Speaker 1: Guess what decision we're about to make horrible decisions. Hey guys,
Speaker 1: welcome to another episode of horrible.
Speaker 2: That might have been good. Yea, that was pretty good.
Speaker 2: It's because I haven't been sucking good. So my vocal
Speaker 2: cords are just it's it's just new. They're not damaged.
Speaker 1: You just making it up, both of y'all. I'm your girl, Mandy.
Speaker 2: V aka pay the Stallion aka that bitch.
Speaker 1: What's up, y'all? I'm weezy, And today we have a guest.
Speaker 1: Mandy and her know each other, but she's one of
Speaker 1: my favorite TikTok people. And I don't even have a TikTok.
Speaker 1: That's crazy that you don't have a TikTok. We watch
Speaker 1: TikTok on Instagram, I watch it on Twitter, but people
Speaker 1: like just send me things. And I was looking for
Speaker 1: a guest because I feel like everybody's like interviewing dating
Speaker 1: coaches recently, and they all have the same kind of
Speaker 1: like mundane voice in a way, and it's kind of
Speaker 1: annoying me. So I was like, damn, who could we
Speaker 1: like interview that actually creates content around dating? And it
Speaker 1: was perfect when I found you, especially, So wait, how
Speaker 1: do y'all know each other through Chelsea. Yeah. So she's
Speaker 1: the first woman who's ever left me speechless. I have
Speaker 1: ever been speechless in my entire life. What was she
Speaker 1: talking about as, Oh, yeah, I don't know what would
Speaker 1: we talk about yourl I feel like I would say
Speaker 1: some crazy shit that I did, and then my ship
Speaker 1: seemed like PG to her. She would say something and
Speaker 1: I started feeling got prude. I was like, well, I've
Speaker 1: only pegged one guy. She was like, I know. I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, you're talking about we were on street,
Speaker 1: we were getting having a fancy ass dinner, talk about sucking.
Speaker 1: But then also when when she was so everyone in
Speaker 1: that group is married as partners, I'm the only single
Speaker 1: bitch going around like just really trying to fig us
Speaker 1: on this. This was no, this was a year, year
Speaker 1: or two ago. You were a single year ago. Maybe
Speaker 1: at the time, maybe at the time, maybe you know,
Speaker 1: maybe I was on one of my thirteen brains. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was on one of my I was on one
Speaker 1: of my thirteen brains.
Speaker 2: And we also go to Soho house and everyone's dancing.
Speaker 2: Because this is when, by the way, shout out black
Speaker 2: girls texting. They threw likes here in the summertime the
Speaker 2: Soho house. So we're on the rooftop.
Speaker 1: I look over and some of y'all saved the video
Speaker 1: because everyone wanted to know who the hell you were.
Speaker 1: This girl has one leg on the ground, the other
Speaker 1: leg literally behind this man moving her ass. And I said, oh,
Speaker 1: this is why you gotta ring. This is why you
Speaker 1: getting it because I cannot do this. I might still
Speaker 1: have it on my phone because you asked both in
Speaker 1: my hands the ways the PA. I said, Oh, I
Speaker 1: ain't never gonna get a man if I gotta do this, okay.
Speaker 1: So it's not beauty, It's not just beauty and not
Speaker 1: just brains.
Speaker 2: She is fun, she like and I think that when
Speaker 2: when you think of like beautiful girls who get rich
Speaker 2: niggas or things like that. Like even to find out
Speaker 2: like he graduated from fucking Columbia, which, bytom way, you
Speaker 2: had a cute man that was in your class, and
Speaker 2: I'm mad he moved back overseas, you know what I know.
Speaker 2: And so I think to be in a group as
Speaker 2: as myself who isn't seeking marriage and things like that,
Speaker 2: it was really interesting to be around because there's Gabby,
Speaker 2: there's Chelsea, there's all these women who literally want the
Speaker 2: opposite of what I do. So when we all get together,
Speaker 2: like there's just so many different narratives on how to
Speaker 2: do things. And what's crazy too, is I know what
Speaker 2: I've been coming on here saying, and we're gonna get
Speaker 2: into dating.
Speaker 1: I actually was told something not to do when dating.
Speaker 2: Now now that I'm like going out dating from these
Speaker 2: types of conversations, I've been actually told I am shooting
Speaker 2: myself in the foot for going into dates saying I
Speaker 2: don't want kids, I don't want marriage, I don't want
Speaker 2: all the things that I talk about on this pod.
Speaker 2: Because I told you that I was in a group.
Speaker 2: It wasn't even a girl that I know. This was
Speaker 2: in LA.
Speaker 1: So we're all at talks and I'm like, yeah, girl,
Speaker 1: I don't want this, I don't want this, and she
Speaker 1: was like, oh, well, then if you go into dates
Speaker 1: letting a guy know there's literally gonna be zero things
Speaker 1: for him to show up and want to pursue with you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: even as a man, say they don't even want those things. No,
Speaker 1: but as soon as they know you don't want you,
Speaker 1: that's interesting.
Speaker 2: So literally it was like, oh no, go in and
Speaker 2: say you want to ring summer Walker, go in.
Speaker 1: And say you want a faithful man. Go in and
Speaker 1: maybe because you want to be a mom, because they're
Speaker 1: not our guests by the way, so you Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think like man are exploitative in nature, And what I
Speaker 1: mean by that is if you give them an inch,
Speaker 1: they're going to take them out. Like I think that's
Speaker 1: who they are. Like if you ask for the bare minimum,
Speaker 1: they're gonna just give you less. But like that's just
Speaker 1: that's just who they are humans. So I feel like
Speaker 1: you need to set the bar so high to get
Speaker 1: the bare ridimum. Like I think when you're going in
Speaker 1: there and being like, oh, I don't want kids, I
Speaker 1: don't want to ring, I don't want this, I don't
Speaker 1: want that, then they're gonna be like, well, nigga, I'll
Speaker 1: give you this. Yeah exactly, I'm not gonna give you shit.
Speaker 1: Like I agree with you. I don't want any of
Speaker 1: that too. But the fact that you don't want it,
Speaker 1: why am I going to show up for you? You know,
Speaker 1: what do you want? Then? A long term partners really matter? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just feel like it's none of their fucking business
Speaker 1: what you want. You know what I'm saying why because
Speaker 1: they're not even really about to give you what you
Speaker 1: what you really want, you know what I'm saying, Like
Speaker 1: they're not sitting there actually trying to take notes, like
Speaker 1: let me deliver what she fucking wants. No, we all
Speaker 1: fuck they gonna give you what they want to give you,
Speaker 1: so at least go in there and like have some requirements,
Speaker 1: you know, like when you show up for a job interview.
Speaker 1: You're not gonna go in there and be like, I
Speaker 1: don't want no breaks, I don't want no bonus, I
Speaker 1: don't want this, I don't want that. They're gonna be like, Okay, well,
Speaker 1: we still not gonna give you any of that. But
Speaker 1: the fact that you don't want it now we're thinking
Speaker 1: about maybe I should give this to the next person,
Speaker 1: or not only that, maybe I'll give it to you
Speaker 1: and you're gonna show up and do all the things
Speaker 1: and yeah, liver because you're gonna want me to give
Speaker 1: you those things that. Yeah. So let me ask you
Speaker 1: this because for some reason it's making me think of situationships.
Speaker 1: Do you think that by a women saying she's not
Speaker 1: looking for X y Z that she can possibly end
Speaker 1: up in a situationship because there's not. Like A said,
Speaker 1: I mean, it depends on the woman. Like I feel
Speaker 1: like when you go into a situation and announce what
Speaker 1: you don't want, you're setting your pigeonholing yourself, Like I
Speaker 1: think you should keep that just close to the chest
Speaker 1: so that if you do want to pivot, and if
Speaker 1: you do end up wanting more, then great. It's always
Speaker 1: easier to ask for more and then want less than
Speaker 1: ask for less and then want and want in this
Speaker 1: relationship though, and say, like, you know, even you saying
Speaker 1: that you're not an emotional person or you don't want love,
Speaker 1: I believe you said you don't want you need a kiss,
Speaker 1: you don't need to do intimacy.
Speaker 2: But that was so no, no, no no, So as of
Speaker 2: right now, those are actually why I'm not in these
Speaker 2: casual sex relationships anymore. I absolutely want kissing, I'm saying,
Speaker 2: but from.
Speaker 1: Before, so when I hear you today, I believe you
Speaker 1: about nothing except kids. I think that if the right
Speaker 1: person came in and really changed your life and made
Speaker 1: you feel whole and you see yourself as a and
Speaker 1: and he's on your level, I think that you can
Speaker 1: understand marriage and you'd be like, yeah, why I think
Speaker 1: you might even lock kids. I don't know, maybe not
Speaker 1: like via yourself, like maybe via surrogate. You don't know.
Speaker 2: So I'll be honest with you too in terms of marriage,
Speaker 2: especially now, I think that marriage to me, and we
Speaker 2: can get into what that looks like as well, because
Speaker 2: y'all we got a lawyer, so we talking prenupts and
Speaker 2: all the things. To me, marriage after realistically, this relationship
Speaker 2: with you, the relationship with Bridget, those are partnerships. I
Speaker 2: don't want no more with him, thanks, I ain't gonna
Speaker 2: hold you. The idea of splitting assets, the idea of
Speaker 2: actually really holding out in something that maybe doesn't make
Speaker 2: me feel good in the moment, Like I can walk
Speaker 2: away easier in friendships or boyfriend relationships than I've been
Speaker 2: able to do from.
Speaker 1: You or or Bridge. Maybe that is the idea of
Speaker 1: a bit, maybe with your ex because he wasn't necessarily
Speaker 1: the Krem de la Crem of niggas financially, but if
Speaker 1: he was, you might want married.
Speaker 2: But that's the thing then to me, am I just
Speaker 2: marrying for money? As of right now, I'm in a
Speaker 2: place where you don't have to. I don't have to
Speaker 2: marry for money.
Speaker 1: So here's why you had to make a partnership with me.
Speaker 1: Can't speak for bridget. We're building something amazing and we
Speaker 1: knew it was becoming financially lucrative, and that's why we
Speaker 1: had to do that, and we to this day can't
Speaker 1: even break that because that's how much our shit is worth.
Speaker 1: If one of us wanted to leave, we'd be figuring
Speaker 1: out what the fuck we would do with a small person.
Speaker 1: At my point, if you built a relationship with someone
Speaker 1: and started building an amazing life and building businesses and
Speaker 1: having things that are more than just surface level, you
Speaker 1: may want that marriage. And I imagine how brain works
Speaker 1: with a friend when you build a business.
Speaker 2: And that's my thing. I don't believe in friendships and business.
Speaker 2: I don't believe in like navigating.
Speaker 1: Those podcasts, even you've even made podcast that you produce, Like,
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to get you to see beyond like
Speaker 1: your no as more to your connection with a friend
Speaker 1: is not as deep as the partner that may be
Speaker 1: the one you end up with forever. Right, So if
Speaker 1: you could decide to produce a podcast for friends, or
Speaker 1: decide to get a take a fucking cruise with a
Speaker 1: friend and do a vacation thing and do a club
Speaker 1: night with them. You might come up with something bigger
Speaker 1: and better with the man that's meant to be for you.
Speaker 1: I'm telling you, I think when you meet someone that's
Speaker 1: probably going to be your mate, they're going to fill
Speaker 1: you up way more than your friends that are smart
Speaker 1: and business minded. I mean, that's definitely, that's definitely true.
Speaker 1: I think maybe marriage for you is not right now,
Speaker 1: and that right now may never come. Also right right
Speaker 1: it might. It might be not right now, and you
Speaker 1: say that for the rest of your life, or you
Speaker 1: might meet someone or ten people you never know right
Speaker 1: that make you want to commit, that make you want
Speaker 1: to not be able to easily walk away. Men are
Speaker 1: better than the last men you dated. For like, I
Speaker 1: don't know about that. I don't know about that. I
Speaker 1: don't know.
