say this to me. I was like only

684
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:01,560
Speaker 1: saying shit, and I was like, oh, I just want

685
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:05,520
Speaker 1: you to be like selected, and I'm like I was

686
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:07,040
Speaker 1: like I was like trying to host shame him. I'm like,

687
00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:07,840
Speaker 1: I'm trying to host shame you.

688
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:08,520
Speaker 5: Just let me.

689
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:12,880
Speaker 1: Oh god, I hate how I sound.

690
00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:15,680
Speaker 8: That's so good for you.

691
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:16,200
Speaker 5: I know.

692
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:20,600
Speaker 1: I feel like and I even like last year. We

693
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 1: started hanging out last year and I was jealous. He

694
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,840
Speaker 1: had another lover at that time, and it was a

695
00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:29,080
Speaker 1: rift in their relationship because I don't think there anyone

696
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:32,600
Speaker 1: else had come along, and I was experiencing jealousy about

697
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:35,600
Speaker 1: certain things. But I'm the type like Daniel. I'm like,

698
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:39,040
Speaker 1: I'm too cool to acknowledge it. I don't care, and

699
00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:40,840
Speaker 1: in fact, like in my mind I care, but I'm

700
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:42,560
Speaker 1: like I was cool. I'm just gonna get somebody like

701
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:44,440
Speaker 1: it's cool, like I don't really care that much because

702
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:46,240
Speaker 1: I don't really care about them. It's not that serious.

703
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:48,240
Speaker 1: I knew I was like in love five minutes ago.

704
00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:52,200
Speaker 1: But I can see how much I've grown in just

705
00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:55,000
Speaker 1: a year, even in like a long distance like friendship

706
00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:56,600
Speaker 1: that I could just call you and be like, oh,

707
00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:58,960
Speaker 1: I forgot to tell you. It was really triggered. I

708
00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:00,719
Speaker 1: trid to mention how trick I was. He's like why,

709
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:02,480
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't know I'm working through it.

710
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:04,240
Speaker 2: I know, I don't know how to shut the fuck

711
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:06,000
Speaker 2: up about my feelings to the people that I love.

712
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:08,000
Speaker 2: It's so annoying, and like, I don't know, I think

713
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,240
Speaker 2: I'm not non monogamous per se. I don't really know

714
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:12,040
Speaker 2: what I am because I'm not in a relationship right now.

715
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:15,480
Speaker 2: But I think that just being open to talking to

716
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 2: the people that you love and your partners about how

717
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:21,160
Speaker 2: you're feeling, especially has been I mean, especially when you

718
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:23,640
Speaker 2: are together, like it becomes like you can't even keep

719
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:25,560
Speaker 2: things in anymore. I mean, I'm sure like you guys,

720
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,760
Speaker 2: you know, share a lot, and I mean even talk

721
00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:30,760
Speaker 2: to you talking about the situation that kind of opened

722
00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:33,360
Speaker 2: you guys up and like you know, allowed you to.

723
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:35,800
Speaker 3: Have to face certain things, and you to face certain things.

724
00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:38,280
Speaker 2: I think a lot of people like their questions why

725
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:40,640
Speaker 2: people open up the relationship is like, well, when you

726
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:42,760
Speaker 2: open up a relationship, you open up a can of worms,

727
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,240
Speaker 2: and inevitably, like you open up the opportunity or the

728
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:48,600
Speaker 2: possibility that your partner could potentially leave you right like

729
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:52,520
Speaker 2: they might experience another unlock, some other version of love

730
00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:54,880
Speaker 2: that they're ready to go deep in, and like you know,

731
00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 2: what is your thoughts on that or like, I'm sure

732
00:33:57,360 --> 00:34:00,600
Speaker 2: you guys have had these conversations before, Like, yeah, I

733
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:01,000
Speaker 2: think for.

734
00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:03,880
Speaker 8: Me, and this is what I tell folks because I

735
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:08,200
Speaker 8: coach other folks on their non monogamous journeys. Ultimately, you

736
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:11,080
Speaker 8: just have to accept that possibility, right, And then you

737
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:13,520
Speaker 8: also have to remember that even in monogamy, there are

738
00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:18,040
Speaker 8: things outside of your control. Like even in a monogamous relationship, Yeah,

739
00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:20,759
Speaker 8: your partner could leave you for somebody else, that's still

740
00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:23,759
Speaker 8: an option. Your partner could just decide they don't want

741
00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:26,920
Speaker 8: to be with you anymore. Your partner could I don't know,

742
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 8: pass away, Like, yeah, there's lots of things that could

743
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:33,680
Speaker 8: happen where that same outcome is there. So I say

744
00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:36,719
Speaker 8: that first of all, like okay, But then second of all,

745
00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:39,439
Speaker 8: and I think I might have said this the first

746
00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:42,800
Speaker 8: time we chatted a long time ago. Is you have

747
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:47,719
Speaker 8: to trust that you love your partner so much that

748
00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:52,160
Speaker 8: wouldn't you want that for them? Like if Daniel met

749
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:56,120
Speaker 8: a woman that was a better fit for him, then

750
00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:59,240
Speaker 8: I am like, WHOA, because we're.

751
00:34:59,080 --> 00:34:59,600
Speaker 1: A good fit.

752
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:03,400
Speaker 5: So like if that even said that to myself, by

753
00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:06,400
Speaker 5: the way, I mean, you have it.

754
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:08,399
Speaker 4: No, bitch.

755
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:13,400
Speaker 5: For the record, I would not be happy for you,

756
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:16,560
Speaker 5: not the same.

757
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:17,920
Speaker 1: Well, that's fine.

758
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:19,360
Speaker 5: I aspire to it.

759
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:23,040
Speaker 1: I aspired, and I think that's good. And I mean,

760
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:24,560
Speaker 1: am I all the way there?

761
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:26,520
Speaker 8: Like if it were to happen tomorrow, what I would

762
00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:27,680
Speaker 8: just be completely okay with it?

763
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:28,320
Speaker 5: Of course not.

764
00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:31,279
Speaker 8: But I think in like my most highest self and

765
00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:32,880
Speaker 8: who I want to be, that's.

766
00:35:32,719 --> 00:35:33,520
Speaker 1: What I would want for you.

767
00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:36,680
Speaker 8: I want you to be happy ultimately, I want I

768
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:38,920
Speaker 8: love you so much. I really I want your ultimate

769
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:42,160
Speaker 8: happiness and if that means being with somebody else.

770
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:43,960
Speaker 1: And that's what I mean.

771
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 5: Yeah.

772
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:49,719
Speaker 2: So I've been using Hello Fresh lately and it has

773
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:53,239
Speaker 2: been such a lifesaver. You know, I'm not the best

774
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:55,640
Speaker 2: chef in the world. I also don't really want to

775
00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:57,319
Speaker 2: spend that much time in the kitchen. I just want

776
00:35:57,360 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 2: to make good meals for me and IRI get it done.

777
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:03,600
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778
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Speaker 1: I know, I've been using HelloFresh and I love it.

779
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780
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781
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782
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783
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784
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:22,000
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785
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786
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787
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:33,200
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788
00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:37,440
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789
00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:41,640
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790
00:36:41,719 --> 00:36:43,799
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791
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792
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:51,160
Speaker 1: I'm not really like a masturbation or porn girl, but

793
00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:54,320
Speaker 1: lately I've been listening to like sexy stories on dipsy

794
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:58,440
Speaker 1: and I fucking love it. It makes me feel very sexy.

795
00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:00,880
Speaker 2: Well you know I am, and I get tired of

796
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:04,279
Speaker 2: porn and dipsy really allows me to use my imagination.

797
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 2: They have some sexy ass voices on their shout.

798
00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:11,840
Speaker 3: Out to our boy Sharoness. His stories are.

799
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 1: And his voice is very sexy, and pretty much all

800
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:20,520
Speaker 1: the voiceovers over there, I'm very real and very sexy.

801
00:37:20,719 --> 00:37:23,160
Speaker 2: I also love that there's hundreds of stories to choose from,

802
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803
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804
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805
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806
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807
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:42,200
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808
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809
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Speaker 2: Moms, dipsy stories dot com, slash good Moms Enjoy.

810
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:52,640
Speaker 1: So you know, as a mom, you know it's crazy.

811
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:55,759
Speaker 1: We're so used to taking care of everybody else. Do

812
00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:59,400
Speaker 1: you know how often I forget to just eat and

813
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:03,560
Speaker 1: drink water all the time. I'm so excited because recently,

814
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:05,960
Speaker 1: since it's been the New Year, I've been really investing

815
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:09,400
Speaker 1: in just doing better for my body. And I've found

816
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:14,760
Speaker 1: the most amazing green powder. It's from Bloom and it's delicious,

817
00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:16,759
Speaker 1: you guys. I use it on the go, I add

818
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Speaker 1: with water, I put it in my smoothies. They have

819
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:23,120
Speaker 1: a bunch of flavors like coconut, mixed berries, citrus, and original,

820
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:26,480
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821
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,960
Speaker 1: energy and really help me with my bloating.

822
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:32,160
Speaker 3: I know, My favorite is the mixed berry and it

823
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:34,520
Speaker 3: actually tastes good. Bloom is bomb.

