WEBVTT - EP 345: Dating is Truly the Ghetto (Ft. Sahar) 0:00:02.560 --> 0:00:09.000 Guess what decision we're about to make horrible decisions. Hey guys, 0:00:09.160 --> 0:00:11.920 welcome to another episode of horrible. 0:00:14.320 --> 0:00:19.720 That might have been good. Yea, that was pretty good. 0:00:20.800 --> 0:00:22.840 It's because I haven't been sucking good. So my vocal 0:00:22.880 --> 0:00:25.720 cords are just it's it's just new. They're not damaged. 0:00:25.880 --> 0:00:30.440 You just making it up, both of y'all. I'm your girl, Mandy. 0:00:30.320 --> 0:00:34.199 V aka pay the Stallion aka that bitch. 0:00:34.360 --> 0:00:37.280 What's up, y'all? I'm weezy, And today we have a guest. 0:00:37.840 --> 0:00:39.440 Mandy and her know each other, but she's one of 0:00:39.440 --> 0:00:42.080 my favorite TikTok people. And I don't even have a TikTok. 0:00:43.080 --> 0:00:45.000 That's crazy that you don't have a TikTok. We watch 0:00:45.040 --> 0:00:48.240 TikTok on Instagram, I watch it on Twitter, but people 0:00:48.280 --> 0:00:51.479 like just send me things. And I was looking for 0:00:51.600 --> 0:00:54.080 a guest because I feel like everybody's like interviewing dating 0:00:54.120 --> 0:00:56.640 coaches recently, and they all have the same kind of 0:00:56.680 --> 0:01:00.640 like mundane voice in a way, and it's kind of 0:01:00.720 --> 0:01:03.200 annoying me. So I was like, damn, who could we 0:01:03.360 --> 0:01:05.840 like interview that actually creates content around dating? And it 0:01:05.920 --> 0:01:08.920 was perfect when I found you, especially, So wait, how 0:01:08.959 --> 0:01:12.559 do y'all know each other through Chelsea. Yeah. So she's 0:01:12.600 --> 0:01:15.760 the first woman who's ever left me speechless. I have 0:01:15.920 --> 0:01:18.360 ever been speechless in my entire life. What was she 0:01:18.360 --> 0:01:20.160 talking about as, Oh, yeah, I don't know what would 0:01:20.160 --> 0:01:22.199 we talk about yourl I feel like I would say 0:01:22.200 --> 0:01:24.160 some crazy shit that I did, and then my ship 0:01:24.319 --> 0:01:26.840 seemed like PG to her. She would say something and 0:01:26.880 --> 0:01:29.760 I started feeling got prude. I was like, well, I've 0:01:29.760 --> 0:01:32.680 only pegged one guy. She was like, I know. I 0:01:32.760 --> 0:01:37.560 was like, okay, you're talking about we were on street, 0:01:37.640 --> 0:01:41.040 we were getting having a fancy ass dinner, talk about sucking. 0:01:43.240 --> 0:01:47.680 But then also when when she was so everyone in 0:01:47.760 --> 0:01:50.800 that group is married as partners, I'm the only single 0:01:50.800 --> 0:01:53.680 bitch going around like just really trying to fig us 0:01:53.680 --> 0:01:56.600 on this. This was no, this was a year, year 0:01:56.760 --> 0:02:00.360 or two ago. You were a single year ago. Maybe 0:02:00.360 --> 0:02:02.360 at the time, maybe at the time, maybe you know, 0:02:02.440 --> 0:02:04.200 maybe I was on one of my thirteen brains. Yeah, 0:02:04.240 --> 0:02:06.120 I was on one of my I was on one 0:02:06.120 --> 0:02:07.240 of my thirteen brains. 0:02:07.280 --> 0:02:11.880 And we also go to Soho house and everyone's dancing. 0:02:11.880 --> 0:02:13.880 Because this is when, by the way, shout out black 0:02:13.880 --> 0:02:16.679 girls texting. They threw likes here in the summertime the 0:02:16.760 --> 0:02:18.640 Soho house. So we're on the rooftop. 0:02:19.320 --> 0:02:22.080 I look over and some of y'all saved the video 0:02:22.120 --> 0:02:23.720 because everyone wanted to know who the hell you were. 0:02:24.200 --> 0:02:27.600 This girl has one leg on the ground, the other 0:02:27.720 --> 0:02:32.399 leg literally behind this man moving her ass. And I said, oh, 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:33.880 this is why you gotta ring. This is why you 0:02:33.919 --> 0:02:37.560 getting it because I cannot do this. I might still 0:02:37.560 --> 0:02:39.239 have it on my phone because you asked both in 0:02:39.320 --> 0:02:42.120 my hands the ways the PA. I said, Oh, I 0:02:42.160 --> 0:02:44.400 ain't never gonna get a man if I gotta do this, okay. 0:02:44.440 --> 0:02:47.960 So it's not beauty, It's not just beauty and not 0:02:48.080 --> 0:02:48.720 just brains. 0:02:48.760 --> 0:02:52.000 She is fun, she like and I think that when 0:02:52.120 --> 0:02:55.200 when you think of like beautiful girls who get rich 0:02:55.320 --> 0:02:57.640 niggas or things like that. Like even to find out 0:02:57.720 --> 0:03:00.360 like he graduated from fucking Columbia, which, bytom way, you 0:03:00.400 --> 0:03:02.400 had a cute man that was in your class, and 0:03:02.400 --> 0:03:05.079 I'm mad he moved back overseas, you know what I know. 0:03:05.880 --> 0:03:09.000 And so I think to be in a group as 0:03:09.240 --> 0:03:12.679 as myself who isn't seeking marriage and things like that, 0:03:12.760 --> 0:03:15.360 it was really interesting to be around because there's Gabby, 0:03:15.400 --> 0:03:18.520 there's Chelsea, there's all these women who literally want the 0:03:18.560 --> 0:03:20.639 opposite of what I do. So when we all get together, 0:03:20.680 --> 0:03:23.040 like there's just so many different narratives on how to 0:03:23.080 --> 0:03:26.320 do things. And what's crazy too, is I know what 0:03:26.360 --> 0:03:27.920 I've been coming on here saying, and we're gonna get 0:03:27.960 --> 0:03:28.680 into dating. 0:03:29.160 --> 0:03:33.519 I actually was told something not to do when dating. 0:03:33.560 --> 0:03:36.760 Now now that I'm like going out dating from these 0:03:36.800 --> 0:03:40.760 types of conversations, I've been actually told I am shooting 0:03:40.760 --> 0:03:43.480 myself in the foot for going into dates saying I 0:03:43.480 --> 0:03:45.280 don't want kids, I don't want marriage, I don't want 0:03:45.320 --> 0:03:47.040 all the things that I talk about on this pod. 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:49.360 Because I told you that I was in a group. 0:03:49.360 --> 0:03:50.640 It wasn't even a girl that I know. This was 0:03:50.680 --> 0:03:51.280 in LA. 0:03:51.360 --> 0:03:52.880 So we're all at talks and I'm like, yeah, girl, 0:03:52.880 --> 0:03:54.920 I don't want this, I don't want this, and she 0:03:55.120 --> 0:03:57.280 was like, oh, well, then if you go into dates 0:03:57.360 --> 0:04:00.000 letting a guy know there's literally gonna be zero things 0:04:00.240 --> 0:04:02.400 for him to show up and want to pursue with you. Yeah, 0:04:03.000 --> 0:04:05.480 even as a man, say they don't even want those things. No, 0:04:05.560 --> 0:04:07.520 but as soon as they know you don't want you, 0:04:08.120 --> 0:04:08.800 that's interesting. 0:04:08.920 --> 0:04:10.760 So literally it was like, oh no, go in and 0:04:10.800 --> 0:04:13.640 say you want to ring summer Walker, go in. 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:15.640 And say you want a faithful man. Go in and 0:04:15.640 --> 0:04:17.360 maybe because you want to be a mom, because they're 0:04:17.360 --> 0:04:23.200 not our guests by the way, so you Yeah, I 0:04:23.240 --> 0:04:26.680 think like man are exploitative in nature, And what I 0:04:26.720 --> 0:04:29.200 mean by that is if you give them an inch, 0:04:29.200 --> 0:04:31.080 they're going to take them out. Like I think that's 0:04:31.080 --> 0:04:35.000 who they are. Like if you ask for the bare minimum, 0:04:35.040 --> 0:04:37.320 they're gonna just give you less. But like that's just 0:04:37.400 --> 0:04:40.039 that's just who they are humans. So I feel like 0:04:40.080 --> 0:04:42.479 you need to set the bar so high to get 0:04:42.480 --> 0:04:45.040 the bare ridimum. Like I think when you're going in 0:04:45.080 --> 0:04:46.960 there and being like, oh, I don't want kids, I 0:04:47.000 --> 0:04:48.400 don't want to ring, I don't want this, I don't 0:04:48.400 --> 0:04:51.040 want that, then they're gonna be like, well, nigga, I'll 0:04:51.040 --> 0:04:53.400 give you this. Yeah exactly, I'm not gonna give you shit. 0:04:53.760 --> 0:04:55.320 Like I agree with you. I don't want any of 0:04:55.320 --> 0:04:57.040 that too. But the fact that you don't want it, 0:04:57.480 --> 0:05:00.599 why am I going to show up for you? You know, 0:05:00.760 --> 0:05:04.240 what do you want? Then? A long term partners really matter? Yeah, 0:05:04.360 --> 0:05:06.120 I just feel like it's none of their fucking business 0:05:06.120 --> 0:05:08.960 what you want. You know what I'm saying why because 0:05:09.000 --> 0:05:10.960 they're not even really about to give you what you 0:05:11.000 --> 0:05:13.240 what you really want, you know what I'm saying, Like 0:05:13.360 --> 0:05:15.480 they're not sitting there actually trying to take notes, like 0:05:15.600 --> 0:05:18.440 let me deliver what she fucking wants. No, we all 0:05:18.680 --> 0:05:21.120 fuck they gonna give you what they want to give you, 0:05:21.400 --> 0:05:23.920 so at least go in there and like have some requirements, 0:05:23.960 --> 0:05:25.920 you know, like when you show up for a job interview. 0:05:26.040 --> 0:05:27.440 You're not gonna go in there and be like, I 0:05:27.480 --> 0:05:29.480 don't want no breaks, I don't want no bonus, I 0:05:29.480 --> 0:05:32.200 don't want this, I don't want that. They're gonna be like, Okay, well, 0:05:32.320 --> 0:05:34.039 we still not gonna give you any of that. But 0:05:34.480 --> 0:05:36.720 the fact that you don't want it now we're thinking 0:05:36.720 --> 0:05:38.600 about maybe I should give this to the next person, 0:05:39.240 --> 0:05:41.960 or not only that, maybe I'll give it to you 0:05:42.440 --> 0:05:44.320 and you're gonna show up and do all the things 0:05:44.320 --> 0:05:46.120 and yeah, liver because you're gonna want me to give 0:05:46.120 --> 0:05:48.640 you those things that. Yeah. So let me ask you 0:05:48.680 --> 0:05:51.640 this because for some reason it's making me think of situationships. 0:05:52.480 --> 0:05:54.359 Do you think that by a women saying she's not 0:05:54.400 --> 0:05:57.320 looking for X y Z that she can possibly end 0:05:57.400 --> 0:06:00.600 up in a situationship because there's not. Like A said, 0:06:01.320 --> 0:06:03.640 I mean, it depends on the woman. Like I feel 0:06:03.680 --> 0:06:06.520 like when you go into a situation and announce what 0:06:06.560 --> 0:06:10.279 you don't want, you're setting your pigeonholing yourself, Like I 0:06:10.320 --> 0:06:13.120 think you should keep that just close to the chest 0:06:13.200 --> 0:06:15.160 so that if you do want to pivot, and if 0:06:15.200 --> 0:06:17.839 you do end up wanting more, then great. It's always 0:06:17.920 --> 0:06:20.720 easier to ask for more and then want less than 0:06:20.839 --> 0:06:24.120 ask for less and then want and want in this 0:06:24.200 --> 0:06:27.880 relationship though, and say, like, you know, even you saying 0:06:27.880 --> 0:06:29.719 that you're not an emotional person or you don't want love, 0:06:30.320 --> 0:06:34.520 I believe you said you don't want you need a kiss, 0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:35.640 you don't need to do intimacy. 0:06:35.680 --> 0:06:38.320 But that was so no, no, no no, So as of 0:06:38.400 --> 0:06:41.200 right now, those are actually why I'm not in these 0:06:41.800 --> 0:06:47.040 casual sex relationships anymore. I absolutely want kissing, I'm saying, 0:06:47.080 --> 0:06:47.760 but from. 0:06:47.520 --> 0:06:50.919 Before, so when I hear you today, I believe you 0:06:51.200 --> 0:06:55.200 about nothing except kids. I think that if the right 0:06:55.279 --> 0:06:57.920 person came in and really changed your life and made 0:06:57.920 --> 0:07:00.120 you feel whole and you see yourself as a and 0:07:00.240 --> 0:07:02.640 and he's on your level, I think that you can 0:07:02.720 --> 0:07:04.440 understand marriage and you'd be like, yeah, why I think 0:07:04.480 --> 0:07:08.800 you might even lock kids. I don't know, maybe not 0:07:08.880 --> 0:07:12.000 like via yourself, like maybe via surrogate. You don't know. 0:07:12.040 --> 0:07:14.840 So I'll be honest with you too in terms of marriage, 0:07:15.120 --> 0:07:18.720 especially now, I think that marriage to me, and we 0:07:18.720 --> 0:07:20.880 can get into what that looks like as well, because 0:07:20.920 --> 0:07:22.840 y'all we got a lawyer, so we talking prenupts and 0:07:22.880 --> 0:07:27.040 all the things. To me, marriage after realistically, this relationship 0:07:27.080 --> 0:07:30.760 with you, the relationship with Bridget, those are partnerships. I 0:07:30.800 --> 0:07:33.080 don't want no more with him, thanks, I ain't gonna 0:07:33.080 --> 0:07:35.720 hold you. The idea of splitting assets, the idea of 0:07:35.800 --> 0:07:38.560 actually really holding out in something that maybe doesn't make 0:07:38.600 --> 0:07:40.960 me feel good in the moment, Like I can walk 0:07:41.000 --> 0:07:44.480 away easier in friendships or boyfriend relationships than I've been 0:07:44.520 --> 0:07:45.760 able to do from. 0:07:45.560 --> 0:07:48.360 You or or Bridge. Maybe that is the idea of 0:07:48.360 --> 0:07:51.080 a bit, maybe with your ex because he wasn't necessarily 0:07:51.760 --> 0:07:53.840 the Krem de la Crem of niggas financially, but if 0:07:53.840 --> 0:07:55.520 he was, you might want married. 0:07:55.680 --> 0:07:57.720 But that's the thing then to me, am I just 0:07:57.800 --> 0:08:00.480 marrying for money? As of right now, I'm in a 0:08:00.520 --> 0:08:03.320 place where you don't have to. I don't have to 0:08:03.680 --> 0:08:04.520 marry for money. 0:08:04.560 --> 0:08:06.440 So here's why you had to make a partnership with me. 0:08:06.520 --> 0:08:10.480 Can't speak for bridget. We're building something amazing and we 0:08:10.560 --> 0:08:13.840 knew it was becoming financially lucrative, and that's why we 0:08:13.880 --> 0:08:16.560 had to do that, and we to this day can't 0:08:16.560 --> 0:08:18.440 even break that because that's how much our shit is worth. 0:08:18.640 --> 0:08:20.720 If one of us wanted to leave, we'd be figuring 0:08:20.720 --> 0:08:22.360 out what the fuck we would do with a small person. 0:08:22.480 --> 0:08:25.160 At my point, if you built a relationship with someone 0:08:25.200 --> 0:08:29.000 and started building an amazing life and building businesses and 0:08:29.040 --> 0:08:31.720 having things that are more than just surface level, you 0:08:31.800 --> 0:08:35.160 may want that marriage. And I imagine how brain works 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:36.480 with a friend when you build a business. 0:08:36.520 --> 0:08:40.400 And that's my thing. I don't believe in friendships and business. 0:08:40.559 --> 0:08:43.479 I don't believe in like navigating. 