Speaker 2: But also I know about a lot of Like me
Speaker 2: and my friends talk about all the partners they have,
Speaker 2: some of y'all listen, none of them, niggas is good here.
Speaker 1: There's not one man that any of my friend date
Speaker 1: or that you would want to be what I would
Speaker 1: want to be with. And so even when I look
Speaker 1: back at my ex or any of the men honestly
Speaker 1: throughout my twenties. And I know y'all, y'all are sick
Speaker 1: of hearing about my ex When I look at even
Speaker 1: all of the men that either made me cry that
Speaker 1: I opened my legs too, that I sat here and
Speaker 1: wanted to spend so much time with. When I look
Speaker 1: at literally the like, I wish I could take all
Speaker 1: that shit back. None of them niggas was good.
Speaker 2: I look at a lot of them now, None of
Speaker 2: them nigga would have fulfilled me or made me happy
Speaker 2: and who I am today?
Speaker 1: Like, so to be there, nah, you think do you think?
Speaker 1: Do you do you think there's anyone who's happy? Well?
Speaker 2: Man, So here's the thing. It's not even with And
Speaker 2: I don't, of course want to make this mail back yeah,
Speaker 2: because no, no, no, I don't think it is.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 2: I know there's a lot of queer people that listen
Speaker 2: to right, So in relationships as a whole, I think
Speaker 2: that unfortunately we've gotten to a place where romantic relationships
Speaker 2: have these impossible expectations. I agree, And so that's the problem.
Speaker 2: So when I'm sitting here traveling with my friends, like
Speaker 2: I just spent a fucking week in Abu Dhabi and
Speaker 2: it was fucking amazing.
Speaker 1: And what if you met a man that would buy
Speaker 1: the grip with you in Abu Dhabi? I mean, but
Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying. So that's still okay. Cool. Let
Speaker 1: me sit here and get a sugar dady, let me
Speaker 1: see here and make a transactional relationship.
Speaker 2: That's fine. But when I sit here and think about
Speaker 2: the the unrealistic expectations of a partner, and most romantically,
Speaker 2: it's emotionally, it's financially it's you sit here and give
Speaker 2: this person X amount of time to do you wrong.
Speaker 1: Mind you a friend fuck up? One time you cut
Speaker 1: them out, You cut them out. There's just all of
Speaker 1: these things. And also you don't want to share a
Speaker 1: romantic partner. You have these jealousies and these emotions that
Speaker 1: you don't realize this with family or friends.
Speaker 2: To me, those those types of relationships really are confusing
Speaker 2: to me now because when I sit here and talk
Speaker 2: to my friends about it, I'm like, why are we
Speaker 2: doing this? Why are we suggesting subjecting ourselves? Well, what's
Speaker 2: the other option?
Speaker 1: If you are a woman who wants marriage and children,
Speaker 1: what is our other option but to subject ourselves to
Speaker 1: the bullshit. But also there's I love my work, like
Speaker 1: I feel like I have amazing job, jobs whatever, like
Speaker 1: nothing good comes without bullshit. No, I agree, agree, right,
Speaker 1: so like I expect that it won't be worse. I agree,
Speaker 1: And I think like our grandma's generation was so bad
Speaker 1: where they were getting their ass bet every day, and
Speaker 1: then I think one thing a new generation always does
Speaker 1: is we swing the pendulum so far to the right
Speaker 1: because we want to get away from this. And so
Speaker 1: we've swung the pendulum so far to the right where
Speaker 1: we're like, oh, he does this cut him off, Like
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be like my mom. I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: be like my grandma. And it's like, you know, there's
Speaker 1: a middle ground. There's a middle ground, and we keep
Speaker 1: doing this. It's the same thing that we did with
Speaker 1: the whole like feminist movement. Right bitches over here, we're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't I want to go to work, Like I
Speaker 1: don't want to sit at home and make sandwiches. We
Speaker 1: swung the pendulum so far to the right, being like
Speaker 1: oh no, like now now everybody wants to stay at home.
Speaker 1: Now everybody wants to rely on me. It's like we
Speaker 1: can't seem to sit in a middle ground. We can't
Speaker 1: seem to say, well, the reason why those women wanted
Speaker 1: to go to work was because they couldn't fucking own
Speaker 1: property or have a bank account without a man. And
Speaker 1: the reason you bitches want to sit at home is
Speaker 1: because going to work and working in nine to five
Speaker 1: is not built for the female. You know, body, why
Speaker 1: don't we find something in the middle ground and try
Speaker 1: to find careers that fulfill us and that inspire us.
Speaker 1: And you know, we can't make our money. But men
Speaker 1: still are chivalrous and they're still masculine in all of that.
Speaker 2: So do you lean into the patriarchy as a woman
Speaker 2: who's a lawyer. Yeah, I don't know what your middle
Speaker 2: ground is to how you've been able to achieve professional success. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but you've also been able to be very much into
Speaker 2: your divine femininity to where you're not a masculine woman present.
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, your relationship you are. I actually disagree.
Speaker 2: I think that your videos have ella masculine energy. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but in a good way.
Speaker 1: Well, like the videos are one thing I'm talking about
Speaker 1: in her relationship. Maybe the relationship, but I was gonna say,
Speaker 1: you definitely give me like to me, that's why that's
Speaker 1: why you see the comments where dudes are mad, they
Speaker 1: don't get mad at the girls that have the soft attitude. Especially.
Speaker 1: There's a video I like of you as I'm trying
Speaker 1: to think, it's fresh on my mind because I look
Speaker 1: this morning, you're in a workout outfit. Yeah, I'm talking
Speaker 1: about your body looks amazing, beaut Okay, yes, anyway, you
Speaker 1: know you guys tell me I don't know this, Like
Speaker 1: I'm a layers two times anyway, and then you go
Speaker 1: back into it and it's like it's so strong that
Speaker 1: I feel like men even when they're looking at you,
Speaker 1: be beautiful. You were in your kitchen, yeah, look dainty. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Just the assertiveness is masculinity to me. Well, to me,
Speaker 1: the assertiveness is femininity. So to me, it's like, I
Speaker 1: think right now, the way that things are being portrayed
Speaker 1: as masculine is strong in your face, assertive, right, and
Speaker 1: feminine is thinky and quiet and speaks like this, And
Speaker 1: I just I don't, I don't. I don't believe that.
Speaker 1: I think feminine is being strong, but being strong like
Speaker 1: having this internal strength, right, and I think masculine is
Speaker 1: a little bit more. I think it's like a roughness
Speaker 1: that that isn't quite strategic, that isn't quite tailored. But
Speaker 1: I think to be a strong woman and to be
Speaker 1: assertive is to be extremely feminine. And the reason why
Speaker 1: I want to push back on that is because for
Speaker 1: so long we've lived in a society where the feminine
Speaker 1: woman was the dainty, quiet woman. And what that's done
Speaker 1: is it has made white women be extremely feminine, and
Speaker 1: Black women and women of color be considered extremely because
Speaker 1: they're assertive, because they're loud, because or they're exactly what
Speaker 1: they want. Right. So I want to push back on
Speaker 1: this notion of what is feminine and what is masculine,
Speaker 1: and this idea that like the strong and the quiet
Speaker 1: are the two worlds that we have to do. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: I am a feminine spoken woman. Yeah, who will like
Speaker 1: fuck you up, period, you know what I mean? That's
Speaker 1: who I am, Like I'm and and everyone. The way
Speaker 1: that I am in my relationship is kind of a
Speaker 1: mixture of that. Like I am feminine. I mean, you
Speaker 1: have to understand, I was raised in a Middle Eastern culture,
Speaker 1: in a Middle Eastern household. What does that mean? That
Speaker 1: means literally, from the time that I was a child.
Speaker 1: Everything I've done, everything that I was pushed to do,
Speaker 1: was not to be great individually, but to be great
Speaker 1: in order for a man to pick me for me'ron. Okay,
Speaker 1: So like Middle Eastern Muslim household, you're just you're raised
Speaker 1: to be a wife. Not every culture raises women to
Speaker 1: be a wife, but you're raised to be a wife
Speaker 1: from from the very beginning. You're like, let me go
Speaker 1: to law school and get degrees. Not because I just
Speaker 1: fucking am so excited to be a lawyer, but because
Speaker 1: that's just going to increase That's what. That's where I'll
Speaker 1: meet a man and that will increase my value and
Speaker 1: potential of them finding a greater man. What were the
Speaker 1: what were culturally the sexual like I don't know the
Speaker 1: views maybe when you were growing up, because I know
Speaker 1: with black women it's always like you're moving too fast
Speaker 1: or this or that or like the thing that we're
Speaker 1: not supposed to you know, do when we're growing up.
Speaker 1: But what was it in Middle Eastern culture? Like I mean,
Speaker 1: you're not supposed to do shit. We person you run,
Speaker 1: You're not supposed to be doing shit. And I was
Speaker 1: I was just a bad kid, like I've I had
Speaker 1: a growth spur from sixth grade to seventh grade. So
Speaker 1: I've been damn near six feet tall since I was
Speaker 1: thirteen years old. I've looked exactly the same. The only
Speaker 1: thing that's changed is my nose because I've got two
Speaker 1: rundo plasties. But other than that, I've just looked exactly
Speaker 1: the same. And you weren't allowed to do anything, you know,
Speaker 1: like and I grew up in that household where my
Speaker 1: mother wears the hit job, so we come from a
Speaker 1: very religious household. When I was nine years old, I
Speaker 1: decided I wanted to wear the hit job so I
Speaker 1: could be like, you know, I'm a little girl. I
Speaker 1: want to be just like my mom. It coincides a
Speaker 1: nine to eleven, so I'm getting teased at school and
Speaker 1: I come home and I tell my parents, yeah, about
Speaker 1: that hit job, like I don't want to wear that anymore,
Speaker 1: and they're like, no, no, you can't change your mind.
Speaker 1: And I was like, you can't change your mind. I
Speaker 1: can't change my mind. So from the time I was
Speaker 1: twelve thirteen, I'm going to school like low Ki burk
Speaker 1: it out and then I'm changing into the smallest mini
Speaker 1: skirt and I'm like I'm a fast little girl. At
Speaker 1: the time, I'm not telling people I'm twelve thirteen. I'm
Speaker 1: going meeting guys in college who are seventeen eighteen, and
Speaker 1: I'm doing the things. And it was bad. It got.
Speaker 1: It got so bad that the way my dad found
Speaker 1: out about everything, who and imagine he thinks I'm like
Speaker 1: a good girl who's wearing a hit job. My mother
Speaker 1: had a trip planned to Iran. He goes and drops
Speaker 1: her off at the airport, and my little twelve thirteen
Speaker 1: year old mind, I calculated that I had more time
Speaker 1: than I actually did. Me and my little home best friend.
Speaker 1: She comes over. We invite two guys who are college
Speaker 1: football players. She's having full on sex with one in bed,
Speaker 1: and I'm damn near naked. In a song, my dad
Speaker 1: walks in, Ohls, my Middle Eastern Muslim father walks in
Speaker 1: and drops to his knees with black girl. Yes they
Speaker 1: were black. So I just wanted to know because I
Speaker 1: know it's worse and what happened, I mean, it was
Speaker 1: just like a pause for a second. And my dad's
Speaker 1: a big dude. My dad's six or four. My dad
Speaker 1: was a bodybuilder. He trained with Arnold, So I get
Speaker 1: the fuck out of here, and the guys they run out,
Speaker 1: And the next day my parents took me to a
Speaker 1: doctor to see if I was a vision or not.
Speaker 1: Oh wait not then to pull on the TI on you.
Speaker 1: And the wild part is I had never had sex, y'all.
Speaker 1: I had never had sex. Okay, but your hymen can
Speaker 1: rip in a variety of fucking ways.