824
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:36,319
Speaker 2: I put it in a smoothie with a banana, got

825
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:38,920
Speaker 2: my mixed berries, and I'm ready to go. I feel energized,

826
00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:41,200
Speaker 2: and like you said, i'd be forgetting to eat and

827
00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 2: Bloom just makes it so much easier. And right now,

828
00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:46,680
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829
00:38:46,719 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 2: purchase off their greens and superfood blends when you go

830
00:38:49,239 --> 00:38:53,080
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831
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832
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833
00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:03,760
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'd say the cant like the can of worms

834
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:09,759
Speaker 5: that you're electing to open up is also like unraveling

835
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:14,080
Speaker 5: all of that. Yeah, your partner's gonna sleep with other people, Like, yeah,

836
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:15,520
Speaker 5: they're going to be swept up in kind of a

837
00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:18,279
Speaker 5: new relationship energy with somebody else, and like you're gonna

838
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:23,080
Speaker 5: have moments of like truly terrifying insecurity. But also like

839
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:25,320
Speaker 5: what else is in that can of worms or like

840
00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:28,880
Speaker 5: all of the other things that you suppress in your

841
00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:32,279
Speaker 5: self expression, like all of the other things that like,

842
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:34,839
Speaker 5: I mean, one of the things that it that uh

843
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:38,839
Speaker 5: an early kind of an early experience in our nominogamy,

844
00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:42,160
Speaker 5: or like when you had your more extended relationship, is

845
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:46,000
Speaker 5: that really taught me about like my own sense of

846
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:48,960
Speaker 5: like judgment with creativity and like the way in which

847
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:51,560
Speaker 5: I'm kind of a hater and I like just like

848
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:54,879
Speaker 5: or had been and had been and stifled my own

849
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:58,480
Speaker 5: creativity because of that. I stifled your creativity because of that.

850
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:01,759
Speaker 5: But like that was a can of worms that we

851
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:04,239
Speaker 5: opened that was like on the surface, it's about her

852
00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:07,239
Speaker 5: sleeping with somebody else and having a relationship with somebody else.

853
00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:10,000
Speaker 5: But actually, by getting in there, I also found that

854
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:14,200
Speaker 5: other thing at the bottom of it, and which to

855
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:18,440
Speaker 5: me is yeah, there's lots on the bottom. It's like

856
00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:23,000
Speaker 5: whatever you find, if you move through it, your relationship

857
00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:25,920
Speaker 5: is most likely going to be better served. Like it's

858
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:28,000
Speaker 5: going to serve your relationship better for it if you

859
00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:30,000
Speaker 5: can get through it, if.

860
00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:31,600
Speaker 1: You can get if you can get the way you

861
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:35,200
Speaker 1: just dissected, just broke that ship down.

862
00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:38,520
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm getting emotional that wondering, am I

863
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:39,120
Speaker 3: going to cry?

864
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:45,520
Speaker 5: I'm feel like you thought of a cloudy boy these days, Daniel.

865
00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:47,440
Speaker 1: Right now, cloudy boy, I like him. I don't know

866
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:48,000
Speaker 1: what that means.

867
00:40:50,120 --> 00:40:53,320
Speaker 2: I think that's so beautiful and really thinking about it

868
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:56,520
Speaker 2: that way, that like, yeah, if you open up those

869
00:40:56,600 --> 00:40:59,400
Speaker 2: can of worms, but yeah, ship might happen, but you

870
00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:01,719
Speaker 2: might and some other ship that has nothing even to

871
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:05,120
Speaker 2: do with that person and it has everything to do

872
00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:08,960
Speaker 2: with you and hopefully like you're like the journey and

873
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:12,359
Speaker 2: like this the expression of who you are at your

874
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:13,400
Speaker 2: most authentic self.

875
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 8: Yeah, and that's I think that's been. Did you want

876
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:19,719
Speaker 8: to say something, sorry, No, you go first. With this

877
00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:22,080
Speaker 8: past connection that Daniel had, I told you, it was

878
00:41:22,120 --> 00:41:25,440
Speaker 8: like the most intense one we've we've he's had so far,

879
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:28,279
Speaker 8: and it brought up a lot for me. And the

880
00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:31,279
Speaker 8: intensity of the cannon worms, so to speak, was like,

881
00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:34,560
Speaker 8: so it was so intense, and I had my first

882
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:38,600
Speaker 8: nervous breakdown. Actually, oh yeah, I had my first nervous breakdown.

883
00:41:38,719 --> 00:41:40,080
Speaker 8: And then and you also had.

884
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:44,320
Speaker 1: Like a week later or before days.

885
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:49,040
Speaker 5: I can't remember which nervous I remember a couple.

886
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:55,080
Speaker 8: But in that week of time, the things that we

887
00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:58,520
Speaker 8: were able to like discover within ourselves a lot of

888
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:01,120
Speaker 8: it for the first time, like naming it to ourselves

889
00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:03,239
Speaker 8: for the first time, and then bringing it to each

890
00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:07,399
Speaker 8: other and being like, oh, look at this thing. It's

891
00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:11,600
Speaker 8: ugly and doing that with one another, and then like

892
00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:16,560
Speaker 8: seeing that we loved each other in spite of those ugly,

893
00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:20,000
Speaker 8: ugly things. That is what brought us to this new

894
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:22,560
Speaker 8: level of depth that I feel like we've achieved.

895
00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:23,799
Speaker 1: In the past year.

896
00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:27,920
Speaker 8: Is really that week, honestly is like reaching new depths

897
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:31,279
Speaker 8: of ugliness and bringing it to each other and being like, Oh,

898
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:34,040
Speaker 8: you still love me and I still love you.

899
00:42:35,239 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 3: That's so beautiful.

900
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:37,320
Speaker 1: It is beautiful things.

901
00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:38,239
Speaker 8: I don't know what you're gonna say.

902
00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:42,520
Speaker 5: It's kind of going back but good or just about

903
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:46,839
Speaker 5: it's just about the question. It's just about the question

904
00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:50,040
Speaker 5: of like, oh, doesn't opening up your marriage open up

905
00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:52,759
Speaker 5: that can of worms and saying like, well, underneath that

906
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:57,440
Speaker 5: is like some more harmful shit. That's actually like if

907
00:42:57,560 --> 00:42:59,880
Speaker 5: we wouldn't have been brave enough to kind of open up,

908
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:03,360
Speaker 5: and if I wouldn't have been brave enough to at

909
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:06,600
Speaker 5: least do the minimal of numbing my emotions through that,

910
00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:11,120
Speaker 5: through that relationship of yours, we would not have gotten

911
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:14,879
Speaker 5: to that other thing that ultimately would have ended our relationship.

912
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:19,640
Speaker 5: Like me, but like that the sort of sense of

913
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:21,000
Speaker 5: like judgment.

914
00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:23,080
Speaker 3: And like suppressing her heart and all the thing.

915
00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:28,120
Speaker 5: Right, Yeah, her creative impulses, my creative impulses along with it,

916
00:43:28,280 --> 00:43:29,600
Speaker 5: Like that would have done us.

917
00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:32,320
Speaker 1: In, you know, eventually, like that same very thing that

918
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:34,760
Speaker 1: you have, don't you don't acknowledge, well, it could eventually

919
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:36,480
Speaker 1: be the very If he didn't open.

920
00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:37,719
Speaker 3: The can of worms, he never would have found that,

921
00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:39,279
Speaker 3: and then it would have fucked the whole thing up.

922
00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:41,080
Speaker 5: It would have and it probably would have done us

923
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:45,120
Speaker 5: in in like a much more a much slower death,

924
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:47,120
Speaker 5: in a much more harmful way that we wouldn't have

925
00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:48,320
Speaker 5: been able to put our finger on.

926
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:49,600
Speaker 8: Right, What is this?

927
00:43:50,320 --> 00:43:54,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think like in talking about like the stunting

928
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:57,399
Speaker 1: of love, you know, it's it's so relative. It's easy

929
00:43:57,440 --> 00:43:59,600
Speaker 1: to understud I mean for some people to understand that,

930
00:43:59,719 --> 00:44:01,439
Speaker 1: but I I never thought about it in the terms

931
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:04,160
Speaker 1: of other things in us that we judge other people

932
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:07,319
Speaker 1: and then therefore stunted in ourselves. Like if you're being

933
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:10,960
Speaker 1: judgmental towards somebody else for whatever reason it is, whatever

934
00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:13,160
Speaker 1: reason you justify it, because we all do it, then

935
00:44:13,239 --> 00:44:16,120
Speaker 1: in reality you're holding yourself in that same capacity. And

936
00:44:16,239 --> 00:44:19,640
Speaker 1: so it's also stunting though, Like you said, creativity, You know,

937
00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:22,400
Speaker 1: I'm hating on whatever what I think is weird creative

938
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:24,960
Speaker 1: shit you're dreaming over there. But in fact, because i'm

939
00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:27,759
Speaker 1: judging you, I'm limiting the things that I'm creating because

940
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:30,440
Speaker 1: i'm judging. The judgment is their period, because I think

941
00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:32,160
Speaker 1: it has to be this level of cool to be

942
00:44:32,280 --> 00:44:35,359
Speaker 1: executed or whatever the fuck. And that was like such

943
00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:37,680
Speaker 1: a beautiful way of putting that, because I, first of all,

944
00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:39,680
Speaker 1: it's hard for anyone to be like, oh, this is

945
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:42,080
Speaker 1: the part of me that's ugly. And then you're right,

946
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:44,600
Speaker 1: it's always about acceptance. Are you still going to love

947
00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:46,560
Speaker 1: me after I dig towards if I'm willing to dig

948
00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:48,120
Speaker 1: towards it and then I figure it out, are you

949
00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 1: still going to love me and keep me? Or are

950
00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:51,960
Speaker 1: you're going to want to run? I think everyone, really

951
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:56,640
Speaker 1: there's always a level of fear of abandonment, oh entirely.

