WEBVTT - Make holiday gatherings more meaningful

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is to make your holiday gatherings more meaningful

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<v Speaker 1>with a clear purpose, thoughtful beginnings, and mindful endings. This

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<v Speaker 1>tip comes from the Art of Gathering, How We Meet

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<v Speaker 1>and Why it Matters. In this book, author Pria Parker

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<v Speaker 1>provides eight principles for gathering. Well, I'll mention just a

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<v Speaker 1>few of these principles today, but I recommend reading the

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<v Speaker 1>whole book. The Art of Gathering draws on Parker's experiences

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<v Speaker 1>designing gatherings of all sorts, from international peace talks to

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<v Speaker 1>baby showers. Parker's main idea is that intentionality paves the

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<v Speaker 1>way for meaning. Most people don't think about this. Parker

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<v Speaker 1>accuses us of fussing over the crudy days and hoping

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<v Speaker 1>for the best when it comes to the human beings.

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<v Speaker 1>But really, gatherings are about people and relationships, and here's

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<v Speaker 1>how you can use that insight to take your holiday

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<v Speaker 1>parties to the next level. Parker's first principle is, in

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<v Speaker 1>her words, decide why you're really gathering because it's Christmas

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<v Speaker 1>or because it's New Year's is not in itself a reason.

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<v Speaker 1>These are categories of gatherings, not their purpose. What is

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<v Speaker 1>the real why? Deciding this is essential because the purpose

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<v Speaker 1>of your gathering, according to Parker, is a tool, a

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<v Speaker 1>filter that helps you determine all the details, grand and trivial.

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<v Speaker 1>For example, if you want to build relationships across generations

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<v Speaker 1>of your family, you might not want to have an

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<v Speaker 1>adult's table in the dining room and a kid's table

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<v Speaker 1>in the kitchen. If your purpose is to have lighthearted

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<v Speaker 1>fun with your team before a demanding season at work,

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<v Speaker 1>you might be better off at a bowling alley than

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<v Speaker 1>in a stuffy restaurant. The purpose of your gathering shapes

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<v Speaker 1>every other element of planning and execution. Also essential to

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<v Speaker 1>your gatherings how they begin, and I don't mean when

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<v Speaker 1>guests show up. The real beginning happens at what Parker

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<v Speaker 1>calls the moment of discovery, when your guests first learn

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<v Speaker 1>of the gathering. One of the first ways of priming

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<v Speaker 1>your guests for what's ahead is in your naming of

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<v Speaker 1>the event. Rather than just a New Year's Eve party,

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<v Speaker 1>you might invite friends to raise a glass to the

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<v Speaker 1>joys and learnings of a cookie swap could become a

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<v Speaker 1>time to share cookies and stories, emphasizing the relationship building

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<v Speaker 1>aspect of the gathering, not just the cookie part. When

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<v Speaker 1>you let your guests know about your gathering, you can

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<v Speaker 1>also ask them to begin preparing. Parker points out that

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<v Speaker 1>we're comfortable asking guests to bring a bottle of wine

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<v Speaker 1>or a dessert, so we should feel equally at ease

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<v Speaker 1>asking people to contribute in ways that connect to an

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<v Speaker 1>events purpose rather than its logistics. For example, she describes

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<v Speaker 1>a gathering when the host asked everyone to send photographs

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<v Speaker 1>of happy moments from the past year. The host then

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<v Speaker 1>printed the photos, cut them out in circles, and placed

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<v Speaker 1>them on the Christmas tree to resemble ornaments. When guests arrived,

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<v Speaker 1>they were immediately drawn together in delight as they shared

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<v Speaker 1>stories of the year and learned about what constituted happiness

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<v Speaker 1>for each of them. Just as you're intentional about how

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<v Speaker 1>you begin an event, Parker advises thoughtfulness in ending your

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<v Speaker 1>gatherings too. Now, in most cases people just start drifting out,

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<v Speaker 1>but this is a missed opportunity, As she explains, a

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<v Speaker 1>strong closing has two phases, corresponding to two distinct needs

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<v Speaker 1>among your guests looking inward and turning outward. Parker continues,

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<v Speaker 1>looking inward is about taking a moment to understand, remember, acknowledge,

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<v Speaker 1>and reflect on what just transpired, and to bond as

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<v Speaker 1>a group one last time. She describes this experience as

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<v Speaker 1>having an affirming moment of recalling not what we did here,

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<v Speaker 1>but who we were here. Perhaps this could be gathering

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<v Speaker 1>your family around the piano to sing a favorite Christmas

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<v Speaker 1>carol before everyone gathers their coats and hats and heads home.

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<v Speaker 1>Or it could be posing for a friend's picture where

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<v Speaker 1>everyone shows off their holiday sweaters after turning inward. The

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<v Speaker 1>second phase of the ending, according to Parker, is turning outward,

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<v Speaker 1>preparing to part from one another and retake your place

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<v Speaker 1>in the world. Your job as you do this, Parker writes,

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<v Speaker 1>is helping your guests find a thread to connect the

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<v Speaker 1>world of the gathering to the world outside. One way

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<v Speaker 1>to do this is by giving your guests a party

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<v Speaker 1>favor that symbolizes some important aspect of the gathering. No,

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<v Speaker 1>we're not talking about the clutter that winds up in

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<v Speaker 1>children's birthday party bags. Parker suggests, we ask, how can

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<v Speaker 1>I use this gift to turn an impermanent memory into

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<v Speaker 1>a permanent memory. Perhaps after you've made a gingerbread house

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<v Speaker 1>with your nieces and nephews, you give them gingerbread house ornaments.

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<v Speaker 1>Or maybe after I get together to welcome the new

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<v Speaker 1>year and share your hopes for you give your friends

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<v Speaker 1>a little notebook for recording their joyful memories in the

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<v Speaker 1>year ahead. Maybe after a family Hanukkah dinner, you give

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<v Speaker 1>your children and grandchildren your grandmother's recipe for lacas, written

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<v Speaker 1>out in your own handwriting, a memento of the night

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<v Speaker 1>that they'll pull out years from now when they're hosting

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<v Speaker 1>dinners of their own. This holiday season, here's to paying

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<v Speaker 1>less attention to the crudy days and more attention to

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<v Speaker 1>the people, so that our gatherings make a difference in

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<v Speaker 1>our lives and the lives of others. In the meantime,

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<v Speaker 1>this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making

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<v Speaker 1>the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to

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<v Speaker 1>hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,

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<v Speaker 1>or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,

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<v Speaker 1>and Instagram at before Breakfast pod that's B the number four,

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<v Speaker 1>then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me

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<v Speaker 1>an email at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com

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<v Speaker 1>that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch.

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<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast is a production of I heart Radio. For

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