Speaker 2: And I will say that was that is one of
Speaker 2: the myths that if you're in like anywhere from your
Speaker 2: earth on, the idea was if your hymen was broken,
Speaker 2: you had to have sex.
Speaker 1: We now know you could do from riding a bike
Speaker 1: from from I'll be honest, I think that even today
Speaker 1: that same propaganda's push though I don't think that in
Speaker 1: schools they're teaching that, Like, no, they're not. But I
Speaker 1: think that I think our generation that you're cherry popping,
Speaker 1: cherry popping like it's something that we're all expecting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you have to understand, I never, like, I never bled,
Speaker 1: and I also used to think that whenever your cherry pops,
Speaker 1: you bleed. But there's hymens that don't bleed you could
Speaker 1: rip into. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I think the first time that I had actually was
Speaker 2: the first day of my period. So I bled like
Speaker 2: for three days after I lost my virginity. But I
Speaker 2: think it's because my period just came on and at
Speaker 2: that point I wasn't tracking when it came, like you
Speaker 2: didn't have like the same idea of being in tune
Speaker 2: with your body. So where I thought my cherry pops,
Speaker 2: I bled like a period didn't day. So I never
Speaker 2: really correlated that.
Speaker 1: Oh I remember. I remember the feeling. It felt like
Speaker 1: a pop. It was it could have been diction, I
Speaker 1: mean addiction, dictionary, definition. It was like everything about it
Speaker 1: and it was a stream that came out and then
Speaker 1: it was finished. It was crazy. Oh oh yeah, No
Speaker 1: that I didn't have that. I didn't have that experience. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: but my dad took me and you know, it's against
Speaker 1: the fucking law. Like wait, what's against the law. You're
Speaker 1: not you're not you're not supposed to be taking your
Speaker 1: daughter and like a lawyers asking whether or not her
Speaker 1: hymen is ripped, like you have to low ki, make
Speaker 1: a doctor tell you that you can't. That's a I
Speaker 1: don't know how t I did it, but I know
Speaker 1: in California where I was at the time, they had
Speaker 1: to tell the doctor like I remember the doctor distinctly
Speaker 1: telling them I'm not allowed to share this information with you,
Speaker 1: and they were like, you know the doctor was also Persian.
Speaker 1: They're like, come on, bro, like what's up. And she
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, her hymen's ripped. And I looked at
Speaker 1: the bitch, like, my hymen's ripped. I went home that
Speaker 1: day and and they just even though even though I
Speaker 1: had never had sex, dude, I didn't even believe I
Speaker 1: was eighteen. No, still to this day, my parents don't
Speaker 1: fucking believe me. And I went home. My daddy, your
Speaker 1: best friend, I know she was. She was getting getting
Speaker 1: down and I wasn't. My thongb so I contact booze
Speaker 1: Yo soil evidence. My best friend growing up was Persian.
Speaker 1: Is it can I say Persian? Yeah? Okay, because some
Speaker 1: people say running yeah so everybody. I don't know if
Speaker 1: it's because it's like they look Latina but they're but
Speaker 1: there's a more exotic look. Black men go crazy for
Speaker 1: Middle Eastern girls. Like in my high school, I remember
Speaker 1: maybe five girls and I was like, why are they
Speaker 1: always get fucked? And I'm not, but they all say
Speaker 1: we would go and sneak around to like city Walk.
Speaker 1: It was this place in universe. So we'd go meet
Speaker 1: the boys, go to the club, come home. Yeah, her
Speaker 1: mom came in there, slapped the ship out of her,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, am I in this too.
Speaker 1: And I remember her mom specifically talking about how she
Speaker 1: was supposed to be with someone else, and I think,
Speaker 1: even and I'm only thirty two, she had an arranged
Speaker 1: marriage like ready now she ended up not getting married,
Speaker 1: but I remember her telling me like, oh, like me
Speaker 1: going on and looking at boys is not what my
Speaker 1: family wants. They're yeah, you don't. You don't do that,
Speaker 1: like you go through the traditional route of suitors come
Speaker 1: to your house. Yeah, tell us about that. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean it were these suitors, like people in your freaking community,
Speaker 1: Like okay, on a billboard what they do? No, it's
Speaker 1: like think about you got you got your little aunts,
Speaker 1: you know, not your real aunts. And they have sons,
Speaker 1: you know, and you go to like someone's wedding or
Speaker 1: someone's party and they and they see you and they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: she's she's pretty, like she would be great for your son. Whatever,
Speaker 1: and the entire family with the boys shows up to
Speaker 1: your house with gifts and whatever, and asks for your
Speaker 1: hand in marriage, being like Bridgitton, how you met them
Speaker 1: before at this point? Yeah, I mean in that like
Speaker 1: in in Iran right now and like the small villages, no,
Speaker 1: it'll be your first time meeting them. But in more
Speaker 1: recent modern times, yeah, it's like sometimes it's it's your man,
Speaker 1: but the families don't know hold so like they literally
Speaker 1: come okay, how many like is it? I mean it
Speaker 1: depends on how like and how suitable you are, and
Speaker 1: it depends like again where you are. So if you're
Speaker 1: in Iran, you start getting them at like fifteen sixteen,
Speaker 1: suit of the fifteen and how old are the men
Speaker 1: are they also fifteen sixteen or they're like nineteen twenty. Oh,
Speaker 1: some girls get grown men. It depends on like your
Speaker 1: value and like your package. If you're a girl who
Speaker 1: comes from a more impoverished family, you're not highly educated.
Speaker 1: Whatever your family is trying to marry you off into
Speaker 1: a higher into locum, into loki, whatever family will take you,
Speaker 1: because the finances are they get shifted over there. Right
Speaker 1: So in like some very very traditional extremists, it's like
Speaker 1: the daughters are fifteen sixteen and they're getting wet off
Speaker 1: to like thirty thirty five five year old men. Now
Speaker 1: in more modern times like today, there's a lot of
Speaker 1: boys that I grew up with, you know, just by
Speaker 1: virtue of going to the mosque, going to like different occasions,
Speaker 1: and I'm seeing the guys, and my mom is meeting
Speaker 1: their mom their mom, and so now all of our
Speaker 1: families are friends. Now we want to marry within one another.
Speaker 1: And so the moms aren't stupid, Like if they see
Speaker 1: if she knows that her son likes me, and if
Speaker 1: it's obvious that I like her son, then they're like,
Speaker 1: why don't we go about it the right way? And
Speaker 1: they show up to your house and the hands for
Speaker 1: you for your hand in marriage, and this happens over
Speaker 1: and over again until you say yes. Damn, how many
Speaker 1: times have you been proposed to? Five? JAYZ? Five is
Speaker 1: a lot? And what makes you as how you can
Speaker 1: say no? Then clearly you can say no. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: could say no as many times. I mean I started
Speaker 1: getting suitors when I was like seventeen eighteen, just hearing
Speaker 1: the words suitors. I mean I honestly, when I was younger,
Speaker 1: I was like, this is whack. I want to go date,
Speaker 1: Like I if I could go back. I would do
Speaker 1: the suitors thing. It's a gettom out here is a
Speaker 1: fucking ghetto bro. At least you know, this man is
Speaker 1: shown up with intention right with his family. So what
Speaker 1: he's gonna disrespect you after he came and looked your
Speaker 1: mom and dad in the eye day one. No he's not.
Speaker 1: They do and you know they still do. They still do.
Speaker 1: They still do? They still do? They still do. But
Speaker 1: like the chances are low lower and at least the
Speaker 1: timeline that you're on, you're not sitting around. Is he
Speaker 1: going to propose? Is he not going to propose? I
Speaker 1: like it, And maybe this is just the way I
Speaker 1: was raised off the bat, I know you want to
Speaker 1: marry me, and then it's just a matter of whether
Speaker 1: or not I want to marry you. Back. Did any
Speaker 1: of those suitors already have wives? Because a lot of
Speaker 1: so when you're where your Persians don't do that. Don't
Speaker 1: do the multiple wives? Okay, So do I don't black
Speaker 1: I don't. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, it is mym
Speaker 1: I don't. And I don't want to generalize, generalize and
Speaker 1: say no Persians do that because there are a lot
Speaker 1: of there's like loop marriages, Okay, temporary marriages in Iran
Speaker 1: that a lot of guys do engage in with. But
Speaker 1: it's not traditional for Persians to have multiple wives. Okay,
Speaker 1: so it's more of like a broader Muslim concept. But
Speaker 1: I want to readily practice in Iran as growing up
Speaker 1: knowing like this is what you know my life should be,
Speaker 1: Like I should be meeting the married guy. I mean
Speaker 1: not meeting the married guy. Yeah, you know, meeting people
Speaker 1: want to marry, meeting someone just out in the open,
Speaker 1: which I'm assuming you met your partner life right, like
Speaker 1: in the real world. Yeah, what standards? Do you think
Speaker 1: that maybe even your upbringing made him feel more pressure.
Speaker 1: I mean from the moment I met him, I said,
Speaker 1: do you have six months? I was married before, right,
Speaker 1: So I got married when I was twenty years old. Okay,
Speaker 1: I went back to Iran. My parents were like, you
Speaker 1: need to marry a Persian Muslim guy. And keep in mind,
Speaker 1: my grandfather is from Ghana, so like we do, but
Speaker 1: it's Iran. They don't want to admit that. Like I
Speaker 1: watch all my aunts get their skin bleach, like the
Speaker 1: concept of even talking about us being black. Like from
Speaker 1: the time I was young, I would tell my mom like, hey, Mom, like,
Speaker 1: I don't look like the other Persian girls, Like it's
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like what's going on here?
Speaker 1: Because they, yeah, they don't, they don't. They don't like
Speaker 1: to you said, no, Ghana, they would. They don't like
Speaker 1: to really admit that they're black, right, And that's that's
Speaker 1: a whole other issue that they don't like to admit.
Speaker 1: But there's a lot of Afro Persians, like a lot,
Speaker 1: a lot, right, I've met a few, there's a lot.
Speaker 1: So anyway, I go to Iran and I'm like, I
Speaker 1: gotta just find something that's middle ground because my parents
Speaker 1: want me to be with a Persian Muslim guy. I don't,
Speaker 1: so let me find one with tattoos who's like kind
Speaker 1: of a hood dude. Like, I don't know, I gotta
Speaker 1: find something in the middle and I and I found
Speaker 1: a guy who was I was twenty, he was twenty five.
Speaker 1: He was tatted up, and like, you wanted something more American,
Speaker 1: did you feel? Like? Yeah, I wanted something a little
Speaker 1: bit more western and modern and modern. I wanted to
Speaker 1: get away from my parents and making me wear a hijob.
Speaker 1: That's like the only thing that I was focused on okay,
Speaker 1: And in a lot of these households, it's like transfer
Speaker 1: of ownership from like your dad to your man. And
Speaker 1: I was like, I'd rather go to you know, a
Speaker 1: new owner that that's gonna be. That's gonna let me
Speaker 1: do more shit right now. I could drink, now, I
Speaker 1: could party, now, I could not wear hit job whatever.
Speaker 1: So when I when I met my current partner, I
Speaker 1: was just like, I don't really believe in the dating shit,
Speaker 1: Like I really don't. If I were to do it again,
Speaker 1: I would run the same play. I don't believe in dating.
Speaker 1: I think it's so fucking stupid. I think it's time consuming.
Speaker 1: I think it always benefits men more than women because
Speaker 1: I think we live in a society. I mean, I
Speaker 1: think if you ask the fucking right questions, what the
Speaker 1: fuck are we if we're grown, if we're over thirty,
Speaker 1: what are we talking about? Bro? What are we talking about? So?
Speaker 1: What does the conversation look like? Talk about it? Okay,
Speaker 1: what are your views? Let me pull out my notes.
