Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Speaker 1: Today's tip is to make your holiday gatherings more meaningful
Speaker 1: with a clear purpose, thoughtful beginnings, and mindful endings. This
Speaker 1: tip comes from the Art of Gathering, How We Meet
Speaker 1: and Why it Matters. In this book, author Pria Parker
Speaker 1: provides eight principles for gathering. Well, I'll mention just a
Speaker 1: few of these principles today, but I recommend reading the
Speaker 1: whole book. The Art of Gathering draws on Parker's experiences
Speaker 1: designing gatherings of all sorts, from international peace talks to
Speaker 1: baby showers. Parker's main idea is that intentionality paves the
Speaker 1: way for meaning. Most people don't think about this. Parker
Speaker 1: accuses us of fussing over the crudy days and hoping
Speaker 1: for the best when it comes to the human beings.
Speaker 1: But really, gatherings are about people and relationships, and here's
Speaker 1: how you can use that insight to take your holiday
Speaker 1: parties to the next level. Parker's first principle is, in
Speaker 1: her words, decide why you're really gathering because it's Christmas
Speaker 1: or because it's New Year's is not in itself a reason.
Speaker 1: These are categories of gatherings, not their purpose. What is
Speaker 1: the real why? Deciding this is essential because the purpose
Speaker 1: of your gathering, according to Parker, is a tool, a
Speaker 1: filter that helps you determine all the details, grand and trivial.
Speaker 1: For example, if you want to build relationships across generations
Speaker 1: of your family, you might not want to have an
Speaker 1: adult's table in the dining room and a kid's table
Speaker 1: in the kitchen. If your purpose is to have lighthearted
Speaker 1: fun with your team before a demanding season at work,
Speaker 1: you might be better off at a bowling alley than
Speaker 1: in a stuffy restaurant. The purpose of your gathering shapes
Speaker 1: every other element of planning and execution. Also essential to
Speaker 1: your gatherings how they begin, and I don't mean when
Speaker 1: guests show up. The real beginning happens at what Parker
Speaker 1: calls the moment of discovery, when your guests first learn
Speaker 1: of the gathering. One of the first ways of priming
Speaker 1: your guests for what's ahead is in your naming of
Speaker 1: the event. Rather than just a New Year's Eve party,
Speaker 1: you might invite friends to raise a glass to the
Speaker 1: joys and learnings of a cookie swap could become a
Speaker 1: time to share cookies and stories, emphasizing the relationship building
Speaker 1: aspect of the gathering, not just the cookie part. When
Speaker 1: you let your guests know about your gathering, you can
Speaker 1: also ask them to begin preparing. Parker points out that
Speaker 1: we're comfortable asking guests to bring a bottle of wine
Speaker 1: or a dessert, so we should feel equally at ease
Speaker 1: asking people to contribute in ways that connect to an
Speaker 1: events purpose rather than its logistics. For example, she describes
Speaker 1: a gathering when the host asked everyone to send photographs
Speaker 1: of happy moments from the past year. The host then
Speaker 1: printed the photos, cut them out in circles, and placed
Speaker 1: them on the Christmas tree to resemble ornaments. When guests arrived,
Speaker 1: they were immediately drawn together in delight as they shared
Speaker 1: stories of the year and learned about what constituted happiness
Speaker 1: for each of them. Just as you're intentional about how
Speaker 1: you begin an event, Parker advises thoughtfulness in ending your
Speaker 1: gatherings too. Now, in most cases people just start drifting out,
Speaker 1: but this is a missed opportunity, As she explains, a
Speaker 1: strong closing has two phases, corresponding to two distinct needs
Speaker 1: among your guests looking inward and turning outward. Parker continues,
Speaker 1: looking inward is about taking a moment to understand, remember, acknowledge,
Speaker 1: and reflect on what just transpired, and to bond as
Speaker 1: a group one last time. She describes this experience as
Speaker 1: having an affirming moment of recalling not what we did here,
Speaker 1: but who we were here. Perhaps this could be gathering
Speaker 1: your family around the piano to sing a favorite Christmas
Speaker 1: carol before everyone gathers their coats and hats and heads home.
Speaker 1: Or it could be posing for a friend's picture where
Speaker 1: everyone shows off their holiday sweaters after turning inward. The
Speaker 1: second phase of the ending, according to Parker, is turning outward,
Speaker 1: preparing to part from one another and retake your place
Speaker 1: in the world. Your job as you do this, Parker writes,
Speaker 1: is helping your guests find a thread to connect the
Speaker 1: world of the gathering to the world outside. One way
Speaker 1: to do this is by giving your guests a party
Speaker 1: favor that symbolizes some important aspect of the gathering. No,
Speaker 1: we're not talking about the clutter that winds up in
Speaker 1: children's birthday party bags. Parker suggests, we ask, how can
Speaker 1: I use this gift to turn an impermanent memory into
Speaker 1: a permanent memory. Perhaps after you've made a gingerbread house
Speaker 1: with your nieces and nephews, you give them gingerbread house ornaments.
Speaker 1: Or maybe after I get together to welcome the new
Speaker 1: year and share your hopes for you give your friends
Speaker 1: a little notebook for recording their joyful memories in the
Speaker 1: year ahead. Maybe after a family Hanukkah dinner, you give
Speaker 1: your children and grandchildren your grandmother's recipe for lacas, written
Speaker 1: out in your own handwriting, a memento of the night
Speaker 1: that they'll pull out years from now when they're hosting
Speaker 1: dinners of their own. This holiday season, here's to paying
Speaker 1: less attention to the crudy days and more attention to
Speaker 1: the people, so that our gatherings make a difference in
Speaker 1: our lives and the lives of others. In the meantime,
Speaker 1: this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making
Speaker 1: the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to
Speaker 1: hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,
Speaker 1: or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,
Speaker 1: and Instagram at before Breakfast pod that's B the number four,
Speaker 1: then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me
Speaker 1: an email at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com
Speaker 1: that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.
Speaker 1: Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch.
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