952
00:44:56,840 --> 00:44:59,600
Speaker 8: And I think the amount of healing though that you

953
00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:02,600
Speaker 8: do and when you are able to get to that

954
00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:06,360
Speaker 8: point is so deep. It's so deep when you're like,

955
00:45:06,440 --> 00:45:07,920
Speaker 8: oh my god, this thing that I don't even want

956
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:10,440
Speaker 8: to say to myself. And I said it and now

957
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:12,600
Speaker 8: I'm saying it to you and you still love me,

958
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:16,680
Speaker 8: Like that is the best feeling.

959
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:19,520
Speaker 3: It's it's so intimate, it's so intimate.

960
00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:21,640
Speaker 2: It's like the most intimacy I feel like that you

961
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:23,480
Speaker 2: can really have when you can do that with someone.

962
00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:23,960
Speaker 4: Yeah.

963
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:26,680
Speaker 8: Yeah, And as I said, I feel like we've reached

964
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:30,759
Speaker 8: new levels of vulnerability recently because of that.

965
00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:34,920
Speaker 2: So is that relationship over and like how does that

966
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:38,600
Speaker 2: even work? Like how do like do you actually meet

967
00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:40,520
Speaker 2: each other hang out with one another? Like what are

968
00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:42,440
Speaker 2: the do you have like these rules in your and

969
00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:46,239
Speaker 2: how you're we're learning what we want for that not

970
00:45:46,280 --> 00:45:47,560
Speaker 2: what you were going to say, That's not what I

971
00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:48,239
Speaker 2: was going to say.

972
00:45:49,320 --> 00:45:53,759
Speaker 8: Maybe you're learning. No, I think it's been different for

973
00:45:53,880 --> 00:45:56,800
Speaker 8: each person. Once again, like it's different for each person.

974
00:45:57,440 --> 00:45:59,839
Speaker 5: I don't think that's different. That's different from what I said.

975
00:46:00,080 --> 00:46:01,279
Speaker 8: Come on now, we said we're learning.

976
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:03,560
Speaker 5: I know, like to try it this way with this connection,

977
00:46:03,719 --> 00:46:04,800
Speaker 5: this way, with this connection.

978
00:46:12,800 --> 00:46:16,160
Speaker 3: No, I think what we prefer is.

979
00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:23,360
Speaker 8: I think what I prefer in an ideal situation is

980
00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:26,640
Speaker 8: a level of friendliness for sure. And like we've definitely

981
00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:30,279
Speaker 8: had some of Daniel's girlfriends like over like often and

982
00:46:30,440 --> 00:46:32,239
Speaker 8: like hanging out the three of us with the kids

983
00:46:32,320 --> 00:46:36,200
Speaker 8: running around, or like we like before the pandemic, we

984
00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:39,040
Speaker 8: enjoyed hosting a lot, so we'd have, you know, one

985
00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:40,759
Speaker 8: I remember one brunch we had like two of your

986
00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:43,719
Speaker 8: girlfriends that were there, and like hanging around one of

987
00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:45,919
Speaker 8: my play partners, and like everyone's just kind of there,

988
00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:47,920
Speaker 8: like chilling, and it's not a big deal. Like I

989
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:51,600
Speaker 8: think that's definitely my preferends. But with this last connection

990
00:46:52,239 --> 00:46:54,520
Speaker 8: that Daniel had, because it was the most I'd ever

991
00:46:54,640 --> 00:46:58,319
Speaker 8: been triggered, I found that I was a little more

992
00:46:58,480 --> 00:47:01,319
Speaker 8: like nervous or has a tent to like to get

993
00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:03,680
Speaker 8: to know her. So I think it just depends on

994
00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:06,040
Speaker 8: each connection, but I think we do have a way

995
00:47:06,080 --> 00:47:08,839
Speaker 8: that we prefer it. But it also is like contextual

996
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:09,160
Speaker 8: a bit.

997
00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:13,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I think every well, when I said that

998
00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:16,799
Speaker 5: we're still kind of learning, I think every connection teaches.

999
00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:18,720
Speaker 3: You that the boundaries.

1000
00:47:18,840 --> 00:47:21,400
Speaker 5: This wasn't this wasn't my favorite aspect of that. That

1001
00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:23,680
Speaker 5: as this wasn't my favorite aspect of that.

1002
00:47:24,080 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 1: So even though you were kind of triggered by that

1003
00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:28,960
Speaker 1: relationship and by her and so it kind of made

1004
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:33,640
Speaker 1: you less like eventually did you did being around her

1005
00:47:33,719 --> 00:47:36,080
Speaker 1: more often like kind of make it more comfortable or

1006
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:38,160
Speaker 1: did you just kind of avoid it altogether? Well, she

1007
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:39,239
Speaker 1: was really we were.

1008
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:41,920
Speaker 8: Her schedules made it difficult, so that was kind of

1009
00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:44,360
Speaker 8: the main thing. It was just like she was a

1010
00:47:44,480 --> 00:47:46,960
Speaker 8: mom as well, so she was busy. And then it

1011
00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:49,520
Speaker 8: was also on the shorter side like it was. It

1012
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:52,200
Speaker 8: was a it was kind of a hot, fast but

1013
00:47:52,360 --> 00:47:56,680
Speaker 8: short connection, which is so we didn't have a lot

1014
00:47:56,719 --> 00:47:58,319
Speaker 8: of time. I think it would have gone that way,

1015
00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 8: but but it didn't.

1016
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:06,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, it was just incompatible seasons in our individual kind

1017
00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:08,759
Speaker 5: of live family lives, is what it?

1018
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:12,840
Speaker 2: How do you being both of you being parents honestly

1019
00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:19,880
Speaker 2: because you have kids together you parent, how do you

1020
00:48:20,040 --> 00:48:21,840
Speaker 2: navigate with that? Like as far as like I know

1021
00:48:21,880 --> 00:48:23,960
Speaker 2: your bait, your kids are really young, but eventually they'll

1022
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:25,560
Speaker 2: be older, Like have you thought about that?

1023
00:48:25,680 --> 00:48:30,000
Speaker 8: And how Yeah, yeah, we have The way that we

1024
00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:32,920
Speaker 8: like to conduct our friendships is also kind of like

1025
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:36,200
Speaker 8: how you talked about how you conduct your your friendships formula,

1026
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:39,000
Speaker 8: Like we are really affectionate with our friends and we

1027
00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:42,000
Speaker 8: have kind of like an open door policy with a

1028
00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:43,759
Speaker 8: lot of our friends or people just like pop in

1029
00:48:43,880 --> 00:48:46,080
Speaker 8: and they're over and we're all hanging out. And I

1030
00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:48,640
Speaker 8: think that the way that we think about it is

1031
00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:53,400
Speaker 8: is we hope that our relationships that are people that

1032
00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:57,440
Speaker 8: were purely platonic with versus people that were maybe fucking

1033
00:48:57,680 --> 00:49:01,920
Speaker 8: or people that were romantic with, that's not really distinguishable

1034
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:05,719
Speaker 8: to our kids. So like there's no reason to be

1035
00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:09,120
Speaker 8: so explicit or forthcoming to them with like, oh, this

1036
00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:13,360
Speaker 8: is my boyfriend who like, fuck, this is my boyfriend

1037
00:49:13,400 --> 00:49:21,640
Speaker 8: who I don't know. It's like they don't you dad exactly.

1038
00:49:22,719 --> 00:49:24,480
Speaker 1: It's like they don't need they don't need to know that.

1039
00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:29,640
Speaker 8: And and I think that actually there's other polyamorous influencers

1040
00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:31,960
Speaker 8: on the GRAM that I in my opinion there they

1041
00:49:32,040 --> 00:49:34,560
Speaker 8: do too much with that, Like your kids don't need

1042
00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:38,000
Speaker 8: to know all the details of your life until they ask,

1043
00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:41,160
Speaker 8: until they're ready to know. It needs to be developmentally

1044
00:49:41,200 --> 00:49:44,160
Speaker 8: appropriate or actually or else you're actually doing more harm

1045
00:49:44,239 --> 00:49:47,800
Speaker 8: and giving them anxiety. They don't need to know that

1046
00:49:48,040 --> 00:49:51,080
Speaker 8: your parents their parents are non monogamous when they're in kindergarten.

1047
00:49:51,640 --> 00:49:53,440
Speaker 1: Just go to school and like let their let.

1048
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:55,799
Speaker 8: Their friends know, and then like that doesn't not need

1049
00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:59,680
Speaker 8: to happen. So I think the way we're handling it is,

1050
00:50:00,440 --> 00:50:03,239
Speaker 8: but just trusting that because we're fostering a really open

1051
00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:06,800
Speaker 8: communication line with them, that when if they have questions,

1052
00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:09,759
Speaker 8: when they're ready, they'll ask and then we'll be ready

1053
00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:10,240
Speaker 8: to answer.