0:08:43.080 --> 0:08:46.560 Those podcasts, even you've even made podcast that you produce, Like, 0:08:47.160 --> 0:08:49.800 I'm just trying to get you to see beyond like 0:08:50.440 --> 0:08:54.280 your no as more to your connection with a friend 0:08:54.559 --> 0:08:57.199 is not as deep as the partner that may be 0:08:57.320 --> 0:08:59.320 the one you end up with forever. Right, So if 0:08:59.360 --> 0:09:02.440 you could decide to produce a podcast for friends, or 0:09:02.520 --> 0:09:04.760 decide to get a take a fucking cruise with a 0:09:04.760 --> 0:09:07.199 friend and do a vacation thing and do a club 0:09:07.280 --> 0:09:09.880 night with them. You might come up with something bigger 0:09:09.920 --> 0:09:12.199 and better with the man that's meant to be for you. 0:09:12.520 --> 0:09:17.040 I'm telling you, I think when you meet someone that's 0:09:17.080 --> 0:09:20.120 probably going to be your mate, they're going to fill 0:09:20.200 --> 0:09:22.440 you up way more than your friends that are smart 0:09:22.440 --> 0:09:25.040 and business minded. I mean, that's definitely, that's definitely true. 0:09:25.080 --> 0:09:27.440 I think maybe marriage for you is not right now, 0:09:27.520 --> 0:09:30.400 and that right now may never come. Also right right 0:09:30.480 --> 0:09:32.960 it might. It might be not right now, and you 0:09:33.040 --> 0:09:35.520 say that for the rest of your life, or you 0:09:35.600 --> 0:09:39.360 might meet someone or ten people you never know right 0:09:39.679 --> 0:09:43.440 that make you want to commit, that make you want 0:09:43.480 --> 0:09:46.080 to not be able to easily walk away. Men are 0:09:46.120 --> 0:09:49.840 better than the last men you dated. For like, I 0:09:49.840 --> 0:09:51.360 don't know about that. I don't know about that. I 0:09:51.360 --> 0:09:51.680 don't know. 0:09:52.240 --> 0:09:54.280 But also I know about a lot of Like me 0:09:54.320 --> 0:09:56.160 and my friends talk about all the partners they have, 0:09:56.640 --> 0:10:01.079 some of y'all listen, none of them, niggas is good here. 0:10:01.400 --> 0:10:03.640 There's not one man that any of my friend date 0:10:03.760 --> 0:10:05.200 or that you would want to be what I would 0:10:05.200 --> 0:10:06.800 want to be with. And so even when I look 0:10:06.920 --> 0:10:09.319 back at my ex or any of the men honestly 0:10:09.360 --> 0:10:11.319 throughout my twenties. And I know y'all, y'all are sick 0:10:11.320 --> 0:10:13.320 of hearing about my ex When I look at even 0:10:13.400 --> 0:10:15.480 all of the men that either made me cry that 0:10:15.559 --> 0:10:17.800 I opened my legs too, that I sat here and 0:10:17.880 --> 0:10:20.160 wanted to spend so much time with. When I look 0:10:20.200 --> 0:10:23.360 at literally the like, I wish I could take all 0:10:23.400 --> 0:10:25.080 that shit back. None of them niggas was good. 0:10:25.280 --> 0:10:27.160 I look at a lot of them now, None of 0:10:27.160 --> 0:10:28.920 them nigga would have fulfilled me or made me happy 0:10:28.920 --> 0:10:29.760 and who I am today? 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:34.520 Like, so to be there, nah, you think do you think? 0:10:34.920 --> 0:10:38.920 Do you do you think there's anyone who's happy? Well? 0:10:39.080 --> 0:10:41.200 Man, So here's the thing. It's not even with And 0:10:41.240 --> 0:10:43.280 I don't, of course want to make this mail back yeah, 0:10:43.280 --> 0:10:45.240 because no, no, no, I don't think it is. 0:10:45.320 --> 0:10:45.480 Well. 0:10:45.480 --> 0:10:47.080 I know there's a lot of queer people that listen 0:10:47.160 --> 0:10:51.040 to right, So in relationships as a whole, I think 0:10:51.080 --> 0:10:54.800 that unfortunately we've gotten to a place where romantic relationships 0:10:55.320 --> 0:10:59.640 have these impossible expectations. I agree, And so that's the problem. 0:10:59.679 --> 0:11:02.280 So when I'm sitting here traveling with my friends, like 0:11:02.360 --> 0:11:04.720 I just spent a fucking week in Abu Dhabi and 0:11:04.760 --> 0:11:05.920 it was fucking amazing. 0:11:05.960 --> 0:11:07.480 And what if you met a man that would buy 0:11:07.520 --> 0:11:10.080 the grip with you in Abu Dhabi? I mean, but 0:11:10.080 --> 0:11:12.600 that's what I'm saying. So that's still okay. Cool. Let 0:11:12.640 --> 0:11:14.000 me sit here and get a sugar dady, let me 0:11:14.040 --> 0:11:15.840 see here and make a transactional relationship. 0:11:16.160 --> 0:11:18.280 That's fine. But when I sit here and think about 0:11:18.559 --> 0:11:23.480 the the unrealistic expectations of a partner, and most romantically, 0:11:24.000 --> 0:11:27.600 it's emotionally, it's financially it's you sit here and give 0:11:27.640 --> 0:11:30.400 this person X amount of time to do you wrong. 0:11:30.480 --> 0:11:32.640 Mind you a friend fuck up? One time you cut 0:11:32.679 --> 0:11:34.720 them out, You cut them out. There's just all of 0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:36.839 these things. And also you don't want to share a 0:11:36.960 --> 0:11:40.720 romantic partner. You have these jealousies and these emotions that 0:11:40.800 --> 0:11:42.880 you don't realize this with family or friends. 0:11:43.240 --> 0:11:46.200 To me, those those types of relationships really are confusing 0:11:46.200 --> 0:11:48.000 to me now because when I sit here and talk 0:11:48.080 --> 0:11:51.080 to my friends about it, I'm like, why are we 0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:55.160 doing this? Why are we suggesting subjecting ourselves? Well, what's 0:11:55.200 --> 0:11:55.800 the other option? 0:11:55.960 --> 0:12:00.120 If you are a woman who wants marriage and children, 0:12:00.559 --> 0:12:04.640 what is our other option but to subject ourselves to 0:12:04.679 --> 0:12:09.800 the bullshit. But also there's I love my work, like 0:12:10.000 --> 0:12:12.680 I feel like I have amazing job, jobs whatever, like 0:12:13.440 --> 0:12:17.400 nothing good comes without bullshit. No, I agree, agree, right, 0:12:17.440 --> 0:12:19.920 so like I expect that it won't be worse. I agree, 0:12:19.920 --> 0:12:23.679 And I think like our grandma's generation was so bad 0:12:23.720 --> 0:12:26.000 where they were getting their ass bet every day, and 0:12:26.040 --> 0:12:29.000 then I think one thing a new generation always does 0:12:29.120 --> 0:12:31.440 is we swing the pendulum so far to the right 0:12:31.520 --> 0:12:33.640 because we want to get away from this. And so 0:12:33.760 --> 0:12:36.200 we've swung the pendulum so far to the right where 0:12:36.200 --> 0:12:38.840 we're like, oh, he does this cut him off, Like 0:12:38.880 --> 0:12:40.560 I'm not gonna be like my mom. I'm not gonna 0:12:40.559 --> 0:12:42.280 be like my grandma. And it's like, you know, there's 0:12:42.320 --> 0:12:45.080 a middle ground. There's a middle ground, and we keep 0:12:45.120 --> 0:12:47.240 doing this. It's the same thing that we did with 0:12:47.280 --> 0:12:50.120 the whole like feminist movement. Right bitches over here, we're like, oh, 0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:52.280 I don't I want to go to work, Like I 0:12:52.280 --> 0:12:54.719 don't want to sit at home and make sandwiches. We 0:12:55.840 --> 0:12:58.280 swung the pendulum so far to the right, being like 0:12:58.360 --> 0:13:01.800 oh no, like now now everybody wants to stay at home. 0:13:01.840 --> 0:13:03.840 Now everybody wants to rely on me. It's like we 0:13:03.920 --> 0:13:06.440 can't seem to sit in a middle ground. We can't 0:13:06.480 --> 0:13:09.320 seem to say, well, the reason why those women wanted 0:13:09.400 --> 0:13:11.319 to go to work was because they couldn't fucking own 0:13:11.400 --> 0:13:13.800 property or have a bank account without a man. And 0:13:13.840 --> 0:13:16.000 the reason you bitches want to sit at home is 0:13:16.040 --> 0:13:18.200 because going to work and working in nine to five 0:13:18.320 --> 0:13:23.240 is not built for the female. You know, body, why 0:13:23.240 --> 0:13:25.640 don't we find something in the middle ground and try 0:13:25.640 --> 0:13:29.120 to find careers that fulfill us and that inspire us. 0:13:29.160 --> 0:13:31.319 And you know, we can't make our money. But men 0:13:31.440 --> 0:13:34.880 still are chivalrous and they're still masculine in all of that. 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:39.080 So do you lean into the patriarchy as a woman 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:41.520 who's a lawyer. Yeah, I don't know what your middle 0:13:41.520 --> 0:13:46.440 ground is to how you've been able to achieve professional success. Yeah, 0:13:46.480 --> 0:13:48.720 but you've also been able to be very much into 0:13:48.760 --> 0:13:52.920 your divine femininity to where you're not a masculine woman present. 0:13:53.080 --> 0:13:57.199 I mean, yeah, your relationship you are. I actually disagree. 0:13:57.800 --> 0:14:01.520 I think that your videos have ella masculine energy. Yeah, 0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:02.320 but in a good way. 0:14:02.480 --> 0:14:04.280 Well, like the videos are one thing I'm talking about 0:14:04.280 --> 0:14:06.600 in her relationship. Maybe the relationship, but I was gonna say, 0:14:06.600 --> 0:14:10.160 you definitely give me like to me, that's why that's 0:14:10.200 --> 0:14:13.640 why you see the comments where dudes are mad, they 0:14:13.679 --> 0:14:17.000 don't get mad at the girls that have the soft attitude. Especially. 0:14:17.160 --> 0:14:18.800 There's a video I like of you as I'm trying 0:14:18.840 --> 0:14:20.720 to think, it's fresh on my mind because I look 0:14:20.760 --> 0:14:24.520 this morning, you're in a workout outfit. Yeah, I'm talking 0:14:24.560 --> 0:14:28.360 about your body looks amazing, beaut Okay, yes, anyway, you 0:14:28.360 --> 0:14:29.680 know you guys tell me I don't know this, Like 0:14:29.720 --> 0:14:32.200 I'm a layers two times anyway, and then you go 0:14:32.280 --> 0:14:35.320 back into it and it's like it's so strong that 0:14:35.440 --> 0:14:38.120 I feel like men even when they're looking at you, 0:14:38.200 --> 0:14:41.440 be beautiful. You were in your kitchen, yeah, look dainty. Yeah. 0:14:41.720 --> 0:14:44.760 Just the assertiveness is masculinity to me. Well, to me, 0:14:44.880 --> 0:14:48.560 the assertiveness is femininity. So to me, it's like, I 0:14:48.880 --> 0:14:51.760 think right now, the way that things are being portrayed 0:14:51.800 --> 0:14:55.760 as masculine is strong in your face, assertive, right, and 0:14:55.880 --> 0:14:58.920 feminine is thinky and quiet and speaks like this, And 0:14:59.000 --> 0:15:00.560 I just I don't, I don't. I don't believe that. 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:06.040 I think feminine is being strong, but being strong like 0:15:06.080 --> 0:15:10.880 having this internal strength, right, and I think masculine is 0:15:10.920 --> 0:15:14.920 a little bit more. I think it's like a roughness 0:15:15.000 --> 0:15:19.560 that that isn't quite strategic, that isn't quite tailored. But 0:15:19.600 --> 0:15:22.360 I think to be a strong woman and to be 0:15:22.440 --> 0:15:25.320 assertive is to be extremely feminine. And the reason why 0:15:25.360 --> 0:15:27.280 I want to push back on that is because for 0:15:27.360 --> 0:15:30.640 so long we've lived in a society where the feminine 0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:34.080 woman was the dainty, quiet woman. And what that's done 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:39.480 is it has made white women be extremely feminine, and 0:15:39.680 --> 0:15:43.960 Black women and women of color be considered extremely because 0:15:44.000 --> 0:15:47.960 they're assertive, because they're loud, because or they're exactly what 0:15:48.000 --> 0:15:51.160 they want. Right. So I want to push back on 0:15:51.200 --> 0:15:54.160 this notion of what is feminine and what is masculine, 0:15:54.160 --> 0:15:58.000 and this idea that like the strong and the quiet 0:15:57.800 --> 0:16:03.520 are the two worlds that we have to do. Yeah. No, 0:16:03.640 --> 0:16:07.200 I am a feminine spoken woman. Yeah, who will like 0:16:07.320 --> 0:16:10.760 fuck you up, period, you know what I mean? That's 0:16:10.800 --> 0:16:14.680 who I am, Like I'm and and everyone. The way 0:16:14.680 --> 0:16:16.640 that I am in my relationship is kind of a 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:20.080 mixture of that. Like I am feminine. I mean, you 0:16:20.120 --> 0:16:22.520 have to understand, I was raised in a Middle Eastern culture, 0:16:22.560 --> 0:16:24.680 in a Middle Eastern household. What does that mean? That 0:16:24.720 --> 0:16:26.560 means literally, from the time that I was a child. 0:16:26.920 --> 0:16:29.960 Everything I've done, everything that I was pushed to do, 0:16:30.560 --> 0:16:33.280 was not to be great individually, but to be great 0:16:33.320 --> 0:16:37.920 in order for a man to pick me for me'ron. Okay, 0:16:38.040 --> 0:16:42.880 So like Middle Eastern Muslim household, you're just you're raised 0:16:42.880 --> 0:16:46.080 to be a wife. Not every culture raises women to 0:16:46.120 --> 0:16:47.880 be a wife, but you're raised to be a wife 0:16:47.920 --> 0:16:50.800 from from the very beginning. You're like, let me go 0:16:50.880 --> 0:16:53.280 to law school and get degrees. Not because I just 0:16:53.280 --> 0:16:55.480 fucking am so excited to be a lawyer, but because 0:16:55.520 --> 0:16:58.160 that's just going to increase That's what. That's where I'll 0:16:58.160 --> 0:17:00.880 meet a man and that will increase my value and 0:17:00.920 --> 0:17:07.280 potential of them finding a greater man. What were the 0:17:07.920 --> 0:17:13.200 what were culturally the sexual like I don't know the 0:17:13.320 --> 0:17:15.080 views maybe when you were growing up, because I know 0:17:15.119 --> 0:17:17.240 with black women it's always like you're moving too fast 0:17:17.280 --> 0:17:19.800 or this or that or like the thing that we're 0:17:19.840 --> 0:17:23.200 not supposed to you know, do when we're growing up. 0:17:23.240 --> 0:17:25.399 But what was it in Middle Eastern culture? Like I mean, 0:17:25.400 --> 0:17:27.880 you're not supposed to do shit. We person you run, 0:17:28.640 --> 0:17:30.800 You're not supposed to be doing shit. And I was 0:17:31.040 --> 0:17:33.800 I was just a bad kid, like I've I had 0:17:33.840 --> 0:17:36.240 a growth spur from sixth grade to seventh grade. So 0:17:36.280 --> 0:17:38.399 I've been damn near six feet tall since I was 0:17:38.440 --> 0:17:40.800 thirteen years old. I've looked exactly the same. The only 0:17:40.840 --> 0:17:43.200 thing that's changed is my nose because I've got two 0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:46.200 rundo plasties. But other than that, I've just looked exactly 0:17:46.240 --> 0:17:49.239 the same. And you weren't allowed to do anything, you know, 0:17:49.359 --> 0:17:51.439 like and I grew up in that household where my 0:17:51.520 --> 0:17:54.560 mother wears the hit job, so we come from a 0:17:54.880 --> 0:17:57.879 very religious household. When I was nine years old, I 0:17:57.920 --> 0:17:59.520 decided I wanted to wear the hit job so I 0:17:59.520 --> 0:18:01.280 could be like, you know, I'm a little girl. I 0:18:01.280 --> 0:18:03.280 want to be just like my mom. It coincides a 0:18:03.359 --> 0:18:05.560 nine to eleven, so I'm getting teased at school and 0:18:05.600 --> 0:18:08.679 I come home and I tell my parents, yeah, about 0:18:08.680 --> 0:18:11.040 that hit job, like I don't want to wear that anymore, 0:18:11.040 --> 0:18:13.439 and they're like, no, no, you can't change your mind. 0:18:13.680 --> 0:18:15.680 And I was like, you can't change your mind. I 0:18:15.680 --> 0:18:18.720 can't change my mind. So from the time I was 0:18:18.800 --> 0:18:22.080 twelve thirteen, I'm going to school like low Ki burk 0:18:22.119 --> 0:18:25.280 it out and then I'm changing into the smallest mini 0:18:25.359 --> 0:18:29.439 skirt and I'm like I'm a fast little girl. At 0:18:29.440 --> 0:18:32.320 the time, I'm not telling people I'm twelve thirteen. I'm 0:18:32.320 --> 0:18:36.000 going meeting guys in college who are seventeen eighteen, and 0:18:36.040 --> 0:18:38.680 I'm doing the things. And it was bad. It got. 0:18:39.280 --> 0:18:42.440 It got so bad that the way my dad found 0:18:42.440 --> 0:18:46.000 out about everything, who and imagine he thinks I'm like 0:18:46.160 --> 0:18:48.920 a good girl who's wearing a hit job. My mother 0:18:50.240 --> 0:18:52.520 had a trip planned to Iran. He goes and drops 0:18:52.560 --> 0:18:54.399 her off at the airport, and my little twelve thirteen 0:18:54.440 --> 0:18:56.560 year old mind, I calculated that I had more time 0:18:56.560 --> 0:18:59.359 than I actually did. Me and my little home best friend. 