Speaker 1: I'm currently dating, so let me write this down. What
Speaker 1: are your views? Their views on religion? That's a big one.
Speaker 1: I mean, if you go to any if you go
Speaker 1: to any therapist. If you go to any therapist, they
Speaker 1: say there's five reasons why people separate. So it's like,
Speaker 1: just take those five reasons and work backwards. What are
Speaker 1: your views on fucking religion? What are your views on parents?
Speaker 1: And how involved your parents need to be in our lives?
Speaker 1: And what fucking mommy daddy issues do you have? And
Speaker 1: if you don't know what mommy daddy issues you have,
Speaker 1: why don't you and go figure the fuck out? Because
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to deal with your EDIU complex you
Speaker 1: over here either wanting to fuck your mom secretly internally
Speaker 1: and or hate your mom and take it out on women,
Speaker 1: like I'm not trying to deal with that. Talk about finances,
Speaker 1: what role do you think I play in finances? What
Speaker 1: role do you play in finances? Should we have a budget? Like?
Speaker 1: Is this an allowance situation? You know? Talk about that,
Speaker 1: talk about having children, timeline of children, how do you
Speaker 1: want to raise children? Raise your child? You have that
Speaker 1: ask you hold, Well, if you've been dating someone for
Speaker 1: how many years you're gonna talking to the mic? Come on,
Speaker 1: act like you'd be on a podcast? How long for
Speaker 1: those questions that she just said? How long did it
Speaker 1: take for you to know all those answers. What's pretty simple.
Speaker 1: So like I initially I knew that everything.
Speaker 2: Needed to focus on that was there, and then I
Speaker 2: just needed a little bit more time, maybe like maybe
Speaker 2: like six months, and it.
Speaker 1: Was like, okay, you know why I wanted to ask that.
Speaker 1: I was really curious as to people that have been
Speaker 1: together for longer and three years to me as long
Speaker 1: if they knew that early. I think you find out
Speaker 1: really early. I think the reason why people then delay
Speaker 1: it is because committing to someone for the rest of
Speaker 1: your life is a long fucking time and it's a
Speaker 1: hard thing to do. So if I'm a man and
Speaker 1: I could just I could push that commitment off for
Speaker 1: a little bit and still have the option to walk away,
Speaker 1: why the fuck would I not take up that option?
Speaker 1: Why would I? If you know that you are if
Speaker 1: you if you sign a contract right, you could sign
Speaker 1: it today or you could sign it in two years
Speaker 1: where you gonna keep getting the benefits of the contract.
Speaker 1: Why would you sign it today now by yourself? That
Speaker 1: we've heard Tom and Tommigan from men and women, yeah
Speaker 1: that are trying to advise people in dating or marriage
Speaker 1: that conversations like these scare people off. Yeah, commitment folks, now,
Speaker 1: but I mean that's on a first date. I mean yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean don't go in there and be like, whoa,
Speaker 1: what's up? You know what I mean? Like what are
Speaker 1: your views on marriage? What are your views on joke? Like,
Speaker 1: like you gotta be you gotta have some finesse to it,
Speaker 1: you know, like eat the fucking food.
Speaker 2: You know, what's your favorite the fucking drink?
Speaker 1: Like what's your favorite football team? Like? And that you
Speaker 1: you got to just know a way to navigate and
Speaker 1: weave questions in because also you don't want to let
Speaker 1: people know that you're about to ask this intense question
Speaker 1: and they give you a miss America answer. You want
Speaker 1: their true, authentic respond When do you know you're no
Speaker 1: longer getting the representative because men are gonna show up
Speaker 1: and sure to give you the answers they know that
Speaker 1: you want to hear, but that may not even be
Speaker 1: who they are. How do you lean? I mean, that's
Speaker 1: the truth of the matter is you could do everything
Speaker 1: right and still and it's still in those bulls right,
Speaker 1: and you could do everything wrong and it's a lie.
Speaker 1: It Okay, we might get an accident because the other
Speaker 1: person sucks up. We I think at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, as a woman, you can only do so much, okay,
Speaker 1: and you can't blame yourself if shit goes left, Like
Speaker 1: you have to you have to just be true to
Speaker 1: yourself and and do the things that you know you're
Speaker 1: supposed to do. And then if it doesn't work out, dude,
Speaker 1: fuck it, fuck it, who cares? Fuck it? It didn't
Speaker 1: work out? Next there is always a net now or
Speaker 1: or or like figure it out there. But like, you
Speaker 1: can't sit around blame yourself, like, oh, I was so stupid.
Speaker 1: I was so stupid. I was so stupid. Like I've
Speaker 1: had so many relationships where I've sat there for so
Speaker 1: long and blame myself, like I was so stupid. I
Speaker 1: embarrassed myself. I did this and this, and I look
Speaker 1: back and I'm like and what and what? Like I
Speaker 1: figured it out or I didn't, but and what right
Speaker 1: I'm gonna sit here and blame myself for a man's actions.
Speaker 1: M Why would I fucking do that.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna sit here and I meant myself forget to
Speaker 2: blame game myself for staying in.
Speaker 1: Something that I knew wasn't healthy. That's too long it
Speaker 1: goes that. But yeah, like take responsibility when you go
Speaker 1: from victim to volunteer, take responsibility for that. But also
Speaker 1: like sitting around berating yourself, other people gonna do that
Speaker 1: for you. You don't you know, you don't do it
Speaker 1: for you. And and just people can't wait to remind you.
Speaker 1: People can't wait to see someone who's doing wealth fall
Speaker 1: because it makes them feel finally like they are they
Speaker 1: are close in power to you. Oh girl, I know,
Speaker 1: I know the people.
Speaker 2: It was happy when I started going through my turmoil
Speaker 2: because I was in in bliss the whole first year.
Speaker 1: They're like, no way, this man is this person and
Speaker 1: people don't like that. And then I don't think that
Speaker 1: people want to see you you you and pain. I
Speaker 1: think I think people probably felt like maybe you were
Speaker 1: out of touch for a moment because you were so
Speaker 1: in love.
Speaker 2: But also but also he showed up. I'm the person
Speaker 2: though where where I see friends and I know people
Speaker 2: who are dating somebody five months in, they're like, we
Speaker 2: need therapy together what so to me, there's also this
Speaker 2: false sense that you can actually be in a honeymoon
Speaker 2: phase for longer than three months or six months, and
Speaker 2: the fact that of course my honeymoon phase was a
Speaker 2: year long. But also it might have been out of
Speaker 2: touch because I met him in a pandemic. Nothing was
Speaker 2: normal during the pandemic, so where literally we didn't have
Speaker 2: all of the outside things, My schedule wasn't busy, all
Speaker 2: of the things that it was just initially affected the
Speaker 2: relationship happened when the world opened back.
Speaker 1: Also, I think as a podcaster, it's like people will
Speaker 1: hold you accountable to the thing you said last week.
Speaker 1: So for you to turn into someone who's like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, my boyfriend's perfect, that's what true. He was perfect,
Speaker 1: That's what I mean. But I look like it has
Speaker 1: to do with people to see him paint. I'm just
Speaker 1: trying to oh no, no, no no.
Speaker 2: But also, if we're coming in here recording a month
Speaker 2: where the content.
Speaker 1: In two days, yes, the way even we do it
Speaker 1: is but.
Speaker 2: Like y'all, y'all were getting my moods in two days
Speaker 2: spread out for a month, and you know what I mean, Wolf,
Speaker 2: So even if maybe we had a little bump in
Speaker 2: the road, by the time we come back into the
Speaker 2: studio and then they've resolved it, I've resolved it and
Speaker 2: I'm back in bliss or if y'all heard me fucking crying.
Speaker 2: There's weeks where I've cried, and it looks like I'm
Speaker 2: crying for a whole month.
Speaker 1: Bitch. We came in here two days.
Speaker 2: And recorded a month worth of content, and my emotions
Speaker 2: within a certain timeframe are going to be very similar.
Speaker 1: But this is what I'm saying. You're allowed to be wrong. Oh,
Speaker 1: You're allowed to be wrong at a man. You're allowed
Speaker 1: to be wrong about a situation. You're You're allowed to
Speaker 1: be fucking wrong because you're a human and you can
Speaker 1: only go off of what's being shown to you, right, Like,
Speaker 1: what what were you supposed to do? Come in and
Speaker 1: be like, I'm happy, but I'm skeptic, Like that's not
Speaker 1: feel weird talking about that. I'm talking about previous dating views,
Speaker 1: and that's what I mean about when you meet someone
Speaker 1: that changes your view. You were not the girl you
Speaker 1: were in a relationship. I'm not going to let you
Speaker 1: skate by that bro you turned. I also taught our
Speaker 1: relationship girlfriendy I'm cooking, but.
Speaker 2: Also again the day to day, but it's not the
Speaker 2: man that changed me.
Speaker 1: And that's the thing. I've been in therapy now for
Speaker 1: two years. Let's be very clear how I view myself.
Speaker 1: I got my degree, I got two degrees, and I
Speaker 1: talked about I felt worthless in my twenties.
Speaker 2: I didn't cook, I led with sex, I wasn't confident
Speaker 2: because of my body. The way I valued myself is
Speaker 2: completely different than now. It's completely different than when I
Speaker 2: was in my relationship. Do you think that he was
Speaker 2: then the catalyst to showing you.
Speaker 1: You to me?
Speaker 2: To me, it was seeing value and now being so
Speaker 2: comfortable in my body, to being able to afford and
Speaker 2: not go into a relationship Transactionally, I finally felt value
Speaker 2: in being able to like a man because I liked him,
Speaker 2: not because of what he could provide. Again, through therapy,
Speaker 2: I worked on setting boundaries. I worked on communication. You said,
Speaker 2: my communication has gotten better. I have genuinely through the
Speaker 2: pandemic after graduating, leaving my career, and focusing on building
Speaker 2: myself professionally and personally, I genuinely feel like a better
Speaker 2: person and so to me even though he was able
Speaker 2: to receive that. That's where I've also been in this
Speaker 2: weird place with casual sex and just letting any guy
Speaker 2: come into my life because I'm like, oh wait, I'm
Speaker 2: actually a good motherfucking catch.
Speaker 1: I just had not heard you speak that way until him.
Speaker 1: But again, that's why I said that. But that's not
Speaker 1: that I didn't know you. But that's where I get
Speaker 1: a degree a well. But that's where I want to
Speaker 1: be very clear. That man did not make me a
Speaker 1: better person. I would't say you're a good person because well,
Speaker 1: and I'm not. I'm just saying all of these reasons again.
Speaker 2: My degree therapy over the last two and a half years,
Speaker 2: me working on myself is now why I feel like
Speaker 2: I showed up as a better partner for him. So
Speaker 2: when I sit here and literally cry and be like, damn,
Speaker 2: how the fuck did I still get fucked over when
Speaker 2: I was showing up as the best version of myself?
Speaker 2: That's why I'm beating myself too.
Speaker 1: Damn.
Speaker 2: Even me showing up as the best version of myself
Speaker 2: didn't give me the result of a menagure.
Speaker 1: But I wanted you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: You know, the way I showed up to him had
Speaker 2: a lot to do with myself work. And I think
Speaker 2: that a lot of women ship shipped in shape who
Speaker 2: they are in relationships without doing the self work, which
Speaker 2: is why now I'm having a hard time fucking dating
Speaker 2: because oh, you don't want to work.
Speaker 1: You're telling you there's too sometimes therapy. I said this
Speaker 1: a few weeks ago. Oh yeah, I agree, like healing,
Speaker 1: you got to cut it off at a certain points
Speaker 1: because now you not you're too healed. And every time
Speaker 1: somebody says something, you're like, well that doesn't work for me,
Speaker 1: and you're rejecting. I could see from what your talk
Speaker 1: too much. I'm like, you know when you can talk
Speaker 1: to someone and you're like, you must have just got
Speaker 1: out of the session again, oh yeah, or people who
Speaker 1: just got out of like a retreat. Like it's like like,
Speaker 1: as a man that's on the tail end of his therapy,
Speaker 1: I feel that, please don't get me. Well, I also
Speaker 1: say this like I and it's become this hype, right, Oh,
Speaker 1: we want a man in therapy, won't we want a
Speaker 1: man in therapy. We got to be really careful because
Speaker 1: there's some trash ass therapists out there and what they have.