1054
00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:13,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, I mean just in the same way

1055
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:17,200
Speaker 5: that you don't feel the need to define your other

1056
00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:20,680
Speaker 5: relationships in front of your kids or to your kids,

1057
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:24,560
Speaker 5: like are your other friendships the same thinking about it

1058
00:50:24,640 --> 00:50:26,600
Speaker 5: the same way, And I think even asking the question

1059
00:50:27,080 --> 00:50:29,600
Speaker 5: of like, oh, well, how do you explain this to

1060
00:50:29,640 --> 00:50:32,400
Speaker 5: your parents or to your kids is almost like a

1061
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:36,320
Speaker 5: symptom of the way in which we put like sexual

1062
00:50:36,480 --> 00:50:40,279
Speaker 5: romantic relationships like really hot like as like that at

1063
00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:45,040
Speaker 5: the top of the hierarchy in terms of relationships, right,

1064
00:50:45,239 --> 00:50:48,320
Speaker 5: and so it once it's escalated to a certain degree

1065
00:50:48,360 --> 00:50:51,400
Speaker 5: of importance, then you have to say something about it.

1066
00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:54,759
Speaker 5: But if you're trying to do away with that sort

1067
00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:57,279
Speaker 5: of hierarchy, and it just I don't know, it just

1068
00:50:57,360 --> 00:50:59,560
Speaker 5: makes it less necessary, right, you know.

1069
00:50:59,719 --> 00:51:02,400
Speaker 1: It's all I love you, they love me. We're friends totally,

1070
00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:05,400
Speaker 1: this is how our friendships work. Okay, So in the hierarchy,

1071
00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:07,239
Speaker 1: like trying to do away with the hierarchy of like

1072
00:51:07,440 --> 00:51:10,320
Speaker 1: your romantic relationship is at the highest. Like I know

1073
00:51:10,520 --> 00:51:13,360
Speaker 1: there's been these memes circulating right now or like these whatever,

1074
00:51:13,440 --> 00:51:16,120
Speaker 1: you know, the fucking internet, and it's like would you

1075
00:51:16,239 --> 00:51:18,560
Speaker 1: choose your wife or your kids? And I'm like, why

1076
00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:20,799
Speaker 1: is that a question? Like I'm always choosing my wife

1077
00:51:20,840 --> 00:51:23,440
Speaker 1: because God said. I'm like, I don't understand who what

1078
00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:24,360
Speaker 1: wife is asking?

1079
00:51:24,440 --> 00:51:24,640
Speaker 4: Meme?

1080
00:51:24,760 --> 00:51:24,920
Speaker 5: Is this?

1081
00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:27,800
Speaker 8: I'm not seeing the algorithm?

1082
00:51:27,880 --> 00:51:28,200
Speaker 5: Are you on?

1083
00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:31,240
Speaker 1: I see all these weird memes where they're like asking

1084
00:51:31,320 --> 00:51:32,840
Speaker 1: like do you feed your Like do you feed the

1085
00:51:32,880 --> 00:51:34,439
Speaker 1: man of the house first? Do you feed the kids?

1086
00:51:34,480 --> 00:51:37,800
Speaker 1: I'm like, why are we I was like, why do

1087
00:51:37,840 --> 00:51:38,560
Speaker 1: we have to choose?

1088
00:51:38,920 --> 00:51:39,520
Speaker 3: Like and why?

1089
00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:42,239
Speaker 1: And then everyone's applauding him like for choosing the wife

1090
00:51:42,280 --> 00:51:44,279
Speaker 1: and the comments. I'm like this is really fucking weird.

1091
00:51:44,880 --> 00:51:46,680
Speaker 1: But you know, like those are things we don't really

1092
00:51:46,760 --> 00:51:48,759
Speaker 1: question in our society, Like why is it that like

1093
00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:50,799
Speaker 1: if your girl, like your girl needs you but her

1094
00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:53,160
Speaker 1: man needs or she's out and you know it's my man,

1095
00:51:53,160 --> 00:51:56,080
Speaker 1: I gotta go. But like in a marriage, I think

1096
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:58,560
Speaker 1: that's another thing because this is something that's the trigger

1097
00:51:58,640 --> 00:52:00,000
Speaker 1: for me, like I want to be the most important.

1098
00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:02,800
Speaker 1: I would be the most important, and so if I

1099
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:09,880
Speaker 1: call you, you answered, not two rings. But then I

1100
00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:12,200
Speaker 1: have to ask myself, what the fuck is wrong with me?

1101
00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:15,400
Speaker 1: I need to be the princess. It's me, you know,

1102
00:52:15,520 --> 00:52:17,640
Speaker 1: And she also needs to know that I am the

1103
00:52:17,719 --> 00:52:19,759
Speaker 1: main one and I'm cool with her. We're cool, but

1104
00:52:19,920 --> 00:52:22,560
Speaker 1: I'm a number one. And it's just like I don't

1105
00:52:22,560 --> 00:52:25,320
Speaker 1: know where that comes from either. But are there limits?

1106
00:52:25,440 --> 00:52:25,480
Speaker 5: Like?

1107
00:52:25,800 --> 00:52:27,719
Speaker 1: Are the limits? I know you said you're not necessarily

1108
00:52:27,760 --> 00:52:30,200
Speaker 1: like polyamorous. You might have like and it could be

1109
00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:33,919
Speaker 1: an intentional like just sexually driven like one off or whatever,

1110
00:52:34,600 --> 00:52:37,640
Speaker 1: But are there limits because you guys are primary partners

1111
00:52:37,680 --> 00:52:40,480
Speaker 1: obviously you've lived together, your kids together. Is there like

1112
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:43,560
Speaker 1: had you if you meet a lover and it just

1113
00:52:43,640 --> 00:52:46,560
Speaker 1: goes on for an extended amount of time? And like,

1114
00:52:46,760 --> 00:52:48,719
Speaker 1: is that okay with you? On both ends?

1115
00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:55,200
Speaker 8: And I think we've we've kind of bridged this before

1116
00:52:56,040 --> 00:52:58,040
Speaker 8: on like a minor level because we have kids before.

1117
00:52:58,560 --> 00:53:00,920
Speaker 8: But I was in a three year releaship and then

1118
00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:03,640
Speaker 8: I got pregnant with Daniel's child.

1119
00:53:03,719 --> 00:53:04,840
Speaker 1: You were very careful about that.

1120
00:53:06,080 --> 00:53:10,320
Speaker 3: Clear. I have questions about that too. I have questions about.

1121
00:53:10,080 --> 00:53:14,440
Speaker 8: That's understandable and then it was like, oh, I'm going

1122
00:53:14,520 --> 00:53:17,600
Speaker 8: to be a mom soon. What does this mean for you? Boyfriend?

1123
00:53:18,239 --> 00:53:21,719
Speaker 8: I don't know? And so and also like so we

1124
00:53:21,800 --> 00:53:23,680
Speaker 8: had to have those conversations. It's like, oh, are we

1125
00:53:23,760 --> 00:53:26,000
Speaker 8: going to be co parenting? Like are you interested in

1126
00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:29,840
Speaker 8: kind of co parenting? Like so those conversations were.

1127
00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:32,080
Speaker 1: Like starting to maybe be on deck.

1128
00:53:32,120 --> 00:53:35,520
Speaker 8: But then we ended up mutually ending the relationship before

1129
00:53:35,560 --> 00:53:37,920
Speaker 8: the baby came, which made the best sense at that time.

1130
00:53:38,040 --> 00:53:39,600
Speaker 3: How much how far a long were you before you

1131
00:53:39,680 --> 00:53:40,520
Speaker 3: ended the relationship?

1132
00:53:40,960 --> 00:53:43,120
Speaker 8: It was pretty soon. I think I was like three

1133
00:53:43,239 --> 00:53:45,920
Speaker 8: or four months. Yeah, yeah, it was.

1134
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:46,480
Speaker 3: It was time.

1135
00:53:46,520 --> 00:53:49,799
Speaker 8: It was a good run. But I think that we're

1136
00:53:49,880 --> 00:53:52,920
Speaker 8: open to kind of what non monogamy brings us, and

1137
00:53:53,760 --> 00:53:58,239
Speaker 8: thus far every challenge has only deepened our relationship. So

1138
00:53:58,840 --> 00:54:00,840
Speaker 8: I think the way that I look at it is

1139
00:54:01,200 --> 00:54:03,960
Speaker 8: the same way like if Daniell meets someone that he's

1140
00:54:04,040 --> 00:54:07,239
Speaker 8: really enjoying and then he's actually wanting to negotiate, like, Hey,

1141
00:54:07,280 --> 00:54:10,080
Speaker 8: I'd actually like to kind of maybe spend three nights

1142
00:54:10,160 --> 00:54:12,200
Speaker 8: a week at her house and like kind of split

1143
00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:15,560
Speaker 8: my time a little bit. Like I can imagine scenarios

1144
00:54:15,680 --> 00:54:18,480
Speaker 8: like that in the future, and I think that it's

1145
00:54:18,560 --> 00:54:20,879
Speaker 8: all very much like as we go, Like I think

1146
00:54:21,400 --> 00:54:26,680
Speaker 8: our intention very much so our intention is to raise

1147
00:54:26,760 --> 00:54:30,720
Speaker 8: our children together in a home where we both are living,

1148
00:54:30,920 --> 00:54:35,879
Speaker 8: like that's definitely our intention. But life can throw curveballs,

1149
00:54:36,880 --> 00:54:40,920
Speaker 8: and I think once our children are out of the house,

1150
00:54:41,360 --> 00:54:44,360
Speaker 8: or at least older, I think that might bring another

1151
00:54:44,440 --> 00:54:47,239
Speaker 8: shift to our non monogamy. If we're still non monogamous,

1152
00:54:47,280 --> 00:54:50,560
Speaker 8: we're also open to seasons of monogamy, if that feels

1153
00:54:50,800 --> 00:54:53,759
Speaker 8: right too. I think mostly it's just a posture of

1154
00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:58,719
Speaker 8: openness to what will be and trusting that will know

1155
00:54:58,800 --> 00:54:59,440
Speaker 8: how to handle it.