0:18:59.400 --> 0:19:02.520 She comes over. We invite two guys who are college 0:19:02.520 --> 0:19:06.439 football players. She's having full on sex with one in bed, 0:19:06.720 --> 0:19:10.080 and I'm damn near naked. In a song, my dad 0:19:10.119 --> 0:19:15.240 walks in, Ohls, my Middle Eastern Muslim father walks in 0:19:15.720 --> 0:19:19.280 and drops to his knees with black girl. Yes they 0:19:19.280 --> 0:19:21.040 were black. So I just wanted to know because I 0:19:21.080 --> 0:19:26.760 know it's worse and what happened, I mean, it was 0:19:26.840 --> 0:19:29.720 just like a pause for a second. And my dad's 0:19:29.720 --> 0:19:31.360 a big dude. My dad's six or four. My dad 0:19:31.359 --> 0:19:33.840 was a bodybuilder. He trained with Arnold, So I get 0:19:33.840 --> 0:19:36.679 the fuck out of here, and the guys they run out, 0:19:36.960 --> 0:19:40.760 And the next day my parents took me to a 0:19:40.840 --> 0:19:42.879 doctor to see if I was a vision or not. 0:19:43.560 --> 0:19:45.359 Oh wait not then to pull on the TI on you. 0:19:45.480 --> 0:19:48.800 And the wild part is I had never had sex, y'all. 0:19:48.840 --> 0:19:51.320 I had never had sex. Okay, but your hymen can 0:19:51.400 --> 0:19:53.920 rip in a variety of fucking ways. 0:19:54.000 --> 0:19:56.159 And I will say that was that is one of 0:19:56.200 --> 0:19:59.800 the myths that if you're in like anywhere from your 0:19:59.800 --> 0:20:03.359 earth on, the idea was if your hymen was broken, 0:20:03.440 --> 0:20:04.400 you had to have sex. 0:20:04.920 --> 0:20:07.639 We now know you could do from riding a bike 0:20:07.720 --> 0:20:11.959 from from I'll be honest, I think that even today 0:20:12.200 --> 0:20:15.720 that same propaganda's push though I don't think that in 0:20:15.760 --> 0:20:18.159 schools they're teaching that, Like, no, they're not. But I 0:20:18.160 --> 0:20:23.399 think that I think our generation that you're cherry popping, 0:20:23.520 --> 0:20:25.840 cherry popping like it's something that we're all expecting. Yeah, 0:20:25.840 --> 0:20:28.199 and you have to understand, I never, like, I never bled, 0:20:28.240 --> 0:20:31.000 and I also used to think that whenever your cherry pops, 0:20:31.040 --> 0:20:34.400 you bleed. But there's hymens that don't bleed you could 0:20:34.480 --> 0:20:37.760 rip into. I don't know. 0:20:37.800 --> 0:20:40.399 I think the first time that I had actually was 0:20:40.400 --> 0:20:42.320 the first day of my period. So I bled like 0:20:42.440 --> 0:20:44.919 for three days after I lost my virginity. But I 0:20:44.920 --> 0:20:47.080 think it's because my period just came on and at 0:20:47.080 --> 0:20:49.920 that point I wasn't tracking when it came, like you 0:20:50.359 --> 0:20:52.760 didn't have like the same idea of being in tune 0:20:52.760 --> 0:20:55.840 with your body. So where I thought my cherry pops, 0:20:56.040 --> 0:20:59.600 I bled like a period didn't day. So I never 0:20:59.640 --> 0:21:00.639 really correlated that. 0:21:00.720 --> 0:21:03.000 Oh I remember. I remember the feeling. It felt like 0:21:03.000 --> 0:21:06.159 a pop. It was it could have been diction, I 0:21:06.200 --> 0:21:09.840 mean addiction, dictionary, definition. It was like everything about it 0:21:09.840 --> 0:21:11.919 and it was a stream that came out and then 0:21:11.920 --> 0:21:13.919 it was finished. It was crazy. Oh oh yeah, No 0:21:13.960 --> 0:21:18.600 that I didn't have that. I didn't have that experience. Okay, yeah, 0:21:18.640 --> 0:21:21.040 but my dad took me and you know, it's against 0:21:21.040 --> 0:21:24.400 the fucking law. Like wait, what's against the law. You're 0:21:24.400 --> 0:21:26.480 not you're not you're not supposed to be taking your 0:21:26.680 --> 0:21:30.000 daughter and like a lawyers asking whether or not her 0:21:30.040 --> 0:21:32.120 hymen is ripped, like you have to low ki, make 0:21:32.160 --> 0:21:36.520 a doctor tell you that you can't. That's a I 0:21:36.520 --> 0:21:38.720 don't know how t I did it, but I know 0:21:38.840 --> 0:21:42.360 in California where I was at the time, they had 0:21:42.359 --> 0:21:45.480 to tell the doctor like I remember the doctor distinctly 0:21:45.520 --> 0:21:48.119 telling them I'm not allowed to share this information with you, 0:21:48.160 --> 0:21:50.600 and they were like, you know the doctor was also Persian. 0:21:50.640 --> 0:21:52.840 They're like, come on, bro, like what's up. And she 0:21:52.960 --> 0:21:54.639 was like, yeah, her hymen's ripped. And I looked at 0:21:54.640 --> 0:21:58.359 the bitch, like, my hymen's ripped. I went home that 0:21:58.480 --> 0:22:01.560 day and and they just even though even though I 0:22:01.600 --> 0:22:03.840 had never had sex, dude, I didn't even believe I 0:22:03.880 --> 0:22:06.160 was eighteen. No, still to this day, my parents don't 0:22:06.160 --> 0:22:09.760 fucking believe me. And I went home. My daddy, your 0:22:09.760 --> 0:22:11.520 best friend, I know she was. She was getting getting 0:22:11.880 --> 0:22:15.840 down and I wasn't. My thongb so I contact booze 0:22:16.280 --> 0:22:19.640 Yo soil evidence. My best friend growing up was Persian. 0:22:19.960 --> 0:22:21.879 Is it can I say Persian? Yeah? Okay, because some 0:22:21.880 --> 0:22:25.520 people say running yeah so everybody. I don't know if 0:22:25.520 --> 0:22:28.879 it's because it's like they look Latina but they're but 0:22:28.880 --> 0:22:32.639 there's a more exotic look. Black men go crazy for 0:22:32.680 --> 0:22:35.280 Middle Eastern girls. Like in my high school, I remember 0:22:35.320 --> 0:22:37.040 maybe five girls and I was like, why are they 0:22:37.040 --> 0:22:40.160 always get fucked? And I'm not, but they all say 0:22:40.880 --> 0:22:43.240 we would go and sneak around to like city Walk. 0:22:43.280 --> 0:22:45.280 It was this place in universe. So we'd go meet 0:22:45.320 --> 0:22:47.640 the boys, go to the club, come home. Yeah, her 0:22:47.760 --> 0:22:49.879 mom came in there, slapped the ship out of her, 0:22:49.920 --> 0:22:51.440 and I was like, oh, am I in this too. 0:22:51.880 --> 0:22:57.040 And I remember her mom specifically talking about how she 0:22:57.160 --> 0:22:59.040 was supposed to be with someone else, and I think, 0:22:59.160 --> 0:23:01.600 even and I'm only thirty two, she had an arranged 0:23:01.600 --> 0:23:04.520 marriage like ready now she ended up not getting married, 0:23:04.520 --> 0:23:07.440 but I remember her telling me like, oh, like me 0:23:07.600 --> 0:23:09.399 going on and looking at boys is not what my 0:23:09.440 --> 0:23:13.280 family wants. They're yeah, you don't. You don't do that, 0:23:13.359 --> 0:23:17.240 like you go through the traditional route of suitors come 0:23:17.240 --> 0:23:20.080 to your house. Yeah, tell us about that. Yeah, I 0:23:20.119 --> 0:23:24.080 mean it were these suitors, like people in your freaking community, 0:23:25.440 --> 0:23:27.800 Like okay, on a billboard what they do? No, it's 0:23:27.880 --> 0:23:31.600 like think about you got you got your little aunts, 0:23:31.640 --> 0:23:33.840 you know, not your real aunts. And they have sons, 0:23:34.080 --> 0:23:35.760 you know, and you go to like someone's wedding or 0:23:35.760 --> 0:23:37.960 someone's party and they and they see you and they're like, oh, 0:23:38.040 --> 0:23:40.919 she's she's pretty, like she would be great for your son. Whatever, 0:23:41.359 --> 0:23:44.040 and the entire family with the boys shows up to 0:23:44.080 --> 0:23:46.840 your house with gifts and whatever, and asks for your 0:23:46.840 --> 0:23:50.080 hand in marriage, being like Bridgitton, how you met them 0:23:50.200 --> 0:23:53.239 before at this point? Yeah, I mean in that like 0:23:53.359 --> 0:23:56.720 in in Iran right now and like the small villages, no, 0:23:56.840 --> 0:24:00.280 it'll be your first time meeting them. But in more 0:24:00.280 --> 0:24:03.200 recent modern times, yeah, it's like sometimes it's it's your man, 0:24:03.320 --> 0:24:09.400 but the families don't know hold so like they literally 0:24:09.480 --> 0:24:13.280 come okay, how many like is it? I mean it 0:24:13.359 --> 0:24:16.159 depends on how like and how suitable you are, and 0:24:16.200 --> 0:24:18.560 it depends like again where you are. So if you're 0:24:18.600 --> 0:24:21.680 in Iran, you start getting them at like fifteen sixteen, 0:24:21.920 --> 0:24:23.680 suit of the fifteen and how old are the men 0:24:23.920 --> 0:24:27.080 are they also fifteen sixteen or they're like nineteen twenty. Oh, 0:24:27.160 --> 0:24:29.960 some girls get grown men. It depends on like your 0:24:30.080 --> 0:24:36.040 value and like your package. If you're a girl who 0:24:36.080 --> 0:24:40.560 comes from a more impoverished family, you're not highly educated. 0:24:40.680 --> 0:24:44.119 Whatever your family is trying to marry you off into 0:24:44.200 --> 0:24:48.480 a higher into locum, into loki, whatever family will take you, 0:24:48.520 --> 0:24:52.120 because the finances are they get shifted over there. Right 0:24:52.520 --> 0:24:56.719 So in like some very very traditional extremists, it's like 0:24:56.760 --> 0:24:59.080 the daughters are fifteen sixteen and they're getting wet off 0:24:59.080 --> 0:25:02.040 to like thirty thirty five five year old men. Now 0:25:02.080 --> 0:25:05.840 in more modern times like today, there's a lot of 0:25:06.440 --> 0:25:08.320 boys that I grew up with, you know, just by 0:25:08.400 --> 0:25:11.159 virtue of going to the mosque, going to like different occasions, 0:25:11.160 --> 0:25:14.280 and I'm seeing the guys, and my mom is meeting 0:25:14.760 --> 0:25:16.679 their mom their mom, and so now all of our 0:25:16.720 --> 0:25:20.240 families are friends. Now we want to marry within one another. 0:25:20.920 --> 0:25:24.840 And so the moms aren't stupid, Like if they see 0:25:24.880 --> 0:25:27.239 if she knows that her son likes me, and if 0:25:27.280 --> 0:25:29.639 it's obvious that I like her son, then they're like, 0:25:29.680 --> 0:25:31.800 why don't we go about it the right way? And 0:25:31.840 --> 0:25:33.399 they show up to your house and the hands for 0:25:33.560 --> 0:25:35.840 you for your hand in marriage, and this happens over 0:25:35.880 --> 0:25:39.120 and over again until you say yes. Damn, how many 0:25:39.160 --> 0:25:44.520 times have you been proposed to? Five? JAYZ? Five is 0:25:44.560 --> 0:25:48.920 a lot? And what makes you as how you can 0:25:48.960 --> 0:25:52.199 say no? Then clearly you can say no. Yeah, you 0:25:52.240 --> 0:25:53.920 could say no as many times. I mean I started 0:25:53.920 --> 0:25:57.760 getting suitors when I was like seventeen eighteen, just hearing 0:25:57.760 --> 0:26:02.800 the words suitors. I mean I honestly, when I was younger, 0:26:02.840 --> 0:26:04.520 I was like, this is whack. I want to go date, 0:26:04.680 --> 0:26:07.159 Like I if I could go back. I would do 0:26:07.200 --> 0:26:10.960 the suitors thing. It's a gettom out here is a 0:26:11.000 --> 0:26:13.520 fucking ghetto bro. At least you know, this man is 0:26:13.560 --> 0:26:17.119 shown up with intention right with his family. So what 0:26:17.119 --> 0:26:19.680 he's gonna disrespect you after he came and looked your 0:26:19.680 --> 0:26:21.600 mom and dad in the eye day one. No he's not. 0:26:21.760 --> 0:26:23.679 They do and you know they still do. They still do. 0:26:23.760 --> 0:26:25.600 They still do? They still do? They still do. But 0:26:25.680 --> 0:26:28.919 like the chances are low lower and at least the 0:26:28.960 --> 0:26:31.439 timeline that you're on, you're not sitting around. Is he 0:26:31.480 --> 0:26:33.760 going to propose? Is he not going to propose? I 0:26:33.960 --> 0:26:35.600 like it, And maybe this is just the way I 0:26:35.640 --> 0:26:38.119 was raised off the bat, I know you want to 0:26:38.160 --> 0:26:40.320 marry me, and then it's just a matter of whether 0:26:40.400 --> 0:26:41.800 or not I want to marry you. Back. Did any 0:26:41.880 --> 0:26:44.520 of those suitors already have wives? Because a lot of 0:26:44.960 --> 0:26:47.760 so when you're where your Persians don't do that. Don't 0:26:47.760 --> 0:26:50.320 do the multiple wives? Okay, So do I don't black 0:26:50.320 --> 0:26:53.760 I don't. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, it is mym 0:26:53.880 --> 0:26:56.159 I don't. And I don't want to generalize, generalize and 0:26:56.200 --> 0:26:58.840 say no Persians do that because there are a lot 0:26:58.880 --> 0:27:02.600 of there's like loop marriages, Okay, temporary marriages in Iran 0:27:02.640 --> 0:27:04.960 that a lot of guys do engage in with. But 0:27:05.600 --> 0:27:09.359 it's not traditional for Persians to have multiple wives. Okay, 0:27:09.440 --> 0:27:13.920 so it's more of like a broader Muslim concept. But 0:27:14.080 --> 0:27:16.800 I want to readily practice in Iran as growing up 0:27:16.920 --> 0:27:19.879 knowing like this is what you know my life should be, 0:27:19.960 --> 0:27:21.639 Like I should be meeting the married guy. I mean 0:27:21.720 --> 0:27:23.400 not meeting the married guy. Yeah, you know, meeting people 0:27:23.400 --> 0:27:26.560 want to marry, meeting someone just out in the open, 0:27:27.200 --> 0:27:29.199 which I'm assuming you met your partner life right, like 0:27:29.240 --> 0:27:32.600 in the real world. Yeah, what standards? Do you think 0:27:32.640 --> 0:27:35.480 that maybe even your upbringing made him feel more pressure. 0:27:36.480 --> 0:27:38.160 I mean from the moment I met him, I said, 0:27:38.200 --> 0:27:42.440 do you have six months? I was married before, right, 0:27:42.840 --> 0:27:44.840 So I got married when I was twenty years old. Okay, 0:27:45.720 --> 0:27:47.480 I went back to Iran. My parents were like, you 0:27:47.520 --> 0:27:50.200 need to marry a Persian Muslim guy. And keep in mind, 0:27:50.200 --> 0:27:54.359 my grandfather is from Ghana, so like we do, but 0:27:54.520 --> 0:27:57.840 it's Iran. They don't want to admit that. Like I 0:27:57.880 --> 0:28:00.399 watch all my aunts get their skin bleach, like the 0:28:00.440 --> 0:28:02.960 concept of even talking about us being black. Like from 0:28:03.040 --> 0:28:05.919 the time I was young, I would tell my mom like, hey, Mom, like, 0:28:06.000 --> 0:28:08.119 I don't look like the other Persian girls, Like it's 0:28:08.440 --> 0:28:10.280 you know what I mean? Like what's going on here? 0:28:10.480 --> 0:28:15.199 Because they, yeah, they don't, they don't. They don't like 0:28:15.280 --> 0:28:20.600 to you said, no, Ghana, they would. They don't like 0:28:20.640 --> 0:28:24.640 to really admit that they're black, right, And that's that's 0:28:24.680 --> 0:28:26.280 a whole other issue that they don't like to admit. 0:28:26.440 --> 0:28:28.520 But there's a lot of Afro Persians, like a lot, 0:28:28.600 --> 0:28:31.200 a lot, right, I've met a few, there's a lot. 0:28:31.640 --> 0:28:35.919 So anyway, I go to Iran and I'm like, I 0:28:35.920 --> 0:28:38.360 gotta just find something that's middle ground because my parents 0:28:38.440 --> 0:28:40.800 want me to be with a Persian Muslim guy. I don't, 0:28:41.720 --> 0:28:46.960 so let me find one with tattoos who's like kind 0:28:47.000 --> 0:28:48.680 of a hood dude. Like, I don't know, I gotta 0:28:48.720 --> 0:28:50.600 find something in the middle and I and I found 0:28:50.600 --> 0:28:53.520 a guy who was I was twenty, he was twenty five. 0:28:54.280 --> 0:28:57.880 He was tatted up, and like, you wanted something more American, 0:28:57.960 --> 0:28:59.840 did you feel? Like? Yeah, I wanted something a little 0:28:59.840 --> 0:29:02.360 bit more western and modern and modern. I wanted to 0:29:02.400 --> 0:29:05.520 get away from my parents and making me wear a hijob. 0:29:05.640 --> 0:29:08.280 That's like the only thing that I was focused on okay, 0:29:08.680 --> 0:29:12.320 And in a lot of these households, it's like transfer 0:29:12.360 --> 0:29:15.320 of ownership from like your dad to your man. And 0:29:15.360 --> 0:29:17.560 I was like, I'd rather go to you know, a 0:29:17.640 --> 0:29:21.080 new owner that that's gonna be. That's gonna let me 0:29:21.120 --> 0:29:23.240 do more shit right now. I could drink, now, I 0:29:23.240 --> 0:29:25.680 could party, now, I could not wear hit job whatever. 0:29:27.000 --> 0:29:30.640 So when I when I met my current partner, I 0:29:30.760 --> 0:29:33.160 was just like, I don't really believe in the dating shit, 0:29:33.400 --> 0:29:35.720 Like I really don't. If I were to do it again, 0:29:35.840 --> 0:29:38.080 I would run the same play. I don't believe in dating. 0:29:38.120 --> 0:29:40.520 I think it's so fucking stupid. I think it's time consuming. 