Speaker 1: They got these narcissistic men going to therapy and they're
Speaker 1: lying to these therapists about because the therapy is about
Speaker 1: your version of the ourself in for a second, for
Speaker 1: the men listening. Yes, I've been meeting a lot of
Speaker 1: narcissistic women, and I'm almost exhausted with the narcissistic men bullshit.
Speaker 1: There are psychotic women out there. I'm just not dating them,
Speaker 1: so I don't know them. No, I'm in reality. I
Speaker 1: think we're overdosed with narcissistic male content, yes, and not
Speaker 1: enough narcissistic women. But the point is these people are
Speaker 1: our friends, our sisters, our moms and coworkers. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: then we sit there listening to this fucking bullshit from
Speaker 1: them and don't even realize. I agree, we should be
Speaker 1: learning the same skills when we're watching that video clip
Speaker 1: of someone being a narcissistic man and how to deal
Speaker 1: with them or whatever. I don't think we're seeing it
Speaker 1: the other way. And I think the issue now is
Speaker 1: women are almost feeling so empowered by seeing this one
Speaker 1: piece of content, but now they're fucking putting that shit
Speaker 1: out into the world. And some of it comes from
Speaker 1: the I'm holding myself at this tier of person. A
Speaker 1: lot of that narcissistic shit that men have is feeling
Speaker 1: like their self worth is inflated, and I've been seeing
Speaker 1: women do it way done.
Speaker 2: Women are doing the same thing. One maybe four. Now
Speaker 2: I'm gonna just say three, so y'all can't three. Three
Speaker 2: of my homegirls recently had their phones gone through niggas
Speaker 2: is out here going through phones, laptops, Apple watches.
Speaker 1: All of these holes was cheating and.
Speaker 2: All of them went to the men, who literally are
Speaker 2: upset that you invY my prophecies, you know. All of
Speaker 2: their response was well, I trusted you, and you sat
Speaker 2: here and went through my things. All of the women
Speaker 2: answered the same way and gas lit the men who
Speaker 2: are sitting here seeing them entertain other men, on dating apps,
Speaker 2: on seeking arrangement, fucking other people, also talking shit about
Speaker 2: them to the.
Speaker 1: Oh, this is the one I want to talk about
Speaker 1: BDD and I that's what they said. Who's a dude
Speaker 1: off for years? Right? He said, I need to ask
Speaker 1: you this question because I feel like you're gonna give
Speaker 1: me the most honest answer. Why the fuck two women
Speaker 1: talk shit about men that they're actually into. Why do
Speaker 1: you go in the group chat and you fucking downplace? Oh? Yeah, yeah, no, No,
Speaker 1: I think I think I think we have to be
Speaker 1: so careful because if I'm coming to you every day
Speaker 1: and being like my man is in shit, My man
Speaker 1: is in shit, My man is a ship. And then
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, why don't you respect my man? Why
Speaker 1: don't you respect my relationship? Well, all I do is
Speaker 1: talk about you don't respect him? Yes, And also like
Speaker 1: I know, I go home and I have sex and
Speaker 1: the oxytocin reminds me how great he is. But you
Speaker 1: don't have that experience. So I'm just ruining your view
Speaker 1: of someone over and over and over again. I also think,
Speaker 1: if someone is that horrible where you're talking about the
Speaker 1: bro when I tell you I ate for three years.
Speaker 1: Every time I would get in a little fun, little shit,
Speaker 1: I would tell But for the most part I was like,
Speaker 1: I am not about to walk in parade around. We
Speaker 1: were living in Mexico together, bitch, I was enjoying my life,
Speaker 1: was he not shiit? No, But I'm gonna tell y'all
Speaker 1: that we're having a ball. You don't want a beach.
Speaker 1: And the older the older you get, the more you
Speaker 1: realize how many women are actually with anight shit dudes,
Speaker 1: but you don't know about it.
Speaker 2: Well, not only well, not only that, Let's be very clear,
Speaker 2: a lot of women aren't admitting to themselves how ancient
Speaker 2: they are in their relationships as precisely. So literally, if
Speaker 2: you're sitting here telling me all these things, yet bitch.
Speaker 1: I know you, I know you cheating on him, I
Speaker 1: know you talking to another nick. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So also, why are you holding this idea of this
Speaker 2: faithful man when you're not faithful. So there's a lot
Speaker 2: of ways in which women are feeling to show up
Speaker 2: in the relationships the way that they want their partners.
Speaker 1: I think women aren't faithful because they want to keep
Speaker 1: the roster bro most women I know today. It makes
Speaker 1: sense a little bit because like our entire view of
Speaker 1: relationships is like fully centered on infidelity when there's so
Speaker 1: many other ways you could betray a person boom, right,
Speaker 1: but tell us tell it like our society And I
Speaker 1: get why, but our society is so focused on like
Speaker 1: infidelity being like the big headline thing. But there are
Speaker 1: so many ways you could like neglect a person, you
Speaker 1: could over a person, you could emotionally starve a person
Speaker 1: like you could, you could make someone feel worthless, you
Speaker 1: could belittle them. There's so many ways that are that
Speaker 1: that women do engage in with men, right, that are
Speaker 1: never headlines. And then the man cheats, which is not
Speaker 1: a fucking excuse. There's noever fucking excuse. But then there's
Speaker 1: no conversation where a woman can come and say I
Speaker 1: did X, Y, and Z wrong in the relationship. That
Speaker 1: does not excuse and it does not justify why he
Speaker 1: cheated on me. That is a separate issue. But let
Speaker 1: me admit to the things and my fault in a relationship.
Speaker 1: You know that often it's like, once you get cheated on,
Speaker 1: you get to carry the woman, you get to hide behind.
Speaker 1: I got cheated on, Well, well, what were you doing wrong?
Speaker 1: Not dude, justify him cheating, but what were you doing wrong?
Speaker 1: Because there's a dynamic at play and your dynamic is
Speaker 1: fucked up? What are you doing wrong in your dynamic?
Speaker 1: Not because you care about him, but because you need
Speaker 1: to figure out what you're doing wrong here so that
Speaker 1: when you go to the next person. I think, I know,
Speaker 1: fix it? What is yours? I think that when I
Speaker 1: was getting cheated on, I was in the first time.
Speaker 1: I don't think I did anything wrong. Okay, I think
Speaker 1: my response to the cheating allowed for the continual cheating
Speaker 1: in what way because I wasn't as serious, I didn't
Speaker 1: stick by what I said in the first time about
Speaker 1: leaving him, about setting boundaries, like I remember getting right
Speaker 1: back with him because I thought it was just sex.
Speaker 1: Even though that may have been true, I never upheld
Speaker 1: myself to the standard of whatever. I can't remember what
Speaker 1: I set forth, But like he knew there was no
Speaker 1: consequence to it. He knew he wasn't losing me. And
Speaker 1: then the more he cheated, the more I was okay
Speaker 1: with it, but either cheating because of it. So I
Speaker 1: was so frustrated with the cheating, but then I would
Speaker 1: act a certain way, so I wasn't doing the girlfriend
Speaker 1: ship that I set out to do when I took
Speaker 1: him back as my boyfriend because I was so mad
Speaker 1: about the cheating when reality, I should have just left him.
Speaker 1: Like I think, I wasn't sticking to the plan that
Speaker 1: I had for myself. And I think because he knew
Speaker 1: that I wasn't doing that, it allowed him to keep cheating.
Speaker 1: If I'm telling you I have a plan for my business,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be in three cities next year, and I
Speaker 1: don't do it, and I keep screaming about it, You're
Speaker 1: gonna be like, Okay, this bit chain about shit. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I stick to what the fuck I say when it
Speaker 1: comes to my money, and I always do. I don't
Speaker 1: take l's from it. But with my relationship, I kept
Speaker 1: taking l's on what I said I would stand for it.
Speaker 1: And I think he saw that everything else in my
Speaker 1: life I was very very good at doing. He knew it.
Speaker 1: I would get up, it didn't matter what it was.
Speaker 1: If I was hungover, drunk, I'm still gonna make it.
Speaker 1: I never miss a flight. I'm always on point with shit.
Speaker 1: But for the relationship, it was always like this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I was saying in the beginning, though
Speaker 2: your heart's I know how I show up, and like
Speaker 2: for most people generally speaking, now, how you show up
Speaker 2: professionally and in friendships just innately, unfortunately is different than romantic.
Speaker 1: Of course it just is, and so somewhere, no, it does.
Speaker 2: But that's where, unfortunately, because there's whatever the oxytocin that
Speaker 2: we get when we fucking these big dick good dick nicholas,
Speaker 2: we be so dumb in not being able to show
Speaker 2: up as ourselves and how we know how to show
Speaker 2: up in business or with friendships. For whatever reason, a
Speaker 2: lot of those boundaries are not kept the way we communicate,
Speaker 2: the way we really put those hardcore things down they
Speaker 2: they're a little bit more blurry in romantic relationships.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's not gonna be the same as the platonics.
Speaker 1: Like if my girlfriend doesn't respond in two days when
Speaker 1: she hits me, I am, I'm not gonna be like,
Speaker 1: where have you been? You don't care about my emotions,
Speaker 1: you don't care about my well being. I'm like, what's
Speaker 1: that big man? But if that man doesn't talk to
Speaker 1: me two days, like you don't care about my well being,
Speaker 1: you hate me? You are you know what I'm saying, Like,
Speaker 1: I also think we but we said ourselves for failure
Speaker 1: when we compare anything to romantic relationships, the expectations of
Speaker 1: romantic relationships that are have the conversation last night donating
Speaker 1: was fasting and so fasting from what right? Food, alcohol,
Speaker 1: everything right for like twenty four hours. So we were talking,
Speaker 1: maybe like around three pm that day I went to
Speaker 1: like a food convention thing so he couldn't come fasting,
Speaker 1: And then like three pm I said something. This one's
Speaker 1: fucking responded to me until the next day. I said, what,
Speaker 1: bitch were you fasting with? Like are you out of
Speaker 1: your mind? That's what you said? Yes, And He's like,
Speaker 1: how is it possible that your brain went to another
Speaker 1: woman just because I didn't talk to you? By the way,
Speaker 1: I don't like. Wolf was over there just shaking his
Speaker 1: head like, well, I like, what's part of my brain wound?
Speaker 1: A part of my brain where men are out here
Speaker 1: fucking passive passive with my math? You know part you
Speaker 1: want to not talk to me? You better tell me
Speaker 1: you don't want to talk to me period. You better say, yo,
Speaker 1: I need a minute for this past. I'm not about
Speaker 1: to fame, but I know he is he this is
Speaker 1: the whole type ship. And I tell you can I
Speaker 1: tell you? But I understand why you asked that because
Speaker 1: one time during Ramadan, my current man, I was not
Speaker 1: into him at the time, so I lied and was like,
Speaker 1: it's Ramadan, I can't have sex, So I didn't have
Speaker 1: So that's why that's so toxic. That's exactly why you
Speaker 1: should not trust men. Bro. So he's like, yo, I'm like,
Speaker 1: so what should do this one? And he's like, yo,
Speaker 1: Like I just was tapped out. I was just trying
Speaker 1: to spiritually tune in with the bitch. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: how did you break your past? He told me what
Speaker 1: He's like, I had a kill salad with salmon? Where
Speaker 1: did you eat that out lunch for the bitch? Because
Speaker 1: I know you ain't make no motherfucker kill salad? And yo,
Speaker 1: who even told you about kill salad? Bitch? Bitch? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't care to kill. That's you, niggah, You telling
Speaker 1: me right now you have salmon and kill. No, he laughed.