1156
00:55:00,480 --> 00:55:02,640
Speaker 1: I mean, I think that's the most beautiful thing of all. Right,

1157
00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:04,440
Speaker 1: It's like like we talked about before, like you can

1158
00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:08,200
Speaker 1: be monogamous, you can be traditionally married, and still you know,

1159
00:55:08,360 --> 00:55:10,960
Speaker 1: shit can pop off, someone can leave you. Things can

1160
00:55:11,080 --> 00:55:13,680
Speaker 1: happen and you had no idea that they were coming,

1161
00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:17,240
Speaker 1: which I think, truthfully, in all honesty, if we're honest,

1162
00:55:17,440 --> 00:55:19,880
Speaker 1: that is generally what people are caught off guard by

1163
00:55:19,960 --> 00:55:24,360
Speaker 1: and angry about the how could you not tell me?

1164
00:55:24,480 --> 00:55:27,200
Speaker 1: How I thought I trusted you? We had an agreement, right,

1165
00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:30,040
Speaker 1: It's not like you know, I think if I feel

1166
00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:32,960
Speaker 1: comfortable enough to be like, Wow, I'm really falling, like

1167
00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:35,440
Speaker 1: falling in love with this person. And it doesn't mean

1168
00:55:35,600 --> 00:55:37,480
Speaker 1: because I think we also have the understanding that if

1169
00:55:37,520 --> 00:55:39,839
Speaker 1: I if I'm in love with you, I can't also

1170
00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:41,799
Speaker 1: love someone else, right, that'd have to take away from

1171
00:55:41,840 --> 00:55:43,359
Speaker 1: the love from you and give it to someone else,

1172
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:45,480
Speaker 1: Not that I can have. I can love this person

1173
00:55:45,640 --> 00:55:48,000
Speaker 1: so much, and I can also still love you so much,

1174
00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:52,000
Speaker 1: you know. It's just like I think people are limited

1175
00:55:52,040 --> 00:55:55,520
Speaker 1: and they're thinking that way, and so I'm I always

1176
00:55:55,600 --> 00:55:58,800
Speaker 1: curious about that because you know, is it something that

1177
00:55:58,880 --> 00:56:01,040
Speaker 1: can maintain or are you all always asking the third

1178
00:56:01,120 --> 00:56:03,560
Speaker 1: person to kind of be a temporary fix in your relationship,

1179
00:56:03,560 --> 00:56:05,200
Speaker 1: which I have an issue, Like, I don't know, it

1180
00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:07,480
Speaker 1: goes both ways. I can you just heard me. I'm

1181
00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:10,160
Speaker 1: totally bipolar. I'm like, I'm the most important. Also love

1182
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:13,680
Speaker 1: when we want coral be free not really come back,

1183
00:56:15,239 --> 00:56:18,719
Speaker 1: you know. So I just I think that's, you know,

1184
00:56:18,920 --> 00:56:20,879
Speaker 1: something that I've had to think about.

1185
00:56:22,239 --> 00:56:25,520
Speaker 2: I have a question about how you navigate safety in

1186
00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:28,120
Speaker 2: your relationship. I think that's I think that's something that

1187
00:56:28,160 --> 00:56:30,959
Speaker 2: I think a lot of people wonder in open relationships,

1188
00:56:31,080 --> 00:56:36,160
Speaker 2: like do you have certain rules on protection, and we're

1189
00:56:36,239 --> 00:56:37,759
Speaker 2: not protection protection.

1190
00:56:37,480 --> 00:56:39,320
Speaker 1: Amount of time or what does that look like?

1191
00:56:39,920 --> 00:56:43,480
Speaker 8: No, where aways use protection. And I think that there's

1192
00:56:43,520 --> 00:56:48,319
Speaker 8: actually statistics that non monogamous folks have less STIs than

1193
00:56:48,440 --> 00:56:53,880
Speaker 8: monogamous folks because in non monogamous communities that conversation is

1194
00:56:53,920 --> 00:56:58,160
Speaker 8: always upfront and people have more people to protect, so

1195
00:56:58,880 --> 00:57:01,279
Speaker 8: you have a sense of respect onsibility to each other

1196
00:57:01,840 --> 00:57:04,880
Speaker 8: where it's actually in my experience, like dating non monogamous

1197
00:57:05,160 --> 00:57:08,520
Speaker 8: men and sleeping with non monogamous men is always more

1198
00:57:08,560 --> 00:57:11,960
Speaker 8: pleasant in that way because they're always more careful. They're

1199
00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:13,960
Speaker 8: always ready to be careful.

1200
00:57:14,680 --> 00:57:16,760
Speaker 1: Because they have response ready to initiate that.

1201
00:57:17,360 --> 00:57:19,240
Speaker 8: Yeah, right, versus you know.

1202
00:57:20,720 --> 00:57:22,919
Speaker 1: Your average mail and like how.

1203
00:57:22,880 --> 00:57:25,800
Speaker 3: Do you like, how do you meet people? Like are

1204
00:57:25,840 --> 00:57:27,040
Speaker 3: you on dating apps.

1205
00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:31,560
Speaker 8: Or are do you has been mostly especially like in

1206
00:57:31,640 --> 00:57:32,800
Speaker 8: the pandemic times.

1207
00:57:33,080 --> 00:57:34,800
Speaker 3: And are you just is it like on your dating profile?

1208
00:57:34,960 --> 00:57:38,720
Speaker 3: Like this is what it is. We're getting straight to

1209
00:57:38,760 --> 00:57:39,160
Speaker 3: the point here.

1210
00:57:39,240 --> 00:57:42,720
Speaker 8: Yeah, certain dating apps are more friendly to Okay, Cupid

1211
00:57:42,920 --> 00:57:46,320
Speaker 8: has like a non monogamy setting you can yeah, and

1212
00:57:46,440 --> 00:57:48,400
Speaker 8: you can like you could actually link it with your

1213
00:57:48,440 --> 00:57:51,400
Speaker 8: partners so people can like click on your partner's profile

1214
00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:52,040
Speaker 8: and see them.

1215
00:57:52,160 --> 00:57:53,600
Speaker 1: That's like field too and field.

1216
00:57:53,720 --> 00:57:58,240
Speaker 8: Yeah Field, We've used field a little bit as well, because.

1217
00:57:57,960 --> 00:58:00,680
Speaker 1: You guys don't generally like date together, played together.

1218
00:58:01,520 --> 00:58:05,560
Speaker 8: We have, but it's it's not I guess it's not

1219
00:58:05,920 --> 00:58:06,800
Speaker 8: exactly our press.

1220
00:58:06,880 --> 00:58:08,720
Speaker 5: I think we were. I think we're we have.

1221
00:58:08,840 --> 00:58:11,240
Speaker 8: New frontiers ahead of us, so we're excited about you

1222
00:58:11,400 --> 00:58:11,920
Speaker 8: for a season.

1223
00:58:12,160 --> 00:58:12,360
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1224
00:58:12,360 --> 00:58:14,000
Speaker 1: I think it's more about having kids.

1225
00:58:14,080 --> 00:58:18,240
Speaker 8: That's really limited that aspect because we like being home

1226
00:58:18,320 --> 00:58:20,480
Speaker 8: with our babies and their babies so they're needy, so

1227
00:58:20,600 --> 00:58:24,920
Speaker 8: it's not like we both can just leave right so exactly.

1228
00:58:25,120 --> 00:58:27,920
Speaker 8: So I think that's what has made that part not

1229
00:58:28,200 --> 00:58:30,720
Speaker 8: is easy realistic.

1230
00:58:30,800 --> 00:58:33,000
Speaker 2: I think that's like a lot of the big misconception too,

1231
00:58:33,160 --> 00:58:35,360
Speaker 2: is that like people who are non monogamous are just

1232
00:58:35,440 --> 00:58:38,280
Speaker 2: like having orgies every day every weekend. Oh yeah they're

1233
00:58:38,280 --> 00:58:40,560
Speaker 2: and there, you and your partner must be having threesomes

1234
00:58:40,600 --> 00:58:42,520
Speaker 2: all the time. And what I find often is that

1235
00:58:42,600 --> 00:58:45,960
Speaker 2: people that are in anogamous relationships often play separately.

1236
00:58:46,120 --> 00:58:48,680
Speaker 3: And yeah they don't. They've never some have never even

1237
00:58:48,760 --> 00:58:49,360
Speaker 3: done it together.