0:29:40.560 --> 0:29:43.880 I think it always benefits men more than women because 0:29:43.920 --> 0:29:46.080 I think we live in a society. I mean, I 0:29:46.120 --> 0:29:48.880 think if you ask the fucking right questions, what the 0:29:48.880 --> 0:29:51.880 fuck are we if we're grown, if we're over thirty, 0:29:52.000 --> 0:29:54.760 what are we talking about? Bro? What are we talking about? So? 0:29:54.840 --> 0:29:58.200 What does the conversation look like? Talk about it? Okay, 0:29:58.560 --> 0:30:01.600 what are your views? Let me pull out my notes. 0:30:02.840 --> 0:30:04.880 I'm currently dating, so let me write this down. What 0:30:05.000 --> 0:30:09.000 are your views? Their views on religion? That's a big one. 0:30:09.120 --> 0:30:10.520 I mean, if you go to any if you go 0:30:10.560 --> 0:30:13.440 to any therapist. If you go to any therapist, they 0:30:13.440 --> 0:30:15.680 say there's five reasons why people separate. So it's like, 0:30:15.760 --> 0:30:18.040 just take those five reasons and work backwards. What are 0:30:18.040 --> 0:30:21.200 your views on fucking religion? What are your views on parents? 0:30:21.200 --> 0:30:23.560 And how involved your parents need to be in our lives? 0:30:23.760 --> 0:30:26.400 And what fucking mommy daddy issues do you have? And 0:30:26.440 --> 0:30:28.600 if you don't know what mommy daddy issues you have, 0:30:28.720 --> 0:30:30.800 why don't you and go figure the fuck out? Because 0:30:30.880 --> 0:30:33.520 I'm not trying to deal with your EDIU complex you 0:30:33.560 --> 0:30:36.800 over here either wanting to fuck your mom secretly internally 0:30:36.880 --> 0:30:39.280 and or hate your mom and take it out on women, 0:30:39.360 --> 0:30:41.880 like I'm not trying to deal with that. Talk about finances, 0:30:42.040 --> 0:30:44.200 what role do you think I play in finances? What 0:30:44.320 --> 0:30:47.720 role do you play in finances? Should we have a budget? Like? 0:30:47.880 --> 0:30:50.160 Is this an allowance situation? You know? Talk about that, 0:30:51.200 --> 0:30:55.280 talk about having children, timeline of children, how do you 0:30:55.280 --> 0:30:59.240 want to raise children? Raise your child? You have that 0:31:00.040 --> 0:31:03.240 ask you hold, Well, if you've been dating someone for 0:31:03.320 --> 0:31:07.560 how many years you're gonna talking to the mic? Come on, 0:31:07.760 --> 0:31:13.160 act like you'd be on a podcast? How long for 0:31:13.240 --> 0:31:15.480 those questions that she just said? How long did it 0:31:15.520 --> 0:31:21.040 take for you to know all those answers. What's pretty simple. 0:31:22.120 --> 0:31:24.920 So like I initially I knew that everything. 0:31:26.280 --> 0:31:28.600 Needed to focus on that was there, and then I 0:31:28.680 --> 0:31:30.640 just needed a little bit more time, maybe like maybe 0:31:30.680 --> 0:31:31.560 like six months, and it. 0:31:31.600 --> 0:31:34.080 Was like, okay, you know why I wanted to ask that. 0:31:35.000 --> 0:31:37.200 I was really curious as to people that have been 0:31:37.200 --> 0:31:39.640 together for longer and three years to me as long 0:31:40.040 --> 0:31:42.880 if they knew that early. I think you find out 0:31:42.960 --> 0:31:45.760 really early. I think the reason why people then delay 0:31:45.800 --> 0:31:48.560 it is because committing to someone for the rest of 0:31:48.600 --> 0:31:50.680 your life is a long fucking time and it's a 0:31:50.720 --> 0:31:52.840 hard thing to do. So if I'm a man and 0:31:52.880 --> 0:31:55.600 I could just I could push that commitment off for 0:31:55.640 --> 0:31:58.360 a little bit and still have the option to walk away, 0:31:58.520 --> 0:32:00.400 why the fuck would I not take up that option? 0:32:01.160 --> 0:32:03.520 Why would I? If you know that you are if 0:32:03.520 --> 0:32:06.120 you if you sign a contract right, you could sign 0:32:06.120 --> 0:32:08.200 it today or you could sign it in two years 0:32:08.200 --> 0:32:10.120 where you gonna keep getting the benefits of the contract. 0:32:10.120 --> 0:32:13.280 Why would you sign it today now by yourself? That 0:32:13.840 --> 0:32:17.880 we've heard Tom and Tommigan from men and women, yeah 0:32:18.000 --> 0:32:20.160 that are trying to advise people in dating or marriage 0:32:20.200 --> 0:32:25.960 that conversations like these scare people off. Yeah, commitment folks, now, 0:32:26.280 --> 0:32:29.000 but I mean that's on a first date. I mean yeah. 0:32:29.040 --> 0:32:30.960 I mean don't go in there and be like, whoa, 0:32:31.200 --> 0:32:32.520 what's up? You know what I mean? Like what are 0:32:32.560 --> 0:32:34.720 your views on marriage? What are your views on joke? Like, 0:32:34.720 --> 0:32:37.640 like you gotta be you gotta have some finesse to it, 0:32:37.840 --> 0:32:39.880 you know, like eat the fucking food. 0:32:40.120 --> 0:32:44.560 You know, what's your favorite the fucking drink? 0:32:44.680 --> 0:32:47.640 Like what's your favorite football team? Like? And that you 0:32:47.640 --> 0:32:49.720 you got to just know a way to navigate and 0:32:49.880 --> 0:32:53.160 weave questions in because also you don't want to let 0:32:53.200 --> 0:32:55.960 people know that you're about to ask this intense question 0:32:56.000 --> 0:32:58.160 and they give you a miss America answer. You want 0:32:58.160 --> 0:33:01.080 their true, authentic respond When do you know you're no 0:33:01.120 --> 0:33:04.080 longer getting the representative because men are gonna show up 0:33:04.520 --> 0:33:06.720 and sure to give you the answers they know that 0:33:06.760 --> 0:33:08.520 you want to hear, but that may not even be 0:33:08.600 --> 0:33:10.920 who they are. How do you lean? I mean, that's 0:33:11.560 --> 0:33:13.479 the truth of the matter is you could do everything 0:33:13.560 --> 0:33:16.720 right and still and it's still in those bulls right, 0:33:16.920 --> 0:33:19.280 and you could do everything wrong and it's a lie. 0:33:19.360 --> 0:33:21.040 It Okay, we might get an accident because the other 0:33:21.080 --> 0:33:23.160 person sucks up. We I think at the end of 0:33:23.200 --> 0:33:27.840 the day, as a woman, you can only do so much, okay, 0:33:28.000 --> 0:33:31.400 and you can't blame yourself if shit goes left, Like 0:33:31.480 --> 0:33:33.200 you have to you have to just be true to 0:33:33.200 --> 0:33:35.760 yourself and and do the things that you know you're 0:33:35.800 --> 0:33:38.080 supposed to do. And then if it doesn't work out, dude, 0:33:38.760 --> 0:33:42.040 fuck it, fuck it, who cares? Fuck it? It didn't 0:33:42.040 --> 0:33:46.000 work out? Next there is always a net now or 0:33:46.200 --> 0:33:48.080 or or like figure it out there. But like, you 0:33:48.120 --> 0:33:50.800 can't sit around blame yourself, like, oh, I was so stupid. 0:33:50.840 --> 0:33:52.520 I was so stupid. I was so stupid. Like I've 0:33:52.520 --> 0:33:54.640 had so many relationships where I've sat there for so 0:33:54.800 --> 0:33:56.840 long and blame myself, like I was so stupid. I 0:33:56.920 --> 0:33:59.440 embarrassed myself. I did this and this, and I look 0:33:59.440 --> 0:34:02.920 back and I'm like and what and what? Like I 0:34:03.040 --> 0:34:05.719 figured it out or I didn't, but and what right 0:34:05.800 --> 0:34:08.360 I'm gonna sit here and blame myself for a man's actions. 0:34:08.480 --> 0:34:10.359 M Why would I fucking do that. 0:34:10.560 --> 0:34:13.279 I'm gonna sit here and I meant myself forget to 0:34:13.320 --> 0:34:15.680 blame game myself for staying in. 0:34:15.719 --> 0:34:18.239 Something that I knew wasn't healthy. That's too long it 0:34:18.239 --> 0:34:21.400 goes that. But yeah, like take responsibility when you go 0:34:21.480 --> 0:34:25.960 from victim to volunteer, take responsibility for that. But also 0:34:26.120 --> 0:34:29.880 like sitting around berating yourself, other people gonna do that 0:34:29.920 --> 0:34:31.480 for you. You don't you know, you don't do it 0:34:31.520 --> 0:34:35.359 for you. And and just people can't wait to remind you. 0:34:35.680 --> 0:34:38.359 People can't wait to see someone who's doing wealth fall 0:34:38.520 --> 0:34:42.399 because it makes them feel finally like they are they 0:34:42.400 --> 0:34:44.319 are close in power to you. Oh girl, I know, 0:34:44.520 --> 0:34:45.240 I know the people. 0:34:45.440 --> 0:34:47.920 It was happy when I started going through my turmoil 0:34:47.960 --> 0:34:50.799 because I was in in bliss the whole first year. 0:34:50.840 --> 0:34:52.800 They're like, no way, this man is this person and 0:34:52.840 --> 0:34:55.440 people don't like that. And then I don't think that 0:34:55.560 --> 0:34:59.319 people want to see you you you and pain. I 0:34:59.360 --> 0:35:04.160 think I think people probably felt like maybe you were 0:35:04.160 --> 0:35:05.799 out of touch for a moment because you were so 0:35:05.920 --> 0:35:06.279 in love. 0:35:06.719 --> 0:35:11.240 But also but also he showed up. I'm the person 0:35:11.280 --> 0:35:14.640 though where where I see friends and I know people 0:35:14.719 --> 0:35:18.200 who are dating somebody five months in, they're like, we 0:35:18.280 --> 0:35:22.279 need therapy together what so to me, there's also this 0:35:22.400 --> 0:35:25.480 false sense that you can actually be in a honeymoon 0:35:25.480 --> 0:35:27.759 phase for longer than three months or six months, and 0:35:27.800 --> 0:35:30.719 the fact that of course my honeymoon phase was a 0:35:30.840 --> 0:35:33.680 year long. But also it might have been out of 0:35:33.680 --> 0:35:36.480 touch because I met him in a pandemic. Nothing was 0:35:36.520 --> 0:35:39.480 normal during the pandemic, so where literally we didn't have 0:35:39.520 --> 0:35:42.279 all of the outside things, My schedule wasn't busy, all 0:35:42.320 --> 0:35:44.719 of the things that it was just initially affected the 0:35:44.800 --> 0:35:46.640 relationship happened when the world opened back. 0:35:46.680 --> 0:35:50.520 Also, I think as a podcaster, it's like people will 0:35:50.560 --> 0:35:52.520 hold you accountable to the thing you said last week. 0:35:52.880 --> 0:35:54.799 So for you to turn into someone who's like, oh 0:35:54.800 --> 0:35:57.760 my god, my boyfriend's perfect, that's what true. He was perfect, 0:35:57.840 --> 0:35:59.359 That's what I mean. But I look like it has 0:35:59.400 --> 0:36:00.759 to do with people to see him paint. I'm just 0:36:00.760 --> 0:36:01.600 trying to oh no, no, no no. 0:36:01.800 --> 0:36:04.600 But also, if we're coming in here recording a month 0:36:04.640 --> 0:36:05.760 where the content. 0:36:05.440 --> 0:36:09.239 In two days, yes, the way even we do it 0:36:09.320 --> 0:36:09.799 is but. 0:36:09.920 --> 0:36:13.920 Like y'all, y'all were getting my moods in two days 0:36:13.960 --> 0:36:16.520 spread out for a month, and you know what I mean, Wolf, 0:36:16.560 --> 0:36:18.560 So even if maybe we had a little bump in 0:36:18.560 --> 0:36:20.320 the road, by the time we come back into the 0:36:20.360 --> 0:36:23.000 studio and then they've resolved it, I've resolved it and 0:36:23.040 --> 0:36:26.520 I'm back in bliss or if y'all heard me fucking crying. 0:36:26.560 --> 0:36:28.680 There's weeks where I've cried, and it looks like I'm 0:36:28.680 --> 0:36:29.719 crying for a whole month. 0:36:29.840 --> 0:36:31.680 Bitch. We came in here two days. 0:36:31.480 --> 0:36:34.319 And recorded a month worth of content, and my emotions 0:36:34.760 --> 0:36:36.960 within a certain timeframe are going to be very similar. 0:36:36.960 --> 0:36:39.359 But this is what I'm saying. You're allowed to be wrong. Oh, 0:36:39.680 --> 0:36:41.759 You're allowed to be wrong at a man. You're allowed 0:36:41.800 --> 0:36:43.560 to be wrong about a situation. You're You're allowed to 0:36:43.560 --> 0:36:45.560 be fucking wrong because you're a human and you can 0:36:45.640 --> 0:36:48.239 only go off of what's being shown to you, right, Like, 0:36:48.960 --> 0:36:50.920 what what were you supposed to do? Come in and 0:36:50.960 --> 0:36:53.840 be like, I'm happy, but I'm skeptic, Like that's not 0:36:53.880 --> 0:36:57.080 feel weird talking about that. I'm talking about previous dating views, 0:36:57.520 --> 0:36:59.600 and that's what I mean about when you meet someone 0:36:59.680 --> 0:37:02.880 that changes your view. You were not the girl you 0:37:02.920 --> 0:37:05.360 were in a relationship. I'm not going to let you 0:37:05.400 --> 0:37:09.040 skate by that bro you turned. I also taught our 0:37:09.120 --> 0:37:11.480 relationship girlfriendy I'm cooking, but. 0:37:11.160 --> 0:37:14.799 Also again the day to day, but it's not the 0:37:14.800 --> 0:37:15.640 man that changed me. 0:37:15.719 --> 0:37:17.680 And that's the thing. I've been in therapy now for 0:37:17.719 --> 0:37:20.520 two years. Let's be very clear how I view myself. 0:37:20.680 --> 0:37:24.400 I got my degree, I got two degrees, and I 0:37:24.440 --> 0:37:27.040 talked about I felt worthless in my twenties. 0:37:27.239 --> 0:37:30.520 I didn't cook, I led with sex, I wasn't confident 0:37:30.560 --> 0:37:34.840 because of my body. The way I valued myself is 0:37:34.880 --> 0:37:37.560 completely different than now. It's completely different than when I 0:37:37.600 --> 0:37:39.239 was in my relationship. Do you think that he was 0:37:39.280 --> 0:37:41.160 then the catalyst to showing you. 0:37:40.880 --> 0:37:41.840 You to me? 0:37:42.239 --> 0:37:45.719 To me, it was seeing value and now being so 0:37:45.920 --> 0:37:48.839 comfortable in my body, to being able to afford and 0:37:48.840 --> 0:37:52.440 not go into a relationship Transactionally, I finally felt value 0:37:52.440 --> 0:37:54.879 in being able to like a man because I liked him, 0:37:54.920 --> 0:37:58.480 not because of what he could provide. Again, through therapy, 0:37:58.600 --> 0:38:01.799 I worked on setting boundaries. I worked on communication. You said, 0:38:01.840 --> 0:38:04.880 my communication has gotten better. I have genuinely through the 0:38:04.920 --> 0:38:09.200 pandemic after graduating, leaving my career, and focusing on building 0:38:09.360 --> 0:38:12.680 myself professionally and personally, I genuinely feel like a better 0:38:12.680 --> 0:38:14.959 person and so to me even though he was able 0:38:15.000 --> 0:38:17.480 to receive that. That's where I've also been in this 0:38:17.520 --> 0:38:20.160 weird place with casual sex and just letting any guy 0:38:20.200 --> 0:38:22.200 come into my life because I'm like, oh wait, I'm 0:38:22.200 --> 0:38:23.640 actually a good motherfucking catch. 0:38:23.719 --> 0:38:26.600 I just had not heard you speak that way until him. 0:38:26.680 --> 0:38:29.400 But again, that's why I said that. But that's not 0:38:29.440 --> 0:38:31.560 that I didn't know you. But that's where I get 0:38:31.560 --> 0:38:34.560 a degree a well. But that's where I want to 0:38:34.600 --> 0:38:36.680 be very clear. That man did not make me a 0:38:36.680 --> 0:38:39.560 better person. I would't say you're a good person because well, 0:38:39.600 --> 0:38:43.240 and I'm not. I'm just saying all of these reasons again. 0:38:43.320 --> 0:38:45.760 My degree therapy over the last two and a half years, 0:38:46.000 --> 0:38:49.080 me working on myself is now why I feel like 0:38:49.120 --> 0:38:51.279 I showed up as a better partner for him. So 0:38:51.360 --> 0:38:54.160 when I sit here and literally cry and be like, damn, 0:38:54.920 --> 0:38:56.680 how the fuck did I still get fucked over when 0:38:56.719 --> 0:38:58.680 I was showing up as the best version of myself? 0:38:58.880 --> 0:39:00.279 That's why I'm beating myself too. 0:39:00.600 --> 0:39:00.880 Damn. 0:39:00.960 --> 0:39:03.040 Even me showing up as the best version of myself 0:39:03.080 --> 0:39:04.800 didn't give me the result of a menagure. 