Speaker 1: And think I'm being you are, but I'm right and no,
Speaker 1: And this is probably some ship you were you were
Speaker 1: doing in your list relationship talking about I wasn't doing
Speaker 1: nothing wrong and then he cheated first of all, changing
Speaker 1: the I started cheating too. But anyway, let's go to
Speaker 1: why the girls want to talk to you? So I
Speaker 1: want to talk about one of my favorite things you
Speaker 1: said in the video. There's so many favorite things. Being
Speaker 1: with a rich man is lit. Now, obviously that would
Speaker 1: be the case, but how are the girls going to
Speaker 1: find him and how are they going to keep him? Okay,
Speaker 1: let's start with being with a rich man is lit.
Speaker 1: That was said in the context of in comparison to
Speaker 1: being with a four man. Okay, Okay, Like, obviously, if
Speaker 1: you take two men who are identical in every way,
Speaker 1: one has money, and one does it. Obviously you should
Speaker 1: pick the one who has money. That being said, and
Speaker 1: I've tried to I've tried to make videos about this,
Speaker 1: and like the girls don't want to hear this side
Speaker 1: of it. Being with a rich man comes with shit too, right,
Speaker 1: It comes with a lot of shit on its own,
Speaker 1: So I don't ever want to romanticize, like being with
Speaker 1: a wealthy man is just like so incredible and so
Speaker 1: amazing and so like, it comes with a whole host
Speaker 1: of its own shit. One thing I'll just say, overview,
Speaker 1: if you are with a man who a minority, right,
Speaker 1: who's a millionaire within a capitalist, white supremacist society, that
Speaker 1: man has to have believed in himself so much to
Speaker 1: get himself there, right, like you need to, because how
Speaker 1: the fuck else are you gonna write? How are you
Speaker 1: gonna move through all these fucking systems A lot of
Speaker 1: these men have as a result, they have God complexes.
Speaker 1: They they do have some bits of narcissism. They have
Speaker 1: high high egos like that doesn't stop at work, that
Speaker 1: comes home. These are their personality traits. So the personality
Speaker 1: traits that sometimes contribute to a man being extremely wealthy
Speaker 1: includes lack of empathy, being able to compartmentalize, not being
Speaker 1: overly emotional. Those are the things that we have seen
Speaker 1: historically make a great leader, and it allows him to,
Speaker 1: no matter what bullshit he has, go and make a
Speaker 1: lot of money. Now you bring that home and you
Speaker 1: bring that into a relationship. It's not exactly amazing all
Speaker 1: the time. A man who doesn't have empathy.
Speaker 2: Or now has these expectations of you to show up
Speaker 2: as maybe his soldier only because now science the leader first,
Speaker 2: he sees himself as.
Speaker 1: A leader all the way around. Unless, like when we
Speaker 1: spoke with a dom, a lot of them may want
Speaker 1: to get into kink submiss the roles in that way.
Speaker 1: But yes, I want to say this is interesting. So
Speaker 1: black women are surpassing black men in an entrepreneurial sense,
Speaker 1: and college degrees and finances by I think it's like
Speaker 1: six times or something. So if that's the case and
Speaker 1: we don't really need the money, let's just say, I mean,
Speaker 1: we still want it. But should women with money then
Speaker 1: be pursued someone who's maybe not the richest kind. No,
Speaker 1: I actually think this is where it's all fucked up,
Speaker 1: And I actually think women are completely fucked And I'll
Speaker 1: explain to you why, Like, no, I gent what I mean,
Speaker 1: we're fucked. I think I think if you're I think,
Speaker 1: if you're a woman who makes money, you have two options.
Speaker 1: Either dating a man with money. Now, that's hard because
Speaker 1: if you're in the one percent, there's only one percent
Speaker 1: for you to date, right, and you either work with
Speaker 1: all of them. And that's assuming the people in that
Speaker 1: one percent who financially match up with you also match
Speaker 1: up with you religiously, culturally, height wise, wait wise, look wise,
Speaker 1: character wise, like all that. I mean, the chances of
Speaker 1: that are very fucking slim. So you're kind of fucked
Speaker 1: right here. Your other option is going and dating a
Speaker 1: man who makes less than you. Now, the problem is,
Speaker 1: I believe there's something innately within a man where if
Speaker 1: he does not make more money than you. Now there's exceptions,
Speaker 1: but if he does not make more money than you,
Speaker 1: there's something about him and his ego as a man
Speaker 1: that gets like compromised, like where he needs to like
Speaker 1: fulfill it some other way, which is why you have
Speaker 1: women who end up dating men who make less and
Speaker 1: then getting cheated on by those men because they can't
Speaker 1: seem to feel like men without the financial aspect of it,
Speaker 1: and now a lot of that is attributed to a
Speaker 1: patriarchal society. So you're kind of fucked either which way.
Speaker 1: Well guess me that enough. I mean, I don't I
Speaker 1: don't mean to say like, oh gooo, who, like we're fucked,
Speaker 1: but like, let's be completely realistic, let's have honest conversations.
Speaker 1: As a woman, it is hard to find a fucking partner.
Speaker 1: It just is. Your options are finding someone who matches
Speaker 1: at your level, which is hard. If you have fucking skyrocketed, right,
Speaker 1: if you have like a normal paying job and on
Speaker 1: normal degrees, that's great, you have more options. But I
Speaker 1: always said this, like it's really hard for me to date.
Speaker 1: I am six feet tall. That that in itself, the
Speaker 1: number of the doctorate, Yeah, with with with the jd J.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm barred in two different states, and then I
Speaker 1: have another degree from Columbia and out of call, out
Speaker 1: of law school, I was making two fifty. So who
Speaker 1: am I dating? And I'm Muslim and I'm attractive, so
Speaker 1: I have to you know what I mean, Like, there's
Speaker 1: there's a total but like ten men available for me.
Speaker 1: Four of them I've already fucked. The other ones with
Speaker 1: my girlfriend. I hate jam.
Speaker 2: So then let me ask you getting into the relationships
Speaker 2: only because I know we said we would talk about it,
Speaker 2: and I would love to know how you went into it.
Speaker 1: Prenups.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so a woman finally gets married, especially maybe one
Speaker 2: with her own assets or maybe not.
Speaker 1: We could talk speak to both women. Yeah, you feel
Speaker 1: like prenups are a good thing and need to be happy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I know a lot of women and men.
Speaker 2: Now that word has had such a negative connotation with
Speaker 2: and Jasmin and Chino. I don't fucking body you if
Speaker 2: you do the Primo. I love that show first of all.
Speaker 2: And she's an insane human and the reason she's she
Speaker 2: didn't know. Yeah, that's why you no one the fucking
Speaker 2: to me. The waits you think are a great thing,
Speaker 2: I think they're an amazing thing.
Speaker 1: I think they're an amazing thing. If you don't make money,
Speaker 1: I think they're an amazing thing. If you do make money,
Speaker 1: I think if you decide to want to be a
Speaker 1: stay at home mom, okay, and you make no money,
Speaker 1: but your man is making the money without a prenup
Speaker 1: when it comes time to get a divorce. Now, this
Speaker 1: berries state by state, state different different laws. What are
Speaker 1: you really walking away with? Whereas if you had a
Speaker 1: prenup and you're like, Okay, I'm going to be a
Speaker 1: stay at home mother and I'm going to get a
Speaker 1: percentage of this and this and this and this at
Speaker 1: least that because being a state at home mother is
Speaker 1: a job. Is a job, you baby, a job I
Speaker 1: would so this is what I mean, So the same
Speaker 1: way that you wouldn't. You wouldn't go into a job
Speaker 1: and be like, you know what, Bud, we'll figure it out,
Speaker 1: like you shouldn't go into a marriage and be like,
Speaker 1: we'll figure it out, because what do you mean? I
Speaker 1: need to know how much i'm a fucking get paid
Speaker 1: in case this shit goes left, because I've given up
Speaker 1: my life to be your part. And because we live
Speaker 1: within a patriarchal society that's going to allow you to
Speaker 1: go and date other women because you do not have
Speaker 1: to deal with agism, whereas I fucking do. And you
Speaker 1: do believe in a woman's value decreasing with I don't
Speaker 1: believe in it by society. I think we live in
Speaker 1: a society that doesn't. I think it's incorrect, but I
Speaker 1: think we do live in a society that unfortunately values
Speaker 1: values women based off of our age and the kids,
Speaker 1: that we have something.
Speaker 2: That will make me feel good because I, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: I think get your fucking money. Broom boom, I think
Speaker 2: get your money in every way.
Speaker 1: How where do we meet them? Okay, so let's see.
Speaker 1: I think I was just in Dallas. I was staying
Speaker 1: at the ritsuh the bar at the Ritz and I
Speaker 1: got them oil men, listen.
Speaker 2: Take your texas they leave, because then you can't have
Speaker 2: an abortion. But uh so, hotel bars, hotel bars, but
Speaker 2: go alone. Girls like to go in groups. That's intimidating.
Speaker 1: So can I be honest with you?
Speaker 2: If you go alone and usually a dress like you
Speaker 2: just came from work though, because ye don't look like
Speaker 2: an don't looking at escort of process, not.
Speaker 1: That there's anything wrong with because there's not way you
Speaker 1: dress mad.
Speaker 2: I've had friends removed from bars because they were accused
Speaker 2: of being escorts when.
Speaker 1: Literally they weren't. Yes, yes, yeah, you cannot just go.
Speaker 2: Also, ladies to these bars and look like a sex worker,
Speaker 2: because there a lot of times are undercover cops.
Speaker 1: You will be removed from these bars, especially in major cities. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my roommate, I had when I was younger. She worked
Speaker 1: at a hotel called the Peabody in Orlando, and she
Speaker 1: said the number one tip that they would get where
Speaker 1: like they had to alert the security, was that the
Speaker 1: person wasn't ordering a drink the woman because waiting for
Speaker 1: and waiting for I think, I think, order your own
Speaker 1: fucking drink. Well no, they're saying like if you're a
Speaker 1: sex worker, oh oh got it, got it, you're not
Speaker 1: going to order the drink. But anyway, long story short,
Speaker 1: Uh so hotel bars. I agree to tell bars who
Speaker 1: I'll be here. It not the folle ring grandma ringtone. Also,
Speaker 1: that is a grandma ass work. My phone was transferred.
Speaker 2: Oh oh yeah, it's update. She ain't set her seting.
Speaker 2: It's going back to factory.
Speaker 1: I think I think at conventions and conferences like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm going to astro Tech.
Speaker 2: You guys, I'm hosting an event I've ever first. I
Speaker 2: think afro Text is an amazing that's where you meet.
Speaker 2: I did also see and this was a TikTok that
Speaker 2: I just saw, but that made sense. My homegirl sent
Speaker 2: it to me because now we sing, we're trying to
Speaker 2: scope back. So there was another thing that again when
Speaker 2: you're a one percent, when you're a billionaire, a lot
Speaker 2: of them hang with other billionaire of course, so it
Speaker 2: was talking about, uh conference like whenever they do the
Speaker 2: boat thing?
Speaker 1: Uh, what's the thing? Our cause was the one Formula one.
Speaker 1: A lot of the billionaires go to the Kentucky Derby.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of even events that they all like, Now,
Speaker 1: you guys can all go to this stuff. So I
Speaker 1: talked about it a few months back the F one event.
Speaker 1: I went to Miami, where they like fucking I met
Speaker 1: the owner of F one Miami and he just star
Speaker 1: studied me. I think I was sitting next to Tiesto,
Speaker 1: Queen land Tiva like my names. But you can go
Speaker 1: to F one for like one hundred fifty dollars, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: get it, get it, get there. But this is why
Speaker 1: I say, don't go with too many people. Just have
Speaker 1: one girl, girl, because it's a it's a lot easier
Speaker 1: at moving person to those guys normally coming to But
Speaker 1: for a hotel bar, I could see why you said one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think you had another video about going out alone.