1238
00:58:49,600 --> 00:58:53,840
Speaker 5: Yeah you know, I mean it's been almost exclusively separate.

1239
00:58:54,400 --> 00:58:58,440
Speaker 8: Yeah, we just had our first experience this past summer together.

1240
00:59:00,520 --> 00:59:02,640
Speaker 8: It was great, it was super fun, it was perfect,

1241
00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:04,200
Speaker 8: the perfect first experience.

1242
00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:08,439
Speaker 5: Yeah, we had. That was another situation where it's like, Okay,

1243
00:59:08,600 --> 00:59:11,080
Speaker 5: we've got childcare and it runs out at this time.

1244
00:59:11,520 --> 00:59:15,320
Speaker 5: So that also, like that also changes how it feels

1245
00:59:15,400 --> 00:59:17,160
Speaker 5: in the dynamics of it, but it also.

1246
00:59:17,760 --> 00:59:21,200
Speaker 2: Yeahs relaxed, it's more planned. Yeah, I've definitely played a

1247
00:59:21,240 --> 00:59:26,360
Speaker 2: three summer of five. I guess, like I have the yep,

1248
00:59:26,680 --> 00:59:28,640
Speaker 2: gotta be out by four, let's meet at three.

1249
00:59:28,880 --> 00:59:31,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know.

1250
00:59:31,200 --> 00:59:33,800
Speaker 1: The last one I did when I was sleep and

1251
00:59:34,240 --> 00:59:35,800
Speaker 1: got out. I looked at her to school the next day,

1252
00:59:35,840 --> 00:59:43,080
Speaker 1: It's like, so happy, shouldn't wake up, amazing, don't judge me, guys,

1253
00:59:44,400 --> 00:59:45,080
Speaker 1: she was asleep.

1254
00:59:50,240 --> 00:59:50,600
Speaker 2: I don't know.

1255
00:59:50,840 --> 00:59:54,400
Speaker 1: I'm high, so I forgot. I was gonna say, well,

1256
00:59:54,960 --> 00:59:55,320
Speaker 1: I don't know.

1257
00:59:55,360 --> 00:59:56,680
Speaker 3: I think we would like I don't know. I could

1258
00:59:56,680 --> 00:59:57,640
Speaker 3: talk to you guys for hours.

1259
00:59:57,680 --> 01:00:00,560
Speaker 2: Honestly, I could ask you a million thousand more questions

1260
01:00:00,640 --> 01:00:02,200
Speaker 2: I know, like we wanted to.

1261
01:00:02,360 --> 01:00:05,120
Speaker 3: We've gone all over the place, but maybe.

1262
01:00:04,960 --> 01:00:06,760
Speaker 2: Like one final question I want to ask you guys,

1263
01:00:06,960 --> 01:00:10,880
Speaker 2: is like, what would you tell the non monogamous version

1264
01:00:10,960 --> 01:00:14,160
Speaker 2: of yourself, Like when you first started this journey. Now

1265
01:00:14,720 --> 01:00:16,520
Speaker 2: as someone who's been on this journey for a really

1266
01:00:16,600 --> 01:00:19,200
Speaker 2: long time now and that's still obviously.

1267
01:00:18,840 --> 01:00:22,840
Speaker 3: The journeys is continuous, but like, what would you tell her?

1268
01:00:22,960 --> 01:00:23,760
Speaker 3: What would you tell him?

1269
01:00:24,280 --> 01:00:24,640
Speaker 5: Go ahead?

1270
01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:27,640
Speaker 3: You first, She's like, I need to think, I need.

1271
01:00:27,560 --> 01:00:31,520
Speaker 5: To say apart from buckle up, Yeah, that's kind.

1272
01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:32,320
Speaker 1: Of what came to mind for me.

1273
01:00:34,200 --> 01:00:37,120
Speaker 8: I don't know, this isn't probably like the answer you're

1274
01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:39,040
Speaker 8: looking for, but from not looking for an.

1275
01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:41,760
Speaker 3: Answer, Okay, So I generally just want.

1276
01:00:41,600 --> 01:00:43,760
Speaker 8: To honestly, for me, I just feel really proud that

1277
01:00:43,840 --> 01:00:47,080
Speaker 8: I knew that it's what I wanted ten years ago. Like,

1278
01:00:47,160 --> 01:00:49,680
Speaker 8: I feel really proud of that because I'm I've been

1279
01:00:49,760 --> 01:00:54,320
Speaker 8: really right. Like it's felt so authentic and really affirming

1280
01:00:55,040 --> 01:00:56,960
Speaker 8: that the journey has gone the way it has. It

1281
01:00:57,040 --> 01:00:59,919
Speaker 8: has not been easy, oh my god, it's not been easy.

1282
01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:04,760
Speaker 8: It's been very very hard, but just so rewarding. So

1283
01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:07,440
Speaker 8: I think, I don't know. I think I would just

1284
01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:11,240
Speaker 8: tell myself like, you know what you want, you know

1285
01:01:11,360 --> 01:01:14,560
Speaker 8: what you want, and like trust it even if it's scary,

1286
01:01:15,360 --> 01:01:20,160
Speaker 8: be brave, and yeah, I think that's what I would say.

1287
01:01:20,400 --> 01:01:22,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think what you said at the beginning of

1288
01:01:22,160 --> 01:01:25,120
Speaker 5: it or at the end there like that be brave.

1289
01:01:25,440 --> 01:01:28,560
Speaker 5: I wish I would have been braver from the outset.

1290
01:01:29,200 --> 01:01:33,360
Speaker 5: I think, been braver to kind of face like the

1291
01:01:33,480 --> 01:01:36,320
Speaker 5: reality of what it was I was experiencing when like

1292
01:01:36,600 --> 01:01:38,320
Speaker 5: I was at home and you were out, you know,

1293
01:01:40,040 --> 01:01:44,000
Speaker 5: brave enough to let I don't know, the people that

1294
01:01:44,080 --> 01:01:48,080
Speaker 5: I saw are the people that I dated, see something

1295
01:01:48,200 --> 01:01:53,520
Speaker 5: other than just like the polished, like charismatic first date, Daniel,

1296
01:01:53,840 --> 01:01:56,360
Speaker 5: you know, and see something like beneath that. Yeah, I

1297
01:01:56,440 --> 01:01:59,120
Speaker 5: think I will. I would have told myself to you're

1298
01:01:59,160 --> 01:02:01,880
Speaker 5: already doing this away like be braver and.

1299
01:02:03,480 --> 01:02:04,040
Speaker 1: That's nice.

1300
01:02:04,520 --> 01:02:04,640
Speaker 5: You know.

1301
01:02:04,720 --> 01:02:07,120
Speaker 1: I have a question for you, Daniel, because I know,

1302
01:02:07,280 --> 01:02:09,040
Speaker 1: like the first time you came on our show, you

1303
01:02:09,080 --> 01:02:12,240
Speaker 1: had I think your your first baby was still pretty small,

1304
01:02:12,320 --> 01:02:14,840
Speaker 1: and I remember you discussing that, you know, for the

1305
01:02:14,920 --> 01:02:16,840
Speaker 1: first like three or four months of that pregnancy, that

1306
01:02:16,920 --> 01:02:21,160
Speaker 1: you had still had a boyfriend, And like, for you,

1307
01:02:21,560 --> 01:02:23,800
Speaker 1: how is that because I think that's that is like

1308
01:02:24,160 --> 01:02:26,600
Speaker 1: for the male ego. Let's be real, like that's the

1309
01:02:26,720 --> 01:02:29,840
Speaker 1: ultimate you know, your mind and you got my baby

1310
01:02:29,920 --> 01:02:30,160
Speaker 1: and you.

1311
01:02:31,640 --> 01:02:33,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, do you I mean, do you really want to

1312
01:02:33,360 --> 01:02:37,240
Speaker 5: pick up that scab because it's no, No, I mean right,

1313
01:02:37,480 --> 01:02:37,960
Speaker 5: it's okay.

1314
01:02:39,200 --> 01:02:41,400
Speaker 1: I don't think you really knew what about this last time?

1315
01:02:41,440 --> 01:02:45,480
Speaker 3: And now yeah, she's not high anymore. Guys, it was not.

1316
01:02:47,840 --> 01:02:51,800
Speaker 5: I think I was trying to put myself in a

1317
01:02:51,880 --> 01:02:57,000
Speaker 5: more emotionally evolved space with that, you know, and not

1318
01:02:57,560 --> 01:03:01,120
Speaker 5: react out of like that space of like possessiveness and

1319
01:03:01,240 --> 01:03:04,560
Speaker 5: toxicity and like all of that. But the reality is

1320
01:03:04,640 --> 01:03:08,520
Speaker 5: is I still felt that kind of like visceral nervous

1321
01:03:09,120 --> 01:03:18,320
Speaker 5: system response to it. How did you combat that alcohol? No,

1322
01:03:18,480 --> 01:03:22,080
Speaker 5: I actually that's probably a little bit true, A little

1323
01:03:22,120 --> 01:03:25,200
Speaker 5: bit true. It's probably a little bit true. Yeah, I

1324
01:03:25,240 --> 01:03:28,560
Speaker 5: think that they're like, you know, Rihanna said a second ago,

1325
01:03:29,000 --> 01:03:31,320
Speaker 5: it's been a huge challenge and it's been a lot

1326
01:03:31,400 --> 01:03:34,800
Speaker 5: of hard work, and I think like, yeah, there have

1327
01:03:34,840 --> 01:03:37,320
Speaker 5: been a million things that I've just kind of like,

1328
01:03:37,640 --> 01:03:40,320
Speaker 5: especially early on that I was like, Okay, be a

1329
01:03:40,400 --> 01:03:43,320
Speaker 5: more evolved version of yourself, be a more evolved.