0:39:04.920 --> 0:39:06.920 But I wanted you know what I mean. 0:39:07.120 --> 0:39:08.719 You know, the way I showed up to him had 0:39:08.760 --> 0:39:11.000 a lot to do with myself work. And I think 0:39:11.040 --> 0:39:15.120 that a lot of women ship shipped in shape who 0:39:15.120 --> 0:39:18.479 they are in relationships without doing the self work, which 0:39:18.520 --> 0:39:20.480 is why now I'm having a hard time fucking dating 0:39:20.600 --> 0:39:25.319 because oh, you don't want to work. 0:39:23.200 --> 0:39:28.400 You're telling you there's too sometimes therapy. I said this 0:39:28.440 --> 0:39:32.360 a few weeks ago. Oh yeah, I agree, like healing, 0:39:32.760 --> 0:39:34.720 you got to cut it off at a certain points 0:39:34.760 --> 0:39:37.640 because now you not you're too healed. And every time 0:39:37.680 --> 0:39:40.279 somebody says something, you're like, well that doesn't work for me, 0:39:40.400 --> 0:39:45.160 and you're rejecting. I could see from what your talk 0:39:45.239 --> 0:39:47.200 too much. I'm like, you know when you can talk 0:39:47.239 --> 0:39:48.960 to someone and you're like, you must have just got 0:39:48.960 --> 0:39:51.680 out of the session again, oh yeah, or people who 0:39:51.800 --> 0:39:54.680 just got out of like a retreat. Like it's like like, 0:39:54.760 --> 0:39:57.440 as a man that's on the tail end of his therapy, 0:39:57.600 --> 0:39:59.960 I feel that, please don't get me. Well, I also 0:40:00.120 --> 0:40:04.040 say this like I and it's become this hype, right, Oh, 0:40:04.080 --> 0:40:05.719 we want a man in therapy, won't we want a 0:40:05.760 --> 0:40:08.160 man in therapy. We got to be really careful because 0:40:08.160 --> 0:40:10.279 there's some trash ass therapists out there and what they have. 0:40:10.880 --> 0:40:14.000 They got these narcissistic men going to therapy and they're 0:40:14.080 --> 0:40:17.200 lying to these therapists about because the therapy is about 0:40:17.200 --> 0:40:20.680 your version of the ourself in for a second, for 0:40:20.719 --> 0:40:23.480 the men listening. Yes, I've been meeting a lot of 0:40:23.560 --> 0:40:27.120 narcissistic women, and I'm almost exhausted with the narcissistic men bullshit. 0:40:29.880 --> 0:40:32.560 There are psychotic women out there. I'm just not dating them, 0:40:32.560 --> 0:40:37.719 so I don't know them. No, I'm in reality. I 0:40:37.760 --> 0:40:41.560 think we're overdosed with narcissistic male content, yes, and not 0:40:41.680 --> 0:40:44.719 enough narcissistic women. But the point is these people are 0:40:44.760 --> 0:40:48.480 our friends, our sisters, our moms and coworkers. Yeah, and 0:40:48.520 --> 0:40:51.080 then we sit there listening to this fucking bullshit from 0:40:51.080 --> 0:40:52.920 them and don't even realize. I agree, we should be 0:40:53.040 --> 0:40:56.200 learning the same skills when we're watching that video clip 0:40:56.440 --> 0:40:59.080 of someone being a narcissistic man and how to deal 0:40:59.120 --> 0:41:01.120 with them or whatever. I don't think we're seeing it 0:41:01.160 --> 0:41:03.480 the other way. And I think the issue now is 0:41:03.520 --> 0:41:06.879 women are almost feeling so empowered by seeing this one 0:41:06.920 --> 0:41:10.000 piece of content, but now they're fucking putting that shit 0:41:10.040 --> 0:41:12.400 out into the world. And some of it comes from 0:41:12.680 --> 0:41:16.680 the I'm holding myself at this tier of person. A 0:41:16.719 --> 0:41:19.360 lot of that narcissistic shit that men have is feeling 0:41:19.360 --> 0:41:21.760 like their self worth is inflated, and I've been seeing 0:41:21.760 --> 0:41:22.799 women do it way done. 0:41:22.960 --> 0:41:27.440 Women are doing the same thing. One maybe four. Now 0:41:27.560 --> 0:41:30.200 I'm gonna just say three, so y'all can't three. Three 0:41:30.280 --> 0:41:34.720 of my homegirls recently had their phones gone through niggas 0:41:34.760 --> 0:41:37.160 is out here going through phones, laptops, Apple watches. 0:41:37.840 --> 0:41:39.680 All of these holes was cheating and. 0:41:39.800 --> 0:41:42.359 All of them went to the men, who literally are 0:41:42.480 --> 0:41:45.560 upset that you invY my prophecies, you know. All of 0:41:45.560 --> 0:41:48.839 their response was well, I trusted you, and you sat 0:41:48.840 --> 0:41:51.000 here and went through my things. All of the women 0:41:51.040 --> 0:41:53.600 answered the same way and gas lit the men who 0:41:53.600 --> 0:41:56.920 are sitting here seeing them entertain other men, on dating apps, 0:41:56.920 --> 0:42:00.560 on seeking arrangement, fucking other people, also talking shit about 0:42:00.560 --> 0:42:01.040 them to the. 0:42:01.080 --> 0:42:02.840 Oh, this is the one I want to talk about 0:42:03.320 --> 0:42:05.239 BDD and I that's what they said. Who's a dude 0:42:06.280 --> 0:42:08.439 off for years? Right? He said, I need to ask 0:42:08.480 --> 0:42:11.359 you this question because I feel like you're gonna give 0:42:11.360 --> 0:42:13.880 me the most honest answer. Why the fuck two women 0:42:14.480 --> 0:42:18.040 talk shit about men that they're actually into. Why do 0:42:18.040 --> 0:42:21.520 you go in the group chat and you fucking downplace? Oh? Yeah, yeah, no, No, 0:42:21.600 --> 0:42:24.239 I think I think I think we have to be 0:42:24.320 --> 0:42:26.359 so careful because if I'm coming to you every day 0:42:26.360 --> 0:42:28.080 and being like my man is in shit, My man 0:42:28.120 --> 0:42:29.879 is in shit, My man is a ship. And then 0:42:29.880 --> 0:42:32.279 I'm like, oh, why don't you respect my man? Why 0:42:32.320 --> 0:42:35.200 don't you respect my relationship? Well, all I do is 0:42:35.239 --> 0:42:38.080 talk about you don't respect him? Yes, And also like 0:42:38.200 --> 0:42:40.600 I know, I go home and I have sex and 0:42:40.640 --> 0:42:43.640 the oxytocin reminds me how great he is. But you 0:42:43.640 --> 0:42:46.239 don't have that experience. So I'm just ruining your view 0:42:46.320 --> 0:42:49.080 of someone over and over and over again. I also think, 0:42:49.120 --> 0:42:52.640 if someone is that horrible where you're talking about the 0:42:53.920 --> 0:42:57.000 bro when I tell you I ate for three years. 0:42:57.440 --> 0:42:59.399 Every time I would get in a little fun, little shit, 0:42:59.440 --> 0:43:01.520 I would tell But for the most part I was like, 0:43:01.640 --> 0:43:04.040 I am not about to walk in parade around. We 0:43:04.040 --> 0:43:06.640 were living in Mexico together, bitch, I was enjoying my life, 0:43:06.800 --> 0:43:10.520 was he not shiit? No, But I'm gonna tell y'all 0:43:10.520 --> 0:43:12.640 that we're having a ball. You don't want a beach. 0:43:12.800 --> 0:43:18.400 And the older the older you get, the more you 0:43:18.480 --> 0:43:21.440 realize how many women are actually with anight shit dudes, 0:43:21.480 --> 0:43:22.839 but you don't know about it. 0:43:22.920 --> 0:43:25.320 Well, not only well, not only that, Let's be very clear, 0:43:25.800 --> 0:43:28.960 a lot of women aren't admitting to themselves how ancient 0:43:29.120 --> 0:43:31.839 they are in their relationships as precisely. So literally, if 0:43:31.840 --> 0:43:35.359 you're sitting here telling me all these things, yet bitch. 0:43:35.280 --> 0:43:36.920 I know you, I know you cheating on him, I 0:43:36.960 --> 0:43:38.480 know you talking to another nick. Yeah. 0:43:38.600 --> 0:43:41.640 So also, why are you holding this idea of this 0:43:41.760 --> 0:43:44.520 faithful man when you're not faithful. So there's a lot 0:43:44.560 --> 0:43:46.480 of ways in which women are feeling to show up 0:43:46.520 --> 0:43:48.680 in the relationships the way that they want their partners. 0:43:48.760 --> 0:43:51.200 I think women aren't faithful because they want to keep 0:43:51.200 --> 0:43:54.880 the roster bro most women I know today. It makes 0:43:54.880 --> 0:43:59.080 sense a little bit because like our entire view of 0:43:59.160 --> 0:44:04.520 relationships is like fully centered on infidelity when there's so 0:44:04.560 --> 0:44:07.319 many other ways you could betray a person boom, right, 0:44:07.360 --> 0:44:09.759 but tell us tell it like our society And I 0:44:09.840 --> 0:44:12.480 get why, but our society is so focused on like 0:44:12.920 --> 0:44:17.000 infidelity being like the big headline thing. But there are 0:44:17.040 --> 0:44:20.120 so many ways you could like neglect a person, you 0:44:20.120 --> 0:44:23.040 could over a person, you could emotionally starve a person 0:44:23.200 --> 0:44:25.960 like you could, you could make someone feel worthless, you 0:44:26.000 --> 0:44:29.200 could belittle them. There's so many ways that are that 0:44:29.200 --> 0:44:32.680 that women do engage in with men, right, that are 0:44:32.719 --> 0:44:35.040 never headlines. And then the man cheats, which is not 0:44:35.080 --> 0:44:39.279 a fucking excuse. There's noever fucking excuse. But then there's 0:44:39.320 --> 0:44:42.040 no conversation where a woman can come and say I 0:44:42.080 --> 0:44:44.680 did X, Y, and Z wrong in the relationship. That 0:44:44.719 --> 0:44:47.120 does not excuse and it does not justify why he 0:44:47.200 --> 0:44:49.200 cheated on me. That is a separate issue. But let 0:44:49.280 --> 0:44:51.920 me admit to the things and my fault in a relationship. 0:44:52.480 --> 0:44:55.160 You know that often it's like, once you get cheated on, 0:44:55.520 --> 0:44:58.160 you get to carry the woman, you get to hide behind. 0:44:58.200 --> 0:45:01.280 I got cheated on, Well, well, what were you doing wrong? 0:45:01.880 --> 0:45:04.120 Not dude, justify him cheating, but what were you doing wrong? 0:45:04.120 --> 0:45:06.840 Because there's a dynamic at play and your dynamic is 0:45:06.880 --> 0:45:10.160 fucked up? What are you doing wrong in your dynamic? 0:45:10.480 --> 0:45:12.600 Not because you care about him, but because you need 0:45:12.640 --> 0:45:14.319 to figure out what you're doing wrong here so that 0:45:14.360 --> 0:45:15.759 when you go to the next person. I think, I know, 0:45:16.120 --> 0:45:19.880 fix it? What is yours? I think that when I 0:45:19.960 --> 0:45:25.160 was getting cheated on, I was in the first time. 0:45:25.160 --> 0:45:27.080 I don't think I did anything wrong. Okay, I think 0:45:27.160 --> 0:45:30.560 my response to the cheating allowed for the continual cheating 0:45:30.920 --> 0:45:34.359 in what way because I wasn't as serious, I didn't 0:45:34.360 --> 0:45:37.080 stick by what I said in the first time about 0:45:37.200 --> 0:45:41.080 leaving him, about setting boundaries, like I remember getting right 0:45:41.120 --> 0:45:42.760 back with him because I thought it was just sex. 0:45:43.160 --> 0:45:46.160 Even though that may have been true, I never upheld 0:45:46.160 --> 0:45:49.080 myself to the standard of whatever. I can't remember what 0:45:49.160 --> 0:45:51.200 I set forth, But like he knew there was no 0:45:51.239 --> 0:45:54.440 consequence to it. He knew he wasn't losing me. And 0:45:54.480 --> 0:45:58.560 then the more he cheated, the more I was okay 0:45:58.600 --> 0:46:02.360 with it, but either cheating because of it. So I 0:46:02.480 --> 0:46:04.960 was so frustrated with the cheating, but then I would 0:46:04.960 --> 0:46:07.480 act a certain way, so I wasn't doing the girlfriend 0:46:07.480 --> 0:46:08.799 ship that I set out to do when I took 0:46:08.840 --> 0:46:10.640 him back as my boyfriend because I was so mad 0:46:10.680 --> 0:46:12.960 about the cheating when reality, I should have just left him. 0:46:13.280 --> 0:46:16.160 Like I think, I wasn't sticking to the plan that 0:46:16.200 --> 0:46:18.319 I had for myself. And I think because he knew 0:46:18.360 --> 0:46:21.080 that I wasn't doing that, it allowed him to keep cheating. 0:46:21.520 --> 0:46:24.760 If I'm telling you I have a plan for my business, 0:46:25.120 --> 0:46:27.400 I'm gonna be in three cities next year, and I 0:46:27.400 --> 0:46:30.000 don't do it, and I keep screaming about it, You're 0:46:30.000 --> 0:46:32.440 gonna be like, Okay, this bit chain about shit. Yeah, 0:46:32.840 --> 0:46:34.520 I stick to what the fuck I say when it 0:46:34.520 --> 0:46:36.479 comes to my money, and I always do. I don't 0:46:36.560 --> 0:46:39.319 take l's from it. But with my relationship, I kept 0:46:39.320 --> 0:46:41.000 taking l's on what I said I would stand for it. 0:46:41.239 --> 0:46:44.279 And I think he saw that everything else in my 0:46:44.400 --> 0:46:48.160 life I was very very good at doing. He knew it. 0:46:48.239 --> 0:46:50.480 I would get up, it didn't matter what it was. 0:46:50.520 --> 0:46:52.440 If I was hungover, drunk, I'm still gonna make it. 0:46:52.480 --> 0:46:54.719 I never miss a flight. I'm always on point with shit. 0:46:54.840 --> 0:46:56.960 But for the relationship, it was always like this. 0:46:56.960 --> 0:46:59.439 Yeah, that's what I was saying in the beginning, though 0:46:59.600 --> 0:47:01.880 your heart's I know how I show up, and like 0:47:01.960 --> 0:47:04.759 for most people generally speaking, now, how you show up 0:47:04.760 --> 0:47:09.360 professionally and in friendships just innately, unfortunately is different than romantic. 0:47:09.440 --> 0:47:13.200 Of course it just is, and so somewhere, no, it does. 0:47:13.239 --> 0:47:17.000 But that's where, unfortunately, because there's whatever the oxytocin that 0:47:17.040 --> 0:47:19.880 we get when we fucking these big dick good dick nicholas, 0:47:20.360 --> 0:47:24.439 we be so dumb in not being able to show 0:47:24.520 --> 0:47:26.239 up as ourselves and how we know how to show 0:47:26.320 --> 0:47:29.360 up in business or with friendships. For whatever reason, a 0:47:29.400 --> 0:47:32.400 lot of those boundaries are not kept the way we communicate, 0:47:32.400 --> 0:47:35.560 the way we really put those hardcore things down they 0:47:35.920 --> 0:47:38.560 they're a little bit more blurry in romantic relationships. 0:47:38.600 --> 0:47:40.440 I mean, it's not gonna be the same as the platonics. 0:47:40.480 --> 0:47:43.120 Like if my girlfriend doesn't respond in two days when 0:47:43.160 --> 0:47:44.880 she hits me, I am, I'm not gonna be like, 0:47:45.200 --> 0:47:47.560 where have you been? You don't care about my emotions, 0:47:47.840 --> 0:47:49.719 you don't care about my well being. I'm like, what's 0:47:49.760 --> 0:47:52.160 that big man? But if that man doesn't talk to 0:47:52.160 --> 0:47:54.680 me two days, like you don't care about my well being, 0:47:54.840 --> 0:47:57.840 you hate me? You are you know what I'm saying, Like, 0:47:57.920 --> 0:48:00.960 I also think we but we said ourselves for failure 0:48:01.000 --> 0:48:04.360 when we compare anything to romantic relationships, the expectations of 0:48:04.440 --> 0:48:09.319 romantic relationships that are have the conversation last night donating 0:48:09.719 --> 0:48:14.320 was fasting and so fasting from what right? Food, alcohol, 0:48:14.360 --> 0:48:17.280 everything right for like twenty four hours. So we were talking, 0:48:17.600 --> 0:48:20.000 maybe like around three pm that day I went to 0:48:20.040 --> 0:48:22.880 like a food convention thing so he couldn't come fasting, 0:48:23.840 --> 0:48:26.040 And then like three pm I said something. This one's 0:48:26.040 --> 0:48:28.439 fucking responded to me until the next day. I said, what, 0:48:28.560 --> 0:48:31.799 bitch were you fasting with? Like are you out of 0:48:31.840 --> 0:48:34.680 your mind? That's what you said? Yes, And He's like, 0:48:34.880 --> 0:48:38.200 how is it possible that your brain went to another 0:48:38.280 --> 0:48:40.000 woman just because I didn't talk to you? By the way, 0:48:40.000 --> 0:48:41.600 I don't like. Wolf was over there just shaking his 0:48:41.640 --> 0:48:44.320 head like, well, I like, what's part of my brain wound? 