Speaker 1: Can you talk about that more for women? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I just think it's a lot easier and this
Speaker 1: fucking sucks that we have to make ourselves more approachable
Speaker 1: for men. So like, I know, fucking sucks, but I
Speaker 1: think it's just you're more approachable when you are by yourself.
Speaker 1: I think sometimes men get really intimidated when there's like
Speaker 1: when like a group of five bad bitches, like they're
Speaker 1: just gonna be like, I don't know, and it's a
Speaker 1: good point that whatever. So when you're by yourself and
Speaker 1: you look like this is just something I do, like
Speaker 1: I'm not here for you, babe, I just like got
Speaker 1: off work, even though I am. I just got off
Speaker 1: of work and I'm just here to get a drink
Speaker 1: and this is what I do, it's a lot easier.
Speaker 1: I also think there's nothing wrong with like sparking up
Speaker 1: a conversation. That does not mean that you need to
Speaker 1: pursue the man, But if he's sitting next to you,
Speaker 1: you could bait him into a conversation like have you
Speaker 1: ever had the whatever whatever's on the middle, like do
Speaker 1: you know if it's good? And then he'll say something
Speaker 1: and you'll be like okay, but now you you've opened
Speaker 1: the door saying I'm interested in a conversation if you'd
Speaker 1: like we can have a conversation. You know what I do.
Speaker 1: They compliment your outfit. I have noticed my friends, my
Speaker 1: whole boys have told me that they're like, I love
Speaker 1: telling her of our sneakers. Now her head is gassed up,
Speaker 1: now she's open. I'm thank you. And then boom, you're
Speaker 1: not saying you're hot, You're saying something general. We already
Speaker 1: know you worked hard on your outfit. Like, I think
Speaker 1: there are ways that men are even sometimes afraid too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: now we snagged the rich guy. How do we keep
Speaker 1: how do we keep them? How do we set ourselves
Speaker 1: apart from the other women? Because we've been having conversations
Speaker 1: a few weeks ago, like, okay, do women compete? Most
Speaker 1: women Mandy and our guests at the time are like,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna compete. I know we compete. I've always
Speaker 1: said there's already a competition. That's what the patriarchy is
Speaker 1: set up. It's for us to compete against them. For
Speaker 1: these men. Yeah, Like is that not crazy? But is
Speaker 1: there a way for a woman to stand out from
Speaker 1: the other women? I don't think. I don't think putting
Speaker 1: on an act to stand out is a fucking thing. Like,
Speaker 1: that's not how you are, Like I think, at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, you're gonna stand out if you're
Speaker 1: that person's like for them. Yeah, like there's there's you
Speaker 1: can't put on bells and whistles and do all this
Speaker 1: weird ship to stand out for a man and it's
Speaker 1: not who you are. And that's once you go into
Speaker 1: a relationship. Because once you go into the relationship, how
Speaker 1: are you gonna come How are you gonna keep up
Speaker 1: the act. There's so many times I've heard or men say, like,
Speaker 1: I don't have an ex that's ever said like we
Speaker 1: stopped sucking, because that was always me. They've never been like, oh,
Speaker 1: she used to dress up or do this and blah
Speaker 1: blah blah and stop. That was always me at least
Speaker 1: sexual aspect. Right, Yeah, maybe I stopped cooking too much,
Speaker 1: But I do know that, like the sex was always
Speaker 1: one thing that I felt like I was able to
Speaker 1: keep up with. And I've heard so many times in
Speaker 1: relationships and marriages men say we don't have sex anymore. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've never I can't relate. I can't relate. I actually
Speaker 1: had a whole life. I've never maybe except for one,
Speaker 1: has been a relationship where a man has wanted to
Speaker 1: have sex more than me. I want to have sex
Speaker 1: ten times today, same and can go ten times and
Speaker 1: if we can, we're going. Yeah, Like I have a
Speaker 1: very high liby though, so that's not my problem. But
Speaker 1: that maybe for the man that like you meet, it's
Speaker 1: really important to him that you remember dates I don't know,
Speaker 1: and you're naturally let's say good at dates. You're going
Speaker 1: to stand out for him. Yeah, that's just a match.
Speaker 1: But you can't manufacture a match, and you don't want
Speaker 1: to manufacture a match.
Speaker 2: And you don't want to manufacture yourself to be something
Speaker 2: for somebody that is you're not always.
Speaker 1: Like yeah because he has money. Like, at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, somebody could have money, but if you
Speaker 1: are miserable with them, there is no value in that money. Listen,
Speaker 1: there really is it you If you wake up every day,
Speaker 1: if you wake up every day and like you're just
Speaker 1: unhappy to be there, that money in that fucking mansion
Speaker 1: and that panenthouse isn't gonna mean that what then what
Speaker 1: ends up happening is you end up beating a man
Speaker 1: who is good, who is genuine, who is sincere heat
Speaker 1: a poor boy. Sorry, no, no, no, My last relationship
Speaker 1: that happened. The person I fell in love with had
Speaker 1: way less than him and me, Right, But then I
Speaker 1: would be away on these great trips and just live
Speaker 1: in a great life. And I'm like, ooh, but like
Speaker 1: I hate the person I'm sitting across from. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: I think that being able to like see that up
Speaker 1: the mirror in my face, like really has taught me
Speaker 1: a lot about what I'm looking for now. No, I
Speaker 1: can't date someone broke, but I definitely less. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think that's fine. Like, I think a man can be
Speaker 1: a provider and not be a trillionaire. Like I don't
Speaker 1: think a provider and wealthy are necessarily the same thing,
Speaker 1: because now there's a lot of wealthy men who are
Speaker 1: fucking stingy ast shit, ye'll give you no money. And
Speaker 1: there's a lot of men who are good men who
Speaker 1: make like whatever average is in your book of money,
Speaker 1: and they provide for you, they show up for you,
Speaker 1: they buy you on trips. I'll be honest, I have
Speaker 1: every fucking bag I want I've ever fucking I mean,
Speaker 1: I think that's a very fine standard to have. You
Speaker 1: just want some food or some trips, bro the mom
Speaker 1: give you that. The more money I've made, the less
Speaker 1: I've like want them material even like watches. I agree
Speaker 1: buying myself watches, don't fucking wear them. I thought Rolexes
Speaker 1: were gonna be my standard. Now I don't even put
Speaker 1: them on it when I'm walking down the street. It's
Speaker 1: all these little things that I thought would make me
Speaker 1: more attractive just to the world when I started making money,
Speaker 1: and now it's I've totally regressed. It's the weirdest thing.
Speaker 1: The only thing I will motherfucking do every time is
Speaker 1: laid out flat and I need to post. Literally just
Speaker 1: did that from from Dubai and I literally spoke to
Speaker 1: my friend when we were walking to the lounge about it.
Speaker 1: I was like to know that I just could. I said,
Speaker 1: I want to bed. I want to be able to
Speaker 1: lay down during this fucking seven hour flight to Amsterdam.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I just bought it. I was like, wow,
Speaker 2: like the idea that this at one point only would
Speaker 2: have seemed possible with a man with money. I know
Speaker 2: now my mindset is, so what do I need these niggas?
Speaker 2: Bro I'm gonna be honest with you even when I'm crazy.
Speaker 2: If I'm taking myself African trip this year, if you
Speaker 2: need to be in the back up's fine, but I
Speaker 2: will in a fly like, wait, why are you shaking
Speaker 2: your hand?
Speaker 1: Well, we have both being economy. I don't know make
Speaker 1: economy money. The other one does that he has to sit.
Speaker 1: He can't upgrade himself. But no, like that, haes. I
Speaker 1: think that's the only I think that's the only thing
Speaker 1: in my life right now that you know. You're not
Speaker 1: upgrading your man, you know, upgrading your man with you.
Speaker 1: I'm spending four thousand and five thousand dollars on these flights. No,
Speaker 1: you not upgrading your man. I'm not spending that much
Speaker 1: on a man. No, no, I'm not. Okay, So, but
Speaker 1: so here's my QUI you're not and only because I
Speaker 1: like to do the devil's advocate.
Speaker 2: Okay, you're with a rich man. He flies first class,
Speaker 2: puts you on economy. You're going on the trip with
Speaker 2: him flying economy.
Speaker 1: I don't have to do the chivalry he does. He does.
Speaker 1: But I have a question. You're in first class. He
Speaker 1: just rode seven hours in the economy. How do you
Speaker 1: think I'm gonna give him? She said on a girl,
Speaker 1: actually only one girl. Mage I was flying from Bogata
Speaker 1: to New York, right, okay, And there was only one left,
Speaker 1: one seed left, and we wanted to get out for
Speaker 1: the next day and my ex was like fuck.
Speaker 2: We were like, should we split it? And he was
Speaker 2: like yeah, and we actually did. It was six hours
Speaker 2: we did three and three. Oh see, I didn't saying
Speaker 2: the same thing happened with me. My ex literally from Bogata.
Speaker 2: I got the first class. He was comfort and I
Speaker 2: allow I was too nice to that. Nigga allowed him
Speaker 2: to sit first class because he's six seven. I'm five
Speaker 2: to one.
Speaker 1: I'm sleeping the whole time. Yeah, sit up in first class. Yeah,
Speaker 1: never again. Nope, he was undeserving. I will never do
Speaker 1: that again. I'm first class. You go sit in coming.
Speaker 1: This is not Yeah. This has happened multiple times in
Speaker 1: I only did this were laid down otherwise. I don't care.
Speaker 1: I was upset. This has happened in my relationship, and
Speaker 1: I'm always going to be in first class. You can
Speaker 1: sit in the back even though you paid for it.
Speaker 1: This is like when a man lets me sit down
Speaker 1: when there's a seat avail about the bar. I swear
Speaker 1: to God, it's the same concept to me. Yes, it is.
Speaker 1: Wait what I have never had a nigga let me
Speaker 1: sit up anytime a bar? Yeah, like no, I'm getting
Speaker 1: seated first last week. Bro? You doesn't agree? Oh right?
Speaker 2: Well well real quick, Well, this entire conversation us clearly
Speaker 2: talking about dynamics of relationships.
Speaker 1: Tell you not in your head a lot.
Speaker 2: You nodded your head, you agreed, you disagree, some, you
Speaker 2: laughed at something. Well, what would be your overall consensus
Speaker 2: with our views of dating and how we're showing up
Speaker 2: and what we expect from men based on just this
Speaker 2: hour and change of conversation?
Speaker 1: That was crazy everything? I think everything right now? Wait?
Speaker 1: Oh so you want your girl to go to the bag? No,
Speaker 1: he want to be in the back. Yeah, let's be together. Okay,
Speaker 1: well you know what, why is struggling wife quality? Because
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be like that. That was tall. I'm six
Speaker 1: feet tall. It's hard back there, and I have bad knees.
Speaker 1: So your man is gonna be even taller. That's his bad. Okay. See,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say this. This is to me the same thing.
Speaker 1: If I'm dating a man that maybe doesn't wear designer
Speaker 1: like I'm wearing, You're gonna buy him shirt? No, I
Speaker 1: ain't gonna lie I didn't do that with my what
Speaker 1: is available bag? Yeah, and you're gonna find it. So
Speaker 1: my point is, if I'm treating myself, you're not gonna
Speaker 1: feel weird at an event where you're like, you're decked
Speaker 1: out and and he looks I'll be in today's age.
Speaker 1: I think fla ship can Gosha could go without being labeled. No,
Speaker 1: I agree. Are you gonna let's say he doesn't have fashion? Tim,
Speaker 1: will you help? Don't? You got to be able to leave, Honestly,
Speaker 1: you got to be able to put that ship on. Bro.