1330
01:03:43,000 --> 01:03:44,920
Speaker 8: Version, But you didn't want to do the work that

1331
01:03:45,040 --> 01:03:46,400
Speaker 8: it took to actually.

1332
01:03:46,240 --> 01:03:47,360
Speaker 5: Actually arrive there.

1333
01:03:47,880 --> 01:03:54,840
Speaker 1: I'm here, I'm here, I'm buckled up like I'm a feminist, Yes.

1334
01:03:54,760 --> 01:03:57,840
Speaker 8: Exactly exactly, And to be fair and to give you

1335
01:03:57,960 --> 01:03:59,920
Speaker 8: some credit, Like I think that I was doing that

1336
01:04:00,200 --> 01:04:02,360
Speaker 8: to some extent too, because you had not given me

1337
01:04:02,480 --> 01:04:05,640
Speaker 8: the experience yet of like really having to do the

1338
01:04:05,720 --> 01:04:08,400
Speaker 8: work which came with this last connection. I think that

1339
01:04:09,040 --> 01:04:11,280
Speaker 8: this really humbled me where I was just like, oh

1340
01:04:11,440 --> 01:04:14,280
Speaker 8: my god, I thought it was just going to feel

1341
01:04:14,280 --> 01:04:16,600
Speaker 8: a lot easier and I had to go through that

1342
01:04:16,680 --> 01:04:18,600
Speaker 8: same process. So I want to I want you, want

1343
01:04:18,640 --> 01:04:19,360
Speaker 8: to give you some credit.

1344
01:04:19,600 --> 01:04:20,920
Speaker 1: Thanks, And I think.

1345
01:04:21,480 --> 01:04:24,200
Speaker 8: Sorry, listening to your talk right now just making me

1346
01:04:24,280 --> 01:04:27,320
Speaker 8: feel like I need to explain that you were really

1347
01:04:27,400 --> 01:04:30,760
Speaker 8: signaling that because I was trusting when you said you

1348
01:04:30,880 --> 01:04:33,360
Speaker 8: were okay, that you were okay, because I feel like

1349
01:04:33,480 --> 01:04:37,959
Speaker 8: that frames me, like, but Chorie, so are you drinking

1350
01:04:37,960 --> 01:04:38,480
Speaker 8: any problems?

1351
01:04:38,520 --> 01:04:42,760
Speaker 5: So it wasn't really like that I was drinking heavily before.

1352
01:04:42,840 --> 01:04:47,760
Speaker 1: Then stop stop, I mean we've alsoppressed some shit.

1353
01:04:49,160 --> 01:04:51,720
Speaker 8: Oh what point is is is I think that in

1354
01:04:51,880 --> 01:04:56,240
Speaker 8: this latest rendition of our non monogamy, we've really learned

1355
01:04:56,240 --> 01:04:58,960
Speaker 8: how to be honest, completely honest, in a way that

1356
01:04:59,080 --> 01:05:03,520
Speaker 8: requires vulnerability and in a way that really allows us

1357
01:05:03,560 --> 01:05:05,640
Speaker 8: to connect. And that's that's kind of what I thought

1358
01:05:05,640 --> 01:05:08,280
Speaker 8: we would say today. Yeah, and that that hits because

1359
01:05:08,280 --> 01:05:11,320
Speaker 8: I think before we weren't able, or you weren't able,

1360
01:05:11,600 --> 01:05:15,000
Speaker 8: I wasn't either. I guess to completely be honest, and

1361
01:05:15,480 --> 01:05:18,400
Speaker 8: with that, I think brought a lot of those those challenges.

1362
01:05:18,880 --> 01:05:21,720
Speaker 5: Yeah, the drink, Yeah, No, you did, like you to

1363
01:05:21,840 --> 01:05:24,959
Speaker 5: be fair, You gave me opportunities. You gave me opportunities

1364
01:05:25,080 --> 01:05:28,680
Speaker 5: to actually say how I felt about it, You gave

1365
01:05:28,720 --> 01:05:33,640
Speaker 5: me opportunities to set boundaries. But I don't know. I

1366
01:05:33,760 --> 01:05:36,600
Speaker 5: think I found that it was easier to kind of

1367
01:05:36,920 --> 01:05:42,320
Speaker 5: numb yourself and like pretend you're more a more evolved

1368
01:05:42,480 --> 01:05:44,560
Speaker 5: version of yourself than you than you actually are. And

1369
01:05:44,880 --> 01:05:46,880
Speaker 5: so and eventually that work comes back to you.

1370
01:05:47,240 --> 01:05:48,400
Speaker 1: Did you become resentful?

1371
01:05:49,360 --> 01:05:49,640
Speaker 2: Mmm?

1372
01:05:51,040 --> 01:05:54,080
Speaker 5: I'm kind of as like I'm a resentment prone person.

1373
01:05:55,000 --> 01:06:00,600
Speaker 5: So so yeah, yeah, no, I think so yeah, a

1374
01:06:00,680 --> 01:06:02,360
Speaker 5: little bit, a little bit.

1375
01:06:03,280 --> 01:06:05,720
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm so, I'm I'm just I'm asking you

1376
01:06:05,760 --> 01:06:09,520
Speaker 1: so many questions because I'm so I don't know, I'm

1377
01:06:09,560 --> 01:06:12,920
Speaker 1: so intrigued by your level of maturity and your ability

1378
01:06:13,080 --> 01:06:15,120
Speaker 1: to I mean, like, obviously you're being honest. Like there

1379
01:06:15,200 --> 01:06:16,560
Speaker 1: was a time I was trying to be I was

1380
01:06:16,640 --> 01:06:18,640
Speaker 1: acting rational, but I wasn't feeling that way, and I

1381
01:06:18,680 --> 01:06:21,520
Speaker 1: wasn't being vulnerable and I wasn't really utilizing the plat

1382
01:06:21,720 --> 01:06:23,720
Speaker 1: like the space to be like this is how I

1383
01:06:23,800 --> 01:06:26,480
Speaker 1: honestly feel. So I just feel like so many men

1384
01:06:26,600 --> 01:06:30,240
Speaker 1: miss this, you know, like so many men miss this part.

1385
01:06:30,240 --> 01:06:32,160
Speaker 1: They're like, yeah, I want to open a relationship, I

1386
01:06:32,320 --> 01:06:33,920
Speaker 1: want to fuck, you know, and then like when the

1387
01:06:33,960 --> 01:06:38,400
Speaker 1: tables return, it's like having to dissect your own toxic

1388
01:06:38,520 --> 01:06:42,240
Speaker 1: masculinity and like those feelings of like ah, I man,

1389
01:06:42,440 --> 01:06:45,400
Speaker 1: hear me, roar. I think is like men might need

1390
01:06:45,440 --> 01:06:48,120
Speaker 1: a step by step play on, like yeah, there are

1391
01:06:48,200 --> 01:06:50,640
Speaker 1: things that benefit you guys in the patriarchy that and

1392
01:06:50,680 --> 01:06:52,640
Speaker 1: you know, ownership of your body and that like women

1393
01:06:52,760 --> 01:06:55,200
Speaker 1: don't have, are not empowered to do, or don't feel

1394
01:06:55,200 --> 01:06:58,400
Speaker 1: supported specifically by their partners and by their men to

1395
01:06:58,560 --> 01:07:01,760
Speaker 1: feel free and you know, fulfilling their fantasies and like

1396
01:07:02,240 --> 01:07:04,520
Speaker 1: fulfilling you know, saying yeah, these are my fantasies or

1397
01:07:04,560 --> 01:07:05,520
Speaker 1: this is what I want. I may want to sleep

1398
01:07:05,560 --> 01:07:06,920
Speaker 1: with someone else, has nothing to do with you, but

1399
01:07:07,440 --> 01:07:09,920
Speaker 1: you know, I think I always wonder where are the

1400
01:07:10,000 --> 01:07:12,720
Speaker 1: men who get it, you know, who are willing to

1401
01:07:12,840 --> 01:07:15,720
Speaker 1: admit that these issues are so much like.

1402
01:07:15,760 --> 01:07:17,080
Speaker 2: They got to do the work, They got to have

1403
01:07:17,200 --> 01:07:20,439
Speaker 2: these conversations. They have to find the language to say

1404
01:07:20,520 --> 01:07:23,800
Speaker 2: how they feel. And sometimes that takes time. Sometimes that

1405
01:07:23,920 --> 01:07:26,560
Speaker 2: takes facing shit, like if you don't even know how

1406
01:07:26,600 --> 01:07:28,400
Speaker 2: to express how you feel. And then on top of it,

1407
01:07:28,520 --> 01:07:31,200
Speaker 2: I'm assuming maybe even feel shame that you feel this

1408
01:07:31,280 --> 01:07:34,480
Speaker 2: way because she doesn't like, damn, she more evolved than me.