0:48:44.360 --> 0:48:47.080 A part of my brain where men are out here 0:48:47.120 --> 0:48:51.840 fucking passive passive with my math? You know part you 0:48:51.880 --> 0:48:54.120 want to not talk to me? You better tell me 0:48:54.160 --> 0:48:56.200 you don't want to talk to me period. You better say, yo, 0:48:56.239 --> 0:48:58.080 I need a minute for this past. I'm not about 0:48:58.080 --> 0:49:05.800 to fame, but I know he is he this is 0:49:05.880 --> 0:49:08.080 the whole type ship. And I tell you can I 0:49:08.080 --> 0:49:11.000 tell you? But I understand why you asked that because 0:49:11.200 --> 0:49:14.120 one time during Ramadan, my current man, I was not 0:49:14.320 --> 0:49:16.440 into him at the time, so I lied and was like, 0:49:16.480 --> 0:49:18.920 it's Ramadan, I can't have sex, So I didn't have 0:49:19.000 --> 0:49:26.400 So that's why that's so toxic. That's exactly why you 0:49:26.400 --> 0:49:30.040 should not trust men. Bro. So he's like, yo, I'm like, 0:49:30.080 --> 0:49:31.239 so what should do this one? And he's like, yo, 0:49:31.360 --> 0:49:33.120 Like I just was tapped out. I was just trying 0:49:33.160 --> 0:49:35.880 to spiritually tune in with the bitch. And I'm like, 0:49:35.880 --> 0:49:37.520 how did you break your past? He told me what 0:49:37.560 --> 0:49:40.200 He's like, I had a kill salad with salmon? Where 0:49:40.200 --> 0:49:42.240 did you eat that out lunch for the bitch? Because 0:49:42.239 --> 0:49:44.880 I know you ain't make no motherfucker kill salad? And yo, 0:49:44.960 --> 0:49:51.399 who even told you about kill salad? Bitch? Bitch? Yeah, yeah, 0:49:51.520 --> 0:49:56.680 I don't care to kill. That's you, niggah, You telling 0:49:56.719 --> 0:49:58.960 me right now you have salmon and kill. No, he laughed. 0:49:58.960 --> 0:50:03.880 And think I'm being you are, but I'm right and no, 0:50:04.760 --> 0:50:07.120 And this is probably some ship you were you were 0:50:07.120 --> 0:50:09.279 doing in your list relationship talking about I wasn't doing 0:50:09.280 --> 0:50:11.399 nothing wrong and then he cheated first of all, changing 0:50:11.440 --> 0:50:19.080 the I started cheating too. But anyway, let's go to 0:50:19.120 --> 0:50:22.680 why the girls want to talk to you? So I 0:50:22.719 --> 0:50:25.040 want to talk about one of my favorite things you 0:50:25.040 --> 0:50:27.080 said in the video. There's so many favorite things. Being 0:50:27.120 --> 0:50:31.080 with a rich man is lit. Now, obviously that would 0:50:31.120 --> 0:50:34.000 be the case, but how are the girls going to 0:50:34.040 --> 0:50:36.480 find him and how are they going to keep him? Okay, 0:50:36.560 --> 0:50:39.080 let's start with being with a rich man is lit. 0:50:39.440 --> 0:50:42.000 That was said in the context of in comparison to 0:50:42.040 --> 0:50:45.120 being with a four man. Okay, Okay, Like, obviously, if 0:50:45.160 --> 0:50:47.480 you take two men who are identical in every way, 0:50:47.760 --> 0:50:51.560 one has money, and one does it. Obviously you should 0:50:51.600 --> 0:50:54.719 pick the one who has money. That being said, and 0:50:54.800 --> 0:50:57.239 I've tried to I've tried to make videos about this, 0:50:57.320 --> 0:50:58.839 and like the girls don't want to hear this side 0:50:58.880 --> 0:51:02.239 of it. Being with a rich man comes with shit too, right, 0:51:02.960 --> 0:51:05.680 It comes with a lot of shit on its own, 0:51:06.080 --> 0:51:09.400 So I don't ever want to romanticize, like being with 0:51:09.480 --> 0:51:12.000 a wealthy man is just like so incredible and so 0:51:12.040 --> 0:51:14.680 amazing and so like, it comes with a whole host 0:51:14.760 --> 0:51:17.759 of its own shit. One thing I'll just say, overview, 0:51:17.840 --> 0:51:21.839 if you are with a man who a minority, right, 0:51:21.880 --> 0:51:27.239 who's a millionaire within a capitalist, white supremacist society, that 0:51:27.480 --> 0:51:30.000 man has to have believed in himself so much to 0:51:30.040 --> 0:51:32.480 get himself there, right, like you need to, because how 0:51:32.480 --> 0:51:34.560 the fuck else are you gonna write? How are you 0:51:34.560 --> 0:51:37.880 gonna move through all these fucking systems A lot of 0:51:37.920 --> 0:51:41.520 these men have as a result, they have God complexes. 0:51:42.400 --> 0:51:45.440 They they do have some bits of narcissism. They have 0:51:46.040 --> 0:51:51.239 high high egos like that doesn't stop at work, that 0:51:51.360 --> 0:51:56.440 comes home. These are their personality traits. So the personality 0:51:56.480 --> 0:52:00.120 traits that sometimes contribute to a man being extremely wealthy 0:52:00.719 --> 0:52:05.280 includes lack of empathy, being able to compartmentalize, not being 0:52:05.360 --> 0:52:08.359 overly emotional. Those are the things that we have seen 0:52:08.480 --> 0:52:12.400 historically make a great leader, and it allows him to, 0:52:12.719 --> 0:52:15.160 no matter what bullshit he has, go and make a 0:52:15.160 --> 0:52:17.279 lot of money. Now you bring that home and you 0:52:17.320 --> 0:52:20.560 bring that into a relationship. It's not exactly amazing all 0:52:20.560 --> 0:52:23.040 the time. A man who doesn't have empathy. 0:52:24.760 --> 0:52:28.200 Or now has these expectations of you to show up 0:52:28.239 --> 0:52:31.799 as maybe his soldier only because now science the leader first, 0:52:32.080 --> 0:52:33.160 he sees himself as. 0:52:33.040 --> 0:52:35.880 A leader all the way around. Unless, like when we 0:52:35.960 --> 0:52:38.000 spoke with a dom, a lot of them may want 0:52:38.040 --> 0:52:40.879 to get into kink submiss the roles in that way. 0:52:40.920 --> 0:52:43.719 But yes, I want to say this is interesting. So 0:52:43.960 --> 0:52:46.839 black women are surpassing black men in an entrepreneurial sense, 0:52:46.880 --> 0:52:50.080 and college degrees and finances by I think it's like 0:52:50.120 --> 0:52:53.040 six times or something. So if that's the case and 0:52:53.120 --> 0:52:55.879 we don't really need the money, let's just say, I mean, 0:52:55.880 --> 0:52:59.520 we still want it. But should women with money then 0:52:59.560 --> 0:53:03.040 be pursued someone who's maybe not the richest kind. No, 0:53:03.160 --> 0:53:05.359 I actually think this is where it's all fucked up, 0:53:05.400 --> 0:53:08.719 And I actually think women are completely fucked And I'll 0:53:08.719 --> 0:53:11.040 explain to you why, Like, no, I gent what I mean, 0:53:11.080 --> 0:53:12.960 we're fucked. I think I think if you're I think, 0:53:12.960 --> 0:53:16.840 if you're a woman who makes money, you have two options. 0:53:16.880 --> 0:53:20.000 Either dating a man with money. Now, that's hard because 0:53:20.000 --> 0:53:23.440 if you're in the one percent, there's only one percent 0:53:24.239 --> 0:53:26.239 for you to date, right, and you either work with 0:53:26.280 --> 0:53:28.319 all of them. And that's assuming the people in that 0:53:28.360 --> 0:53:31.239 one percent who financially match up with you also match 0:53:31.280 --> 0:53:35.880 up with you religiously, culturally, height wise, wait wise, look wise, 0:53:36.000 --> 0:53:38.640 character wise, like all that. I mean, the chances of 0:53:38.640 --> 0:53:41.160 that are very fucking slim. So you're kind of fucked 0:53:41.200 --> 0:53:44.200 right here. Your other option is going and dating a 0:53:44.200 --> 0:53:46.000 man who makes less than you. Now, the problem is, 0:53:46.280 --> 0:53:49.279 I believe there's something innately within a man where if 0:53:49.280 --> 0:53:51.719 he does not make more money than you. Now there's exceptions, 0:53:51.800 --> 0:53:53.400 but if he does not make more money than you, 0:53:53.680 --> 0:53:55.799 there's something about him and his ego as a man 0:53:55.840 --> 0:53:58.560 that gets like compromised, like where he needs to like 0:53:59.080 --> 0:54:01.359 fulfill it some other way, which is why you have 0:54:01.440 --> 0:54:03.480 women who end up dating men who make less and 0:54:03.480 --> 0:54:06.359 then getting cheated on by those men because they can't 0:54:06.400 --> 0:54:10.080 seem to feel like men without the financial aspect of it, 0:54:10.120 --> 0:54:12.400 and now a lot of that is attributed to a 0:54:12.440 --> 0:54:16.000 patriarchal society. So you're kind of fucked either which way. 0:54:16.440 --> 0:54:20.560 Well guess me that enough. I mean, I don't I 0:54:20.560 --> 0:54:22.880 don't mean to say like, oh gooo, who, like we're fucked, 0:54:22.880 --> 0:54:26.200 but like, let's be completely realistic, let's have honest conversations. 0:54:27.000 --> 0:54:31.120 As a woman, it is hard to find a fucking partner. 0:54:32.120 --> 0:54:35.760 It just is. Your options are finding someone who matches 0:54:35.760 --> 0:54:40.480 at your level, which is hard. If you have fucking skyrocketed, right, 0:54:40.520 --> 0:54:42.279 if you have like a normal paying job and on 0:54:42.400 --> 0:54:45.680 normal degrees, that's great, you have more options. But I 0:54:45.719 --> 0:54:48.239 always said this, like it's really hard for me to date. 0:54:48.320 --> 0:54:53.520 I am six feet tall. That that in itself, the 0:54:53.600 --> 0:54:57.160 number of the doctorate, Yeah, with with with the jd J. 0:54:57.719 --> 0:55:00.480 I'm I'm barred in two different states, and then I 0:55:00.480 --> 0:55:03.680 have another degree from Columbia and out of call, out 0:55:03.719 --> 0:55:08.000 of law school, I was making two fifty. So who 0:55:08.040 --> 0:55:11.319 am I dating? And I'm Muslim and I'm attractive, so 0:55:11.640 --> 0:55:14.520 I have to you know what I mean, Like, there's 0:55:14.760 --> 0:55:17.160 there's a total but like ten men available for me. 0:55:17.800 --> 0:55:20.000 Four of them I've already fucked. The other ones with 0:55:20.040 --> 0:55:21.480 my girlfriend. I hate jam. 0:55:22.000 --> 0:55:24.919 So then let me ask you getting into the relationships 0:55:24.920 --> 0:55:26.600 only because I know we said we would talk about it, 0:55:26.800 --> 0:55:29.560 and I would love to know how you went into it. 0:55:29.840 --> 0:55:30.600 Prenups. 0:55:30.760 --> 0:55:33.600 Yeah, so a woman finally gets married, especially maybe one 0:55:33.600 --> 0:55:35.520 with her own assets or maybe not. 0:55:35.640 --> 0:55:38.439 We could talk speak to both women. Yeah, you feel 0:55:38.520 --> 0:55:41.640 like prenups are a good thing and need to be happy. 0:55:41.920 --> 0:55:44.000 Yeah, and I know a lot of women and men. 0:55:44.040 --> 0:55:46.960 Now that word has had such a negative connotation with 0:55:47.120 --> 0:55:50.560 and Jasmin and Chino. I don't fucking body you if 0:55:50.600 --> 0:55:53.080 you do the Primo. I love that show first of all. 0:55:53.120 --> 0:55:55.800 And she's an insane human and the reason she's she 0:55:56.040 --> 0:55:59.280 didn't know. Yeah, that's why you no one the fucking 0:55:59.440 --> 0:56:05.040 to me. The waits you think are a great thing, 0:56:05.120 --> 0:56:06.279 I think they're an amazing thing. 0:56:06.400 --> 0:56:08.239 I think they're an amazing thing. If you don't make money, 0:56:08.239 --> 0:56:10.080 I think they're an amazing thing. If you do make money, 0:56:10.400 --> 0:56:12.640 I think if you decide to want to be a 0:56:12.680 --> 0:56:15.520 stay at home mom, okay, and you make no money, 0:56:16.239 --> 0:56:19.000 but your man is making the money without a prenup 0:56:20.200 --> 0:56:22.400 when it comes time to get a divorce. Now, this 0:56:22.560 --> 0:56:27.400 berries state by state, state different different laws. What are 0:56:27.440 --> 0:56:30.799 you really walking away with? Whereas if you had a 0:56:30.800 --> 0:56:32.440 prenup and you're like, Okay, I'm going to be a 0:56:32.440 --> 0:56:34.440 stay at home mother and I'm going to get a 0:56:34.480 --> 0:56:36.920 percentage of this and this and this and this at 0:56:37.000 --> 0:56:38.960 least that because being a state at home mother is 0:56:39.040 --> 0:56:42.759 a job. Is a job, you baby, a job I 0:56:42.800 --> 0:56:45.800 would so this is what I mean, So the same 0:56:45.840 --> 0:56:47.919 way that you wouldn't. You wouldn't go into a job 0:56:47.960 --> 0:56:50.040 and be like, you know what, Bud, we'll figure it out, 0:56:50.360 --> 0:56:52.000 like you shouldn't go into a marriage and be like, 0:56:52.040 --> 0:56:54.120 we'll figure it out, because what do you mean? I 0:56:54.160 --> 0:56:55.879 need to know how much i'm a fucking get paid 0:56:55.880 --> 0:56:58.560 in case this shit goes left, because I've given up 0:56:58.560 --> 0:57:01.120 my life to be your part. And because we live 0:57:01.200 --> 0:57:04.319 within a patriarchal society that's going to allow you to 0:57:04.360 --> 0:57:06.640 go and date other women because you do not have 0:57:06.680 --> 0:57:09.320 to deal with agism, whereas I fucking do. And you 0:57:09.640 --> 0:57:13.439 do believe in a woman's value decreasing with I don't 0:57:13.480 --> 0:57:15.880 believe in it by society. I think we live in 0:57:15.880 --> 0:57:18.720 a society that doesn't. I think it's incorrect, but I 0:57:18.760 --> 0:57:21.560 think we do live in a society that unfortunately values 0:57:22.120 --> 0:57:24.720 values women based off of our age and the kids, 0:57:24.800 --> 0:57:25.920 that we have something. 0:57:25.640 --> 0:57:29.040 That will make me feel good because I, oh, yeah, 0:57:29.080 --> 0:57:31.880 I think get your fucking money. Broom boom, I think 0:57:31.920 --> 0:57:33.160 get your money in every way. 0:57:33.400 --> 0:57:37.200 How where do we meet them? Okay, so let's see. 0:57:37.960 --> 0:57:40.919 I think I was just in Dallas. I was staying 0:57:40.920 --> 0:57:44.840 at the ritsuh the bar at the Ritz and I 0:57:45.200 --> 0:57:47.080 got them oil men, listen. 0:57:47.200 --> 0:57:49.640 Take your texas they leave, because then you can't have 0:57:49.680 --> 0:57:53.400 an abortion. But uh so, hotel bars, hotel bars, but 0:57:53.480 --> 0:57:57.040 go alone. Girls like to go in groups. That's intimidating. 0:57:57.080 --> 0:57:58.160 So can I be honest with you? 0:57:58.720 --> 0:58:01.160 If you go alone and usually a dress like you 0:58:01.240 --> 0:58:03.280 just came from work though, because ye don't look like 0:58:03.280 --> 0:58:06.080 an don't looking at escort of process, not. 0:58:06.000 --> 0:58:08.920 That there's anything wrong with because there's not way you 0:58:09.040 --> 0:58:09.560 dress mad. 0:58:09.880 --> 0:58:13.440 I've had friends removed from bars because they were accused 0:58:13.480 --> 0:58:14.640 of being escorts when. 0:58:14.520 --> 0:58:19.560 Literally they weren't. Yes, yes, yeah, you cannot just go. 0:58:19.680 --> 0:58:23.520 Also, ladies to these bars and look like a sex worker, 0:58:23.560 --> 0:58:25.800 because there a lot of times are undercover cops. 0:58:26.080 --> 0:58:28.560 You will be removed from these bars, especially in major cities. Yeah, 0:58:28.600 --> 0:58:30.919 my roommate, I had when I was younger. She worked 0:58:30.960 --> 0:58:33.360 at a hotel called the Peabody in Orlando, and she 0:58:33.400 --> 0:58:36.160 said the number one tip that they would get where 0:58:36.160 --> 0:58:39.120 like they had to alert the security, was that the 0:58:39.160 --> 0:58:42.320 person wasn't ordering a drink the woman because waiting for 0:58:43.160 --> 0:58:45.400 and waiting for I think, I think, order your own 0:58:45.400 --> 0:58:47.720 fucking drink. Well no, they're saying like if you're a 0:58:47.760 --> 0:58:50.040 sex worker, oh oh got it, got it, you're not 0:58:50.080 --> 0:58:53.160 going to order the drink. But anyway, long story short, 0:58:53.760 --> 0:58:57.240 Uh so hotel bars. I agree to tell bars who 0:58:59.560 --> 0:59:05.800 I'll be here. It not the folle ring grandma ringtone. Also, 0:59:06.040 --> 0:59:09.200 that is a grandma ass work. My phone was transferred. 0:59:09.400 --> 0:59:12.000 Oh oh yeah, it's update. She ain't set her seting. 0:59:13.160 --> 0:59:15.200 It's going back to factory. 0:59:15.320 --> 0:59:19.040 I think I think at conventions and conferences like, okay, 0:59:19.040 --> 0:59:19.880 I'm going to astro Tech. 0:59:19.920 --> 0:59:21.960 You guys, I'm hosting an event I've ever first. I 0:59:21.960 --> 0:59:24.400 think afro Text is an amazing that's where you meet. 0:59:24.720 --> 0:59:27.800 I did also see and this was a TikTok that 0:59:27.840 --> 0:59:29.760 I just saw, but that made sense. My homegirl sent 0:59:29.840 --> 0:59:31.160 it to me because now we sing, we're trying to 0:59:31.160 --> 0:59:34.320 scope back. So there was another thing that again when 0:59:34.360 --> 0:59:36.480 you're a one percent, when you're a billionaire, a lot 0:59:36.480 --> 0:59:38.800 of them hang with other billionaire of course, so it 0:59:38.880 --> 0:59:42.640 was talking about, uh conference like whenever they do the 0:59:43.720 --> 0:59:44.200 boat thing? 0:59:45.560 --> 0:59:49.720 Uh, what's the thing? Our cause was the one Formula one. 0:59:50.040 --> 0:59:52.360 A lot of the billionaires go to the Kentucky Derby. 