Speaker 1: I don't think i'd be in that place where I
Speaker 1: be there. But I've also dated very wealthy then that
Speaker 1: can't dress precisely. Wealth is not so that labels I
Speaker 1: have been DATCHI lying, disgusting, philly and versachi, awful and
Speaker 1: grandy or I'll say that might be something on part
Speaker 1: with you. And it's what taught me that I could
Speaker 1: date a man that has a little less so just
Speaker 1: talking about clothes, right, A friend of mine shout out
Speaker 1: to Maurice. He said, I have to date a woman
Speaker 1: that has my same taste level. And I keep talking
Speaker 1: about this on every podcast and I couldn't believe how
Speaker 1: true it was. He said, maybe she's not making as
Speaker 1: much as me, and I think he's it. Okay, I
Speaker 1: go to Japan, you've never been. That's cool. But you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: did you go to this neighborhood? Did you see the herd? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I heard there's a really fast train. That means our
Speaker 1: taste levels matter for sure. So I think when I've
Speaker 1: dated men that have less like it happened to me
Speaker 1: a few weeks ago. I was getting dressed and he
Speaker 1: was like, Yo, are those rick rick owing pants? And
Speaker 1: I was like, no, but they look like He was like, damn,
Speaker 1: they got the same swag. Look at you with the
Speaker 1: dupe now we laughing about shit. I'm like, oh, so
Speaker 1: you get it. It doesn't matter if you're wearing three
Speaker 1: thousand dollars pants, you're getting it because those Dara's gonna
Speaker 1: hit niggle. Nobody will shame me out of Sarah Everara.
Speaker 1: But anyway, so, the taste level when it comes to food, hotel,
Speaker 1: stays all of it. Bro if he can't afford certain things.
Speaker 1: Even when I was broke, I was figuring out how
Speaker 1: to do X y Z, and I believe that is taste.
Speaker 1: I agree. I was if I could do it in
Speaker 1: law school off financial aid, you could do it with
Speaker 1: your regular paying job. I was making well. I'm in school,
Speaker 1: so I have what like a thousand dollars a month,
Speaker 1: but I'm going on trips and I'm looking good, and
Speaker 1: I still figure out a way to get on a
Speaker 1: boat situation. I'm telling you that you can figure it out.
Speaker 1: People just don't want to put in an effort, or
Speaker 1: they're not as resourceful, or maybe I'm not resourceful. That's it. People.
Speaker 1: People don't know how to I just keep saying, finesse like,
Speaker 1: you gotta know how to finess life. You gotta know
Speaker 1: how to like, you gotta know how to move, You
Speaker 1: gotta know how to you know, get get get Get
Speaker 1: on a fucking group on. There's some good shit on
Speaker 1: group on. Figure out if you don't have money, I'm saying,
Speaker 1: figure out a way to get get get it via
Speaker 1: group of be the men that take me to pay
Speaker 1: as you wish day at the galleries. I don't give
Speaker 1: a fuck. I see that you know what I like.
Speaker 1: You like what you're doing Tuesday night. Oh you look nigga,
Speaker 1: and you know you can pay a dollars instead of thirty.
Speaker 1: That's fine. At least be in there. I don't give
Speaker 1: a fuck. But that to me is like you get it, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that is what I want. I think making a little
Speaker 1: less than you is I is fine. I dated a
Speaker 1: man who made like, very very very low amount. What's that?
Speaker 1: Just curious? I mean, oh, go ahead, go ahead and
Speaker 1: get you. That's a very low amount sr No, no, no,
Speaker 1: it was like one twenty and that was low okay
Speaker 1: for New York. Absolutely, I can understood that that way.
Speaker 1: It was one twenty. It was it was just too
Speaker 1: low for me. But I was paying for everything. I
Speaker 1: just felt bad at that point. I'm not gonna hold you.
Speaker 1: That was my life. I paid for everything like I
Speaker 1: didn't for I paid for a lot like I didn't
Speaker 1: like that I like to eat and nice places. I
Speaker 1: didn't like that I would go to. I would want
Speaker 1: to go to a roll. This was literally like, babe,
Speaker 1: that's expensive. I don't want to just get into God,
Speaker 1: I got it. I got it so that I'm not
Speaker 1: allowed to sit here and argue with you. I just
Speaker 1: I'm craving this possible.
Speaker 2: And that's where that's where I realized taste matters, but
Speaker 2: also with restaurants.
Speaker 1: He literally almost to me.
Speaker 2: I felt like I was duped out of being able
Speaker 2: to enjoy the things I liked because he said, why
Speaker 2: would you spend that much.
Speaker 1: On a meal? Like, literally, I like everything here, experience.
Speaker 1: I agree this, and the ballet guy, especially in LA,
Speaker 1: doesn't take my ship. I why don't want? Yeah, well
Speaker 1: I started. I started secretly going to restaurants for myself.
Speaker 1: Myself same in my relationship because I was like, I
Speaker 1: can't pay for you all the time, and also I
Speaker 1: don't want to deprive myself of this of what I
Speaker 1: like to do. Yeah, but you know, for me, I
Speaker 1: at least need once a week and it doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be the Michelin or whatever, but like once a
Speaker 1: week of effort. I was dating and effort Like I
Speaker 1: was adating a guy in LA that took me to
Speaker 1: this like hidden restaurant in the middle of Rodeo and
Speaker 1: it was hella cute, like I loved it, and I
Speaker 1: thought like, oh, you're trying, like you got me the
Speaker 1: instagrammable spot. I mean, let me let me say something.
Speaker 1: Though dates are expensive, we talk about Michelin, A regular date.
Speaker 1: A regular date is oh a date. Yeah, the meals.
Speaker 1: I just hated Omar's kitchen. Shout out, y'all should go
Speaker 1: eat it. To the Lower east Side. I know a
Speaker 1: lot of you guys went to Cadence. They told me
Speaker 1: went in there and didn't know it was vegan.
Speaker 2: They told you that girl felt so bad. I looked
Speaker 2: at that menu and I was like, and there were fans.
Speaker 2: They brought food out from the kitchen. I didn't tell
Speaker 2: my friend, don't finish at all. It's good, but we
Speaker 2: don't want to eat the rest. It's vegan, but I don't.
Speaker 2: We only left because they also no liquor. I said,
Speaker 2: no liquor and vegan, I said, bitch.
Speaker 1: Now no, they got cocktails. Oh you didn't look at
Speaker 1: the Nope, there's wine and beer. Wine and beer is
Speaker 1: not a cocktail to me. Oh they made wine. That's
Speaker 1: not a cocktail. Oh anyway, Oh Mar's kitchen, they do
Speaker 1: have liquor. It's in the Lower east Side. Jamake a restaurant.
Speaker 1: We ate. I think it was one hundred and fifty
Speaker 1: five dollars. This Jamaican food. This is what I mean.
Speaker 1: I don't this is not a problem. Those are his
Speaker 1: prices and the food is great. And it's a it's
Speaker 1: a vibe, that's a date night. But literally I remember thinking,
Speaker 1: like when you think about going to like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: just a Caribbean restaurant, you're not thinking you're spending that much,
Speaker 1: but you're out here to have drinks. You're out here
Speaker 1: in the vibe.
Speaker 2: There's music there like this year then I'm going to
Speaker 2: find hopefully so, which is what I used to tell
Speaker 2: my friend all the time. Bro, you can't expect a
Speaker 2: man to take you for dinner and hookah three times
Speaker 2: a week.
Speaker 1: That's a thousand dollars a week. That's literally like fifteen
Speaker 1: hundred dollars. And on top of that, you want flowers,
Speaker 1: and on top of it, like sometimes you might want
Speaker 1: him to talk for your uber home. Sometimes I do
Speaker 1: feel for how hard it is for a man to date,
Speaker 1: especially if they want to date multiple women. I don't
Speaker 1: even know how the hell because honestly, they need to
Speaker 1: set up a financial course because they're really doing it
Speaker 1: out here. Like how you how you dating five women?
Speaker 1: Make no money and you but they're not. That's why
Speaker 1: they're inviting them to Netflix and chill. Now. I cannot
Speaker 1: date a dude that's dating too many people because it'll
Speaker 1: take away what he did for you. It really is,
Speaker 1: you're still on my resources I want to do and
Speaker 1: you can't. Is it because you just took this with Jeb?
Speaker 1: But but think about it, Okay. A man who's spending
Speaker 1: fifteen hundred dollars a week on his girl on dates
Speaker 1: multiple multiply that by four. Right, y'all got it? Dating
Speaker 1: is a rich man sport. Yeah, and then add rent
Speaker 1: and add and add car and add this, and there's
Speaker 1: no way he would be able to do all that
Speaker 1: making less than what like a couple of milks. Hmmm.
Speaker 1: I want to end this because I'm pissed.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, sorry, y'all thought y'all would come here for
Speaker 2: dating advice. We just let you know it's rough out here, y'all.
Speaker 1: Dating is ghetto. The advice is just fuck him. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't recommend just fucking them, my eyes. My advice is
Speaker 1: just get get your ship, get your money, you know,
Speaker 1: pouring to yourself, make sure you're good and hopefully the
Speaker 1: right one comes and if not, you're still laying flat
Speaker 1: on your way to Singapore. Bitch, I know that's right,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Listen that thing about us
Speaker 1: we're gonna lay flat without you thought, that's so crazy.
Speaker 1: So that I was flying back from Harris and I
Speaker 1: was in the pot you know what has the doors?
Speaker 1: The doors oh or the D and D bitchmar coming
Speaker 1: back had a massage, but oh yeah, the Delta. It
Speaker 1: was klm oh and it was ken you sitting in there.
Speaker 1: And I was literally reading a book called Rich and
Speaker 1: Pretty period. This nigga wasn't texting me back, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm literally one hundred and eighty degrees right now.
Speaker 1: I just have a fucking duck. Do I give a fuck? No? Nope, No,
Speaker 1: I can't give a fuck. I also, whenever I used
Speaker 1: to date a certain man, I'd be like, if four
Speaker 1: or five million dollars were added to my account right now,
Speaker 1: would I give a fuck? And the answer has always
Speaker 1: been no. And then I realized that that means I'm
Speaker 1: only sad because I don't make enough. And if I
Speaker 1: were to let me go, yeah, let me just make
Speaker 1: more money, I might be sad and rich.
Speaker 2: Better than horror conversations, the modern day woman is going
Speaker 2: to get our.
Speaker 1: But also, let's just keep in mind this is talking
Speaker 1: about being rich alone. Yeah, and I think that is
Speaker 1: the most powerful thing because I've been watching so much
Speaker 1: content and hearing so much bullshit over the years of
Speaker 1: women talking about being sad with a man's money. No,
Speaker 1: I'm saying you need to get your money. No, I
Speaker 1: know what you're saying, right, but this isn't a conversation
Speaker 1: that I've been hearing. It's always about Oh, if he
Speaker 1: gets you x y Z, well, at least you got
Speaker 1: this bruh. You can literally get that ship yourself. The
Speaker 1: way you're just fro my gets hard when I fucking
Speaker 1: do shit for myself. My life is so peaceful right now,
Speaker 1: y'all be like key glowing because I ain't worried about
Speaker 1: no niggles. Where can people find you so hard? Tell
Speaker 1: them what I'm on Tiktoki talks with so harr and
Speaker 1: then my Instagram sharm and that will be in the
Speaker 1: description of this episode. Y'all. Y'all want to hear more
Speaker 1: from Horrible Decisions, make sure you join us on Patreon.
Speaker 1: That's patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions. Sorry, thank you
Speaker 1: for joining us here. We're gonna have to do dinner
Speaker 1: and catch up, yes, but yeah, y'all, make sure y'all
Speaker 1: check us out, and this has been yet another episode
Speaker 1: of horrible decisions like