1409
01:07:34,560 --> 01:07:35,840
Speaker 2: Why can't I feel like that?

1410
01:07:36,160 --> 01:07:36,200
Speaker 5: Like?

1411
01:07:36,320 --> 01:07:38,480
Speaker 3: Why can't I show up like that? What's wrong with me?

1412
01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:39,160
Speaker 5: You know?

1413
01:07:39,440 --> 01:07:41,360
Speaker 2: I know I felt like that in relationships in the past,

1414
01:07:41,440 --> 01:07:43,640
Speaker 2: not even around monogamy, just in general, in other ways

1415
01:07:43,680 --> 01:07:46,200
Speaker 2: and other thought processes, And I'm like, damn, they're so evolved.

1416
01:07:46,200 --> 01:07:47,840
Speaker 3: Why the fuck can't I be that way? Am? I?

1417
01:07:48,040 --> 01:07:48,080
Speaker 6: Like?

1418
01:07:48,360 --> 01:07:48,560
Speaker 5: You know?

1419
01:07:49,360 --> 01:07:52,120
Speaker 3: So, I think there's like a shame that goes along

1420
01:07:52,280 --> 01:07:54,880
Speaker 3: with with that and being a man. I'm not a man.

1421
01:07:54,920 --> 01:07:57,280
Speaker 3: I don't know. I'm just saying what I think.

1422
01:07:57,400 --> 01:07:59,960
Speaker 2: But I think at least having these type of conversations,

1423
01:08:00,000 --> 01:08:01,960
Speaker 2: and I'm so grateful that you guys came and shared

1424
01:08:02,480 --> 01:08:04,200
Speaker 2: you know, your story with us, and you know your

1425
01:08:04,280 --> 01:08:05,800
Speaker 2: journey in this space, but.

1426
01:08:06,680 --> 01:08:09,400
Speaker 3: That these are the kind of conversations that need to.

1427
01:08:09,440 --> 01:08:12,240
Speaker 2: Happen totally conversations that men need to hear, that women

1428
01:08:12,280 --> 01:08:14,160
Speaker 2: need to hear, that married people need to hear that.

1429
01:08:14,240 --> 01:08:16,280
Speaker 2: People that are listening to this at the beginning of

1430
01:08:16,320 --> 01:08:17,559
Speaker 2: this episode and said, what the.

1431
01:08:17,560 --> 01:08:18,240
Speaker 1: Fuck is this shit?

1432
01:08:18,360 --> 01:08:18,519
Speaker 5: Oh?

1433
01:08:18,680 --> 01:08:22,559
Speaker 3: Hell now and now are like huh, Like.

1434
01:08:22,560 --> 01:08:24,320
Speaker 1: I'm like, damn. Do I feel like I own my wife?

1435
01:08:25,439 --> 01:08:25,639
Speaker 5: Yeah?

1436
01:08:25,920 --> 01:08:26,479
Speaker 1: Did I buy her?

1437
01:08:26,800 --> 01:08:28,400
Speaker 6: She is?

1438
01:08:28,479 --> 01:08:28,920
Speaker 4: She mind?

1439
01:08:29,000 --> 01:08:30,360
Speaker 1: I put a number of value on her?

1440
01:08:30,520 --> 01:08:31,320
Speaker 3: Did pay for that wedding?

1441
01:08:31,439 --> 01:08:33,120
Speaker 1: Did I want to block her in the basement or

1442
01:08:33,439 --> 01:08:35,719
Speaker 1: sud she be free to roam? I don't know, It's true.

1443
01:08:35,800 --> 01:08:36,880
Speaker 1: Daniel's so smart, damp.

1444
01:08:37,680 --> 01:08:39,240
Speaker 8: Yeah, And I mean, I think it is important to

1445
01:08:39,280 --> 01:08:41,479
Speaker 8: note once again, like I think you've used the word

1446
01:08:41,600 --> 01:08:44,600
Speaker 8: time and this is really It's taken a lot of

1447
01:08:44,720 --> 01:08:47,599
Speaker 8: time to get where we're at. It's been twelve years,

1448
01:08:47,760 --> 01:08:51,960
Speaker 8: twelve years of unraveling, and I think for men that

1449
01:08:52,080 --> 01:08:57,760
Speaker 8: I'm unraveling goes a lot deeper. Yeah, And so I'm

1450
01:08:57,800 --> 01:09:02,680
Speaker 8: excited for Daniel to eventually work more with me as

1451
01:09:02,720 --> 01:09:09,720
Speaker 8: I coached folks on the particular challenges that men face. Though,

1452
01:09:09,800 --> 01:09:10,880
Speaker 8: I think that'll be really fun.

1453
01:09:11,320 --> 01:09:12,560
Speaker 3: Oh my god, you guys are going to be like

1454
01:09:12,640 --> 01:09:13,880
Speaker 3: a power couple.

1455
01:09:14,439 --> 01:09:16,960
Speaker 1: I think so couples everywhere you go.

1456
01:09:17,479 --> 01:09:17,960
Speaker 5: I love that.

1457
01:09:18,960 --> 01:09:21,439
Speaker 1: It's inspiring. It really is. It's like there's hope in

1458
01:09:21,720 --> 01:09:23,479
Speaker 1: the male race. Amen, Helia.

1459
01:09:24,200 --> 01:09:27,000
Speaker 3: Well, thank you guys for coming. I'm so happy that

1460
01:09:27,080 --> 01:09:28,200
Speaker 3: you guys came all the.

1461
01:09:28,200 --> 01:09:29,639
Speaker 4: Way to the Valley hangout.

1462
01:09:32,160 --> 01:09:34,240
Speaker 2: Can you tell us, like, where can people find your

1463
01:09:34,320 --> 01:09:36,559
Speaker 2: coaching programs? How can they find you guys?

1464
01:09:37,080 --> 01:09:40,200
Speaker 8: Yeah, So Daniel does not have any socials at the moment,

1465
01:09:40,320 --> 01:09:41,200
Speaker 8: but that may change.

1466
01:09:42,479 --> 01:09:45,040
Speaker 3: I don't blame you, Daniel, it's nice.

1467
01:09:45,120 --> 01:09:49,280
Speaker 8: I'm jealous honestly. But you can find me on Instagram

1468
01:09:49,600 --> 01:09:53,680
Speaker 8: at belach Underscore because Instagram keeps deleting my account so

1469
01:09:53,760 --> 01:09:58,639
Speaker 8: I keep having to make new versions of So Baila Underscore,

1470
01:09:58,800 --> 01:10:01,280
Speaker 8: and my website is Baylecha dot com.

1471
01:10:01,560 --> 01:10:05,120
Speaker 1: You can find me awesome, awesome, Well, thank you the

1472
01:10:05,240 --> 01:10:06,120
Speaker 1: led Chase and.

1473
01:10:07,880 --> 01:10:10,360
Speaker 5: Thank you so appreciate that needs.

1474
01:10:10,240 --> 01:10:12,040
Speaker 3: To be your group website, like.

1475
01:10:16,000 --> 01:10:18,280
Speaker 2: And we'll make sure to link all their information in

1476
01:10:18,360 --> 01:10:20,759
Speaker 2: the episode description. Make sure you guys follow us on Instagram,

1477
01:10:20,840 --> 01:10:24,080
Speaker 2: Good Moms Underscore, Bad Choices, follow us on Patreon. We

1478
01:10:24,280 --> 01:10:28,160
Speaker 2: just released an episode over there and we're talking about,

1479
01:10:28,560 --> 01:10:30,600
Speaker 2: you know, all the good things Gang bangs and.

1480
01:10:31,600 --> 01:10:33,040
Speaker 3: Love and grandfathers.

1481
01:10:33,479 --> 01:10:39,160
Speaker 1: You know, basic shiite, very deep, very deep.

1482
01:10:39,200 --> 01:10:42,799
Speaker 2: Very Sexyreon dot com backslash good mom's bad.

1483
01:10:42,720 --> 01:10:47,840
Speaker 1: Choices, don't forget to take care of yourself and love yourself.

1484
01:10:47,720 --> 01:10:49,600
Speaker 2: Date yourself. I hope you guys are taking yourself on

1485
01:10:49,720 --> 01:10:52,200
Speaker 2: dates spending time with yourself. This month, we are really

1486
01:10:52,240 --> 01:10:55,200
Speaker 2: focusing on self love and what and doing all that stuff.

1487
01:10:55,280 --> 01:10:56,519
Speaker 3: So we're always fucking focusing on.

1488
01:10:56,560 --> 01:10:58,639
Speaker 1: Even if you're in a relationship, even if you're married.

1489
01:10:58,720 --> 01:11:00,680
Speaker 1: I think this is like a really good example of

1490
01:11:00,880 --> 01:11:03,920
Speaker 1: showing up for yourself and being honest about with your

1491
01:11:03,960 --> 01:11:06,880
Speaker 1: partner is really serving yourself and loving yourself. There's so

1492
01:11:06,960 --> 01:11:10,840
Speaker 1: many ways to love on yourself, and even in relationship.

1493
01:11:10,960 --> 01:11:13,559
Speaker 1: I think it's really important that you maintain that as

1494
01:11:13,600 --> 01:11:14,160
Speaker 1: you can see.

1495
01:11:14,479 --> 01:11:18,240
Speaker 4: Amen, Hika, Okay, see you next week. Bye bye,