0:59:52.360 --> 0:59:54.120 There's a lot of even events that they all like, Now, 0:59:54.360 --> 0:59:56.360 you guys can all go to this stuff. So I 0:59:56.400 --> 1:00:00.400 talked about it a few months back the F one event. 1:00:00.440 --> 1:00:02.760 I went to Miami, where they like fucking I met 1:00:02.800 --> 1:00:05.160 the owner of F one Miami and he just star 1:00:05.280 --> 1:00:08.040 studied me. I think I was sitting next to Tiesto, 1:00:08.160 --> 1:00:12.320 Queen land Tiva like my names. But you can go 1:00:12.360 --> 1:00:15.320 to F one for like one hundred fifty dollars, right, yeah, 1:00:15.720 --> 1:00:19.000 get it, get it, get there. But this is why 1:00:19.000 --> 1:00:20.520 I say, don't go with too many people. Just have 1:00:20.600 --> 1:00:23.840 one girl, girl, because it's a it's a lot easier 1:00:23.840 --> 1:00:27.120 at moving person to those guys normally coming to But 1:00:27.240 --> 1:00:29.400 for a hotel bar, I could see why you said one. Yeah, 1:00:29.480 --> 1:00:31.960 I think you had another video about going out alone. 1:00:31.960 --> 1:00:34.280 Can you talk about that more for women? Yeah, I 1:00:34.320 --> 1:00:36.640 mean I just think it's a lot easier and this 1:00:36.760 --> 1:00:39.880 fucking sucks that we have to make ourselves more approachable 1:00:39.880 --> 1:00:42.760 for men. So like, I know, fucking sucks, but I 1:00:42.800 --> 1:00:46.000 think it's just you're more approachable when you are by yourself. 1:00:46.080 --> 1:00:48.960 I think sometimes men get really intimidated when there's like 1:00:49.040 --> 1:00:52.400 when like a group of five bad bitches, like they're 1:00:52.440 --> 1:00:54.240 just gonna be like, I don't know, and it's a 1:00:54.240 --> 1:00:56.920 good point that whatever. So when you're by yourself and 1:00:56.960 --> 1:00:59.080 you look like this is just something I do, like 1:00:59.120 --> 1:01:00.959 I'm not here for you, babe, I just like got 1:01:00.960 --> 1:01:03.120 off work, even though I am. I just got off 1:01:03.120 --> 1:01:04.640 of work and I'm just here to get a drink 1:01:04.680 --> 1:01:06.880 and this is what I do, it's a lot easier. 1:01:06.960 --> 1:01:10.240 I also think there's nothing wrong with like sparking up 1:01:10.240 --> 1:01:12.560 a conversation. That does not mean that you need to 1:01:12.560 --> 1:01:14.880 pursue the man, But if he's sitting next to you, 1:01:14.880 --> 1:01:18.400 you could bait him into a conversation like have you 1:01:18.440 --> 1:01:22.080 ever had the whatever whatever's on the middle, like do 1:01:22.080 --> 1:01:24.200 you know if it's good? And then he'll say something 1:01:24.240 --> 1:01:26.760 and you'll be like okay, but now you you've opened 1:01:26.800 --> 1:01:29.680 the door saying I'm interested in a conversation if you'd 1:01:29.720 --> 1:01:31.720 like we can have a conversation. You know what I do. 1:01:32.720 --> 1:01:36.040 They compliment your outfit. I have noticed my friends, my 1:01:36.080 --> 1:01:37.520 whole boys have told me that they're like, I love 1:01:37.560 --> 1:01:40.080 telling her of our sneakers. Now her head is gassed up, 1:01:40.320 --> 1:01:42.960 now she's open. I'm thank you. And then boom, you're 1:01:42.960 --> 1:01:45.880 not saying you're hot, You're saying something general. We already 1:01:45.920 --> 1:01:48.240 know you worked hard on your outfit. Like, I think 1:01:48.280 --> 1:01:51.360 there are ways that men are even sometimes afraid too. Yeah, 1:01:51.480 --> 1:01:55.560 now we snagged the rich guy. How do we keep 1:01:55.560 --> 1:01:57.400 how do we keep them? How do we set ourselves 1:01:57.440 --> 1:02:00.360 apart from the other women? Because we've been having conversations 1:02:00.680 --> 1:02:04.240 a few weeks ago, like, okay, do women compete? Most 1:02:04.280 --> 1:02:06.320 women Mandy and our guests at the time are like, 1:02:06.400 --> 1:02:09.720 I'm not gonna compete. I know we compete. I've always 1:02:09.720 --> 1:02:15.880 said there's already a competition. That's what the patriarchy is 1:02:15.880 --> 1:02:17.880 set up. It's for us to compete against them. For 1:02:17.960 --> 1:02:20.560 these men. Yeah, Like is that not crazy? But is 1:02:20.640 --> 1:02:23.960 there a way for a woman to stand out from 1:02:24.040 --> 1:02:27.400 the other women? I don't think. I don't think putting 1:02:27.400 --> 1:02:30.440 on an act to stand out is a fucking thing. Like, 1:02:30.440 --> 1:02:32.520 that's not how you are, Like I think, at the 1:02:32.600 --> 1:02:34.960 end of the day, you're gonna stand out if you're 1:02:34.960 --> 1:02:38.560 that person's like for them. Yeah, like there's there's you 1:02:38.600 --> 1:02:41.000 can't put on bells and whistles and do all this 1:02:41.080 --> 1:02:44.400 weird ship to stand out for a man and it's 1:02:44.400 --> 1:02:46.600 not who you are. And that's once you go into 1:02:46.640 --> 1:02:50.040 a relationship. Because once you go into the relationship, how 1:02:50.040 --> 1:02:51.520 are you gonna come How are you gonna keep up 1:02:51.520 --> 1:02:54.840 the act. There's so many times I've heard or men say, like, 1:02:54.920 --> 1:02:57.480 I don't have an ex that's ever said like we 1:02:57.520 --> 1:03:00.880 stopped sucking, because that was always me. They've never been like, oh, 1:03:00.880 --> 1:03:02.439 she used to dress up or do this and blah 1:03:02.440 --> 1:03:04.760 blah blah and stop. That was always me at least 1:03:05.080 --> 1:03:07.760 sexual aspect. Right, Yeah, maybe I stopped cooking too much, 1:03:08.040 --> 1:03:10.920 But I do know that, like the sex was always 1:03:10.920 --> 1:03:13.600 one thing that I felt like I was able to 1:03:13.680 --> 1:03:16.880 keep up with. And I've heard so many times in 1:03:16.960 --> 1:03:21.120 relationships and marriages men say we don't have sex anymore. Yeah, 1:03:21.280 --> 1:03:23.520 I've never I can't relate. I can't relate. I actually 1:03:23.600 --> 1:03:27.400 had a whole life. I've never maybe except for one, 1:03:27.640 --> 1:03:29.800 has been a relationship where a man has wanted to 1:03:29.840 --> 1:03:31.520 have sex more than me. I want to have sex 1:03:31.520 --> 1:03:34.880 ten times today, same and can go ten times and 1:03:34.960 --> 1:03:37.080 if we can, we're going. Yeah, Like I have a 1:03:37.160 --> 1:03:39.400 very high liby though, so that's not my problem. But 1:03:40.240 --> 1:03:43.240 that maybe for the man that like you meet, it's 1:03:43.280 --> 1:03:46.760 really important to him that you remember dates I don't know, 1:03:46.760 --> 1:03:48.720 and you're naturally let's say good at dates. You're going 1:03:48.760 --> 1:03:50.640 to stand out for him. Yeah, that's just a match. 1:03:50.720 --> 1:03:53.960 But you can't manufacture a match, and you don't want 1:03:54.000 --> 1:03:55.240 to manufacture a match. 1:03:55.080 --> 1:03:57.480 And you don't want to manufacture yourself to be something 1:03:57.560 --> 1:03:59.880 for somebody that is you're not always. 1:03:59.480 --> 1:04:02.240 Like yeah because he has money. Like, at the end 1:04:02.280 --> 1:04:04.320 of the day, somebody could have money, but if you 1:04:04.360 --> 1:04:07.560 are miserable with them, there is no value in that money. Listen, 1:04:07.640 --> 1:04:09.720 there really is it you If you wake up every day, 1:04:10.480 --> 1:04:12.520 if you wake up every day and like you're just 1:04:12.640 --> 1:04:15.560 unhappy to be there, that money in that fucking mansion 1:04:15.600 --> 1:04:18.680 and that panenthouse isn't gonna mean that what then what 1:04:18.800 --> 1:04:20.480 ends up happening is you end up beating a man 1:04:20.520 --> 1:04:23.040 who is good, who is genuine, who is sincere heat 1:04:23.080 --> 1:04:27.240 a poor boy. Sorry, no, no, no, My last relationship 1:04:27.240 --> 1:04:29.080 that happened. The person I fell in love with had 1:04:29.360 --> 1:04:32.560 way less than him and me, Right, But then I 1:04:32.560 --> 1:04:36.160 would be away on these great trips and just live 1:04:36.200 --> 1:04:39.080 in a great life. And I'm like, ooh, but like 1:04:39.160 --> 1:04:41.520 I hate the person I'm sitting across from. Yeah, And 1:04:41.560 --> 1:04:43.840 I think that being able to like see that up 1:04:43.920 --> 1:04:46.240 the mirror in my face, like really has taught me 1:04:46.280 --> 1:04:48.640 a lot about what I'm looking for now. No, I 1:04:48.680 --> 1:04:53.080 can't date someone broke, but I definitely less. Yeah, I 1:04:53.120 --> 1:04:55.560 think that's fine. Like, I think a man can be 1:04:55.600 --> 1:05:00.000 a provider and not be a trillionaire. Like I don't 1:05:00.120 --> 1:05:02.520 think a provider and wealthy are necessarily the same thing, 1:05:02.520 --> 1:05:04.360 because now there's a lot of wealthy men who are 1:05:04.360 --> 1:05:06.560 fucking stingy ast shit, ye'll give you no money. And 1:05:06.600 --> 1:05:09.040 there's a lot of men who are good men who 1:05:09.120 --> 1:05:13.040 make like whatever average is in your book of money, 1:05:13.280 --> 1:05:15.560 and they provide for you, they show up for you, 1:05:15.640 --> 1:05:19.240 they buy you on trips. I'll be honest, I have 1:05:19.280 --> 1:05:21.600 every fucking bag I want I've ever fucking I mean, 1:05:21.640 --> 1:05:24.240 I think that's a very fine standard to have. You 1:05:24.320 --> 1:05:26.760 just want some food or some trips, bro the mom 1:05:27.000 --> 1:05:30.960 give you that. The more money I've made, the less 1:05:31.040 --> 1:05:34.520 I've like want them material even like watches. I agree 1:05:34.680 --> 1:05:37.760 buying myself watches, don't fucking wear them. I thought Rolexes 1:05:37.800 --> 1:05:39.520 were gonna be my standard. Now I don't even put 1:05:39.520 --> 1:05:41.760 them on it when I'm walking down the street. It's 1:05:41.880 --> 1:05:44.600 all these little things that I thought would make me 1:05:44.680 --> 1:05:48.640 more attractive just to the world when I started making money, 1:05:48.680 --> 1:05:51.960 and now it's I've totally regressed. It's the weirdest thing. 1:05:52.240 --> 1:05:54.440 The only thing I will motherfucking do every time is 1:05:54.480 --> 1:05:57.080 laid out flat and I need to post. Literally just 1:05:57.120 --> 1:06:00.200 did that from from Dubai and I literally spoke to 1:06:00.240 --> 1:06:02.000 my friend when we were walking to the lounge about it. 1:06:02.000 --> 1:06:05.640 I was like to know that I just could. I said, 1:06:05.680 --> 1:06:06.800 I want to bed. I want to be able to 1:06:06.840 --> 1:06:09.360 lay down during this fucking seven hour flight to Amsterdam. 1:06:09.480 --> 1:06:11.840 Yeah, and I just bought it. I was like, wow, 1:06:12.000 --> 1:06:15.160 like the idea that this at one point only would 1:06:15.160 --> 1:06:17.560 have seemed possible with a man with money. I know 1:06:17.680 --> 1:06:20.560 now my mindset is, so what do I need these niggas? 1:06:20.560 --> 1:06:22.520 Bro I'm gonna be honest with you even when I'm crazy. 1:06:22.840 --> 1:06:25.480 If I'm taking myself African trip this year, if you 1:06:25.520 --> 1:06:28.240 need to be in the back up's fine, but I 1:06:28.320 --> 1:06:31.000 will in a fly like, wait, why are you shaking 1:06:31.040 --> 1:06:31.439 your hand? 1:06:31.520 --> 1:06:35.600 Well, we have both being economy. I don't know make 1:06:35.680 --> 1:06:38.280 economy money. The other one does that he has to sit. 1:06:38.880 --> 1:06:40.960 He can't upgrade himself. But no, like that, haes. I 1:06:40.960 --> 1:06:43.760 think that's the only I think that's the only thing 1:06:43.960 --> 1:06:47.240 in my life right now that you know. You're not 1:06:47.280 --> 1:06:50.320 upgrading your man, you know, upgrading your man with you. 1:06:50.440 --> 1:06:52.920 I'm spending four thousand and five thousand dollars on these flights. No, 1:06:53.080 --> 1:06:55.040 you not upgrading your man. I'm not spending that much 1:06:55.040 --> 1:06:59.200 on a man. No, no, I'm not. Okay, So, but 1:06:59.240 --> 1:07:01.560 so here's my QUI you're not and only because I 1:07:01.600 --> 1:07:02.680 like to do the devil's advocate. 1:07:02.760 --> 1:07:05.720 Okay, you're with a rich man. He flies first class, 1:07:05.760 --> 1:07:07.520 puts you on economy. You're going on the trip with 1:07:07.560 --> 1:07:08.440 him flying economy. 1:07:08.480 --> 1:07:13.040 I don't have to do the chivalry he does. He does. 1:07:13.840 --> 1:07:16.640 But I have a question. You're in first class. He 1:07:17.000 --> 1:07:19.440 just rode seven hours in the economy. How do you 1:07:19.480 --> 1:07:23.040 think I'm gonna give him? She said on a girl, 1:07:23.680 --> 1:07:27.640 actually only one girl. Mage I was flying from Bogata 1:07:27.760 --> 1:07:30.560 to New York, right, okay, And there was only one left, 1:07:30.640 --> 1:07:33.080 one seed left, and we wanted to get out for 1:07:33.120 --> 1:07:34.600 the next day and my ex was like fuck. 1:07:35.040 --> 1:07:36.680 We were like, should we split it? And he was 1:07:36.680 --> 1:07:39.000 like yeah, and we actually did. It was six hours 1:07:39.000 --> 1:07:41.080 we did three and three. Oh see, I didn't saying 1:07:41.400 --> 1:07:43.840 the same thing happened with me. My ex literally from Bogata. 1:07:44.240 --> 1:07:47.000 I got the first class. He was comfort and I 1:07:47.040 --> 1:07:48.960 allow I was too nice to that. Nigga allowed him 1:07:48.960 --> 1:07:50.640 to sit first class because he's six seven. I'm five 1:07:50.680 --> 1:07:50.920 to one. 1:07:51.320 --> 1:07:54.080 I'm sleeping the whole time. Yeah, sit up in first class. Yeah, 1:07:54.360 --> 1:07:57.440 never again. Nope, he was undeserving. I will never do 1:07:57.520 --> 1:07:59.240 that again. I'm first class. You go sit in coming. 1:07:59.320 --> 1:08:01.000 This is not Yeah. This has happened multiple times in 1:08:01.280 --> 1:08:03.280 I only did this were laid down otherwise. I don't care. 1:08:03.400 --> 1:08:05.800 I was upset. This has happened in my relationship, and 1:08:06.040 --> 1:08:08.560 I'm always going to be in first class. You can 1:08:08.600 --> 1:08:10.920 sit in the back even though you paid for it. 1:08:11.520 --> 1:08:13.560 This is like when a man lets me sit down 1:08:14.080 --> 1:08:16.200 when there's a seat avail about the bar. I swear 1:08:16.200 --> 1:08:18.479 to God, it's the same concept to me. Yes, it is. 1:08:18.680 --> 1:08:20.559 Wait what I have never had a nigga let me 1:08:20.640 --> 1:08:25.320 sit up anytime a bar? Yeah, like no, I'm getting 1:08:25.360 --> 1:08:29.680 seated first last week. Bro? You doesn't agree? Oh right? 1:08:30.680 --> 1:08:34.280 Well well real quick, Well, this entire conversation us clearly 1:08:34.280 --> 1:08:36.000 talking about dynamics of relationships. 1:08:36.000 --> 1:08:36.920 Tell you not in your head a lot. 1:08:37.160 --> 1:08:39.600 You nodded your head, you agreed, you disagree, some, you 1:08:39.680 --> 1:08:43.000 laughed at something. Well, what would be your overall consensus 1:08:43.000 --> 1:08:45.840 with our views of dating and how we're showing up 1:08:45.840 --> 1:08:48.160 and what we expect from men based on just this 1:08:48.360 --> 1:08:49.879 hour and change of conversation? 1:08:51.200 --> 1:09:01.559 That was crazy everything? I think everything right now? Wait? 1:09:01.680 --> 1:09:04.519 Oh so you want your girl to go to the bag? No, 1:09:04.640 --> 1:09:13.200 he want to be in the back. Yeah, let's be together. Okay, 1:09:13.240 --> 1:09:19.080 well you know what, why is struggling wife quality? Because 1:09:19.120 --> 1:09:27.519 I'm gonna be like that. That was tall. I'm six 1:09:27.600 --> 1:09:30.839 feet tall. It's hard back there, and I have bad knees. 1:09:30.920 --> 1:09:34.320 So your man is gonna be even taller. That's his bad. Okay. See, 1:09:34.360 --> 1:09:37.200 I'm gonna say this. This is to me the same thing. 1:09:38.000 --> 1:09:40.559 If I'm dating a man that maybe doesn't wear designer 1:09:40.640 --> 1:09:44.000 like I'm wearing, You're gonna buy him shirt? No, I 1:09:44.000 --> 1:09:46.680 ain't gonna lie I didn't do that with my what 1:09:47.240 --> 1:09:50.000 is available bag? Yeah, and you're gonna find it. So 1:09:50.080 --> 1:09:52.920 my point is, if I'm treating myself, you're not gonna 1:09:52.960 --> 1:09:56.200 feel weird at an event where you're like, you're decked 1:09:56.240 --> 1:10:01.080 out and and he looks I'll be in today's age. 1:10:01.240 --> 1:10:04.519 I think fla ship can Gosha could go without being labeled. No, 1:10:04.680 --> 1:10:07.240 I agree. Are you gonna let's say he doesn't have fashion? Tim, 1:10:07.640 --> 1:10:12.759 will you help? Don't? You got to be able to leave, Honestly, 1:10:12.880 --> 1:10:14.200 you got to be able to put that ship on. Bro. 1:10:14.280 --> 1:10:16.320 I don't think i'd be in that place where I 1:10:16.479 --> 1:10:18.439 be there. But I've also dated very wealthy then that 1:10:18.520 --> 1:10:25.599 can't dress precisely. Wealth is not so that labels I 1:10:25.640 --> 1:10:30.160 have been DATCHI lying, disgusting, philly and versachi, awful and 1:10:31.240 --> 1:10:34.840 grandy or I'll say that might be something on part 1:10:34.880 --> 1:10:37.439 with you. And it's what taught me that I could 1:10:37.479 --> 1:10:40.600 date a man that has a little less so just 1:10:40.680 --> 1:10:44.200 talking about clothes, right, A friend of mine shout out 1:10:44.240 --> 1:10:48.080 to Maurice. He said, I have to date a woman 1:10:48.479 --> 1:10:51.280 that has my same taste level. And I keep talking 1:10:51.280 --> 1:10:53.160 about this on every podcast and I couldn't believe how 1:10:53.200 --> 1:10:55.360 true it was. He said, maybe she's not making as 1:10:55.439 --> 1:10:57.479 much as me, and I think he's it. Okay, I 1:10:57.520 --> 1:11:00.240 go to Japan, you've never been. That's cool. But you're like, oh, 1:11:00.280 --> 1:11:02.519 did you go to this neighborhood? Did you see the herd? Yeah? 1:11:03.439 --> 1:11:05.360 I heard there's a really fast train. That means our 1:11:05.360 --> 1:11:07.920 taste levels matter for sure. So I think when I've 1:11:08.000 --> 1:11:10.280 dated men that have less like it happened to me 1:11:10.320 --> 1:11:11.880 a few weeks ago. I was getting dressed and he 1:11:11.960 --> 1:11:15.200 was like, Yo, are those rick rick owing pants? And 1:11:15.240 --> 1:11:17.000 I was like, no, but they look like He was like, damn, 1:11:17.000 --> 1:11:18.640 they got the same swag. Look at you with the 1:11:18.720 --> 1:11:20.960 dupe now we laughing about shit. I'm like, oh, so 1:11:21.040 --> 1:11:23.120 you get it. It doesn't matter if you're wearing three 1:11:23.120 --> 1:11:26.000 thousand dollars pants, you're getting it because those Dara's gonna 1:11:26.080 --> 1:11:34.479 hit niggle. Nobody will shame me out of Sarah Everara. 1:11:34.920 --> 1:11:38.600 But anyway, so, the taste level when it comes to food, hotel, 1:11:38.720 --> 1:11:42.639 stays all of it. Bro if he can't afford certain things. 1:11:43.680 --> 1:11:45.639 Even when I was broke, I was figuring out how 1:11:45.640 --> 1:11:48.519 to do X y Z, and I believe that is taste. 1:11:48.640 --> 1:11:51.120 I agree. I was if I could do it in 1:11:51.240 --> 1:11:54.519 law school off financial aid, you could do it with 1:11:54.560 --> 1:11:58.320 your regular paying job. I was making well. I'm in school, 1:11:58.360 --> 1:12:00.439 so I have what like a thousand dollars a month, 1:12:00.760 --> 1:12:03.240 but I'm going on trips and I'm looking good, and 1:12:03.280 --> 1:12:04.920 I still figure out a way to get on a 1:12:04.920 --> 1:12:07.519 boat situation. I'm telling you that you can figure it out. 1:12:07.560 --> 1:12:09.360 People just don't want to put in an effort, or 1:12:09.360 --> 1:12:13.080 they're not as resourceful, or maybe I'm not resourceful. That's it. People. 1:12:13.160 --> 1:12:16.920 People don't know how to I just keep saying, finesse like, 1:12:16.960 --> 1:12:19.479 you gotta know how to finess life. You gotta know 1:12:19.520 --> 1:12:21.320 how to like, you gotta know how to move, You 1:12:21.320 --> 1:12:25.360 gotta know how to you know, get get get Get 1:12:25.400 --> 1:12:27.519 on a fucking group on. There's some good shit on 1:12:27.600 --> 1:12:29.920 group on. Figure out if you don't have money, I'm saying, 1:12:29.920 --> 1:12:31.800 figure out a way to get get get it via 1:12:31.840 --> 1:12:34.479 group of be the men that take me to pay 1:12:34.520 --> 1:12:36.280 as you wish day at the galleries. I don't give 1:12:36.320 --> 1:12:38.280 a fuck. I see that you know what I like. 1:12:38.280 --> 1:12:40.400 You like what you're doing Tuesday night. Oh you look nigga, 1:12:40.560 --> 1:12:42.840 and you know you can pay a dollars instead of thirty. 1:12:43.000 --> 1:12:45.439 That's fine. At least be in there. I don't give 1:12:45.439 --> 1:12:48.200 a fuck. But that to me is like you get it, Yeah, 1:12:48.320 --> 1:12:50.920 that is what I want. I think making a little 1:12:51.000 --> 1:12:54.760 less than you is I is fine. I dated a 1:12:54.800 --> 1:13:00.400 man who made like, very very very low amount. What's that? 1:13:01.840 --> 1:13:06.240 Just curious? I mean, oh, go ahead, go ahead and 1:13:06.240 --> 1:13:10.400 get you. That's a very low amount sr No, no, no, 1:13:10.640 --> 1:13:13.599 it was like one twenty and that was low okay 1:13:13.800 --> 1:13:16.160 for New York. Absolutely, I can understood that that way. 1:13:16.280 --> 1:13:18.120 It was one twenty. It was it was just too 1:13:18.160 --> 1:13:21.680 low for me. But I was paying for everything. I 1:13:21.760 --> 1:13:23.800 just felt bad at that point. I'm not gonna hold you. 1:13:23.840 --> 1:13:26.120 That was my life. I paid for everything like I 1:13:26.160 --> 1:13:28.840 didn't for I paid for a lot like I didn't 1:13:28.880 --> 1:13:30.920 like that I like to eat and nice places. I 1:13:30.960 --> 1:13:32.680 didn't like that I would go to. I would want 1:13:32.720 --> 1:13:36.759 to go to a roll. This was literally like, babe, 1:13:36.760 --> 1:13:39.240 that's expensive. I don't want to just get into God, 1:13:39.320 --> 1:13:41.600 I got it. I got it so that I'm not 1:13:41.600 --> 1:13:43.160 allowed to sit here and argue with you. I just 1:13:43.280 --> 1:13:44.360 I'm craving this possible. 1:13:44.400 --> 1:13:47.640 And that's where that's where I realized taste matters, but 1:13:47.720 --> 1:13:48.880 also with restaurants. 1:13:49.000 --> 1:13:51.080 He literally almost to me. 1:13:51.160 --> 1:13:52.960 I felt like I was duped out of being able 1:13:53.000 --> 1:13:55.280 to enjoy the things I liked because he said, why 1:13:55.280 --> 1:13:56.280 would you spend that much. 1:13:56.160 --> 1:14:02.520 On a meal? Like, literally, I like everything here, experience. 1:14:02.680 --> 1:14:06.760 I agree this, and the ballet guy, especially in LA, 1:14:06.800 --> 1:14:10.639 doesn't take my ship. I why don't want? Yeah, well 1:14:10.720 --> 1:14:13.160 I started. I started secretly going to restaurants for myself. 1:14:13.240 --> 1:14:16.360 Myself same in my relationship because I was like, I 1:14:16.360 --> 1:14:18.760 can't pay for you all the time, and also I 1:14:18.760 --> 1:14:20.840 don't want to deprive myself of this of what I 1:14:20.920 --> 1:14:24.120 like to do. Yeah, but you know, for me, I 1:14:24.160 --> 1:14:25.880 at least need once a week and it doesn't have 1:14:25.960 --> 1:14:28.160 to be the Michelin or whatever, but like once a 1:14:28.160 --> 1:14:32.320 week of effort. I was dating and effort Like I 1:14:32.360 --> 1:14:33.800 was adating a guy in LA that took me to 1:14:33.840 --> 1:14:37.680 this like hidden restaurant in the middle of Rodeo and 1:14:37.720 --> 1:14:40.559 it was hella cute, like I loved it, and I 1:14:40.640 --> 1:14:42.880 thought like, oh, you're trying, like you got me the 1:14:42.920 --> 1:14:45.559 instagrammable spot. I mean, let me let me say something. 1:14:45.600 --> 1:14:48.840 Though dates are expensive, we talk about Michelin, A regular date. 1:14:49.240 --> 1:14:54.719 A regular date is oh a date. Yeah, the meals. 1:14:55.040 --> 1:14:57.120 I just hated Omar's kitchen. Shout out, y'all should go 1:14:57.120 --> 1:14:58.479 eat it. To the Lower east Side. I know a 1:14:58.479 --> 1:14:59.920 lot of you guys went to Cadence. They told me 1:15:00.080 --> 1:15:01.280 went in there and didn't know it was vegan. 1:15:01.960 --> 1:15:04.200 They told you that girl felt so bad. I looked 1:15:04.200 --> 1:15:07.880 at that menu and I was like, and there were fans. 1:15:07.920 --> 1:15:10.160 They brought food out from the kitchen. I didn't tell 1:15:10.160 --> 1:15:12.439 my friend, don't finish at all. It's good, but we 1:15:12.439 --> 1:15:17.320 don't want to eat the rest. It's vegan, but I don't. 1:15:17.760 --> 1:15:20.479 We only left because they also no liquor. I said, 1:15:20.520 --> 1:15:22.200 no liquor and vegan, I said, bitch. 1:15:22.080 --> 1:15:25.160 Now no, they got cocktails. Oh you didn't look at 1:15:25.160 --> 1:15:28.200 the Nope, there's wine and beer. Wine and beer is 1:15:28.200 --> 1:15:32.519 not a cocktail to me. Oh they made wine. That's 1:15:32.560 --> 1:15:34.840 not a cocktail. Oh anyway, Oh Mar's kitchen, they do 1:15:34.920 --> 1:15:36.960 have liquor. It's in the Lower east Side. Jamake a restaurant. 1:15:37.360 --> 1:15:40.000 We ate. I think it was one hundred and fifty 1:15:40.000 --> 1:15:43.000 five dollars. This Jamaican food. This is what I mean. 1:15:43.560 --> 1:15:45.080 I don't this is not a problem. Those are his 1:15:45.160 --> 1:15:46.880 prices and the food is great. And it's a it's 1:15:46.920 --> 1:15:49.559 a vibe, that's a date night. But literally I remember thinking, 1:15:49.600 --> 1:15:52.519 like when you think about going to like, I don't know, 1:15:52.600 --> 1:15:54.760 just a Caribbean restaurant, you're not thinking you're spending that much, 1:15:54.920 --> 1:15:57.240 but you're out here to have drinks. You're out here 1:15:57.240 --> 1:15:57.719 in the vibe. 1:15:57.760 --> 1:16:00.760 There's music there like this year then I'm going to 1:16:00.800 --> 1:16:03.360 find hopefully so, which is what I used to tell 1:16:03.360 --> 1:16:05.240 my friend all the time. Bro, you can't expect a 1:16:05.280 --> 1:16:08.840 man to take you for dinner and hookah three times 1:16:08.840 --> 1:16:09.160 a week. 1:16:09.200 --> 1:16:12.360 That's a thousand dollars a week. That's literally like fifteen 1:16:12.439 --> 1:16:14.719 hundred dollars. And on top of that, you want flowers, 1:16:14.720 --> 1:16:16.720 and on top of it, like sometimes you might want 1:16:16.760 --> 1:16:18.920 him to talk for your uber home. Sometimes I do 1:16:19.040 --> 1:16:21.920 feel for how hard it is for a man to date, 1:16:22.200 --> 1:16:24.519 especially if they want to date multiple women. I don't 1:16:24.520 --> 1:16:28.280 even know how the hell because honestly, they need to 1:16:28.280 --> 1:16:31.040 set up a financial course because they're really doing it 1:16:31.080 --> 1:16:33.679 out here. Like how you how you dating five women? 1:16:33.800 --> 1:16:36.840 Make no money and you but they're not. That's why 1:16:36.840 --> 1:16:39.839 they're inviting them to Netflix and chill. Now. I cannot 1:16:39.960 --> 1:16:43.160 date a dude that's dating too many people because it'll 1:16:43.200 --> 1:16:44.920 take away what he did for you. It really is, 1:16:45.080 --> 1:16:49.439 you're still on my resources I want to do and 1:16:49.560 --> 1:16:52.320 you can't. Is it because you just took this with Jeb? 1:16:52.640 --> 1:16:55.080 But but think about it, Okay. A man who's spending 1:16:55.680 --> 1:16:59.599 fifteen hundred dollars a week on his girl on dates 1:17:00.240 --> 1:17:04.800 multiple multiply that by four. Right, y'all got it? Dating 1:17:04.880 --> 1:17:07.160 is a rich man sport. Yeah, and then add rent 1:17:07.360 --> 1:17:10.400 and add and add car and add this, and there's 1:17:10.479 --> 1:17:12.840 no way he would be able to do all that 1:17:12.920 --> 1:17:17.240 making less than what like a couple of milks. Hmmm. 1:17:18.080 --> 1:17:19.559 I want to end this because I'm pissed. 1:17:20.080 --> 1:17:22.280 Oh yeah, sorry, y'all thought y'all would come here for 1:17:22.360 --> 1:17:24.439 dating advice. We just let you know it's rough out here, y'all. 1:17:24.520 --> 1:17:30.040 Dating is ghetto. The advice is just fuck him. I 1:17:30.040 --> 1:17:34.200 wouldn't recommend just fucking them, my eyes. My advice is 1:17:34.520 --> 1:17:38.680 just get get your ship, get your money, you know, 1:17:38.760 --> 1:17:41.960 pouring to yourself, make sure you're good and hopefully the 1:17:42.040 --> 1:17:44.799 right one comes and if not, you're still laying flat 1:17:44.960 --> 1:17:47.800 on your way to Singapore. Bitch, I know that's right, 1:17:48.160 --> 1:17:51.640 you know what I mean? Listen that thing about us 1:17:51.640 --> 1:17:56.320 we're gonna lay flat without you thought, that's so crazy. 1:17:56.360 --> 1:17:59.439 So that I was flying back from Harris and I 1:17:59.479 --> 1:18:00.880 was in the pot you know what has the doors? 1:18:00.960 --> 1:18:03.760 The doors oh or the D and D bitchmar coming 1:18:03.800 --> 1:18:06.920 back had a massage, but oh yeah, the Delta. It 1:18:07.000 --> 1:18:10.880 was klm oh and it was ken you sitting in there. 1:18:10.920 --> 1:18:13.080 And I was literally reading a book called Rich and 1:18:13.120 --> 1:18:16.320 Pretty period. This nigga wasn't texting me back, and I 1:18:16.360 --> 1:18:19.680 was like, I'm literally one hundred and eighty degrees right now. 1:18:19.920 --> 1:18:23.719 I just have a fucking duck. Do I give a fuck? No? Nope, No, 1:18:23.880 --> 1:18:26.720 I can't give a fuck. I also, whenever I used 1:18:26.760 --> 1:18:29.880 to date a certain man, I'd be like, if four 1:18:29.960 --> 1:18:32.240 or five million dollars were added to my account right now, 1:18:32.439 --> 1:18:34.920 would I give a fuck? And the answer has always 1:18:34.920 --> 1:18:37.599 been no. And then I realized that that means I'm 1:18:37.640 --> 1:18:41.280 only sad because I don't make enough. And if I 1:18:41.320 --> 1:18:43.680 were to let me go, yeah, let me just make 1:18:43.720 --> 1:18:46.719 more money, I might be sad and rich. 1:18:47.840 --> 1:18:51.200 Better than horror conversations, the modern day woman is going 1:18:51.280 --> 1:18:51.800 to get our. 1:18:54.520 --> 1:18:57.479 But also, let's just keep in mind this is talking 1:18:57.479 --> 1:19:00.600 about being rich alone. Yeah, and I think that is 1:19:00.640 --> 1:19:03.320 the most powerful thing because I've been watching so much 1:19:03.320 --> 1:19:05.600 content and hearing so much bullshit over the years of 1:19:05.680 --> 1:19:09.760 women talking about being sad with a man's money. No, 1:19:09.960 --> 1:19:12.080 I'm saying you need to get your money. No, I 1:19:12.120 --> 1:19:14.280 know what you're saying, right, but this isn't a conversation 1:19:14.360 --> 1:19:16.920 that I've been hearing. It's always about Oh, if he 1:19:16.960 --> 1:19:18.280 gets you x y Z, well, at least you got 1:19:18.320 --> 1:19:21.600 this bruh. You can literally get that ship yourself. The 1:19:21.640 --> 1:19:25.120 way you're just fro my gets hard when I fucking 1:19:25.160 --> 1:19:27.519 do shit for myself. My life is so peaceful right now, 1:19:28.479 --> 1:19:30.720 y'all be like key glowing because I ain't worried about 1:19:30.720 --> 1:19:33.880 no niggles. Where can people find you so hard? Tell 1:19:33.920 --> 1:19:37.240 them what I'm on Tiktoki talks with so harr and 1:19:37.280 --> 1:19:41.320 then my Instagram sharm and that will be in the 1:19:41.360 --> 1:19:44.679 description of this episode. Y'all. Y'all want to hear more 1:19:44.680 --> 1:19:46.960 from Horrible Decisions, make sure you join us on Patreon. 1:19:47.240 --> 1:19:52.200 That's patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions. Sorry, thank you 1:19:52.240 --> 1:19:55.400 for joining us here. We're gonna have to do dinner 1:19:55.400 --> 1:19:58.479 and catch up, yes, but yeah, y'all, make sure y'all 1:19:58.560 --> 1:20:01.240 check us out, and this has been yet another episode 1:20:01.400 --> 1:20:03.080 of horrible decisions like